Wikiquote:Other language Wikiquotes

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      <text bytes="3560" sha1="p5yay3klp1iia777vr5wof9iyy8j23y" xml:space="preserve">'''[[Wikiquote:About|Wikiquote]]''' is a collaborative project aimed at creating a multilingual free content compendium of quotations.

The English language Wikiquote is the oldest and largest of Wikiquote projects, started on June 27, 2003.
Other language versions of Wikiquote were created in July, 2004. As of February 14, 2010, there are over 50 active Wikiquote projects (for definition of &quot;active&quot;, see below).

== Overview == 
As of January, 2019, the Wikiquote project as a whole has over 800,000 articles in total. 28 projects, including English Wikiquote, have more than 1,000 articles: now the Polish Wikiquote has 25,600, the English 65,900, Italian 53,400 and Russian 17,400 articles. The top 5 in size are Italian, English, Polish, Russian and Czech.

The Russian Wikiquote is the largest among non-latin script Wikiquotes. Among non Indo-European language Wikiquotes, Estonian Wikiquote is the biggest with 13,600 articles.

If you are interested in '''creating a new Wikiquote in your language''', see [[meta:Meta:Language proposal policy]] and then visit [[meta:Requests for new languages]]. You are also invited to ask for help in [[Wikiquote:Village pump]].

== Active Wikiquotes ==

Projects having 100 articles or more are considered to be active, see also [[m:Which projects are active?]]. 

=== Wikiquotes in Latin script ===

{| style=&quot;width: 100%&quot;
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*[[:af:|Afrikaans]]
*[[:sq:|Albanian]]
*[[:az:|Azerbaijani]]
*[[:eu:|Basque]]
*[[:bs:|Bosnian]]
*[[:ca:|Catalan]]
*[[:hr:|Croatian]]
*[[:cs:|Czech]]
*[[:da:|Danish]]
*[[:nl:|Dutch]]
*[[Main Page|English]]
*[[:eo:|Esperanto]]
*[[:et:|Estonian]]
| style=&quot;vertical-align: top; width: 33%&quot; |
*[[:fi:|Finnish]]
*[[:fr:|French]]
*[[:gl:|Galician]]
*[[:de:|German]]
*[[:hu:|Hungarian]]
*[[:is:|Icelandic]]
*[[:id:|Indonesian]]
*[[:it:|Italian]]
*[[:ku:|Kurdish]]
*[[:la:|Latin]]
*[[:li:|Limburgian]]
*[[:lt:|Lithuanian]]
*[[:nn:|Norwegian (Nynorsk)]]
| style=&quot;vertical-align: top; width: 33%&quot; |
*[[:no:|Norwegian (Bokmål)]]
*[[:pl:|Polish]]
*[[:pt:|Portuguese]]
*[[:ro:|Romanian]]
&lt;!--*[[:simple:|Simple English]]—closed project--&gt;
*[[:sk:|Slovak]]
*[[:sl:|Slovenian]]
*[[:es:|Spanish]]
*[[:su:|Sundanese]]
*[[:sv:|Swedish]]
*[[:tr:|Turkish]]
*[[:uz:|Uzbek]] 
*[[:ky:|Kyrgyz]]
*[[:ky:|قىرعىزچا]]
*[[:vi:Trang Chính|Vietnamese]]
*[[:cy:|Welsh]] 
|}Sesotho

=== Wikiquotes not in Latin script === 

{| style=&quot;width: 100%&quot;
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*[[:ar:|Arabic (العربية)]]
*[[:hy:|Armenian (Հայերեն)]]
*[[:as:|Assamese (অসমীয়া)]]
*[[:be:|Belarusian (Беларуская)]]
*[[:bn:|Bengali (বাংলা)]]
*[[:bg:|Bulgarian (Български)]]
*[[:zh:|Chinese (中文)]]
*[[:ka:|Georgian (ქართული)]]
| style=&quot;vertical-align: top; width: 33%&quot; |
*[[:el:|Greek (Ελληνικά)]]
*[[:he:|Hebrew (עברית)]]
*[[:hi:|Hindi (हिन्दी)]]
*[[:ja:|Japanese (日本語)]]
*[[:kn:|Kannada (ಕನ್ನಡ)]]
*[[:ko:|Korean (한국어)]]
*[[:ml:|Malayalam (മലയാളം)]]
*[[:fa:|Persian (فارسی)]]
| style=&quot;vertical-align: top; width: 33%&quot; |
*[[:ru:|Russian (Русский)]]
*[[:sa:|Sanskrit (संस्कृतम्)]]
*[[:sr:|Serbian (Српски)]]
*[[:ta:|Tamil (தமிழ்)]]
*[[:te:|Telugu (తెలుగు)]]
*[[:th:|Thai (ไทย)]]
*[[:uk:|Ukrainian (Українська)]]
*[[:ur:|Urdu (اردو)]]
|}

== See also ==
*[[m:Wikiquote]] statistics frequently updated

&lt;!-- interlang links --&gt;
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      <text bytes="35904" sha1="dbbsnykmi7jga29dg3si9d31o8i1tmk" xml:space="preserve">{{Distinguish|Anonymity|Anonymous (group)}}
[[File:Albert-L-Pollins-1.jpg|thumb|''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'' is a famous anonymous saying]]
'''[[w:Anonymous|Anonymous]]''' is the adjective form of [[anonymity]] derived from the [[w:Koine Greek|Greek]] word '''ἀνωνυμία''', ''anonymia'', meaning &quot;without a [[name]]&quot; or &quot;namelessness.&quot; It commonly refers to the state of an individual's personal identity, or personally identifiable information, being publicly unknown, intentionally or unintentionally. This article is for famous or notable quotes whose author is unknown.

== Quotes ==

=== Egyptian ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Book of the Dead]]'''''
::'''''[[Great Hymn to the Aten]]'''''
::'''''[[Teaching for King Merykara]]'''''

* No one goes away and then comes back.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by [[w:William Kelly Simpson|W. K. Simpson]] in ''The Literature of Ancient Egypt'' (1972), pp. 296–327

* Remember: it is not given to man to take his goods with him.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)

* There is no one who can return from there, &lt;br&gt; To describe their nature, to describe their dissolution, &lt;br&gt; That he may still our desires, &lt;br&gt; Until we reach the place where they have gone. 
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 5, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)

=== English ===

==== Old English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Beowulf]]'''''
::'''''[[Anglo-Saxon Chronicle]]'''''
::'''''[[The Battle of Maldon]]'''''
::'''''[[The Ruin]]'''''
::'''''[[The Seafarer (poem)|The Seafarer]]'''''
::'''''[[The Wanderer (poem)|The Wanderer]]'''''
::'''''[[Maxims (Old English poems)|Maxims]]'''''

==== Middle English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Cursor Mundi]]'''''
::'''''[[Everyman (play)|Everyman]]'''''
::'''''[[The Babees Book]]'''''
::'''''[[The Cloud of Unknowing]]'''''

* ''Blow, northerne wynd,&lt;br&gt;Sent thou me my suetyng!&lt;br&gt;Blow, northerne wynd,&lt;br&gt;Blou! Blou! Blou!''
** Harley MS. 2253 ([[Harley Lyrics]], art. 46; ed. Susanna Fein, 2015) 

* ''Bothe lered and lewed, olde and yonge, &lt;br&gt; Alle understonden English tonge.''
** ''{{w|Speculum Vitae}}'' ('Mirror of Life'; late 14th cent.) l. 77

* ''Evyl weed ys sone y growe.''
** [[w:Harleian Library|Harley MS]]. 1490; reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922) p. 867

* ''For I muste to the grene wode goo, alone a bannysshed man.''
** For I must to the green-wood go, &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Alone, a banished man.	
** &quot;The Nut-Brown Maid&quot; (1502), st. 5, [[w:Oxford Book of English Verse|''OBEV'']] (1939)

* ''For in my mynde, of all mankynde I loue but you allon.''
** For, in my mind, of all mankind &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; I love but you alone.	
** &quot;[[w:The Nut-Brown Maid|The Nut-Brown Maid]]&quot; (1502), st. 4, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* ''Foweles in the frith,&lt;br&gt;The fisses in the flod,&lt;br&gt;And I mon waxe wod;&lt;br&gt;Mulch sorwe I walke with&lt;br&gt;For best of bon and blod.''
** &quot;[[w:Foweles in the frith|Fowels in the Frith]]&quot; (13th cent.), E. K. Chambers and F. Sidgwick (eds.) ''Early English Lyrics, Amorous, Divine, Moral and Trivial'' (&lt;!--London: A. H. Bullen, --&gt;1907) p. 5 &lt;!-- MS. Douce 139, f.5r --&gt;

* ''Ich am of Irlaunde,&lt;br&gt;Ant of the holy londe&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Of Irlande.&lt;br&gt;Gode sire, pray ich the,&lt;br&gt;For of saynte charité,&lt;br&gt;Come ant daunce wyth me&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;In Irlaunde.''
** &quot;[[w:Ich am of Irlaunde|The Irish Dancer]]&quot; (14th cent.), ''OBEV'' (1939)

* ''I wold not be in a folis paradyce.'' 
** I would not be in a fool's paradise.
** ''[[Paston Letters]]'', no. 562 (July 1462) ed. James Gairdner (1904) vol. 4

* ''Lever me were to lete mi liif,&lt;br&gt;Than thus to lese the quen mi wiif!''
** ''{{w|Sir Orfeo}}'' (early 14th cent.) l. 177, Kenneth Sisam (ed.) ''Fourteenth Century Verse and Prose'' (1921) p. 19

* ''O little booke, thou art so unconning, &lt;br&gt; How darst thou put thy-self in prees for drede?''
** ''[[w:The Floure and the Leafe|The Floure and the Leafe]]'' (c. 1470) l. 59. Formerly attributed to [[Chaucer]]

* ''Perle, pleasaunte to prynces paye&lt;br&gt;To clanly clos in golde so clere,&lt;br&gt;Oute of [[W:Orient|oryent]], I hardyly saye,&lt;br&gt;Ne proued I neuer her precios pere.''
** [[w:Pearl (poem)|''Pearl'']] (late 14th cent.) opening lines

* ''&quot;Say me, viit in the brom,&lt;br&gt;Teche me wou I sule don&lt;br&gt;That min hosebonde&lt;br&gt;Me lovien wolde.&quot;{{pb}}&quot;Hold thine tunke stille&lt;br&gt;And haw al thine wille.&quot;''
** &quot;Say Me, Wight in the Broom&quot; (c. 1300), Carleton Brown (ed.) ''English Lyrics of the XIIIth Century'' (1932) no. 21, p. 32 &lt;!-- T.C.C. MS. 323, f.28r. Cf. B.M. Addit. MS. 11579, f.29r --&gt;

* ''Sumer is icumen in,&lt;br&gt;Lhude sing cuccu!&lt;br&gt;Groweth sed, and bloweth med,&lt;br&gt;And springth the wude nu—&lt;br&gt;Sing cuccu!''
** &quot;{{w|Sumer is icumen in}}&quot; (13th cent.), ''OBEV'''' (1939)

* ''Were beth they biforen us weren,&lt;br&gt;Houndës ladden and hauekës beren,&lt;br&gt;And hadden feld and wodë?&lt;br&gt;The richë levedies in hoerë bour,&lt;br&gt;That wereden gold in hoerë tressour,&lt;br&gt;With hoerë brighttë rodë;{{pb}}Eten and drounken, and maden hem glad;&lt;br&gt;Hoere lif was al with gamen i-lad,&lt;br&gt;Men kneleden hem biforen;&lt;br&gt;They beren hem wel swithë heyë;&lt;br&gt;And in a twincling of an eyë&lt;br&gt;Hoere soulës weren forloren.''
** &quot;Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?&quot; (c. 1300), Carl Horstmann and F. J. Furnivall (eds.) ''The Minor Poems of the Vernon MS.'' (1901) vol. 2, p. 761 &lt;!-- MS. Digby 86, f.126v—27r --&gt;

* ''Westron wynde when wyll thow blow&lt;br&gt;The smalle rayne downe can rayne&lt;br&gt;Cryst yf my love were in my armys&lt;br&gt;And I yn my bed agayne.''
** O western wind, when wilt thou blow &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; That the small rain down can rain? &lt;br&gt; Christ, that my love were in my arms &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; And I in my bed again!
** &quot;[[w:Westron Wynde|The Lover in Winter Plaineth for the Spring]]&quot; (c. 1500), ''OBEV'' (1939)

==== Early Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Border ballads]]'''''

* A crafty knave needs no broker.
** ''[[A Knack to Know a Knave|A Merry Knack to Know a Knave]]'' (ed. 1594) p. 33 (Honesty)

* A heavy purse makes a light heart.
** ''Wily Beguiled'' (c. 1602) l. 1
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. Ben Jonson, ''The New Inn'', act 1, sc. 1 (Host)&lt;/small&gt;

* A right woman — either love like an angel, &lt;br&gt; Or hate like a devil — in extremes to dwell.
** ''The Rare Triumphs of Love and Fortune'' (1589) act 1 (Penulo)

* And let all women strive to be &lt;br&gt; As constant as Penelope.
** ''A Looking-glass for Ladies, or A Mirrour for Married Women'' (c. 1674-79) st. 18, last lines &lt;!-- Also in Percy's ''Reliques'' --&gt;

* Any food, any feeding,&lt;br&gt;Feeding, drink, or clothing;&lt;br&gt;Come dame or maid, be not afraid,&lt;br&gt;Poor Tom will injure nothing.
** &quot;[[w:Tom o' Bedlam|Tom o' Bedlam]]&quot; (c. 1615) refrain

* April is in my mistress' face, &lt;br&gt; And July in her eyes hath place; &lt;br&gt; Within her bosom is September, &lt;br&gt; But in her heart a cold December.
** &quot;April Is in My Mistress' Face&quot;, in Thomas Morley, ''Madrigals to Four Voices'' (1594) &lt;!-- Cf. Robert Greene, ''Perimedes the Blacksmith'' (1588): &quot;Fair is my love for April’s in her face.&quot; --&gt;

* Break her betimes, and bring her under by force,&lt;br&gt;Or else the grey mare will be the better horse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)

* But he that takes not such time, while he may,&lt;br&gt;Shall leap at a whiting, when time is away.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Will)

* Eternal vigilance is the price we pay for liberty.
** Earliest known publication in the (Bennington) ''Vermont Gazette'' (8 July 1817) p. 2. Later misattributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]]. Reported in Anna Berkes, [https://www.monticello.org/encyclopedia/eternal-vigilance-price-liberty-spurious-quota &quot;Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty (Spurious Quotation)&quot;], monticello.org (11 August 2010)

* For he that leaps, before he look, good son,&lt;br&gt;May leap in the mire, and miss what he hath done.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)

* From the hag and hungry goblin&lt;br&gt;That into rags would rend ye,&lt;br&gt;The spirit that stands by the naked man&lt;br&gt;In the Book of Moons defend ye.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 1

* God be in my head,&lt;br&gt;And in my understanding,{{pb}}God be in my eyes,&lt;br&gt;And in my looking,{{pb}}God be in my mouth,&lt;br&gt;And in my speaking,{{pb}}God be in my heart,&lt;br&gt;And in my thinking,{{pb}}God be at my end,&lt;br&gt;And at my departing.
** ''Sarum Primer'' (1558)

* Greensleeves was all my joy,&lt;br&gt;Greensleeves was my delight:&lt;br&gt;Greensleeves was my heart of gold,&lt;br&gt;And who but my lady Greensleeves.
** &quot;[[w:Greensleeves|Greensleeves]]&quot;, refrain, in ''A Handful of Pleasant Delights'' (1584; [[s:A Handful of Pleasant Delights/A new Courtly Sonet, of the Lady Greensleeves|ed.]] Edward Arber, 1878)

* Ground me no grounds.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[John Redford]], ''The Play of Wit and Science''&lt;/small&gt;

* He is but a fool that, when all fails, cannot live upon his wit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)

* He's best at ease that meddleth least.
** ''[[Fair Em]]'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1383 (Manville)&lt;!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) pp. 98, 154--&gt;

* I had need of a long spoon, now I go to eat with the devil.
** ''[[Grim the Collier of Croydon|Grim, the Collier of Croydon]]'' (1662) act 5, sc. 1 (Grim)

* I know more than Apollo,&lt;br&gt;For oft, when he lies sleeping&lt;br&gt;I see the stars at bloody wars&lt;br&gt;In the wounded welkin weeping.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 6

* (I would topple with ye &lt;br&gt; And) pluck a good crow.
** ''The History of Jacob and Esau'' (c. 1558) act 2, sc. 2 (Ragan)&lt;!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) p. 209--&gt;

* It's pride that puts this country down: &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Man, take thy old cloak about thee!		
** &quot;The Old Cloak&quot;, st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* Kill then, and bliss me, &lt;br&gt; But first come, kiss me.
** &quot;Dainty Fine Sweet Nymph Delightful&quot;, in Thomas Morley, ''The First Book of Ballets to Five Voices'' (1595) &lt;!-- E. H. Fellowes (ed.) ''English Madrigal Verse 1588-1632'' (1820) p. 133 --&gt;

* King Stephen was a worthy peer; &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; His breeches cost him but a crown.
** &quot;The Old Cloak&quot;, st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)

* Love me little, love me long, &lt;br&gt; Is the burden of my song.
** &quot;Love Me Little, Love Me Long&quot; (1569–70) l. 1&lt;!-- Text from Charles Mackay (ed.) ''The Book of English Songs'' (1851) p. 22 --&gt;

* &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Love, that covers multitude of sins, &lt;br&gt; Makes love in parents wink at children’s faults.
** ''Fair Em'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1270 (Zeveno)

* More haste than good speed makes many fare the worse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)

* No burial these&lt;!-- two--&gt; pretty babes &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Of any man receives &lt;br&gt; Till Robin Redbreast painfully&lt;!--or 'piously'--&gt; &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Did cover them with leaves.
** &quot;[[Babes in the Wood|Two Babes in the Wood]]&quot; (1595; [[s:Two babes in the wood, or, The Norfolk gentleman's last will and testament|ed.]] Glasgow: J. &amp; M. Robertson, 1802)

* The blinded boy that shootes so trim &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; From heaven downe did hie. &lt;!-- i.e. [[Cupid]] --&gt;
** &quot;[[w:The King and the Beggar-maid|King Cophetua and the Beggar-Maid]]&quot;, st. 2 ([[w:Internet Sacred Text Archive|ISTA]] [https://sacred-texts.com/neu/eng/boeb/boeb04.htm *])

* The devil cannot tie a woman's tongue.
** ''Grim, the Collier of Croydon'' (1662) act 2, sc. 1 (Castiliano)

* The gypsies, Snap and Pedro,&lt;br&gt;Are none of Tom's comradoes,&lt;br&gt;The punk I scorn and the cutpurse sworn,&lt;br&gt;And the roaring boy's bravadoes.&lt;br&gt;The meek, the white, the gentle&lt;br&gt;Me handle, touch, and spare not;&lt;br&gt;But those that cross Tom Rynosseros&lt;br&gt;Do what the panther dare not.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 7

* The moon's my constant mistress,&lt;br&gt;And the lowly owl my marrow;&lt;br&gt;The flaming drake and the night crow make&lt;br&gt;Me music to my sorrow.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 4

* The sound is honey, but the sense is gall.
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 4 (Soliman)

* &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; (They are) no more like, &lt;br&gt; Than chalk is to cheese.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 5, sc. 1 (Science)

* 'Tis an ill wind that blows no man to profit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)

* Virtue is the shoeing-horn of justice.
** [[Parnassus plays|''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'']] (1606) act 4, sc. 3 (Kemp)

* What poor astronomers are they, &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Take women’s eyes for stars!
** &quot;What Poor Astronomers Are They&quot;, in John Dowland, ''The Third Book of Songs or Airs'' (1603) &lt;!-- W. S. Braithwaite (ed.) ''The Book of Elizabethan Verse'' (1907) --&gt;

* Who blurs fair paper with foul bastard rhymes,&lt;br&gt;Shall live full many an age in latter times:&lt;br&gt;Who makes a ballad for an alehouse door,&lt;br&gt;Shall live in future times for evermore.
** ''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'' (1606) act 1, sc. 2 (Judicio)

* Why, what is Love but Fortune’s tennis-ball?
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 1 (Fortune)

* With a host of furious fancies&lt;br&gt;Whereof I am commander,&lt;br&gt;With a burning spear and a horse of air,&lt;br&gt;To the wilderness I wander.&lt;br&gt;By a knight of ghosts and shadows&lt;br&gt;I summoned am to tourney&lt;br&gt;Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end:&lt;br&gt;Methinks it is no journey.
** &quot;Tom o' Bedlam&quot; (c. 1615) st. 8

==== Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[English proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Junius|Letters of Junius]]'''''
::'''''[[The New England Primer|New England Primer]]'''''
::'''''[[Nursery rhymes]]'''''
::'''''[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]'''''

* A lie is an abomination unto the Lord, but a very present help in time of trouble.
** A &quot;school boy&quot;, quoted in [[w:The Living Church|''The Living Church'']] (2 September 1899) p. 394

* Every animal is a dog if you try hard enough.
** In [https://www.newsweek.com/polar-bear-family-raft-1831932 &quot;Man Builds Water Raft for Polar Bear Family&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (4 Oct. 2023)

* Faster horses, older whiskey, younger women, and more money.
** Boast of the American West, attributed to railroad men who came to Texas in search of oil (late 19th or early 20th century); in Sally Helgesen, ''Wildcatters: A Story of Texans, Oil, and Money'' (1981) p. 29&lt;!-- Spanish translation in ''Il Piccolo di Trieste'' (11 May 1986) p. 3: &quot;''Cavalli più veloci, whisky più vecchio, ragazze più giovani. I tempi nuovi hanno aggiunto una quarta voce: più denaro.''&quot; --&gt;. Cf. [[Tom T. Hall]]

* From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night,&lt;br&gt;Good Lord, deliver us!
** &quot;Quaint Old Litany&quot;, in [[Alfred Noyes]], ''The Magic Casement'' (1908) p. viii

* If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
** Quoted among the Extension of Remarks of Charles B. Rangel before the U.S. House of Representatives, 25 October 1973, in the ''Congressional Record'' (26 October 1973) p. 35189; also in [[Paul du Feu]], ''Let's Hear It for the Long-Legged Women'' (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1973) p. 65. Variant (&quot;you shouldn't&quot; instead of &quot;don't&quot;) quoted by Leo Aikman, &quot;You're Never Out of Reach&quot;, in ''The Atlanta Constitution'' (28 May 1957) p. 2

* In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed &quot;''there'',&quot; pointing to the sea, &quot;''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for bread.''&quot;
** [[Obed Macy]], ''The History of Nantucket'' (Boston: Hilliard, Gray, and Co., 1835) p. 33 &lt;!-- Quoted in ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851) Extracts (Supplied by a Sub-Sub-Librarian) --&gt;

* Keep a [[w:stiff upper lip|stiff upper lip]].
** ''New England Galaxy &amp; Masonic Magazine'', vol. 2, no. 89 (25 June 1819) p. 3, cols. 1–2
** See also: [[Phoebe Cary]]

* Love starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.
** In ''The Shepherd College Picket'', [https://archive.org/details/picket1941-1943shepu/page/n189/mode/2up vol. 47] (November 9, 1943), p. 4

* [[w:May you live in interesting times|May you live in interesting times]].
** Quoted as a &quot;Chinese curse&quot;, in Hughe Knatchbull-Hugessen, ''Diplomat in Peace and War'' (John Murray, 1949) p. ix

* O Paddy dear, an’ did ye hear the news that’s goin’ round? &lt;br&gt; The shamrock is by law forbid to grow on Irish ground; &lt;br&gt; St. Patrick’s Day no more we’ll keep, his colour can’t be seen, &lt;br&gt; For there’s a cruel law agin the wearin’ o’ the Green.
** &quot;[[w:The Wearing of the Green|The Wearing of the Green]]&quot; (c. 1798) st. 1

* Old soldiers never die —&lt;br&gt;They simply&lt;!--or 'just', 'only'--&gt; fade away.
** &quot;[[w:Old soldiers never die|Old Soldiers Never Die]]&quot; (c. 1914–18) l. 4 &lt;!-- John Brophy and Eric Partridge, ''The Long Trail'' (1965) p. 59 --&gt;

[[File:Cruikshank - The Allied Bakers.png|thumb|Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise. —Mr. Br----]]

* Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
** In [[Daniel Dennett]], [[w:Breaking the Spell (Dennett book)|''Breaking the Spell'']] (US: Viking, 2006), p. 17&lt;!--{{ISBN|0-670-03472-X}}--&gt;

* Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise.
** &quot;Epigram on a Certain Line of Mr. Br----, Author of a Copy of Verses, Call'd the British Beauties&quot;, in [[Lewis Theobald]] (ed.) ''The Grove; or, A Collection of Original Poems, Translations, &amp;c'' (1721), p. 294 [http://books.google.com/books?id=Y9kIAAAAQAAJ&amp;q=%22Praise%22+%22is+satire+in+disguise%22&amp;pg=PA294#v=onepage] [http://books.google.com/books?id=HnACAAAAQAAJ&amp;q=%22Praise+undeserv'd+is+scandal+in+disguise%22&amp;pg=PA118#v=onepage]

* Question everything; accept nothing without proof.
** In Elizabeth Janet Gray, [https://archive.org/details/anthologywithcom0000vini/page/38/mode/2up?q=%22Question+everything%2C+accept+nothing%22 ''Anthology with Comments''] (1942), p. 39&lt;!--Quoted by Ethan Skyler; used in 2002 in reference to Galileo, para. 9 [http://www.physicsnews1.com/article_9.html] ~ deadlink--&gt;

* Real [[Programming|programmers]] don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand.
** Appeared in &quot;[[w:Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal|Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal]]&quot; (July 1983), but may or may not have been in existence beforehand

* Rebellion to tyrants [''or'' resistance to tyranny] is obedience to God. 
** Anglo-American maxim, variously attributed: see [[John Bradshaw (judge)|John Bradshaw]] and [[Simon Bradstreet]]

* Remember, remember! &lt;br&gt; The fifth of November, &lt;br&gt; The Gunpowder treason and plot; &lt;br&gt; I know of no reason &lt;br&gt; Why the Gunpowder treason &lt;br&gt; Should ever be forgot!
** &quot;[[w:Guy Fawkes Night|The Fifth of November]]&quot; (c. 1870), st. 1 (PotW.org [https://potw.org/archive/potw405.html *])

* Remember the Alamo!
** Common American war cry, invoking the [[w:Battle of the Alamo|Battle of the Alamo]] (6 March 1836)

* Send him victorious, &lt;br&gt; Happy and glorious, &lt;br&gt; Long to reign over us, &lt;br&gt; God save the king.
** &quot;[[w:God Save the King|A Song for Two Voices]]&quot; (1745) st. 1 &lt;!-- ''The Gentleman's Magazine'', vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1745) p. 552 --&gt;

* Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules; &lt;br&gt; Of Hector and Lysander, and such great names as these. &lt;br&gt; But of all the world's brave heroes, there's none that can compare, &lt;br&gt; With a tow, row row, row row, row row, to the British grenadier.
** &quot;[[w:The British Grenadiers|The British Grenadiers]]&quot; (c. 1750) st. 1 &lt;!--  J. C. Hutchieson (ed.)  ''Fugitive Poetry, 1600–1878'' (London: Frederick Warne and Co, 1878) --&gt;

* ''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:&lt;br&gt;Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung.
** &quot;The Flight from Granada&quot;, st. 1. Traditional ballad on the ''reconquista'' of [[w:Granada War|Granada]]. Translated by [[John Gibson Lockhart]], ''Ancient Spanish Ballads'' (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1823) p. 110 &lt;!-- &quot;There was crying in Granada when the sun was going down,/Some calling on the Trinity, some calling on Mahoun;/Here pass'd away the Koran, there in the Cross was borne,/And here was heard the Christian bell, and there the Moorish horn;//''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:/Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung;/The arms thereon of Arragon they with Castille's display;/One king comes in in triumph, one weeping goes away. --&gt;

* The '[[w:Almighty dollar|Almighty Dollar]]' is the only object of worship.
** In the Philadelphia [[w:Public Ledger (Philadelphia)|''Public Ledger'']] (2 December 1836); cited in ''Notes and Queries'', ser. 11, vol. 3 (11 Feb. 1911) p. 109

* The law locks up the man or woman&lt;br&gt;Who steals the goose from off the common;&lt;br&gt;But leaves the greater villain loose&lt;br&gt;Who steals the common from the goose.
** &quot;[[w:The Goose and the Common|The Goose and the Common]]&quot; (late 18th century), as quoted in [[Edward Potts Cheyney]], ''An Introduction to the Industrial and Social History of England'' (1901) ch. 8

* {{w|Scramble for Africa|The Scramble for Africa}} (''La Gribouillette pour Afrique'')
** European colonisation of Africa (1884–1916), used in ''Punch'' (20 Dec. 1884), p. 292, and in ''The Times'' (Nov. 1896)

* The two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.
** In [[Reuven Perlman]], [https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-best-days-of-a-boat-owners-life &quot;The Best Days of a Boat Owner's Life&quot;], ''The New Yorker'' (13 Jan. 2021) &lt;!-- Cf. [[Pseudo-Hipponax]] --&gt;

* There are 'quips and quillets' which seem actual conundrums, but yet are none. Of such is this: '[[w:Why did the chicken cross the road?|Why does a chicken cross the street?]]' Are you 'out of town?' Do you 'give it up?' Well, then: 'Because it wants to get on the other side!'
** In [[w:The Knickerbocker|''The Knickerbocker'']] (1847) p. 283

* There is no God, and X is His Prophet.
** Applied to {{w|Harriet Martineau}}, Henry G. Atkinson, [[William M. Tweed]], [[Robert G. Ingersoll]], [[Karl Marx]], [[Paul Dirac]], and others. See: [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/01/20/prophet/ &quot;Quote Origin: There Is No God, and Harriet Martineau Is His Prophet&quot;], ''{{w|Quote Investigator}}'' (January 20, 2017)

* [[w:Think globally, act locally|Think globally, act locally]].
** Attributed variously: to [[David Brower]], [[René Dubos]], and others (1960s)

* Tho' lost to sight, to memory dear.
** Inscription on a civic arch, for the procession of Lafayette through Lynn, MA, August 1824. ''A Sketch of the Tour of General Lafayette, on his Late Visit to the United States'' (Portland, ME, 1824) p. 120

* To the glorious, pious and Immortal Memory of King William III, who saved us from Rogues and Roguery, Slaves and Slavery, Knaves and Knavery, Popes and Popery, from brass money and wooden shoes; and who ever denies this Toast may he be slammed, crammed and jammed into the muzzle of the great gun of Athlone, and the gun fired into the Pope's Belly, and the Pope into the Devil's Belly, and the Devil into Hell, and the door locked and the key in an Orangeman's pocket; and may we never lack a Brisk Protestant Boy to kick the arse of a papist; and here's a fart for the Bishop of Cork!
** Toast of the Orangemen in Ulster on the anniversary of the [[w:battle of the Boyne|battle of the Boyne]]. Arthur Bryant, ''The Age of Elegance, 1812–1822'' (1950), ch. 8, p. 267 note &lt;!-- See also: ''Romany Rye'', 16-17, 400; Austen, 238; Bamford, I, 102; Castlereagh, X, 378; De Selincourt, II, 578; Lady Shelley, I, 252-3, 287, 351-2; Stanley, 191; Wilberforce, II, 322 --&gt;

* What is mind?—No matter.&lt;br&gt;What is matter?—Never mind.&lt;br&gt;What is spirit?—That's ''quite immaterial''.
** In ''Harper's New Monthly Magazine'', vol. 10, no. 56 (January 1855) p. 275. Variation of the first two lines in ''Punch'', vol. 29, no. 19 (14 July 1855) p. 19: &quot;What is Matter? — Never mind. / What is Mind? — No matter.&quot; (&quot;A Short Cut to Metaphysics&quot;). See also: [[Thomas Hewitt Key|T. H. Key]]. Compare: Byron, [[Don Juan (Byron)#Canto XI (1823)|''Don Juan'']], canto 11, st. 1

* Whatever you have to [[Language|say]], my friend,&lt;br&gt;Whether witty or grave or gay,&lt;br&gt;Condense as much as ever you can,&lt;br&gt;And say it the readiest way;&lt;br&gt;And whether you write of rural affairs&lt;br&gt;Or of matter and things in town,&lt;br&gt;Just take a word of friendly advice—&lt;br&gt;Boil it down.
** &quot;Boil it Down&quot;, in the [[w:Winnipeg Free Press|''Manitoba Free Press'']] (June 5, 1875)

* {{w|When the going gets tough, the tough get going}}.
** Attributed to [[Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.]] in J. H. Cutler, ''Honey Fitz'' (1962), p. 291. Also attributed to [[Knute Rockne]], and others

=== Scots ===

* ''Quod God to the Helandman, Quhair wilt thow now?&lt;br&gt;I will doun in the Lawland, Lord, and thair steill a kow.''
** Quoth God to the Highlander, &quot;What will you now?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;I will down to the Lowland, Lord, and there steal a cow.&quot;
** &quot;[[w:How The First Helandman of God Was Maid|How The First Helandman of God Was Maid]]&quot;, fol. 163a (1898). Translated in Gordon Donaldson, ''Scotland: The Shaping of a Nation'' (Newton Abbot: David &amp; Charles, 1974) p. 155&lt;!-- ISBN 0 7153 6904 0 --&gt;. Compare: MacGregor, in [[Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie]]

=== French ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Aucassin and Nicolette|Aucassin et Nicolette]]'''''
::'''''[[The Song of Roland|La Chanson de Roland]]'''''
::'''''[[French proverbs]]'''''

* ''Au clair de la lune,&lt;br&gt;Mon ami Pierrot,&lt;br&gt;Prête-moi ta plume&lt;br&gt;Pour écrire un mot.&lt;br&gt;Ma chandelle est morte,&lt;br&gt;Je n'ai plus de feu.&lt;br&gt;Ouvre-moi ta porte&lt;br&gt;Pour l'amour de Dieu.''
** By the light of the moon,&lt;br&gt;My friend Pierrot,&lt;br&gt;Lend me your quill,&lt;br&gt;To write a word.&lt;br&gt;My candle is dead,&lt;br&gt;I have no more fire.&lt;br&gt;Open your door for me&lt;br&gt;For the love of God.
** &quot;[[w:Au clair de la lune|Au clair de la lune]]&quot;, st. 1 (18th cent.), in Henri Plon (ed.) ''Chants et Chansons populaires de la France'' (1858) pp. 16–17

* ''Bons fut li siecles al tens ancienor, &lt;br&gt; Quer feit i ert e justise et amor, &lt;br&gt; Si ert credance, dont or n'i at nul prot. &lt;br&gt; Toz est mudez, perdude at sa color, &lt;br&gt; Ja mais n'iert tels com fut als ancessors.''
** The world was good in the time of them of old, for in it was faith and justice and love, and there was belief, of which there is now no store. It [the world] is all changed, it has lost its colour; it will never be such as it was with them of old.
** [[w:Alexius of Rome#French version|''La Vie de Saint-Alexis'']] (c. 1040) str. 1, in ''The Oldest Monuments of the French Language'' (1912) p. 28 &lt;!-- French: ''A Primer of Old French'' (London: Blackie &amp; Son, Ltd, 1902) p. 28 --&gt;

* [[w:Ça Ira|''Ça Ira'']].
** It'll be fine.
** Revolutionary song (May 1790)

* [[w:fr:Car tel est notre plaisir|''Car tel est notre plaisir'']].
** For such is our pleasure.
** Royal prerogative of the kings of France. The formula concluded royal acts, and in particular letters patent, prepared by the [[w:Chancery (medieval office)#France|Chancery]]. See: Paul-Alexis Mellet, ''Les traités monarchomaques: confusion des temps, résistance armée et monarchie parfaite, 1560-1600'' (Genève: Librairie Droz, 2007), p. 250. Compare: [[Ulpian]], ''Digesta'', 1, 4, 1 &lt;!-- ''Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem.'' --&gt;

* ''[[w:The king is dead, long live the king!|Le mort saisit le vif. Le roi est mort, vive le roi!]]''
** The dead seizes the living. The king is dead, long live the king!
** Traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch. First declared upon the accession to the French throne of [[Charles VII of France|Charles VII]] after the death of his father [[Charles VI of France|Charles VI]] (21 October 1422)

* ''{{w|Liberté, égalité, fraternité}}''. 
** Liberty, equality, fraternity.
** Revolutionary motto (July 1790) &lt;!-- First quoted by [[Camille Desmoulins]] in ''Révolutions de France et de Brabant'', no. 35 (26 July 1790) p. 515, describing the July 1790 [[w:Fête de la Fédération|Fête de la Fédération]]: ''... les soldats-citoyens se précipiter dans les bras l’un de l’autre, en se promettant liberté, égalité, fraternité.'' / &quot;... the citizen-soldiers rushing into each other's arms, promising each other ''liberty, equality, fraternity''.&quot; --&gt;

* [[w:Anarchist symbolism#No gods, no masters|''Ni Dieu ni maître'']]. 
** No gods, no masters.
** [[Anarchist]] slogan. A similar phrase appeared in an 1870 pamphlet by a disciple of [[Louis Auguste Blanqui|Auguste Blanqui]]. The exact phrase appeared as the title of Blanqui's 1880 newspaper before it spread throughout the anarchist movement, appearing in [[Kropotkin]]'s ''Words of a Rebel'' (1885)

* ''Revenons à nos moutons.'' 
** Let us return to our sheep.
** ''[[La Farce de maître Pathelin]]'' (c. 1440). Reported in Hugh Percy Jones, ''Dictionary of Foreign Phrases and Classical Quotations'' (Edinburgh: John Grant, 1929) p. 328. Unattributed in [[Edward Leigh (writer)|Edward Leigh]], ''Analecta Caesarum'' (1664) p. 425

=== Greek ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Greek Anthology]]'''''
::'''''[[Greek proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Seven Sages of Greece]]'''''

* Εἴθ᾿ ἄπυρον καλὸν γενοίμην μέγα χρυσίον, &lt;br&gt; καί με καλὴ γυνὴ φοροίη καθαρὸν θεμένη νόον. 
** I would I were a jewel &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Of costly gold and fine, &lt;br&gt; And a lovely woman wearing me &lt;br&gt; &amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; With heart as true as mine!
** In Athenaeus, bk. 15, sec. 695d; translated by [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]], ''A Book of Greek Verse'' (1907), p. 39
**:&lt;small&gt;Compare: [[Alfred Tennyson|Tennyson]], [[w:The Miller's Daughter (poem)|''The Miller's Daughter'']] · [[Joshua Sylvester|Sylvester]], ''Woodman's Bear'' · ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', act 2, sc. 2, l. 23&lt;/small&gt;

* Ἦλθ’ ἦλθε χελιδὼν&lt;br&gt;καλὰς ὥρας ἄγουσα,&lt;br&gt;καλοὺς ἐνιαυτούς,&lt;br&gt;ἐπὶ γαστέρα λευκά,&lt;br&gt;ἐπὶ νῶτα μέλαινα.
** Come, come is the swallow,&lt;br&gt;With fair spring to follow.&lt;br&gt;She and the fair weather&lt;br&gt;Are come along together.&lt;br&gt;White is her breast,&lt;br&gt;And black all the rest.	
** &quot;[[w:Swallow song of Rhodes|Swallow Song of Rhodes]]&quot;, in [[Athenaeus]], bk. 8, 360b-d; translated by [[Henry Charles Beeching|H. C. Beeching]], ''Love in Idleness'' (1883), p. 177

=== Latin ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Gesta Romanorum]]'''''
::'''''[[Mass (liturgy)#Catholic Church|Latin Mass]]'''''
::'''''[[Latin proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Pervigilium Veneris]]'''''

* ''Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,&lt;br&gt;Venite, venite in Bethlehem.&lt;br&gt;Natum videte&lt;br&gt;Regem angelorum:&lt;br&gt;Venite adoremus&lt;br&gt;Dominum.''
** O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!&lt;br&gt;O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;&lt;br&gt;Come and behold Him&lt;br&gt;Born the King of Angels:&lt;br&gt;O come, let us adore Him,&lt;br&gt;Christ the Lord.
** &quot;{{w|O Come, All Ye Faithful}}&quot;, st. 1 (ed. [[w:John Francis Wade|Wade]], 1751), translated by [[Frederick Oakeley]] (1841) and revised in Francis H. Murray's ''A Hymnal, for Use in the English Church'' (1852) p. 26 (Oakeley's original 1841 version began 'Ye faithful, approach ye, joyfully triumphant')

* ''Cume tonas, Leucesie, prae tet tremonti &lt;br&gt; Quom tibei cunei, dextumum tonaront.''
** When thou thunderest, Light-god, before thee they tremble, &lt;br&gt; Sith thy bolts have thundered on the right.
** [[w:Carmen Saliare|''Carmen Saliare'']], quoted in a corrupt form by [[w:Quintus Terentius Scaurus|Scaurus]] in his ''De orthographia'', and translated from [[w:Theodor Bergk|Bergk]]'s conjectural restoration by J. Wright Duff, ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 77 &lt;!-- See: [[w:Epithets of Jupiter|Epithets of Jupiter]] --&gt;

* ''Enos Lases iuuate'' (thrice). &lt;br&gt; ''Neue lue rue Marmar sins incurrere in pleores.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Satur fu, fere Mars: limen sali, sta berber.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Enos Marmor iuuato.'' (thrice) &lt;br&gt; ''Triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe!''
** Help us, ye Lares. &lt;br&gt; Let not blight and ruin, O Mars, haste upon the multitude. &lt;br&gt; Be satiate, fierce Mars: leap the threshold, stay thy scourge &lt;br&gt; Summon ye in turn all the gods of sowing. &lt;br&gt; Help us, O Mars. &lt;br&gt; Huzza! Huzza! Huzza! etc.
** ''[[w:Carmen Arvale|Carmen Arvale]]'', from an inscription of 218 AD and written in a then-archaic form of Old Latin, as translated by [[w:J. Wright Duff|J. Wright Duff]], ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 78

* ''{{w|Et in Arcadia ego}}.'' 
** Even in Arcadia, there am I.
** A ''memento mori'' from paintings by {{w|Guercino}} and [[Nicolas Poussin|Poussin]] (17th cent.)

* ''Gaudeamus igitur,&lt;br&gt;Iuvenes dum sumus!&lt;br&gt;Post iucundam iuventutem&lt;br&gt;Post molestam senectutem&lt;br&gt;Nos habebit humus.''
** Let us rejoice while we are young; for after the pleasures of youth, after the troubles of old age, we all shall be laid beneath the earth.
** &quot;[[w:Gaudeamus igitur|So Let Us Rejoice]]&quot;, st. 1 (c. 1267; ed. Christian Wilhelm Kindleben, 1781), as translated in ''The Presbyterian'', vol. 23, no. 51 (17 December 1853) p. 204&lt;!-- p. 4 of the issue --&gt;&lt;!-- Compare: J. A. Symonds, ''Wine, Women, and Song'' (London: Chatto and Windus, 1884) no. 60, p. 165.  John Hollander, ''Melodious Guile'' (Yale UP, 1988) p. 38. J. A. Pearce Jr. (1860) in [[w:Henry Randall Waite|H. R. Waite]] (ed.) ''Carmina Collegensia'' (January 1876) p. 71 --&gt;

* ''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]''. 
** Don't let the bastards grind you down.
** [[W:dog latin|Dog latin]] phrase (c. 1941). Literally: &quot;The unlawful are not silicon carbide.&quot;

=== Oriental ===

;Mesopotamian
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Epic of Gilgamesh]]''

* You climb to the mountains surveying the earth,&lt;br&gt;You suspend from the heavens the circle of the lands.
* You never fail to cross the wide expanse of sea,&lt;br&gt;The depth of which the Igigi know not.
* The heavens are not enough as the vessel into which you gaze,&lt;br&gt;The sum of the lands is inadequate as a seer's bowl.
** ''Great Hymn to Šamaš'', 21, 35, 154; tr. W. G. Lambert, ''Babylonian Wisdom Literature'' (Oxford, 1960), pp. 127 ff

;Indian
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Puranas]]'''''
::'''''[[Vedas]]'''''

* Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!&lt;br&gt;Look to this Day!&lt;br&gt;For it is Life, the very Life of Life.&lt;br&gt;In its brief Course lie all the&lt;br&gt;Varieties and Realities of your Existence:&lt;br&gt;The Bliss of Growth,&lt;br&gt;The Glory of Action,&lt;br&gt;The Splendour of Beauty;&lt;br&gt;For Yesterday is but a Dream&lt;br&gt;And Tomorrow is only a Vision;&lt;br&gt;But Today well lived makes&lt;br&gt;Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,&lt;br&gt;And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.&lt;br&gt;Look well therefore to this Day!&lt;br&gt;Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
** From the [[Sanskrit]], in Alleyne Ireland (ed.) [https://archive.org/details/masterpiecesofre002909mbp/page/300/mode/2up ''Masterpieces of Religious Verse''] (Harper &amp; Bros, 1905) p. 301 &lt;!-- &quot;The Salutation of the Dawn&quot; --&gt;

== See also ==
* [[Proverbs]], which are often passed down through the generations anonymously
* [[Bible]] — much of its material is of disputed authorship and is not believed to have been written by its purported authors
* [[Laozi]] — likely mythical founder of [[Taoism]], most sayings attributed to him were probably written anonymously

== External links ==
{{wikisource portal|Anonymous texts}}

[[Category:People]]

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      <text bytes="31363" sha1="aw7qg7gn59h1jqqk3ijy86gficai65d" xml:space="preserve">[[File:William Ford Gibson.jpg|thumb|The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed.]]
'''[[w:William Gibson|William Ford Gibson]]''' (born [[17 March]] [[1948]]) is an American-Canadian [[w:speculative fiction|speculative fiction]] writer and [[w:essayist|essayist]] widely credited with pioneering the [[w:science fiction|science fiction]] subgenre known as ''[[w:cyberpunk|cyberpunk]]''. Gibson coined the term &quot;[[w:cyberspace|cyberspace]]&quot; in his short story &quot;[[w:Burning Chrome|Burning Chrome]]&quot; and later popularized the concept in his debut novel, ''[[w:Neuromancer|Neuromancer]]'' (1984).

Gibson's novels are grouped into four informal trilogies:
* [[Sprawl trilogy|'''Sprawl trilogy quotes''']]
** ''Neuromancer, Count Zero, Mona Lisa Overdrive''
* [[Bridge trilogy|'''Bridge trilogy quotes''']]
** ''Virtual Light, Idoru, All Tomorrow's Parties''
* [[Blue Ant trilogy|'''Blue Ant trilogy quotes''']]
** ''Pattern Recognition, Spook Country, Zero History''
* [[Jackpot trilogy|'''Jackpot trilogy quotes''']]
** ''The Peripheral, Agency''

== Quotes ==
[[File:September 11 Photo Montage.jpg|thumb|Terrorism as we ordinarily understand it is innately media-related.]]
* On the most basic level, computers in my books are simply a metaphor for human memory: I'm interested in the hows and whys of memory, the ways it defines who and what we are, in how easily memory is subject to revision. When I was writing ''Neuromancer,'' it was wonderful to be able to tie a lot of these interests into the computer metaphor. It wasn't until I could finally afford a computer of my own that I found out there's a drive mechanism inside — this little thing that spins around. I'd been expecting an exotic crystalline thing, a cyberspace deck or something, and what I got was a little piece of a Victorian engine that made noises like a scratchy old record player. That noise took away some of the mystique for me; it made computers less sexy. My ignorance had allowed me to romanticize them.
** Interview with Larry McCaffery in ''Storming the Reality Studio : A Casebook of Cyberpunk and Postmodern Science Fiction,'' Duke University Press (December 1991)

* The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed.
** He is reported to have first said this in an interview on ''Fresh Air'', NPR (31 August 1993) {[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107153 unverified]}, he repeated it, prefacing it with &quot;As I've said many times…&quot; in [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1067220 &quot;The Science in Science Fiction&quot; on ''Talk of the Nation'', NPR (30 November 1999, Timecode 11:20)]. See also [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/01/24/future-has-arrived/ ''The future has arrived...'' - Quote Investigator].

* The [[Internet|NET]] is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.
** Name of an [http://www.voidspace.org.uk/cyberpunk/gibson_wasteoftime.shtml article] he wrote for ''New York Times Magazine'' (14 July 1996)

* In 1977, facing first-time parenthood and an absolute lack of enthusiasm for anything like &quot;career,&quot; I found myself dusting off my twelve-year-old's interest in science fiction. Simultaneously, weird noises were being heard from New York and London. I took [[Punk rock|Punk]] to be the detonation of some slow-fused projectile buried deep in society's flank a decade earlier, and I took it to be, somehow, a sign. And I began, then, to write. &lt;br&gt; And have been, ever since.
** &quot;Since 1948,&quot; an essay formerly posted on williamgibsonbooks.com (6 November 2002) and subsequently published in ''Distrust that Particular Flavor.''

* The future is not google-able.
** Comments at A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Books, San Francisco, California (5 February 2004)

* There is always a point at which the terrorist ceases to manipulate the media gestalt. A point at which the violence may well escalate, but beyond which the terrorist has become symptomatic of the media gestalt itself. Terrorism as we ordinarily understand it is innately media-related.
** [http://www.williamgibsonbooks.com/blog/2004_10_01_archive.asp Official blog at williamgibsonbooks.com (31 October 2004)]

* Loss is not without its curious advantages for the artist. Major traumatic breaks are pretty common in the biographies of artists I respect.
** Interview in ''The New York Times Magazine'' (19 August 2007)

* The most common human act that writing a novel resembles is lying. The working novelist lies daily, very complexly, and at great length. If not for our excessive vanity and our over-active imaginations, novelists might be unusually difficult to deceive.
** [http://twitter.com/GreatDismal/status/1986617191 Twitter tweet (31 May 2009)]&lt;!-- also [http://twitter.com/GreatDismal/status/1986630272 (1 June 2009)] --&gt;

* Naps are essential to my process. Not dreams, but that state adjacent to sleep, the mind on waking.
** Interview in [http://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/6089/the-art-of-fiction-no-211-william-gibson Paris Review Summer 2011]

* This perpetual toggling between nothing being new, under the sun, and everything having very recently changed, absolutely, is perhaps the central driving tension of my work.
** [http://litseen.com/?p=7466 At the Booksmith], reading from ''Distrust That Particular Flavor''. (19 January 2012).

* We no longer grow the full beef of bohemia, It's all veal now.
** [https://soundcloud.com/intelligence2/william-gibson-on-zero-history Intelligence Squared on 'Zero History' with Cory Doctorow] (5th October 2010)

=== [[w:Burning_Chrome_(short_story_collection)|''Burning Chrome'']] (short story collection, 1986) ===
[[File:Defense Secretary Ash Carter tours the Microsoft Cybercrime Center in Seattle, March 3, 2016.JPG|thumb|300px|It's impossible to move, to live, to operate at any level without leaving traces, bits, seemingly meaningless fragments of personal information.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Johnny Mnemonic&quot;''']]

* I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a very technical boy.
** &quot;[[w:Johnny Mnemonic|Johnny Mnemonic]]&quot; (originally published in [[w:Omni (magazine)|''Omni'' magazine]], 1981)

* We're an information economy. They teach you that in school. What they don't tell you is that it's impossible to move, to live, to operate at any level without leaving traces, bits, seemingly meaningless fragments of personal information. Fragments that can be retrieved, amplified...
** &quot;Johnny Mnemonic&quot;

* “As broker, I'm usually very careful as to sources.”&lt;br&gt;“You buy only from those who steal the best. Got it.” 
** &quot;Johnny Mnemonic&quot;

* &quot;Last week I was in Virginia. [[w:Grayson County, Virginia|Grayson County]],&quot; Kihn said. &quot;I interviewed a sixteen-year-old girl who'd been assaulted 'bya bar hade.'&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;A what?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;A bear head. The severed head of a bear. This bar hade, see, was floating around on its own little flying saucer…Now ''that'' is the…straight goods from the [[w:Collective unconscious|mass unconscious]]. That little girl is a witch. There's just no place for her to function in this society. She'd have seen the devil, if she hadn't been brought up on 'The Bionic Man' and all those ''Star Trek'' reruns. She is clued into the main vein.&quot;
** [[w:The Gernsbach Continuum|&quot;The Gernsbach Continuum&quot;]] (orginally published in the anthology [[w:Universe 11|''Universe 11'']], 1981. Grayson County is located in a neighboring county to Gibson's childhood home.)

[[File:Amazing science fiction stories 195906.jpg|thumb|I could buy aliens, but not aliens that look like Fifties' comic art.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;The Gernsbach Continuum&quot;''']]

* &quot;If you want a classier explanation, I'd say you saw a [[w:Semiotics|semiotic]] ghost,&quot; Kihn said. &quot;All these contactee stories, for instance, are framed in a kind of sci-fi imagery that permeates our culture. I could buy aliens, but not aliens that look like Fifties' comic art.&quot;
** &quot;The Gernsbach Continuum&quot;

* &quot;Hell of a world we live in…&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;That's right,&quot; I said, &quot;or even worse, it could be perfect.&quot;
** &quot;The Gernsbach Continuum&quot;

* Parker saw his first [[w:Immersion (virtual reality|ASP unit]] in a Texas shantytown called Judy's Jungle. It was a massive console cased in cheap plastic chrome. A ten-dollar bill fed into the slot bought you five minutes of free-fall gymnastics in a Swiss orbital spa, trampolining through twenty-meter perihelions with a sixteen-year-old ''Vogue'' model, heady stuff for the Jungle, where it was simpler to buy a gun than a hot bath.
** [[w:Fragments of a Hologram Rose|&quot;Fragments of a Hologram Rose&quot;]] (Gibson's first published story, originally appearing in ''Unearth 3'', 1977) 

* She swam through the submarine half-life of bottles and glassware and the slow swirl of cigarette smoke...she moved through her natural element, one bar after another.
** [[w:The Belonging Kind|&quot;The Belonging Kind&quot;]] (co-authored with [[w:John Shirley|John Shirley]], originally appearing in ''Shadows'' 4, 1981)

* Coretti didn't know how to dress. Clothing was a language and Coretti a kind of sartorial stutterer, unable to make the kind of basic coherent fashion statement that would put strangers at their ease.
** &quot;The Belonging Kind&quot;

* The part of Coretti that was dialectologist stirred uneasily; too perfect a shift in phrasing and inflection. An actress? A talented mimic? The word [[w:Mimicry|''mimetic'']] rose suddenly in his mind, but he pushed it aside to study her reflection in the mirror; the rows of bottles occluded her breasts like a gown of glass.
** &quot;The Belonging Kind&quot;

[[File:STS039-085-00E Lake Balkhash, Kazakhstan April 1991.jpg|thumb|Colonel Korolev twisted slowly in his harness, dreaming of winter and gravity. Young again, a cadet, he whipped his horse across the late November steppes of Kazakhstan into dry red vistas of Martian sunset.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;'''&lt;br&gt;Image: Lake Balkhash, Kazakhstan, April 1991]]

* They had better luck with the seashell. [[w:Astrobiology|Exobiology]] suddenly found itself standing on unnervingly solid ground: one and seven-tenths grams of highly organized biological information, definitely extraterrestrial. Olga's seashell generated an entire subbranch of the science, devoted exclusively to the study of...Olga's seashell.
** [[w:Hinterlands (short story)|&quot;Hinterlands&quot;]] (originally appearing in ''Omni'', October 1981)

* So now it's [[w:Cargo cult|cargo cult]] time for the human race. We can pick things up out there that we might not stumble across in research in a thousand years...Charmian says that contact with &quot;superior&quot; civilizations is something you don't wish on your worst enemy.
** &quot;Hinterlands&quot;

* Colonel Korolev twisted slowly in his harness, dreaming of winter and gravity. Young again, a cadet, he whipped his horse across the late November steppes of Kazakhstan into dry red vistas of Martian sunset.
** [[w:Red Star, Winter Orbit|&quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;]] (co-authored with [[w:Bruce Sterling|Bruce Sterling]], originally appearing in ''Omni'', July 1983)

* &quot;The [[w:Solar balloons|sun balloons]]!&quot; cried Grishkin, pointing toward the earth.&lt;br&gt;Kosmograd was above the coast of California now, clean shorelines, intensely green fields, vast decaying cities whose names rang with a strange magic. High above a fleece of stratocumulus floated five solar balloons, mirrored geodesic spheres tethered by power lines.&lt;br&gt;&quot;And they say that people live in those things?&quot; 
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

* For more than three decades the Americans had been [[Jackpot trilogy|gradually sliding]] into isolationism and industrial decline. Space, he thought ruefully, they should have gone into space. He'd never understood the strange paralysis of will that had seemed to grip their [[w:Apollo program|brilliant early efforts]]. Or perhaps it was simply a [[w:Criticism_of_the_Space_Shuttle_program#Retrospect|failure of imagination]], of vision.
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

[[File:High-altitude-balloon-1041.jpg|thumb|&quot;The [[w:Solar balloons|sun balloons]]!&quot; cried Grishkin, pointing toward the earth.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;''']]

* When the knocking came, he knew that it must be a dream as well.&lt;br&gt;The hatch wheeled open.&lt;br&gt;He saw that the woman was black. Long corkscrews of matted hair rose like cobras around her head.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Andy,&quot; she said in English, &quot;you better come see this!&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Is he alive?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Of course I am alive.&quot; said Korolev in slightly accented English.&lt;br&gt;The man called Andy sailed in over her head. &quot;You okay, Jack?&quot; His right bicep was tattooed with a geodesic balloon above crossed lightning bolts and bore the legend SUNSPARK 15, UTAH. &quot;We weren't expecting anybody.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Neither was I,&quot; said Korolev, blinking.
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

* Korolev stared at the man, who had the blundering, careless look of someone drunk on freedom since birth.
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

[[File:VancouverBerge.JPG|thumb|400px|But then there are days when it's like they whip aside a curtain to flash you three minutes of sunlit, suspended mountain, the trademark at the start of God's own movie.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;The Winter Market&quot;'''&lt;br&gt;Image: Vancouver, [[w:North Shore Mountains|North Shore Mountains]].]]

* &quot;But why?&quot; Korolev shook his head, deeply confused. &quot;Why have you come?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;We told you. To live here…Who'd want to live out here for the sake of some government, some army brass, a bunch of pen pushers? You have to want a frontier—want it in your bones, right?&quot;&lt;br&gt;Korolev smiled. Andy grinned back.
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

* Kosmograd's hull rang again...&lt;br&gt;&quot;East Los Angeles,&quot; the woman said. &quot;That's the one with the kids in it.&quot; She took off her goggles, and Korolev saw her eyes brimming over with a wonderful lunacy.
** &quot;Red Star, Winter Orbit&quot;

* We strolled past bales of raw wool and plastic tubs of Chinese microchips. I hinted that my employers planned to manufacture synthetic beta-endorphin. Always try to give them something they understand.
** [[w:New Rose Hotel|&quot;New Rose Hotel&quot;]] (set in the Sprawl universe, first appearing in ''Omni'', July 1984)

* But then there are days when it's like they whip aside a curtain to flash you three minutes of sunlit, suspended mountain, the trademark at the start of God's own movie. It was like that the day her agents phoned, from deep in the heart of their mirrored pyramid on Beverly Boulevard, to tell me she'd merged with the net, crossed over for good...
** [[w:The Winter Market|&quot;The Winter Market&quot;]] (originally appearing in [[w:Vancouver Magazine|''Vancouver'' magazine]], November 1985)

[[File:Hang Seng Bank (恒生銀號) - British Hong Kong 02.jpg|thumb|150px|The Long Hum people were so oblique that they made my idea of a subtle approach look like a tactical nuke-out.&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Burning Chrome&quot;''']]

* Got my jacket and took the stairs three at a time, straight out to the nearest bar and an eight-hour blackout that ended on a concrete ledge two meters above midnight.
** &quot;The Winter Market&quot;

* I stood there for a long time before I took that first step back. Because she was dead, and I'd let her go. Because, now, she was immortal, and I'd helped her get that way. And because I knew she'd phone me, in the morning.
** &quot;The Winter Market&quot;

* There was coffee. Life would go on.
** &quot;The Winter Market&quot;

* If I was looking to be depressed, I’d come to the right place.
** &quot;The Winter Market&quot;

* Bets were being made, being covered. The kickers were producing the hard stuff, the old stuff, liberty-headed dollars and Roosevelt dimes from the stamp-and-coin stores, while more cautious bettors slapped down antique paper dollars laminated in clear plastic. Through the haze came a trio of red planes, flying in formation. [[w:Fokker D.VII|Fokker D.VIIs]]. The room fell silent.
** [[w:Dogfight (short story)|&quot;Dogfight&quot;]] (co-authored with [[w:Michael Swanwick|Michael Swanwick]], first appearing in ''Omni'', July 1985)

* Deke looked at her through a wash of tears. Student. That fed look, the oversize sweatshirt, teeth so straight and white they could be used as a credit reference.
** &quot;Dogfight&quot;

* [[w:Vasopressin|Vasopressin]] makes you remember, I mean really remember. Clinically they use the stuff to counter senile amnesia, ''but the street finds its own uses for things.''
** &quot;[[w:Burning Chrome|Burning Chrome]]&quot; (The ''Burning Chrome'' anthology was named after this short story, originally published in ''Omni'', 1982)

* We were looking for the world's heaviest fence, for a non-aligned money laundry capable of dry-cleaning a megabuck online cash transfer and then forgetting about it...It was the Finn who put me on to what we needed. He even had the number. You want a fence, ask another fence.
** &quot;Burning Chrome&quot;  (The Finn appears in four of Gibson's fictional works, possibly the most of any of his characters. &quot;Burning Chrome&quot; contains the first of his appearances, which continue throughout the Sprawl trilogy.)

[[File:FEMA - 1557 - Photograph by FEMA News Photo taken on 04-26-1995 in Oklahoma.jpg|thumb|[[w:Oklahoma City bombing|Oklahoma City]]: Something bad had happened in Middle America. Whenever something like this happens, it ups the ante on being a science fiction writer.&lt;br&gt;'''''No Maps for These Territories''''']]

* &quot;Macao,&quot; the Finn said.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Macao?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;The Long Hum family. Stockbrokers.&quot;&lt;br&gt;The Long Hum people were so oblique that they made my idea of a subtle approach look like a tactical nuke-out.
** &quot;Burning Chrome&quot;

=== ''[[w:No Maps for These Territories|No Maps for These Territories]]'' (documentary, 2000)===
:'''On the mediated world'''
* I think the last time I had one of those &quot;CNN moments,&quot; where I was slammed right up against the windshield of the present, would have been seeing that [[w:Oklahoma City bombing|federal building in Oklahoma City]] lying there in its own crater...and getting the idea that something bad had happened in Middle America. Whenever something like this happens, it ups the ante on being a science-fiction writer. It changes the nature of the game. &lt;!-- Section 1.7 :: Mediated world --&gt; 

* Another example — maybe a better one, in a way — was when it was confirmed that [[Michael Jackson]] was going to marry [[Elvis Presley]]'s daughter. A good friend of mine in the States faxed me, and he simply said, &quot;This makes your job more difficult.&quot; And I knew exactly what he meant. Because something — a scenario — that seemed to belong to the universe of the late [[w:Terry Southern|Terry Southern]], was suddenly real. It's that truth-is-stranger-than-fiction factor keeps getting jacked up on us on a fairly regular, maybe even exponential, basis. I think that's something peculiar to our time. I don't think our grandparents had to live with that. &lt;!-- Section 1.7 :: Mediated world --&gt; 

:'''On his youth'''
* It had much more to do with my wanting to be with hippie girls and have lots of hashish than it did with my sympathy for the plight of the North Vietnamese people under US imperialism. Much more, much more to do with hippy girls and hashish.
** On dodging the draft and moving to Toronto

* Consequently, when I got to Toronto, much to my chagrin, I really couldn't handle hanging out with the American draft dodgers. There was too much clinical depression. Too much suicide. Too much hardcore substance abuse. They were a traumatized lot, those boys. And I just felt frivolous.

* The straight world didn't end. The straight world and the other world had bled into one another and produced the world that we live in today.

[[File:Reagans with Michael Jackson.jpg|thumb|That truth-is-stranger-than-fiction factor keeps getting jacked up on us on a fairly regular, maybe even exponential, basis.]]

* Drugs were absolutely central to that experience, but they weren't essential. I only know that in retrospect. At the time I'm sure I would have said that they were.

* All any drug amounts to is tweaking the incoming data. You have to be incredibly self-centered or pathetic to be satisfied with simply tweaking the incoming data.

:'''On humanity and religion'''
* Acceptance. Acceptance of the impermanence of being. And acceptance of the imperfect nature of being, or possibly the perfect nature of being, depending on how one looks at it. Acceptance that this is not a rehearsal. That this is it.
** When asked what will save humanity.

* I think of religions as franchise operations. Like chicken franchise operations. But that doesn't mean there's no ''chicken'', right?
** Referring to his belief that it's possible for religions to help people.

:'''On writing'''
* Seated each afternoon in the darkened screening room, Halliday came to recognize the targeted numerals of the Academy leader as sigils preceding the dream state of a film.
** A sentence that he worked on for years earlier in his career, which eventually went nowhere. Troubled by inexperience in &quot;actually getting the characters to move,&quot; he spent so much time on it that he can still remember every word more than 20 years later.

[[File:Internet map 1024.jpg|thumb|[The Internet] will bring about the extinction of the nation-state as we know it...I think it will be as big a deal as the creation of cities.]]

* I became so frustrated with my inability to physically move the characters through the imaginary narrative space, that I actually developed an early form of imaginary VR technology that sort of covered my ass ... all they had to do was switch tapes and be in a different place, and I was spared the embarrassment of demonstrating that I didn't know how to get them up and down the stairs.

:'''&quot;Cyberspace&quot; and the Internet'''

* All I knew about the word &quot;cyberspace&quot; when I coined it, was that it seemed like an effective buzzword. It seemed evocative and essentially meaningless. It was suggestive of something, but had no real semantic meaning, even for me, as I saw it emerge on the page.

* It will bring about the extinction of the nation-state as we know it... I think it will be as big a deal as the creation of cities.
** Referring to the Internet

* I didn't imagine that art girls in the Midwest would be flashing their tits in cyberspace...but I'm glad that they're doing it.
** Asked whether the Internet is how he imagined it would be

'''Note:''' Gibson's comments about ''Neuromancer'' from this documentary can be found on the [[Sprawl trilogy]] Wikiquote page.

=== [[w:Distrust That Particular Flavor|''Distrust That Particular Flavor'']] (2012) ===
:Collected essays and articles 1989-2010. Gibson's comments from this collection about [[Sprawl_trilogy#Gibson_on_Neuromancer|''Neuromancer'']], [[Bridge_trilogy#Gibson_on_Virtual_Light|''Virtual Light'']], [[Blue_Ant_trilogy#Gibson_on_Pattern_Recognition|''Pattern Recognition'']] and [[Blue_Ant_trilogy#Gibson_on_Zero_History|''Zero History'']] can be found in those books' respective quote collections.

* Later attempts sometimes involved outer space...I don't remember them. My wife parodied them all, not unkindly, as “His long green ears quivering, Fimo slipped from the rig.”...there was always something akin to “the rig.” Some unimagined (by me), hence unnamed, element of technology. But already I sensed that even if I had somehow come to know what the rig was, what it was for, it was better not to tell the reader just then. “Javnaker slipped from the [[Jackpot_trilogy#The_Peripheral_(2014)|quantum universe-splitter that wasn’t actually a time machine]]” would not be good for the reader.
** Introduction: &quot;African Thumb Piano&quot;

[[File:RCA Indian Head Test Pattern.svg|thumb|300px|Initially there was nothing on [television] but “snow,” and then the nightly advent of a targetlike device called “[[w:Indian-head test pattern|the test pattern]],” which people actually gathered to watch.]]

* This newfound state of No Future is, in my opinion, a very good thing. It indicates a kind of maturity, an understanding that every future is someone else's past, every present someone else's future. Upon arriving in the capital-F Future, we discover it, invariably, to be the lower-case now.&lt;br&gt;The best science fiction has always known that, but it was a sort of cultural secret. When I began to write fiction, at the very end of the Seventies, I was fortunate to have been taught, as an undergraduate, that imaginary futures are always, regardless of what the authors might think, about the day in which they're written. Orwell knew it, writing ''Nineteen Eighty-Four'' in 1948, and I knew it writing ''Neuromancer,'' my first novel, which was published in 1984.
** &quot;Talk for [[w:BookExpo America|Book Expo]], New York,&quot; 2010.

* Time moves in one direction, memory in another.&lt;br&gt;We are that strange species that constructs artifacts intended to counter the natural flow of forgetting.
** &quot;Dead Man Sings,&quot; published in ''Forbes ASAP'', November 30, 1998.

* My first impulse, when presented with any spanking-new piece of computer hardware, is to imagine how it will look in ten years' time, gathering dust under a card table in a thrift shop. And it probably will.
** &quot;My Obsession,&quot; ''Wired'', issue 7.01. 1999.

* I was born in 1948. I can't recall a world before television...Initially there was nothing on it but “snow,” and then the nightly advent of a targetlike device called “[[w:Indian-head test pattern|the test pattern]],” which people actually gathered to watch.&lt;br&gt;I imagine that the World Wide Web and its modest wonders are no more than the test pattern for whatever the twenty-first century will regard as its equivalent medium. 
** &quot;The Net Is a Waste of Time,&quot; ''The New York Times Magazine'', July 14, 1996.

[[File:Scylla- a book of the dead.jpg|thumb|upright|If not for our excessive vanity and our over-active imaginations, novelists might be unusually difficult to deceive.]]

* In the age of wooden television in the South where I grew up, leisure involved sitting on screened porches, smoking cigarettes, drinking iced tea, engaging in conversation, and staring into space. It might also involve fishing.&lt;br&gt;Sometimes the Web does remind me of fishing. 
** &quot;The Net Is a Waste of Time,&quot; ''The New York Times Magazine'', July 14, 1996.

* “Surfing the Web” (as dubious a metaphor as “the information highway”) is, as a friend of mine has it, “like reading magazines with the pages stuck together.” My wife shakes her head in dismay as I patiently await the downloading of some Japanese Beatles fan's personal catalog of bootlegs. “But it’s from Japan!” She isn't moved. She goes out to enjoy the flowers in her garden.
** &quot;The Net Is a Waste of Time,&quot; ''The New York Times Magazine'', July 14, 1996.

* As new technologies search out and lace over every interstice in the net of global communication, we find ourselves with increasingly less excuse for...slack. And that, I would argue, is what the [[w:History_of_the_World_Wide_Web#1991–1995:_The_Web_goes_public,_early_growth|World Wide Web]], the test pattern for whatever will become the dominant global medium, offers us. Today, in its clumsy, larval, curiously innocent way, it offers us the opportunity to waste time...It will probably evolve into something considerably less random, and less fun — we seem to have a knack for that — but in the meantime, in its gloriously unsorted Global Ham Television Postcard Universes phase, surfing the Web is a procrastinator's dream. And people who see you doing it might even imagine you're working.
** &quot;The Net Is a Waste of Time,&quot; ''The New York Times Magazine'', July 14, 1996.

* Maybe.
** &quot;Will We Have Computer Chips in Our Heads?&quot; Time, June 19, 2000.

* Rather than plug a piece of hardware into our gray matter, how much more elegant to extract some brain cells, plop them into a Petri dish, and graft on various sorts of gelatinous computing goo. Slug it all back into the skull and watch it run on blood sugar, the way a human brain's supposed to.
** &quot;Will We Have Computer Chips in Our Heads?&quot; Time, June 19, 2000.

* I thought of the Garage Kubrick when I went to Sundance for the first time and saw young filmmakers doing what young filmmakers apparently must do to get attention for their work — the public part of which seemed to involve shuffling in a tense sort of lemming-lockstep up and down the main drag of Park City, talking on two cell phones at once and looking near-fatally stressed. The private part, the deal-making part, I assumed (based on experiences of my own) would be worse. Or simply wouldn't happen.
** &quot;William Gibson's Filmless Festival,&quot; ''Wired'', issue 7.10, 1999.

{{Misattributed begin}}

==Misattributed==
* &quot;Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.&quot; — thought to be Gibson's words as a result of Twitter attribution decay, despite repeated disavowals. [https://twitter.com/#!/GreatDismal/status/144940064990961664] [https://twitter.com/#!/GreatDismal/status/144941061578559488] [https://twitter.com/#!/GreatDismal/status/144941447936884736] [https://twitter.com/#!/GreatDismal/status/171091202161131520]. The source, according to Gibson, is Steven Winterburn [https://twitter.com/greatdismal/status/119133581598666752] [https://twitter.com/5tevenw/status/73091190475595776]. However, Steven Winterburn is NOT the original creator of that quote. The original quote is the creation of Twitter account holder &quot;@debihope&quot;  [https://twitter.com/debihope?lang=en]. See research by quoteinvestigator [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/10/25/diagnose/].
{{Misattributed end}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}} 
* [http://www.WilliamGibsonbooks.com WilliamGibsonbooks.com – personal website]
* [http://twitter.com/GreatDismal Twitter feed]
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0317218/ Profile at IMDb]
* {{isfdb name|id=William_Gibson|name=William Gibson}}
* [http://project.cyberpunk.ru/idb/williamgibson.html Project Cyberpunk's biography and links]
* [http://www.athabascau.ca/writers/wgibson_biblio1.html Bibliography of Works by William Gibson at Centre for Language and Literature, at Athabasca University]
* [http://www.antonraubenweiss.com/gibson/ William Gibson Aleph] 
* [http://www.zenwerx.com/neuromancer/ Synaptic Response]
* [http://genius.cat-v.org/william-gibson/interviews/ Collection of interviews with William Gibson].

{{DEFAULTSORT:Gibson, William}}
[[Category:Science fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:1948 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
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[[Category:Essayists from the United States]]
[[Category:Short story writers from the United States]]
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[[Category:Nebula Award winners]]

[[es:William Gibson]]
[[ru:Нейромант]]

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    <title>Thomas &amp; Friends</title>
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:'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}}
----
'''''Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas &amp; Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Movies==
* ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005)
* ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008)
* ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2024)
* ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2025)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2026)
* ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015)
* ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015)
* ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016)
* ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017)
* ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018)

== Storytellers ==
*[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986)
*[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012)
*[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995)
*[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002)
*[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012)
*[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008)
*[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017)
*[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)
*[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)

== Character Voices ==
*[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986)
*[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012)
*[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995)
*[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002)
*[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012)
*[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008)
*[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017)
*[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)
*[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)

== See also ==
*''[[Tugs]]''
*''[[Shining Time Station]]''
*''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]''
*''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: All Engines Go]]''
*''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]''
*''[[Rail Simulator]]''
*''[[Train Simulator Classic]]''
*''[[Train Sim World]]''
*''[[The Railway Series]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Thomas &amp; Friends}}
*{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends}}

{{Thomas &amp; Friends}}

[[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Thomas &amp; Friends]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Freeform shows]]
[[Category:ITV shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]</text>
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:'''Seasons''': The Model Series Eras: The Old Series Eras: The Clearwater Features Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 1|1]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 2|2]]}} The Britt Allcroft Company Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 3|3]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 4|4]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 5|5]]}} The Gullane Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 6|6]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 7|7]]}} The New Series Era: The Old HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 8|8]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 9|9]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 10|10]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 11|11]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 12|12]]}} The CGI Series Eras: The Old CGI Series Era: The New HIT Entertainment Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 13|13]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 14|14]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 15|15]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 16|16]]}} The New CGI Series Era: The Andrew Brenner Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 17|17]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 18|18]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 19|19]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 20|20]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 21|21]]}} The Big World! Big Adventures! Era: {{small|[[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 22|22]] [[Thomas &amp; Friends/Season 23|23]] 24}}
----
'''''Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends''''' (1984–1986, 1991-1992, 1994-1995, 1998, 2002-2021, otherwise referred to as '''''Thomas &amp; Friends''''', '''''Thomas the Tank Engine''''' or '''''Thomas''''' for short) is a British [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the series of the British children's books referred to as ''[[The Railway Series]]''. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Movies==
* ''[[Thomas and the Magic Railroad]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Calling All Engines!]]'' (2005)
* ''[[The Great Discovery]]'' (2008)
* ''[[Hero of the Rails]]'' (2009)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: Misty Island Rescue|Misty Island Rescue]]'' (2010)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: Day of the Diesels|Day of the Diesels]]'' (2024)
* ''[[Blue Mountain Mystery]]'' (2025)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: King of the Railway|King of the Railway]] (2026)
* ''[[Tale of the Brave]]'' (2014)
* ''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: The Adventure Begins|The Adventure Begins]]'' (2015)
* ''[[Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure]]'' (2015)
* ''[[The Great Race (Thomas)|The Great Race]]'' (2016)
* ''[[Journey Beyond Sodor]]'' (2017)
* ''[[Big World! Big Adventures!]]'' (2018)

== Storytellers ==
*[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986)
*[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012)
*[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995)
*[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002)
*[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012)
*[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008)
*[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017)
*[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)
*[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)

== Character Voices ==
*[[Ringo Starr]] (UK/US) (Seasons 1–2) (1984–1986)
*[[w:Michael Angelis|Michael Angelis]] (UK) (Seasons 3–16) (1991–2012)
*[[George Carlin]] (US) (Seasons 1–4) (1984–1995)
*[[Alec Baldwin]] (US) (Seasons 5–6) (1998–2002)
*[[w:Michael Brandon|Michael Brandon]] (US) (Seasons 7–16) (2003–2012)
*[[w:Pierce Brosnan|Pierce Brosnan]] (UK/US) (Season 12) (2008)
*[[w:Mark Moraghan|Mark Moraghan]] (UK/US) (Seasons 17–21) (2013–2017)
*[[w:John Hasler|John Hasler]] (UK) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)
*[[w:Joseph May|Joseph May]] (US) (Seasons 22–24) (2018–2021)

== See also ==
*''[[Tugs]]''
*''[[Shining Time Station]]''
*''[[Salty's Lighthouse]]''
*''[[Thomas &amp; Friends: All Engines Go]]''
*''[[Microsoft Train Simulator]]''
*''[[Rail Simulator]]''
*''[[Train Simulator Classic]]''
*''[[Train Sim World]]''
*''[[The Railway Series]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Thomas &amp; Friends}}
*{{imdb title | id=0086815 | title=Thomas the Tank Engine &amp; Friends}}

{{Thomas &amp; Friends}}

[[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Thomas &amp; Friends]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Freeform shows]]
[[Category:ITV shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Donald Trump</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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        <id>323041</id>
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      <comment>/* June 2026 */ &quot;we will be taking Kharg Island&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="622472" sha1="hsjonaalpc9389fbkcq0jgprb7nox33" xml:space="preserve">&lt;!-- This is a controversial subject. Please note that Wikiquote is not censored. --&gt;
{{Too-long}}
[[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.]]
'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who is serving as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|47th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] since January 20, 2025. He previously served as the 45th president from 2017 to 2021.

:See also:
::'''''[[Quotes about Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[First presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''
[[lv:Donalds Trumps]]

==Quotes==
[[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best... We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans.]][[File:January 2025 Official Presidential Portrait of Donald J. Trump.jpg|thumb| I believe it is God’s job to sit in judgment; my job, to defend America and to promote the fundamental interests of stability, prosperity, and peace. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2025/05/trump-immoral-world-order/682826/ ]]][[File:Cabinet Meeting (49092290281).jpg|thumb| They let&amp;mdash;I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do. They’re poisoning the blood of our country.[https://variety.com/2024/biz/news/donald-trump-god-rnc-nomination-1236077838/]|alt=File:Main-qimg-021d8d22e0438179020144bbb4821733.jpg]][[File:Shinzo Abe and Donald Trump playing golf.jpg|thumb| That's one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That's a huge advantage. I must tell you, that's a huge advantage over the other candidates.[https://nypost.com/2024/07/25/us-news/trump-hopes-us-obliterates-iran-if-hes-assassinated-by-the-american-adversary/]]]
[[File:This was the President Donald Trump's first trip aboard Air Force One (cropped).jpg|thumb|I know the best people. To me, it's all about people. You got to have the right people. When we have the right people, it runs beautifully[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]]]
===1980s===
* '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president.  I don’t know.  
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the [[President of the United States]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the job, and there are very capable people in this country.&lt;br&gt;'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile.
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the [[New York City|City of New York]], and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. 
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal.
** {{citation
|title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump
|journal=The New York Times
|date=August 7, 1983
|first=Marilyn
|last=Bender
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html
}}

* &quot;Give them the old Trump bullshit,&quot; he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]] design at a press conference in 1980. &quot;Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories.&quot;
** [[Marie Brenner]] &quot;After the Gold Rush&quot;, ''[[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]]'' (September 1, 1990)

* Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't.
* It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation
** {{citation
|title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future!
|journal=Washington Post
|date=November 15, 1984
|first=Lois
|last=Romano
|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility
}}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union

* I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my [[enterprises]].
**''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (July 22, 1985)

* I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake.
**''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (July 11, 1988), p. 24

* I'm not big on [[compromise]]. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of [[Failure|defeat]], and I don't like being defeated.
**''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii

* [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so.
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS!
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of &quot;[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]&quot; which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's.
** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done.
** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were later vacated)

* I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect.
**''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (September 23, 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25

* I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist.
**''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'' (March 1990)

====''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)====
{{main|The Art of the Deal}}

* I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.

* I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage.

* I'm a great believer in asking everyone for an opinion before I make a decision. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms.

* You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.

* You can't be scared. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens.

===1990===
[[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]]
[[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|upright|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]]
* What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3

*She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, &quot;Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore.&quot;
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52

* &quot;When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left,&quot; he told me.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]]

* &quot;I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me,&quot; Donald told a close friend.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}}

* Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done.
** in response to the question, &quot;Is [[adultery]] a sin.&quot;
** in the ''[[New York Post]]'' (February 23, 1990), as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast'']

* [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}

* When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}}

* I said to the [[bankers]], &quot;Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us.&quot;
** ''Fortune'' (August 13, 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44
** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: &quot;If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.&quot;

===1991===
* You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991)

===1992===
* You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}}
** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&amp;q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&amp;q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&amp;f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original.

* Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you.
** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992
** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate]

* He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well.
:Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things.
:I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends.
:He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman.
:* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#&quot;John Miller&quot; (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post 

* I'm gonna be dating her in ten years.
** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992
** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}}

===1993===
* '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.&lt;br&gt;'''Stern''': Alright, good.
** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993

* You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

*I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable.
**Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187

===1994===
* Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell...
** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994

*Everybody's always blaming me for everything.
**16 May 1994 in &quot;For Sale by Owner&quot; s4e24 of &quot;Fresh Prince of Bel-Air&quot;, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_wcNmQ_hEk&amp;t=70 video here]

===1996===
* Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get &quot;personal&quot; with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump.
** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996

===1997===
*“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider”
**speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

===1999===
* I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999)

* I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people.
** On an interview (1999 November 26)

* The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other.
** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46

* I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun.
** As quoted in  ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}}

* People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine?
** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}}

===2000===
* I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s.
**{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}}

* So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep.
** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}&lt;!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski  |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--&gt;

* I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit.
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA23&amp;dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 &quot;Trump towers&quot;], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23

* It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it.
** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ &quot;What Does Donald Trump Really Want?&quot;], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000.

===2002===
* I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place.
**''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23

* '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]?
* '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly.
** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016)

* I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.
** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002.

* I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town.
** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}}

===2003===
* I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways.
** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}&lt;!-- published/quoted where? --&gt;

===2004===
*Trump: My daughter is beautiful, Ivanka&lt;br&gt;Stern: By the way, your daughter,&lt;br&gt;Trump: She’s beautiful&lt;br&gt;Stern: Can I say this? A '''piece of ass'''&lt;br&gt;Trump: Yeah
**September 2004 exchange with [[Howard Stern]] [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern reported in 2016 by CNN]

* Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004)

* If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii

* Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74

* In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86

* Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity.
** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20

* I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business.
** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16

* People say, &quot;Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?&quot; And I said, &quot;Absolutely.&quot; You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004)

* All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected.
**[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004)

* ''[On &quot;You're fired!&quot;:]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words.
** {{citation
|title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world
|journal=San Francisco Chronicle
|date=2004-03-28
|first=David
|last=Armstrong
|url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php
}}

* My life is seeing everything in terms of &quot;How would ''I'' handle that?&quot; '''Look at the [[Iraq War|war in Iraq]] and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!'''
** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ &quot;Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)&quot; (18 August 2015)]

* Pregnancy is &quot;a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business.&quot;
** About pregnancy (2004)

* The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right.
** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/]

* In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat.  It just seems that the [[economy]] does better under the [[Democrats]] than the [[Republicans]]. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad [[disaster]] under the Republicans.
** Said in an interview with CNN's [[Wolf Blitzer]], as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat'
| journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }}

===2005===
* I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, &quot;Is everyone OK?&quot;, you know they're standing there with no clothes, &quot;Is everybody OK?&quot;, and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.'''
** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html &quot;Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016)

===2006===
* It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said '''if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her'''.
** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}} originally reported in [https://www.today.com/popculture/trump-jokes-he-d-date-daughter-wbna11714379 7 March 2006 article on Today via AP]

* I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me.
** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''.

*She’s actually always been '''very voluptuous'''. She’s tall, she’s almost six feet tall and she’s been, she’s an amazing beauty.
**October 2006 interview with [[Howard Stern]] about [[Ivanka Trump]] reported [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern 2016 by CNN]

* '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism?
* '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. 
** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}}

* No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds,
** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with.

===2007===
* Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&amp;pg=PA1&amp;lpg=PA1&amp;dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=ko6GrZPr-e&amp;sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1

* Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre.
** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2

* [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a [[w:Iraqi Civil War|civil war]]. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.
** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], &quot;[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]&quot;, ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015).

* {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food.
** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007)

* My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try.
** Claimed in December 2007, quoted in [https://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm &quot;Trump: I'm worth whatever I feel&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 21, 2011)

* Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours!
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&amp;IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin]

===2008===
* They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties.
** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008)

* Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from &quot;Trumped!&quot;, a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]].
** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html &quot;Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'&quot; Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008)

===2009===
* If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning.
** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17

* Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]]
** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60

*let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know
**2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit]

===2010===
*Well, I think I was born with a drive for success. I had a father who was successful. He was a builder in Brooklyn and Koreans. And he was successful. And, you know, I have a certain gene. I'm a gene believer. Hey, when you connect two race horses, you usually end up with a fast horse. And I really was -- you know, I had a -- a good gene pool from the standpoint of that.
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20200924215510/https://us.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1002/10/ctw.01.html CNN interview] (February 2010)

===2011===
* Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]].
** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}}

* They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]].
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, &quot;I remember when he was born 50 years ago.&quot; I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country.
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics.
**{{citation
|title=Today
|date=2011-04-07
|publisher=NBC
|medium=Television}}
** regarding Barack Obama
** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/]

* '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a [[Islam in the United States|Muslim problem]] in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? &lt;br&gt; '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Swedes|Swedish people]] [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. &lt;br&gt;'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? &lt;br&gt; '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]].
** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' &quot;The Brody File&quot; (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript])

* I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge.
** {{citation
|first=Michael
|last=Scherer
|title=In the presence of Donald Trump
|date=2011-04-11
|journal=Time
|url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/
|accessdate=2019-10-28}}

* I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records.
** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25
** {{citation
|first=Lucy
|last=Madison
|title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League?
|date=2011-04-25
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991

* Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.
** press conference, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=TMZ
|url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/
|accessdate=2011-05-01}}
** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning

* The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to [[w:Columbia_University|Columbia]] and then gets to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991

* It's like in [[golf]]. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a [[Traditionalistic|traditionalist]]. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be [[Homosexuality|gay]], but I am a traditionalist.
**{{citation
|title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character
|date=2011-05-01
|journal=New York Times
|first=Michael
|last=Barbaro
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html
|accessdate=2011-05-06}}
** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]]

* I know the [[Chinese people|Chinese]]. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}}

* I dealt with [[Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi]]. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}}

* She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver.
* If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, &quot;Rosie, you're fired.&quot;
** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011)

*[[Barney Frank]] looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful.
* Twitter, quoted by the [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/08/donald-trump-has-called-37-things-disgusting-on-twitter/ Washington Post] (20 December 2011)

* Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate.  He is weak and he is ineffective.  So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran.
** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}}

===2012===
* [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it.
** Quoted in {{citation
    | date = 2012-02-02
    | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/
    | author = Corbett B. Daly 
    | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president
    | periodical = CBS News
}}

* No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, &quot;Please don't give that up.&quot;  A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting.
** {{citation
 | title = Telephone interview
 | publisher = CNBC
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant
 | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}}
 | author = Melissa Jeltsen
 | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html
}}

* '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers.
* '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.&lt;br&gt;Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth.
** {{citation
 | title = The Situation Room
 | publisher = CNN
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate
 | author = Elizabeth Flock
 | newspaper = US News &amp; World Report
 | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate
}}
** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton &amp; Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as &quot;born in Kenya&quot;.[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp]

* He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a [[revolution]] in this country!
* The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!
* More votes equals a loss... revolution!
* This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
* The [[w:United_States_Electoral_College|electoral college]] is a disaster for a democracy.
** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’]

* [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to [[Asian people|Asians]]... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to [[Immigration to the United States|immigration]], with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country.
** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}}

*[climate change was] &quot;created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive&quot;
** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?]
*&quot;It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes.&quot; Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232]

===2013===

* Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI &quot; to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1&quot;] (3 March 2013) &lt;!-- ''YouTube'' --&gt; 

* I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing?
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 &quot;From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea&quot;] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013)

* I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high [[Intelligence quotient|IQ]]) with strong common sense.
** &quot;[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]&quot; (April 21, 2021)

* I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013)

===2014===
*Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - AUTISM. Many such cases!
**Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en 28 March 2014]

* If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa, has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people &amp; resign!
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)]

===2015===
====May 2015====
* There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.'''
** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015)

====June 2015====

=====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential bid announcement]] (June 16, 2015)=====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-announcing-candidacy-for-president-new-york-city &quot;Remarks Announcing Candidacy for President in New York City&quot;], ''{{w|The American Presidency Project}}''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|Sadly, the [[American dream]] is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will [[w:Make America Great Again|make America great again]].]] 

* They all said, a lot of the pundits on television, &quot;Well, Donald will never run, and one of the main reasons is he's private and he's probably not as successful as everybody thinks.&quot; So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success.

* Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories anymore. ... When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. ... When did we beat Japan at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a [[Chevrolet]] in Tokyo? ... When do we beat Mexico at the border? '''They're laughing at us, at our stupidity.''' ... The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems.

* '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.''' They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people. But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. ... They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over South and Latin America, and it's coming probably – probably – from the Middle East. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast.

* I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.

* Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.

====July 2015====
* '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''[[illegal immigrants]]''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal&lt;!--sic--&gt; a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.&lt;br&gt;'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country.
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-01
 | title = The Situation Room
 | medium = TV
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/
}}

[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]]
* '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.'''
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-02
 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy'
 | author = 
 | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com
 | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html
}}

*The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for [[Israel]]. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of &quot;tapping along&quot; and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to [[Make America Great Again]].
**[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015

* And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-15
 | title = Fox News &quot;Hannity&quot;- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ
}}

* '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, &quot;Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up.&quot; Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...&lt;br&gt;'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people.
** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-18
 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured'
 | author = Harriet Alexander
 | newspaper = The Telegraph
 | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html
}}

* Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and [[Scientists|scientist]] and [[Engineering|engineer]], Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a [[Conservatism|conservative]] Republican, if I were a [[Liberalism|liberal]], if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&amp;nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&amp;nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-21
 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina
 | author =
 | newspaper = Slate
 | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html
}}

* If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you.
** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina]
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]&lt;!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--&gt;

* I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas
 | author = 
 | newspaper = BBC
 | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971
}}

* '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...&lt;br&gt;'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished!
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!'
 | author = Oliver Darcy
 | newspaper = TheBlaze
 | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/
}}

* I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-30
 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader
}}

====August 2015====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.]]
* I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]].
** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-06
 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate
 | author = 
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/
}}

* You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015)

* I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-09
 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women
 | author = Gregoy Krieg
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html
}}

* I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.
** ''Face the Nation'', 9 August 2015

*I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well.
**In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me &quot;Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'&quot;] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter

* We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go?
** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15)

* You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, &quot;Oh, here's 14 points.&quot; I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points.
** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-15
 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics
 | author =
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/
}} {{Paywalled source}}

*What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair? A wet raccoon doesn't have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank.
**20 August 2015 roast on Comedy Central [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-roast-364701 transcribed by Newsweek]

* Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.&lt;br&gt;If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-20
 | title = Donald Trump Explains All
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/
}}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html &quot;The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of&quot;] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016).

* You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous.
** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-26
 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself
 | author = David Knowles
 | newspaper = Bloomberg
 | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself
}}

* I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.
** Interview with [[w:Chris Cuomo|Chris Cuomo]]{{citation
| date = 2015-08-11
| title =  Donald Trump: ‘I keep whining and whining until I win’ 
| author = Jeremy Diamond
| newspaper = CNN
| url = https://www.cnn.com/2015/08/11/politics/donald-trump-refutes-third-party-run-report/index.html}}

====September 2015====
* We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-03
 | title = Donald Trump: &quot;While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English&quot;
 | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter
 | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215
}}

* &quot;''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!&quot;
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy
 | newspaper = Rolling Stone
 | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909
}}

* The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that.
** As quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble'
 | author = Colin Campbell
 | newspaper = Business Insider
 | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&amp;IR=T
}}

* This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish.
** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015)

* '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? &lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things.
** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-17
 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim
 | author = Maya Rhodan
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/
}}

* Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so!
* This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something.
** Tweets — quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!'
 | author = Doina Chiacu
 | newspaper = Reuters
 | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920
}}

* You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center.
** On CNN's &quot;State of the Union&quot; with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims
 | author = Timothy Cama
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims
}}

* The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country.
** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-21
 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day
}}

* You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years.
** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation
 | date=2015-09-21
 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere
 | author = Mark Leibovich
 | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine
 | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html
}}

* Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants?
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27
** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&amp;IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03

* I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together.
** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}}

====October 2015====
*All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster
**4 October 2015 interview with [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html New York Times]

* I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart.
** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}}

* He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him.
** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation
| date=2015-10-28
|title= CNBC Republican debate transcript
|newspaper = CNBC
|url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html
}} 

====November 2015====
* '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a great plan . It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I hate this message.&lt;br&gt;'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.
** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015)

* Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques.
** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html &quot;Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques&quot;] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network.

* I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management.
** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees &quot;Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'&quot;] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''.

* Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters.
** Quoted by {{citation
| date=2015-11-20
|title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter
|newspaper = The Hill
| author = Bradford Richardson
|url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter
}} 

* Get him the hell out of here.
** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ &quot;Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally&quot;] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc.

*I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.&lt;br&gt;It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in [[New Jersey]] that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good.
**21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article]

* Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.'
** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&amp;t=15 &quot;Trump mocks reporter with disability&quot;] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html &quot;Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter&quot;] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]]

=====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (November 2015)=====
:published 3 November 2015

* The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing.
** Preface, p. xiv

* The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct.
** p. 8

* I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage.
** p. 10

* I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written.
** p. 12

* Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority.
** p. 30

* Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away.
** p. 28

* I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line.
** p. 30

* Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again.
** p. 34

* When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us.
** p. 34

* We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective.
** p. 35

* To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens.
** p. 73

* I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try.
** p. 80

* It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas.
** p. 85

* A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well.
** p. 96

* We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me.
** p. 97

====December 2015====
* My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got [[Turkey]], who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before.
** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families.
** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation?  You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House?  Why these vacations? 
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally

* Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing &quot;25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad&quot; and 51% of those polled, &quot;agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]].&quot; Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women.
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (December 7, 2015) archived [https://archive.ph/TK7qR here]

* We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.'''
** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern.

* We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant.
** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html &quot;Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'&quot;] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html &quot;'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas&quot;] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015)

* These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety.
** Interview on ABC's &quot;Life with Kelly and Michael&quot;, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion &quot;Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'&quot;] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015)

* We're doing really well with the [[Evangelicalism in the United States|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]] -- but not a lot of [[Evangelicalism|evangelicals]] come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.&lt;br&gt;I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.&lt;br&gt;Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.&lt;br&gt;I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him.
**11 December 2015 during a rally in Iowa, according to [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/ Washington Post article] by Jenna Johnson, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/ CBS News article] by Kylie Atwood, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20151213223442/http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/ Reuters article] by Emily Stephenson

* We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice.
**27 December 2015 on ''60 Minutes''

* I know words. I have the best words.
**30 December 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina] reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller]

* I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in [[New York City|New York city]], and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, &quot;Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up&quot;, right, I want to use hairspray, but they say &quot;Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone&quot;, so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray!
**30 December 2015 [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC]

===2016===
====January 2016====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.&lt;br&gt;
We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]]
* The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.&lt;br&gt;She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.&lt;br&gt;Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.&lt;br&gt;There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.&lt;br&gt;She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.&lt;br&gt;I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now.
** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 &quot;Trump: Clinton has ruined the world&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016)

* They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision.
** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking.
** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox &amp; Friends|Fox &amp; Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors.
** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ &quot;El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!&quot;], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016).

* I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on [[Earth]] could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy.
** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016)

* [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody.
* It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two.
** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying &quot;two Corinthians&quot; instead of &quot;Second Corinthians&quot; during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016)

* Ted Cruz lies.  He's a liar.  And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him.  That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody.  He looks like a jerk.  He's standing all by himself.  And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things.  You can't be a lone wolf and stand there.  That's sort of what we have right now as a president.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016)

* But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. 
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, &quot;who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?&quot; to both of us, and we should both say, &quot;we will work it out.&quot; It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, &quot;we will not pay&quot; and me saying, &quot;we will not pay.&quot;
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* Up in [[New Hampshire]] – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. 
** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

=====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well.
* We're going to protect [[Christianity]], and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. &quot;''Where the Spirit of the Lord''&quot;, right, &quot;''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''&quot;, and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and [[Christianity]], it's under siege.
* I'm a [[Protestantism|protestant]]. I'm very proud of it, [[w:Presbyterian|Presbyterian]] to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together.
* This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast.
* When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect.
* The [[Persian people|Persians]], very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table.
* I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK.
* We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS.
* I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.'

=====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)=====

*{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, &quot;Trump we love you too.&quot; Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, &quot;Will you say absolutely?&quot; I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. &quot;Will you most likely stay?&quot; That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like [[Jeb Bush]], he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances.
** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa.

====February 2016====
* To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, &quot;Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.&quot; So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016)

* This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in [[New Hampshire]], that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great.
** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016)

* '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, &quot;you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word.
** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016)

* [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists.
** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016)

* Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel.
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: &quot;Torture works&quot;]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. 

* They were having [[terrorism]] problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem.
** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet.

* Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks.  You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.
** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016)

* We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.'''
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016

* '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous.
** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016)

* If and when the Vatican is attacked by Isis, which as everyone knows is Isis’s ultimate trophy, the pope can have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president because this would not have happened. Isis would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians.
**As quoted in Ben Jacobs, ''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border Donald Trump calls Pope Francis 'disgraceful' for questioning his faith]'', ''The Guardian'' (February 18, 2016)

====March 2016====
* '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.&lt;br&gt;'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist.
** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 &quot;Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016)

* '''Bret Baier''': So what would you do as commander in chief if the U.S. military refused to carry out those orders?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': They won't refuse. They're not going to refuse me, believe me.&lt;br&gt;'''Baier''': But they're illegal.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Let me just tell you, you look at the Middle East, they're chopping off heads. And now we're talking about waterboarding. We should go for waterboarding, and we should go tougher than waterboarding….&lt;br&gt;And I'm a leader. I'm a leader. I've always been a leader. I've never had any problem leading people. If I say do it, they're going to do it. That's what leadership is all about.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2016/03/04/469149226/trump-attacked-from-all-sides-in-bitter-chaotic-gop-debate Trump Attacked From All Sides In Bitter, Chaotic Debate] ''NPR'' (March 4, 2016)

* Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}}

* '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who.
** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 &quot;US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'&quot;] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016)

* Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.
** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html &quot;‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies&quot;], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C.

* I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all.  There's no time for vacations.  We're not going to be big on vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally

*Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.&lt;br&gt;Thank you. Thank you.&lt;br&gt;Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words &quot;'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''.&quot; You can forget that.&lt;br&gt;What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew?
**[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee)

* '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it.
** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS]

* If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around.
** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016)

* Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created.
**&lt;small&gt;''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)&lt;/small&gt;

====April 2016====
* I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell.
** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016)

*''REPORTER: Mr Trump, please be specific and tell us your views on LGBT, how you plan to be inclusive as president. Speak about North Carolina bathroom law in particular.'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: ''[...]'' One of the best answers I heard was from a commentator yesterday saying &quot;leave it the way it is right now.&quot; There have been no-- very few problems. Leave it the way it is. North Carolina, what they're going through, with all of the business that's leaving and all of the strife and... and that's on both sides. You leave it the way it is. There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate. There has been so little trouble and the problem with what happened in North Carolina is the strife and the economic- I mean economic punishment that they're taking.  
*''REPORTER: If [[w:Caitlyn Jenner|Caitlyn Jenner]] were to walk into [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]], and want to use the bathroom, you would be fine with her using any bathroom she chooses?'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: That is correct.
*''On policies on bathroom use for transgender individuals:'' &lt;Br&gt;You know, there's a big move to create new bathrooms. Problem with that, is — for transgender — that would be a, first of all I think that would be discriminatory in a certain way. It would be unbelievably expensive for businesses and for the country. Leave it the way it is.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO6MLHLIfdc Donald Trump Town Hall: Abortion Exceptions, Immigration, Raising Taxes (Full) | TODAY] April 21, 2016

* I love working.  I'm not a vacation guy.  Right?  Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii.  He flies in a 747. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally

* If you love what you do, you're happy.  You don't take vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally

=====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)=====
[[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* It's time to shake the rust off [[Foreign policy of the United States|America's foreign policy]].

* My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. [[America First (policy)|America First]] will be the major and overriding theme of my administration.

* Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy.

* [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] has weakened [[United States Armed Forces|our military]] by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive [[National debt|debt]], low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders.

* Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice.

* Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power.

* We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job.

* We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even [[genocide]]. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action.

* Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation.

* We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation.

* I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible.

* Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the [[Working class in the United States|American worker]] will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs.

====May 2016====
* We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say &quot;Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem.&quot; '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.'''
**[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump &quot;China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump&quot;] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016)

* You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care.
** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 &quot;Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won&quot;] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016)

====June 2016====
* It's going to be like this. I'm not changing.
** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}}

* '''He's a [[Mexicans|Mexican]]'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico.
** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}}

* I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable.
** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}}

* Belgium is a beautiful city.
* Belgium is not the Belgium that you and I knew, Matt, from 20 years ago, which was one of the most beautiful cities and one of the safest cities in the world. Belgium is a horror show right now.
** [https://www.thebulletin.be/belgium-beautiful-city-according-donald-trump &quot;Belgium is a “beautiful city”, according to Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Bulletin'' (June 16, 2016)

* Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax.
* &lt;p&gt;'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' [[Janet Yellen]], who you know, the chairman of the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]] blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.&lt;/p&gt;
** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}}

* Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it.&quot;
** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}}

====July 2016====
* [[Saddam Hussein]] was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. [...] Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay? So sad.
** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/05/donald-trump-praises-saddam-hussein-for-killing-terrorists-so-good/ &quot;Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists ‘so good’&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (July 5, 2016).
** [[w:Jake Sullivan|Jake Sullivan]], then a policy advisor to Hillary Clinton, stated: &quot;Hussein's regime was a sponsor of terrorism — one that paid families of suicide bombers who attacked Israelis, among other crimes.&quot;

* I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution.
** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill &quot;Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting&quot;] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016).

* ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016)

* Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.
** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, &quot;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016).

* Though [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie]] is exhausted and has given up on his [[revolution]], many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the [[2011 Libyan civil war|invasion of Libya]], [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and [[w:Trans-Pacific Partnership|TPP]], and of course because she is totally bought and sold by [[Special-interest group|special interests]]. She and [[Bill Clinton|her husband]] have been paid millions and millions by [[Multinational corporation|global corporations]] and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest [[Federal government of the United States|government]] and to fix [[Politics of the United States|our rigged system]] so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth.
** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016)

* The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened.
** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, &quot;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]&quot;, ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016).

* A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael.
** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up [[Computers|computer]] literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘[[w:Barron Trump|Barron]], how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart?
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor.
** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again.
* Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media.
* Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from &quot;bad judgement.&quot; She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief.
** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016)

====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)=====
[[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. &lt;br /&gt; Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript &quot;Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC&quot;, ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 &quot;Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech&quot;, ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* The attacks on our [[Law enforcement in the United States|police]], and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country.

* Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. &lt;br /&gt; I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. &lt;br /&gt; The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead.

* It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. &lt;br /&gt; So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. &lt;br /&gt; But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. 

* Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement.
* America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness.
* The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes.
* There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]]
* Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect.
* Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now.
* Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE.
* I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens.
* When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way.
* When a [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before.
* I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. &lt;br /&gt; I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance.
* [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job.
* An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country.
* In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally.
** &quot;I am the law-and-order candidate&quot; was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]].
* Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning.
* I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology.
* We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel.
* We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place.
* I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be.
* Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people.
* Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border.
* We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities.
* We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens.
* I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries.
* No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats.
* My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew.
* America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics.
* All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place.
* My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, &quot;I'm with her.&quot; I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, &quot;I'm with you – the American people.&quot; I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you!

====August 2016====
[[File:Classified documents at Mar-a-Lago bathroom.jpg|thumb|In my administration, I'm going to enforce all [[laws]] concerning the [[protection]] of classified information. No one will be above the law.]]

* He’s not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not going to go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want.
** Claimed about the Russian president Vladimir Putin after Putin had invaded Crimea, Ukraine and while fighting a war in Donbass, Ukraine, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/31/politics/donald-trump-russia-ukraine-crimea-putin/index.html &quot;Trump says Putin is ‘not going to go into Ukraine,’ despite Crimea&quot;], ''CNN'' (August 1, 2016)

* Don't worry about that baby. I love babies.  I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...]  Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here.  That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK.
** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) 

* He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster.
** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}}

* [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.
** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016  |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}).
* In my administration, I'm going to enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law.
** Statement in a [https://www.c-span.org/video/?414134-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-charlotte-north-carolina campaign rally in Charlotte, North Carolina (18 August 2016)], as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-classified-above-law/ &quot;Yes, Trump Said 'No One Will Be Above the Law' Regarding Protection of Classified Information&quot; (9 June 2023)]

* [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]].
** During a Florida rally at the BB&amp;T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 &quot;Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'&quot;] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016)

* I will always tell you the truth.
** [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/8/19/1561877/-Trump-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth-up-to-30-percent-of-the-time &quot;Trump: “I will always tell you the truth” up to 30 percent of the time&quot;], ''Daily Kos'' (August 19, 2024)

* No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, &quot;enough?&quot; It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016)

* I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016)

* Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, &quot;you know, know he meant it!&quot; And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall.
** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016)

* It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ &quot;Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president&quot;] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''.

* The fundamental problem with the immigration system in our country is that it serves the needs of wealthy donors, political activists and powerful politicians. Let me tell you who it doesn’t serve: it doesn’t serve you, the American people.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?&lt;br&gt;Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money.
**??? when informed he was required to fund a transition. [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team 27 September 2018 article in The Guardian by Michael Lewis ]

=====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American.
* Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power.
* Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit
* Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the [[United States Department of State|State Department]] begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people.
* The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens.
* I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation.
* It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy.
* I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government.

====September 2016====
* We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word &quot;confidential&quot; or &quot;classified&quot;.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016)

* For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans?
** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}}

* While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016).

*OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…&lt;br&gt;Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. 
**[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon]

* Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again.
** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}}
** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/].

* People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people.
** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}}

* On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:&lt;br&gt;&quot;We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see.&quot;
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News  (30 September 2016)

=====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs.

* Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing.

* But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement.

* The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor.

* '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, &quot;Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money.&quot; Well, it did collapse.
: '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way.

* We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of [[energy]], but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact.

* We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it.

* NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA.

* You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story.

* She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General [[Douglas MacArthur]] would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

* I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand.

* We have the worst revival of an economy since the [[Great Depression]]. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the [[stock market]], but if you raise [[interest]] rates even a little bit, that's going to come [[Stock market crash|crashing down]].'''

* I will release them as soon as the [[Auditor|audit]]. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the [[IRS]]. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release.
** About releasing his tax returns.

* That makes me smart.
** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]].

* That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful.
** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}}

* As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that.

* I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money.

* Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me.
** About not having paid to some of his employees.

* We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country.

* We have a situation where we have our inner cities, [[African American|African- Americans]], [[w:Hispanic American|Hispanics]] are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot.

* Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[Rudy Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant.

* Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated.

* '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men.
: '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed.
: '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling.
: '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them.

* You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good.

* So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't.

* We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

* We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare.

* President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed.

* I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters.

* You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going.

* I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so.

* I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media.

* The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks.

====October 2016====
* I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&amp;tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016)

* So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016)

* '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?&lt;br&gt;'''Toddler''': Trump.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ &quot;Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally&quot;] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016).

* Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors.
* Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016)

* She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed.
* Reporters at [[The New York Times]] are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for [[Carlos Slim Helú|Carlos Slim]] and Hillary Clinton.
* Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016)

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. 
** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016)

* No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, &quot;Uh, take me down.&quot; She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016)

* Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton]
** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''.

* I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''.
** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}}

* These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting; it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team — good team. I know Hillary met my campaign manager, and I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are — the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC — there's the New York Times, right over there, and the Washington Post. They're working overtime. True. True. Oh, this one’s going to get me in trouble.
** Al Smith charity dinner speech, 20 October 2016

*Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate commission.
**Al Smith charity dinner speech, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-37724391 20 October 2016]

* I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation.  We have a president who doesn't fight.  He goes out and plays golf all the time.   
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally

*She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&amp;t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]]

* And I have to give the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016)

=====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have [[Sexual assault|sexually assaulted]] women. Do you understand that?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk.

* I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do.

* ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor.

* '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail.

* '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say.

* '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about [[Abraham Lincoln]] after having seen [[Lincoln (2012 film)|the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie]] ...&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference.

* I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia.

* '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. 

* ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world.

====November 2016====
* I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} 

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016)
*** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016)

* No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016)

* I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person.
** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016)

=====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me.
* I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the [[w:United States Electoral College|Electoral College]]. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now.
* What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together.
* I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time.
** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton.
* Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction.
* '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.'''
* Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind.
* We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know.
* As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest.
* I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country.
* It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country.
* In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing.
* I've known [[Steve Bannon]] a long time. If I thought he was a [[Racism in the United States|racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else.
* To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten.
* I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ...  I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that.
* [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel.

====December 2016====
* There is no global anthem, no global [[currency]], no certificate of global [[citizenship]], we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the [[Flag of the United States|American Flag]]!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (1 December 2016)

* Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp.
** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016)

* We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time.
** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}}

===2017===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|First presidency of Donald Trump}}
* '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its [[Espionage|intelligence]] agencies?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, &quot;Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras.&quot; I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, &quot;I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television.&quot; I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, &quot;Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place.&quot;&lt;br&gt;And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017)

* People don't realize, you know, the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], if you think about it, why?
** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017)

===2019===
* ''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?&lt;br /&gt;''Trump:'' The buck stops with everybody.
**[https://theweek.com/speedreads/816895/president-trump-buck-stops-everybody January 10, 2019]

* I just feel like a young man.  I’m so young.  I can’t believe it.  I’m the youngest person.  I am a young, vibrant man. I look at Joe — I don’t know about him.  I don’t know. I would never say anyone is too old, but I know they’re all making me look very young, both in terms of age and I think in terms of energy.  I think you people know that better than anybody.
**[https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-40/ April 26, 2019]

*The Jews always flip.
**attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019]

* Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.
** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter]

*The kidney has a very special place in the heart.
**[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019]

===2020===
====January 2020====
* &lt;!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk?  --&gt;&lt;!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=4s):--&gt; Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit.  I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way.  I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]].  I've said I've never seen that before. &lt;!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=19s):--&gt; And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius.  We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things.  And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important.  But he's done a very good job. &lt;!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=41s):--&gt; Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast.  You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things.  He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States.  He has to.  Because we help him, so he has to help us.
** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined
** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}}

====February 2020====
* There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum.
** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}}

* Can we get like ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone with the Wind]]'' back, please? ''[[Sunset Boulevard]]'', so many great movies.  
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms]
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020

====March 2020====
:See also:
::'''''[[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States]]'''''

* I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have.
** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

====April 2020====
* It's called &quot;[[social media]].&quot; It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on [[Facebook]].  Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. [[Iran]] has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in [[Iraq]]. And so, you know, that's the way it is.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}.
** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was &quot;number one on Facebook&quot;, claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}''

====May 2020====
*I have not touched my face in a week.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-face-touching-video-proof_n_5e601ac1c5b6985ec91abce1]

====August 2020====
* I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time,
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}}

* I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis.  He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe.
** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} 

* Yeah, I wish her well.
* But I wish her well.
* I do wish her well.
** Said about [[Ghislaine Maxwell]], quoted in [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/04/trump-well-wishes-ghislaine-maxwell-391274 &quot;Trump doubles down on well-wishes for alleged sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell&quot;] ''Politico'' (August 4, 2020)

* So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} 

* Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!)
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture'
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} 

* I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate
** Said about the [[QAnon]] group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}}

* If Jesus came down and was the vote counter, I would win California.
** [https://www.foxla.com/news/trump-tells-dr-phil-he-would-have-won-california-2020-jesus-was-counting-votes &quot;Trump tells Dr. Phil he would have won California in 2020 if Jesus 'was the vote counter'&quot;] ''Fox 11 Los Angeles'' (August 30, 2024)

====September 2020====
* CNN reported that I had a heart attack.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}}

* I don't think [[science]] knows, actually.
* It'll start getting cooler. You just watch.
** Trump described his stance on [[Scientific consensus on climate change|climate science]] and [[global warming]], as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} 

* Critical race theory, the 1619 Project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that, if not removed, will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together. It will destroy our country.
** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020)

*She just died? Wow. I didn't know that. You are telling me now for the first time. She led an amazing life. What else can you say? Whether you agreed or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I am actually sad to hear that.
**[https://deadline.com/2020/09/donald-trump-ruth-bader-ginsburg-1234579988/ On the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg] (18 September 2020)

* Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes.  But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. 
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press.  They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish [[capitalism]] and abolish school choice.  
** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} 

* Totally fake news
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump

* [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting  money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS &amp; HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!!
** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020

====October 2020====
* I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}}

* I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience.  I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}}

* They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you.
** Trump referred back to when [[Joe Biden]] was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally
 | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}}

* That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet.  I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves.
** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}}

* Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- &lt;b&gt;women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.&lt;/b&gt;
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}}

===2021===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency &lt;/div&gt;
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====February 2021====
* The [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]] can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. [[Mitch McConnell]] at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and [[Chuck Schumer]] play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last.
* It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will.
* Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country.
** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021]

====March 2021====
* Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me?
* Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us.
* We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ...
* But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time.
* This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it.
* And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day.
* And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder?
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself.
* He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group.
* He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda.
* If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow.
* 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove
 | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt |  title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}}

* No more money for RINOS.  They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. 
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner |  title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works.
** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}}

* &lt;i&gt; About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:&lt;/i&gt; It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships.  A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi |  title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.  We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.
** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin |  title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}}

* Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about [[Anthony Fauci|Dr. Fauci]] and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned.  They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk
* Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice.
* I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din |  title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}}
* Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels |  title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe
 | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}}

====April 2021====
* Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly |  title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies'
 | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}}

* I'll give you a little breaking news, [[w:Pfizer|Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[w:Johnson &amp; Johnson|Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity]

* Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&amp;IR=T &quot;Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'&quot;], Business Insider, 19 April 2021

====May 2021====
*If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021]

*The entire Database of [[Maricopa County]] in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021]

====June 2021====
*Congratulations to the country of [[Nigeria]], who just banned [[Twitter]] because they banned [[Muhammadu Buhari|their President]]. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. [[Mark Zuckerberg|Zuckerberg]] kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. 
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6]

*They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group.
** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/]

====July 2021====
*The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against [[Big Tech]] and other forces that seek to destroy it.
**7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook]
*Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. 
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com]

====August 2021====
*There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco.  
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021]

*If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021]

* If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze.
* Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has.
* They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job!
** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 &quot;‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze&quot;], The Guardian, 5 August 2021

* I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 &quot;Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote&quot;], Newsweek, 10 August 2021

* I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html &quot;Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated&quot;], CNBC, 22 August 2021

====September 2021====
* If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York!
* I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do.
* We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue.
**[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11]

* We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html &quot;Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years&quot;], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021

* [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go!
** &quot;[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]&quot; (September 17, 2021)

* Everybody will be watching [[Arizona]] tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election!
** &quot;[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]&quot; (September 23, 2021)

====October 2021====
* Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 &quot;Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him&quot;], Newsweek, 2 October 2021

* the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results
** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]&quot; (October 6, 2021)
* [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country. 
* The [[American]] people are with you!
** In an emailed statement &quot;[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]&quot; (October 7,2021)

*  If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do.
** According to an MSNBC article and a short video &quot;[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]&quot; (October 13, 2021)

* It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive.  You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years.
* I’m not into golden showers.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html &quot;Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech&quot;], Yahoo News (October 16 2021)

*I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit. And some fruit is a lot worse than — tomatoes are bad by the way. 
**[https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21748396-trumpdepositionexcerptsefraingalicia42622/ Deposition], October 18, 2021

* After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president
** &quot;[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]&quot; (October 18, 2021)

* Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace!
** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}}

*We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced
**&quot;[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]&quot; (October 20, 2021)

*[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore.
**29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial

====November 2021====
*RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves
**on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021)

====December 2021==== 
*He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him,
**10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel]
* I thought the [[Palestinians]] were impossible, and the [[Israelis]] would do anything to make peace and a deal. I found that not to be true.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Trump: I thought Israelis would do anything for peace, but found that not to be true], ''Times of Israel'' (11 December 2021)
*Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal.
**11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel]

*There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.&lt;br&gt;I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.&lt;br&gt;It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.&lt;br&gt;And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.&lt;br&gt;The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.&lt;br&gt;I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family.
**17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair]

*I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop.
**[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021]

* &lt;i&gt; About developing vaccines against Covid-19: &lt;/i&gt;  Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html &quot;Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster&quot;], CNN, 21 December 2021

* I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines.
** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying &quot;Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'&quot;], The Hill, 23 December 2021

===2022===
====January 2022====
* If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine.
** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, &quot;[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']&quot;, [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022)

*I ran twice and we won twice.&lt;br&gt;This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back.
**15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic]

*If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.&lt;br&gt;And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly.
**30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP]

*Actually, what they are saying, is that [[Mike Pence]] did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!'''
**31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

====February 2022====
*I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out.
**4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer

* I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of [[Ukraine]], Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful.  So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force.  We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well.
** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis &amp; Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html &quot;Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war&quot;], CNN, 23 February 2022.

* They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of [[Sanction|sanctions]]. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html &quot;Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin&quot;], CNN, 24 February 2022

====March 2022====
*They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ]
* The vote counter is often more important than the candidate.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html &quot;Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'&quot;], yahoo news, 6 March 2022
*Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day!
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22]
*She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me.
**[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti]
*I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word. They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with]
*Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change]
*The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America.
**[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ]
====April 2022====
*Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well!
**[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!]
*He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it?
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite]

* I think I’m the most honest human being perhaps that god ever created.
** Claimed at an an event in Selma, North Carolina, on April 10, 2022, referred to in [https://www.thelist.com/829709/donald-trump-just-described-himself-in-a-very-unexpected-way/ &quot;Donald Trump Just Described Himself In A Very Unexpected Way&quot;], ''The List'' (April 12, 2022)

* But when I didn’t win the election ..
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene &amp; Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy &amp; Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video)

* Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator?  Perhaps a dictator would be better.  I don't want to be a dumb person.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&amp;IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022
April 2022

====May 2022====
*With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] 

* I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices.
:I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location.
:Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a [[w:Samsung|Samsung]] mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.”
:[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts.
:* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST)

*[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way
** [[Trump]]  according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14)

=====NRA convention speech (May 27, 2022)=====
* The existence of evil in our world is not a reason to disarm law-abiding citizens. The existence of evil is one of the very best reasons to arm law-abiding citizens.
* Every time a disturbed or demented person commits a hideous crime there is always a grotesque effort by some in our society to advance their own extreme political agenda.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/28/school-shooting-strengthens-case-for-guns-donald-trump-tells-nra &quot;School shooting strengthens case for guns, Donald Trump tells NRA&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2022)

* We need a top-to-bottom security overhaul of schools [...] Every building should have a single entry point. No one should ever be able to get near a classroom until they have been checked, scanned and screened ... Above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have an armed police officer or an armed resources officer on duty at all times. [...] Clearly, we need to make it far easier to confine the violent and mentally deranged into mental institutions.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/after-horror-failure-of-uvalde-massacre-business-as-usual-at-nra-meeting-in-houston-20220528-p5ap7y.html &quot;After horror, failure of Uvalde massacre, business as usual at NRA meeting in Houston&quot;] ''The Sydney Morning Herald'' (May 28, 2022)

==== July 2022 ====
* Warmongering and despicable human being [[Liz Cheney]], who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history,
** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ &quot;Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president&quot;], New York Post, 4 July 2022

* Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it.
** Claimed about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]].  Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ &quot;Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally&quot;], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022)
 
* I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win.
* In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision.
* I made America great again, and I may have to do it again.
** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html &quot;Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce&quot;], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022

==== September 2022 ====
* J.D. is kissing my ass he wants my support so bad.
** Said about [[J.D. Vance]], Republican Senate candidate for Ohio, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/09/19/politics/donald-trump-jd-vance-ohio-rally/index.html &quot;Donald Trump humiliated J.D. Vance for fun&quot;], CNN, 20 September 2022

* If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it, because you're sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you're sending it. And there doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but it doesn't have to be.
** [https://www.baynews9.com/fl/tampa/politics/2022/09/22/trump--presidents-can-declassify-files-by--thinking-about-it- &quot;Trump: Presidents can declassify files by 'thinking about it'&quot;], Bay News 9, 22 September 2022

==== October 2022 ====
* They actually taunted him, if you really look at it. Our country, and our so-called leadership, taunted Putin. I said, you know, they're almost forcing him to go in with what they're saying. The rhetoric was so dumb.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-blames-us-almost-forcing-putin-invade-ukraine-1750145/ Trump Blames U.S. for 'Almost Forcing' Putin to Invade Ukraine], Newsweek, 8 October 2022

==== November 2022 ====
* We're winning big, big, big in the [[Republican Party]] for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before
:There it is, Trump at 71 [percent]. [[Ron DeSanctimonious]] at 10 percent. [[Mike Pence]] at 7 — oh, Mike Pence doing better than I thought​.
:* [https://nypost.com/2022/11/06/trump-mocks-desantis-as-ron-desanctimonious/ Pompeo jumps to defend DeSantis after Trump's 'Ron DeSanctimonious' comments] (By Mark Moore November 6, 2022 1:41pm  Updated)

*The Absentee Ballot situation in Detroit is REALLY BAD.&lt;br&gt;People are showing up to Vote only to be told 'sorry, you have already voted.'&lt;br&gt;This is happening in large numbers, elsewhere as well.&lt;br&gt;Protest, Protest, Protest!
**8 November 2022 [https://truthsocial.com/embed/109309832870332871 post on TruthSocia] later [https://twitter.com/JocelynBenson/status/1590079320302968832 quoted via screenshot in tweet] by [[Jocelyn Benson]] which was [https://www.yahoo.com/now/trump-amplifies-nonsense-claims-voter-212425641.html quoted by Yahoo News]

* Well, I think if they win, I should get all the credit. And if they lose, I should not be blamed at all, OK, but it’ll probably be just the opposite.
:* [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/09/us/politics/trump-endorsements-midterms-gop.html Trump Hoped for a Celebration but Did Not Have Much to Cheer] (By By Michael C. Bender and Maggie Haberman November 9, 2022, 2:33 a.m. ET)

* [[Ron DeSantis|Ron DeSanctimonious]] is playing games! The Fake News asks him if he's going to run if President Trump runs, and he says, 'I'm only focused on the Governor's race, I'm not looking into the future.' Well, in terms of loyalty and class, that's really not the right answer.
** Adam Carlson, Jay O'Brien, and Katherine Faulders, [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-takes-aim-ron-desantis-suggesting-2024-rival/story?id=93084111 Trump takes aim at Ron DeSantis, suggesting he's a 2024 rival], ''ABC News'' (November 10, 2022).

*He shows up with 3 people, two of which I didn’t know, the other a political person who I haven’t seen in years,” the former president wrote on Truth Social. “Fake News went CRAZY!”
**29 November 2022 on Truth Social (per [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-kanye-west-nick-fuentes-mar-a-lago-dinner-1234638552/ this article] by Charisma Madarang of Rolling Stone) after [[Kanye West]] showed up for dinner with Boeing employee Jamal and [[Nick Fuentes]] (the two unknowns) and [[Karen Giorno]] (an aide from Trump's 2016 campaign) in a meeting arranged by [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] (who did not attend) via Karen

====December 2022====
* People have been treated unconstitutionally in my opinion and very, very unfairly, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.
** Comments made concerning rioters involved in the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] during a fund raising speech cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/02/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-support/index.html &quot;Trump expresses support for Capitol rioters as he continues to embrace extremist groups&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 2, 2022)

* Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.
** cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/03/politics/trump-constitution-truth-social/index.html &quot;Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution in Truth Social post&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 4, 2022)

===2023===
====January 2023====
*So an out-of-control wild man kills beautiful Ashli Babbitt, a true Patriot, who was the only one killed on January 6th.&lt;br&gt;Her mother goes to protest her death and memory, and they arrest her mother.&lt;br&gt;Something has to be done about these [[Communism|Communists]] and [[Marxism|Marxists]] that are taking over and destroying our Country.&lt;br&gt;Pray for Ashli, and her wonderful, brave mother!
**8 January 2023 [https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump/posts/109655572118634418 gab]

*The [[left-wing]] [[gender]] [[insanity]] being pushed on our children is an act of child abuse—very simple.
**31 January 2023 [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-attacks-transgender-rights-video-1234671967/  per Rolling Stone]

====February 2023====
* Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history—This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’
** [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social &quot;Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'&quot;], Vanity Fair, 13 February 2023

====March 2023====
=====CPAC keynote speech (March 4, 2023)=====
&lt;small&gt;CPAC keynote address in National Harbor, Maryland, on March 4, 2023, reported in {{cite web|url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-key-moments-donald-trump-cpac-speech-1785586 |title=Five Key Moments from Donald Trump's Crucial CPAC Speech|first1=Khaleda|last1=Rahman|publisher=Newsweek|date=March 5, 2023}}&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent, and very easily, World War III.

* We are never going back to a party that wants to give unlimited money to fight foreign endless wars but demands we cut veteran benefits and retirement benefits at home.

* We’re not going back to people that want to destroy our great Social Security system – even some in our own party; I wonder who that might be – who want to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 70, 75 or even 80 in some cases, and who are out to cut Medicare to a level that will be unrecognizable

* In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution.

* I will totally obliterate the deep state. I will fire the unelected bureaucrats and shadow forces who have weaponized our justice system like it has never been weaponized before. And I will put the people back in charge of this country again.

*This is the final battle – they know it, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Either they win, or we win. And I promise you this: If you put me back in the White House, their reign will be over, and America will be a free nation once again.

*'''Before I even arrive''' at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled.&lt;br&gt;I will get the problem solved.&lt;br&gt;And I will get it solved in rapid order and ''''it will take me no longer than one day''', I know exactly what to say to each of them, I got along very well with Putin.
**the [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/04/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html March 4th] speech was referenced when this was quoted [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/07/politics/trump-desantis-ukraine-2024-campaign/index.html March 7th] by Stephen Collinson in a CNN analysis
***Trump later reuses the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#June 2024]] in Philadelphia

====April 2023====
*Republicans in Congress should defund the DOJ and FBI until they come to their senses. The Democrats have totally weaponized law enforcement in our country and are viciously using this abuse of power to interfere with our already under siege elections!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/donald-trump-calls-defunding-federal-police-arrest-new-york-rcna78301 Donald Trump calls for defunding federal police after his arrest in New York] ''Truth Social'' (April 5, 2023)

=====NRA convention speech (April 14, 2023)=====
* Our country has been chock full of guns for centuries, and there was no talk of [[w:School shooting|massacres of schoolchildren]] until around the year 2000. That's what it really started. They started talking about it. '''This is not a gun problem.''' This is a mental health problem. This is a social problem. This is a cultural problem. This is a spiritual problem.
* I will ask Congress to repeal totally ineffective legislation that makes it harder to protect our schools and easier for criminals to face absolutely no opposition when they go in. I will also create a new tax credit to reimburse any teacher for the full costs of a concealed carry firearm and training from highly qualified experts. Who's better? Who's better? '''If even 5% of teachers, people that are skilled with arms, we want that. 5% were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active shooters. We would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist.'''
** From a [[National Rifle Association|NRA]] convention speech in Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=97388003ab4443938dba616244ea0117 &quot;Trump calls for arming teachers at NRA convention&quot;] ''AP Newsroom'' (April 15, 2023)

* [T]he only way to stop these wicked actions is to '''ensure that any sicko who would shoot up a school knows that within seconds, not minutes, they will face certain death.'''
** Speech at the NRA convention, Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/04/14/trump-pence-nra-2024/ &quot;Trump, in legal peril, draws cheers at NRA convention; Pence draws boos&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (April 14, 2023)

====May 2023====
*They’re dying, Russians and Ukrainians. '''I want them to stop dying.''' And I’ll have that done — '''I’ll have that done in 24 hours'''
**May 2023 at a CNN Town Hall, quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-russia-ukraine-war-un-election-a78ecb843af452b8dda1d52d137ca893 2 July 2024 article by Edith M. Lederer for AP News]

==== June 2023 ====
[[File:&quot;TOP SECRET SCI&quot; (Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information) cover sheets - from, Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago (cropped).jpg|thumb|I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!]]

* I have been [[Federal prosecution of Donald Trump|summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse]] in [[Miami]] on Tuesday, at 3 PM. I never thought it [[possible]] that such a thing could happen to a former [[President of the United States]], who received far more [[votes]] than any sitting President in the History of our Country, and is currently leading, by far, all Candidates, both [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]], in Polls of the [[2024 United States presidential election|2024 Presidential Election]]. I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!
** Web posting, reported in [https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/06/08/trump-told-to-appear-in-miami-after-indictment-by-federal-grand-jury-abc-reporting/ &quot;Trump told to appear in Miami after indictment by federal grand jury, ABC reporting&quot; in ''WPLG Local 10'' (8 June 2023)]

*'''This is the final battle'''. With you at my side, we will demolish the deep state. expel the warmongers from our government. We will drive out the globalists. We will cast out the Communists, Marxists, and Fascists, and we will throw off the sick political class that hates our country. We will rout the fake news media, and we will defeat crooked Joe Biden. We will liberate America from these villains once and for all. 
**[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/06/trump-lists-all-the-villains-he-plans-to-destroy-in-a-second-term Trump told the audience at the Oakland County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner]

*For three years, Biden and his radical left allies have waged war on American auto workers in his ridiculous crusade to force everyone into electric cars, ridiculous regulations kill more than half of US auto jobs and decimate the suppliers that they decimated already, decimate the suppliers and it’s going to decimate your jobs.
**[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/06/26/donald-trump-accuses-joe-biden-environmental-extremism/ Telegraph] , [https://www.candgnews.com/news/trump-headlines-oakland-county-republican-party-lincoln-day-dinner-2796 Trump headlines Oakland County Republican Party Lincoln Day Dinner]

====July 2023====
*“Is it Crooked Joe and his wonderful son, Hunter? Release the findings, release the tapes. We can’t have a crackhead in charge of our Nuclear Arsenal!!
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-hunter-biden-cocaine-justice-department-b2373556.html]
*… He’s totally compromised...I don’t like doing the same word for two people. We’re using the word crooked for Joe Biden because Joe Biden is the most crooked president in the history.
**[https://www.republicworld.com/world-news/us-news/trump-says-he-was-very-kind-to-biden-then-tells-us-president-gloves-are-off-articleshow.html republicworld]
*We have potential for a war outside of Ukraine - Russia. We should have kept Bagram because Bagram is one of the largest military bases in the world cost us billions of dollars to build forget about Afghanistan, it's one hour away from where China is building their nuclear weapons.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*If China takes Taiwan they will turn the world off potentially.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*Millions of illegal aliens have stormed across our borders. It is an invasion, like a military invasion. Our rights and liberties are being torn to shreds,Your country is being turned into a third-world hellhole, run by censors, perverts, criminals, and thugs.”
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/trump-u-s-is-being-turned-into-a-third-world-hellhole-run-by-perverts-and-thugs criminals and perverts]

*America is tired of being ruled by radical bureaucrats in Washington the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas, the Radical Left Democrats, the Marxists – guys like Paul Ryan and Karl Rove. Their reign will be over, and it will be over quickly, and America will be a free nation once again.
**speech [https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-says-hes-the-only-candidate-that-cant-be-owned-or-controlled/]
* Think of this. We give them everything, including military protection and trade, and now we have to pay them to go there. As President I will not allow this, will end very quickly.
**“U.S. CITIZENS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR A VISA TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE STARTING IN 2024.” [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110776705512999901]
*Gloves are off.Under crooked Joe Biden. I never called him that. I took the name away from Hillary Clinton. We call her beautiful Hillary now.Now it's crooked Joe, because it's a much more appropriate name right now for this man who's just destroying our country.
**rally [https://www.newsmax.com/newsmax-tv/donald-trump-july-4-south-carolina/2023/07/01/id/1125653/]
*As part of my plan to obtain total independence from China, we will phase in tariffs and import restrictions to bring back production of all essential medicines to the United States of America where they belong. I signed an executive order to begin this process in 2020 but Biden has shamefully failed to follow through. He wants it ended. He wants to take care of China.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-promises-to-return-production-of-cancer-drugs-essential-medicines-to-u-s/]

*They don’t go after the people who cheated in the election, they only go after the people who report on, or question the cheating if you don't have strong borders you don't have a country, right now we don't have a country.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781850689911246]

*Trumpism or America first is very simple low taxes and regulations , the most powerful military , tariffs on countries taking advantage, protection of section amendment , great healthcare , low energy prices, parental power on school boards, life , strong borders.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781828901024566]

*I expect nothing from the meeting with my lawyers and the lunatics in the DOJ regarding January 6th. They just want to interfere with the Presidential Election on 2024. It is their new form of cheating, but we will win !!! How can deranged Jack Smith bring a case on January 6th., as ridiculous as it is anyway, when I have already won such a case, and been fully acquitted, in the U.S. Senate? In other words, I was Impeached on this, and won!!! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793264554684917] [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793284091097891]

====August 2023====
*These monsters, all controlled and coordinated by the DOJ and Radical Left Lunatics, are Criminalizing Political Speech, a total SHUTDOWN OF DEMOCRACY!
**Truth Social Post 6:28 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895990420845351]

*CROOKED JOE BIDEN IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY CHINA, UKRAINE, &amp; VARIOUS OTHER COUNTRIES. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM - ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS. HE IS A COMPROMISED PRESIDENT WHO IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL. HE IS A MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE!
**Truth Social Post 6:20 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895877441671196]

*I believe we have a compromised president. He was bribed, and now he’s being blackmailed. He’s a Manchurian Candidate. That’s why Crooked Joe is letting other countries walk all over the United States.
**Truth Social Post on August 15, 2023.[https://links.truthsocial.com/link/110895072887935769]

*IMPOSSIBLE to get a fair trial in Washington, D.C., which is over 95% anti-Trump, &amp; for which I have called for a Federal TAKEOVER in order to bring our Capital back to Greatness. It is now a high crime embarrassment to our Nation and, indeed, the World
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110823476578708544
*I AM NOW GOING TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO BE ARRESTED FOR HAVING CHALLENGED A CORRUPT, RIGGED, &amp; STOLEN ELECTION. IT IS A GREAT HONOR, BECAUSE I AM BEING ARRESTED FOR YOU. Biden and his family steal Millions and Millions of Dollars, including BRIBES from foreign countries, and I’m headed to D.C. to be ARRESTED for protesting a CROOKED ELECTION. UNFAIR VENUE, UNFAIR JUDGE. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826519469646840 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826840688757163
*CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAD TO FLY TO A FILTHY, DIRTY, FALLING APART, &amp; VERY UNSAFE WASHINGTON, D.C., TODAY, &amp; THAT I WAS THEN ARRESTED BY MY POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHO IS LOSING BADLY TO ME IN THE POLLS, CROOKED JOE BIDEN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD DAY!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110828062805817649
*A very sad day for America, and it was also very sad driving through Washington, D.C., and seeing the filth and decay and all of the broken buildings and walls and the graffiti. This is not the place that I left. It’s a very sad thing to see it.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-tells-reporters-if-you-cant-beat-him-you-persecute-him-or-you-prosecute-him/
*They’re trying to make it illegal to question the results of a bad election…But only a party that cheats in elections would try to make it illegal, on Election Day 2024, we’re going to evict Crooked Joe Biden from the White House…We’re going to expel the criminals and thugs from the halls of power in Washington, D.C. 
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-draws-biggest-crowd-ever-to-alabama-gop-dinner/ Alabama]

*We are NOT a free nation, We don’t have a free press. We have a corrupt press.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-the-tables-must-turn-and-we-will-quickly-destroy-the-deep-state/ Alabama]
*OUR HIGHLY PARTISAN, AND VERY CORRUPT,  DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, COULD HAVE BROUGHT THIS BIDIN “OPPONENT” CASE YEARS AGO, BUT CHOSE TO WAIT AND BRING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN. NO WAY!!! I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING AMERICA. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110842856814664717 
*This will be the single biggest and most important election in the history of our country - maybe in the history of the WORLD.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110840001623943794 

*The “shocking and totally unexpected” loss by the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team to Sweden is fully emblematic of what is happening to the our once great Nation under Crooked Joe Biden. Many of our players were openly hostile to America - No other country behaved in such a manner, or even close. WOKE EQUALS FAILURE. Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!!
*https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110845290114601452

*WHAT THE DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE IS DOING TO ME IS THE SAME THING DONE BY THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT IT WILL NOT WORK.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-explains-why-he-should-not-have-a-protective-order-placed-on-him-by-deranged-jack-smith/ 

*Let’s see! My political Opponent, Crooked Joe Biden, tells Merrick Garland and the DOJ to indict and arrest me on bogus charges and accusations, trying desperately to steal the Election. But that wasn’t enough! He now wants Thug Prosecutor, Deranged Jack Smith, to file for a Court Order taking away my first amendment rights, SPEECH. So, based on yet another Radical Left Hoax, I’ll be the only “Politician” in American history not allowed to SPEAK. THE NEVER ENDING WITCH HUNT CONTINUES.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110852063479466833

*They just found a letter from Crooked Joe Biden directly to Keven Archer. Oh well, so much for “Joe” not knowing anything about all of the money he extorted. At some point the LameStream Media will have to cover this story, perhaps the biggest scandal in U.S. history. When they do, our Country will start to heal!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110850107581995665

*HOW CAN MY CORRUPT POLITICAL OPPONENT PUT ME ON TRIAL(S) DURING A CAMPAIGN THAT I AM WINNING (BY A LOT!), BUT FORCING ME TO SPEND TIME AND MONEY AWAY FROM THE “CAMPAIGN TRAIL” IN ORDER TO FIGHT BOGUS ACCUSATIONS &amp; CHARGES? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF ELECTIONS IN AMERICA? CAN A PRESIDENT ORDER HIS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE TO INDICT AN OPPONENT JUST PRIOR TO AN ELECTION? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110849582956879248

*Just found out that Crooked Joe Biden’s DOJ secretly attacked my Twitter account, making it a point not to let me know about this major “hit” on my civil rights. My Political Opponent is going CRAZY trying to infringe on my Campaign for President. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does the First Amendment still exist? Did Deranged Jack Smith tell the Unselects to DESTROY &amp; DELETE all evidence? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110860965885418709

*It’s not like the State or Country is coming down on me. It’s a dishonest politician and his gang of Thugs breaking the law in order to get re-elected. 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110859441854770499

*So now that I have full Subpoena Power because of the Freedom of Speech Sham Indictment by Crooked Joe Biden,  Deranged Jack Smith, and the DOJ, it has just been reported that the Unselect January 6th Committee of Political Hacks and Thugs has illegally destroyed their Records and Documents. This is unthinkable, and the Fake Political Indictment against me must be immediately withdrawn. The system is Rigged &amp; Corrupt, very much like the Presidential Election of 2020. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110857162338915853
*Thousands of veterans were put on secret medial wait lists and many of them were left to die, All of that changed when WE arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-lays-out-exemplary-agenda-that-will-restore-hope-and-care-to-americas-veterans/ 

*Whenever more Biden corruption is exposed his henchmen charge me with a crime.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110855681234356104 
*I think that Crooked Joe Biden is not only dumb and incompetent, I believe he has gone MAD, a stark raving Lunatic, with his HORRIBLE AND COUNTRY THREATENING ENVIRONMENTAL, OPEN BORDERS, &amp; DOJ/FBI WEAPONIZATION POLICIES. HE IS A MENTAL CATASTROPHE THAT IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL!What Crooked Joe Biden, who can’t string two sentences together, has done to our once great Country through his Open Borders CATASTROPHE, may go down as the greatest and most damaging mistake ever made in USA HISTORY. It is not even believable that such incompetence and stupidity could have been allowed to happen. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED BY A MAN WITH THE MIND, IDEAS, AND I.Q. OF A FIRST GRADER. THIS INVASION OF OUR COUNTRY MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865224814637476 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865185229848140


*The Fake Indictments against me didn’t come down from heaven, they came from the most corrupt President in the history of the United States, Crooked Joe Biden, in order to Rig &amp; Steal another Election.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110867274500411944]

*Why is “Phoney” (Like in PERFECT “PHONE” CALL, get it?) Fani Willis, the severely underperforming D.A. of Fulton County who is being accused of having an “affair” with a Gang Member of a group that she is prosecuting, leaking my name in regard to a Grand Jury pertaining to Election Fraud &amp; Irregularities that I say took place in Georgia. I made a PERFECT PHONE CALL OF PROTEST. What does Phoney Fani have to do with me? She should instead focus on the record number of murders in Atlanta!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882230702522121

*The only Election Interference that took place in Fulton County, Georgia, was done by those that Rigged and Stole the Election, not by me, who simply complained that the Election was Rigged and Stolen. We have Massive and Conclusive Proof, if the Grand Jury would like to see it. Unfortunately, the publicity seeking D.A. isn’t interested in Justice, or this evidence. Also, as in Manhattan, the corrupt DOJ is pushing hard trying to keep Biden in Office. The whole system is dishonest and broken!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882321735123573

*To say no comment is oftentimes fine, but to be smiling when you say it, especially again such a tragedy as this, is absolutely horrible and unacceptable, Our government was not prepared. And very importantly, the aftermath is going very poorly with the governor of the island wanting to do nothing but blame it on global warming, and other things that just happen to pop into his head.
**https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4152554-trump-bidens-response-to-maui-fires-disgraceful/


*“Hey, I’m running against a guy, I’m going to Indict him 3 or 4 times to keep him busy.” Does anyone think that Crooked Joe Biden would have said something like this???
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110914172490735501

*David Rivkin, a highly respected Constitutional law scholar, just clearly stated that I have “Constitutionally-based immunity” and “absolute immunity!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918895000463495

*Why should Crooked Joe Biden be able to force me into the time and expense of trials, especially before the Election, on bogus claims pushed by his chief political supporter, The Department of Injustice? What a horrible precedent this sets for future Presidential campaigns. Crooked Joe Biden’s only campaign strategy is Indicting me, going on extended vacations, and Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!!!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918860464876718 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918173717605996 

*I easily won the Great State of Georgia in 2016, did a fantastic job, as President, for Georgia and the entire USA, received 10 Million more votes than I got, nationwide, in 2016, got by far the most votes in history for a sitting President, but shockingly,  “LOST” Georgia. All this despite winning nearby Alabama and South Carolina in Record Setting Landslides. Why did Georgia officials agree to, and sign, the one sided Consent Decree? Does anybody really believe I lost Georgia? I DON’T!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110916681777676824


====September 2023====
*MINORITY VOTERS ARE ABANDONING CROOKED JOE BIDEN &amp; THE DEMOCRAT PARTY FOR “TRUMP.” THANK YOU, A VERY WISE DECISION!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/1110151303435539041

*It is all a shadow of its former self. Ukraine, Inflation, Bad Economy, Woke Military, No World Standing, No Respect, and today, 6 Billion Dollars for hostages. Where is the call from Republicans for the 25th Amendment.
**Truth social

*Can you believe that Crooked Joe Biden is giving $6 Billion to the terrorist regime in Iran? That money be used for terrorism all over the Middle East, and, indeed, the World. This incompetent FOOL is absolutely destroying America He had the audacity to announce this terrible deal today, September 11th. To pay for hostages will lead to kidnapping, ransom, and blackmail against Americans across the globe So, lets get this straight! We did a hostage TRADE with Iran. We gave them 5 very tough, smart people that they desperately wanted. We likewise got back 5 people BUT, we also gave them 6 BILLION DOLLARS! How much of a kickback does Crooked Joe Biden get Does anyone realize how much money 6 Billion Dollars is? When I was President, I got back 58 hostages for ZERO money. Remember Pastor Brunson? It sets a TERRIBLE precedent. Republicans, call out the 25th Amendment, NOW! Biden is INCOMPETENT
**https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/4199317-trump-rips-biden-for-release-of-6b-in-iranian-funds/

*Early in the administration Education department will be closing . we spend more money on education than any other country yet we are bottom of every list.
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&amp;v=ojRde4zCYd0 Truth social]

*Biden’s job killing EV mandate has dictated that nearly seven percent of all cars sold in the US must be fully electric in less than 10 years. Crooked Joe Biden is back like a wretched old vulture.
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-crooked-joe-biden-is-back-like-a-wretched-old-vulture-trying-to-finish-off-his-prey/]

*[[Mark Milley]], who led perhaps the most embarrassing moment in American history with his grossly incompetent implementation of the withdrawal from Afghanistan, costing many lives, leaving behind hundreds of American citizens, and handing over BILLIONS of dollars of the finest military equipment ever made, will be leaving the military next week. This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy turned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States. This is an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH! A war between China and the United States could have been the result of this treasonous act. To be continued!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/111111513207332826 Truth social]

* Nobody has any idea where these people are coming from. And we know they come from prisons. We know they come from mental institutions, insane asylums. We know they're terrorists. Nobody has seen anything like we're witnessing right now. It is a very sad thing for our country. It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad.
** ''The National Pulse'' interview, quoted in {{cite web |date=2023-10-17 |title=Trump - &quot;Migrants Poisoning the Blood of Our Country&quot; |work=Meidas Touch |url=https://www.meidastouch.com/:section/trump-migrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country }}

====October 2023====
*We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store... Shot! The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place. There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country
**2 October 2023 in [https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/trump-calls-for-shoplifters-to-be-shot-to-save-the-nation/ NY Post]

*I had a wonderful life before all this stuff. I '''didn't know what a grand jury was''', I didn't know what a subpoena, '''what is a subpoena'''? I had a wonderful life.
**5 October 2023 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uPUfVrb74&amp;t=842s spoken interview]

* lowlife with a very small brain and a very big mouth
* by far the dumbest of my military people
* incapable of doing a good job
* It was too much for him, and I couldn’t stand the guy, so I fired him like a ‘dog’
** Claimed about John Kelly, retired U.S. Marine Corps general, former Chief of Staff for Donald Trump, and before that US Homeland Security Secretary, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/05/donald-trump-john-kelly-comments-military-veterans &quot;‘Lowlife with small brain and big mouth’: Trump hits out at ex-aide Kelly&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (October 5, 2023)

* There’s a man, Viktor Orbán, did anyone ever hear of him?  He’s probably, like, one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world. He’s the leader of Turkey.
**24 October 2023 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-confuses-turkish-and-hungarian-leaders-orban-erdogan/ &quot;Trump praises Hungary’s ‘Viktor Orbán’ as great ‘leader of Turkey’&quot;], ''Politico''

==== November 2023 ====
* We pledge to you that we will root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream. The threat from outside forces is far less sinister, dangerous, and grave, than the threat from within. Despite the hatred and anger of the Radical Left Lunatics who want to destroy our Country, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/donald-trump-fascist-vermin/ &quot;The “Is Donald Trump a Fascist?” Debate Has Been Ended—by Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Nation'' (November 14, 2023)

====December 2023====
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody?
*:''Donald Trump:'' Except for day one.
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Except for—
*: ''Donald Trump:'' ''[aside to audience, pointing at Sean]'' He's doing great. ''[to Sean]'' Except for day one. I want to close the border and I want to drill, drill, drill.

* We love this guy. He says, &quot;You’re not going to be a dictator, are ya?&quot; I said: &quot;No, no, no, other than day one. We're closing the border, and we're drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I'm not a dictator.&quot;
**5 December 2023 in Davenport, Iowa town hall, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-05 |title=Trump to Hannity on Whether He’ll Abuse Power as President: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |periodical=Rolling Stone |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-hannity-iowa-town-hall-1234917385/ }}

* They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do.&lt;br&gt;They're poisoning the '''blood of our country''', that's what they've done.&lt;br&gt;They poison mental institutions and prisons all over the world, not just in South America, not just to three or four countries that we think about, but all over the world. They're coming into our country from Africa, from Asia, all over the world.
**16 December 2023 in Durham, New Hampshire rally, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-17 |title=Trump says immigrants are 'poisoning the blood of our country.' Biden campaign likens comments to Hitler. |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-immigrants-are-poisoning-blood-country-biden-campaign-liken-rcna130141  }}

*ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS POISONING THE BLOOD OF OUR NATION
**17 December 2023 per [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-poisoning-blood-quote-fascism-b2465618.html Alex Woodward article in The Independent] on Trumps TruthSocial account after leaving New Hampshire

===2024===
====January 2024====
*Even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it.
**14 January 2024 per [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-worth-it-sick-vote-iowa-caucus-pass-away-2024-1 Business Insider] and  [https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/15/donald-trump-vote-pass-away-iowa-caucus-vpx.cnn CNN]

*“We’re going to place strong protections to stop banks and regulators from trying to debank you from your—our political beliefs what they do. They want to debank you. We’re going to debank—think of this. They want to take away your country. Electric cars... They wanna take away your rights. They wanna take away your country. The things they’re doing. All [[Electric vehicles|electric cars]]. Give me a break. If you want an electric car, great. But they don’t go far. They’re very expensive. They gotta be made in China. That’s why I think I’m gonna get the autoworkers to vote for Trump. You know, we’re having great, great talks. But think of what they wanna do. They wanna take away your rights.”
**17 January 2024 at a campaign rally in New Hampshire, reported by several sources.&lt;ref name=&quot;evdb&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |website={{w|The Daily Beast}} |date=2024-01-21 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |title=We Need an Interpreter to Work Out Trump’s ‘Debanking’ Rant |department=The New Abnormal |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-debanking-rant-in-new-hampshire-and-electric-cars-makes-no-sense}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;evmed&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/huh-trump-declares-they-wanna-de-bank-you-and-we-re-going-to-de-bank/ar-AA1n9KYV |title=Huh? Trump Declares, ‘They Wanna De-Bank You and We’re Going to De-Bank’ |first=Michael |last=Luciano |date=2024-01-18 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |website={{w|Mediaite}}}}&lt;/ref&gt;

* There is a great man, a great leader in Europe — [[Viktor Orbán|Viktor Orban]] [...] He is the Prime Minister of [[Hungary]]. He is a very great leader, a very strong man. Some people don't like him because he's too strong.
**20 January 2024 at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, as cited in [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-hails-hungarian-pm-orban-162500247.html &quot;Trump hails Hungarian PM Orban as 'great leader' and 'strong man'], ''Yahoo! News,'' reproduced from The New Voice of Ukraine (21 January 2024)

* We have become a drug infested, crime ridden nation which is incapable of solvin’ even the sollest smallest problem. The simplest of problems, we can no longer solve. We can’t do anything. We are an institute in a powerful death penalty. We will put this on.
** [https://www.indy100.com/video/donald-trump-incoherent-sentence-video &quot;Trump utter's incoherent sentence about US not solving 'sollest smallest problem'&quot;], ''Indy 100'' (January 23, 2024)

*You know, I had an uncle. He's the longest-serving professor, Doctor John Trump, in the history of MIT, with same genes—we have genes, we're smart people, we're smart people... We're like race—Mr. Lieutenant Governor—we're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones doesn't work out so well, right? But we're no different in that sense.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 January 2024]

====March 2024====
*There's a lot of good and there's a lot of bad with TikTok, but the thing I don't like is that without TikTok, you're going to make Facebook bigger, and I consider Facebook to be an enemy of the people, along with a lot of the media. I'm not looking to make Facebook double the size. I think Facebook has been very bad for our country.
**11 March 2024 per [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reversal-tiktok-ban-says-facebook-enemy-of-people/ CBS article by Jacob Rosen]

* They call it BleachBit, but it’s essentially acid that will destroy everything, you know, within ten miles.
**13 March 2024 about a computer software program, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-still-seems-to-think-hillary-clinton-used-acid-to-delete-emails &quot;Trump STILL Seems to Think Hillary Clinton Used Acid to Delete Emails&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* People who are coming from parts unknown, countries that you’ve never heard of. Languages that nobody in this country speaks. We don’t even have teachers of some of these languages.  Who would think that we have languages that are like from the planet Mars?  Nobody, nobody, knows how to, you know, speak it.  
**25 March 2024 [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-out-of-this-world-claim_n_65e6de3ee4b0170871fb9275 &quot;Donald Trump Dragged To The Moon Over New Interplanetary Dog Whistle&quot;], ''Huffington Post''

====April 2024====
*I called [Bill Bar] him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy,Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement.
**25 April 2024 per [https://web.archive.org/web/20240426044532/https://gazette.com/news/wex/bill-barr-endorses-trump-despite-past-criticism/article_1c59037c-c234-5540-be2e-8a5e59bf3ad9.html archive of The Gazette]

====May 2024====

*These people are running a Gestapo administration,And it’s the only thing they have. And it’s the only way they’re going to win in their opinion. Once I got indicted, I said well, now the gloves have to come off,If you care too much, you tend to choke. And in a way, I don’t care. It’s just you know, life is life.
**4 May 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-biden-administration-gestapo-private-donor-event-rcna150743 NBC writers] Burns/Brooks/Sonnier/Gomez/Terkel

* We will make [[America]] ''[[powerful]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[wealthy]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[strong]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America [[proud]] again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[safe]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; ''We will make America [[great]] again!''
** [https://www.instagram.com/realdonaldtrump/reel/C7Z3M8Kudxd/?hl=en Presidential campaign slogans, Bronx, NY (25 May 2024)]

* If he wins, our country is going to be destroyed.
* He’s a demented tyrant.
** Claimed about President of the United States of America Joe Biden, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

* Our cities are choking to death. Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying.
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

*I have been indicted more than the great Al Capone, on bullshit.
**11 May 2024 per [https://www.insidernj.com/trump-delusionary-in-new-jersey/ InsiderNJ] writer Max Pizarro

* Has anyone ever seen ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]''? The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner.
**11 May 2024 from a speech in Wildwood, N.J. per [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/13/trump-hannibal-lecter-immigration/ Washington Post], as cited 16 May 2024 in [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/opinion/donald-trump-hannibal-lecter.html &quot;When Donald Trump Met Hannibal Lecter&quot;], ''The New York Times''

*I know we won (Minnesota) in 2020. We've got to be careful. We've got to watch those votes.
** 17 May 2024 during an address to the Minnesota Republican Party's annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner in St. Paul per [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/18/donald-trump-minnesota-election/73747544007/ Donald Trump falsely tells supporters he won Minnesota in 2020], ''USA Today''

*'''Before I even arrive at the Oval Office''', shortly after we win the presidency, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled, and we will restore, as we had just four years ago, peace through strength. They respected our country and they respected your President. 
**18 May 2024 in Dallas, Texas in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgl06asFsXc speech to NRA aired on Fox], transcribed [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speaks-at-nra-convention 20 May 2024]
***Trump had previously used the &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; phrase in [[#May 2023]] and would again use it in Philadelphia the following month in [[#June 2024]]

*And if you vote for me, on Day One, I will commute the sentence of [[Ross Ulbricht]]
**20 May 2024 (Saturday night) at Libertarian National Convention, reported in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025 25 May 2024 article] by Peter Shaefer of Politico

*It boiled down to something that was very beautiful, the way it happened, and I got along with him very well.&lt;br&gt;He respected me, I respected him.&lt;br&gt;Very smart guy, very strong guy
**28 May 2024 about Kim Jong-Un, dictator in North Korea, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/181993/trump-brags-beautiful-relationship-cruel-dictator-kim-jong-un &quot;Watch: Trump’s Disgusting Praise for “Beautiful” Bond with Kim Jong Un&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We have a country that’s in big trouble, but this was a rigged decision right from day one, with a conflicted judge who should have never been allowed to try this case, And we’ll keep fighting we’ll fight till the end and we’ll win because our country has gone to hell. We don’t have the same country anymore. We have a divided mess. We’re a nation in decline, serious decline, millions and millions of people pouring into our country right now, from prisons and from mental institutions terrorists, and they’re taking over our country, real verdict would come in November.
**30 May 2024 from [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-reaction-guilty-verdict-new-york-criminal-trial/ Melissa Quinn of CBS] and [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jury-reaction-hush-money-trial-b2554187.html Ariana Baio of The Independent]

* Our witnesses were literally crucified by this man who looks like an angel, but he is really a devil.
**31 May 2024 [https://x.com/Acyn/status/1796560554359996767 tweet by Acyn] shows footage of Trump saying this about Judge [[Juan Merchan]], after Trump was found guilty in concealing payment of hush money to adult film performer Stormy Daniels, cited in [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-ridiculed-over-literally-crucified-trial-witness-claim_uk_665c277be4b00474bee95ad7 &quot;Social Media Mocks Trump's Claim That Trial Witnesses Were 'Literally Crucified'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (June 02, 2024)

====June 2024==== 
*Don’t forget, if it weren’t me, they’d be going after somebody else. And I know a lot of the competition, They wouldn’t be doing so well right now. They’d be saying, ‘Mommy, take me home, I want to go home.
**2 June 2024 cited in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/02/trump-biden-heat-2024-elections-00161168 Politico article] by Mia McCarthy

*Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the President's wife and the former Secretary of State into jail? Wouldn't that be a terrible thing? But they wanna do it! It's a terrible, terrible, path that they're leading us to &amp; it's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them.
**5 June 2024 per [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-suggests-political-opponents-could-face-prosecution/ NewsNationNow article] by Brett Samuels of The Hill

*[&lt;i&gt;Rachel Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the 9/11 files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the JFK files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. I did a lot of it.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the Epstein files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. Yeah, I would. I guess I would. I think that less so because, you know, you don't know — you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there, because it's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world.
**During an appearance on Fox &amp; Friends Weekend, quoted in [https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/donald-trump-panics-when-asked-if-hed-declassify-epstein-documents-netizens-wonder-what-is-he-afraid-of-101717671792541.html Donald Trump ‘panics’ when asked if he'd declassify Epstein documents, netizens wonder ‘what is he afraid of?’] ''Hindustan Times'' (June 6, 2024)[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/donald-trump-interview-on-the-will-cain-show]

*Those J6 warriors — they were warriors — but they were really, more than anything else, they’re victims of what happened... All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That’s what they were doing.
**9 June 2024  [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4713140-trump-calls-j6-defendants-warriors/ &quot;Trump calls Jan. 6 defendants ‘warriors’&quot;]

* I don't care about you. I just want your vote. 
**10 June 2024  [https://lamag.com/politics/i-dont-care-about-you-i-just-want-your-vote-trump-says-at-his-latest-rally &quot;Trump to Nevada: ’I Don't Care About You... I Just Want Your Vote’&quot;], Los Angeles Magazine

* So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question.  Nobody ever asked this question. And it must be because of MIT. My relationship to MIT. Very smart. I say, What would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there.  By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. You notice that? A lot of shark. I watch some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry. They bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were — they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what - who she was.’ These people are crazy.  ‘There’s no problem with sharks. They just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming. No really got decimated and other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So I said, ‘So there’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here. Do I get electrocuted? If the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?  ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark!
**10 June 2024 [https://newrepublic.com/post/182494/cognitive-decline-trump-rant-batteries &quot;Cognitive Decline? Trump Short-Circuits During Bonkers Rant&quot;], The New Republic
*before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after we win the presidency
**22 June 2024 rally in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, quoted in a 2 July 2024 [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/07/02/nato-second-trump-term-00164517 Politico article] by Michael Hirsh
***Trump had previously used the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#March 2023]], and also used it in a May 2024 speech to the NRA the previous month

*I'm not rambling.
**23 June 2024 [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/his-brains-are-pudding-internet-mocks-trump-for-incoherent-defense-of-rambling-rant/ar-BB1oHYc9?item=flightsprg-tipsubsc-v1a?loadin=defaultbrowser &quot;'His brains are pudding': Internet mocks Trump for 'incoherent' defense of 'rambling' rant&quot;], MSN

*But I will tell you that would have never happened [if I was president]. Ukraine would have never happened. The israeli attack would have never happened and inflation would have never happened. Those are three big things. Inflation would have never happened.&lt;br&gt;No, I wouldn't support a national ban [on abortion]. No, I would not.
**20 June 2024 [https://deepcast.fm/episode/46167/in-conversation-with-president-trump#quotes/ &quot;In conversation with President Trump&quot;, on All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks &amp; Friedberg, found on DeepCast] 

* I want you to remember what they did to me. They tortured me in the Fulton County Jail, and TOOK MY MUGSHOT. So guess what? I put it on a mug for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
**24 June 2024 [https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-georgia-fundraising/2024/06/24/id/1169939/ &quot;Trump Fundraising Email: I Was 'Tortured' in Jail&quot;], Newsmax

* If I took this shirt off, you would see a beautiful beautiful person. But you would see wounds all over. I’ve taken a lot of wounds I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever.
**24 June 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-talks-taking-off-105630724.html &quot;Donald Trump Talks About Taking Off His Shirt To Show 'Wounds.' Internet Can't Even.&quot;], Yahoo News

*Israel is the one. And you should let them go and let them go finish the job. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s become like a Palestinian, but hey, don’t like him because he’s a very bad Palestinian. He’s a weak one.
**27 June 2024 per [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744809-donald-trump-joe-biden-debate-palestine-israel/ The Hill article] by Brett Samuels

*If we had a real president, a president that knew -- that was respected by Putin ... he would have never invaded Ukraine.
**27 June 2024 debate with Joe Biden, cited [https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-he-can-end-the-russia-ukraine-war-in-one-day-russia-s-un-ambassador-says-he-can-t-1.6947744 1 July 2024] by Edith Lederer

*I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either.
**About Joe Biden. [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744753-trump-jabs-biden-really-dont-know-what-he-said/ Presidential debate], June 27, 2024

====July 2024====
* I know nothing about [[Project 2025]].
* I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal.
** Claimed on July 5, 2024, quoted in:
::* [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/11/politics/trump-allies-project-2025/index.html &quot;Trump claims not to know who is behind Project 2025. A CNN review found at least 140 people who worked for him are involved&quot;], ''CNN'' (July 11, 2024)
::* [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/russell-vought-project-2025-centre-for-climate-reporting_n_66be3e85e4b04090eac4512c &quot;Project 2025 Co-Author Says Donald Trump ‘Very Supportive Of What We Do’&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (August 15, 2024)

*It was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening...In this moment, it is more important than ever that we stand United, and show our True Character as Americans, remaining Strong and Determined, and not allowing Evil to Win
**14 July 2024 [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/it-was-god-alone-who-prevented-the-unthinkable-trump-on-assassination-attempt-6104182 per NDTV]

*By luck or by God, many people are saying it’s by God I’m still here.&lt;br&gt;The agents hit me so hard that my shoes fell off, and my shoes are tight.&lt;br&gt;I had all prepared an extremely tough speech, really good, all about the corrupt, horrible administration. But I threw it away. I want to try to unite our country.
**14 July 2024 cited by [https://nypost.com/2024/07/14/us-news/grateful-defiant-trump-recounts-surreal-assassination-attempt-at-rally-im-supposed-to-be-dead/ NY Post] writer Michael Goodwin and [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/15/trump-assassination-attempt-rnc-speech-00168251 Politico] writer Isabella Ramirez

* Kamala even wants to pass laws to outlaw RED MEAT to stop climate change. 
* You know what that means? That means no more cows.
* I guess eventually she’s gonna mean no more people. Right? No more people.
** Claimed on July 25, 2024, without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-kamala-harris-does-not-want-to-ban-red-meat-as-trump-keeps-falsely-claiming-204515645.html &quot;Fact check: ​​Kamala Harris does not want to ban red meat as Trump keeps falsely claiming&quot;], ''Yahoo News'' (August 1, 2024)

* And then the [Kamala Harris] campaign says, 'I'm the prosecutor and he is the convicted felon.'
**25 July 2024 [https://www.comicsands.com/harris-trump-ad-prosecutor-felon-2668815011.html# &quot;Kamala Harris Uses 6-Second Clip Of Trump Telling The Truth About Her Campaign In New Ad—And It's Gold&quot;], ''Comic Sands''

*They say something happened to me when I got shot. I became nice.&lt;br&gt;If you don't mind, I'm not going to be nice. Is that okay?&lt;br&gt;If border czar Harris is in charge, every week they'll bring in a neverending stream of illegal aliens, rapists, blood thirsty killers, child murderers to go after our sons and our daughters.&lt;br&gt;Everything Kamala touches turns into a total disaster.
**25 July 2024 claims about US Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] at a sports arena in Charlotte, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13664627/donald-trump-Charlotte-north-carolina-kamala-harris.html &quot;Donald Trump turns his attention to 'radical left lunatic' Kamala Harris in first rally since Biden dropped out&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

*We have a new victim now, Kamala. A brand new victim, and honestly she’s a radical left lunatic. When you find out about her, all I have to say is defund the police,Three months ago, she was thought of so badly, [the media] were just killing her. And now they’re trying to make her into a, let’s say, Margaret Thatcher. I don’t think so. It’s not going to happen. Margaret Thatcher didn’t laugh like that. Did she?
**27 July 2024 in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/27/trump-harris-minnesota-rally-shooting-00171526 Politico article] by Myah Ward

*I pledge to the bitcoin community, that the day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over. On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler.
**date unknown, [https://www.ft.com/content/03e8e1d2-4244-4eba-9248-9bbd8d1b0090 Financial Times article]

*You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians...I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. '''In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.'''
**27 July 2024 in a speech to Turning Point Action in West Palm Beach, Florida, quote from the Reuters article [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-tells-christians-they-wont-have-vote-after-this-election-2024-07-27/ &quot;Trump tells Christians they won't have to vote after this election&quot;] by Tim Reid

*I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60
**29 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, cited in [https://www.rawstory.com/donald-trump-2668835186/ &quot;She'll 'destroy the country': Trump rambles about Kamala Harris in new Fox News interview&quot;], ''RawStory''
***Kamala Harris was born 20 October 1964 so would not turn sixty until 20 October 2024, two weeks prior to the upcoming election - she was actually 59 years 9 months old when he said this 

*I’m not so sure which is better. But she either likes or loves me. And that’s nice.
**30 July 2024 about his wife Melania Trump, cited in [https://www.mercurynews.com/2024/07/30/trump-thinks-melania-either-likes-or-loves-him-following-assassination-attempt/ &quot;Trump thinks Melania ‘either likes or loves’ him following assassination attempt&quot;], ''Mercury News''

* Perverts and losers
**30 July 2024 describing members of the Lincoln Project, an organisation of moderate conservatives who oppose Trump and trumpism.  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rages-republicans-campaigning-lincoln-project-1849509 &quot;Donald Trump Rages at Republicans Campaigning Against Him&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* She doesn’t like Jewish people. You know it, I know it and everybody knows it and nobody wants to say it.
**30 July 2024 claimed about US Vice President Kamala Harris, who is married to a Jewish husband.  Quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-claims-harris-doesnt-like-jews-seems-to-agree-with-calling-her-husband-a-crappy-jew/ &quot;Trump claims Harris ‘doesn’t like Jews,’ seems to agree with calling her husband ‘a crappy Jew’&quot;], ''Times of Israel''

* If you are Jewish, regardless of Israel, if you’re Jewish, if you vote for a Democrat, you’re a fool, an absolute fool.
**30 July 2024 [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-agrees-with-radio-host-who-calls-doug-emhoff-a-crappy-jew &quot;Trump Agrees With Radio Host Who Calls Emhoff a ‘Crappy Jew’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* So I've known her a long time - indirectly, not directly very much - and she was always of Indian heritage. And she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn't know she was Black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn Black.  And now she wants to be known as Black. So I don't know, is she Indian or is she Black?
**31 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, whose mother was a biologist from India and father is an emeritus professor of economics at Stanford University, originating from Jamaica.  Quoted in [https://www.nbcchicago.com/dnc-chicago-2024/all-of-a-sudden-trump-tells-black-journalists-in-chicago-that-kamala-harris-turned-black/3507125/ &quot;‘All of a sudden': Trump tells Black journalists in Chicago Kamala Harris ‘turned Black'&quot;], ''NBC Chicago''

* I don't want pronouns.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-gets-basic-english-123624171.html &quot;Donald Trump Gets Basic English Lesson After Ridiculous Comment About His ‘Pronouns’&quot;], ''Huffington Post / Yahoo Entertainment''

* A Black job is anybody that has a job.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/31/trump-black-journalist-convention-nabj.html &quot;Trump questions if Harris is Black, downplays Vance pick at Black journalists convention&quot;], ''CNBC''

====August 2024====
* That’s a weird deal going on there. They’re the weird ones. Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.&lt;br&gt;You notice the evening news, every one of them, you know, they introduced the word ‘weird’, and all of a sudden they’re talking about ‘weird’.  No, we’re not weird people. We’re actually just the opposite. We’re right down the middle.&lt;br&gt;No, we're not weird. We're very solid people. We want to have strong borders. We want to have good elections. They’re the weird ones.
**1 August 2024 [https://time.com/7009800/donald-trump-responds-weird-label-jd-vance-tim-walz-commentary/ Time] and [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-stop-calling-jd-vance-and-me-weird &quot;Donald Trump: Stop Calling Me and J.D. Vance ‘Weird’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* 24 HOURS UNTIL WE UNLEASH HELL.  At this time tomorrow, Crooked Kamala’s worst nightmares come true.&lt;br&gt;Tomorrow I step on stage and deliver Open Border Czar Kamala Harris the WORST defeat of her failed political career.&lt;br&gt;
**2 August 2024 campaign e-mail from Trump, cited in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4808393-trump-unleash-hell-atlanta-rally-harris/ &quot;Trump vows to ‘unleash hell’ on Harris at Atlanta rally&quot;], ''The Hill''

*This one is so smart, so sharp. She grabbed me. She gave me a kiss. I said &quot;I think I'm never going back home to the first lady.&quot; See now for the average politician, that's death. For me, I don't care. 
**4 August 2024 about [[Michaelah Montgomery]] at a rally in Georgia about an incident earlier in 2024, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13707347/donald-trump-georgia-rally-activist-michaelah-montgomery.html &quot;Trump's risqué remark to young activist who went viral for hugging him at Chick-fil-A after he invited her on stage at rally - as she makes VERY personal dig at Kamala&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

* I’m for electric cars. I have to be, you know, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So I have no choice.
**5 August 2024 [https://www.benzinga.com/news/24/08/40154264/trump-says-electric-cars-are-fantastic-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musks-endorsement-i-have-to-be-you-know &quot;Trump Says Electric Cars Are 'Fantastic' After Tesla CEO Elon Musk's Endorsement: 'I Have To Be, You Know… I Have No Choice'&quot;], ''Benzinga''

* Kamabla Harris is afraid to Debate me on FoxNews
**6 August 2024 cited in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-pathetic-way-attacking-120711256.html &quot;Donald Trump’s ‘Pathetic’ New Way Of Attacking Kamala Harris Is Slammed Online&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!!
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-suggests-biden-may-try-take-back-nomination-1935550 &quot;Donald Trump Suggests Biden May Try to 'Take Back The Nomination'&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* Crazy Kamabla is, indeed, CRAZY. I HEAR THERE IS A BIG MOVEMENT TO “BRING BACK CROOKED JOE&quot;.
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-truth-social-biden-walz &quot;Trump shares outrageous Biden prediction in baffling Truth Social rant&quot;], ''Indy100''

* If you look at Caracas, it was known for being a very dangerous city and now it's very safe. In fact, the next interview we do, we'll do it in Caracas, Venezuela, because it's safer than many of our cities.
** 6 August 2024 [https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/trump-says-caracas-venezuela-is-safer-than-many-us-cities-20962070 &quot;Trump Says Caracas Is 'Safer Than Many of Our Cities'&quot;], ''Miami New Times''

*I heard she's sort of a nasty person.&lt;br&gt;She doesn't do interviews 'cause she can't answer questions.
**7 August 2024 about Vice President of the United States of America, Kamala Harris, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/184640/donald-trump-kamala-harris-attacks &quot;Trump’s Latest Desperate Kamala Attacks Fall Hilariously Flat&quot;], ''The New Republic''

* A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.&lt;br&gt;We’re gonna be living like dogs. Our whole country, our whole system, is gonna collapse.
**7 August 2024 about [[Tim Walz]], cited in [https://voz.us/en/politics/240807/15242/trump-on-the-election-of-walz-ticket-that-would-want-this-country-to-go-communist-immediately-if-not-sooner.html &quot;Trump, on the selection of Walz: 'A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner'&quot;], ''Voz'' (August 7, 2024)

*Kim Jong Un liked me a lot. He doesn't like this group [the Harris campaign]
**8 August 2024 cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trump-press-conference-mar-a-lago-updates.html &quot;Trump Agrees to Debate Harris at Rambling Press Conference: How It Happened&quot;], ''New York Magazine''

* I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. And they said he had a million people, but I had 25,000 people.&lt;br&gt;Nobody was killed on Jan. 6.&lt;br&gt;The presidency was taken away from Joe Biden, and I’m no Biden fan, but I tell you what, from a constitutional standpoint, from any standpoint you look at, they took the presidency away.&lt;br&gt;Twenty million people came over the border during the Biden-Harris administration — 20 million people — and it could be very much higher than that. Nobody really knows.
**9 August 2024 quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-news-conference-fact-check-misinformation-eb899c1fc734f5ecb42b8d0902e5c004 &quot;FACT FOCUS: A look at claims made by Trump at news conference&quot;], ''AP News''

*Christie, he’s eating right now.  He can’t be bothered.&lt;br&gt;Sir, please do not call him a fat pig, that’s very disrespect.&lt;br&gt;See, I’m trying to be nice. Don’t call him a fat pig.  You can’t do that.&lt;br&gt;I was extremely respectful of Sloppy Chris Christie today in New Hampshire.  During a speech in front of a large crowd of Patriots, somebody shouted out that &quot;Chris Christie is a fat pig.&quot;  Rather than acknowleding that, which many speakers would have done, I said &quot;No, No, he is not a fat pig.&quot; I'm sure Chris would have been very happy with my defense of him!
**10 August 2024 [[Chris Christie]], cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/08/trump-is-pretending-he-didnt-call-chris-christie-fat-pig.html &quot;Trump Is Pretending He Didn’t Call Christie a ‘Fat Pig’&quot;], ''Intelligencer'' (August 10, 2024)

*Has anyone noticed that Kamala CHEATED at the airport?  There was nobody at the plane, and she ‘A.I.’d’ it, and showed a massive ‘crowd’ of so-called followers, BUT THEY DIDN’T EXIST!
**10 August 2024 cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/08/trump-claims-ai-images-kamala-harris-rallies/679445/ &quot;Trump’s Latest Falsehood Is a Huge Tell&quot;], ''The Atlantic''

*She’s a CHEATER. She had NOBODY waiting, and the ‘crowd’ looked like 10,000 people! Same thing is happening with her fake ‘crowds’ at her speeches. This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING ‒ And they’re even worse at the Ballot Box. She should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!&lt;br&gt;EVERYTHING ABOUT KAMALA IS FAKE!
**12 August 2024, cited in  [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/12/trump-harris-rally-crowd-ai-conspiracy-theory/74763568007/ &quot;Trump blames Harris' crowds on AI, so let's all assume everything we don't like is fake!&quot;], ''USA Today''

*The worst president in history. And one of the reasons he was so bad, first of all, the Israeli attack would have never happened. Russia would never have attacked Ukraine and we'd have no inflation.  And we wouldn't have had the Afghanistan mess if you think of it.&lt;br&gt;Now she's looking like she wants to be more Trump than Trump if that's possible.She wants to have open borders. And now she's going like she's tough on the border. It's such a lie.
**12 August 2024 in [https://turboscribe.ai/transcript/share/4422534834081521519/HWE18owsC2u8E5u2HpZNikyBdermlV2YSwGlTEPKJJw/donald-trump-and-elon-musk-full-transcript-august-12-2024-https-x-com-i-spaces-1nakepnklwoxl TurboScribe article]

*The ocean is going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years.  
**13 August 2024 about sea level rise, which is currently at 4 mm (5/32&quot;) per year with an accelerating trend.  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*The biggest threat is nuclear warming.
**13 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*&quot;I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, 'Don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir, you do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it.' And I told him things that what I do. And he said, 'No way.' And I said, 'way.' And, you know, it's the last time we ever had the conversation.
**13 August 2024 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-zelenskyy-eu-freewheeling-musk-interview/ Politco article]

*You’re the greatest cutter,...I need an Elon Musk — I need somebody that has a lot of strength and courage and smarts. I want to close up the Department of Education, move education back to the states.
**13 August 2024 in [https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-elon-musk-x-twitter-livestream-83d6d07fc0ffef4151c96fc56aeec9ee AP News article]

*Iran is no friend of mine, a lot of bad signals get sent.The reason is because I was strong on Iran and I was protecting people in the Middle East that maybe they aren’t so happy about that.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/trump-iran-hack-campaign-00174002 political article]

*Kamala has declared that tackling inflation will be a Day One priority, but Day One for Kamala was 3½ years ago. Why hasn’t she done it? .‌‌.‌‌She's a critic. That's all she is.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trumps-economy-speech-veers-personal-attacks-harris-biden-rcna166652 NBC News article]

* Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&lt;br&gt;I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU! Chris, can we take a picture during our all-expenses-paid trip together?  I already have the PERFECT spot picked out in Mar-a-Lago to show it off!
* MEET TRUMP! ENTER TO WIN
**14 August 2024 mass E-mail sent out to a large number of people.  [https://politicalemails.org/messages/1521460 &quot;Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&quot;], PoliticalEmails.com (August 14, 2024) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBudZMFvcvY&amp;t=115s &quot;Trump Goes TOTALLY NUTS as his ENTIRE LIFE COLLAPSES&quot;], ''MeidasTouch'' (August 14, 2024)

*Miriam, I watched (Sheldon Adelson, her late husband) sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian, it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version. It’s actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor – that’s soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets, or they’re dead. She gets it and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman, and they’re rated equal.
**15 August 2024 [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-medal-of-honor/index.html Trump says civilian award is ‘much better’ than Medal of Honor]

* We’re talking about a thing called the economy.&lt;br&gt;We’re doing this as an intellectual speech.&lt;br&gt;We literally are a third world nation, we literally are a third-world nation. We’re a banana republic in so many ways, and we’re not going to let that happen because we’re starting a free fall.&lt;br&gt;For nearly four years Kamala has crackled as the American economy has burned.&lt;br&gt;What happened to her laugh? I haven’t heard that laugh in about a week. That’s why they keep her off the stage, that’s why she has disappeared.&lt;br&gt;That’s the laugh of a crazy person, I will tell you.  She’s crazy.&lt;br&gt;Incompetent socialist lunatic.&lt;br&gt;Kamabla.&lt;br&gt;Rape and murder, rape and beatings, rape and something else, and sometimes just immediate killing. These people are brutal. These are people that came out of the toughest jails anywhere in the world from all over the world, and we can’t take them.
**16 August 2024 per [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/14/trump-rally-north-carolina-rambling-economy-harris-crime/74798514007/ &quot;Trump's North Carolina speech went predictably off the rails. Can he even spell 'economy'?&quot;], ''USA today''

* I think I’m entitled to personal attacks.&lt;br&gt;Now you’ll say he ranted and raved […] I’m a very calm person, believe it or not.
**16 August 2024 from [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-fury-harris-switch-campaign-analysis/index.html &quot;Trump’s fury over Harris’ switch with Biden is increasingly driving his campaign&quot;], ''CNN'' 

* She actually called me ‘weird.  And she called JD and I ‘weird.’ He’s not weird, he was a great student at Yale.&lt;br&gt;We have this guy that’s running a failed, really a very failed state who’s had a terrible career.  I mean you have him saying, ‘They’re weird.’ No, he’s a weird guy, and she’s weird in her policy.
**16 August 2024 claim about Vice President of the USA Kamala Harris and Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz, quoted in [https://sg.news.yahoo.com/trump-denies-jd-vance-weird-040509909.html &quot;Trump Denies He And JD Vance Are Weird In The Weirdest Way Possible&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

*I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the '''Presidential Medal of Freedom'''.&lt;br&gt;That's the highest award you can get as a civilian.&lt;br&gt;'''It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian''' version.&lt;br&gt;It's actually much better because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers.&lt;br&gt;They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets or they are dead.&lt;br&gt;She gets it and she's a healthy, beautiful woman.&lt;br&gt;And they're '''rated equal''', but she got the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-medal-of-freedom-medal-of-honor/ &quot;Trump says Medal of Freedom &quot;equivalent&quot; to and &quot;much better&quot; than Medal of Honor, sparking backlash from veterans&quot;] ''CBS News'' (August 16, 2024) 

*Kamala will implement SOVIET Style Price Controls.  EVERY American will be taxed up to 80% of their income!&lt;br&gt;If Kamala is elected and implements her Communist Price Caps, there will be famine, starvation, and poverty, the likes of which we have never seen. America will NEVER recover!&lt;br&gt;Kamala Harris wants to raise your taxes and make you pay for free healthcare and free housing in luxury hotels for her millions of illegal aliens.
**16 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/kamala-harris-vs-trump-2668979250/ &quot;Donald Trump rants that 'famine' will come to America if Kamala Harris is elected&quot;], ''RawStory'' 

*Starting the day I take the oath of office, I will rapidly drive prices down, and we will make America affordable again.
**17 August 2024 At a rally in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-continues-personal-attacks-harris/story?id=112921505 Trump claims he's 'better looking,' continues personal attacks toward Harris] ''ABC News''

*I am much better looking than her.  I’m a better looking person than Kamala.&lt;br&gt;I say that I’m much better looking than her.  I had never heard that one. They said her biggest advantage was that she’s a beautiful-looking woman. Ha. I’d never thought of that.&lt;br&gt;I said, who am I running against, Harris? I said, ‘Who the hell is Harris?'&lt;br&gt;Joe Biden hates her.&lt;br&gt;They will say he’s rambling. I don’t ramble. I’m a really smart guy,
**18 August 2024 per  [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-im-better-looking-than-kamala-and-dont-say-i-ramble &quot;Trump: ‘I’m Better Looking than Kamala—and Don’t Say I Ramble’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

*You know, he said we’re weird.  That J.D. and I are weird. I think we’re extremely normal people.  We’re like you, we’re exactly like you.&lt;br&gt;He [Tim Walz] is weird.  Did you ever see him go on the stage and go, like, crazy? Between his movement and her laugh, there’s a lot of crazy. I’d say a step further than weird, weird is a nice word by comparison.
**19 August 2024 to a small crowd in York, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-insists-extremely-normal-during-204337061.html &quot;Trump Insists He’s “Extremely Normal” During Incredibly Weird Speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The New Republic''

*Prices will come down. You just watch: They’ll come down, and they’ll come down fast, not only with insurance, with everything…. Prices will come down and come down dramatically and come down fast.
**20 August 2024 from a recent speech in Asheville, North Carolina, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/20/business/trump-inflation-prices-deflation/index.html Trump promises to make prices plunge again. That’s a dangerous proposal] ''CNN''

*You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped, you get whatever it may be.
**21 August 2024 at a rally in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trumps-latest-claim-crime-real-224038664.html &quot;Trump's Latest Claim About Crime Is A Real Doozy&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* That was a coup, it was a vicious violent overthrow of a president of the United States.
**20 August 2024 about [[Joe Biden]] pulling out of the 2024 presidential election, quoted in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*We have a fool as a president.
**20 August 2024 cited in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*I think that women living in the suburbs—I keep hearing about ‘the suburban woman doesn’t like Trump,’ well, I think it’s a fake poll because why wouldn’t they like me? I keep the suburbs safe.
**202 August 2024 during a rally in a garage in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/185085/donald-trump-derails-speech-crime-complain-women &quot;Trump Derails Weird Speech on Crime to Complain Women Hate Him&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We're going to bring up electronics too. Electronics. We buy everything away. When you see the sophistication of the product I just saw at this place, electronics is peanuts.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.dailykos.com/story/2024/8/19/2264243/-Thanks-Joe-We-won-t-forget-who-was-POTUS-in-2020 &quot;Thanks, Joe. We won't forget who was POTUS in 2020&quot;], ''Daily Kos''

*Our primary focus is not to get out the vote, it is to make sure they don’t cheat. We have all the votes we’ll need. You can see it ... every house along the way has signs: Trump, Trump, Trump, Vance, Trump, Vance.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-focus-ensuring-democrats-dont-cheat-not-voter-turnout-rcna167630 &quot;Trump says his focus is ensuring Democrats 'don't cheat,' not voter turnout — echoing efforts to undermine election&quot;], ''NBC News''

*There will be no future under Comrade Kamala Harris, because she will take us into a Nuclear World War III , She will never be respected by the Tyrants of the World!
**23 August 2024 in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/23/trump-reaction-harris-dnc-speech &quot;Harris’s convention speech sparks live rant from outraged Trump&quot;], ''The Guardian''

*My Administration will be great for women and their reproductive rights.
**23 August 2024 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113012083325505976 Truth Social]

*Kamala Harris is the weakest presidential candidate in history on crime.&lt;br&gt;She’s allowed millions of people to pour through our borders, many from prisons, mental institutions and, indeed, terrorists, coming in at levels never seen before.&lt;br&gt;What gives her the right to run for president?&lt;br&gt;She got no votes to Biden’s fourteen million.&lt;br&gt;She failed in her previous attempt, was the first one out of twenty-two people to quit, never made it to Iowa, and now she’s a presidential candidate?&lt;br&gt;This is a '''threat to democracy'''!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2669023213/ &quot;'What gives her the right to run?' Trump launches overnight tirade at Kamala Harris&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 24, 2024)

*The truth is, they’re trying to get out of it because she doesn’t want to debate. She’s not a good debater, she’s not a smart person. She doesn’t want to debate.
**26 August 2024 in response to the Harris campaign‘s demand that their September 10th debate occur without muted microphones; in [https://nypost.com/2024/08/26/us-news/harris-campaign-urges-trump-to-take-abc-news-debate-without-muted-microphone/ &quot;Trump says Harris ‘trying to get out of’ debate over unmuted microphones demand&quot;] 

*15 stunning all-new digital trading cards, it's really something.  These cards show me dancing, even holding some BitCoins!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-digital-trading-cards-2669080783/ &quot;Trump revives widely mocked digital trading cards as Harris gains in polls&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 27, 2024)

*The Harris/Biden administration has been caught fraudulently manipulating job statistics to hide the true extent of the economic ruin that they’ve inflicted on America, Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the administration padded the numbers with an extra, listen to this one, 818,000 jobs that don’t exist.
**[https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2024/job-data-manipulated-fact-check/ &quot;Donald Trump falsely claimed that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris manipulated job data&quot;], ''Poynter'' (August 27, 2024)

* I think to a certain extent it’s Biden’s fault and Harris’s fault. And I’m the opponent. Look, they were weaponizing government against me, they brought in the whole DOJ to try and get me, they weren’t too interested in my health and safety,They’re saying I’m a threat to democracy,They would say that, that was standard line, just keep saying it, and you know that can get assassins or potential assassins going. That’s a terrible thing … Maybe that bullet is because of their rhetoric.
** With &quot;dr Phil&quot; [https://archive.ph/mamCT &quot;Trump, without evidence, in part faults Biden, Harris for assassination attempt&quot;], ''Washington Post'' (August 28, 2024)

*Well, I think the six-week (ban) is too short. It has to be more time. So…and I’ve told them that, I want more weeks. I am going to be voting that we need more than six weeks…. I believe in exceptions for life of the mother, —if you look— incest, rape.
** 29 August 2024 when asked how he was going to vote on the Florida amendment to overturn the six-week ban on abortion; in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-wants-make-ivf-treatments-paid-government-insurance-compani-rcna168804 &quot;Trump says he wants to make IVF treatments paid for by government or insurance companies if elected&quot;]

*I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for — or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for — all costs associated with IVF treatment. Because we want more babies, to put it nicely.
**30 August 2024 in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/we-want-more-babies-trump-promises-free-ivf-treatments-amid-abortion-rights-debate-says-us-government-will-pay-but-how/articleshow/112909996.cms 'We want more babies': Trump promises free IVF treatments amid abortion rights debate, says 'US government will pay' - But how?]

*I’ll be voting ’no’ for that reason&lt;br&gt;“’No’ on (Florida) Amendment 4?”&lt;br&gt;For that reason because it‘s radical. You talk about radical. Doing an abortion in the ninth month is unacceptable to anybody…. There‘s something in between, but the six (weeks) is too short, it‘s just too short a period and the nine months is unacceptable…. But for that reason, for the radicalization on the Democrats side, we‘re voting ’no’.&lt;br&gt;“…Would you veto a federal abortion ban?”&lt;br&gt;I‘m not going to have to think about it because it‘s working out so well right now. The states are doing it. It‘s a states issue…. Well, what‘s happening is you‘re never going to have to do it because it‘s being done by the states. The states are voting. And the people are now getting a chance to vote and this is the way everybody wanted it.
**30 August 2024 when asked about how he would vote on the Florida abortion amendment in the upcoming election in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pro-lifers-blast-trump-betrayal-shifting-abortion-stance-answer-florida-amendment-4 Pro-lifers blast Trump 'betrayal' with shifting abortion stance, answer on Florida Amendment 4]

*It’s crazy. Our country is being '''poisoned''', and your schools and your children are suffering greatly because they’re going into the classrooms, they’re taking the seats and they don’t even speak English.
**30 Aug 2024 quoted in [https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/aug/30/our-country-is-being-poisoned-trump-says-as-he-cou/ Washington Times article by Ali Swenson and Will Weissert]

* If you look at Kamala and you look at what she’s done to every place she’s touched has turned to s**t. Every single place she’s touched. I have to say, it. Every place she’s touched, you know?
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/melania-plea-trump-control-swearing-202341688.html &quot;Melania’s plea for Trump to control his swearing flops as he tears into Harris at rally&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (August 31, 2024)

* I don’t need publicity. I get a lot of publicity. I would like to get a lot less publicity.&lt;br&gt;I would hire a public relations agent to get less publicity.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/30/trump-pennsylvania-rally-arlington-cemetery-photo-op?utm_source=sdrn%3Avg%3Aarticle%3AJbnA66 &quot;Trump denies exploiting visit to US soldiers’ graves: ‘I don’t need publicity’&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (August 31, 2024)

*Now, they have Kamala who has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person. The way she treated [[Mike Pence]] was horrible. The way she treats people is horrible.
**31 August 2024 [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-saying-kamala-harris-was-horrible-mike-pence-mocked-1947392 Donald Trump Saying Kamala Harris Was 'Horrible' to Mike Pence Mocked]

====September 2024====
*you take a look at Venezuela as an example, the crime is down 72% because they've taken their criminals from Caracas, they've taken their drug dealers. They're emptying their prisons into our country
**[https://www.wtae.com/article/kamala-harris-donald-trump-pennsylvania-fact-check/62048503]
** [https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/crime-drop-in-venezuela-does-not-prove-trumps-claim-the-country-is-sending-criminals-to-u-s/ &quot;Crime Drop in Venezuela Does Not Prove Trump’s Claim the Country Is Sending Criminals to U.S.&quot;], ''FactCheck.org'' (June 14, 2024)

* I think you believe [in God] more, because when you speak to experts, like my sons who are shooting experts. But when you speak to experts, they said there was no chance that he could have missed from that distance....&lt;br&gt;I think you think like, if you believe in God, you believe in God more. And somebody said like, why? And I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country. Our country is so sick and it’s so broken. Our country is just broken. And maybe that was the reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, a lot of people have said that.
** Speaking about assassination attempt on July 14, 2024, in interview on Fox News “Life, Liberty &amp; Levin”, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4858345-trump-id-like-to-think-that-god-thinks-that-im-going-to-straighten-out-our-country/ &quot;Trump: ‘I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country’&quot;], ''The Hill'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RbQ2Gb2AG4 YouTube interview] (September 1, 2024)

*You just cannot let them have a nuclear weapon. But I will say this: If they do have a nuclear weapon, Israel is gone.
** [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202409014919 &quot;Trump says if Iran gets a nuke, 'Israel will be gone'&quot;], ''Iran International'' (September 1, 2024)

* Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it?
** [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-had-every-right-interfere-2020-election-2024-09-02/ &quot;Trump says he had 'every right' to interfere in 2020 election&quot;], ''CNN'' (September 2, 2024)

* You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is? I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together and it’s like, and friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.’ But the fake news, you know what they say? ‘He rambled.’
** [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/critics-call-hilarious-bs-donald-094722633.html &quot;Critics Call Hilarious BS On Donald Trump's New Brag About His Speeches&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (September 2, 2024)

* [About Project 2025:] I know nothing about it, and they know that, too. Democrats know that, and I purposely haven't read it because I want to say to you I don't, I have no idea what it's all about.&lt;br&gt;It's easier than saying I read it and you know, all of the things. No, I purposely haven't read it, and I've heard about it.&lt;br&gt;I've heard about things that are in there that I don't like, and there's some things in there that everybody would like, but there are things that I don't like at all.
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-project-2025-2669122309/ &quot;Trump says ‘purposefully’ hasn’t read Project 2025 — but everybody would like parts of it&quot;], ''RawStory'' (September 3, 2024)

*But I’ve done well with debates. I became president, and then the second time I got millions more votes than I got the first time. I was told if I got 63 million … you would win. You can’t not win. And I got millions of more votes than that and lost by a whisker but— and look at what happened with the world.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lex-fridman-podcast-interview-b2606533.html Trump admits he lost 2020 election ‘by a whisker’ during Lex Fridman podcast], ''Independent'' (September 3, 2024) &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCbfTN-caFI Donald Trump Interview - Lex Fridman Podcast #442]&quot; (at 10m51s), Lex Fridman, 3 September 2024.

* I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY.  REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED!
** Claimed about a court order to stop repeatedly intimidating witnesses and attacking family members of a judge in a felony court case, quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/i-am-proud-to-represent-our-failing-nation-trump-melts-down-in-early-morning-court-rant/ar-AA1pZ1jo &quot;'I am proud to represent our failing nation': Trump melts down in early morning court rant&quot;], ''MSN / Raw Story'' (September 4, 2024)

*I’ve been preparing all my life for this debate.
**Referring to his upcoming September 10th debate with Kamala Harris, in [https://www.wbtw.com/news/washington-dc-news/harris-and-trump-court-voters-ahead-of-first-debate/ Harris and Trump court voters ahead of first debate], ''News13 WBTW'' (September 4, 2024)

* [Asked about what specific legislation Trump would advance to make child care affordable:] Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, and I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio, and my daughter Ivanka was so impactful on that issue. It’s a very important issue. But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about, that, because, look, child care is child care is. It’s, couldn’t, you know, there’s something, you have to have it. In this country you have to have it.  But when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers that I’m talking about by taxing foreign nations at levels that they’re not used to — but they’ll get used to it very quickly – and it’s not gonna stop them from doing business with us, but they’ll have a very substantial tax when they send product into our country. Those numbers are so much bigger than any numbers that we’re talking about, including child care, that it’s going to take care.  We’re gonna have — I, I look forward to having no deficits within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions that I told you about on waste and fraud and all of the other things that are going on in our country, because I have to stay with child care. I want to stay with child care, but those numbers are small relative to the kind of economic numbers that I’m talking about, including growth, but growth also headed up by what the plan is that I just, that I just told you about.  We’re gonna be taking in trillions of dollars, and as much as child care is talked about as being expensive, it’s relatively speaking not very expensive compared to the kind of numbers we’ll be taking in. We’re going to make this into an incredible country that can afford to take care of its people, and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people. But we’re going to take care of our country first. This is about America first. It’s about Make America Great Again. We have to do it because right now we’re a failing nation, so we’ll take care of it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-childcare-economy-speech-b2607970.html &quot;Trump tried to explain how he plans to make childcare more affordable. It was a word salad&quot;], ''Independent'' (September 6, 2024)&lt;!--Quoted by several other sources, such as ''All In with Chris Hayes'', https://www.rawstory.com/trump-decline/, see video here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?538141-1/fmr-pres-trump-remarks-economic-club-york--&gt;

* But the transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what's going to happen with your child. And you know, many of these childs [sic] 15 years later say, 'What the hell happened? Who did this to me?' They say, 'Who did this to me?' It's incredible.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-schools-transgender-surgeries/ &quot;Trump's Claim That Children Received Gender-Affirming Surgeries at School Is False&quot;], ''Snopes'' (September 5, 2024)

* As the first order of business, this commission will develop an action plan to totally eliminate fraud and improper payments within six months, saving trillions of dollars
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/technology/elon-musk-donald-trump-influence.html How Elon Musk Is Influencing Donald Trump], ''New York Times'' (September 6, 2024)

* [On the likelihood of him sexually abusing a woman in 1979:] She said I was making out with her and then I grabbed her in a certain part. Think of the impracticality of this. I'm famous in a plane, people are coming into the plane and I grab a woman - what are the chances of that happening? Frankly, I know you're going to say it's a terrible thing to say but it couldn't have happened, it didn't happen because she would not have been the chosen one.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/147957/donald-trump-e-jean-carroll-court-appeal Trump declares E. Jean Carroll 'not the chosen one' in bizarre rant following court appeal], ''Daily Express US'' [https://youtube.com/watch?v=mFdzWJXPYbo Trump mocks his sexual assault accuser: ‘She would not have been the chosen one’], MSNBC YouTube (September 6, 2024)

*I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III!
**[https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-loses-it-on-the-cheneys-after-they-endorse-harris-irrelevant-rino-along-with-his-daughter/ Trump Loses It on the Cheneys After They Endorse Harris: ‘Irrelevant RINO, Along with His Daughter!’] ''Mediaite'' [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113093196894480530] (September 6, 2024)

* I better win, I better win, or you're going to have problems like we've never had.  We may have no country left. It may be our last election.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-claims-israel-gone-two-years-harris-elected-president-video &quot;Trump claims Israel will be 'gone' within two years if Harris is elected president: video&quot;], ''Fox News'' (September 7, 2024)

*WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again.&lt;br&gt;Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, &amp; Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-threatens-long-prison-sentences-for-those-who-cheat-in-the-election-if-he-wins Trump threatens long prison sentences for those who ‘cheat’ in the election if he wins], ''PBS News'' (September 8, 2024)

*The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime, and I will sign their pardons on day one. With your vote this election, their lying, cheating, thieving, hoaxing, and plotting will come to an end. We got to stop the cheating. If we stop that cheating, if we don't let them cheat, I don't even have to campaign anymore. We're going to win by so much.
**At a rally in Wisconsin on Saturday, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cnc/date/2024-09-09/segment/07 CNN News Central Transcripts] (September 9, 2024)

* Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation.  Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country?
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-falsely-claims-children-being-195728811.html &quot;Trump falsely claims children being forced into gender transition ops at school in rambling fantasy-filled rally speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (September 9, 2024)

* I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/15/trump-says-i-hate-taylor-swift-after-pop-star-endorses-kamala-harris.html &quot;Trump says ‘I hate Taylor Swift’ after pop star endorses Kamala Harris&quot;], ''CNBC'' (September  15, 2024)

* Latin music superstar Nicky Jam. Do you know Nicky? She’s hot. 
** Claimed about the singer after he endorsed Trump, quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/09/15/donald-trump-nicky-jam-las-vegas-rally/75237185007/ &quot;Donald Trump misgenders reggaeton star Nicky Jam at rally: 'She's hot'&quot;], ''USA Today'' (September 16, 2024)

*We have to call it Covid. What the hell does Covid mean. The China virus. A lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/148953/trump Trump pushes theory that 'China created Covid-19 because they didn't like his presidency'] (September 17, 2024)

*I don't know what happened. With the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants, and that's a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town, and now they're going through hell.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-life-in-springfield-has-been-disrupted-by-lies-about-its-haitian-community How life in Springfield has been disrupted by lies about its Haitian community], ''PBS News'' (17 September, 2024)

* We have Bagram in Alaska.
** [https://alaskabeacon.com/briefs/at-town-hall-trump-mixes-up-alaska-and-afghanistan-with-confusing-remarks-on-oil/ &quot;At town hall, Trump mixes up Alaska and Afghanistan with confusing remarks on oil&quot;] ''Alaska Beacon'' (September 18, 2024)

* Nobody can draw crowds like me... I’m the greatest of all time.  Maybe greater even than Elvis. Elvis had a guitar, I don’t have a guitar. I don’t have the privilege of a guitar.
** [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/donald-trump-boasts-he-is-greater-than-elvis/ar-AA1qPeXs &quot;Donald Trump boasts he is ‘greater than Elvis’&quot;], ''MSN'' (September 19, 2024)

*She doesn’t like doing interviews. And she’s not knowledgeable about economy and various things, and I think it would be a problem. But you know what? [Biden] was pretty much gone. They said, 'Joe, it’s over. You're getting out.' And they put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than he did. But I can't imagine it can last.
**During an appearance on Fox News’ ''Gutfeld!'', [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-seemed-surprised-kamala-200648284.html Donald Trump Just Made An Eyebrow-Raising Observation About Kamala Harris], ''Yahoo News'' (September 19, 2024)

* This is Martin Luther King on steroids.  I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you're better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.'
** Said about candidate for North Carolina governor [[Mark Robinson (American politician)|Mark Robinson]], quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/robinson-expected-attend-trumps-north-carolina-rally-amid/story?id=113873656 &quot;Robinson not expected to attend Trump's North Carolina rally amid scandal: Sources&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 21, 2024)

* Anybody that thinks crime is going down is a serious brain problem.
** [https://www.scrippsnews.com/us-news/crime/murder-other-violent-crime-rates-dropped-across-us-last-year-new-fbi-data-shows &quot;Murder, other violent crime rates dropped across US last year, new FBI data shows&quot;], ''Scripps News'' (September 23, 2024)

* She had the other interview with the other guy who was a nice guy I think from Philadelphia from Pennsylvania, he was a nice guy, he was asking her all these (scrambles words) – the daily take – they don’t take like I do! Anybody wants to go, go what the hell differences they make – they have – and how dishonest was ABC.
* I'm cognitively very strong.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-teased-over-rambling-word-120404261.html &quot;Trump teased over rambling ‘word salad’ at rally as he insists he is 'cognitively very strong'&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The Independent'' (September 24, 2024)

* If any senior doesn't vote for Trump, we're gonna have to send you to a psychiatrist to have your head examined.
** [https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-tells-another-group-of-voters-to-have-your-head-examined/ &quot;Trump Tells ANOTHER Group of Voters to 'Have Your Head Examined'&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (September 25, 2024)

* Has there EVER been a WORSE HOST than Jimmy Kimmel at The Oscars. His opening was that of a less than average person trying too hard to be something which he is not, and never can be.
* I said, ‘He’s one of the dumbest human beings ever.’ He should have listened to his wife. What a dope.
** [https://www.thewrap.com/jimmy-kimmel-live-trump-dumbest-human-being-response/ &quot;Jimmy Kimmel Claps Back at Trump Calling Him ‘One of the Dumbest Human Beings Ever’: ‘He’s Confusing Me With One of His Sons’&quot;] ''The Wrap'' (September 25, 2024)

*If I were the president, I would inform the threatening country, in this case, Iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. We're going to blow it to smithereens. There would be no more threats.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-lashes-iran-security-officials-warn-rise-foreign/story?id=114086967 &quot;Trump suggests Iran tied to assassination attempts, issues blunt warning&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 26, 2024)

*It has been determined that Google has illegally used a system of only revealing and displaying bad stories about Donald J Trump, some made up for this purpose while, at the same time, only revealing good stories about Comrade Kamala Harris. This is an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and hopefully the Justice Department will criminally prosecute them for this blatant Interference of Elections. If not, and subject to the Laws of our Country, I will request their prosecution, when I win the Election and become President of the United States.
**From a post on ''Truth Social'', cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/sep/27/trump-google-threat-criminal-charges Trump vows to seek criminal charges against Google if re-elected president], ''The Guardian'' (September 28, 2024)
*Crooked Joe Biden became mentally impaired, Sad. But lying Kamala Harris, honestly, I believe she was born that way. There’s something wrong with Kamala. And I just don’t know what it is but there is definitely something missing. And you know what, everybody knows it.
**[https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-there-s-something-wrong-with-harris-and-that-she-s-mentally-impaired-1.7056321 &quot;Trump says there's 'something wrong' with Harris and that she's 'mentally impaired'] ''CTV News / Associated Press'' (September 29, 2024)

====1st Debate with Kamala Harris (September 10, 2024)====

*&lt;i&gt;in response to Kamala Harris bringing up Project 2025:&lt;/I&gt;&lt;Br&gt;…she knows better than anyone, I have nothing to do with Project 2025. That's out there. I haven't read it. I don't want to read it, purposely. I'm not going to read it. This was a group of people that got together, they came up with some ideas. I guess some good, some bad. But it makes no difference. I have nothing to do -- everybody knows I'm an open book. Everybody knows what I'm going to do. Cut taxes very substantially. And create a great economy like I did before.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;regarding inflation during the Biden presidency:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;I had no inflation,&lt;/b&gt; virtually no inflation, they had the highest inflation, perhaps in the history of our country because I've never seen a worse period of time. &lt;b&gt;People can't go out and buy cereal bacon or eggs or anything else.&lt;/b&gt; These the people of our country are absolutely dying with what they've done. They've destroyed the economy and all you have to do it look at a poll. The polls say 80 and 85 and even 90% that the Trump economy was great that their economy was terrible.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*We hardly make chips anymore because of philosophies like they have and policies like they have. I don't say her because she has no policy. Everything that she believed three years ago and four years ago is out the window. She's going to my philosophy now. In fact, I was going to send her a MAGA hat. She's gone to my philosophy. But if she ever got elected, she'd change it. And it will be the end of our country. &lt;b&gt;She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But when you look at what she's done to our country and when you look at these &lt;b&gt;millions and millions of people that are pouring into our country monthly&lt;/b&gt; where it's I believe 21 million people, not the 15 that people say, and I think it's a lot higher than the 21. That's bigger than New York state. Pouring in. And just look at what they're doing to our country. They're criminals. Many of these people coming in are criminals. And that's bad for our economy too.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …Vice President Harris says that women shouldn't trust you on the issue of abortion because you've changed your position so many times. Therefore, why should they trust you?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, the reason I'm doing that vote [voting “no” on the Florida abortion ban] is because the plan is, as you know, the vote is, they have abortion in the ninth month. They even have, and you can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia, not the current governor, who's doing an excellent job, but the governor before. He said the baby will be born and we will decide what to do with the baby. In other words, we'll execute the baby.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But her vice presidential pick [Tim Walz] says abortion in the ninth month is absolutely fine. &lt;b&gt;He also says execution after birth, it's execution, no longer abortion, because the baby is born, is okay.&lt;/b&gt; And that's not okay with me. Hence the vote. But what I did is something for 52 years they've been trying to get Roe v. Wade into the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And now states are voting on it. And for the first time you're going to see -- look, this is an issue that's torn our country apart for 52 years. Every legal scholar, every Democrat, every Republican, liberal, conservative, they all wanted this issue to be brought back to the states where the people could vote. And that's what happened, happened.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …But understand, if Donald Trump were to be re-elected, he will sign a national abortion ban….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I’m not signing a ban. And there's no reason to sign a ban. Because we've gotten what everybody wanted. Democrats, Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states. And the states are voting. And it may take a little time, but for 52 years this issue has torn our country apart. And they've wanted it back in the states. And I did something that nobody thought was possible. The states are now voting. What she says is an absolute lie. And as far as the abortion ban, no, I'm not in favor of abortion ban. But it doesn't matter because this issue has now been taken over by the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …You will see during the course of his rallies he talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. &lt;b&gt;People don't go to her rallies.&lt;/b&gt; There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, &lt;b&gt;she's busing them in and paying them to be there.&lt;/b&gt; And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. &lt;b&gt;We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics.&lt;/b&gt; That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. &lt;b&gt;We're a failing nation.  And it happened three and a half years ago.&lt;/b&gt; And what, what's going on here, &lt;b&gt;you're going to end up in World War 3,&lt;/b&gt; just to go into another subject. What they have done to our country by allowing these millions and millions of people to come into our country. And look at what's happening to the towns all over the United States. And a lot of towns don't want to talk -- not going to be Aurora or Springfield. A lot of towns don't want to talk about it because they're so embarrassed by it. &lt;b&gt;In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.&lt;/b&gt; And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame….&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;DAVID MUIR: I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio. And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Well, I've seen people on television&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Let me just say here this ...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.&lt;/b&gt; So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;*&lt;b&gt;We'll find out.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But just to finish, I got more votes than any Republican in history by far. In fact, I got more votes than any president, sitting president in history by far.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You also said you would use local police. How would you deport 11 million undocumented immigrants? I know you believe that number is much higher….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; Yeah. It is much higher because of them. They allowed criminals. Many, many, millions of criminals. They allowed terrorists. They allowed common street criminals. They allowed people to come in, drug dealers, to come into our country, and they're now in the United States. And told by their countries like Venezuela don't ever come back or we're going to kill you. Do you know that crime in Venezuela and crime in countries all over the world is way down? You know why? Because they've taken their criminals off the street and they've given them to her to put into our country. And this will be one of the greatest mistakes in history for them to allow -- and I think they probably did it because they think they're going to get votes. But it's not worth it. Because they're destroying the fabric of our country by what they've done. There's never been anything done like this at all. They've destroyed the fabric of our country. Millions of people let in. And all over the world crime is down. All over the world except here. Crime here is up and through the roof. Despite their fraudulent statements that they made. Crime in this country is through the roof. And we have a new form of crime. It's called migrant crime. And it's happening at levels that nobody thought possible.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: President Trump, as you know, the FBI says overall violent crime is actually coming down in this country, but Vice President the...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me, the FBI -- they were defrauding statements. They didn't include the worst cities. They didn't include the cities with the worst crime. It was a fraud. Just like their number of 818,000 jobs that they said they created turned out to be a fraud.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris listing the criminal cases against Trump:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me. Every one of those cases was started by them against their political opponent. And I'm winning most of them and I'll win the rest on appeal. And you saw that with the decision that came down just recently from the Supreme Court. I'm winning most of them. But those are cases, it's called weaponization. Never happened in this country. They weaponized the justice department. Every one of those cases was involved with the DOJ, from Atlanta and Fani Willis -- to the attorney general of New York and the D.A. In New York. Every one of those cases. And then they say oh, he was -- he's a criminal. They're the ones that made them go after me. By the way, Joe Biden was found essentially guilty on the documents case. And what happened in my documents case? They said oh, that's the toughest of them all. A complete and total victory. Two months ago it was thrown out. It's weaponization. And they used it. And it's never happened in this country. They used it to try and win an election. They're fake cases….&lt;br&gt;…This is the one that weaponized. Not me. She weaponized. I probably took a bullet to the head because of the things that they say about me. They talk about democracy. I'm a threat to democracy. They're the threat to democracy – With the fake Russia Russia Russia investigation that went nowhere.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris‘ statement that he inherited $400 million:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, first of all, I wasn't given $400 million. I wish I was. My father was a Brooklyn builder. Brooklyn, Queens. And a great father and I learned a lot from him. But I was given a fraction of that, a tiny fraction, and I built it into many, many billions of dollars. Many, many billions. And when people see it, they are even surprised. So, we don't have to talk about that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She went out -- she went out in Minnesota and wanted to let criminals that killed people, that burned down Minneapolis, she went out and raised money to get them out of jail. She did things that nobody would ever think of. Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison. This is a radical left liberal that would do this. She wants to confiscate your guns and she will never allow fracking in Pennsylvania. If she won the election, fracking in Pennsylvania will end on day one.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*Because &lt;b&gt;the prices of energy were quadrupling and doubling.&lt;/b&gt; You saw what happened to gasoline. So, they said let’s go back to Trump. But if she won the election, the day after that election, they’ll go back to destroying our country and oil will be dead, fossil fuel will be dead. We’ll go back to windmills and we’ll go back to solar, where they need a whole desert to get some energy to come out. You ever see a solar plant? By the way, I’m a big fan of solar. But they take 400, 500 acres of desert soil— These are not good things for the environment that she understands.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You were the president. You were watching [the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol] unfold on television. It’s a very simple question as we move forward toward another election. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? Yes or no.&lt;br&gt;&lt;/i&gt;I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech. I showed up for a speech. I said, I think it’s going to be big. I went to Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington, D.C. And the mayor put it back in writing, as you know. I said, you know, this is going to be a very big rally or whatever you want to call it. And again, it wasn’t done by me. It was done by others. I said I’d like to give you 10,000 National Guard or soldiers. They rejected me. Nancy Pelosi rejected me. It was just two weeks ago, her daughter has a tape of her saying she is fully responsible for what happened. They want to get rid of that tape. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their jobs. &lt;b&gt;I wasn’t responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn’t do her job.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Are you now acknowledging that you lost in 2020?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;No, I don’t acknowledge that at all.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But you did say that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I said that sarcastically. You know that. It was said, oh we lost by a whisker. That was said sarcastically. Look, there’s so much proof. All you have to do is look at it. And they should have sent it back to the legislatures for approval. I got almost 75 million votes. The most votes any sitting president has ever gotten. I was told if I got 63, which was what I got in 2016, you can’t be beaten. The election, people should never be thinking about an election as fraudulent. We need two things. We need walls. We need — and we have to have it. We have to have borders. And we have to have good elections.&lt;br&gt;Our elections are bad. And a lot of these illegal immigrants coming in, they’re trying to get them to vote. They can’t even speak English. They don’t even know what country they’re in practically. And these people are trying to get them to vote. And that’s why they’re allowing them to come into our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And [many judges] said there was no widespread [election] fraud.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; No judge looked at it. They said we didn’t have standing. That’s the other thing. They said we didn’t have standing. A technicality. Can you imagine a system where a person in an election doesn’t have standing, the President of the United States doesn’t have standing? That’s how we lost. If you look at the facts, and I’d love to have you — you’ll do a special on it. I’ll show you Georgia and I’ll show you Wisconsin and I’ll show you Pennsylvania and I’ll show you — we have so many facts and statistics. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because we have to solve the problem that we have right now. That’s old news. And the problem that we have right now is we have a nation in decline and they have put it into decline. We have a nation that is dying, David
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …And world leaders are laughing at Donald Trump. I have talked with military leaders, some of whom worked with you. And they say you’re a disgrace….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I’ll give you one minute to respond, Mr. President.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Let me just tell you about world leaders. Viktor Orban, one of the most respected men — they call him a strong man. He’s a tough person. Smart. Prime Minister of Hungary. They said why is the whole world blowing up? Three years ago it wasn’t. Why is it blowing up? He said because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid. And I don’t like to use the word afraid but I’m just quoting him. China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him. Look at what’s going on with North Korea, by the way. He said Russia was afraid of him….&lt;br&gt;Look, Viktor Orban said it. He said the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump. We had no problems when Trump was president. But when this weak pathetic man that you saw at a debate just a few months ago that if he weren’t in that debate he’d be running instead of her, she got no votes, he got 14 million votes, what you did, you talk about a threat to democracy. He got 14 million votes [in the primaries] and they threw him out of office. And you know what? I’ll give you a little secret. He hates her. He can’t stand her…. But he had 14 million votes. They threw them out. She got zero votes. And when she ran, she was the first one to leave because she failed. And now she’s running. I don’t understand it but I’m okay with it – because I think we’re going to do pretty well.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: President Trump, how would you negotiate with Netanyahu and also Hamas in order to get the hostages out and prevent the killing of more innocent civilians in Gaza?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;If I were president it would have never started. If I were president Russia would have never, ever -- I know Putin very well. He would have never -- and there was no threat of it either, by the way, for four years. Have gone into Ukraine and killed millions of people when you add it up.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She hates Israel. &lt;b&gt;If she's president, I believe that Israel will not exist within two years from now. And I've been pretty good at predictions.&lt;/b&gt; And I hope I'm wrong about that one. She hates Israel. At the same time in her own way she hates the Arab population because the whole place is going to get blown up, Arabs, Jewish people, Israel. Israel will be gone. It would have never happened. Iran was broke under Donald Trump. Now Iran has $300 billion because they took off all the sanctions that I had. Iran had no money for Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the 28 different spheres of terror. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And I'll get the war with Ukraine and Russia ended. If I'm President-Elect, I'll get it done before even becoming president.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …It is well known that he said of Putin that he can do whatever the hell he wants and go into Ukraine. It is well known when that he said when Russia went into Ukraine it was brilliant….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;They're the ones -- and she's the one that caused it, that's weak on national security by allowing every nation last month for the year, 168 different countries sending people into our country. Their crime rates are way down. Putin endorsed her last week. Said I hope she wins. And I think he meant it. Because what he's gotten away with is absolutely incredible. It wouldn't have happened with me.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …You have said you would solve this war [in Ukraine] in 24 hours. How exactly would you do that? And I want to ask you a very simple question tonight. Do you want Ukraine to win this war?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I want to get the war settled. I know Zelenskyy very well and I know Putin very well. I have a good relationship. And they respect your president. Okay? They respect me. They don't respect Biden….&lt;br&gt;If I win, when I'm President-Elect, and what I'll do is I'll speak to one, I'll speak to the other, I'll get them together. That war would have never happened. And in fact when I saw Putin after I left, unfortunately left because our country has gone to hell, but after I left when I saw him building up soldiers, he did it after I left, I said oh, he must be negotiating. It must be a good strong point of negotiation. Well, it wasn't because Biden had no idea how to talk to him. He had no idea how to stop it. And now you have millions of people dead and it's only getting worse and it could lead to World War 3. Don't kid yourself, David. We're playing with World War 3. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And we have a president that we don't even know if he's -- where is our president? We don't even know if he's a president.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And just to clarify here.&lt;/I&gt;&lt;br&gt;They threw him out of a campaign like a dog. We don't even know, is he our president? But we have a president…&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Mr. President,--&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…that doesn't know he's alive.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …If Donald Trump were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Putin would be sitting in Moscow and he wouldn't have lost 300,000 men and women. But he would have been sitting in Moscow… But eventually, you know, he's got a thing that other people don't have. &lt;b&gt;He's got nuclear weapons. They don't ever talk about that. He's got nuclear weapons. Nobody ever thinks about that.&lt;/b&gt; And eventually uh maybe he'll use them. Maybe he hasn't been that threatening. But he does have that. Something we don't even like to talk about.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And that's the kind of talent we have with her. She's worse than Biden. In my opinion, I think he's the worst president in the history of our country. She goes down as the worst vice president in the history of our country. But let me tell you something. She is a horrible negotiator. They sent her in to negotiate. As soon as they left Putin did the invasion.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: [Regarding a peace deal Trump negotiated to end the Afghan War:] He bypassed the Afghan government. He negotiated directly with a terrorist organization called the Taliban. The negotiation involved the Taliban getting 5,000 terrorists, Taliban terrorists released.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;So if you take a look at that period of time, the Taliban was killing our soldiers, a lot of them, with snipers. And I got involved with the Taliban because the Taliban was doing the killing. That's the fighting force within Afghanistan. They don't bother doing that because you know, they deal with the wrong people all the time. But I got involved. And Abdul is the head of the Taliban. He is still the head of the Taliban. And I told Abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you're going to have problems. And he said why do you send me a picture of my house? I said you're going to have to figure that out, Abdul. And for 18 months we had nobody killed. We did have an agreement negotiated by Mike Pompeo. It was a very good agreement. The reason it was good, it was -- we were getting out. We would have been out faster than them, but we wouldn't have lost the soldiers. We wouldn't have left many Americans behind. And we wouldn't have left -- we wouldn't have left $85 billion worth of brand new beautiful military equipment behind. And just to finish, they blew it. The agreement said you have to do this, this, this, this, this, and they didn't do it. They didn't do it. The agreement was, was terminated by us because they didn't do what they were supposed to do.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …Why do you believe it's appropriate to weigh in on the racial identity of your opponent?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't. And I don't care. I don't care what she is. I don't care. You make a big deal out of something. I couldn't care less. Whatever she wants to be is okay with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But those were your words. So, I'm asking --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And, I'll say that. And then I read that she was black. And that's okay. Either one was okay with me. That's up to her. That's up to her.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …Let's remember, this is the same individual who took out a full-page ad in The New York Times calling for the execution of five young Black and Latino boys who were innocent, the Central Park Five. Took out a full-page ad calling for their execution….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;This is the most divisive presidency in the history of our country. There's never been anything like it. They're destroying our country. And they come up with things like what she just said going back many, many years when a lot of people including Mayor Bloomberg agreed with me on the Central Park Five. They admitted -- they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty -- then they pled we're not guilty.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;b&gt;I built one of the greatest economies in the history of the world and I'm going to build it again.&lt;/b&gt; It's going to be bigger, better and stronger. But they're destroying our economy. They have no idea what a good economy is. Their oil policies -- every single policy -- and remember this. She is Biden. She's trying to get away from Biden. I don't know the gentleman, she says. She is Biden. The worst inflation we've ever had. A horrible economy because inflation has made it so bad and she can't get away with that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She is destroying our country. She has a plan to defund the police. She has a plan to confiscate everybody's gun. She has a plan to not allow fracking in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. That's what her plan is until just recently.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …So tonight, nine years after you first started running, do you have a [healthcare] plan and can you tell us what it is?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Obamacare was lousy health care. Always was. It's not very good today. And what I said, that if we come up with something, we are working on things, we're going to do it and we're going to replace it…. And what we will do is we're looking at different plans. If we can come up with a plan that's going to cost our people, our population less money and be better health care than Obamacare, then I would absolutely do it. But until then I'd run it as good as it can be run.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I have concepts of a plan. I'm not president right now. But if we come up with something I would only change it if we come up with something better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Closing Statement:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…We're a failing nation. We're a nation that's in serious decline. We're being laughed at all over the world. All over the world, they laugh, I know the leaders very well. They're coming to see me. They call me. We're laughed at all over the world. They don't understand what happened to us as a nation. We're not a leader. We don't have any idea what's going on. We have wars going on in the Middle East. We have wars going on with Russia and Ukraine. We're going to end up in a third World War. And it will be a war like no other because of nuclear weapons, the power of weaponry. I rebuilt our entire military. She gave a lot of it away to the Taliban. She gave it to Afghanistan. What these people have done to our country, and maybe toughest of all is allowing millions of people to come into our country, many of them are criminals, and they're destroying our country. The worst president, the worst vice president in the history of our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*It was 3 on 1, but they were mentally challenged people, against one person of extraordinary genius.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/abc-fake-news-trump-rages-network-under-investigation-after-debate-3-mentally-challenged-people-on-1-extraordinary-genius/]

*They didn't correct her [Harris] once and they corrected me. Everything I said, practically, I think 9 times or 11 times. And the audience was absolutely, they went crazy. And the real, I thought, I walked off and I said, 'that was a great debate, I loved it.'
**Regarding the debate audience (which there wasn‘t one), [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-praises-nonexistent-debate-crowd-they-went-crazy-1956251 Donald Trump's Debate Crowd Comment Sparks Confusion: 'They Went Crazy'], ''Newsweek'' (September 19, 2024)

==== October 2024 ====
* We do a lot of these beautiful rallies, and it's so great.  We never have an empty seat, never have. Look at it.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rally-videos-empty-seats-1966810 &quot;Donald Trump Rally Videos Show Hundreds of Empty Seats&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 10, 2024)

*We have two enemies: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia and all these countries… But the thing that's tougher to handle are these lunatics that we have inside, like Adam Schiff — Adam 'Shifty' Schiff… I call him the enemy from within. When you look at the danger he put our country in potentially with Russia — with a phony, made-up deal that he made up with Hillary and some bad people.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-president-trump-calls-enemy-within-more-dangerous-any-foreign-entity Former President Trump calls the 'enemy from within' more dangerous than any foreign entity] ''FoxNews'' (October 13, 2024)

*So we’re gonna take care of it, you and me. I’ll tell you, if everything works out and everybody gets out on January 5th, or before. You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re gonna straighten it all out. We’re gonna straighten that out, too. We’re gonna straighten out our election process, too. That’s gotta be important also.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/whoops-trump-tells-supporters-to-get-out-and-vote-on-january-5th/ Whoops! Trump Tells Supporters to Get Out and Vote on ‘January 5th’] ''Mediaite'' (October 14, 2024)

*Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ar-AA1sha0E Trump sways and bops to music for 39 minutes in bizarre town hall episode] ''The Washington Post'' (October 14, 2024)

*To me, the most beautiful word in the dictionary is tariff, and it’s my favorite word. It needs a public relations firm.
**[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-10-15/in-trump-s-economic-plan-tariff-is-the-most-beautiful-word In Trump’s Economic Plan, Tariff Is ‘the Most Beautiful Word’] ‘’Bloomberg News’’ (October 15, 2024)

* I’m the father of IVF.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/10/16/politics/fact-check-trump-false-claims-fox-townhall/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump makes at least 19 false claims in one-hour Fox town hall with women&quot;], ''CNN'' (October 16, 2024)

* [[w:Ashli Babbitt | Ashli Babbitt]] was killed, nobody was killed.
** Claimed about the [[2021 United States Capitol attack| January 6, 2020 United States Capitol attack]].  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-univision-town-hall-hispanic-voters-audience-reaction-1970402 &quot;Univision Audience Reaction to Donald Trump Answer in Town Hall Goes Viral&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 17, 2024)

*Very importantly, you had hundreds of thousands of people come to Washington [on January 6th]. They didn’t come because of me. They came because of the election. They thought the election was a rigged election and that’s why they came. Some of those people went down to the Capitol, I said, peacefully and patriotically, nothing done wrong at all. Nothing done wrong. And action was taken, strong action. Ashli Babbitt was killed. Nobody was killed. There were no guns down there. We didn’t have guns. The others had guns, but we didn’t have guns. And when I say “we” these are people that walk down, this was a tiny percentage of the overall, which nobody sees and nobody shows.&lt;br&gt;But that was a day of love from the standpoint of the millions, it’s like hundreds of thousands. It could have been the largest group I’ve ever spoken before. They asked me to speak. I went and I spoke and I used the term peacefully and patriotically. If you look at the Democrats, what they say, you look at Maxine Waters, and you look at Hillary Clinton and you look at what they say and they don’t put that on. They only put Republicans on, but they couldn’t get me because of the fact that I said, everything’s got to be peaceful and patriotic and we’ll see how it all works out.
**In response to a question about why a voter should support Trump after his role on January 6th [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/trump-town-hall-on-univision Trump Town Hall on Univision] (October 17, 2024)

*Kamala should be investigated and forced off the Campaign, and Joe Biden allowed to take back his rightful place (He got 14 Million Primary Votes, she got none!). THIS WHOLE SORDID AND FRAUDULENT EVENT IS A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!
**As it appeared on Truth Social, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-melts-down-in-wild-post-claiming-kamala-harris-should-be-investigated-and-biden-should-be-his-opponent-again/ Trump Melts Down In Wild Post Claiming Kamala Harris ‘Should Be Investigated’ And Biden Should Be His Opponent Again] Mediaite (October 17, 2024)

* We have another former New York City mayor with us. Frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it's not [[Michael Bloomberg|Michael]], that I can tell you. I'm surprised that [[Bill de Blasio|Bill de Blasio]] was actually able to make it tonight, to be honest. He was a terrible mayor. I don't give a shit if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible mayor. He did a horrible job. That's not comedy, by the way. That's fact.
** Al Smith dinner (October 17, 2024)

* If we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.&lt;br&gt;They want to do things like no more cows and no windows in buildings.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4941581-trump-says-no-cows-under-harris/ &quot;Trump tells child there will be no cows under Harris&quot;], ''The Hill'' (October 18, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Howard Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; But when you said, you know, it's gone viral, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't know if it's true or not true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; You don't know if it's true or not true. It's been debunked by the officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; What about the goose? The geese? They're all missing. It was one guy with two geese. I have no idea. I said something. The big problem is that you can't put 30,000 people into a 50,000-person town or city and expect this city to even survive or do well. What they've done to Springfield, Ohio, is very, very unfair. And I mean, there are a lot of stories. There are a lot of other stories that I've heard that are horrible stories... Don't don't, you know, blame me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; Well, I think it's been debunked by local officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't think it's been debunked at all. I think nobody talks about it except you.
*If radical left lunatics disrupt the election, it should be very easily handled by — if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military.
**Interview with Fox New host Howard Kurtz in [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-haitians-debunked/ 'It's been debunked': Fox News host fact checks Trump to his face on Springfield Haitians] ''RawStory'' (October 20, 2024) [https://whyy.org/articles/trump-election-2024-kamala-harris-elizabeth-cheney-threat-civil-liberties/]

*Comrade Kamala Harris sees that she is losing, and losing badly, especially after stealing the Race from Crooked Joe Biden, so now she is increasingly raising her rhetoric, going so far as to call me Adolf Hitler, and anything else that comes to her warped mind. She is a Threat to Democracy
**[https://nitter.poast.org/realDonaldTrump/status/1849272632237056163#m]

*I NEED THE KIND OF GENERALS THAT HITLER HAD
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/]
*When Kamala came in, she dismantled our border and threw open the gates to an invasion of criminal migrants. We're a dumping ground. We're like a garbage can for the world. That's what's happened. That's what's happened to our ... We're like a garbage can
**[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ripped-saying-america-garbage-can-1974727]

*He’d take all the candy away very quickly. She wouldn’t have any idea what happened. It would be like a grand chess master playing a beginner. We would lose our country or be in World War III,because she’d get exasperated. She’s in no way able to handle him. He’s a fierce individual.
**[https://nypost.com/2024/10/24/us-news/trump-says-iranian-regime-wouldnt-have-to-end-if-he-were-president-suggests-peace-could-be-close/?utm_source=twitter&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=nypost]
*Now we have income taxes, and we have people that are dying. They're paying tax, and they don't have the money to pay the tax. In the old days … we had so much money, they had to set up committees, blue-ribbon committees, [on] how to spend our wealth. We had no idea how to spend it with so much money. Then we went to the income tax system and the rest is sort of history. But no, there is a way
**[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]

*And my people told me about four weeks ago, I was saying, ‘No, I want to protect the people. I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women.’&lt;br&gt;“‘Sir, please don’t say that.’&lt;br&gt;“They said, ‘We think it’s, it’s very inappropriate for you to say.’&lt;br&gt;“I pay these guys a lot of money. Can you believe it? Well, I’m going to do it whether the women like it or not. I’m going to protect them.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-protect-women-green-bay-rally_n_6722f2d1e4b02f5ab1d23299 Trump Says He Will Protect Women ‘Whether The Women Like It Or Not’] ''HuffPost'' (October 30, 2024)

*She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there, with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face.
**Referring to [[Liz Cheney]], reported in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-suggests-liz-cheney-should-face-firing-squad-her-foreign-policy-stance-2024-11-01/ Arizona prosecutor investigating Trump for saying Cheney should face gunfire] ''Reuters'' (October 31, 2024)

==== November 2024 ====

*I could’ve been anywhere I wanted to be. I could’ve had those waves smacking me in the face. That white, beautiful white skin that I have would be nice and tan. I got the whitest skin ’cause I never have time to go out in the sun. But I have that beautiful white, and you know what? It could’ve been beautiful, tanned, beautiful.
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-boasts-he-has-beautiful-white-skin-right-after-slamming-kamala-harris/ar-AA1tmtNv Trump Boasts He Has ‘Beautiful White Skin’ Right After Slamming Kamala Harris] ''MSN'' (November 2, 2024)

*I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/03/politics/trump-dark-closing-message/index.html Trump says he ‘shouldn’t have left’ the White House as he closes campaign with increasingly dark message] ''CNN'' (November 3, 2024)

* In many cases, our allies are worse than our so-called enemies.
** Claimed about allied NATO members and Russia, quoted in [https://tvpworld.com/83295959/us-elections-trump-calls-allies-worse-than-enemies &quot;Trump claims US is being exploited by allies, calls them ‘worse than enemies’&quot;], ''TVP World'' (November 3, 2024)

*Now I want to take this opportunity to give you some advice. Over the course of your life, you will find that things are not always fair, you will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve, and that are not always warranted, but you have to put your head down, and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Never ever ever give up, things will work out just fine. Look at the way I've been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this is great surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. You can't let them get you down, you can't let the critics, and the naysayers get in the way of your dream. I guess that's why I won, thank you. I guess that's why we won. Adversity makes you stronger, don't give in, don't back down, and never stop doing what you know is right. Nothing worth doing, ever ever ever came easy, and the more righteous you fight, the more opposition that you will face. I've accomplished a tremendous amount, in a very short time as president.
**Speech (November 6, 2024){{fact}}

*Any Republican Senator seeking the coveted LEADERSHIP position in the United States Senate must agree to Recess Appointments (in the Senate!), without which we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner. Sometimes the votes can take two years, or more. This is what they did four years ago, and we cannot let it happen again. We need positions filled IMMEDIATELY!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/trump-senate-majority-candidates-recess-appointments-rcna179515 Trump declares Senate majority candidates should allow him to make recess appointments] ''NBC News'' (November 10, 2024)

==== December 2024 ====

* I spoke to over 100 countries. You wouldn’t believe how many countries there are.
** 16 December 2024, [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/12/16/trump-defamation-polio-001230 Politico] and [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/12/17/politics/trump-honeymoon-analysis/index.html CNN]

===2025===

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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2025 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's 2nd presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|Second presidency of Donald Trump}}
====January 2025====
*I’d like Egypt to take people. You're talking about probably a million and a half people, and we just clean out that whole thing and say, 'You know, it's over.’
**Regarding what to do with the Palestinian refugees currently on the Gaza Strip, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/01/26/g-s1-44831/trump-jordan-egypt-accept-more-refugees-just-clean-out-gaza Trump wants Jordan and Egypt to accept more refugees to 'just clean out' Gaza] ''NPR'' (January 26, 2025)

*Because I have common sense, OK, and unfortunately a lot of people don't.
**When asked how he could come to the conclusion that FAA diversity policies had something to do with the fatal air disaster at Reagan Washington National Airport, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-evidence-appears-blame-faa-diversity-initiatives-factor/story?id=118272015 Trump goes on offensive against FAA diversity initiatives during DC crash briefing, prompts fierce backlash] ''ABC News'' (January 30, 2025)

====February 2025====
[[File:Trump - Long Live the King.jpg|thumb|Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!]]

*He who saves his Country does not violate any Law
**15 February 2025 on [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1890831570535055759 X tweet] and ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-napoleon-saves-country-quote-rod-steiger-b2699102.html Trump suggests he’s above the law with ominous Napoleon quote] ''Independent'' (February 16, 2025)
**A reference to a maxim attributed to [[Napoleon]] by [[Honoré de Balzac]], &quot;Who saves his country violates no law&quot; (&quot;Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi&quot;).

*The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day &quot;gate crashers,&quot; illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves.
**16 February 2025 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114014567906020636 post on TruthSocial], quoted same day by [https://nypost.com/2025/02/16/us-news/president-trump-sparks-meltdown-for-sharing-napoleon-quote/ Ryan King of New York Post] and [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-14th-amendment-slaves-not-migrants/ Patrick Djordjevic of News Nation Now]

*It’s called the Gulf of America now. It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. I have the right to do it. We are going to keep them out until such time that they agree it is the Gulf of America.
**Referring to AP reporters being banned from the White House, referenced in [https://deadline.com/2025/02/trump-ap-gulf-of-mexico-1236294031/ Donald Trump Says White House Will Prohibit Associated Press From Events Until They Agree To Rename Gulf Of Mexico] ''Deadline'' (February 18, 2025)

* I had an approval rating today of 71 and another one of 69.  I have not heard of those numbers before.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-generously-makes-approval-rating-defying-reality-rcna193139 &quot;Trump generously makes up an approval rating for himself, defying reality&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (February 21, 2025)

====March 2025====
*Wow, that's beautiful. This is a different panel than I've ever — '''everything's computer!'''
**When inspecting a Tesla Model S at the White House; quoted from [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-tesla-model-s-review-everythings-computer-2025-3 Donald Trump reviews Tesla Model S: 'Everything's computer'] ''Business Insider''  (Mar 11, 2025)

====April 2025====
*I call it a lot of different names, but it's really, in a sense, it's a rebirth of a country because how we could have afforded to do what we did, we helped everybody and they don't help us. The term I like best probably is the liberation of America.&lt;br&gt;It's a liberation of this country because it's incredible. Look, we have 36 trillion in debt for a reason and that accumulates over a long period of time. What you're going to be seeing over the next couple of days will be very inspiring to a lot of people.
**Regarding the round of tariffs expected to be enforced on most imported goods beginning April 2nd as referenced in [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/united-states/trump-says-india-will-substantially-cut-tariffs-signals-major-us-tariff-moves/ &quot;Trump says India will 'substantially' cut tariffs, signals major US tariff moves&quot;] ''The Tribune'' (April 1, 2025)

*We are going to be very nice, relatively speaking. We are going to be very kind....&lt;br&gt;Somebody said that about me the other day, who doesn’t know me very well. They said — ‘You are such a kind person’ and I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You are a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’
**Speaking on the severity of the tariffs as reported in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/politics/trump-tariffs-liberation-day-oval-office/index.html Trump has the world on edge as he mulls fateful tariffs decades in the making] ''CNN'' (April 1, 2025)[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stephen-colbert-trump-weird-confession_n_67ece159e4b048fde6fe94e3]

*THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
**Posted on Truth Social following the implementation of sweeping tariffs as reported in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/us-and-world/the-operation-is-over-the-patient-lived-donald-trump-after-shaking-global-economies-with-us-tariffs/articleshow/119949495.cms ‘The operation is over, the patient lived’: Donald Trump after shaking global economies with US tariffs] ''The Times of India'' (April 3, 2025)

*I think it's going very well. It was an operation, like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is....&lt;br&gt;The markets are going to boom, the stock is going to boom, the country is going to boom, and the rest of the world wants to see is there any way they can make a deal. They've taken advantage of us for many, many years. For many years we've been at the wrong side of the ball. And I'll tell you what, I think it's going to be unbelievable.
**When asked how things were going after a drop in the stock market the first day after Trump's tariff announcement as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trust-president-trump-white-house-defending-tariffs-amid/story?id=120449641 Trump says ‘it’s going very well’ after tariffs roil markets] ''ABC News'' (April 3, 2025)

*TO THE MANY INVESTORS COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES AND INVESTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY, MY POLICIES WILL NEVER CHANGE. THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET RICH, RICHER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!
**Posted on ''Truth Social'' following the announcement of his worldwide tariffs policy and the resulting sharp sell-off in the stock market a day later as reported in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/04/trump-tariffs-truth-social Trump insists he won’t back down from global trade war as markets slump] ''The Guardian'' (April 4, 2025)

*...We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114285375813275308 Truth Social] (April 5, 2025)

*It's the only chance we're going to have to reset the table on trade, and when we do, we're going to come out unbelievably well. We're going to have a strong country economically again and we're going to have those factories that are empty all over the United States.
**Indicating there would be no change of course regarding tariff plan, reported in [https://abc7chicago.com/post/donald-trump-tariff-formula-team-cites-chicago-economist-brent-neimans-work-he-says-math-doesnt-check/16141896/ Trump tariff team cites Chicago economist's work, but he says their math doesn't check out] ''ABC7 Chicago'' (April 7, 2025)

*We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made. Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.&lt;br&gt;Iran is going to be in great danger, and I hate to say it…. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, and if the talks aren’t successful, I think it’s going to be a very bad day for Iran.
**Referring to upcoming talks with Iran about their nuclear capability, taken from [https://time.com/7275589/trump-iran-nuclear-program-talk/ Trump Says U.S. Will Have Direct Talks With Iran About Nuclear Program] ''TIME'' (April 7, 2025)[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2038962/us-could-be-bombing-iran]

* There can be permanent tariffs and there can also be negotiations, because there are things that we need beyond tariffs. '''We need open borders.'''[https://www.yahoo.com/news/cognitive-decline-trump-calls-open-202617475.html]

*I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy. You know, they were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid…. Over the last few days it looked pretty glum… You have to be flexible. You have to be able to show a little flexibility. And I'm able to do that.
**Reasons given for pausing his tariff plan for 90 days for all countries except China, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-explains-dramatic-reversal-tariffs-people-bit-afraid/story?id=120651386 Trump explains dramatic reversal on tariffs: People getting 'a little bit afraid'] ''ABC News'' (April 9.2025)

*I’m not asking for much ... but they can't have a nuclear weapon.&lt;br&gt;If it requires military, we're going to have military. Israel will, obviously, be ... the leader of that. No one leads us. We do what we want.&lt;br&gt;I don't want to be specific. But when you start talks, you know if they're going along well or not. And I would say the conclusion would be when I think they're not going along well.
**[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2025-04-09/trump-repeats-threat-to-use-military-force-if-iran-does-not-agree-to-nuclear-deal Trump Repeats Threat to Use Military Force if Iran Does Not Agree to Nuclear Deal] ''US News'' (April 9, 2025)

*In my case, I like to take a nice shower, take care of my beautiful hair.... I have to stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous.
**While signing an executive order repealing limits to the flow of water to bathroom showers, taken from [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/4/10/make-showers-great-again-why-trumps-fighting-bathroom-water-pressure ‘Make showers great again’: Why Trump’s fighting bathroom water pressure] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 10, 2025)

*China wants to make a deal. They just don't know how quite to go about it. You know, it's one of those things they don't know quite. They're proud people and President Xi's a proud man. I know him very well. And they don't know quite how to go about it, but they'll figure it out.
**Indicating he is waiting for China to call him regarding the recently imposed tariffs, reported in [https://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/video/2025/04/washington-week-with-the-atlantic-full-episode-41125 Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/11/25] ''Washington Week'' (April 11, 2025)[https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/10/politics/trump-xi-china-tariffs/index.html]

*Homegrown criminals next. I said homegrowns are next, the homegrowns. You gotta build about five more [prisons]…. [The notorious Salvadoran mega-prison] is not big enough… If it's a homegrown criminal, I have no problem. Now we're studying the laws right now, Pam [Bondi] is studying. If we can do that, that's good…. And I'm talking about violent people. I'm talking about really bad people. Really bad people. Every bit as bad as the ones coming in.
**Speaking to El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele, referring to US citizens accused of crimes being the next ones sent to Salvadoran prisons, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/homegrowns-trump-doubles-sending-convicted-us-citizens-foreign/story?id=120802863 'Homegrowns are next': Trump doubles down on sending American 'criminals' to foreign prisons] ''ABC News'' (April 14, 2025)

* Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.”
* Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and ‘birdbrains’ who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called ‘future leaders
* Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. 
** [https://www.thefire.org/news/revoking-harvards-tax-exempt-status-will-threaten-all-nonprofits &quot;Revoking Harvard’s tax-exempt status will threaten all nonprofits&quot;], ''The Fire'' (April 18, 2025)

* As you know, the cost of eggs has come down like 93, 94% since we took office.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/23/politics/price-of-eggs-gas-trump-fact-check/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump lies about the price of eggs, groceries and gas&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 23, 2025)

*I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP!
**Taken from ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/International/russia-launches-massive-deadly-strike-kyiv-ukrainian-authorities/story?id=121113739 'Vladimir, STOP!' Trump says to Putin after deadliest Russian strike on Kyiv in months] ''ABC News'' (April 24, 2025)

*The first time, I had two things to do—run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.”
**In response to what felt different about his second term compared to the first, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/06/trump-second-term-comeback/682573/ ‘I RUN THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD’ Donald Trump believes he’s invincible. But the cracks are beginning to show] ''The Atlantic'' (April 28, 2025)

* Great Pollster John McLaughlin, one of the most highly respected in the industry, has just stated that The Failing New York Times Poll, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll, about a person named DONALD J. TRUMP, ME, are FAKE POLLS FROM FAKE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS. The New York Times has only 37% Trump 2024 voters, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll has only 34% Trump Voters, unheard of numbers unless looking for a negative result, which they are. These people should be investigated for ELECTION FRAUD, and add in the FoxNews Pollster while you’re at it. They are Negative Criminals who apologize to their subscribers and readers after I WIN ELECTIONS BIG, much bigger than their polls showed I would win, loose a lot of credibility, and then go on cheating and lying for the next cycle, only worse. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and there is nothing that anyone, or anything, can do about it. THEY ARE SICK, almost only write negative stories about me no matter how well I am doing (99.9% at the Border, BEST NUMBER EVER!), AND ARE TRULY THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! I wish them well, but will continue to fight to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/04/28/trump-approval-ratings-slams-polls-truth-social &quot;Trump lashes out against &quot;fake polls&quot; as his approval ratings sink&quot;], ''Axios'' (April 28, 2025)

* I am the candidate of peace.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/28/us-escalation-yemen-civilian-casualties &quot;Trump promised peace but brings rapid increase in civilian casualties to Yemen&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (April 28, 2025)

[[File:Pope Trump AI by Donald Trump.png|thumb|I'd like to be [[pope]]. That would be my number one choice.]]
* I'd like to be pope. That would be my number one choice. No — I don't know, I have no preference. I must say we have a cardinal that happens to be out of a place called New York who's very good.
** Response to being asked after the death of [[Pope Francis]] who he would like to be the next Pope (29 April 2025); as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/nx-s1-5386516/catholic-leaders-criticize-trump-ai-pope-photo?utm_term=nprnews&amp;utm_campaign=npr&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_source=facebook.com &quot;Catholic leaders criticize Trump for posting apparent AI photo of himself as the pope&quot;, ''NPR'' (4 May 2025)]

*PRESIDENT TRUMP: (Referring to a photo of what was tattooed on Abrego Garcia's knuckles:) M-S-1-3 -- It says M-S-one-three.&lt;br&gt;INTERVIEWER TERRY MORAN: I -- that was Photoshop….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: That was Photoshop?… Do you want me to show the picture?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: I saw the picture. We'll agree to disagree --&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Oh, and you think it was Photoshop…. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13 --&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: Fair enough, he did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry, no, no. No, no. He had MS as clear as you can be. Not &quot;interpreted.&quot; This is why people no longer believe the news, because it's fake news.&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: ...When he was photographed in El Salvador, they aren't there…. Take a look at the photograph —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: But they're there now, right?… But they're there now?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: They're in your picture.&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry He's got MS-13 on his knuckles…. you do such a disservice —&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: We'll take a look. We'll take a look at that, sir —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Why don't you just say, &quot;Yes, he does,&quot; and, you know, go on to something else --
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)[https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-photo-abrego-001600628.html]

*Everybody's gonna be just fine. It wouldn't have been if I didn't do this. I had a choice. I could leave it, have a nice, easy time. But I think ultimately you would've had an implosion. Our country had inflation that was worse than they've ever had it before.&lt;br&gt;You don't mention that. Why don't you mention that? We had the worst inflation probably in the history of our country. People say 48 years, probably in the history of our country we had the worst inflation. And people were dying over the inflation. You know that. Now the grocery prices are coming down. The energy prices are coming down. Gasoline's coming down. It's all heading in the right direction.
**In response to a question over the concern about the effect of the tariffs, taken from [https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)

*We're going to have something that you won't even believe. We will end inflation, slash prices. We've already ended inflation, raise wages, and give you the greatest economy in the history of the world.
**[https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-teases-biggest-bill-ever-021733041.html Trump Teases 'Biggest Bill Ever Passed' and 'Military Supremacy' During Anniversary Rally] ''Yahoo! News'' (April 29, 2025)

*This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s… I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers…. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden 'Overhang. This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!!
**From Truth Social reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You probably saw some numbers today, and I have to start off by saying that’s Biden — that’s not Trump — because we came in on January. We came in and I was very against everything that Biden was doing in terms of the economy. … We took over his mess in so many different ways.&lt;br&gt;I’m not taking credit or discredit for the stock market. I’m just saying we inherited a mess…. We came in on Jan. 20, so this is Biden. And you can even say the next quarter is, sort of, Biden, because it doesn’t just happen on a daily or an hourly basis, but we’re turning it around. It’s a big ship to turn around.
**In remarks during a meeting with his Cabinet, reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. So maybe the two dolls will cost a couple bucks more than they would normally.
**More remarks during his Cabinet meeting, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-economy-tariffs-gdp-7494825851dcef94ec81475124f9326f Trump says US kids may get ‘2 dolls instead of 30,’ but China will suffer more in a trade war] 'AP News' (April 30, 2025)

===== Liberation Day tariff announcements (2 April 2025) ===== 
Announced from the Rose Garden at the White House:[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-liberation-day-arrives-gambles-big-risky-tariff/story?id=120382209] [https://nypost.com/2025/04/02/us-news/trump-slaps-at-least-10-tariffs-on-all-imports-in-declaration-of-economic-independence-half-of-what-they-could-be] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-tariffs-great-depression-fdr-b2726461.html][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6uFW0gHwXU][https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-liberation-day-event-april-2-2025/?singlepage=1]
*My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day… April 2nd, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed and the day that we began to make America wealthy again.
*For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far, both friend and foe alike.
* Taxpayers have been ripped off for more than 50 years, but it is not going to happen anymore.
*This is one of the most important days, in my opinion, in American history. It’s our declaration of economic independence. …now it’s our turn to prosper and in so doing use trillions and trillions of dollars to reduce our taxes and pay down our national debt and it will all happen very quickly. With today’s action we are finally going to be able to make America great again, greater than ever before.
*Jobs and factories will come roaring back into our country, and you see it happening already. We will supercharge our domestic industrial base. We will pry open foreign markets and break down foreign trade barriers. And ultimately, more production at home will mean stronger competition and lower prices for consumers. This will be indeed the golden age of America. It’s coming back and we’re going to come back very strongly.
*From 1789 to 1913, we were a tariff-backed nation and the United States was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been. So wealthy, in fact, that in the 1880s, they established a commission to decide what they were going to do with the vast sums of money they were collecting….&lt;br&gt;Then in 1913, for reasons unknown to mankind, they established the income tax so that citizens rather than foreign countries would start paying the money necessary to run our government. Then in 1929, it all came to a very abrupt end with the Great Depression, and it would have never happened if they had stayed with the tariff policy. It would have been a much different story.&lt;br&gt;They tried to bring back tariffs to save our country, but it was gone. It was gone. It was too late. Nothing could have been done. It took years and years to get out of that depression, far longer than even FDR had that office right over there for a long period of time.
*We will charge them approximately half of what they are and have been charging us because we are being very kind. This is not full reciprocal. This is kind reciprocal.
*In short, chronic trade deficits are no longer merely an economic problem. They're a national emergency that threatens our security and our very way of life. It's a very great threat to our country. 
*These tariffs are going to give us growth like you haven’t seen before. And it’ll be something very special to watch.

====May 2025====
[[File:AI Donald Trump Star Wars.jpg|thumb|You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]].]]

*They all hated me in my first term, and now they’re kissing my ass.
**Trump bragging about how tech moguls have warmed up to him, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-alabama-commencement-address-protests-6bcea5b4058c819c26a8135b41d73dd1 Trump offers advice to University of Alabama graduates in speech interspersed with politics] 'AP News' (May 1, 2025)

* The courts are trying to stop me from doing the job that I was elected to do. 
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/05/02/politics/ketanji-brown-jackson-trump-judges &quot;Politico: Ketanji Brown Jackson warns Trump’s rhetoric against judges are ‘attacks on our democracy’&quot;] ''CNN'' (May 2, 2025)

* [[w:Star Wars Day|Happy May the 4th]] to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring [[w:Sith|Sith Lords]], Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, &amp; well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy. You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]]. &lt;br /&gt; May the 4th be with you.
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1919053040734072844 Star Wars Day message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (4 May 2025)], accompanied by an AI generated image of Trump with a body-builder physique, wielding a [[w:Lightsaber|red lightsaber]] (which in [[Star Wars]] lore is emblematic of the often deceitful and profoundly evil [[w:Sith|Sith]] manifesting the &quot;Dark side&quot; of [[the Force]]).

*&lt;b&gt;I don't know.&lt;/b&gt; I have to respond by saying, again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me, and they are going to obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a different interpretation.
**When asked whether he, as president, needs to abide by the Constitution and the rights it provides to people in the U.S., as reported in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/g-s1-64239/does-a-president-need-to-uphold-the-constitution-trump-says-i-dont-know Does a president need to uphold the Constitution? Trump says 'I don't know'] ''NPR'' (May 4, 2025)

*I think the good parts are the ‘Trump economy’ and the bad parts are the ‘Biden economy’ because he’s done a terrible job…. I was able to get down the costs. But even that, it takes a while to get them down. But we got them down good....&lt;br&gt;I’ve only just been here for a little more than three months. But the stock market, look at what’s happened in the last short period of time. Didn’t it have nine or 10 days in a row, or 11 days, where it’s gone up? And the tariffs have just started kicking in. And we’re doing really well.
**In response to the question: ‘When does it become the Trump economy?’, quoted from [https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/04/business/trump-economy-tariffs-powell Trump says good parts of US economy are ‘Trump economy,’ bad parts are ‘Biden economy’] CNN (May 4 2025)

* ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell is a FOOL, who doesn’t have a clue. 
** Claimed about the Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/08/trump-calls-fed-chair-jerome-powell-a-fool-after-central-bank-keeps-rates-steady.html &quot;Trump calls Fed Chair Jerome Powell a ‘fool’ after central bank keeps rates steady&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 8, 2025)

*(U.S. ports slowing down) means we lose less money, you know? When I see that, that means we lose less money…. And frankly if we didn’t do business (with China), we would have been better off. So, when you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
**Responding to a reporter saying that traffic at U.S. ports “has really slowed, and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs”, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-exposes-own-idiocy-looming-171025385.html?guccounter=1&amp;guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&amp;guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAwAaX7rRwkUgizDt6XV1AOwYrv_ZMeBvHcxEMpvwsTm5lgFGs-RnNK7Brf0slvaI0V7WM6BAq1bFaEnDYKIOA9VnIsUr1OTy57i7_-oXYOG-Ti5H0ZkMgFatc6W-Oemxe82QXdtzNGQy_NC4PvCUlAd8MeWzovIDQhPgQAuh6I3 Trump Exposes Own Idiocy With Comment About Looming Shortages] ''Yahoo! News'' (May 8, 2025)

*So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA.
**From ''Truth Social'' regarding a potential gift of a $400 million &quot;palace in the sky&quot; airplane from the Qatari government for Trump's use, reported in [https://thearabweekly.com/brewing-controversy-surrounds-qatars-intent-lavish-luxury-jet-trump Brewing controversy surrounds Qatar’s intent to lavish luxury jet on Trump] ''The Arab Weekly'' (May 12, 2025)

*I think it's a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer.&lt;br&gt;I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, 'No, we don't want a free, very expensive airplane.' I thought it was a great gesture.&lt;br&gt;…They're giving us a free jet. I could say, 'No, no, no, don't give us. I want to pay you a billion or $400 million, or whatever it is.' Or I could say, 'Thank you very much.'
**Speaking to reporters at the White House regarding accepting a gift of a $400 million 747 airplane from Qatar, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2025/05/12/trump-qatar-jet-free-plane-air-force-one Trump says it would be &quot;stupid&quot; not to accept free jet from Qatar] ''Axios'' (May 12, 2025)

* European Union is in many ways nastier than China, okay.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-eu-nastier-than-china/ &quot;Trump: The EU is ‘nastier than China’&quot;], ''Politico'' (May 12, 2025)

*Oh, what I do for the crown prince. The sanctions were brutal and crippling and served as an important, really an important function, nevertheless, at the time. But now it's their time to shine.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-heaps-praise-saudi-crown-prince-touts-economic/story?id=121758613 Trump heaps praise on Saudi Crown Prince MBS as he touts economic development] ''ABC News'' (May 13, 2025)

* I see that Highly Overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a Foreign Country to speak badly about the President of the United States.  Never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics and, importantly, he's not a talented guy - Just a pushy, obnoxious JERK
* Has anyone noticed that, since I said 'I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,' she’s no longer 'HOT?
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2025/05/16/trump-calls-bruce-springsteen-obnoxious-jerk/83671059007/ &quot;Trump calls Bruce Springsteen 'obnoxious jerk' after singer voiced criticism at concert&quot;], ''USA Today'' (May 16, 2025)

*...The biggest crime of all is that THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED! I (MAGA!) WON THE ELECTION BY MILLIONS OF VOTES, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. GOD BLESS AMERICA, FOR THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN!!!
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-goes-on-early-morning-ragefest-over-autopen-and-rigged-and-stolen-election/ Trump Goes On Early-Morning Ragefest Over ‘AUTOPEN’ And ‘RIGGED AND STOLEN’ Election] ''Mediaite'' (May 17, 2025)

* They have a term, ‘grocery.’ It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It’s a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down.
* Costs are down, eggs are down.  They were, first week they were hitting me with ‘Eggs were up 200%’ and now they’re down to a number that is amazing. We’re down 97, 98% from where they were. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-left-flabbergasted-trumps-explanation-213256638.html &quot;People Left Flabbergasted By Trump's Explanation Of 1 English Word To UAE President&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (May 15, 2025)

* Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS  last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, “EAT THE TARIFFS,” and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/17/trump-tells-walmart-to-eat-the-tariffs.html &quot;Trump tells Walmart to ‘eat the tariffs’ after retailer warned it will raise prices&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 17, 2025)

*HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN’T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter....For these unpatriotic “entertainers,” this was just a CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system.
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-demands-major-investigation-into-springsteen-beyonce-oprah-for-backing-kamala-harris-corrupt-unlawful/ Trump Demands ‘Major Investigation’ Into Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah for Backing Kamala Harris: ‘CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL!’] ''Mediate'' (May 19, 2025)

* HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-memorial-day-154700630.html &quot;Fact Check: Trump's Memorial Day message&quot;] ''Yahoo News'' (May 27, 20205)

* What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-brags-shielding-putin-not-204644595.html &quot;Trump Brags About Shielding Putin, And It’s Not Going Over Well On Social Media&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (May 27, 2025)

* There is no #JoeBiden - executed in 2020. #Biden clones doubles &amp; robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see. Democrats dont know the difference.
** Social media posting shared by Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-shares-bonkers-conspiracy-theory-about-joe-biden-being-replaced-by-clones/ &quot;Trump Shares Unhinged Conspiracy Theory That Biden Is a Robot Clone&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (May 31, 2025)

===== [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-advice-university-alabama-commencement-speech-2067054 Donald Trump Shares 11 Pieces of Advice at Rally-Style Commencement Speech] Newsweek (1 May 2025) =====
# &quot;If you're here today and think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young. You can have great success at a very young age ... In America, with drive and ambition, young people can do anything.&quot;
# &quot;You have to love what you do. You have to. I rarely see somebody that's successful that doesn't love what he or she does ... If I didn't find it fun, I wouldn't be successful.&quot;
# &quot;The third thing is to think big. If you're going to do something, you might as well think big. I know a lot of people, they've thought small, they were very smart. I know others that weren't nearly as smart, but they had a better picture of the big picture, because it's just as hard to solve a small problem as a big problem and it's just as much energy and everything else, except the result is going to be a smaller one. So love what you do and think big if it's possible.&quot;
# &quot;Work hard. Never, ever stop,&quot; Trump said, before mentioning pro golf legend Gary Player. The president said Player &quot;wasn't as big as other men, he was on the small side ... but he worked very, very hard. He made up for it. He never stopped.&quot;
# &quot;Don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know, if you are losing it, you have to know when you are losing it, so maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop. Listen to the feedback, think through your plan very carefully and keep moving fast.&quot;
# &quot;If you want to change the world, you have to have the courage to be an outsider. In other words, you have to take certain risks and do things a little bit differently; otherwise, if that were the case, everybody would be successful. Doesn't work that way. Progress never comes from those satisfied with the failures of a broken system; it comes from those who want to fix the broken system. If you want to go to the top, you're just never going to do it unless you break the system ... You really do, you have to break the system a little bit and follow your own instincts. But if your vision is right, nothing will hold you down. Nothing. You have to have the right vision.&quot;
# &quot;Trust your instincts. Common sense. You can go very far in life with common sense and I applied that to politics because some of these things, like, they had open borders. Let everybody in the whole world flow into our country. That's not common sense.&quot;
# &quot;Everybody should believe in the American dream. It's real, it's there and it's right before you.&quot;
# &quot;Think of yourself as a winner. The power of positive thinking. Don't consider yourself a victim. Consider yourself a winner. In recent years, too many of our young people have really been taught to think of themselves as victims and blame people and be angry. Don't be angry. In America, we reject that idea that anyone is born a victim. Our heroes are the ones who take charge of their own destiny, make their own luck and determine their own fate, despite the odds.&quot;
# &quot;Be an original,&quot; Trump said as his penultimate piece of advice for the graduating class. &quot;The all-time greats were people who had the confidence to be a little different ... God only created one of you. Remember that. You're all different, some are close, but nobody is the same. You're one of a kind so don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself.&quot;
# &quot;Never, ever give up. Never give up. Don't stop. Never, ever give up. Victory is right around the corner.&quot;

==== June 2025 ====
*The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same!
**Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress  according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025)

* Because of Tariffs, our Economy is BOOMING!
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-brag-about-booming-economy-immediately-gets-a-humiliating-reality-check/ &quot;Trump’s Brag About ‘BOOMING’ Economy Immediately Gets a Humiliating Reality Check&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (June 3, 2025)

*That was not a pleasant day for you?
**About the 1945 D-Day landings, to Chancellor of Germany Friedrich Merz, who replied &quot;This was the liberation of my country from Nazi dictatorship.&quot; ([https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/germanys-chancellor-visits-trump-as-europes-alliance-with-u-s-is-fracturing June 5, 2025])

* The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts.  I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/06/05/elon-musk-twitter-trump-epstein-files &quot;How Trump and Musk's relationship exploded in real time over X, Truth Social&quot;], ''Axios'' (June 5, 2025)

*We want to wean off of FEMA and we want to bring it down to the state level — a little bit like education, we're moving it back to the states.&lt;br&gt;It has not worked out well. It's extremely expensive and, again, when you have a tornado or a hurricane or you have a problem of any kind, in a state, that's what you have governors for. They're supposed to fix those problems, and it's much more local and they'll develop a system, and it will be a great system.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-fema-hurricane-season-wean-states/ Trump says his administration wants to &quot;wean&quot; states off FEMA aid after hurricane season] ''CBS News'' (June 11, 2025)

* Remember eggs? We weren’t able to buy another egg for the next 20 years — they were so expensive, right?  Eggs have come down 400%. 
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everybody-eggs-now-154300576.html &quot;Trump says ‘everybody has eggs now’ since prices have dropped a staggering 400%. But is his math scrambled?&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance / Moneywise'' (June 12, 2025)

* Please help me with my military parade.
** Written in a fundraising e-mail, quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/chris-hayes-cackles-at-trump-email-sorry-thats-a-funny-sentence/ &quot;Chris Hayes Cackles at Trump Email: ‘Sorry, That’s a Funny Sentence’&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 13, 2025)

* President Putin called this morning to very nicely wish me a Happy Birthday
** Quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-says-putin-very-nicely-wished-him-happy-birthday-and-they-agreed-war-in-israel-iran-should-end-on-hour-long-call/ &quot;Trump Says Putin ‘Very Nicely’ Wished Him Happy Birthday and They Agreed ‘War in Israel-Iran Should End’ on Hour-Long Call&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 14, 2025)

* We can easily get a deal done between Iran and Israel, and end this bloody conflict.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-iran-retaliation-levels-never-seen-before/ &quot;Trump threatens Iran with retaliation ‘at levels never seen before’&quot;], ''Politico'' (June 15, 2025)

*ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History.&lt;br&gt;In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These radical left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our country and actually want to destroy our inner cities - and they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them
**From Truth Social reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/trump-admin-updates-live/?id=122650591 Trump admin updates: Trump calls for expanded deportations in LA, NYC and more] ''ABC News'' (June 15, 2025)

*I want them to focus on the cities because the cities are where you really have what's called sanctuary cities, and that's where the people are… Most of those people are in the cities, all blue cities, all Democrat-run cities, and they think they're going to use them to vote. It's not going to happen.
**Speaking at the G7 Summit concerning the deportation of illegal aliens, reported in [https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/california/president-trump-orders-ice-to-target-democratic-run-cities/509-457960b7-63e1-4277-bc42-73d10918a0f4 Trump targets deportations in Democratic cities, sparks outrage in California] ''CBS8'' (June 16, 2025)

*Well, considering that I’m the one that developed ‘America First,’ and considering that the term wasn’t used until I came along, I think I’m the one that decides that.
**[https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/trump-america-first-iran-israel-strikes-rcna213299 Trump tries to redefine ‘America First’ in the face of MAGA backlash] ''MSNBC'' (June 16, 2025)

*I think the governor of Minnesota is so whacked out. I'm not calling him. Why would I call him? I could call and say, 'Hi, how you doing?' Uh, the guy doesn't have a clue. He's a mess. I could be nice and call, but why waste time?
**Explaining why he chose not to call Minnesota Governor [[Tim Walz]] following the political assassinations of state Representative [[Melissa Hortman]] (a Democrat) and her husband [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-call-walz-after-minnesota-shootings-calls-grossly/story?id=122870353 Trump says calling Walz after Minnesota shootings would be 'waste of time'] ''ABC News'' (June 17, 2025)

* I don't believe in telephones.
** [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14820045/Donald-Trump-G7-Iran-Air-Force-One.html &quot;Donald Trump reveals the real reason he rushed home from the G7 in Canada while bombs fell on Tehran&quot;] ''Daily Mail'' (June 17, 2025)

*Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word, but I'm not gonna use that word. It starts with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it, I would be run out of town by you people.
**While talking with reporters on the White House lawn, where he plans on installing two massive flagpoles, reported in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-cracks-crude-genitalia-joke-35414899 Trump cracks crude genitalia joke at flagpole ceremony amid fears he'll be 'run out of town'] ''Irish Star'' (June 18, 2025)

*My supporters are more in love with me today, and I'm more in love with them, more than they even were at election time where we had a total landslide…&lt;br&gt;I may have some people that are a little bit unhappy now, but I have some people that are very happy, and I have people outside of the base that can't believe that this is happening, they're so happy ... and there was a poll that just came out today and my approval rating’s the highest it’s ever been.
**Speaking to reporters at the White House on the South Lawn, asked about supporters’ concerns regarding involvement in the Israel-Iran conflict quoted in  [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-supporters-love-involvement-iran-roils-maga-world-122978793 Trump says supporters are 'more in love' with him than ever, as involvement in Iran roils MAGA world] ''ABC News'' (June 18, 2025)[https://www.al.com/politics/2025/06/trump-claims-his-approval-rating-is-the-highest-its-ever-been-numbers-tell-a-different-story.html]

* I may do it. I may not do it. Nobody knows what I'm going to do.
** Said about the possibility of attacking Iran, 18 June 2025. Quoted in Allan Little [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxww2kez0go How Trump is using the 'Madman Theory' to try to change the world (and it's working)] ''BBC News'' (July 6, 2025)

* I stopped the war between Pakistan and India.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/third-time-india-pushes-back-trumps-dubious-boasts-rcna213931 &quot;For the third time, India pushes back against Trump’s dubious boasts&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (June 19, 2025)

*Zero Border crossings for the month for TRUMP, verses 60,000 for Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden, a man who lost the 2020 Presidential Election by a “LANDSLIDE!” Biden was grossly incompetent, and the 2020 election was a total FRAUD! The evidence is MASSIVE and OVERWHELMING. A Special Prosecutor must be appointed. This cannot be allowed to happen again in the United States of America!
**Taken from Truth Social post in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-calls-for-special-prosecutor-for-alleged-election-fraud-in-2020-claiming-he-won-in-a-landslide/ Trump Calls for Special Prosecutor for Alleged Election Fraud in 2020 — Claiming He Won in a ‘LANDSLIDE!’] ''Mediaite'' (June 20, 2025)

*It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change’, but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change? MIGA!!!
**''Truth Social'' posting, reported in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2025/06/23/trump-agitates-for-iran-regime-change/ Trump agitates for regime change to ‘make Iran great again’] ''The Telegraph'' (June 22, 2025)

*CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED! During each CEASEFIRE, the other side will remain PEACEFUL and RESPECTFUL. On the assumption that everything works as it should, which it will, I would like to congratulate both Countries, Israel and Iran, on having the Stamina, Courage, and Intelligence to end, what should be called, “THE 12 DAY WAR”.
**Truth Social post reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/23/iran-qatar-iraq-attacks-us-israel.html Trump announces Israel-Iran ceasefire timeline he says will end the war: Live updates] ''CNBC'' (June 23, 2025)[https://www.salon.com/2025/06/23/the-12-day-war-says-israel-iran-have-reached-tentative-ceasefire-agreement/]

* Israel, as soon as we made the deal they came out and they dropped a load of bombs, the likes of which I’ve never seen before.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy with Israel. You know, when I say, ‘OK now you have 12 hours,’ you don’t go out to the first hour, just drop everything you have on, so I’m not happy with them. I’m not happy with Iran either.&lt;br&gt;ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW!
** [https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-conflict-us-trump-06-24-25-intl-hnk#cmcaf5mst00003b6prm250209 &quot;Trump lashes out at Israel as his Middle East truce appears to falter&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 24, 2025)

* ''About Israel and Iran:''
: I don’t believe they will ever be shooting at each other again.
:* [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-expects-israel-iran-ceasefire-last-forever-rcna214660 &quot;Trump says he expects the Israel-Iran ceasefire will last 'forever'&quot;] ''NBC News'' (June 24, 2025)

* We have no inflation.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/25/politics/fact-check-trump-nato-conference &quot;Fact-checking Trump’s NATO news conference&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 25, 2025)

* I've talked to Putin a lot and he's actually been very kind.
** [https://www.gazetaexpress.com/en/He%27s-a-good-guy.-Trump-announces-talks-with-Zelensky--praises-Putin-as-very-kind./ &quot;'He's a good guy': Trump announces talks with Zelensky, praises Putin as 'very kind'&quot;] ''Gazeta Express'' (June 25, 2025)

==== July 2025 ====
* This bill rescues over 2 billion family farms from the so-called estate tax or the death tax.
** Claimed about the &quot;Big Beautiful Bill&quot;, quoted in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-loses-it-claims-2-35498032 &quot;Trump 'loses it' as he claims 2 billion farms have been rescued then outright lies over taxes&quot;] ''Irish Star'' (July 3, 2025)

* ''Claimed about his &quot;big beautiful bill&quot;:''
: It’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed,
:* [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/fact-check-trump-bill-unpopular &quot;Fact check: Trump falsely claims his highly unpopular big bill is the ‘single most popular bill ever signed’&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*We made promises, and it’s really promises made, promises kept, and we’ve kept them. There’s a triumph of democracy on the birthday of democracy, and I have to say that the people are happy.
**After signing the One Big Beautiful Bill into law [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/donald-trump-policy-bill-celebration Trump signs his agenda bill, with a flyover and fireworks to mark the occasion] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*I would say firm, but not 100% firm.
**When asked by a reporter whether the new August 1st tariff date was a hard deadline, quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cd0vkl31085o US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries] ''BBC'' (July 7, 2025)

*Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years…. Are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable.&lt;br&gt;I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this, when we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy with what happened in Texas. It just seems like a desecration. 
**Responding to a reporter’s question to Attorney General Pam Bondi regarding Jeffrey Epstein, quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-questions-why-people-talking-164717536.html Trump questions why people are talking about ‘creep’ Epstein - despite his push to release the files ] ''Yahoo News'' (July 8, 2025)

*If a communist gets elected to run New York, it can never be the same, but we have tremendous power at the White House to run places when we have to.&lt;br&gt;New York City will run properly. We’re going to bring New York back.
**After warning against the prospect of Zohran Mamdani winning the New York mayor’s race, quoted in [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-07-08/trump-says-he-s-weighing-federal-takeover-of-washington-dc Trump Says He’s Weighing Federal Takeover of Washington, DC] ''Bloomberg'' (July 8, 2025)[https://archive.is/317Oy#selection-1147.0-1147.59]

*TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 — No extensions will be granted.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-threatens-no-extensions-aug-1-tariff-deadline-what-countries-rcna217536 Trump threatens 'no extensions' on new Aug. 1 tariff deadline, warns of higher import taxes] ''NBC News'' (July 8, 2025)

*We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening. We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD, and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein….One year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the “HOTTEST” Country anywhere in the World. Let’s keep it that way, and not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/12/politics/bondi-epstein-investigation-trump Trump defends Bondi amid MAGA fallout over her handling of Epstein investigation] ''CNN'' (July 13, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114842356238631061]

*I speak to him a lot about getting this thing done. And I always hang up and say, well, that was a nice phone call. And then missiles are launched into Kyiv or some other city. And I said, strange. And after that happens three or four times, you say the talk doesn't mean anything.
**Referring to his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine war, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/transcripts/nx-s1-5467304 Trump announces new weapon plan for Ukraine, threatens Russia with tariffs] ''NPR'' (July 14, 2025)

*Very good. Because I won. It's good to win. You heard I won, right? Did you hear I won? I like to win.
**When asked how the golf tournament was after winning the Senior Club Championship at his course outside of West Palm Beach, Florida [https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/news/trump/2025/07/14/trump-golf-championship-new-jersey-bedminster/85190196007/ Trump claims another golf championship, his fifth this year, at his New Jersey club] ''The Palm Beach Post'' (July 14, 2025)
 
* I go home, I tell the first lady, ‘I spoke to Vladimir today, we had a wonderful conversation.’ And she says, ‘Oh really, another city was just hit’
** Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/melania-trump-russia-ukraine-b2789171.html &quot;How Melania Trump emerged as one of Zelensky’s key allies in the White House&quot;] ''The Independent'' (July 15, 2025)

* No, no. She's [Pam Bondi] uh, she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the various things that they've seen. And I would say that, you know, these files [Jeffrey Epstein files] were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up but, the Biden, uh, you know, and we went through years of that.
** Donald Trump answering a reporter's question on wether Donald Trump's name appeared in the Jeffrey Epstein files. [https://apnews.com/article/trump-epstein-conspiracy-theories-bondi-bongino-fbi-a143076353acbc1193cb9697e7fc4a90 With Epstein conspiracy theories, Trump faces a crisis of his own making]

[[File:Epstein Final Mugshot.png|thumb|I have had more [[success]] in 6 months than perhaps any [[President]] in our Country’s [[history]], and all these [[people]] want to talk about, with strong prodding by the [[Fake news|Fake News]] and the success starved [[Democratic Party (United States)|Dems]], is the [[Jeffrey Epstein]] Hoax.]]
*The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Just like with the FAKE and fully discredited Steele Dossier, the lying 51 “Intelligence” Agents, the Laptop from Hell, which the Dems swore had come from Russia (No, it came from Hunter Biden’s bathroom!), and even the Russia, Russia, Russia Scam itself, a totally fake and made up story used in order to hide Crooked Hillary Clinton’s big loss in the 2016 Presidential Election, these Scams and Hoaxes are all the Democrats are good at… Their new SCAM is what we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax, and my PAST supporters have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker. They haven’t learned their lesson, and probably never will, even after being conned by the Lunatic Left for 8 long years. I have had more success in 6 months than perhaps any President in our Country’s history, and all these people want to talk about, with strong prodding by the Fake News and the success starved Dems, is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax. Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!
**''Truth Social'' post cutting ties with any MAGA supporters who still want answers in the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/trump-melts-down-over-epstein-hoax-slams-supporters-who-believe-this-bullsht-i-dont-want-their-support-anymore/ Trump Melts Down Over Epstein ‘Hoax,’ Slams Supporters Who Believe ‘This Bullsh*t’: ‘I Don’t Want Their Support Anymore!’] ''Mediaite'' (July 16, 2025)

*I know it’s a hoax. It was started by Democrats. It’s been run by the Democrats for four years ... it’s perpetrated by the Democrats and some stupid Republicans and foolish Republicans fall into the net, and so they try and do the Democrats’ work.
**When asked by a reporter if he has evidence to support his claim that the fervor over Jeffrey Epstein, who died from suicide in a Manhattan jail cell during his first term, is part of a Democratic “hoax” against him, reported in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-epstein-file-response-republicans-b2790269.html Trump attacks ‘stupid Republicans’ for wanting Epstein files released] ''Independent'' (July 16, 2025)

*No, no, she's -- she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the different things that they've seen, and I would say that, you know, these files were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up by the Biden -- and you know, we and we went through years of that with the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax, with all of the different things that we had to go through.
**When asked by a reporter if Pam Bondi told him his name appeared in the Epstein files [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/whatever-she-thinks-is-credible-trump-reacts-again-on-epstein-files-says-pam-bondi-has-handled-it-very-well/articleshow/122535035.cms 'Whatever she thinks is credible': Trump reacts again on Epstein files; says Pam Bondi has 'handled it very well'] ''Times of India'' (July 16, 2025)

*He’s a terrible Fed chair. I was surprised he was appointed. I was surprised, frankly, that Biden put him in and extended him.
**Regarding Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell whom Donald Trump appointed in 2017 [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-says-was-surprised-jerome-powell-fed-chair-appointed-was-appoint-rcna219162 Trump says he was surprised that Jerome Powell, the Fed chair he appointed, was appointed] MSNBC (July 16, 2025)

*I have asked the Justice Department to release all Grand Jury testimony with respect to Jeffrey Epstein, subject only to Court Approval. With that being said, and even if the Court gave its full and unwavering approval, nothing will be good enough for the troublemakers and radical left lunatics making the request. It will always be more, more, more.
**From ''Truth Social'' reported in [https://dnyuz.com/2025/07/19/trump-savages-lunatics-demanding-epstein-files-release/ Trump Savages ‘Lunatics’ Demanding Epstein Files Release] ''DNYUZ'' (July 19, 2025)
  
* We’re gonna get the drug prices down — not 30% or 40%, which would be great. Not 50% or 60%. No, we’re gonna get them down 1,000%, 600%, 500%, 1,500%.
* Something that nobody else can do.
* Numbers that are not even thought to be achievable.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/prescription-drug-costs-trump-flunks-arithmetic-embarrassing-fashion-rcna220508 &quot;On prescription drug costs, Trump flunks arithmetic in embarrassing fashion&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (July 23, 2025)

* Every time they give you a question that's not appropriate, just say 'by the way, Obama cheated on the election.'
** [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/mikey-smith-8-unhinged-donald-35606610 &quot;MIKEY SMITH: 8 unhinged Donald Trump moments as he scrambles to distract from Epstein scandal&quot;] ''Mirror'' (July 23, 2025)

*I never had the privilege of going to his island, and I did turn him down. But a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island. In one of my very good moments, I turned it down. I didn’t want to go to his island.
**In reference to the late Jeffrey Epstein's island where underage girls were made available to Epstein and his guests [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5423583-trump-rejects-epstein-island-offer/ Trump says he turned down offer to go to Epstein island: ‘One of my very good moments’] ''The Hill'' (July 28, 2025)

* I'm not a fan of your mayor. I think he's done a terrible job, the mayor of London... a nasty person.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx2q5pjk4zko &quot;Trump takes another swipe at London's mayor&quot;] ''BBC'' (July 28, 2025)

* We stopped about five wars.
** Claimed without providing details or evidence, quoted in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-boasts-he-stopped-about-five-wars-while-opening-new-scotland-golf-course-vows-work-with-netanyahu &quot;Trump boasts he 'stopped about five wars' while opening new Scotland golf course, vows to work with Netanyahu&quot;] ''FOX News'' (July 29, 2025)

* I know better than anybody about sanctions and tariffs and everything else.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/31/politics/russia-sanctions-trump-witkoff-ukraine &quot;Trump says Witkoff will travel to Russia, affirms plans for new sanctions&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 31, 2025)

*Tariffs are making America GREAT &amp; RICH Again... Now the tide has completely turned, and America has successfully countered this onslaught of Tariffs used against it. ONE YEAR AGO, AMERICA WAS A DEAD COUNTRY, NOW IT IS THE “HOTTEST” COUNTRY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.scrippsnews.com/politics/with-trade-deadline-nearing-court-case-could-define-trumps-tariff-authority With trade deadline nearing, court case could define Trump's tariff authority] ''Scripps News'' (July 31, 2025)

* They've wanted [[w:White House State Ballroom|a ballroom at the White House]] for more than 150 years, but there's never been a president that was good at ballrooms. I'm really good.
**On the White House ballroom project (31 July 2025), as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-white-house-ballroom-construction/ &quot;Trump said new White House ballroom construction wouldn't 'interfere with the current building'&quot; by Joey Esposito, ''Snopes'' (21 October 2025)]; also in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-building-new-200-million-ballroom-white-house/story?id=124254902 &quot;Trump is building a new $200 million ballroom at the White House&quot; ''ABC News'' (July 31, 2025)]

==== August 2025 ====
*I was just informed that our Country’s ‘Jobs Numbers’ are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr. Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s [Harris’] chances of Victory... We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified.
**Fires the Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner, Erika McEntarfer, in a ''Truth Social'' post immediately after the agency reported job growth in the U.S. had slowed to a near-halt, reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/01/trump-erika-mcentarfer-jobs-report-fired.html Trump fires commissioner of labor statistics after weaker-than-expected jobs figures slam markets] ''CNBC'' (August 1st, 2025)

*If Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican, I think her ad is fantastic.
**[https://deadline.com/2025/08/donald-trump-sydney-sweeneys-american-eagle-ads-1236477752/ Trump Hails Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Ads After Reports Actress Is Registered Republican] ''Deadline'' (August 4, 2025)

* One of the things they're going to be talking about pretty soon are the tremendous drop in drug prices. You know, we've cut drug prices by 1,200, 1,300, 1,400, 1,500 percent. I don't mean 50 percent. I mean 14-, 1,500 percent.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-doubles-down-impossible-drug-price-cuts-2108365 &quot;Donald Trump Doubles Down on Mathematically Impossible Drug Price Cuts&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (August 4, 2025)

*We have an opportunity in Texas to pick up five [congressional] seats. We have a really good governor, and we have good people in Texas. And I won Texas. I got the highest vote in the history of Texas, as you probably know, and we are entitled to five more seats.
**Regarding the recently proposed congressional state map that, if passed by the state’s legislature, would boost the Republican party’s chances of maintaining control of the House in the 2026 midterms [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/08/05/trump-texas-redistricting-00493624 Trump on Texas redistricting: ‘We are entitled to 5 more seats’] ''Politico'' (August 5, 2025)

* I have poll numbers where I’m 71 percent. I have the best poll numbers.
* Among Republicans, 94 and 95 percent. 
* Fox gives me terrible polls all the time, you know, they do nothing, but they… I’ve never had a good poll with Fox. 
** [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/trump-loses-it-on-cnbc-when-hosts-fact-check-insane-approval-rating-whopper-nbc-is-the-worst/ &quot;Trump Loses It on CNBC When Hosts Fact Check Insane Approval Rating Whopper: NBC Is the ‘Worst’&quot;] ''Mediaite'' (August 5, 2025)

*And that’s a gift. That’s not like, you know, a loan, by the way. That’s not a loan that, ‘Oh, gee, three years comes up. We have to pay it back.’ There’s nothing to pay back. They gave us $600 billion that we can invest in anything we want. ... [T]here are no details. The details are $600 billion to invest in anything I want. Anything. I can do anything I want.
**Claiming the European Union was giving the United States a $600 billion gift that turned out to be untrue [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trumps-claim-600-billion-gift-european-union-quietly-falls-apart-rcna226564 Trump’s claim about a $600 billion ‘gift’ from the European Union quietly falls apart] ''MSNBC'' (August 5, 2025)[https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/05/cnbc-transcript-president-of-the-united-states-donald-trump-speaks-with-cnbcs-squawk-box-today-.html]

*I have to say that somebody from DOGE was very badly hurt… A young man who was beat up by a bunch of thugs in DC, and either they’re gonna straighten their act out in the terms of government and in terms of protection or we’re gonna have to federalize and run it the way it’s supposed to be run.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/06/politics/trump-federal-take-over-dc-doge-coristine-assault Trump reignites threat to take over DC after former DOGE worker assaulted in attempted carjacking] ''CNN'' (August 6, 2025)

* [[Stephen Colbert | Colbert]] has no talent. I mean, I could take anybody here. I could go outside in the beautiful streets and pick a couple of people that do just as well or better. They’d get higher ratings than he did. He’s got no talent.&lt;br&gt;[[Jimmy Fallon | Fallon]] has no talent. [[Jimmy Kimmel | Kimmel]] has no talent. They’re next. They’re going to be going. I hear they’re going to be going. I don’t know, but I would imagine because they’d get—you know, Colbert has better ratings than Kimmel or Fallon.
* It’s really good to see them go, and I hope I played a major part in it!
** Claimed after the popular late night show hosts and comedians criticised the policies of Trump, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2025/08/07/media/trump-repeats-claim-kimmel-fallon-are-next-after-stephen-colbert-cancellation/ &quot;Trump repeats claim Kimmel, Fallon are ‘next’ after Stephen Colbert cancellation&quot;] ''New York Post'' (August 7, 2025)

* IT'S MIDNIGHT! BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN TARIFFS ARE NOW FLOWING INTO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
** Claimed about tariffs paid by US importers, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-tariffs-latest-round-takes-effect-thursday-august-7-2025-rcna223461 &quot;New tariffs snap into effect, raising import taxes to highest level since Great Depression&quot;] ''NBC News'' (August 7, 2025)

*…I direct the Secretary of Defense to mobilize the District of Columbia National Guard and order members to active service, in such numbers as he deems necessary, to address the epidemic of crime in our Nation’s capital.  The mobilization and duration of duty shall remain in effect until I determine that conditions of law and order have been restored in the District of Columbia.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/08/restoring-law-and-order-in-the-district-of-columbia/ RESTORING LAW AND ORDER IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA] The White House (August 11, 2025)

*This is liberation day in D.C. and we’re going to take our capital back. We’re taking it back. Under the authorities vested in me as the president of the United States, I’m officially invoking section 740 of the District of Columbia Home Rule Act — you know what that is — and placing the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department under direct federal control.
**[https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-places-dc-police-under-151649421.html Trump Places DC Police Under Federal Control: ‘We’re Going to Take Our Capital Back’] ''Yahoo News'' (August 11, 2025)

*See, they fight back until you knock the hell out of them, because it’s the only language they understand...&lt;br&gt;You spit and we hit. And they’re standing there and people are spitting in their face and they’re not allowed to do anything. But &lt;b&gt;now they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want&lt;/b&gt;.
**Giving police permission to use whatever means of violence they want against Washington DC citizens, reported in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-takeover-dc-police-crime-b2807175.html Trump told cops to do ‘whatever the hell they want’ to fix DC. Here’s why that’s ‘extremely dangerous’] ''Independent'' (August 11, 2025)

* I don’t like being up here, talking about how unsafe and how dirty and disgusting this once-beautiful capital was.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-mistook-alaska-russia-yes-192134848.html &quot;Trump Thought Alaska Was Russia, And The Internet Is Having An Absolute Field Day With It&quot;] ''Yahoo News / Buzzfeed'' (August 11, 2025)

*  I’m going to see Putin. I’m going to Russia on Friday.
** [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-meeting-russia-alaska-ukraine-war-b2805880.html &quot;‘I’m going to Russia’: Trump appears to forget Alaska is in US as he frets over facing Putin&quot;] ''The Independent'' (August 12, 2025)

*Our Economy is booming, and E.J. will ensure that the Numbers released are HONEST and ACCURATE.
**Regarding his nomination of economist and contributor to Project 2025, E.J. Antoni, as the new Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-picks-heritage-economist-antoni-lead-us-labor-statistics-agency-2025-08-11/ Trump picks Heritage economist Antoni to lead US labor statistics agency] ''Reuters'' (August 12, 2025)

*There’s no deal until there’s a deal.
**After meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Anchorage, Alaska regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine War, [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/live-blog/trump-putin-summit-alaska-ukraine-war-russia-peace-live-updates-rcna224983 Trump-Putin summit ends without a deal on Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (August 15, 2025)

* Vladimir Putin said something – one of the most interesting things. He said: ‘Your election was rigged because you have [[w:Postal voting | mail-in voting]] … No country has mail-in voting. It’s impossible to have mail-in voting and have honest elections.’*
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/aug/16/love-in-a-cold-climate-putin-romances-trump-in-alaska-with-talk-of-rigged-elections-and-a-trip-to-moscow &quot;Love in a cold climate: Putin romances Trump in Alaska with talk of rigged elections and a trip to Moscow&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (August 16, 2025)

* I want to see a ceasefire rapidly.  I don’t know if it’s going to be today. But I’m not going to be happy if it’s not today.
** Said about the ongoing Russian warfare against Ukraine, quoted in [https://time.com/7309902/trump-putin-meeting-ultimatum-ceasefire-talks/ &quot;Trump Says No Deal Reached With Putin as Alaska Summit Ends Earlier Than Expected&quot;] ''Time Magazine'' (August 16, 2025)

* If I got Russia to give up Moscow as part of the Deal, the Fake News, and their PARTNER, the Radical Left Democrats, would say I made a terrible mistake and a very bad deal.  That’s why they are the FAKE NEWS!
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-if-i-got-russia-to-give-up-moscow-truth-social_n_68a1df07e4b07702299b5342 &quot;Trump Writes Post About Moscow That's Absurd Even For Him&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (August 17, 2025)

* The very unattractive (both inside and out!) Senator from Connecticut, Chris Murphy, said ‘Putin got everything that he wanted.’ Actually, ‘nobody got anything,’ too soon, but getting close. Murphy is a lightweight who thinks it made the Russian President look good in coming to America.
: Actually, it was very hard for President Putin to do so. This war can be ended, NOW, but stupid people like Chris Murphy, John Bolton, and others, make it much harder to do so.
:* [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-blasts-lightweight-dem-senator-who-criticized-putin-summit-alaska-stupid &quot;Trump blasts 'lightweight' Dem senator who criticized Putin summit in Alaska: 'Stupid'&quot;] ''FOX News'' (August 18, 2025)

[[File:Scourged back by McPherson &amp; Oliver, 1863, colourised.jpg|thumb|[[Smithsonian Institution|The Smithsonian]] is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible [[United States|our Country]] is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]].]]
* The Fake News has been saying for 3 days that I suffered a ‘major defeat’ by allowing President Vladimir Putin of Russia to have a major Summit in the United States.  Actually, he would have loved doing the meeting anywhere else but the U.S., and the Fake News knows this.
** Claimed about Vladimir Putin, who is subject to an [https://www.icc-cpi.int/news/situation-ukraine-icc-judges-issue-arrest-warrants-against-vladimir-vladimirovich-putin-and arrest warrant] that in most of the developed, democratic countries would have made him be arrested and sent to the International Criminal Court in Hague for prosecution for war crimes.  Quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5457134-trump-putin-summit-criticism/ &quot;Trump criticizes ‘fake news,’ Democrat, Zelensky in series of posts&quot;] ''The Hill'' (August 17, 2025)

* ''Said about Melania Trump and the son that Donald and Melania have together:''
: She’s got a great love of children, she has a wonderful son that she loves probably more than anybody, including me, I hate to say it,
:* [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-melania-barron-b2809877.html &quot;Trump admits that Melania loves Barron more than him: ‘I hate to say it’&quot;] ''Independent'' (August 18, 2025)

* Bela
** [https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/a-new-covfefe-donald-trumps-latest-one-word-post-confuses-internet-9105612 &quot;A New Covfefe? Donald Trump's Latest One-Word Post Confuses Internet&quot;] ''NDTV'' (August 18, 2025)

* The [[Museums]] throughout [[Washington D. C.|Washington]], but all over [[United States|the Country]] are, essentially, the last remaining segment of &quot;[[w:Woke|WOKE]].&quot; The Smithsonian is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible our Country is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]]. We are not going to allow this to happen, and I have instructed my [[attorneys]] to go through the [[Museums]], and start the exact same process that has been done with Colleges and [[Universities]] where tremendous progress has been made. This Country cannot be WOKE because WOKE IS BROKE. We have the “HOTTEST” Country in the World, and we want people to talk about it, including in our Museums.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115056914674717313 ''Truthsocial.com'' posting (August 19, 2025)]

* I want to try and get to heaven if possible…. I'm hearing I'm not doing well. …I am really at the bottom of the totem pole. But if I can get to heaven, this will be one of the reasons.
**Speaking on ''Fox and Friends'' regarding his desire to bring an end to the Russia-Ukraine War [https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/trump-tells-fox-hosts-hes-1338143 &quot;Donald Trump shares fears he won't go to heaven as he says he's 'not doing well'&quot;] '' The Mirror US'' (August 19, 2025)[https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-heaven-fears-health-1339753]

* When you go to a voting booth, and you do it the right way, and you go to a state that runs it properly, you go in -- they even asked me, they asked me for my license plate. I said, 'I don't know if I have it.' They said, 'Sir, you have to have it.' I was very impressed actually.&quot;
** [https://www.jalopnik.com/1944138/trump-claims-license-plate-voting/ &quot;Trump Claims He Was Asked For His License Plate At The Voting Booth&quot;] ''Jalopnink'' (August 19, 2025)

* MSNBC IS DOING SO POORLY IN THE RATINGS THAT THEY ARE LOOKING TO CHANGE THEIR NAME IN ORDER TO GET AWAY FROM THE STENCH OF THEIR FAKE NEWS PRODUCT.  SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH THEIR WEAK AND INEFFECTIVE OWNER, ‘CONCAST,’ HEADED BY DOPEY BRIAN ROBERTS, HOPELESSLY AND AIMLESSLY FLAILING IN THE WIND IN AN ATTEMPT TO DISASSOCIATE ITSELF FROM THE GARBAGE THAT THEY CREATED! MSNBC IS A FAILURE BY ANY NAME!!!”
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1210320/trump-cankles-truth-social-msnbc-lawrence-odonnell-video/ &quot;Trump Rants Against MSNBC After Lawrence O’Donnell Mocks His ‘Cankle’ Issue&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (August 21, 2025)

*They say, ‘we don’t need him, freedom, freedom, he’s a dictator, he’s a dictator.’ A lot of people are saying, ‘Maybe we would like a dictator.’ I don’t like a dictator; I’m not a dictator. I’m a man with great common sense, and I’m a smart person.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-dictator-crime-cities-b2813664.html Trump insists he is not a dictator - but claims that many people think the US could use one] ''Independent'' (August 25, 2025)

*Despite a very high popularity and, according to many, among the greatest 8 months in Presidential History, ABC &amp; NBC FAKE NEWS, two of the worst and most biased networks in history, give me 97% BAD STORIES. IF THAT IS THE CASE, THEY ARE SIMPLY AN ARM OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY AND SHOULD, ACCORDING TO MANY, HAVE THEIR LICENSES REVOKED BY THE FCC. I would be totally in favor of that because they are so biased and untruthful, an actual threat to our Democracy!!!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-media-nbc-abc-fcc-license-revoked-fees-2118632 Trump Calls For 'Fake News' Networks To Have Licenses Revoked by FCC] ''Newsweek'' (August 25, 2025)

* Except what is written and broadcast in the Fake News, I now have the highest poll numbers I’ve ever had, some in the 60’s and even 70’s.
** [https://www.nj.com/politics/2025/08/trump-keeps-boasting-about-his-popularity-but-where-does-he-really-stand.html &quot;Trump keeps boasting about his popularity. But where does he really stand?&quot;] ''NJ.com'' (August 25, 2025)

* If you burn a flag, you get one year in jail; no early exits, no nothing.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/8/25/trump-bans-burning-of-us-flag-in-defiance-of-constitutional-protections &quot;Trump bans burning of US flag in defiance of constitutional protections&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (August 25, 2025)

* WHAT IS GOING ON IN SOUTH KOREA? Seems like a Purge or Revolution. We can’t have that and do business there.
** [https://eu.detroitnews.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/25/trump-claims-purge-or-revolution-in-south-korea-ahead-of-meeting-with-new-leader/85820943007/ &quot;Trump claims 'Purge or Revolution' in South Korea ahead of meeting with new leader&quot;] ''Detroit News'' (August 25, 2025)

*And I don't like getting into looks. You know, looks don't mean anything, right? When you're in politics, looks don't matter.&lt;br&gt;Look at Pam, I would never say she was beautiful because that would be the end of my political career.
**[https://www.irishstar.com/news/politics/breaking-donald-trump-makes-creepy-35530513 Donald Trump makes 'creepy' flirty comment toward Pam Bondi during Cabinet meeting] ''Irish Star'' (August 26, 2025)

*The Department of Defense… It didn’t sound good — defense. Why are we on defense? So it used to be called the Department of War, and it had a stronger sound. And as you know, we won World War I. We won World War II. We won everything. Now we have a Department of Defense. We’re defenders.&lt;br&gt; I think Department of War, it just sounded better. We want defense, but we want offense too, if that’s OK. So you’ll make a decision. But you know, as Department of War, we won everything.
**[https://indianexpress.com/article/world/trump-renaming-pentagon-department-of-war-10212728/ Trump wants to rename Department of Defense as ‘Department of War’: ‘It has a stronger sound’] ''The Indian Express'' (August 26, 2025)

* Baltimore is a hellhole.
** [https://www.fox13now.com/politics/the-president/trump-calls-baltimore-a-hellhole-during-cabinet-meeting &quot;Trump calls Baltimore a 'hellhole' during cabinet meeting&quot;] ''Fox 13'' (August 26, 2025)

* I have the right to do anything I want to do. I'm the president of the United States. If I think our country is in danger, and it is in danger in these cities, I can do it.
** [https://rollcall.com/2025/08/27/the-u-s-system-always-had-loopholes-trump-2-0-exploits-what-others-resisted/ The US system always had loopholes. Trump 2.0 exploits what others resisted] ''Roll Call'' (August 26, 2025)

* There is a sick rumour going around that Fake News NBC extended the contract of one of the least talented late-night television hosts out there, Seth Meyers. He has no Ratings, Talent, or Intelligence, and the Personality of an insecure child.  So, why would Fake News NBC extend this dope’s contract. I don’t know, but I’ll definitely be finding out!!!
** [https://www.livemint.com/news/us-news/after-stephen-colbert-donald-trump-now-targets-seth-meyers-host-of-late-night-personality-of-an-insecure-child-11756289725956.html &quot;After Stephen Colbert, Donald Trump now targets Seth Meyers, host of ‘Late Night’: ‘Personality of an insecure child’&quot;] ''Mint'' (August 27, 2025)

* I’m sure that Ukraine thought they were going to win, you’re going to beat someone that’s 15 times your size ... you don’t go into a war that’s 15 times your size.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-repeats-favourite-kremlin-talking-113114361.html &quot;Trump Repeats His Favourite Kremlin Talking Point In Latest Anti-Ukraine Outburst&quot;] ''Yahoo / Huffington Post'' (August 27, 2025)

*Today a Highly Partisan Appeals Court incorrectly said that our Tariffs should be removed, but they know the United States of America will win in the end. If these Tariffs ever went away, it would be a total disaster for the Country. It would make us financially weak, and we have to be strong…. For many years, Tariffs were allowed to be used against us by our uncaring and unwise Politicians. Now, with the help of the United States Supreme Court, we will use them to the benefit of our Nation, and Make America Rich, Strong, and Powerful Again!
**[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/29/most-trump-tariffs-are-not-legal-us-appeals-court-rules/85895611007/ Most Trump tariffs are illegal, appeals court rules, setting up Supreme Court showdown] ''USA Today'' (August 29, 2025)

==== September 2025 ====

*NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE
**In response to questions about his health (bruised hands, swollen ankles, crooked gait) and lack of recent public appearances [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-health-rumors-response-truth-social-b2817486.html Trump claps back after weekend of speculation about his health: ‘Never felt better in my life’] ''The Independent'' (September 1, 2025)[https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/international/global-trends/why-is-trump-struggling-to-walk-in-a-straight-line-new-questions-erupt-over-us-presidents-health-after-summit-with-putin/articleshow/123331093.cms]

*The problem I have with Colorado, one of the big problems, is they do mail-in voting. They went to all mail-in voting, so they have automatically crooked elections and we can’t have that. When a state is for mail-in voting that means they want dishonest elections because that’s what that means.
**One of the reasons given for moving U.S. Space Command headquarters from Colorado to Alabama [https://www.msn.com/en-nz/news/other/trump-ends-turf-war-and-will-move-space-command-hq-to-alabama-from-colorado/ar-AA1LJwJY Trump ends turf war and will move Space Command HQ to Alabama from Colorado] ''MSN'' (September 2, 2025)

* I used, at the White House, the most beautiful marble and stone available anywhere. Surfaces are very important to me as a Builder. As everyone knows, I built many GREAT Buildings, and other things, over the years. At the White House, I am very proud of the beautiful stonework we did in the Rose Garden, in this case, using limestone plus. The Rose Garden is completed, and far more beautiful than anyone ever had in mind when it was conceived of decades ago. Three days ago, while admiring the stonework, I happened to notice a huge gash in the limestone that extended more than 25 yards long. It was deep and nasty! I started yelling, “Who did this, and I want to find out now!” — And I didn’t say this in a nice manner. I wondered, “Was it vandalism or, was it stupidity?” Lo and behold, because of the fact that we’ve installed the finest security equipment anywhere, they brought back the stupid people, with their boss watching (in sunglasses!). It was a subcontractor that was installing heavy landscaping on a steel cart that was broken and tilting badly, with it rubbing hard against the soft, beautiful stone. I love and respect great workers and contractors but something like this should never happen. Now, I’ll replace the stone, charge the contractor, and never let that contractor work at the White House again — But, how great is the video equipment? We caught them, cold. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a65961231/trump-rose-garden-truth-social/ &quot;Trump Caught Whoever Scraped Up the Renovated White House Rose Garden&quot;] ''Esquire'' (September 2, 2025)

*I want to try and get to Heaven
**From a campaign fundraising email asking supporters to contribute $15 during a 24-hour fundraising blitz [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-heaven-donations-2123679 Donald Trump Asks For $15 Donations to 'Get to Heaven'] ''Newsweek'' (September 3, 2025)

* Without the United States, everything in the world would die.
* We get along with India very well.
** [https://www.businesstoday.in/world/us/story/without-us-everything-in-world-would-die-trump-defends-his-tariffs-as-war-settler-492175-2025-09-03 &quot;'Without US, everything in world would die': Trump defends his tariffs as 'war settler'&quot;] ''Business Today'' (September 3, 2025)

* Looks like we've lost India and Russia to deepest, darkest China. May they have a long and prosperous future together!
** [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/weve-lost-india-russia-to-deepest-darkest-china-donald-trumps-latest-9222384 &quot;&quot;We've Lost India, Russia To Deepest, Darkest China&quot;: Donald Trump's Latest&quot;] ''NDTV'' (September 5, 2025)

* At least 54 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend, 8 people were killed. The last two weekends were similar.  &lt;b&gt;Chicago is the worst and most dangerous city in the World, by far&lt;/b&gt;. Pritzker needs help badly, he just doesn’t know it yet. I will solve the crime problem fast.  
* ‘I love the smell of deportations in the morning...’ &lt;b&gt;Chicago about to find out why it’s called the Department of WAR.&lt;/b&gt;
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/donald-trump-threatens-chicago-deportations-department-war-crackdown-rcna229544 &quot;'Chipocalypse Now': Trump threatens Chicago with deportations and Department of War ahead of potential crackdown&quot;] ''NBC News'' (September 6, 2025)&lt;/ref&gt;

* Our great West Point (getting greater all the time!) has smartly cancelled the Award Ceremony for actor Tom Hanks. Important move! We don’t need destructive, WOKE recipients getting our cherished American Awards!!! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/08/trump-tom-hanks-woke &quot;Trump attacks Tom Hanks after West Point cancels event honoring actor&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

* Look, you have some vaccines that are so amazing, the polio vaccine I happen to think is amazing. A lot of people think that Covid is amazing. You know there are many people that believe strongly in that. But you have some vaccines that are so incredible, and I think you have to be very careful when you say that some people don't have to be vaccinated. It's a very, you know, it's a very tough position, so I'll give you an answer. I'll give you the feeling, but just initially I heard about it yesterday and it's a tough stance. Look, you have vaccines that work. They just pure and simple work. They're not controversial at all, and I think those vaccine should be used. Otherwise some people are going to catch it and they endanger other people, and when you don’t have controversy at all, I think people should take it.
** Responding to the proposed removal of vaccination mandates in Florida. &quot;[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/14/florida-vaccine-joseph-ladapo-trump Florida vaccine mandate rollback falters after Trump criticism]&quot;, ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

*Things that take place in the home, they call crime. They’ll do anything they can to find something. &lt;b&gt;If a man has a little fight with the wife, they say this was a crime scene.&lt;/b&gt;
**Expressing frustration that domestic violence incidents are counted as part of city-wide crime totals, thus raising the number of verified crimes in Washington DC [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-domestic-violence-crime-statistics-b2822877.html ‘A little fight with the wife’: Trump suggests domestic violence should not be counted in official crime statistics] ''Independent'' (September 9, 2025)

*It’s long past time for all Americans and the media to confront the fact that violence and murder are the tragic consequence of demonizing those with whom you disagree day after day, year after year, in the most hateful and despicable way possible. 
**[https://time.com/7316299/charlie-kirk-shot-death-donald-trump-speech-transcript-political-violence/ ‘A Dark Moment for America’: Trump Responds to Charlie Kirk’s Death] ''Time'' (September 10, 2025)

*I tell you something that is going to get me in trouble, but I couldn’t care less. The radicals on the right are radical because they don’t want to see crime … The radicals on the left are the problem – and they are vicious and horrible and politically savvy. They want men in women’s sports, they want transgender for everyone, they want open borders. The worst thing that happened to this country.
**In response to Ainsley Earhardt’s questions, “How do we fix this country? How do we come back together?” following the shooting death of Charlie Kirk [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/12/trump-fox-friends-charlie-kirk-shooting Trump declines to call for unity after Charlie Kirk killing in stunning move] ''The Guardian'' (September 12, 2025)

*I have read someplace that the networks were 97% against me, again, 97% negative, and yet I won and easily, all seven swing states. ... They give me only bad publicity, press. I mean, they’re getting a license. I would think maybe their license should be taken away….&lt;br&gt;When you have a network and you have evening shows, and all they do is hit Trump. That’s all they do. If you go back, I guess they haven’t had a conservative on in years or something somebody said. But when you go back, take a look, all they do is hit Trump. They’re licensed. They’re not allowed to do that. They’re an arm of the Democrat Party.
**Speaking to reporters aboard Air Force One [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/not-allowed-trump-makes-ridiculous-new-claims-media-critics-free-press-rcna232231 ‘Not allowed’: Trump makes ridiculous new claims about media critics and the free press] MSNBC (September 18, 2025)

*He was a missionary with a noble spirit and a great, great purpose. He did not hate his opponents. He wanted the best for them. That’s where I disagreed with Charlie. I &lt;i&gt;hate&lt;/i&gt; my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them. I’m sorry.
**Speaking at Charlie Kirk memorial service [https://time.com/7319196/charlie-kirk-funeral-trump-watch/ Trump Says Kirk ‘Did Not Hate His Opponents … That’s Where I Disagreed With Charlie’ at Funeral for Conservative Activist] ''Time'' (September 21, 2025)

*Acetaminophen. Is that okay? Which is basically, commonly known as Tylenol. Can be associated with a very increased risk of autism. So taking Tylenol is not good. I’ll say it, it’s not good.

* '''Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.''' But with Tylenol, don't take it. Don't take it. And if you can't live, if your fever is so bad, you have to take one because there's no alternative to that. Sadly. First question, &quot;What can you take instead?&quot; It's actually, there's not an alternative to that. And as you know, other of the medicines are absolutely proven bad. I mean, they've been proven bad with the aspirins and the Advils and others, right? And they've been proven bad.
**At a press conference along with members of his administration [[Robert Francis Kennedy, Jr.]] and [[Mehmet Oz]], [https://singjupost.com/transcript-trump-rfk-jr-and-dr-oz-on-autism-rates-and-tylenol/ Transcript: Trump, RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz on Autism Rates and Tylenol] ''The Singju Post'' (September 22, 2025)

*I ended seven wars, dealt with the leaders of each and every one of these countries, and never even received a phone call from the United Nations offering to help in finalizing the deal. All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that on the way up stopped right in the middle. If the First Lady wasn't in great shape, she would've fallen. But she's in great shape. We're both in good shape, we both stood. And then a teleprompter that didn't work. These are the two things I got from the United Nations, a bad escalator and a bad teleprompter. Thank you very much....&lt;/br&gt;According to the Council of Europe, in 2024, almost 50% of inmates in German prisons were foreign nationals or migrants. In Austria, the number was 53% of the people in prisons were from places that weren't from where they are now. In Greece, the number was 54%. And in Switzerland, beautiful Switzerland, 72% of the people in prisons are from outside of Switzerland. When your prisons are filled with so-called asylum seekers who repaid kindness, and that's what they did, they repaid kindness with crime, it's time to end the failed experiment of open borders. You have to end it now. I see it, I can tell you. I'm really good at this stuff. Your countries are going to hell. In America, we've taken bold action to swiftly shut down uncontrolled migration. Once we started detaining and deporting everyone who crossed the border and removing illegal aliens from the United States, they simply stopped coming. They're not coming anymore.
**[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-at-un Speech to the United Nations] (September 23, 2025)

* I can’t believe ABC Fake News gave Jimmy Kimmel his job back. The White House was told by ABC that his Show was cancelled! Something happened between then and now because his audience is GONE, and his “talent” was never there. Why would they want someone back who does so poorly, who’s not funny, and who puts the Network in jeopardy by playing 99% positive Democrat GARBAGE. He is yet another arm of the DNC and, to the best of my knowledge, that would be a major Illegal Campaign Contribution. I think we’re going to test ABC out on this. Let’s see how we do. Last time I went after them, they gave me $16 Million Dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative. A true bunch of losers! Let Jimmy Kimmel rot in his bad Ratings.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/sep/24/jimmy-kimmel-says-trump-tried-his-best-to-cancel-him-as-his-show-returns-to-air-after-suspension &quot;Jimmy Kimmel says silencing comedians is ‘anti American’, as his show returns to air after suspension&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 24, 2025)

* I’m going to be meeting with generals and with admirals and with leaders, and if I don’t like somebody, I’m going to fire them right on the spot.
* I never walked into a room so silent before.  If you want to applaud, you applaud. You can do anything you want.  If you don’t like what I’m saying, you can leave the room. But there goes your rank and there goes your future.
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-threatens-to-fire-generals-meeting_n_68dbf67fe4b003b6c8dc2d76 &quot;Trump Threatens To Fire Military Leaders ‘On The Spot’ If They Cross Him&quot;] ''Huffignton Post'' (September 30, 2025)

*I hope I never have to use the nuclear arsenal.
**Spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare. 
***''[https://www.ansa.it/sito/notizie/mondo/nordamerica/2025/09/30/trump-spero-di-non-dover-mai-usare-larsenale-nucleare_aa475fa6-b9a4-4b3f-baa7-993c4e608307.html Trump, spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare]'', ''[[w:ANSA|ANSA]].it'', 30 September 2025 (in Italian)

==== October 2025 ====

* I am very proud to announce that [[Israel]] and [[Hamas]] have both signed off on the first Phase of our Peace Plan. This means that ALL of the Hostages will be released very soon, and Israel will withdraw their Troops to an agreed upon line as the first steps toward a Strong, Durable, and Everlasting [[Peace]]. All Parties will be treated fairly!&lt;br /&gt; This is a GREAT Day for the [[Arab]] and [[Muslim]] World, [[Israel]], all surrounding [[Nations]], and the [[United States of America]], and we thank the mediators from [[Qatar]], [[Egypt]], and [[Turkey]], who worked with us to make this [[Historic]] and Unprecedented Event happen. [[Blessings|BLESSED]] ARE THE PEACEMAKERS!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115340993884364431 Post on Truth Social (8 October 2025)] · also the [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-israel-and-hamas-accepting-peace-plan The American Presidency Project]

*After so many years of unceasing war and endless danger, today the skies are calm, the guns are silent, the sirens are still, and the sun rises on a Holy Land that is finally at peace, a land and a region that will live, God willing, in peace for all eternity.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-declares-end-israel-hamas-war-experts-hard/story?id=126482789 Trump declares end of Israel-Hamas war, but experts see the hard work as just beginning] ''ABC News'' (October 14, 2025)

*Over the next few days, it's going to be demolished. Everything out there is coming down, and we're replacing it with one of the most beautiful ballrooms that you've ever seen.
**Regarding the demolition of the [[w:East Wing|East Wing]] of the White House, speaking to donors for the construction of a new ballroom [https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article312585121.html Trump’s East Wing destruction echoes his tactics at Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower] ''Miami Herald'' (October 21, 2025)

*&quot;You're the third best President in the United…&quot; This was on television. &quot;Third best.&quot; And they said, &quot;Who are the first two? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.&quot; And I got extremely angry at this man. You know? It is going to be tough to beat, Mr. Senator... It's going to be very tough to beat Washington and Lincoln, but we're going to give it a try, right?
**Reacting to what a television commentator had said, [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-health-delusion-fears-36114247 Trump's latest rant fuels more health fears as he shows repeated delusion] ''Irish Times'' (October 22, 2025)

==== November 2025 ====

*Why does NBC waste its time and money on a guy like this??? – NO TALENT, NO RATINGS, 100% ANTI TRUMP, WHICH IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL!!!
**Referring to [[Seth Meyers]] in a Truth Social post [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-79-claims-illegal-night-003833952.html Trump, 79, Claims It’s ‘Illegal’ for Late-Night Host to Mock Him] Yahoo! News (November 1, 2025)

*SNAP BENEFITS, which increased by Billions and Billions of Dollars (MANY FOLD!) during Crooked Joe Biden's disastrous term in office, will be given only when the Radical Left Democrats open up government.
**[https://www.axios.com/2025/11/04/trump-snap-after-shutdown-ends?utm_source=chatgpt.com Trump says SNAP will only get paid after shutdown, defying multiple court orders] ''Axios'' (November 4, 2025)

*And you know, one other thing, our country has to remain very liquid because problems, catastrophes, wars, could be anything. We have to remain liquid.&lt;br&gt;We can’t give everything away based on a number.&lt;br&gt;Here’s an example. When I was president, the number that you’re talking about was a tiny fraction of what it is now. Biden went totally crazy, gave it to anybody that would ask, gave it to people that were able-bodied, had no problem.&lt;br&gt;Anybody who would ask would get the number. And it’s many times the number of people around.&lt;br&gt;This wasn’t meant for that. It was meant for people that had real problems, in many cases people that were down and out, people that could be saved.&lt;br&gt;It wasn’t for people who could do whatever they want, the people that say, Well, I don’t think I’ll work. I’ll just, you know, collect this money.
**When asked by a reporter what his message was to folks who are missing SNAP benefits [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-rant-staying-very-134934000.html Trump Goes on Rant About Staying ‘Very Liquid’ When Fox Reporter Confronts Him Over Judge’s SNAP-Food Stamps Order] Yahoo! News (November 7, 2025)

*They said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to talk about affordability. The reason I don’t want to talk about affordability is because everybody knows that it’s far less expensive under Trump than it was under Sleepy Joe Biden, and the prices are way down.
**[https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/cnn-host-skewers-trump-over-235330797.html CNN Host Skewers Trump Over Latest Food Price Claims: 'The Numbers Don't Lie'] ''Yahoo News'' (November 8, 2025)

*I don’t know that they are saying that. I think polls are fake. We have the greatest economy we’ve ever had.
**When asked by Fox News host [[Laura Ingraham]] &quot;Why are people saying they’re anxious about the economy?&quot; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/foxs-laura-ingraham-confronts-trump-on-50-year-mortgage-plan-is-that-really-a-good-idea/ Fox’s Laura Ingraham Confronts Trump on 50-Year Mortgage Plan: ‘Is That Really a Good Idea?’] ''Mediaite'' (November 10, 2025)

*Epstein was a Democrat, and he is the Democrat’s problem, not the Republican’s problem! Ask Bill Clinton, Reid Hoffman, and Larry Summers about Epstein, they know all about him, don’t waste your time with Trump. I have a Country to run!
**[https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-will-ask-justice-department-probe-epstein-ties-with-bill-clinton-2025-11-14/ Trump asks Justice Department to probe Epstein ties with Bill Clinton, other Democrats] ''Reuters'' (November 14, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115548539359870302]

* I had an MRI.  The doctor said it was the best result he has ever seen as a doctor.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-mri-walter-reed-doctor-b2865809.html &quot;Trump claims his recent MRI was part of regular checkup: ‘The doctor said it was the best result he’s ever seen as a doctor’&quot;] ''Independent'' (November 15, 2025)

* Marjorie 'Traitor' Green [sic] is a disgrace to our GREAT REPUBLICAN PARTY!
* All I see &quot;Wacky&quot; Marjorie do is COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN!
* She has told many people that she is upset that I don't return her phone calls anymore.  I can't take a ranting Lunatic's call every day.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c9wv4dx05q5o &quot;Feud erupts between Trump and ally Marjorie Taylor Greene ahead of Epstein files vote&quot;], ''BBC'' (November 16, 2025)

*I don’t think her life is in danger. I don’t think, frankly, I don’t think anybody cares about her.
**Responding to a reporter about [[Marjorie Taylor Greene]]’s claim that his comments are putting her life in danger [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-blasts-trump-vicious-unwarranted-attacks-re-rcna244351 Marjorie Taylor Greene blasts Trump for 'vicious' attacks after saying her company received a pipe bomb threat] ''NBC News'' (November 17, 2025)

* Quiet, piggy.
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/testy-trump-lashes-out-at-female-reporter-asking-about-epstein-quiet-piggy/ &quot;Trump Lashes Out at Female Reporter Asking About Epstein: ‘Quiet, Piggy!’&quot;] ''The Daily Beast'' (November 18, 2025)

*It’s called SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL. Each one of these traitors to our Country should be ARRESTED AND PUT ON TRIAL. Their words cannot be allowed to stand – We won’t have a Country anymore!!! An example MUST BE SET. President DJT
*This is really bad, and Dangerous to our Country. Their words cannot be allowed to stand. SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM TRAITORS!!! LOCK THEM UP??? President DJT
*SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR, punishable by DEATH!
**Series of Truth Social posts suggesting Senators Elissa Slotkin and Mark Kelly, as well as Representatives Jason Crow, Chris Deluzio, Chrissy Houlahan, and Maggie Goodlander be arrested and put to death for a video they made urging military members to “refuse illegal orders” issued “against American citizens” [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/an-example-must-be-set-trump-calls-for-democrats-who-urged-soldiers-to-disobey-illegal-orders-to-be-arrested-and-put-on-trial/ ‘Punishable by DEATH’: Trump Floats Execution for Democrats Who Urged Soldiers to Disobey Illegal Orders] ''Mediate'' (November 20, 2025)

*'''Reporter:''' [The Afghan refugee] was vetted and the vetting came up clean.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He went cuckoo. I mean, he went nuts, and that happens too. It happens too often with these people….There was no vetting or anything, they came in unvetted…&lt;br&gt;'''Reporter:''' Actually, your DOJ IG just reported this year that there was thorough vetting by DHS and by the FBI of these Afghans who were brought into the U.S. So why do you blame the Biden administration?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Because they let ’em in. Are you stupid? Are you a stupid person? Because they came into on a plane along with thousands of other people that shouldn’t be here, and you’re just asking questions because you’re a stupid person.
**Responding to a female reporter regarding the Afghan refugee, vetted by the Trump DOJ, who shot two national guardsmen in Washington DC on Thanksgiving Day [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-stupid-attack_n_6928ebbfe4b0237ded13a17a  Trump Rips Into Another Female Reporter With Incredibly 'Stupid' Personal Attack] ''Huffington Post'' (November 27, 2025)

===== Press conference with Zohran Mamdani (21 November 2025) =====
[[File:President Trump Meets with Zohran Mamdani, Mayor-Elect, New York City (11212025).webm|222px|right]]

* We have one thing in common. We want this city of ours that we love to do very well, and I wanted to congratulate the mayor. He really ran an incredible race against, you know, a lot of smart people, starting with the early primaries against some very tough people, very smart people, and he beat them and he beat them easily, and I congratulated him. … I think you're going to have hopefully a really great mayor. The better he does, the happier I am. I will say there's no difference in party. There's no difference in anything, and we're going to be helping him. To make everybody's dream come true, having a strong and very safe New York, and congratulations, [[Zohran Mamdani|Mr. Mayor]].

* I can tell you some of my views have [[changed]] and we had discussions on some things. I'm not going to discuss what they were, but that I feel very [[confident]] that he can do a very good job. I think I think he's going to be — I think he is going to [[surprise]] some [[conservative]] [[people]] actually — and some very [[liberal]] people — he won't surprise them because they already like him.

==== December 2025 ====

*If [drug producers] come through a certain country, or any country, or if we think they're building mills for, whether it's fentanyl or cocaine. I hear the country of Colombia is making cocaine, they have cocaine manufacturing plants... Anybody that's doing that and selling it into our country is subject to attack… Not just Venezuela.
**Indicates military strikes are possible in other countries if they are suspected of producing or transporting drugs [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-colombia-drugs-military-strikes-venezuela-11144611  Donald Trump Threatens Expanding Military Strikes to More Countries] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*Any and all Documents, Proclamations, Executive Orders, Memorandums, or Contracts, signed by Order of the now infamous and unauthorized 'AUTOPEN,' within the Administration of Joseph R. Biden Jr., are hereby null, void, and of no further force or effect. Anyone receiving 'Pardons,' 'Commutations,' or any other Legal Document so signed, please be advised that said Document has been fully and completely terminated, and is of no Legal effect.
**[https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-biden-autopen-pardons-invalid-11145591 Trump Says All Pardons, Commutations Signed by Biden Autopen ‘Terminated’] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*The word affordability is a con job by the Democrats. The word affordability is a Democrat scam.
**Responding to Democrats' complaints about inflation at today's Cabinet meeting [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/12/02/trump-cabinet-meeting-venezuela-live-updates/87566205007/ 'Affordability is a con job by the Democrats,' Trump says] ''USA Today'' (December 2, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Selina Wang:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you released video of that first boat strike on September 2nd, but not the second video. Will you release video [of the September 2 US military strikes against a suspected drug-smuggling boat in the Caribbean] so that the American people can see for themselves what happened?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I don’t know what they have, but whatever they have we’d certainly release, no problem.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 3, 2025)

* You'll never see me sleeping in front of a camera.
** [https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/2142156/sleepy-donald-trump-humiliated &quot;'Sleepy' Donald Trump humiliated with own words in resurfaced TV appearance&quot;] ''Express'' (December 4, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Rachel Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd off the coast of Venezuela. Secretary Hegseth now says –&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I didn’t say that. That’s – you said that, I didn’t say that. This is ABC fake news.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said that you would have no problem releasing the full vi(deo)….&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever Hegseth wants to do is OK with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; He now says it’s under review. Are you ordering the secretary to release that full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever he decides is OK with me. So every boat we knock out of the water, every boat, we save 25,000 American lives. That was a boat loaded up with drugs....&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Are you committed to releasing the full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Didn’t I just tell you that?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said it was up to Secretary Hegseth.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; You are the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. Let me just tell you, you are an obnoxious—actually, a terrible reporter, and it’s always the same with you.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 8, 2025)[https://newrepublic.com/post/204152/donald-trump-pulls-180-releasing-boat-strike-video]

* The word 'affordability' is a con job by the Democrats.  The word 'affordability' is a Democrat scam.
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2025/12/14/trump-economy-inflation-affordability-hoax/87725036007/ &quot;Stop criticizing Trump's bad economy. You're making him sad.&quot;] Opinion by Rex Hupke, in ''USA Today'' (December 14, 2025)

*A very sad thing happened last night in Hollywood. Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife, Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS. He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. May Rob and Michele rest in peace!
**Truth Social post one day after [[Wikipedia:Rob Reiner|Rob Reiner]] and his wife, Michele, were found dead in their Los Angeles home due to an apparent homicide [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-disparages-rob-reiner-political-views-murder/# Trump disparages Rob Reiner's political views a day after his murder] ''CBS News'' (December 15, 2025)

* I was never on Epstein's Plane.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c74xgp81pqgo &quot;Trump travelled on Epstein's plane more than previously thought, newly released prosecutor's email says&quot;] ''BBC'' (December 23, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country, but are failing badly.
** [https://www.trtworld.com/article/08dba4da974b &quot;Trump calls Democrats 'radical left scum' in Christmas Eve message] ''TRT World'' (December 25, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the many Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein, gave him bundles of money, went to his Island, attended his parties, and thought he was the greatest guy on earth, only to ‘drop him like a dog’ when things got too HOT, falsely claimed they had nothing to do with him, didn’t know him, said he was a disgusting person, and then blame, of course, President Donald J. Trump, who was actually the only one who did drop Epstein, and long before it became fashionable to do so.  
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/sleazebags-trump-wishes-merry-christmas-012444246.html &quot;'Sleazebags': Trump Wishes A Merry Christmas To ... Epstein Island Visitors?!?&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (December 26, 2025)

* My friends will get hurt.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-yelled-friends-hurt-marjorie-181823942.html Trump Yelled 'My Friends Will Get Hurt' at Marjorie Taylor Greene for Threatening to Name Epstein Abusers, She Claims] (December 29, 2025)


===== Address to the Nation (17 December 2025) =====
*Eleven months ago, I inherited a mess, and I’m fixing it. When I took office, inflation was the worst in 48 years, and some would say in the history of our country, which caused prices to be higher than ever before, making life unaffordable for millions and millions of Americans. This happened during a Democrat administration, and it’s when we first began hearing the word affordability.

*Over the past 11 months, we have brought more positive change to Washington than any administration in American history.

*For the last four years, the United States was ruled by politicians who fought only for insiders, illegal aliens, career criminals, corporate lobbyists, prisoners, terrorists and, above all, foreign nations, which took advantage of us at levels never seen before. They flooded your cities and towns with illegal aliens. They decimated your hard-earned savings. They indoctrinated your children with hate for America, released, really, I mean, they just released a level of violent felons that we had never seen to prey on innocent. They caused war. They caused mayhem. They caused a horrible situation all over the globe.

*Here at home, we are bringing our economy back from the brink of ruin. The last administration and their allies in Congress looted our Treasury for trillions of dollars, driving up prices and everything at levels never seen before. I am bringing those high prices down and bringing them down very fast.

*Democrat politicians also sent the cost of groceries soaring, but we are solving that, too. The price of a Thanksgiving turkey was down 33 percent compared to the Biden last year. The price of eggs is down 82 percent since March, and everything else is falling rapidly. And it’s not done yet, but boy, are we making progress. Nobody can believe what’s going on.

*Already, I’ve secured a record-breaking $18 trillion of investment into the United States, which means jobs, wage increases, growth, factory openings and far greater national security. Much of this success has been accomplished by tariffs, my favorite word, tariffs, which for many decades have been used successfully by other countries against us, but not anymore.

*One year ago, our country was dead. We were absolutely dead. Our country was ready to fail. Totally fail. Now we’re the hottest country anywhere in the world. And that’s said by every single leader that I’ve spoken to over the last five months.

*I negotiated directly with the drug companies and foreign nations, which were taken advantage of our country for many decades to slash prices on drugs and pharmaceuticals by as much as 400, 500 and even 600 percent.

*The current unaffordable care act was created to make insurance companies rich. It was bad health care at much too high a cost, and you see that now in the steep increase in premiums being demanded by the Democrats. And they are demanding those increases and it’s their fault. It is not the Republicans’ fault. It’s the Democrats’ fault. It’s the unaffordable care act, and everybody knew it.&lt;br&gt;Again, I want the money to go directly to the people so you can buy your own health care. You’ll get much better health care at a much lower price. The only losers will be insurance companies that have gotten rich, and the Democrat Party, which is totally controlled by those same insurance companies. They will not be happy, but that’s OK with me because you, the people, are finally going to be getting great health care at a lower cost.

*On Day 1, I declared a national energy emergency. Gasoline is now under $2.50 a gallon, and in much of the country, in some states, it, by the way, just hit $1.99 a gallon.

*Tonight, after 11 months, our border is secure, inflation has stopped, wages are up, prices are down, our nation is strong, America is respected, and our country is back, stronger than ever before. We’re poised for an economic boom the likes of which the world has never seen. Soon we will host the World Cup and the Olympics, both of which I got. But most importantly, we will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.&lt;br&gt;There could be no more fitting tribute to this epic milestone than to complete the comeback of America that began just one year ago. When the world looks at us next year, let them see a nation that is loyal to its citizens, faithful to its workers, confident to its identity, certain to its destiny and the envy of the entire globe. We are respected again, like we have never been respected before.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/17/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript-economy.html Full Transcript of President Trump’s Speech on the Economy] ''The New York Times'' (December 17, 2025)
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/17/politics/fact-check-trump-prime-time-address &quot;Fact check: Trump repeats numerous false claims in prime-time address&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 18, 2025)

===2026===
====January 2026====

*Peace. Peace on Earth.
**When asked what his New Year's resolution was [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/president-donald-trump-shares-his-new-years-resolution.print President Donald Trump shares his New Year's resolution] ''Fox News'' (January 1, 2026)

*Somalians ripped off that state for billions of dollars, billions every year, billions of dollars. And they contribute nothing. The welfare is like 88 percent. They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country. I’ll be honest with you, okay? Somebody said, ‘Oh, that’s not politically correct.’ I don’t care. I don’t want them in our country. Their country’s no good for a reason. Their country stinks, and we don’t want them in our country.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2025/12/02/somalis-minnesota-trump-walz-immigration-enforcement/ Trump rails against Somali migrants], ''Washington Post'' (January 4, 2026) 

*Yeah, there is one thing. My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me. I don’t need international law. I’m not looking to hurt people.
**When asked if there were any limits on his global powers [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/08/us/politics/trump-interview-power-morality.html?unlocked_article_code=1.C1A.ZfEI.Unv_CN3B-FBv&amp;smid=url- Trump Lays Out a Vision of Power Restrained Only by ‘My Own Morality’] ''The New York Times'' (January 8, 2026)

*I’m not talking about money for [[Greenland]], yet.&lt;br&gt;I might talk about that, but right now we are going to do something on Greenland, whether they like it or not. Because if we don’t do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland, and we’re not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor.&lt;br&gt;…The fact that [Denmark] had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land. [I’m] sure we had lots of boats go there also.&lt;br&gt;So we’re going to be doing something with Greenland, either the nice way or the more difficult [way].
**[https://www.cnbc.com/2026/01/09/trump-greenland-military-denmark-nato.html Trump: ‘We are going to do something on Greenland whether they like it or not’] ''CNBC'' (January 9, 2026)

* You got to win the midterms because if we don't win the midterms, it's just going to be — I mean, they'll find a reason to impeach me. &lt;b&gt;I'll get impeached.&lt;/b&gt;
* They say that when you win the presidency, you lose the midterm. So, you're all brilliant people. Most of you are in this business longer than me. That makes me smarter than you, because look where I am right? No, it doesn't. But I wish you could, explain to me what the hell's going on with the mind of the public. Because we have a — we have the right policy. They don't. They have a horrible policy. They do stick together.
* They had the worst president, did the worst job. They had the worst policy. We have to even run against these people. Now, I won't say cancel the election, &lt;b&gt;they should cancel the election&lt;/b&gt;, because the fake news will say, 'He wants the elections canceled. He's a dictator.' They always call me a dictator.
** [https://eu.delawareonline.com/story/news/2026/01/15/trump-impeachment-update-2026-is-trump-getting-impeached-midterm-elections-cancelled-predictions/88195759007/ &quot;Is Trump getting impeached in 2026? Here's what he said about cancelling midterms&quot;] ''Delaware Online / USA TODAY NETWORK'' (January 15, 2026)

* Dear Jonas:  Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, &lt;b&gt;I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace&lt;/b&gt;, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America. Denmark cannot protect that land from Russia or China, and why do they have a “right of ownership” anyway? There are no written documents, it’s only a boat that landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also. &lt;b&gt;I have done more for NATO than any person since its founding&lt;/b&gt;, and &lt;b&gt;now, NATO should do something for the United States. The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland.&lt;/b&gt; Thank you! President DJT
** Message to Norwegian prime minister [[w:Jonas Gahr Støre|Jonas Gahr Støre]], as cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/01/trump-letter-to-norway/685676/ &quot;Trump’s Letter to Norway Should Be the Last Straw - Will Republicans in Congress ever step in?&quot;] ''The Atlantic'' (January 19, 2026)
* I don't care about the Nobel Prize. 
* I think I have saved tens of millions of lives.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/01/20/us/video/trump-dont-care-about-the-nobel-prize-digvid-vrtc &quot;Trump: I don't care about the Nobel prize&quot;] ''CNN'' (January 20, 2026)

===== Remarks on U.S. military operations in Venezuela (3 January 2026) =====

* Late last night and early today at my direction the United States armed forces conducted [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|an extraordinary military operation]] in the capital of [[Venezuela]].

* The lights of Caracas were largely turned off due to a certain expertise that we have. It was dark and it was deadly. But captured along with his wife, [[w:Cilia Flores|Cilia Flores]], both of whom now face American justice. 

* '''We are going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper and judicious transition.'''

* Under our new national security strategy, American dominance in the western hemisphere will never be questioned again.

*'''We're going to be taking out a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground''', and that wealth is going to the people of Venezuela and people from outside of Venezuela that used to be in Venezuela, and it goes also to the United States of America in the form of reimbursement for the damages caused by that country.
**Response to a question from the press following his remarks on operations in Venezuela [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-vow-run-venezuela-sell-oil-part-plan/story?id=128873221 Trump's vow to 'run' Venezuela, sell oil, part of plan to dominate Western Hemisphere] ''ABC News'' (January 3, 2026)

==== February 2026====
[[File:Kennedy Center (46399777861).jpg|thumb| The [[w:Kennedy Center|Trump Kennedy Center]] will close on [[Independence Day (United States)|July 4th]], 2026, in [[honor]] of the 250th Anniversary of [[United States|our Country]], whereupon we will simultaneously begin Construction of the new and spectacular Entertainment Complex.]]

* I have determined that the fastest way to bring [[w:Kennedy Center|The Trump Kennedy Center]] to the highest level of Success, Beauty, and Grandeur, is to cease Entertainment Operations for an approximately two year period of time, with a scheduled Grand Reopening that will rival and surpass anything that has taken place with respect to such a Facility before.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115997939705121174 Announcement of closure] of the [[w:Kennedy Center|John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts]] (1 February 2026), referred to by Trump as &quot;The Trump Kennedy Center&quot; without authorization of such a renaming by the US Congress.

* The Grammy Awards are the WORST, virtually unwatchable! Noah said, INCORRECTLY about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/02/02/politics/trevor-noah-trump-grammys-epstein &quot;Trump slams Grammys and threatens to sue host Trevor Noah after Epstein joke&quot;] ''CNN'' (February 2, 2026)

* I don't want to drive housing prices down, I want to drive housing prices up for people that own their homes and they can be assured that's what's going to happen.
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-wants-drive-us-house-103900744.html &quot;Trump wants to drive US house prices up for homeowners, block those who don’t ‘work very hard’ from buying. Do this now&quot;] ''Moneywise / Yahoo Finance'' (February 4, 2026)

* ''About the 2024 election:'' I had to win it. I needed it for my own ego. I would have had a bad ego for the rest of my life. Now I really have a big ego. 
* I don’t know how a person of faith can vote for a Democrat.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/05/trump-religious-right-republicans &quot;The way, the Trump and the lies: prayer breakfast displays US right’s devil’s pact&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (February 5, 2026)

* U.S. Olympic Skier, Hunter Hess, a real Loser, says he doesn’t represent his Country in the current Winter Olympics.  If that’s the case, he shouldn’t have tried out for the Team, and it’s too bad he’s on it.
** Written about Hunter Hess, who has said that just because he's wearing the flag doesn't mean he is representing all that is going on in the US, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5728563-trump-rips-hunter-hess-olympics/ &quot;Trump rips Olympic skier over remarks about representing US&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 8, 2026)

* The Super Bowl Halftime Show is absolutely terrible, one of the worst, EVER!  It makes no sense, is an affront to the Greatness of America, and doesn’t represent our standards of Success, Creativity, or Excellence.
** Claimed about the show with the US rapper [[w:Bad Bunny | Bad Bunny]], quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-bad-bunnys-super-bowl-halftime-show-was-absolutely-terrible-2026-02-09/ &quot;Trump says Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime was 'absolutely terrible'&quot;] ''Reuters'' ( February 9, 2026) 

* I am predicting 100,000 on the DOW by the end of my Term. REMEMBER TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everything-credits-tariffs-193104611.html &quot;Trump Says He 'Was Right About Everything,' Credits Tariffs For Dow Jones At 50,000, Predicts It Will Reach 100,000 By This Time&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance'' (February 10, 2026)

* TARIFFS have given us Great National Security because the mere mention of the word has Countries agreeing to our strongest wishes,
* Any Republican, in the House or the Senate, that votes against TARIFFS will seriously suffer the consequences come Election time, and that includes Primaries!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5734521-trump-tariffs-primary-threat/ &quot;Trump threatens ‘consequences’ for Republicans who voted against tariffs on Canada&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 11, 2026)

===== Announcement of major combat operations in Iran (28 February 2026) =====
[[File:President Donald J. Trump on the United States Military Major Combat Operations in Iran.webm|thumb|Trump on major combat operations in Iran]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack Full statement at PBS (28 February 2026)]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Trump announcing strikes on Iran, February 28 2026.png|thumb|A short time ago, the [[United States]] [[military]] began [[w:2026 Israeli–United States strikes on Iran|major combat operations]] in [[Iran]].]]
[[File:President Donald J. Trump oversees Operation Epic Fury at Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, FL, Feb. 28, 2026. (White House photo by Daniel Torok) (55121599389).jpg|thumb|My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war.]]

* A short time ago, the United States military began major combat operations in Iran. Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime. A vicious group of very hard, terrible people. Its menacing activities directly endanger the United States, our troops, our bases overseas, and our allies throughout the world.

* Iran is the world's number one state sponsor of terror, and just recently killed tens of thousands of its own citizens on the street as they protested. It has always been the policy of the United States, in particular my administration, that this terrorist regime can never have a nuclear weapon. I'll say it again, they can never have a nuclear weapon.

* They've rejected every opportunity to renounce their nuclear ambitions, and we can't take it anymore. Instead, they attempted to rebuild their nuclear program and to continue developing the long range missiles that can now threaten our very good friends and allies in Europe, our troops stationed overseas, and could soon reach the American homeland. Just imagine how emboldened this regime would be if they ever had, and actually were armed with nuclear weapons as a means to deliver their message. &lt;br /&gt; For these reasons, the United States military is undertaking a massive and ongoing operation to prevent this very wicked, radical dictatorship from threatening America and our core national security interests. We're going to destroy their missiles and raze their missile industry to the ground. It will be totally again obliterated. We're going to annihilate their navy. We're going to ensure that the region's terrorist proxies can no longer destabilize the region or the world and attack our forces, and no longer use their IEDs, or roadside bombs as they are sometimes called, to so gravely wound and kill thousands and thousands of people, including many Americans. And we will ensure that Iran does not obtain a nuclear weapon. It's a very simple message. They will never have a nuclear weapon.

* This regime will soon learn that no one should challenge the strength and might of the United States Armed Forces. I built and rebuilt our military in my first administration and there is no military on earth even close to its power, strength or sophistication. My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war. But we're doing this not for now. We're doing this for the future. And it is a noble mission. We pray for every service member as they selflessly risk their lives to ensure that Americans and our children will never be threatened by a nuclear-armed Iran. We ask God to protect all of our heroes in harm's way. And we trust that with his help, the men and women of the armed forces will prevail. We have the greatest in the world, and they will prevail.

* To the members of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the armed forces and all of the police, I say tonight that you must lay down your weapons and have complete immunity. Or in the alternative, face certain death. So, lay down your arms. You will be treated fairly with total immunity, or you will face certain death. Finally, to the great proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand. Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere. When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for generations. &lt;br /&gt; For many years, you have asked for America's help. But you never got it. No president was willing to do what I am willing to do tonight. Now you have a president who is giving you what you want. So let's see how you respond. America is backing you with overwhelming strength and devastating force. Now is the time to seize control of your destiny, and to unleash the prosperous and glorious future that is close within your reach. This is the moment for action. Do not let it pass.

==== March 2026 ====
{{See also|2026 Iran war}}

* There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!
* IRAN WILL HAVE A GREAT FUTURE. 'MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN (MIGA!).'” 
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2029923412269809980 &quot;UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!&quot;] ''The White House'' (March 6, 2026)

* Iran, which is being beat to HELL, has apologized and surrendered to its Middle East neighbors, and promised that it will not shoot at them anymore. This promise was only made because of the relentless U.S. and Israeli attack... Iran is no longer the 'Bully of the Middle East,' they are, instead, 'THE LOSER OF THE MIDDLE EAST,'
** [https://www.instagram.com/p/DVliTBoFFXd/ &quot;IRAN WILL BE HIT VERY HARD!&quot;] ''White House'' (March 7, 2026)

* I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
* If you look, they have nothing left. There's nothing left in a military sense.
* If they do anything bad, that would be the end of Iran and you'd never hear the name again.
* Wrapping up is all in my mind, nobody else's.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says &quot;the war is very complete,&quot; and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;] ''CBS News'' (March 9, 2026)

* We think they should put a president in or the head of the country that’s going to be able to do something peacefully for a change. They’ve been doing this for 47 years, killing people for 47 years. Whether it’s the barracks or even the SS Cole where they were involved, very strongly, they always denied it.  But they were very strongly involved and all of the &lt;b&gt;people that died through the roadside bombs died and are right now walking around with no legs, no arms.&lt;/b&gt; A face that’s been so badly damaged.
** Claimed about the people of Iran and about the [[w:October 2000 bombing of USS Cole | October 2000 bombing of USS Cole ]] in Yemen by Al Qaida, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/207572/trump-rant-dead-soldiers-walking-around-no-legs-iran &quot;Trump Goes on Deranged Rant About Dead Soldiers Walking Around&quot;] ''The New Republic'' (March 10, 2026)

* These ships should go through the Strait of Hormuz and show some guts, there’s nothing to be afraid of ... They have no Navy, we sunk all their ships.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/hormuz-strait-attacks-follow-trump-saying-crews-should-show-some-guts-11660339 &quot;Hormuz Strait Attacks Follow Trump Saying Crews Should ‘Show Some Guts’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (March 11, 2026)

* The United States is the largest oil producer in the world, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money.
* The straits are in great shape. We’ve knocked out all of their boats. They have some missiles, but not very many. I think we’re in very good … we’re in very good shape.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5780543-us-oil-prices-trump/ &quot;Trump: ‘When oil prices go up, we make a lot of money’&quot;] ''The Hill'' (March 12, 2026)

* I don't want the president of the United States to have a cognitive deficiency.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/newsom-trump-cognitive-ability-2028-election-b2936871.html &quot;Newsom gives scathing two-word retort after Trump publicly questions governor’s mental health and ‘cognitive’ ability&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 12, 2026)

* You never like to say too early you won. We won. We won the bet — in the first hour, it was over.
** [https://www.ms.now/news/news-analysis/trump-iran-winning-project-47-newsletter &quot;‘We’ve won’: Trump’s declarations of victory in war with Iran defy reality&quot;] ''MS Now'' (March 12, 2026)

* It's an excursion that will keep us out of a war, and the war is going to be, uh -- I mean, for them it's a war. For us, it's turned out to be easier than we thought.
** [https://abcnews.com/Politics/excursion-war-trump-analysis/story?id=131003550 &quot;A 'little excursion' or 'war'? It's 'both,' Trump says: ANALYSIS&quot;] ''ABC News'' (March 13, 2026)

* Watch what happens to these deranged scumbags today.  They’ve been killing innocent people all over the world for 47 years, and now I, as the 47th President of the United States of America, am killing them. What a great honor it is to do so! 
** [https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2026-03-15/trump-hegseth-iran-war-rhetoric &quot;Trump’s war rhetoric is coarse. It’s also heard differently, depending on the audience&quot;] ''Los Angeles Times'' (March 15, 2026)

* We may hit it a few more times just for fun.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/15/trump-says-us-may-hit-irans-kharg-island-again-just-for-fun &quot;Trump says US may hit Iran’s Kharg Island again ‘just for fun’&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (March 15, 2026)

* I’ve spoken to a certain president, who I like, actually. A past president, a former president. He said, 'I wish I did it.' But they didn't do it. I'm doing it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-president-call-b2940315.html &quot;Trump says he spoke to an ex-president who praised his Iran War. They all deny taking the call&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 17, 2026)

* ''About [[w:Joe Kent | Joe Kent]], former director of the National Counterterrorism Center:'' It’s a good thing that he’s out because he said Iran was not a threat. 
** [https://washingtonstatestandard.com/2026/03/17/was-joe-kent-leaving-trump-administration-over-war-in-iran/ &quot;WA’s Joe Kent leaving Trump administration over war in Iran&quot;] ''Washington State Standard'' (March 17, 2026)

* My attitude is, we don’t need anybody. We’re the strongest nation in the world. We have the strongest military by far in the world. We don’t need them.
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1252321/cnns-kasie-hunt-mocks-trump-over-his-bizarre-press-briefing/ &quot;CNN’s Kasie Hunt Mocks Trump Over His Bizarre Press Briefing&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (March 17, 2026)

* NATO nations have done absolutely nothing to help with the lunatic nation, now militarily decimated, of Iran. the U.S.A needs nothing from NATO, but “never forget&quot; this very important point in time!&quot;
** [https://www.news18.com/world/done-absolutely-nothing-trump-fires-at-nato-nations-for-no-action-on-lunatic-iran-9998722.html &quot;'Done Absolutely Nothing': Trump Fires At NATO Nations For No Action On 'Lunatic Iran'&quot;] ''News 18'' (March 26, 2026)

* When we go in, we went in very hard, and we didn't tell anybody about it, because we wanted surprise—Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?
** In response to a reporter questioning why the US did not inform its NATO allies before launching strikes on Iran, during a joint press conference with Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/pearl-harbor-joke-iran-operation-meeting-japan-prime-minister-war-rcna264325 &quot;Trump makes Pearl Harbor joke during meeting with Japanese prime minister&quot;] ''NBC News'' (March 19, 2026)

* ''About the attack on Iran:'' We could have dialogue, but I don’t want to do a ceasefire.  You know you don’t do a ceasefire when you’re literally obliterating the other side.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/03/20/trump-iran-war-ceasefire.html &quot;Trump says he doesn’t want Iran war ceasefire, but is considering ‘winding down’ military ops&quot;] ''CNBC'' (March 20, 2026)

* Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/21/robert-mueller-special-counsel-trump-russia-dies &quot;Robert Mueller, special counsel who investigated Trump-Russia ties, dies at 81&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (March 21, 2026)

* I read a story today that I’m desperate to make a deal…. I’m the opposite of desperate. I don’t care. I want to know ― in fact, we have other targets we want to hit before we leave. We’re hitting them on a daily basis.
* We don’t need the Hormuz Strait. We don’t need it. We don’t need it at all. We don’t ― we have so much oil. Our country is not affected by this.  
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-iran-peace-deal_n_69c58c70e4b09f8e00509ee8 &quot;Trump Trots Out Wildly Contradictory Iran War Claims — And Says He Doesn't Care If There's A Peace Deal&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (March 26, 2026)

: ''About the US attack on Iran:'' 
* I can’t say what we’re going to do because if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here for long. They’d probably — what is it called? The 25th Amendment? — They’d institute the 25th Amendment.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/donald-trump-jokes-cabinet-25th-103104867.html &quot;Donald Trump Jokes Cabinet Would Use 25th Amendment to Remove Him&quot;] ''Mandatory / Yahoo News'' (March 27, 2026)

* See, I get into a war — of course, they call it a war, I call it a military conflict.  But there’s a legal reason for that.  I said, ‘Look, you know, we have a thing called a war,’ or as they would rather say, a military operation. It’s for legal reasons.  I say ‘military’ because as a military operation, I don’t need any approvals. As a war, you’re supposed to get approval from Congress. Something like that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/call-war-trump-reveals-real-172604512.html &quot;'They Call It A War': Trump Reveals Real Reason He Keeps Calling Iran War Something Else&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (March 28, 2026)

* I always like to hang around with losers, actually, because it makes me feel better.  I hate guys that are very, very successful and you have to listen to their success stories. I like people that like to listen to my success.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/five-unhinged-trump-moments-investment-100000181.html &quot;Five unhinged Trump moments at investment summit from weird interruption to filthy question&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 28)

* To be honest with you, my favourite thing is to take the oil in Iran, but some stupid people back in the US say: ‘Why are you doing that?’ But they’re stupid people.
* Maybe we take Kharg Island, maybe we don’t. We have a lot of options. It would also mean we had to be there for a while.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/30/trump-wants-to-invade-iran-to-seize-oil-calls-us-objectors-stupid &quot;Trump wants to invade Iran to seize oil, calls US objectors ‘stupid people’&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 30, 2026)

* The Republicans are wonderful people. We're dealing with very sick people. The Democrats are sick; there's something wrong. They're like terrorists.
** [https://www.aol.com/entertainment/donald-trump-ruthlessly-dubbed-inept-133940897.html &quot;Donald Trump ruthlessly dubbed an 'inept pile of garbage' amid Democrat 'terrorist' jab&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 30, 2026)

* All of those countries that can’t get jet fuel because of the Strait of Hormuz, like the United Kingdom, which refused to get involved in the decapitation of Iran, I have a suggestion for you: Number 1, buy from the U.S., we have plenty, and Number 2, build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT.
* You’ll have to start learning how to fight for yourself, the U.S.A. won’t be there to help you anymore, just like you weren’t there for us.  Iran has been, essentially, decimated. The hard part is done. Go get your own oil!
** [https://nypost.com/2026/03/31/us-news/trump-lashes-out-at-france-and-uk-over-strait-of-hormuz/ &quot;Trump lashes out at France and UK, says nations should ‘just take’ Strait of Hormuz to replenish lost oil&quot;] ''New York Post'' (March 31, 2026)

==== April 2026 ====

* We're going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks — we're going to bring them back to the Stone Age, where they belong.
** [https://www.war.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/4450132/trump-objectives-in-iran-near-completion-terrorist-nation-bully-no-longer/ &quot;Trump: Objectives in Iran Near Completion, Terrorist Nation 'Bully No Longer'&quot;] ''US Department of war'' (April 1, 2026)

* We could just take their oil. But, you know, I’m not sure that the people in our country have the patience to do that, which is unfortunate.  They want to see it end. If we stayed there, I prefer just to take the oil. We could do it so easily; I would prefer that. But people in the country sort of say, ‘Just win. You’re winning so big, just win. Come home.
* With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, &amp; MAKE A FORTUNE
* KEEP THE OIL, ANYONE?
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/3/trump-says-with-more-time-us-can-take-the-oil-in-iran &quot;Trump says with more time, US can ‘take the oil’ in Iran&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 3, 2026)

* Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/04/05/trump-threatens-iranian-infrastructure-hormuz-00859268?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=snews &quot;Trump again threatens to hit Iranian civil infrastructure&quot;] ''Politico'' (April 5, 2026)

* A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. However, now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change, where different, smarter, and less radicalized minds prevail, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, WHO KNOWS? We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World. 47 years of extortion, corruption, and death, will finally end. God Bless the Great People of Iran!
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-iran-warning-whole-civilization-die-11792792 &quot;Trump Issues New Warning to Iran: ‘A Whole Civilization Will Die Tonight’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (April 7, 2026)

* I know why Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Candace Owens, and Alex Jones have all been fighting me for years, especially by the fact that they think it is wonderful for Iran, the Number One State Sponsor of Terror, to have a Nuclear Weapon — Because they have one thing in common, Low IQs. They’re stupid people, they know it, their families know it, and everyone else knows it, too! Look at their past, look at their record. They don’t have what it takes, and they never did! They’ve all been thrown off Television, lost their Shows, and aren’t even invited on TV because nobody cares about them, they’re NUT JOBS, TROUBLEMAKERS, and will say anything necessary for some “free” and cheap publicity. 
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/media/5824607-trump-iran-war-tucker-carlson-megyn-kelly/ &quot;Trump slams conservative media figures over splitting with him on Iran&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 9, 2026)

* Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, the Strait of Hormuz.  
* Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-iran/ &quot;Trump says U.S. will blockade Strait of Hormuz and intercept ships that paid tolls to Iran&quot;] ''CBS News'' (April 12, 2026)

* We don’t like a pope that’s going to say that it’s OK to have a nuclear weapon. We don’t want a pope that says crime is OK in our cities. I don’t like it. I’m not a big fan of Pope Leo,
* Pope Leo is WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy
* Leo should be thankful because, as everyone knows, he was a shocking surprise. He wasn’t on any list to be Pope, and was only put there by the Church because he was an American, and they thought that would be the best way to deal with President Donald J. Trump. If I wasn’t in the White House, Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-not-big-fan-weak-terrible-pope-leo-rcna331461 &quot;Trump assails Pope Leo as 'weak' and 'terrible' after pontiff's Iran war criticism&quot;] ''NBC News'' (April 13, 2026)

* Gas prices have come down very much in the last three or four days
* They are not very high.
* Everything's going really well.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/04/16/trump-gas-prices-iran-war.html &quot;Trump says gas prices ‘not very high’ as most U.S. voters blame him for price spike&quot;] ''CNBC'' (April 16, 2026)

* 'Corner stores'!?  What is a corner store?  I've never heard that term. I know what a corner store is, but I've never heard it described, a ‘corner store.’ 
** [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-corner-store-reaction &quot;Trump doesn’t know what a corner store is – and people think it says a lot about him&quot;] ''Indy100'' (April 17, 2026)

* We have a very good relationship with Iran right now, as hard as it is to believe.  And I think it is a combination of about four weeks of bombing and a very powerful blockade.
** [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-says-second-round-of-talks-with-iran-could-take-place-this-weekend/ &quot;Trump says 2nd round of Iran talks could be this weekend, war ‘should’ end soon&quot;] ''The Times of Israel'' (April 20, 2026)

* I would have won Vietnam very quickly.  I would have, if I were president.
** Claimed about the Vietnam War (1955-1975), quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-boasts-won-vietnam-very-130316917.html &quot;Trump boasts ‘I would have won Vietnam very quickly’ ... despite getting ‘bone spur’ excuse to avoid draft&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 21, 2026)

* A RIGGED ELECTION TOOK PLACE LAST NIGHT IN THE GREAT COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA! 
* As everyone knows, I am an extraordinarily brilliant person.
** [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/extraordinarily-brilliant-trump-leaves-no-181143288.html &quot;‘Extraordinarily brilliant’ Trump leaves no doubt he will challenge any election GOP losses as ‘rigged’ with latest post&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 22, 2026)

* I just cancelled the trip of my representatives going to Islamabad, Pakistan, to meet with the Iranians.  Too much time wasted on traveling, too much work! Besides which, there is tremendous infighting and confusion within their ‘leadership. Nobody knows who is in charge, including them. Also, we have all the cards, they have none! If they want to talk, all they have to do is call!!!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5849794-trump-iran-peace-negotiations/ &quot;Trump says he won’t send officials to Pakistan for negotiations&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 26, 2026)

* When you have, you know, lines of vast amounts of oil pouring through your system, if for any reason that line is closed because you can’t continue to put it into containers or ships, which has happened to them — they have no ships because of the blockade — what happens is that line explodes from within, both mechanically and in the earth.  It’s something that happens where it just explodes. And they say they only have about three days left before that happens. And when it explodes, you can never, regardless, you can never rebuild it the way it was.
** [https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/trump-claims-irans-oil-infrastructure-may-explode-in-three-days-due-to-us-blockade/ &quot;Trump claims Iran’s oil infrastructure may explode in three days due to US blockade&quot;] ''New York Post'' (April 26, 2026)

* The Chancellor of Germany, Friedrich Merz, thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! If Iran had a Nuclear Weapon, the whole World would be held hostage.
* I am doing something with Iran, right now, that other Nations, or Presidents, should have done long ago. No wonder Germany is doing so poorly, both Economically, and otherwise!
* They’re a respected country.  I have a very good relationship with the country – in particular now, with this leader.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/28/trump-scolds-germanys-merz-for-criticism-of-iran-war &quot;Trump scolds Germany’s Merz for criticism of Iran war&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (April 28, 2026)

* He &amp;#91;[[Charles III|King Charles]] of the United Kingdom] made a great speech. I was very jealous.
* I want to congratulate Charles on having made a fantastic speech today at Congress.  He got the [[Democrats]] to stand, I’ve never been able to do that, I couldn’t believe it.
** [https://www.wionews.com/world/trump-admits-he-s-very-jealous-after-king-charles-did-the-one-thing-he-could-never-pull-off-at-the-capitol-1777442027803#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump admits he's 'very jealous' after King Charles did the one thing he could never pull off at the Capitol&quot;] ''Wion'' (April 29, 2026)

* I think Ukraine, militarily they are defeated, OK?  You wouldn't know that by reading the fake news.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394191405112?dicbo=v2-iH2p37I&amp;intcmp=fn_article_mobileweb_bc_ob_more_from &quot;Ukraine is 'militarily' defeated: Trump&quot;] ''Fox News'' (April 29, 2026)

===== Remarks after White House Correspondents' Dinner shootings (25 April 2026) =====
[[File:President Trump Delivers Remarks (April 25, 2026).webm|thumb|start=19:16|thumbtime=19:53|President Trump addresses the press two hours after the shooting]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-after-whcd-shooting &quot;Trump Speaks After WHCD Shooting&quot; video and transcript at rev.com]&lt;/small&gt;

* That was very unexpected, but incredibly acted upon by Secret Service and law enforcement. And this was an event dedicated to freedom of speech that was supposed to bring together members of both parties with members of the press. And in a certain way it did because the fact that they just unified, I saw a room that was just totally unified. It was in one way, very beautiful. A very beautiful thing to see.

* A tape showing the violence of this thug that attacked our constitution and also showing how quickly Secret Service and law enforcement acted on our country's behalf, really did a great job. &lt;br /&gt; One officer was shot, but saved by the fact that he was wearing obviously a very good bulletproof vest. He was shot from very close distance with a very powerful gun. And the vest did the job. I just spoke to the officer and he's doing great. He's great shape. He has very high spirits and we told him we love him and respect him. And he's a very proud guy. He's very proud of what he does, Secret Service agent. And we looked at all of the conditions that took place tonight. And I will say, it's not a particularly secure building. And I didn't want to say this, but this is why we have to have all of the attributes of what we're planning at the White House. It's actually a larger room and it's a much more secure. It's got, it's drone proof, it's bulletproof glass. &lt;br /&gt; We need the ballroom. That's why Secret Service, that's why the military are demanding it. They've wanted the ballroom for 150 years for lots of different reasons, but today's a little bit different because today we need levels of security that probably nobody's ever seen before. But everyone owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to the courage of law enforcement.

* So as you know, this is not the first time in the past couple of years that our republic been attacked by a would be assassin who sought to kill in Butler, Pennsylvania less than two years ago. &lt;br /&gt; You all know that story. And in Palm Beach, Florida, a few months after that, we came close. We really had, again, we had some great work done by law enforcement. But in light of this evening's events, I asked that all Americans recommit with their hearts in resolving our difference peacefully. We have to resolve our differences. I will say you had Republicans, Democrats, independents, conservatives, liberals, and progressives. Those words are interchangeable, perhaps but maybe they're not. But yet everybody in that room, big crowd, record-setting crowd, there was a record-setting group of people, and there was a tremendous amount of love and coming together. I watched and I was very, very impressed by that.

*  I told the representatives of the evening, they did such a beautiful job, was such a beautiful evening. And again, they're talking about free speech in our [[United States Constitution|Constitution]]. That's what it's all about. Not just White House correspondence. It was really based on free speech in our Constitution. But I said very importantly that we'll do it again within the next 30 days. It will make it bigger and better and even nicer. So I just want to thank everybody that was involved. I also want to thank the press, the media. You've been very responsible in your coverage. I will say I've been seeing what's been out and you've been very responsible.

==== May 2026 ====

: ''About the 2026 midterm election:''
* It is a problem I'm not on the ballot. Everyone says if I was on a ballot we'd win in a landslide. &lt;b&gt;I have some of the best poll numbers I've ever had.&lt;/b&gt;  
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-approval-rating-plummets-personality-traits-11905848 &quot;Donald Trump’s Approval Rating Plummets On All Personality Traits&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 2, 2026)

* There has been no exchange of fire between the United States Forces and Iran since April 7, 2026.  The hostilities that began on February 28, 2026 have terminated.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g4xexy4w7o &quot;Trump tells Congress ceasefire means he does not need their approval for Iran war&quot;] ''BBC'' (May 2, 2026)

* We took over the ship. We took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business.  &lt;b&gt;We’re like pirates.&lt;/b&gt;  We’re sort of like pirates. 
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/5/2/trump-says-us-navy-acting-like-pirates-to-enforce-iran-blockade &quot;Trump says US Navy acting ‘like pirates’ to enforce Iran blockade&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (May 2, 2026)

* It is a very friendly blockade.
** [https://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2026/05/03/trump-describes-us-blockade-as-very-friendly-does-not-breach-039terminated039-claim-on-iran-hostilities#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump describes US blockade as &quot;very friendly”, does not breach 'terminated' claim on Iran hostilities&quot;] ''The Star'' (May 3, 2026)

* Bill Maher is a MORON, though slightly more talented than Jimmy Kimmel.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-tears-into-bill-maher-after-gavin-newsom-interview-11906910 &quot;Trump Tears Into Bill Maher After Gavin Newsom Interview&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 3, 2026)

: ''Explained to a group of school children:''
* We can't let Iran have a nuclear weapon… You might be too young for this… But you can't let a bunch of lunatics have a nuclear weapon or the world would be in trouble.
* We sent that beautiful B-2 bomber in, and we blew up their nuclear potential.
* I can tell you, the Middle East would've been gone. Israel would've been gone. They would've trained their sights on Europe first, then us. Because they're sick people. These are sick people, and we're not going to let lunatics have nuclear weapons. It's not going to happen.
** [https://www.ndtvprofit.com/world/bizarre-moment-trump-tells-school-kids-iran-was-two-weeks-away-from-killing-you-watch-video-11455217/amp/1 &quot;Bizarre Moment! Trump Tells School Kids Iran 'Was Two Weeks Away From Killing You'—Watch Video&quot;] ''NDTV Profit'' (May 6, 2026) 

* It's up to the Pope. He thinks it's just fine for Iran to have a nuclear weapon.
** [https://time.com/article/2026/05/06/pope-leo-nuclear-weapons-trump/ &quot;Pope Leo Rejects Trump’s Nuclear Claims and Tells His Critics To Speak ‘Truthfully’&quot;] ''Time'' (May 6, 2026)

* This lunatic, Hakeem ‘Low IQ’ Jeffries, should be charged with INCITING VIOLENCE! The Radical Left Democrats actually want to Destroy our Country.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/jeffries-trump-call-inciting-violence-201156891.html &quot;Jeffries on Trump call for ‘inciting violence’ charge: ‘Another deranged rant’&quot;] ''AOL'' (May 7, 2026)

* Excellent Poll Numbers. Thank You!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-drowns-feed-maga-praise-114613786.html &quot;Trump Drowns Feed With MAGA Praise in Late-Night Truth Social Dump Celebrating Himself&quot;] ''Mediaite/Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* No matter how ‘Fair and Balanced’ the day’s News at Fox may be, the end result is destroyed by professional Liars, Conmen, and Liberal, Crooked Politicians.  This is why &lt;b&gt;MAGA Republicans, who are actually close to 100% of the Party, hate Fox,&lt;/b&gt; despite the wonderful contributions made by so many of their great anchors and commentators. Hard to win Elections like this!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-ballistic-fox-news-225559417.html &quot;Trump Goes Ballistic on Fox News Anchor Jacqui Heinrich, Claims MAGA Republicans ‘Hate’ the Channel&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* I’m serious about beginning a process to make Venezuela the 51st state.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-wants-oil-rich-nation-205314886.html &quot;Trump wants this oil-rich nation as the 51st state. Its leader has a message for him.&quot;] ''nj.com'' (May 12, 2026)

* The only thing that matters when I’m talking about Iran — they can’t have a nuclear weapon.  &lt;b&gt;I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation.&lt;/b&gt; I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing — we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon. That’s all.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-not-thinking-american-finances-iran-talk-rcna344785 &quot;Trump says he’s not thinking about Americans’ finances ‘even a little bit’ in Iran talks&quot;] ''NBC News'' (May 12, 2026)

* Dumacrats Lowe Sewage
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/dumacrats-love-sewage-trump-posts-124145023.html &quot;‘Dumacrats Love Sewage’: Trump Posts Image of Obama, Biden, Pelosi Bathing in Feces in New Truth Social Meme Spree&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 12, 2026)

* We have a man who is doing a great job, I'll tell you. I knew it! Because he kept me out of jail for years. Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, he kept me out of jail.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blanche-jail-quote/ &quot;Trump said acting AG Todd Blanche kept him 'out of jail for years'&quot;] ''Snopes fact check'' (May 13, 2026)

* If they want to come in and build the plant and hire you and hire your friends and your neighbors, that’s great.  I love that. &lt;b&gt;Let China come in, let Japan come in.&lt;/b&gt; They are and they’ll be building plants, but they’re using our labor.
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/05/13/trump-xi-summit-chinese-electric-vehicles-00917652 &quot;‘The only thing that terrifies me is BYD’: Politicians quake at Chinese EVs&quot;] ''Politico'' (May 13, 2026)

* It's a very insulting thing to tell a country we don't want your people in our schools,
** [https://www.thestandard.com.hk/china/article/332106/ &quot;Bucking base, Trump defends Chinese students in US&quot;] ''The Standard'' (May 15, 2026)

* Frankly, I think that it’s good that people come from other countries and they learn our culture, and many of them want to stay here. I think it’s a good thing. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/maga-reeling-trump-welcomes-chinese-204217102.html &quot;MAGA is Reeling as Trump Welcomes Chinese Students to the U.S.&quot;] ''The News Republic / Yahoo News'' (May 15, 2026)

* I'm right now at 99% in Israel.  I could run for prime minister, so maybe after I do this, I'll go to Israel and run for prime minister.  I had a poll this morning. I am 99 %, so that's good.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-no-reputable-poll-235324733.html &quot;Fact Check: NO Reputable Poll Shows Trump Has 99% Support In Israel -- Polls Show 69% To 79%&quot;] ''Yahoo / Lead Stories'' (May 22, 2026)

* I don't care about the midterms.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-midterms-republicans-cabinet-meeting-b2984719.html &quot;Trump sends crushing message to Republicans: ‘I don’t care about the midterms’&quot;] ''Independent'' (May 27, 2026)

* Oman will behave just like everybody else or we’ll have to blow them up. They understand that, they’ll be fine.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/may/27/donald-trump-oman-threat-strait-hormuz &quot;Trump threatens to ‘blow up’ US ally Oman amid talks over strait of Hormuz&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2026)

==== June 2026 ====
: ''About the Iranian military:''
* Their military, we’ve sort of left it alone, because we think that their military is somewhat, somewhat moderate ... We’ve actually left their military alone. People would be surprised to hear that.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-military-us-war-irgc-interview-b2986901.html &quot;Trump now says US left Iran’s military ‘alone’ after weeks of boasting that he destroyed its forces&quot;] ''Independent'' (June 2, 2026)

* ''About Iran:'' They’ve already agreed they’re not going to have a nuclear weapon.
* I inherited very high prices when I came in. I inherited the highest inflation in the history of our country.  Biden had like 9%-10% inflation, and I inherited that, and we have it way down. 
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/white-house/4592621/trump-iran-no-nuclear-new-interview-takeaways/ &quot;Trump says Iran agrees to ‘no nuclear,’ and other takeaways from new interview&quot;]  ''Washington Examiner'' (June 3, 2026)

* I love the inflation.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c0myzxjkw99o &quot;Trump says he 'loves the inflation' as US prices rise at fastest rate in three years&quot;] ''BBC'' (June 11, 2026)

* The United States will be hitting Iran (Whose Navy, Air Force, Radar, Anti Aircraft, and all other forms of Defense, together with most of its offensive capability, are GONE!), VERY HARD TONIGHT.  At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/6/11/trump-says-us-will-be-taking-kharg-island-in-latest-iran-war-threat &quot;Trump says US will ‘be taking’ Kharg Island in latest Iran war threat&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (June 11, 2026)

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==

* We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.
* Enigmas never age, have you noticed that?
* A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret.
** Written in a letter to [[Jeffrey Epstein]], according to [https://www.wsj.com/politics/trump-jeffrey-epstein-birthday-letter-we-have-certain-things-in-common-f918d796 &quot;Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends Sent Him Bawdy Letters for a 50th Birthday Album. One Was From Donald Trump.&quot;] ''Wall Street Journal'' (Article behind pay wall) (July 17, 2025).  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jul/17/trump-epstein-grand-jury-testimony-wall-street-journal &quot;Trump requests release of Epstein grand jury transcripts amid report of ‘bawdy’ birthday note&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (July 18, 2025).  Disputed by Donald Trump.

* These people should be executed. They are scumbags.
** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon &amp; Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}}

*Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise.
**Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018)

* I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.
** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)]
** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017)
** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, &quot;I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that.&quot;

* Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?
** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in &quot;Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report&quot;] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: &quot;Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?&quot; As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment.
*** &quot;The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used.&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway.
**[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source]
** In December 2025 Trump said: &quot;Remember I said that to the senators that came in, the Democrats. They wanted to be bipartisan. So they came in. And they said, ‘This is totally off the record, nothing mentioned here, we want to be honest,’ because our country was going to hell. And we had a meeting. And I say: Why is it we only take people from shithole countries, right? Why can’t we have some people from Norway, Sweden – just a few – let us have a few. From Denmark – do you mind sending us a few people? Send us some nice people, do you mind? But we always take people from Somalia. Places that are a disaster, right? Filthy, dirty, disgusting, ridden with crime.
*** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/10/politics/donald-trump-shithole-countries-phrase &quot;Almost eight years later, Trump confirms he used the phrase ‘shithole countries’&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 10, 2025)

*Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.
**Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&amp;linkId=46885064 &quot;'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric&quot;], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment.
** &quot;Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said &quot;take them out.&quot; Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: &quot;That's false&quot; — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html &quot;President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'&quot;] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''.

*Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. &quot;White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time.&quot;

*Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war?
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that &quot;four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day&quot; (Goldberg did not provide any names) that &quot;Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead&quot;, and described the two-sentence quote above as part of &quot;a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit&quot;.
***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term &quot;suckers&quot; to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks)
***the sentence about &quot;good guys&quot; Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members)
****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the &quot;losers&quot; one
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece &quot;It’s a total lie. It’s fake news&quot;.
**Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: &quot;The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against.&quot;
**press secretary [[Kayleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated &quot;The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents&quot;, quoting two service members:
***&quot;&quot;I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops.&quot; - Derek Lyons
***&quot;there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable&quot; - Dan Walsh
**following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] &quot;A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments.&quot;

{{Disputed end}}

{{misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist.
** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989.

* This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.
** Actual quote was &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2QShtOwbU NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country.]&quot;

* If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.
** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes &quot;''People'' magazine, 1998&quot; is ''incorrectly'' given as the &quot;source&quot; of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com]

* The harder I work, the luckier I get.
** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/]

* Life is what you do while you're waiting to die.
** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968)

* People are dying today that have never died before.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this.

* The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA.
** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/]
	
* My blood IS the vaccine!!!!!	
** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/]
 	
{{misattributed end}}

==Quotes about Trump==
&lt;small&gt; See [[Quotes about Donald Trump]]&lt;/small&gt;

==See also==
* [[Donald Trump on social media]]
* [[Donald Trump Jr.]]
* [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]]
* [[List of presidents of the United States]]
* [[First presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Racial views of Donald Trump]]
* [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]]
* [[2020 United States presidential election]]

== External links==
{{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website]
* [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html &quot;Trump's Lies&quot;] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of &quot;nearly every outright lie he has told publicly&quot; in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}''  (23 June 2017)

{{Authority control}}

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[[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidents of the United States]]
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[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:Producers from the United States]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
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[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2020]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2024]]
[[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]]</text>
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{{Too-long}}
[[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.]]
'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who is serving as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|47th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] since January 20, 2025. He previously served as the 45th president from 2017 to 2021.

:See also:
::'''''[[Quotes about Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[First presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''
[[lv:Donalds Trumps]]

==Quotes==
[[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best... We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans.]][[File:January 2025 Official Presidential Portrait of Donald J. Trump.jpg|thumb| I believe it is God’s job to sit in judgment; my job, to defend America and to promote the fundamental interests of stability, prosperity, and peace. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2025/05/trump-immoral-world-order/682826/ ]]][[File:Cabinet Meeting (49092290281).jpg|thumb| They let&amp;mdash;I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do. They’re poisoning the blood of our country.[https://variety.com/2024/biz/news/donald-trump-god-rnc-nomination-1236077838/]|alt=File:Main-qimg-021d8d22e0438179020144bbb4821733.jpg]][[File:Shinzo Abe and Donald Trump playing golf.jpg|thumb| That's one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That's a huge advantage. I must tell you, that's a huge advantage over the other candidates.[https://nypost.com/2024/07/25/us-news/trump-hopes-us-obliterates-iran-if-hes-assassinated-by-the-american-adversary/]]]
[[File:This was the President Donald Trump's first trip aboard Air Force One (cropped).jpg|thumb|I know the best people. To me, it's all about people. You got to have the right people. When we have the right people, it runs beautifully[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]]]
===1980s===
* '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president.  I don’t know.  
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the [[President of the United States]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the job, and there are very capable people in this country.&lt;br&gt;'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile.
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the [[New York City|City of New York]], and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. 
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal.
** {{citation
|title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump
|journal=The New York Times
|date=August 7, 1983
|first=Marilyn
|last=Bender
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html
}}

* &quot;Give them the old Trump bullshit,&quot; he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]] design at a press conference in 1980. &quot;Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories.&quot;
** [[Marie Brenner]] &quot;After the Gold Rush&quot;, ''[[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]]'' (September 1, 1990)

* Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't.
* It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation
** {{citation
|title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future!
|journal=Washington Post
|date=November 15, 1984
|first=Lois
|last=Romano
|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility
}}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union

* I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my [[enterprises]].
**''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (July 22, 1985)

* I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake.
**''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (July 11, 1988), p. 24

* I'm not big on [[compromise]]. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of [[Failure|defeat]], and I don't like being defeated.
**''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii

* [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so.
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS!
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of &quot;[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]&quot; which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's.
** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done.
** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were later vacated)

* I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect.
**''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (September 23, 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25

* I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist.
**''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'' (March 1990)

====''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)====
{{main|The Art of the Deal}}

* I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.

* I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage.

* I'm a great believer in asking everyone for an opinion before I make a decision. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms.

* You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.

* You can't be scared. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens.

===1990===
[[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]]
[[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|upright|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]]
* What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3

*She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, &quot;Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore.&quot;
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52

* &quot;When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left,&quot; he told me.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]]

* &quot;I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me,&quot; Donald told a close friend.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}}

* Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done.
** in response to the question, &quot;Is [[adultery]] a sin.&quot;
** in the ''[[New York Post]]'' (February 23, 1990), as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast'']

* [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}

* When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}}

* I said to the [[bankers]], &quot;Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us.&quot;
** ''Fortune'' (August 13, 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44
** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: &quot;If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.&quot;

===1991===
* You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991)

===1992===
* You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}}
** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&amp;q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&amp;q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&amp;f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original.

* Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you.
** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992
** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate]

* He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well.
:Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things.
:I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends.
:He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman.
:* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#&quot;John Miller&quot; (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post 

* I'm gonna be dating her in ten years.
** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992
** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}}

===1993===
* '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.&lt;br&gt;'''Stern''': Alright, good.
** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993

* You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

*I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable.
**Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187

===1994===
* Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell...
** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994

*Everybody's always blaming me for everything.
**16 May 1994 in &quot;For Sale by Owner&quot; s4e24 of &quot;Fresh Prince of Bel-Air&quot;, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_wcNmQ_hEk&amp;t=70 video here]

===1996===
* Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get &quot;personal&quot; with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump.
** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996

===1997===
*“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider”
**speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

===1999===
* I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999)

* I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people.
** On an interview (1999 November 26)

* The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other.
** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46

* I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun.
** As quoted in  ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}}

* People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine?
** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}}

===2000===
* I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s.
**{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}}

* So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep.
** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}&lt;!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski  |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--&gt;

* I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit.
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA23&amp;dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 &quot;Trump towers&quot;], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23

* It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it.
** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ &quot;What Does Donald Trump Really Want?&quot;], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000.

===2002===
* I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place.
**''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23

* '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]?
* '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly.
** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016)

* I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.
** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002.

* I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town.
** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}}

===2003===
* I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways.
** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}&lt;!-- published/quoted where? --&gt;

===2004===
*Trump: My daughter is beautiful, Ivanka&lt;br&gt;Stern: By the way, your daughter,&lt;br&gt;Trump: She’s beautiful&lt;br&gt;Stern: Can I say this? A '''piece of ass'''&lt;br&gt;Trump: Yeah
**September 2004 exchange with [[Howard Stern]] [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern reported in 2016 by CNN]

* Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004)

* If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii

* Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74

* In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86

* Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity.
** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20

* I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business.
** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16

* People say, &quot;Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?&quot; And I said, &quot;Absolutely.&quot; You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004)

* All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected.
**[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004)

* ''[On &quot;You're fired!&quot;:]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words.
** {{citation
|title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world
|journal=San Francisco Chronicle
|date=2004-03-28
|first=David
|last=Armstrong
|url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php
}}

* My life is seeing everything in terms of &quot;How would ''I'' handle that?&quot; '''Look at the [[Iraq War|war in Iraq]] and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!'''
** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ &quot;Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)&quot; (18 August 2015)]

* Pregnancy is &quot;a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business.&quot;
** About pregnancy (2004)

* The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right.
** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/]

* In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat.  It just seems that the [[economy]] does better under the [[Democrats]] than the [[Republicans]]. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad [[disaster]] under the Republicans.
** Said in an interview with CNN's [[Wolf Blitzer]], as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat'
| journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }}

===2005===
* I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, &quot;Is everyone OK?&quot;, you know they're standing there with no clothes, &quot;Is everybody OK?&quot;, and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.'''
** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html &quot;Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016)

===2006===
* It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said '''if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her'''.
** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}} originally reported in [https://www.today.com/popculture/trump-jokes-he-d-date-daughter-wbna11714379 7 March 2006 article on Today via AP]

* I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me.
** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''.

*She’s actually always been '''very voluptuous'''. She’s tall, she’s almost six feet tall and she’s been, she’s an amazing beauty.
**October 2006 interview with [[Howard Stern]] about [[Ivanka Trump]] reported [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern 2016 by CNN]

* '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism?
* '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. 
** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}}

* No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds,
** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with.

===2007===
* Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&amp;pg=PA1&amp;lpg=PA1&amp;dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=ko6GrZPr-e&amp;sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1

* Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre.
** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2

* [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a [[w:Iraqi Civil War|civil war]]. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.
** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], &quot;[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]&quot;, ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015).

* {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food.
** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007)

* My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try.
** Claimed in December 2007, quoted in [https://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm &quot;Trump: I'm worth whatever I feel&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 21, 2011)

* Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours!
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&amp;IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin]

===2008===
* They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties.
** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008)

* Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from &quot;Trumped!&quot;, a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]].
** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html &quot;Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'&quot; Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008)

===2009===
* If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning.
** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17

* Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]]
** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60

*let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know
**2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit]

===2010===
*Well, I think I was born with a drive for success. I had a father who was successful. He was a builder in Brooklyn and Koreans. And he was successful. And, you know, I have a certain gene. I'm a gene believer. Hey, when you connect two race horses, you usually end up with a fast horse. And I really was -- you know, I had a -- a good gene pool from the standpoint of that.
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20200924215510/https://us.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1002/10/ctw.01.html CNN interview] (February 2010)

===2011===
* Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]].
** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}}

* They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]].
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, &quot;I remember when he was born 50 years ago.&quot; I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country.
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics.
**{{citation
|title=Today
|date=2011-04-07
|publisher=NBC
|medium=Television}}
** regarding Barack Obama
** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/]

* '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a [[Islam in the United States|Muslim problem]] in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? &lt;br&gt; '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Swedes|Swedish people]] [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. &lt;br&gt;'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? &lt;br&gt; '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]].
** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' &quot;The Brody File&quot; (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript])

* I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge.
** {{citation
|first=Michael
|last=Scherer
|title=In the presence of Donald Trump
|date=2011-04-11
|journal=Time
|url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/
|accessdate=2019-10-28}}

* I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records.
** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25
** {{citation
|first=Lucy
|last=Madison
|title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League?
|date=2011-04-25
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991

* Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.
** press conference, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=TMZ
|url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/
|accessdate=2011-05-01}}
** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning

* The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to [[w:Columbia_University|Columbia]] and then gets to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991

* It's like in [[golf]]. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a [[Traditionalistic|traditionalist]]. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be [[Homosexuality|gay]], but I am a traditionalist.
**{{citation
|title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character
|date=2011-05-01
|journal=New York Times
|first=Michael
|last=Barbaro
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html
|accessdate=2011-05-06}}
** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]]

* I know the [[Chinese people|Chinese]]. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}}

* I dealt with [[Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi]]. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}}

* She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver.
* If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, &quot;Rosie, you're fired.&quot;
** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011)

*[[Barney Frank]] looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful.
* Twitter, quoted by the [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/08/donald-trump-has-called-37-things-disgusting-on-twitter/ Washington Post] (20 December 2011)

* Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate.  He is weak and he is ineffective.  So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran.
** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}}

===2012===
* [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it.
** Quoted in {{citation
    | date = 2012-02-02
    | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/
    | author = Corbett B. Daly 
    | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president
    | periodical = CBS News
}}

* No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, &quot;Please don't give that up.&quot;  A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting.
** {{citation
 | title = Telephone interview
 | publisher = CNBC
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant
 | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}}
 | author = Melissa Jeltsen
 | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html
}}

* '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers.
* '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.&lt;br&gt;Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth.
** {{citation
 | title = The Situation Room
 | publisher = CNN
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate
 | author = Elizabeth Flock
 | newspaper = US News &amp; World Report
 | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate
}}
** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton &amp; Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as &quot;born in Kenya&quot;.[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp]

* He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a [[revolution]] in this country!
* The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!
* More votes equals a loss... revolution!
* This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
* The [[w:United_States_Electoral_College|electoral college]] is a disaster for a democracy.
** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’]

* [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to [[Asian people|Asians]]... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to [[Immigration to the United States|immigration]], with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country.
** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}}

*[climate change was] &quot;created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive&quot;
** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?]
*&quot;It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes.&quot; Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232]

===2013===

* Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI &quot; to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1&quot;] (3 March 2013) &lt;!-- ''YouTube'' --&gt; 

* I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing?
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 &quot;From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea&quot;] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013)

* I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high [[Intelligence quotient|IQ]]) with strong common sense.
** &quot;[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]&quot; (April 21, 2021)

* I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013)

===2014===
*Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - AUTISM. Many such cases!
**Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en 28 March 2014]

* If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa, has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people &amp; resign!
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)]

===2015===
====May 2015====
* There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.'''
** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015)

====June 2015====

=====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential bid announcement]] (June 16, 2015)=====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-announcing-candidacy-for-president-new-york-city &quot;Remarks Announcing Candidacy for President in New York City&quot;], ''{{w|The American Presidency Project}}''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|Sadly, the [[American dream]] is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will [[w:Make America Great Again|make America great again]].]] 

* They all said, a lot of the pundits on television, &quot;Well, Donald will never run, and one of the main reasons is he's private and he's probably not as successful as everybody thinks.&quot; So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success.

* Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories anymore. ... When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. ... When did we beat Japan at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a [[Chevrolet]] in Tokyo? ... When do we beat Mexico at the border? '''They're laughing at us, at our stupidity.''' ... The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems.

* '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.''' They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people. But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. ... They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over South and Latin America, and it's coming probably – probably – from the Middle East. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast.

* I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.

* Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.

====July 2015====
* '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''[[illegal immigrants]]''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal&lt;!--sic--&gt; a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.&lt;br&gt;'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country.
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-01
 | title = The Situation Room
 | medium = TV
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/
}}

[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]]
* '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.'''
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-02
 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy'
 | author = 
 | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com
 | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html
}}

*The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for [[Israel]]. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of &quot;tapping along&quot; and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to [[Make America Great Again]].
**[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015

* And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-15
 | title = Fox News &quot;Hannity&quot;- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ
}}

* '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, &quot;Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up.&quot; Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...&lt;br&gt;'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people.
** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-18
 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured'
 | author = Harriet Alexander
 | newspaper = The Telegraph
 | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html
}}

* Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and [[Scientists|scientist]] and [[Engineering|engineer]], Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a [[Conservatism|conservative]] Republican, if I were a [[Liberalism|liberal]], if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&amp;nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&amp;nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-21
 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina
 | author =
 | newspaper = Slate
 | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html
}}

* If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you.
** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina]
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]&lt;!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--&gt;

* I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas
 | author = 
 | newspaper = BBC
 | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971
}}

* '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...&lt;br&gt;'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished!
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!'
 | author = Oliver Darcy
 | newspaper = TheBlaze
 | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/
}}

* I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-30
 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader
}}

====August 2015====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.]]
* I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]].
** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-06
 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate
 | author = 
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/
}}

* You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015)

* I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-09
 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women
 | author = Gregoy Krieg
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html
}}

* I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.
** ''Face the Nation'', 9 August 2015

*I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well.
**In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me &quot;Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'&quot;] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter

* We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go?
** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15)

* You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, &quot;Oh, here's 14 points.&quot; I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points.
** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-15
 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics
 | author =
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/
}} {{Paywalled source}}

*What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair? A wet raccoon doesn't have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank.
**20 August 2015 roast on Comedy Central [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-roast-364701 transcribed by Newsweek]

* Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.&lt;br&gt;If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-20
 | title = Donald Trump Explains All
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/
}}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html &quot;The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of&quot;] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016).

* You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous.
** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-26
 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself
 | author = David Knowles
 | newspaper = Bloomberg
 | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself
}}

* I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.
** Interview with [[w:Chris Cuomo|Chris Cuomo]]{{citation
| date = 2015-08-11
| title =  Donald Trump: ‘I keep whining and whining until I win’ 
| author = Jeremy Diamond
| newspaper = CNN
| url = https://www.cnn.com/2015/08/11/politics/donald-trump-refutes-third-party-run-report/index.html}}

====September 2015====
* We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-03
 | title = Donald Trump: &quot;While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English&quot;
 | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter
 | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215
}}

* &quot;''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!&quot;
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy
 | newspaper = Rolling Stone
 | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909
}}

* The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that.
** As quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble'
 | author = Colin Campbell
 | newspaper = Business Insider
 | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&amp;IR=T
}}

* This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish.
** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015)

* '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? &lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things.
** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-17
 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim
 | author = Maya Rhodan
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/
}}

* Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so!
* This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something.
** Tweets — quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!'
 | author = Doina Chiacu
 | newspaper = Reuters
 | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920
}}

* You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center.
** On CNN's &quot;State of the Union&quot; with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims
 | author = Timothy Cama
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims
}}

* The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country.
** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-21
 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day
}}

* You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years.
** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation
 | date=2015-09-21
 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere
 | author = Mark Leibovich
 | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine
 | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html
}}

* Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants?
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27
** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&amp;IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03

* I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together.
** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}}

====October 2015====
*All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster
**4 October 2015 interview with [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html New York Times]

* I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart.
** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}}

* He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him.
** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation
| date=2015-10-28
|title= CNBC Republican debate transcript
|newspaper = CNBC
|url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html
}} 

====November 2015====
* '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a great plan . It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I hate this message.&lt;br&gt;'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.
** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015)

* Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques.
** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html &quot;Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques&quot;] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network.

* I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management.
** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees &quot;Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'&quot;] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''.

* Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters.
** Quoted by {{citation
| date=2015-11-20
|title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter
|newspaper = The Hill
| author = Bradford Richardson
|url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter
}} 

* Get him the hell out of here.
** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ &quot;Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally&quot;] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc.

*I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.&lt;br&gt;It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in [[New Jersey]] that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good.
**21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article]

* Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.'
** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&amp;t=15 &quot;Trump mocks reporter with disability&quot;] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html &quot;Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter&quot;] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]]

=====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (November 2015)=====
:published 3 November 2015

* The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing.
** Preface, p. xiv

* The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct.
** p. 8

* I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage.
** p. 10

* I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written.
** p. 12

* Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority.
** p. 30

* Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away.
** p. 28

* I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line.
** p. 30

* Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again.
** p. 34

* When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us.
** p. 34

* We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective.
** p. 35

* To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens.
** p. 73

* I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try.
** p. 80

* It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas.
** p. 85

* A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well.
** p. 96

* We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me.
** p. 97

====December 2015====
* My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got [[Turkey]], who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before.
** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families.
** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation?  You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House?  Why these vacations? 
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally

* Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing &quot;25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad&quot; and 51% of those polled, &quot;agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]].&quot; Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women.
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (December 7, 2015) archived [https://archive.ph/TK7qR here]

* We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.'''
** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern.

* We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant.
** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html &quot;Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'&quot;] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html &quot;'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas&quot;] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015)

* These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety.
** Interview on ABC's &quot;Life with Kelly and Michael&quot;, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion &quot;Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'&quot;] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015)

* We're doing really well with the [[Evangelicalism in the United States|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]] -- but not a lot of [[Evangelicalism|evangelicals]] come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.&lt;br&gt;I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.&lt;br&gt;Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.&lt;br&gt;I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him.
**11 December 2015 during a rally in Iowa, according to [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/ Washington Post article] by Jenna Johnson, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/ CBS News article] by Kylie Atwood, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20151213223442/http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/ Reuters article] by Emily Stephenson

* We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice.
**27 December 2015 on ''60 Minutes''

* I know words. I have the best words.
**30 December 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina] reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller]

* I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in [[New York City|New York city]], and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, &quot;Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up&quot;, right, I want to use hairspray, but they say &quot;Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone&quot;, so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray!
**30 December 2015 [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC]

===2016===
====January 2016====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.&lt;br&gt;
We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]]
* The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.&lt;br&gt;She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.&lt;br&gt;Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.&lt;br&gt;There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.&lt;br&gt;She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.&lt;br&gt;I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now.
** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 &quot;Trump: Clinton has ruined the world&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016)

* They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision.
** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking.
** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox &amp; Friends|Fox &amp; Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors.
** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ &quot;El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!&quot;], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016).

* I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on [[Earth]] could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy.
** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016)

* [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody.
* It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two.
** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying &quot;two Corinthians&quot; instead of &quot;Second Corinthians&quot; during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016)

* Ted Cruz lies.  He's a liar.  And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him.  That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody.  He looks like a jerk.  He's standing all by himself.  And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things.  You can't be a lone wolf and stand there.  That's sort of what we have right now as a president.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016)

* But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. 
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, &quot;who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?&quot; to both of us, and we should both say, &quot;we will work it out.&quot; It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, &quot;we will not pay&quot; and me saying, &quot;we will not pay.&quot;
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* Up in [[New Hampshire]] – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. 
** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

=====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well.
* We're going to protect [[Christianity]], and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. &quot;''Where the Spirit of the Lord''&quot;, right, &quot;''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''&quot;, and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and [[Christianity]], it's under siege.
* I'm a [[Protestantism|protestant]]. I'm very proud of it, [[w:Presbyterian|Presbyterian]] to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together.
* This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast.
* When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect.
* The [[Persian people|Persians]], very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table.
* I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK.
* We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS.
* I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.'

=====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)=====

*{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, &quot;Trump we love you too.&quot; Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, &quot;Will you say absolutely?&quot; I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. &quot;Will you most likely stay?&quot; That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like [[Jeb Bush]], he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances.
** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa.

====February 2016====
* To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, &quot;Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.&quot; So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016)

* This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in [[New Hampshire]], that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great.
** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016)

* '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, &quot;you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word.
** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016)

* [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists.
** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016)

* Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel.
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: &quot;Torture works&quot;]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. 

* They were having [[terrorism]] problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem.
** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet.

* Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks.  You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.
** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016)

* We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.'''
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016

* '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous.
** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016)

* If and when the Vatican is attacked by Isis, which as everyone knows is Isis’s ultimate trophy, the pope can have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president because this would not have happened. Isis would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians.
**As quoted in Ben Jacobs, ''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border Donald Trump calls Pope Francis 'disgraceful' for questioning his faith]'', ''The Guardian'' (February 18, 2016)

====March 2016====
* '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.&lt;br&gt;'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist.
** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 &quot;Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016)

* '''Bret Baier''': So what would you do as commander in chief if the U.S. military refused to carry out those orders?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': They won't refuse. They're not going to refuse me, believe me.&lt;br&gt;'''Baier''': But they're illegal.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Let me just tell you, you look at the Middle East, they're chopping off heads. And now we're talking about waterboarding. We should go for waterboarding, and we should go tougher than waterboarding….&lt;br&gt;And I'm a leader. I'm a leader. I've always been a leader. I've never had any problem leading people. If I say do it, they're going to do it. That's what leadership is all about.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2016/03/04/469149226/trump-attacked-from-all-sides-in-bitter-chaotic-gop-debate Trump Attacked From All Sides In Bitter, Chaotic Debate] ''NPR'' (March 4, 2016)

* Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}}

* '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who.
** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 &quot;US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'&quot;] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016)

* Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.
** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html &quot;‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies&quot;], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C.

* I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all.  There's no time for vacations.  We're not going to be big on vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally

*Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.&lt;br&gt;Thank you. Thank you.&lt;br&gt;Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words &quot;'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''.&quot; You can forget that.&lt;br&gt;What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew?
**[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee)

* '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it.
** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS]

* If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around.
** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016)

* Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created.
**&lt;small&gt;''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)&lt;/small&gt;

====April 2016====
* I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell.
** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016)

*''REPORTER: Mr Trump, please be specific and tell us your views on LGBT, how you plan to be inclusive as president. Speak about North Carolina bathroom law in particular.'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: ''[...]'' One of the best answers I heard was from a commentator yesterday saying &quot;leave it the way it is right now.&quot; There have been no-- very few problems. Leave it the way it is. North Carolina, what they're going through, with all of the business that's leaving and all of the strife and... and that's on both sides. You leave it the way it is. There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate. There has been so little trouble and the problem with what happened in North Carolina is the strife and the economic- I mean economic punishment that they're taking.  
*''REPORTER: If [[w:Caitlyn Jenner|Caitlyn Jenner]] were to walk into [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]], and want to use the bathroom, you would be fine with her using any bathroom she chooses?'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: That is correct.
*''On policies on bathroom use for transgender individuals:'' &lt;Br&gt;You know, there's a big move to create new bathrooms. Problem with that, is — for transgender — that would be a, first of all I think that would be discriminatory in a certain way. It would be unbelievably expensive for businesses and for the country. Leave it the way it is.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO6MLHLIfdc Donald Trump Town Hall: Abortion Exceptions, Immigration, Raising Taxes (Full) | TODAY] April 21, 2016

* I love working.  I'm not a vacation guy.  Right?  Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii.  He flies in a 747. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally

* If you love what you do, you're happy.  You don't take vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally

=====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)=====
[[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* It's time to shake the rust off [[Foreign policy of the United States|America's foreign policy]].

* My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. [[America First (policy)|America First]] will be the major and overriding theme of my administration.

* Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy.

* [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] has weakened [[United States Armed Forces|our military]] by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive [[National debt|debt]], low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders.

* Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice.

* Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power.

* We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job.

* We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even [[genocide]]. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action.

* Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation.

* We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation.

* I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible.

* Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the [[Working class in the United States|American worker]] will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs.

====May 2016====
* We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say &quot;Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem.&quot; '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.'''
**[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump &quot;China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump&quot;] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016)

* You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care.
** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 &quot;Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won&quot;] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016)

====June 2016====
* It's going to be like this. I'm not changing.
** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}}

* '''He's a [[Mexicans|Mexican]]'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico.
** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}}

* I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable.
** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}}

* Belgium is a beautiful city.
* Belgium is not the Belgium that you and I knew, Matt, from 20 years ago, which was one of the most beautiful cities and one of the safest cities in the world. Belgium is a horror show right now.
** [https://www.thebulletin.be/belgium-beautiful-city-according-donald-trump &quot;Belgium is a “beautiful city”, according to Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Bulletin'' (June 16, 2016)

* Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax.
* &lt;p&gt;'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' [[Janet Yellen]], who you know, the chairman of the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]] blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.&lt;/p&gt;
** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}}

* Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it.&quot;
** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}}

====July 2016====
* [[Saddam Hussein]] was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. [...] Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay? So sad.
** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/05/donald-trump-praises-saddam-hussein-for-killing-terrorists-so-good/ &quot;Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists ‘so good’&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (July 5, 2016).
** [[w:Jake Sullivan|Jake Sullivan]], then a policy advisor to Hillary Clinton, stated: &quot;Hussein's regime was a sponsor of terrorism — one that paid families of suicide bombers who attacked Israelis, among other crimes.&quot;

* I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution.
** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill &quot;Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting&quot;] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016).

* ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016)

* Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.
** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, &quot;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016).

* Though [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie]] is exhausted and has given up on his [[revolution]], many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the [[2011 Libyan civil war|invasion of Libya]], [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and [[w:Trans-Pacific Partnership|TPP]], and of course because she is totally bought and sold by [[Special-interest group|special interests]]. She and [[Bill Clinton|her husband]] have been paid millions and millions by [[Multinational corporation|global corporations]] and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest [[Federal government of the United States|government]] and to fix [[Politics of the United States|our rigged system]] so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth.
** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016)

* The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened.
** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, &quot;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]&quot;, ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016).

* A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael.
** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up [[Computers|computer]] literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘[[w:Barron Trump|Barron]], how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart?
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor.
** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again.
* Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media.
* Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from &quot;bad judgement.&quot; She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief.
** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016)

====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)=====
[[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. &lt;br /&gt; Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript &quot;Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC&quot;, ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 &quot;Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech&quot;, ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* The attacks on our [[Law enforcement in the United States|police]], and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country.

* Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. &lt;br /&gt; I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. &lt;br /&gt; The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead.

* It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. &lt;br /&gt; So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. &lt;br /&gt; But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. 

* Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement.
* America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness.
* The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes.
* There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]]
* Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect.
* Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now.
* Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE.
* I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens.
* When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way.
* When a [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before.
* I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. &lt;br /&gt; I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance.
* [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job.
* An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country.
* In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally.
** &quot;I am the law-and-order candidate&quot; was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]].
* Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning.
* I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology.
* We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel.
* We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place.
* I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be.
* Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people.
* Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border.
* We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities.
* We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens.
* I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries.
* No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats.
* My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew.
* America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics.
* All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place.
* My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, &quot;I'm with her.&quot; I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, &quot;I'm with you – the American people.&quot; I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you!

====August 2016====
[[File:Classified documents at Mar-a-Lago bathroom.jpg|thumb|In my administration, I'm going to enforce all [[laws]] concerning the [[protection]] of classified information. No one will be above the law.]]

* He’s not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not going to go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want.
** Claimed about the Russian president Vladimir Putin after Putin had invaded Crimea, Ukraine and while fighting a war in Donbass, Ukraine, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/31/politics/donald-trump-russia-ukraine-crimea-putin/index.html &quot;Trump says Putin is ‘not going to go into Ukraine,’ despite Crimea&quot;], ''CNN'' (August 1, 2016)

* Don't worry about that baby. I love babies.  I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...]  Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here.  That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK.
** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) 

* He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster.
** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}}

* [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.
** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016  |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}).
* In my administration, I'm going to enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law.
** Statement in a [https://www.c-span.org/video/?414134-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-charlotte-north-carolina campaign rally in Charlotte, North Carolina (18 August 2016)], as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-classified-above-law/ &quot;Yes, Trump Said 'No One Will Be Above the Law' Regarding Protection of Classified Information&quot; (9 June 2023)]

* [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]].
** During a Florida rally at the BB&amp;T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 &quot;Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'&quot;] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016)

* I will always tell you the truth.
** [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/8/19/1561877/-Trump-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth-up-to-30-percent-of-the-time &quot;Trump: “I will always tell you the truth” up to 30 percent of the time&quot;], ''Daily Kos'' (August 19, 2024)

* No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, &quot;enough?&quot; It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016)

* I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016)

* Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, &quot;you know, know he meant it!&quot; And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall.
** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016)

* It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ &quot;Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president&quot;] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''.

* The fundamental problem with the immigration system in our country is that it serves the needs of wealthy donors, political activists and powerful politicians. Let me tell you who it doesn’t serve: it doesn’t serve you, the American people.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?&lt;br&gt;Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money.
**??? when informed he was required to fund a transition. [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team 27 September 2018 article in The Guardian by Michael Lewis ]

=====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American.
* Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power.
* Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit
* Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the [[United States Department of State|State Department]] begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people.
* The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens.
* I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation.
* It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy.
* I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government.

====September 2016====
* We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word &quot;confidential&quot; or &quot;classified&quot;.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016)

* For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans?
** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}}

* While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016).

*OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…&lt;br&gt;Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. 
**[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon]

* Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again.
** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}}
** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/].

* People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people.
** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}}

* On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:&lt;br&gt;&quot;We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see.&quot;
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News  (30 September 2016)

=====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs.

* Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing.

* But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement.

* The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor.

* '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, &quot;Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money.&quot; Well, it did collapse.
: '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way.

* We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of [[energy]], but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact.

* We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it.

* NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA.

* You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story.

* She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General [[Douglas MacArthur]] would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

* I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand.

* We have the worst revival of an economy since the [[Great Depression]]. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the [[stock market]], but if you raise [[interest]] rates even a little bit, that's going to come [[Stock market crash|crashing down]].'''

* I will release them as soon as the [[Auditor|audit]]. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the [[IRS]]. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release.
** About releasing his tax returns.

* That makes me smart.
** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]].

* That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful.
** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}}

* As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that.

* I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money.

* Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me.
** About not having paid to some of his employees.

* We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country.

* We have a situation where we have our inner cities, [[African American|African- Americans]], [[w:Hispanic American|Hispanics]] are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot.

* Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[Rudy Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant.

* Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated.

* '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men.
: '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed.
: '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling.
: '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them.

* You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good.

* So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't.

* We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

* We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare.

* President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed.

* I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters.

* You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going.

* I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so.

* I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media.

* The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks.

====October 2016====
* I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&amp;tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016)

* So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016)

* '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?&lt;br&gt;'''Toddler''': Trump.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ &quot;Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally&quot;] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016).

* Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors.
* Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016)

* She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed.
* Reporters at [[The New York Times]] are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for [[Carlos Slim Helú|Carlos Slim]] and Hillary Clinton.
* Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016)

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. 
** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016)

* No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, &quot;Uh, take me down.&quot; She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016)

* Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton]
** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''.

* I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''.
** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}}

* These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting; it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team — good team. I know Hillary met my campaign manager, and I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are — the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC — there's the New York Times, right over there, and the Washington Post. They're working overtime. True. True. Oh, this one’s going to get me in trouble.
** Al Smith charity dinner speech, 20 October 2016

*Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate commission.
**Al Smith charity dinner speech, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-37724391 20 October 2016]

* I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation.  We have a president who doesn't fight.  He goes out and plays golf all the time.   
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally

*She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&amp;t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]]

* And I have to give the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016)

=====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have [[Sexual assault|sexually assaulted]] women. Do you understand that?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk.

* I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do.

* ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor.

* '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail.

* '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say.

* '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about [[Abraham Lincoln]] after having seen [[Lincoln (2012 film)|the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie]] ...&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference.

* I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia.

* '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. 

* ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world.

====November 2016====
* I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} 

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016)
*** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016)

* No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016)

* I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person.
** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016)

=====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me.
* I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the [[w:United States Electoral College|Electoral College]]. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now.
* What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together.
* I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time.
** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton.
* Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction.
* '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.'''
* Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind.
* We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know.
* As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest.
* I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country.
* It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country.
* In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing.
* I've known [[Steve Bannon]] a long time. If I thought he was a [[Racism in the United States|racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else.
* To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten.
* I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ...  I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that.
* [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel.

====December 2016====
* There is no global anthem, no global [[currency]], no certificate of global [[citizenship]], we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the [[Flag of the United States|American Flag]]!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (1 December 2016)

* Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp.
** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016)

* We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time.
** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}}

===2017===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|First presidency of Donald Trump}}
* '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its [[Espionage|intelligence]] agencies?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, &quot;Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras.&quot; I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, &quot;I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television.&quot; I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, &quot;Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place.&quot;&lt;br&gt;And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017)

* People don't realize, you know, the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], if you think about it, why?
** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017)

===2019===
* ''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?&lt;br /&gt;''Trump:'' The buck stops with everybody.
**[https://theweek.com/speedreads/816895/president-trump-buck-stops-everybody January 10, 2019]

* I just feel like a young man.  I’m so young.  I can’t believe it.  I’m the youngest person.  I am a young, vibrant man. I look at Joe — I don’t know about him.  I don’t know. I would never say anyone is too old, but I know they’re all making me look very young, both in terms of age and I think in terms of energy.  I think you people know that better than anybody.
**[https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-40/ April 26, 2019]

*The Jews always flip.
**attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019]

* Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.
** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter]

*The kidney has a very special place in the heart.
**[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019]

===2020===
====January 2020====
* &lt;!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk?  --&gt;&lt;!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=4s):--&gt; Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit.  I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way.  I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]].  I've said I've never seen that before. &lt;!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=19s):--&gt; And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius.  We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things.  And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important.  But he's done a very good job. &lt;!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=41s):--&gt; Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast.  You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things.  He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States.  He has to.  Because we help him, so he has to help us.
** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined
** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}}

====February 2020====
* There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum.
** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}}

* Can we get like ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone with the Wind]]'' back, please? ''[[Sunset Boulevard]]'', so many great movies.  
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms]
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020

====March 2020====
:See also:
::'''''[[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States]]'''''

* I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have.
** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

====April 2020====
* It's called &quot;[[social media]].&quot; It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on [[Facebook]].  Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. [[Iran]] has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in [[Iraq]]. And so, you know, that's the way it is.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}.
** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was &quot;number one on Facebook&quot;, claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}''

====May 2020====
*I have not touched my face in a week.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-face-touching-video-proof_n_5e601ac1c5b6985ec91abce1]

====August 2020====
* I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time,
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}}

* I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis.  He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe.
** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} 

* Yeah, I wish her well.
* But I wish her well.
* I do wish her well.
** Said about [[Ghislaine Maxwell]], quoted in [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/04/trump-well-wishes-ghislaine-maxwell-391274 &quot;Trump doubles down on well-wishes for alleged sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell&quot;] ''Politico'' (August 4, 2020)

* So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} 

* Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!)
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture'
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} 

* I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate
** Said about the [[QAnon]] group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}}

* If Jesus came down and was the vote counter, I would win California.
** [https://www.foxla.com/news/trump-tells-dr-phil-he-would-have-won-california-2020-jesus-was-counting-votes &quot;Trump tells Dr. Phil he would have won California in 2020 if Jesus 'was the vote counter'&quot;] ''Fox 11 Los Angeles'' (August 30, 2024)

====September 2020====
* CNN reported that I had a heart attack.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}}

* I don't think [[science]] knows, actually.
* It'll start getting cooler. You just watch.
** Trump described his stance on [[Scientific consensus on climate change|climate science]] and [[global warming]], as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} 

* Critical race theory, the 1619 Project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that, if not removed, will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together. It will destroy our country.
** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020)

*She just died? Wow. I didn't know that. You are telling me now for the first time. She led an amazing life. What else can you say? Whether you agreed or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I am actually sad to hear that.
**[https://deadline.com/2020/09/donald-trump-ruth-bader-ginsburg-1234579988/ On the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg] (18 September 2020)

* Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes.  But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. 
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press.  They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish [[capitalism]] and abolish school choice.  
** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} 

* Totally fake news
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump

* [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting  money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS &amp; HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!!
** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020

====October 2020====
* I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}}

* I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience.  I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}}

* They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you.
** Trump referred back to when [[Joe Biden]] was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally
 | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}}

* That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet.  I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves.
** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}}

* Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- &lt;b&gt;women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.&lt;/b&gt;
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}}

===2021===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency &lt;/div&gt;
|-
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====February 2021====
* The [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]] can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. [[Mitch McConnell]] at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and [[Chuck Schumer]] play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last.
* It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will.
* Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country.
** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021]

====March 2021====
* Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me?
* Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us.
* We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ...
* But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time.
* This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it.
* And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day.
* And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder?
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself.
* He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group.
* He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda.
* If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow.
* 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove
 | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt |  title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}}

* No more money for RINOS.  They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. 
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner |  title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works.
** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}}

* &lt;i&gt; About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:&lt;/i&gt; It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships.  A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi |  title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.  We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.
** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin |  title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}}

* Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about [[Anthony Fauci|Dr. Fauci]] and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned.  They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk
* Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice.
* I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din |  title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}}
* Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels |  title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe
 | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}}

====April 2021====
* Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly |  title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies'
 | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}}

* I'll give you a little breaking news, [[w:Pfizer|Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[w:Johnson &amp; Johnson|Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity]

* Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&amp;IR=T &quot;Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'&quot;], Business Insider, 19 April 2021

====May 2021====
*If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021]

*The entire Database of [[Maricopa County]] in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021]

====June 2021====
*Congratulations to the country of [[Nigeria]], who just banned [[Twitter]] because they banned [[Muhammadu Buhari|their President]]. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. [[Mark Zuckerberg|Zuckerberg]] kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. 
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6]

*They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group.
** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/]

====July 2021====
*The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against [[Big Tech]] and other forces that seek to destroy it.
**7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook]
*Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. 
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com]

====August 2021====
*There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco.  
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021]

*If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021]

* If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze.
* Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has.
* They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job!
** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 &quot;‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze&quot;], The Guardian, 5 August 2021

* I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 &quot;Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote&quot;], Newsweek, 10 August 2021

* I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html &quot;Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated&quot;], CNBC, 22 August 2021

====September 2021====
* If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York!
* I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do.
* We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue.
**[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11]

* We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html &quot;Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years&quot;], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021

* [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go!
** &quot;[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]&quot; (September 17, 2021)

* Everybody will be watching [[Arizona]] tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election!
** &quot;[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]&quot; (September 23, 2021)

====October 2021====
* Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 &quot;Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him&quot;], Newsweek, 2 October 2021

* the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results
** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]&quot; (October 6, 2021)
* [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country. 
* The [[American]] people are with you!
** In an emailed statement &quot;[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]&quot; (October 7,2021)

*  If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do.
** According to an MSNBC article and a short video &quot;[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]&quot; (October 13, 2021)

* It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive.  You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years.
* I’m not into golden showers.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html &quot;Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech&quot;], Yahoo News (October 16 2021)

*I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit. And some fruit is a lot worse than — tomatoes are bad by the way. 
**[https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21748396-trumpdepositionexcerptsefraingalicia42622/ Deposition], October 18, 2021

* After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president
** &quot;[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]&quot; (October 18, 2021)

* Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace!
** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}}

*We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced
**&quot;[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]&quot; (October 20, 2021)

*[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore.
**29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial

====November 2021====
*RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves
**on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021)

====December 2021==== 
*He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him,
**10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel]
* I thought the [[Palestinians]] were impossible, and the [[Israelis]] would do anything to make peace and a deal. I found that not to be true.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Trump: I thought Israelis would do anything for peace, but found that not to be true], ''Times of Israel'' (11 December 2021)
*Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal.
**11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel]

*There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.&lt;br&gt;I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.&lt;br&gt;It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.&lt;br&gt;And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.&lt;br&gt;The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.&lt;br&gt;I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family.
**17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair]

*I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop.
**[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021]

* &lt;i&gt; About developing vaccines against Covid-19: &lt;/i&gt;  Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html &quot;Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster&quot;], CNN, 21 December 2021

* I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines.
** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying &quot;Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'&quot;], The Hill, 23 December 2021

===2022===
====January 2022====
* If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine.
** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, &quot;[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']&quot;, [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022)

*I ran twice and we won twice.&lt;br&gt;This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back.
**15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic]

*If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.&lt;br&gt;And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly.
**30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP]

*Actually, what they are saying, is that [[Mike Pence]] did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!'''
**31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

====February 2022====
*I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out.
**4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer

* I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of [[Ukraine]], Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful.  So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force.  We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well.
** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis &amp; Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html &quot;Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war&quot;], CNN, 23 February 2022.

* They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of [[Sanction|sanctions]]. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html &quot;Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin&quot;], CNN, 24 February 2022

====March 2022====
*They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ]
* The vote counter is often more important than the candidate.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html &quot;Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'&quot;], yahoo news, 6 March 2022
*Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day!
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22]
*She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me.
**[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti]
*I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word. They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with]
*Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change]
*The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America.
**[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ]
====April 2022====
*Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well!
**[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!]
*He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it?
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite]

* I think I’m the most honest human being perhaps that god ever created.
** Claimed at an an event in Selma, North Carolina, on April 10, 2022, referred to in [https://www.thelist.com/829709/donald-trump-just-described-himself-in-a-very-unexpected-way/ &quot;Donald Trump Just Described Himself In A Very Unexpected Way&quot;], ''The List'' (April 12, 2022)

* But when I didn’t win the election ..
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene &amp; Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy &amp; Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video)

* Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator?  Perhaps a dictator would be better.  I don't want to be a dumb person.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&amp;IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022
April 2022

====May 2022====
*With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] 

* I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices.
:I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location.
:Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a [[w:Samsung|Samsung]] mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.”
:[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts.
:* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST)

*[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way
** [[Trump]]  according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14)

=====NRA convention speech (May 27, 2022)=====
* The existence of evil in our world is not a reason to disarm law-abiding citizens. The existence of evil is one of the very best reasons to arm law-abiding citizens.
* Every time a disturbed or demented person commits a hideous crime there is always a grotesque effort by some in our society to advance their own extreme political agenda.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/28/school-shooting-strengthens-case-for-guns-donald-trump-tells-nra &quot;School shooting strengthens case for guns, Donald Trump tells NRA&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2022)

* We need a top-to-bottom security overhaul of schools [...] Every building should have a single entry point. No one should ever be able to get near a classroom until they have been checked, scanned and screened ... Above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have an armed police officer or an armed resources officer on duty at all times. [...] Clearly, we need to make it far easier to confine the violent and mentally deranged into mental institutions.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/after-horror-failure-of-uvalde-massacre-business-as-usual-at-nra-meeting-in-houston-20220528-p5ap7y.html &quot;After horror, failure of Uvalde massacre, business as usual at NRA meeting in Houston&quot;] ''The Sydney Morning Herald'' (May 28, 2022)

==== July 2022 ====
* Warmongering and despicable human being [[Liz Cheney]], who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history,
** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ &quot;Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president&quot;], New York Post, 4 July 2022

* Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it.
** Claimed about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]].  Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ &quot;Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally&quot;], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022)
 
* I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win.
* In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision.
* I made America great again, and I may have to do it again.
** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html &quot;Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce&quot;], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022

==== September 2022 ====
* J.D. is kissing my ass he wants my support so bad.
** Said about [[J.D. Vance]], Republican Senate candidate for Ohio, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/09/19/politics/donald-trump-jd-vance-ohio-rally/index.html &quot;Donald Trump humiliated J.D. Vance for fun&quot;], CNN, 20 September 2022

* If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it, because you're sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you're sending it. And there doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but it doesn't have to be.
** [https://www.baynews9.com/fl/tampa/politics/2022/09/22/trump--presidents-can-declassify-files-by--thinking-about-it- &quot;Trump: Presidents can declassify files by 'thinking about it'&quot;], Bay News 9, 22 September 2022

==== October 2022 ====
* They actually taunted him, if you really look at it. Our country, and our so-called leadership, taunted Putin. I said, you know, they're almost forcing him to go in with what they're saying. The rhetoric was so dumb.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-blames-us-almost-forcing-putin-invade-ukraine-1750145/ Trump Blames U.S. for 'Almost Forcing' Putin to Invade Ukraine], Newsweek, 8 October 2022

==== November 2022 ====
* We're winning big, big, big in the [[Republican Party]] for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before
:There it is, Trump at 71 [percent]. [[Ron DeSanctimonious]] at 10 percent. [[Mike Pence]] at 7 — oh, Mike Pence doing better than I thought​.
:* [https://nypost.com/2022/11/06/trump-mocks-desantis-as-ron-desanctimonious/ Pompeo jumps to defend DeSantis after Trump's 'Ron DeSanctimonious' comments] (By Mark Moore November 6, 2022 1:41pm  Updated)

*The Absentee Ballot situation in Detroit is REALLY BAD.&lt;br&gt;People are showing up to Vote only to be told 'sorry, you have already voted.'&lt;br&gt;This is happening in large numbers, elsewhere as well.&lt;br&gt;Protest, Protest, Protest!
**8 November 2022 [https://truthsocial.com/embed/109309832870332871 post on TruthSocia] later [https://twitter.com/JocelynBenson/status/1590079320302968832 quoted via screenshot in tweet] by [[Jocelyn Benson]] which was [https://www.yahoo.com/now/trump-amplifies-nonsense-claims-voter-212425641.html quoted by Yahoo News]

* Well, I think if they win, I should get all the credit. And if they lose, I should not be blamed at all, OK, but it’ll probably be just the opposite.
:* [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/09/us/politics/trump-endorsements-midterms-gop.html Trump Hoped for a Celebration but Did Not Have Much to Cheer] (By By Michael C. Bender and Maggie Haberman November 9, 2022, 2:33 a.m. ET)

* [[Ron DeSantis|Ron DeSanctimonious]] is playing games! The Fake News asks him if he's going to run if President Trump runs, and he says, 'I'm only focused on the Governor's race, I'm not looking into the future.' Well, in terms of loyalty and class, that's really not the right answer.
** Adam Carlson, Jay O'Brien, and Katherine Faulders, [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-takes-aim-ron-desantis-suggesting-2024-rival/story?id=93084111 Trump takes aim at Ron DeSantis, suggesting he's a 2024 rival], ''ABC News'' (November 10, 2022).

*He shows up with 3 people, two of which I didn’t know, the other a political person who I haven’t seen in years,” the former president wrote on Truth Social. “Fake News went CRAZY!”
**29 November 2022 on Truth Social (per [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-kanye-west-nick-fuentes-mar-a-lago-dinner-1234638552/ this article] by Charisma Madarang of Rolling Stone) after [[Kanye West]] showed up for dinner with Boeing employee Jamal and [[Nick Fuentes]] (the two unknowns) and [[Karen Giorno]] (an aide from Trump's 2016 campaign) in a meeting arranged by [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] (who did not attend) via Karen

====December 2022====
* People have been treated unconstitutionally in my opinion and very, very unfairly, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.
** Comments made concerning rioters involved in the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] during a fund raising speech cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/02/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-support/index.html &quot;Trump expresses support for Capitol rioters as he continues to embrace extremist groups&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 2, 2022)

* Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.
** cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/03/politics/trump-constitution-truth-social/index.html &quot;Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution in Truth Social post&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 4, 2022)

===2023===
====January 2023====
*So an out-of-control wild man kills beautiful Ashli Babbitt, a true Patriot, who was the only one killed on January 6th.&lt;br&gt;Her mother goes to protest her death and memory, and they arrest her mother.&lt;br&gt;Something has to be done about these [[Communism|Communists]] and [[Marxism|Marxists]] that are taking over and destroying our Country.&lt;br&gt;Pray for Ashli, and her wonderful, brave mother!
**8 January 2023 [https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump/posts/109655572118634418 gab]

*The [[left-wing]] [[gender]] [[insanity]] being pushed on our children is an act of child abuse—very simple.
**31 January 2023 [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-attacks-transgender-rights-video-1234671967/  per Rolling Stone]

====February 2023====
* Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history—This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’
** [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social &quot;Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'&quot;], Vanity Fair, 13 February 2023

====March 2023====
=====CPAC keynote speech (March 4, 2023)=====
&lt;small&gt;CPAC keynote address in National Harbor, Maryland, on March 4, 2023, reported in {{cite web|url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-key-moments-donald-trump-cpac-speech-1785586 |title=Five Key Moments from Donald Trump's Crucial CPAC Speech|first1=Khaleda|last1=Rahman|publisher=Newsweek|date=March 5, 2023}}&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent, and very easily, World War III.

* We are never going back to a party that wants to give unlimited money to fight foreign endless wars but demands we cut veteran benefits and retirement benefits at home.

* We’re not going back to people that want to destroy our great Social Security system – even some in our own party; I wonder who that might be – who want to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 70, 75 or even 80 in some cases, and who are out to cut Medicare to a level that will be unrecognizable

* In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution.

* I will totally obliterate the deep state. I will fire the unelected bureaucrats and shadow forces who have weaponized our justice system like it has never been weaponized before. And I will put the people back in charge of this country again.

*This is the final battle – they know it, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Either they win, or we win. And I promise you this: If you put me back in the White House, their reign will be over, and America will be a free nation once again.

*'''Before I even arrive''' at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled.&lt;br&gt;I will get the problem solved.&lt;br&gt;And I will get it solved in rapid order and ''''it will take me no longer than one day''', I know exactly what to say to each of them, I got along very well with Putin.
**the [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/04/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html March 4th] speech was referenced when this was quoted [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/07/politics/trump-desantis-ukraine-2024-campaign/index.html March 7th] by Stephen Collinson in a CNN analysis
***Trump later reuses the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#June 2024]] in Philadelphia

====April 2023====
*Republicans in Congress should defund the DOJ and FBI until they come to their senses. The Democrats have totally weaponized law enforcement in our country and are viciously using this abuse of power to interfere with our already under siege elections!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/donald-trump-calls-defunding-federal-police-arrest-new-york-rcna78301 Donald Trump calls for defunding federal police after his arrest in New York] ''Truth Social'' (April 5, 2023)

=====NRA convention speech (April 14, 2023)=====
* Our country has been chock full of guns for centuries, and there was no talk of [[w:School shooting|massacres of schoolchildren]] until around the year 2000. That's what it really started. They started talking about it. '''This is not a gun problem.''' This is a mental health problem. This is a social problem. This is a cultural problem. This is a spiritual problem.
* I will ask Congress to repeal totally ineffective legislation that makes it harder to protect our schools and easier for criminals to face absolutely no opposition when they go in. I will also create a new tax credit to reimburse any teacher for the full costs of a concealed carry firearm and training from highly qualified experts. Who's better? Who's better? '''If even 5% of teachers, people that are skilled with arms, we want that. 5% were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active shooters. We would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist.'''
** From a [[National Rifle Association|NRA]] convention speech in Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=97388003ab4443938dba616244ea0117 &quot;Trump calls for arming teachers at NRA convention&quot;] ''AP Newsroom'' (April 15, 2023)

* [T]he only way to stop these wicked actions is to '''ensure that any sicko who would shoot up a school knows that within seconds, not minutes, they will face certain death.'''
** Speech at the NRA convention, Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/04/14/trump-pence-nra-2024/ &quot;Trump, in legal peril, draws cheers at NRA convention; Pence draws boos&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (April 14, 2023)

====May 2023====
*They’re dying, Russians and Ukrainians. '''I want them to stop dying.''' And I’ll have that done — '''I’ll have that done in 24 hours'''
**May 2023 at a CNN Town Hall, quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-russia-ukraine-war-un-election-a78ecb843af452b8dda1d52d137ca893 2 July 2024 article by Edith M. Lederer for AP News]

==== June 2023 ====
[[File:&quot;TOP SECRET SCI&quot; (Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information) cover sheets - from, Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago (cropped).jpg|thumb|I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!]]

* I have been [[Federal prosecution of Donald Trump|summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse]] in [[Miami]] on Tuesday, at 3 PM. I never thought it [[possible]] that such a thing could happen to a former [[President of the United States]], who received far more [[votes]] than any sitting President in the History of our Country, and is currently leading, by far, all Candidates, both [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]], in Polls of the [[2024 United States presidential election|2024 Presidential Election]]. I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!
** Web posting, reported in [https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/06/08/trump-told-to-appear-in-miami-after-indictment-by-federal-grand-jury-abc-reporting/ &quot;Trump told to appear in Miami after indictment by federal grand jury, ABC reporting&quot; in ''WPLG Local 10'' (8 June 2023)]

*'''This is the final battle'''. With you at my side, we will demolish the deep state. expel the warmongers from our government. We will drive out the globalists. We will cast out the Communists, Marxists, and Fascists, and we will throw off the sick political class that hates our country. We will rout the fake news media, and we will defeat crooked Joe Biden. We will liberate America from these villains once and for all. 
**[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/06/trump-lists-all-the-villains-he-plans-to-destroy-in-a-second-term Trump told the audience at the Oakland County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner]

*For three years, Biden and his radical left allies have waged war on American auto workers in his ridiculous crusade to force everyone into electric cars, ridiculous regulations kill more than half of US auto jobs and decimate the suppliers that they decimated already, decimate the suppliers and it’s going to decimate your jobs.
**[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/06/26/donald-trump-accuses-joe-biden-environmental-extremism/ Telegraph] , [https://www.candgnews.com/news/trump-headlines-oakland-county-republican-party-lincoln-day-dinner-2796 Trump headlines Oakland County Republican Party Lincoln Day Dinner]

====July 2023====
*“Is it Crooked Joe and his wonderful son, Hunter? Release the findings, release the tapes. We can’t have a crackhead in charge of our Nuclear Arsenal!!
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-hunter-biden-cocaine-justice-department-b2373556.html]
*… He’s totally compromised...I don’t like doing the same word for two people. We’re using the word crooked for Joe Biden because Joe Biden is the most crooked president in the history.
**[https://www.republicworld.com/world-news/us-news/trump-says-he-was-very-kind-to-biden-then-tells-us-president-gloves-are-off-articleshow.html republicworld]
*We have potential for a war outside of Ukraine - Russia. We should have kept Bagram because Bagram is one of the largest military bases in the world cost us billions of dollars to build forget about Afghanistan, it's one hour away from where China is building their nuclear weapons.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*If China takes Taiwan they will turn the world off potentially.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*Millions of illegal aliens have stormed across our borders. It is an invasion, like a military invasion. Our rights and liberties are being torn to shreds,Your country is being turned into a third-world hellhole, run by censors, perverts, criminals, and thugs.”
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/trump-u-s-is-being-turned-into-a-third-world-hellhole-run-by-perverts-and-thugs criminals and perverts]

*America is tired of being ruled by radical bureaucrats in Washington the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas, the Radical Left Democrats, the Marxists – guys like Paul Ryan and Karl Rove. Their reign will be over, and it will be over quickly, and America will be a free nation once again.
**speech [https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-says-hes-the-only-candidate-that-cant-be-owned-or-controlled/]
* Think of this. We give them everything, including military protection and trade, and now we have to pay them to go there. As President I will not allow this, will end very quickly.
**“U.S. CITIZENS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR A VISA TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE STARTING IN 2024.” [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110776705512999901]
*Gloves are off.Under crooked Joe Biden. I never called him that. I took the name away from Hillary Clinton. We call her beautiful Hillary now.Now it's crooked Joe, because it's a much more appropriate name right now for this man who's just destroying our country.
**rally [https://www.newsmax.com/newsmax-tv/donald-trump-july-4-south-carolina/2023/07/01/id/1125653/]
*As part of my plan to obtain total independence from China, we will phase in tariffs and import restrictions to bring back production of all essential medicines to the United States of America where they belong. I signed an executive order to begin this process in 2020 but Biden has shamefully failed to follow through. He wants it ended. He wants to take care of China.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-promises-to-return-production-of-cancer-drugs-essential-medicines-to-u-s/]

*They don’t go after the people who cheated in the election, they only go after the people who report on, or question the cheating if you don't have strong borders you don't have a country, right now we don't have a country.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781850689911246]

*Trumpism or America first is very simple low taxes and regulations , the most powerful military , tariffs on countries taking advantage, protection of section amendment , great healthcare , low energy prices, parental power on school boards, life , strong borders.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781828901024566]

*I expect nothing from the meeting with my lawyers and the lunatics in the DOJ regarding January 6th. They just want to interfere with the Presidential Election on 2024. It is their new form of cheating, but we will win !!! How can deranged Jack Smith bring a case on January 6th., as ridiculous as it is anyway, when I have already won such a case, and been fully acquitted, in the U.S. Senate? In other words, I was Impeached on this, and won!!! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793264554684917] [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793284091097891]

====August 2023====
*These monsters, all controlled and coordinated by the DOJ and Radical Left Lunatics, are Criminalizing Political Speech, a total SHUTDOWN OF DEMOCRACY!
**Truth Social Post 6:28 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895990420845351]

*CROOKED JOE BIDEN IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY CHINA, UKRAINE, &amp; VARIOUS OTHER COUNTRIES. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM - ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS. HE IS A COMPROMISED PRESIDENT WHO IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL. HE IS A MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE!
**Truth Social Post 6:20 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895877441671196]

*I believe we have a compromised president. He was bribed, and now he’s being blackmailed. He’s a Manchurian Candidate. That’s why Crooked Joe is letting other countries walk all over the United States.
**Truth Social Post on August 15, 2023.[https://links.truthsocial.com/link/110895072887935769]

*IMPOSSIBLE to get a fair trial in Washington, D.C., which is over 95% anti-Trump, &amp; for which I have called for a Federal TAKEOVER in order to bring our Capital back to Greatness. It is now a high crime embarrassment to our Nation and, indeed, the World
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110823476578708544
*I AM NOW GOING TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO BE ARRESTED FOR HAVING CHALLENGED A CORRUPT, RIGGED, &amp; STOLEN ELECTION. IT IS A GREAT HONOR, BECAUSE I AM BEING ARRESTED FOR YOU. Biden and his family steal Millions and Millions of Dollars, including BRIBES from foreign countries, and I’m headed to D.C. to be ARRESTED for protesting a CROOKED ELECTION. UNFAIR VENUE, UNFAIR JUDGE. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826519469646840 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826840688757163
*CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAD TO FLY TO A FILTHY, DIRTY, FALLING APART, &amp; VERY UNSAFE WASHINGTON, D.C., TODAY, &amp; THAT I WAS THEN ARRESTED BY MY POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHO IS LOSING BADLY TO ME IN THE POLLS, CROOKED JOE BIDEN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD DAY!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110828062805817649
*A very sad day for America, and it was also very sad driving through Washington, D.C., and seeing the filth and decay and all of the broken buildings and walls and the graffiti. This is not the place that I left. It’s a very sad thing to see it.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-tells-reporters-if-you-cant-beat-him-you-persecute-him-or-you-prosecute-him/
*They’re trying to make it illegal to question the results of a bad election…But only a party that cheats in elections would try to make it illegal, on Election Day 2024, we’re going to evict Crooked Joe Biden from the White House…We’re going to expel the criminals and thugs from the halls of power in Washington, D.C. 
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-draws-biggest-crowd-ever-to-alabama-gop-dinner/ Alabama]

*We are NOT a free nation, We don’t have a free press. We have a corrupt press.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-the-tables-must-turn-and-we-will-quickly-destroy-the-deep-state/ Alabama]
*OUR HIGHLY PARTISAN, AND VERY CORRUPT,  DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, COULD HAVE BROUGHT THIS BIDIN “OPPONENT” CASE YEARS AGO, BUT CHOSE TO WAIT AND BRING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN. NO WAY!!! I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING AMERICA. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110842856814664717 
*This will be the single biggest and most important election in the history of our country - maybe in the history of the WORLD.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110840001623943794 

*The “shocking and totally unexpected” loss by the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team to Sweden is fully emblematic of what is happening to the our once great Nation under Crooked Joe Biden. Many of our players were openly hostile to America - No other country behaved in such a manner, or even close. WOKE EQUALS FAILURE. Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!!
*https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110845290114601452

*WHAT THE DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE IS DOING TO ME IS THE SAME THING DONE BY THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT IT WILL NOT WORK.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-explains-why-he-should-not-have-a-protective-order-placed-on-him-by-deranged-jack-smith/ 

*Let’s see! My political Opponent, Crooked Joe Biden, tells Merrick Garland and the DOJ to indict and arrest me on bogus charges and accusations, trying desperately to steal the Election. But that wasn’t enough! He now wants Thug Prosecutor, Deranged Jack Smith, to file for a Court Order taking away my first amendment rights, SPEECH. So, based on yet another Radical Left Hoax, I’ll be the only “Politician” in American history not allowed to SPEAK. THE NEVER ENDING WITCH HUNT CONTINUES.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110852063479466833

*They just found a letter from Crooked Joe Biden directly to Keven Archer. Oh well, so much for “Joe” not knowing anything about all of the money he extorted. At some point the LameStream Media will have to cover this story, perhaps the biggest scandal in U.S. history. When they do, our Country will start to heal!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110850107581995665

*HOW CAN MY CORRUPT POLITICAL OPPONENT PUT ME ON TRIAL(S) DURING A CAMPAIGN THAT I AM WINNING (BY A LOT!), BUT FORCING ME TO SPEND TIME AND MONEY AWAY FROM THE “CAMPAIGN TRAIL” IN ORDER TO FIGHT BOGUS ACCUSATIONS &amp; CHARGES? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF ELECTIONS IN AMERICA? CAN A PRESIDENT ORDER HIS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE TO INDICT AN OPPONENT JUST PRIOR TO AN ELECTION? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110849582956879248

*Just found out that Crooked Joe Biden’s DOJ secretly attacked my Twitter account, making it a point not to let me know about this major “hit” on my civil rights. My Political Opponent is going CRAZY trying to infringe on my Campaign for President. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does the First Amendment still exist? Did Deranged Jack Smith tell the Unselects to DESTROY &amp; DELETE all evidence? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110860965885418709

*It’s not like the State or Country is coming down on me. It’s a dishonest politician and his gang of Thugs breaking the law in order to get re-elected. 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110859441854770499

*So now that I have full Subpoena Power because of the Freedom of Speech Sham Indictment by Crooked Joe Biden,  Deranged Jack Smith, and the DOJ, it has just been reported that the Unselect January 6th Committee of Political Hacks and Thugs has illegally destroyed their Records and Documents. This is unthinkable, and the Fake Political Indictment against me must be immediately withdrawn. The system is Rigged &amp; Corrupt, very much like the Presidential Election of 2020. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110857162338915853
*Thousands of veterans were put on secret medial wait lists and many of them were left to die, All of that changed when WE arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-lays-out-exemplary-agenda-that-will-restore-hope-and-care-to-americas-veterans/ 

*Whenever more Biden corruption is exposed his henchmen charge me with a crime.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110855681234356104 
*I think that Crooked Joe Biden is not only dumb and incompetent, I believe he has gone MAD, a stark raving Lunatic, with his HORRIBLE AND COUNTRY THREATENING ENVIRONMENTAL, OPEN BORDERS, &amp; DOJ/FBI WEAPONIZATION POLICIES. HE IS A MENTAL CATASTROPHE THAT IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL!What Crooked Joe Biden, who can’t string two sentences together, has done to our once great Country through his Open Borders CATASTROPHE, may go down as the greatest and most damaging mistake ever made in USA HISTORY. It is not even believable that such incompetence and stupidity could have been allowed to happen. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED BY A MAN WITH THE MIND, IDEAS, AND I.Q. OF A FIRST GRADER. THIS INVASION OF OUR COUNTRY MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865224814637476 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865185229848140


*The Fake Indictments against me didn’t come down from heaven, they came from the most corrupt President in the history of the United States, Crooked Joe Biden, in order to Rig &amp; Steal another Election.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110867274500411944]

*Why is “Phoney” (Like in PERFECT “PHONE” CALL, get it?) Fani Willis, the severely underperforming D.A. of Fulton County who is being accused of having an “affair” with a Gang Member of a group that she is prosecuting, leaking my name in regard to a Grand Jury pertaining to Election Fraud &amp; Irregularities that I say took place in Georgia. I made a PERFECT PHONE CALL OF PROTEST. What does Phoney Fani have to do with me? She should instead focus on the record number of murders in Atlanta!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882230702522121

*The only Election Interference that took place in Fulton County, Georgia, was done by those that Rigged and Stole the Election, not by me, who simply complained that the Election was Rigged and Stolen. We have Massive and Conclusive Proof, if the Grand Jury would like to see it. Unfortunately, the publicity seeking D.A. isn’t interested in Justice, or this evidence. Also, as in Manhattan, the corrupt DOJ is pushing hard trying to keep Biden in Office. The whole system is dishonest and broken!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882321735123573

*To say no comment is oftentimes fine, but to be smiling when you say it, especially again such a tragedy as this, is absolutely horrible and unacceptable, Our government was not prepared. And very importantly, the aftermath is going very poorly with the governor of the island wanting to do nothing but blame it on global warming, and other things that just happen to pop into his head.
**https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4152554-trump-bidens-response-to-maui-fires-disgraceful/


*“Hey, I’m running against a guy, I’m going to Indict him 3 or 4 times to keep him busy.” Does anyone think that Crooked Joe Biden would have said something like this???
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110914172490735501

*David Rivkin, a highly respected Constitutional law scholar, just clearly stated that I have “Constitutionally-based immunity” and “absolute immunity!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918895000463495

*Why should Crooked Joe Biden be able to force me into the time and expense of trials, especially before the Election, on bogus claims pushed by his chief political supporter, The Department of Injustice? What a horrible precedent this sets for future Presidential campaigns. Crooked Joe Biden’s only campaign strategy is Indicting me, going on extended vacations, and Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!!!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918860464876718 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918173717605996 

*I easily won the Great State of Georgia in 2016, did a fantastic job, as President, for Georgia and the entire USA, received 10 Million more votes than I got, nationwide, in 2016, got by far the most votes in history for a sitting President, but shockingly,  “LOST” Georgia. All this despite winning nearby Alabama and South Carolina in Record Setting Landslides. Why did Georgia officials agree to, and sign, the one sided Consent Decree? Does anybody really believe I lost Georgia? I DON’T!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110916681777676824


====September 2023====
*MINORITY VOTERS ARE ABANDONING CROOKED JOE BIDEN &amp; THE DEMOCRAT PARTY FOR “TRUMP.” THANK YOU, A VERY WISE DECISION!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/1110151303435539041

*It is all a shadow of its former self. Ukraine, Inflation, Bad Economy, Woke Military, No World Standing, No Respect, and today, 6 Billion Dollars for hostages. Where is the call from Republicans for the 25th Amendment.
**Truth social

*Can you believe that Crooked Joe Biden is giving $6 Billion to the terrorist regime in Iran? That money be used for terrorism all over the Middle East, and, indeed, the World. This incompetent FOOL is absolutely destroying America He had the audacity to announce this terrible deal today, September 11th. To pay for hostages will lead to kidnapping, ransom, and blackmail against Americans across the globe So, lets get this straight! We did a hostage TRADE with Iran. We gave them 5 very tough, smart people that they desperately wanted. We likewise got back 5 people BUT, we also gave them 6 BILLION DOLLARS! How much of a kickback does Crooked Joe Biden get Does anyone realize how much money 6 Billion Dollars is? When I was President, I got back 58 hostages for ZERO money. Remember Pastor Brunson? It sets a TERRIBLE precedent. Republicans, call out the 25th Amendment, NOW! Biden is INCOMPETENT
**https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/4199317-trump-rips-biden-for-release-of-6b-in-iranian-funds/

*Early in the administration Education department will be closing . we spend more money on education than any other country yet we are bottom of every list.
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&amp;v=ojRde4zCYd0 Truth social]

*Biden’s job killing EV mandate has dictated that nearly seven percent of all cars sold in the US must be fully electric in less than 10 years. Crooked Joe Biden is back like a wretched old vulture.
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-crooked-joe-biden-is-back-like-a-wretched-old-vulture-trying-to-finish-off-his-prey/]

*[[Mark Milley]], who led perhaps the most embarrassing moment in American history with his grossly incompetent implementation of the withdrawal from Afghanistan, costing many lives, leaving behind hundreds of American citizens, and handing over BILLIONS of dollars of the finest military equipment ever made, will be leaving the military next week. This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy turned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States. This is an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH! A war between China and the United States could have been the result of this treasonous act. To be continued!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/111111513207332826 Truth social]

* Nobody has any idea where these people are coming from. And we know they come from prisons. We know they come from mental institutions, insane asylums. We know they're terrorists. Nobody has seen anything like we're witnessing right now. It is a very sad thing for our country. It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad.
** ''The National Pulse'' interview, quoted in {{cite web |date=2023-10-17 |title=Trump - &quot;Migrants Poisoning the Blood of Our Country&quot; |work=Meidas Touch |url=https://www.meidastouch.com/:section/trump-migrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country }}

====October 2023====
*We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store... Shot! The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place. There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country
**2 October 2023 in [https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/trump-calls-for-shoplifters-to-be-shot-to-save-the-nation/ NY Post]

*I had a wonderful life before all this stuff. I '''didn't know what a grand jury was''', I didn't know what a subpoena, '''what is a subpoena'''? I had a wonderful life.
**5 October 2023 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uPUfVrb74&amp;t=842s spoken interview]

* lowlife with a very small brain and a very big mouth
* by far the dumbest of my military people
* incapable of doing a good job
* It was too much for him, and I couldn’t stand the guy, so I fired him like a ‘dog’
** Claimed about John Kelly, retired U.S. Marine Corps general, former Chief of Staff for Donald Trump, and before that US Homeland Security Secretary, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/05/donald-trump-john-kelly-comments-military-veterans &quot;‘Lowlife with small brain and big mouth’: Trump hits out at ex-aide Kelly&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (October 5, 2023)

* There’s a man, Viktor Orbán, did anyone ever hear of him?  He’s probably, like, one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world. He’s the leader of Turkey.
**24 October 2023 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-confuses-turkish-and-hungarian-leaders-orban-erdogan/ &quot;Trump praises Hungary’s ‘Viktor Orbán’ as great ‘leader of Turkey’&quot;], ''Politico''

==== November 2023 ====
* We pledge to you that we will root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream. The threat from outside forces is far less sinister, dangerous, and grave, than the threat from within. Despite the hatred and anger of the Radical Left Lunatics who want to destroy our Country, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/donald-trump-fascist-vermin/ &quot;The “Is Donald Trump a Fascist?” Debate Has Been Ended—by Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Nation'' (November 14, 2023)

====December 2023====
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody?
*:''Donald Trump:'' Except for day one.
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Except for—
*: ''Donald Trump:'' ''[aside to audience, pointing at Sean]'' He's doing great. ''[to Sean]'' Except for day one. I want to close the border and I want to drill, drill, drill.

* We love this guy. He says, &quot;You’re not going to be a dictator, are ya?&quot; I said: &quot;No, no, no, other than day one. We're closing the border, and we're drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I'm not a dictator.&quot;
**5 December 2023 in Davenport, Iowa town hall, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-05 |title=Trump to Hannity on Whether He’ll Abuse Power as President: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |periodical=Rolling Stone |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-hannity-iowa-town-hall-1234917385/ }}

* They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do.&lt;br&gt;They're poisoning the '''blood of our country''', that's what they've done.&lt;br&gt;They poison mental institutions and prisons all over the world, not just in South America, not just to three or four countries that we think about, but all over the world. They're coming into our country from Africa, from Asia, all over the world.
**16 December 2023 in Durham, New Hampshire rally, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-17 |title=Trump says immigrants are 'poisoning the blood of our country.' Biden campaign likens comments to Hitler. |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-immigrants-are-poisoning-blood-country-biden-campaign-liken-rcna130141  }}

*ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS POISONING THE BLOOD OF OUR NATION
**17 December 2023 per [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-poisoning-blood-quote-fascism-b2465618.html Alex Woodward article in The Independent] on Trumps TruthSocial account after leaving New Hampshire

===2024===
====January 2024====
*Even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it.
**14 January 2024 per [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-worth-it-sick-vote-iowa-caucus-pass-away-2024-1 Business Insider] and  [https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/15/donald-trump-vote-pass-away-iowa-caucus-vpx.cnn CNN]

*“We’re going to place strong protections to stop banks and regulators from trying to debank you from your—our political beliefs what they do. They want to debank you. We’re going to debank—think of this. They want to take away your country. Electric cars... They wanna take away your rights. They wanna take away your country. The things they’re doing. All [[Electric vehicles|electric cars]]. Give me a break. If you want an electric car, great. But they don’t go far. They’re very expensive. They gotta be made in China. That’s why I think I’m gonna get the autoworkers to vote for Trump. You know, we’re having great, great talks. But think of what they wanna do. They wanna take away your rights.”
**17 January 2024 at a campaign rally in New Hampshire, reported by several sources.&lt;ref name=&quot;evdb&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |website={{w|The Daily Beast}} |date=2024-01-21 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |title=We Need an Interpreter to Work Out Trump’s ‘Debanking’ Rant |department=The New Abnormal |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-debanking-rant-in-new-hampshire-and-electric-cars-makes-no-sense}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;evmed&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/huh-trump-declares-they-wanna-de-bank-you-and-we-re-going-to-de-bank/ar-AA1n9KYV |title=Huh? Trump Declares, ‘They Wanna De-Bank You and We’re Going to De-Bank’ |first=Michael |last=Luciano |date=2024-01-18 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |website={{w|Mediaite}}}}&lt;/ref&gt;

* There is a great man, a great leader in Europe — [[Viktor Orbán|Viktor Orban]] [...] He is the Prime Minister of [[Hungary]]. He is a very great leader, a very strong man. Some people don't like him because he's too strong.
**20 January 2024 at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, as cited in [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-hails-hungarian-pm-orban-162500247.html &quot;Trump hails Hungarian PM Orban as 'great leader' and 'strong man'], ''Yahoo! News,'' reproduced from The New Voice of Ukraine (21 January 2024)

* We have become a drug infested, crime ridden nation which is incapable of solvin’ even the sollest smallest problem. The simplest of problems, we can no longer solve. We can’t do anything. We are an institute in a powerful death penalty. We will put this on.
** [https://www.indy100.com/video/donald-trump-incoherent-sentence-video &quot;Trump utter's incoherent sentence about US not solving 'sollest smallest problem'&quot;], ''Indy 100'' (January 23, 2024)

*You know, I had an uncle. He's the longest-serving professor, Doctor John Trump, in the history of MIT, with same genes—we have genes, we're smart people, we're smart people... We're like race—Mr. Lieutenant Governor—we're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones doesn't work out so well, right? But we're no different in that sense.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 January 2024]

====March 2024====
*There's a lot of good and there's a lot of bad with TikTok, but the thing I don't like is that without TikTok, you're going to make Facebook bigger, and I consider Facebook to be an enemy of the people, along with a lot of the media. I'm not looking to make Facebook double the size. I think Facebook has been very bad for our country.
**11 March 2024 per [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reversal-tiktok-ban-says-facebook-enemy-of-people/ CBS article by Jacob Rosen]

* They call it BleachBit, but it’s essentially acid that will destroy everything, you know, within ten miles.
**13 March 2024 about a computer software program, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-still-seems-to-think-hillary-clinton-used-acid-to-delete-emails &quot;Trump STILL Seems to Think Hillary Clinton Used Acid to Delete Emails&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* People who are coming from parts unknown, countries that you’ve never heard of. Languages that nobody in this country speaks. We don’t even have teachers of some of these languages.  Who would think that we have languages that are like from the planet Mars?  Nobody, nobody, knows how to, you know, speak it.  
**25 March 2024 [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-out-of-this-world-claim_n_65e6de3ee4b0170871fb9275 &quot;Donald Trump Dragged To The Moon Over New Interplanetary Dog Whistle&quot;], ''Huffington Post''

====April 2024====
*I called [Bill Bar] him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy,Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement.
**25 April 2024 per [https://web.archive.org/web/20240426044532/https://gazette.com/news/wex/bill-barr-endorses-trump-despite-past-criticism/article_1c59037c-c234-5540-be2e-8a5e59bf3ad9.html archive of The Gazette]

====May 2024====

*These people are running a Gestapo administration,And it’s the only thing they have. And it’s the only way they’re going to win in their opinion. Once I got indicted, I said well, now the gloves have to come off,If you care too much, you tend to choke. And in a way, I don’t care. It’s just you know, life is life.
**4 May 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-biden-administration-gestapo-private-donor-event-rcna150743 NBC writers] Burns/Brooks/Sonnier/Gomez/Terkel

* We will make [[America]] ''[[powerful]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[wealthy]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[strong]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America [[proud]] again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[safe]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; ''We will make America [[great]] again!''
** [https://www.instagram.com/realdonaldtrump/reel/C7Z3M8Kudxd/?hl=en Presidential campaign slogans, Bronx, NY (25 May 2024)]

* If he wins, our country is going to be destroyed.
* He’s a demented tyrant.
** Claimed about President of the United States of America Joe Biden, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

* Our cities are choking to death. Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying.
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

*I have been indicted more than the great Al Capone, on bullshit.
**11 May 2024 per [https://www.insidernj.com/trump-delusionary-in-new-jersey/ InsiderNJ] writer Max Pizarro

* Has anyone ever seen ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]''? The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner.
**11 May 2024 from a speech in Wildwood, N.J. per [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/13/trump-hannibal-lecter-immigration/ Washington Post], as cited 16 May 2024 in [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/opinion/donald-trump-hannibal-lecter.html &quot;When Donald Trump Met Hannibal Lecter&quot;], ''The New York Times''

*I know we won (Minnesota) in 2020. We've got to be careful. We've got to watch those votes.
** 17 May 2024 during an address to the Minnesota Republican Party's annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner in St. Paul per [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/18/donald-trump-minnesota-election/73747544007/ Donald Trump falsely tells supporters he won Minnesota in 2020], ''USA Today''

*'''Before I even arrive at the Oval Office''', shortly after we win the presidency, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled, and we will restore, as we had just four years ago, peace through strength. They respected our country and they respected your President. 
**18 May 2024 in Dallas, Texas in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgl06asFsXc speech to NRA aired on Fox], transcribed [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speaks-at-nra-convention 20 May 2024]
***Trump had previously used the &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; phrase in [[#May 2023]] and would again use it in Philadelphia the following month in [[#June 2024]]

*And if you vote for me, on Day One, I will commute the sentence of [[Ross Ulbricht]]
**20 May 2024 (Saturday night) at Libertarian National Convention, reported in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025 25 May 2024 article] by Peter Shaefer of Politico

*It boiled down to something that was very beautiful, the way it happened, and I got along with him very well.&lt;br&gt;He respected me, I respected him.&lt;br&gt;Very smart guy, very strong guy
**28 May 2024 about Kim Jong-Un, dictator in North Korea, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/181993/trump-brags-beautiful-relationship-cruel-dictator-kim-jong-un &quot;Watch: Trump’s Disgusting Praise for “Beautiful” Bond with Kim Jong Un&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We have a country that’s in big trouble, but this was a rigged decision right from day one, with a conflicted judge who should have never been allowed to try this case, And we’ll keep fighting we’ll fight till the end and we’ll win because our country has gone to hell. We don’t have the same country anymore. We have a divided mess. We’re a nation in decline, serious decline, millions and millions of people pouring into our country right now, from prisons and from mental institutions terrorists, and they’re taking over our country, real verdict would come in November.
**30 May 2024 from [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-reaction-guilty-verdict-new-york-criminal-trial/ Melissa Quinn of CBS] and [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jury-reaction-hush-money-trial-b2554187.html Ariana Baio of The Independent]

* Our witnesses were literally crucified by this man who looks like an angel, but he is really a devil.
**31 May 2024 [https://x.com/Acyn/status/1796560554359996767 tweet by Acyn] shows footage of Trump saying this about Judge [[Juan Merchan]], after Trump was found guilty in concealing payment of hush money to adult film performer Stormy Daniels, cited in [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-ridiculed-over-literally-crucified-trial-witness-claim_uk_665c277be4b00474bee95ad7 &quot;Social Media Mocks Trump's Claim That Trial Witnesses Were 'Literally Crucified'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (June 02, 2024)

====June 2024==== 
*Don’t forget, if it weren’t me, they’d be going after somebody else. And I know a lot of the competition, They wouldn’t be doing so well right now. They’d be saying, ‘Mommy, take me home, I want to go home.
**2 June 2024 cited in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/02/trump-biden-heat-2024-elections-00161168 Politico article] by Mia McCarthy

*Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the President's wife and the former Secretary of State into jail? Wouldn't that be a terrible thing? But they wanna do it! It's a terrible, terrible, path that they're leading us to &amp; it's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them.
**5 June 2024 per [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-suggests-political-opponents-could-face-prosecution/ NewsNationNow article] by Brett Samuels of The Hill

*[&lt;i&gt;Rachel Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the 9/11 files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the JFK files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. I did a lot of it.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the Epstein files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. Yeah, I would. I guess I would. I think that less so because, you know, you don't know — you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there, because it's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world.
**During an appearance on Fox &amp; Friends Weekend, quoted in [https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/donald-trump-panics-when-asked-if-hed-declassify-epstein-documents-netizens-wonder-what-is-he-afraid-of-101717671792541.html Donald Trump ‘panics’ when asked if he'd declassify Epstein documents, netizens wonder ‘what is he afraid of?’] ''Hindustan Times'' (June 6, 2024)[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/donald-trump-interview-on-the-will-cain-show]

*Those J6 warriors — they were warriors — but they were really, more than anything else, they’re victims of what happened... All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That’s what they were doing.
**9 June 2024  [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4713140-trump-calls-j6-defendants-warriors/ &quot;Trump calls Jan. 6 defendants ‘warriors’&quot;]

* I don't care about you. I just want your vote. 
**10 June 2024  [https://lamag.com/politics/i-dont-care-about-you-i-just-want-your-vote-trump-says-at-his-latest-rally &quot;Trump to Nevada: ’I Don't Care About You... I Just Want Your Vote’&quot;], Los Angeles Magazine

* So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question.  Nobody ever asked this question. And it must be because of MIT. My relationship to MIT. Very smart. I say, What would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there.  By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. You notice that? A lot of shark. I watch some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry. They bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were — they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what - who she was.’ These people are crazy.  ‘There’s no problem with sharks. They just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming. No really got decimated and other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So I said, ‘So there’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here. Do I get electrocuted? If the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?  ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark!
**10 June 2024 [https://newrepublic.com/post/182494/cognitive-decline-trump-rant-batteries &quot;Cognitive Decline? Trump Short-Circuits During Bonkers Rant&quot;], The New Republic
*before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after we win the presidency
**22 June 2024 rally in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, quoted in a 2 July 2024 [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/07/02/nato-second-trump-term-00164517 Politico article] by Michael Hirsh
***Trump had previously used the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#March 2023]], and also used it in a May 2024 speech to the NRA the previous month

*I'm not rambling.
**23 June 2024 [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/his-brains-are-pudding-internet-mocks-trump-for-incoherent-defense-of-rambling-rant/ar-BB1oHYc9?item=flightsprg-tipsubsc-v1a?loadin=defaultbrowser &quot;'His brains are pudding': Internet mocks Trump for 'incoherent' defense of 'rambling' rant&quot;], MSN

*But I will tell you that would have never happened [if I was president]. Ukraine would have never happened. The israeli attack would have never happened and inflation would have never happened. Those are three big things. Inflation would have never happened.&lt;br&gt;No, I wouldn't support a national ban [on abortion]. No, I would not.
**20 June 2024 [https://deepcast.fm/episode/46167/in-conversation-with-president-trump#quotes/ &quot;In conversation with President Trump&quot;, on All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks &amp; Friedberg, found on DeepCast] 

* I want you to remember what they did to me. They tortured me in the Fulton County Jail, and TOOK MY MUGSHOT. So guess what? I put it on a mug for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
**24 June 2024 [https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-georgia-fundraising/2024/06/24/id/1169939/ &quot;Trump Fundraising Email: I Was 'Tortured' in Jail&quot;], Newsmax

* If I took this shirt off, you would see a beautiful beautiful person. But you would see wounds all over. I’ve taken a lot of wounds I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever.
**24 June 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-talks-taking-off-105630724.html &quot;Donald Trump Talks About Taking Off His Shirt To Show 'Wounds.' Internet Can't Even.&quot;], Yahoo News

*Israel is the one. And you should let them go and let them go finish the job. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s become like a Palestinian, but hey, don’t like him because he’s a very bad Palestinian. He’s a weak one.
**27 June 2024 per [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744809-donald-trump-joe-biden-debate-palestine-israel/ The Hill article] by Brett Samuels

*If we had a real president, a president that knew -- that was respected by Putin ... he would have never invaded Ukraine.
**27 June 2024 debate with Joe Biden, cited [https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-he-can-end-the-russia-ukraine-war-in-one-day-russia-s-un-ambassador-says-he-can-t-1.6947744 1 July 2024] by Edith Lederer

*I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either.
**About Joe Biden. [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744753-trump-jabs-biden-really-dont-know-what-he-said/ Presidential debate], June 27, 2024

====July 2024====
* I know nothing about [[Project 2025]].
* I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal.
** Claimed on July 5, 2024, quoted in:
::* [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/11/politics/trump-allies-project-2025/index.html &quot;Trump claims not to know who is behind Project 2025. A CNN review found at least 140 people who worked for him are involved&quot;], ''CNN'' (July 11, 2024)
::* [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/russell-vought-project-2025-centre-for-climate-reporting_n_66be3e85e4b04090eac4512c &quot;Project 2025 Co-Author Says Donald Trump ‘Very Supportive Of What We Do’&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (August 15, 2024)

*It was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening...In this moment, it is more important than ever that we stand United, and show our True Character as Americans, remaining Strong and Determined, and not allowing Evil to Win
**14 July 2024 [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/it-was-god-alone-who-prevented-the-unthinkable-trump-on-assassination-attempt-6104182 per NDTV]

*By luck or by God, many people are saying it’s by God I’m still here.&lt;br&gt;The agents hit me so hard that my shoes fell off, and my shoes are tight.&lt;br&gt;I had all prepared an extremely tough speech, really good, all about the corrupt, horrible administration. But I threw it away. I want to try to unite our country.
**14 July 2024 cited by [https://nypost.com/2024/07/14/us-news/grateful-defiant-trump-recounts-surreal-assassination-attempt-at-rally-im-supposed-to-be-dead/ NY Post] writer Michael Goodwin and [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/15/trump-assassination-attempt-rnc-speech-00168251 Politico] writer Isabella Ramirez

* Kamala even wants to pass laws to outlaw RED MEAT to stop climate change. 
* You know what that means? That means no more cows.
* I guess eventually she’s gonna mean no more people. Right? No more people.
** Claimed on July 25, 2024, without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-kamala-harris-does-not-want-to-ban-red-meat-as-trump-keeps-falsely-claiming-204515645.html &quot;Fact check: ​​Kamala Harris does not want to ban red meat as Trump keeps falsely claiming&quot;], ''Yahoo News'' (August 1, 2024)

* And then the [Kamala Harris] campaign says, 'I'm the prosecutor and he is the convicted felon.'
**25 July 2024 [https://www.comicsands.com/harris-trump-ad-prosecutor-felon-2668815011.html# &quot;Kamala Harris Uses 6-Second Clip Of Trump Telling The Truth About Her Campaign In New Ad—And It's Gold&quot;], ''Comic Sands''

*They say something happened to me when I got shot. I became nice.&lt;br&gt;If you don't mind, I'm not going to be nice. Is that okay?&lt;br&gt;If border czar Harris is in charge, every week they'll bring in a neverending stream of illegal aliens, rapists, blood thirsty killers, child murderers to go after our sons and our daughters.&lt;br&gt;Everything Kamala touches turns into a total disaster.
**25 July 2024 claims about US Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] at a sports arena in Charlotte, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13664627/donald-trump-Charlotte-north-carolina-kamala-harris.html &quot;Donald Trump turns his attention to 'radical left lunatic' Kamala Harris in first rally since Biden dropped out&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

*We have a new victim now, Kamala. A brand new victim, and honestly she’s a radical left lunatic. When you find out about her, all I have to say is defund the police,Three months ago, she was thought of so badly, [the media] were just killing her. And now they’re trying to make her into a, let’s say, Margaret Thatcher. I don’t think so. It’s not going to happen. Margaret Thatcher didn’t laugh like that. Did she?
**27 July 2024 in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/27/trump-harris-minnesota-rally-shooting-00171526 Politico article] by Myah Ward

*I pledge to the bitcoin community, that the day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over. On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler.
**date unknown, [https://www.ft.com/content/03e8e1d2-4244-4eba-9248-9bbd8d1b0090 Financial Times article]

*You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians...I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. '''In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.'''
**27 July 2024 in a speech to Turning Point Action in West Palm Beach, Florida, quote from the Reuters article [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-tells-christians-they-wont-have-vote-after-this-election-2024-07-27/ &quot;Trump tells Christians they won't have to vote after this election&quot;] by Tim Reid

*I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60
**29 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, cited in [https://www.rawstory.com/donald-trump-2668835186/ &quot;She'll 'destroy the country': Trump rambles about Kamala Harris in new Fox News interview&quot;], ''RawStory''
***Kamala Harris was born 20 October 1964 so would not turn sixty until 20 October 2024, two weeks prior to the upcoming election - she was actually 59 years 9 months old when he said this 

*I’m not so sure which is better. But she either likes or loves me. And that’s nice.
**30 July 2024 about his wife Melania Trump, cited in [https://www.mercurynews.com/2024/07/30/trump-thinks-melania-either-likes-or-loves-him-following-assassination-attempt/ &quot;Trump thinks Melania ‘either likes or loves’ him following assassination attempt&quot;], ''Mercury News''

* Perverts and losers
**30 July 2024 describing members of the Lincoln Project, an organisation of moderate conservatives who oppose Trump and trumpism.  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rages-republicans-campaigning-lincoln-project-1849509 &quot;Donald Trump Rages at Republicans Campaigning Against Him&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* She doesn’t like Jewish people. You know it, I know it and everybody knows it and nobody wants to say it.
**30 July 2024 claimed about US Vice President Kamala Harris, who is married to a Jewish husband.  Quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-claims-harris-doesnt-like-jews-seems-to-agree-with-calling-her-husband-a-crappy-jew/ &quot;Trump claims Harris ‘doesn’t like Jews,’ seems to agree with calling her husband ‘a crappy Jew’&quot;], ''Times of Israel''

* If you are Jewish, regardless of Israel, if you’re Jewish, if you vote for a Democrat, you’re a fool, an absolute fool.
**30 July 2024 [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-agrees-with-radio-host-who-calls-doug-emhoff-a-crappy-jew &quot;Trump Agrees With Radio Host Who Calls Emhoff a ‘Crappy Jew’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* So I've known her a long time - indirectly, not directly very much - and she was always of Indian heritage. And she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn't know she was Black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn Black.  And now she wants to be known as Black. So I don't know, is she Indian or is she Black?
**31 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, whose mother was a biologist from India and father is an emeritus professor of economics at Stanford University, originating from Jamaica.  Quoted in [https://www.nbcchicago.com/dnc-chicago-2024/all-of-a-sudden-trump-tells-black-journalists-in-chicago-that-kamala-harris-turned-black/3507125/ &quot;‘All of a sudden': Trump tells Black journalists in Chicago Kamala Harris ‘turned Black'&quot;], ''NBC Chicago''

* I don't want pronouns.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-gets-basic-english-123624171.html &quot;Donald Trump Gets Basic English Lesson After Ridiculous Comment About His ‘Pronouns’&quot;], ''Huffington Post / Yahoo Entertainment''

* A Black job is anybody that has a job.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/31/trump-black-journalist-convention-nabj.html &quot;Trump questions if Harris is Black, downplays Vance pick at Black journalists convention&quot;], ''CNBC''

====August 2024====
* That’s a weird deal going on there. They’re the weird ones. Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.&lt;br&gt;You notice the evening news, every one of them, you know, they introduced the word ‘weird’, and all of a sudden they’re talking about ‘weird’.  No, we’re not weird people. We’re actually just the opposite. We’re right down the middle.&lt;br&gt;No, we're not weird. We're very solid people. We want to have strong borders. We want to have good elections. They’re the weird ones.
**1 August 2024 [https://time.com/7009800/donald-trump-responds-weird-label-jd-vance-tim-walz-commentary/ Time] and [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-stop-calling-jd-vance-and-me-weird &quot;Donald Trump: Stop Calling Me and J.D. Vance ‘Weird’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* 24 HOURS UNTIL WE UNLEASH HELL.  At this time tomorrow, Crooked Kamala’s worst nightmares come true.&lt;br&gt;Tomorrow I step on stage and deliver Open Border Czar Kamala Harris the WORST defeat of her failed political career.&lt;br&gt;
**2 August 2024 campaign e-mail from Trump, cited in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4808393-trump-unleash-hell-atlanta-rally-harris/ &quot;Trump vows to ‘unleash hell’ on Harris at Atlanta rally&quot;], ''The Hill''

*This one is so smart, so sharp. She grabbed me. She gave me a kiss. I said &quot;I think I'm never going back home to the first lady.&quot; See now for the average politician, that's death. For me, I don't care. 
**4 August 2024 about [[Michaelah Montgomery]] at a rally in Georgia about an incident earlier in 2024, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13707347/donald-trump-georgia-rally-activist-michaelah-montgomery.html &quot;Trump's risqué remark to young activist who went viral for hugging him at Chick-fil-A after he invited her on stage at rally - as she makes VERY personal dig at Kamala&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

* I’m for electric cars. I have to be, you know, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So I have no choice.
**5 August 2024 [https://www.benzinga.com/news/24/08/40154264/trump-says-electric-cars-are-fantastic-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musks-endorsement-i-have-to-be-you-know &quot;Trump Says Electric Cars Are 'Fantastic' After Tesla CEO Elon Musk's Endorsement: 'I Have To Be, You Know… I Have No Choice'&quot;], ''Benzinga''

* Kamabla Harris is afraid to Debate me on FoxNews
**6 August 2024 cited in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-pathetic-way-attacking-120711256.html &quot;Donald Trump’s ‘Pathetic’ New Way Of Attacking Kamala Harris Is Slammed Online&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!!
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-suggests-biden-may-try-take-back-nomination-1935550 &quot;Donald Trump Suggests Biden May Try to 'Take Back The Nomination'&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* Crazy Kamabla is, indeed, CRAZY. I HEAR THERE IS A BIG MOVEMENT TO “BRING BACK CROOKED JOE&quot;.
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-truth-social-biden-walz &quot;Trump shares outrageous Biden prediction in baffling Truth Social rant&quot;], ''Indy100''

* If you look at Caracas, it was known for being a very dangerous city and now it's very safe. In fact, the next interview we do, we'll do it in Caracas, Venezuela, because it's safer than many of our cities.
** 6 August 2024 [https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/trump-says-caracas-venezuela-is-safer-than-many-us-cities-20962070 &quot;Trump Says Caracas Is 'Safer Than Many of Our Cities'&quot;], ''Miami New Times''

*I heard she's sort of a nasty person.&lt;br&gt;She doesn't do interviews 'cause she can't answer questions.
**7 August 2024 about Vice President of the United States of America, Kamala Harris, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/184640/donald-trump-kamala-harris-attacks &quot;Trump’s Latest Desperate Kamala Attacks Fall Hilariously Flat&quot;], ''The New Republic''

* A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.&lt;br&gt;We’re gonna be living like dogs. Our whole country, our whole system, is gonna collapse.
**7 August 2024 about [[Tim Walz]], cited in [https://voz.us/en/politics/240807/15242/trump-on-the-election-of-walz-ticket-that-would-want-this-country-to-go-communist-immediately-if-not-sooner.html &quot;Trump, on the selection of Walz: 'A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner'&quot;], ''Voz'' (August 7, 2024)

*Kim Jong Un liked me a lot. He doesn't like this group [the Harris campaign]
**8 August 2024 cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trump-press-conference-mar-a-lago-updates.html &quot;Trump Agrees to Debate Harris at Rambling Press Conference: How It Happened&quot;], ''New York Magazine''

* I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. And they said he had a million people, but I had 25,000 people.&lt;br&gt;Nobody was killed on Jan. 6.&lt;br&gt;The presidency was taken away from Joe Biden, and I’m no Biden fan, but I tell you what, from a constitutional standpoint, from any standpoint you look at, they took the presidency away.&lt;br&gt;Twenty million people came over the border during the Biden-Harris administration — 20 million people — and it could be very much higher than that. Nobody really knows.
**9 August 2024 quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-news-conference-fact-check-misinformation-eb899c1fc734f5ecb42b8d0902e5c004 &quot;FACT FOCUS: A look at claims made by Trump at news conference&quot;], ''AP News''

*Christie, he’s eating right now.  He can’t be bothered.&lt;br&gt;Sir, please do not call him a fat pig, that’s very disrespect.&lt;br&gt;See, I’m trying to be nice. Don’t call him a fat pig.  You can’t do that.&lt;br&gt;I was extremely respectful of Sloppy Chris Christie today in New Hampshire.  During a speech in front of a large crowd of Patriots, somebody shouted out that &quot;Chris Christie is a fat pig.&quot;  Rather than acknowleding that, which many speakers would have done, I said &quot;No, No, he is not a fat pig.&quot; I'm sure Chris would have been very happy with my defense of him!
**10 August 2024 [[Chris Christie]], cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/08/trump-is-pretending-he-didnt-call-chris-christie-fat-pig.html &quot;Trump Is Pretending He Didn’t Call Christie a ‘Fat Pig’&quot;], ''Intelligencer'' (August 10, 2024)

*Has anyone noticed that Kamala CHEATED at the airport?  There was nobody at the plane, and she ‘A.I.’d’ it, and showed a massive ‘crowd’ of so-called followers, BUT THEY DIDN’T EXIST!
**10 August 2024 cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/08/trump-claims-ai-images-kamala-harris-rallies/679445/ &quot;Trump’s Latest Falsehood Is a Huge Tell&quot;], ''The Atlantic''

*She’s a CHEATER. She had NOBODY waiting, and the ‘crowd’ looked like 10,000 people! Same thing is happening with her fake ‘crowds’ at her speeches. This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING ‒ And they’re even worse at the Ballot Box. She should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!&lt;br&gt;EVERYTHING ABOUT KAMALA IS FAKE!
**12 August 2024, cited in  [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/12/trump-harris-rally-crowd-ai-conspiracy-theory/74763568007/ &quot;Trump blames Harris' crowds on AI, so let's all assume everything we don't like is fake!&quot;], ''USA Today''

*The worst president in history. And one of the reasons he was so bad, first of all, the Israeli attack would have never happened. Russia would never have attacked Ukraine and we'd have no inflation.  And we wouldn't have had the Afghanistan mess if you think of it.&lt;br&gt;Now she's looking like she wants to be more Trump than Trump if that's possible.She wants to have open borders. And now she's going like she's tough on the border. It's such a lie.
**12 August 2024 in [https://turboscribe.ai/transcript/share/4422534834081521519/HWE18owsC2u8E5u2HpZNikyBdermlV2YSwGlTEPKJJw/donald-trump-and-elon-musk-full-transcript-august-12-2024-https-x-com-i-spaces-1nakepnklwoxl TurboScribe article]

*The ocean is going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years.  
**13 August 2024 about sea level rise, which is currently at 4 mm (5/32&quot;) per year with an accelerating trend.  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*The biggest threat is nuclear warming.
**13 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*&quot;I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, 'Don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir, you do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it.' And I told him things that what I do. And he said, 'No way.' And I said, 'way.' And, you know, it's the last time we ever had the conversation.
**13 August 2024 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-zelenskyy-eu-freewheeling-musk-interview/ Politco article]

*You’re the greatest cutter,...I need an Elon Musk — I need somebody that has a lot of strength and courage and smarts. I want to close up the Department of Education, move education back to the states.
**13 August 2024 in [https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-elon-musk-x-twitter-livestream-83d6d07fc0ffef4151c96fc56aeec9ee AP News article]

*Iran is no friend of mine, a lot of bad signals get sent.The reason is because I was strong on Iran and I was protecting people in the Middle East that maybe they aren’t so happy about that.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/trump-iran-hack-campaign-00174002 political article]

*Kamala has declared that tackling inflation will be a Day One priority, but Day One for Kamala was 3½ years ago. Why hasn’t she done it? .‌‌.‌‌She's a critic. That's all she is.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trumps-economy-speech-veers-personal-attacks-harris-biden-rcna166652 NBC News article]

* Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&lt;br&gt;I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU! Chris, can we take a picture during our all-expenses-paid trip together?  I already have the PERFECT spot picked out in Mar-a-Lago to show it off!
* MEET TRUMP! ENTER TO WIN
**14 August 2024 mass E-mail sent out to a large number of people.  [https://politicalemails.org/messages/1521460 &quot;Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&quot;], PoliticalEmails.com (August 14, 2024) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBudZMFvcvY&amp;t=115s &quot;Trump Goes TOTALLY NUTS as his ENTIRE LIFE COLLAPSES&quot;], ''MeidasTouch'' (August 14, 2024)

*Miriam, I watched (Sheldon Adelson, her late husband) sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian, it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version. It’s actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor – that’s soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets, or they’re dead. She gets it and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman, and they’re rated equal.
**15 August 2024 [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-medal-of-honor/index.html Trump says civilian award is ‘much better’ than Medal of Honor]

* We’re talking about a thing called the economy.&lt;br&gt;We’re doing this as an intellectual speech.&lt;br&gt;We literally are a third world nation, we literally are a third-world nation. We’re a banana republic in so many ways, and we’re not going to let that happen because we’re starting a free fall.&lt;br&gt;For nearly four years Kamala has crackled as the American economy has burned.&lt;br&gt;What happened to her laugh? I haven’t heard that laugh in about a week. That’s why they keep her off the stage, that’s why she has disappeared.&lt;br&gt;That’s the laugh of a crazy person, I will tell you.  She’s crazy.&lt;br&gt;Incompetent socialist lunatic.&lt;br&gt;Kamabla.&lt;br&gt;Rape and murder, rape and beatings, rape and something else, and sometimes just immediate killing. These people are brutal. These are people that came out of the toughest jails anywhere in the world from all over the world, and we can’t take them.
**16 August 2024 per [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/14/trump-rally-north-carolina-rambling-economy-harris-crime/74798514007/ &quot;Trump's North Carolina speech went predictably off the rails. Can he even spell 'economy'?&quot;], ''USA today''

* I think I’m entitled to personal attacks.&lt;br&gt;Now you’ll say he ranted and raved […] I’m a very calm person, believe it or not.
**16 August 2024 from [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-fury-harris-switch-campaign-analysis/index.html &quot;Trump’s fury over Harris’ switch with Biden is increasingly driving his campaign&quot;], ''CNN'' 

* She actually called me ‘weird.  And she called JD and I ‘weird.’ He’s not weird, he was a great student at Yale.&lt;br&gt;We have this guy that’s running a failed, really a very failed state who’s had a terrible career.  I mean you have him saying, ‘They’re weird.’ No, he’s a weird guy, and she’s weird in her policy.
**16 August 2024 claim about Vice President of the USA Kamala Harris and Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz, quoted in [https://sg.news.yahoo.com/trump-denies-jd-vance-weird-040509909.html &quot;Trump Denies He And JD Vance Are Weird In The Weirdest Way Possible&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

*I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the '''Presidential Medal of Freedom'''.&lt;br&gt;That's the highest award you can get as a civilian.&lt;br&gt;'''It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian''' version.&lt;br&gt;It's actually much better because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers.&lt;br&gt;They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets or they are dead.&lt;br&gt;She gets it and she's a healthy, beautiful woman.&lt;br&gt;And they're '''rated equal''', but she got the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-medal-of-freedom-medal-of-honor/ &quot;Trump says Medal of Freedom &quot;equivalent&quot; to and &quot;much better&quot; than Medal of Honor, sparking backlash from veterans&quot;] ''CBS News'' (August 16, 2024) 

*Kamala will implement SOVIET Style Price Controls.  EVERY American will be taxed up to 80% of their income!&lt;br&gt;If Kamala is elected and implements her Communist Price Caps, there will be famine, starvation, and poverty, the likes of which we have never seen. America will NEVER recover!&lt;br&gt;Kamala Harris wants to raise your taxes and make you pay for free healthcare and free housing in luxury hotels for her millions of illegal aliens.
**16 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/kamala-harris-vs-trump-2668979250/ &quot;Donald Trump rants that 'famine' will come to America if Kamala Harris is elected&quot;], ''RawStory'' 

*Starting the day I take the oath of office, I will rapidly drive prices down, and we will make America affordable again.
**17 August 2024 At a rally in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-continues-personal-attacks-harris/story?id=112921505 Trump claims he's 'better looking,' continues personal attacks toward Harris] ''ABC News''

*I am much better looking than her.  I’m a better looking person than Kamala.&lt;br&gt;I say that I’m much better looking than her.  I had never heard that one. They said her biggest advantage was that she’s a beautiful-looking woman. Ha. I’d never thought of that.&lt;br&gt;I said, who am I running against, Harris? I said, ‘Who the hell is Harris?'&lt;br&gt;Joe Biden hates her.&lt;br&gt;They will say he’s rambling. I don’t ramble. I’m a really smart guy,
**18 August 2024 per  [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-im-better-looking-than-kamala-and-dont-say-i-ramble &quot;Trump: ‘I’m Better Looking than Kamala—and Don’t Say I Ramble’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

*You know, he said we’re weird.  That J.D. and I are weird. I think we’re extremely normal people.  We’re like you, we’re exactly like you.&lt;br&gt;He [Tim Walz] is weird.  Did you ever see him go on the stage and go, like, crazy? Between his movement and her laugh, there’s a lot of crazy. I’d say a step further than weird, weird is a nice word by comparison.
**19 August 2024 to a small crowd in York, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-insists-extremely-normal-during-204337061.html &quot;Trump Insists He’s “Extremely Normal” During Incredibly Weird Speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The New Republic''

*Prices will come down. You just watch: They’ll come down, and they’ll come down fast, not only with insurance, with everything…. Prices will come down and come down dramatically and come down fast.
**20 August 2024 from a recent speech in Asheville, North Carolina, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/20/business/trump-inflation-prices-deflation/index.html Trump promises to make prices plunge again. That’s a dangerous proposal] ''CNN''

*You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped, you get whatever it may be.
**21 August 2024 at a rally in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trumps-latest-claim-crime-real-224038664.html &quot;Trump's Latest Claim About Crime Is A Real Doozy&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* That was a coup, it was a vicious violent overthrow of a president of the United States.
**20 August 2024 about [[Joe Biden]] pulling out of the 2024 presidential election, quoted in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*We have a fool as a president.
**20 August 2024 cited in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*I think that women living in the suburbs—I keep hearing about ‘the suburban woman doesn’t like Trump,’ well, I think it’s a fake poll because why wouldn’t they like me? I keep the suburbs safe.
**202 August 2024 during a rally in a garage in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/185085/donald-trump-derails-speech-crime-complain-women &quot;Trump Derails Weird Speech on Crime to Complain Women Hate Him&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We're going to bring up electronics too. Electronics. We buy everything away. When you see the sophistication of the product I just saw at this place, electronics is peanuts.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.dailykos.com/story/2024/8/19/2264243/-Thanks-Joe-We-won-t-forget-who-was-POTUS-in-2020 &quot;Thanks, Joe. We won't forget who was POTUS in 2020&quot;], ''Daily Kos''

*Our primary focus is not to get out the vote, it is to make sure they don’t cheat. We have all the votes we’ll need. You can see it ... every house along the way has signs: Trump, Trump, Trump, Vance, Trump, Vance.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-focus-ensuring-democrats-dont-cheat-not-voter-turnout-rcna167630 &quot;Trump says his focus is ensuring Democrats 'don't cheat,' not voter turnout — echoing efforts to undermine election&quot;], ''NBC News''

*There will be no future under Comrade Kamala Harris, because she will take us into a Nuclear World War III , She will never be respected by the Tyrants of the World!
**23 August 2024 in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/23/trump-reaction-harris-dnc-speech &quot;Harris’s convention speech sparks live rant from outraged Trump&quot;], ''The Guardian''

*My Administration will be great for women and their reproductive rights.
**23 August 2024 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113012083325505976 Truth Social]

*Kamala Harris is the weakest presidential candidate in history on crime.&lt;br&gt;She’s allowed millions of people to pour through our borders, many from prisons, mental institutions and, indeed, terrorists, coming in at levels never seen before.&lt;br&gt;What gives her the right to run for president?&lt;br&gt;She got no votes to Biden’s fourteen million.&lt;br&gt;She failed in her previous attempt, was the first one out of twenty-two people to quit, never made it to Iowa, and now she’s a presidential candidate?&lt;br&gt;This is a '''threat to democracy'''!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2669023213/ &quot;'What gives her the right to run?' Trump launches overnight tirade at Kamala Harris&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 24, 2024)

*The truth is, they’re trying to get out of it because she doesn’t want to debate. She’s not a good debater, she’s not a smart person. She doesn’t want to debate.
**26 August 2024 in response to the Harris campaign‘s demand that their September 10th debate occur without muted microphones; in [https://nypost.com/2024/08/26/us-news/harris-campaign-urges-trump-to-take-abc-news-debate-without-muted-microphone/ &quot;Trump says Harris ‘trying to get out of’ debate over unmuted microphones demand&quot;] 

*15 stunning all-new digital trading cards, it's really something.  These cards show me dancing, even holding some BitCoins!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-digital-trading-cards-2669080783/ &quot;Trump revives widely mocked digital trading cards as Harris gains in polls&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 27, 2024)

*The Harris/Biden administration has been caught fraudulently manipulating job statistics to hide the true extent of the economic ruin that they’ve inflicted on America, Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the administration padded the numbers with an extra, listen to this one, 818,000 jobs that don’t exist.
**[https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2024/job-data-manipulated-fact-check/ &quot;Donald Trump falsely claimed that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris manipulated job data&quot;], ''Poynter'' (August 27, 2024)

* I think to a certain extent it’s Biden’s fault and Harris’s fault. And I’m the opponent. Look, they were weaponizing government against me, they brought in the whole DOJ to try and get me, they weren’t too interested in my health and safety,They’re saying I’m a threat to democracy,They would say that, that was standard line, just keep saying it, and you know that can get assassins or potential assassins going. That’s a terrible thing … Maybe that bullet is because of their rhetoric.
** With &quot;dr Phil&quot; [https://archive.ph/mamCT &quot;Trump, without evidence, in part faults Biden, Harris for assassination attempt&quot;], ''Washington Post'' (August 28, 2024)

*Well, I think the six-week (ban) is too short. It has to be more time. So…and I’ve told them that, I want more weeks. I am going to be voting that we need more than six weeks…. I believe in exceptions for life of the mother, —if you look— incest, rape.
** 29 August 2024 when asked how he was going to vote on the Florida amendment to overturn the six-week ban on abortion; in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-wants-make-ivf-treatments-paid-government-insurance-compani-rcna168804 &quot;Trump says he wants to make IVF treatments paid for by government or insurance companies if elected&quot;]

*I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for — or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for — all costs associated with IVF treatment. Because we want more babies, to put it nicely.
**30 August 2024 in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/we-want-more-babies-trump-promises-free-ivf-treatments-amid-abortion-rights-debate-says-us-government-will-pay-but-how/articleshow/112909996.cms 'We want more babies': Trump promises free IVF treatments amid abortion rights debate, says 'US government will pay' - But how?]

*I’ll be voting ’no’ for that reason&lt;br&gt;“’No’ on (Florida) Amendment 4?”&lt;br&gt;For that reason because it‘s radical. You talk about radical. Doing an abortion in the ninth month is unacceptable to anybody…. There‘s something in between, but the six (weeks) is too short, it‘s just too short a period and the nine months is unacceptable…. But for that reason, for the radicalization on the Democrats side, we‘re voting ’no’.&lt;br&gt;“…Would you veto a federal abortion ban?”&lt;br&gt;I‘m not going to have to think about it because it‘s working out so well right now. The states are doing it. It‘s a states issue…. Well, what‘s happening is you‘re never going to have to do it because it‘s being done by the states. The states are voting. And the people are now getting a chance to vote and this is the way everybody wanted it.
**30 August 2024 when asked about how he would vote on the Florida abortion amendment in the upcoming election in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pro-lifers-blast-trump-betrayal-shifting-abortion-stance-answer-florida-amendment-4 Pro-lifers blast Trump 'betrayal' with shifting abortion stance, answer on Florida Amendment 4]

*It’s crazy. Our country is being '''poisoned''', and your schools and your children are suffering greatly because they’re going into the classrooms, they’re taking the seats and they don’t even speak English.
**30 Aug 2024 quoted in [https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/aug/30/our-country-is-being-poisoned-trump-says-as-he-cou/ Washington Times article by Ali Swenson and Will Weissert]

* If you look at Kamala and you look at what she’s done to every place she’s touched has turned to s**t. Every single place she’s touched. I have to say, it. Every place she’s touched, you know?
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/melania-plea-trump-control-swearing-202341688.html &quot;Melania’s plea for Trump to control his swearing flops as he tears into Harris at rally&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (August 31, 2024)

* I don’t need publicity. I get a lot of publicity. I would like to get a lot less publicity.&lt;br&gt;I would hire a public relations agent to get less publicity.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/30/trump-pennsylvania-rally-arlington-cemetery-photo-op?utm_source=sdrn%3Avg%3Aarticle%3AJbnA66 &quot;Trump denies exploiting visit to US soldiers’ graves: ‘I don’t need publicity’&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (August 31, 2024)

*Now, they have Kamala who has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person. The way she treated [[Mike Pence]] was horrible. The way she treats people is horrible.
**31 August 2024 [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-saying-kamala-harris-was-horrible-mike-pence-mocked-1947392 Donald Trump Saying Kamala Harris Was 'Horrible' to Mike Pence Mocked]

====September 2024====
*you take a look at Venezuela as an example, the crime is down 72% because they've taken their criminals from Caracas, they've taken their drug dealers. They're emptying their prisons into our country
**[https://www.wtae.com/article/kamala-harris-donald-trump-pennsylvania-fact-check/62048503]
** [https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/crime-drop-in-venezuela-does-not-prove-trumps-claim-the-country-is-sending-criminals-to-u-s/ &quot;Crime Drop in Venezuela Does Not Prove Trump’s Claim the Country Is Sending Criminals to U.S.&quot;], ''FactCheck.org'' (June 14, 2024)

* I think you believe [in God] more, because when you speak to experts, like my sons who are shooting experts. But when you speak to experts, they said there was no chance that he could have missed from that distance....&lt;br&gt;I think you think like, if you believe in God, you believe in God more. And somebody said like, why? And I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country. Our country is so sick and it’s so broken. Our country is just broken. And maybe that was the reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, a lot of people have said that.
** Speaking about assassination attempt on July 14, 2024, in interview on Fox News “Life, Liberty &amp; Levin”, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4858345-trump-id-like-to-think-that-god-thinks-that-im-going-to-straighten-out-our-country/ &quot;Trump: ‘I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country’&quot;], ''The Hill'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RbQ2Gb2AG4 YouTube interview] (September 1, 2024)

*You just cannot let them have a nuclear weapon. But I will say this: If they do have a nuclear weapon, Israel is gone.
** [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202409014919 &quot;Trump says if Iran gets a nuke, 'Israel will be gone'&quot;], ''Iran International'' (September 1, 2024)

* Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it?
** [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-had-every-right-interfere-2020-election-2024-09-02/ &quot;Trump says he had 'every right' to interfere in 2020 election&quot;], ''CNN'' (September 2, 2024)

* You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is? I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together and it’s like, and friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.’ But the fake news, you know what they say? ‘He rambled.’
** [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/critics-call-hilarious-bs-donald-094722633.html &quot;Critics Call Hilarious BS On Donald Trump's New Brag About His Speeches&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (September 2, 2024)

* [About Project 2025:] I know nothing about it, and they know that, too. Democrats know that, and I purposely haven't read it because I want to say to you I don't, I have no idea what it's all about.&lt;br&gt;It's easier than saying I read it and you know, all of the things. No, I purposely haven't read it, and I've heard about it.&lt;br&gt;I've heard about things that are in there that I don't like, and there's some things in there that everybody would like, but there are things that I don't like at all.
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-project-2025-2669122309/ &quot;Trump says ‘purposefully’ hasn’t read Project 2025 — but everybody would like parts of it&quot;], ''RawStory'' (September 3, 2024)

*But I’ve done well with debates. I became president, and then the second time I got millions more votes than I got the first time. I was told if I got 63 million … you would win. You can’t not win. And I got millions of more votes than that and lost by a whisker but— and look at what happened with the world.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lex-fridman-podcast-interview-b2606533.html Trump admits he lost 2020 election ‘by a whisker’ during Lex Fridman podcast], ''Independent'' (September 3, 2024) &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCbfTN-caFI Donald Trump Interview - Lex Fridman Podcast #442]&quot; (at 10m51s), Lex Fridman, 3 September 2024.

* I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY.  REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED!
** Claimed about a court order to stop repeatedly intimidating witnesses and attacking family members of a judge in a felony court case, quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/i-am-proud-to-represent-our-failing-nation-trump-melts-down-in-early-morning-court-rant/ar-AA1pZ1jo &quot;'I am proud to represent our failing nation': Trump melts down in early morning court rant&quot;], ''MSN / Raw Story'' (September 4, 2024)

*I’ve been preparing all my life for this debate.
**Referring to his upcoming September 10th debate with Kamala Harris, in [https://www.wbtw.com/news/washington-dc-news/harris-and-trump-court-voters-ahead-of-first-debate/ Harris and Trump court voters ahead of first debate], ''News13 WBTW'' (September 4, 2024)

* [Asked about what specific legislation Trump would advance to make child care affordable:] Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, and I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio, and my daughter Ivanka was so impactful on that issue. It’s a very important issue. But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about, that, because, look, child care is child care is. It’s, couldn’t, you know, there’s something, you have to have it. In this country you have to have it.  But when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers that I’m talking about by taxing foreign nations at levels that they’re not used to — but they’ll get used to it very quickly – and it’s not gonna stop them from doing business with us, but they’ll have a very substantial tax when they send product into our country. Those numbers are so much bigger than any numbers that we’re talking about, including child care, that it’s going to take care.  We’re gonna have — I, I look forward to having no deficits within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions that I told you about on waste and fraud and all of the other things that are going on in our country, because I have to stay with child care. I want to stay with child care, but those numbers are small relative to the kind of economic numbers that I’m talking about, including growth, but growth also headed up by what the plan is that I just, that I just told you about.  We’re gonna be taking in trillions of dollars, and as much as child care is talked about as being expensive, it’s relatively speaking not very expensive compared to the kind of numbers we’ll be taking in. We’re going to make this into an incredible country that can afford to take care of its people, and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people. But we’re going to take care of our country first. This is about America first. It’s about Make America Great Again. We have to do it because right now we’re a failing nation, so we’ll take care of it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-childcare-economy-speech-b2607970.html &quot;Trump tried to explain how he plans to make childcare more affordable. It was a word salad&quot;], ''Independent'' (September 6, 2024)&lt;!--Quoted by several other sources, such as ''All In with Chris Hayes'', https://www.rawstory.com/trump-decline/, see video here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?538141-1/fmr-pres-trump-remarks-economic-club-york--&gt;

* But the transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what's going to happen with your child. And you know, many of these childs [sic] 15 years later say, 'What the hell happened? Who did this to me?' They say, 'Who did this to me?' It's incredible.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-schools-transgender-surgeries/ &quot;Trump's Claim That Children Received Gender-Affirming Surgeries at School Is False&quot;], ''Snopes'' (September 5, 2024)

* As the first order of business, this commission will develop an action plan to totally eliminate fraud and improper payments within six months, saving trillions of dollars
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/technology/elon-musk-donald-trump-influence.html How Elon Musk Is Influencing Donald Trump], ''New York Times'' (September 6, 2024)

* [On the likelihood of him sexually abusing a woman in 1979:] She said I was making out with her and then I grabbed her in a certain part. Think of the impracticality of this. I'm famous in a plane, people are coming into the plane and I grab a woman - what are the chances of that happening? Frankly, I know you're going to say it's a terrible thing to say but it couldn't have happened, it didn't happen because she would not have been the chosen one.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/147957/donald-trump-e-jean-carroll-court-appeal Trump declares E. Jean Carroll 'not the chosen one' in bizarre rant following court appeal], ''Daily Express US'' [https://youtube.com/watch?v=mFdzWJXPYbo Trump mocks his sexual assault accuser: ‘She would not have been the chosen one’], MSNBC YouTube (September 6, 2024)

*I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III!
**[https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-loses-it-on-the-cheneys-after-they-endorse-harris-irrelevant-rino-along-with-his-daughter/ Trump Loses It on the Cheneys After They Endorse Harris: ‘Irrelevant RINO, Along with His Daughter!’] ''Mediaite'' [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113093196894480530] (September 6, 2024)

* I better win, I better win, or you're going to have problems like we've never had.  We may have no country left. It may be our last election.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-claims-israel-gone-two-years-harris-elected-president-video &quot;Trump claims Israel will be 'gone' within two years if Harris is elected president: video&quot;], ''Fox News'' (September 7, 2024)

*WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again.&lt;br&gt;Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, &amp; Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-threatens-long-prison-sentences-for-those-who-cheat-in-the-election-if-he-wins Trump threatens long prison sentences for those who ‘cheat’ in the election if he wins], ''PBS News'' (September 8, 2024)

*The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime, and I will sign their pardons on day one. With your vote this election, their lying, cheating, thieving, hoaxing, and plotting will come to an end. We got to stop the cheating. If we stop that cheating, if we don't let them cheat, I don't even have to campaign anymore. We're going to win by so much.
**At a rally in Wisconsin on Saturday, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cnc/date/2024-09-09/segment/07 CNN News Central Transcripts] (September 9, 2024)

* Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation.  Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country?
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-falsely-claims-children-being-195728811.html &quot;Trump falsely claims children being forced into gender transition ops at school in rambling fantasy-filled rally speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (September 9, 2024)

* I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/15/trump-says-i-hate-taylor-swift-after-pop-star-endorses-kamala-harris.html &quot;Trump says ‘I hate Taylor Swift’ after pop star endorses Kamala Harris&quot;], ''CNBC'' (September  15, 2024)

* Latin music superstar Nicky Jam. Do you know Nicky? She’s hot. 
** Claimed about the singer after he endorsed Trump, quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/09/15/donald-trump-nicky-jam-las-vegas-rally/75237185007/ &quot;Donald Trump misgenders reggaeton star Nicky Jam at rally: 'She's hot'&quot;], ''USA Today'' (September 16, 2024)

*We have to call it Covid. What the hell does Covid mean. The China virus. A lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/148953/trump Trump pushes theory that 'China created Covid-19 because they didn't like his presidency'] (September 17, 2024)

*I don't know what happened. With the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants, and that's a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town, and now they're going through hell.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-life-in-springfield-has-been-disrupted-by-lies-about-its-haitian-community How life in Springfield has been disrupted by lies about its Haitian community], ''PBS News'' (17 September, 2024)

* We have Bagram in Alaska.
** [https://alaskabeacon.com/briefs/at-town-hall-trump-mixes-up-alaska-and-afghanistan-with-confusing-remarks-on-oil/ &quot;At town hall, Trump mixes up Alaska and Afghanistan with confusing remarks on oil&quot;] ''Alaska Beacon'' (September 18, 2024)

* Nobody can draw crowds like me... I’m the greatest of all time.  Maybe greater even than Elvis. Elvis had a guitar, I don’t have a guitar. I don’t have the privilege of a guitar.
** [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/donald-trump-boasts-he-is-greater-than-elvis/ar-AA1qPeXs &quot;Donald Trump boasts he is ‘greater than Elvis’&quot;], ''MSN'' (September 19, 2024)

*She doesn’t like doing interviews. And she’s not knowledgeable about economy and various things, and I think it would be a problem. But you know what? [Biden] was pretty much gone. They said, 'Joe, it’s over. You're getting out.' And they put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than he did. But I can't imagine it can last.
**During an appearance on Fox News’ ''Gutfeld!'', [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-seemed-surprised-kamala-200648284.html Donald Trump Just Made An Eyebrow-Raising Observation About Kamala Harris], ''Yahoo News'' (September 19, 2024)

* This is Martin Luther King on steroids.  I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you're better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.'
** Said about candidate for North Carolina governor [[Mark Robinson (American politician)|Mark Robinson]], quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/robinson-expected-attend-trumps-north-carolina-rally-amid/story?id=113873656 &quot;Robinson not expected to attend Trump's North Carolina rally amid scandal: Sources&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 21, 2024)

* Anybody that thinks crime is going down is a serious brain problem.
** [https://www.scrippsnews.com/us-news/crime/murder-other-violent-crime-rates-dropped-across-us-last-year-new-fbi-data-shows &quot;Murder, other violent crime rates dropped across US last year, new FBI data shows&quot;], ''Scripps News'' (September 23, 2024)

* She had the other interview with the other guy who was a nice guy I think from Philadelphia from Pennsylvania, he was a nice guy, he was asking her all these (scrambles words) – the daily take – they don’t take like I do! Anybody wants to go, go what the hell differences they make – they have – and how dishonest was ABC.
* I'm cognitively very strong.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-teased-over-rambling-word-120404261.html &quot;Trump teased over rambling ‘word salad’ at rally as he insists he is 'cognitively very strong'&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The Independent'' (September 24, 2024)

* If any senior doesn't vote for Trump, we're gonna have to send you to a psychiatrist to have your head examined.
** [https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-tells-another-group-of-voters-to-have-your-head-examined/ &quot;Trump Tells ANOTHER Group of Voters to 'Have Your Head Examined'&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (September 25, 2024)

* Has there EVER been a WORSE HOST than Jimmy Kimmel at The Oscars. His opening was that of a less than average person trying too hard to be something which he is not, and never can be.
* I said, ‘He’s one of the dumbest human beings ever.’ He should have listened to his wife. What a dope.
** [https://www.thewrap.com/jimmy-kimmel-live-trump-dumbest-human-being-response/ &quot;Jimmy Kimmel Claps Back at Trump Calling Him ‘One of the Dumbest Human Beings Ever’: ‘He’s Confusing Me With One of His Sons’&quot;] ''The Wrap'' (September 25, 2024)

*If I were the president, I would inform the threatening country, in this case, Iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. We're going to blow it to smithereens. There would be no more threats.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-lashes-iran-security-officials-warn-rise-foreign/story?id=114086967 &quot;Trump suggests Iran tied to assassination attempts, issues blunt warning&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 26, 2024)

*It has been determined that Google has illegally used a system of only revealing and displaying bad stories about Donald J Trump, some made up for this purpose while, at the same time, only revealing good stories about Comrade Kamala Harris. This is an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and hopefully the Justice Department will criminally prosecute them for this blatant Interference of Elections. If not, and subject to the Laws of our Country, I will request their prosecution, when I win the Election and become President of the United States.
**From a post on ''Truth Social'', cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/sep/27/trump-google-threat-criminal-charges Trump vows to seek criminal charges against Google if re-elected president], ''The Guardian'' (September 28, 2024)
*Crooked Joe Biden became mentally impaired, Sad. But lying Kamala Harris, honestly, I believe she was born that way. There’s something wrong with Kamala. And I just don’t know what it is but there is definitely something missing. And you know what, everybody knows it.
**[https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-there-s-something-wrong-with-harris-and-that-she-s-mentally-impaired-1.7056321 &quot;Trump says there's 'something wrong' with Harris and that she's 'mentally impaired'] ''CTV News / Associated Press'' (September 29, 2024)

====1st Debate with Kamala Harris (September 10, 2024)====

*&lt;i&gt;in response to Kamala Harris bringing up Project 2025:&lt;/I&gt;&lt;Br&gt;…she knows better than anyone, I have nothing to do with Project 2025. That's out there. I haven't read it. I don't want to read it, purposely. I'm not going to read it. This was a group of people that got together, they came up with some ideas. I guess some good, some bad. But it makes no difference. I have nothing to do -- everybody knows I'm an open book. Everybody knows what I'm going to do. Cut taxes very substantially. And create a great economy like I did before.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;regarding inflation during the Biden presidency:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;I had no inflation,&lt;/b&gt; virtually no inflation, they had the highest inflation, perhaps in the history of our country because I've never seen a worse period of time. &lt;b&gt;People can't go out and buy cereal bacon or eggs or anything else.&lt;/b&gt; These the people of our country are absolutely dying with what they've done. They've destroyed the economy and all you have to do it look at a poll. The polls say 80 and 85 and even 90% that the Trump economy was great that their economy was terrible.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*We hardly make chips anymore because of philosophies like they have and policies like they have. I don't say her because she has no policy. Everything that she believed three years ago and four years ago is out the window. She's going to my philosophy now. In fact, I was going to send her a MAGA hat. She's gone to my philosophy. But if she ever got elected, she'd change it. And it will be the end of our country. &lt;b&gt;She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But when you look at what she's done to our country and when you look at these &lt;b&gt;millions and millions of people that are pouring into our country monthly&lt;/b&gt; where it's I believe 21 million people, not the 15 that people say, and I think it's a lot higher than the 21. That's bigger than New York state. Pouring in. And just look at what they're doing to our country. They're criminals. Many of these people coming in are criminals. And that's bad for our economy too.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …Vice President Harris says that women shouldn't trust you on the issue of abortion because you've changed your position so many times. Therefore, why should they trust you?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, the reason I'm doing that vote [voting “no” on the Florida abortion ban] is because the plan is, as you know, the vote is, they have abortion in the ninth month. They even have, and you can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia, not the current governor, who's doing an excellent job, but the governor before. He said the baby will be born and we will decide what to do with the baby. In other words, we'll execute the baby.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But her vice presidential pick [Tim Walz] says abortion in the ninth month is absolutely fine. &lt;b&gt;He also says execution after birth, it's execution, no longer abortion, because the baby is born, is okay.&lt;/b&gt; And that's not okay with me. Hence the vote. But what I did is something for 52 years they've been trying to get Roe v. Wade into the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And now states are voting on it. And for the first time you're going to see -- look, this is an issue that's torn our country apart for 52 years. Every legal scholar, every Democrat, every Republican, liberal, conservative, they all wanted this issue to be brought back to the states where the people could vote. And that's what happened, happened.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …But understand, if Donald Trump were to be re-elected, he will sign a national abortion ban….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I’m not signing a ban. And there's no reason to sign a ban. Because we've gotten what everybody wanted. Democrats, Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states. And the states are voting. And it may take a little time, but for 52 years this issue has torn our country apart. And they've wanted it back in the states. And I did something that nobody thought was possible. The states are now voting. What she says is an absolute lie. And as far as the abortion ban, no, I'm not in favor of abortion ban. But it doesn't matter because this issue has now been taken over by the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …You will see during the course of his rallies he talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. &lt;b&gt;People don't go to her rallies.&lt;/b&gt; There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, &lt;b&gt;she's busing them in and paying them to be there.&lt;/b&gt; And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. &lt;b&gt;We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics.&lt;/b&gt; That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. &lt;b&gt;We're a failing nation.  And it happened three and a half years ago.&lt;/b&gt; And what, what's going on here, &lt;b&gt;you're going to end up in World War 3,&lt;/b&gt; just to go into another subject. What they have done to our country by allowing these millions and millions of people to come into our country. And look at what's happening to the towns all over the United States. And a lot of towns don't want to talk -- not going to be Aurora or Springfield. A lot of towns don't want to talk about it because they're so embarrassed by it. &lt;b&gt;In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.&lt;/b&gt; And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame….&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;DAVID MUIR: I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio. And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Well, I've seen people on television&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Let me just say here this ...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.&lt;/b&gt; So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;*&lt;b&gt;We'll find out.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But just to finish, I got more votes than any Republican in history by far. In fact, I got more votes than any president, sitting president in history by far.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You also said you would use local police. How would you deport 11 million undocumented immigrants? I know you believe that number is much higher….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; Yeah. It is much higher because of them. They allowed criminals. Many, many, millions of criminals. They allowed terrorists. They allowed common street criminals. They allowed people to come in, drug dealers, to come into our country, and they're now in the United States. And told by their countries like Venezuela don't ever come back or we're going to kill you. Do you know that crime in Venezuela and crime in countries all over the world is way down? You know why? Because they've taken their criminals off the street and they've given them to her to put into our country. And this will be one of the greatest mistakes in history for them to allow -- and I think they probably did it because they think they're going to get votes. But it's not worth it. Because they're destroying the fabric of our country by what they've done. There's never been anything done like this at all. They've destroyed the fabric of our country. Millions of people let in. And all over the world crime is down. All over the world except here. Crime here is up and through the roof. Despite their fraudulent statements that they made. Crime in this country is through the roof. And we have a new form of crime. It's called migrant crime. And it's happening at levels that nobody thought possible.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: President Trump, as you know, the FBI says overall violent crime is actually coming down in this country, but Vice President the...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me, the FBI -- they were defrauding statements. They didn't include the worst cities. They didn't include the cities with the worst crime. It was a fraud. Just like their number of 818,000 jobs that they said they created turned out to be a fraud.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris listing the criminal cases against Trump:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me. Every one of those cases was started by them against their political opponent. And I'm winning most of them and I'll win the rest on appeal. And you saw that with the decision that came down just recently from the Supreme Court. I'm winning most of them. But those are cases, it's called weaponization. Never happened in this country. They weaponized the justice department. Every one of those cases was involved with the DOJ, from Atlanta and Fani Willis -- to the attorney general of New York and the D.A. In New York. Every one of those cases. And then they say oh, he was -- he's a criminal. They're the ones that made them go after me. By the way, Joe Biden was found essentially guilty on the documents case. And what happened in my documents case? They said oh, that's the toughest of them all. A complete and total victory. Two months ago it was thrown out. It's weaponization. And they used it. And it's never happened in this country. They used it to try and win an election. They're fake cases….&lt;br&gt;…This is the one that weaponized. Not me. She weaponized. I probably took a bullet to the head because of the things that they say about me. They talk about democracy. I'm a threat to democracy. They're the threat to democracy – With the fake Russia Russia Russia investigation that went nowhere.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris‘ statement that he inherited $400 million:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, first of all, I wasn't given $400 million. I wish I was. My father was a Brooklyn builder. Brooklyn, Queens. And a great father and I learned a lot from him. But I was given a fraction of that, a tiny fraction, and I built it into many, many billions of dollars. Many, many billions. And when people see it, they are even surprised. So, we don't have to talk about that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She went out -- she went out in Minnesota and wanted to let criminals that killed people, that burned down Minneapolis, she went out and raised money to get them out of jail. She did things that nobody would ever think of. Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison. This is a radical left liberal that would do this. She wants to confiscate your guns and she will never allow fracking in Pennsylvania. If she won the election, fracking in Pennsylvania will end on day one.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*Because &lt;b&gt;the prices of energy were quadrupling and doubling.&lt;/b&gt; You saw what happened to gasoline. So, they said let’s go back to Trump. But if she won the election, the day after that election, they’ll go back to destroying our country and oil will be dead, fossil fuel will be dead. We’ll go back to windmills and we’ll go back to solar, where they need a whole desert to get some energy to come out. You ever see a solar plant? By the way, I’m a big fan of solar. But they take 400, 500 acres of desert soil— These are not good things for the environment that she understands.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You were the president. You were watching [the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol] unfold on television. It’s a very simple question as we move forward toward another election. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? Yes or no.&lt;br&gt;&lt;/i&gt;I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech. I showed up for a speech. I said, I think it’s going to be big. I went to Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington, D.C. And the mayor put it back in writing, as you know. I said, you know, this is going to be a very big rally or whatever you want to call it. And again, it wasn’t done by me. It was done by others. I said I’d like to give you 10,000 National Guard or soldiers. They rejected me. Nancy Pelosi rejected me. It was just two weeks ago, her daughter has a tape of her saying she is fully responsible for what happened. They want to get rid of that tape. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their jobs. &lt;b&gt;I wasn’t responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn’t do her job.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Are you now acknowledging that you lost in 2020?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;No, I don’t acknowledge that at all.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But you did say that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I said that sarcastically. You know that. It was said, oh we lost by a whisker. That was said sarcastically. Look, there’s so much proof. All you have to do is look at it. And they should have sent it back to the legislatures for approval. I got almost 75 million votes. The most votes any sitting president has ever gotten. I was told if I got 63, which was what I got in 2016, you can’t be beaten. The election, people should never be thinking about an election as fraudulent. We need two things. We need walls. We need — and we have to have it. We have to have borders. And we have to have good elections.&lt;br&gt;Our elections are bad. And a lot of these illegal immigrants coming in, they’re trying to get them to vote. They can’t even speak English. They don’t even know what country they’re in practically. And these people are trying to get them to vote. And that’s why they’re allowing them to come into our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And [many judges] said there was no widespread [election] fraud.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; No judge looked at it. They said we didn’t have standing. That’s the other thing. They said we didn’t have standing. A technicality. Can you imagine a system where a person in an election doesn’t have standing, the President of the United States doesn’t have standing? That’s how we lost. If you look at the facts, and I’d love to have you — you’ll do a special on it. I’ll show you Georgia and I’ll show you Wisconsin and I’ll show you Pennsylvania and I’ll show you — we have so many facts and statistics. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because we have to solve the problem that we have right now. That’s old news. And the problem that we have right now is we have a nation in decline and they have put it into decline. We have a nation that is dying, David
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …And world leaders are laughing at Donald Trump. I have talked with military leaders, some of whom worked with you. And they say you’re a disgrace….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I’ll give you one minute to respond, Mr. President.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Let me just tell you about world leaders. Viktor Orban, one of the most respected men — they call him a strong man. He’s a tough person. Smart. Prime Minister of Hungary. They said why is the whole world blowing up? Three years ago it wasn’t. Why is it blowing up? He said because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid. And I don’t like to use the word afraid but I’m just quoting him. China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him. Look at what’s going on with North Korea, by the way. He said Russia was afraid of him….&lt;br&gt;Look, Viktor Orban said it. He said the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump. We had no problems when Trump was president. But when this weak pathetic man that you saw at a debate just a few months ago that if he weren’t in that debate he’d be running instead of her, she got no votes, he got 14 million votes, what you did, you talk about a threat to democracy. He got 14 million votes [in the primaries] and they threw him out of office. And you know what? I’ll give you a little secret. He hates her. He can’t stand her…. But he had 14 million votes. They threw them out. She got zero votes. And when she ran, she was the first one to leave because she failed. And now she’s running. I don’t understand it but I’m okay with it – because I think we’re going to do pretty well.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: President Trump, how would you negotiate with Netanyahu and also Hamas in order to get the hostages out and prevent the killing of more innocent civilians in Gaza?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;If I were president it would have never started. If I were president Russia would have never, ever -- I know Putin very well. He would have never -- and there was no threat of it either, by the way, for four years. Have gone into Ukraine and killed millions of people when you add it up.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She hates Israel. &lt;b&gt;If she's president, I believe that Israel will not exist within two years from now. And I've been pretty good at predictions.&lt;/b&gt; And I hope I'm wrong about that one. She hates Israel. At the same time in her own way she hates the Arab population because the whole place is going to get blown up, Arabs, Jewish people, Israel. Israel will be gone. It would have never happened. Iran was broke under Donald Trump. Now Iran has $300 billion because they took off all the sanctions that I had. Iran had no money for Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the 28 different spheres of terror. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And I'll get the war with Ukraine and Russia ended. If I'm President-Elect, I'll get it done before even becoming president.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …It is well known that he said of Putin that he can do whatever the hell he wants and go into Ukraine. It is well known when that he said when Russia went into Ukraine it was brilliant….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;They're the ones -- and she's the one that caused it, that's weak on national security by allowing every nation last month for the year, 168 different countries sending people into our country. Their crime rates are way down. Putin endorsed her last week. Said I hope she wins. And I think he meant it. Because what he's gotten away with is absolutely incredible. It wouldn't have happened with me.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …You have said you would solve this war [in Ukraine] in 24 hours. How exactly would you do that? And I want to ask you a very simple question tonight. Do you want Ukraine to win this war?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I want to get the war settled. I know Zelenskyy very well and I know Putin very well. I have a good relationship. And they respect your president. Okay? They respect me. They don't respect Biden….&lt;br&gt;If I win, when I'm President-Elect, and what I'll do is I'll speak to one, I'll speak to the other, I'll get them together. That war would have never happened. And in fact when I saw Putin after I left, unfortunately left because our country has gone to hell, but after I left when I saw him building up soldiers, he did it after I left, I said oh, he must be negotiating. It must be a good strong point of negotiation. Well, it wasn't because Biden had no idea how to talk to him. He had no idea how to stop it. And now you have millions of people dead and it's only getting worse and it could lead to World War 3. Don't kid yourself, David. We're playing with World War 3. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And we have a president that we don't even know if he's -- where is our president? We don't even know if he's a president.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And just to clarify here.&lt;/I&gt;&lt;br&gt;They threw him out of a campaign like a dog. We don't even know, is he our president? But we have a president…&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Mr. President,--&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…that doesn't know he's alive.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …If Donald Trump were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Putin would be sitting in Moscow and he wouldn't have lost 300,000 men and women. But he would have been sitting in Moscow… But eventually, you know, he's got a thing that other people don't have. &lt;b&gt;He's got nuclear weapons. They don't ever talk about that. He's got nuclear weapons. Nobody ever thinks about that.&lt;/b&gt; And eventually uh maybe he'll use them. Maybe he hasn't been that threatening. But he does have that. Something we don't even like to talk about.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And that's the kind of talent we have with her. She's worse than Biden. In my opinion, I think he's the worst president in the history of our country. She goes down as the worst vice president in the history of our country. But let me tell you something. She is a horrible negotiator. They sent her in to negotiate. As soon as they left Putin did the invasion.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: [Regarding a peace deal Trump negotiated to end the Afghan War:] He bypassed the Afghan government. He negotiated directly with a terrorist organization called the Taliban. The negotiation involved the Taliban getting 5,000 terrorists, Taliban terrorists released.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;So if you take a look at that period of time, the Taliban was killing our soldiers, a lot of them, with snipers. And I got involved with the Taliban because the Taliban was doing the killing. That's the fighting force within Afghanistan. They don't bother doing that because you know, they deal with the wrong people all the time. But I got involved. And Abdul is the head of the Taliban. He is still the head of the Taliban. And I told Abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you're going to have problems. And he said why do you send me a picture of my house? I said you're going to have to figure that out, Abdul. And for 18 months we had nobody killed. We did have an agreement negotiated by Mike Pompeo. It was a very good agreement. The reason it was good, it was -- we were getting out. We would have been out faster than them, but we wouldn't have lost the soldiers. We wouldn't have left many Americans behind. And we wouldn't have left -- we wouldn't have left $85 billion worth of brand new beautiful military equipment behind. And just to finish, they blew it. The agreement said you have to do this, this, this, this, this, and they didn't do it. They didn't do it. The agreement was, was terminated by us because they didn't do what they were supposed to do.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …Why do you believe it's appropriate to weigh in on the racial identity of your opponent?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't. And I don't care. I don't care what she is. I don't care. You make a big deal out of something. I couldn't care less. Whatever she wants to be is okay with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But those were your words. So, I'm asking --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And, I'll say that. And then I read that she was black. And that's okay. Either one was okay with me. That's up to her. That's up to her.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …Let's remember, this is the same individual who took out a full-page ad in The New York Times calling for the execution of five young Black and Latino boys who were innocent, the Central Park Five. Took out a full-page ad calling for their execution….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;This is the most divisive presidency in the history of our country. There's never been anything like it. They're destroying our country. And they come up with things like what she just said going back many, many years when a lot of people including Mayor Bloomberg agreed with me on the Central Park Five. They admitted -- they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty -- then they pled we're not guilty.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;b&gt;I built one of the greatest economies in the history of the world and I'm going to build it again.&lt;/b&gt; It's going to be bigger, better and stronger. But they're destroying our economy. They have no idea what a good economy is. Their oil policies -- every single policy -- and remember this. She is Biden. She's trying to get away from Biden. I don't know the gentleman, she says. She is Biden. The worst inflation we've ever had. A horrible economy because inflation has made it so bad and she can't get away with that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She is destroying our country. She has a plan to defund the police. She has a plan to confiscate everybody's gun. She has a plan to not allow fracking in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. That's what her plan is until just recently.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …So tonight, nine years after you first started running, do you have a [healthcare] plan and can you tell us what it is?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Obamacare was lousy health care. Always was. It's not very good today. And what I said, that if we come up with something, we are working on things, we're going to do it and we're going to replace it…. And what we will do is we're looking at different plans. If we can come up with a plan that's going to cost our people, our population less money and be better health care than Obamacare, then I would absolutely do it. But until then I'd run it as good as it can be run.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I have concepts of a plan. I'm not president right now. But if we come up with something I would only change it if we come up with something better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Closing Statement:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…We're a failing nation. We're a nation that's in serious decline. We're being laughed at all over the world. All over the world, they laugh, I know the leaders very well. They're coming to see me. They call me. We're laughed at all over the world. They don't understand what happened to us as a nation. We're not a leader. We don't have any idea what's going on. We have wars going on in the Middle East. We have wars going on with Russia and Ukraine. We're going to end up in a third World War. And it will be a war like no other because of nuclear weapons, the power of weaponry. I rebuilt our entire military. She gave a lot of it away to the Taliban. She gave it to Afghanistan. What these people have done to our country, and maybe toughest of all is allowing millions of people to come into our country, many of them are criminals, and they're destroying our country. The worst president, the worst vice president in the history of our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*It was 3 on 1, but they were mentally challenged people, against one person of extraordinary genius.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/abc-fake-news-trump-rages-network-under-investigation-after-debate-3-mentally-challenged-people-on-1-extraordinary-genius/]

*They didn't correct her [Harris] once and they corrected me. Everything I said, practically, I think 9 times or 11 times. And the audience was absolutely, they went crazy. And the real, I thought, I walked off and I said, 'that was a great debate, I loved it.'
**Regarding the debate audience (which there wasn‘t one), [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-praises-nonexistent-debate-crowd-they-went-crazy-1956251 Donald Trump's Debate Crowd Comment Sparks Confusion: 'They Went Crazy'], ''Newsweek'' (September 19, 2024)

==== October 2024 ====
* We do a lot of these beautiful rallies, and it's so great.  We never have an empty seat, never have. Look at it.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rally-videos-empty-seats-1966810 &quot;Donald Trump Rally Videos Show Hundreds of Empty Seats&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 10, 2024)

*We have two enemies: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia and all these countries… But the thing that's tougher to handle are these lunatics that we have inside, like Adam Schiff — Adam 'Shifty' Schiff… I call him the enemy from within. When you look at the danger he put our country in potentially with Russia — with a phony, made-up deal that he made up with Hillary and some bad people.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-president-trump-calls-enemy-within-more-dangerous-any-foreign-entity Former President Trump calls the 'enemy from within' more dangerous than any foreign entity] ''FoxNews'' (October 13, 2024)

*So we’re gonna take care of it, you and me. I’ll tell you, if everything works out and everybody gets out on January 5th, or before. You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re gonna straighten it all out. We’re gonna straighten that out, too. We’re gonna straighten out our election process, too. That’s gotta be important also.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/whoops-trump-tells-supporters-to-get-out-and-vote-on-january-5th/ Whoops! Trump Tells Supporters to Get Out and Vote on ‘January 5th’] ''Mediaite'' (October 14, 2024)

*Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ar-AA1sha0E Trump sways and bops to music for 39 minutes in bizarre town hall episode] ''The Washington Post'' (October 14, 2024)

*To me, the most beautiful word in the dictionary is tariff, and it’s my favorite word. It needs a public relations firm.
**[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-10-15/in-trump-s-economic-plan-tariff-is-the-most-beautiful-word In Trump’s Economic Plan, Tariff Is ‘the Most Beautiful Word’] ‘’Bloomberg News’’ (October 15, 2024)

* I’m the father of IVF.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/10/16/politics/fact-check-trump-false-claims-fox-townhall/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump makes at least 19 false claims in one-hour Fox town hall with women&quot;], ''CNN'' (October 16, 2024)

* [[w:Ashli Babbitt | Ashli Babbitt]] was killed, nobody was killed.
** Claimed about the [[2021 United States Capitol attack| January 6, 2020 United States Capitol attack]].  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-univision-town-hall-hispanic-voters-audience-reaction-1970402 &quot;Univision Audience Reaction to Donald Trump Answer in Town Hall Goes Viral&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 17, 2024)

*Very importantly, you had hundreds of thousands of people come to Washington [on January 6th]. They didn’t come because of me. They came because of the election. They thought the election was a rigged election and that’s why they came. Some of those people went down to the Capitol, I said, peacefully and patriotically, nothing done wrong at all. Nothing done wrong. And action was taken, strong action. Ashli Babbitt was killed. Nobody was killed. There were no guns down there. We didn’t have guns. The others had guns, but we didn’t have guns. And when I say “we” these are people that walk down, this was a tiny percentage of the overall, which nobody sees and nobody shows.&lt;br&gt;But that was a day of love from the standpoint of the millions, it’s like hundreds of thousands. It could have been the largest group I’ve ever spoken before. They asked me to speak. I went and I spoke and I used the term peacefully and patriotically. If you look at the Democrats, what they say, you look at Maxine Waters, and you look at Hillary Clinton and you look at what they say and they don’t put that on. They only put Republicans on, but they couldn’t get me because of the fact that I said, everything’s got to be peaceful and patriotic and we’ll see how it all works out.
**In response to a question about why a voter should support Trump after his role on January 6th [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/trump-town-hall-on-univision Trump Town Hall on Univision] (October 17, 2024)

*Kamala should be investigated and forced off the Campaign, and Joe Biden allowed to take back his rightful place (He got 14 Million Primary Votes, she got none!). THIS WHOLE SORDID AND FRAUDULENT EVENT IS A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!
**As it appeared on Truth Social, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-melts-down-in-wild-post-claiming-kamala-harris-should-be-investigated-and-biden-should-be-his-opponent-again/ Trump Melts Down In Wild Post Claiming Kamala Harris ‘Should Be Investigated’ And Biden Should Be His Opponent Again] Mediaite (October 17, 2024)

* We have another former New York City mayor with us. Frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it's not [[Michael Bloomberg|Michael]], that I can tell you. I'm surprised that [[Bill de Blasio|Bill de Blasio]] was actually able to make it tonight, to be honest. He was a terrible mayor. I don't give a shit if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible mayor. He did a horrible job. That's not comedy, by the way. That's fact.
** Al Smith dinner (October 17, 2024)

* If we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.&lt;br&gt;They want to do things like no more cows and no windows in buildings.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4941581-trump-says-no-cows-under-harris/ &quot;Trump tells child there will be no cows under Harris&quot;], ''The Hill'' (October 18, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Howard Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; But when you said, you know, it's gone viral, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't know if it's true or not true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; You don't know if it's true or not true. It's been debunked by the officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; What about the goose? The geese? They're all missing. It was one guy with two geese. I have no idea. I said something. The big problem is that you can't put 30,000 people into a 50,000-person town or city and expect this city to even survive or do well. What they've done to Springfield, Ohio, is very, very unfair. And I mean, there are a lot of stories. There are a lot of other stories that I've heard that are horrible stories... Don't don't, you know, blame me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; Well, I think it's been debunked by local officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't think it's been debunked at all. I think nobody talks about it except you.
*If radical left lunatics disrupt the election, it should be very easily handled by — if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military.
**Interview with Fox New host Howard Kurtz in [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-haitians-debunked/ 'It's been debunked': Fox News host fact checks Trump to his face on Springfield Haitians] ''RawStory'' (October 20, 2024) [https://whyy.org/articles/trump-election-2024-kamala-harris-elizabeth-cheney-threat-civil-liberties/]

*Comrade Kamala Harris sees that she is losing, and losing badly, especially after stealing the Race from Crooked Joe Biden, so now she is increasingly raising her rhetoric, going so far as to call me Adolf Hitler, and anything else that comes to her warped mind. She is a Threat to Democracy
**[https://nitter.poast.org/realDonaldTrump/status/1849272632237056163#m]

*I NEED THE KIND OF GENERALS THAT HITLER HAD
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/]
*When Kamala came in, she dismantled our border and threw open the gates to an invasion of criminal migrants. We're a dumping ground. We're like a garbage can for the world. That's what's happened. That's what's happened to our ... We're like a garbage can
**[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ripped-saying-america-garbage-can-1974727]

*He’d take all the candy away very quickly. She wouldn’t have any idea what happened. It would be like a grand chess master playing a beginner. We would lose our country or be in World War III,because she’d get exasperated. She’s in no way able to handle him. He’s a fierce individual.
**[https://nypost.com/2024/10/24/us-news/trump-says-iranian-regime-wouldnt-have-to-end-if-he-were-president-suggests-peace-could-be-close/?utm_source=twitter&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=nypost]
*Now we have income taxes, and we have people that are dying. They're paying tax, and they don't have the money to pay the tax. In the old days … we had so much money, they had to set up committees, blue-ribbon committees, [on] how to spend our wealth. We had no idea how to spend it with so much money. Then we went to the income tax system and the rest is sort of history. But no, there is a way
**[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]

*And my people told me about four weeks ago, I was saying, ‘No, I want to protect the people. I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women.’&lt;br&gt;“‘Sir, please don’t say that.’&lt;br&gt;“They said, ‘We think it’s, it’s very inappropriate for you to say.’&lt;br&gt;“I pay these guys a lot of money. Can you believe it? Well, I’m going to do it whether the women like it or not. I’m going to protect them.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-protect-women-green-bay-rally_n_6722f2d1e4b02f5ab1d23299 Trump Says He Will Protect Women ‘Whether The Women Like It Or Not’] ''HuffPost'' (October 30, 2024)

*She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there, with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face.
**Referring to [[Liz Cheney]], reported in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-suggests-liz-cheney-should-face-firing-squad-her-foreign-policy-stance-2024-11-01/ Arizona prosecutor investigating Trump for saying Cheney should face gunfire] ''Reuters'' (October 31, 2024)

==== November 2024 ====

*I could’ve been anywhere I wanted to be. I could’ve had those waves smacking me in the face. That white, beautiful white skin that I have would be nice and tan. I got the whitest skin ’cause I never have time to go out in the sun. But I have that beautiful white, and you know what? It could’ve been beautiful, tanned, beautiful.
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-boasts-he-has-beautiful-white-skin-right-after-slamming-kamala-harris/ar-AA1tmtNv Trump Boasts He Has ‘Beautiful White Skin’ Right After Slamming Kamala Harris] ''MSN'' (November 2, 2024)

*I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/03/politics/trump-dark-closing-message/index.html Trump says he ‘shouldn’t have left’ the White House as he closes campaign with increasingly dark message] ''CNN'' (November 3, 2024)

* In many cases, our allies are worse than our so-called enemies.
** Claimed about allied NATO members and Russia, quoted in [https://tvpworld.com/83295959/us-elections-trump-calls-allies-worse-than-enemies &quot;Trump claims US is being exploited by allies, calls them ‘worse than enemies’&quot;], ''TVP World'' (November 3, 2024)

*Now I want to take this opportunity to give you some advice. Over the course of your life, you will find that things are not always fair, you will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve, and that are not always warranted, but you have to put your head down, and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Never ever ever give up, things will work out just fine. Look at the way I've been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this is great surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. You can't let them get you down, you can't let the critics, and the naysayers get in the way of your dream. I guess that's why I won, thank you. I guess that's why we won. Adversity makes you stronger, don't give in, don't back down, and never stop doing what you know is right. Nothing worth doing, ever ever ever came easy, and the more righteous you fight, the more opposition that you will face. I've accomplished a tremendous amount, in a very short time as president.
**Speech (November 6, 2024){{fact}}

*Any Republican Senator seeking the coveted LEADERSHIP position in the United States Senate must agree to Recess Appointments (in the Senate!), without which we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner. Sometimes the votes can take two years, or more. This is what they did four years ago, and we cannot let it happen again. We need positions filled IMMEDIATELY!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/trump-senate-majority-candidates-recess-appointments-rcna179515 Trump declares Senate majority candidates should allow him to make recess appointments] ''NBC News'' (November 10, 2024)

==== December 2024 ====

* I spoke to over 100 countries. You wouldn’t believe how many countries there are.
** 16 December 2024, [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/12/16/trump-defamation-polio-001230 Politico] and [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/12/17/politics/trump-honeymoon-analysis/index.html CNN]

===2025===

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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2025 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's 2nd presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|Second presidency of Donald Trump}}
====January 2025====
*I’d like Egypt to take people. You're talking about probably a million and a half people, and we just clean out that whole thing and say, 'You know, it's over.’
**Regarding what to do with the Palestinian refugees currently on the Gaza Strip, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/01/26/g-s1-44831/trump-jordan-egypt-accept-more-refugees-just-clean-out-gaza Trump wants Jordan and Egypt to accept more refugees to 'just clean out' Gaza] ''NPR'' (January 26, 2025)

*Because I have common sense, OK, and unfortunately a lot of people don't.
**When asked how he could come to the conclusion that FAA diversity policies had something to do with the fatal air disaster at Reagan Washington National Airport, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-evidence-appears-blame-faa-diversity-initiatives-factor/story?id=118272015 Trump goes on offensive against FAA diversity initiatives during DC crash briefing, prompts fierce backlash] ''ABC News'' (January 30, 2025)

====February 2025====
[[File:Trump - Long Live the King.jpg|thumb|Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!]]

*He who saves his Country does not violate any Law
**15 February 2025 on [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1890831570535055759 X tweet] and ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-napoleon-saves-country-quote-rod-steiger-b2699102.html Trump suggests he’s above the law with ominous Napoleon quote] ''Independent'' (February 16, 2025)
**A reference to a maxim attributed to [[Napoleon]] by [[Honoré de Balzac]], &quot;Who saves his country violates no law&quot; (&quot;Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi&quot;).

*The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day &quot;gate crashers,&quot; illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves.
**16 February 2025 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114014567906020636 post on TruthSocial], quoted same day by [https://nypost.com/2025/02/16/us-news/president-trump-sparks-meltdown-for-sharing-napoleon-quote/ Ryan King of New York Post] and [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-14th-amendment-slaves-not-migrants/ Patrick Djordjevic of News Nation Now]

*It’s called the Gulf of America now. It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. I have the right to do it. We are going to keep them out until such time that they agree it is the Gulf of America.
**Referring to AP reporters being banned from the White House, referenced in [https://deadline.com/2025/02/trump-ap-gulf-of-mexico-1236294031/ Donald Trump Says White House Will Prohibit Associated Press From Events Until They Agree To Rename Gulf Of Mexico] ''Deadline'' (February 18, 2025)

* I had an approval rating today of 71 and another one of 69.  I have not heard of those numbers before.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-generously-makes-approval-rating-defying-reality-rcna193139 &quot;Trump generously makes up an approval rating for himself, defying reality&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (February 21, 2025)

====March 2025====
*Wow, that's beautiful. This is a different panel than I've ever — '''everything's computer!'''
**When inspecting a Tesla Model S at the White House; quoted from [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-tesla-model-s-review-everythings-computer-2025-3 Donald Trump reviews Tesla Model S: 'Everything's computer'] ''Business Insider''  (Mar 11, 2025)

====April 2025====
*I call it a lot of different names, but it's really, in a sense, it's a rebirth of a country because how we could have afforded to do what we did, we helped everybody and they don't help us. The term I like best probably is the liberation of America.&lt;br&gt;It's a liberation of this country because it's incredible. Look, we have 36 trillion in debt for a reason and that accumulates over a long period of time. What you're going to be seeing over the next couple of days will be very inspiring to a lot of people.
**Regarding the round of tariffs expected to be enforced on most imported goods beginning April 2nd as referenced in [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/united-states/trump-says-india-will-substantially-cut-tariffs-signals-major-us-tariff-moves/ &quot;Trump says India will 'substantially' cut tariffs, signals major US tariff moves&quot;] ''The Tribune'' (April 1, 2025)

*We are going to be very nice, relatively speaking. We are going to be very kind....&lt;br&gt;Somebody said that about me the other day, who doesn’t know me very well. They said — ‘You are such a kind person’ and I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You are a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’
**Speaking on the severity of the tariffs as reported in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/politics/trump-tariffs-liberation-day-oval-office/index.html Trump has the world on edge as he mulls fateful tariffs decades in the making] ''CNN'' (April 1, 2025)[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stephen-colbert-trump-weird-confession_n_67ece159e4b048fde6fe94e3]

*THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
**Posted on Truth Social following the implementation of sweeping tariffs as reported in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/us-and-world/the-operation-is-over-the-patient-lived-donald-trump-after-shaking-global-economies-with-us-tariffs/articleshow/119949495.cms ‘The operation is over, the patient lived’: Donald Trump after shaking global economies with US tariffs] ''The Times of India'' (April 3, 2025)

*I think it's going very well. It was an operation, like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is....&lt;br&gt;The markets are going to boom, the stock is going to boom, the country is going to boom, and the rest of the world wants to see is there any way they can make a deal. They've taken advantage of us for many, many years. For many years we've been at the wrong side of the ball. And I'll tell you what, I think it's going to be unbelievable.
**When asked how things were going after a drop in the stock market the first day after Trump's tariff announcement as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trust-president-trump-white-house-defending-tariffs-amid/story?id=120449641 Trump says ‘it’s going very well’ after tariffs roil markets] ''ABC News'' (April 3, 2025)

*TO THE MANY INVESTORS COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES AND INVESTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY, MY POLICIES WILL NEVER CHANGE. THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET RICH, RICHER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!
**Posted on ''Truth Social'' following the announcement of his worldwide tariffs policy and the resulting sharp sell-off in the stock market a day later as reported in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/04/trump-tariffs-truth-social Trump insists he won’t back down from global trade war as markets slump] ''The Guardian'' (April 4, 2025)

*...We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114285375813275308 Truth Social] (April 5, 2025)

*It's the only chance we're going to have to reset the table on trade, and when we do, we're going to come out unbelievably well. We're going to have a strong country economically again and we're going to have those factories that are empty all over the United States.
**Indicating there would be no change of course regarding tariff plan, reported in [https://abc7chicago.com/post/donald-trump-tariff-formula-team-cites-chicago-economist-brent-neimans-work-he-says-math-doesnt-check/16141896/ Trump tariff team cites Chicago economist's work, but he says their math doesn't check out] ''ABC7 Chicago'' (April 7, 2025)

*We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made. Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.&lt;br&gt;Iran is going to be in great danger, and I hate to say it…. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, and if the talks aren’t successful, I think it’s going to be a very bad day for Iran.
**Referring to upcoming talks with Iran about their nuclear capability, taken from [https://time.com/7275589/trump-iran-nuclear-program-talk/ Trump Says U.S. Will Have Direct Talks With Iran About Nuclear Program] ''TIME'' (April 7, 2025)[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2038962/us-could-be-bombing-iran]

* There can be permanent tariffs and there can also be negotiations, because there are things that we need beyond tariffs. '''We need open borders.'''[https://www.yahoo.com/news/cognitive-decline-trump-calls-open-202617475.html]

*I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy. You know, they were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid…. Over the last few days it looked pretty glum… You have to be flexible. You have to be able to show a little flexibility. And I'm able to do that.
**Reasons given for pausing his tariff plan for 90 days for all countries except China, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-explains-dramatic-reversal-tariffs-people-bit-afraid/story?id=120651386 Trump explains dramatic reversal on tariffs: People getting 'a little bit afraid'] ''ABC News'' (April 9.2025)

*I’m not asking for much ... but they can't have a nuclear weapon.&lt;br&gt;If it requires military, we're going to have military. Israel will, obviously, be ... the leader of that. No one leads us. We do what we want.&lt;br&gt;I don't want to be specific. But when you start talks, you know if they're going along well or not. And I would say the conclusion would be when I think they're not going along well.
**[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2025-04-09/trump-repeats-threat-to-use-military-force-if-iran-does-not-agree-to-nuclear-deal Trump Repeats Threat to Use Military Force if Iran Does Not Agree to Nuclear Deal] ''US News'' (April 9, 2025)

*In my case, I like to take a nice shower, take care of my beautiful hair.... I have to stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous.
**While signing an executive order repealing limits to the flow of water to bathroom showers, taken from [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/4/10/make-showers-great-again-why-trumps-fighting-bathroom-water-pressure ‘Make showers great again’: Why Trump’s fighting bathroom water pressure] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 10, 2025)

*China wants to make a deal. They just don't know how quite to go about it. You know, it's one of those things they don't know quite. They're proud people and President Xi's a proud man. I know him very well. And they don't know quite how to go about it, but they'll figure it out.
**Indicating he is waiting for China to call him regarding the recently imposed tariffs, reported in [https://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/video/2025/04/washington-week-with-the-atlantic-full-episode-41125 Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/11/25] ''Washington Week'' (April 11, 2025)[https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/10/politics/trump-xi-china-tariffs/index.html]

*Homegrown criminals next. I said homegrowns are next, the homegrowns. You gotta build about five more [prisons]…. [The notorious Salvadoran mega-prison] is not big enough… If it's a homegrown criminal, I have no problem. Now we're studying the laws right now, Pam [Bondi] is studying. If we can do that, that's good…. And I'm talking about violent people. I'm talking about really bad people. Really bad people. Every bit as bad as the ones coming in.
**Speaking to El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele, referring to US citizens accused of crimes being the next ones sent to Salvadoran prisons, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/homegrowns-trump-doubles-sending-convicted-us-citizens-foreign/story?id=120802863 'Homegrowns are next': Trump doubles down on sending American 'criminals' to foreign prisons] ''ABC News'' (April 14, 2025)

* Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.”
* Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and ‘birdbrains’ who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called ‘future leaders
* Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. 
** [https://www.thefire.org/news/revoking-harvards-tax-exempt-status-will-threaten-all-nonprofits &quot;Revoking Harvard’s tax-exempt status will threaten all nonprofits&quot;], ''The Fire'' (April 18, 2025)

* As you know, the cost of eggs has come down like 93, 94% since we took office.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/23/politics/price-of-eggs-gas-trump-fact-check/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump lies about the price of eggs, groceries and gas&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 23, 2025)

*I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP!
**Taken from ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/International/russia-launches-massive-deadly-strike-kyiv-ukrainian-authorities/story?id=121113739 'Vladimir, STOP!' Trump says to Putin after deadliest Russian strike on Kyiv in months] ''ABC News'' (April 24, 2025)

*The first time, I had two things to do—run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.”
**In response to what felt different about his second term compared to the first, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/06/trump-second-term-comeback/682573/ ‘I RUN THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD’ Donald Trump believes he’s invincible. But the cracks are beginning to show] ''The Atlantic'' (April 28, 2025)

* Great Pollster John McLaughlin, one of the most highly respected in the industry, has just stated that The Failing New York Times Poll, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll, about a person named DONALD J. TRUMP, ME, are FAKE POLLS FROM FAKE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS. The New York Times has only 37% Trump 2024 voters, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll has only 34% Trump Voters, unheard of numbers unless looking for a negative result, which they are. These people should be investigated for ELECTION FRAUD, and add in the FoxNews Pollster while you’re at it. They are Negative Criminals who apologize to their subscribers and readers after I WIN ELECTIONS BIG, much bigger than their polls showed I would win, loose a lot of credibility, and then go on cheating and lying for the next cycle, only worse. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and there is nothing that anyone, or anything, can do about it. THEY ARE SICK, almost only write negative stories about me no matter how well I am doing (99.9% at the Border, BEST NUMBER EVER!), AND ARE TRULY THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! I wish them well, but will continue to fight to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/04/28/trump-approval-ratings-slams-polls-truth-social &quot;Trump lashes out against &quot;fake polls&quot; as his approval ratings sink&quot;], ''Axios'' (April 28, 2025)

* I am the candidate of peace.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/28/us-escalation-yemen-civilian-casualties &quot;Trump promised peace but brings rapid increase in civilian casualties to Yemen&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (April 28, 2025)

[[File:Pope Trump AI by Donald Trump.png|thumb|I'd like to be [[pope]]. That would be my number one choice.]]
* I'd like to be pope. That would be my number one choice. No — I don't know, I have no preference. I must say we have a cardinal that happens to be out of a place called New York who's very good.
** Response to being asked after the death of [[Pope Francis]] who he would like to be the next Pope (29 April 2025); as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/nx-s1-5386516/catholic-leaders-criticize-trump-ai-pope-photo?utm_term=nprnews&amp;utm_campaign=npr&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_source=facebook.com &quot;Catholic leaders criticize Trump for posting apparent AI photo of himself as the pope&quot;, ''NPR'' (4 May 2025)]

*PRESIDENT TRUMP: (Referring to a photo of what was tattooed on Abrego Garcia's knuckles:) M-S-1-3 -- It says M-S-one-three.&lt;br&gt;INTERVIEWER TERRY MORAN: I -- that was Photoshop….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: That was Photoshop?… Do you want me to show the picture?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: I saw the picture. We'll agree to disagree --&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Oh, and you think it was Photoshop…. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13 --&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: Fair enough, he did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry, no, no. No, no. He had MS as clear as you can be. Not &quot;interpreted.&quot; This is why people no longer believe the news, because it's fake news.&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: ...When he was photographed in El Salvador, they aren't there…. Take a look at the photograph —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: But they're there now, right?… But they're there now?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: They're in your picture.&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry He's got MS-13 on his knuckles…. you do such a disservice —&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: We'll take a look. We'll take a look at that, sir —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Why don't you just say, &quot;Yes, he does,&quot; and, you know, go on to something else --
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)[https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-photo-abrego-001600628.html]

*Everybody's gonna be just fine. It wouldn't have been if I didn't do this. I had a choice. I could leave it, have a nice, easy time. But I think ultimately you would've had an implosion. Our country had inflation that was worse than they've ever had it before.&lt;br&gt;You don't mention that. Why don't you mention that? We had the worst inflation probably in the history of our country. People say 48 years, probably in the history of our country we had the worst inflation. And people were dying over the inflation. You know that. Now the grocery prices are coming down. The energy prices are coming down. Gasoline's coming down. It's all heading in the right direction.
**In response to a question over the concern about the effect of the tariffs, taken from [https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)

*We're going to have something that you won't even believe. We will end inflation, slash prices. We've already ended inflation, raise wages, and give you the greatest economy in the history of the world.
**[https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-teases-biggest-bill-ever-021733041.html Trump Teases 'Biggest Bill Ever Passed' and 'Military Supremacy' During Anniversary Rally] ''Yahoo! News'' (April 29, 2025)

*This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s… I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers…. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden 'Overhang. This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!!
**From Truth Social reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You probably saw some numbers today, and I have to start off by saying that’s Biden — that’s not Trump — because we came in on January. We came in and I was very against everything that Biden was doing in terms of the economy. … We took over his mess in so many different ways.&lt;br&gt;I’m not taking credit or discredit for the stock market. I’m just saying we inherited a mess…. We came in on Jan. 20, so this is Biden. And you can even say the next quarter is, sort of, Biden, because it doesn’t just happen on a daily or an hourly basis, but we’re turning it around. It’s a big ship to turn around.
**In remarks during a meeting with his Cabinet, reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. So maybe the two dolls will cost a couple bucks more than they would normally.
**More remarks during his Cabinet meeting, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-economy-tariffs-gdp-7494825851dcef94ec81475124f9326f Trump says US kids may get ‘2 dolls instead of 30,’ but China will suffer more in a trade war] 'AP News' (April 30, 2025)

===== Liberation Day tariff announcements (2 April 2025) ===== 
Announced from the Rose Garden at the White House:[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-liberation-day-arrives-gambles-big-risky-tariff/story?id=120382209] [https://nypost.com/2025/04/02/us-news/trump-slaps-at-least-10-tariffs-on-all-imports-in-declaration-of-economic-independence-half-of-what-they-could-be] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-tariffs-great-depression-fdr-b2726461.html][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6uFW0gHwXU][https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-liberation-day-event-april-2-2025/?singlepage=1]
*My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day… April 2nd, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed and the day that we began to make America wealthy again.
*For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far, both friend and foe alike.
* Taxpayers have been ripped off for more than 50 years, but it is not going to happen anymore.
*This is one of the most important days, in my opinion, in American history. It’s our declaration of economic independence. …now it’s our turn to prosper and in so doing use trillions and trillions of dollars to reduce our taxes and pay down our national debt and it will all happen very quickly. With today’s action we are finally going to be able to make America great again, greater than ever before.
*Jobs and factories will come roaring back into our country, and you see it happening already. We will supercharge our domestic industrial base. We will pry open foreign markets and break down foreign trade barriers. And ultimately, more production at home will mean stronger competition and lower prices for consumers. This will be indeed the golden age of America. It’s coming back and we’re going to come back very strongly.
*From 1789 to 1913, we were a tariff-backed nation and the United States was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been. So wealthy, in fact, that in the 1880s, they established a commission to decide what they were going to do with the vast sums of money they were collecting….&lt;br&gt;Then in 1913, for reasons unknown to mankind, they established the income tax so that citizens rather than foreign countries would start paying the money necessary to run our government. Then in 1929, it all came to a very abrupt end with the Great Depression, and it would have never happened if they had stayed with the tariff policy. It would have been a much different story.&lt;br&gt;They tried to bring back tariffs to save our country, but it was gone. It was gone. It was too late. Nothing could have been done. It took years and years to get out of that depression, far longer than even FDR had that office right over there for a long period of time.
*We will charge them approximately half of what they are and have been charging us because we are being very kind. This is not full reciprocal. This is kind reciprocal.
*In short, chronic trade deficits are no longer merely an economic problem. They're a national emergency that threatens our security and our very way of life. It's a very great threat to our country. 
*These tariffs are going to give us growth like you haven’t seen before. And it’ll be something very special to watch.

====May 2025====
[[File:AI Donald Trump Star Wars.jpg|thumb|You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]].]]

*They all hated me in my first term, and now they’re kissing my ass.
**Trump bragging about how tech moguls have warmed up to him, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-alabama-commencement-address-protests-6bcea5b4058c819c26a8135b41d73dd1 Trump offers advice to University of Alabama graduates in speech interspersed with politics] 'AP News' (May 1, 2025)

* The courts are trying to stop me from doing the job that I was elected to do. 
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/05/02/politics/ketanji-brown-jackson-trump-judges &quot;Politico: Ketanji Brown Jackson warns Trump’s rhetoric against judges are ‘attacks on our democracy’&quot;] ''CNN'' (May 2, 2025)

* [[w:Star Wars Day|Happy May the 4th]] to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring [[w:Sith|Sith Lords]], Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, &amp; well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy. You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]]. &lt;br /&gt; May the 4th be with you.
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1919053040734072844 Star Wars Day message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (4 May 2025)], accompanied by an AI generated image of Trump with a body-builder physique, wielding a [[w:Lightsaber|red lightsaber]] (which in [[Star Wars]] lore is emblematic of the often deceitful and profoundly evil [[w:Sith|Sith]] manifesting the &quot;Dark side&quot; of [[the Force]]).

*&lt;b&gt;I don't know.&lt;/b&gt; I have to respond by saying, again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me, and they are going to obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a different interpretation.
**When asked whether he, as president, needs to abide by the Constitution and the rights it provides to people in the U.S., as reported in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/g-s1-64239/does-a-president-need-to-uphold-the-constitution-trump-says-i-dont-know Does a president need to uphold the Constitution? Trump says 'I don't know'] ''NPR'' (May 4, 2025)

*I think the good parts are the ‘Trump economy’ and the bad parts are the ‘Biden economy’ because he’s done a terrible job…. I was able to get down the costs. But even that, it takes a while to get them down. But we got them down good....&lt;br&gt;I’ve only just been here for a little more than three months. But the stock market, look at what’s happened in the last short period of time. Didn’t it have nine or 10 days in a row, or 11 days, where it’s gone up? And the tariffs have just started kicking in. And we’re doing really well.
**In response to the question: ‘When does it become the Trump economy?’, quoted from [https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/04/business/trump-economy-tariffs-powell Trump says good parts of US economy are ‘Trump economy,’ bad parts are ‘Biden economy’] CNN (May 4 2025)

* ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell is a FOOL, who doesn’t have a clue. 
** Claimed about the Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/08/trump-calls-fed-chair-jerome-powell-a-fool-after-central-bank-keeps-rates-steady.html &quot;Trump calls Fed Chair Jerome Powell a ‘fool’ after central bank keeps rates steady&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 8, 2025)

*(U.S. ports slowing down) means we lose less money, you know? When I see that, that means we lose less money…. And frankly if we didn’t do business (with China), we would have been better off. So, when you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
**Responding to a reporter saying that traffic at U.S. ports “has really slowed, and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs”, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-exposes-own-idiocy-looming-171025385.html?guccounter=1&amp;guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&amp;guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAwAaX7rRwkUgizDt6XV1AOwYrv_ZMeBvHcxEMpvwsTm5lgFGs-RnNK7Brf0slvaI0V7WM6BAq1bFaEnDYKIOA9VnIsUr1OTy57i7_-oXYOG-Ti5H0ZkMgFatc6W-Oemxe82QXdtzNGQy_NC4PvCUlAd8MeWzovIDQhPgQAuh6I3 Trump Exposes Own Idiocy With Comment About Looming Shortages] ''Yahoo! News'' (May 8, 2025)

*So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA.
**From ''Truth Social'' regarding a potential gift of a $400 million &quot;palace in the sky&quot; airplane from the Qatari government for Trump's use, reported in [https://thearabweekly.com/brewing-controversy-surrounds-qatars-intent-lavish-luxury-jet-trump Brewing controversy surrounds Qatar’s intent to lavish luxury jet on Trump] ''The Arab Weekly'' (May 12, 2025)

*I think it's a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer.&lt;br&gt;I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, 'No, we don't want a free, very expensive airplane.' I thought it was a great gesture.&lt;br&gt;…They're giving us a free jet. I could say, 'No, no, no, don't give us. I want to pay you a billion or $400 million, or whatever it is.' Or I could say, 'Thank you very much.'
**Speaking to reporters at the White House regarding accepting a gift of a $400 million 747 airplane from Qatar, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2025/05/12/trump-qatar-jet-free-plane-air-force-one Trump says it would be &quot;stupid&quot; not to accept free jet from Qatar] ''Axios'' (May 12, 2025)

* European Union is in many ways nastier than China, okay.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-eu-nastier-than-china/ &quot;Trump: The EU is ‘nastier than China’&quot;], ''Politico'' (May 12, 2025)

*Oh, what I do for the crown prince. The sanctions were brutal and crippling and served as an important, really an important function, nevertheless, at the time. But now it's their time to shine.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-heaps-praise-saudi-crown-prince-touts-economic/story?id=121758613 Trump heaps praise on Saudi Crown Prince MBS as he touts economic development] ''ABC News'' (May 13, 2025)

* I see that Highly Overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a Foreign Country to speak badly about the President of the United States.  Never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics and, importantly, he's not a talented guy - Just a pushy, obnoxious JERK
* Has anyone noticed that, since I said 'I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,' she’s no longer 'HOT?
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2025/05/16/trump-calls-bruce-springsteen-obnoxious-jerk/83671059007/ &quot;Trump calls Bruce Springsteen 'obnoxious jerk' after singer voiced criticism at concert&quot;], ''USA Today'' (May 16, 2025)

*...The biggest crime of all is that THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED! I (MAGA!) WON THE ELECTION BY MILLIONS OF VOTES, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. GOD BLESS AMERICA, FOR THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN!!!
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-goes-on-early-morning-ragefest-over-autopen-and-rigged-and-stolen-election/ Trump Goes On Early-Morning Ragefest Over ‘AUTOPEN’ And ‘RIGGED AND STOLEN’ Election] ''Mediaite'' (May 17, 2025)

* They have a term, ‘grocery.’ It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It’s a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down.
* Costs are down, eggs are down.  They were, first week they were hitting me with ‘Eggs were up 200%’ and now they’re down to a number that is amazing. We’re down 97, 98% from where they were. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-left-flabbergasted-trumps-explanation-213256638.html &quot;People Left Flabbergasted By Trump's Explanation Of 1 English Word To UAE President&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (May 15, 2025)

* Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS  last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, “EAT THE TARIFFS,” and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/17/trump-tells-walmart-to-eat-the-tariffs.html &quot;Trump tells Walmart to ‘eat the tariffs’ after retailer warned it will raise prices&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 17, 2025)

*HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN’T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter....For these unpatriotic “entertainers,” this was just a CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system.
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-demands-major-investigation-into-springsteen-beyonce-oprah-for-backing-kamala-harris-corrupt-unlawful/ Trump Demands ‘Major Investigation’ Into Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah for Backing Kamala Harris: ‘CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL!’] ''Mediate'' (May 19, 2025)

* HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-memorial-day-154700630.html &quot;Fact Check: Trump's Memorial Day message&quot;] ''Yahoo News'' (May 27, 20205)

* What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-brags-shielding-putin-not-204644595.html &quot;Trump Brags About Shielding Putin, And It’s Not Going Over Well On Social Media&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (May 27, 2025)

* There is no #JoeBiden - executed in 2020. #Biden clones doubles &amp; robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see. Democrats dont know the difference.
** Social media posting shared by Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-shares-bonkers-conspiracy-theory-about-joe-biden-being-replaced-by-clones/ &quot;Trump Shares Unhinged Conspiracy Theory That Biden Is a Robot Clone&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (May 31, 2025)

===== [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-advice-university-alabama-commencement-speech-2067054 Donald Trump Shares 11 Pieces of Advice at Rally-Style Commencement Speech] Newsweek (1 May 2025) =====
# &quot;If you're here today and think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young. You can have great success at a very young age ... In America, with drive and ambition, young people can do anything.&quot;
# &quot;You have to love what you do. You have to. I rarely see somebody that's successful that doesn't love what he or she does ... If I didn't find it fun, I wouldn't be successful.&quot;
# &quot;The third thing is to think big. If you're going to do something, you might as well think big. I know a lot of people, they've thought small, they were very smart. I know others that weren't nearly as smart, but they had a better picture of the big picture, because it's just as hard to solve a small problem as a big problem and it's just as much energy and everything else, except the result is going to be a smaller one. So love what you do and think big if it's possible.&quot;
# &quot;Work hard. Never, ever stop,&quot; Trump said, before mentioning pro golf legend Gary Player. The president said Player &quot;wasn't as big as other men, he was on the small side ... but he worked very, very hard. He made up for it. He never stopped.&quot;
# &quot;Don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know, if you are losing it, you have to know when you are losing it, so maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop. Listen to the feedback, think through your plan very carefully and keep moving fast.&quot;
# &quot;If you want to change the world, you have to have the courage to be an outsider. In other words, you have to take certain risks and do things a little bit differently; otherwise, if that were the case, everybody would be successful. Doesn't work that way. Progress never comes from those satisfied with the failures of a broken system; it comes from those who want to fix the broken system. If you want to go to the top, you're just never going to do it unless you break the system ... You really do, you have to break the system a little bit and follow your own instincts. But if your vision is right, nothing will hold you down. Nothing. You have to have the right vision.&quot;
# &quot;Trust your instincts. Common sense. You can go very far in life with common sense and I applied that to politics because some of these things, like, they had open borders. Let everybody in the whole world flow into our country. That's not common sense.&quot;
# &quot;Everybody should believe in the American dream. It's real, it's there and it's right before you.&quot;
# &quot;Think of yourself as a winner. The power of positive thinking. Don't consider yourself a victim. Consider yourself a winner. In recent years, too many of our young people have really been taught to think of themselves as victims and blame people and be angry. Don't be angry. In America, we reject that idea that anyone is born a victim. Our heroes are the ones who take charge of their own destiny, make their own luck and determine their own fate, despite the odds.&quot;
# &quot;Be an original,&quot; Trump said as his penultimate piece of advice for the graduating class. &quot;The all-time greats were people who had the confidence to be a little different ... God only created one of you. Remember that. You're all different, some are close, but nobody is the same. You're one of a kind so don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself.&quot;
# &quot;Never, ever give up. Never give up. Don't stop. Never, ever give up. Victory is right around the corner.&quot;

==== June 2025 ====
*The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same!
**Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress  according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025)

* Because of Tariffs, our Economy is BOOMING!
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-brag-about-booming-economy-immediately-gets-a-humiliating-reality-check/ &quot;Trump’s Brag About ‘BOOMING’ Economy Immediately Gets a Humiliating Reality Check&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (June 3, 2025)

*That was not a pleasant day for you?
**About the 1945 D-Day landings, to Chancellor of Germany Friedrich Merz, who replied &quot;This was the liberation of my country from Nazi dictatorship.&quot; ([https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/germanys-chancellor-visits-trump-as-europes-alliance-with-u-s-is-fracturing June 5, 2025])

* The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts.  I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/06/05/elon-musk-twitter-trump-epstein-files &quot;How Trump and Musk's relationship exploded in real time over X, Truth Social&quot;], ''Axios'' (June 5, 2025)

*We want to wean off of FEMA and we want to bring it down to the state level — a little bit like education, we're moving it back to the states.&lt;br&gt;It has not worked out well. It's extremely expensive and, again, when you have a tornado or a hurricane or you have a problem of any kind, in a state, that's what you have governors for. They're supposed to fix those problems, and it's much more local and they'll develop a system, and it will be a great system.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-fema-hurricane-season-wean-states/ Trump says his administration wants to &quot;wean&quot; states off FEMA aid after hurricane season] ''CBS News'' (June 11, 2025)

* Remember eggs? We weren’t able to buy another egg for the next 20 years — they were so expensive, right?  Eggs have come down 400%. 
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everybody-eggs-now-154300576.html &quot;Trump says ‘everybody has eggs now’ since prices have dropped a staggering 400%. But is his math scrambled?&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance / Moneywise'' (June 12, 2025)

* Please help me with my military parade.
** Written in a fundraising e-mail, quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/chris-hayes-cackles-at-trump-email-sorry-thats-a-funny-sentence/ &quot;Chris Hayes Cackles at Trump Email: ‘Sorry, That’s a Funny Sentence’&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 13, 2025)

* President Putin called this morning to very nicely wish me a Happy Birthday
** Quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-says-putin-very-nicely-wished-him-happy-birthday-and-they-agreed-war-in-israel-iran-should-end-on-hour-long-call/ &quot;Trump Says Putin ‘Very Nicely’ Wished Him Happy Birthday and They Agreed ‘War in Israel-Iran Should End’ on Hour-Long Call&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 14, 2025)

* We can easily get a deal done between Iran and Israel, and end this bloody conflict.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-iran-retaliation-levels-never-seen-before/ &quot;Trump threatens Iran with retaliation ‘at levels never seen before’&quot;], ''Politico'' (June 15, 2025)

*ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History.&lt;br&gt;In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These radical left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our country and actually want to destroy our inner cities - and they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them
**From Truth Social reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/trump-admin-updates-live/?id=122650591 Trump admin updates: Trump calls for expanded deportations in LA, NYC and more] ''ABC News'' (June 15, 2025)

*I want them to focus on the cities because the cities are where you really have what's called sanctuary cities, and that's where the people are… Most of those people are in the cities, all blue cities, all Democrat-run cities, and they think they're going to use them to vote. It's not going to happen.
**Speaking at the G7 Summit concerning the deportation of illegal aliens, reported in [https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/california/president-trump-orders-ice-to-target-democratic-run-cities/509-457960b7-63e1-4277-bc42-73d10918a0f4 Trump targets deportations in Democratic cities, sparks outrage in California] ''CBS8'' (June 16, 2025)

*Well, considering that I’m the one that developed ‘America First,’ and considering that the term wasn’t used until I came along, I think I’m the one that decides that.
**[https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/trump-america-first-iran-israel-strikes-rcna213299 Trump tries to redefine ‘America First’ in the face of MAGA backlash] ''MSNBC'' (June 16, 2025)

*I think the governor of Minnesota is so whacked out. I'm not calling him. Why would I call him? I could call and say, 'Hi, how you doing?' Uh, the guy doesn't have a clue. He's a mess. I could be nice and call, but why waste time?
**Explaining why he chose not to call Minnesota Governor [[Tim Walz]] following the political assassinations of state Representative [[Melissa Hortman]] (a Democrat) and her husband [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-call-walz-after-minnesota-shootings-calls-grossly/story?id=122870353 Trump says calling Walz after Minnesota shootings would be 'waste of time'] ''ABC News'' (June 17, 2025)

* I don't believe in telephones.
** [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14820045/Donald-Trump-G7-Iran-Air-Force-One.html &quot;Donald Trump reveals the real reason he rushed home from the G7 in Canada while bombs fell on Tehran&quot;] ''Daily Mail'' (June 17, 2025)

*Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word, but I'm not gonna use that word. It starts with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it, I would be run out of town by you people.
**While talking with reporters on the White House lawn, where he plans on installing two massive flagpoles, reported in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-cracks-crude-genitalia-joke-35414899 Trump cracks crude genitalia joke at flagpole ceremony amid fears he'll be 'run out of town'] ''Irish Star'' (June 18, 2025)

*My supporters are more in love with me today, and I'm more in love with them, more than they even were at election time where we had a total landslide…&lt;br&gt;I may have some people that are a little bit unhappy now, but I have some people that are very happy, and I have people outside of the base that can't believe that this is happening, they're so happy ... and there was a poll that just came out today and my approval rating’s the highest it’s ever been.
**Speaking to reporters at the White House on the South Lawn, asked about supporters’ concerns regarding involvement in the Israel-Iran conflict quoted in  [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-supporters-love-involvement-iran-roils-maga-world-122978793 Trump says supporters are 'more in love' with him than ever, as involvement in Iran roils MAGA world] ''ABC News'' (June 18, 2025)[https://www.al.com/politics/2025/06/trump-claims-his-approval-rating-is-the-highest-its-ever-been-numbers-tell-a-different-story.html]

* I may do it. I may not do it. Nobody knows what I'm going to do.
** Said about the possibility of attacking Iran, 18 June 2025. Quoted in Allan Little [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxww2kez0go How Trump is using the 'Madman Theory' to try to change the world (and it's working)] ''BBC News'' (July 6, 2025)

* I stopped the war between Pakistan and India.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/third-time-india-pushes-back-trumps-dubious-boasts-rcna213931 &quot;For the third time, India pushes back against Trump’s dubious boasts&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (June 19, 2025)

*Zero Border crossings for the month for TRUMP, verses 60,000 for Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden, a man who lost the 2020 Presidential Election by a “LANDSLIDE!” Biden was grossly incompetent, and the 2020 election was a total FRAUD! The evidence is MASSIVE and OVERWHELMING. A Special Prosecutor must be appointed. This cannot be allowed to happen again in the United States of America!
**Taken from Truth Social post in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-calls-for-special-prosecutor-for-alleged-election-fraud-in-2020-claiming-he-won-in-a-landslide/ Trump Calls for Special Prosecutor for Alleged Election Fraud in 2020 — Claiming He Won in a ‘LANDSLIDE!’] ''Mediaite'' (June 20, 2025)

*It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change’, but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change? MIGA!!!
**''Truth Social'' posting, reported in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2025/06/23/trump-agitates-for-iran-regime-change/ Trump agitates for regime change to ‘make Iran great again’] ''The Telegraph'' (June 22, 2025)

*CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED! During each CEASEFIRE, the other side will remain PEACEFUL and RESPECTFUL. On the assumption that everything works as it should, which it will, I would like to congratulate both Countries, Israel and Iran, on having the Stamina, Courage, and Intelligence to end, what should be called, “THE 12 DAY WAR”.
**Truth Social post reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/23/iran-qatar-iraq-attacks-us-israel.html Trump announces Israel-Iran ceasefire timeline he says will end the war: Live updates] ''CNBC'' (June 23, 2025)[https://www.salon.com/2025/06/23/the-12-day-war-says-israel-iran-have-reached-tentative-ceasefire-agreement/]

* Israel, as soon as we made the deal they came out and they dropped a load of bombs, the likes of which I’ve never seen before.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy with Israel. You know, when I say, ‘OK now you have 12 hours,’ you don’t go out to the first hour, just drop everything you have on, so I’m not happy with them. I’m not happy with Iran either.&lt;br&gt;ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW!
** [https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-conflict-us-trump-06-24-25-intl-hnk#cmcaf5mst00003b6prm250209 &quot;Trump lashes out at Israel as his Middle East truce appears to falter&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 24, 2025)

* ''About Israel and Iran:''
: I don’t believe they will ever be shooting at each other again.
:* [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-expects-israel-iran-ceasefire-last-forever-rcna214660 &quot;Trump says he expects the Israel-Iran ceasefire will last 'forever'&quot;] ''NBC News'' (June 24, 2025)

* We have no inflation.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/25/politics/fact-check-trump-nato-conference &quot;Fact-checking Trump’s NATO news conference&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 25, 2025)

* I've talked to Putin a lot and he's actually been very kind.
** [https://www.gazetaexpress.com/en/He%27s-a-good-guy.-Trump-announces-talks-with-Zelensky--praises-Putin-as-very-kind./ &quot;'He's a good guy': Trump announces talks with Zelensky, praises Putin as 'very kind'&quot;] ''Gazeta Express'' (June 25, 2025)

==== July 2025 ====
* This bill rescues over 2 billion family farms from the so-called estate tax or the death tax.
** Claimed about the &quot;Big Beautiful Bill&quot;, quoted in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-loses-it-claims-2-35498032 &quot;Trump 'loses it' as he claims 2 billion farms have been rescued then outright lies over taxes&quot;] ''Irish Star'' (July 3, 2025)

* ''Claimed about his &quot;big beautiful bill&quot;:''
: It’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed,
:* [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/fact-check-trump-bill-unpopular &quot;Fact check: Trump falsely claims his highly unpopular big bill is the ‘single most popular bill ever signed’&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*We made promises, and it’s really promises made, promises kept, and we’ve kept them. There’s a triumph of democracy on the birthday of democracy, and I have to say that the people are happy.
**After signing the One Big Beautiful Bill into law [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/donald-trump-policy-bill-celebration Trump signs his agenda bill, with a flyover and fireworks to mark the occasion] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*I would say firm, but not 100% firm.
**When asked by a reporter whether the new August 1st tariff date was a hard deadline, quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cd0vkl31085o US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries] ''BBC'' (July 7, 2025)

*Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years…. Are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable.&lt;br&gt;I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this, when we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy with what happened in Texas. It just seems like a desecration. 
**Responding to a reporter’s question to Attorney General Pam Bondi regarding Jeffrey Epstein, quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-questions-why-people-talking-164717536.html Trump questions why people are talking about ‘creep’ Epstein - despite his push to release the files ] ''Yahoo News'' (July 8, 2025)

*If a communist gets elected to run New York, it can never be the same, but we have tremendous power at the White House to run places when we have to.&lt;br&gt;New York City will run properly. We’re going to bring New York back.
**After warning against the prospect of Zohran Mamdani winning the New York mayor’s race, quoted in [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-07-08/trump-says-he-s-weighing-federal-takeover-of-washington-dc Trump Says He’s Weighing Federal Takeover of Washington, DC] ''Bloomberg'' (July 8, 2025)[https://archive.is/317Oy#selection-1147.0-1147.59]

*TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 — No extensions will be granted.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-threatens-no-extensions-aug-1-tariff-deadline-what-countries-rcna217536 Trump threatens 'no extensions' on new Aug. 1 tariff deadline, warns of higher import taxes] ''NBC News'' (July 8, 2025)

*We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening. We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD, and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein….One year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the “HOTTEST” Country anywhere in the World. Let’s keep it that way, and not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/12/politics/bondi-epstein-investigation-trump Trump defends Bondi amid MAGA fallout over her handling of Epstein investigation] ''CNN'' (July 13, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114842356238631061]

*I speak to him a lot about getting this thing done. And I always hang up and say, well, that was a nice phone call. And then missiles are launched into Kyiv or some other city. And I said, strange. And after that happens three or four times, you say the talk doesn't mean anything.
**Referring to his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine war, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/transcripts/nx-s1-5467304 Trump announces new weapon plan for Ukraine, threatens Russia with tariffs] ''NPR'' (July 14, 2025)

*Very good. Because I won. It's good to win. You heard I won, right? Did you hear I won? I like to win.
**When asked how the golf tournament was after winning the Senior Club Championship at his course outside of West Palm Beach, Florida [https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/news/trump/2025/07/14/trump-golf-championship-new-jersey-bedminster/85190196007/ Trump claims another golf championship, his fifth this year, at his New Jersey club] ''The Palm Beach Post'' (July 14, 2025)
 
* I go home, I tell the first lady, ‘I spoke to Vladimir today, we had a wonderful conversation.’ And she says, ‘Oh really, another city was just hit’
** Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/melania-trump-russia-ukraine-b2789171.html &quot;How Melania Trump emerged as one of Zelensky’s key allies in the White House&quot;] ''The Independent'' (July 15, 2025)

* No, no. She's [Pam Bondi] uh, she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the various things that they've seen. And I would say that, you know, these files [Jeffrey Epstein files] were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up but, the Biden, uh, you know, and we went through years of that.
** Donald Trump answering a reporter's question on wether Donald Trump's name appeared in the Jeffrey Epstein files. [https://apnews.com/article/trump-epstein-conspiracy-theories-bondi-bongino-fbi-a143076353acbc1193cb9697e7fc4a90 With Epstein conspiracy theories, Trump faces a crisis of his own making]

[[File:Epstein Final Mugshot.png|thumb|I have had more [[success]] in 6 months than perhaps any [[President]] in our Country’s [[history]], and all these [[people]] want to talk about, with strong prodding by the [[Fake news|Fake News]] and the success starved [[Democratic Party (United States)|Dems]], is the [[Jeffrey Epstein]] Hoax.]]
*The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Just like with the FAKE and fully discredited Steele Dossier, the lying 51 “Intelligence” Agents, the Laptop from Hell, which the Dems swore had come from Russia (No, it came from Hunter Biden’s bathroom!), and even the Russia, Russia, Russia Scam itself, a totally fake and made up story used in order to hide Crooked Hillary Clinton’s big loss in the 2016 Presidential Election, these Scams and Hoaxes are all the Democrats are good at… Their new SCAM is what we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax, and my PAST supporters have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker. They haven’t learned their lesson, and probably never will, even after being conned by the Lunatic Left for 8 long years. I have had more success in 6 months than perhaps any President in our Country’s history, and all these people want to talk about, with strong prodding by the Fake News and the success starved Dems, is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax. Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!
**''Truth Social'' post cutting ties with any MAGA supporters who still want answers in the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/trump-melts-down-over-epstein-hoax-slams-supporters-who-believe-this-bullsht-i-dont-want-their-support-anymore/ Trump Melts Down Over Epstein ‘Hoax,’ Slams Supporters Who Believe ‘This Bullsh*t’: ‘I Don’t Want Their Support Anymore!’] ''Mediaite'' (July 16, 2025)

*I know it’s a hoax. It was started by Democrats. It’s been run by the Democrats for four years ... it’s perpetrated by the Democrats and some stupid Republicans and foolish Republicans fall into the net, and so they try and do the Democrats’ work.
**When asked by a reporter if he has evidence to support his claim that the fervor over Jeffrey Epstein, who died from suicide in a Manhattan jail cell during his first term, is part of a Democratic “hoax” against him, reported in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-epstein-file-response-republicans-b2790269.html Trump attacks ‘stupid Republicans’ for wanting Epstein files released] ''Independent'' (July 16, 2025)

*No, no, she's -- she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the different things that they've seen, and I would say that, you know, these files were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up by the Biden -- and you know, we and we went through years of that with the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax, with all of the different things that we had to go through.
**When asked by a reporter if Pam Bondi told him his name appeared in the Epstein files [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/whatever-she-thinks-is-credible-trump-reacts-again-on-epstein-files-says-pam-bondi-has-handled-it-very-well/articleshow/122535035.cms 'Whatever she thinks is credible': Trump reacts again on Epstein files; says Pam Bondi has 'handled it very well'] ''Times of India'' (July 16, 2025)

*He’s a terrible Fed chair. I was surprised he was appointed. I was surprised, frankly, that Biden put him in and extended him.
**Regarding Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell whom Donald Trump appointed in 2017 [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-says-was-surprised-jerome-powell-fed-chair-appointed-was-appoint-rcna219162 Trump says he was surprised that Jerome Powell, the Fed chair he appointed, was appointed] MSNBC (July 16, 2025)

*I have asked the Justice Department to release all Grand Jury testimony with respect to Jeffrey Epstein, subject only to Court Approval. With that being said, and even if the Court gave its full and unwavering approval, nothing will be good enough for the troublemakers and radical left lunatics making the request. It will always be more, more, more.
**From ''Truth Social'' reported in [https://dnyuz.com/2025/07/19/trump-savages-lunatics-demanding-epstein-files-release/ Trump Savages ‘Lunatics’ Demanding Epstein Files Release] ''DNYUZ'' (July 19, 2025)
  
* We’re gonna get the drug prices down — not 30% or 40%, which would be great. Not 50% or 60%. No, we’re gonna get them down 1,000%, 600%, 500%, 1,500%.
* Something that nobody else can do.
* Numbers that are not even thought to be achievable.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/prescription-drug-costs-trump-flunks-arithmetic-embarrassing-fashion-rcna220508 &quot;On prescription drug costs, Trump flunks arithmetic in embarrassing fashion&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (July 23, 2025)

* Every time they give you a question that's not appropriate, just say 'by the way, Obama cheated on the election.'
** [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/mikey-smith-8-unhinged-donald-35606610 &quot;MIKEY SMITH: 8 unhinged Donald Trump moments as he scrambles to distract from Epstein scandal&quot;] ''Mirror'' (July 23, 2025)

*I never had the privilege of going to his island, and I did turn him down. But a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island. In one of my very good moments, I turned it down. I didn’t want to go to his island.
**In reference to the late Jeffrey Epstein's island where underage girls were made available to Epstein and his guests [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5423583-trump-rejects-epstein-island-offer/ Trump says he turned down offer to go to Epstein island: ‘One of my very good moments’] ''The Hill'' (July 28, 2025)

* I'm not a fan of your mayor. I think he's done a terrible job, the mayor of London... a nasty person.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx2q5pjk4zko &quot;Trump takes another swipe at London's mayor&quot;] ''BBC'' (July 28, 2025)

* We stopped about five wars.
** Claimed without providing details or evidence, quoted in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-boasts-he-stopped-about-five-wars-while-opening-new-scotland-golf-course-vows-work-with-netanyahu &quot;Trump boasts he 'stopped about five wars' while opening new Scotland golf course, vows to work with Netanyahu&quot;] ''FOX News'' (July 29, 2025)

* I know better than anybody about sanctions and tariffs and everything else.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/31/politics/russia-sanctions-trump-witkoff-ukraine &quot;Trump says Witkoff will travel to Russia, affirms plans for new sanctions&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 31, 2025)

*Tariffs are making America GREAT &amp; RICH Again... Now the tide has completely turned, and America has successfully countered this onslaught of Tariffs used against it. ONE YEAR AGO, AMERICA WAS A DEAD COUNTRY, NOW IT IS THE “HOTTEST” COUNTRY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.scrippsnews.com/politics/with-trade-deadline-nearing-court-case-could-define-trumps-tariff-authority With trade deadline nearing, court case could define Trump's tariff authority] ''Scripps News'' (July 31, 2025)

* They've wanted [[w:White House State Ballroom|a ballroom at the White House]] for more than 150 years, but there's never been a president that was good at ballrooms. I'm really good.
**On the White House ballroom project (31 July 2025), as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-white-house-ballroom-construction/ &quot;Trump said new White House ballroom construction wouldn't 'interfere with the current building'&quot; by Joey Esposito, ''Snopes'' (21 October 2025)]; also in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-building-new-200-million-ballroom-white-house/story?id=124254902 &quot;Trump is building a new $200 million ballroom at the White House&quot; ''ABC News'' (July 31, 2025)]

==== August 2025 ====
*I was just informed that our Country’s ‘Jobs Numbers’ are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr. Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s [Harris’] chances of Victory... We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified.
**Fires the Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner, Erika McEntarfer, in a ''Truth Social'' post immediately after the agency reported job growth in the U.S. had slowed to a near-halt, reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/01/trump-erika-mcentarfer-jobs-report-fired.html Trump fires commissioner of labor statistics after weaker-than-expected jobs figures slam markets] ''CNBC'' (August 1st, 2025)

*If Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican, I think her ad is fantastic.
**[https://deadline.com/2025/08/donald-trump-sydney-sweeneys-american-eagle-ads-1236477752/ Trump Hails Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Ads After Reports Actress Is Registered Republican] ''Deadline'' (August 4, 2025)

* One of the things they're going to be talking about pretty soon are the tremendous drop in drug prices. You know, we've cut drug prices by 1,200, 1,300, 1,400, 1,500 percent. I don't mean 50 percent. I mean 14-, 1,500 percent.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-doubles-down-impossible-drug-price-cuts-2108365 &quot;Donald Trump Doubles Down on Mathematically Impossible Drug Price Cuts&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (August 4, 2025)

*We have an opportunity in Texas to pick up five [congressional] seats. We have a really good governor, and we have good people in Texas. And I won Texas. I got the highest vote in the history of Texas, as you probably know, and we are entitled to five more seats.
**Regarding the recently proposed congressional state map that, if passed by the state’s legislature, would boost the Republican party’s chances of maintaining control of the House in the 2026 midterms [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/08/05/trump-texas-redistricting-00493624 Trump on Texas redistricting: ‘We are entitled to 5 more seats’] ''Politico'' (August 5, 2025)

* I have poll numbers where I’m 71 percent. I have the best poll numbers.
* Among Republicans, 94 and 95 percent. 
* Fox gives me terrible polls all the time, you know, they do nothing, but they… I’ve never had a good poll with Fox. 
** [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/trump-loses-it-on-cnbc-when-hosts-fact-check-insane-approval-rating-whopper-nbc-is-the-worst/ &quot;Trump Loses It on CNBC When Hosts Fact Check Insane Approval Rating Whopper: NBC Is the ‘Worst’&quot;] ''Mediaite'' (August 5, 2025)

*And that’s a gift. That’s not like, you know, a loan, by the way. That’s not a loan that, ‘Oh, gee, three years comes up. We have to pay it back.’ There’s nothing to pay back. They gave us $600 billion that we can invest in anything we want. ... [T]here are no details. The details are $600 billion to invest in anything I want. Anything. I can do anything I want.
**Claiming the European Union was giving the United States a $600 billion gift that turned out to be untrue [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trumps-claim-600-billion-gift-european-union-quietly-falls-apart-rcna226564 Trump’s claim about a $600 billion ‘gift’ from the European Union quietly falls apart] ''MSNBC'' (August 5, 2025)[https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/05/cnbc-transcript-president-of-the-united-states-donald-trump-speaks-with-cnbcs-squawk-box-today-.html]

*I have to say that somebody from DOGE was very badly hurt… A young man who was beat up by a bunch of thugs in DC, and either they’re gonna straighten their act out in the terms of government and in terms of protection or we’re gonna have to federalize and run it the way it’s supposed to be run.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/06/politics/trump-federal-take-over-dc-doge-coristine-assault Trump reignites threat to take over DC after former DOGE worker assaulted in attempted carjacking] ''CNN'' (August 6, 2025)

* [[Stephen Colbert | Colbert]] has no talent. I mean, I could take anybody here. I could go outside in the beautiful streets and pick a couple of people that do just as well or better. They’d get higher ratings than he did. He’s got no talent.&lt;br&gt;[[Jimmy Fallon | Fallon]] has no talent. [[Jimmy Kimmel | Kimmel]] has no talent. They’re next. They’re going to be going. I hear they’re going to be going. I don’t know, but I would imagine because they’d get—you know, Colbert has better ratings than Kimmel or Fallon.
* It’s really good to see them go, and I hope I played a major part in it!
** Claimed after the popular late night show hosts and comedians criticised the policies of Trump, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2025/08/07/media/trump-repeats-claim-kimmel-fallon-are-next-after-stephen-colbert-cancellation/ &quot;Trump repeats claim Kimmel, Fallon are ‘next’ after Stephen Colbert cancellation&quot;] ''New York Post'' (August 7, 2025)

* IT'S MIDNIGHT! BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN TARIFFS ARE NOW FLOWING INTO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
** Claimed about tariffs paid by US importers, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-tariffs-latest-round-takes-effect-thursday-august-7-2025-rcna223461 &quot;New tariffs snap into effect, raising import taxes to highest level since Great Depression&quot;] ''NBC News'' (August 7, 2025)

*…I direct the Secretary of Defense to mobilize the District of Columbia National Guard and order members to active service, in such numbers as he deems necessary, to address the epidemic of crime in our Nation’s capital.  The mobilization and duration of duty shall remain in effect until I determine that conditions of law and order have been restored in the District of Columbia.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/08/restoring-law-and-order-in-the-district-of-columbia/ RESTORING LAW AND ORDER IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA] The White House (August 11, 2025)

*This is liberation day in D.C. and we’re going to take our capital back. We’re taking it back. Under the authorities vested in me as the president of the United States, I’m officially invoking section 740 of the District of Columbia Home Rule Act — you know what that is — and placing the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department under direct federal control.
**[https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-places-dc-police-under-151649421.html Trump Places DC Police Under Federal Control: ‘We’re Going to Take Our Capital Back’] ''Yahoo News'' (August 11, 2025)

*See, they fight back until you knock the hell out of them, because it’s the only language they understand...&lt;br&gt;You spit and we hit. And they’re standing there and people are spitting in their face and they’re not allowed to do anything. But &lt;b&gt;now they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want&lt;/b&gt;.
**Giving police permission to use whatever means of violence they want against Washington DC citizens, reported in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-takeover-dc-police-crime-b2807175.html Trump told cops to do ‘whatever the hell they want’ to fix DC. Here’s why that’s ‘extremely dangerous’] ''Independent'' (August 11, 2025)

* I don’t like being up here, talking about how unsafe and how dirty and disgusting this once-beautiful capital was.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-mistook-alaska-russia-yes-192134848.html &quot;Trump Thought Alaska Was Russia, And The Internet Is Having An Absolute Field Day With It&quot;] ''Yahoo News / Buzzfeed'' (August 11, 2025)

*  I’m going to see Putin. I’m going to Russia on Friday.
** [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-meeting-russia-alaska-ukraine-war-b2805880.html &quot;‘I’m going to Russia’: Trump appears to forget Alaska is in US as he frets over facing Putin&quot;] ''The Independent'' (August 12, 2025)

*Our Economy is booming, and E.J. will ensure that the Numbers released are HONEST and ACCURATE.
**Regarding his nomination of economist and contributor to Project 2025, E.J. Antoni, as the new Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-picks-heritage-economist-antoni-lead-us-labor-statistics-agency-2025-08-11/ Trump picks Heritage economist Antoni to lead US labor statistics agency] ''Reuters'' (August 12, 2025)

*There’s no deal until there’s a deal.
**After meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Anchorage, Alaska regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine War, [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/live-blog/trump-putin-summit-alaska-ukraine-war-russia-peace-live-updates-rcna224983 Trump-Putin summit ends without a deal on Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (August 15, 2025)

* Vladimir Putin said something – one of the most interesting things. He said: ‘Your election was rigged because you have [[w:Postal voting | mail-in voting]] … No country has mail-in voting. It’s impossible to have mail-in voting and have honest elections.’*
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/aug/16/love-in-a-cold-climate-putin-romances-trump-in-alaska-with-talk-of-rigged-elections-and-a-trip-to-moscow &quot;Love in a cold climate: Putin romances Trump in Alaska with talk of rigged elections and a trip to Moscow&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (August 16, 2025)

* I want to see a ceasefire rapidly.  I don’t know if it’s going to be today. But I’m not going to be happy if it’s not today.
** Said about the ongoing Russian warfare against Ukraine, quoted in [https://time.com/7309902/trump-putin-meeting-ultimatum-ceasefire-talks/ &quot;Trump Says No Deal Reached With Putin as Alaska Summit Ends Earlier Than Expected&quot;] ''Time Magazine'' (August 16, 2025)

* If I got Russia to give up Moscow as part of the Deal, the Fake News, and their PARTNER, the Radical Left Democrats, would say I made a terrible mistake and a very bad deal.  That’s why they are the FAKE NEWS!
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-if-i-got-russia-to-give-up-moscow-truth-social_n_68a1df07e4b07702299b5342 &quot;Trump Writes Post About Moscow That's Absurd Even For Him&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (August 17, 2025)

* The very unattractive (both inside and out!) Senator from Connecticut, Chris Murphy, said ‘Putin got everything that he wanted.’ Actually, ‘nobody got anything,’ too soon, but getting close. Murphy is a lightweight who thinks it made the Russian President look good in coming to America.
: Actually, it was very hard for President Putin to do so. This war can be ended, NOW, but stupid people like Chris Murphy, John Bolton, and others, make it much harder to do so.
:* [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-blasts-lightweight-dem-senator-who-criticized-putin-summit-alaska-stupid &quot;Trump blasts 'lightweight' Dem senator who criticized Putin summit in Alaska: 'Stupid'&quot;] ''FOX News'' (August 18, 2025)

[[File:Scourged back by McPherson &amp; Oliver, 1863, colourised.jpg|thumb|[[Smithsonian Institution|The Smithsonian]] is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible [[United States|our Country]] is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]].]]
* The Fake News has been saying for 3 days that I suffered a ‘major defeat’ by allowing President Vladimir Putin of Russia to have a major Summit in the United States.  Actually, he would have loved doing the meeting anywhere else but the U.S., and the Fake News knows this.
** Claimed about Vladimir Putin, who is subject to an [https://www.icc-cpi.int/news/situation-ukraine-icc-judges-issue-arrest-warrants-against-vladimir-vladimirovich-putin-and arrest warrant] that in most of the developed, democratic countries would have made him be arrested and sent to the International Criminal Court in Hague for prosecution for war crimes.  Quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5457134-trump-putin-summit-criticism/ &quot;Trump criticizes ‘fake news,’ Democrat, Zelensky in series of posts&quot;] ''The Hill'' (August 17, 2025)

* ''Said about Melania Trump and the son that Donald and Melania have together:''
: She’s got a great love of children, she has a wonderful son that she loves probably more than anybody, including me, I hate to say it,
:* [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-melania-barron-b2809877.html &quot;Trump admits that Melania loves Barron more than him: ‘I hate to say it’&quot;] ''Independent'' (August 18, 2025)

* Bela
** [https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/a-new-covfefe-donald-trumps-latest-one-word-post-confuses-internet-9105612 &quot;A New Covfefe? Donald Trump's Latest One-Word Post Confuses Internet&quot;] ''NDTV'' (August 18, 2025)

* The [[Museums]] throughout [[Washington D. C.|Washington]], but all over [[United States|the Country]] are, essentially, the last remaining segment of &quot;[[w:Woke|WOKE]].&quot; The Smithsonian is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible our Country is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]]. We are not going to allow this to happen, and I have instructed my [[attorneys]] to go through the [[Museums]], and start the exact same process that has been done with Colleges and [[Universities]] where tremendous progress has been made. This Country cannot be WOKE because WOKE IS BROKE. We have the “HOTTEST” Country in the World, and we want people to talk about it, including in our Museums.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115056914674717313 ''Truthsocial.com'' posting (August 19, 2025)]

* I want to try and get to heaven if possible…. I'm hearing I'm not doing well. …I am really at the bottom of the totem pole. But if I can get to heaven, this will be one of the reasons.
**Speaking on ''Fox and Friends'' regarding his desire to bring an end to the Russia-Ukraine War [https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/trump-tells-fox-hosts-hes-1338143 &quot;Donald Trump shares fears he won't go to heaven as he says he's 'not doing well'&quot;] '' The Mirror US'' (August 19, 2025)[https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-heaven-fears-health-1339753]

* When you go to a voting booth, and you do it the right way, and you go to a state that runs it properly, you go in -- they even asked me, they asked me for my license plate. I said, 'I don't know if I have it.' They said, 'Sir, you have to have it.' I was very impressed actually.&quot;
** [https://www.jalopnik.com/1944138/trump-claims-license-plate-voting/ &quot;Trump Claims He Was Asked For His License Plate At The Voting Booth&quot;] ''Jalopnink'' (August 19, 2025)

* MSNBC IS DOING SO POORLY IN THE RATINGS THAT THEY ARE LOOKING TO CHANGE THEIR NAME IN ORDER TO GET AWAY FROM THE STENCH OF THEIR FAKE NEWS PRODUCT.  SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH THEIR WEAK AND INEFFECTIVE OWNER, ‘CONCAST,’ HEADED BY DOPEY BRIAN ROBERTS, HOPELESSLY AND AIMLESSLY FLAILING IN THE WIND IN AN ATTEMPT TO DISASSOCIATE ITSELF FROM THE GARBAGE THAT THEY CREATED! MSNBC IS A FAILURE BY ANY NAME!!!”
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1210320/trump-cankles-truth-social-msnbc-lawrence-odonnell-video/ &quot;Trump Rants Against MSNBC After Lawrence O’Donnell Mocks His ‘Cankle’ Issue&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (August 21, 2025)

*They say, ‘we don’t need him, freedom, freedom, he’s a dictator, he’s a dictator.’ A lot of people are saying, ‘Maybe we would like a dictator.’ I don’t like a dictator; I’m not a dictator. I’m a man with great common sense, and I’m a smart person.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-dictator-crime-cities-b2813664.html Trump insists he is not a dictator - but claims that many people think the US could use one] ''Independent'' (August 25, 2025)

*Despite a very high popularity and, according to many, among the greatest 8 months in Presidential History, ABC &amp; NBC FAKE NEWS, two of the worst and most biased networks in history, give me 97% BAD STORIES. IF THAT IS THE CASE, THEY ARE SIMPLY AN ARM OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY AND SHOULD, ACCORDING TO MANY, HAVE THEIR LICENSES REVOKED BY THE FCC. I would be totally in favor of that because they are so biased and untruthful, an actual threat to our Democracy!!!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-media-nbc-abc-fcc-license-revoked-fees-2118632 Trump Calls For 'Fake News' Networks To Have Licenses Revoked by FCC] ''Newsweek'' (August 25, 2025)

* Except what is written and broadcast in the Fake News, I now have the highest poll numbers I’ve ever had, some in the 60’s and even 70’s.
** [https://www.nj.com/politics/2025/08/trump-keeps-boasting-about-his-popularity-but-where-does-he-really-stand.html &quot;Trump keeps boasting about his popularity. But where does he really stand?&quot;] ''NJ.com'' (August 25, 2025)

* If you burn a flag, you get one year in jail; no early exits, no nothing.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/8/25/trump-bans-burning-of-us-flag-in-defiance-of-constitutional-protections &quot;Trump bans burning of US flag in defiance of constitutional protections&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (August 25, 2025)

* WHAT IS GOING ON IN SOUTH KOREA? Seems like a Purge or Revolution. We can’t have that and do business there.
** [https://eu.detroitnews.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/25/trump-claims-purge-or-revolution-in-south-korea-ahead-of-meeting-with-new-leader/85820943007/ &quot;Trump claims 'Purge or Revolution' in South Korea ahead of meeting with new leader&quot;] ''Detroit News'' (August 25, 2025)

*And I don't like getting into looks. You know, looks don't mean anything, right? When you're in politics, looks don't matter.&lt;br&gt;Look at Pam, I would never say she was beautiful because that would be the end of my political career.
**[https://www.irishstar.com/news/politics/breaking-donald-trump-makes-creepy-35530513 Donald Trump makes 'creepy' flirty comment toward Pam Bondi during Cabinet meeting] ''Irish Star'' (August 26, 2025)

*The Department of Defense… It didn’t sound good — defense. Why are we on defense? So it used to be called the Department of War, and it had a stronger sound. And as you know, we won World War I. We won World War II. We won everything. Now we have a Department of Defense. We’re defenders.&lt;br&gt; I think Department of War, it just sounded better. We want defense, but we want offense too, if that’s OK. So you’ll make a decision. But you know, as Department of War, we won everything.
**[https://indianexpress.com/article/world/trump-renaming-pentagon-department-of-war-10212728/ Trump wants to rename Department of Defense as ‘Department of War’: ‘It has a stronger sound’] ''The Indian Express'' (August 26, 2025)

* Baltimore is a hellhole.
** [https://www.fox13now.com/politics/the-president/trump-calls-baltimore-a-hellhole-during-cabinet-meeting &quot;Trump calls Baltimore a 'hellhole' during cabinet meeting&quot;] ''Fox 13'' (August 26, 2025)

* I have the right to do anything I want to do. I'm the president of the United States. If I think our country is in danger, and it is in danger in these cities, I can do it.
** [https://rollcall.com/2025/08/27/the-u-s-system-always-had-loopholes-trump-2-0-exploits-what-others-resisted/ The US system always had loopholes. Trump 2.0 exploits what others resisted] ''Roll Call'' (August 26, 2025)

* There is a sick rumour going around that Fake News NBC extended the contract of one of the least talented late-night television hosts out there, Seth Meyers. He has no Ratings, Talent, or Intelligence, and the Personality of an insecure child.  So, why would Fake News NBC extend this dope’s contract. I don’t know, but I’ll definitely be finding out!!!
** [https://www.livemint.com/news/us-news/after-stephen-colbert-donald-trump-now-targets-seth-meyers-host-of-late-night-personality-of-an-insecure-child-11756289725956.html &quot;After Stephen Colbert, Donald Trump now targets Seth Meyers, host of ‘Late Night’: ‘Personality of an insecure child’&quot;] ''Mint'' (August 27, 2025)

* I’m sure that Ukraine thought they were going to win, you’re going to beat someone that’s 15 times your size ... you don’t go into a war that’s 15 times your size.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-repeats-favourite-kremlin-talking-113114361.html &quot;Trump Repeats His Favourite Kremlin Talking Point In Latest Anti-Ukraine Outburst&quot;] ''Yahoo / Huffington Post'' (August 27, 2025)

*Today a Highly Partisan Appeals Court incorrectly said that our Tariffs should be removed, but they know the United States of America will win in the end. If these Tariffs ever went away, it would be a total disaster for the Country. It would make us financially weak, and we have to be strong…. For many years, Tariffs were allowed to be used against us by our uncaring and unwise Politicians. Now, with the help of the United States Supreme Court, we will use them to the benefit of our Nation, and Make America Rich, Strong, and Powerful Again!
**[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/29/most-trump-tariffs-are-not-legal-us-appeals-court-rules/85895611007/ Most Trump tariffs are illegal, appeals court rules, setting up Supreme Court showdown] ''USA Today'' (August 29, 2025)

==== September 2025 ====

*NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE
**In response to questions about his health (bruised hands, swollen ankles, crooked gait) and lack of recent public appearances [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-health-rumors-response-truth-social-b2817486.html Trump claps back after weekend of speculation about his health: ‘Never felt better in my life’] ''The Independent'' (September 1, 2025)[https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/international/global-trends/why-is-trump-struggling-to-walk-in-a-straight-line-new-questions-erupt-over-us-presidents-health-after-summit-with-putin/articleshow/123331093.cms]

*The problem I have with Colorado, one of the big problems, is they do mail-in voting. They went to all mail-in voting, so they have automatically crooked elections and we can’t have that. When a state is for mail-in voting that means they want dishonest elections because that’s what that means.
**One of the reasons given for moving U.S. Space Command headquarters from Colorado to Alabama [https://www.msn.com/en-nz/news/other/trump-ends-turf-war-and-will-move-space-command-hq-to-alabama-from-colorado/ar-AA1LJwJY Trump ends turf war and will move Space Command HQ to Alabama from Colorado] ''MSN'' (September 2, 2025)

* I used, at the White House, the most beautiful marble and stone available anywhere. Surfaces are very important to me as a Builder. As everyone knows, I built many GREAT Buildings, and other things, over the years. At the White House, I am very proud of the beautiful stonework we did in the Rose Garden, in this case, using limestone plus. The Rose Garden is completed, and far more beautiful than anyone ever had in mind when it was conceived of decades ago. Three days ago, while admiring the stonework, I happened to notice a huge gash in the limestone that extended more than 25 yards long. It was deep and nasty! I started yelling, “Who did this, and I want to find out now!” — And I didn’t say this in a nice manner. I wondered, “Was it vandalism or, was it stupidity?” Lo and behold, because of the fact that we’ve installed the finest security equipment anywhere, they brought back the stupid people, with their boss watching (in sunglasses!). It was a subcontractor that was installing heavy landscaping on a steel cart that was broken and tilting badly, with it rubbing hard against the soft, beautiful stone. I love and respect great workers and contractors but something like this should never happen. Now, I’ll replace the stone, charge the contractor, and never let that contractor work at the White House again — But, how great is the video equipment? We caught them, cold. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a65961231/trump-rose-garden-truth-social/ &quot;Trump Caught Whoever Scraped Up the Renovated White House Rose Garden&quot;] ''Esquire'' (September 2, 2025)

*I want to try and get to Heaven
**From a campaign fundraising email asking supporters to contribute $15 during a 24-hour fundraising blitz [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-heaven-donations-2123679 Donald Trump Asks For $15 Donations to 'Get to Heaven'] ''Newsweek'' (September 3, 2025)

* Without the United States, everything in the world would die.
* We get along with India very well.
** [https://www.businesstoday.in/world/us/story/without-us-everything-in-world-would-die-trump-defends-his-tariffs-as-war-settler-492175-2025-09-03 &quot;'Without US, everything in world would die': Trump defends his tariffs as 'war settler'&quot;] ''Business Today'' (September 3, 2025)

* Looks like we've lost India and Russia to deepest, darkest China. May they have a long and prosperous future together!
** [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/weve-lost-india-russia-to-deepest-darkest-china-donald-trumps-latest-9222384 &quot;&quot;We've Lost India, Russia To Deepest, Darkest China&quot;: Donald Trump's Latest&quot;] ''NDTV'' (September 5, 2025)

* At least 54 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend, 8 people were killed. The last two weekends were similar.  &lt;b&gt;Chicago is the worst and most dangerous city in the World, by far&lt;/b&gt;. Pritzker needs help badly, he just doesn’t know it yet. I will solve the crime problem fast.  
* ‘I love the smell of deportations in the morning...’ &lt;b&gt;Chicago about to find out why it’s called the Department of WAR.&lt;/b&gt;
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/donald-trump-threatens-chicago-deportations-department-war-crackdown-rcna229544 &quot;'Chipocalypse Now': Trump threatens Chicago with deportations and Department of War ahead of potential crackdown&quot;] ''NBC News'' (September 6, 2025)&lt;/ref&gt;

* Our great West Point (getting greater all the time!) has smartly cancelled the Award Ceremony for actor Tom Hanks. Important move! We don’t need destructive, WOKE recipients getting our cherished American Awards!!! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/08/trump-tom-hanks-woke &quot;Trump attacks Tom Hanks after West Point cancels event honoring actor&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

* Look, you have some vaccines that are so amazing, the polio vaccine I happen to think is amazing. A lot of people think that Covid is amazing. You know there are many people that believe strongly in that. But you have some vaccines that are so incredible, and I think you have to be very careful when you say that some people don't have to be vaccinated. It's a very, you know, it's a very tough position, so I'll give you an answer. I'll give you the feeling, but just initially I heard about it yesterday and it's a tough stance. Look, you have vaccines that work. They just pure and simple work. They're not controversial at all, and I think those vaccine should be used. Otherwise some people are going to catch it and they endanger other people, and when you don’t have controversy at all, I think people should take it.
** Responding to the proposed removal of vaccination mandates in Florida. &quot;[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/14/florida-vaccine-joseph-ladapo-trump Florida vaccine mandate rollback falters after Trump criticism]&quot;, ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

*Things that take place in the home, they call crime. They’ll do anything they can to find something. &lt;b&gt;If a man has a little fight with the wife, they say this was a crime scene.&lt;/b&gt;
**Expressing frustration that domestic violence incidents are counted as part of city-wide crime totals, thus raising the number of verified crimes in Washington DC [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-domestic-violence-crime-statistics-b2822877.html ‘A little fight with the wife’: Trump suggests domestic violence should not be counted in official crime statistics] ''Independent'' (September 9, 2025)

*It’s long past time for all Americans and the media to confront the fact that violence and murder are the tragic consequence of demonizing those with whom you disagree day after day, year after year, in the most hateful and despicable way possible. 
**[https://time.com/7316299/charlie-kirk-shot-death-donald-trump-speech-transcript-political-violence/ ‘A Dark Moment for America’: Trump Responds to Charlie Kirk’s Death] ''Time'' (September 10, 2025)

*I tell you something that is going to get me in trouble, but I couldn’t care less. The radicals on the right are radical because they don’t want to see crime … The radicals on the left are the problem – and they are vicious and horrible and politically savvy. They want men in women’s sports, they want transgender for everyone, they want open borders. The worst thing that happened to this country.
**In response to Ainsley Earhardt’s questions, “How do we fix this country? How do we come back together?” following the shooting death of Charlie Kirk [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/12/trump-fox-friends-charlie-kirk-shooting Trump declines to call for unity after Charlie Kirk killing in stunning move] ''The Guardian'' (September 12, 2025)

*I have read someplace that the networks were 97% against me, again, 97% negative, and yet I won and easily, all seven swing states. ... They give me only bad publicity, press. I mean, they’re getting a license. I would think maybe their license should be taken away….&lt;br&gt;When you have a network and you have evening shows, and all they do is hit Trump. That’s all they do. If you go back, I guess they haven’t had a conservative on in years or something somebody said. But when you go back, take a look, all they do is hit Trump. They’re licensed. They’re not allowed to do that. They’re an arm of the Democrat Party.
**Speaking to reporters aboard Air Force One [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/not-allowed-trump-makes-ridiculous-new-claims-media-critics-free-press-rcna232231 ‘Not allowed’: Trump makes ridiculous new claims about media critics and the free press] MSNBC (September 18, 2025)

*He was a missionary with a noble spirit and a great, great purpose. He did not hate his opponents. He wanted the best for them. That’s where I disagreed with Charlie. I &lt;i&gt;hate&lt;/i&gt; my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them. I’m sorry.
**Speaking at Charlie Kirk memorial service [https://time.com/7319196/charlie-kirk-funeral-trump-watch/ Trump Says Kirk ‘Did Not Hate His Opponents … That’s Where I Disagreed With Charlie’ at Funeral for Conservative Activist] ''Time'' (September 21, 2025)

*Acetaminophen. Is that okay? Which is basically, commonly known as Tylenol. Can be associated with a very increased risk of autism. So taking Tylenol is not good. I’ll say it, it’s not good.

* '''Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.''' But with Tylenol, don't take it. Don't take it. And if you can't live, if your fever is so bad, you have to take one because there's no alternative to that. Sadly. First question, &quot;What can you take instead?&quot; It's actually, there's not an alternative to that. And as you know, other of the medicines are absolutely proven bad. I mean, they've been proven bad with the aspirins and the Advils and others, right? And they've been proven bad.
**At a press conference along with members of his administration [[Robert Francis Kennedy, Jr.]] and [[Mehmet Oz]], [https://singjupost.com/transcript-trump-rfk-jr-and-dr-oz-on-autism-rates-and-tylenol/ Transcript: Trump, RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz on Autism Rates and Tylenol] ''The Singju Post'' (September 22, 2025)

*I ended seven wars, dealt with the leaders of each and every one of these countries, and never even received a phone call from the United Nations offering to help in finalizing the deal. All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that on the way up stopped right in the middle. If the First Lady wasn't in great shape, she would've fallen. But she's in great shape. We're both in good shape, we both stood. And then a teleprompter that didn't work. These are the two things I got from the United Nations, a bad escalator and a bad teleprompter. Thank you very much....&lt;/br&gt;According to the Council of Europe, in 2024, almost 50% of inmates in German prisons were foreign nationals or migrants. In Austria, the number was 53% of the people in prisons were from places that weren't from where they are now. In Greece, the number was 54%. And in Switzerland, beautiful Switzerland, 72% of the people in prisons are from outside of Switzerland. When your prisons are filled with so-called asylum seekers who repaid kindness, and that's what they did, they repaid kindness with crime, it's time to end the failed experiment of open borders. You have to end it now. I see it, I can tell you. I'm really good at this stuff. Your countries are going to hell. In America, we've taken bold action to swiftly shut down uncontrolled migration. Once we started detaining and deporting everyone who crossed the border and removing illegal aliens from the United States, they simply stopped coming. They're not coming anymore.
**[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-at-un Speech to the United Nations] (September 23, 2025)

* I can’t believe ABC Fake News gave Jimmy Kimmel his job back. The White House was told by ABC that his Show was cancelled! Something happened between then and now because his audience is GONE, and his “talent” was never there. Why would they want someone back who does so poorly, who’s not funny, and who puts the Network in jeopardy by playing 99% positive Democrat GARBAGE. He is yet another arm of the DNC and, to the best of my knowledge, that would be a major Illegal Campaign Contribution. I think we’re going to test ABC out on this. Let’s see how we do. Last time I went after them, they gave me $16 Million Dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative. A true bunch of losers! Let Jimmy Kimmel rot in his bad Ratings.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/sep/24/jimmy-kimmel-says-trump-tried-his-best-to-cancel-him-as-his-show-returns-to-air-after-suspension &quot;Jimmy Kimmel says silencing comedians is ‘anti American’, as his show returns to air after suspension&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 24, 2025)

* I’m going to be meeting with generals and with admirals and with leaders, and if I don’t like somebody, I’m going to fire them right on the spot.
* I never walked into a room so silent before.  If you want to applaud, you applaud. You can do anything you want.  If you don’t like what I’m saying, you can leave the room. But there goes your rank and there goes your future.
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-threatens-to-fire-generals-meeting_n_68dbf67fe4b003b6c8dc2d76 &quot;Trump Threatens To Fire Military Leaders ‘On The Spot’ If They Cross Him&quot;] ''Huffignton Post'' (September 30, 2025)

*I hope I never have to use the nuclear arsenal.
**Spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare. 
***''[https://www.ansa.it/sito/notizie/mondo/nordamerica/2025/09/30/trump-spero-di-non-dover-mai-usare-larsenale-nucleare_aa475fa6-b9a4-4b3f-baa7-993c4e608307.html Trump, spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare]'', ''[[w:ANSA|ANSA]].it'', 30 September 2025 (in Italian)

==== October 2025 ====

* I am very proud to announce that [[Israel]] and [[Hamas]] have both signed off on the first Phase of our Peace Plan. This means that ALL of the Hostages will be released very soon, and Israel will withdraw their Troops to an agreed upon line as the first steps toward a Strong, Durable, and Everlasting [[Peace]]. All Parties will be treated fairly!&lt;br /&gt; This is a GREAT Day for the [[Arab]] and [[Muslim]] World, [[Israel]], all surrounding [[Nations]], and the [[United States of America]], and we thank the mediators from [[Qatar]], [[Egypt]], and [[Turkey]], who worked with us to make this [[Historic]] and Unprecedented Event happen. [[Blessings|BLESSED]] ARE THE PEACEMAKERS!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115340993884364431 Post on Truth Social (8 October 2025)] · also the [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-israel-and-hamas-accepting-peace-plan The American Presidency Project]

*After so many years of unceasing war and endless danger, today the skies are calm, the guns are silent, the sirens are still, and the sun rises on a Holy Land that is finally at peace, a land and a region that will live, God willing, in peace for all eternity.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-declares-end-israel-hamas-war-experts-hard/story?id=126482789 Trump declares end of Israel-Hamas war, but experts see the hard work as just beginning] ''ABC News'' (October 14, 2025)

*Over the next few days, it's going to be demolished. Everything out there is coming down, and we're replacing it with one of the most beautiful ballrooms that you've ever seen.
**Regarding the demolition of the [[w:East Wing|East Wing]] of the White House, speaking to donors for the construction of a new ballroom [https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article312585121.html Trump’s East Wing destruction echoes his tactics at Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower] ''Miami Herald'' (October 21, 2025)

*&quot;You're the third best President in the United…&quot; This was on television. &quot;Third best.&quot; And they said, &quot;Who are the first two? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.&quot; And I got extremely angry at this man. You know? It is going to be tough to beat, Mr. Senator... It's going to be very tough to beat Washington and Lincoln, but we're going to give it a try, right?
**Reacting to what a television commentator had said, [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-health-delusion-fears-36114247 Trump's latest rant fuels more health fears as he shows repeated delusion] ''Irish Times'' (October 22, 2025)

==== November 2025 ====

*Why does NBC waste its time and money on a guy like this??? – NO TALENT, NO RATINGS, 100% ANTI TRUMP, WHICH IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL!!!
**Referring to [[Seth Meyers]] in a Truth Social post [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-79-claims-illegal-night-003833952.html Trump, 79, Claims It’s ‘Illegal’ for Late-Night Host to Mock Him] Yahoo! News (November 1, 2025)

*SNAP BENEFITS, which increased by Billions and Billions of Dollars (MANY FOLD!) during Crooked Joe Biden's disastrous term in office, will be given only when the Radical Left Democrats open up government.
**[https://www.axios.com/2025/11/04/trump-snap-after-shutdown-ends?utm_source=chatgpt.com Trump says SNAP will only get paid after shutdown, defying multiple court orders] ''Axios'' (November 4, 2025)

*And you know, one other thing, our country has to remain very liquid because problems, catastrophes, wars, could be anything. We have to remain liquid.&lt;br&gt;We can’t give everything away based on a number.&lt;br&gt;Here’s an example. When I was president, the number that you’re talking about was a tiny fraction of what it is now. Biden went totally crazy, gave it to anybody that would ask, gave it to people that were able-bodied, had no problem.&lt;br&gt;Anybody who would ask would get the number. And it’s many times the number of people around.&lt;br&gt;This wasn’t meant for that. It was meant for people that had real problems, in many cases people that were down and out, people that could be saved.&lt;br&gt;It wasn’t for people who could do whatever they want, the people that say, Well, I don’t think I’ll work. I’ll just, you know, collect this money.
**When asked by a reporter what his message was to folks who are missing SNAP benefits [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-rant-staying-very-134934000.html Trump Goes on Rant About Staying ‘Very Liquid’ When Fox Reporter Confronts Him Over Judge’s SNAP-Food Stamps Order] Yahoo! News (November 7, 2025)

*They said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to talk about affordability. The reason I don’t want to talk about affordability is because everybody knows that it’s far less expensive under Trump than it was under Sleepy Joe Biden, and the prices are way down.
**[https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/cnn-host-skewers-trump-over-235330797.html CNN Host Skewers Trump Over Latest Food Price Claims: 'The Numbers Don't Lie'] ''Yahoo News'' (November 8, 2025)

*I don’t know that they are saying that. I think polls are fake. We have the greatest economy we’ve ever had.
**When asked by Fox News host [[Laura Ingraham]] &quot;Why are people saying they’re anxious about the economy?&quot; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/foxs-laura-ingraham-confronts-trump-on-50-year-mortgage-plan-is-that-really-a-good-idea/ Fox’s Laura Ingraham Confronts Trump on 50-Year Mortgage Plan: ‘Is That Really a Good Idea?’] ''Mediaite'' (November 10, 2025)

*Epstein was a Democrat, and he is the Democrat’s problem, not the Republican’s problem! Ask Bill Clinton, Reid Hoffman, and Larry Summers about Epstein, they know all about him, don’t waste your time with Trump. I have a Country to run!
**[https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-will-ask-justice-department-probe-epstein-ties-with-bill-clinton-2025-11-14/ Trump asks Justice Department to probe Epstein ties with Bill Clinton, other Democrats] ''Reuters'' (November 14, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115548539359870302]

* I had an MRI.  The doctor said it was the best result he has ever seen as a doctor.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-mri-walter-reed-doctor-b2865809.html &quot;Trump claims his recent MRI was part of regular checkup: ‘The doctor said it was the best result he’s ever seen as a doctor’&quot;] ''Independent'' (November 15, 2025)

* Marjorie 'Traitor' Green [sic] is a disgrace to our GREAT REPUBLICAN PARTY!
* All I see &quot;Wacky&quot; Marjorie do is COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN!
* She has told many people that she is upset that I don't return her phone calls anymore.  I can't take a ranting Lunatic's call every day.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c9wv4dx05q5o &quot;Feud erupts between Trump and ally Marjorie Taylor Greene ahead of Epstein files vote&quot;], ''BBC'' (November 16, 2025)

*I don’t think her life is in danger. I don’t think, frankly, I don’t think anybody cares about her.
**Responding to a reporter about [[Marjorie Taylor Greene]]’s claim that his comments are putting her life in danger [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-blasts-trump-vicious-unwarranted-attacks-re-rcna244351 Marjorie Taylor Greene blasts Trump for 'vicious' attacks after saying her company received a pipe bomb threat] ''NBC News'' (November 17, 2025)

* Quiet, piggy.
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/testy-trump-lashes-out-at-female-reporter-asking-about-epstein-quiet-piggy/ &quot;Trump Lashes Out at Female Reporter Asking About Epstein: ‘Quiet, Piggy!’&quot;] ''The Daily Beast'' (November 18, 2025)

*It’s called SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL. Each one of these traitors to our Country should be ARRESTED AND PUT ON TRIAL. Their words cannot be allowed to stand – We won’t have a Country anymore!!! An example MUST BE SET. President DJT
*This is really bad, and Dangerous to our Country. Their words cannot be allowed to stand. SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM TRAITORS!!! LOCK THEM UP??? President DJT
*SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR, punishable by DEATH!
**Series of Truth Social posts suggesting Senators Elissa Slotkin and Mark Kelly, as well as Representatives Jason Crow, Chris Deluzio, Chrissy Houlahan, and Maggie Goodlander be arrested and put to death for a video they made urging military members to “refuse illegal orders” issued “against American citizens” [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/an-example-must-be-set-trump-calls-for-democrats-who-urged-soldiers-to-disobey-illegal-orders-to-be-arrested-and-put-on-trial/ ‘Punishable by DEATH’: Trump Floats Execution for Democrats Who Urged Soldiers to Disobey Illegal Orders] ''Mediate'' (November 20, 2025)

*'''Reporter:''' [The Afghan refugee] was vetted and the vetting came up clean.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He went cuckoo. I mean, he went nuts, and that happens too. It happens too often with these people….There was no vetting or anything, they came in unvetted…&lt;br&gt;'''Reporter:''' Actually, your DOJ IG just reported this year that there was thorough vetting by DHS and by the FBI of these Afghans who were brought into the U.S. So why do you blame the Biden administration?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Because they let ’em in. Are you stupid? Are you a stupid person? Because they came into on a plane along with thousands of other people that shouldn’t be here, and you’re just asking questions because you’re a stupid person.
**Responding to a female reporter regarding the Afghan refugee, vetted by the Trump DOJ, who shot two national guardsmen in Washington DC on Thanksgiving Day [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-stupid-attack_n_6928ebbfe4b0237ded13a17a  Trump Rips Into Another Female Reporter With Incredibly 'Stupid' Personal Attack] ''Huffington Post'' (November 27, 2025)

===== Press conference with Zohran Mamdani (21 November 2025) =====
[[File:President Trump Meets with Zohran Mamdani, Mayor-Elect, New York City (11212025).webm|222px|right]]

* We have one thing in common. We want this city of ours that we love to do very well, and I wanted to congratulate the mayor. He really ran an incredible race against, you know, a lot of smart people, starting with the early primaries against some very tough people, very smart people, and he beat them and he beat them easily, and I congratulated him. … I think you're going to have hopefully a really great mayor. The better he does, the happier I am. I will say there's no difference in party. There's no difference in anything, and we're going to be helping him. To make everybody's dream come true, having a strong and very safe New York, and congratulations, [[Zohran Mamdani|Mr. Mayor]].

* I can tell you some of my views have [[changed]] and we had discussions on some things. I'm not going to discuss what they were, but that I feel very [[confident]] that he can do a very good job. I think I think he's going to be — I think he is going to [[surprise]] some [[conservative]] [[people]] actually — and some very [[liberal]] people — he won't surprise them because they already like him.

==== December 2025 ====

*If [drug producers] come through a certain country, or any country, or if we think they're building mills for, whether it's fentanyl or cocaine. I hear the country of Colombia is making cocaine, they have cocaine manufacturing plants... Anybody that's doing that and selling it into our country is subject to attack… Not just Venezuela.
**Indicates military strikes are possible in other countries if they are suspected of producing or transporting drugs [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-colombia-drugs-military-strikes-venezuela-11144611  Donald Trump Threatens Expanding Military Strikes to More Countries] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*Any and all Documents, Proclamations, Executive Orders, Memorandums, or Contracts, signed by Order of the now infamous and unauthorized 'AUTOPEN,' within the Administration of Joseph R. Biden Jr., are hereby null, void, and of no further force or effect. Anyone receiving 'Pardons,' 'Commutations,' or any other Legal Document so signed, please be advised that said Document has been fully and completely terminated, and is of no Legal effect.
**[https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-biden-autopen-pardons-invalid-11145591 Trump Says All Pardons, Commutations Signed by Biden Autopen ‘Terminated’] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*The word affordability is a con job by the Democrats. The word affordability is a Democrat scam.
**Responding to Democrats' complaints about inflation at today's Cabinet meeting [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/12/02/trump-cabinet-meeting-venezuela-live-updates/87566205007/ 'Affordability is a con job by the Democrats,' Trump says] ''USA Today'' (December 2, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Selina Wang:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you released video of that first boat strike on September 2nd, but not the second video. Will you release video [of the September 2 US military strikes against a suspected drug-smuggling boat in the Caribbean] so that the American people can see for themselves what happened?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I don’t know what they have, but whatever they have we’d certainly release, no problem.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 3, 2025)

* You'll never see me sleeping in front of a camera.
** [https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/2142156/sleepy-donald-trump-humiliated &quot;'Sleepy' Donald Trump humiliated with own words in resurfaced TV appearance&quot;] ''Express'' (December 4, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Rachel Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd off the coast of Venezuela. Secretary Hegseth now says –&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I didn’t say that. That’s – you said that, I didn’t say that. This is ABC fake news.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said that you would have no problem releasing the full vi(deo)….&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever Hegseth wants to do is OK with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; He now says it’s under review. Are you ordering the secretary to release that full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever he decides is OK with me. So every boat we knock out of the water, every boat, we save 25,000 American lives. That was a boat loaded up with drugs....&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Are you committed to releasing the full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Didn’t I just tell you that?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said it was up to Secretary Hegseth.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; You are the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. Let me just tell you, you are an obnoxious—actually, a terrible reporter, and it’s always the same with you.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 8, 2025)[https://newrepublic.com/post/204152/donald-trump-pulls-180-releasing-boat-strike-video]

* The word 'affordability' is a con job by the Democrats.  The word 'affordability' is a Democrat scam.
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2025/12/14/trump-economy-inflation-affordability-hoax/87725036007/ &quot;Stop criticizing Trump's bad economy. You're making him sad.&quot;] Opinion by Rex Hupke, in ''USA Today'' (December 14, 2025)

*A very sad thing happened last night in Hollywood. Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife, Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS. He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. May Rob and Michele rest in peace!
**Truth Social post one day after [[Wikipedia:Rob Reiner|Rob Reiner]] and his wife, Michele, were found dead in their Los Angeles home due to an apparent homicide [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-disparages-rob-reiner-political-views-murder/# Trump disparages Rob Reiner's political views a day after his murder] ''CBS News'' (December 15, 2025)

* I was never on Epstein's Plane.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c74xgp81pqgo &quot;Trump travelled on Epstein's plane more than previously thought, newly released prosecutor's email says&quot;] ''BBC'' (December 23, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country, but are failing badly.
** [https://www.trtworld.com/article/08dba4da974b &quot;Trump calls Democrats 'radical left scum' in Christmas Eve message] ''TRT World'' (December 25, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the many Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein, gave him bundles of money, went to his Island, attended his parties, and thought he was the greatest guy on earth, only to ‘drop him like a dog’ when things got too HOT, falsely claimed they had nothing to do with him, didn’t know him, said he was a disgusting person, and then blame, of course, President Donald J. Trump, who was actually the only one who did drop Epstein, and long before it became fashionable to do so.  
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/sleazebags-trump-wishes-merry-christmas-012444246.html &quot;'Sleazebags': Trump Wishes A Merry Christmas To ... Epstein Island Visitors?!?&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (December 26, 2025)

* My friends will get hurt.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-yelled-friends-hurt-marjorie-181823942.html Trump Yelled 'My Friends Will Get Hurt' at Marjorie Taylor Greene for Threatening to Name Epstein Abusers, She Claims] (December 29, 2025)


===== Address to the Nation (17 December 2025) =====
*Eleven months ago, I inherited a mess, and I’m fixing it. When I took office, inflation was the worst in 48 years, and some would say in the history of our country, which caused prices to be higher than ever before, making life unaffordable for millions and millions of Americans. This happened during a Democrat administration, and it’s when we first began hearing the word affordability.

*Over the past 11 months, we have brought more positive change to Washington than any administration in American history.

*For the last four years, the United States was ruled by politicians who fought only for insiders, illegal aliens, career criminals, corporate lobbyists, prisoners, terrorists and, above all, foreign nations, which took advantage of us at levels never seen before. They flooded your cities and towns with illegal aliens. They decimated your hard-earned savings. They indoctrinated your children with hate for America, released, really, I mean, they just released a level of violent felons that we had never seen to prey on innocent. They caused war. They caused mayhem. They caused a horrible situation all over the globe.

*Here at home, we are bringing our economy back from the brink of ruin. The last administration and their allies in Congress looted our Treasury for trillions of dollars, driving up prices and everything at levels never seen before. I am bringing those high prices down and bringing them down very fast.

*Democrat politicians also sent the cost of groceries soaring, but we are solving that, too. The price of a Thanksgiving turkey was down 33 percent compared to the Biden last year. The price of eggs is down 82 percent since March, and everything else is falling rapidly. And it’s not done yet, but boy, are we making progress. Nobody can believe what’s going on.

*Already, I’ve secured a record-breaking $18 trillion of investment into the United States, which means jobs, wage increases, growth, factory openings and far greater national security. Much of this success has been accomplished by tariffs, my favorite word, tariffs, which for many decades have been used successfully by other countries against us, but not anymore.

*One year ago, our country was dead. We were absolutely dead. Our country was ready to fail. Totally fail. Now we’re the hottest country anywhere in the world. And that’s said by every single leader that I’ve spoken to over the last five months.

*I negotiated directly with the drug companies and foreign nations, which were taken advantage of our country for many decades to slash prices on drugs and pharmaceuticals by as much as 400, 500 and even 600 percent.

*The current unaffordable care act was created to make insurance companies rich. It was bad health care at much too high a cost, and you see that now in the steep increase in premiums being demanded by the Democrats. And they are demanding those increases and it’s their fault. It is not the Republicans’ fault. It’s the Democrats’ fault. It’s the unaffordable care act, and everybody knew it.&lt;br&gt;Again, I want the money to go directly to the people so you can buy your own health care. You’ll get much better health care at a much lower price. The only losers will be insurance companies that have gotten rich, and the Democrat Party, which is totally controlled by those same insurance companies. They will not be happy, but that’s OK with me because you, the people, are finally going to be getting great health care at a lower cost.

*On Day 1, I declared a national energy emergency. Gasoline is now under $2.50 a gallon, and in much of the country, in some states, it, by the way, just hit $1.99 a gallon.

*Tonight, after 11 months, our border is secure, inflation has stopped, wages are up, prices are down, our nation is strong, America is respected, and our country is back, stronger than ever before. We’re poised for an economic boom the likes of which the world has never seen. Soon we will host the World Cup and the Olympics, both of which I got. But most importantly, we will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.&lt;br&gt;There could be no more fitting tribute to this epic milestone than to complete the comeback of America that began just one year ago. When the world looks at us next year, let them see a nation that is loyal to its citizens, faithful to its workers, confident to its identity, certain to its destiny and the envy of the entire globe. We are respected again, like we have never been respected before.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/17/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript-economy.html Full Transcript of President Trump’s Speech on the Economy] ''The New York Times'' (December 17, 2025)
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/17/politics/fact-check-trump-prime-time-address &quot;Fact check: Trump repeats numerous false claims in prime-time address&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 18, 2025)

===2026===
====January 2026====

*Peace. Peace on Earth.
**When asked what his New Year's resolution was [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/president-donald-trump-shares-his-new-years-resolution.print President Donald Trump shares his New Year's resolution] ''Fox News'' (January 1, 2026)

*Somalians ripped off that state for billions of dollars, billions every year, billions of dollars. And they contribute nothing. The welfare is like 88 percent. They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country. I’ll be honest with you, okay? Somebody said, ‘Oh, that’s not politically correct.’ I don’t care. I don’t want them in our country. Their country’s no good for a reason. Their country stinks, and we don’t want them in our country.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2025/12/02/somalis-minnesota-trump-walz-immigration-enforcement/ Trump rails against Somali migrants], ''Washington Post'' (January 4, 2026) 

*Yeah, there is one thing. My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me. I don’t need international law. I’m not looking to hurt people.
**When asked if there were any limits on his global powers [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/08/us/politics/trump-interview-power-morality.html?unlocked_article_code=1.C1A.ZfEI.Unv_CN3B-FBv&amp;smid=url- Trump Lays Out a Vision of Power Restrained Only by ‘My Own Morality’] ''The New York Times'' (January 8, 2026)

*I’m not talking about money for [[Greenland]], yet.&lt;br&gt;I might talk about that, but right now we are going to do something on Greenland, whether they like it or not. Because if we don’t do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland, and we’re not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor.&lt;br&gt;…The fact that [Denmark] had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land. [I’m] sure we had lots of boats go there also.&lt;br&gt;So we’re going to be doing something with Greenland, either the nice way or the more difficult [way].
**[https://www.cnbc.com/2026/01/09/trump-greenland-military-denmark-nato.html Trump: ‘We are going to do something on Greenland whether they like it or not’] ''CNBC'' (January 9, 2026)

* You got to win the midterms because if we don't win the midterms, it's just going to be — I mean, they'll find a reason to impeach me. &lt;b&gt;I'll get impeached.&lt;/b&gt;
* They say that when you win the presidency, you lose the midterm. So, you're all brilliant people. Most of you are in this business longer than me. That makes me smarter than you, because look where I am right? No, it doesn't. But I wish you could, explain to me what the hell's going on with the mind of the public. Because we have a — we have the right policy. They don't. They have a horrible policy. They do stick together.
* They had the worst president, did the worst job. They had the worst policy. We have to even run against these people. Now, I won't say cancel the election, &lt;b&gt;they should cancel the election&lt;/b&gt;, because the fake news will say, 'He wants the elections canceled. He's a dictator.' They always call me a dictator.
** [https://eu.delawareonline.com/story/news/2026/01/15/trump-impeachment-update-2026-is-trump-getting-impeached-midterm-elections-cancelled-predictions/88195759007/ &quot;Is Trump getting impeached in 2026? Here's what he said about cancelling midterms&quot;] ''Delaware Online / USA TODAY NETWORK'' (January 15, 2026)

* Dear Jonas:  Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, &lt;b&gt;I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace&lt;/b&gt;, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America. Denmark cannot protect that land from Russia or China, and why do they have a “right of ownership” anyway? There are no written documents, it’s only a boat that landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also. &lt;b&gt;I have done more for NATO than any person since its founding&lt;/b&gt;, and &lt;b&gt;now, NATO should do something for the United States. The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland.&lt;/b&gt; Thank you! President DJT
** Message to Norwegian prime minister [[w:Jonas Gahr Støre|Jonas Gahr Støre]], as cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/01/trump-letter-to-norway/685676/ &quot;Trump’s Letter to Norway Should Be the Last Straw - Will Republicans in Congress ever step in?&quot;] ''The Atlantic'' (January 19, 2026)
* I don't care about the Nobel Prize. 
* I think I have saved tens of millions of lives.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/01/20/us/video/trump-dont-care-about-the-nobel-prize-digvid-vrtc &quot;Trump: I don't care about the Nobel prize&quot;] ''CNN'' (January 20, 2026)

===== Remarks on U.S. military operations in Venezuela (3 January 2026) =====

* Late last night and early today at my direction the United States armed forces conducted [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|an extraordinary military operation]] in the capital of [[Venezuela]].

* The lights of Caracas were largely turned off due to a certain expertise that we have. It was dark and it was deadly. But captured along with his wife, [[w:Cilia Flores|Cilia Flores]], both of whom now face American justice. 

* '''We are going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper and judicious transition.'''

* Under our new national security strategy, American dominance in the western hemisphere will never be questioned again.

*'''We're going to be taking out a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground''', and that wealth is going to the people of Venezuela and people from outside of Venezuela that used to be in Venezuela, and it goes also to the United States of America in the form of reimbursement for the damages caused by that country.
**Response to a question from the press following his remarks on operations in Venezuela [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-vow-run-venezuela-sell-oil-part-plan/story?id=128873221 Trump's vow to 'run' Venezuela, sell oil, part of plan to dominate Western Hemisphere] ''ABC News'' (January 3, 2026)

==== February 2026====
[[File:Kennedy Center (46399777861).jpg|thumb| The [[w:Kennedy Center|Trump Kennedy Center]] will close on [[Independence Day (United States)|July 4th]], 2026, in [[honor]] of the 250th Anniversary of [[United States|our Country]], whereupon we will simultaneously begin Construction of the new and spectacular Entertainment Complex.]]

* I have determined that the fastest way to bring [[w:Kennedy Center|The Trump Kennedy Center]] to the highest level of Success, Beauty, and Grandeur, is to cease Entertainment Operations for an approximately two year period of time, with a scheduled Grand Reopening that will rival and surpass anything that has taken place with respect to such a Facility before.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115997939705121174 Announcement of closure] of the [[w:Kennedy Center|John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts]] (1 February 2026), referred to by Trump as &quot;The Trump Kennedy Center&quot; without authorization of such a renaming by the US Congress.

* The Grammy Awards are the WORST, virtually unwatchable! Noah said, INCORRECTLY about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/02/02/politics/trevor-noah-trump-grammys-epstein &quot;Trump slams Grammys and threatens to sue host Trevor Noah after Epstein joke&quot;] ''CNN'' (February 2, 2026)

* I don't want to drive housing prices down, I want to drive housing prices up for people that own their homes and they can be assured that's what's going to happen.
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-wants-drive-us-house-103900744.html &quot;Trump wants to drive US house prices up for homeowners, block those who don’t ‘work very hard’ from buying. Do this now&quot;] ''Moneywise / Yahoo Finance'' (February 4, 2026)

* ''About the 2024 election:'' I had to win it. I needed it for my own ego. I would have had a bad ego for the rest of my life. Now I really have a big ego. 
* I don’t know how a person of faith can vote for a Democrat.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/05/trump-religious-right-republicans &quot;The way, the Trump and the lies: prayer breakfast displays US right’s devil’s pact&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (February 5, 2026)

* U.S. Olympic Skier, Hunter Hess, a real Loser, says he doesn’t represent his Country in the current Winter Olympics.  If that’s the case, he shouldn’t have tried out for the Team, and it’s too bad he’s on it.
** Written about Hunter Hess, who has said that just because he's wearing the flag doesn't mean he is representing all that is going on in the US, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5728563-trump-rips-hunter-hess-olympics/ &quot;Trump rips Olympic skier over remarks about representing US&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 8, 2026)

* The Super Bowl Halftime Show is absolutely terrible, one of the worst, EVER!  It makes no sense, is an affront to the Greatness of America, and doesn’t represent our standards of Success, Creativity, or Excellence.
** Claimed about the show with the US rapper [[w:Bad Bunny | Bad Bunny]], quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-bad-bunnys-super-bowl-halftime-show-was-absolutely-terrible-2026-02-09/ &quot;Trump says Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime was 'absolutely terrible'&quot;] ''Reuters'' ( February 9, 2026) 

* I am predicting 100,000 on the DOW by the end of my Term. REMEMBER TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everything-credits-tariffs-193104611.html &quot;Trump Says He 'Was Right About Everything,' Credits Tariffs For Dow Jones At 50,000, Predicts It Will Reach 100,000 By This Time&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance'' (February 10, 2026)

* TARIFFS have given us Great National Security because the mere mention of the word has Countries agreeing to our strongest wishes,
* Any Republican, in the House or the Senate, that votes against TARIFFS will seriously suffer the consequences come Election time, and that includes Primaries!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5734521-trump-tariffs-primary-threat/ &quot;Trump threatens ‘consequences’ for Republicans who voted against tariffs on Canada&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 11, 2026)

===== Announcement of major combat operations in Iran (28 February 2026) =====
[[File:President Donald J. Trump on the United States Military Major Combat Operations in Iran.webm|thumb|Trump on major combat operations in Iran]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack Full statement at PBS (28 February 2026)]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Trump announcing strikes on Iran, February 28 2026.png|thumb|A short time ago, the [[United States]] [[military]] began [[w:2026 Israeli–United States strikes on Iran|major combat operations]] in [[Iran]].]]
[[File:President Donald J. Trump oversees Operation Epic Fury at Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, FL, Feb. 28, 2026. (White House photo by Daniel Torok) (55121599389).jpg|thumb|My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war.]]

* A short time ago, the United States military began major combat operations in Iran. Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime. A vicious group of very hard, terrible people. Its menacing activities directly endanger the United States, our troops, our bases overseas, and our allies throughout the world.

* Iran is the world's number one state sponsor of terror, and just recently killed tens of thousands of its own citizens on the street as they protested. It has always been the policy of the United States, in particular my administration, that this terrorist regime can never have a nuclear weapon. I'll say it again, they can never have a nuclear weapon.

* They've rejected every opportunity to renounce their nuclear ambitions, and we can't take it anymore. Instead, they attempted to rebuild their nuclear program and to continue developing the long range missiles that can now threaten our very good friends and allies in Europe, our troops stationed overseas, and could soon reach the American homeland. Just imagine how emboldened this regime would be if they ever had, and actually were armed with nuclear weapons as a means to deliver their message. &lt;br /&gt; For these reasons, the United States military is undertaking a massive and ongoing operation to prevent this very wicked, radical dictatorship from threatening America and our core national security interests. We're going to destroy their missiles and raze their missile industry to the ground. It will be totally again obliterated. We're going to annihilate their navy. We're going to ensure that the region's terrorist proxies can no longer destabilize the region or the world and attack our forces, and no longer use their IEDs, or roadside bombs as they are sometimes called, to so gravely wound and kill thousands and thousands of people, including many Americans. And we will ensure that Iran does not obtain a nuclear weapon. It's a very simple message. They will never have a nuclear weapon.

* This regime will soon learn that no one should challenge the strength and might of the United States Armed Forces. I built and rebuilt our military in my first administration and there is no military on earth even close to its power, strength or sophistication. My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war. But we're doing this not for now. We're doing this for the future. And it is a noble mission. We pray for every service member as they selflessly risk their lives to ensure that Americans and our children will never be threatened by a nuclear-armed Iran. We ask God to protect all of our heroes in harm's way. And we trust that with his help, the men and women of the armed forces will prevail. We have the greatest in the world, and they will prevail.

* To the members of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the armed forces and all of the police, I say tonight that you must lay down your weapons and have complete immunity. Or in the alternative, face certain death. So, lay down your arms. You will be treated fairly with total immunity, or you will face certain death. Finally, to the great proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand. Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere. When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for generations. &lt;br /&gt; For many years, you have asked for America's help. But you never got it. No president was willing to do what I am willing to do tonight. Now you have a president who is giving you what you want. So let's see how you respond. America is backing you with overwhelming strength and devastating force. Now is the time to seize control of your destiny, and to unleash the prosperous and glorious future that is close within your reach. This is the moment for action. Do not let it pass.

==== March 2026 ====
{{See also|2026 Iran war}}

* There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!
* IRAN WILL HAVE A GREAT FUTURE. 'MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN (MIGA!).'” 
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2029923412269809980 &quot;UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!&quot;] ''The White House'' (March 6, 2026)

* Iran, which is being beat to HELL, has apologized and surrendered to its Middle East neighbors, and promised that it will not shoot at them anymore. This promise was only made because of the relentless U.S. and Israeli attack... Iran is no longer the 'Bully of the Middle East,' they are, instead, 'THE LOSER OF THE MIDDLE EAST,'
** [https://www.instagram.com/p/DVliTBoFFXd/ &quot;IRAN WILL BE HIT VERY HARD!&quot;] ''White House'' (March 7, 2026)

* I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
* If you look, they have nothing left. There's nothing left in a military sense.
* If they do anything bad, that would be the end of Iran and you'd never hear the name again.
* Wrapping up is all in my mind, nobody else's.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says &quot;the war is very complete,&quot; and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;] ''CBS News'' (March 9, 2026)

* We think they should put a president in or the head of the country that’s going to be able to do something peacefully for a change. They’ve been doing this for 47 years, killing people for 47 years. Whether it’s the barracks or even the SS Cole where they were involved, very strongly, they always denied it.  But they were very strongly involved and all of the &lt;b&gt;people that died through the roadside bombs died and are right now walking around with no legs, no arms.&lt;/b&gt; A face that’s been so badly damaged.
** Claimed about the people of Iran and about the [[w:October 2000 bombing of USS Cole | October 2000 bombing of USS Cole ]] in Yemen by Al Qaida, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/207572/trump-rant-dead-soldiers-walking-around-no-legs-iran &quot;Trump Goes on Deranged Rant About Dead Soldiers Walking Around&quot;] ''The New Republic'' (March 10, 2026)

* These ships should go through the Strait of Hormuz and show some guts, there’s nothing to be afraid of ... They have no Navy, we sunk all their ships.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/hormuz-strait-attacks-follow-trump-saying-crews-should-show-some-guts-11660339 &quot;Hormuz Strait Attacks Follow Trump Saying Crews Should ‘Show Some Guts’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (March 11, 2026)

* The United States is the largest oil producer in the world, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money.
* The straits are in great shape. We’ve knocked out all of their boats. They have some missiles, but not very many. I think we’re in very good … we’re in very good shape.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5780543-us-oil-prices-trump/ &quot;Trump: ‘When oil prices go up, we make a lot of money’&quot;] ''The Hill'' (March 12, 2026)

* I don't want the president of the United States to have a cognitive deficiency.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/newsom-trump-cognitive-ability-2028-election-b2936871.html &quot;Newsom gives scathing two-word retort after Trump publicly questions governor’s mental health and ‘cognitive’ ability&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 12, 2026)

* You never like to say too early you won. We won. We won the bet — in the first hour, it was over.
** [https://www.ms.now/news/news-analysis/trump-iran-winning-project-47-newsletter &quot;‘We’ve won’: Trump’s declarations of victory in war with Iran defy reality&quot;] ''MS Now'' (March 12, 2026)

* It's an excursion that will keep us out of a war, and the war is going to be, uh -- I mean, for them it's a war. For us, it's turned out to be easier than we thought.
** [https://abcnews.com/Politics/excursion-war-trump-analysis/story?id=131003550 &quot;A 'little excursion' or 'war'? It's 'both,' Trump says: ANALYSIS&quot;] ''ABC News'' (March 13, 2026)

* Watch what happens to these deranged scumbags today.  They’ve been killing innocent people all over the world for 47 years, and now I, as the 47th President of the United States of America, am killing them. What a great honor it is to do so! 
** [https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2026-03-15/trump-hegseth-iran-war-rhetoric &quot;Trump’s war rhetoric is coarse. It’s also heard differently, depending on the audience&quot;] ''Los Angeles Times'' (March 15, 2026)

* We may hit it a few more times just for fun.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/15/trump-says-us-may-hit-irans-kharg-island-again-just-for-fun &quot;Trump says US may hit Iran’s Kharg Island again ‘just for fun’&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (March 15, 2026)

* I’ve spoken to a certain president, who I like, actually. A past president, a former president. He said, 'I wish I did it.' But they didn't do it. I'm doing it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-president-call-b2940315.html &quot;Trump says he spoke to an ex-president who praised his Iran War. They all deny taking the call&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 17, 2026)

* ''About [[w:Joe Kent | Joe Kent]], former director of the National Counterterrorism Center:'' It’s a good thing that he’s out because he said Iran was not a threat. 
** [https://washingtonstatestandard.com/2026/03/17/was-joe-kent-leaving-trump-administration-over-war-in-iran/ &quot;WA’s Joe Kent leaving Trump administration over war in Iran&quot;] ''Washington State Standard'' (March 17, 2026)

* My attitude is, we don’t need anybody. We’re the strongest nation in the world. We have the strongest military by far in the world. We don’t need them.
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1252321/cnns-kasie-hunt-mocks-trump-over-his-bizarre-press-briefing/ &quot;CNN’s Kasie Hunt Mocks Trump Over His Bizarre Press Briefing&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (March 17, 2026)

* NATO nations have done absolutely nothing to help with the lunatic nation, now militarily decimated, of Iran. the U.S.A needs nothing from NATO, but “never forget&quot; this very important point in time!&quot;
** [https://www.news18.com/world/done-absolutely-nothing-trump-fires-at-nato-nations-for-no-action-on-lunatic-iran-9998722.html &quot;'Done Absolutely Nothing': Trump Fires At NATO Nations For No Action On 'Lunatic Iran'&quot;] ''News 18'' (March 26, 2026)

* When we go in, we went in very hard, and we didn't tell anybody about it, because we wanted surprise—Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?
** In response to a reporter questioning why the US did not inform its NATO allies before launching strikes on Iran, during a joint press conference with Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/pearl-harbor-joke-iran-operation-meeting-japan-prime-minister-war-rcna264325 &quot;Trump makes Pearl Harbor joke during meeting with Japanese prime minister&quot;] ''NBC News'' (March 19, 2026)

* ''About the attack on Iran:'' We could have dialogue, but I don’t want to do a ceasefire.  You know you don’t do a ceasefire when you’re literally obliterating the other side.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/03/20/trump-iran-war-ceasefire.html &quot;Trump says he doesn’t want Iran war ceasefire, but is considering ‘winding down’ military ops&quot;] ''CNBC'' (March 20, 2026)

* Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/21/robert-mueller-special-counsel-trump-russia-dies &quot;Robert Mueller, special counsel who investigated Trump-Russia ties, dies at 81&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (March 21, 2026)

* I read a story today that I’m desperate to make a deal…. I’m the opposite of desperate. I don’t care. I want to know ― in fact, we have other targets we want to hit before we leave. We’re hitting them on a daily basis.
* We don’t need the Hormuz Strait. We don’t need it. We don’t need it at all. We don’t ― we have so much oil. Our country is not affected by this.  
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-iran-peace-deal_n_69c58c70e4b09f8e00509ee8 &quot;Trump Trots Out Wildly Contradictory Iran War Claims — And Says He Doesn't Care If There's A Peace Deal&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (March 26, 2026)

: ''About the US attack on Iran:'' 
* I can’t say what we’re going to do because if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here for long. They’d probably — what is it called? The 25th Amendment? — They’d institute the 25th Amendment.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/donald-trump-jokes-cabinet-25th-103104867.html &quot;Donald Trump Jokes Cabinet Would Use 25th Amendment to Remove Him&quot;] ''Mandatory / Yahoo News'' (March 27, 2026)

* See, I get into a war — of course, they call it a war, I call it a military conflict.  But there’s a legal reason for that.  I said, ‘Look, you know, we have a thing called a war,’ or as they would rather say, a military operation. It’s for legal reasons.  I say ‘military’ because as a military operation, I don’t need any approvals. As a war, you’re supposed to get approval from Congress. Something like that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/call-war-trump-reveals-real-172604512.html &quot;'They Call It A War': Trump Reveals Real Reason He Keeps Calling Iran War Something Else&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (March 28, 2026)

* I always like to hang around with losers, actually, because it makes me feel better.  I hate guys that are very, very successful and you have to listen to their success stories. I like people that like to listen to my success.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/five-unhinged-trump-moments-investment-100000181.html &quot;Five unhinged Trump moments at investment summit from weird interruption to filthy question&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 28)

* To be honest with you, my favourite thing is to take the oil in Iran, but some stupid people back in the US say: ‘Why are you doing that?’ But they’re stupid people.
* Maybe we take Kharg Island, maybe we don’t. We have a lot of options. It would also mean we had to be there for a while.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/30/trump-wants-to-invade-iran-to-seize-oil-calls-us-objectors-stupid &quot;Trump wants to invade Iran to seize oil, calls US objectors ‘stupid people’&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 30, 2026)

* The Republicans are wonderful people. We're dealing with very sick people. The Democrats are sick; there's something wrong. They're like terrorists.
** [https://www.aol.com/entertainment/donald-trump-ruthlessly-dubbed-inept-133940897.html &quot;Donald Trump ruthlessly dubbed an 'inept pile of garbage' amid Democrat 'terrorist' jab&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 30, 2026)

* All of those countries that can’t get jet fuel because of the Strait of Hormuz, like the United Kingdom, which refused to get involved in the decapitation of Iran, I have a suggestion for you: Number 1, buy from the U.S., we have plenty, and Number 2, build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT.
* You’ll have to start learning how to fight for yourself, the U.S.A. won’t be there to help you anymore, just like you weren’t there for us.  Iran has been, essentially, decimated. The hard part is done. Go get your own oil!
** [https://nypost.com/2026/03/31/us-news/trump-lashes-out-at-france-and-uk-over-strait-of-hormuz/ &quot;Trump lashes out at France and UK, says nations should ‘just take’ Strait of Hormuz to replenish lost oil&quot;] ''New York Post'' (March 31, 2026)

==== April 2026 ====

* We're going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks — we're going to bring them back to the Stone Age, where they belong.
** [https://www.war.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/4450132/trump-objectives-in-iran-near-completion-terrorist-nation-bully-no-longer/ &quot;Trump: Objectives in Iran Near Completion, Terrorist Nation 'Bully No Longer'&quot;] ''US Department of war'' (April 1, 2026)

* We could just take their oil. But, you know, I’m not sure that the people in our country have the patience to do that, which is unfortunate.  They want to see it end. If we stayed there, I prefer just to take the oil. We could do it so easily; I would prefer that. But people in the country sort of say, ‘Just win. You’re winning so big, just win. Come home.
* With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, &amp; MAKE A FORTUNE
* KEEP THE OIL, ANYONE?
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/3/trump-says-with-more-time-us-can-take-the-oil-in-iran &quot;Trump says with more time, US can ‘take the oil’ in Iran&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 3, 2026)

* Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/04/05/trump-threatens-iranian-infrastructure-hormuz-00859268?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=snews &quot;Trump again threatens to hit Iranian civil infrastructure&quot;] ''Politico'' (April 5, 2026)

* A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. However, now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change, where different, smarter, and less radicalized minds prevail, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, WHO KNOWS? We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World. 47 years of extortion, corruption, and death, will finally end. God Bless the Great People of Iran!
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-iran-warning-whole-civilization-die-11792792 &quot;Trump Issues New Warning to Iran: ‘A Whole Civilization Will Die Tonight’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (April 7, 2026)

* I know why Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Candace Owens, and Alex Jones have all been fighting me for years, especially by the fact that they think it is wonderful for Iran, the Number One State Sponsor of Terror, to have a Nuclear Weapon — Because they have one thing in common, Low IQs. They’re stupid people, they know it, their families know it, and everyone else knows it, too! Look at their past, look at their record. They don’t have what it takes, and they never did! They’ve all been thrown off Television, lost their Shows, and aren’t even invited on TV because nobody cares about them, they’re NUT JOBS, TROUBLEMAKERS, and will say anything necessary for some “free” and cheap publicity. 
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/media/5824607-trump-iran-war-tucker-carlson-megyn-kelly/ &quot;Trump slams conservative media figures over splitting with him on Iran&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 9, 2026)

* Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, the Strait of Hormuz.  
* Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-iran/ &quot;Trump says U.S. will blockade Strait of Hormuz and intercept ships that paid tolls to Iran&quot;] ''CBS News'' (April 12, 2026)

* We don’t like a pope that’s going to say that it’s OK to have a nuclear weapon. We don’t want a pope that says crime is OK in our cities. I don’t like it. I’m not a big fan of Pope Leo,
* Pope Leo is WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy
* Leo should be thankful because, as everyone knows, he was a shocking surprise. He wasn’t on any list to be Pope, and was only put there by the Church because he was an American, and they thought that would be the best way to deal with President Donald J. Trump. If I wasn’t in the White House, Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-not-big-fan-weak-terrible-pope-leo-rcna331461 &quot;Trump assails Pope Leo as 'weak' and 'terrible' after pontiff's Iran war criticism&quot;] ''NBC News'' (April 13, 2026)

* Gas prices have come down very much in the last three or four days
* They are not very high.
* Everything's going really well.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/04/16/trump-gas-prices-iran-war.html &quot;Trump says gas prices ‘not very high’ as most U.S. voters blame him for price spike&quot;] ''CNBC'' (April 16, 2026)

* 'Corner stores'!?  What is a corner store?  I've never heard that term. I know what a corner store is, but I've never heard it described, a ‘corner store.’ 
** [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-corner-store-reaction &quot;Trump doesn’t know what a corner store is – and people think it says a lot about him&quot;] ''Indy100'' (April 17, 2026)

* We have a very good relationship with Iran right now, as hard as it is to believe.  And I think it is a combination of about four weeks of bombing and a very powerful blockade.
** [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-says-second-round-of-talks-with-iran-could-take-place-this-weekend/ &quot;Trump says 2nd round of Iran talks could be this weekend, war ‘should’ end soon&quot;] ''The Times of Israel'' (April 20, 2026)

* I would have won Vietnam very quickly.  I would have, if I were president.
** Claimed about the Vietnam War (1955-1975), quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-boasts-won-vietnam-very-130316917.html &quot;Trump boasts ‘I would have won Vietnam very quickly’ ... despite getting ‘bone spur’ excuse to avoid draft&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 21, 2026)

* A RIGGED ELECTION TOOK PLACE LAST NIGHT IN THE GREAT COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA! 
* As everyone knows, I am an extraordinarily brilliant person.
** [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/extraordinarily-brilliant-trump-leaves-no-181143288.html &quot;‘Extraordinarily brilliant’ Trump leaves no doubt he will challenge any election GOP losses as ‘rigged’ with latest post&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 22, 2026)

* I just cancelled the trip of my representatives going to Islamabad, Pakistan, to meet with the Iranians.  Too much time wasted on traveling, too much work! Besides which, there is tremendous infighting and confusion within their ‘leadership. Nobody knows who is in charge, including them. Also, we have all the cards, they have none! If they want to talk, all they have to do is call!!!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5849794-trump-iran-peace-negotiations/ &quot;Trump says he won’t send officials to Pakistan for negotiations&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 26, 2026)

* When you have, you know, lines of vast amounts of oil pouring through your system, if for any reason that line is closed because you can’t continue to put it into containers or ships, which has happened to them — they have no ships because of the blockade — what happens is that line explodes from within, both mechanically and in the earth.  It’s something that happens where it just explodes. And they say they only have about three days left before that happens. And when it explodes, you can never, regardless, you can never rebuild it the way it was.
** [https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/trump-claims-irans-oil-infrastructure-may-explode-in-three-days-due-to-us-blockade/ &quot;Trump claims Iran’s oil infrastructure may explode in three days due to US blockade&quot;] ''New York Post'' (April 26, 2026)

* The Chancellor of Germany, Friedrich Merz, thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! If Iran had a Nuclear Weapon, the whole World would be held hostage.
* I am doing something with Iran, right now, that other Nations, or Presidents, should have done long ago. No wonder Germany is doing so poorly, both Economically, and otherwise!
* They’re a respected country.  I have a very good relationship with the country – in particular now, with this leader.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/28/trump-scolds-germanys-merz-for-criticism-of-iran-war &quot;Trump scolds Germany’s Merz for criticism of Iran war&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (April 28, 2026)

* He &amp;#91;[[Charles III|King Charles]] of the United Kingdom] made a great speech. I was very jealous.
* I want to congratulate Charles on having made a fantastic speech today at Congress.  He got the [[Democrats]] to stand, I’ve never been able to do that, I couldn’t believe it.
** [https://www.wionews.com/world/trump-admits-he-s-very-jealous-after-king-charles-did-the-one-thing-he-could-never-pull-off-at-the-capitol-1777442027803#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump admits he's 'very jealous' after King Charles did the one thing he could never pull off at the Capitol&quot;] ''Wion'' (April 29, 2026)

* I think Ukraine, militarily they are defeated, OK?  You wouldn't know that by reading the fake news.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394191405112?dicbo=v2-iH2p37I&amp;intcmp=fn_article_mobileweb_bc_ob_more_from &quot;Ukraine is 'militarily' defeated: Trump&quot;] ''Fox News'' (April 29, 2026)

===== Remarks after White House Correspondents' Dinner shootings (25 April 2026) =====
[[File:President Trump Delivers Remarks (April 25, 2026).webm|thumb|start=19:16|thumbtime=19:53|President Trump addresses the press two hours after the shooting]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-after-whcd-shooting &quot;Trump Speaks After WHCD Shooting&quot; video and transcript at rev.com]&lt;/small&gt;

* That was very unexpected, but incredibly acted upon by Secret Service and law enforcement. And this was an event dedicated to freedom of speech that was supposed to bring together members of both parties with members of the press. And in a certain way it did because the fact that they just unified, I saw a room that was just totally unified. It was in one way, very beautiful. A very beautiful thing to see.

* A tape showing the violence of this thug that attacked our constitution and also showing how quickly Secret Service and law enforcement acted on our country's behalf, really did a great job. &lt;br /&gt; One officer was shot, but saved by the fact that he was wearing obviously a very good bulletproof vest. He was shot from very close distance with a very powerful gun. And the vest did the job. I just spoke to the officer and he's doing great. He's great shape. He has very high spirits and we told him we love him and respect him. And he's a very proud guy. He's very proud of what he does, Secret Service agent. And we looked at all of the conditions that took place tonight. And I will say, it's not a particularly secure building. And I didn't want to say this, but this is why we have to have all of the attributes of what we're planning at the White House. It's actually a larger room and it's a much more secure. It's got, it's drone proof, it's bulletproof glass. &lt;br /&gt; We need the ballroom. That's why Secret Service, that's why the military are demanding it. They've wanted the ballroom for 150 years for lots of different reasons, but today's a little bit different because today we need levels of security that probably nobody's ever seen before. But everyone owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to the courage of law enforcement.

* So as you know, this is not the first time in the past couple of years that our republic been attacked by a would be assassin who sought to kill in Butler, Pennsylvania less than two years ago. &lt;br /&gt; You all know that story. And in Palm Beach, Florida, a few months after that, we came close. We really had, again, we had some great work done by law enforcement. But in light of this evening's events, I asked that all Americans recommit with their hearts in resolving our difference peacefully. We have to resolve our differences. I will say you had Republicans, Democrats, independents, conservatives, liberals, and progressives. Those words are interchangeable, perhaps but maybe they're not. But yet everybody in that room, big crowd, record-setting crowd, there was a record-setting group of people, and there was a tremendous amount of love and coming together. I watched and I was very, very impressed by that.

*  I told the representatives of the evening, they did such a beautiful job, was such a beautiful evening. And again, they're talking about free speech in our [[United States Constitution|Constitution]]. That's what it's all about. Not just White House correspondence. It was really based on free speech in our Constitution. But I said very importantly that we'll do it again within the next 30 days. It will make it bigger and better and even nicer. So I just want to thank everybody that was involved. I also want to thank the press, the media. You've been very responsible in your coverage. I will say I've been seeing what's been out and you've been very responsible.

==== May 2026 ====

: ''About the 2026 midterm election:''
* It is a problem I'm not on the ballot. Everyone says if I was on a ballot we'd win in a landslide. &lt;b&gt;I have some of the best poll numbers I've ever had.&lt;/b&gt;  
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-approval-rating-plummets-personality-traits-11905848 &quot;Donald Trump’s Approval Rating Plummets On All Personality Traits&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 2, 2026)

* There has been no exchange of fire between the United States Forces and Iran since April 7, 2026.  The hostilities that began on February 28, 2026 have terminated.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g4xexy4w7o &quot;Trump tells Congress ceasefire means he does not need their approval for Iran war&quot;] ''BBC'' (May 2, 2026)

* We took over the ship. We took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business.  &lt;b&gt;We’re like pirates.&lt;/b&gt;  We’re sort of like pirates. 
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/5/2/trump-says-us-navy-acting-like-pirates-to-enforce-iran-blockade &quot;Trump says US Navy acting ‘like pirates’ to enforce Iran blockade&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (May 2, 2026)

* It is a very friendly blockade.
** [https://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2026/05/03/trump-describes-us-blockade-as-very-friendly-does-not-breach-039terminated039-claim-on-iran-hostilities#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump describes US blockade as &quot;very friendly”, does not breach 'terminated' claim on Iran hostilities&quot;] ''The Star'' (May 3, 2026)

* Bill Maher is a MORON, though slightly more talented than Jimmy Kimmel.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-tears-into-bill-maher-after-gavin-newsom-interview-11906910 &quot;Trump Tears Into Bill Maher After Gavin Newsom Interview&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 3, 2026)

: ''Explained to a group of school children:''
* We can't let Iran have a nuclear weapon… You might be too young for this… But you can't let a bunch of lunatics have a nuclear weapon or the world would be in trouble.
* We sent that beautiful B-2 bomber in, and we blew up their nuclear potential.
* I can tell you, the Middle East would've been gone. Israel would've been gone. They would've trained their sights on Europe first, then us. Because they're sick people. These are sick people, and we're not going to let lunatics have nuclear weapons. It's not going to happen.
** [https://www.ndtvprofit.com/world/bizarre-moment-trump-tells-school-kids-iran-was-two-weeks-away-from-killing-you-watch-video-11455217/amp/1 &quot;Bizarre Moment! Trump Tells School Kids Iran 'Was Two Weeks Away From Killing You'—Watch Video&quot;] ''NDTV Profit'' (May 6, 2026) 

* It's up to the Pope. He thinks it's just fine for Iran to have a nuclear weapon.
** [https://time.com/article/2026/05/06/pope-leo-nuclear-weapons-trump/ &quot;Pope Leo Rejects Trump’s Nuclear Claims and Tells His Critics To Speak ‘Truthfully’&quot;] ''Time'' (May 6, 2026)

* This lunatic, Hakeem ‘Low IQ’ Jeffries, should be charged with INCITING VIOLENCE! The Radical Left Democrats actually want to Destroy our Country.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/jeffries-trump-call-inciting-violence-201156891.html &quot;Jeffries on Trump call for ‘inciting violence’ charge: ‘Another deranged rant’&quot;] ''AOL'' (May 7, 2026)

* Excellent Poll Numbers. Thank You!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-drowns-feed-maga-praise-114613786.html &quot;Trump Drowns Feed With MAGA Praise in Late-Night Truth Social Dump Celebrating Himself&quot;] ''Mediaite/Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* No matter how ‘Fair and Balanced’ the day’s News at Fox may be, the end result is destroyed by professional Liars, Conmen, and Liberal, Crooked Politicians.  This is why &lt;b&gt;MAGA Republicans, who are actually close to 100% of the Party, hate Fox,&lt;/b&gt; despite the wonderful contributions made by so many of their great anchors and commentators. Hard to win Elections like this!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-ballistic-fox-news-225559417.html &quot;Trump Goes Ballistic on Fox News Anchor Jacqui Heinrich, Claims MAGA Republicans ‘Hate’ the Channel&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* I’m serious about beginning a process to make Venezuela the 51st state.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-wants-oil-rich-nation-205314886.html &quot;Trump wants this oil-rich nation as the 51st state. Its leader has a message for him.&quot;] ''nj.com'' (May 12, 2026)

* The only thing that matters when I’m talking about Iran — they can’t have a nuclear weapon.  &lt;b&gt;I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation.&lt;/b&gt; I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing — we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon. That’s all.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-not-thinking-american-finances-iran-talk-rcna344785 &quot;Trump says he’s not thinking about Americans’ finances ‘even a little bit’ in Iran talks&quot;] ''NBC News'' (May 12, 2026)

* Dumacrats Lowe Sewage
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/dumacrats-love-sewage-trump-posts-124145023.html &quot;‘Dumacrats Love Sewage’: Trump Posts Image of Obama, Biden, Pelosi Bathing in Feces in New Truth Social Meme Spree&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 12, 2026)

* We have a man who is doing a great job, I'll tell you. I knew it! Because he kept me out of jail for years. Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, he kept me out of jail.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blanche-jail-quote/ &quot;Trump said acting AG Todd Blanche kept him 'out of jail for years'&quot;] ''Snopes fact check'' (May 13, 2026)

* If they want to come in and build the plant and hire you and hire your friends and your neighbors, that’s great.  I love that. &lt;b&gt;Let China come in, let Japan come in.&lt;/b&gt; They are and they’ll be building plants, but they’re using our labor.
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/05/13/trump-xi-summit-chinese-electric-vehicles-00917652 &quot;‘The only thing that terrifies me is BYD’: Politicians quake at Chinese EVs&quot;] ''Politico'' (May 13, 2026)

* It's a very insulting thing to tell a country we don't want your people in our schools,
** [https://www.thestandard.com.hk/china/article/332106/ &quot;Bucking base, Trump defends Chinese students in US&quot;] ''The Standard'' (May 15, 2026)

* Frankly, I think that it’s good that people come from other countries and they learn our culture, and many of them want to stay here. I think it’s a good thing. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/maga-reeling-trump-welcomes-chinese-204217102.html &quot;MAGA is Reeling as Trump Welcomes Chinese Students to the U.S.&quot;] ''The News Republic / Yahoo News'' (May 15, 2026)

* I'm right now at 99% in Israel.  I could run for prime minister, so maybe after I do this, I'll go to Israel and run for prime minister.  I had a poll this morning. I am 99 %, so that's good.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-no-reputable-poll-235324733.html &quot;Fact Check: NO Reputable Poll Shows Trump Has 99% Support In Israel -- Polls Show 69% To 79%&quot;] ''Yahoo / Lead Stories'' (May 22, 2026)

* I don't care about the midterms.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-midterms-republicans-cabinet-meeting-b2984719.html &quot;Trump sends crushing message to Republicans: ‘I don’t care about the midterms’&quot;] ''Independent'' (May 27, 2026)

* Oman will behave just like everybody else or we’ll have to blow them up. They understand that, they’ll be fine.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/may/27/donald-trump-oman-threat-strait-hormuz &quot;Trump threatens to ‘blow up’ US ally Oman amid talks over strait of Hormuz&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2026)

==== June 2026 ====
: ''About the Iranian military:''
* Their military, we’ve sort of left it alone, because we think that their military is somewhat, somewhat moderate ... We’ve actually left their military alone. People would be surprised to hear that.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-military-us-war-irgc-interview-b2986901.html &quot;Trump now says US left Iran’s military ‘alone’ after weeks of boasting that he destroyed its forces&quot;] ''Independent'' (June 2, 2026)

* ''About Iran:'' They’ve already agreed they’re not going to have a nuclear weapon.
* I inherited very high prices when I came in. I inherited the highest inflation in the history of our country.  Biden had like 9%-10% inflation, and I inherited that, and we have it way down. 
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/white-house/4592621/trump-iran-no-nuclear-new-interview-takeaways/ &quot;Trump says Iran agrees to ‘no nuclear,’ and other takeaways from new interview&quot;]  ''Washington Examiner'' (June 3, 2026)

* I love the inflation.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c0myzxjkw99o &quot;Trump says he 'loves the inflation' as US prices rise at fastest rate in three years&quot;] ''BBC'' (June 11, 2026)

* The United States will be hitting Iran (Whose Navy, Air Force, Radar, Anti Aircraft, and all other forms of Defense, together with most of its offensive capability, are GONE!), VERY HARD TONIGHT.  At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/6/11/trump-says-us-will-be-taking-kharg-island-in-latest-iran-war-threat &quot;Trump says US will ‘be taking’ Kharg Island in latest Iran war threat&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (June 11, 2026)

* I don’t know if you heard, but we ended the war with Iran today.  They have agreed never to have a nuclear weapon, something that we insisted on; that was the whole purpose. That was 95 percent of it.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/06/11/world/live-news/iran-war-trump-israel-hnk  &quot;We ended the war with Iran today,&quot; Trump says]  ''CNN'' (June 12, 2026)

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==

* We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.
* Enigmas never age, have you noticed that?
* A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret.
** Written in a letter to [[Jeffrey Epstein]], according to [https://www.wsj.com/politics/trump-jeffrey-epstein-birthday-letter-we-have-certain-things-in-common-f918d796 &quot;Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends Sent Him Bawdy Letters for a 50th Birthday Album. One Was From Donald Trump.&quot;] ''Wall Street Journal'' (Article behind pay wall) (July 17, 2025).  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jul/17/trump-epstein-grand-jury-testimony-wall-street-journal &quot;Trump requests release of Epstein grand jury transcripts amid report of ‘bawdy’ birthday note&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (July 18, 2025).  Disputed by Donald Trump.

* These people should be executed. They are scumbags.
** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon &amp; Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}}

*Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise.
**Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018)

* I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.
** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)]
** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017)
** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, &quot;I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that.&quot;

* Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?
** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in &quot;Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report&quot;] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: &quot;Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?&quot; As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment.
*** &quot;The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used.&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway.
**[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source]
** In December 2025 Trump said: &quot;Remember I said that to the senators that came in, the Democrats. They wanted to be bipartisan. So they came in. And they said, ‘This is totally off the record, nothing mentioned here, we want to be honest,’ because our country was going to hell. And we had a meeting. And I say: Why is it we only take people from shithole countries, right? Why can’t we have some people from Norway, Sweden – just a few – let us have a few. From Denmark – do you mind sending us a few people? Send us some nice people, do you mind? But we always take people from Somalia. Places that are a disaster, right? Filthy, dirty, disgusting, ridden with crime.
*** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/10/politics/donald-trump-shithole-countries-phrase &quot;Almost eight years later, Trump confirms he used the phrase ‘shithole countries’&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 10, 2025)

*Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.
**Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&amp;linkId=46885064 &quot;'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric&quot;], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment.
** &quot;Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said &quot;take them out.&quot; Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: &quot;That's false&quot; — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html &quot;President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'&quot;] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''.

*Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. &quot;White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time.&quot;

*Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war?
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that &quot;four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day&quot; (Goldberg did not provide any names) that &quot;Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead&quot;, and described the two-sentence quote above as part of &quot;a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit&quot;.
***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term &quot;suckers&quot; to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks)
***the sentence about &quot;good guys&quot; Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members)
****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the &quot;losers&quot; one
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece &quot;It’s a total lie. It’s fake news&quot;.
**Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: &quot;The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against.&quot;
**press secretary [[Kayleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated &quot;The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents&quot;, quoting two service members:
***&quot;&quot;I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops.&quot; - Derek Lyons
***&quot;there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable&quot; - Dan Walsh
**following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] &quot;A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments.&quot;

{{Disputed end}}

{{misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist.
** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989.

* This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.
** Actual quote was &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2QShtOwbU NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country.]&quot;

* If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.
** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes &quot;''People'' magazine, 1998&quot; is ''incorrectly'' given as the &quot;source&quot; of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com]

* The harder I work, the luckier I get.
** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/]

* Life is what you do while you're waiting to die.
** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968)

* People are dying today that have never died before.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this.

* The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA.
** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/]
	
* My blood IS the vaccine!!!!!	
** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/]
 	
{{misattributed end}}

==Quotes about Trump==
&lt;small&gt; See [[Quotes about Donald Trump]]&lt;/small&gt;

==See also==
* [[Donald Trump on social media]]
* [[Donald Trump Jr.]]
* [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]]
* [[List of presidents of the United States]]
* [[First presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Racial views of Donald Trump]]
* [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]]
* [[2020 United States presidential election]]

== External links==
{{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website]
* [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html &quot;Trump's Lies&quot;] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of &quot;nearly every outright lie he has told publicly&quot; in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}''  (23 June 2017)

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Donald}}
[[Category:Donald Trump| ]]
[[Category:1946 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from New York City]]
[[Category:Businesspeople in real estate]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Politicians from Florida]]
[[Category:Politicians from New York City]]
[[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidents of the United States]]
[[Category:Memoirists from the United States]]
[[Category:Nationalists]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:Producers from the United States]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Television producers]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2020]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2024]]
[[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]]</text>
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      <text bytes="18016" sha1="m4u7hyqkcbqdntqxam4du9y06oixx19" xml:space="preserve">{{tv-cleanup|2006-07-12}}

'''''[[w:Sesame Street|Sesame Street]]''''' (1969-present) is an educational television program designed for children, in school ages, and is recognized as a pioneer of the contemporary standard for education in television shows for children, in school ages. ''Sesame Street'' is well known for the inclusion of the [[w:The Muppets|Muppet]] characters created by the legendary puppeteer [[w:Jim Henson|Jim Henson]]. More than 4,000 episodes of the show have been produced in forty seasons, which distinguishes it as one of the longest-running shows in television history. The show was targeted from ages 5 to 12.

== Cookie World ==

====Cookie Monster====

*Cookie Monster (to tune of Elmo's World theme): La la la la, la la la la, Cookie World. La la la la, la la la la, Cookie World. Me love me cookies, yeah, me cookies too. that was amazing

== 1983 episodes ==

====Episode 1839====

:'''Bebe Gunn''': Oh, hi Dana!
:'''Dana''': Hello.
:'''Bebe Gunn''': Nice day, isn't it?
:'''Dana''': Yeah, very nice. Bebe?
:'''Bebe Gunn''': Hmmm?
:'''Dana''': Why are you walking like that?
:'''Bebe Gunn''': What?
:'''Dana''': That.
:'''Bebe Gunn''': Oh.
:'''Gordon''': With your head between your legs.
:'''Big Bird''': Oh, because.
:'''Gordon''': Because why?
:'''Big Bird''': Just because.
:'''Gordon''': You're walking with your head between your legs, just because? Uh, can't you give me a better reason than just because?
:'''Big Bird''': Well, I guess I could try, but I don't think I could come up with a better reason.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I understand.
:'''Big Bird''': You know what I'm gonna do now?
:'''Gordon''': What?
:'''Big Bird''': This. ''(makes a weird move)'' De-do. De-do. De-do. De-do. De-do. De-do. De-do.
:''(Gordon laughs and does the exact same thing)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''David''': Look, look, I'm tellin' you, she's a great candidate! She says that she's against big spending, big business, and inflation. She says when she gets into office, there'll be enough money for government, social programs, and the space program.
:'''Bob''': Hey, sounds great. What's her name?
:'''Gordon''': Alice in Wonderland.
:''(everyone else laughs)''

====Bert &amp; Ernie:====

'''You're Not Bert'''
''[Bert comes in room dressed in a suit and tie]''
:'''Bert''': Uh Ernie tell me. How do I look?
:'''Ernie''': With your eyes Bert. Keeheeheeheehee! 
:'''Bert''': Ernie c'mon. You know I am going to the Pigeon Lover's Party; its a big event and I want you to look at me and tell me how I look. (Ernie looks up to Bert and gasps twice) Yeah. Good huh? (Chuckles)
:'''Ernie''': Wait a minute. Now hold on. Gee Bert. You look different. In fact you don't look at all like Bert. As a matter of fact, you're not Bert!
:'''Bert''': Ernie? Of course I'm Bert. Who else would I be?
:'''Ernie''': I don't know but you're not Bert. Now step with me to this picture. That is a picture of Bert up there see? Now Bert wears a white turtleneck and a striped sweater and look at you you. You're wearing a tie and a jacket. And look at Bert. He has sticky up hair and look at you. Your hair is slumped down. See? You're not Bert. (shouts) Bert? Where are you Bert? Bert!
:'''Bert''': Ernie knock it off.
:'''Ernie''': Listen, what have you done with my old buddy Bert?
:'''Bert:''' Ernie, I am just wearing different clothes and I combed my hair different so that I can look nice for the party.
:'''Ernie''': Listen mister, whoever you are. What have you done with my old buddy Bert? You better bring back Bert here or I'll call a missing Bert bureau.
:'''Bert''': All right. All right. I'll show you. I am Bert. I'll show you. Stay here and I'll be back.
:'''Ernie''': There is only one Bert and I know what he looks like.
:'''Bert''': Okay here I am. (Comes in room in his sweater and normal hair) See?
:'''Ernie''': Bert it is you! Now step by the picture so I can make sure. Yes you have the same sticky up hair, turtleneck and striped sweater. Bert it is you!
:'''Bert''': Of course it is me Ernie!
:'''Ernie''': Wonderful. Hey Bert what are you doing right here? You have to get dressed and comb your hair. You can't go to the pigeon lovers party looking like that Bert.
''(Bert sighs twice in frustration)''

====Imaginary Baseball====
'''(Ernie is seen crying as it noticeably rains outside; Bert enters)'''
:'''Bert''': Ernie what's the matter?
:'''Ernie''': (cries) Bert it's terrible Bert!
:'''Bert''': What's terrible Ernie?
:'''Ernie''': I wanted to go out and play baseball today, but look outside; it's raining outside! (cries)
:'''Bert''': Oh that's it huh? Ernie it's not so bad.
:'''Ernie''': Not so bad Bert?! (tugs at Bert’s shirt)
:'''Bert''': Hey, hey…
:'''Ernie''': Yes it is Bert. It's very bad. (cries)
:'''Bert''': Oh, hey I have an idea Ernie. Why don't you just imagine you're out playing baseball?
:'''Ernie''': Imagine? (Smiles in ideal)
:'''Bert''': Yes. Imagination can be as good as the real thing Ernie.
:'''Ernie''': (happily) Okay Bert. I'll try it.
:'''Bert''': Okay good. (Walks off)
:'''Ernie''': Okay (begins to imagine; the rain noticeably stops) The fans are cheering. (Fans cheering are heard) The umpire shouts...&quot;(Umpire: Play ball!!!)&quot; And I step up to the plate and the pitcher throws ball. I take a swing. (swings baseball bat) Oh it's a perfect hit. The ball goes high above the roof, in the sky and into the clouds. Then it begins to fall. Down down down down down it falls, into...(a splash is heard) In the ocean. Oh no.
:'''Bert''': Ernie it stopped raining. You can go out and play baseball.
:'''Ernie''': No I can't Bert.
:'''Bert''': Why not?
:'''Ernie''': The baseball is at the bottom of the ocean Bert. (Bert stares at Ernie in confusion)


====Weighing Cherries====
:'''Bert''': (After he has to have only one cherry since Ernie ate all of the other ones) Aw-oh-ho-a-wa…
:'''Ernie''': What’s the matter, Bert? Don’t you want your cherries?
:'''Bert''': '''''AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' (faints)
:'''Ernie''': I guess he’s not hungry. (eats the rest of the cherries)

== Others ==

:'''[[w:The Robinson family|Gordon Robinson]]''': Sally, you've never seen a street like Sesame Street. Everything happens here. You're gonna love it!
:* The very first line spoken on the very first episode from November 1969

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Alistair Cookie|Alistair Cookie]]''': Good evening, and welcome to Monsterpiece Theater.
:* Unidentified 1981 episode

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Kermit the Frog|Kermit the Frog]]''': It's not easy being green.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Ernie|Ernie]]''': Rubber Ducky, you're the one. &lt;br/&gt; You make bathtime lots of fun. &lt;br/&gt; Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Ernie|Ernie]]''': The statue knows &quot;Rubber Ducky&quot;, Bert.
:* Unidentified 1981 episode

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Cookie Monster|Cookie Monster]]''': Me do anything for cookie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Grover|Grover]]''': It is I, your furry pal, Grover!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Blue''': Ah, what a beautiful day! I really should come here more often. It's much nicer to have lunch here in the park where there aren't any waiters! ''[Grover suddenly comes in, playing a guitar.]'' Oh no...
:'''Grover''': Ha-ha, yes, it is I, Grover!
:'''Fat Blue''': The very waiter I was hoping to get away from!
:'''Grover''': Uh, excuse me sir, but I am not a waiter.
:'''Fat Blue''': Well of course you are; you waited on me hundreds of times!
:'''Grover''': No, but today is my day off, and on my day off, I am a writer and singer of songs!
:'''Fat Blue''': Of all the benches in all the parks in the world, I had to pick this one!
:'''Grover''': I looooove making music! And I looooove singing! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! And I looooove to find words that sound the same, words that rhyme! Sir, would you care to make a request?
:'''Fat Blue''': I certainly would.
:'''Grover''': Oh good!
:'''Fat Blue''': Go away! And let me have my lunch.
:'''Grover''': Hmm. Well, that is two requests actually, but I will be glad to oblige. ''[starts playing and singing]''
:Go away, take a ride, take a walk!
:Do not stay, I have no time to talk!
:Yesterday I could pass for some fun,
:But today I must ask you to run!
:Go away, make it far,
:Go away, take the car,
:Don't delay, please just scram,
:Do not play where I aaaaammm!
:Go away, make it far--
:'''Fat Blue''': THAT'S ENOUGH!!
:'''Grover''': Oh! Well you are right; that is enough of &quot;Go Away!&quot; And now, a little tune I like to call, &quot;Let Me Have My Lunch!&quot; ''[starts playing again]''
:'''Fat Blue''': Ugh...
:'''Grover''': This is the vamp, I love this part! You can tap your foot if you like.
:''[singing]'' Let me have my lunch,
:Yes I'm eager for a bite!
:Let me have my lunnnnch,
:'Cause it's such a pretty sight!
:There you go, sir! Two beautiful songs with many cute rhymes. Like, um, like &quot;away&quot; and &quot;a-play&quot; and &quot;stay&quot;, and uh, &quot;bite&quot;, &quot;bite&quot; and &quot;sight&quot;, yes, and then there was &quot;walk&quot; and &quot;talk&quot;, and, uh, &quot;far&quot; and &quot;car&quot;, and &quot;scram&quot; and--
:'''Fat Blue''': Yes yes yes, that's just swell!
:'''Grover''': Swell indeed! In fact, all the rhyming has made me quite hungry for my lunch.
:'''Fat Blue''': Ugh, take mine!
:'''Grover''': Oh, that is very kind of you, sir. But what about ''your'' lunch?
:'''Fat Blue''': Well, I was thinking of that restaurant where you work!
:'''Grover''': Oh, but sir, I will not be there!
:'''Fat Blue''': Ah, exactly! ''[walks off]''
:'''Grover''': Wait, sir! I shall play for you while you eat! ''[gives chase]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': What if a dog was blue, and had feathers, and two skinny legs, and wings, and a long, feathery tail, and a beak, and tiny, tiny ears? What would he be?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': What if a mouse were as big as an elephant, and the elephant had the mouse's ears, and the mouse had the elephant's ears, and the elephant had the mouse's whiskers, and the mouse had the elephant's head, and the elephant's tusks, and the elephant had the mouse's body, and the mouse had the elephant's body, and they both switched tails, and the elephant was as small as a mouse? What do you think would happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': What if a frog had a fly's wings, and a fly's eyes, and a fly's head, and a fly's hairy body, and a fly's legs? Now then, what if the fly had frog's legs, and a frog's head, and last, but not least, a frog's body? What do you think would happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': What if an anteater had long, long legs, and his tail shrunk, and his nose shrunk, and he grew tiny, tiny horns, and a long neck, and many spots? What would he be?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': What if a turtle had a cottontail, and long ears, and a tiny nose, and a rabbit's head, and body, and legs? Now, what if the rabbit had the turtle's shell, and the turtle's flippers, and the turtle's head? Now, what do you think would happen?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A very pregnant Maria berates with a silent Big Bird in front of Gordon's and Susan's apartment in Sesame Street during the middle of the night, as she goes into labor whilst criticizing Big Bird's size and height]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to Big Bird]'' You think you are pretty big, don't you? Hmph! Well, I bet I can be bigger than you. In fact,
:''[Maria turns herself around towards the viewer, and then faces the viewer]''
:'''Maria''': you are nothing compared to how big I could be.
:''[Big Bird walks off in a huff]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' Just look at this.
:''[Maria turns her head around towards the right side of the screen, and back to the viewer, and then takes the very first very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body begins to grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' I'm great.
:''[Maria takes the second very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' Look. Can you see me?
:''[Maria takes the third very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' Can you believe it?
:''[Maria gets very angry, as she takes the fourth very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' Now, I'm bigger than you!
:''[Maria grows angrier and angrier, as she takes the fifth very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' BIGGER THAN A TREE!
:''[Maria takes the sixth very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' ''BIGGER THAN A MOUNTAIN!''
:''[Maria takes the seventh very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger]''
:'''Maria''': ''[to the viewer]'' '''*BIGGER THAN THE WOOOOOORRRRRRLLLLLLDDDDDD*!!!!!!'''
:''[Maria takes the eighth and last very long deep cleansing breath of air slowly and deeply, and her stomach and body grows bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and then explodes, as the screen turns white, and back to Sesame Street, minus Maria]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': This is the cat that sat on my hat. This is the goat that jumped on my coat. This is the fox that ran off with my socks. These are the ants that chewed up my pants. These are the flies that borrowed my ties. This is the moth that ate up my cloth. This is the [[w:Squirrel|glutton]], who ate my last button. And this is me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[in the forest, a little girl, and her mother are walking through the woods towards a garden, as they explore the secrets and wonders of nature; the little girl asks her mother a question about one of the secrets and wonders of nature itself]''
:'''Girl''': ''[to her mother]'' Mama, how do butterflies make more butterflies?
:'''Girl's Mother''': Well, let's look and find out.
:''[in the garden, we see two butterflies, a male one, and a female one, as they both begin a courtship display by showing off their wings; the two butterflies then clasp themselves together to mate, as they both fertilize their egg and sperm cells together; one of the two butterflies watched, as the other butterfly lays her eggs on a nearby leaf; and finally, the two butterflies both fly off into the distance as they abandoned the eggs; we see a close-up view of the butterfly eggs]''
:'''Narrator''': Eggs.
:''[we see through the butterfly eggs, as we see the tiny caterpillars developing inside them; we take a closer look at one of the butterfly eggs, as one of the tiny caterpillars begins to move around; we see the rest of the tiny caterpillars moving around within the butterfly eggs]''
:'''Narrator''': Caterpillars.
:''[the tiny caterpillars all hatched out of the butterfly eggs, and then begin to explore the world around them; we see the tiny caterpillars crawl around the ground, as they munch on some leaves on some nearby plants; the tiny caterpillars grow into bigger caterpillars when they shed their exoskeletons, as colors begin to show on their bodies; the bigger caterpillars continue to crawl around the ground, as they munch on some leaves on some nearby plants; the caterpillars crawled off into the distance, and then disappeared into hiding; one of the caterpillars stopped by to look at the viewer, and then crawls off into the distance; some time later, the caterpillar is crawling on a tree branch, and then crawls right towards underneath the tree branch, and finally hangs upside down; the caterpillar begins to produce and turn into a chrysalis, as he weaves the chrysalis from his tail upside down, then all around his body, and then right up to his head, and finally his entire body is all covered up and hidden inside the chrysalis; the leaves fall off the trees, as autumn falls in the garden, then snow falls to the ground, as winter falls in the garden; the new year begins, as the snow melts away, and then spring falls in the garden; suddenly, the caterpillar has turned into a newly butterfly while he was inside the chrysalis, as he hatches out of the chrysalis, and then crawls onto the top of the chrysalis; the butterfly's body grew long and slender, and the butterfly's wings grew big and colorful; the butterfly begins to leap into the air, and then starts flying around the garden; suddenly, the butterfly notices a nearby flower down below, and then flies down to take a closer look at it; the butterfly lands on the flower's petals, and then looks at the flower's center; the butterfly sticks out his long proboscis, and then sticks it into the flower's center; the butterfly drank up all the nectar out of the flower, shoots his long proboscis back into his mouth, and then looks at the viewer with glee, as the camera zooms in close into the butterfly's head; the butterfly flies off by abandoning the flower, and then flies around the garden, and finally abandons the garden by flying off into the distance, and then lands onto the ground; the screen then pans out, and we see that the butterfly is in the middle of a field, as the butterfly looks around, and then calls out by screaming uncontrollably at the viewer]''
:'''Butterfly''': ''[calling]'' HEY, [[w:Tibi the Take it Back Butterfly|TIBI]]!!!!!!!!!!
:''[the butterfly continues looking around, and then looks at the viewer, as the music ends in the background]''

== See also ==

* [[Kevin Clash]]
* ''[[The Muppet Show]]''
* ''[[Muppets Tonight]]''

== External links ==

{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0063951 | title=Sesame Street}}


[[Category:Children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:Shorty Award winners]]</text>
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    <title>Full Metal Jacket</title>
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[[File:Full Metal Jacket Logo.png|thumb|Bullshit! You didn't convince me. Let me see your real war face!]]
[[File:My Tho, Vietnam. A Viet Cong base camp being. In the foreground is Private First Class Raymond Rumpa, St Paul, Minnesota - NARA - 530621 edit.jpg|thumb|Ain't war hell?]]
[[File:ARVN in action HD-SN-99-02062.JPEG|thumb|The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.]]
'''''[[w:Full Metal Jacket|Full Metal Jacket]]''''' is a [[w:1987 in film|1987 American film]] that follows a group of recruits through [[United States Marine Corps|Marine]] training and their tour of duty in [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]].
: ''Written and directed by [[w:Stanley Kubrick|Stanley Kubrick]], based on the novel [[w:The Short-Timers|The Short-Timers]] by [[w:Gustav Hasford|Gustav Hasford]].''
{{center|'''In Vietnam, the wind doesn't blow. It sucks.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

[[File:Flag of the United States Marine Corps.svg|thumb|Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to Vietnam. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Marines die. That's what we're here for. But the Marine Corps lives forever and that means you live forever.]]
[[File:M14 Stand-off Munitions Disruptor (SMUD) (7414626342).jpg|thumb|The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission!]]
[[File:Marine M-60 machine gun team fighting in the Citadel.jpg|thumb|These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.]]
[[File:Marines Fire From a House Window, February 1968 (16242259837) (cropped).jpg|thumb|I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit. Yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.]]
[[File:7.62.jpg|thumb|7.62 millimeter. Full metal jacket.]]
[[File:3d Battalion, 1st Marines, circa 1966.jpg|thumb|I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!]]

==Private/Sergeant James T. &quot;Joker&quot; Davis==
[[File:Soldiers Laying Down Covering Fire.jpg|thumb|The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.]]
[[File:Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island logo.jpg|thumb|[[W:Parris Island|Parris Island]], [[South Carolina]]—the United States Marine Corps Recruit Depot, an eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.]]
*''[narrating]'' [[W:Parris Island|Parris Island]], [[South Carolina]]—the United States Marine Corps Recruit Depot, an eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.
*''[narrating]'' The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.
*I wanted to see exotic [[Vietnam]]... the crown jewel of [[W:Southeast Asia|Southeast Asia]]. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
*''[narrating]'' Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty. They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds. The drill instructors are proud to see that we are growing beyond their control. The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.
*''[narrating; last lines]'' We have nailed our names in the pages of history enough for today. We hump down to the Perfume River to set in for the night. My thoughts drift back to erect-nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece, and short. I'm in a world of shit, yes, but I am alive. And I am not afraid.

==Gunnery Sgt. Hartman==
[[File:Marine Corps Platoon.jpg|thumb|You can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!]]
[[File:Flag-map of Texas.svg|thumb|Holy dogshit! [[Texas]]? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down.]]
* ''[To Private Pyle when he is unable to climb over an obstacle on a course]'' Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
* ''[Graduation speech to the platoon]'' Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to Vietnam. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Marines die. That's what we're here for. But the Marine Corps lives forever and that means ''you'' live forever.
*The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission! Do you maggots understand?
* ''[Speech to the platoon on Christmas Day]'' Today is Christmas. There will be a magic show at 0930. Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines. God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep Heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the Marine Corps. So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!
*Drop your cocks and grab your socks!

==Sergeant &quot;Crazy&quot; Earl==
*These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

==Private/Sergeant &quot;Cowboy&quot; Evans==
* ''[after he and the other recruits have hazed Pyle by restraining and beating him]'' Remember, it's just a bad dream, fat boy!

==Dialogue==
[[File:UH-1D helicopters in Vietnam 1966.jpg|thumb|You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, then my word is &quot;poontang&quot;.]]
[[File:Stanley Kubrick The Exhibition - TIFF - Full Metal Jacket (16215656639).jpg|thumb|This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.]]
:'''Hartman''': I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be &quot;sir&quot;. Do you maggots understand that?
:'''Recruits:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
:'''Recruits''': '''''SIR, YES, SIR!'''''
:'''Hartman''': If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized, grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on [[Black people|niggers]], [[Jew|kikes]], [[Italians|wops]], or [[W:greaser (derogatory)|greasers]]. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?
:'''Recruits:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you!
:'''Recruits''': '''''SIR, YES, SIR!'''''
:'''Hartman''': What's your name, scumbag?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, Private Brown, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! From now on you're Private Snowball. Do you like that name?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Well there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.
:'''Snowball''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Joker''': ''[under his breath, imitating [[John Wayne]]]'' Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
:'''Hartman''': ''[hearing him]'' Who said that? '''''WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!''''' ''[crossing toward Joker's end of the barracks]'' Who's the slimy little Communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?! Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking ''DIE''! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk! ''[grabs Cowboy by the front of his shirt]'' Was it you, you scroungy little fuck?! Huh?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I'll bet it was you!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Joker''': Sir, I said it, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[releases Cowboy and moves over to Joker]'' Well, no shit. What have we got here? A fucking comedian. Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. ''[punches Joker in the gut; he falls to his knees]'' You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers! I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! ''[Joker does so]'' You had best un-fuck yourself, or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
:'''Joker''': Sir, to kill, sir!
:'''Hartman''': So you're a killer.
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Let me see your war face.
:'''Joker''': Sir?
:'''Hartman''': You got a war face? ''AHHH!!'' ''That's'' a war face. Now let me see your war face! ''[Joker gives one with a not-so-convincingly-fierce yell]'' Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your REAL war face! ''[Joker gives a louder, more convincing prolonged fierce yell, but Hartman is not impressed]'' You don't scare me. Work on it.
:'''Joker''': ''[angrily]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[moves back over to Cowboy]'' What's your excuse?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, excuse for what, sir?
:'''Hartman''': I'm asking the fuckin' questions here, Private! Do you understand?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Well, thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, I am, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do I make you nervous?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir!
:'''Hartman''': &quot;Sir&quot;, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': How tall are you, Private?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, 5'9&quot;, sir!
:'''Hartman''': 5'9&quot;? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, Texas, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Holy dogshit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Are you a peter-puffer?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I'll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound! I'll be watching you. ''[moves over to Pyle]'' Did your parents have any children that lived?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I bet they regret that. You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name, fat body?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Lawrence? Lawrence what... [[Lawrence of Arabia (film)|of Arabia]]?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do you suck dicks?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I don't like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
:'''Pyle''': ''[Smiling]'' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir! ''[Struggles to maintain a straight face]''
:'''Hartman''': Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I'm trying, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle, I'm going to give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs, and skull fuck you! ''[Pyle closes his eyes, still grinning]'' ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I can't help it, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! Get on your knees, Scumbag! ''[Pyle kneels down. Hartman holds out his hand]'' Now choke yourself. ''[Pyle puts his hands around his neck]'' Goddamn it! With ''my'' hand, Numb-nuts! ''[Pyle starts to grab Hartman's hand. Hartman jerks it away]'' Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself! Now, lean forward and choke yourself.'' [Pyle leans into Hartman's hand as Hartman chokes him]'' Are you through grinning?!
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you.
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe, but louder]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit!! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe, but still louder]'' SIR, YES, SIR!
:'''Hartman''': ''[Lets go of Pyle's neck]'' That's enough! Get on your feet. ''[Pyle is gasping for breath, but stands up]'' Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away, and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links, or I will definitely fuck you up!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Left shoulder! ''Hut!'' ''[Lawrence briefly hikes his rifle to his right shoulder and corrects himself, but Hartman notices the error and angrily marches to him]'' Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I don't know, sir!
:'''Hartman''': You ''are'' dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to ''believe'' that you don't know left from right?!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[slaps Private Lawrence's left cheek]'' What side was ''that'', Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, left side, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''Are you '''sure''', Private Pyle?!''
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[slaps Private Lawrence's right cheek; knocking his cover off]'' ''What side was '''that''', Private Pyle?!''
:'''Pyle''': ''[barely holding it together]'' Sir, right side, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Don't fuck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your fuckin' cover!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman:''' Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name, because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her purty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece, this weapon of iron and wood, and you ''will'' be faithful! Port, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits grab their rifles]'' Prepare to mount! ''[Recruits step back towards their bunks.]'' ''Mount!'' ''[Recruits quickly hop onto their bunks]'' Port, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits grab their rifles and hold them up]'' Pray!
:'''Recruits:''' ''[simultaneously]'' This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
:'''Hartman:''' Order, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits lay their rifles at their sides]'' At ease! ''[shuts the lights off]'' Good night, ladies.
:'''Recruits:''' Good night, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[to Night Watchman]'' Hit it, sweetheart.
:'''Night Watchman''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Next two privates, go! Quickly! ''[To Lawrence as he struggles on an obstacle course]'' Get your fat ass over there, Private Pyle. Oh, that's right, Private Pyle. Don't make any fucking effort to get up to the top of the fucking obstacle! If God wanted you up there, He would've miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Get your fat ass up there, Pyle!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': What the hell is the matter with you anyway? I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle...
:'''Pyle''': ''[falling off again]'' Shit!
:'''Hartman''': ...you could get up there, couldn't you?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum, Pyle! You know that?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Private Cowboy, Private Joker.
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.
:'''Joker &amp; Cowboy''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump.
:'''Joker &amp; Cowboy''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
:'''Joker''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[Throws the trash can aside in anger]'' Well, Private Joker, '''''I DON'T BELIEVE''''' I heard you correctly.
:'''Joker''': Sir, the private said &quot;No, sir&quot;, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Why, you little maggot! You make me wanna vomit! ''[Slaps Joker across the face]'' You god damn communist heathen! You had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now, you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?
:'''Joker''': Sir, negative, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
:'''Joker''': Sir, negative, sir! Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong, and the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Who's your squad leader, scumbag?
:'''Joker''': Sir, the private's squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Snowball!
:'''Snowball''': Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker is promoted to squad leader.
:'''Snowball''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Disappear, scumbag!
:'''Snowball''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle, from now on, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything, he'll teach you how to pee!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough. Now, you ladies carry on.
:'''Cowboy, Joker &amp; Pyle''': ''[together]'' Sir, aye-aye, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman:''' ''[inspecting recruits' finger/toenails, as they stand on their footlockers]'' Trim 'em. Toe jam. Pop that blister. ''[sees Lawrence's footlocker is not secured]'' Jesus H. Christ. Private Pyle, ''why is your footlocker unlocked?!''
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, I don't know, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that, don't you?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' '''''GET DOWN!''''' ''[Lawrence steps down; Hartman opens the footlocker]'' Well, now, let's just see if there's anything missing! ''[rummages through it; finds a jelly donut]'' Holy Jesus. What is that? '''''What''''' the '''''fuck''''' is that? ''[holds it up in Lawrence's face between thumb and forefinger]'' '''''WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?!'''''
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, a jelly donut, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' A jelly donut?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' How did it get here?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Are you allowed to eat jelly donuts, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' And why not, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Then why did you hide a jelly donut in your footlocker, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Because you were hungry... ''[pacing the barracks, still holding the donut]'' Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon! I have tried to help him, but I have failed! I have failed because ''you'' have ''not'' helped me! You people have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him. I will punish all of '''you!''' And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for one jelly donut! Now get on your faces! ''[Recruits get into push-up position; to Lawrence]'' Open your mouth! ''[Lawrence does so and Hartman shoves the donut into his mouth]'' They're payin' for it, ''you'' eat it! ''[to recruits]'' Ready, exercise!
:'''Recruits beside Pyle:''' ''[doing push-ups]'' 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! ''[Lawrence eats the donut, looking ready to cry]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Do any of you people know who [[w:Charles Whitman|Charles Whitman]] was? None of you dumbasses knows?  ''[Cowboy raises his hand]'' Private Cowboy?
:'''Cowboy''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, he was that guy who [[w:University of Texas tower shooting|shot all those people]] from [[w:Main Building (University of Texas at Austin)|that tower in Austin]], Texas, sir!
:'''Hartman''': That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed 12 people from a 28-story observation tower at the University of Texas, from distances of up to 400 yards. Anybody know who [[w:Lee Harvey Oswald|Lee Harvey Oswald]] was? ''[all recruits raise their hands]'' Private Snowball?
:'''Snowball''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he shot]] [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]], sir!
:'''Hartman''': That's right. And do you know how far away he was?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, it was pretty far, from [[w:Texas School Book Depository|that book suppository building]], sir! ''[the recruits laugh]''
:'''Hartman''': All right, knock it off. 250 feet. ''[Snowball sits down]'' He was 250 feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt-action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a headshot. Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot? ''[Joker raises his hand]'' Private Joker?
:'''Joker''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, in the Marines, sir!
:'''Hartman''': In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will all be able to do the same thing!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joker:''' ''[narrating]'' Our last night on the island. I draw fire watch.
:''[Joker goes into the head to find Private Lawrence sitting on a head with his rifle and loading rounds into a magazine]''
:'''Pyle:''' ''[smiles eerily]'' ''Hi, '''Joker.'''''
:'''Joker:''' ''[worried]'' Are those... live rounds?
:'''Pyle:''' 7.62 millimeter. ''[loads another round into the magazine]'' '''''Full... Metal... Jacket.'''''
:'''Joker:''' ''[shaken]'' Leonard... if Hartman comes in here and catches us... we'll both be in a world of shit.
:'''Pyle:''' I ''am...'' in a world... of ''shit!'' ''[loads the last round into the magazine, throws it on the floor, grabs the rifle, and begins drilling loudly]'' Left shoulder, ''hut!'' ''[flips the rifle to his left shoulder]'' Right shoulder, ''hut!'' ''[flips the rifle to his right shoulder]'' Lock and load! ''[inserts magazine into the rifle, chambers a round]'' Order, ''hut!'' ''[brings the rifle down to the &quot;order arms&quot; position]'' This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine! My rifle is my best friend! It is my life!
:''[Other recruits wake up and get out of their beds to see what is happening; Hartman storms out of his bedroom]''
:'''Hartman''': ''[to recruits]'' Get back in your bunks!
:'''Pyle:''' I must master it as I must master my life!
:'''Hartman''': ''[storms into the head]'' What is this Mickey Mouse shit?!
:'''Pyle:''' Without me, my rifle is useless!
:'''Hartman''': ''What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are '''you''' animals doing in '''my''' head?!'' ''[to Joker]'' '''Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out?! Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon?! Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?!'''
:'''Joker''': Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the Senior Drill Instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine and has locked and loaded, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[calmly and sternly, to Lawrence]'' Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle, and you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it ''now.'' You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet and step back away from it. ''[Lawrence insanely and eerily smiles and aims at Hartman's chest. Hartman realises what Lawrence is doing; angrily bellowing]'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?! DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!''''' ''[Lawrence shoots and kills him, then swings the barrel slowly up toward Joker]''
:'''Joker''': Easy, Leonard. Go easy, man. ''[Lawrence lowers it, sits on a latrine, and puts the muzzle in his mouth]'' ''[alarmed]'' '''''NO!!''''' ''[Lawrence pulls the trigger, killing himself and splattering his brains across the wall, leaving Joker horrified at the sight]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Hey, baby. You got girlfriend Vietnam?
:'''Joker''': Not just this minute.
:'''Hooker:''' Well, baby, me so horny. ''Me so horny! Me love you long time.'' You party?
:'''Joker''': Yeah, we might party. How much?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': $15.
:'''Joker''': $15 for both of us?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': No. Each you $15. Me love you long time. Me so ''horny''.
:'''Joker''': $15 too ''beaucoup.'' $5 each.
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Me sucky-sucky. Me love you too much.
:'''Joker''': $5 is all my mom allows me to spend.
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Okay. $10 each.
:'''Joker''': What do we get for $10?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Every t'ing you want.
:'''Joker''': Everything?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Every t'ing.
:'''Joker''': ''[to Rafterman]'' Well, old buddy, feel like spending some of your hard-earned money?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helicopter Door Gunner opens fire, and Rafterman is uncomfortably nauseous]''
:'''Door Gunner:''' Get some! Get some! ''[continues firing]'' Get some! Get some! Yeah! Yeah! Get some! Get some! Come on! Come on! ''[continues firing]'' Get some! ''[continues firing]'' Ha-ha! Get some, baby! Get some! Get some! Get some! Get some! Get some! Come on! Get it! Come on! Get some! Get some! Yeah-yeah-yeah! I've got you, mother! ''[stops firing]'' Ha-ha! ''[looks at Joker and Raftman]'' Anyone who runs is a VC! Anyone who stands still is a well-disciplined VC! ''[laughs]'' You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!
:'''Joker:''' Why should we do a story about you?!
:'''Door Gunner:''' 'Cause I'm so fuckin' good! That ain't no shit, neither! I've done got me 157 dead gooks killed. And 50 water buffaloes, too! Them're all certified!
:'''Joker:''' Any women or children?!
:'''Door Gunner:''' Sometimes!
:'''Joker:''' How can you shoot women and children?!
:''[Rafterman gags in disgust]''
:'''Door Gunner:''' Easy! You just don't lead 'em so much! ''[laughs]'' Ain't war Hell?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Colonel:''' Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
:'''Joker:''' A peace symbol, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Where'd you get it?
:'''Joker:''' I don't remember, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' What is that you've got written on your helmet?
:'''Joker:''' &quot;Born to kill&quot;, sir.
[[File:Born To Kill (8538588167).jpg|thumb|You write &quot;born to kill&quot; on your helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?]]
:'''Colonel:''' You write &quot;born to kill&quot; on your helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
:'''Joker:''' No, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' What is it supposed to mean?
:'''Joker:''' I don't know, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' You don't know very much, do you?
:'''Joker:''' No, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' You better get your head and your ass wired together, or I ''will'' take a giant shit on you.
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Now answer my question, or you'll be standing tall before the man.
:'''Joker:''' I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' The what?
[[File:ETH-BIB-Jung, Carl Gustav (1875-1961)-Portrait-Portr 14163 (cropped).tif|thumb|The duality of man; the [[Carl Jung|Jungian]] thing, sir.]]
:'''Joker:''' The duality of man; the [[Carl Jung|Jungian]] thing, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Whose side are you on, son?
:'''Joker:''' Our side, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Don't you love your country?
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Then how 'bout getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Son, all I've ever asked of my Marines is for them to obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook, there is an American trying to get out. It's a hard-ball world, son. We've gotta try to keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
:'''Joker:''' ''[salutes]'' Aye-aye, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Standing over the bodies of two dead squad-mates]''
:'''T.H.E. Rock''': You're going home now.
:'''Crazy Earl''': Semper Fi.
:'''Donlon''': We're mean Marines, sir.
:'''Eightball''': Go easy, bros.
:'''Animal Mother''': Better you than me.
:'''Rafterman''': Well, at least they died for a good cause.
:'''Animal Mother''': What cause was that?
:'''Rafterman''': Freedom.
:'''Animal Mother''': Flush out your headgear, New Guy. You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, then my word is &quot;poontang.&quot;

==Taglines==
* In Vietnam, the wind doesn't blow. It sucks.
* Vietnam can kill me, but it can't make me care.

==Cast==
* [[w:Matthew Modine|Matthew Modine]] - Private/Sergeant James T. &quot;Joker&quot; Davis
* [[w:Vincent D'Onofrio|Vincent D'Onofrio]] - Private Leonard &quot;Gomer Pyle&quot; Lawrence
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
* [[w:Adam Baldwin|Adam Baldwin]] - Animal Mother
* [[w:Dorian Harewood|Dorian Harewood]] - Private Eightball
* [[w:Arliss Howard|Arliss Howard]] - Private/Sergeant &quot;Cowboy&quot; Evans
* [[w:Kevyn Major Howard|Kevyn Major Howard]] - Rafterman
* [[w:Ed O'Ross|Ed O'Ross]] - Lieutenant Touchdown / Walter J. Schinoski
* [[w:John Terry (actor)|John Terry]] - Lieutenant Lockhart
* [[w:Kieron Jecchinis|Kieron Jecchinis]] - &quot;Crazy&quot; Earl
* [[w:Kirk Taylor|Kirk Taylor]] - Payback
* [[w:Peter Edmund|Peter Edmund]] - Private &quot;Snowball&quot; Brown
* [[w:Tim Colceri|Tim Colceri]] - Doorgunner
* [[w:Gil Kopel|Gil Kopel]] - Stork

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://fullmetaljacketquotes.net/ Full Metal Jacket quotes]
* {{imdb title|id=0093058|title=Full Metal Jacket}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=full_metal_jacket|title=Full Metal Jacket}}

[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Anti-war films]]
[[Category:1980s British films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Vietnam War films]]
[[Category:Films set in South Carolina]]
[[Category:Films directed by Stanley Kubrick]]
[[Category:Films about the United States Marine Corps]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1960s]]

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[[File:Full Metal Jacket Logo.png|thumb|Bullshit! You didn't convince me. Let me see your real war face!]]
[[File:My Tho, Vietnam. A Viet Cong base camp being. In the foreground is Private First Class Raymond Rumpa, St Paul, Minnesota - NARA - 530621 edit.jpg|thumb|Ain't war hell?]]
[[File:ARVN in action HD-SN-99-02062.JPEG|thumb|The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.]]
'''''[[w:Full Metal Jacket|Full Metal Jacket]]''''' is a [[w:1987 in film|1987 American film]] that follows a group of recruits through [[United States Marine Corps|Marine]] training and their tour of duty in [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]].
: ''Written and directed by [[w:Stanley Kubrick|Stanley Kubrick]], based on the novel [[w:The Short-Timers|The Short-Timers]] by [[w:Gustav Hasford|Gustav Hasford]].''
{{center|'''In Vietnam, the wind doesn't blow. It sucks.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

[[File:Flag of the United States Marine Corps.svg|thumb|Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to Vietnam. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Marines die. That's what we're here for. But the Marine Corps lives forever and that means you live forever.]]
[[File:M14 Stand-off Munitions Disruptor (SMUD) (7414626342).jpg|thumb|The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission!]]
[[File:Marine M-60 machine gun team fighting in the Citadel.jpg|thumb|These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.]]
[[File:Marines Fire From a House Window, February 1968 (16242259837) (cropped).jpg|thumb|I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit. Yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.]]
[[File:7.62.jpg|thumb|7.62 millimeter. Full metal jacket.]]
[[File:3d Battalion, 1st Marines, circa 1966.jpg|thumb|I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!]]

==Private/Sergeant James T. &quot;Joker&quot; Davis==
[[File:Soldiers Laying Down Covering Fire.jpg|thumb|The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.]]
[[File:Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island logo.jpg|thumb|[[W:Parris Island|Parris Island]], [[South Carolina]]—the United States Marine Corps Recruit Depot, an eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.]]
*''[narrating]'' [[W:Parris Island|Parris Island]], [[South Carolina]]—the United States Marine Corps Recruit Depot, an eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.
*''[narrating]'' The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.
*I wanted to see exotic [[Vietnam]]... the crown jewel of [[W:Southeast Asia|Southeast Asia]]. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
*''[narrating]'' Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty. They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds. The drill instructors are proud to see that we are growing beyond their control. The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.
*''[narrating; last lines]'' We have nailed our names in the pages of history enough for today. We hump down to the Perfume River to set in for the night. My thoughts drift back to erect-nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece, and short. I'm in a world of shit, yes, but I am alive. And I am not afraid.

==Gunnery Sgt. Hartman==
[[File:Marine Corps Platoon.jpg|thumb|You can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!]]
[[File:Flag-map of Texas.svg|thumb|Holy dogshit! [[Texas]]? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down.]]
* ''[To Private Pyle when he is unable to climb over an obstacle on a course]'' Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
* ''[Graduation speech to the platoon]'' Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to Vietnam. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Marines die. That's what we're here for. But the Marine Corps lives forever and that means ''you'' live forever.
*The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong, you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because Marines are not allowed to die without permission! Do you maggots understand?
* ''[Speech to the platoon on Christmas Day]'' Today is Christmas. There will be a magic show at 0930. Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines. God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep Heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the Marine Corps. So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!
*Drop your cocks and grab your socks!

==Sergeant &quot;Crazy&quot; Earl==
*These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

==Private/Sergeant &quot;Cowboy&quot; Evans==
* ''[after he and the other recruits have hazed Pyle by restraining and beating him]'' Remember, it's just a bad dream, fat boy!

==Dialogue==
[[File:UH-1D helicopters in Vietnam 1966.jpg|thumb|You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, then my word is &quot;poontang&quot;.]]
[[File:Stanley Kubrick The Exhibition - TIFF - Full Metal Jacket (16215656639).jpg|thumb|This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.]]
:'''Hartman''': I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be &quot;sir&quot;. Do you maggots understand that?
:'''Recruits:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
:'''Recruits''': '''''SIR, YES, SIR!'''''
:'''Hartman''': If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized, grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on [[Black people|niggers]], [[Jew|kikes]], [[Italians|wops]], or [[W:greaser (derogatory)|greasers]]. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?
:'''Recruits:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you!
:'''Recruits''': '''''SIR, YES, SIR!'''''
:'''Hartman''': What's your name, scumbag?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, Private Brown, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! From now on you're Private Snowball. Do you like that name?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Well there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.
:'''Snowball''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Joker''': ''[under his breath, imitating [[John Wayne]]]'' Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
:'''Hartman''': ''[hearing him]'' Who said that? '''''WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!''''' ''[crossing toward Joker's end of the barracks]'' Who's the slimy little Communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?! Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking ''DIE''! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk! ''[grabs Cowboy by the front of his shirt]'' Was it you, you scroungy little fuck?! Huh?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I'll bet it was you!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Joker''': Sir, I said it, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[releases Cowboy and moves over to Joker]'' Well, no shit. What have we got here? A fucking comedian. Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. ''[punches Joker in the gut; he falls to his knees]'' You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers! I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! ''[Joker does so]'' You had best un-fuck yourself, or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
:'''Joker''': Sir, to kill, sir!
:'''Hartman''': So you're a killer.
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Let me see your war face.
:'''Joker''': Sir?
:'''Hartman''': You got a war face? ''AHHH!!'' ''That's'' a war face. Now let me see your war face! ''[Joker gives one with a not-so-convincingly-fierce yell]'' Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your REAL war face! ''[Joker gives a louder, more convincing prolonged fierce yell, but Hartman is not impressed]'' You don't scare me. Work on it.
:'''Joker''': ''[angrily]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[moves back over to Cowboy]'' What's your excuse?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, excuse for what, sir?
:'''Hartman''': I'm asking the fuckin' questions here, Private! Do you understand?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Well, thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, I am, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do I make you nervous?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir!
:'''Hartman''': &quot;Sir&quot;, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': How tall are you, Private?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, 5'9&quot;, sir!
:'''Hartman''': 5'9&quot;? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, Texas, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Holy dogshit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Are you a peter-puffer?!
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I'll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound! I'll be watching you. ''[moves over to Pyle]'' Did your parents have any children that lived?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I bet they regret that. You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name, fat body?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Lawrence? Lawrence what... [[Lawrence of Arabia (film)|of Arabia]]?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do you suck dicks?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I don't like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
:'''Pyle''': ''[Smiling]'' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir! ''[Struggles to maintain a straight face]''
:'''Hartman''': Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I'm trying, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle, I'm going to give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs, and skull fuck you! ''[Pyle closes his eyes, still grinning]'' ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I can't help it, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! Get on your knees, Scumbag! ''[Pyle kneels down. Hartman holds out his hand]'' Now choke yourself. ''[Pyle puts his hands around his neck]'' Goddamn it! With ''my'' hand, Numb-nuts! ''[Pyle starts to grab Hartman's hand. Hartman jerks it away]'' Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself! Now, lean forward and choke yourself.'' [Pyle leans into Hartman's hand as Hartman chokes him]'' Are you through grinning?!
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit! I can't hear you.
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe, but louder]'' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Bullshit!! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
:'''Pyle''': ''[Struggling to breathe, but still louder]'' SIR, YES, SIR!
:'''Hartman''': ''[Lets go of Pyle's neck]'' That's enough! Get on your feet. ''[Pyle is gasping for breath, but stands up]'' Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away, and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links, or I will definitely fuck you up!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Left shoulder! ''Hut!'' ''[Lawrence briefly hikes his rifle to his right shoulder and corrects himself, but Hartman notices the error and angrily marches to him]'' Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, I don't know, sir!
:'''Hartman''': You ''are'' dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to ''believe'' that you don't know left from right?!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[slaps Private Lawrence's left cheek]'' What side was ''that'', Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, left side, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''Are you '''sure''', Private Pyle?!''
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[slaps Private Lawrence's right cheek; knocking his cover off]'' ''What side was '''that''', Private Pyle?!''
:'''Pyle''': ''[barely holding it together]'' Sir, right side, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Don't fuck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your fuckin' cover!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman:''' Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name, because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her purty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece, this weapon of iron and wood, and you ''will'' be faithful! Port, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits grab their rifles]'' Prepare to mount! ''[Recruits step back towards their bunks.]'' ''Mount!'' ''[Recruits quickly hop onto their bunks]'' Port, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits grab their rifles and hold them up]'' Pray!
:'''Recruits:''' ''[simultaneously]'' This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
:'''Hartman:''' Order, ''hut!'' ''[Recruits lay their rifles at their sides]'' At ease! ''[shuts the lights off]'' Good night, ladies.
:'''Recruits:''' Good night, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[to Night Watchman]'' Hit it, sweetheart.
:'''Night Watchman''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Next two privates, go! Quickly! ''[To Lawrence as he struggles on an obstacle course]'' Get your fat ass over there, Private Pyle. Oh, that's right, Private Pyle. Don't make any fucking effort to get up to the top of the fucking obstacle! If God wanted you up there, He would've miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Get your fat ass up there, Pyle!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': What the hell is the matter with you anyway? I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle...
:'''Pyle''': ''[falling off again]'' Shit!
:'''Hartman''': ...you could get up there, couldn't you?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum, Pyle! You know that?
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Private Cowboy, Private Joker.
:'''Cowboy''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Joker''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.
:'''Joker &amp; Cowboy''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump.
:'''Joker &amp; Cowboy''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
:'''Joker''': Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[Throws the trash can aside in anger]'' Well, Private Joker, '''''I DON'T BELIEVE''''' I heard you correctly.
:'''Joker''': Sir, the private said &quot;No, sir&quot;, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Why, you little maggot! You make me wanna vomit! ''[Slaps Joker across the face]'' You god damn communist heathen! You had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now, you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?
:'''Joker''': Sir, negative, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
:'''Joker''': Sir, negative, sir! Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong, and the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Who's your squad leader, scumbag?
:'''Joker''': Sir, the private's squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Snowball!
:'''Snowball''': Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker is promoted to squad leader.
:'''Snowball''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Disappear, scumbag!
:'''Snowball''': Sir, aye-aye, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Pyle, from now on, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything, he'll teach you how to pee!
:'''Pyle''': Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman''': Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough. Now, you ladies carry on.
:'''Cowboy, Joker &amp; Pyle''': ''[together]'' Sir, aye-aye, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Hartman:''' ''[inspecting recruits' finger/toenails, as they stand on their footlockers]'' Trim 'em. Toe jam. Pop that blister. ''[sees Lawrence's footlocker is not secured]'' Jesus H. Christ. Private Pyle, ''why is your footlocker unlocked?!''
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, I don't know, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that, don't you?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' '''''GET DOWN!''''' ''[Lawrence steps down; Hartman opens the footlocker]'' Well, now, let's just see if there's anything missing! ''[rummages through it; finds a jelly donut]'' Holy Jesus. What is that? '''''What''''' the '''''fuck''''' is that? ''[holds it up in Lawrence's face between thumb and forefinger]'' '''''WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?!'''''
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, a jelly donut, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' A jelly donut?!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' How did it get here?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Are you allowed to eat jelly donuts, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, no, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' And why not, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, yes, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Then why did you hide a jelly donut in your footlocker, Private Pyle?
:'''Pyle:''' Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
:'''Hartman:''' Because you were hungry... ''[pacing the barracks, still holding the donut]'' Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon! I have tried to help him, but I have failed! I have failed because ''you'' have ''not'' helped me! You people have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him. I will punish all of '''you!''' And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for one jelly donut! Now get on your faces! ''[Recruits get into push-up position; to Lawrence]'' Open your mouth! ''[Lawrence does so and Hartman shoves the donut into his mouth]'' They're payin' for it, ''you'' eat it! ''[to recruits]'' Ready, exercise!
:'''Recruits beside Pyle:''' ''[doing push-ups]'' 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! I love Marine Corps! 1-2-3-4! ''[Lawrence eats the donut, looking ready to cry]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hartman''': Do any of you people know who [[w:Charles Whitman|Charles Whitman]] was? None of you dumbasses knows?  ''[Cowboy raises his hand]'' Private Cowboy?
:'''Cowboy''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, he was that guy who [[w:University of Texas tower shooting|shot all those people]] from [[w:Main Building (University of Texas at Austin)|that tower in Austin]], Texas, sir!
:'''Hartman''': That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed 12 people from a 28-story observation tower at the University of Texas, from distances of up to 400 yards. Anybody know who [[w:Lee Harvey Oswald|Lee Harvey Oswald]] was? ''[all recruits raise their hands]'' Private Snowball?
:'''Snowball''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|he shot]] [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]], sir!
:'''Hartman''': That's right. And do you know how far away he was?
:'''Snowball''': Sir, it was pretty far, from [[w:Texas School Book Depository|that book suppository building]], sir! ''[the recruits laugh]''
:'''Hartman''': All right, knock it off. 250 feet. ''[Snowball sits down]'' He was 250 feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt-action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a headshot. Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot? ''[Joker raises his hand]'' Private Joker?
:'''Joker''': ''[stands up]'' Sir, in the Marines, sir!
:'''Hartman''': In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will all be able to do the same thing!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joker:''' ''[narrating]'' Our last night on the island. I draw fire watch.
:''[Joker goes into the head to find Private Lawrence sitting on a head with his rifle and loading rounds into a magazine]''
:'''Pyle:''' ''[smiles eerily]'' ''Hi, '''Joker.'''''
:'''Joker:''' ''[worried]'' Are those... live rounds?
:'''Pyle:''' 7.62 millimeter. ''[loads another round into the magazine]'' '''''Full... Metal... Jacket.'''''
:'''Joker:''' ''[shaken]'' Leonard... if Hartman comes in here and catches us... we'll both be in a world of shit.
:'''Pyle:''' I ''am...'' in a world... of ''shit!'' ''[loads the last round into the magazine, throws it on the floor, grabs the rifle, and begins drilling loudly]'' Left shoulder, ''hut!'' ''[flips the rifle to his left shoulder]'' Right shoulder, ''hut!'' ''[flips the rifle to his right shoulder]'' Lock and load! ''[inserts magazine into the rifle, chambers a round]'' Order, ''hut!'' ''[brings the rifle down to the &quot;order arms&quot; position]'' This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine! My rifle is my best friend! It is my life!
:''[Other recruits wake up and get out of their beds to see what is happening; Hartman storms out of his bedroom]''
:'''Hartman''': ''[to recruits]'' Get back in your bunks!
:'''Pyle:''' I must master it as I must master my life!
:'''Hartman''': ''[storms into the head]'' What is this Mickey Mouse shit?!
:'''Pyle:''' Without me, my rifle is useless!
:'''Hartman''': ''What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are '''you''' animals doing in '''my''' head?!'' ''[to Joker]'' '''Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out?! Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon?! Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?!'''
:'''Joker''': Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the Senior Drill Instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine and has locked and loaded, sir!
:'''Hartman''': ''[calmly and sternly, to Lawrence]'' Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle, and you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it ''now.'' You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet and step back away from it. ''[Lawrence insanely and eerily smiles and aims at Hartman's chest. Hartman realises what Lawrence is doing; angrily bellowing]'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?! DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!''''' ''[Lawrence shoots and kills him, then swings the barrel slowly up toward Joker]''
:'''Joker''': Easy, Leonard. Go easy, man. ''[Lawrence lowers it, sits on a latrine, and puts the muzzle in his mouth]'' ''[alarmed]'' '''''NO!!''''' ''[Lawrence pulls the trigger, killing himself and splattering his brains across the wall, leaving Joker horrified at the sight]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Hey, baby. You got girlfriend Vietnam?
:'''Joker''': Not just this minute.
:'''Hooker:''' Well, baby, me so horny. ''Me so horny! Me love you long time.'' You party?
:'''Joker''': Yeah, we might party. How much?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': $15.
:'''Joker''': $15 for both of us?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': No. Each you $15. Me love you long time. Me so ''horny''.
:'''Joker''': $15 too ''beaucoup.'' $5 each.
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Me sucky-sucky. Me love you too much.
:'''Joker''': $5 is all my mom allows me to spend.
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Okay. $10 each.
:'''Joker''': What do we get for $10?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Every t'ing you want.
:'''Joker''': Everything?
:'''Da Nang Hooker''': Every t'ing.
:'''Joker''': ''[to Rafterman]'' Well, old buddy, feel like spending some of your hard-earned money?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Helicopter Door Gunner opens fire, and Rafterman is uncomfortably nauseous]''
:'''Door Gunner:''' Get some! Get some! ''[continues firing]'' Get some! Get some! Yeah! Yeah! Get some! Get some! Come on! Come on! ''[continues firing]'' Get some! ''[continues firing]'' Ha-ha! Get some, baby! Get some! Get some! Get some! Get some! Get some! Come on! Get it! Come on! Get some! Get some! Yeah-yeah-yeah! I've got you, mother! ''[stops firing]'' Ha-ha! ''[looks at Joker and Raftman]'' Anyone who runs is a VC! Anyone who stands still is a well-disciplined VC! ''[laughs]'' You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!
:'''Joker:''' Why should we do a story about you?!
:'''Door Gunner:''' 'Cause I'm so fuckin' good! That ain't no shit, neither! I've done got me 157 dead gooks killed. And 50 water buffaloes, too! Them're all certified!
:'''Joker:''' Any women or children?!
:'''Door Gunner:''' Sometimes!
:'''Joker:''' How can you shoot women and children?!
:''[Rafterman gags in disgust]''
:'''Door Gunner:''' Easy! You just don't lead 'em so much! ''[laughs]'' Ain't war Hell?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Colonel:''' Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
:'''Joker:''' A peace symbol, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Where'd you get it?
:'''Joker:''' I don't remember, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' What is that you've got written on your helmet?
:'''Joker:''' &quot;Born to kill&quot;, sir.
[[File:Born To Kill (8538588167).jpg|thumb|You write &quot;born to kill&quot; on your helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?]]
:'''Colonel:''' You write &quot;born to kill&quot; on your helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
:'''Joker:''' No, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' What is it supposed to mean?
:'''Joker:''' I don't know, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' You don't know very much, do you?
:'''Joker:''' No, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' You better get your head and your ass wired together, or I ''will'' take a giant shit on you.
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Now answer my question, or you'll be standing tall before the man.
:'''Joker:''' I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' The what?
[[File:ETH-BIB-Jung, Carl Gustav (1875-1961)-Portrait-Portr 14163 (cropped).tif|thumb|The duality of man; the [[Carl Jung|Jungian]] thing, sir.]]
:'''Joker:''' The duality of man; the [[Carl Jung|Jungian]] thing, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Whose side are you on, son?
:'''Joker:''' Our side, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Don't you love your country?
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Then how 'bout getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?
:'''Joker:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Colonel:''' Son, all I've ever asked of my Marines is for them to obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook, there is an American trying to get out. It's a hard-ball world, son. We've gotta try to keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
:'''Joker:''' ''[salutes]'' Aye-aye, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Standing over the bodies of two dead squad-mates]''
:'''T.H.E. Rock''': You're going home now.
:'''Crazy Earl''': Semper Fi.
:'''Donlon''': We're mean Marines, sir.
:'''Eightball''': Go easy, bros.
:'''Animal Mother''': Better you than me.
:'''Rafterman''': Well, at least they died for a good cause.
:'''Animal Mother''': What cause was that?
:'''Rafterman''': Freedom.
:'''Animal Mother''': Flush out your headgear, New Guy. You think we waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter. If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, then my word is &quot;poontang.&quot;

==Taglines==
* In Vietnam, the wind doesn't blow. It sucks.
* Vietnam can kill me, but it can't make me care.

==Cast==
* [[w:Matthew Modine|Matthew Modine]] - Private/Sergeant James T. &quot;Joker&quot; Davis
* [[w:Vincent D'Onofrio|Vincent D'Onofrio]] - Private Leonard &quot;Gomer Pyle&quot; Lawrence
* [[w:R. Lee Ermey|R. Lee Ermey]] - Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
* [[w:Adam Baldwin|Adam Baldwin]] - Animal Mother
* [[w:Dorian Harewood|Dorian Harewood]] - Private Eightball
* [[w:Arliss Howard|Arliss Howard]] - Private/Sergeant &quot;Cowboy&quot; Evans
* [[w:Kevyn Major Howard|Kevyn Major Howard]] - Rafterman
* [[w:Ed O'Ross|Ed O'Ross]] - Lieutenant Touchdown / Walter J. Schinoski
* [[w:John Terry (actor)|John Terry]] - Lieutenant Lockhart
* [[w:Kieron Jecchinis|Kieron Jecchinis]] - &quot;Crazy&quot; Earl
* [[w:Kirk Taylor|Kirk Taylor]] - Payback
* [[w:Peter Edmund|Peter Edmund]] - Private &quot;Snowball&quot; Brown
* [[w:Tim Colceri|Tim Colceri]] - Doorgunner
* [[w:Gil Kopel|Gil Kopel]] - Stork

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://fullmetaljacketquotes.net/ Full Metal Jacket quotes]
* {{imdb title|id=0093058|title=Full Metal Jacket}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=full_metal_jacket|title=Full Metal Jacket}}

[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Anti-war films]]
[[Category:1980s British films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]
[[Category:Vietnam War films]]
[[Category:Films set in South Carolina]]
[[Category:Films directed by Stanley Kubrick]]
[[Category:Films about the United States Marine Corps]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1960s]]

[[es:Full Metal Jacket]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Yellow Submarine (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951968</id>
      <parentid>3717640</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:29:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Nellie.mmccrr4lif</username>
        <id>3340608</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */ I added dialogue for the Boob, one of my fav characters :)</comment>
      <origin>3951968</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17896" sha1="87ovja0gkjku0g16vsae7mfx8p0zt71" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Yellow Submarine (film)|Yellow Submarine]]''''' is a [[w:1968 in film|1968]] British animated film designed to present [[The Beatles]] music set to various images.
''Directed by George Dunning and written by Al Brodax and Jack Mendelsohn.''
{{center|'''It's all in the mind, y'know!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Ringo Starr==
* Woe is me, heh...[[Liverpool]] can be a lonely place on a Saturday night, and this is only Thursday morning.
* I'd jump into the river [[W:Mersey|Mersey]], but it looks like rain. ''[sighs]'' Nothing ever happens to me.
* I could have sworn I was being followed by a yellow submarine...But that isn't logical now, is it? It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes, or a figment of me imagination...But I don't ''have'' an [[imagination]].
* ''[to John]'' I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach. Just listen to Old Fred.
* Help! &quot;H&quot; is for hurry! ''[later]'' Help! &quot;E&quot; is for ergent! ''[later]'' Help! &quot;L&quot; is for love me! ''[later, while being chased by an injun]'' Help! &quot;P&quot; is for please!
* ''[regarding Jeremy]'' He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows.

== The Chief Blue Meanie ==
* Glove, Glove, come here, Glove. Look out there, and what do you see? Tell him, Max. ''['''Max:''' Someone running, Glove.]'' Yes. Well, you'll soon put a stop to that, won't you, Glovey? Go, Glove! Point, and having pointed, POUNCE! GO!
* Oh, I haven't laughed so much since [[W:Pompeii|Pompeii]]!
* What?! WHAT?! ''WHAT?!'' THE GLOVE'S LOSING HIS TOUCH! ''[knocks down Max and runs up to the exploding clown]'' DO YOUR WORST! ''[laughing mad]'' ''Explode them!''
* A thing of beauty...DESTROY IT FOREVER!
**A pun on the opening line of the [[w:John Keats|John Keats]] poem [[w:Endymion (poem)|Endymion]]: &quot;A thing of beauty is a joy forever.&quot;
* My dear friend... ''[one of the Blue Meanies nods to the audience]'' let us not forget that heaven is blue...'''''TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!''''' ''Bring in my bloopers...''
* Ah, here you are, my glovey-dovey. Go get thee hence, and destroy yon upstarts. '''''SMASH THEM! SQUASH THEM! CRUSH THEM!''''' ''O-blue-terate them!''

==Jeremy Hillary Boob , Ph.D, the Nowhere Man==
* Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid pro quo! So little time. So ''much'' to know!
* ''[writing with his foot]'' The footnotes for my 19th  book! This is my standard procedure for doing it; and while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it!
* Yes! Ah, &quot;yes&quot; is a word with a glorious ring!&lt;br&gt;A true universal, [[wikt:euphonious|euphonious]] thing!&lt;br&gt;Engenders embracing and chasing of blues!&lt;br&gt;The very best word for the whole world to use!

== John Lennon ==
* ''[after transforming from a Frankenstein's monster]'' Hey Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream.
* It's time for time. ''[raises eyebrows repetitively]''
* I'm the ego-man, goo goo g'joob.

==Dialogue==
:''[First lines]''
:'''The Narrator''': Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was an unearthly [[paradise]] called Pepperland. 80,000 leagues beneath the sea it lay, or lie. I'm not too sure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Pepperland is a tickle of [[joy]] upon the blue belly of the [[universe]]...it must be scratched. Right, Max?
:'''Max''': ''[saluting]'' Yes, Your Blueness!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': '''''WHAAAAAAT?!?!''''' ''[grabs Max by his ears]'' We Meanies only take '''''NO''''' for an answer! ''[drops down Max]'' IS THAT UNDERSTOOD, MAX?!
:'''Max''': No, Your Blueness!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': That's better. Are the troops in readiness?
:'''Max''': No, Your Blueness!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie:''' The Bonkers?
:'''Max''': No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Clowns?
:'''Max''': No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie:''' Snapping Turks?
:'''Max''': No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Anti-Music Missile?
:'''Max''': No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': The Dreadful Flying Glove?
:'''Max''': No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Splendid! Today, Pepperland goes blue-y! '''FIRE!'''
:''[Anti-Music Missile is fired, encasing Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band in a giant soundproof bubble. General panic ensues]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In a room full of trophies]''
:'''Old Fred''': Hey, what would your friends be doing here?
:'''Ringo''': Displaying.
:'''Old Fred''': Displaying what?
:'''Ringo''': Dis-playing around.
:''[Vaudeville rimshot music plays]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Old Fred''': Oh, Frankenstein!
:'''Ringo''': Yeah, I used to go out with his sister.
:'''Old Fred''': His sister?
:'''Ringo''': Yeah, Phyllis. Hey. I wonder what would happen if I pull this lever.
:'''Old Fred''': Oh, you mustn't do that!
:'''Ringo''': Can't help it, I'm a born Lever-puller. ''[pulls the lever]''
:''[Electricity flies around and explodes on top of Old Fred, who is unharmed. The monster awakens, climbs out of the table, roars, drinks one of the chemicals, then suddenly turns into John Lennon]''
:'''John''': Hey, Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream.
:'''Ringo''': I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach. Now listen to Old Fred.
:'''Old Fred''': ''[speaking gibberish]'' Submarine! Explosions! Blue Meanies! ''[calmer]'' What do you think?
:'''John''': ''[to Ringo]'' I think he needs a rehearsal.
:*&quot;Lever-puller&quot; is a pun on &quot;Liverpooler&quot;, as Ringo and indeed all the Beatles are. (The usual term for people from [[w:Liverpool|Liverpool]], [[w:England|England]] is &quot;Liverpudlian&quot;.)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John''': ''[walking down the hallway with Ringo and Old Fred]'' What day is it today?
:'''Ringo''': Siturday.
:'''John''': Then George will be in here. ''[opens a door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ringo''': George, what are you doing up there?
:'''George''': ''[driving in Ringo's car]'' Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up... ''[drives up]'' or down?
:'''Ringo''': ''[indicating Old Fred]'' This chap, here.
:'''Old Fred''': ''[gibberish]'' Submarines! Explosions! Blue Meanies!
:'''Ringo and John''': ''[along with Old Fred]'' Blue Meanies!
:'''George''': Aw, you're nuts, the pair of ya. [drives off]
:'''Ringo''': Whoa, hold on, that's my car, lad.
:'''George''': How do you know it's your car, lad?
:'''Ringo''': I know it anywhere.
:'''George''': What's it like, then?
:'''Ringo''': Red with yellow wheels. ''[the car changes colors]'' I mean blue with orange wheels.
:''[The car changes colors again]''
:'''George''': ''[stops the car]'' It's all in the mind.
:''[They all climbed in]''
:'''Ringo''': Move over, I'm driving.
:'''George''': No, I got here first.
:'''Ringo''': We'll drive if you like.
:'''George''': No, you sit in the middle.
:'''John''': No, I'm sitting in the middle.
:'''George''': Who said you were driving?
:'''Ringo''': I am driving.
:'''George''': I'll get in the back, then.
:''[They drive off camera. After 10 seconds, the crash is heard offscreen for 20 seconds. And after the sound of the pipes clanging, they rush up to one of the doors, where John opens the door. There was King Kong breaking his hand through the window and pulls the bed with the woman who wakes up with a scream]''
:'''George''': Do you think we're interrupting something?
:'''John''': I think so. ''[closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ringo opens the door to see the cheering people offscreen, then closes the door]''
:'''George''': Yes, dey do look very nice, don't dey?
:'''Ringo''': Yes, dey do.
:'''John''': Dey do dough, don't dey?
:'''George''': Yes, dey do.
:'''Ringo''': Don't dey, dough?
:'''George''': Dough?
:''[Paul emerges from the same door]''
:'''John''': Fa-la. Dat dough!
:'''Paul''': ''[while receiving a bouquet]'' What's the matter, fellas? Blue Meanies?
:'''Old Fred''': Well, lads, what do you think?
:'''John''': Well, I think that-
:'''Old Fred''': Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead! What do you think?
:'''Paul''': Well, erm-
:'''Old Fred''': Pounding, overwhelming waves! What do you think of that, eh?
:'''George''': Well, I think that-
:'''Ringo''': As a matter of fact, I-
:'''All''': Well, ''I'' think-
:'''Old Fred''': Well?
:'''All''': I've forgotten.
:'''Old Fred''': All right then. Let's get this vessel shipshape.
:'''George''': I kind of like it the way it is. Submarine shape.
:''[They all enter the Submarine and take off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Old Fred''': I don't mean to alarm you, mates, but the years are going backwards!
:'''George''': What's that mean, Old Fred?
:'''Old Fred''': It means if we slip back in time at this rate, very soon we'll all disappear up our own existence!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Passing themselves as they go backwards in time]''
:'''Ringo''': Look, there's another yellow submarine...and they're waving at us.
:'''John''': Wave back.
:''[They did so]''
:'''George''': Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet.
:'''Ringo''': There's only two of us.
:'''John''': Well, then, I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is none other than ourselves...
:'''Old Fred''': Going backwards.
:'''John''': In time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''George''': Hey! There's a Cyclops! 
:'''Paul''': Can't be. It's got two eyes. 
:'''John''': Must be a &quot;bi-cyclops&quot; then. 
:'''Ringo''': There's another one. 
:'''John''': A whole &quot;cyclopedia&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paul''': Look, it's a school of [[whales]]. 
:'''Ringo''': They look a little bit old for [[school]]. 
:'''Paul''': University then. 
:'''Ringo''': [[w:University of Wales|University of whales]]. ''[sits down]''
:'''John''': They look like drop-outs to me.
:'''Old Fred''': You've got to steer clear!
:'''Ringo''': ''[does so]'' Steer clear?
:'''Old Fred''': Yes, steer clear!
:'''Ringo''': Yes, dear. ''[presses one of the buttons]''
:''[The Yellow Submarine appears to have a whale's smile, causing the school of whales to laugh and swim away]''
:'''Old Fred''': Now, whatever you do, don't touch that button!
:'''Ringo''': Which button?
:'''Old Fred''': That button.
:'''Ringo''': This button? ''[presses another button, but ejects himself out of the submarine, screaming]''
:'''Old Fred''': ''[from inside the submarine]'' Oop. That was the panic button.
:''[Now Ringo has landed on the running animal, giving him wild rides]''
:'''Paul''': Poor Ringo.
:'''George''': Poor lad.
:'''Paul''': Never did no harm to no one.
:'''John''': Hey, lads, now that Ringo's gone, what do we do?
:'''Old Fred''': Learn to sing trios.
:'''Paul''': Nah, let's save the poor devil.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''George''': Is that the motor?
:'''Fred''': Can't you tell one when you see one?
:'''George''': Course I can, let me peruse it. ''[pokes the motor and shocks himself]''
:'''John''': Well, what do you think?
:'''George''': I think I burnt me finger...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremy''': Medic, pedic, zed oblique, orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo, so little time, ha-ha, so much to know!
:'''John''': Well, can you tell us where we're at?
:'''Jeremy''': A true Socratic query, that!
:'''John''': Oh yeah? And who the Billy Shears are you?
:'''Jeremy''': Who? Ah, who indeed am ''I?'' ''[hands out several business card to the Beatles]''
:'''John''': 'Jeremy'…
:'''Paul''': 'Hillary'…
:'''George''': 'Boob'…
:'''Ringo''': 'P'hhhhhhd.'
:'''All''': ''Who?''
:'''Jeremy''': Eminent physicist, polyglot, classicist, prize-winning botanist, hard-biting satirist, talented pianist. Good dentist too. Ha-ha!
:'''George''': Lousy poet.
:'''Jeremy''': Critic's voice, take your choice.
:'''Ringo''': Must be one of them angry young men.
:'''Paul''': Or a daffy old creep.
:'''Jeremy''': I, daffy old creep?
:'''John''': You speak English?
:'''Jeremy''': Old English, middle, a dialect, pure.
:'''Paul''': Well, do you speak English?
:'''Jeremy''': You know, I'm not sure!
:'''Ringo''': He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremy''': I must complete my bust, two novels, finish my blueprints, begin my beguine.
:'''John''': Hey, Jeremy, must you always talk in rhyme? 
:'''Jeremy''': Ha-ha! If I spoke prose, you'd all find out, I don't know what I talk about. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo. So little time, so much to know.
:'''Paul''': Hey, fellas. Look.
:'''Jeremy''': The footnotes for my 19th book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it.
:'''George''': A Boob for all seasons.
:'''Paul''': How can he lose?
:'''John''': Were your notices good?
:'''Jeremy''': It's my policy never to read my reviews!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ringo''': Here, Bubo; Bubo! come with us!
:'''Jeremy''': Really? You'd take a Nowhere Man?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the Sea of Holes]''
:'''John''': This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire.
:'''Paul''': ''Oh boy...''
:*A reference to their song, [[w:A Day in the Life|A Day in the Life]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John''': If I could come in, here, I think the theory put forward by [[Einstein]].
:'''Paul''': ''[singing, to the tune of &quot;Any Old Iron&quot;]'' Any old Ein, any old Ein, any any any old Einstein.
:'''John''': Could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space.
:'''George''': Uh, John.
:'''John''': According to the now-famous [[theory of relativity]].
:''[Ringo, Paul, and George tried breaking the glass with one of the chairs]''
:'''George''': John.
:''[They run offscreen]''
:'''John''': Which, briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs.
:'''George''': ''[offscreen]'' John!
:''[They charge at the glass with one of the columns, but it bounces with a bang]''
:'''John''': Beating lightly, and adding a little salt and pepper to taste.
:'''George''': John!
:'''John''': ''[annoyed]'' George.
:'''George''': How do we get them out?
:'''John''': Break the glass.
:'''Paul''': We can't!
:'''Ringo''': It's Beatle-proof.
:'''John''': Nothing is Beatle-proof.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lord Mayor''': They're exactly like the originals!
:'''Beatles''': We are the originals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jeremy''': Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid pro quo, I've got to practice, let me go!
:'''Ringo''': Jeremy! Can it be you?
:'''Jeremy''': You must inquire with the guards, for when i was captured they took all my cards.
''[after Ringo freed Jeremy]''
:'''Jeremy''': What do you recommend? Fistocufs with the guard? [Ringo nodds] Oh guaarrdd, blue meanial! Left to the nostril, right uppercut, right to the eyebrow and left to the gut!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Get back! Get back! Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies! You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards! Get back there now! ''[begins to cry]'' My kingdom for a horse! ''[stops crying when he confronts Jeremy]'' I think I'll tear him up into little pieces.
:'''Jeremy''': Oh, he does, does he?
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Yes, I think I'll make a blueburger out of him.
:'''Jeremy''': I don't care what you think. ''[turns to go]''
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Oh, you don't, eh?! ''[grabs Jeremy]'' We'll soon see about that!
:'''Jeremy''': ''[cornered]'' He does, in truth, seem quite annoyed. Some reference material be-be-before I'm destroyed! ''[reading from his book]'' &quot;Where ground is soft most often grows, arise! Arise! Arouse! A rose! ''[a rose sprouts on the Chief Blue Meanie's nose]'' A rosy nose?
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[throws Jeremy down]'' Speak your last piece!
:'''Jeremy''': [[Peace]]! Peace! Supplant the [[doom]] and the gloom! Turn off what is sour! Turn into a flower and bloom! Bloom! Bloom! ''[roses sprout all over the Chief Blue Meanie]'' Bloom! Bloom! Bloom! Bloom! Bloom!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[now very upset]'' '''''I'LL TEAR YOU TO PIECES!!!''''' ''[screams as he is now covered himself with roses, and runs away with the rest of the Meanies]''
:''[Jeremy is dancing among the flowers]''
:'''Ringo''': ''[to John, about Jeremy]'' First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that Nobody, &quot;I&quot; knew he was Somebody.
:'''John''': You're right. ''[calling out to the Blue Meanies]'' Hello, there, blue people! Won't you join us?! Hook up, and otherwise co-mingle?! What do you say?!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[now depressed]'' Max.
:'''Max''': Your Blue - uh, I mean, er, Your Newness?
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?
:'''Max''': Argentina?
:'''John''': Are you with us?! Will you join?!
:''[As Jeremy runs up to the Meanies]''
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[to Max while giving in]'' Shall we?
:'''Max''': ''[nodding]'' No!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[threatening]'' '''''AAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!''''' ''[grabs Max's ears]''
:'''Max''': ''[hastily]'' N-N-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes, Your Newness!
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': ''[drops him; now happily]'' Yes, Max!
:'''Jeremy''': ''[arriving]'' Yes! Ah, yes is a word with a glorious ring! ''[shakes hand with the Chief Blue Meanie]'' A true universal utopious thing! ''[helps Max up]'' Engenders embracing and chasing of blues, the very best word for the whole world to use! ''[dances away merrily]'' 
:'''The Chief Blue Meanie''': Yes, let us mix, Max. ''[Max nodded]'' I've never admitted it before, but my cousin is the Bluebird of Happiness!

==Taglines==
* The forces of good! The forces of evil!
* It's all in the mind, y'know!
* Nothing is real.

==See also==
* [[The Beatles]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Yellow Submarine (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0063823|title=Yellow Submarine}}

[[Category:1968 films]]
[[Category:British animated films]]
[[Category:1960s British animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Submarine films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Films set in a fictional country]]
[[Category:Rock music films]]</text>
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        <id>3050778</id>
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      <comment>/* New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 */ new topic ([[mw:c:Special:MyLanguage/User:JWBTH/CD|CD]])</comment>
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== New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}}

Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism.
. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}}

Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}}

Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:My other links am notable please:
:@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Northex Industries}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:26, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-8, 03:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Mehsi-tourism}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-33757-37}}

Abusing multiple accounts &amp; removed CSD tag at [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah]] (no quotes). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 11:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Mikhailsims}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AnuraagRath}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Leminho567}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 11 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T14:44:04Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Saroj</username>
        <id>2925457</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 */ Reply</comment>
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&lt;!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --&gt;

== New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}}

Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism.
. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}}

Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}}

Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:My other links am notable please:
:@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Northex Industries}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:26, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-8, 03:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Mehsi-tourism}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-33757-37}}

Abusing multiple accounts &amp; removed CSD tag at [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah]] (no quotes). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 11:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Mikhailsims}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AnuraagRath}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Leminho567}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 11 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>ecvqyvedzsbsvrt4dvijpibqzvbjkw4</sha1>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T14:44:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Saroj</username>
        <id>2925457</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 */ Reply</comment>
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&lt;!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --&gt;

== New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}}

Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism.
. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}}

Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}}

Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:My other links am notable please:
:@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Northex Industries}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:26, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-8, 03:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Mehsi-tourism}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-33757-37}}

Abusing multiple accounts &amp; removed CSD tag at [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah]] (no quotes). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 11:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Mikhailsims}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AnuraagRath}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Leminho567}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
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        <id>2925457</id>
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&lt;!-- Please add a new report below this line, thanks! --&gt;

== New report 2026-06-2, 17:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32675-17}}

Butchered the [[Spanish colonization of the Americas]] page, looks like vandalism.
. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 17:30, 2 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 19:28, 2 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|UNIX-QUANTUM-NETWORKS}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:41, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Pathanbd69}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and the recent page was deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:44, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-3, 12:44 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-32979-36}}

cross-wiki abuse ([[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Truthfindervert]], Edit summary similarity + same target ([[Jat people]], [[:w:simple:Jats]], [[:w:Jats]])). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 3 June 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 17:48, 3 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-5, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Profabdelfatah}}

Removed CSD tag at [[DGStory]] (no quotes), [[:w:WP:AB]] at [[Hussein Abdelfatah]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Alaa. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:01, 5 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 03:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Rap_Goddess0}}

Sole page created is obviously promotional content. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 03:19, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:My page is not promotional please you can check my articles on wikidata, simple English Wikipedia and Yoruba Wikipedia. Thank [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:22, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:My other links am notable please:
:@[[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] [https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q137670288 My wikidata page] [[User:Rap Goddess0|Rap Goddess0]] ([[User talk:Rap Goddess0|talk]]) 03:23, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:I would also like to point out that every time I add the speedy delete notice, it gets removed and this person sends strange messages on my talk page (one of them suggests I get a job). [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 04:09, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 04:21, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-6, 12:51 ==

* {{Vandal|Northex Industries}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:51, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:26, 6 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-8, 03:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Mehsi-tourism}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-33757-37}}

Abusing multiple accounts &amp; removed CSD tag at [[Mirza Halim Shah Dargah]] (no quotes). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} ―[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''&lt;span style=&quot;color:black&quot;&gt;v&lt;/span&gt;f&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 8 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 11:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Mikhailsims}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:06, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-10, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AnuraagRath}}

[[:w:WP:AB]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 10 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-06-11, 12:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Leminho567}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 11 June 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:44, 11 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
      <sha1>96qt4suda3cdvscme4w8xr12155b8uz</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Iron Giant</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>4695</id>
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      <id>3951965</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:14:21Z</timestamp>
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        <id>3340606</id>
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      <text bytes="13671" sha1="hskj0okl23v07w2uvm323tehuvb05du" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Superman-Logo.jpg|thumb|&quot;You are who you choose to be.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;[[w:Superman|Superman]].&quot;''']]

'''''[[w:The Iron Giant|The Iron Giant]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999]] [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] animated film that centers on a young boy named Hogarth Hughes who discovers and befriends a giant robot.
:''Directed and written by [[Brad Bird]], based on the 1968 novel [[w:The Iron Man (novel)|The Iron Man]] by [[Ted Hughes]].''
:''Music by [[w:Michael Kamen|Michael Kamen]].''
{{center/s}}'''Some secrets are too huge to hide.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

[[File:Admiring the Galaxy.jpg|thumb|Souls don't die.]]
[[File:Castle Bravo 007.jpg|thumb|ATOMIC HOLOCAUST! &lt;br&gt;Time to Duck and Cover. The bombs are coming down. &lt;br&gt;A radiation shower will pour throughout your town. &lt;br&gt;Hands up your head, keep low to the ground. &lt;br&gt;Time to Duck and Cover. The bombs are coming down. &lt;br&gt;Duck and Cover. Duck and Cover. Get under the desk with your sister and your brother. &lt;br&gt;Duck and Cover. Duck and Cover. That goes double for your dad and your mother. &lt;br&gt;So, hands over your head, keep low to the ground. &lt;br&gt;'Cause all the kids who don't will cease to be around.]]
[[File:US Army O9 (Army greens).svg|thumb|&quot;Please, sir. I've got a ''feeling'' about this one.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;That's lovely, Kent. But let me try to explain how this works: If you told me you'd found, say, um, a giant footprint, I might send over an expert to make a plaster cast of it. ''Hell,'' you get me a ''photograph'' of this thing and I could probably get some ''troops'' over there! But you tell me you've got a ''feeling.''&quot;]]

==Hogarth William Hughes==
* ''[after seeing Giant; calmly]'' So, I guess you're not gonna hurt me? ''[gasps; Giant holds his hand out as Hogarth cringes and gasps, thinking Giant is gonna pound him, but he reveals the shut-off switch that lands on the ground; shocked]'' The shut-off switch. ''[to Giant]'' You saw me save you. ''[Giant looks at him innocently]'' So... where are you from? You came from the sky, right? From up there? ''[Giant looks up]'' Don't you remember anything? Hmm, maybe it's that bump from your head. ''[Giant places his finger on his head, feeling the dent]'' Do you talk? You know words? &quot;Blah, blah, blah,&quot; like that? Can you do that? Blah, blah, blah?
* ''[reflecting on the deer that was killed after the Giant's combat mode engages]'' Souls don't die
* ''[tries to reason with the Giant in combat mode]'' It's bad to kill. Guns kill. And you don't have to be a gun. You are what you choose to be. You choose. Choose.. ''[closes his eyes expecting the Giant to fire, but is relieved when it stands down from combat mode]'

==Dialogue==
:''[At Hogarth's school, he draws the giant robot he saw earlier as the class watches an educational film]''
:'''Narrator''': A peaceful, stay-at-home kind of day in a town very much like your own. But then suddenly without warning. ''[The bomb exploded]'' Atomic holocaust! But how does one survive an atomic attack?
:'''Classroom Boy 1''': ''[To another boy]'' Did you hear about crazy Mr. Stutz? He says his boat ran into a sea monster.
:'''Classroom Boy 2''': I heard it was sunk by a meteor.
:'''Classroom Boy 3''': ''[Shaking his head]'' No, no, no. It was a metal meteor. It ate his boat. My dad says-
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Interrupting]'' It wasn't any of those things.
:'''Classroom Boy 2''': ''[Annoyed]'' What would you know about it Poindexter?
:'''Mrs. Tensedge''': ''[Sternly]'' Hogarth! ''[Shushing]'' Don't make me come over there.
:'''Chorus''': Hands over your head. Keep low to the ground. Time to duck in cover. The bombs are coming down. ''[The bomb exploded]'' Duck and cover.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[whispering to his classmates]'' It's about 50 or 60 feet high and it only eats metal.
:'''Classroom Boy 1''': ''[Annoyed, whispering]'' Shut up, you little spaz!
:'''Classroom Boy 3''': It's probably been sent by foreigners to take over the country.
:'''Classroom Boy 2''': Yeah, we should bomb it to smithereens before it does.
:'''Chorus''': 'Cause all the kids who don't, Will cease to be around.
:''[Hogarth draws a giant robot eating metal]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Look, you can't go stomping around and you can't come with me. My mom will wig out. ''[The giant makes a face and laughs]'' That's right. So you have got to stay in the forest, and I'll bring you some food tomorrow. But I gotta go home now. So goodbye. ''[Hogarth is about to walk home then he stops and sees the giant kneeling down to the train tracks.]'' Hey! ''[The Giant is about to eat half of the train track]'' Hey, wait a minute! ''[The giant stops to look at him]'' What do you think you're doing? Look at this mess! ''[Then suddenly the crossing bell goes off and Hogarth hears a train coming]'' ''[Scared]'' Oh no. ''[To giant]'' Put it back! Put it back right now! Help me I need your help! Good, good! ''[The Giant puts the track back on the ground and Hogarth sees the approaching train]'' Oh yeah, put them together. See? Like this. This one here, that one there. ''[The Giant fixes the track]'' Okay, over, over. Good, good. Now the other one. Okay, good enough. Let's go!
:''[Hogarth runs but he stops and sees the train is about hit the Giant]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shocked]'' What the? ''[Runs to the Giant]'' That's fine! Leave it alone! The train is coming! ''[The Giant finishes fixing the track; frightened]'' Come on let's go!
:''[The Giant gasped upon seeing the train approach him as Hogarth reacts in horror and he jumps to the ground cringing. The crash is heard and Hogarth sees the crashed train. The Giant lands on the ground and his body parts land as well.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh no, no, no. ''[The Giant gets up]'' You're alive!
:'''Man''': Hello! Anyone out there.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': We're in trouble now.
:'''Man''': Are you alright.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[To giant]'' Look, I've changed my mind. You can follow me home. OK? Let's go!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mansley calls up General Rogard after the Giant devoured his car]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[sighs; wearily]'' A giant metal monster. ''[Rogard guffaws on the other end. Kent sees a kitchen mitt that seems to mock him.]'' Please, sir. I've got a ''feeling'' about this one. ''[flips the oven mitt around as General Rogard calms down]''
:'''General Rogard''': That's lovely, Kent. But let me try to explain how this works: If you told me you'd found, say, um, a giant footprint, I might send over an expert to make a plaster cast of it. ''Hell,'' you get me a ''photograph'' of this thing, and I could probably get some ''troops'' over there! But you tell me you've got a ''feeling.''
:'''Kent Mansley''': All right, then fine. You want evidence? I'll get you evidence, and when I do, I'm gonna want a ''memo'' distributed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The giant robot is asleep in the shed and he wakes up as Hogarth comes in with a flashlight and comic books]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': If you're gonna stay here, you gotta keep better track of yourself. Sheesh. Anyway, I thought you'd like, you know, a bedtime story or something. I've got some really cool ones. ''[Showing the Giant comic books]'' '''[[w:Mad (magazine)|Mad Magazine]]''', very funny. The Spirit, very cool. Boy's Life? ''[Shrugging]'' Ehh. Oh, here. ''[Shows him the '''[[Superman]]''' comic book]'' This guy is '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. Sure, he's famous now...but he started off just like you. Crash-landed on Earth. Didn't know what he was doing. But he only uses his powers for good, never for evil. ''[Puts down the comic book]'' Remember that. ''[The Giant felt curious as he looks at the Atomo comic book.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Hmm. ''[Hogarth sees the Atomo comic book]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh, that's Atomo, the metal menace. He's not the hero, He's the villain. He's not like you. You're a good guy. Like '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. ''[he places the '''[[Superman]]''' comic book over the Atomo comic book to get the giant's mind off Atomo]''
:'''Iron Giant''': '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. ''[He feels his stomach rumbling]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': You're hungry, aren't you?
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Nodding]'' Mmm-hmm.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': But I don't have any metal here. Just follow me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mansley is desperate to show General Rogard and his troops the Giant, but when Dean reveals its part of a certain metal sculpture he made...]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Sir, listen.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[sternly]'' Step outside, Mansley.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Yes, sir.
:''[Hogarth watches Rogard fume off at Mansley outside the house]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[angrily]'' DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH HARDWARE I BROUGHT OUT HERE?! YOU JUST BLEW MILLIONS OF UNCLE SAM'S DOLLARS OUT OF YOUR BUTT!!! 
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[talking to Dean]'' I gotta admit, I'm relieved that this is what Hogarth was talking about. I mean, I was beginning to think it was real. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like it. But um, do you need all this stuff on the surface?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Well, uh, no, actually.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Well, just sort of-- It seems kind of slapped on. You know, not as thought-out as this other piece.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You like that one?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Yeah.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[still berating Kent]'' You'll be chief inspector of Subway toilets by the time I'm finished with you! ''[gets in the jeep]'' Now pack up. I'll expect you back in Washington to clear out your office. ''[signals the soldier to drive away, pointing to the road]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[softly]'' Yes, sir.
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hogarth plays with the giant robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Thruster to base. I'm going in. ''[climbs up on the car]'' Only one creature could create so much destruction. The hideous, people-eating, killing machine, Atomo! ''[But the Giant did not pay attention]'' Atomo!
:'''Iron Giant''': No Atomo. ''[pulls up a giant S from a &quot;Seafood&quot; sign and puts it on his chest]'' I [[w:Superman|Superman]]'''.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Okay, '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. Take this! ''[pointing his toy gun at him and the robot's eyes turn red]'' Stupid gun. ''[the Giant fires his beam that Hogarth dodges and Dean sees what's going on and the Giant gasped]'' Hey, what's wrong? As I was saying, take this! ''[points his toy gun again and the Giant fires at Hogarth, Dean quickly saves Hogarth from getting hit]'' What happened? What was that...
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Shh, stay down and follow me. ''[the Giant gasped as Hogarth and Dean tried to hide but the Giant found them. Dean stood in front of Hogarth, defensively]'' Get back! ''[the Giant looks at Dean in confusion]'' I said &quot;Get back!&quot;'' I mean it!
:'''Iron Giant''': No. Stop. Why?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It was an accident; He's our friend.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[to Hogarth]'' He's a piece of ''hardware,'' Hogarth. Why do you think the army was here? He's a ''weapon''. A big ''gun'' that, that walks!
:'''Iron Giant''': I-- I-- I('m) not (a) gun.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yeah, what's that? Huh? ''[points at a hole, by the Giant's Eye Gun, in a school bus]'' You almost did that to Hogarth!
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[sees hole in bus; shocked]'' No. ''[runs away as snow begins to fall]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Although Hogarth has placated the Giant's the Nautilus launches a missile at it on Kent's panicked orders and the town sounds an air-raid siren]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Shouldn't we get to a shelter?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[shaking his head]'' It wouldn't matter.
:'''Iron Giant''': I fix. 
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Giant? ''[Giant kneels down and gently places his finger at him.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Hogarth. You stay. I go. ''[lifts Hogarth's chin, and sadly waves his other finger]'' No following. ''[backs slowly]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[softly]'' I love you. ''[The Giant flies off toward the missile, and remembers what Hogarth told him once]'' You are who you choose to be.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Last words]'' [[w:Superman|Superman]]! ''[collides with missile]''

== Taglines ==
* Some secrets are too huge to hide.
* The story of a boy and a giant from another world who became a hero on this one!
* Something humongous is among us.
* It came from outer space!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Eli Marienthal|Eli Marienthal]] ― Hogarth William Hughes
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] ― The Iron Giant
* [[Harry Connick, Jr.]] ― Dean Jeffrey McCoppin
* [[w:Christopher McDonald|Christopher McDonald]] ― Kent James Mansley
* [[Jennifer Aniston]] ― Anne Margaret &quot;Annie&quot; Hughes
* [[Cloris Leachman]] ― Mrs. Lynley Tensedge
* [[w:James Gammon|James Gammon]] ― Foreman Marv Loach/Floyd Turbeaux
* [[w:John Mahoney|John Mahoney]] ― General Shannon Rogard
* [[w:M. Emmet Walsh|M. Emmet Walsh]] ― Earl Stutz

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0129167|title=The Iron Giant}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Iron Giant, The}}
[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fiction films]]
[[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Technology films]]
[[Category:Cold War films]]
[[Category:Robot films]]
[[Category:Nuclear weapons in media]]
[[Category:Animated films about death]]
[[Category:Animated films about friendship]]
[[Category:Animated films based on children's books]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films directed by Brad Bird]]
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    <title>Young Wizards</title>
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'''''[[w:Young Wizards|Young Wizards]]''''' is a series of young adult science fiction books by [[w:Diane Duane|Diane Duane]]. They follow Nita and Kit, a fourteen year old girl and a twelve year old boy, who become wizards.

== [[wikipedia:So You Want to Be a Wizard|So You Want to Be a Wizard]] ==
&quot;Reading one book is like eating one potato chip,&quot; she said. (Mrs. Lesser to Nita.)&lt;br/&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
In Life's name and for Life's sake, I say that I will use the Art for nothing but the service of that Life. I will guard growth and ease pain. I will fight to preserve what grows and lives well in its own way; and I will change no object or creature unless its growth and life, or that of the system of which it is part, are threatened. To these ends, in the practice of my Art, I will put aside fear for courage, and death for life, when it is right to do so -- till Universe's end.&lt;br/&gt;
-''The Wizard's Oath''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
I am the wind that troubles the water;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the water, and the waves;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the shore where the waves break in rainbows;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the sunlight that shines in the spray;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the trees that drink in the light;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the air of the green-things' breathing;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the stone that the trees break asunder;&lt;br/&gt;
I am the molten heart of the world-&lt;br/&gt;
where will you go? To what place will you wander?&lt;br/&gt;
...in vale or on hilltop, still I am there...&lt;br/&gt;

Will you sound the sea's depth, or climb the mountain?&lt;br/&gt;
In air or in water, still I am there;&lt;br/&gt;
Will the earth cover you? Will the night hide you?&lt;br/&gt;
In deep or in darkness, still I am there&lt;br/&gt;
Will you kindle the nova? Or kill the starlight?&lt;br/&gt;
In fire or in deathcold, still I am there-&lt;br/&gt;
-Life's ''&quot;I Am&quot;''

&lt;hr width= &quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;NO!&quot; he cried from somewhere behind the trees, wild, furious, terrified. But Nita felt no fear. It was as it had been in the beginning- all of his &quot;NOs&quot; had never been able to stop Life's ''I Am.''

&lt;hr width= &quot;50%&quot;&gt;
The Moon went out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
(Dear Artificer,) it said in a bemused delight, (I've blown my quanta and gone to the Good Place!)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;The one who saw the light come to be and declared a war of darkness. Though the rebellion didn't work as well as it might have, for darkness only made the light seem brighter.&quot; 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;Are you the Advisory?&quot; Kit said.&lt;br/&gt;
Tom's eyebrows went up. &quot;You kids having a spelling problem?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;Don't be afraid to make corrections,&quot; Picchu said. &quot;Don't be afraid to lend a hand.&quot; She fell silent, seeming to think for a moment. &quot;And don't look down.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Halfway out the bedroom door, realization dawned in her sister's eyes. &quot;Maaaaa!&quot; she yelled out the door, strangling in her own laughter. &quot;Nita's got a boyfriend!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;This is ''not'' a nice place.&quot; (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
All around her trees and stones and flesh and metal burned with the power that burned her, self awareness, which death can seem to stop but can never keep from happening, no matter how hard it tries.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''Don't be afraid to make corrections!''

Whether the voice came from her memory or was a last whisper from the blinding new star far above, Nita never knew. But she knew what to do. While Kit was still on the first part of the name she pulled out her pen, her best pen that Fred had saved and changed. She clicked it open. The metal still tingled against her skin, the ink at the point still glittered oddly- the same glitter as the ink with which the bright ''Book'' was written. Nita bent quickly over the ''Book'' and with the pen, in lines of light, drew from the final circle an arrow pointing upward, the way out, the symbol that said change could happen- if, only if-

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
The city breathing, burning, living the life they had preserved. Ten million lives and more. ''If something should happen to all that life- how terrible!'' Nita gulped for control as she remembered Fred's word of just this morning, an eternity ago. And this was what being a wizard was about. Keeping terrible things from happening, even when it hurts. Not just power, or control of what ordinary people couldn't control, or delight in being able to make strange things happen. Those were the side effects- not the reason, the purpose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Nita stood still, listening to Joanne's footsteps hurrying away, a little faster every second- and slowly began to realize that she'd gotten what she asked for too- the ability to break the cycle of anger and loneliness, not necessarily for others, but at least for herself. It wouldn't even take the Speech; plain words would do it, and the magic of reaching out. It would take a long time, much longer then something simple like breaking the walls of the worlds, and it would cost more effort than even reading the ''Book of Night with Moon.'' But it would be worth it- and eventually it would work. A spell always works.

Nita went home.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Fred started to follow, but Nita caught him in cupped hands, holding him back for a moment. ''Fred! Did we do right?''

Even here she couldn't keep the pain out of her question, the fear that she could have somehow have prevented his death. But Fred radiated a serene and wondering joy that took her breath and reassured her and filled her with wonder to match his, all at once. ''Go find out,'' he said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
My gnaester will never be the same. (Fred)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;You're wizards, you should know how terrible a weapon belief is, especially in the wrong hands. And how do you tell which hands are wrong?&quot; (Fred)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
You have your own stories to write. And when it comes to that, who writes the things written in your body, your life? And who reads? (Liused)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Do I throw money on your living room floor? (One of the koi)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I checked the book and it said I was missing an element.” He looked questioningly at Nita. “Maybe you’re it?” (Kit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“My name is Kairelikoblepharehglukumeilichepheidosd’enagouni – ” / 
“Ky – elik – ” Nita began. / 
“Fred.” Kit said quickly

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Fred hiccupped; the resulting explosion produced six black star sapphires the size of tennis balls. /
“Fred here,” Tom said, “has a small problem.” /
“I wish ''I'' had problems like that.” (Carl)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Want to buy a piece of next Thursday?” (Tom)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“One false syllable in a spell and you may wind up in Schenectady.” (Carl) / 
“Is that another world?” Fred asked. / 
“Nearly.” Carl laughed. / 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I wonder how much trouble you get in for busting a worldgate.” Kit muttered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Anyway, ''you'' don’t have to worry, I’ll do it myself.” (Kit) / 
“Oh, no, you’re not,” she said. “If you’re doing it, I’m doing it, too. Whatever you’re doing…” (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Let me do it,” she said, not looking at Kit. (Nita) / 
He glanced up from the manual, stared at her. “Bull,” he said, and then looked down at the manual again. “If you’re gonna do it, ''I’m'' gonna do it.”

== [[wikipedia:Deep Wizardry|Deep Wizardry]] ==
Must I accept this Barren Gift?&lt;br/&gt;
:-learn death, and lose my Mastery?&lt;br/&gt;
Then let them know whose blood and breath&lt;br/&gt; 
:will take the Gift and set them free:&lt;br/&gt; 
whose is the voice and whose the mind&lt;br/&gt;
:to set at naught the well-sung Game-&lt;br/&gt;
when finned Finality arrives&lt;br/&gt;
:and calls me by my secret Name.&lt;br/&gt;

Not old enough to love as yet,&lt;br/&gt;
:but old enough to die, indeed.&lt;br/&gt;
the death-fear bites my throat and heart, &lt;br/&gt;
:fanged cousin to the Pale One's breed.&lt;br/&gt;
But past my fear lies life for all-&lt;br/&gt;
:perhaps for me: and, past my dread,&lt;br/&gt;
past loss of Mastery and life, &lt;br/&gt;
:the Sea shall yet give up Her dead!&lt;br/&gt; 
(from the ''Song of the Twelve'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
Blood in the water I sing,&lt;br/&gt;
:and one who shed it:&lt;br/&gt;
deadliest hunger I sing,&lt;br/&gt;
:and one who fed it-&lt;br/&gt;
weaving the ancient-most tale&lt;br/&gt;
:of the Sea's sending:&lt;br/&gt;
singing the tragedy,&lt;br/&gt; 
:singing the joy unending.&lt;br/&gt;

This is our shame-&lt;br/&gt;
:this is the whole Ocean's glory:&lt;br/&gt;
this is the Song of the Twelve.&lt;br/&gt;
:Hark to to the story!&lt;br/&gt;
Hearken, and bring it to pass:&lt;br/&gt;
:swift, lest the sorrow&lt;br/&gt;
long ago laid to its rest&lt;br/&gt;
:devour us tomorrow!&lt;br/&gt;
(from the ''Song of the Twelve'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
Lone Power,&lt;br/&gt;
:I accept your gift:&lt;br/&gt;
But take my gift,&lt;br/&gt;
:of equal worth;&lt;br/&gt;
I take Death with me,&lt;br/&gt;
:out of time,:&lt;br/&gt;
and make of it a path,&lt;br/&gt; 
:a birth!&lt;br/&gt;

Let the teeth come-&lt;br/&gt;
:as they tear me:&lt;br/&gt;
they tear your ancient hate&lt;br/&gt;
:for aye.&lt;br/&gt;
So rage, proud Power,:&lt;br/&gt;
:fail again,&lt;br/&gt;
and see my blood&lt;br/&gt;
:teach death to die!&lt;br/&gt;
(from the ''Song of the Twelve'' as performed by The Master Shark)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;''Go ahead! Panic!''&quot; screamed Picchu from somewhere in the background.  &quot;Do it now and avoid the June rush! Fear death by water!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;Uh, Ed- ed'Rak-&quot; Nita stopped short, unable remember the rest of his name as anything but the sound of gnashing teeth.  &quot;Look, can I call you Ed?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;Ed,&quot; she said slowly and carefully, &quot;are you trying to say that you're planning to ''eat'' me sometime soon?&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
:&quot;The day after tomorrow,&quot; said the Master shark in perfect calm, &quot;if we keep to schedule.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;I saw you disappear. Where'd'ja take them?&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
:&quot;The Moon.&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
:&quot;Oh come ''on'', Neets.&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
:&quot;Dairine,&quot; Kit said from the doorway. &quot;Catch.&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
: Nita glanced up, saw her sister reach up and pick something out of the air: an irregular piece of pale, grainy stone, about the size and shape of an eraser. &quot;What is this, pumice?&quot; There was moment of shocked silence; and then Dairine's voice scaled up to an aggrieved shriek. &quot;You ''did'' go to the Moon! And you didn't take ''me''! You, you-&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Do what the night tells you. Don't be afraid to give yourself away. And read the fine print before you sign!&quot; (Peach)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
He would doubtless have gone on with more of the same if someone else, farther away from his end of the line, hadn't begun screaming, &quot;Hel-LOOOOOOO! HEL-lo!&quot; in a creaky, high-pitched voice that sounded as if Tom were keeping his insane grandmother chained up in the living room.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Peach screamed, and Annie and Monty the sheepdogs barked irritably at the macaw, who was shouting, &quot;Bad dog! Bad dog! Nonono!&quot; at them--or possibly at Carl.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Violence! You want violence, I'll give you violence! No quarter asked or given! Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Don't give up the AWWWK!&quot; (Peach)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;And we will cause it to be well made, this Sacrifice. You, young and never loving; I, old and never loved. Such a Song the Sea will never have seen.&quot; (Ed)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Look out! She's on the stove. Get her--oh, Lord. There go the eggs. You little cannibal!&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

== [[wikipedia:High Wizardry|High Wizardry]] ==
&quot;I didn't do it for you 'some'; I did it for you, 'pretty much'.&quot; (Nita to wizardly partner Kit.)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
&quot;Kit, you wanna see a disaster?&quot; (Nita to Kit regarding her parents' attempts to set up their first computer.)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;You know Neets, I don't often hear you think lately, but if your dad had just heard what you thought, he'd have washed your head out with soap!&quot; (Kit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Power,&quot; Nita heard her father say behind her. &quot;Creation. Forces from before time. This is--this business is for saints, not children!&quot;

&quot;Even saints have to start somewhere,&quot; Carl said softly. &quot;And it's always been the children who have saved the universe from the previous generation and remade the universe in their own image.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;But Darth Vader's not real!&quot;&lt;br/&gt;
&quot;Not here. Be glad.&quot; (Carl to Kit's mother)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Never think it,&quot; said the Defender, beneficent lightnings flickering about Her as other forms and other attributes came and went in glory; &quot;never think We were made to be less than equals in the One. Someday you'll surpass Us, and still be Our equals, and both You and We will rejoice at it. But later for that. Brother, get up now and see the way home. Let them see what they have triumphed over.&quot; (The Winged Defender)

== [[wikipedia:A Wizard Abroad|A Wizard Abroad]] ==
&quot;Uh, Annie, your cat just went up the chimney!&quot; (Kit)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;What I ''really'' need right now in terms of energy is a chocolate bar,&quot; she said, &quot;but the only thing I've got left in my pack is a cat. And I can't eat that.&quot; She made an amused face. &quot;Too many bones.&quot; (Nita)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Better apologize to her before she turns you into a soggy beermat.&quot; (Johnny to Ronan)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Oh, I don't know. You might be good for something. Scrubbing the floors...washing the dishes...&quot; (Kit to Nita)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;No, I will ''not'' move your planet! What do you want to move it ''for''? It's fine right where it is!&quot; (Dairine)&lt;br /&gt;

== [[wikipedia:The Wizard's Dilemma|The Wizard's Dilemma]] ==
&quot;It counts for more when someone brings roses home if he's not also the florist!&quot; (Mrs. Callahan)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Mom, I promise you, none of the 'wolves' are going to touch me. I just want to look normal. If I can't ''be'' normal, let me at least simulate the effect!&quot; (Nita)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
She opened her eyes again to find Dairine staring at her as if she were something from Mars. Actually, Dairine had stared at things from Mars with a lot less astonishment.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
But then Kit dismissed the idea; Neets didn't wear skirts that short. ''And it's a shame'', said some unrepentant part of his mind.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
The Pig gave him a shocked look, and then laughed out loud. &quot;You simian-descended, equivocating, pronoun-starved little mortal twerp,&quot; it said. &quot;Maybe the universe does favor young wizards because they haven't properly mastered the Speech's plurals yet. We really have to look into that.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;How can I save her?&quot; (Kit to the Pig)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;There are occupational hazards to being a god.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
If you can't put together what you were with what you are now - so you can make up for your mistakes and not make the same ones again - then what's the point? This isn't about reversing anything. It's about going forward.

== [[wikipedia:A Wizard Alone|A Wizard Alone]] ==
&quot;Virtue,&quot; he said. &quot;The real thing. It's not some kind of cuddly teddy bear you can keep on the shelf until you need a hug. It's dangerous, which is why it makes people so nervous. Virtue has its own agenda, and believe me, it's not always yours. The word itself means strength, power. And when it gets loose, you'd better watch out.&quot;

&quot;Something bad might happen...&quot;

&quot;Impossible. But possibly something painful.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;We're expert enough to change the laws of physics temporarily... How hard can wiring be?&quot; (Carl)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Carl came up from the basement with a very large roll of duct tape.

&quot;Ah,&quot; Tom said. &quot;The substance that binds the universe together.&quot;

&quot;We'll see,&quot; Carl said, and bent himself over sideways again.

&quot;It's a brute force solution,&quot; Tom said. &quot;Inelegant. The phone's right there!&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
The Lone Power's favorite tool, entropy, had already struck locally: His cornflakes had gone soggy.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;The One has better things to do than micromanage.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Come on, you guys,” he said in the Speech. “All I’m asking for here is a little cooperation – ” (Kit) / 
“No surrender!” shouted the remote. / 
“Death before dishonor!” shouted the DVD player.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Explaining the differences of communications between you and me and you and Nita might make more trouble than it’s worth.” (Tom)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Let’s not get overly tangled up in details at the moment.” (Carl) / 
“From a man in your position, that has a hollow ring,” Tom said. / 
“Sure, go ahead, mock me in my torment.” (Carl)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“It’s real basic, Mama,” Kit said. “Boy meets girl, meets thing, meets other thing. Boy loses girl, loses other thing, finds thing. Boy loses thing, gets girl, loses thing. Happily ever after...” / 
“‘Basic,’ you said?” (Marina) / 
“Old, old story, Mama. You should see some of these guys’ literature. Shakespeare would have loved it....Just imagine ''A Midsummer Night’s Dream'' with twelve extra genders...”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“You go where you shouldn’t go,” Kit said, and couldn’t help grinning, “you find out stuff you shouldn’t find out. Like how you taste in a sweet-and-sour sauce with galingale. The universe is full of little surprises.” / 
“I always have the feeling that there’s a lot about this wizardry you’re not telling me,” his father said. “Sometimes it worries me. Then come times like this when I’m horribly glad about my ignorance.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“A symbol of innocence endlessly chased by the banality of evil.” (Carmela about the road runner) / 
Kit went back to his corn flakes. “I wish the evil ''I''  keep running into was a little more banal,” he muttered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“We could airwalk it...” (Kit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Where’s my bed?!” Dairine shrieked. / 
“It’s on Pluto,” Nita said. “On the winter side.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I wish I knew what alien force had kidnapped my sister and left this vindictive thug of a pod person in her place. Because when I find out, I’m going to hunt it down and kick however many rear ends it has from here to Alphecca!” (Dairine)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“If you listen to them for too long,” Tom said, “you won’t be able to say anything that takes more than seventeen syllables.” / 
“I should send Dairine over,” Nita said. / 
“Even ''their'' powers have limits.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“It kills you, doesn’t it?” Dairine said. ”Asking me for help.” / 
Nita gave her sister a very slight smile. “Better it should kill me than Kit,” she said. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Not being alone is the best part of being a wizard!” She swallowed. “Or just being a person.” (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I wish Nita were here.” (Kit) / 
''I don’t!'' Ponch said. ''I wouldn’t want anybody I liked to be here. And I don’t want us to be here either!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Kit was looking over at the Earth. “It really is the best job, isn’t it?” he said. / 
Nita nodded. “None better. And the company’s good, too.” / 
“The best,” Kit said.

== [[wikipedia:Wizard's Holiday|Wizard's Holiday]] ==
&quot;Fairest and Fallen-&quot;

&quot;Yes, yes. Greetings and Defiance! Thank you very much! I really wish you people would come up with something else to say!&quot; (Kit and Esemeli)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Kit?&quot; came his mama's voice from downstairs. &quot;Nita?&quot;

&quot;Chicken!&quot; Nita said, and was out of the room before Kit even had time to turn around.&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Dairine opened her mouth to say something, and then completely forgot what, as Sker'ret began to eat.

He ate the glass. He ate the cans. He ate the asparagus, and the peas, and the canned tomatoes, and every other foodstuff that had fallen on the floor. He slurped up every bit of liquid. And when he was done, he looked around him, and with his foreclaws, he picked up the torn-off cupboard door, which he had carefully set aside while dealing with the canned goods.

&quot;Not the door!&quot; Dairine yelled. Sker'ret's head turned in some alarm. &quot;No?&quot; 

&quot;No,&quot; Dairine said, trying hard to calm herself. &quot;I'm sorry; that's part of the kitchen.&quot;

&quot;Oh,&quot; Sker'ret said. &quot;My apologies. I didn't realize.&quot; Carefully he set the door aside again, and turned his attention downward. 

&quot;No, no, no, no,&quot; Dairine said. &quot;Leave the floor!&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;I mean lots of people might never believe that you could ever be forgiven for what you've been... what you've done.&quot;

&quot;That could be so,&quot; the Lone One said softly. &quot;As there might also be those who've become a little smug, over time, about their own redemption's... enough so that they'd feel comfortable dictating to The One their own minuscule ideas about who else ought to qualify for forgiveness.&quot; It laughed, a sudden bitter sound. &quot;And it's a fool's game, because there is no sounding The One, no grasping it.&quot; It looked, and sounded, angry, and scornful, and a little haunted... even disturbed. &quot;All we can be sure of is that, whether we like it or not, The One means us all well, more so than we can ever comprehend. And the details of that meaning are sometimes going to be impossible for any created being to fathom... even the Powers that Be.&quot;  (Kit and Esemeli)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Okay, Tom,” Nita’s dad said. “For the Wizardly challenged among us, this means…?”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Oh, hi, Kit,” her dad said. “Come on in. I can’t get used to it, the times when you walk over: I keep expecting you to just appear out of nothing in the living room, as usual.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I really would be happier if Kit was with you. You two’ve been pretty good backup to each other in the past.” (Harry)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Just a wizardry. I’m playing with the speed of light.” (Kit) / 
“I thought that was supposed to be a law,” Carmela said. “You shouldn’t break laws.” / 
“I’m not. I’m not even bending this one,” Kit said. “Just bending space.” / 
“For the ''fun'' of it,” His sister said in wonder. “You make my brains bleed sometimes, you know that?” / 
“Not half as much as I wish I did.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I’ve revised my opinion of you way upward.” (Carmela) / 
“That concerns me so deeply,” Kit said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Try not to destroy your host civilization or anything.” (Urruah) 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Would you normally open the door and get out of a car you were driving?” (Tom)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“It’s not just in your world that there have been changes. ''I’ve'' had my share of them. Huge ones...which you were deeply involved in, you and your sister. ... she wouldn’t have been sent ''here''. She wouldn’t have been the beginning of the answer to the Alaalid’s problem. Whereas you two are...unfortunately for me. They ''would'' send someone with whom I have so much history.” (The Lone Power)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Because this once, It had no choice but to tell the truth,” Kit said. “Not after Nita was finished with it anyway.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“That Binding Oath is really something,” he said, “if it makes the Lone Power help us even when It’s trying to screw us up.” (Kit)

== [[wikipedia:Wizards at War|Wizards at War]] ==
&quot;What do your people usually wear when meeting your leaders?&quot; (Roshaun)

&quot;If we've got any guts at all, a real annoyed expression,&quot; Dairine said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

Three true things await discovery:
:Darkness overspreading,
:A commorancy underground,
:And the moon is no dream. (one of Spot's prophecies)&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;'Mela,&quot; Nita said under her breath, &quot;you need to stop concentrating on someone else's hottitude and get serious, okay? We are ''not'' in a safe place here.&quot;

&quot;Yeah, okay,&quot; Carmela muttered. But she shot Nita a sly look. &quot;See that? Hung up on my little brother as you unfortunately are, I got you to admit it. He is ''utterly'' hot.&quot;

&quot;I am not--&quot; Nita exhaled in exasperation. &quot;Forget it. As for Ronan--yeah, he has his moments.&quot;

&quot;Without a doubt,&quot; Carmela said. &quot;And how many of his moments have ''you'' had?&quot;&lt;br /&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''Beware!'' said the peridexis's voice in her head. ''Don't let Its shadowy little truth overwhelm the greater one.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Except when the freedom is one ''you'' don't choose to grant,&quot; Memeki said, more loudly this time. She was shaking herself all over, struggling to stand straight again. &quot;You hold our hope with one claw and take it away with her other! I may be weak and doomed soon to die, but I will die as an ''I'', not just one more nameless scarp of shell to be thrown out into the sucking mud!  No matter how little a time it lasts, I will be what all ''these'' are&quot; -she looked around at Kit and Ponch and Nita and the others-&quot;selves unto themselves and being what matters to each other! Such a life, even a breath's worth of it, is better than anything you've ever given me!&quot;

Memeki was trembling again, but with passion, with determination, desperate and doomed. She took a step toward the dias, and another, her claw lifted not in that old gesture of submission, but in one more like a warrior's threat. &quot;I will ''be'' what the Voice said I was, the Hesper. I ''will'' be the Aeon of Light, the Power that made a different choice from yours. I will be the Star that did not fall, no matter how little a time the light lasts!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Neets, is it true he destroyed a whole alien culture in just ten days?” (Carmela)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Am I allowed to ''think'' about teleporting her to Titan and dumping her in a lake of liquid methane?” (Kit) / 
“No,” Nit said... “It’d upset those microbes there... the ones Dairine’s been coaching in situational ethics.” / 
“The thought of ''Dairine'' coaching anybody in ethics...”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“''How'' many are we for dinner tonight?” (Harry) / 
“The usual,” came the reply. “Three humans, one humanoid, one tree, one giant bug – ”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Kings are made no less by eating,” Roshaun said. “Rather, they ennoble what they eat.” / 
“Wow, who sold you ''that'' one?” Nita said. She grinned… “I think I’ll go ennoble a couple of waffles.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“''When'' did you get the idea it would be cute to carve my dad’s cell-phone number on a rock in the middle of Syrtis Major? He ''hates'' it when people call me on his phone.” / 
Kit gave Nita a resigned look. “Sorry,” he said, “I couldn’t resist.” / 
“Well, ''resist'' next time!”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“So, if you guys are going to lose your wizardry for a while...who’s going to take over for you as Seniors?” he said. “Who’s going to be running the planet?” (Kit) / 
Tom and Carl looked at each other, then at Nita and Kit. “You are,” they said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''Hey, I need to take some more time off school. Yeah? How much? Oh, just enough to save the universe. Might be a few weeks. But no more than a few months, because everything that exists may be destroyed by then...'' (Kit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I’m fine,” Kit said. “But we have to save the universe.” / 
... ''Oh'', Ponch said. ''Okay.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“What ''is'' grenfelzing, exactly?” (Kit) / 
“It’s kind of like emmfozing,” his sister said after a moment, “but with chocolate.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“It ''is'' true,” Carmela said. “For silicon-based life forms, one of the chemicals in chocolate is an aphrodisiac.” / 
“Oh, now, ''wait'' a minute!” Kit said, and covered his eyes with one hand.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''We’re about to set a weirdness base line the likes of which the planet’s never seen.'' (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“How do I look?” (Roshaun) / 
“Great,” she said. “Tiffany’s would want you for their front window.” (Dairine)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“To what land of your world is such raiment native?” (Roshaun) / 
“Possibly Oz,” Dairine said, “but I doubt the Good Witch of the North is going to come after me for stealing her look.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“You are outspoken.” (Nelaid) / 
“Speaking truth to power,” Dairine said, “is never ‘out’.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Uh, maybe there was a less tactful way I could have put that...” (Dairine)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“You alright? Besides your injured dignity, I mean.” (Dairine)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“There’s something odd about the primary’s flare pattern.” (Roshaun) / 
“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Dairine said. “I chucked a black hole into it.” / 
Roshaun put his eyebrows up. “Stars in your neighborhood seem to have a rough time of it.” / 
“If ours acts weird, talk to Nita,” Dairine said, rather annoyed. “First time it went out was on ''her'' watch.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“You are always hearing trouble before it happens,” Roshaun said. “Some might say it was a sign of lack of faith in the benevolence of the universe. Or of dysfunction.” / 
Dairine glared at him. “You keep this up, I’ll give you a dysfunction where you’ll have trouble finding it again,” she muttered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Does it feel right?” Filif said (about the Nita ''mochteroof''). He held out an arm. / 
Kit pinched it experimentally. “Yeah...” / 
“Does it smell right?” / 
“I wouldn’t answer that if I were you,” Nita said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
You mean we should ''tell'' her that being hot on Ronan is actually being hot on both a cranky Celto-Goth hottie and a senior Power-That-Is who spent most of the last ten years on earth wearing a macaw costume?” (Kit) / 
Nita looked at him. / 
“Nah,” Kit said at last. “Let’s not say anything.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''There is a high probability that the smothered reaction will interact unfavorably with the matter in the immediate vicinity.'' (Peridexis) / 
''Will our shield hold?'' (Nita) / 
''Yes.'' / 
''Then let’s start getting unfavorable!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Not bad,” Sker’ret said...”We should apply to get that one named after you. ‘Callahan’s Unfavorable Instigation,’ or something like that.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Forgive me if I take a moment to see where the people who were shooting at us are now.” (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I told Kit I wanted a magic closet! And now I’ve got one.” (Carmela)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''You have to send the stupid ones back so they can get it right the next time.'' (Ponch on squirrel chasing)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“This is Memeki,” Kit said.
Nita and Memeki exchanged a glance. “Yes,” Nita said slowly, “she is.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Now, here I am having some quality smooch time with my favorite doggie and ''you’re'' just standing there ruining it. Bear with me while I ask one of these nice people for a spell or something to destroy you with.” She glanced around. “Filif! Would you destroy Kit for me, please? You’re such a honey. Thanks.” (Carmela)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“It is possible to be too nosy,” she said, “even around people as perfect as Kit and me.” (Nita)
Carmela looked thoughtful. “‘Perfect,’” she said experimentally. “‘Kit.’” Then she shook her head. “Sorry, Neets, one of those words is in the wrong sentence...”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Okay, we’re supposed to become useless, now, because we think we’re marooned, completely isolated, and totally powerless. Forgive me if I don’t feel like cooperating.” (Kit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Do your poor worst!” (Roshaun)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“You were kind of on fire there,” Kit said. / 
Nita rubbed her eyes. “Tell me about it,” she said. “I really need an aspirin.” / 
“No, I mean on ''fire'' on fire,” Kit said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“Your dog started making universes out of noting. This wasn’t a slight tip-off?” (the Pig) / 
“And not just making them,” Nita said. “Saving them.” / 
“Or saving one person,” Kit said. / 
“It’s the same thing, I’m told.”

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“I’m lying on an effing Star Wars bedspread. Will I ever be able to look myself in the eye again?” (Ronan)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“What is it with these women? Always yelling...” (Ronan) / 
“They do that,” Kit said, rolling his eyes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“We are on errantry... and, boy, do we ever greet you.” (Tom)

== [[wikipedia:A Wizard of Mars|A Wizard of Mars]] ==
&quot;An oracular who predicts the future a minute late is possibly even less effective than one who gets it wrong all the time.&quot; (Tom)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
He reached down in among some of the plants, pushed broad green leaves aside, and sighed. &quot;Guys,&quot; Tom said in the Speech, &quot;how many times do we have to have this conversation?&quot; He picked something up, looked at it. It was a slug. He shook his head and tossed it off to one side, into another leafy bed. &quot;Those are ''your'' strawberries&quot; -''fling''- &quot;over ''there!'' These are ''my'' strawberries&quot; -''fling''- &quot;over ''here!'' /

Nita restrained herself, but wasn't quite ready to stop teasing Tom yet. &quot;Isn't it weird that a Senior Wizard can talk the sky out of hitting things with lightning but can't talk a bunch of slugs out of eating his strawberries?&quot;

Tom sighed. &quot;Lightning's a lot easier to talk to than slugs,&quot; he said. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Hey,&quot; Nita said [to Doitsu the koi]. &quot;I forgot to ask you:
:''&quot;Wha'd you think of the mealworms?''
:''Did they satisfy''
:''That deep-down desire for 'yum'?&quot;'' /
Doitsu eyed Nita from under the water. &quot;The mealworms were lovely,&quot; he said. &quot;But your scansion's execrable. 'Wha'd'?&quot;

Nita rolled her eyes. &quot;I'm just getting the hang of this! Cut me some slack!&quot;

&quot;When you can construct a haiku without apostrophes, sure,&quot; Doitsu said. &quot;And not a moment sooner. If you're going to be an oracular, you've got standards to maintain. So get out there and make me ''not'' want to spit in your eye.&quot; /

&quot;I'm getting trash-talked by ''fish'',&quot; she said under her breath. &quot;Something's wrong with this picture.&quot; (Nita)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Whatever. At least she'll have fun with the vampires!&quot;

Nita shook her head. &quot;No vampires,&quot; she said. &quot;Some undead, yeah, and some confused Goth wannabes. But there haven't been real turn-into-a-bat-and-flap-around vampires since 1652.&quot;

&quot;Really? What happened in 1652?&quot;

&quot;Some other time, okay?&quot; (Nita and Carmela about Helena)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
Nita went over to Dairine. Under her breath she said, &quot;You look like a Jedi knight who lost the bathrobe's belt.&quot;

Dairine rolled her eyes. &quot;I live for your fashion bulletins.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;I keep meaning to ask you. What ''is'' on Mars?&quot;

&quot;Besides a rock with your cell phone number carved on it?&quot; Nita grinned. &quot;We're not sure. But we're gonna find out.&quot;

&quot;Well, all right. But don't get us invaded, now...&quot;

''&quot;Daddy!&quot;'' (Nita and her father)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;They call them skylights,&quot; Nita said, bouncing down toward the closest of them. &quot;Don't ask me why, but they gave them all girls' names. Dena, Chloe, Wendy, Annie, Nikki-&quot; /

Nita nodded. &quot;Seven of them, anyway.&quot;

&quot;But there's another one,&quot; Carmela said. &quot;Is that where we're going?&quot;

Nita looked at the manual, looked at S'ree, nodded. &quot;That's the one.&quot;

&quot;I shall call it Louise,&quot; Carmela said, and bounced off that way as if everything were settled.

Nita made a strangled growling noise.

== Repeated ==
&quot;Fairest and fallen, greeting and defiance!&quot;  (a wizard's standard greeting to the Lone Power.)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;I am on errantry, and I greet you.&quot; (a wizard's standard greeting to those they meet while on wizardry business)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
&quot;Well met on the common journey.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
“''Dai stihó'', cousin.”

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
[http://www.youngwizards.com Young Wizards website]


[[Category:Young adult fiction]]
[[Category:Science fiction books]]
[[Category:American novels]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>G. H. Hardy</title>
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      <comment>/* A Mathematician's Apology (1941) */(2) + minor edits</comment>
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      <text bytes="18877" sha1="masb0m339kyvqidmuvxgf7zyfo424d2" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Ghhardy@72.jpg|thumb|right|A mathematician, like a painter or a poet, is a maker of patterns. If his patterns are more permanent than theirs, it is because they are made with ideas.]]
'''[[w:G. H. Hardy|Godfrey Harold Hardy]]''' FRS ([[7 February]] [[1877]] – [[1 December]] [[1947]]) was an English [[mathematics|mathematician]], known for his achievements in [[number theory]] and [[mathematical analysis]]. In biology, he is known for the [[w:Hardy–Weinberg principle|Hardy–Weinberg principle]], a basic principle of [[w:population genetics|population genetics]]. Hardy is usually known by those outside the field of mathematics for his 1940 essay ''[[w:A Mathematician's Apology|A Mathematician's Apology]]'', often considered one of the best insights into the mind of a working mathematician written for the [[w:layperson|layperson]]. He had a long collaboration with [[John Edensor Littlewood]], and he discovered and supported the work of [[Srinivasa Ramanujan]].

==Quotes==
* [[Mathematicians]] have constructed a very large number of different systems of geometry, Euclidean or non-Euclidean, of one, two, three, or any number of dimensions. All these systems are of complete and equal validity. They embody the results of mathematicians' observations of ''their'' reality, a reality far more intense and far more rigid than the dubious and elusive reality of physics. The old-fashioned geometry of [[Euclid]], the entertaining seven-point geometry of [[Oswald Veblen|Veblen]], the space-times of [[Hermann Minkowski|Minkowski]] and [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]], are all absolutely and equally real. ...There may be three dimensions in this room and five next door. As a professional mathematician, I have no idea; I can only ask some competent physicist to instruct me in the facts.&lt;br /&gt;The function of a mathematician, then, is simply to observe the facts about his own intricate system of reality, that astonishingly beautiful complex of logical relations which forms the subject-matter of his science, as if he were an explorer looking at a distant range of mountains, and to record the results of his observations in a series of maps, each of which is a branch of pure mathematics. ...Among them there perhaps none quite so fascinating, with quite the astonishing contrasts of sharp outline and shade, as that which constitutes the [[Number theory|theory of numbers]].
** &quot;The Theory of Numbers,&quot; ''Nature'' (Sep 16, 1922) [https://books.google.com/books?id=1bMzAQAAMAAJ Vol. 110] p. 381

* If I knew I was going to die today, I think I should still want to hear the [[cricket]] scores.
** Quoted in ''The Joy of Cricket'' (ed. John Bright-Holmes, 1984)

* If I could prove by logic that you would die in five minutes, I should be sorry you were going to die, but my sorrow would be very much mitigated by pleasure in the proof.
** Quoted by Bertrand Russell, ''[https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Logical_and_Philosophical_Papers_1909_13/SSd9Iu1uXHoC Logical and Philosophical Papers, 1909–13]'', Routledge, 1992, p. xxix.

=== ''Ramanujan'' (1940) ===
:&lt;small&gt;''[[Srinivasa Ramanujan|Ramanujan]] : Twelve Lectures on Subjects Suggested by His Life and Work'' &lt;/small&gt;

* He could remember the idiosyncrasies of numbers in an almost uncanny way. It was [[John Littlewood|Littlewood]] who said that every positive integer was one of Ramanujan's personal friends. I remember once going to see him when he was ill at Putney. I had ridden in taxi cab number 1729 and remarked that the number seemed to me rather a dull one, and that I hoped it was not an unfavorable omen. &quot;No,&quot; he replied, &quot;it is a very interesting number; it is the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways.&quot;
** Ch. I : The Indian mathematician Ramanujan.

* I am obliged to interpolate some remarks on a very difficult subject: ''proof'' and its importance in mathematics. All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians, are contemptuous about proof. I have heard Professor [[Arthur Stanley Eddington|Eddington]], for example, maintain that proof, as [[pure mathematicians]] understand it, is really quite uninteresting and unimportant, and that no one who is really certain that he has found something good should waste his time looking for proof.
** Ch. I : The Indian mathematician Ramanujan.

===''[[w:A Mathematician's Apology|A Mathematician's Apology]]'' (1941)===
* … there is no scorn more profound, or on the whole more justifiable, than that of the men who make for the men who explain.  Exposition, criticism, appreciation, is work for second-rate minds.&lt;!--1967 p. 61---&gt;

* If a man has any genuine talent, he should be ready to make almost any sacrifice in order to cultivate it to the full.&lt;!--1967 p. 68---&gt;

* No mathematician should... allow himself to forget that mathematics, more than any other art or science, is a young man's game. ...Newton gave up mathematics at fifty; ...by the time he was forty ...his great creative days were over. His greatest ideas.., fluxions and the law of gravitation, came... about 1666, when he was twenty four... He made big discoveries until... nearly forty (the 'elliptic orbit' at thirty-seven), but after that he did little but polish and perfect.&lt;!--1967 pp. 70-71---&gt; 

* [[Évariste Galois|Galois]] died at twenty-one, [[Niels Henrik Abel|Abel]] at twenty-seven, [[Srinivasa Ramanujan|Ramanujan]] at thirty-three, [[Bernhard Riemann|Riemann]] at forty. There have been men who have done great work a good deal later; [[Carl Friedrich Gauss|Gauss]]'s great memoir on [[differential geometry]] was published when he was fifty (though he had had the fundamental ideas ten years before). I do not know an instance of a major mathematical advance initiated by a man past fifty. If a man of mature age loses interest in and abandons mathematics, the loss is not likely to be very serious either for mathematics or for himself.
&lt;!--1967 pp. 71-72---&gt;

* [L]ater records of mathematicians... are not... encouraging. ...There is no instance ...of a first rate mathematician abandoning mathematics and attaining first-rate distinction in any other field. ...Every young mathematician of real talent whom I have known has been faithful to mathematics.., not from lack of ambition but from abundance of it; they have all recognized that  there... lay the road to a life of any distinction.
&lt;!--1967 pp. 72-73---&gt;

* [[Archimedes]] will be remembered when [[Aeschylus]] is forgotten, because languages die and mathematical ideas do not. &quot;Immortality&quot; may be a silly word, but probably a mathematician has the best chance of whatever it may mean.&lt;!--1967 p. 81---&gt;

* '''A mathematician, like a painter or a poet, is a maker of patterns. If his patterns are more permanent than theirs, it is because they are made with ''ideas''.'''&lt;!--1967 Ch. 10, p. 84--&gt;

* A painter makes patterns with shapes and colours, a poet with words.  A painting may embody an ‘idea’, but the idea is usually commonplace and unimportant.  In poetry, ideas count for a good deal more; but, as Housman insisted, the importance of ideas in poetry is habitually exaggerated: '... Poetry is not the thing said but a way of saying it.' ...[In poetry,] the poverty of the ideas seems hardly to affect the beauty of the verbal pattern.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 10, p. 84--&gt;

* The mathematician’s patterns, like the painter’s or the poet’s must be ''beautiful''; the ideas like the colours or the words, must fit together in a harmonious way.  '''[[Beauty]] is the first test: there is no permanent place in the world for ugly mathematics.'''&lt;!--1967 Ch. 10, p. 85--&gt;

* [[Chess]] problems are the hymn-tunes of mathematics.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 10, p. 87--&gt;

* ''{{w|Reductio ad absurdum}}'', which [[Euclid]] loved so much, is one of a mathematician's finest weapons. It is a far finer {{w|gambit}} than any [[chess]] gambit: a chess player may offer the sacrifice of a [[Pawn (chess)|pawn]] or even a piece, but a mathematician offers ''the game''.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 12, p. 94--&gt;

* A chess problem is genuine mathematics, but it is in some way 'trivial' mathematics. However ingenious and intricate, however original and surprising the moves, there is something essential lacking. Chess problems are ''unimportant''. The best mathematics is serious as well as beautiful – ''important'' if you like, but the word is very ambiguous, and 'serious' expresses what I mean much better.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 11, pp. 88-89--&gt;

* '''I am interested in mathematics only as a creative art.'''&lt;!--1967 Ch. 19, p. 115--&gt;

* It is... astonishing how little practical value [[Science|scientific]] [[knowledge]] has for ordinary men, how dull and commonplace such of it as has value is, and how its value seems almost to vary inversely to its reputed utility. ...We live either by {{w|rule of thumb}} or on other people's professional knowledge.&lt;!--1969 Ch. 20, p. 117--&gt;

* [A] good deal of elementary mathematics... 'elementary' in the sense in which professional mathematicians use it... [e.g.,] knowledge of the differential and integral calculus—has considerable practical utility. These... are... rather dull... the parts which have least aesthetic value. The 'real' mathematics of the 'real' mathematicians... of [[Pierre de Fermat|Fermat]] and [[Leonhard Euler|Euler]] and [[Carl Friedrich Gauss|Gauss]] and [[Niels Henrik Abel|Abel]] and [[Bernhard Riemann|Riemann]], is almost wholly 'useless' (...as true of 'applied' as of 'pure' mathematics). It is not possible to justify the life of any genuine professional mathematician on the ground of... 'utility'...&lt;!--1969 Ch. 21, p. 119--&gt;

* [S]cience works for evil as well as for good (...particularly ...in time of war); and... mathematicians may be justified in rejoicing that there is one science... their own, whose ...remoteness from ordinary human activities should keep it gentle and clean.&lt;!--1969 Ch. 21, p. 121--&gt;

* It is... natural to suppose that there is a great difference in utility between '[[Pure mathematics|pure]]' and [[Applied mathematics|'applied' mathematics]]. This is a delusion...&lt;!--1969 Ch. 21, p. 121--&gt;

* '''A man who could give a convincing account of mathematical reality would have solved very many of the most difficult problems of [[metaphysics]]. If he could include physical reality in his account, he would have solved them all.'''&lt;!--1969 Ch. 22, p. 123--&gt;

* '''[M]athematical reality lies outside us''' ...our function is to discover or ''observe'' it, and ...the [[theorem]]s ...we prove, and ...describe grandiloquently as our 'creations', are simply our notes of our [[observation]]s. This view has been held, in one form or another, by many [[Philosophy|philosophers]] of high reputation from [[Plato]] onwards [...]&lt;!--1969 Ch. 22, pp. 123-4--&gt;

* There is the science of [[w:Synthetic geometry|pure geometry]], in which there are many geometries, {{w|projective geometry}}, {{w|Euclidean geometry}}, [[non-Euclidean geometry]]... [etc.]. Each... is a {{w|model}}, a [[pattern]] of [[ideas]]... judged by the [[w:Interest (emotion)|interest]] and [[beauty]] of... pattern. It is a map or picture, the... product of many hands, a partial and imperfect copy (yet exact so far as it extends) of a section of mathematical reality. But... '''there is one thing... of which pure geometries are not pictures, and that is the [[w:Spatiotemporal pattern|spatio-temporal]] reality of the physical world.''' ...[T]hey cannot be, since earthquakes and eclipses are not mathematical concepts.&lt;!--1969 Ch. 23, p. 124--&gt;

* '''The play is independent of the pages on which it is printed, and 'pure geometries' are independent of lecture rooms,''' [rough blackboard drawings] '''or of any other detail of the physical world.'''&lt;br /&gt;This is the point of view of a pure mathematician. Applied mathematicians, mathematical physicists... take a different view... preoccupied with the physical world itself, which also has its structure or pattern. ...We may be able to trace a ...resemblance between the two sets of relations, and then the pure geometry will become interesting to physicists; it will give us ...a map which 'fits the facts' ...'''The geometer offers ...a whole set of maps from which to choose.'''&lt;!--1969 Ch. 23, p. 126--&gt;

* [T]here is no mathematician so pure that he feels no interest at all in the physical world; but, in so far as he succumbs to this temptation, he will be abandoning his purely mathematical position.&lt;!--1969 Ch. 23, pp. 127-8--&gt;

* ...there is probably less difference between the positions of a [[Mathematicians|mathematician]] and of a [[Physics|physicist]] than is generally supposed, [...] '''the mathematician is in much more direct contact with reality.'''  This may seem a paradox, since it is the physicist who deals with the subject-matter usually described as 'real', but [...] [a physicist] is trying to correlate the incoherent body of crude fact confronting him with some definite and orderly scheme of abstract relations, the kind of scheme he can borrow only from [[mathematics]].&lt;!--1969 Ch. 22, pp. 128-9--&gt;

* 317 is a prime, not because we think so, or because our minds are shaped in one way rather than another, but ''because it is so'', because mathematical reality is built that way.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 24, p. 130--&gt;

* [[Pure mathematics|[P]ure mathematics]] is on the whole distinctly more useful than [[applied mathematics|applied]]. [...] For what is useful above all is ''technique'', and mathematical technique is taught mainly through pure mathematics.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 26, p. 134--&gt;

* [T]he trivial mathematics is, on the whole, useful, and... the real mathematics, on the whole, is not...&lt;!--1967 Ch. 28, p. 139--&gt;

* No one has yet discovered any warlike purpose to be served by the theory of numbers or relativity, and it seems unlikely that anyone will do so for many years.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 28, p. 140--&gt;

* I still say to myself when I am depressed and find myself forced to listen to pompous and tiresome people 'Well, I have done one thing you could never have done, and that is to have collaborated with [[John Edensor Littlewood|Littlewood]] and [[Srinivasa Ramanujan|Ramanujan]] on something like equal terms.'&lt;!--1967 Ch. 29, p. 148--&gt;

* No discovery of mine has made, or is likely to make, directly or indirectly, for good or ill, the least difference to the amenity of the world.&lt;!--1967 Ch. 29, p. 150--&gt;

====Quoted by C. P. Snow====
''Quoted by [[w:C. P. Snow|C. P. Snow]] in his foreword to the [https://archive.org/details/mathematiciansap0000hard_u4z4/ 1967 Cambridge edition]''
* [[w:Donald Bradman|Bradman]] is a whole class above any batsman who has ever lived: if Archimedes, Newton and Gauss remain in the [[w:Jack Hobbs|Hobbs]] class, I have to admit the possibility of a class above them, which I find difficult to imagine.  They had better be moved from now on into the Bradman class. (pg 28)
*It is never worth a first-class man's time to express a majority opinion. By definition, there are plenty of others to do that. (pg 46)

== Quotes about G. H. Hardy ==

* Hardy was a great internationalist who worked with foreign mathematicians, visiting them, encouraging them to visit him and settling some, including [[Abram Samoilovitch Besicovitch|Besicovitch]], in England. There were some major probability figures in Hardy’s network: [[George Pólya]] (1887-1985) of [[Zürich]], [[Norbert Wiener]] (1894-1964) of [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]] and [[Harald Cramér]] (1893-1985) of [[Stockholm]]-appropriately Wiener and Cramér first met when visiting Hardy in 1920.
** {{cite journal|last=Aldrich|first=John|title=England and Continental Probability in the Inter-War Years|journal=Electronic Journal for History of Probability and Statistics|date=December 2009|volume=5|issue=2|page=3|url=http://www.jehps.net/Decembre2009/Aldrich.pdf}}

* In 1933 [[Edmund Landau|Landau]] was dismissed from his [University of Göttingen] chair on the grounds of his race. An important colleague... [[w:Ludwig Bieberbach|Ludwig Bieberbach]] ...wrote the following lines in a treatise on ''Personality structure and mathematical creativity'':&lt;br /&gt;&quot;In this way... the ultimate reason behind the courageous rejection which the students at Göttingen University  meted out to a great mathematician, Edmund Landau, was that his un-German style in research and teaching had become intolerable to German sensitivities. A people which has seen how alien desires for dominion are gnawing at its identity, how enemies of the people are working to impose their alien ways on it, must reject teachers of a type alien to it.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;The English mathematician Godfrey H. Hardy... responded to Bieberbach...&lt;br /&gt;&quot;There are many of us, many English and many Germans, who said things during the (First) War which we scarcely meant and are sorry to remember now. Anxiety for one's own position, dread of falling behind the rising torrent of folly, determination at all costs not to be outdone, may be natural if not particularly heroic excuses. Prof. Bieberbach's reputation excludes such explanation for his utterances; and I find myself driven to the more uncharitable conclusion that he really believes them true.&quot;
** Jörg Arndt &amp; Christoph Haenel, ''Pi - Unleashed'' (2012)

* To illustrate to what extent Hardy and Littlewood in the course of the years came to be considered as the leaders of recent English mathematical research, I may report what an excellent colleague once jokingly said: 'Nowadays, there are only three really great English mathematicians: Hardy, Littlewood, and Hardy-Littlewood.'
** Harald Bohr, {{cite book
|authorlink=[[Harald Bohr]]
|title=Collected Mathematical Works
|volume=1
|year=1952
|publisher=Dansk Matematisk Forening
|location=Copenhagen
|oclc=3172542
|pages=xiii-xxxiv
|chapter=Looking Backward
}}, p. xxvii.

* Hardy in his thirties held the view that the late years of a mathematician's life were spent most profitably in writing books; I remember a particular conversation about this, and though we never spoke of the matter again it remained an understanding.
** [[John Littlewood]], Preface to {{cite book
|last= Hardy
|first= G. H.
|title= Divergent Series
|origyear= 1948
|publisher= Oxford University Press
}}

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
*[http://www.nndb.com/people/858/000159381/ Hardy profile at NNDB]
*[http://www-gap.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~history/Quotations/Hardy.html Quotations of G.H. Hardy from the MacTutor History of Mathematics archive]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hardy, G. H.}}
[[Category:Mathematicians from England]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge faculty]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from England]]
[[Category:Atheists from England]]
[[Category:1877 births]]
[[Category:1947 deaths]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]]
[[Category:University of Oxford faculty]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Return of Jafar</title>
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'''''[[w:The Return of Jafar|The Return of Jafar]]''''' is an American-Arabic direct-to-video sequel to the Disney hit ''[[w:Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]''. It was released in [[w:1994 in film|1994]].

== Iago ==
* Hey, Jafar! '''''SHUT UP!!!!'''''
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Scene Selection&quot;]'' Sounds like fun to me!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Scene Selection&quot;]'' You're the boss! Here we go!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Set Up&quot;]'' Good choice! Here we go!
* ''[from DVD menu, after pressing &quot;Set Up&quot;]'' Decisive! I like that!

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; Brian Hannan music playing a song Arabian Nights]''
:'''Brian Hannan''': Follow me to a place where incredible feats&lt;br&gt;Are routine every hour or so&lt;br&gt;Where enchantment runs rampant&lt;br&gt;Yes, wild in the streets&lt;br&gt;Open sesame... here we go!&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;Arabian nights&lt;br&gt;Like Arabian days&lt;br&gt;They tease and excite&lt;br&gt;Take off and take flight&lt;br&gt;They shock and amaze&lt;br&gt;Arabian nights&lt;br&gt;Like Arabian days&lt;br&gt;More often than not are hotter than hot&lt;br&gt;In a lot of good ways&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;Pack your shield, pack your sword&lt;br&gt;You won't ever get bored&lt;br&gt;Though get beaten or gored you might&lt;br&gt;Come on down, stop on by&lt;br&gt;Hop a carpet and fly&lt;br&gt;To another Arabian night&lt;br&gt;Arabian night! ''[song fades]''
:''[In the Thieves' lair, the thieves see Abis Mal's lair, into a masked men in the lair before his treasure chest]''
:'''Thief #1''': This night has been quite rewarding.
:'''Thief #2''': ''[laughing]'' We have never stolen so much. We have gathered much loot tonight. No thanks to our leader.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Iago''': ''[smears dirt all over himself]'' I'll just get Aladdin on my side with a little sympathy act. And I'll be back in the palace quicker than you can say &quot;Easy Street.&quot; ''[Aladdin turns corner to find him pretending to pant for breath]'' Aladdin! I've finally got free...of Jafar.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[shocked]'' Iago! What are you doing here?
:'''Iago''': Where are you? Getting dark. Hold me... ''[Aladdin tries to grab him]'' Hey, I meant gentle-like!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[returns to Agrabah]'' He's big! He's blue! And he's BACK!
:''[Aladdin and Jasmine embrace him]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie!
:'''Jasmine''': You came back!
:'''Genie''': ''[turns red; winces]'' WATCH THE SUNBURN! ''[turns blue again]'' A-ha! Kidding! Did you miss me? Be honest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[to himself after Aladdin robbed him]'' That stinkin' Aladdin. First chance I get, I'll slice him in half.
:'''Thief''': ''[to other thieves]'' That stinking Abis Mal. First chance we get, let's slice him in half.
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[to the thieves]'' Hey, get over here and wash up! It's bad enough having to look at you without having to smell you.
:'''Thief''': ''[to the other thieves]'' Come. We do it now. No witnesses. ''[draws his sword]''
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[takes a pail out of the well and dumps some water on top of himself, and Jafar's lamp falls out of the pail and hits him on the head]'' Ow! What is this? So help me, I'll sue whoever runs this well! A lamp? ''[picks it up]'' Well... ''[laughs]'' It might be worth a few shekels once it's cleaned up. ''[rubs it]''
:'''Thief''': It will be of little use to you, Abis Mal, except to light your way in the valley of the dead. ''[the thieves pull out their swords ready strike Abis Mal; red smoke suddenly erupts from the lamp]'' It is bewitched!
:''[All the thieves except Abis Mal get on their horses and ride away in panic. Jafar's evil laugh is heard as he comes out]''
:'''Jafar''': I am free! Free to exact vengeance upon he who has imprisoned me! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Genie''': Uh, that couldn't gone worse. 
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine I thought I was sunk.  
:'''Iago''': Oh, not good.  
:'''Jasmine''': You were hiding Iago all along, weren’t you?!  
:'''Genie''': I think it just got worse.  
:'''Aladdin''': Well, yes but...
:'''Jasmine''': How could you? More secret, more lies? Aladdin, I thought you had change.  
:'''Aladdin''': Jasmine, wait! Back to the marketplace! Iago, he... he saved my life. Some grand vizier I’m gonna make. Everybody’s mad at me.  

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[catches Aladdin and Jasmine on tape]'' Rolling! Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. ''[to Jasmine]'' Looking great, Jazz. ''[to Aladdin]'' More emotion, Al! Tilt your chin a bit.
:'''Iago''': ''[furiously flies up to the camera]'' What does he hafta do to make it clear to you lunkheads?! ''[pushes Genie out of the way]'' The show's OVER! They wanna be alone! BREAK IT UP!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[to Abis Mal]'' That was two wishes. Take your time with the third, or you will wish you had never been born!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': ''[runs up to Jasmine with Abu to catch up to Aladdin and the Sultan]'' Make room for the picnic boys!
:'''Jasmine''': They already left, Genie.
:'''Genie''': ''[gasps]'' Without us?!
:'''Abu''': Without us?
:'''Genie''': No problem. I'll catch up in a flash!
:'''Jasmine''': Wait! Without me, too. Aladdin needs some time alone with Father to patch things up.
:'''Genie''': ''[to Abu]'' You know what this means, monkey boy? ''[Abu nods]'' MORE FOOD FOR US!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': Razoul! The sultan's been...
:'''Razoul''': Seize him! You're under arrest, for the murder of the sultan!
:'''Aladdin''': What?! No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jasmine''': ?
:'''Aladdin''': I never wanted--

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the dungeon along with Aladdin locked up in chains]''
:'''Razoul''': ''[last words; with his executioner's mask smells and sighs]'' Dawn!
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I'll tell your boyfriend good-bye for you, Princess.
:'''Sultan''': When I get hold of you, Jafar...
:'''Jafar (Jasmine)''': I'm SO worried.
:'''Iago''': ''[squawks]'' Whew!
:'''Jasmine''': ''[in anger]'' How could you double-cross Aladdin after all he's done for you?!
:''[Abu chatters angrily at him]''
:'''Iago''': Hey! Do I insult your mother?
:'''Jasmine''': ''[sighs]'' What are you doing now?
:'''Iago''': Oh, what does it look like I'm doin'? I'm tryin' to free... the chump genie, so he can... save your chump boyfriend! Squawk! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Abis Mal''': But you said Genie’s can’t killed you said that.
:'''Jafar''': You be surprised what you can lived through... What?!
:'''Abis Mal''': Huh? Hey!
:'''Aladdin''': I'll take that!
:'''Abis Mal''': My lamp! Gimme!
:'''Jafar''': The street rat? Still alive?! NO!!!!!!!!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin hangs onto the rock spire for dear life as it begins to sink into the magma. He tries to reach for Jafar's lamp twice, but misses both times. Jafar laughs diabolically at his misery]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughing]'' Give it up, BOY! You shall NEVER have my lamp... and there is no one to save you this time!
:'''Iago''': Hey, Jafar! '''''SHUT UUUUUUUUUUP!''''' ''[flying to get his lamp from the rock standing]''
:'''Aladdin''': Iago?
:'''Jafar''': TRAITOR! ''[uses his energizing power with his eyes like lightning bolts, injuring Iago in his left wing]''
:'''Jasmine''': No!
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs evilly]'' Good help is SO hard to find these days, isn't it, Aladdin? ''[resumes his evil laughter, but gasps when he sees Iago using the last of his strength to kick his lamp down to the pit of lava]'' My lamp! '''NOOOOOO!!!!''' 
:'''Aladdin''': Iago! 
:''[Jafar screams in rage and agony, before finally exploding, everyone gathers around Iago, who appears as though injured and unconscious]'' 
:'''Aladdin''': Iago. 
:'''Jasmine''': No. 
:'''Aladdin''': But...I thought a Genie can't kill anybody.
:'''Iago''': ''[coughs, as he awakens]'' You'd be surprised what you can live through. ''[coughs again]''
:'''Aladdin''': Alright!
:'''Jasmine''': Oh, Iago!
:'''Genie''': ''[laughs]'' HE'S ALIVE!!!!! ''[turns into a rocket and explodes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abis Mal''': ''[last lines after the credits]'' Does this mean I don't get my third wish?

==Cast==
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] — [[w:Jafar (Aladdin)|Jafar]]
* [[w:Gilbert Gottfried|Gilbert Gottfried]] — [[w:Iago (Aladdin)|Iago]]
* [[w:Jason Alexander|Jason Alexander]] — Abis Mal
* [[w:Scott Weinger|Scott Weinger]] — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]]
* [[w:Linda Larkin|Linda Larkin]] — [[w:Jasmine (Aladdin)|Jasmine]]
* [[w:Dan Castelleneta|Dan Castelleneta]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:List of Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]], [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Rajah|Rajah]]
* [[w:Val Bettin|Val Bettin]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#The Sultan|The Sultan]]
* [[w:Jim Cummings|James J. Cummings]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Razoul|Razoul]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0107952}}

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      <text bytes="40016" sha1="t5ixyjmwb4z053toruroz5dt97w9f4d" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Bill Styron in his West Chop writing room on Martha's Vineyard - August 1989.jpg|thumb|The [[good]] writing of any age has always been the product of ''someone's'' neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull [[literature]] if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.]]

'''[[w:William Styron|William Clark Styron, Jr.]]''' ([[11 June]] [[1925]] &amp;ndash; [[1 November]] [[2006]]) was an American novelist. He is most famous for two controversial novels: the Pulitzer Prize-winning ''[[w:The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967)|The Confessions of Nat Turner]]'' (1967), depicting the life of [[Nat Turner]], the leader of an 1831 Virginia slave revolt, and ''[[w:Sophie's Choice (novel)|Sophie's Choice]]'' (1979), which deals with the [[w:The Holocaust|Holocaust]].
: See also: [[Sophie's Choice (film)|'''''Sophie's Choice''''' (1982 film based on his novel)]]

== Quotes ==
[[File:LigUitLig.jpg|thumb|A [[great]] [[book]] should leave you with many [[experiences]], and slightly exhausted at the [[end]]. You live several [[lives]] while [[reading]] it.]]
[[File:Rosetta Stone.JPG|thumb|It could be all unwittingly that I wrote in ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' what amounted to a [[w:Rosetta Stone|Rosetta stone]] for my other work.]]

* '''[[Writers]] ever since writing began have had problems, and the main problem narrows down to just one [[word]] — [[life]]. Certainly this might be an age of so-called faithlessness and [[despair]] we live in, but the new writers haven’t cornered any market on faithlessness and despair, any more than [[Fyodor Dostoevsky|Dostoyevsky]] or [[Christopher Marlowe|Marlowe]] or [[Sophocles]] did.''' Every age has its terrible aches and [[pains]], its peculiar new horrors, and every writer since the [[beginning]] of [[time]], just like other people, has been afflicted by what that same friend of mine calls “the fleas of life”—you know, colds, hangovers, bills, sprained ankles, and little nuisances of one sort or another. They are the constants of life, at the core of life, along with nice little [[delights]] that come along every now and then.
** [http://theparisreview.org/viewinterview.php/prmMID/5114 ''The Paris Review'' (Spring 1954)] &lt;!-- This has been appeared in a paraphrased version: Every writer since the beginning of time, just like other people, has been afflicted by what a friend of mine calls &quot;the fleas of life&quot; — you know, colds, hangovers, bills, sprained ankles and little nuisances of one sort or another. --&gt;

* '''A [[great]] [[book]] should leave you with many [[experiences]], and slightly exhausted at the [[end]]. You live several lives while reading it.'''
** Interview in ''Writers at Work'', First Series (1958), edited by [[w:George Plimpton|George Plimpton]]

* '''The [[good]] writing of any age has always been the product of ''someone's'' neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull [[literature]] if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.'''
** ''Writers at Work'' (1958)

* I discovered that I had, in the past two decades, written a far greater amount in the essay form than I remembered. Certainly I have written enough of it to demonstrate that I harbor no disdain for literary journalism or just plain journalism, under whose sponsorship I have been able to express much that has fascinated me, or alarmed me, or amused me, or otherwise engaged my attention when I was not writing a book.
** &quot;A note to the reader&quot; - ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982)

* When, in the autumn of 1947, I was fired from the first and only job I have ever held, I wanted one thing out of life: to become a writer. I left my position as manuscript reader at the McGraw-Hill Book Company with no regrets; the job had been onerous and boring. It did not occur to me that there would be many difficulties to impede my ambition; in fact, the job itself had been an impediment. All I knew was that I burned to write a novel and I could not have cared less that my bank account was close to zero, with no replenishment in sight. At the age of twenty-two I had such pure hopes in my ability to write not just a respectable first novel, but a novel that would be completely out of the ordinary, that when I left the McGraw-Hill Building for the last time '''I felt the exultancy of a man just released from slavery and ready to set the universe on fire.'''
** &quot;Lie Down In Darkness&quot;, ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982)

* '''It could be all unwittingly that I wrote in ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' what amounted to a [[w:Rosetta Stone|Rosetta stone]] for my other work.'''
**  &quot;A Conversation with William Styron&quot;, ''Humanities'' (May/June 1997)

* My life and work have been far from free of blemish, and so I think it would be unpardonable for a biographer not to dish up the dirt.
**  &quot;A Conversation with William Styron&quot;, ''Humanities'' (May/June 1997)

===''[[w:Lie Down in Darkness (novel)|Lie Down in Darkness]]'' (1951)===
*RIDING DOWN TO Port Warwick from Richmond, the train begins to pick up speed on the outskirts of the city, past the tobacco factories with their ever-present haze of acrid, sweetish dust and past the rows of uniformly brown clapboard houses which stretch down the hilly streets for miles, it seems, the hundreds of rooftops all reflecting the pale light of dawn; past the suburban roads still sluggish and sleepy with early morning traffic, and rattling swiftly now over the bridge which separates the last two hills where in the valley below you can see the James River winding beneath its acid-green crust of scum out beside the chemical plants and more rows of clapboard houses and into the woods beyond.
**first (opening) sentence of the novel

=== ''[[w:The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967)|The Confessions of Nat Turner]]'' (1967) ===
[[File:Nat Turner captured.jpg|thumb|Surely [[mankind]] has yet to be [[born]]. ''Surely'' this is [[true]]!]]
:&lt;small&gt;A novel depicting [[Nat Turner]], in a fictionalized form extending from the records of ''[[s:The Confessions of Nat Turner|The Confessions of Nat Turner, The Leader of the Late Insurrections in Southampton, Va. As fully and voluntarily made to Thomas R. Gray]]'' (1831)&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Venus-pacific-levelled.jpg|thumb|[[Great]] [[God]], how early it is!]]

* [[Grieving]], yet somehow unbending, steadfast, unafraid, the [[voice]] rose through the evening like [[memory]], and a gust of [[wind]] blew up from the river, dimming the [[song]], rustling the [[trees]], then died and became still. ''I’ll lay in de grave and stretch out my arms'' … Suddenly the voice ceased, and all was quiet. &lt;br&gt; ''Then what I done was [[wrong]], Lord? I said. And if what I done was wrong, is there no [[redemption]]?''&lt;br&gt; I raised my [[eyes]] upward but there was no answer, only the gray impermeable [[sky]] and [[night]] falling fast over [[Jerusalem]].
** Part I : Judgment Day

* “'''Surely [[mankind]] has yet to be [[born]]. ''Surely'' this is [[true]]!''' For only something blind and uncomprehending could exist in such a mean conjunction with its own flesh, its own kind. How else account for such faltering, clumsy, hateful [[cruelty]]? Even the possums and the skunks know better! Even the weasels and the meadow mice have a natural regard for their own blood and kin. Only the [[insects]] are low enough to do the low things that [[people]] do — like those [[ants]] that swarm on poplars in the summertime, greedily husbanding little green aphids for the honeydew they secrete. Yes, it could be that mankind has yet to be born. Ah, what bitter tears [[God]] must weep at the sight of the things that men do to other men!” He broke off then and I saw him shake his head convulsively, his voice a sudden cry: “In the name of [[money]]! ''Money!'' ”
** Part II : Old Times Past : Voices, Dreams, Recollections

* '''I shivered in the [[knowledge]] of the futility of all [[ambition]].''' My mouth was sour with the yellow recollection of death and blood-smeared fields and walls. I watched the girl slip away, vanish without a hand laid upon her. Who knows but whether we were not doomed to lose. I know [[nothing]] any longer. Nothing. Did I really wish to vouchsafe a life for the one that I had taken?
** Part III : Study War

*  I raise my [[eyes]] upward. There alone amidst the blue, steadfast, unmoving, fiery marvel of brightness, shines the [[morning]] [[star]]. Never has that star seemed so radiant, and I stand gazing at it and do not move though the chill of the damp floor imprisons my feet in piercing icebound pain. &lt;br&gt; '''Surely I come quickly …'''
** Part IV : &quot;It Is Done…&quot;

* I would have done it all again. I would have destroyed them all. Yet I would have spared one. I would have spared her that showed me Him whose presence I had not fathomed or maybe never even known. '''[[Great]] [[God]], how early it is!''' Until now I had almost forgotten His [[name]]. &lt;br&gt; “Come!” the voice booms, but commanding me now: Come, My son! I turn in surrender.&lt;br&gt;Surely I come quickly. Amen.&lt;br&gt;Even so, come, Lord [[Jesus]].&lt;br&gt; Oh how bright and fair the morning star …
** Part IV : &quot;It Is Done…&quot;

=== ''[[w:Sophie's Choice (novel)|Sophie's Choice]]'' (1979) ===
[[File:Bundesarchiv B 285 Bild-04413, KZ Auschwitz, Einfahrt.jpg |thumb|''Someday I will [[understand]] [[Auschwitz]].'' This was a brave statement but [[innocently]] [[absurd]]. No one will ever understand Auschwitz.]]
:&lt;small&gt;See also [[Sophie's Choice (film)|'''''Sophie's Choice''''' (the 1982 film based on the novel)]]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Brooklin Bridge-Nueva York7093.JPG|thumb|This was not [[judgement day]] — only [[morning]]. Morning: excellent and fair.]]

* '''Her [[thought]] process dwindled, ceased. Then she felt her legs crumple.  &quot;I can't [[choose]]! I can't choose!&quot; '''
** Ch. 15

* ''Someday I will [[understand]] [[Auschwitz]].'' This was a brave statement but [[innocently]] [[absurd]]. '''No one will ever understand Auschwitz.'''
** Ch. 16

* The most profound statement yet made about Auschwitz was not a statement at all, but a response.&lt;br&gt;The query: “At Auschwitz, tell me, where was God?”&lt;br&gt;And the answer: “Where was man?”
** Ch. 16

* '''''Let your [[love]] flow out on [[all]] [[living]] things.'' These [[words]] at some level have the quality of a strapping homily. Nonetheless, they are remarkably [[beautiful]], strung together in their honest lump-like English syllables... ''Let your love flow out on all living things.'' &lt;br&gt; But there are a couple of problems with this precept of mine. The first is, of course, that it is not mine. It springs from the [[universe]] and is the property of [[God]], and the words have been intercepted — on the wing, so to speak — by such mediators as [[Laozi|Lao-tzu]], [[Jesus]], [[Gautama Buddha]] and thousands upon thousands of lesser [[prophets]], including your narrator, who heard the terrible [[truth]] of their drumming somewhere between Baltimore and Wilmington and set them down with the fury of a madman sculpting in [[stone]].'''
** Ch. 16; the italicized words being quotes of the song &quot;[[w:Let Your Love Flow |Let Your Love Flow]]&quot; by [[w:Larry E. Williams|Larry E. Williams]], as sung by [[w:The Bellamy Brothers|The Bellamy Brothers]]

* ''’Neath cold sand I dreamed of death / but woke at dawn to see / in glory, the bright, the morning star.''&lt;br&gt;'''This was not [[judgement day]] — only [[morning]]. Morning: excellent and fair.'''
** Last lines

=== ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982) ===

* Even today, many otherwise well-informed people have never heard the name [[w:Nat_Turner%27s_slave_rebellion#Nat_Turner's_background|Nat Turner]].
** Essay,'' 'This Quiet Dust' ''[originally published in ''Harper's'', April 1965] - at p.15. ''[Page numbers per the Vintage Classics paperback collection, 2000 edition.]''

* Neither the Protestant church nor Anglo-American law was equipped to cope with the staggering problem of the status of the Negro: forced to choose between regarding him as a moral human being and as property, they chose the definition of property. The result was the utter degradation of a people. It was an oppression unparalled in human history.&lt;br&gt;This is the problem we are faced with today: too many white Americans still deny the Negro his position as a moral human being.
** Essay,'' 'Slave and Citizen' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', Inaugural Issue, February 1963] - p.37. 

* Numberless factors shape one's needs and longings.
** Essay,'' 'A Voice from the South' ''[pub. ''The Sewanee Review'', Fall 1989] - p.56-57

* The ''Consumers Union Report on Smoking'' was an aid to my stopping a two-pack-a-day habit which commenced in early infancy. For myself, after two or three days of great flaccidity of spirit, an aimless oral yearning, aching moments of hunger at the pit of the stomach, and an awful intermittent urge to burst into tears, the problem resolved itself, and in less than a week all craving vanished. Curiously, for the first time in my life, I developed a racking cough, but this, too, disappeared. A sense of smugness, a kind of fatness of soul, is the reward for such a struggle.
** Essay,'' 'The Habit' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', December 26 1963] - p.66, 67

* The statistics are meagre, and so we have no way of knowing the number of non-Jews who were murdered in the gas chambers prior to this cut-off date [i.e. 4 April 1943]; not many, compared to the Jews, but certainly they numbered in the tens of thousands. Yet to escape the crematoriums was, of course, to gain only the most feeble hold on the possibility of survival. Statistics regarding the non-Jews who perished during the four years of the existence of Auschwitz as a result of starvation and disease are likewise inexact but somewhat more reliable. It would appear that out of the four million who died, perhaps three quarters of a million - or approximately a fifth of the total - fell into the category which the Nazis termed [[w:Aryan#Nazism_and_white_supremacy|Aryan]]. This was at Auschwitz alone.
** Essay,'' 'Hell Reconsidered' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', June 29 1978] - p.112

* [[w:Simon Wiesenthal|Simon Wiesenthal]], the head of the Jewish Center of Documentation in Vienna, expressed his feelings on the matter in a recent interview:&lt;br&gt;''' &quot;[...] I've battled for years with Jewish organisations, warning them that we shouldn't always talk about the six million Jews who died in the Holocaust. I say let's talk about ''eleven million'' civilians, among them six million Jews, who were killed. It's our Jewish fault that in the eyes of the world this whole problem became reduced to the problem between the Nazis and the Jews; the problem obviously was much broader.&quot; '''
** Essay,'' 'Hell Reconsidered' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', June 29 1978] - p.113

* Camus's great essay ''[[w:Reflections_on_the_Guillotine|&quot;Reflections on the Guillotine&quot;]]'' was alone almost enough - in its persuasive logic and eloquence - to make me an enemy of capital punishment.
** Introduction to three essays concerned with the fate of death row prisoner Benjamin Reid - p.121

* The Shabaka [Sundiata Waglini] story illuminates the most sordid defects of capital punishment. His blackness and poverty helped doom him. He was ruthlessly cheated; it was never his privilege to be granted - even for a phantom crime - the incarceration [i.e. instead of death row] that it meted out to others and that carries the possibility of redemption. 
** Essay,'' 'Death Row' ''[pub. ''New York Times'' Op-Ed Page, May 10 1987] - p.168

* To those of us who have suffered [[w:Major_depressive_disorder|severe depression]] - myself included - this general unawareness of how relentlessly the disease can generate an urge to self-destruction seems widespread; the problem badly needs illumination.&lt;br&gt;What is saddening about [[w:Primo_Levi#Death|Primo Levi's death]] is the suspicion that his way of dying was not inevitable and that with proper care he might have been rescued from the abyss. I find it difficult not to believe that if Mr Levi had been under capable hospital attention, sequestered from the unbearable daily world in a setting where he would have been safe from his self-destructive urge, and where time would have permitted the storm raging in his brain to calm itself and die away, he would be among us now. 
** Essay,'' 'Why [[w:Primo_Levi|Primo Levi]] need not have died' ''[pub. ''New York Times'' Op-Ed Page, December 19 1988] - p.170, 171

* For General of the Army [[w:Douglas_MacArthur|Douglas MacArthur]], military life may be symbolized by &quot;beacons flashing across uncharted depths . . . faint bugles sounding reveille,&quot; but for many if not most of his countrymen it is something else: it ''is'' reveille. It is training manuals and twenty-mile hikes, stupefying lectures on platoon tactics and terrain and the use of the [[w:Water_chlorination#History|Lister bag]], mountains of administrative paperwork, compulsive neatness and hideous barracks in Missouri and Texas, sexual deprivation, hot asphalt drill fields and deafening rifle ranges, daily tedium unparalleled in its ferocity, awful food, bad pay, ignorant people and a ritualistic demand for ass-kissing almost unique in the quality of its humiliation. The world that MacArthur thrills to makes most of his fellow Americans choke with horror.
** Essay,'' 'MacArthur' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', October 8 1964] - p.214

* I think it is absolute and unimpeachable testimony to a book's impact on us that we are able to associate it so keenly with the time and the surroundings and the circumstances in which we read it. Only a very great work can produce this memory; [...] There is what psychologists call a ''gestalt'', an unforgettability of interwoven emotions with which the work will ever in recollection be connected with the environment. Somehow the excitement of reading ''[[w:All_the_King%27s_Men|All the King's Men]]'' is always linked in my mind with the howling blizzard outside and the snow piling up in a solid white impacted mass outside my basement window. [...] I finished ''All the King's Men'' as in a trance, knowing once and for all that I, too, however falteringly and incompletely, must try to work such magic.
** Section,'' 'Robert Penn Warren' ''[part of a speech delivered at the Lotus Club, New York, April 1975] - p.269 

* When ''[[w:At_Play_in_the_Fields_of_the_Lord_(novel)|At Play in the Fields of the Lord]]'' was published in 1965 there was revealed in stunning outline the fully realized work of a novelist writing at white heat and at the peak of his powers; [...] [[w:Peter_Matthiessen|Peter]] is a poet and a scientist, and the mingling of these two personae has given us such carefully observed, unsentimental, yet lyrically echoing works as ''The Cloud Forest'', ''Under the Mountain Wall'', ''The Tree where Man was Born'' and ''[[w:The_Snow_Leopard|The Snow Leopard]]''. [...] We behold a writer of phenomenal scope and versatility.
** Section,'' 'Peter Mattheissen' ''[from the Introduction to ''Peter Mattheissen, A Bibliography: 1951-1979'', compiled by D. Nichols (Orirana Press, 1979)] - p.273, 274 

* William Blackburn [i.e. one of William Styron's teachers] cared about writing and had an almost holy concern for the langage.&lt;br&gt; Before too long my work got much better. I sweated like a coolie over my essays, themes and fledgling short stories until my splintered syntax and humpbacked prose achieved a measure of clarity and grace.&lt;br&gt;'''He informed me that one could not become a writer without a great deal of reading. To write one must read, he repeated, ''read'' . . .'''&lt;br&gt;He was unquestionably a glorious teacher. I deeply miss him. It helped immeasurably to have him tell me, at the age of twenty-one, that I could become a writer.  
** Section,'' 'William Blackburn' ''[From ''Duke Encounters''. Durham: Duke University Office of Publications, 1977] - p.275, 276, 277, 278

* I bought a bottle of old Grand-Dad bourbon; it was, I remember precisely, a full half pint, which was a prodigious amount of booze for a young man of twenty - at least, I know, for me. I got gloriously drunk on the Southern Railway local that rattled its way all night up through the Carolinas, gazing out at the bleak, moon-drenched wintry fields and happily pondered my deliverance. The chancellor, bless his soul, had really taken most of the curse off the bitter defeat I had initially felt there at the Biltmore. It really was better for me not to go to Oxford, I told myself, throwing in various Anglophilic injunctions: the food you wouldn't feed to a starving hound dog, the men were prancing homosexuals, the women all had foul breath, it was a moribund civilisation. &quot;Screw Oxford,&quot; I remember saying aloud, and &quot;Up yours, Cecil Rhodes!&quot; Next year, instead of shivering to death in some library carrel, instead of - &quot;Get this, old fellow!&quot; I heard myself cackling - instead of writing a paper on the hexameters of Arthur Hugh Clough, that old Victorian nanny, I would be in New York, beginning my first novel.
** Section,'' 'Almost a Rhodes Scholar' ''[part of a speech delivered to the South Atlantic Modern Language Association, Atlanta, Georgia, in December 1979, about an interview leading to a rejection in 1947.] - p.322 

* And as I began to discipline and harness myself, began for the first time to examine as coldly and as clinically as I could the tough problems which before this I had refused to face, I had a fine revelation. I realized that what had been lacking in my novelist's vision was really a sense of architecture - a symmetry, perhaps unobtrusive but always there, without which a novel sprawls, becoming a self-indulgent octopus. It was a matter of form, and up until now this was an issue that out of laziness or fear, perhaps both, I had tried to avoid.&lt;br&gt;I completed ''[[w:Lie_Down_in_Darkness_(novel)|Lie Down in Darkness]]'' on a spring evening in 1951 in a room on West Eighty-Eighth Street in Manhattan.
** Essay,'' 'Lie Down in Darkness'' ''[pub. ''Hartford Courant Magazine'', January 3 1982] - p.327, 328

=== ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' (1990) ===
:&lt;small&gt;''Darkness Visible : A Memoir of Madness'' (1990)&lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:At Eternity's Gate - Vincent Van Gogh.jpg|thumb|[[Depression]] is a disorder of [[mood]], so [[mysteriously]] [[painful]] and elusive in the way it becomes [[known]] to the [[self]] — to the mediating [[intellect]] — as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not [[experienced]] it in its extreme mode.]]
[[File:RGS 13.jpg|thumb|It is hopelessness even more than [[pain]] that crushes the [[soul]]. … One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes.]]
[[File:Dürer Melancholia I.jpg|thumb|In many of [[Albrecht Dürer]]’s engravings there are harrowing depictions of his own melancholia…]]
 
* '''In Paris on a chilling evening late in October of 1985 I first became fully aware that the struggle with the disorder in my [[mind]] — a struggle which had engaged me for several months — might have a fatal outcome.'''
** I, first lines

* Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the [[self]] — to the mediating intellect — as to verge close to being beyond description. '''It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode, although the gloom, “the blues” which people go through occasionally and associate with the general hassle of everyday existence are of such prevalence that they do give many individuals a hint of the illness in its catastrophic form.'''
** I

* '''When I was a young writer there had been a stage where [[Albert Camus|Camus]], almost more than any other contemporary literary figure, radically set the tone for my own view of life and history.''' I read his novel ''The Stranger'' somewhat later than I should have — I was in my early thirties — but after finishing it I received the stab of recognition that proceeds from reading the work of a writer who has wedded moral passion to a style of great beauty and whose unblinking vision is capable of frightening the soul to its marrow. The cosmic loneliness of Meursault, the hero of that novel, so haunted me that when I set out to write ''The Confessions of Nat Turner'' I was impelled to use Camus’s device of having the story flow from the point of view of a narrator isolated in his jail cell during the hours before his execution. For me there was a spiritual connection between Meursault’s frigid solitude and the plight of Nat Turner — his rebel predecessor in history by a hundred years — likewise condemned and abandoned by man and God. '''Camus’s essay “Reflections on the Guillotine” is a virtually unique document, freighted with terrible and fiery logic; it is difficult to conceive of the most vengeful supporter of the death penalty retaining the same attitude after exposure to scathing truths expressed with such ardor and precision.''' I know my thinking was forever altered by that work, not only turning me around completely, convincing me of the essential barbarism of capital punishment, but establishing substantial claims on my conscience in regard to matters of responsibility at large. '''Camus was a great cleanser of my intellect, ridding me of countless sluggish ideas, and through some of the most unsettling pessimism I had ever encountered causing me to be aroused anew by life’s enigmatic promise.'''
** II

* One of the century’s most famous intellectual pronouncements comes at the beginning of ''The Myth of Sisyphus'': “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.” Reading this for the first time I was puzzled and continued to be throughout much of the essay, since despite the work’s persuasive logic and eloquence there was a lot that eluded me, and I always came back to grapple vainly with the initial hypothesis, unable to deal with the premise that anyone should come close to wishing to kill himself in the first place. A later short novel, ''The Fall'', I admired with reservations; the guilt and self-condemnation of the lawyer-narrator, gloomily spinning out his monologue in an Amsterdam bar, seemed a touch clamorous and excessive, but at the time of my reading I was unable to perceive that the lawyer was behaving very much like a man in the throes of clinical depression. Such was my innocence of the very existence of this disease.
** II

* This general unawareness of what depression is really like was apparent most recently in the matter of [[Primo Levi]], the remarkable Italian writer and survivor of Auschwitz who, at the age of sixty-seven, hurled himself down a stairwell in Turin in 1987. Since my own involvement with the illness, I had been more than ordinarily interested in Levi’s death, and so, late in 1988, when I read an account in ''The New York Times'' about a symposium on the writer and his work held at New York University, I was fascinated but, finally, appalled. For, according to the article, many of the participants, worldly writers and scholars, seemed mystified by Levi’s suicide, mystified and disappointed. It was as if this man whom they had all so greatly admired, and who had endured so much at the hands of the Nazis — a man of exemplary resilience and courage — had by his suicide demonstrated a frailty, a crumbling of character they were loath to accept. In the face of a terrible absolute — self-destruction — their reaction was helplessness and (the reader could not avoid it) a touch of shame. &lt;br /&gt; My annoyance over all this was so intense that I was prompted to write a short piece for the op-ed page of the ''Times''. The argument I put forth was fairly straightforward: the pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain. Through the healing process of time — and through medical intervention or hospitalization in many cases — most people survive depression, which may be its only blessing; but to the tragic legion who are compelled to destroy themselves there should be no more reproof attached than to the victims of terminal cancer.
** III

* When I was first aware that I had been laid low by the disease, I felt a need, among other things, to register a strong protest against the word “depression.” Depression, most people know, used to be termed “melancholia,” a word which appears in English as early as the year 1303 and crops up more than once in [[Chaucer]], who in his usage seemed to be aware of its pathological nuances. “Melancholia” would still appear to be a far more apt and evocative word for the blacker forms of the disorder, but it was usurped by a noun with a bland tonality and lacking any magisterial presence, used indifferently to describe an economic decline or a rut in the ground, a true wimp of a word for such a major illness. It may be that the scientist generally held responsible for its currency in modern times, a Johns Hopkins Medical School faculty member justly venerated — the Swiss-born psychiatrist Adolf Meyer — had a tin ear for the finer rhythms of English and therefore was unaware of the semantic damage he had inflicted by offering “depression” as a descriptive noun for such a dreadful and raging disease. Nonetheless, for over seventy-five years the word has slithered innocuously through the language like a slug, leaving little trace of its intrinsic malevolence and preventing, by its very insipidity, a general awareness of the horrible intensity of the disease when out of control. &lt;br /&gt; As one who has suffered from the malady in extremis yet returned to tell the tale, I would lobby for a truly arresting designation. “Brainstorm,” for instance, has unfortunately been preempted to describe, somewhat jocularly, intellectual inspiration. But something along these lines is needed. Told that someone’s mood disorder has evolved into a storm — a veritable howling tempest in the brain, which is indeed what a clinical depression resembles like nothing else — even the uninformed layman might display sympathy rather than the standard reaction that “depression” evokes, something akin to “So what?” or “You’ll pull out of it” or “We all have bad days.” The phrase “nervous breakdown” seems to be on its way out, certainly deservedly so, owing to its insinuation of a vague spinelessness, but we still seem destined to be saddled with “depression” until a better, sturdier name is created.
** IV

* I had now reached that phase of the disorder where all sense of hope had vanished, along with the idea of a futurity; my [[brain]], in thrall to its outlaw hormones, had become less an organ of thought than an instrument registering, minute by minute, varying degrees of its own [[suffering]].
** V

* There is a region in the experience of pain where the certainty of alleviation often permits superhuman endurance. We learn to live with pain in varying degrees daily, or over longer periods of time, and we are more often than not mercifully free of it. When we endure severe discomfort of a physical nature our conditioning has taught us since childhood to make accommodations to the pain’s demands — o accept it, whether pluckily or whimpering and complaining, according to our personal degree of stoicism, but in any case to accept it. Except in intractable terminal pain, there is almost always some form of relief; we look forward to that alleviation, whether it be through sleep or Tylenol or self-hypnosis or a change of posture or, most often, through the body’s capacity for healing itself, and we embrace this eventual respite as the natural reward we receive for having been, temporarily, such good sports and doughty sufferers, such optimistic cheerleaders for life at heart. &lt;br /&gt; '''In depression this [[faith]] in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent.''' The [[pain]] is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come — not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. If there is mild relief, one knows that it is only temporary; more pain will follow.''' It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.''' So the decision-making of daily life involves not, as in normal affairs, shifting from one annoying situation to another less annoying — or from discomfort to relative comfort, or from boredom to activity — but moving from pain to pain. '''One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes.'''
** VI

* For in virtually any other serious sickness, a patient who felt similar devastation would be lying flat in bed, possibly sedated and hooked up to the tubes and wires of life-support systems, but at the very least in a posture of repose and in an isolated setting. His invalidism would be necessary, unquestioned and honorably attained. However, the sufferer from depression has no such option and therefore finds himself, like a walking casualty of war, thrust into the most intolerable social and family situations. There he must, despite the anguish devouring his brain, present a face approximating the one that is associated with ordinary events and companionship. He must try to utter small talk, and be responsive to questions, and knowingly nod and frown and, God help him, even smile. 
** VI

* In many of [[Albrecht Dürer]]’s engravings there are harrowing depictions of his own melancholia; the manic wheeling stars of [[Van Gogh]] are the precursors of the artist’s plunge into dementia and the extinction of self. It is a suffering that often tinges the music of [[Beethoven]], of [[Schumann]] and [[Mahler]], and permeates the darker cantatas of [[Bach]]. The vast metaphor which most faithfully represents this fathomless ordeal, however, is that of [[Dante]], and his all-too-familiar lines still arrest the imagination with their augury of the unknowable, the black struggle to come:
:::''Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita &lt;br /&gt; Mi ritrovai per una selva oscura, &lt;br /&gt; Ché la diritta via era smarrita.''
::: In the middle of the journey of our life &lt;br /&gt; I found myself in a dark wood, &lt;br /&gt; For I had lost the right path.
: One can be sure that these words have been more than once employed to conjure the ravages of melancholia, but their somber foreboding has often overshadowed the last lines of the best-known part of that poem, with their evocation of hope. To most of those who have experienced it, the horror of depression is so overwhelming as to be quite beyond expression, hence the frustrated sense of inadequacy found in the work of even the greatest artists. But in science and art the search will doubtless go on for a clear representation of its meaning, which sometimes, for those who have known it, is a simulacrum of all the evil of our world: of our everyday discord and chaos, our irrationality, warfare and crime, torture and violence, our impulse toward death and our flight from it held in the intolerable equipoise of history. If our lives had no other configuration but this, we should want, and perhaps deserve, to perish; if depression had no termination, then suicide would, indeed, be the only remedy. But '''one need not sound the false or inspirational note to stress the truth that depression is not the soul’s annihilation; men and women who have recovered from the disease — and they are countless — bear witness to what is probably its only saving grace: it is conquerable.'''
:* X

* '''For those who have dwelt in depression’s dark wood, and known its inexplicable agony, their return from the abyss is not unlike the ascent of the poet, trudging upward and upward out of hell’s black depths and at last emerging into what he saw as “the shining world.” There, whoever has been restored to [[health]] has almost always been restored to the capacity for [[serenity]] and [[joy]], and this may be indemnity enough for having endured the [[despair]] beyond despair.'''
:: ''E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle.'' &lt;br /&gt; And so we came forth, and once again beheld the [[stars]].
:* X

==Quotes about Styron==
*&quot;Confessions of Nat Turner,&quot; is a book I admire very much. But, you see, I read that book as the &quot;Confessions of Bill Styron&quot; and I'm not trying to put the book down when I say that. I respect the book very much. I respect him very much and I respect his attempt to grapple with something almost no one in his generation is prepared to even look at... The book meant something to me because it was a white Southern writer's attempt to deal with something that was tormenting him and frightening him. I respect him very much for that. Now, as to his execution, what is one to say about it? (“I'm still waiting for the white writer to write a novel about a lynching from the point of view of the lyncher.”) Yes, I quite agree with you. I said before that America's effort to avoid the presence of black people constricts American literature. It creates a trap white writers find themselves in.
**''Conversations with [[James Baldwin]]'' edited by Louis H. Pratt and Fred L. Standley (1989)

*(asked about ''The Confessions of Nat Turner'') Morrison: Well, here we have a very self-conscious character who says things like, &quot;I looked at my black hand.&quot; Or &quot;I woke up and I felt black.&quot; It is very much on Bill Styron's mind. He feels charged in Nat Turner's skin...in this place that feels exotic to him. So it reads exotically to us, that's all. (Interviewer: There was a tremendous outcry at that time from people who felt that Styron didn't have a right to write about Nat Turner.) Morrison: He has a right to write about whatever he wants. To suggest otherwise is outrageous. What they should have criticized, and some of them did, was Styron's suggestion that Nat Turner hated black people. In the book Turner expresses his revulsion over and over again he's so distant from blacks, so superior. So the fundamental question is why would anybody follow him? What kind of leader is this who has a fundamentally racist contempt that seems unreal to any black person reading it. Any white leader would have some interest and identification with the people he was asking to die. That was what these critics meant when they said Nat Turner speaks like a white man. That racial distance is strong and clear in that book.
**1992 interview collected in ''[[Toni Morrison]]: Conversations'' edited by Carolyn C. Denard (2008)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://edition.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/books/11/01/styron.obit.ap/ CNN Obituary]
*[http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/02/books/02styron.html?hp&amp;ex=1162443600&amp;en=f79ebb37c1d8486a&amp;ei=5094&amp;partner=homepage William Styron, Novelist, Dies at 81], ''The New York Times'' obituary.
*[http://wiredforbooks.org/williamstyron/ Audio Interviews with William Styron - RealAudio]
*[http://theparisreview.org/viewinterview.php/prmMID/5114 ''The Paris Review'' interview]
*[http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,12084,918606,00.html ''Tidewater traumas'' profile by James Campbell at ''The Guardian Unlimited'' website (March 22, 2003)].

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      <text bytes="40062" sha1="oqlodgssdjrthlmlxm7rk2sfdscv717" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Bill Styron in his West Chop writing room on Martha's Vineyard - August 1989.jpg|thumb|The [[good]] writing of any age has always been the product of ''someone's'' neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull [[literature]] if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.]]

'''[[w:William Styron|William Clark Styron, Jr.]]''' ([[11 June]] [[1925]] &amp;ndash; [[1 November]] [[2006]]) was an American novelist. He is most famous for two controversial novels: the Pulitzer Prize-winning ''[[w:The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967)|The Confessions of Nat Turner]]'' (1967), depicting the life of [[Nat Turner]], the leader of an 1831 Virginia slave revolt, and ''[[w:Sophie's Choice (novel)|Sophie's Choice]]'' (1979), which deals with the [[w:The Holocaust|Holocaust]].
: See also: [[Sophie's Choice (film)|'''''Sophie's Choice''''' (1982 film based on his novel)]]

== Quotes ==
[[File:LigUitLig.jpg|thumb|A [[great]] [[book]] should leave you with many [[experiences]], and slightly exhausted at the [[end]]. You live several [[lives]] while [[reading]] it.]]
[[File:Rosetta Stone.JPG|thumb|It could be all unwittingly that I wrote in ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' what amounted to a [[w:Rosetta Stone|Rosetta stone]] for my other work.]]

* '''[[Writers]] ever since writing began have had problems, and the main problem narrows down to just one [[word]] — [[life]]. Certainly this might be an age of so-called faithlessness and [[despair]] we live in, but the new writers haven’t cornered any market on faithlessness and despair, any more than [[Fyodor Dostoevsky|Dostoyevsky]] or [[Christopher Marlowe|Marlowe]] or [[Sophocles]] did.''' Every age has its terrible aches and [[pains]], its peculiar new horrors, and every writer since the [[beginning]] of [[time]], just like other people, has been afflicted by what that same friend of mine calls “the fleas of life”—you know, colds, hangovers, bills, sprained ankles, and little nuisances of one sort or another. They are the constants of life, at the core of life, along with nice little [[delights]] that come along every now and then.
** [http://theparisreview.org/viewinterview.php/prmMID/5114 ''The Paris Review'' (Spring 1954)] &lt;!-- This has been appeared in a paraphrased version: Every writer since the beginning of time, just like other people, has been afflicted by what a friend of mine calls &quot;the fleas of life&quot; — you know, colds, hangovers, bills, sprained ankles and little nuisances of one sort or another. --&gt;

* '''A [[great]] [[book]] should leave you with many [[experiences]], and slightly exhausted at the [[end]]. You live several lives while reading it.'''
** Interview in ''Writers at Work'', First Series (1958), edited by [[w:George Plimpton|George Plimpton]]

* '''The [[good]] writing of any age has always been the product of ''someone's'' neurosis, and we'd have a mighty dull [[literature]] if all the writers that came along were a bunch of happy chuckleheads.'''
** ''Writers at Work'' (1958)

* I discovered that I had, in the past two decades, written a far greater amount in the essay form than I remembered. Certainly I have written enough of it to demonstrate that I harbor no disdain for literary journalism or just plain journalism, under whose sponsorship I have been able to express much that has fascinated me, or alarmed me, or amused me, or otherwise engaged my attention when I was not writing a book.
** &quot;A note to the reader&quot; - ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982)

* When, in the autumn of 1947, I was fired from the first and only job I have ever held, I wanted one thing out of life: to become a writer. I left my position as manuscript reader at the McGraw-Hill Book Company with no regrets; the job had been onerous and boring. It did not occur to me that there would be many difficulties to impede my ambition; in fact, the job itself had been an impediment. All I knew was that I burned to write a novel and I could not have cared less that my bank account was close to zero, with no replenishment in sight. At the age of twenty-two I had such pure hopes in my ability to write not just a respectable first novel, but a novel that would be completely out of the ordinary, that when I left the McGraw-Hill Building for the last time '''I felt the exultancy of a man just released from slavery and ready to set the universe on fire.'''
** &quot;Lie Down In Darkness&quot;, ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982)

* '''It could be all unwittingly that I wrote in ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' what amounted to a [[w:Rosetta Stone|Rosetta stone]] for my other work.'''
**  &quot;A Conversation with William Styron&quot;, ''Humanities'' (May/June 1997)

* My life and work have been far from free of blemish, and so I think it would be unpardonable for a biographer not to dish up the dirt.
**  &quot;A Conversation with William Styron&quot;, ''Humanities'' (May/June 1997)

===''[[w:Lie Down in Darkness (novel)|Lie Down in Darkness]]'' (1951)===
*RIDING DOWN TO Port Warwick from Richmond, the train begins to pick up speed on the outskirts of the city, past the tobacco factories with their ever-present haze of acrid, sweetish dust and past the rows of uniformly brown clapboard houses which stretch down the hilly streets for miles, it seems, the hundreds of rooftops all reflecting the pale light of dawn; past the suburban roads still sluggish and sleepy with early morning traffic, and rattling swiftly now over the bridge which separates the last two hills where in the valley below you can see the James River winding beneath its acid-green crust of scum out beside the chemical plants and more rows of clapboard houses and into the woods beyond.
**first (opening) sentence of the novel

=== ''[[w:The Confessions of Nat Turner (1967)|The Confessions of Nat Turner]]'' (1967) ===
[[File:Nat Turner captured.jpg|thumb|Surely [[mankind]] has yet to be [[born]]. ''Surely'' this is [[true]]!]]
:&lt;small&gt;A novel depicting [[Nat Turner]], in a fictionalized form extending from the records of ''[[s:The Confessions of Nat Turner|The Confessions of Nat Turner, The Leader of the Late Insurrections in Southampton, Va. As fully and voluntarily made to Thomas R. Gray]]'' (1831)&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Venus-pacific-levelled.jpg|thumb|[[Great]] [[God]], how early it is!]]

* [[Grieving]], yet somehow unbending, steadfast, unafraid, the [[voice]] rose through the evening like [[memory]], and a gust of [[wind]] blew up from the river, dimming the [[song]], rustling the [[trees]], then died and became still. ''I’ll lay in de grave and stretch out my arms'' … Suddenly the voice ceased, and all was quiet. &lt;br&gt; ''Then what I done was [[wrong]], Lord? I said. And if what I done was wrong, is there no [[redemption]]?''&lt;br&gt; I raised my [[eyes]] upward but there was no answer, only the gray impermeable [[sky]] and [[night]] falling fast over [[Jerusalem]].
** Part I : Judgment Day

* “'''Surely [[mankind]] has yet to be [[born]]. ''Surely'' this is [[true]]!''' For only something blind and uncomprehending could exist in such a mean conjunction with its own flesh, its own kind. How else account for such faltering, clumsy, hateful [[cruelty]]? Even the possums and the skunks know better! Even the weasels and the meadow mice have a natural regard for their own blood and kin. Only the [[insects]] are low enough to do the low things that [[people]] do — like those [[ants]] that swarm on poplars in the summertime, greedily husbanding little green aphids for the honeydew they secrete. Yes, it could be that mankind has yet to be born. Ah, what bitter tears [[God]] must weep at the sight of the things that men do to other men!” He broke off then and I saw him shake his head convulsively, his voice a sudden cry: “In the name of [[money]]! ''Money!'' ”
** Part II : Old Times Past : Voices, Dreams, Recollections

* '''I shivered in the [[knowledge]] of the futility of all [[ambition]].''' My mouth was sour with the yellow recollection of death and blood-smeared fields and walls. I watched the girl slip away, vanish without a hand laid upon her. Who knows but whether we were not doomed to lose. I know [[nothing]] any longer. Nothing. Did I really wish to vouchsafe a life for the one that I had taken?
** Part III : Study War

*  I raise my [[eyes]] upward. There alone amidst the blue, steadfast, unmoving, fiery marvel of brightness, shines the [[morning]] [[star]]. Never has that star seemed so radiant, and I stand gazing at it and do not move though the chill of the damp floor imprisons my feet in piercing icebound pain. &lt;br&gt; '''Surely I come quickly …'''
** Part IV : &quot;It Is Done…&quot;

* I would have done it all again. I would have destroyed them all. Yet I would have spared one. I would have spared her that showed me Him whose presence I had not fathomed or maybe never even known. '''[[Great]] [[God]], how early it is!''' Until now I had almost forgotten His [[name]]. &lt;br&gt; “Come!” the voice booms, but commanding me now: Come, My son! I turn in surrender.&lt;br&gt;Surely I come quickly. Amen.&lt;br&gt;Even so, come, Lord [[Jesus]].&lt;br&gt; Oh how bright and fair the morning star …
** Part IV : &quot;It Is Done…&quot;

=== ''[[w:Sophie's Choice (novel)|Sophie's Choice]]'' (1979) ===
[[File:Bundesarchiv B 285 Bild-04413, KZ Auschwitz, Einfahrt.jpg |thumb|''Someday I will [[understand]] [[Auschwitz]].'' This was a brave statement but [[innocently]] [[absurd]]. No one will ever understand Auschwitz.]]
:&lt;small&gt;See also [[Sophie's Choice (film)|'''''Sophie's Choice''''' (the 1982 film based on the novel)]]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Brooklin Bridge-Nueva York7093.JPG|thumb|This was not [[judgement day]] — only [[morning]]. Morning: excellent and fair.]]

* '''Her [[thought]] process dwindled, ceased. Then she felt her legs crumple.  &quot;I can't [[choose]]! I can't choose!&quot; '''
** Ch. 15

* ''Someday I will [[understand]] [[Auschwitz]].'' This was a brave statement but [[innocently]] [[absurd]]. '''No one will ever understand Auschwitz.'''
** Ch. 16

* The most profound statement yet made about Auschwitz was not a statement at all, but a response.&lt;br&gt;The query: “At Auschwitz, tell me, where was God?”&lt;br&gt;And the answer: “Where was man?”
** Ch. 16

* '''''Let your [[love]] flow out on [[all]] [[living]] things.'' These [[words]] at some level have the quality of a strapping homily. Nonetheless, they are remarkably [[beautiful]], strung together in their honest lump-like English syllables... ''Let your love flow out on all living things.'' &lt;br&gt; But there are a couple of problems with this precept of mine. The first is, of course, that it is not mine. It springs from the [[universe]] and is the property of [[God]], and the words have been intercepted — on the wing, so to speak — by such mediators as [[Laozi|Lao-tzu]], [[Jesus]], [[Gautama Buddha]] and thousands upon thousands of lesser [[prophets]], including your narrator, who heard the terrible [[truth]] of their drumming somewhere between Baltimore and Wilmington and set them down with the fury of a madman sculpting in [[stone]].'''
** Ch. 16; the italicized words being quotes of the song &quot;[[w:Let Your Love Flow |Let Your Love Flow]]&quot; by [[w:Larry E. Williams|Larry E. Williams]], as sung by [[w:The Bellamy Brothers|The Bellamy Brothers]]

* ''’Neath cold sand I dreamed of death / but woke at dawn to see / in glory, the bright, the morning star.''&lt;br&gt;'''This was not [[judgement day]] — only [[morning]]. Morning: excellent and fair.'''
** Last lines

=== ''This Quiet Dust and Other Writings'' (1982) ===

* Even today, many otherwise well-informed people have never heard the name [[w:Nat_Turner%27s_slave_rebellion#Nat_Turner's_background|Nat Turner]].
** Essay,'' 'This Quiet Dust' ''[originally published in ''Harper's'', April 1965] - at p.15. ''[Page numbers per the Vintage Classics paperback collection, 2000 edition.]''

* Neither the Protestant church nor Anglo-American law was equipped to cope with the staggering problem of the status of the Negro: forced to choose between regarding him as a moral human being and as property, they chose the definition of property. The result was the utter degradation of a people. It was an oppression unparalled in human history.&lt;br&gt;This is the problem we are faced with today: too many white Americans still deny the Negro his position as a moral human being.
** Essay,'' 'Slave and Citizen' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', Inaugural Issue, February 1963] - p.37. 

* Numberless factors shape one's needs and longings.
** Essay,'' 'A Voice from the South' ''[pub. ''The Sewanee Review'', Fall 1989] - p.56-57

* The ''Consumers Union Report on Smoking'' was an aid to my stopping a two-pack-a-day habit which commenced in early infancy. For myself, after two or three days of great flaccidity of spirit, an aimless oral yearning, aching moments of hunger at the pit of the stomach, and an awful intermittent urge to burst into tears, the problem resolved itself, and in less than a week all craving vanished. Curiously, for the first time in my life, I developed a racking cough, but this, too, disappeared. A sense of smugness, a kind of fatness of soul, is the reward for such a struggle.
** Essay,'' 'The Habit' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', December 26 1963] - p.66, 67

* The statistics are meagre, and so we have no way of knowing the number of non-Jews who were murdered in the gas chambers prior to this cut-off date [i.e. 4 April 1943]; not many, compared to the Jews, but certainly they numbered in the tens of thousands. Yet to escape the crematoriums was, of course, to gain only the most feeble hold on the possibility of survival. Statistics regarding the non-Jews who perished during the four years of the existence of Auschwitz as a result of starvation and disease are likewise inexact but somewhat more reliable. It would appear that out of the four million who died, perhaps three quarters of a million - or approximately a fifth of the total - fell into the category which the Nazis termed [[w:Aryan#Nazism_and_white_supremacy|Aryan]]. This was at Auschwitz alone.
** Essay,'' 'Hell Reconsidered' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', June 29 1978] - p.112

* [[w:Simon Wiesenthal|Simon Wiesenthal]], the head of the Jewish Center of Documentation in Vienna, expressed his feelings on the matter in a recent interview:&lt;br&gt;''' &quot;[...] I've battled for years with Jewish organisations, warning them that we shouldn't always talk about the six million Jews who died in the Holocaust. I say let's talk about ''eleven million'' civilians, among them six million Jews, who were killed. It's our Jewish fault that in the eyes of the world this whole problem became reduced to the problem between the Nazis and the Jews; the problem obviously was much broader.&quot; '''
** Essay,'' 'Hell Reconsidered' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', June 29 1978] - p.113

* Camus's great essay ''[[w:Reflections_on_the_Guillotine|&quot;Reflections on the Guillotine&quot;]]'' was alone almost enough - in its persuasive logic and eloquence - to make me an enemy of capital punishment.
** Introduction to three essays concerned with the fate of death row prisoner Benjamin Reid - p.121

* The Shabaka [Sundiata Waglini] story illuminates the most sordid defects of capital punishment. His blackness and poverty helped doom him. He was ruthlessly cheated; it was never his privilege to be granted - even for a phantom crime - the incarceration [i.e. instead of death row] that it meted out to others and that carries the possibility of redemption. 
** Essay,'' 'Death Row' ''[pub. ''New York Times'' Op-Ed Page, May 10 1987] - p.168

* To those of us who have suffered [[w:Major_depressive_disorder|severe depression]] - myself included - this general unawareness of how relentlessly the disease can generate an urge to self-destruction seems widespread; the problem badly needs illumination.&lt;br&gt;What is saddening about [[w:Primo_Levi#Death|Primo Levi's death]] is the suspicion that his way of dying was not inevitable and that with proper care he might have been rescued from the abyss. I find it difficult not to believe that if Mr Levi had been under capable hospital attention, sequestered from the unbearable daily world in a setting where he would have been safe from his self-destructive urge, and where time would have permitted the storm raging in his brain to calm itself and die away, he would be among us now. 
** Essay,'' 'Why [[w:Primo_Levi|Primo Levi]] need not have died' ''[pub. ''New York Times'' Op-Ed Page, December 19 1988] - p.170, 171

* For General of the Army [[w:Douglas_MacArthur|Douglas MacArthur]], military life may be symbolized by &quot;beacons flashing across uncharted depths . . . faint bugles sounding reveille,&quot; but for many if not most of his countrymen it is something else: it ''is'' reveille. It is training manuals and twenty-mile hikes, stupefying lectures on platoon tactics and terrain and the use of the [[w:Water_chlorination#History|Lister bag]], mountains of administrative paperwork, compulsive neatness and hideous barracks in Missouri and Texas, sexual deprivation, hot asphalt drill fields and deafening rifle ranges, daily tedium unparalleled in its ferocity, awful food, bad pay, ignorant people and a ritualistic demand for ass-kissing almost unique in the quality of its humiliation. The world that MacArthur thrills to makes most of his fellow Americans choke with horror.
** Essay,'' 'MacArthur' ''[pub. ''New York Review of Books'', October 8 1964] - p.214

* I think it is absolute and unimpeachable testimony to a book's impact on us that we are able to associate it so keenly with the time and the surroundings and the circumstances in which we read it. Only a very great work can produce this memory; [...] There is what psychologists call a ''gestalt'', an unforgettability of interwoven emotions with which the work will ever in recollection be connected with the environment. Somehow the excitement of reading ''[[w:All_the_King%27s_Men|All the King's Men]]'' is always linked in my mind with the howling blizzard outside and the snow piling up in a solid white impacted mass outside my basement window. [...] I finished ''All the King's Men'' as in a trance, knowing once and for all that I, too, however falteringly and incompletely, must try to work such magic.
** Section,'' 'Robert Penn Warren' ''[part of a speech delivered at the Lotus Club, New York, April 1975] - p.269 

* When ''[[w:At_Play_in_the_Fields_of_the_Lord_(novel)|At Play in the Fields of the Lord]]'' was published in 1965 there was revealed in stunning outline the fully realized work of a novelist writing at white heat and at the peak of his powers; [...] [[w:Peter_Matthiessen|Peter]] is a poet and a scientist, and the mingling of these two personae has given us such carefully observed, unsentimental, yet lyrically echoing works as ''The Cloud Forest'', ''Under the Mountain Wall'', ''The Tree where Man was Born'' and ''[[w:The_Snow_Leopard|The Snow Leopard]]''. [...] We behold a writer of phenomenal scope and versatility.
** Section,'' 'Peter Mattheissen' ''[from the Introduction to ''Peter Mattheissen, A Bibliography: 1951-1979'', compiled by D. Nichols (Orirana Press, 1979)] - p.273, 274 

* William Blackburn [i.e. one of William Styron's teachers] cared about writing and had an almost holy concern for the langage.&lt;br&gt; Before too long my work got much better. I sweated like a coolie over my essays, themes and fledgling short stories until my splintered syntax and humpbacked prose achieved a measure of clarity and grace.&lt;br&gt;'''He informed me that one could not become a writer without a great deal of reading. To write one must read, he repeated, ''read'' . . .'''&lt;br&gt;He was unquestionably a glorious teacher. I deeply miss him. It helped immeasurably to have him tell me, at the age of twenty-one, that I could become a writer.  
** Section,'' 'William Blackburn' ''[From ''Duke Encounters''. Durham: Duke University Office of Publications, 1977] - p.275, 276, 277, 278

* I bought a bottle of old Grand-Dad bourbon; it was, I remember precisely, a full half pint, which was a prodigious amount of booze for a young man of twenty - at least, I know, for me. I got gloriously drunk on the Southern Railway local that rattled its way all night up through the Carolinas, gazing out at the bleak, moon-drenched wintry fields and happily pondered my deliverance. The chancellor, bless his soul, had really taken most of the curse off the bitter defeat I had initially felt there at the Biltmore. It really was better for me not to go to Oxford, I told myself, throwing in various Anglophilic injunctions: the food you wouldn't feed to a starving hound dog, the men were prancing homosexuals, the women all had foul breath, it was a moribund civilisation. &quot;Screw Oxford,&quot; I remember saying aloud, and &quot;Up yours, Cecil Rhodes!&quot; Next year, instead of shivering to death in some library carrel, instead of - &quot;Get this, old fellow!&quot; I heard myself cackling - instead of writing a paper on the hexameters of Arthur Hugh Clough, that old Victorian nanny, I would be in New York, beginning my first novel.
** Section,'' 'Almost a Rhodes Scholar' ''[part of a speech delivered to the South Atlantic Modern Language Association, Atlanta, Georgia, in December 1979, about an interview leading to a rejection in 1947.] - p.322 

* And as I began to discipline and harness myself, began for the first time to examine as coldly and as clinically as I could the tough problems which before this I had refused to face, I had a fine revelation. I realized that what had been lacking in my novelist's vision was really a sense of architecture - a symmetry, perhaps unobtrusive but always there, without which a novel sprawls, becoming a self-indulgent octopus. It was a matter of form, and up until now this was an issue that out of laziness or fear, perhaps both, I had tried to avoid.&lt;br&gt;I completed ''[[w:Lie_Down_in_Darkness_(novel)|Lie Down in Darkness]]'' on a spring evening in 1951 in a room on West Eighty-Eighth Street in Manhattan.
** Essay,'' 'Lie Down in Darkness'' ''[pub. ''Hartford Courant Magazine'', January 3 1982] - p.327, 328

=== ''[[w:Darkness Visible (memoir)|Darkness Visible]]'' (1990) ===
:&lt;small&gt;''Darkness Visible : A Memoir of Madness'' (1990)&lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:At Eternity's Gate - Vincent Van Gogh.jpg|thumb|[[Depression]] is a disorder of [[mood]], so [[mysteriously]] [[painful]] and elusive in the way it becomes [[known]] to the [[self]] — to the mediating [[intellect]] — as to verge close to being beyond description. It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not [[experienced]] it in its extreme mode.]]
[[File:RGS 13.jpg|thumb|It is hopelessness even more than [[pain]] that crushes the [[soul]]. … One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes.]]
[[File:Dürer Melancholia I.jpg|thumb|In many of [[Albrecht Dürer]]’s engravings there are harrowing depictions of his own melancholia…]]
 
* '''In Paris on a chilling evening late in October of 1985 I first became fully aware that the struggle with the disorder in my [[mind]] — a struggle which had engaged me for several months — might have a fatal outcome.'''
** I, first lines

* Depression is a disorder of mood, so mysteriously painful and elusive in the way it becomes known to the [[self]] — to the mediating intellect — as to verge close to being beyond description. '''It thus remains nearly incomprehensible to those who have not experienced it in its extreme mode, although the gloom, “the blues” which people go through occasionally and associate with the general hassle of everyday existence are of such prevalence that they do give many individuals a hint of the illness in its catastrophic form.'''
** I

* '''When I was a young writer there had been a stage where [[Albert Camus|Camus]], almost more than any other contemporary literary figure, radically set the tone for my own view of life and history.''' I read his novel ''The Stranger'' somewhat later than I should have — I was in my early thirties — but after finishing it I received the stab of recognition that proceeds from reading the work of a writer who has wedded moral passion to a style of great beauty and whose unblinking vision is capable of frightening the soul to its marrow. The cosmic loneliness of Meursault, the hero of that novel, so haunted me that when I set out to write ''The Confessions of Nat Turner'' I was impelled to use Camus’s device of having the story flow from the point of view of a narrator isolated in his jail cell during the hours before his execution. For me there was a spiritual connection between Meursault’s frigid solitude and the plight of Nat Turner — his rebel predecessor in history by a hundred years — likewise condemned and abandoned by man and God. '''Camus’s essay “Reflections on the Guillotine” is a virtually unique document, freighted with terrible and fiery logic; it is difficult to conceive of the most vengeful supporter of the death penalty retaining the same attitude after exposure to scathing truths expressed with such ardor and precision.''' I know my thinking was forever altered by that work, not only turning me around completely, convincing me of the essential barbarism of capital punishment, but establishing substantial claims on my conscience in regard to matters of responsibility at large. '''Camus was a great cleanser of my intellect, ridding me of countless sluggish ideas, and through some of the most unsettling pessimism I had ever encountered causing me to be aroused anew by life’s enigmatic promise.'''
** II

* One of the century’s most famous intellectual pronouncements comes at the beginning of ''The Myth of Sisyphus'': “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.” Reading this for the first time I was puzzled and continued to be throughout much of the essay, since despite the work’s persuasive logic and eloquence there was a lot that eluded me, and I always came back to grapple vainly with the initial hypothesis, unable to deal with the premise that anyone should come close to wishing to kill himself in the first place. A later short novel, ''The Fall'', I admired with reservations; the guilt and self-condemnation of the lawyer-narrator, gloomily spinning out his monologue in an Amsterdam bar, seemed a touch clamorous and excessive, but at the time of my reading I was unable to perceive that the lawyer was behaving very much like a man in the throes of clinical depression. Such was my innocence of the very existence of this disease.
** II

* This general unawareness of what depression is really like was apparent most recently in the matter of [[Primo Levi]], the remarkable Italian writer and survivor of Auschwitz who, at the age of sixty-seven, hurled himself down a stairwell in Turin in 1987. Since my own involvement with the illness, I had been more than ordinarily interested in Levi’s death, and so, late in 1988, when I read an account in ''The New York Times'' about a symposium on the writer and his work held at New York University, I was fascinated but, finally, appalled. For, according to the article, many of the participants, worldly writers and scholars, seemed mystified by Levi’s suicide, mystified and disappointed. It was as if this man whom they had all so greatly admired, and who had endured so much at the hands of the Nazis — a man of exemplary resilience and courage — had by his suicide demonstrated a frailty, a crumbling of character they were loath to accept. In the face of a terrible absolute — self-destruction — their reaction was helplessness and (the reader could not avoid it) a touch of shame. &lt;br /&gt; My annoyance over all this was so intense that I was prompted to write a short piece for the op-ed page of the ''Times''. The argument I put forth was fairly straightforward: the pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain. Through the healing process of time — and through medical intervention or hospitalization in many cases — most people survive depression, which may be its only blessing; but to the tragic legion who are compelled to destroy themselves there should be no more reproof attached than to the victims of terminal cancer.
** III

* When I was first aware that I had been laid low by the disease, I felt a need, among other things, to register a strong protest against the word “depression.” Depression, most people know, used to be termed “melancholia,” a word which appears in English as early as the year 1303 and crops up more than once in [[Chaucer]], who in his usage seemed to be aware of its pathological nuances. “Melancholia” would still appear to be a far more apt and evocative word for the blacker forms of the disorder, but it was usurped by a noun with a bland tonality and lacking any magisterial presence, used indifferently to describe an economic decline or a rut in the ground, a true wimp of a word for such a major illness. It may be that the scientist generally held responsible for its currency in modern times, a Johns Hopkins Medical School faculty member justly venerated — the Swiss-born psychiatrist Adolf Meyer — had a tin ear for the finer rhythms of English and therefore was unaware of the semantic damage he had inflicted by offering “depression” as a descriptive noun for such a dreadful and raging disease. Nonetheless, for over seventy-five years the word has slithered innocuously through the language like a slug, leaving little trace of its intrinsic malevolence and preventing, by its very insipidity, a general awareness of the horrible intensity of the disease when out of control. &lt;br /&gt; As one who has suffered from the malady in extremis yet returned to tell the tale, I would lobby for a truly arresting designation. “Brainstorm,” for instance, has unfortunately been preempted to describe, somewhat jocularly, intellectual inspiration. But something along these lines is needed. Told that someone’s mood disorder has evolved into a storm — a veritable howling tempest in the brain, which is indeed what a clinical depression resembles like nothing else — even the uninformed layman might display sympathy rather than the standard reaction that “depression” evokes, something akin to “So what?” or “You’ll pull out of it” or “We all have bad days.” The phrase “nervous breakdown” seems to be on its way out, certainly deservedly so, owing to its insinuation of a vague spinelessness, but we still seem destined to be saddled with “depression” until a better, sturdier name is created.
** IV

* I had now reached that phase of the disorder where all sense of hope had vanished, along with the idea of a futurity; my [[brain]], in thrall to its outlaw hormones, had become less an organ of thought than an instrument registering, minute by minute, varying degrees of its own [[suffering]].
** V

* There is a region in the experience of pain where the certainty of alleviation often permits superhuman endurance. We learn to live with pain in varying degrees daily, or over longer periods of time, and we are more often than not mercifully free of it. When we endure severe discomfort of a physical nature our conditioning has taught us since childhood to make accommodations to the pain’s demands — o accept it, whether pluckily or whimpering and complaining, according to our personal degree of stoicism, but in any case to accept it. Except in intractable terminal pain, there is almost always some form of relief; we look forward to that alleviation, whether it be through sleep or Tylenol or self-hypnosis or a change of posture or, most often, through the body’s capacity for healing itself, and we embrace this eventual respite as the natural reward we receive for having been, temporarily, such good sports and doughty sufferers, such optimistic cheerleaders for life at heart. &lt;br /&gt; '''In depression this [[faith]] in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent.''' The [[pain]] is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come — not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. If there is mild relief, one knows that it is only temporary; more pain will follow.''' It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.''' So the decision-making of daily life involves not, as in normal affairs, shifting from one annoying situation to another less annoying — or from discomfort to relative comfort, or from boredom to activity — but moving from pain to pain. '''One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes.'''
** VI

* For in virtually any other serious sickness, a patient who felt similar devastation would be lying flat in bed, possibly sedated and hooked up to the tubes and wires of life-support systems, but at the very least in a posture of repose and in an isolated setting. His invalidism would be necessary, unquestioned and honorably attained. However, the sufferer from depression has no such option and therefore finds himself, like a walking casualty of war, thrust into the most intolerable social and family situations. There he must, despite the anguish devouring his brain, present a face approximating the one that is associated with ordinary events and companionship. He must try to utter small talk, and be responsive to questions, and knowingly nod and frown and, God help him, even smile. 
** VI

* In many of [[Albrecht Dürer]]’s engravings there are harrowing depictions of his own melancholia; the manic wheeling stars of [[Van Gogh]] are the precursors of the artist’s plunge into dementia and the extinction of self. It is a suffering that often tinges the music of [[Beethoven]], of [[Schumann]] and [[Mahler]], and permeates the darker cantatas of [[Bach]]. The vast metaphor which most faithfully represents this fathomless ordeal, however, is that of [[Dante]], and his all-too-familiar lines still arrest the imagination with their augury of the unknowable, the black struggle to come:
:::''Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita &lt;br /&gt; Mi ritrovai per una selva oscura, &lt;br /&gt; Ché la diritta via era smarrita.''
::: In the middle of the journey of our life &lt;br /&gt; I found myself in a dark wood, &lt;br /&gt; For I had lost the right path.
: One can be sure that these words have been more than once employed to conjure the ravages of melancholia, but their somber foreboding has often overshadowed the last lines of the best-known part of that poem, with their evocation of hope. To most of those who have experienced it, the horror of depression is so overwhelming as to be quite beyond expression, hence the frustrated sense of inadequacy found in the work of even the greatest artists. But in science and art the search will doubtless go on for a clear representation of its meaning, which sometimes, for those who have known it, is a simulacrum of all the evil of our world: of our everyday discord and chaos, our irrationality, warfare and crime, torture and violence, our impulse toward death and our flight from it held in the intolerable equipoise of history. If our lives had no other configuration but this, we should want, and perhaps deserve, to perish; if depression had no termination, then suicide would, indeed, be the only remedy. But '''one need not sound the false or inspirational note to stress the truth that depression is not the soul’s annihilation; men and women who have recovered from the disease — and they are countless — bear witness to what is probably its only saving grace: it is conquerable.'''
:* X

* '''For those who have dwelt in depression’s dark wood, and known its inexplicable agony, their return from the abyss is not unlike the ascent of the poet, trudging upward and upward out of hell’s black depths and at last emerging into what he saw as “the shining world.” There, whoever has been restored to [[health]] has almost always been restored to the capacity for [[serenity]] and [[joy]], and this may be indemnity enough for having endured the [[despair]] beyond despair.'''
:: ''E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle.'' &lt;br /&gt; And so we came forth, and once again beheld the [[stars]].
:* X

==Quotes about Styron==
*&quot;Confessions of Nat Turner,&quot; is a book I admire very much. But, you see, I read that book as the &quot;Confessions of Bill Styron&quot; and I'm not trying to put the book down when I say that. I respect the book very much. I respect him very much and I respect his attempt to grapple with something almost no one in his generation is prepared to even look at... The book meant something to me because it was a white Southern writer's attempt to deal with something that was tormenting him and frightening him. I respect him very much for that. Now, as to his execution, what is one to say about it? (“I'm still waiting for the white writer to write a novel about a lynching from the point of view of the lyncher.”) Yes, I quite agree with you. I said before that America's effort to avoid the presence of black people constricts American literature. It creates a trap white writers find themselves in.
**''Conversations with [[James Baldwin]]'' edited by Louis H. Pratt and Fred L. Standley (1989)

*(asked about ''The Confessions of Nat Turner'') Morrison: Well, here we have a very self-conscious character who says things like, &quot;I looked at my black hand.&quot; Or &quot;I woke up and I felt black.&quot; It is very much on Bill Styron's mind. He feels charged in Nat Turner's skin...in this place that feels exotic to him. So it reads exotically to us, that's all. (Interviewer: There was a tremendous outcry at that time from people who felt that Styron didn't have a right to write about Nat Turner.) Morrison: He has a right to write about whatever he wants. To suggest otherwise is outrageous. What they should have criticized, and some of them did, was Styron's suggestion that Nat Turner hated black people. In the book Turner expresses his revulsion over and over again he's so distant from blacks, so superior. So the fundamental question is why would anybody follow him? What kind of leader is this who has a fundamentally racist contempt that seems unreal to any black person reading it. Any white leader would have some interest and identification with the people he was asking to die. That was what these critics meant when they said Nat Turner speaks like a white man. That racial distance is strong and clear in that book.
**1992 interview collected in ''[[Toni Morrison]]: Conversations'' edited by Carolyn C. Denard (2008)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://edition.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/books/11/01/styron.obit.ap/ CNN Obituary]
*[http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/02/books/02styron.html?hp&amp;ex=1162443600&amp;en=f79ebb37c1d8486a&amp;ei=5094&amp;partner=homepage William Styron, Novelist, Dies at 81], ''The New York Times'' obituary.
*[http://wiredforbooks.org/williamstyron/ Audio Interviews with William Styron - RealAudio]
*[http://theparisreview.org/viewinterview.php/prmMID/5114 ''The Paris Review'' interview]
*[http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,12084,918606,00.html ''Tidewater traumas'' profile by James Campbell at ''The Guardian Unlimited'' website (March 22, 2003)].

{{DEFAULTSORT:Styron, William}}
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[[Category:Essayists from the United States]]
[[Category:Pulitzer Prize winners]]
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[[Category:2006 deaths]]
[[Category:Duke University alumni]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Toy Story</title>
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      <text bytes="122403" sha1="2eoveefhzhqxywisyo45a60y1ubn6d6" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Toy Story logo 2010.png|right|thumb|220x220px|This isn't flying. This is falling… with style!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Toy Story|Toy Story]]''''' is a 1995 American [[w:Computer-generated imagery|CGI]] comedy film produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It was directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], and is the first feature length CGI film ever made, which it became Disney's biggest theatrical animated franchise. The sequels were released in 1999 with ''[[Toy Story 2]]'', 2010 with ''[[Toy Story 3]]'', and 2019 with ''[[Toy Story 4]]'', while ''[[w:Toy Story 5|Toy Story 5]]'' will be released on June 19, 2026.

Before ''[[Monsters, Inc.]]'', ''[[Finding Nemo]]'', ''[[The Incredibles]]'', ''[[Cars]]'', ''[[Ratatouille]]'', ''[[Inside Out (2015 film)|Inside Out]]'', ''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]'' and ''[[Turning Red]]'', a good-hearted talking cowboy doll named Sheriff Woody (voiced by [[w:Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks]]), who belonged to a young boy named Andy Davis (voiced by [[w:John Morris (voice actor)|John Morris]]) befriends with a new talking space astronaut action figure named Buzz Lightyear (voiced by [[w:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]), as they embark on adventure, where no toys had dared to go before.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]]''.
:''Music by [[w:Randy Newman|Randy Newman]]'' and includes &quot;[[w:You've Got a Friend in Me|You've Got a Friend in Me]]&quot;. Written and produced by Newman and [[w:Lyle Lovett|Lyle Lovett]].
{{center|'''Don't yank my string!'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Buzz Lightyear ==
[[File:WonderCon 2011 - Buzz Lightyear (5596535109).jpg|thumb|To infinity and beyond!]]
* There's a secret mission in uncharted space. Let's go.

* To infinity and beyond!

* Buzz Lightyear to the recsue!

== Sheriff Woody Pride ==
* Reach for the sky!

* Pull my string! The birthday party's today?

* You're my favorite deputy!

* There's a snake in my boots.

* Yee-Haw! Giddy-up partner! We gotta get this wagon train a-movin’!

* Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You know what to do.

* Howdy, my name is Woody.

* I'd like to join your posse boys, but first I’m gonna sing a little song.

* Somebody's poisoned the waterhole!

* This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.

* ''[while Sid is surrounded by his own toys, through voice box]'' From now on, you must take good care of your toys! Because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid. We toys can see... ''[his head spins itself]'' everything! ''[comes to life]'' So play nice.

== Mr. Potato Head ==
* Ages three and up. It's on my box &quot;Ages three and up.&quot; I'm not supposed to be baby-sitting Princess Drool.

* Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! ''[to Rex]'' Hey, I can dream, can't I?

* Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?

* That's Mr. Potato Head to you, you back-stabbin' murderer!

* Toss him overboard!

* Gee, I'd better shave.

== Slinky Dog ==
* I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second.

* Golly bob howdy!

== Rex ==
* Oh, ya big lizard!

* I don't like confrontations.

* Whiskers, will you get out of here! You're interfering with a search and rescue!

* He's at it again!

* Maybe Andy'll get another dinosaur, like a leaf eater. That way I could play the, uh, dominant predator!

== Hamm ==
* What's going on down there? Is his mom losing her marbles?

* Pardon me. I hate to break up the staff meeting, but they're here! Birthday guests at three o'clock!

* Pig pile!

== Sarge ==
* Yes, sir! ''[jumps down from the table and onto one of the drawers]'' All right, men. You heard him. Code Red! Repeat, we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move! Move, move, move, move!

== Sidney &quot;Sid&quot; Phillips ==
* It came! It finally came! &quot;The Big One.&quot;

== Hannah Phillips ==
* What's wrong, Sid? Don't you want to play with Sally?

== Others ==
* '''Shark''': Look, I'm Woody. Howdy, howdy, howdy.
* '''Pizza Planet Guard''': You are cleared to enter. Welcome to Pizza Planet.
* '''Grace Phillips''': What, dear? What was that?

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; The movie begins with Andy's bedroom, with boxes made to look like buildings which are placed in different areas. A kid, Andy Davis, holds a Mr. Potato Head toy in front of one of them]''
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': Alright, everyone! This is a stick-up! Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe!
:''[Andy shakes a piggy bank (Hamm) and a few coins fall out]''
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': ''[chuckles]'' Money, money, money!
:''[Andy makes Potato Head (One-Eyed Bart) &quot;kiss&quot; the coins]''
:'''Andy Davis (as Bo Peep)''': Stop it! Stop it, you mean old potato!
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': Quiet, Bo Peep! Or your sheep get run over! ''[The sheep are on a toy car track Andy has set up in his room]''
:'''Andy Davis (as Sheep)''': Help! Baa! Help us!
:'''Andy Davis (as Bo Peep)''': Oh, no, not my sheep! Somebody do something!
:''[Then Andy picks up a cowboy doll named Woody and pulls a pull string in its back]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Reach for the sky.
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': Oh, no! Sheriff Woody!
:'''Andy Davis (as Woody)''': I'm here to stop you, One-Eyed Bart!
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': ''[Andy pulls out his right eye]'' D'oh! How’d you know it was me?
:'''Andy Davis (as Woody)''': Are you gonna come quietly?
:'''Andy Davis (as One-Eyed Bart)''': You can't touch me, sheriff! I've brought my attack dog, ''[puts Slinky Dog in front of Mr. Potato Head (One-Eyed Bart)]'' with a built in forcefield!&quot;
:'''Andy Davis (as Woody)''': Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats forcefield dogs!
:''[He puts Rex down, making sound effects first as Rex then as Slinky whom he drags away]''
:'''Andy Davis (as Dinosaur)''': Arr rawr rawr! Yipe, yipe-yipe-yipe!
:'''Andy Davis (as Woody)''': ''[off-screen]'' You're going to jail, Bart. Say goodbye to the wife and tater tots.
:''[Andy places Mr. Potato Head in his sister, Molly’s crib; she laughs and picks up Mr. Potato Head, and drools on him. His ear and arm fall near Woody. Andy picks Woody off the floor]''
:'''Andy Davis''': You saved the day again, Woody.
:''[He pulls Woody's pull string]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' You're my favorite deputy.
:''[Randy Newman music playing a song {{w|You've Got a Friend in Me}}]''
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' You've got a friend in me / You've got a friend in me.
:'''Andy Davis''': Come on, let's wrangle up the cattle.
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' When the road looks rough ahead / And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed.
:'''Andy Davis''': Round 'em up, Cowboy.
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' You just remember what your old pal said / Boy, you've got a friend in me.
:'''Andy Davis''': Yee-haw!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Yeah, you've got a friend in me.
:'''Andy Davis''': Hey, cowboy.
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' You've got a friend in me / You've got a friend in me / You've got troubles, I've got 'em too / There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you / We stick together, we can see it through / 'Cause you've got a friend in me / Yeah, you've got a friend in me...| Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am / Bigger and stronger, too.
:'''Andy Davis''': Come on, Woody!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Maybe / But none of them will ever love you the way I do / It's me and you, boy...| And as the years go by.
:'''Andy Davis''': Whoa!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Our friendship will never die / You're gonna see it's our destiny / You've got a friend in me.
:''[He sets Woody on a recliner and pulls the handle to launch him]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Alright!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Yeah, you've got a friend in me.
:'''Andy Davis''': Score!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' You've got a friend in me...| ''[song fades]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Wow! Cool!
:''[Woody is laying on the chair]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Hanging up a birthday banner]'' What do you think?
:'''Andy Davis''': Oh, this looks great, Mom!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[laughs]'' Okay, birthday boy.
:'''Andy Davis''': We saw it at the store, I asked you for it! Wow, look at that! That's so- Oh, my gosh, you got-
:''[Andy is very excited about his special gift]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': I hope I have enough places. One, two- Four. Yeah, I think that's gonna be enough.
:'''Andy Davis''': Can we leave this up until we move?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Well, sure. We can leave it up.
:'''Andy Davis''': Yeah!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Now go get Molly. Your friends are gonna be here any minute.
:'''Andy Davis''': Okay. ''[grabs Woody]'' It's party time, Woody. Yee-haw!
:''[He sets off upstairs and Molly squealing]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Howdy, little lady.
:''[Molly squealing. Andy sets Woody on the bed and pulls his string one last time]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Somebody's poisoned the waterhole.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[picks her up out of her crib]'' Come on, Molly. Oh, you're getting heavy. See you later, Woody. ''[slams the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Woody''': Pull my string! The birthday party's today? Okay, everybody! Coast is clear.
:''[Woody watches as various other toys in the room come to life, including Mr. Potato Head]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[puts his hat and nose back in their respective places]'' Ages 3 and up. It's on my box. Ages 3 and up. I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool.
:''[The toys bustle about whilst they walk and talk. Hamm the Piggy bank is putting his coins back into his slot. Mr. Potato Head comes with his parts all mixed up]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
:'''Hamm''': I don't get it. ''[walks away]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You uncultured swine! What're you looking at, ya hockey puck?
:''[He walks off, leaving the hockey puck with arms and legs confused]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, Sarge, have you seen Slinky?
:'''Sarge''': Sir! No, sir!
:'''Woody''': Okay. Hey, thank you. At ease. ''[jumps down from the bed and looks around]'' Hey, uh, Slinky?
:''[Slinky, a dog with a slinky spring between his head and back appears, pushing a checker board from under the bed]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.
:'''Woody''': No. Slink...
:'''Slinky Dog''': Oh, well, all right. You can be red if you want.
:'''Woody''': N-Not now, Slink. I got some bad news.
:'''Slinky Dog''': Bad news?!
:'''Woody''': ''[holds Slinky's mouth shut]'' Shhh! ''[The toys stop and look at Woody, and Slinky]'' Just gather everyone up for a staff meeting and be happy.
:'''Slinky Dog''': Got it.
:'''Woody''': Be happy.
:'''Slinky Dog''': Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
:'''Woody''': Staff meeting, everybody! Snake, Robot, podium duty.
:''[Snake hides under the bed]''
:'''Robot''': Hey!
:''[He reaches under the bed and brings Snake out. An Etch-a-Sketch walks past Woody who stops in a Western battle way]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, Etch. Draw!
:''[They draw with Etch sketching a picture of a gun]''
:'''Woody''': Oh! Got me again. Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the West.
:'''Slinky Dog''': Got a staff meeting, you guys. Come on, let's go.
:''[The toys follow Slinky while Woody looks around]''
:'''Woody''': Now, where is that... Oh. Hey, who moved my doodle pad way over here?
:''[Then Rex jumps up and roars at Woody]''
:'''Rex''': Roaaaaar!
:'''Woody''': ''[unimpressed]'' How're you doin', Rex?
:'''Rex''': ''[stops roaring, calmly]'' Were ya scared? Tell me honestly.
:'''Woody''': I was close to being scared that time.
:'''Rex''': I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming across off as annoying.
:''[Woody is grabbed by a crook and pulled towards Bo Peep]''
:'''Woody''': ''[coughs]'' Ow! Oh, hi, Bo. Hi.
:'''Bo Peep''': ''[sweetly yet flirtatiously]'' I wanted to thank you, Woody, for saving my flock.
:'''Woody''': Oh, hey, it was, uh, nothing.
:'''Bo Peep''': What do you say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight?
:'''Woody''': ''[giggling sheepishly]'' Oh, yeah! ''[mutters]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away.
:''[She walks off, leaving Woody baffled]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Come on, come on. Smaller toys up front. ''[A bull dog egg toy lets four other egg toys out]'' Hey, Woody, come on.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody walks over to the podium (a Playskool Tinkertoy container) and stands. Mike, a speaker with a microphone attached, clears his throat to get Woody's attention and held out his microphone]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, thanks, Mike.
:''[He picks up the microphone. Feedback is heard]''
:'''Woody''': Okay, whoa. Step back.
:'''Hamm''': ''[Off-screen]'' For crying out loud.
:''[Mike steps back until the feedback fades away]''
:'''Woody''': Okay. Thank you. ''[blows into the microphone]'' Hello. Check. That better? Great. Everybody hear me? Up on the shelf, can you hear me? Great. Okay, first item today: uh, oh, yeah... has everyone picked a moving buddy?
:''[The other toys are surprised]''
:'''Toys''': What?
:'''Hamm''': Moving buddy? You can't be serious.
:'''Rex''': Well, I didn't know we were supposed to have one already.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[holding one of his arms]'' Do we have to hold hands?
:''[The other toys laugh]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, yeah. You guys think this is a big joke. We've only got one week left before the move. I don't want any toys left behind. A moving buddy. If you don't have one, get one! All right, next. Uh, oh, yes. Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting... was, I think, a big success, and we want to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you, Mr. Spell.
:'''Mr. Spell''': &lt;code&gt;You're welcome.&lt;/code&gt;
:'''Woody''': Okay. Uh, oh, yes. One, uh, minor note here. ''[reads quietly]'' Andy's birthday party has been moved to today. Uh, next we have...
:''[The other toys are shocked]''
:'''Rex''': What do you mean the party's today? His birthday's not 'til next week!
:'''Hamm''': What's goin' on down there? Is his mom losin' her marbles?
:'''Woody''': Well, obviously, she wanted to have the party before the move. ''[to the other toys]'' I'm not worried. You shouldn't be worried.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Of course Woody ain't worried. He's been Andy's favorite since kindergarten.
:'''Slinky Dog''': Hey, hey. Come on, Potato Head. If Woody says it's all right, then, well, darn it, it's good enough for me. Woody has never steered us wrong before.
:''[Mr. Potato Head looks at Mr. Spell, pointing at Slinky's butt then pulls out his mouth and tap his butt with it. Mr. Spell laughs]''
:'''Woody''': Come on, guys. Every Christmas and birthday we go through this.
:'''Rex''': But what if Andy gets another dinosaur, a mean one? I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection!
:'''Woody''': Hey, listen. No one's getting replaced. This is Andy we're talking about. It doesn't matter how much we're played with.
:''[Woody gestures Mike to move to him since the microphone's wire is stretched too far]''
:'''Woody''': What matters is that we're here for Andy when he needs us. That's what we're made for, right?
:'''Hamm''': Pardon me. I hate to break up the staff meeting, but... '''''THEY'RE HERE!!''''' '''BIRTHDAY GUESTS AT THREE O'CLOCK!!'''
:''[The other toys scream]''
:'''Woody''': Stay calm, everyone!
:''[The toys run to the window passing Woody in a panic]''
:'''Toys''': Hey!
:''[Mike even joins in the panic, taking the microphone out of Woody's hand]''
:'''Woody''': Uh, meeting adjourned.
:''[The other toys get to the window to see what's going on]''
:'''Hamm''': Ho, boy, will you take a look at all those presents?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I can't see a thing.
:''[He pick out his two eyes and lifts them above the toys to see Andy's friends bringing in presents]''
:'''Hamm''': Yes, sir. We're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
:'''Rex''': Any dinosaur shaped ones?
:'''Hamm''': Oh, for crying out loud. They're all in boxes, you idiot.
:'''Rex''': They're getting bigger!
:'''Slinky Dog''': Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
:'''Child''': Hi!
:''[The boy holding the present turns to the other kid, revealing his present to be really long and making the toys panic. All toys scream in the process]''
:'''Mr. Spell''': &lt;code&gt;Spell: trash can.&lt;/code&gt;
:'''Rex''': We're doomed!
:'''Woody''': All right! All right! If I send out the troops, will you all calm down?
:'''Rex''': Yes! Yes! We promise!
:'''Woody''': Okay! Save your batteries.
:'''Hamm''': Eh, very good, Woody. That's using the old noodle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody jumps onto the bed and looks at Sarge]''
:'''Woody''': Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You know what to do.
:'''Sarge''': Yes, sir! ''[jumps down from the table and onto one of the drawers]'' All right, men. You heard him. Code Red! Repeat, we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move! Move, move, move, move!
:''[The Green Army Men jump from the bucket and head out the door, carrying some rope and a baby monitor with them. Sarge looks over the landing with his binoculars to see Andy and his friends heading for the living room to begin opening presents and his mom heading to the kitchen]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Okay, come on, kids. Everyone in the living room. It's almost time for the presents.
:''[Sarge motions two parachuters to jump and open the parachutes to glide down to the floor. They look around the hall to make sure no one is around and signal for the rope to be lowered down and the rest of the Army Men slide down the rope to the floor. The toys move over to the lamp table where Woody is setting up the monitor]''
:'''Hamm''': All right, gangway, gangway.
:'''Woody''': ''[turns on the monitor]'' And this is how we find out what is in those presents.
:''[The Army Men walk across the hall when they hear a door closing, Jennifer coming as her footsteps are getting louder]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Okay, who's hungry? ''[Sarge and his men all freeze into their plastic army men positions]'' Here come the chips. I've got Cool Ranch and Barbecue! ''[comes out of the kitchen and steps on one of the Green Army Men crushing him with her foot]'' Ow! What in the world... Oh! I thought I told him to pick these up.
:''[Jennifer kicks them away with her foot and moves on to the living room]''
:'''Rex''': Shouldn't they be there by now? What's taking them so long?
:'''Woody''': Hey, these guys are professionals. They're the best. Come on! They're not lyin’ down on the job.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Army Men are lying on the floor. Sarge stands up and motions his soldiers to move to the plant pot for safety. Sarge hears some moaning and turns to see one of his soldiers is crushed from being stepped on and moving limply across the floor]''
:'''Wounded Soldier''': G-G-Go on without me! J-Just go!
:'''Sarge''': A good soldier never leaves a man behind.
:''[Sarge motions to his soldiers on the landing and they lower the baby monitor to the ground and they carry it to the flower pot. A ball rolls towards them so they move fast and climb into the pot just as the ball rolls by, followed by the boys and Jennifer]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Okay, everybody, come on. ''[The soldiers set the baby monitor up while a medic tends to the wounded solider and gives a thumb's up to Sarge who peers under the leaves and looks through his binoculars to see the presents]'' Everybody settle down. Now, kids. Everybody..... You sit in a circle. No, Andy. Andy, you sit in the middle there. Good. And..... Which present are you gonna open first?
:'''Child''': Mine!
:''[Sarge looks at the presents with his binoculars]''
:'''Sarge''': There they are.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Upstairs in Andy's room, the toys hear Sarge's voice on the baby monitor]''
:'''Sarge''': Come in, Mother Bird. This is Alpha Bravo.
:'''Woody''': This is it! This is it! Quiet, quiet!
:'''Sarge''': Come in, Mother Bird. All right, Andy's opening the first present now.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! ''[Rex and Hamm look at him, confused]'' Hey, I can dream, can't I?
:'''Sarge''': The bow's coming off. He's ripping the wrapping paper. It's a... It's... It's a... a lunch box. We've got a lunch box here.
:'''Woody''': A lunch box?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Lunch box?
:'''Slinky Dog''': For lunch. ''[laughs]''
:'''Sarge''': Okay, second present. It appears to be... Okay, it's bed sheets.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Who invited that kid?
:''[Sarge watches as Jennifer picks up the presents one by one until there's only one left]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Oh, only one left.
:'''Sarge''': Okay, we're on the last present now.
:'''Woody''': Last present!
:'''Sarge''': It's a big one. It's a.... It's a board game! Repeat, Battleship!
:'''Woody''': Whew!
:''[The toys cheer]''
:'''Hamm''': Hallelujah! Yeah! All right!
:''[Hamm accidentally bumps Mr. Potato Head, knocking some of his parts out]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hey, watch it!
:'''Hamm''': Sorry, old spud head.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sarge''': Mission accomplished. Well done, men. Pack it up. We're goin' home.
:''[The men start to turn off the baby monitor]''
:'''Woody''': So did I tell ya, huh? Nothing to worry about.
:'''Slinky Dog''': I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted ya for a second.
:''[Just then Sarge sees Jennifer pull out a surprise present from the closet]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Wait a minute. Oh! What do we have here? Oooh!
:'''Sarge''': Wait! Turn that thing back on! ''[The baby monitor turns back and Sarge's voice is heard on it]'' Come in, Mother Bird! Come in, Mother Bird! Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. Andy's opening it. He's really excited about this one.
:'''Andy Davis''': Mom, what is it?
:'''Sarge''': It's a huge package. ''[A boy gets in the way of Sarge's view]'' Oh, get outta the.... One of the kids is in the way. I can't see. ''[Mr. Potato Head puts his hand to his head and to his sides while Woody looks, anxiously]'' It's a...
:'''Kids''': Wow!
:''[Andy hold up his present over the plant. Upstairs, Rex is anxious to know what the present is]''
:'''Rex''': It's a what? What is it? ''[shakes the lamp table and the baby monitor falls to the floor as the batteries pop out]'' Oh, no!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
:'''Hamm''': Way to go, Rex! ''[Potato Head is putting the batteries in backwards]''
:'''Woody''': No, turn him around! Turn him around!
:'''Hamm''': He's putting him in backwa... Here, you're putting him in backwards!
:''[He tries to move the batteries forward]''
:'''Woody''': Plus is positive, minus is negative! Oh, let me!
:''[He jumps down and shoves Hamm aside to put the batteries back in. Downstairs, Andy and his friends rush down the hallway towards the stairs]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Let's go to my room, guys!
:'''Sarge''': Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
:''[Woody puts the batteries back into the baby monitor]''
:'''Woody''': ''[grunts]'' There!
:'''Sarge''': Juvenile intrusion! Repeat, resume your positions now!
:'''Woody''': Andy's coming, everybody! Back to your places! Hurry!
:''[The toys hurry into position]''
:'''Hamm''': Get to your places! Get to your places!
:''[Rex screaming]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
:'''Rex''': Out of my way! Here I come! Here I come!
:''[He bumps into the garbage pail with a teepee on it and falls over. As the boys run up the stairs, Lenny the binoculars walks to the shelves and Woody flops down on the bed just as Andy and his friends burst in]''
:'''Friend #1''': Hey, look, its lasers light up.
:'''Andy Davis''': Take that, Zurg!
:'''Friend #2''': Quick, make a space. This is where the spaceship lands.
:''[He pushes Woody from his spot and drops a cardboard box shaped like a spaceship on it. Woody slides off the other side of the bed]''
:'''Andy Davis''': And you press his back and he does a karate-chop action!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Come on down, guys! It's time for games! We've got prizes!
:'''Andy Davis''': Oh, yeah!
:''[They hurry out of the room and shut the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Rocky Gibraltar who has been slammed by the door, falls over. The closet door opens and the toys move towards the bed]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': What is it?
:'''Bo Peep''': Can you see it?
:'''Slinky Dog''': What the heck is up there?
:'''Rex''': Woody, who's up there with ya?
:''[Woody coughs as he crawls out from under the bed]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Woody, what are you doing under the bed?
:'''Woody''': Uh, nothing. Uh, nothing. I'm sure Andy was just a little excited, that's all. Too much cake and ice cream, I suppose. It's just a mistake.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Well, that mistake is sitting in your spot, Woody. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Rex''': ''[gasps]'' Have you been replaced?!
:'''Woody''': Hey, what did I tell you earlier? No one is getting replaced. Now, let's all be polite and give whatever it is up there a nice, big Andy's-room welcome.
:''[Woody climbs up to the top of the bed. Buzz Lightyear a purple and green, muscular white spaceman and space helmet, standing and looking tall. Buzz blinks and surveys his surroundings, Woody gulps and ducks trying to avoid being spotted. Buzz looks around, breathing the air in and out, and pressing the red oval button on his chest. A beeping sound is heard]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. Come in, Star Command. ''[presses the button]'' Star Command, come in! Do you read me? ''[Still no answer]'' Why don't they answer? ''[gasps at the sight of his torn up cardboard spaceship]'' My ship! ''[runs over to his cardboard spaceship and looks at one of its wings]'' Blast! This'll take weeks to repair. ''[opens up the compartment containing his wrist &quot;communicator&quot;]'' Buzz Lightyear mission log, stardate 4-0-7-2. My ship has run off course en route to sector 12. I've crash-landed on a strange planet. The impact must've awoken me from hyper-sleep. ''[jumps up and down on the bed]'' Terrain seems a bit unstable. ''[taps his &quot;communicator&quot;]'' No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
:''[Woody pops up in front of him]''
:'''Woody''': Hello! ''[Buzz karate yells; screams]'' Whoa! H-hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. ''[Buzz aim his &quot;laser&quot; at him]'' Sorry. Howdy, my name is Woody, and this is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix up. This is my spot, see, the bed here.
:''[Buzz spots Woody's Sheriff badge on his vest and turns off his laser]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Local law enforcement. It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
:'''Woody''': Yes, it is a mistake because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[not listening]'' I need to repair my turbo boosters. Do you people still use fossil fuel or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
:'''Woody''': Well, let's see. We've got double-A's.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[seeing something and gasps]'' Watch yourself! ''[pins Woody down and aims his &quot;laser&quot;]'' Halt! Who goes there?!
:'''Rex''': Don't shoot! It's okay. Friends.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Do you know these lifeforms?
:'''Woody''': Yes! ''[spits]'' They're Andy's toys.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': All right, everyone, you're clear to come up. ''[The toys climb onto the bed and Buzz walks over to them]'' I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
:'''Rex''': ''[shaking Buzz's hand]'' Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Why, thank you! Now, thank you all for your kind welcome.
:'''Rex''': Say, what's that button do?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I'll show you. ''[presses the button; voice-box]'' Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
:'''Toys''': Oh!
:'''Slinky Dog''': Hey, Woody's got something like that. His is a pull string. Only it's...
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Only it sounds like a car ran over it.
:''[Woody holds his pull string]''
:'''Hamm''': Oh, yeah, but not like this one. This is a quality sound system. Probably all copper wiring, huh? So, uh, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Well, no. Actually, I-I'm-- I'm stationed in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the Galaxy from the threat of invasion from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Oh, really? I'm from {{w|Playskool}}.
:'''Rex''': And I'm from {{w|Mattel}}. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leverage buyout.
:'''Woody''': You'd think they'd never seen a new toy before.
:'''Bo Peep''': Well, sure. Look at him. He's got more gadgets on him than a Swiss Army Knife.
:''[Slinky activates Buzz's laser]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Ah, ah, ah, ah! Please be careful. You don't want to be in the way when my laser goes off.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hey, a laser! How come you don't have a laser, Woody?
:'''Woody''': It's not a laser! It's a... It's a little lightbulb that blinks.
:'''Hamm''': What's with him?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Laser envy.
:'''Woody''': All right. That's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Toy?
:'''Woody''': T-O-Y. Toy!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Excuse me. I think the word you're searching for is &quot;Space Ranger.&quot;
:'''Woody''': The word I'm searching for; I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Gettin' kinda tense, aren't ya?
:'''Rex''': Uh, Mr. Lightyear, uh, now, I'm curious. What does a space ranger actually do?
:'''Woody''': He's not a Space Ranger! He doesn't fight evil or, or shoot lasers or fly!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Excuse me. ''[pushes button that reveals wings]''
:'''Toys''': Ooh!
:'''Hamm''': Oh, impressive wingspan! Very good!
:'''Woody''': Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I can fly.
:'''Woody''': No, you can't.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, I can.
:'''Woody''': You can't.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Can.
:'''Woody''': Can't. Can't. Can't!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
:'''Woody''': Okay, then, Mr. Light Beer, prove it.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': All right, then, I will. Stand back, everyone! ''[goes to edge of bed and closes eyes]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[jumps; &quot;flies&quot; around Andy's room using bouncy ball, race-car track, and motorized airplane, then lands on bed]'' Can!
:'''Rex''': Whoa! Oh, wow, you flew magnificently!
:'''Bo Peep''': I found my movin' buddy.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Thank you. Th-Thank you all. Thank you.
:'''Woody''': That wasn't flying! That was... falling with style.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Man, the dolls must really go for you. Can you teach me that?
:'''Slinky Dog''': ''[laughs]'' Golly bob howdy!
:'''Woody''': Oh, shut up! You know, in a couple of days, everything will be just the way it was. They'll see. They'll see. I'm still Andy's favorite toy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Randy Newman music playing a song {{w|Strange Things}}]''
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' I was on top of the world living high / It was right in my pocket.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[laughs]'' Whoa!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' I was livin' the life / Things were just the way they should be / When from out of the sky like a bomb comes some little punk in a rocket / Now all of a sudden some strange things are happening to me.
:'''Andy Davis''': Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' I had friends / I had lots of friends / Now all my friends are gone / And I'm doing the best I can to carry on...| I had power.
:'''Chorus''': Power.
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' I was respected.
:'''Chorus''': Respect.
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' But not any more / And I've lost the love to the one whom I adored...| Let me tell you about the strange things are happening to me / Strange things / Strange things are happening to me / Ain't no doubt about it...| You got someone you think you know well / It turns out a stranger / The minute you turn your back / You're in it all by yourself...| They laugh at your jokes / You think you're doing quite well / But you're in danger, boy / You end up alone, forgotten, way up on the shelf...| Strange things are happening to me / Strange things / Strange things are happening to me / Ain't no doubt about it...| Strange things are happening to me / Strange things / Strange things are happening to me...| Strange things / Strange things...| ''[song fades]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The next morning, Woody opens the lid and looks from side to side then opens it]''
:'''Woody''': ''[grunts]'' Finally! ''[sighs while feeling his head to find his hat missing]'' Hey, who's got my hat?
:'''Shark''': ''[pops up with Woody's hat on his head]'' Look, I'm Woody. Howdy, howdy, howdy.
:'''Woody''': ''[laughing sarcastically]'' Give me that!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Say there, Lizard and Stretchy Dog, let me show you something. It looks as though I've been accepted into your culture. Your chief, Andy inscribed his name on me.
:''[He lifts his boot to show Andy's name written on it]''
:'''Rex and Slinky Dog''': Wow!
:'''Rex''': With permanent ink too!
:''[Woody shakes in anger]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Well, I must get back to repairing my ship.
:''[Woody watches this and lifts his boot up to look at Andy's name on it when Bo comes up beside him]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Don't let it get to you, Woody.
:'''Woody''': Uh... let what? I don't, uh...... What do you mean? Who?
:'''Bo Peep''': I know Andy's excited about Buzz. But you know he'll always have a special place for you.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Yeah, like the attic. ''[chuckling]''
:'''Woody''': All right, that's it!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Hmm. Unidirectional bonding strip.
:'''Robot''': Mr. Lightyear wants more tape.
:''[Snake uses his mouth to get the end of the tape and pulls it. Buzz hums as he works underneath his ship on a skateboard when Woody pulls him out]''
:'''Woody''': Listen, Light Snack, you stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': What are you talking about? ''[to Robot]'' Where's that bonding strip?
:''[He rolls underneath his ship but Woody pulls him back again]''
:'''Woody''': And another thing, stop with this spaceman thing! It's getting on my nerves.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Are you saying you wanna lodge a complaint with Star Command?
:'''Woody''': Oh-ho, okay! Ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Don't even think about it, cowboy.
:'''Woody''': Oh, yeah, tough guy?
:''[He opens his helmet and Buzz starts gasping and choking as he crotches down and holds Woody's leg to support himself. When he stops, he sniffs the air and realizes something]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': The air isn't.... toxic. ''[to Woody]'' How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets! ''[puts his helmet back on]''
:'''Woody''': You actually think you're the Buzz Lightyear? ''[laughs]'' Oh, all this time I thought it was an act! Hey, guys, look! It's the real Buzz Lightyear!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': You're mocking me, aren't you?
:'''Woody''': Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Buzz, look, an alien!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Where?!
:''[Woody laughs and falls over, with Buzz not amused until they hear a dog barking and Andy's next-door neighbor, Sid Phillips, shouting]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[first words]'' Yes! ''[cackles]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Whoa!
:''[He ducks under the bed]''
:'''Woody''': Uh-oh.
:'''Slinky Dog''': It's Sid!
:'''Sid Phillips''': Don't move!
:''[The egg toys jump into each other in fright]''
:'''Rex''': I thought he was at summer camp.
:'''Hamm''': They must've kicked him out early this year.
:'''Rex''': Oh, no, not Sid!
:''[They climb up to the window]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Incoming! ''[throw stuff while the dog barks]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Who is it this time?
:'''Woody''': I... I can't... I can't tell. Hey, where's Lenny?
:'''Lenny''': Right here, Woody.
:'''Rex''': Oh, no, I can't bear to watch one of these again.
:''[Woody uses Lenny to see what toy Sid is trying to take out]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, no, it's a Combat Carl.
:''[Buzz joins them]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': What's going on?
:'''Woody''': Nothing that concerns you spacemen, just us toys.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I'd better take a look anyway. ''[uses Lenny to look at Combat Carl]'' Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?
:'''Woody''': That's why, Sid.
:''[Woody actually points Lenny at the dog]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Hmm, sure is a hairy fella.
:'''Woody''': ''[realizing his mistake of identifying Scud as Sid to Buzz]'' No, no, that's Scud, you idiot! ''[moves Lenny up to Sid so that Buzz can see him properly]'' That is Sid.
:''[Sid cackles evilly]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': You mean that happy child?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': That ain't no happy child.
:'''Rex''': He tortures toys, just for fun!
:''[Sid throws a block at the soldier]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Well, then, we've got to do something.
:''[He climbs onto the windowsill]''
:'''Bo Peep''': ''[gasps, putting her cane hook on Buzz's arm]'' What are you doing? Get down from there!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I'm gonna teach that boy a lesson.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, sure. You go ahead. Melt him with your scary laser.
:''[He presses Buzz's laser button and it starts beeping]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Be careful with that, it's extremely dangerous.
:''[Lenny saw Sid lighting a match and lighting the little dynamite strapped to Combat Carl]''
:'''Lenny''': He's lighting it! He's lighting it! HIT THE DIRT!!
:''[Bo Peep screams]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Look out!
:''[They all take cover as the dynamite explodes destroying the soldier. They soon are back on the windowsill. Scud barks]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Yes! He's gone! He's history! ''[laughs with triumph]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I could've stopped him.
:'''Woody''': Buzz, I would love to see you try. ''[gesturing to Sid's yard]'' Of course I'd love to see you as a crater.
:'''Bo Peep''': The sooner we move, the better.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A FOR SALE sign and a SOLD sign stands outside Andy's house. In his room, Andy is playing with Woody and Buzz]''
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' To infinity and beyond! ''[making flying and exploding noises]''
:''[Jennifer comes in and, beaming, finds that Andy is playing with Woody and Buzz instead of packing. While still playing, Andy takes a quick peek of his mother at the door before stopping and looking back up with his mouth agape, busted]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[smiling, cleverly, knowingly and seductively]'' Oh, all this packing makes me hungry. What would you say to dinner at, uh, oh, Pizza Planet?
:''[While Jennifer is talking, Andy turns around, goes back to his desk, and continues to play with the two toys on his desk until he hears the words &quot;Pizza Planet&quot;, smiles and turns his head to Jennifer]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Pizza Planet?! Oh, cool!
:''[He drops Woody and Buzz with Buzz landing right on top of Woody and runs to his mother before they both leave. The minute the door is closed by Jennifer, Woody and Buzz unfreeze with Woody pushing Buzz off him and brush himself when he heard them talking]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Go wash your hands and I'll get Molly ready.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Can I bring some toys?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' You can bring one toy.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Just one?!
:'''Woody''': One toy? ''[looks at Buzz and picked up a Magic 8 Ball]'' Will Andy pick me? ''[shakes the Magic 8 Ball and a message appears, saying &quot;Don't count on it&quot;]'' Don't count on it?! ''[groans in anger. Mr. Potato Head and Hamm who are playing a game of cards down below, hear Woody groaning in frustration. Woody yells. He throws the ball down and it rolls over the desk and falls behind it. The thud caught Woody's attention and he looks down to see the ball wedged at the bottom. He turns his attention to Buzz who is looking for some &quot;tools&quot; to fix his ship. Woody then sees RC asleep on top of some boxes and a funny grin comes to his face as he got an idea on how to get Andy's attention to him]'' Buzz!! Oh, Buzz, Buzz Lightyear!! Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness! We've got trouble!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Trouble? Where?
:'''Woody''': ''[pointing to the place where the ball fell]'' Down there. Just down there. A helpless toy...it's...it's trapped, Buzz!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Then we have no time to lose! ''[As Buzz runs to the spot, Woody tiptoed over to RC and grabs his remote whilst starting him up, opening his eyes in the progress]'' I don't see anything.
:'''Woody''': Oh, he's there. Just, just keep looking!
:''[He sends RC towards Buzz at full throttle]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': What kind of a toy...?
:''[Buzz sees RC coming, gasps and jumps out of the way just as RC hits the bulletin board. Mr. Potato Head gasps as the pushpins fall down and land around Buzz leaving him unharmed. Then the board falls on the globe and it rolls towards Buzz who runs from it. Woody watches in horror as Buzz runs from the globe but trips on some colored pencils and falls. He rolled over to the windowsill out of its way and the globe rolls past him and hit a table lamp which swung around. Woody ducked his head to avoid getting hit by the lamp but Buzz wasn't so lucky as it knocks him out the window. Buzz's {{w|Wilhelm scream|Wilhelm screams}} like a man in pain sound effect as he flies out]''
:'''Hamm, Mr. Potato Head and Slinky Dog''': BUZZ!
:''[Rex screams]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz!
:''[Buzz plummets down into some bushes beside the house]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slinky Dog''': I don't see him in the driveway! I think he bounced into Sid's yard.
:''[Woody step back unnoticed]''
:'''Rex''': Oh, Buzz! ''[RC revs his engine to talk to the toys]'' Hey, everyone! RC's trying to say something! What is it, boy?
:''[RC revs his engine]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He's saying that this was no accident.
:'''Toys''': Huh?
:'''Bo Peep''': What do you mean?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed...
:'''Slinky Dog''': No!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': By Woody! ''[points in Woody's direction]''
:'''Toys''': What?!
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute. You, you don't think I meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you Potato Head?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': That's Mr. Potato Head to you, you back-stabbing murderer!
:''[Bo Peep gasps]''
:'''Woody''': Now, it was an accident! Guys, come on now, you...you gotta believe me.
:'''Slinky Dog''': We believe you, Woody. ''[looking at Rex for support]'' Right, Rex?
:'''Rex''': Well, ye-- n-- I don't like confrontations!
:'''Sarge''': ''[pops out of the bucket]'' '''''WHERE'S YOUR HONOR, DIRTBAG?! &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!!&lt;/big&gt; YOU DON'T DESERVE TO -- HEY!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[Woody puts the lid on the bucket]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You couldn't handle Buzz cutting in on your playtime, could you, Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz just might be Andy's new favorite toy. So you got rid of him. Well, what if Andy starts playing with me more, Woody, huh? You're gonna knock me out of the window too?
:'''Hamm''': I don't think we should give him the chance.
:''[Then the lid opened and Sarge and his men jump out and jump onto Woody]''
:'''Sarge''': There he is, men! Frag him! ''[Soldiers yelling]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Let's string him up by his pull string!
:'''Hamm''': I've got dibs on his hat!
:'''Bo Peep''': Would you boys stop it?
:'''Hamm''': Tackle him!
:'''Woody''': No, no, no! W-W-Wait! I can explain everything.
:'''Andy Davis''': Okay, Mom, be right down. I've gotta get Buzz.
:'''Sarge''': Retreat!
:''[The toys hid just as Andy enters his room and looks for Buzz]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Mom, do you know where Buzz is?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': No, I haven't seen him.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Psst!
:''[Woody looks as Etch drew a hangman's noose while Mr. Potato Head pointed an accusing finger at him. Woody looks worried]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Andy, I'm heading out the door.
:'''Andy Davis''': But, Mom, I can't find him!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Well, honey, just grab some other toy. Now come on!
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[sighs]'' Okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In a deleted scene, inside Andy's room]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody! ''[Woody gasps; extends a handshake of sportsmanship]'' I'd just like to wish you luck. I-I-I know you’d do the same for me.
:'''Woody''': ''[in Black Friday Reel; first words]'' Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.
:''[Woody grabs Buzz's hand, then throws him suddenly out of the window]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Whoa!
:''[Buzz falls into the bushes from his point of view, fades to black, Woody lands in the bushes, and then cuts to Woody closing the blinders and turning around only to see the toys looking up in shock]''
:'''Woody''': What? What, what what? What? What are you- What's everyone looking at? What?! Hey, he slipped. I tried to- He- I couldn't hold on- It was an a- He slipped!
:''[The toys then rush up to the window and peek out of the window to try and find Buzz out of concern for him]''
:'''Rex''': I don't see him. I think he fell onto the street.
:'''Hamm''': Yeah, he's as good as roadkill.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He ain't going to pizza now.
:''[As they are talking, Woody is seen smugly walking back to his spot on the bed and lying down on it. Bo Peep turns around and notices this]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Woody! You deliberately threw Buzz out of the window!
:'''Woody''': ''[shrugs]'' Hey, it's a toy-eat-toy world.
:''[All toys gasp in horror]''
:'''Sarge''': Cowboy! Where is your honor, dirtbag?! You are an absolute disgrace! You don't deserve to wear a 10-gallon hat on your pint-sized head! ''[turns to the bucket of soldiers]'' Men, search and rescue! I want a Medevac team on the devil!
:'''Woody''': ''[suddenly grabs Sarge]'' At ease, sergeant. ''[then puts him back in the container]''
:'''Sarge''': Hustle up! Move it! Move it! Move it! Hey!
:''[Woody notices Mr. Potato Head climbing up onto the bed, alongside Hamm and Rex]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, spuds-for-brains! Heh, what do you think you're doing? Off the bed. ''[As they congregate, they glare at Woody, with Rex also, after some confusion, preparing to snarl at Woody]'' Hey! Off the bed!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You gonna make us, Woody?!
:'''Woody''': No, he is. Slinky! Slink. ''[looks around then sees Slinky is still on the floor]'' Slink- Slinky! Get up here and do your job! ''[Slinky comes up and hesitates]'' Are you deaf?! I said take care of them!
:'''Slinky Dog''': Uh, I'm sorry, Woody, but I, uh... I have to agree with them. I don’t think what you did was right.
:'''Woody''': ''[hysterically laughs]'' What?! Am I hearing correctly? You don't think I was right? Who said your job was to think, spring wiener?!
:'''Slinky Dog''': Well, I-I just thought-
:'''Woody''': Just use this vast reserve of brainpower to consider this for a moment! If it wasn't for me, Andy wouldn't pay any attention to you at all! In fact, my stretchy friend, you would've been hauled off to Goodwill a long time ago, so shut your mouth and get - them - off - the - bed! Do it. Now, Slink, or I'm throwing you off!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[rushes to Slinky's defense]'' You're gonna have to throw the two of us off!
:'''Hamm''': ''[rushes to Slinky's defense]'' Make that three.
:'''Rex''': ''[rushes to Slinky's defense]'' Count me in.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[pointing at Woody]'' No, Woody, you get your butt off the bed.
:'''Woody''': ''[bored laugh]'' Guys, I don't believe this. Heh! ''[beat]'' Are... Are you- Are you threatening me?!
:'''Hamm''': Yeah, get off the bed, ranch hand or we're throwing you off!
:'''Woody''': ''[carefully scowls at them]'' Ha! You and what army?
:''[The soldiers pop out of the barrel, and then the toys rush at Woody]''
:'''Sarge''': There he is, that dirtbag! Frag him! Move, move, move! Take no prisoners! Go for him! Go for the throat! Kill, kill, kill!
:''[Mr. Potato Head, Hamm, and Bo Peep grab Woody's arms, while Rex and the robot grab him by the legs. The toys then prepare to throw Woody off the bed]''
:'''Toys''': One! Two!
:''[Just before they reach &quot;three,&quot; a shout is heard and they turn to the window, with Slinky being near it]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Stop! Don't throw him off the bed!
:'''Woody''': Yeah!
:'''Slinky Dog''': ''[pulls up the blinds]'' Throw him out the window, like he did to Buzz!!
:''[The toys then move towards the window as Woody protests]''
:'''Toys''': Yeah!!
:'''Woody''': ''[in Black Friday Reel; last words]'' No! Wait! No! Come on! Hey, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Andy grabs Woody and walks off to the car following him unnoticed]''
:'''Andy Davis''': I couldn't find my Buzz. I know I left him right there.
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Honey, I'm sure he's around. You'll find him.
:''[Buzz peaks out of the bushes and saw Andy holding Woody in his hand as he went to the car. Angered by being knocked out the window, Buzz runs to the car and jumps on the back bumper just as it moves out of the driveway. A chain of red monkeys is being lowered down to find Buzz by Bo Peep's cane but it's short from the bushes]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': It's too short! We need more monkeys!
:'''Rex''': There aren't any more! That's the whole barrel. ''[drops the barrel and walks to the edge of the window to look out]'' Buzz! The monkeys aren't working! We're formulating another plan! Stay calm! Oh, where could he be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At the Dinoco gas station where Andy's car drives up to it and parks to a gas tank]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Can I pump the gas?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Sure! I'll even let you drive.
:'''Andy Davis''': Yeah?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Yeah, when you're 16.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[sarcastic]'' Yuk, yuk, yuk. Funny, mom.
:''[Woody unfreezes]''
:'''Woody''': ''[hearing the conversation but worried about what will happen if he returns without Buzz]'' Oh, great. How am I gonna convince those guys it was an accident? ''[Then, Buzz appears on the sunroof above Woody and he spot him]'' Buzz? ''[Buzz drops in the car landing on a seat next to Woody as Woody gets up]'' Buzz! You're alive! This is great! Oh, I'm saved! I'm saved! Andy'll find you here, he'll take us back to the room, and then you can tell everyone that this was all just a big mistake. ''[removes the fly from Buzz's helmet and wipes it while Buzz just glares at him]'' Huh, right? ''[pants, weakly]'' Buddy?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
:'''Woody''': Oh. Well, that's good.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[puts his head against Woody’s]'' But we're not '''''on''''' my planet. Are '''''we'''''?
:'''Woody''': No.
:''[Buzz tackles Woody and the two start fighting. They rolled underneath the car, fighting. Buzz kicks Woody to the tire]''
:'''Woody''': Okay. Come on! You want a piece of me? ''[Buzz punches Woody, making his face spin until he stops it. Woody lunges at Buzz, pinning him down, open his helmet and punches his face, making a squeaky noise with each punch. Buzz then closes his helmet on Woody's hand, making him cry out in pain]'' Owww!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[voice-box]'' Buzz-Buzz-Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
:''[Woody put his foot on Woody's back while pulling his arms back which makes Woody yell in pain.]''
:'''Woody''': Aah-ouch!
:''[Then they heard Andy and his mom coming to the car]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Next stop...
:'''Andy Davis''': Pizza Planet! Yeah!!!
:''[He gets in the car and it drives off, leaving Woody and Buzz behind]''
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps]'' Andy! ''[he and Buzz were left behind at a Dinoco gas station]'' Doesn't he realize that I'm not there? ''[gasps loudly and knees on ground, sobbing]'' I'm lost! I'm a lost toy!
:''[pause; as Woody sobs]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[to his &quot;intercom&quot;]'' Buzz Lightyear mission log. The local sheriff and I seem to be at a huge refueling station of some sort.
:'''Woody''': ''[growling]'' '''''YOU!'''''
:''[Woody angrily starts running to Buzz, but a Dinoco oil tanker truck's honking noise is heard and they look up. Buzz hides while Woody lays down. The truck stops, inches from Woody. He gets up and bumps into Buzz from behind.]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': According to my navi-computer, the...
:'''Woody''': ''[quietly]'' Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Sheriff, this is no time to panic! ''[closes his &quot;intercom&quot;]''
:'''Woody''': This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days, and it's all your fault!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
:'''Woody''': Oh, yeah?! Well, if '''''you''''' hadn't shown up in your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
:'''Woody''': ''WHAT?!'' What are you talking about?!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals his weapon's only weakness. And '''''you''''', my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
:'''Woody''': YOU... ARE... A... '''''TOY!!!''''' You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. ''[gives Woody the Vulcan salute]'' Farewell!
:'''Woody''': Oh yeah?! Well, good riddance, ya loony!
:''[A Pizza Planet truck pulls into the station. Woody sees it]''
:'''Pizza Delivery Guy''': Hey, gas dude!
:'''Gas Station Attendant''': You talking to me?
:''[Woody looks at the Pizza Planet logo on the side of the truck]''
:'''Woody''': Pizza Planet? ''[realizing it's a way to reunite with Andy]'' Andy!
:'''Pizza Delivery Guy''': Yeah, man, can you help me? Do you know where Cutting Boulevard is?
:'''Gas Station Attendant''': Just a moment...
:''[Woody is about to go to the truck but then realizes something]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, no. I can't show my face in that room without Buzz. Buzz! Buzz, come back!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Go away!
:'''Woody''': No, Buzz, you've gotta come back! I... ''[sees that the truck has a rocket on the roof which gives him an idea]'' I found a spaceship! ''[Buzz stops and turns around]'' It's a spaceship, Buzz!
:''[Buzz looks curious for a second]''
:'''Pizza Delivery Guy''': Come on, man, hurry up! Um, like, the pizzas are getting cold here!
:''[The camera goes down to Buzz, Woody looking at the truck]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Now, you're sure this space freighter will return to its port of origin once it jettisons its food supply?
:'''Woody''': Uh-huh. And when we get there, we'll be able to find a way to transport you home.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Well then, let's climb aboard. ''[runs towards the truck]''
:'''Woody''': No, no, no, wait, Buzz, Buzz, let's get in the back. No one will see us there.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit.
:'''Woody''': Yeah, but... Buzz! Buzz!
:'''Pizza Delivery Guy''': So that's two lefts, and then a right, huh?
:'''Gas Station Attendant''': Yeah.
:'''Pizza Delivery Guy''': Okay, thanks for the directions.
:''[Buzz climbs up to the door window and jumps behind the pizza boxes so the driver won't see him]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz!
:''[The truck starts up so Woody runs to the back of the truck. Woody saw Buzz strap his seat belt on]''
:'''Woody''': It's much safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay. What an idiot!
:''[The driver hits the accelerator and the truck speeds forward, throwing Woody off guard and he hits the back of the cargo hold. The truck swerves to the left and Woody hit the side of it. As the truck rolls up a hill, a big box rolls toward him. Woody yells as the box smacks into him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The truck soon arrives at Pizza Planet and stops. Buzz looks up to see a giant model of a rocket near the building and heard the P.A. speaking]''
:'''Pizza Planet Announcer''': Next shuttle lift-off scheduled for T-minus 30 minutes and counting.
:''[Buzz looks at the entrance to see two robotic guards near it]''
:'''Pizza Planet Guard''': You are clear to enter. Welcome to Pizza Planet.
:''[They move their spears aside and the doors open to let some customers inside]''
:'''Pizza Planet Announcer''': The white zone is for eating pizza only. The white zone is for...
:''[Buzz goes to the back to check on Woody]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Sheriff. Sheriff? ''[The trash falls down to reveal Woody all flattened]'' There you are. ''[Woody falls over on the trash]'' Now the entrance is heavily guarded. We need a way to get inside. ''[Woody gets up with a cup over his head, coughing]'' Great idea, Woody. I like your thinking.
:'''Pizza Planet Guard''': You are clear to enter. Welcome to Pizza Planet.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Okay, now! Quickly, Sheriff, the airlock is closing!
:''[They make it through just as the door closes]''
:'''Pizza Planet Announcer''': Jones, party of five: Your shuttle is now boarding at counter 12.
:'''Kids''': ''[as Buzz and Woody drops down]'' Hey, Mom! Can we have some tokens?
:''[Buzz bumps into Woody]''
:'''Woody''': Ow! Watch where you're going!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Sorry. ''[Woody and Buzz run between video games and took off their disguises. They look in awe at the arcade games around them with kids playing on them]'' What a spaceport! Good work, Woody!
:''[Woody looks around at the kids playing on arcade games until they heard Andy's voice from a game nearby]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Mom, can I play Black Hole? Please, please, please?
:'''Woody''': Andy!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': What's Black Hole?
:'''Andy Davis''': Oh, it's so cool...
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Now we need to find a ship that's headed for Sector 12.
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute! No, no, no! Buzz! This way! There's a special ship. I just saw it!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': You mean it has hyperdrive?
:'''Woody''': Hyperactive hyperdrive, and astro... uh, turf. ''[watches Andy and his family as they move closer to them; tracking Andy and family]'' Come on, come on, that's it...
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Where is it? I don't see the -- ''[then saw a claw game that looks like a rocket]'' Spaceship!
:'''Woody''': All right, Buzz, get ready, and... ''[Buzz runs off, unnoticed by Woody who has his eyes on Andy]'' Okay, Buzz, when I say &quot;go,&quot; we're gonna jump in the basket. ''[notices that Buzz is not beside him and saw him running towards the claw game]'' Buzz! ''[Buzz jumps through the prize door]'' Don't! No!
:''[Andy rounds the bend]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Hey, Mom, if I eat all of my pizza, can I have some alien slime?
:'''Woody''': This cannot be happening to me!
:''[He starts to walk but forced back to hide when a man walks by]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Buzz climbs up the prize chute and jumps into the middle and found himself face to face with squeaky toy aliens]''
:'''Alien #1''': The stranger!
:'''Alien #2''': From the outside!
:'''Aliens''': Oooooooh...
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Greetings! I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
:'''Aliens''': Tell us! What is it like outside?
:''[The aliens gathered around Buzz excitedly. Outside, Woody waited for some kids to run past then they run over to the claw game and went into the prize door and peeps over the partition wall]''
:'''Pizza Planet Announcer''': Before your space journey, re-energize yourself with a slice of pepperoni, now boarding at counter three.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': This is an intergalactic emergency! I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12! Who's in charge here?
:'''Aliens''': The claaaaaaaaaw! ''[They point to the claw above them]''
:'''Alien #1''': The claw is our master.
:'''Alien #2''': The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.
:'''Woody''': This is ludicrous.
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[Off-screen]'' Hey, bozo, you got a brain in there? Ha-ha, take that!
:''[The machine beeps three times, indicating that it's over, making Sid angry and hits it with a mallet then walks over to the claw game]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, no! Sid! ''[jumps on Buzz]'' Get down!
:''[Sid brings out his coins and put them in the machine]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': What's gotten into you, Sheriff? I was--
:'''Woody''': YOU are the one that decided to climb into this--
:'''Alien #4''': Shhhhhh! The claw. It moves.
:''[The claw lowers down and grabs an alien which is on top of Buzz]''
:'''Alien #3''': I have been chosen! Farewell, my friends! I go on to a better place.
:'''Sid Phillips''': Gotcha! ''[As he watched the alien drop, he saw Buzz amongst the other aliens]'' A Buzz Lightyear?! No way! ''[Woody spots a repair door and moves towards it and strains to open it. By the time he manages to open it, Sid lowers the claw towards Buzz and grabs him]'' Yes!
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps]'' Buzz! No!
:''[He grabs Buzz's feet and drags him to the repair door]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[banging his fist on the glass]'' Hey!
:''[Woody tries to get Buzz to the door but the aliens push him back into the claw machine]''
:'''Alien #4''': He has been chosen!
:'''Alien #5''': He must go!
:'''Woody''': Hey! What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it, you zealots!
:'''Aliens''': He must go! Do not fight the claw! Do not anger the claw! He has been chosen!
:''[Woody and Buzz get lifted up by the claw and it takes them to the prize door and drop them]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Alright! Double prizes! ''[takes them out of the prize section and look at his new prizes with evil delight]'' Let's go home and... play. ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Later that night, to Sid approaching his house on his skateboard, humming to some rock music. Buzz peep out to see Andy's house next-door]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Sheriff, I can see your dwelling from here! You're almost home.
:'''Alien''': Nirvana is coming! The mystic portal awaits!
:'''Woody''': Will you be quiet? You guys don't get it, do you? Once we go into Sid's house, we won't be coming out.
:''[Sid opens the door and Scud snaps and barks at his bag]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Whoa, Scud! Hey, boy. Sit! Good boy! [Scud sits down and growls] Hey, I got something for you, boy.
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps]'' Freeze!
:''[Woody, Buzz and the alien freeze as Sid grabs the alien and put him on Scud's head]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Ready, set, now! ''[Scud grabs the alien and starts to shake it back and forth in a blur. While growling at the same time Woody, and Buzz watch this with utter distraught and horror]'' Hannah! Hey, Hannah!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': What?
:'''Sid Phillips''': Did I get my package in the mail?
:'''Hannah Phillips''': I don't know.
:'''Sid Phillips''': What do you mean you don't know?
:'''Hannah Phillips''': I don't know.
:'''Sid Phillips''': Oh, no, Hannah!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': What?
:'''Sid Phillips''': Look! Janie!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Hey!
:'''Sid Phillips''': She's sick!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': No she's not!
:''[Sid runs upstairs]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': I'll have to perform one of my... operations!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': No! Don't touch her! NO!
:'''Woody''': Not Sid's room! Not there...
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Sid! Give her back! Sid! ''[as Sid slams the door on her]'' Sid!
:'''Sid Phillips''': Oh, no! We have a sick patient here, nurse! Prepare the OR, stat!
:'''Hannah Phillips''': ''[Off-screen]'' Sid, give her back! Give her back now! I'm telling!
:''[Sid puts Janie in a vise]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Patient is prepped. No one's ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before. ''[puts on a mask and pulls out a toy pterodactyl from a crate]'' Now for the tricky part. Pliers!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.
:''[Sid finishes doing his &quot;medical&quot; stuff]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[doing a nurse's voice]'' Doctor, you've done it! Hannah? ''[opens the door where Hannah is standing]'' Janie's all better now.
:'''Hannah Phillips''': ''[screaming]'' Mom! Mom!
:'''Sid Phillips''': She's lying! Whatever she says, it's not true!
:''[He goes out of the room shutting the door behind him]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody and Buzz look around the room which is filled with heavy metal posters, discarded toy remains and power tools which made them shudder]''
:'''Woody''': We are gonna die. I'm outta here! ''[jumps outta the bag and runs to the door. He tries to open the knob but it won't budge]'' Locked. ''[jump down to the floor and look around]'' There's gotta be another way out of here.
:''[We heard a rolling noise and turns to see a small yo-yo rolling and flop over. Woody pick up a pencil and look around for whoever's there. A shadow zoom past him and he freezes]''
:'''Woody''': Uh, Buzz? W-W-Was that you?
:''[We heard a noise coming from Sid's bed. Woody picks up a torch and switch it on to shine it on a baby doll's head under the bed]''
:'''Woody''': Hey! Hi, there, little fellah! Come out here. Do you know a way out of here? ''[The baby doll head moves out of the bed, revealing to have a spider-like body made from pieces of an erector set. Woody gasps. The baby head rises up taller, making Woody look horrified. He saw a fishing rod with legs, a jack-in-a-box with a monster paw glove inside, skateboard with a combat soldier's torso screwed to the front end (and others). A Jingle Joe uses his hand to turn off the torch, promoting Woody to jump onto Buzz and cling onto him in fear]'' B-B-B-BUUUZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!
:''[He watches as the mutant toys grab the Janie doll and the pterodactyl toy and moves them away]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': They're cannibals. ''[Woody and Buzz dive back into the bag and Buzz presses a button on his chest]'' Mayday! Mayday! Come in, Star Command! Send reinforcements! Star Command, do you copy? ''[adjusts his laser and points it out of the bag]'' I've set my laser from stun to kill.
:'''Woody''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, great, great! Yeah, and if anyone attacks us, we can blink 'em to death.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At Andy's house, the other toys are looking for Buzz with a torch when they heard a rustle in the bushes and shine the light on it]''
:'''Rex''': Hey, you guys! I think I've found him. Buzz! Is that you?! ''[Whiskers yowls]'' Whiskers! Will you get out of here?! You're interfering with the search and rescue. ''[We heard the Davis's car pull up to the house, and Rex turns off the torch to prevent them seeing the light; whispering]'' Look! They're home!
:''[The car pulls up and stops. Andy and his mom get out]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Mom, have you seen Woody?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Where was the last place you left him?
:'''Andy Davis''': Right here in the van.
:''[The toys listened to their conversation]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': I'm sure he's there. You're just not looking hard enough.
:'''Andy Davis''': He's not here, Mom. Woody's gone.
:'''Bo Peep''': ''[gasps]'' Woody's gone?
:'''Hamm''': Yeah, boy, the weasel ran away.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Huh? Huh? I told you he was guilty.
:'''Rex''': Who would've thought he was capable of such atrocities?
:'''Bo Peep''': Oh, Slink, I hope he's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sid Phillips''': Oh, a survivor. Where's the rebel base? Talk! ''[slaps Woody to the ground and walks over to the window]'' I can see your will is strong. ''[opens the blinds blocking the sun]'' Well, we have ways of making you talk. ''[took out a magnifying glass and uses it to aim the sunlight on Woody's forehead, making it smolder; as Interrogator]'' Where are your rebel friends NOW? ''[sinister chuckle]''
:'''Grace Phillips''': Sid, your Pop Tarts are ready.
:'''Sid Phillips''': Alright!
:''[He runs out of the room and drops the magnifying glass in the process. Woody unfreezes and feels the burning on his forehead. Woody screams. He runs to a bowl of half-eaten cereal in colors (with milk) on the floor, and dunks his head in. Buzz runs over to Woody, pausing to remove two suction cup darts from his person before pulling Woody out of the bowl. Two colorful Froot-Loops stick to each of Woody's eyes like glasses]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Are you all right? I'm proud of you, Sheriff. A lesser man would've talked under such torture.
:''[Woody picks up a spoon and looks at the smolder in his reflection]''
:'''Woody''': I sure hope this isn't permanent.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[checking his wrist communicator]'' Still no word from Star Command. We're not that far from the spaceport.
:''[Woody sees the door in the reflection of the spoon. It was open]''
:'''Woody''': The door! It's open! We're free!!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody, we don't know what's out there!
:'''Woody''': I'll tell you wha... ''[screams; The mutant toys block the way and Woody ducks behind Buzz]'' They're gonna eat us, Buzz!! Do something! Quick!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Shield your eyes! ''[fires his laser at Babyface but it just flickers on his forehead which surprises and shocks Buzz, when the mutant toys are blocking the way]'' It's not working! I recharged it before I left. It should be good for hours--
:'''Woody''': Oh, you idiot! You're a toy! Use your karate chop action! ''[presses a button on Buzz's back which makes his right arm move up and down as they advance around the mutant toys toward the door; to mutants]'' Get away! Hoo-cha! Hoo-cha!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Hey! Hey!! How are you doing that? Stop that!
:'''Woody''': Back! Back, you savages! Back!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody, stop it!
:'''Woody''': Sorry guys, but dinner's canceled! ''[drops Buzz and ran out into the hallway upstairs]'' There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home...
:''[He ran down the stairs but then stopped when he saw Scud sleeping on them. He crept back up the stairs slowly as he could. Buzz's hand grabs him over his mouth and pulls him back behind the wall Woody muffled gasp]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Another stunt like that, cowboy, you're going to get us killed.
:'''Woody''': Don't tell me what to do!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Shhh!
:''[Buzz checks that Scud is still asleep then darts across the stairwell opening to the other end of the hallway. He motions for Woody to follow. Woody cowardly crawls across the open area behind him to Buzz. As Woody stands up, his pull string gets caught on the curls of the iron railing. The toys start to creep down the hallway, unaware that Woody's pull string has caught on the railing. Then Woody's pull string comes loose and his voice box starts up]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Yeeeehaaaw!! Giddy-up partner!... We got to get this wagon train a moving!
:''[The noise from the voice box wakes Scud up and he follows it up the steps. Woody and Buzz look worried]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Split up!
:''[Buzz dives into a room while Woody jumps into a closet just as Scud reaches the top of the stairs. He heard the door slam and went over to sniff anything suspicious. Buzz skid to hide behind the door. Sensing his movement, Scud walks towards the door as Buzz stood back. Then as Scud moves curiously closer to Buzz, they heard snoring and look up to see Sid's father fast asleep on a La-Z-Boy recliner in front of the TV. Scud then backs out and head down the stairs]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Buzz was about to exit the room when he heard a sudden voice]''
:'''Mission Control''': Calling Buzz Lightyear. Come in Buzz Lightyear. This is Star Command. Buzz Lightyear, do you read me?
:''[Buzz turn to see a commercial on TV to which his logo appears]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Star Command!
:''[He opens his wrist communicator and is about to reply when a child's voice interrupts him]''
:'''Boy Voice''': Buzz Lightyear responding! Read you loud and clear!
:''[Buzz looks towards the TV and saw it shows two boys holding a Buzz Lightyear toy in a cardboard spaceship like his own]''
:'''Mission Control''': Buzz Lightyear, planet Earth needs your help!
:'''Boy Voice''': On the way!
:'''Commercial Chorus''': Buzz Lightyear!
:''[Buzz stares in disbelief as he watches the commercial]''
:'''TV Announcer''': The world's greatest superhero! Now the world's greatest toy! Buzz has it all! Locking wrist communicator!
:'''Boy Voice''': Calling Buzz Lightyear!
:'''TV Announcer''': Karate chop action!
:'''Boy Voice''': Wow!
:''[With every feature demonstrated on the TV, Buzz compares the same feature on himself]''
:'''TV Announcer''': Pulsating laserlight!
:'''Boy Voice''': Total annihilation!
:'''TV Announcer''': Multi-phrase voice simulator!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[On TV; voice-box]'' There's a secret mission in uncharted space.
:''[Buzz presses the same button on his chest and it makes the same phrase the TV Buzz made]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[voice-box]'' There's a secret mission in uncharted space.
:'''TV Announcer''': And best of all, ''[big &quot;monster truck&quot; voice]'' '''HIGH-PRESSURE-''SPACE-WINGS!!'''''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[On TV]'' To infinity and beyond!
:'''Monotone Announcer''': ''[The words NOT A FLYING TOY appear at the bottom of the screen]'' Not a flying toy.
:''[Buzz slowly shakes his head in wide-eyed disbelief]''
:'''TV Announcer''': Get your Buzz Lightyear action figure and save a galaxy near you!
:'''Commercial Chorus''': Buzz Lightyear!
:''[The image on the screen changes to a shot of hundreds of Buzzes in their boxes lining either side of a store aisle]''
:'''Local Announcer''': Available at all Al's Toy Barn outlets in the Tri-County area.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bowling Announcer''': ''[after the commercials ends]'' And welcome back to the Point Richmond Bowling Championship.
:''[Randy Newman music playing a song {{w|I Will Go Sailing No More}}]''
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Out among the stars I sail / Way beyond the moon / In my silver ship I sail / A dream that ended too soon / Now I know exactly who I am / And what I'm here for.
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-over]'' You are a toy! You can't fly!
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' And I will go sailing no more...| All the things I thought I'd be, / All the brave things I'd done / Vanished like a snowflake / With the rising of the sun / Never more to sail my ship, / Where no man has gone before...| And I will go sailing no more...| But no, it can't be true, / I could fly if I wanted to / Like a bird in the sky, / I believe I can fly, / Why, I'd fly!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': To infinity and beyond!
:''[He jumps off the railing and halfway towards the window and he began to fall down towards the stairs and bounce off them and landed on the floor. He sees that his arm has been come off from the impact and was lying next to him. He drops his head back in defeat, finally accepting that he's a toy]''
:'''Randy Newman''': ''[singing]'' Clearly, I will go sailing, no more...| ''[song fades]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Mom? Mom, have you seen my Sally doll?
:''[She steps on Buzz's wing and looks down to see him]''
:'''Grace Phillips''': What, dear? What was that?
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Never mind!
:''[She looks at Buzz with a smile on her face]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Back upstairs, the doorknob to the closet jiggles. The door opens and Woody fell off the shelves and onto the floor. A bowling ball hit Woody on the head and rolls away]''
:'''Woody''': ''[a bit woozy from the ball hit him]'' Buzz, the coast is clear. ''[shakes his head to get the wooziness off and look around for Buzz]'' Buzz, where are you?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[voice-box]'' There's a secret mission in uncharted space. Let's go.
:''[Woody creep up to the room with the Christmas lights around them]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Really? That is so interesting. ''[Woody peep into the room and see Hannah playing a tea party with Buzz and her dolls who are headless]'' Would you like some tea, Mrs. Nesbit?
:'''Woody''': ''[gasps; under his breath]'' Buzz?
:'''Hannah Phillips''': It's so nice you could join us on such late notice.
:''[Hannah has placed a tiny teapot in Buzz's severed arm and pours imaginary tea with it to which Woody noticed]''
:'''Woody''': Oh, no.
:'''Hannah Phillips''': What a lovely hat, Mrs. Nesbit. It goes quite well with your head.
:''[Woody got an idea and clears his throat]''
:'''Woody''': ''[in Sid's mother's voice]'' Hannah! Oh, Hannah!
:''[Hannah looks up, hearing Woody's voice, thinking it's her mom]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Mom? ''[to her dolls]'' Please excuse me, ladies. I'll be right back. ''[walks out of her room]'' What is it, Mom? Mom, where are you?
:''[Woody bolt into her room and go to Buzz]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! Hey, Buzz, are you okay?
:''[Buzz unfreezes and wails in a drunken despair]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[imitating Jean Shepherd from '''[[A Christmas Story]]''']'' '''''GONE!!''''' It's all go-o-one! All of it's gone. Bye-bye! Whoo-hoo! See ya!
:''[Woody look at his broken arm with curious looks]''
:'''Woody''': What happened to you?
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, ''[pointing at other dolls]'' and '''SUDDENLY''' you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with...
:'''Headless Dolls''': ...Marie Antoinette and her little sister.
:''[The headless dolls turn and wave at Woody]''
:'''Woody''': I think you've had enough tea for today. ''[helps Buzz up]'' Let's get you out of here, Buzz.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Don't you get it?! You see the hat? ''I am Mrs. Nesbit!!'' ''[hysterical laughter]''
:'''Woody''': ''[imitating Cher from '''[[Moonstruck]]''']'' Snap out of it, Buzz!
:''[Woody open his helmet and uses his arm to slap Buzz in the face then politely closes it]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[sober]'' I'm sorry. You're right. I'm just a little depressed that's all. I can get through this. ''[They walk out to the hallway. Then Buzz drops to his knees in despair]'' '''''OH, I'M A SHAM!!'''''
:'''Woody''': Shhhh! Quiet, Buzz!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Look at me! I can't even fly out of a window! But -- the hat looked good. Tell me the hat looked good! The apron is a bit much, it's not my color...
:''[Woody look at the window then to Sid's room. They can see Andy's house outside the window]''
:'''Woody''': &quot;Out the window&quot;! Buzz, you're a genius! ''[pick up the Christmas lights and drag Buzz down the hallway to Sid's room]'' Come on, this way!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': '''YEARS OF ACADEMY TRAINING, WASTED!!'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': B-3.
:'''Hamm''': Miss! G-6.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Ohh! You sunk it! Are you peeking?
:'''Hamm''': Oh, quit your whining and pay up. ''[Potato Head reaches for his ear]'' No, no, not the ear. Give me the nose. Come on.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': How about three out of five?
:''[Woody opens the window and calls out to Mr. Potato Head and Hamm]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, guys! Guys! Hey!
:''[They turn to see Woody waving to them from Sid's window across from them]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Son of a building block! It's Woody.
:'''Hamm''': He's in the psycho's bedroom!
:'''Woody''': Hi!
:'''Hamm''': ''[into Andy's bedroom]'' Everyone, it's Woody!
:'''Bo Peep''': Woody?
:'''Rex''': You're kidding?
:'''Slinky Dog''': Woody!
:'''Woody''': We're gonna get outta here, Buzz. Buzz?
:''[He saw Buzz playing with his arm of divebombing a plane with crashing and exploding]''
:'''Rex''': Hey, look!
:'''Bo Peep''': Woody!
:'''Woody''': Boy, am I glad to see you guys!
:'''Slinky Dog''': I knew you'd come back, Woody!
:'''Bo Peep''': What are you doing over there?
:'''Woody''': It's a long story, Bo. I'll explain later. Here, catch this!
:''[He tosses one end of the Christmas lights towards Andy's window and Slinky catches it with his two front paws]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': I got it, Woody!
:'''Rex''': ''[overly excited]'' He got it, Woody!
:'''Woody''': Good going, Slink! Now, just, just tie it on to something.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Wait! Wait! I got a better idea! How about we DON'T?!
:''[He snatches the lights from Slinky]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Hey!
:'''Bo Peep''': Potato Head.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Did you all take stupid pills this morning?! Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz? And now you want to let him back over here?
:'''Woody''': No, no, no! You got it all wrong, Potato Head. Yeah. Besides, Buzz is fine. Buzz is right here. He's with me.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': You are a liar!
:'''Woody''': No, I'm not. ''[to Buzz]'' Buzz, come over here and you just tell the nice toys that you're not dead. ''[Buzz isn't listening. He's too busy peeling off the sticker off his wrist communicator, crumples it up and growls]'' Just a sec. Buzz, Will you get up here and give us a hand? ''[Buzz throws his broken arm up to Woody; insincerely]'' Ha ha. That's very funny, Buzz. ''[exploding]'' This is serious!!
:'''Rex''': Hey, Woody. Where did ya go?
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': He's lying! Buzz ain't there.
:'''Woody''': ''[forced casualness]'' Oh, hi Buzz! Why don't you say &quot;hello&quot; to the guys over there? ''[make Buzz's arm move while hiding the end of it from the toys' sight; imitating Buzz's voice]'' Hiya, fellas. To infinity and beyond!
:'''Rex''': Hey look! It's Buzz!
:'''Woody''': ''[shaking the arm's hand]'' Yeah, hey Buzz. Let's show the guys our new secret best-friends hand shake. Gimme five, man!
:'''Hamm''': ''[irritated]'' Something's screwy here.
:'''Woody''': So, you see? We're friends now, guys. Aren't we, Buzz? ''[as Buzz]'' You bet. Give me a hug. ''[makes Buzz's arm grasp him for a hug]'' Ha, ha, oh, I love you, too.
:'''Slinky Dog''': See? It is Buzz. Now give back the lights, Potato Head.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Wait just a minute. What are you trying to pull?
:'''Woody''': Nothing.
:''[He shrugs, accidentally revealing Buzz's broken arm to the toys which makes them recoil in horror and Bo Peep screaming in fright. Woody realizes his mistake and tries to hide it, but it's too late. Rex puts his hands to his mouth and turns away to barf]''
:'''Hamm''': Oh, that is disgusting!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[raging furious]'' '''MURDERER!!!'''
:'''Woody''': No! No, no, no, no!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': '''YOU MURDERING DOG!'''
:'''Woody''': No, it's not what you think, I swear!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Save it for the jury. I hope Sid pulls your voice-box out, ya creep!
:''[He let go of the lights, making them fall down]''
:'''Woody''': NO, NO! NO, NO, DON'T LEAVE, DON'T LEAVE! YOU'VE GOTTA HELP US, PLEASE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE OVER HERE!!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Come on, let's get out of here.
:'''Hamm''': Go back to your lives, citizens. Show's over.
:''[They, Bo and Rex leave the window except Slinky]''
:'''Woody''': Come back! Slink! Slink, please! Please! Listen to me! ''[Slinky just looks sad and pulls the blinds down to shut the blinds]'' No! NO, COME BACK! ''[crying]'' Slinky!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Thunder rumbles as dark clouds appear over head. As Woody slumps on the windowsill in defeat, he heard some noises behind them. They turn to see the mutant toys converging around Buzz]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz! ''[They hurry off the table and over to the mutant toys]'' Go away, you disgusting freaks! ''[screams and Babyface turns over and grabs Buzz's arm with his erector-set pinchers to which Woody is shielding himself and have a tug-o-war over it]'' All right, back! Back, you cannibals! Aah! Ooh! ''[loses his grip and falls back, hitting the wall. Buzz is swarmed by the mutant toys. Woody runs over to them with anger]'' He is still alive, and you're not gonna get him, you monsters! What are you doing?! ''[furiously throws the mutant toys aside. Then as Buzz is revealed, he have his arm reattached to him]'' Hey?! Hey, they fixed you! ''[move Buzz's arm to see if what he saw is true]'' But -- but they're cannibals. We saw them eat those other toys. ''[The mutant toys step back to reveal Janie and the Pterodactyl who have been repaired as well with tape around their repaired necks and heads. The mutant toys look innocently at Woody]'' Uh, sorry. I-I thought that you were gonna, ''[laughs nervously]'' you know, eat my friend. ''[The mutant toys immediately retreat to the dark shadows of Sid's room]'' Hey! No, no, wait! Hey! What's wrong?
:'''Grace Phillips''': Sid?
:'''Sid Phillips''': Not now, Mom, I'm BUSY!
:'''Woody''': Sid!!! ''[tries to pick up the still depressed Buzz, but he just went limp]'' Buzz! Come on, get up! Use your legs! ''[tried dragging Buzz to the table but the progress is very slow]'' Fine! Let Sid trash you! But don't blame me!
:''[He leave Buzz sitting alone in the middle of the floor and hides under a milk crate just as Sid bursts in carrying a box]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': It came! It finally came! ''[went over to his workbench and rip open the package; reverently]'' The big one. ''[pulls out a big rocket which has THE BIG ONE written on the side of it; reading the rocket label]'' &quot;Extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of children.&quot; COOL... ''[looks around]'' What am I gonna blow? Man...hey, where's that wimpy cowboy doll? ''[spots the milk crate on the floor and picks it up but Woody has hid himself on the underside of it. Sid steps on Buzz's laser, beeping it. He look down a Buzz]'' Yes! I've always wanted to put a spaceman into orbit. Ha-ha. ''[straps Buzz to the rocket and put a toolbox on the milk crate, making Woody shock]'' Oh, no... ''[goes to the window. Suddenly, he smacks his head against the window]'' Aw, man! ''[Woody breathes out with relief at this, Sid's face brightens up as he look at bad weather; as Newscaster]'' Sid Phillips reporting. Launch of the shuttle has been delayed due to adverse weather conditions at the launch site. Tomorrow's forecast... ''[smacks Buzz down on the desk and winds his alarm clock up]'' Sunny. Ha-ha-ha. Sweet dreams.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Back at Andy's room, Andy is awake in bed]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': I looked everywhere, honey, but all I could find was your hat.
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[groggy]'' But what if we leave them behind?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Oh, don't worry, honey, I'm sure we'll find Woody and Buzz before we leave tomorrow.
:''[She kisses Andy and turns off the light. A box starts bouncing around]''
:'''Rex''': ''[muffled]'' Aaaah! I need air! ''[pops out and spits out packing styrofoam peanuts, relieved and coughs]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Will you quit moving around?!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry. It's just that I get so nervous before I travel.
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': ''[irritated]'' How did I get stuck with YOU as a moving buddy?
:'''Rex''': ''[following Potato Head]'' Everyone else was picked.
:''[Bo watches as Andy sleeps, clutching his cowboy hat]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Oh, Woody, if only you could see how much Andy misses you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Thunder rumbles as rain pours down outside Sid's house. Sid is asleep and Woody is struggling to get out from under the crate]''
:'''Woody''': Psst! Psst! Hey, Buzz! ''[Buzz just sits there. Woody grab a stray washer and fling it at Buzz. It hits his helmet. Buzz looks up]'' Hey! Get over here and see if you can get this tool box off me. What? What're you lookin' at me like that for? I didn't do anything. You're the one who wouldn't hide, Buzz. It's your own fault that you’re strapped in that thing. ''[Buzz just looks away from Woody and bows his head. Woody struggles to move his milkcrate jail again, but the toolbox is shut loudly. But Sid's still sleeping]'' Alright, alright. I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you wanna hear, Buzz? I shouldn't have left you out there for Sid. There, I said it, you gotta admit, you weren't helping me much. ''[No reaction from Buzz]'' Oh, come on, Buzz. I...Buzz, I can't do this without you. I need your help.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': I can't help. I can't help anyone.
:'''Woody''': Why, sure you can, Buzz. You can get us out of here and then I'll get that rocket off you, and we'll make a break for Andy's house.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Andy's house. Sid's house. What's the difference?
:'''Woody''': Oh, Buzz, you've had a big fall. You must not be thinking clearly.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': No, Woody, for the first time I am thinking clearly. ''[looking at himself]'' You were right all along. I'm not a Space Ranger. I'm just a toy. ''[opens up wrist communicator]'' A stupid little insignificant toy.
:'''Woody''': Woah hey. Being a toy is a lot better than being a, a Space Ranger.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Yeah, right.
:'''Woody''': No, it is. Look, over in that house is a kid who thinks you are the greatest, and it's not because you're a Space Ranger, pal, it's because you're a toy. You are his toy.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': But why would Andy want me?
:'''Woody''': Why would Andy want you?! Look at you! You're a Buzz Lightyear. Any other toy would give up his moving parts just to be you. You've got wings, you glow in the dark, you talk, your helmet does that -- that whoosh thing -- you are a COOL toy. ''[depressed]'' As a matter of fact you're too cool. I mean -- I mean what chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure? All I can do is... ''[pull his pull-string; voice-box]'' There's a snake in my boots. ''[regular voice]'' Why would Andy ever want to play with me, when he's got you? ''[Buzz look up at Woody in surprise]'' I'm the one that should be strapped to that rocket. ''[slumps dejectedly against the crate, turning his back to Buzz. Buzz thinks about what Woody just said, his eyes shifting in wonder. Raising an eye brow, he lifts his foot and look at Andy's name written on it, still visible through the scuff marks and dirt. As he runs his fingers through the sole, he understands what being a toy is all about; to being joy and happiness to a kid. He looks at Woody with determination in his eyes. He gestures to Woody who is still looking depressed about not be able to compete with Buzz any more]'' Listen, Buzz, forget about me. You should get outta here while you can. ''[There's silence. Woody turn to see that Buzz is gone, Woody sadly sighs in defeat and bows his head, accepting his fate. Suddenly, there's a cluttering noise up above. He looks up to see Buzz on top of the milk crate, trying to push the toolbox off]'' Buzz!! What are you doing? We thought you were --
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Come on, Sheriff. There's a kid over in that house who needs us. Now let's get you out of this thing. ''[strains]''
:'''Woody''': Yes, sir! ''[They, Woody and Buzz began to push the toolbox and the milk crate but it's slow prove; strained]'' Come on, Buzz! We can do it!
:''[Then as they strain, Woody, and Buzz heard a rumble noise. They look out the window to see the moving van arriving outside Andy's house]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody! It's the moving van.
:'''Woody''': We've got to get out of here... NOW. ''[Buzz braces himself between the toolbox and the wall. Using his legs, Buzz pushes the toolbox and it starts to move. Woody saw that with every shove Buzz gives to the tool chest, the milk crate begins to edge out on the lip of the desk]'' Come on, Buzz. ''[Finally there's a gap wide enough for Woody to jump through]'' All right! ''[drops down to the floor below]'' Buzz! Hey! I'm out!
:''[Buzz didn't hear him and continues to push the toolbox (and milk crate) farther out]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[grunts]'' Almost there!
:''[Woody look up just in time to see the toolbox and the milk crate topple towards them. Woody nervous laugh. The toolbox falls on Woody. Buzz look towards Sid who stirs]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[in his sleep]'' I wanna ride the pony...
:''[He remains asleep. Buzz sighs with relief and went over to the edge of the workbench and peers over to look down to see if Woody are okay]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody? Are you alright?!
:''[Woody lifts the toolbox off him]''
:'''Woody''': ''[punch-drunk]'' No, I'm fine. I'm okay.
:''[Then Sid's alarm clock rang, making Woody duck under the toolbox and Buzz freezes. The alarm clock fell off the desk and onto the floor with a crash. Sid sits up groggily for a second then his eyes widen, remembering his bad plan to blow Buzz up with the rocket]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Oh, yeah! Time for lift-off! ''[jumps out of bed, grabs Buzz and bolts out of his room]'' To infinity and beyond! Whoo-hoo!
:''[Woody run towards the door and catches it just in time before it closes. But as they open the door, Scud appears and runs towards them. Quickly, they shut the door on Scud]''
:'''Woody''': Aaah! Back! Back! Down! Down! ''[out of breath; to himself]'' Okay, what do I do? Come on Woody, think!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody looks around and saw the mutant toys]''
:'''Woody''': Guys! ''[The mutant toys retreat to hide from him]'' No, no, no! Wait! Wait! Listen! Please! There's a good toy down there and he's -- he's going to be blown to bits in a few minutes all because of me. I've gotta save him! ''[pause]'' -- But I need your help. ''[For a while, the mutants look at Woody and consider his proposal, but to Woody it seems like they're not responding. Woody dejectedly bows his head, until he sees Babyface timidly creeps out from under the bed]'' Please. He's my friend. ''[Lets it sink in. He loses hope]'' He's the only one I've got. ''[For a response, it would seem that no help will come, that is until Babyface crawls out and taps a code on the bedpost. The other mutant toys come out of hiding and come over to a relieved Woody; to Babyface]'' Thank you. ''[to the others]'' Okay. I think I know what to do. We're going to have to break a few rules, but if it works, it'll help everybody.
:''[Inside Andy's room Andy's now fully empty and former bedroom where the movers are moving the boxes of Andy's toys out of it. A forlorn Andy holds his cowboy hat and Buzz's cardboard spaceship in his hands and with a sad sigh, he walks out of the room, unaware that next door, Sid is carrying materials under his arm from his shed]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[as astronaut]'' Houston to Mission Control. Come in, Control. Launch pad is being constructed! Heh-heh.
:''[He puts the stuff down next to Buzz who is still inanimate. Outside Sid's door, Scud is planted, poised to strike anything that comes out. In the room, and the mutant toys are planning to rescue Buzz]''
:'''Woody''': All right, listen up. I need Pump Boy here -- Ducky here. Legs? ''[Legs, a fishing rod with doll's legs, step forward]'' You're with Ducky. ''[to the others]'' RollerBob and I don't move till we get the signal. Clear? ''[The mutant toys nodded in agreement]'' Okay, let's move! ''[The mutant toys split up. Scud barks, hearing the commotion. Legs and Ducky, Mark and Bucky open the face plate off a heating grate and run inside the duct. They went down the duct and found a intersection. Ducky saw the right tunnel and quacks to Legs, Mark and Bucky to follow him and they went down the right tunnel. Woody hops onto RollerBob, a skateboard with a soldier's upper torso tied to the front]'' Wind the frog. ''[A toy car with hands and feet winds up a frog with wheels instead of legs. Ducky, Legs, Mark and Bucky move towards a junction box in front of them. Hand-in-the-Box, a jack-in-the-box with a monster hand glove grabs the doorknob. Back in the rafters, Ducky and Legs lift the loose junction box which is attached to the porch light up into the rafters. Ducky stick his head out of the hole to see if the coast is clear. In the room, the other mutant toys are waiting for Ducky to give them the signal]'' Wait for the signal. ''[Ducky put Legs' hook onto his neck and Legs lower him down to the door. Ducky began swinging back and forth to reach the doorbell til with a big swing, he reaches the doorbell and rings it, thus signaling the other mutant toys and Woody]'' Go! ''[Hand-in-the-Box opens the door and the car with hands let go of the frog with wheels. It speeds out of the room and past Scud who began to chase it]'' All right, let's go. Now!
:''[RollerBob uses his arms to move his skateboard, Woody and the other mutant toys out of the room. Downstairs, Hannah approaches the door]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': I'm coming. I'm coming.
:''[She touches the doorknob. Bucky sees it and freezes just as Hannah opens the door. There's no one there. She didn't even see Ducky on the porch in front of her. Scud chases the frog downstairs. The frog races in between Hannah's legs and into Ducky's hands. Legs lifts Ducky and the frog out of the way just as Scud bursts through the door onto the porch, knocking Hannah over in the process]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Scud!
:''[Ducky quacks with laughter. He and Legs put the porch light back in place as Scud barks up at them, realizing that he's been duped. Hannah gets back up]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': Stupid dog!
:''[She slams the door in Scud's face and went down the hall. Woody, and the mutant toys flew down the stairs and through the kitchen towards a dog door in front of them]''
:'''Woody''': Lean back!
:''[The mutants push back, causing RollerBob to do a wheelie and they fly through the dog door and catapult into the bushes]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody, and the mutant toys peeks out of the bushes to see Buzz still standing inanimate strapped to the launchpad. Sid is still in his toolshed, doing voices of Houston and an astronaut]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[as astronaut]'' Uh, Mission Control, is the launchpad construction complete? ''[simulated static]'' Uh, Roger, rocket is now secured to guide wire. We are currently obtaining the...ignition sticks. Countdown will commence momentarily. Stand by-- ''[simulated static]''
:''[Legs, Ducky, Frog, Mark and Bucky slide into the yard from a drain pipe. They exchange a thumbs-up with Woody before hurrying to their positions]''
:'''Woody''': Let's go.
:''[The mutant toys spread out to their positions]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': Hey, Mom?! Where are the matches? Oh, oh, wait, here they are. Never mind...
:''[Woody ran towards Buzz, who saw him]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[whispers]'' Woody?! Great! Help me out of this thing!
:'''Woody''': Shhh!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Woody''': ''[whispers]'' It's okay, everything's under control.
:''[He goes limp and falls to the ground, confusing Buzz]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody?! What are you doing?!
:''[Sid came out of his toolshed and Buzz freezes]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[as astronaut]'' Houston, all systems are go. Requesting permission to launch -- ''[spotting Woody]'' Hey! How'd you get out here? ''[picks Woody up and look at him for a moment]'' Oh, well, you and I can have a cookout later. Ha-ha-ha... ''[puts Woody on a barbecue grill and put a match in his holster then turn back to Buzz to proceed with his plan to blow him up]'' Houston, do we have permission to launch? -- ''[simulated static]'' Uh, Roger, permission granted. You are confirmed at T minus 10 seconds, ''[The mutant toys scrambled to their hiding places as Sid lights a match]'' and counting, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
:''[He did not say &quot;Blast Off!&quot; as he grins menacingly as he moves the match to the fuse, ready to light it when...]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Reach for the sky.
:'''Sid Phillips''': Huh?
:''[He turns to see Woody still on on the barbecue grill, lifeless except for the sound coming from his voice box]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' This town ain't big enough for the two of us!
:'''Sid Phillips''': What?
:''[He walks over to Woody and picks him up]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Somebody's poisoned the water hole...
:'''Sid Phillips''': It's busted.
:''[He raises Woody up, about to throw him away...]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' Who are you calling busted, Buster?! ''[Sid stops short and looks at Woody confused]'' That's right. ''[As Woody's voice box continues to talk, Sid look at his pull string. It's not moving]'' I'm talking to YOU, Sid Phillips!
:''[Sid gets increasingly frightened and confused]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': What?
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' We don't like being blown up, Sid, or smashed, or ripped apart...
:'''Sid Phillips''': W-w-w-we?
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' That's right! Your toys!
:''[A red doll rise from a sandbox calling Mama. A pick-up truck toy emerges from the sandbox too and Buzz Lightyear grins excitedly. Mud-covered soldiers rises from some puddles and began to move towards Sid who back up in fright. The alien who Scud chewed up earlier, appears from a dog bowl and join in the fray. Legs lower Babyface down onto Sid's head, making him screaming in terror. Hand-in-the-Box grabs him by the leg and RollerBob and Janie approach him. Sid found himself getting surrounded by his toys]''
:'''Woody''': ''[voice-box]'' From now on, you must take good care of your toys! Because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid. We toys can see everything. ''[Woody's inanimate head rotates around 360 degrees then came to life much to Sid's horror; regular voice]'' So play nice. ''[Sid screams in horror and runs away, dropping Woody. Woody, and the mutant toys cheer; delighted]'' Ha-ha! We did it! We did it! YES!!!
:''[Inside, Hannah is coming downstairs with a doll when Sid rushes in]''
:'''Sid Phillips''': ''[last words; whimpering]'' The toys! The toys are alive! ''[sees Hannah's doll and recoils a bit]'' Nice toy...
:''[Hannah, sensing Sid's fear and found an opportunity to get back at him for what he did to Janie and her toys, suddenly thrusts the doll into Sid's face. He continues screaming and runs upstairs with Hannah chasing him, taunting him with the doll]''
:'''Hannah Phillips''': What's wrong, Sid?! Don't you want to play with Sally?!
:''[Sid crying in off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Outside, the mutant toys continue celebrating and congratulating each.]''
:'''Woody''': Nice work, fellas. Good job. Coming out of the ground -- what a touch! That was a stroke of genius.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody. ''[Woody turns around and sees Buzz who's still affixed to Sid's launchpad. Buzz extends his hand to Woody]'' Thanks.
:''[They share a smile as they shake hands, beginning their friendship, when they heard a car horn and they turn to see Andy and his family getting into the car]''
:'''Jennifer Davis''': ''[Off-screen]'' Everybody say, &quot;Bye, house.&quot;
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody! The van!
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[depressed]'' Bye, house.
:''[Woody quickly hoist Buzz off the pole he was tied to]''
:'''Woody''': ''[to mutant toys]'' We gotta run! Thanks, guys. ''[With the rocket still taped to Buzz, the two toys sprint to the fence. Woody peeks out to see Andy's van's engine roaring, starting up]'' Quick!
:''[Woody easily slips through the slats in the fence, but Buzz's rocket got him stuck. Woody climb to the rear bumper of the van then realizes Buzz's movement is silent. He looks back to discover that Buzz is stuck to the fence]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Just go! I'll catch up! ''[Woody looks between Buzz and the van then made a decision. He jumped down and ran back to Buzz. The van begins pulling out of the driveway. Woody tugs on a loosened slat and breaks Buzz free of the fence. The two toys ran out to the street but the van is already driving away down the street. Then they heard a rumble and they look back to see the moving truck rolling towards them. Woody and Buzz scream. They duck down to avoid been hit by the truck as it rolls over them. After it passes, they start to chase it]'' Come on! ''[Scud is lying on the front porch when he perks up, seeing Woody, and Buzz running down the street after the moving truck. He growls, wanting to get back at them for duping him. Buzz runs faster than Woody and leap for a strap which is dangling from the back of the truck and grabs it to climb up to the bumper. Woody struggles to reach the strap but it keeps being out of reach]'' You can do it, Woody!
:''[Woody jumps and grabs the strap]''
:'''Woody''': Whew, I made it! ''[laughs; Buzz gasps. Woody look back to see Scud running towards them. Woody screams. Scud bite on Woody's foot; kicking Scud with his other foot]'' Get away, [[Turner &amp; Hooch|you stupid dog]]! Down! Down! Aah! Aah!
:''[Scud began to drag Woody down to the end of the strap]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Hold on, Woody!
:'''Woody''': I can't do it! Take care of Andy for me!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': No!
:''[Buzz jumps off of the truck and onto Scud's snout. He pull Scud's eyelids and snap them hard. Scud yelps in pain, letting go of Woody. He bucks wildly with Buzz still on him]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz!
:''[Still hanging onto the strap, Woody scrambles up onto the bumper. He unlocks the back door of the truck and strains to get it open. Just then, the moving truck and the family van stop at the traffic lights. Woody slams into the door, making it slide up, carrying him with it. Hanging from the door, Woody scans the inside of the truck until he saw a box marked Andy's toys. Scud flings Buzz off his face. Buzz tumbles under a parked car. Scud runs to the car but can't get to Buzz due to the car too big for him to fit under. Woody open the box and inside is Slinky, Rex, Mr. Potato Head and Hamm]''
:'''Toys''': What?
:'''Rex''': Are we there already? Woody!
:'''Slinky Dog''': Woody?! How'd you--
:'''Hamm''': How did you-- ''[Woody push the box to the side and begin rummaging through the next box. Slinky, Potato Head, Rex and the other toys poke their heads out]'' What's going on? What's he taking?
:'''Woody''': Aha, there you are!
:''[The toys watch in confusion as Woody took out RC and his remote control out of the box]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Hey! What's he doing?
:''[Woody runs to the back of the truck and kicks RC out onto the street, making the toys scream in horror]''
:'''Rex''': He's at it again!
:''[Woody turn on the remote and send RC to the parked car, pasting Scud on the way. RC's motor whirrs happily at Buzz being OK and Buzz smiles at him. Woody laughs. The traffic light turned green, allowing the moving truck and Andy's family van to drive on]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Get him!
:''[The toys pour out of their boxes and charge towards Woody. Woody look back, gasps and quickly turn the wheel on the remote, making RC zoom with Buzz on board him towards the truck with Scud in hot pursuit. Woody steers the remote while trying to fend off the angry toys]''
:'''Woody''': Ah-h!! Ah-h! No, no! ''[Scud continues chasing Buzz and RC down the street, nearly close to chomp on him. In the truck, Rocky lifts Woody and spin him around in circles]'' No, no, no! Wait! ''[as Rocky spins him]'' Whoa-Whoa-Whoa...!
:''[RC suddenly starts going around in circles because of the remote going around in Woody's hand]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[spinning]'' Whoa-Whoa-Whoa...!
:''[Rocky throws Woody to the floor, making RC going straight again with Scud still chasing him and Buzz clinging to him. Hamm leaps off a pile of boxes and onto Woody]''
:'''Hamm''': Pig pile!
:''[The impact makes RC jump into the air and back onto the road. Buzz lands on RC, facing backwards. The traffic lights turn red and the wall of cross traffic move from both directions. Buzz looks back to see the lines of traffic in front of him. Buzz screams. He and RC drive straight into the lines of traffic with Scud blindly following them. Scud saw a car slamming on it's brakes on his side and went wide-eyed, realizing his mistake and skids to stop. The car swerves to avoid Scud and crashes into another car. Buzz and RC zipped through before the other cars collide with each other. Soon there is a multi-car pile up that encircles Scud, trapping him. He runs back and forth, trying to find a way out while people in their cars honk their horns at each other and shouting at each other]''
:'''Driver #1''': Get out of that car!
:'''Driver #2''': Move it!
:''[Buzz look up to see the crash and let out a sigh of relief, both for getting away from Scud and avoid getting hit by the cars. Back on the truck, Rocky holding Woody (still holding the remote) above his head and walk towards the open door]''
:'''Woody''': No, wait, you don't understand! Buzz is out there! We've gotta help him!!
:''[Woody swings his remote around knocks Mr. Potato Head's parts fall off his body and onto the floor]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Toss him overboard!
:'''Woody''': No, no, no, wait! Ah!
:''[The toys throw Woody out into the road. The toys cheered as the truck rolled away]''
:'''Rex''': Hooray!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': So long, Woody!
:''[Woody getting hit as the auto passes over him. Woody looks Buzz and RC arrives]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Whoa! Woody!
:''[RC hops up Woody and keeps driving. Woody found themselves sit in front of Buzz holds the remote]''
:'''Woody''': Well, thanks for the ride.
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[pointing ahead]'' Look out!
:''[They slam into the rear tire of the auto in front of them. Woody screams and quickly turns the tire on the remote control]''
:'''Woody''': Now let's catch up to that truck!
:''[Woody switches from the remote control and RC speeds up towards the moving truck. The toys are busy congratulating one another when Lenny glances and looks Woody and Buzz]''
:'''Lenny''': Guys, guys, Woody riding RC, and Buzz is with them!
:'''Toys''': '''WHAT?!!'''
:''[The toys rush to the edge of the open truck. Bo lifts Lenny up to look through him]''
:'''Bo Peep''': It is Buzz! Woody was telling the truth!
:''[The toys including Mr. Potato Head gasps and horrified]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': What have we done?!
:'''Rex''': Great. Now I have guilt.
:'''Woody''': We're almost there.
:''[RC is gaining on the moving truck]''
:'''Bo Peep''': Rocky, the ramp!
:''[Rocky rush over to a lever and push down the lever and the ramp starts to lower down. Woody and Buzz look up and come down]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Look out!
:''[RC sped back just before the ramp slams down and sparks flew from the flashing in a road]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': ''[to other toys]'' Quick, hold on to my tail!
:''[Mr. Potato Head and Rex grab on to Slinky's tail, allowing Slinky leaps off the truck and onto the ramp. Slinky stretches out to Woody. Woody hands the remote to Buzz and leans forward to grab Slinky's paw]''
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Attaboy, Slink!
:''[Then all of a sudden, RC starts to slow down, pulls Slinky's front end off the ramp]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Woody! Woody! Speed up!
:'''Woody''': ''[to Buzz]'' Speed up!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': The batteries, they're running out!
:''[RC's headlight eyes sag as he slows down even more]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
:''[Inside the minivan as the Hakuna Matata song from '''[[The Lion King]]''' plays, Molly look at the sideview mirror and saw RC with Woody, Buzz in it and Molly squeals. Slinky screams]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': I can't hold on much longer!
:'''Woody''': Slink, hang on!
:''[Slinky's paws slips out, sends his front shooting back into the truck and knocks over the toys]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': ''[screams]'' Ouch!
:''[RC slows down and sputters to the stop]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Woody and Buzz watch in vain as the family van and moving truck disappear down the street. A cuckoo bird's chirps]''
:'''Woody''': ''[disappointed]'' Great!
:''[Buzz drops the remote in disappointment as he looks back at the rocket, which is still attached to his back which gives him an idea!]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody! The rocket!
:'''Woody''': The match! ''[pull out the match from his holster that Sid had put there earlier]'' Yes! Thank you, Sid! ''[runs around behind Buzz, strikes the match against RC's back tire and is about to light the fuse when a car whizzes over them, blowing out the match. Woody looks stunned at this, clenched the match in his hands and falls prostrate to the ground]'' No! No, no, no! No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No...
:''[Unable to watch a cowboy cry, Buzz bows his head, causing his helmet to block the sun from Woody. As Buzz's shadow moves over him, Woody stops sobbing and suddenly saw a white dot on his hand which is the same dot generated from Sid's magnifying glass. Seeing that Buzz's helmet aims the sunlight on his hand, Woody got an idea. He leaps up, grab Buzz's helmet and aligns it so the sunlight touches the fuse]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Woody, what are you doing?
:'''Woody''': Hold still, Buzz! ''[The fuse lights and laughs]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': You did it! Next stop: Andy!
:''[Then Woody stops smiling, remembering something]''
:'''Woody''': Wait a minute... I just lit a rocket. Rockets explode!
:''[The rocket fires, making RC go super fast, passing car after car. Woody's face starts wagging by the speed as the moving truck appears ahead of them. The toys gather around Slinky who has his spring splayed out in his middle]''
:'''Slinky Dog''': I should a held on longer.
:''[Lenny look out of the back and saw Woody, Buzz, and RC zooming up to them]''
:'''Lenny''': Look! Look! It's Woody and Buzz! Coming up fast!
:'''Rex''': Woody! ''[The rocket is so strong that it began to lift Woody and Buzz into the air. Woody manages to hold on to RC but not for long as he forces to lose his grip, sending RC towards the moving van]'' Take cover!
:''[The toys ran out of the way. Only Mr. Potato Head remains standing as RC smash into him, sending his parts flying. The rocket carries Woody, and Buzz higher and higher]''
:'''Woody''': Aaah! This is the part where we blow up!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Not today!
:''[He presses the red button which open his wings which breaks through the tape that holds him to the rocket. The toys separate from the rocket just before it explodes. The toys plummet towards the ground. Woody screams. Just then Buzz banks under some power lines. Woody takes a peek saw that they're really flying]''
:'''Woody''': Hey, Buzz!! You're flying!!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': This isn't flying. This is falling -- with style!
:'''Woody''': Ha-ha! To infinity, and beyond! ''[They soar towards the moving truck but then they flew over it, much to Woody's confusion]'' Uh, Buzz, we missed the truck!
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': We're not aiming for the truck!
:''[Woody look to see that they're gaining on the family van. They fly over to the sun roof and then drop into the car. Before anyone notices, Woody and Buzz land in a open box in the back seat, next to Andy hide behind the seat. Andy look over to see a limp Woody and Buzz inside the box]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Hey! Wow!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': What? What is it?
:'''Andy Davis''': ''[picking up the toys]'' Woody! Buzz!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Oh, great, you found them. Where were they?
:'''Andy Davis''': Here, in the car!
:'''Jennifer Davis''': See? Now, what did I tell you? Right where you left them.
:''[Andy hug his favorite toys happily. Woody and Buzz give each other a knowing wink before they resume freezement]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Last lines; Months later, it's Christmas in Andy's new house. In the living room, Andy, his mom and Molly are around the Christmas tree, opening presents]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Which one can I open first?
:'''Jennifer Davis''': Let's let Molly open one.
:''[In the Christmas tree, Sarge is using his binoculars to spy on them. His soldiers turn on the baby monitor to which they're holding in the branches. The other monitor plays on Andy's night stand]''
:'''Sarge''': ''[over the monitor]'' Frankincense, this is Myrrh. Come in, Frankincense.
:''[Buzz now with his helmet permanently opened, is sitting on the edge of Andy's bed while Hamm rests on the nightstand. They listen to the monitor]''
:'''Hamm''': ''[to the room]'' Hey, heads up everybody! It's showtime.
:''[The toys, and Woody are mingling together like a typical office Christmas party]''
:'''Rex''': Oh, it's time!
:''[The toys stop dancing and hurried over to the monitor. Woody is about to follow when Bo grabs him with her crook]''
:'''Woody''': Whoooooah! Oh, Bo! ''[rubbing his neck]'' There's gotta be a less painful way to get my attention.
:'''Bo Peep''': Merry Christmas, Sheriff.
:''[Bo points her crook upwards to her sheep with mistletoe in their mouths]''
:'''Woody''': Say, isn't that mistletoe?
:'''Bo Peep''': Mm-hmmmmm.
:''[Bo drops her crook, dips Woody and kisses him. The toys are congregated below the monitor this time with excitement instead of fear this time]''
:'''Rex''': ''[to Slinky]'' Maybe Andy'll get another dinosaur, like a leaf-eater. That way, I could play the, uh, dominant predator. ''[laughs]''
:''[Slinky laughs with him]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': Quiet, everyone, quiet!
:'''Sarge''': ''[over monitor]'' Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head. Repeat. A Mrs. Potato Head.
:''[Mr. Potato Head looks overjoyed]''
:'''Hamm''': Way to go, Idaho!
:'''Mr. Potato Head''': Gee, I better shave.
:''[He takes off his moustache piece and flick it away. Woody climbs onto the bed and join Buzz, his face covered in lipstick from Bo kissing him]''
:'''Sarge''': ''[over monitor]'' Come in, Frankincense. Andy is now opening his first present it's a... ''[static]''
:''[Buzz bangs the side of the monitor]''
:'''Woody''': Buzz, Buzz Lightyear. You are not worried, are you?
:'''Sarge''': ''[over monitor]'' I can't quite make out -- ''[static]''
:'''Buzz Lightyear''': ''[defensively]'' Me? No, no, no, no... Mm-mmm. Are you?
:'''Woody''': ''[laughing]'' Now, Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
:'''Andy Davis''': Oh, what is it? What is it?
:''[Buster is heard barking]''
:'''Andy Davis''': Wow, a puppy!
:''[Woody and Buzz look at each other in surprise for a sec then share a worried smile]''

== RANDY NEWMAN &amp; LYLE LOVETT lyrics (You've Got a Friend in Me) ==
:'''Randy Newman''': You've got a friend in me.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': You've got a friend in me / When the road looks rough ahead / And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed.
:'''Randy Newman''': Just remember what your old pal said / Boy, you've got a friend in me.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': Yeah, you've got a friend in me...| You've got a friend in me.
:'''Randy Newman''': You've got a friend in me.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': You've got troubles.
:'''Randy Newman''': I've got 'em too / There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': We stick together, we can see it through / 'Cause you've got a friend in me.
:'''Randy Newman''': Yeah, you've got a friend in me...| Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': Bigger and stronger too.
:'''Randy Newman''': Maybe.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': But none of them will ever love you the way I do / It's me and you, boy.
:'''Randy Newman''': And as the years go by.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': Our friendship will never die.
:'''Randy Newman and Lyle Lovett''': You're gonna see, it's our destiny.
:'''Randy Newman''': You've got a friend in me.
:'''Lyle Lovett''': You've got a friend in me.
:'''Randy Newman and Lyle Lovett''': You've got a friend in me...| ''[song fades]''

== Taglines ==
* &quot;Oooh...3-D&quot; (USA 2009 re-release)
* The toys are back in town.
* It's light years ahead!
* The adventure takes off!
* Hang on for the comedy that goes to infinity and beyond!
* Watch out for little green men.
* I'm a nervous Rex!
* Don't yank my string!
* Buzz off!
* Guts of steel
* Proud to be a vegetable

== Cast ==
=== Main Cast ===
*[[Tom Hanks]] &amp;ndash; Sheriff Woody Pride
*[[Tim Allen]] &amp;ndash; Buzz Lightyear
*{{w|Don Rickles}} &amp;ndash; Mr. Potato Head
*{{w|Jim Varney}} &amp;ndash; Slinky Dog
*{{w|Wallace Shawn}} &amp;ndash; Rex
*{{w|John Ratzenberger}} &amp;ndash; Hamm
*{{w|Annie Potts}} &amp;ndash; Bo Peep
*{{w|John Morris (actor)|John Morris}} &amp;ndash; Andrew &quot;Andy&quot; Davis
*{{w|Erik von Detten}} &amp;ndash; Sidney &quot;Sid&quot; Phillips
*{{w|Laurie Metcalf}} &amp;ndash; Jennifer Davis (Andy's mother)
*{{w|R. Lee Ermey}} &amp;ndash; Sarge
*{{w|Sarah Freeman}} &amp;ndash; Hannah Phillips
*[[Penn Jillette]] &amp;ndash; TV Announcer

=== Additional Voices ===
*{{w|Joe Ranft}} &amp;ndash; Lenny
*{{w|Jeff Pidgeon}} &amp;ndash; Squeeze Toy Aliens/Mr. Spell/Robot
*{{w|Jack Angel}} &amp;ndash; Shark/Rocky Gibraltar
*{{w|Debi Derryberry}} &amp;ndash; Squeeze Toy Aliens/Pizza Planet Announcer
*Craig Good &amp;ndash; Mission Control
*{{w|John Lasseter}}&lt;br&gt;{{w|Andrew Stanton}} &amp;ndash; Commercial Chorus
*{{w|Bill Farmer}} &amp;ndash; Monotone Announcer
*{{w|Greg Berg}} &amp;ndash; Local Announcer
*{{w|Ryan O'Donohue}} &amp;ndash; Boy Voice
*Mickie McGowan &amp;ndash; Grace Phillips (Sid's mother)
*{{w|Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor}} &amp;ndash; Bowling Announcer/Pizza Planet Guard/Pizza Planet Announcer

== About ''Toy Story'' ==

* I think the subject matter lends itself to the medium very much. When we started &quot;Toy Story&quot; back in 1991, computer graphics tended to make everything look like they were made of plastic, and so it was a natural subject matter. But with computer animation, we were also able to get the detail: the seams on Buzz Lightyear – the little screwheads holding the parts together. There was an embossed '© Disney' on his butt. All those things made it feel like the audience was looking at it going, &quot;Yeah, I believe those are toys.&quot;
** John Lasseter, [http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2001/12/19/john_lasseter_toy_story_1_interview.shtml &quot;(Part 1 of 2) Toy Story&quot;], by Adrian Hennigan, ''BBC''. December 19, 2001.
* It was the hardest work I've ever done, purely as an actor.
: This is how you make these movies, you stand there in front of a microphone and you scream your head off for the better part of six hours, that's my recollection of what it was.
:* Tom Hanks, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihTsIb76mcg &quot;Tom Hanks Interview: Toy Story&quot;] {{fact}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia-inline}}
{{Commons category}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0114709|title=Toy Story}}

{{Toy Story}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:1995 animated films]]
[[Category:Computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Animated adventure films]]
[[Category:Animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Pixar]]
[[Category:Screenplays by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Joss Whedon]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]
[[Category:Toy Story]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Muppet Babies (1984 TV series)|Muppet Babies]]''''' is an animated television series that aired from 1984 to 1991 on the [[w:CBS|CBS]], [[w:Playhouse Disney|Playhouse Disney]], [[w:Nick (TV channel)|Nickelodeon]], [[w:Claster Television|Claster Television]], [[w:Nick Jr. (TV channel)|Nick Jr.]], (United States) [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse TV]] (Canada), and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] (United States). The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 3 to 7.

== Season 1 (1984)  ==

=== Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Dark? [1.02] ===
:''[After the chase of the slime monster]''
:'''Kermit''': ''[sighs, opens the fence board to check]'' I think we lost it. ''[closes it, sees someone in a ghost costume which makes 11 of the kids]'' Hey, wait a minute. 1, 2, 3...that's funny. How many of us were there when we started the story?
:'''Gonzo''': 10. Why?
:'''Kermit''': 10? Why, uh, ''[points at someone in a ghost costume]'' I think we picked up a stray.
:''[Gonzo removes the sheet and it turns out to be the slime monster, who growls]''
:'''Kids''': Slime monster!
:'''Gonzo''': Let's get outta here! Help!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In the haunted house]''
:'''Skeeter''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' Are you sure you saw the slime monster in that closet, Gonzo?
:'''Gonzo''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' I don't know. Maybe it was my imagination.
:'''Fozzie''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' That's right. That's all it was. There aren't any slime monsters around here, uh,  are there? ''[the slime monster comes out of the sheet, roars]'' That's good. For a minute there, I was getting worried. ''[gives a shocked look]'' Slime monster!
:'''Kids''': ''[run away]'' Slime monster!
:'''Animal''': Monster! Aah!
:'''Beaker''': Slime monster!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie:''' ''[to the slime monster]'' When does a ghost need a license? ''[the slime monster scratches it's head, and blubbers, &quot;I don't know&quot;]'' During haunting season! ''[laughs nervously]'' Pretty funny, huh?
:''[The slime monster roars]''

=== Raiders of the Lost Muppet [1.04] ===
:'''Gonzo''': Let's synchronize our watches. 
:'''Scooter''': We don't have any watches. 
:'''Gonzo''': That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Rowlf can pick up the scent. 
:'''Rowlf''': I didn't know anybody dropped it.

=== Close Encounters of the Frog Kind [1.09] ===
:'''Kermit''': They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': ''[about Robin]'' He's adorable, just like his Uncle Kermie.
:'''Kermit''': Uncle Kermie? I never asked to be an uncle. 
:'''Skeeter''': Kermit! Nobody asks to be an uncle. Your big sister had babies, that makes you an uncle, and the babies are your nieces and nephews. 
:'''Kermit''': Oh, that's different.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piggy''': ''[reading to Robin]'' And so Piggy followed the little tadpole down its tadpole hole. ''[as herself]'' Oh, I'm falling!
:'''Gonzo''': Hold everything! You're not telling the story right, Piggy. The pictures show Alice chasing a white rabbit down a rabbit hole, not a tadpole hole. 
:'''Piggy''': I say it's a tadpole, and he went down a tadpole hole. And if you don't want to wind up stuffed in a weirdo hole, '''''YOU BETTER KEEP QUIET!!!'''''

=== Gonzo's Video Show [1.10] ===
:'''Gonzo''': ''[trying to adjust video camera]'' Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy. 
:'''Fozzie''': No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing]'' 
:'''Piggy''': And I'm going to be the producer. 
:'''Kermit''': Gee, what do producers do, Piggy? 
:'''Piggy''': ''THEY FIRE DIRECTORS!'' ''[lunges at Gonzo]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After the Muppets decide to make a Star Wars movie]''
:'''Fozzie''': Oh, I know who I can play! ''[grabs two belts]'' I could play Whewbacca the Cookie!
:'''Kermit''': Um, that's Chewbacca the Wookie, Fozzie.
:'''Fozzie''': That's what I said, Cuchacca the Bookie.
:'''Kermit''': Oh Gee.

== Season  2 (1985) ==

=== Fozzie's Last Laugh [2.03] ===
:'''Piggy''': Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have? 
:'''Fozzie''': He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall. 
:'''Fozzie''': Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': What's the difference between an orange? 
:'''Nanny''': Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke. 
:'''Fozzie''': It ''is'' finished. ''That's'' the joke. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fozzie has given up on comedy and now taken a job as a door-to-door salesman]''
:'''Piggy''': Who is it?
:'''Fozzie''': Door-to-door salesman.
:'''Piggy''': Is this anything funny?
:'''Fozzie''': Not at all, M'aam. These are unique encyclopedias.
:'''Piggy''': Okay, come on in.
:'''Fozzie''': These encyclopedia are where you open it up, the subject comes to you! Look at &quot;P&quot;, a parrot!
:''[The parrot appears]''
:'''Piggy''': Neat! How about &quot;O&quot;?
:'''Fozzie''': Careful, because you may get the... ''[water appears]'' ...ocean!
:''[The ocean destroys entire house save for the couch, where Piggy and Fozzie are now adrift on]''
:'''Piggy''': Quick! Open up &quot;N&quot; and get us the Navy!
:''[The oranges appear on the couch]''
:'''Fozzie''': I got us navel oranges!

=== The Muppet Museum of Art [2.11] ===

:'''Fozzie:''' ''(about his painting)'' Pretty good, huh? I think I'll call it &quot;Still-Life With Tomatoes.&quot; 
:''[Scooter retches]''
:'''Rowlf:''' I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.

=== When you Wish Upon a Muppet [2.13] ===
:'''Piggy''': I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married. 
:'''Kermit''': I don't wanna waste a wish. 
:'''Piggy''': WHAT?!
:'''Kermit''': Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

== Season 3 (1986) ==

=== Pigerella [3.01] ===
:''[In a Cinderella parody]''
:'''Piggy''': ''[answering the door]'' Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.

=== Muppets in Toyland [3.04] ===
:'''Fozzie''': ''[hops on a toy motorcycle, but it will not go]'' Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': Personally, I never could figure out these toys that change from one thing to another.

=== The Muppet Broadcasting Company [3.05] ===
:''[After the power to the nursery is lost]''
:'''Gonzo''': Come on, let's set up the dominos again.
:'''Skeeter''': But we won't be able to see them.
:'''Fozzie''': That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.
:'''Others''': Fozzie!
:'''Fozzie''': Sorry.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': So tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Dinner! ''[laughs hysterically]'' 
:''[The audience laughs]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': No, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka! ''[the audience boos and throws tomatoes]'' Wait a minute! I got a better one! Tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland? 
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Dinner! ''[laughs hysterically and falls off chair]''
:''[The audience laughs again]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': No, no, no! That's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka. ''[the audience boos again and he gets hit with tomatoes]'' Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me. ''[the home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at him]'' Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny? 
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Fozzie! ''[laughs again]''
:''[The audience laughs again]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': ''[dejectedly]'' Say goodnight, Animal.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beaker''': Meep, meep meep meep. 
:'''Bunsen''': You want to know how I, Sherlock Bunsen, am going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

=== Kermit Goes to Washington [3.06] ===
:'''Scooter''': When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress. 
:'''Fozzie''': Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Scooter''': Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address. 
:'''Kermit''': Um, what is the Gettysburg address? 
:'''Statue of Abe Lincoln''': ''[comes to life]'' Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.
:''[The kids scream in terror and run]''

=== Fozzie's Family Tree [3.07] ===
:''[Fozzie is on a quest to find comedian ancestors. He finds himself in a football stadium with anthromorphic bears wearing football uniforms]''
:'''Fozzie''': Wow! The Chicago Bears! Hey, why are you so glum?
:'''Football Player 1''': We are champion football players.
:'''Fozzie''': What's wrong with that?
:'''Football Player 2''': We want to be comedians!
:'''Fozzie''': I can help with that! Huddle up, guys.
:''[Football players huddle with Fozzie, who tells them a joke]''
:'''Football Player 3''': 24-36-72-Joke!
:'''Football Player 2''': Why is it always cool at a football game?
:'''Football Player 1''': Because there are always a lot of fans in the bleachers! Wokka, wokka, wokka!
:''[The audience boos and throws tomatoes at football players. Annoyed, they chase Fozzie out of the stadium]''

=== The Daily Muppet [3.08] ===
:''[Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lily pad in a pond. Suddenly he is abducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit]''
:'''Frog Sailor''': Enemy sighted, Captain!
:'''Captain''': You are just what we need for our submarine!
:'''Kermit''': ''[salutes]'' I will do my best, Captain.
:'''Captain''': Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!
:[''Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare]''                       

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': What time is it anyway?                              
:'''Animal''': Breakfast time, yayayayayaya! ''[eats a blanket]''       
:'''Piggy''': ''[her tummy gurgles]'' Oh, my tummy, it is breakfast time!

=== Scooter's Uncommon Cold [3.09] ===
:'''Fozzie''':  That way, we can go inside Scooter and help him fight off his Germans.
:'''Skeeter''': That's &quot;germs&quot;, silly.
:'''Fozzie''': That's what I said.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rowlf''': Whatcha lookin' for, Kermit?
:'''Kermit''': This, we can use it like a road map.
:'''Rowlf''': Yeah, but how will we get around once we're inside Scooter’s body?
:'''Animal''': Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.
:'''Kermit''': Quick, follow Animal.
:'''Fozzie''': Animal, where are you?
:'''Kermit''': He disappeared.
:'''Animal''': Submarine, wawawawawawa.
:'''Kermit''': That's perfect, Animal, this'll work great, come on, let's go.
:'''Piggy''': Hey, where do we get into Scooter's body when we're tiny?
:'''Gonzo''': There’s only one place that I know, his bellybutton.
:'''Kids''': Huh?
:'''Skeeter''': Are you sure, Gonzo?
:'''Gonzo''': Of course.
:'''Scooter''': ''[chuckling]'' Hey, that's cold. ''[sneezes again]''
:'''Kermit''': Okay, guys, let's do it. Okay, here we go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Viruses are threatening the Babies. Meanwhile, Scooter drank some orange juice, which has just entered his body]''
:'''Viruses''': Vitamin C?! OH NO! Run, get out of here! ''[flee]''
:'''Virus Leader''': ''[doesn't flee]'' Quick! Put on your Anti-Vitamin C masks!
:''[Remaining viruses don gas-mask like gear and survive attack. The Babies are still prisoner]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gonzo got separated from the Babies and is in the brain, the only of the Babies not held prisoner by the viruses]''
:'''Gonzo''': ''[talking to himself]'' This looks like a filing cabinet. ''[opens cabinet and sees pictures of Babies, to include Kermit, Rowlf, Piggy and Beeker]'' Memory photos! ''[finds picture of himself blowing a gum bubble]'' Oh no, this must be the time I stole his bubble gum! ''[destroys photo]'' Heh heh, he will not remember that now!
:'''Cowboy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hold it right there! Just what do you think you are doing?
:'''Gonzo''': ''[looks around in shock to see what look like several cowboys]'' Uh, uh, who are you?
:'''Cowboy''': Name is Sheriff White Cell, and it is my job to keep order and stop outlaws in Scooter's body.

=== Of Mice and Muppets [3.15] ===
:''[In a Pied Piper parody]''
:'''Piggy''':  Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.
:'''Skeeter''': I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!
:'''Piggy''': This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.
:'''Fozzie''': Hamsters, get your free hamsters!
:'''Kermit''': Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.
:'''Piggy''': Eek, rats! No,  my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!
:''Rowlf is hauling a grand piano''
:'''Rowlf''': UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!

== Season 4 (1987) ==

=== Where No Muppet Has Gone Before [4.04] ===
:'''Fozzie''': Gravity. Isn't that what we put on mashed potatoes?
:'''Bunsen''': That's gravy. Not gravity, Fozzie.
:'''Fozzie''': Oh, I knew that.

=== Journey to the Center of the Nursery [4.05] ===
:'''Fozzie'''&quot; This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam? 
:'''Kids''': We got it. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': We love working in salt mines, right guys? 
:'''Kids''': Gonzo!
:'''Fozzie:''' Yeah we don't even mind pepper. 
:'''Kids''': Fozzie!

=== This Little Piggy went to Hollywood [4.06] ===
:'''Fozzie''': Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional. ''[drops his cue cards]'' Oops!
:'''Piggy''': You're a professional oops all right.

=== My Muppet Valentine [4.07] ===
:'''Scooter''': What happened, Fozzie? 
:'''Fozzie''': Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny. 
:'''Skeeter''': Boy, we'll never see him again. 
:'''Fozzie''': Yeah...Huh? 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke? 
:'''Rowlf''': No thanks, Fozzie. 
:'''Fozzie''': Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? ''See'' food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.

=== Adventures in Muppet-Sitting [4.15] ===
:'''Piggy''': I've always wanted to be a baby sitter!
:'''Fozzie''': Me too! Who gets to sit on him first?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In a Red Riding Hood parody]''
:'''Gonzo''': Grandma bought some swampland in the Dagobah system.

==Cast==
* [[w:Greg Berg|Greg Berg]] – [[w:Fozzie Bear|Baby Fozzie]], [[w:Scooter (Muppet)|Baby Scooter]], Dr. Julius Strangepork (archive footage)
* [[w:Barbara Billingsley|Barbara Billingsley]] – Nanny
* [[W:Dave Coulier|Dave Coulier]] (1986–1991) – [[W:Animal (Muppet)|Baby Animal]], [[w:Dr. Bunsen Honeydew|Baby Bunsen]], [[W:Bean Bunny|Baby Bean Bunny]], [[W:Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem#Janice|Baby Janice]], Uncle [[w:Statler and Waldorf|Statler and Waldorf]], [[W:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]] (occasionally)
* [[w:Katie Leigh|Katie Leigh]] – [[W:Rowlf the Dog|Baby Rowlf]], Mrs. Mitchell
* [[w:Howie Mandel|Howie Mandel]] (1984–1985) – Baby Skeeter, [[W:Animal (Muppet)|Baby Animal]], [[w:Dr. Bunsen Honeydew|Baby Bunsen]]
* [[w:Laurie O'Brien|Laurie O'Brien]] – [[w:Miss Piggy|Baby Piggy]]
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] – [[w:Gonzo the Great|Baby Gonzo]], [[w:Robin the Frog|Robin]], and [[w:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]] (occasionally), Aunt Fanny
* [[Frank Welker]] – [[w:Kermit the Frog|Baby Kermit]], [[w:Beaker (Muppet)|Baby Beaker]], Baby Skeeter (1986–1991), [[w:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]], The Chief Inspector of Scotland Yard

===Additional voices===
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] - [[w:Link Hogthrob|Link Hogthrob]] (archive footage)
* [[Peter Cullen]] – Smoggy the Bear (ep. 33), Football-Playing Bear (ep. 33)
* [[w:Pat Fraley|Pat Fraley]] - Announcer
* [[Jim Henson]] - [[w:Dr. Teeth|Dr. Teeth]] (archive footage, ep. 61)
* [[w:Hal Rayle|Hal Rayle]] - [[w:Miss Piggy|Miss Piggy]] (archive footage)
* Hank Saroyan - Himself
* Debra Toffan - Herself

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1980s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:CBS animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:The Muppets]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Courage the Cowardly Dog|Courage the Cowardly Dog Show]]''''' (1999–2002), also known as simply '''''Courage the Cowardly Dog''''', '''''Courage the Show''''', '''''Courage Show''''' or '''''Courage''''', is an American animated show about an easily frightened but still brave pink dog scientist named &quot;Courage&quot; who lives in a farmhouse with Muriel, a friendly and sweet-natured yet naive Scottish farmeress, and her husband Eustace, a grumpy, greedy farmer who regularly mistreats Courage and often refers to him as a stupid dog. Courage must constantly keep his owners and their home safe from various villains, monsters and supernatural phenomena.

==Season 1==
===''A Night at the Katz Motel'' [1.1a]=== 
:''[The episode opens at the Katz Motel]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[parks his truck with Muriel and Courage in tow]'' This looks like a crummy place to end a crummy vacation. ''[Thunder and lightning makes Courage scream and clings to Eustace. The family enters the lobby. The latter taps a service bell on the front desk thrice]''
:'''Katz''': Welcome to the Katz Motel. I'm Katz. Would you please sign in? No dogs allowed.
:'''Courage''': But... but... ''[whines as Eustace brings him outside]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh my...
:'''Eustace''': ''[Ties Courage's leash to a pole]'' KABOOM!!! ''[laughs, Muriel wacks him in the head with her purse]'' What did I do? Stupid dog.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Courage, don't worry, it's only for a short time. ''[kisses Courage before walking away]'' Goodnight, Courage.
:'''Courage''': Maybe a goodnight for you. You'll be in a warm bed.
:''[The scene cuts to a bathroom where Muriel mumbles a song while undressing]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[scratches his back]'' Can't wait to sleep in my own bed. Muriel. You hear me? ''(removes a part of the blanket to sit on the bed)'' Eh, what do you know? ''(lays on the bed and covers himself while mumbling quietly)'' ....bed... Ah. ''(starts snoring)''

''(Cuts to a black screen with the sound of a door being unlocked is heard. The light turns on to reveal 6 big spiders on a web inside an empty room)''

'''Katz''': My loves, dinner has arrived. Oh, and by the way, your web is such a mess. Clean it up, will you? 

''(Cuts to Eustace sleeping and snoring, then to a painting of a man above the bed. The eyes slide, as the yellow eyes of Katz look down upon Eustace)''

''(The scene cuts to Muriel getting ready to bathe, then the flow straightener of the tap slides to show the spying eye of Katz)''

''(The scene cuts again to Courage watching the shadow of Katz approaching the side of the Motel while still being hidden. Katz then puts a box down and carefully opens it. A spider crawls out and begins to advance towards Courage who howls)''

''(Courage screams. He uses a blowtorch, a chainsaw, an explosive chemical and finally uses his teeth to break the leash)''

'''Courage''': Yay! ''(runs away, as the spider stops near the leash)''

''(The scene cuts to Muriel bathing, as a spider emerges from the tap and falls into the bathtub)''

'''Muriel''': Finally, I can relax. ''(The spider gets closer to Muriel, then she notices it and screams)''

''(Cuts to Courage outside her motel room)''

'''Courage''': It's Muriel! She's in trouble! ''(tries to open the door)'' Muriel! Muriel!

''(As Muriel screams, Courage brings in a cannon while wearing a helmet. He aims it at the window, before getting inside of it)''

'''Courage''': I hope this works! ''(fires himself through the window and into the room, as he tosses the helmet on the ground while Muriel is still screaming)''

'''Muriel''': AHHHHH! Courage, go get help, hurry!

''(Cuts to Eustace sleeping, Courage enters the room and jumps on the bed)''

'''Courage''': WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

''(Uses a set of tubas and explodes a bag full of air, he returns to Muriel)''

'''Courage:''' OHHHH!

'''Muriel:''' Courage! Did you get any help?

''(The bed with Eustace in it flips, leading Eustace down into a hole)''

''(Courage returns to the bed where Eustace was, noticing that it's empty, and starts running into the motel hallway while screaming, then he gets into the office room)''

'''Courage''': Help! Help! Help! Where is everybody? ''(steps behind the counter and slowly opens a private door as he enters)''

''(Eustace is seen stuck to a giant web in the middle of the room, despite still sleeping while wrapped up in webs. Above him, is a spider crawls down)''

'''Courage''': ''(howls)'' What do I do? What do I do? ''(rips a plank from the floor and uses it to kill the spider, before taking Eustace. Before he can leave, Katz stands in front of the door)''

'''Katz''': Leaving so soon?

''(Courage howls again, before throwing Eustace at Katz)''

'''Katz''': I wish you hadn't done that.

''(Courage runs downstairs shouting and stops in front of a door)''

'''Courage''': Now, what do I do? Now, what do I do? ''(enters the room, which is pitch black)'' Oh no, it's dark in here! ''(turns on the light, revealing the massive spider collection and screams)''

''(Right outside, Katz is about to open the door before Courage pushes down the door on top of him as he runs)''

'''Katz''': I wish you hadn't done that.

''(Courage runs through a hallway while Katz follows him slowly, stopping in a room)''

'''Courage''': Oh no! ''(turns his head and watches Katz step out of the shadows)''

'''Katz''': There is no place to run and no place to hide.

''(Cuts to Muriel fighting a spider)''

''(Cuts back to Katz bouncing a ball)''

'''Katz''': A little sport before dying, dear boy?

'''Courage''': Do I have a choice?

''(Katz and Courage start playing wallball)''

''(Cuts to Muriel throwing the spider in the toilet, and she flushes it)''

''(It cuts back to Katz and Courage playing, then to Muriel drying off with a towel, back to Courage and Katz, to Muriel putting shoes on, then to Courage hitting a wall and Katz sipping tea peacefully]''
:'''Muriel:''' ''[getting dressed; sarcastic]'' What a fine way to end a vacation.
:'''Katz''': ''[reads a book while Courage struggles to win]'' Hmm, how lovely.
:'''Muriel''': ''[searches for Eustace in the bedroom]'' Now where's that man gone to?
:''[The scene cuts to Courage sweating and being exhausted while Katz is still playing, launches the ball, bounces off the wall, and strikes Courage in the head, making him fall]''
:'''Katz''': ''[walks over to Courage, looking down as he cracks his own head twice]'' Now you're going to learn why nobody ever checks out of the Katz Motel. ''[wraps his hand around Courage's throat and starts to laugh evilly as he pulls out a spider. Courage howls with fear and Katz is knocked out with a racket by Muriel as he drops the spider, which scurries away]''
:'''Muriel''': Come on, Courage. We're leaving. The service here stinks.  ''[The scene cuts to Muriel driving the family home, as Eustace is still sleeping while wrapped up in webs]'' That's a fancy blanket grandpa has on. Maybe we should get you one. ''[Courage screams]''

'''THE END'''

===''Cajun Granny Stew'' [1.1b]===
:''[An orange Cajun fox lives in a cave in the outskirts of Nowhere, cooking up a pot of granny stew]''
:'''Cajun Fox''': Oooh, wee! This is gonna be good. Cup of lizard lips. Pair of elephant ankles. Tablespoon of turtle eyes. Ooh, ooh. I can't wait to win first prize for my granny stew. And one cute little old granny. ''[closes the cookbook] WHAT?!'' I ain't got one of them. Well, ''[puts on a pair of sunglasses]'' I'll just have to get me one.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cajun Fox''': ''[after driving off the cliff]'' That dog is becoming a real pain in my… ''[sinks underwater; gurgling]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': This is all your fault!
:'''Cajun Fox''': My fault?!
:'''Courage''': Yeah, you're trying to make a stew out of her!
:'''Cajun Fox''': And a right GOOD one she gonna be!

===''Shadow of Courage'' [1.2a]===
:'''Eustace''': '''&lt;u&gt;&lt;big&gt;BOOGA!! BOOGA!! BOOGA!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/u&gt;'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': I don't know how to make it in show biz, but up there ''[looks to the sky]'' are the real stars.

===''Dr. Le Quack, Amnesia Specialist'' [1.2b]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, will you stop that noise?! You'll wake the neighbors!
:'''Eustace''': We ain't got no neighbors!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Le Quack''': ''[to Muriel, playing her sitar]'' You must be ''le'' patient. Ah, let the therapy begin. ''[takes off his mustache disguise]'' Now… you remember nothing? Good. Good. To help you remember, where is ''le'' silverware? Ah. ''[walks up to the cabinet and searches through the drawers, but finds nothing; clicks tongue]'' This is not working. Ooh, la, la. Then we'll ''get'' you to remember.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Le Quack, wearing a police uniform, is walking away from the destroyed police paddy wagon]''
:'''Le Quack''': ''[stops the iris out from closing]'' Wait, you have not seen the last of Le Quack. ''[laughs evilly, then the iris out closes on his beak]'' Ouch!

===''Courage Meets Bigfoot'' [1.3a]===

===''Hothead'' [1.3b]===
:'''Eustace''': You look good enough to me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Something smells fishy, or my name's Shlinken Hoffer. And it's not.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': &quot;'''WARNING''': When using, do not get angry, do not get mad, do not get upset, or else&quot;?
:'''Floyd''': Oh my.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Di Lung''': Watch where you're going, you fool.

===''Demon in the Mattress'' [1.4a]===
:'''Eustace''': ''[reading an exorcism incantation]'' Hullabaloo, and howdy doo. Musty prawns, and Timbucktu. Yeltsy-by, and hibbety-hoo. Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo. Kick 'em in the dishpan, hoo hoo hoo?

===''Freaky Fred'' [1.4b]===
:'''Eustace''':  That freak's not setting ''one'' freaky foot in this house.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred''': Hello new friend my name is Fred, the words you hear are in my head. I say, I said my name is Fred and I've been very...'''&quot;NAUGHTY&quot;.'''

===''Night of the Weremole'' [1.5a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Hmm, there's nothing to worry about. It's nothing at all. Nothing at all. The swelling is going to go down. To go down. Just keep soaking it. There's nothing to worry about. Just keep soaking it.
:'''Muriel''': ''[Courage stammers]'' Now, now, I don't want to be any trouble.
:'''Eustace''': Then you shouldn't have gotten bit. Come on, you stupid dog.
:'''Muriel''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Just keep soaking it.
:''[Back at the house… Courage and Eustace are watching TV in the living room, while Muriel is in the kitchen, soaking her hand in the sink for the swelling to go down; She then looks up at a full moon in the sky through the window, and starts shaking and moaning]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, you're missing your favorite show! Muriel! ''[grumbles; to Courage]'' Go find her.
:'''Courage''': Ahhhhh!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[turns around]'' Shh, I'm watching my favorite show.
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': ''[takes out a tongue depressor stick]'' Now, I want you to open your mouth and say, &quot;Ahh.&quot; ''[Muriel opens her mouth really wide with sharped teeth, bites him, and rapidly shakes him]''

===''Mother's Day'' [1.5b]===
:'''Eustace''': No, Ma. You always looked good to me.

===''The Duck Brothers'' [1.6a]===
:'''Courage''': ''[pressing the buttons on the mind-control remote, making Muriel struggle to get up, bumping into the walls, and walking on the ceiling]'' How does this thing work? Come on, come on!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Italian Cook''': Hey! Bring that duck back! What am I gonna serve?
:'''Courage''': Strudel.
:'''Italian Cook''': Oh, good idea.

===''Shirley the Medium'' [1.6b]===
:'''TV Commercial''': Shirley the Medium can put you in touch with the hereafter, so you all can live — and die — happily ever after.
:'''Muriel''': What a wonderful idea! We could hire Shirley! You and your brother can lay your troubles to rest once and for all.
:'''Eustace''':  Our differences are settled — he's dead and I ain't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': ''[looking into her crystal ball]'' I see... I see... I see... a yo-yo.
:'''Courage''': Yes.
:'''Shirley''': I see a yo-yo. It is under the sofa.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': The stupid one. He opened the box, yes?

===''King Ramses' Curse'' [1.7a]===
:''[Courage finds an Egyptian stone slab buried in the ground and brings it into the house]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. This looks very old. Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': Come look what Courage found. What do you suppose it could be?
:'''Eustace''': Well, judging by the markings and the obvious age of the relic, I'd have to say it would be...garbage! 
:'''Muriel''': Eustace!
:'''Eustace''': Garbage! From King Garbage of the Garbage Dynasty. Stupid dog. Always bringing garbage into the house.
:'''Newsman''': But the big story today… million-dollar slab stolen from the Tomb of King Ramses.
:'''Eustace''': Huh? I'm rich! 
:'''Muriel''': But the man said it was stolen, Eustace. We must return it to its rightful place.
:'''Eustace''': He said a million-dollar slab, and that means ''I'' get a million dollars. And you know what a million dollars means. That's right! New lawn chairs!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab. 
:'''Eustace''': What?
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab or suffer my curse.
:'''Eustace''': What's your offer?
:'''King Ramses''': This night, you will be visited by three plagues, each worse than the last. Return the slab.
:'''Eustace''': Huh. Nice try, professor. Who's he kidding? I can see the zipper on that cheap dime store costume.
:'''Courage''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': Courage, did you leave the tap running?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab.
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what are you waiting for? Till we're six feet under?
:'''Eustace''': ''[to King Ramses]'' All right, but a million's as low as I'll go.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': No, I can't believe I did that. It's mine! Huh? ''[to King Ramses]'' That's three plagues! You're out of ammo, mister! ''[snickers]'' And don't think you can come around here pushing no tote bags on us neither. What's your offer?
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab.
:''[Eustace screams when the swarm of locusts return and devours him; Next morning…]''
:'''Professor Frith''': ''[on TV]'' At last, the allegedly cursed slab has been returned to King Ramses' crypt, where it will remain buried in antiquity for all time.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, I wonder where Eustace is.
:''[Cut to the interior of King Ramses' crypt; The slab has been returned to its original state but the image of King Ramses has been replaced with  Eustace]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[echoing; offscreen]'' Aaaaaah! What's your offer?

===''The Clutching Foot'' [1.7b]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, is there something wrong?
:'''Eustace''': My foot! My foot!
:'''Muriel''': Oh! Looks like you've got a fungus. Don't worry, Eustace. I know some family remedies. ''[The next morning, she and Courage try to heal Eustace's foot with various objects like cactus thorns, lobsters, and a vat of acid]'' Oh, dear. There's just one thing left to do.
:'''Eustace''': Ain't going to no doctor.
:'''Muriel''': You really should, Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': I ain't going.
:'''Muriel''': It's as big as a cow. You have to go.
:'''Eustace''': Make me.
:'''Muriel''': Ah, suit yourself. But I think it's starting to fester.
:'''Eustace''': All I need is a nap.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Where is my Eustace? What have you done with my Eustace?!
:'''Big Toe''': Shut up, fat woman. You won't be needing your husband anymore, see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage places a sample from the foot fungus into the computer's drive for analysis]''
:'''Computer''': YUCH! PTOOIE! Nasty! There's only one cure for that. Dog spit. Work up a good drool, baby.

===''The Hunchback of Nowhere'' [1.8a]===
:''[As the Hunchback, Courage's new friend, is invited for pancakes for breakfast with Courage, Eustace enters the kitchen and screams at the Hunchback. He and Courage gasp]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh!
:'''Eustace''': Didn't I tell ya we got no place for the likes of you? Now get, and stay out!
:'''Muriel''': Now, Eustace, he is Courage's friend.
:'''Eustace''': That makes it worse!
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace, don't make such a fuss. Now sit down and eat your breakfast. I'll even get those little blueberries you like so much.

===''The Gods Must Be Goosey'' [1.8b]===
:''[A divine and muscular Goose God lives in the heavenly clouds above the Bagge farmhouse, desperately searching for a queen to propose]''
:'''Goose God''': ''[glumly]'' Empty. My heart is empty, and my clouds are full. ''[summons a lightning bolt and throws it at the windmill below, destroying it]'' A goose, a gander, a godly goosey gander, without love, is nothing but a fowl. ''[sadly sits in his throne chair]'' Without love, all of this is but puff and fluff and ''stuff. [honks in grief]''
:''[Courage and Muriel come out of the house and place two flower pots on the porch]''
:'''Muriel''': The coming rain should do these flowers good.
:'''Eustace''': ''[presses the horn on the truck's steering wheel while doing some repairs; annoyed]'' Darn horn.
:'''Muriel''': ''[calling out]'' Eustace? It'll be raining any minute now. You should come inside.
:''[Up in the heavens, the Goose God gazes down at Muriel and magically blooms the flower pot with flowers by sending down a ray of light, falling romantically in love with her]''
:'''Goose God''': ''[devoted]'' Oh, pure and formless beauty. Oh, light, oh, sky, oh, baby's breath. You have grown solid. You have grown real. You have grown fat. You have grown real fat, and your name is…
:'''Eustace''': Muriel? Muriel!
:'''Goose God''': Muriel. If letters be in order, let them be in such order as to spell...Muriel.
:'''Eustace''': Muriel! Where's my pliers?
:'''Goose God''': I am filled, full, and dizzy. I am…a stuffed goose. ''[sighs]'' If I gaze at her longer, I shall be consumed. Has ever a Goose God gazed upon such unfeathered beauty, immortal flesh? Does a Goose God pursue a mortal woman? Does one who calls the clouds home love one who must floss? Does a Goose God love a Muriel? Eh, I'll give it a shot.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goose God''': ''[hiding in a barrel, holding flowers and a box of candy]'' Flowers. Candy. They pale in the wake of her beauty. ''[throws them out of the barrel]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage babbles to Muriel as he points to the Goose God standing outside the door]''
:'''Muriel''': Now, Courage, it's not polite to point.
:'''Goose God''': Mortal woman, I am here to pronounce eternal love for you.
:'''Muriel''': And you pronounced it perfectly.
:'''Goose God''': You do not understand. I present to you an expression of my love. This gift. ''[magically summons an endless field of flowers and Courage growls]''
:'''Muriel''': Ah, that's sweet, but I'm spoken for.
:'''Courage''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Muriel''': But thank you. I've never had an endless field of flowers before. It's very flattering.
:''[Goose God sighs sadly and erases the endless flower field]''
:'''Eustace''': Who was that?
:'''Muriel''': It was an admirer who offered me a field of flowers and his eternal love.
:'''Eustace''': Oh. You seen my screwdriver?
:'''Courage''': That goose better not try to take Muriel away. ''[growls]'' It's true.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': One way or another, that goose has got to go.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goose God''': ''[heading over to Eustace's truck after hearing the sound of its horn]'' Oh, I have found you! I have found my true love! I have found my Queen!
:'''Courage''': ''[stammering]'' No. I am ''not'' his Queen.
:'''Goose God''': ''[lays on top of the truck's roof]'' Oh, speak to me again, my Queen. Make your sounds of love and longing.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[regains consciousness and sees the Goose God taking his truck up into the heavens to propose it as his queen]'' Heh? My truck!
:''[A few days later…]''
:'''Muriel''': ''[holding wedding invitations]'' Look, Courage. We've been invited to a wedding. The goose and Eustace's truck are going to get married.
:'''Eustace''': ''[sobbing and mourning over the loss of his truck]'' I'm nothing without my truck! Come back to me, truck! Come back!

===''Queen of the Black Puddle'' [1.9a]===
:''[Courage kicks the bathroom door open and he and Muriel find Eustace sticking his head in the bathtub drain while taking a bath]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. I'm beginning to worry about you, Eustace. Tomorrow, we're off to see the doctor. That's all there is to it.
:''[Later that night… while the Bagges and Courage are asleep, the Black Puddle Queen rises from the puddle, enters the house, and walks upstairs to their bedroom, and rattles the doorknob, only to find that it's locked, and slips under the door]''
:'''Courage''': ''[wakes up, screams, and hides under the covers]'' This can't be happening!
:'''Black Puddle Queen''': ''[walks over to Eustace's side of the bed]'' Eustace… ''[picks him up and carries him outside the house and disappears into the puddle]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': ''[walks up to the puddle; sighs]'' The things I do for love. ''[then notices the puddle is beginning to shrink]'' Hey, is this puddle getting smaller? It ''is'' getting smaller! I better hurry before it closes up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[hugging Eustace]'' You're back! Oh, Eustace, you're back. Where have you been? ''[hits him on the head with a rolling pin]''
:'''Eustace''': Ow! What did I do?

===''Everyone Wants to Direct'' [1.9b]===

===''The Snowman Cometh'' [1.10a]===
:'''Snowman''': The first frozen snowman. That's not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': That's what I tell him all the time. You stupid dog, you stupid dog. He don't do nothin' right.

===''The Precious, Wonderful, Adorable, Lovable Duckling'' [1.10b]===

===''Heads of Beef'' [1.11a]===
:''[Muriel is lying on the sofa, coming down with a fever]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[feeling his stomach rumbling]'' Where's my dinner? You were gonna make hamburgers.
:'''Courage''': ''[checking her temperature]'' Is there a doctor in the house?
:'''Muriel''': Ah, Courage, you're a dear.
:'''Eustace''': Well, I… If you ain't feeding me, I'm going out to get me something to eat.
:'''Muriel''': It would be lovely if you could bring me a scone from the Sweet Stuff bakery.
:'''Eustace''': ''[growls]'' Okay.
:'''Muriel''': Courage, could you go along? He ''always'' forgets to get the right thing.
:'''Courage''': Oh, I know I'm not going to like this. ''[Eustace ends up passing the bakery along the way]'' But, but, but…
:'''Eustace''': Shut it. Got to get me a hamburger first.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jean Bon''': What would you like?
:'''Eustace''': Burger-- Big and juicy.
:'''Jean Bon''': One burger-- Big and juicy. ''[gestures to Courage]'' What about him?
:'''Eustace''': A small one, smallest you got.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Where's my burger?
:'''Jean Bon''': Coming right up.
:'''Courage''': Something smells fishy, or my name is Stinky Lulu, and thank goodness, it's not.
:'''Jean Bon's Wife''': What a cute little dog. I could just eat him up.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jean Bon's Wife''': I still wanna sink my teeth into that cute little dog.

===''Klub Katz'' [1.11b]===
:'''Eustace''': No sir. Not getting out of this chair.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': The fresh air, the blue seas, the sky forever.
:'''Eustace''': Blah blah blah! Where's my chair?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid helicopter dog!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': Hey! That's my washing machine!
:'''Eustace''': Hey! That's my chair!

===''The Revenge of the Chicken from Outer Space'' [1.12a]===
:'''Eustace''': Get away from me! ''[goes back to sleep]'' Stupid dog. ''[Courage then bashes him repeatedly with Muriel's slipper; off-screen]'' OWWW! YOU ROTTEN DOG!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage and Muriel are sitting on the porch]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh! There's Eustace with my slipper.
:''[Eustace, headless and carrying Muriel's slipper, walks towards Courage and Muriel]''
:'''Courage''': ''[screams, then stops the iris out from closing]'' This ''still'' shouldn't happen to a dog. ''[The iris out closes on his nose]'' Ow!

===''Journey to the Center of Nowhere'' [1.12b]===

===''Little Muriel'' [1.13a]===
:'''Newsman''': This is the Nowhere Emergency Broadcast System. We interrupt this program with an emergency tornado watch. This is an emergency. Watch for a tornado.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my! A tornado! We better get to the cellar! ''[finds herself stuck to her chair; grunting]'' Oh, my! I'm stuck! Courage, I thought you used the quick-drying paint on the chair.
:'''Courage''': ''[reading the can]'' &quot;Quick-drying ''Glue?!&quot;'' Oh, no!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Little Muriel''': ''[after Courage makes Macaroni and Cheese]'' This stinks. I hate it this way.
:'''Courage''': What's wrong with it?
:'''Little Muriel''': Less cheese. More macaroni. Less macaroni. More cheese! More cheese and macaroni. TOO MUCH MACARONI! Ooh, perfect! I hate macaroni and cheese.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Okay, that's it. Go to your room.
:'''Little Muriel''': I don't wanna go to my room. ''[cries]''
:'''Courage''': Don't cry. It'll be okay. Okay?
:'''Little Muriel''': Guess what I found. BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA!

===''The Great Fusilli'' [1.13b]===
:'''Fusilli''': How now, brown cow.
:'''Courage''': Aaaaah! The things I do for love.

==Season 2==

===''The Magic Tree of Nowhere'' [2.1a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Tsk, tsk, tsk. This is the worst case of boli-boli I have ever seen.
:'''Eustace''': What?
:'''Courage''': No!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Instant Eel''': Oh, Danny Boy. The pipes, the pipes are calling.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Aha! Nothing to worry about. But, there's nothing I can do. ''[leaves the house]''
:''[Courage yanks on his ears, hops around, and howls in frustration]''
:'''Eustace''': This is all your fault, dog. You and that rotten tree. Now I gotta order take-out for breakfast. ''[picks Courage up and boots him out the front door]'' Stupid dog!

===''Robot Randy'' [2.1b]===

===''The Curse of Shirley'' [2.2a]===
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace, aren't you excited about your birthday party?
:'''Eustace''': Ain't gonna be no party.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Old Lady''': Excuse me, sir, but would you please help me across the street?
:'''Eustace''': You got legs, don't you? Help yourself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[mumbling while sleeping]'' There ain't no curse.
:'''Muriel''': ''[wakes up, seeing the rain cloud curse soaking up the bed; disgusted]'' Eustace!
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': The bed's getting soggy. If you can't do away with this curse, you're gonna have to sleep on the roof.
:''[Eustace is now sitting on the roof outside the house]''
:'''Eustace''': Bah. Ain't no such thing as curses. ''[wipes the rain from his glasses]'' No way, no how. ''[takes off his glasses and wipes them with a cloth, but is startled by lightning strikes from the cloud, causing his glasses to fly out of his hand and land on the edge of the roof]'' Hey! My glasses! No! I can't see! Where?! Where?! ''[sees a TV antenna]'' Huh? Muriel, is that you? ''[hallucinates the antenna as a wiry monster, then rubs his eyes]'' You're not Muriel! ''[starts wrestling with the antenna as Courage comes up with a blanket]'' Get off my roof! I don't know who you are! ''[sees Courage]'' Huh? Huh? ''[hallucinates him as a giant, sharp-toothed fish, then growls in rage]'' No solicitors! ''[charges towards Courage, who screams in fear, and grabs him by the throat]'' Now you get! We don't want any! ''[throws Courage off the roof]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage, Muriel, Ma Bagge, and Dr. Vindaloo are all in the dining room to celebrate Eustace's birthday party, but he's still on the roof]''
:'''Muriel''': Rain or no rain, that man should really come to his own birthday party. ''[calling him through the stove]'' Eustace, get down here this instant! ''[Eustace is removing some mushrooms that are growing on his body; through chimney pipe]'' Eustace, did you hear me? What are you doing up there?!
:'''Eustace''': Huh? ''[hallucinates the chimney pipe as a snake]''
:'''Muriel''': Your guests are waiting!
:'''Eustace''': No solicitors. Especially at this hour! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?! ''[rips off a piece of roof plank, then charges towards the chimney pipe and dives in it; then comes out of the stove, scaring everyone while covered in soot]''
:''[Courage hides behind Muriel and Ma and Dr. Vindaloo run out of the house]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. ''[annoyed]'' Now see what you went and done, Eustace?! You scared off your guests!
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': And you're leaving a ring on the floor! ''[holds out a coaster]'' Here, stand on this coaster.
:'''Eustace''': ''[retorting]'' You can't fool me! ''[hallucinates her as a monster]'' Who? You're not Muriel! ''[grabs her and pins her down on the floor]'' One, two, three, I win!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': The stupid one. He's stupid, right?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': You know, Eustace. You should thank Courage for getting rid of that curse.
:'''Eustace''': ''[takes the thermometer out of his mouth and notices Courage wearing his hat]'' What you doing with my hat, dog? Bah! ''[snatches the hat from Courage and puts it on his own head, causing the rain cloud curse to reappear]'' Bah! There ain't no such thing as a curse. ''[gets struck by lightning]'' Bah!

===''Courage in the Big Stinkin' City'' [2.2b]===

===''Family Business'' [2.3a]===
:'''Basil''': Zip your mouth shut, dag. Or I'll be fishing you again, I will. ''

===''1000 Years of Courage'' [2.3b]===

===''Courage Meets the Mummy'' [2.4a]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[pouring a cup of tea for Professor Frith and offers it to him]'' This should make you feel better, Mr. Frith. Now, tell us what happened to you, you poor man.
:'''Professor Frith''': What's happened to me isn't important. What's important is what might happen to you and what happened thousands of years ago. The clothing in this sack tells the story. ''[takes the Mayan princess' outfit out of his sack]'' This belonged to a Mayan princess a long time ago. The princess loved cookies. Each day, the royal baker would whip up a jar full of cookies for the princess. The cookie jar was (then) brought to the princess by her most trusted royal Poohbah. And before he would give the cookies, the greedy Poohbah would steal cookies from the jar and sell them for his own profit. One day, the baker caught the Poohbah and went to tell the princess, but the Poohbah got to her first. The Poohbah presented the princess with cookie jars that were only half-full, and said the ''baker'' was stealing the missing cookies. The princess was outraged, and ordered the baker to have his mouth sewn shut, his eyebrows plucked, and his body mummified (as punishment). Most unpleasant. ''[chuckles]'' That baker is now a centuries-old mummy. And he's risen. And he's seeking revenge. And he's on his way to this very spot at this very moment.
:'''Muriel''': Why here? Why us?
:'''Professor Frith''': ''[takes out a scroll from his sack and opens it]'' Here is an ancient drawing of the princess and the Poohbah.
:''[Eustace and Muriel gasp in surprise, seeing that they look just them]''
:'''Muriel''': They look just like we do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[offering Muriel a jar of cookies]'' Here, my princess, is your daily supply of royal cookies.
:'''Muriel''': Thank you, most trusted royal Poohbah. ''[opens the lid; sniffs]'' Oh, they smell heavenly. My compliments to the royal baker.
:'''Eustace''': Yeah, yeah, compliments, sure.
:'''Muriel''': ''[looks inside the jar and sees there are no cookies]'' Hmm.
:'''Eustace''': Something wrong, your princess-ness?
:'''Muriel''': There seems to be some cookies missing from the royal cookie jar. Royal Poohbah, do you know who could be responsible for such a terrible crime?
:'''Eustace''': Ain't me. Got me sugarcane.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Muriel''': It was you all along, no-longer-trusted Poohbah. I order you to have your lips sewn shut, your eyebrows plucked, and the rest of you mummified! ''[Eustace screams in defeat; to the mummified baker]'' Sorry, royal baker. I goofed. You're exonerated of the crimes of which you are accused.

===''Invisible Muriel'' [2.4b]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[enters the kitchen]'' Eustace, I'll get to making dinner, as soon as I'm done cooking that batch of my special secret recipe, Blue Ribbon dog food. ''[Eustace spits in disgust, pulls out his tongue, and scrubs it with a brush]'' This batch is for the county dog food contest.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Muriel eats her pancakes, completely invisible, visibly showing the chewing]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, close your mouth when you chew.

===''Human Habitrail'' [2.5a]===
:'''Old Lady Inside Vacuum Cleaner''': Let me lay down the ground rules: This is my half of the lint, that's your half of the lint. Remember that and we won't have no trouble.

===''Mission to the Sun'' [2.5b]===
:'''Eustace''': Lousy, stinkin' tube food! ''[tastes the tube food]'' Hey, this ain't half bad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid space!

===''Courage the Fly'' [2.6a]===
:'''Di Lung''': ''[after turning Courage into a fly]'' I don't think so. Supposed to be buffalo. Don't know how, but I go back and work on problem. Should be buffalo...Fly...I don't think so.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': I don't know why I'm doing this. But I like it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[presses the fly-paper into Muriel's face]'' Muriel, your face keeps getting in the way! ''[accidentally rips off her face as it's stuck to the fly-paper]'' You ruined my good fly-paper!
:'''Muriel''': ''[threateningly]'' Eustace, put my face back where it belongs, or it's cold cuts for dinner! ''[Eustace places her face back on her head, but in upside-down; annoyingly unamused]'' Oh, you are cheeky. ''[Eustace rotates her face back to its right side up position; she then bashes him on the head with a rolling pin, making sure he never does that again]''
:'''Eustace''': OW!!! ''[dizzily]'' What did I do?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid dog-fly!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Di Lung''': ''[after turning the general and lieutenant into buffalos] I make you different!

===''Katz Kandy'' [2.6b]===
:'''Eustace''': Stupid water.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': Second place. Second place. I'm quite tired of second place. Second place is no place as far as I'm concerned. This year, '''''I''''' will win the Nowhere Sweet Stuff Contest. First prize will be mine.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': So good of you to come. I hope you found my jam ''tasty. [chuckles evilly]''
:'''Muriel''': What do you want with us?
:'''Katz''': You see, dear lady and dog, it's been my misfortune to place second year after year in the Nowhere Sweet Stuff Contest. Sad, isn't it?
:'''Muriel''': If it's the secret ingredient in my caramel-coated apples you're wanting, you're out of luck.

===''Nowhere TV'' [2.7a]===
:'''Le Quack''': ''[finds Courage in the bag after getting a single dollar bill]'' You pesky little dog. I thought I got rid of you. ''[strangles him by the throat, choking him]'' What have you done with ''le'' money?! ''[Courage pokes him in the eyes and runs off]'' Ouch! Ooh, la, la! ''[growls, then chases after him into a room full of televisions]'' I have you now, you dirty little dog.

===''Mega Muriel the Magnificent'' [2.7b]===
:''[Courage watches the Computer, possessing Muriel's body, about to launch out of a big cannon on the TV in horror]''
:'''Newsman''': She's fearless. She's amazing. She's Mega Muriel the Magnificent!

===''Bad Hair Day'' [2.8a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': I was confused by my submarine.

&lt;hr width-50%&gt;
:'''Ma Bagge''': Now, Courage, come to Ma like a good doggy.

&lt;hr width-50%&gt;
:''[Muriel is sipping tea as Courage uses tweezers to pull out hair from her legs. Eustace arrives home, covered from head to toe in hair, laughing]''
:'''Muriel''': Eustace! What happened to you?
:'''Eustace''': ''[pulls out stacks of money, happily]'' Money! ''[starts laughing]''

===''Forbidden Hat of Gold'' [2.8b]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[reading the poem sign] '''&quot;Whomever steps inside this place, must vanity and greed erase. For if you're vain, well, that's no good. Signed, all of us who wear a hood. P.S.: We warned you.&quot;'''''
:'''Eustace''': Gobbledygook.
:'''Muriel''': Sounds like people who love themselves and their money more than anything else aren't welcome here.
:'''Eustace''': Big deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[coming across the golden hat]'' It's beautiful! I'd sure look good wearing that hat. ''[imagines himself wearing the hat and in a pile of gold and cash; laughs as he reaches his hand for the hat, but Muriel smacks it away]'' OW!
:'''Muriel''': Can't you read? ''[points to a sign, reading…] '''&quot;Do not touch.&quot;'''''
:'''Eustace''': Nope. ''[chuckles and takes the golden hat, ignoring the sign]''
:''[The cave suddenly starts to rumble and crumble]''
:'''Muriel''': Now see what you went and done, Eustace?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[After being turned to ashes by the effects of the golden hat]'' Stupid hat!

===''Serpent of Evil River'' [2.9a]===

===''The Transplant'' [2.9b]===
:'''Muriel''': Oh, you are cheeky. ''[annoyingly smacks Professor Frith in the face]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Courage has transformed into a kangaroo monster and faces off against Eustace in Paris, France to save Muriel]''
:'''Courage''': Put Muriel down!
:'''Eustace''': Make me!

===''Car Broke, Phone Yes'' [2.10a]===

===''Cowboy Courage'' [2.10b]===

===''Evil Weevil'' [2.11a]===

===''McPhearson Phantom'' [2.11b]===
:''[While Muriel folds the last shirt, Courage is relaxing inside a wash basket]''
:'''Muriel''': Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Ah, the power of doing housework. ''[puts the last shirt on top of the three shirts she had already folded. Eustace, wearing a towel, walks into the room. He grabs his shirt that was underneath the three shirts Muriel had folded and pulls it out, causing the three shirts to fall to the floor; annoyed]'' Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': Uh, sorry. You had the pile upside down.
:''[As Muriel picks up the three shirts, Eustace takes off his towel and starts to put on his shirt. Muriel starts to fold a shirt]''
:'''Muriel''': Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards.
:''[Eustace starts to button his shirt, but his arms are telekinetically pulled straight down and bended backwards and his back is telekinetically bended backwards. Courage gasps in horror]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, you folded me clothes too tight. What are you trying to do to me?
:'''Muriel''': I didn't do anything different, just the usual wash and fluff and fold. Must be the new detergent I'm using.
:''[Eustace grumbles angrily. He uses his feet to push himself up and walks out while muttering to himself. Courage and Muriel watch on]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[While Eustace reads his newspaper, Muriel polishes his shoes]''
:'''Muriel''': Beautiful. A good shine can make an old woman look young again.
:'''Eustace''': ''[lowers his newspaper]'' Ain't nothing gonna make you young again. ''[puts down his newspaper]'' So just give me my shoes.
:'''Muriel''': ''[gets up and gives Eustace his shoes]'' Here you are, ''[Eustace takes his shoes from her]'' crabby.
:'''Eustace''': ''[puts on his shoes]'' Eh, who needs them polished anyway? Just gonna get scuffed. Stupid as showering.''[Courage is gnawing on an anchor when Eustace's shoes explode]'' Muriel! What are you trying to do to me? ''[grabs his leg]'' Next time you wanna blow up my shoes, take 'em out back!
:'''Muriel''': But I shined them just like always. Maybe they've changed the shoe polish formula.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Eustace is standing outside when Muriel comes out with his hat]''
:'''Muriel''': There it is for you, Eustace. I steamed it and blocked it, like always. ''[gives Eustace his hat]''
:''[Courage comes outside sniffing]''
:'''Eustace''': Thanks. ''[takes his hat from Muriel and puts it on his head, but the two chickens that were inside the hat start pecking on Eustace's head. Eustace runs around screaming in pain]''
:''[Courage and Muriel watch on]''
:'''Muriel''': Must be something new they're putting in the steam.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Muriel is sitting with Courage on the rocking chair]''
:'''Muriel''': Some therapist she is. If only we had someone here who could really help.
:''[Courage gets an idea. He runs upstairs]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage is in the attic, typing on the computer]''
:'''Computer''': You want to be a licensed therapist? A twit like you? ''[Courage types on the keyboard repeatedly]'' Okay. Don't get testy. I happen to be certified to certify. Just answer these questions and you'll have your license.
:'''Courage''': Mm-hm.
:'''Computer''': One: How do you spell, &quot;our time is up, pay me lots of money?&quot; ''[Courage types on the keyboard repeatedly]'' There's no Q in Cincinnati. Twerp. Next question: If Johnny has three apples and Davey has two apples, why don't they just shut up and eat?
:''[Courage is unsure on how to answer the question]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage is in the attic]''
:'''Computer''': Congratulations. You are now a fully licensed therapist. ''[the printer prints out a therapist license, which Courage takes out and looks at. He runs out]'' Word of advice. Just keep nodding and don't say anything. And so Western civilization crumbles.

===''The House of Discontent'' [2.12a]===
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': GET OUT.
:'''Muriel''': Well that's not very polite!
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': You didn't let me finish.
:'''Muriel''': I'm sorry.
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': It's time to hit the road.
:'''Muriel''': Well, that's not much better!

----
:'''Eustace''': I'm a farmer! Farmer, farmer, farmer! Ain't stubborn! Ain't, ain't, ain't!

----
:'''Eustace''': At least I got arms and legs, you don't even got a neck. Ha ha ha!
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': Get out of my face.
:'''Eustace''': Make me.
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': Wait until midnight comes around.

===''The Sand Whale Strikes'' [2.12b]===
:'''Sand Whale''': You're trying to cheat me like you cheated me before, lckett Bagge. You won that accordion off me in a crooked card game a long time ago and I want it back.
:'''Eustace''': Naw. I ain't lckett, I ain't got no accordion, and I don't wanna be talking to no whale.

===''The Tower of Dr. Zalost'' [2.13]===
:'''Dr. Zalost''': What's the good of having all the money in the world if it doesn't bring any happiness? And if I'm not happy, no one deserves to be happy.

==Season 3==

===''Muriel Meets Her Match'' [3.1a]===
:'''Muriel''': I guess the only thing I can see without my glasses is Eustace's big shiny head.

===''Courage vs. Mecha-Courage'' [3.1b]===
:'''Di Lung''': ''[laughs]'' I told you I built better dog. Why You No give up?! Dog! You no good, give me up dog! No Good!

===''Campsite of Terror'' [3.2a]===
:'''Di Lung''': Get rich quick! It works REAL great, I did it, and so can you! All you have to do to learn the secret of my success is send me money! Thats right, it's as simple as that, get out your checkbook, credit card and wallet and send them to ME! When I came to this country, three weeks ago, I only had a nickel. Now I own three apartment buildings and a fleet of limousines!

===''Record Deal'' [3.2b]===

===''Stormy Weather'' [3.3a]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[comes out of the house, seeing Courage playing with the Storm Goddess; surprised]'' Oh, isn't that lovely? Courage, you've made a friend. ''[Courage shakes his head in denial that the Storm Goddess is not his friend]'' Please, come in and have a cup of tea.
:'''Storm Goddess''': I'd love to. ''[enters the house as Courage moans worriedly]'' You know, Muriel, the life of a goddess isn't always so heavenly.
:'''Muriel''': No, I suppose being a storm goddess isn't easy.
:'''Storm Goddess''': Oh, it's just... I've lost my precious dog, Duncan.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. I know just how you feel. If I ever lost Courage, I don't know what I'd do.
:'''Storm Goddess''': Actually, your dog reminds me of Duncan. ''[takes out a locket and opens it with a photo of Duncan]'' Isn't the resemblance uncanny?
:'''Muriel''': Oh, yes. They look exactly alike.
:'''Storm Goddess''': I miss him so much. ''[sighs sadly]''

===''The Sandman Sleeps'' [3.3b]===
===''Hard Drive Courage'' [3.4a]===

===''The Ride of the Valkyries'' [3.4b]===
:'''Eustace''': Idiot TV! Talk normal!

===''Scuba Scuba Doo'' [3.5a]===

===''Conway the Contaminationist'' [3.5b]===

===''Katz Under the Sea'' [3.6a]===

===''Curtain of Cruelty'' [3.6b]===
:'''Mayor''': ''[as Eustace passes him while chasing Courage]'' What's that crazy man chasing that sweet little dog for? Do we want a mayor like that?!
:'''Townspeople''': NO!
:'''Mayor''': Arrest and reeducate him!

===''Feast of the Bullfrogs'' [3.7a]===
:'''Eustace''': Lousy stinkin' frogs! I'm getting me mallet!

===''Tulip's Worm'' [3.7b]===

===''So in Louvre Are We Two'' [3.8a]===
:'''Guard''': You must not enter ''le'' museum now, Madame. It is only five minutes until closing.
:'''Eustace''': Good. I'm tired.
:'''Muriel''': But I've got to see the Mona Lisa. My mother always said Mona and I were like twins. Don't you agree?
:'''Guard''': ''[groans]'' You look ''nothing'' like the Mona Lisa, and I give you five minutes to go see for yourself. Stupid America.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[seeing the Mona Lisa on the wall]'' Look! There she is. The most famous painting in the world. All because of her mysterious smile. I want to get a picture of me and the Mona Lisa.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Hey, stupid dog. ''[grabs Courage by the ears and drags him over to the sculpture of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker]'' Take a picture of me with this idiot. &quot;The Thinker,&quot; huh? I know what he's thinking. &quot;How come there's no TV set?&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': I want to see Mona one more time.

===''Night of the Scarecrow'' [3.8b]===
:''[Courage, Muriel, and Eustace get stuck in a cornfield ditch after leaving a county fair and ended up getting attacked by a flock of crows]''
:'''Eustace''': Must be stuck in a ditch! ''[pounds the wheel, grumbling in frustration]''
:'''Muriel''': Now, Eustace, getting all unhinged isn't going to help. Like my Aunt Gertrude always said... ''[screams in terror when she sees something coming towards them]''
:''[A black creature appears in the cornfield, groaning, and banging its fists rapidly on the truck's hood]''
:'''Eustace''': Hey, you! ''[presses the horn, scaring the creature, revealing to be a scarecrow that was carried by a pack of crows after they fly away, and it lands on top of the hood, causing him and Muriel to scream in fear]''

===''Mondo Magic'' [3.9a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': I am no longer a head of lettuce!

===''Watch the Birdies'' [3.9b]===
:'''Eustace''': Where's my breakfast, woman? I'm starving to death!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': I like to feed the birdies to the cats!

===''Fishy Business'' [3.10a]===

===''Angry Nasty People'' [3.10b]===

===''Dome of Doom'' [3.11a]===
:'''Eustace''': Food? Food? I need food! Where's my lunch?
:'''Muriel''': Right here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Ingredients: Hornets, Pythons, Piranhas!? OH, NO!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Want more... food. AAAH! Oh, wicket! Where's my dinner?

===''Snowman's Revenge'' [3.11b]===
:'''The Snowman''': Ah. Tutti frutti.

===''The Quilt Club'' [3.12a]===

===''Swindlin' Wind'' [3.12b]===

===''King of Flan'' [3.13a]===
:'''Eustace''': What happened to you, woman? You look like a house!
:'''Muriel''': ''[offended]'' Look who's calling the kettle black.

===''Courage Under the Volcano'' [3.13b]===

==Season 4==

===''A Beaver's Tale'' [4.1a]===

===''The Nutcracker'' [4.1b]===

===''Rumpledkiltskin'' [4.2a]===

===''House Calls'' [4.2b]===

===''Le Quack Balloon'' [4.3a]===
:''[Courage is helping Muriel bake Scottish dream cookies while is Eustace is looking everywhere for his glasses]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[entering the kitchen; blindsided]'' Muriel! You seen my glasses?! ''[whacks the tub of butter out of Courage's hand and it falls on him, covering him in butter]''
:'''Muriel''': No, I haven't. Did you misplace 'em?
:'''Eustace''': ''[grumbling]'' Yes, I misplaced them! ''[bumping into objects]'' Oww!
:'''Muriel''': Courage you better help Eustace find his glasses. Be his guide dog. We wouldn't want him to lose his way.
:'''Eustace''': ''[retorting]'' Get away from me!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Le Quack''': Le Quack is back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage and Eustace catch up to Le Quack's hot air balloon as they reach New York]''
:'''Eustace''': Where are we now?

===''Windmill Vandals'' [4.3b]===

===''The Uncommon Cold'' [4.4a]===
:''[Muriel is coming down with a terrible cold and is sneezing uncontrollably]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[getting eggs on his face as Muriel sneezes]'' What are you trying to do?! Get ''me'' sick?! Oh! ''[eats the eggs with no concern]''
:'''Muriel''': I'm sorry, Eustace. This is the worst cold I've ever… ''[starts to sneeze again]''

===''Farmer Hunter, Farmer Hunted'' [4.4b]===
:'''Eustace''': I ain't useless! I'm Eustace!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Father Deer''': Every hunting season it's the same thing. We can't take it anymore. I'm gonna put an end to our living in fear. I'm ''going'' hunting! ''[holds his gun]'' A deer's gotta do what a deer's gotta do.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': You know, Courage, that deer reminds me a wee bit of Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': I'm a deer! Useless the deer!

===''Bride of Swamp Monster'' [4.5a]===

===''Goat Pain'' [4.5b]===

===''Muriel Blows Up'' [4.6a]===
:'''Muriel''': And now, I have the strangest feeling I'm not going to explode at all. ''[burps up a bloated Courage, and he lands on the ground with a thud; shrinks to her normal size]'' Oh, my.
:'''Eustace''': Hey! Who's got my carrot?! ''[Courage belches, laughs, and grows giant-sized; annoyed]'' You dumb dog.
:'''Courage''': Oh, no! ''[runs off]''
:'''Eustace''': Come back here with my carrot! ''[chases after him]''

===''Profiles in Courage'' [4.6b]===

===''The Mask'' [4.7]===
:'''Kitty''': Dogs are evil.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mad Dog''': I take you from a two-bit joint and make you a class act, and you want to make me second rate? If I even SMELL Kitty, I'll bury the two of you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace. I'm sorry for all the terrible things I said.
:'''Eustace''': That's okay Muriel, nobody's perfect.
:''[They embrace]''
:'''Muriel''': I wonder where Courage has run off to.
:'''Eustace''': Who cares?

===''Squatting Tiger, Hidden Dog'' [4.8a]===
:'''Di Lung''': This not acupuncture, this de-boning, I'm taking out your bones.

===''Muted Muriel'' [4.8b]===
:'''Muriel''': I've had it with you not caring what I think or say!
:'''Eustace''': They should make a remote that shuts off people!
:'''Muriel''': Don't worry, I'm shutting myself off! I'm not speaking anymore, listen to the TV all you want. You won't be hearing from me again! ''[Courage tries to protest]'' Sorry, Courage. My voice isn't welcome in this house, so I'm keeping my thoughts to myself.
:'''Eustace''': What? I wasn't listening.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Hey, stupid dog, Muriel talking yet?
:'''Courage''': Mm-mm.
:'''Eustace''': Well go get her to talk, dog! I wanna know if she's gonna make me breakfast!

===''Aqua-Farmer'' [4.9a]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what took you so long?
:'''Eustace''': We had to work out a deal for the rematch. If I lose, you're gonna have to pack up your things and move in with the dolphin, and be his sidekick.
:'''Muriel''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, dear. ''[has a thought bubble about living with Jojo as a mermaid]''
:'''Courage''': ''[horrified]'' No!

===''Food of the Dragon'' [4.9b]===

===''Last of the Starmakers'' [4.10a]===
:''[Courage and Muriel watch the mother Starmaker transform into a beautiful lush garden with flowers and bushes as her body disintegrates into the ground after her babies hatched and float into space]''
:'''Muriel''': How lovely. She's becoming a garden. From making stars above, to making flowers on the Earth. Now that's the mystery of life it is.

===''Son of the Chicken from Outer Space'' [4.10b]===

===''Courageous Cure'' [4.11a]===

===''Ball of Revenge'' [4.11b]===
:'''Eustace''': Courage, Courage, Courage! That stupid dog gets all the good stuff around here! I hate that dumb dog!
:'''Muriel''': Oh, don't you fret, Courage. He doesn't hate you. ''[pats Courage on the head as he whimpers sadly, thinking Eustace hurt his feelings]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[walks into the kitchen and picks up the phone]'' Time for that dog to git... for good! Operator, I'm gonna need a few numbers. ''[chuckles evilly]''
:''[Later that evening… Katz, Le Quack, Cajun Fox, the Weremole, the Black Puddle Queen, and the Clutching Foot are all assembled and gathered in the basement, sitting at a table]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[sitting in the head chair]'' Well, I'm a man of few words. So, let's just get down to the nitty gritty. What are we here for?
:'''Villains''': Revenge!
:'''Eustace''': ''[snickers sinisterly]'' And who are we going to destroy?
:'''Villains''': That stupid dog!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what's all the ruckus?
:'''Eustace''': What ruckus?
:'''Villains''': Destroy the stupid dog!
:'''Eustace''': Eh...
:'''Cajun Fox''': Lie, man, lie.
:'''Eustace''': That's my friends. It's a men's club. And no dogs allowed.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage runs down to the basement, sees Muriel above the boiling cauldron, and screams, and the Clutching Foot pins him down with his toes]''
:'''Big Toe''': Remember us?
:'''Pinky Toe''': Yeah, remember us?
:''[The other villains come forward and glare down at Courage]''
:'''Courage''': ''[horrified]'' Oh, no!
:'''Big Toe''': You licked us good, see?
:'''Cajun Fox''': Cooked us good, too. Remember that?
:'''Muriel''': Oh. What are you gonna do to my Courage?
:'''Big Toe''': Now we're gonna put the squeeze on you, see?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Courage, what big lungs you have.

===''Cabaret Courage'' [4.12a]===
:'''Di Lung''': Watch where you going, you fool!

===''Wrath of the Librarian'' [4.12b]===

===''Remembrance of Courage Past'' [4.13a]===
:''[Flashback to the first time Courage met Muriel]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh my. Poor thing, out here all alone... what courage you have. Would you like to come home with me?
:''[Courage cries in joy]''
:'''Muriel''': I'll call you Courage, we'll have a grand time.
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;May I talk with the two of you for a moment? In private?&quot;
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;I know just what to do with the dog, but I like to have a moment with him, alone.&quot;
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;Ready for the trip? It's your turn now!&quot;

===''Perfect'' [4.13b]===

==Opening==
:'''Narrator''': We interrupt this program to bring you...Courage the Cowardly Dog Show, starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog! Abandoned as a pup, he was found by Muriel, who lives in the middle of nowhere with her husband, Eustace Bagge.
:'''Eustace''': GAH!
:'''Narrator''': But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere. It's up to Courage to save his new home!
:''[TV turns off]''
:'''Eustace''': Stupid dog! You made me look bad! ''[angrily puts on mask]'' OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
:'''Courage''': AHHHHHHHHH!!!

==Cast==
*[[w:Marty Grabstein|Marty Grabstein]] - Courage Bagge the Cowardly Dog
*[[w:Thea White|Thea White]] - Farmeress Muriel Bagge
*[[w:Lionel Wilson|Lionel Wilson]] - Farmer Eustace Bagge (Seasons 1-3)
*[[w:Arthur Anderson (voice actor)|Arthur Anderson]] - Farmer Eustace Bagge (Seasons 3-4)
*[[w:Simon Prebble|Simon Prebble]] - Fear the Forceful Old-School Computer
*[[w:Paul Schoeffler|Paul Schoeffler]] - Dr. Vindaloo, Katz, Le Quack, Nowhere Newsman, Snowman, Cajun Fox, Freaky Fred
*[[w:Billie Lou Watt|Billie Lou Watt]] - Ma Bagge
*[[w:Duncan Brannan|Duncan Brannan]] - The Magic Tree, Horst Bagge
*[[w:Allen Swift|Allen Swift]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0220880|title=Courage the Cowardly Dog}}

[[Category:1990s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
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'''''[[w:Courage the Cowardly Dog|Courage the Cowardly Dog Show]]''''' (1999–2002), also known as simply '''''Courage the Cowardly Dog''''', '''''Courage the Show''''', '''''Courage Show''''' or '''''Courage''''', is an American animated show about an easily frightened but still brave and genius pink dog scientist named &quot;Courage&quot; who lives in a farmhouse with Muriel, a friendly and sweet-natured yet naive Scottish farmeress, and her husband Eustace, a grumpy, greedy farmer who regularly mistreats Courage and often refers to him as a stupid dog. Courage must constantly keep his owners and their home safe from various villains, monsters and supernatural phenomena.

==Season 1==
===''A Night at the Katz Motel'' [1.1a]=== 
:''[The episode opens at the Katz Motel]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[parks his truck with Muriel and Courage in tow]'' This looks like a crummy place to end a crummy vacation. ''[Thunder and lightning makes Courage scream and clings to Eustace. The family enters the lobby. The latter taps a service bell on the front desk thrice]''
:'''Katz''': Welcome to the Katz Motel. I'm Katz. Would you please sign in? No dogs allowed.
:'''Courage''': But... but... ''[whines as Eustace brings him outside]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh my...
:'''Eustace''': ''[Ties Courage's leash to a pole]'' KABOOM!!! ''[laughs, Muriel wacks him in the head with her purse]'' What did I do? Stupid dog.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Courage, don't worry, it's only for a short time. ''[kisses Courage before walking away]'' Goodnight, Courage.
:'''Courage''': Maybe a goodnight for you. You'll be in a warm bed.
:''[The scene cuts to a bathroom where Muriel mumbles a song while undressing]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[scratches his back]'' Can't wait to sleep in my own bed. Muriel. You hear me? ''(removes a part of the blanket to sit on the bed)'' Eh, what do you know? ''(lays on the bed and covers himself while mumbling quietly)'' ....bed... Ah. ''(starts snoring)''

''(Cuts to a black screen with the sound of a door being unlocked is heard. The light turns on to reveal 6 big spiders on a web inside an empty room)''

'''Katz''': My loves, dinner has arrived. Oh, and by the way, your web is such a mess. Clean it up, will you? 

''(Cuts to Eustace sleeping and snoring, then to a painting of a man above the bed. The eyes slide, as the yellow eyes of Katz look down upon Eustace)''

''(The scene cuts to Muriel getting ready to bathe, then the flow straightener of the tap slides to show the spying eye of Katz)''

''(The scene cuts again to Courage watching the shadow of Katz approaching the side of the Motel while still being hidden. Katz then puts a box down and carefully opens it. A spider crawls out and begins to advance towards Courage who howls)''

''(Courage screams. He uses a blowtorch, a chainsaw, an explosive chemical and finally uses his teeth to break the leash)''

'''Courage''': Yay! ''(runs away, as the spider stops near the leash)''

''(The scene cuts to Muriel bathing, as a spider emerges from the tap and falls into the bathtub)''

'''Muriel''': Finally, I can relax. ''(The spider gets closer to Muriel, then she notices it and screams)''

''(Cuts to Courage outside her motel room)''

'''Courage''': It's Muriel! She's in trouble! ''(tries to open the door)'' Muriel! Muriel!

''(As Muriel screams, Courage brings in a cannon while wearing a helmet. He aims it at the window, before getting inside of it)''

'''Courage''': I hope this works! ''(fires himself through the window and into the room, as he tosses the helmet on the ground while Muriel is still screaming)''

'''Muriel''': AHHHHH! Courage, go get help, hurry!

''(Cuts to Eustace sleeping, Courage enters the room and jumps on the bed)''

'''Courage''': WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

''(Uses a set of tubas and explodes a bag full of air, he returns to Muriel)''

'''Courage:''' OHHHH!

'''Muriel:''' Courage! Did you get any help?

''(The bed with Eustace in it flips, leading Eustace down into a hole)''

''(Courage returns to the bed where Eustace was, noticing that it's empty, and starts running into the motel hallway while screaming, then he gets into the office room)''

'''Courage''': Help! Help! Help! Where is everybody? ''(steps behind the counter and slowly opens a private door as he enters)''

''(Eustace is seen stuck to a giant web in the middle of the room, despite still sleeping while wrapped up in webs. Above him, is a spider crawls down)''

'''Courage''': ''(howls)'' What do I do? What do I do? ''(rips a plank from the floor and uses it to kill the spider, before taking Eustace. Before he can leave, Katz stands in front of the door)''

'''Katz''': Leaving so soon?

''(Courage howls again, before throwing Eustace at Katz)''

'''Katz''': I wish you hadn't done that.

''(Courage runs downstairs shouting and stops in front of a door)''

'''Courage''': Now, what do I do? Now, what do I do? ''(enters the room, which is pitch black)'' Oh no, it's dark in here! ''(turns on the light, revealing the massive spider collection and screams)''

''(Right outside, Katz is about to open the door before Courage pushes down the door on top of him as he runs)''

'''Katz''': I wish you hadn't done that.

''(Courage runs through a hallway while Katz follows him slowly, stopping in a room)''

'''Courage''': Oh no! ''(turns his head and watches Katz step out of the shadows)''

'''Katz''': There is no place to run and no place to hide.

''(Cuts to Muriel fighting a spider)''

''(Cuts back to Katz bouncing a ball)''

'''Katz''': A little sport before dying, dear boy?

'''Courage''': Do I have a choice?

''(Katz and Courage start playing wallball)''

''(Cuts to Muriel throwing the spider in the toilet, and she flushes it)''

''(It cuts back to Katz and Courage playing, then to Muriel drying off with a towel, back to Courage and Katz, to Muriel putting shoes on, then to Courage hitting a wall and Katz sipping tea peacefully]''
:'''Muriel:''' ''[getting dressed; sarcastic]'' What a fine way to end a vacation.
:'''Katz''': ''[reads a book while Courage struggles to win]'' Hmm, how lovely.
:'''Muriel''': ''[searches for Eustace in the bedroom]'' Now where's that man gone to?
:''[The scene cuts to Courage sweating and being exhausted while Katz is still playing, launches the ball, bounces off the wall, and strikes Courage in the head, making him fall]''
:'''Katz''': ''[walks over to Courage, looking down as he cracks his own head twice]'' Now you're going to learn why nobody ever checks out of the Katz Motel. ''[wraps his hand around Courage's throat and starts to laugh evilly as he pulls out a spider. Courage howls with fear and Katz is knocked out with a racket by Muriel as he drops the spider, which scurries away]''
:'''Muriel''': Come on, Courage. We're leaving. The service here stinks.  ''[The scene cuts to Muriel driving the family home, as Eustace is still sleeping while wrapped up in webs]'' That's a fancy blanket grandpa has on. Maybe we should get you one. ''[Courage screams]''

'''THE END'''

===''Cajun Granny Stew'' [1.1b]===
:''[An orange Cajun fox lives in a cave in the outskirts of Nowhere, cooking up a pot of granny stew]''
:'''Cajun Fox''': Oooh, wee! This is gonna be good. Cup of lizard lips. Pair of elephant ankles. Tablespoon of turtle eyes. Ooh, ooh. I can't wait to win first prize for my granny stew. And one cute little old granny. ''[closes the cookbook] WHAT?!'' I ain't got one of them. Well, ''[puts on a pair of sunglasses]'' I'll just have to get me one.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cajun Fox''': ''[after driving off the cliff]'' That dog is becoming a real pain in my… ''[sinks underwater; gurgling]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': This is all your fault!
:'''Cajun Fox''': My fault?!
:'''Courage''': Yeah, you're trying to make a stew out of her!
:'''Cajun Fox''': And a right GOOD one she gonna be!

===''Shadow of Courage'' [1.2a]===
:'''Eustace''': '''&lt;u&gt;&lt;big&gt;BOOGA!! BOOGA!! BOOGA!!&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/u&gt;'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': I don't know how to make it in show biz, but up there ''[looks to the sky]'' are the real stars.

===''Dr. Le Quack, Amnesia Specialist'' [1.2b]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, will you stop that noise?! You'll wake the neighbors!
:'''Eustace''': We ain't got no neighbors!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Le Quack''': ''[to Muriel, playing her sitar]'' You must be ''le'' patient. Ah, let the therapy begin. ''[takes off his mustache disguise]'' Now… you remember nothing? Good. Good. To help you remember, where is ''le'' silverware? Ah. ''[walks up to the cabinet and searches through the drawers, but finds nothing; clicks tongue]'' This is not working. Ooh, la, la. Then we'll ''get'' you to remember.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Le Quack, wearing a police uniform, is walking away from the destroyed police paddy wagon]''
:'''Le Quack''': ''[stops the iris out from closing]'' Wait, you have not seen the last of Le Quack. ''[laughs evilly, then the iris out closes on his beak]'' Ouch!

===''Courage Meets Bigfoot'' [1.3a]===

===''Hothead'' [1.3b]===
:'''Eustace''': You look good enough to me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Something smells fishy, or my name's Shlinken Hoffer. And it's not.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': &quot;'''WARNING''': When using, do not get angry, do not get mad, do not get upset, or else&quot;?
:'''Floyd''': Oh my.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Di Lung''': Watch where you're going, you fool.

===''Demon in the Mattress'' [1.4a]===
:'''Eustace''': ''[reading an exorcism incantation]'' Hullabaloo, and howdy doo. Musty prawns, and Timbucktu. Yeltsy-by, and hibbety-hoo. Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo. Kick 'em in the dishpan, hoo hoo hoo?

===''Freaky Fred'' [1.4b]===
:'''Eustace''':  That freak's not setting ''one'' freaky foot in this house.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred''': Hello new friend my name is Fred, the words you hear are in my head. I say, I said my name is Fred and I've been very...'''&quot;NAUGHTY&quot;.'''

===''Night of the Weremole'' [1.5a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Hmm, there's nothing to worry about. It's nothing at all. Nothing at all. The swelling is going to go down. To go down. Just keep soaking it. There's nothing to worry about. Just keep soaking it.
:'''Muriel''': ''[Courage stammers]'' Now, now, I don't want to be any trouble.
:'''Eustace''': Then you shouldn't have gotten bit. Come on, you stupid dog.
:'''Muriel''': Thank you, doctor.
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Just keep soaking it.
:''[Back at the house… Courage and Eustace are watching TV in the living room, while Muriel is in the kitchen, soaking her hand in the sink for the swelling to go down; She then looks up at a full moon in the sky through the window, and starts shaking and moaning]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, you're missing your favorite show! Muriel! ''[grumbles; to Courage]'' Go find her.
:'''Courage''': Ahhhhh!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[turns around]'' Shh, I'm watching my favorite show.
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': ''[takes out a tongue depressor stick]'' Now, I want you to open your mouth and say, &quot;Ahh.&quot; ''[Muriel opens her mouth really wide with sharped teeth, bites him, and rapidly shakes him]''

===''Mother's Day'' [1.5b]===
:'''Eustace''': No, Ma. You always looked good to me.

===''The Duck Brothers'' [1.6a]===
:'''Courage''': ''[pressing the buttons on the mind-control remote, making Muriel struggle to get up, bumping into the walls, and walking on the ceiling]'' How does this thing work? Come on, come on!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Italian Cook''': Hey! Bring that duck back! What am I gonna serve?
:'''Courage''': Strudel.
:'''Italian Cook''': Oh, good idea.

===''Shirley the Medium'' [1.6b]===
:'''TV Commercial''': Shirley the Medium can put you in touch with the hereafter, so you all can live — and die — happily ever after.
:'''Muriel''': What a wonderful idea! We could hire Shirley! You and your brother can lay your troubles to rest once and for all.
:'''Eustace''':  Our differences are settled — he's dead and I ain't.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': ''[looking into her crystal ball]'' I see... I see... I see... a yo-yo.
:'''Courage''': Yes.
:'''Shirley''': I see a yo-yo. It is under the sofa.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': The stupid one. He opened the box, yes?

===''King Ramses' Curse'' [1.7a]===
:''[Courage finds an Egyptian stone slab buried in the ground and brings it into the house]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. This looks very old. Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': Come look what Courage found. What do you suppose it could be?
:'''Eustace''': Well, judging by the markings and the obvious age of the relic, I'd have to say it would be...garbage! 
:'''Muriel''': Eustace!
:'''Eustace''': Garbage! From King Garbage of the Garbage Dynasty. Stupid dog. Always bringing garbage into the house.
:'''Newsman''': But the big story today… million-dollar slab stolen from the Tomb of King Ramses.
:'''Eustace''': Huh? I'm rich! 
:'''Muriel''': But the man said it was stolen, Eustace. We must return it to its rightful place.
:'''Eustace''': He said a million-dollar slab, and that means ''I'' get a million dollars. And you know what a million dollars means. That's right! New lawn chairs!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab. 
:'''Eustace''': What?
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab or suffer my curse.
:'''Eustace''': What's your offer?
:'''King Ramses''': This night, you will be visited by three plagues, each worse than the last. Return the slab.
:'''Eustace''': Huh. Nice try, professor. Who's he kidding? I can see the zipper on that cheap dime store costume.
:'''Courage''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': Courage, did you leave the tap running?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab.
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what are you waiting for? Till we're six feet under?
:'''Eustace''': ''[to King Ramses]'' All right, but a million's as low as I'll go.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': No, I can't believe I did that. It's mine! Huh? ''[to King Ramses]'' That's three plagues! You're out of ammo, mister! ''[snickers]'' And don't think you can come around here pushing no tote bags on us neither. What's your offer?
:'''King Ramses''': Return the slab.
:''[Eustace screams when the swarm of locusts return and devours him; Next morning…]''
:'''Professor Frith''': ''[on TV]'' At last, the allegedly cursed slab has been returned to King Ramses' crypt, where it will remain buried in antiquity for all time.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, I wonder where Eustace is.
:''[Cut to the interior of King Ramses' crypt; The slab has been returned to its original state but the image of King Ramses has been replaced with  Eustace]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[echoing; offscreen]'' Aaaaaah! What's your offer?

===''The Clutching Foot'' [1.7b]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, is there something wrong?
:'''Eustace''': My foot! My foot!
:'''Muriel''': Oh! Looks like you've got a fungus. Don't worry, Eustace. I know some family remedies. ''[The next morning, she and Courage try to heal Eustace's foot with various objects like cactus thorns, lobsters, and a vat of acid]'' Oh, dear. There's just one thing left to do.
:'''Eustace''': Ain't going to no doctor.
:'''Muriel''': You really should, Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': I ain't going.
:'''Muriel''': It's as big as a cow. You have to go.
:'''Eustace''': Make me.
:'''Muriel''': Ah, suit yourself. But I think it's starting to fester.
:'''Eustace''': All I need is a nap.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Where is my Eustace? What have you done with my Eustace?!
:'''Big Toe''': Shut up, fat woman. You won't be needing your husband anymore, see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage places a sample from the foot fungus into the computer's drive for analysis]''
:'''Computer''': YUCH! PTOOIE! Nasty! There's only one cure for that. Dog spit. Work up a good drool, baby.

===''The Hunchback of Nowhere'' [1.8a]===
:''[As the Hunchback, Courage's new friend, is invited for pancakes for breakfast with Courage, Eustace enters the kitchen and screams at the Hunchback. He and Courage gasp]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh!
:'''Eustace''': Didn't I tell ya we got no place for the likes of you? Now get, and stay out!
:'''Muriel''': Now, Eustace, he is Courage's friend.
:'''Eustace''': That makes it worse!
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace, don't make such a fuss. Now sit down and eat your breakfast. I'll even get those little blueberries you like so much.

===''The Gods Must Be Goosey'' [1.8b]===
:''[A divine and muscular Goose God lives in the heavenly clouds above the Bagge farmhouse, desperately searching for a queen to propose]''
:'''Goose God''': ''[glumly]'' Empty. My heart is empty, and my clouds are full. ''[summons a lightning bolt and throws it at the windmill below, destroying it]'' A goose, a gander, a godly goosey gander, without love, is nothing but a fowl. ''[sadly sits in his throne chair]'' Without love, all of this is but puff and fluff and ''stuff. [honks in grief]''
:''[Courage and Muriel come out of the house and place two flower pots on the porch]''
:'''Muriel''': The coming rain should do these flowers good.
:'''Eustace''': ''[presses the horn on the truck's steering wheel while doing some repairs; annoyed]'' Darn horn.
:'''Muriel''': ''[calling out]'' Eustace? It'll be raining any minute now. You should come inside.
:''[Up in the heavens, the Goose God gazes down at Muriel and magically blooms the flower pot with flowers by sending down a ray of light, falling romantically in love with her]''
:'''Goose God''': ''[devoted]'' Oh, pure and formless beauty. Oh, light, oh, sky, oh, baby's breath. You have grown solid. You have grown real. You have grown fat. You have grown real fat, and your name is…
:'''Eustace''': Muriel? Muriel!
:'''Goose God''': Muriel. If letters be in order, let them be in such order as to spell...Muriel.
:'''Eustace''': Muriel! Where's my pliers?
:'''Goose God''': I am filled, full, and dizzy. I am…a stuffed goose. ''[sighs]'' If I gaze at her longer, I shall be consumed. Has ever a Goose God gazed upon such unfeathered beauty, immortal flesh? Does a Goose God pursue a mortal woman? Does one who calls the clouds home love one who must floss? Does a Goose God love a Muriel? Eh, I'll give it a shot.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goose God''': ''[hiding in a barrel, holding flowers and a box of candy]'' Flowers. Candy. They pale in the wake of her beauty. ''[throws them out of the barrel]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage babbles to Muriel as he points to the Goose God standing outside the door]''
:'''Muriel''': Now, Courage, it's not polite to point.
:'''Goose God''': Mortal woman, I am here to pronounce eternal love for you.
:'''Muriel''': And you pronounced it perfectly.
:'''Goose God''': You do not understand. I present to you an expression of my love. This gift. ''[magically summons an endless field of flowers and Courage growls]''
:'''Muriel''': Ah, that's sweet, but I'm spoken for.
:'''Courage''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Muriel''': But thank you. I've never had an endless field of flowers before. It's very flattering.
:''[Goose God sighs sadly and erases the endless flower field]''
:'''Eustace''': Who was that?
:'''Muriel''': It was an admirer who offered me a field of flowers and his eternal love.
:'''Eustace''': Oh. You seen my screwdriver?
:'''Courage''': That goose better not try to take Muriel away. ''[growls]'' It's true.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': One way or another, that goose has got to go.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goose God''': ''[heading over to Eustace's truck after hearing the sound of its horn]'' Oh, I have found you! I have found my true love! I have found my Queen!
:'''Courage''': ''[stammering]'' No. I am ''not'' his Queen.
:'''Goose God''': ''[lays on top of the truck's roof]'' Oh, speak to me again, my Queen. Make your sounds of love and longing.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[regains consciousness and sees the Goose God taking his truck up into the heavens to propose it as his queen]'' Heh? My truck!
:''[A few days later…]''
:'''Muriel''': ''[holding wedding invitations]'' Look, Courage. We've been invited to a wedding. The goose and Eustace's truck are going to get married.
:'''Eustace''': ''[sobbing and mourning over the loss of his truck]'' I'm nothing without my truck! Come back to me, truck! Come back!

===''Queen of the Black Puddle'' [1.9a]===
:''[Courage kicks the bathroom door open and he and Muriel find Eustace sticking his head in the bathtub drain while taking a bath]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. I'm beginning to worry about you, Eustace. Tomorrow, we're off to see the doctor. That's all there is to it.
:''[Later that night… while the Bagges and Courage are asleep, the Black Puddle Queen rises from the puddle, enters the house, and walks upstairs to their bedroom, and rattles the doorknob, only to find that it's locked, and slips under the door]''
:'''Courage''': ''[wakes up, screams, and hides under the covers]'' This can't be happening!
:'''Black Puddle Queen''': ''[walks over to Eustace's side of the bed]'' Eustace… ''[picks him up and carries him outside the house and disappears into the puddle]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': ''[walks up to the puddle; sighs]'' The things I do for love. ''[then notices the puddle is beginning to shrink]'' Hey, is this puddle getting smaller? It ''is'' getting smaller! I better hurry before it closes up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[hugging Eustace]'' You're back! Oh, Eustace, you're back. Where have you been? ''[hits him on the head with a rolling pin]''
:'''Eustace''': Ow! What did I do?

===''Everyone Wants to Direct'' [1.9b]===

===''The Snowman Cometh'' [1.10a]===
:'''Snowman''': The first frozen snowman. That's not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': That's what I tell him all the time. You stupid dog, you stupid dog. He don't do nothin' right.

===''The Precious, Wonderful, Adorable, Lovable Duckling'' [1.10b]===

===''Heads of Beef'' [1.11a]===
:''[Muriel is lying on the sofa, coming down with a fever]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[feeling his stomach rumbling]'' Where's my dinner? You were gonna make hamburgers.
:'''Courage''': ''[checking her temperature]'' Is there a doctor in the house?
:'''Muriel''': Ah, Courage, you're a dear.
:'''Eustace''': Well, I… If you ain't feeding me, I'm going out to get me something to eat.
:'''Muriel''': It would be lovely if you could bring me a scone from the Sweet Stuff bakery.
:'''Eustace''': ''[growls]'' Okay.
:'''Muriel''': Courage, could you go along? He ''always'' forgets to get the right thing.
:'''Courage''': Oh, I know I'm not going to like this. ''[Eustace ends up passing the bakery along the way]'' But, but, but…
:'''Eustace''': Shut it. Got to get me a hamburger first.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jean Bon''': What would you like?
:'''Eustace''': Burger-- Big and juicy.
:'''Jean Bon''': One burger-- Big and juicy. ''[gestures to Courage]'' What about him?
:'''Eustace''': A small one, smallest you got.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Where's my burger?
:'''Jean Bon''': Coming right up.
:'''Courage''': Something smells fishy, or my name is Stinky Lulu, and thank goodness, it's not.
:'''Jean Bon's Wife''': What a cute little dog. I could just eat him up.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jean Bon's Wife''': I still wanna sink my teeth into that cute little dog.

===''Klub Katz'' [1.11b]===
:'''Eustace''': No sir. Not getting out of this chair.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': The fresh air, the blue seas, the sky forever.
:'''Eustace''': Blah blah blah! Where's my chair?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid helicopter dog!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': Hey! That's my washing machine!
:'''Eustace''': Hey! That's my chair!

===''The Revenge of the Chicken from Outer Space'' [1.12a]===
:'''Eustace''': Get away from me! ''[goes back to sleep]'' Stupid dog. ''[Courage then bashes him repeatedly with Muriel's slipper; off-screen]'' OWWW! YOU ROTTEN DOG!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage and Muriel are sitting on the porch]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh! There's Eustace with my slipper.
:''[Eustace, headless and carrying Muriel's slipper, walks towards Courage and Muriel]''
:'''Courage''': ''[screams, then stops the iris out from closing]'' This ''still'' shouldn't happen to a dog. ''[The iris out closes on his nose]'' Ow!

===''Journey to the Center of Nowhere'' [1.12b]===

===''Little Muriel'' [1.13a]===
:'''Newsman''': This is the Nowhere Emergency Broadcast System. We interrupt this program with an emergency tornado watch. This is an emergency. Watch for a tornado.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my! A tornado! We better get to the cellar! ''[finds herself stuck to her chair; grunting]'' Oh, my! I'm stuck! Courage, I thought you used the quick-drying paint on the chair.
:'''Courage''': ''[reading the can]'' &quot;Quick-drying ''Glue?!&quot;'' Oh, no!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Little Muriel''': ''[after Courage makes Macaroni and Cheese]'' This stinks. I hate it this way.
:'''Courage''': What's wrong with it?
:'''Little Muriel''': Less cheese. More macaroni. Less macaroni. More cheese! More cheese and macaroni. TOO MUCH MACARONI! Ooh, perfect! I hate macaroni and cheese.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Okay, that's it. Go to your room.
:'''Little Muriel''': I don't wanna go to my room. ''[cries]''
:'''Courage''': Don't cry. It'll be okay. Okay?
:'''Little Muriel''': Guess what I found. BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA!

===''The Great Fusilli'' [1.13b]===
:'''Fusilli''': How now, brown cow.
:'''Courage''': Aaaaah! The things I do for love.

==Season 2==

===''The Magic Tree of Nowhere'' [2.1a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Tsk, tsk, tsk. This is the worst case of boli-boli I have ever seen.
:'''Eustace''': What?
:'''Courage''': No!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Instant Eel''': Oh, Danny Boy. The pipes, the pipes are calling.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': Aha! Nothing to worry about. But, there's nothing I can do. ''[leaves the house]''
:''[Courage yanks on his ears, hops around, and howls in frustration]''
:'''Eustace''': This is all your fault, dog. You and that rotten tree. Now I gotta order take-out for breakfast. ''[picks Courage up and boots him out the front door]'' Stupid dog!

===''Robot Randy'' [2.1b]===

===''The Curse of Shirley'' [2.2a]===
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace, aren't you excited about your birthday party?
:'''Eustace''': Ain't gonna be no party.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Old Lady''': Excuse me, sir, but would you please help me across the street?
:'''Eustace''': You got legs, don't you? Help yourself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[mumbling while sleeping]'' There ain't no curse.
:'''Muriel''': ''[wakes up, seeing the rain cloud curse soaking up the bed; disgusted]'' Eustace!
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': The bed's getting soggy. If you can't do away with this curse, you're gonna have to sleep on the roof.
:''[Eustace is now sitting on the roof outside the house]''
:'''Eustace''': Bah. Ain't no such thing as curses. ''[wipes the rain from his glasses]'' No way, no how. ''[takes off his glasses and wipes them with a cloth, but is startled by lightning strikes from the cloud, causing his glasses to fly out of his hand and land on the edge of the roof]'' Hey! My glasses! No! I can't see! Where?! Where?! ''[sees a TV antenna]'' Huh? Muriel, is that you? ''[hallucinates the antenna as a wiry monster, then rubs his eyes]'' You're not Muriel! ''[starts wrestling with the antenna as Courage comes up with a blanket]'' Get off my roof! I don't know who you are! ''[sees Courage]'' Huh? Huh? ''[hallucinates him as a giant, sharp-toothed fish, then growls in rage]'' No solicitors! ''[charges towards Courage, who screams in fear, and grabs him by the throat]'' Now you get! We don't want any! ''[throws Courage off the roof]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage, Muriel, Ma Bagge, and Dr. Vindaloo are all in the dining room to celebrate Eustace's birthday party, but he's still on the roof]''
:'''Muriel''': Rain or no rain, that man should really come to his own birthday party. ''[calling him through the stove]'' Eustace, get down here this instant! ''[Eustace is removing some mushrooms that are growing on his body; through chimney pipe]'' Eustace, did you hear me? What are you doing up there?!
:'''Eustace''': Huh? ''[hallucinates the chimney pipe as a snake]''
:'''Muriel''': Your guests are waiting!
:'''Eustace''': No solicitors. Especially at this hour! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?! ''[rips off a piece of roof plank, then charges towards the chimney pipe and dives in it; then comes out of the stove, scaring everyone while covered in soot]''
:''[Courage hides behind Muriel and Ma and Dr. Vindaloo run out of the house]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. ''[annoyed]'' Now see what you went and done, Eustace?! You scared off your guests!
:'''Eustace''': Huh?
:'''Muriel''': And you're leaving a ring on the floor! ''[holds out a coaster]'' Here, stand on this coaster.
:'''Eustace''': ''[retorting]'' You can't fool me! ''[hallucinates her as a monster]'' Who? You're not Muriel! ''[grabs her and pins her down on the floor]'' One, two, three, I win!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shirley''': The stupid one. He's stupid, right?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': You know, Eustace. You should thank Courage for getting rid of that curse.
:'''Eustace''': ''[takes the thermometer out of his mouth and notices Courage wearing his hat]'' What you doing with my hat, dog? Bah! ''[snatches the hat from Courage and puts it on his own head, causing the rain cloud curse to reappear]'' Bah! There ain't no such thing as a curse. ''[gets struck by lightning]'' Bah!

===''Courage in the Big Stinkin' City'' [2.2b]===

===''Family Business'' [2.3a]===
:'''Basil''': Zip your mouth shut, dag. Or I'll be fishing you again, I will. ''

===''1000 Years of Courage'' [2.3b]===

===''Courage Meets the Mummy'' [2.4a]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[pouring a cup of tea for Professor Frith and offers it to him]'' This should make you feel better, Mr. Frith. Now, tell us what happened to you, you poor man.
:'''Professor Frith''': What's happened to me isn't important. What's important is what might happen to you and what happened thousands of years ago. The clothing in this sack tells the story. ''[takes the Mayan princess' outfit out of his sack]'' This belonged to a Mayan princess a long time ago. The princess loved cookies. Each day, the royal baker would whip up a jar full of cookies for the princess. The cookie jar was (then) brought to the princess by her most trusted royal Poohbah. And before he would give the cookies, the greedy Poohbah would steal cookies from the jar and sell them for his own profit. One day, the baker caught the Poohbah and went to tell the princess, but the Poohbah got to her first. The Poohbah presented the princess with cookie jars that were only half-full, and said the ''baker'' was stealing the missing cookies. The princess was outraged, and ordered the baker to have his mouth sewn shut, his eyebrows plucked, and his body mummified (as punishment). Most unpleasant. ''[chuckles]'' That baker is now a centuries-old mummy. And he's risen. And he's seeking revenge. And he's on his way to this very spot at this very moment.
:'''Muriel''': Why here? Why us?
:'''Professor Frith''': ''[takes out a scroll from his sack and opens it]'' Here is an ancient drawing of the princess and the Poohbah.
:''[Eustace and Muriel gasp in surprise, seeing that they look just them]''
:'''Muriel''': They look just like we do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[offering Muriel a jar of cookies]'' Here, my princess, is your daily supply of royal cookies.
:'''Muriel''': Thank you, most trusted royal Poohbah. ''[opens the lid; sniffs]'' Oh, they smell heavenly. My compliments to the royal baker.
:'''Eustace''': Yeah, yeah, compliments, sure.
:'''Muriel''': ''[looks inside the jar and sees there are no cookies]'' Hmm.
:'''Eustace''': Something wrong, your princess-ness?
:'''Muriel''': There seems to be some cookies missing from the royal cookie jar. Royal Poohbah, do you know who could be responsible for such a terrible crime?
:'''Eustace''': Ain't me. Got me sugarcane.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Muriel''': It was you all along, no-longer-trusted Poohbah. I order you to have your lips sewn shut, your eyebrows plucked, and the rest of you mummified! ''[Eustace screams in defeat; to the mummified baker]'' Sorry, royal baker. I goofed. You're exonerated of the crimes of which you are accused.

===''Invisible Muriel'' [2.4b]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[enters the kitchen]'' Eustace, I'll get to making dinner, as soon as I'm done cooking that batch of my special secret recipe, Blue Ribbon dog food. ''[Eustace spits in disgust, pulls out his tongue, and scrubs it with a brush]'' This batch is for the county dog food contest.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Muriel eats her pancakes, completely invisible, visibly showing the chewing]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, close your mouth when you chew.

===''Human Habitrail'' [2.5a]===
:'''Old Lady Inside Vacuum Cleaner''': Let me lay down the ground rules: This is my half of the lint, that's your half of the lint. Remember that and we won't have no trouble.

===''Mission to the Sun'' [2.5b]===
:'''Eustace''': Lousy, stinkin' tube food! ''[tastes the tube food]'' Hey, this ain't half bad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid space!

===''Courage the Fly'' [2.6a]===
:'''Di Lung''': ''[after turning Courage into a fly]'' I don't think so. Supposed to be buffalo. Don't know how, but I go back and work on problem. Should be buffalo...Fly...I don't think so.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': I don't know why I'm doing this. But I like it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[presses the fly-paper into Muriel's face]'' Muriel, your face keeps getting in the way! ''[accidentally rips off her face as it's stuck to the fly-paper]'' You ruined my good fly-paper!
:'''Muriel''': ''[threateningly]'' Eustace, put my face back where it belongs, or it's cold cuts for dinner! ''[Eustace places her face back on her head, but in upside-down; annoyingly unamused]'' Oh, you are cheeky. ''[Eustace rotates her face back to its right side up position; she then bashes him on the head with a rolling pin, making sure he never does that again]''
:'''Eustace''': OW!!! ''[dizzily]'' What did I do?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Stupid dog-fly!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Di Lung''': ''[after turning the general and lieutenant into buffalos] I make you different!

===''Katz Kandy'' [2.6b]===
:'''Eustace''': Stupid water.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': Second place. Second place. I'm quite tired of second place. Second place is no place as far as I'm concerned. This year, '''''I''''' will win the Nowhere Sweet Stuff Contest. First prize will be mine.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Katz''': So good of you to come. I hope you found my jam ''tasty. [chuckles evilly]''
:'''Muriel''': What do you want with us?
:'''Katz''': You see, dear lady and dog, it's been my misfortune to place second year after year in the Nowhere Sweet Stuff Contest. Sad, isn't it?
:'''Muriel''': If it's the secret ingredient in my caramel-coated apples you're wanting, you're out of luck.

===''Nowhere TV'' [2.7a]===
:'''Le Quack''': ''[finds Courage in the bag after getting a single dollar bill]'' You pesky little dog. I thought I got rid of you. ''[strangles him by the throat, choking him]'' What have you done with ''le'' money?! ''[Courage pokes him in the eyes and runs off]'' Ouch! Ooh, la, la! ''[growls, then chases after him into a room full of televisions]'' I have you now, you dirty little dog.

===''Mega Muriel the Magnificent'' [2.7b]===
:''[Courage watches the Computer, possessing Muriel's body, about to launch out of a big cannon on the TV in horror]''
:'''Newsman''': She's fearless. She's amazing. She's Mega Muriel the Magnificent!

===''Bad Hair Day'' [2.8a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': I was confused by my submarine.

&lt;hr width-50%&gt;
:'''Ma Bagge''': Now, Courage, come to Ma like a good doggy.

&lt;hr width-50%&gt;
:''[Muriel is sipping tea as Courage uses tweezers to pull out hair from her legs. Eustace arrives home, covered from head to toe in hair, laughing]''
:'''Muriel''': Eustace! What happened to you?
:'''Eustace''': ''[pulls out stacks of money, happily]'' Money! ''[starts laughing]''

===''Forbidden Hat of Gold'' [2.8b]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[reading the poem sign] '''&quot;Whomever steps inside this place, must vanity and greed erase. For if you're vain, well, that's no good. Signed, all of us who wear a hood. P.S.: We warned you.&quot;'''''
:'''Eustace''': Gobbledygook.
:'''Muriel''': Sounds like people who love themselves and their money more than anything else aren't welcome here.
:'''Eustace''': Big deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[coming across the golden hat]'' It's beautiful! I'd sure look good wearing that hat. ''[imagines himself wearing the hat and in a pile of gold and cash; laughs as he reaches his hand for the hat, but Muriel smacks it away]'' OW!
:'''Muriel''': Can't you read? ''[points to a sign, reading…] '''&quot;Do not touch.&quot;'''''
:'''Eustace''': Nope. ''[chuckles and takes the golden hat, ignoring the sign]''
:''[The cave suddenly starts to rumble and crumble]''
:'''Muriel''': Now see what you went and done, Eustace?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[After being turned to ashes by the effects of the golden hat]'' Stupid hat!

===''Serpent of Evil River'' [2.9a]===

===''The Transplant'' [2.9b]===
:'''Muriel''': Oh, you are cheeky. ''[annoyingly smacks Professor Frith in the face]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Courage has transformed into a kangaroo monster and faces off against Eustace in Paris, France to save Muriel]''
:'''Courage''': Put Muriel down!
:'''Eustace''': Make me!

===''Car Broke, Phone Yes'' [2.10a]===

===''Cowboy Courage'' [2.10b]===

===''Evil Weevil'' [2.11a]===

===''McPhearson Phantom'' [2.11b]===
:''[While Muriel folds the last shirt, Courage is relaxing inside a wash basket]''
:'''Muriel''': Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Ah, the power of doing housework. ''[puts the last shirt on top of the three shirts she had already folded. Eustace, wearing a towel, walks into the room. He grabs his shirt that was underneath the three shirts Muriel had folded and pulls it out, causing the three shirts to fall to the floor; annoyed]'' Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': Uh, sorry. You had the pile upside down.
:''[As Muriel picks up the three shirts, Eustace takes off his towel and starts to put on his shirt. Muriel starts to fold a shirt]''
:'''Muriel''': Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards. Arms in, shoulders back, bend over backwards.
:''[Eustace starts to button his shirt, but his arms are telekinetically pulled straight down and bended backwards and his back is telekinetically bended backwards. Courage gasps in horror]''
:'''Eustace''': Muriel, you folded me clothes too tight. What are you trying to do to me?
:'''Muriel''': I didn't do anything different, just the usual wash and fluff and fold. Must be the new detergent I'm using.
:''[Eustace grumbles angrily. He uses his feet to push himself up and walks out while muttering to himself. Courage and Muriel watch on]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[While Eustace reads his newspaper, Muriel polishes his shoes]''
:'''Muriel''': Beautiful. A good shine can make an old woman look young again.
:'''Eustace''': ''[lowers his newspaper]'' Ain't nothing gonna make you young again. ''[puts down his newspaper]'' So just give me my shoes.
:'''Muriel''': ''[gets up and gives Eustace his shoes]'' Here you are, ''[Eustace takes his shoes from her]'' crabby.
:'''Eustace''': ''[puts on his shoes]'' Eh, who needs them polished anyway? Just gonna get scuffed. Stupid as showering.''[Courage is gnawing on an anchor when Eustace's shoes explode]'' Muriel! What are you trying to do to me? ''[grabs his leg]'' Next time you wanna blow up my shoes, take 'em out back!
:'''Muriel''': But I shined them just like always. Maybe they've changed the shoe polish formula.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Eustace is standing outside when Muriel comes out with his hat]''
:'''Muriel''': There it is for you, Eustace. I steamed it and blocked it, like always. ''[gives Eustace his hat]''
:''[Courage comes outside sniffing]''
:'''Eustace''': Thanks. ''[takes his hat from Muriel and puts it on his head, but the two chickens that were inside the hat start pecking on Eustace's head. Eustace runs around screaming in pain]''
:''[Courage and Muriel watch on]''
:'''Muriel''': Must be something new they're putting in the steam.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Muriel is sitting with Courage on the rocking chair]''
:'''Muriel''': Some therapist she is. If only we had someone here who could really help.
:''[Courage gets an idea. He runs upstairs]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage is in the attic, typing on the computer]''
:'''Computer''': You want to be a licensed therapist? A twit like you? ''[Courage types on the keyboard repeatedly]'' Okay. Don't get testy. I happen to be certified to certify. Just answer these questions and you'll have your license.
:'''Courage''': Mm-hm.
:'''Computer''': One: How do you spell, &quot;our time is up, pay me lots of money?&quot; ''[Courage types on the keyboard repeatedly]'' There's no Q in Cincinnati. Twerp. Next question: If Johnny has three apples and Davey has two apples, why don't they just shut up and eat?
:''[Courage is unsure on how to answer the question]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage is in the attic]''
:'''Computer''': Congratulations. You are now a fully licensed therapist. ''[the printer prints out a therapist license, which Courage takes out and looks at. He runs out]'' Word of advice. Just keep nodding and don't say anything. And so Western civilization crumbles.

===''The House of Discontent'' [2.12a]===
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': GET OUT.
:'''Muriel''': Well that's not very polite!
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': You didn't let me finish.
:'''Muriel''': I'm sorry.
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': It's time to hit the road.
:'''Muriel''': Well, that's not much better!

----
:'''Eustace''': I'm a farmer! Farmer, farmer, farmer! Ain't stubborn! Ain't, ain't, ain't!

----
:'''Eustace''': At least I got arms and legs, you don't even got a neck. Ha ha ha!
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': Get out of my face.
:'''Eustace''': Make me.
:'''Spirit of the Harvest Moon''': Wait until midnight comes around.

===''The Sand Whale Strikes'' [2.12b]===
:'''Sand Whale''': You're trying to cheat me like you cheated me before, lckett Bagge. You won that accordion off me in a crooked card game a long time ago and I want it back.
:'''Eustace''': Naw. I ain't lckett, I ain't got no accordion, and I don't wanna be talking to no whale.

===''The Tower of Dr. Zalost'' [2.13]===
:'''Dr. Zalost''': What's the good of having all the money in the world if it doesn't bring any happiness? And if I'm not happy, no one deserves to be happy.

==Season 3==

===''Muriel Meets Her Match'' [3.1a]===
:'''Muriel''': I guess the only thing I can see without my glasses is Eustace's big shiny head.

===''Courage vs. Mecha-Courage'' [3.1b]===
:'''Di Lung''': ''[laughs]'' I told you I built better dog. Why You No give up?! Dog! You no good, give me up dog! No Good!

===''Campsite of Terror'' [3.2a]===
:'''Di Lung''': Get rich quick! It works REAL great, I did it, and so can you! All you have to do to learn the secret of my success is send me money! Thats right, it's as simple as that, get out your checkbook, credit card and wallet and send them to ME! When I came to this country, three weeks ago, I only had a nickel. Now I own three apartment buildings and a fleet of limousines!

===''Record Deal'' [3.2b]===

===''Stormy Weather'' [3.3a]===
:'''Muriel''': ''[comes out of the house, seeing Courage playing with the Storm Goddess; surprised]'' Oh, isn't that lovely? Courage, you've made a friend. ''[Courage shakes his head in denial that the Storm Goddess is not his friend]'' Please, come in and have a cup of tea.
:'''Storm Goddess''': I'd love to. ''[enters the house as Courage moans worriedly]'' You know, Muriel, the life of a goddess isn't always so heavenly.
:'''Muriel''': No, I suppose being a storm goddess isn't easy.
:'''Storm Goddess''': Oh, it's just... I've lost my precious dog, Duncan.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my. I know just how you feel. If I ever lost Courage, I don't know what I'd do.
:'''Storm Goddess''': Actually, your dog reminds me of Duncan. ''[takes out a locket and opens it with a photo of Duncan]'' Isn't the resemblance uncanny?
:'''Muriel''': Oh, yes. They look exactly alike.
:'''Storm Goddess''': I miss him so much. ''[sighs sadly]''

===''The Sandman Sleeps'' [3.3b]===
===''Hard Drive Courage'' [3.4a]===

===''The Ride of the Valkyries'' [3.4b]===
:'''Eustace''': Idiot TV! Talk normal!

===''Scuba Scuba Doo'' [3.5a]===

===''Conway the Contaminationist'' [3.5b]===

===''Katz Under the Sea'' [3.6a]===

===''Curtain of Cruelty'' [3.6b]===
:'''Mayor''': ''[as Eustace passes him while chasing Courage]'' What's that crazy man chasing that sweet little dog for? Do we want a mayor like that?!
:'''Townspeople''': NO!
:'''Mayor''': Arrest and reeducate him!

===''Feast of the Bullfrogs'' [3.7a]===
:'''Eustace''': Lousy stinkin' frogs! I'm getting me mallet!

===''Tulip's Worm'' [3.7b]===

===''So in Louvre Are We Two'' [3.8a]===
:'''Guard''': You must not enter ''le'' museum now, Madame. It is only five minutes until closing.
:'''Eustace''': Good. I'm tired.
:'''Muriel''': But I've got to see the Mona Lisa. My mother always said Mona and I were like twins. Don't you agree?
:'''Guard''': ''[groans]'' You look ''nothing'' like the Mona Lisa, and I give you five minutes to go see for yourself. Stupid America.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': ''[seeing the Mona Lisa on the wall]'' Look! There she is. The most famous painting in the world. All because of her mysterious smile. I want to get a picture of me and the Mona Lisa.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Hey, stupid dog. ''[grabs Courage by the ears and drags him over to the sculpture of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker]'' Take a picture of me with this idiot. &quot;The Thinker,&quot; huh? I know what he's thinking. &quot;How come there's no TV set?&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': I want to see Mona one more time.

===''Night of the Scarecrow'' [3.8b]===
:''[Courage, Muriel, and Eustace get stuck in a cornfield ditch after leaving a county fair and ended up getting attacked by a flock of crows]''
:'''Eustace''': Must be stuck in a ditch! ''[pounds the wheel, grumbling in frustration]''
:'''Muriel''': Now, Eustace, getting all unhinged isn't going to help. Like my Aunt Gertrude always said... ''[screams in terror when she sees something coming towards them]''
:''[A black creature appears in the cornfield, groaning, and banging its fists rapidly on the truck's hood]''
:'''Eustace''': Hey, you! ''[presses the horn, scaring the creature, revealing to be a scarecrow that was carried by a pack of crows after they fly away, and it lands on top of the hood, causing him and Muriel to scream in fear]''

===''Mondo Magic'' [3.9a]===
:'''Dr. Vindaloo''': I am no longer a head of lettuce!

===''Watch the Birdies'' [3.9b]===
:'''Eustace''': Where's my breakfast, woman? I'm starving to death!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': I like to feed the birdies to the cats!

===''Fishy Business'' [3.10a]===

===''Angry Nasty People'' [3.10b]===

===''Dome of Doom'' [3.11a]===
:'''Eustace''': Food? Food? I need food! Where's my lunch?
:'''Muriel''': Right here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Courage''': Ingredients: Hornets, Pythons, Piranhas!? OH, NO!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Want more... food. AAAH! Oh, wicket! Where's my dinner?

===''Snowman's Revenge'' [3.11b]===
:'''The Snowman''': Ah. Tutti frutti.

===''The Quilt Club'' [3.12a]===

===''Swindlin' Wind'' [3.12b]===

===''King of Flan'' [3.13a]===
:'''Eustace''': What happened to you, woman? You look like a house!
:'''Muriel''': ''[offended]'' Look who's calling the kettle black.

===''Courage Under the Volcano'' [3.13b]===

==Season 4==

===''A Beaver's Tale'' [4.1a]===

===''The Nutcracker'' [4.1b]===

===''Rumpledkiltskin'' [4.2a]===

===''House Calls'' [4.2b]===

===''Le Quack Balloon'' [4.3a]===
:''[Courage is helping Muriel bake Scottish dream cookies while is Eustace is looking everywhere for his glasses]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[entering the kitchen; blindsided]'' Muriel! You seen my glasses?! ''[whacks the tub of butter out of Courage's hand and it falls on him, covering him in butter]''
:'''Muriel''': No, I haven't. Did you misplace 'em?
:'''Eustace''': ''[grumbling]'' Yes, I misplaced them! ''[bumping into objects]'' Oww!
:'''Muriel''': Courage you better help Eustace find his glasses. Be his guide dog. We wouldn't want him to lose his way.
:'''Eustace''': ''[retorting]'' Get away from me!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Le Quack''': Le Quack is back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage and Eustace catch up to Le Quack's hot air balloon as they reach New York]''
:'''Eustace''': Where are we now?

===''Windmill Vandals'' [4.3b]===

===''The Uncommon Cold'' [4.4a]===
:''[Muriel is coming down with a terrible cold and is sneezing uncontrollably]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[getting eggs on his face as Muriel sneezes]'' What are you trying to do?! Get ''me'' sick?! Oh! ''[eats the eggs with no concern]''
:'''Muriel''': I'm sorry, Eustace. This is the worst cold I've ever… ''[starts to sneeze again]''

===''Farmer Hunter, Farmer Hunted'' [4.4b]===
:'''Eustace''': I ain't useless! I'm Eustace!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Father Deer''': Every hunting season it's the same thing. We can't take it anymore. I'm gonna put an end to our living in fear. I'm ''going'' hunting! ''[holds his gun]'' A deer's gotta do what a deer's gotta do.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': You know, Courage, that deer reminds me a wee bit of Eustace.
:'''Eustace''': I'm a deer! Useless the deer!

===''Bride of Swamp Monster'' [4.5a]===

===''Goat Pain'' [4.5b]===

===''Muriel Blows Up'' [4.6a]===
:'''Muriel''': And now, I have the strangest feeling I'm not going to explode at all. ''[burps up a bloated Courage, and he lands on the ground with a thud; shrinks to her normal size]'' Oh, my.
:'''Eustace''': Hey! Who's got my carrot?! ''[Courage belches, laughs, and grows giant-sized; annoyed]'' You dumb dog.
:'''Courage''': Oh, no! ''[runs off]''
:'''Eustace''': Come back here with my carrot! ''[chases after him]''

===''Profiles in Courage'' [4.6b]===

===''The Mask'' [4.7]===
:'''Kitty''': Dogs are evil.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mad Dog''': I take you from a two-bit joint and make you a class act, and you want to make me second rate? If I even SMELL Kitty, I'll bury the two of you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Oh, Eustace. I'm sorry for all the terrible things I said.
:'''Eustace''': That's okay Muriel, nobody's perfect.
:''[They embrace]''
:'''Muriel''': I wonder where Courage has run off to.
:'''Eustace''': Who cares?

===''Squatting Tiger, Hidden Dog'' [4.8a]===
:'''Di Lung''': This not acupuncture, this de-boning, I'm taking out your bones.

===''Muted Muriel'' [4.8b]===
:'''Muriel''': I've had it with you not caring what I think or say!
:'''Eustace''': They should make a remote that shuts off people!
:'''Muriel''': Don't worry, I'm shutting myself off! I'm not speaking anymore, listen to the TV all you want. You won't be hearing from me again! ''[Courage tries to protest]'' Sorry, Courage. My voice isn't welcome in this house, so I'm keeping my thoughts to myself.
:'''Eustace''': What? I wasn't listening.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Hey, stupid dog, Muriel talking yet?
:'''Courage''': Mm-mm.
:'''Eustace''': Well go get her to talk, dog! I wanna know if she's gonna make me breakfast!

===''Aqua-Farmer'' [4.9a]===
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what took you so long?
:'''Eustace''': We had to work out a deal for the rematch. If I lose, you're gonna have to pack up your things and move in with the dolphin, and be his sidekick.
:'''Muriel''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, dear. ''[has a thought bubble about living with Jojo as a mermaid]''
:'''Courage''': ''[horrified]'' No!

===''Food of the Dragon'' [4.9b]===

===''Last of the Starmakers'' [4.10a]===
:''[Courage and Muriel watch the mother Starmaker transform into a beautiful lush garden with flowers and bushes as her body disintegrates into the ground after her babies hatched and float into space]''
:'''Muriel''': How lovely. She's becoming a garden. From making stars above, to making flowers on the Earth. Now that's the mystery of life it is.

===''Son of the Chicken from Outer Space'' [4.10b]===

===''Courageous Cure'' [4.11a]===

===''Ball of Revenge'' [4.11b]===
:'''Eustace''': Courage, Courage, Courage! That stupid dog gets all the good stuff around here! I hate that dumb dog!
:'''Muriel''': Oh, don't you fret, Courage. He doesn't hate you. ''[pats Courage on the head as he whimpers sadly, thinking Eustace hurt his feelings]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[walks into the kitchen and picks up the phone]'' Time for that dog to git... for good! Operator, I'm gonna need a few numbers. ''[chuckles evilly]''
:''[Later that evening… Katz, Le Quack, Cajun Fox, the Weremole, the Black Puddle Queen, and the Clutching Foot are all assembled and gathered in the basement, sitting at a table]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[sitting in the head chair]'' Well, I'm a man of few words. So, let's just get down to the nitty gritty. What are we here for?
:'''Villains''': Revenge!
:'''Eustace''': ''[snickers sinisterly]'' And who are we going to destroy?
:'''Villains''': That stupid dog!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Eustace, what's all the ruckus?
:'''Eustace''': What ruckus?
:'''Villains''': Destroy the stupid dog!
:'''Eustace''': Eh...
:'''Cajun Fox''': Lie, man, lie.
:'''Eustace''': That's my friends. It's a men's club. And no dogs allowed.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Courage runs down to the basement, sees Muriel above the boiling cauldron, and screams, and the Clutching Foot pins him down with his toes]''
:'''Big Toe''': Remember us?
:'''Pinky Toe''': Yeah, remember us?
:''[The other villains come forward and glare down at Courage]''
:'''Courage''': ''[horrified]'' Oh, no!
:'''Big Toe''': You licked us good, see?
:'''Cajun Fox''': Cooked us good, too. Remember that?
:'''Muriel''': Oh. What are you gonna do to my Courage?
:'''Big Toe''': Now we're gonna put the squeeze on you, see?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muriel''': Courage, what big lungs you have.

===''Cabaret Courage'' [4.12a]===
:'''Di Lung''': Watch where you going, you fool!

===''Wrath of the Librarian'' [4.12b]===

===''Remembrance of Courage Past'' [4.13a]===
:''[Flashback to the first time Courage met Muriel]''
:'''Muriel''': Oh my. Poor thing, out here all alone... what courage you have. Would you like to come home with me?
:''[Courage cries in joy]''
:'''Muriel''': I'll call you Courage, we'll have a grand time.
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;May I talk with the two of you for a moment? In private?&quot;
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;I know just what to do with the dog, but I like to have a moment with him, alone.&quot;
:'''Cruel Veterinarian''': &quot;Ready for the trip? It's your turn now!&quot;

===''Perfect'' [4.13b]===

==Opening==
:'''Narrator''': We interrupt this program to bring you...Courage the Cowardly Dog Show, starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog! Abandoned as a pup, he was found by Muriel, who lives in the middle of nowhere with her husband, Eustace Bagge.
:'''Eustace''': GAH!
:'''Narrator''': But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere. It's up to Courage to save his new home!
:''[TV turns off]''
:'''Eustace''': Stupid dog! You made me look bad! ''[angrily puts on mask]'' OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
:'''Courage''': AHHHHHHHHH!!!

==Cast==
*[[w:Marty Grabstein|Marty Grabstein]] - Courage Bagge the Cowardly Dog
*[[w:Thea White|Thea White]] - Farmeress Muriel Bagge
*[[w:Lionel Wilson|Lionel Wilson]] - Farmer Eustace Bagge (Seasons 1-3)
*[[w:Arthur Anderson (voice actor)|Arthur Anderson]] - Farmer Eustace Bagge (Seasons 3-4)
*[[w:Simon Prebble|Simon Prebble]] - Fear the Forceful Old-School Computer
*[[w:Paul Schoeffler|Paul Schoeffler]] - Dr. Vindaloo, Katz, Le Quack, Nowhere Newsman, Snowman, Cajun Fox, Freaky Fred
*[[w:Billie Lou Watt|Billie Lou Watt]] - Ma Bagge
*[[w:Duncan Brannan|Duncan Brannan]] - The Magic Tree, Horst Bagge
*[[w:Allen Swift|Allen Swift]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0220880|title=Courage the Cowardly Dog}}

[[Category:1990s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Madagascar (2005 film)</title>
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[[File:Madagascar logo.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Madagascar (2005 film)|Madagascar]]''''' is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 animated film]] about four [[w:Central Park Zoo|Central Park Zoo]] animals who have spent their lives in blissful captivity and are unexpectedly shipped back to Africa, becoming shipwrecked on the island of [[w:Madagascar|Madagascar]]. It was followed by ''[[Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa]]'' and ''[[Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted]]'', as well as a spin-off focused on the penguins, ''[[Penguins of Madagascar]]''.
:''Directed by [[w:Eric Darnell|Eric Darnell]] and [[w:Tom McGrath (animator)|Tom McGrath]]. Written by [[w:Mark Burton (writer)|Mark Burton]], [[w:Billy Frolick|Billy Frolick]], Eric Darnell, and Tom McGrath.''
{{center|'''Someone's got a zoo loose.'''&lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Dialogue==
===Scene 1: Opening Credits/Marty's Dream===
:''[In the beginning, the island of Madagascar appears in a daydream. A zebra yells like Tarzan and jumps out the vine after swinging it. The choir penguins in their black bowties singing [[Born Free]] by John Barry and they fly. He runs and jumps to the water in slow motion. A lion appears, sneaking towards the zebra as almost in the middle of a dream, he jumps up snapping him out of his dream, and the music stops.]''
:''[first lines]''
:'''Alex''': Surprise!
:'''Marty''': ''[screams, falls from treadmill and crashes into a fence]'' Alex! Do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming! When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.
:'''Alex''': Come on, Marty. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday!
:'''Marty''': ''[chuckles]'' Hey, man. Thanks!
:'''Alex''': ''[expresses pain on the right side of his jaw]'' Oh! Ah! Oh! Hey, um... I got s – I got something stuck in my teeth. It's driving me crazy! Can you help me out here? Please?
:'''Marty''': Ah! You came to the right place, my friend. Doctor Marty, D.D.S., is in the house! Please hop on top of my sterilized examination table, if you may. ''[Alex opens the mouth, but can't see anything, because it's dark]'' I don't see anything.
:'''Alex''': ''[muffled]'' It's on the left.
:'''Marty''': Ow!
:'''Alex''': ''[muffled]'' Oh, sorry.
:'''Marty''': OK, just don't talk with your mouth full. ''[Alex nods]'' Aha! Right here. What the heck is this doing in there?
:'''Alex''': Happy birthday!
:'''Marty''': Aww! Hey, thanks, man! You put it in behind the tooth. You all right.
:'''Alex''': These aren't even on the shelf yet. Here! Check it out. Check it out! Look at that. Ooh! Look at that! Ooh!
:'''Marty''': Look at that. It's snowing.
:'''Alex''': 10 years old, huh? A decade. Double digits. The big 1-O! You don't like it?
:'''Marty''': No, no, it's great!
:'''Alex''': You hate it. Ugh! I should've gotten you the Alex alarm clock. That's the one. That's the big seller.
:'''Marty''': No, no! No. The present's great, really. It's just that another year's come and gone, and I'm still doing the same old thing. ''[imitating]'' &quot;Stand over here, trot over there. Eat some grass. Walk back over here.&quot;
:'''Alex''': I see your problem.  
:'''Marty''': Maybe I should go to law school.   
:'''Alex''': You just need to break out of that boring routine.  
:'''Marty''': How?  
:'''Alex''': Throw out the old act. Get out there! Who knows what you're gonna do? Make it up as you go along. Ad lib, improvise, on the fly. Boom, boom, boom!
:'''Marty''': Really?
:'''Alex''': You know, make it fresh.  
:'''Marty''': Fresh, huh? OK. I could do fresh.  
:'''Alex''': Works for me.  
:''[Earth, Wind and Fire's Boogie Wonderland plays as the statue monkeys ring the bell at the front of the zoo ring at the zoo's opening hour. The People are coming! Alex bursts with excitement about them.]''  
:'''Alex''': Here come the people, Marty! Oh, I love the people! It's fun people fun time! Whoo! ''[Hops into Gloria the Hippo's habitat and tap dances on her butt]'' Let's go, Gloria! Up and at 'em! We're open!
:'''Gloria''': ''[yawning]'' What day is it?
:'''Alex''': It's Friday! Field trip day! Dadadadada! Boom! Let’s go! Come on!
:'''Gloria''': Yes, it's field trip day. Let's get up and go... ''[falls asleep again]'' in 10 more minutes.
:''[ricocheting off a lamppost, Alex arrives at the roof of Melman's pen. Melman is a timid giraffe with constant health problems, or so he thinks]''
:'''Alex''': Come on! ''[sings in Conga style]'' Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous morning in the Big Apple. Let's go!
:'''Melman''': ''[scoffs]'' Not for me. I'm calling in sick.
:'''Alex''': What?
:'''Melman''': I found a brow-- Another brown spot on my shoulder. Right here. See? Right th-- Right there. You see?
:'''Alex''': Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hmm?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kids and adults burst through the zoo gates eager to view the animals and Alex.]''
:'''Kid''': Let's go! Come on!
:''[As rushed parents threw away their coffee cups in the trash, Mason the chimp yawns, retrieves a newspaper, a half-empty coffee cup, and a bagel and returns to his roommate Phil, a mute chimp who doesn't speak.]''
:'''Mason''': Phil! Wake up, you filthy monkey. ''[Mason gives Phil his coffee while he reads the newspaper and eats his bagel. Meanwhile, Marty prepares to give his audience something special for his birthday.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marty''': Oh, I'm going to be fresh. Straight out the ground. Tasty fresh! Freshalicious. ''[sips some water and spits it out]'' [[wikipedia:Ziploc|Ziploc]] fresh.
:''[an eager crowd awaits outside Alex's rock as they wait for their king to emerge]''
:'''Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, the Central Park Zoo proudly presents:
:'''Kids''': ''[chanting]'' Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex!
:''[backstage Alex prepares himself for another day of people pleasing]''
:'''Alex''': Oh! Show them the cat! Who's the cat? Whoo!
:'''Announcer''': The king of New York City.
:'''Both''': Alex the Lion!
:'''Alex''': ''[whispers]'' Ahhhh!
:'''Marty''': It's showtime! ''[simultaneously as Alex emerges and turns on the fan blowing his mane]''
:''[Alex emerges on his rock and lets out his signature roar.]''
:'''Alex''': '''''ROOOOAAARRR!!!!!'''''
:''[Crowds go wild! This is what he lived for! The cameraman takes pictures of him. Meanwhile, folks gather around Marty's pen to see his act.]''
:'''Marty''': Gather around, people. Big show about to start. Check out the zebra taking care of biz. That's right.
:''[sucking up some water, Marty performs impossibly impressive water tricks with his mouth then sprays at 3 adults.]''
:'''Children''': Yay!!!!!
:''[This amazes the kids and attracts photographers to take pictures of him. A series of pictures show Gloria swimming tricks and Melman's MRI and medication treatments.]''

===Scene 2: The Penguins===
:''[On another side of the zoo, the four penguin brothers who are also agents, Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and Private are plotting something of their mission...]''
:'''Skipper''': Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report!
:''[Kowalski, the brains of the group, emerges from a hole dug out previously by the penguins]''
:'''Kowalski''': We're only 500 feet from the main sewer line.
:'''Skipper''': And the bad news?
:'''Kowalski''': We've broken our last shovel. ''[shows a broken spoon]''
:'''Skipper''': Right... ''[turns to his weapon specialist Rico]'' Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more Popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in. ''[Rico jumps in the pool]''
:''[Private, the youngest of the group, perks up]''
:'''Private''': And me, Skipper?
:'''Skipper''': I want you to look cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're gonna blow this dump.
:'''Woman''': Come here. Come here. Come on, penguin.
:''[Rico snatches a plastic spoon from a boy eating his frozen yogurt. Marty, meanwhile at sunset, impresses his last fans by making fart noises with his arm pits.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:City of stone - Flickr - Stiller Beobachter.jpg|thumb|&quot;What continent is this?&quot; &lt;br&gt; &quot;[[w:Manhattan|Manhattan]]&quot;.]]
[[File:Bronx Zoo Little Blue Penguin Habitat.jpg|thumb|Do you ever see any penguins walking free around New York City? Of course not. We don't belong here, it's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of [[w:Antarctica|Antarctica]].]]
:'''Marty''': Yeah! You don't see that on Animal Planet! Ha-ha. ''[mesmerized kids are hauled away by disgusted and confused parents]'' Well, show's over, folks. Thanks for coming. I hope you thought it was FRESH! I'll be here all week. In fact, I'll be here for my whole life. 365 days a year, including Christmas, Hanukkah, Halloween, Kwanzaa. Please don't forget to never spay or neuter your pets. ''[throws; after sips on his beverage]'' And tip your cabbie, because he's broke.
:''[A quartet of penguins dig up to the section of a zebra named Marty. One penguin, seemingly the leader, talks to him]''
:'''Skipper''': You, quadruped! ''[In German]'' Sprechen sie Englisch?
:'''Marty''': I sprechen.
:'''Skipper''': What continent is this?
:'''Marty''': [[w:Manhattan|Manhattan]].
:'''Skipper''': Hoover Dam! We're still in New York. ''[the penguins down the hole]'' Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!
:'''Marty''': Hey, hey! You in the tux! Wait a minute! ''[the penguins up the hole]'' What are you guys doing?
:'''Private''': We're digging to Antarctica. ''[Skipper slaps him]''
:'''Marty''': Ant-''who''-tica?
:'''Skipper''': Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend? ''[Marty looks around before nodding]'' Do you ever see any penguins walking free around New York City? ''[Marty shakes his head &quot;no&quot;]'' Of course not. We don't belong here, it's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of [[w:Antarctica|Antarctica]]. To the wild! ''[the four high five each other as Skipper slaps Private again.]''
:'''Marty''': The wild? You could actually go there? That sounds great. ''[before he can thank them, the four have already gone down the hole]'' Hey, hold up! Where is this place?! ''[Muffled]'' Tell me where it is! ''[Skipper alone emerges from the hole pushing his face]''
:'''Skipper''': You didn't see anything... Right?
:'''Marty''': Yes, sir! Oh! Uh, I'm sorry. No, sir. ''[Skipper dives back into the hole and seals the hole entrance with Marty's cup]''
:'''Announcer''': For his final appearance of the day, the king of New York City. Alex the Lion!
:'''Alex''': '''''ROOOOAAARRR!!!!!'''''
:''[And the bells are ringing, because it's time to go home and close the Zoo.]''
:'''Alex''': Thank you. Thank you very much. You guys are great. You're a great crowd. Give yourselves a hand, huh? Thank you. ''[underpants flies in his face]'' Oh. Thank you. Oh! Well. Thank you. Oh, that's too kind. Too kind. ''[sling shoots the I Heart (Love) NY undies by accident, which land on Melman's nose]''
:'''Melman''': Ah! Underpants!!!
:'''Alex''': ''[humans leave the zoo]'' Everybody get home safe. Hey! Check out my Website. 24 hour Alex Cam. Watch me sleep.

===Scene 3: Marty's 10th birthday begins===
[[File:Busy Grand Central Station in the Afternoon.jpg|thumb|Yeah. What you got to do is, you got to go over to Grand Central. Then you got to take the Metro-North train... north?]]
:''[Dusk hits the zoo while closing, and the staff roams the zoo with a band of chefs and groomers to relax the exhausted animals of their hard work. Marty gets his hooves polished like shoes and receives a fresh patch of green grass from the chef as a birthday meal.]''
:'''Gloria''': This is the life. ''[Gloria receives a wide variety of fruit for her meal while drying in a big towel and polish nails for a massage.]''
:'''Melman''': ''[Melman is still getting medical treatment]'' That's the spot. ''[a chef reveals a tray full of medications and vitamins to make him feel better]'' Oh! I'm in heaven.
:''[Alex seems to get the most treatment out of all the animals and receives mane grooming, nail trimming, and a full pack of steak meal which he devours in a number of seconds leaving a bone. And later that night, the four friends gather through a small party to celebrate Marty's 10th birthday]''
:'''Gloria''': Ooh, it's Marty's birthday!
:'''Alex''': Just rip it open. Come on!
:'''Marty''': What is it? What is it?
:'''Gloria''': Come on. Open it up. What you get? What you get? What you get?
:'''Marty''': Yeah! A thermometer. Thanks. I love it, Melman. I love it. ''[puts it in his mouth with style]''
:'''Melman''': Yeah, I wanted to give you something personal. You know, that was my first rectal thermometer.
:'''Marty''': Mother–! ''[Marty proceeds to gag at the thought and spits out the thermometer while licking his tongue]''
:'''Melman''': I'm gonna miss that bad boy.
:'''Alex''': Okay. Get the cake. Melman, come on. ''[Melman blows the party noisemaker]''
:'''Everyone but Marty''': ''[humming, in barber shop quartet-style]''
:'''Alex''': Happy
:'''Gloria''': birth-
:'''Melman''': day
:'''Alex''': to
:'''Gloria''': you.
:'''Alex''': You
:'''Melman''': live
:'''Gloria''': in
:'''Alex''': a zoo.
:'''Gloria''': You
:'''Melman''': look
:'''Alex''': like a
:'''Melman''': mon-
:'''Alex''': key.
:'''Melman''': ''[holds long note]'' Aaaaand
:'''Alex''': you smell
:'''Gloria''': like   
:'''Melman''': one
:'''Everyone''': too! ''[laughs]''
:'''Mason''': ''[He spits holding tea cup]'' I say! ''[Phil smells his armpits and faints]''
:'''Marty''': Aw, well, now, you guys are just embarrassing me. And yourselves.
:'''Alex''': What are you talking about? We worked on that all week.
:'''Gloria''': Let's go. Let's make a wish, baby-cakes. ''[Marty blows out the candle shaped like a 10 then takes a delicious bite of the cake]''
:'''Alex''': Come on. What'd you wish for?
:'''Marty''': Nope. Can't tell you that.
:'''Alex''': Come on. Tell.
:'''Marty''': No, siree. I'm telling you, it's bad luck. You want some bad luck, I'll blab it out. But if you want to be safe, I'll keep my mouth shut.
:'''Gloria''': Oh, for crying out loud, Marty. Would you just tell us? I mean, really. What could happen?
:'''Marty''': OK. I wished... I could go... &lt;big&gt;'''''to the wild!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Alex''': The wild?! ''Whoa!! [falls over]''
:''[Melman swallows the noisemaker and chokes, Gloria shocks, Alex thuds and drops his steak]''
:'''Marty''': I told you it was bad luck.
:''[Then Gloria tries to get the noisemaker out of Melman's throat]''
:'''Alex''': The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I've ever heard.
:'''Melman''': ''[coughs]'' It's unsanitary.
:'''Marty''': The penguins are going. So why can't I?
:'''Alex''': The penguins are psychotic.
:'''Marty''': Come on. Just imagine going back to nature. Back to your roots, clean air, wide open spaces!
:'''Gloria''': Well, I hear they have wide-open spaces in Connecticut.
:'''Marty''': Connecticut?
:'''Melman''': Yeah. What you got to do is, you got to go over to Grand Central. Then you got to take the Metro-North train... north?
:'''Marty''': So one could take the train? Just hypothetically.
:'''Alex''': Marty, come on. What would Connecticut have to offer us?
:'''Melman''': Lyme disease.
:'''Alex''': Thank you, Melman.
:'''Marty''': No, no, really! Really, I just want...
:'''Alex''': This is a highly refined type of food thing that you do not find in the wild.
:'''Marty''': You ever thought there might be more to life than steak, Alex?
:'''Alex''': ''[stares at his steak]'' He didn't mean that, baby. No-no-no.
:'''Marty''': Doesn't it bother you guys that you don't know anything about life outside this zoo?
:'''Melman''': Nuh-uh. Nope.
:'''Gloria''': Mm-mm.
:'''Alex''': Well, I mean, come on. That's just one subject. You got a little, uh, schmutz right there on your... ''[eats his steak]''
:'''Marty''': ''[Sighs and uses a napkin to clean his mouth]'' Thanks, guys. Thanks for the party. It was great. Really. ''[Alex spits a bone and drops it as Marty uses the treadmill]''
:'''Melman''': What's eating him?
:'''Gloria''': ''[whispered]'' Maybe you should talk to him, Alex. You know, go over there and give him a little pep talk.
:'''Alex''': Hey, I already gave him a snow globe. I can't top that.
:'''Gloria''': ''[sighs]'' Alex…
:'''Melman''': I can see where this is going. ''[yawns]'' It is getting late. I guess I'm gonna... ''[snores]''
:'''Gloria''': ''[whispered]'' Come on. He's your best friend.
:'''Alex''': All right, all right. OK.
:'''Gloria''': Night, Marty.
:'''Marty''': Night, Glo.
:''[Gloria backflips into her pool. Alex takes out an umbrella to avoid the chlorine]''

===Scene 4: The Talk of the Wild/Marty's Gone===
[[File:Task Force Guardian - Flickr - The National Guard (1).jpg|thumb|&quot;Even the star's out. Not going to find a star like that in the wild.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Helicopter.&quot;]]
:'''Alex''': Ahhh… what a day. I mean, just really, really I mean I tell you, it just doesn't get any better than this, you know? ''[short pause, Alex sees a star]'' Ooh! It just did. Even the star's out. Not going to find a star like that in the wild.
:'''Marty''': Helicopter. ''[A star, which turns out to be a helicopter, flies away.]''
:'''Alex''': Marty. Buddy. Listen. Everybody has days when they think the grass might be greener somewhere else.
:'''Marty''': Alex. Look at me. I'm 10 years old. My life is half over. And I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes... or white with black stripes.
:'''Alex''': Marty. I'm thinking of a song.
:'''Marty''': Alex. Please. Not now.
:'''Alex''': Oh, yes. It's a wonderful song. I think you're familiar with it. ♪ Da da da da da! Da da da da da! Da da da da da! Da! ♪
:'''Marty''': Oh, no. Oh, no, you don't. No, no, no. I'm not listening! Lalalalalalalalalalala!
:'''Alex''': ♪ Start spreadin' the news ♪
:'''Marty''': I don't know you!
:'''Alex''': ♪ I'm leaving today! We are a great big part of it ♪
:'''Marty''': ''[laughs]'' He's funny. Who is that?
:'''Alex''': Come on. You know you know the words. Two little words.
:'''Marty''': New York.
:'''Both''': ♪ New York! ♪
:'''Bird''': Shut up, shut up, shut up!! Hey, I'm sleeping here! We're not all nocturnal, you know!!
:'''Marty''': Hey, I'll knock your &quot;turnal&quot; right off, pal.
:'''Snake''': Yeah, you and what army, stripes?
:'''Alex''': You mess with him, you mess with me, Howard!
:'''Marty''': Ah ha ha ha!
:'''Unknown Animal''': You're a bigmouth lion!
:'''Alex''': See? Mr. Grumpy Stripes! We make a great team, the two of us.
:'''Marty''': We sure do. No doubt about it.
:'''Alex''': So, what are you going to do? Just go running off to the wild by yourself?
:'''Marty''': No.
:'''Alex''': Good.
:'''Marty''': You and me. Let's go.
:'''Alex''': What?
:'''Marty''': The wild. Come on. You and me together. It's a straight shot down Fifth Avenue to Grand Central. We'll grab a train, we'll head north. We can be back by morning. No one will ever know.
:'''Alex''': ''[chuckles]'' You're joking. Right?
:'''Marty''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. I'm joking. Of course I'm joking. Give me a break. Like we're going to get a train.
:'''Alex''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh. ''[sighs]'' Don't do that. You really had me worried there.
:'''Marty''': ''[yawning]'' Oh, well. I guess I'll hit the sack.
:'''Alex''': Yeah, me too. I'll need to rest my voice for tomorrow. It's Seniors' Day, you know. Have to roar extra loud. Give them a little jolt! You know what I’m talking about?
:'''Marty''': Good night, Ally Al.
:'''Alex''': ''[sighs and claps twice to turn on the red light and hears a bird]'' Oh. They forgot to turn off the ambiance again!
:'''Marty''': Don't worry. It's cool. You know, I got it. ''[kicks the speaker, shooing the bird away as it now turns to the sounds of the Police]''
:'''Alex''': Ah. Much better. ''[2 hours later; sleep talking]'' Come on now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy.
:'''Melman''': Alex. Alex. Alex? Alex. Alex!
:'''Alex''': ''[wakes up]'' Huh? What?
:'''Melman''': You suck your thumb?
:'''Alex''': ''[sighs]'' What is it, Melman?
:'''Melman''': Okay, okay. ''[sighs]'' You know how I have that bladder infection and I have to get up every two hours? Well, I got up to pee, um, and I looked over at Marty's pen, which, you know, I usually don't do. I don't know why, but I did. And this time I looked over and...
:'''Alex''': What, Melman? What's going on?
:'''Melman''': It's Marty. He's gone.
:'''Alex''': Gone?! ''[hits his head]'' Agh! What do you mean &quot;gone&quot;?!
:'''Melman''': How long has he been working on this?! ''[looks into the hole the penguins dug]'' Marty!! Marty!!!
:'''Gloria''': ''[enters for the scene]'' He wouldn't fit down there.
:'''Alex''': ''[tries to look for Marty in the haystacks, noticing that he isn't there]'' Marty? Marty?! Marty!! Marty!!!
:'''Gloria''': This doesn't make any sense. Where would he go?
:'''Alex''': ''[horrified; after short pause] CONNECTICUT!!''
:'''Gloria''': He wouldn't.
:'''Melman''': Oh, no! What are we going to do? We gotta-- we gotta-- I mean, we gotta-- we gotta-- we gotta call somebody!
:'''Alex''': ''[Gasps as he runs to a payphone and dials 911]'' Hello?! Get me Missing Animals!! And hurry! We've got a lost zebra probably on the way to Connecticut by now, and we're gonna need...!!
:''[Cut to 911 dispatch office; the operator only hears Alex roaring on speaker.]''
:'''911 Operator''': ''[takes off headset in confusion]'' Hello? ''[cut to zoo; on speaker]'' Hello?
:'''Alex''': ''[notices a mistake]'' Wait a second. We can't call the people.
:'''911 Operator''': What the…?!
:'''Alex''': ''[hangs up, then nervously looks at the phone booth for a second before ripping it out, and throws it on the ground]'' They'll be really mad! It'll get Marty transferred for good. You don't bite the hand that feeds you.
:'''Gloria''': Mm-hmm. I know that's right.
:'''Alex''': We got to go after him.
:'''Melman''': Go after him?
:'''Alex''': He's not thinking straight. We got to stop him from making for the biggest mistake of his life. He's probably out there lost and cold, confused. ''[sighs; sadly]'' Poor little guy.

===Scene 5: Marty in New York===
:''[The Bee Gees's Stayin’ Alive is playing while Marty walks through New York. Cut to Melman, Alex, and Gloria have just escaped the zoo. Melman helps Alex to hang his neck and Alex falls down to land. Gloria bashes the outside wall from the zoo.]''
:'''Gloria''': Melman, come on!
:'''Melman''': You know, maybe one of us should wait here in case he comes back.
:'''Gloria''': Oh, no. Not now. This is an intervention, Melman. We all got to go.
:'''Alex''': What's the fastest way to Grand Central?!
:'''Melman''': Ooh! You should take Lexington.
:'''Gloria''': Melman!!
:'''Melman''': Okay. &quot;''We''&quot;. We should take Lexington. 
:'''Alex''': What about Park?
:'''Melman''': No, Park goes 2 ways. You can't time the lights.
:'''Mason''': ''[Mason and Phil have just escaped the zoo]'' I heard [[w:Tom Wolfe|Tom Wolfe]]'s speaking at Lincoln Center. ''[Phil signs frantically]'' Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him.
:''[Marty does ice skating then falls. Cut to Alex, Gloria, and Melman at the Subway train station]''
:'''Alex''': I knew we should've taken Park. Are you sure this is the fastest way to Grand Central Station?
:'''Gloria''': I don't know! That's what Melman said!
:'''Melman''': Hey. Hey, you, guys. That room has some nifty little sinks you can wash up in and look! ''[sticks out his tongue with a urinal cake on it]'' Free mints!
:'''Alex''': This isn't a field trip, Melman! This is an urgent mission to save Marty from throwing his life away! Now, where's the train?
:'''Melman''': Ah. Here it comes. ''[He hears the train and looks to the other side, screaming he tumbles backwards as the train's horn blares before it hits him!]''
:'''Gloria''': What did Marty say to you?! I asked you to talk to him!
:'''Alex''': I did! I did! ''[Melman puts the urinal cake back in his mouth]'' I don't understand! He said, &quot;Let's go!&quot; And I said, &quot;What are you, crazy?&quot; And he says, &quot;I'm ten years old!&quot; And he is black with white stripes, and so then we sang and… ''[The train doors open; people scream and run away thinking they're getting attacked by the animals; The train doors close]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Police Horse''': What you got to do is go straight back down West 42nd.
:'''Marty''': Uh-huh.
:'''Police Horse''': It's on your left after Vanderbilt.
:'''Marty''': Okay.
:'''Police Horse''': If you hit the Chrysler Building, you've gone too far.
:'''Marty''': Uh-huh. Thanks a lot, officer. ''[walks]''
:'''Police Horse''': Hey! ''[Marty looks back]'' Wait for the light! ''[Marty walks backwards a bit while realizing his mistake]'' Freak.
:'''Police radio''': Did you say &quot;zebra&quot;?
:'''Police Officer''': Yeah, yeah, that's right. A zebra. Right in front of me. Can I shoot it?
:'''Police radio''': Negative.
:'''Police Officer''': Then I'm going to need some backup.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[On the subway, Alex and his gang are sitting as Alex sees a frightened man reading his newspaper about a basketball game between Golden State Warriors and New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden.]''
:'''Alex''': ''[reads the frightened man's sports paper then roars]'' Aww! Knicks lost again.
:'''Melman''': What are you going to do?
:'''Conductor''': Grand Central Station.
:'''Alex''': Did that just say &quot;Grand Central Station&quot; or &quot;my aunt's constipation&quot;?
:'''Gloria''': This is it.

===Scene 6: Grand Central Station/Alex's Dream===
[[File:Grand Central NYPD.jpg|thumb|We've been ratted out, boys.]]
:'''Marty''': Grand Central Station. It's ''grand'' and it's ''central''.
:''[At the subway, the man's playing a drum set; the train doors open; Alex is running with Gloria and preparing to tackle Marty, while Melman tries to run.]''
:'''Melman''': ''[squeezes his head out of the train doors]'' Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! ''[head pops out and hits the ceiling sign and destroys a man's drum set while he hits the cymbal]''
:'''Alex''': ''[more people screaming and running away]'' Move aside. We have an emergency here. This is an emergency situation. Hey, hey. Just chill out. It's not that big of an emergency. ''[Nana hits him with her handbag three times]'' Hey! Hey! Would you? Hey! Yaaaagh! Ooh!
:'''Nana''': Upstairs, downstairs! ''[kicks Alex's crotch, then sprays in his eyes]'' How do you like that?! Yahh!!
:'''Alex''': Lady! What is wrong with you?! ''[Nana hits him twice]'' Ow! Get a grip on yourselves, people!
:'''Nana''': You're a bad kitty.
:'''Announcer in the Grand Central''': The next train to Connecticut has been…
:'''Marty''': ''[angrily, as the train to Connecticut departs]'' Dagnabbit! I missed the express! ''[then calms himself down for another plan]'' Looks like I’m gonna have to take the Stamford local. ''[Suddenly, Alex tackles in victorious]'' Aah!
:'''Alex''': I got him! I've got him!
:'''Gloria''': He's got him!
:'''Melman''': He's got him! He's got him! He's got... Aaagh!
:'''Nana''': I got something for you! ''[hits Melman with her bag, not realizing the damage she caused]''
:'''Melman''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[crashes into a clock that reads 12:21 AM]'' I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm OK.
:'''Marty''': Whoa! What are you guys doing here?
:'''Alex''': Oh! I am so glad we found you.
:'''Gloria''': We were so... worried about you.
:'''Marty''': Don't worry, I'm fine, I'm fine. Look at me. I'm fine.
:'''Alex''': You're fine? Oh, he's fine. Oh! Great. Hey, you hear that? Marty's fine. Ah. That's good to know. 'Cause I was just wondering, uh... ''[now becomes desperate, disappointed, frustrated and grabs Marty by force about the escape from the zoo without permission] &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''How could you do this to us, Marty?! I thought we were your friends!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;''
:'''Marty''': ''[weakly] '''What's the big deal?! I was coming back in the morning!!!'''''
:'''Alex''': Don't you ever do this again!! Do you hear me?!
:'''Gloria''': Do you hear him?!
:'''Melman''': ''[with the clock on his head]'' Guys? We're running out of time!
:'''Gloria''': Oh, Melman, you broke their clock?!
:'''Alex''': Do you even realize what you've put us through?!?! Don't you ever... do this again!!! ''Don't you ever, ever do this again!!! [Grand Central Station goes dark; the spotlights has turned on as the Police and Firemen are called]''
:'''Gloria''': Don't-- '''''Come here!!''''' ''[grunting and panting as she tries to remove the broken clock off Melman's head until the police came to stop them while Skipper and his agents are reading a newspaper]''
:'''Skipper''': ''[frustrated before the friends raise their flippers]'' We've been ratted out, boys.
:'''Police''': Hold your fire! ''[The police officers, the other federal forces, firefighters, drummer and Nana surrounding Alex and the gang.]''
:'''Skipper''': ''[happily while walking back with his friends]'' Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.
:''[Mason and Phil, disguised in a trench coat, have bought tickets, only for many guns to point at them.]''
:'''Mason''': ''[to Phil]'' If you have any poo, fling it now.
:''[Cut back to Grand Central Station with the police officers and the other federal forces confronting Alex and the gang.]''
:'''Marty''': ''[whispers]'' It's the man. ''[loudly]'' Good evening, officers!
:'''Alex''': No. No. Nope. You don't talk now. OK? You're not good with &quot;putting words together and they're coming out good&quot; thing. ''[he let the Marty go]'' You keep it &quot;shh&quot;! ''[turns to the people]'' Hey! How you doing? You know what? Everything's cool. We just, uh, had a little situation here. ''[The Police push an Animal Control, but he's frightened of Alex, so the Police use their shields to block the sacredly man's path]'' Little internal situation. Actually, my friend went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Went a little cuckoo in the head.
:'''Marty''': Hey! Don't be calling me cuckoo in the head.
:'''Alex''': Just shush! I will handle this. Oh!
:'''Nana''': ''[walks up and kicks Alex in between the legs]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I got him!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Police Officers''': ''[He run into view and carry Nana away jail]'' Go, go, go! Right here, please.
:'''Alex''': Oh! Would you give a guy a break? ''[moaning]'' We’re just gonna take my little friend here home and… Uh, forget this ever happened. All right? No harm, no foul, right? ''[policemen and animal control feel shocked]'' Oh, no, no, no. Hey, it's cool. It's me, Alex the lion. From the zoo. Rrrr! ''[roars, scaring the people]'' Rrrr! What's the matter with them? ''[gets shot in the butt by a purple tranquilizer dart]'' Ow! Ow… ''[Starts to faint]'' Wow! Whoo! I feel really, really weird. Hey! Aw. I love you guys. ''[in slow motion]'' I love you so much...
:''[Sammy Davis Jr.'s [[w:The Candy Man|The Candy Man]] starts to play as the screen becomes kaleidoscopic. Suddenly, it becomes black, save for many Martys and Melmans. The camera pans into the centermost Melman, then his pattern becomes the New York skyline as fireworks go off. Suddenly, Gloria, who is Lady Liberty flies off her pedestal like [[Tinker Bell (film)|Tinker Bell]], and to the viewer, leaving a trail of sparkles that originate from her body. She then hits into the camera with her torch like a wand, turning the screen into glass shatter stars that fly to the screen.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': Last night's dramatic incident in Grand Central is an example of what animal rights wackos have been shouting for years: The animals clearly don't belong in captivity. Now they are to be sent back to their natural habitat, where they will live their lives in the freedom they so clearly desire.
:'''Alex''': ''[Groaning, sticks out his hand weakly]'' Hey, little help?
:'''Guard''': ''[audience screams and runs away]'' He's awake! '''''He's awake!!!!'''''
:'''Guard #2''': ''[screams]''
:'''News Reporter''': ''[the Guards shoot more tranquilizer darts with different colors off-screen, the blue one lands in the middle of his hand while the human hits the street lamp, faints and crawls away] '''Do something!!!!'''''
:'''Alex''': [[Dora the Explorer|Oh, man]].
:''[Alex's Candy Man hallucination sequence plays again, but unfortunately this time, it’s high-pitched and sped up]''

===Scene 7: The Boat to Kenya===
[[File:Madagascar, lever de soleil sur l'océan indien.4.jpg|thumb|Does anybody feel nauseous?]]
:'''Alex''': ''[his eyes glow in the dark; groaning]'' Oh, my head... ''[bumps his head on the top of his crate]'' Oh! Ah! ''[the crate lights has turned on automatically]'' What the…? Wait. ''[searches inside for the crate]'' Where…? What…? I'm in a box! Oh, no. No, no! Not the box. Oh, no, they can't transfer me! NOT ME! ''[panting]'' Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Darkness creeping in. Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Walls closing in around me. ''[whimpering]'' So alone. So alone.
:'''Marty''': ''[his eyes open]'' Alex! Alex, are you there?
:'''Alex''': Marty?
:'''Marty''': ''[the crate lights have turned on automatically]'' Yeah! Talk to me, buddy.
:'''Alex''': ''[relieved]'' Oh, Marty! You're here!
:'''Marty''': What's going on? Are you OK?
:'''Alex''': This doesn't look good, Marty.
:'''Gloria''': ''[her eyes open]'' Alex? ''[the crate lights have turned on automatically]'' Marty, is that you?
:'''Marty''': Gloria!
:'''Alex''': You're here, too!
:'''Marty''': I am loving the sound of your voice!
:'''Gloria''': What is going on?
:'''Alex''': We're all in crates! ''[Melman opens his eyes]''
:'''Gloria''': Oh, no! Wha…?
:'''Melman''': ''[the crate lights turn on automatically]'' Oh… sleeping just knocks me out.
:'''Gloria''': Melman!
:'''Alex''': Melman!
:'''Marty''': Is that Melman?
:'''Gloria''': Are you OK?
:'''Melman''': Yeah. No, I’m fine. ''[yawning]'' I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.
:'''Alex''': Melman, you're not getting an MRI.
:'''Melman''': CAT scan?
:'''Alex''': No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer. It's a zoo transfer!
:'''Melman''': ZOO TRANSFER?! Oh, no! No, no, I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at 5:00. 
:'''Gloria''': Melman. Melman! Calm down, Melman. Relax.
:'''Marty''': Melman. Calm down, Melman.
:'''Melman''': There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am ''not'' going HMO!
:'''Marty''': Take it easy, Melman. It's going to be okay. We are going to be okizay.
:'''Alex''': No, Marty. We're not gonna be &quot;okizay&quot;. Now, because of you, we're ruined!
:'''Marty''': Because of me? I, I fail to see how this is my fault.
:'''Gloria''': You're kidding, right, Marty?
:'''Alex''': You! You ticked off the people. You bit the hand, Marty. You bit the hand! ''[mimicking Marty]'' &quot;I don't know who I am! I don't know who I am. I got to go find myself in the wild!&quot; Oh, please.
:'''Marty''': Hey, hey! I did not ask you to come after me, did I?
:'''Melman''': He does have a point.
:'''Alex''': What?!
:'''Melman''': I ''did'' say we should stay at the zoo, but you guys-- ''[fades to outside of the boxes]''
:'''Alex''': Melman, just shut it! You're the one who suggested this whole idea to him in the first place.
:'''Gloria''': Alex! Leave Melman out of this, please?
:'''Melman''': Thank you, Gloria. Besides, Alex, that's not my fault that we were transferred!
:'''Gloria''': Melman, shut it. Does anybody feel nauseous?
:'''Melman''': I feel nauseous.
:'''Alex''': Melman, you always feel nauseous.
:''[Horn blares from the freighter]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:Kenya w1 locator.svg|thumb|Hmm... &quot;Ship to Kenya Wildlife Preserve, Africa&quot;!]]
:''[The penguins are being transferred; Kowalski is looking for the label on their crate.]''
:'''Skipper''': Progress report.
:'''Kowalski''': It's an older code, Skipper. I can't make it out.
:''[Skipper notices up the chimps for the crate next to them]''
:'''Skipper''': Hmm... You, higher mammal.
:'''Mason''': Hmm?
:'''Skipper''': Can you read?
:'''Mason''': No. Phil can read, though. Phil! ''[Phil appears; Kowalski gestures towards the label; Phil starts using sign language]'' Hmm... &quot;Ship to Kenya Wildlife Preserve, Africa&quot;!
:'''Skipper''': Africa? That ain't gonna fly. Rico!
:''[Rico pulled out a paper clip from his mouth, makes a shape that looks like a key and unlocks the crate. The penguins started to attack the guards and infiltrate the captain's deck and knocked him out. They are now in control of the ship as the new crew. Cut to Alex and Marty still arguing inside their crates while fighting.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': Guys!
:'''Alex''': I was the star in the greatest city on Earth!
:'''Gloria''': Guys, listen.
:'''Alex''': A king! Loved by my people!
:'''Gloria''': Okay, look! Let's just be civil.
:'''Alex''': And you've ruined everything!
:'''Gloria''': Guys, guys! Quit it up there!
:'''Marty''': &quot;Loved&quot;? If the people loved you, it's only because they didn't know the real ''you''!
:'''Gloria''': Don't make me come up there. I'd get the whooping on both of y'all!
:'''Alex''': I thought I knew the real ''you''! Oh, wait, Marty? Your black-and-white stripes? They cancel each other out. OW! You're '''''nothing!!!!'''''
:'''Gloria''': Let's-- Let's just talk about it like adults. You’re so scary!
:'''Melman''': Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it!
:'''Gloria''': Hey! Listen. You're not helping the situation!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skipper''': Status!
:'''Private''': ''[nervously]'' It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes.
:'''Skipper''': ''[angrily]'' Don't give me excuses! '''''Give me results!!!''''' Navigation. ''[Kowalski tries to investigate, but there's nothing]'' All right. Let me think… ''[The Captain mumbles crying for help]'' …and shut him up!! ''[Rico slaps the Captain]''
:'''Private''': ''[Completes the Override code]'' I did it!
:'''Skipper''': ''[Alarm blaring]'' Let's get this tin can turned around!
:''[As Kowalski turns the wheel, the boat begins to tilt slowly. The crates started to skid across the deck and towards the rail.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex''': Ow!
:'''Gloria''': Oh!
:'''Melman''': Ah!
:''[Alex peeps out and notices Gloria's box sliding towards his]''
:'''Gloria''': Oh!
:''[Gloria crashes into Alex, and the rail breaks, causing the four boxes to fall into the sea, with the animals screaming in terror. The currents start to wash them apart.]''
:'''Alex''': Guys? Oh, no. Gloria! Melman! Marty!
:'''Marty''': Alex!
:'''Alex''': Marty?!
:'''Marty''': Alex!
:'''Alex''': Marty! No, wait. Come back, Marty! Don't go.

===Scene 8: Arrive on the Beach===
[[File:Beach Fort Dauphin I.jpg|thumb|Marty! &lt;br&gt; Alex!]]
:''[Night falls, Alex is asleep and a wave bumps His Crate as he falls into the mysterious Island that has a jungle and Alex feels scared and lonely and tries to call his friends]''
:'''Alex''': Marty? Melman? Gloria? Marty?! Melman?! Gloria?! Marty! Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Melman! Gloria! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Hey, anyone! ''[echoes]'' Hello! ''[The next morning, feels weary; exhausted and calling to his friends]'' Marty, Melman, Gloria. Gloria, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Gloria. Marty, Melman. Morty, Morty, Gelman. Regis. Kelly. ''[Suddenly, hears a voice]'' Matt, Katie, Al.
:'''Melman''': Hey! Whoa! Hey! Help! Whoa! Get me out of this thing. Somebody. Hello? Get me out of this thing right now! Hello? Somebody?
:''[Alex goes up close and has found Melman]''
:'''Alex''': Melman!
:'''Melman''': Alex? Is that you?
:'''Alex''': Melman, I got you. Hang on! Hang on. I got you. ''[bumps his head; dig up from the sand]'' Melman!
:'''Melman''': Ow…
:'''Alex''': I got you, buddy.
:'''Melman''': Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
:'''Alex''': Wait a sec, Melman.
:'''Melman''': Ow.
:'''Alex''': Wait right there. ''[Picks up the branch]'' Aha!
:'''Melman''': Alex, what are you doing?
:'''Alex''': I'm getting you out of the box. Relax.
:'''Melman''': Alex? ''[Gasps]''
:'''Alex''': Giraffe, corner pocket! Here goes nothing!
:'''Melman''': Wait, wait, wait! No, come on! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
:'''Alex''': Hold still!
:'''Melman''': Wait, Alex!
:'''Alex''': Hold still. Hold still. Hold still.
:'''Melman''': No, no, come on. Come on!
:'''Alex''': Here I come! ''[yelling]''
:'''Melman''': Look! Look! Look! Look! It's Gloria! It's '''''Gloriaaaaa!!!''''' Oh, hey, it is Gloria. Oh, my...
:'''Alex''': Gloria! ''[Knocking the crate door, but Gloria kicks the door, screaming while flies, Melman screaming and crash, his long crate broke into pieces!]'' Gloria! ''[getting hit by a piece right in the heart from his chest]'' Oh!
:'''Gloria''': Alrighty, boys, fun's over.
:''[The crab and the two starfishes go back into the ocean]''
:'''Alex''': Gloria!
:'''Gloria''': ''[takes off the seaweed]'' Alex!
:''[Suddenly, while hugging, Alex and Gloria see Marty riding on dolphins to surf]''
:'''Marty''': Whoa! ''[Hawaiian Five-O playing]''
:'''Gloria''': Marty?!
:'''Alex''': Marty!
:'''Marty''': Yeah! All right! That's right! Whoo! Left! Left! Left. No, no, no, no, no, your left! Your left! Your left! Woohoo! Right here's good. You know, I don't really have anything on me right now. I'll have to get you later. ''[Dolphins chattering of saying goodbye]'' Ah-eheheheheh--to you too.
:'''Alex''': Marty! Marty!
:''[&quot;[[w:Chariots of Fire|Chariots of Fire]]&quot; playing]''
:'''Marty''': Alex!
:'''Alex''': ''[slow motion]'' Marty!
:'''Marty''': ''[slow motion]'' Alex!
:'''Alex''': Marty!
:'''Marty''': Al!
:'''Alex''': ''[firmly]'' Marty!
:'''Marty''': ''[confused]'' Alex?..
:'''Alex''': ''[angrily] &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''MARTY!!!!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;''
:'''Marty''': ''[Shocked, fleeing away while realizing that Alex is still furious with him for the zoo transfer] &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Oh, sugar honey iced tea!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;''
:''[Suddenly, Alex starts making it worse]''
:'''Alex''': ''[normal motion]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Marty!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Marty''': ''[normal motion]'' Hey! Hold up! Hold up! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
:'''Alex''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I'm going to kill you!!! You come here!!! Don't run away from me!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Marty''': Whoa, wait! Wait, wait! Calm down! Calm down!
:'''Gloria''': Marty!
:'''Alex''': '''Do you think you can keep running?! I'm going to just kill you more!'''
:'''Melman''': Marty!
:'''Gloria''': Oh, look at us! We're all here together. Safe and sound.
:'''Melman''': Yeah, here we are. Where exactly is &quot;here&quot;? ''[Everyone is surprised as they turn while they see many trees of Madagascar, but Melman knows it's...]'' San Diego.
:'''Gloria''': San Diego?
:'''Melman''': White sandy beaches, cleverly simulated natural environment, wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks. ''[tapping a rock]'' Wow! That looks real.
:'''Alex''': San Diego? What could be worse than San Diego?
:'''Marty''': I don't know. This place is crackalackin'! Oh, I could hang here. I could hang here.
:'''Alex''': ''[angrily; starts chasing Marty]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I’M GONNA KILL YOU, MARTY!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Marty''': ''[getting chased by Alex]'' Take it easy! Take it easy!
:'''Alex''': ''[angrily]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''I’m gonna strangle you!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Marty''': ''[getting chased by Alex]'' Calm down! Calm down!
:'''Alex''': ''[angrily]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Then bury you, then dig you up and clone you and kill your clones!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Marty''': ''[getting chased by Alex]'' 20-second timeout. 20-second timeout.
:'''Alex''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''AND THEN I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Gloria''': ''[grabs Alex]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''STOP IT!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Look. We're just going to find the people, get checked in and have this mess straightened out.
:'''Alex''': Oh, great. This is just great. San Diego. Now I'll have to compete with [[w:Shamu|Shamu]] and his smug little grin. I can't top that? Can't top it! I'm ruined! I'm done! I'm out of the business! It's your fault, Marty! You've ruined me!
:'''Marty''': Come on, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say that I'm sorry? Is that what you want? OK, I'm...
:'''Alex''': Shh!
:'''Marty''': He just shushed me.
:'''Gloria''': Marty, look. ''[He doesn't want to hear it, right now. So...]'' You've got to be just a little... 
:'''Alex''': ''[cuts her off]'' Shush!
:'''Gloria''': …bit more und-- Don't you shush me!
:'''Alex''': ''[trying to listen harder]'' Do you hear that? Don't you hear that? ''[the others realize he's trying to listen to the music as they run into the jungle, while they're hearing the music that has a similar beat to Stayin’ Alive by Bee Gees]''

===Scene 9: Checking Into the Jungle/I Like To Move It===
:'''Marty''': I hear it now!
:'''Gloria''': Where there's music, there's people.
:'''Alex''': We’ll go right to the head honcho.
:'''Melman''': A sidewalk would be nice.
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, what a dump.
:'''Alex''': They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First, they tell you, &quot;Hey! We got this great open plan thing. Let the animals run wild!&quot; Next thing you know, it’s flowers in your hair. Everybody's hugging everybody!
:'''Marty''': This place kind of grows on you. This way, guys! Come on!
:'''Alex''': ''[gets hit by a branch]'' OW!! Ooh! ''[screams then cries in his hands]'' Aah! ''[his foot hits a rock]'' Oh, oh! AAH!!! ''[his foot pricks a thorn]'' Aah! What the...? ''[jumps through spider webs]'' Oh! Aah! Ew! Ew! ''[sputters as he tries to get the webs off himself then knocks down a tree on himself]'' OH, NO!! '''AAAHH!!!'''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gloria, Melman and Marty arrive at the party, they can see dancing shadows from the giant leaves.]''
:'''Gloria''': OK. Let's make a good impression on the people. Smiles, everyone. Let's get it together. Is that the best you can do, Melman?
:'''Melman''': Oh, I'm not smiling. It's gas.
:'''Gloria''': Okay. Well, great. Let's make gas look good.
:''[Gloria opens up the leaves and they see a huge small group of strange furry creatures, who are the lemurs, dancing after [[w:madagascar:The End is Here|the final events]] of [[w:madagascar:All Hail King Julien|All Hail King Julien]]]''
:'''Marty''': Wow!
:'''Gloria''': It's not people. It's animals!
:'''Melman''': California animals. Dude!
:'''Marty''': This is like a Puffy party!
:'''King Julien''': ''[singing]'' I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it Ya like to
:'''Lemurs''': Move it!
:'''King Julien''': I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it Ya like to
:'''Lemurs''': Move it!
:'''King Julien''': I like to move it, move it You like to move it, move it She like to move it, move it He like to
:'''Lemurs''': Move it!
:'''King Julien''': All girls all over the world Original King Julien 'pon yer case, man I love how all the girls that love to move their body When ya move your body, ya do Move it nice and sweet and sassy, all right
:'''Gloria''': What kind of zoo is this?
:'''Melman''': I just saw 26 blatant health code violations.
:'''Marty''': I'm loving San Diego. This place is off the chizaine!
:'''Melman''': 27!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Julien''': Woman, physically fit, physically fit, physically, physically, physically fit Woman Physically fit, Physically fit...
:'''Marty''': We should've brought chips and dip!
:'''Gloria''': ''[looking around, realizing they left someone behind]'' Wait. Where's Alex? ''[pulls Marty away]'' What happened to him? He was right behind us. Wasn't he right behind us?
:'''Marty''': I don't know where he's at, but he's missing one heck of a party.
:'''Lemur''': '''''THE FOSSA! THE FOSSA! THE FOSSA ARE ATTACKING!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!''' [screaming]''
:''[The lemurs went running to hide and screaming. The fossas enter and surround to see the little lemur named Mort. Who is scared.]''
:'''Fossa''': Fossa hungry. Fossa eat.
:'''Alex''': ''[enters]'' Ech! I hate spiderwebs. Yeah. Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks for waiting up. Really appreciate it. ''[Pulls away the leaves to see the Fossa.]'' Hey. Hi. We just got in from New York, and we're looking for a supervisor. Because we've been sitting on that beach there for… hours, and nobody's even bothered to show up. I don't know if things are, uh… Yeah, I don't know how things are normally run around here… ''[Marty, Gloria and Melman froze then in shock they saw a spider crawling on his back. Gloria slowly picked up a stick to whack it.]'' …but obviously, there's been some sort of major screw-up. Which is cool! So if you could just point us towards the administrative offices, we'll just, uh... ''[Before he can finish, he notices the spider crawling on his back]''
:'''Spider''': Well, howdy-do.
:'''Alex''': ''[screaming in horror, the fossas surprised, then roaring in slow motion by scary monster the fossas running away] '''SPIDER! SPIDER!! SPIDER ON MY BACK!!!'''''
:'''King Julien''': Maurice? Did you see that?!
:'''Maurice''': He scared the fossa away.
:''[Alex continues screaming in horror as Gloria uses the stick to hit him, but the spider has finally escaped!]''
:'''Melman''': Come on, Gloria. Get him.
:'''Spider''': GET IT! GET IT! GET IT!! '''GET IT!!!'''
:'''Melman''': That's it! Catch it, Gloria! Smack it! Get it, get it! Whip it! Whip it good! Where'd it go?
:'''Mort''': King Julien, what are they? '''''WHAT ARE THEY?!?!'''''
:'''King Julien''': They are aliens. Savage aliens from the savage future.
:'''Maurice''': They've come to kill us. And take our women. And our precious metals.
:''[Lemurs gasp. Mort starts sobbing while lands on Julien's feet.]''
:'''King Julien''': Get up, Mort. Do not be near the king's feet, OK? Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet, everyone. Including me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again.
:'''Melman''': There it is! Get it! Come on, Gloria!
:'''Alex''': Stop it! Stop it! That's enough! Enough with the stick.
:'''Melman''': She got it. I think she got it. I think she got it.
:'''Alex''': Is it still on me? Oh, I hate spiders.
:'''Gloria''': It's okay. It's gone.  
:'''Mort''': They are savages. Tonight we die. ''[He grabs Julien's leg]''
:'''King Julien''': The feet. I told you... I told you to... I told every...! Didn't I tell you about the feet.
:'''Maurice''': He did tell you about the feet.
:'''Mort''': E-he.
:'''King Julien''': Wait. I have a plan.
:'''Maurice''': Really?
:'''King Julien''': I have devised a cunning test to see whether these are savages killers.

===Scene 10: The Locals===
:'''Mort''': ''[After Julien kicks him out from hiding nearby]'' No! OOH! ''[Sees Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman and he gets scared and grabs his tail in fear.]''
:'''Marty''': Hi there.
:'''Alex''': ''[cuts off Marty, clears throat]'' You let me handle it. ''[whispers]'' Alex handles it. Marty does nothing. ''[He walks over to a scared Mort and zooms in his face; kindly]'' Hi THEEEERRREEE! ''[Mort looks at Alex's teeth and starts crying]'' Oh, jeez. Oh. Oh, Sorry.
:'''Melman''': Oh, Shh! Shh! Shh! Oh, Alex. What did you do?
:'''Alex''': No, no, no. Stop. Stop. Shh! It's OK. It's OK. I'm just a silly... just a silly lion. ''[Mort starts screaming, while crying even louder]'' Oh, jeez!
:'''Marty''': ''[knowing that Alex just made it worse]'' Aw, Alex.
:'''Gloria''': ''[Marty and Melman angrily criticize Alex, but walks to Mort]'' Oh, you poor little baby. Did that big mean lion scare you?
:'''Mort''': Mm-hmm. ''[muttering]''
:'''Gloria''': He did? He's a big, bad old puddy tat, isn't he? ''[She picks Mort up]'' Come on. Mama'll hold you. Aww, look at you.
:'''Melman''': ''[as Gloria is cuddling Mort]'' They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
:'''Gloria''': Aren't you the sweetest little thing. Makes me want to dye it in coffee.
:'''King Julien''': ''[watching Gloria cuddle Mort]'' They are just a bunch of pansies.
:'''Maurice''': I don't know, Julien. ''[referring to Alex]'' There's something about that guy with the crazy hair-do that... I find suspicious.
:'''King Julien''': Nonsense, Maurice! ''[turns to the lemurs]'' Come on, everybody! Let's go and meet the PANSIES! ''[laughing]''
:''[All the lemurs cheering and come out of their hiding places to meet them in celebration.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:New York Giants logo.svg|thumb|upright|&quot;All hail the New York Giants!&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;NEW YORK GIANTS!!!!&quot;]]
:'''Maurice''': ''[blowing the shell horn]'' Presenting your royal highness, our illustrious King Julien XIII, self-proclaimed lord of the lemurs, et cetera, et cetera. Hooray, everybody.
:'''Marty''': He's got style.
:'''Alex''': What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs?
:'''Melman''': I think it's a squirrel.
:'''King Julien''': Welcome, giant pansies! Please feel free to bask in my glow!
:'''Alex''': Definitely a squirrel.
:'''Melman''': Yep, squirrel.
:'''King Julien''': We thank you with enormous gratitude for scaring away the Fossa.
:'''Gloria''': The whossa?
:'''King Julien''': The Fossa. They're always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off...
:'''Alex''': Yeah, sounds great. Look, we're just, uh, we’re just trying to find out where the people are, so if you could, uh--
:'''Maurice''': ''[to Alex]'' Oh my, what big teeth you have. Man!
:'''King Julien''': ''[he slaps]'' Shame on you, Maurice! Can you not see that you have insulted the freak?! ''[to Alex]'' You must tell me, who the heck are you?
:'''Alex''': I'm Alex. The Alex and this is Gloria, Marty, and Melman.
:'''Maurice''': And where exactly are you giants from, hmm?
:'''Alex''': We're from New York and, uh, we--
:'''King Julien''': ''[makes a &quot;T&quot; with his hands, interrupting Alex, then turns to the crowd of lemurs.]'' All hail the New York Giants!
:'''Lemurs''': NEW YORK GIANTS!!!! ''[cheering]''
:'''Alex''': Is there some sort of inbreeding program? ''[to Marty, Melman, and Gloria]'' Well, I say we just got to ask these bozos where the people are.
:'''Julien:''' Excuse me? We bozos have the people, of course!
:'''Alex''': ''Whoa!''
:'''Melman''': Hey! The bozos have the people!
:'''Alex''': Oh, well, great. Good. Phew. Heh.
:'''King Julien''': They're up there. ''[points to some human skeletons hanging from parachutes snagged on the branches of a large tree]'' Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch, though.
:'''Alex''': Oh, wow. So do you have any live people?
:'''King Julien''': Um... No. Uh, only dead ones.
:'''Maurice''': Man, if we had a lot of live people, it wouldn't be called &quot;the wild!&quot; Would it? ''[laughs]''
:'''Marty''': The wild?
:'''Alex''': Whoa! Whoa, hold up there a second, fuzz... bucket. You mean, like, uh, like the &quot;live-in-a-mud-hut, wipe-yourself-with-a-leaf&quot; type wild?
:'''King Julien''': Who wipes? ''[laughing]''
:'''Gloria''': Oy vey.
:'''King Julien''': Oy vey!
:'''Maurice''': Oy vey, everybody!
:'''Lemurs''': OY VEY!!!!
:'''Alex''': Could you excuse me for a moment? ''[At sunset, runs back to the shore, crying, while Gloria tries to chase him down.]'' Get me out of here! We got to get out of here!! Help!!!
:'''Gloria''': Alex! ''[She catches Alex as he's about to dive into the ocean]'' What are you ''doing''?!
:'''Alex''': ''[while Marty is excited]'' I'm swimming back to New York!! I know my chances are slim. But I have to try!
:'''Gloria''': You can't swim!
:'''Alex''': I said my chances are slim!!
:'''Melman''': ''[running in panic with leaves covering him]'' AAAAGHH!!! NATURE!!!! It's all over me! Get it off!! I CAN'T SEE!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!! ''[Gloria steps on vine cord, pulling the leaves off him; happily]'' I can see! ''[now becomes frightened, screams, and buries his head in the sand like an ostrich]''
:'''Gloria''': ''[while holding Alex by his throat]'' Okay, look. There has obviously just been a little mistake. I'm sure the people didn't dump us here on purpose. As soon as they realize what happened, they'll come looking for us, right?
:'''Melman''': ''[with head buried; while Marty is singing &quot;Born Free&quot;]'' Yeah, right.
:'''Gloria''': You know something? I bet they're already on their way. ''[puts down Alex as he gasps]''

===Scene 11: Last Will===
:''[Meanwhile, at dusk, the boat sails 2,500 turns into 2,501 miles south to Antarctica by way of the penguins on an important mission.]''
:'''Skipper''': Well, boys? It's gonna be ice-cold sushi for breakfast. ''[he and Private take high five]'' Rico.
:''[Rico uses the wine with foam to toast their victory!]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile on Madagascar island...]''
:'''Melman''': Well, since I'm doomed to die on this forsaken island, I, Melman Mankiewicz, being of sound mind and unsound body, have divided my estate equally among the three of you. ''[Right before he could finish his sentence, a wave came in and go rid of it]'' Oh… Sorry, Alex.
:'''Marty''': Hey! A latrine. Nice work, Melman. Outdoor plumbing.
:'''Alex''': No, it's not a latrine. It's a grave! You sent Melman to his grave. Are you happy?
:'''Marty''': Aw, come on. This isn't the end. This is a whole new beginning. This could be the best thing that's ever happened to us.
:'''Alex''': No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No! This is not the best thing that's ever happened to us!
:'''Melman''': Yeah! You abused the power of the birthday wish and brought this bad luck on all of us. So why'd you tell your wish? You're not supposed to do that.
:'''Marty''': Wait a minute. I didn't wanna tell you. Remember? You guys made me tell you.
:'''Melman''': Oh, OK.
:''[As Marty talks, Alex has grabbed a tree and draw a line over the beach.]''
:'''Marty''': Besides, this isn't bad luck. This is good luck. Look around. There's no fences, no schedules. This place is beautiful. Baby, we were born to be here.
:'''Alex''': OK. OK. I've had enough of this. This is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can prance and skip around like a magical pixie horse! And do whatever the heck you wanna do all day long. And this, this is the good side of the island for those who love New York and care about going home.
:'''Marty''': Come on.
:'''Alex''': No, no. Back! Back! Back! Back!
:'''Gloria''': You know what? This isn't good.
:'''Marty''': OK! You all have your side, and I'll have mine! And if you need me, I'll be over here, on the fun side of the island, having a good old time! A gay old time! A yay old time! A [[The Flintstones (film)|Yabba-dabba-doo]] old time!
:'''Alex''': That’s not the fun side, this is the fun side! This is the fun side, where we're gonna have a great time surviving until we go home. Whoo! I love this side. This side's the best. That side stinks! You're on the '''Jersey''' side of this cesspool!!
:'''Marty''': [[The Flintstones (film)|WILMA]]!!!!!!!!
:'''Melman''': Well, now what do we do?
:'''Alex''': Don't worry, Melman. I have a plan to get us rescued.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Later at nightfall, Alex builds a statue that looks like the Statue of Liberty from New York]''
:'''Alex''': Can't wait to see the look on Marty's face when he sees this. ''[looks over to see Marty, building a roof]'' Ooh. Just look at him. He's helpless without us. Shut up, Spalding!
:''[The camera zooms to a decorated basketball]''
:'''Gloria''': I've been standing here for hours, man. How long do I have to pose like this?
:'''Alex''': She is... ''[kissing]'' Finito! I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare! What do you think? Pretty cool, huh? How's the liberty fire goin', Melman?
:'''Melman''': Great! Idiot...
:'''Alex''': I heard that!
:'''Melman''': Ugh. Why can't we just borrow some of Marty's fire?
:'''Alex''': That's wildfire! We're not using wildfire on Lady Liberty! Now rub, Melman!
:'''Melman''': ''[groans in frustration]'' I've been doing... I can't – i can't – i can't do it! I ju-- I CAN'T DO IT! ''[slams the planks down...and they suddenly ignite]'' Fire! Fire! ''[Alex and Gloria were surprised by this]'' FIRE! FIIIIIIRE!!! ''[laughs, then notices the burning planks are still attached to his hooves]'' Ah. Oh, my... Ow! Ooh, '''FIRE!!''' ''[screaming]''
:'''Alex''': '''NOT YET! NO, NO! NO!'''
:'''Melman''': '''FIRE! AAAAHHHHH!!!!''' ''[Sets the statue that Alex made on fire]''
:'''Alex''': No, no! No! Not yet! ''[gasps before landing on his face]''
:'''Gloria''': Melman, hold still! JUMP! Alex, jump! ''[Alex does so]'' Don't worry, cats always land on their-- ''[Alex falls flat on his face after jumping off the burning rescue beacon instead of using his feet to land safely like other cats]'' Face? Man, what kind of cat are you?
:'''Alex''': ''[after Melman burned the rescue beacon in panic] [[Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|'''YOU MANIAC!!! YOU BURNED IT UP!!! DARN YOU!!! DARN YOU ALL TO HECK!!!''']]''
:'''Melman''': ''[callously]'' Can we go to the fun side now?

===Scene 12: The King===
:''[Meanwhile in the jungle, the lemurs have gathered at an old airplane for a meeting.]''
:'''Maurice''': Everybody, calm down. Come on. Into your chairs. Yes. Everybody please, calm down. Let go of his tail. Separate those two, would you, please? You over here, and you over there. Everybody, Shh... Calm down, people, OK? Ugh. Now, presenting your royal highness, the illustrious blah, blah, blah. You know, et cetera, et cetera. Hooray. Let's go.
:'''King Julien''': Now, everybody, we all have great curiosity about our guests, the New York giants. Yes, Willie?
:'''Willie the lemur''': I like them.
:'''Mort''': I like them. I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them!
:'''King Julien''': Yes, yes. Yes! We get it…
:'''Mort''': When I saw them, I liked them right away. You hate them compared to how much I like them…
:'''Julien''': Oh, shut up! You're so annoying!! ''[Pauses out of the park and Mort chuckles]'' Now, for as long as we can remember, we have been attacked and eaten by the dreaded fossa.
:'''Lemur''': '''''THE FOSSA! THE FOSSA ARE ATTACKING!!''' [screams] '''AAHHH!!'''''
:''[Everyone all screamed and panic, the one of the lemurs jumps out the old airplane and the glass breaks apart.]''
:'''Lemur 2''': ''[holds up a book titled &quot;To Serve Lemur&quot;]'' [[The Twilight Zone (1959 TV series)|It's a cookbook! '''''IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!!!''''']]
:'''Julien''': All right! Please. Please, Maurice.
:'''Maurice''': Shh! Quiet!! Come on, y'all. They're not attacking us this very instant.
:''[All lemurs sigh in relief as Julien continues to prepare his plan]''
:'''King Julien''': So, my genius plan is this: We will make the New York Giants our friends and keep them close. Then, with Mr. Alex protecting us, we will be safe and never have to worry about the dreaded fossa ever again! ''[Everyone all agrees.]'' I thought of that! I thought of that! Yes! Me! I did.
:'''Maurice''': Hold on, hold on, everybody. Hold on. I'm just thinking now. I mean, does anyone wonder why the fossa were so scared of Mr. Alex? I mean, ''maybe'' we should be scared too. What if Mr. Alex is even worse than the fossa?! ''[Lemurs gasp in shock]'' I'm telling you, that dude just gives me the heebiedabajeebies!
:'''King Julien''': Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore, your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. ''[Chameleon uses the typewriter]'' Does anyone else have the heebie-jeebies? No? Good. So shut up. When the New York giants wake up, we will make sure that they wake up in paradise. ''[Laughing]'' Now, who would like a cookie?
:''[All lemurs cheering for a cookie.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[And in the meantime at the beach, Alex makes the sign of &quot;Help!&quot;, waiting for the boat that was hijacked by the penguins. And Marty tries to cheer up Alex for an apology]''
:'''Marty''': Yo, Al. Melman and Gloria are over there having a good time. There's room on the fun side for one more.
:'''Alex''': No, thanks.
:'''Marty''': Look, I've been thinking. Maybe if you gave this place a chance, I don't know, you might even enjoy yourself.
:'''Alex''': Marty, I'm tired. I'm hungry. I just want to go home.
:'''Marty''': Could you just give it a chance? Think about it. It really isn't the fun side without you. ''[Leaves away from Alex, The P breaks and falls apart, which now says &quot;Hell&quot;.]''

===Scene 13: Marty's Beach House===
:''[Alex comes to Marty's, sign says &quot;No Soliciting&quot;]''
:'''Everyone but Alex''': ''[laughing]''
:'''Melman''': I know. And then... ''[Alex knocks it]'' Shh. Shh. It's him.
:'''Marty''': Who is it?
:'''Alex''': It's the pizza man. Who the heck do you think it is?
:'''Marty''': ''[opens the slot door and sees Alex's eye]'' Yes? Can I help you?
:'''Alex''': Can I come to the fun side?
:'''Marty''': ''[closes the slot door; opens the door a little bit which is locked]'' Beg your pardon?
:'''Alex''': You know, I've been kind of a jerk, Marty. But I've been thinking about what you said, and... I'm sorry.
:'''Marty''': ''[Closes the door. But unfortunately prepares to unlock and opens the door!]'' Welcome to Casa del Wild! Take a load off. Hey, hey, wipe your feet.
:'''Gloria''': Alex!
:'''Marty''': ''[In Spanish]'' Mi casa is su casa.
:'''Alex''': Very impressive.
:'''Marty''': Hey, have a drink. It's on the house.
:'''Alex''': ''[Drinks the water from the coconut shell, but it's seawater instead of potable water and he spits it out!]'' This is seawater.
:'''Marty''': Oh, you don't swallow it. It's just temporary till the plumbing's done. Hey, y'all look hungry. How would you like some of nature's goodness?
:'''Gloria''': You have food?
:'''Marty''': The Fun Side Special, coming up. Seaweed on a stick.
:'''Alex''': Seaweed?
:'''Marty''': On a stick. Don't love it till you try it.
:'''Melman''': That's unbelievable!
:'''Gloria''': Mmm… So good.
:'''Marty''': Well, thanks. It does kind of hit the spot, doesn't it? ''[Without roasting it, Alex coughs up seaweed, because he wants steak as a carnivore.]'' Well, maybe it could use a little lemon.
:'''Alex''': No, it's great. It's really great. Doesn't get any better than this.
:'''Marty''': Oh, but it does. Check this out.
:''[He pulls down a lever, opening up the roof to show a view of the stars.]''
:'''Gloria''': Wow! Would you look at that?
:'''Alex''': It's like billions and billions of helicopters.
:'''Marty''': It's a shooting star. Make a wish. Quick!
:'''Alex''': Ooh! How about a thick, juicy steak?
:'''Marty''': You know what, Alex? I promise you I'm going to find you a steak tomorrow if it kills me.
:'''Alex''': Thanks, Marty.
:'''Melman''': ''[yawns]'' It is getting late. I guess I'm gonna... ''[snores]''
:'''Gloria''': I think I'm gonna hit the sack too. Sweet dreams, everyone.
:''[Alex dreams of licking steak]''
:'''Marty''': ''[echoes]'' Alex. ''[Alex surprised; accidentally licks Marty as the others are shocked and confused]'' What are you doing?
:'''Alex''': 27, 28, 29, 30. Hmm. 30. 30 black and only 29 white. Looks like you're black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Good night. ''[pretends to sleep with his eyes open]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[From the trees, Julien and Maurice look below at the sleeping Alex with Marty, Melman and Gloria on the beach.]''
:'''King Julien''': You see, Maurice, Mr. Alex was grooming his friend. He is clearly a tender, loving thing. How can you have the heebie-jeebies for Mr. Alex? Look at him. He's so cute and plushy.
:'''Maurice''': I don't think he was grooming him, Julien. Look more like he was tasting him to me.
:'''King Julien''': Suit yourself, no matter. I don't care. Soon we will put my excellent plan to action. All we have to do is wait until they are deep in their sleep... ''[a long pause] '''HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?!'''''
:''[Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman thought there are lemurs, but they see nothing. So they have to go to sleep again.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Private''': ''[on finally arriving at Antarctica]'' Well, this sucks.

===Scene 14: Kidnapped/The Warm Welcome===
:''[Cut to black of the next morning]''
:'''King Julien''': Wake up, Mr. Alex. Wake up, Mr. Alex. Rise and shining. Wakey-waking, Mr. Alex! ''[Loudly]'' '''WAKE UP!!!! ALEX!!!!''' ''[Alex muffled gasp]'' You suck your thumb?
:'''Alex''': AAH!
:'''Everyone but Alex''': AAH!!
:'''Everyone''': AAAAHH!!!!
:''[Shocked, the zoo animals get up.]''
:'''Alex''': Where are we? What the heck is going on?
:'''King Julien''': Take it easy.
:'''Alex''': What is this?
:'''Melman''': Who built a forest?
:'''King Julien''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't be alarmed, giant freaks! While you were asleep, we simply took you to our little corner of heaven. Welcome to Madagascar.
:'''Marty''': Mada-who-ah?!
:'''Gloria''': What?
:'''King Julien''': No, not who-ah, ascar.
:''[The zoo animals stare from the open view of Madagascar.]''
:'''Alex''': Marty. It's...
:'''Marty''': It's just like my mural back at the zoo.
:'''Gloria''': Oh, no, fella, that is the real deal right there.
:'''King Julien''': Look at that, that's not a bad view.
:'''Alex''': I mean, that's the thing that you were always looking at, but it's actually there. I mean, that's like the real version of your...
:'''Marty''': Hey, how about once around the park? Let's get our blood pumping, get those lungs breathing all this fresh air! Who's with me?!
:'''Alex''': Ah, naw. I really, I don't think I could... You're it!
:'''Marty''': Hey! Want to play around? Ho! Hey!
:'''Alex''': Ha-ha! Oof!
:'''Marty''': Got you there! Ha-ha!
:'''Alex''': Come here! Ha-ha-ha!
:'''Marty''': You're it.
:'''Alex''': ''[Chuckles, while riding on Marty's back]'' Hey, hey, hey!
:'''Marty''': Hey, stop that! Hey, you’re crazy!
:'''Alex''': OK, Marty, I'm it. I'm it. I'm it. You win. ''[Groans in exhaustion]''
:'''Marty''': Come on, Alex, get in the groove.
:'''Alex''': I haven't eaten in two days. My blood sugar's real low. I just don't have the energy.
:'''Marty''': I don't think that's your problem. First of all, that's not how you run in the wild. Let's go, man. Put the rubber to the road! You just have to let out that inner lion. Now, who's the cat?
:'''Alex''': Marty, I really don't...
:'''Marty''': You are, that's who. Come on! Here we go! That's it. Now let's build up some steam!  
:'''Alex''': Alright. 
:'''Marty''' You the cat. 
:'''Alex:''' Who's the cat? 
:'''Marty:''' You the cat.
:''[Marty went up ahead whooping as Alex kept repeating &quot;Who's the cat?&quot; over and over again. His eyes lean close to Marty and his eyes changed of being crazy.]''
:'''Alex''': I'M THE CAT!! ''[Zooms against Marty]'' Surprise!
:'''Marty''': '''Yahhh!!''' ''[Crashes with Alex]''
:'''Alex''': Hoo! You're it! You're it! Can't juke the cat. Cat's too quick! Whoo! Hoo-ha! Ooh, yeah! Hoo-ha! I feel like a mile-high pastrami on rye on the fly from the deli in the sky! Roww! Let's go wild!
:'''Marty''': Now you're talking!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alex and Marty are now doing the Tarzan Yell as they enter the wild party.]''
:'''Alex''': Whoo! Man! I feel, ha-ha-ha-ha, different! Noogie, noogie, noogie. Noogie, noogie, noogie! Whoo! Kind of charged up or something. Hoo!
:'''Gloria''': Ah, Marty, Marty, Marty! Like you said, baby.
:'''Alex''': It's Crack-a-lacking. Ain't that right, Melman? Whoo!
:'''Melman''': Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm in heaven.
:'''King Julien''': You see, Maurice, Alex is now our friend and the fossas are nowhere to be seen. It could be said that my plan is working in a very good working kind of way.
:'''Alex''': Yeah!
:'''Marty''': Alex. You got to try some of this.
:''[Alex spits the pineapple to King Julien]''
:'''Alex''': I feel good. Feel like a king again!
:'''King Julien''': ''[Throws the pineapple to Maurice]'' King?
:'''Marty''': Yeah! You should see his act. Come on, Alex. Why don't you show him some of your act?
:'''Alex''': ''[Chuckles]'' Oh. No, I really don't think I could... OK.

===Scene 15: Alex Confuses Marty for Steak===
:''[Moments later, they have prepared a special ceremony to show Julien that lions are also kings.]''
:'''Marty''': Ladies and gentlemen, primates of all ages. The wild proudly presents: The king!
:'''Both''': Alex the Lion!
:'''Alex''': ''[whispers]'' Ahhhh!
:'''Marty''': E♭, fellas.
:''[Fanfare playing in E♭]''
:'''Marty''': Yeah! The king is in the house!
:'''King Julien''': See, if he is the king, then where is his crown? I've got a crown. Got a very nice one! And it's here on my head! Look at it! Have I got it on?
:''[From the rocks, the fossa approached ready to eat the lemurs again, but they are surprised by Alex.]''
:'''Marty''': Do the roar, man! Do the roar! ''[Alex no longer use his normal roar, so instead, he uses the real roar, Marty, Melman, Gloria, Mort, and The Lemurs gasp in shock. Frightened, the fossas ran away again.]'' Wow. I've never heard that one before. Yeah! Go wild, man! Come on! Break out the wave! ''[Lemurs cheer. But unfortunately, since Alex hasn't eaten for along time, he thought the lemurs look like steaks to him. His claws show up and the camera switches to the lemur wave, but suddenly, screams, and the music stops! Everyone but Marty became shocked, the camera zooms out to show that Alex bit Marty on the butt and Mort happily claps for a short period.]'' Excuse me. You're biting my butt!
:'''Alex''': ''[long pauses as his eyes go back to normal; muffled]'' No, I'm not.
:'''Marty''': Yes, you are. ''[Alex spits and licks paws in the tongue]''
:'''Gloria''': Alex, what did you do?
:'''Marty''': You just bit ''me'' on the butt!
:'''Alex''': No, I didn't. Did I?
:'''Melman''': You kind of did.
:'''Marty''': ''He'' just bit me on the butt! What the heck is wrong with ''you''?!
:'''Alex''': ''[stutters]'' I... Oh! Uh...
:'''Marty''': Why'd you bite me?
:'''Maurice''': ''[coming out of the crowd]'' Man, it's because you are ''his'' dinner.
:'''Melman''': What?!
:'''Gloria''': Excuse me?!
:'''Melman''': That's dumb.
:'''King Julien''': Come, come, Maurice. What is a simple bite on the buttocks among friends? ''[shakes his tail at Maurice]'' Here, gimme a nibble.
:'''Maurice''': ''[pushes King Julien]'' The party is over, Julien. Your brilliant plan has failed.
:'''Marty''': What are you talking about?
:'''Maurice''': Your friend here is what we call a deluxe hunting and eating machine, and he eats steak... which is you.
:'''Gloria''': Get out of here.
:''[Julien thinks for a moment, realizing how selfish he was being and contemplates what Maurice had mentioned about Alex during the last night's meeting on the broken plane as it's so much for everyone not having the heebie jeebies. His uncle was right all along about breaking the rule of helping outsiders to protect the kingdom that it got forbidden.]''
:'''King Julien''': Okey-dokey, Maurice. I admit it. The plan failed. All is lost! We are all doomed! The fossas will come back and gobble us with their mouths, because... we are all steak.
:'''Mort''': ''[taking the steak statement as a compliment]'' I'm steak! Me-me-me-me-me-me-me!
:'''Maurice''': Mr. Alex cannot stay here. He belongs with his own kind... ''[Alex's eyes dilate again and sees Julien, and turned into steak once again for his hunger]'' On the fossa side of the island.
:'''King Julien''': ''[turned into steak]'' By the power vested in me, by the law of the jungle, ''[the lemurs, Mort, Marty, Melman, and Gloria turned into steak]'' blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... '''Be gone!!'''
:'''Marty''': What? Come on, do I look like a steak to you?
:'''Alex''': ''[seeing Marty as a steak through his vision]'' Yeah!
:'''Marty''': See, I told you I don't look like a-- ''[mishears]'' Wait, wait, wh-- Wh-- What'd you say?
:'''Alex''': Oh, yeah! ''[growls ferociously as he prepares to attack causing the lemurs and zoo animals to get scared]''
:'''Mort''': ''[the lemurs pretend to three wise monkeys; frightened]'' He's going savage...
:'''King Julien''': '''Run for your lives!!''' ''[Everyone screams and runs away. Alex roars wildly, getting ready to devour them all.]''
:'''Gloria''': '''Marty, run!!'''
:'''Marty''': '''Yahhh!!'''
:''[The Fanfare of [[wikipedia:National Geographic|National Geographic]] plays as Alex is preparing to eat Marty once again, but Maurice throws a coconut to stop Alex and paralyze him to go back to normal!]''
:'''King Julien''': A bullseye! Excellent shot, Maurice.
:'''Maurice''': Thank you.
[[File:A Zebra running in a lush Ugandan savanna in Lake Mburo National Park 04.jpg|thumb|Marty? I'm so sorry, Marty.]]
:''[Alex lifted up his head and Marty in steak form now turns to normal, while running away]''
:'''Alex''': Marty? I'm so sorry, Marty. What is wrong with ''me''?! Ow...! Oh, no. What I've done, It's true, I'm a monster. I gotta get out of here. ''[runs away]''
:''[&quot;What a Wonderful World&quot; by Louis Armstrong plays as Alex and his gang are going separate ways with Marty, Melman, and Gloria stop running while Alex running through the jungle gets his claws caught on leaves and then a tree. Alex pulls them out only for him to fall down a hill through jagged rocks, a field of flowers, and finally a cactus patch before landing on his feet with a cactus stuck on his back and falling into a river and screams while plummets down a waterfall. He arrives on the Fossa side of the island walks pass a few Fossas (who looked confused, seeing that Alex wasn’t going to eat them), the scene turns back to Marty, Melman and Gloria walks through the jungle witness how dangerous the wild can be such as a hummingbird flew into the snapdragon flowers only for it to be eaten and burps, while Alex uses his instruments to sharpen pieces of wood. Marty, Melman and Gloria saw a mouse escape from a snake, then gets caught by an eagle, and they spot a duckling as they get it to a lake but it gets eaten by a crocodile much to their shock. Alex sits on a rock in an enclosure resembling his from the zoo feeling sad and guilty. The others walk by the grassy field that Marty and Alex played on earlier while Marty looks long towards storm clouds rolling in, feeling guiltier and the circle of life in Madagascar is now broken since the terror reign of the former evil Mountain lemur king Koto.]''

===Scene 16: The Wild===
:'''Marty''': What have I done? This is a nightmare! And it's all my fault. Now, because of me, we've lost Alex.
:'''Melman''': Well, what are we going to do?
:'''Gloria''': We'll find a way to help him. That's what we'll do.
:'''Melman''': Oh! OK.
:'''Gloria''': Come on, we are New Yorkers, right?
:'''Marty''': Yeah.
:'''Gloria''': We're tough. We're gritty.
:'''Marty''': Yeah!
:'''Gloria''': We're adaptable!
:'''Marty''': Yeah!!
:'''Gloria''': And we are not going to lay down like a bunch of Melmans!
:'''Melman''': No, we're not. ''[horn blaring]'' Oh. Gloria.
:'''Gloria''': That was not me, OK? That was the boat. The boat!
:'''Marty''': The boat? The boat's come back for us! Come on, guys, we got to flag it down.
:''[Marty, Melman, and Gloria race to the beach where they saw the boat, blaring harder and louder]''
:'''Marty''': There it is!
:'''Melman''': Hey, over here!
:'''Gloria''': Over here!
:'''Marty''': Over here! Over here! Yo! Yo! Yo!
:'''Gloria''': Melman, give me a lift. Hurry up! Lift me up!
:'''Marty''': Help! Help! Help!
:'''Melman''': Oh, my neck. My neck. My neck. You guys. Over here!
:'''Gloria''': Over here! Melman! Steady. This way!
:'''Marty''': Over here!
:'''Melman''': You have no idea how much this hurts.
:'''Marty''': Hey, boat! We're over here! ''[the three zoo animals are thuds]''
:'''Gloria''': Look! It's turning! It's coming back! IT'S COMING BACK! IT'S COMING BACK!!
:'''Melman''': Yes! This way! Come on! Come on, baby! WHOO!! Yes, you guys!
:'''Marty''': You guys flag down that boat. I’ll go get Alex.
:'''Gloria''': ''[stopping Marty]'' Whoa! Hold on there. You cannot go back there by yourself.
:'''Marty''': Aw, come on. I know Alex. He hears we're rescued, he'll snap right out of it.
:'''Melman''': The people are coming. They can help us.
:'''Gloria''': Melman's right. The people will know what to do. Now, come on. We got to flag down that boat.
:''[The boat already approaches near the beach with a horn blaring to knockback the trees! And finally, the anchor crashes the sand as the penguins land on the beach.]''
:'''Skipper''': Now, this is more like it.
:'''Gloria''': You?! Oh, ma-- Where are the people?!
:'''Skipper''': We killed them and ate their livers. ''[Gloria looks horrified]'' Gotcha, didn't I? Just kidding, doll, the people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China. Hey! I know you two. Where's that psychotic lion, and our monochromatic friend?
:'''Melman''': ''[he and Gloria looks back to see Marty missing]'' Marty? He's ri... Where'd he go? I thought he was right behind us.
:'''Gloria''': ''[groans in frustration]'' He went back for Alex. ''He's'' gonna get himself killed!
:'''Skipper''': Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do. ''[Private brings out a notebook and a red crayon]'' Captain's log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski, we'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico, we'll need special tactical equipment. We're going to face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive. ''[a red crayon snaps, Private looks horrified]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marty''': Alex! Come out, Alex! The boat's here! We can go home!
:''[The fossa see Marty, as if they are going to eat him; The dream appears many kid steaks that Alex wants them and his claws show up]''
:'''Kids''': ''[chanting]'' Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex!
:''[Alex eyes change like he's going to go crazy again, fearing that he will continue injuring his friends, retreats to foosa territory in isolation. Marty searches for him, excited]''
:'''Marty''': Alex! Alex.
:'''Alex''': Marty?
:'''Marty''': Snap out of it, Alex. The boat came back. We can get out of here. We can go back to civilization, and everything will be just like it used to be.
:'''Alex''': Stay back. Please. I'm a monster.
:'''Marty''': Alex, you're no monster. You're my friend. We're a team. You and me, remember?
:''[Alex tried to attack Marty, but the zebra scuttled back away from the crazed lion.]''
:'''Alex''': I don't want to hurt you.
:'''Marty''': Alex. I ain't leaving without you. Alex? I'm thinking of a song. It's a wonderful song. I'm sure you're familiar with it. ''♪Start spreadin' the news. I'm leaving today. We are a great big part of it!♪'' Come on, you know the words. Two little words. Please don't make me sing this by myself. ''[go back to Alex's normal eyes again]'' You really don't want to hear me sing this by myself. ''[The fossa appeared from above the rocks]'' Uh, Alex? Could you come out here for a minute? Hey, Alex, a l-l-little help? '''''AAH!!! HELP ME!!! ALEX!! HEEEELLLPPP!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Alex''': ''[a look of determination appears on face and eyes changed of being crazy yet again]''

===Scene 17: The Fossas===
:''[Marty runs for his life as the fossa chase after him.]''
:'''Marty''': Help me!! Anybody, help me!! Somebody!! ''[Marty turns to see two Fossas riding on his butt and dumping salt and lemon juice on him]'' Ah! ''[Marty throws the Fossa off of him]'' '''''HEEEELLLPPP!!!!!!!'''''
:''[As the Fossa make a dog pile to eat Marty, Melman is swinging on a vine while doing a Tarzan Yell to save Marty.]''
:'''Marty''': Melman?
:'''Melman''': That's right, baby. ''[Both crash into the rock]''
:'''Gloria''': ''[As she picks up and puts Marty down, the fossa ran towards them] '''RUN!''''' 
:'''Marty''': What's the plan?
:'''Gloria''': This is the plan!
:'''Fossa''': Foosa hungry. Foosa eat.
:'''Marty''': This is the plan?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skipper''': ''[He comes out of the jungle, into the fossa’s path, and pulled out a flare gun]'' Foosa halt!
:'''The Fossas''': Huh? ''[amazed by a flare Skipper has fired]'' Ooh. Foosa aaahh. Foosa ooh. Foosa aaahh.
:''[As the fossa are distracted by flares glow, the penguins army crawled underneath their noses. And then Rico holds a pike and uses it like a pole to flick himself with the pike over the steering wheel of the cargo ship that Private brings over. Then as the pike lands in the hole in the middle of the steering wheel, Kowalski pulls out a plate, then hands it over to Skipper. Then Private lands on the plate, and then Kowalski brings out a can of whipped cream that Skipper sprays onto Privates head.]''
:'''Private''': ''[Then Rico up chucks a cherry, that plops onto Privates whipped cream covered head.]'' Come and get it!
:'''Fossa''': Foosa-Huh?
:''[Then as the fossa where about to eat Private, Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico spun the wheel knocking out many fossa in the process. And as Gloria, Marty, and Melman are amazed by it other fossa came up from behind startling them, then more showed up in front, then three others came out from a hollow log.]''
:'''Gloria''': ''[Using Melman’s head as a hammer, she whacked them on their heads]'' Take that!
:'''Fossa''': Foosa ow!
:'''Private''': There's too many of them, Skipper!
:'''Skipper''': It's been a real pleasure serving with you, boys.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Just then as Skipper slaps a fossa, they hear Alex roaring, preparing to trick the Fossa]''
:'''Marty''': Alex? ''[hits the Fossa's face]''
:'''Alex''': That's my kill! Mine. Alex hungry. Alex eat. ''[Unleashes his claws]'' Psst! ''[whispering]'' It's showtime. Thanks for not giving up on me, Marty.
:'''Marty''': Man, you almost gave me a heart attack. You can't just come up here and sneak up on me. Just because you're a lion... ''[Muffled]'' Let go of me. Let go of me!
:'''Alex''': Shh! We're getting out of here. Guys, just go with me on this. Like I said, it's showtime. Rrr! Mine! My kill! Rrahh! They're all mine!! ''[Roars as his gang start to scream]''
:'''Gloria''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''AAH!!! IT'S THE KING OF THE BEASTS!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; Oh, no!! ''[screams]''
:'''Marty''': Don't eat me, Mr. Lion!
:'''Melman''': He's scary!
:'''Alex''': Fear me!! Savagery beyond comprehension!
:'''Marty''': I am far too young to die!
:'''Melman''': You're a monster! A monster, I say!!
:'''Alex''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AND, YOU!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Fossa''': Me?!
:''[Alex roars at the fossas as he and his friends defeat the fossas]''
:'''Gloria''': Oh, you want some of this? ''[Grunts]'' You better run for your lives!
:'''Marty''': Somebody call a cop!
:'''Melman''': ''[hits the Fossa with his head like a golf]'' He's psychotic!!!
:'''Alex''': ''[to the Fossas]'' This is '''''my''''' territory!!! '''Understand?!''' I ''never'', ''ever'' want to see ''you'' on my turf again!!! ''[with all his might, the beast roars at the fossa, causing them to be scared and run away]'' Boo. ''[The last fossa runs off with the rest of the pack]''
:'''Gloria''': Woo-hoo!
:'''Marty''': Yeah! You the cat!
:'''Gloria''': Got my boy back!
:'''King Julien''': ''[Laughing triumphantly]'' I did it! Give me some love! The plan worked! The plan worked! I'm very clever! I'm the one, baby! Come on. Time to robot! ''[robot talking]'' I am very clever king. I am super genius. I am robot king of the monkey things. Compute, compute.
:'''Alex''': So, what's for lunch?
:''[Everyone but Alex is surprised, realizing that they haven’t eaten lunch yet. Cut to the island with Skipper and his penguins preparing a special meal.]''

===Scene 18: A Special Snack for Alex===
:'''Skipper''': Close those eyes.
:'''Alex''': Why do I have to close my eyes?
:'''Skipper''': Do it.
:'''Alex''': Yeah. They're closed.
:'''Skipper''': Tighter.
:'''Alex''': Yes, sir.
:'''Skipper''': No peeking.
:'''Alex''': Alright. They're closed.
:'''Skipper''': Rico.
:'''Rico''': ''[takes the fish; Does a karate chop with two knives; carves; slaps the bottom of the fish turns into 12 sushi fish and drops]'' Hai. ''[the tail drops on his head; the knife takes a sushi fish]''
:'''Skipper''': Open that hatch.
:'''Alex''': Aah…
:'''Skipper''': ''[the sushi fish puts inside Alex's mouth]'' Fire in the hole. ''[closes the Alex's mouth and chews]'' Now chew. Chew like you mean it! Savor it.
:'''Alex''': Mmm… Mmm.
:'''Marty''': And?
:'''Gloria''': Well?
:'''Melman''': Pretty good, right?
:'''King Julien''': There's always Plan B. ''[Mort laughs]''
:'''Alex''': Mmm… Mmm. This is better than steak. I love it! I love it!
:'''Skipper''': The kitty loves the fishy. ''[Kowalski and Private got a high-5 as everyone cheers]''
:'''Marty''': Well, I propose a toast. Now, he may be a pain in the butt at times... And trust me, I know. But this cat proved to me without a doubt that his heart is bigger than his stomach. To Alex.
:'''Everyone''': To Alex!
:''[Everyone spits out their seawater after drinking it]''
:'''King Julien''': Enough! Stop it!
:'''Marty''': Well, what do you guys think? Should we head back to New York?
:'''Alex''': I don't know, Marty. I mean, this is your dream. You sure you want to leave?
:'''Marty''': I don't care where we are. As long as we're together, it doesn't matter to me.
:'''Alex''': Well, in that case... ''[turns to Rico]'' Yo. Rico. I'll take 300 orders to go!
:'''Rico''': Hai.
:'''King Julien''': Yes, yes. But before you leave, I have an announcement to make. So shut up, everyone, please. Thank you. After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. ''[presents Alex with his crown]'' And to make you feel good, I'm gonna give you this lovely parting gift.
:'''Alex''': Oh, no, really. I can't take your crown.
:'''King Julien''': That's OK, I've got a bigger crown! It's got a gecko on it! Look at him shake! Go, Stevie, go!

===Scene 19: The Boat===
:'''Alex''': ''[waving to the lemurs]'' Bye, little fuzz buckets!
:'''Gloria''': Thanks for everything!
:'''Marty''': Bye!
:'''Alex''': So long!
:'''King Julien''': Okay, bye-bye, now.
:'''Marty''': Arrivederci.
:'''King Julien''': Bye-bye.
:'''Maurice''': Toodle-oo!
:'''Mort''': Bye! Goodbye!
:'''King Julien''': See you later, crocodile. Maurice, my arm is tired. Wave it for me. Faster, you naughty little monkey!
:'''Alex''': You know, by the time we get to New York, it’s gonna be the middle of winter. So I was just thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few side stops along the way?
:'''Marty''': Maybe Paris.
:'''Gloria''': Ooh! You just read my mind.
:'''Alex''': I was thinking Spain.
:'''Marty''': Yeah. Run with the bulls.
:'''Gloria''': What about Fiji?
:'''Melman''': Ooh! Canada. Can we? Cheap meds. Eh? Tsk, tsk.
:'''Alex''': You know, I wouldn't even mind coming back here sometime.
:'''Melman''': Yeah, I could do that.
:'''Gloria''': You could say that again. I always wanted to go to Australia.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Private''': Skipper! Don't you think we should tell them that the boat's out of gas?
:'''Skipper''': Nah. Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. ''[they wave at them, then cuts to the credits.]''

===Scene 20: End Credits===
:''[In the post-credits scene, “I Like To Move It Move It” with every character dancing; The Gloria statue from Alex's Candy man dream shows up, but the sparkle is red &amp; the glass stars are red too, ending the movie. The DWA 2004-2010 logo is shown, then cuts to black]''

== Taglines ==
* Someone's got a zoo loose.
* They were not born in the wild. They were shipped there.
* &quot;Kitty misses the city.&quot; (Alex tagline)
* &quot;Black, white, and out of sight.&quot; (Marty tagline)
* &quot;On vacation without medication.&quot; (Melman tagline)
* &quot;Ton on the run.&quot; (Gloria tagline)
* &quot;They're cute. They're cuddly. They're deranged.&quot; (Lemurs tagline)
* &quot;It's all some kind of whacked out conspiracy.&quot; (Skipper tagline)

== Cast ==
* [[w:Ben Stiller|Ben Stiller]] — Alex  
* [[w:Chris Rock|Chris Rock]] — Marty  
* [[w:David Schwimmer|David Schwimmer]] — Melman 
* [[w:Jada Pinkett Smith|Jada Pinkett Smith]] — Gloria  
* [[w:Tom McGrath|Tom McGrath]] — Skipper
* [[w:Chris Miller (animator)|Chris Miller]] — Kowalski
* [[w:Christopher Knights|Chris Knights]] — Private
* [[w:Jeffrey Katzenberg|Jeffrey Katzenberg]] — Rico
* [[w:Sacha Baron Cohen|Sacha Baron Cohen]] — King Julien
* [[w:Cedric the Entertainer|Cedric the Entertainer]] — Maurice
* [[w:Andy Richter|Andy Richter]] — Mort
* [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] — Mason
* [[w:Elisa Gabrielli|Elisa Gabrielli]] — Nana

== See also ==
* [[Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa|''Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa'']]
* [[Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted|''Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted'']]
* [[The Penguins of Madagascar]]
** [[Penguins of Madagascar|''Penguins of Madagascar'' (film)]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0351283|title=Madagascar}}

{{Madagascar}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2005 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2005 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films set on islands]]
[[Category:Madagascar]]
[[Category:Animated films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Madagascar]]
[[Category:Films directed by Eric Darnell]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Animated films about penguins]]
[[Category:Animated films about zebras]]
[[Category:Animated films about giraffes]]
[[Category:Animated films about hippopotamuses]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]</text>
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      <text bytes="6685" sha1="7xj8fmf7s1sa7d3twqtzewlkd5mom3d" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
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'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar]''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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      <text bytes="6691" sha1="kkamf71v8bvbc8lmyg6rnbjzavpmwl7" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar]''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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      <text bytes="6692" sha1="llvd880r03huhrmiw2zv3qjfxybff4u" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar]''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar] Sunny days and starry nights&lt;br&gt;lazy afternoons&lt;br&gt;You're countin' castles in the clouds&lt;br&gt;and hummin' little toons.&lt;br&gt;But somehow right before your eyes&lt;br&gt;the summer fades away,&lt;br&gt;Everything is different and&lt;br&gt;everything has changed&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br.You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&lt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;Funny how a photograph&lt;br&gt;Can take you back in time&lt;br&gt;To places and embraces&lt;br&gt;that you thought you left behind&lt;br&gt;Trying to remind you&lt;br&gt;that you're not the only one&lt;br&gt;but no-one is an island&lt;br&gt;when all is said and done&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just&lt;br&gt;think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home
There'll come a day when you're losing your way
And you won't know where you belong
They say that home is where the heart is
So follow your heart and know that you can't go wrong.
If you feel you lost
And on your own
And far from home
You're never alone you know
Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you ...
If you feel you lost
And on your own
And far from home
You're never alone you know
Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you ...
where you belong ...
I know your heart will lead you home.''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Hey! Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951765</id>
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        <id>3308661</id>
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      <comment>/* Bud Compson Sings You're Heart Will Lead You Home */</comment>
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      <text bytes="8383" sha1="pxwvstksvjk2uvpznq3m54xvtfhqa4q" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar] Sunny days and starry nights&lt;br&gt;lazy afternoons&lt;br&gt;You're countin' castles in the clouds&lt;br&gt;and hummin' little toons.&lt;br&gt;But somehow right before your eyes&lt;br&gt;the summer fades away,&lt;br&gt;Everything is different and&lt;br&gt;everything has changed&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home.&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&lt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;Funny how a photograph&lt;br&gt;Can take you back in time&lt;br&gt;To places and embraces&lt;br&gt;that you thought you left behind&lt;br&gt;Trying to remind you&lt;br&gt;that you're not the only one&lt;br&gt;but no-one is an island&lt;br&gt;when all is said and done&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just&lt;br&gt;think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;There'll come a day when you're losin' your way&lt;br&gt;And you won't know where you belong&lt;br&gt;They say that home is where the heart is&lt;br&gt;So follow your heart and know that you&lt;br&gt;can't go wrong.&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;where you belon' ...&lt;br&gt;I know your heart will lead you home.''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Hey! Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951766</id>
      <parentid>3951765</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:51:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-21258-26</username>
        <id>3308661</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Arthur New Song */</comment>
      <origin>3951766</origin>
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      <text bytes="8380" sha1="qp8vf2tymr3bypt6xhcam79n9h0597y" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar] Sunny days and starry nights&lt;br&gt;lazy afternoons&lt;br&gt;You're countin' castles in the clouds&lt;br&gt;and hummin' little toons.&lt;br&gt;But somehow right before your eyes&lt;br&gt;the summer fades away,&lt;br&gt;Everything is different and&lt;br&gt;everything has changed&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home.&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&lt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;Funny how a photograph&lt;br&gt;Can take you back in time&lt;br&gt;To places and embraces&lt;br&gt;that you thought you left behind&lt;br&gt;Trying to remind you&lt;br&gt;that you're not the only one&lt;br&gt;but no-one is an island&lt;br&gt;when all is said and done&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;There'll come a day when you're losin' your way&lt;br&gt;And you won't know where you belong&lt;br&gt;They say that home is where the heart is&lt;br&gt;So follow your heart and know that you&lt;br&gt;can't go wrong.&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;where you belon' ...&lt;br&gt;I know your heart will lead you home.''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Hey! Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
      <sha1>qp8vf2tymr3bypt6xhcam79n9h0597y</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951769</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:55:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-21258-26</username>
        <id>3308661</id>
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      <comment>/* Arthur New Song */</comment>
      <origin>3951769</origin>
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      <text bytes="8380" sha1="npm8mm1kzs45n5peektz32abj7pgac7" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|You're Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar] Sunny days and starry nights&lt;br&gt;lazy afternoons&lt;br&gt;You're countin' castles in the clouds&lt;br&gt;and hummin' little toons.&lt;br&gt;But somehow right before your eyes&lt;br&gt;the summer fades away,&lt;br&gt;Everything is different and&lt;br&gt;everything has changed&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home.&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;Funny how a photograph&lt;br&gt;Can take you back in time&lt;br&gt;To places and embraces&lt;br&gt;that you thought you left behind&lt;br&gt;Trying to remind you&lt;br&gt;that you're not the only one&lt;br&gt;but no-one is an island&lt;br&gt;when all is said and done&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;There'll come a day when you're losin' your way&lt;br&gt;And you won't know where you belong&lt;br&gt;They say that home is where the heart is&lt;br&gt;So follow your heart and know that you&lt;br&gt;can't go wrong.&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;where you belon' ...&lt;br&gt;I know your heart will lead you home.''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Hey! Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951923</id>
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      <contributor>
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        <id>3308661</id>
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      <comment>/* Bud Compson Sings You're Heart Will Lead You Home */</comment>
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      <text bytes="8376" sha1="9ypic7infhg0hs54di31t7d2v991wep" xml:space="preserve">'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]
--------
[[File:ArthurTVLogo.svg|thumb]]
{{clear}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''''' (pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2022 (United States); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Canada); pre-produced: 1993-2022, produced: 1995-2022, aired: 1996-2023 (Quebec)) is a English (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-French (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Hindi (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) language American (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Canadian (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)-Indian (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012)-Mandarin Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Chinese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012)-Hong Kong Cantonese (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) children's 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, and hand-painted, and hand-colored cel animation (Seasons 1-5) (1996-2000)/digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation) (Seasons 1-15) (1996-2012)/2D Flash animation (Seasons 16-25) (2012-2022) (Adobe Flash (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Professional (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016)/Adobe Flash Player (Seasons 16-19) (2012-2016))/Toon Boom Animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022) (Toon Boom Harmony (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))/Stop-motion (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Object animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Cutout animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022)/Puppet animation (Seasons 20-25) (2016-2022))-live-action (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) educational television series, on PBS, from 1996 to 2022, on TVOntario/TVO, from 1996 to 2023, and on TFO, from 1996 to 2023, about a young third-grade aardvark named Arthur Read and his friends, which include his child relatives, who deal with the various troubles of childhood. The show was produced, and co-produced by WGBH Kids (Seasons 12-25) (2008-2022)/GBH Kids (Season 25) (2022), a division of WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, CINAR Productions (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003), and Horn Rims Productions (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022), subsidiaries of CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, Marc Brown Studios (Seasons 5-25) (2000-2022) in the United States, and later Animation Services (Hong Kong), Ltd. (Seasons 12-15) (2008-2012) in China, and Hong Kong, in association with DQ Entertainment (Seasons 10-15) (2006-2012) in India, and distributed by CINAR (Seasons 1-8) (1996-2003) (CINAR Films (Seasons 1-3) (1996-1999)/CINAR Corporation (Seasons 2-8) (1997-2003))/Cookie Jar Entertainment (Seasons 9-15) (2004-2012), and later DHX Media (Seasons 16-23) (2012-2019)/WildBrain (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in Canada, and Quebec, and WGBH Boston (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022)/GBH (Seasons 24-25) (2021-2022) in the United States, and was aired on PBS (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2022) (PTV/PTV Park (1996-1999) (Seasons 1-3)/PBS Kids (1999-2022) (Seasons 4-25)) in English, in the United States, and TVOntario/TVO (TVOKids) (Seasons 1-25) (1996-2023) in English, in Canada, and La Chaine TVO (Season 1) (1996-1997)/TFO (Seasons 2-25) (1997-2023) (Mega TFO (Seasons 1-16) (1996-2013)/Flip TFO (Seasons 16-25) (2013-2023)) in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and was debuted on October 7, 1996, and ended on February 21, 2022. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Featured Cast==
*Michael Yarmush - Arthur (Seasons 1-5, Arthur's Perfect Christmas)
*Justin Bradley - Arthur (Season 6)
*Mark Rendall - Arthur (Seasons 7-8, redubbed Season 6)
*Cameron Ansell - Arthur (Seasons 9-11)
*Dallas Jokic - Arthur (Seasons 12-15)
*Drew Adkins - Arthur (Seasons 16-17)
*William Healy - Arthur (Seasons 18-19)
*Jacob Ursomarzo - Arthur (Seasons 20-21)
*Roman Lutterotti - Arthur (Seasons 22-25)

==Arthur New Song==
===Bud Compson Sings [[The Tigger Movie|Your Heart Will Lead You Home]]===
:'''Bud''': Okay, this is recording studio [[The Tigger Movie|Your Heart Will Lead You Home.]] ''[fantasy and starts singing while playing the guitar] Sunny days and starry nights&lt;br&gt;lazy afternoons&lt;br&gt;You're countin' castles in the clouds&lt;br&gt;and hummin' little toons.&lt;br&gt;But somehow right before your eyes&lt;br&gt;the summer fades away,&lt;br&gt;Everything is different and&lt;br&gt;everything has changed&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home.&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;Funny how a photograph&lt;br&gt;Can take you back in time&lt;br&gt;To places and embraces&lt;br&gt;that you thought you left behind&lt;br&gt;Trying to remind you&lt;br&gt;that you're not the only one&lt;br&gt;but no-one is an island&lt;br&gt;when all is said and done&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you home&lt;br&gt;There'll come a day when you're losin' your way&lt;br&gt;And you won't know where you belong&lt;br&gt;They say that home is where the heart is&lt;br&gt;So follow your heart and know that you&lt;br&gt;can't go wrong.&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;If you feel you lost&lt;br&gt;And on your own&lt;br&gt;And far from home&lt;br&gt;You're never alone you know&lt;br&gt;Just think of your friends&lt;br&gt;The ones who care&lt;br&gt;They all will be waiting there&lt;br&gt;With love to share&lt;br&gt;And your heart will lead you ...&lt;br&gt;where you belon' ...&lt;br&gt;I know your heart will lead you home.''
:'''Ladonna''': ''[to Bud; annoyed with off-screen]'' Hey! Bud, what do you think you're doing?! ''[???]'' That's not supposed to be singing a song in here!

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Arthur (TV series)}}
*[http://pbskids.org/arthur/ Official Website]
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169414/ IMDb]
*[http://www.tv.com/arthur/show/2804/summary.html TV.com]

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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== About me ==
After cultivating an extreme movie-quote hobby, I stumbled upon this site after perusing one of its sister projects, Wikipedia. Since then, I have become quite hooked on the idea of ensuring that my favorite (or even not-so-favorite) films would have their best lines captured for posterity. I am now an administrator and bureaucrat here on Wikiquote.  

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I'm a transplanted New Jersey-ian (or is it New Jersey-ite?) who has a ravenous hunger for movies and books (I rarely go through a day without one or the other). My tastes are quite diverse and range from absolute classics to thrillers to horror to comedy (both obvious and more sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek). I also particularly like [[:Category:Films noir|Films noir]] and [[:Category:Neo-noir|Neo-noir films]]. If pressed, I would list my favorite films as ''[[Three Days of the Condor]]'', ''[[Mr. Smith Goes to Washington]]'', ''[[Casablanca]]'', ''[[The Third Man]]'', ''[[Chinatown]]'', ''[[Pulp Fiction]]'', ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'', ''[[La La Land (film)|La La Land]]'', ''[[In Bruges]]'', ''[[Blood Simple]]'' (and frankly I'd watch anything by [[:Category:Films directed by the Coen brothers|the Coen brothers]]), ''[[The Godfather]]'', ''[[Hoosiers]]'', ''[[Donnie Darko]]'', ''[[It's a Wonderful Life]]'', ''[[Goodfellas]]'', ''[[The Seven Samurai]]'', ''[[The Man in the Moon]]'', ''[[Monty Python and the Holy Grail]]'', ''[[Nobody's Fool (1994 film)|Nobody's Fool]]'', ''[[Absence of Malice]]'', anything by [[w:Alfred Hitchcock|Alfred Hitchcock]] (especially ''[[Shadow of a Doubt]]'', ''[[Rear Window]]'', ''[[North by Northwest]]'' and ''[[Rope (film)|Rope]]''), anything by [[Akira Kurosawa]], and maybe ''[[Halloween (1978 film)|Halloween]]'' (There. How's that for diverse?). As for TV, as with many WQ people, I am a devout ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer|Buffy]]'' fan. I would also include among my favorites ''[[Severance (TV series)|Severance]]'', ''[[Midnight Mass (miniseries)|Midnight Mass]]'', ''[[Mr. Robot]]'', ''[[The Handmaid's Tale (TV series)|The Handmaid's Tale]]'', ''[[The Leftovers (TV series)|The Leftovers]]'', ''[[Stranger Things (TV series)|Stranger Things]]'', ''[[Shameless (U.S. TV series)|Shameless]]'', ''[[Homeland (TV series)‎|Homeland]]'', ''[[Alias (TV series)|Alias]]'', ''[[Lost (TV series)|Lost]]'', ''[[Friday Night Lights (TV series)|Friday Night Lights]]'', ''[[Veronica Mars]]'', ''[[Gilmore Girls]]'', ''[[Cheers (TV series)|Cheers]]'', ''[[Homicide: Life on the Street]]'', ''[[My So-Called Life]]'', ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'', ''[[The West Wing]]'', ''[[The Wire]]'', ''[[The Shield]]'', ''[[True Blood (TV series)|True Blood]]'', ''[[Breaking Bad]]'', ''[[Chuck (TV series)|Chuck]]'', ''[[Mad Men]]'', ''[[Damages (TV series)|Damages]]'', ''[[Fringe]]'', ''[[Rescue Me]]'', ''[[The Wonder Years]]'', ''[[Justified (TV series)|Justified]]'', ''[[Sons of Anarchy]]'', and ''[[The Twilight Zone]]''. My favorite authors would include [[Stephen King]], [[Charles Dickens]], [[Rainer Maria Rilke]], [[Ray Bradbury]], [[T. S. Eliot]], [[Neil Gaiman]] (love, love, love ''[[American Gods]]''), [[George Orwell]], [[George Bernard Shaw]], and [[G. K. Chesterton]]. 

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And: I am HUGE fan of [[Dinosaur Comics]]! It ROCKS! 

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While my interests in Wikiquote primarily focus on films and a few of my favorite TV shows, you never know where I'll pop up. I especially like to rescue pages marked for deletion (if rescue is warranted) and to expand pages that are languishing.

== Useful stuff ==
* [[Help:Starting a new page]]
* [[Help:Editing]]
* [[User:Jeffq/Admin shortcuts]]
* [[User:Ningauble/Useful/VFD tips]]
* [[User:HouseOfChange/Useful]]
* [[Wikiquote:Template messages/User talk]]
* [[Wikiquote:Shortcuts]]
* [[:Category:Wikiquote maintenance]]
* [[Special:Specialpages|Special pages]]
* [[Special:LintErrors|Lint]]
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* &lt;code&gt;&lt;nowiki&gt;{{quotation limit|type=tv|length= }}&lt;/nowiki&gt;&lt;/code&gt;
* &lt;code&gt;&lt;nowiki&gt;{{quotation limit|type=film|length= }}&lt;/nowiki&gt;&lt;/code&gt;
* To split into two columns: &lt;code&gt;&lt;nowiki&gt;{{col-begin}}{{col-2}}{{col-2}}{{col-end}}&lt;/nowiki&gt;&lt;/code&gt;
* [[m:Promoting users|Promoting users]] (for Bots, Admins, etc.)

== Favorite quotes ==
* I hear you say 'Why?' Always 'Why?' You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'
** [[George Bernard Shaw]], ''Back to Methuselah'', Pt. I, Act I (1921)

* The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
** [[George Bernard Shaw]], ''Revolutionist's Handbook''

* A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Thoughts on Various Subjects'' (1727)

* There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person.
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''[[Heretics (book)|Heretics]]'', Chapter III: &quot;On Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Making the World Small&quot; (1905)

* The changing wisdom of successive generations discards ideas, questions facts, demolishes theories. But the artist appeals to that part of our being which is not dependent on wisdom: to that in us which is a gift and not an acquisition — and, therefore, more permanently enduring. He speaks to our capacity for delight and wonder, to the sense of mystery surrounding our lives; to our sense of pity, and beauty, and pain; to the latent feeling of fellowship with all creation — and to the subtle but invincible, conviction of solidarity that knits together the loneliness of innumerable hearts: to the solidarity in dreams, in joy, in sorrow, in aspirations, in illusions, in hope, in fear, which binds men to each other, which binds together all humanity — the dead to the living and the living to the unborn.
** [[Joseph Conrad]], ''[[The Nigger of the &quot;Narcissus&quot;]]'', Preface (1897)

* A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''[[The Everlasting Man]]'', Part II: On the Man Called Christ, Ch. 6: The Five Deaths of the Faith (1925)

* All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.
** [[Albert Einstein]], &quot;Moral Decay&quot; (1937); Later published in Out of My Later Years (1950)

* Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.
** [[Albert Einstein]], Letter to Morris Raphael Cohen, professor emeritus of philosophy at the College of the City of New York, defending the appointment of [[Bertrand Russell]] to a teaching position (19 March 1940)

* The important thing is not to stop questioning; curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when contemplating the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of the mystery every day. The important thing is not to stop questioning; never lose a holy curiosity.
** [[Albert Einstein]], Statement to William Miller, as quoted in LIFE magazine (2 May 1955)

* The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.
** [[Albert Einstein]], ''Mein Weltbild (My World-view)'' (1931)

* Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''Self Reliance'', from ''[[s:Essays: First Series|Essays: First Series]]'' (1841)

* This I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.
** [[John Steinbeck]], ''[[w:East of Eden|East of Eden]]'', Part 1, Ch. 13

* Humankind has become so much one family that we cannot ensure our own prosperity except by ensuring that of everyone else. If you wish to be happy yourself, you must resign yourself to seeing others also happy.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], &quot;The Science to Save Us from Science,&quot; ''The New York Times Magazine'' (March 19, 1950)

* Do I dare&lt;br&gt;Disturb the universe?&lt;br&gt;In a minute there is time&lt;br&gt;For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
** [[T.S. Eliot]], ''[[w:The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock|The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock]]'' (1915)

* This is the way the world ends&lt;br&gt;Not with a bang but a whimper.
** [[T.S. Eliot]], ''[[w:The Hollow Men|The Hollow Men]]'' (1925)

* His tired gaze - from passing endless bars - &lt;br&gt; has turned into a vacant stare which nothing holds. &lt;br&gt; To him there seem to be a thousand bars, &lt;br&gt; and out beyond these bars exists no world. &lt;p&gt; His supple gait, the smoothness of strong strides &lt;br&gt; that gently turn in ever smaller circles &lt;br&gt; perform a dance of strength, centered deep within &lt;br&gt; a will, stunned, but untamed, indomitable. &lt;p&gt; But sometimes the curtains of his eyelids part, &lt;br&gt; the pupils of his eyes dilate as images &lt;br&gt; of past encounters enter while through his limbs &lt;br&gt; a tension strains in silence &lt;br&gt; only to cease to be, to die within his heart.
** [[Rainer Maria Rilke]], ''The Panther'' (1907), translated by Albert Ernest Flemming
 
* Before I built a wall I’d ask to know&lt;br&gt;What I was walling in or walling out, &lt;br&gt;And to whom I was like to give offence.&lt;br&gt;Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,&lt;br&gt;That wants it down.
** [[Robert Frost]], ''Mending Wall'' (1915)

* Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—&lt;br&gt;I took the one less traveled by,&lt;br&gt;And that has made all the difference.
** [[Robert Frost]], ''The Road Not Taken'' (1916)

* I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! 
** [[Patrick Henry]], ''Speech in Virginia Convention'', Richmond (March 23, 1775)

* Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.
** [[Stephen King]], ''Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption'', from ''Different Seasons'' (1982)

* I met a traveller from an antique land&lt;br&gt;Who said:&amp;mdash;Two vast and trunkless legs of stone&lt;br&gt;Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,&lt;br&gt;Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown&lt;br&gt;And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command&lt;br&gt;Tell that its sculptor well those passions read&lt;br&gt;Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,&lt;br&gt;The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.&lt;br&gt;And on the pedestal these words appear:&lt;br&gt;&quot;My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:&lt;br&gt;Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!&quot;&lt;br&gt;Nothing beside remains: round the decay&lt;br&gt;Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,&lt;br&gt;The lone and level sands stretch far away.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''Ozymandius'' (1818)

* Truth, after all, wears a different face to everybody, and it would be too tedious to wait till all were agreed. She is said to lie at the bottom of a well, for the very reason, perhaps, that whoever looks down in search of her sees his own image at the bottom, and is persuaded not only that he has seen the goddess, but that she is far better looking than he had imagined. 
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''On Democracy'' (October 6, 1884)

* Life and death, union and separation, follow hard upon one another. Nothing is steadfast but the will, nothing endures but one’s achieve­ments. These alone count in life. 
** [[Yoshida Shoin]], ''Yoshida Shoin Zenshu'', Vol. II

* No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else.
** [[Charles Dickens]], ''Our Mutual Friend'' (1864-1865)

* He is truly a man who will not permit himself to be unduly elated when fortune’s breeze is favorable, or cast down when it is adverse.
** [[Livy|Titus Livius]] (Livy), ''Histories'', Book XLV, sec. 8

* A person is a person because he recognizes others as persons.
** [[Desmond Tutu]], Address at his enthronement as Anglican archbishop of Cape Town (7 September 1986)

* ''Lo maggior don che Dio per sua larghezza&lt;br&gt;fesse creando, e a la sua bontate&lt;br&gt;più conformato, e quel ch'e' più apprezza,&lt;br&gt;fu de la volontà la libertate;&lt;br&gt;di che le creature intelligenti,&lt;br&gt;e tutte e sole, fuore e son dotate.''
** The greatest gift that God in His bounty made in creation,&lt;br&gt;and the most conformable to His goodness,&lt;br&gt;and that which He prizes the most,&lt;br&gt;was the freedom of will,&lt;br&gt;with which the creatures with intelligence,&lt;br&gt;they all and they alone, were and are endowed.
** [[Dante Alighieri]], ''[[The Divine Comedy]]'', ''Paradiso'', Canto V, lines 19-24

* Do... or do not. There is no try. 
** [[Yoda]], ''[[Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back]]'' (1980)

* Gods die. And when they truly die they are unmourned and unremembered. Ideas are more difficult to kill than people, but they can be killed, in the end.
** [[Neil Gaiman]], ''[[American Gods]]'', ch. 3 (2001)

* There's never been a true war that wasn't fought between two sets of people who were certain they were in the right. The really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous.
** [[Neil Gaiman]], ''[[American Gods]]'', ch. 9 (2001)

* Creativity is seeing what everyone else sees, but then thinking a new thought that has never been thought before and expressing it somehow.
** [[Neil deGrasse Tyson]], {{cite web|url=http://www.convergemag.com/stem/Global-Ideas-from-Plutos-Challenger.html |title=Global Ideas from Pluto's Challenger |accessdate=December 7, 2010 |author=Marina Leight |date=May 21, 2009}}

== To do ==
=== Additions ===
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* Finish adding to and cleaning up ''[[Brothers &amp; Sisters (2006 TV series)]]'' - Completed Season 1
* Finish ''[[St. Elsewhere]]'' - Completed Seasons 1-3
* Finish ''[[Hill Street Blues]]'' - Completed Season 1, 2, 3
* Finish ''[[Soap (TV series)|Soap]] - Completed Seasons 1, 2
* Work on pages from [[Wikiquote:Academy Award nominated screenplays]] 
* Bring [[Dinosaur Comics]] up to date
* Work on [[:Category:Move into Wikiquote]]
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=== Trimming ===
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* Trim ''[[Shameless (American TV series)]]'' season pages
* Work on [[:Category:Pages which need their copyright status checked]]
* Trim ''[[CSI: NY]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim ''[[Supernatural (TV series)]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim ''[[NCIS (TV series)]]''
* Trim ''[[CSI: Crime Scene Investigation]]''
* Trim ''[[Angel (TV series)]]''
* Trim ''[[The Golden Girls]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim ''[[Charmed (TV series)]]''
* Trim ''[[Bones (TV series)]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim ''[[Malcolm in the Middle‎]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim [[Josiah Gregg]]
* Trim ''[[One Tree Hill]]'' - completed Season 1
* Trim ''[[Dexter (TV series)|Dexter]]'' - completed Seasons 1, 2
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=== Other ===
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* Complete diffusion of categories within [[:Category:Women by occupation]]
* &lt;s&gt;Complete diffusion of [[:Category:Women scientists]]&lt;/s&gt;
* Work on [[:Category:Categories requiring diffusion]]
* Work on [[:Category:Articles to be merged]]
* Work on [[Special:UncategorizedPages]]
* Work on [[:Category:Articles lacking sources]]
* Complete cleanup of [[:Category:Films by director]] - completed through S
* Complete cleanup of ''[[The X-Files]]'' - Completed through Season 1
* Add character &amp; episode links to ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'' - Completed through Season 2
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=== Completed ===
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* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Welcome Back, Kotter]]'' seasons&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Finish trimming &amp; formatting ''[[Malcolm in the Middle]]'' &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) (season 5)]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Finish cleaning up [[:Category:Activists]]&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Grey's Anatomy]]'' pages - completed Seasons 1-12&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Homicide: Life on the Street]]'' seasons&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Homicide: Life on the Street]]'', add character wikilinks&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Veronica Mars]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add custom TOC to ''[[Veronica Mars]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Finish trimming ''[[Smallville]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Ed (TV series)|Ed]]'' seasons&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Finish trimming ''[[Alias (TV series)|Alias]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Finish trimming ''[[The West Wing]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Season 7]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[NewsRadio]]'' &lt;/s&gt; ''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Three Days of the Condor]]'' &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[It's a Wonderful Life]]'' &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Donnie Darko]]'' &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Separate out the [[Hellraiser]] films into their own pages, create disambig page for the series (as was done with the [[A Nightmare on Elm Street]] films)&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add page for ''[[Big Love]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[WKRP in Cincinnati]]'' seasons&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim and clean up ''[[Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008 TV series)]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add to [[Lionel Richie]]&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Separate out the [[James Bond]] films into their own pages, create disambig page&lt;/s&gt;. '''Completed'''
** &lt;s&gt;Completed for ''[[Dr. No (film)|Dr. No]]'', ''[[Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger]]'', ''[[On Her Majesty's Secret Service (film)|On Her Majesty's Secret Service]]'' ''[[Thunderball (film)|Thunderball]]'', ''[[You Only Live Twice (film)|You Only Live Twice]]'', ''[[On Her Majesty's Secret Service (film)|On Her Majesty's Secret Service]]'', ''[[Diamonds Are Forever (film)|Diamonds Are Forever]]'', ''[[Live and Let Die (film)|Live and Let Die]]'', ''[[The Man with the Golden Gun (film)|The Man with the Golden Gun]]'', ''[[The Spy Who Loved Me (film)|The Spy Who Loved Me]]'', ''[[Moonraker (film)|Moonraker]]'', ''[[For Your Eyes Only (film)|For Your Eyes Only]]'', ''[[Tomorrow Never Dies]]'', ''[[The World Is Not Enough]]'', and ''[[Octopussy]]''.&lt;/s&gt;
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Cheers (TV series)|Cheers]]''&lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Grey's Anatomy]]'' and fix char links &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add a page for [[Holland-Dozier-Holland]] (Motown songwriters) &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add [[The Beach Boys]] &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add page for [[Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller]], songwriters &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[The Shield]]'' seasons &lt;/s&gt;  '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Magnum, P.I.]]'' seasons &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add page for [[The Allman Brothers Band]] &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Everwood]]'' seasons &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Add pages for remaining [[Martin Scorsese]] films &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Monk (TV series)]]'' &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Create separate pages for each of the ''[[Highlander]]'' films &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Complete ''[[Jericho (TV series)|Jericho]]'' episodes &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
* &lt;s&gt;Trim ''[[Family Feud]]'' and other game show pages. &lt;/s&gt; '''Completed'''
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== Wikiquote pages ==
=== I created ===
==== Films ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt; 
:''[[12 Years a Slave (film)|12 Years a Slave]]'' ~ ''[[13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi]]'' ~ ''[[20th Century Women]]'' ~ ''[[The 39 Steps (1935 film)|39 Steps, The (1935 film)]]'' ~ ''[[50/50 (2011 film)|50/50]]'' ~ ''[[127 Hours]]'' ~ ''[[The 400 Blows|400 Blows, The]]'' ~ ''[[The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T|5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, The]]'' ~ ''[[8½]]'' ~ ''[[A Star Is Born (1954 film)|Star is Born, A (1954 film)]]'' ~ ''[[About Last Night...]]'' ~ ''[[Absence of Malice]]'' ~ ''[[Absolute Power (film)|Absolute Power]]'' ~ ''[[The Accidental Tourist (film)|Accidental Tourist, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Accused (1988 film)|Accused, The (1988 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Adam's Rib]]'' ~ ''[[The Adjustment Bureau|Adjustment Bureau, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Adventures of Robin Hood (film)|Adventures of Robin Hood, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (film)|Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The]]'' ~ ''[[The African Queen|African Queen, The]]'' ~ ''[[After Dark, My Sweet]]'' ~ ''[[After Hours (film)|After Hours]]'' ~ ''[[Aguirre, the Wrath of God]]'' ~ ''[[The Alamo (1960 film)|Alamo, The (1960 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Albatross (film)|Albatross]]'' ~ ''[[Alfie (1966 film)|Alfie]]'' ~ ''[[Albino Alligator]]'' ~ ''[[Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore]]'' ~ ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (2022 film)]]'' ~ ''[[All the King's Men (1949 film)]]'' ~ ''[[All the Right Moves]]'' ~ ''[[Almost Famous]]'' ~ ''[[Amarcord]]'' ~ ''[[American Fiction (film)|American Fiction]]'' ~ ''[[American Graffiti]]'' ~ ''[[American Me]]'' ~ ''[[American Pie]]'' ~ ''[[American Pie 2]]'' ~ ''[[An American in Paris]]'' ~ ''[[American Sniper (film)|American Sniper]]'' ~ ''[[The Americanization of Emily|Americanization of Emily, The]]'' ~ ''[[Amistad (film)|Amistad]]'' ~ ''[[Amour (2012 film)|Amour]]'' ~ ''[[An Education]]'' ~ ''[[Anatomy of a Murder]]'' ~ ''[[...And Justice for All (film)|...And Justice For All]]'' ~ ''[[And the Band Played On (film)|And the Band Played On]]'' ~ ''[[Angels Over Broadway]]'' ~ ''[[Angels with Dirty Faces]]'' ~ ''[[Animal Crackers (film)|Animal Crackers]]'' ~ ''[[Anora]]'' ~  ''[[Antwone Fisher (film)|Antwone Fisher]]'' ~ ''[[Apocalypto]]'' ~ ''[[Apt Pupil (film)|Apt Pupil]]'' ~ ''[[Around the World in 80 Days (1956 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Arrival (film)|Arrival]]'' ~ ''[[Assassination of a High School President]]'' ~ ''[[The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford|Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, The]]'' ~ ''[[Atlantic City (1980 film)|Atlantic City]]'' ~ ''[[Au revoir les enfants]]'' ~ ''[[Avalon (1990 film)|Avalon]]'' ~ ''[[Away from Her]]'' ~ ''[[The Awful Truth|Awful Truth, The]]'' ~ ''[[Backrooms]]'' ~ ''[[The Bad and the Beautiful|Bad and the Beautiful, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bad Day at Black Rock]]'' ~ ''[[Bad Moms]]'' ~ ''[[Bad Taste]]'' ~ ''[[Badlands (film)|Badlands]]'' ~ ''[[Bananas (film)|Bananas]]'' ~ ''[[The Banshees of Inisherin|Banshees of Inisherin, The]]'' ~ ''[[Barbarian (2022 film)|Barbarian]]'' ~ ''[[Barcelona (film)|Barcelona]]'' ~ ''[[Barry Lyndon]]'' ~ ''[[Batman (1966 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Battle of Algiers|Battle of Algiers, The]]'' ~ ''[[Beasts of the Southern Wild]]'' ~ ''[[Beau Geste (1939 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Beautiful Girls (film)|Beautiful Girls]]'' ~ ''[[The Beast of Yucca Flats|Beast of Yucca Flats, The]]'' ~ ''[[Before Midnight (film)|Before Midnight]]'' ~ ''[[Belfast (film)|Belfast]]'' ~ ''[[The Believer (film)|Believer, The]]'' ~ ''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Best in Show]]'' ~ ''[[Best Laid Plans (1999 film)|Best Laid Plans]]'' ~ ''[[The Best Years of Our Lives|Best Years of Our Lives, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bicycle Thieves]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Chill (film)|The Big Chill]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Easy (film)|Big Easy, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Red One|Big Red One, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Short (film)|Big Short, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Sleep (1946 film)|Big Sleep, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Birds|Birds, The]]'' ~ ''[[Birdman (film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Black Cat (1934 film)|Black Cat, The]]'' ~ ''[[Black Swan (film)|Black Swan]]'' ~ ''[[Blackboard Jungle]]'' ~ ''[[BlacKkKlansman]]'' ~ ''[[The Blood on Satan's Claw|Blood on Satan's Claw. The]]'' ~ ''[[Blood Simple]]'' ~ ''[[Bloody Sunday (film)|Bloody Sunday]]'' ~ ''[[Blow Out]]'' ~ ''[[Blue Chips]]'' ~ ''[[Blue Collar (film)|Blue Collar]]'' ~ ''[[The Blue Dahlia|Blue Dahlia, The]]'' ~ ''[[Blue Jasmine]]'' ~ ''[[Blue Velvet]]'' ~ ''[[Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice]]'' ~ ''[[Bohemian Rhapsody (film)|Bohemian Rhapsody]]'' ~ ''[[The Bold Caballero|Bold Caballero, The]]'' ~ ''[[Booksmart]]'' ~ ''[[Borat Subsequent Moviefilm]]'' ~ ''[[Boyhood (film)|Boyhood]]'' ~ ''[[The Boys from Brazil (film)|Boys from Brazil, The]]'' ~ ''[[Boys Town (film)|Boys Town]]'' ~ ''[[Boyz n the Hood]]'' ~ ''[[Breaking Away]]'' ~ ''[[Brian's Song]]'' ~ ''[[Bridge of Spies (film)|Bridge of Spies]]'' ~ ''[[Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia]]'' ~ ''[[Broadcast News (film)|Broadcast News]]'' ~ ''[[Brooklyn (film)|Brooklyn]]'' ~ ''[[The Brothers McMullen|Brothers McMullen, The]]'' ~ ''[[Brubaker]]'' ~ ''[[The Brutalist|Brutalist, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bugonia (film)|Bugonia]]'' ~ ''[[Bull Durham]]'' ~ ''[[Bullitt]]'' ~ ''[[Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (film)|Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee]]'' ~ ''[[The Cabin in the Woods|Cabin in the Woods, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Caine Mutiny (film)|Caine Mutiny, The]]'' ~ ''[[Camille (1936 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Can't Buy Me Love]]'' ~ ''[[The Candidate (1972 film)|Candidate, The]]'' ~ ''[[Candy (2006 film)|Candy]]'' ~ ''[[Cape Fear (1991 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Capricorn One]]'' ~ ''[[Captain Phillips (film)|Captain Phillips]]'' ~ ''[[Carnal Knowledge]]'' ~ ''[[Carol (film)|Carol]]'' ~ ''[[Casualties of War]]'' ~ ''[[Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (film)|Cat on a Hot Tin Roof]]'' ~ ''[[Chasing Amy]]'' ~ ''[[Children of Paradise]]'' ~ ''[[Children of the Corn (1984 film)|Children of the Corn]]'' ~ ''[[China Seas (film)|China Seas]]'' ~ ''[[Chloe (film)|Chloe]]'' ~ ''[[Chocolat (2000 film)|Chocolat]]'' ~ ''[[A Chorus Line (film)|Chorus Line, A]]'' ~ ''[[Christine (1983 film)|Christine]]'' ~ ''[[The Cincinnati Kid|Cincinnati Kid, The]]'' ''[[City of Angels]]'' ~ ''[[Class of Nuke 'Em High]]'' ~ ''[[Close Encounters Of The Third Kind]]'' ~ ''[[Cobra (1986 film)|Cobra]]'' ~ ''[[Collateral]]'' ~ ''[[The Color Purple (1985 film)|Color Purple, The (1985)]]'' ~ ''[[Coma (1978 film)|Coma]]'' ~ ''[[Coming Home]]'' ~ ''[[The Commitments|Commitments, The]]'' ~ ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'' ~ ''[[Compulsion (film)|Compulsion]]'' ~ ''[[Conclave (film)|Conclave]]'' ~ ''[[The Constant Gardener (film)|Constant Gardener, The]]'' ~ ''[[Contagion (film)|Contagion]]'' ~ ''[[The Contender (film)|Contender, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Country Girl (1954 film)|Country Girl, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Conversation|Conversation, The]]'' ~  ''[[Crazy Rich Asians (film)|Crazy Rich Asians]]'' ~ ''[[Cries and Whispers]]'' ~ ''[[Crimewave]]'' ~ ''[[Crimson Tide]]'' ~ ''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]'' ~ ''[[Croupier (film)|Croupier]]'' ~ ''[[Cry Freedom]]'' ~ ''[[The Crying Game|Crying Game, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dallas Buyers Club]]'' ~ ''[[Dances with Wolves]]'' ~ ''[[Dark Passage (film)‎|Dark Passage]]'' ~ ''[[Dave (film)|Dave]]'' ~ ''[[Day for Night (film)|Day for Night]]'' ~ ''[[The Day of the Jackal (film)|Day of the Jackal, The]]'' ~ ''[[D.E.B.S.]]'' ~ ''[[Dead Calm (film)|Dead Calm]]'' ~ ''[[Dead Man Walking (film)|Dead Man Walking]]'' ~ ''[[The Dead Zone (film)|Dead Zone, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Deer Hunter|Deer Hunter, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Defiant Ones|Defiant Ones, The]]'' ~ ''[[Deliverance]]'' ~ ''[[The Descendants (film)|Descendants, The]]'' ~ ''[[Destry Rides Again]]'' ~ ''[[Devil in a Blue Dress (film)|Devil in a Blue Dress]]'' ~ ''[[Dial M for Murder]]'' ~ ''[[The Dirty Dozen|Dirty Dozen, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (film)]]'' ~ ''[[Disturbing Behavior]]'' ~ ''[[Dodsworth (film)|Dodsworth]]'' ~ ''[[Don Jon]]'' ~ ''[[Don Q, Son of Zorro]]'' ~ ''[[Don't Look Up]]'' ~ ''[[The Doors (film)|Doors, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dr. Ehrlich's Magic Bullet]]'' ~ ''[[Dracula (1958 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Dracula: Prince of Darkness]]'' ~ ''[[Dracula's Daughter]]'' ~ ''[[Dreamscape (1984 film)|Dreamscape]]'' ~ ''[[Dressed to Kill (1980 film)|Dressed to Kill]]'' ~ ''[[Drowning Mona]]'' ~ ''[[Drugstore Cowboy]]'' ~ ''[[Drumline (film)|Drumline]]'' ~ ''[[Duck Soup]]'' ~ ''[[Duel in the Sun (film)|Duel in the Sun]]'' ~ ''[[Easy Rider]]'' ~ ''[[The Edge of Seventeen|Edge of Seventeen, The]]'' ~ ''[[Educating Rita (film)|Educating Rita]]'' ~ ''[[Eight Men Out]]'' ~ ''[[Election (1999 film)|Election]]'' ~ ''[[Elizabeth (film)|Elizabeth]]'' ~ ''[[Elmer Gantry (film)|Elmer Gantry]]'' ~ ''[[Elves (film)|Elves]]'' ~ ''[[The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain|Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, The]]'' ~ ''[[Escape from New York]]'' ~ ''[[Everest (2015 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Everybody Wants Some!! (film)|Everybody Wants Some!!]]'' ~ ''[[Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)]]'' ~ ''[[The Evil Dead|Evil Dead, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Exorcist|Exorcist, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Fabelmans]]'' ~ ''[[The Fabulous Baker Boys|Fabulous Baker Boys, The]]'' ~ ''[[A Face in the Crowd (film)|Face in the Crowd, A]]'' ~ ''[[Faces (1968 film)|Faces]]'' ~ ''[[Far from Heaven]]'' ~ ''[[Farewell, My Lovely (1975 film)|Farewell, My Lovely (1975)]]'' ~ ''[[Fatal Attraction]]'' ~ ''[[The Father (2020 film)|Father, The]]'' ~ ''[[Father of the Bride (1991 film)|Father of the Bride]]'' ~ ''[[The Favourite (film)|Favourite, The]]'' ~ ''[[Fences (film)|Fences]]'' ~ ''[[The Fighter|Fighter, The]]'' ~ ''[[First Knight]]'' ~ ''[[First Reformed]]'' ~ ''[[Five Easy Pieces]]'' ~ ''[[Five Minutes of Heaven]]'' ~ ''[[Force 10 from Navarone (film)|Force 10 from Navarone]]'' ~ ''[[Foreign Correspondent (film)|Foreign Correspondent]]'' ~ ''[[The Formula (1980 film)|Formula, The]]'' ~ ''[[Fort Apache, The Bronx]]'' ~ ''[[Foxcatcher (film)|Foxcatcher]]'' ~ ''[[Frailty]]'' ~ ''[[Frances Ha]]'' ~ ''[[The French Connection (film)|French Connection, The]]'' ~ ''[[Frenzy]]'' ~ ''[[Friday Night Lights (film)|Friday Night Lights]]'' ~ ''[[The Friends of Eddie Coyle|Friends of Eddie Coyle, The]]'' ~ ''[[From Here to Eternity]]'' ~ ''[[Frost/Nixon (film)|Frost/Nixon]]'' ~ ''[[Funny Farm (film)|Funny Farm]]'' ~ ''[[Fury (1936 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Gallipoli (1981 film)|Gallipoli]]'' ~ ''[[Gandhi (film)|Gandhi]]'' ~ ''[[Gaslight (1944 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Get Out (film)|Get Out]]'' ~ ''[[The Getaway (1972 film)|Getaway, The (1972)]]'' ~ ''[[Giant (1956 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Giant Claw|Giant Claw, The]]'' ~ ''[[Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery]]'' ~ ''[[Glen or Glenda]]'' ~ ''[[The Glenn Miller Story|Glenn Miller Story, The]]'' ~ ''[[Glory (film)|Glory]]'' ~ ''[[Go (1999 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Godfather: Part II|Godfather, The: Part II]]'' ~ ''[[Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939 film)|Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Grand Budapest Hotel|Grand Budapest Hotel, The]]'' ~ ''[[Grand Canyon (1991 film)|Grand Canyon]]'' ~ ''[[The Grapes of Wrath (film)|Grapes of Wrath, The]]'' ~ ''[[Gravity (film)|Gravity]]'' ~ ''[[The Great McGinty|Great McGinty, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Greatest Show on Earth (film)|Greatest Show on Earth, The]]'' ~ ''[[Green Book (film)|Green Book]]'' ~ ''[[Green Room (film)|Green Room]]'' ~ ''[[Green Zone (film)|Green Zone]]'' ~ ''[[Greenberg (film)|Greenberg]]'' ~ ''[[The Grifters (film)|Grifters, The]]'' ~ ''[[Guarding Tess]]'' ~ ''[[Gun Crazy]]'' ~ ''[[Gung Ho (film)|Gung Ho]]'' ~ ''[[The Guns of Navarone (film)|Guns of Navarone, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hacksaw Ridge]]'' ~ ''[[Hail the Conquering Hero]]'' ~ ''[[Halloween (1978 film)|Halloween]]'' ~ ''[[Hamburger Hill]]'' ~ ''[[Hamnet (film)|Hamnet]]'' ~ ''[[Hannah and Her Sisters]]'' ~ ''[[The Happening (2008 film)|Happening, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hard Candy (film)|Hard Candy]]'' ~ ''[[Hard Eight (film)|Hard Eight]]'' ~ ''[[Harry and Tonto]]'' ~ ''[[The Hateful Eight|Hateful Eight, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hellbound: Hellraiser II]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser: Bloodline]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser: Inferno]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser: Hellseeker]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser: Deader]]'' ~ ''[[Hellraiser: Hellworld]]'' ~ ''[[Her (film)|Her]]'' ~ ''[[Hereditary (film)|Hereditary]]'' ~ ''[[Heretic (film)|Heretic]]'' ~ ''[[Hidden Figures]]'' ~ ''[[The Hidden Fortress|Hidden Fortress, The]]'' ~ ''[[High and Low (1963 film)|High and Low]]'' ~ ''[[High Noon]]'' ~ ''[[Holiday Inn (film)|Holiday Inn]]'' ~ ''[[Il Postino]]'' ~ ''[[His Girl Friday]]'' ~ ''[[The Holdovers|Holdovers, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hollywood Shuffle]]'' ~ ''[[Homicide (1991 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Hoosiers]]'' ~ ''[[Horse Feathers]]'' ~ ''[[The Hot Spot|Hot Spot, The]]'' ~''[[The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939 film)|Hound of the Baskervilles, The (1939 film)]]'' ~ ''[[House of Usher (film)|House of Usher]]'' ~ ''[[Houseboat (film)|Houseboat]]'' ~ ''[[How Green Was My Valley (film)|How Green Was My Valley]]'' ~ ''[[How the West Was Won (film)|How the West Was Won]]'' ~ ''[[Hud (film)|Hud]]'' ~ ''[[The Human Comedy (film)|Human Comedy, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Hustler|Hustler, The]]'' ~ ''[[I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang]]'' ~ ''[[The Ides of March (film)|Ides of March]]'' ~ ''[[If....]]'' ~ ''[[If Beale Street Could Talk (film)|If Beale Street Could Talk]]'' ~ ''[[Imagine Me &amp; You]]'' ~ ''[[The Imitation Game|Imitation Game, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Impossible (2012 film)|Impossible, The]]'' ~ ''[[In &amp; Out]]'' ~ ''[[In a Lonely Place]]'' ~ ''[[In Cold Blood (film)|In Cold Blood]]'' ~ ''[[In the Line of Fire]]'' ~ ''[[In the Name of the Father (film)|In the Name of the Father]]'' ~ ''[[In Which We Serve]]'' ~ ''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Invisible Man (2020 film)|Invisible Man, The (2020 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Invitation (2015 film)|Invitation, The]]'' ~ ''[[It (2017 film)]]'' ~ ''[[It Conquered the World]]'' ~ ''[[It Follows]]'' ~ ''[[It Happened One Night]]'' ~ ''[[JFK (film)|JFK]]'' ~ ''[[Jacob's Ladder (film)|Jacob's Ladder]]'' ~ ''[[Jailhouse Rock (film)|Jailhouse Rock]]'' ~ ''[[Jigsaw (1949 film)|Jigsaw]]'' ~ ''[[Joe Versus the Volcano]]'' ~ ''[[John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]'' ~ ''[[John Wick: Chapter 2]]'' ~ ''[[John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum]]'' ~ ''[[Judas and the Black Messiah]]'' ~ ''[[Just Before Dawn (1981 film)|Just Before Dawn]]'' ~ ''[[Just One of the Guys]]'' ~ ''[[K2 (film)|K2]]'' ~ ''[[Kagemusha]]'' ~ ''[[The Kentucky Fried Movie|Kentucky Fried Movie, The]]'' ~ ''[[Kicking and Screaming]]'' ~ ''[[The Kids Are All Right (film)|Kids Are All Right, The]]'' ~ ''[[Khartoum (1966 film)|Khartoum]]'' ~''[[The Killer Inside Me (2010 film)|Killer Inside Me, The]]'' ~ ''[[Killer Klowns From Outer Space]]'' ~ ''[[The Killing (film)|Killing, The]]'' ~ ''[[The King of Comedy (1983 film)|The King of Comedy]]'' ~ ''[[King of New York]]'' ~ ''[[The King's Speech|King's Speech, The]]'' ~ ''[[Kings Row]]'' ~ ''[[Kiss Me Deadly]]'' ~ ''[[Klute]]'' ~ ''[[Knives Out]]'' ~ ''[[La La Land (film)|La La Land]]'' ~ ''[[La Strada]]'' ~ ''[[Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird]]'' ~ ''[[The Lady Eve|Lady Eve, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Lady from Shanghai|Lady from Shanghai, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Lady Vanishes (1938 film)|Lady Vanishes, The (1938 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Last Days of Disco|Last Days of Disco, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Last Detail|Last Detail, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Last King of Scotland (film)|Last King of Scotland, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Last of the Mohicans (1992 film)|Last of the Mohicans, The (1992 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Last Picture Show|Last Picture Show, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Last Seduction|Last Seduction, The]]'' ~ ''[[Laura (1944 film)|Laura]]'' ~ ''[[The Lavender Hill Mob|Lavender Hill Mob, The]]'' ~ ''[[Leave Her to Heaven]]'' ~ ''[[Leaving Las Vegas]]'' ~ ''[[The Letter (1940 film)|Letter, The (1940 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Letter from an Unknown Woman (1948 film)]]'' ~ ''[[A Letter to Three Wives|Letter to Three Wives, A]]'' ~ ''[[Licorice Pizza]]'' ~ ''[[The Life of David Gale|Life of David Gale, The]]'' ~ ''[[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]]'' ~ ''[[The Limey|Limey, The]]'' ~ ''[[Lincoln (2012 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Lincoln Lawyer (film)|Lincoln Lawyer, The]]'' ~ ''[[Lion (2016 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Little Caesar (film)|Little Caesar]]'' ~ ''[[The Little Foxes (film)|Little Foxes, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Lives of a Bengal Lancer (film)|Lives of a Bengal Lancer, The]]'' ~ ''[[Living (2022 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Lobster|Lobster, The]]'' ~ ''[[Logan Lucky]]'' ~ ''[[Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels]]'' ~ ''[[Lolita (1962 film)|Lolita (1962 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Lone Star (1996 film)|Lone Star]]'' ~ ''[[The Long Goodbye (film)|Long Goodbye, The]]'' ~ ''[[Longlegs]]'' ~ ''[[Looper (film)|Looper]]'' ~ ''[[Lorenzo's Oil]]'' ~ ''[[Lost Horizon (film)|Lost Horizon]]'' ~ ''[[The Lost Weekend|Lost Weekend, The]]'' ~ ''[[Lucas (film)|Lucas]]'' ~ ''[[MacArthur (film)|MacArthur]]'' ~ ''[[The Magnificent Ambersons (film)|Magnificent Ambersons, The]]'' ~ ''[[Man of the West]]'' ~ ''[[The Man in the Moon|Man in the Moon, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Man Who Wasn't There|Man Who Wasn't There, The]]'' ~ ''[[Manchester by the Sea (film)|Manchester by the Sea]]'' ~ ''[[Margin Call]]'' ~ ''[[Margot at the Wedding]]'' ~ ''[[The Mark of Zorro (1920 film)|Mark of Zorro, The (1920 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Mark of Zorro (1940 film)|Mark of Zorro, The (1940 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Mark of Zorro (1974 film)|Mark of Zorro, The (1974 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Marnie (film)|Marnie]]'' ~ ''[[Marriage Story]]'' ~ ''[[The Martian (film)|Martian, The]]'' ~ ''[[Marty (film)|Marty]]'' ~ ''[[The Masque of the Red Death (1964 film)|Masque of the Red Death]]'' ~ ''[[The Master (2012 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Master of the World (1961 film)]]'' ~ ''[[MaXXXine]]'' ~ ''[[May December]]'' ~ ''[[Mean Streets]]'' ~ ''[[Meatballs (film)|Meatballs]]'' ~ ''[[Meet John Doe]]'' ~ ''[[Meet Me in St. Louis]]'' ~ ''[[Meet the Parents]]'' ~ ''[[The Messenger (2009 film)|Messenger, The]]'' ~ ''[[Metropolis (1927 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Metropolitan (film)|Metropolitan]]'' ~ ''[[Midnight Cowboy]]'' ~ ''[[Midnight Express (film)|Midnight Express]]'' ~ ''[[Midsommar (film)|Midsommar]]'' ~ ''[[Mildred Pierce (film)|Mildred Pierce]]'' ~ ''[[Minari]]'' ~ ''[[The Miracle of Morgan's Creek|Miracle of Morgan's Creek, The]]'' ~ ''[[Miracle on 34th Street]]'' ~ ''[[Mississippi Burning]]'' ~ ''[[The Missouri Breaks|Missouri Breaks, The]]'' ~ ''[[Mr. Holland's Opus]]'' ~ ''[[Mr. Mom]]'' ~ ''[[Mr. Smith Goes to Washington]]'' ~ ''[[Mrs. Miniver (film)|Mrs. Miniver]]'' ~ ''[[Molly's Game]]'' ~ ''[[Money Train]]'' ~ ''[[Moneyball (film)|Moneyball]]'' ~ ''[[Monster's Ball]]'' ~ ''[[Moonlight (2016 film)|Moonlight]]'' ~ ''[[Moonrise Kingdom]]'' ~ ''[[Mother!]]'' ~ ''[[Mud (2012 film)|Mud]]'' ~ ''[[Mudbound (film)|Mudbound]]'' ~ ''[[Murder, My Sweet]]'' ~ ''[[Murder on the Orient Express (1974 film)|Murder on the Orient Express]]'' ~ ''[[Mutiny on the Bounty (1935 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Mutiny on the Bounty (1962 film)]]'' ~ ''[[My Darling Clementine]]'' ~ ''[[My Man Godfrey]]'' ~ ''[[Mystic Pizza]]'' ~ ''[[The Naked City|Naked City, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Natural (film)|Natural, The]]'' ~ ''[[Near Dark]]'' ~ ''[[Nebraska (film)|Nebraska]]'' ~ ''[[Needful Things (film)|Needful Things]]'' ~ ''[[Never Give a Sucker an Even Break|Never Give a Sucker an Even Break]]'' ~ ''[[Never Let Me Go (2010 film)|Never Let Me Go]]'' ~ ''[[New York, New York (film)|New York, New York]]'' ~ ''[[Nickel Boys]]'' ~ ''[[Night Moves (film)|Night Moves]]'' ~ ''[[Night Shift (film)|Night Shift]]'' ~ ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street|Nightmare on Elm Street, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge|Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors|Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master|Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child|Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, A]]'' ~ ''[[Ninotchka]]'' ~ ''[[No Way Out (1950 film)]]'' ~ ''[[No Way Out (1987 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Nomadland (film)|Nomadland]]'' ~ ''[[North by Northwest]]'' ~ ''[[Nosferatu (2024 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Notes on a Scandal (film)|Notes on a Scandal]]'' ~ ''[[Notorious]]'' ~ ''[[Now, Voyager]]'' ~ ''[[O Lucky Man!]]'' ~ ''[[Obsession (2025 film)|Obsession]]'' ~ ''[[Ocean's Thirteen]]'' ~ ''[[Office Christmas Party]]'' ~ ''[[Oklahoma (1955 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Once Upon a Time in Hollywood]]'' ~ ''[[One Battle After Another]]'' ~ ''[[One Night in Miami...]]'' ~ ''[[The Opposite of Sex|Opposite of Sex, The]]'' ~ ''[[Out of the Past]]'' ~ ''[[Out of Sight]]'' ~ ''[[Outside Providence (film)|Outside Providence]]'' ~ ''[[The Package (1989 film)|Package, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Paper Chase (film)|Paper Chase, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Paradine Case|Paradine Case, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Parallax View|Parallax View]]'' ~ ''[[Parasite (2019 film)|Parasite]]'' ~ ''[[Paths of Glory]]'' ~ ''[[The Pawnbroker (film)|The Pawnbroker]]'' ~ ''[[Pay It Forward]]'' ~ ''[[Pearl (2022 film)|Pearl]]'' ~ ''[[Peggy Sue Got Married]]'' ~ ''[[The Pelican Brief (film)|Pelican Brief, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Perks of Being a Wallflower (film)|Perks of Being a Wallflower, The]]'' ~ ''[[Pet Sematary (film)|Pet Sematary]]'' ~ ''[[The Piano|Piano, The]]'' ~ ''[[Pickup on South Street]]'' ~ ''[[Pillow Talk (film)|Pillow Talk]]'' ~ ''[[The Pink Panther (1963 film)|Pink Panther, The (1963)]]'' ~ ''[[Pitch Perfect 2]]'' ~ ''[[Pitch Perfect 3]]'' ~ ''[[Places in the Heart]]'' ~ ''[[Play Misty for Me]]'' ~ ''[[The Player (film)|Player, The]]'' ~ ''[[Point Blank (1967 film)|Point Blank]]'' ~ ''[[Poltergeist (film)|Poltergeist]]'' ~ ''[[Ponette]]'' ~ ''[[Poor Things (film)|Poor Things]]'' ~ ''[[The Post (film)|Post, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Power of the Dog (film)|Power of the Dog, The]]'' ~ ''[[Precious: Based on the Novel &quot;Push&quot; by Sapphire]]'' ~ ''[[Presumed Innocent (film)|Presumed Innocent]]'' ~ ''[[Primal Fear (film)|Primal Fear]]'' ~ ''[[Princess O'Rourke]]'' ~ ''[[Private Parts]]'' ~ ''[[The Producers (1968 film)|Producers (1968 film), The]]'' ~ ''[[The Producers (2005 film)|Producers (2005 film), The]]'' ~ ''[[Project X (2012 film)]]'' ~''[[Prometheus (film)|Prometheus]]'' ~ ''[[Promising Young Woman]]'' ~ ''[[Pump Up the Volume|Pump Up the Volume]]'' ~ ''[[The Purple Rose of Cairo|Purple Rose of Cairo, The]]'' ~ ''[[Q&amp;A (film)|Q&amp;A]]'' ~ ''[[Queen Christina (film)|Queen Christina]]'' ~ ''[[Radio Days]]'' ~ ''[[Raiders of the Lost Ark]]'' ~ ''[[The Rainmaker (1997 film)|Rainmaker, The]]'' ~ ''[[Ransom (1996 film)|Ransom]]'' ~ ''[[The Raven (1963 film)|Raven, The]]'' ~ ''[[Raw Deal (1948 film)|Raw Deal (1948)]]'' ~ ''[[A Real Pain|Real Pain, A]]'' ~ ''[[Rebecca (film)|Rebecca]]'' ~ ''[[Rebel Without a Cause]]'' ~ ''[[Red River (film)|Red River]]'' ~ ''[[Red Rock West]]'' ~ ''[[The Red Shoes (1948 film)|Red Shoes, The]]'' ~ ''[[Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins]]'' ~ ''[[The Revenant (2015 film)|Revenant, The]]'' ~ ''[[Reversal of Fortune]]'' ~ ''[[Risky Business]]'' ~ ''[[A River Runs Through It (film)|A River Runs Through It]]'' ~ ''[[River's Edge]]'' ~ ''[[The Road (film)|Road, The]]'' ~ ''[[Road to Perdition]]'' ~ ''[[The Roaring Twenties|Roaring Twenties, The]]'' ~ ''[[Rob Roy (1995 film)|Rob Roy]]'' ~ ''[[Robot Monster]]'' ~ ''[[RockNRolla]]'' ~ ''[[Rocky II]]'' ~ ''[[Rolling Thunder (film)|Rolling Thunder]]'' ~ ''[[Romancing the Stone]]'' ~ ''[[Room (2015 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Rope (film)|Rope]]'' ~ ''[[Rosemary's Baby (film)|Rosemary's Baby]]'' ~ ''[[The Rules of the Game|Rules of the Game, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Ruling Class|Ruling Class, The]]'' ~ ''[[Running on Empty (1988 film)|Running on Empty]]'' ~ ''[[Rush (1991 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Saboteur (film)|Saboteur]]'' ~ ''[[St. Elmo's Fire (film)|St. Elmo's Fire]]'' ~ ''[[Salvador (film)|Salvador]]'' ~ ''[[Sands of Iwo Jima]]'' ~ ''[[Sanjuro]]'' ~ ''[[Santa Claus Conquers the Martians]]'' ~ ''[[The Savages (film)|Savages, The]]'' ~ ''[[School Ties]]'' ~ ''[[The Science of Sleep|Science of Sleep, The]]'' ~ ''[[Scorpio (film)|Scorpio]]'' ~ ''[[Scott Pilgrim vs. the World]]'' ~ ''[[Sentimental Value]]'' ~ ''[[September 5 (film)|September 5]]'' ~ ''[[The Set-Up (1949 film)|Set-Up, The (1949)]]'' ~ ''[[Seven Brides for Seven Brothers]]'' ~ ''[[Seven Days in May]]'' ~ ''[[The Seventh Veil|Seventh Veil, The]]'' ~ ''[[Sex, Lies, and Videotape]]'' ~ ''[[Sexy Beast]]'' ~ ''[[Shadow of a Doubt]]'' ~ ''[[Shakespeare in Love]]'' ~ ''[[Shampoo (film)|Shampoo]]'' ~ ''[[She's the One]]'' ~ ''[[A Shot in the Dark (1964 film)|Shot in the Dark, A (1964)]]'' ~ ''[[Shutter Island (film)|Shutter Island]]'' ~ ''[[Sicario (2015 film)|Sicario]]'' ~ ''[[Silver Bullet (film)|Silver Bullet]]'' ~ ''[[Silver Linings Playbook]]'' ~ ''[[Silver Streak (1976 film)|Silver Streak]]'' ~ ''[[Singin' In The Rain]]'' ~ ''[[Singles (1992 film)|Singles]]'' ~ ''[[Slacker (film)|slacker]]'' ~ ''[[Sleeping with the Enemy]]'' ~ ''[[Sneakers (1992 film)|Sneakers]]'' ~ ''[[Snowpiercer]]'' ~ ''[[Something Wicked This Way Comes (film)|Something Wicked This Way Comes]]'' ~ ''[[Sometimes in April]]'' ~ ''[[Sorcerer (film)|Sorcerer]]'' ~ ''[[The Sound of Music|Sound of Music, The]]'' ~ ''[[Southland Tales]]'' ~ ''[[The Spanish Prisoner|Spanish Prisoner, The]]'' ~ ''[[Spartan (film)|Spartan]]'' ~ ''[[Speak (film)|Speak]]'' ~ ''[[The Spectacular Now|Spectacular Now, The]]'' ~ ''[[Spotlight (film)|Spotlight]]'' ~ ''[[The Squid and the Whale|Squid and the Whale, The]]'' ~ ''[[Stage Door]]'' ~ ''[[Stagecoach (1939 film)‎|Stagecoach]]'' ~ ''[[The Stanford Prison Experiment (film)|Stanford Prison Experiment, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Star Chamber|Star Chamber, The]]'' ~ ''[[A Star Is Born (1937 film)|Star Is Born, A (1937 film)]]'' ~ ''[[State of Grace (film)|State of Grace]]'' ~ ''[[The Stepfather (1987 film)|Stepfather, The (1987)]]'' ~ ''[[Straight Outta Compton (film)|Straight Outta Compton]]'' ~ ''[[The Strange Love of Martha Ivers|Strange Love of Martha Ivers, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Stranger (1946 film)|Stranger, The (1946)]]'' ~ ''[[Strangers on a Train]]'' ~ ''[[Stranger on the Third Floor]]'' ~ ''[[Stripes]]'' ~ ''[[Sullivan's Travels]]'' ~ ''[[Summer of '42]]'' ~ ''[[The Sundowners|Sundowners, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Substance|Substance, The]]'' ~ ''[[Super Size Me]]'' ~ ''[[Superman: The Movie]]'' ~ ''[[Superman II]]'' ~ ''[[Suspicion (film)|Suspicion]]'' ~ ''[[Sweet Home Alabama]]'' ~ ''[[Swimming to Cambodia]]'' ~ ''[[Talk to Me (2022 film)|Talk to Me]]'' ~ ''[[Taps]]'' ~ ''[[Tár]]'' ~ ''[[Target (1985 film)|Target (1985)]]'' ~ ''[[Targets]]'' ~ ''[[Tequila Sunrise (film)|Tequila Sunrise]]'' ~ ''[[Terms of Endearment]]'' ~ ''[[Thank You for Smoking]]'' ~ ''[[Thelma &amp; Louise]]'' ~ ''[[They Live by Night]]'' ~ ''[[This Is the End]]'' ~ ''[[Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines]]'' ~ ''[[Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri]]'' ~ ''[[The Three Musketeers (1948 film)|Three Musketeers, The (1948)]]'' ~ ''[[Throne of Blood]]'' ~ ''[[Tin Cup]]'' ~ ''[[Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (film)|Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy]]'' ~ ''[[Titanic (1953 film)]]'' ~ ''[[To Catch a Thief (film)|To Catch a Thief]]'' ~ ''[[To Kill a Mockingbird (film)|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' ~ ''[[To Live and Die in L.A. (film)|To Live and Die in L.A.]]'' ~ ''[[Tokyo Story]]'' ~ ''[[Tomorrow Never Dies]]'' ~ ''[[Tootsie]]'' ~ ''[[Top Gun]]'' ~ ''[[Topaz (1969 film)|Topaz]]'' ~ ''[[Torn Curtain]]'' ~ ''[[A Touch of Class (film)|Touch of Class, A]]'' ~ ''[[The Town (2010 film)|Town, The (2010)]]'' ~ ''[[The Toxic Avenger|Toxic Avenger, The]]'' ~ ''[[Trading Places]]'' ~ ''[[The Trial (1962 film)|Trial, The (1962)]]'' ~ ''[[The Trial of the Chicago 7|Trial of the Chicago 7, The]]'' ~ ''[[Trouble in Paradise (1932 film)]]'' ~ ''[[True Grit (2010 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Twilight Zone: The Movie]]'' ~ ''[[Twins (1988 film)|Twins]]'' ~ ''[[Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me]]'' ~ ''[[Two for the Road (film)|Two for the Road]]'' ~ ''[[The Two Jakes|Two Jakes, The]]'' ~ ''[[Uncle Buck]]'' ~ ''[[Up in the Air (film)|Up in the Air]]'' ~ ''[[Up the Down Staircase (film)|Up the Down Staircase]]'' ~ ''[[Us (2019 film)|Us (2019)]]'' ~ ''[[Vanishing Point (1971 film)|Vanishing Point]]'' ~ ''[[Varsity Blues (film)|Varsity Blues]]'' ~ ''[[Vera Drake]]'' ~ ''[[The Verdict|Verdict, The]]'' ~ ''[[Vertigo]]'' ~ ''[[Very Bad Things]]'' ~ ''[[Vice (2018 film)|Vice]]'' ~ ''[[The Visit (2015 American film)|Visit, The]]'' ~ ''[[Waking the Dead (film)|Waking the Dead]]'' ~ ''[[The Way Way Back|Way Way Back, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Wedding Date|Wedding Date, The]]'' ~ ''[[Wes Craven's New Nightmare]]'' ~ ''[[When a Stranger Calls (1979 film)|When a Stranger Calls (1979)]]'' ~ ''[[While We're Young (film)|While We're Young]]'' ~ ''[[Whiplash (2014 film)|Whiplash]]'' ~ ''[[White Men Can't Jump]]'' ~ ''[[The Whole Nine Yards|Whole Nine Yards, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Wicker Man|Wicker Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[Wild at Heart (film)|Wild at Heart]]'' ~ ''[[The Wild Bunch|Wild Bunch, The]]'' ~ ''[[Wild Things (film)|Wild Things]]'' ~ ''[[Winter's Bone]]'' ~ ''[[The Witch (2015 film)|Witch, the]]'' ~ ''[[The Witches of Eastwick (film)|Witches of Eastwick, The]]'' ~ ''[[Witchfinder General (film)|Witchfinder General]]'' ~ ''[[Witness (1985 film)|Witness]]'' ~ ''[[The Wolf of Wall Street (2013 film)|Wolf of Wall Street, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Woman in the Window|Woman in the Window, The]]'' ~ ''[[Woman of the Year]]'' ~ ''[[Women Talking (film)|Women Talking]]'' ~ ''[[Wonder Boys (film)|Wonder Boys]]'' ~ ''[[Working Girl]]'' ~ ''[[The World According to Garp (film)|World According to Garp]]'' ~ ''[[The World Is Not Enough|World Is Not Enough, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Wrestler (2008 film)|Wrestler, The]]'' ~ ''[[Written on the Wind]]'' ~ ''[[The Wrong Man|Wrong Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[Wuthering Heights (1939 film)]]'' ~ ''[[X (2022 film)|X]]'' ~ ''[[X the Unknown]]'' ~ ''[[Y Tu Mamá También]]'' ~ ''[[The Yakuza|Yakuza, The]]'' ~ ''[[Young Mr. Lincoln]]'' ~ ''[[Youngblood (1986 film)|Youngblood]]'' ~ ''[[Z (1969 film)|Z]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== TV Shows ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;   
:''[[American Dreams]]'' ~ ''[[American Gods (TV series)|American Gods]]'' ~ ''[[American Gothic (TV series)|American Gothic]]'' ~ ''[[American Horror Story]]'' ~ ''[[Barney Miller]]'' ~ ''[[Beauty and the Geek]]'' ~ ''[[Big Love]]'' ~ ''[[Big Shots (TV series)|Big Shots]]'' ~ ''[[Billions (TV series)|Billions]]'' ~ ''[[Boomtown]]'' ~ ''[[Boston Public]]'' ~ ''[[The Bridge (2013 TV series)|Bridge, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bridgerton]]'' ~ ''[[Brotherhood (2006 TV series)|Brotherhood]]'' ~ ''[[Cagney &amp; Lacey]]'' ~ ''[[Camelot (TV series)|Camelot]]'' ~ ''[[A Charlie Brown Christmas|Charlie Brown Christmas, A]]'' ~ ''[[China Beach]]'' ~ ''[[CHiPs]]'' ~ ''[[Chuck (TV series)|Chuck]]'' ~ ''[[The Closer|Closer, The]]'' ~ ''[[Columbo]]'' ~ ''[[Crime Story (TV series)|Crime Story]]'' ~ ''[[Criminal Minds]]'' ~ ''[[Damages (TV series)|Damages]]'' ~ ''[[Danger Man]]'' ~ ''[[w:Dark (TV series)|Dark]]'' ~ ''[[The Diplomat (American TV series)|Diplomat, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dirty Sexy Money]]'' ~''[[Ed (TV series)|Ed]]'' ~ ''[[The Event|Event, The]]'' ~ ''[[Felicity (TV series)|Felicity]]'' ~ ''[[Ghost Whisperer]]'' ~ ''[[The Good Wife (TV series)|Good Wife, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Handmaid's Tale (TV series)|Handmaid's Tale, The]]'' ~ ''[[Happy Endings (TV series)|Happy Endings]]'' ~ ''[[Hardcastle and McCormick]]'' ~ ''[[The Haunting of Bly Manor|Haunting of Bly Manor, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Haunting of Hill House (TV series)|Haunting of Hill House, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hill Street Blues]]'' ~ ''[[Homicide: Life on the Street]]'' ~ ''[[House of Lies]]'' ~ ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'' ~ ''[[Hunter (1984 American TV series)|Hunter]]'' ~ ''[[In the Heat of the Night (TV series)|In the Heat of the Night]]'' ~ ''[[In Treatment]]'' ~ ''[[It – Welcome to Derry]]'' ~ ''[[Jericho (TV series)|Jericho]]'' ~ ''[[Jersey Shore]]'' ~ ''[[Justified (TV series)|Justified]]'' ~ ''[[Kojak]]'' ~ ''[[Kolchak: The Night Stalker]]'' ~ ''[[Lovejoy]]'' ~ ''[[Luther (TV series)|Luther]]'' ~ ''[[Matt Houston]]'' ~ ''[[Midnight Mass (miniseries)|Midnight Mass]]'' ~ ''[[Murder One (TV series)|Murder One]]'' ~ ''[[My So-Called Life]]'' ~ ''[[Narcos]]'' ~ ''[[Nash Bridges]]'' ~ ''[[NYPD Blue]]'' ~ ''[[October Road]]'' ~ ''[[Ozark (TV series)|Ozark]]'' ~ ''[[Party of Five]]'' ~  ''[[The Pitt|Pitt, The]]'' ~ ''[[Police Woman (TV series)|Police Woman]]'' ~ ''[[Prison Break]]'' ~ ''[[Quincy, M.E.]]'' ~ ''[[Raising Hope]]'' ~ ''[[Ringer (TV series)|Ringer]]'' ~ ''[[The Rookies|Rookies, The]]'' ~ ''[[Rubicon (TV series)|Rubicon]]'' ~ ''[[Runaway (TV series)|Runaway]]'' ~ ''[[Salem's Lot (1979 miniseries)]]'' ~ ''[[Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (film)|Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town]]'' ~ ''[[Schoolhouse Rock!]]'' ~ ''[[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!]]'' ~ ''[[St. Elsewhere]]'' ~ ''[[The Shield|Shield, The]]'' ~ ''[[Simon &amp; Simon]]'' ~ ''[[Soap (TV series)|Soap]]'' ~ ''[[Sons of Anarchy]]'' ~ ''[[Spartacus: Blood and Sand]]'' ~ ''[[Spenser: For Hire]]'' ~ ''[[Starsky &amp; Hutch]]'' ~  ''[[The Streets of San Francisco|Streets of San Francisco, The]]'' ~ ''[[T. J. Hooker]]'' ~ ''[[Top Chef]]'' ~ ''[[Twas the Night Before Christmas (1974 TV special)|Twas the Night Before Christmas]]'' ~ ''[[The Twilight Zone (1985 TV series)]]'' ~ [[Utopia (UK TV series)|''Utopia'']] ~ ''[[Vikings (2013 TV series)|Vikings]]'' ~ ''[[Wildfire (TV series)|Wildfire]]'' ~ ''[[Wiseguy (TV series)|Wiseguy]]'' ~ ''[[Without a Trace]]'' ~ ''[[The Year Without a Santa Claus|Year Without a Santa Claus, The]]'' ~ ''[[Zorro Rides Again]]'' ~ ''[[Zorro's Fighting Legion]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== People ==== 
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Aravind Adiga|Adiga, Aravind]] ~ [[Matthew Arnold|Arnold, Matthew]] ~ [[Chester A. Arthur|Arthur, Chester A.]] ~ [[Richard Barnfield|Barnfield, Richard]] ~ [[Aphra Behn|Behn, Aphra]] ~ [[Edward Bellamy|Bellamy, Edward]] ~ [[Claude Bernard|Bernard, Claude]] ~ [[Gabriel Biel|Biel, Gabriel]] ~ [[Bion]] ~ [[William Blackstone|Blackstone, William]] ~ [[Alexis Bledel|Bledel, Alexis]] ~ [[Roy Blount, Jr.|Blount, Roy]] ~ [[Franz Boas|Boas, Franz]] ~ [[Jacques-Bénigne Bossuet|Bossuet, Jacques-Bénigne]] ~ [[Carl Bernstein|Bernstein, Carl]] ~ [[William Bradford (1590-1657)|Bradford, William]] ~ [[F. H. Bradley|Bradley, F. H.]] ~ [[Robert Bridges|Bridges, Robert]] ~ [[Rick Bright|Bright, Rick]] ~ [[Henry Brougham, 1st Baron Brougham and Vaux|Brougham, Henry]] ~ [[Pierce Brown|Brown, Pierce]] ~ [[James Buchanan|Buchanan, James]] ~ [[Georg Büchner|Büchner, Georg]] ~ [[John C. Calhoun|Calhoun, John C.]] ~ [[Thomas Campbell|Campbell, Thomas]] ~ [[Jane Welsh Carlyle|Carlyle, Jane Welsh]] ~ [[Grover Cleveland|Cleveland, Grover]] ~ [[Stephen L. Carter|Carter, Stephen L.]] ~ [[Constantine P. Cavafy|Cavafy, Constantine P.]] ~ [[Émile Chartier|Chartier, Émile]] ~ [[Lee Child|Child, Lee]] ~ [[Arthur Hugh Clough|Clough, Arthur Hugh]] ~ [[Colley Cibber|Cibber, Colley]] ~ [[James Fenimore Cooper|Cooper, James Fenimore]] ~ [[Pierre Corneille|Corneille, Pierre]] ~ [[Rubén Darío|Darío, Rubén]] ~ [[Daniel Day-Lewis|Day-Lewis, Daniel]] ~ [[Pedro Calderón de la Barca|de la Barca, Pedro Calderón]] ~ [[Walter de la Mare|de la Mare, Walter]] ~ [[Alphonse de Lamartine|de Lamartine, Alphonse]] ~ [[Thomas De Quincey|De Quincey, Thomas]] ~ [[Carol Ann Duffy|Duffy, Carol Ann]] ~[[Charles Fletcher Dole|Dole, Charles Fletcher]] ~ [[Fernando de Rojas|de Rojas, Fernando]] ~ [[Anne Louise Germaine de Staël|de Staël, Anne Louise Germaine]] ~ [[E.L. Doctorow|Doctorow, E.L.]] ~ [[Richard Durbin|Durbin, Richard]] ~ [[Max Eastman|Eastman, Max]] ~ [[Jonathan Edwards|Edwards, Jonathan]] ~ [[Ralph Ellison|Ellison, Ralph]] ~ [[Ennius]] ~ [[Frederick William Faber|Faber, Frederick William]] ~ [[Eugene Field|Field, Eugene]] ~ [[Millard Fillmore|Fillmore, Millard]] ~ [[David Fincher|Fincher, David]] ~ [[Herbert Fisher|Fisher, Herbert]] ~ [[Patrick Fitzgerald|Fitzgerald, Patrick]] ~ [[Jeff Flake|Flake, Jeff]] ~ [[John Fletcher|Fletcher, John]] ~ [[Charles James Fox|Fox, Charles James]] ~ [[James Frazer|Frazer, James]] ~ [[Peter Freund|Freund, Peter]] ~ [[Bill Frist|Frist, Bill]] ~ [[John Galsworthy|Galsworthy, John]] ~ [[James A. Garfield|Garfield, James A.]] ~ [[Kenneth Grahame|Grahame, Kenneth]] ~ [[Sarah Grimké|Grimké, Sarah]] ~ [[Joseph Hall|Hall, Joseph]] ~ [[Edith Hamilton|Hamilton, Edith]] ~ [[August Heckscher II|Heckscher II, August]] ~ [[Auberon Herbert|Herbert, Auberon]] ~ [[Holland-Dozier-Holland]] ~ [[Learned Hand|Hand, Learned]] ~ [[Warren G. Harding|Harding, Warren G.]]  ~ [[Ben Harper|Harper, Ben]] ~ [[Robert Harris (novelist)|Harris, Robert]] ~ [[William Henry Harrison|Harrison, William Henry]] ~ [[John Hart (author)|Hart, John]] ~ [[William Harvey|Harvey, William]] ~ [[Rutherford B. Hayes|Hayes, Rutherford B.]] ~ [[William Randolph Hearst|Hearst, William Randolph]] ~ [[Reginald Heber|Heber, Reginald]] ~ [[Felicia Hemans|Hemans, Felicia]] ~ [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Herrick, Robert]] ~ [[Aaron Hill (writer)|Hill, Aaron]] ~ [[Thomas Hood|Hood, Thomas]] ~ [[William Dean Howells|Howells, William Dean]] ~ [[Ignatius of Loyola]] ~ [[Shirley Jackson|Jackson, Shirley]] ~ [[Jerome K. Jerome|Jerome, Jerome K.]] ~ [[Sarah Orne Jewett|Jewett, Sarah Orne]] ~ [[Andrew Johnson|Johnson, Andrew]] ~ [[James Weldon Johnson|Johnson, James Weldon]] ~ [[Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller]] ~ [[Junius]] ~ [[Yoshida Kenkō|Kenkō, Yoshida]] ~ [[Rockwell Kent|Kent, Rockwell]] ~ [[Jon Krakauer|Krakauer, Jon]] ~ [[Louis Kronenberger|Kronenberger, Louis]] ~ [[Johann Kaspar Lavater|Lavater, Johann Kaspar]] ~ [[Robert M. La Follette Sr.|La Follette Sr., Robert M.]] ~ [[Peter Mere Latham|Latham, Peter Mere]] ~ [[Dennis Lehane|Lehane, Dennis]] ~ [[Alain-René Lesage|Lesage, Alain-René]] ~ [[Henry Cabot Lodge|Lodge, Henry Cabot]] ~ [[Cesare Lombroso|Lombroso, Cesare]] ~ [[Richard Lovelace|Lovelace, Richard]] ~ [[James Russell Lowell|Lowell, James Russell]] ~ [[Lucretius]] ~ [[Karl Marlantes]] ~ [[John Marshall|Marshall, John]] ~ [[George Mason|Mason, George]] ~ [[Robert McCammon|McCammon, Robert]] ~ [[Colum McCann|McCann, Colum]] ~ [[Tom McCarthy (writer)|McCarthy, Tom]] ~ [[William McKinley|McKinley, William]] ~ [[Menander]] ~ [[George Meredith|Meredith, George]] ~ [[James Monroe|Monroe, James]] ~ [[Thomas Moore|Moore, Thomas]] ~ [[John Morley, 1st Viscount Morley of Blackburn|Morley, John]] ~ [[George Nicholas|Nicholas, George]] ~ [[Joyce Carol Oates|Oates, Joyce Carol]] ~ [[William Osler|Osler, William]] ~ [[James Otis|Otis, James]] ~ [[Theodore Parker|Parker, Theodore]] ~ [[Francis Parkman|Parkman, Francis]] ~ [[Stel Pavlou|Pavlou, Stel]] ~ [[Ivan Pavlov|Pavlov, Ivan]] ~ [[Petrarch]] ~ [[Phaedrus]] ~ [[Wendell Phillips|Phillips, Wendell]] ~ [[Franklin Pierce|Pierce, Franklin]] ~ [[William Pitt, 1st Earl of Chatham|Pitt, William]] ~ [[Pliny the Elder]] ~ [[Pliny the Younger]] ~ [[James K. Polk|Polk, James K.]] ~ [[Matthew Prior|Prior, Matthew]] ~ [[Ptahhotep]] ~ [[Ptolemy]] ~ [[Jean Racine|Racine, Jean]] ~ [[Lisa Randall|Randall, Lisa]] ~ [[Ernest Renan|Renan, Ernest]] ~ [[Romain Rolland|Rolland, Romain]] ~ [[Christina Rossetti|Rossetti, Christina]] ~ [[Dante Gabriel Rossetti|Rossetti, Dante Gabriel]] ~ [[Richard Russo|Russo, Richard]] ~ [[Saadi]] ~ [[Andrei Sakharov|Sakharov, Andrei]] ~ [[George Savile, 1st Marquess of Halifax|Savile, George]] ~ [[John Searle|Searle, John]] ~ [[John Selden|Selden, John]] ~ [[Sextus Propertius]] ~ [[Yoshida Shoin|Shoin, Yoshida]] ~ [[Gene Simmons|Simmons, Gene]] ~ [[Michael Marshall Smith|Smith, Michael Marshall]] ~ [[Robert Southey|Southey, Robert]] ~ [[Arlen Specter|Specter, Arlen]] ~ [[Mickey Spillane|Spillane, Mickey]] ~ [[St. Jerome]] ~ [[Henry St John, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke|St. John, Henry, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke]] ~  [[Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield|Stanhope, Philip]] ~ [[Richard Steele|Steele, Richard]] ~ [[James Kenneth Stephen|Stephen, James Kenneth]] ~ [[Laurence Sterne|Sterne, Laurence]] ~ [[Arthur Symons|Symons, Arthur]] ~ [[John Millington Synge]] ~ [[Zachary Taylor|Taylor, Zachary]] ~ [[Theognis of Megara]] ~ [[Paul Theroux|Theroux, Paul]] ~ [[James Thomson|Thomson, James]] ~ [[Francis Thompson|Thompson, Francis]] ~ [[Steve Toltz|Toltz, Steve]] ~ [[Benjamin Tucker|Tucker, Benjamin]] ~ [[Martin Farquhar Tupper|Tupper, Martin Farquhar]] ~ [[Desmond Tutu|Tutu, Desmond]] ~ [[John Tyler|Tyler, John]] ~ [[John Tyndall|Tyndall, John]] ~ [[Martin Van Buren|Van Buren, Martin]] ~ [[Henry Vaughan|Vaughan, Henry]] ~ [[Fred M. Vinson|Vinson, Fred M.]] ~ [[Morrison Waite|Waite, Morrison]] ~ [[Edmund Waller|Waller, Edmund]] ~ [[Charles Dudley Warner|Warner, Charles Dudley]] ~ [[John Webster|Webster, John]] ~ [[Edith Wharton|Wharton, Edith]] ~ [[William Whewell|Whewell, William]] ~ [[William Julius Wilson|Wilson, William Julius]] ~ [[Henry Wotton|Wotton, Henry]] ~ [[Herman Wouk|Wouk, Herman]] ~ [[Adam Zagajewski|Zagajewski, Adam]]
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Musicians/Bands ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[AC/DC]] ~ [[The Allman Brothers Band|Allman Brothers Band, The]] ~ [[America (band)|America]] ~ [[Arrested Development (group)|Arrested Development]] ~ [[Bad Company]] ~ [[The Beach Boys|Beach Boys, The]] ~ [[The Black Crowes|Black Crowes, The]] ~ [[The Black Keys|Black Keys, The]] ~ [[Blink-182]] ~ [[Boston (band)|Boston]] ~ [[Zach Bryan|Bryan, Zach]] ~ [[The Cars|Cars, The]] ~ [[Chicago (band)]] ~ [[Counting Crows]] ~ [[The Cranberries|Cranberries, The]] ~ [[Creedence Clearwater Revival]] ~ [[Jim Croce|Croce, Jim]] ~ [[Crosby, Stills &amp; Nash]] ~ [[The Cure|Cure, The]] ~ [[Iris DeMent|DeMent, Iris]] ~ [[Duran Duran]] ~ [[Eve 6]] ~ [[Aretha Franklin|Franklin, Aretha]] ~ [[Eagles (band)|Eagles, The]] ~ [[Echo &amp; the Bunnymen]] ~ [[Erasure]] ~ [[Florence and the Machine]] ~ [[Dan Fogelberg|Fogelberg, Dan]] ~ [[Foo Fighters]] ~ [[Foreigner (band)|Foreigner]] ~ [[Frankie Goes to Hollywood]] ~ [[Greta Van Fleet]] ~ [[Hall &amp; Oates]] ~ [[Hoobastank]] ~ [[Imagine Dragons]] ~ [[Jack Johnson|Johnson, Jack]] ~ [[Journey (band)|Journey]] ~ [[Kansas (band)|Kansas]] ~ [[The Kinks|Kinks, The]] ~ [[Led Zeppelin]] ~ [[Kenny Loggins|Loggins, Kenny]] ~ [[Lynyrd Skynyrd]] ~ [[Maroon 5]] ~ [[Midnight Oil]] ~ [[New Order]] ~ [[Nirvana (band)]] ~ [[Roy Orbison|Orbison, Roy]] ~ [[Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark]] ~ [[Brad Paisley|Paisley, Brad]] ~ [[Pearl Jam]] ~ [[Pink Floyd]] ~ [[The Pretenders|Pretenders, The]] ~ [[Public Enemy (band)|Public Enemy]] ~ [[Queen (band)|Queen]] ~ [[Gerry Rafferty|Rafferty, Gerry]] ~ [[The Replacements (band)|Replacements, The]] ~ [[Olivia Rodrigo|Rodrigo, Olivia]] ~ [[The Rolling Stones|Rolling Stones, The]] ~ [[Bob Seger|Seger, Bob]] ~ [[Shinedown]] ~ [[Sly and the Family Stone]] ~ [[The Smashing Pumpkins]] ~ [[The Smiths|Smiths, The]] ~ [[Soundgarden]] ~ [[Squeeze (band)|Squeeze]] ~ [[Styx (band)|Styx]] ~ [[Survivor (band)|Survivor]] ~ [[James Taylor|Taylor, James]] ~ [[Tears for Fears]] ~ [[Traffic (band)|Traffic]] ~ [[Yazoo (band)|Yazoo]] ~ [[Yes (band)|Yes]] ~ [[The Zombies|Zombies, The]]
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Literary works ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:''[[Canto General]]'' ~ ''[[The Mysteries of Pittsburgh|Mysteries of Pittsburgh, The]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Theme pages ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Apocalypse]] ~ [[Credit]] ~ [[Innocence]] ~ [[Las Vegas]] ~ [[Logistics]] ~ [[Magna Carta]] ~ [[Minority]] ~ [[Publicity]] ~ [[Rebellion]] ~ [[Self-deception]] ~ [[Treason]] ~ [[United States Constitution]] ~ [[Weakness]] ~ [[Welfare]] ~ [[Wilderness]]
&lt;/div&gt;

=== I unstubbed/significantly expanded ===
==== Films ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:''[[28 Weeks Later]]'' ~ ''[[42nd Street (film)|42nd Street]]'' ~ ''[[50 First Dates]]'' ~ ''[[1941 (film)|1941]]'' ~ ''[[The Abominable Dr. Phibes|Abominable Dr. Phibes, The]]'' ~ ''[[After the Thin Man]]'' ~ ''[[Air Force One]]'' ~ ''[[Alien (film)|Alien]]'' ~ ''[[Along Came a Spider (film)]]'' ~ ''[[An American Werewolf in London]]'' ~ ''[[Animal Farm (1999 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Apocalypse Now]]'' ~ ''[[The Asphalt Jungle]]'' ~ ''[[The Bad News Bears|Bad News Bears, The]]'' ~ ''[[Behind Enemy Lines (2001 film)|Behind Enemy Lines]]'' ~ ''[[The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas|Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, The]]'' ~ ''[[Beverly Hills Cop II]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Heat|Big Heat, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Sleep (1946 film)|Big Sleep, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Big Store|Big Store, The]]'' ~ ''[[Black Snake Moan (film)|Black Snake Moan]]'' ~ ''[[Blue Moon (2025 film)|Blue Moon]]'' ~ ''[[Born on the Fourth of July]]'' ~ ''[[Braveheart]]'' ~ ''[[Brazil (film)|Brazil]]'' ~ ''[[The Breakfast Club|Breakfast Club, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bride of Frankenstein]]'' ~ ''[[The Bridge on the River Kwai|Bridge on the River Kwai, The]]'' ~ ''[[Bridesmaids (2011 film)|Bridesmaids]]'' ~ ''[[A Bridge Too Far (film)|Bridge Too Far, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Bronx Tale|Bronx Tale, A]]'' ~ ''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]'' ~ ''[[Carnival of Souls]]'' ~ ''[[Casablanca]]'' ~ ''[[Cast a Deadly Spell]]'' ~ ''[[Catch-22 (film)|Catch-22]]'' ~ ''[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe|Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, The]]'' ~ ''[[A Clockwork Orange (film)|A Clockwork Orange]]'' ~ ''[[Cocaine Bear]]'' ~ ''[[Coma (1978 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Confessions of a Dangerous Mind]]'' ~ ''[[The Core|Core, The]]'' ~ ''[[Crash]]'' ~ ''[[Dead of Night]]'' ~ ''[[D.O.A. (1950 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Day After Tomorrow|Day After Tomorrow, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dead Reckoning (1947 film)|Dead Reckoning]]'' ~ ''[[Deadly Friend]]'' ~ ''[[The Devil and Daniel Webster (film)|Devil and Daniel Webster, The]]'' ~ ''[[Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1941 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Dr. No (film)|Dr. No]]'' ~ ''[[Double Indemnity]]'' ~ ''[[Dracula: Dead and Loving It]]'' ~ ''[[Earth Girls Are Easy]]'' ~ ''[[Empire Records]]'' ~ ''[[Erin Brockovich]]'' ~ ''[[The Exorcism of Emily Rose|Exorcism of Emily Rose, The]]'' ~ ''[[Eyes Wide Shut]]'' ~ ''[[Fame (1980 film)|Fame]]'' ~ ''[[The Family Man|Family Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[Fletch]]'' ~ ''[[For a Few Dollars More]]'' ~ ''[[Forbidden Planet]]'' ~ ''[[The Forgotten]]'' ~ ''[[Fracture (2007 film)|Fracture]]'' ~ ''[[Frankenstein (1931 film)|Frankenstein]]'' ~ ''[[Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man]]'' ~ ''[[Fright Night]]'' ~ ''[[The Full Monty]]'' ~ ''[[The Gay Divorcee|Gay Divorcee, The]]'' ~ ''[[Get Carter]]'' ~ ''[[Gilda]]'' ~ ''[[Glengarry Glen Ross (film)|Glengarry Glen Ross]]'' ~ ''[[Go West (1940 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Godfather: Part III|Godfather, The: Part III]]'' ~ ''[[Going My Way]]'' ~ ''[[Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger]]'' ~ ''[[Gone with the Wind]]'' ~ ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' ~ ''[[Goodfellas]]'' ~ ''[[Gosford Park]]'' ~ ''[[The Great Debaters|Great Debaters, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Great Escape (film)|Great Escape, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Guns of Navarone|Guns of Navarone, The]]'' ~ ''[[Hail, Caesar!]]'' ~ ''[[Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers]]'' ~ ''[[Harvey]]'' ~ ''[[He's Just Not That Into You]]'' ~ ''[[Heathers]]'' ~ ''[[Hell or High Water (film)|Hell or High Water]]'' ~ ''[[Her Highness and the Bellboy]]'' ~ ''[[Hollow Man]]'' ~ ''[[Honeymoon in Vegas]]'' ~ ''[[House of Sand and Fog (film)‎|House of Sand and Fog]]'' ~ ''[[How to Marry a Millionaire]]'' ~ ''[[The Hunt for Red October (film)|Hunt for Red October, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Hurt Locker|Hurt Locker, The]]'' ~ ''[[I Dood It]]'' ~ ''[[I'm No Angel]]'' ~ ''[[Ice Station Zebra]]'' ~ ''[[The Ice Storm|Ice Storm, The]]'' ~ ''[[In Her Shoes]]'' ~ ''[[In the Heat of the Night (film)|In the Heat of the Night]]'' ~ ''[[In Time]]'' ~ ''[[The Innocents (1961 film)|Innocents, The]]'' ~ ''[[It's a Gift]]'' ~ ''[[It's a Wonderful Life]]'' ~ ''[[Jackie Brown]]'' ~ ''[[Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday]]'' ~ ''[[Jaws (film)|Jaws]]'' ~ ''[[Jaws 2]]'' ~ ''[[Jerry Maguire]]'' ~ ''[[Joan of Arc (1948 film)]]'' ~ ''[[John Q]]'' ~ ''[[John Tucker Must Die]]'' ~ ''[[John Wick: Chapter 4]]'' ~ ''[[Johnny English]]'' ~ ''[[Kansas City Confidential]]'' ~ ''[[The Killers (1946 film)|Killers, The (1946 film)]]'' ~ ''[[The Killing Fields|Killing Fields, The]]'' ~ ''[[Kingdom of Heaven]]'' ~ ''[[Kingpin (1996 film)|Kingpin]]'' ~ ''[[La Bamba (film)|La Bamba]]'' ~ ''[[Lake Placid (film)|Lake Placid]]'' ~ ''[[Lars and the Real Girl]]'' ~ ''[[Laura (1944 film)|Laura]]'' ~ ''[[Lenny (film)|Lenny]]'' ~ ''[[Les Misérables (1998 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Les Misérables (2012 film)‎]]'' ~ ''[[Little Women (2019 film)|Little Women]]'' ~ ''[[The Longest Yard (1974 film)|Longest Yard, The (1974 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Love Actually]]'' ~ ''[[Love Happy]]'' ~ ''[[Mandy (2018 film)|Mandy]]'' ~ ''[[Marathon Man]]'' ~ ''[[Matinee (1993 film)|Matinee]]'' ~ ''[[Meet Joe Black]]'' ~ ''[[Mission: Impossible]]'' ~ ''[[Mr. Deeds Goes to Town‎]]'' ~ ''[[Mortal Kombat (film)|Mortal Kombat]]'' ~ ''[[My Night at Maud's]]'' ~ ''[[National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation]]'' ~ ''[[National Lampoon's Vacation]]'' ~ ''[[Network]]'' ~ ''[[Niagara (1953 film)|Niagara]]'' ~ ''[[A Night at the Opera|Night at the Opera, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Night at the Roxbury|Night at the Roxbury, A]]'' ~ ''[[A Night in Casablanca|Night in Casablanca, A]]'' ~ ''[[The Night of the Hunter (film)|The Night of the Hunter]]'' ~ ''[[Nobody's Fool (1994 film)‎|Nobody's Fool]]'' ~ ''[[Old School]]'' ~ ''[[Olympus Has Fallen]]'' ~ ''[[On Her Majesty's Secret Service (film)|On Her Majesty's Secret Service]]'' ~ ''[[Paper Moon (film)|Paper Moon]]'' ~ ''[[Paranoia (2013 film)|Paranoia]]'' ~ ''[[The People vs. Larry Flynt|People vs. Larry Flynt, The]]'' ~ ''[[Philadelphia (film)‎|Philadelphia]]'' ~ ''[[The Philadelphia Story|Philadelphia Story, The]]'' ~ ''[[Pi]]'' ~ ''[[Plan 9 from Outer Space]]'' ~ ''[[Pleasantville]]'' ~ ''[[The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946 film)|Postman Always Rings Twice, The (1946 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Psycho (1960 film)|Psycho]]'' ~ ''[[Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown]]'' ~ ''[[Radio Flyer (film)|Radio Flyer]]'' ~ ''[[Rain Man]]'' ~ ''[[Raising Helen]]'' ~ ''[[The Razor's Edge (1984 film)|Razor's Edge, The]]'' ~ ''[[Real Genius]]'' ~ ''[[Rear Window]]'' ~ ''[[Remember the Titans]]'' ~ ''[[Revenge of the Pink Panther]]'' ~ ''[[Risen (2016 film)|Risen]]'' ~ ''[[RoboCop 2]]'' ~ ''[[Rocky]]'' ~ ''[[Room Service (1938 film)]]'' ~ ''[[Rushmore]]'' ~ ''[[Saving Private Ryan]]'' ~ ''[[Saw (film)|Saw]]'' ~ ''[[The Secret of My Success (1987 film)|Secret of My Success, The]]'' ~ ''[[A Serious Man]]'' ~ ''[[She Done Him Wrong]]'' ~ ''[[Sixteen Candles]]'' ~ ''[[Sling Blade]]'' ~ ''[[Snowden (film)|Snowden]]'' ~ ''[[Soapdish]]'' ~ ''[[The Social Network|Social Network, The]]'' ~ ''[[Son of Dracula (1943 film)|Son of Dracula]]'' ~ ''[[Soylent Green]]'' ~ ''[[The Spiderwick Chronicles (film)|Spiderwick Chronicles, The]]'' ~ ''[[Stand by Me]]'' ~ ''[[The Star Chamber|Star Chamber, The]]'' ~ ''[[State Fair (1945 film)|State Fair]]'' ~ ''[[Stranger Than Paradise]]'' ~ ''[[Sudden Impact]]'' ~ ''[[Svengali (1931 film)|Svengali]]'' ~ ''[[Swingers]]'' ~ ''[[Taxi Driver]]'' ~ ''[[The Ten Commandments|Ten Commandments, The]]'' ~ ''[[Terminator 2: Judgment Day]]'' ~ ''[[Theatre of Blood]]'' ~ ''[[There's Something About Mary‎]]'' ~ ''[[They Shoot Horses, Don't They?]]'' ~ ''[[The Third Man|Third Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[Thunderball (film)|Thunderball]]'' ~ ''[[To Have and Have Not (film)|To Have and Have Not]]'' ~ ''[[Top Secret!]]'' ~ ''[[Touch of Evil]]'' ~ ''[[The Treasure of the Sierra Madre|Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The]]'' ~ ''[[Twelve Monkeys]]'' ~ ''[[Vicky Cristina Barcelona]]'' ~ ''[[The Village|Village, The]]'' ~ ''[[Vision Quest]]'' ~ ''[[West Side Story]]'' ~ ''[[White Heat]]'' ~ ''[[Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory]]'' ~ ''[[Wings of Desire]]'' ~ ''[[Witness for the Prosecution]]'' ~ ''[[The Wizard of Oz|Wizard of Oz, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Wolf Man (1941 film)|Wolf Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[The World's Fastest Indian|World's Fastest Indian, The]]'' ~ ''[[Yellowbeard]]'' ~ ''[[You Can't Take It with You (film)|You Can't Take It with You]]'' ~ ''[[You Only Live Twice (film)|You Only Live Twice]]'' ~ ''[[Young Sherlock Holmes]]'' ~ ''[[Zoolander]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== TV Shows ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:''[[The Addams Family (TV series)|Addams Family, The]]'' ~ ''[[Alias]]'' ~ ''[[Army Wives]]'' ~ ''[[Arrested Development]]'' ~ ''[[The Black Donnellys|Black Donnellys, The]]'' ~ ''[[Black Mirror]]'' ~ ''[[Cheers]]'' ~ ''[[Chicago Med]]'' ~ ''[[Cougar Town]]'' ~ ''[[CSI: Crime Scene Investigation]]'' ~ ''[[Da Vinci's Demons‎]]'' ~ ''[[Damages (TV series)|Damages]]'' ~  ''[[Dawson's Creek]]'' ~ ''[[Doogie Howser, M.D.]]'' ~ ''[[Drawn Together]]'' ~ ''[[The Drew Carey Show|Drew Carey Show, The]]'' ~ ''[[Everwood]]'' ~ ''[[Freaks and Geeks]]'' ~ ''[[Friday Night Lights (TV series)‎]]'' ~ ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'' ~ ''[[Greg the Bunny]]'' ~ ''[[Grey's Anatomy]]'' ~ ''[[Hawaii Five-O]]'' ~ ''[[Heroes]]'' ~ ''[[Ice Road Truckers]]'' ~ ''[[Judging Amy]]'' ~ ''[[The L Word|L Word, The]]'' ~ ''[[Law &amp; Order]]'' ~ ''[[Mad Men]]'' ~ ''[[Magnum, P.I.]]'' ~ ''[[The Mary Tyler Moore Show|Mary Tyler Moore Show, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Middle (TV series)|Middle, The]]'' ~ ''[[The New Adventures of Old Christine|New Adventures of Old Christine, The]]'' ~ ''[[Nip/Tuck]]'' ~ ''[[The Oblongs|Oblongs, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Outer Limits (1963 TV series)|Outer Limits, The (1963)]]'' ~ ''[[Point Pleasant]]'' ~ ''[[Popular (TV series)|Popular]]'' ~ ''[[The Practice]]'' ~ ''[[Queer Eye]]'' ~ ''[[Rectify]]'' ~ ''[[The Rockford Files]]'' ~ ''[[The Sarah Silverman Program|Sarah Silverman Program, The]]'' ~ ''[[Succession (TV series)|Succession]]'' ~ ''[[Tru Calling]]'' ~ ''[[The Tudors|Tudors, The]]'' ~ ''[[The Twilight Zone (1959 TV series)]]'' ~ ''[[Twin Peaks]]'' ~ ''[[Welcome Back, Kotter]]'' ~ ''[[WKRP in Cincinnati]]'' ~ ''[[The Wonder Years|Wonder Years, The]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== People ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Dan Ariely|Ariely, Dan]] ~ [[William Blake|Blake, William]] ~ [[John Cheever|Cheever, John]] ~ [[William Cullen Bryant|Bryant, William Cullen]] ~ [[Samuel Butler (novelist)|Butler, Samuel]] ~ [[Lord Byron|Byron, Lord]] ~ [[Arthur Chapman|Chapman, Arthur]] ~ [[Anton Chekhov|Chekhov, Anton]] ~ [[William Cobbett|Cobbett, William]] ~ [[Rufus Choate|Choate, Rufus]] ~ [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge|Coleridge, Samuel Taylor]] ~ [[Norman Cousins|Cousins, Norman]] ~ [[Honoré de Balzac|de Balzac, Honoré]] ~ [[Guy Debord|Debord, Guy]] ~ [[Charles Dickens|Dickens, Charles]] ~ [[James Dickey|Dickey, James]] ~ [[Ralph Waldo Emerson|Emerson, Ralph Waldo]] ~ [[Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach|Feuerbach, Ludwig Andreas]] ~ [[Edgar Guest|Guest, Edgar]] ~ [[Stonewall Jackson|Jackson, Stonewall]] ~ [[Daniel Kahneman‎|Kahneman, Daniel]] ~ [[John Keats|Keats, John]] ~ [[Rudyard Kipling|Kipling, Rudyard]] ~ [[Walter Savage Landor|Landor, Walter Savage]] ~ [[Paul Lansky|Lansky, Paul]] ~ [[Edward Lear|Lear, Edward]] ~ [[Livy]] ~ [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow|Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth]] ~ [[Barack Obama|Obama, Barack]] ~ [[Prince (musician)|Prince]] ~ [[Protagoras]] ~ [[AnnaSophia Robb|Robb, AnnaSophia]] ~ [[Philip Roth|Roth, Philip]] ~ [[Bertrand Russell|Russell, Bertrand]] ~ [[Walter Scott]] ~ [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley, Percy Bysshe]] ~ [[Richard Brinsley Sheridan|Sheridan, Richard Brinsley]] ~ [[Stendhal]] ~ [[Bruce Sterling|Sterling, Bruce]] ~ [[Joseph E. Stiglitz|Stiglitz, Joseph E.]] ~ [[Alfred Tennyson|Tennyson, Alfred]] ~ [[Mark Twain|Twain, Mark]] ~ [[Neil deGrasse Tyson|Tyson, Neil deGrasse]] ~ [[Jack Welch|Welch, Jack]] ~ [[William Wordsworth|Wordsworth, William]]
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Musicians/Bands ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Adele (singer)]] ~ [[Aerosmith]] ~ [[Iggy Azalea|Azalea, Iggy]] ~ [[The Beatles|Beatles, The]] ~ [[James Blunt|Blunt, James]] ~ [[Garth Brooks|Brooks, Garth]] ~ [[Jimmy Buffett|Buffett, Jimmy]] ~ [[Sam Cooke|Cooke, Sam]] ~ [[Depeche Mode]] ~ [[Neil Diamond|Diamond, Neil]] ~ [[Dido]] ~ [[Five for Fighting]] ~ [[Fleetwood Mac]] ~ [[Marvin Gaye|Gaye, Marvin]] ~ [[Benjamin Hoff|Hoff, Benjamin]] ~ [[Buddy Holly|Holly, Buddy]] ~ [[Billy Joel|Joel, Billy]] ~ [[Waylon Jennings|Jennings, Waylon]] ~ [[Elton John|John, Elton]] ~ [[Toby Keith|Keith, Toby]] ~ [[Kid Rock]] ~ [[The Killers (band)|Killers, The]] ~ [[Carole King|King, Carole]] ~ [[Mark Knopfler|Knopfler, Mark]] ~ [[Miranda Lambert|Lambert, Miranda]] ~ [[The Lonely Island|Lonely Island, The]] ~ [[Curtis Mayfield|Mayfield, Curtis]] ~ [[Sarah McLachlan|McLachlan, Sarah]] ~ [[Van Morrison|Morrison, Van]] ~ [[Mötley Crüe]] ~ [[Muse (band)|Muse]] ~ [[OneRepublic]] ~ [[Tom Petty|Petty, Tom]] ~ [[Pink (singer)|Pink]] ~ [[The Police|Police, The]] ~ [[Radiohead]] ~ [[Otis Redding|Redding, Otis]] ~ [[Bruce Springsteen|Springsteen, Bruce]] ~ [[Steely Dan]] ~ [[Taylor Swift|Swift, Taylor]] ~ [[Talking Heads]] ~ [[Rufus Wainwright|Wainwright, Rufus]] ~ [[Lucinda Williams|Williams, Lucinda]] ~ [[U2]] ~ [[Neil Young|Young, Neil]]
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Literary works ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:''[[Eragon]]'' ~ ''[[The Everlasting Man|Everlasting Man, The]]'' ~ ''[[Macbeth]]'' ~ ''[[King Lear]]'' ~ ''[[Richard III (play)]]'' ~ ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]''
&lt;/div&gt;

==== Themes ====
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Anticipation]] ~ [[Censure]] ~ [[Conviction]] ~ [[Cunning]] ~ [[Debt]] ~ [[Discourse]] ~ [[Effort]] ~ [[Envy]] ~ [[Experience]] ~ [[Exploration]] ~ [[Failure]] ~ [[Fame]] ~ [[Family]] ~ [[Foreign aid]] ~ [[Health]] ~ [[Honor]] ~ [[Human rights]] ~ [[Ideas]] ~ [[Inhumanity]] ~ [[Majority]] ~ [[Malice]] ~ [[Melancholy]] ~ [[New Deal]] ~ [[Opinion]] ~ [[Passion]] ~ [[Persecution]] ~ [[Physiognomy]] ~ [[Prudence]] ~ [[Respect]] ~ [[Rhetoric]] ~ [[Security]] ~ [[Self-esteem]] ~ [[Self-pity]]
&lt;/div&gt;

=== I rescued from deletion ===
&lt;div style=&quot;font-size:smaller;&quot;&gt;
:[[Aleksis Kivi]] ~ [[Bergen Evans]] ~ ''[[Constantine]]'' ~ ''[[Gotti]]'' ~ ''[[Hung (TV series)|Hung]]'' ~ ''[[Million Dollar Baby]]'' ~ ''[[Night Court]]'' ~ ''[[The Searchers]]''
&lt;/div&gt;</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids</title>
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      <text bytes="2119" sha1="bbxblq1fmuvhex2nwmyw3q5dg4c57v1" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids|Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids]]''''' (1972-1985), was an animated television show that portrayed the educational adventures of a group of Afro-American inner city kids. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 9 to 13.

{{tv-stub}}
==Dialogue==
:'''Fat Albert''': Hey HEY hey!
:'''Fat Albert''': Don't tie those shoes, get your mumma's boyfriend to do it!
:'''Mushmouth''': Hey-buh bay-buh. Wha-buh we-buh go-buh do-buh?
:''{translated} Hey Baby! What we gonna do?

==Characters==
===The Cosby Kids===
*[[Bill Cosby]] - Fat Albert
*[[Bill Cosby]] - James &quot;Mushmouth&quot; Mush
*[[w:Lou Scheimer|Lou Scheimer]] - Dumb&quot; Donald
*[[Bill Cosby]] - William &quot;Bill&quot; Cosby
*[[Jan Crawford (actress)|Jan Crawford]] - Russell Cosby 
*[[w:Gerald Edwards|Gerald Edwards]] - Old Weird Harold 
*[[w:Eric Suter|Eric Suter]] - Rudy Davis
*[[Jan Crawford (actress)|Jan Crawford]] - Bucky Miller

===Others===
* Jay Scheimer - Miss Berry
*[[Bill Cosby]] - Mudfoot Brown 
*[[Bill Cosby]] - [[w:The Brown Hornet|Brown Hornet]]
*[[w:Lou Scheimer|Lou Scheimer]] - Stinger
*[[w:Erika Scheimer|Erika Scheimer]] - Tweeterbell
*[[w:Lou Scheimer|Lou Scheimer]] Legal Eagle
*[[Jan Crawford (actress)|Jan Crawford]] &amp; [[w:Gerald Edwards|Gerald Edwards]] - Moe &amp; Gabby
*[[w:Erika Scheimer|Erika Scheimer]] - Margene
*[[w:Catero Colbert|Catero Colbert]] - 3 River Blockbusters
*[[w:Erika Scheimer|Erika Scheimer]] - Pee Wee

== External Links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:1970s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1980s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American black animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:CBS animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Eugene O'Neill</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
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      <text bytes="13768" sha1="gfjr4z1zp2jac9obi744957bt7bhgvo" xml:space="preserve">[[File:ONeill-Eugene-LOC.jpg|thumb|right|None of us can help the things [[life]] has done to us. They're done before you realize it, and once they're done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your [[true]] [[self]] [[forever]].]]
'''[[w:Eugene O'Neill|Eugene O'Neill]]''' ([[16 October]] [[1888]] – [[27 November]] [[1953]]) was an American playwright and Nobel laureate in Literature.

== Quotes ==
* If a person is to get the meaning of life he must learn to like the facts about himself — ugly as they may seem to his sentimental vanity — before he can learn the truth ''behind'' the facts. And the truth is never ugly.
** ''New York Herald Tribune'' (9 September 1956)

=== ''[[w:Beyond the Horizon (play)|Beyond the Horizon]]'' (1918)===
:&lt;small&gt;Written in 1918, this premiered as a stage play in 1920.&lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:Portrait of Eugene O'Neill and Carlotta Monterey O'Neill 2.png |thumb|It's just [[Beauty]] that's calling me, the beauty of the far off and unknown… the [[joy]] of wandering on and on — in quest of the [[secret]] which is hidden over there, beyond the horizon?]]

* Supposing I was to tell you that it's just Beauty that's calling me, the beauty of the far off and unknown, the mystery and spell of the East which lures me in the books I've read, the need of the freedom of great wide spaces, the joy of wandering on and on — in quest of the secret which is hidden over there, beyond the horizon?
** Robert: Act 1, Scene 1
* You mustn't feel sorry for me. Don't you see I'm happy at last — free — free! — freed from the farm — free to wander on and on — eternally! Look! Isn't it beautiful beyond the hills? I can hear the old voices calling me to come —  And this time I'm going! It isn't the end. It's a free beginning — the start of my voyage! I've won to my trip — the right of release — beyond the horizon! Oh, you ought to be glad — glad — for my sake!
** Robert: Act 3, Scene 2

=== ''The Straw'' (1919)===
* It's queer they'd be allowin' the sick ones to read books when I'll bet it's the same lazy readin' in the house bought the half of them down with the consumption itself.
** Carmody: Act 1, Scene 2
* Irish as a Paddy's pig.
** Carmody: Act 1, Scene 2

=== ''[[w:The Hairy Ape|The Hairy Ape]]'' (1922)===
[[File:Carlotta Monterey O'Neill 1922.jpg|thumb|Is it one wid this you'd be, Yank … breaking our backs and hearts in the hell of the stokehole — feeding the bloody furnace — feeding our lives along wid the coal, I'm thinking — caged in by steel from a sight of the sky like bloody apes in the Zoo!]]

* We'd be making sail in the dawn, with a fair breeze, singing a chanty song wid no care to it. And astern the land would be sinking low and dying out, but we'd give it no heed but a laugh, and never look behind. For the day that was, was enough, for we was free men — and I'm thinking 'tis only slaves do be giving heed to the day that's gone or the day to come — until they're old like me.
** Paddy: Scene 1
* Is it one wid this you'd be, Yank — black smoke from the funnels smudging the sea, smudging the decks — the bloody engines pounding and throbbing and shaking — wid divil a sight of sun or a breath of clean air — choking our lungs wid coal dust — breaking our backs and hearts in the hell of the stokehole — feeding the bloody furnace — feeding our lives along wid the coal, I'm thinking — caged in by steel from a sight of the sky like bloody apes in the Zoo!
** Paddy: Scene 1
* Or rather, I inherited the acquired trait of the by-product, wealth, but none of the energy, none of the strength of the steel that made it. I am sired by gold and damned by it, as they say at the race track — damned in more ways than one.
** Mildred: Scene 2
* You seem to be going in for sincerity today. It isn't becoming to you, really — except as an obvious pose. Be as artificial as you are, I advise. There's a sort of sincerity in that, you know. And, after all, you must confess you like that better.
** Aunt: Scene 2

=== ''[[w:The Great God Brown|The Great God Brown]]'' (1926) ===
* Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue!
** Act 4, Scene 1

=== ''[[w:Strange Interlude|Strange Interlude]]'' (1928)===
* It has been a long day. Why don't you sleep now&amp;mdash;as you used to, remember?&amp;mdash;for a little while.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=q6JEAAAAYAAJ&amp;q=%22It+has+been+a+long+day+Why+don't+you+sleep+now+as+you+used+to+remember+for+a+little+while%22&amp;pg=PA200#v=onepage Act 9]

=== ''[[w:Dynamo (play)|Dynamo]]'' (1929)===
[[File:Entr'act Sedan 05.jpg|thumb|One may not give one's [[soul]] to a [[devil]] of [[hate]] — and remain forever scatheless.]]

* We have electrocuted your God. Don't be a fool.
** Act 2, Scene 1

=== ''[[w:Mourning Becomes Electra|Mourning Becomes Electra]]'' (1931) ===
* Don't cry. The damned don't cry.
** p.&amp;nbsp;253

=== ''Days Without End'' (1933) ===
[[File:Eugene O'Neill 1936.jpg|thumb|I [[listen]] to [[people]] talking about this universal breakdown we are in and I marvel at their [[stupid]] [[cowardice]].]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks04/0400051h.html Full text online at Project Gutenberg Australia] &lt;/small&gt;

* A credulous, religious-minded fool, as I've pointed out! And he carried his credulity into the next period of his life, where he believed in one social or philosophical Ism after another, always on the trail of Truth! He was never courageous enough to face what he really knew was true, that there is no truth for men, that human life is unimportant and meaningless. No. He was always grasping at some absurd new faith to find an excuse for going on!
** Loving, Act 3, Scene 1
* '''One may not give one's [[soul]] to a [[devil]] of [[hate]] — and remain forever scatheless.'''
** Father Baird, Act 3, Scene 1
* '''I [[listen]] to [[people]] talking about this universal breakdown we are in and I marvel at their [[stupid]] [[cowardice]].''' It is so obvious that they deliberately cheat themselves because their [[fear]] of [[change]] won't let them face the [[truth]]. They don't want to [[understand]] what has happened to them. All they want is to start the merry-go-round of blind [[greed]] all over again. They no longer know what they want this country to be, what they want it to become, where they want it to go. It has lost all meaning for them except as pig-wallow. And so their lives as citizens have no beginnings, no ends. '''They have lost the ideal of the Land of the Free. [[Freedom]] demands initiative, [[courage]], the need to [[decide]] what [[life]] must mean to oneself. To them, that is terror.''' They explain away their spiritual cowardice by whining that the [[time]] for [[individualism]] is past, when it is their courage to possess their own [[souls]] which is [[dead]] — and stinking! No, they don't want to be free. [[Slavery]] means [[security]] — of a kind, the only kind they have courage for. It means they need not to [[think]]. They have only to obey orders from owners who are, in turn, their slaves!
** John, Act 3, Scene 2
* '''We can begin to create new goals for ourselves, ends for our days! A new discipline for life will spring into being, a new will and power to live, a new ideal to measure the value of our lives by!''' … We need a new leader who will teach us that ideal, who by his life will exemplify it and make it a living truth for us — a man who will prove that man's fleeting life in time and space can be noble. We need, above all, to learn again to believe in the possibility of nobility of spirit in ourselves! A new savior must be born who will reveal to us how we can be saved from ourselves, so that we can be free of the past and inherit the future and not perish by it!
** John, Act 3, Scene 2
* O Son of Man, I am Thou and Thou art I! Why hast Thou forsaken me? O Brother Who lived and loved and suffered and died with us, Who knoweth the tortured hearts of men, canst Thou not forgive — now — when I surrender all to Thee — when I have forgiven Thee — the love that Thou once took from me! … Ah! Thou hast heard me at last! Thou hast not forsaken me! Thou hast always loved me! I am forgiven! I can forgive myself — through Thee! I can believe!
** John, Act 4, Scene 2

=== ''[[w:A Moon for the Misbegotten|A Moon for the Misbegotten]]'' (1952) ===
* '''There is no present or future — only the past happening over and over again — now.'''
** Tyrone, Act 3

=== ''[[w:Long Day's Journey into Night|Long Day's Journey into Night]]'' (1955)===
[[File:Portrait of Eugene O'Neill 2.png |thumb| I really love fog. It hides you from the [[world]] and the world from you. You [[feel]] that everything has [[changed]], and [[nothing]] is what it seemed to be.]]

* But I suppose life has made him like that, and he can't help it. None of us can help the things life has done to us. They're done before you realize it, and once they're done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your true self forever.
** Act 2, Scene 1, p.&amp;nbsp;63
* I hate doctors! They'll do anything — anything to keep you coming to them. They'll sell their souls! What's worse, they'll sell yours, and you never know it till one day you find yourself in hell!
** Act 2, Scene 1, p.&amp;nbsp;76
* It wasn't the fog I minded, Cathleen. I really love fog. It hides you from the world and the world from you. You feel that everything has changed, and nothing is what it seemed to be. No one can find or touch you any more. Its the foghorn I hate. It won't let you alone. It keeps reminding you, and warning you, and calling you back.
** Act 3, p.&amp;nbsp;100
* How thick the fog is. I can't see the road. All the people in the world could pass by and I would never know. I wish it was always that way. It's getting dark already. It will soon be night, thank goodness.
** Act 3, p.&amp;nbsp;104
* I haven't touched a piano in so many years. I couldn't play with such crippled fingers, even if I wanted to. For a time after my marriage I tried to keep up my music. But it was hopeless. One-night stands, cheap hotels, dirty trains, leaving children, never having a home — [She stares at her hands with fascinated disgust.] See, Cathleen, how ugly they are! So maimed and crippled! You would think they'd been through some horrible accident! [She gives a strange little laugh.] So they have, come to think of it. [She suddenly thrusts her hands behind her back.] I won't look at them. They're worse than the foghorn for reminding me — [Then with defiant self-assurance.] But even they can't touch me now. [She brings her hands from behind her back and deliberately stares at them — calmly.] They're far away. I see them, but the pain has gone.
** Act 3, p.&amp;nbsp;106
* It kills the pain. You go back until at last you are beyond its reach. Only the past when you were happy is real.
** Act 3, p.&amp;nbsp;107
* I'm as drunk as a fiddler's bitch.
** p.&amp;nbsp;158
* Yes, I remember. I fell in love with James Tyrone and was so happy for a time
** p.&amp;nbsp;179
* What the hell was it I wanted to buy, I wonder, that was worth&amp;mdash;Well no matter. It's a late day for regrets.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=YI8iwzZhl6AC&amp;q=%22what+the+hell+was+it+I+wanted+to+buy+I+wonder+that+was+worth+well+no+matter+it's+a+late+day+for+regrets%22&amp;pg=PT133#v=onepage Act 4]

== Quotes about O'Neill ==
* Interviewing Eugene O'Neill is like extracting testimony from a reluctant witness. In fact, to use the word &quot;interview&quot; in connection with him is to employ almost a misnomer. Certainly it is an inapplicable designation. An interview presupposes a colloquy. A flow of words between two persons. Nothing more erroneous could be circulated about [him]. ... Silence. Silence. More questions, probings, attempts to secure opinions, statements, anything but monosyllables. Futility! Suddenly, I am overcome with a sense of the ridiculous. Here are two people whose very careers oppose this sort of conduct. A playwright who deals in words. A writer who juggles them daily. Sitting across from each other in silence, apparently overcome with shyness.
** Carol Bird, &quot;Eugene O'Neill—The Inner Man&quot;, in ''Theatre Magazine'' (June 1924), p.&amp;nbsp;9
* Not artifice, nor any solacing reason could mediate the authority of his private pain.
** Richard Hayes, &quot;Eugene O'Neill: The Tragic in Exile&quot;, in John Gassner (ed.), ''O'Neill: A Collection of Critical Essays'' (1964), p.&amp;nbsp;56

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}} 
* [http://www.nndb.com/people/319/000022253/ Profile at NNDB]
* [http://nobelprize.org/literature/laureates/1936/oneill-autobio.html Nobel autobiography]
* [http://www.eoneill.com/ eOneill.com: An Electronic Eugene O'Neill Archive]
* [http://www.cummingsstudyguides.net/Guides2/Iceman.html#Top The Iceman Cometh: A Study Guide]
* {{gutenberg author|id=Eugene+O+Neill|name=Eugene O'Neill}}
* [http://www.nps.gov/euon/ Eugene O'Neill National Historic Site]
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/oneill/ American Experience - Eugene O'Neill: A Documentary Film on PBS]
* [http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&amp;GRid=768 Eugene O'Neill's Photo &amp; Gravesite]

{{DEFAULTSORT:O'Neill, Eugene}}
[[Category:People from New York City]]
[[Category:1888 births]]
[[Category:1953 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Playwrights from the United States]]
[[Category:Agnostics from the United States]]
[[Category:Tony Award winners]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Princeton University alumni]]
[[Category:Pulitzer Prize winners]]
[[Category:Laurence Olivier Award winners]]</text>
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    <title>Cro</title>
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'''''[[w:Cro (TV series)|Cro]]''''' ([[w:1993 in television|1993]]-[[w:1994 in television|1994]]) was an animated TV series that aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]], then reran on [[w:Noggin|Noggin]] from [[w:1999 in television|1999]] to [[w:2002 in television|2002]]. According to the end credits, it was &quot;based on the original idea from the book, ''[[w:The Way Things Work|The Way Things Work]] by [[w:David Macaulay|David Macaulay]]. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Dialogue==
{{unreferenced|section}}
===Cro===
:NANDYYYYYY!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:Ogg, it wasn't Bobb's fault! Let him stay!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:[''to Selene''] I've got no mother, no father, nobody wants me...except the Neanderthals and they're not to crazy about me! I don't even have a real pet! Just this log!

===Ogg===
:(''repeated line'') 
:In cases like this, only one thing to
:say...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:(''two mammoths tell a joke with humans at the butt'')
:That not funny!
:(''throws a pie at the mammoths'')
:Not politically correct, either!

===Gogg===
:(''Gogg is telling why Bobb is afraid of him being secluded'')
:'''Gogg:''' Bobb say something happen when he little boy. Once  
:upon  a time, Bobb's old tribe--
:'''Nandy:''' (''interrupting'') They cute! Look just like Bobb!
:'''Gogg:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, lay down for nappies. But 
:when Bobb wake up...

&lt;hr width=10%/&gt;

:'''Gogg:''' Bobb...he all alone.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Gogg:''' Bobb think Ogg impose punishment too severe for [[w:Things That Eat Mung in the Night|crime]]!

===Nandy===
:What matter? Hole done yet? (''sees boulder coming'' 
:''pendulum-like towards her'') No. Nandy done. Way done!


:(''repeated line'')
:Neandie: We gonna die!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===Phil===
:Now which lever was that again? Oh, I'm kidding!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:And now without further ado, I'd like to present my 
:[[Christmas]] list.

===Pakka===
:'''Pakka:''' C'mon, Cro. We've gotta finish building the statues!
:'''Cro''' (''distracted'') Not now, Pakka, we're trying to build  
:a bridge.
:'''Pakka:''' Without supports?
:'''Cro:''' (''shocked'') Supports?

===Predators===
====Dire Wolves====
:'''Big Red:''' I have decided to accompany you flea-biters this 
:time in order to prevent further failure. If we do not succeed on 
:our mission tonight, (''menacingly'') I shall be forced ''gnaw'' on 
:one of youse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:(''the dire wolves are searching for the Neandies' mung'')
:'''Murray:''' Hey, where's the mung? Oh yeah!
:(''Ogg unravels himself in his sleep'')
:'''Wolves:''' A HUMAN!
:'''Murray:''' And with a big club! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

====Selene====

:'''All:''' (''shouting'') Ogg gonna die!
:'''Selene:''' Yes and quite tastefully, I might add!

===Earle and Mojo===
Earle and Mojo: Men is in the Valley!

===Esmeralda===
:(''Earle is knocking down the slope mechanism'')
:'''[[w:Nandy|Nandy]]:''' What that big noise?
:'''Esmeralda:''' I don't know, but it could start an avalanche!  
:Everyone off the slopes!

===Ivana===
:Yes, ''adult'' boars would be much bigger, smellier too, than ''that'' one! The parents would be very worried about their babies if they went missing.(''notices a bunch of boars on the nearby [[w:cliff|scarp]]'') In fact...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===Mike===
:(''Phil crashes back onto [[Earth]]'')
:Trade cool! Right into the next door neighbor's  
:swimming pool.

===Dr. C===
Dr.C: Mike, there is one lever you over look that just might get Phil out of the shower. I hate to do it. But . . .

(she flushes the toilet)

==Other Dialogue==

===Episode: &quot;Here's Looking At You, Cro!&quot;===
:'''Porcupine:''' (''to the audience'') This may look fun,  
:kids, but remember these are trained professionals. Don't try this 
:at home!

===Theme Song===

:''(Cro...Cro...)''
:''Cro was a smart boy,''
:''Had a lot on the ball''
:''But the family that took him in''
:''Was total Neanderthal''
:''(Oh...Oh...)''
:''Cro - just a memory''
:''Of his mammoth friend named Phil''
:''Who was found by the scientist Dr. C''
:''And Mike in the [[w:Arctic|Arctic]] Chill''
:''(Oh...)''
:''Phil fell into a [[w:glacier|glacier]]''
:''It was like a big [[w:deep freezer|deep-freeze]]''
:''But he was brought back to life to his surprise''
:''In the [[w:20th Century|20th Century]]''
:''So listen as Phil takes us back''
:''To wonders of [[w:Stone age|long ago]]''
:''And we've a tale of Woollyville''
:''And an Ice age boy named''
:''(Cro...Cro... Cro!)''

===Mammoth Oath===
:A mammoth is wise, a mammoth is smart.
:We care about science as we care about art.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows‎]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows‎]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:ABC animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children‎]]</text>
      <sha1>bnxmi6jtpo70tku1quxnnvx31pxc93u</sha1>
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      <text bytes="5054" sha1="dk1or9emycdi3yid2d8t181ttpv4r80" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Cro (TV series)|Cro]]''''' ([[w:1993 in television|1993]]-[[w:1994 in television|1994]]) was an animated TV series that aired on [[w:American Broadcasting Company|ABC]], then reran on [[w:Noggin|Noggin]] from [[w:1999 in television|1999]] to [[w:2002 in television|2002]]. According to the end credits, it was &quot;based on the original idea from the book, ''[[w:The Way Things Work|The Way Things Work]]'' by [[w:David Macaulay|David Macaulay]]. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Dialogue==
{{unreferenced|section}}
===Cro===
:NANDYYYYYY!!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:Ogg, it wasn't Bobb's fault! Let him stay!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:[''to Selene''] I've got no mother, no father, nobody wants me...except the Neanderthals and they're not to crazy about me! I don't even have a real pet! Just this log!

===Ogg===
:(''repeated line'') 
:In cases like this, only one thing to
:say...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:(''two mammoths tell a joke with humans at the butt'')
:That not funny!
:(''throws a pie at the mammoths'')
:Not politically correct, either!

===Gogg===
:(''Gogg is telling why Bobb is afraid of him being secluded'')
:'''Gogg:''' Bobb say something happen when he little boy. Once  
:upon  a time, Bobb's old tribe--
:'''Nandy:''' (''interrupting'') They cute! Look just like Bobb!
:'''Gogg:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, lay down for nappies. But 
:when Bobb wake up...

&lt;hr width=10%/&gt;

:'''Gogg:''' Bobb...he all alone.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Gogg:''' Bobb think Ogg impose punishment too severe for [[w:Things That Eat Mung in the Night|crime]]!

===Nandy===
:What matter? Hole done yet? (''sees boulder coming'' 
:''pendulum-like towards her'') No. Nandy done. Way done!


:(''repeated line'')
:Neandie: We gonna die!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===Phil===
:Now which lever was that again? Oh, I'm kidding!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:And now without further ado, I'd like to present my 
:[[Christmas]] list.

===Pakka===
:'''Pakka:''' C'mon, Cro. We've gotta finish building the statues!
:'''Cro''' (''distracted'') Not now, Pakka, we're trying to build  
:a bridge.
:'''Pakka:''' Without supports?
:'''Cro:''' (''shocked'') Supports?

===Predators===
====Dire Wolves====
:'''Big Red:''' I have decided to accompany you flea-biters this 
:time in order to prevent further failure. If we do not succeed on 
:our mission tonight, (''menacingly'') I shall be forced ''gnaw'' on 
:one of youse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:(''the dire wolves are searching for the Neandies' mung'')
:'''Murray:''' Hey, where's the mung? Oh yeah!
:(''Ogg unravels himself in his sleep'')
:'''Wolves:''' A HUMAN!
:'''Murray:''' And with a big club! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

====Selene====

:'''All:''' (''shouting'') Ogg gonna die!
:'''Selene:''' Yes and quite tastefully, I might add!

===Earle and Mojo===
Earle and Mojo: Men is in the Valley!

===Esmeralda===
:(''Earle is knocking down the slope mechanism'')
:'''[[w:Nandy|Nandy]]:''' What that big noise?
:'''Esmeralda:''' I don't know, but it could start an avalanche!  
:Everyone off the slopes!

===Ivana===
:Yes, ''adult'' boars would be much bigger, smellier too, than ''that'' one! The parents would be very worried about their babies if they went missing.(''notices a bunch of boars on the nearby [[w:cliff|scarp]]'') In fact...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===Mike===
:(''Phil crashes back onto [[Earth]]'')
:Trade cool! Right into the next door neighbor's  
:swimming pool.

===Dr. C===
Dr.C: Mike, there is one lever you over look that just might get Phil out of the shower. I hate to do it. But . . .

(she flushes the toilet)

==Other Dialogue==

===Episode: &quot;Here's Looking At You, Cro!&quot;===
:'''Porcupine:''' (''to the audience'') This may look fun,  
:kids, but remember these are trained professionals. Don't try this 
:at home!

===Theme Song===

:''(Cro...Cro...)''
:''Cro was a smart boy,''
:''Had a lot on the ball''
:''But the family that took him in''
:''Was total Neanderthal''
:''(Oh...Oh...)''
:''Cro - just a memory''
:''Of his mammoth friend named Phil''
:''Who was found by the scientist Dr. C''
:''And Mike in the [[w:Arctic|Arctic]] Chill''
:''(Oh...)''
:''Phil fell into a [[w:glacier|glacier]]''
:''It was like a big [[w:deep freezer|deep-freeze]]''
:''But he was brought back to life to his surprise''
:''In the [[w:20th Century|20th Century]]''
:''So listen as Phil takes us back''
:''To wonders of [[w:Stone age|long ago]]''
:''And we've a tale of Woollyville''
:''And an Ice age boy named''
:''(Cro...Cro... Cro!)''

===Mammoth Oath===
:A mammoth is wise, a mammoth is smart.
:We care about science as we care about art.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows‎]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows‎]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:ABC animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children‎]]</text>
      <sha1>dk1or9emycdi3yid2d8t181ttpv4r80</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Washington, D.C.</title>
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      <text bytes="23845" sha1="bpngb4bwgxn84ejk1d337cf82hu4m5g" xml:space="preserve">[[File:White House (south side).JPG|thumb|The White House]]
[[File:U.S. Capitol, Washington, D.C., West View 20110826 1.jpg|thumb|The U.S. Capitol]]
[[File:Flag of Washington, D.C.svg|thumb|The flag of Washington, D.C.]]
[[File:Seal of the District of Columbia.svg|thumb|The seal of Washington, D.C.]]
[[File:Reflecting pool.jpg|thumb|The reflecting pool and the Washington Monument]]
[[File:DC Skyline in Full Moon.jpg|thumb|Washington, D.C. skyline, with full moon]]
'''[[w:Washington, D.C.|Washington, District of Columbia]]''' ('''D.C.'''), otherwise referred to formally as '''Washington, District''', '''Washington, Columbia''', '''Washington''' or '''Columbia''' or the '''District of Columbia''' ('''D.C.''') or '''District''' for short, is the [[w:capital city|capital]] of the [[United States|United States of America]]. The signing of the [[w:Residence Act|Residence Act]] on July 16, 1790, approved the creation of a [[w:capital district|capital district]] located along the [[w:Potomac River|Potomac River]] on the country's [[w:East Coast of the United States|East Coast]]. As permitted by the [[U.S. Constitution]], the District is under the [[w:District of Columbia home rule|exclusive jurisdiction]] of the [[United States Congress|Congress]] and is therefore not a part of any [[w:U.S. state|U.S. state]]. The U.S. states of [[w:Maryland|Maryland]] and [[Virginia]] each donated land to form the federal district, which included the preexisting settlements of [[w:Georgetown (Washington, D.C.)|Georgetown]] and [[w:Alexandria, Virginia|Alexandria]]. Named in honor of [[George Washington]], the City of Washington was founded in 1791 to serve as the new national capital. In 1846, Congress [[w:District of Columbia retrocession|returned the land originally ceded by]] [[Virginia]] and created a [[w:District of Columbia Organic Act of 1871|single municipal government]] for the remaining portion of the District in 1871.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

[[File:12-07-13-washington-by-RalfR-08.jpg|thumb|If there is one thing that is bipartisan in Washington, it is brazen hypocrisy. ~ [[Thomas Sowell]]]]

[[Live Action]]

== Quotes ==
===A===
* Immediately seek shelter in the closest office. Remain quiet and await further directions.
** Announcement over a loudspeaker across the Capitol during the [[2021 storming of the United States Capitol|2021 storming]], according to  [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/live-blog/electoral-college-certification-updates-n1252864/ncrd1253080#liveBlogHeader Live Blog / Live updates: 1 dead after pro-Trump mob breaches Capitol, National Guard called in] Updated Jan. 6, 2021, 3:41 PM PST

===B===
* There is a sort of an unwritten code in Washington, among the underworld and the hustlers and these other guys that I am their friend.
**[[Marion Barry]], explaining why he was upset at being robbed at gunpoint, as quoted in the ''[[w:Washington Express|Washington Express]]'' (4 January 2006), p. 11

* Washington is the most intensely parochial city in the world.
** [[Claire Berlinski]], [https://twitter.com/ClaireBerlinski/status/1059782312966189058 Twitter post] (6 November 2018)

* Before me stands monuments of the greatest and the goodness of our nation— monuments of light and liberty. There is a towering [[w:Washington Monument|memorial]] to [[George Washington]]. The general who led our [[American Revolution|revolution]], the president who set our nation on its course. There’s a memorial to [[Thomas Jefferson]], whose words about liberty and equality literally changed the world. And across the [[w:Tidal basin|tidal basin]] from the [[w:Jefferson memorial|Jefferson memorial]], there stands [[Martin Luther King, Jr.|Dr. Martin Luther King Jr]]., his arms crossed, his eyes fixed ahead toward the promised land where [[equality]] is not only an aspiration but a reality. They help define who we are. Guide what we do. Remind us of the work that history has given us in our own time.
** [[Joe Biden]], &quot;Declaring Our Independence from a Deadly Virus&quot; 2021. ''Vital Speeches of the Day'' 87 (9): 213–14. 

* WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)

* The global role of the [[United States]] is perhaps the ultimate chapter in that long period of [[European colonization of the Americas|European expansion]] which had begun in [[western Europe]], and especially on the [[Atlantic Ocean|Atlantic]] seaboard, during the 15th century. Europe slowly had outgrown its homeland. Its cultural empire eventually formed a long band traversing most of the [[wikipedia:Northern_Hemisphere|Northern Hemisphere]] and dipping far into the [[wikipedia:Southern_Hemisphere|Southern]]. The modern hub of the peoples and ideas of European origin is now [[New York City|New York]] as much as [[Paris]], or [[Los Angeles]] as much as [[London]]. In the history of the European peoples the city of Washington is perhaps what [[Constantinople]] - the infant city of [[Constantine the Great|Emperor Constantine]] - was to the last phase of the [[Roman Empire]]; for it is unlikely that Europeans, a century hence, will continue to stamp the world so decisively with their ideas and inventions.
** [[Geoffrey Blainey]], ''A Short History of the World'' (2000)

* In the city of Washington, where virtue dies&lt;br&gt;in the immoral sewage as it putrefies,&lt;br&gt;those who tell the most brazen, despicable lies,&lt;br&gt;and accumulate sound bites that self-aggrandize,&lt;br&gt;trade their souls in for power that they exercise&lt;br&gt;for their personal profit, to no great surprise.
** Warren Bonham, [https://classicalpoets.org/2024/09/05/where-virtue-dies-and-other-poetry-by-warren-bonham/ &quot;‘Where Virtue Dies’ and Other Poetry by Warren Bonham&quot;], ''The Society of Classical Poets'' (September 5, 2024)

* The center of American ideas is Washington, D.C.
** [[w:Arthur C. Brooks|Arthur Brooks]], [http://conversationswithbillkristol.org/video/arthur-brooks/ interview with Bill Kristol] (2015), [http://conversationswithbillkristol.org/transcript/arthur-brooks-video/ transcript]

* Too small to be a state but too large to be an [[Psychiatric hospital|asylum]] for the mentally deranged.
** [[w:Anne Gorsuch Burford|Anne Gorsuch Burford]], characterizing the District of Columbia, remarks to a Colorado state convention of wool growers, Vail, Colorado, July 27, 1984, as reported by The Washington Post, July 29, 1984, p. 1. Burford was a former administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency. Her remark is reminiscent of one reportedly made by James L. Petigru during Christmas week, 1860, in Charleston, South Carolina, when he was asked by Robert Barnwell Rhett, a leader of the secessionists, if he were with them: &quot;South Carolina is too small for a republic and too large for an insane asylum&quot;.—Earl Schenck Miers, The Great Rebellion, p. 50 (1958).

* I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of [[ambition]] in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with [[success]] as opposed to [[failure]].
** [[George W. Bush]], interview with the ''Associated Press'' (18 January 2001)

* [T]here is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town.
** [[George W. Bush]], as quoted in [http://archive.is/CaoOs#selection-955.0-1007.7 &quot;W.’s Greatest Hits: The top 25 Bushisms of all time&quot;] (12 January 2009), by Jacob Weisberg, ''Slate''

===C===
* Washington isn’t like everywhere else. The city’s economy is tied directly to the size of the federal budget, which has grown virtually without pause since the [[attack on Pearl Harbor]] in 1941. The District of Columbia and its surrounding [[Suburb|suburbs]] are now the wealthiest metro region in the country. Washington’s job market is effectively bulletproof. Political figures cycle in and out of [[Federal government of the United States|government]], from [[lobbying]] to [[finance]] to contracting and back, growing richer at every turn. In Washington, prosperity is all but guaranteed. To the rest of the country, this looks like [[corruption]], because, essentially, it is. But if you live there, it’s all upside. The most interesting effect of uninterrupted [[economic growth]] is that the culture of the city remains unusually stable. Even as Washington’s population has grown exponentially over the years, many things about the city haven’t changed at all. Most of the affluent [[neighborhoods]] look the same demographically as they did in 1960. [[Mothers]] don’t work. [[Divorce]] is unusual. [[w:Housing_prices|Housing prices]] almost never fall. It’s a cultural time capsule. By voter registration, D.C. is the most [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] city in America. Yet the instincts of the people who live there are deeply [[Conservatism|conservative]]. Washingtonians hate change. More than anything, they hate to be told they’re wrong, or their ideas are stupid, especially when they are.
** [[Tucker Carlson]], ''Ship of Fools: How a Selfish Ruling Class Is Bringing America to the Brink of Revolution'' (2018)
* We have built no national temples but the Capitol; we consult no common oracle but the [[United States Constitution|Constitution]].
** [[Rufus Choate]], &quot;The Importance of Illustrating New-England History by a Series of Romances like the Waverley Novels&quot;, a lecture delivered at Salem, Massachusetts (1833).

* If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed.
** [[w:Irwin S. Cobb|Irwin S. Cobb]]. Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989).

*We need to make D.C. listen.
** [[Ted Cruz]], transcript of ObamaCare filibuster, [http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2013/09/25/transcript-sen-ted-cruzs-filibuster-against-obamacare/ TRANSCRIPT: Sen. Ted Cruz’s marathon speech against Obamacare on Sept. 24], ''Washington Post'' (September 24, 2013)

===E===
*'''[[Abigail Adams]]''': Half-fed slaves building our nation's capital. What possible good can come from such a place?
** [[Abigail Adams]] as interpreted by [[w:Laura Linney|Laura Linney]] in ''[[w:John Adams (miniseries)|John Adams]]'', written by [[w:Kirk Ellis|Kirk Ellis]], &quot;Part VI: Unnecessary War&quot;, (March 16 – April 27, 2008); based on the book by [[w:David McCullough|David McCullough]]

* After much menutial search for an elligible situation, prompted I may say from a fear of being prejudiced in favour of a first opinion I could discover no one so advantageously to greet the congressional building as is that on the west end of Jenkins heights which stand as a pedestal waiting for a monument, and I am confident, were all the wood cleared from the ground no situation could stand in competition with this. some might perhaps require less labour to be rendered agreeable but after all assistance of arts none ever would be made so grand and all other would appear but of secondary nature.
** [[Pierre L'Enfant]], letter to George Washington (June 22, 1791); ''Records of the Columbia Historical Society'' (1899), vol. 2, p. 35. This letter contained a description of Capitol Hill, then called Jenkins Hill.

===F===
* Just applied to an apartment in DC where I told the guy that my [[credit]] was really bad. He said I’d be fine. Got denied, lost the apartment, and the application fee. This ain’t meant for people who don’t already have [[money]]
** [[Maxwell Frost]] [https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/09/politics/maxwell-frost-dc-apartment-denied/index.html First Gen Z congressman-elect says he was denied DC apartment over bad credit] (By Sonnet Swire, CNN Published 7:24 PM EST, Fri December 9, 2022)

===H===
* An incumbent in [[w:Washington, D.C.|Washington]] knows he is in trouble on the day that [[Cartoon|cartoonists]] begin to represent him as a [[king]].
**[[Christopher Hitchens]], ''[https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=stfi0I6zcXwC&amp;lpg=PP1&amp;dq=the%20monarchy%20a%20critique&amp;pg=PP1#v=onepage&amp;q=the%20monarchy%20a%20critique&amp;f=false The Monarchy: A Critique of Britain's Favourite Fetish]'' (1990), Random House.

* Washington is a city where dwell many of the first men of the land, and the women they married when they were young.
** [[Fanny Dixwell Holmes]], remark to President Theodore Roosevelt at the reception preceding a dinner at the White House in honor of her husband, Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, January 8, 1903. Reported in Catherine Drinker Bowen, ''Yankee from Olympus'', p. 362 (1944).  Originally cited in Francis Biddle, &quot;Mr. Justice Holmes&quot;, p. 195 (1942).

===K===
* Somebody once said that Washington was a city of Northern charm and [[Southern United States|Southern]] efficiency.
** [[John F. Kennedy]], remarks to the trustees and advisory committee of the national cultural center, November 14, 1961. ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1961'', p. 719.

*Back in about 1753 it took a letter three days to go from [[New York City]] to Washington, and today you can go from here to [[China]] in less time than that... Man's [[Science|scientific]] [[genius]] has been amazing.
** [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], &quot;[https://web.archive.org/web/20090129133622/http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/index.php/kingpapers/article/rediscovering_lost_values/ &quot;Rediscovering Lost Values]&quot;, sermon delivered at Detroit's Second Baptist Church (28 February 1954).

*A gaffe in Washington is when a [[Politicians|politician]] inadvertently reveals the [[truth]], especially about himself.
**[[Charles Krauthammer]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20160805002016/https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/donald-trump-and-the-fitness-threshold/2016/08/04/b06bae34-5a69-11e6-831d-0324760ca856_story.html &quot;Donald Trump and the fitness threshold&quot;], at ''The Washington Post'' (4 August 2016)

===L===
*But it is dreaded that the freed people will swarm forth and cover the whole land. Are they not already in the land? Will [[liberation]] make them any more numerous? Equally distributed among the [[White people|whites]] of the whole country, and there would be but one [[Black people|colored]] to seven whites. Could the one in any way greatly disturb the seven? There are many communities now having more than one free colored person to seven whites and this without any apparent consciousness of evil from it. The District of Columbia and the States of [[Maryland]] and [[Delaware]] are all in this condition. The District has more than one free colored to six whites, and yet in its frequent petitions to Congress I believe it has never presented the presence of free colored persons as one of its grievances. But why should emancipation [[Southern United States|South]] send the free people North? People of any color seldom run unless there be something to run from. Hertofore colored people to some extent have fled North from bondage, and now, perhaps, from both bondage and destitution.
**[[Abraham Lincoln]], [[s:Abraham Lincoln's Second State of the Union Address|Second State of the Union Address]] (1 December 1862).

* If people see the Capitol going on, it is a sign we intend the [[Union (United States)|Union]] shall go on.
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], remark to John Eaton of Toledo, Ohio (1863), reported in [[Carl Sandburg]], ''Abraham Lincoln'' (1939), vol. 2, p. 535 (1939). Sandburg notes that Eaton had spoken to Lincoln of &quot;hoisting the statue of Liberty over the Capitol dome, new marble pillars to be installed on the Senate wing, a massive and richly embellished bronze door being made for the main central portal. People were saying it was an extravagance during wartime&quot;.

* So I came to Washington, where I knew I would be farther away from America than I could be on some foreign shore; not that I do not respect this as a good part of America but in its general routine the heart of America is felt less here than at any place I have ever been.
** [[Huey Long]], remarks in the Senate, May 17, 1932, Congressional Record, vol. 75, p. 10393.

===M===
* During the hours of the curfew, no person, other than persons designated by the Mayor, shall walk, bike, run, loiter, stand, or motor by car or other mode of transport upon any street, alley, park, or other public place within the District
** [[Muriel Bowser]] [https://www.npr.org/sections/congress-electoral-college-tally-live-updates/2021/01/06/954052803/d-c-mayor-issues-6-pm-curfew-as-trump-supporters-breach-capitol D.C. Mayor Issues 6 P.M. Curfew As Trump Supporters Breach Capitol] posted January 6, 20213:17 PM ET

===O===
*ask yourself why *any* US citizen is denied the right to vote bc of where they live. Even US citizens living ABROAD have the right to vote but US citizens in [[Puerto Rico]] cannot. It’s [[colonialism]]. And in the case of DC, [[Racism in the United States|racism]].
**[[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez]] 4/21/2022 on [https://twitter.com/AOC/status/1517317830273908738 Twitter]

===R===
*We can't even straighten up our capital in terms of [[crime]].
**[[Rick Rescorla]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGXjjgMLQVs interview in New York] (28 July 1998)

===S===
* This is truly the capital... And the capital of [[United States|the most important nation in the world]]—so there is more protocol here... If you want to know who next [[President of the United States|U.S. president]] will be, you cannot stay within the beltway... I always tell my staff that this is a big country with a history.
** Henne Schuwer, [http://usafmc.org/news/inprofile-schuwer/ interview with Safa Shahwan] (May 2016)

* ''Everyone'' was somebody’s cousin, or uncle, or bedmate, or best college friend. Sometimes he felt that the whole of Washington was glued together into one vast, incestuous, and inefficient snotball.
** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''The Double Spiral Staircase'' in ''[[w:Charles Sheffield|Dancing with Myself]]'' (1993), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-671-72185-2}}, &lt;/small&gt; p. 180

* In Washington, the clearer a statement is, the more certain it is to be followed by a &quot;clarification&quot; when people realize what was said.
** [[Thomas Sowell]], [http://jewishworldreview.com/cols/sowell060209.php3 &quot;Out of Context&quot;], ''Jewish World Review'' (2 June 2009).

* '''If there is one thing that is bipartisan in Washington, it is brazen [[hypocrisy]].'''
** [[Thomas Sowell]], [http://townhall.com/columnists/thomassowell/2016/03/29/supreme-hypocrisy-n2139969 &quot;Supreme Hypocrisy&quot;], 29 March 2016

===T===
* [George] Washington intended this to be a Federal city, and it is a Federal city, and it tingles down to the feet of every man, whether he comes from [[w:Washington (state)|Washington State]], or [[Los Angeles]], or [[Texas]], when he comes and walks these city streets and begins to feel that this is my city; I own a part of this Capital, and I envy for the time being those who are able to spend their time here. I quite admit that there are defects in the system of government by which [[United States Congress|Congress]] is bound to look after the government of the District of Columbia. It could not be otherwise under such a system, but I submit to the judgment of history that the result vindicates the foresight of the fathers.
** [[William Howard Taft]], address at a banquet given in his honor by the Board of Trade and Chamber of Commerce of Washington, D.C. (May 8, 1909); ''Presidential Addresses and State Papers of William Howard Taft'' (1910), vol. 1, chapter 7, p. 82-83.

* Now, I am opposed to the franchise in the District [of Columbia]; I am opposed, and not because I yield to any one in my support and belief in the principles of self-government; but principles are applicable generally, and then, unless you make exceptions to the application of these principles, you will find that they will carry you to very illogical and absurd results. This was taken out of the application of the principle of self-government in the very Constitution that was intended to put that in force in every other part of the country, and it was done because it was intended to have the representatives of all the people in the country control this one city, and to prevent its being controlled by the parochial spirit that would necessarily govern men who did not look beyond the city to the grandeur of the nation, and this as the representative of that nation.
** [[William Howard Taft]], address at a banquet given in his honor by the Board of Trade and Chamber of Commerce of Washington, D.C. (May 8, 1909); ''Presidential Addresses and State Papers of William Howard Taft'' (1910), vol. 1, chapter 7, p. 83.

*D.C. you could be the end of me.
**[[w:Train (band)|Train]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffZPaPisgWY &quot;Idaho&quot;], ''Train'' (1996), California: Wolfgang Records

===W===
*To my eye, there is more American greatness in a [[New England]] town hall than in all of Washington, and more American greatness in an [[Oregon]] apple orchard or a Rotary meeting than there is in all the tanks and rockets that ever have been.
**[[Kevin D. Williamson]], [https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/03/american-nationalism-public-policy-aesthetics-donald-trump/ &quot;The Nationalism Show&quot;] (March 2019), ''National Review''

* We start from scratch, every generation. [[History]] does not bend inevitably toward [[justice]], or [[freedom]], or [[decency]], or even stability. History doesn’t do that in [[Hong Kong]], or in [[Moscow]], or in Washington or [[New York City]] or [[Los Angeles]]. History goes where we push it. And if we don’t push, someone else will.
** [[Kevin D. Williamson]], &quot;[[Kevin D. Williamson#:~:text=We start from,2020), National Review|The End of (Whig) History]]&quot; (1 July 2020), ''National Review''

=== Z ===

* During the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], one of the nation's leading [[Abolitionism|abolitionists]] was [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] Senator [[Henry Wilson]], of [[Massachusetts]], who would later serve as vice president during [[Ulysses S. Grant|President Grant]]'s second term. In December 1861, Mr. Wilson introduced a bill to abolish [[Slavery in the United States|slavery]] in the District. The measure met with parliamentary obstacles from the adamantly pro-slavery [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]], whom Republicans in those days referred to as the 'Slave-ocrats'. Most Democrats in Congress having resigned in order to join the [[Confederate States of America|Confederate]] rebellion, Wilson's measure sailed through the Senate. The abolitionist senator responsible for outmaneuvering Democrat opposition was [[Benjamin Wade|Ben Wade]], the [[Ohio]] Republican who six years later would have assumed the presidency had the bitterly [[Racism in the United States|racist]] Democratic President, [[Andrew Johnson]], been convicted during his [[impeachment]] trial. In the House of Representatives, Democrats delayed passage with a series of stalling tactics. Finally, the majority leader, [[Thaddeus Stevens]], bulldozed over Democrat opposition by calling the House into a committee of the whole. He stopped all other business in the House until Democrats relented and allowed a vote on the bill. Stevens, of [[Pennsylvania]], is best known for his 'forty acres and a mule' proposal. Overall, 99 percent of Republicans in Congress voted to free the slaves in the District of Columbia, and 83 percent of Democrats voted to keep them in chains.
** [[wikipedia:Michael Zak|Michael Zak]], as quoted in [http://www.nationalblackrepublicans.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=pages.OtherNewsKilledSlavery &quot;Who killed slavery?&quot;] (17 April 2006), by M. Zak, ''The Washington Times''.

==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
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    <title>Mister Rogers' Neighborhood</title>
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'''''[[w:Mister Rogers' Neighborhood|Mister Rogers' Neighborhood]]''''', also known as '''''Mister Rogers''''', is an American children's television series that was created and hosted by [[w:Fred Rogers|Fred Rogers]]. It aired from 1968 to 2001. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

== Opening song (Won't You Be My Neighbor?) ==
*'''Mister Rogers''': ''It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,''
*:''A beautiful day for a neighbor.''
*:''Would you be mine? Could you be mine?''
*:''It's the neighborly day in this beauty wood.''
*:''The neighborly day for the beauty.''
*:''Would you be mine? Could you be mine?''
*:''I have always wanted to have a neighbor.''
*:''Just like you.''
*:''I have always wanted to live in the neighborhood,''
*:''With you.''
*:''So let's make the most for this beautiful day.''
*:''Since we are together, we might as well say,''
*:''&quot;Would you be mine? Could you be mine?''
*:''&quot;Won't you be my neighbor?&quot;.''

==Fathers and Music part 3==
:'''Mister Rogers''': ''[as his grandson was about touch Trolley control switch]'' Uh, that doesn't make it work. Unless it's on the track.

== Closing song ==

===All Episodes===
:'''Mister Rogers''': ''[singing]'' ''It's such a good feeling.''
:''To know you were alive,''
:''It's such a happy feeling.''
:''You were growing inside,''
:''That when you wake up and ready to say,''
:''&quot;I think I will make the snappy new day!&quot;.'' 
:''[By that line --on the first verse-- Fred Rogers snaps his fingers. That is, after he sings the last phrase of the first verse, &quot;I think I make a snappy new day!&quot;.]''

===Monday through Friday Episodes===

:'''Mister Rogers''': ''[singing]'' ''It's such a good feeling.''
:''A very good feeling.''
:''The feeling you know that I will be back,''
:''When the day is new.'' ''[On Monday through Thursday episodes, he used &quot;day&quot;. But it was &quot;week&quot; for Friday episodes.]''
:''And I will have more ideas for you.''
:''And you will have things you want to talk about.''
:''I will too.''

==Funding==

===Funding Credits (1968-2000)===
:'''Mister Rogers''': ''[voiceover]'' The people who gave the money to make ''Mister Rogers Neighborhood'' were the people who contributed to/the people of this and other PUBLIC TELEVISION STATIONS and the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING./The people who gave the money to make ''Mister Rogers Neighborhood'' were the people who contributed to/the people of this and other PUBLIC TELEVISION STATIONS and the SEARS ROEBUCK FOUNDATION./The people who gave the money to make ''Mister Rogers Neighborhood'' were the people who contributed to this and other PUBLIC TELEVISION STATIONS, the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING, and the SEARS ROEBUCK FOUNDATION.

===2001 Episodes and Reruns===

:'''Mister Rogers''': ''[voiceover]'' The people who gave the money to make ''Mister Rogers Neighborhood'' were the people who contributed to this and other PBS stations and the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING. We thank you. 

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062588/quotes Quotes] at IMDB

[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
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[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
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    <title>Shining Time Station</title>
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'''''[[w:Shining Time Station|Shining Time Station]]''''' (1989–93) was an American PBS spinoff of the ''[[Thomas and Friends]]'' series, although it was co-created by [[w:Britt Allcroft|Britt Allcroft]]. The series returned with Family Specials in 1995 and later as ''[[w:Mr. Conductor's Thomas Tales|Mr. Conductor's Thomas Tales]]'' in 1996. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Season 1 (1989-1990)==

===''A Place Unlike Any Other'' [1.1]===

:''[Matt cleans by Mr. Conductor's switch house]''
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Here! You missed a spot. It's the window over here. You did the others, but don't miss this one.
:''[Matt dusts the house]
:'''Mr. Conductor''': That's a good lad. 
:''[he appears in front of the house, surprising Matt]'' 
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Can't do a job half way. What's worth doing is worth doing well, I say. And that goes double when you're doing my windows. Because they're double-paned. A pain in the neck, and a pane to clean. Do you know what I see when I look at that clean window?
:'''Matt:''' No.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' The inside of the switch house. What else would I see? Well done, lad. What's your name?
:'''Matt:''' Mat--Matthew--M-- Matt!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Or is it Matthew-Matt-Matthew? And you may call me Mr. Conductor. Well, you're a good worker. You know who'd like you? My friend Thomas.
:'''Matt:''' Thomas lives in there with you?
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Dear me, no! Thomas is a steam engine, and he lives on the Island of Sodor. You are interested in trains, aren't you?
:'''Matt:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Splendid. Then I'll tell you a story about my friend Thomas. You do like stories, don't you?
:'''Matt:''' Oh, yes.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Very well. But first, I have to find my whistle.
:''[he looks in his pockets for his whistle and finds it]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Ah! Here we go!
:''[he blows his whistle and the first story begins]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harry:''' There's just something about this place.

===''Does It Bite?'' [1.2]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[views the new schedule]'' Impossible! Ridiculous! And foolishness! This new train schedule is tommyrot, balderdash, and cuckoo. There isn't a train on Earth that can go from Point Pokey to Cloggyville in 11 seconds. It's 14 miles, and look here-- From Doodletown to Turley in 18 hours. Well, it's impossible. Why, I can walk from Doodletown to Turley in 15 minutes, and I'm only 18 inches tall! I'll just have to write the correct times in here.
:''[as he is about to, Stacy enters and notices]''
:'''Stacy''': What are you doing? Stop that! Those are the new train schedules from the railroad company. I am the only one who can change those schedules.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, it may be new, but it's ''not'' a train schedule.
:'''Stacy''': Give me that pencil!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Never! You can't get from Buttertown to Chubby Corners in four seconds! ''[disappears]''

===''Promises Promises'' [1.15]===
:'''Harry''': ''[inspects his sketch]'' And this becomes a local for Doodlehaven.
:''[Mr. Conductor, as a judge, appears before him, banging his gavel]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': This meeting is called to order!
:'''Harry''': I wish you'd warn me when you're going to do that.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Sorry, Harry. I'll try to remember.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. King''': Please, remove all of this equipment at once! Good day. ''[leaves]''
:'''Schemer''': Boy, oh, boy. Who does he think he is?
:'''Harry''': He is J.B. King, Schemer! Superintendent of the whole railroad!
:'''Schemer''': Yikes. Open foot, insert in mouth.

===''Too Many Cooks'' [1.17]===

:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': The name is Osgood Bob Flopdinger. I'm the mayor of East Shemp. And I'm looking for a man called Schemer. I never saw him before, but I know his voice. Have you seen him?
:''[Stacy notices Schemer directly behind the mayor and turns the mayor around to distract him while Schemer goes into hiding elsewhere]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Mayor Flopdinger! We spoke on the phone earlier.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Earlier than who?! ''[calmly]'' Never mind. The point is this. Have you tried that sandwich spread of his?
:'''Stacy''': Yes, I have tried it.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Well, then I don't have to tell you that this stuff is inedible by man nor beast. My shaving cream tastes better than this.
:'''Stacy''': I'll tell Schemer you stopped by.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Thank you very much. And tell Mr. Schemer that if he doesn't have a new, improved version of his sandwich spread in time for lunch, he's in big trouble! And not only with me, but also with every one of the Friends of the Flowering Cactus Ladies' Auxiliary. And that's not funny. Believe me, I speak from experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Matt:''' Mr. Conductor, how can Schemer make such a big mistake and still be like he always is? He's not sorry or anything.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Well, he may not have learned anything. But you have learned about helping people. And Gordon has learned the same thing. Lucky thing for Thomas that he did too. But let me begin at the beginning.

===''Things That Go Ga-Hooga! in the Night'' [1.19]===

:'''Schemer''': It's the real man with his head on backwards! It's the real man with his head on backwards! (screams and jumps over the desk)
:'''Stacy''': Was that Schemer?
:'''Harry''': I do believe it was.
:'''Stacy''': Were his clothes on backwards?
:'''Harry''': I do believe they were.

===''Is This the End?'' [1.20]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Now, I think it ''is'' getting time for me to leave.
:'''Matt''': Not yet. Please, not yet.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Now, let me tell you both something. ''[removes his hat and dries his forehead with his handkerchief]'' No matter what happens, we will always be friends.
:'''Tanya''': Promise?
:'''Matt''': Promise?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': It's a promise! Good-bye, now. Good-bye. ''[leaves]''
:'''Tanya''': Wait! You forgot your hat.
:'''Matt''': It's too late. Now he's gone forever.

==='''Tis a Gift''===
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[hears a horn honk outside]'' Oh! There's Midge Smoot! Don't tell her a secret. She's sure to leak it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Stacy''': ''[on the phone]'' Hello? Shining Time Station. Stacy Jones speaking. Oh, hi, Claire. Oh, you want to bring Vickie here this afternoon?
:''[Matt and Tanya quietly make signals of objection]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh, sure, no problem. Okay. Glad to be of some help. I'll see you in a little bit. ''[hangs up; to the children]'' What is your problem?!
:'''Matt''': Vickie! She's horrible!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, she's not horrible.
:'''Tanya''': Yes, she is. She's mean and nasty and selfish and rude.
:'''Stacy''': Okay, okay, okay. Now, come on. Nobody can be that bad.
:'''Matt and Tanya''': Vickie can!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, now come on, you guys. She must have some good qualities. Think about it.
:'''Tanya''': Well,... No.
:'''Stacy''': Come on, you two.
:'''Matt''': Well, both her eyes are the same color.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Matt.
:'''Tanya''': She never threw up on me.
:'''Stacy''': Tanya!
:'''Tanya''': Well, she does have a pretty good singing voice.
:'''Stacy''': Great! Then you can sing carols together.
:'''Tanya''': No. She never does anything you tell her to.
:'''Matt''': Yeah, and she never smiles, even when you say something funny to her.
:'''Stacy''': All right. Listen, you guys. I told her mother that she can come here and play, so I want you to be nice to her, okay?
:'''Matt''': Will Santa know we've been nice?
:'''Stacy''': Oh, yeah. Santa will know, and so will Vickie. I hope.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. King''': Miss Jones!
:'''Stacy''': Yes, sir!
:'''Mr. King''': There's a train leaving the station. It's... It's impossible!
:'''Stacy''': No, it's not, Mr. King. Nothing's impossible, unless you stop believing in it.

==Season 2 (1991)==
===''Scare Dares'' [2.1]===

:'''Matt''': Dear Cousin Dan, I can't wait for you to get here. Shining Time Station is busier than ever.
:'''Tanya''': Dear Cousin Kara, guess what? Our grandfather Harry was transferred to Fort Farley, so Shining Time Station has a new engineer. His name is Billy Twofeathers.
:'''Matt''': But Schemer is still Schemer, and you know what that means. And Aunt Stacy's fine, and she's really happy running the station. A man named Mr. Nicholas came to visit us at Christmas time. Mr. Nicholas needed help at his workshop, so when he went back to his home at the North Pole, Mr. Conductor went along with him.
:'''Tanya''': But then, Mr. Conductor's cousin arrived. There's always a Mr. Conductor living here, or else it wouldn't be Shining Time Station. See you on Halloween. Love, Tanya.
:'''Matt''': When you get here. Your cousin, Matt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Tanya Lasanya and Matt the Hatt!
:''[Dan and Kara notice him]''
:'''Kara''': Look, it's Mr. Conductor!
:''[Mr. Conductor disappears]''
:'''Kara''': Wait, where'd he go?!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': No. You're imagining me. I'm not really here.
:'''Kara''': Wait, don't be afraid of us. Harry's my grandfather and Tanya's my cousin. They told me all about Thomas and the other trains.
:'''Dan''': Hey, I'm Dan Jones. Stacy's my aunt, and she told me all about your stories and your magic.
:''[Mr. Conductor reappears]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You mean you like stories, trains, and magic? Well, you've come to the right place! Let me properly introduce myself. Mr. Conductor, at your service.

===''Oh, What a Tangled Web'' [2.2]===

:'''Mr. King''': What, may I ask, is the meaning of this?
:'''Schemer''': ''[sleepily]'' Do be a love and scratch my foot, won't you? ''[notices Mr. King]'' Ah, hello, J.B. ''[suddenly reacts and is now wide awake]'' Mr. J.B. King, Esq., exalted head. The meaning of this! Yes. Uh, ah, yes. The meaning of this is that it is a managerial retreat. Yes. It's especially restful for important business-type people like yourself and I.
:'''Mr. King''': Put a sock in it, Schemer!!

===''The Magic is Believing'' [2.3]===

:'''Becky''': Neat! How does a doll like that run? On batteries?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': STOP IT! I don't come with batteries!
:'''Becky''': Yikes! It's a ''real'' little man!
:'''Dan''': We've been telling you, it's Mr. Conductor!
:'''Kara''': Now do you believe in magic?
:'''Becky''': I do. I do. I do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Schemer''': ''[in the opening act of the show]'' The Scheme Master right here would like to tell you a little comic riddle. ''[laughs]'' It's a killer. Okay. All right, listen, here it is. ''[laughs again]'' I love this. What is green,... ''[quietly]'' Green. ''[continues]'' ...has six legs,... ''[under his breath]'' Six legs. ''[finishes]'' ...and if it drops out of a tree on your head, it'll squish you like a bug? ''[laughs]'' Okay. Nobody can guess? I'll hafta tell ya, then.
:'''Becky''': ''[raises her hand]'' I know! A pool table.
:'''Stacy''': Oh! Very good!
:''[everyone else applauds]''
:'''Becky''': Thank you.
:'''Schemer''': Well, thank you very much, Miss Smartypants-Know-It-All.
:''[Dan raises his hand]''
:'''Schemer''': Yeah, what?
:'''Dan''': Doesn't she win anything?
:'''Schemer''': No! This isn't a game show! I'm not givin' away money! I'm tryin' to do some jokes here! Come on, people! Sit up straight, pay attention, and let's start to laugh at Schemer! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! I'm workin' hard up here!

===''Win, Lose, or Draw'' [2.4]===
:'''Stacy''': Hiya, Barton! How was the race?
:'''Winslow''': It was totally ... You should've seen me. I was out at the starting gate like greased lightning, way ahead of the pack. Well, there was one cat just ahead of me. I poured on the speed. And there we were, rounding the last bend neck and neck, and then wailing down toward the finish line! I gunned it! He gunned it! Engines roared! ''[imitates engines roaring]'' What a cat! He took me! ''[calmly]'' I lost.

===''Sweet and Sour'' [2.5]===

:'''Rex''': The first job Tex and me had was inside a radio in a bank. Always had to play &quot;Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?&quot;.
:'''Didi''': Well, what's why the best place to work is a train station. 'Cause you get to play songs like...
:'''Tex''': ''Erie Canal''.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Midge and a group of women form a picket in front of Schemer and Schemee's stand]''
:'''Midge''': All right, ladies. Just keep going around in a circle.
:'''Schemer''': Ah! My dear Midge Smoot.
:'''Midge''': Don't you dare &quot;Midge Smoot&quot; me! Why, you're lucky my dog is better. After eating two of your cookies, he was sick all afternoon.

===''A Dog's Life'' [2.7]===

:'''Kara''': ''[after Mr. Conductor's story]'' Mr. Conductor, did you tell us that just so we'd feel better about cleaning?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I was comparing your cleaning to the mess on Ginny's farm.
:Sometimes a little trouble causes great harm.
:Speaking of harm and making things cleaner,
:I'd better take a powder, because here comes Schemer. ''[disappears]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Schemer''': How's my little pooch, huh?
:''[the dog barks at him]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[intimidated]'' Sheesh! Now, is that any way for him to treat his master?!
:'''Billy''': Respect works both ways.
:'''Schemer''': All right. I'll show him some respect. ''[holds out a nickel]'' Here's a nickel!
:''[the dog barks at him again]''
:'''Schemer''': Now, why did he do that?!
:'''Billy''': I don't know. Maybe because you tied him up and you didn't take him for a walk. You didn't feed him. You didn't clean up after him.
:'''Schemer''': Anything else?
:'''Billy''': You didn't play with him!

===''Field Day'' [2.8]===

:'''Stacy''': ''[looks at the new uniforms]'' Oh, boy, look at that.
:'''Billy''': TST. I like the sound of that.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah. ''[looks at the back]'' &quot;The Schemer Team&quot;?
:'''Matt''': Well, Schemer did pay for the uniforms. ''[Mr. Conductor appears on his baseball bat]''
:'''Tanya''': Maybe they'll look better when they're on.
:''[Matt moves his bat, causing Mr. Conductor to fall on a mitt]''
:'''Kara''': Mr. Conductor, are you okay?
:'''Matt''': Sorry, Mr. Conductor. I didn't see you there.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[gets back on his feet]'' Oh, that's all right, Matt. Yes, Kara. I'm as right as rain. I landed as a soft pop fly, you might say.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Weren't you supposed to be out playing baseball?
:'''Kara''': The game's not for a while yet.
:'''Dan''': And anyway, we're gonna lose.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, you certainly will with that attitude. Imagine if Thomas had felt like that in the story of a famous race against Bertie.
:'''Kara''': Did Thomas win?
:'''Becky''': Tell us, Mr. Conductor.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I will.

===''Wrong Track'' [2.9]===
:'''Dan''': Schemer, you stole all our money!
:'''Schemer''': What are you talkin' about? What money?
:'''Kara''': The one for Stacy's party, and you ate all our fudge.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, I did not steal any money, and I did not eat any...
:''[Becky shows him the empty fudge box]''
:'''Schemer''': Frankly, I had a couple pieces. But eating the food gave me a good idea. See? Fruit cakes, made by my mommy, five cents apiece. ''[laughs]''
:'''Billy''': Schemer, did you make Becky spend all her money?
:'''Schemer''': No, I didn't.
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': Did not!
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': Did not!
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': DID NOT!
:'''Becky''': Actually, he didn't.
:'''Schemer''': See? I didn't. ''[to Becky]'' I didn't?
:'''Becky''': I guess I could've said no. But I just got carried away.
:'''Schemer''': She could've said no, but she got carried away.
:'''Billy''': Did you know the fudge was for Stacy's party?
:'''Schemer''': ''[exasperatedly]'' Stacy's party. Stacy's party! Who cares about Stacy's party? Some stupid party I wasn't invited to, anyway.
:'''Billy''': Oh, you do care, and you ''are'' invited.
:'''Schemer''': I am?
:'''Dan, Kara, and Becky''': He is?
:'''Billy''': Of course he is! ''[takes Schemer's fruit cake stand]'' But it wouldn't be much of a party without fruit cakes.

===''Crackpot'' [2.11]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': I don't think it matters on what we'll collect. All of it was not straw.
:'''Kara and Becky''': Straw?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Haven't I told about the time Percy ended up with a big straw collection and didn't want it? No? Well, then I'll tell you now. ''[blows whistle]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kara''': ''[after Mr. Conductor's story]'' I'm glad the forest has grown back.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Forests do that. Leaves do, too. But friendships-- They can't grow back once they're broken. That's why we always have to take care of them.
:'''Kara''': Tea sets don't grow at all.
:'''Stacy''': ''[approaches with her newly-repaired teapot]'' But thank goodness for glue!
:'''Kara''': ''[notices the pot's cracks]'' But it's still cracked. I'm sorry. Next time you tell me not to touch something, I won't do it.
:'''Stacy''': Apology accepted. But you know, besides, I like these cracks. It gives it character, and it makes me think of all of you.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Stacy, are you calling me a crackpot?!

===''Stop the Press'' [2.14]===
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Scoop! Where is this Scoop?! I'm lookin' for this nincompoop Scoop!
:'''Scoop''': Mr. Mayor, here I am, Your Honor.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': ''[holds out his newspaper]'' Are you the author of this journalistic gobbledygook?
:'''Scoop''': The story on your campaign speech. Yes, sir. I wrote that.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': ''[hands Scoop the paper]'' Well, go ahead and read it. Read it right now, right there.
:'''Scoop''': ''[reads the article]'' &quot;His Honor said that he was here tonight to talk garbage.&quot; Well?
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Well, I said I was there to talk ''about'' garbage! Trash collections. Clean streets. Recycling.
:'''Scoop''': Oh. Sorry.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Sorry? Well, what are you gonna do about it?
:'''Scoop''': We'll print a retraction in tomorrow's paper. No problem.

===''Double Trouble'' [2.16]===

:''[the two Mr. Conductors confront each other]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': He's not me!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, I am!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I'm much taller!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': No, you're not!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You're fatter, though.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': No, I'm not! We're the same!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': We're not the same at all!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, we are!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': No, we're not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, we are!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I can prove it! That cutout fits my outline perfectly. It won't fit yours.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Will too!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Will not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Will too!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Be my guest!
:''[the Evil Mr. Conductor runs over to the cut out space where he used to be a picture and lies down in it]''
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': You'll see that I'm you, then you'll know that it's true.
:''[Mr. Conductor throws his magic dust on the Evil Mr. Conductor]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': GOTCHA!
:''[the Evil Mr. Conductor turns back into a picture]''

===''Is Anybody There?'' [2.17]===

:''[Schemer sees the mayor approaching him and remembers something]''
:'''Schemer''': Hello, everyone, we got a special birthday announcement for the mayor; it's the mayor's birthday today...
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': No, it's not my birthday. It's my wife's birthday!
:'''Schemer''': I'm sorry, it's his wife's birthday! Her name is Tuna Melt, and she's crispy on the outside, and she's soft on the inside. That's her name, and... ''[hands the mayor his microphone]''
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Her name is Twylene! Hello, Twylene, dear. It's me, Twylene, yes, your husband!

==Season 3 (1993)==
===''Becky Makes a Wish'' [3.1]===

:'''Billy''': You know, Becky, Midge has a great heart, but sometimes I wish she'd zip her lip.
:''[unbeknownst to him, the wishing star passes him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Billy''': ''[having seen all the disaster the star has caused]'' This is just one of those days I wish I'd stayed in bed.
:''[the star passes him; in an instant, he is in bed]''

===''Schemer's Alone'' [3.2]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, I'm here to work. What's our first step?
:'''Billy''': Uh, your first step, Mr. Conductor, is to watch your step. That shelf hasn't been... ''[the shelf comes off, and Mr. Conductor slides down]'' ...nailed in.
:'''Stacy''': Mr. Conductor, are you all right?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': All right?! I appear for work and fall off a shelf? I've had better jobs, I'll tell ya.

===''Bully for Mr. Conductor'' [3.3]===

:'''Buster''': We'll see how tough you are after I tell my dumb uncle what happened. Then I can draw on the walls all I want.
:''[he stops and looks at Mr. King, who glares at him]''
:'''Buster''': Oh, hello, Uncle J.B. I was just telling them about how well you run the railroad.
:'''Mr. King''': You're already in enough trouble, Buster. Don't make it worse by lying to me.
:'''Buster''': Oh, but whatever do you mean, Uncle J.B.? We were just having fun.
:'''Mr. King''': Buster, we'll talk about it later. ''[points to the exit]'' Wait for me outside.
:'''Buster''': ''[upset]'' I never get to have any fun. ''[points at Dan]'' It's all his fault!
:'''Mr. King''': Outside!
:''[Buster exits the station]''

===''Stacy Cleans Up'' [3.4]===

:'''Typo''': I smell a story here.
:''[he takes a sniff, then groans in disgust and covers his nose]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[offers a clothespin]'' Oh, Mr. Typo! Here.
:''[Typo places the pin on his nose and exhales sharply]''
:'''Typo''': Oh, that's much better.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah, the garbage train outside has no place to go.
:'''Typo''': &quot;Garbage Dump Opens at Shining Time Station&quot;!
:'''Stacy''': No, no, no, Mr. Typo! We've got to figure something out.

===''Billy Saves the Day'' [3.6]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Everyone has something special to offer, but you never know it unless you give them a chance to show you.

===''Billy's Party'' [3.7]===

:'''Stacy''': Ginny, please, just try to calm down and tell us what happened.
:'''Ginny''': Well, you know my dog.
:'''Stacy''': Yes. The one you renamed Mr. Filthy?
:'''Ginny''': Well, this time, he's really gone and done it. I took the turkey outta the oven, and he's lookin' at it like a pointer. And I thought: &quot;That's kinda cute&quot;, when all of a sudden, he lunged, attacked, ran out the back door with it and tore it to shreds! ''[frets]'' And now, I don't have a turkey.
:'''Kara''': Mr. Filthy is a bad dog.
:'''Ginny''': From now on, his new name is Mr. Get-Outta-There. What am I gonna do? My nephew and his wife are comin' for dinner.
:'''Stacy''': You know something? There's a place in Dillylick that has pre-cooked turkeys, and I'm sure they're open for at least another half an hour.
:'''Ginny''': I can't make it to Dillylick.
:'''Billy''': You could if I took you there.
:'''Ginny''': You'd do that for me?!
:'''Billy''': Sure.
:'''Ginny''': ''[sets to leave]'' Oh, come on. Let's go. Time's a-wastin'!

===''Schemer Goes Camping'' [3.10]===

:'''Becky''': Stacy, we're not going camping in the rain, are we?
:'''Stacy''': No. I think we're gonna have to camp out in the station tonight.
:'''Schemer''': ''[laughs]'' Camp out in the station. Talk about survival!
:'''Stacy''': Well, what are you gonna do? You haven't packed any sleeping bags or blankets.
:'''Kara''': No food, no lanterns.
:'''Becky''': No raincoats, no flashlights.
:'''Schemer''': ''[through his bullhorn]'' Who cares? Real men know how to survive in the w--
:''[Stacy stuffs something in Schemer's bullhorn; Schemer lowers it]''
:'''Schemer''': Real men know how to survive in the woods using their basic instincts. For example, if we get hungry, we'll just eat bugs and bees and bark like the bears do. And if it starts raining, why we'll just build a log cabin. In short, Miss Jones, we'll be living off the land like that great American frontiersman: Pat Boone.﻿
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Ginny exposes a cowering Schemer to Stacy and the children]''
:'''Schemer''': Okay, I admit it! I admit it! I don't know anything about camping! But please! Please! Please keep that mountain lion away from me! 
:'''Ginny''': Mountain lion? There are no mountain lions in this neck of the woods.
:'''Schemer''': Yes, there are! It's a mountain lion! It had a big furry tail, and little eyes, and little tiny legs, and... ''[imitates chomping]'' Chompin' on nuts.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Schemer. That does not sound like a mountain lion. To me, it sounds like a squirrel.
:'''Schemer''': A squirrel? ''[calms down]'' Well, it sure looked like a mountain lion.
:'''Stacy''': Okay, Schemer. Why don't you come here and sit down with us? We'll get you dry, get you something to eat.
:'''Schemer''': Oh, no, no. I don't want anymore food. I'm too full. I think I ate too many sandwiches.
:'''Kara''': Hey, Schemer, how'd you get out of the creek?
:'''Schemer''': Gettin' outta the creek was easy. Gettin' outta the swamp-- Now, that was hard! I pulled myself up by this branch, but then it got really scary and everything, 'cause it was dark, and I was... ''[sobs hysterically]'' I thought I was a goner, and then that was it. I thought I'd never see Schemer again. But then I heard this little whistle.
:'''Stacy''': A little whistle?
:''[she notices Mr. Conductor holding up his whistle before he disappears]''
:'''Schemer''': Yeah. It was like this little whistle, and I didn't know where the heck the sound came from. So I start following the sound of this little whistle, I'm going through the woods, and all of a sudden, here I am at Shining Time Station. But I was kind of afraid to come in, because I kinda thought that the kids wouldn't wanna see the old Schemer again.
:'''Stacy''': Well, Schemer, it sounds like you learned your lesson the hard way.
:'''Schemer''': Yeah. Never go campin' without my mommy. I'm a failure.

===''Mr. Conductor's Evil Twin'' [3.11]===
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' I won't go back! Not this time! A broken promise is not a crime.
:'''Kara:''' Well, then, I'll tell on you.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Tell. Go ahead. They'll just get angry and sent you to bed.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Stick him quick! He'll get away!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Wait! I'm me! He's not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Stick him with that gluey pot!
:'''Kara:''' Which one of you's Mr. Conductor?!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' ME!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' ME!
:'''Kara:''' Your whistle!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' My whistle?!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' My whistle!
:''[the evil Mr. Conductor blows his whistle, which sounds like it used to be for the real one's whistle, and the real Mr. Conductor blows his whistle, which is still at its low toot from earlier; Kara pours the glue on the evil Mr. Conductor]''
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' NO!!!!
:''[he turns back into a picture]''
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' YES! Thank you, Kara. If you hadn't recognized my whistle, we'd have never gotten out of this mess!

===''Bad Luck Day at Shining Time Station'' [3.12]===
:'''Schemer''': ''[after finding out Schemee took his technique too far]'' Come on. He's just a child, and he's my nephew. I don't think it's appropriate that you punish him.
:'''Midge''': Why not?
:'''Schemer''': Because ''I'm'' going to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Schemee's bad luck scam has been exposed]''
:'''Midge''': I am so disappointed!
:'''Stacy''': Because it wasn't bad spirits? Only Schemee?
:'''Midge''': Exactly. I was having such a good time with all the bad spirits.
:'''Boonswaddle''': But, Midge, there ''were'' spirits! I heard them!
:'''Midge''': Oh, just save it, Doris--! Come on! --For the clap trap of next Friday's meeting of the ladies' auxiliary.
:'''Boonswaddle''': ''[notices the wet floor]'' Very wet here.
:''[she and Midge leave the station]''

===''Stacy Forgets Her Name'' [3.14]===

:'''Stacy''': Tell me, do I know you?
:'''Dan''': Of course you know me. I'm your nephew, Dan.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, hi. Nice to meet you, Dan.
:''[they shake hands as Mr. Conductor appears]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Hi, Dan. Hello, Stacy. ''[Stacy looks at him]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[shrieks]'' A little man! ''[hides behind the information desk]''
:'''Dan''': Aunt Stacy, come back! It's only Mr. Conductor!
:''[Mr. Conductor disappears, then reappears on the information desk; Stacy reacts]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You don't have to be afraid of me. My name is Mr. Conductor, and I've known you since you were Dan's age. I knew your parents when they were Dan's age. I live here in the signal house on that mural.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Schemer, disguised as his attorney, approaches Stacy just after she has recovered from her amnesia]''
:'''Schemer''': Ah! Ah, Ma'am. Uh, Ma'am, uh, there you are. My client, Mr. Schemer, is hoping that you could re-sign this.
:'''Stacy''': Yes, uh,... Your client? Ma'am? Since when do you call me ma'am?!
:'''Schemer''': Uh, it's just a little joke, Jonesy,-- Miss Ma'am,-- Miss Jones.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah, and it's also important to remember who your friends aren't! Who would take advantage of someone for their own, low, mean-spirited personal gains?!
:''[she removes Schemer's disguise]''
:'''Schemer''': Ouch.
:''[wincing, he sets off]''
:'''Schemer''': Uh, I take it that means you are declining my client's offer?
:''[Stacy ignores him; Schemer shrugs and leaves]''

===''Mr. Conductor's Movie'' [3.16]===

:'''Stacy''': Ladies and gentlemen, cast and friends, Shining Time Station is proud to present... Oh. Mr. Conductor, what's your title?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Producer/director.
:'''Stacy:''' No, no, no, no. I mean, the title of the movie.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh. ''A Little Light Madness''.
:'''Stacy''': ...Proud to present, ''A Little Light Madness'', starring... starring everyone.

===''The Joke's on Schemer'' [3.17]===

:'''Didi''': Can you believe Schemer? He thinks today's April Fools Day, just 'cause the kids changed the date on the calendar.
:'''Tito''': And because he's out to trick everyone, he thinks everyone's out to trick him.
:'''Rex''': Maybe one of us oughta tell Schemer he's makin' a mistake, Tex.
:'''Tex''': Go right ahead, Rex.
:'''Jukebox band''': ''[in unison]'' Not! ''[laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kara''': ''[after the prank pulled on Schemer has backfired]'' Stacy, we're really sorry.
:'''Dan''': We let things go too far.
:'''Becky''': Will Schemer really lose the arcade?
:'''Stacy''': I don't think so. I think if we talk to Mr. King and explain what happened, everything will be all right, just as long as it doesn't happen again.
:''[Mr. Conductor appears]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Mr. Conductor. What do you think? Should we help Schemer?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I think so. This wasn't entirely his fault. But we better help him soon so he has time to get ready like me.
:'''Dan''': Ready for what?
:'''Stacy''': For tomorrow, which is ''really'' April Fools Day. And Schemer's gonna hafta go through this all over again!
:''[all five laugh]''

===''Dan's Big Race'' [3.20]===
:''[just as Schemer and Schemee celebrate the latter's victory in the race, something falls out of Schemee's pocket and clinks to the floor]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[stops]'' What was that?
:'''Stacy''': I was wondering the same thing.
:'''Winslow''': It's a lug wrench!
:'''Stacy''': ''[picks up the wrench]'' It certainly is. And I bet that this lug wrench will fit Dan's bike.
:'''Schemee''': Uh-oh. ''[to his uncle]'' You said to do anything to win.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, when I said &quot;anything&quot;, I did not mean &quot;''any''thing&quot;.
:'''Winslow''': And that means you're disqualified, Schemee. And I get my nickels back.
:''[Schemer hands Winslow back his nickels]''
:'''Schemee''': That's not fair!
:'''Stacy''': Fair? Schemee, not only did you break Dan's bike, but you could've caused Dan to have a serious accident. Now, is that fair?
:'''Schemee''': No.
:'''Stacy''': Well, I think you owe someone an apology.
:'''Schemee''': But I won the race.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, hey, hey! &quot;Won the race&quot;? I lost a pile of nickels, and more importantly than that, I lost the pride of the Schemer name.
:'''Schemee''': ''[frowns]'' I'm really sorry now.
:'''Schemer''': You're gonna be a lot more sorry when I get you home, take away your bike, and straighten out this curl! ''[drags his nephew out of the station]'' Now, c'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

===''Mr. Conductor Gets Left Out'' [3.21]===

:'''Stacy''': ''[upon seeing the children fixated on the television sets]'' Holy couch potato! That's it! No more TV.
:''[she unplugs the sets, shutting off the televisions; the children snap out of their trances]''

==Specials==
===''Once Upon a Time'' [Special 1]===
:''[Mr. Conductor writes in his diary]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Dear diary, there's only one way to begin this story. Once upon a time, because it was Founder's Day, the day we celebrate the history of Shining Time Station, I was up bright and early, trying to get things ready. I shampooed the pigeons, cleaned out the wishing well, and I just begun another job.

===''Second Chances'' [Special 2]===
:''[everybody has discovered that the baseball scoreboard had been desecrated from the spray paint]''
:'''Felix''': Vandalism! Can you imagine that? Right in our own backyard!
:'''Ginny''': You know, I can't understand why anyone would deface public property.
:'''Stacy''': What happened?
:'''Ginny''': Somebody spray-painted all over the baseball scoreboard.
:'''Stacy''': Are you sure?
:'''Felix''': This is a new low for our valley.
:'''Ginny''': Who would do such an awful thing?
:'''Kit''': ''[walks in]'' Hey, Stacy. Have you seen Billy?
:'''Stacy''': Oh, uh... Yes, Kit. He's waiting for you at the ball park.
:'''Kit''': Thank you. ''[leaves the lobby]''

===''One of the Family'' [Special 3]===

:'''Kara''': ''[hands Mr. Conductor an envelope]'' This came in the mail for you today. It has no address on it, but I guess it's for you.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[opens the envelope]'' Let's see. Who could be writing to me?
:''[he extracts a letter from the envelope and reads it]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh, no. No! This can't be happening! No way!
:'''Kara''': What's the matter?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': My sister's coming for a visit.
:'''Kara''': ''You'' have a sister?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, I know we had the same parents, and we grew up in the same house. But somewhere along the way, my little sister was raised by laughing hyenas.
:'''Kara''': Little sister? How little is she?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh, she's grown up now, but you never know it.
:'''Kara''': What do you mean?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, you see how neat and polite I am? She's messy and rude. She got away with everything when we were kids.
:'''Kara''': Like what?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': One night at dinner, she took off her shoes and socks and put her feet in the mashed potatoes! UGH! Another time, she took my drawings and made paper airplanes out of them!
:'''Kara''': Well, she was younger then. She wouldn't do that now.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh? What about the time she threw my favorite mittens in the toilet?!
:'''Kara''': Maybe she was just trying to have some fun.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': She had fun, all right. She laughed about it for weeks.
:'''Kara''': Still, it's nice when relatives come to visit, remember?

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stacy''': Harry, I'd like you to meet Billy, Billy Twofeathers. He took your old job-- Engineer, first-class.
:'''Harry''': ''[shakes hands with his successor]'' Hello, Billy.
:'''Billy''': Oh, I've heard a lot about you, Harry. You left some mighty big shoes to fill around this place.
:'''Harry''': Thank you, Billy!
:'''Stacy''': So tell me, what you been up to?
:'''Harry''': Well, let's see. It's hard to know where to begin. For one thing,...
:'''Billy''': ''[in response to the ringing phone]'' I'll get it.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, thank you, Billy.
:''[Billy heads for the workshop]''
:'''Harry''': I'm planning on rebuilding an entire steam engine. An old favorite of mine.
:'''Billy''': It's for you, Stacy!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, excuse me, Harry.
:''[she heads for the workshop as Billy approaches Harry]''
:'''Harry''': I was just telling Stacy my plans to build an entire steam engine...
:'''Mr. King''': ''[barges into the station]'' Mr. Twofeathers! There's a boiler problem with engine 4. I need you to look at it right away.
:'''Billy''': No problem. Thanks, Harry. ''[leaves]''
:'''Harry''': Yeah, yeah, yes, Billy. Yes.
:'''Mr. King''': ''[surprised]'' Harry, is that you?!
:'''Harry''': Yes!
:'''Mr. King''': ''[shakes hands with Harry]'' Welcome back, old timer!
:'''Harry''': Hello!
:'''Mr. King''': What have you been doing with yourself?
:'''Harry''': Well, I was just telling Billy about my plans to build...
:'''Mr. King''': ''[looks at his watch]'' I'm afraid that'll have to wait, old friend. I have a dozen things to do. What time do you have?
:'''Harry''': I wouldn't know.
:'''Mr. King''': But what happened to that gold watch that we gave you when you retired?
:'''Harry''': Well, it stopped working.
:'''Mr. King''': I see. Well, we'll get that fixed for you! ''[leaves]'' Nice talking to you, Harry.
:'''Harry''': Yes. Yes.
:'''Schemer''': ''[enters and passes Harry]'' Hey, Harry. How ya doin'? Ah, just great. I'll talk to you later.
:'''Harry''': Schemer? Schemer? Maybe things ''have'' changed around here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Conductor finds his sister with the Jukebox Band]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I have been looking everywhere for you!
:'''Sister C''': Hey, there, big brother! Look at all these tiny people I found. They talk too much, but I've got them under control.
:'''Tito''': ''[laughs]'' Your sister's quite a card. A joker!
:'''Rex''': She was just tellin' us about when you was younger.
:'''Tex''': And you ran outside.
:'''Rex''': And your pants fell down!
:''[the band breaks into laughter]''
:'''Sister C''': Well, that's pretty much the bare facts.
:'''Rex''': The naked truth.
:'''Tex''': Yeah, the long and the shorts of it.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': How could you?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Schemer''': Nobody but nobody stands a chance against us. We shall be victorious in our victory.
:'''Schemee''': What'd you put in here? A couple of huskies?
:'''Schemer''': Better than that.
:'''Schemee''': You didn't stick in little Tommy Havermeyer, the fastest kid in the valley, did ya?
:'''Schemer''': No! I didn't think of that. ''[quietly]'' There's a lawn mower engine in here! ''[laughs]''
:'''Schemee''': ''[inspects the seat]'' Doesn't look like there's much room for a driver.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ginny and Midge notice Schemer on his cart going haywire]''
:'''Midge''': My goodness, Ginny! What in the world is Schemer doing?
:'''Ginny''': Looks like he's mowin' the lawn.
:'''Midge''': Oh, isn't that nice?

===''Queen for a Day'' [Special 4]===

:''[Biff and Bull approach the Queen's car]''
:'''Bull''': Now what?
:'''Biff''': Now what?! She's in there! The old lady with the jewels, remember? And we are gonna steal 'em.
:'''Bull''': I know that! But how?
:'''Biff''': We simply uncouple that car, and the rest of the train speeds away, which leaves us here alone with the jewels.
:'''Bull''': Oh. Okay, let's do it.
:'''Biff''': By all means, please! Proceed!
:'''Bull''': I don't know why I'm always the one that has to do all the real work around here!
:''[he reaches for the coupling and detaches it; the rest of the train takes off with the thieves in tow, leaving the Queen's car behind]''
:'''Biff''': Great! Now, we jump for it!
:'''Bull''': What?
:'''Biff''': Hurry! Move! Jump!
:'''Bull''': Jump?! Whattaya mean jump?!
:'''Biff''': The car with the jewels! It's gettin' away!
:'''Bull''': Oh, no.
:'''Biff''': Too late! ''[smacks his partner]'' Now look what you've done!
:'''Bull''': What ''I'' done?! It was your idea!
:'''Biff''': Hey! At least I got an idea, peabrain! ''[stares at the abandoned car]'' Look at it! It's gettin' away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kit''': Hey, Mickey, I'm going to the clubhouse. Are you coming or not?
:'''Mickey''': The clubhouse? Oh, yes. Quite. I mean, sure thing. ''[to Kara and Becky]'' Excuse me, ladies.
:''[as he leaves, Kara and Becky are left astonished]''
:'''Kara''': &quot;Excuse me, ladies&quot;?! He's so... polite.
:'''Becky''': Should we ask him to be in our play? He'd be a perfect prince.
:'''Kara''': I don't know. I wonder what a real prince would be like? ''[Mr. Conductor appears]'' Hi, Mr. Conductor.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Hello, Kara. Hi, Becky.
:'''Becky''': Mr. Conductor, have you met a real prince?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Not exactly, at least not yet. But Thomas has lots of experience with crowned heads. He's even met the Queen.
:'''Kara and Becky''': ''[in unison]'' No!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Yes! ''[blows his whistle]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[notices Biff and Bull on a handcar]'' Well, it seems we've been dealt a pair of knaves to go with our queen.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Biff and Bull find Schemer about to part with the handbag full of jewelry]''
:'''Schemer''': Goodbye, jewels.
:'''Biff''': Nice suitcase, pal.
:''[Schemer, in surprise, snaps the bag shut on his hand]''
:'''Biff''': I said I like your suitcase!
:'''Schemer''': Oh, thank you very much. It is nice, isn't it?
:'''Bull''': Just hand it over, mac.
:'''Biff''': What it is, see,-- We're detectives. Private eyes. And we're on the trail of some hot rocks!
:'''Schemer''': Hot rocks?
:'''Biff''': Stolen jewelry, diamonds, pearls-- Stuff like that. We're after a lady with an English accent. She stole 'em, see? She's what we call the perp. You seen her around?
:'''Schemer''': No, I have not! I don't know any English perps! Can't help you there. No can do.
:'''Bull''': Just give it here.
:''[he and Biff reach for the bag]''
:'''Schemer''': Stacy! Stacy! ''[smacks the thieves]'' Get away from me, you!
:'''Stacy''': ''[enters with a baseball bat]'' Schemer, are you all right?!
:''[Biff and Bull stop and look up at her]''
:'''Stacy''': Can I help you, gentlemen?
:'''Biff''': G'day, ma'am. We're detectives.
:'''Bull''': Yeah, private eyes.
:'''Biff''': And I was wondering,...
:'''Bull''': You see, your friend there has somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.
:'''Stacy''': Schemer?
:'''Schemer''': ''[points at the thieves]'' Bad men! Bad men!
:'''Stacy''': Do you have something to prove that you're real detectives? A badge, some identification, something like that?
:''[the thieves ponder]''
:'''Bull''': Identification...
:'''Biff''': A badge, huh? What it is, see,-- We don't hafta tell you who we are, because we are undercover.
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Well, this is my station. And unless you can prove that you're real detectives,...
:'''Bull''': No, no, no, no, no, no. Like he said, see, we're under-the-covers.
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Well, I suggest that you leave.
:''[Biff and Bull laugh]''
:'''Bull''': Who's gonna make us leave, huh? What, you?
:'''Stacy''': ''[holds up her bat]'' That's right! ''[inches toward Biff and Bull]'' Now, this happens to be my station. I am the station manager. And I'm not gonna ask you one more time... to leave this station!
:'''Biff''': ''[intimidated]'' We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!
:''[he and Bull retreat]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[mockingly]'' &quot;We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!&quot; Run! Run! Run, you little chickens! Run! ''[laughs]'' You and me, Jonesy.
:'''Stacy''': Schemer, what was that all about? What's an English perp?
:'''Schemer''': No, no, no, no, no, no. A Schemer burp. ''[burps; gasps]'' Excuse me, Miss Jones! ''[apologetically]'' Excuse me, Miss Jones. Excuse me.
:''[he sets off]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[exasperatedly]'' Oh, Schemer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Biff and Bull build a smoke bomb]''
:'''Biff''': Old sneakers.
:''[Bull hands him an old pair of sneakers; Biff adds them to the mixture]''
:'''Biff''': Old socks.
:''[Bull hands him an old pair of socks to add to the mixture]''
:'''Biff''': Rotten broccoli!
:''[he holds out his hand, but Bull stays still]''
:'''Biff''': I said rotten broccoli. Hey! ''[hands his partner a clothespin]'' I told you to wear one of these, ya dope!
:''[Bull puts the clothespin on his nose]''
:'''Bull''': Sheesh.
:'''Biff''': Now, rotten broccoli.
:'''Bull''': ''[hands him an old head of broccoli]'' It's so gross!
:'''Biff''': Well, of course it's gross! It's supposed to be gross. ''[adds the broccoli to the mixture]'' When this stink bomb goes off that that talent show, those jewels are gonna be ours!
:''[both men laugh maniacally and continue preparing the smoke bomb]''

==Cast==
===Series regulars===
* [[w:Didi Conn|Didi Conn]] - Stacy Jones
* [[w:Brian O'Connor (actor)|Brian O'Connor]] - Horace Schemer
* [[Ringo Starr]] - Mr. Conductor (season 1)
* [[w:Leonard Jackson (actor)|Leonard Jackson]] - Henry &quot;Harry&quot; Cupper (season 1)
* [[w:Jason Woliner|Jason Woliner]] - Matthew &quot;Matt&quot; Jones (seasons 1-2)
* [[w:Nicole Leach|Nicole Leach]] - Tanya Cupper (seasons 1-2)
* [[George Carlin]] - Mr. Conductor (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Kara Cupper (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Ari Magder|Ari Magder]] - Daniel &quot;Dan&quot; Jones (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Danielle Marcot|Danielle Marcot]] - Becky (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Tom Jackson (actor)|Tom Jackson]] - Billy Twofeathers (seasons 2-3; specials)
* Jerome Dempsey - Mayor Osgood Bob Flopdinger
* Mart Hulswit - Mr. J.B. King, Esq.
* [[w:Bobo Lewis|Bobo Lewis]] - Midge Smoot
* Jonathan Shapiro - Schemee (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Gerard Parkes|Gerard Parkes]] - Barton Winslow (seasons 2-3)
* [[w:Barbara Hamilton (actress)|Barbara Hamilton]] - Ginny Johnson (seasons 2-3; specials)
* Aurelio Padrón - Felix Perez (seasons 2-3; specials)

===The Jukebox Band===
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] - Tito Swing
* [[w:Olga Marin|Olga Marin]] - Didi
* [[w:Wayne White (artist)|Wayne White]] - Tex (1989)
* [[w:Alan Semok|Alan Semok]] - Tex (1990-1995)
* [[w:Craig Marin|Craig Marin]] - Rex
* [[w:Peter Baird|Peter Baird]]/[[w:Alan Semok|Alan Semok]]/[[w:Vaneese Thomas|Vaneese Thomas]] - Grace the Bass (1989)
* [[w:Peter Baird|Peter Baird]]/[[w:Kenny Miele|Kenny Miele]] - Grace the Bass (1990-1995)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0098910|title=Shining Time Station}}
*[http://www.tv.com/shining-time-station/tis-a-gift/episode/329288/summary.html?tag=ep_list;ep_title;20 TV.com - Shining Time Station: 'Tis A Gift]

[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Shining Time Station|Shining Time Station]]''''' (1989–93) was an American PBS spinoff of the ''[[Thomas and Friends]]'' series, although it was co-created by [[w:Britt Allcroft|Britt Allcroft]]. The series returned with Family Specials in 1995 and later as ''[[w:Mr. Conductor's Thomas Tales|Mr. Conductor's Thomas Tales]]'' in 1996. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Season 1 (1989-1990)==

===''A Place Unlike Any Other'' [1.1]===

:''[Matt cleans by Mr. Conductor's switch house]''
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Here! You missed a spot. It's the window over here. You did the others, but don't miss this one.
:''[Matt dusts the house]
:'''Mr. Conductor''': That's a good lad. 
:''[he appears in front of the house, surprising Matt]'' 
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Can't do a job half way. What's worth doing is worth doing well, I say. And that goes double when you're doing my windows. Because they're double-paned. A pain in the neck, and a pane to clean. Do you know what I see when I look at that clean window?
:'''Matt:''' No.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' The inside of the switch house. What else would I see? Well done, lad. What's your name?
:'''Matt:''' Mat--Matthew--M-- Matt!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Or is it Matthew-Matt-Matthew? And you may call me Mr. Conductor. Well, you're a good worker. You know who'd like you? My friend Thomas.
:'''Matt:''' Thomas lives in there with you?
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Dear me, no! Thomas is a steam engine, and he lives on the Island of Sodor. You are interested in trains, aren't you?
:'''Matt:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Splendid. Then I'll tell you a story about my friend Thomas. You do like stories, don't you?
:'''Matt:''' Oh, yes.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Very well. But first, I have to find my whistle.
:''[he looks in his pockets for his whistle and finds it]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Ah! Here we go!
:''[he blows his whistle and the first story begins]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harry:''' There's just something about this place.

===''Does It Bite?'' [1.2]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[views the new schedule]'' Impossible! Ridiculous! And foolishness! This new train schedule is tommyrot, balderdash, and cuckoo. There isn't a train on Earth that can go from Point Pokey to Cloggyville in 11 seconds. It's 14 miles, and look here-- From Doodletown to Turley in 18 hours. Well, it's impossible. Why, I can walk from Doodletown to Turley in 15 minutes, and I'm only 18 inches tall! I'll just have to write the correct times in here.
:''[as he is about to, Stacy enters and notices]''
:'''Stacy''': What are you doing? Stop that! Those are the new train schedules from the railroad company. I am the only one who can change those schedules.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, it may be new, but it's ''not'' a train schedule.
:'''Stacy''': Give me that pencil!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Never! You can't get from Buttertown to Chubby Corners in four seconds! ''[disappears]''

===''Promises Promises'' [1.15]===
:'''Harry''': ''[inspects his sketch]'' And this becomes a local for Doodlehaven.
:''[Mr. Conductor, as a judge, appears before him, banging his gavel]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': This meeting is called to order!
:'''Harry''': I wish you'd warn me when you're going to do that.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Sorry, Harry. I'll try to remember.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. King''': Please, remove all of this equipment at once! Good day. ''[leaves]''
:'''Schemer''': Boy, oh, boy. Who does he think he is?
:'''Harry''': He is J.B. King, Schemer! Superintendent of the whole railroad!
:'''Schemer''': Yikes. Open foot, insert in mouth.

===''Too Many Cooks'' [1.17]===

:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': The name is Osgood Bob Flopdinger. I'm the mayor of East Shemp. And I'm looking for a man called Schemer. I never saw him before, but I know his voice. Have you seen him?
:''[Stacy notices Schemer directly behind the mayor and turns the mayor around to distract him while Schemer goes into hiding elsewhere]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Mayor Flopdinger! We spoke on the phone earlier.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Earlier than who?! ''[calmly]'' Never mind. The point is this. Have you tried that sandwich spread of his?
:'''Stacy''': Yes, I have tried it.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Well, then I don't have to tell you that this stuff is inedible by man nor beast. My shaving cream tastes better than this.
:'''Stacy''': I'll tell Schemer you stopped by.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Thank you very much. And tell Mr. Schemer that if he doesn't have a new, improved version of his sandwich spread in time for lunch, he's in big trouble! And not only with me, but also with every one of the Friends of the Flowering Cactus Ladies' Auxiliary. And that's not funny. Believe me, I speak from experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Matt:''' Mr. Conductor, how can Schemer make such a big mistake and still be like he always is? He's not sorry or anything.
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Well, he may not have learned anything. But you have learned about helping people. And Gordon has learned the same thing. Lucky thing for Thomas that he did too. But let me begin at the beginning.

===''Things That Go Ga-Hooga! in the Night'' [1.19]===

:'''Schemer''': It's the real man with his head on backwards! It's the real man with his head on backwards! (screams and jumps over the desk)
:'''Stacy''': Was that Schemer?
:'''Harry''': I do believe it was.
:'''Stacy''': Were his clothes on backwards?
:'''Harry''': I do believe they were.

===''Is This the End?'' [1.20]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Now, I think it ''is'' getting time for me to leave.
:'''Matt''': Not yet. Please, not yet.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Now, let me tell you both something. ''[removes his hat and dries his forehead with his handkerchief]'' No matter what happens, we will always be friends.
:'''Tanya''': Promise?
:'''Matt''': Promise?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': It's a promise! Good-bye, now. Good-bye. ''[leaves]''
:'''Tanya''': Wait! You forgot your hat.
:'''Matt''': It's too late. Now he's gone forever.

==='''Tis a Gift''===
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[hears a horn honk outside]'' Oh! There's Midge Smoot! Don't tell her a secret. She's sure to leak it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Stacy''': ''[on the phone]'' Hello? Shining Time Station. Stacy Jones speaking. Oh, hi, Claire. Oh, you want to bring Vickie here this afternoon?
:''[Matt and Tanya quietly make signals of objection]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh, sure, no problem. Okay. Glad to be of some help. I'll see you in a little bit. ''[hangs up; to the children]'' What is your problem?!
:'''Matt''': Vickie! She's horrible!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, she's not horrible.
:'''Tanya''': Yes, she is. She's mean and nasty and selfish and rude.
:'''Stacy''': Okay, okay, okay. Now, come on. Nobody can be that bad.
:'''Matt and Tanya''': Vickie can!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, now come on, you guys. She must have some good qualities. Think about it.
:'''Tanya''': Well,... No.
:'''Stacy''': Come on, you two.
:'''Matt''': Well, both her eyes are the same color.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Matt.
:'''Tanya''': She never threw up on me.
:'''Stacy''': Tanya!
:'''Tanya''': Well, she does have a pretty good singing voice.
:'''Stacy''': Great! Then you can sing carols together.
:'''Tanya''': No. She never does anything you tell her to.
:'''Matt''': Yeah, and she never smiles, even when you say something funny to her.
:'''Stacy''': All right. Listen, you guys. I told her mother that she can come here and play, so I want you to be nice to her, okay?
:'''Matt''': Will Santa know we've been nice?
:'''Stacy''': Oh, yeah. Santa will know, and so will Vickie. I hope.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. King''': Miss Jones!
:'''Stacy''': Yes, sir!
:'''Mr. King''': There's a train leaving the station. It's... It's impossible!
:'''Stacy''': No, it's not, Mr. King. Nothing's impossible, unless you stop believing in it.

==Season 2 (1991)==
===''Scare Dares'' [2.1]===

:'''Matt''': Dear Cousin Dan, I can't wait for you to get here. Shining Time Station is busier than ever.
:'''Tanya''': Dear Cousin Kara, guess what? Our grandfather Harry was transferred to Fort Farley, so Shining Time Station has a new engineer. His name is Billy Twofeathers.
:'''Matt''': But Schemer is still Schemer, and you know what that means. And Aunt Stacy's fine, and she's really happy running the station. A man named Mr. Nicholas came to visit us at Christmas time. Mr. Nicholas needed help at his workshop, so when he went back to his home at the North Pole, Mr. Conductor went along with him.
:'''Tanya''': But then, Mr. Conductor's cousin arrived. There's always a Mr. Conductor living here, or else it wouldn't be Shining Time Station. See you on Halloween. Love, Tanya.
:'''Matt''': When you get here. Your cousin, Matt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Tanya Lasanya and Matt the Hatt!
:''[Dan and Kara notice him]''
:'''Kara''': Look, it's Mr. Conductor!
:''[Mr. Conductor disappears]''
:'''Kara''': Wait, where'd he go?!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': No. You're imagining me. I'm not really here.
:'''Kara''': Wait, don't be afraid of us. Harry's my grandfather and Tanya's my cousin. They told me all about Thomas and the other trains.
:'''Dan''': Hey, I'm Dan Jones. Stacy's my aunt, and she told me all about your stories and your magic.
:''[Mr. Conductor reappears]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You mean you like stories, trains, and magic? Well, you've come to the right place! Let me properly introduce myself. Mr. Conductor, at your service.

===''Oh, What a Tangled Web'' [2.2]===

:'''Mr. King''': What, may I ask, is the meaning of this?
:'''Schemer''': ''[sleepily]'' Do be a love and scratch my foot, won't you? ''[notices Mr. King]'' Ah, hello, J.B. ''[suddenly reacts and is now wide awake]'' Mr. J.B. King, Esq., exalted head. The meaning of this! Yes. Uh, ah, yes. The meaning of this is that it is a managerial retreat. Yes. It's especially restful for important business-type people like yourself and I.
:'''Mr. King''': Put a sock in it, Schemer!!

===''The Magic is Believing'' [2.3]===

:'''Becky''': Neat! How does a doll like that run? On batteries?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': STOP IT! I don't come with batteries!
:'''Becky''': Yikes! It's a ''real'' little man!
:'''Dan''': We've been telling you, it's Mr. Conductor!
:'''Kara''': Now do you believe in magic?
:'''Becky''': I do. I do. I do!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Schemer''': ''[in the opening act of the show]'' The Scheme Master right here would like to tell you a little comic riddle. ''[laughs]'' It's a killer. Okay. All right, listen, here it is. ''[laughs again]'' I love this. What is green,... ''[quietly]'' Green. ''[continues]'' ...has six legs,... ''[under his breath]'' Six legs. ''[finishes]'' ...and if it drops out of a tree on your head, it'll squish you like a bug? ''[laughs]'' Okay. Nobody can guess? I'll hafta tell ya, then.
:'''Becky''': ''[raises her hand]'' I know! A pool table.
:'''Stacy''': Oh! Very good!
:''[everyone else applauds]''
:'''Becky''': Thank you.
:'''Schemer''': Well, thank you very much, Miss Smartypants-Know-It-All.
:''[Dan raises his hand]''
:'''Schemer''': Yeah, what?
:'''Dan''': Doesn't she win anything?
:'''Schemer''': No! This isn't a game show! I'm not givin' away money! I'm tryin' to do some jokes here! Come on, people! Sit up straight, pay attention, and let's start to laugh at Schemer! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! I'm workin' hard up here!

===''Win, Lose, or Draw'' [2.4]===
:'''Stacy''': Hiya, Barton! How was the race?
:'''Winslow''': It was totally ... You should've seen me. I was out at the starting gate like greased lightning, way ahead of the pack. Well, there was one cat just ahead of me. I poured on the speed. And there we were, rounding the last bend neck and neck, and then wailing down toward the finish line! I gunned it! He gunned it! Engines roared! ''[imitates engines roaring]'' What a cat! He took me! ''[calmly]'' I lost.

===''Sweet and Sour'' [2.5]===

:'''Rex''': The first job Tex and me had was inside a radio in a bank. Always had to play &quot;Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?&quot;.
:'''Didi''': Well, what's why the best place to work is a train station. 'Cause you get to play songs like...
:'''Tex''': ''Erie Canal''.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Midge and a group of women form a picket in front of Schemer and Schemee's stand]''
:'''Midge''': All right, ladies. Just keep going around in a circle.
:'''Schemer''': Ah! My dear Midge Smoot.
:'''Midge''': Don't you dare &quot;Midge Smoot&quot; me! Why, you're lucky my dog is better. After eating two of your cookies, he was sick all afternoon.

===''A Dog's Life'' [2.7]===

:'''Kara''': ''[after Mr. Conductor's story]'' Mr. Conductor, did you tell us that just so we'd feel better about cleaning?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I was comparing your cleaning to the mess on Ginny's farm.
:Sometimes a little trouble causes great harm.
:Speaking of harm and making things cleaner,
:I'd better take a powder, because here comes Schemer. ''[disappears]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Schemer''': How's my little pooch, huh?
:''[the dog barks at him]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[intimidated]'' Sheesh! Now, is that any way for him to treat his master?!
:'''Billy''': Respect works both ways.
:'''Schemer''': All right. I'll show him some respect. ''[holds out a nickel]'' Here's a nickel!
:''[the dog barks at him again]''
:'''Schemer''': Now, why did he do that?!
:'''Billy''': I don't know. Maybe because you tied him up and you didn't take him for a walk. You didn't feed him. You didn't clean up after him.
:'''Schemer''': Anything else?
:'''Billy''': You didn't play with him!

===''Field Day'' [2.8]===

:'''Stacy''': ''[looks at the new uniforms]'' Oh, boy, look at that.
:'''Billy''': TST. I like the sound of that.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah. ''[looks at the back]'' &quot;The Schemer Team&quot;?
:'''Matt''': Well, Schemer did pay for the uniforms. ''[Mr. Conductor appears on his baseball bat]''
:'''Tanya''': Maybe they'll look better when they're on.
:''[Matt moves his bat, causing Mr. Conductor to fall on a mitt]''
:'''Kara''': Mr. Conductor, are you okay?
:'''Matt''': Sorry, Mr. Conductor. I didn't see you there.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[gets back on his feet]'' Oh, that's all right, Matt. Yes, Kara. I'm as right as rain. I landed as a soft pop fly, you might say.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Weren't you supposed to be out playing baseball?
:'''Kara''': The game's not for a while yet.
:'''Dan''': And anyway, we're gonna lose.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, you certainly will with that attitude. Imagine if Thomas had felt like that in the story of a famous race against Bertie.
:'''Kara''': Did Thomas win?
:'''Becky''': Tell us, Mr. Conductor.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I will.

===''Wrong Track'' [2.9]===
:'''Dan''': Schemer, you stole all our money!
:'''Schemer''': What are you talkin' about? What money?
:'''Kara''': The one for Stacy's party, and you ate all our fudge.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, I did not steal any money, and I did not eat any...
:''[Becky shows him the empty fudge box]''
:'''Schemer''': Frankly, I had a couple pieces. But eating the food gave me a good idea. See? Fruit cakes, made by my mommy, five cents apiece. ''[laughs]''
:'''Billy''': Schemer, did you make Becky spend all her money?
:'''Schemer''': No, I didn't.
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': Did not!
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': Did not!
:'''Dan and Kara''': Did too!
:'''Schemer''': DID NOT!
:'''Becky''': Actually, he didn't.
:'''Schemer''': See? I didn't. ''[to Becky]'' I didn't?
:'''Becky''': I guess I could've said no. But I just got carried away.
:'''Schemer''': She could've said no, but she got carried away.
:'''Billy''': Did you know the fudge was for Stacy's party?
:'''Schemer''': ''[exasperatedly]'' Stacy's party. Stacy's party! Who cares about Stacy's party? Some stupid party I wasn't invited to, anyway.
:'''Billy''': Oh, you do care, and you ''are'' invited.
:'''Schemer''': I am?
:'''Dan, Kara, and Becky''': He is?
:'''Billy''': Of course he is! ''[takes Schemer's fruit cake stand]'' But it wouldn't be much of a party without fruit cakes.

===''Crackpot'' [2.11]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': I don't think it matters on what we'll collect. All of it was not straw.
:'''Kara and Becky''': Straw?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Haven't I told about the time Percy ended up with a big straw collection and didn't want it? No? Well, then I'll tell you now. ''[blows whistle]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kara''': ''[after Mr. Conductor's story]'' I'm glad the forest has grown back.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Forests do that. Leaves do, too. But friendships-- They can't grow back once they're broken. That's why we always have to take care of them.
:'''Kara''': Tea sets don't grow at all.
:'''Stacy''': ''[approaches with her newly-repaired teapot]'' But thank goodness for glue!
:'''Kara''': ''[notices the pot's cracks]'' But it's still cracked. I'm sorry. Next time you tell me not to touch something, I won't do it.
:'''Stacy''': Apology accepted. But you know, besides, I like these cracks. It gives it character, and it makes me think of all of you.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Stacy, are you calling me a crackpot?!

===''Stop the Press'' [2.14]===
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Scoop! Where is this Scoop?! I'm lookin' for this nincompoop Scoop!
:'''Scoop''': Mr. Mayor, here I am, Your Honor.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': ''[holds out his newspaper]'' Are you the author of this journalistic gobbledygook?
:'''Scoop''': The story on your campaign speech. Yes, sir. I wrote that.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': ''[hands Scoop the paper]'' Well, go ahead and read it. Read it right now, right there.
:'''Scoop''': ''[reads the article]'' &quot;His Honor said that he was here tonight to talk garbage.&quot; Well?
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Well, I said I was there to talk ''about'' garbage! Trash collections. Clean streets. Recycling.
:'''Scoop''': Oh. Sorry.
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Sorry? Well, what are you gonna do about it?
:'''Scoop''': We'll print a retraction in tomorrow's paper. No problem.

===''Double Trouble'' [2.16]===

:''[the two Mr. Conductors confront each other]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': He's not me!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, I am!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I'm much taller!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': No, you're not!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You're fatter, though.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': No, I'm not! We're the same!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': We're not the same at all!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, we are!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': No, we're not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Yes, we are!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I can prove it! That cutout fits my outline perfectly. It won't fit yours.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Will too!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Will not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': Will too!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Be my guest!
:''[the Evil Mr. Conductor runs over to the cut out space where he used to be a picture and lies down in it]''
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor''': You'll see that I'm you, then you'll know that it's true.
:''[Mr. Conductor throws his magic dust on the Evil Mr. Conductor]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': GOTCHA!
:''[the Evil Mr. Conductor turns back into a picture]''

===''Is Anybody There?'' [2.17]===

:''[Schemer sees the mayor approaching him and remembers something]''
:'''Schemer''': Hello, everyone, we got a special birthday announcement for the mayor; it's the mayor's birthday today...
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': No, it's not my birthday. It's my wife's birthday!
:'''Schemer''': I'm sorry, it's his wife's birthday! Her name is Tuna Melt, and she's crispy on the outside, and she's soft on the inside. That's her name, and... ''[hands the mayor his microphone]''
:'''Mayor Flopdinger''': Her name is Twylene! Hello, Twylene, dear. It's me, Twylene, yes, your husband!

==Season 3 (1993)==
===''Becky Makes a Wish'' [3.1]===

:'''Billy''': You know, Becky, Midge has a great heart, but sometimes I wish she'd zip her lip.
:''[unbeknownst to him, the wishing star passes him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Billy''': ''[having seen all the disaster the star has caused]'' This is just one of those days I wish I'd stayed in bed.
:''[the star passes him; in an instant, he is in bed]''

===''Schemer's Alone'' [3.2]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, I'm here to work. What's our first step?
:'''Billy''': Uh, your first step, Mr. Conductor, is to watch your step. That shelf hasn't been... ''[the shelf comes off, and Mr. Conductor slides down]'' ...nailed in.
:'''Stacy''': Mr. Conductor, are you all right?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': All right?! I appear for work and fall off a shelf? I've had better jobs, I'll tell ya.

===''Bully for Mr. Conductor'' [3.3]===

:'''Buster''': We'll see how tough you are after I tell my dumb uncle what happened. Then I can draw on the walls all I want.
:''[he stops and looks at Mr. King, who glares at him]''
:'''Buster''': Oh, hello, Uncle J.B. I was just telling them about how well you run the railroad.
:'''Mr. King''': You're already in enough trouble, Buster. Don't make it worse by lying to me.
:'''Buster''': Oh, but whatever do you mean, Uncle J.B.? We were just having fun.
:'''Mr. King''': Buster, we'll talk about it later. ''[points to the exit]'' Wait for me outside.
:'''Buster''': ''[upset]'' I never get to have any fun. ''[points at Dan]'' It's all his fault!
:'''Mr. King''': Outside!
:''[Buster exits the station]''

===''Stacy Cleans Up'' [3.4]===

:'''Typo''': I smell a story here.
:''[he takes a sniff, then groans in disgust and covers his nose]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[offers a clothespin]'' Oh, Mr. Typo! Here.
:''[Typo places the pin on his nose and exhales sharply]''
:'''Typo''': Oh, that's much better.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah, the garbage train outside has no place to go.
:'''Typo''': &quot;Garbage Dump Opens at Shining Time Station&quot;!
:'''Stacy''': No, no, no, Mr. Typo! We've got to figure something out.

===''Billy Saves the Day'' [3.6]===

:'''Mr. Conductor''': Everyone has something special to offer, but you never know it unless you give them a chance to show you.

===''Billy's Party'' [3.7]===

:'''Stacy''': Ginny, please, just try to calm down and tell us what happened.
:'''Ginny''': Well, you know my dog.
:'''Stacy''': Yes. The one you renamed Mr. Filthy?
:'''Ginny''': Well, this time, he's really gone and done it. I took the turkey outta the oven, and he's lookin' at it like a pointer. And I thought: &quot;That's kinda cute&quot;, when all of a sudden, he lunged, attacked, ran out the back door with it and tore it to shreds! ''[frets]'' And now, I don't have a turkey.
:'''Kara''': Mr. Filthy is a bad dog.
:'''Ginny''': From now on, his new name is Mr. Get-Outta-There. What am I gonna do? My nephew and his wife are comin' for dinner.
:'''Stacy''': You know something? There's a place in Dillylick that has pre-cooked turkeys, and I'm sure they're open for at least another half an hour.
:'''Ginny''': I can't make it to Dillylick.
:'''Billy''': You could if I took you there.
:'''Ginny''': You'd do that for me?!
:'''Billy''': Sure.
:'''Ginny''': ''[sets to leave]'' Oh, come on. Let's go. Time's a-wastin'!

===''Schemer Goes Camping'' [3.10]===

:'''Becky''': Stacy, we're not going camping in the rain, are we?
:'''Stacy''': No. I think we're gonna have to camp out in the station tonight.
:'''Schemer''': ''[laughs]'' Camp out in the station. Talk about survival!
:'''Stacy''': Well, what are you gonna do? You haven't packed any sleeping bags or blankets.
:'''Kara''': No food, no lanterns.
:'''Becky''': No raincoats, no flashlights.
:'''Schemer''': ''[through his bullhorn]'' Who cares? Real men know how to survive in the w--
:''[Stacy stuffs something in Schemer's bullhorn; Schemer lowers it]''
:'''Schemer''': Real men know how to survive in the woods using their basic instincts. For example, if we get hungry, we'll just eat bugs and bees and bark like the bears do. And if it starts raining, why we'll just build a log cabin. In short, Miss Jones, we'll be living off the land like that great American frontiersman: Pat Boone.﻿
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Ginny exposes a cowering Schemer to Stacy and the children]''
:'''Schemer''': Okay, I admit it! I admit it! I don't know anything about camping! But please! Please! Please keep that mountain lion away from me! 
:'''Ginny''': Mountain lion? There are no mountain lions in this neck of the woods.
:'''Schemer''': Yes, there are! It's a mountain lion! It had a big furry tail, and little eyes, and little tiny legs, and... ''[imitates chomping]'' Chompin' on nuts.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Schemer. That does not sound like a mountain lion. To me, it sounds like a squirrel.
:'''Schemer''': A squirrel? ''[calms down]'' Well, it sure looked like a mountain lion.
:'''Stacy''': Okay, Schemer. Why don't you come here and sit down with us? We'll get you dry, get you something to eat.
:'''Schemer''': Oh, no, no. I don't want anymore food. I'm too full. I think I ate too many sandwiches.
:'''Kara''': Hey, Schemer, how'd you get out of the creek?
:'''Schemer''': Gettin' outta the creek was easy. Gettin' outta the swamp-- Now, that was hard! I pulled myself up by this branch, but then it got really scary and everything, 'cause it was dark, and I was... ''[sobs hysterically]'' I thought I was a goner, and then that was it. I thought I'd never see Schemer again. But then I heard this little whistle.
:'''Stacy''': A little whistle?
:''[she notices Mr. Conductor holding up his whistle before he disappears]''
:'''Schemer''': Yeah. It was like this little whistle, and I didn't know where the heck the sound came from. So I start following the sound of this little whistle, I'm going through the woods, and all of a sudden, here I am at Shining Time Station. But I was kind of afraid to come in, because I kinda thought that the kids wouldn't wanna see the old Schemer again.
:'''Stacy''': Well, Schemer, it sounds like you learned your lesson the hard way.
:'''Schemer''': Yeah. Never go campin' without my mommy. I'm a failure.

===''Mr. Conductor's Evil Twin'' [3.11]===
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' I won't go back! Not this time! A broken promise is not a crime.
:'''Kara:''' Well, then, I'll tell on you.
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Tell. Go ahead. They'll just get angry and sent you to bed.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Stick him quick! He'll get away!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' Wait! I'm me! He's not!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' Stick him with that gluey pot!
:'''Kara:''' Which one of you's Mr. Conductor?!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' ME!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' ME!
:'''Kara:''' Your whistle!
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' My whistle?!
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' My whistle!
:''[the evil Mr. Conductor blows his whistle, which sounds like it used to be for the real one's whistle, and the real Mr. Conductor blows his whistle, which is still at its low toot from earlier; Kara pours the glue on the evil Mr. Conductor]''
:'''Evil Mr. Conductor:''' NO!!!!
:''[he turns back into a picture]''
:'''Mr. Conductor:''' YES! Thank you, Kara. If you hadn't recognized my whistle, we'd have never gotten out of this mess!

===''Bad Luck Day at Shining Time Station'' [3.12]===
:'''Schemer''': ''[after finding out Schemee took his technique too far]'' Come on. He's just a child, and he's my nephew. I don't think it's appropriate that you punish him.
:'''Midge''': Why not?
:'''Schemer''': Because ''I'm'' going to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Schemee's bad luck scam has been exposed]''
:'''Midge''': I am so disappointed!
:'''Stacy''': Because it wasn't bad spirits? Only Schemee?
:'''Midge''': Exactly. I was having such a good time with all the bad spirits.
:'''Boonswaddle''': But, Midge, there ''were'' spirits! I heard them!
:'''Midge''': Oh, just save it, Doris--! Come on! --For the clap trap of next Friday's meeting of the ladies' auxiliary.
:'''Boonswaddle''': ''[notices the wet floor]'' Very wet here.
:''[she and Midge leave the station]''

===''Stacy Forgets Her Name'' [3.14]===

:'''Stacy''': Tell me, do I know you?
:'''Dan''': Of course you know me. I'm your nephew, Dan.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, hi. Nice to meet you, Dan.
:''[they shake hands as Mr. Conductor appears]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Hi, Dan. Hello, Stacy. ''[Stacy looks at him]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[shrieks]'' A little man! ''[hides behind the information desk]''
:'''Dan''': Aunt Stacy, come back! It's only Mr. Conductor!
:''[Mr. Conductor disappears, then reappears on the information desk; Stacy reacts]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': You don't have to be afraid of me. My name is Mr. Conductor, and I've known you since you were Dan's age. I knew your parents when they were Dan's age. I live here in the signal house on that mural.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Schemer, disguised as his attorney, approaches Stacy just after she has recovered from her amnesia]''
:'''Schemer''': Ah! Ah, Ma'am. Uh, Ma'am, uh, there you are. My client, Mr. Schemer, is hoping that you could re-sign this.
:'''Stacy''': Yes, uh,... Your client? Ma'am? Since when do you call me ma'am?!
:'''Schemer''': Uh, it's just a little joke, Jonesy,-- Miss Ma'am,-- Miss Jones.
:'''Stacy''': Yeah, and it's also important to remember who your friends aren't! Who would take advantage of someone for their own, low, mean-spirited personal gains?!
:''[she removes Schemer's disguise]''
:'''Schemer''': Ouch.
:''[wincing, he sets off]''
:'''Schemer''': Uh, I take it that means you are declining my client's offer?
:''[Stacy ignores him; Schemer shrugs and leaves]''

===''Mr. Conductor's Movie'' [3.16]===

:'''Stacy''': Ladies and gentlemen, cast and friends, Shining Time Station is proud to present... Oh. Mr. Conductor, what's your title?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Producer/director.
:'''Stacy:''' No, no, no, no. I mean, the title of the movie.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh. ''A Little Light Madness''.
:'''Stacy''': ...Proud to present, ''A Little Light Madness'', starring... starring everyone.

===''The Joke's on Schemer'' [3.17]===

:'''Didi''': Can you believe Schemer? He thinks today's April Fools Day, just 'cause the kids changed the date on the calendar.
:'''Tito''': And because he's out to trick everyone, he thinks everyone's out to trick him.
:'''Rex''': Maybe one of us oughta tell Schemer he's makin' a mistake, Tex.
:'''Tex''': Go right ahead, Rex.
:'''Jukebox band''': ''[in unison]'' Not! ''[laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kara''': ''[after the prank pulled on Schemer has backfired]'' Stacy, we're really sorry.
:'''Dan''': We let things go too far.
:'''Becky''': Will Schemer really lose the arcade?
:'''Stacy''': I don't think so. I think if we talk to Mr. King and explain what happened, everything will be all right, just as long as it doesn't happen again.
:''[Mr. Conductor appears]''
:'''Stacy''': Oh, Mr. Conductor. What do you think? Should we help Schemer?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I think so. This wasn't entirely his fault. But we better help him soon so he has time to get ready like me.
:'''Dan''': Ready for what?
:'''Stacy''': For tomorrow, which is ''really'' April Fools Day. And Schemer's gonna hafta go through this all over again!
:''[all five laugh]''

===''Dan's Big Race'' [3.20]===
:''[just as Schemer and Schemee celebrate the latter's victory in the race, something falls out of Schemee's pocket and clinks to the floor]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[stops]'' What was that?
:'''Stacy''': I was wondering the same thing.
:'''Winslow''': It's a lug wrench!
:'''Stacy''': ''[picks up the wrench]'' It certainly is. And I bet that this lug wrench will fit Dan's bike.
:'''Schemee''': Uh-oh. ''[to his uncle]'' You said to do anything to win.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, when I said &quot;anything&quot;, I did not mean &quot;''any''thing&quot;.
:'''Winslow''': And that means you're disqualified, Schemee. And I get my nickels back.
:''[Schemer hands Winslow back his nickels]''
:'''Schemee''': That's not fair!
:'''Stacy''': Fair? Schemee, not only did you break Dan's bike, but you could've caused Dan to have a serious accident. Now, is that fair?
:'''Schemee''': No.
:'''Stacy''': Well, I think you owe someone an apology.
:'''Schemee''': But I won the race.
:'''Schemer''': Hey, hey, hey! &quot;Won the race&quot;? I lost a pile of nickels, and more importantly than that, I lost the pride of the Schemer name.
:'''Schemee''': ''[frowns]'' I'm really sorry now.
:'''Schemer''': You're gonna be a lot more sorry when I get you home, take away your bike, and straighten out this curl! ''[drags his nephew out of the station]'' Now, c'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

===''Mr. Conductor Gets Left Out'' [3.21]===

:'''Stacy''': ''[upon seeing the children fixated on the television sets]'' Holy couch potato! That's it! No more TV.
:''[she unplugs the sets, shutting off the televisions; the children snap out of their trances]''

==Specials==
===''Once Upon a Time'' [Special 1]===
:''[Mr. Conductor writes in his diary]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Dear diary, there's only one way to begin this story. Once upon a time, because it was Founder's Day, the day we celebrate the history of Shining Time Station, I was up bright and early, trying to get things ready. I shampooed the pigeons, cleaned out the wishing well, and I just begun another job.

===''Second Chances'' [Special 2]===
:''[everybody has discovered that the baseball scoreboard had been desecrated from the spray paint]''
:'''Felix''': Vandalism! Can you imagine that? Right in our own backyard!
:'''Ginny''': You know, I can't understand why anyone would deface public property.
:'''Stacy''': What happened?
:'''Ginny''': Somebody spray-painted all over the baseball scoreboard.
:'''Stacy''': Are you sure?
:'''Felix''': This is a new low for our valley.
:'''Ginny''': Who would do such an awful thing?
:'''Kit''': ''[walks in]'' Hey, Stacy. Have you seen Billy?
:'''Stacy''': Oh, uh... Yes, Kit. He's waiting for you at the ball park.
:'''Kit''': Thank you. ''[leaves the lobby]''

===''One of the Family'' [Special 3]===

:'''Kara''': ''[hands Mr. Conductor an envelope]'' This came in the mail for you today. It has no address on it, but I guess it's for you.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[opens the envelope]'' Let's see. Who could be writing to me?
:''[he extracts a letter from the envelope and reads it]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh, no. No! This can't be happening! No way!
:'''Kara''': What's the matter?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': My sister's coming for a visit.
:'''Kara''': ''You'' have a sister?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, I know we had the same parents, and we grew up in the same house. But somewhere along the way, my little sister was raised by laughing hyenas.
:'''Kara''': Little sister? How little is she?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh, she's grown up now, but you never know it.
:'''Kara''': What do you mean?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Well, you see how neat and polite I am? She's messy and rude. She got away with everything when we were kids.
:'''Kara''': Like what?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': One night at dinner, she took off her shoes and socks and put her feet in the mashed potatoes! UGH! Another time, she took my drawings and made paper airplanes out of them!
:'''Kara''': Well, she was younger then. She wouldn't do that now.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Oh? What about the time she threw my favorite mittens in the toilet?!
:'''Kara''': Maybe she was just trying to have some fun.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': She had fun, all right. She laughed about it for weeks.
:'''Kara''': Still, it's nice when relatives come to visit, remember?

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stacy''': Harry, I'd like you to meet Billy, Billy Twofeathers. He took your old job-- Engineer, first-class.
:'''Harry''': ''[shakes hands with his successor]'' Hello, Billy.
:'''Billy''': Oh, I've heard a lot about you, Harry. You left some mighty big shoes to fill around this place.
:'''Harry''': Thank you, Billy!
:'''Stacy''': So tell me, what you been up to?
:'''Harry''': Well, let's see. It's hard to know where to begin. For one thing,...
:'''Billy''': ''[in response to the ringing phone]'' I'll get it.
:'''Stacy''': Oh, thank you, Billy.
:''[Billy heads for the workshop]''
:'''Harry''': I'm planning on rebuilding an entire steam engine. An old favorite of mine.
:'''Billy''': It's for you, Stacy!
:'''Stacy''': Oh, excuse me, Harry.
:''[she heads for the workshop as Billy approaches Harry]''
:'''Harry''': I was just telling Stacy my plans to build an entire steam engine...
:'''Mr. King''': ''[barges into the station]'' Mr. Twofeathers! There's a boiler problem with engine 4. I need you to look at it right away.
:'''Billy''': No problem. Thanks, Harry. ''[leaves]''
:'''Harry''': Yeah, yeah, yes, Billy. Yes.
:'''Mr. King''': ''[surprised]'' Harry, is that you?!
:'''Harry''': Yes!
:'''Mr. King''': ''[shakes hands with Harry]'' Welcome back, old timer!
:'''Harry''': Hello!
:'''Mr. King''': What have you been doing with yourself?
:'''Harry''': Well, I was just telling Billy about my plans to build...
:'''Mr. King''': ''[looks at his watch]'' I'm afraid that'll have to wait, old friend. I have a dozen things to do. What time do you have?
:'''Harry''': I wouldn't know.
:'''Mr. King''': But what happened to that gold watch that we gave you when you retired?
:'''Harry''': Well, it stopped working.
:'''Mr. King''': I see. Well, we'll get that fixed for you! ''[leaves]'' Nice talking to you, Harry.
:'''Harry''': Yes. Yes.
:'''Schemer''': ''[enters and passes Harry]'' Hey, Harry. How ya doin'? Ah, just great. I'll talk to you later.
:'''Harry''': Schemer? Schemer? Maybe things ''have'' changed around here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. Conductor finds his sister with the Jukebox Band]''
:'''Mr. Conductor''': I have been looking everywhere for you!
:'''Sister C''': Hey, there, big brother! Look at all these tiny people I found. They talk too much, but I've got them under control.
:'''Tito''': ''[laughs]'' Your sister's quite a card. A joker!
:'''Rex''': She was just tellin' us about when you was younger.
:'''Tex''': And you ran outside.
:'''Rex''': And your pants fell down!
:''[the band breaks into laughter]''
:'''Sister C''': Well, that's pretty much the bare facts.
:'''Rex''': The naked truth.
:'''Tex''': Yeah, the long and the shorts of it.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': How could you?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Schemer''': Nobody but nobody stands a chance against us. We shall be victorious in our victory.
:'''Schemee''': What'd you put in here? A couple of huskies?
:'''Schemer''': Better than that.
:'''Schemee''': You didn't stick in little Tommy Havermeyer, the fastest kid in the valley, did ya?
:'''Schemer''': No! I didn't think of that. ''[quietly]'' There's a lawn mower engine in here! ''[laughs]''
:'''Schemee''': ''[inspects the seat]'' Doesn't look like there's much room for a driver.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ginny and Midge notice Schemer on his cart going haywire]''
:'''Midge''': My goodness, Ginny! What in the world is Schemer doing?
:'''Ginny''': Looks like he's mowin' the lawn.
:'''Midge''': Oh, isn't that nice?

===''Queen for a Day'' [Special 4]===

:''[Biff and Bull approach the Queen's car]''
:'''Bull''': Now what?
:'''Biff''': Now what?! She's in there! The old lady with the jewels, remember? And we are gonna steal 'em.
:'''Bull''': I know that! But how?
:'''Biff''': We simply uncouple that car, and the rest of the train speeds away, which leaves us here alone with the jewels.
:'''Bull''': Oh. Okay, let's do it.
:'''Biff''': By all means, please! Proceed!
:'''Bull''': I don't know why I'm always the one that has to do all the real work around here!
:''[he reaches for the coupling and detaches it; the rest of the train takes off with the thieves in tow, leaving the Queen's car behind]''
:'''Biff''': Great! Now, we jump for it!
:'''Bull''': What?
:'''Biff''': Hurry! Move! Jump!
:'''Bull''': Jump?! Whattaya mean jump?!
:'''Biff''': The car with the jewels! It's gettin' away!
:'''Bull''': Oh, no.
:'''Biff''': Too late! ''[smacks his partner]'' Now look what you've done!
:'''Bull''': What ''I'' done?! It was your idea!
:'''Biff''': Hey! At least I got an idea, peabrain! ''[stares at the abandoned car]'' Look at it! It's gettin' away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kit''': Hey, Mickey, I'm going to the clubhouse. Are you coming or not?
:'''Mickey''': The clubhouse? Oh, yes. Quite. I mean, sure thing. ''[to Kara and Becky]'' Excuse me, ladies.
:''[as he leaves, Kara and Becky are left astonished]''
:'''Kara''': &quot;Excuse me, ladies&quot;?! He's so... polite.
:'''Becky''': Should we ask him to be in our play? He'd be a perfect prince.
:'''Kara''': I don't know. I wonder what a real prince would be like? ''[Mr. Conductor appears]'' Hi, Mr. Conductor.
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Hello, Kara. Hi, Becky.
:'''Becky''': Mr. Conductor, have you met a real prince?
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Not exactly, at least not yet. But Thomas has lots of experience with crowned heads. He's even met the Queen.
:'''Kara and Becky''': ''[in unison]'' No!
:'''Mr. Conductor''': Yes! ''[blows his whistle]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Conductor''': ''[notices Biff and Bull on a handcar]'' Well, it seems we've been dealt a pair of knaves to go with our queen.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Biff and Bull find Schemer about to part with the handbag full of jewelry]''
:'''Schemer''': Goodbye, jewels.
:'''Biff''': Nice suitcase, pal.
:''[Schemer, in surprise, snaps the bag shut on his hand]''
:'''Biff''': I said I like your suitcase!
:'''Schemer''': Oh, thank you very much. It is nice, isn't it?
:'''Bull''': Just hand it over, mac.
:'''Biff''': What it is, see,-- We're detectives. Private eyes. And we're on the trail of some hot rocks!
:'''Schemer''': Hot rocks?
:'''Biff''': Stolen jewelry, diamonds, pearls-- Stuff like that. We're after a lady with an English accent. She stole 'em, see? She's what we call the perp. You seen her around?
:'''Schemer''': No, I have not! I don't know any English perps! Can't help you there. No can do.
:'''Bull''': Just give it here.
:''[he and Biff reach for the bag]''
:'''Schemer''': Stacy! Stacy! ''[smacks the thieves]'' Get away from me, you!
:'''Stacy''': ''[enters with a baseball bat]'' Schemer, are you all right?!
:''[Biff and Bull stop and look up at her]''
:'''Stacy''': Can I help you, gentlemen?
:'''Biff''': G'day, ma'am. We're detectives.
:'''Bull''': Yeah, private eyes.
:'''Biff''': And I was wondering,...
:'''Bull''': You see, your friend there has somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.
:'''Stacy''': Schemer?
:'''Schemer''': ''[points at the thieves]'' Bad men! Bad men!
:'''Stacy''': Do you have something to prove that you're real detectives? A badge, some identification, something like that?
:''[the thieves ponder]''
:'''Bull''': Identification...
:'''Biff''': A badge, huh? What it is, see,-- We don't hafta tell you who we are, because we are undercover.
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Well, this is my station. And unless you can prove that you're real detectives,...
:'''Bull''': No, no, no, no, no, no. Like he said, see, we're under-the-covers.
:'''Stacy''': Oh. Well, I suggest that you leave.
:''[Biff and Bull laugh]''
:'''Bull''': Who's gonna make us leave, huh? What, you?
:'''Stacy''': ''[holds up her bat]'' That's right! ''[inches toward Biff and Bull]'' Now, this happens to be my station. I am the station manager. And I'm not gonna ask you one more time... to leave this station!
:'''Biff''': ''[intimidated]'' We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!
:''[he and Bull retreat]''
:'''Schemer''': ''[mockingly]'' &quot;We'll be back, pal! We'll be back!&quot; Run! Run! Run, you little chickens! Run! ''[laughs]'' You and me, Jonesy.
:'''Stacy''': Schemer, what was that all about? What's an English perp?
:'''Schemer''': No, no, no, no, no, no. A Schemer burp. ''[burps; gasps]'' Excuse me, Miss Jones! ''[apologetically]'' Excuse me, Miss Jones. Excuse me.
:''[he sets off]''
:'''Stacy''': ''[exasperatedly]'' Oh, Schemer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;100%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Biff and Bull build a smoke bomb]''
:'''Biff''': Old sneakers.
:''[Bull hands him an old pair of sneakers; Biff adds them to the mixture]''
:'''Biff''': Old socks.
:''[Bull hands him an old pair of socks to add to the mixture]''
:'''Biff''': Rotten broccoli!
:''[he holds out his hand, but Bull stays still]''
:'''Biff''': I said rotten broccoli. Hey! ''[hands his partner a clothespin]'' I told you to wear one of these, ya dope!
:''[Bull puts the clothespin on his nose]''
:'''Bull''': Sheesh.
:'''Biff''': Now, rotten broccoli.
:'''Bull''': ''[hands him an old head of broccoli]'' It's so gross!
:'''Biff''': Well, of course it's gross! It's supposed to be gross. ''[adds the broccoli to the mixture]'' When this stink bomb goes off that that talent show, those jewels are gonna be ours!
:''[both men laugh maniacally and continue preparing the smoke bomb]''

==Cast==
===Series regulars===
* [[w:Didi Conn|Didi Conn]] - Stacy Jones
* [[w:Brian O'Connor (actor)|Brian O'Connor]] - Horace Schemer
* [[Ringo Starr]] - Mr. Conductor (season 1)
* [[w:Leonard Jackson (actor)|Leonard Jackson]] - Henry &quot;Harry&quot; Cupper (season 1)
* [[w:Jason Woliner|Jason Woliner]] - Matthew &quot;Matt&quot; Jones (seasons 1-2)
* [[w:Nicole Leach|Nicole Leach]] - Tanya Cupper (seasons 1-2)
* [[George Carlin]] - Mr. Conductor (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Kara Cupper (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Ari Magder|Ari Magder]] - Daniel &quot;Dan&quot; Jones (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Danielle Marcot|Danielle Marcot]] - Becky (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Tom Jackson (actor)|Tom Jackson]] - Billy Twofeathers (seasons 2-3; specials)
* Jerome Dempsey - Mayor Osgood Bob Flopdinger
* Mart Hulswit - Mr. J.B. King, Esq.
* [[w:Bobo Lewis|Bobo Lewis]] - Midge Smoot
* Jonathan Shapiro - Schemee (seasons 2-3; specials)
* [[w:Gerard Parkes|Gerard Parkes]] - Barton Winslow (seasons 2-3)
* [[w:Barbara Hamilton (actress)|Barbara Hamilton]] - Ginny Johnson (seasons 2-3; specials)
* Aurelio Padrón - Felix Perez (seasons 2-3; specials)

===The Jukebox Band===
* [[w:Jonathan Freeman (actor)|Jonathan Freeman]] - Tito Swing
* [[w:Olga Marin|Olga Marin]] - Didi
* [[w:Wayne White (artist)|Wayne White]] - Tex (1989)
* [[w:Alan Semok|Alan Semok]] - Tex (1990-1995)
* [[w:Craig Marin|Craig Marin]] - Rex
* [[w:Peter Baird|Peter Baird]]/[[w:Alan Semok|Alan Semok]]/[[w:Vaneese Thomas|Vaneese Thomas]] - Grace the Bass (1989)
* [[w:Peter Baird|Peter Baird]]/[[w:Kenny Miele|Kenny Miele]] - Grace the Bass (1990-1995)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0098910|title=Shining Time Station}}
*[http://www.tv.com/shining-time-station/tis-a-gift/episode/329288/summary.html?tag=ep_list;ep_title;20 TV.com - Shining Time Station: 'Tis A Gift]

[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]</text>
      <sha1>jp3rev8z5d3kh8vp14yasoqox1imkg8</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>June 12</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>27316</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951898</id>
      <parentid>3761920</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T00:00:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kalki</username>
        <id>71</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>update</comment>
      <origin>3951898</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20026" sha1="cb9z6os72wu6w6d5of94xfnnt3rd3p7" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;12&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:June 12|June 12]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

; 2004
: Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. ~ [[Robert Louis Stevenson]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2005
: I don't want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to people, even those I've never met. I want to go on living even after my death! And that's why I'm grateful to God for having given me this gift, which I can use to develop and to express all that's inside me! ~ [[Anne Frank]] (born 12 June 1929)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2006
: If one is but secure at the foundation, he will not be pained by departure from minor details or affairs that are contrary to expectation. But in the end, the details of a matter are important. The right and wrong of one's way of doing things are found in trivial matters. ~ [[Yamamoto Tsunetomo]] (born 12 June 1659)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2007
: I don't believe that the big men, the politicians and the capitalists alone are guilty of the war. Oh, no, the little man is just as keen, otherwise the people of the world would have risen in revolt long ago! There is an urge and rage in people to destroy, to kill, to murder, and until all mankind, without exception, undergoes a great change, wars will be waged, everything that has been built up, cultivated and grown, will be destroyed and disfigured, after which mankind will have to begin all over again. ~ [[Anne Frank]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2008
: We are adhering to life now with our last muscle — the heart. ~ [[Djuna Barnes]]
:* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: My knowledge of pain, learned with the sabre, taught me not to be afraid. And just as in dueling when you must concentrate on your enemy's cheek, so, too, in war. You cannot waste time on feinting and sidestepping. You must decide on your target and go in. ~ [[Otto Skorzeny]] (born 12 June 1908)
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 4 because eradicating fear is worthwhile, and the comparison between sabre dueling and timing is brilliant. I would have gave this a 4, but I am limiting that rating to my three favorite quotes of all time (September 22, October 4, and November 30) [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:52, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: Everyone's got the same insecurities as you &lt;br&gt; Believe me it is true &lt;br&gt; Do not be afraid &lt;br&gt; To show people the real you. ~ [[Justin Heazlewood]]
:* proposed by [[User: Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2011
: I am not a critic; to me criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. ~ [[Djuna Barnes]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 11:08, 3 June 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 12:33, 9 June 2010 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2012
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Destiny]] and [[history]] are [[Chaos|untidy]].
| author = Djuna Barnes
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:09, 11 June 2012 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 12:33, 9 June 2010 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Life]] is not to be told, call it as loud as you like, it will not tell itself.
| author = Djuna Barnes
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 11:15, 10 June 2013 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 12:33, 9 June 2010 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4. &lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2014
{{quote of the day
| quote = I do not [[mistrust]] the [[future]]; I do not [[fear]] what is ahead. For our [[problems]] are large, but our [[heart]] is larger. Our [[challenges]] are great, but our [[will]] is [[greater]]. And if our flaws are [[endless]], [[God]]'s [[love]] is [[truly]] [[boundless]].
| author = George H. W. Bush
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 2 and I don't really like this quote, but it's one of the few even worth mentioning from the slew of quotes on his page. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 11 June 2014 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
 --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = A [[true]] [[friend]] is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
| author = Len Wein
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I have often been [[Sorrow|downcast]], but never in [[despair]]; I regard our hiding as a [[dangerous]] [[adventure]], [[romantic]] and interesting at the same [[time]]. In my [[diary]] I treat all the privations as [[amusing]]. I have made up my [[mind]] [[now]] to lead a different [[life]] from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My [[start]] has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole [[reason]] why I have to [[laugh]] at the [[humorous]] side of the most dangerous [[moments]].
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 08:20, 7 June 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; We all [[know]] that a [[good]] [[example]] is more [[effective]] than [[advice]]. So set a good example, and it won't take long for others to follow.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- {{quote of the day
| quote = We all know that a good example is more effective than advice. So set a good example, and it won't take long for others to follow.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
::OR variant translation:
{{quote of the day
| quote = People will always follow a good example; be the one to set a good example, then it won't be long before the others follow.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:52, 11 June 2017 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; for the first option. --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; We're [[all]] [[alive]], but we don't [[know]] why or what for; we're all [[searching]] for [[happiness]]; we're all leading lives that are different and yet the same.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:13, 11 June 2018 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; There is surely [[nothing]] other than the single [[purpose]] of the [[present]] [[moment]]. A man's [[whole]] [[life]] is a succession of moment after moment. There will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being [[true]] to the single purpose of the moment.
| author = Yamamoto Tsunetomo
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Bystander53|bystander]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Bystander53|bystander]] ([[User talk:Bystander53|talk]]) 21:25, 11 June 2019 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:47, 11 June 2019 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Now, [[w:Pulse nightclub shooting|those who were killed and injured here]] were gunned down by a single killer with a powerful [[assault weapon]]. The [[motives]] of this killer may have been different than the mass shooters in [[2012 Aurora shooting|Aurora]] or [[Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|Newtown]]. But the [[AR-15 style rifle|instruments of death]] were so similar. And now another 49 innocent people are [[dead]]; another 53 are injured; some are still fighting for their lives; some will have wounds that will last a lifetime. We can’t anticipate or catch every single deranged person that may wish to do [[harm]] to his neighbors or his friends or his coworkers or strangers. But we can do something about the amount of damage that they do. Unfortunately, our [[politics]] have conspired to make it as easy as possible for a terrorist or just a disturbed individual like those in Aurora and Newtown to buy extraordinarily powerful weapons, and they can do so legally.
| author = Barack Obama
}}
:* proposed by [[User:JessRek6|JessRek6]]&lt;!-- Now, those who were killed and injured [[w:Pulse nightclub shooting|here]] were gunned down by a single killer with a powerful [[assault weapon]]. The motives of this killer may have been different than the mass shooters in [[2012 Aurora shooting|Aurora]] or [[Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|Newtown]]. But the [[AR-15 style rifle|instruments of death]] were so similar. And now another 49 innocent people are dead; another 53 are injured; some are still fighting for their lives; some will have wounds that will last a lifetime. We can’t anticipate or catch every single deranged person that may wish to do harm to his neighbors or his friends or his coworkers or strangers. But we can do something about the amount of damage that they do. Unfortunately, our politics have conspired to make it as easy as possible for a terrorist or just a disturbed individual like those in [[2012 Aurora shooting|Aurora]] and [[Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|Newtown]] to buy extraordinarily powerful weapons, and they can do so legally. ~ [[Barack Obama]] in [[w:Orlando, Florida|Orlando, Florida]] after the [[w:Pulse nightclub shooting|Orlando nightclub shooting]] of June 12, 2016
* 4 on 3 year anniversary of shooting [[User:JessRek6|JessRek6]] ([[User talk:JessRek6|talk]]) 19:01, 17 November 2018 (UTC)
* 2 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:17, 11 June 2020 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; The [[heart]] of a [[virtuous]] person has settled down and he does not rush about at things. A person of little merit is not at [[peace]] but walks about making [[trouble]] and is in [[conflict]] with [[all]].
| author = Yamamoto Tsunetomo
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:44, 11 June 2021 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Parents]] can only give good [[advice]] or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a [[person]]'s [[character]] lies in their own hands.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:57, 11 June 2022 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2023
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; I've [[learned]] one thing: you only really get to know a person after a [[fight]]. Only then can you [[judge]] their [[true]] [[character]]!
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:58, 11 June 2023 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2024
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Hold on yet awhile. More ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. 
| author = Charles Kingsley
}}
:* posted by [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]]&lt;!-- * Hold on yet awhile. More ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream. ~ [[Charles Kingsley]] (birthday)
** [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]] ([[User talk:Ficaia|talk]]) 05:42, 22 May 2024 (UTC) --&gt; 

; 2025
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[All]] of us have the privilege of making [[music]] that [[helps]] and [[heals]] — to make music that makes [[people]] [[happier]], [[stronger]] and [[kinder]]. Don't forget: music is [[God]]'s [[voice]].
| author = Brian Wilson
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:41, 11 June 2025 (UTC); in regard of his recent death. --&gt;

; 2026
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;I don't think about all the [[misery]], but about the [[beauty]] that still remains. This is where Mother and I [[differ]] greatly. Her [[advice]] in the face of [[melancholy]] is: &quot;Think about all the [[suffering]] in the [[world]] and be thankful you're not part of it.&quot; My advice is: &quot;Go outside, to the country, [[enjoy]] the [[sun]] and all [[nature]] has to offer. Go outside and try to recapture the [[happiness]] within yourself; think of all the [[beauty]] in yourself and in everything around you and be happy.&quot;
| author = Anne Frank
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2027 : ''[[June 12|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
{{QOTD Ranking}}
----
----
== Suggestions ==

Give me a dozen men who are not afraid to die, and I'll accomplish what all the Generals and Admirals with all their Armies and Battleships cannot. ~ [[Otto Skorzeny]] (born June 12)
* 3 because this redefines courage and seriously outlines the great secret missions that he undertook. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:52, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

----

Never be embarrassed by the things you cannot do. Be embarrassed by the things you can do and don't do well. ~ [[Len Wein]]
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

----

It is possible to tell things by a handshake. ~ [[George H. W. Bush]]
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 17:30, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:07, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:16, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

----

{{quote of the day
| quote = I trust to luck and do nothing but work, hoping that all will end well.
| author = Anne Frank
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC)

----
{{quote of the day
| quote = I've found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you. Look at these things, then you find yourself again, and God, and then you regain your balance. A person who's happy will make others happy; a person who has courage and faith will never die in misery!
| author = Anne Frank
}}
* 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 12:24, 6 June 2016 (UTC)

----

&lt;noinclude&gt;
&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
      <sha1>cb9z6os72wu6w6d5of94xfnnt3rd3p7</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>David Hockney</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>28170</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951959</id>
      <parentid>3543830</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T10:14:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Philip Cross</username>
        <id>7192</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>died yesterday: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c4gye2zk29zt</comment>
      <origin>3951959</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="12238" sha1="ay8fsy2xz4g10tu9qlt8q0le21t64dl" xml:space="preserve">[[File:David Hockney 2017 at Flash Expo.jpg|thumb|In the end nobody knows how it's done — how [[art]] is made. It can't be [[explained]]. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the [[magic]] of [[creation]]. Nothing can.]]
'''[[w:David Hockney|David Hockney]]''' ([[9 July]] [[1937]] – [[11 July]] [[2026]]) was an English painter, draftsman, printmaker, stage designer, and photographer. An important contributor to the British [[Pop Art]] of the 1960s.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Jean-Léon Gérôme 009.jpg|thumb|right|When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.]]
=== 1980s ===
[[File:Westminster Abbey - 51370500850.jpg|thumb|Future [[art]] that is based on [[appearances]] won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.]]
* '''When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.''' So [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] discovered ''that,'' as it were, and I'm sure that for him that was probably almost as exciting as discovering Cubism, rediscovering conventions of ordinary appearance, one-point perspective or something. The purists think you're going backwards, but I know you'd go forward. '''Future art that is based on appearances won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.''' The [[Renaissance]] is not the same as ancient Greece; the Gothic revival is not the same as Gothic. It might look like that at first, but you can tell it's not. '''The way we see things is constantly changing. At the moment the way we see things has been left a lot to the camera. That shouldn't necessarily be.'''
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-500-20291-5}} &lt;/small&gt; , p. 112

* Before he did all those lovely line drawings, [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]] would make really detailed charcoal drawings and tear them up. He wouldn't leave them about, he thought of them as working drawings. I understand what he was doing: discovering what's there. And then when you come to use line, if you know what you're looking at, it's much easier to make the line meaningful, to find a linear solution to what you want to depict.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 185

* What I always longed to do was to be able to paint like I can draw, most artists would tell you that, they would all like to paint like they can draw.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 207

* I've started painting much more freely, and faster. I think it's working in the theatre that did it. You know what the Glyndebourne scene-painters said about my ''The Magic Flute''? They said they had to wear sunglasses to paint it.
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-14-006389-7}} &lt;/small&gt; p. 97

* '''In one gallery they actually had a notice which said &quot;No Sketching.&quot; How obnoxious! I said, &quot;How do you think these things got on the walls if there was no sketching?&quot;'''
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983), p. 97

* Television is becoming a collage — there are so many channels that you move through them making a collage yourself. In that sense, everyone sees something a bit different.
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, November 1985, quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed...]]
* '''If we are to change our [[world view]], images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.'''
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, (September 1986) quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

=== 1990s ===
* We live in an age where the artist is forgotten. He is a researcher. I see myself that way.
** ''The Observer'' (London) (9 June 1991)

=== 2000s ===
* '''In the end nobody knows how it's done — how art is made. It can't be explained. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the magic of creation. Nothing can.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2001/09/22/bagay22.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot;Hockney and the secrets of the Old Masters&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (22 September 2001)

* I usually only draw myself in down periods. I do, actually. I suppose that's why I often draw myself looking grim. I just think, &quot;Let's have a look in the mirror.&quot; When you are alone and you look in a mirror you never put on a pleasing smile. Well, you don't, do you?
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2003/11/17/bahock17.xml Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (15 November 2001)

* He [Hockney's father] hardly ever left Bradford. '''He was a member of [[w:Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament|CND]] and a socialist with a rather romantic and naive idea of what Soviet Russia was like, all cornfields and ballet.''' He would have gone mad for email because he was always sending letters to world leaders — [[Dwight Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], [[Mao Zedong|Mao]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] — telling them what was what. '''I think he imagined the Politburo would hold up his letter and say, &quot;Hold everything, Kenneth Hockney has written again!&quot; '''
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

* It sometimes takes a foreigner to come and see a place and paint it. I remember someone saying they had never really noticed the palm trees here until I painted them.
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

* ''Interviewer:'' Love is certainly at the center of tolerance. They're intertwined, in a certain way. It helps you appreciate difference.&lt;br&gt;''Hockney:'' Yes. And that's probably why I do portraits. Everybody's different; they look different, and are different. Maybe deep, deep down we're all the same. But on the surface we seem to be different, don't we?
** [http://glreview.com/13.3-hockney.php Interview with Lester Strong&quot; 'Love is the only serious subject' &quot;] ''Gay &amp; Lesbian Review Worldwide,'' (May/June 2004)

* With chemical film, it was possible to alter photographs, but you had to be an expert. That's not true any more. The LA Times fired a photographer at the beginning of the Iraq War for editing two shots together. Photography is crumbling. Certainly it is for the newspapers a bit now, isn't it? There will be painting again, absolutely!
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/05/18/bahock18.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot; 'Photography is crumbling,' &quot;] ''The Telegraph,'' (18 May 2004)

[[File:Here comes rain again.jpg|thumb|right|I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle... I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.]]
* '''I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle. And then I paint it. Now, I admit, there are not too many people who would find that exciting. But I would. And I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.'''
** [http://www.forestonline.org/output/Page264.asp Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places&quot;] ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* I'm aware it's now a hostile city [New York City]. I feel I'm in school, actually. There are signs everywhere you don't get in any other city. When you see all the smokers outside a building in New York, I just think the building is full of bad-mannered people who haven't thought, &quot;We'll give them a little room to smoke in.&quot; That's what a reasonable person, a person with good manners, would do.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* There's no doubt you smoke to calm yourself. I know I do. That's my decision about how I keep calm. I prefer that to Prozac. In fact I think it's healthier. I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?]]
* '''How can [[Tony Blair|Blair]] fight a war on terror? Terror is not an ideology or an army; terror is a technique.'''
** [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1806962,00.html Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (London)

* '''Teaching people to draw is teaching people to look.'''
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)

* The choice is not between drugs and no drugs, but between illegal drugs and legal drugs. Until the 1920s drugs were legal, why not now? Lots of people are on drugs anyway — it is called medication.
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)
[[File:Bilbao - Guggenheim 95.jpg|thumb|Any [[artist]] will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing [[now]]. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.]]

* '''All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?'''
** [http://www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/articles/2006/02/26/david_hockney_keeps_seeking_new_avenues_of_exploration/ Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration&quot;] ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* How difficult it is to learn not to see like cameras, which has had such an effect on us. The camera sees everything at once. We don't. There's a hierarchy. Why do I pick out that thing, that thing, that thing?
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* '''Any artist will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing now. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.'''
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.davidhockney.com DavidHockney.com] tribute site
*[http://www.saltsmill.org.uk/galleries.htm Salts Mill] in [[w:Saltaire|Saltaire]], Yorkshire, England, contains a permanent exhibition of Hockney's work.
*[http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/walker/collections/20c/hockney.asp Peter getting out of Nick's pool (1966)]
*[https://archive.is/20130630005948/www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?011126fr_archive02 ''New Yorker'' review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'' (his suggestion that the Old Masters used optical devices to aid drawing)]
*[http://www.artrenewal.org/articles/2004/Hockney/yoder1.asp 'Why David Hockney Should Not Be Taken Seriously'. (A negative critique of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/chevalier.html ''Secret Knowledge'' (Review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/4288918.stm  Hockney leads smoking ban protest] [[w:BBC|BBC]] article.
*[http://www.picassomio.com/DavidHockney/ Hockney Bio and Art at PicassoMio Galleries] 
*[http://www.quoteszing.com/quotes/author/david-hockney/ David Hockney Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hockney, David}}
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Designers]]
[[Category:Photographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]</text>
      <sha1>ay8fsy2xz4g10tu9qlt8q0le21t64dl</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951960</id>
      <parentid>3951959</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T10:41:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Philip Cross</username>
        <id>7192</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>fixes; at this remove, Hockney's reference will not be obvious to most, even in the UK</comment>
      <origin>3951960</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="12501" sha1="qama4z4gxi2av7wz74yzrbo9guv5l5j" xml:space="preserve">[[File:David Hockney 2017 at Flash Expo.jpg|thumb|In the end nobody knows how it's done — how [[art]] is made. It can't be [[explained]]. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the [[magic]] of [[creation]]. Nothing can.]]
'''[[w:David Hockney|David Hockney]]''' ([[9 July]] [[1937]] – [[11 July]] [[2026]]) was an English painter, draftsman, printmaker, stage designer, and photographer. An important contributor to the British [[Pop Art]] of the 1960s.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Jean-Léon Gérôme 009.jpg|thumb|right|When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.]]
=== 1980s ===
[[File:Westminster Abbey - 51370500850.jpg|thumb|Future [[art]] that is based on [[appearances]] won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.]]
* '''When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.''' So [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] discovered ''that,'' as it were, and I'm sure that for him that was probably almost as exciting as discovering Cubism, rediscovering conventions of ordinary appearance, one-point perspective or something. The purists think you're going backwards, but I know you'd go forward. '''Future art that is based on appearances won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.''' The [[Renaissance]] is not the same as ancient Greece; the Gothic revival is not the same as Gothic. It might look like that at first, but you can tell it's not. '''The way we see things is constantly changing. At the moment the way we see things has been left a lot to the camera. That shouldn't necessarily be.'''
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-500-20291-5}} &lt;/small&gt; , p. 112

* Before he did all those lovely line drawings, [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]] would make really detailed charcoal drawings and tear them up. He wouldn't leave them about, he thought of them as working drawings. I understand what he was doing: discovering what's there. And then when you come to use line, if you know what you're looking at, it's much easier to make the line meaningful, to find a linear solution to what you want to depict.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 185

* What I always longed to do was to be able to paint like I can draw, most artists would tell you that, they would all like to paint like they can draw.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 207

* I've started painting much more freely, and faster. I think it's working in the theatre that did it. You know what the Glyndebourne scene-painters said about my ''The Magic Flute''? They said they had to wear sunglasses to paint it.
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-14-006389-7}} &lt;/small&gt; p. 97

* '''In one gallery they actually had a notice which said &quot;No Sketching.&quot; How obnoxious! I said, &quot;How do you think these things got on the walls if there was no sketching?&quot;'''
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983), p. 97

* Television is becoming a collage — there are so many channels that you move through them making a collage yourself. In that sense, everyone sees something a bit different.
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, November 1985, quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed...]]
* '''If we are to change our [[world view]], images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.'''
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, (September 1986) quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

=== 1991–2001 ===
* We live in an age where the artist is forgotten. He is a researcher. I see myself that way.
** ''The Observer'' (London, 9 June 1991)

* '''In the end nobody knows how it's done — how art is made. It can't be explained. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the magic of creation. Nothing can.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2001/09/22/bagay22.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot;Hockney and the secrets of the Old Masters&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (22 September 2001)

* I usually only draw myself in down periods. I do, actually. I suppose that's why I often draw myself looking grim. I just think, &quot;Let's have a look in the mirror.&quot; When you are alone and you look in a mirror you never put on a pleasing smile. Well, you don't, do you?
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2003/11/17/bahock17.xml Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (15 November 2001)

* He [Hockney's father] hardly ever left Bradford. '''He was a member of [[w:Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament|CND]] and a socialist with a rather romantic and naive idea of what Soviet Russia was like, all cornfields and ballet.''' He would have gone mad for email because he was always sending letters to world leaders — [[Dwight Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], [[Mao Zedong|Mao]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] — telling them what was what. '''I think he imagined the Politburo would hold up his letter and say, &quot;Hold everything, Kenneth Hockney has written again!&quot; '''
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)
** Hockney paraphrases the description of Soviet Russia (&quot;all them cornfields and ballet in the evenings&quot;) delivered by the communist Fred Kite ([[Peter Sellers]]) in the British film ''[[w:I'm All Right Jack|I'm All Right Jack]]'' (1959). 

* It sometimes takes a foreigner to come and see a place and paint it. I remember someone saying they had never really noticed the palm trees here until I painted them.
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

=== 2004–2006 ===
* ''Interviewer:'' Love is certainly at the center of tolerance. They're intertwined, in a certain way. It helps you appreciate difference.&lt;br&gt;''Hockney:'' Yes. And that's probably why I do portraits. Everybody's different; they look different, and are different. Maybe deep, deep down we're all the same. But on the surface we seem to be different, don't we?
** [http://glreview.com/13.3-hockney.php Interview with Lester Strong&quot; 'Love is the only serious subject' &quot;] ''Gay &amp; Lesbian Review Worldwide,'' (May/June 2004)

* With chemical film, it was possible to alter photographs, but you had to be an expert. That's not true any more. The ''LA Times'' fired a photographer at the beginning of the Iraq War for editing two shots together. Photography is crumbling. Certainly it is for the newspapers a bit now, isn't it? There will be painting again, absolutely!
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/05/18/bahock18.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot; 'Photography is crumbling,' &quot;] ''The Telegraph,'' (18 May 2004)

[[File:Here comes rain again.jpg|thumb|right|I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle... I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.]]
* '''I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle. And then I paint it. Now, I admit, there are not too many people who would find that exciting. But I would. And I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.'''
** [http://www.forestonline.org/output/Page264.asp Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places&quot;] ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* I'm aware it's now a hostile city [New York City]. I feel I'm in school, actually. There are signs everywhere you don't get in any other city. When you see all the smokers outside a building in New York, I just think the building is full of bad-mannered people who haven't thought, &quot;We'll give them a little room to smoke in.&quot; That's what a reasonable person, a person with good manners, would do.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* There's no doubt you smoke to calm yourself. I know I do. That's my decision about how I keep calm. I prefer that to Prozac. In fact I think it's healthier. I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?]]
* '''How can [[Tony Blair|[Tony] Blair]] fight a war on terror? Terror is not an ideology or an army; terror is a technique.'''
** [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1806962,00.html Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (London)

* '''Teaching people to draw is teaching people to look.'''
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)

* The choice is not between drugs and no drugs, but between illegal drugs and legal drugs. Until the 1920s drugs were legal, why not now? Lots of people are on drugs anyway — it is called medication.
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)
[[File:Bilbao - Guggenheim 95.jpg|thumb|Any [[artist]] will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing [[now]]. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.]]

* '''All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?'''
** [http://www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/articles/2006/02/26/david_hockney_keeps_seeking_new_avenues_of_exploration/ Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration&quot;] ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* How difficult it is to learn not to see like cameras, which has had such an effect on us. The camera sees everything at once. We don't. There's a hierarchy. Why do I pick out that thing, that thing, that thing?
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* '''Any artist will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing now. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.'''
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.davidhockney.com DavidHockney.com] tribute site
*[http://www.saltsmill.org.uk/galleries.htm Salts Mill] in [[w:Saltaire|Saltaire]], Yorkshire, England, contains a permanent exhibition of Hockney's work.
*[http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/walker/collections/20c/hockney.asp Peter getting out of Nick's pool (1966)]
*[https://archive.is/20130630005948/www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?011126fr_archive02 ''New Yorker'' review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'' (his suggestion that the Old Masters used optical devices to aid drawing)]
*[http://www.artrenewal.org/articles/2004/Hockney/yoder1.asp 'Why David Hockney Should Not Be Taken Seriously'. (A negative critique of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/chevalier.html ''Secret Knowledge'' (Review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/4288918.stm  Hockney leads smoking ban protest] [[w:BBC|BBC]] article.
*[http://www.picassomio.com/DavidHockney/ Hockney Bio and Art at PicassoMio Galleries] 
*[http://www.quoteszing.com/quotes/author/david-hockney/ David Hockney Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hockney, David}}
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Designers]]
[[Category:Photographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]</text>
      <sha1>qama4z4gxi2av7wz74yzrbo9guv5l5j</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951961</id>
      <parentid>3951960</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T10:46:16Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Philip Cross</username>
        <id>7192</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>for most of his career, he was really Anglo-American</comment>
      <origin>3951961</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="12575" sha1="40sb9sm5fu0f4z85xocn65echj9n2hu" xml:space="preserve">[[File:David Hockney 2017 at Flash Expo.jpg|thumb|In the end nobody knows how it's done — how [[art]] is made. It can't be [[explained]]. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the [[magic]] of [[creation]]. Nothing can.]]
'''[[w:David Hockney|David Hockney]]''' ([[9 July]] [[1937]] – [[11 July]] [[2026]]) was an English painter, draftsman, printmaker, stage designer, and photographer. Mainly resident in the United States from the mid-1960s until the millennium, he was a significant contributor to [[Pop Art]] of the 1960s.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Jean-Léon Gérôme 009.jpg|thumb|right|When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.]]
=== 1980s ===
[[File:Westminster Abbey - 51370500850.jpg|thumb|Future [[art]] that is based on [[appearances]] won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.]]
* '''When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.''' So [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] discovered ''that,'' as it were, and I'm sure that for him that was probably almost as exciting as discovering Cubism, rediscovering conventions of ordinary appearance, one-point perspective or something. The purists think you're going backwards, but I know you'd go forward. '''Future art that is based on appearances won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.''' The [[Renaissance]] is not the same as ancient Greece; the Gothic revival is not the same as Gothic. It might look like that at first, but you can tell it's not. '''The way we see things is constantly changing. At the moment the way we see things has been left a lot to the camera. That shouldn't necessarily be.'''
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-500-20291-5}} &lt;/small&gt; , p. 112

* Before he did all those lovely line drawings, [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]] would make really detailed charcoal drawings and tear them up. He wouldn't leave them about, he thought of them as working drawings. I understand what he was doing: discovering what's there. And then when you come to use line, if you know what you're looking at, it's much easier to make the line meaningful, to find a linear solution to what you want to depict.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 185

* What I always longed to do was to be able to paint like I can draw, most artists would tell you that, they would all like to paint like they can draw.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 207

* I've started painting much more freely, and faster. I think it's working in the theatre that did it. You know what the Glyndebourne scene-painters said about my ''The Magic Flute''? They said they had to wear sunglasses to paint it.
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-14-006389-7}} &lt;/small&gt; p. 97

* '''In one gallery they actually had a notice which said &quot;No Sketching.&quot; How obnoxious! I said, &quot;How do you think these things got on the walls if there was no sketching?&quot;'''
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983), p. 97

* Television is becoming a collage — there are so many channels that you move through them making a collage yourself. In that sense, everyone sees something a bit different.
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, November 1985, quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed...]]
* '''If we are to change our [[world view]], images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.'''
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, (September 1986) quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

=== 1991–2001 ===
* We live in an age where the artist is forgotten. He is a researcher. I see myself that way.
** ''The Observer'' (London, 9 June 1991)

* '''In the end nobody knows how it's done — how art is made. It can't be explained. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the magic of creation. Nothing can.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2001/09/22/bagay22.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot;Hockney and the secrets of the Old Masters&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (22 September 2001)

* I usually only draw myself in down periods. I do, actually. I suppose that's why I often draw myself looking grim. I just think, &quot;Let's have a look in the mirror.&quot; When you are alone and you look in a mirror you never put on a pleasing smile. Well, you don't, do you?
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2003/11/17/bahock17.xml Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (15 November 2001)

* He [Hockney's father] hardly ever left Bradford. '''He was a member of [[w:Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament|CND]] and a socialist with a rather romantic and naive idea of what Soviet Russia was like, all cornfields and ballet.''' He would have gone mad for email because he was always sending letters to world leaders — [[Dwight Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], [[Mao Zedong|Mao]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] — telling them what was what. '''I think he imagined the Politburo would hold up his letter and say, &quot;Hold everything, Kenneth Hockney has written again!&quot; '''
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)
** Hockney paraphrases the description of Soviet Russia (&quot;all them cornfields and ballet in the evenings&quot;) delivered by the communist Fred Kite ([[Peter Sellers]]) in the British film ''[[w:I'm All Right Jack|I'm All Right Jack]]'' (1959). 

* It sometimes takes a foreigner to come and see a place and paint it. I remember someone saying they had never really noticed the palm trees here until I painted them.
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

=== 2004–2006 ===
* ''Interviewer:'' Love is certainly at the center of tolerance. They're intertwined, in a certain way. It helps you appreciate difference.&lt;br&gt;''Hockney:'' Yes. And that's probably why I do portraits. Everybody's different; they look different, and are different. Maybe deep, deep down we're all the same. But on the surface we seem to be different, don't we?
** [http://glreview.com/13.3-hockney.php Interview with Lester Strong&quot; 'Love is the only serious subject' &quot;] ''Gay &amp; Lesbian Review Worldwide,'' (May/June 2004)

* With chemical film, it was possible to alter photographs, but you had to be an expert. That's not true any more. The ''LA Times'' fired a photographer at the beginning of the Iraq War for editing two shots together. Photography is crumbling. Certainly it is for the newspapers a bit now, isn't it? There will be painting again, absolutely!
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/05/18/bahock18.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot; 'Photography is crumbling,' &quot;] ''The Telegraph,'' (18 May 2004)

[[File:Here comes rain again.jpg|thumb|right|I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle... I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.]]
* '''I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle. And then I paint it. Now, I admit, there are not too many people who would find that exciting. But I would. And I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.'''
** [http://www.forestonline.org/output/Page264.asp Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places&quot;] ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* I'm aware it's now a hostile city [New York City]. I feel I'm in school, actually. There are signs everywhere you don't get in any other city. When you see all the smokers outside a building in New York, I just think the building is full of bad-mannered people who haven't thought, &quot;We'll give them a little room to smoke in.&quot; That's what a reasonable person, a person with good manners, would do.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* There's no doubt you smoke to calm yourself. I know I do. That's my decision about how I keep calm. I prefer that to Prozac. In fact I think it's healthier. I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?]]
* '''How can [[Tony Blair|[Tony] Blair]] fight a war on terror? Terror is not an ideology or an army; terror is a technique.'''
** [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1806962,00.html Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (London)

* '''Teaching people to draw is teaching people to look.'''
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)

* The choice is not between drugs and no drugs, but between illegal drugs and legal drugs. Until the 1920s drugs were legal, why not now? Lots of people are on drugs anyway — it is called medication.
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)
[[File:Bilbao - Guggenheim 95.jpg|thumb|Any [[artist]] will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing [[now]]. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.]]

* '''All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?'''
** [http://www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/articles/2006/02/26/david_hockney_keeps_seeking_new_avenues_of_exploration/ Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration&quot;] ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* How difficult it is to learn not to see like cameras, which has had such an effect on us. The camera sees everything at once. We don't. There's a hierarchy. Why do I pick out that thing, that thing, that thing?
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* '''Any artist will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing now. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.'''
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.davidhockney.com DavidHockney.com] tribute site
*[http://www.saltsmill.org.uk/galleries.htm Salts Mill] in [[w:Saltaire|Saltaire]], Yorkshire, England, contains a permanent exhibition of Hockney's work.
*[http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/walker/collections/20c/hockney.asp Peter getting out of Nick's pool (1966)]
*[https://archive.is/20130630005948/www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?011126fr_archive02 ''New Yorker'' review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'' (his suggestion that the Old Masters used optical devices to aid drawing)]
*[http://www.artrenewal.org/articles/2004/Hockney/yoder1.asp 'Why David Hockney Should Not Be Taken Seriously'. (A negative critique of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/chevalier.html ''Secret Knowledge'' (Review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/4288918.stm  Hockney leads smoking ban protest] [[w:BBC|BBC]] article.
*[http://www.picassomio.com/DavidHockney/ Hockney Bio and Art at PicassoMio Galleries] 
*[http://www.quoteszing.com/quotes/author/david-hockney/ David Hockney Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hockney, David}}
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Designers]]
[[Category:Photographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]</text>
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      <text bytes="12621" sha1="ixyhx1o4qskf9r2a2xfgf0gkpgtiqzf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:David Hockney 2017 at Flash Expo.jpg|thumb|In the end nobody knows how it's done — how [[art]] is made. It can't be [[explained]]. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the [[magic]] of [[creation]]. Nothing can.]]
'''[[w:David Hockney|David Hockney]]''' ([[9 July]] [[1937]] – [[11 July]] [[2026]]) was an English painter, draftsman, printmaker, stage designer, and photographer. Mainly resident in the United States from the mid-1960s until the millennium, he was a significant contributor to [[Pop Art]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Jean-Léon Gérôme 009.jpg|thumb|right|When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.]]
=== 1980s ===
[[File:Westminster Abbey - 51370500850.jpg|thumb|Future [[art]] that is based on [[appearances]] won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.]]
* '''When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.''' So [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] discovered ''that,'' as it were, and I'm sure that for him that was probably almost as exciting as discovering Cubism, rediscovering conventions of ordinary appearance, one-point perspective or something. The purists think you're going backwards, but I know you'd go forward. '''Future art that is based on appearances won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.''' The [[Renaissance]] is not the same as ancient Greece; the Gothic revival is not the same as Gothic. It might look like that at first, but you can tell it's not. '''The way we see things is constantly changing. At the moment the way we see things has been left a lot to the camera. That shouldn't necessarily be.'''
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-500-20291-5}} &lt;/small&gt; , p. 112

* Before he did all those lovely line drawings, [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]] would make really detailed charcoal drawings and tear them up. He wouldn't leave them about, he thought of them as working drawings. I understand what he was doing: discovering what's there. And then when you come to use line, if you know what you're looking at, it's much easier to make the line meaningful, to find a linear solution to what you want to depict.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 185

* What I always longed to do was to be able to paint like I can draw, most artists would tell you that, they would all like to paint like they can draw.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 207

* I've started painting much more freely, and faster. I think it's working in the theatre that did it. You know what the Glyndebourne scene-painters said about my ''The Magic Flute''? They said they had to wear sunglasses to paint it.
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-14-006389-7}} &lt;/small&gt; p. 97

* '''In one gallery they actually had a notice which said &quot;No Sketching.&quot; How obnoxious! I said, &quot;How do you think these things got on the walls if there was no sketching?&quot;'''
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983), p. 97

* Television is becoming a collage — there are so many channels that you move through them making a collage yourself. In that sense, everyone sees something a bit different.
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, November 1985, quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed...]]
* '''If we are to change our [[world view]], images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.'''
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, (September 1986) quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

=== 1991–2001 ===
* We live in an age where the artist is forgotten. He is a researcher. I see myself that way.
** ''The Observer'' (London, 9 June 1991)

* '''In the end nobody knows how it's done — how art is made. It can't be explained. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the magic of creation. Nothing can.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2001/09/22/bagay22.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot;Hockney and the secrets of the Old Masters&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (22 September 2001)

* I usually only draw myself in down periods. I do, actually. I suppose that's why I often draw myself looking grim. I just think, &quot;Let's have a look in the mirror.&quot; When you are alone and you look in a mirror you never put on a pleasing smile. Well, you don't, do you?
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2003/11/17/bahock17.xml Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (15 November 2001)

* He [Hockney's father] hardly ever left Bradford. '''He was a member of [[w:Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament|CND]] and a socialist with a rather romantic and naive idea of what Soviet Russia was like, all cornfields and ballet.''' He would have gone mad for email because he was always sending letters to world leaders — [[Dwight Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], [[Mao Zedong|Mao]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] — telling them what was what. '''I think he imagined the Politburo would hold up his letter and say, &quot;Hold everything, Kenneth Hockney has written again!&quot; '''
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)
** Hockney paraphrases the description of Soviet Russia (&quot;all them cornfields and ballet in the evenings&quot;) delivered by the communist [http://www.screenonline.org.uk/film/id/441166/index.html Fred Kite] ([[Peter Sellers]]) in the British film ''[[w:I'm All Right Jack|I'm All Right Jack]]'' (1959). 

* It sometimes takes a foreigner to come and see a place and paint it. I remember someone saying they had never really noticed the palm trees here until I painted them.
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

=== 2004–2006 ===
* ''Interviewer:'' Love is certainly at the center of tolerance. They're intertwined, in a certain way. It helps you appreciate difference.&lt;br&gt;''Hockney:'' Yes. And that's probably why I do portraits. Everybody's different; they look different, and are different. Maybe deep, deep down we're all the same. But on the surface we seem to be different, don't we?
** [http://glreview.com/13.3-hockney.php Interview with Lester Strong&quot; 'Love is the only serious subject' &quot;] ''Gay &amp; Lesbian Review Worldwide,'' (May/June 2004)

* With chemical film, it was possible to alter photographs, but you had to be an expert. That's not true any more. The ''LA Times'' fired a photographer at the beginning of the Iraq War for editing two shots together. Photography is crumbling. Certainly it is for the newspapers a bit now, isn't it? There will be painting again, absolutely!
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/05/18/bahock18.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot; 'Photography is crumbling,' &quot;] ''The Telegraph,'' (18 May 2004)

[[File:Here comes rain again.jpg|thumb|right|I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle... I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.]]
* '''I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle. And then I paint it. Now, I admit, there are not too many people who would find that exciting. But I would. And I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.'''
** [http://www.forestonline.org/output/Page264.asp Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places&quot;] ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* I'm aware it's now a hostile city [New York City]. I feel I'm in school, actually. There are signs everywhere you don't get in any other city. When you see all the smokers outside a building in New York, I just think the building is full of bad-mannered people who haven't thought, &quot;We'll give them a little room to smoke in.&quot; That's what a reasonable person, a person with good manners, would do.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* There's no doubt you smoke to calm yourself. I know I do. That's my decision about how I keep calm. I prefer that to Prozac. In fact I think it's healthier. I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?]]
* '''How can [[Tony Blair|[Tony] Blair]] fight a war on terror? Terror is not an ideology or an army; terror is a technique.'''
** [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1806962,00.html Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (London)

* '''Teaching people to draw is teaching people to look.'''
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)

* The choice is not between drugs and no drugs, but between illegal drugs and legal drugs. Until the 1920s drugs were legal, why not now? Lots of people are on drugs anyway — it is called medication.
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)
[[File:Bilbao - Guggenheim 95.jpg|thumb|Any [[artist]] will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing [[now]]. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.]]

* '''All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?'''
** [http://www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/articles/2006/02/26/david_hockney_keeps_seeking_new_avenues_of_exploration/ Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration&quot;] ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* How difficult it is to learn not to see like cameras, which has had such an effect on us. The camera sees everything at once. We don't. There's a hierarchy. Why do I pick out that thing, that thing, that thing?
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* '''Any artist will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing now. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.'''
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.davidhockney.com DavidHockney.com] tribute site
*[http://www.saltsmill.org.uk/galleries.htm Salts Mill] in [[w:Saltaire|Saltaire]], Yorkshire, England, contains a permanent exhibition of Hockney's work.
*[http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/walker/collections/20c/hockney.asp Peter getting out of Nick's pool (1966)]
*[https://archive.is/20130630005948/www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?011126fr_archive02 ''New Yorker'' review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'' (his suggestion that the Old Masters used optical devices to aid drawing)]
*[http://www.artrenewal.org/articles/2004/Hockney/yoder1.asp 'Why David Hockney Should Not Be Taken Seriously'. (A negative critique of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/chevalier.html ''Secret Knowledge'' (Review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/4288918.stm  Hockney leads smoking ban protest] [[w:BBC|BBC]] article.
*[http://www.picassomio.com/DavidHockney/ Hockney Bio and Art at PicassoMio Galleries] 
*[http://www.quoteszing.com/quotes/author/david-hockney/ David Hockney Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hockney, David}}
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Designers]]
[[Category:Photographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]</text>
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      <text bytes="12614" sha1="3ogpzh137fvs6xzjb310003ed76503z" xml:space="preserve">[[File:David Hockney 2017 at Flash Expo.jpg|thumb|In the end nobody knows how it's done — how [[art]] is made. It can't be [[explained]]. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the [[magic]] of [[creation]]. Nothing can.]]
'''[[w:David Hockney|David Hockney]]''' ([[9 July]] [[1937]] – [[11 July]] [[2026]]) was an English painter, draftsman, printmaker, stage designer, and photographer. Mainly resident in California from the mid-1960s until the millennium, he was a significant contributor to [[Pop Art]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Jean-Léon Gérôme 009.jpg|thumb|right|When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.]]
=== 1980s ===
[[File:Westminster Abbey - 51370500850.jpg|thumb|Future [[art]] that is based on [[appearances]] won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.]]
* '''When conventions are old, there's quite a good reason, it's not arbitrary.''' So [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]] discovered ''that,'' as it were, and I'm sure that for him that was probably almost as exciting as discovering Cubism, rediscovering conventions of ordinary appearance, one-point perspective or something. The purists think you're going backwards, but I know you'd go forward. '''Future art that is based on appearances won't look like the art that's gone before. Even revivals of a period are not the same.''' The [[Renaissance]] is not the same as ancient Greece; the Gothic revival is not the same as Gothic. It might look like that at first, but you can tell it's not. '''The way we see things is constantly changing. At the moment the way we see things has been left a lot to the camera. That shouldn't necessarily be.'''
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-500-20291-5}} &lt;/small&gt; , p. 112

* Before he did all those lovely line drawings, [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]] would make really detailed charcoal drawings and tear them up. He wouldn't leave them about, he thought of them as working drawings. I understand what he was doing: discovering what's there. And then when you come to use line, if you know what you're looking at, it's much easier to make the line meaningful, to find a linear solution to what you want to depict.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 185

* What I always longed to do was to be able to paint like I can draw, most artists would tell you that, they would all like to paint like they can draw.
** From a series of interviews with Marco Livingstone (April 22 - May 7, 1980 and July 6 - 7, 1980) quoted in Livingstone's ''David Hockney'' (1981), p. 207

* I've started painting much more freely, and faster. I think it's working in the theatre that did it. You know what the Glyndebourne scene-painters said about my ''The Magic Flute''? They said they had to wear sunglasses to paint it.
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983) &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-14-006389-7}} &lt;/small&gt; p. 97

* '''In one gallery they actually had a notice which said &quot;No Sketching.&quot; How obnoxious! I said, &quot;How do you think these things got on the walls if there was no sketching?&quot;'''
** &quot;Portrait of the Artist as a Naughty Boy,&quot; interview with John Mortimer, ''In Character'' (1983), p. 97

* Television is becoming a collage — there are so many channels that you move through them making a collage yourself. In that sense, everyone sees something a bit different.
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, November 1985, quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|If we are to change our world view, images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed...]]
* '''If we are to change our [[world view]], images have to change. The artist now has a very important job to do. He's not a little peripheral figure entertaining rich people, he's really needed.'''
** Interview with Paul Joyce, New York, (September 1986) quoted in ''Hockney on Photography,'' ed. Wendy Brown (1988)

=== 1991–2001 ===
* We live in an age where the artist is forgotten. He is a researcher. I see myself that way.
** ''The Observer'' (London, 9 June 1991)

* '''In the end nobody knows how it's done — how art is made. It can't be explained. Optical devices are just tools. Understanding a tool doesn't explain the magic of creation. Nothing can.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2001/09/22/bagay22.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot;Hockney and the secrets of the Old Masters&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (22 September 2001)

* I usually only draw myself in down periods. I do, actually. I suppose that's why I often draw myself looking grim. I just think, &quot;Let's have a look in the mirror.&quot; When you are alone and you look in a mirror you never put on a pleasing smile. Well, you don't, do you?
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2003/11/17/bahock17.xml Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (15 November 2001)

* He [Hockney's father] hardly ever left Bradford. '''He was a member of [[w:Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament|CND]] and a socialist with a rather romantic and naive idea of what Soviet Russia was like, all cornfields and ballet.''' He would have gone mad for email because he was always sending letters to world leaders — [[Dwight Eisenhower|Eisenhower]], [[Mao Zedong|Mao]], [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] — telling them what was what. '''I think he imagined the Politburo would hold up his letter and say, &quot;Hold everything, Kenneth Hockney has written again!&quot; '''
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)
** Hockney paraphrases the description of Soviet Russia (&quot;all them cornfields and ballet in the evenings&quot;) delivered by the communist [http://www.screenonline.org.uk/film/id/441166/index.html Fred Kite] ([[Peter Sellers]]) in the British film ''[[w:I'm All Right Jack|I'm All Right Jack]]'' (1959). 

* It sometimes takes a foreigner to come and see a place and paint it. I remember someone saying they had never really noticed the palm trees here until I painted them.
** Interview with Nigel Farndale, &quot;The talented Mr. Hockney,&quot; ''The Telegraph,'' (15 November 2001)

=== 2004–2006 ===
* ''Interviewer:'' Love is certainly at the center of tolerance. They're intertwined, in a certain way. It helps you appreciate difference.&lt;br&gt;''Hockney:'' Yes. And that's probably why I do portraits. Everybody's different; they look different, and are different. Maybe deep, deep down we're all the same. But on the surface we seem to be different, don't we?
** [http://glreview.com/13.3-hockney.php Interview with Lester Strong&quot; 'Love is the only serious subject' &quot;] ''Gay &amp; Lesbian Review Worldwide,'' (May/June 2004)

* With chemical film, it was possible to alter photographs, but you had to be an expert. That's not true any more. The ''LA Times'' fired a photographer at the beginning of the Iraq War for editing two shots together. Photography is crumbling. Certainly it is for the newspapers a bit now, isn't it? There will be painting again, absolutely!
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2004/05/18/bahock18.xml Interview with Martin Gayford, &quot; 'Photography is crumbling,' &quot;] ''The Telegraph,'' (18 May 2004)

[[File:Here comes rain again.jpg|thumb|right|I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle... I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.]]
* '''I can get excitement watching rain on a puddle. And then I paint it. Now, I admit, there are not too many people who would find that exciting. But I would. And I want life thrilling and rich. And it is. I make sure it is.'''
** [http://www.forestonline.org/output/Page264.asp Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places&quot;] ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* I'm aware it's now a hostile city [New York City]. I feel I'm in school, actually. There are signs everywhere you don't get in any other city. When you see all the smokers outside a building in New York, I just think the building is full of bad-mannered people who haven't thought, &quot;We'll give them a little room to smoke in.&quot; That's what a reasonable person, a person with good manners, would do.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

* There's no doubt you smoke to calm yourself. I know I do. That's my decision about how I keep calm. I prefer that to Prozac. In fact I think it's healthier. I couldn't go to another New York party where they're all drinking water and on Prozac and telling you off for smoking.
** Interview with Marion Finlay, &quot;Hockney on … politics, pleasure, and smoking in public places,&quot; ''FOREST Online'' (28 July 2004)

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?]]
* '''How can [[Tony Blair|[Tony] Blair]] fight a war on terror? Terror is not an ideology or an army; terror is a technique.'''
** [http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1806962,00.html Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (London)

* '''Teaching people to draw is teaching people to look.'''
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)

* The choice is not between drugs and no drugs, but between illegal drugs and legal drugs. Until the 1920s drugs were legal, why not now? Lots of people are on drugs anyway — it is called medication.
** Interview with Jasper Gerard, &quot;Taking the fight to the dreary people,&quot; ''The Sunday Times'' (London) (2 October 2005)
[[File:Bilbao - Guggenheim 95.jpg|thumb|Any [[artist]] will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing [[now]]. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.]]

* '''All art is contemporary, if it's alive. And if it's not alive, what's the point of it?'''
** [http://www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/articles/2006/02/26/david_hockney_keeps_seeking_new_avenues_of_exploration/ Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration&quot;] ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* How difficult it is to learn not to see like cameras, which has had such an effect on us. The camera sees everything at once. We don't. There's a hierarchy. Why do I pick out that thing, that thing, that thing?
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

* '''Any artist will tell you he's really only interested in the stuff he's doing now. He will, always. It's true, and it should be like that.'''
** Interview with Mark Feeney, &quot;David Hockney keeps seeking new avenues of exploration,&quot; ''Boston Globe'' (26 February 2006)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.davidhockney.com DavidHockney.com] tribute site
*[http://www.saltsmill.org.uk/galleries.htm Salts Mill] in [[w:Saltaire|Saltaire]], Yorkshire, England, contains a permanent exhibition of Hockney's work.
*[http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/walker/collections/20c/hockney.asp Peter getting out of Nick's pool (1966)]
*[https://archive.is/20130630005948/www.newyorker.com/archive/content/?011126fr_archive02 ''New Yorker'' review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'' (his suggestion that the Old Masters used optical devices to aid drawing)]
*[http://www.artrenewal.org/articles/2004/Hockney/yoder1.asp 'Why David Hockney Should Not Be Taken Seriously'. (A negative critique of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/chevalier.html ''Secret Knowledge'' (Review of Hockney's ''Secret Knowledge'')]
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/4288918.stm  Hockney leads smoking ban protest] [[w:BBC|BBC]] article.
*[http://www.picassomio.com/DavidHockney/ Hockney Bio and Art at PicassoMio Galleries] 
*[http://www.quoteszing.com/quotes/author/david-hockney/ David Hockney Quotes]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hockney, David}}
[[Category:1937 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Designers]]
[[Category:Photographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]</text>
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    <title>The New Scooby-Doo Movies</title>
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[[File:The New Scooby-Doo Movies logo.svg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:The New Scooby-Doo Movies|The New Scooby-Doo Movies]]''''' (sometimes called ''The New Scooby-Doo Comedy Movies'') was the second incarnation of the long-running Hanna-Barbera Saturday morning cartoon ''[[Scooby-Doo]]''. It premiered on September 9, 1972 and ran for two seasons on CBS as an hour long show. Twenty-four episodes were ultimately produced (sixteen in 1972–1973, and eight more in 1973–1974).

== Quotes ==
===From &quot;Ghastly Ghost Town&quot;===
:''[Fred and Daphne are walking through the desert]''
:'''Fred''': &quot;This desert reminds me of a woman.&quot;
:'''Daphne''': &quot;Why's that?&quot;
:'''Fred''': &quot;It goes on and on and on.&quot;
:'''Daphne''' ''[not amused]'': &quot;Men!&quot;
:'''Fred''': &quot;Come on, Daph.  Where's your sense of humour?&quot;
:'''Daphne''': &quot;Shriveled up in this heat.&quot;

===From &quot;Wednesday is Missing&quot;===
:''[While looking for Wednesday Addams in the [[Addams Family]] house]''
:'''Daphne''': &quot;Don't you want to see Wednesday again?&quot;
:'''Shaggy''': &quot;You bet! And I want to live to see Thursday and Friday and Saturday!&quot;'

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Having left the Addams family, Fred asks where they are]''
:'''Fred''': No idea. Shaggy, check the map and tell us where we are.&quot;
:'''Shaggy''': Can't tell. It's too dark. Wait; I'll light one of Uncle Fester's candles.
:'''Fred, Velma, Daphne and Scooby''': Uncle Fester's candles?!
Fireworks come from the back and are all over the Mystery Machine.

===From &quot;The Haunted Showboat&quot;===
''After the ghost of Capt. Scavenger introduce himself''
:'''Shaggy:''' Help! Man overboard!
:'''Fred:''' Who?
:'''Shaggy:''' ''[he jumps off the boat]'' Me! ''[Followed by Scooby-Doo and Sebastian and jump down of the boat, and later Alexander follow the suit]''
:''[later after the ghost are gone]''
:'''Fred:''' Right now we have to fish up our buddies out of that river!
:'''Velma:''' What river?
:''[Camera shows that Shaggy, Scooby, Sebastian and Alexander landed onto the bridge, tangled up with the rope]''
:'''Alexander:''' I'm beginning to think that following ghosts is safer than following you two!

===From &quot;The Haunted Carnival&quot;===
:'''Van Dyke:''' As the Van Dyke says &quot;The show must go on!&quot;
:'''Shaggy:''' ''[Tryng to leave with Scooby]'' As the Van Shaggy says &quot; The customer must get going!&quot;
:'''Scooby:''' R-eah,ruh...Rurry! Rurry! Rurry!

===From “Sandy Duncan’s Jekyll and Hyde”===
''[After the Gang sets up a plan, Mr. Hyde then mocks Daphne.]''
:'''Mr. Hyde:''' I thought I never saw you Mrs. Duncan, and I thought I’ll never you’ll been the most popular.
:''[Daphne speaks from a muffled speech; transition - “No! Let me go! I'm not Sandy!”]''
:'''Fred:''' ''[Daphne including Mr. Hyde hears from outside]'' There she is!
:'''Shaggy:''' We found her!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
''[Shaggy and Fred charged down the door, Sending Mr. Hyde flying into pillows and they freed Daphne, Sandy walks in towards him.]''
:'''Sandy:''' Hello, I'm Sandy Duncan
:'''Mr. Hyde:''' What, but then, who are you?
:'''Sandy:''' No, that’s my thing, who are ''you''?!

===From &quot;The Caped Crusader Caper&quot;===
Batman and Robin are in the BatCopter chasing Joker and Penguin who are disguised along a plain.
:'''Batman''': There are your fairy tale felons, Robin.
:'''Robin''': They haven't a chance. No trees, no bushes, no place to hide.
Batman realizes that they have left the mystery machine on a road where the bridge was not in place
:'''Batman''': Great Scott!  The Mystery Machine! That bridge was out of place.
Robin looks down
:'''Robin''': Relax, Batman. It's down there on the river road.
Batman looks down and the mystery machine is seen
:'''Batman''': Now it's time to capture those two.
They look down but find they have disappeared
:'''Batman:''' Great balls of fire!  Our forest spirits have vanished!
:'''Robin:''' In a split second!  But how?  Where could they have gone?
:'''Batman:''' Let's get down there.

===From &quot;The Dynamic Scooby-Doo Affair&quot;===
:'''Penguin:''' We got them on the run!
:'''Joker:''' That's what I call a ''running gag!''

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Batman}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:New Scooby-Doo Movies, The}}
[[Category:1970s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:CBS animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Television series by Hanna-Barbera]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Penn &amp; Teller: Bullshit!</title>
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'''''[[w:Penn &amp; Teller: Bullshit!|Penn &amp; Teller: Bullshit!]]''''' (2003 – 2010), also known as '''''Penn &amp; Teller: Bullsh*t!''''', '''''Penn &amp; Teller: Bullsh**!''''', '''''Penn &amp; Teller: BS!''''', and informally as '''''Bullshit!''''', is an [[w:United States|American]] [[w:Emmy Award|Emmy]]-nominated television series on the premium cable channel [[w:Showtime|Showtime]]. It is hosted by professional [[w:Magic (illusion)|magician]]s/[[w:Comedian|comedians]] [[Penn &amp; Teller]], and inherits their characteristically blunt, aggressive presentation. The show aims to debunk an array of popular misconceptions, sometimes [[w:supernatural|supernatural]] in nature. It criticizes proponents of such things, often citing ulterior or financial motives. The stated aim of the show is to apply [[critical thinking]] to misconceptions.

== Season 1 ==

=== Talking to the Dead [1.01] ===

:[''First lines'']
:'''Penn''': [''Posing over a fake grave of Harry Houdini''] Harry, can you believe it? The same bullshit you so ''thoroughly'' debunked almost a century ago is continuing, and even enjoying a resurgence. [''To camera''] See? Anyone can talk to the dead. Getting an answer, that's the hard part.
:'''Teller''': [''Through the plastic gravestone''] Bullshit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': [''Penn explains why there is so much vulgarity on the show''] You'll notice much more obscenity than we usually use. That's not just because it's on Showtime, and we want to get some attention. It's also a legal matter. If one calls people liars and quacks, one can be sued and lose a lot of one's money. But &quot;motherfuckers&quot; and &quot;assholes&quot; is pretty safe. If we said it was all scams, we could also be in trouble. But &quot;bullshit,&quot; oddly, is safe. So, forgive all the bullshit language. We're trying to talk about the truth without spending the rest of our lives in court because of litigious motherfuckers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Before we bust up this party—and God dammit we're gonna bust it up—we have to make it very clear where our hearts are. We have nothing but empathy for the people who are experiencing the loss and grief of the death of a loved one. That guy who lost his mom rips my heart out. I'm a momma's boy whose mom died a couple of years ago, and I'll never get over it, and my dad died at around the same time, and I was very close to both of them. I loved them so much there isn't a moment that goes by that I don't miss them. Houdini didn't really go nuts busting these mediums until he lost his mom. Once you've felt that pure grief, seeing it exploited can take away your sense of humor. Once a loved one has died, all we have is our memories of them. There is nothing more precious to me than my memories of my mom and dad. We don't give a rat's ass about the money these bastards are taking from the grief stricken; what we do care about deeply is the desecration of memories. These &quot;performance artists&quot; are, in a very real sense, motherfuckers. That poor guy's grieving memories of his mother are now all fucked up by somebody else's images. All he will ever have left of his mom are memories, and this pig has pissed on those for a buck and a little unearned fame. I'm sure these lame fucks tell themselves that they're easing the grief, but skits for money can not replace loving memories. How low do you have to be to exploit someone's true grief to sell some bullshit book?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': One of the weird things Houdini discovered is that some of these mediums actually slip into believing their own bullshit. They forget their own misses, or as John Edward—&quot;the ''Biggest'' Douche in the Universe&quot;—does, rewrite them as hits that we're just not able to recognize. Cold reading can be done accidentally. That doesn't mean the psychic is a better person. Lying to themselves does not make lying to others OK. It can make intellectually lazy scumbags more convincing and dangerous. But even if these fucks ''know'' they're just making this shit up and pushing people's buttons, they tell themselves, &quot;At least I'm comforting the bereaved.&quot; Who the ''fuck'' are they to decide that lying about the universe and a dead loved one is what the bereaved ''needs''!? That's condescending ''bullshit''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': You don't heal a broken heart by pretending it's not broken.

=== Alternative Medicine [1.02] ===

:[''Opening lines. Teller is said to have a number of symptoms'']
:'''Penn''': Teller's been feeling a little down lately. He's had bouts of low energy, low endorphins, delusions, hallucinations, depression, a touch of carpal tunnel syndrome, Lyme's disease, cataracts, glaucoma, sciatica, a few retinal disorders, cancer, acid indigestion, autism brain damage, macular degeneration, eczema, and most heartbreaking of all: bed-wetting. We're gonna see if we can cure him ''without'' the bother of going to a doctor. Let's try some bullshit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''After hearing that magnet therapy could be addictive if a patient puts magnets on their head at all times'']
:'''Penn''': So magnets are a cheap, legal high. Why is anyone using crack?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doctor Brickerhoff''': Let me hear you say &quot;Hallelujah!&quot;
:'''Trucker''': Hallelujah!
:'''Penn''': A lot of real scientists make you say &quot;Hallelujah!&quot;

=== Alien Abductions [1.03] ===

:'''Penn''': Ahh, yes! The famous alien probe! So versatile it works into any orifice. No matter how [menacing] it looks, abductees all ''love'' the probe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[David Icke]]''': If we could see beyond the limitations of our five senses, we would see George Bush the Father and George Bush the Son as reptilian entities.
:'''Penn''': [''semi-sarcastically''] You know, this is the first thing anyone's said that makes sense.

=== End of the World [1.04] ===

:'''Penn''': So, when does Bruce believe the bombs will start dropping?
:'''Bruce Beech''': The date which a lot of people feel right at this moment is about the 8th of December.
:'''Penn''': Relax! He's talking about 2002 [''which had passed'']. You can start breathing again!
:[''Bruce Beech laughs hysterically'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': You know, when you hear about people predicting the end of the world, they're always predicting 60 to 90 % of the world's population is going to get killed. It's odd how they're always planning on what ''they're'' going to do when everyone else is dead. Teller and I have always played the odds, so, we're betting we're gonna die. You should see our credit card bills. They're higher than our cholesterol! Good thing we don't plan on paying 'em! [''microphone appears''] I'm sure that we—
:'''Cameraman''': Cut! Cut. The mic was in the shot. We have to go again.
:'''Penn''': Fuck you, it's the end of the world! If you live, you can fix it in post.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John Hogue''': John Hogue; rogue scholar!
:'''Penn''': Get it? Hogue! Rogue! It rhymes! And scholar, well... not a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cameraman''': Do you think that this tape will ever air?
:'''Bruce Beach''': I don't give that a very high rate of probability. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''on the subject of decoding Nostradamus' writings'']
:'''John Hogue''': Quatrain 97 of century, Volume 6 reads, &quot;At 45 degrees latitude, the sky will burn. Fire approaches the great New City.&quot; At latitude 45 degrees the only new city since Nostradamus' time that you could call great and new and vast is the city that rests between 40 degrees and 41 degrees latitude, which is Manhattan and New York. Now... that's a little off.
:'''James Randi''': Then, he's way off up in Canada or some place. […] When [Nostradamus] said &quot;New City,&quot; he was referring to Naples [Italy]. He refers to it several times throughout his writings and makes it clear that he's talking about Naples. ''Not'' New York City.

=== Sex, Sex, Sex [1.06] ===

:'''Penn''': Naked people are their own reward.

=== Feng Shui/Bottled Water [1.07] ===
:[''After identical twins get the same exact haircut, one from a barber, the second one from a Feng Shui hairstylist'']
:'''Penn''': Conclusion: it's bullshit! Save your money and go see Joe... and we'll tell you you're sex-ay for free!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:[''Teller is on a stack of chairs, which fall over'']
:'''Penn''': [''on the subject of Feng Shui''] You know, Teller, I find it silly that some people think that how you arrange your furniture can affect your health. It seems so...so...so...hmmm, stupid. [''drinks out of'' Penn &amp; Teller: Bullshit ''bottled water'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': [''on the subject of bottled water''] Consumers are offered water with names conveying pure and pristine water sources. Ever hear of Alaskan Falls water? That must come from the crystal-clear glacial waters of our 49th state, right? Sorry, folks. Alaskan flows from this liquibox corporation building in Worthington, Ohio. Does the brand Yosemite conjure up visions of the cool, pristine waters rushing through California's high sierras? Well, then the marketers have done their jobs. The source of Yosemite bottled water is actually 400 miles away in Northwest Los Angeles. How about Everest Water? Could our piddly show possibly afford to send a camera crew to Nepal? NOT NECESSARY. Everest comes from the industrial section of Corpus Cristi, Texas! In fact, if you read the fine print on the FUCKING LABEL, they even admit that the water comes from a MUNICIPAL SOURCE! THAT IS TAP WATER, brothers and sisters of the cult of the bottle! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': In much of the rest of the world, [drinking] tap water equals rapid and severe weight loss, with the introduction of new, probably harmful, friends to your intestines and other organs. Are we so ashamed of our wonderful tap water, that we have to disguise it?

=== ESP [1.10] ===
:[''Teller is acting as a pet psychic by finding out what a turtle is thinking through ESP'']
:'''Penn''': I'm a pet psychic... psychic! I can tell you what your pet psychic is thinking and feeling. Your pet psychic is thinking &quot;This is safe. No one can contradict me and realize I'm lying. I don't even have the balls to be a human psychic. I feel like such a pile of bullshit!&quot;

=== Eat This! [1.11] ===

:'''Penn''': When he &amp;#91;''[[Norman Borlaug]]''&amp;#93; won the Nobel Prize in 1970, they said he had saved a ''billion'' people. That's BILLION! &quot;BUH!&quot; That's [[Carl Sagan]] billion with a &quot;B&quot;. And most of them were of different race from him. Norman is the greatest human being. And you've probably never heard of him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Throughout history there's never been an overabundance of food.  All food is the product of technology; apples, corn, tomatoes, all modified.  Every food has been changed through selective breeding or grafting.  For ten thousand years each attempt at improvement has changed the DNA of the plant.  Now some people are up-in-arms about changes in DNA.  Well, you know what?  If you’re able to get up and have food, you should celebrate.  We should all dance about how much food we have.  Why is anyone fighting food advance?  A very small percentage of the world's population is fortunate enough to have the luxury of turning down food. The rest of the world spends most of its time trying to get any food.  You know why?  Technological problems.  They got dirt, they got water, they got sun. They lack the technical ability to till or enrich the soil.  They lack the machines to plant enough to feed their families. They lack the ''hybrid plants'' that produce more food per acre.  We need to spread all the technology all we can, so all people everywhere can deal with the problem of too much food. We can't start getting picky because we've got enough food—that's just self-centered and racist. Unless you and yours are starving, you need to '''''shut the fuck up!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Norman Borlaug''': [''on the possibility of a world-wide switch to organic farming''] We are almost 6.6 billion people, now. We can only feed about two-thirds of them. I don't see 2 billion volunteers to disappear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after some raw-foodists try to foist their food on other people, being rejected in the process]''
:'''Penn''': We're pretty sure that if you live in a beach-house in the US, you probably shouldn't be trying to tell starving people in the rest of the world that you're fighting the technology that could feed their children.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Norman Borlaug''': You can't build a peaceful world on empty stomachs and human misery.

=== Ouija Board - Near Death Experiences [1.12] ===
:'''Penn''': There are two things you say for sure about the Ouija board. One, it'll set you back about twenty bucks. Two, it's bullshit!

== Season 2 ==

=== P.E.T.A. [2.01] ===

:[''Opening lines. Penn and Teller are standing in front of a bull - the bull moos.]
:'''Penn''': You might be wondering what our... friend is doing here. Well, he's one of the many creators of... bullshit! And he's in the best of interest in this show because we're taking a look at the animal rights movement in general, and more specifically, a group called PETA - '''P'''eople for the '''E'''thical '''T'''reatment of '''A'''nimals. These are folks who don't want animals killed, hurt, exploited or... embarrassed. Okay, we're gonna try it their way. We aren't gonna tease or abuse the bull. He doesn't have a cute name like... Elsie or... Moo-Moo or... Heifer Lips. His name is Dave. ''Nothing'' funny about that. We wouldn't do anything to this animal that we wouldn't do to each other. So... call him Dave. Here you go...
:''[Penn applies a branding iron that says &quot;BULLSHIT!&quot; to Teller's right buttock.]''.
:'''Teller''': ''[off-camera]'' Mother-FUCKER! Oh...
:'''Penn''': Hey, cool, Dave! He ''can'' talk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Ethical means '''moral''' or '''proper''' which differs for every person, it's something to discuss! It's not an absolute, it just sounds nice, it's like 'pro-choice' and 'pro-life', I mean, c'mon! Everyone is pro-choice ''and'' pro-life! It's for or against ''abortion'' that your group is about, and who ''wouldn't'' wanna treat animals ethically, anyway? I mean nobody gets off slapping their monkey or choking their chicken or roughing up their clam!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[On the influence of the animal rights movement].''
:'''Jerry Vlasak''': This is a struggle for equality that is no different from all the other civil rights struggles before it.
:'''Dennis Prager''': The foolishness of that statement is so deep, that I can only ascribe it to higher education: you '''have''' to have gone to college to have learnt to say something ''that'' stupid.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': SHOWS LIKE ''THIS''!? What shows like this? Is HBO running a show called “Horse Shit” or “Crock-a-Shit”? What other shit shows are there out there? We ''rule'' shit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': In just a month after animals were released, they would be back in animal prison for trespassing, failure to pay their taxes, assaulting people—and each other, and for fucking and shitting all over the shitty, fuckin' place! Life is not Disney bullshit where the lions and pigs and... meerkats get together and sing songs. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jerry Vlasak''': I think that violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
:'''Penn''': '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Jerry Vlasak''': Violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
:'''Penn''': Sweet evil Jesus!  ''What did he say?''
:'''Jerry Vlasak''': Violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
:'''Penn''': &quot;Ethical,&quot; my achin' ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': The PETA you don't know would outlaw fishing, circuses, dog shows, horseback riding and zoos. They even oppose using service animals like eye-dogs for the blind. Fucking blind bastards torturing those dogs! In PETA, there's no room for Kentucky Fried Chicken, or the Kentucky Derby. See you, Shamu! And forget about smearing honey all over your fuck buddy, because even bees are persecuted by the man. And pets are forbidden in PETA's world too. That's right! No pets. Hey all you pet lovers who donate to PETA, feel like a sucker yet?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[On PETA's usage of Holocaust footage for its campaigns].''
:'''Dennis Prager''': We have a generation here in America, of young people, who don't know what evil is [''cf. generations past'']. They've never suffered. They don't know Nazism. They don't know Communism. They don't know torture. They don't know concentration camps. And so, they're so naive, that they think the worst evil is done to animals and the environment.

=== War on Drugs [2.04] ===

:'''Penn''': ''[Teller shows a pan]'' This is drugs. ''[Teller shows some eggs, with the description of several types of civil liberties written on them]'' These are your liberties. ''[cut to Penn on a steamroller]'' AND THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT.
:''[Penn runs a steamroller (&quot;the government&quot;) over the pan (&quot;drugs&quot;) and the eggs (&quot;civil liberties&quot;), crushing them.]''
:'''Penn''': Any questions?

=== Recycling [2.05] ===

:[''On recycling jobs, watching workers sort through garbage on a conveyor belt'']
:'''Penn''': [''sarcastically, shouting over the roaring machinery''] Man! These are GREAT FUCKING JOBS! If only we didn't have to be LAS VEGAS ENTERTAINERS and TV HOSTS!

=== The Bible: Fact or Fiction? [2.06] ===

:'''Penn''': It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Now why wouldn't God just ''appear'' to Pharaoh, and say it himself? Because God works in mysterious, inefficient, and ''breathtakingly'' cruel ways.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Monty Python's ''Life of Brian'' was more historically accurate than Mel Gibson's ''The Passion of the Christ''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''' ''[repeatedly]'': Elvis didn't do no drugs!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.
:* this statement is a rebuke to the famous assertion by [[William Cowper]]: &quot;God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm.&quot; 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Take some time and put the Bible on your summer reading list. Try and stick with it ''cover'' to ''cover''. Not because it teaches history; we've shown you it doesn't. Read it because you'll see for ''yourself'' what the Bible is all about. It ''sure'' isn't great literature. If it were published as fiction, no reviewer would give it a passing grade. There are some vivid scenes and some quotable phrases, but there's no plot, no structure, there's a tremendous amount of filler, and the characters are painfully one-dimensional. '''Whatever you do, don't read the Bible for a moral code: it advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition, and murder. Read it because: we need more atheists — and ''nothin' '' will get you there faster than readin' the damn Bible.'''

=== New Age [2.07] ===


:'''Penn''': Sedona, Arizona.  Home of beautiful red rock ass canyons, scenic desert landscapes... and every crystal-sucking, vortex-fucking asshole out to make a few bucks off of [[w:New Age|New Age]] hippie bullshit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Sasha Lessin &quot;explained&quot; the tantric sex.]''
:'''Penn''': See, even he doesn't believe it, he can't explain it, he just likes to FUCK!.

=== Profanity [2.10] ===

:&lt;span id=&quot;bowling-ball&quot;&gt;&lt;/span&gt;''[Penn and Teller return after a segment on anti-profanity advocate Ginny Foster, who suggests saying &quot;Santa vaca!&quot; instead.]''
:'''Penn''': &quot;Saint cow.&quot; So, she is literally saying, &quot;Holy cow!,&quot; in Spanish. But &quot;holy cow&quot; is a derogatory reference to the Hindu belief in the sacredness of cows. Ginny certainly doesn't ''believe'' in the holiness of cows, so taking ''that'' Lord's name in vain is perfectly acceptable. She doesn't buy the holy-cow myth. Therefore, if you didn't actually believe that Jesus is God—and most of the world doesn't—if you were, for example, a Hindu, shouting—
:''[Teller drops a bowling ball on Penn's foot.]''
:'''Penn''': … JESUS CHRIST'S! … ''name''… in a situation where you… or someone you know, ''somehow'', accidentally… dropped a bowling ball on your FOOT… would be, by Ginny's standards… perfectly polite. [''Penn looks like he wants to smack Teller.'']

===Hypnosis [2.13] ===
:&lt;span id=&quot;cinderblock&quot;&gt;&lt;/span&gt;''[Opening lines. Teller swings a clock on a string in front of Penn's face.]''
:'''Teller (off-screen)''': Your eyes are so heavy now, so heavy, they ''burn!'' Close them! Close them and feel yourself sinking down... ''down!'' [Teller puts the clock in his pocket and lays a cinder block on Penn's body] Feel your body tingling, and becoming absolutely rigid, rigid as a heavy wooden ''beam!'' [''Teller then grabs a sledgehammer''] And now, the tingling resumes, and you are feeling no... pain—
:''[As Teller is about to smash the cinderblock, Penn interrupts.]''
:'''Penn''': Hold the phone! Before we do this, let's make sure hypnotism isn't bullshit.

== Season 3 ==

=== Family Values [3.02] ===

:'''Penn''': The most frequent question we get asked about this show is, why would ''assholes'' like Brian Brown and Michael Medved come on a show called ''Bullshit!'' to get called &quot;assholes&quot;? We do not ''lie'' to them; we make sure they know all about the show. We give them copies of past shows, and it's always pretty clear which side of the issue we're gonna be on. The long answer is that people who come on this show generally consider themselves to be bulletproof. Most have never talked to ''anyone'' with a dissenting view, and ''certainly'' no one with a real research team, like ours. If you say something on our show, we check it. If you lie or make something up, we know. But we're fair—we never take people out of context. We're biased as all fuck, but we ''try'' to be honest. Now, that's the long answer. The short answer? ''[Penn and Teller shrug.]''

=== Conspiracy Theories [3.03] ===

:''[Penn speaks of the deaths during the [[w:September 11, 2001 attacks|September 11, 2001 attacks]].]''
:'''Penn''': And that's something we should ''never'' forget. But to conspiracy nuts, death and suffering… are just heart-pounding ''entertainment''. They whack to tragedy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eric Hoffschmidt''': My first reaction to Flight 93, was that the Military, after the towers had been hit, said &quot;Uh-oh... wait a minute. ''That's'' not part of the plan! What is ''that'' plane gonna do? Shoot it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Jimmy Walter|Jimmy Walter]]''': I firmly believe that most of the alleged passengers on the alleged hijacked planes are still alive and quite frankly, I think they were all probably working for the government. 
:'''Penn''': Fuck you! We really hope this fuck-up runs into a family member of someone who's died. They may not take kindly to the idea that Daddy's faking his death somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Penn &amp; Teller are mocking the Moon Landing Hoax Conspiracy on a stage set w/ Penn as director]''
:'''Penn''': CUT! Jesus fucking Christ, Neil! How many times do we have to try this? &quot;One small step for ''A'' man&quot;, not ''man''. ''A'' man! And that's YOU! Everybody take five. Neil, practice your fucking lines! Ooh yeah, let's use ''real'' pilots. I wanna use real pilots! [''to the camera''] Faking the Moon Landing is easy. You need dirt, wardrobe, a sound stage, a lot of black paints, and some stupid suits. The hard part is shutting people up. It's been 36 years! You'd think the technicians, and prop people, camera people, directors, everyone who works at NASA, and the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena, and all the nice folks at Cape Carnaval in Florida, plus members of the US Congress and the White House all shut up about this amazing cover-up for all that time?  The Government couldn't even fucking cover up a break-in to a psychiatrist's office in a fucking cheesy hotel! Watergate is the answer to all this shit. If they couldn't cover that up, they fucking can't do anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Clyde Lewis|Clyde Lewis]]''': Do you really think that one morning in November 1963, Lee Oswald just got up and said &quot;I'm gonna shoot the President today&quot;?
:'''Penn''': Yes, but that's not a very sexy answer!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': If the conspiracy [''to kill President Kennedy''] is so big and evil, why hasn't it killed Jim [Marrs]? And how did crazy Oliver Stone's movie [''JFK (1991)''] ever come out?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Vincent Bugliosi|Vincent Bugliosi]]''': Instinctively, people find it incongruous that this could all happen as the result of the coincidental meeting of the President and a lone nut. They feel that a greater conspiracy has to be involved.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Second gunman my aching ass!

=== Life Coaching [3.04] ===

:'''Penn''': We don't know what the &quot;center of our being&quot; really is, but we hope it's chocolate cream!

=== Holier than Thou [3.05] ===

:'''Penn''': I sure hope Hell is bullshit, too, 'cause if not, we are going there for this one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Penn compares [[w:Tibet|Tibet]] under Chinese rule vs. the [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]]'s rule.]''
:'''Penn''': &quot;Since Mr. Lama has been run out of Tibet, the Chinese have introduced secular education, running water and electricity so maybe life is a bit better on the ground there. Of course, the Chinese have also thrown thousands in labor camps and prisons, stomped out as much free speech as possible, and there's that whole fucked up Communism bullshit. But if you ask Tenzin Gyatso, dba Lama—what is it with these holy people and their aliases? His Holiness will tell you that he ''must'' return to power &quot;for the good of his people.&quot; In this case, &quot;good&quot; may translate into his people living in squalor and his government condoning slavery. Remember, the lesser of two evils… is still evil. And the enemy of my enemy... is not my friend.&quot;

=== College [3.06] ===

:'''Penn''': We're ''all'' offended, all the time, and we don't have a fucking right ''not'' to be offended! A free country is a marketplace of ideas, and college should be ''more'' free, not less.

:'''Penn''': Americans believe everybody deserves freedom to move up in the world. That's a great thing. But if moving up means spending four years in a beer commercial run by politeness police, maybe you should think twice.

:'''Alan Kors''': What universities are saying by these codes, special protections and double standards to women, to blacks, to Hispanics, to gay and lesbian students, is: &quot;You are too weak to live with freedom. You are too weak to live with the [[First Amendment]].&quot; If someone tells you are too weak to live with freedom, they have turned you into a child.

=== Big Brother [3.07] ===

:''[Penn discusses the 2001 [[w:USA PATRIOT Act|Patriot Act]].]''
:'''Penn''': The lawmakers ''didn't even read the law'' before they passed it. Assholes! All that protects us from their ''evil'' is their incompetence.

:''[Penn discusses the 2001 [[w:USA PATRIOT Act|Patriot Act]].]''
:'''Penn (voiceover)''': We can get more federal agents. Wow. What do we have to give in return?
:''[cut to penn and teller]''
:'''Penn''': We have to give the government more power, but what power? The patriot act is &quot;an act to deter and punish terrorist acts in the United States and around the world, to enhance law enforcement investigatory tools, and for other purposes&quot;. Other purposes? What the fuck is that all about? Other purposes. You shouldn't even allow that kind of loose language in a fucking gym membership contract.

=== Gun Control [3.09] ===
:'''Penn''': You can't stop an insane person from doing insane things by passing insane laws.
:'''Penn''': You see maybe Mr. Smug can call the police against a gang banger, but who does he call against the police?

=== Ghostbusters [3.10] ===

:''[Penn tells a campfire ghost-story version of the Texas ghost investigators' hotel experience.]''
:'''Penn''': And then, the [[w:Pseudoscience|pseudo-scientists]] dressed in leather stumbled ''clumsily'' around the well-lit bedroom. One of them said, the night before, she felt a presence. And the other two… ''believed'' her! A battery… went ''dead''. And then the video screen got… got a little weird for a few seconds. They took ''lots and lots'' of pictures, and weeks later, when they were developed, a couple of them had [[w:Lens flare|lens flare]], and they didn't remember fucking up the pictures! And then, the electromagnetic gizmo, that they hadn't calibrated at ''all''… (Dramatic voice) WENT FROM ''&quot;3&quot;'' TO ''&quot;7&quot;''! (Teller faints)

== Season 4 ==

=== Boy Scouts [4.01] ===
:'''Penn''': You'd think our Bullshit! experiment would settle the whole &quot;gay&quot; thing.  But then there's ''this'' asshole!
:'''Hans Zyger''': As the homosexual movement became much more entrenched into American culture starting in the late 60's...it really became an opportunity for pedophiles to make a mass assault on the [[Boy Scouts]].
:'''Penn''': Fuck you in the neck, mother fucker!

=== Cryptozoology [4.04] ===

:''[Penn introduces the subject after mentioning a few examples.]''
: '''Penn''': These people call what they do &quot;[[w:cryptozoology|cryptozoology]]&quot; — &quot;-[[w:zoology|zoology]]&quot; meaning &quot;the study of animals&quot;, and &quot;[[wikt:crypto-|crypto-]]&quot; meaning &quot;shit we made up&quot;.

=== Pet Love [4.06] ===
:'''Penn''': Our pal Dino has a Woman/Cat theory. With each additional cat over two, the crazy increases exponentially. 3 cats, 27 times as crazy. 4 cats, 256 times. By the time you get to 78 cats, you have all the crazy in the free world. 

:''[Penn closes the show.]''
: '''Penn''': There are so many people in the world who need our help, that it's ''sickening'' to spend all this money on pets. What about people? Couldn't all the money spent for fake dog balls, diamond collars, and cat food be spent to help people? Sure it could! But I have original mono copies of [[Bob Dylan]]'s early albums ''[…]'' Teller has an original bondage cross and handcuffs that [[Harry Houdini|Houdini]] owned ''[…]'' We both spend three ''bucks'' for a cup of coffee, and live in houses that are ''way'' more than our families need. All that money could ''certainly'' go to helping people, too. Pets are more bullshit that people waste money on. But fuck, we're in [[English proverbs#glass-houses|glass houses]] on this one.

=== Reparations [4.07] ===

:''[In the segment on American Indians, Penn reviews past wrongs.]''
: '''Penn''': The white man gave Indians blankets laced with smallpox, massacred them, broke every treaty they signed, and stole their land. And let's not forget ''[[w:F Troop|F Troop]]''.

=== Manners [4.08] ===

:''[Teller entertains diner guests with a floating bread roll trick while Penn continues.]''
:'''Penn''': Manners are habits we can cultivate to help us remain considerate of others, even when we're not thinking about it. Of course, ''real'' thoughtful consideration for others can ''easily'' replace manners. Teller considers that our guests might like to see how the trick works. Thank you, Teller.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': In a recent poll, eight out of ten Americans said rudeness is a serious problem. The other two told our pollster to fuck off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. John Mayer''': My postulate is that people are rude—
:'''Penn''': Oh! There it is! Thank you, folks! Good night, everybody!
:[''The credits roll, but then cut back to the show'']
:'''Penn''': What? There's more show? Damn!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': If you're in a restaurant with a tablecloth, you do not eat a hamburger with your fingers. Rather, you take your knife, cut it in half, and eat one half.
:'''Penn''': (voice over) Have some self-respect, Gloria. If the chef at this world-class restaurant thought his hamburger would be better eaten in halves, he would have ''cut the fucking sandwich himself!! You ignorant, self-serving, kill-joy, nit-picking, burger-cutting bitch!!'' Whore! Asshole! Cunt.

=== Abstinence [4.10] ===

:''[The scene cuts to a woman walking through a parking lot carrying large manila shipping envelopes.]''
:'''Penn''': To learn about abstinence, we told our producer we wanted to talk to a woman with really… huge… envelopes.  He's foreign.  He didn't know that in America, every plural noun means &quot;tits&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[Joycelyn Elders]]''': I'm against abstinence programs because I really consider &quot;abstinence only&quot; child abuse.
:'''Penn''': Oh, SNAP.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Today, a disturbing 35% of our school districts require that abstinence be taught as the ''only'' option for teens. Even worse, these programs prohibit the discussion of contraception, unless it's about that ''stupid'' small percentage of time when it doesn't work. Fuck! When did Washington turn into the Vatican?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Steve Trombley, Chicago president/CEO of [[w:Planned Parenthood|Planned Parenthood]], talks about &quot;abstinence only&quot; programs.]''
:'''Steve Trombley''': I think, in fact, we should really call it &quot;ignorance only&quot; education.
: . . .
:'''Steve Trombley''': We teach abstinence in every course we do…
:'''Penn''': ''[voiceover]'' Yeah! Planned Parenthood tells kids not having sex is okay, too! The difference is they realize that kids don't fucking listen.
:'''Steve Trombley''': But we also live in the real world, and we know that over half of teenagers in this country engage in sexual activity.
:''[Cut back to Elders.]''
:'''Joycelyn Elders''': We've tried ignorance for a thousand years. It's time we try education.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Now, we're not saying you should have sex because so many other people are. We're saying you should make your ''own'' rules, decide what's good for ''you'', based on what you ''think'' is important. And don't let ''anything'' be thrust into you against your will — not a ''dick'', and not someone else's psycho-religious kink.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': So what have we learned? The U.S. government continues to dump hundreds of millions of our dollars a year into misleading, religion-based, anti-sex education. The only good thing about the program? It doesn't work. Most kids just ignore it. Sure, we're throwing away ''money'', but only really religious kids are hurt by it. Our religion-based government can't fuck us up on this because bullshit detection is written into our genes. The sex switch gets turned on at puberty, and no matter how much government or religion twists the truth, they're fighting the honest beauty of love and sex. That's like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

== Season 5 ==

=== Obesity [5.01] ===

:''[Penn talks about how people should not try to stop eating because we are wired to eat.]''
:'''Penn''': If you have the willpower to overcome several billion years of evolution, cool, more for the rest of us. And you can stop fucking too, cool, more for the rest of us. Thanks.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': You know, our pal [[Marvin Minsky]], pioneer of Artificial Intelligence at MIT, says: &quot;I don't work out because we don't know yet enough about the long-term effects. It appears that each hour of exercise may add two hours to one's life - but I don't know of any evidence that this leads to getting better ideas.&quot;

=== Wal-Mart [5.02] ===
:''[A hippie scene, while Teller is painting a Wal-Mart vest on a woman's otherwise bared torso]''
:'''Penn''': Now hold on, this isn't some Wal-Mart lovefest.  Sometimes, they're really assholes when they want to be.  In 2000, Wal-Mart reportedly paid $50 million to settle a [[lawsuit]] filed in Colorado by 69,000 workers who had been forced to work off the clock.  In December 2005, Wal-Mart had to pay $172 million to 116,000 California employees for not giving them their legally mandated 30-minute lunch breaks.  So that's at least, uhh... 185,000 people who had a legitimate beef. And, uhh... don't spread it around, but I'm kind of, sort of a Target guy myself.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': The fight to stop Wal-Mart has happened in small towns and big cities alike, all across the country.  We went to one of those towns: Greenfield, Massachusetts, population 18,000.  Greenfield is not just &quot;Everyone's Hometown&quot;. It is, most importantly, ''my'' hometown.

=== Detoxing [5.04] ===

:''[Penn stresses the importance of colon cancer screening, while displaying images from his own colonoscopy.]''
:'''Penn''': And then there's ''this'' asshole... Sometimes it must seem like I'm talking out my asshole. This time, I literally am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[After hearing a colonic irrigation &quot;therapist&quot; say that a colonic irrigation treatment cleans out junk that lodges in a subject's colon]''
:'''Penn''': That's bullshit. Your colon is not an English muffin. It doesn't have nooks and crannies. If we didn't put Chris through all this stupid shit today, he would've simply shat out all that shit tomorrow. It's as easy as that.

=== Exorcism [5.05] ===

:''[A videotape of an exorcism is shown.  On video, the minister prays over the subject, pours oil on his head, and then throws a bucket of water over him.]''
:'''Penn''':'' (Voiceover)'' Apparently these demons are vulnerable to a splash of olive oil.  Maybe they're made of low density lipoproteins?
:'''Subject''': ''[on video]'' Ugggh!  Get away from me! You motherfucking asshole!
:'''Penn''':'' (Voiceover)'' Took the words right out of my mouth.


=== Immigration [5.06] ===
&lt;!-- spelling / grammar mistakes in the subtitles have been reproduced verbatim – PLEASE DO NOT CORRECT --&gt;

:''[Two Hispanic men looking like Penn &amp; Teller come up to the camera. The subtitles are in the corresponding (inaccurate) translation of the language - English subtitles for spoken Spanish, Spanish subtitles for spoken English]'' 
:'''Faux Penn''': Me llamo Penn Jillette, y éste es mi socio Teller. ¿Qué chingados está pensando este güey? Los inmigrantes tomamos los trabajos que nadie quiere hacer y eso mejora--
:''[Translation: My name is Penn Jillette and this is my partner, Teller. What the fuck is that asshole thinking? &quot;Illegal&quot; immigrants are taking the jobs that no one wants to do and that's quickly improving our way of life.]''
:'''Penn''': What the fuck? What the fucking fuck? What the f— get the fuck out of here! These are our jobs! What the— what the fuck? Star! These are our jobs!
:''[Translation: ¡Largate de aqui! ¡Estos son nos trabajos! ¡Star! ¡Estos son nos trabajos!]''
:'''Star''': ''[off camera]'' But the other guys are cheaper!
:''[Translation: Pero los otros tipos son mas baratos.]''
:'''Penn''': You are so fucking fired. And turn off this subtitle shit! This is America!
:''[Translation: Estas tan despedido, pendejo. ¡Apaga ese pinche subtitulo. Estamos en los Estados Unidos!]''
:''[Teller kicks the subtitle header, it veers off view]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Faux Penn''': Mientras América ofrezca la libertad y la oportunidad, las personas vendrán aquí con las rodillas manchadas de sangre. ¡Simón, güey! Como sus abuelos o bisabuelos lo hicieron. Una persona valiente para dejar su casa, la tradición, y la familia, para venir a América y trabajar para una mejor vida, para él o para ella misma y su familia, deberán de recibirlos con los pinches brazos abiertos.
:''[Translation: As long as America offers freedom and opportunity, people will come here on bloodied knees. Fuck yeah! Just like your parents or great grandparents did. A person brave enough to leave home, tradition, and family, to come to America and work for a better life, for him or herself and his or her family, should be welcomed with open fucking arms.]''
:'''Penn''': And if you can mow lawn, or build fences, or juggle, or do tricks, or write comedy better or cheaper than what we've got, we'll hire your fucking ass. And will use all the time and money and effort you're saving us to-- to live a little. And you know, it's still our names on the fucking show. See, I told you we'd get tits in the show somehow.
:''[Translation: Y si tu corta cespedes o costruye las cercas, o juegos malabares o, hace las artimanas o escribe la comedia mejor o mas barata que lo que hemos obtenido, emplearemos la bola de cabrones. Y utilizaremos todo el tiempo y el dinero el esfuerzo que salvas, a vivir un poco. Y tu sabes, todavia estan nuestros nombres en el show. Ya ves, que de alguna manera los agaramos.]''

=== Handicap Parking [5.07] ===

:'''Penn''': &quot;Provide a Clear and Comprehensive National Mandate for the Elimination of Discrimination Against Individuals with Disablities.&quot; That's what the [[w:Americans_with_Disabilities_Act_of_1990|Americans with Disabilities Act]] says it's gonna do. What the fucking fuck? What is wrong with us? Have we all gone fucking crazy? We think the government is so good at what it does, the war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on war. The government is so fucking good at that, they can fucking do anything? They can make us all physically equal, they can heal the lame, they can make the fucking blind fucking see! How about the government sticks to courts, police, defense, and corruption, and leaves compassion to people that fucking have that! Motherfuckers!

=== Mount Rushmore [5.08] ===

:'''Penn''': Decadence is a freedom with a smile.

=== Anger Management [5.10] ===

:'''Howard Richmond''': It sounds a little pompous, but I do believe that I have a gift to tune into people. Some people would refer to it like I'm the psychic pianist.
:'''Penn''': It's not pompous to say you're psychic. It's BULLSHIT TO SAY YOU'RE PSYCHIC!! But I digress. I'm not angry.

== Season 7 ==

=== Orgasms [7.01] ===

:''[talking to an orgasm session participant who just met his partner 20 minutes ago]''
:'''Participant''':  We can get very intimate very quickly by doing this without going through long conversation and the usual uh, challenge that people, you know, through words.
:'''Penn''': Ahhh, wait. I have a Dickwad to English dictionary here... he means, uh, &quot;who actually wants to go through the hassle of having to actually talk to the bitch?&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Uh-oh. Looks like there's trouble at Orgasmo University.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': It takes a woman twenty minutes to reach orgasm. It takes a man two minutes. What other fucking proof do you need that there's no god?

=== Astrology [7.02] ===

:'''Penn''': Astrology is a 4000 year old form of bullshit that postulates a mystical correspondence between your destiny and the position the sun and moon were in when you were born.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penn''': Just because Charles didn't help her doesn't mean astrology is always wrong.
:'''Phil Plait''': No matter how you slice it, astrology is wrong.
:'''Penn''': Oh.

=== Video Games [7.03] ===

:''[Teller, wearing a high school letter jacket, plays on a computer while a group of students and cheerleaders cheer him on.]''
:'''Penn''': Next time you feel like worrying about fake violent video games, try a little [[wikt:gedankenexperiment|gedankenexperiment]]: imagine that video games were invented 100 years ''before'' football.  Picture school video game teams and uniforms and hot-ass cheerleaders with big, bouncing pom-poms.  Now imagine after 100 years of extracurricular video game fun, ''football'' is invented and introduced to schools.  Thousands of kids get real, no kidding, no fantasy, no make-believe broken knees, legs, ankles, cervical trauma, heatstroke, and concussions! ''[Throughout Penn's injury list, the crowd quiets, eventually becoming totally silent.]''  ... What would parents do?  From 1931 to 2007, 650 kids ''died''... from injuries they suffered playing football. This is not video game violence — this is ''real'' violence done to ''real'' children by other real children, all encouraged by schools and society. Every parent worries about his or her kids; every adult worries about all children, but you need to pick what you think is worth worrying about.

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0346369}}
[[Category:Libertarian television and radio shows]]
[[Category:American documentary TV shows]]
[[Category:Showtime shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Simpsons Movie</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T07:38:29Z</timestamp>
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{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons Movie|The Simpsons Movie]]''''' is a [[w:2007 film|2007 film]] based on ''[[The Simpsons]]'' television series.
:''Directed by [[David Silverman]]. Written by [[James L. Brooks]], [[Matt Groening]], [[w:Al Jean|Al Jean]], [[w:Ian Maxtone-Graham|Ian Maxtone-Graham]], [[w:George Meyer|George Meyer]], [[w:David Mirkin|David Mirkin]], [[w:Mike Reiss|Mike Reiss]], [[w:Mike Scully|Mike Scully]], [[w:Matt Selman|Matt Selman]], [[w:John Swartzwelder|John Swartzwelder]], and [[w:Jon Vitti|Jon Vitti]].'' This film was released July 27, 2007 in United States.
{{center|'''See our family, and feel better about yours.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]==
* ''[whips dogs while using them for dog-sledding]'' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! ''[jumps from one slope to the other side]'' Jump! Jump! Land! Land! ''[while dogs rest]'' Rest! Rest! ''[while dogs running again]'' Run! Run! ''[after stopping for the night]'' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put all that behind us and just- ''[the dogs maul him]'' That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs abandon him]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
*''[sings while playing with his pig]''
:Spider Pig. Spider Pig.
:Does whatever a Spider Pig does.
:Can he swing from a web?
:No, he can't. He's a pig.
:Look out!
:He is a Spider Pig.

== [[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]] ==
* Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
* What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
* ''[watching ad]'' That's where Springfield is!
* Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, &quot;Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.&quot;
* EPA, EPA! It's all come true.

== [[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]] ==
* You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
* Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
* Eh, just passing the time.
* Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.
* But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
* ''[poking mutant squirrel's eyes]'' Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

== [[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]] ==
*''[Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]'' I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an ''[with a heavy Irish accent]'' Irish brogue! ''[In normal voice]'' No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!

== Russ Cargill ==
* Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
* Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
* That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
* You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
* I was tricked by an idiot!
* ''[Last Lines]'' Well, you always leave ‘em laughing. Goodbye, sir.

== [[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]] ==
* So...you want some of my [[w:Electricity|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

== [[w:Professor Frink|Professor Frink]] ==
* ''[Springfield has been trapped inside a dome]''
* People! I have an important announcement. I have been working on a new acid-firing super-drill that can cut through anything. ''[pointing]'' It's right there...just outside of the dome.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Ralph sings Fox signature and the pictures panoramas to the moon where a spaceship lands and Scratchy comes out.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' We come in peace, for cats and mice everywhere.
:''[Itchy harm Scratchy with an American flag, laughs and crazy his helmet. Itchy travels back to Earth with Scratchy space-rocket. In the front page of &quot;The Washington Post&quot; says &quot;Mouse Hero Returns This Everything To Save Cat&quot;. Itchy gets honored and get at parade.]''
:'''Itchy:''' Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out.
:''[Itchy becomes president and sit and eat cheese in the White House and hear scratchy calling.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' Itchy.... Itchy....
:''[Itchy look at the moon on with a binoculars and sees Itchy holding a sign saying &quot;I'm telling&quot;. Itchy gets worried and gets an idea. He targeting nuclear missiles by &quot;mistake&quot; to the moon and Scratchy explodes. Homer stands up.]''
:'''Homer:''' BORING!
:''[The Simpsons family are in a theater.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, we can't see the movie.
:'''Homer:''' I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker, '''''especially'' YOU!'''
:''[Homer pointing to the viewer and the image becomes wider.]''
:'''Chorus''': The Simpsons.
:'''Professor Frink:''' ''[singing]'' Movie, on the big screen!
:''[The opening scene appears, similar to the episodes.]''
:''[In Springfield Lake are Green Day playing The Simpsons Theme and the crowd cheers. Comic Book Guy is carried but is released into the ground.]''
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Excuse me! My heinie is dipping.
:''[The music ends.]''
:'''Billie Joe:''' ''[first words in Green Day]'' All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
:''[Silence occurs and the crowd throwing bottles at them and boo them.]''
:'''Carl:''' Oh, you suck! Shut up and play!
:'''Barney:''' Preachy!
:'''Mike:''' We're not being preachy!
:'''Tré Cool:''' But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
:'''Lisa:''' I thought they touched on a vital issue.
:'''Moe:''' I beg to differ.
:'''Tré Cool:''' Oh!
:'''Mike:''' ''[last words in Green Day]'' Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
:''[Green Day starts playing Nearer, My God, to Thee and the barge sinks. Lisa looks worried.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the church of Springfield a funeral version of &quot;American Idiot&quot; is playing.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' For the latest rock band to die in our town Lord, hear our prayer.
:'''The group:''' Lord, hear our prayer.
:''[Outside the church are the Simpsons family coming.]''
:'''Marge:''' I hate being late!
:'''Homer:''' Well, I hate going! Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my deathbed?
:'''Marge:''' Homer, they can hear you inside!
:'''Homer:''' Relax, those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
:''[The Simpson family coming in and the audience staring at them. The family goes and sits down.]''
:'''Homer:''' How ya doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus!
:''[Bart plays ''Baby Blast''. Maggie takes out the game card.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now today I'd like to try something a little different. I'm going to call on one of you!
:''[Reverend Lovejoy points to the audience, they all cower down in fear, who gasp in shock, Barney screams, then cower.]&quot;''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit...
:''[Ned raises his hand.]''
:'''Ned:''' Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[unhappily, sighs]'' What is it, Ned?
:'''Ned:''' The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.
:''[Homer keeps fingers crossed and whispers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
:'''Ned:''' An immodest sense of pride in our community.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[annoyed]'' Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out...!
:''[Grampa is sleeping and wakes up when the sun hits his head and gets up and acts weird.]''
:'''Abe Simpson:''' Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen! ''[Comic Book Guy is filming that with his cell phone.]'' And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you! Whoa, Nelly! People of Springfield, HEED THIS WARNING! Twisted tail! A ''thousand eyes''! '''''TRAPPED FOREVER!.'''''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, do something!
:''[Homer flicks through the &quot;Holy Bible&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' But this book doesn't have any answers!
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[yelling, slowly]'' Beware, ''BEWARE''! Time is short, '''EPA!! EPA!!! ''EEEEEEPAAAAAA!!!!!!!''''' Believe me! '''''BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!''' [Homer rolls up the church rug around his father and carries him out the door] [cheerfully]'' Thanks for listening.
:''[The Simpsons family goes out the church with Grampa rolled in the rug and go to the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Okay, who wants waffles?
:'''Bart, Lisa and Grampa:''' I do, I do, I do!
:'''Marge:''' Wait a minute. What about Grampa?
:'''Bart:''' I want syrup!
:'''Lisa:''' I want strawberries!
:'''Marge:''' Something happened to that man.
:'''Homer:''' I'll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it.
:''[Homer kisses Grampa on the forehead.]''
:'''Marge:''' What is the point of going to church every Sunday when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I want bananas on my waffles!
:'''Homer:''' I rest my case.
:''[The family arrives, Marge goes out of the car first and then the others except Grampa.]''
:'''Marge:''' I'm not dropping this.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Wait a minute, I'm still in the car.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer looks at his list of chores. He ticks off &quot;Go to church&quot; and looks at &quot;Take out the hornets' Nest&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hmm. Take out hornets' nest.
:''[Homer takes down the hornets' nest and put it in Flanders mailbox.]''
:'''Homer:''' Check. Fix sinkhole.
:''[Homer is in the garden and put the sandbox and Maggie over the sinkhole.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''Check. Re-shingle roof?''
:''[Homer and Bart are on the ceiling and Homer tries to repair the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Owww! Owww!
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye and Bart laughs.]'' 
:'''Homer:''' Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
:''[Homer strangles Bart.]''
:'''Bart:''' You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
:'''Homer:''' What kind of fun?
:'''Bart:''' How about a dare contest?
:'''Homer:''' That sounds fun. I dare you to climb the TV antenna!
:''[Bart climbs up to the antenna]''
:'''Bart:''' Piece of cake.
:'''Homer:''' Earthquake!
:''[Homer shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe.]''
:'''Homer:''' Aftershock!
:''[Homer shakes again.]''
:'''Ned:''' Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino?
:'''Homer:''' Shut up, Flanders.
:'''Bart:''' Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
:'''Homer:''' Well said, boy.
:''[Homer and Bart high five and Homer prepares to hammer Bart's fingers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Steady....
:''[He falls through the roof and Bart laughs. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazine. Lisa is in the neighborhood, knocking on doors to talk about Springfield Lake. However, every time she is denied.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev...
:'''Women:''' Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
:'''Lisa:''' Lake Springfield—
:''[Lisa sighs. Martin, his parents, Bumblebee Man, his dog, and the Sea Captain close and lock their doors, and the Sea Captain drives away with his houseboat.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want.
:'''Lisa:''' Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.
:'''Milhouse:''' Hey, I am VERY passionate about the Planet!
:'''Nelson:''' ''[threatening to punch Milhouse]'' Say Global Warming is a myth!
:'''Milhouse:''' It's a myth, further study is needed!
:''[Nelson knocks down Milhouse.]''
:'''Nelson:''' That's for selling out your beliefs!
:''[Nelson storms off. Lisa goes to console him but quickly notices someone else to talk about the environment.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, poor Milhouse.
:'''Milhouse:''' Dream coming true...
:'''Colin:''' Are you aware that a leaky facet can waste over—
:'''Lisa:''' Two thousand gallons a year?
:'''Colin:''' And turning off lights can save—
:'''Lisa:''' Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
:'''Colin:''' And if we just kept our thermostats at 68 in winter—
:'''Lisa:''' We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!
:'''Colin:''' I'm Colin.
:'''Lisa:''' I haven't seen you at school.
:'''Colin:''' Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
:'''Lisa:''' Is he...?
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' I just thought, because you're Irish and you care about...
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' Do you play?
:'''Colin:''' Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[thinking in echo]'' He's pure gold. For once in your life. be cool.
:'''Colin:''' So is your name as pretty as your face?
:''[Lisa gets embarrassed and faints.]''
:'''Colin:''' You okay there?
:''[Marge watch the recording as Comic Book Guy did and write down what Grampa said.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[in video]'' Twisted tail, A thousand eyes, TRAPPED FOREVER!!! EPA, EPA!!!
:'''Marge:''' EPA, what could that be?
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. '''EEE-PAH!'''
:'''Marge:''' Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Out in the garden, Bart is shooting Homer with a BB gun while Homer carries around bricks. A Fox commercial appears at the bottom.]''
:'''Homer:''' D'oh! D'oh! Why did I suggest this?
:''[Timer rings.]''
:'''Homer:''' All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back... ''[Bart picks up his skateboard]'' ''naked''!
:'''Bart:''' How naked?
:'''Homer:''' Fourth base.
:'''Bart:''' But girls might see my doodle.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you'll wake up to &quot;Good morning, chicken.&quot; At your wedding, I'll sing... ''[sings ''Here Comes the Bride'' with chicken voice]'' Bawk Bawk Ba-Bawk, Bawk Bawk Bawk-
:''[Bart sets off through town on his skateboard naked.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bawk?
:''[The last note Homer sings in the chicken song has its pitch raised as Homer sees Bart.]''
:'''Ralph:''' I like men now!
:''[Agnes urges residents not to look at Bart's private parts.]''
:'''Agnes Skinner:''' Don't look where I'm pointing!
:''[The police see that Bart is naked and start to chase him.]''
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Stop in the name of American squeamishness!
:''[Lou fires a shot. It hits the wheel of Bart's skateboard. The skateboard comes to a halt and Bart flies off through the air. The scene switches to Ned, Rod and Todd eating at Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
:''[Bart flies on to the window, with Ned's french fry covering his private parts.]''
:'''Ned:''' '''...PENIS!!'''
:'''Rod and Todd:''' Bountiful penis.
:'''Todd:''' Amen.
:''[Eddie and Lou scrape Bart's body off the window of Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Lou:''' Uh, listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, But, you know, it's the law.
:''[Lou takes Bart down from the window and straps him naked to a lamp-post.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Lunchtime!
:'''Bart:''' You can't just leave me out here.
:'''Lou:''' Don't worry, we found a friend for you to play with.
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw! Haw haw! Haw haw!
:''[It becomes evening, and Nelson starts to get tired of laughing.]''
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw... Haaw... haw... Haaw... haw.
:''[Mrs. Muntz walks up to Nelson.]''
:'''Mrs. Muntz:''' Nelson, honey, where have you been? ''[she sees Bart]'' Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
:''[Homer drives up to Krusty Burger in his car.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad!
:'''Homer:''' What seems to be the problem, officers?
:'''Bart:''' Tell him you dared me to do it!
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.
:''[Homer comes out of the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[slowly]'' And what happens to me if it's my fault?
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.
:'''Homer:''' It was all his idea! He's out of control, I tell you! ''[pretends to cry]'' I'm at my wits' end! It's so....
:''[Bart glares.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' See you in court, kid.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
:'''Bart:''' Did you at least bring my clothes?
:''[Homer gives him his shirt and socks.]''
:'''Homer:''' Shirt, socks, everything you need.
:'''Bart:''' You didn't bring my pants!
:'''Homer:''' Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
:'''Bart:''' This is the worst day of my life...
:'''Homer:''' The worst day of your life ''so far''!
:''[Homer and Bart go into the Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Say, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' What do you want, Flanders?
:'''Ned:''' If you need pants, I carry an extra pair, I mean. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees.
:''[Ned gives him pants.]''
:'''Bart:''' Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.
:'''Ned:''' We're neighbors. I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.
:''[Homer steals french fries from Flanders.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thank you.
:''[Homer eats a hamburger noisily.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, what's with you?
:''[As he asks, he accidently spits on Bart. Bart wipes it off, annoyed.]''
:'''Bart:''' You really wanna know?
:'''Homer:''' Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about... ''[sees a pig wearing a chef hat]'' ...a pig wearing a hat!
:''[Krusty is starring in a commercial, holding a burger.]''
:'''Director:''' Action.
:'''Krusty:''' Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, with my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. lf you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
:''[Krusty laughs and munches on the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty''': Mmm!
:'''Director:''' And we're clear.
:''[Krusty spits out the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
:''[A knife is raised to the pig. It squeals.]''
:'''Homer:''' What...?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
:''[The song ''Happy Together'' plays and Homer imagines his life with the pig.]''
:'''Homer:''' You're coming home with me.
:''[In the kitchen [[Maggie Simpson|Maggie]] plays ''Baby Blast''.]''
:'''Marge:''' ''A thousand eyes.'' What could that be?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.
:''[Homer comes in and shows after a while the pig. Marge looks at the words as she wrote down as Grampa said in the church.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
:'''Marge:''' Actually, it's aged me horribly.
:'''Homer:''' Then say hello to the newest Simpson.
:''[Marge gasps and spots the &quot;twisted tail&quot; on the pig, the first part of Grampa's warning.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer! ''[Homer and pig were in carrot. He walks to Homer and pig eats his carrots.]'&quot; I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you're gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you.
:''[The Pig screams.]''
:'''Homer:''' You nailed her. He also does me.
:''[The Pig burps. Marge laughing.]''
:'''Homer:''' You smiled. I'm off the hook.
:''[Homer is in Bart's room and chambers the pig's hair.]''
:'''Homer''': Oh.
: ''[Homer humming in last chambers the pig's hair. In outside are Bart and looking on them.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you have so many looks.
:''[Bart sighs and she Ned put to sleep his children.]''
:'''Bart:''' So that's what snug is.
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Homer makes fart sounds on the pig's stomach.]''
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Bart is aiming his slingshot against Homer, but stops when he hears Ned some are by the window.]''
:'''Ned:''' Rough day, huh, son?
:'''Bart:''' You don't know what rough is, sister.
:'''Ned:''' Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing?
:''[Bart thinks of when he was fishing with Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
:'''Homer:''' If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity.
:''[Homer stops an electrician fly trap in the water and the fish float to the surface.]''
:'''Homer:''' I think I have a nibble. ''[eats a fish then gets electrocuted]''
:'''Bart:''' I think fishing might be more fun with you.
:'''Ned:''' Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa?
:'''Bart:''' No way. Cocoa's for wusses.
:'''Ned:''' Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.
:''[When Ned went off takes Bart the mug with cocoa that Ned did and eats it in the garden.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, my God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge cleans the floor in the hallway and then sees that it is dirty on the ceiling.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part! He loves the environment! Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's got an Irish brogue! No, no, wait, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's not imaginary!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
:''[Homer let the pig go in the ceiling.]''
:'''Homer:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig.
:''[Bart and Ned are fishing.]''
:'''Bart:''' Are we having fun yet?
:'''Ned:''' We are now. You've got a bite.
:'''Bart:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bart drops the pole and Bart begins to strangle himself.]''
:'''Ned:''' Oh, no, my good pole!
:'''Bart:''' ''[chokes but then stops]'' Huh? You're not strangling me.
:'''Ned:''' What the? Strangling's only good for.... Well, it's not good for anything. I think the only time you should lay hands on a boy is if you're give him a good old pat on the back.
:''[Ned gives Bart a pat on the back and Bart wants him to do it again.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hey, what the hell are you? Ah. One more time.
:''[In the lake loses Krusty the flop sweat, Crazy Cat Lady washes the cats and Moe empty bottles and Barney in the lake.]''
:'''Barney:''' Honey, I'm home.
:''[Lisa sees it and gets angry and destroys her poster. In Springfield Town Hall is &quot;Lisa Simpson Presents: An Irritating Truth&quot;.]''
:'''Lisa:''' We are at the tipping point, people. If we don't do something now....
:''[Colin plays on a guitar.]''
:'''Lisa:''' I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Agreed.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay, so here's the bottom line: If we don't change our ways right now pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level.
:''[Lisa starts a scissor lift some stops quickly.]''
:'''Lenny:''' That's not so bad.
:'''Lisa:''' No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone?
:''[The lift goes up and down.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Hell, yeah. We need a new one of those things.
:'''Joe Quimby:''' All in favor of a new, scissor lift, say ''aye.''
:'''Group:''' Aye.
:'''Lisa:''' No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
:''[The audiences spits out the water.]''
:'''Moe:''' This is why we should hate kids!
:'''Joe Quimby:''' This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black.
:'''Lenny:''' Black? That's the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
:'''Carl Carlson:''' I get it all the time.
:''[The lake emptied of littering. The newspaper &quot;Springfield Shopper&quot; it says &quot;Springfield Clean Up Act.&quot; Fat Tony and his fellow conspirators come with a carpet that he intends to dump.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
:'''Fat Tony:''' Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.
:'''Lou:''' Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' I thought that too, until he said ''yard trimmings.'' You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
:''[A wall is around the lake.]''
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. Cletus.
:'''Cletus:''' Yessum?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Try to dump something in the lake.
:'''Cletus:''' Okay.
:''[Cletus tries to dump a possum in the lake but the wall keeps blocking him.]''
:'''Cletus:''' I can't. I simply can't.
:'''Builder #1:''' Brilliant.
:'''Builder #2:''' Very effective.
:''[Homer and Spider-Pig watching TV where Bumblebee Man gets a kiss from a donkey for a Peso, and speak Spanish.]''
:'''Bumblebee Man:''' Ay ay ay! Un burro amoroso!
:'''Homer:''' Don't get any ideas. Huh?
:''[Pig and Homer laughs and Marge enters.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension.
:'''Marge:''' What's going on here?
:'''Homer:''' Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Marge:''' I'm not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings?
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry. I've devised a most elegant solution.
:''[Homer shows a silo with faeces on the property.]''
:'''Marge:''' Oh, it's leaking.
:'''Homer:''' It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
:'''Marge:''' He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
:'''Homer:''' Well, I helped.
:''[Homer thinks of a monkey some forces him to listen to Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy for your mind to wander… ''[thinking about monkey playing cymbals]'' but I want you to really concentrate on me. ''[monkey put down his cymbal, and pointing him]'' I can't escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Marge. I will.
:'''Marge:''' You can take Spider-Pig with you!
:'''Homer:''' He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
:''[Homer sits in the car with Spider-Pig and get's a call with his cell phone. Lenny is outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]].]''
:'''Homer:''' Hello.
:'''Lenny:''' Homer, you gotta get over here. The health inspector just shut down the doughnut store, they're giving out free doughnuts!
:'''Homer:''' Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first.
:'''Lenny:''' Well, you better hurry. They're going fast.
:''[Outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]] get's Wiggum accidentally shoot a shot near his own mouth.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Whoa, that was close.
:''[Homer drives off the lake and dump waste into the lake after he destroyed the wall. The lake is poisoned.]''
:'''Homer:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Skull:''' Evil!
:''[Homer sits in the back of the car but changing location and drive away.]''
:'''Homer:''' Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right.
:''[A squirrel get's hunted down into the lake and get more eyes when it comes up. Ned and Bart are climbing up on a mountain.]''
:'''Ned:''' Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah.
:'''Ned:''' And if you look real close, you can almost... yaah!
:''[Ned sees the squirrel that jumped in the lake.]''
:'''Ned:''' Well, this certainly seems odd but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh! We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.
:''[Bart beats the squirrel's eyes.]''
:'''Bart:''' Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime.
:'''Ned:''' Who are you?
:'''E.P.A-women:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:''[E.P.A taking caring about the squirrel and go away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Russ Cargill come to the White House and meets the president.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[first words]'' Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A, here to see the president. Mr. President.
:'''[[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]:''' Ja, that is me.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Ach! I hate this job. Everything's &quot;crisis&quot; this and &quot;end of the world&quot; that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss [[Danny DeVito]].
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one.
:''[Russ shows the squirrel for president who gets frightened.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Aah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You know, sir, when you made me head of the E.P.A you were applauded for appointed one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I’m listening.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery...
:''[Russ shows five option blocks.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I pick number three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You don't wanna read them first?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!
:''[A helicopter with a glass dome will of Springfield and all residents are surprised and afraid. Gabbo truly amazed, church, and Moe's Tavern changing population and Milhouse swallows his inhaler. Martin Prince is in the playground and flies away.]''
:'''Martin Prince, Jr.:''' We're being sealed in a dome!
:'''Man:''' What do I do? Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I’m trapped! If I leave, I’m alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-
:''[The man gets crushed. Simpsons sees what happens and it says the E.P.A. on the helicopter.]''
:'''Marge:''' EPA, EPA! ''Trapped forever.'' It's all come true.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' That crazy old man in church was right.
:'''Homer: ''DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!'''''
:''[Springfield's population is towards to the dome and the SPD appears.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' All right, men, open fire.
:''[S.P.D. shoots against the dome. The gunshot nozzles back and hit them.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Who's hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude.
:'''Professor Frink:''' People! People! I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill which can cut through anything.
:'''Group:''' Hey, that's cool.
:'''Professor Frink:''' It’s right there...just outside of the dome.
:''[The group groans and Sideshow Mel hit his hair bone against the dome.]''
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
:''[Russ shows up on a TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the E.P.A.
:'''Moe:''' The what?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:'''Lenny:''' Come again?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look. I’m a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
:'''Man:''' Whoo! Springfield!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
:'''Krusty:''' Drama Queen?!?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' To prevent your poisons from spreading your government has sealed you all with in this dome. ''[Group gasps.]'' Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I do own the company that makes the dome, but that's beside the point.
:'''Moe:''' What are you telling us that we're trapped like rats?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like carrots.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait. We couldn't be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Apparently someone didn't get the message.
:'''Homer:'''Act natural.
:'''Carl:''' Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
:''[In a car disappears Springfield from the G.P.S.]''
:'''G.P.S:''' Coming up on your right: Nothing.
:''[Kent Brockman run the Springfield News and fixes his head.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. ''[Wrong head.]'' Moment, please. ''[Put the pen back on his head.]'' Now, as always, we end our news on ''The Lighter Side.'' It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
:''[Swallows collides with the dome and cats are outside. Marge is in the garden and discovers that Maggie is outside the dome.]''
:'''Marge:''' I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie?
:''[Homer watching TV and Marge get him.]''
:'''TV Commercial:''' We've got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener, all your dome needs at Dome Depot. Located at the 105 and the dome.
:'''Women Chorus''': Dome Depot.
:'''Marge:''' Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
:''[Homer comes out with Marge and see that Maggie is in the sandbox.]''
:'''Marge:''' Maggie was right there, just outside the dome.
:''[Homer see him self reflected in the dome and goes into the house in the belief that he was out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge, she's right here.
:'''Marge:''' Huh?
:'''Homer:''' This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and... Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I'll write to you. Lead good lives! ''[realizes]'' Ohhh!
:''[Maggie ports sighs and out through the dome by being in the sandbox. Marge and Homer go inside. On the TV broadcasts Kent Brockman from Springfield Lake and Homer laughs but gets shocked when his silo appears.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Good evening, this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield.
:'''Homer:''' That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town.
:'''Homer:''' I know. It's weird.
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Just a reminder, this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will.
:''[Picture on Homer with text &quot;Get Him!&quot; shows.]''
:'''Marge:''' You didn't listen to me after I warned you.
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What's that ominous glow in the distance?
:''[The mob goes with flaming torches against the family's house.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
:'''Homer:''' ''[looking at the angry mob]'' Marge! Look! Those idiots don't even know where we live!
:''[The mob hear Homer and turns.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 
:'''Homer:''' D'oh...!
:'''The mob:''' We want Homer, we want Homer!
:''[Lisa comes to Homer and turn him loose in his stomach.]''
:'''Lisa:''' You monster, you monster!
:'''Homer:''' Did you see the news?
:'''Marge:''' Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.
:'''Lisa:''' But I’m so angry.
:'''Marge:''' You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
:'''Homer:''' I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
:'''Carl:''' No, we won't. We just want (you,) Homer!
:'''Homer:''' Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I'm part of the mob!
:''[The mob comes into the house.]''
:'''Krusty''' Teeny! Take out the baby.
:''[Teeny goes to Maggie, but she is willing to attack and Teeny turns. Lisa sees Colin in the mob and at he is holding a flower bouquet that Carl set fire to and Lisa sighs.]''
:'''Carl:''' Here, let me get that for you.
:''[Homer nailed the door and mimics a chainsaw, but the mob can see he mimics and continues to try to get into the room.]''
:'''Homer:''' Stay back, I got a chainsaw! ''[He starts making chainsaw noises and then they see him through the holes and Homer stops]'' Uh oh.
:''[Ned set a plank between him and the Simpsons' house.]''
:'''Ned:''' Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
:'''Bart:''' But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
:'''Ned:''' I’m sure your father would do the same for...
:''[Bart stares at Ned.]''
:'''Ned:''' Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
:''[Schoolchildren aim with bows.]''
:'''Seymour Skinner:''' Archers.
:'''Nelson:''' I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill.
:'''Homer:''' No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die.
:''[Plopper goes to the window and pushes the board into the ground. The family falls and runs away. Homer finds a shrimp some he eats.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
:''[The family sits in the car, Marge runs into the house briefly to clean up and pick an important thing.]''
:'''Marge:''' Wait! There's something I have to get.
:'''Homer:''' What'd you get?
:'''Marge:''' Our wedding video.
:'''Homer:''' We have a wedding video?
:'''Krusty:''' Torch his gas tank!
:''[Homer drives off, but discovers that the mob lift the car. They preparing to hang the family and they get up in Bart's treehouse, but Homer can not handle it and gets attacked.]''
:'''Homer:''' We lost them.
:'''Bart:''' Up here.
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Get them! Get them!
:'''Homer:''' Little help? You know, the word ''apology'' is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
:''[They try to tear down the tree and Maggie pointing to the sandbox. Maggie hopes in the sandbox and go away.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, what are we gonna do?
:'''Marge:''' Maggie, not now. We'll play later.
:'''Marge:''' The sinkhole. Follow me, kids!
:''[The family jumps after but Homer gets stuck in the beginning and start to digging.]''
:'''Bart:''' Geronimo!
:'''Lisa:''' Sacajawea!
:'''Homer:''' So long, losers!
:'''Moe:''' The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it!
:''[Everything around the house gets destroyed and all against to the sinkhole.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Well, they're China's problem now.
:''[Outside the dome sees Lisa, Colin how is plays music for her. Colin writes the note for &quot;Lisa's Song&quot; on the dome and Lisa humming it.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin! ''[Colin playing his guitar in silent]'' I can't hear you! Oh! ''[to Colin]'' I'd never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is—
:'''Bart:''' ''[singing]'' ''Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!''
:''[Lisa beats Bart in the face.]''
:'''Lisa:''' ...perfect.
:''[The family hear cars coming and flees. E.P.A-cars arrive.]''
:'''Marge:''' What do we do?
:'''Homer:''' Now we run.
:'''E.P.A.-man:''' I’m afraid we lost them, sir.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Damn it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,OOO tough guys and I want 10,OOO soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here's how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Sir, I’m afraid you've gone mad with power.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Of course I have. You ever try going mad without power? It's boring! No one listens to you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family is at the Red Rash Inn and Marge are hiding from a E.P.A helicopter and see two police officers, however they are interested in each other instead of her. Marge enters the room and sees Bart with a bottle.]''
:'''Marge:''' Bart, are you drinking Whiskey?
:'''Bart:''' I’m troubled.
:'''Marge:''' Bart!
:'''Bart:''' I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
:'''Marge:''' You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man.
:''[Bart drink bottle and running around the room.]''
:'''Bart:''' I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
:'''Marge:''' Where's your father?
:'''Lisa:''' He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
:''[Homer is outside the door and the family opens the door when he can not remember the code.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, guys? What's the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
:'''Marge:''' It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake.
:''[Homer shows with his body that he did not know.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' I don't know what to tell you, Marge. I don't think about things. I respect people who do but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again.
:'''Marge:''' Oh...
:''[Maggie and Lisa are looking at Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' I mean, oh.
:'''Homer:''' Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry, I’ve prepared with a solution. I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly, we'd need a backup plan. And that plan is right here!
:''[Homer looks into his wallet and get a &quot;Get Out Of Jail Free&quot; and &quot;Basketball Card&quot; before he finds what he search for and shows a poster from Alaska.]''
:'''Homer:''' No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Uh, Ta... da!
:'''Lisa:''' Alaska?
:'''Homer:''' Alaska. A place where you can't be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: Let's see your high school equivalency certificate.
:'''Marge:''' I don't know, Homie.
:'''Homer:''' I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone. And live really come to like you guys.
:'''Marge:''' I just don't see it.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: ''l need you to do this with me.'' And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
:''[Homer holds out his hand and Marge grabs it with her hand.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, Homie, I’m with you.
:'''Homer:''' Thank you, my sweetheart.
:'''Bart:''' Mom?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, honey?
:'''Bart:''' You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
:'''Homer:''' You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Bart:''' How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
:'''Homer:''' All right, son. If you don't believe in me, believe in America.
:''[Homer shows what is available outside the hotel window and the image is panned to an amusement park.]''
:'''Homer:''' America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked.
:''[The family is at an amusement park.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.
:'''Homer:''' What's the catch?
:'''Tivoli-man:''' No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $10.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, how much money do we have?
:'''Marge:''' $10.
:'''Homer:''' Whooh!
:''[Homer tries but fails.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' That counts as a try. ''[Another failed attempt]'' That's two. ''[Another failed attempt]'' And that's three. Here's what I'll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself - I'll give you one on the house.
:'''Homer:''' You're the best.
:'''Lisa:''' Dad! When you get to the top, don't slow down, speed up!
:'''Homer:''' But that's when it's the scariest.
:'''Lisa:''' Just do it!
:''[Homer takes courage and success and the audience cheers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh! Oh! Whooh!
:'''Bart:''' Yes!
:'''Lisa:''' Yay, Dad!
:'''Homer:''' I'll take that truck now.
:''[Homer gets the car keys from the Tivoli-man and a Siamese female beats with a rolling pin.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
:''[The family drives off in the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Next stop, Alaska!
:''[At Moe's Tavern, they look at the television and the power goes and Moe loses first all the beers and after that everything else.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
:'''Moe:''' Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay.
:''[The family thought the car and Marge and Bart are in the shop.]''
:'''Marge:''' I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. You are, aren't you?
:'''Bart:''' I'll prove it.
:''[Bart shoots with is slingshot away Homer's hot dog as he eats and he begins eating a new one.]''
:'''Marge:''' We're giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to... Oh, my God.
:''[Marge sees a wanted sign with them and try to get the cashier to not see the sign so Bart graffiti on it so it looks like another family.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Can I help you?
:'''Marge:''' We need diapers.
:'''Cashier:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' No. No, we don't. We don't. Ladies' razorblades.
:'''Cashier:''' Right.
:'''Marge:''' No! No. No, we don't. I forgot, we're European.
:'''Cashier:''' Aha!
:'''Marge:''' Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That's right. That's what we need. That's all we came in for.
:'''Cashier:''' Sure.
:''[Bart then draws wacky designs on the wanted poster, giving Homer a droopy mustache and wacky slick hair, Marge a blue Alfredo and buckteeth, Bart himself thicker eyebrows and buckteeth, Lisa an eye patch and buckteeth, and Maggie straight, blue hair. The cashier spots a family that is similar to the doodle and points at them.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Oh, my God. There-There they are!
:''[The other family were apprehended by the E.P.A and Simpsons drives away and Bart laughs. In Springfield, it will be power outages and Mr. Burns met three representatives on his home.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' So...you want some of my [[w:Electric|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
:'''Dr. Julius Hibbert:''' The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''Lives lost.'' Go on.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Tempting. Tempting.
:'''Apu:''' Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you'll find the answer.
:''[Smithers frantically shakes his head and waves his hands in protest. Outside Burns' mansion, Julius, Wiggum, and Apu are chased out by the hounds.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' First door on the right.
:'''Apu:''' Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family comes to Alaska and it is nothing like the poster so Homer puts the poster on the car window.]''
:'''Homer:''' What? This isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that's better.
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:''[Marge takes off the poster, the family goes down a cliff and screams. When they landed they see at they are there.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
:'''Custom man:''' Welcome to Alaska. Here's $1000.
:'''Homer:''' Well, it's about time! But why?
:'''Custom man:''' We pay every resident $1000 to allow oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
:''[Homer kissing the customs man some waving them away.]''
:'''Homer:''' I’m home!
:'''Custom man:''' Oh, thanks.
:''[Lisa and Bart are out in the snow and Homer are on the way home after picking firewood. Bart claps so there will be avalanches.]''
:'''Lisa:''' What are you doing, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' Eh, just passing the time.
:'''Homer:''' My boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
:'''Lisa:''' But, Dad...
:'''Homer:''' Clap for Alaska!
:''[Lisa clap too, so it becomes more avalanches. Homer runs into the house to avoid the snow.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true.
:''[Homer and Marge get prepare to love and be pampered by the animals. Bird says, &quot;We're going to need more birds.&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[In Springfield are Kent makes reports.]''
:'''Kent:''' Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low who knows what spark will set off this powder keg?
:''[In Springfield Book Club.]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy:''' Okay. Let's discuss ''Tuesdays with Morrie''.
:'''Cookie Kwan:''' Again? lf we don't get a new book, I’m going to puke.
:'''Lindsay Naegle:''' You're the five people I’m going to meet in hell!
:''[There will be trouble and in the AA on the church get their coffee machine destroyed.]''
:'''Barney:''' We're out of coffee! I can't take another minute in this dome!
:''[The residents of Springfield are moving towards the dome and try to destroy it and Stampy makes a crack in it.]''
:'''Ralph:''' Take that. Oh, no! Blowback!
:''[Russ shows for the president what they do.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look what they're doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' A crack?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Exactly. First let me stick to the Problem. People got out of the dome before, they're gonna get out again. And when they do, there's gonna be hearings, investigations....
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Gotten Himmel! I’ll have to go back to making family comedies. Ach!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don't have to read them. You'll have deniability. I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' No. I need to know what I’m approving.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Okay, I pick three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Try again.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' One.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Go higher.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Five?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Too high.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Three?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You said three.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Six?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There is no six.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Two?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Double it.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Four!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' As you wish, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Alaska watch the family the TV.]''
:'''[[Tom Hanks]]' voice:''' Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
:'''TV Dad:''' Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
:'''TV Girl:''' It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
:'''TV Boy:''' Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
:'''Marge:''' That's where Springfield is!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
:'''Bart:''' Did you see that?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
:'''Homer:''' I’m happy here. Screw Springfield!
:'''Marge:''' I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
:'''Marge:''' It was 7 at night.
:'''Homer:''' It was during access Hollywood.
:'''Marge:''' Which is on at 4 and 7.
:'''Homer:''' D'oh!
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
:'''Bart:''' Flanders helped when we were in trouble.
:'''Homer:''' Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.
:'''Bart:''' I wish he was.
:'''Homer:''' You don't mean that. You worship me.
:''[Bart shows he designed the Flanders on a picture of Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly.
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why, you little! I'll strangle-angle you!
:''[Homer strangles Bart and Marge interrupts and gives Homer her hand.]''
:'''Bart:''' Diddily-diddily.
:'''Marge:''' Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer... in every marriage, you get one chance to say: &quot;l need you to do this with me.&quot;
:'''Homer:''' That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
:'''Marge:''' Homer Simpson!
:'''Lisa:''' We're saving Springfield!
:'''Homer:''' Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again.
:''[Homer leaves the house and the rest of the family is looking out and Bart tries to show the picture at Ned for him.]''
:'''Homer:''' I have spoken! Hmph!
:''[Homer visits Eski Moe's and plays Grand Theft Walrus.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, I guess live let her worry about me long enough.
:''[Homer lifts home and discovers that the house is empty.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids? Huh?
:''[Homer finds a video cassette with the text &quot;Play me the VCR,&quot; and he do that. In the movie are Marge talking.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, ''Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.''
:''[Homer laughs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Way back.
:'''Marge:''' Lately. what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because....
:'''Homer:''' Because?
:'''Marge:''' Well. that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye. Homie.
:''[Homer looks at what is left of the wedding video.]''
:'''Marge:''' I love you.
:''[Homer leaves the house.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids?
:''[Homer faints on an ice floe. Sign saying &quot;To be continued&quot; appears. Sign saying &quot;Immediately&quot; appears. Homer lies in the snow where a polar bear going to attack him but is frightened by a woman in gibberish. Bear sighs and push a fox with his foot. He takes care of Homer. The rest of the family is on a train.]''
:'''Bart:''' So, Mom, what's our plan?
:'''Marge:''' What are you doing up there?
:'''Bart:''' Looking through people's luggage. ''[with a squeaky voice]'' I’m the mascot of an evil corporation.
:''[Bart laughs.]''
:'''Marge:''' Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[whispers]'' I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.
:'''Marge:''' Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.
:''[The conductor is connected to the National Security Agency, where they listen to the calls in the U.S..]''
:'''Woman #1 on Phone:''' Hi. I’m calling about your Meat Lover's pizza. I like meat, but I don't know if I’m ready to love again.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' You hang up first.
:'''Man on Phone:''' No, you hang up first.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' Okay.
:'''Man on Phone:''' She hung up on me!
:'''Lisa:''' But we're fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.
:'''NSA-man''' ''[Shouting and cheering]'' Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah!
:''[Homer wakes up with a woman in a tent.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Homer Simpson, do you know why you are here?
:'''Homer:''' Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Drink this liquid.
:''[Homer drinks a liquid that gives a fire in his mouth.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[screams, then calmly]'' More, please. ''[drinks a liquid some more]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Now we will cleanse your spirit by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
:'''Homer:''' Throat singing?
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]''
:'''Homer:''' How long are we doing this?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Until you have an epiphany.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing again.]''
:'''Homer:''' What's an epiphany?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Sudden realization of great truth.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing another again. Homer gets a vision of where he goes around and divided into pieces and is beaten.]''
:'''Singers:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He's a Spider-Pig
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Unless you have an epiphany you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
:'''Homer:''' Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. ''[The ghostly hans slap him in the face]'' Americans will never embrace soccer? ''[Gets slapped again]'' More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself? ''[gets slapped again, then disembodied.]'' Hey, what are you doing? ''[His body parts begin to melt]'' Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don't care about myself anymore. ''[his body parts reverse the melting process and back to normal face]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Because...?
:'''Homer:''' Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. ''[tree's hand in shaking]'' In order to save myself I have to save Springfield! That's it! Isn't it?
:''[Homer is acclaimed put his body back to normal by applause and cheering before Homer shakes his tree's hand, back in present, he do a throat singing once again, he wakes from the vision.]''
:'''Homer:''' That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady.
:''[Homer hugs the Medicine Woman and walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The train arrives at Seattle and family lower the head when they see Russ Cargill.]''
:'''Marge:''' This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us?
:''[E.P.A enters the car and take care of them.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Yes, I did.
:''[Homer go dog sledding and whips the dogs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run!
:''[Homer thank the dogs some attacked him before Homer gets lonely after the dogs leave him.]''
:'''Homer:''' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just- Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs runs away]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
:''[Homer goes into a blizzard and talking to himself.]''
:'''Homer:''' Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can't. I can't keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can't! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what's the point? It’s hopeless.
:''[Homer faints in the snow and discovers an aurora with Medicine Woman some showing with her breasts where he should go.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Don't give up, Homer. You are closer than you think.
:'''Homer:''' But which way do I go? ''[Medicine Woman shakes his clothing from side to side, he stops]'' Much obliged.
:''[Homer are outside Springfield and see an E.P.A-car and hear Lisa play wit her saxophone.]''
:'''Guard:''' Ten-hut!
:''[Homer looks at binoculars, he looks]''
:'''Homer:''' Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do?
:''[Homer sees a work vehicle and the car with the family stops in front of a Sop-sign.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #1:''' There's something strange about that ''sop'' sign.
:''[Homer drive the work vehicle and intend to save the family but fails.]''
:'''Bart:''' Did you hear something?
:'''Lisa:''' Probably just a moth.
:'''Marge:''' I hope it's okay.
:''[Homer gets hit by ball on the vehicle and travels back and forth before he falls to the ground.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Look, we can't keep stopping at every ''stop,'' ''yield'' or ''one way'' sign. Just move on.
:''[The car drive away. Bart tries to get the driver to release them, with the results of the family becomes anesthetized.]''
:'''Bart:''' Let us out! Let us out!
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
:'''Bart:''' I hope I do.
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, way to go, Bart.
:'''Bart:''' You stink.
:'''Lisa:''' No, you stink.
:''[The family wakes up in Springfield and they see how the city got worse, but Bart gets upset when Springfield Elementary School is left.]''
:'''Marge:''' Springfield.
:'''Bart:''' I can't believe it, but it got even crappier. ''[Springfield Town ruined and Springfield Elementary School is free]'' Oh, man.
:''[The family gets scared when they hear Moe gibberish and lots of people running around in the background and Moe appears with a hat.]''
:'''Moe:''' Oh, hi, Midge.
:'''Marge:''' Moe, what happened?
:'''Moe:''' With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here.
:'''Marge:''' Why are you dressed like that?
:'''Moe:''' Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield.
:'''Barney:''' No, you're not!
:'''Moe:''' Yes, I am!
:''[Moe causes an explosion.]''
:'''Barney:''' Okay. Hail, emperor.
:''[Russ shows up on the TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Attention. Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore. we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle.
:''[Residents cheer but gets nuts when a bomb with a time of 15 minutes is inserted into the city and residents are hiding and running away.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Which involves killing you all. ''[Residents groans]'' As I speak. we're lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst. ''[Milhouse is hiding in the bin]''
:'''Marge:''' Despite everything, I miss your father.
:'''Bart:''' Me too. His big, fat ass could shield us all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is dressed as a guard.]''
:'''Homer:''' Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately.
:'''E.P.A guard:''' Why is it written on a leaf?
:''[Homer knocks the guard and show his task list. Homer tries to climb up but fail, he find super glue and put it on his hands and stick one of his hands in his crotch, he start later to climb up for the dome.]''
:'''Homer:''' Perfect. Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cojones! Oops.
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, live gotta go find Colin.
:'''Marge:''' Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time.
:''[Homer is slippery on the dome with glue, muffled. Hibbert was playing harmonica, Lenny, Carl, Hibbert and Cletus are looking at the bomb.]''
:'''Carl:''' Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
:'''Lenny:''' Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?
:''[Cletus throats and appears.]''
:'''Cletus:''' My time to shine.
:''[Cletus start talking to Russ and the residents start to climb up on the rope some goes to the top of the dome.]''
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What do you want?
:'''Cletus:''' Um… Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Four generations of inbreeding?
:'''Cletus''': But, oh…
:'''Carl:''' I can smell fresh air.
:'''Lindsay Neagle:''' I can hear birds.
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' I taste freedom.
:'''Homer:''' Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!
:''[Homer slides down of the rope and knocks the Residents off the rope, Homer knocks the bomb off the rope with screaming and falls to the ground, Barney manages to catch the bomb safely and puts it down.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' I was tricked by an idiot!
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Goodbye.
:''[The dome TV screen ends.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[groaning]'' Homer do good?
:'''Bart:''' Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' But l...Oh. ''[sobs]'' Oh, I can't do anything right.
:''[Homer kicks at the bomb some changes from 8:23 to 4:11.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Get outta here!
:''[Homer is chased away, and Bart walks away before Comic Book Guy looks at comic books]''
:'''Comic book guy:''' I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there's only time to say: Life well spent!
:''[In the church is Ned with the kids, and Bart enters.]''
:'''Ned:''' Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
:'''Todd:''' Will Buddha be there too?
:'''Ned:''' No.
:'''Bart:''' Hey, Flanders.
:'''Ned:''' Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you're here.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if before I died I could pretend I had a father who cared for me.
:'''Ned:''' Come here, son. There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.
:''[Bart gets a hug from Ned and Todd and Rod do not like it. A robot trying to destroy the bomb but shoots himself with Clancy's gun.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You're our last hope.
:'''Bomb-disarming Robot:''' Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure! ''[Robot bomb died.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' He'd been talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
:''[Homer walk at the town and sees Marge, but collides with a tree. The tree shows at he should go up to the top of the dome and the rays show at he should do that with a scooter some lying on the ground in the city. Homer decides to give money to the tree.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the ''epipha-tree''! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice.
:''[Homer is driving the scoter and takes the bomb with a time at 2:10.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Homer? What the hell are you doing now?
:'''Homer:''' Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop.
:''[Doomsday clock shows 1:34 and Homer comes to the church where Flanders and Bart pray.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bart, son, You think you could find it in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance?
:'''Bart:''' Oh, I don't know.
:'''Ned:''' It seems to me, son, that your father's saying that he wants to spend his last minute with you.
:'''Bart:''' No! I can't do it. I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word?
:'''Rodd and Todd:''' Consistency.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' I'll let you hold the bomb.
:'''Bart:''' The man knows me.
:''[Bart go to Homer and they drive off.]''
:'''Todd:''' I wish Homer was my father.
:'''Ned:''' And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
:''[Homer and Bart travel at the moped to the top and Martin meets some bullies and beat them.]''
:'''Martin Prince:''' I've been taking your crap all my life! This feels good, no wonder you do it.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole.
:'''Bart:''' Dad, in case I miss, I’m sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
:'''Homer:''' I don't blame you, son. I wasn't much of a father, maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes, it's clear to me, it's just been one long, unbroken cycle of....
:''[Marge talk to them in a megaphone.]''
:'''Marge:''' '''SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!!!'''
:'''Bart:''' Gah!
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
:'''Otto:''' What? What's going on?
:''[Bart throws the bomb and with few seconds left and the bomb is on its way back through the hole, but it stops at the outside of the dome.]''
:'''Crowd:''' Yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! No no no no no no no no!!!!
:''[The residents are worried but get happy when it explodes. The dome begins to be destroyed and Bart and Homer drive down of the dome and scream at the edge of Springfield.]''
:'''Homer:''' We did it, boy!
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhh!
:''[The lands outside of Springfield Gorge.]''
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
:'''Homer:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Gah!
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Woo-hoo!
:''[The dome explodes completely, and Dr. Nick gets a big chunk at the body and sock off.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' It’s amazing no one was hurt.
:'''Dr. Nick:''' Bye, everybody. ''[dying groan]''
:''[Homer and Bart looks out of Springfield. Russ Cargill has a gun.]''
:'''Bart:''' Now, that was a great father-son activity!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Hello, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do '''''both''''' right now.
:'''Bart:''' Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What treasure?!
:'''Bart:''' The Treasure of Ima Wiener.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' &quot;Ima Wiener&quot;?
:''[Bart and Homer laugh]''
:'''Homer:''' Classic.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[last words]'' Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
:''[Maggie hits a rock in Russ head as he passes out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be.
:''[Maggie walks away and Lisa is in downtown Springfield looking for Colin.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin? Colin!
:'''Milhouse:''' Lisa? Colin's dead. But his last words were: Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.
:''[Colin shows up.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' I got her all warmed up for you.
:'''Lisa:''' Colin. Hi.
:'''Colin:''' Hey, you wanna go...?
:'''Lisa:''' Clean up the lake?
:'''Colin:''' Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay.
:'''Lisa:''' I like ice cream.
:''[Colin and Lisa are taking each other's hand.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
:''[Homer and Bart comes to downtown Springfield and gets acclaimed. Santa's Little Helper arrives.]''
:'''Bart:''' Boy! You survived! How?
:''[Santa's Little Helper, barks I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever.]''
:'''Bart:''' I love you too.
:''[Homer sees Marge and grab her for a ride and kiss her with Maggie in the basket.]''
:'''Marge:''' Best kiss of my life.
:'''Homer:''' Best kiss of your life so far.
:''[The town gets rebuilt and Homer are on the roof with Bart and fix the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady, steady, steady.
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:''[Bart gives Homer safety glasses.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thanks, boy. Steady.
:''[Homer nailing himself in the leg.]''
:'''Homer:''' Woo hoo! ''[remixes where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle]'' Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
:''[Homer screams and Bart laughs.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The final text starts scrolling. Burn's mansion has no possessions. The end credits roll.]''
:'''Waylon Smithers, Jr.:''' They've taken everything, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Smithers, I don't believe in suicide but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
:''[The final text will continue to roll.]''
:'''Tom Hanks:''' This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you see me in person, please, leave me be.
:''[&quot;Spider-Pig (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. &quot;Homer Suite (Film Version)&quot; is heard. The family is sitting in a cinema during the final text.]''
:'''Bart:''' Come on, Dad, let's go. I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town.
:'''Homer:''' You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names!
:'''Lisa:''' Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
:'''Lisa:''' Phew!
:'''Homer:''' Okay. Ooh, Floor popcorn.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, my God, her first word!
:'''Maggie:''' Sequel? ''[The family walks away.]''
:''[He continued to roll the credits. &quot;Giddy up Suite (Film version)&quot; is coming, and &quot;Happy Ending (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. He sings Springfield Anthem. &quot;Homer Suite (Film version in reprise)&quot; is heard. After the credits are finished, the squeaky-voiced teenaged janitor comes in and starts cleaning.]''
:'''Squeaky-voiced teen:''' Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be! Four years of film school for this?!
:''[Gracie Films logo plays.]''
:''[The End]''

== Taglines ==
* See Our Family, And Feel Better About Yours.
* For Years, Lines Have Been Drawn...And Then Colored In Yellow.

== Voice cast ==
* '''[[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]]''' – [[Homer Simpson]], [[Itchy and Scratchy|Itchy]], Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, [[Krusty the Clown]], Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, [[Sideshow Mel]], Mr. Teeny, E.P.A Official, Kissing Cop, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie
* '''[[Julie Kavner]]''' – [[Marge Simpson]], Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier
* '''[[Nancy Cartwright]]''' – [[Bart Simpson]], [[Maggie Simpson]], [[Ralph Wiggum]], [[Nelson Muntz]], Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, Woman on Phone
* '''[[w:Yeardley Smith|Yeardley Smith]]''' – [[Lisa Simpson]]
* '''[[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]]''' – Professor Frink, [[Comic Book Guy]], Moe Szyslak, [[Chief wiggum|Chief Wiggum]], Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male E.P.A Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, [[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]], Dredrick Tatum, Sea Captain, E.P.A Passenger, Robot, Dr. Nick Riviera
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – [[Itchy and Scratchy|Scratchy]], [[Mr. Burns]], Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Smithers, Toll Booth Man, Guard, Otto, Kang
* '''[[w:Pamela Hayden|Pamela Hayden]]''' – Milhouse Van Houten / Rod Flanders / Jimbo
* '''[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]''' – Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Agnes Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Crazy Cat Lady, Female E.P.A Worker, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, Girl on Phone
* '''[[w:Albert Brooks|A. Brooks]]''' – Russ Cargill
* '''[[w:Karl Wiedergott|Karl Wiedergott]]''' – Man, E.P.A Driver
* '''[[w:Marcia Wallace|Marcia Wallace]]''' – Mrs. Krabappel
* '''[[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]]''' – Martin Prince
* '''[[w:Maggie Roswell|Maggie Roswell]]''' – Helen Lovejoy
* '''[[w:Phil Rosenthal|Phil Rosenthal]]''' – TV Dad
* '''[[Billie Joe Armstrong]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[Tré Cool]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]''' – [[Green Day]]
* '''[[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]]''' – Fat Tony
* '''[[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks – Himself]]'''

== Teaser Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer #1 ===
:'''Announcer''': In 2007, leaping his way onto the silver screen. The greatest hero in American history.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Homer Simpson sitting on the couch]''
:'''Homer''': I forgot what I'm supposed to say.
:''[Cut to an early version of &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; logo on a purple background]''
:'''Announcer''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', opening worldwide, July 27, 2007.
:'''Homer''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh-oh, we better get started.
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[off-screen]'' Excellent!
:''[The title says July 27, 2007]''

=== Teaser Trailer #2 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty.... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Time to save my family!
:''[The wrecking ball is about to wreck the truck, but barely touches it; it smashes on Homer instead and smashes on many billboards then stops. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007. It then smashed again by a rock and the tie cut itself and gets slammed]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

=== Teaser Trailer #3 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady.
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye, causing him to yell in pain and Bart laughs. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007]''
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady...
:''[He falls through the roof]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

== Production quotes ==
* We're very excited about the performances in this movie. Come next Oscars, we think it's going to be Milhouse's night. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;rot&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=310882 |title=Fox Issues Official Word on &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; |accessdate=2006-04-04 |first=Scott |last=Weinberg |date=2006-04-04 |publisher=Rotten Tomatoes}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* Since 2001 we had been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2006-04-02-simpsons-movie_x.htm |title=Mmmm, popcorn: A 'Simpsons' film in '07 |accessdate=2006-04-02 |first=Scott |last=Bowles |date=[[2006-04-02]] |publisher=[[USA Today]]}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've been running a little behind schedule, but only by about 15 years. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* If I were feeling any more pressure, I'd be a diamond. ~ Al Jean&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* We're going to put some fake plots out there just to make things interesting. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;good&quot;&gt;[http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/JamesLBrooks/JamesLBrooks.html As Good As He Gets] at filmmonthly.com, December 13, 2004&lt;/ref&gt;
* The idea of the movie is that all of us who ran the show at one point, and who have been there from the beginning come together as the writing team for this movie. ~ James L. Brooks
* That trailer is running on 7000 screens this weekend, committing us to opening every place in the world on the same date, which means we'd better get started. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;var&quot;&gt;[http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117940840.html?categoryid=14&amp;cs=1 Homer going to bat in '07] at Variety.com, April 2, 2006&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've taken script security to the point of lunacy, although it helped that we wrote it in Aramaic. ~ Mike Scully
* This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say. ~ James L. Brooks
* I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume. ~ Al Jean
* The movie is a result of the very singular vision of 11 people. ~ Mike Scully
* It has been rough. We worked at it for a long time and then found out that ''Snakes on a Plane'' was doing the same story. ~ James L. Brooks

==Notes and references==
{{reflist}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://imdb.com/title/tt0462538/quotes ''The Simpsons Movie''] quotes at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]. 
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/simpsons_movie/ ''The Simpsons Movie''] at [[w:Rotten Tomatoes|Rotten Tomatoes]].

{{The Simpsons}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons Movie, The}}
[[Category:2007 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American adult animated films]]
[[Category:Adult animated films]]
[[Category:American animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:The Simpsons]]
[[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]]
[[Category:Films based on adult animated television series]]
[[Category:Screenplays by James L. Brooks]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Alaska]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Washington, D.C.]]
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{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons Movie|The Simpsons Movie]]''''' is a [[w:2007 film|2007 film]] based on ''[[The Simpsons]]'' television series.
:''Directed by [[David Silverman]]. Written by [[James L. Brooks]], [[Matt Groening]], [[w:Al Jean|Al Jean]], [[w:Ian Maxtone-Graham|Ian Maxtone-Graham]], [[w:George Meyer|George Meyer]], [[w:David Mirkin|David Mirkin]], [[w:Mike Reiss|Mike Reiss]], [[w:Mike Scully|Mike Scully]], [[w:Matt Selman|Matt Selman]], [[w:John Swartzwelder|John Swartzwelder]], and [[w:Jon Vitti|Jon Vitti]].'' This film was released July 27, 2007 in United States.
{{center|'''See our family, and feel better about yours.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]==
* ''[whips dogs while using them for dog-sledding]'' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! ''[jumps from one slope to the other side]'' Jump! Jump! Land! Land! ''[while dogs rest]'' Rest! Rest! ''[while dogs running again]'' Run! Run! ''[after stopping for the night]'' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put all that behind us and just- ''[the dogs maul him]'' That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs abandon him]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
*''[sings while playing with his pig]''
:Spider Pig. Spider Pig.
:Does whatever a Spider Pig does.
:Can he swing from a web?
:No, he can't. He's a pig.
:Look out!
:He is a Spider Pig.

== [[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]] ==
* Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
* What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
* ''[watching ad]'' That's where Springfield is!
* Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, &quot;Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.&quot;
* EPA, EPA! It's all come true.

== [[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]] ==
* You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
* Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
* Eh, just passing the time.
* Dad, in case I missed, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my father.
* But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
* ''[poking mutant squirrel's eyes]'' Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

== [[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]] ==
*''[Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]'' I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an ''[with a heavy Irish accent]'' Irish brogue! ''[In normal voice]'' No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!

== Russ Cargill ==
* Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
* Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
* That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
* You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
* I was tricked by an idiot!
* ''[Last Lines]'' Well, you always leave ‘em laughing. Goodbye, sir.

== [[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]] ==
* So...you want some of my [[w:Electricity|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

== [[w:Professor Frink|Professor Frink]] ==
* ''[Springfield has been trapped inside a dome]''
* People! I have an important announcement. I have been working on a new acid-firing super-drill that can cut through anything. ''[pointing]'' It's right there...just outside of the dome.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Ralph sings Fox signature and the pictures panoramas to the moon where a spaceship lands and Scratchy comes out.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' We come in peace, for cats and mice everywhere.
:''[Itchy harm Scratchy with an American flag, laughs and crazy his helmet. Itchy travels back to Earth with Scratchy space-rocket. In the front page of &quot;The Washington Post&quot; says &quot;Mouse Hero Returns This Everything To Save Cat&quot;. Itchy gets honored and get at parade.]''
:'''Itchy:''' Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out.
:''[Itchy becomes president and sit and eat cheese in the White House and hear scratchy calling.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' Itchy.... Itchy....
:''[Itchy look at the moon on with a binoculars and sees Itchy holding a sign saying &quot;I'm telling&quot;. Itchy gets worried and gets an idea. He targeting nuclear missiles by &quot;mistake&quot; to the moon and Scratchy explodes. Homer stands up.]''
:'''Homer:''' BORING!
:''[The Simpsons family are in a theater.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, we can't see the movie.
:'''Homer:''' I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker, '''''especially'' YOU!'''
:''[Homer pointing to the viewer and the image becomes wider.]''
:'''Chorus''': The Simpsons.
:'''Professor Frink:''' ''[singing]'' Movie, on the big screen!
:''[The opening scene appears, similar to the episodes.]''
:''[In Springfield Lake are Green Day playing The Simpsons Theme and the crowd cheers. Comic Book Guy is carried but is released into the ground.]''
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Excuse me! My heinie is dipping.
:''[The music ends.]''
:'''Billie Joe:''' ''[first words in Green Day]'' All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
:''[Silence occurs and the crowd throwing bottles at them and boo them.]''
:'''Carl:''' Oh, you suck! Shut up and play!
:'''Barney:''' Preachy!
:'''Mike:''' We're not being preachy!
:'''Tré Cool:''' But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
:'''Lisa:''' I thought they touched on a vital issue.
:'''Moe:''' I beg to differ.
:'''Tré Cool:''' Oh!
:'''Mike:''' ''[last words in Green Day]'' Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
:''[Green Day starts playing Nearer, My God, to Thee and the barge sinks. Lisa looks worried.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the church of Springfield a funeral version of &quot;American Idiot&quot; is playing.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' For the latest rock band to die in our town Lord, hear our prayer.
:'''The group:''' Lord, hear our prayer.
:''[Outside the church are the Simpsons family coming.]''
:'''Marge:''' I hate being late!
:'''Homer:''' Well, I hate going! Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my deathbed?
:'''Marge:''' Homer, they can hear you inside!
:'''Homer:''' Relax, those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
:''[The Simpson family coming in and the audience staring at them. The family goes and sits down.]''
:'''Homer:''' How ya doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus!
:''[Bart plays ''Baby Blast''. Maggie takes out the game card.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now today I'd like to try something a little different. I'm going to call on one of you!
:''[Reverend Lovejoy points to the audience, they all cower down in fear, who gasp in shock, Barney screams, then cower.]&quot;''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit...
:''[Ned raises his hand.]''
:'''Ned:''' Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[unhappily, sighs]'' What is it, Ned?
:'''Ned:''' The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.
:''[Homer keeps fingers crossed and whispers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
:'''Ned:''' An immodest sense of pride in our community.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[annoyed]'' Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out...!
:''[Grampa is sleeping and wakes up when the sun hits his head and gets up and acts weird.]''
:'''Abe Simpson:''' Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen! ''[Comic Book Guy is filming that with his cell phone.]'' And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you! Whoa, Nelly! People of Springfield, HEED THIS WARNING! Twisted tail! A ''thousand eyes''! '''''TRAPPED FOREVER!.'''''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, do something!
:''[Homer flicks through the &quot;Holy Bible&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' But this book doesn't have any answers!
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[yelling, slowly]'' Beware, ''BEWARE''! Time is short, '''EPA!! EPA!!! ''EEEEEEPAAAAAA!!!!!!!''''' Believe me! '''''BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!''' [Homer rolls up the church rug around his father and carries him out the door] [cheerfully]'' Thanks for listening.
:''[The Simpsons family goes out the church with Grampa rolled in the rug and go to the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Okay, who wants waffles?
:'''Bart, Lisa and Grampa:''' I do, I do, I do!
:'''Marge:''' Wait a minute. What about Grampa?
:'''Bart:''' I want syrup!
:'''Lisa:''' I want strawberries!
:'''Marge:''' Something happened to that man.
:'''Homer:''' I'll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it.
:''[Homer kisses Grampa on the forehead.]''
:'''Marge:''' What is the point of going to church every Sunday when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I want bananas on my waffles!
:'''Homer:''' I rest my case.
:''[The family arrives, Marge goes out of the car first and then the others except Grampa.]''
:'''Marge:''' I'm not dropping this.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Wait a minute, I'm still in the car.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer looks at his list of chores. He ticks off &quot;Go to church&quot; and looks at &quot;Take out the hornets' Nest&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hmm. Take out hornets' nest.
:''[Homer takes down the hornets' nest and put it in Flanders mailbox.]''
:'''Homer:''' Check. Fix sinkhole.
:''[Homer is in the garden and put the sandbox and Maggie over the sinkhole.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''Check. Re-shingle roof?''
:''[Homer and Bart are on the ceiling and Homer tries to repair the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Owww! Owww!
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye and Bart laughs.]'' 
:'''Homer:''' Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
:''[Homer strangles Bart.]''
:'''Bart:''' You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
:'''Homer:''' What kind of fun?
:'''Bart:''' How about a dare contest?
:'''Homer:''' That sounds fun. I dare you to climb the TV antenna!
:''[Bart climbs up to the antenna]''
:'''Bart:''' Piece of cake.
:'''Homer:''' Earthquake!
:''[Homer shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe.]''
:'''Homer:''' Aftershock!
:''[Homer shakes again.]''
:'''Ned:''' Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino?
:'''Homer:''' Shut up, Flanders.
:'''Bart:''' Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
:'''Homer:''' Well said, boy.
:''[Homer and Bart high five and Homer prepares to hammer Bart's fingers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Steady....
:''[He falls through the roof and Bart laughs. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazine. Lisa is in the neighborhood, knocking on doors to talk about Springfield Lake. However, every time she is denied.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev...
:'''Women:''' Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
:'''Lisa:''' Lake Springfield—
:''[Lisa sighs. Martin, his parents, Bumblebee Man, his dog, and the Sea Captain close and lock their doors, and the Sea Captain drives away with his houseboat.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want.
:'''Lisa:''' Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.
:'''Milhouse:''' Hey, I am VERY passionate about the Planet!
:'''Nelson:''' ''[threatening to punch Milhouse]'' Say Global Warming is a myth!
:'''Milhouse:''' It's a myth, further study is needed!
:''[Nelson knocks down Milhouse.]''
:'''Nelson:''' That's for selling out your beliefs!
:''[Nelson storms off. Lisa goes to console him but quickly notices someone else to talk about the environment.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, poor Milhouse.
:'''Milhouse:''' Dream coming true...
:'''Colin:''' Are you aware that a leaky facet can waste over—
:'''Lisa:''' Two thousand gallons a year?
:'''Colin:''' And turning off lights can save—
:'''Lisa:''' Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
:'''Colin:''' And if we just kept our thermostats at 68 in winter—
:'''Lisa:''' We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!
:'''Colin:''' I'm Colin.
:'''Lisa:''' I haven't seen you at school.
:'''Colin:''' Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
:'''Lisa:''' Is he...?
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' I just thought, because you're Irish and you care about...
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' Do you play?
:'''Colin:''' Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[thinking in echo]'' He's pure gold. For once in your life. be cool.
:'''Colin:''' So is your name as pretty as your face?
:''[Lisa gets embarrassed and faints.]''
:'''Colin:''' You okay there?
:''[Marge watch the recording as Comic Book Guy did and write down what Grampa said.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[in video]'' Twisted tail, A thousand eyes, TRAPPED FOREVER!!! EPA, EPA!!!
:'''Marge:''' EPA, what could that be?
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. '''EEE-PAH!'''
:'''Marge:''' Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Out in the garden, Bart is shooting Homer with a BB gun while Homer carries around bricks. A Fox commercial appears at the bottom.]''
:'''Homer:''' D'oh! D'oh! Why did I suggest this?
:''[Timer rings.]''
:'''Homer:''' All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back... ''[Bart picks up his skateboard]'' ''naked''!
:'''Bart:''' How naked?
:'''Homer:''' Fourth base.
:'''Bart:''' But girls might see my doodle.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you'll wake up to &quot;Good morning, chicken.&quot; At your wedding, I'll sing... ''[sings ''Here Comes the Bride'' with chicken voice]'' Bawk Bawk Ba-Bawk, Bawk Bawk Bawk-
:''[Bart sets off through town on his skateboard naked.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bawk?
:''[The last note Homer sings in the chicken song has its pitch raised as Homer sees Bart.]''
:'''Ralph:''' I like men now!
:''[Agnes urges residents not to look at Bart's private parts.]''
:'''Agnes Skinner:''' Don't look where I'm pointing!
:''[The police see that Bart is naked and start to chase him.]''
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Stop in the name of American squeamishness!
:''[Lou fires a shot. It hits the wheel of Bart's skateboard. The skateboard comes to a halt and Bart flies off through the air. The scene switches to Ned, Rod and Todd eating at Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
:''[Bart flies on to the window, with Ned's french fry covering his private parts.]''
:'''Ned:''' '''...PENIS!!'''
:'''Rod and Todd:''' Bountiful penis.
:'''Todd:''' Amen.
:''[Eddie and Lou scrape Bart's body off the window of Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Lou:''' Uh, listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, But, you know, it's the law.
:''[Lou takes Bart down from the window and straps him naked to a lamp-post.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Lunchtime!
:'''Bart:''' You can't just leave me out here.
:'''Lou:''' Don't worry, we found a friend for you to play with.
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw! Haw haw! Haw haw!
:''[It becomes evening, and Nelson starts to get tired of laughing.]''
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw... Haaw... haw... Haaw... haw.
:''[Mrs. Muntz walks up to Nelson.]''
:'''Mrs. Muntz:''' Nelson, honey, where have you been? ''[she sees Bart]'' Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
:''[Homer drives up to Krusty Burger in his car.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad!
:'''Homer:''' What seems to be the problem, officers?
:'''Bart:''' Tell him you dared me to do it!
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.
:''[Homer comes out of the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[slowly]'' And what happens to me if it's my fault?
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.
:'''Homer:''' It was all his idea! He's out of control, I tell you! ''[pretends to cry]'' I'm at my wits' end! It's so....
:''[Bart glares.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' See you in court, kid.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
:'''Bart:''' Did you at least bring my clothes?
:''[Homer gives him his shirt and socks.]''
:'''Homer:''' Shirt, socks, everything you need.
:'''Bart:''' You didn't bring my pants!
:'''Homer:''' Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
:'''Bart:''' This is the worst day of my life...
:'''Homer:''' The worst day of your life ''so far''!
:''[Homer and Bart go into the Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Say, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' What do you want, Flanders?
:'''Ned:''' If you need pants, I carry an extra pair, I mean. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees.
:''[Ned gives him pants.]''
:'''Bart:''' Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.
:'''Ned:''' We're neighbors. I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.
:''[Homer steals french fries from Flanders.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thank you.
:''[Homer eats a hamburger noisily.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, what's with you?
:''[As he asks, he accidently spits on Bart. Bart wipes it off, annoyed.]''
:'''Bart:''' You really wanna know?
:'''Homer:''' Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about... ''[sees a pig wearing a chef hat]'' ...a pig wearing a hat!
:''[Krusty is starring in a commercial, holding a burger.]''
:'''Director:''' Action.
:'''Krusty:''' Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, with my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. lf you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
:''[Krusty laughs and munches on the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty''': Mmm!
:'''Director:''' And we're clear.
:''[Krusty spits out the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
:''[A knife is raised to the pig. It squeals.]''
:'''Homer:''' What...?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
:''[The song ''Happy Together'' plays and Homer imagines his life with the pig.]''
:'''Homer:''' You're coming home with me.
:''[In the kitchen [[Maggie Simpson|Maggie]] plays ''Baby Blast''.]''
:'''Marge:''' ''A thousand eyes.'' What could that be?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.
:''[Homer comes in and shows after a while the pig. Marge looks at the words as she wrote down as Grampa said in the church.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
:'''Marge:''' Actually, it's aged me horribly.
:'''Homer:''' Then say hello to the newest Simpson.
:''[Marge gasps and spots the &quot;twisted tail&quot; on the pig, the first part of Grampa's warning.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer! ''[Homer and pig were in carrot. He walks to Homer and pig eats his carrots.]'&quot; I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you're gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you.
:''[The Pig screams.]''
:'''Homer:''' You nailed her. He also does me.
:''[The Pig burps. Marge laughing.]''
:'''Homer:''' You smiled. I'm off the hook.
:''[Homer is in Bart's room and chambers the pig's hair.]''
:'''Homer''': Oh.
: ''[Homer humming in last chambers the pig's hair. In outside are Bart and looking on them.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you have so many looks.
:''[Bart sighs and she Ned put to sleep his children.]''
:'''Bart:''' So that's what snug is.
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Homer makes fart sounds on the pig's stomach.]''
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Bart is aiming his slingshot against Homer, but stops when he hears Ned some are by the window.]''
:'''Ned:''' Rough day, huh, son?
:'''Bart:''' You don't know what rough is, sister.
:'''Ned:''' Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing?
:''[Bart thinks of when he was fishing with Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
:'''Homer:''' If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity.
:''[Homer stops an electrician fly trap in the water and the fish float to the surface.]''
:'''Homer:''' I think I have a nibble. ''[eats a fish then gets electrocuted]''
:'''Bart:''' I think fishing might be more fun with you.
:'''Ned:''' Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa?
:'''Bart:''' No way. Cocoa's for wusses.
:'''Ned:''' Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.
:''[When Ned went off takes Bart the mug with cocoa that Ned did and eats it in the garden.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, my God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge cleans the floor in the hallway and then sees that it is dirty on the ceiling.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part! He loves the environment! Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's got an Irish brogue! No, no, wait, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's not imaginary!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
:''[Homer let the pig go in the ceiling.]''
:'''Homer:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig.
:''[Bart and Ned are fishing.]''
:'''Bart:''' Are we having fun yet?
:'''Ned:''' We are now. You've got a bite.
:'''Bart:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bart drops the pole and Bart begins to strangle himself.]''
:'''Ned:''' Oh, no, my good pole!
:'''Bart:''' ''[chokes but then stops]'' Huh? You're not strangling me.
:'''Ned:''' What the? Strangling's only good for.... Well, it's not good for anything. I think the only time you should lay hands on a boy is if you're give him a good old pat on the back.
:''[Ned gives Bart a pat on the back and Bart wants him to do it again.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hey, what the hell are you? Ah. One more time.
:''[In the lake loses Krusty the flop sweat, Crazy Cat Lady washes the cats and Moe empty bottles and Barney in the lake.]''
:'''Barney:''' Honey, I'm home.
:''[Lisa sees it and gets angry and destroys her poster. In Springfield Town Hall is &quot;Lisa Simpson Presents: An Irritating Truth&quot;.]''
:'''Lisa:''' We are at the tipping point, people. If we don't do something now....
:''[Colin plays on a guitar.]''
:'''Lisa:''' I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Agreed.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay, so here's the bottom line: If we don't change our ways right now pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level.
:''[Lisa starts a scissor lift some stops quickly.]''
:'''Lenny:''' That's not so bad.
:'''Lisa:''' No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone?
:''[The lift goes up and down.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Hell, yeah. We need a new one of those things.
:'''Joe Quimby:''' All in favor of a new, scissor lift, say ''aye.''
:'''Group:''' Aye.
:'''Lisa:''' No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
:''[The audiences spits out the water.]''
:'''Moe:''' This is why we should hate kids!
:'''Joe Quimby:''' This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black.
:'''Lenny:''' Black? That's the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
:'''Carl Carlson:''' I get it all the time.
:''[The lake emptied of littering. The newspaper &quot;Springfield Shopper&quot; it says &quot;Springfield Clean Up Act.&quot; Fat Tony and his fellow conspirators come with a carpet that he intends to dump.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
:'''Fat Tony:''' Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.
:'''Lou:''' Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' I thought that too, until he said ''yard trimmings.'' You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
:''[A wall is around the lake.]''
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. Cletus.
:'''Cletus:''' Yessum?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Try to dump something in the lake.
:'''Cletus:''' Okay.
:''[Cletus tries to dump a possum in the lake but the wall keeps blocking him.]''
:'''Cletus:''' I can't. I simply can't.
:'''Builder #1:''' Brilliant.
:'''Builder #2:''' Very effective.
:''[Homer and Spider-Pig watching TV where Bumblebee Man gets a kiss from a donkey for a Peso, and speak Spanish.]''
:'''Bumblebee Man:''' Ay ay ay! Un burro amoroso!
:'''Homer:''' Don't get any ideas. Huh?
:''[Pig and Homer laughs and Marge enters.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension.
:'''Marge:''' What's going on here?
:'''Homer:''' Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Marge:''' I'm not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings?
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry. I've devised a most elegant solution.
:''[Homer shows a silo with faeces on the property.]''
:'''Marge:''' Oh, it's leaking.
:'''Homer:''' It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
:'''Marge:''' He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
:'''Homer:''' Well, I helped.
:''[Homer thinks of a monkey some forces him to listen to Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy for your mind to wander… ''[thinking about monkey playing cymbals]'' but I want you to really concentrate on me. ''[monkey put down his cymbal, and pointing him]'' I can't escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Marge. I will.
:'''Marge:''' You can take Spider-Pig with you!
:'''Homer:''' He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
:''[Homer sits in the car with Spider-Pig and get's a call with his cell phone. Lenny is outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]].]''
:'''Homer:''' Hello.
:'''Lenny:''' Homer, you gotta get over here. The health inspector just shut down the doughnut store, they're giving out free doughnuts!
:'''Homer:''' Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first.
:'''Lenny:''' Well, you better hurry. They're going fast.
:''[Outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]] get's Wiggum accidentally shoot a shot near his own mouth.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Whoa, that was close.
:''[Homer drives off the lake and dump waste into the lake after he destroyed the wall. The lake is poisoned.]''
:'''Homer:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Skull:''' Evil!
:''[Homer sits in the back of the car but changing location and drive away.]''
:'''Homer:''' Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right.
:''[A squirrel get's hunted down into the lake and get more eyes when it comes up. Ned and Bart are climbing up on a mountain.]''
:'''Ned:''' Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah.
:'''Ned:''' And if you look real close, you can almost... yaah!
:''[Ned sees the squirrel that jumped in the lake.]''
:'''Ned:''' Well, this certainly seems odd but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh! We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.
:''[Bart beats the squirrel's eyes.]''
:'''Bart:''' Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime.
:'''Ned:''' Who are you?
:'''E.P.A-women:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:''[E.P.A taking caring about the squirrel and go away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Russ Cargill come to the White House and meets the president.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[first words]'' Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A, here to see the president. Mr. President.
:'''[[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]:''' Ja, that is me.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Ach! I hate this job. Everything's &quot;crisis&quot; this and &quot;end of the world&quot; that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss [[Danny DeVito]].
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one.
:''[Russ shows the squirrel for president who gets frightened.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Aah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You know, sir, when you made me head of the E.P.A you were applauded for appointed one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I’m listening.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery...
:''[Russ shows five option blocks.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I pick number three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You don't wanna read them first?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!
:''[A helicopter with a glass dome will of Springfield and all residents are surprised and afraid. Gabbo truly amazed, church, and Moe's Tavern changing population and Milhouse swallows his inhaler. Martin Prince is in the playground and flies away.]''
:'''Martin Prince, Jr.:''' We're being sealed in a dome!
:'''Man:''' What do I do? Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I’m trapped! If I leave, I’m alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-
:''[The man gets crushed. Simpsons sees what happens and it says the E.P.A. on the helicopter.]''
:'''Marge:''' EPA, EPA! ''Trapped forever.'' It's all come true.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' That crazy old man in church was right.
:'''Homer: ''DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!'''''
:''[Springfield's population is towards to the dome and the SPD appears.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' All right, men, open fire.
:''[S.P.D. shoots against the dome. The gunshot nozzles back and hit them.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Who's hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude.
:'''Professor Frink:''' People! People! I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill which can cut through anything.
:'''Group:''' Hey, that's cool.
:'''Professor Frink:''' It’s right there...just outside of the dome.
:''[The group groans and Sideshow Mel hit his hair bone against the dome.]''
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
:''[Russ shows up on a TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the E.P.A.
:'''Moe:''' The what?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:'''Lenny:''' Come again?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look. I’m a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
:'''Man:''' Whoo! Springfield!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
:'''Krusty:''' Drama Queen?!?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' To prevent your poisons from spreading your government has sealed you all with in this dome. ''[Group gasps.]'' Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I do own the company that makes the dome, but that's beside the point.
:'''Moe:''' What are you telling us that we're trapped like rats?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like carrots.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait. We couldn't be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Apparently someone didn't get the message.
:'''Homer:'''Act natural.
:'''Carl:''' Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
:''[In a car disappears Springfield from the G.P.S.]''
:'''G.P.S:''' Coming up on your right: Nothing.
:''[Kent Brockman run the Springfield News and fixes his head.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. ''[Wrong head.]'' Moment, please. ''[Put the pen back on his head.]'' Now, as always, we end our news on ''The Lighter Side.'' It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
:''[Swallows collides with the dome and cats are outside. Marge is in the garden and discovers that Maggie is outside the dome.]''
:'''Marge:''' I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie?
:''[Homer watching TV and Marge get him.]''
:'''TV Commercial:''' We've got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener, all your dome needs at Dome Depot. Located at the 105 and the dome.
:'''Women Chorus''': Dome Depot.
:'''Marge:''' Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
:''[Homer comes out with Marge and see that Maggie is in the sandbox.]''
:'''Marge:''' Maggie was right there, just outside the dome.
:''[Homer see him self reflected in the dome and goes into the house in the belief that he was out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge, she's right here.
:'''Marge:''' Huh?
:'''Homer:''' This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and... Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I'll write to you. Lead good lives! ''[realizes]'' Ohhh!
:''[Maggie ports sighs and out through the dome by being in the sandbox. Marge and Homer go inside. On the TV broadcasts Kent Brockman from Springfield Lake and Homer laughs but gets shocked when his silo appears.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Good evening, this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield.
:'''Homer:''' That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town.
:'''Homer:''' I know. It's weird.
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Just a reminder, this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will.
:''[Picture on Homer with text &quot;Get Him!&quot; shows.]''
:'''Marge:''' You didn't listen to me after I warned you.
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What's that ominous glow in the distance?
:''[The mob goes with flaming torches against the family's house.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
:'''Homer:''' ''[looking at the angry mob]'' Marge! Look! Those idiots don't even know where we live!
:''[The mob hear Homer and turns.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 
:'''Homer:''' D'oh...!
:'''The mob:''' We want Homer, we want Homer!
:''[Lisa comes to Homer and turn him loose in his stomach.]''
:'''Lisa:''' You monster, you monster!
:'''Homer:''' Did you see the news?
:'''Marge:''' Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.
:'''Lisa:''' But I’m so angry.
:'''Marge:''' You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
:'''Homer:''' I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
:'''Carl:''' No, we won't. We just want (you,) Homer!
:'''Homer:''' Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I'm part of the mob!
:''[The mob comes into the house.]''
:'''Krusty''' Teeny! Take out the baby.
:''[Teeny goes to Maggie, but she is willing to attack and Teeny turns. Lisa sees Colin in the mob and at he is holding a flower bouquet that Carl set fire to and Lisa sighs.]''
:'''Carl:''' Here, let me get that for you.
:''[Homer nailed the door and mimics a chainsaw, but the mob can see he mimics and continues to try to get into the room.]''
:'''Homer:''' Stay back, I got a chainsaw! ''[He starts making chainsaw noises and then they see him through the holes and Homer stops]'' Uh oh.
:''[Ned set a plank between him and the Simpsons' house.]''
:'''Ned:''' Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
:'''Bart:''' But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
:'''Ned:''' I’m sure your father would do the same for...
:''[Bart stares at Ned.]''
:'''Ned:''' Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
:''[Schoolchildren aim with bows.]''
:'''Seymour Skinner:''' Archers.
:'''Nelson:''' I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill.
:'''Homer:''' No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die.
:''[Plopper goes to the window and pushes the board into the ground. The family falls and runs away. Homer finds a shrimp some he eats.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
:''[The family sits in the car, Marge runs into the house briefly to clean up and pick an important thing.]''
:'''Marge:''' Wait! There's something I have to get.
:'''Homer:''' What'd you get?
:'''Marge:''' Our wedding video.
:'''Homer:''' We have a wedding video?
:'''Krusty:''' Torch his gas tank!
:''[Homer drives off, but discovers that the mob lift the car. They preparing to hang the family and they get up in Bart's treehouse, but Homer can not handle it and gets attacked.]''
:'''Homer:''' We lost them.
:'''Bart:''' Up here.
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Get them! Get them!
:'''Homer:''' Little help? You know, the word ''apology'' is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
:''[They try to tear down the tree and Maggie pointing to the sandbox. Maggie hopes in the sandbox and go away.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, what are we gonna do?
:'''Marge:''' Maggie, not now. We'll play later.
:'''Marge:''' The sinkhole. Follow me, kids!
:''[The family jumps after but Homer gets stuck in the beginning and start to digging.]''
:'''Bart:''' Geronimo!
:'''Lisa:''' Sacajawea!
:'''Homer:''' So long, losers!
:'''Moe:''' The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it!
:''[Everything around the house gets destroyed and all against to the sinkhole.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Well, they're China's problem now.
:''[Outside the dome sees Lisa, Colin how is plays music for her. Colin writes the note for &quot;Lisa's Song&quot; on the dome and Lisa humming it.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin! ''[Colin playing his guitar in silent]'' I can't hear you! Oh! ''[to Colin]'' I'd never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is—
:'''Bart:''' ''[singing]'' ''Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!''
:''[Lisa beats Bart in the face.]''
:'''Lisa:''' ...perfect.
:''[The family hear cars coming and flees. E.P.A-cars arrive.]''
:'''Marge:''' What do we do?
:'''Homer:''' Now we run.
:'''E.P.A.-man:''' I’m afraid we lost them, sir.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Damn it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,OOO tough guys and I want 10,OOO soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here's how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Sir, I’m afraid you've gone mad with power.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Of course I have. You ever try going mad without power? It's boring! No one listens to you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family is at the Red Rash Inn and Marge are hiding from a E.P.A helicopter and see two police officers, however they are interested in each other instead of her. Marge enters the room and sees Bart with a bottle.]''
:'''Marge:''' Bart, are you drinking Whiskey?
:'''Bart:''' I’m troubled.
:'''Marge:''' Bart!
:'''Bart:''' I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
:'''Marge:''' You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man.
:''[Bart drink bottle and running around the room.]''
:'''Bart:''' I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
:'''Marge:''' Where's your father?
:'''Lisa:''' He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
:''[Homer is outside the door and the family opens the door when he can not remember the code.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, guys? What's the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
:'''Marge:''' It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake.
:''[Homer shows with his body that he did not know.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' I don't know what to tell you, Marge. I don't think about things. I respect people who do but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again.
:'''Marge:''' Oh...
:''[Maggie and Lisa are looking at Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' I mean, oh.
:'''Homer:''' Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry, I’ve prepared with a solution. I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly, we'd need a backup plan. And that plan is right here!
:''[Homer looks into his wallet and get a &quot;Get Out Of Jail Free&quot; and &quot;Basketball Card&quot; before he finds what he search for and shows a poster from Alaska.]''
:'''Homer:''' No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Uh, Ta... da!
:'''Lisa:''' Alaska?
:'''Homer:''' Alaska. A place where you can't be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: Let's see your high school equivalency certificate.
:'''Marge:''' I don't know, Homie.
:'''Homer:''' I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone. And live really come to like you guys.
:'''Marge:''' I just don't see it.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: ''l need you to do this with me.'' And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
:''[Homer holds out his hand and Marge grabs it with her hand.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, Homie, I’m with you.
:'''Homer:''' Thank you, my sweetheart.
:'''Bart:''' Mom?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, honey?
:'''Bart:''' You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
:'''Homer:''' You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Bart:''' How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
:'''Homer:''' All right, son. If you don't believe in me, believe in America.
:''[Homer shows what is available outside the hotel window and the image is panned to an amusement park.]''
:'''Homer:''' America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked.
:''[The family is at an amusement park.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.
:'''Homer:''' What's the catch?
:'''Tivoli-man:''' No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $10.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, how much money do we have?
:'''Marge:''' $10.
:'''Homer:''' Whooh!
:''[Homer tries but fails.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' That counts as a try. ''[Another failed attempt]'' That's two. ''[Another failed attempt]'' And that's three. Here's what I'll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself - I'll give you one on the house.
:'''Homer:''' You're the best.
:'''Lisa:''' Dad! When you get to the top, don't slow down, speed up!
:'''Homer:''' But that's when it's the scariest.
:'''Lisa:''' Just do it!
:''[Homer takes courage and success and the audience cheers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh! Oh! Whooh!
:'''Bart:''' Yes!
:'''Lisa:''' Yay, Dad!
:'''Homer:''' I'll take that truck now.
:''[Homer gets the car keys from the Tivoli-man and a Siamese female beats with a rolling pin.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
:''[The family drives off in the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Next stop, Alaska!
:''[At Moe's Tavern, they look at the television and the power goes and Moe loses first all the beers and after that everything else.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
:'''Moe:''' Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay.
:''[The family thought the car and Marge and Bart are in the shop.]''
:'''Marge:''' I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. You are, aren't you?
:'''Bart:''' I'll prove it.
:''[Bart shoots with is slingshot away Homer's hot dog as he eats and he begins eating a new one.]''
:'''Marge:''' We're giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to... Oh, my God.
:''[Marge sees a wanted sign with them and try to get the cashier to not see the sign so Bart graffiti on it so it looks like another family.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Can I help you?
:'''Marge:''' We need diapers.
:'''Cashier:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' No. No, we don't. We don't. Ladies' razorblades.
:'''Cashier:''' Right.
:'''Marge:''' No! No. No, we don't. I forgot, we're European.
:'''Cashier:''' Aha!
:'''Marge:''' Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That's right. That's what we need. That's all we came in for.
:'''Cashier:''' Sure.
:''[Bart then draws wacky designs on the wanted poster, giving Homer a droopy mustache and wacky slick hair, Marge a blue Alfredo and buckteeth, Bart himself thicker eyebrows and buckteeth, Lisa an eye patch and buckteeth, and Maggie straight, blue hair. The cashier spots a family that is similar to the doodle and points at them.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Oh, my God. There-There they are!
:''[The other family were apprehended by the E.P.A and Simpsons drives away and Bart laughs. In Springfield, it will be power outages and Mr. Burns met three representatives on his home.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' So...you want some of my [[w:Electric|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
:'''Dr. Julius Hibbert:''' The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''Lives lost.'' Go on.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Tempting. Tempting.
:'''Apu:''' Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you'll find the answer.
:''[Smithers frantically shakes his head and waves his hands in protest. Outside Burns' mansion, Julius, Wiggum, and Apu are chased out by the hounds.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' First door on the right.
:'''Apu:''' Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family comes to Alaska and it is nothing like the poster so Homer puts the poster on the car window.]''
:'''Homer:''' What? This isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that's better.
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:''[Marge takes off the poster, the family goes down a cliff and screams. When they landed they see at they are there.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
:'''Custom man:''' Welcome to Alaska. Here's $1000.
:'''Homer:''' Well, it's about time! But why?
:'''Custom man:''' We pay every resident $1000 to allow oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
:''[Homer kissing the customs man some waving them away.]''
:'''Homer:''' I’m home!
:'''Custom man:''' Oh, thanks.
:''[Lisa and Bart are out in the snow and Homer are on the way home after picking firewood. Bart claps so there will be avalanches.]''
:'''Lisa:''' What are you doing, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' Eh, just passing the time.
:'''Homer:''' My boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
:'''Lisa:''' But, Dad...
:'''Homer:''' Clap for Alaska!
:''[Lisa clap too, so it becomes more avalanches. Homer runs into the house to avoid the snow.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true.
:''[Homer and Marge get prepare to love and be pampered by the animals. Bird says, &quot;We're going to need more birds.&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[In Springfield are Kent makes reports.]''
:'''Kent:''' Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low who knows what spark will set off this powder keg?
:''[In Springfield Book Club.]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy:''' Okay. Let's discuss ''Tuesdays with Morrie''.
:'''Cookie Kwan:''' Again? lf we don't get a new book, I’m going to puke.
:'''Lindsay Naegle:''' You're the five people I’m going to meet in hell!
:''[There will be trouble and in the AA on the church get their coffee machine destroyed.]''
:'''Barney:''' We're out of coffee! I can't take another minute in this dome!
:''[The residents of Springfield are moving towards the dome and try to destroy it and Stampy makes a crack in it.]''
:'''Ralph:''' Take that. Oh, no! Blowback!
:''[Russ shows for the president what they do.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look what they're doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' A crack?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Exactly. First let me stick to the Problem. People got out of the dome before, they're gonna get out again. And when they do, there's gonna be hearings, investigations....
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Gotten Himmel! I’ll have to go back to making family comedies. Ach!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don't have to read them. You'll have deniability. I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' No. I need to know what I’m approving.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Okay, I pick three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Try again.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' One.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Go higher.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Five?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Too high.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Three?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You said three.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Six?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There is no six.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Two?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Double it.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Four!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' As you wish, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Alaska watch the family the TV.]''
:'''[[Tom Hanks]]' voice:''' Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
:'''TV Dad:''' Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
:'''TV Girl:''' It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
:'''TV Boy:''' Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
:'''Marge:''' That's where Springfield is!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
:'''Bart:''' Did you see that?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
:'''Homer:''' I’m happy here. Screw Springfield!
:'''Marge:''' I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
:'''Marge:''' It was 7 at night.
:'''Homer:''' It was during access Hollywood.
:'''Marge:''' Which is on at 4 and 7.
:'''Homer:''' D'oh!
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
:'''Bart:''' Flanders helped when we were in trouble.
:'''Homer:''' Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.
:'''Bart:''' I wish he was.
:'''Homer:''' You don't mean that. You worship me.
:''[Bart shows he designed the Flanders on a picture of Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly.
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why, you little! I'll strangle-angle you!
:''[Homer strangles Bart and Marge interrupts and gives Homer her hand.]''
:'''Bart:''' Diddily-diddily.
:'''Marge:''' Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer... in every marriage, you get one chance to say: &quot;l need you to do this with me.&quot;
:'''Homer:''' That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
:'''Marge:''' Homer Simpson!
:'''Lisa:''' We're saving Springfield!
:'''Homer:''' Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again.
:''[Homer leaves the house and the rest of the family is looking out and Bart tries to show the picture at Ned for him.]''
:'''Homer:''' I have spoken! Hmph!
:''[Homer visits Eski Moe's and plays Grand Theft Walrus.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, I guess live let her worry about me long enough.
:''[Homer lifts home and discovers that the house is empty.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids? Huh?
:''[Homer finds a video cassette with the text &quot;Play me the VCR,&quot; and he do that. In the movie are Marge talking.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, ''Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.''
:''[Homer laughs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Way back.
:'''Marge:''' Lately. what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because....
:'''Homer:''' Because?
:'''Marge:''' Well. that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye. Homie.
:''[Homer looks at what is left of the wedding video.]''
:'''Marge:''' I love you.
:''[Homer leaves the house.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids?
:''[Homer faints on an ice floe. Sign saying &quot;To be continued&quot; appears. Sign saying &quot;Immediately&quot; appears. Homer lies in the snow where a polar bear going to attack him but is frightened by a woman in gibberish. Bear sighs and push a fox with his foot. He takes care of Homer. The rest of the family is on a train.]''
:'''Bart:''' So, Mom, what's our plan?
:'''Marge:''' What are you doing up there?
:'''Bart:''' Looking through people's luggage. ''[with a squeaky voice]'' I’m the mascot of an evil corporation.
:''[Bart laughs.]''
:'''Marge:''' Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[whispers]'' I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.
:'''Marge:''' Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.
:''[The conductor is connected to the National Security Agency, where they listen to the calls in the U.S..]''
:'''Woman #1 on Phone:''' Hi. I’m calling about your Meat Lover's pizza. I like meat, but I don't know if I’m ready to love again.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' You hang up first.
:'''Man on Phone:''' No, you hang up first.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' Okay.
:'''Man on Phone:''' She hung up on me!
:'''Lisa:''' But we're fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.
:'''NSA-man''' ''[Shouting and cheering]'' Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah!
:''[Homer wakes up with a woman in a tent.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Homer Simpson, do you know why you are here?
:'''Homer:''' Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Drink this liquid.
:''[Homer drinks a liquid that gives a fire in his mouth.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[screams, then calmly]'' More, please. ''[drinks a liquid some more]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Now we will cleanse your spirit by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
:'''Homer:''' Throat singing?
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]''
:'''Homer:''' How long are we doing this?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Until you have an epiphany.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing again.]''
:'''Homer:''' What's an epiphany?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Sudden realization of great truth.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing another again. Homer gets a vision of where he goes around and divided into pieces and is beaten.]''
:'''Singers:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He's a Spider-Pig
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Unless you have an epiphany you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
:'''Homer:''' Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. ''[The ghostly hans slap him in the face]'' Americans will never embrace soccer? ''[Gets slapped again]'' More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself? ''[gets slapped again, then disembodied.]'' Hey, what are you doing? ''[His body parts begin to melt]'' Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don't care about myself anymore. ''[his body parts reverse the melting process and back to normal face]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Because...?
:'''Homer:''' Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. ''[tree's hand in shaking]'' In order to save myself I have to save Springfield! That's it! Isn't it?
:''[Homer is acclaimed put his body back to normal by applause and cheering before Homer shakes his tree's hand, back in present, he do a throat singing once again, he wakes from the vision.]''
:'''Homer:''' That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady.
:''[Homer hugs the Medicine Woman and walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The train arrives at Seattle and family lower the head when they see Russ Cargill.]''
:'''Marge:''' This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us?
:''[E.P.A enters the car and take care of them.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Yes, I did.
:''[Homer go dog sledding and whips the dogs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run!
:''[Homer thank the dogs some attacked him before Homer gets lonely after the dogs leave him.]''
:'''Homer:''' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just- Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs runs away]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
:''[Homer goes into a blizzard and talking to himself.]''
:'''Homer:''' Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can't. I can't keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can't! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what's the point? It’s hopeless.
:''[Homer faints in the snow and discovers an aurora with Medicine Woman some showing with her breasts where he should go.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Don't give up, Homer. You are closer than you think.
:'''Homer:''' But which way do I go? ''[Medicine Woman shakes his clothing from side to side, he stops]'' Much obliged.
:''[Homer are outside Springfield and see an E.P.A-car and hear Lisa play wit her saxophone.]''
:'''Guard:''' Ten-hut!
:''[Homer looks at binoculars, he looks]''
:'''Homer:''' Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do?
:''[Homer sees a work vehicle and the car with the family stops in front of a Sop-sign.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #1:''' There's something strange about that ''sop'' sign.
:''[Homer drive the work vehicle and intend to save the family but fails.]''
:'''Bart:''' Did you hear something?
:'''Lisa:''' Probably just a moth.
:'''Marge:''' I hope it's okay.
:''[Homer gets hit by ball on the vehicle and travels back and forth before he falls to the ground.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Look, we can't keep stopping at every ''stop,'' ''yield'' or ''one way'' sign. Just move on.
:''[The car drive away. Bart tries to get the driver to release them, with the results of the family becomes anesthetized.]''
:'''Bart:''' Let us out! Let us out!
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
:'''Bart:''' I hope I do.
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, way to go, Bart.
:'''Bart:''' You stink.
:'''Lisa:''' No, you stink.
:''[The family wakes up in Springfield and they see how the city got worse, but Bart gets upset when Springfield Elementary School is left.]''
:'''Marge:''' Springfield.
:'''Bart:''' I can't believe it, but it got even crappier. ''[Springfield Town ruined and Springfield Elementary School is free]'' Oh, man.
:''[The family gets scared when they hear Moe gibberish and lots of people running around in the background and Moe appears with a hat.]''
:'''Moe:''' Oh, hi, Midge.
:'''Marge:''' Moe, what happened?
:'''Moe:''' With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here.
:'''Marge:''' Why are you dressed like that?
:'''Moe:''' Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield.
:'''Barney:''' No, you're not!
:'''Moe:''' Yes, I am!
:''[Moe causes an explosion.]''
:'''Barney:''' Okay. Hail, emperor.
:''[Russ shows up on the TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Attention. Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore. we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle.
:''[Residents cheer but gets nuts when a bomb with a time of 15 minutes is inserted into the city and residents are hiding and running away.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Which involves killing you all. ''[Residents groans]'' As I speak. we're lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst. ''[Milhouse is hiding in the bin]''
:'''Marge:''' Despite everything, I miss your father.
:'''Bart:''' Me too. His big, fat ass could shield us all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is dressed as a guard.]''
:'''Homer:''' Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately.
:'''E.P.A guard:''' Why is it written on a leaf?
:''[Homer knocks the guard and show his task list. Homer tries to climb up but fail, he find super glue and put it on his hands and stick one of his hands in his crotch, he start later to climb up for the dome.]''
:'''Homer:''' Perfect. Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cojones! Oops.
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, live gotta go find Colin.
:'''Marge:''' Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time.
:''[Homer is slippery on the dome with glue, muffled. Hibbert was playing harmonica, Lenny, Carl, Hibbert and Cletus are looking at the bomb.]''
:'''Carl:''' Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
:'''Lenny:''' Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?
:''[Cletus throats and appears.]''
:'''Cletus:''' My time to shine.
:''[Cletus start talking to Russ and the residents start to climb up on the rope some goes to the top of the dome.]''
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What do you want?
:'''Cletus:''' Um… Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Four generations of inbreeding?
:'''Cletus''': But, oh…
:'''Carl:''' I can smell fresh air.
:'''Lindsay Neagle:''' I can hear birds.
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' I taste freedom.
:'''Homer:''' Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!
:''[Homer slides down of the rope and knocks the Residents off the rope, Homer knocks the bomb off the rope with screaming and falls to the ground, Barney manages to catch the bomb safely and puts it down.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' I was tricked by an idiot!
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Goodbye.
:''[The dome TV screen ends.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[groaning]'' Homer do good?
:'''Bart:''' Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' But l...Oh. ''[sobs]'' Oh, I can't do anything right.
:''[Homer kicks at the bomb some changes from 8:23 to 4:11.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Get outta here!
:''[Homer is chased away, and Bart walks away before Comic Book Guy looks at comic books]''
:'''Comic book guy:''' I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there's only time to say: Life well spent!
:''[In the church is Ned with the kids, and Bart enters.]''
:'''Ned:''' Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
:'''Todd:''' Will Buddha be there too?
:'''Ned:''' No.
:'''Bart:''' Hey, Flanders.
:'''Ned:''' Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you're here.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if before I died I could pretend I had a father who cared for me.
:'''Ned:''' Come here, son. There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.
:''[Bart gets a hug from Ned and Todd and Rod do not like it. A robot trying to destroy the bomb but shoots himself with Clancy's gun.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You're our last hope.
:'''Bomb-disarming Robot:''' Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure! ''[Robot bomb died.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' He'd been talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
:''[Homer walk at the town and sees Marge, but collides with a tree. The tree shows at he should go up to the top of the dome and the rays show at he should do that with a scooter some lying on the ground in the city. Homer decides to give money to the tree.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the ''epipha-tree''! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice.
:''[Homer is driving the scoter and takes the bomb with a time at 2:10.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Homer? What the hell are you doing now?
:'''Homer:''' Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop.
:''[Doomsday clock shows 1:34 and Homer comes to the church where Flanders and Bart pray.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bart, son, You think you could find it in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance?
:'''Bart:''' Oh, I don't know.
:'''Ned:''' It seems to me, son, that your father's saying that he wants to spend his last minute with you.
:'''Bart:''' No! I can't do it. I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word?
:'''Rodd and Todd:''' Consistency.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' I'll let you hold the bomb.
:'''Bart:''' The man knows me.
:''[Bart go to Homer and they drive off.]''
:'''Todd:''' I wish Homer was my father.
:'''Ned:''' And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
:''[Homer and Bart travel at the moped to the top and Martin meets some bullies and beat them.]''
:'''Martin Prince:''' I've been taking your crap all my life! This feels good, no wonder you do it.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole.
:'''Bart:''' Dad, in case I miss, I’m sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
:'''Homer:''' I don't blame you, son. I wasn't much of a father, maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes, it's clear to me, it's just been one long, unbroken cycle of....
:''[Marge talk to them in a megaphone.]''
:'''Marge:''' '''SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!!!'''
:'''Bart:''' Gah!
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
:'''Otto:''' What? What's going on?
:''[Bart throws the bomb and with few seconds left and the bomb is on its way back through the hole, but it stops at the outside of the dome.]''
:'''Crowd:''' Yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! No no no no no no no no!!!!
:''[The residents are worried but get happy when it explodes. The dome begins to be destroyed and Bart and Homer drive down of the dome and scream at the edge of Springfield.]''
:'''Homer:''' We did it, boy!
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhh!
:''[The lands outside of Springfield Gorge.]''
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
:'''Homer:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Gah!
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Woo-hoo!
:''[The dome explodes completely, and Dr. Nick gets a big chunk at the body and sock off.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' It’s amazing no one was hurt.
:'''Dr. Nick:''' Bye, everybody. ''[dying groan]''
:''[Homer and Bart looks out of Springfield. Russ Cargill has a gun.]''
:'''Bart:''' Now, that was a great father-son activity!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Hello, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do '''''both''''' right now.
:'''Bart:''' Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What treasure?!
:'''Bart:''' The Treasure of Ima Wiener.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' &quot;Ima Wiener&quot;?
:''[Bart and Homer laugh]''
:'''Homer:''' Classic.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[last words]'' Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
:''[Maggie hits a rock in Russ head as he passes out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be.
:''[Maggie walks away and Lisa is in downtown Springfield looking for Colin.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin? Colin!
:'''Milhouse:''' Lisa? Colin's dead. But his last words were: Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.
:''[Colin shows up.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' I got her all warmed up for you.
:'''Lisa:''' Colin. Hi.
:'''Colin:''' Hey, you wanna go...?
:'''Lisa:''' Clean up the lake?
:'''Colin:''' Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay.
:'''Lisa:''' I like ice cream.
:''[Colin and Lisa are taking each other's hand.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
:''[Homer and Bart comes to downtown Springfield and gets acclaimed. Santa's Little Helper arrives.]''
:'''Bart:''' Boy! You survived! How?
:''[Santa's Little Helper, barks I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever.]''
:'''Bart:''' I love you too.
:''[Homer sees Marge and grab her for a ride and kiss her with Maggie in the basket.]''
:'''Marge:''' Best kiss of my life.
:'''Homer:''' Best kiss of your life so far.
:''[The town gets rebuilt and Homer are on the roof with Bart and fix the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady, steady, steady.
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:''[Bart gives Homer safety glasses.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thanks, boy. Steady.
:''[Homer nailing himself in the leg.]''
:'''Homer:''' Woo hoo! ''[remixes where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle]'' Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
:''[Homer screams and Bart laughs.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The final text starts scrolling. Burn's mansion has no possessions. The end credits roll.]''
:'''Waylon Smithers, Jr.:''' They've taken everything, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Smithers, I don't believe in suicide but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
:''[The final text will continue to roll.]''
:'''Tom Hanks:''' This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you see me in person, please, leave me be.
:''[&quot;Spider-Pig (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. &quot;Homer Suite (Film Version)&quot; is heard. The family is sitting in a cinema during the final text.]''
:'''Bart:''' Come on, Dad, let's go. I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town.
:'''Homer:''' You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names!
:'''Lisa:''' Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
:'''Lisa:''' Phew!
:'''Homer:''' Okay. Ooh, Floor popcorn.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, my God, her first word!
:'''Maggie:''' Sequel? ''[The family walks away.]''
:''[He continued to roll the credits. &quot;Giddy up Suite (Film version)&quot; is coming, and &quot;Happy Ending (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. He sings Springfield Anthem. &quot;Homer Suite (Film version in reprise)&quot; is heard. After the credits are finished, the squeaky-voiced teenaged janitor comes in and starts cleaning.]''
:'''Squeaky-voiced teen:''' Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be! Four years of film school for this?!
:''[Gracie Films logo plays.]''
:''[The End]''

== Taglines ==
* See Our Family, And Feel Better About Yours.
* For Years, Lines Have Been Drawn...And Then Colored In Yellow.

== Voice cast ==
* '''[[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]]''' – [[Homer Simpson]], [[Itchy and Scratchy|Itchy]], Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, [[Krusty the Clown]], Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, [[Sideshow Mel]], Mr. Teeny, E.P.A Official, Kissing Cop, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie
* '''[[Julie Kavner]]''' – [[Marge Simpson]], Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier
* '''[[Nancy Cartwright]]''' – [[Bart Simpson]], [[Maggie Simpson]], [[Ralph Wiggum]], [[Nelson Muntz]], Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, Woman on Phone
* '''[[w:Yeardley Smith|Yeardley Smith]]''' – [[Lisa Simpson]]
* '''[[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]]''' – Professor Frink, [[Comic Book Guy]], Moe Szyslak, [[Chief wiggum|Chief Wiggum]], Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male E.P.A Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, [[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]], Dredrick Tatum, Sea Captain, E.P.A Passenger, Robot, Dr. Nick Riviera
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – [[Itchy and Scratchy|Scratchy]], [[Mr. Burns]], Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Smithers, Toll Booth Man, Guard, Otto, Kang
* '''[[w:Pamela Hayden|Pamela Hayden]]''' – Milhouse Van Houten / Rod Flanders / Jimbo
* '''[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]''' – Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Agnes Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Crazy Cat Lady, Female E.P.A Worker, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, Girl on Phone
* '''[[w:Albert Brooks|A. Brooks]]''' – Russ Cargill
* '''[[w:Karl Wiedergott|Karl Wiedergott]]''' – Man, E.P.A Driver
* '''[[w:Marcia Wallace|Marcia Wallace]]''' – Mrs. Krabappel
* '''[[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]]''' – Martin Prince
* '''[[w:Maggie Roswell|Maggie Roswell]]''' – Helen Lovejoy
* '''[[w:Phil Rosenthal|Phil Rosenthal]]''' – TV Dad
* '''[[Billie Joe Armstrong]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[Tré Cool]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]''' – [[Green Day]]
* '''[[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]]''' – Fat Tony
* '''[[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks – Himself]]'''

== Teaser Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer #1 ===
:'''Announcer''': In 2007, leaping his way onto the silver screen. The greatest hero in American history.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Homer Simpson sitting on the couch]''
:'''Homer''': I forgot what I'm supposed to say.
:''[Cut to an early version of &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; logo on a purple background]''
:'''Announcer''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', opening worldwide, July 27, 2007.
:'''Homer''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh-oh, we better get started.
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[off-screen]'' Excellent!
:''[The title says July 27, 2007]''

=== Teaser Trailer #2 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty.... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Time to save my family!
:''[The wrecking ball is about to wreck the truck, but barely touches it; it smashes on Homer instead and smashes on many billboards then stops. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007. It then smashed again by a rock and the tie cut itself and gets slammed]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

=== Teaser Trailer #3 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady.
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye, causing him to yell in pain and Bart laughs. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007]''
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady...
:''[He falls through the roof]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

== Production quotes ==
* We're very excited about the performances in this movie. Come next Oscars, we think it's going to be Milhouse's night. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;rot&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=310882 |title=Fox Issues Official Word on &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; |accessdate=2006-04-04 |first=Scott |last=Weinberg |date=2006-04-04 |publisher=Rotten Tomatoes}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* Since 2001 we had been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2006-04-02-simpsons-movie_x.htm |title=Mmmm, popcorn: A 'Simpsons' film in '07 |accessdate=2006-04-02 |first=Scott |last=Bowles |date=[[2006-04-02]] |publisher=[[USA Today]]}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've been running a little behind schedule, but only by about 15 years. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* If I were feeling any more pressure, I'd be a diamond. ~ Al Jean&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* We're going to put some fake plots out there just to make things interesting. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;good&quot;&gt;[http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/JamesLBrooks/JamesLBrooks.html As Good As He Gets] at filmmonthly.com, December 13, 2004&lt;/ref&gt;
* The idea of the movie is that all of us who ran the show at one point, and who have been there from the beginning come together as the writing team for this movie. ~ James L. Brooks
* That trailer is running on 7000 screens this weekend, committing us to opening every place in the world on the same date, which means we'd better get started. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;var&quot;&gt;[http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117940840.html?categoryid=14&amp;cs=1 Homer going to bat in '07] at Variety.com, April 2, 2006&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've taken script security to the point of lunacy, although it helped that we wrote it in Aramaic. ~ Mike Scully
* This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say. ~ James L. Brooks
* I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume. ~ Al Jean
* The movie is a result of the very singular vision of 11 people. ~ Mike Scully
* It has been rough. We worked at it for a long time and then found out that ''Snakes on a Plane'' was doing the same story. ~ James L. Brooks

==Notes and references==
{{reflist}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://imdb.com/title/tt0462538/quotes ''The Simpsons Movie''] quotes at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]. 
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/simpsons_movie/ ''The Simpsons Movie''] at [[w:Rotten Tomatoes|Rotten Tomatoes]].

{{The Simpsons}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons Movie, The}}
[[Category:2007 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American adult animated films]]
[[Category:Adult animated films]]
[[Category:American animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:The Simpsons]]
[[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]]
[[Category:Films based on adult animated television series]]
[[Category:Screenplays by James L. Brooks]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Alaska]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Washington, D.C.]]
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{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons Movie|The Simpsons Movie]]''''' is a [[w:2007 film|2007 film]] based on ''[[The Simpsons]]'' television series.
:''Directed by [[David Silverman]]. Written by [[James L. Brooks]], [[Matt Groening]], [[w:Al Jean|Al Jean]], [[w:Ian Maxtone-Graham|Ian Maxtone-Graham]], [[w:George Meyer|George Meyer]], [[w:David Mirkin|David Mirkin]], [[w:Mike Reiss|Mike Reiss]], [[w:Mike Scully|Mike Scully]], [[w:Matt Selman|Matt Selman]], [[w:John Swartzwelder|John Swartzwelder]], and [[w:Jon Vitti|Jon Vitti]].'' This film was released July 27, 2007 in United States.
{{center|'''See our family, and feel better about yours.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]==
* ''[whips dogs while using them for dog-sledding]'' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! ''[jumps from one slope to the other side]'' Jump! Jump! Land! Land! ''[while dogs rest]'' Rest! Rest! ''[while dogs running again]'' Run! Run! ''[after stopping for the night]'' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put all that behind us and just- ''[the dogs maul him]'' That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs abandon him]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
*''[sings while playing with his pig]''
:Spider Pig. Spider Pig.
:Does whatever a Spider Pig does.
:Can he swing from a web?
:No, he can't. He's a pig.
:Look out!
:He is a Spider Pig.

== [[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]] ==
* Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
* What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
* ''[watching ad]'' That's where Springfield is!
* Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, &quot;Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.&quot;
* EPA, EPA! Trapped forever? It's all come true.

== [[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]] ==
* You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
* Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
* Eh, just passing the time.
* Dad, in case I missed, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my father.
* But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
* ''[poking mutant squirrel's eyes]'' Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

== [[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]] ==
*''[Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]'' I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an ''[with a heavy Irish accent]'' Irish brogue! ''[In normal voice]'' No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!

== Russ Cargill ==
* Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
* Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
* That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
* You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
* I was tricked by an idiot!
* ''[Last Lines]'' Well, you always leave ‘em laughing. Goodbye, sir.

== [[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]] ==
* So...you want some of my [[w:Electricity|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

== [[w:Professor Frink|Professor Frink]] ==
* ''[Springfield has been trapped inside a dome]''
* People! I have an important announcement. I have been working on a new acid-firing super-drill that can cut through anything. ''[pointing]'' It's right there...just outside of the dome.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Ralph sings Fox signature and the pictures panoramas to the moon where a spaceship lands and Scratchy comes out.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' We come in peace, for cats and mice everywhere.
:''[Itchy harm Scratchy with an American flag, laughs and crazy his helmet. Itchy travels back to Earth with Scratchy space-rocket. In the front page of &quot;The Washington Post&quot; says &quot;Mouse Hero Returns This Everything To Save Cat&quot;. Itchy gets honored and get at parade.]''
:'''Itchy:''' Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out.
:''[Itchy becomes president and sit and eat cheese in the White House and hear scratchy calling.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' Itchy.... Itchy....
:''[Itchy look at the moon on with a binoculars and sees Itchy holding a sign saying &quot;I'm telling&quot;. Itchy gets worried and gets an idea. He targeting nuclear missiles by &quot;mistake&quot; to the moon and Scratchy explodes. Homer stands up.]''
:'''Homer:''' BORING!
:''[The Simpsons family are in a theater.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, we can't see the movie.
:'''Homer:''' I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker, '''''especially'' YOU!'''
:''[Homer pointing to the viewer and the image becomes wider.]''
:'''Chorus''': The Simpsons.
:'''Professor Frink:''' ''[singing]'' Movie, on the big screen!
:''[The opening scene appears, similar to the episodes.]''
:''[In Springfield Lake are Green Day playing The Simpsons Theme and the crowd cheers. Comic Book Guy is carried but is released into the ground.]''
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Excuse me! My heinie is dipping.
:''[The music ends.]''
:'''Billie Joe:''' ''[first words in Green Day]'' All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
:''[Silence occurs and the crowd throwing bottles at them and boo them.]''
:'''Carl:''' Oh, you suck! Shut up and play!
:'''Barney:''' Preachy!
:'''Mike:''' We're not being preachy!
:'''Tré Cool:''' But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
:'''Lisa:''' I thought they touched on a vital issue.
:'''Moe:''' I beg to differ.
:'''Tré Cool:''' Oh!
:'''Mike:''' ''[last words in Green Day]'' Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
:''[Green Day starts playing Nearer, My God, to Thee and the barge sinks. Lisa looks worried.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the church of Springfield a funeral version of &quot;American Idiot&quot; is playing.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' For the latest rock band to die in our town Lord, hear our prayer.
:'''The group:''' Lord, hear our prayer.
:''[Outside the church are the Simpsons family coming.]''
:'''Marge:''' I hate being late!
:'''Homer:''' Well, I hate going! Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my deathbed?
:'''Marge:''' Homer, they can hear you inside!
:'''Homer:''' Relax, those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
:''[The Simpson family coming in and the audience staring at them. The family goes and sits down.]''
:'''Homer:''' How ya doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus!
:''[Bart plays ''Baby Blast''. Maggie takes out the game card.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now today I'd like to try something a little different. I'm going to call on one of you!
:''[Reverend Lovejoy points to the audience, they all cower down in fear, who gasp in shock, Barney screams, then cower.]&quot;''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit...
:''[Ned raises his hand.]''
:'''Ned:''' Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[unhappily, sighs]'' What is it, Ned?
:'''Ned:''' The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.
:''[Homer keeps fingers crossed and whispers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
:'''Ned:''' An immodest sense of pride in our community.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[annoyed]'' Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out...!
:''[Grampa is sleeping and wakes up when the sun hits his head and gets up and acts weird.]''
:'''Abe Simpson:''' Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen! ''[Comic Book Guy is filming that with his cell phone.]'' And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you! Whoa, Nelly! People of Springfield, HEED THIS WARNING! Twisted tail! A ''thousand eyes''! '''''TRAPPED FOREVER!.'''''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, do something!
:''[Homer flicks through the &quot;Holy Bible&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' But this book doesn't have any answers!
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[yelling, slowly]'' Beware, ''BEWARE''! Time is short, '''EPA!! EPA!!! ''EEEEEEPAAAAAA!!!!!!!''''' Believe me! '''''BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!''' [Homer rolls up the church rug around his father and carries him out the door] [cheerfully]'' Thanks for listening.
:''[The Simpsons family goes out the church with Grampa rolled in the rug and go to the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Okay, who wants waffles?
:'''Bart, Lisa and Grampa:''' I do, I do, I do!
:'''Marge:''' Wait a minute. What about Grampa?
:'''Bart:''' I want syrup!
:'''Lisa:''' I want strawberries!
:'''Marge:''' Something happened to that man.
:'''Homer:''' I'll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it.
:''[Homer kisses Grampa on the forehead.]''
:'''Marge:''' What is the point of going to church every Sunday when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I want bananas on my waffles!
:'''Homer:''' I rest my case.
:''[The family arrives, Marge goes out of the car first and then the others except Grampa.]''
:'''Marge:''' I'm not dropping this.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Wait a minute, I'm still in the car.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer looks at his list of chores. He ticks off &quot;Go to church&quot; and looks at &quot;Take out the hornets' Nest&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hmm. Take out hornets' nest.
:''[Homer takes down the hornets' nest and put it in Flanders mailbox.]''
:'''Homer:''' Check. Fix sinkhole.
:''[Homer is in the garden and put the sandbox and Maggie over the sinkhole.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''Check. Re-shingle roof?''
:''[Homer and Bart are on the ceiling and Homer tries to repair the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Owww! Owww!
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye and Bart laughs.]'' 
:'''Homer:''' Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
:''[Homer strangles Bart.]''
:'''Bart:''' You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
:'''Homer:''' What kind of fun?
:'''Bart:''' How about a dare contest?
:'''Homer:''' That sounds fun. I dare you to climb the TV antenna!
:''[Bart climbs up to the antenna]''
:'''Bart:''' Piece of cake.
:'''Homer:''' Earthquake!
:''[Homer shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe.]''
:'''Homer:''' Aftershock!
:''[Homer shakes again.]''
:'''Ned:''' Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino?
:'''Homer:''' Shut up, Flanders.
:'''Bart:''' Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
:'''Homer:''' Well said, boy.
:''[Homer and Bart high five and Homer prepares to hammer Bart's fingers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Steady....
:''[He falls through the roof and Bart laughs. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazine. Lisa is in the neighborhood, knocking on doors to talk about Springfield Lake. However, every time she is denied.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev...
:'''Women:''' Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
:'''Lisa:''' Lake Springfield—
:''[Lisa sighs. Martin, his parents, Bumblebee Man, his dog, and the Sea Captain close and lock their doors, and the Sea Captain drives away with his houseboat.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want.
:'''Lisa:''' Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.
:'''Milhouse:''' Hey, I am VERY passionate about the Planet!
:'''Nelson:''' ''[threatening to punch Milhouse]'' Say Global Warming is a myth!
:'''Milhouse:''' It's a myth, further study is needed!
:''[Nelson knocks down Milhouse.]''
:'''Nelson:''' That's for selling out your beliefs!
:''[Nelson storms off. Lisa goes to console him but quickly notices someone else to talk about the environment.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, poor Milhouse.
:'''Milhouse:''' Dream coming true...
:'''Colin:''' Are you aware that a leaky facet can waste over—
:'''Lisa:''' Two thousand gallons a year?
:'''Colin:''' And turning off lights can save—
:'''Lisa:''' Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
:'''Colin:''' And if we just kept our thermostats at 68 in winter—
:'''Lisa:''' We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!
:'''Colin:''' I'm Colin.
:'''Lisa:''' I haven't seen you at school.
:'''Colin:''' Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
:'''Lisa:''' Is he...?
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' I just thought, because you're Irish and you care about...
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' Do you play?
:'''Colin:''' Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[thinking in echo]'' He's pure gold. For once in your life. be cool.
:'''Colin:''' So is your name as pretty as your face?
:''[Lisa gets embarrassed and faints.]''
:'''Colin:''' You okay there?
:''[Marge watch the recording as Comic Book Guy did and write down what Grampa said.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[in video]'' Twisted tail, A thousand eyes, TRAPPED FOREVER!!! EPA, EPA!!!
:'''Marge:''' EPA, what could that be?
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. '''EEE-PAH!'''
:'''Marge:''' Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Out in the garden, Bart is shooting Homer with a BB gun while Homer carries around bricks. A Fox commercial appears at the bottom.]''
:'''Homer:''' D'oh! D'oh! Why did I suggest this?
:''[Timer rings.]''
:'''Homer:''' All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back... ''[Bart picks up his skateboard]'' ''naked''!
:'''Bart:''' How naked?
:'''Homer:''' Fourth base.
:'''Bart:''' But girls might see my doodle.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you'll wake up to &quot;Good morning, chicken.&quot; At your wedding, I'll sing... ''[sings ''Here Comes the Bride'' with chicken voice]'' Bawk Bawk Ba-Bawk, Bawk Bawk Bawk-
:''[Bart sets off through town on his skateboard naked.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bawk?
:''[The last note Homer sings in the chicken song has its pitch raised as Homer sees Bart.]''
:'''Ralph:''' I like men now!
:''[Agnes urges residents not to look at Bart's private parts.]''
:'''Agnes Skinner:''' Don't look where I'm pointing!
:''[The police see that Bart is naked and start to chase him.]''
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Stop in the name of American squeamishness!
:''[Lou fires a shot. It hits the wheel of Bart's skateboard. The skateboard comes to a halt and Bart flies off through the air. The scene switches to Ned, Rod and Todd eating at Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
:''[Bart flies on to the window, with Ned's french fry covering his private parts.]''
:'''Ned:''' '''...PENIS!!'''
:'''Rod and Todd:''' Bountiful penis.
:'''Todd:''' Amen.
:''[Eddie and Lou scrape Bart's body off the window of Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Lou:''' Uh, listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, But, you know, it's the law.
:''[Lou takes Bart down from the window and straps him naked to a lamp-post.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Lunchtime!
:'''Bart:''' You can't just leave me out here.
:'''Lou:''' Don't worry, we found a friend for you to play with.
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw! Haw haw! Haw haw!
:''[It becomes evening, and Nelson starts to get tired of laughing.]''
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw... Haaw... haw... Haaw... haw.
:''[Mrs. Muntz walks up to Nelson.]''
:'''Mrs. Muntz:''' Nelson, honey, where have you been? ''[she sees Bart]'' Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
:''[Homer drives up to Krusty Burger in his car.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad!
:'''Homer:''' What seems to be the problem, officers?
:'''Bart:''' Tell him you dared me to do it!
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.
:''[Homer comes out of the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[slowly]'' And what happens to me if it's my fault?
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.
:'''Homer:''' It was all his idea! He's out of control, I tell you! ''[pretends to cry]'' I'm at my wits' end! It's so....
:''[Bart glares.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' See you in court, kid.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
:'''Bart:''' Did you at least bring my clothes?
:''[Homer gives him his shirt and socks.]''
:'''Homer:''' Shirt, socks, everything you need.
:'''Bart:''' You didn't bring my pants!
:'''Homer:''' Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
:'''Bart:''' This is the worst day of my life...
:'''Homer:''' The worst day of your life ''so far''!
:''[Homer and Bart go into the Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Say, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' What do you want, Flanders?
:'''Ned:''' If you need pants, I carry an extra pair, I mean. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees.
:''[Ned gives him pants.]''
:'''Bart:''' Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.
:'''Ned:''' We're neighbors. I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.
:''[Homer steals french fries from Flanders.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thank you.
:''[Homer eats a hamburger noisily.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, what's with you?
:''[As he asks, he accidently spits on Bart. Bart wipes it off, annoyed.]''
:'''Bart:''' You really wanna know?
:'''Homer:''' Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about... ''[sees a pig wearing a chef hat]'' ...a pig wearing a hat!
:''[Krusty is starring in a commercial, holding a burger.]''
:'''Director:''' Action.
:'''Krusty:''' Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, with my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. lf you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
:''[Krusty laughs and munches on the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty''': Mmm!
:'''Director:''' And we're clear.
:''[Krusty spits out the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
:''[A knife is raised to the pig. It squeals.]''
:'''Homer:''' What...?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
:''[The song ''Happy Together'' plays and Homer imagines his life with the pig.]''
:'''Homer:''' You're coming home with me.
:''[In the kitchen [[Maggie Simpson|Maggie]] plays ''Baby Blast''.]''
:'''Marge:''' ''A thousand eyes.'' What could that be?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.
:''[Homer comes in and shows after a while the pig. Marge looks at the words as she wrote down as Grampa said in the church.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
:'''Marge:''' Actually, it's aged me horribly.
:'''Homer:''' Then say hello to the newest Simpson.
:''[Marge gasps and spots the &quot;twisted tail&quot; on the pig, the first part of Grampa's warning.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer! ''[Homer and pig were in carrot. He walks to Homer and pig eats his carrots.]'&quot; I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you're gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you.
:''[The Pig screams.]''
:'''Homer:''' You nailed her. He also does me.
:''[The Pig burps. Marge laughing.]''
:'''Homer:''' You smiled. I'm off the hook.
:''[Homer is in Bart's room and chambers the pig's hair.]''
:'''Homer''': Oh.
: ''[Homer humming in last chambers the pig's hair. In outside are Bart and looking on them.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you have so many looks.
:''[Bart sighs and she Ned put to sleep his children.]''
:'''Bart:''' So that's what snug is.
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Homer makes fart sounds on the pig's stomach.]''
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Bart is aiming his slingshot against Homer, but stops when he hears Ned some are by the window.]''
:'''Ned:''' Rough day, huh, son?
:'''Bart:''' You don't know what rough is, sister.
:'''Ned:''' Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing?
:''[Bart thinks of when he was fishing with Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
:'''Homer:''' If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity.
:''[Homer stops an electrician fly trap in the water and the fish float to the surface.]''
:'''Homer:''' I think I have a nibble. ''[eats a fish then gets electrocuted]''
:'''Bart:''' I think fishing might be more fun with you.
:'''Ned:''' Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa?
:'''Bart:''' No way. Cocoa's for wusses.
:'''Ned:''' Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.
:''[When Ned went off takes Bart the mug with cocoa that Ned did and eats it in the garden.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, my God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge cleans the floor in the hallway and then sees that it is dirty on the ceiling.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part! He loves the environment! Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's got an Irish brogue! No, no, wait, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's not imaginary!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
:''[Homer let the pig go in the ceiling.]''
:'''Homer:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig.
:''[Bart and Ned are fishing.]''
:'''Bart:''' Are we having fun yet?
:'''Ned:''' We are now. You've got a bite.
:'''Bart:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bart drops the pole and Bart begins to strangle himself.]''
:'''Ned:''' Oh, no, my good pole!
:'''Bart:''' ''[chokes but then stops]'' Huh? You're not strangling me.
:'''Ned:''' What the? Strangling's only good for.... Well, it's not good for anything. I think the only time you should lay hands on a boy is if you're give him a good old pat on the back.
:''[Ned gives Bart a pat on the back and Bart wants him to do it again.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hey, what the hell are you? Ah. One more time.
:''[In the lake loses Krusty the flop sweat, Crazy Cat Lady washes the cats and Moe empty bottles and Barney in the lake.]''
:'''Barney:''' Honey, I'm home.
:''[Lisa sees it and gets angry and destroys her poster. In Springfield Town Hall is &quot;Lisa Simpson Presents: An Irritating Truth&quot;.]''
:'''Lisa:''' We are at the tipping point, people. If we don't do something now....
:''[Colin plays on a guitar.]''
:'''Lisa:''' I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Agreed.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay, so here's the bottom line: If we don't change our ways right now pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level.
:''[Lisa starts a scissor lift some stops quickly.]''
:'''Lenny:''' That's not so bad.
:'''Lisa:''' No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone?
:''[The lift goes up and down.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Hell, yeah. We need a new one of those things.
:'''Joe Quimby:''' All in favor of a new, scissor lift, say ''aye.''
:'''Group:''' Aye.
:'''Lisa:''' No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
:''[The audiences spits out the water.]''
:'''Moe:''' This is why we should hate kids!
:'''Joe Quimby:''' This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black.
:'''Lenny:''' Black? That's the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
:'''Carl Carlson:''' I get it all the time.
:''[The lake emptied of littering. The newspaper &quot;Springfield Shopper&quot; it says &quot;Springfield Clean Up Act.&quot; Fat Tony and his fellow conspirators come with a carpet that he intends to dump.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
:'''Fat Tony:''' Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.
:'''Lou:''' Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' I thought that too, until he said ''yard trimmings.'' You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
:''[A wall is around the lake.]''
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. Cletus.
:'''Cletus:''' Yessum?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Try to dump something in the lake.
:'''Cletus:''' Okay.
:''[Cletus tries to dump a possum in the lake but the wall keeps blocking him.]''
:'''Cletus:''' I can't. I simply can't.
:'''Builder #1:''' Brilliant.
:'''Builder #2:''' Very effective.
:''[Homer and Spider-Pig watching TV where Bumblebee Man gets a kiss from a donkey for a Peso, and speak Spanish.]''
:'''Bumblebee Man:''' Ay ay ay! Un burro amoroso!
:'''Homer:''' Don't get any ideas. Huh?
:''[Pig and Homer laughs and Marge enters.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension.
:'''Marge:''' What's going on here?
:'''Homer:''' Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Marge:''' I'm not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings?
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry. I've devised a most elegant solution.
:''[Homer shows a silo with faeces on the property.]''
:'''Marge:''' Oh, it's leaking.
:'''Homer:''' It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
:'''Marge:''' He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
:'''Homer:''' Well, I helped.
:''[Homer thinks of a monkey some forces him to listen to Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy for your mind to wander… ''[thinking about monkey playing cymbals]'' but I want you to really concentrate on me. ''[monkey put down his cymbal, and pointing him]'' I can't escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Marge. I will.
:'''Marge:''' You can take Spider-Pig with you!
:'''Homer:''' He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
:''[Homer sits in the car with Spider-Pig and get's a call with his cell phone. Lenny is outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]].]''
:'''Homer:''' Hello.
:'''Lenny:''' Homer, you gotta get over here. The health inspector just shut down the doughnut store, they're giving out free doughnuts!
:'''Homer:''' Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first.
:'''Lenny:''' Well, you better hurry. They're going fast.
:''[Outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]] get's Wiggum accidentally shoot a shot near his own mouth.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Whoa, that was close.
:''[Homer drives off the lake and dump waste into the lake after he destroyed the wall. The lake is poisoned.]''
:'''Homer:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Skull:''' Evil!
:''[Homer sits in the back of the car but changing location and drive away.]''
:'''Homer:''' Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right.
:''[A squirrel get's hunted down into the lake and get more eyes when it comes up. Ned and Bart are climbing up on a mountain.]''
:'''Ned:''' Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah.
:'''Ned:''' And if you look real close, you can almost... yaah!
:''[Ned sees the squirrel that jumped in the lake.]''
:'''Ned:''' Well, this certainly seems odd but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh! We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.
:''[Bart beats the squirrel's eyes.]''
:'''Bart:''' Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime.
:'''Ned:''' Who are you?
:'''E.P.A-women:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:''[E.P.A taking caring about the squirrel and go away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Russ Cargill come to the White House and meets the president.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[first words]'' Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A, here to see the president. Mr. President.
:'''[[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]:''' Ja, that is me.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Ach! I hate this job. Everything's &quot;crisis&quot; this and &quot;end of the world&quot; that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss [[Danny DeVito]].
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one.
:''[Russ shows the squirrel for president who gets frightened.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Aah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You know, sir, when you made me head of the E.P.A you were applauded for appointed one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I’m listening.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery...
:''[Russ shows five option blocks.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I pick number three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You don't wanna read them first?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!
:''[A helicopter with a glass dome will of Springfield and all residents are surprised and afraid. Gabbo truly amazed, church, and Moe's Tavern changing population and Milhouse swallows his inhaler. Martin Prince is in the playground and flies away.]''
:'''Martin Prince, Jr.:''' We're being sealed in a dome!
:'''Man:''' What do I do? Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I’m trapped! If I leave, I’m alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-
:''[The man gets crushed. Simpsons sees what happens and it says the E.P.A. on the helicopter.]''
:'''Marge:''' EPA, EPA! ''Trapped forever.'' It's all come true.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' That crazy old man in church was right.
:'''Homer: ''DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!'''''
:''[Springfield's population is towards to the dome and the SPD appears.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' All right, men, open fire.
:''[S.P.D. shoots against the dome. The gunshot nozzles back and hit them.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Who's hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude.
:'''Professor Frink:''' People! People! I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill which can cut through anything.
:'''Group:''' Hey, that's cool.
:'''Professor Frink:''' It’s right there...just outside of the dome.
:''[The group groans and Sideshow Mel hit his hair bone against the dome.]''
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
:''[Russ shows up on a TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the E.P.A.
:'''Moe:''' The what?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:'''Lenny:''' Come again?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look. I’m a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
:'''Man:''' Whoo! Springfield!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
:'''Krusty:''' Drama Queen?!?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' To prevent your poisons from spreading your government has sealed you all with in this dome. ''[Group gasps.]'' Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I do own the company that makes the dome, but that's beside the point.
:'''Moe:''' What are you telling us that we're trapped like rats?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like carrots.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait. We couldn't be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Apparently someone didn't get the message.
:'''Homer:'''Act natural.
:'''Carl:''' Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
:''[In a car disappears Springfield from the G.P.S.]''
:'''G.P.S:''' Coming up on your right: Nothing.
:''[Kent Brockman run the Springfield News and fixes his head.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. ''[Wrong head.]'' Moment, please. ''[Put the pen back on his head.]'' Now, as always, we end our news on ''The Lighter Side.'' It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
:''[Swallows collides with the dome and cats are outside. Marge is in the garden and discovers that Maggie is outside the dome.]''
:'''Marge:''' I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie?
:''[Homer watching TV and Marge get him.]''
:'''TV Commercial:''' We've got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener, all your dome needs at Dome Depot. Located at the 105 and the dome.
:'''Women Chorus''': Dome Depot.
:'''Marge:''' Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
:''[Homer comes out with Marge and see that Maggie is in the sandbox.]''
:'''Marge:''' Maggie was right there, just outside the dome.
:''[Homer see him self reflected in the dome and goes into the house in the belief that he was out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge, she's right here.
:'''Marge:''' Huh?
:'''Homer:''' This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and... Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I'll write to you. Lead good lives! ''[realizes]'' Ohhh!
:''[Maggie ports sighs and out through the dome by being in the sandbox. Marge and Homer go inside. On the TV broadcasts Kent Brockman from Springfield Lake and Homer laughs but gets shocked when his silo appears.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Good evening, this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield.
:'''Homer:''' That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town.
:'''Homer:''' I know. It's weird.
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Just a reminder, this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will.
:''[Picture on Homer with text &quot;Get Him!&quot; shows.]''
:'''Marge:''' You didn't listen to me after I warned you.
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What's that ominous glow in the distance?
:''[The mob goes with flaming torches against the family's house.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
:'''Homer:''' ''[looking at the angry mob]'' Marge! Look! Those idiots don't even know where we live!
:''[The mob hear Homer and turns.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 
:'''Homer:''' D'oh...!
:'''The mob:''' We want Homer, we want Homer!
:''[Lisa comes to Homer and turn him loose in his stomach.]''
:'''Lisa:''' You monster, you monster!
:'''Homer:''' Did you see the news?
:'''Marge:''' Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.
:'''Lisa:''' But I’m so angry.
:'''Marge:''' You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
:'''Homer:''' I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
:'''Carl:''' No, we won't. We just want (you,) Homer!
:'''Homer:''' Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I'm part of the mob!
:''[The mob comes into the house.]''
:'''Krusty''' Teeny! Take out the baby.
:''[Teeny goes to Maggie, but she is willing to attack and Teeny turns. Lisa sees Colin in the mob and at he is holding a flower bouquet that Carl set fire to and Lisa sighs.]''
:'''Carl:''' Here, let me get that for you.
:''[Homer nailed the door and mimics a chainsaw, but the mob can see he mimics and continues to try to get into the room.]''
:'''Homer:''' Stay back, I got a chainsaw! ''[He starts making chainsaw noises and then they see him through the holes and Homer stops]'' Uh oh.
:''[Ned set a plank between him and the Simpsons' house.]''
:'''Ned:''' Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
:'''Bart:''' But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
:'''Ned:''' I’m sure your father would do the same for...
:''[Bart stares at Ned.]''
:'''Ned:''' Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
:''[Schoolchildren aim with bows.]''
:'''Seymour Skinner:''' Archers.
:'''Nelson:''' I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill.
:'''Homer:''' No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die.
:''[Plopper goes to the window and pushes the board into the ground. The family falls and runs away. Homer finds a shrimp some he eats.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
:''[The family sits in the car, Marge runs into the house briefly to clean up and pick an important thing.]''
:'''Marge:''' Wait! There's something I have to get.
:'''Homer:''' What'd you get?
:'''Marge:''' Our wedding video.
:'''Homer:''' We have a wedding video?
:'''Krusty:''' Torch his gas tank!
:''[Homer drives off, but discovers that the mob lift the car. They preparing to hang the family and they get up in Bart's treehouse, but Homer can not handle it and gets attacked.]''
:'''Homer:''' We lost them.
:'''Bart:''' Up here.
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Get them! Get them!
:'''Homer:''' Little help? You know, the word ''apology'' is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
:''[They try to tear down the tree and Maggie pointing to the sandbox. Maggie hopes in the sandbox and go away.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, what are we gonna do?
:'''Marge:''' Maggie, not now. We'll play later.
:'''Marge:''' The sinkhole. Follow me, kids!
:''[The family jumps after but Homer gets stuck in the beginning and start to digging.]''
:'''Bart:''' Geronimo!
:'''Lisa:''' Sacajawea!
:'''Homer:''' So long, losers!
:'''Moe:''' The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it!
:''[Everything around the house gets destroyed and all against to the sinkhole.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Well, they're China's problem now.
:''[Outside the dome sees Lisa, Colin how is plays music for her. Colin writes the note for &quot;Lisa's Song&quot; on the dome and Lisa humming it.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin! ''[Colin playing his guitar in silent]'' I can't hear you! Oh! ''[to Colin]'' I'd never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is—
:'''Bart:''' ''[singing]'' ''Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!''
:''[Lisa beats Bart in the face.]''
:'''Lisa:''' ...perfect.
:''[The family hear cars coming and flees. E.P.A-cars arrive.]''
:'''Marge:''' What do we do?
:'''Homer:''' Now we run.
:'''E.P.A.-man:''' I’m afraid we lost them, sir.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Damn it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,OOO tough guys and I want 10,OOO soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here's how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Sir, I’m afraid you've gone mad with power.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Of course I have. You ever try going mad without power? It's boring! No one listens to you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family is at the Red Rash Inn and Marge are hiding from a E.P.A helicopter and see two police officers, however they are interested in each other instead of her. Marge enters the room and sees Bart with a bottle.]''
:'''Marge:''' Bart, are you drinking Whiskey?
:'''Bart:''' I’m troubled.
:'''Marge:''' Bart!
:'''Bart:''' I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
:'''Marge:''' You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man.
:''[Bart drink bottle and running around the room.]''
:'''Bart:''' I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
:'''Marge:''' Where's your father?
:'''Lisa:''' He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
:''[Homer is outside the door and the family opens the door when he can not remember the code.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, guys? What's the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
:'''Marge:''' It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake.
:''[Homer shows with his body that he did not know.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' I don't know what to tell you, Marge. I don't think about things. I respect people who do but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again.
:'''Marge:''' Oh...
:''[Maggie and Lisa are looking at Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' I mean, oh.
:'''Homer:''' Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry, I’ve prepared with a solution. I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly, we'd need a backup plan. And that plan is right here!
:''[Homer looks into his wallet and get a &quot;Get Out Of Jail Free&quot; and &quot;Basketball Card&quot; before he finds what he search for and shows a poster from Alaska.]''
:'''Homer:''' No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Uh, Ta... da!
:'''Lisa:''' Alaska?
:'''Homer:''' Alaska. A place where you can't be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: Let's see your high school equivalency certificate.
:'''Marge:''' I don't know, Homie.
:'''Homer:''' I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone. And live really come to like you guys.
:'''Marge:''' I just don't see it.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: ''l need you to do this with me.'' And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
:''[Homer holds out his hand and Marge grabs it with her hand.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, Homie, I’m with you.
:'''Homer:''' Thank you, my sweetheart.
:'''Bart:''' Mom?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, honey?
:'''Bart:''' You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
:'''Homer:''' You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Bart:''' How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
:'''Homer:''' All right, son. If you don't believe in me, believe in America.
:''[Homer shows what is available outside the hotel window and the image is panned to an amusement park.]''
:'''Homer:''' America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked.
:''[The family is at an amusement park.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.
:'''Homer:''' What's the catch?
:'''Tivoli-man:''' No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $10.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, how much money do we have?
:'''Marge:''' $10.
:'''Homer:''' Whooh!
:''[Homer tries but fails.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' That counts as a try. ''[Another failed attempt]'' That's two. ''[Another failed attempt]'' And that's three. Here's what I'll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself - I'll give you one on the house.
:'''Homer:''' You're the best.
:'''Lisa:''' Dad! When you get to the top, don't slow down, speed up!
:'''Homer:''' But that's when it's the scariest.
:'''Lisa:''' Just do it!
:''[Homer takes courage and success and the audience cheers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh! Oh! Whooh!
:'''Bart:''' Yes!
:'''Lisa:''' Yay, Dad!
:'''Homer:''' I'll take that truck now.
:''[Homer gets the car keys from the Tivoli-man and a Siamese female beats with a rolling pin.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
:''[The family drives off in the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Next stop, Alaska!
:''[At Moe's Tavern, they look at the television and the power goes and Moe loses first all the beers and after that everything else.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
:'''Moe:''' Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay.
:''[The family thought the car and Marge and Bart are in the shop.]''
:'''Marge:''' I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. You are, aren't you?
:'''Bart:''' I'll prove it.
:''[Bart shoots with is slingshot away Homer's hot dog as he eats and he begins eating a new one.]''
:'''Marge:''' We're giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to... Oh, my God.
:''[Marge sees a wanted sign with them and try to get the cashier to not see the sign so Bart graffiti on it so it looks like another family.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Can I help you?
:'''Marge:''' We need diapers.
:'''Cashier:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' No. No, we don't. We don't. Ladies' razorblades.
:'''Cashier:''' Right.
:'''Marge:''' No! No. No, we don't. I forgot, we're European.
:'''Cashier:''' Aha!
:'''Marge:''' Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That's right. That's what we need. That's all we came in for.
:'''Cashier:''' Sure.
:''[Bart then draws wacky designs on the wanted poster, giving Homer a droopy mustache and wacky slick hair, Marge a blue Alfredo and buckteeth, Bart himself thicker eyebrows and buckteeth, Lisa an eye patch and buckteeth, and Maggie straight, blue hair. The cashier spots a family that is similar to the doodle and points at them.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Oh, my God. There-There they are!
:''[The other family were apprehended by the E.P.A and Simpsons drives away and Bart laughs. In Springfield, it will be power outages and Mr. Burns met three representatives on his home.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' So...you want some of my [[w:Electric|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
:'''Dr. Julius Hibbert:''' The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''Lives lost.'' Go on.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Tempting. Tempting.
:'''Apu:''' Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you'll find the answer.
:''[Smithers frantically shakes his head and waves his hands in protest. Outside Burns' mansion, Julius, Wiggum, and Apu are chased out by the hounds.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' First door on the right.
:'''Apu:''' Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family comes to Alaska and it is nothing like the poster so Homer puts the poster on the car window.]''
:'''Homer:''' What? This isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that's better.
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:''[Marge takes off the poster, the family goes down a cliff and screams. When they landed they see at they are there.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
:'''Custom man:''' Welcome to Alaska. Here's $1000.
:'''Homer:''' Well, it's about time! But why?
:'''Custom man:''' We pay every resident $1000 to allow oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
:''[Homer kissing the customs man some waving them away.]''
:'''Homer:''' I’m home!
:'''Custom man:''' Oh, thanks.
:''[Lisa and Bart are out in the snow and Homer are on the way home after picking firewood. Bart claps so there will be avalanches.]''
:'''Lisa:''' What are you doing, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' Eh, just passing the time.
:'''Homer:''' My boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
:'''Lisa:''' But, Dad...
:'''Homer:''' Clap for Alaska!
:''[Lisa clap too, so it becomes more avalanches. Homer runs into the house to avoid the snow.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true.
:''[Homer and Marge get prepare to love and be pampered by the animals. Bird says, &quot;We're going to need more birds.&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[In Springfield are Kent makes reports.]''
:'''Kent:''' Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low who knows what spark will set off this powder keg?
:''[In Springfield Book Club.]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy:''' Okay. Let's discuss ''Tuesdays with Morrie''.
:'''Cookie Kwan:''' Again? lf we don't get a new book, I’m going to puke.
:'''Lindsay Naegle:''' You're the five people I’m going to meet in hell!
:''[There will be trouble and in the AA on the church get their coffee machine destroyed.]''
:'''Barney:''' We're out of coffee! I can't take another minute in this dome!
:''[The residents of Springfield are moving towards the dome and try to destroy it and Stampy makes a crack in it.]''
:'''Ralph:''' Take that. Oh, no! Blowback!
:''[Russ shows for the president what they do.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look what they're doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' A crack?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Exactly. First let me stick to the Problem. People got out of the dome before, they're gonna get out again. And when they do, there's gonna be hearings, investigations....
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Gotten Himmel! I’ll have to go back to making family comedies. Ach!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don't have to read them. You'll have deniability. I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' No. I need to know what I’m approving.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Okay, I pick three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Try again.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' One.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Go higher.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Five?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Too high.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Three?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You said three.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Six?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There is no six.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Two?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Double it.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Four!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' As you wish, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Alaska watch the family the TV.]''
:'''[[Tom Hanks]]' voice:''' Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
:'''TV Dad:''' Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
:'''TV Girl:''' It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
:'''TV Boy:''' Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
:'''Marge:''' That's where Springfield is!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
:'''Bart:''' Did you see that?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
:'''Homer:''' I’m happy here. Screw Springfield!
:'''Marge:''' I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
:'''Marge:''' It was 7 at night.
:'''Homer:''' It was during access Hollywood.
:'''Marge:''' Which is on at 4 and 7.
:'''Homer:''' D'oh!
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
:'''Bart:''' Flanders helped when we were in trouble.
:'''Homer:''' Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.
:'''Bart:''' I wish he was.
:'''Homer:''' You don't mean that. You worship me.
:''[Bart shows he designed the Flanders on a picture of Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly.
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why, you little! I'll strangle-angle you!
:''[Homer strangles Bart and Marge interrupts and gives Homer her hand.]''
:'''Bart:''' Diddily-diddily.
:'''Marge:''' Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer... in every marriage, you get one chance to say: &quot;l need you to do this with me.&quot;
:'''Homer:''' That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
:'''Marge:''' Homer Simpson!
:'''Lisa:''' We're saving Springfield!
:'''Homer:''' Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again.
:''[Homer leaves the house and the rest of the family is looking out and Bart tries to show the picture at Ned for him.]''
:'''Homer:''' I have spoken! Hmph!
:''[Homer visits Eski Moe's and plays Grand Theft Walrus.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, I guess live let her worry about me long enough.
:''[Homer lifts home and discovers that the house is empty.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids? Huh?
:''[Homer finds a video cassette with the text &quot;Play me the VCR,&quot; and he do that. In the movie are Marge talking.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, ''Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.''
:''[Homer laughs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Way back.
:'''Marge:''' Lately. what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because....
:'''Homer:''' Because?
:'''Marge:''' Well. that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye. Homie.
:''[Homer looks at what is left of the wedding video.]''
:'''Marge:''' I love you.
:''[Homer leaves the house.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids?
:''[Homer faints on an ice floe. Sign saying &quot;To be continued&quot; appears. Sign saying &quot;Immediately&quot; appears. Homer lies in the snow where a polar bear going to attack him but is frightened by a woman in gibberish. Bear sighs and push a fox with his foot. He takes care of Homer. The rest of the family is on a train.]''
:'''Bart:''' So, Mom, what's our plan?
:'''Marge:''' What are you doing up there?
:'''Bart:''' Looking through people's luggage. ''[with a squeaky voice]'' I’m the mascot of an evil corporation.
:''[Bart laughs.]''
:'''Marge:''' Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[whispers]'' I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.
:'''Marge:''' Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.
:''[The conductor is connected to the National Security Agency, where they listen to the calls in the U.S..]''
:'''Woman #1 on Phone:''' Hi. I’m calling about your Meat Lover's pizza. I like meat, but I don't know if I’m ready to love again.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' You hang up first.
:'''Man on Phone:''' No, you hang up first.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' Okay.
:'''Man on Phone:''' She hung up on me!
:'''Lisa:''' But we're fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.
:'''NSA-man''' ''[Shouting and cheering]'' Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah!
:''[Homer wakes up with a woman in a tent.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Homer Simpson, do you know why you are here?
:'''Homer:''' Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Drink this liquid.
:''[Homer drinks a liquid that gives a fire in his mouth.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[screams, then calmly]'' More, please. ''[drinks a liquid some more]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Now we will cleanse your spirit by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
:'''Homer:''' Throat singing?
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]''
:'''Homer:''' How long are we doing this?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Until you have an epiphany.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing again.]''
:'''Homer:''' What's an epiphany?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Sudden realization of great truth.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing another again. Homer gets a vision of where he goes around and divided into pieces and is beaten.]''
:'''Singers:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He's a Spider-Pig
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Unless you have an epiphany you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
:'''Homer:''' Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. ''[The ghostly hans slap him in the face]'' Americans will never embrace soccer? ''[Gets slapped again]'' More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself? ''[gets slapped again, then disembodied.]'' Hey, what are you doing? ''[His body parts begin to melt]'' Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don't care about myself anymore. ''[his body parts reverse the melting process and back to normal face]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Because...?
:'''Homer:''' Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. ''[tree's hand in shaking]'' In order to save myself I have to save Springfield! That's it! Isn't it?
:''[Homer is acclaimed put his body back to normal by applause and cheering before Homer shakes his tree's hand, back in present, he do a throat singing once again, he wakes from the vision.]''
:'''Homer:''' That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady.
:''[Homer hugs the Medicine Woman and walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The train arrives at Seattle and family lower the head when they see Russ Cargill.]''
:'''Marge:''' This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us?
:''[E.P.A enters the car and take care of them.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Yes, I did.
:''[Homer go dog sledding and whips the dogs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run!
:''[Homer thank the dogs some attacked him before Homer gets lonely after the dogs leave him.]''
:'''Homer:''' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just- Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs runs away]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
:''[Homer goes into a blizzard and talking to himself.]''
:'''Homer:''' Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can't. I can't keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can't! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what's the point? It’s hopeless.
:''[Homer faints in the snow and discovers an aurora with Medicine Woman some showing with her breasts where he should go.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Don't give up, Homer. You are closer than you think.
:'''Homer:''' But which way do I go? ''[Medicine Woman shakes his clothing from side to side, he stops]'' Much obliged.
:''[Homer are outside Springfield and see an E.P.A-car and hear Lisa play wit her saxophone.]''
:'''Guard:''' Ten-hut!
:''[Homer looks at binoculars, he looks]''
:'''Homer:''' Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do?
:''[Homer sees a work vehicle and the car with the family stops in front of a Sop-sign.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #1:''' There's something strange about that ''sop'' sign.
:''[Homer drive the work vehicle and intend to save the family but fails.]''
:'''Bart:''' Did you hear something?
:'''Lisa:''' Probably just a moth.
:'''Marge:''' I hope it's okay.
:''[Homer gets hit by ball on the vehicle and travels back and forth before he falls to the ground.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Look, we can't keep stopping at every ''stop,'' ''yield'' or ''one way'' sign. Just move on.
:''[The car drive away. Bart tries to get the driver to release them, with the results of the family becomes anesthetized.]''
:'''Bart:''' Let us out! Let us out!
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
:'''Bart:''' I hope I do.
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, way to go, Bart.
:'''Bart:''' You stink.
:'''Lisa:''' No, you stink.
:''[The family wakes up in Springfield and they see how the city got worse, but Bart gets upset when Springfield Elementary School is left.]''
:'''Marge:''' Springfield.
:'''Bart:''' I can't believe it, but it got even crappier. ''[Springfield Town ruined and Springfield Elementary School is free]'' Oh, man.
:''[The family gets scared when they hear Moe gibberish and lots of people running around in the background and Moe appears with a hat.]''
:'''Moe:''' Oh, hi, Midge.
:'''Marge:''' Moe, what happened?
:'''Moe:''' With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here.
:'''Marge:''' Why are you dressed like that?
:'''Moe:''' Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield.
:'''Barney:''' No, you're not!
:'''Moe:''' Yes, I am!
:''[Moe causes an explosion.]''
:'''Barney:''' Okay. Hail, emperor.
:''[Russ shows up on the TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Attention. Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore. we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle.
:''[Residents cheer but gets nuts when a bomb with a time of 15 minutes is inserted into the city and residents are hiding and running away.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Which involves killing you all. ''[Residents groans]'' As I speak. we're lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst. ''[Milhouse is hiding in the bin]''
:'''Marge:''' Despite everything, I miss your father.
:'''Bart:''' Me too. His big, fat ass could shield us all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is dressed as a guard.]''
:'''Homer:''' Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately.
:'''E.P.A guard:''' Why is it written on a leaf?
:''[Homer knocks the guard and show his task list. Homer tries to climb up but fail, he find super glue and put it on his hands and stick one of his hands in his crotch, he start later to climb up for the dome.]''
:'''Homer:''' Perfect. Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cojones! Oops.
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, live gotta go find Colin.
:'''Marge:''' Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time.
:''[Homer is slippery on the dome with glue, muffled. Hibbert was playing harmonica, Lenny, Carl, Hibbert and Cletus are looking at the bomb.]''
:'''Carl:''' Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
:'''Lenny:''' Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?
:''[Cletus throats and appears.]''
:'''Cletus:''' My time to shine.
:''[Cletus start talking to Russ and the residents start to climb up on the rope some goes to the top of the dome.]''
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What do you want?
:'''Cletus:''' Um… Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Four generations of inbreeding?
:'''Cletus''': But, oh…
:'''Carl:''' I can smell fresh air.
:'''Lindsay Neagle:''' I can hear birds.
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' I taste freedom.
:'''Homer:''' Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!
:''[Homer slides down of the rope and knocks the Residents off the rope, Homer knocks the bomb off the rope with screaming and falls to the ground, Barney manages to catch the bomb safely and puts it down.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' I was tricked by an idiot!
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Goodbye.
:''[The dome TV screen ends.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[groaning]'' Homer do good?
:'''Bart:''' Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' But l...Oh. ''[sobs]'' Oh, I can't do anything right.
:''[Homer kicks at the bomb some changes from 8:23 to 4:11.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Get outta here!
:''[Homer is chased away, and Bart walks away before Comic Book Guy looks at comic books]''
:'''Comic book guy:''' I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there's only time to say: Life well spent!
:''[In the church is Ned with the kids, and Bart enters.]''
:'''Ned:''' Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
:'''Todd:''' Will Buddha be there too?
:'''Ned:''' No.
:'''Bart:''' Hey, Flanders.
:'''Ned:''' Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you're here.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if before I died I could pretend I had a father who cared for me.
:'''Ned:''' Come here, son. There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.
:''[Bart gets a hug from Ned and Todd and Rod do not like it. A robot trying to destroy the bomb but shoots himself with Clancy's gun.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You're our last hope.
:'''Bomb-disarming Robot:''' Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure! ''[Robot bomb died.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' He'd been talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
:''[Homer walk at the town and sees Marge, but collides with a tree. The tree shows at he should go up to the top of the dome and the rays show at he should do that with a scooter some lying on the ground in the city. Homer decides to give money to the tree.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the ''epipha-tree''! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice.
:''[Homer is driving the scoter and takes the bomb with a time at 2:10.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Homer? What the hell are you doing now?
:'''Homer:''' Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop.
:''[Doomsday clock shows 1:34 and Homer comes to the church where Flanders and Bart pray.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bart, son, You think you could find it in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance?
:'''Bart:''' Oh, I don't know.
:'''Ned:''' It seems to me, son, that your father's saying that he wants to spend his last minute with you.
:'''Bart:''' No! I can't do it. I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word?
:'''Rodd and Todd:''' Consistency.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' I'll let you hold the bomb.
:'''Bart:''' The man knows me.
:''[Bart go to Homer and they drive off.]''
:'''Todd:''' I wish Homer was my father.
:'''Ned:''' And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
:''[Homer and Bart travel at the moped to the top and Martin meets some bullies and beat them.]''
:'''Martin Prince:''' I've been taking your crap all my life! This feels good, no wonder you do it.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole.
:'''Bart:''' Dad, in case I miss, I’m sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
:'''Homer:''' I don't blame you, son. I wasn't much of a father, maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes, it's clear to me, it's just been one long, unbroken cycle of....
:''[Marge talk to them in a megaphone.]''
:'''Marge:''' '''SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!!!'''
:'''Bart:''' Gah!
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
:'''Otto:''' What? What's going on?
:''[Bart throws the bomb and with few seconds left and the bomb is on its way back through the hole, but it stops at the outside of the dome.]''
:'''Crowd:''' Yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! No no no no no no no no!!!!
:''[The residents are worried but get happy when it explodes. The dome begins to be destroyed and Bart and Homer drive down of the dome and scream at the edge of Springfield.]''
:'''Homer:''' We did it, boy!
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhh!
:''[The lands outside of Springfield Gorge.]''
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
:'''Homer:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Gah!
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Woo-hoo!
:''[The dome explodes completely, and Dr. Nick gets a big chunk at the body and sock off.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' It’s amazing no one was hurt.
:'''Dr. Nick:''' Bye, everybody. ''[dying groan]''
:''[Homer and Bart looks out of Springfield. Russ Cargill has a gun.]''
:'''Bart:''' Now, that was a great father-son activity!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Hello, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do '''''both''''' right now.
:'''Bart:''' Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What treasure?!
:'''Bart:''' The Treasure of Ima Wiener.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' &quot;Ima Wiener&quot;?
:''[Bart and Homer laugh]''
:'''Homer:''' Classic.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[last words]'' Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
:''[Maggie hits a rock in Russ head as he passes out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be.
:''[Maggie walks away and Lisa is in downtown Springfield looking for Colin.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin? Colin!
:'''Milhouse:''' Lisa? Colin's dead. But his last words were: Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.
:''[Colin shows up.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' I got her all warmed up for you.
:'''Lisa:''' Colin. Hi.
:'''Colin:''' Hey, you wanna go...?
:'''Lisa:''' Clean up the lake?
:'''Colin:''' Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay.
:'''Lisa:''' I like ice cream.
:''[Colin and Lisa are taking each other's hand.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
:''[Homer and Bart comes to downtown Springfield and gets acclaimed. Santa's Little Helper arrives.]''
:'''Bart:''' Boy! You survived! How?
:''[Santa's Little Helper, barks I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever.]''
:'''Bart:''' I love you too.
:''[Homer sees Marge and grab her for a ride and kiss her with Maggie in the basket.]''
:'''Marge:''' Best kiss of my life.
:'''Homer:''' Best kiss of your life so far.
:''[The town gets rebuilt and Homer are on the roof with Bart and fix the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady, steady, steady.
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:''[Bart gives Homer safety glasses.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thanks, boy. Steady.
:''[Homer nailing himself in the leg.]''
:'''Homer:''' Woo hoo! ''[remixes where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle]'' Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
:''[Homer screams and Bart laughs.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The final text starts scrolling. Burn's mansion has no possessions. The end credits roll.]''
:'''Waylon Smithers, Jr.:''' They've taken everything, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Smithers, I don't believe in suicide but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
:''[The final text will continue to roll.]''
:'''Tom Hanks:''' This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you see me in person, please, leave me be.
:''[&quot;Spider-Pig (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. &quot;Homer Suite (Film Version)&quot; is heard. The family is sitting in a cinema during the final text.]''
:'''Bart:''' Come on, Dad, let's go. I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town.
:'''Homer:''' You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names!
:'''Lisa:''' Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
:'''Lisa:''' Phew!
:'''Homer:''' Okay. Ooh, Floor popcorn.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, my God, her first word!
:'''Maggie:''' Sequel? ''[The family walks away.]''
:''[He continued to roll the credits. &quot;Giddy up Suite (Film version)&quot; is coming, and &quot;Happy Ending (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. He sings Springfield Anthem. &quot;Homer Suite (Film version in reprise)&quot; is heard. After the credits are finished, the squeaky-voiced teenaged janitor comes in and starts cleaning.]''
:'''Squeaky-voiced teen:''' Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be! Four years of film school for this?!
:''[Gracie Films logo plays.]''
:''[The End]''

== Taglines ==
* See Our Family, And Feel Better About Yours.
* For Years, Lines Have Been Drawn...And Then Colored In Yellow.

== Voice cast ==
* '''[[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]]''' – [[Homer Simpson]], [[Itchy and Scratchy|Itchy]], Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, [[Krusty the Clown]], Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, [[Sideshow Mel]], Mr. Teeny, E.P.A Official, Kissing Cop, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie
* '''[[Julie Kavner]]''' – [[Marge Simpson]], Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier
* '''[[Nancy Cartwright]]''' – [[Bart Simpson]], [[Maggie Simpson]], [[Ralph Wiggum]], [[Nelson Muntz]], Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, Woman on Phone
* '''[[w:Yeardley Smith|Yeardley Smith]]''' – [[Lisa Simpson]]
* '''[[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]]''' – Professor Frink, [[Comic Book Guy]], Moe Szyslak, [[Chief wiggum|Chief Wiggum]], Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male E.P.A Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, [[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]], Dredrick Tatum, Sea Captain, E.P.A Passenger, Robot, Dr. Nick Riviera
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – [[Itchy and Scratchy|Scratchy]], [[Mr. Burns]], Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Smithers, Toll Booth Man, Guard, Otto, Kang
* '''[[w:Pamela Hayden|Pamela Hayden]]''' – Milhouse Van Houten / Rod Flanders / Jimbo
* '''[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]''' – Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Agnes Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Crazy Cat Lady, Female E.P.A Worker, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, Girl on Phone
* '''[[w:Albert Brooks|A. Brooks]]''' – Russ Cargill
* '''[[w:Karl Wiedergott|Karl Wiedergott]]''' – Man, E.P.A Driver
* '''[[w:Marcia Wallace|Marcia Wallace]]''' – Mrs. Krabappel
* '''[[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]]''' – Martin Prince
* '''[[w:Maggie Roswell|Maggie Roswell]]''' – Helen Lovejoy
* '''[[w:Phil Rosenthal|Phil Rosenthal]]''' – TV Dad
* '''[[Billie Joe Armstrong]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[Tré Cool]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]''' – [[Green Day]]
* '''[[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]]''' – Fat Tony
* '''[[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks – Himself]]'''

== Teaser Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer #1 ===
:'''Announcer''': In 2007, leaping his way onto the silver screen. The greatest hero in American history.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Homer Simpson sitting on the couch]''
:'''Homer''': I forgot what I'm supposed to say.
:''[Cut to an early version of &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; logo on a purple background]''
:'''Announcer''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', opening worldwide, July 27, 2007.
:'''Homer''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh-oh, we better get started.
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[off-screen]'' Excellent!
:''[The title says July 27, 2007]''

=== Teaser Trailer #2 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty.... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Time to save my family!
:''[The wrecking ball is about to wreck the truck, but barely touches it; it smashes on Homer instead and smashes on many billboards then stops. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007. It then smashed again by a rock and the tie cut itself and gets slammed]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

=== Teaser Trailer #3 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady.
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye, causing him to yell in pain and Bart laughs. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007]''
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady...
:''[He falls through the roof]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

== Production quotes ==
* We're very excited about the performances in this movie. Come next Oscars, we think it's going to be Milhouse's night. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;rot&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=310882 |title=Fox Issues Official Word on &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; |accessdate=2006-04-04 |first=Scott |last=Weinberg |date=2006-04-04 |publisher=Rotten Tomatoes}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* Since 2001 we had been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2006-04-02-simpsons-movie_x.htm |title=Mmmm, popcorn: A 'Simpsons' film in '07 |accessdate=2006-04-02 |first=Scott |last=Bowles |date=[[2006-04-02]] |publisher=[[USA Today]]}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've been running a little behind schedule, but only by about 15 years. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* If I were feeling any more pressure, I'd be a diamond. ~ Al Jean&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* We're going to put some fake plots out there just to make things interesting. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;good&quot;&gt;[http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/JamesLBrooks/JamesLBrooks.html As Good As He Gets] at filmmonthly.com, December 13, 2004&lt;/ref&gt;
* The idea of the movie is that all of us who ran the show at one point, and who have been there from the beginning come together as the writing team for this movie. ~ James L. Brooks
* That trailer is running on 7000 screens this weekend, committing us to opening every place in the world on the same date, which means we'd better get started. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;var&quot;&gt;[http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117940840.html?categoryid=14&amp;cs=1 Homer going to bat in '07] at Variety.com, April 2, 2006&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've taken script security to the point of lunacy, although it helped that we wrote it in Aramaic. ~ Mike Scully
* This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say. ~ James L. Brooks
* I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume. ~ Al Jean
* The movie is a result of the very singular vision of 11 people. ~ Mike Scully
* It has been rough. We worked at it for a long time and then found out that ''Snakes on a Plane'' was doing the same story. ~ James L. Brooks

==Notes and references==
{{reflist}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://imdb.com/title/tt0462538/quotes ''The Simpsons Movie''] quotes at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]. 
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/simpsons_movie/ ''The Simpsons Movie''] at [[w:Rotten Tomatoes|Rotten Tomatoes]].

{{The Simpsons}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons Movie, The}}
[[Category:2007 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American adult animated films]]
[[Category:Adult animated films]]
[[Category:American animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:The Simpsons]]
[[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]]
[[Category:Films based on adult animated television series]]
[[Category:Screenplays by James L. Brooks]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Alaska]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Washington, D.C.]]
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{{The Simpsons header}}
'''''[[w:The Simpsons Movie|The Simpsons Movie]]''''' is a [[w:2007 film|2007 film]] based on ''[[The Simpsons]]'' television series.
:''Directed by [[David Silverman]]. Written by [[James L. Brooks]], [[Matt Groening]], [[w:Al Jean|Al Jean]], [[w:Ian Maxtone-Graham|Ian Maxtone-Graham]], [[w:George Meyer|George Meyer]], [[w:David Mirkin|David Mirkin]], [[w:Mike Reiss|Mike Reiss]], [[w:Mike Scully|Mike Scully]], [[w:Matt Selman|Matt Selman]], [[w:John Swartzwelder|John Swartzwelder]], and [[w:Jon Vitti|Jon Vitti]].'' This film was released July 27, 2007 in United States.
{{center|'''See our family, and feel better about yours.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==[[w:Homer Simpson|Homer]]==
*''[sings while playing with his pig]''
:Spider Pig. Spider Pig.
:Does whatever a Spider Pig does.
:Can he swing from a web?
:No, he can't. He's a pig.
:Look out!
:He is a Spider Pig.
* ''[whips dogs while using them for dog-sledding]'' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! ''[jumps from one slope to the other side]'' Jump! Jump! Land! Land! ''[while dogs rest]'' Rest! Rest! ''[while dogs running again]'' Run! Run! ''[after stopping for the night]'' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put all that behind us and just- ''[the dogs maul him]'' That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs abandon him]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?

== [[w:Marge Simpson|Marge]] ==
* Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
* What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
* ''[watching ad]'' That's where Springfield is!
* Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, &quot;Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.&quot;
* EPA, EPA! Trapped forever? It's all come true.

== [[w:Bart Simpson|Bart]] ==
* You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
* Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
* Eh, just passing the time.
* Dad, in case I missed, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my father.
* But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
* ''[poking mutant squirrel's eyes]'' Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

== [[w:Lisa Simpson|Lisa]] ==
*''[Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]'' I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an ''[with a heavy Irish accent]'' Irish brogue! ''[In normal voice]'' No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!

== Russ Cargill ==
* Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
* Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
* That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
* You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
* I was tricked by an idiot!
* ''[Last Lines]'' Well, you always leave ‘em laughing. Goodbye, sir.

== [[w:Mr. Burns|Mr. Burns]] ==
* So...you want some of my [[w:Electricity|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

== [[w:Professor Frink|Professor Frink]] ==
* ''[Springfield has been trapped inside a dome]''
* People! I have an important announcement. I have been working on a new acid-firing super-drill that can cut through anything. ''[pointing]'' It's right there...just outside of the dome.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Ralph sings Fox signature and the pictures panoramas to the moon where a spaceship lands and Scratchy comes out.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' We come in peace, for cats and mice everywhere.
:''[Itchy harm Scratchy with an American flag, laughs and crazy his helmet. Itchy travels back to Earth with Scratchy space-rocket. In the front page of &quot;The Washington Post&quot; says &quot;Mouse Hero Returns This Everything To Save Cat&quot;. Itchy gets honored and get at parade.]''
:'''Itchy:''' Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out.
:''[Itchy becomes president and sit and eat cheese in the White House and hear scratchy calling.]''
:'''Scratchy:''' Itchy.... Itchy....
:''[Itchy look at the moon on with a binoculars and sees Itchy holding a sign saying &quot;I'm telling&quot;. Itchy gets worried and gets an idea. He targeting nuclear missiles by &quot;mistake&quot; to the moon and Scratchy explodes. Homer stands up.]''
:'''Homer:''' BORING!
:''[The Simpsons family are in a theater.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, we can't see the movie.
:'''Homer:''' I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker, '''''especially'' YOU!'''
:''[Homer pointing to the viewer and the image becomes wider.]''
:'''Chorus''': The Simpsons.
:'''Professor Frink:''' ''[singing]'' Movie, on the big screen!
:''[The opening scene appears, similar to the episodes.]''
:''[In Springfield Lake are Green Day playing The Simpsons Theme and the crowd cheers. Comic Book Guy is carried but is released into the ground.]''
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Excuse me! My heinie is dipping.
:''[The music ends.]''
:'''Billie Joe:''' ''[first words in Green Day]'' All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
:''[Silence occurs and the crowd throwing bottles at them and boo them.]''
:'''Carl:''' Oh, you suck! Shut up and play!
:'''Barney:''' Preachy!
:'''Mike:''' We're not being preachy!
:'''Tré Cool:''' But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
:'''Lisa:''' I thought they touched on a vital issue.
:'''Moe:''' I beg to differ.
:'''Tré Cool:''' Oh!
:'''Mike:''' ''[last words in Green Day]'' Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
:''[Green Day starts playing Nearer, My God, to Thee and the barge sinks. Lisa looks worried.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the church of Springfield a funeral version of &quot;American Idiot&quot; is playing.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' For the latest rock band to die in our town Lord, hear our prayer.
:'''The group:''' Lord, hear our prayer.
:''[Outside the church are the Simpsons family coming.]''
:'''Marge:''' I hate being late!
:'''Homer:''' Well, I hate going! Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my deathbed?
:'''Marge:''' Homer, they can hear you inside!
:'''Homer:''' Relax, those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
:''[The Simpson family coming in and the audience staring at them. The family goes and sits down.]''
:'''Homer:''' How ya doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus!
:''[Bart plays ''Baby Blast''. Maggie takes out the game card.]''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now today I'd like to try something a little different. I'm going to call on one of you!
:''[Reverend Lovejoy points to the audience, they all cower down in fear, who gasp in shock, Barney screams, then cower.]&quot;''
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit...
:''[Ned raises his hand.]''
:'''Ned:''' Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[unhappily, sighs]'' What is it, Ned?
:'''Ned:''' The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.
:''[Homer keeps fingers crossed and whispers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
:'''Ned:''' An immodest sense of pride in our community.
:'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' ''[annoyed]'' Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out...!
:''[Grampa is sleeping and wakes up when the sun hits his head and gets up and acts weird.]''
:'''Abe Simpson:''' Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen! ''[Comic Book Guy is filming that with his cell phone.]'' And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you! Whoa, Nelly! People of Springfield, HEED THIS WARNING! Twisted tail! A ''thousand eyes''! '''''TRAPPED FOREVER!.'''''
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, do something!
:''[Homer flicks through the &quot;Holy Bible&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' But this book doesn't have any answers!
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[yelling, slowly]'' Beware, ''BEWARE''! Time is short, '''EPA!! EPA!!! ''EEEEEEPAAAAAA!!!!!!!''''' Believe me! '''''BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!''' [Homer rolls up the church rug around his father and carries him out the door] [cheerfully]'' Thanks for listening.
:''[The Simpsons family goes out the church with Grampa rolled in the rug and go to the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Okay, who wants waffles?
:'''Bart, Lisa and Grampa:''' I do, I do, I do!
:'''Marge:''' Wait a minute. What about Grampa?
:'''Bart:''' I want syrup!
:'''Lisa:''' I want strawberries!
:'''Marge:''' Something happened to that man.
:'''Homer:''' I'll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it.
:''[Homer kisses Grampa on the forehead.]''
:'''Marge:''' What is the point of going to church every Sunday when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I want bananas on my waffles!
:'''Homer:''' I rest my case.
:''[The family arrives, Marge goes out of the car first and then the others except Grampa.]''
:'''Marge:''' I'm not dropping this.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Wait a minute, I'm still in the car.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer looks at his list of chores. He ticks off &quot;Go to church&quot; and looks at &quot;Take out the hornets' Nest&quot;.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hmm. Take out hornets' nest.
:''[Homer takes down the hornets' nest and put it in Flanders mailbox.]''
:'''Homer:''' Check. Fix sinkhole.
:''[Homer is in the garden and put the sandbox and Maggie over the sinkhole.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''Check. Re-shingle roof?''
:''[Homer and Bart are on the ceiling and Homer tries to repair the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Owww! Owww!
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye and Bart laughs.]'' 
:'''Homer:''' Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
:''[Homer strangles Bart.]''
:'''Bart:''' You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
:'''Homer:''' What kind of fun?
:'''Bart:''' How about a dare contest?
:'''Homer:''' That sounds fun. I dare you to climb the TV antenna!
:''[Bart climbs up to the antenna]''
:'''Bart:''' Piece of cake.
:'''Homer:''' Earthquake!
:''[Homer shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe.]''
:'''Homer:''' Aftershock!
:''[Homer shakes again.]''
:'''Ned:''' Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino?
:'''Homer:''' Shut up, Flanders.
:'''Bart:''' Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
:'''Homer:''' Well said, boy.
:''[Homer and Bart high five and Homer prepares to hammer Bart's fingers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady. Steady. Steady....
:''[He falls through the roof and Bart laughs. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazine. Lisa is in the neighborhood, knocking on doors to talk about Springfield Lake. However, every time she is denied.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev...
:'''Women:''' Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
:'''Lisa:''' Lake Springfield—
:''[Lisa sighs. Martin, his parents, Bumblebee Man, his dog, and the Sea Captain close and lock their doors, and the Sea Captain drives away with his houseboat.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want.
:'''Lisa:''' Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.
:'''Milhouse:''' Hey, I am VERY passionate about the Planet!
:'''Nelson:''' ''[threatening to punch Milhouse]'' Say Global Warming is a myth!
:'''Milhouse:''' It's a myth, further study is needed!
:''[Nelson knocks down Milhouse.]''
:'''Nelson:''' That's for selling out your beliefs!
:''[Nelson storms off. Lisa goes to console him but quickly notices someone else to talk about the environment.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, poor Milhouse.
:'''Milhouse:''' Dream coming true...
:'''Colin:''' Are you aware that a leaky facet can waste over—
:'''Lisa:''' Two thousand gallons a year?
:'''Colin:''' And turning off lights can save—
:'''Lisa:''' Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
:'''Colin:''' And if we just kept our thermostats at 68 in winter—
:'''Lisa:''' We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!
:'''Colin:''' I'm Colin.
:'''Lisa:''' I haven't seen you at school.
:'''Colin:''' Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
:'''Lisa:''' Is he...?
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' I just thought, because you're Irish and you care about...
:'''Colin:''' He's not Bono.
:'''Lisa:''' Do you play?
:'''Colin:''' Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[thinking in echo]'' He's pure gold. For once in your life. be cool.
:'''Colin:''' So is your name as pretty as your face?
:''[Lisa gets embarrassed and faints.]''
:'''Colin:''' You okay there?
:''[Marge watch the recording as Comic Book Guy did and write down what Grampa said.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' ''[in video]'' Twisted tail, A thousand eyes, TRAPPED FOREVER!!! EPA, EPA!!!
:'''Marge:''' EPA, what could that be?
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. '''EEE-PAH!'''
:'''Marge:''' Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
:'''Comic Book Guy:''' Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Out in the garden, Bart is shooting Homer with a BB gun while Homer carries around bricks. A Fox commercial appears at the bottom.]''
:'''Homer:''' D'oh! D'oh! Why did I suggest this?
:''[Timer rings.]''
:'''Homer:''' All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back... ''[Bart picks up his skateboard]'' ''naked''!
:'''Bart:''' How naked?
:'''Homer:''' Fourth base.
:'''Bart:''' But girls might see my doodle.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you'll wake up to &quot;Good morning, chicken.&quot; At your wedding, I'll sing... ''[sings ''Here Comes the Bride'' with chicken voice]'' Bawk Bawk Ba-Bawk, Bawk Bawk Bawk-
:''[Bart sets off through town on his skateboard naked.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bawk?
:''[The last note Homer sings in the chicken song has its pitch raised as Homer sees Bart.]''
:'''Ralph:''' I like men now!
:''[Agnes urges residents not to look at Bart's private parts.]''
:'''Agnes Skinner:''' Don't look where I'm pointing!
:''[The police see that Bart is naked and start to chase him.]''
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Stop in the name of American squeamishness!
:''[Lou fires a shot. It hits the wheel of Bart's skateboard. The skateboard comes to a halt and Bart flies off through the air. The scene switches to Ned, Rod and Todd eating at Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
:''[Bart flies on to the window, with Ned's french fry covering his private parts.]''
:'''Ned:''' '''...PENIS!!'''
:'''Rod and Todd:''' Bountiful penis.
:'''Todd:''' Amen.
:''[Eddie and Lou scrape Bart's body off the window of Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Lou:''' Uh, listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, But, you know, it's the law.
:''[Lou takes Bart down from the window and straps him naked to a lamp-post.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Lunchtime!
:'''Bart:''' You can't just leave me out here.
:'''Lou:''' Don't worry, we found a friend for you to play with.
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw! Haw haw! Haw haw!
:''[It becomes evening, and Nelson starts to get tired of laughing.]''
:'''Nelson:''' Haw haw... Haaw... haw... Haaw... haw.
:''[Mrs. Muntz walks up to Nelson.]''
:'''Mrs. Muntz:''' Nelson, honey, where have you been? ''[she sees Bart]'' Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
:''[Homer drives up to Krusty Burger in his car.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad!
:'''Homer:''' What seems to be the problem, officers?
:'''Bart:''' Tell him you dared me to do it!
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.
:''[Homer comes out of the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[slowly]'' And what happens to me if it's my fault?
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.
:'''Homer:''' It was all his idea! He's out of control, I tell you! ''[pretends to cry]'' I'm at my wits' end! It's so....
:''[Bart glares.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' See you in court, kid.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
:'''Bart:''' Did you at least bring my clothes?
:''[Homer gives him his shirt and socks.]''
:'''Homer:''' Shirt, socks, everything you need.
:'''Bart:''' You didn't bring my pants!
:'''Homer:''' Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
:'''Bart:''' This is the worst day of my life...
:'''Homer:''' The worst day of your life ''so far''!
:''[Homer and Bart go into the Krusty Burger.]''
:'''Ned:''' Say, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' What do you want, Flanders?
:'''Ned:''' If you need pants, I carry an extra pair, I mean. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees.
:''[Ned gives him pants.]''
:'''Bart:''' Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.
:'''Ned:''' We're neighbors. I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.
:''[Homer steals french fries from Flanders.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thank you.
:''[Homer eats a hamburger noisily.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, what's with you?
:''[As he asks, he accidently spits on Bart. Bart wipes it off, annoyed.]''
:'''Bart:''' You really wanna know?
:'''Homer:''' Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about... ''[sees a pig wearing a chef hat]'' ...a pig wearing a hat!
:''[Krusty is starring in a commercial, holding a burger.]''
:'''Director:''' Action.
:'''Krusty:''' Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, with my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. lf you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
:''[Krusty laughs and munches on the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty''': Mmm!
:'''Director:''' And we're clear.
:''[Krusty spits out the hamburger.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
:''[A knife is raised to the pig. It squeals.]''
:'''Homer:''' What...?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
:''[The song ''Happy Together'' plays and Homer imagines his life with the pig.]''
:'''Homer:''' You're coming home with me.
:''[In the kitchen [[Maggie Simpson|Maggie]] plays ''Baby Blast''.]''
:'''Marge:''' ''A thousand eyes.'' What could that be?
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.
:''[Homer comes in and shows after a while the pig. Marge looks at the words as she wrote down as Grampa said in the church.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
:'''Marge:''' Actually, it's aged me horribly.
:'''Homer:''' Then say hello to the newest Simpson.
:''[Marge gasps and spots the &quot;twisted tail&quot; on the pig, the first part of Grampa's warning.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer! ''[Homer and pig were in carrot. He walks to Homer and pig eats his carrots.]'&quot; I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig.
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you're gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you.
:''[The Pig screams.]''
:'''Homer:''' You nailed her. He also does me.
:''[The Pig burps. Marge laughing.]''
:'''Homer:''' You smiled. I'm off the hook.
:''[Homer is in Bart's room and chambers the pig's hair.]''
:'''Homer''': Oh.
: ''[Homer humming in last chambers the pig's hair. In outside are Bart and looking on them.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh, you have so many looks.
:''[Bart sighs and she Ned put to sleep his children.]''
:'''Bart:''' So that's what snug is.
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Homer makes fart sounds on the pig's stomach.]''
:'''Homer:''' Who's a good pig?
:''[Bart is aiming his slingshot against Homer, but stops when he hears Ned some are by the window.]''
:'''Ned:''' Rough day, huh, son?
:'''Bart:''' You don't know what rough is, sister.
:'''Ned:''' Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing?
:''[Bart thinks of when he was fishing with Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
:'''Homer:''' If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity.
:''[Homer stops an electrician fly trap in the water and the fish float to the surface.]''
:'''Homer:''' I think I have a nibble. ''[eats a fish then gets electrocuted]''
:'''Bart:''' I think fishing might be more fun with you.
:'''Ned:''' Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa?
:'''Bart:''' No way. Cocoa's for wusses.
:'''Ned:''' Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.
:''[When Ned went off takes Bart the mug with cocoa that Ned did and eats it in the garden.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, my God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marge cleans the floor in the hallway and then sees that it is dirty on the ceiling.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part! He loves the environment! Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's got an Irish brogue! No, no, wait, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part! He's not imaginary!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
:''[Homer let the pig go in the ceiling.]''
:'''Homer:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No, he can't. He's a pig. Look out! He is the Spider-Pig.
:''[Bart and Ned are fishing.]''
:'''Bart:''' Are we having fun yet?
:'''Ned:''' We are now. You've got a bite.
:'''Bart:''' Whoa, mama!
:''[Bart drops the pole and Bart begins to strangle himself.]''
:'''Ned:''' Oh, no, my good pole!
:'''Bart:''' ''[chokes but then stops]'' Huh? You're not strangling me.
:'''Ned:''' What the? Strangling's only good for.... Well, it's not good for anything. I think the only time you should lay hands on a boy is if you're give him a good old pat on the back.
:''[Ned gives Bart a pat on the back and Bart wants him to do it again.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hey, what the hell are you? Ah. One more time.
:''[In the lake loses Krusty the flop sweat, Crazy Cat Lady washes the cats and Moe empty bottles and Barney in the lake.]''
:'''Barney:''' Honey, I'm home.
:''[Lisa sees it and gets angry and destroys her poster. In Springfield Town Hall is &quot;Lisa Simpson Presents: An Irritating Truth&quot;.]''
:'''Lisa:''' We are at the tipping point, people. If we don't do something now....
:''[Colin plays on a guitar.]''
:'''Lisa:''' I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Agreed.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay, so here's the bottom line: If we don't change our ways right now pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level.
:''[Lisa starts a scissor lift some stops quickly.]''
:'''Lenny:''' That's not so bad.
:'''Lisa:''' No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone?
:''[The lift goes up and down.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Hell, yeah. We need a new one of those things.
:'''Joe Quimby:''' All in favor of a new, scissor lift, say ''aye.''
:'''Group:''' Aye.
:'''Lisa:''' No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
:''[The audiences spits out the water.]''
:'''Moe:''' This is why we should hate kids!
:'''Joe Quimby:''' This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black.
:'''Lenny:''' Black? That's the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
:'''Carl Carlson:''' I get it all the time.
:''[The lake emptied of littering. The newspaper &quot;Springfield Shopper&quot; it says &quot;Springfield Clean Up Act.&quot; Fat Tony and his fellow conspirators come with a carpet that he intends to dump.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
:'''Fat Tony:''' Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.
:'''Lou:''' Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' I thought that too, until he said ''yard trimmings.'' You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
:''[A wall is around the lake.]''
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. Cletus.
:'''Cletus:''' Yessum?
:'''Joe Quimby:''' Try to dump something in the lake.
:'''Cletus:''' Okay.
:''[Cletus tries to dump a possum in the lake but the wall keeps blocking him.]''
:'''Cletus:''' I can't. I simply can't.
:'''Builder #1:''' Brilliant.
:'''Builder #2:''' Very effective.
:''[Homer and Spider-Pig watching TV where Bumblebee Man gets a kiss from a donkey for a Peso, and speak Spanish.]''
:'''Bumblebee Man:''' Ay ay ay! Un burro amoroso!
:'''Homer:''' Don't get any ideas. Huh?
:''[Pig and Homer laughs and Marge enters.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension.
:'''Marge:''' What's going on here?
:'''Homer:''' Nothing. Nothing.
:'''Marge:''' I'm not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings?
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry. I've devised a most elegant solution.
:''[Homer shows a silo with faeces on the property.]''
:'''Marge:''' Oh, it's leaking.
:'''Homer:''' It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
:'''Marge:''' He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
:'''Homer:''' Well, I helped.
:''[Homer thinks of a monkey some forces him to listen to Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy for your mind to wander… ''[thinking about monkey playing cymbals]'' but I want you to really concentrate on me. ''[monkey put down his cymbal, and pointing him]'' I can't escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Marge. I will.
:'''Marge:''' You can take Spider-Pig with you!
:'''Homer:''' He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
:''[Homer sits in the car with Spider-Pig and get's a call with his cell phone. Lenny is outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]].]''
:'''Homer:''' Hello.
:'''Lenny:''' Homer, you gotta get over here. The health inspector just shut down the doughnut store, they're giving out free doughnuts!
:'''Homer:''' Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first.
:'''Lenny:''' Well, you better hurry. They're going fast.
:''[Outside the [[Lard Lad Donuts]] get's Wiggum accidentally shoot a shot near his own mouth.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Whoa, that was close.
:''[Homer drives off the lake and dump waste into the lake after he destroyed the wall. The lake is poisoned.]''
:'''Homer:''' Uh-oh.
:'''Skull:''' Evil!
:''[Homer sits in the back of the car but changing location and drive away.]''
:'''Homer:''' Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right.
:''[A squirrel get's hunted down into the lake and get more eyes when it comes up. Ned and Bart are climbing up on a mountain.]''
:'''Ned:''' Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah.
:'''Ned:''' And if you look real close, you can almost... yaah!
:''[Ned sees the squirrel that jumped in the lake.]''
:'''Ned:''' Well, this certainly seems odd but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh! We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.
:''[Bart beats the squirrel's eyes.]''
:'''Bart:''' Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime.
:'''Ned:''' Who are you?
:'''E.P.A-women:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:''[E.P.A taking caring about the squirrel and go away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Russ Cargill come to the White House and meets the president.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[first words]'' Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A, here to see the president. Mr. President.
:'''[[Arnold Schwarzenegger]]:''' Ja, that is me.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Ach! I hate this job. Everything's &quot;crisis&quot; this and &quot;end of the world&quot; that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss [[Danny DeVito]].
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one.
:''[Russ shows the squirrel for president who gets frightened.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Aah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You know, sir, when you made me head of the E.P.A you were applauded for appointed one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I’m listening.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery...
:''[Russ shows five option blocks.]''
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I pick number three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You don't wanna read them first?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!
:''[A helicopter with a glass dome will of Springfield and all residents are surprised and afraid. Gabbo truly amazed, church, and Moe's Tavern changing population and Milhouse swallows his inhaler. Martin Prince is in the playground and flies away.]''
:'''Martin Prince, Jr.:''' We're being sealed in a dome!
:'''Man:''' What do I do? Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I’m trapped! If I leave, I’m alone! Oh, God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-
:''[The man gets crushed. Simpsons sees what happens and it says the E.P.A. on the helicopter.]''
:'''Marge:''' EPA, EPA! ''Trapped forever.'' It's all come true.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' That crazy old man in church was right.
:'''Homer: ''DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!'''''
:''[Springfield's population is towards to the dome and the SPD appears.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' All right, men, open fire.
:''[S.P.D. shoots against the dome. The gunshot nozzles back and hit them.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Who's hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude.
:'''Professor Frink:''' People! People! I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill which can cut through anything.
:'''Group:''' Hey, that's cool.
:'''Professor Frink:''' It’s right there...just outside of the dome.
:''[The group groans and Sideshow Mel hit his hair bone against the dome.]''
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
:''[Russ shows up on a TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the E.P.A.
:'''Moe:''' The what?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Environmental Protection Agency.
:'''Lenny:''' Come again?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look. I’m a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
:'''Man:''' Whoo! Springfield!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
:'''Krusty:''' Drama Queen?!?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' To prevent your poisons from spreading your government has sealed you all with in this dome. ''[Group gasps.]'' Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I do own the company that makes the dome, but that's beside the point.
:'''Moe:''' What are you telling us that we're trapped like rats?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like carrots.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait. We couldn't be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Apparently someone didn't get the message.
:'''Homer:'''Act natural.
:'''Carl:''' Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
:''[In a car disappears Springfield from the G.P.S.]''
:'''G.P.S:''' Coming up on your right: Nothing.
:''[Kent Brockman run the Springfield News and fixes his head.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. ''[Wrong head.]'' Moment, please. ''[Put the pen back on his head.]'' Now, as always, we end our news on ''The Lighter Side.'' It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
:''[Swallows collides with the dome and cats are outside. Marge is in the garden and discovers that Maggie is outside the dome.]''
:'''Marge:''' I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie?
:''[Homer watching TV and Marge get him.]''
:'''TV Commercial:''' We've got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener, all your dome needs at Dome Depot. Located at the 105 and the dome.
:'''Women Chorus''': Dome Depot.
:'''Marge:''' Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
:''[Homer comes out with Marge and see that Maggie is in the sandbox.]''
:'''Marge:''' Maggie was right there, just outside the dome.
:''[Homer see him self reflected in the dome and goes into the house in the belief that he was out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge, she's right here.
:'''Marge:''' Huh?
:'''Homer:''' This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and... Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I'll write to you. Lead good lives! ''[realizes]'' Ohhh!
:''[Maggie ports sighs and out through the dome by being in the sandbox. Marge and Homer go inside. On the TV broadcasts Kent Brockman from Springfield Lake and Homer laughs but gets shocked when his silo appears.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Good evening, this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield.
:'''Homer:''' That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town.
:'''Homer:''' I know. It's weird.
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Just a reminder, this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will.
:''[Picture on Homer with text &quot;Get Him!&quot; shows.]''
:'''Marge:''' You didn't listen to me after I warned you.
:'''Homer:''' Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What's that ominous glow in the distance?
:''[The mob goes with flaming torches against the family's house.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
:'''Homer:''' ''[looking at the angry mob]'' Marge! Look! Those idiots don't even know where we live!
:''[The mob hear Homer and turns.]''
:'''The mob:''' Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! 
:'''Homer:''' D'oh...!
:'''The mob:''' We want Homer, we want Homer!
:''[Lisa comes to Homer and turn him loose in his stomach.]''
:'''Lisa:''' You monster, you monster!
:'''Homer:''' Did you see the news?
:'''Marge:''' Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.
:'''Lisa:''' But I’m so angry.
:'''Marge:''' You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
:'''Lisa:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
:'''Homer:''' I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
:'''Carl:''' No, we won't. We just want (you,) Homer!
:'''Homer:''' Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa.
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' I'm part of the mob!
:''[The mob comes into the house.]''
:'''Krusty''' Teeny! Take out the baby.
:''[Teeny goes to Maggie, but she is willing to attack and Teeny turns. Lisa sees Colin in the mob and at he is holding a flower bouquet that Carl set fire to and Lisa sighs.]''
:'''Carl:''' Here, let me get that for you.
:''[Homer nailed the door and mimics a chainsaw, but the mob can see he mimics and continues to try to get into the room.]''
:'''Homer:''' Stay back, I got a chainsaw! ''[He starts making chainsaw noises and then they see him through the holes and Homer stops]'' Uh oh.
:''[Ned set a plank between him and the Simpsons' house.]''
:'''Ned:''' Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
:'''Bart:''' But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
:'''Ned:''' I’m sure your father would do the same for...
:''[Bart stares at Ned.]''
:'''Ned:''' Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
:''[Schoolchildren aim with bows.]''
:'''Seymour Skinner:''' Archers.
:'''Nelson:''' I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill.
:'''Homer:''' No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die.
:''[Plopper goes to the window and pushes the board into the ground. The family falls and runs away. Homer finds a shrimp some he eats.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
:''[The family sits in the car, Marge runs into the house briefly to clean up and pick an important thing.]''
:'''Marge:''' Wait! There's something I have to get.
:'''Homer:''' What'd you get?
:'''Marge:''' Our wedding video.
:'''Homer:''' We have a wedding video?
:'''Krusty:''' Torch his gas tank!
:''[Homer drives off, but discovers that the mob lift the car. They preparing to hang the family and they get up in Bart's treehouse, but Homer can not handle it and gets attacked.]''
:'''Homer:''' We lost them.
:'''Bart:''' Up here.
:'''Clancy Wiggum:''' Get them! Get them!
:'''Homer:''' Little help? You know, the word ''apology'' is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
:''[They try to tear down the tree and Maggie pointing to the sandbox. Maggie hopes in the sandbox and go away.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, what are we gonna do?
:'''Marge:''' Maggie, not now. We'll play later.
:'''Marge:''' The sinkhole. Follow me, kids!
:''[The family jumps after but Homer gets stuck in the beginning and start to digging.]''
:'''Bart:''' Geronimo!
:'''Lisa:''' Sacajawea!
:'''Homer:''' So long, losers!
:'''Moe:''' The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it!
:''[Everything around the house gets destroyed and all against to the sinkhole.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Well, they're China's problem now.
:''[Outside the dome sees Lisa, Colin how is plays music for her. Colin writes the note for &quot;Lisa's Song&quot; on the dome and Lisa humming it.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin! ''[Colin playing his guitar in silent]'' I can't hear you! Oh! ''[to Colin]'' I'd never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is—
:'''Bart:''' ''[singing]'' ''Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!''
:''[Lisa beats Bart in the face.]''
:'''Lisa:''' ...perfect.
:''[The family hear cars coming and flees. E.P.A-cars arrive.]''
:'''Marge:''' What do we do?
:'''Homer:''' Now we run.
:'''E.P.A.-man:''' I’m afraid we lost them, sir.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Damn it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,OOO tough guys and I want 10,OOO soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here's how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
:'''E.P.A-man:''' Sir, I’m afraid you've gone mad with power.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Of course I have. You ever try going mad without power? It's boring! No one listens to you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family is at the Red Rash Inn and Marge are hiding from a E.P.A helicopter and see two police officers, however they are interested in each other instead of her. Marge enters the room and sees Bart with a bottle.]''
:'''Marge:''' Bart, are you drinking Whiskey?
:'''Bart:''' I’m troubled.
:'''Marge:''' Bart!
:'''Bart:''' I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
:'''Marge:''' You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man.
:''[Bart drink bottle and running around the room.]''
:'''Bart:''' I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
:'''Marge:''' Where's your father?
:'''Lisa:''' He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
:''[Homer is outside the door and the family opens the door when he can not remember the code.]''
:'''Homer:''' Hey, guys? What's the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
:'''Marge:''' It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake.
:''[Homer shows with his body that he did not know.]''
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Homer:''' I don't know what to tell you, Marge. I don't think about things. I respect people who do but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again.
:'''Marge:''' Oh...
:''[Maggie and Lisa are looking at Marge.]''
:'''Marge:''' I mean, oh.
:'''Homer:''' Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry, I’ve prepared with a solution. I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly, we'd need a backup plan. And that plan is right here!
:''[Homer looks into his wallet and get a &quot;Get Out Of Jail Free&quot; and &quot;Basketball Card&quot; before he finds what he search for and shows a poster from Alaska.]''
:'''Homer:''' No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Uh, Ta... da!
:'''Lisa:''' Alaska?
:'''Homer:''' Alaska. A place where you can't be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: Let's see your high school equivalency certificate.
:'''Marge:''' I don't know, Homie.
:'''Homer:''' I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone. And live really come to like you guys.
:'''Marge:''' I just don't see it.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: ''l need you to do this with me.'' And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
:''[Homer holds out his hand and Marge grabs it with her hand.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, Homie, I’m with you.
:'''Homer:''' Thank you, my sweetheart.
:'''Bart:''' Mom?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, honey?
:'''Bart:''' You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
:'''Homer:''' You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:'''Bart:''' How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
:'''Homer:''' All right, son. If you don't believe in me, believe in America.
:''[Homer shows what is available outside the hotel window and the image is panned to an amusement park.]''
:'''Homer:''' America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked.
:''[The family is at an amusement park.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.
:'''Homer:''' What's the catch?
:'''Tivoli-man:''' No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $10.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, how much money do we have?
:'''Marge:''' $10.
:'''Homer:''' Whooh!
:''[Homer tries but fails.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' That counts as a try. ''[Another failed attempt]'' That's two. ''[Another failed attempt]'' And that's three. Here's what I'll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself - I'll give you one on the house.
:'''Homer:''' You're the best.
:'''Lisa:''' Dad! When you get to the top, don't slow down, speed up!
:'''Homer:''' But that's when it's the scariest.
:'''Lisa:''' Just do it!
:''[Homer takes courage and success and the audience cheers.]''
:'''Homer:''' Oh! Oh! Whooh!
:'''Bart:''' Yes!
:'''Lisa:''' Yay, Dad!
:'''Homer:''' I'll take that truck now.
:''[Homer gets the car keys from the Tivoli-man and a Siamese female beats with a rolling pin.]''
:'''Tivoli-man:''' Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
:''[The family drives off in the car.]''
:'''Homer:''' Next stop, Alaska!
:''[At Moe's Tavern, they look at the television and the power goes and Moe loses first all the beers and after that everything else.]''
:'''Kent Brockman:''' Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
:'''Moe:''' Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay.
:''[The family thought the car and Marge and Bart are in the shop.]''
:'''Marge:''' I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. You are, aren't you?
:'''Bart:''' I'll prove it.
:''[Bart shoots with is slingshot away Homer's hot dog as he eats and he begins eating a new one.]''
:'''Marge:''' We're giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to... Oh, my God.
:''[Marge sees a wanted sign with them and try to get the cashier to not see the sign so Bart graffiti on it so it looks like another family.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Can I help you?
:'''Marge:''' We need diapers.
:'''Cashier:''' Okay.
:'''Marge:''' No. No, we don't. We don't. Ladies' razorblades.
:'''Cashier:''' Right.
:'''Marge:''' No! No. No, we don't. I forgot, we're European.
:'''Cashier:''' Aha!
:'''Marge:''' Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That's right. That's what we need. That's all we came in for.
:'''Cashier:''' Sure.
:''[Bart then draws wacky designs on the wanted poster, giving Homer a droopy mustache and wacky slick hair, Marge a blue Alfredo and buckteeth, Bart himself thicker eyebrows and buckteeth, Lisa an eye patch and buckteeth, and Maggie straight, blue hair. The cashier spots a family that is similar to the doodle and points at them.]''
:'''Cashier:''' Oh, my God. There-There they are!
:''[The other family were apprehended by the E.P.A and Simpsons drives away and Bart laughs. In Springfield, it will be power outages and Mr. Burns met three representatives on his home.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' So...you want some of my [[w:Electric|electricity]], do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
:'''Dr. Julius Hibbert:''' The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' ''Lives lost.'' Go on.
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Tempting. Tempting.
:'''Apu:''' Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you'll find the answer.
:''[Smithers frantically shakes his head and waves his hands in protest. Outside Burns' mansion, Julius, Wiggum, and Apu are chased out by the hounds.]''
:'''Mr. Burns:''' First door on the right.
:'''Apu:''' Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The family comes to Alaska and it is nothing like the poster so Homer puts the poster on the car window.]''
:'''Homer:''' What? This isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that's better.
:'''Marge:''' Homer!
:''[Marge takes off the poster, the family goes down a cliff and screams. When they landed they see at they are there.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
:'''Custom man:''' Welcome to Alaska. Here's $1000.
:'''Homer:''' Well, it's about time! But why?
:'''Custom man:''' We pay every resident $1000 to allow oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
:''[Homer kissing the customs man some waving them away.]''
:'''Homer:''' I’m home!
:'''Custom man:''' Oh, thanks.
:''[Lisa and Bart are out in the snow and Homer are on the way home after picking firewood. Bart claps so there will be avalanches.]''
:'''Lisa:''' What are you doing, Bart?
:'''Bart:''' Eh, just passing the time.
:'''Homer:''' My boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
:'''Lisa:''' But, Dad...
:'''Homer:''' Clap for Alaska!
:''[Lisa clap too, so it becomes more avalanches. Homer runs into the house to avoid the snow.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true.
:''[Homer and Marge get prepare to love and be pampered by the animals. Bird says, &quot;We're going to need more birds.&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[In Springfield are Kent makes reports.]''
:'''Kent:''' Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low who knows what spark will set off this powder keg?
:''[In Springfield Book Club.]''
:'''Helen Lovejoy:''' Okay. Let's discuss ''Tuesdays with Morrie''.
:'''Cookie Kwan:''' Again? lf we don't get a new book, I’m going to puke.
:'''Lindsay Naegle:''' You're the five people I’m going to meet in hell!
:''[There will be trouble and in the AA on the church get their coffee machine destroyed.]''
:'''Barney:''' We're out of coffee! I can't take another minute in this dome!
:''[The residents of Springfield are moving towards the dome and try to destroy it and Stampy makes a crack in it.]''
:'''Ralph:''' Take that. Oh, no! Blowback!
:''[Russ shows for the president what they do.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Look what they're doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir?
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' A crack?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Exactly. First let me stick to the Problem. People got out of the dome before, they're gonna get out again. And when they do, there's gonna be hearings, investigations....
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Gotten Himmel! I’ll have to go back to making family comedies. Ach!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don't have to read them. You'll have deniability. I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' No. I need to know what I’m approving.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Okay, I pick three.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Try again.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' One.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Go higher.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Five?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Too high.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Three?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' You said three.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Six?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There is no six.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Two?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Double it.
:'''Arnold Schwarzenegger:''' Four!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' As you wish, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Alaska watch the family the TV.]''
:'''[[Tom Hanks]]' voice:''' Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
:'''TV Dad:''' Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
:'''TV Girl:''' It's so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
:'''TV Boy:''' Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
:'''Tom Hanks:''' Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
:'''Marge:''' That's where Springfield is!
:'''Tom Hanks:''' It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
:'''Bart:''' Did you see that?
:'''Marge:''' Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
:'''Homer:''' I’m happy here. Screw Springfield!
:'''Marge:''' I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
:'''Homer:''' Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
:'''Marge:''' It was 7 at night.
:'''Homer:''' It was during access Hollywood.
:'''Marge:''' Which is on at 4 and 7.
:'''Homer:''' D'oh!
:'''Lisa:''' Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
:'''Bart:''' Flanders helped when we were in trouble.
:'''Homer:''' Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.
:'''Bart:''' I wish he was.
:'''Homer:''' You don't mean that. You worship me.
:''[Bart shows he designed the Flanders on a picture of Homer.]''
:'''Bart:''' Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly.
:'''Homer:''' ''[turns red in anger]'' Why, you little! I'll strangle-angle you!
:''[Homer strangles Bart and Marge interrupts and gives Homer her hand.]''
:'''Bart:''' Diddily-diddily.
:'''Marge:''' Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer... in every marriage, you get one chance to say: &quot;l need you to do this with me.&quot;
:'''Homer:''' That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
:'''Marge:''' Homer Simpson!
:'''Lisa:''' We're saving Springfield!
:'''Homer:''' Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again.
:''[Homer leaves the house and the rest of the family is looking out and Bart tries to show the picture at Ned for him.]''
:'''Homer:''' I have spoken! Hmph!
:''[Homer visits Eski Moe's and plays Grand Theft Walrus.]''
:'''Homer:''' Well, I guess live let her worry about me long enough.
:''[Homer lifts home and discovers that the house is empty.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids? Huh?
:''[Homer finds a video cassette with the text &quot;Play me the VCR,&quot; and he do that. In the movie are Marge talking.]''
:'''Marge:''' Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, ''Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.''
:''[Homer laughs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Way back.
:'''Marge:''' Lately. what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because....
:'''Homer:''' Because?
:'''Marge:''' Well. that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye. Homie.
:''[Homer looks at what is left of the wedding video.]''
:'''Marge:''' I love you.
:''[Homer leaves the house.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge? Kids?
:''[Homer faints on an ice floe. Sign saying &quot;To be continued&quot; appears. Sign saying &quot;Immediately&quot; appears. Homer lies in the snow where a polar bear going to attack him but is frightened by a woman in gibberish. Bear sighs and push a fox with his foot. He takes care of Homer. The rest of the family is on a train.]''
:'''Bart:''' So, Mom, what's our plan?
:'''Marge:''' What are you doing up there?
:'''Bart:''' Looking through people's luggage. ''[with a squeaky voice]'' I’m the mascot of an evil corporation.
:''[Bart laughs.]''
:'''Marge:''' Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield.
:'''Lisa:''' ''[whispers]'' I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.
:'''Marge:''' Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.
:''[The conductor is connected to the National Security Agency, where they listen to the calls in the U.S..]''
:'''Woman #1 on Phone:''' Hi. I’m calling about your Meat Lover's pizza. I like meat, but I don't know if I’m ready to love again.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' You hang up first.
:'''Man on Phone:''' No, you hang up first.
:'''Woman #2 on Phone:''' Okay.
:'''Man on Phone:''' She hung up on me!
:'''Lisa:''' But we're fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.
:'''NSA-man''' ''[Shouting and cheering]'' Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah!
:''[Homer wakes up with a woman in a tent.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Homer Simpson, do you know why you are here?
:'''Homer:''' Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Drink this liquid.
:''[Homer drinks a liquid that gives a fire in his mouth.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[screams, then calmly]'' More, please. ''[drinks a liquid some more]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Now we will cleanse your spirit by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
:'''Homer:''' Throat singing?
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]''
:'''Homer:''' How long are we doing this?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Until you have an epiphany.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing again.]''
:'''Homer:''' What's an epiphany?
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Sudden realization of great truth.
:'''Homer:''' Okay.
:''[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing another again. Homer gets a vision of where he goes around and divided into pieces and is beaten.]''
:'''Singers:''' Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He's a Spider-Pig
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Unless you have an epiphany you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
:'''Homer:''' Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. ''[The ghostly hans slap him in the face]'' Americans will never embrace soccer? ''[Gets slapped again]'' More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself? ''[gets slapped again, then disembodied.]'' Hey, what are you doing? ''[His body parts begin to melt]'' Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don't care about myself anymore. ''[his body parts reverse the melting process and back to normal face]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Because...?
:'''Homer:''' Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. ''[tree's hand in shaking]'' In order to save myself I have to save Springfield! That's it! Isn't it?
:''[Homer is acclaimed put his body back to normal by applause and cheering before Homer shakes his tree's hand, back in present, he do a throat singing once again, he wakes from the vision.]''
:'''Homer:''' That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady.
:''[Homer hugs the Medicine Woman and walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The train arrives at Seattle and family lower the head when they see Russ Cargill.]''
:'''Marge:''' This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us?
:''[E.P.A enters the car and take care of them.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Yes, I did.
:''[Homer go dog sledding and whips the dogs.]''
:'''Homer:''' Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run!
:''[Homer thank the dogs some attacked him before Homer gets lonely after the dogs leave him.]''
:'''Homer:''' Now I know we've had a rough day, but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just- Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm! ''[the dogs runs away]'' Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
:''[Homer goes into a blizzard and talking to himself.]''
:'''Homer:''' Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can't. I can't keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can't! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what's the point? It’s hopeless.
:''[Homer faints in the snow and discovers an aurora with Medicine Woman some showing with her breasts where he should go.]''
:'''Medicine Woman:''' Don't give up, Homer. You are closer than you think.
:'''Homer:''' But which way do I go? ''[Medicine Woman shakes his clothing from side to side, he stops]'' Much obliged.
:''[Homer are outside Springfield and see an E.P.A-car and hear Lisa play wit her saxophone.]''
:'''Guard:''' Ten-hut!
:''[Homer looks at binoculars, he looks]''
:'''Homer:''' Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do?
:''[Homer sees a work vehicle and the car with the family stops in front of a Sop-sign.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #1:''' There's something strange about that ''sop'' sign.
:''[Homer drive the work vehicle and intend to save the family but fails.]''
:'''Bart:''' Did you hear something?
:'''Lisa:''' Probably just a moth.
:'''Marge:''' I hope it's okay.
:''[Homer gets hit by ball on the vehicle and travels back and forth before he falls to the ground.]''
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Look, we can't keep stopping at every ''stop,'' ''yield'' or ''one way'' sign. Just move on.
:''[The car drive away. Bart tries to get the driver to release them, with the results of the family becomes anesthetized.]''
:'''Bart:''' Let us out! Let us out!
:'''E.P.A chauffeur #2:''' Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
:'''Bart:''' I hope I do.
:'''Lisa:''' Oh, way to go, Bart.
:'''Bart:''' You stink.
:'''Lisa:''' No, you stink.
:''[The family wakes up in Springfield and they see how the city got worse, but Bart gets upset when Springfield Elementary School is left.]''
:'''Marge:''' Springfield.
:'''Bart:''' I can't believe it, but it got even crappier. ''[Springfield Town ruined and Springfield Elementary School is free]'' Oh, man.
:''[The family gets scared when they hear Moe gibberish and lots of people running around in the background and Moe appears with a hat.]''
:'''Moe:''' Oh, hi, Midge.
:'''Marge:''' Moe, what happened?
:'''Moe:''' With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here.
:'''Marge:''' Why are you dressed like that?
:'''Moe:''' Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield.
:'''Barney:''' No, you're not!
:'''Moe:''' Yes, I am!
:''[Moe causes an explosion.]''
:'''Barney:''' Okay. Hail, emperor.
:''[Russ shows up on the TV screen.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Attention. Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore. we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle.
:''[Residents cheer but gets nuts when a bomb with a time of 15 minutes is inserted into the city and residents are hiding and running away.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Which involves killing you all. ''[Residents groans]'' As I speak. we're lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst. ''[Milhouse is hiding in the bin]''
:'''Marge:''' Despite everything, I miss your father.
:'''Bart:''' Me too. His big, fat ass could shield us all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homer is dressed as a guard.]''
:'''Homer:''' Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately.
:'''E.P.A guard:''' Why is it written on a leaf?
:''[Homer knocks the guard and show his task list. Homer tries to climb up but fail, he find super glue and put it on his hands and stick one of his hands in his crotch, he start later to climb up for the dome.]''
:'''Homer:''' Perfect. Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cojones! Oops.
:'''Lisa:''' Mom, live gotta go find Colin.
:'''Marge:''' Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time.
:''[Homer is slippery on the dome with glue, muffled. Hibbert was playing harmonica, Lenny, Carl, Hibbert and Cletus are looking at the bomb.]''
:'''Carl:''' Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
:'''Lenny:''' Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?
:''[Cletus throats and appears.]''
:'''Cletus:''' My time to shine.
:''[Cletus start talking to Russ and the residents start to climb up on the rope some goes to the top of the dome.]''
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What do you want?
:'''Cletus:''' Um… Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it?
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Four generations of inbreeding?
:'''Cletus''': But, oh…
:'''Carl:''' I can smell fresh air.
:'''Lindsay Neagle:''' I can hear birds.
:'''Sideshow Mel:''' I taste freedom.
:'''Homer:''' Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!
:''[Homer slides down of the rope and knocks the Residents off the rope, Homer knocks the bomb off the rope with screaming and falls to the ground, Barney manages to catch the bomb safely and puts it down.]''
:'''Russ Cargill:''' I was tricked by an idiot!
:'''Cletus:''' Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Goodbye.
:''[The dome TV screen ends.]''
:'''Homer:''' ''[groaning]'' Homer do good?
:'''Bart:''' Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' But l...Oh. ''[sobs]'' Oh, I can't do anything right.
:''[Homer kicks at the bomb some changes from 8:23 to 4:11.]''
:'''Krusty:''' Get outta here!
:''[Homer is chased away, and Bart walks away before Comic Book Guy looks at comic books]''
:'''Comic book guy:''' I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there's only time to say: Life well spent!
:''[In the church is Ned with the kids, and Bart enters.]''
:'''Ned:''' Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
:'''Todd:''' Will Buddha be there too?
:'''Ned:''' No.
:'''Bart:''' Hey, Flanders.
:'''Ned:''' Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you're here.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if before I died I could pretend I had a father who cared for me.
:'''Ned:''' Come here, son. There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.
:''[Bart gets a hug from Ned and Todd and Rod do not like it. A robot trying to destroy the bomb but shoots himself with Clancy's gun.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You're our last hope.
:'''Bomb-disarming Robot:''' Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure! ''[Robot bomb died.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' He'd been talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
:''[Homer walk at the town and sees Marge, but collides with a tree. The tree shows at he should go up to the top of the dome and the rays show at he should do that with a scooter some lying on the ground in the city. Homer decides to give money to the tree.]''
:'''Homer:''' Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the ''epipha-tree''! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice.
:''[Homer is driving the scoter and takes the bomb with a time at 2:10.]''
:'''Grampa Simpson:''' Homer? What the hell are you doing now?
:'''Homer:''' Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop.
:''[Doomsday clock shows 1:34 and Homer comes to the church where Flanders and Bart pray.]''
:'''Homer:''' Bart, son, You think you could find it in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance?
:'''Bart:''' Oh, I don't know.
:'''Ned:''' It seems to me, son, that your father's saying that he wants to spend his last minute with you.
:'''Bart:''' No! I can't do it. I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word?
:'''Rodd and Todd:''' Consistency.
:'''Bart:''' Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' I'll let you hold the bomb.
:'''Bart:''' The man knows me.
:''[Bart go to Homer and they drive off.]''
:'''Todd:''' I wish Homer was my father.
:'''Ned:''' And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
:''[Homer and Bart travel at the moped to the top and Martin meets some bullies and beat them.]''
:'''Martin Prince:''' I've been taking your crap all my life! This feels good, no wonder you do it.
:'''Homer:''' Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole.
:'''Bart:''' Dad, in case I miss, I’m sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
:'''Homer:''' I don't blame you, son. I wasn't much of a father, maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes, it's clear to me, it's just been one long, unbroken cycle of....
:''[Marge talk to them in a megaphone.]''
:'''Marge:''' '''SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!!!'''
:'''Bart:''' Gah!
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
:'''Otto:''' What? What's going on?
:''[Bart throws the bomb and with few seconds left and the bomb is on its way back through the hole, but it stops at the outside of the dome.]''
:'''Crowd:''' Yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! No no no no no no no no!!!!
:''[The residents are worried but get happy when it explodes. The dome begins to be destroyed and Bart and Homer drive down of the dome and scream at the edge of Springfield.]''
:'''Homer:''' We did it, boy!
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:'''Homer:''' Aahhhhhhhhhhh!
:''[The lands outside of Springfield Gorge.]''
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
:'''Homer:''' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Gah!
:'''Homer and Bart:''' Woo-hoo!
:''[The dome explodes completely, and Dr. Nick gets a big chunk at the body and sock off.]''
:'''Chief Wiggum:''' It’s amazing no one was hurt.
:'''Dr. Nick:''' Bye, everybody. ''[dying groan]''
:''[Homer and Bart looks out of Springfield. Russ Cargill has a gun.]''
:'''Bart:''' Now, that was a great father-son activity!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' Hello, Homer.
:'''Homer:''' So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do '''''both''''' right now.
:'''Bart:''' Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!
:'''Russ Cargill:''' What treasure?!
:'''Bart:''' The Treasure of Ima Wiener.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' &quot;Ima Wiener&quot;?
:''[Bart and Homer laugh]''
:'''Homer:''' Classic.
:'''Russ Cargill:''' ''[last words]'' Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
:''[Maggie hits a rock in Russ head as he passes out.]''
:'''Homer:''' Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be.
:''[Maggie walks away and Lisa is in downtown Springfield looking for Colin.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Colin? Colin!
:'''Milhouse:''' Lisa? Colin's dead. But his last words were: Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.
:''[Colin shows up.]''
:'''Milhouse:''' I got her all warmed up for you.
:'''Lisa:''' Colin. Hi.
:'''Colin:''' Hey, you wanna go...?
:'''Lisa:''' Clean up the lake?
:'''Colin:''' Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay.
:'''Lisa:''' I like ice cream.
:''[Colin and Lisa are taking each other's hand.]''
:'''Lisa:''' Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
:''[Homer and Bart comes to downtown Springfield and gets acclaimed. Santa's Little Helper arrives.]''
:'''Bart:''' Boy! You survived! How?
:''[Santa's Little Helper, barks I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever.]''
:'''Bart:''' I love you too.
:''[Homer sees Marge and grab her for a ride and kiss her with Maggie in the basket.]''
:'''Marge:''' Best kiss of my life.
:'''Homer:''' Best kiss of your life so far.
:''[The town gets rebuilt and Homer are on the roof with Bart and fix the roof.]''
:'''Homer:''' Steady, steady, steady.
:'''Bart:''' Uh, Dad?
:''[Bart gives Homer safety glasses.]''
:'''Homer:''' Thanks, boy. Steady.
:''[Homer nailing himself in the leg.]''
:'''Homer:''' Woo hoo! ''[remixes where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle]'' Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
:''[Homer screams and Bart laughs.]''
:'''Bart:''' Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The final text starts scrolling. Burn's mansion has no possessions. The end credits roll.]''
:'''Waylon Smithers, Jr.:''' They've taken everything, sir.
:'''Mr. Burns:''' Smithers, I don't believe in suicide but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
:''[The final text will continue to roll.]''
:'''Tom Hanks:''' This is Tom Hanks, saying: if you see me in person, please, leave me be.
:''[&quot;Spider-Pig (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. &quot;Homer Suite (Film Version)&quot; is heard. The family is sitting in a cinema during the final text.]''
:'''Bart:''' Come on, Dad, let's go. I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town.
:'''Homer:''' You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names!
:'''Lisa:''' Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
:'''Lisa:''' Phew!
:'''Homer:''' Okay. Ooh, Floor popcorn.
:'''Lisa:''' Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
:'''Marge:''' Oh, my God, her first word!
:'''Maggie:''' Sequel? ''[The family walks away.]''
:''[He continued to roll the credits. &quot;Giddy up Suite (Film version)&quot; is coming, and &quot;Happy Ending (Credits Version)&quot; is heard. He sings Springfield Anthem. &quot;Homer Suite (Film version in reprise)&quot; is heard. After the credits are finished, the squeaky-voiced teenaged janitor comes in and starts cleaning.]''
:'''Squeaky-voiced teen:''' Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be! Four years of film school for this?!
:''[Gracie Films logo plays.]''
:''[The End]''

== Taglines ==
* See Our Family, And Feel Better About Yours.
* For Years, Lines Have Been Drawn...And Then Colored In Yellow.

== Voice cast ==
* '''[[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]]''' – [[Homer Simpson]], [[Itchy and Scratchy|Itchy]], Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, [[Krusty the Clown]], Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, [[Sideshow Mel]], Mr. Teeny, E.P.A Official, Kissing Cop, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie
* '''[[Julie Kavner]]''' – [[Marge Simpson]], Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier
* '''[[Nancy Cartwright]]''' – [[Bart Simpson]], [[Maggie Simpson]], [[Ralph Wiggum]], [[Nelson Muntz]], Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, Woman on Phone
* '''[[w:Yeardley Smith|Yeardley Smith]]''' – [[Lisa Simpson]]
* '''[[w:Hank Azaria|Hank Azaria]]''' – Professor Frink, [[Comic Book Guy]], Moe Szyslak, [[Chief wiggum|Chief Wiggum]], Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male E.P.A Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, [[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]], Dredrick Tatum, Sea Captain, E.P.A Passenger, Robot, Dr. Nick Riviera
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – [[Itchy and Scratchy|Scratchy]], [[Mr. Burns]], Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Smithers, Toll Booth Man, Guard, Otto, Kang
* '''[[w:Pamela Hayden|Pamela Hayden]]''' – Milhouse Van Houten / Rod Flanders / Jimbo
* '''[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]''' – Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Agnes Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Crazy Cat Lady, Female E.P.A Worker, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, Girl on Phone
* '''[[w:Albert Brooks|A. Brooks]]''' – Russ Cargill
* '''[[w:Karl Wiedergott|Karl Wiedergott]]''' – Man, E.P.A Driver
* '''[[w:Marcia Wallace|Marcia Wallace]]''' – Mrs. Krabappel
* '''[[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]]''' – Martin Prince
* '''[[w:Maggie Roswell|Maggie Roswell]]''' – Helen Lovejoy
* '''[[w:Phil Rosenthal|Phil Rosenthal]]''' – TV Dad
* '''[[Billie Joe Armstrong]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[Tré Cool]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[w:Mike Dirnt|Mike Dirnt]]''' – [[Green Day]]
* '''[[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]]''' – Fat Tony
* '''[[Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks – Himself]]'''

== Teaser Trailers ==
=== Teaser Trailer #1 ===
:'''Announcer''': In 2007, leaping his way onto the silver screen. The greatest hero in American history.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Homer Simpson sitting on the couch]''
:'''Homer''': I forgot what I'm supposed to say.
:''[Cut to an early version of &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; logo on a purple background]''
:'''Announcer''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', opening worldwide, July 27, 2007.
:'''Homer''': ''[off-screen]'' Uh-oh, we better get started.
:'''Mr. Burns''': ''[off-screen]'' Excellent!
:''[The title says July 27, 2007]''

=== Teaser Trailer #2 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty.... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Time to save my family!
:''[The wrecking ball is about to wreck the truck, but barely touches it; it smashes on Homer instead and smashes on many billboards then stops. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007. It then smashed again by a rock and the tie cut itself and gets slammed]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

=== Teaser Trailer #3 ===
:''[It starts with a bunny dancing to Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy with a bunch of flowers dancing as well]''
:'''Narrator''': In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty... one film dares to be ugly.
:''[The title slams the bunny]''
:'''Moe''': ''The Simpsons Movie'', in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'.
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady.
:''[Homer gets the hammer in the eye, causing him to yell in pain and Bart laughs. In theaters worldwide, July 27, 2007]''
:'''Homer''': Steady. Steady...
:''[He falls through the roof]''
:'''Homer''': ''[weakly]'' This film is not yet rated.
:''[thesimpsons.com, is below]''

== Production quotes ==
* We're very excited about the performances in this movie. Come next Oscars, we think it's going to be Milhouse's night. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;rot&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/news/comments/?entryid=310882 |title=Fox Issues Official Word on &quot;The Simpsons Movie&quot; |accessdate=2006-04-04 |first=Scott |last=Weinberg |date=2006-04-04 |publisher=Rotten Tomatoes}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* Since 2001 we had been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot;&gt;{{cite news|url=http://usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2006-04-02-simpsons-movie_x.htm |title=Mmmm, popcorn: A 'Simpsons' film in '07 |accessdate=2006-04-02 |first=Scott |last=Bowles |date=[[2006-04-02]] |publisher=[[USA Today]]}}&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've been running a little behind schedule, but only by about 15 years. ~ Matt Groening&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* If I were feeling any more pressure, I'd be a diamond. ~ Al Jean&lt;ref name=&quot;usa&quot; /&gt;
* We're going to put some fake plots out there just to make things interesting. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;good&quot;&gt;[http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/JamesLBrooks/JamesLBrooks.html As Good As He Gets] at filmmonthly.com, December 13, 2004&lt;/ref&gt;
* The idea of the movie is that all of us who ran the show at one point, and who have been there from the beginning come together as the writing team for this movie. ~ James L. Brooks
* That trailer is running on 7000 screens this weekend, committing us to opening every place in the world on the same date, which means we'd better get started. ~ James L. Brooks&lt;ref name=&quot;var&quot;&gt;[http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117940840.html?categoryid=14&amp;cs=1 Homer going to bat in '07] at Variety.com, April 2, 2006&lt;/ref&gt;
* We've taken script security to the point of lunacy, although it helped that we wrote it in Aramaic. ~ Mike Scully
* This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say. ~ James L. Brooks
* I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume. ~ Al Jean
* The movie is a result of the very singular vision of 11 people. ~ Mike Scully
* It has been rough. We worked at it for a long time and then found out that ''Snakes on a Plane'' was doing the same story. ~ James L. Brooks

==Notes and references==
{{reflist}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://imdb.com/title/tt0462538/quotes ''The Simpsons Movie''] quotes at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]. 
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/simpsons_movie/ ''The Simpsons Movie''] at [[w:Rotten Tomatoes|Rotten Tomatoes]].

{{The Simpsons}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Simpsons Movie, The}}
[[Category:2007 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American adult animated films]]
[[Category:Adult animated films]]
[[Category:American animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:The Simpsons]]
[[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]]
[[Category:Films based on adult animated television series]]
[[Category:Screenplays by James L. Brooks]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Alaska]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Washington, D.C.]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Seattle]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Wishbone (TV series)|Wishbone]]''''' is a television show which aired on [[w:PBS|PBS]] from 1995 to 1997 in the United States, featuring the dog Wishbone as &quot;the little dog with a big imagination&quot;. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

== Wishbone ==
* Ah! The smell of fresh dirt in your snout!
* Eat your heart out, Lassie.
* ''Gasps'' ''Ellen''! And to think I trusted you!
* Extinction comes early for ''one'' dinosaur.
* Feed the dog. ''Feeeeeeed the dooooogggg''.
* Holmes, ol' boy, to catch an actor, you must ''become'' an actor!
* Huh. This is not like me at all; I'm usually the first one up. Awake all night, sleeping all day... if I didn't know better, I'd think I was turning into... a cat! Oh, no! I've got ''kitty cooties''!
* I know I sound really rude and arrogant, but I'm really just the nicest guy! Is this the part where you shut the door in my face? Yes it is.
* Let's see... bandits all around... but I'm not a quitter. &lt;br&gt; I'm not a quitter, but I ''am'' leaving. I am ''so'' leaving!
* Nobody ever listens to the dog.
* Okay, you've just seen a tree walk across your front yard. What are the implications of this? Trees are supposed to have roots, not legs. What if trees have suddenly ''sprouted'' legs? What if they're all trying to walk away?
* Try not to look cute and they'll leave you alone.
* Y'know, every so often, even heroes need help!
* Diction, people, diction!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': ''[looking at the flier showing Sam eating]'' Oh, Sam, this is terrible. A clear-cut invasion of privacy...
:''[suddenly stops]''
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': Is that a tater tot? Do they still serve tater tots? I love tater tots.
:''[the others look at her]''
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': Oh, sorry.
:'''Wishbone''': Oh, no, Wanda. That's the thing about food and love: never having to say you're sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Kepler''': Now, Wishbone, sit and stay.
:'''Wishbone''': I know: sit, stay, save the day. It's what I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Joe Talbot''': Let's go to the No-Name grave.
:'''Wishbone''': Whoo-oooh, scary.
:'''Sam Kepler''': You know, there's a lot of stories about that grave. It's been there as long as anyone can remember. It's supposed to be haunted.
:'''David Barnes''': Well, I heard that it was somebody who was murdered, and the murderer buried the body there.
:'''Sam Kepler''': But there's no name on the tombstone, and now, the ghost can find no peace.
:'''David Barnes''': So sometimes he comes up to tell a story.
:'''Sam Kepler''': But he is so horrible-looking, that whoever sees him drops dead immediately, and gets sucked into the grave.
:'''Joe Talbot''': But nobody really believes that, right?
:'''David Barnes''': Right.
:'''Sam Kepler''': Of course not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Wishbone''': ''[as Tom Sawyer, he and Huck see a cannon go off on a ship looking for a drowneded body]'' I know who's drowneded. It's us!
:'''Huck Finn''': Us?
:'''Wishbone''': Well we snuck away so nobody knows where we are! They think we're dead and drowneded! We're heroes, Huck, we're famous!
:'''Huck Finn''': But we're dead.
:'''Wishbone''': Only temporarily, Huckleberry Finn. Best kind of death is a temporary one.

==Cast==
* [[w:Soccer (dog)|Soccer]], also Slugger, Shiner, Phoebe, and Bear as Wishbone
* [[w:Larry Brantley|Larry Brantley]] – Wishbone's voice
* [[w:Jordan Wall (actor, born 1981)|Jordan Wall]] – Joseph &quot;Joe&quot; Talbot
* Christie Abbott – Samantha &quot;Sam&quot; Kepler
* [[w:Adam Springfield|Adam Springfield]] – David Barnes
* Mary Chris Wall – Ellen MacWilliam Talbot
* Alex Morris – Nathaniel &quot;Nathan&quot; Barnes 
* Maria Arita – Ruth Vincent Barnes 
* [[w:Angee Hughes|Angee Hughes]] – Wanda Gilmore
* Justin Reese – Nathaniel Bobelesky
* Akin Babatunde – Homer Vincent
* Adan Sanchez – Lee Natonabah/Dan Bloodgood
* Rick Perkins – Mr. Bob Pruitt
* [[w:Julio Cedillo|Julio Cedillo]] – Travis del Rio 
* [[w:Mikaila|Mikaila Enriquez]] – Melina Finch 
* Paul English, Jr. – Marcus Finch 
* Joe Duffield – Damont Jones
* [[w:Jarrad Kritzstein|Jarrad Kritzstein]] – Jimmy Kidd 
* Taylor Pope – Curtis

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Wishbone (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0112225|title=Wishbone}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wishbone}}
[[Category:American fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about dogs]]</text>
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      <id>3951860</id>
      <parentid>3951855</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:48:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4526" sha1="mmrbaanadpcrpxzhjdtojtnbyumxscq" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Wishbone (TV series)|Wishbone]]''''' is a television show which aired on [[w:PBS|PBS]] from 1995 to 1997 in the United States, featuring the dog Wishbone as &quot;the little dog with a big imagination&quot;. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

== Wishbone ==
* Ah! The smell of fresh dirt in your snout!
* Eat your heart out, Lassie.
* ''Gasps'' ''Ellen''! And to think I trusted you!
* Extinction comes early for ''one'' dinosaur.
* Feed the dog. ''Feeeeeeed the dooooogggg''.
* Holmes, ol' boy, to catch an actor, you must ''become'' an actor!
* Huh. This is not like me at all; I'm usually the first one up. Awake all night, sleeping all day... if I didn't know better, I'd think I was turning into... a cat! Oh, no! I've got ''kitty cooties''!
* I know I sound really rude and arrogant, but I'm really just the nicest guy! Is this the part where you shut the door in my face? Yes it is.
* Let's see... bandits all around... but I'm not a quitter. &lt;br&gt; I'm not a quitter, but I ''am'' leaving. I am ''so'' leaving!
* Nobody ever listens to the dog.
* Okay, you've just seen a tree walk across your front yard. What are the implications of this? Trees are supposed to have roots, not legs. What if trees have suddenly ''sprouted'' legs? What if they're all trying to walk away?
* Try not to look cute and they'll leave you alone.
* Y'know, every so often, even heroes need help!
* Diction, people, diction!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': ''[looking at the flier showing Sam eating]'' Oh, Sam, this is terrible. A clear-cut invasion of privacy...
:''[suddenly stops]''
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': Is that a tater tot? Do they still serve tater tots? I love tater tots.
:''[the others look at her]''
:'''Wanda Gilmore''': Oh, sorry.
:'''Wishbone''': Oh, no, Wanda. That's the thing about food and love: never having to say you're sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Kepler''': Now, Wishbone, sit and stay.
:'''Wishbone''': I know: sit, stay, save the day. It's what I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Joe Talbot''': Let's go to the No-Name grave.
:'''Wishbone''': Whoo-oooh, scary.
:'''Sam Kepler''': You know, there's a lot of stories about that grave. It's been there as long as anyone can remember. It's supposed to be haunted.
:'''David Barnes''': Well, I heard that it was somebody who was murdered, and the murderer buried the body there.
:'''Sam Kepler''': But there's no name on the tombstone, and now, the ghost can find no peace.
:'''David Barnes''': So sometimes he comes up to tell a story.
:'''Sam Kepler''': But he is so horrible-looking, that whoever sees him drops dead immediately, and gets sucked into the grave.
:'''Joe Talbot''': But nobody really believes that, right?
:'''David Barnes''': Right.
:'''Sam Kepler''': Of course not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Wishbone''': ''[as Tom Sawyer, he and Huck see a cannon go off on a ship looking for a drowneded body]'' I know who's drowneded. It's us!
:'''Huck Finn''': Us?
:'''Wishbone''': Well we snuck away so nobody knows where we are! They think we're dead and drowneded! We're heroes, Huck, we're famous!
:'''Huck Finn''': But we're dead.
:'''Wishbone''': Only temporarily, Huckleberry Finn. Best kind of death is a temporary one.

==Cast==
* [[w:Soccer (dog)|Soccer]], also Slugger, Shiner, Phoebe, and Bear as Wishbone
* [[w:Larry Brantley|Larry Brantley]] – Wishbone's voice
* [[w:Jordan Wall (actor, born 1981)|Jordan Wall]] – Joseph &quot;Joe&quot; Talbot
* Christie Abbott – Samantha &quot;Sam&quot; Kepler
* [[w:Adam Springfield|Adam Springfield]] – David Barnes
* Mary Chris Wall – Ellen MacWilliam Talbot
* Alex Morris – Nathaniel &quot;Nathan&quot; Barnes 
* Maria Arita – Ruth Vincent Barnes 
* [[w:Angee Hughes|Angee Hughes]] – Wanda Gilmore
* Justin Reese – Nathaniel Bobelesky
* Akin Babatunde – Homer Vincent
* Adan Sanchez – Lee Natonabah/Dan Bloodgood
* Rick Perkins – Mr. Bob Pruitt
* [[w:Julio Cedillo|Julio Cedillo]] – Travis del Rio 
* [[w:Mikaila|Mikaila Enriquez]] – Melina Finch 
* Paul English, Jr. – Marcus Finch 
* Joe Duffield – Damont Jones
* [[w:Jarrad Kritzstein|Jarrad Kritzstein]] – Jimmy Kidd 
* Taylor Pope – Curtis

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Wishbone (TV series)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0112225|title=Wishbone}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wishbone}}
[[Category:American fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about dogs]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T00:44:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34441-60</username>
        <id>3340396</id>
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      <origin>3951903</origin>
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      <text bytes="27071" sha1="cf0xssxumuoewvmyzao0b82qdyyxt6x" xml:space="preserve">[[File:DragonCon 2012 - Batman Beyond Cosplayer.jpg|thumb|It's a school night, boys and girls. I'm gonna have to call your folks.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker|Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker]]''''' is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]], a spinoff of the animated series ''[[Batman Beyond]]''. 
:''Directed by Curt Geda. Written by [[w:Paul Dini|Paul Dini]].
{{center|'''Good guys still wear black'''}}

== Batman (Terry McGinnis) ==
* ''[to the Jokerz]'' It's a school night, boys and girls.  I'm gonna have to call your folks.
* ''[after the Jokerz's vehicle crashes]'' That ain’t coming out of my allowance.
* I hate to say it, but I think your little Robin's turned into a bitter old crow.
* ''[to Ace]'' Good Batdog.

== The Joker ==
* [[William Shakespeare|Ah, brave new world, that has such putzes in it.]]
* You know, kids, a lot has changed while your old uncle Joker's been away: new Gotham, new rules, even a new ''Batman''; but now I'm tanned, I'm rested, and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again.
* Hello Gotham, Joker's back in town. ''[laughs]''
* ''[meeting the new Batman]'' Ah, the new boy: ears are too long and I miss the cape but not too shabby, not too shabby at all; Woof.
* ''[to Bruce]'' Oh no, your old eyes do not deceive you, Brucie; after all, who'd know me better than you?
* ''[to Bruce]'' Don't get up, Bruce, it's just an old friend come by to say hello. Hello, ''Batman''. ''[laughing]''
* This is one of Uncle Sam's orbiting defense satellites: Hyperion-class, laser armed, handy little gadget for shooting down unfriendly missiles or giving someone a world-class hotfoot. ''[simulation of the satellite firing down on Gotham]'' Think of it as urban tagging on a grand scale reminding all and sundry that this is Joker territory; you're welcome to try and stop us but, ''[chuckles]'' I'm not taking bets on that happening anytime soon, toodle.
* Aren't you the nasty tattletale, ratting me out before I have my fun? ''[prepares to fire the satellite laser]'' Papa spank.
* ''[preparing to fire the satellite laser]'' So where should I make Ground Zero, Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating, or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis? I always think it adds resonance to a hero's mission to have some defining element of tragedy in his background, don't you? Ah, but the one and only kickoff point must be stately Wayne Manor: gone in a flash before Brucie can hobble to safety or mount a rescue, don't worry though; I'll be hitting those other spots soon enough.
* ''[after shocking Ace]'' End of the line, [[w:Snoopy|Snoopy]].
* Adios, Brucie; I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that but the truth is, I really did hate your guts. ''[blows raspberry]''

== Timothy Drake ==
* ''[working on a communications array, not looking up]'' You might as well show yourself.  I heard you coming a mile away. ''[Batman decloaks]'' I'm no Boy Wonder anymore, but that old training never goes away, even at my age. 
* Me and the others gave everything, but it just wasn't enough for the old man.  I used to think, if I went on long enough, someday he'd retire and I'd... ah, the heck with it.  Capes, costumes, bad guys - it was kid's stuff!  Bruce probably did me a favor.  By the end, I was so sick of it I never wanted to see that stupid Robin suit again...! ''[turns around; Batman is gone]'' Some things never change.
* I owe you big time. Bruce couldn't have chosen anyone better to put on the mask.

== Bruce Wayne ==
* Terry. I've been thinking about something you once told me. And you were wrong. It's not Batman that makes you worthwhile; it's the other way around. Never tell yourself anything different.
*''[After hitting a target with a batarang]'' Still got it.

== Dee-Dee Twins ==
:''[both]'' On the double!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dee-Dee (1)''': Well, if it isn't old mister Wayne.
:'''Dee-Dee (2)''': So debonair.
:'''Dee-Dee (1)''': So dapper.
:'''Dee-Dee (2)''':  ''(knees him)'' So decrepit.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dee-Dee (1)''': Oh.
:'''Dee-Dee (2)''': Joy.

==Dialogue==
:'''Chucko''': Batman showed up and we had to ditch, but we were able to save this: the console's memory board. ''[Chucko slides the board to Joker, who is sitting across the table.  Joker catches it.]''  I know it's not much, but-
:'''The Joker''': It's not much? It's nothing. ''[smashes the memory board]''  Losers, all of you, a disgrace to the name Joker, why in my day...
:'''Bonk''': In your day?! Ever since you conned your way into this gang it's been &quot;in your day&quot; this, &quot;in your day&quot; that.
:'''Chucko''': ''[uneasily]'' Bonk.
:'''Bonk''': Your day is over, old man, even if you are who you say you are; and personally, I think you're a fake.
:'''The Joker''': Ah, brave new world, that has such putzes in it.
:'''Bonk''': He's got us running around, ripping out a lot of geek junk, but no cash!  He won't tell us what his plan is, even if he has one!  ''I want out''!
:'''The Joker''': ''[Amused, the Joker pulls out a gun.]'' If you insist... ''[the other Jokerz gasp]''
:'''Bonk''': ''[scared]'' Hey, man, take it easy! I-I was, I was just kidding!
:''[The Joker fires, but a flag with the word BANG! pops out of the end of the gun.]''
:'''The Joker''': So was I!  ''[The Joker chuckles and waves the gun, then shoots the flag into Bonk's chest]''  Oops!  No I wasn't!  That's also how we did it in my day. You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away: new Gotham, new rules, even a new ''Batman.''  But now I'm tanned, I'm rested, and I'm ready to give this town a [[wedgie]] again! I have to know you're with me.  Will you say it for me one time?
:'''Jokerz''': ''[terrified]''  We're with you!
:'''The Joker''': A little louder.
:'''Jokerz''': ''[louder]'' We're with you!
:'''The Joker''': Dee-Dee?
:'''Dee-Dee Twins''': We're with you!
:'''The Joker''': Boys?
:'''Chucko and Ghoul''': We're with you!
:'''The Joker''': Bonk? Oh, right. Dead! ''[pauses and grins brightly]'' Dee-Dee, be a lamb and sweep out the trash.  There's a good girls! ''[Dee-Dee Twins manage to get Bonk off of the table]''  Your renewed faith puts a smile in my heart!  Let's say we forget about tonight's mishap and start over?
:'''Chucko''': Great, Boss!
:'''The Joker''': Ghoul, m'boy, we're gonna need a new systems scanner; who's got one that they'd be willing to donate?
:'''Ghoul''': Checking... What we're after is cutting edge.  It's the only other place we can find one.
:'''The Joker''': ''[Reading off a list.]''  Hmmm... Nope.  Nuh-uh.  Nope.  ''[Finally finding a candidate.]'' Ah!
:'''Ghoul''': What? There?  Security's gonna be tight.
:'''The Joker''': Oh, yes!  But think of the fun!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terry''': So... The Joker, huh?  Must be spry for a guy who's like... mid-eighties?  Any theories on that?  Clone?  Robot?  [[w:Captain America|Suspended animation after being frozen in a block of ice?]]
:'''Bruce''': Shut up and drive.
:'''Terry''': Yes, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Terry and Dana are dancing, while Terry is falling asleep, Dana tries to keep him awake by talking...it doesn't work, so...]''
:'''Dana''': Terry, my head's on fire.'''
:'''Terry''': [takes the hand of another girl, his eyes are closed] You look good.'''
:'''Dana''': ''[angry]'' MCGINNIS!!'''
:''[Other girl giggles and walks away]''
:'''Terry''': Sorry, babe.  Guess the day was longer than I thought.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Terry McGinnis''': It's funny. I know about all your other major enemies, but you never mention him. He was the biggest, wasn't he?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': It wasn't a popularity contest. He was a psychopath. A monster.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': So how is it possible he could still be around after all this time?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': It's not possible.  He died years ago.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': You're sure?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[shortly]'' I was there.
:''[Bruce gets up starts walking away. There's a beat of silence]''
:'''Terry''' ''[softly]'': You killed him... didn't you? ''[Bruce stops and hangs his head, but still doesn't look at him]''  He was gonna do something so terrible that you had no other choice.  That was it, wasn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bruce Wayne''': It can't be. 
:'''The Joker''': Oh no. Your old eyes do not deceive you, Brucie! After all, ''[whispers]'' who'd know me better than you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terry McGinnis:''' Gordon told me what happened to Tim Drake.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': That's why I didn't want you going up against the Joker. Imposter or not.
:'''Terry McGinnis:''' Nothing against your old partners, but I'm a completely different Batman. I was never a Robin, I never- ''[notices the tattered Robin costume]'' Wait... Joker smashed up the cases, but why was this the only costume he went out of his way to destroy?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Robin did shoot him.
:'''Terry McGinnis:''' A ghost out for revenge? I don't buy it. I talked to Drake; he's got less love for that costume than the Joker. I think somehow he's behind this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': Where's the Joker?
:'''Timothy Drake''': Joker?
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': Drop the act, I know you are working for him.
:'''Timothy Drake''': No, Joker's gone. I don't know where he is, really.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': The suit's sensors aren't picking up any pulse fluctuations. He's telling the truth.
:'''Timothy Drake''': I don't do this anymore. I have a home and family. I gave this up years ago. Kids' stuff, that's all it was.
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': He may be telling the truth, but he's still wacked.
:'''Timothy Drake''': Fun and games. Boy wonder playing the hero. Fighting the bad guys and no one ever gets...''(then suddenly realizes)'' Oh God, ''(puts his hands on his head)'' I killed him. I didn't mean to. I tried so hard to forget, but I still hear the shot, still see his dead smile. Every night, the dreams get stronger. He's there when I sleep, whispering, laughing, telling me that I'm as bad as he is! We're both the same!
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': I'm calling an ambulance.
:'''Timothy Drake''': No, I'm alright. Forgive me, Terry. Old nasty memories twisting inside me like bad oysters. Nothing really. I'm perfectly fine now.
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': How do you know my name?
:'''Timothy Drake''': There's nothing about you I don't know, Batfake.
:''[Timothy throws the steel ball he's holding, which turns into an electric claw and grabs Terry by the arm, Terry collapses to the ground, immobilized.]''
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Terry!
:'''Timothy Drake''': Have a timeout, kid, can't let you spoil the party too soon. And Bruce, I'm sure you've got your monkey-boy wired somehow. That's just peachy, cause I want you to see every minute of this; it's a killer.
:''[Laughs, holding his head, and after a while, transforms into the Joker, and when he does so, he laughs as himself]''
:'''Bruce Wayne''': My God!
:'''The Joker''': ''[Takes off the lab coat, showing the purple tights underneath]'' Ooh, I never get tired of that.
:'''Terry McGinnis/Batman''': Drake, you're the Joker?
:'''The Joker''': ''[does a slight chuckle]'' That flabby oaf doesn't realize I'm using him as a timeshare. Beneath this puckish exterior lies the mind of a genius years ahead of my time. In the weeks young Robin was under my tutelage, I used him as the subject of my greatest experiment: utilizing [[w:Project_Cadmus|cutting-edge genetics technology]], which I had pinched here and there, I encoded my DNA on a microchip and set it into BirdBoy's BirdBrain, ''[points to a dot on the back of his neck]'' here. [[Justice_League_Unlimited#Epilogue|Everything that was me has been'a sleeping all comfy and cozy inside Tim Drake's subconscious]]. At first I had to limit the time I spent in Drake's body. He's not aware of what I do, chalking up lingering memories to bad dreams. If his family misses him, I simply call wifey and tell her, ''[Imitating Drake's voice]'' &quot;I'm working late, honey.&quot; ''[Goes back to his own voice]'' The changes come at will now, and soon I'll be strong enough to live in this body permanently. Mr. J's on the rebound, baby! My comeback party's gonna set the whole town on fire!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Joker''': ''[after targeting Wayne Manor]'' Adios, Brucie. I suppose I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. ''[blows a raspberry at Bruce, then turns to Terry]'' How about you, kid? Any last words for the old Bat-fart? ''[referring to Bruce] [&quot;Bat-fart&quot; becomes &quot;Bat-coot&quot; in the edited version]''
:'''Batman''': Yeah.  Sic 'im!
:''[Ace arrives on cue and attacks the Joker]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''The Joker''': ''[notices the satellite laser is heading for the abandoned candy factory]'' Oh, good! The beam's headed here! Now I'll have to start all over again. Thanks for wrecking everything, kid. ''[Turns to leave]'' See ya 'round.
:'''Batman''': Hold it! ''[Grabs Joker's wrist]''
:'''The Joker''': Oh wise up, junior, GAME'S OVER!
:'''Batman''': I'm taking you in!
:'''The Joker''': ''[laughing]'' Right! ''[punches Batman several times and throws him onto table, which breaks under his weight]'' You're out of your league, McGinnis.  I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peak.
:'''Batman''': Maybe. But you don't know a thing about me.
:'''The Joker''': YOU?! What's to know?! You're a punk! A rank amateur! A costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man. Still, if it's a whupping you're a-wantin'...
:''[He rolls up his sleeves, and Terry runs to the door]''
:'''The Joker''': That's right. Better run and save yourself... it's about your speed. ''[Terry closes the door, then breaks the switch to prevent escape]''
:'''Batman''': Let's dance, bozo.
:''[As they fight, Joker gets the upper hand]''
:'''Batman''': ''[To Bruce, through comlink]'' He's tough. Any suggestions, boss?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Joker's vain and likes to talk. He'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through.
:'''Batman''': Wait. I like to talk too.
:''[They fight, and Terry knees the Joker in the gut]''
:'''The Joker''': What're you doing?!
:'''Batman''': Fighting dirty.
:'''The Joker''': The REAL Batman would never-- ''[Terry pushes the knee in further]''
:'''Batman''': Told you, ya didn't know me.
:'''The Joker''': Funny guy...
:'''Batman''': Can't say the same for you. ''[shoves the Joker so that his gut hits a table]''
:'''The Joker''': Impudent brat. Who do you think you're talking to?
:'''Batman''': Not a comedian, I'll tell you that.
:'''The Joker''': ''[draws a laser pistol]'' Shut your mouth! ''[fires at Batman]''
:'''Batman''': ''[retreats into the rafters]'' The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. ''[tosses a batarang, knocking the gun out of Joker's hand]''
:'''The Joker''': Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
:'''Batman''': Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. ''[hits the lights with a batarang, turning them off]'' The ''real'' reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
:'''The Joker''': I'm not hearing this...
:'''Batman''': Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke.
:'''The Joker''': ''[really getting angry]'' Shut up... Shut up!
:'''Batman''': I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the &quot;A&quot; material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
:'''The Joker''': Show yourself!
:'''Batman''': You make me laugh. But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. ''[mimics the Joker's laugh]''
:'''The Joker''': Stop that!
:'''Batman''': So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a ''rodeo clown?'' ''[laughs mockingly]''
:'''The Joker''': ''[grabs some grenades]'' Don't you dare laugh at me!...
:'''Batman''': ''[laughs harder]'' Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
:'''The Joker''': ''[throwing grenades]'' '''YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Joker''': ''[as he takes off Batman's mask and strangles him, he laughs]'' C'mon, McGinnis! Laugh it up ''now'', you miserable little punk! LAUGH! ''[in a sing-song tone]'' I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
:'''Terry''': Ha... ha. ''[jabs joybuzzer into the back of the Joker's neck, As the Joker screams in pain frying the microchip and destroying the Joker forever, before Terry puts his mask back on]''

:'''Police Woman:''' Delia and Deidre Dennis, your grandmother's paid your bail. You're released to her custody, pending your trial.

:''' Grandma Harley Quinn:''' You rotten little scamps! I struggle to make a good home for you and this is the thanks I get! (She whacks the Dee Dee twins with a cane) Break a Grandmother's heart, I hope they throw the book at you!

== Flashback ==
A significant portion of the movie is dedicated to the final battle between the original Batman and Joker; quotes from this segment are separated here.

:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': ''[beginning the flashback]'' I thought talking about it would get easier over time, but some hurts never go away. Dick Grayson - Nightwing - had left to establish himself in another city. There were three of us then: Bruce, myself, and Robin... Tim Drake. ''[Robin is seen gliding over Gotham's rooftops]'' Robin was out alone that night when he came upon a woman in trouble.
:'''Woman''': Help! Help! Somebody, please help!
:'''Robin''': Hero time! ''[grapples down to the ground and knocks out two thugs]'' That evens things up a little.
:''[The &quot;woman in trouble&quot; is soon revealed to be Harley Quinn...]''
:'''Harley Quinn''': Not really, bird-boy! ''[knocks Robin out with her mallet, as the Joker enters the scene]''
:'''The Joker''': ''[chuckles]'' A bird in the hand...
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': ''[narrating, as Batman and Batgirl search for Robin]'' We soon realized Tim was missing. Night after night, we scoured the city, running down every lead, pressing every underworld connection... but no one had seen any sign of Robin. For three agonizing weeks, there was nothing. Then, one night, we were sent an invitation...
:''[Batman and Batgirl arrive on a rooftop, seeing a jack-in-the-box. Batman opens it with a batarang, but the &quot;jack&quot; triggers a grenade, exploding the box. In the remains, Batman picks up a straitjacket, realizing where Robin is...]''
:'''Batman''': Arkham.
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': ''[narrating]'' The asylum had been moved to a newer high-security building. The old building had been partially demolished, and hung open like a rotting wound. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''The Joker''': You know, Bats, we've been doing this little runaround of ours for years. It's been loads of laughs, but sad fact is, none of us are getting any younger.
:'''Harley Quinn''': That old clock's a'tickin'!
:'''The Joker''': Quite right, poo. And Harley and I thought it was time to start a family. Add a &quot;Joker Junior&quot; to our merry brood.
:'''Harley Quinn''': But rather than go through all the joys of childbirth, ''[makes disgusted face]'' we decided to adopt.
:'''The Joker''': We couldn't do it legally, but then we remembered that you always have a few spare kids lying around &amp;mdash; so we borrowed one. 
:''[Joker and Harley open the curtain, revealing a shadowed figure strapped to a table.]''
:'''Batman''': No...
:'''Batgirl''': My God!
:'''The Joker''': He needed a little molding, of course; what kid doesn't? But, in time, we came to love him as our own. Say hello, J.J.!:
:''[Robin appears from the shadows, mutilated to look like the Joker and laughing mindlessly]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Harley Quinn''': Sweetie, get mommy's bazooka!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Batgirl''': How could you help Joker do it, Harley? 
:'''Harley Quinn''': Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right. 
:'''Batgirl''': Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year! '':[In the edited cut, &quot;stinkin'&quot; was replaced with &quot;freakin'&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Joker''': What's the matter, Batman?  No witty comeback?  No threat?  Then I'll provide the narration... ''[the screen flickers to life, showing &quot;Our Family Memories&quot;]'' I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's mind. ''[In the edited version, he says, &quot;I'll begin with how I affected young Robin's makeover.&quot;]'' Oh, he bravely tried to fight it at first.  You would've been proud to see him so strong - but all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll... and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me.  ''[In the edited cut, &quot;the serums and the shocks took their toll... and&quot; was cut]''  Secrets that are mine alone to know... ''Bruce''.  It's true, Batsy!  I know everything.  And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic.  Behind all the [[w:sturm und drang|sturm and batarang]], you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy!  It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic. ''[pause]'' Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA HA HA HA HA HAA! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Joker''': If you don't like the movie, I've got slides.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Batman''': I'll break you in two...
:'''The Joker''': Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for ''that'' kind of fun, you'd have done it ''years'' ago. I on the other hand... ''[The Joker produces a knife from his sleeve, cuts Batman across the chest and stabs it in above his knee, or in the edited cut, he just punches him; in either case, he jumps down to the wounded Batman]'' You've ''lost'', Batman.  Robin is ''mine''.  The last sound you'll hear will be our laughter.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Director's Cut version]''
:'''The Joker''': ''[tosses the bang flag spear gun to Tim]'' Here you go, sonny boy! ''[Tim grabs the gun]'' Make daddy proud: deliver the punchline.
:''[Tim aims the gun at Batman, then pulls the trigger and a &quot;Bang!&quot; flag pops up harmlessly]''
:'''Batman''': Tim...
:''[Tim pauses a bit, still laughing]''
:'''The Joker''': DO IT!
:''[Tim laughs for a bit, but slowly breaks out of the brainwashing effect, then turns around and fires the gun at the Joker instead, where the flag spear pierces his heart, and he gets flown and knocked into giant building blocks]''
:'''The Joker''': ''[dying]'' That's not funny... that's not...
:''[The Joker gets choked up in blood, then falls to the floor, dead; As Barbara runs in, Tim's insane laughter quickly becomes uncontrollable sobbing and he falls to his knees]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Edited version]''
:'''The Joker''': ''[tosses laughing gas gun to Tim]'' Here you go, sonny boy! ''[Tim grabs the gun]'' Make him one of us!
:''[Tim aims the gun at Batman, He lowers the gun, then throws it away Bruce smiles but the Joker snarls. Tim still laughing tackles the Joker into the next room with tanks of water near electrical wiring, where he crashes into one and tries going after Tim but slips and turns on the electrical wiring; scene cuts to far away from the room, where the Joker's horrific death scream is heard, As Barbara runs in, Tim's insane laughter quickly becomes uncontrollable sobbing and he falls to his knees]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': ''[ends the flashback]'' We buried the Joker deep beneath Arkham.  The only other person who knew what happened that night was my father, the first Commissioner Gordon.  He promised to keep our secret. ''[In the edited version, the line, &quot;We buried the Joker deep beneath Arkham,&quot; was removed before the next line &quot;The only other person who knew what happened that night was my father, the first Commissioner Gordon. And for Robin's sake, he kept that night a secret.&quot;]'' With his last act of cruelty, the Joker tainted us all with compromise and deception. ''[turns to Terry]'' I suppose he had the last laugh after all.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': I'm assuming his girlfriend bought it, too. ''[Edited version: &quot;And since you saw Harley fall into the pit...&quot;]''
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': We never found her body, but I doubt she'd be starting trouble now.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': And Tim?
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': We had a trusted friend, Dr. Leslie Thompkins. It took her a year, but she was able to help Tim back to sanity. ''[&quot;Back to himself&quot; in the edited version]'' Still, things were never really the same. Bruce forbade Tim to be Robin again; he blamed himself for what happened and swore he'd never endanger another young partner. Tim left us soon after that, determined to make it on his own.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': Did they ever patch things up?
:'''Commissioner Barbara Gordon''': Tim tried once or twice, but you know Bruce. I check up on Tim now and then. He's a top-level communications engineer, married, couple kids. Not too bad, all things considered.
:'''Terry McGinnis''': He deserved a happy ending... but he still has the most likely connection to that night.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Will Friedle|Will Friedle]] as [[w:Batman (Terry McGinnis)|Terry McGinnis/Batman II]]
* [[Kevin Conroy]] as [[w:Batman|Bruce Wayne/Batman]]
* [[Mark Hamill]] as [[w:Joker (comics)|The Joker]], Jordan Pryce
* [[w:Angie Harmon|Angie Harmon]] as [[w:Barbara Gordon|Commissioner Barbara Gordon]] 
* [[w:Dean Stockwell|Dean Stockwell]] as [[w:Tim Drake|Tim Drake]] 
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as [[w:Barbara Gordon|Barbara Gordon/Batgirl]]
* [[w:Mathew Valencia|Mathew Valencia]] as [[w:Tim Drake|Tim Drake/Robin]]
* [[w:Melissa Joan Hart|Melissa Joan Hart]] as Delia and Deidre Dennis/Dee-Dee
* [[w:Michael Rosenbaum|Michael Rosenbaum]] as Stewart Carter Winthrop III/Ghoul
* [[Henry Rollins]] as Benjamin Knox/Bonk
* [[w:Donald Patrick Harvey|Don Patrick Harvey]] as Charles Buntz/Chucko
* [[Lauren Tom]] as Dana Tan 
* [[w:Rachael Leigh Cook|Rachael Leigh Cook]] as Chelsea Cunningham
* [[Frank Welker]] as [[w:Ace the Bat-Hound|Ace]], Woof the Hyena-Man
* [[w:Arleen Sorkin|Arleen Sorkin]] as [[w:Harley Quinn|Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn]] 
* [[Teri Garr]] as Mary McGinnis
* [[w:Ryan O'Donohue|Ryan O'Donohue]] as Matt McGinnis
* [[w:Vernee Watson-Johnson|Vernee Watson-Johnson]] as Ms. Joyce Carr
* [[w:Mary Scheer|Mary Scheer]] as Mrs. Drake
* [[Andrea Romano (voice director)|Andrea Romano]] as [[w:Tim Drake|Tim Drake/Joker Jr.]]
* [[w:Jason Stanford (actor)|Jason Stanford]] as Gangster

== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{imdb title | id=0233298 | title=Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker}}
{{Batman}}
{{DC Comics animated films}}

[[Category:2000 American animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American adult animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American adult animated action films]]
[[Category:American adult animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:DC Comics]]
[[Category:Animated Batman films]]
[[Category:Animated Joker films]]
[[Category:Direct-to-video animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Dante's Peak</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>69164</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951747</id>
      <parentid>3712397</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:04:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Iago PUC</username>
        <id>2458636</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3951747</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11682" sha1="lxvga58imzn5snc82ao5v3pc0wmwj5m" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[w:Dante's Peak|'''''Dante's Peak''''']] is a [[w:1997|1997]] [[w:Disaster film|disaster]]/[[w:Action movie|action]]-[[w:adventure film|adventure film]] about the effects of a [[w:volcano|volcano]] erupting near a small town in the [[w:Northern Cascades|Northern Cascades]]. 
:''Directed by [[w:Roger Donaldson|Roger Donaldson]]. Written by [[w:Leslie Bohem|Leslie Bohem]].''
{{center|'''Whatever you do, don't look back!''' &lt;small&gt;[[#taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Harry Dalton ==
* Paul, I think we should monitor the entire area. Get the whole shooting match in here. I don't know, but the acidity in the lake is high enough to bother me. There's enough carbon dioxide coming out of the soil to start killing trees and wildlife…Paul. Paul, you sent me up here to check. I'm doing that. I think attention should be paid.
* I've always been better at figuring out volcanoes than people &amp; politics.
* This rig can take it. The engine's got a snorkel.
* ''[While attempting to outrun the pyroclastic cloud]'' Oh, my God! Don't look back, kids! Don't look back!
* When we get out of here… and we will get out of here…what do you say we go down to Florida, we get ourselves a boat, and we stock it with all the nicest, yummiest things…we can possibly get our hands on, and we go out there and we catch ourselves a big, old, fat fish?

== Rachel Wando ==
* I'd like to thank Karen from Money magazine for this wonderful award. It's…oh, what is it, Lauren, is it Karen or Kathy?
* Thank you, Karen. Thank you, Lauren. This award means a lot to us. We've been proud of our town for a long time. It's beautiful. It's safe. It's a wonderful place in which to raise a family. And now with the prospect of a major investment in our economic future…by Mr. Elliot Blair of Blair Industries…Will you stand up, Elliot? Next year we're gonna be number one.
* A man who stares at a rock must have a lot on his mind. Or nothing.
* Fun is what you have when you don't have two children, a business, and a town to run.
* Eight years it took us to get this town on its feet. You wouldn't believe the struggle.

== Others ==
* '''Paul Dreyfus''': How about a nice adult beverage?
* '''Greg''': ''[seeing Rachel get out of her car with the coffees]'' Yes! It's coffee time! Coffee! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee! Cappuccino! Java! Yes!
* '''Harry''': This little puppy's called Spider Legs. She goes in when it's too dangerous for us. Boldly goes, I might add.
* '''Terry''': You guys see this? Do you see this? I expect apologies and six-packs from each one of ya.
* '''Paul''': That's Terry's answer to everything. Kick it if it doesn't work.
* '''Sheriff Turner''': Attention all citizens. There will be a meeting held…in the high school gymnasium at 6 PM to discuss the evacuation of Dante's Peak. To repeat: All citizens are urged to attend the meeting…that will be held in the high school gymnasium…
*'''Nancy''': Why look at computers when you can look at the real thing?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Harry''': Any idea where I might find Mayor Wando? 
:'''Cluster''': She should be right around the corner, accepting some award.  Dante's Peak was just named the best... well, the second-best place to live... in the United States, population under 20,000. 
:'''Harry''': Good for you. What was number one?
:'''Cluster''': I don't know. Some piece of crap town out in Montana. Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Karen''': Thank you. Thank you very much, Les. Mayor Wando, it gives me great pleasure to present to you…a Money magazine award: Dante's Peak, the second most desirable place to live in the United States, population under 20,000. Congratulations.
:'''Rachel''': Thank you…
:'''Lauren''': It's Karen!
:'''Rachel''': Thank you, Karen. Thank you, Lauren. This award means a lot to us. We've been proud of our town for a long time. It's beautiful. It's safe. It's a wonderful place in which to raise a family. And now with the prospect of a major investment in our economic future…by Mr. Elliot Blair of Blair Industries…Will you stand up, Elliot? Next year we're gonna be number one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Ruth''': Hi, Rachel... You Rachel's boyfriend?
:'''Harry''': Uh, no, no. Harry Dalton, United States Geological Survey. Just up here to check on your mountain. That's all.
:'''Ruth''': Bunch of you people came up here right after Mount St. Helens went nuts. There was nothing going on then. There's nothing going on here now.
:'''Harry''': Yes, well, um…
:'''Rachel''': I need to take Dr. Dalton up to the high lake and wondered if the kids could stay here for a little while.
:'''Ruth''': Sure. But why don't we all go? We can go swimming.
:'''Lauren''': Yeah!
:'''Ruth''': Mess around in the hot springs on the way back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sheriff''': I thought this was supposed to be an extinct volcano.
:'''Harry''': Not extinct, just dormant... as in sleeping. And your volcano might just be waking up.
:'''Les''': You're talking about the evacuation of 7,400 people. You don't think that's extreme?
:'''Harry''': All I'm talking about…is you consider alerting the town to the possibility of an evacuation.
:'''Les''': What Mr. Dalton here doesn't realize…is that if Elliot Blair gets the idea there is some kind of problem here, he's gonna take his $18 million, his 800 jobs, and he's gonna evacuate.
:'''Jane Fox''': Les, two people are dead, and we don't know…
:'''Les''': This is the first time in 4 years that we have the opportunity…
:'''Rachel''': Look, look! It's been a very long day. Let's try to treat each other nicely. Norman, why don't you pull out the town's emergency evacuation plans? We should at least have a look at them.
:'''Norman''': If I can find them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Stan''': Look at this nice little town. Nestled all snug and cozy right against the mountain.
:'''Nancy''': Yeah, just like Pompeii.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rachel''': How about you, you ever been married?
:'''Harry''': No, never.
:'''Rachel''': Why not?
:'''Harry''': Well, for one thing, I move around a lot. Colombia, Guatemala, the Philippines, Mexico, New Zealand, New Guinea. Wherever there's a volcano with an attitude. …Makes it hard to settle down.
:'''Rachel''': You ever come close?
:'''Harry''': Yes... Once. ''[sips from a glass cup]''
:'''Rachel''': Touchy subject.
:'''Harry''': Her name was Marianne. We worked together. She loved volcanoes... Fascinated by them. Loved the life. Four years ago, a volcano erupted in Colombia. Marianne and I thought we had enough time to get out. Unfortunately, we were wrong. We got too close to the show. Marianne was killed. If this thing blows, and if she does a Mount St. Helens, the blast will get here within a minute.
:'''Rachel''': Well, I hope you're wrong about our volcano, Harry. But if not, I'm glad you're here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Terry''': I'm okay. My doc says I can leave as soon as they make sure my head's okay.
:'''Nancy''': Okay. See ya in ten years then.
:'''Terry''': Ow. Ow.
:'''Nancy''': I think Spider Legs was just... getting even with you for all those kicks in the butt you gave it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Harry''': Paul! I've got that scientific evidence you need.
:'''Paul''': Harry, what are you doing?
:'''Harry''': ''[fills a glass with sulfur-contaminated water]'' I've just come from the town's water supply. It's the same.
:'''Paul''': Oh, my God.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Graham and Lauren steal Rachel's car to drive up the mountain to save their grandmother]''
:'''Graham''': I can't see through the ash.
:'''Lauren''': Maybe you ought to turn the lights on.
:'''Graham''': They are on.
:'''Lauren''': Make the windshield wipers go faster?
:'''Graham''': I don't know how.
:'''Lauren''': It's that thing there.
:'''Graham''': Don't touch things! You're gonna mess something up.
:'''Lauren''': Like what?
:'''Graham''': I don't know. Something!
:'''Lauren''': Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nancy''': Uh-oh. Looks like our asshole pilot plans on flying people outta here.
:'''Paul''': If he gets any of that ash sucked up into his engine, he's had it.
:'''Cluster''': He's gettin' $15,000 bucks cold cash.
:'''Paul''': Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! No, no, no! Wait! Wait! Stop! Stop! Stop! ''[the helicopter takes off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Greg''': We've had plenty of minor eruptions. Maybe we're over the hump.
:'''Stan''': Yeah, I hope.
:'''Nancy''': Get real, Beavis. She's just clearing her throat. She hasn't even started to sing yet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Harry''', '''Rachel''', '''Graham''', '''Lauren''', and '''Ruth''' ''[singing while sailing across the acidic lake]'': Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... Life is but a dream... Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream... Merrily, merrily... Row, row, row your boat... Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... Row, row, row your boat... Life is but a dream…Gently down the stream…Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... Life is but a dream... Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily... Life is but a dream…Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…Life is but a dream... Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rachel''': Oh, God, Ruth. I'm so sorry for what I said to you up there. I really didn't mean it. I just…
:'''Ruth''': You're right what you said. I am a fool.
:'''Rachel''': No, you're not.
:'''Ruth''': My son's the biggest fool of all. He never should've run off and hurt you all like that.
:'''Rachel''': If anybody's a fool, Ruth, it's me, 'cause I don't think I ever really gave you a chance.
:'''Graham''': Hang on, Grandma. It's just another two miles to the ranger station.
:'''Ruth''': I don't think I have another two miles left in me, Ace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Harry''': Come here. Come here. Just sit down a second. Sit down a second. All right, listen, now. Have you ever been deep-sea fishing?
:'''Graham''': No.
:'''Harry''': Good. Neither have I. So, when we get out of here… and we will get out of here... what do you say we go down to Florida, we get ourselves a boat, and we stock it with all the nicest, yummiest things... we can possibly get our hands on, and we go out there and we catch ourselves a big, old, fat fish? ...Hmm? Does that sound good?
:'''Rachel''': It sounds good, Harry.
:'''Graham''': Yeah, Harry, it sounds great.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Graham''': Did you really mean what you said about taking us fishing?
:'''Harry''': I sure did.
:'''Lauren''': That's great.
:'''Soldier''': You guys ready to go?
:'''Harry''': Let's go.

== Taglines ==
* The pressure is building.
* Whatever you do, don't look back!
* Without warning, day becomes night, air turns to fire, and solid ground gives way to white-hot, molten terror.

== Cast ==
* [[Pierce Brosnan]] - Dr. Harry Dalton
* [[w:Linda Hamilton|Linda Hamilton]] - Mayor Rachel Wando
* [[w:Charles Hallahan|Charles Hallahan]] - Dr. Pauljoseph &quot;Paul&quot; Dreyfus
* [[w:Elizabeth Hoffman (actress)|Elizabeth Hoffman]] - Grandma Ruthleen &quot;Ruth&quot;
* [[w:Jamie Renée Smith|Jamie Renée Smith]] - Lauren Wando
* [[w:Jeremy Foley (actor)|Jeremy Foley]] - Graham Wando
* [[w:Grant Heslov|Grant Heslov]] - Gregory &quot;Greg&quot;
* [[w:Arabella Field|Arabella Field]] - Nancy
* [[w:Tzi Ma|Tzi Ma]] - Stanley
* [[w:Bill Bolender|Bill Bolender]] - Sheriff Turner
* [[w:Peter Jason|Peter Jason]] - Norman Gates

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia|Dante's Peak}}
* {{imdb title|id=0118928|title=Dante's Peak}}

[[Category:1997 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Films about volcanoes]]
[[Category:Films set in Washington (state)]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Academy Award nominated screenplays</title>
    <ns>4</ns>
    <id>79347</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951797</id>
      <parentid>3943517</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:49:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* 1960s */</comment>
      <origin>3951797</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="149130" sha1="ssxbamwl1u124wsg50f3mqzh6gnmgfu" xml:space="preserve">Films that have been nominated for [[w:Academy Awards|Academy Awards]] for [[w:screenplays|screenplays]] are highly likely to contain memorable dialogue meriting an entry in Wikiquote. These [[films]] are listed below with the name of their credited [[author]]. The first entry for each year is the winner for that year. The remaining entries are listed in alphabetical order. For nominees listed prior to a winner being announced, all entries are in alphabetical order.

{| align=&quot;right&quot;
| __TOC__
|}

==Best Story==
===1920s===
*'''1928 ''[[Underworld (1927 film)|Underworld]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Hecht]]'''
** ''[[The Last Command (film)|The Last Command]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Lajos Biro]]
** ''[[The Patent Leather Kid]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Rupert Hughes]]

*'''1929''' ''None given''

===1930s===
*'''1930''' ''None given''

*'''1931 ''[[The Dawn Patrol (1930 film)|The Dawn Patrol]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Monk Saunders|John Monk Saunders]]'''
** ''[[Doorway to Hell]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Rowland Brown|Rowland Brown]]
** ''[[Laughter (film)|Laughter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry D'Arrast|Harry D'Arrast]], [[w:Douglas Z. Doty|Douglas Z. Doty]], [[w:Donald Ogden Stewart|Donald Ogden Stewart]]
** ''[[The Public Enemy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Bright (screenwriter)|John Bright]], [[w:Kubec Glasmon|Kubec Glasmon]]
** ''[[Smart Money]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lucien Hubbard|Lucien Hubbard]], [[w:Joseph Jackson (screenwriter)|Joseph Jackson]]

*'''1932 ''[[The Champ]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frances Marion|Frances Marion]]'''
** ''[[Lady and Gent]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Grover Jones|Grover Jones]], [[w:William Slavens McNutt|William Slavens McNutt]]
** ''[[Star Witness]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lucien Hubbard|Lucien Hubbard]]
** ''[[What Price Hollywood?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Adela Rodgers St. John|Adela Rodgers St. John]], [[w:Jane Murfin|Jane Murfin]]

*'''1933 ''[[One Way Passage]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Lord (screenwriter)|Robert Lord]]'''
** ''[[The Prizefighter and the Lady]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frances Marion|Frances Marion]]
** ''[[Rasputin and the Empress]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles MacArthur|Charles MacArthur]]

*'''1934 ''[[Manhattan Melodrama]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Arthur Caesar|Arthur Caesar]]'''
** ''[[Hide Out]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Mauri Grashin
** ''[[The Richest Girl in the World]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Krasna|Norman Krasna]]

*'''1935 ''[[The Scoundrel]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Hecht]], [[w:Charles MacArthur|Charles MacArthur]]'''
**''[[Broadway Melody of 1936]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Moss Hart|Moss Hart]]
**''[[The Gay Deception]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stephen Morehouse Avery|Stephen Morehouse Avery]], [[w:Don Hartman|Don Hartman]]

*'''1936 ''[[The Story of Louis Pasteur]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Pierre Collings|Pierre Collings]], [[w:Sheridan Gibney|Sheridan Gibney]]'''
** ''[[Fury (1936 film)|Fury]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Krasna|Norman Krasna]]
** ''[[The Great Ziegfeld]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Anthony McGuire|William Anthony McGuire]]
** ''[[San Francisco (movie)|San Francisco]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Hopkins (screenwriter)|Robert Hopkins]]
** ''[[Three Smart Girls]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Adele Commandini|Adele Commandini]]

*'''1937 ''[[A Star Is Born (1937 film)|A Star Is Born]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert CArson (writer)|Robert Carson]], [[w:William A. Wellman|William A. Wellman]]'''
** ''[[Black Legion]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Lord (screenwriter)|Robert Lord]]
** ''[[In Old Chicago]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Niven Busch|Niven Busch]]
** ''[[The Life of Emile Zola]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Heinz Herald, Geza Herczeg
** ''[[One Hundred Men and a Girl]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hans Kraly|Hans Kraly]]

*'''1938 ''[[Boys Town (film)|Boys Town]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eleanore Griffin|Eleanore Griffin]], [[w:Dore Schary|Dore Schary]]'''
** ''[[Alexander's Ragtime Band (film)|Alexander's Ragtime Band]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Irving Berlin]]
** ''[[Angels with Dirty Faces]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Rowland Brown|Rowland Brown]]
** ''[[Blockade (film)|Blockade]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Howard Lawson]]
** ''[[Mad About Music]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Marcella Burke, [[w:Frederick Kohner|Frederick Kohner]]
** ''[[Test Pilot (film)|Test Pilot]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Wead|Frank Wead]]

*'''1939 ''[[Mr. Smith Goes to Washington]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lewis R. Foster|Lewis R. Foster]]'''
** ''[[Bachelor Mother]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Felix Jackson|Felix Jackson]]
** ''[[Love Affair]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mildred Cram|Mildred Cram]], [[w:Leo McCarey|Leo McCarey]]
** ''[[Ninotchka]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Melchior Lengyel|Melchior Lengyel]]
** ''[[Young Mr. Lincoln]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lamar Trotti|Lamar Trotti]]

===1940s===
*'''1940 ''[[Arise, My Love]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Benjamin Glazer|Benjamin Glazer]], [[w:John Toldy|John Toldy]]'''
** ''[[Comrade X]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Walter Reisch|Walter Reisch]]
** ''[[Edison, the Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hugo Butler|Hugo Butler]], [[w:Dore Schary|Dore Schary]]
** ''[[My Favorite Wife]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leo McCarey|Leo McCarey]], [[w:Samuel and Bella Spewack|Samuel and Bella Spewack]]
** ''[[The Westerner]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stuart N. Lake|Stuart N. Lake]]

*'''1941 ''[[Here Comes Mr. Jordan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry Segall|Harry Segall]]'''
** ''[[Ball of Fire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Thomas Monroe (writer)|Thomas Monroe]], [[Billy Wilder]]
** ''[[The Lady Eve]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Monckton Hoffe|Monckton Hoffe]]
** ''[[Meet John Doe]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Connell|Richard Connell]], [[w:Robert Presnell Jr.|Robert Presnell Jr.]]
** ''[[Night Train to Munich]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Gordon Wellesley|Gordon Wellesley]]

*'''1942 ''[[49th Parallel (film)|49th Parallel]]'' (a.k.a. ''49th Parallel (The Invaders)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Emeric Pressburger|Emeric Pressburger]]'''
**''[[Holiday Inn (film)|Holiday Inn]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Irving Berlin]]
**''[[The Pride of the Yankees]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Gallico|Paul Gallico]]
**''[[The Talk of the Town]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Harmon|Sidney Harmon]]
**''[[Yankee Doodle Dandy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Buckner|Robert Buckner]]

*'''1943 ''[[The Human Comedy (film)|The Human Comedy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[William Saroyan]]'''
**''[[Action in the North Atlantic]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Guy Gilpatric|Guy Gilpatric]]
**''[[Destination Tokyo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steve Fisher (writer)|Steve Fisher]]
**''[[The More the Merrier]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Ross (producer)|Frank Ross]], [[w:Robert W. Russell|Robert W. Russell]]
**''[[Shadow of a Doubt]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Gordon McDonell

*'''1944 ''[[Going My Way]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leo McCarey|Leo McCarey]]'''
**''[[A Guy Named Joe]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Boehm|David Boehm]], [[w:Chandler Sprague|Chandler Sprague]]
**''[[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Steinbeck]]
**''[[None Shall Escape]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfred Neumann (writer)|Alfred Neumann]], Joseph Than
**''[[The Sullivans]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eddie Doherty|Eddie Doherty]], Jules Schermer

*'''1945 ''[[The House on 92nd St.]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles G. Booth|Charles G. Booth]]'''
**''[[The Affairs of Susan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:László Görög (writer)|László Görög]], [[w:Thomas Monroe (writer)|Thomas Monroe]]
**''[[A Medal for Benny]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Steinbeck]], [[w:Jack Wagner (screenwriter)|Jack Wagner]]
**''[[Objective, Burma!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alvah Bessie|Alvah Bessie]]
**''[[A Song to Remember]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernst Marischka|Ernst Marischka]]

*'''1946 ''[[Vacation from Marriage]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clemence Dane|Clemence Dane]]'''
**''[[The Dark Mirror]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Vladimir Pozner (writer)|Vladimir Pozner]]
**''[[The Strange Love of Martha Ivers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jack Patrick (dramatist)|Jack Patrick]]
**''[[The Stranger (1946 film)|The Stranger]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Victor Trivas|Victor Trivas]]
**''[[To Each His Own (film)|To Each His Own]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]]

*'''1947 ''[[Miracle on 34th Street]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Valentine Davies|Valentine Davies]]'''
**''[[A Cage of Nightingales]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Georges Chaperot|Georges Chaperot]], [[w:René Wheeler|René Wheeler]]
**''[[It Happened on Fifth Avenue]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Herbert Clyde Lewis|Herbert Clyde Lewis]], [[w:Frederick Stephani|Frederick Stephani]]
**''[[Kiss of Death (1947 film)|Kiss of Death]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eleazar Lipsky|Eleazar Lipsky]]
**''[[Smash Up - The Story of a Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Cavett|Frank Cavett]], [[Dorothy Parker]]

*'''1948 ''[[The Search]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Schweizer|Richard Schweizer]], [[w:David Wechsler|David Wechsler]]'''
**''[[The Louisiana Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert J. Flaherty|Robert J. Flaherty]], [[w:Frances H. Flaherty|Frances H. Flaherty]]
**''[[The Naked City]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Marvin Wald|Marvin Wald]]
**''[[Red River (film)|Red River]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Borden Chase|Borden Chase]]
**''[[The Red Shoes (1948 film)|The Red Shoes]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Emeric Pressburger|Emeric Pressburger]]

*'''1949 ''[[Stratton Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Douglas Morrow|Douglas Morrow]]'''
**''[[Come to the Stable]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clare Boothe Luce|Clare Boothe Luce]]
**''[[It Happens Every Spring]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Valentine Davies|Valentine Davies]], Shirley Smith
**''[[Sands of Iwo Jima]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry Brown (writer)|Harry Brown]]
**''[[White Heat]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Virginia Kellogg|Virginia Kellogg]]

===1950s===
*'''1950 ''[[Panic in the Streets (film)|Panic in the Streets]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edna Anhalt|Edna Anhalt]], [[w:Edward Anhalt|Edward Anhalt]]'''
**''[[Bitter Rice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Giuseppe De Santis|Giuseppe De Santis]], [[w:Carlo Lizzani|Carlo Lizzani]]
**''[[The Gunfighter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Bowers|William Bowers]], [[w:André de Toth|André de Toth]]
**''[[Mystery Street]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leonard Spigelgass|Leonard Spigelgass]]
**''[[When Willie Comes Marching Home]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sy Gomberg|Sy Gomberg]]

*'''1951 ''[[Seven Days to Noon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Bernard (composer)|James Bernard]], [[w:Paul Dehn|Paul Dehn]]'''
**''[[Bullfighter and the Lady]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Budd Boetticher|Budd Boetticher]], [[w:Ray Nazarro|Ray Nazarro]]
**''[[The Frogmen]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Oscar Millard|Oscar Millard]]
**''[[Here Comes the Groom (1951 film)|Here Comes the Groom]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Liam O'Brien (screenwriter)|Liam O'Brien]], [[w:Robert Riskin|Robert Riskin]]
**''[[Teresa (1951 film)|Teresa]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfred Hayes (writer)|Alfred Hayes]], [[w:Stewart Stern|Stewart Stern]]

*'''1952 ''[[The Greatest Show on Earth (film)|The Greatest Show on Earth]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fredric M. Frank|Fredric M. Frank]], [[w:Theodore St. John|Theodore St. John]], [[w:Barré Lyndon|Barré Lyndon]]'''
**''[[My Son John]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leo McCarey|Leo McCarey]]
**''[[The Narrow Margin]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Martin Goldsmith (screenwriter)|Martin Goldsmith]], Jack Leonard
**''[[The Pride of St. Louis]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Guy Trosper|Guy Trosper]]
**''[[The Sniper (1952 film)|The Sniper]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edward Anhalt|Edward Anhalt]], [[w:Edna Anhalt|Edna Anhalt]]

*'''1953 ''[[Roman Holiday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Dalton Trumbo]]'''
**''[[Above and Beyond (1952 film)|Above and Beyond]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Beirne Lay, Jr.|Beirne Lay, Jr.]]
**''[[The Captain's Paradise]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alec Coppel|Alec Coppel]]
**''[[Hondo (film)|Hondo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Louis L'Amour]]
**''[[Little Fugitive (1953 film)|Little Fugitive]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ray Ashley|Ray Ashley]], [[w:Morris Engel|Morris Engel]], [[w:Ruth Orkin|Ruth Orkin]]

*'''1954 ''[[Broken Lance]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Philip Yordan|Philip Yordan]]'''
**''[[Bread, Love and Dreams]]'' (Italian: ''Pane, amore e fantasia'') &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ettore Margadonna|Ettore Margadonna]]
**''[[Forbidden Games]]'' (French: ''Jeux interdits'') &amp;nbsp;- [[w:François Boyer|François Boyer]]
**''[[Night People (1954 film)|Night People]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jed Harris|Jed Harris]], [[w:Tom Reed (screenwriter)|Tom Reed]]
**''[[There's No Business Like Show Business (film)|There's No Business Like Show Business]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lamar Trotti|Lamar Trotti]]

*'''1955 ''[[Love Me or Leave Me (film)|Love Me or Leave Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Daniel Fuchs|Daniel Fuchs]]'''
**''[[The Private War of Major Benson]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Joe Connelly (producer)|Joe Connelly]], [[w:Bob Mosher|Bob Mosher]]
**''[[Rebel Without a Cause]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nicholas Ray|Nicholas Ray]]
**''[[The Sheep Has Five Legs]]'' (French: ''Le Mouton à cinq pattes'') &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jean Marsan|Jean Marsan]], [[w:Henri Troyat|Henri Troyat]], [[w:Jacques Perret (writer)|Jacques Perret]], [[w:Henri Verneuil|Henri Verneuil]], [[w:Raoul Ploquin|Raoul Ploquin]]
**''[[Strategic Air Command (film)|Strategic Air Command]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Beirne Lay, Jr.|Beirne Lay, Jr.]]

*'''1956 ''[[The Brave One (1956 film)|The Brave One]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Dalton Trumbo]]'''
**''[[The Eddy Duchin Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leo Katcher|Leo Katcher]]
**''[[High Society (1955 film)|High Society]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edward Bernds|Edward Bernds]], [[w:Elwood Ullman|Elwood Ullman]]
**''[[The Proud and the Beautiful]]'' (French: ''Les Orgueilleux'') &amp;nbsp;- [[Jean-Paul Sartre]]
**''[[Umberto D.]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Cesare Zavattini|Cesare Zavattini]]

==Best Original Screenplay==
===1940s===
*'''1940 ''[[The Great McGinty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Preston Sturges|Preston Sturges]]'''
**''[[Angels Over Broadway]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Hecht]]
**''[[Dr. Ehrlich's Magic Bullet]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Norman Burnside, Heinz Herald, [[w:John Huston|John Huston]]
**''[[Foreign Correspondent (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Bennett (screenwriter)|Charles Bennett]], [[w:Joan Harrison (screenwriter)|Joan Harrison]]
**''[[The Great Dictator]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Charlie Chaplin]]

*'''1941 ''[[Citizen Kane]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Herman J. Mankiewicz]], [[Orson Welles]]'''
**''[[The Devil and Miss Jones]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Krasna|Norman Krasna]]
**''[[Sergeant York]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry Chandlee|Harry Chandlee]], [[w:Abem Finkel|Abem Finkel]], [[w:John Huston|John Huston]], [[w:Howard Koch (screenwriter)|Howard E. Koch]]
**''[[Tall, Dark and Handsome]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Karl Tunberg|Karl Tunberg]], [[w:Darrell Ware|Darrell Ware]]
**''[[Tom, Dick and Harry (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Jarrico|Paul Jarrico]]

*'''1942 ''[[Woman of the Year]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Kanin|Michael Kanin]], [[w:Ring Lardner Jr.|Ring Lardner Jr.]]'''
**''[[One of Our Aircraft is Missing]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Powell|Michael Powell]], [[w:Emeric Pressburger|Emeric Pressburger]]
**''[[Road to Morocco]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Butler (writer)|Frank Butler]], [[w:Don Hartman|Don Hartman]]
**''[[Wake Island (1942 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:W. R. Burnett|W. R. Burnett]], [[w:Frank Butler (writer)|Frank Butler]]
**''[[The War Against Mrs. Hadley]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Oppenheimer|George Oppenheimer]]

*'''1943 ''[[Princess O'Rourke]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Krasna|Norman Krasna]]'''
**''[[Air Force (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dudley Nichols|Dudley Nichols]]
**''[[In Which We Serve]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Noël Coward]]
**''[[The North Star (1943 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lillian Hellman|Lillian Hellman]]
**''[[So Proudly We Hail!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Allan Scott (American screenwriter)|Allan Scott]]

*'''1944 ''[[Wilson (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lamar Trotti|Lamar Trotti]]'''
**''[[Hail the Conquering Hero]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Preston Sturges|Preston Sturges]]
**''[[The Miracle of Morgan's Creek]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Preston Sturges|Preston Sturges]]
**''[[Two Girls and a Sailor]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Connell|Richard Connell]], [[w:Gladys Lehman|Gladys Lehman]]
**''[[Wing and a Prayer]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jerome Cady|Jerome Cady]]

*'''1945 ''[[Marie-Louise (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Schweizer|Richard Schweizer]]'''
**''[[Dillinger (1945 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Philip Yordan|Philip Yordan]]
**''[[Music for Millions]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Myles Connolly|Myles Connolly]]
**''[[Salty O'Rourke]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Milton Holmes
**''[[What Next, Corporal Hargrove?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry Kurnitz|Harry Kurnitz]]

*'''1946 ''[[The Seventh Veil]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Muriel Box|Muriel Box]], [[w:Sydney Box|Sydney Box]]'''
**''[[The Blue Dahlia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Raymond Chandler]]
**''[[Children of Paradise]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jacques Prévert|Jacques Prévert]]
**''[[Notorious (1946 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Hecht]]
**''[[Road to Utopia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Panama|Norman Panama]], [[w:Melvin Frank|Melvin Frank]]

*'''1947 ''[[The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Sheldon|Sidney Sheldon]]'''
**''[[Body and Soul (1947 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Abraham Polonsky|Abraham Polonsky]]
**''[[A Double Life]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Gordon]], [[w:Garson Kanin|Garson Kanin]]
**''[[Monsieur Verdoux]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Charlie Chaplin]]
**''[[Shoeshine (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sergio Amidei|Sergio Amidei]], [[w:Adolfo Franci|Adolfo Franci]], [[w:Cesare Giulio Viola|Cesare Giulio Viola]], [[w:Cesare Zavattini|Cesare Zavattini]]

*'''1948''' ''none given'' (Instead of the categories &quot;Original Screenplay and &quot;Screenplay&quot;, it was combined into one category, called &quot;Screenplay&quot;)

*'''1949 ''[[Battleground (1949 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Pirosh|Robert Pirosh]]'''
**''[[Jolson Sings Again]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Buchman|Sidney Buchman]]
**''[[Paisà]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfred Hayes (writer)|Alfred Hayes]], [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Sergio Amidei|Sergio Amidei]], [[w:Marcello Pagliero|Marcello Pagliero]], [[w:Roberto Rossellini|Roberto Rossellini]]
**''[[Passport to Pimlico]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:T. E. B. Clarke|T. E. B. Clarke]]
**''[[The Quiet One]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Helen Levitt|Helen Levitt]], [[w:Janice Loeb|Janice Loeb]], [[w:Sidney Meyers|Sidney Meyers]]
***In 1949, the category was renamed &quot;Story and Screenplay&quot;

===1950s===
*'''1950 ''[[Sunset Boulevard (1950 film)|Sunset Boulevard]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[w:D.M. Marshman, Jr.|D.M. Marshman, Jr.]], [[Billy Wilder]]'''
**''[[Adam's Rib]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Gordon]], [[w:Garson Kanin|Garson Kanin]]
**''[[Caged (1950 film)|Caged]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Virginia Kellogg|Virginia Kellogg]], [[w:Bernard C. Schoenfeld|Bernard C. Schoenfeld]]
**''[[The Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]]
**''[[No Way Out (1950 film)|No Way Out]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Joseph L. Mankiewicz]], [[w:Lesser Samuels|Lesser Samuels]]

*'''1951 ''[[An American in Paris (film)|An American in Paris]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alan Jay Lerner|Alan Jay Lerner]]'''
**''[[Ace in the Hole (1951 film)|Ace in the Hole]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:Lesser Samuels|Lesser Samuels]], [[w:Walter Newman (screenwriter)|Walter Newman]]
**''[[David and Bathsheba]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Philip Dunne (writer)|Philip Dunne]]
**''[[Go for Broke!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Pirosh|Robert Pirosh]]
**''[[The Well (1951 film)|The Well]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clarence Greene|Clarence Greene]], [[w:Russell Rouse|Russell Rouse]]

*'''1952 ''[[The Lavender Hill Mob]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:T.E.B. Clarke|T.E.B. Clarke]]'''
**''[[The Atomic City]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sydney Boehm|Sydney Boehm]]
**''[[The Sound Barrier]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Terence Rattigan]]
**''[[Pat and Mike]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Gordon]], [[w:Garson Kanin|Garson Kanin]]
**''[[Viva Zapata!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Steinbeck]]

*'''1953 ''[[Titanic (1953 film)|Titanic]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[w:Richard Breen|Richard Breen]], [[w:Walter Reisch|Walter Reisch]]'''
**''[[The Band Wagon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Betty Comden|Betty Comden]], [[w:Adolph Green|Adolph Green]]
**''[[The Desert Rats (film)|The Desert Rats]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Murphy (screenwriter)|Richard Murphy]]
**''[[The Naked Spur]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sam Rolfe|Sam Rolfe]], [[w:Harold Jack Bloom|Harold Jack Bloom]]
**''[[Take the High Ground!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Millard Kaufman|Millard Kaufman]]

*'''1954 ''[[On the Waterfront]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Budd Schulberg|Budd Schulberg]]'''
**''[[The Barefoot Contessa]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Joseph L. Mankiewicz]]
**''[[Genevieve (film)|Genevieve]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Rose (screenwriter)|William Rose]]
**''[[The Glenn Miller Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Valentine Davies|Valentine Davies]], [[w:Oscar Brodney|Oscar Brodney]]
**''[[Knock on Wood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Panama|Norman Panama]], [[w:Melvin Frank|Melvin Frank]]

*'''1955 ''[[Interrupted Melody]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sonya Levien|Sonya Levien]], [[w:William Ludwig|William Ludwig]]'''
**''[[The Court-Martial of Billy Mitchell]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Milton Sperling|Milton Sperling]], [[w:Emmet Lavery|Emmet Lavery]]
**''[[It's Always Fair Weather]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Betty Comden|Betty Comden]], [[w:Adolph Green|Adolph Green]]
**''[[Monsieur Hulot's Holiday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jacques Tati|Jacques Tati]], [[w:Henri Marquet|Henri Marquet]]
**''[[The Seven Little Foys]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Melville Shavelson|Melville Shavelson]], [[w:Jack Rose (screenwriter)|Jack Rose]]

*'''1956 ''[[The Red Balloon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Lamorisse|Albert Lamorisse]]'''
**''[[The Bold and the Brave]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Lewin (screenwriter)|Robert Lewin]]
**''[[Julie (film)|Julie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andrew L. Stone|Andrew L. Stone]]
**''[[La Strada]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Tullio Pinelli|Tullio Pinelli]]
**''[[The Ladykillers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Rose (screenwriter)|William Rose]]

*'''1957 ''[[Designing Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Wells (screenwriter)|George Wells]]'''
**''[[Funny Face]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leonard Gershe|Leonard Gershe]]
**''[[Man of a Thousand Faces]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ralph Wheelwright|Ralph Wheelwright]], [[w:R. Wright Campbell|R. Wright Campbell]], [[w:Ivan Goff|Ivan Goff]], [[w:Ben Roberts (screenwriter)|Ben Roberts]]
**''[[The Tin Star]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Barney Slater|Barney Slater]], [[w:Joel Kane|Joel Kane]], [[w:Dudley Nichols|Dudley Nichols]]
**''[[I vitelloni]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Ennio Flaiano|Ennio Flaiano]], [[w:Tullio Pinelli|Tullio Pinelli]]

*'''1958 ''[[The Defiant Ones]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nathan E. Douglas|Nathan E. Douglas]], [[w:Harold Jacob Smith|Harold Jacob Smith]]''' (Upon request of his widow and upon recommendation of the Writers Branch Executive Committee, the Board of Governors voted to restore the name of [[w:Nedrick Young|Nedrick Young]] to the nomination and award presented to [[w:Nathan E. Douglas|Nathan E. Douglas]], which was a pseudonym for Mr. Young during the blacklisting period.)
**''[[The Goddess]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Paddy Chayefsky]]
**''[[Houseboat (film)|Houseboat]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Melville Shavelson|Melville Shavelson]], [[w:Jack Rose|Jack Rose]]
**''[[The Sheepman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Edward Grant|James Edward Grant]], [[w:William Bowers|William Bowers]]
**''[[Teacher's Pet (1958 film)|Teacher's Pet]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fay Kanin|Fay Kanin]], [[w:Michael Kanin|Michael Kanin]]

*'''1959 ''[[Pillow Talk (film)|Pillow Talk]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clarence Greene|Clarence Greene]], [[w:Maurice Richlin|Maurice Richlin]], [[w:Russell Rouse|Russell Rouse]], [[w:Stanley Shapiro|Stanley Shapiro]]'''
**''[[The 400 Blows]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[François Truffaut]], [[w:Marcel Moussy|Marcel Moussy]]
**''[[North by Northwest]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernest Lehman|Ernest Lehman]]
**''[[Operation Petticoat]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul King (screenwriter)|Paul King]], Joseph B. Stone, [[w:Stanley Shapiro|Stanley Shapiro]], [[w:Maurice Richlin|Maurice Richlin]]
**''[[Wild Strawberries (film)|Wild Strawberries]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ingmar Bergman]]

===1960s===
*'''1960 ''[[The Apartment]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:I.A.L. Diamond|I.A.L. Diamond]], [[Billy Wilder]]'''
**''[[The Angry Silence]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Bryan Forbes|Bryan Forbes]]; Story by [[w:Richard Gregson|Richard Gregson]], [[w:Michael Craig (screenwriter)|Michael Craig]]
**''[[The Facts of Life (film)|The Facts of Life]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Panama|Norman Panama]], [[w:Melvin Frank|Melvin Frank]]
**''[[Hiroshima Mon Amour]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Marguerite Duras]]
**''[[Never on Sunday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jules Dassin|Jules Dassin]]

*'''1961 ''[[Splendor in the Grass]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Inge|William Inge]]'''
**''[[Ballad of a Soldier]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Valentin Yoshov|Valentin Yoshov]], [[w:Grigori Chukhrai|Grigori Chukhrai]]
**''[[La Dolce Vita]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Tullio Pinelli|Tullio Pinelli]], [[w:Ennio Flaiano|Ennio Flaiano]], [[w:Brunello Rondi|Brunello Rondi]]
**''[[General Della Rovere]]'' &amp;nbsp;-- [[w:Sergio Amidei|Sergio Amidei]], [[w:Diego Fabbi|Diego Fabbi]], [[Indro Montanelli]]
**''[[Lover Come Back]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stanley Shapiro|Stanley Shapiro]], [[w:Paul Henning|Paul Henning]]

*'''1962 ''[[Divorce, Italian Style]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ennio de Concini|Ennio de Concini]], [[w:Pietro Germi|Pietro Germi]], [[w:Alfredo Giannetti|Alfredo Giannetti]]'''
**''[[Freud (film)|Freud]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Charles Kaufman (screenwriter)|Charles Kaufman]], Screenplay by Charles Kaufman and [[w:Wolfgang Reinhardt|Wolfgang Reinhardt]]
**''[[Last Year at Marienbad]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Alain Robbe-Grillet]]
**''[[That Touch of Mink]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stanley Shapiro|Stanley Shapiro]], [[w:Nate Monaster|Nate Monaster]]
**''[[Through a Glass Darkly (film)|Through a Glass Darkly]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ingmar Bergman]]

*'''1963 ''[[How the West Was Won (film)|How the West Was Won]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James R. Webb|James R. Webb]]'''
**''[[8½]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Ennio Flaiano|Ennio Flaiano]], [[w:Tullio Pinelli|Tullio Pinelli]], [[w:Brunello Rondi|Brunello Rondi]]
**''[[America America]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Elia Kazan]]
**''[[The Four Days of Naples]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Pasquale Festa Campanile|Pasquale Festa Campanile]], [[w:Massimo Franciosa|Massimo Franciosa]], [[w:Nanni Loy|Nanni Loy]], [[w:Vasco Pratolini|Vasco Pratolini]]; Screenplay by [[w:Carlo Bernari|Carlo Bernari]], [[w:Massimo Franciosa|Massimo Franciosa]], [[w:Pasquale Festa Campanile|Pasquale Festa Campanile]], [[w:Nanni Loy|Nanni Loy]]
**''[[Love with the Proper Stranger]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Arnold Schulman|Arnold Schulman]]

*'''1964 ''[[Father Goose (film)|Father Goose]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Stone|Peter Stone]], [[w:Frank Tarloff|Frank Tarloff]]'''
**''[[A Hard Day's Night (film)|A Hard Day's Night]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alun Owen|Alun Owen]]
**''[[One Potato, Two Potato]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Raphael Hayes|Raphael Hayes]]; Story by [[w:Orville H. Hampton|Orville H. Hampton]]
**''[[I compagni]] (The Organizer)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Age Monicelli|Age Monicelli]], [[w:Scarpelli Monicelli|Scarpelli Monicelli]], [[w:Mario Monicelli|Mario Monicelli]]
**''[[L'homme de Rio]] (That Man from Rio)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jean-Paul Rappeneau|Jean-Paul Rappeneau]], [[w:Ariane Mnouchkine|Ariane Mnouchkine]], [[w:Daniel Boulanger|Daniel Boulanger]], [[w:Philippe de Broca|Philippe de Broca]]

*'''1965 ''[[Darling (film)|Darling]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Frederic Raphael]]'''
**''[[Casanova 70]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Age Monicelli|Age Monicelli]], [[w:Scarpelli Monicelli|Scarpelli Monicelli]], [[w:Mario Monicelli|Mario Monicelli]], [[w:Tonino Guerra|Tonino Guerra]], [[w:Giorgio Salvioni|Giorgio Salvioni]], [[w:Suso Cecchi D'Amico|Suso Cecchi D'Amico]]
**''[[Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jack Davies|Jack Davies]], [[w:Ken Annakin|Ken Annakin]]
**''[[The Train (1964 film)|The Train]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Franklin Coen, Frank Davis, and [[w:Walter Bernstein|Walter Bernstein]]
**''[[The Umbrellas of Cherbourg]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jacques Demy|Jacques Demy]]

*'''1966 ''[[A Man and a Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Claude Lelouch|Claude Lelouch]]; Screenplay by [[w:Claude Lelouch|Claude Lelouch]], [[w:Pierre Uytterhoeven|Pierre Uytterhoeven]]'''
**''[[Blowup]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[Michelangelo Antonioni]]; Screenplay by Michelangelo Antonioni, [[w:Tonino Guerra|Tonino Guerra]], [[Edward Bond]]
**''[[The Fortune Cookie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:I.A.L. Diamond|I.A.L. Diamond]]
**''[[Khartoum (1966 film)|Khartoum]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Robert Ardrey]]
**''[[The Naked Prey]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clinkt Johnston|Clinkt Johnston]], [[w:Don Peters|Don Peters]]

*'''1967 ''[[Guess Who's Coming to Dinner]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Rose (screenwriter)|William Rose]]'''
**''[[Bonnie and Clyde (film)|Bonnie and Clyde]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Newman (wordman)|David Newman]], [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]]
**''[[Divorce, American Style]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Robert Kaufman|Robert Kaufman]]; Screenplay by [[Norman Lear]]
**''[[La Guerre Est Finie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jorge Semprún|Jorge Semprún]]
**''[[Two for the Road (film)|Two for the Road]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Frederic Raphael]]

*'''1968 ''[[The Producers (1967 film)|The Producers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Mel Brooks]]'''
**''[[2001: A Space Odyssey (film)|2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Stanley Kubrick]], [[Arthur C. Clarke]]
**''[[The Battle of Algiers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Franco Solinas|Franco Solinas]], [[w:Gillo Pontecorvo|Gillo Pontecorvo]]
**''[[Faces (1968 film)|Faces]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Cassavetes|John Cassavetes]]
**''[[Hot Millions]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Iro Wallach]], [[Peter Ustinov]]

*'''1969 ''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Goldman|William Goldman]]'''
**''[[Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]], [[w:Larry Tucker (screenwriter)|Larry Tucker]]
**''[[The Damned (film)|The Damned]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Nicola Badalucco|Nicola Badalucco]]; Screenplay by [[w:Nicola Badalucco|Nicola Badalucco]], [[w:Enrico Medioli|Enrico Medioli]], [[w:Luchino Visconti|Luchino Visconti]]
**''[[Easy Rider]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Fonda|Peter Fonda]], [[w:Dennis Hopper|Dennis Hopper]], [[w:Terry Southern|Terry Southern]]
**''[[The Wild Bunch]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story by [[w:Walon Green|Walon Green]], [[w:Roy N. Sickner|Roy N. Sickner]]; Screenplay by Walon Green, [[Sam Peckinpah]]
***In 1969, the category was renamed: &quot;Story and Screenplay - based on material not previously published or produced

===1970s===
*'''1970 ''[[Patton (film)|Patton]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Francis Ford Coppola|Francis Ford Coppola]], [[Edmund H. North]]'''
**''[[Five Easy Pieces]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Adrien Joyce|Adrien Joyce]] (aka [[w:Carol Eastman|Carol Eastman]]); Story by [[w:Adrien Joyce|Adrien Joyce]], [[w:Bob Rafelson|Bob Rafelson]]
**''[[Joe (film)|Joe]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Wexler|Norman Wexler]]
**''[[Love Story (1970 film)|Love Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Erich Segal|Erich Segal]]
**''[[My Night at Maud's]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Éric Rohmer|Éric Rohmer]]

*'''1971 ''[[The Hospital]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Paddy Chayefsky]]''' 
**''[[Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elio Petri|Elio Petri]], [[w:Ugo Pirro|Ugo Pirro]]
**''[[Klute]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andy and Dave Lewis|Andy and Dave Lewis]]
**''[[Summer of '42]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Herman Raucher|Herman Raucher]]
**''[[Sunday Bloody Sunday (film)|Sunday Bloody Sunday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Penelope Gilliatt]]

*'''1972 ''[[The Candidate (1972 film)|The Candidate]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jeremy Larner|Jeremy Larner]]'''
**''[[The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Luis Buñuel]], [[Jean-Claude Carrière]]
**''[[Lady Sings the Blues]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Terrence McCloy|Terrence McCloy]], [[w:Chris Clark (screenwriter)|Chris Clark]], [[w:Suzanne de Passe|Suzanne de Passe]]
**''[[Murmur of the Heart]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Louis Malle|Louis Malle]]
**''[[Young Winston]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]]

*'''1973 ''[[The Sting]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David S. Ward|David S. Ward]]'''
**''[[American Graffiti]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[George Lucas]], [[w:Gloria Katz|Gloria Katz]], [[w:Willard Huyck|Willard Huyck]]
**''[[Cries and Whispers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ingmar Bergman]]
**''[[Save the Tiger]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steve Shagan|Steve Shagan]]
**''[[A Touch of Class (film)|A Touch of Class]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Melvin Frank|Melvin Frank]], [[w:Jack rose (screenwriter)|Jack Rose]]

*'''1974 ''[[Chinatown (film)|Chinatown]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Towne|Robert Towne]]'''
**''[[Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Getchell|Robert Getchell]]
**''[[The Conversation]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Francis Ford Coppola|Francis Ford Coppola]]
**''[[Day for Night (film)|Day for Night]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[François Truffaut]], [[w:Jean-Louis Richard|Jean-Louis Richard]], [[w:Suzanne Schiffman|Suzanne Schiffman]]
**''[[Harry and Tonto]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]], [[w:Josh Greenfeld|Josh Greenfeld]]

*'''1975 ''[[Dog Day Afternoon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Pierson|Frank Pierson]]'''
**''[[Amarcord]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Tonino Guerra|Tonino Guerra]]
**''[[And Now My Love]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Claude LeLouch|Claude LeLouch]], [[w:Pierre Uytterhoeven|Pierre Uytterhoeven]]
**''[[Lies My Father Told Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ted Allan|Ted Allan]]
**''[[Shampoo (film)|Shampoo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Towne|Robert Towne]], [[w:Warren Beatty|Warren Beatty]]

*'''1976 ''[[Network (film)|Network]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Paddy Chayefsky]]'''
**''[[Cousin, cousine]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Story and Screenplay by [[w:Jean-Charles Tacchella|Jean-Charles Tacchella]]; Adaptation by [[w:Daniele Thompson|Daniele Thompson]]
**''[[The Front]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Walter Bernstein|Walter Bernstein]]
**''[[Rocky]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Sylvester Stallone]]
**''[[Seven Beauties]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Lina Wertmüller]]
***In 1976, the category was renamed: &quot;Screenplay written directly for the Screen - Based on factual material or on story material not previously published or produced&quot;

*'''1977 ''[[Annie Hall]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]], [[w:Marshall Brickman|Marshall Brickman]]'''
**''[[The Goodbye Girl]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Neil Simon]]
**''[[The Late Show (film)|The Late Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]]
**''[[Star Wars]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[George Lucas]]
**''[[The Turning Point (1977 film)|The Turning Point]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Arthur Laurents|Arthur Laurents]]

*'''1978 ''[[Coming Home]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Robert C. Jones|Robert C. Jones]], [[w:Waldo Salt|Waldo Salt]]; Story by [[w:Nancy Dowd|Nancy Dowd]]'''
**''[[Autumn Sonata]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ingmar Bergman]]
**''[[The Deer Hunter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Deric Washburn|Deric Washburn]]; Story by [[w:Michael Cimino|Michael Cimino]], [[w:Deric Washburn|Deric Washburn]], [[w:Louis Garfinkle|Louis Garfinkle]], [[w:Quinn K. Redeker|Quinn K. Redeker]]
**''[[Interiors]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[An Unmarried Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]
*** In 1978, the category was renamed: &quot;Screenplay written directly for the screen&quot;

*'''1979 ''[[Breaking Away]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steve Tesich|Steve Tesich]]'''
**''[[All That Jazz]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Alan Aurthur|Robert Alan Aurthur]], [[w:Bob Fosse|Bob Fosse]]
**''[[...And Justice for All (film)|...And Justice for All]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Valerie Curtin|Valerie Curtin]], [[w:Barry Levinson|Barry Levinson]]
**''[[The China Syndrome]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Gray|Mike Gray]], [[w:T.S. Cook|T.S. Cook]], [[w:James Bridges|James Bridges]]
**''[[Manhattan (film)|Manhattan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]], [[w:Marshall Brickman|Marshall Brickman]]

===1980s===
*'''1980 ''[[Melvin and Howard]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bo Goldman|Bo Goldman]]'''
**''[[Brubaker]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:W. D. Richter|W. D. Richter]]; Story by [[w:Arthur Rose|Arthur Rose]] and [[w:W.D. Richter|W.D. Richter]]
**''[[Fame (film)|Fame]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Christopher Gore|Christopher Gore]]
**''[[Mon oncle d'Amérique]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jean Gruault|Jean Gruault]], [[Henri Laborit]]
**''[[Private Benjamin]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nancy Meyers|Nancy Meyers]], [[w:Charles Shyer|Charles Shyer]], [[w:Harvey Miller|Harvey Miller]]

*'''1981 ''[[Chariots of Fire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Colin Welland|Colin Welland]]'''
**''[[Absence of Malice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kurt Luedtke|Kurt Luedtke]]
**''[[Arthur (1981 film)|Arthur]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steve Gordon (director)|Steve Gordon]]
**''[[Atlantic City (1980 film)|Atlantic City]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Guare|John Guare]]
**''[[Reds (film)|Reds]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Warren Beatty|Warren Beatty]], [[Trevor Griffiths]]

*'''1982 ''[[Gandhi (film)|Gandhi]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Briley|John Briley]]'''
**''[[Diner (film)|Diner]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Barry Levinson|Barry Levinson]]
**''[[E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Melissa Mathison|Melissa Mathison]]
**''[[An Officer and a Gentleman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Douglas Day Stewart|Douglas Day Stewart]]
**''[[Tootsie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Larry Gelbart|Larry Gelbart]], [[w:Murray Schisgal|Murray Schisgal]]; Story by [[w:Don McGuire|Don McGuire]] and [[w:Larry Gelbart|Larry Gelbart]]

*'''1983 ''[[Tender Mercies]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Horton Foote|Horton Foote]]'''
**''[[The Big Chill (film)|The Big Chill]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lawrence Kasdan|Lawrence Kasdan]], [[w:Barbara Benedek|Barbara Benedek]]
**''[[Fanny and Alexander]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[Ingmar Bergman]]
**''[[Silkwood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Nora Ephron]], [[w:Alice Arlen|Alice Arlen]]
**''[[WarGames]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lawrence Lasker|Lawrence Lasker]], [[w:Walter F. Parkes|Walter F. Parkes]]

*'''1984 ''[[Places in the Heart]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]]'''
**''[[Beverly Hills Cop]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Daniel Petrie, Jr.|Daniel Petrie, Jr.]]; Story by [[w:Danilo Bach|Danilo Bach]] and Daniel Petrie, Jr.
**''[[Broadway Danny Rose]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[El Norte (film)|El Norte]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Gregory Nava|Gregory Nava]], [[w:Anna Thomas|Anna Thomas]]
**''[[Splash (film)|Splash]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Lowell Ganz|Lowell Ganz]], [[w:Babaloo Mandel|Babaloo Mandel]], [[w:Bruce Jay Friedman|Bruce Jay Friedman]]; Screen Story by Bruce Jay Friedman, Story by [[w:Brian Grazer|Brian Grazer]]

*'''1985 ''[[Witness (1985 film)|Witness]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:William Kelley (screenwriter)|William Kelley]], [[w:Earl Wallace|Earl Wallace]]; Story by William Kelley, [[w:Pamela Wallace|Pamela Wallace]], [[w:Earl Wallace|Earl Wallace]]'''
**''[[Back to the Future]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Zemeckis|Robert Zemeckis]], [[w:Bob Gale|Bob Gale]]
**''[[Brazil (film)|Brazil]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Terry Gilliam]], [[Tom Stoppard]], [[w:Charles McKeown|Charles McKeown]]
**''[[The Official Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Luis Puenzo|Luis Puenzo]], [[w:Aida Bortnik|Aida Bortnik]]
**''[[The Purple Rose of Cairo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]

*'''1986 ''[[Hannah and Her Sisters]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]'''
**''[[Crocodile Dundee]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Paul Hogan (actor)|Paul Hogan]], [[w:Ken Shadie|Ken Shadie]], [[w:John Cornell|John Cornell]]; Story by Paul Hogan
**''[[My Beautiful Laundrette]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Hanif Kureishi]]
**''[[Platoon (film)|Platoon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Oliver Stone]]
**''[[Salvador (film)|Salvador]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Oliver Stone]], [[w:Richard Boyle (screenwriter)|Richard Boyle]]

*'''1987 ''[[Moonstruck]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Patrick Shanley|John Patrick Shanley]]'''
**''[[Au revoir les enfants]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Louis Malle|Louis Malle]]
**''[[Broadcast News (film)|Broadcast News]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[James L. Brooks]]
**''[[Hope and Glory (film)|Hope and Glory]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Boorman|John Boorman]]
**''[[Radio Days]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]

*'''1988 ''[[Rain Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ronald Bass|Ronald Bass]], [[w:Barry Morrow|Barry Morrow]]'''
**''[[Big (film)|Big]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Gary Ross]], [[w:Anne Spielberg|Anne Spielberg]]
**''[[Bull Durham]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ron Shelton|Ron Shelton]]
**''[[A Fish Called Wanda]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[John Cleese]]; Story by John Cleese and [[w:Charles Crichton|Charles Crichton]]
**''[[Running on Empty (1988 film)|Running on Empty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Naomi Foner Gyllenhaal|Naomi Foner Gyllenhaal]]

*'''1989 ''[[Dead Poets Society]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tom Schulman|Tom Schulman]]'''
**''[[Crimes and Misdemeanors]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[Do the Right Thing]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Spike Lee]]
**''[[Sex, Lies, and Videotape]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Steven Soderbergh]]
**''[[When Harry Met Sally...]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Nora Ephron]]

===1990s===
*'''1990 ''[[Ghost (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bruce Rubin|Bruce Rubin]]'''
**''[[Alice (1990 film)|Alice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[Avalon (1990 film)|Avalon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Barry Levinson|Barry Levinson]]
**''[[Green Card (film)|Green Card]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Peter Weir]]
**''[[Metropolitan (film)|Metropolitan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Whit Stillman|Whit Stillman]]

*'''1991 ''[[Thelma &amp; Louise]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Callie Khouri|Callie Khouri]]'''
**''[[Boyz n the Hood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Singleton|John Singleton]]
**''[[Bugsy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Toback|James Toback]]
**''[[The Fisher King (film)|The Fisher King]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard LaGravenese|Richard LaGravenese]]
**''[[Grand Canyon (1991 film)|Grand Canyon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lawrence Kasdan|Lawrence Kasdan]] and [[w:Meg Kasdan|Meg Kasdan]]

*'''1992 ''[[The Crying Game]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Neil Jordan|Neil Jordan]]'''
**''[[Husbands and Wives]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[Lorenzo's Oil]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nick Enright|Nick Enright]] and [[w:George Miller (producer)|George Miller]]
**''[[Passion Fish]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Sayles|John Sayles]]
**''[[Unforgiven]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Peoples|David Peoples]]

*'''1993 ''[[The Piano]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jane Campion|Jane Campion]]'''
**''[[Dave (film)|Dave]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Gary Ross]]
**''[[In the Line of Fire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jeff Maguire|Jeff Maguire]]
**''[[Philadelphia (film)|Philadelphia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ron Nyswaner|Ron Nyswaner]]
**''[[Sleepless in Seattle]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jeff Arch|Jeff Arch]] (story and screenplay), [[Nora Ephron]] and [[w:David S. Ward|David S. Ward]]

*'''1994 ''[[Pulp Fiction]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Quentin Tarantino]] (story and screenplay) and [[w:Roger Avary|Roger Avary]] (story)'''
**''[[Bullets Over Broadway]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]] and [[w:Douglas McGrath|Douglas McGrath]]
**''[[Four Weddings and a Funeral]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Richard Curtis]]
**''[[Heavenly Creatures]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Peter Jackson]] and [[w:Fran Walsh|Fran Walsh]]
**''[[Three Colors: Red]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Krzysztof Kieślowski]] and [[w:Krzysztof Piesiewicz|Krzysztof Piesiewicz]]

*'''1995 ''[[The Usual Suspects]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Christopher McQuarrie|Christopher McQuarrie]]'''
**''[[Braveheart]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Randall Wallace|Randall Wallace]]
**''[[Mighty Aphrodite]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[Nixon (film)|Nixon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stephen J. Rivele|Stephen J. Rivele]], [[w:Christopher Wilkinson|Christopher Wilkinson]] and [[Oliver Stone]]
**''[[Toy Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Joss Whedon|Joss Whedon]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Joel Cohen|Joel Cohen]] &amp; [[w:Alec Sokolow|Alec Sokolow]]; Story by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Peter Docter|Peter Docter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]]

*'''1996 ''[[Fargo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ethan Coen|Ethan Coen]] and [[w:Joel Coen|Joel Coen]]'''
**''[[Jerry Maguire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Cameron Crowe|Cameron Crowe]]
**''[[Lone Star (1996 film)|Lone Star]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Sayles|John Sayles]]
**''[[Secrets &amp; Lies (film)|Secrets and Lies]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Leigh|Mike Leigh]]
**''[[Shine (film)|Shine]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jan Sardi|Jan Sardi]] and [[w:Scott Hicks|Scott Hicks]] (story)

*'''1997 ''[[Good Will Hunting]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Affleck]], [[Matt Damon]]'''
**''[[As Good as It Gets]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mark Andrus|Mark Andrus]] (story and screenplay) and [[James L. Brooks]]
**''[[Boogie Nights]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]]
**''[[Deconstructing Harry]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[The Full Monty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Simon Beaufoy|Simon Beaufoy]]

*'''1998 ''[[Shakespeare in Love]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Marc Norman|Marc Norman]] and [[Tom Stoppard]]'''
**''[[Bulworth]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Warren Beatty|Warren Beatty]] and [[w:Jeremy Pikser|Jeremy Pikser]]
**''[[Life Is Beautiful]] (La vita è bella)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Roberto Benigni|Roberto Benigni]] and [[w:Vincenzo Cerami|Vincenzo Cerami]]
**''[[Saving Private Ryan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Rodat|Robert Rodat]]
**''[[The Truman Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andrew Niccol|Andrew Niccol]]

*'''1999 ''[[American Beauty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alan Ball (screenwriter)|Alan Ball]]'''
**''[[Being John Malkovich]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charlie Kaufman|Charlie Kaufman]]
**''[[Magnolia (film)|Magnolia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]]
**''[[The Sixth Sense]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:M. Night Shyamalan|M. Night Shyamalan]]
**''[[Topsy-Turvy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Leigh|Mike Leigh]]

===2000s===
*'''2000 ''[[Almost Famous]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Cameron Crowe|Cameron Crowe]]'''
**''[[Billy Elliot]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lee Hall (playwright)|Lee Hall]]
**''[[Erin Brockovich (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Susannah Grant|Susannah Grant]]
**''[[Gladiator (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Franzoni|David Franzoni]], [[w:John Logan (writer)|John Logan]] and [[w:William Nicholson (writer)|William Nicholson]]
**''[[You Can Count on Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kenneth Lonergan|Kenneth Lonergan]]

*'''2001 ''[[Gosford Park]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Julian Fellowes|Julian Fellowes]]'''
**''[[Amélie]] (Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Guillaume Laurant|Guillaume Laurant]] and [[w:Jean-Pierre Jeunet|Jean-Pierre Jeunet]]	
**''[[Memento (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Christopher Nolan]] and [[w:Jonathan Nolan|Jonathan Nolan]]	
**''[[Monster's Ball]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Milo Addica|Milo Addica]] and [[w:Will Rokos|Will Rokos]]
**''[[The Royal Tenenbaums]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Wes Anderson|Wes Anderson]] and [[Owen Wilson]]

*'''2002 ''[[Talk to Her]] (Hable con ella)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Pedro Almodóvar]]'''
**''[[Far from Heaven]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]
**''[[Gangs of New York]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jay Cocks|Jay Cocks]], [[w:Steven Zaillian|Steven Zaillian]], [[w:Kenneth Lonergan|Kenneth Lonergan]]
**''[[My Big Fat Greek Wedding]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nia Vardalos|Nia Vardalos]]
**''[[Y Tu Mamá También]] (And Your Mother Too)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carlos Cuarón|Carlos Cuarón]], [[w:Alfonso Cuarón|Alfonso Cuarón]]

*'''2003 ''[[Lost in Translation (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sofia Coppola|Sofia Coppola]]'''
**''[[Les Invasions barbares]] (The Barbarian Invasions)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Denys Arcand|Denys Arcand]]
**''[[Dirty Pretty Things (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steven Knight|Steven Knight]]
**''[[Finding Nemo]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Bob Peterson|Bob Peterson]] and [[David Reynolds]]
**''[[In America]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jim Sheridan|Jim Sheridan]], [[w:Naomi Sheridan|Naomi Sheridan]] and [[w:Kirsten Sheridan|Kirsten Sheridan]]

*'''2004 ''[[Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charlie Kaufman|Charlie Kaufman]]'''
**''[[The Aviator]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Logan (writer)|John Logan]]
**''[[Hotel Rwanda]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Terry George|Terry George]] and [[w:Keir Pearson|Keir Pearson]] 
**''[[The Incredibles]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Brad Bird]]
**''[[Vera Drake]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Leigh|Mike Leigh]]

*'''2005 ''[[Crash (2004 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Haggis|Paul Haggis]] and [[w:Robert Moresco|Robert Moresco]]'''
**''[[Good Night, and Good Luck.]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[George Clooney]] and [[w:Grant Heslov|Grant Heslov]]
**''[[Match Point]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[The Squid and the Whale]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Noah Baumbach|Noah Baumbach]]
**''[[Syriana]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stephen Gaghan|Stephen Gaghan]]

*'''2006 ''[[Little Miss Sunshine]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]]'''
**''[[Babel (2006 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Guillermo Arriaga|Guillermo Arriaga]]
**''[[Letters from Iwo Jima]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Iris Yamashita|Iris Yamashita]] (screenplay and story) and [[w:Paul Haggis|Paul Haggis]]
**''[[Pan's Labyrinth]] (El laberinto del fauno)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Guillermo del Toro]]
**''[[The Queen (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Morgan (screenwriter)|Peter Morgan]]

*'''2007 ''[[Juno (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Diablo Cody|Diablo Cody]]'''
**''[[Lars and the Real Girl]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nancy Oliver|Nancy Oliver]]
**''[[Michael Clayton (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tony Gilroy|Tony Gilroy]]
**''[[Ratatouille]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Brad Bird]]
**''[[The Savages (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tamara Jenkins|Tamara Jenkins]]

*'''2008 ''[[Milk (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dustin Lance Black|Dustin Lance Black]]'''
**''[[WALL-E]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]], [[w:Jim Reardon|Jim Reardon]] and [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]
**''[[Happy-Go-Lucky]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Leigh|Mike Leigh]]
**''[[Frozen River]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Courtney Hunt|Courtney Hunt]]
**''[[In Bruges]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Martin McDonagh|Martin McDonagh]]

*'''2009 ''[[The Hurt Locker]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Mark Boal|Mark Boal]]'''
**''[[Inglourious Basterds]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[Quentin Tarantino]]
**''[[The Messenger (2009 film)|The Messenger]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Alessandro Camon|Alessandro Camon]] and [[w:Oren Moverman|Oren Moverman]]
**''[[A Serious Man]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Joel Coen|Joel Coen]] and [[w:Ethan Coen|Ethan Coen]]
**''[[Up (2009 film)|Up]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Thomas McCarthy (actor)|Tom McCarthy]], [[w:Bob Peterson (animator)|Bob Peterson]] and [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]

===2010s===
*'''2010''[[The King's Speech]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:David Seidler|David Seidler]]'''
**''[[Another Year (film)|Another Year]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Mike Leigh|Mike Leigh]]
**''[[The Fighter]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Scott Silver|Scott Silver]], Paul Tamasy and Eric Johnson
**''[[Inception (film)|Inception]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Christopher Nolan|Christopher Nolan]]
**''[[The Kids Are All Right (film)|The Kids Are All Right]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Lisa Cholodenko|Lisa Cholodenko]] and Stuart Blumberg

*'''2011 ''[[Midnight in Paris]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]'''
**''[[The Artist (film)|The Artist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michel Hazanavicius|Michel Hazanavicius]]
**''[[Bridesmaids (2011 film)|Bridesmaids]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kristen Wiig|Kristen Wiig]] and [[w:Annie Mumolo|Annie Mumolo]]
**''[[Margin Call]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:J.C. Chandor|J.C. Chandor]]
**''[[A Separation]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Asghar Farhadi|Asghar Farhadi]]

*'''2012 ''[[Django Unchained]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Quentin Tarantino]]'''
**''[[Amour (2012 film)|Amour]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Haneke|Michael Haneke]]
**''[[Flight (2012 film)|Flight]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Gatins|John Gatins]]
**''[[Moonrise Kingdom]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Wes Anderson|Wes Anderson]] and [[w:Roman Coppola|Roman Coppola]]
**''[[Zero Dark Thirty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mark Boal|Mark Boal]]

*'''2013 ''[[Her (film)|Her]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Spike Jonze|Spike Jonze]]'''
**''[[American Hustle (2013 film)|American Hustle]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Eric Warren Singer and [[w:David O. Russell|David O. Russell]]
**''[[Blue Jasmine]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Woody Allen]]
**''[[Dallas Buyers Club]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack
**''[[Nebraska (film)|Nebraska]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bob Nelson (screenwriter)|Bob Nelson]]

*'''2014 ''[[Birdman (film)|Birdman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alejandro González Iñárritu|Alejandro González Iñárritu]], [[w:Nicolás Giacobone|Nicolás Giacobone]], [[w:Alexander Dinelaris Jr.|Alexander Dinelaris Jr.]] and [[w:Armando Bo (screenwriter)|Armando Bo]]'''
**''[[Boyhood (film)|Boyhood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Linklater|Richard Linklater]]
**''[[Foxcatcher (film)|Foxcatcher]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:E. Max Frye|E. Max Frye]] and [[w:Dan Futterman|Dan Futterman]]
**''[[The Grand Budapest Hotel]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Wes Anderson|Wes Anderson]] (story/screenplay) and [[w:Hugo Guinness|Hugo Guinness]] (story)
**''[[Nightcrawler (film)|Nightcrawler]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dan Gilroy|Dan Gilroy]]

*'''2015 ''[[Spotlight (film)|Spotlight]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tom McCarthy (director)|Tom McCarthy]] and [[w:Josh Singer|Josh Singer]]'''
**''[[Bridge of Spies (film)|Bridge of Spies]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Matt Charman|Matt Charman]], [[w:Joel Coen|Joel Coen]], and [[w:Ethan Coen|Ethan Coen]]
**''[[Ex Machina (film)|Ex Machina]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alex Garland|Alex Garland]]
**''[[Inside Out (2015 film)|Inside Out]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Josh Cooley|Josh Cooley]], [[w:Ronnie del Carmen|Ronnie del Carmen]], [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], and [[w:Meg LeFauve|Meg LeFauve]]
**''[[Straight Outta Compton (film)|Straight Outta Compton]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Andrea Berloff|Andrea Berloff]], [[w:Jonathan Herman|Jonathan Herman]], [[w:S. Leigh Savidge|S. Leigh Savidge]], and [[w:Alan Wenkus|Alan Wenkus]]

*'''2016 ''[[Manchester by the Sea (film)|Manchester by the Sea]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Kenneth Lonergan|Kenneth Lonergan]]'''
** ''[[20th Century Women]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Mike Mills (director)|Mike Mills]]
** ''[[Hell or High Water (film)|Hell or High Water]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Taylor Sheridan|Taylor Sheridan]]
** ''[[La La Land (film)|La La Land]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Damien Chazelle|Damien Chazelle]]
** ''[[The Lobster]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Yorgos Lanthimos|Yorgos Lanthimos]] and [[w:Efthimis Filippou|Efthimis Filippou]]

*'''2017 ''[[Get Out]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jordan Peele|Jordan Peele]]''' 
** ''[[The Big Sick]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Emily V. Gordon|Emily V. Gordon]] and [[w:Kumail Nanjiani|Kumail Nanjiani]]
** ''[[Lady Bird (film)|Lady Bird]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Greta Gerwig]]
** ''[[The Shape of Water (film)|The Shape of Water]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Guillermo del Toro]] and [[w:Vanessa Taylor|Vanessa Taylor]]; Story by [[Guillermo del Toro]]
** ''[[Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Martin McDonagh|Martin McDonagh]]

*'''2018 ''[[Green Book (film)|Green Book]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Brian Hayes Currie|Brian Hayes Currie]], [[w:Peter Farrelly|Peter Farrelly]] and [[w:Nick Vallelonga|Nick Vallelonga]]'''
** ''[[The Favourite]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Deborah Davis|Deborah Davis]] and [[w:Tony McNamara|Tony McNamara]]
** ''[[First Reformed]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Schrader|Paul Schrader]]
** ''[[Roma (2018 film)|Roma]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfonso Cuaron|Alfonso Cuaron]]
** ''[[Vice (2018 film)|Vice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Adam McKay|Adam McKay]]

*'''2019 ''[[Parasite (2019 film)| Parasite]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Bong Joon-ho]] &amp; [[w:Han Jin-won|Han Jin-won]]'''
**''[[Knives Out]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Rian Johnson]]
**''[[Marriage Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Noah Baumbach|Noah Baumbach]]
**''[[1917 (2019 film)| 1917]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sam Mendes|Sam Mendes]] &amp; [[w:Krysty Wilson-Cairns|Krysty Wilson-Cairns]]
**''[[Once Upon a Time in Hollywood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Quentin Tarantino]]

===2020s===
*'''2020 ''[[Promising Young Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Emerald Fennell|Emerald Fennell]]'''
** ''[[Judas and the Black Messiah]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Will Berson|Will Berson]] and [[w:Shaka King|Shaka King]]; Story by Berson, King, [[w:Kenny and Keith Lucas|Keith Lucas]] and [[w:Kenny and Keith Lucas|Kenny Lucas]]
** ''[[Minari]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lee Isaac Chung|Lee Isaac Chung]]
** ''[[Sound of Metal]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by Abraham Marder and [[w:Darius Marder|Darius Marder]]; Story by [[w:Derek Cianfrance|Derek Cianfrance]] and D. Marder
** ''[[The Trial of the Chicago 7]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Aaron Sorkin]]

* '''2021 ''[[Belfast (film)|Belfast]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kenneth Branagh|Kenneth Branagh]]'''
** ''[[Don't Look Up]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay: [[w:Adam McKay|Adam McKay]]; Story: Adam McKay &amp; [[David Sirota]]
** ''[[King Richard (film)|King Richard]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Zach Baylin|Zach Baylin]]
** ''[[Licorice Pizza]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]] 
** ''[[The Worst Person in the World (film)|The Worst Person in the World]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Joachim Trier|Joachim Trier]] &amp; [[w:Eskil Vogt|Eskil Vogt]]

* '''2022 ''[[Everything Everywhere All at Once]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Daniel Kwan|Daniel Kwan]] &amp; [[w:Daniel Scheinert|Daniel Scheinert]]'''
** ''[[The Banshees of Inisherin]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Martin McDonagh|Martin McDonagh]]
** ''[[The Fabelmans]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tony Kushner|Tony Kushner]] &amp; [[Steven Spielberg]]
** ''[[Tár]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Todd Field|Todd Field]]
** ''[[Triangle of Sadness]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ruben Östlund|Ruben Östlund]]

* '''2023 ''[[Anatomy of a Fall]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Justine Triet|Justine Triet]] and [[w:Arthur Harari|Arthur Harari]]'''
** ''[[The Holdovers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Hemingson|David Hemingson]]
** ''[[Maestro (2023 film)|Maestro]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bradley Cooper|Bradley Cooper]] and [[w:Josh Singer|Josh Singer]]
** ''[[May December]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Samy Burch|Samy Burch]]; Story by Samy Burch and Alex Mechanik
** ''[[Past Lives (film)|Past Lives]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Celine Song|Celine Song]]

* '''2024 ''[[Anora]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sean Baker (filmmaker)|Sean Baker]]'''
** ''[[The Brutalist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Brady Corbet|Brady Corbet]] and [[w:Mona Fastvold|Mona Fastvold]]
** ''[[A Real Pain]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jesse Eisenberg|Jesse Eisenberg]]
** ''[[September 5 (film)|September 5]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Moritz Binder|Moritz Binder]], [[w:Tim Fehlbaum|Tim Fehlbaum]], and Alex David
** ''[[The Substance]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Coralie Fargeat|Coralie Fargeat]]

* '''2025 ''[[Sinners (2025 film)|Sinners]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ryan Coogler]]'''
** ''[[Blue Moon (2025 film)|Blue Moon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Kaplow|Robert Kaplow]]
** ''[[It Was Just an Accident]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jafar Panahi|Jafar Panahi]]
** ''[[Marty Supreme]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ronald Bronstein|Ronald Bronstein]] and [[w:Josh Safdie|Josh Safdie]]
** ''[[Sentimental Value]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eskil Vogt|Eskil Vogt]] and [[w:Joachim Trier|Joachim Trier]]

==Best Adapted Screenplay==
===1920s===

This award started with the name '''Best Writing, Adaptation'''.

*'''1927/1928 ''[[Seventh Heaven (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Benjamin Glazer|Benjamin Glazer]] from the play ''[[w:Seventh Heaven|Seventh Heaven]]'' by Austin Strong'''
** ''[[Glorious Betsy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony Coldeway|Anthony Coldeway]] from the play by [[w:Rida Johnson Young|Rida Johnson Young]]
** ''[[The Jazz Singer (1927 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfred A. Cohn|Alfred A. Cohn]] from the play ''Day of Atonement'' by [[w:Samson Raphaelson|Samson Raphaelson]]

In the 2nd and 3rd years there was only a single writing award for '''Writing Achievement''' with no distinction between original works and adaptations.

*'''1928/1929 ''[[The Patriot (1928 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hanns Kräly|Hanns Kräly]] from a play by [[w:Ashley Dukes|Ashley Dukes]] translated from the play ''Der Patriot'' by [[w:Alfred Neumann (writer)|Alfred Neumann]], derived from the story ''Paul I'' by [[w:Dmitri Merezhkovsky|Dmitri Merezhkovsky]]'''
** ''[[The Cop]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[William Taylor Garnett]] from a story by [[w:Elliott Judd Clawson|Elliott Judd Clawson]]
** ''[[In Old Arizona]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tom Barry (screenwriter)|Tom Barry]] from the short story &quot;[[w:The Cisco Kid#&quot;The Caballero's Way&quot; (short story)|The Caballero's Way]]&quot; by [[O. Henry]]
** ''[[The Last of Mrs. Cheyney]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hanns Kräly|Hanns Kräly]] from [[w:The Last of Mrs. Cheyney (play)|the play]] by [[w:Frederick Lonsdale|Frederick Lonsdale]]
** ''[[The Leatherneck]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elliott J. Clawson|Elliott J. Clawson]], original
** ''[[Our Dancing Daughters]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Josephine Lovett|Josephine Lovett]], original
** ''[[Sal of Singapore]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elliott J. Clawson|Elliott J. Clawson]] from the novel ''The Sentimentalists'' by [[w:Dale Collins|Dale Collins]]
** ''[[Skyscraper (1928 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elliott J. Clawson|Elliott J. Clawson]], [[w:William Taylor Garnett|William Taylor Garnett]] from a story by [[w:Dudley Murphy|Dudley Murphy]]
** ''[[The Valiant (1929 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tom Barry (screenwriter)|Tom Barry]] from [[w:The Valiant (play)|the play]] by [[w:Halworthy Everett Hall|Halworthy Everett Hall]] and [[w:Robert Middlemass|Robert Middlemass]]
** ''[[A Woman of Affairs]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bess Meredyth|Bess Meredyth]] from the novel ''[[w:The Green Hat (novel)|The Green Hat]]'' by [[w:Michael Arlen|Michael Arlen]]
** ''[[Wonder of Women]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bess Meredyth|Bess Meredyth]] from the novel ''Die Frau des Steffen Tromholt (The Wife of Steffen Tromholt)'' by [[w:Hermann Sudermann|Hermann Sudermann]]

*'''1929/1930 ''[[The Big House]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frances Marion|Frances Marion]], original'''
** ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Maxwell Anderson|Maxwell Anderson]], [[w:George Abbott|George Abbott]], [[w:Del Andrews|Del Andrews]] from [[w:All Quieton the Western Front|the novel]] by [[Erich Maria Remarque]]
** ''[[Disraeli (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Julien Josephson|Julien Josephson]] from [[w:Disraeli (play)|the play]] by [[w:Louis N. Parker|Louis N. Parker]]
** ''[[The Divorcee]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Meehan (screenwriter)]] from the novel ''Ex-Wife'' by [[w:Ursula Parrott|Ursula Parrott]]
** ''[[Street of Chance (1930 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Howard Estabrook|Howard Estabrook]] from a story by [[w:Oliver H. P. Garrett|Oliver H. P. Garrett]]

===1930s===
For the 1930/31 production year the award was again subdivided, and this one was once again '''Best Writing, Adaptation'''.

*'''1930/1931 ''[[Cimarron (1931 film)|Cimarron]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Howard Estabrook|Howard Estabrook]] from [[w:Cimarron (novel)|the novel]] by [[Edna Ferber]]'''
** ''[[The Criminal Code]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Seton I. Miller|Seton I. Miller]], [[w:Fred Niblo Jr.|Fred Niblo Jr.]] from the play by [[w:Martin Flavin|Martin Flavin]]
** ''[[Holiday (1930 film)|Holiday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Horace Jackson|Horace Jackson]] from [[w:Holiday (play)|the play]] by [[w:Philip Barry|Philip Barry]]
** ''[[Little Caesar (film)|Little Caesar]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Francis Edward Faragoli|Francis Edward Faragoli]], [[w:Robert N. Lee|Robert N. Lee]] from the novel by [[w:W. R. Burnett|W. R. Burnett]]
** ''[[Skippy (1931 film)|Skippy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Joseph L. Mankiewicz]], [[w:Sam Mintz|Sam Mintz]] from [[w:Skippy (comic strip)|the comic strip]] by [[w:Percy Crosby|Percy Crosby]]

*'''1931/1932 ''[[Bad Girl]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edwin J. Burke|Edwin J. Burke]] from the novel by [[w:Viña Delmar|Viña Delmar]] and play by Delmar and Brian Marlowe'''
** ''[[Arrowsmith (film)|Arrowsmith]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Howard|Sidney Howard]] from [[w:Arrowsmith (novel)|the novel]] by [[Sinclair Lewis]]
** ''[[Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931 film)|Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Samuel Hoffenstein|Samuel Hoffenstein]], [[w:Percy Heath (screenwriter)|Percy Heath]] from the novel by [[Robert Louis Stevenson]]

*'''1932/1933 ''[[Little Women (1933 film)|Little Women]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Victor Heerman|Victor Heerman]], [[w:Sarah Y. Mason|Sarah Y. Mason]] from [[w:Little Women|the novel]] by [[Louisa May Alcott]]'''
** ''[[Lady for a Day]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Riskin|Robert Riskin]] from the story ''Madame la Gimp'' by [[Damon Runyon]]
** ''[[State Fair]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Green (playwright)|Paul Green]], [[w:Sonya Levien|Sonya Levien]] from [[w:State Fair (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Phil Stong|Phil Stong]]

*'''1934 ''[[It Happened One Night]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Riskin|Robert Riskin]] from the story ''Night Bus'' by [[w:Samuel Hopkins Adams|Samuel Hopkins Adams]]'''
** ''[[The Thin Man (film)|The Thin Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Hackett|Albert Hackett]], [[w:Frances Goodrich|Frances Goodrich]] from [[w:The Thin Man|the novel]] by [[Dashiell Hammett]]
** ''[[Viva Villa!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ben Hecht]] from [[w:Viva Villa! (book)|the book]] by Edgecumb Pinchon and O. B. Stade
 
*'''1935 ''[[The Informer (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dudley Nichols|Dudley Nichols]] from the novel by [[Liam O'Flaherty]]. This was the first Academy Award ever to be declined.'''
** ''[[Captain Blood (1935 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- write-in candidate [[w:Casey Robinson|Casey Robinson]] from [[w:Captain Blood: His Odyssey|the novel]] by [[Rafael Sabatini]]
** ''[[The Lives of a Bengal Lancer (film)|The Lives of a Bengal Lancer]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Waldemar Young|Waldemar Young]], [[w:John L. Balderston|John L. Balderston]], [[w:Achmed Abdullah|Achmed Abdullah]], [[w:Grover Jones|Grover Jones]], [[w:William Slavens McNutt|William Slavens McNutt]] from [[w:The Lives of a Bengal Lancer (book)|the memoir]] by [[w:Francis Yeats-Brown|Francis Yeats-Brown]]
** ''[[Mutiny on the Bounty (1935 film)|Mutiny on the Bounty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Talbot Jennings|Talbot Jennings]], [[w:Jules Furthman|Jules Furthman]], [[w:Carey Wilson (writer)|Casey Wilson]] from [[w:Mutiny on the Bounty (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Charles Nordhoff|Charles Nordhoff]] and [[w:James Norman Hall|James Norman Hall]]
***For 1935 the award became '''Best Writing, Screenplay'''

*'''1936 ''[[The Story of Louis Pasteur]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Pierre Collings|Pierre Collings]], [[w:Sheridan Gibney|Sheridan Gibney]] from their own story'''
** ''[[After the Thin Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frances Goodrich|Frances Goodrich]], [[w:Albert Hackett|Albert Hackett]] from a story by [[Dashiell Hammett]]
** ''[[Dodsworth (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Howard|Sidney Howard]] from his [[w:Dodsworth (play)|1934 play]] adapted from the [[w:Dodsworth (novel)|1929 novel]] by [[Sinclair Lewis]]
** ''[[Mr. Deeds Goes to Town]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Riskin|Robert Riskin]] from the short story &quot;Opera Hat&quot; by [[w:Clarence Budington Kelland|Clarence Budington Kelland]]
** ''[[My Man Godfrey]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Morrie Ryskind|Morrie Ryskind]], [[w:Eric Hatch|Eric Hatch]] from the novel ''1101 Park Avenue'' by Hatch

*'''1937 ''[[The Life of Emile Zola]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Heinz Herald, Geza Herczeg, [[w:Norman Reilly Raine|Norman Reilly Raine]] from the book ''Zola and His Time'' by [[w:Matthew Josephson|Matthew Josephson]]'''
** ''[[The Awful Truth]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Viña Delmar|Viña Delmar]] from the play by [[w:Arthur Richman|Arthur Richman]]
** ''[[Captains Courageous (1937 film)|Captains Courageous]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Marc Connelly]], [[w:John Lee Mahin|John Lee Mahin]], [[w:Dale Van Every|Dale Van Every]] from [[w:Captains Courageous|the novel]] by [[Rudyard Kipling]]
** ''[[Stage Door]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Morrie Ryskind|Morrie Ryskind]], [[w:Anthony Veiller|Anthony Veiller]] from [[w:Stage Door (play)|the play]] by [[Edna Ferber]] and [[w:George S. Kaufman|George S. Kaufman]]
** ''[[A Star Is Born (1937 film)|A Star Is Born]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Dorothy Parker]], [[w:Alan Campbell (screenwriter)|Alan Campbell]], [[w:Robert Carson (writer)|Robert Carson]] from a story by [[w:William A. Wellman|William A. Wellman]] and Robert Carson

*'''1938 ''[[Pygmalion (1938 film)|Pygmalion]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ian Dalrymple|Ian Dalrymple]], [[w:Cecil Arthur Lewis|Cecil Arthur Lewis]], [[w:W.P. Lipscomb|W.P. Lipscomb]], [[George Bernard Shaw]] from [[w:Pygmalion (play)|the play]] by George Bernard Shaw'''
** ''[[Boys Town (film)|Boys Town]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Meehan (screenwriter)|John Meehan]], [[w:Dore Schary|Dore Schary]] from the story by Dore Schary and [[w:Eleanore Griffin|Eleanore Griffin]]
** ''[[The Citadel (film)|The Citadel]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ian Dalrymple|Ian Dalrymple]], [[w:Frank Wead|Frank Wead]], [[w:Elizabeth Hill|Elizabeth Hill]] from [[w:The Citadel (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:A. J. Cronin|A. J. Cronin]]
** ''[[Four Daughters]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lenore Coffee|Lenore Coffee]], [[w:Julius J. Epstein|Julius J. Epstein]] from the short story &quot;Sister Act&quot; by [[Fannie Hurst]]
** ''[[You Can't Take It with You (film)|You Can't Take It with You]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Riskin|Robert Riskin]] from [[w:You Can't Take It with You (play)|the play]] by [[w:George S. Kaufman|George S. Kaufman]] and [[w:Moss Hart|Moss Hart]]

*'''1939 ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone With the Wind]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Howard|Sidney Howard]] from [[w:Gone With the Wind (novel)|the novel]] by [[Margaret Mitchell]]'''
** ''[[Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939 film)|Goodbye, Mr. Chips]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[R. C. Sherriff]], [[w:Claudine West|Claudine West]], [[Eric Maschwitz]] from [[w:Goodbye, Mr. Chips|the novella]] by [[James Hilton (novelist)|James Hilton]]
** ''[[Mr. Smith Goes to Washington]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Buchman|Sidney Buchman]] from the story by [[w:Lewis R. Foster|Lewis R. Foster]]
** ''[[Ninotchka]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:Walter Reisch|Walter Reisch]] from the story by [[w:Melchior Lengyel|Melchior Lengyel]]
** ''[[Wuthering Heights (1939 film)|Wuthering Heights]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles MacArthur|Charles MacArthur]], [[Ben Hecht]] from [[w:Wuthering Heights|the novel]] by [[Emily Brontë]]

===1940s===
*'''1940 ''[[The Philadelphia Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Donald Ogden Stewart|Donald Ogden Stewart]] from [[w:The Philadelphia Story (play)|the play]] by [[w:Philip Barry|Philip Barry]]'''
** ''[[The Grapes of Wrath (film)|The Grapes of Wrath]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nunnally Johnson|Nunnally Johnson]] from [[The Grapes of Wrath|the novel]] by [[John Steinbeck]]
** ''[[Kitty Foyle (film)|Kitty Foyle]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Donald Ogden Stewart|Donald Ogden Stewart]], [[Dalton Trumbo]] from [[w:Kitty Foyle (novel)|the novel]] by [[Christopher Morley]]
** ''[[The Long Voyage Home]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dudley Nichols|Dudley Nichols]] from a composite of the short plays ''The Moon of the Caribees'', ''[[w:In the Zone (play)|In the Zone]]'', ''Bound East for Cardiff'' and ''The Long Voyage Home'' by [[Eugene O'Neill]]
** ''[[Rebecca (film)|Rebecca]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Joan Harrison (screenwriter)|Joan Harrison]], [[w:Robert E. Sherwood|Robert E. Sherwood]], [[w:Philip MacDonald|Philip MacDonald]], [[w:Michael Hogan (screenwriter)|Michael Hogan]] from [[w:Rebecca (novel)|the novel]] by [[Daphne du Maurier]]

*'''1941 ''[[Here Comes Mr. Jordan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Buchman|Sidney Buchman]], [[w:Seton Miller|Seton Miller]] from the play ''Heaven Can Wait'' by [[w:Harry Segall|Harry Segall]]'''
** ''[[Hold Back the Dawn]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[Billy Wilder]] from the novel by [[w:Ketti Frings|Ketti Frings]]
** ''[[How Green Was My Valley (film)|How Green Was My Valley]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Philip Dunne (writer)|Philip Dunne]] from [[w:How Green Was My Valley|the novel]] by [[w:Richard Llewellyn|Richard Llewellyn]]
** ''[[The Little Foxes (film)|The Little Foxes]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Lillian Hellman]] from [[w:The Little Foxes|her own play]]
** ''[[The Maltese Falcon (1941 film)|The Maltese Falcon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Huston|John Huston]] from [[w:The Maltese Falcon (novel)|the novel]] by [[Dashiell Hammett]]

*'''1942 ''[[Mrs. Miniver (film)|Mrs. Miniver]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Froeschel|George Froeschel]], [[James Hilton (novelist)|James Hilton]], [[w:Claudine West|Claudine West]], [[w:Arthur Wimperis|Arthur Wimperis]] based on newspaper columns by [[Jan Struther]]'''
** ''[[49th Parallel (film)|49th Parallel]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Rodney Ackland|Rodney Ackland]], [[w:Emeric Pressburger|Emeric Pressburger]] from the story by [[w:Emeric Pressburger|Emeric Pressburger]]
** ''[[The Pride of the Yankees]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Herman J. Mankiewicz]], [[w:Jo Swerling|Jo Swerling]] from the story by [[Paul Gallico]] 
** ''[[Random Harvest (film)|Random Harvest]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Froeschel|George Froeschel]], [[w:Claudine West|Claudine West]], [[w:Arthur Wimperis|Arthur Wimperis]] from [[w:Random Harvest|the novel]] by [[James Hilton (novelist)|James Hilton]]
** ''[[The Talk of the Town (1942 film)|The Talk of the Town]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sidney Buchman|Sidney Buchman]], [[Irwin Shaw]] from the story by [[w:Sidney Harmon|Sidney Harmon]]

*'''1943 ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Philip Epstein|Philip Epstein]], [[w:Julius J. Epstein|Julius J. Epstein]], [[w:Howard Koch (screenwriter)|Howard Koch]] from the play ''[[w:Everybody Comes to Rick's|Everybody Comes to Rick's]]'' by Murray Burnett and Joan Alison'''
** ''[[Holy Matrimony (1943 film)|Holy Matrimony]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nunnally Johnson|Nunnally Johnson]] from the novel ''[[w:Buried Alive (novel)|Buried Alive]]'' by [[Arnold Bennett]]
** ''[[The More the Merrier]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Richard Flournoy, [[w:Lewis R. Foster|Lewis R. Foster]], [[w:Frank Ross (producer)|Frank Ross]], [[w:Robert W. Russell|Robert W. Russell]] from the story by Ross and Russell
** ''[[The Song of Bernadette (film)|The Song of Bernadette]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Seaton|George Seaton]] from [[w:The Song of Bernadette (novel)|the novel]] by [[Franz Werfel]]
** ''[[Watch on the Rhine]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Dashiell Hammett]] from [[w:Watch on the Rhine (play)|the play]] by [[Lillian Hellman]]

*'''1944 ''[[Going My Way]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Butler (writer)|Frank Butler]], [[w:Frank Cavett|Frank Cavett]] from the story by [[w:Leo McCarey|Leo McCarey]]'''
** ''[[Double Indemnity (film)|Double Indemnity]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Billy Wilder]], [[Raymond Chandler]] from the novel ''[[w:Double Indemnity (novel)|Double Indemnity in Three of a Kind]]'' by [[James M. Cain]]
** ''[[Gaslight (1944 film)|Gaslight]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Van Druten|John Van Druten]], [[w:Walter Reisch|Walter Reisch]], [[w:John L. Balderston|John L. Balderston]] from the play ''[[w:Gas Light|Gas Light]]'' by [[w:Patrick Hamilton (writer)|Patrick Hamilton]]  
** ''[[Laura (1944 film)|Laura]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jay Dratler|Jay Dratler]], [[Samuel Hoffenstein]], [[w:Elizabeth Reinhardt|Elizabeth Reinhardt]] from [[w:Laura (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Vera Caspary|Vera Caspary]]
** ''[[Meet Me in St. Louis]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Irving Brecher|Irving Brecher]], [[w:Fred F. Finklehoffe|Fred F. Finklehoffe]] from [[w:Meet Me in St. Louis (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Sally Benson|Sally Benson]]

*'''1945 ''[[The Lost Weekend]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[Billy Wilder]] from [[w:The Lost Weekend (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Charles R. Jackson|Charles R. Jackson]]'''
** ''[[The Story of G.I. Joe]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Leopold Atlas, [[w:Guy Endore|Guy Endore]], [[w:Philip Stevenson|Philip Stevenson]] from the memoirs ''Brave Men'' and ''Here Is Your War'' by [[w:Ernie Pyle|Ernie Pyle]]
** ''[[Mildred Pierce (film)|Mildred Pierce]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ranald MacDougall|Ranald MacDougall]] from [[w:Mildred Pierce|the novel]] by [[James M. Cain]]
** ''[[Pride of the Marines]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Maltz|Albert Maltz]] from the book ''Al Schmid, Marine'' by Roger Butterfield
** ''[[A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945 film)|A Tree Grows in Brooklyn]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Frank Davis, [[w:Tess Slesinger|Tess Slesinger]] from [[w:A Tree Grows in Broklyn (novel)|the novel]] by [[Betty Smith]]
 
*'''1946 ''[[The Best Years of Our Lives]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Robert E. Sherwood]] from the novella ''Glory for Me'' by [[w:MacKinlay Kantor|MacKinlay Kantor]]'''
** ''[[Anna and the King of Siam (film)|Anna and the King of Siam]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sally Benson|Sally Benson]], [[w:Talbot Jennings|Talbot Jennings]] from [[w:Anna and the King of Siam (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Margaret Landon|Margaret Landon]]
** ''[[Brief Encounter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony Havelock-Allan|Anthony Havelock-Allan]], [[w:David Lean|David Lean]], [[w:Ronald Neame|Ronald Neame]] from the play ''[[w:Still Life (play)|Still Life]]'' by [[Noel Coward]]
** ''[[The Killers (1946 film)|The Killers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony Veiller|Anthony Veiller]] from [[w:The Killers (Hemingway short story)|the short story]] by [[Ernest Hemingway]]
** ''[[Rome, Open City]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sergio Amidei|Sergio Amidei]], [[Federico Fellini]] from the story by Sergio Amidei, Alberto Consiglio

*'''1947 ''[[Miracle on 34th Street]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Seaton|George Seaton]] from [[w:Miracle on 34th Street (novella)|the story]] by [[w:Valentine Davies|Valentine Davies]]'''
** ''[[Boomerang (1947 film)|Boomerang]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Murphy (screenwriter)|Richard Murphy]] based on the article &quot;The Perfect Case&quot; by [[w:Fulton Oursler|Anthony Abbot]] (pseudonym of Fulton Oursler)
** ''[[Crossfire (film)|Crossfire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Paxton|John Paxton]] from the novel ''The Brick Foxhole'' by [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]]
** ''[[Gentleman's Agreement]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Moss Hart|Moss Hart]] from [[w:Gentlemen's Agreement (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Laura Z. Hobson|Laura Z. Hobson]]
** ''[[Great Expectations (1946 film)|Great Expectations]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Lean|David Lean]], [[w:Ronald Neame|Ronald Neame]], [[w:Anthony Havelock-Allan|Anthony Havelock-Allan]] from [[Great Expectations|the novel]] by [[Charles Dickens]]

*'''1948 ''[[The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (film)|The Treasure of the Sierra Madre]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Huston|John Huston]] from [[w:The Treasure of the Sierra Madre|the novel]] by [[B. Traven]]'''
** ''[[A Foreign Affair]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Brackett|Charles Brackett]], [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:Richard L. Breen|Richard L. Breen]], adapted by Robert Harari from a story by David Shaw
** ''[[Johnny Belinda (1948 film)|Johnny Belinda]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Irmgard von Cube|Irmgard von Cube]], [[w:Allen Vincent|Allen Vincent]] from [[w:Johnny Belinda (play)|the play]] by [[w:Elmer Blaney Harris|Elmer Blaney Harris]]
** ''[[The Search (1948 film)|The Search]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Schweizer|Richard Schweizer]], David Wechsler from their story
** ''[[The Snake Pit]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Partos|Frank Partos]], [[w:Millen Brand|Millen Brand]] from the novel by [[w:Mary Jane Ward|Mary Jane Ward]]

*'''1949 ''[[A Letter to Three Wives]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Joseph L. Mankiewicz]] from the novel by John Klempner'''
** ''[[All the King's Men (1949 film)|All the King's Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Rossen|Robert Rossen]] from [[w:All the King's Men|the novel]] by [[Robert Penn Warren]]
** ''[[The Bicycle Thief]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Cesare Zavattini|Cesare Zavattini]] from the novel by [[w:Luigi Bartolini|Luigi Bartolini]]
** ''[[Champion (1949 film)|Champion]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]] from the short story by [[w:Ring Lardner Jr.|Ring Lardner Jr.]]
** ''[[The Fallen Idol (film)|The Fallen Idol]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Graham Greene]] from his short story &quot;The Basement Room&quot;

===1950s===
*'''1950 ''[[All About Eve]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Joseph L. Mankiewicz]] from the short story &quot;The Wisdom of Eve&quot; by [[w:Mary Orr|Mary Orr]]'''
** ''[[The Asphalt Jungle]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ben Maddow|Ben Maddow]], [[w:John Huston|John Huston]] from the novel by [[w:W.R. Burnett|W.R. Burnett]]
** ''[[Born Yesterday (1950 film)|Born Yesterday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Mannheimer|Albert Mannheimer]], from [[w:Born Yesterday (play)|the play]] by [[w:Garson Kanin|Garson Kanin]]
** ''[[Broken Arrow (1950 film)|Broken Arrow]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Maltz|Albert Maltz]] from the novel ''Blood Brother'' by [[w:Elliott Arnold|Elliott Arnold]]
** ''[[Father of the Bride (1950 film)|Father of the Bride]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frances Goodrich|Frances Goodrich]], [[w:Albert Hackett|Albert Hackett]] from [[w:Father of the Bride (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Edward Streeter|Edward Streeter]]

*'''1951 ''[[A Place in the Sun (1951 film)|A Place in the Sun]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harry Brown (writer)|Harry Brown]], [[w:Michael Wilson (writer)|Michael Wilson]] from the novel ''[[w:An American Tragedy|An American Tragedy]]'' by [[Theodore Dreiser]] and the play by [[w:Patrick Kearney|Patrick Kearney]]'''
** ''[[The African Queen]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Agee|James Agee]], [[w:John Huston|John Huston]] from [[w:The African Queen (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:C.S. Forester|C.S. Forester]]
** ''[[Detective Story (1951 film)|Detective Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Wyler|Robert Wyler]], [[w:Philip Yordan|Philip Yordan]] from [[w:Detective Story (play)|the play]] by [[w:Sidney Kingsley|Sidney Kingsley]]
** ''[[La Ronde (1950 film)|La Ronde]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jacques Natanson|Jacques Natanson]], [[w:Max Ophüls|Max Ophüls]] from [[w:La Ronde (play)|the play]] by [[w:Arthur Schnitzler|Arthur Schnitzler]]
** ''[[A Streetcar Named Desire (1951 film)|A Streetcar Named Desire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Tennessee Williams]], from [[w:A Streetcar Named Desire|his play]]

*'''1952 ''[[The Bad and the Beautiful]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charles Schnee|Charles Schnee]] from the story &quot;Of Good and Evil&quot; by [[w:George Bradshaw (writer)|George Bradshaw]]'''
** ''[[5 Fingers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Wilson (writer)|Michael Wilson]] from the novel ''Operation Cicero'' by [[w:Ludwig Carl Moyzisch|Ludwig Carl Moyzisch]]
** ''[[High Noon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]] from the short story &quot;The Tin Star&quot; by [[w:John W. Cunningham|John W. Cunningham]]
** ''[[The Man in the White Suit]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Dighton|John Dighton]], [[w:Roger MacDougall|Roger MacDougall]], [[w:Alexander Mackendrick|Alexander Mackendrick]] from a story by Roger MacDougall
** ''[[The Quiet Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Nugent|Frank Nugent]], from the story by [[w:Maurice Walsh|Maurice Walsh]]

*'''1953 ''[[From Here to Eternity]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Daniel Taradash|Daniel Taradash]] from [[w:From Here to Eternity (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:James Jones (author)|James Jones]]'''
** ''[[The Cruel Sea (1953 film)|The Cruel Sea]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eric Ambler|Eric Ambler]] from [[w:The Cruel Sea (novel)|the novel]] by [[Nicholas Monsarrat]]
** ''[[Lili (1953 film)|Lili]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Helen Deutsch|Helen Deutsch]] from the short story &quot;The Man Who Hated People&quot; by [[Paul Gallico]]
** ''[[Roman Holiday]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ian McLellan Hunter|Ian McLellan Hunter]], [[w:John Dighton|John Dighton]] from the story by [[Dalton Trumbo]] (front: Ian McLellan Hunter)
** ''[[Shane (film)|Shane]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:A.B. Guthrie Jr.|A.B. Guthrie Jr.]] from [[w:Shane (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Jack Schaefer|Jack Schaefer]]

*'''1954 ''[[The Country Girl (1954 film)|The Country Girl]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Seaton|George Seaton]] from [[w:The Country Girl (1950 play)|the play]] by [[Clifford Odets]]'''
** ''[[The Caine Mutiny (1954 film)|The Caine Mutiny]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stanley Roberts (screenwriter)Stanley Roberts]] from [[w:The Caine Mutiny|the novel]] by [[Herman Wouk]]
** ''[[Rear Window]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Michael Hayes|John Michael Hayes]] from the short story &quot;It Had to Be Murder&quot; by [[w:Cornell Woolrich|Cornell Woolrich]]
** ''[[Sabrina (1954 film)|Sabrina]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:Samuel A. Taylor|Samuel A. Taylor]], [[w:Ernest Lehman|Ernest Lehman]] from the play ''[[w:Sabrina Fair|Sabrina Fair]]'' by Samuel A. Taylor
** ''[[Seven Brides for Seven Brothers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Albert Hackett|Albert Hackett]], [[w:Frances Goodrich|Frances Goodrich]], [[w:Dorothy Kingsley|Dorothy Kingsley]] from the short story &quot;The Sobbin' Women&quot; by [[Stephen Vincent Benét]]

*'''1955 ''[[Marty (film)|Marty]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Paddy Chayefsky]] based on [[w:Marty (The Philco Television Playhouse)|his teleplay]] on ''[[w:The Philco Television Playhouse|The Philco Television Playhouse]]'''''
** ''[[Bad Day at Black Rock]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Millard Kaufman|Millard Kaufman]] from the story story &quot;Bad Time at Honda&quot; by [[w:Howard Breslin|Howard Breslin]]
** ''[[Blackboard Jungle]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]] from the novel by [[Evan Hunter]]
** ''[[East of Eden (film)|East of Eden]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Osborn|Paul Osborn]] from [[w:East of Eden (novel)|the novel]] by [[John Steinbeck]]
** ''[[Love Me or Leave Me (film)|Love Me or Leave Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Daniel Fuchs|Daniel Fuchs]], [[w:Isobel Lennart|Isobel Lennart]] from a story by Daniel Fuchs

For 1956 the Category was renamed Screenplay--Adapted:
*'''1956 ''[[Around the World in 80 Days (1956 film)|Around the World in 80 Days]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Farrow|John Farrow]], [[w:S. J. Perelman|S. J. Perelman]], [[w:James Poe|James Poe]] from [[w:Around the World in Eighty Days|the novel]] by [[Jules Verne]]'''
** ''[[Baby Doll]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Tennessee Williams]] from his one act plays ''[[w:List of one-act plays by Tennessee Williams#27 Wagons Full of Cotton|27 Wagons Full of Cotton]]'' &amp; ''[[w:List of one-act plays by Tennessee Williams#The Long Stay Cut Short, or The Unsatisfactory Supper|The Long Stay Cut Short, or The Unsatisfactory Supper]]''
** ''[[Friendly Persuasion (1956 film)|Friendly Persuasion]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Wilson (writer)|Michael Wilson]] from [[w:The Friendly Persuasion|the novel]] by [[w:Jessamyn West (writer)|Jessamyn West]]  
***Note: Early in 1956, the name of screenwriter [[w:Michael Wilson (screenwriter)|Michael Wilson]] - a former Oscar winner - had been deleted from the credits of ''Friendly Persuasion'' by Allied Artists, the film's distributor, based on a 1952 agreement between the [[w:Screen Writers Guild|Screen Writers Guild]] and various production companies to exclude suspected communists.
** ''[[Giant (1956 film)|Giant]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fred Guiol|Fred Guiol]], [[w:Ivan Moffat|Ivan Moffat]] from the novel by [[Edna Ferber]]
** ''[[Lust for Life (1956 film)|Lust for Life]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Norman Corwin|Norman Corwin]] from [[w:Lust for Life (novel)|the novel]] by [[Irving Stone]]

For 1957 the category was renamed Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium:
*'''1957 ''[[The Bridge on the River Kwai]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]], [[w:Michael Wilson (writer)|Michael Wilson]] (front: [[w:Pierre Boulle|Pierre Boulle]]) based on ''[[w:The Bridge over the River Kwai]]'' by [[w:Pierre Boulle|Pierre Boulle]]''' 
**Note: Though Pierre Boulle received official screen credit, it was commonly known that blacklisted writers Carl Foreman and Michael Wilson wrote the screenplay based on Boulle's novel (translated from the original French).
** ''[[Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Huston|John Huston]], [[w:John Lee Mahin|John Lee Mahin]] from [[w:Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Charles Shaw (writer)|Charles Shaw]]
** ''[[Peyton Place (film)|Peyton Place]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Michael Hayes|John Michael Hayes]] from [[w:Peyton Place (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Grace Metalious|Grace Metalious]]
** ''[[Sayonara]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Osborn|Paul Osborn]] from [[w:Sayonara (novel)|the novel]] by [[James Michener]]
** ''[[12 Angry Men (1957 film)|12 Angry Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Reginald Rose|Reginald Rose]] from his [[w:Twelve Angry Men (Studio One)|1954 teleplay]] 

*'''1958 ''[[Gigi (1958 film)|Gigi]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alan Jay Lerner|Alan Jay Lerner]] based on [[w:Gigi (novella)|the novella]] by [[Colette]]'''
** ''[[Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958 film)|Cat on a Hot Tin Roof]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]], [[w:James Poe|James Poe]] from [[w:Cat on a Hot Tin Roof|the play]] and short story &quot;Three Players of a Summer Game&quot; by [[Tennessee Williams]]
** ''[[The Horse's Mouth (film)|The Horse's Mouth]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Alec Guinness]] from [[w:The Horse's Mouth|the novel]] by [[Joyce Cary]]
** ''[[I Want to Live!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nelson Gidding|Nelson Gidding]], [[w:Don Mankiewicz|Don Mankiewicz]] from the letters by [[w:Barbara Graham|Barbara Graham]] and the articles by [[w:Edward S. Montgomery|Edward S. Montgomery]]
** ''[[Separate Tables (film)|Separate Tables]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Gay]], [[Terence Rattigan]] from [[w:Separate Tables|the play]] by [[Terence Rattigan]]

*'''1959 ''[[Room at the Top (1958 film)|Room at the Top]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Neil Paterson (writer)|Neil Paterson]] from [[w:Room at the Top (novel)|the novel]] by [[John Braine]]'''
** ''[[Anatomy of a Murder]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Wendell Mayes|Wendell Mayes]] from the novel by [[w:Robert Traver|Robert Traver]] (pseudonym of [[w:John D. Voelker|John D. Voelker]])
** ''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)|Ben-Hur]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Karl Tunberg|Karl Tunberg]] from the novel ''[[w:Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ|Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ]]'' by [[Lew Wallace]]
** ''[[The Nun's Story (film)|The Nun's Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Anderson (playwright)|Robert Anderson]] from [[w:The Nun's Story|the novel]] by [[w:Kathryn Hulme|Kathryn Hulme]]
** ''[[Some Like it Hot]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Billy Wilder]], [[w:I.A.L. Diamond|I.A.L. Diamond]] from the 1935 French film ''[[w:Fanfare of Love|Fanfare of Love]]'', written by Max Bronnet, Michael Logan, [[w:Pierre Prévert|Pierre Prévert]], [[w:René Pujol|René Pujol]] and [[w:Robert Thoeren|Robert Thoeren]] &amp; the 1951 German remake ''[[w:Fanfares of Love|Fanfares of Love]]'', written by Logan, Thoeren, and [[w:Heinz Pauck|Heinz Pauck]]

===1960s===
*'''1960 ''[[Elmer Gantry (film)|Elmer Gantry]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]] from [[w:Elmer Gantry|the novel]] by [[Sinclair Lewis]]'''
** ''[[Inherit the Wind]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nedrick Young|Nedrick Young]] (front: [[w:Nathan E. Douglas|Nathan E. Douglas]]), [[w:Harold Jacob Smith|Harold Jacob Smith]] from [[w:Inherit the Wind (play)|the play]] by [[w:Jerome Lawrence|Jerome Lawrence]], [[w:Robert E. Lee (playwright)|Robert E. Lee]] 
***Note: Upon request of his widow and upon recommendation of the Writers Branch Executive Committee, the Board of Governors voted to restore the name of Nedrick Young to the nomination presented to Nathan E. Douglas, which was Mr. Young's pseudonym during the blacklisting period.
** ''[[Sons and Lovers (film)|Sons and Lovers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Gavin Lambert|Gavin Lambert]], [[w:T.E.B. Clarke|T.E.B. Clarke]] from [[w:Sons and Lovers|the novel]] by [[D.H. Lawrence]]
** ''[[The Sundowners (1960 film)|The Sundowners]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Isobel Lennart|Isobel Lennart]] from [[w:The Sundowners (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Jon Cleary|Jon Cleary]]
** ''[[Tunes of Glory]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Kennaway|James Kennaway]] from [[w:Tunes of Glory (novel)|his novel]]

*'''1961 ''[[Judgment at Nuremberg]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Abby Mann|Abby Mann]] from [[w:Judgment at Nuremberg (Playhouse 90)|his teleplay]] on ''[[w:Playhouse 90|Playhouse 90]]'''''
** ''[[Breakfast at Tiffany's (film)|Breakfast at Tiffany's]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Axelrod|George Axelrod]] from [[w:Breakfast at Tiffany's (novella)|the novella]] by [[Truman Capote]]
** ''[[The Guns of Navarone (film)|The Guns of Navarone]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Carl Foreman|Carl Foreman]] from [[w:The Guns of Navarone (novel)|the novel]] by [[Alistair MacLean]]
** ''[[The Hustler]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sydney Carroll|Sydney Carroll]], [[w:Robert Rossen|Robert Rossen]] from [[w:The Hustler (novel)|the novel]] by [[Walter Tevis]]
** ''[[West Side Story (1961 film)|West Side Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernest Lehman|Ernest Lehman]] from [[w:West Side Story|the musical]] by [[w:Arthur Laurents|Arthur Laurents]]

*'''1962 ''[[To Kill a Mockingbird (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Horton Foote|Horton Foote]] from [[w:To Kill a Mockingbird|the novel]] by [[Harper Lee]]'''
** ''[[David and Lisa]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eleanor Perry|Eleanor Perry]] from the novella ''Lisa and David'' by [[w:Theodore Isaac Rubin|Theodore Isaac Rubin]]
** ''[[Lawrence of Arabia (film)|Lawrence of Arabia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Bolt|Robert Bolt]], [[w:Michael Wilson (writer)|Michael Wilson]] from the memoir ''[[w:Seven Pillars of Wisdom|Seven Pillars of Wisdom]]'' by [[T.E. Lawrence]]
** ''[[Lolita (1962 film)|Lolita]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Vladimir Nabokov]] from [[Lolita|his novel]]
** ''[[The Miracle Worker (1962 film)|The Miracle Worker]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Gibson (playwright)|William Gibson]] from [[w:The Miracle Worker (play)|his play]]

*'''1963 ''[[Tom Jones (1963 film)|Tom Jones]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Osborne]] from the novel ''[[w:The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling|The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling]]'' by [[Henry Fielding]]'''
** ''[[Captain Newman, M.D.]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard L. Breen|Richard L. Breen]], [[w:Henry Ephron|Henry Ephron]], [[w:Phoebe Ephron|Phoebe Ephron]] from the novel by [[Leo Rosten]]
** ''[[Hud (1963 film)|Hud]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Irving Ravetch|Irving Ravetch]], [[w:Harriet Frank Jr.|Harriet Frank Jr.]] from the novel ''[[w:Horseman, Pass By|Horseman, Pass By]]'' by [[Larry McMurtry]]
** ''[[Lilies of the Field (1963 film)|Lilies of the Field]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Poe|James Poe]] from [[w:The Lilies of the Field (novel)|the novel]] by [[William Edmund Barrett]]
** ''[[Sundays and Cybele]] (Les dimanches de ville d'Avray)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Serge Bourguignon|Serge Bourguignon]], [[w:Bernard Eschassériaux|Bernard Eschassériaux]] from the novel ''Les Dimanches de Ville d'Avray'' by [[w:Bernard Eschassériaux|Bernard Eschassériaux]]

*'''1964 ''[[Becket (1964 film)|Becket]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edward Anhalt|Edward Anhalt]] from [[w:Becket|the play]] by [[Jean Anouilh]]'''
** ''[[Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Stanley Kubrick]], [[w:Terry Southern|Terry Southern]], [[w:Peter George (author)|Peter George]] from the novel ''[[w:Red Alert (novel)|Red Alert]]'' by Peter George
** ''[[Mary Poppins (film)|Mary Poppins]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bill Walsh (producer)|Bill Walsh]], [[w:Don DaGradi|Don DaGradi]] from [[w:Mary Poppins (book series)|the books]] by [[w:P.L. Travers|P.L. Travers]]
** ''[[My Fair Lady (film)|My Fair Lady]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alan Jay Lerner|Alan Jay Lerner]] from [[w:My Fair Lady|his musical]] and the play ''[[w:Pygmalion (play)|Pygmalion]]'' by [[George Bernard Shaw]]
** ''[[Zorba the Greek (film)|Zorba the Greek]] (Alexis Zorbas)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Cacoyannis|Michael Cacoyannis]] from [[w:Zorba the Greek|the novel]] by [[Nikos Kazantzakis]]

*'''1965 ''[[Doctor Zhivago (film)|Doctor Zhivago]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Robert Bolt]] from [[w:Doctor Zhivago|the novel]] by [[Boris Pasternak]]'''
** ''[[Cat Ballou]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Walter Newman (screenwriter)|Walter Newman]], [[w:Frank Pierson|Frank Pierson]] from the novel ''The Ballad of Cat Ballou'' by [[w:Roy Chanslor|Roy Chanslor]]
** ''[[The Collector (1965 film)|The Collector]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stanley Mann|Stanley Mann]], [[w:John Kohn|John Kohn]] from [[w:The Collector|the novel]] by [[John Fowles]]
** ''[[Ship of Fools (film)|Ship of Fools]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Abby Mann|Abby Mann]] from [[w:Ship of Fools (Porter novel)|the novel]] by [[Katherine Anne Porter]]
** ''[[A Thousand Clowns]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Herb Gardner|Herb Gardner]] from his play

*'''1966 ''[[A Man for All Seasons (1966 film)|A Man for All Seasons]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Robert Bolt]] from [[w:A Man for All Seasons (play)|his play]]'''
** ''[[Alfie (1966 film)|Alfie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bill Naughton|Bill Naughton]] from [[w:Alfie (play)|his play]]
** ''[[The Professionals (1966 film)|The Professionals]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]] from the novel ''[[w:A Mule for the Marquesa|A Mule for the Marquesa]]'' by [[w:Frank O'Rourke (writer)|Frank O'Rourke]]
** ''[[The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Rose (screenwriter)|William Rose]] from the novel ''The Off-Islanders'' by [[w:Nathaniel Benchley|Nathaniel Benchley]]
** ''[[Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (film)|Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernest Lehman|Ernest Lehman]] from [[w:Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?|the play]] by [[Edward Albee]]

*'''1967 ''[[In the Heat of the Night (film)|In the Heat of the Night]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stirling Silliphant|Stirling Silliphant]] from [[w:In the Heat of the Night (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:John Ball (novelist)|John Ball]]'''
** ''[[Cool Hand Luke]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Donn Pearce|Donn Pearce]], [[w:Frank Pierson|Frank Pierson]] from [[w:Cool Hand Luke (novel)|the novel]] by Donn Pearce
** ''[[The Graduate]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Calder Willingham|Calder Willingham]], [[w:Buck Henry|Buck Henry]] from [[w:The Graduate (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Charles Webb|Charles Webb]]
** ''[[In Cold Blood (film)|In Cold Blood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Brooks|Richard Brooks]] from [[w:In Cold Blood|the novel]] by [[Truman Capote]]
** ''[[Ulysses (1967 film)|Ulysses]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Joseph Strick|Joseph Strick]], [[w:Fred Haines|Fred Haines]] from [[w:Ulysses (novel)|the novel]] by [[James Joyce]]

*'''1968 ''[[The Lion in Winter (1968 film)|The Lion in Winter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Goldman|James Goldman]] from [[w:The Lion in Winter|his play]]'''
** ''[[The Odd Couple (film)|The Odd Couple]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Neil Simon]] from [[w:The Odd Couple (play)|his play]]
** ''[[Oliver! (film)|Oliver!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Vernon Harris|Vernon Harris]] from [[w:Oliver!|the musical]] by [[Lionel Bart]] and the novel ''[[Oliver Twist]]'' by [[Charles Dickens]]
** ''[[Rachel, Rachel]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stewart Stern|Stewart Stern]] from the novel ''[[w:A Jest of God|A Jest of God]]'' by [[w:Margaret Laurence|Margaret Laurence]]
** ''[[Rosemary's Baby (film)|Rosemary's Baby]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Roman Polanski]] from [[w:Rosemary's Baby (novel)|the novel]] by [[Ira Levin]]

*'''1969 ''[[Midnight Cowboy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Waldo Salt|Waldo Salt]] from [[w:Midnight Cowboy (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:James Leo Herlihy|James Leo Herlihy]]'''
** ''[[Anne of the Thousand Days]]'' &amp;nbsp;- John Hale, [[w:Bridget Boland|Bridget Boland]], Richard Sokolove from the play by [[w:Maxwell Anderson|Maxwell Anderson]]
** ''[[Goodbye, Columbus (film)|Goodbye, Columbus]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Arnold Schulman|Arnold Schulman]] from [[w:Goodbye, Columbus|the novella]] by [[Philip Roth]]
** ''[[They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (film)|They Shoot Horses, Don't They?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Poe|James Poe]], [[w:Robert E. Thompson (screenwriter)|Robert E. Thompson]] from [[w:They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Horace McCoy|Horace McCoy]]
** ''[[Z (1969 film)|Z]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jorge Semprún|Jorge Semprún]], [[w:Costa-Gavras|Costa-Gavras]] from the novel by [[w:Vassilis Vassilikos|Vassilis Vassilikos]]

===1970s===
*'''1970 ''[[MASH (film)|M*A*S*H]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ring Lardner Jr.|Ring Lardner Jr.]] from the novel ''[[w:MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors|MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors]]'' by [[w:Richard Hooker (author)|Richard Hooker]] (pen name of H. Richard Hornberger)'''
** ''[[Airport (1970 film)|Airport]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Seaton|George Seaton]] from [[w:Airport (Hailey novel)the novel]] by [[w:Arthur Hailey|Arthur Hailey]]
** ''[[I Never Sang for My Father]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Anderson (playwright)|Robert Anderson]] from his play
** ''[[Lovers and Other Strangers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Joseph Bologna|Joseph Bologna]], [[w:David Zelag Goodman|David Zelag Goodman]] [[w:Renée Taylor|Renée Taylor]] from the play by Joseph Bologna and Renée Taylor
** ''[[Women in Love (film)|Women in Love]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Larry Kramer|Larry Kramer]] from [[w:Women in Love|the novel]] by [[D.H. Lawrence]]

*'''1971 ''[[The French Connection (film)|The French Connection]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernest Tidyman|Ernest Tidyman]] from [[w:The French Connection (book)|the book]] by [[w:Robin Moore|Robin Moore]]'''
** ''[[A Clockwork Orange (film)|A Clockwork Orange]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Stanley Kubrick]] from [[w:A Clockwork Orange (novel)|the novel]] by [[Anthony Burgess]]
** ''[[The Conformist (1970 film)|The Conformist]] (Il conformista)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bernardo Bertolucci|Bernardo Bertolucci]] from [[w:The Confirmist|the novel]] by [[w:Alberto Moravia|Alberto Moravia]]
** ''[[The Garden of the Finzi-Continis (film)|The Garden of the Finzi-Continis]] (Il giardino dei Finzi-Contini)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ugo Pirro|Ugo Pirro]], Vittorio Bonicelli from [[w:The Garden of the Finzi-Continis|the novel]] by [[Giorgio Bassani]]
** ''[[The Last Picture Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Larry McMurtry]], [[w:Peter Bogdanovich|Peter Bogdanovich]] from [[w:The Last Picture Show (novel)|the novel]] by McMurtry

*'''1972 ''[[The Godfather]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Mario Puzo]], [[w:Francis Ford Coppola|Francis Ford Coppola]] from [[w:The Godfather (novel)|the novel]] by Puzo'''
** ''[[Cabaret (1972 film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jay Presson Allen|Jay Presson Allen]] from [[w:Cabaret (musical)|the musical]] by [[w:Joe Masteroff|Joe Masteroff]], the play ''[[w:I Am a Camera|I Am a Camera]]'' by [[w:John Van Druten|John Van Druten]] and the novel ''[[w:Goodbye to Berlin|Goodbye to Berlin]]'' by [[Christopher Isherwood]]
** ''[[The Emigrants (1971 film)]] (Utvandrarna)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bengt Forslund|Bengt Forslund]], [[w:Jan Troell|Jan Troell]] from the novels ''[[w:The Emigrants (Moberg novel)|The Emigrants]]'' and ''[[w:Unto a Good Land|Unto a Good Land]]'' (Invandrarna) by [[w:Vilhelm Moberg|Vilhelm Moberg]].
** ''[[Pete 'n' Tillie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Julius J. Epstein|Julius J. Epstein]] from the novella ''Witch's Milk'' by [[Peter De Vries]]
** ''[[Sounder (film)|Sounder]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lonne Elder III|Lonne Elder III]] from [[w:Sounder (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:William H. Armstrong|William H. Armstrong]]

*'''1973 ''[[The Exorcist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Peter Blatty|William Peter Blatty]] from [[w:The Exorcist (novel)|his novel]]'''
** ''[[The Last Detail]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Towne|Robert Towne]] from the novel by [[w:Darryl Ponicsan|Darryl Ponicsan]]
** ''[[The Paper Chase (film)|The Paper Chase]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Bridges|James Bridges]] from [[w:The Paper Chase (Osborn novel)|the novel]] by [[w:John Jay Osborn Jr.|John Jay Osborn Jr.]]
** ''[[Paper Moon (film)|Paper Moon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alvin Sargent|Alvin Sargent]] from the novel ''[[w:Addie Pray|Addie Pray]]'' by [[w:Joe David Brown|Joe David Brown]]
** ''[[Serpico]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Waldo Salt|Waldo Salt]], [[w:Norman Wexler|Norman Wexler]] from the book ''Serpico: The Cop Who Defied the System'' by [[w:Peter Maas|Peter Maas]]

From 1974 the Category was renamed Screenplay Adapted From Other Material: 
*'''1974 ''[[The Godfather Part II]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Francis Ford Coppola|Francis Ford Coppola]], [[Mario Puzo]] from the novel ''[[w:The Godfather (novel)|The Godfather]]'' by Puzo'''
** ''[[The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (film)|The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lionel Chetwynd|Lionel Chetwynd]], [[Mordecai Richler]] from [[w:The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (novel)|the novel]] by Richler
** ''[[Lenny (film)|Lenny]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Julian Barry|Julian Barry]] from his play
** ''[[Murder on the Orient Express (1974 film)|Murder on the Orient Express]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Dehn|Paul Dehn]] from [[w:Murder on the Orient Express|the novel]] by [[Agatha Christie]]
** ''[[Young Frankenstein]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Gene Wilder]], [[Mel Brooks]] from the novel ''[[Frankenstein]]'' by [[Mary Shelley]]

*'''1975 ''[[One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (film)|One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bo Goldman|Bo Goldman]], [[w:Laurence Hauben|Laurence Hauben]] from [[w:One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (novel)|the novel]] by [[Ken Kesey]]'''
** ''[[Barry Lyndon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Stanley Kubrick]] from the novel ''[[w:The Luck of Barry Lyndon|The Luck of Barry Lyndon]]'' by [[William Makepeace Thackeray]]
** ''[[The Man Who Would Be King (film)|The Man Who Would Be King]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Huston|John Huston]], [[w:Gladys Hill|Gladys Hill]] from [[w:The Man Who Would Be King|the short story]] by [[Rudyard Kipling]]
** ''[[Profumo di donna]] (Scent of a Woman)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ruggero Maccari|Ruggero Maccari]], [[w:Dino Risi|Dino Risi]] from the novel ''Il buio e il mare'' by [[w:Giovanni Arpino|Giovanni Arpino]]
** ''[[The Sunshine Boys (1975 film)|The Sunshine Boys]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Neil Simon]] from [[w:The Sunshine Boys|his play]]

From 1976 the category was renamed Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium
*'''1976 ''[[All the President's Men (film)|All the President's Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Goldman|William Goldman]] from [[w:All the President's Men|the book]] by [[Carl Bernstein]] and [[Bob Woodward]]'''
** ''[[Bound for Glory (1976 film)|Bound for Glory]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Getchell|Robert Getchell]] from [[w:Bound for Glory (book)|the book]] by [[Woody Guthrie]]
** ''[[Fellini's Casanova]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Federico Fellini]], [[w:Bernardino Zapponi|Bernardino Zapponi]] from the memoir ''[[w:Histoire de ma vie|Histoire de ma vie]] (The Story of My Life)'' by [[Giacomo Casanova]]
** ''[[The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (film)|The Seven-Per-Cent Solution]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nicholas Meyer|Nicholas Meyer]] from [[w:The Seven-Per-Cent Solution|his novel]]
** ''[[Voyage of the Damned]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Butler (screenwriter)|David Butler]], [[w:Steve Shagan|Steve Shagan]] from the book by [[w:Gordon Thomas (author)|Gordon Thomas]] and [[w:Max Morgan Witts|Max Morgan Witts]]

*'''1977 ''[[Julia (1977 film)|Julia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alvin Sargent|Alvin Sargent]] from the memoir ''[[w:Pentimento: A Book of Portraits|Pentimento: A Book of Portraits]]'' by [[Lillian Hellman]]'''
** ''[[Equus (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Peter Shaffer]] from [[w:Equus (play)|his play]]
** ''[[I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (film)|I Never Promised You a Rose Garden]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Gavin Lambert|Gavin Lambert]], [[w:Lewis John Carlino|Lewis John Carlino]] from [[w:I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Hannah Greene|Hannah Greene]]
** ''[[Oh, God! (film)|Oh, God!]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Larry Gelbart|Larry Gelbart]] from the novel by [[w:Avery Corman|Avery Corman]]
** ''[[That Obscure Object of Desire]] (Cet obscur objet du désir)'' - [[Luis Buñuel]], [[Jean-Claude Carrière]] from the novel ''[[w:The Woman and the Puppet|The Woman and the Puppet]] (La femme et le pantin)'' by [[Pierre Louÿs]]

*'''1978 ''[[Midnight Express (film)|Midnight Express]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Oliver Stone]] from [[w:Midnight Express (book)|the book]] by [[w:Billy Hayes (writer)|Billy Hayes]] and William Hoffer'''
** ''[[Bloodbrothers (1978 film)|Bloodbrothers]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Walter Newman (screenwriter)|Walter Newman]] from [[w:Bloodbrothers (Price novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Richard Price (writer)|Richard Price]]
** ''[[California Suite (film)|California Suite]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Neil Simon]] from [[w:California Suite|his play]]
** ''[[Heaven Can Wait (1978 film)|Heaven Can Wait]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elaine May|Elaine May]], [[w:Warren Beatty|Warren Beatty]] from the play by [[w:Harry Seagal|Harry Seagal]]
** ''[[Same Time, Next Year (film)|Same Time, Next Year]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bernard Slade|Bernard Slade]] from [[w:Same Time, Next Year (play)|his play]]

*'''1979 ''[[Kramer vs. Kramer]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]] from the novel by [[w:Avery Corman|Avery Corman]]'''
** ''[[Apocalypse Now]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Milius|John Milius]], [[w:Francis Ford Coppola|Francis Ford Coppola]] from the novel ''[[Heart of Darkness]]'' by [[Joseph Conrad]]
** ''[[La Cage aux Folles (film)|La Cage aux Folles]]'' &amp;nbsp;-Marcello Danon, [[w:Édouard Molinaro|Édouard Molinaro]], [[w:Jean Poiret|Jean Poiret]], [[w:Francis Veber|Francis Veber]] from [[w:La Cage aux Folles (play)|the play]] by Poiret
** ''[[A Little Romance]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Allan Burns|Allan Burns]] from the novel ''E=mc&lt;sup&gt;2&lt;/sup&gt; Mon Amour'' by [[w:Patrick Cauvin|Patrick Cauvin]] (pseudonym of Claude Klotz)
** ''[[Norma Rae]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[w:Harriet Frank Jr.|Harriet Frank Jr.]], [[w:Irving Ravetch|Irving Ravetch]] from the book ''Crystal Lee, a Woman of Inheritance'' by Hank Leiferman

===1980s===
*'''1980 ''[[Ordinary People]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alvin Sargent|Alvin Sargent]] from [[w:Ordinary People (Guest novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Judith Guest|Judith Guest]]'''
** ''[[Breaker Morant (film)|Breaker Morant]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jonathan Hardy|Jonathan Hardy]], [[w:David Stevens (screenwriter)|David Stevens]], [[w:Bruce Beresford|Bruce Beresford]] from [[w:Breaker Morant (play)|the play]] by [[w:Kenneth G. Ross|Kenneth G. Ross]]
** ''[[Coal Miner's Daughter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tom Rickman (writer)|Tom Rickman]] from the memoir ''Loretta Lynn: Coal Miner's Daughter'' by [[Loretta Lynn]] and [[w:George Vecsey|George Vecsey]]
** ''[[The Elephant Man (film)|The Elephant Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Christopher De Vore, [[w:Eric Bergren|Eric Bergren]], [[David Lynch]] from the book ''The Elephant Man and Other Reminiscences'' by [[w:Sir Frederick Treves, 1st Baronet|Sir Frederick Treves, 1st Baronet]] and ''The Elephant Man: A Study in Human Dignity'' by [[w:Ashley Montagu|Ashley Montagu]]
** ''[[The Stunt Man]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Lawrence B. Marcus|Lawrence B. Marcus]], [[w:Richard Rush (director)|Richard Rush]] from the novel by [[w:Paul Brodeur|Paul Brodeur]]

*'''1981 ''[[On Golden Pond (1981 film)|On Golden Pond]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ernest Thompson|Ernest Thompson]] from [[w:On Golden Pond (play)|his play]]'''
** ''[[The French Lieutenant's Woman (film)|The French Lieutenant's Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Harold Pinter]] from [[w:The French Lieutenant's Woman|the novel]] by [[John Fowles]]
** ''[[Pennies From Heaven (1981 film)|Pennies From Heaven]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Dennis Potter]] from [[w:Pennies From Heaven (TV series)|his miniseries]]
** ''[[Prince of the City]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jay Presson Allen|Jay Presson Allen]], [[w:Sidney Lumet|Sidney Lumet]] from the book ''Prince of the City: The True Story of a Cop Who Knew Too Much'' by [[w:Robert Daley|Robert Daley]]
** ''[[Ragtime (film)|Ragtime]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Weller|Michael Weller]] from [[w:Ragtime (novel)|the novel]] by [[E.L. Doctorow]]

*'''1982 ''[[Missing (1982 film)|Missing]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Constantin Costa-Gavras|Constantin Costa-Gavras]], [[w:Donald Stewart (writer)|Donald Stewart]] from the book ''The Execution of Charles Horman: An American Sacrifice'' by [[w:Thomas Hauser|Thomas Hauser]]'''
** ''[[Das Boot]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Wolfgang Petersen|Wolfgang Petersen]] from [[w:Das Boot (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Lothar-Günther Buchheim|Lothar-Günther Buchheim]]
** ''[[Sophie's Choice (film)|Sophie's Choice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alan J. Pakula|Alan J. Pakula]] from [[w:Sophie's Choice (novel)|the novel]] by [[William Styron]]
** ''[[The Verdict]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[David Mamet]] from the novel by [[w:Barry Reed|Barry Reed]]
** ''[[Victor/Victoria]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Blake Edwards]] from the film ''[[w:Victor and Victoria|Victor and Victoria]]'' by [[w:Reinhold Schünzel|Reinhold Schünzel]]

*'''1983 ''[[Terms of Endearment]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[James L. Brooks]] from [[w:Terms of Endearment (novel)|the novel]] by [[Larry McMurtry]]'''
** ''[[Betrayal (1983 film)|Betrayal]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Harold Pinter]] from [[w:Betrayal (play)|his play]]
** ''[[The Dresser (1983 film)|The Dresser]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ronald Harwood|Ronald Harwood]] from [[w:The Dresser|his play]]
** ''[[Educating Rita (film)|Educating Rita]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Willy Russell|Willy Russell]] from [[w:Educating Rita|his play]]
** ''[[Reuben, Reuben]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Julius J. Epstein|Julius J. Epstein]] from the novel by [[Peter De Vries]] and the play ''[[w:Spofford (play)|Spofford]]'' by [[w:Herman Shumlin|Herman Shumlin]]

*'''1984 ''[[Amadeus (film)|Amadeus]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Peter Shaffer]] from [[w:Amadeus (play)|the play]] by [[Peter Shaffer]]'''
** ''[[Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:P.H. Vazak|P.H. Vazak]], [[w:Michael Austin|Michael Austin]] from the novel ''[[w:Tarzan of the Apes|Tarzan of the Apes]]'' by [[Edgar Rice Burroughs]]
** ''[[The Killing Fields (film)|The Killing Fields]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bruce Robinson|Bruce Robinson]] from the article &quot;The Death and Life of Dith Pran: A Story of Cambodia&quot; by [[Sydney Schanberg]]
** ''[[A Passage to India (film)|A Passage to India]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Lean|David Lean]] from [[w:A Passage to India|the novel]] by [[E.M. Forster]]
** ''[[A Soldier's Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Charles Fuller]] from his play ''[[w:A Soldier's Play|A Soldier's Play]]''

*'''1985 ''[[Out of Africa (film)|Out of Africa]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kurt Luedtke|Kurt Luedtke]] from [[w:Out of Africa|the memoir]] by [[w:Karen Blixen|Karen Blixen]] and the books ''Silence Will Speak: A Study of the Life of Denys Finch Hatton and His Relationship With Karen Blixen'' by [[w:Errol Trzebinski|Errol Trzebinski]] &amp; ''Isak Dinesen: The Life of a Storyteller'' by [[w:Judith Thurman|Judith Thurman]]'''
** ''[[The Color Purple (1985 film)|The Color Purple]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Menno Meyjes|Menno Meyjes]] from [[w:The Color Purple|the novel]] by [[Alice Walker]]
** ''[[Kiss of the Spider Woman (1985 film)|Kiss of the Spider Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Leonard Schrader|Leonard Schrader]] from [[w:Kiss of the Spider Woman (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Manuel Puig|Manuel Puig]]
** ''[[Prizzi's Honor]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Condon|Richard Condon]], Janet Roach from [[w:Prizzi's Honor (novel)|the novel]] by Condon
** ''[[The Trip to Bountiful]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Horton Foote|Horton Foote]] from [[w:The Trip to Bountiful (play)|his play]]

*'''1986 ''[[A Room with a View (film)|A Room with a View]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Prawer Jhabvala]] from [[w:A Room with a View|the novel]] by [[E.M. Forster]]'''
** ''[[Children of a Lesser God (film)|Children of a Lesser God]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hesper Anderson|Hesper Anderson]], [[w:Mark Medoff|Mark Medoff]] from [[w:Children of a Lesser God (play)|the play]] by [[w:Mark Medoff|Mark Medoff]]
** ''[[The Color of Money]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Price (writer)|Richard Price]] from [[w:The Color of Money (novel)|the novel]] by [[Walter Tevis]]
** ''[[Crimes of the Heart (film)|Crimes of the Heart]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Beth Henley|Beth Henley]] from [w:Crimes of the Heart|her play]]
** ''[[Stand by Me (film)|Stand by Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Raynold Gideon|Raynold Gideon]], [[w:Bruce A. Evans|Bruce A. Evans]] from the novella ''[[w:The Body (King novella)|The Body]]'' by [[Stephen King]]

*'''1987 ''[[The Last Emperor]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bernardo Bertolucci|Bernardo Bertolucci]], [[w:Mark Peploe|Mark Peploe]] from the memoir ''[[w:From Emperoro to Citizen|From Emperor to Citizen: The Autobiography of Aisin-Gioro Pu Yi]]'' by [[w:Puyi]]'''
** ''[[The Dead (1987 film)|The Dead]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tony Huston|Tony Huston]] from [[w:The Dead (Joyce short story)|the short story]] by [[James Joyce]]
** ''[[Fatal Attraction]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Dearden|James Dearden]] from his television film ''[[w:Diversion (film)|Diversion]]''
** ''[[Full Metal Jacket]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Gustav Hasford|Gustav Hasford]], [[Michael Herr]], [[Stanley Kubrick]] from the novel ''[[w:The Short-Timers|The Short-Timers]]'' by Hasford
** ''[[My Life as a Dog]] (Mitt liv som hund)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Brasse Brännström|Brasse Brännström]], [[w:Per Berglund|Per Berglund]], [[w:Lasse Hallström|Lasse Hallström]], [[w:Reidar Jönsson|Reidar Jönsson]] from the novel by [[w:Reidar Jönsson|Reidar Jönsson]]

*'''1988 ''[[Dangerous Liaisons]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Christopher Hampton]] from the novel ''[[w:Les Liaisons dangereuses|Les Liaisons dangereuses]]'' by [[w:Choderlos de Laclos|Choderlos de Laclos]] and the play ''[[w:Les Liaisons Dangereuses (play)|Les Liaisons Dangereuses]]'' by [[Christopher Hampton]]'''
** ''[[The Accidental Tourist (film)|The Accidental Tourist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Galati|Frank Galati]], [[w:Lawrence Kasdan|Lawrence Kasdan]] from [[w:The Accidental Tourist|the novel]] by [[Anne Tyler]]
** ''[[Gorillas in the Mist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anna Hamilton Phelan|Anna Hamilton Phelan]], [[w:Tab Murphy|Tab Murphy]] from the article by [[w:Harold T.P. Hayes|Harold T.P. Hayes]]
** ''[[Little Dorrit (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Christine Edzard|Christine Edzard]] from [[w:Little Dorrit|the novel]] by [[Charles Dickens]]
** ''[[The Unbearable Lightness of Being (film)|The Unbearable Lightness of Being]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Jean-Claude Carrière]], [[w:Philip Kaufman|Philip Kaufman]] from [[w:The Unbearable Lightness of Being|the novel]] by [[Milan Kundera]]

*'''1989 ''[[Driving Miss Daisy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfred Uhry|Alfred Uhry]] from [[w:Driving Miss Daisy (play)|his play]]'''
** ''[[Born on the Fourth of July (film)|Born on the Fourth of July]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ron Kovic|Ron Kovic]], [[Oliver Stone]] from [[w:Born on the Fourth of July|Kovic's  memoir]]
** ''[[Enemies, a Love Story (film)|Enemies, a Love Story]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]], [[w:Roger L. Simon|Roger L. Simon]] from [[w:Enemies, a Love Story|the novel]] by [[Isaac Bashevis Singer]]
** ''[[Field of Dreams]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Phil Alden Robinson|Phil Alden Robinson]] from the novel ''[[w:Shoeless Joe (novel)|Shoeless Joe]]'' by [[w:W.P. Kinsella|W.P. Kinsella]]
** ''[[My Left Foot]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Shane Connaughton|Shane Connaughton]], [[w:Jim Sheridan|Jim Sheridan]] from [[w:My Left Foot (book)|the memoir]] by [[w:Christy Brown|Christy Brown]]

===1990s===
*'''1990 ''[[Dances with Wolves]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Blake|Michael Blake]] from [[w:Dances with Wolves (novel)|his novel]]'''
** ''[[Awakenings]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steven Zaillian|Steven Zaillian]] from [[w:Awakenings (book)|the memoir]] by [[Oliver Sacks]]
** ''[[Goodfellas]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nicholas Pileggi|Nicholas Pileggi]], [[Martin Scorsese]] from the book ''[[w:Wise Guy (book)|Wiseguy: Life in a Mafia Family]]'' by Pileggi
** ''[[The Grifters (film)|The Grifters]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Donald E. Westlake]] from [[w:The Grifters (novel)|the novel]] by [[Jim Thompson (writer)|Jim Thompson]]
** ''[[Reversal of Fortune]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nicholas Kazan|Nicholas Kazan]] from the memoir ''Reversal of Fortune: Inside the von Bülow Case'' by [[Alan Dershowitz]]

From 1991 the category became Screenplay Based on Material Previously Published or Produced:
*'''1991 ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ted Tally|Ted Tally]] from [[w:The Silence of the Lambs (novel)|the novel]] by [[Thomas Harris]]'''
** ''[[Europa Europa]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Agnieszka Holland]] from the memoir ''I Was Hitler Youth Salomon'' by [[w:Salomon Perel|Salomon Perel]]
** ''[[Fried Green Tomatoes (film)|Fried Green Tomatoes]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fannie Flagg|Fannie Flagg]], [[w:Carol Sobieski|Carol Sobieski]] from the novel ''[[w:Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe|Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe]]'' by Flagg
** ''[[JFK (film)|JFK]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Oliver Stone]], [[w:Zachary Sklar|Zachary Sklar]] from the book ''Crossfire: The Plot That Killed Kennedy'' by [[w:Jim Marrs|Jim Marrs]] and the memoir ''[[w:On the Trail of the Assassins|On the Trail of the Assassins]]'' by [[Jim Garrison]]
** ''[[The Prince of Tides]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Pat Conroy]], [[w:Becky Johnston|Becky Johnston]] from [[w:The Prince of Tides (novel)|the novel]] by Conroy

*'''1992 ''[[Howards End (film)|Howards End]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Prawer Jhabvala]] from [[w:Howards End|the novel]] by [[E.M. Forster]]'''
** ''[[Enchanted April]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Barnes|Peter Barnes]] from [[w:The Enchanted April|the novel]] by [[Elizabeth von Arnim]]
** ''[[The Player]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Michael Tolkin|Michael Tolkin]] from his novel 
** ''[[A River Runs Through It (film)|A River Runs Through It]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Friedenberg|Richard Friedenberg]] from [[w:A River Runs Through It (book)|the book]] by [[Norman Maclean]]
** ''[[Scent of a Woman (1992 film)|Scent of a Woman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bo Goldman|Bo Goldman]] from the novel ''Il Buio E Il Miele'' by [[w:Giovanni Arpino|Giovanni Arpino]] and [[w:Scent of a Woman (1974 film)|the film]] by [[w:Ruggero Maccari|Ruggero Maccari]] and [[w:Dino Risi|Dino Risi]]

*'''1993 ''[[Schindler's List]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steven Zaillian|Steven Zaillian]] from the novel ''[[w:Schindler's Ark|Schindler's Ark]]'' by [[Thomas Keneally]]'''
** ''[[The Age of Innocence (film)|The Age of Innocence]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jay Cocks|Jay Cocks]], [[Martin Scorsese]] from the [[w:The Age of Innocence|the novel]] by [[Edith Wharton]]
** ''[[In the Name of the Father (film)|In the Name of the Father]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Terry George|Terry George]], [[w:Jim Sheridan|Jim Sheridan]] from the autobiography ''Proved Innocent: The Story of Gerry Conlon of the Guildford Four'' by [[w:Gerry Conlon|Gerry Conlon]]
** ''[[The Remains of the Day (film)|The Remains of the Day]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Ruth Prawer Jhabvala]] from [[w:The Remains of the Day|the novel]] by [[Kazuo Ishiguro]]
** ''[[Shadowlands (film)|Shadowlands]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[William Nicholson]] from [[w:Shadowlands (play)|his play]] and [[w:Shadowlands (1985 film)|the television film]]

*'''1994 ''[[Forrest Gump (film)|Forrest Gump]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eric Roth]] from [[w:Forrest Gump (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Winston Groom|Winston Groom]]'''
** ''[[The Madness of King George]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Alan Bennett]] from the play ''[[w:The Madness of George III|The Madness of George III]]'' by [[Alan Bennett]]
** ''[[Nobody's Fool (1994 film)|Nobody's Fool]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Benton|Robert Benton]] from [[w:Nobody's Fool (novel)|the novel]] by [[Richard Russo]]
** ''[[Quiz Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Attanasio|Paul Attanasio]] from the book ''Remembering America: A Voice from the Sixties'' by [[w:Richard N. Goodwin|Richard N. Goodwin]]
** ''[[The Shawshank Redemption]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Darabont|Frank Darabont]] from the novella ''[[w:Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption|Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption]]'' by [[Stephen King]]

*'''1995 ''[[Sense and Sensibility (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Emma Thompson]] from [[w:Sense and Sensibility|the novel]] by [[Jane Austen]]'''
** ''[[Apollo 13 (film)|Apollo 13]]'' - [[w:William Broyles Jr.|William Broyles Jr.]], [[w:Al Reinert|Al Reinert]] from the novel ''[[w:Lost Moon|Lost Moon]]'' by [[Jim Lovell]] and [[w:Jeffrey Kluger|Jeffrey Kluger]]
** ''[[Babe (film)|Babe]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:George Miller (producer)|George Miller]], [[w:Chris Noonan|Chris Noonan]] from the novel ''[[w:The Sheep-Pig|The Sheep-Pig]]'' by [[Dick King-Smith]]
** ''[[Leaving Las Vegas]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Mike Figgis|Mike Figgis]] from [[w:Leaving Las Vegas (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:John O'Brien (novelist)|John O'Brien]]
** ''[[Il Postino: The Postman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anna Pavignano|Anna Pavignano]], [[w:Michael Radford|Michael Radford]], [[w:Furio Scarpelli|Furio Scarpelli]], [[w:Giacomo Scarpelli|Giacomo Scarpelli]], [[w:Massimo Troisi|Massimo Troisi]] from the novel ''[[w:Ardiente Paciencia|Ardiente Paciencia]]'' by [[w:Antonio Skármeta|Antonio Skármeta]]

*'''1996 ''[[Sling Blade]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Billy Bob Thornton|Billy Bob Thornton]] from the short film ''[[w:Some Folks Call It a Sling Blade|Some Folks Call It a Sling Blade]]'' by Billy Bob Thornton'''
** ''[[The Crucible (film)|The Crucible]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Arthur Miller]] from [[w:The Crucible|his play]]
** ''[[The English Patient (film)|The English Patient]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony Minghella|Anthony Minghella]] from [[w:The English Patient|the novel]] by [[w:Michael Ondaatje|Michael Ondaatje]]
** ''[[Hamlet (1996 film)|Hamlet]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kenneth Branagh|Kenneth Branagh]] from [[Hamlet|the play]] by [[William Shakespeare]]
** ''[[Trainspotting (film)|Trainspotting]]'' - [[w:John Hodge|John Hodge]] from [[w:Trainspotting (novel)|the novel]] by [[Irvine Welsh]]

*'''1997 ''[[L.A. Confidential (film)|L.A. Confidential]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Curtis Hanson|Curtis Hanson]], [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]] from [[w:L.A. Confidential|the novel]] by [[w:James Ellroy|James Ellroy]]'''
** ''[[Donnie Brasco (film)|Donnie Brasco]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Attanasio|Paul Attanasio]] from the novel ''[[w:Donnie Brasco: My Undercover Life in the Mafia|Donnie Brasco: My Undercover Life in the Mafia]]'' by [[w:Joseph D. Pistone|Joseph D. Pistone]] and [[w:Richard Woodley|Richard Woodley]]
** ''[[The Sweet Hereafter (film)|The Sweet Hereafter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Atom Egoyan|Atom Egoyan]] from [[w:The Sweet Hereafter (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Russell Banks|Russell Banks]]
** ''[[Wag the Dog]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hilary Henkin|Hilary Henkin]], [[David Mamet]] from the novel ''[[w:Wag the Dog (novel)|American Hero]]'' by [[Larry Beinhart]] 
** ''[[The Wings of the Dove (film)]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hossein Amini|Hossein Amini]] from [[w:The Wings of the Dove|the novel]] by [[Henry James]]

*'''1998 ''[[Gods and Monsters]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bill Condon|Bill Condon]] from the novel ''[[w:Father of Frankenstein|Father of Frankenstein]]'' by [[w:Christopher Bram|Christopher Bram]]'''
** ''[[Out of Sight]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Scott Frank|Scott Frank]] from [[w:Out of Sight (novel)|the novel]] by [[Elmore Leonard]]
** ''[[Primary Colors (film)|Primary Colors]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Elaine May|Elaine May]] from [[w:Primary Colors (novel)|the novel]] by [[Joe Klein]]
** ''[[A Simple Plan (film)|A Simple Plan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Scott Smith (author)|Scott Smith]] from [[w:A Simple Plan (novel)|his novel]] 
** ''[[The Thin Red Line (1998 film)|The Thin Red Line]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Terrence Malick|Terrence Malick]] from [[w:The Thin Red Line (novel)|the novel]] by [[James Jones (author)|James Jones]]

*'''1999 ''[[The Cider House Rules (film)|The Cider House Rules]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[John Irving]] from [[w:The Cider House Rules|the novel]] by [[John Irving]]'''
** ''[[Election (1999 film)|Election]]'' -&amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alexander Payne|Alexander Payne]], [[w:Jim Taylor (writer)|Jim Taylor]] from [[w:Election (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Tom Perrotta|Tom Perrotta]] 
** ''[[The Green Mile (film)|The Green Mile]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Frank Darabont|Frank Darabont]] from [[w:The Gren Mile (novel)|the novel]] by [[Stephen King]]
** ''[[The Insider (film)|The Insider]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eric Roth|Eric Roth]], [[w:Michael Mann (film director)|Michael Mann]] from the article ''The Man Who Knew Too Much'' by [[Marie Brenner]]
** ''[[The Talented Mr. Ripley (film)|The Talented Mr. Ripley]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony Minghella|Anthony Minghella]] from [[w:The Talented Mr. Ripley|the novel]] by [[Patricia Highsmith]]

===2000s===
*'''2000 ''[[Traffic (2000 film)|Traffic]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Stephen Gaghan|Stephen Gaghan]] from the teleplay ''[[w:Traffik|Traffik]]'' by [[w:Simon Moore (writer)|Simon Moore]]'''
** ''[[Chocolat (2000 film)|Chocolat]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Nelson Jacobs|Robert Nelson Jacobs]] from [[w:Chocolat (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Joanne Harris|Joanne Harris]]
** ''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Hui-Ling Wang|Hui-Ling Wang]], [[w:James Schamus|James Schamus]] and [[w:Kuo Jung Tsai|Kuo Jung Tsai]] from [[w:Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon )novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Du Lu Wang|Du Lu Wang]]
** ''[[O Brother, Where Art Thou?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ethan Coen|Ethan Coen]] and [[w:Joel Coen|Joel Coen]] from the poem ''[[w:Odyssey|Odyssey]]'' by [[Homer]]
** ''[[Wonder Boys (film)|Wonder Boys]]'' - [[w:Steven Kloves|Steven Kloves]] from [[w:Wonder Boys|the novel]] by [[Michael Chabon]]

*'''2001 ''[[A Beautiful Mind (film)|A Beautiful Mind]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]] from [[w:A Beautiful Mind|the book]] by [[w:Sylvia Nasar|Sylvia Nasar]]'''
** ''[[Ghost World (film)|Ghost World]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Daniel Clowes|Daniel Clowes]] and [[w:Terry Zwigoff|Terry Zwigoff]] from [[w:Ghost World (comics)|the graphic novel]] by [[w:Daniel Clowes|Daniel Clowes]]
** ''[[In the Bedroom]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Todd Field|Todd Field]] and [[w:Robert Festinger|Robert Festinger]] from the short story &quot;[[w:Killings (short story)|Killings]]&quot; by [[Andre Dubus]]
** ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (film)|The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fran Walsh|Fran Walsh]], [[w:Philippa Boyens|Philippa Boyens]] and [[Peter Jackson]] from [[w:The Fellowship of the Ring|the novel]] by [[J.R.R. Tolkien]]
** ''[[Shrek]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ted Elliott|Ted Elliott]], [[w:Terry Rossio|Terry Rossio]], [[w:Joe Stillman|Joe Stillman]] and [[w:Roger S.H. Schulman|Roger S.H. Schulman]] from [[w:Shrek!|the children's book]] by [[w:William Steig|William Steig]] 

From 2002 the category was renamed '''Adapted Screenplay''':

*'''2002 ''[[The Pianist (2002 film)|The Pianist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ronald Harwood|Ronald Harwood]] from [[w:The Pianist (memoir)|the memoir]] by [[w:Wladyslaw Szpilman|Wladyslaw Szpilman]]'''
** ''[[About a Boy (film)|About a Boy]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Hedges|Peter Hedges]], [[w:Chris Weitz|Chris Weitz]] and [[w:Paul Weitz (filmmaker)|Paul Weitz]] from [w:About a Boy (novel)|the novel]] by [[Nick Hornby]]
** ''[[Adaptation.]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Charlie Kaufman|Charlie Kaufman]] and [[w:Donald Kaufman|Donald Kaufman]] from the book ''[[w:The Orchid Thief|The Orchid Thief]]'' by [[w:Susan Orlean|Susan Orlean]]
** ''[[Chicago (2002 film)|Chicago]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bill Condon|Bill Condon]] from [[w:Chicago (musical)|the musical]] by [[w:Maurine Dallas Watkins|Maurine Dallas Watkins]]
** ''[[The Hours (film)|The Hours]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Hare|David Hare]] from [[w:The Hours (novel)|the novel]] by [[Michael Cunningham]]

*'''2003 ''[[The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (film)|The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Fran Walsh|Fran Walsh]], [[w:Philippa Boyens|Philippa Boyens]] and [[Peter Jackson]] from [[w:The Return of the King|the novel]] by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]'''
**''[[American Splendor (film)|American Splendor]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Robert Pulcini|Robert Pulcini]] and [[w:Shari Springer Berman|Shari Springer Berman]] from the [[w:American Splendor|comic book series]] by [[w:Harvey Pekar|Harvey Pekar]] and the graphic novel ''[[w:Our Cancer Year|Our Cancer Year]]'' by [[w:Joyce Brabner|Joyce Brabner]]
**''[[City of God (film)|City of God]] (Cidade de Deus)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Braulio Mantovani|Braulio Mantovani]] from [[w:City of God (Lins novel)|the novel]] by [[Paulo Lins]]
**''[[Mystic River (film)|Mystic River]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]] from [[w:Mystic River (novel)|the novel]] by [[Dennis Lehane]]
**''[[Seabiscuit (film)|Seabiscuit]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Gary Ross]] from the book ''[[w:Seabiscuit: An American Legend|Seabiscuit: An American Legend]]'' by [[Laura Hillenbrand]]

*'''2004 ''[[Sideways]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alexander Payne|Alexander Payne]] and [[w:Jim Taylor (writer)|Jim Taylor]] from [[w:Sideways (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Rex Pickett|Rex Pickett]]'''
**''[[Before Sunset]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Linklater|Richard Linklater]], [[w:Julie Delpy|Julie Delpy]] and [[Ethan Hawke]] from a story by Richard Linklater and [[w:Kim Krizan|Kim Krizan]]
**''[[Finding Neverland]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Magee|David Magee]] from the play ''The Man Who Was Peter Pan'' by [[w:Allan Knee|Allan Knee]]
**''[[Million Dollar Baby]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Haggis|Paul Haggis]] from the short story collection ''Rope Burns: Stories from the Corner'' by [[w:F.X. Toole|F.X. Toole]]
**''[[The Motorcycle Diaries (film)|The Motorcycle Diaries]] (Diarios de motocicleta)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[José Rivera (playwright)|José Rivera]] from the books ''Traveling with Che Guevara: The Making of a Revolutionary'' by [[w:Alberto Granado|Alberto Granado]] and ''[[The Motorcycle Diaries]] (Notas de viaje)'' by [[Ernesto Guevara]]

*'''2005 ''[[Brokeback Mountain]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Larry McMurtry]] and [[w:Diana Ossana|Diana Ossana]] from [[w:Brokeback Mountain (short story)|the short story]] by [[Annie Proulx]]'''
**''[[A History of Violence (film)|A History of Violence]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Josh Olson|Josh Olson]] from the [[w:A History of Violence (comics)|graphic novel]] by [[w:John Wagner|John Wagner]] and [[w:Vince Locke|Vince Locke]]
**''[[Capote (film)|Capote]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Dan Futterman|Dan Futterman]] from the book by [[w:Gerald Clarke (writer)|Gerald Clarke]]
**''[[The Constant Gardener (film)|The Constant Gardener]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jeffrey Caine|Jeffrey Caine]] from [[w:The Constant Gardener|the novel]] by [[John le Carré]]
**''[[Munich (film)|Munich]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tony Kushner|Tony Kushner]] and [[w:Eric Roth|Eric Roth]] from the book ''[[w:Vengeance (Jonas book)|Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team]]'' by [[w:George Jonas|George Jonas]]

*'''2006 ''[[The Departed]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:William Monahan|William Monahan]] from the film ''[[w:Infernal Affairs|Infernal Affairs]]'' by [[w:Felix Chong|Felix Chong]] and [[w:Alan MAk (director)|Alan Mak]]''' 
**''[[Borat|Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Sacha Baron Cohen]], [[w:Peter Baynham|Peter Baynham]], [[w:Anthony Hines|Anthony Hines]], [[w:Dan Mazer|Dan Mazer]] and [[w:Todd Phillips|Todd Phillips]] from the character [[w:Borat Sagdiyev|Borat Sagdiyev]] from the TV series ''[[w:Da Ali G Show|Da Ali G Show]]''
**''[[Children of Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Alfonso Cuarón|Alfonso Cuarón]], Timothy J. Sexton, [[w:David Arata|David Arata]], [[w:Mark Fergus &amp; Hawk Ostby|Mark Fergus &amp; Hawk Ostby]] from the novel ''[[The Children of Men]]'' by [[P. D. James]]
**''[[Notes on a Scandal (film)|Notes on a Scandal]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Patrick Marber]] from [[w:Notes on a Scandal|the novel]] by [[w:Zoë Heller|Zoë Heller]]
**''[[Little Children (film)|Little Children]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Todd Field|Todd Field]] and [[w:Tom Perrotta|Tom Perrotta]] from [[w:Little Children (novel)|the novel]] by Tom Perrotta

*'''2007 ''[[No Country for Old Men (film)|No Country for Old Men]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ethan Coen|Ethan Coen]] and [[w:Joel Coen|Joel Coen]] from [[No Country for Old Men|the novel]] by [[Cormac McCarthy]]'''
**''[[Atonement (film)|Atonement]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Christopher Hampton]] from [[w:Atonement (novel)|the novel]] by [[Ian McEwan]]
**''[[Away from Her]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]] from the short story &quot;The Bear Came Over the Mountain&quot; by [[Alice Munro]]
**''[[The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (film)|The Diving Bell and the Butterfly]] (Le scaphandre et le papillon)'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ronald Harwood|Ronald Harwood]] from [[w:The Diving Bell and the Butterfly|the memoir]] by [[Jean-Dominique Bauby]]
**''[[There Will Be Blood]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]] from the novel ''[[w:Oil!|Oil!]]'' by [[Upton Sinclair]]

*'''2008 ''[[Slumdog Millionaire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Simon Beaufoy|Simon Beaufoy]] from the novel ''[[w:Q &amp; A (novel|Q &amp; A]]'' by [[w:Vikras Swarup|Vikras Swarup]]'''
**''[[The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)|The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eric Roth|Eric Roth]], [[w:Robin Swicord|Robin Swicord]] from [[w:The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (short story)|the short story]] by [[F. Scott Fitzgerald]]
**''[[Doubt (2008 film)|Doubt]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Patrick Shanley|John Patrick Shanley]] from his play ''[[w:Doubt: A Parable|Doubt: A Parable]]''
**''[[Frost/Nixon (film)|Frost/Nixon]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Morgan|Peter Morgan]] from [[w:Frost/Nixon (play)|his play]]
**''[[The Reader (film)|The Reader]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:David Hare (playwright)|David Hare]] from [[w:The Reader|the novel]] by [[w:Bernhard Schlink|Bernhard Schlink]]

*'''2009 ''[[Precious: Based on the Novel &quot;Push&quot; by Sapphire]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Geoffrey Fletcher|Geoffrey Fletcher]] from ''[[w:Push (novel)|Push]]'' by [[w:Sapphire (author)|Sapphire]]'''
**''[[District 9]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Neill Blomkamp|Neill Blomkamp]] and [[w:Terri Tatchell|Terri Tatchell]] from the short film ''Alive in Joburg'' by Blomkamp
**''[[An Education]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Nick Hornby]] from the memoir by [[w:Lynn Barber|Lynn Barber]]
**''[[In the Loop (film)|In the Loop]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jesse Armstrong|Jesse Armstrong]], [[w:Simon Blackwell|Simon Blackwell]], [[w:Armando Ianucci|Armando Ianucci]] and [[w:Tony Roche|Tony Roche]] from the character [[w:Malcolm Tucker|Malcolm Tucker]] in ''[[The Thick of It]]'' created by Iannucci
**''[[Up in the Air (film)|Up in the Air]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jason Reitman|Jason Reitman]] and [[w:Sheldon Turner|Sheldon Turner]] from ''[[w:Up in the Air (novel)|the novel]]'' by [[w:Walter Kirn|Walter Kirn]]

===2010s===
*'''2010 ''[[The  Social Network]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[Aaron Sorkin]] from ''[[w:The Accidental Billionaires|The Accidental Billionaires]]'' by [[w:Ben Mezrich|Ben Mezrich]]'''
**''[[127 Hours]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]] and [[w:Simon Beaufoy|Simon Beaufoy]] from ''[[w:Between a Rock and a Hard Place (book)|Between a Rock and a Hard Place]]'' by [[w:Aron Ralston|Aron Ralston]]
**''[[Toy Story 3]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Michael Arndt|Michael Arndt]], [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Lee Unkrich|Lee Unkrich]]; characters based on ''[[Toy Story]]'' and ''[[Toy Story 2]]''
**''[[True Grit (2010 film)|True Grit]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[Coen brothers|Joel Coen and Ethan Coen]] from ''[[w:True Grit (novel)|True Grit]]'' by [[Charles Portis]]
**''[[Winter's Bone]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Debra Granik|Debra Granik]] and Anne Rosellini from ''Winter's Bone'' by [[w:Daniel Woodrell|Daniel Woodrell]]

*'''2011 ''[[The Descendants (film)|The Descendants]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Alexander Payne|Alexander Payne]], [[w:Nat Faxon|Nat Faxon]], and [[w:Jim Rash|Jim Rash]] from ''[[w:The Descendants (novel)|The Descendants]]'' by [[w:Kaui Hart Hemmings|Kaui Hart Hemmings]]'''
**''[[Hugo (film)|Hugo]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:John Logan (writer)|John Logan]] from ''[[w:The Invention of Hugo Cabret|The Invention of Hugo Cabret]]'' by [[w:Brian Selznick|Brian Selznick]]
**''[[The Ides of March (film)|The Ides of March]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[George Clooney]], [[w:Grant Heslov|Grant Heslov]], and [[w:Beau Willimon|Beau Willimon]] from ''[[w:Farragut North (play)|Farragut North]]'' by [[w:Beau Willimon|Beau Willimon]]
**''[[Moneyball (film)|Moneyball]]'' &amp;nbsp;– Screenplay by [[w:Steven Zaillian|Steven Zaillian]] and [[Aaron Sorkin]]; Story by [[w:Stan Chervin|Stan Chervin]] from ''[[w:Moneyball|Moneyball]]'' by [[w:Michael Lewis|Michael Lewis]]
**''[[Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (film)|Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Bridget O'Connor|Bridget O'Connor]] and [[w:Peter Straughan|Peter Straughan]] from ''[[w:Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy|Tinker]]'' by [[John le Carré]]

*'''2012 ''[[Argo (2012 film)|Argo]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]] from the book ''The Master of Disguise'' by [[w:Tony Mendez|Antonio J. Mendez]] and the book ''The Great Escape'' by [[w:Joshuah Bearman|Joshuah Bearman]]'''
**''[[Beasts of the Southern Wild]]'' &amp;nbsp;– Lucy Alibar and [[w:Benh Zeitlin|Benh Zeitlin]] from the play ''Juicy and Delicious'' by Lucy Alibar
**''[[Life of Pi (film)|Life of Pi]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:David Magee|David Magee]] from the novel ''[[w:Life of Pi|Life of Pi]]'' by [[Yann Martel]]
**''[[Lincoln (2012 film)|Lincoln]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:Tony Kushner|Tony Kushner]] from the book ''[[w:Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln|Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln]]'' by [[w:Doris Kearns Goodwin|Doris Kearns Goodwin]]
**''[[Silver Linings Playbook]]'' &amp;nbsp;– [[w:David O. Russell|David O. Russell]] from the novel ''[[w:The Silver Linings Playbook (novel)|The Silver Linings Playbook]]'' by [[w:Matthew Quick|Matthew Quick]]

*'''2013 ''[[12 Years a Slave (film)|12 Years a Slave]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:John Ridley|John Ridley]] from the book ''[[w:Twelve Years a Slave|Twelve Years a Slave]]'' by [[w:Solomon Northup|Solomon Northup]]'''
**''[[Before Midnight (film)|Before Midnight]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Richard Linklater|Richard Linklater]], [[w:Julie Delpy|Julie Delpy]], and [[Ethan Hawke]] from ''[[Before Sunrise]]'' (1995) by Richard Linklater and [[w:Kim Krizan|Kim Krizan]]
**''[[Captain Phillips (film)|Captain Phillips]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Billy Ray (screenwriter)|Billy Ray]] from the book ''[[w:A Captain's Duty|A Captain's Duty]]'' by [[w:Richard Phillips (merchant mariner)|Richard Phillips]] with Stephan Talty
**''[[Philomena (film)|Philomena]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Steve Coogan]] and [[w:Jeff Pope|Jeff Pope]] from the book ''The Lost Child of Philomena Lee'' by [[w:Martin Sixsmith|Martin Sixsmith]]
**''[[The Wolf of Wall Street (2013 film)|The Wolf of Wall Street]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Terence Winter|Terence Winter]] from the book ''The Wolf of Wall Street'' by [[w:Jordan Belfort|Jordan Belfort]]

*'''2014 ''[[The Imitation Game]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Graham Moore (Writer)|Graham Moore]] from the book ''[[w:Alan Turing: The Enigma|Alan Turing: The Enigma]]'', by [[w:Andrew Hodges|Andrew Hodges]]''' 
**''[[American Sniper (film)|American Sniper]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jason Hall (screenwriter)|Jason Hall]] from the book ''[[w:American Sniper (book)|American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History]]'' by [[w:Chris Kyle|Chris Kyle]], Scott McEwan, and Jim DeFelice.
**''[[Inherent Vice (film)|Inherent Vice]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]] from the novel ''[[w:Inherent Vice|Inherent Vice]]'' by [[Thomas Pynchon]]
**''[[The Theory of Everything (2014 film)|The Theory of Everything]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony McCarten|Anthony McCarten]] from the book ''Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen Hawking'' by [[w:Jane Wilde Hawking|Jane Wilde Hawking]]
**''[[Whiplash (2014 film)|Whiplash]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Damien Chazelle|Damien Chazelle]] from the short film ''Whiplash'' written by Damien Chazelle

*'''2015 ''[[The Big Short (film)|The Big Short]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Adam McKay|Adam McKay]] and [[w:Charles Randolph|Charles Randolph]] from the book ''[[w:The Big Short|The Big Short]]'' by [[w:Michael Lewis|Michael Lewis]] '''
**''[[Brooklyn (film)|Brooklyn]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Nick Hornby]] from the novel ''[[w:Brooklyn (novel)|Brooklyn]]'' by [[Colm Tóibín]]
**''[[Carol (film)|Carol]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Phyllis Nagy|Phyllis Nagy]] from the novel ''[[w:The Price of Salt|The Price of Salt]]'' by [[w:Patricia Highsmith|Patricia Highsmith]]
**''[[The Martian (film)|The Martian]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Drew Goddard|Drew Goddard]] from the novel ''[[w:The Martian (Weir novel)|The Martian]]'' by [[w:Andy Weir|Andy Weir]]
**''[[Room (2015 film)|Room]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Emma Donoghue|Emma Donoghue]] from the novel ''[[w:Room (novel)|Room]]'' by Emma Donoghue

*'''2016 ''[[Moonlight (2016 film)|Moonlight]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Barry Jenkins (director)|Barry Jenkins]] and [[w:Tarell Alvin McCraney|Tarell Alvin McCraney]] from ''In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue'' by [[w:Tarell Alvin McCraney|Tarell Alvin McCraney]]'''
** ''[[Arrival (film)|Arrival]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Eric Heisserer|Eric Heisserer]] from &quot;[[w:Story of Your Life|Story of Your Life]]&quot; by [[Ted Chiang]]
** ''[[Fences (film)|Fences]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:August Wilson|August Wilson]] from ''[[w:Fences (play)|Fences]]'' by August Wilson {{small|(posthumous nomination)}}
** ''[[Hidden Figures]]''&amp;nbsp;– Allison Schroeder and [[w:Theodore Melfi|Theodore Melfi]] from ''Hidden Figures'' by [[w:Margot Lee Shetterly|Margot Lee Shetterly]]
** ''[[Lion (2016 film)|Lion]]''&amp;nbsp;– [[w:Luke Davies|Luke Davies]] from ''A Long Way Home'' by [[w:Saroo Brierley|Saroo Brierley]] and [[w:Larry Buttrose|Larry Buttrose]]

*'''2017 ''[[Call Me by Your Name (film)|Call Me by Your Name]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Ivory|James Ivory]] based on [[Call Me by Your Name (novel)|the novel]] by [[André Aciman]]'''
** ''[[The Disaster Artist (film)|The Disaster Artist]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Scott Neustadter|Scott Neustadter]] and [[w:Michael H. Weber|Michael H. Weber]] based on [[w:The Disaster Artist|the book]] by [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] and [[w:Tom Bissell|Tom Bissell]] 
** ''[[Logan (film)|Logan]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[w:Scott Frank|Scott Frank]], [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]] and [[w:Michael Green (writer)|Michael Green]]; Story by James Mangold
** ''[[Molly's Game]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Aaron Sorkin]] based on the memoir by [[w:Molly Bloom (author)|Molly Bloom]]
** ''[[Mudbound (film)|Mudbound]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Virgil Williams|Virgil Williams]] and [[w:Dee Rees|Dee Rees]] based on [[w:Mudbound (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Hillary Jordan|Hillary Jordan]]

*'''2018 ''[[BlacKkKlansman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Spike Lee]], [[w:David Rabinowitz|David Rabinowitz]], [[w:Charlie Wachtel|Charlie Wachtel]] and [[w:Kevin Willmott|Kevin Willmott]], based on the memoir ''Black Klansman'' by [[w:Ron Stallworth|Ron Stallworth]]'''
** ''[[A Star Is Born (2018 film)|A Star Is Born]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Bradley Cooper|Bradley Cooper]], [[w:Will Fetters|Will Fetters]] and [[w:Eric Roth|Eric Roth]], based on the [[A Star Is Born (1954 film)|1954 film]] by [[w:Moss Hart|Moss Hart]], [[w:A Star Is Born (1976 film)|1976 film]] by [[Joan Didion]], [[w:John Gregory Dunne|John Gregory Dunne]] &amp; [[w:Frank Pierson|Frank Pierson]] &amp; [[A Star Is Born (1937 film)|1937 film]] by [[w:Robert Carson (writer)|Robert Carson]] &amp; [[w:William A. Wellman|William A. Wellman]]
** ''[[The Ballad of Buster Scruggs]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Coen brothers|Joel Coen and Ethan Coen]], based on short stories &quot;All Gold Canyon&quot; by [[Jack London]] &amp; &quot;The Gal Who Got Rattled&quot; by [[w:Stewart Edward White|Stewart Edward White]]
** ''[[If Beale Street Could Talk (film)|If Beale Street Could Talk]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Barry Jenkins|Barry Jenkins]], based on [[w:If Beale Street Could Talk|the novel]] by [[James Baldwin]]
** ''[[Can You Ever Forgive Me?]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Nicole Holofcener|Nicole Holofcener]] and [[w:Jeff Whitty|Jeff Whitty]], based on the memoir by [[w:Lee Israel|Lee Israel]]

*'''2019 ''[[Jojo Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Taika Waititi|Taika Waititi]], based on the novel ''Caging Skies'' by [[w:Christine Leunens|Christine Leunens]]'''
** ''[[The Irishman]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Steven Zaillian|Steven Zaillian]], based on the memoir ''[[w:I Heard You Paint Houses|I Heard You Paint Houses: Frank &quot;The Irishman&quot; Sheeran and Closing the Case on Jimmy Hoffa]]'' by [[Charles Brandt]]
** ''[[Joker (2019 film)|Joker]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Todd Phillips|Todd Phillips]] &amp; [[w:Scott Silver|Scott Silver]], based on [[w:Joker (character)|the character]] from the comic books by [[Bill Finger]], [[Bob Kane]] &amp; [[w:Jerry Robinson|Jerry Robinson]]
** ''[[Little Women (2019 film)|Little Women]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Greta Gerwig|Greta Gerwig]], based on [[Little Women|the novel]] by [[Louisa May Alcott]]
** ''[[The Two Popes]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Anthony McCarten|Anthony McCarten]], based on the play ''The Pope'' by McCarten

===2020s===
* '''2020''' '''''[[The Father (2020 film)|The Father]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Christopher Hampton]] and [[w:Florian Zeller|Florian Zeller]], based on [[w:Le Père|the play]] by Zeller'''
** ''[[Borat Subsequent Moviefilm]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay by [[Sacha Baron Cohen]], [[w:Peter Baynham|Peter Baynham]], [[w:Jena Friedman|Jena Friedman]], Anthony Hines, Lee Kern, [[w:Dan Mazer|Dan Mazer]], Erica Rivinoja and [[w:Dan Swimer|Dan Swimer]]; Story by Baron Cohen, Hines, Nina Pedrad and Swimer; Based on [[w:Borat Sagdiyev|the character]] by Baron Cohen
**''[[Nomadland (film)|Nomadland]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Chloé Zhao]], based on the [[w:Nomadland (book)|book]] by [[w:Jessica Bruder|Jessica Bruder]]
**''[[One Night in Miami...]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Kemp Powers|Kemp Powers]], based on his [[w:One Night in Miami|play]]
**''[[The White Tiger (2021 film)|The White Tiger]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ramin Bahrani|Ramin Bahrani]], based on the [[w:The White Tiger (Adiga novel)|novel]] by [[Aravind Adiga]]

* '''2021 ''[[CODA (2021 film)|CODA]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sian Heder|Sian Heder]], based on the film ''[[w:La Famille Bélier|La Famille Bélier]]'' by [[w:Victoria Bedos|Victoria Bedos]], [[w:Thomas Bidegain|Thomas Bidegain]], Stanislas Carré de Malberg &amp; [[w:Éric Lartigau|Éric Lartigau]]'''
** ''[[Drive My Car (film)|Drive My Car]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Ryusuke Hamaguchi|Ryusuke Hamaguchi]] &amp; Takamasa Oe, based on [[w:Men Without Women (Haruki Murakami short story collection)#&quot;Drive My Car&quot;|the short story]] by [[Haruki Murakami]]
** ''[[Dune (2021 film)|Dune]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Eric Roth|Eric Roth]], [[w:Jon Spaihts|Jon Spaihts]] &amp; [[w:Denis Villeneuve|Denis Villeneuve]], based on [[w:Dune (novel)|the novel]] by [[Frank Herbert]]
** ''[[The Lost Daughter (film)|The Lost Daughter]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Maggie Gyllenhaal]], based on [[w:The Lost Daughter (novel)|the novel]] by [[Elena Ferrante]]
** ''[[The Power of the Dog (film)|The Power of the Dog]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jane Campion|Jane Campion]], based on [[w:The Power of the Dog (Savage novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Thomas Savage (novelist)|Thomas Savage]]

* '''2022 ''[[Women Talking (film)|Women Talking]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Sarah Polley|Sarah Polley]], based on [[w:Women Talking (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Miriam Toews|Miriam Toews]]'''
** ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (2022 film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Edward Berger|Edward Berger]], [[w:Lesley Paterson|Lesley Paterson]] &amp; Ian Stokell, based on [[w:All Quiet on the Western Front|the novel]] by [[Erich Maria Remarque]]
** ''[[Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Rian Johnson]], based on the character Benoit Blanc, from the film ''[[Knives Out]]'' by Johnson
** ''[[Living (2022 film)|Living]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], based on the film ''[[Ikiru]]'' by [[w:Shinobu Hashimoto|Shinobu Hashimoto]], [[Akira Kurosawa]] &amp; [[w:Hideo Oguni|Hideo Oguni]]
** ''[[Top Gun: Maverick]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Screenplay: [[w:Ehren Kruger|Ehren Kruger]], [[w:Christopher McQuarrie|Christopher McQuarrie]] &amp; [[w:Eric Warren Singer|Eric Warren Singer]]; Story: [[w:Peter Craig|Peter Craig]] &amp; [[w:Justin Marks (writer)|Justin Marks]], based on characters from the film ''[[Top Gun]]'' by [[w:Jim Cash|Jim Cash]] &amp; [[w:Jack Epps Jr.|Jack Epps Jr.]]

* '''2023 ''[[American Fiction (film)|American Fiction]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Cord Jefferson|Cord Jefferson]]; based on the novel ''[[w:Erasure (novel)|Erasure]]'' by [[Percival Everett]]'''
** ''[[Barbie (film)|Barbie]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Greta Gerwig|Greta Gerwig]] and [[w:Noah Baumbach|Noah Baumbach]]; based on [[Barbie|characters]] created by [[w:Ruth Handler|Ruth Handler]]
** ''[[Oppenheimer (film)|Oppenheimer]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Christopher Nolan]]; based on the biography ''[[w:American Prometheus|American Prometheus]]'' by [[w:Kai Bird|Kai Bird]] and [[w:Martin J. Sherwin|Martin J. Sherwin]]
** ''[[Poor Things (film)|Poor Things]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Tony McNamara (writer)|Tony McNamara]]; based on [[w:Poor Things|the novel]] by [[w:Alisdair Gray|Alisdair Gray]]
** ''[[The Zone of Interest (film)|The Zone of Interest]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jonathan Glazer|Jonathan Glazer]]; based on [[w:The Zone of Interest|the novel]] by [[Martin Amis]]

* '''2024 ''[[Conclave (film)|Conclave]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Peter Straughan|Peter Straughan]]; based on the novel ''[[w:Conclave (novel)|Conclave]]'' by [[Robert Harris (novelist)|Robert Harris]]'''
** ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]] and [[w:Jay Cocks|Jay Cocks]]; based on the book ''Dylan Goes Electric!'' by [[w:Elijah Wald|Elijah Wald]]
** ''[[Emilia Pérez]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Jacques Audiard|Jacques Audiard]]; based on the opera libretto ''Emilia Pérez'' by [[w:Jacques Audiard|Jacques Audiard]]
** ''[[Nickel Boys]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:RaMell Ross|RaMell Ross]] and [[w:Joslyn Barnes|Joslyn Barnes]]; based on the novel ''[[w:The Nickel Boys|The Nickel Boys]]'' by [[Colson Whitehead]]
** ''[[Sing Sing (2023 film)|Sing Sing]]'' &amp;nbsp;- Greg Kwedar and Clint Bentley, story by Greg Kwedar, Clint Bentley, [[w:Clarence Maclin|Clarence Maclin]], and John &quot;Divine G&quot; Whitfield; based on the book ''The Sing Sing Follies'' by John H. Richardson

* '''2025 ''[[One Battle After Another]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Paul Thomas Anderson|Paul Thomas Anderson]], based on the novel ''[[w:Vineland|Vineland]]'' by [[Thomas Pynchon]]'''
** ''[[Bugonia (film)|Bugonia]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Will Tracy|Will Tracy]], based on the film ''[[w:Save the Green Planet!|Save the Green Planet!]]'' by [[w:Jang Joon-hwan|Jang Joon-hwan]]
** ''[[Frankenstein (2025 film)|Frankenstein]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[Guillermo del Toro]], based on [[Frankenstein|the novel]] by [[Mary Shelley]]
** ''[[Hamnet (film)|Hamnet]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Chloé Zhao|Chloé Zhao]] and [[w:Maggie O'Farrell|Maggie O'Farrell]], based on [[w:Hamnet (novel)|the novel]] by O'Farrell
** ''[[Train Dreams (film)|Train Dreams]]'' &amp;nbsp;- [[w:Clint Bentley|Clint Bentley]] and [[w:Greg Kwedar|Greg Kwedar]], based on [[w:Train Dreams|the novella]] by [[w:Denis Johnson|Denis Johnson]]

[[Category:Wikiquote]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Demolition Man (film)</title>
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      <text bytes="10666" sha1="3ewjeqt1ic0b7n97015rdhqiwi62cis" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Demolition Man (film)|Demolition Man]]''''' is a [[w:1993 in film|1993]] [[Science fiction|science fiction]] [[w:action film|action film]] directed by [[w:Marco Brambilla|Marco Brambilla]]. The film is about a wrongfully convicted police officer who is thawed out from a suspended animation prison to pursue an ultra-violent 20th century villain on the loose in a docile 21st-century society. 
:''Directed by Marco Brambilla. Written by Daniel Waters, Robert Reneau, and Peter M. Lenkov.''
{{center/s}}'''The future isn't big enough for the both of them.''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;{{center/e}}

== John Spartan ==
* When a man like Phoenix has a gun to your head, ten seconds is nine and a half seconds longer than you live.
* ''[Upon learning that commercial jingles are now considered popular music]'' Somebody put me back in the fridge.

== Edgar Friendly ==
* ''[explaining to Spartan why the Scraps live underground]'' You see, according to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy. Because I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, &quot;Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side order of gravy fries?&quot; I ''want'' high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese, okay? I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jell-O all over my body reading ''Playboy'' magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've seen the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing &quot;I'm an Oscar Mayer Wiener.&quot; You live up top, you live Cocteau's way: what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. Your other choice: come down here... and maybe starve to death.

== Dialogue ==
:''[the newly-thawed Simon Phoenix accesses a data portal]''
:'''Data Portal''': Gun. Noun. Portable firearm. This device was widely utilized in the urban wars of the late 20th century. Referred to as a &quot;pistol&quot; or &quot;piece.&quot;
:'''Simon Phoenix''': Look, I don't need a history lesson. Come on, HAL! Where are the goddamn guns?
:'''Morality Box''': ''[buzzes, issues a ticket]'' You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.
:'''Phoenix''': What? Fuck you. ''[Tosses the ticket over his shoulder]''
:'''Morality Box''': ''[buzzes, issues another ticket]'' Your repeated violation of the Verbal Morality Statute has caused me to notify the San Angeles Police Department. ''[Phoenix throws the ticket aside]'' Please remain where you are for your reprimand.
:'''Phoenix''': Yeah, right. ''[hears police sirens]'' Fuckers are fast, too. ''[Morality Box buzzes again and issues a third ticket]'' Beep! ''[crumples and throws it away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the San Angeles Museum's Hall of Violence]''
:'''Museum PA''': The Armory exhibit is now sealed. All museum patrons still occupying the facility should remain calm. Help is imminent.
:''[Phoenix blows the door open with a cannon]''
:'''Simon Phoenix''': The museum is no longer sealed, is it? ''[laughs]'' What can I say? I'm a blast from the past!
:'''John Spartan''': You shoulda stayed there.
:'''Phoenix''': Oh, boy, that voice sounds familiar. Who is that? ''[opens fire and forces Spartan to take cover]''
:'''Spartan''': Bad aim, Blondie! 
:'''Phoenix''': Spartan? John Spartan? Oh, shit, they let anybody into this century! What the hell are you doing here? ''[shoots again; Spartan grabs some guns and dives for cover]'' Simon says, &quot;Bleed!&quot;
:'''Spartan''': ''[to himself]'' Great. Just great. ''[aloud]'' You're making it too easy for me, Phoenix!
:'''Phoenix''': ''[waiting for his AcMag gun to charge up]'' Come on, you space-age piece of shit. ''[to Spartan]'' So let me get this right. They defrosted you just so you could lasso my piddly ass? Damn, you been had! I've been dreaming about killing you for 40 years. ''[shoots to distract Spartan and escapes into another exhibit hall]''
:'''Spartan''': Yeah? Well, keep dreaming!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Simon Phoenix gathers several newly thawed Cryo-Cons]''
:'''Simon Phoenix''': All right, gentlemen, let's review. The year is 2032 - that's two-zero-three-two, as in the 21st century - and I am sorry to say that the world has become a pussy-whipped, ''Brady Bunch'' version of itself, run by a bunch of robed sissies. All we have to do to run the whole thing is to kill a man named Raymond who put it all together. Ah, but there's an extra added bonus. We get to kill the man who put most of us behind the freezer. 
:'''Cryo-Con''': You mean, we get to kill John Spartan.
:'''Phoenix''': Exactly! ''[Cryo-Cons laugh and cheer]'' I want you to loot, pillage, plunder! I want you to steal! I want you to do all the wonderful things that we used to do before all of this happened! This world will be ours! Let's bring back the good old days! Are you with me? 
:'''Cryo-Cons''': YEAH! 
:'''Phoenix''': ARE YOU WITH ME? 
:'''Cryo-Cons''': YEAH! 
:'''Phoenix''': LET'S DO IT! ''[makes a toast with Cryo-Cons]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lenina Huxley''': I have been an enthusiast of your escapades for quite some time. I have, in fact, perused some newsreels from the Schwarzenegger Library, and that time that you took that car... 
:'''John Spartan''': Hold it. The Schwarzenegger Library? 
:'''Huxley''': Yes. The [[Arnold Schwarzenegger|Schwarzenegger]] Presidential Library. Wasn't he an actor when you...? 
:'''Spartan''': Stop! He was President? 
:'''Huxley''': Yes! Even though he was not born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment which states... 
:'''Spartan''': I don't wanna know... ''[incredulously]'' President...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[John Spartan, Lenina Huxley, and Alfredo Garcia enter the Scraps' underground world; Spartan buys a burger from a street vendor]''
:'''Lenina Huxley''': I think I'm going to be sick. 
:'''John Spartan''': ''[takes a bite, enjoys it]'' Oh. Oh, God...
:'''Alfredo Garcia''': ''[nauseated]'' Oh...
:'''Spartan''': This is fantastic. You guys gotta try this.
:'''Garcia''': Oh, my.
:'''Huxley''': Just don't ask where the meat comes from. 
:'''Spartan''': Huxley, what's that supposed to mean? 
:'''Huxley''': Do you see any cows around here, Detective? 
:'''Spartan''': ''[to vendor, in Spanish]'' ''¿Qué es esta carne?'' (What is this meat?)
:'''Burger vendor''': ''Esta carne es de rata.'' (This meat is from rats.) 
:'''Spartan''': ''[surprised]'' Rat. This is a rat burger. ''[vendor nods]'' Not bad! Matter of fact, this is the best burger I've had in years! 
:'''Burger vendor''': ''Gracias, señor.'' (Thank you, sir.) 
:'''Spartan''': ''[coughing, in Italian]'' ''Prego.'' (You're welcome.) See you later. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lenina Huxley and John Spartan begin using virtual-reality helmets to make love, but Spartan abruptly removes his]''
:'''Lenina Huxley''': What's wrong? You broke contact.
:'''John Spartan''': Contact? I didn't even touch you yet.
:'''Huxley''': But I thought you wanted to make love.
:'''Spartan''': Is that what you call this?
:'''Huxley''': ''[puts Spartan's helmet back on his head]'' Vir-sex has been proven to produce higher orders of alpha waves during digitized transference of sexual energies. 
:'''Spartan''': All right, Huxley, what do you say we just do it the old-fashioned way? ''[removes it again]''
:'''Huxley''': Ugh, disgusting! You mean... fluid transfer?
:'''Spartan''': No, I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka chunka...
:'''Huxley''': That is no longer done. The exchange of bodily fluids - do you know what that leads to? 
:'''Spartan''': Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge. 
:'''Huxley''': The rampant exchange of bodily fluids was one of the major reasons for the downfall of society. After AIDS, there was NRS; after NRS, there was UBT. And one of the first things that Dr. Cocteau was able to do was to outlaw and behaviorally engineer all fluid transfer out of societally acceptable behavior. Not even - not even mouth transfer's condoned. 
:'''Spartan''': Kissing's not allowed? ''[Huxley shudders at the thought]'' Damn, I was a good kisser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John Spartan''': Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
:'''Simon Phoenix''': Good memory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cocteau's facility has been destroyed]''
:'''Chief George Earle''': What will we do? How will we live?
:'''Edgar Friendly''': I'll tell you what we're gonna do... we're gonna go out drinking, get shit-faced and paint the town literally; put up graffiti, slogans... it'll be a blast!
:'''John Spartan''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm gonna tell you what you're gonna do: ''[turns to Earle]'' Why don't you get a little dirty... ''[turns to Scraps]'' ...and you, a ''lot'' clean. And somewhere in the middle... I don't know, you'll figure it out.
:'''Alfredo Garcia''': Fuckin' A!
:'''Spartan''': Well put.

==Taglines==
* The 21st Century's most dangerous cop. The 21st Century's most ruthless criminal.
* The future isn't big enough for the both of them.
* The battle begins October 4th.
* John Spartan - the world's most dangerous cop. Simon Phoenix - the world's most ruthless criminal. The 21st Century wasn't prepared for either of them...and it isn't big enough for both of them.

==Cast==
* [[w:Sylvester Stallone|Sylvester Stallone]] - Sgt. John Spartan, LAPD
* [[w:Sandra Bullock|Sandra Bullock]] - Lt. Lenina Huxley, SAPD
* [[w:Wesley Snipes|Wesley Snipes]] - Simon Phoenix
* [[w:Nigel Hawthorne|Nigel Hawthorne]] - Dr. Raymond Cocteau
* [[w:Denis Leary|Denis Leary]] - Edgar Friendly
* [[w:Bob Gunton|Bob Gunton]] - Chief George Earle, SAPD
* [[w:Benjamin Bratt|Benjamin Bratt]] - Officer Alfredo Garcia, SAPD
* [[w:Glenn Shadix|Glenn Shadix]] - Associate Bob

== Quotes about the film ==
* [About Demolition Man's predictions of the future:] What is completely spot on [...] is the idea that laws have shifted away from the protection of individual rights and any sane theory of justice towards controlling people's behavior for the 'greater good', as envisioned by this society's elites.
** &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE0MGm8duRE The Smartest 'Dumb Movie' Ever Made]&quot; (at 6m53s), ''Out of Frame'', Foundation for Economic Education on YouTube, 3 February 2022.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Demolition Man (film)}}
* {{imdb title| id=0106697| title=Demolition Man}}

[[Category:1993 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Crime films]]</text>
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[[File:Madagascar Escape 2 Africa logo.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa|Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa]]''''' is a [[w:2008 in film|2008]] American sequel to the [[w:2005 in film|2005]] film ''[[Madagascar (2005 film)|Madagascar]]'' about the continuing adventures of Alex the Lion, Gloria the Hippo, Marty the Zebra and Melman the Giraffe. Directed by [[w:Eric Darnell|Eric Darnell]] and [[w:Tom McGrath (animator)|Tom McGrath]] and written by [[w:Etan Cohen|Etan Cohen]].  It was distributed by [[w:Paramount Pictures|Paramount Pictures]] streaming on [[w:Peacock (streaming service)|Peacock]], released on [[November 7]], [[2008]]. and released to theaters by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]]. The horses from Once Upon A Wintertime did this.

{{center|'''Still Together, Still Lost!''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Zebra Herd Michael makalundwa.jpg|thumb|Look at all the zebras, like me!]]
[[File:African (Cape) Buffalo in front of Mt. Kilimanjaro, Amboseli National Park, Kenya (16819565008).jpg|thumb|I think it’s [[Africa]].]]
:''[First lines during the DreamWorks Animation logo.]''
:'''Moon Boy''': ''[suddenly, Skipper slaps]'' '''''ACK!!''''' ''[the penguins pulls and starts attacking him off-screen]'' Hey! Ooh! AHH! '''AH!!''' ''[glacier glass breaking is heard] '''AAUUGGHH!!!'''''
:''[The Penguins enters and grabs Moon Boy's fishing rod, catches a fish.]''
:'''Skipper''': Well done, boys. Looks like ice-cold sushi for breakfast. ''[They all give high-five, the film begins.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A long time ago in Africa during the 80's or 90's, a male adult lion king named Zuba was playing with his infant son Alakay (known as Alex), who is going to dance as Zuba tries to teach Alakay how to fight with a maraca that looks like a lion as a dummy.]''
:'''Zuba''': No, no, son. Over here. See the lion? Look at the lion and get the lion! ''[Sighs and grunts]'' Now, son, if you're gonna grow up and be like your daddy someday, you gotta learn how to fight.
:'''Baby Alex''': Da-da.
:'''Zuba''': ''[chuckles]'' Now, Alakay, let me show you something. OK? You see this mark? You and me are the same. When you're bigger, you'll wanna be an Alpha Lion, just like your daddy. Now let me see you fight. ''[Baby Alex growls]'' Ready? ''[But Baby Alex dances again]'' No, Alakay. No dancing! You just amuse yourself, don't you? You're a strange kid. You're a strange one. I'm... ''[Laughing as Baby Alex uses his hand move up and down of his faces]'' Now, come on, let's try it again. No, Alakay. Stop that-- Stop that right now. Doggone it!
:''[Makunga encounters Zuba in a flashback]''
:'''Makunga''': It's so disappointing when they don't grow up the way you want.
:'''Zuba''': ''[annoyed]'' Makunga! You're not challenging me again, are you?
:'''Makunga''': Look on the bright side, Zuba. After I defeat you and take your place as Alpha Lion, you need to have so much more time to spend with your pathetic excuse of a son.
:'''Zuba''': Before I kick your butt, let me ask you something: Why do you even want to become the Alpha Lion?
:'''Makunga''': I'm better looking, I have better hair, I'm deceitfully smart... and I want everyone to do what I say. We'll fight on three. One...
:'''Zuba''': Pay attention, Alakay. Daddy will show you how it's done.
:'''Makunga''': ...two, three! ''[as the two lions fight, baby Alex chases after a butterfly, then sees a long rope and chases after it too]''
:'''Zuba''': ''[after the fight]'' Who's the Alpha Lion?
:'''Makunga''': You are.
:'''Zuba''': Don't you forget it. And that, Alakay, is how you attack... ''[sees his son missing]'' Alakay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[On the signs of &quot;No Hunting&quot;, Baby Alex finally gets the rope as he sees some hunters]''
:'''Hunter #1''': That's it. Here, kitty, kitty.
:'''Hunter #2''': ''[Using his gun cock, but decides to cease fire]'' Ah! This one's a beauty. He'll be worth a few bucks.
:'''Hunter #1''': It just gets easier and easier. ''[Chuckles evilly]''
:''[The hunters put Baby Alex into a crate]''
:'''Baby Alex''': ''[Whimpering]'' Daddy!!
:'''Zuba''': Alakay! Alakay!! '''ALAKAY!!!!!!'''
:''[Zuba sees a crate and notices that Baby Alex is inside it]''
:'''Baby Alex''': Da-da!
:'''Zuba''': No! No! No! Alakay!
:''[Zuba ran on all fours chasing after the truck. He leaped on and tried to free his son.]''
:'''Baby Alex''': Daddy!
:'''Zuba''': Alakay! Daddy's got you! Hold on!
:''[When Zuba unleashes the ropes to free his son, the hunter shoots him by his ear, bleeding]''
:'''Baby Alex''': Da-da! ''[Whimpers]'' Ow! Ow!
:''[And when the truck turns around the corner, the crate fell off the truck, and Baby Alex inside the crate fell for the first time. The crate fell into the river. Zuba gets up as he clutches his ear and then he continues chasing after the truck, thinking that Alakay is still on there.]''
:'''Zuba''': '''ALAKAY!!!!!!'''
:'''Baby Alex''': Daddy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The title card appears as the music The Traveling Song by Will.I.Am begins]''
:♪I've been around the world in the pouring rain♪ ♪Feeling out of place, really feeling strange♪ ♪Take me to a place where they know my name♪ ♪'Cause I ain't met nobody that looks the same♪ ♪I'm a fish out of water, lion out of the jungle♪ ♪(He's a fish out of water, lion out of the jungle)♪ ♪I'm a fish out of water, lion out of the jungle♪ ♪(He's a fish out of water, lion out of the jungle)♪ ♪I need my peoples, my peoples, take me to my peoples♪ ♪(They got jungle fever, show him some love, show him love)♪ ♪Just gotta have someone♪ ♪Gotta have someone♪ ♪To relate to, to relate to♪ ♪I'm feeling right at home♪ ♪Feeling right at home♪ ♪Feeling right at home♪ ♪Feeling right at home♪ ♪I've found a brand new home♪ ♪See I been traveling♪ ♪Been traveling forever...♪♪
:'''Young Marty''': ''[jealous]'' I don't like the looks of this guy. 
:'''Young Gloria''' Well, I think he's kind of cute.
:'''Young Marty''' I think he's kind of a showoff.
:'''Young Melman''': Y-You think he's cute? ''[Coughs]''
:''[Baby Alex keeps dancing on the rock to the people and leaps!]''
:'''All''': Whoa!
:''[And when Baby Alex prepares a land, many years later, he became all grown up and becomes a super big star!]''
:'''Alex''': '''''ROOOOAAARRR!!!!!'''''
:''[Crowd cheers wildly as they hold up]''
:'''Announcer''': The King of New York City... Alex the Lion!
:'''Marty''': Woo-hoo! I ''still'' think he's kind of a showoff.
:'''Melman''': You gotta give it to him. The guy's an animal.
:'''Marty''': Maybe he should take a break. You know, we could all use a vacation.
:'''Gloria''': Come on, where on Earth would we go on vacation?
:'''Marty''': I don't know about you, but I want to go to Connecticut.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The scene changes to the news events of the incident in grand central station from [[Madagascar (2005 film)|first film]]]''
:'''News Anchor Woman #1''': On the loose, several animals including the world famous Alex the Lion the king of New York, escaped from the Central Park Zoo tonight. The escapees were finally cornered in Grand Central Station.
:''[Nana was being interviewed by the public.]''
:'''Nana''': He was a very bad kitty.
:''[The scene shows of taking the escaped animals from the crates on the freighter of going to Kenya before the Penguins infiltrate it of going to Antarctica, with it being a deleted scene of where the they put the escaped animals on the boat being seen.]''
:'''News Anchor Woman #2''': Animal rights activists, who convinced zoo officials to have the escaped animals sent to Africa, were stunned to learn that the shipping freighter carrying the animals was reported missing today.
:''[The scene shows some New Yorkers mourning the loss of Alex at nightfall.]''
:'''News Anchor Man''': Tonight, hundreds of New Yorkers have gathered at the Central Park Zoo to mourn the loss of their beloved zoo animals. The question on everyone's mind-- where are they now?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[And in the meantime back at the present day in Madagascar, Alex and his gang are dancing to the beat from the elevator of preparing a blast off to their home of New York by an Airplane of Air Penguin]''
:'''Alex''': I like to move it, move it
:'''Gloria''': He likes to move it, move it
:'''Marty''': She likes to move it, move it
:'''Melman''': We like to
:'''Lemur Crowd''': Move it!
:'''Marty''': Come on! Y'all know this one! It never gets stale!
:'''Melman''': We like to
:'''Lemur Crowd''': Move it!
:'''Alex''': We'll miss you little fuzz buckets! You've been a great crowd!
:'''Melman''': Glad we could introduce you to the toilet.
:'''Alex''': If you ever come look us up in Manhattan, feel free to call first. ''[watches as what two lemurs are doing]'' Seriously though, call. OK?
:'''Maurice''': Settle down, everybody. Shh! Be quiet! ''[as everyone quiets down, Maurice comes with a cake]'' You can't leave without this!
:''[King Julien pops out of the cake, King Julien Moves It is being played in the background]''
:'''King Julien''': Hey! Surprise, freaks! Shake it! Shake it. ''[Laughing]'' Look, I'm a lady! I'm a lady, everyone! I'm a lady! Not really! It's me, King Julien! Which of you is attracted to me? Hands up! ''[Laughing]'' Yes! Hey, freaks! You will be very glad to hear that I am coming with you.
:'''Alex''': ''[Chuckles]'' Oh, no, thank you.
:'''King Julien''': Yes, thank you. It's my plane! Until I return with the spoils from the new country... ''[holds Stevie the Gecko in his hand]'' Stevie will be in charge!
:''[The crowd didn't say anything]''
:'''Maurice''': I don't think they like that idea so much, Julien.
:'''King Julien''': What is that you saying, Stevie? No. ''[Gasps]'' Could we? No, you didn't say that! How is that even possible? Naughty little thing! Stevie says... ''[gibberish language of what is Stevie saying]'' [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat_cake Let them eat cake!]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mort''': King Julien, wait for me! I'm all packed! I have a whole itinerary planned!
:'''King Julien''': Oh, no! It's Mort! He's so annoying! Don't let him on. Stop that thing! He's carrying scissors and hand cream! Everybody in! Quickly, get in, get in! Get in quick!
:'''Skipper''': Struts.
:'''Kowalski''': ''[flicks the levers]'' Check.
:'''Skipper''': Flaps.
:'''Kowalski''': ''[taps on the flaps control]'' Check.
:'''Skipper''': Engine.
:'''Kowalski''': ''[turns a knob]'' Check.
:'''Skipper''': Coffee maker.
:'''Kowalski''': ''[turns on the coffee maker]'' Check.
:'''Skipper''': That's got to be the second biggest slingshot I've ever seen. But it's gonna have to do. ''[on the intercom]'' Attention. This is your captain speaking.
:''[Private is giving a safety demonstration to the passengers]''
:'''Private''': ''[shows life vest]'' In the event of a water emergency, place the vest over your head, and kiss your... ''[pulls on the red tab, causing the vest to inflate and explode]'' ...goodbye.
:'''Gloria''': New York City, here we come, baby!
:'''Skipper''': ...sit back, relax, pray to your personal god this hunk of junk flies.
:'''Alex''': Personal god. Hunk of what?
:'''Kowalski''': We are go, sir.
:'''Mort''': Open the door! I'm outside! ''[screams]''
:'''Private''': In case of a loss in cabin pressure, place the mask over your face... ''[places oxygen mask over his face, muffling his voice]'' ...To hide your terrified expression from the other passengers.
:'''Marty''': ''[showing his detached seatbelt]'' Excuse me, miss, aren't these supposed to be attached to my seat?
:'''Private''': ''[removes the mask]'' No, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skipper''': OK, boys, launch!
:'''Rico''': Hai.
:'''Lemur #1''': Launch!
:'''Lemur #2''': Launch!
:'''Lemur #3''': Launch!
:''[All lemurs release the guillotine while the gang is screaming and the plane begins to fly to New York as the lemurs celebrate. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightmare%20at%2020,000%20Feet And when the scene now goes to thunder, Alex sees a scary animal that is messing with the wires on the plane]]''
:'''Alex''': AAHH!! Gremlin!
:''[After the plane was out of the cloudy skies, it turns out that Alex had a dream, and it turned out that it was just Mort]''
:'''Alex''': ''[Sighs]'' Hey, Mort.
:'''Mort''': Hi! ''[Screams]''
:''[Alex looks to see where Mort went]''
:'''Alex''': ''[Whispering]'' That was weird.
:'''Marty''': Hey, somebody's dreaming, huh.
:'''Alex''': I think I just saw Mort on the wing of the plane.
:'''Melman''': You got Madagascar on the brain.
:''[Alex, Marty, and Gloria all talk at once]''
:'''Gloria''': I know I'm gonna miss it.
:'''Alex''': It was incredible. Yeah, I think it'll seem more fun the further we are from it.
:'''Marty''': Like when you bit me on the butt?
:''[Gloria laughs]''
:'''Alex''': I'm gonna take that thing you're holding onto and use it onstage.
:'''Marty''': Oh, really?
:'''Alex''': It's all part of my little actor's salad bar of emotional tidbits.
:'''Marty''': Are the butts next to the croutons at the salad bar?
:''[All laughing]''
:'''Alex''': You don't need to be sarcastic, Marty.
:'''Gloria''': Hey guys, you know. I was thinking. When we get back, I might sign up for the breeding program.
:'''Melman''': Breeding program?
:'''Gloria''': I think we each reach a point in our lives when we want to meet somebody. You know? Settle down, have a relationship.
:'''Marty''': I can see that.
:'''Melman''': What? ''[clears throat]'' Like dating?
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, dating.
:'''Melman''': Oth-Other... oth-other guys?
:'''Gloria''': What do you mean, other guys?
:'''Melman''': Darn it! I'm gonna...What is holding up that beverage service?! I'm gonna go check.
:'''Gloria''': ''[yawns as she is going to sleep]'' You all keep talking. I'm gonna catch a few winks.
:'''Julien''': You see that? It's so funny! Oh, I like laughing! It's such a nice experience! To laugh!
:'''Melman''': Wow!
:'''Julien''': Whoa! Sorry. Do you mind going back? This is first class. It's nothing personal. We're just better than you. Hey Maurice, I'm open! Hit me!
:'''Maurice''': He shoots, he scores!
:'''Melman''': Is that Vivaldi?
:'''Julien''': Hey, in-flight slave.
:'''Private''': Can I help you, Mr. Mankiewicz?
:'''Julien''': Bring me my nuts on a silver platter.
:'''Melman''': We just wanted to check in on the drinks we ordered.
:'''Private''': Oh, sorry. Been a little backed up.
:'''Melman''': I guess I'll go back..
:'''Julien''': Hey, what happened to your body? You're freaking me out! Can you please go over there, please? Thank you very much. What ever happened to the separation of the classes?
:'''Maurice''': Ah, I'm sure this democracy thing is just a fad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the meantime at the cockpit, a red light flashes as a buzz of warning for something wrong on the plane.]''
:'''Skipper''': We'll go out for pineapple, my bobbly-headed boobily-boo.
:''[the red bulb on the plane's fuel gauge is flashing]''
:'''Kowalski''': Skipper, look.
:'''Skipper''': Analysis.
:'''Kowalski''': It looks like a small incandescent bulb, designed to indicate something out of the ordinary, like a malfunction.
:'''Skipper''': I find it pretty and somewhat hypnotic.
:'''Kowalski''': That too, sir.
:'''Skipper''': Right. Rico, manual! ''[catches the manual and promptly smashes the bulb with it]'' Problemo solved.
:'''Kowalski''': Sir, we may be out of fuel.
:'''Skipper''': What makes you think that?
:'''Kowalski''': We've lost engine one. ''[out the left window, engine #1 sputters out]'' And engine two is no longer on fire. ''[out the right window, engine #2 stops smoking and sputters]''
:'''Skipper''': Buckle up, boys. ''[covers &quot;Doll's&quot; eyes]'' Don't look, doll, this might get hairy. ''[on the intercom]'' Attention. This is your captain speaking. I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we'll be landing immediately. Bad news is... we're crash landing. ''[the plane falls out of the sky; all, except the sleeping Gloria, and the chimps; Mason and Phil, start screaming]'' When it comes to air travel, we know you have no choice whatsoever. But thanks again for choosing Air Penguin.
:'''King Julien''': ''[laughing]'' Raise your arms, Maurice! It's more fun when you raise arms like this! ''[everything in first class, including Julien and Maurice get sucked out of the plane; deploys a parachute]'' I can fly!
:'''Alex''': This could be it, Marty! I just want you to know you are truly a one-in-a million friend!
:'''Marty''': Thanks, buddy! You're the best ever!
:'''Alex''': I know you won't mind when I tell you!
:'''Marty''': Come on! Tell me anything! Tell me what?!
:'''Alex''': I broke your iPod!
:'''Marty''': '''''WHAT?!?'''''
:'''Alex''': The buttons were so small! It made me mad!
:'''Marty''': Oh, no! The horror!!!
:'''Alex''': I'm sorry!
:'''Marty''': I'm gonna kill you, butt-bitter!! Butt-bitter!! Butt-bitter!!
:'''Alex''': It was an accident! An accident! I'm sorry! I'll get you a new one! 
:'''Melman''': I love you, Gloria! I always have! ''[Gloria is snoring, Alex, Marty, Mason, and Phil glare at Melman quizzically]'' Like... ''[sighs]'' Like you love the beach. ''[stammering]'' Or a good book. Or the beach.
:'''Skipper''': My goodness, Doll, you're shaking like a leaf. Rico! You've had your fun. Pull up. ''[Rico pulls up]'' Gear down. ''[Kowalski pulls a lever that deploys the landing gear]'' Gently now. You just want to kiss the ground. Just a little peck. A smooch. Like you're kissing your sister. ''[the landing gear breaks]'' I said kiss it!!! ''[the wings, engines, and the hull of the plane break off]'' Now just a little brake. Just a touch. A little whisper.
:'''Mason''': ''[while playing chess with Phil]'' I believe that's checkmate.
:''[Alex, Marty and Melman scream]''
:'''Skipper''': Commence emergency landing procedure! Flaps up! Deploy!
:''[Kowalski and Rico deploy the parachutes that make the plane land gently]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The plane lands slowly and touches the ground softly as the parachutes come down]''
:'''Gloria''': Oh, we're here. ''[confused]'' What in the world? What happened to the plane? What did y'all do to the plane?
:'''Melman''': ''[muffled]'' Is this thing ever working?
:'''Marty''': I'm OK. I'm alive.
:'''Melman''': ''[muffled]'' Hey, guys?
:'''Gloria''': I can't even sleep for a minute. You know what? This is not JFK. I don't think.
:'''Alex''': Wow.
:'''Skipper''': ''[as Alex watches]'' Kowalski, casualty report.
:'''Kowalski''': Two passengers unaccounted for, Skipper.
:'''Skipper''': That's a number I can live with. Good landing, boys! Who says a penguin can't fly? ''[All give a High-5!]''
:''[Alex watches Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and Private giving High 5's]''
:'''Alex''': ''[as he walks up close]'' Hey, happy slappers! Is there some reason to celebrate? Look at the plane!
:'''Skipper''': We'll fix it.
:'''Alex''': Fix it? How are you gonna fix this?
:'''Skipper''': Grit, spit and a whole lot of duct tape. We should be up and running in, say, six to nine months.
:'''Alex''': Sixty-nine months?!
:'''Skipper''': No, six '''to''' nine months. Kowalski, I say we use this setback to our advantage.
:'''Alex''': Where'd you get that number?
:'''Skipper''': I want you to reconfigure the design.
:'''Alex''': How do you estimate that?
:'''Skipper''': You! Pretty boy! Why don't you and your friends dig a latrine? Maybe find water.
:'''Alex''': Hold on a second. Who made you king of the plane wreck?
:'''Skipper''': Excuse me? ''[Rico pulls out a pocket knife]'' Fine. You can be in charge. You fix the plane.
:'''Alex''': Who gives you the authority to put me in charge?
:'''Skipper''': OK, then I'll remain in charge.
:''[Rico puts away the pocket knife]''
:'''Alex''': Yeah. That's right. You will remain in charge.
:'''Skipper''': You and your hippie friends stay out of our hair.
:'''Alex''': Correcto-mundo. Because I decided to.
:'''Skipper''': Good for you.
:'''Alex''': Well, guess what? This discussion isn't over. ''[He leaves]''
:'''Skipper''': Higher mammals! ''[Mason and Phil are still playing chess after the plane had crashed in Africa]'' You stay with us. We could use your front cortexes and opposable thumbs.
:'''Mason''': Phil! I should wash your hands out with soap.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': How in the hello are they gonna fix this plane?!
:'''Alex''': You know, grit and spit and spit. A lot of spit and grit and stick-to-it-iveness.
:'''Marty''': That don't sound too promising.
:'''Alex''': You're right. We're stuck here.
:'''Marty''': Hey, guys, as long as we're together, we'll be OK.
:'''Alex''': Yeah. Yeah. But love ain't gonna get us home, guys.
:''[The Tour Guide, who is wearing soft khaki pants, A Bill Winter long sleeve shirt, black socks and light brown shoes, pulls up in a jeep with pauristssengers.]''
:'''Tour Guide''': Behold! The lion!
:'''Alex''': Hey, it's People!
:'''Tour Guide''': There is much to see. Moving on.
:'''Alex''': Wait! People!
:'''Gloria''': Wait, wait, wait! People!
:'''Marty''': Stop! Wait! People! Hey!
:'''Melman''': They'll help us!
:'''Alex''': Hey! Wait up!
:'''Marty''': People! Stop!
:'''Gloria''': Help us!
:'''Alex''': Hey, wait! If you stop, I'll autograph those!
:'''Nana''': I know you!
:'''Alex''': You.
:'''Nana''': It's the bad kitty!
:''[Nana uses her handbag to attack Alex as he throws her out of the jeep!]''
:'''Alex''': Give me that!
:''[Alex karate yells and punches Nana]''
:'''Alex''': How do you like some of that?!
:''[Nana punches Alex as Alex still fights Nana. And for a big hit, Alex spits his tooth, while Nana spits her chattering teeth.]''
:'''Nana''': Ho, ho! Uno, dos, tres!!
:''[Nana uses a log to attack, but Alex deflects it and uses a rock.]''
:'''Alex''': Ah-ha ha!
:'''Nana''': Come in, Tokyo!
:''[Nana uses a pinch on Alex as a rock drops on his head]''
:'''Alex''': Yeow! Owww!!
:''[And Nana kicks Alex's butt, harassing Alex, and the people are cheering]''
:'''Marty''': Right in the batteries!
:'''Nana''': You think an old lady can't take care of herself? ''[Puts her chattering teeth in her mouth]'' Next time, I won't go so easy on you! Thank you, dear.
:'''Tour Guide''': Moving on!
:'''Gloria''': ''[Not realizing that the old lady was the one who harassed Alex at Grand Central Station]'' Are you out of your mind?! We need their help, and you're harassing little old ladies!?
:'''Alex''': Out of my mind? Who's out of my mind now?
:'''Marty''': See if you can get an operator.
:'''Alex''': No problem. Out of my mind. We're going home.
:'''Phone voice''': The service user has brought outside of the coverange area. Please try again later.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[looking out over the African plain]''
:'''Melman''': Oh my... Whoa. 
:'''Gloria''': Am I trippin'?
:'''Marty''': Look at all the zebras, like me! Wait a minute, where are we?
:'''Melman''': San Diego. This time I'm 40% sure.
:'''Alex''': I know this place.
:'''Marty''': I think it's Africa.
:'''Melman''': Africa?
:'''Marty''': It's gotta be. Our ancestral crib! It's in our blood, I can feel it!
:'''Alex''': No, no. It's more than that. It's like, [[Deja Vu|deja vu]], like I've...like I've been here before.
:'''Marty''': It's like Roots!
:'''Alex''': ''[dazed]'' No, no. It's like, deja vu, like I've... like I've been here before.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex''': How! How! Me Alex! Me and me friends fly, fly in great metal bird. Then plummet! Smash ground! Go boom! Then here we emerge. We offer only happiness and good greetings.
:'''Hippo''': Is he mentioning something about a plane crash?
:'''Alex''': Yeah. We just... yeah. I thought... Sorry.
:'''Stephen''': You mean you came from off the reserve?
:'''Alex''': Yeah, way off. From the Central Park Zoo, actually.
:''[A loud roar caused the zoo animals to turn. It came from a male lion named Zuba. He coughed as he cleared his throat.]''
:'''Florrie''': Don't strain yourself.
:'''Zuba''': What's going on here? What's all this hubbub?
:'''Elephant''': They say they're from off the reserve.
:'''Zuba''': That's impossible. Only people come from off the reserve.
:'''Alex''': You look familiar. Do I know you?
:'''Zuba''': How could you possibly survive the hunters?
:'''Gloria''': Hunters? We didn't see any hunters.
:'''Zuba''': What are you looking at?! 
:'''Alex''': Me? Nothing.
:'''Zuba''': This watering hole doesn't need any more mouths to feed. So skedaddle back to wherever you came from.
:'''Alex''': Okay. Well, Is there a manager we could talk to?
:'''Zuba''': Oh, I see. You're here to challenge me!
:'''Alex''': What? No! No.
:'''Zuba''': Well, that's what it looks like to me!
:'''Florrie''': Zuba! Wait.
:'''Zuba''': I'm trying to take care of business...
:'''Florrie''': Yeah, yeah, Zuba. Hold on. Alakay? Is that you?
:'''Alex''': No, it's Alex. lx. Like New York Knicks.
:'''Florrie''': ''[Noticing the mark on Alex's paw]'' Zuba, look!
:'''Alex''': Oh. I've always had that. The vet checked it out. It's kind of a beauty spot, really.
:'''Zuba''': A mark.
:'''Alex''': All right, this is a little weird.
:'''Zuba''': Honey, he's come home.
:'''Alex''': What?
:'''Zuba''': You've come home.
:'''Alex''': ''[realizes that he still has his mark since he was a cub]'' Whoa!
:'''Zuba''': ''[realizing his son is still alive]'' Son.
:'''Alex''': Dad. Mom and Dad? Mom and Dad! Mom and Dad! It's my mom and dad! I got a mom and dad!
:'''Florrie''': Our baby's alive!
:'''Marty''': ''[mistakes Alex's father on being his father too]'' Dad!
:'''Zuba''': My son! My son is home!
:''[All the animals are cheering]''
:'''Florrie''': Alakay! Alakay has come home!
:'''Makunga''': Whoo!! Whoo! Alakay! Yeah! The prodigal son returns. This is perfect!
:'''Teetsi''': ''[yawns]'' I thought you hated Zuba.
:'''Makunga''': No, I do. I do. I do. I hate him. Oh, I do. And I'm going to use Alakay, yes. I'm going to use him to get rid of Zuba once and for all!
:'''King Julien''': Giddy-up, feathered horse! Make way! 
:'''Maurice''': Make way! Move out of the way! Stand aside!
:'''King Julien''': ''[Not realizing they are in Africa]'' New York! Hmm... It's a bit of a dump. Are you sure we're not in New Jersey? Hello, New Yorkers! Your new king is here!
:'''Zuba''': This calls for a celebration!
:'''King Julien''': Maurice, I think they like me.
:'''Maurice''': You've got to love a non-hostile takeover!
:'''Animals''': Ooh! Ahh!! Chukka-chukka ahh!!
:'''Julien''': Chukka-chukka what?!?!
:'''Animals''': Chukka-chukka ahh!!
:'''Julien''': Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!! ''[laughing]''
:'''Marty''': Excuse me. I'm Marty. I'm kind of new around here.
:'''Zebras''': Hey, Marty!
:'''Marty''': You're a good-looking group! You like to run?
:'''Zebras''': Yeah. Running is crack-a-lackin'.
:'''Marty''': That's right! Crack-a-lackin'. You guys speak my crack-a-lackin' language.
:''[cut to the giraffes]''
:'''Melman''': What? You don't have doctors here?
:'''Stephen''': Not anymore.
:'''Melman''': Well, what if you catch a cold?
:'''Murray''': We go over to the dying holes and we die.
:''[Melman sees a Giraffe coughing]''
:'''Melman''': Okay. You guys really need a doctor.
:'''Stephen''': Hey. We have an opening. 
:'''Murray''': Would you be interested?
:'''Melman''': Me? A doctor?
:''[Cut to the hippopotamuses]''
:'''Gloria''': It's raining men. Hallelujah! You all got it going on.
:'''Hippo''': Why don't you have a man? You got worms?
:'''Gloria''': Oh, I got rid of those. Listen, girls. Manhattan is short on two things, parking and hippos.
:''[Cut to the lions and lionesses]''
:'''Zuba''': Hey, everybody! I just found out that my son here is a doggone king! The King of New York Show me some of your moves, son. Come on. Don't be bashful.
:'''Alex''': ''[confidently]'' All right. This one always knocks 'em dead. ''[does his zoo act]'' Roar!
:'''Zuba''': Look out. The King is mad. The King is mad! Now let's welcome him back into the pride with open arms!
:''[cut back to the Zebras]''
:'''Zebras''': Welcome to the herd, Marty!
:'''Marty''': Me? I've always wanted to be part of a herd!- It's one for all... 
:'''Zebras''': And all for all, y'all!
:'''Maurice''': All right!
:''[cut back to the Giraffes]''
:'''Melman''': How do I look?
:'''Stephen''': Technically, a traditional witch doctor has a bone through his nose.
:'''Melman''': Huh?
:'''Murray''': Don't worry, it's just a clip-on.
:'''Stephen''': Voilà! He's a witch doctor!
:'''Melman''': My mother will be so happy.
:''[cut back to the Hippos]''
:'''Girl Hippo''': Look out! I think Moto Moto likes you.
:'''Girl Hippo #2''': Here he comes.
:'''Moto Moto''': Goodness, girl, you huge.
:'''Gloria''': Who's your friend? Or is that your butt?
:'''Moto Moto''': Girl, you as quick as you are hefty.
:'''Gloria''': So you're Moto Moto?
:'''Moto Moto''': The name's so nice, you say it twice.
:'''Gloria''': I kind of like it, fatso.
:'''Moto Moto''': I'll see you around, girl. It won't be hard, because you so... plumpy.
:''[Alex was still having his crowd surf until he landed on the ground with his back]''
:'''Alex''': Oof!
:'''Makunga''': Oops! ''[chuckles]'' Um... I hate to be a party pooper, Zuba, but some of the other lions were wondering when you plan to banish your son.
:'''Zuba''': What are you talking about Makunga? 
:'''Makunga''': It's nothing, really. They're griping that Alakay never went through the rite of passage, blah, blah, blah, so technically speaking, he can't be a member of the pride. It's nonsense.
:'''Zuba''': I had forgot about the rite of passage.
:'''Alex''': What is it? What's this rite of passage?
:'''Zuba''': It's a traditional coming-of-age ceremony where young lions earn their manes by demonstrating their skills.
:'''Alex''': Sort of a show-of-skill talent show deal? 
:'''Zuba''': Yeah. Strutting their stuff.
:'''Alex''': Great! A performance! I think that's up my alley, guys. If it's tradition, I want to do it. Strut my stuff. Earn my mane. I want to be Alakai.
:'''Florrie''': Alakay. 
:'''Alex''': Alakay! Even better.
:'''Zuba''': We will hold the rite of passage in the morning!
:'''Makunga''': That's wonderful! Good luck, Alakay.
:'''Alex''': Where I'm from, we say, &quot;Break a leg.&quot;
:'''Zuba''': That's my boy!
:'''King Julien''': ''[singing]'' Cause I'm a private dancer. A dancer for money. Any old music will do-- ''[passes out]''
:'''Gloria''': Beautiful, isn't it?
:'''Melman''': Yeah.
:'''Marty''': It's amazing.
:'''Alex''': Guys, this is where we belong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Penguins are seeing the safari jeep coming towards them.]''
:'''Skipper''': Operation Tourist Trap is a go.
:'''Private''': Oh, I like that one. That’s a good one.
:'''Kowalski''': It works on many levels, sir.
:'''Skipper''': You guys are a bunch of suck-ups.
:'''Kowalski''': That, too, sir.
:'''Private''': Absolutely.
:'''Rico''': Hai.
:'''Skipper''': Stations. Stage one. Go!
:''[Private runs to a red X on the ground and waddles in place. The tour jeep hits him, and he lands on the dirt. He then squirts ketchup on his stomach while cracking an egg on his head and placing a fake bone by his stomach, and then he sticks his tongue out to make it look like he is dead. The people that were in the tour jeep get out to check what happened]''
:'''Tour Guide''': Oh, no! What have I done?
:'''Skipper''': Come on, take the bait. 
:'''Tour Guide''': Is it dead?
:'''Skipper''': Stage two! Go, go, go!
:''[Skipper, Kowalski and Rico uses a seesaw catapult to get into the jeep with wood and rock and opens the front hood.]''
:'''Tour Guide''': I will give him the kiss of life.
:'''Skipper''': Rico! ''[Rico tries to start the jeep]'' Rico! ''[The tour guide kisses Private, who inflates and flies into the tour jeep and slams the trunk shut, getting in.]'' Reverse! Gas! Music!
:''[&quot;[[w:More Than a Feeling|More Than a Feeling]]&quot; by Boston plays, and the Penguins start driving the jeep away from the tourists.]''
:'''Tour Guide''':  No! Stop! Stop! Stop! Come back!
:''[The Penguins give high-five, when...]''
:'''Nana''': ''[offscreen]'' What is all this rock'n'roll racket?!
:''[Nana pops out from the backseat and angrily glares at the penguins. The penguins throw Nana out of the windshield. It stops.]''
:'''Private''': Is she dead?
:''[Nana gets up.]''
:'''Skipper''': ''[sternly]'' No.
:''[The Penguins drives forward and hits Nana, then they drive away backwards.]''
:'''Nana''': ''[gets up and straightens her head, calls out]'' You hoodlums! ''[She picks up her glasses]''
:'''Tour Guide''': Good heavens! Are you OK?
:'''Man #2''': Lady, I found your pocketbook. ''[gives the purse to Nana]''
:'''Nana''': My handbag. Such a good boy. Nana can't survive without it.
:'''Cameraman''': Wow. You are one tough cookie.
:'''Nana''': Brownies Troop 416, Yonkers.
:'''Tour Guide''': OK, nobody panic! The best thing we can do is stay together. We'll wait for another tour jeep. It may take hours, it's getting dark but...
:'''Cameraman''': Where are you going?
:'''Nana''': I'm not staying here to be attacked by more animals. I'm too old to die.
:'''Cameraman''': I don't know about you guys but I'm going with her. Old lady, wait up!
:'''Tour Guide''': Please! We need to stay.....together. Fine! We'll go that way!
:'''Nana''': Does anyone want a hard candy?
:'''All''': Ooh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back with Alex and his parents]''
:'''Florrie''': Easy now.
:'''Zuba''': Watch your step. And right here... OK, are you ready? This is where you always slept.
:'''Alex''': Oh, man! Wow. Was this mine? 
:'''Zuba''': Look at you. Look at him.
:'''Alex''': Oh, this thing. Look, look! I remember this! 
:'''Zuba''': He remembers.
:'''Alex''': A little harder than...
:'''Zuba''': You never slept on the right end. You always slept on the bottom end.
:'''Alex''': Is that? Is that my? Is that me?
:'''Florrie''': You had the cutest little paws.
:'''Zuba''': Little, little bitty ol' paws.
:'''Florrie''': You did that the day we lost you.
:'''Alex''': Wow. I was so young. What happened to me?
:'''Zuba''': It was all my fault. I turned my back a minute and...
:'''Florrie''': It was not your fault. Your father did everything he could. He tracked those hunters for weeks. Far off the reserve.
:'''Zuba''': Finally, I had to assume the hunters....well...
:'''Florrie''': We thought they'd killed you.
:'''Zuba''': But my son fought them off! Don't mess with the King of New York!
:'''Alex''': That's right! 
:'''Zuba''': Keep your chin in.
:'''Florrie''': Alright. You boys be careful! Now watch out before you break something. You used to call this &quot;foofie.&quot;
:'''Alex''': &quot;Foofie&quot;? Foofie.
:'''Zuba''': He doesn't want that.
:''[Zuba grabs the Foofie away from Alex]''
:'''Alex''': This is my foofie!
:'''Florrie''': Zuba, you better give him his foofie.
:'''Alex''': I mean, no, thank you, thank you. It's perfect.
:'''Zuba''': Son, you get your rest. You have a big day tomorrow. You're gonna need all your strength.
:'''Alex''': I will bring the house down for you, Dad.
:'''Florrie''': I hope so. Otherwise, your father will have to banish you.
:'''Alex''': Jeez, Mom, really?
:'''Zuba''': I know you'll do us proud. You know why? You were born with it. Good night, Alakay. My boy. My own boy. My son's a king. My son's a king.
:'''Alex''': Good night, Mom.
:'''Florrie''': Good night, Alakay.
:'''Alex''': Foofie. Look at foofie! My foofie! Foofie, foofie, foofie. My foofie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[From the jungle, the humans are getting lost and were tired.]''
:'''Cameraman''': No sign of civilization. Everybody appears very tired. I think we're lost. Hey Nana, do you know where you're going?
:'''Nana''': No, but I'm going with a skip in my step and a smile on my face.
:'''Cameraman''': Sure, right, OK. Yeah, all right.
:''[A rustle in the bushes caused them to stop and look. Some more people came out from the opposite direction.]''
:'''Man''': Oh, It's people. 
:'''Man''': Where did you come from?
:'''Woman''': How did you get out here?
:'''Man #2''': How did you get here?
:'''Cameraman''': Can you help us? We're lost. 
:'''Man''': We're lost too.
:'''Woman''': It was awful. A flash of black and white and they were gone. They took the jeep!
:'''Man''': That happened to our jeep too!
:'''Man #3''': What do we do?
:'''Man #4''': How will we all survive?
:'''Cameraman''': We got nothing. No food, no water, no shelter. What are we gonna do?!
:'''Nana''': ''[whistles]'' You can let nature get the best of you, or you can get the best of nature. Gather 'round, children. We're New Yorkers, right?
:'''All''': Yeah.
:'''Nana''': We survive the concrete jungle! When we need food, we hunt for a decent hot dog stand. Am I right? 
:'''Man''': She's right.
:'''Nana''': When we need shelter, we build skyscrapers.
:'''Man''': Exactly! 
:'''Nana''': When we need water, we build a dam.
:'''Man''': Come on, We're New Yorkers, for crying out loud!
:'''Nana''': If we can make it there, we can make it anywhere!
:'''Mort''': I'm coming, King Julien! ''[he starts to sing before he gets attack by a shark and runs off]'' Bad fishy! Bad fishy! No, shark, no! Sit! Why am I laughing?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kowalski''': Skipper, we have all the parts we need. But, we're slightly behind schedule.
:'''Skipper''': How slightly?
:'''Kowalski''': Six to nine years.
:'''Skipper''': Sixty-nine years?
:'''Kowalski''': No, six '''to''' nine years.
:'''Skipper''': ''[on the intercom]'' Private, what happened to our thumbs?
:'''Private''': Haven't seen them since yesterday, sir. ''[drops his screwdriver]'' Darn you, Darwin! ''[the car's hood closes on him]''
:'''Skipper''': Nobody goes AWOL on my watch. Private! You're coming with me! ''[the inside of the front of the car explodes]'' Rico! You're coming with me! ''[Rico welds a car in half]'' We'll track them down and bring them in for court martial.
:'''Mason''': That won't be necessary, we've recruited a few extra thumbs for you, Skipper. ''[camera pans to a whole lot of chimpanzees]''
:'''Skipper''': Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.
:'''Mason''': Oh, I doubt that. ''[chimpanzees screeching]''
:'''Skipper''': ''[on the intercom]'' Enough lollygagging. Now let's get to work. We'll divide into three groups. Group Alpha, you're in charge of sheet metal fabrication. Group Bronson, you'll handle assembly. Group George Peppard, you'll handle craft services. Any questions? ''[Mason tries to say something]'' Good, now let's get to work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alex''': Alright so, little cub scouts, just remember great dance performance comes from the heart. Comes straight from the heart, you'll never go wrong.
:'''Cub''': Sure, mister.
:'''Makunga''': Hey, Alakay, I just happened to walk by, I thought I'd wish you luck you're not nervous, are you?
:'''Alex''': Nah, it's my thing. You know It's kinda what I do.
:'''Makunga''': In my opinion, the key to this whole thing is choosing the right competitor.
:'''Alex''': Oh. You mean, this is like a dance battle sort of thing? Like a dance-off?
:'''Makunga''': Uh... Sure.
:'''Alex''': Great. I love that. Freestyle. Put your moves off. Who'd be a good match for me? You know just to keep things interesting.
:'''Makunga''': Well, I wish I could help, but that's strictly against our ancient tradition and all that  we hold sacred. But if it was me out there... I'd choose Teetsi.
:'''Alex''': Teetsi. OK. Sounds interesting. Makunga, right? Thank you.
:'''Makunga''': Anything for Zuba's boy. Go get 'em, tiger.
:'''Alex''': Shake it out. A five, six, seven, eight. Let's go, let's do this.
:'''Zuba''': Let us begin the rite of passage ceremony.
:'''Florrie''': Come on, baby! Make Mama proud! 
:'''Zuba''': Woman, I'm trying to take...
:'''Alex''': On it, Mom!
:'''Zuba''': So who will be the first participant?
:'''Alex''': Me! Oh! Me, me, me! Me! Me! Me! Me, me! Please, me?
:'''Zuba''': How about you? The tall, handsome one. Yeah. Choose your opponent.
:'''Alex''': Let me see. Hmm. Ah! I guess I'll pick...
:''[Makunga looks left and right to see if anyone is watching him, then winks at Alex cunningly]''
:'''Alex''': Teetsi?
:''[Everyone except Makunga gasps in shock]''
:'''Florrie''': ''[shocked]'' Teetsi? Why did he pick Teetsi?
:'''Zuba''': Oh, that's my boy! He's got some gumption there! Somebody, wake him up! Wake him up.
:''[A lion throws a rock on Teetsi's head as it's laying on a rock! Teetsi burst his eyes open and roars before proceeding to rise up, revealing his towering height and unseathing his claws. His muscles pop out starting from his legs, through his torso all the way up to his upper body and he lets out a ferocious roar.]''
:'''Alex''': All right, so, Teetsi, come on. Let's do this, huh? Come on, little tsetse fly. Let's see your stuff. Bring it.
:'''Teetsi''': Let's dance! 
:'''Alex''': OK. But let me warn you that I am a protégé of....Fosse and Robbins!
:'''Teetsi''': Not &quot;dance&quot; dance! Fight!
:'''Alex''': Dance fight! You got it.
:''[Alex starts dancing. Zuba and Florrie are confused.]''
:'''Florrie''': Is he dancing? 
:'''Zuba''': What is he doing? 
:'''Florrie''': I know that boy is not dancing.
:'''Makunga''': ''[trying to hold his laugh]'' This is even better than I thought.
:''[Alex still dancing as Teetsi roars and unleashes his claws!]''
:'''Zuba''': Alakay, turn around!
:'''Alex''': No, Pop, it's hop, shuffle, ball change, hip swish, turn around.
:''[Alex's pupils shrink in shock as he turns around to face Teetsi flying towards him with both fists extended. Teetsi slams Alex with such force that the whole savanna shakes and alarge fissure travels beyond the Lions' arena, cracking a small boulder and alerting a small herd of antelopes.]''
:'''Zuba''': Oh, no.
:'''Florrie''': Alakay! Are you hurt?
:'''Alex''': Oh. Yeah, I am. Did I, uh... did I win?
:'''Zuba''': Oh no, son. How could, I mean... How could this happen? You told us you were a king. And a king does not get beat.
:'''Alex''': Well, I am a king. I'm a... I'm the King of New York. It's... It's my stage name. I'm like, uh... you know, it's uh... for when I perform.
:'''Zuba''': Perform?
:'''Makunga''': '[showing no regrets for his own actions]'' Oh, no, this is horrible! Alakay has failed the test! Who would have ever imagined that today Zuba would have to banish... ''[inhales sharply]'' his own son?
:'''Florrie''': Zuba, no.
:'''Makunga''': Zuba, yes. Sadly, the Alpha Lion must cast out all failures.
:'''Zuba''': ''[looks to his son and thinks about the consequences of banishing his son and decides to resign his title]'' Then I'm no longer the Alpha lion. ''[throws the staff]''
:'''Alex''': Dad, what are you doing? Dad, no! You can't do this.
:'''Makunga''': Who could possibly take Zuba's place? Anyone? Someone? No one?
:'''Random Lion''': Hey!
:'''Makunga''': ''[Accidentally hits another lion]'' You, sir! I guess not. Well, I... This is all very awkward, but I suppose I could carry this tremendous burden.
:'''Zuba''': Hmph.
:'''Makunga''': Teetsi! Get the hat.
:''[Teetsi picks up the fruit hat and walks to Alex]''
:'''Makunga''': As your new leader, I hereby banish Alakay! He shall wear this hat of shame, and leave the watering hole for a thousand years, or life! Whichever comes last.
:''[Zuba glares at Makunga]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alex and his parents have relocated to a barren land overrun by dik-dik antelope.]''
:'''Zuba''': ''[shooing the antelope]'' Come on! Shoo, shoo! Get out of here! ''[to Alex]'' You should have told us, son. You should have told us that you weren't a real king!
:'''Alex''': You never told me I'd have to fight anybody!
:'''Zuba''': What did you expect, son?!
:'''Alex''': I don't know! Maybe a little fatherly advice like, &quot;Hey, son, it's a fight!&quot;
:'''Zuba''': You're a lion aren't you?
:'''Alex''': But I never fought another lion!
:'''Zuba''': No, I guess not. You dance!
:'''Alex''': And other stuff! The point is your pal, Makunga, set me up back there! I mean, none of this would have happened...
:'''Zuba''': If you were a real lion.
:'''Florrie''': ''[scolding Zuba]'' ZUBA!! 
:'''Zuba''': Yeah, I said it!
:'''Alex''': A real lion. Thanks. Thanks a lot. ''[Leaves his parents behind]''
:''[Zuba and Florrie glare at each other]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melman''': Saw. Suture. Swab. You're in my light, Stephen.
:'''Stephen''': Ooh! Say, you've got a brown spot there on your shoulder.
:'''Melman''': Yes, that's very observant, Stephen. As you can see, I'm covered in brown spots. OK! That bone will be good as new in a few weeks.
:'''Timo''': So I don't have to pick out a dying hole?
:'''Melman''': No, Timo, you got your whole life ahead of you.
:'''Timo''': Really? 
:'''Melman''': Go out there and grab it by the horns!
:'''Timo''': Thank you, Dr. Mankiewicz!
:'''Melman''': Break a leg! Sweet kid.
:'''Stephen''': Um... ''[clears throat]'' This spot looks like Witch Doctor's Disease.
:'''Melman''': ''[so]'' Witch Doctor's Disease? That's the most ridiculous disease I've ever heard of Stephen. Whoa!
:'''Elephant''': Don't ask. 
:'''Melman''': Someone's been knotty. ''[chuckles]'' Okay. This won't hurt a bit.
:'''Murray''': Joe, our last witch doctor. He had a spot just like that.
:'''Melman''': Mmm-hmm. And? 
:'''Murray''': Monday, Joe. Wednesday, no Joe.
:'''Melman''': Wednesday, no Joe?
:''[Melman fixes the elephant's nose]''
:'''Elephant''': Oh, I can breathe! Thanks, doc!
:'''Melman''': So, this Witch Doctor's Disease is a real thing?
:'''Stephen''': You'll find a cure. Hey! You've got at least 48 hours!
:'''Melman''': But I've never even heard of it. I mean... I don't have any penicillin. I'm gonna need a CAT scan just to get started!
:'''Stephen''': We'll have a lion look you over. They'd be happy to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marty does the water challenge like he did in the [[w:Madagascar (2005 film)|first film]], spits out water, and sprays it all over the zebras]''
:'''Marty''': Ta-da!
:'''Zebras''': He has talent! Stupendous and tremendous! Hollah!
:'''Marty''': Bet you've never seen that one before! Knocked 'em dead in New York!
:'''Zebra''': Hey, let's all give it a try! 
:'''Zebras''': Let's do it!
:'''Marty''': Well, you can try all you want to, but it's gonna takes years of practice. And you'll never gonna quite get a tight stream until you build up your lip muscles to the point where you can purse your lips like this. You got it?
:''[The zebras do the same thing like Marty did, but there was more water, which made Marty scream and knocked him]''
:'''Zebras''': Ta-da!
:'''Marty''': How did you...? You guys got it right out of the box!
:'''Zebra''': If you can do it, we can do it.
:'''Zebra #2''': It's in our blood!
:'''Marty''': I always thought I was a bit unique.
:'''Zebras''': We are unique!
:'''Zebra''': Hey! We are like a force of nature!
:'''Zebra #2''': A million points of light! 
:'''Zebra #3''': And dark stripes!
:'''Zebras''': Exactly the same!
:'''Marty''': Exactly the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skipper''': Looks impressive, Kowalski, but... will it fly?
:'''Kowalski''': Yes. If we fold it here, here and here.
:'''Skipper''': Nice.
:'''Alex''': Oh, man. My dad thinks I'm a total loser. I've ruined my parents' lives.
:'''Zebra''': That is definitely not crack-a-lacking.
:'''Alex''': It is lackin' in the crackin', my friend. I've gotta fix this.
:'''Melman''': So....there's... There's something I gotta tell you.
:'''Gloria''': Hey, guys. Is this place great or what?!
:'''Alex''': I'd go with &quot;or what.&quot;
:'''Gloria''': Oh Well, I'll tell you what. You're not gonna believe it, but... Ha! I got a date with Moto Moto. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Melman''': Who's Moto Moto?
:'''Gloria''': Oh, he's so big and handsome and big! You know what &quot;Moto Moto&quot; means? 
:'''Melman''': Twins?
:'''Zebra''': It means, &quot;Hot Hot.&quot;
:'''Melman''': &quot;Hot Hot&quot;?
:'''Gloria''': OK. When did you start parlez-ing African?
:'''Zebra''': It's in my blood.
:'''Melman''': Don't worry, you can flirt around with Mr. Hot Pants after I'm gone.
:'''Gloria''': What's the deal Melman? Why am I the parade and you're the rain?
:'''Melman''': Why do you have to drive your parade under my rain?
:'''Gloria''': Maybe I'll just parade myself in another part of town!
:'''Alex''': Whoa, guys. Guys!
:'''Melman''': Fine by me by the way. Main Street's mine!
:'''Gloria''': Well, you can have your old stinking main street!
:'''Melman''': And you can take your hotee-tot float and your Mr. Hotee Moto Moto...
:'''Zebra''': What are we talking about?
:'''Alex''': Melman, why don't you just tell her?
:'''Melman''': You tell her?! What? Tell her? What are you talking... I don't know what you're talking about.
:'''Gloria''': So I guess I'll go, then.
:'''Melman''': You know what? Don't bother.
:'''Gloria''': Well, don't get up on my account.
:'''Alex''': Melman! Gloria!
:'''Zebra''': Hey! I-I thought you guys were friends!
:'''Alex''': Come on guys. Marty's absolutely right.
:'''Zebra''': Marty?
:''[Suddenly, the real Marty shows up.]''
:'''Marty''': Marty?
:'''Alex''': Marty?
:'''Marty''': What the heck is going on?
:'''Alex''': You're not? Oh! He was... No! I thought he... You're not him. He's... Oh.
:'''Marty''': You thought that guy...was me?
:'''Alex''': No, no! No! I mean, yes! Yes, you do... Guys, come on.
:'''Zebra''': You thought I was him?
:'''Alex''': You guys kind of do look a little... You look a lot alike. Marty, you look a lot alike. Come on! You laugh alike. You talk alike. He has the same sort of speech pattern. I mean, it's a little weird, really. You guys are... I mean, come on. Marty.
:'''Marty''': So, you're saying there's nothing unique about me. I'm just like any other zebra.
:'''Alex''': No. Of course you're different!
:'''Both''': How?
:'''Alex''': Okay! OK, I can't tell you apart. Maybe you could wear a bell or something? I don't know.
:'''Marty''': A ''bell?''
:'''Alex''': OK, not a bell. No, bell's a bad idea.
:'''Marty''': No, no, no! How about a T-shirt that says, ''&quot;I'm with stupid?!&quot;''
:'''Zebra''': I'm not stupid. 
:'''Marty''': Not you, stupid! ''Him'', stupid!
:'''Alex''': You know what? While you've been off doing the prancing pony with your new posse, I've been having pretty much the worst day of my life. Okay? 
:'''Marty''': ''[sighs]'' It's always about you, isn't it?
:'''Alex''': My problems are just a little bit bigger than yours, Marty. Alright, I couldn't tell you apart. So what?! ''[sees one of the two zebras leaving]'' Yeah, fine. Run away, Marty! Run away! That's what you do best! Just like back in New York!
:'''Marty''': I'm right here. But you can't tell that, right?
:''[Alex groans in frustration, mistaking the two zebras]''
:'''Marty''': Your one-of-a-million friend hopes you enjoy your ''bigger-than-anyone-else's'' problems alone!
:'''Alex''': Good! Leave! I don't need you to help solve my problems! You know what, you're a dime a dozen, I can't tell which one's Marty! Oh, which one's Marty? Wait a minute, wait a minute, oh, yeah! I don't care!
:'''Zebra''': Nice hat, you showoff!
:'''Alex''': Marty.....don't go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Julien''': Giddy-up, giddy-up! Look, Maurice! Here's the perfect spot for my summer palace! So please fill in all these holes and relocate the riff-raff. Oh. Who'd leave a perfectly good head? 
:'''Maurice''': What a waste.
:'''Melman''': Tell me about it. I'm in my prime here. I'm terminal, you know? I probably only have another two days left to live.
:'''Maurice''': That's a bummer, man.
:'''King Julien''': If I, King Julien... that's my name....only had two days left to live, I would do all the things I've ever dreamed of doing. 
:'''Melman''': Like what?
:'''King Julien''': I'd love to become a professional whistler. I'm pretty amazing at it now, but I want to get even better, make my living out of it. ''[raspberries]'' You know what else I would do? I would invade a neighboring country and impose my own ideology, even if they didn't want it!
:'''Melman''': Easy for you to say. You're a king.
:'''King Julien''': Yes. And you are only just a sad little head. There must be something you want to do before you die!
:'''Melman''': Well, there is this one thing. 
:'''Julien''': What? Tell me.
:'''Melman''': No, I couldn't. 
:'''Julien''': What is it?
:'''Melman''': You know, I never told Gloria how I feel about her.
:'''Julien''': What is it? Please tell me!
:'''Melman''': I never had the guts to tell Gloria how I feel about her. How I've always felt about her.
:'''Julien''': Fine. Don't tell me! Oh...Is it a woman? You didn't tell me it's a woman.
:'''Maurice''': What are you afraid of? You're a dead man anyway.
:'''Melman''': Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
:'''Julien''': Well, you've got to march right up to this woman. Look her right in the eye. Lean forward. Just a little, or almost all the way. Then you let her lean forward a little until you're....just lips' distance away from each other. Then you tell her how much you hate her.
:'''Melman''': Actually, it's more like love her.
:'''Julien''': Oh, you sly dog! Woof, woof! You're a real player. Now listen to me. You got to rise up. You hearing me?
:'''Maurice''': He didn't hear you. 
:'''Julien''': I can't hear you!
:'''Melman''': Yeah.
:'''Julien''': Good. You got to rise up! 
:'''Maurice''': Rising up!
:'''Julien''': You're gonna get out of the hole! 
:'''Melman''': I'm rising out of the ground!
:'''Julien''': He's rising, Maurice. 
:'''Melman''': I'm rising, Maurice!
:'''Maurice''': Rising!
:'''Julien''': You go right up to this woman!
:'''Maurice''': Do you feel it?
:'''Julien''': Go up to her face! 
:'''Maurice''': Tell the truth!
:'''Melman''': I'm going to tell her! 
:'''Julien''': And then you say, &quot;Baby, I dig you!&quot; Yeah!
:'''Melman''': Yeah! I'm going to do it! I'm going to do it!
:'''Julian''': I love that happy little head.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Moto Moto''': ''[singing]'' She loves me She loves my eyes, She loves me She loves my thighs, She loves my roundness, She love that I'm chunky She love that I'm plumpy, She love my heftiness She love my zestiness She love me restlessly She love me forever She love me... ..'cause she love me
:'''Gloria''': Moto Moto...before things get too serious, well, I was wondering, if I were to, for example, stay here... l'd like to ask you...
:'''Moto Moto''': Let your candied lips be the messengers to my... ear canal.
:'''Gloria''': Well I don't know. I have so many questions.
:'''Moto Moto''': Well I promise the answer will always be yes. Unless no is required.
:'''Gloria''': Okay. So what is it about me that you find so interesting?
:'''Moto Moto''': You're the most plumpenest girl I've ever met.
:'''Gloria''': OK. Other than that.
:'''Moto Moto''': Let's see. Yeah, well, you know... you chunky.
:'''Gloria''': Right.
:'''Moto Moto''': My gosh, girl, you huge.
:'''Gloria''': You said that.
:'''Moto Moto''': Yeah, that's right. We don't have to talk no more.
:''[From the forests. Melman appeared]''
:'''Melman''': Gloria! Gloria.
:'''Gloria''': Melman. Melman, I want you to meet Moto Moto.
:'''Melman''': Moto Moto. Yeah, nice to meet you. Well I guess I... 
:'''Gloria''': It's OK, Melman. Apology accepted.
:'''Melman''': Oh. Yeah, right, that. That's why I... Good. OK. Well, that's it, then.
:'''Moto Moto''': You're good. We're kind of busy here, man.
:'''Melman''': No. No, that's not it. ''[pulls Moto Moto from Gloria]'' Listen, Mototo, you better treat this lady like a queen. Because you, my friend, you found yourself the perfect woman. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I'd would give her flowers every day. And not just any flowers. OK? Her favorites are orchids. White. And breakfast in bed. Six loaves of wheat toast, butter on both sides. No crust, the way she likes it. I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend. I'd spend every day thinking of how to make her laugh. She has the most amazing laugh. That's what I would do if I were you. But I'm not, so you do it.
:'''Moto Moto''': OK. What?
:'''Hippo''': That was beautiful.
:'''Moto Moto''': Anyways, where were we?
:'''Gloria''': I'm &quot;huge&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alex is punching the bird's nest, like a punching bag]''
:'''Alex''': Surprised to see me, Makunga? Well, I'm here to set things straight, like a ''real'' lion! Is this real enough for you? How about ''this''? ''This'' is for setting me up! ''This'' is for stealing my dad's job! ''This'' is for humiliating my family! ''AND MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL''!
:''[The nest has the birds come out and they attack Alex while he coughs some of them with its birds and feathers]''
:'''Alex''': Had enough? Sure, fly away! Coward.
:''[Then Alex hears someone screaming in horror along with some screams from the animals, and goes over and saw that the watering hole was all gone, where the animals have gathered there and sees a fish.]''
:'''Stephen''': The water, it's gone.
:'''Murray''': Oh, no.
:'''Hippo''': The watering hole has never gone dried before!
:'''Murray''': We're gonna need a lot more dying holes.
:'''Bobby''': How could this happen?
:'''Makunga''': ''[enters]'' Out of my way! '''WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!'''
:'''Bobby''': The watering hole's dried up! There's barely enough water for one of us!
:'''Makunga''': Yes. Good observation, Shirley.
:'''Bobby''': I'm Bobby.
:'''Murray''': Makunga, what do we do?
:'''Makunga''': '''''QUIET!!!''''' Listen up! I'm afraid there is only one solution to this horrible crisis: We'll all have to fight for it.
:'''Hippo''': Fight for it? We can't fight for it.
:'''Cape Buffalo''': This is crazy.
:'''Bobby''': That's not fair. You'd win!
:'''Makunga''': Exactly, Shirley.
:'''Bobby''': I'm Bob-- ''[Makunga kicks him away]''
:'''Makunga''': Sorry, folks, but life isn't fair. I'm in charge now, thanks to Alakay, the dancing lion.
:'''Timo''': Please, Makunga. This is the only water on the reserve.
:'''Makunga''': If you're thirsty, you'll have to look for water off the reserve.
:''[The animals talk about it, Alex looks back and remembers how he left the reserve when he got caught in the crate by the poachers when he was a little cub while Zuba tried to rescue him.]''
:'''Alex''': I left the reserve! And survived. I can do something about this. Looks like a clogged pipe. Like we get in New York all the time. I'll just travel upriver...
:'''Makunga''': You? ''[laughing]''
:'''Alex''': Yeah! Me! I'll unclog the pipe and bring back your water.
:'''Makunga''': Great! I'd help you pack; but the looks of that hat, I see you're all set! ''[laughing]''
:'''Alex''': Yeah. Fine. Go ahead. Laugh! Laugh your mane off! I'm gonna prove you wrong. ''[turns to leave]''
:'''Makunga''': ''[watches Alex leave]'' Maybe you should try a little rain dance. ''[scatting and laughing]''
:'''Stephen''': Zuba would know what to do.
:'''Murray''': Where's Zuba?!
:'''Elephant''': ''You'' don't care about us!
:'''Hippo''': Zuba should be in charge, not ''you!''
:'''Animals''': Where is Zuba?!
:'''Makunga''': ''[growling]'' '''''ALL RIGHT!!''''' '''FINE!''' As an added measure, I will consult with Zuba!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, Alex goes off to find Marty.]''
:'''Alex''': Marty? Hey! Marty! Marty? Marty.
:'''Zebra''': Where'd you get the fruity hat?
:'''Alex''': Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi. Is Marty in there?
:'''Zebras''': Marty? Anyone seen Marty? Which one of us is Marty?
:'''Alex''': All right. Well, if you see him, tell him his friend Alex came to say goodbye.
:'''Zebra''': Goodbye? Don't go. Where are you going  Can we come? 
:'''Alex''': No. This is something I have to do this alone.
:'''Zebras''': You can't leave the reserve! What are you doing? They'll get your hat. Hunters are everywhere! Could you leave the hat?
:'''Alex''': Marty, Look! I know you're in there. Before I go, I got something I want to say. You've been a great friend. You've helped me so often to see the bright side of my problems that I never think of you is having any. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Just like back at the zoo. What kind of friend does that make me? A pretty lousy friend, I guess. Well I just want you to know that I... You're one in a million.
:'''Zebra''': This is touching. 
:''[Another Zebra starts sobbing]''
:'''Zebra''': It is touching.
:'''Alex''': So could you turn around so I can tell you to your face? That's right. Gotcha! I see you in there! Yeah, you. You, right there. Twelfth row, two hundred and third from the left. That's you, Marty. I know it's you. Know what makes you special? These guys are white with black stripes. You're black with white stripes. You're a dreamer, Marty. Always have been. You have great taste in music and horrible taste in friends. Well, not Melman and Gloria, but me.
:'''Marty''': OK, I'm in.
:'''Alex''': No, Marty. You can't come with me.
:'''Marty''': I don't believe you have a choice.
:''[Alex and Marty, reunited, walk side by side into the jungle, bumping each other playfully]''
:'''Zebras''': People are out there! You're crazy! Come back! The people will get you! Don't lose the hat! Bye, hat!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': Any water?!
:'''Moto Moto''': No, just more diamonds and gold.
:'''Gloria''': Okay. Don't give up hope.
:'''King Julien''': Listen up! I will help you! There's only one way to get your precious water. I, your beloved King Julien must simply make a small sacrifice to my good friends, the water gods, in the volcano!
:'''Rhino''': What does that do?
:'''King Julien''': What does that do? Excellent question. My sacrifice goes in the volcano. The friendly gods eat up my sacrifice. &quot;Very nice. Thank you for the sacrifice.&quot; &quot;Here, have another sacrifice.&quot; &quot;No, I've had enough.&quot; &quot; Listen I'm insulted unless you have another.&quot; &quot;I don't want another sacrifice okay?!&quot; &quot;Look at you! You look skinny!&quot; &quot;No! I've had enough! Is that clear?!&quot; The gods eat the sacrifice. They are grateful. They give me some water, and then I give it to you.
:'''Gloria''': What?
:'''Female Okapi''': Does it work?
:'''King Julien''': No! I mean, yes. Well, Maurice?
:'''Maurice''': Ah, it's fifty-fifty.
:'''All''': We'll do it!
:'''King Julien''': Excellent! Now, all I need is someone who would like to go into the volcano and get eaten by gods. Any hands! Hands, anybody! Okay, I need someone, perhaps who has never found love, who could look death straight in the eyeball. A real, genuine hero.
:'''Melman''': I'll do it.
:'''Gloria''': Melman?
:''[The crowd cheered and they carry Melman to the volcano chanting his name]''
:'''King Julien''': Hurry up! Before we all come to our senses!
:'''Gloria''': Melman, what is wrong with you?
:'''Melman''': I'm dying anyway. If there's a chance it'll get you water, it'll be worth it.
:'''Gloria''': Are you nuts?
:'''Melman''': Gloria, I just want you to know, back at the zoo, it was never the doctors or prescriptions that kept me going. It was always you. Seeing you every day, that's what kept me going.
:'''Gloria''': Melman! Wait!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Florrie''': You going to mope around like this all day?
:'''Zuba''': Hmph.
:'''Florrie''': Don't &quot;hmph&quot; me. Listen, Zuba. A miracle happened. ''Our'' son has come back to ''us''. How come that is not good enough for ''you?''
:'''Zuba''': What are you saying, woman?
:'''Florrie''': We lost him once, Zuba. Let's not lose him again.
:'''Makunga''': Zuba! Zuba!
:'''Zuba''': ''[angrily]'' Get out of here!
:'''Florrie''': What do ''you'' want, Makunga?
:'''Makunga''': It's awful. The watering hole is dried up.
:'''Zuba''': DRIED UP?! ''[growls]'' That's impossible!!
:'''Makunga''': There's nothing left!
:'''Zuba''': Well! You're alpha lion, Makunga. What are you gonna do about it?
:'''Makunga''': Your son, Alakay, he said he could fix it. He's gone upriver.
:'''Zuba''': Off The Reserve?! 
:'''Florrie''': No!
:'''Makunga''': I tried to stop him! I told him it was suicide, but he was determined to prove himself to ''you!''
:'''Zuba''': You stay here, in case he comes back! ''[running off to the reserve]''
:'''Makunga''': Hurry, Zuba! I'm so parched. ''[coughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marty''': Is this place starting to freak you out?
:'''Alex''': We'll slip in, find the problem. Hunters will never know we were here.
:'''Marty''': Why are we doing this?
:'''Alex''': Look. Marty, maybe my dad will think I'm... I just want to show him I'm a real lion.
:'''Marty''': As opposed to a chocolate lion.
:'''Alex''': Shh. I know this may sound hard to believe; but apparently, lions don't dance.
:'''Marty''': ''[shocked]'' '''WHAT?!?'''
:'''Alex''': SHH!! As far as my dad is concerned.
:'''Marty''': As far as people are concerned, you're a huge hit.
:'''Alex''': That was New York. This is Africa. It’s a much tougher crowd. Marty! Marty, this is it! This is the clog! Come on.
:'''Marty''': Well, there's the water.
:''[Marty drinks some of the water. While Marty is drinking the water, Alex notices Nana]''
:'''Alex''': Marty, stay down. Look at that.
:'''Nana''': Knit one, purl two.
:'''Alex''': It's her.
:'''Man''': Is this right? 
:'''Nana''': Very good.
:'''Man''': Nana, slow down.
:'''Nana''': You're a little tangled, aren't you? No, don't pull. I'll do it.
:'''Alex''': We need dynamite. Got any dynamite?
:'''Marty''': ''[loudly]'' Oh, snap! I just used my last stick this morning!
:''[Alex tells Marty to quiet down, but an arrow hits the fruit hat of shame]''
:'''Marty''': Savages!
:'''Alex''': Evasive maneuvers!
:'''Marty''': Serpentine, serpentine! 
:'''Alex''': Squiggly squid maneuver!
:'''Marty''': Zag, zig-zag, zig ziggy zag!
:'''Alex''': No, no! Squiggly squid!
:'''Marty''': Etch A Sketch! Etch A Sketch! Etch A Sketch!
:'''Alex''': That's too complex! Octopus, octopus!
:'''Marty''': Alex!
:'''Alex''': Run, Marty! 
:'''Marty''': Come on, I can't leave you here!
:'''Alex''': Go get help! Squiggly squid maneuver! Go! Go! Squiggly squid!
:'''Marty''': ETCH A SKETCH!!! '''''ETCH A SKETCH!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The camera changes to the volcano where Melman is about to go into the lava, but he is looking to the deep of the volcano.]''
:'''Melman''': OK. OK, OK, OK. OK, here we go. OK, OK. Here we go! Here we go!
:'''Joe''': What's all the hoopla about? 
:'''Stephen''': Joe?
:'''Murray''': Joe the Witch Doctor? We thought you were dead!
:'''Joe''': So did I. Then I realized I'm covered in brown spots.
:'''Stephen''': So, Melman's not dying! ''[suddenly realizes the truth]'' Melman's not dying! 
:'''Murray''': Oh, no!
:'''Gloria''': Excuse me! Melman!! Move! Don't do this! ''[to King Julien]'' Julien, stop this! This is crazy!
:'''King Julien''': Oh, suddenly throwing a giraffe into a volcano to make water is crazy!
:'''Gloria''': Yes! Please, Melman! STOOOP!!!! 
:'''Melman''': Gloria?
:'''Gloria''': You can't do this! 
:'''Melman''': Why not?
:'''Gloria''': Because...Oh!
:''[But before Gloria could finish, she trips which causes cracks to come out. Melman is shocked at what he's seeing and runs up, but begins to fall. Gloria stops him from falling by grabbing his horns.]''
:'''Gloria''': You can't do this, Melman.
:'''Melman''': First of all, that hurts. Second of all, I've only got 18 hours to live, anyway.
:'''Gloria''': Melman, I gotta know...did you really mean those things you said about me?
:'''Melman''': Of course I did.
:'''Gloria''': That's crazy. 
:'''Melman''': It is?
:'''Gloria''': ''[throws Melman into her arms]'' It's crazy to think I had to go halfway around the world... to find out that the perfect guy for me lived right next door.
:'''Melman''': Then I guess it's you and me, neighbor. You and me for the next 18 hours.
:'''Gloria''': I'll take whatever you got.
:''[They embrace]''
:'''Julien''': Maurice, what just happened?! 
:'''Maurice''': I believe the fat lady has sung.
:''[As Melman and Gloria enjoy their romance, Marty showed up to warn them about Alex.]''
:'''Marty''': Hey! What's going on here? 
:'''Gloria''': Marty!
:'''Marty''': Hey. Hey. Listen up. Alex is in big trouble! We got to get upriver fast!
:'''Melman''': What about the plane? 
:'''Marty''': Perfect! Come on!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the union monkeys have gone on strike. Mason and Phil are with Skipper at the negotiating table]''
:'''Mason''': The plane won't be fixed until the suits meet our demands. Now, about maternity leave.
:'''Skipper''': &quot;Maternity leave&quot;? ''[glances under the table]'' You're all males...
:'''Marty''': Look, we need that plane for a rescue mission.
[[File:Amazon warehouse workers outside the National Labor Relations Board 01.jpg|thumb|Well, there's nothing I can do until we bust up this union.]]
:'''Skipper''': Well, there's nothing I can do until we bust up this union.
:'''Gloria''': I'm gonna get to busting up all you if you don't get this plane going!
:'''Skipper''': Can't you see these commies have my hands tied here! No maternity leave!
:'''Mason''': ''[nudges Phil, who pulls out incriminating photos of Skipper and &quot;Doll&quot; in compromising positions]'' Maybe a certain someone wouldn't want ''these'' blowing around on the savanna? Hmm?
:'''Skipper''': ''[reluctantly]'' All right, you get your maternity leave.
:''[a whistle blows in the background and the monkeys get back to fixing the plane]''
:'''Marty''': Finally.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back in the woods, the hunters have tied up Alex and are gonna kill him and eat him as their dinner]''
:'''Alex''': Where we headed? What's going on? Where are we going? Oh, no! Please! No, you're not gonna put me there! No, no, no! This is wrong.
:'''Nana''': You see? You are survivors. Now, how about a nice lion casserole?
:'''Tour Guide''': You can't eat a lion.
:'''Nana''': Eh. Don't worry, it tastes like chicken.
:'''Alex''': No, no, no. Don't listen to her. She's out of her mind, people! Hey! Hey! I'm from New York City too! It's me, Alex the lion! From Central Park!
:''[Suddenly, the hunters hear a roaring. It is revealed to be Zuba!]''
:'''Man''': Lion!
:'''Alex''': Dad!
:'''Zuba''': What were you thinking, son?! You got no business being out here!! This is it. I want you to stay behind me.
:'''Alex''': No, Dad. They're New Yorkers. They're just rude and frightened people.
:'''Zuba''': Stay back! ''[snarls]''
:'''Nana''': You'd let your dinner get away?!
:'''Zuba''': What are you doing, son? 
:'''Alex''': The only thing I know how to do.
:'''Tour Guide''': Huh?
:♪I've been around the world in the pourin' rain♪
:'''Man''': What the...?
:♪Feelin' out of place, I'm feelin' strange♪ ♪Take me to a place where they know my name♪ ♪Where everyone knows my name♪
:'''Cameraman''': ''[recognizes the dance moves]'' Hey! I know those moves. Alex?
:♪Check it, check it out, I'm 'bout to do my thing♪
:''[The hunters begin to notice that it is Alex the Lion]''
:'''Woman''': It's Alex the lion! 
:♪King of the floor, king of the swing♪ 
:'''Man''': From the Central Park!
:'''Man #2''': It ''is'' Alex!
:'''Man #3''': Only one lion can move like that!
:♪Play a little beat, I'll be your dance machine♪ ♪Play a little jam, I'll come alive, alive, alive♪
:'''Tour Guide''': He's beautiful.
:'''Zuba''': I can't believe it.
:♪Play that jungle fever, show 'em some love!♪ ♪Show love♪
:'''Man''': How does he do that?!
:''[All the hunters start cheering]''
:♪This is my home♪ ♪This is my home♪ ♪King of the throne♪ ♪This is my home♪ ♪This is my home♪ ♪This is my home♪ ♪This is my home♪
:''[The hunters chant Alex's name while Zuba joins the dance for a relationship]''
:'''Alex''': Dad, what are you doing?
:'''Zuba''': I'm dancing with my son! I think.
:♪See, I've been travelin', been travelin' forever♪
:'''Alex''': Don't think, Dad. Feel! Butterfly!
:♪But now that I found a home, feels like I'm in heaven♪ ♪See, I've been travelin', been travelin' forever♪
:'''Zuba''': I'm feeling it! I'm feeling it!
:♪But now that I'm home, feels like I'm in heaven♪
:'''Both''': '''''ROOOOAAARRR!!!!!'''''
:''[Everyone is cheering for Alex and Zuba and they drop the weapons]''
:'''Nana''': That was beautiful. Now let's eat!
:'''Alex''': Dad, look out!
:'''Zuba''': What the...?
:'''Marty''': Alex, get in!
:'''Alex''': She's got a gun! Let's get out while we can!
:'''Marty''': What? 
:'''Alex''': She's got a gun! Let's get out while we can! Pass it on.
:''[the chimpanzees chatter the message all the way up the chain]''
:'''Mason''': He said, &quot;Let’s have some fun and take out the dam. Basset hound!&quot;
:'''Marty''': Skipper, Alex wants to take out the dam!
:'''Skipper''': All right. ''[on the intercom]'' It's his funeral.
:'''Marty''': What?
:'''Skipper''': ''[on the intercom]'' Hard to port!
:'''Gloria''': Aye-aye, Skippy!
:'''Melman''': Bring it on! Bring it on! Whoo!
:'''Nana''': Come back! That's my dinner!
:'''Skipper''': Kowalski, full throttle. Music.
:'''Private''': ''[puts in a tape that plays &quot;At The Copa (Copacabana)&quot; by Barry Manilow]'' Oh, I like this song.
:'''Kowalski''': It never gets old.
:'''Skipper''': It does have a catchy hook. Come about! Bring her in low! ''[on the intercom]'' Hold on to your skirts! It's dam-busting time!
:'''Gloria''': Hold on tight, baby! Here we go!
:'''Alex''': Tell them, &quot;No! Pull up! They'll kill us! There's got to be another way!&quot; Pass it on!
:''[the chimpanzees chatter the message all the way up the chain]''
:'''Mason''': They said, &quot;No! Pull up! They'll kill us! There's got to be another way, Basset Hound!&quot;
:'''Marty''': Are you sure?
:'''Skipper''': Men, there's no sacrifice greater than someone else's. ''[&quot;Doll's&quot; head gets blown off by Nana's shotgun]'' '''''NO!! MEDIC!!!''' [Rico pulls out the tape while Nana throws away her shotgun before swinging her purse] '''RAMMING SPEED!!!!'''''
:'''Nana''': ''[twirling her purse]'' Bring it on! ''[all scream as they're about to crash head-first into the dam]'' Bad kitties.
:'''King Julien''': I don't know why the sacrifice didn't work. The science seemed so solid. I'd jump right in that volcano if I wasn't so good at whistling. ''[as he blows raspberries, Mort suddenly shows up behind them]''
:'''Mort''': Oh! Oh-ho! It's you! I found you!
:'''King Julien''': Mort? ''[as Mort staggers towards Julien and Maurice, the shark comes up behind him and chases him again]''
:'''Mort''': Bad fishy! ''[the trio jumps out of the way as the shark jumps into the lava below; Mort giggles after the shark has died]''
:'''Maurice''': I wonder if the gods like seafood.
:'''King Julien''': Let's go find out. ''[the trio climbs up to the edge and witness the water rushing back into Africa]'' Look, Maurice.
:'''Maurice''': That was quick.
:'''King Julien''': I did it! I did it! I did it! ''[the volcano briefly erupts, then goes quiet again]'' Okay, you did it!
:'''Mort''': Oh, yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hippo''': Look!
:'''Animals''': It's Alakay! It's Zuba! You did it! Alakay, Zuba, you did it!
:'''Florrie''': Zuba! Alakay! You're back! I'm so glad you're safe!
:'''Makunga''': Out of my way. Well, well, well. You know, Zuba, if I remember correctly, you quit the pride. And you were kicked out. So don't think for an instant that this changes anything.
:'''Alex''': You're right. In fact, we humbly present you with this token of appreciation. It's a man bag. Very popular where I'm from.
:'''Makunga''': I don't know what to say.
:'''Alex''': You can still be tough and carry your stuff.
:'''Makunga''': My, does this strip adjust? Yes. I think this will go very nicely for me when I go out hiking, but I'm afraid you're still banished.
:'''Alex''': We figured you'd say that. ''[Zuba pulls down the bucket, revealing that Nana was inside it]''
:'''Nana''': ''[gasps]'' My handbag! ''[looks at Makunga] You bad kitty! [kicks Makunga's crotch, steps on his foot, uses her ruler to hit his hand and wet willies his left ear]''
:'''Makunga''': ''[last words]'' No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! ''[Nana rubs his arms that it burns before spanking Makunga's butt]'' '''ARGH!!!!'''
:'''Alex''': ''[winces]'' Ow! ''[Nana grabs Makunga by the ear before dragging him away. Zuba picks up his staff and holds it to his son]''
:'''Zuba''': You deserve this, son. Welcome to the pride.
:'''Alex''': Thanks, Dad... but this belongs to you.
:'''Zuba''': No, no, son. To us! ''[father and son then raise the staff in the air for the animals to see]'' My son! The King of New York!
:'''Florrie''': Whoo! That's my baby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Scene cuts to the wedding day where Skipper and his doll girlfriend get married]''
:'''Zuba''': Love transcends all differences. We are gathered here today to celebrate such a love. Do you take each other, for better or for worse?
:'''Skipper''': For better, please.
:'''Alex''': What a beautiful, weird couple!
:'''Melman''': That's not going to last.
:'''Private''': Can I kiss the bride, Skipper?
:'''Skipper''': No! Music!
:''[More than a Feeling by Boston plays again]''
:'''Skipper''': Struts.
:'''Kowalski''': Check.
:'''Skipper''': Flaps!
:'''Kowalski''': Check.
:'''Skipper''': Diamonds and gold.
:'''Kowalski''': Check.
:'''Florrie''': Bye-bye!
:'''Zuba''': We'll miss you!
:'''Florrie''': See you later!
:'''Skipper''': We'll be back after the honeymoon in Monte Carlo, or whenever the gold runs out.
:'''Zuba''': Take care yourself!
:'''Florrie''': Come back soon!
:'''Alex''': You know Mom, let them take their time. New York isn't going anywhere, right, guys?
:'''Marty''': Yeah! You're right about that! Hey!
:'''Melman''': As long as I'm with her... and you two, I don't care where we are. She has the most amazing laugh.
:'''Marty''': Love has no boundaries!
:'''Alex''': Well, looks like you're stuck with us for a while. Dad? What's wrong? I just thought we could hang out a bit and...
:''[Zuba makes faces of angry and happy, then he laughs]''
:'''Marty''': Hey!
:'''Alex''': You got me!
:'''Zuba''': I got you, son! ''[Scatting]''
:'''Alex''': You got me with. You did my thing. You brought it back around on me. I love it.
:'''Zuba''': ''[Scatting]'' I got you, son!
:'''Alex''': The old man's not too bad, eh, Marty?
:'''Marty''': Marty? Who's Marty?
:'''Alex''': Come on!
:'''Marty''': I don't know no Marty. No call me Marty.
:'''Alex''': You can't fool me!
:'''Marty''': I don't see no Marty. Ain't no Marty here.
:'''Alex''': Marty! I can look into your eyes, and I know it's you.
:♪See, I've been travelin', been travelin' forever♪ ♪But now that I found a home, feels like I'm in heaven♪ ♪See, I've been travelin', been travelin' forever♪ ♪But now that I'm home, feels like I'm in heaven♪
:'''Julien''': Hey! Shake the hot things!
:'''All''': '''WHOO!!!'''
:'''Julien''': Shake the hot things!
:'''All''': '''WHOO!!!'''
:'''Julien''': Shake 'em! Shake 'em! Shake 'em! Shake 'em!
:''[The story will be continued on the midquel of Valentine's Day and the third movie…]''
:''[Will.I.Am's &quot;I Like to Move it&quot; plays in the end credits and then shows the memoriam text &quot;For our friend Bernie Mac, thanks for all the laughter!&quot;]''

== Taglines == 
* Still together, still lost.
* You got to move it move it. You got to move it.
* ''[from trailer]'' This fall, your favorite castaways are going home.
* ''[from trailer]'' They thought they were going home. They thought wrong.
* ''[from trailer]'' On November seventh, for these castaways, it is a jungle out there.
* ''[from trailer]'' From DreamWorks, to survive in Africa, they will have to get in touch with their wild side.

== Voice cast ==
*[[Ben Stiller]] — Alex the Lion
**Quinlin &quot;Quinn&quot; Dempsey Stiller&lt;br&gt;Declan Swift — Young Alex
*[[Chris Rock]] — Marty the Zebra / Additional Zebras
** Thomas Stanley — Young Marty
*[[w:David Schwimmer|David Schwimmer]] — Melman Mankiewicz the Giraffe
**[[w:Zachary Gordon|Zachary Gordon]] — Young Melman
*[[w:Jada Pinkett Smith|Jada Pinkett Smith]] — Gloria the Hippo
**[[w:Willow Smith|Willow Smith]] — Young Gloria
*[[Sacha Baron Cohen]] — Julien the Lemur
*[[w:Cedric the Entertainer|Cedric the Entertainer]] — Maurice the Lemur
*[[w:Andy Richter|Andy Richter]] — Mort the Lemur
*[[w:Bernie Mac|Bernie Mac]] &lt;small&gt;(final role)&lt;/small&gt; — Zuba the Alpha Lion
*[[Alec Baldwin]] — Makunga the Rival Lion
*[[w:Sherri Shepherd|Sherri Shepherd]] — Florrie the Alpha Lioness
*[[w:will.i.am|will.i.am]]'— Moto Moto the Hippo
*[[w:Tom McGrath (animator)|Tom McGrath]] — Skipper the Penguin
*[[w:Chris Miller (animator)|Chris Miller]] — Kowalski the Penguin
*[[w:Christopher Knights|Chris Knights]] — Private the Penguin
*[[John DiMaggio]] — Rico the Penguin
*[[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] — Mason the Chimpanzee
*[[w:Elisa Gabrielli|Elisa Gabrielli]] — Nana the Old Lady
*[[w:Jeffrey Katzenberg|Jeffrey Katzenberg]] — Moon Boy

== Dedication ==
* For our friend, [[w:Bernie Mac|Bernie Mac]]. Thanks for all of the laughter.

==See also==
*''[[Madagascar (2005 film)|Madagascar]]'', a 2005 DreamWorks film also written and directed by Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath.
*''[[Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted|3: Europe's Most Wanted]]'', the third film.
* [[The Penguins of Madagascar|''The Penguins of Madagascar'' (TV show)]]
** [[Penguins of Madagascar|''Penguins of Madagascar'' (movie)]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0479952}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=madagascar_escape_2_africa}}

{{Madagascar}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2008 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2008 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Madagascar|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American sequel films|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Films directed by Eric Darnell|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about zebras|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about giraffes|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about hippopotamuses|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about elephants|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about rhinoceroses|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about penguins|Madagascar 2]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Madagascar]]
[[Category:Animated films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Kenya]]
[[Category:Animated films set in jungles]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Talk:Poetry</title>
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        <username>Ulftomme</username>
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      <text bytes="2844" sha1="1263wvj058c4jbs2vwkgyl9tobzqj6q" xml:space="preserve">==Right now, almost all of featured quotes with photos on this page are from lightskinned males==
*It seems like it would be more balanced and less political if we equally represented men and women, as well as people from each continent if this page is meant to represent poetry worldwide and not limited to certain subcultures in the west. I will be adding quotes about art by women of color to the page, but I'm not sure about appropriate ways to make adjustments to which quotes are featured prominently vs not [[User:A23423413|A23423413]] ([[User talk:A23423413|talk]]) 17:14, 1 July 2023 (UTC)

==Unsourced==

* All poets are superior/ To 'Rithmetic's best guys./ They work with all the Alphabet/ Not just the 'X' and 'y'
** [[J. Byron Kennedy]]

* Poetry is this screaming madwoman. Everything seems poetry. Madmen gaze high. Everything seems madness. Madmen fear no moon, fear no fire. Burns of flesh are poetry. Madmen's wounds are poetry. The witch's crime was poetry. Magic knew how to find its poetry. The star wasn't poetry before the madwoman discovered it.
** [[Giannina Braschi]]

* To cut the Gordian knot is not the same as to untie it. Children and lunatics cut what the poet patiently spends his life in trying to untie.
** [[Jean Cocteau]]

* I think one of poetry's functions is not to give us what we want... [T]he poet isn't always of use to the tribe. The tribe thrives on the consensual. The tribe is pulling together to face the intruder who threatens it. Meanwhile, the poet is sitting by himself in the graveyard talking to a skull.
** [[Heather McHugh]]

* Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
** [[Leonard Cohen]]

* Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful.
** [[Rita Dove]]

* Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them.
** [[Dennis Gabor]]

* Poetry is the best of any language.
** [[Nathaniel Wenger]]

* Poetry is the one place where people can speak their original human mind. It is the outlet for people to say in public what is known in private.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]]

* The poet doesn't invent. He listens.
** [[Jean Cocteau]]

* You will find poetry nowhere unless you bring some of it with you.
** [[Joseph Joubert]]

== What I Think About Poetry ==

I like poetry because it uses words in a beautiful way to share feelings and ideas. It’s amazing how a few lines can make you feel so much and something new. For me, poetry is a very special way people express themselves. [[User:Gabbydane|Gabbydane]] ([[User talk:Gabbydane|talk]]) 01:25, 29 June 2025 (UTC)

== Quotation ==

´´ Only poetry - only the invention of poets - can make visible a deeper layer, a kind of truth.`` ( Werner Herzog. ´´ Der Spiegel `` 33/22.) [[User:Ulftomme|Ulftomme]] ([[User talk:Ulftomme|talk]]) 15:38, 11 June 2026 (UTC)</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
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      <text bytes="7087" sha1="e59a7mv67wmylx68uyxww7ylhj9jcfs" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf|Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf]]''' is a 1988 animated made-for-television film produced by Hanna-Barbera for syndication as part of the Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10 series about Shaggy is turned into a werewolf, and it's up to Scooby, Scrappy and his girlfriend, Googie, to help him win the contest.
{{center|'''The New Scooby-Doo Movie You'll Howl For!''' ([[#Tagline|tagline]])}}

==Scooby-Doo==
* Oops, sorry.
* Uh-oh! He's catching up!
* Oh, no! The train!
* ''[unmasks the werewolf]'' Just kiddin'! Scooby-Dooby-Doo! ''[chuckles]''

== Shaggy ==
* I don't know why she’s so uptight. ''[transforms into a werewolf]'' Just because... ''[transforms back to normal]'' I have a little case of... ''[transforms into a werewolf]'' hiccups.
* Like, why do girls always scream in these dreadful horror movies?
* Some people can choke up anything.
* ''[while being chased by the crowd]'' Hey, like, I know I'm not handsome, but I'm no monster!
* ''[after the crowd chases him again]'' Not again! Like, this is nuts!

== Dracula ==
* Shah-Gee? Shah-Gee?! What kind of a name is Shah-Gee?
* ''[attempting to stop the monsters from fighting]'' WAIT A MINUTE!
* Wolfgong, drop a cage. ''[Wolfgong drops a cage on himself]'' Not on you, stupid, on them!
* Silence!
* I'm such a dirty guy.
* ''[to Shaggy]'' Now, you're beginning to bug me. ''[to the crowd]'' Your nerves bug me too.
* What's the matter with all of you?! How could you let that werewolf make monster monkeys out of you?! Put those pedals to the metal!
* ''[singing]'' Pardon me, boy, is this the Transylvania choo-choo?
* ''[talking about Vanna]'' Her mind wanders, and she just goes along for the ride.
* &quot;Sorry&quot;?! That's not the way it was supposed to come out!
* ''[tricking Shaggy into taking a detour into the tar pits]'' Shaggy's road is the pits. ''Tar'' pits, that is.
* That's what he thinks. ''(sing song)'' We're back!

== Others ==
* '''Brunch''': Ah, yes, allow me translate. Crunch said &quot;Top ho, everyone.&quot;
* '''Brunch''': He said &quot;Ta-ta for now.&quot;
* '''Brunch''': We have the master's reluctant werewolf!
* '''Googie''': Go, Shaggy, go! Don't be a bust! Leave the other guys in the dust! Yay, Shaggy!
* '''Googie''': Go, Shaggy, go! Keep up the pace! Go all the way and win the race! Yay!
* '''Googie''': Way to go, Shaggy! Give it the gun! You're gonna finish number one! Yay, Shaggy!
* '''Googie''': Shaggy, don't drink too fast. You'll get the hiccups.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Vanna Pira''': ''[reading about Shaggy]'' It says he's an American, and he's cute.
:'''Dracula''': A cute werewolf? Bah, the Hunch Bunch will take care of that.
:'''Vanna Pira''': Oh, no! Not the Hunch Bunch!
:'''Frankenstein''': Not the Hunch Bunch!
:'''Swamp Monster''': Oh, yuck!
:'''Witch''': They're so awful!
:'''Frankenstein''': And so horrible!
:'''Dracula''': Yes! ''[laughs]'' The Hunch Bunch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dracula''': Get off, Crunch, you monster mush mouth! I want to speak with Brunch.
:'''Brunch''': Yes, Your Evilness, we had a spot of bad luck this evening. But never fear, we'll bank your werewolf tomorrow night or our name isn't the Hunch Bunch.
:'''Dracula''': You better or your name will be Mud. Or maybe even Blood!
:'''Crunch''': ''[Horrified]'' BLOOD?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crunch''': Master!
:'''Brunch''': Master, wha-what are you doing here?
:'''Dracula''': Aha! I am not here. This is my image transmitted by my Bat Laser. How do I look? ''[opens his cape, revealing to lose his pants]''
:'''Brunch''': I think you lost something in the transmission, sire.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crunch''': Movie monsters. Ah, phooey!
:'''Brunch''': Yes, I quite agree. They don't resemble us in the least.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brunch''': Hello, what's this? Oh, it's you, master.
:'''Dracula''': Yes, well, where is my Shah-Gee werewolf?
:'''Brunch''': Over there, you buffooness.
:'''Dracula''': Excellent. Well, what are you waiting for? Go and get him.
:'''Brunch''': Well, there's one minor problem, sire. It seems he has the hiccups.
:'''Dracula''': Hiccups? Hiccups? Big deal! So what if he has the hiccups? ''[sees Shaggy transforming from normal to werewolf]'' Oh no, convertible werewolf! You get rid of his hiccups fast or I'll put lumps in your humps!
:'''Brunch''': Rest assured, sire. We'll have him back at the castle within the hour.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby-Doo''': There's a monster on the loose.
:'''Shaggy''': There's two of them, and the crowd thinks one of the monsters is me.
:'''Scooby-Doo''': You? ''[laughs with Shaggy, who is also laughing, and accidentally hiccups, but transforms into a werewolf. Scooby gasps]'' It ''is'' you!
:'''Shaggy''': What?!
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Look.
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm a werewolf! Scooby, old buddy, old pal, what do I do? Scooby?! ''[sees Scooby attempting to run away]'' Come back here! You gotta help me, Scoob, old friend, old pal, old dear good buddy!
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Googie''': Stop this car, you yucky monster! What did you do to Shaggy?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, knock it off, Googie! I ''am'' Shaggy!
:'''Googie''': Oh, no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Googie''': Oh, Shag, you poor dear! Why would such a thing happen to you?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, how should I know? Phew. I guess we lost them.

== Tagline==
*The New Scooby-Doo Movie You'll Howl For!

==Voice cast==
*[[w:Don Messick|Don Messick]] - [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Scrappy-Doo|Scrappy-Doo]]
*[[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] - [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy]] / Werewolf
*[[w:B. J. Ward (actress)|B.J. Ward]] - Googie, Repulsa and Woman on TV
*[[w:Hamilton Camp|Hamilton Camp]] - Dracula, Police Officer and Man in Drive-In
*[[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Frankenstein, Dragonfly, Wolfgong, Snack Bar Manager, Genghis Kong and Monster on TV
*[[w:Joan Gerber|Joan Gerber]] - Short Witch, Woman at Store
*[[w:Ed Gilbert|Ed Gilbert]] - Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Snyde, Spooky Voice, Doorknob and the Narrator
*[[w:Brian Stokes Mitchell|Brian Stokes Mitchell]] - Bonejangles
*[[w:Pat Musick|Pat Musick]] - Vanna Pira and Girl in Drive-In #1
*[[w:Alan Oppenheimer|Alan Oppenheimer]] - The Mummy and Swamp Thing
*[[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] - Brunch, Ghost and Man in Car
*Mimi Seton - Tall Witch Sister, Girl in Drive-In #2, Boy in Drive-In and Screamer
*[[Frank Welker]] - Crunch, the Spider Monster, Plant Monster, Tyler Country Racer #1, Rooster and Schlockness Monster

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0189072|title=Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:1988 animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated TV films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo animated films]]
[[Category:Films about werewolves]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in castles]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]</text>
      <sha1>e59a7mv67wmylx68uyxww7ylhj9jcfs</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dexter's Laboratory</title>
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      <text bytes="72804" sha1="exljrhcwfcfdg2x857tpbnj8adk73hg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''Dexter's Laboratory''''', otherwise known as simply '''''Dexter's Lab''''', '''''Dexter''''', '''''Laboratory''''' or '''''Lab''''', is an American animated television series created by Genndy Tartakovsky for Cartoon Network. It centers on a boy genius named Dexter who uses inventions to solve problems in his life. It was released on Cartoon Network on April 27th, 1996. In December 10th, 1999, Ego Trip was released. The show continues to be on its own channel and on the Cartoon Network chanel on YouTube. 

== Pilots ==
===''Dimwit Dexter''===
:'''Factory Worker #1''': Sir, he can't make much long!
:'''Factory Worker #2''': Just a little longer.
:'''Factory Worker #3''': His sim asses are firing in arming incredibly rage.
:'''Factory Worker #4''': Puncher rising!
:'''Factory Worker #5''': She can't take it!
:'''Factory Worker #6''': Run for your life!
:''[Angrily, Dexter's face turns red, and Dexter begins to let out a loud yell with rage]''
:'''Factory Worker #7''': RUN! ''[The factory workers flee and run away]''
:''[Cut to the outside of Dexter's Lab, Dexter explodes and causes fires in his lab]''
:'''Factory Worker #8''': Shut it down.
:''[The factory workers shut down the emotion factory, Dexter is seen naked and emotionless]''
:'''Factory Worker #9''': He said all the systems have shut down.
:'''Neighbor Boy''': Hey, everyone! Dexter's running around in his underpants! ''[echoing]'' Underpants! Underpants! Underpants!

== Season 1 ==

===''Dee Deemensional'' [1.1a]===
:''[Dexter is being eaten by a monster and gives Dee Dee a message]''
:'''Dexter''': Take it! Give it to me in the past or I may not have a future! ''[Dee Dee turns the knob to the past]'' Dee Dee, you have to be inside the machine!
:'''Dee Dee''': Like this? ''[then disappears from the machine]''
:'''Dexter''': I'm doomed...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Stop! If there was a message so important that it would require time travel, I would certainly not entrust it to my ''idiot'' sister. I would send myself. In other words... ''[shouting]'' I would not send you back in time even if..! If..If...I was being eaten alive!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': It is up to you Dee Dee's! ''[the monster shakes salt on Dexter and eats him]'' Use my time machine! Go back into...the past...and give me this message...!
:'''Dee Dee''': Message! You mean this message?
:'''Dexter''': ''[reads the note]'' &quot;Dexter, do not open the interdimensional doorway there's a monster inside. Best wishes, Dexter.&quot; But this is the message I just wrote! That means that I...That she...That this...WAIT! ''[the Dee Dee's both disappeared in the machine]'' I'm doomed.

===''Dial M for Monkey: Magmanamus'' [1.1b]===

===''Maternal Combat'' [1.1c]===
:''[Dexter goes into the kitchen and sees Dee Dee mixing a bowl]''
:'''Dexter''': What exactly are you making Dee Dee?
:'''Dee Dee''': A pie
:'''Dexter''': By any chance that wouldn't be a POISON PIE! would it?
:'''Dee Dee''': No. ''[Pours flour into the mixing bowl]''
:'''Dexter''': What is that white stuff that you are adding in?
:'''Dee Dee''': Flour.
:'''Dexter''': Aha! Flowers are for smelling they are not for eating. Poison!
:'''Dee Dee''': Not poison, flour. Now go sit down and let me finish. Hmm, let's see ''[Dee Dee reads a mud pie recipe and grabs a handful of mud from a flower box and puts it into the mixing bowl]''
:''[Later Dexter and Dee Dee see the pie baking in the oven]''
:'''Dexter''': Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy I can hardly wait! ''[Dee Dee serves the pie in front of Dexter and Dexter takes a bite of it]'' Light flaky crust, rich taste, but I can't quite place the flavor, is it chocolate?
:'''Dee Dee''': No.
:'''Dexter''': Poison berry?
:'''Dee Dee''': No.
:'''Dexter''': I give up, what is it?
:'''Dee Dee''': Mud.
:'''Dexter''': Oh mud, I would have never guessed. Mud?! ''[Dexter spits it out]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Dad happily returns home to find two smoking robots and the shifty looking kids]''
:'''Dad''': Hmm, need to get that couch a polster. Hello honey! Hello Dexter! Hello Dee Dee! Hello honey! Hello honey!

===''Dexter Dodgeball'' [1.2a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[Hands his excuse note to the &quot;Coach&quot; and happily walks away]'' If you need me, I'll be in the Science Lab.
:'''Substitute Coach''': What's this crap?
:'''Dexter''': ''[Turns around in shock]'' Who are you?
:'''Substitute Coach''': I'm your Substitute Coach.
:'''Dexter''': But, But, But...
:'''Substitute Coach''': '''QUIET!'''
:'''Dexter''': But my excuse!
:'''Substitute Coach''': ''[Rips the excuse letter in half]'' What Excuse?! Now! Suit up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Coach''': ''[recurring line, slow motion]'' Dodge...ball!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Boy''': Dexter, help me! Please help me! ''[A dodgeball hits him; the boy loses his grip on Dexter and slides off]'' Ugh! I... I'm hit! Good bye, Dexter...

===''Dial M for Monkey: Rasslor'' [1.2b]===
:'''Rasslor''': Welcome heroes of Earth! You have been chosen to receive the most glorious of gifts! The opportunity to face me, the great Rasslor, in a contest of strength and skill! For Aeons, I have scoured the cosmos searching for the one adversary who could provide me with suitable sport! Although, I have yet to find such a noble soul. Each creature, each race, more pitiful than the last. So I spare them the disgrace of their weakness by destroying their worlds! And now my quest has brought me to this timid little planet you call Earth. So, terrestrial heroes, can one of you quench my thirst for the divine conflict, the supreme struggle?! Or will your planet be doomed to the same fate that has befallen so many?
:''[The heroes stare at him, confused]''
:'''Heroes''': ...What?
:'''Rasslor''': Fight me or I destroy the Earth! Now let the games begin!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Rasslor''': Incredible. I could crush your body, I could smash your bones, but I could never break your spirit. You are a marvel little monkey. Any world that could spawn one as noble as you is truly blessed. I SPARE YOUR EARTH!

===''Dexter's Assistant'' [1.2c]===
:'''Dexter''': Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter''': ''[sweetly]'' Assistant?
:'''Dee Dee''': Yes?
:'''Dexter''': Would you please assist me by...SHUTTING UP!?

===''Dexter's Rival'' [1.3a]===
:'''Mandark''': Yes, Dexter, I ''can'' read your thoughts, and I ''am'' smarter than you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mandark''': Welcome to my laboratory! ''[Echoing]'' Laboratory! Laboratory!

===''Dial M for Monkey: Simion'' [1.3b]===
:'''Simion''': Brute force will get you nowhere. I am a man of class. Behold my succulent feast. King crab, swordfish, scalloped potatoes. But of course, if this is too rich for you, I'll have my cooks make you a ''[The shadowy warlord reveals to be a talking chimpanzee]'' banana split! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Simion''': I never thought all the answers would be given to me in such a simple package. How could I not see that I have become of that which I hate? Only a monkey could show me that. Oh, my friend! I want to walk like you, talk like you! 

===''Double Trouble'' [1.4a]===

===''Dial M for Monkey: Barbequor'' [1.4b]===

===''Jurassic Pooch'' [1.5a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[to the audience]'' Anybody want to buy a dinosaur? ''[episode ends]''

===''Dial M for Monkey: Orgon Grindor'' [1.5b]===

===''Dee Dee's Room'' [1.6a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[narrating]'' The horror. Of the landmarks in the home of my parents. My memory will forever rest in the room that belongs to my sister: Dee Dee.
:'''Dexter''': Why am I breathing so hard?

===''Dial M for Monkey: Huntor'' [1.6b]===

===''The Big Sister'' [1.6c]===
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[singsong]'' I ate your cookies! I ate your cookies! ''[blows a raspberry, turns on one foot and sticks her costume's tail in Dexter's face; she then ballet dances until she suddenly notices one of her arms then the other bursting out of her rat costume, which appear to be abnormally large and elongated; she then bursts out of the rat costume as a whole and starts growing to an immense size, with Dexter watching in dismay]'' Ooh, ''[points at the city]'' what's over there? ''[walks to the city just as Dexter heads out of the front door to watch his giantess sister entering the city]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[while jumping for joy]'' At last! With my sister gone, my intellectual pursuits shall be uninhibited! ''[walks toward the house then closes the front door]''

===''Star Spangled Sidekicks'' [1.7a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[laughs at Dexter's speech for wanting to be Major Glory's sidekick]''
:'''Dexter''': And what is so humorous about that? ''[Dee Dee continues laughing]'' Dee Dee stop this laughing this instant!
:'''Dee Dee''': Okay, okay Dexter, don't get your underwear into a wrinkle. Look...You're my brother and all so I'll be honest with ya...''[amused]'' You've gotta be kidding me! ''[seriously]'' You don't got what takes. Just look at ya...''[measures Dexter]'' You're two foot nothing. ''[camera zooms on Dexter's glasses]'' You can barely see ''[puts her arm around Dexter's shoulder]'' and besides everything...You're a dork! ''[smiles]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[yells in frustration]'' 
:'''Dexter''': And I suppose you have what it takes to be a superhero's sidekick?
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[shrugs]'' Of course. I have style, pizzazz, and I can punch and kick some. You know. ''[Dexter opens his mouth to talk]'' Yes?
:'''Dexter''': ''[drops it]'' Forget it. ''[walks upstairs]'' There's nothing to be said. I will be Major Glory's sidekick and you will not.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[shouts upstairs]'' That's what you think Dexter!
:'''Dexter''': No, Dee Dee! That's what I know.

===''The Justice Friends: TV Super Pals'' [1.7b]===

===''Game Over'' [1.7c]===
:'''Dexter''': 'Master Computer?' Wow dad, thanks, a video game... An OLD video game...
:'''Dad''': Well, I know how much you like gadgets and stuff, Dexter, but what you've got there is more than just a video game: It's a bargain! Got it for a nickel from a gypsy!

===''Babysitter Blues'' [1.8a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[sounds like Jeff on his end of the phone]'' Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with Dexter. Bye.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dee Dee''': Hello!
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee, get off the phone!
:'''Dee Dee''': Okay, but I'm still trying to find whatever it was I was looking for.
:'''Dexter''': Great, okay, bye.
:'''Dee Dee''': Bye!
:'''Dexter''': Bye.
:'''Dee Dee''': Bye!
:'''Dexter''': BYE!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dexter''': ''[sounds like Lisa's boyfriend on her end of the phone]'' Oh, I guess we just got cut off. But I wanted to call you back and tell you that you have got cooties and I am love with....with...my football. Bye.

===''The Justice Friends: Valhallen's Room'' [1.8b]===

===''Dollhouse Drama'' [1.9a]===

===''The Justice Friends: Krunk's Date'' [1.9b]===

===''The Big Cheese'' [1.9c]===
:'''Dexter''': Omelette du fromage.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Bully''': Hey, Dexter! You talkin' to our girls?
:'''Dexter''': ''[desperate]'' Omelette du fromage! Omelette du fromage.
:'''Bully''': Hey, whoa, slow down, buddy. I didn't know it was like that, man.

===''Way of the Dee Dee'' [1.10a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[enraged at Dee Dee]'' '''WHY DO YOU DO THIS?! YOU ARE SO STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! '''Oh, and let's not forget...'''''YOU EEDIOT!'''''
:'''Stimpy''': Ow! ''[Rubs her face]'' Oh yeah!? Well just because I know how to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid! I may not know all that scientifical makna logical stuff, but I know how to climb a tree, and I know how to pet a kitty just right. And I know how to tie my own shoes Mr zipper boot!... Actually, I feel sorry for you, Dexter. You're like a pickle - sour, and all bottled up in your laboratory. Toiling away alone in the dark, searching for answers to questions nobody asked. Locked away from the world, never to experience the ''true'' mysteries of life. Well, you can keep your cold, sterile little lab, because for me, the world is my laboratory! Goodbye, Dexter. I shan't impose on you ever again.
:''[She leaves the lab; after a moment of silent contemplation, Dexter rushes out after her]''
:'''Dexter''': DEE DEE! ''[sadly]'' Everything you said was true! I don't want to be a pickle! But I need your help. Show me the way to be free, show me the way of the Dee Dee!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Stimpy''': guess what ren?
:'''Dexter''': WHAT IS IT YOU STUPID IDIOT!
:'''Stimpy''': Duh, i Will date dee dee, if she is beatiful, especially her dress
:'''Dexter''': NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dee Dee''': Discard those ravlings which tie you to the lab. ''[Dexter looks down at his clothes]'' There must be a stripping of the old, before you start anew. ''[The next shot shows Dexter in just his underwear and gloves, in a nervous &quot;Ta-Da!&quot; pose]'' AND the gloves. ''[He reluctantly pulls them off]'' Now step into the light.
:'''Dexter''': But, I don't have any sunscreen.
:'''Dee Dee''': Do not fear, little one. The first step is always the hardest.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ren''': Alright Stimpy all you have to do is...
:'''Stimpy''': What?
:'''Ren''': DESTROY MY LABORATORY
[Stimpy screams in pain]
:'''Stimpy''': i can't do it ren, why did you let me to destroy your lab you eediot?
:'''Ren''': and now, break up with Dee dee, because she keeps playing on my laboratory
:'''Stimpy''': I CAN&quot;T!
:'''Ren''': DO IT! OR YOU WILL GET KICKED OUT!
:'''Stimpy''': fine, i Will
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===''The Justice Friends: Say Uncle Sam'' [1.10b]===
:'''Major Glory''': Now we are going to over this again and again and again until we get it right! Comprende?
:''[Valhallen and Krunk glare at Major Glory angrily]''
:'''Major Glory''': ''[Nervously]'' Perhaps I've pushed you too hard?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Major Glory''': Uncle Sam! What happened to you?!
:'''Uncle Sam''': Doctor's orders, nephew. Told me I was too high strung. Told me to loosen up. And I feel great.

===''Tribe Called Girl'' [1.10c]===

===''Spacecase'' [1.11a]===

===''The Justice Friends: Ratman'' [1.11b]===

===''Dexter's Debt'' [1.11c]===

===''The Justice Friends: Bee Where?'' [1.12b]===

===''Mandarker'' [1.12c]===

===''Inflata Dee Dee'' [1.13a]===

===''The Justice Friends: Can't Nap'' [1.13b]===

===''Monstory'' [1.13c]===

== Season 2 ==
===''Beard to Be Feared'' [2.1a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': That is one rugged brother...
:'''Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee''': Shut your mouth!
:'''Dee Dee''': I'm only talkin' 'bout Dexter.
:'''Mee-Mee and Lee-Lee''': We can dig it.

===''Quackor the Fowl'' [2.1b]===

===''Ant Pants'' [2.1c]===
:'''Dexter''': Ants are...
:'''Ed''': Stinky Hat!
:'''Dexter''': To be respected.
:'''Ed''': Stinky Hat!
:'''Dexter''': To be respected.
:'''Ed''': Stinky Hat!
:'''Dexter''': To be respected.

===''Mom and Jerry'' [2.2a]===

===''Chubby Cheese'' [2.2b]===
:'''Evil Commander''': We will meet again, little man.
:'''Pedro The Mouse''': Yes!

===''That Crazy Robot'' [2.2c]===
:'''Robot''': I'll come to school with you.
:'''Dee Dee''': Silly robot! School is for kids.

===''D &amp; DD'' [2.3a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': You can be this guy!
:'''Dexter''': What?!
:'''Valerian''': Well, it seems Hodo the furry-footed burrower has joined in our quest!
:'''Dexter''': I don't wanna be no furry-footed burrower.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter/Hodo''': I unsheath my deadly...mandolin?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dee Dee/Bachelorette''': Okay, say we're stranded alone on an island. Do you have any skills that would come in handy, bachelor number 4?
:'''Dexter/Hodo''': I'd dig holes.

===''Hamhocks and Armlocks'' [2.3b]===
:'''Midge''': We ain't got no menus. We got hamburgers, ham sandwiches, and... hamhocks.
:'''Dad''': Oh, well, we'll have four hamburgers, please!
:'''Midge''': No, you won't.
:'''Dad''': ''[confused]'' OK, ham sandwiches then!
:'''Midge''': Trust me, you don't want em. HEY, MEL! FOUR ORDERS OF HAMHOCKS!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Midge''': ''[seeing the robotic arm]'' My, that's a fancy watch.
:'''Dad''': ''[looking at the watch on his non-robotic arm]'' Thanks!

===''Hunger Strikes'' [2.4a]===

===''The Koos is Loose'' [2.4b]===
:'''Koosalagoopagoop''': You know, if you turn your lips inside out, you can look like Jimmy Carter.

===''Morning Stretch'' [2.4c]===

===''Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster'' [2.5a]===
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': OK, enough with ze huffing and puffing! I blow 'is block off unless you can guess my name! 
:'''Dee Dee Locks''': Um... The little bad wolf? 
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': Ze WHAT bad wolf?
:'''Dee Dee Locks''': The, um, small bad wolf?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[growls]''
:'''Dee Dee Locks''': The...medium-?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[growls louder]''
:'''Dee Dee Locks''': The, uh... big bad wolf?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': ''[laughs triumphantly]''
:'''Dee Dee Locks''': Ja, everyone? It's the ''&quot;Big&quot;'' Bad Wolf!

===''Backfire'' [2.5b]===
:'''Dexter''': At last! I have discovered a way to shorten the suffering of those long family road trips trapped in the car with Dee Dee! By blasting the car with anti-matter, it can accelerate to near light speed, shortening the trip to an increment of time so small. ''[Dexter picks a potion up]'' Even I couldn't stand to be around Dee Dee that long, and just in time too. It's sunrise! The family road trip begins in three hours! ''[Dexter walks near the car]'' Dad's car. The gilded cage. My anti-matter will transform this simple vehicle. It consists of anti-particles with positron-surrounded nuclei imposed of anti-protons and anti-neutrons. It will allow the car to travel an infinite number of universes simultaneously. Or, in other words, really, really fast!

===''Book 'Em'' [2.5c]===
:''[In a library, they go to the checkout counter]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Here are my selections for today, Ms. L.
:'''Ms. L''': My, my, Dexter. What a big stack you have. Why, Dexter, you're quite the little scholar. ''[She pinches Dexter's cheek]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Aw, shucks.
:'''Dee Dee''': Oh, brother.
:''[Ms. L starts checking out the books]''
:'''Ms. L''': You know, if you keep this reading up, you'll be the patron of the month all of next year too. I don't think even Einstein himself was such an avid reader as you, Dexter. ''[Dee Dee reaches her hand up the stack of books and takes one of them down]'' No television, no donuts for you. I bet it's just all study, study, study day and night. Well, Dexter, I think you're all set. There you go.
:''[She gives Dexter his stack of checked out books and he leaves. Dee Dee looks at the book she took]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Thank you, Ms. L. Come on, Dee Dee.
:'''Dee Dee''': Hey, Dex! There's no pictures in this book!
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]'' Dee Dee! Come on!
:'''Dee Dee''': But you forgot...
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]''Dee Dee!
:'''Dee Dee''': You forgot to check out!
:'''Dexter''': ''[whispering]''Move it or lose it, sister!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Now I am going in. You just lower me down on this rope and I return the book. And remember: This is a library mission, so keep quiet!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[loudly]'' Okey dokey!
:'''Dexter''': ''[sigh]'' Hold this. ''[He hands Dee Dee one end of the rope and dives into the library]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Back sure hurts! ''[A butterfly flies in and Dee Dee is dazzled by it]'' Pretty. ''[She lets go of the rope and chases after the butterfly and Dexter starts falling]''
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee? ''[He falls]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter''': ''[quietly]'' How did you...? Wha...? How did you get...? That's it! I've had it with your monkey business!
:'''Dee Dee''': But...
:'''Dexter''': QUIET!
:''[A noise alarm triggers]''
:'''Computerized voice''': ''[whispering]'' Warning. Noise level exceeded.
:'''Dexter''': Whoops.

===''Sister's Got a Brand New Bag'' [2.6a]===

===''Shoo, Shoe Gnomes'' [2.6b]===
:''[After learning that Dee Dee was gonna pass out cookies to the gnomes]''
:'''Dexter''': Stupid me.

===''Lab of the Lost'' [2.6c]===
:'''Dexter''': Look, there's R2-D2!

===''Labels'' [2.7a]===
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Honey, why is the carpet all wet here?

===''Game Show'' [2.7b]===

===''Fantastic Boyage'' [2.7c]===

===''Filet of Soul'' [2.8a]===
:'''Dad''': What can we say about our beloved Fishy?
:'''Dee Dee''': Not much, we only had him for one day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Good night Einstein. Good night Major Glory! Good night, ghost of dead Fishy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! Did you see the disgusting spook-fish that almost killed me?
:'''Dee Dee''': No. I just like to run around and scream real loud!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[ghostly voice]'' Dexter! Dexter! Where are you?! Help me! Help me!
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee, are you playing tricks? ''[shakes fearfully]'' Hiding in the closet trying to scare me?
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[ghostly voice]'' Dexter! The toilet! The toilet!
:''[Dexter races to the bathroom to find Dee Dee's feet sticking out of the toilet; she is then flushed down the toilet]''
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! ''[Dee Dee is flushed down into the toilet bowl]'' No! Dee Dee, come back! Dee Dee, I'm ordering you to come out of this toilet!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[her apparition appears in the shower]'' ''Dexter, help me! I am trapped in the Sewer Beyond!''
:'''Dexter''': No, you're not! I just saw you go down the toilet!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''Listen to me! There's lots of bad fishies and stuff here and they won't let me go! They won't rest until Fishy is on the other side! You've got to flush Fishy, Dexter!''
:'''Dexter''': ''[tries to reach Fishy's corpse]'' Can't reach! It's no use! My arms, they are too short!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''Come on, genius boy! Figure it out!''
:'''Dexter''': ''[grabs a toilet plunger and pulls Dee Dee out. The apparition of Dee Dee disappears from the shower and Dee Dee is freed]'' Dee Dee, flush the fish, NOW!
:''[Dee Dee tosses Fishy's corpse into the toilet bowl and flushes it down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dee Dee''': Whew! I'm sure glad that's over. Huh?
:''[A tentacle extends out of the toilet bowl, grabs Dee Dee and pulls her back into the toilet]''
:'''Dexter''': LOOK OUT! EGAD!
:'''Dee Dee''': Help me! Dexter, it's pulling me back, and they're angry, Dexter, REAL ANGRY!
:'''Dexter''': ''[grabs the handle trying to pull Dee Dee free]'' Why?! We flushed the stupid fish!
:'''Dee Dee''': Its soul, Dexter! It's still in the trap! ''[the Apparition Containment Unit shakes up with a WARNING signal active in Dexter's room]'' DO SOMETHING! ''[Dexter reaches for the fishing rod and grabs it just as the toilet begins flushing her down]'' HEEEEEEEELP!
:''[Dexter casts his fishing rod which frees Fishy's soul and he departs into the afterlife. Dad then walks in]''
:'''Dad''': How many times have I told you? Early morning is daddy's special bathroom privacy time. ''[Upon the flash of lightning, he gains golden glowing eyes with slit pupils and sharp teeth and laughs maniacally]''

===''Golden Diskette'' [2.8b]===
:'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': You crazy girl! Look what you've done!
:'''Professor Hawk''': Not to worry boys. ''[to Dee Dee]'' Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. Thank you.
:'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': Hey! Hey! Hey! What's happening here, Professor?
:'''Professor Hawk''': Oh, now, boys, hold on. It's very simple. You see, for the past several years I focused on brain power leading my body to wither. But this young princess reminded me how important my body was, with her innocence and naivety.
:'''Dexter and Prof. Hawk's fans''': Princess?! But what about the mysterious grand prize?
:'''Professor Hawk''': Mmm-hmm. You're right. I've got it! Let's have dance contest. Whoever wins, wins the factory!

===''Snowdown'' [2.9a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[shouts from his bedroom to the living room]'' '''''DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!'''''
:'''Dad''': ''[calmly]'' Yes?
:'''Dexter''': I know she is my sister, a girl and the neighbourhood champ, but could you please tell Dee Dee to stop PUMMELLING ME WITH SNOWBALLS?!
:'''Dad''': ''[shocked with a gasp]'' Did you say...snowballs?
:'''Dexter''': Uh...Yeah....
:'''Dad''': ''[sadly]'' They...called me Champ. Back when I had...the gift. ''[flashes back to his childhood]'' I was a natural from day one. As I grew, so did my skills. In high school, I was untouchable!
:'''High school kid''': Hey, grow up man!
:'''Dad''': ''[voiceover]'' They were all just jealous! Jealous of my powers! For I was a king, a force of nature, I was the ultimate snowball warrior! Then I went to college. I was never the same again! ''[remembers being struck by one snowball; flashback ends]'' That...was the coldest winter...ever... But that's where you come in! You can help me reclaim my title!
:'''Dexter''': Why not just let Dee Dee do it?
:'''Dad''': No! Her powers are evil. Only as father and son can we truly carry on the legacy. Let the training begin!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dad''': Dexter, five words: Scoop, roll, throw, hit, duck!

===''Figure Not Included'' [2.9b]===

===''Mock 5'' [2.9c]===
:'''Dad''': The first thing any racer needs is a car! All the best racers drive cars it's how they go but cars don't grow on trees! Except this one 'cos it's made of wood. Behold, the Mock 5!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Mandark''': It's Racer D! The most beautiful racer in the world! Racer D.... ''[crashes his kart]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dad''': I can't look, did he crash? No! No, he did just the opposite, he won! Winning is the part I enjoy most about racing especially when the winner is my son! Congratulations Dexter, you've made me very proud.
:'''Dexter''': Thanks, Dad.
:'''Dad''': If only your.... ''[sniffling]'' older sister Dee Dee were here to see this...
:'''Dee Dee''': I'm right here, Dad!
:'''Dad''': Oh, Dee Dee..! Dee Dee, where have you been all these years?!
:'''Dee Dee''': Right behind you.
:'''Dad''': Oh, you know I never look back there, ha-ha!
:'''Dexter''': Huh?! No, Monkey! That's not candy! That's boiling lava!

===''Ewww That's Growth'' [2.10a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Hey Dexter, looks like we're next. Dexter?!
:'''Dexter''': Oh boy! Oh boy! We're next!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': I'm on top of the WORLD!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': This is the greatest day of my entire life! ''[his head gets hit by the top edge of the roller coaster's tunnel]''

===''Nuclear Confusion'' [2.10b]===
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[narrating] Dexter, I have hidden your funny glowy thing! Now you have to find it! Just follow the clues! Won't this be fun?''
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! She does not realize the danger she has caused! If I do not retrieve the nuclear core in 1 hour, it will meltdown, causing a chain reaction which will destroy the Earth! And I won't be able to read my book! ''[runs]'' No time to waste!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': ''[reads]'' Clue #1. Apple, cherry, blueberry. Are squared. Which pie holds the next clue? ''[tries to touch the pie]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Dexter?
:'''Dexter''': Yipe! ''[turns to mom]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Ah... If you wanted some pie, all you have to do is ask. Which flavour do you want?
:'''Dexter''': One of each.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Once again, my enormous intellect has triumphed. Now I can test my new lamp and read my book and... ''[finds out the book is gone and the paper is in the same place]'' No! The book is gone? How can-? Huh? ''[reads the paper]''
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[narrating] Dear Dexter, if you want to get your book back, just follow the clues!''
:'''Dexter''': Nooo! Deeee Deeeeee!

===''Germ Warfare'' [2.10c]===

===''A Hard Day's Day'' [2.11a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Mom! Dexter's mooning me!

===''Road Rash'' [2.11b]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Can't catch me!

===''Ocean Commotion'' [2.11c]===

===''The Bus Boy'' [2.12a]===

===''The Justice Friends: Things That Go Bonk in the Night'' [2.12b]===
:'''Major Glory''': You want a piece of me, junior?!
:'''Puppet Pal Mitch''': Oh-hoo! You're bonking up the wrong tree, buddy!

===''Ol' McDexter'' [2.12c]===
:'''Jebediah''': Let me introduce you to the family.  My name's Jebediah. This here's my very plain wife. I just call her Wife. There's little Ezra. His sister. They're the children. And here's our senior citizen, Grandma. She don't move much but she makes one heck of a scarecrow.
:'''Grandma''': ''[squawks]''
:'''Jebediah''': We strive for simplicity here, Dexter. We do without those ''modern conveniences'' you take for granted.
:'''Dexter''': Like neural net computers? 
:'''Jebediah''': Like plumbing.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': ''[holds up a potato powered light]'' Hey Jebediah!
:'''Jebediah''': ''[screams in pain]'' My eyes!
:'''Dexter''': Look, I made a potato powered light just for you!
:'''Jebediah''': Evil! I'll be having none of this! You must be punished!

===''Sassy Come Home'' [2.13a]===
:'''Dexter''': Why is it taking so long? I should have been famous a minute ago.

===''Photo Finish'' [2.13b]===

===''Star Check Unconventional'' [2.14a]===

===''Dexter is Dirty'' [2.14b]===
:'''Mom''': Dex, it's time for your bath!
:'''Dexter''': But I'll miss my show!
:'''Mom''': Don't argue with me, young man, just do it!

===''Ice Cream Scream'' [2.14c]===
:'''Ice Cream Man''': You are wanting to know why? You mean you do not remember?
:'''Dexter''': Remember what?
:'''Ice Cream Man''': April 19, one year ago: It is first day on job. Everything is going great, until you come. You want the most expensive ice cream. I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream, but no, you want expensive one. And after I'm giving you ice cream, you pay with PENNIES. Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies?
:'''Dexter''': Emm... at an average human rate, I'd estimate about 5 hours and 33 minutes?
:'''Ice Cream Man''': Precisely. And when the counting was done, it is time to put pennies in safe. Then I'm noticing my shoelaces untied. Now, I couldn't very well stop to tie my shoes since somebody had given me a heavy jar of pennies to hold, and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money OVER a dollar in the safe. So, I trip, and I break my tooth. The pain, it is so bad. My girlfriend left me, I lose apartment, I lose car, I'm forced to live on the freeway with wild animals, I CAN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BECAUSE OF THE PAIN! '''ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID PENNIES!''' ''[screams in anger, then breathes heavily]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' You know, I still have all of my baby teeth. Ern... I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really, REALLY sorry.
:'''Ice Cream Man''': Forget about it, kid.
:'''Dexter''': Well, in that case, can I order my ice cream now?
:'''Ice Cream Man''': Sure.
:'''Dexter''': I'll just have a Choco-Pop, please. ''[the Ice Cream Man gives him a Choco-Pop ice cream]'' At last, ice cream to eat!
:'''Ice Cream Man''': Dollar fifty, please.
:'''Dexter''': ''[gives a hundred dollar bill to Ice Cream Man]'' You got change for a hundred?
:''[Ice Cream Man screams angrily again]''

===''Decode of Honor'' [2.15a]===

===''World's Greatest Mom'' [2.15b]===

===''Ultrajerk 2000'' [2.15c]===
:'''Ultrabot 2000''': Greetings, Dexter. Welcome to my laboratory.
:'''Dexter''': Emm, excuse me. But, did you say ''your'' laboratory?
:'''Ultrabot 2000''': Yes, Dexter. My laboratory. While you slumbered, I began an analysis of your primitive laboratory finding it to be highly inefficient. I discovered that by salvaging useful components and destroying obsolete ones, I was able to create this tower capable of performing functions thousands of times greater than its predecessor, rendering a former laboratory and its creator ''obsolete''. And all obsolete materials must be destroyed.
:'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' Well, then. It sounds like you had a busy night. I'll just unplug it for a little while and you can get some rest. ''[Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': I have created a monster. I got to destroy him.
:'''Ultrabot 2000''': I heard that. ''[Ultrabot 4000 Observation Unit attacks him again]''
:'''Dexter''': His laboratory, eh? We'll just see about that one.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': ''[hides in a safe place]'' Drat. What I need is a diversion, something to draw their fire. Dee Dee! Oh, but Dee Dee is only around when I don't want her. ''[smiles in silence and pretends to be talking to Dee Dee]'' Oh, I certainly do have a lot of work to do, and I do not wish to be disturbed! I have no time to play now, so many thingies to do.
:'''CatDog''': ''[arrives]'' Hi, Ho, Diggety!
[Cat Screams and Falls]

===''Techno Turtle'' [2.16a]===

===''Surprise!'' [2.16b]===

===''Got Your Goat'' [2.16c]===

===''Dee Dee Be Deep'' [2.17a]===

===''911'' [2.17b]===
:'''EBS announcer''': ''We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.''
:''[The TV shows the last scene of the Action Hank episode]''
:'''Action Hank''': ''Phew! Well, I must say that was the most action I have ever seen. I doubt I will ever have a more adventurous adventure ever.''
:''[Dexter starts crying uncontrollably]''

===''Down in the Dumps'' [2.17c]===

===''Unfortunate Cookie'' [2.18a]===

===''The Muffin King'' [2.18b]===
:'''Dad''':  Like?  Like?!  Kids, I loved her muffins more than life itself.  Those muffins are the reason I married your mother.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dad''': ''[Dressed as Mom]'' Muffin Time!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dad''': ''[Hidden in the dark]'' Dexter.  Son, could you come in here for a moment?  I need to talk to you.
:'''Dexter''':  And just what is it you want?
:'''Dad''': ''[steps out of the shadows like Darth Vader]'' Dexter.  I... am your father!
:'''Dexter''': ''[shocked]'' That is not possible! Oh wait, no, you're right.
:'''Dad''': So join me!  Come to the Muffin Side.  Do not resist.  It is your destiny.
:'''Dexter''': Never!

===''Picture Day'' [2.19a]===

===''Now That's a Stretch'' [2.19b]===

===''Dexter Detention'' [2.19c]===
:'''Dexter''': We are free!
:'''Prison Warden''': Looks like you broke into the state prison.

===''Don't Be a Baby'' [2.20a]===
:'''Dexter''': Computer, what the heck is going on?!
:'''Computer''': Goo goo ga ga goo goo pee-pee!
:'''Dexter''': Hmm, yes, pee-pee...

===''Dial M for Monkey: Peltra'' [2.20b]===

===''G.I.R.L. Squad'' [2.20c]===

===''Sports a Poppin''' [2.21a]===

===''Koosalagoopagoop'' [2.21b]===

===''Project Dee Dee'' [2.21c]===

===''Topped Off'' [2.22a]===
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Hmm... What the...? ''[cuts to mugs leaking coffee, coffee pot, and milk]'' The kitchen's a mess. Something wrong here...! ''[searches through cabinets]'' Coffee, coffee, where's the coffee? Hello, coffee?! '''WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE COFFEE?!'''
:'''Dee Dee''': Uh...
:'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': We drank it all. ''[Dad looks shocked, then eerily calm]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': ''You''... drank the coffee? ''[laughs]'' You two drank the coffee?
:'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': ''[nervous giggling]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': ''[laughing]'' ''[goes upset]'' Where did I go wrong?! I thought I was a good father. I thought I brought you kids up right. You see, kids, coffee is what we adults need to get started in the morning. It's the key to our ignition. You kids don't need it. No, you've got youth! We adults need the coffee. But now, all we have is... ''[holds up empty coffee pot]'' THIS! ''[tries to get a drop from the coffee pot but nothing comes out]'' Empty! A mere shell of its former self! I've seen some pretty horrible things in my life, but this... this is just... ''[lowers his voice to a hiss]'' ''SICK!'' ''[sobbing]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Dexter and Dee standing in front of Dexter's parents in their morning clothes drinking coffee]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Everything is gonna be okay! We had coffee after all! ''[with a frightened look]'' But what if we didn't?

===''Dee Dee's Tail'' [2.22b]===

===''No Power Trip'' [2.22c]===
:'''Dad''': Hon, when's the last time we washed the car?

===''Sister Mom'' [2.23a]===
:''[Dad appears from behind the staircase and grabs Dee Dee, who is disguised as Mom]''
:'''Dad''': Give us a kiss.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[She replies by pushing him away]'' Ew! Gross! I don't wanna kiss you! ''[She leaves]''
:'''Dad''': ''[dejected]'' So, what's new? 

:'''Principal''': So... as I was saying, we here at Huber Elementary take great pride in our brightest students like Dexter here ''[he rubs Dexter's head, Dexter laughs]'', which brings me to why I called you both here. It seems that, well, Dexter's grades are slipping. Now, ma'am, I know this may be hard for you to swallow, but... but... Dexter got an A minus on his last test. ''[starts crying]'' I'm sorry!
:'''Dee Dee''': That's it? An A minus, that's what you did wrong?!
:'''Principal''': Uh...
:'''Dee Dee''': You give me a full body makeover all for a lousy A minus?!
:'''Principal''': Um...
:'''Dee Dee''': Jeez, I thought you stole the school mascot or destroyed the science lab...
:'''Dexter''': Hey!
:'''Dee Dee''': Or at least TP'd his office!
:'''Principal''': Hey!
:'''Dee Dee''': But no, you got a stupid A minus, ''[hits Dexter's head]'' dork.
:'''Principal''': Oh my.
:'''Dexter''': Well, &quot;Mom&quot;, I wouldn't have gotten an A minus ''[jumps up and raises his voice]'' IF MY STUPID SISTER WOULD STOP BUGGING ME!
:'''Dee Dee''': Dee Dee is not stupid! She is prettier, taller, nicer, friendlier, happier, and way more popular than you'll ever be! Plus, your father and I like her best so...
:''[A fight between them breaks out]''
:'''Principal''': Um... Eh... Er... Wait. Er... stop? Please? Please! STOP!!! ''[Dexter and Dee Dee stop fighting]'' That's enough! Obviously, this Dee Dee is the root of a lot of aggression between you two. Which is why I'd like the three of you to talk to the school counselor, let's say, same time tomorrow?

===''The Laughing'' [2.23b]===
Stimpy: &quot;It's Called... HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!&quot;

===''Dexter's Lab: A Story'' [2.24a]===
:''[The dog is roaming around under the table sniffing around the family]''
:'''Dad''': So, Dexter, where's your new buddy? Oh! Well, hello down there!
:'''Dog''': Hey! It's the man from before!
:'''Mom''': Oh!
:'''Dog''': This one's a lady!
:'''Mom''': He certainly is friendly.
:'''Dee Dee''': Oh! Yeah, a little ''too'' friendly.
:'''Dog''': IT'S THE STICK!

===''Coupon for Craziness'' [2.24b]===

===''Better Off Wet'' [2.24c]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Hmm... Now where was I going? ''[a bit of the roof lands on her head]'' POOL! ''[takes off like a jack rabbit, wearing her swimsuit, and sandals, arrives at the pool outside, flips off her slippers and puts on her swimming cap]'' Hurry up, Dexter! ''[rides the slide and lands into the pool before she squirts out water]''
:'''Dexter''': I am not ready yet. ''[takes his hat, dressing gown, and takes off his sandals, showing his purple swimming trunks]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': ''[in her bikini and pumps, walks over to the pool]'' Dexter, ready to get wet?!
:'''Dexter''': Almost! ''[rubs sunscreen onto his arms]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': ''[appears behind Dexter's Mom]'' Hi, Dexter! ''[the camera pans in on a shocked Dexter]''
:'''Dexter''':  NO! ''[takes off]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Dexter? ''[looks around]''
:'''Dexter''':  ''[blinks on the roof, thinking he is safe]'' Phew... 
:'''Dexter's Mom''':  ''[having thrown off her pumps, stands on the diving board, walks across to the edge, and bends down, but jumps into the air, and dives into the pool, just to disappear for mere seconds, and just in time to come back up]'' Come on in, Dexter, the water's great!
:'''Dexter''': Okay, Mom.
:'''Mee Mee and Lee Lee''': Hey, Dee Dee! We're here!
:'''Dee Dee''': Hi, girls, come on in!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dexter's Dad''': Boy, they sure are talented.
:'''Dexter''': You said it. ''[realizes Dad was right next to him]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Boo!
:'''Dexter''': ''[screams in terror, Dad tries to push push him into the water, but fails when Dexter only bounces off of Dee Dee, Mee Mee, and Lee Lee's heads. He pants only for a short while]'' Phew!
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Darn, I just can't get that kid! ''[He notices Dexter's Mom walking up to the pool]'' Oh, well! ''[while Mom dips one foot into the water to check if the water's nice, Dad runs up behind her and pushes her off the edge as she screams in terror and lands in the pool]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Dexter's Dad''':  Good job, son, you finally made it in the pool.
:'''Dexter''': Thanks, Dad, I don't know I was so shy of the water. ''[Dexter's Parents and sister laugh because Dexter is naked because he has lost his trunks!]''

===''Critical Gas'' [2.25a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[watch beeps]'' Oh, lunch time! ''[answers phone]'' Yes, hello, Burrito Palace? I would like to order a Big Bad Burrito, please. Thank you, goodbye.
:'''Dexter''': Oh, the mother of all Burritos.
:'''Mom''': Oh, your bunny pajamas! I thought you hated those.
:'''Dad''': Son, you have given me the greatest gift that has ever been given in the history of gift giving!
:'''Dexter''': You stupid robots! I order you to go out there and be free!

===''Let's Save the World You Jerk!'' [2.25b]===
:''[Earth is destroyed by meteors]''
:'''Dexter''': That was all your fault, you gnome!
:'''Mandark''': No way! You're taking the heat for this one, Dexter!

===''Average Joe'' [2.25c]===

===''Rushmore Rumble'' [2.26a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[screaming]''
:'''Dexter''': YOU!

===''A Boy and His Bug'' [2.26b]===

===''You Vegetabelieve It!'' [2.26c]===

===''Aye Aye Eyes'' [2.27a]===

===''Dee Dee and the Man'' [2.27b]===

===''Old Flame'' [2.28a]===

===''Don't Be a Hero'' [2.28b]===

===''My Favorite Martian'' [2.28c]===

===''Paper Route Bout'' [2.29a]===

===''The Old Switcharooms'' [2.29b]===
:'''Mom''': You Kids are in big trouble.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Dee Dee and Dad enter Dee Dee's room and see that Dexter has destroyed it and is naked]''
:'''Dad''': Grrrrr!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[gasps]'' Dexter, you're naked! ''[knocks the trophy out Dad's hands, destroying it]''
:'''Dexter''': Now look what you did Dee Dee. You clumsy fool!
:'''Dad''': Grrrrr!
:''[Cut to Dexter who is now in the doghouse, having switched &quot;rooms&quot; with the family dog]''
:'''Dexter''': Uh? Well, at least I don't have to worry about the dog destroying my lab.
:''[Cut to the dog barking and howling and destroying Dexter's lab]''

===''Trick or Treehouse'' [2.29c]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Well, well. Look who's smaller than a breadbox.
:'''Dexter''': ''[inside the breadbox]'' Dee Dee! Let me out of here!
:'''Dee Dee''': Ha! I didn't know you could stick your beak into my business, and to get even, I get to go play around in your lab.
:'''Dexter''': Please! Dee Dee! No! No! Let me out!
:'''Dee Dee''': See you 'round, shortbread!
:'''Dexter''': Dee Dee! No! No! Please! Let me out! No! No! Please! No! No! No! No!
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[giggles in Dexter's laboratory]''
:'''Dexter''': Please! No! No!

===''Quiet Riot'' [2.30a]===

===''Accent You Hate'' [2.30b]===
:'''Gary''': You know, kid. You’ve got a funny accents. And if you haven’t read I hate kids with funny accents.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gary''': Get away from me! SHUT UP! '''''I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!'''''
:''[The statue punches Gary. The kids gasp. Gary's face grows red and big]''
:'''Gary''': My face! It hurts!
:'''Pirate Kid''': Arr! Now look who has the funny accent!

===''Catch of the Day'' [2.30c]===

===''Dad Is Disturbed'' [2.31a]===

===''Framed'' [2.31b]===

===''That's Using Your Head'' [2.31c]===

===''DiM'' [2.32a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': You know they're all gonna burn out eventually.
:'''Dexter''': I know...

===''Just an Old-Fashioned Lab Song...'' [2.32b]===

===''Repairanoid'' [2.32c]===
:'''Mom''': When an electrical problem arises, I call a specialist! ''[Dad appears with a helmet and tool belt]'' No, honey. Not you.

===''sdrawkcaB'' ''(Backwards)'' [2.33a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[wears a Reverse Belt and walks backwards]'' !skrow tI !skrow tI .elbidercni si siht ,woW .snoitca nwo ym esrever yllautca oT ''[to Robot]'' .drawrof ,hguone si taht ,toboR ,yakO .drawroF ''[starts to get angry]'' -rof ,ydaerla thgirlA ''[gasps in reverse]'' .em ylliS ''[laughs in reverse]'' .mehA ''[to normal]'' ''Forward''.
:'''Robot''': Forward. ''[sets the lever from Reverse to Forward to Red to Green]''
:'''Dexter''': ''[walks normally]'' Wow, my Reverse Belt is a success! I must make a note: In order to be understood, I must speak backwards so that it sounds as though I am speaking forward, or it is forward so that it sounds reversed?
:'''Robot''': Reverse.
:'''Dexter''': Aah! No, robot! Wait! ''[The robot pulls the lever; Dexter's Reverse Belt buckle turns red]'' !tiaW !tobor, oN !haA ?desrever sdnuos ti taht os drawrof si ti ro... I mean for... ward!
:'''Robot''': Forward.
:''[It pulls the lever; Dexter's belt buckle turns green]''
:'''Dexter''': Robot?
:''Robot''': Yes, Dexter?
:'''Dexter''': Please remind me never to oil you again. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mom''': Oh, there you are, Dexter. Be a dear and take out the trash for your mother.
:'''Dexter''': But, Mom...
:'''Mom''': ''[angry]'' The only &quot;but&quot; in this conversation is a spanked one, now get on it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dad''': Ugh... I don't feel so good. Oh... ''[He notices Dexter running back and forth due to the Reverse Belt]'' Dexter, what have I told you about running on the stairs?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter''': ''[Gasp!]'' Dee Dee? ''[Dexter's belt turns red]'' ?eeD eeD ''[!psaG]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

===''The Continuum of Cartoon Fools'' [2.33b]===
:'''Dexter''': Ah... Now I can get some work done in peace.
:''[Dee Dee is working on an invention]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Hey Dexter, can you please pass the atomizer?
:'''Dexter''': Oh certainly. ''[He then screams in shock]''
:'''Dexter''': All right, how the heck did you get in here?! Did you get in through the 2-Dimensional Facial Filter? ''[He presses a button and Dee Dee is compacted down a narrow passageway]'' Yes! ''[Dee Dee now completely flat suddenly walks up to Dexter]''
:'''Dee Dee''': No.
:'''Dexter''': Did you get in through the secret Molecular Disconfiguration Access Port? ''[He tosses Dee Dee inside and Dee Dee is absorbed. Dee Dee appears next to Dexter.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': No.
:'''Dexter''': A ha! You came in through the secret Sky Port. ''[They come into a room with a pigeon]''
:'''Dee Dee''': You're kidding?
:'''Dexter''': Cassius, emergency exit! ''[Cassius flies her out of the lab.]''
:'''Cassius''': It's a living.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Dexter swallows the key to the secret bookcase entrance]''
:'''Dexter''': THERE! NOW NO ONE'S GETTING IN! ''[maniacal laugh]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Hmmm... Yep. ''No one's'' getting into Dexter's Lab now. ''[leaves as Dexter's smile of insanity turns into a look of horror]''
:'''Dexter''':  Uh, oh my dear... In my overwhelming zeal to banish my sister from the lab, I have indeed locked myself out! Too blinded was I not to foresee the most piteous of fates. I have thus performed the ultimate tragic irony! ''[now standing in front of the 'The End' title card]'' Surely, I am the fool of fools on a par with no other. I am no better than [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wile_E._Coyote that stupid coyote] or [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daffy_Duck that crazy duck]! Look at me, ''look at me!'' I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated and alone...

===''Sun, Surf, and Science'' [2.33c]===

===''Big Bots'' [2.34a]===

===''Gooey Aliens That Control Your Mind'' [2.34b]===
:'''Dexter''': The planets, the moon, make a wish, I wish for an alien lifeform! ''[a radioactive rock drops from the sky]'' Thanks! What you're made of?
:''[&quot;No DNA found&quot;]''
:'''Dexter''': Oh, impossible, unless... ''[gasps]'' he escapes. Come back here. Gotcha! Drat!
:'''Dad''': Freeze, FBI! ''[sprays garden hose on the car, and laughs]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Hi mom, nice blueprint.
:'''Mom''': ''[in alien voice]'' BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
:'''Dad''': ''[in alien voice]'' Nice Blueprint.
:'''Mom''': Help me with the table.
:'''Dee Dee''': You say it.

===''Misplaced in Space'' [2.34c]===
:'''Alien''': Gork.
:'''Dexter''': ''[translating on his watch]'' 'Food?' Yeah, 'food'. You ate mine, yours, and everybody else's!
:'''Alien''': Gork.
:'''Dexter''': You can't still be hungry
:'''Alien''': Gork...
:'''Dexter''': Wh...Why are you looking at me like that?
:'''Alien''': GORK!

===''Dee Dee's Rival'' [2.35a]===
:'''Dee Dee''': Dexter! Dexter! ''[Dexter smashed his control with a hammer]'' Oh Dexter. I'm so glad you're here! I need your help! There's a new girl in dance class and she thinks she's better than me. And I want to be a star of the show and thought... 
:'''Lala Vala''': ...use your science junk to help me beat that skinny creep.
:'''Dee Dee''': I have to win, Dexter. Or else...
:'''Lala Vala''': ...I'll be forced to break your nerdy...
:'''Dee Dee''': ...face any of the kids in class again! Please! Oh please! Oh... 
:'''Mandark''': ...Oh Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me! I'll do it. 
:'''Dexter''': But you better keep up your end of the bargain and I'll handle the rest. 
:'''Dee Dee''': Oh thank you, Dexter. ''[kisses Dexter's nose and laughs]''
:'''Lala Vala''' ''[flings Mandark's nose and laughs]''

===''Pslightly Psycho'' [2.35b]===
:'''Dexter, Dee Dee and Dad''': Happy Mother's Day!
:'''Mom''': New Gloves!

===''Game for a Game'' [2.35c]===

===''Blackfoot and Slim'' [2.36a]===
:'''Narrator''': The Concrete Jungle. Deep within its seemingly endless towers, glass, steel and mortar, life exists.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator''': For someday, we shall return to check up on this wonderful creature. This wonderful world of Blackfoot.

===''Trapped With a Vengeance'' [2.36b]===
:'''Yani''': ''[narrating]'' My job is simple. After the designated hours of education, the children exit to return home, while I clean, sweep and prepare their environment for the next day of education in sterile surroundings. For I am Yani the janitor. It is an uncomplicated job that leaves me much time after to spend with my beloved wife, but one children continues to complicate situation and torture. ''[Dexter laughs evilly in a deep voice]'' Night after night, he stays much time past designated hours. And when he decides to go, he leaves a residue of filth that prolongs me for my beloved for several more hours. And when I return home, my love is taking her slumber, and waking her would be catastrophical. So I wait and I plan, until the day that he will need to exit quickly for something important, for then I will have him... TRAPPED WITH A VENGEANCE!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yani''': Hello, Dexter. 
:'''Dexter''': What are you, crazy or something?!
:'''Yani''': ''[points to dexter]'' No, Dexter! I want you to feel the pain that I feel when you make me stay late every night!
:'''Dexter''': What?
:'''Yani''': ''[opens the double doors]'' Here you go, Dexter. There's the exit. Go home.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yani''': So, Mr. Smarty Pants, what do you have to say now?
:'''Dexter''': Clean up this mess!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yani's wife''': Yaniiiii!
:'''Yani''': ''Liebchen''. ''[Sweetheart in German language]''
:'''Yani's wife''': Do not ''liebchen''. I wait every night for you to come home, thinking that you're working hard, but here I find you goofing around with friends!
:'''Yani''': But--
:'''Yani's wife''': No. Not another word. You coming home...
:'''Yani''': But--
:'''Yani's wife''': NOOOOOWWW! ''[to Dexter]'' You, boy, open door!
:'''Dexter''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes, ma'am. ''[grabs Yani's keys and opens the double doors]''
:'''Yani's wife''': Come, Yani.
:'''Yani''': But--
:'''Yani's wife''': '''COOOOOOME!!!'''
:''[The defeated Yani and his wife exit school]''
:'''Dexter''': Boy, the holidays sure do make people do the ''craziest'' things. ''[whistling Jingle Bells]''

===''The Parrot Trap'' [2.36c]===
:'''Dexter's Parrot''': ''[in Dee Dee's voice]'' Dexter's a cookie!
:'''Dexter''': ''[angrily]'' I am not a cookie!
:'''Dexter's Parrot''': Dexter's a cookie!
:'''Dexter''': Am not!
:'''Dexter's Parrot''': Are too, cookie! ''[Dexter violently shakes the stick the parrot is on, and it switches into Dexter's voice]'' I'm gonna bop you one, girl! ''[Dexter slams the parrot onto his desk, and it segues back into Dee Dee's voice]'' COOKIE! ''[Dexter repeatedly slams the parrot onto the table, until it is later seen beaten nearly into submission, and is flying away]''
:'''Dexter''': Good riddance! That has to be my worst invention yet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter's Dad''': Who's trying to sneak up on me?
:'''Parrot''': Dexter, boy genius. Dexter the cookie!
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Shhhh I'm trying to watch my show!
:'''Parrot''': I'm gonna bop you!
:'''Dexter's Dad''': That is no way to talk to you-
:'''Parrot''': You are a stupid girl! Get out get out get out! Yup yup yup! Don't touch anything!
:''[Dexter's Dad crawls away in fear]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': I-I-I-I-I'm sorry
:'''Dexter's Parrot''': ''[in Dee Dee's voice]'' You're a cookie! ''[in Dexter's voice]'' Get out get out get out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter's Mom''': Alright, let's see. I'll need two eggs...
:''[Dexter's Mom cracks open two eggs and places them into the cooking bowl beside her]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': One stick of butter...
:''[Takes a stick of butter placed near her and places it into the cooking bowl]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A half a cup of sugar...
:''[Dexter's Mom takes some sugar as Dexter's Parrot appears]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A pinch of cinnamon.
:'''Parrot''': A cup of cinnamon.
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A cup of cinnamon.
:'''Parrot''': A quart of pepper.
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A quart of pepper.
:'''Parrot''': A box of olives.
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A box of peppers.
:'''Parrot''': Yup, yup, yup!
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A block of cheese.
:'''Parrot''': A block of cheese.
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A gallon of milk.
:'''Parrot''': A gallon of milk.
:''[Dexter's Mom takes the Parrot out of the refrigerator]''
:'''Parrot''': Are you sneaking up on me?!?
:''[Mom uses the Parrot as a coffee boiler and pours it into the bowl]''
:'''Dexter's Mom''': A cup of coffee.
:'''Parrot''': A cup of coffee.
:''[Mom settles the Parrot back down on the counter]'' 
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Beans! 
:'''Parrot''': Beans!
:''[Cookies fly out of the bowl suddenly]''
:'''Parrot''': Cooooooooookies!
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Cooooooooookies!
:'''Parrot''': Worms and plastic minnows.
:'''Dexter's Mom''': Now wait just a minute here! ...... Where am I gonna get worms and plastic minnows?
:'''Parrot''': The Florida Everglades!
:''[Mom is seen immediately backing the car out of the house's driveway and driving away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Dexter has smashed the parrot to keep it from revealing his lab]''
:'''Dexter's Dad''': Dexter!
:'''Dexter's Mom''': How many times have I told you not to throw the bird?
:'''Dexter''': But Mom, it's not a real bird. I built it in my secret laboratory.
:''[Dexter, realizing he just blabbed what the parrot didn't, claps his mouth shut]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Smooth move, Dexter. Now you'll have to erase Mom and Dad's memories...again!
:'''Parrot''': Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter. Smooth move, Dexter.

===''Dexter and Computress Get Mandark!'' [2.37a]===
:'''Dexter''': You are stupid! You are stupid! And don't forget, you are stupid!

===''The Justice Friends: Pain in the Mouth'' [2.37b]===

===''Dexter vs Santa's Claws'' [2.37c]===
:'''Dad''': Dexter, what do you have to say for yourself?
:'''Dexter''': Well, I'm sorry I ruined Christmas. Again. But, isn't Christmas really about the family, and the love and the sharing and... Oh, Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree!
:'''Dee Dee''': You blockhead! That's not what Christmas is about!
:'''Dexter''': It's not? Then what is it about?
:'''Santa Claus''': The presents. Ho ho ho!

===''Dyno-Might'' [2.38a]===
:'''Dynomutt''': Oooooh, what does this button do?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dad''': Nice uniform. You on some kind of sports team?
:'''Blue Falcon''': I'm the Blue Falcon.
:'''Dad''': Oh, yeah, the Falcons! You guys didn't do so well last season.
:'''Blue Falcon''': I'm the Blue Falcon!
:'''Dad''': Aww, don't be blue!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Blue Falcon''': I don't understand! This isn't like my old Dynomutt at all!
:'''Dexter''': Well... He's not, I built you an all-new one.
:'''Blue Falcon''': What? Why?
:'''Dexter''': Well, the old one was just a goofy idiot sidekick.
:'''Blue Falcon''': He wasn't JUST a goofy idiot sidekick! He was a....go-go dog person! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Blue Falcon''': Remember, Dexter: It's a goofy idiot sidekick that makes a superhero SUPER.

===''LABretto'' [2.38b]===
:'''Dad''': ''[singing]'' My goodness, my gracious, when will this day be done? Will I have a girl or will I have a son?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': ''[singing sadly as the spotlight shines on him]'' This is not fantasy. This is reality. ''[talking]'' I'm stuck for my life! I'm stuck and I'll be stuck forever! With...my sister... ''[Yelling]'' Dee Dee!

===''Last But Not Beast'' [2.39]===
:'''Mandark''': All hail Mandark, the genius! All hail Mandark, the genius! Sing a song of Mandark, the greatest genius this world has ever known!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dad''': Secret laboratory? Now, Dexter, we need to straight a few things up with this secret laboratory business!

==Film==
===''[[w:Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip|Dexter's Laboratory: Ego Trip]]''===

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Old Man Dexter''': ''[thundering voice from inside a tower]'' WHOO DARES TO DISTURB THE GREAT DEXTER WHILE HE DROPS SCIENCE UPON THE WORLD?
:'''Dexter''': We are the Dexters of the past. We have come from the past to try to reach your all-knowing presence!
:'''Old Man Dexter''': PRESENTS? I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY? I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Dexter!
:'''Adult Dexter''': Dexter!
:'''Old Man Dexter''': Dexter! Wow!
:'''Adult Dexter''': Oh yeah man!
:'''Dexter''': You're as cool as I always wanted to be!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Uh... Dexters?
:'''Dexter''': Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we traveled forward in the time 'cause I heard I... I mean... We saved the future, but he couldn't remember. So then we went back in time to find you and we did! And it was awesome!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Time travel, hmm... You boys will need to be filled in on a few things.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Yeah, like what happened to the world?
:'''Dexter''': And who is this science hoarding overlord?
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Mandark.
:'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Mandark?!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Many moons ago, Mandark and I were employed by the corporation as research scientists to develop new technologies for the betterment of the future. So naturally, as my genius produced a fountain of amazing ideas. A not so inspired Mandark grew more and more jealous. He began stealing my creations and presenting them as his own. As you may well remember.
:'''Adult Dexter''': ''[angry]'' Grrr!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': He soon gained favor with the executive hierarchy and was quickly promoted up through the ranks. And with one diabolical coup, Mandark overthrew and became the very President of the corporation himself. Then darkness fell. Somehow my most prized invention: the Neurotomic Protocore, fell into Mandark's clutches.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Oh my gosh, we left the core out in my cubicle. ''[Dexter hits him with his elbow]''
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Mandark tried to employ the powers of the core but the incompetent fool set the positive flow to negative. And now corrupt energies of the core began to twist Mandark already crooked mind, making him even more greedy insane than ever before. I could take it no more. To escape the perversion of my own science, I went underground literally. I dug a tunnel out from Mandark's tower. For years I dug and dug, inching my way to freedom. But while I dug the negative Neurotomic energy swept the world, numbing the minds of the people, allowing Mandark to work his evil tentacles into every facet of technology and society. It was as though he just reached down and wrecked the Earth clean. Hoarding all science, all knowledge for himself. When I emerged I found this world broken and stupid. I did what I could to help, but with the overlord's robots enforcing terror across the land and very few resources at my disposal, it's been a fight just to survive.
:'''Dexter''': Aw, buck up, hero, we found the lab and we can all help.
:'''Muscular Dexter''': The laboratory!?! I had thought it lost forever. But with the power of the lab plus the genius of me times four equals, the cataclysmic collapse of the overlord's empire of oppression!
:'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Yeah!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': To the laboratory!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Muscular Dexter''': I'd like to take this time to pat myselfs on the back. Gentlemen, here's to another greatest work completed, for tomorrow we storm the castle!
:'''Dexter, Adult Dexter and Old Man Dexter''': Yeah!
:''[The four Dexters clink the root beer bottles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Mandarks rally to stop the Dexters from getting the Neurotomic Proto-Core]''
:'''Young Mandark''': No! I've always wanted the Core!
:'''Adult Mandark''': No! I stole the Core!
:'''Overlord Mandark''': No! The Core is mine!
:'''Mandark's Brain''': No! Just because I'm bitter and jealous!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Old Man Dexter''': I remember! I REMEMBER! Dee Dee was the one who saved the future!
:'''Dexter''': What? No way!
:'''Adult Dexter''': That didn't just happen!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': I wanted to be the one who saved the future!
:'''Old Man Dexter''': Argh! That girl!
:''[The Dexters start building robots]''
:'''Dexter''': I'll teach her to mess up my future savings.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Yeah, we'll show her!
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Ooh, that little ding dong!
:'''Old Man Dexter''': We'll get her once and for all!
:''[The Dexters finish building robots]''
:'''Dexter''': Robots! Destroy the one who saved the future! ''[The robots walk towards the time machine]'' Well. Huh. That should take care of Dee Dee. It looks like the future is back on track.
:'''Muscular Dexter''': I've got a lot of cleaning up to do but with a positive flow of the core everything should work out fine.
:'''Dexter''': Well then, we should be getting back to our own times. Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Muscular Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Adult Dexter''': Goodbye, Dexter.
:'''Old Man Dexter''': Goodbye, Billy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Well, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but I did turn out pretty cool in the future. ''[sees himself fighting the robots and is surprised]'' Wait a minute, I'm still here fighting those robots. ''[breaks the fourth wall]'' But wait, those are the robots I just built to get Dee Dee while we're building the future. But now I'm about to destroy them before I even decide to go into the future. So that means when I came back, I came back too far, back before I ever left. So I must have come... No I... Or they were... Oh, forget it. Time travel hurts my brain.

==Season 3==
===Streaky Clean [3.1a]===
:'''Mom''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, come on out, Shy Boy. Here's your little play clothes all fresh and clean. But I just can't understand how you manage to stain your little outfit so quickly.
:'''Dexter''': Yeah, yeah, mom. It's a real enigma. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have much work to be doing. ''[takes his lab coat and gloves with him and closes the door]''
:'''Dad''': The boy's right, dear. ''[puts his hands on his wife's hips]'' There is much work to be doing.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Dexter streaks through the meadow]''
:'''Dexter''': Oh boy, that was a close one. I just have to get to Ruthy's Field, and I will be home free! Home...
:''[Dexter streaks past a hippie couple who think he's celebrating the freedom of his nakedness]''
:'''Dexter''': '''FREE!'''
:'''Male Hippie''': Right on, brother!

===''Mind Over Chatter'' [3.2a]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind]'' Yuck! Mom's oatmeal! Tastes like barf!
:'''Mom''' ''[gasps]'' Dexter! Don't be rude!
:'''Dexter''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind while watching Dee Dee scarfing down her oatmeal]'' That sister of mine! What a ferocious pig!
:'''Dee Dee''': Hey! I'm no pig!
:'''Mom''' : That is enough Dexter! Time for school.
:'''Dexter''': But wait Dad, what-
:'''Dad''': The answer is no! Now get!
:'''Dexter''': ''[in his mind]'' Dad, what a stubborn poopoo doody head!
:'''Dad''': I heard that!
:'''Mom''': And we are going to have a serious talk about your potty mouth when you get home from school today!

===''Momdark'' [3.2c]===
:'''Mom''': Huh, what did he mean when he said, &quot;your lab&quot;, Dexter?
:'''Dexter''': I don't know.

===''A Mom Cartoon'' [3.4b]===
:'''Mom''': Oh Dad will just love this!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Shop Announcer''': Attention shoppers, we have a red light sale on aisle 8 on... latex gloves!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mom''': Would you look at that, the very last pair! Must be my lucky day!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Shop Announcer''': Attention shoppers,...

===Tele Trauma [3.5c]===
:'''Dexter''': Just last night my friend TV and I went out to eat. I ordered a TV dinner and he got the satellite dish!
:''[Everyone laughs]''
:'''Mr. Luzinsky''': Dexter, stop that immediately.
:'''Dexter''': Sit on it, Fonz!

===''A Third Dad Cartoon'' [3.9b]===
:'''Dad''': Aw well, I guess we'll have to try again next week.

==Season 4==

===''Beau Tie'' [4.1a]===
:'''Beau''': I've always loved science.

===''Dexter's Library'' [4.2c]===
:'''Dexter''': Ah, the sweet and silent solitude of the school library.
:'''Boy''': Oh yeah, we're so prepared for this. This is going to be a great game, we're going to kicky Booty.
:'''Girl''': Our new cheers are so awesome. Wait until you see them, you're not gonna believe it!
:'''Dexter''': Ahem! ''[puts the piece of paper that says &quot;No talking in the Library!&quot; on the table, takes the book from the boy]'' No book for you, ''[takes book from the girl]'' and no book for you!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Dexter''': Ah, here we are. 701.328. ''[gasps]'' Hello! What is this?! &quot;Green Bacon and Eggs&quot;! What is a children's book doing in coelacanth paleobiology? ''[gets enraged]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Robot''': ''[goes in search of a book and returns to Dexter]'' Cannot confirm target.
:'''Dexter''': Cannot confirm target? You illiterate Android! ''[slaps the robot]'' Must I spell everything out for you recycled soup cans? 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Salinger''': Dexter, I am very disappointed in you. I leave you in charge of the library for one hour, and look what you do. Just look at this mess.
:'''Dexter''': But- but- I... they...
:'''Salinger''': I'm giving you the maximum library penalty.
:'''Dexter''': ''[gasps]'' No! Not that! Please, Miss Salinger. No!
:'''Salinger''': That's right. You can only check out 4 books a week, instead of 5.
:'''Dexter''': ''[sobs]'' It's not very nice of you. NO!
:'''Crowd''': Shh!

===''2Geniuses 2Gether 4Ever'' [4.8c]===
:'''Dexter''': Ah, all done.
:'''Mandark''': It's about time. Well, let's see what we've got. ''[takes off the blindfold]'' Ah! At last, my darkest creation is completed!
:'''Dexter''': ''[gives the remote control to Mandark]'' After you.
:'''Mandark''': May I? ''[grabs the remote control]'' With a push of this button, I, Mandark, will unleash a mind-bending transmission which will put the entire universe under my control. And that means you, too, Dorkster. I have double-crossed you once again. And now it will all be mine! ''[laughs]'' Ha!
:''[Mandark tries pressing the button over and over, and Dexter plugs the power cord, and the invention explodes by displaying the title of the television series as a reference to the intro]''
:'''Dexter''': Ha! Well, well, well, Mandark, who double-crossed whom?
:'''Mandark''': This was supposed to be mine, Dexter! All mine, not yours! Mine!
:'''Dexter''': Well, like I always say: if you can't play with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Ha ha! ''[The &quot;The End&quot; logo in white appears on the screen]'' Hey! What is going on? I am trying to wax poetic here.

===''Folly Calls'' [4.9c]===
:'''Dexter''': ''[sees Dee Dee's hair cut off and laughs insanely]'' OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME! ''[laughing and snorting]''
:'''Dee Dee''': So?
:'''Dexter''': Now, Dee Dee. We have been through this scenario so many times before, and you know that I am helpless to assist you for one simple and very basic reason: you are STUPID!
:'''Dee Dee''': Oh, please, Dexter. Please! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please! Oh, please, Dexter! Use your vast and unlimited knowledge of science to help me get my hair back! ''Pretty please.''
:'''Dexter''': Well, no.
:'''Dee Dee''': Alright, Dexter, but remember... ''[grows bigger]'' ''I am your big sister!'' ''[grows some more]'' ''AND I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG...'' ''[grows again]'' '''''...IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY!'''''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dexter''': Now, Dee Dee, pay attention. You are only to apply one drop of this stuff. Do you understand? One drop, not 2 drops, not 3 drops, not 75 drops. JUST ONE DROP! GOT IT?!
:'''Dee Dee''': Yeah. Of course I got it, Dexter. Just one drop. ''[sings and leaves the lab]'' One drop, one drop, one drop, one drop...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Dee Dee screams while running entering the lab]''
:'''Dexter''': Let me guess. You used more than one drop.
:'''Dee Dee''': It was too one drop, Dexter! Just a really, really ''big'' one drop!
:'''Dexter''': Hmm...

===''Comic Stripper'' [4.10c]===
:'''Dexter''': You did it all wrong, Mandark. I figured out you were copying &quot;Mister Misery&quot; all along, so I played your own game against you. ''[Mandark pretends to be yawning]'' And then you have the nerve ''[throws the &quot;Mister Misery&quot; comic]'' not to even follow the dumb story! Oh, and one other thing... WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS STUPID QUACKING?!
:'''Mandark''': Well, you see, Dexter. I went to buy &quot;Mister Misery&quot; but the store was all sold out. So I picked up a copy of &quot;Dangerous Duck&quot; instead.
:'''Dexter''': And do you know why &quot;Mister Misery&quot; was all sold out? Because ''I'' bought them all.
:'''Mandark''': Hmm. Well, then. If you bought them all, ''how did you expect me to know all &quot;Mister Misery&quot;'s new fight moves then?!'' ''[Dexter is upset and a donkey appears]'' QUACK. ''[teases Dexter and walks away]''

== Lost Episode ==
===''Rude Removal''===
:'''Dee Dee''': Oooh! Dexter's got gas!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rude Dexter''': Where the **** are we?
:'''Rude Dee Dee''': Beats the **** out of me!
:'''Dexter''': ''[With a British accent]'' Why, you're in Dexter's Laboratory, silly. I'm Dexter, and this golden-haired angel behind me is my charming sister, Dee Dee.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[With a British accent]'' Charmed!
:'''Rude Dexter''': Ah, **** off!
:'''Dexter and Dee Dee''': ''[gasp]'' Oh, dear!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Mom''': I hope you're hungry, 'cause I made a ''[trips over Rude Dexter]'' very... SPECIAL LUNCH THAT I GOT FROM A RECIPE THAT I... FOUND IN A BESSIE CRACKER MAGAZINE! ''[pants]'' I hope you like it.
:'''Mom''': ''[dizzy]'' Well, what do you think, Dexter?
:'''Rude Dexter''': ''[mouth full]'' I think it tastes like ****! ''[spits at Mom]''
:'''Mom''': ''[faints]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Mom''': ''[angry]'' Dexter! No, absolutely not! You cannot have any dessert!
:'''Rude Dexter''': Why? You want it all to yourself?
:'''Mom''': ''[gasps, then faints]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Mom''': Now, to clean those filthy mouths.
:'''Dexter''': ''[to the audience]'' Oh, ****!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0115157|title=Dexter's Laboratory}}

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:1990s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Elementary school TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Teletoon Retro shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about families]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]
[[Category:Television series by Hanna-Barbera]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Princess and the Frog</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T03:44:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-21258-26</username>
        <id>3308661</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Lawrence */</comment>
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      <text bytes="21195" sha1="6lp04xg647tcsgvxzvpj6sncq989ls6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Princess and the Frog|The Princess and the Frog]]''''' is an American [[w:2009 in film|2009]] [[w:John Joven|John Joven]] [[w:Musical film|musical]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:Fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures|Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures]]. It follows the story of [[w:Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)|Tiana]] and Prince Naveen, who have directly and indirectly been turned into frogs by the Shadow Man, Dr. Facilier. The movie was released to theaters on December 11, 2009.

:''Directed by [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]] and [[w:John Musker|John Musker]]. Screenplay by Ron Clements, John Musker, [[w:Rob Edwards|Rob Edwards]] and adaptation of 2002 novel ''[[w:The Frog Princess (novel)|The Frog Princess]]'' by [[w: E. D. Baker|E. D. Baker]], the story is a modern adaptation of the German folk tale &quot;[[w:The Frog Prince|The Frog Prince]]&quot; as collected by the [[Brothers Grimm]]. Edited by [[w:Jeff Draheim|Jeff Draheim]].''

==Tiana==

==Naveen==

==Lawrence==
* ''[latest words before his taken away by policeman] ['''Big Daddy La Bouff''': (furiously) Boys, dragged this maggot down to the perish prison.]'' [[Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|I'm completely innocent! The Shadow Man bamboozled me?!]] ''[???]'' Aah!
* Random

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines]''
:'''Eudora''': ''[reads &quot;The Frog Prince&quot; to a young Tiana and Charlotte]'' Just at that moment, the ugly little frog looked up with his sad, round eyes and pleaded, &quot;Oh, please, dear princess, only a kiss from you can break this terrible spell that was inflicted on me by a wicked witch.&quot;
:'''Young Charlotte''': ''[whispering]'' Here comes my favorite part!
:'''Eudora''': ''[still reading]'' And the beautiful princess was so moved by his desperate plea that she stooped down, picked up the slippery creature, leaned forward, raised him to her lips, and ''kissed'' that little frog!
:'''Young Charlotte''': Aww!
:''[Young Tiana gags]''
:'''Eudora''': ''[continues reading]'' Then the frog was transformed into a handsome prince! They were married and lived happily ever after! The end.
:'''Young Charlotte''': Yay! Read it again! Read it again!
:'''Eudora''': Sorry, Charlotte. It's time for us to be headin' home. Say goodnight, Tiana.
:'''Young Tiana''': There's no way, in the whole wide world, I would ever ever ever, and I mean ''never'' kiss a frog. Bleugh!
:'''Young Charlotte''': ? ''[Randomsly]'' ?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eli Big Daddy La Bouff''': Evenin', Eudora.
:'''Young Charlotte''': Daddy, Daddy! Look at my new dress! Isn't it pretty?
:'''Eli Big Daddy La Bouff''': Look at you! Why, I'd expect nothin' less from the finest seamstress in New Orleans!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''James''': Mmm. Gumbo smells good, Tiana.
:'''Young Tiana''': I think it's done, Daddy.
:'''James''': Yeah. Are you sure?
:'''Young Tiana''': Mm-hmm.
:'''James''': Absolutely positive?
:'''Young Tiana''': Yes.
:'''James''': Okay. I'm about to put this spoon in my...
:'''Young Tiana''': ''[yanks the spoon out of her dad's hand]'' Wait! ''[adds some hot sauce to the gumbo, then tastes it]'' Done. ''[feeds the gumbo to James]''
:'''James''': Hmm.
:'''Young Tiana''': What?
:'''James''': Well, sweetheart, this is the...best gumbo I've ever tasted! Come here! Eudora, our little girl's got a gift!
:'''Eudora''': I coulda told you that.
:'''James''': A gift this special just gotta be shared.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''James''': You know the thing about good food? It brings folks together from all walks of life. It warms them right up and it puts little smiles on their faces, and when I open up my own restaurant, I tell you, people are gonna line up from miles around just to get a taste of my food!
:'''Young Tiana''': ''Our'' food.
:'''James''': That's right, baby. ''[writes &quot;Tiana's Place&quot; on the paper]'' Our food.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Georgia''': We all goin' out dancin' tonight. Care to join us?
:'''Male Customers''': Yeah, c'mon, Tiana, live a little. It's Mardi Gras.
:'''Tiana''': No, I got two left feet. Besides, I'm gonna... ''[to a rather messy baby]'' Need a napkin, sweetheart? I'm gonna work a double shift tonight. ''[serving pancakes to a male customer]'' Here're your hotcakes. You know, so I...
:'''Georgia''': You can save for your restaurant. I know, I know. Girl! All you ever do is work!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buford''': Are you talkin' 'bout that dang restaurant again?
:'''Tiana''': Buford, your eggs are burnin'.
:'''Buford''': You ain't never gonna get enough for the down payment.
:'''Tiana''': I'm gettin' close.
:'''Buford''': Yeah. How close?
:'''Tiana''': Where my flapjacks?
:'''Buford''': ''[laughing]'' You got about as much chance of gettin' that restaurant as I do of winnin' the Kentucky Derby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tiana''': Mornin', Mr. La Bouff.
:'''Eli Big Daddy La Bouff''': Good mornin', Tiana.
:'''Tiana''': Congratulations on bein' voted king of the Mardi Gras parade.
:'''Eli Big Daddy La Bouff''': Caught me completely by surprise...for the fifth year in a row! Now, how about I celebrate with...
:'''Tiana''': Beignets? Got me a fresh batch just waitin' for you.
:'''Eli Big Daddy La Bouff''': Well, keep 'em comin' 'til I pass out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Facilier''': ''[singing; to Naveen]'' Now you, young man, are from across the sea; you come from two long lines of royalty. ''[aside]'' I'm a royal myself on my mother's side. Your lifestyle's high, but your funds are low. You need to marry a little honey whose daddy got dough. ''[talking]'' Mom and Dad cut you off, huh, pretty boy?
:'''Prince Naveen''': Eh, sad, but true.
:'''Dr. Facilier''': Now y'all gotta get hitched, but hitchin' ties ya down! You just wanna be free - hop from place to place! But freedom takes ''green''... ''[snickers evilly and sings]'' It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need! And when I look into your future, it's the green that I see. ''[to Lawrence; singing]'' On you, little man, I don't wanna waste much time! You've been pushed around all your life! You've been pushed around by your mother, and your sister, and your brother. And if you was married...You'd be pushed around by your wife. ''[Naveen chuckles]'' But in your future, the you ''I'' see, is exactly the man you've always wanted to be! ''[talking]'' Shake my hand. Come on boys...Won't you shake, a poor sinner's hand? ''[while both men shake Dr. Faciller's hands, the background dissolves to some creepy voodoo masks singing]'' '''''Yes...'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the costume party, Charlotte is anxiously waiting for Naveen and warding off the advances of a young man named Travis]''
:'''Travis''': But Miss Charlotte, you said &quot;later&quot; 2 hours ago!
:'''Charlotte''': ''[exasperated]'' Travis, when a woman says &quot;later&quot;, she really means &quot;not ever&quot;! Now, run along. There are plenty of young fillies dyin' for you to waltz them into a stupor. ''[after a disappointed Travis walks away; rushes over to Tiana's table and grabs as many napkins as she can]'' GIMME THEM NAPKINS, QUICK!
:'''Tiana''': ''[confused]'' What on Earth for?
:'''Charlotte''': ''[stuffs the napkins inside the sleeves and neckline of her dress]'' I swear I am sweatin' like a sinner in church!

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt; 
:''[Tiana must kiss Naveen. She backs away in disgust]''
:'''Tiana''': Okay, Tiana, you can do this. You can do this. Just a little kiss. Just a little kiss. Okay.
:''[Naveen takes some breath spray. He and Tiana kiss. In a flash of green light, Tiana's dress is on the floor]''
:'''Prince Naveen''': ''[checks to see if he is still a frog. He is. He glances down and sees Tiana's dress on the floor; silently]'' ''Faldi Faldonza''!
:'''Tiana''': You don't look that much different. But how'd you get way up there? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lawrence, disguised as Naveen, runs into his guest house to find the real Naveen gone]''
:'''Lawrence''': ''[gasp]'' Oh, dear. ''[Dr. Facilier silently appears behind him]'' Oh! You're so quiet.
:'''Dr. Facilier''': You let him go?!
:'''Lawrence''': The poor devil was gasping, so I'd loosened the lid, ever so slightly... ''[gets tripped by Dr. Facilier's shadow, who laughs maliciously]'' How did I ever get tangled up this voodoo madness? I can't get through with this! ''[removes the talisman, changing into his true form]'' ''You'' wear this-this ghastly thing! ''[throws the talisman to Dr. Facilier]''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': ''[catches the talisman]'' CAREFUL WITH THAT!!! ''ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THIS, '''&lt;big&gt;I'M GONNA BE...!&lt;/big&gt;''''' ''[pauses as Lawrence quivers with fear; sighs and calms down]'' Fun fact about voodoo, Larry... ''[puts on the talisman; nothing happens]'' ...can't conjure a thing for myself. Besides, you and I both know the real power in this world ain't magic. It's money! Buckets of it.
:''[Thunder rumbles]''
:'''Lawrence''': That's true.
:'''Dr. Facilier''': Aren't you tired of living on the margins? While all those fat cats in their fancy cars don't give you so much as a sideways glance?
:'''Lawrence''': Yes...I am.
:'''Dr. Facilier''': All you gotta do is marry Big Daddy's little princess... ''[puts the talisman back on Lawrence]''  And we'll be splittin' that juicy Le Buoff fortune right down the middle...60-40, like I said.
:'''Lawrence''': Hmm...yeah. But uh...what about Naveen?
:'''Dr. Facilier''': Your little SLIP-UP... ''[smacks the back of Lawrence's head]'' will be a minor bump in the road. So long as we got the prince's blood in this.
:'''Lawrence''': ''[chuckles]'' Yes...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Prince Naveen''': You know, waitress, I've finally figured out what is wrong with you.
:'''Tiana''': Have you now?
:'''Prince Naveen''': You do not know how to have fun. There. So, what do you have to say?
:'''Tiana''': Thank you. 'Cause I figured out what ''your'' problem is, too.
:'''Prince Naveen''': I'm too wonderful? ''[a branch hits him]''
:'''Tiana''': No. You're a no-account, philanderin', lazy bum on the log!
:'''Prince Naveen''': ''[coughs fakely]'' Killjoy!
:'''Tiana''': What did you say?
:'''Prince Naveen''': Nothing. ''[coughs fakely]'' Stick-in-the-mud!
:'''Tiana''': Listen here, Mister. This &quot;stick-in-the-mud&quot; has had to work two jobs her whole life while you've been suckin' on a silver spoon, chasing chambermaids 'round your ivory tower!
:'''Prince Naveen''': Actually, it's polished marble...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The talisman is losing Naveen's blood; Dr. Facilier stands before a wall of living masks]''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': Friends, I know I am already deeply in debt to ya'll and everything, but it seems our little froggy prince, lost his way. And I'll be interested in ya'll help getting him back. ''[the masks snarl at him; laughs]'' I hear ya, now what's in it for ya'll? ''[pulls out a voodoo doll of Big Daddy La Bouff and a needle]'' Well, as soon as I ''dispose'' of Big Daddy La Bouff, and '''''I'm''''' running this town, I'll have the whole of New Orleans, in the palm of my hand. ''[whirls his hand around, showing an illusion of New Orleans; chuckles evilly. The illusion shrinks into his hand]'' And you'll have all the wayward souls your dark little hearts desire. ''[blows the illusions of screaming souls out of the illusion. The illusory souls waft upward into the masks' noses as they smile maliciously]'' Ya'll like that, don't you? ''[dusts his hands]'' So, we have ourselves a deal? ''[the large center mask glances at the other smaller masks, who give sinister grins. It then opens its mouth and shadowy ghosts ooze out from it, onto the walls around him; chuckles evilly]'' Now we're cooking! We gonna find ourselves a frog. Search everywhere! The bayou, the Quarter, bring him to me alive. I need his heart pumpin'! '''''For now...''''' ''Allez!'' ''[slams cane on ground]'' ''Toute suite!''
:''[The shadows take off to find Naveen]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Naveen looking up at the star of Evangeline, after creating a ring for Tiana]''
:'''Prince Naveen''': Oh, Evangeline. Why can't I just look Tiana in the eye and say, &quot;I will do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true because...because I love you.&quot;?
:'''Ray''': ''[mistakingly thinks that Naveen is in love with Evangeline]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cap! You're making goo-goo eyes at my girl?! That's it, put them up! I'm going to make some shoes out of you!
:'''Prince Naveen''': No, no, Ray, I'm not in love with Evangeline, I am in love with Tiana!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Tiana sees Lawrence and Charlotte on a wedding cake float, Ray enters the cemetery and sees Tiana brokenhearted]''
:'''Ray''': I know what we’ve seen with our eyes but...If we just go back there, we gonna find that your fairy tale come true.
:'''Tiana''': Just because you wish for something doesn’t make it true.
:'''Ray''': It’s like my Evangeline always said to me-
:'''Tiana''': ''[snaps]'' Evangeline is nothing but a star, Ray! A big ball of hot air a million miles from here! Open your eyes now, before you get hurt. ''[leaves]''
:'''Ray''': ''[looks back sadly at Evangeline in tears]'' She’s just big in a broken heart. That’s all it is. Come on, Evangeline. We're going to show Chère the truth.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray''': Hey...How come...you're...still...? 
:'''Tiana''': We're stayin' frogs, Ray.
:'''Prince Naveen''': And we're staying together.
:'''Ray''': Oh. Tres Bien. I like that very much. Evangeline...like that too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tiana has refused Dr. Facilier's deal and tries to smash the charm on the ground, but Facilier's shadow grabs it and gives it back to Dr. Facilier]''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': Y'all shoulda taken ma deal. ''[pins Tiana down with his cane]'' Now, you're gonna spend the rest o' your life bein' a slimy little frog! ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''Tiana''': ''[grins]'' I got news for you, Shadow Man. It's not slime, it's mucus! ''[grabs the charm with her tongue; smashes it on the ground]''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': No! NO!! ''[picks up the remains and gasps in horror as colorful lights flicker around him. Tiana hides]'' How am I ever gonna pay back my debt?! ''[three masks appear from the gravestones, chanting. Facilier smiles nervously]'' Friends!
:'''The masks''': ''[smiling evilly]'' ''♪ Are you ready? ♪''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': No! I'm not ready at all! In fact, I got lots more plans!
:'''The shrunken heads''': ''♪ Are you ready? ♪''
:'''Dr. Facilier''': This is just a minor setback in a major operation! ''[voodoo dolls burst out of the ground, carrying drumsticks. Facilier shrieks]'' As soon as I whip up another spell, we'll be back in business! I've still got that froggy prince locked away. ''[backs up against a tombstone with his shadow hiding behind him]'' I just need a little more time! ''[The tombstone transforms into a huge demonic mask; squeals]'' No, no, please, no! ''[a demon's hand grabs his shadow and starts to pulls him toward the mask's mouth; yelps in surprise]'' Just a little more time! ''[the demons chant and bang on drums; latests words before his death]'' I promise I'll pay y'all back! '''I PROMISE!''' ''[screams; he is pulled into the mask's mouth, along with the other demons. The mouth shuts and becomes a tombstone with his shocked face, above his name, engraved on it]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lawrence''': Sire, I've been looking for you everywhere!
:'''Prince Naveen''': Oh, what a coincidence, Lawrence! I've been avoiding you everywhere!
:'''Lawrence''': We're going to be late for the masqu...
:'''Prince Naveen''': Listen, Lawrence! Listen! Oh! ''[cut to various jazz musicians]'' Jazz! Jazz music! It was born here! It's beautiful, no?
:'''Lawrence''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mama Odie''': Good to see you again, Ray. How's your grandma?
:'''Ray''': Oh, she's fine. She got in a little trouble for flashin' the neighbors again.
:'''Mama Odie''': ''[laughs warmly]'' I like that old gal's spunk!

&lt;hr width =&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray''': ''[meeting Tiana and Naveen]'' Y'all must be new around here.
:'''Prince Naveen''': Actually, we are from a place, ''[chuckles lightly]'' far, far away from this world.
:'''Ray''': Go to bed! Y'all from Shreveport?

&lt;hr width =&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Charlotte''': Who'da thought a prince had a younger brother? How old did you say you were?
:'''Prince Ralphie''': I'm 6½.
:'''Charlotte''': Well, I waited this long!

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* A few years ago, Pixar had explored a version of The Frog Prince set in gangland Chicago. John Lasseter wanted to switch the locale to New Orleans, a city he loves, but the project was eventually shelved. Meanwhile Disney had explored various versions of The Frog Prince going all the way back to the time of Beauty and the Beast. In 2006, Disney bought the rights to a book called The Frog Princess, which was the fairy tale with a twist: when the Princess kissed the frog, she turned into a frog as well.
When John Lasseter was put in charge of Disney animation in February 2006, he asked John and me to take a look at all the previous versions and come up with our own. We combined the New Orleans setting with the twist, added some new characters and pitched a take that became the basis for the movie.
: We also did a lot of research in New Orleans itself. We went to the Jazz Fest, toured the French Quarter and the Garden District, spent a day with a Voodoo priestess and toured the bayou with a Cajun tour guide. We also got to ride a float during Mardi Gras. All of this stuff found its way into the movie.
* Mama Odie was based on Ava Kay Jones, an ordained Voodoo Priestess who we met with in New Orleans. She told us that even though magic is part of the Voodoo religion, when people come to someone like her for help, she advises them to never use magic to solve their problems. That almost always backfires. Rather they should look inside themselves for the answers. Dr. Facilier was based on the New Orleans &quot;Bokor&quot;. People who've broken away from the religion, made pacts with dark Voodoo spirits, and sell their magic for money. In terms of scariness, I think Facilier was handled similarly to our other villains like Ursula, Jafar, and Hades. We like scary stuff, but don't want to go too far. Some people thought Facilier was too scary.
:* [[w:Ron Clements|Ron Clements]] [http://www.dvdizzy.com/princessandthefrog-interview.html ''An Interview with John Musker and Ron Clements'' ''UltimateDisney'']

* In earlier versions of our story, Mama Odie gave our heroine some gris-gris, herbal charms that got &quot;energized&quot; in the climax. We wound up rewriting that as our gris-gris felt like a bit of a deus ex machina. We do think of Facilier and his shadows as scary and were not trying to soft-pedal that. Some of his scariness we thought of as &quot;funhouse&quot; scary and not slasher film scary.
** [[w:John Musker|John Musker]] [http://www.dvdizzy.com/princessandthefrog-interview.html ''An Interview with John Musker and Ron Clements'' ''UltimateDisney'']

==Cast==
* [[w:Anika Noni Rose|Anika Noni Rose]] — [[w:Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)|Tiana]]
* [[w:Bruno Campos|Bruno Campos]] — Prince Naveen
* [[w:Keith David|Keith David]] — Dr. Facilier
* [[w:Michael-Leon Wooley|Michael-Leon Wooley]] — Louis the Gator
* [[w:Jennifer Cody|Jennifer Cody]] — Charlotte &quot;Lottie&quot; La Bouff
* [[w:Jim Cummings|James J. Cummings]] — Ray the Firefly
* [[Jenifer Lewis]] — Mama Odie
* [[w:Peter Bartlett (actor)|Peter Bartlett]] — Lawrence
* [[John Goodman]] — Eli &quot;Big Daddy&quot; La Bouff
* [[Oprah Winfrey]] — Eudora
* [[Terrence Howard]] — James
* [[Frank Welker|Frank W. Welker]] — Stella
* [[Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Baker]] — Juju
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]]&lt;br&gt;Jerry Kernion — The Fenner Brothers
* [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]] — Ian the Gator
* [[w:Emeril Lagasse|Emeril Lagasse]] — Marlon the Gator

== External Links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0780521|title=The Princess and the Frog}}
{{Authority control}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Princess and the Frog, The}}
[[Category:2009 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:African-American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American animated romance films]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films about frogs]]
[[Category:Films set in New Orleans]]
[[Category:Films directed by Ron Clements]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Musker]]
[[Category:Animated films about princesses]]
[[Category:Jazz films]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films about weddings]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Films about Voodoo]]
[[Category:Southern Gothic films]]
[[Category:Cooking films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Joe Rogan</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Joreberg</username>
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      <comment>/* 2025 */ * [Donald Trump] should stick to the UFC. They’re going to boo him everywhere else.</comment>
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      <text bytes="33697" sha1="kdj4ie74vh6boa0defv6eye15futdw1" xml:space="preserve">[[File:2026 Joe Rogan at the White House (cropped).jpg|thumb|Joe Rogan in 2026]]

'''[[w:Joe Rogan|Joseph James &quot;Joe&quot; Rogan]]''' (born [[August 11]], [[1967]]) is an American podcaster, sports commentator, and stand up comedian.

[[File:Geraldstrebendtjoerogan.jpg|thumb|Women want a provider... a woman like Taylor Swift is not going to marry a bartender.[https://www.foxnews.com/media/joe-rogan-explains-women-want-provider-taylor-swift-not-going-marry-bartender ]]]

== Quotes ==

=== ''I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday…'' (2000) ===

* Just because I'm staring deep into your birth canal does not mean that I'm fucked up. It means you should have paid more attention in high school and I have a dollar. I have four quarters and ''you'' have a bad job. Don't get pissed at me because you didn't learn how to type, you no-back-up-plan-having pain in the ass.
** Response to a stripper

* I am not homophobic; I am cock-conscious.

=== ''Joe Rogan: Live'' (2006) ===

* Here's the craziest thing about life. This is the thing that nobody really considers: You know as much about what life is all about as anybody who's ever lived, ''ever''. That's the craziest thing about us. We're all just kinda wandering through this, going, &quot;You know what you're doing?&quot; &quot;''Yes.''&quot; &quot;Oh, I do, too. I know what I'm doing.&quot; &quot;Okay. Good, then.&quot; But really no one has a fucking clue.

* Some people don't believe in aliens. I ''do'' believe in aliens. But I believe they gave up on people a long time ago. Wouldn't you? I think there's a few liberal aliens out there, still hangin' in:
: &quot;Hey man, I think they're gonna pull it together. I think we should help them; give them more technology.&quot;
: &quot;No! Every time we do that, they blow shit up! No''ooo''&quot;.

* We have comic book bad guys. Osama Bin Laden is right out of a fucking comic book. Think about it: He's a billionaire genius … who hates us! He lives in a cave. He used to work for the good guys and got all their secrets, and then he switched over to the dark side. And every time they almost capture him, he mysteriously gets away, and leaves behind a threatening tape. What is this, a fuckin' Stan Lee production?

* When women go to see men strip, we ''never'' accuse you of hating men.

==== &quot;Noah's Ark&quot; ====

* I was at home the other day, high as giraffe pussy, watching the History Channel and they had this documentary on &quot;In Search of Noah's Ark&quot;, and I went &quot;Uhhhhh, how 'bout you go lookin' for the fuckin' Snuffleupagus while you're at it? I heard that dude's a-missin'! You really gonna go? Yeah? Hey, on the way back will you go to Whoville and get me some Green Eggs and Ham? You fucking gullible prick!&quot; Don't get me wrong, if you're religious I'm not saying there's no god, I'm saying; people are full of shit, and that story sucks. Hello? Why do we have to believe it just because it's been around a long time and makes no fucking sense. You tell the story of Noah and the Ark to an eight year old retarded boy - he's gonna have some questions. It's just a bad story! Even if you're really good at telling stories, and you set him down; &quot;Right, Bobby! Once upon a time, God was mad at ''all'' the people in the world! And instead of telling everybody what they were doing wrong and offering guidance, he decided to go ahead and drown '''everyone'''! And he only told one man - a random man named Noah. Just picked him out of a crowd, he wasn't a special man - in fact Noah was 600 years old and a drunk! Anyway, God told Noah to build a boat, and he and his family would be the only people to survive the flood. Because, apparently, all the people with their boats, their shit didn't work! Noah magically got two of each animal to come to him on foot, from ''all over the world''! And they willingly boarded the boat and got in the cages, and they sailed away for forty days and forty nights and civilisation began anew!&quot; Eight year old retarded boy's gonna be like &quot;Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhh, there's a lot of holes in that story! Let me sit down for a moment! First of all, how big is this fuckin' boat?! Didn't you tell me there were millions of animals? One guy built this boat, how long d'it take him? Where did he get all of the wooooooood? 600 years, he seem a little old for a fella to be taking on a project of this magnitude! ''[Grunting noises]'' The animals come on foot, isn't the earth 24,000 miles long? With three quarters covered with the water?! Wait a minute, what did the animals eat when they were on the boat for forty days, since '''since animals like to eat other animals'''! '''I'M NOT THAT RETARDED'''!&quot; You motherfucker. &quot;Four people come from Noah, Noah's a white guy, where did all the black people come from?!&quot; I'm all in favour in believing that there's a purpose to life. I just want it to make a little sense, that's all.

==== &quot;The Devolution of Stupid People&quot; ====

* That's the scariest thing about life, it's that dumb people are out-breeding smart people at a fucking '''staggering''' pace. And nobody ever even talks about it! We all kinda know it's happening, and the real problem is; most of us are dumb. We don't want to admit it, but really, how many of us are really smart? Look, I know I'm stupid. I know. I know I'm stupid, yet I'm smarter than almost everybody I meet! And the real problem with dumb people is, they don't even know they're dumb. That's a part of being dumb, you're not aware! There should be a way to tell, like a home pregnancy test type thing. Some shit you take at home and you lick it and you go &quot;Oh, I'm a fucking idiot! '''Shit!''' The fuck is this?! It's broken, gimme another one!&quot; Dudes would never believe it, idiots would have fucking boxes stacked to the ceiling. &quot;'''LIAR! COCKSUCKER! NO!'''&quot; The real problem is, most of us are idiots! We just like to think that we're not idiots because we use a bunch of shit that smart people have figured out. But how many of us understand any of that shit? Think about the technological level the world operates on, how many of us really understand that? What if everybody out there died, and we had to take over the world? How well would you think we'd do? ''[Crowd starts cheering]'' &quot;Yeah, terrific! We would do awesome!&quot; Yeah, does anybody really know how any of this shit works? ''[Taps microphone]'' Why's that loud, any idea? I've been a comedian for sixteen fucking years, I have no idea what's in there! I don't know, some loud shit? I don't know. ''[Points at spotlight]'' What makes that bright, bright shit? I don't know. Think about all the stuff you need to run your life. Computers and palm pilots and cell phones, how many of you know how to make ''any'' of that shit?! I mean, if I left you alone in the woods with a hatchet, how long before you can send me an email? '''We are not smart! We buy shit from smart people!''' I don't have a camera on my phone because I'm smart! If you left me on an island for a fucking million years I could never figure out how to put a camera on a phone! I don't even know what a camera is! I know that I press a button and a picture shows up. What happens between me pressing the button and the picture showing up is '''anybody's fucking guess'''! There might be leprechauns with spray paints fucking gremlins up the ass! All I know is &quot;megapixel&quot;! Yeah, you gotta say that to get the good shit. I don't even know what a megapixel is! It's like a noise you make with your mouth. &quot;Megapixel! Ohhh, you're clever! You are clever!&quot; Who knows of people who know that shit? Does anybody know anyone that's invented anything? Who are they? Is anybody watching them? Making sure they're alive? Making sure that somebody mixed kids with them? No! No one's paying attention! I think what's going to happen is that one day smart people are just gonna die and they're gonna leave us with a bunch of shit we don't understand. I think there's gonna be no warning! We're just gonna be sitting around, having a good time, having a couple of drinks, power's just going to shut off. Everybody's gonna get out their lighters &quot;Way to go, you fuckin' idiots! Can't even keep the power on, what the fuck …&quot; And what do you do when the power goes out? I don't know what you do, what I do usually is that I sit around and I wait. Cause I figure &quot;There's a guy fixing that shit. Probably working out it right now …&quot; How long will it take before you figure out all the smart people are dead? It would take ''years''. You would have to run out of batteries, &quot;Dude I don't know how to make a fucking battery, what do we do? '''SHIT!'''&quot; &quot;Listen, just get together with a torch, okay? Get a torch, we're all gonna meet in the street and we're all gonna work this out. It's gonna be cool.&quot; Standing out in the street with a torch, &quot;What'sup, fag?&quot; &quot;Dude, you know how to get the power on?&quot; &quot;I thought you did!&quot; &quot;No … all right, keep me posted.&quot; &quot;You too!&quot; We'd just be sitting in our houses with out torches. That would work. 'Till the animals realise we don't have electricity any more and they start sneaking around, checking shit out. And they realise there's no loud noises to scare them off any more and bears just start grabbing people. ''[Imitating bear attack]''. They just realise we're fat and slow, they don't even have to catch us. They scare us, we'll just black out. It's a matter of time before they start eating us! More evolution! But not me motherfucker, I've got guns! I've got bullets, I'm gonna be fine! … Until I run out of bullets. &quot;I don't know how to make a fucking bullet, do you? '''SHIIIITTTT!''' Dude, there's bears out there, we don't even have any bullets, what the fuck do we do?!&quot; &quot;Listen man, we're gotta get out of the city, we're sitting ducks. This is what we should do; we should move back into the caves!&quot; People will live in the caves again! &quot;Dude, it's safer in the caves, bro! Just fucking guard the entrance with sharp, pointy sticks!&quot; &quot;'''GRRRR'''&quot; &quot;AAHHHH!&quot; We would just get down to a core group of survivors, fighting off the bears. And within one or two generations we would forget '''EVERYTHING!''' Trigonometry, calculus, all that shit's gone! Science, the 'net, it's gone! It's never gonna happen again! It would take thousands of years, you would have to reinvent electricity … within one hundred years would think the world's flat and the sun is seventeen miles away. Just like the people that wrote The Bible, that's what they thought, ain't that funny? &quot;'''GRRRR'''&quot; &quot;AAHHHH!&quot; We would just devolve to a core group of survivors and let them re-evolve and re-discover the earth. How crazy would that be? How crazy would a caveman discovering downtown Phoenix be? Just coming out of the cave with his fucking club, with his buddies. &quot;Dude, who fuckin' built all this shit?&quot; &quot;Bro, it had to be aliens!&quot; &quot;'''FUCK YEAH!''' Fuck yeah it's aliens! I can't do that, you do that?&quot; &quot;Neither can I! What the fuck?&quot; See, I think this has happened before. I think it explains the pyramids. And yeah, I was ''reeeallyy'' high when I thought this up. But it makes sense! If you ever watch a documentary on how they built the pyramids, they have no idea how they made those things. &quot;Well, we believe they used levers&quot;, but this is all that you really need to know. They know they're there, so they know somebody made them. But all you need to know about the Great Pyramid of Giza; there's two million, three hundred thousand stones that weigh between two and 80 tonnes - some of them were cut form a quarry that was that was '''five hundred miles away'''! No machines, no trucks, no steel, they had copper tools and they were perfectly cut, you couldn't even get a razor blade in between these rocks and they were perfectly aligned, true North, South, East and West. And if you cut and place ten of these monstrous stones a day it would take you '''six hundred and sixty four fucking years''' to make one pyramid! All brought to you by people who thought the god Ra took the sun across the sky in a canoe and returned later that evening with the moon. They had sixteen year old queens! Cleopatra was '''sixteen years old''' when she was running shit. That's like Lindsay Lohan being Queen of the world! And they built that?! They built that? Are you sure? Are you sure? Okay, because I have another theory. I think people used to be really, really, really fuckin' smart! But the dumb ones just out-fucked the smart ones! That's what I think! I think that we are all the bastard children of the idiot stone workers of Egypt! I think that at one point there was a master race and they were reading each other's minds and they were free of ego and they were totally honest and they were mapping out the cosmos and behind them, the stone workers just fucked away. ''[Mimics stone workers having sex, and giving birth to a child]'' &quot;Oh look, he look just like me! That's my fella right there!&quot; They just took over. And one day the smart people just die. There's probably no warning. Just one day the idiots show up at the pyramids &quot;Hello?! Anybody in there?! We're supposed to get our checks on Friday! Hello?! The boy's have got overtime coming! The holidays' just around the corner, have you no heart?&quot; Then eventually they just realise the smart people are all dead. &quot;What do you want to do?&quot; &quot;I think for now we should just move into the pyramids then we'll figure it all out&quot;. And that's what they did, they just moved in. Then they just started lying about it. After a couple of generations, &quot;Who built this?&quot; &quot;'''WE DID!''' We're the best, we're number one! Egypt! Egypt! Egypt! Look at that beautiful flat wall! That's craftsmanship, son! I think I will draw stick figures on it! ''[Mimics drawing]'' &quot;This … is a woman … she's carrying food upon her head … that's important to document! And this … is a man … but, ''he has a head of a dog!'' And he's evil!&quot; You sure they made that? They wrote in stick figures, dude.

=== ''Shiny Happy Jihad'' (2007)===

* ''[About [[w:Fear Factor|Fear Factor]]]'' Every now and then I'll be right in the middle of it and just go &quot;''What'' the ''fuck'' am I doing? There's a girl with a mouthful of animal dicks, and I'm telling her 'you can get more in there', and she's ''listening'' to me. That's my ''job''? Oh, my guidance counselor owes me a fucking apology. That dude lacked vision.&quot;

* [It's] 2006 and [[w:cannabis|pot]] is still controversial. That's hilarious. Pot's still illegal and no one has a jet pack. What the ''fuck is going on?!'' Isn't this Silicon Valley? Where's the jet packs, bitch?! I just wanna go up to everyone making cell phones and say, &quot;Hey, ''that's small enough''. Stop right there. Just keep them ''working.''&quot; 72 inch TV? That's plenty big, dude. Just keep them working. No, you'll never get pot and you'll never get a jet pack. And you'll certainly never get the two of them at the same time. Civilization would fucking crumble. Be honest, would you work? 'Cuz I wouldn't work. Who the fuck is gonna show up for work at the mortgage company when you can smoke pot and ''fly''?!

* I was raised Catholic. That's why I don't take religion too seriously.

* I personally think confession was just someone's idea of a sick joke. One dude came up with it, then he died, and he forgot to tell everyone he was only fuckin' around. Think about the idea of confession … you take a guy who's not allowed to masturbate, or have sex, ''ever'', then you make him wear a ''costume'', then he has to sit in a dark booth, and listen to fuck stories whispered through a hole in the wall!

* Guys don't know they're pussy whipped until it's too late. Until you do something that lets you know, like when you shush your friends: &quot;Hey, man, remember that time we went to Vegas and…?&quot; &quot;Dude, shut the fuck up about Vegas! The fuck are you ''doing''?! The window's open, man! ''She's'' somewhere in the city!&quot;

* No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.

=== ''Talking Monkeys in Space'' (2010) ===

* Nature is everything, okay? We don't like to think that our society is nature, because we created it. But guess what? This is no different than a fucking beehive; it's just more complicated, 'cause people are smarter than bees. Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. … You know what's ''not'' natural? ''You'' … in the middle of the ''mountains'' … in the middle of the ''winter''.

* ''[On [[Dr. Phil]]]'' Ladies, please listen to me, don't you ever take relationship advice from a guy you don't wanna fuck, okay? Because let me tell you something: if you don't wanna fuck him, chances are a lot of other girls don't wanna fuck him either; and that guy is gonna say whatever he needs to to make you happy. … He says crazy shit. He told this one man that masturbating is ''just'' as bad as cheating on his wife. I fucking shit you not! If I had a gun in my hand I woulda Elvis'd that TV.

=== ''[[w:DMT: The Spirit Molecule|DMT: The Spirit Molecule]]'' (2010) ===

[[File:5-MeO-DMT.svg|thumb|We humbly reintroduce [[psychedelics]] back into the cultural dialogue.]]

* With the help of two concepts that are traditionally opposed—science and spirituality—we humbly reintroduce [[psychedelics]] back into the cultural dialogue.

* I ask that you suspend any opinions, either negative or positive, about these [[psychedelics|compounds]]. Whatever you believe their value to be, they continue to have profound effects wherever we find their use, whether it's contemporary Western culture or in the Amazon rainforest.

=== ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' (podcast) ===

* We're all in this, like, constant wrestling match with biology, and the reality of our environment, and the utter ridiculousness of the fucking universe. The whole thing. It's constantly weighing on you. When I drive home, every fucking time I drive anywhere, at some point in the drive, I'll roll down the window … and I look up, and I just want to see forever. And I just want to stick my fucking head out, and know that, that this goes on forever, right from here, forever, little perspective shot. Boom. Roll the window back up. ''None of it makes sense! It's all crazy!'' And if you're really paying attention to the whole thing, and pretending that ''everything's moving along fine and I'm in this temporary body, with no idea of what's next, but that's okay, I'm gonna raise a bunch of other temporary beings, and we're gonna fucking drive around, and spend money, which doesn't even mean anything, because it's based on confidence, and it's just ones and zeroes in a data bank somewhere, and hopefully no one's manipulating it! I want to get what I earn!'' And you just keep going 'til your fucking heart stops.

* People are scared, man. They're scared of the void.
** ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' #211 (2012)

* &lt;p&gt;'''[[Richard Dawkins]]''': I think that eternity is what is frightening about death. And eternity is best spent under a general anesthetic—which is what is going to happen.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Right. Gonezo. Out go the lights. Maybe, or maybe not. Have you had any experiences with psychedelics?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Richard Dawkins''': No.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Do you have any interest in that? […] I would think that a person like yourself, who has this sort of rigorous belief that the lights go out, and then that's it … I would think that that would be attractive to just at least dip your toes in.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Richard Dawkins''': Yes, yes. Well, don't you think the lights go out?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': I don't know. I have had some pretty profound psychedelic experiences that make me wonder what thoughts are and what [[w:Consciousness|consciousness]] is.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Richard Dawkins''': Well, I wonder what consciousness is, but it's pretty clear that it's to do with brains, and brains decay. So I wouldn't hold out much hope if I were you.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Well, you might be right. Certainly, consciousness does have to do with brains. We know brain damage severely perturbs consciousness. But there's some interaction with certain chemicals that makes this experience far different than what it is when we're on &quot;the natch&quot;.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Richard Dawkins''': I believe that, but it's still brains, though.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Still brains … but that's it? [[w:Reductionism|Reductionist]]?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Richard Dawkins''': Nothing wrong with reductionism.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Nothing wrong with it. Not saying there is.&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UKthGvQJHg ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' (20 January 2019)]

* &lt;p&gt;'''Hamilton Morris''': I had a very traumatic and formative experience myself. My best friend had a psychotic break while I was with him tripping, so I have seen this firsthand. I know exactly what it looks like.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Yeah, I've had friends have really bad experiences too with screaming and yelling and disassociation, and afterwards, become very strange and have a really hard time with reality for a bit. I've never seen someone have a complete psychotic break.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Hamilton Morris''': This was that. He never recovered.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Never?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Hamilton Morris''': He never recovered. He was my best friend at the time, and he never recovered.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': So he was fine before the psychedelics?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Hamilton Morris''': Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Jesus Christ. So now, he's still fucked?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Hamilton Morris''': Yes.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Damn.&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM8WDZIhs3M&amp;t=32m28s ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' #1136]

* &lt;p&gt;'''[[Brian Cox (physicist)|Brian Cox]]''': I'm damn sure that there's nothing going on in my head other than what is allowed by the laws of nature as we understand them.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': So, eliminating &quot;woo&quot;, you mean. The idea of the soul being some sort of a divine thing that's inside the housing of the body.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Brian Cox''': Yeah. I would say we can rule that out, actually.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Rule it out? How do you rule it out?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Brian Cox''': I have argued that we can rule it out in the following manner: here is my arm, right. It is made of electrons and protons and neutrons. And if I have a soul in there—something that we don't understand, but it's a different kind of energy or whatever it is we don't have in physics at the moment—it interacts with matter, because I am moving my hand around. So whatever it is, it is something that interacts very strongly with matter. But if you look at the history of particle physics in particular, which is the study of matter, we spent decades making high-precision measurements of how matter behaves and interacts. And we have looked, for example, for a fifth force of nature. So we know four forces: gravity, the two nuclear forces—called the weak and strong forces—and electromagnetism. And that is what we know exists. And we have looked for another one, with ultra-high precision, and we don't see any evidence for it. So I would claim that we know how matter interacts at these energies. It is room temperature now. At these energies, we know how matter interacts, very precisely. And so, if you want to suggest that there is something else that interacts with matter strongly, then I would say that it is ruled out. I would go as far as say that it is ruled out by experiment.&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wieRZoJSVtw&amp;t=1h22m38s ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' #1233]

* &lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': What do you think consciousness is? Do you think [[w:Metaphysical naturalism#The mind is a natural phenomenon|consciousness is clearly a factor of brain tissue]] and energy, or do you think it's possible that what our brain is is [[w:Mind–body dualism|something that &quot;tunes into&quot; consciousness]]?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''[[Brian Greene]]''': Well, I've spent some time thinking about this question, and I think it is perhaps the deepest question that faces science, or even humanity at some level. My own personal perspective is that consciousness is nothing more than the choreographed motion of particles in various quantum states inside a gloppy, gray structure that sits inside this thing that we call a &quot;head&quot;. Do I have any proof for that? No. Does anybody have any proof of what consciousness is? Not at all at this moment. But the history of the [[w:Reductionism|reductionist]] program, where we have been able to take some of the more spectacular creations that have emerged in the world and recognize that they are nothing but the product of their ingredients and the laws of physics, leads me to extrapolate that idea to the experience of consciousness. Now, having said that, there's a deep puzzle. It's called the [[w:Hard_problem_of_consciousness|hard problem of consciousness]], which is: if electrons and quarks and particles and laws of physics are all that there is—and if you buy into the fact that electrons don't have an inner world, that quarks don't have an inner world—how can it be that by taking a collection of those particles, you can &quot;turn on the lights&quot;? How can a collection of mindless, thoughtless particles somehow yield mindful experience? And that's a deep question that science has not yet answered. My own feeling is, when we understand the brain better, that question will evaporate. We'll look at the brain with our newfound understanding—maybe it's a hundred years in the making, maybe a thousand years in the making—and we'll say: &quot;Aha! When electrons and quarks and protons move in this particular configuration, one of the byproducts is an inner sensation that we call conscious experience.&quot; And that, to me, is the likely answer that we will find. But there are some very smart, well-respected people who go in a very [[w:Panpsychism|different direction]]. There are some who say: electrons and protons and quarks, they do have a fundamental proto-conscious quality. They themselves are conscious beings of a sort. Now, it is not like you are going to have electrons that are crying, or quarks that are anguishing, but if you have a little proto-element of conscious experience that is imbued into a particle, and then you take a lot of the particles and then you put them together, the idea is, that yields the manifest conscious experience that we're familiar with. I don't buy into that.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Joe Rogan''': Why do you pick a position?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Brian Greene''': Well, I take a position on this because I guess my view is, you look out at the world, and what you do as a physicist is, you move the smallest degree required to explain the phenomena that you are observing. And to move from our current understanding of the world, to leapfrog to a place where electrons are conscious and quarks are conscious, to me is such a fantastically radical move that I don't consider it justified to make that move with our current level of understanding. There was a time, back in the 1800s, when life itself was so mystical that people basically said the same kind of thing: how could a collection of lifeless particles ever come together and yield a living being? They said that they can't. You have to induce a life force, you have to inject a life force, and that's what sparks the emergence of life from lifeless particles. I don't think any serious scientist thinks that today. I think most serious scientists say: &quot;Yes, life is wonderful, life is in some sense miraculous, but life is nothing but the particles of nature coming together to yield the complex molecules of DNA and RNA, the complex cellular structures, the cells come together to yield the more complex multi-cellular organisms, and that is all that it takes to have something that is alive.&quot; No life force is necessary. That way of thinking about the world has gone away. And my own feeling is that that kind of progression is going to happen to consciousness. Today it's utterly mysterious how it is that I have this inner voice talking inside my head, how it is that I look around the world and I can see the color red, and I can experience the color red. I don't just have sensors that can call that &quot;red&quot;. I mean, an iPhone can do that. I actually have an inner world where I feel that color red. Where does that come from? Hard to answer, that question, but I think, a hundred or a thousand years from now, we'll look back and smile at how we in this era invested consciousness with such a mystical quality, when in the end, it's nothing but particles and the laws of physics, and that's all there is to it.&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4wQsmAtZoc&amp;t=1h08m12s ''The Joe Rogan Experience'' #1428]

* &quot;Do you know what I made the mistake of doing yesterday? I watched ''Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'' with my 8-year-old and my 10-year-old,&quot; Rogan said, as their conversation veered towards controversial films. … &quot;I didn't realise how transphobic that fucking movie is.&quot;
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T77uFdw9HJA Joe Rogan Experience #1228 - Bari Weiss], 21-01-2020-&lt;br&gt;Sofia Lotto Persio, [https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/01/26/joe-rogan-ace-ventura-transphobic/ Joe Rogan says Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is ‘insanely transphobic’], ''pinknews.co.uk'', 26-01-2019.


====2023====
*When did society forget that kids 'should not make life-changing choices' like gender surgery?
**[https://www.foxnews.com/media/joe-rogan-when-did-society-forget-kids-should-not-make-life-changing-choices-like-gender-surgery ]

*What’s weird is that when you say pride, people immediately think of gay.How insidious they snuck it in, They slowly took over pride like they took over the rainbow.
**[https://www.thedailybeast.com/joe-rogan-lgbtq-community-took-over-the-word-pride ]

*They don't feel like they fit in anyway. When they give them testosterone a lot of times there is alleviation of anxiety that comes with testosterone and euphoria that comes with that and they say ok this is who I've meant to be which is so crazy that introducing a foreign substance into your body or at least a substance that your body does not naturally have at masculine doses, and that you are introducing that to a feminine body and then saying this is who I naturally am . That doesn't make sense biologically , scientifically.
**https://spoti.fi/JoeRoganExperience August 2023 . 2016

*Canada’s fucking falling apart. All the shit they did during COVID was just the total wrong direction. The trucker convoy, when they froze people’s bank assets … they froze people’s bank accounts that donated money to the convoy. That’s crazy … a peaceful protest, which everybody is supposed to be all about, these people were protesting COVID vaccine mandates and the lockdowns and they fucking went after the people that donated, which is crazy … They shut their bank accounts down.
**[https://torontosun.com/entertainment/celebrity/joe-rogan-declares-canadas-falling-apart-and-takes-on-barbie-haters ]
* But they just don’t want him president again, And they know that if he runs against Biden, Biden is so old, you know? And no matter what you think about his policies, you hear him talk. He’s so old. He’s so compromised.
**https://thehill.com/homenews/3916025-joe-rogan-on-possible-trump-hush-money-indictment-didnt-clinton-do-that/

*No one is going to run against Trump on the Republican side and win because you are not going to get the Trump supporters. They are all in on Trump. Unless he has a stroke. Unless something horrible happens,People liked the ideas he was putting forward... everybody thinks there needs to be a wall. Even the Mayor of New York City is now calling to stop immigration into his city. This is a guy who called for it to be a sanctuary city.
*I would like to know what is it like when you actually get into office? I would like to know things like what is it like versus perception? What is it actually like when you get in that building? What are you greeted with? When do you know that people are fucking with you.
*You know, what is the machine that runs this country? Because it's very clear that it's not as simple as elected representatives that are doing the will of the people.
**[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12376347/Joe-Rogan-says-Donald-Trump-unbeatable-GOP-primary-race.html dailymail]

=== 2025 ===
* The targeting of migrant workers — not cartel members, not gang members, not drug dealers. Just construction workers. Showing up in construction sites, raiding them. Gardeners. Like, really?  I don’t think anybody would have signed up for that.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/joe-rogan-trump-2020-election-b2815018.html &quot;Joe Rogan finally realizes Trump doesn’t have evidence of his biggest complaint&quot;] ''Independent'' (August 27, 2025)

=== 2026 ===
: ''About Donald Trump:''
* He should stick to the UFC. They’re going to boo him everywhere else.
** [https://www.mediaite.com/media/joe-rogan-tells-trump-to-stick-to-the-ufc-because-knicks-game-shows-theyre-gonna-boo-him-everywhere-else/ &quot;Joe Rogan Tells Trump to ‘Stick to the UFC’ Because Knicks Game Shows ‘They’re Gonna Boo Him Everywhere Else’&quot;] ''Mediaite''  (June 10, 2026)

== External links ==
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    <title>Doug (TV series)</title>
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'''''[[w:Doug (TV series)|Doug]]''''' (1991-1994 (original); 1996-1999 (revival)) is an animated series, aired on Nicktoons (1991-1994), and ABC (1996-1999). In the show, an eleven-year-old boy named Doug Funnie moves to Bluffington with his family. There he and his friends have many adventures. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Recurring Quotes/Catchphrases== 

:'''Doug''': How did I get into this mess?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Very expensive. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal, hi, it's me, Doug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Sayonara, suckers! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Bone''': This is going on your permanent record!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Cool, man!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Hey Doug! Honk-honk! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[whenever someone calls his journal a diary]'' It's a JOURNAL!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Hey, Funnie!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': That's me... Hey!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Joey Cucamonga! (only said once in the Nickelodeon series)
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor White''': Vote for me!

==Season 1==
===''Doug Can't Dance / Doug Gets Busted'' [1.01]===
:'''Mr. Dink''': Say, Tippy. Wanna shag some balls?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Doug is writing in his journal.]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Diary, it's me... Doug. The school dance felt like it happened a long time ago, but I remember it like it was only yesterday. It all began...well, this afternoon!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?!
:'''Doug''': I'm a slug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes, dear.
:'''Mr. Dink''': And do you remember what you said?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.'
:'''Mr. Dink''': Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet.
:'''Mrs. Dink''': And into the refreshment table.
:'''Mr. Dink''': Still, wasn't that hospital really nice?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Patti''': Great costume. You make a wonderful slug.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[flustered while trying to explain his science fair project to Patti]'' Well... uh... uh... the reason the lava keeps shooting up into the air is... because I... love you.
:'''Patti''': Huh??
:'''Doug''': I mean... ''above'' you.  The sparks go ''above'' you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A fantasy sequence]''
:'''Ms. Wingo''': Now, class, does anyone know what the Sixth Article of the Constitution says? ... Patti? 
:'''Patti''': The Sixth Article of the Constitution states the courts shall have the power to punish anyone who covers the science lab with molten lava.
:'''Ms. Wingo''': And do we know anyone like that?
:'''Class''': ''[turning and pointing in unison at Doug, who is crouched at the side of his desk]'' IT'S HIM!
:'''Doug''': ''[jumping on top of his desk and putting a rose in his mouth]'' You'll never get... wa na na... Jack Bandit! ''[swings across classroom on a rope, and before escaping out the window, tosses his rose to Patti, who catches it]''
:'''Patti''': ''[dreamily]'' What a guy!
:''[After jumping out the window, Jack lands in the arms of a police officer]''
:'''Mr. Bone''': ''[through megaphone]'' Funnie!  This is goin' on your permanent record!
:'''Patti''': Jack!  You've got to escape!
:'''Doug''': ''[rolling out of policeman's arms]'' So long, suckers!!!
:''[Back to reality.  Doug has just fallen out of bed and Porkchop licks him awake.]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' It seemed as if my only chance was to go on the lam.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': On second thought, I think I better just draw a map. It's a lot safer.

===''Doug Bags a Neematoad'' [1.02]===
:'''Mr. Funnie''': Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived!
:''[The population sign changes from 19,997 to 20,001 people.]''
:'''Doug''': Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I hope Skeeter and me become best friends-'' ''[Porkchop begins growling]'' ''-best humans friends!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': I'll catch one that'll make that 'neematoad' look like a 'neematadpole'!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': So, Douglas, did you find the Honker Burger? Or did you just starve to death?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I'm Doug. Funnie. I didn't catch yours.
:'''Roger''': That's because I didn't throw it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Approaches Honker Burger Register]''
:'''Doug''': Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwich, four large fries and four grape sodas.
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': What on Earth are you trying to say?
:'''Doug''': What do you mean?
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': I can't understand you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, my family is starving....
:''[Skeeter arrives]'' 
:'''Skeeter''': Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?
:'''Doug''': Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?
:'''Skeeter''': One salad from the salad bar.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!
:'''Doug''': It's just a phase.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': This is my wife, Tippy. Most people call her Mrs. Dink. I usually call her on a telephone!
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Who writes your material, dear?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judy''': The air is electric with fragrance of this new venture. What's that smell? ''[realizes the smell is cow manure]'' Ooh... give me strength!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal.
:'''Dad''': That's a big ten-four, buddy!

===''Doug's Dog's Date / Doug's Big Nose'' [1.03]===

===''Doug Takes a Hike / Doug Rocks'' [1.04]===

===''Doug Can't Dig It / Doug Didn't Do It'' [1.05]===

===''Doug is Mayor for a Day / Doug's No Dummy'' [1.06]===

===''Doug's Cool Shoes / Doug to the Rescue'' [1.07]===

===''Doug Gets His Ears Lowered / Doug on the Wild Side'' [1.08]===

===''Doug's Big Catch / Doug Needs Money'' [1.09]===

===''Doug's Runaway Journal / Doug's Doodle'' [1.10]===

===''Doug's Cookin' / Doug Loses Dale'' [1.11]===

===''Doug is Quailman / Doug Out in Left Field'' [1.12]===

===''Doug's Fair Lady / Doug Says Goodbye'' [1.13]===

==Season 2==

===''Doug's Got No Gift / Doug vs. the Klotzoid Zombies'' [2.01]===

===''Doug Takes the Case / Doug's Secret Song'' [2.02]===

===''Doug's Secret Admirer / Doug's on TV'' [2.03]===

===''Doug's Dinner Date / Doug Meets Fentruck'' [2.04]===

===''Doug Battles the Rulemeister / Doug's a Genius'' [2.05]===

:'''Rulemeister''': Fair? Who said rules had to be fair?
:'''Bebe''': When will I cut my hair!?
:'''Skeeter''': When do we get a day off from school?


:'''Doug''': Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: &quot;No grabbing other people's comics&quot;.
:'''Patti''': And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.
:'''Doug''': It's a rule, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But it's a silly and pointless rule.
:'''Patti''': But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?
:'''Mr. Bone''': Not another rule.
:'''Doug''': Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: &quot;No more Saturday Detentions&quot;.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Effective immediately?
:'''Doug''': Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!


:'''Doug''': ''[looking at Patti's painting]'' Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...
:'''Patti''': Huh?? 
:'''Doug''': ...Or you can leave the trees off if you want.  It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.
:'''Patti''': I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug.  It's my grandmother!
:'''Doug''': Huh? ''[examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head]'' Well, of course.  Heh heh.  Just a little... art joke, Patti.

===''Doug Saves Roger / Doug's Big News'' [2.06]===

:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!
:'''Doug''': That'll take me forever.

===''Doug's a Big Fat Liar / Doug Wears Tights'' [2.07]===

===''Doug's Derby Dilemma / Doug on His Own'' [2.08]===
:'''Judy''': Mother...I am not going to have fun. This is research for my part in the next school play, &quot;Teenage Bimbos from Planet Earth.&quot; As the lead bimbo I've got to find out what it's like being a typical shallow teenager. I've got to look into their empty heads and get into the character's vacuous soul.

===''Doug on the Trail / Doug Meets RoboBone'' [2.09]===

===''Doug's Hot Ticket / Doug's Dental Disaster'' [2.10]===

===''Doug's on Stage / Doug's Worst Nightmare'' [2.11]===

:''[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from [[w:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]].]''
:'''Roger''': ''[about to climb ladder to the window]'' It is the sun!  And... and... Judy is the East!
:'''Doug''': Psst!  Roger... Roger!
:'''Roger''': ''[climbing ladder]'' It is my lady!  O, it is my love!  O, that she knew she were!  Won't you come to the window, my love?
:''[Mrs. Dink lifts the window blind]''
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Nice try, Romeo.  But you're about thirty years too late.
:''[Roger screams and falls off the ladder into the bushes]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''Our'' house is over ''there'', Roger.

===''Doug Pumps Up / Doug Goes Hollywood'' [2.12]===

===''Doug's Lost Weekend / Doug's Lucky Hat'' [2.13]===

==Season 3==

===''Doug's Fat Cat / Doug and Patti, P.I.'' [3.01]===
:'''Roger''': Hey, uh, Funnie.
:'''Doug''': Yeah?
:'''Roger''': I'm-I'm counting on you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Stinky is a ''girl''?  Roger, why didn't you tell me?
:'''Roger''': Well, how was I supposed to know?
:'''Mrs. Klotz''': Son, we're way past due for a very important talk.

===''Doug is Slave for a Day / Doug Rocks the House'' [3.02]===
:'''Doug''': ''[hands Patti a doorknob]'' It's for you. It's just something I thought would help you remember-
:'''Patti''': The Pattersons?
:'''Doug''': The Pattersons, what?
:'''Patti''': It's the Pattersons' door knocker. They were our next door neighbors.
:'''Doug''': Boy, I can't even get the right door knocker.
:'''Patti''': No Doug. I'd like to keep it, if that's okay with you.
:'''Doug''': To remind you of how dumb I am?
:'''Patti''': No... to remind me of how sweet you are.
:'''Doug''': Huh?
:''[She hugs him]''

===''Doug's Comic Collaboration / Doug's Pet Capades'' [3.03]===

===''Doug's Career Anxiety / Doug's Big Brawl'' [3.04]===

===''Doug's Huge Zit / Doug Flies a Kite'' [3.05]===

===''Doug and the Weird Kids / Doug's Behind the Wheel'' [3.06]===

===''Doug's New Teacher / Doug on First'' [3.07]===

===''Doug's Cartoon / Doug's Monster Movie'' [3.08]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': Why if everybody thought of what they say, well, everything will be all higgledy piggledy. Isn't that right, Funnie?
:'''Doug''': Yes, sir. All higgledy piggledy.

:'''Mr. Bone''': Oh, why didn't you say so? Hello? Why, Mr. Buttsavage, how was your vaca- You thought it would be what? ''[to Doug]'' He saw the cartoon. You really are in trouble, mister. ''[to Mr. Buttsavage]'' Why, of course I get the joke. Ha ha, I thought it would be pretty funny too. Yes, I will, Mr. Buttsavage! Goodbye. ''[to Doug again]'' Well, young man. I just saved your fanny. Yessir, you can spend a long time in detention if I hadn't done some fast talking. In fact, I convinced Mr. Buttsavage to like your cartoon. So, just be grateful.

===''Doug's Hot Property / Doug and the Little Liar'' [3.09]===

===''Doug Inc. / Doug's Nightmare on Jumbo Street'' [3.10]===
:'''Doug''': That's it? That's the monster? Look, you can see the zipper in the back. ''[laughs]''

===''Doug's Shock Therapy / Doug is Hamburger Boy'' [3.11]===

===''Doug and the Yard of Doom / Doug's Garage Band'' [3.12]===
:'''Patti''': Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.
:'''Doug''': I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.
:'''Patti''': I could've given you another one to play with.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' Another one?
:'''Patti''': Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

===''Doug's Great Beet War / Doug's Magic Act'' [3.13]===

==Season 4==

===''Doug's Math Problem / Doug's Big Feat'' [4.01]===

===''Doug's Bum Rap / Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree'' [4.02]===
:'''Doug''': I wanted to see what a regular, normal person did on a date, but I had to settle for Judy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?
:'''Patti''': I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?
:'''Doug''': No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.
:'''Patti''': Me neither. 
:'''Doug''': I can't believe everyone thought it was.

===''Doug Door to Door / Doug Tips the Scales'' [4.03]===
:'''Doug''': So Roger had to give all the money back and we started our fundraising drive all over again. And this time, we didn't even have to go door to door.

===''Doug's Halloween Adventure'' [4.04]===
:''[After pranking Roger]''
:'''Doug''': Did you see their faces?
:'''Skeeter''': Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.
:'''Doug''': And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

===''Doug En Vogue / Doug's Mail Order Mania'' [4.05]===
:'''Doug''': Well, I guess I learned a lesson. Get rich quick schemes sure are tempting but you just can't count on them. Better to stick with what you're good at.

===''Doug's Birthday Present / Doug's Fan Club'' [4.06]===
:'''Doug''': Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.
:'''Phil''': You mean you kids don't care about being rich?
:'''Judy''': Well I wouldn't go that far.
:'''Doug''': What I really want for my birthday is...is you. ''[they all embrace]'' And maybe a football.

===''Doug Runs / Doug Clobbers Patti'' [4.07]===

===''Doug's Treasure Hunt / Doug's Brainy Buddy'' [4.08]===

===''Doug Ripped Off! / Doug's Babysitter'' [4.09]===

===''Doug's in the Money / Doug's Sister Act'' [4.10]===

===''Doug's Christmas Story'' [4.11]===
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' Dear journal, funny how on the best holiday, The worst thing that could happen, happened. The trouble started a couple of days before Christmas.
:'''Beebe''': ''[shoos Porkchop to get him out of her way]'' Go away, porkchop, I'm busy! ''[rushes to get pinecone from Thin ice but was accidentally bitten when Porkchop tries to get her away from thin ice, yells in pain]'' Ow! My leg! Somebody help!
:'''Connie''': ''[runs to Beebe]'' 
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing.
:'''All''': ''[gasping to see Porkchop accidentally bit Porkchop]''
:'''Connie''': ''[comforts Beebe]'' You poor thing.
:'''Doug''': ''[sees Beebe got bitten and was bleeding]'' What happened?
:'''Connie''': ''[angrily points at Porkchop]'' Porkchop attacked beebe.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' What? Porkchop. He what?!
:'''Patti''': Beebe, are you okay?
:'''Beebe''': My leg! ''[moaning in pain]''
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing! He came up behind her and bit her.
:'''Doug''': ''[gets ticked and angrily screams at Porkchop]'' Porkchop, bad dog!
:'''Porkchop''': ''[whimpers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[angrily scolds Porkchop for biting Beebe]'' Porkchop, how could you do that? You never did anything like this before. You don't bite people! Even if it is Beebe.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[barking about what happened]''
:'''Doug''': ''[furiously screams at Porkchop]'' Quit clowning around, Porkchop! This is serious. ''[angrily sends Porkchop to his doghouse]'' You go in your Igloo and think about what you did.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[tearfully whimpers and sadly enters his doghouse]''
:'''Judy''': ''[drives to the house]'' Doug! Come on, we're going to be late! Come on, Dougie. Only two more Christmas shopping hours Until mom gets home. Honestly, Doug, you're slower than Christmas.

===''Doug Throws a Party / Doug Way Out West'' [4.12]===

===''Doug Graduates / Doug's Bad Trip'' [4.13]===
:''[Doug's graduating from school]'' 
:'''Doug''': When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.
:'''Patti''': Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate! 
:''[Doug joins his friends]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines of Nickelodeon series]''
:'''Doug''': Dad was right. It was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen. And he was right about something else too. It really did bring our family closer than we'd ever been before.

==Season 5==

===''Doug's Last Birthday'' [5.01]===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal. Remember Me? Doug Funnie. It seems like years since I've written but it doesn't since the beginning of summer.

:'''Doug''': Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.
:'''Judy''': Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---
:'''Doug''': Okay, okay, you made your point!

===''Doug's Hot Dog'' [5.16]===
:'''Judy''': ''[pissed off]'' DOUGLAS!!!
:'''Doug''': ''[takes the Shakespeare book]'' Let go, boy.
:'''Judy''': Huh? ''[sees the Shakespear book destroyed, gasps and got pissed off]'' Do you know what this is, You stupid Curr?! A Shakespeare first Poem was at the museum! (to the puppy angrily) Let go!
:'''Baker''': ''[eats the paper and swallows it which pisses Judy off]''
:'''Judy''': ''[shrieking]'' He ate Shakespear! I'm having a heart attack. ''[furiously turns red with anger and angrily grabs Doug by the shirt]'' YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THAT BEAST!!!
:'''Doug''': I can't watch it all the time. When do I get to have fun?
:'''Judy''': I don't care! He's your responsibility!

==Season 6==

===''Doug's Secret of Success'' [6.01]===
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone?! But we left him back in Elementary school.
:'''Skeeter''': Bone?! Again?!
:'''Roger''': Oh, this is a bad dream. Somebody pinch me! ''[his friends pinch him]'' Ow, hey, cut it out!
:'''Mr. Bone''': Playtime's over, people! The bone... is back!


===''Quailman vs. The Quizzler'' [7.15]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': What have we here? Loiters? You want to get to class, misters, or do you want a nice big detention slip!?

==Cast==
*[[w:Billy West|Billy West]] as Douglas Doug Funnie, Roger Klotz, others (Nickelodeon and Disney series)
*[[w:Thomas McHugh|Thomas McHugh]] as Douglas Doug Funnie (Disney series)
*[[w:Chris Phillips (voice actor)|Chris Phillips]] as Roger Klotz (Disney series)
*[[w:Fred Newman (actor)|Fred Newman]] as Mosquito Skeeter Valentine, Bud Dink, Porkchop, others
*[[w:Constance Shulman|Constance Shulman]] as Patricia Patti Mayonnaise 
*[[w:Becca Lish|Becca Lish]] as Judith Judy Funnie, Theda Funnie, Connie Benge, others 
*[[w:Alice Playten|Alice Playten]] as Beebe Bluff
*[[w:Doug Preis|Doug Preis]] as Phillip Phil Funnie, Assistant Principal Lamar Bone, Chalky Studebaker, others 
*[[w:Greg Lee (actor)|Greg Lee]] as Mayor (later Principal) Robert Bob White
*[[w:Doris Belack|Doris Belack]] as Mrs. Wingo (Nickelodeon series), Tippy Dink

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Doug (TV series)}}
*[http://www.bcdb.com/cartoons/28449-Doug_Bags_A_Neematoad Big Cartoon Database]
*{{imdb title|0101084}}
*[http://www.tv.com/show/1714/summary.html TV.com Profile]
*{{imdb title|0122815|Disney's Doug}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:1990s French animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:French children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Middle school TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:ABC Kids shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Television series by Disney Television Animation]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Season 1 */</comment>
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'''''[[w:Doug (TV series)|Doug]]''''' (1991-1994 (original); 1996-1999 (revival)) is an animated series, aired on Nicktoons (1991-1994), and ABC (1996-1999). In the show, an eleven-year-old boy named Doug Funnie moves to Bluffington with his family. There he and his friends have many adventures. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Recurring Quotes/Catchphrases== 

:'''Doug''': How did I get into this mess?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Very expensive. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal, hi, it's me, Doug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Sayonara, suckers! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Bone''': This is going on your permanent record!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Cool, man!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Hey Doug! Honk-honk! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[whenever someone calls his journal a diary]'' It's a JOURNAL!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Hey, Funnie!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': That's me... Hey!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Joey Cucamonga! (only said once in the Nickelodeon series)
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor White''': Vote for me!

==Season 1==
===''Doug Can't Dance / Doug Gets Busted'' [1.01]===
:'''Mr. Dink''': Hey, Tippy. Wanna shag some balls?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Doug is writing in his journal.]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Diary, it's me... Doug. The school dance felt like it happened a long time ago, but I remember it like it was only yesterday. It all began...well, this afternoon!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?!
:'''Doug''': I'm a slug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes, dear.
:'''Mr. Dink''': And do you remember what you said?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.'
:'''Mr. Dink''': Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet.
:'''Mrs. Dink''': And into the refreshment table.
:'''Mr. Dink''': Still, wasn't that hospital really nice?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Patti''': Great costume. You make a wonderful slug.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[flustered while trying to explain his science fair project to Patti]'' Well... uh... uh... the reason the lava keeps shooting up into the air is... because I... love you.
:'''Patti''': Huh??
:'''Doug''': I mean... ''above'' you.  The sparks go ''above'' you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A fantasy sequence]''
:'''Ms. Wingo''': Now, class, does anyone know what the Sixth Article of the Constitution says? ... Patti? 
:'''Patti''': The Sixth Article of the Constitution states the courts shall have the power to punish anyone who covers the science lab with molten lava.
:'''Ms. Wingo''': And do we know anyone like that?
:'''Class''': ''[turning and pointing in unison at Doug, who is crouched at the side of his desk]'' IT'S HIM!
:'''Doug''': ''[jumping on top of his desk and putting a rose in his mouth]'' You'll never get... wa na na... Jack Bandit! ''[swings across classroom on a rope, and before escaping out the window, tosses his rose to Patti, who catches it]''
:'''Patti''': ''[dreamily]'' What a guy!
:''[After jumping out the window, Jack lands in the arms of a police officer]''
:'''Mr. Bone''': ''[through megaphone]'' Funnie!  This is goin' on your permanent record!
:'''Patti''': Jack!  You've got to escape!
:'''Doug''': ''[rolling out of policeman's arms]'' So long, suckers!!!
:''[Back to reality.  Doug has just fallen out of bed and Porkchop licks him awake.]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' It seemed as if my only chance was to go on the lam.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': On second thought, I think I better just draw a map. It's a lot safer.

===''Doug Bags a Neematoad'' [1.02]===
:'''Mr. Funnie''': Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived!
:''[The population sign changes from 19,997 to 20,001 people.]''
:'''Doug''': Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I hope Skeeter and me become best friends-'' ''[Porkchop begins growling]'' ''-best humans friends!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': I'll catch one that'll make that 'neematoad' look like a 'neematadpole'!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': So, Douglas, did you find the Honker Burger? Or did you just starve to death?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I'm Doug. Funnie. I didn't catch yours.
:'''Roger''': That's because I didn't throw it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Approaches Honker Burger Register]''
:'''Doug''': Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwich, four large fries and four grape sodas.
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': What on Earth are you trying to say?
:'''Doug''': What do you mean?
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': I can't understand you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, my family is starving....
:''[Skeeter arrives]'' 
:'''Skeeter''': Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?
:'''Doug''': Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?
:'''Skeeter''': One salad from the salad bar.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!
:'''Doug''': It's just a phase.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': This is my wife, Tippy. Most people call her Mrs. Dink. I usually call her on a telephone!
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Who writes your material, dear?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judy''': The air is electric with fragrance of this new venture. What's that smell? ''[realizes the smell is cow manure]'' Ooh... give me strength!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal.
:'''Dad''': That's a big ten-four, buddy!

===''Doug's Dog's Date / Doug's Big Nose'' [1.03]===

===''Doug Takes a Hike / Doug Rocks'' [1.04]===

===''Doug Can't Dig It / Doug Didn't Do It'' [1.05]===

===''Doug is Mayor for a Day / Doug's No Dummy'' [1.06]===

===''Doug's Cool Shoes / Doug to the Rescue'' [1.07]===

===''Doug Gets His Ears Lowered / Doug on the Wild Side'' [1.08]===

===''Doug's Big Catch / Doug Needs Money'' [1.09]===

===''Doug's Runaway Journal / Doug's Doodle'' [1.10]===

===''Doug's Cookin' / Doug Loses Dale'' [1.11]===

===''Doug is Quailman / Doug Out in Left Field'' [1.12]===

===''Doug's Fair Lady / Doug Says Goodbye'' [1.13]===

==Season 2==

===''Doug's Got No Gift / Doug vs. the Klotzoid Zombies'' [2.01]===

===''Doug Takes the Case / Doug's Secret Song'' [2.02]===

===''Doug's Secret Admirer / Doug's on TV'' [2.03]===

===''Doug's Dinner Date / Doug Meets Fentruck'' [2.04]===

===''Doug Battles the Rulemeister / Doug's a Genius'' [2.05]===

:'''Rulemeister''': Fair? Who said rules had to be fair?
:'''Bebe''': When will I cut my hair!?
:'''Skeeter''': When do we get a day off from school?


:'''Doug''': Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: &quot;No grabbing other people's comics&quot;.
:'''Patti''': And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.
:'''Doug''': It's a rule, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But it's a silly and pointless rule.
:'''Patti''': But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?
:'''Mr. Bone''': Not another rule.
:'''Doug''': Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: &quot;No more Saturday Detentions&quot;.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Effective immediately?
:'''Doug''': Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!


:'''Doug''': ''[looking at Patti's painting]'' Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...
:'''Patti''': Huh?? 
:'''Doug''': ...Or you can leave the trees off if you want.  It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.
:'''Patti''': I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug.  It's my grandmother!
:'''Doug''': Huh? ''[examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head]'' Well, of course.  Heh heh.  Just a little... art joke, Patti.

===''Doug Saves Roger / Doug's Big News'' [2.06]===

:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!
:'''Doug''': That'll take me forever.

===''Doug's a Big Fat Liar / Doug Wears Tights'' [2.07]===

===''Doug's Derby Dilemma / Doug on His Own'' [2.08]===
:'''Judy''': Mother...I am not going to have fun. This is research for my part in the next school play, &quot;Teenage Bimbos from Planet Earth.&quot; As the lead bimbo I've got to find out what it's like being a typical shallow teenager. I've got to look into their empty heads and get into the character's vacuous soul.

===''Doug on the Trail / Doug Meets RoboBone'' [2.09]===

===''Doug's Hot Ticket / Doug's Dental Disaster'' [2.10]===

===''Doug's on Stage / Doug's Worst Nightmare'' [2.11]===

:''[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from [[w:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]].]''
:'''Roger''': ''[about to climb ladder to the window]'' It is the sun!  And... and... Judy is the East!
:'''Doug''': Psst!  Roger... Roger!
:'''Roger''': ''[climbing ladder]'' It is my lady!  O, it is my love!  O, that she knew she were!  Won't you come to the window, my love?
:''[Mrs. Dink lifts the window blind]''
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Nice try, Romeo.  But you're about thirty years too late.
:''[Roger screams and falls off the ladder into the bushes]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''Our'' house is over ''there'', Roger.

===''Doug Pumps Up / Doug Goes Hollywood'' [2.12]===

===''Doug's Lost Weekend / Doug's Lucky Hat'' [2.13]===

==Season 3==

===''Doug's Fat Cat / Doug and Patti, P.I.'' [3.01]===
:'''Roger''': Hey, uh, Funnie.
:'''Doug''': Yeah?
:'''Roger''': I'm-I'm counting on you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Stinky is a ''girl''?  Roger, why didn't you tell me?
:'''Roger''': Well, how was I supposed to know?
:'''Mrs. Klotz''': Son, we're way past due for a very important talk.

===''Doug is Slave for a Day / Doug Rocks the House'' [3.02]===
:'''Doug''': ''[hands Patti a doorknob]'' It's for you. It's just something I thought would help you remember-
:'''Patti''': The Pattersons?
:'''Doug''': The Pattersons, what?
:'''Patti''': It's the Pattersons' door knocker. They were our next door neighbors.
:'''Doug''': Boy, I can't even get the right door knocker.
:'''Patti''': No Doug. I'd like to keep it, if that's okay with you.
:'''Doug''': To remind you of how dumb I am?
:'''Patti''': No... to remind me of how sweet you are.
:'''Doug''': Huh?
:''[She hugs him]''

===''Doug's Comic Collaboration / Doug's Pet Capades'' [3.03]===

===''Doug's Career Anxiety / Doug's Big Brawl'' [3.04]===

===''Doug's Huge Zit / Doug Flies a Kite'' [3.05]===

===''Doug and the Weird Kids / Doug's Behind the Wheel'' [3.06]===

===''Doug's New Teacher / Doug on First'' [3.07]===

===''Doug's Cartoon / Doug's Monster Movie'' [3.08]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': Why if everybody thought of what they say, well, everything will be all higgledy piggledy. Isn't that right, Funnie?
:'''Doug''': Yes, sir. All higgledy piggledy.

:'''Mr. Bone''': Oh, why didn't you say so? Hello? Why, Mr. Buttsavage, how was your vaca- You thought it would be what? ''[to Doug]'' He saw the cartoon. You really are in trouble, mister. ''[to Mr. Buttsavage]'' Why, of course I get the joke. Ha ha, I thought it would be pretty funny too. Yes, I will, Mr. Buttsavage! Goodbye. ''[to Doug again]'' Well, young man. I just saved your fanny. Yessir, you can spend a long time in detention if I hadn't done some fast talking. In fact, I convinced Mr. Buttsavage to like your cartoon. So, just be grateful.

===''Doug's Hot Property / Doug and the Little Liar'' [3.09]===

===''Doug Inc. / Doug's Nightmare on Jumbo Street'' [3.10]===
:'''Doug''': That's it? That's the monster? Look, you can see the zipper in the back. ''[laughs]''

===''Doug's Shock Therapy / Doug is Hamburger Boy'' [3.11]===

===''Doug and the Yard of Doom / Doug's Garage Band'' [3.12]===
:'''Patti''': Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.
:'''Doug''': I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.
:'''Patti''': I could've given you another one to play with.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' Another one?
:'''Patti''': Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

===''Doug's Great Beet War / Doug's Magic Act'' [3.13]===

==Season 4==

===''Doug's Math Problem / Doug's Big Feat'' [4.01]===

===''Doug's Bum Rap / Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree'' [4.02]===
:'''Doug''': I wanted to see what a regular, normal person did on a date, but I had to settle for Judy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?
:'''Patti''': I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?
:'''Doug''': No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.
:'''Patti''': Me neither. 
:'''Doug''': I can't believe everyone thought it was.

===''Doug Door to Door / Doug Tips the Scales'' [4.03]===
:'''Doug''': So Roger had to give all the money back and we started our fundraising drive all over again. And this time, we didn't even have to go door to door.

===''Doug's Halloween Adventure'' [4.04]===
:''[After pranking Roger]''
:'''Doug''': Did you see their faces?
:'''Skeeter''': Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.
:'''Doug''': And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

===''Doug En Vogue / Doug's Mail Order Mania'' [4.05]===
:'''Doug''': Well, I guess I learned a lesson. Get rich quick schemes sure are tempting but you just can't count on them. Better to stick with what you're good at.

===''Doug's Birthday Present / Doug's Fan Club'' [4.06]===
:'''Doug''': Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.
:'''Phil''': You mean you kids don't care about being rich?
:'''Judy''': Well I wouldn't go that far.
:'''Doug''': What I really want for my birthday is...is you. ''[they all embrace]'' And maybe a football.

===''Doug Runs / Doug Clobbers Patti'' [4.07]===

===''Doug's Treasure Hunt / Doug's Brainy Buddy'' [4.08]===

===''Doug Ripped Off! / Doug's Babysitter'' [4.09]===

===''Doug's in the Money / Doug's Sister Act'' [4.10]===

===''Doug's Christmas Story'' [4.11]===
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' Dear journal, funny how on the best holiday, The worst thing that could happen, happened. The trouble started a couple of days before Christmas.
:'''Beebe''': ''[shoos Porkchop to get him out of her way]'' Go away, porkchop, I'm busy! ''[rushes to get pinecone from Thin ice but was accidentally bitten when Porkchop tries to get her away from thin ice, yells in pain]'' Ow! My leg! Somebody help!
:'''Connie''': ''[runs to Beebe]'' 
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing.
:'''All''': ''[gasping to see Porkchop accidentally bit Porkchop]''
:'''Connie''': ''[comforts Beebe]'' You poor thing.
:'''Doug''': ''[sees Beebe got bitten and was bleeding]'' What happened?
:'''Connie''': ''[angrily points at Porkchop]'' Porkchop attacked beebe.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' What? Porkchop. He what?!
:'''Patti''': Beebe, are you okay?
:'''Beebe''': My leg! ''[moaning in pain]''
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing! He came up behind her and bit her.
:'''Doug''': ''[gets ticked and angrily screams at Porkchop]'' Porkchop, bad dog!
:'''Porkchop''': ''[whimpers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[angrily scolds Porkchop for biting Beebe]'' Porkchop, how could you do that? You never did anything like this before. You don't bite people! Even if it is Beebe.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[barking about what happened]''
:'''Doug''': ''[furiously screams at Porkchop]'' Quit clowning around, Porkchop! This is serious. ''[angrily sends Porkchop to his doghouse]'' You go in your Igloo and think about what you did.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[tearfully whimpers and sadly enters his doghouse]''
:'''Judy''': ''[drives to the house]'' Doug! Come on, we're going to be late! Come on, Dougie. Only two more Christmas shopping hours Until mom gets home. Honestly, Doug, you're slower than Christmas.

===''Doug Throws a Party / Doug Way Out West'' [4.12]===

===''Doug Graduates / Doug's Bad Trip'' [4.13]===
:''[Doug's graduating from school]'' 
:'''Doug''': When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.
:'''Patti''': Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate! 
:''[Doug joins his friends]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines of Nickelodeon series]''
:'''Doug''': Dad was right. It was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen. And he was right about something else too. It really did bring our family closer than we'd ever been before.

==Season 5==

===''Doug's Last Birthday'' [5.01]===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal. Remember Me? Doug Funnie. It seems like years since I've written but it doesn't since the beginning of summer.

:'''Doug''': Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.
:'''Judy''': Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---
:'''Doug''': Okay, okay, you made your point!

===''Doug's Hot Dog'' [5.16]===
:'''Judy''': ''[pissed off]'' DOUGLAS!!!
:'''Doug''': ''[takes the Shakespeare book]'' Let go, boy.
:'''Judy''': Huh? ''[sees the Shakespear book destroyed, gasps and got pissed off]'' Do you know what this is, You stupid Curr?! A Shakespeare first Poem was at the museum! (to the puppy angrily) Let go!
:'''Baker''': ''[eats the paper and swallows it which pisses Judy off]''
:'''Judy''': ''[shrieking]'' He ate Shakespear! I'm having a heart attack. ''[furiously turns red with anger and angrily grabs Doug by the shirt]'' YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THAT BEAST!!!
:'''Doug''': I can't watch it all the time. When do I get to have fun?
:'''Judy''': I don't care! He's your responsibility!

==Season 6==

===''Doug's Secret of Success'' [6.01]===
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone?! But we left him back in Elementary school.
:'''Skeeter''': Bone?! Again?!
:'''Roger''': Oh, this is a bad dream. Somebody pinch me! ''[his friends pinch him]'' Ow, hey, cut it out!
:'''Mr. Bone''': Playtime's over, people! The bone... is back!


===''Quailman vs. The Quizzler'' [7.15]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': What have we here? Loiters? You want to get to class, misters, or do you want a nice big detention slip!?

==Cast==
*[[w:Billy West|Billy West]] as Douglas Doug Funnie, Roger Klotz, others (Nickelodeon and Disney series)
*[[w:Thomas McHugh|Thomas McHugh]] as Douglas Doug Funnie (Disney series)
*[[w:Chris Phillips (voice actor)|Chris Phillips]] as Roger Klotz (Disney series)
*[[w:Fred Newman (actor)|Fred Newman]] as Mosquito Skeeter Valentine, Bud Dink, Porkchop, others
*[[w:Constance Shulman|Constance Shulman]] as Patricia Patti Mayonnaise 
*[[w:Becca Lish|Becca Lish]] as Judith Judy Funnie, Theda Funnie, Connie Benge, others 
*[[w:Alice Playten|Alice Playten]] as Beebe Bluff
*[[w:Doug Preis|Doug Preis]] as Phillip Phil Funnie, Assistant Principal Lamar Bone, Chalky Studebaker, others 
*[[w:Greg Lee (actor)|Greg Lee]] as Mayor (later Principal) Robert Bob White
*[[w:Doris Belack|Doris Belack]] as Mrs. Wingo (Nickelodeon series), Tippy Dink

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Doug (TV series)}}
*[http://www.bcdb.com/cartoons/28449-Doug_Bags_A_Neematoad Big Cartoon Database]
*{{imdb title|0101084}}
*[http://www.tv.com/show/1714/summary.html TV.com Profile]
*{{imdb title|0122815|Disney's Doug}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:1990s French animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:French children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Middle school TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:ABC Kids shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Television series by Disney Television Animation]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Doug (TV series)|Doug]]''''' (1991-1994 (original); 1996-1999 (revival)) is an animated series, aired on Nicktoons (1991-1994), and ABC (1996-1999). In the show, an eleven-year-old boy named Doug Funnie moves to Bluffington with his family. There he and his friends have many adventures. The show was aimed at older children, and preteens, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Recurring Quotes/Catchphrases== 

:'''Doug''': How did I get into this mess?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Very expensive. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal, hi, it's me, Doug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Sayonara, suckers! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Bone''': This is going on your permanent record!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Cool, man!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Hey Doug! Honk-honk! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[whenever someone calls his journal a diary]'' It's a JOURNAL!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Hey, Funnie!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': That's me... Hey!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Joey Cucamonga! (only said once in the Nickelodeon series)
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor White''': Vote for me!

==Season 1==
===''Doug Can't Dance / Doug Gets Busted'' [1.01]===
:'''Mr. Dink''': Hey, Tippy. Wanna shag some balls?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Doug is writing in his journal.]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Diary, it's me... Doug. The school dance felt like it happened a long time ago, but I remember it like it was only yesterday. It all began...well, this afternoon!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?!
:'''Doug''': I'm a slug. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes, dear.
:'''Mr. Dink''': And do you remember what you said?
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.'
:'''Mr. Dink''': Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet.
:'''Mrs. Dink''': And into the refreshment table.
:'''Mr. Dink''': Still, wasn't that hospital really nice?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Patti''': Great costume. You make a wonderful slug.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[flustered while trying to explain his science fair project to Patti]'' Well... uh... uh... the reason the lava keeps shooting up into the air is... because I... love you.
:'''Patti''': Huh??
:'''Doug''': I mean... ''above'' you.  The sparks go ''above'' you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A fantasy sequence]''
:'''Ms. Wingo''': Now, class, does anyone know what the Sixth Article of the Constitution says? ... Patti? 
:'''Patti''': The Sixth Article of the Constitution states the courts shall have the power to punish anyone who covers the science lab with molten lava.
:'''Ms. Wingo''': And do we know anyone like that?
:'''Class''': ''[turning and pointing in unison at Doug, who is crouched at the side of his desk]'' IT'S HIM!
:'''Doug''': ''[jumping on top of his desk and putting a rose in his mouth]'' You'll never get... wa na na... Jack Bandit! ''[swings across classroom on a rope, and before escaping out the window, tosses his rose to Patti, who catches it]''
:'''Patti''': ''[dreamily]'' What a guy!
:''[After jumping out the window, Jack lands in the arms of a police officer]''
:'''Mr. Bone''': ''[through megaphone]'' Funnie!  This is goin' on your permanent record!
:'''Patti''': Jack!  You've got to escape!
:'''Doug''': ''[rolling out of policeman's arms]'' So long, suckers!!!
:''[Back to reality.  Doug has just fallen out of bed and Porkchop licks him awake.]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' It seemed as if my only chance was to go on the lam.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': On second thought, I think I better just draw a map. It's a lot safer.

===''Doug Bags a Neematoad'' [1.02]===
:'''Mr. Funnie''': Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived!
:''[The population sign changes from 19,997 to 20,001 people.]''
:'''Doug''': Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I hope Skeeter and me become best friends-'' ''[Porkchop begins growling]'' ''-best humans friends!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': I'll catch one that'll make that 'neematoad' look like a 'neematadpole'!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': So, Douglas, did you find the Honker Burger? Or did you just starve to death?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': I'm Doug. Funnie. I didn't catch yours.
:'''Roger''': That's because I didn't throw it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Approaches Honker Burger Register]''
:'''Doug''': Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwich, four large fries and four grape sodas.
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': What on Earth are you trying to say?
:'''Doug''': What do you mean?
:'''Honker Burger Lady''': I can't understand you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, my family is starving....
:''[Skeeter arrives]'' 
:'''Skeeter''': Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?
:'''Doug''': Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?
:'''Skeeter''': One salad from the salad bar.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!
:'''Doug''': It's just a phase.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Dink''': This is my wife, Tippy. Most people call her Mrs. Dink. I usually call her on a telephone!
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Who writes your material, dear?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Judy''': The air is electric with fragrance of this new venture. What's that smell? ''[realizes the smell is cow manure]'' Ooh... give me strength!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal.
:'''Dad''': That's a big ten-four, buddy!

===''Doug's Dog's Date / Doug's Big Nose'' [1.03]===

===''Doug Takes a Hike / Doug Rocks'' [1.04]===

===''Doug Can't Dig It / Doug Didn't Do It'' [1.05]===

===''Doug is Mayor for a Day / Doug's No Dummy'' [1.06]===

===''Doug's Cool Shoes / Doug to the Rescue'' [1.07]===

===''Doug Gets His Ears Lowered / Doug on the Wild Side'' [1.08]===

===''Doug's Big Catch / Doug Needs Money'' [1.09]===

===''Doug's Runaway Journal / Doug's Doodle'' [1.10]===

===''Doug's Cookin' / Doug Loses Dale'' [1.11]===

===''Doug is Quailman / Doug Out in Left Field'' [1.12]===

===''Doug's Fair Lady / Doug Says Goodbye'' [1.13]===

==Season 2==

===''Doug's Got No Gift / Doug vs. the Klotzoid Zombies'' [2.01]===

===''Doug Takes the Case / Doug's Secret Song'' [2.02]===

===''Doug's Secret Admirer / Doug's on TV'' [2.03]===

===''Doug's Dinner Date / Doug Meets Fentruck'' [2.04]===

===''Doug Battles the Rulemeister / Doug's a Genius'' [2.05]===

:'''Rulemeister''': Fair? Who said rules had to be fair?
:'''Bebe''': When will I cut my hair!?
:'''Skeeter''': When do we get a day off from school?


:'''Doug''': Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: &quot;No grabbing other people's comics&quot;.
:'''Patti''': And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.
:'''Doug''': It's a rule, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': But it's a silly and pointless rule.
:'''Patti''': But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?
:'''Mr. Bone''': Not another rule.
:'''Doug''': Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: &quot;No more Saturday Detentions&quot;.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Effective immediately?
:'''Doug''': Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.
:'''Mr. Bone''': Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!


:'''Doug''': ''[looking at Patti's painting]'' Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...
:'''Patti''': Huh?? 
:'''Doug''': ...Or you can leave the trees off if you want.  It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.
:'''Patti''': I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug.  It's my grandmother!
:'''Doug''': Huh? ''[examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head]'' Well, of course.  Heh heh.  Just a little... art joke, Patti.

===''Doug Saves Roger / Doug's Big News'' [2.06]===

:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.
:'''Mr. Bone''': I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!
:'''Doug''': That'll take me forever.

===''Doug's a Big Fat Liar / Doug Wears Tights'' [2.07]===

===''Doug's Derby Dilemma / Doug on His Own'' [2.08]===
:'''Judy''': Mother...I am not going to have fun. This is research for my part in the next school play, &quot;Teenage Bimbos from Planet Earth.&quot; As the lead bimbo I've got to find out what it's like being a typical shallow teenager. I've got to look into their empty heads and get into the character's vacuous soul.

===''Doug on the Trail / Doug Meets RoboBone'' [2.09]===

===''Doug's Hot Ticket / Doug's Dental Disaster'' [2.10]===

===''Doug's on Stage / Doug's Worst Nightmare'' [2.11]===

:''[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from [[w:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]].]''
:'''Roger''': ''[about to climb ladder to the window]'' It is the sun!  And... and... Judy is the East!
:'''Doug''': Psst!  Roger... Roger!
:'''Roger''': ''[climbing ladder]'' It is my lady!  O, it is my love!  O, that she knew she were!  Won't you come to the window, my love?
:''[Mrs. Dink lifts the window blind]''
:'''Mrs. Dink''': Nice try, Romeo.  But you're about thirty years too late.
:''[Roger screams and falls off the ladder into the bushes]'' 
:'''Doug''': ''Our'' house is over ''there'', Roger.

===''Doug Pumps Up / Doug Goes Hollywood'' [2.12]===

===''Doug's Lost Weekend / Doug's Lucky Hat'' [2.13]===

==Season 3==

===''Doug's Fat Cat / Doug and Patti, P.I.'' [3.01]===
:'''Roger''': Hey, uh, Funnie.
:'''Doug''': Yeah?
:'''Roger''': I'm-I'm counting on you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Stinky is a ''girl''?  Roger, why didn't you tell me?
:'''Roger''': Well, how was I supposed to know?
:'''Mrs. Klotz''': Son, we're way past due for a very important talk.

===''Doug is Slave for a Day / Doug Rocks the House'' [3.02]===
:'''Doug''': ''[hands Patti a doorknob]'' It's for you. It's just something I thought would help you remember-
:'''Patti''': The Pattersons?
:'''Doug''': The Pattersons, what?
:'''Patti''': It's the Pattersons' door knocker. They were our next door neighbors.
:'''Doug''': Boy, I can't even get the right door knocker.
:'''Patti''': No Doug. I'd like to keep it, if that's okay with you.
:'''Doug''': To remind you of how dumb I am?
:'''Patti''': No... to remind me of how sweet you are.
:'''Doug''': Huh?
:''[She hugs him]''

===''Doug's Comic Collaboration / Doug's Pet Capades'' [3.03]===

===''Doug's Career Anxiety / Doug's Big Brawl'' [3.04]===

===''Doug's Huge Zit / Doug Flies a Kite'' [3.05]===

===''Doug and the Weird Kids / Doug's Behind the Wheel'' [3.06]===

===''Doug's New Teacher / Doug on First'' [3.07]===

===''Doug's Cartoon / Doug's Monster Movie'' [3.08]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': Why if everybody thought of what they say, well, everything will be all higgledy piggledy. Isn't that right, Funnie?
:'''Doug''': Yes, sir. All higgledy piggledy.

:'''Mr. Bone''': Oh, why didn't you say so? Hello? Why, Mr. Buttsavage, how was your vaca- You thought it would be what? ''[to Doug]'' He saw the cartoon. You really are in trouble, mister. ''[to Mr. Buttsavage]'' Why, of course I get the joke. Ha ha, I thought it would be pretty funny too. Yes, I will, Mr. Buttsavage! Goodbye. ''[to Doug again]'' Well, young man. I just saved your fanny. Yessir, you can spend a long time in detention if I hadn't done some fast talking. In fact, I convinced Mr. Buttsavage to like your cartoon. So, just be grateful.

===''Doug's Hot Property / Doug and the Little Liar'' [3.09]===

===''Doug Inc. / Doug's Nightmare on Jumbo Street'' [3.10]===
:'''Doug''': That's it? That's the monster? Look, you can see the zipper in the back. ''[laughs]''

===''Doug's Shock Therapy / Doug is Hamburger Boy'' [3.11]===

===''Doug and the Yard of Doom / Doug's Garage Band'' [3.12]===
:'''Patti''': Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.
:'''Doug''': I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.
:'''Patti''': I could've given you another one to play with.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' Another one?
:'''Patti''': Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

===''Doug's Great Beet War / Doug's Magic Act'' [3.13]===

==Season 4==

===''Doug's Math Problem / Doug's Big Feat'' [4.01]===

===''Doug's Bum Rap / Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree'' [4.02]===
:'''Doug''': I wanted to see what a regular, normal person did on a date, but I had to settle for Judy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug''': Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?
:'''Patti''': I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?
:'''Doug''': No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.
:'''Patti''': Me neither. 
:'''Doug''': I can't believe everyone thought it was.

===''Doug Door to Door / Doug Tips the Scales'' [4.03]===
:'''Doug''': So Roger had to give all the money back and we started our fundraising drive all over again. And this time, we didn't even have to go door to door.

===''Doug's Halloween Adventure'' [4.04]===
:''[After pranking Roger]''
:'''Doug''': Did you see their faces?
:'''Skeeter''': Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.
:'''Doug''': And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

===''Doug En Vogue / Doug's Mail Order Mania'' [4.05]===
:'''Doug''': Well, I guess I learned a lesson. Get rich quick schemes sure are tempting but you just can't count on them. Better to stick with what you're good at.

===''Doug's Birthday Present / Doug's Fan Club'' [4.06]===
:'''Doug''': Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.
:'''Phil''': You mean you kids don't care about being rich?
:'''Judy''': Well I wouldn't go that far.
:'''Doug''': What I really want for my birthday is...is you. ''[they all embrace]'' And maybe a football.

===''Doug Runs / Doug Clobbers Patti'' [4.07]===

===''Doug's Treasure Hunt / Doug's Brainy Buddy'' [4.08]===

===''Doug Ripped Off! / Doug's Babysitter'' [4.09]===

===''Doug's in the Money / Doug's Sister Act'' [4.10]===

===''Doug's Christmas Story'' [4.11]===
:'''Doug''': ''[narrating]'' Dear journal, funny how on the best holiday, The worst thing that could happen, happened. The trouble started a couple of days before Christmas.
:'''Beebe''': ''[shoos Porkchop to get him out of her way]'' Go away, porkchop, I'm busy! ''[rushes to get pinecone from Thin ice but was accidentally bitten when Porkchop tries to get her away from thin ice, yells in pain]'' Ow! My leg! Somebody help!
:'''Connie''': ''[runs to Beebe]'' 
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing.
:'''All''': ''[gasping to see Porkchop accidentally bit Porkchop]''
:'''Connie''': ''[comforts Beebe]'' You poor thing.
:'''Doug''': ''[sees Beebe got bitten and was bleeding]'' What happened?
:'''Connie''': ''[angrily points at Porkchop]'' Porkchop attacked beebe.
:'''Doug''': ''[shocked]'' What? Porkchop. He what?!
:'''Patti''': Beebe, are you okay?
:'''Beebe''': My leg! ''[moaning in pain]''
:'''Chalk''': ''[points to Porkchop]'' I saw the whole thing! He came up behind her and bit her.
:'''Doug''': ''[gets ticked and angrily screams at Porkchop]'' Porkchop, bad dog!
:'''Porkchop''': ''[whimpers]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Doug''': ''[angrily scolds Porkchop for biting Beebe]'' Porkchop, how could you do that? You never did anything like this before. You don't bite people! Even if it is Beebe.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[barking about what happened]''
:'''Doug''': ''[furiously screams at Porkchop]'' Quit clowning around, Porkchop! This is serious. ''[angrily sends Porkchop to his doghouse]'' You go in your Igloo and think about what you did.
:'''Porkchop''': ''[tearfully whimpers and sadly enters his doghouse]''
:'''Judy''': ''[drives to the house]'' Doug! Come on, we're going to be late! Come on, Dougie. Only two more Christmas shopping hours Until mom gets home. Honestly, Doug, you're slower than Christmas.

===''Doug Throws a Party / Doug Way Out West'' [4.12]===

===''Doug Graduates / Doug's Bad Trip'' [4.13]===
:''[Doug's graduating from school]'' 
:'''Doug''': When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.
:'''Patti''': Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate! 
:''[Doug joins his friends]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines of Nickelodeon series]''
:'''Doug''': Dad was right. It was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen. And he was right about something else too. It really did bring our family closer than we'd ever been before.

==Season 5==

===''Doug's Last Birthday'' [5.01]===
:''[First lines]''
:'''Doug''': Dear Journal. Remember Me? Doug Funnie. It seems like years since I've written but it doesn't since the beginning of summer.

:'''Doug''': Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.
:'''Judy''': Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---
:'''Doug''': Okay, okay, you made your point!

===''Doug's Hot Dog'' [5.16]===
:'''Judy''': ''[pissed off]'' DOUGLAS!!!
:'''Doug''': ''[takes the Shakespeare book]'' Let go, boy.
:'''Judy''': Huh? ''[sees the Shakespear book destroyed, gasps and got pissed off]'' Do you know what this is, You stupid Curr?! A Shakespeare first Poem was at the museum! (to the puppy angrily) Let go!
:'''Baker''': ''[eats the paper and swallows it which pisses Judy off]''
:'''Judy''': ''[shrieking]'' He ate Shakespear! I'm having a heart attack. ''[furiously turns red with anger and angrily grabs Doug by the shirt]'' YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THAT BEAST!!!
:'''Doug''': I can't watch it all the time. When do I get to have fun?
:'''Judy''': I don't care! He's your responsibility!

==Season 6==

===''Doug's Secret of Success'' [6.01]===
:'''Doug''': Mr. Bone?! But we left him back in Elementary school.
:'''Skeeter''': Bone?! Again?!
:'''Roger''': Oh, this is a bad dream. Somebody pinch me! ''[his friends pinch him]'' Ow, hey, cut it out!
:'''Mr. Bone''': Playtime's over, people! The bone... is back!

==Season 7==

===''Quailman vs. The Quizzler'' [7.15]===

:'''Mr. Bone''': What have we here? Loiters? You want to get to class, misters, or do you want a nice big detention slip!?

==Cast==
*[[w:Billy West|Billy West]] as Douglas Doug Funnie, Roger Klotz, others (Nickelodeon and Disney series)
*[[w:Thomas McHugh|Thomas McHugh]] as Douglas Doug Funnie (Disney series)
*[[w:Chris Phillips (voice actor)|Chris Phillips]] as Roger Klotz (Disney series)
*[[w:Fred Newman (actor)|Fred Newman]] as Mosquito Skeeter Valentine, Bud Dink, Porkchop, others
*[[w:Constance Shulman|Constance Shulman]] as Patricia Patti Mayonnaise 
*[[w:Becca Lish|Becca Lish]] as Judith Judy Funnie, Theda Funnie, Connie Benge, others 
*[[w:Alice Playten|Alice Playten]] as Beebe Bluff
*[[w:Doug Preis|Doug Preis]] as Phillip Phil Funnie, Assistant Principal Lamar Bone, Chalky Studebaker, others 
*[[w:Greg Lee (actor)|Greg Lee]] as Mayor (later Principal) Robert Bob White
*[[w:Doris Belack|Doris Belack]] as Mrs. Wingo (Nickelodeon series), Tippy Dink

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Doug (TV series)}}
*[http://www.bcdb.com/cartoons/28449-Doug_Bags_A_Neematoad Big Cartoon Database]
*{{imdb title|0101084}}
*[http://www.tv.com/show/1714/summary.html TV.com Profile]
*{{imdb title|0122815|Disney's Doug}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
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[[Category:Middle school TV shows]]
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[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
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  <page>
    <title>Brass Eye</title>
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'''''[[w:Brass Eye|Brass Eye]]''''' (1997, 2001) is a [[w:Channel 4|Channel 4]] satirical spoof documentary show, parodying [[w:current affairs|current affairs]] documentaries and the media sensationalism and [[w:moral panic|moral panics]] surrounding certain social issues. The series was created by [[w:Chris Morris (satirist)|Chris Morris]] and written by Morris, [[w:David Quantick|David Quantick]], [[w:Peter Baynham|Peter Baynham]], [[w:Jane Bussmann|Jane Bussmann]], [[w:Arthur Mathews (writer)|Arthur Mathews]] and [[w:Graham Linehan|Graham Linehan]].

== Series I ==

=== ''Animals'' ===
:'''Chris Morris''': Boo-hoo about calves! They do that with crabs, I don't see you weeping about crabs.
:'''Dinner Party Guest''': Well, I think every animal has as much right decent treatment as we do.
:'''Chris Morris''': You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak! Thanks. ''[leaves the table]''
----
:'''Chris Morris''': ''[describing a tradition in Tripoli]'' An outdoor celebration in which the men of Tripoli have a great time - but the same cannot be said for their cattle. At the climax of the feast, a cow is rounded up and driven into a metal tube - a tube which is charged with explosives. The cow is fired through the air and lands in a crunched-up bone heap. Running men then clobber any remaining life out of it with their fists and feet and sticks. The body is dragged about and then left for the dogs and jackals. And possibly scorpions if they eat meat, I don't know...
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Over the centuries, man's relationship with animals has been complex. In ancient Egypt, felines were worshipped because the Egyptians thought they were funny. Many of today's familiar relics are cat monuments. ''[pyramids are shown as the ears of huge cat statues]'' These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one. Europe, too, has its animal traditions. In Zaragoza, the streets still get crazy with the annual running of the wasp. In Britain in the last century, it was quite acceptable for a young gentleman to lose his virginity to one of London's many whore dogs. Dickens and Prince Albert both boasted of their experience. Today animals are used more discreetly, as a vital lubricant in the wheels of government.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': There are many legal sports that kill animals too.
:'''Patrick Da Fronk''': ''[a fox hunter]'' I think the thing that people get fussed about is that a fox is a small brown furry animal, very much like a dog. Um, I don't think they'd be nearly so worried if it was a little four-legged car... full of chips. 
:'''Chris Morris''': The evil of our relationship remains a paradox. If you plot &quot;Number of animals abused&quot; against &quot;What makes people cruel&quot; versus &quot;Intelligence of either party&quot;, the pattern is so unreadable that you might as well draw in a chain of fox heads on sticks. And if you do that, an interesting thing happens: the word &quot;cruel&quot; starts flashing. So, are we cruel to hunt foxes?
:'''Patrick Da Fronk''': The fox feels nothing. It's made of... string.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Institutionalised cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is quite another. Ted Maul disturbs.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': What sort of mind would do this? We contacted a huge bank of psychiatrists in the States. They told us: &quot;The guy's a homo!&quot;
----
:'''Simon Hottrin''': ''[tormenting a cow]'' You don't even know what electricity is, do ya? Little planets in the wires...
----
:'''Ted Maul''': These docs show that Hottrin had been driven nuts because the land on which he lives is owned by the cow. In the will of Edith Bates, a local crone who loved cattle - then eccentric, now dead - the cow inherited the land, and a special bank account for stockpiling rent. Meanwhile for the beast, which knows nothing of money or bitter mankind, life has become a living cow-mare, thanks to the thoughtless beneficence of a mad old woman.
----
:'''David Jatt''': Here's a point. We execute wasps, but we don't execute dogs.
:'''Sir Peregrine Worsthorne''': We execute wasps because they sting us, and dogs give us pleasure.

=== ''Drugs'' ===
:'''Chris Morris''': The effects of a heroin overdose are lethal. Yes, in the short term, but there's been absolutely no research into the long-term effects.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': People say that alcohol's a drug. It's not a drug, it's a drink!
----
:'''Chris Morris''': The biggest problem of all is the law. It is legal to carry drugs if you're not actually touching them. These men avoid contact by using helium balloons attached to little drug baskets. It's also legal to buy and sell drugs if you do it through a mandrill. Typically mandrills work at night, approaching the house of a client with a drug pouch and returning with the money. Mandrills are intelligent and vicious, capable of throwing a 12-stone man over 40 feet, but mandrills have been protected by law ever since [[w:Elizabeth I|Queen Elizabeth I]] gave birth to a child resembling a mandrill by mistake.
----
:'''Noel Edmonds''': What is Cake? Well, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as &quot;dimesmeric andersonphospate&quot;. It stimulates the part of the brain called &quot;Shatner's bassoon&quot;, and that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So a second feels like a month. Well, it almost sounds like fun, unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street, straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street...
----
:'''Bruno Brookes''': ''[about &quot;Cake&quot;]'' You know, they've even tested this stuff on rats. Turned them into bloody space hoppers, for God's sake! Come on!
----
:'''Lemuel Webb''': ''[to a classroom of kids]'' Drugs need you. ''[underlines the &quot;U&quot; on a blackboard and crosses it out]'' If you take the &quot;you&quot; out of drugs, what have you got? Drgs.
----
:'''Ian Beezley''': Well, we live in very drugged-off times. I've seen mothers chasing children down the street - who's to say they're not going to inject them with drugs once they catch them?
----
:'''Chris Morris''': If time's a drug, then [[w:Big Ben|Big Ben]] is a huge needle injecting it into the sky!
----
:'''Bernard Manning''': Cake is a made-up drug. It's not made from plants, it's made from chemicals... by... sick bastards.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Luckily, the amount of heroin I use is harmless. I inject about once a month on a purely recreational basis. Fine. But what about other people less stable, less educated, less ''middle-class'' than me? Builders or blacks, for example. If you're one of those, my advice to you is leave well alone. Good luck.

=== ''Science'' ===
:'''Ted Maul''': Loser Street. Look at all the feckless dregs.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': A London alley. A body. Looks dead, but it isn't. It just wishes it was.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': The personal organizer revealed a chain of rich clients for organs and limbs. Donald Trump has received over seven feet of new tongue. Even Saddam Hussein has an access - he's obsessed with having white lady's wrists.
----
:'''Tania Bryer''': Perhaps the most disturbing effect is the disruption of rivers. This is footage of the river Euphrates flowing backwards. It looks like it's flowing forwards, but only because we've reversed the film.

=== ''Sex'' ===

:'''Chris Morris''': ''[having exaggerated sex with a woman]'' If this were really happening, what would you think?
:'''Chris Morris''': ''[in studio]'' Perhaps you wouldn't be that surprised. Increasingly, it seems the bone around our brains is not the skull, but the pelvis.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': We are permissive, yet confused. It is quite acceptable for Peter Sissons to receive oral sex during disaster reports on the ''Nine O'Clock News'', and yet on the Isle of Man nudity is still considered so shocking, it's illegal for babies to be born naked.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Now, our friend here was unlucky enough to catch his virus from a blood transfusion, something he had no control over--
:'''AIDS Guy''': No, no, sorry, I got it from my boyfriend.
:'''Chris Morris''': Your boyfriend?
:'''AIDS Guy''': My partner, yeah.
:'''Chris Morris''': So you got bad AIDS, not good AIDS?
----
:'''Chris Morris''': ''[to the AIDS guy]'' What if a madman broke in here with a machine gun and shot you to pieces? Anyone here yawning would get your blood in their mouth!
----
:'''Sir Hugh Maharggs''': Homosexuals can't swim, they attract enemy radar, they attract sharks, they insist on being placed at &quot;the captain's table&quot;, they get up late, they nudge people whilst they're shooting. They ''muck about''. Imagine... the fear... of knowing you have a gay man on board a boat, when you retire at night you think to yourself &quot;God... will I wake up and find everybody dead?&quot; You can't run a ship like that.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Welcome back. Now, sex and children. &quot;Stop right there,&quot; you might think, but don't say it, because to hear the word &quot;stop&quot; is, for many, the biggest turn-on of all.
----
:'''Audience Member''': My father repeatedly abused me between the ages of four and sixteen.
:'''Chris Morris''': But it hasn't happened a lot recently?
:'''Audience Member''': No.
:'''Chris Morris''': Good.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Now, throughout tonight's program, we've also had a naked asexual man up a stick watching some pornography. Have you reached any conclusions?
:''[The man shakes his head]''
:'''Chris Morris''': Well, I hope that's been of some help.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': We'll just leave you with a couple of items of whore news: a large build-up of whores in a digger on the A47 tonight, and don't forget that in Leicester, Joanna Lumley, Anita Roddick and Helena Bonham Carter are all whoring themselves all night to raise a little money to buy some coloured bricks for some children. Helena's speciality there is a golden shower. And if you're anywhere near Yarmouth, watch out for that giant whore. ''[An overturned car is shown]'' It's still on the loose terrifying everybody, including the police.

=== ''Crime'' ===
:'''Chris Morris''': UK used to mean United Kingdom, but ask anyone today, and they'll tell you it stands for &quot;Unbelievable Krimewave&quot;!
----
:'''Chris Morris''': This month, police pictures showed another estate in Manchester turning itself into a gun.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': From the moon, Cowsick's a little dot. From the ground, it's a huge mess! Like Dante meets Bosch in a crack lounge!
----
:'''Ted Maul''': Cowsick. The stench of poverty hangs in the air like an old man's nappy.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': For the cops, it's a jungle, where dangerous animals speak ''Swear''hili.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': They say a bored mind makes a great office for the Devil. In Kerry Hufford's case, it's fully air-conditioned with free typing.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': Cowsick's people are the smashed toes of a lame duck society - a lame duck that's attacking its own feet with a sledgehammer. Will the nightmare ever end for Cowsick? Perhaps with some help from outside? Oh yeah? In 1993, the council gave them a football. Good, but not enough. In '95, Paul McCartney donated a hundred top hats. Fat use. And last year, the mayor gave them a goldmine. It actually worked for a bit, this, until someone clogged it up with sick!
----
:'''Tommy Vance''': Now while you're inside here, you're going to have to learn a whole new language. It's not French, it's prison slang, and I've got some of it written here, so it might help. ''[reading]'' &quot;Howard's Arse&quot; means prison. &quot;One-nil at half-time&quot; means food. &quot;Woggy coconuts&quot; means air bricks. &quot;Gazza&quot; is a gas-coin used as currency for cigarettes. &quot;Plank sanction&quot;: a one-for-one fag exchange. &quot;Sue my chin&quot;: give us a fag, I'll give you two next week. &quot;Buff my pylon&quot;: give us a fag, you owe me two, so I'm letting you off the other one. &quot;Don't buff my pylon&quot;: switch over the telly. Oh, and very important this one: &quot;Portillo&quot; means look out behind you.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Research shows that football riots can be halted instantly by showing pornography on the video displays.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': In Holland, they've halved the crime rate by legalizing murder with the introduction of slaughter cafes!
----
:'''Chris Morris''': This French system of victim support comes to Britain next year. Last month, that woman woke up to find a young offender defecating on her floor. Under police supervision, she now meets the offender at his house... and is given an hour to formalize a similar return on his floor.

=== ''Decline'' ===

:'''Moss Staples''': The most likely explanation is that people are just seeing some blue light bouncing off a strut. But try telling that to these bog-brained murphies. You'd have more chance of getting a blowjob from the pope. 
----
:'''Christopher Morris''': Your phone calls tonight have been described variously as &quot;rabid&quot;, &quot;pig-ignorant&quot; and &quot;stultifyingly ill-informed&quot;. ''Thanks''... for those.

=== ''Paedogeddon'' ===
:'''Chris Morris''': Even our most drastic measures don't work. Last month, the notorious paedophile Sidney Cooke was blasted into space to spend the rest of his life aboard a one-man prison vessel, posing no further threat to children on Earth. But it was revealed that an eight year old boy was placed on board by mistake, and is now trapped alone in space with the monster. A spokesman said: &quot;This the one thing we didn't want to happen.&quot; 
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Why can we no longer think of the British Isles without the word &quot;Paedoph&quot; in front of them?!
----
:'''Chris Morris''': Security footage of a paedophile disguised as a school. He's been getting away with it in Sheffield for twelve years. Do you know him? Have you seen him? Please call.
:'''Swanchita Haze''': Yes, we must catch that man, he really is a shit.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': But today the number of children having sex with adults is beyond belief. If you define a child as anyone under thirty, the figure is over 86%.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': Yes, and I don't know if you can sense the air of aggression here, but ten minutes ago, we threw this crowd a dummy full of guts. It lasted just eight seconds. This is very much a protest that's swallowed a bomb and given the detonator to a monkey.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': I recently met one of North's victims. She was in fact so upset, she would only talk to us through her sister disguised as a [[w:troll doll|plastic troll]].
:'''&quot;Kelly&quot;'s Sister''': She still can't really speak about it.
:'''Chris Morris''': I asked &quot;Kelly&quot; if she would mind demonstrating North's perversions. Someone who agrees to rub their breasts on television is clearly inexcusably disturbed.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': But even in prison, North's rastopedic impulses found new outlets. He was allowed to write articles for a magazine, edited by a man who at that time had a nine year old nephew with a nice pink arse and no hair on his balls. The orgy of sly-winking usury was only brought to an end by a stairwell nonce bashing, which left North braindead and quadrospazzed on a life glug.
----
:'''Andy McNab (ex SAS)''': Let's just get one thing straight: the British Army has never launched an offensive against a six-year-old child.
----
:'''Dr. Fox''': Genetically, paedophiles have more genes in common with crabs than they do with you and me. Now that is scientific fact: there's no real evidence for it, but it ''is'' scientific fact.
----
:'''Chris Morris''': You are a paedophile, you are a nonce, you're a perv, you're a slot badger, you're a two pin DIN plug, you're a bush dodger, you're a small bean regarder, you're a unabummer, you're a nut administrator, you're a bent ref, you're [[w:The Crazy World of Arthur Brown|The Crazy World of Arthur Brown]], you're a fence vole, you're a free willy, you're a chimney bottler, you're a bunty man, you're a shrub rocketeer...
:'''&quot;Peter&quot;''': Yes, well, those are just some of the names we have to put up with every day, and it's really just another form of racism.
----
:'''Announcer''': ''The Pedo-Files''! Starts next week on 4, straight after ''Paedophile Island'': a hundred kids and an ex-offender, on an island full of cameras! What's going to happen?!
----
:'''Ted Maul''': Yes, a vigilante has just tried to fire himself over the prison walls using a giant catapult. Minutes earlier, a test projectile, believed to be a side of beef, cleared the parapets by a full twenty feet. But when the man himself was fired, his trajectory was all out of goose. He thumped into the wall, you could hear his bones breaking on impact. Medics say he may live, but only with his neck as an internal organ.
----
:'''Ted Maul''': Sheets of flame, dancing to the beat of primitive animal justice! One man kebabbed, hundreds scarred forever by a shared blood ritual! And yes, an astonishing sense of community here now! A positive atmosphere, a sense of a job well done, a shared sigh of relief - very much like the bizarre euphoria at the end of an hour's vomiting!
----
:'''Chris Morris''': A Peter File was attacked in his car this evening, but I have to say, if your surname was File, would you call your son Peter?
:'''Swanchita Haze''': No!
:'''Chris Morris''': ''[chuckles]'' And look, if a child does take your fancy, please remember: leave it a couple of years.
:'''Swanchita Haze''': I did.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Mockumentary TV shows]]
[[Category:UK satirical TV shows]]
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated</title>
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'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated|Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated]]''''' is the 11th [[Scooby-Doo]] television series. Taking place in the small town of Crystal Cove, where the adults (especially Mayor Jones) often try to use the phony spooks as ways of making money, the show follows the kids as the mysteries they solve leads to an even bigger, even more dangerous, even more terrifying mystery. New to this series that separates it from other revivals of Scooby-Doo is the overarching story plot, the focus on the romantic relationships of the gang, and the darker tone of the show.

== Season 1 ==
===Beware the Beast from Below===
:(''First lines'')
:(''The gang cheers'')
:'''Velma''': Another mystery bites the dust.
:'''Fred''': Way to go, gang!
:'''Daphne''': Let's celebrate!
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, celebrate. (''Sheriff Stone closes the cell door'')
:'''Altogether''': Huh?!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Better idea.
:'''Fred''': Aw, come on, Sheriff.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Just cork it. You see this badge? Know why it's here?
:'''Velma''': It came with the shirt?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': It's here because if there's a crime, I solve it. (''goes to the office door'') Oh, and by the way, I've called all your parents, who by now I have on speed dial. (''mocking'') Oh, are you in trouble. Especially you, Fred. Say hi to dad, the Mayor. (''leaves'')
:'''Daphne''': Just once it would be nice if someone thanked us for solving a mystery.
:'''Fred''': Good thing we're not in this to be liked. (''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne look a little annoying to him'') You know, that didn't come out quite right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Welcome to the Crystal Cove haunted tour. I'm your ghoulish guide Velma. The first documented case of the curse of Crystal Cove is from 1630, when a garrison of Spanish conquistadors mysteriously vanished from the harbor.
:'''Female Tourist''': Oh, that is so scary! Where did they go?
:'''Velma''': What part of the word &quot;mystery&quot; didn't you understand? The curse struck again in 1765 when an entire town of missionaries likewise disappeared. Anyway, things were pretty quiet until 100 years later, when Cletus Darrow found gold here and renamed the town Crystal Cove. Most people thought the curse had been lifted, until the entire Darrow family disappeared one Halloween and was never seen again. (''Velma plays a tape of the Darrow family screaming'') Moving on. (''Velma leads the tourists inside to the exhibits'') Since the disappearance of the Darrow family, Crystal Cove has been a hub of paranormal activity. You might recognize some of our more famous visitors. Ghostly deep sea diver Captain Cutler, Miner '49er, Charlie the Haunted Robot, and who could forget the terrifying stylings of Space Kook? Not me.
:'''Male Tourist''': Oh! How frightening!
:'''Female Tourist''': Oh! Absolutely blood-curdling.
:'''Velma''': Not really. They all turned out to be fakes. (''The tourists gasp and talk amongst themselves'') Yep. Captain Cutler, was just some guy who was hijacking boats. Miner '49er's real name was Hank. Charlie belongs to Mr. Jenkins who thought it would be easier to run an amusement park with a crazy robot. And Space Kook? Oh! Don't get me started! (''Angie and Dale cover Velma's mouth'')
:'''Dale''': Thank you, Velma. Well, that concludes the terror-ific tour.
:'''Angie''': Don't forget to stop in at the haunted snack shop for souvenirs and your complimentary undead sipper cup. (''The tourists run off'') What do you think you were doing?
:'''Dale''': Are you trying to destroy our business?
:'''Velma''': Reboot, parentals. I was just being honest.
:'''Dale''': Those were isolated incidents in Crystal Cove's otherwise-unblemished supernatural past of hauntings and paranormal happenings.
:'''Velma''': Your generation's belief, not mine. My generation, we only got one thing on our minds…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': (''tying his ascot'') Solving mysteries and building traps.
:'''Mayor Jones''': That's two things, Fred.
:'''Fred''': You know what I mean, Dad. We just want answers. Is that wrong?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Tickling chin whiskers, Fred. The mayor's son is supposed to set an example.
:'''Fred''': I'm trying, Dad. In fact, just yesterday, I entered one of my traps in the district science fair. It was rejected for not actually having anything to do with science, but…
:'''Mayor Jones''': I just don't want you to make a mistake you'll regret.
:'''Fred''': You mean, like, making a bad trap?
:'''Mayor Jones''': No! Life is not all about traps. It's also about…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Pancakes and bacon.
:'''Shaggy''': And sausages and orange juice.
:'''Paula''': Don't forget to chew.
:'''Colton''': And breathe.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, thanks, Mom and Dad.
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
:'''Colton''': Your mother and I are worried about this mystery phase you're going through. We're not saying find new friends. We're…
:'''Paula''': Yes, we are. Find new friends.
:'''Shaggy''': You guys have got nothing to worry about, man. Me and Scoob always play it safe. If there's danger…
:'''Scooby''': We run fast, really fast.
:'''Shaggy''': And as for our friends, if you guys just gave them a chance, you'd see…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': The gang is misunderstood. We're just solving mysteries. All the kids are doing it.
:'''Barty and Nan''': No, they're not.
:'''Nan''': And what about this &quot;Fred Jones?&quot; Certainly, there must be other boys.
:'''Daphne''': Not like Fred. He's, like, one of those geniuses that no one understands until they're dead. He sees things different, and he wants to catch those different things in his traps.
:'''Barty''': Honey, we just want you to go on to have a rich career, like your sisters.
:'''Daphne''': That's Fred and the gang. Got to go. Don't want to be late for school. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. Bye, Daisy. Bye, Dawn. Bye, Dorothy. Bye, Delilah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Foreman''': Hey, you sure you guys don't want any of this Fruitmeir's smoothie? Oh, it's delic… (''leans to a wall, which breaks'') Ahhh! What the whozit? Which one of you broke that wall?
:'''Worker 1''': We barely touched it.
:'''Worker 2''': Is that another sewer?
:'''Foreman''': Impossible. There's only one sewer and we're in it. Unless…
:'''Worker 1''': We've broken into another dimension.
:'''Foreman''': No, idiot. We've busted through to one of the old Crystal Cove caves.
:'''Worker 1''': (''turns the radioactive drum and knocks on it, seeing there is something inside of it'') Huh? I think there's something in there. What should we do?
:'''Foreman''': Well, it's pretty clear, isn't it? Those are radioactive symbols, meaning what's ever inside is dangerous, meaning we need to open it right away. Don't want what's ever in there to mess up our schedule.
:'''Worker 1''': Hey, I think I see something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': (''after being attacked by the slime monster'') Zoinks! (''laughs nervously'') Like, what was that?
:'''Fred''': (''getting out of the Mystery Machine'') It looks like a mystery to me, and I think that's just a little more important than school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': These are military. From the oxidation, probably 30, 40 years old.
:'''Daphne''': (''finds locket'') Fred, I found something! ''(Opens locket and music plays)''
:'''Fred''': Hmm, could be a clue. Good work, Daphne.
:'''Daphne''': Thanks, Fred. You're so sweet... ''(looks up. Fred has walked away, looking for clues)'' It's okay. We can talk later, um...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': All right, you see what happens when you kids stick your noses where they don't belong? People get cocooned!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, man, we found them like that.
:'''Daphne''': (''trying to show what she means with her hands'') Sheriff, there was a monster…
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Quiet. From this point forward this is a ''crime scene'' and future tourist attraction - stay out of it. (''walks away'')
:'''Velma''': I gotta stay out of it right here. (''holds up fist'')
:'''Fred''': Let me talk to him. (''walks away'')
:'''Daphne''': (''dreamily'') Don't worry. Fred will make him understand.
:'''Fred''': (''runs back carrying body'') Shaggy, start the car!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I thought you were going to talk to him.
:'''Fred''': He wasn't in a listening mood.
:'''Velma''': (''opens back of the van'') So you stole a body? Rockin'. (''Fred throws the body in the trunk'')
:'''Fred''': Don't worry. I know just who can help us. (''school bell rings'')
:'''Professor Emmanuel Raffalo''': All right. Who can tell me what photosynthesis is? (''they all raised their hands up'') And please don't say &quot;plant farts&quot;. (''they all lowered their hands'') (''sighs'') (''door opens and Professor Raffalo sees Fred and Shaggy carrying the body in the classroom'')
:'''Fred''': Professor Raffalo, we need your help. (''classmates scream and run out'')
:'''Emmanuel''': Couldn't you kids have waited for break?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Is he…? (''gulps'')
:'''Emmanuel''': No, he's alive. But he appears to be in some sort of dehydrated stasis. I don't quite know what that means, but I'm guessing it's temporary.
:'''Scooby''': (''sees squirrel food'') Mmm, Scooby snacks. (''Opens the squirrel cage reaching its food, and the squirrel goes rabid and attacks Scooby'')
:'''Daphne''': Do you know what could have done this?
:'''Emmanuel''': The cocoon material looks organic, but I'll need to do further tests. The sheriff okayed this?
:'''Fred''': Uh, of course he did. What, do you think we stole a body? That's rich. (''laughs as he pushes the gang out the school'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Franklin Fruitmeir''': Welcome, everyone to Fruitmeir's. Remember, it's not ice cream, it's not yogurt. (''laughs'') I really don't know what it is. Would anyone like a shrimping boat made out of circus balloons?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angel''': Mm, yeah, Crystal Cove. That was the Rotten Brains with their single, Zombie Housewife Blues. I'm Angel Dynamite. And you're listening to K-Ghoul 101.4 on your AM dial. (''Shaggy knocks the door'') I was wondering when y'all was gonna show up. He's in the back.
:'''Daphne''': (''Angel opens door. Fred is lying down with his head on the record player'') Fred? It's us. We're here for you. (''sits down next to him. Scooby Doo licks his hair'')
:'''Fred''': It's no use, gang. I was the one who stole the body and Professor Raffalo paid the price. I should have listened to my dad and stayed out of any new mysteries.
:'''Velma''': We all helped steal the body, Fred.
:'''Shaggy''': Well, I actually never took... (''Velma elbows him in the ribs'') Ow! Okay, fine. Yes, we all took part, Freddie.
:'''Daphne''': Fred Jones, you've never backed away from a mystery in your life.
:'''Fred''': I've got nothing!
:'''Velma''': Man up, Fred. We still have our first clue, the cocoon. I brought a sample... (''Scooby is eating the slime from the cocoon'') Scooby, what are you doing?
:'''Scooby''': What? It's Ruitmeir's! Yummy! (''Starts eating again'')
:'''Velma''': Eww!
:'''Angel''': Check it out. If that dog mutates, I'm putting it down. Dig?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, hold on, I think I get it. (''walks over and tastes the slime'')
:'''Daphne, Fred, Velma, Angel''': Ew!
:'''Shaggy''': No, you guys, it's Fruitmeir's. The cocoon is made of the same stuff as Fruitmeir's Dessert.
:'''Daphne, Fred, Velma, Angel''': What? (''They all get up and taste it'')
:'''Daphne''': They're right. But if the cocoon is made of Fruitmeir's Dessert...
:'''Shaggy''': That means if we capture the monster, we can have our own shop. And we can have an endless supply of Fruitmeir's Dessert. Oh, boy.
:'''Fred''': No. It means that that Slime Mutant may not be a monster at all. What do we know about Franklin Fruitmeir?
:'''Velma''': Franklin Fruitmeir. Showed up in town out of nowhere two months ago. Before that, nothing. He's hiring right now for female servers.
:'''Fred''': And that's our in.
:'''Shaggy''': If the girls can get jobs at Fruitmeir's, they can snoop around and find out more.
:'''Fred''': Great idea, Shag.
:'''Shaggy''': (''he and Scooby are dressed as girls''). Um, like, uh, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Why are Scooby Doo and I dressed like girls when Velma and Daphne ''are'' girls?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. My skirts too tight.
:'''Daphne''': Because Velma and I refused. (''Shaggy and Scooby glare at them'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': All right, gang. Fan out. See if you can find anything that will tie Franklin Fruitmeir to the Slime Mutant.
:'''Daphne''': Hmm. Must be a key around here somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Are you two insane?
:'''Shaggy''': Mon-mon-monster! Like, right behind us!
:'''Fred''': Monster? There's no monster.
:'''Velma''': Jinkies! Where's Daphne?
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Fred''': Daphne? Daphne? Daphne? Daphne? Daphne?
:'''Daphne''': Here. I'm down here. I'm okay, but you better get down here. I think I found something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': This is gonna be awesome! (''the cage eventually falls on him, Shaggy, Scooby, and Velma. The slime monster laughs and covers them in slime. Daphne gasps, then sees the slime mutant next to her'')
:'''Daphne''': Aaaahhh!!! (''runs'')
:'''Velma''': Daphne, run! (''Daphne runs past and jumps through hole in the ceiling, followed by slime mutant'')
:(''Scooby starts eating slime'')
:'''Fred''': Eat, gang! It's Fruitmeir's!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Fred! You saved me!
:'''Fred''': Not right now, Daphne. I have to figure out why my trap didn't work.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What is going on here?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Why is the town's latest tourist attraction cocooned to the wall?
:'''Fred''': Dad, Sheriff, hold on. You don't understand. That is not a monster.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Oh, hopping steamed clams, Fred. Then who is it?
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne''': Franklin Fruitmeir.
:'''Velma''': He was trying to rob Crystal Cove bank.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Uhh, that's impossible. Franklin Fruitmeir's the one who called us. (''Franklin arrives'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': What?
:'''Franklin''': I was making a clipper ship out of circus balloons when the silent alarm rang at my home. Oh, good gracious! What is that?
:'''Shaggy''': But if the monster isn't Franklin Fruitmeir, then, dude, who is it?
:(''Scooby unmasks The Slime Mutant'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Professor Emmanuel Raffalo?
:'''Emmanuel''': That's right. I was trying to scare people away from the sewers while I dug my way into the bank and got rich.
:'''Daphne''': But you've got a job as a teacher. Why do you need more money?
:(''Emmanuel doesn't answer'')
:'''Daphne''': Yeah, my bad.
:'''Fred''': Oh, yeah, right.
:'''Shaggy''': You're really getting ripped off.
:'''Emmanuel''': I discovered that the Crystal Cove caves were connected to the sewer by accident while collecting mold spores for my class. Once I realized the cave led right under the bank, I put my plan into motion. Fruitmeier's gave me secret access to the sewer, so I decided to frame balloon boy for the crime by using his disgusting dessert. I staged my own disappearance to throw doubt on any hint of my involvement. Oh, it was foolproof, genius. That is, until you... you...
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Meddling.
:'''Emmanuel''': Meddling! Yes, meddling kids and your blasted dog ruined everything.
:'''Daphne''': Wait. (''shows the locket'') What about this locket we found where you were digging? (''Mayor Jones is angrier and shocked when he saw the locket'')
:'''Emmanuel''': Never seen it before.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Alright. Well, guess we owe you kids thanks. You did save the bank. Although you also lost the town a serious revenue stream. Stream of revenue!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': You okay, Daph?
:'''Daphne''': I just don't get it. If this locket didn't belong to Professor Raffalo, then who? (''The telephone rings, Shaggy pressed the button'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, K-Ghoul 101.4, what can we scare up for you, daddy-o?
:'''Mr. E''': You're all doomed.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, uh-uh-- Like, who... who is this?
:'''Mr. E''': You can call me Mr. E. You should never have brought that locket out of the cave. You don't know what you've uncovered.
:'''Daphne''': Uncovered? Uncovered what?
:'''Mr. E''': A truth that should have remained hidden the truth behind the curse of Crystal Cove. The ''real'' mystery has just begun.
:'''Scooby''': Scooby... Dooby... Doo.

===The Creeping Creatures===
:'''Velma''': (''sighs'') I am so bored. We haven't had a good mystery in I don't know when.
:'''Daphne''': Fred, I think I've read every magazine in your house. What's that?
:'''Fred''': No, don't!
:'''Daphne''': ''Traps Illustrated?'' Freddie!
:'''Fred''': I, uh, I read it for the articles. In fact, it's where I got the idea for this little beauty.
:'''Velma''': Who do you expect to trap outside your front door?
:'''Fred''': Let's find out.
:'''Delivery Guy''': I got a package for, uh, Fred Jones.
:'''Fred''': Hey, that's me.
:'''Scooby''': What is it?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, um, I think it's a box.
:(''Fred and Daphne glare at him annoyed'')
:(''Fred opens the box'')
:'''Velma''': (''picks up a card inside'') It's from Mr. E! (''reads'') Saved this for a rainy day. Enjoy.
:'''Daphne''': Mr. E gives me the creeps. (''Fred starts to open the box'') Fred, careful. That could be a bomb! (''Fred pulls out a purse'') Ooh, strike that. Cute purse! (''reaches for it, but Velma takes it'')
:'''Fred''': Check it out! ''100% pure gator. Made in Gatorsburg''!
:'''Scooby''': Gatorsburg?
:'''Daphne''': But that's impossible! Gatorsburg hasn't manufactured Gator products in decades!
:'''Velma''': Not since the gator mines dried up!
:'''Scooby''': Gator mines?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Gang, we have a mystery on our hands!
:'''Velma''': Oh, sweet Christmas, finally!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': (''sniffs'') I didn't touch it.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dude, how about we check out Gator Burger?
:'''Scooby''': Sounds delicious.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Dinkley''': Hello?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Yello.
:'''Mrs. Blake''': Yes?
:'''Velma''': (''into phone'') Hey, Mom. We're stuck in Gatorsburg.
:'''Fred''': (''into phone'') The van broke down.
:'''Daphne''': (''into phone'') Think you could come and get us?
:'''Mrs. Dinkley''': Oh, I wish I could, but tonight's race night! You know me and horses! Venus is in it's third retro grade which means I'm betting on Sick Little Monkey to show.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Malevolent mushroom caps, Fred. I've already got the recliner in the reclined position. There's no going back from that.
:'''Mrs. Blake''': Oh, sweetie, it's dark out. I can't go out in the dark. (''Fred, Daphne, and Velma hang up'')
:'''Shaggy''': (''calls and gets the answering machine'') Oh, wait. Duh. It's still life night.
:'''Velma''': (''slyly'') I guess we're here for the whole night.
:'''Scooby''': And Scooby-Dooby-Doo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Don't suppose you could recommend a hotel?
:'''Grady Gator''': My sister Greta runs the best in town. (''points at the Drowsy Gator hotel'') The Drowsy Gator.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greta Gator''': Gunther! We've got guests!
:'''Gunther Gator''': Well, hello.
:'''Greta Gator''': This is my son, Gunther Gator. I'm Greta Gator.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Greta Gator''': I got a few hotel rules. (''Fred enters the room, but Greta blocks Daphne and Velma'') Rule number 1: Boys and girls in separate rooms. No exceptions!
:'''Velma''': Then I guess I'm with you, Daphne.
:'''Greta''': I said ''no exceptions''!
:'''Velma''': But, I'm a girl.
:'''Greta''': Oh, right. Rule number 2: stay in your rooms, no matter what you hear. That includes screams, moans, wails, pounding, claws scratchin', and anything that sounds like a body being dragged across a hard-wood floor.
:'''Fred''': Okayy...
:'''Greta''': I almost forgot. Rule number III: no pets ''(allowed)'' in the '''''HOTEL!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': (''showing Daphne his trap scrapbook'')....and I left a few pages blank, you know, for future traps.
:'''Daphne''': (''extremely bored'') Good thinking. (''Scooby bursts into the room, terrified and panting'')
:'''Fred''': Scoob! What's the matter?
:'''Daphne''': He's trying to tell us something! (''Scooby tries to show them what he means'')
:'''Fred''': Tater people! Uh, crater sneeple? (''Scooby starts wheezing'') Skater feeple!
:'''Daphne''': (''stands up'') Gator people! (''Scooby sighs in relief'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Wait. That isn't real. It looks like part of a costume.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': They weren't trying to eat us. They just want us out of town.
:'''Daphne''': Why?
:'''Fred''': I don't know. But if we're gonna solve this mystery, we have to go back into Gatorsburg.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Say what?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The police car arrives'')
:'''Fred''': Time to find out who these greedy gators really are. (''unmasks the Creeping Creatures'')
:'''Daphne''': Grady Gator?
:'''Shaggy''': Greta Gator?
:'''Scooby''': Gunther Gator?
:'''Fred''': But why?
:'''Grady''': After we ran out of gators, everybody moved OUT of Gatorsburg. But not us.
:'''Greta''': This here's our home.
:'''Daphne''': So with no alligators left, you decided to make imitation gator products and pass them off as real.
:'''Velma''': But you couldn't have anyone snooping around Gatorsburg. So you created the Creeping Creatures to scare people away.
:'''Fred''': Then you could run your gator ring without anyone knowing who you were or what you were up to.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, that is one ridiculous plan.
:'''Gunther''': And you know what? We would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling juveniles and your unauthorized investigation of our synthetic gator accessories.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': You're telling me this gator stuff is fake? I paid a fortune for this track suit!
:'''Velma''': Sorry, Sheriff.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''sighs'') Man, I gotta get out of this suit. This fake gator doesn't breathe. It's starting to smell a little... ''funky''. Arrest them... ''[pauses]'' [[Air Force One (film)|even though I have absolutely NO JURISDICTION HERE!!]] (''drives away'')
:'''Fred''': Wait, Sheriff. can you give us a ride? The Mystery Machine isn't...
:(''The engine of Mistery Machine is revving'')
:'''Everyone''': (''gasps'')
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! Like, there's no engine in the Mystery Machine. It's haunted.
:(''Fred opens the hood, there's a letter of Mr. E'')
:'''Velma''': It's from Mr. E.
:'''Daphne''': (''opens the letter and reads'') &quot;Hope you had a good time in Gatorsburg. But be warned, there are more mysteries to come. This is only one piece of the puzzle&quot;.
:'''Fred''': Puzzle? What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I've got a bad feeling we're gonna find out. (''The lightning thunderstorms appears loudly in the sky, Shaggy grabs Scooby whimpers'')

===The Secret of the Ghost Rig===
:'''Police Officer''': You realize you were speeding?
:'''Teenage Driver''': Y-yes, I do, Officer.
:'''Police Officer''': Okay, as long as you know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': Ah, Fred my boy! Today is a very exciting day for you, because today you learn the family business: politics!
:'''Fred''': Politics? That's ''adult'' stuff! You know, kids my age are into traps and solving mysteries!
:'''Mayor Jones''': No they're not, son! You're going to learn all the vital things I do for this community, like create pamphlets and strategize about new places to put parking meters.
:'''Velma''': I know a place he can put another parking meter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rung''': Anyway, give me a jingle and we'll plan a magical night on the town. (''glances at his watch'') Oh yeah, the life of the seventh largest regional ladder manufacturer never stops. Sorry, but I gotta ''rung''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Are you trying to set me up with - ''him''? What about Fred?
:'''Mr. Blake''': You're just friends, right?
:'''Daphne''': Well, yeah - but we're really good friends. And I don't know, it feels like cheating. On a friend.
:'''Mrs. Blake''': Darling, think of it like trying a new cut of meat. Why have ''ground beef'', when you can have a nice prime rib?
:'''Daphne''': But I don't even like meat! I like vegetables. Like Fred.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': What's going on here - (''notices George Avocados'') Avocados.
:'''Avocados''': That's A''voc''ados.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': (''flirtatiously'') You know, Shag, I have plenty of food back at my place.
:'''Shaggy''': Um, like, thanks Velma, but Scooby Doo has had his tongue tattooed with a map of every single pizza joint in town. As you can see, we got it covered.
:'''Velma''': Yeah, in drool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': And so you're saying this ghost truck disappeared like a, uh... ghost truck.
:'''Scooby''': Yep, that's pretty much it.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Well, looks like you kids might have stumbled onto a new tourist attraction.
:'''Shaggy''': ''Tourist attraction''? Like, man, it nearly dumped us in the cove!
:'''Velma''': Besides, we're not even sure it was a ghost!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I'm sorry, but didn't you say there was no driver? That's textbook ghost truck, case closed!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': I ''knew'' it! Anyone with hair that perfect has to be guilty of ''something''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''caught in Fred's trap'') Screaming pandas, what is the meaning of this?
:'''Fred''': Dad, we think George Avocados is the ghost trucker, and he's trying to sabotage your reelection!
:'''Mayor Jones''': That's completely absurd. Why would a ghost drive a truck when everyone knows they can fly? Especially an eighteen wheeler, those require a Class ''Six'' license.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Nice going, Raggy. (''laughs'') Good job.
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''arrives'') Pickled porcupines. What's going on here, Fred? I was in my office working late, when suddenly it sounds like some demonic force is tearing apart city hall. Tell me it's true.
:'''Fred''': It's even better, dad. We caught the Ghost Trucker. And he's none other than...
:'''The Ghost Trucker''': Let me out of here! Aaah! (''crawls from out of the Ghost Truck and falls to the ground'') Uhh!
:'''Everyone''': Rung Ladderton?
:'''Rung''': Ooh, ahh, shock. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling... peers.
:'''Daphne''': Of course. It all makes sense. Rung was using the Ghost Truck to smuggle doorknobs out of Crystal Cove, so he could find Theodore Avocados' missing diamond.
:'''Fred''': Avocados disguised the diamond as a doorknob. That's why it was never found.
:'''Rung''': You are correct, my little ascot-wearing friend, but that idiot Avocados didn't say in his journal which crystal knob was really the diamond. So, I had to steal 'em all. And what better way than with a Ghost Truck to smuggle them all out of town?
:'''Velma''': We should have known. The other guy who bought the tires was G. Nurno Treddal, a name far too ridiculous to be real, because it's Rung Ladderton spelled backwards!
:'''Fred''': But Rung, you're rich. You've got everything: ladders, ascots. Why did you need a diamond?
:'''Rung''': I inherited a ladder company. We make the one product in the world that no one ever replaces. Ladders don't wear out like TVs or personal trainers over 40. (''Sheriff Stone handcuffs Rung'') No, no. They're built to last, which means no sales. The company's broke.
:'''Daphne''': I don't think you'll be needing this anymore. (''removes Rung's orange ascot'')
:(''Sheriff Stone takes Rung into custody'')
:'''Fred''': Thanks, Daph.
:'''Daphne''': No worries. I'm always here for you, Fred. (''removes the purple ascot and puts the orange one to Fred'') Seriously, right here.
:'''Mayor Jones''': I gotta hand it to you, Fred. Your traps actually came in handy this time.
:'''Fred''': Gee, dad. Does this mean you finally accept what I want to do with my life?
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''laughs'') Oh Fred. No.

===Revenge of the Man Crab===
:'''Dylan''': Here, I brought some water.
:'''Brenda''': Ew, I don't want any of that fatty fat water! I want Trickells' Trickquid!
:'''Dylan''': Trickell's Trickquid ''is'' water.
:'''Brenda''': Um, ''no'', it's one hundred percent diet moisture.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Ugh, not that place! That guy's a total freak!
:'''Shaggy''': No, he's, like, totally cool! Just ''don't mention his nose''.
:'''Velma''': Hey there, Cappy! What happened to the old sniffer? (''Shaggy groans'')
:'''Skipper Shelton''': What ''happened''? I'll tell it for you! It was a clam that took it, fierce and mighty was he, and reduced me to wearing facial underwear he did! But I'll find him, and I won't stop shucking till I do. Understand?
:'''Velma''': Yes sir, Captain Admiral, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': You know, we're still close to the water. All kinds of fish in there.
:'''Fred''': (''watching the volleyball game'') Yep, they're so beautiful!
:'''Daphne''': The ''girls''?
:'''Fred''': No, the nets!
:'''Daphne''': The nets?
:'''Fred''': I wonder what their tensile strength is? They're nylon, absolutely ''perfect'' for traps!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': We can't let that thing get away!
:'''Shaggy''': Sure we can, Fred! All we have to do is stand right here!
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, stand right here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Wow, who are you trying to impress?
:'''Daphne''': What, this old thing? I've had it forever. I just want to do a good job. Would you rub oil on my back? Fred likes shiny things, and I'm tired of him staring at nets.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': There's a book over here. Daphne read a book once. And that chair, Daphne liked to sit in chairs. And that card catalogue over there -
:'''Velma''': Not helping, Fred.
:'''Fred''': I know. What's wrong with me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Hey, Daphne? Let me ask you something. If you liked a boy -
:'''Daphne''': ''Who'' told you? Was it one of my sisters? [ Daphne mad at Velma] Dawn! Ha! She thinks she's so perfect. Well, what no one knows is, she has a sixth toe on her -
:'''Velma''': Um, what are you talking about?
:'''Daphne''': I - clearly, not what you were talking about...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we've got him!
:'''Velma''': Good going! But how did you find your way out?
:'''Scooby''': (''sniffing'') Clam cones.
:'''Velma''': You were saved by junk food?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what can I say? Junk food and me have a very special relationship.
:'''Velma''': Maybe I should ask it for advice.
:'''Fred''': Speaking of clam cones, I see Skipper Shelton isn't around again. Or are you, Skipper? (''unmasks the Man Crab'')
:'''Skipper''': (''arrives'') Ah, back from the Laundromat, I am. And once more does me nose-hammock smell fresh as the morning tide.
:'''Daphne''': Wait, if you're not the Man Crab, then who...?
:'''Velma''': Everyone, meet Bud Shelton. (''grabs Bud's head out of Man Crab disguise'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy and Daphne''': Who?
:'''Velma''': The Trickell's Triquid mascot.
:'''Bud''': And the inventor, not that dirtball, Trickell.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, how did you know, Velma?
:'''Velma''': I knew it wasn't a real crab because Daphne never got allergic when she was around it. Plus, when I saw the mole pattern on the cheek of man next to Trickell in the newspaper, I remembered the same pattern on the mascot.
:'''Bud''': He took the credit for my creation. It was supposed to be called Bud's Bloosh. I was still working on the name. I spent countless hours making the Man Crab costume and even more time building my system of trap doors and stairs under the beach. And in case anyone came snooping in between kidnappings, I hid my costume in a locker big enough to hold it, putting a label with Skipper's name on it over the real label. So if anyone found it, they'd blame him.
:'''Daphne''': All that work just to get back at Mr. Trickell? Wouldn't it have been easier and-- more legal to sue him?
:'''Bud''': Are you kidding? Lawyers take forever. I would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for you meddling brats probing into my crustacean-themed revenge scheme.
:'''Skipper''': Well, &quot;almost&quot; doesn't shuck the clam, (''to Scooby'') does it, wolfie?
:(''Skipper and Scooby laugh'')
:'''Scooby''': I have no idea what you're talking about.

===The Song of Mystery===
:'''Velma''': Shaggy, you promised me you weren't going to use the word 'like' so much. It makes you sound ignorant.
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, right. Like, um, I forgot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': They can't just leave all the kids!
:'''Sheriff Stone:''' They'll be fine. We'll air drop in some freeze dried camp food. Just because they're 'spookified' doesn't mean they can't reconstitute macaroni!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Here, pick out a new pair of pants.
:'''Shaggy''': What's wrong with my pants?
:'''Velma''': You promised me you were going to start caring more about your appearance.
:'''Shaggy''': But I like those pants.
:'''Velma''': You've worn them since the eight grade.
:'''Shaggy''': They're comfortable pants
:'''Velma''': Fine.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Dinkley''': (''giving tour'') This is the location of the most recent attack by the creature that's been spookifying the children of Crystal Cove. (''notices the gang'') Velma, sweetheart, how are you? (''yelling'') Sheriff, they're back!
:'''Velma''': ''Mom'', please! We just wanted to see what was happening!
:'''Mrs. Dinkley''': There's nothing to see. Not unless you're paying.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Portillo''': The peoples have long told the tale of Qué Horrífico. A normal man by day, but every sundown he changes into Qué Horrífico. He roams through the villages and plays his song of mystery on a pan flute, turning the childrens into... ''Terriblegatos''!
:'''Fred''': In America, we call it 'getting spookified'.
:'''Dr. Portillo''': That is good enough, thank you. Eventually, he takes them to his spooky town, or cave or something. There's a lot of debate on that, who can really know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': Fred Jones, Jr. You were supposed to meet me in the library for your civics tutoring.
:'''Fred''': Mary Anne, I can't. I have something important I need to do.
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': What could possibly be more important than ''civics''?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Portillo''': Oh no! I think - I think [the transformation] is happening! Oh no! It's happening! It's happening! AHHH! Here it comes! Oh, I so scared! I so scared! Here it comes! Oh - No, it's just gas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': This is nice.
:'''Fred''': Watch it, Daphne! Remember, we're married; don't look so happy!
:'''Velma''': It's almost sunset. We'd better get inside.
:'''Fred''': Right. (''loudly'') Come, two young children, it's bedtime! Grandma's gonna tell you a story!
:'''Shaggy''': Oh goodie!
:'''Fred''': Quick, get inside.
:(''Inside, ready for trap'')
:'''Scooby''': Aren't you going to tell us a story?
:'''Velma''': Yes, The End. Now shh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Mayor Jones and Sheriff Stone arrive'')
:'''Mayor Jones''': What in the name of whole wheat toast is going on?
:'''Fred''': We got him, dad.
:(''Scooby unmasks Qué Horrífico'')
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': You mean her.
:'''Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy''': Mary Anne Gleardan.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Your tutor? But why?
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': I was trying to scare all the adults out of Crystal Cove so I could run the city my way. (''hocking'') (''to Fred'') I told you, I have brilliant ideas. (''to everyone'') With all the adults gone, there's be no one to stand in my way. I learned about the legend of Qué Horrífico in Dr. Portillo's honors class. It was the perfect solution. I used the high school's theater department for my costume. I went to every kindergarten and elementary school in the city to convince the children to pretend to be spookified. In return I offered them Utopia! When that didn't work, I offered them candy. Whenever the children heard me playing the pan flute, that was their signal to put on their fake hair and fangs and commence spookification. I almost had the whole town cleared of adults. I would have, too, if it weren't for you (''speaks latin'')
:'''Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby''': Huh?
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': (''sighs'') Loosely translated it means &quot;Meddlesome kids&quot; in latin.
:'''Arthur''': I'm going home. I miss my mom and dad. (''The other kids say goodbyes and walk into their homes'') By the way, this was lame. (''Sheriff Stone handcuffs Mary Anne'')
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': [[Wallace &amp; Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit|Wait, you're taking me to jail?! But I'm just a kid!]]
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Do you know how many boxes we're stuck with of Qué Horrífico t-shirts, Qué Horrífico pamphlets, Qué Horrífico dance CDs, Qué Horrífico--?
:'''Mary Anne Gleardan''': Okay, okay. I see your point.

===The Legend of Alice May===
:'''Daphne''': I'm telling you, she's up to something!
:'''Fred''': C'mon, Daphne. So, Alice was using the shower and hanging out in the school basement late at night. Haven't we all?
:'''Daphne''': What if Alice is the ghost girl the Sheriff mentioned? You could be in danger, Fred.
:'''Fred''': Don't you think I'd know if she were a ghost girl?
:'''Velma''': I'd be willing to bet... no.
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, like, what do we really know about Alice?
:'''Fred''': You mean, besides the fact that she's super nice, and her hair smells like peaches, and sometimes I get lost in her eyes, and -
:'''Daphne''': Fred Jones, do you like this girl?
:'''Fred''': (''points at his &quot;watch&quot;'') Wow, look at the time.
:'''Daphne''': You're not wearing a watch, Freddie.
:'''Fred''': Oh. Well, I'd better go find one, then!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angel''': Looks like your ghost girl's building herself... a ''man posse''.
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! Like, what if Fred's her latest possum?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Delilah''': Hey, baby sis. Something got you down.
:'''Daphne''': Hey, Delilah. It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Delilah''': No, no, I can tell. Same way I can tell when I look in the eyes of the enemy and see their cold, grey heart and know it's either me, or them.
:'''Daphne''': Uh, okay...
:'''Delilah''': Ah, boy trouble. I've been Fear's bunkmate before. Let me tell you a story. There was a beach. Enemy dug in along the shore. They picked us off one by one but I knew I had to get my men through, ''understand''?
:'''Daphne''': No.
:'''Delilah''': All right, here's another story -
:'''Daphne''': Delilah, really, don't worry. I'm gonna figure this out.
:'''Delilah''': I hear you. Call if you need me. ''Whoo-aahh''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, wow! I didn't know this year's prom theme was terror and pandemonium!
:'''Velma''': What's going on?
:'''Ethan''': Somebody's ''mom'' is trying to kill Fred.
:'''Gary''': Yeah, thanks, ''Mystery Geeks'', for wrecking our prom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ghost Girl''': Don't touch me!
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''arrives with Sheriff Stone'') Hazy fantasie, Fred. Didn't you hear me when I said, &quot;if you see a ghost girl, do not go to the prom with her&quot;.?
:'''Fred''': Don't worry, dad. She may look like a ghost girl, but in reality she's... (''unmasks the ghost girl'') Alice May. Or she's also known as...
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Alice Carlswell.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Carlswell? As in Deacon Carlswell? The Creeper?
:'''Alice''': That is right. He was my father. When daddy was in prisoned, I vowed revenge on those who put him there. I used his old costume to construct my own. When I found the legend of the evil ghost girl online, I was ready to spring my trap. I grabbed that fool Randy to throw you all off the track. And I kept him hidden and fed in my father's crypt until I could let him go. After that, it was just a matter of getting rid of your precious leader, and Fred. I'm going to zap your gang the way ''you'' feeded my father. And I would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for you meddling... ''schoolmates''... of mine.

===In Fear of the Phantom===
:'''Fred''': Perfect! Daphne's our phantom bait.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, this is so exciting - wait. ''Bait''?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': All right, now let me get this straight; these T-shirts are fifty dollars each, this is cotton, right? The kind that comes from cows?
:'''Velma''': Sheriff, you need to focus. The phantom has already taken Daphne!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Right. Where's Daphne?
:'''Shaggy, Velma, Scooby, and The Hex Girls''': The phantom took her away!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': All right, now we're getting somewhere! And by the way, what's wrong with the Jones kid? He's acting a little... ''squirrely''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Daphne. ''Now''. I need to talk to her.
:'''Daphne''': (''dressed as crush'') Daphne's gone. Call me Crush.
:'''Fred''': Darn it, lady, I'm serious! Where is she?
:'''Daphne''': Urgh, Fred. It's me, okay?
:'''Fred''': Uh... oh. I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. I'm not a guy anymore.
:'''Daphne''': What?
:'''Fred''': I have feelings! I care!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harry''': If you had a lizard face, I'd still love you, Scooby.
:'''Scooby''': And I'd love you, Harry. More Sandwich?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, okay, you know what? Enough! You can't replace me with a ''dummy''!
:'''Scooby''': Do you hear something, Harry?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, there ''is'' no Harry. Harry is you, and like, dude, I am your best friend!
:'''Harry''': Um, no, I don't think so.
:'''Shaggy''': Why don't you just stay out of it, Harry? And, like, stop watching Vincent van Ghoul movies. That's mine and Scooby Doo's thing!
:'''Harry''': ''Really''? Cause Scooby Doo thought you cared more about girls and going to proms! (''Shaggy begins to wrestle with 'Harry' before realizing that Harry's a puppet'')
:'''Shaggy''': Wait, wha - what am I ''doing''?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''arrives with Sheriff Stone'') Bug-eyed biscuits, Fred. Couldn't you have waited until after the show to catch the phantom?
:'''Fred''': Sorry, dad. Not with Daphne in danger. (''unmasks the phantom'')
:'''Everyone''': Daniel Frizette?
:'''Shaggy''': Or, like, should we call you Fantzee Pantz?
:'''Hex Girls''': Fantzee Pantz?
:'''Gus''': Doth my eye shadow deceive? How did you know?
:'''Fred''': The villain had to be someone close to the Hex Girls to access the stage.
:'''Shaggy''': And the Hex Girls' equipment.
:'''Scooby''': And their bus.
:'''Velma''': Someone with a grudge against the Hex Girls.
:'''Daniel''': The Hex Girls took my career. I tried to get revenge by writing bad songs for them, but they can make anything a hit. So, I became the phantom. And I'd do it again if it weren't for the uncanny boy band knowledge of you meddling brats!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Let's go.

===The Grasp of the Gnome===
:'''Sheriff Stone''': No admittance.  This is a quarantined area.  Besides, the movie's already started.
:'''Scooby''': You're showing ''them'' a movie?
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, aren't they, like, frozen with gnomey magic?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I already saw the movie. Believe me, magically frozen is the perfect viewing state to be in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Now let's see who you really are. (''unmasks the Gnome'')
:'''Daphne, Velma and Scooby''': (''gasp'') The Court Fool? Uh-Oh.
:'''Amanda Littlefoot''': That's my husband, Gill Littlefoot! What did you think you were doing, fool? (''hits Gill with her staff'')
:'''Gill''': What I've wanted to do for years: Frame you for the gnome attacks. And once you were out of the way, take your fortune for my own. (''Amanda hits him again'') Ow! Will you stop that?
:'''Velma''': But you're too tall. How could you ever be the gnome?
:'''Gill''': There's a reason our family name is ''Littlefoot''. (''takes off the gnome disguise to reveal his real size'') (''Everyone gasp'') I planned this over a year. And while I've always hid my tiny legs, this finally provided me a way to make them useful. Since Amanda's dislike of pirates was well known, I planted her earring on a victim, hoping to throw suspicion her way. I used my toxin-coated gloves to paralyze all the pirates, but you would not ''quit''. The beautiful part is that because of my--
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I believe the medical term is ''baby legs''.
:'''Gill''': No one would have ever suspected me. That is, until you, meddling, gnome-hating, pirate-loving--
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Yeah, yeah, Shrimpo, we got the picture.
:'''Amanda Littlefoot''': (''annoyed'') All these years, you've looked down on me. Now it turns out I'm actually taller than you. (''hits Gill again with her staff'')
:'''Gill''': Ow!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Let's go, little footy. (''laughs'')
:'''Mayor Jones''': Boy, I had big plans for him! Thanks for nothing-- again.
:'''Fred''': Anytime, pop.

===Battle of The Humungonauts===
:'''Mayor Jones''': So they didn't show! I don't see why we couldn't just seize the ticket money as evidence. Prancing piccolos, Fred. One of your traps actually worked!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Greetings, big and hairy space travelers. As a representative of planet Earth, I welcome you.
:'''Velma''': I'm afraid these two aren't space travelers, Sheriff. I'd like to introduce (''unmasks the Green Humungonaut'') Max Minner and (''unmasks the Red Humungonaut'') Jax Minner.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': It's the Minner brothers? They've been taking care of all of Crystal Cove's insurance needs for years.
:'''Mayor Jones''': But how did you know they'd both show up here?
:'''Velma''': All I did was double insure the boat repair shop with a policy from both brothers. You see, each brother was only attacking the places the other brother insured.
:'''Mayor Jones''': But why?
:'''Max''': What do you think? Money.
:'''Jax''': And the fact that we can't stand each other.
:'''Max''': Oh, yeah. That, too.
:'''Jax''': This intense dislike started back when we were circus strongmen. We had just come up with a great idea for our act: The Hercules apes...
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Humongonauts is catchier.
:'''Jax''': When this jerk decides to break up our act and join a rival circus.
:'''Max''': Huh! You were just jealous.
:'''Jax''': We became bitter enemies who, as chance would have it, both went into the insurance business here in Crystal Cove.
:'''Max''': After that, we each focused on the same thing: Destroying each other's business.
:'''Jax''': And it would have worked, too, if it weren't for...
:'''Max and Jax''': My meddling brother! (''look each other'') What? ''Why, you...'' (''start fighting'')
:'''Velma''': Mystery solved.

===Howl of The Fright Hound===
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What's going on? I heard what sounded like some sort of hideous, undying machine in here.
:'''Daphne''': We've solved the mystery of the Fright Hound.
:'''Fred''': And your culprit is... (''opens the hood of the mysterious person'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Jason's mom?
:'''Jason's mother''': That's right, it was me all along. I saw how you treated my Jason at school. So naturally I did what any mother would do. I built a demonic robot dog to destroy you! I framed your little doggy friend to break you up, leaving Jason a clear shot at his true love. But when you showed up and blamed him of all things, I decided to GET RID OF YOU ALL! I gave up a career in military robotics to raise my son, not to watch him get triped on!
:'''Jason''': Now Velma will never want to be my girlfriend. And she would have, too, if it weren't for my meddling mom!
:'''Velma''': I'm sorry, Jason. I should have been clearer with you earlier. But you and me, it's just not gonna happen. But we can still be friends.
:'''Jason''': Really?
:'''Velma''': Yeah. You took that very well.
:'''Jason''': And you touched my knuckle again. Ha ha! (''kisses his fingers'')

===The Secret Serum===
:'''Vampire''': Aaahh! Let me go! I'll drain you all!
:'''Daphne''': Mom! Your vampiring is tearing this family apart! I'm sorry, but you've left me no choice. I'm going to have to stake you.
:'''Vampire''': Wait! I'm not a vampire! I'm-- (''unmasks herself'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Sheila Altoonian.
:'''Daphne''': But why?
:'''Sheila''': Isn't it obvious? My looks are starting to fade.
:'''Shaggy''': No. You're gorgeous.
:'''Fred''': No. Your skin is as tight as my ascot.
:'''Sheila''': This is all your mother's fault. We're the same age, but she's so beautiful. She has the skin of a teenager. That's when I realized she must be a vampire. I went to the Dinkley Shop to do a little research and found the recipe for the youth juice. That potion was gonna make me young and beautiful ''forever''. You see, in college I majored in zoology and acrobatics, studying the habits of flying squirrels. I propelled myself into the air with my quad and glute muscles. All this gave me the illusion of a real flying Vampire.
:'''Daphne''': Why didn't you just try maybe wearing a little less makeup? Or a cuter haircut? Or use tape to pull back all your wrinkly sacks of. (''grabs her cheeks with hands'') You know, age gracefully.
:'''Sheila''': Age gracefully? Are you crazy? No, the Vampire serum was my only hope. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling--
:'''Nan Blake''': What's going on here?
:'''Daphne''': Mom!
:'''Sheila''': Even now, she's stealing my moment.
:'''Daphne''': I'm so glad you're not an undead creature of darkness.
:'''Nan Blake''': Thanks, honey.
:'''Daphne''': But what are you doing here? Why have you been sneaking out?
:'''Nan Blake''': I didn't want to say anything, but I've been taking night classes. I'm getting my public notary degree!
:'''Velma''': Oh, how exciting.
:'''Shaggy''': What an opportunity.
:'''Nan Blake''': You know, I may be outrageously gorgeous, but knowledge, knowledge is the key to true beauty. Well, I better get going. I have to figure out what a notary is before tomorrow's final exam. (''laughs'')

===The Shrieking Madness===
:'''Shaggy''': Like, you don't hear many monsters from other dimensions scream for help.
:(''Fred ties the Char Gar Gothakon's mouth with ascot'')
:'''Velma''': This is no monster. (''unmasks Char Gar Gothakon'') It's Howard E. Roberts, Hatecraft's student assistant and biggest fan. Just as I suspected.
:'''Shaggy''': Suspected how?
:'''Velma''': Think about it. We found a book written by Hatecraft, with sentences underlined that smelled like Char Gar Gothakon.
:'''Howard''': Of course it was me. Someone had to defend the Professor against his critics. And what better way than to dress as his greatest creation? Fortunately, I'd taken a class in the military application of sonic shriek technology at the learning annex. Although, in retrospect, it might not have been a good idea to glue real octopus legs to my face.
:'''Everyone''': Ah, so that was the smell!
:'''Velma''': But when Hatecraft admitted he made it up?
:'''Howard''': That's when he had to fall. And he would have, too, if it weren't for the dark elder forces conspiring in the inky black of time most foul! Oh. And you meddling kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The police takes Howard into custody'')
:'''Harlan Ellison''': H.P., are you all right?
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Harlan. Yes. Just an overeager fan who got carried away.
:'''Harlan Ellison''': Fans. Imbeciles fit only to be gnawed by rabid rats.
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Yes. Someone could write a book.
:'''Harlan Ellison''': How about, &quot;A boy and his fans&quot;, by Harlan Ellison and H.P. Hatecraft?
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': I was thinking something more along the lines of, &quot;Shavu-ra hatafar, the fan that had no name&quot;.
:'''Harlan Ellison''': Except, uh, you just named it.
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Don't start with me, Ellison.

===When the Cicada Calls=== Kelsepian: Honey? What's wrong with your voice it's so deep. Wait a minute is this not again?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I don't think it's Dr. Yantz!
:'''Velma''': Really? You think?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Now, get him!
:(''Scooby grabs the Cicada Creature's hat'')
:'''Everyone''': Grandma Moonbeam?
:(''Sheriff Stone, Mayor Jones and the photographer arrive'')
:'''Mayor Jones''': Did we miss it? Where are the bugs?
:'''Fred''': You're the Cicada Creature? But why?
:'''Grandma Moonbeam''': Isn't it obvious? I wanted to shut down Destroido. I found out they added a secret ingredient to make nature slivers more tasty: Landfill waste! I demanded that they return to my original healthy recipe, but they refused, and because they owned it, there was nothing I could DO. I vowed to get even. I saw a Norwegian documentary about a researcher using sound waves to control penguins' movements. I decided to adapt the idea for my revenge. Since I didn't have any penguins, I used cicadas. And I would have succeeded, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling young people.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Well, now, it's the big house for you, grandma. Let's go.
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''sighs'') Why can't anything in this town ever turn out to be real?
:'''Fred''': Glad we could help, dad.
:'''Velma''': Well, another mystery successfully solved.

===Mystery Solvers Club State Finals===
:'''Taffy-Dare''': I was born in 1994 when I was a kid in 1997.
:'''Velma''': Look at that. For the time ever, the sidekicks have solved the mystery.
:'''Scooby''': Now, let's see exactly who Lord Infernicus is. (''unmasks the Lord Infernicus'')
:'''Everyone''': The Funky Phantom?!
:'''Mudsy''': That's me, don't you know.
:'''Scooby''': But why?
:'''Mudsy''': I was sick of being a sidekick. Resentful, even. I'm not a real ghost. I'm Jonathan Wellington Muddlemore, actor, thespian, dramatator. I was behind in my rent at the Y, so a friend told me about this clock I could squat in. When they found me and thought I was a ghost, I figured why not. Ghost gig got me 3 hots and a cot, but I got tired of taking a back seat, don't you know. I wanted to headline. I wanted to be the boss. In charge, even. With my own sidekicks. That's when I stumbled upon the mystery solvers state finals. I had workshopped my Lord Infernicus character at various comedy clubs and state fairs around the country. And it has always been a hit. It was a simple matter to use mirrors and a video projector to make myself appear and fly. A little smoke, fireworks, a skeleton puppet identical to my own bone structure for close-up work, a pre-recorded voice, and the deed was done. I even abducted my own cat Boo. The plan was to ship everyone off to Africa, where there is a desperate need for teenage mystery solvers. I then created the ruse with the Guinea pigs; sewing each of their tiny costumes by hand, using the actual vintage fabrics of their real life counterparts just to throw you off track. It was perfect. Genius, even. Until your ridiculous dog started acting like a HERO instead of a SIDEKICK.
:'''Scooby''': (''annoyed'') Ohhh.
:'''Boo the Cat''': You lied to me. Meow! (''attacks Mudsy'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, Scoob, looks like you and your pals are the heroes of this mystery. Let's hear it for the sidekicks. Hip hip--
:'''Everyone''': Hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

===The Wild Brood===
:'''Biker Dude''': Hey, little muffin, how 'bout you and me go for a moonlight ride?
:'''Girl''': No thanks, I'm allergic to the stink of desperation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Random Spanker Gang Member''': Let's go spank somewhere else!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Oh, Freddie, this is such a romantic setting for our second date.
:'''Fred''': If you say so. All I know is, since my dad owns the place, we get free refills.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Hold it right there, leather-wearing creepy. First section seven forty-one dot B of the Chrystal Cove bylaws; there are no monsters or monster-like creatures allowed in public areas.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Unless tickets are being sold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Wow, that was very... POETICAL.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Member of The Wild Brood''': Velma, do you believe in love at first sight?
:'''Velma''': In your case... no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Did you break into the armory and steal a rocket launcher?
:'''Orc''': No.
:'''Daphne''': (''to Fred'') See, I told you, let's go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orc''': My gratitude is yours, fair Daph.
:'''Fred''': FAIR DAPH?! Listen here, TUSKY, only I get to call her Daph, and I say no fair!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orc''': Crazy driving there, Frederick.
:'''Fred''': Thanks. And it's Fred. Unless we're dating, and then it's Freddie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Okay. Let's see who was trying to give the Wild Brood a bad name.
:(''The Orc unmasks the Impostor Orc'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Another geek?
:'''The Orcs''': Maxwell?
:'''Shaggy''':  Like, who's Maxwell?
:'''Odnarb''': He works in the copy room at our gaming company. Maxwell, why?
:'''Maxwell''': Why? I'll tell you why. You all thought you were so cool. You never let me join in the beta testing of any of your new video games. No, I was just the lowly copy boy. So I sought my revenge. I made a Wild Brood costume of my own. From that point on, all I had to do was steal a rocket launcher, grab someone to hack the computer to divert the train, reroute said train, board the train from a moving motorcycle, defeat the train's security system, blow up the bridge the train was on, which would cause the Swordfish console to be destroyed in a massive train wreck, ruining your careers and hopefully giving rise to my own in the process. Simple!
:'''Shaggy''': Dude. Seriously?
:'''Maxwell''': Overkill, huh? Well, it might have worked, if it wasn't for you meddling kids. Am I right?
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Uh, no.
:'''Velma''': Don't think so.
:'''Shaggy''': Not really.
:(''Maxwell feels sorry'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''puts the Orc mask on Maxwell's face'') And keep that mask on. You geeks freak me out without them. (''drives away with Maxwell arrested'')
:'''Velma''': Don't be so hard on yourself. You tried to do a very brave thing.
:'''Fred''': No, Odnarb was the brave one. He saved us all. Go ahead. Hang with him, Daph.
:'''Odnarb''': We've got to get back to our render farm. But I was thinking... maybe one last ride? I'll let you hold onto my jacket. It's genuine elf thigh.
:'''Daphne''': Oh. No thanks, Od. You're awesome with all your deep thoughts and poetical nobility and stuff. But my heart has always been with Freddie. (''kisses Fred on the cheek'')
:'''Fred''': Yes! In your face, Odnarb, or whoever you are. She digs me. She digs me! SHE DIGS ME!

===Where Aphrodite Walks===
:'''Soccer Player''': Fred missed another match. What he'd get, TRAPPED?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aphrodite''': Run down that mangy mongrel! Run him down with the LOVE! Now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Pericles''': The antidote to stop Aphrodite has several distinct components: Pewter, found in grout used only in stained glass windows of the eighteenth century. Ectoplasm, or as it's more commonly known, ghost mucus. And finally, rose quartz, mined in the caves beneath Crystal Cove.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': Silver plated seesaws, Fred, you're not in the love anymore? Then, I'm going to have to let out an unearthly howl and destroy you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Look, about what happened -
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, uh, about that...
:'''Velma''': We don't have to -
:'''Shaggy''': No, no way.
:'''Velma''': In fact, I'd prefer -
:'''Shaggy''': Absolutely. My thoughts exactly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': We've got a great look for everyone!
:'''Shaggy''': Does mine involve wearing a skirt and lipstick?
:'''Daphne''': No...
:'''Shaggy''': Awesome!
:'''Daphne:''': But Scooby's does!
:'''Scooby:''' It's not fair!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aphrodite''': I am the goddess of love! Bow at the feet of Aphrodite!
:'''Velma''': I think you mean Amanda. (''unmasks Aphrodite'') Amanda Smythe?
:'''Amanda Smythe''': Oh, you think you're so smart. Do you know how it feels to be humiliated? Me, the smartest and most gifted student in the history of Crystal Cove, laughed at by everyone in this school.
:'''Velma''': Well, actually...
:'''Amanda Smythe''': You know nothing! They had promised me I would be prom queen, but instead they pulled a hideous mask over my face: The face of a monster. They ridiculed me. I left Crystal Cove that night, but I promised that someday I would return. I had always been good at chemistry, so when I stumbled on the formula for an artificial pheromone that could make people lose their minds with love, I knew I would have my revenge.
:'''Daphne''': Why? You're pretty now.
:'''Amanda Smythe''': The scars run deep. I would reclaim the crown that was rightly mine, then I would destroy this town the way it destroyed me. My plan was genius! And I would have succeeded, too, if it wasn't for your olfactory-challenged sidekicks. (''The deputies arrest Amanda'')
:'''Pericles''': I am no one's sidekick.
:'''Scooby''': You said it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Well, Scooby Doo, like, you saved the day.
:'''Scooby''': And Pericles, too.
:'''Daphne''': I guess even a diabolical and criminal bird can change his evil in malevolent ways.
:'''Ed''': (''appears'') Highly doubtful.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': (''nervously'') Who--who are you?
:'''Ed''': I am an associate of Mr. E. Pericles left him a message that you should hear. (''plays the recorded tape'')
:'''Pericles''': ''It was I who gave Aphrodite the secret formula. Once that was accomplished, I could go after the real ingredients I needed to find. First, an ancient conquistador's ship manifest. Next, a stone piercing industrial-grade diamond drill bit. And finally, the geological reports from the Darrow Mining Company. Your move, Mr. E.'' (''The tape ends'')
:'''Shaggy''': Okay, can I get a teeny little time-out here? What does any of that stuff have to do with anything?
:'''Ed''': The curse of the haunted treasure, an ancient fortune left behind by the conquistadors that first settled this area. Legend has it that it is buried somewhere deep beneath us, and it now appears that Pericles is on the verge of discovering it. (''Everyone gasp'') And if he does, it could well mean the end of Crystal Cove. (''walks away'')

===Escape from Mystery Manor===
:'''Fred''': Way to go, gang. Who's been served now, huh?
:'''Danny''': I won't deny it, you are a worthy opponent.
:'''Fred''': Gee, thanks. You're not bad yourself.
:'''Danny''': Was that a gage burrow strategy you used back there?
:'''Fred''': You recognized it? You know, I thought at first I'd go with the Orpheus proposition, but I didn't have any milk.
:'''Velma''': (''interrupts Fred'') Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, but what's the big idea trying to kill us? And what's with this thing?
:'''Danny''': My treasure! I thought you had returned to steal it.
:'''Daphne''': Returned? I think you have us confused with the original Mystery Inc.
:'''Danny''': Say, now that you mention it, you don't look anything like I remember you. Especially that parrot over there.
:'''Scooby''': Thank you.
:'''Danny''': I've made a terrible, terrible mistake. What has become of me? I suppose it started that Halloween night. My family came upon a mysterious artifact, a key to finding the great cursed treasure rumored to lie beneath Crystal Cove. It corrupted us with greed. I had just gotten my hands on it when the earth shook and swallowed our entire house. My loved ones grew old and passed all around me, but I hardly even noticed. Then, those meddling kids showed up. They were after my treasure. I knew it! So I spied on them. And I booby-trapped the whole house in ways that would prey upon their weaknesses. Eh, but they left.
:'''Daphne''': So you've been waiting for them to come back all this time?
:'''Danny''': Truth be told, I kind of lost track. Has it really been that long? How do I look? Haven't let myself go, have I?
:'''Fred''': Uh, no.
:'''Scooby''': You look fine.
:'''Daphne''': I love what you've done with your hair.
:'''Danny''': My whole life has been a waste. (''sits in the chair, dodges the booby-trap arrow launched by crossbow and laughs'') That's one of my earlier models.
:(''The Mansion begins rumbling and collapsing'')
:'''Shaggy''': What's going on?
:'''Danny''': All those traps going off must have awaken the area's fault line. (''falls on the floor broken in half'')
:'''Fred''': Quick, grab my hand!
:'''Danny''': Don't worry about me! (''The gang watches the ceiling breaking outside'') Now's your chance for escape.
:'''Velma''': But your treasure?
:'''Danny''': (''last words'') Keep it! And may it bring you more happiness than it ever brought me. (''The ceiling is still breaking, the light shines outside'') Now, through that crevice before it's too late!
:(''The gang escapes the Mansion collapsed leaving Danny Darrow alone'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': After all that, he saved us.
:'''Velma''': Or did we save him?
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah. Like, he did say this wedge was...
:'''Scooby''': Cursed.
:'''Fred''': Whatever it is, it's our responsibility now. The question is, are there other pieces out there? And if there are, who else is looking for them?
:(''Mayor Jones watches the gang from the car window and drives away'')

===The Dragon's Secret===
:'''Fred''': Ta-da! The Brownberger B-41. It's the trapper's trap.
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''arrives'') Spicy giblet ponies, Fred! Why do you have a geisha tied up in here? You know they belong downtown in Crystal Cove's geisha house of terror.
:'''Fred''': He's not a geisha, dad. He's a wizard. Or at least that's who he's pretending to be...
:(''Velma unmasks White Wizard'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Mr. Wang?
:'''Scooby''': Big surprise.
:'''Mayor Jones''': What?! Wang?! Why?!
:'''Mr. Wang''': I've searched for the dragon's heart all my life. I tracked it to your silly little town, and it was almost mine. Mine!
:'''Mai Le''': You won't be needing these anymore. (''takes the 4 rings off of Mr. Wang'')
:'''Daphne''': Now it all makes sense. Mr. Wang used his supposed research trip to Crystal Cove as an excuse to hunt for the dragon's heart. When he saw that Mai Le was wearing the fourth dragon ring, he knew he was close. Mr. Wang posed as the evil White Kung Fu Wizard to steal the fourth dragon ring from Mai Le, but Chen pretended to be a Red Wizard in an effort to stop him.
:'''Velma''': After the wizard battle downtown, Mr. Wang came to my house in one last effort to get the ring.
:'''Shaggy''': But how did he make himself fly?
:'''Chen''': Oh, the same way I did, (''takes the White Wizard costume off of Mr. Wang'') jetpack.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Fred''': Oh! Of course.
:'''Daphne''': And the magic lightning bolts?
:'''Velma''': (''shows Mr. Wang's hand'') Homemade Tesla coils. Genius!
:'''Mr. Wang''': It was the perfect plan. That ruby is priceless. I was going to be rich! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you--
:'''Fred''': (''masks Mr. Wang with the White Wizard's head'') Save it, Wang. We've heard it all before.
:(''Scooby laughs'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Inside the ship, Mai Le keeps the ruby in secret'')
:'''Mai Le''': Finally mine. So long, Mystery Incorporated.
:(''The ship turns hard left, Mai Le accidentally drops the ruby, Shaggy arrives and catches it'')
:'''Shaggy''': Hello, dude. Or should I say... Mai Le? I went to the airport to see you off, but you weren't on the plane. It was always about the ruby, wasn't it? ''You'' just used us to get Wang out of the way so that you could get the other rings.
:'''Mai Le''': That's right. While you and your idiot friends were explaining Wang's plan, I opened the jade dragon and took the ruby. The dragon's heart belongs to me!
:'''Shaggy''': Fine. Come and get it. (''Mai Le destroys table with her strong fist'') Zoinks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mai Le''': (''in a Fred's trap'') Let me down, you idiots!
:'''Scooby''': You okay, Shaggy?
:'''Shaggy''': Was everything about you a lie? Like, even us?
:'''Mai Le''': Sorry, dude.
:'''Velma''': He's too good for you, dog issues or no dog issues.
:'''Mai Le''': I still don't know what that means.

===Nightfright===
:(''Daphne unmasks Nightfright'')
:'''Daphne, Velma and Fred''': The production assistant?
:'''Vincent van Ghoul''': No, it's not. It's Argus Fentonpoof, the writer of &quot;Scream, Scream, Time For You to Die&quot;.
:'''Argus''': I'm both. When you pulled out of the movie, they decided not to make it. I went bankrupt. I had to take a job as a production assistant.
:'''Vincent van Ghoul''': But, why have you done this?
:'''Argus''': Well, by scaring you and everyone watching on TV, I was going to prove that Nightfright deserved his own horror movie. Right before you started filming, I hid my Nightfright costume in a closet. I used the conduit to sneak in and put the costume on. I paid the other actors to pretend to be knocked out when I attacked. Of course, I couldn't let anyone know that I was Nightfright. I had to sneak out every now and then, and get everyone coffee.
:'''Harry''': (''arrives'') Hold it right there. I'm Harry Shneste-Boysen, the executive producer of this show. I've been watching the whole thing from my jacuzzi. I'm blown away. (''to Vincent van Ghoul'') Not only is your reality show going to be a surefire hit, (''to Argus'') (''2 deputies handcuff Argus'') but I found your pathetic tale of lost dreams inspiring. It's gonna make a great movie.
:'''Argus''': A movie, about me? Really? Heh. Gee! Uh, you know, none of this would have happened without you meddling kids. Thanks.
:'''Sheriff''': [[VeggieTales|Alright, let's go.]]
:'''Argus''': Bye, everyone! See you on the big screen in 10 to 20 years.
:'''Vincent van Ghoul''': Well, all's well that ends well.

===The Siren's Song===
:'''Dr. Spike''': I would like to see who's been holding me captive all this time. (''unmasks the one Fish Freak'')
:'''Daphne''': Ernesto?
:'''Ernesto''': Hello, comrade Daphne and her fellow comrade mystery-solving teenagers. (''The other 3 Fish Freaks unmask themselves'')
:'''Daphne''': But aren't you against all this anti-environment stuff?
:'''Ernesto''': Funny you should ask. It all started when we were doing a little research into our old foe Destroido. We were going through their trash when we ran across some very interesting information: Dr. Cavanaugh's report on this giant oil deposit off Dead Man's Point. We came up with a plan to make enough money to fund our various protests. We were gonna drill for the oil ourselves and sell it.
:'''Fred''': You were doing this for cash?
:'''Ernesto''': You have no idea how expensive it is to be a grassroots activist! After we found the location of the oil platform, all we had to do was scare off anyone who started nosing into our business. And we would have, too, if that meddling mermaid had kept her fin to herself and never contacted you.
:'''Velma''': Hold on. Are you telling us that you were going to cause a major environmental disaster in order to get the cash to protest against major environmental disasters?
:'''Ernesto''': Yes! You must be willing to kill the environment to save it.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Uhh... no. I don't think that's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Hey, you're not a mermaid!
:'''Dr. Spike''': Allow me to introduce my lovely wife Amy Cavanaugh, ordinary human and professional Commercial jingle singer.
:'''Fred''': That explains why your eerily beautiful singing voice made me want to put on deodorant! (''Velma is disappointed'')
:'''Amy''': Velma...
:'''Velma''': You lied to me. You acted like you were my friend, and I believed you. 
:'''Amy''': I'm sorry. I came up with the mermaid character out of desperation. I'd gone to the police to report that my husband had been kidnapped by Fish Freaks, but they just laughed at me, then asked for directions to the oil platform so they could add it as a stop to on the Crystal Cove Mystery Tour. I thought that if I could make it sound like one of your mysteries, you'd help me rescue my husband. And you did.
:'''Velma''': How do you even know about us?
:'''Amy''': I read your blog. I'm a fan.
:'''Velma''': Does that mean you're going to stay in touch?
:'''Amy''': If you'd like to me to.
:'''Velma''': Well... whatever. It's your decision. But I wouldn't mind if you did. As far as helping, it's what we do. Our friend Angel also deserves a lot of credit. She knew about Destroido's involvement from some old newspaper articles. That's how we made the connection.
:'''Amy''': Newspaper articles? That's strange. Destroido covered the whole thing up. The papers never even knew about it.
:'''Velma''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In K-Ghoul, Angel Dynamite looks at the LP and Velma appears behind'')
:'''Angel''': Lordy, Velma! Baby, you just about scared me out of my skin-tight leather foxy pants. What's with all the sneaking around?
:'''Velma''': You tell me.
:'''Angel''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Velma''': For the short amount of time that you've been in Crystal Cove, you sure know a lot about this town's mystery history.
:'''Angel''': Well, I'm just curious by nature. Remember the heebedy-jeebedies?
:'''Velma''': Stop. One of my big problems, on a list that's long and distinguished, is that despite my skeptical nature, I trust people. I want to see the best in them. Unfortunately, they usually let me down. Things have been adding up for me, Angel. The help you gave us on this oil platform mystery, the diary you provided for the Mystery Manor case; stuff that you shouldn't know and shouldn't have had, no matter what the heebedy-jeebedy.
:'''Angel''': What are you saying?
:'''Velma''': I'm saying Angel Dynamite isn't your real name. I think your real name is Cassidy Williams, and you're one of the members of the original Mystery Incorporated that vanished in the caves beneath Crystal Cove. Tell me I'm wrong... friend.

===Menace of the Manticore===
:(''Angel Dynamite enters the Mr. E's lair'')
:'''Angel''': The Mystery, Inc. kids have found a piece of the Planispheric Disk.
:'''Mr. E''': So now, we know where 2 of the pieces are. Good work, Angel.
:'''Angel''': Just remember, I'm working with you, not for you, E. I'm worried about those kids.
:'''Mr. E''': Why?
:'''Angel''': Pericles is loose, and that nutso parrot might go after the piece, which puts them in danger, and us, if the former members of our club get wind of it.
:'''Mr. E''': Don't worry, little Angel. The other 2 won't move a muscle as long as Fred Jones is still alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Look at that! Are Manticores double-jointed?
:'''Velma''': This is no Manticore, Daphne. This is... (''unmasks the Manticore'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne and Fred''': Hot Dog Water?
:'''Velma''': Just as I suspected. It totally makes sense when you put the clues together. Someone with computer skills had to make that fake website, and Hot Dog Water has those skills. And remember, just before the Manticore attacked, I smelled something familiar. It was briny, greasy hot dog water. (''to Hot Dog Water'') But what I don't know is why Shaggy and Scooby had such high voices after you attacked them before, or why you'd want this amusement park to close so badly.
:'''Hot Dog Water''': How could you know? Your intellect is so far inferior to mine. (''takes off the Manticore's outfit'') It all started on a boring Friday night when I didn't have a date.
:'''Velma''': Hard to imagine.
:'''Hot Dog Water''': I decided to run some experiments on the steel used to build the park's rides. I found that if you melted the steel down and combined it with chromium, stalagmite, and mercury phosphate, it created a kind of super helium. Shaggy and Scooby must have inhaled some helium gas from the Manticore's posterior relief hole. That's why their voices were so high. I figured if I could get the park to close, I could take all the steel, melt it down, and sell the super helium to the Australian zeppelin fleet. I'd have made a fortune and shown you up in the process, Velma.
:(''Sheriff arrests Hot Dog Water'')
:'''Daphne''': Another mystery solved.
:'''Fred''': It still seems like something's missing.
:(''The Fortune Telling Machine prints the fortune'')
:'''Hot Dog Water''': (''reads'') &quot;Meddling kids and their dog will foil your plan&quot;.
:'''Fred''': Yep. That would be it.
:(''Sheriff drives away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angel''': I know who has the Planispheric Disk piece, but not where.
:'''Mr. E''': Speak.
:'''Angel''': I put a bug on Velma when I saw her earlier. She didn't suspect a thing. Later, I heard Fred tell her that Shaggy and Scooby have the piece. But he didn't say anything more than that.
:'''Mr. E''': He told Velma and us enough. Everything will work out just fine. You see, Scooby is a far more trusting companion than Pericles was to me.

===Attack of the Headless Horror===
:(''Sheriff Stone arrives with Cachinga in the police car'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What in the name of kettle corn is going on? I thought you said he (Cachinga) was the creature.
:'''Daphne''': Sorry we had to trick you, Sheriff, but we needed everyone to believe it was Cachinga (''Fred deactivates the trap'') so we could set a trap for the person who's really behind this.
:(''Fred unmasks the Headless Horror'')
:'''Headless Horror/Marion''': (''gasps'')
:'''Rick Spartan''': Marion!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': But how did you know that she'd attack? I don't get that!
:'''Fred''': We knew that if Dr. Spartan found out that the curse was fake he'd want to go back to living a life of adventure in the jungle.
:'''Velma''': A life she definitely didn't want.
:'''Marion''': (''annoyed'') Fine. I admit it.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Well, you kind of have to. We caught you in the costume. But how--how did you know it was her?
:'''Fred''': We found this ring at the botanical gardens. A woman's ring. (''to Marion'') You went to Oxford, too, didn't you?
:'''Marion''': Yes. (''puts the ring on her finger'')
:'''Rick Spartan''': But, Marion, why did you do it?
:'''Marion''': Because I love you! Because I hate living in the jungle. It's icky. I decided if I couldn't convince you to give up that life, I'd scare you out of it. I came up with the fake legend of Sklar Gringat. I forged an ancient map to the ruins and put it someplace you'd find it. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist the challenge. You would be so consumed with finding your next great treasure, you wouldn't be thinking of me, as usual. I pretended to break my ankle because I knew you'd send Cachinga for help and go up into the ruins by yourself. And when you did, my plan fell into place. It gave me a chance to sneak around the back of the ruins, which were actually an old abandoned movie set. The Headless Horror costume was the final piece of the puzzle. I had it specially designed and took months of pilates to train my abdominal muscles to the point where I could control the mouth with my abs.
:'''Rick Spartan''': But the shrunken head... It talked to me.
:'''Marion''': I got it at a Halloween store. You can record whatever you want it to say. I'm sorry, darling. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted us to live a normal life. Which we could have if it weren't for those meddling sycophants. Can you ever forgive me?
:'''Rick Spartan''': Sure, I do, baby. I know I'm not the easiest guy to live with. You were just trying to get through to me. Don't worry, we'll work it out. (''He and Marion kiss'') Sheriff, I don't want to press any charges.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Yeah, I, uh, figured.
:'''Rick Spartan''': Take me back to my room?
:'''Marion''': Anything.
:'''Rick Spartan''': Cachinga, come.
:'''Cachinga''': (''leaves the police car with the spear'') Thank you. It's been lovely.

===A Haunting in Crystal Cove===
:'''Shadowy Figure''': Oof. Eahhh! Wood gets older than kindle!
:'''Scooby''': Nice to see you again... (''unmasks the Shadowy Figure'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Professor Pericles.
:'''Pericles''': Well, hello, children. How did you know?
:'''Velma''': Simple. There's only one brain large enough, beside my own, that could have pulled this off. We found the trojan horse program you put on Fred's laptop that let you control all of Fred's traps remotely.
:'''Pericles''': Fred really should have come up with a more secure password than &quot;trappin' guy&quot;.
:'''Shaggy''': Once you had control of the traps, it was like totally simple to simulate a haunting and terrify the Mayor.
:'''Velma''': And your avian attributes provided the means to make your spooky shadow creep float like a real ghost.
:'''Daphne''': Too bad for you your avian diet gave you away.
:'''Pericles''': Oh, what can I say? A bird's got to eat.
:'''Fred''': It still doesn't explain where my dad is, and why you were haunting him.
:'''Pericles''': Why do you think? I wanted his piece of the Planispheric Disk, of course. I knew he would have it close. I just didn't know where. So I decided to scare it out of him.
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the mysterious piece'') Planispheric Disk? (''to Pericles'') But how did you know he had it in the first place?
:'''Pericles''': Because, dear friend, he stole it from me a long time ago. (''the gang is confused'') Don't believe me? Ask him yourself. (''takes off the Shadowy Figure costume and pushes the remote control's button that changes the stairs to slide, Fred unhands the piece of the Planispheric Disk and the gang falls down to the basement'') (''takes the piece #1 of the Planispheric Disk'') I am the smartest criminal parrot in the world! You didn't think I have a back-up plan? (''laughs'') Until we meet again. ''Auf wiedersehen'', Mystery Incorporated. (''flies away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Did you know we were standing on a trap?
:'''Fred''': (''grabs Daphne'') Honestly, there's so many in this house, I've kinda lost track.
:(''The gang hears a man trapped in a sheet'')
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! Another ghost!
:'''Fred''': Dad! (''releases Daphne and uncovers the sheet'') You're okay!
:'''Mayor Jones''': Dimpled puppet eggs, Fred! I am clearly not okay. Untie me.
:'''Fred''': (''unties his dad'') Dad, the house wasn't haunted at all. It was Professor Pericles.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Pericles? Are you sure? Did he get the--?
:'''Daphne''': Planispheric Disk? Yeah. He said you stole it from him.
:'''Mayor Jones''': That's... that's absurd! We confiscated it off him years ago, when we locked him up. I've felt it was best to keep it here, safe. That's why I went back in for it.
:'''Velma''': Mayor Jones, why would Professor Pericles want that piece of the Disk so badly?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Oof! Ha! Ha! How should I know? Are you kids trying to imply something? Because if you are--
:'''Fred''': No, no, dad. We're just all really happy you're okay. That's what's important, right, gang? This mystery is over. (''hugs Mayor Jones'')
:'''Daphne''': I'm not sure this mystery is over at all.

===Dead Justice===
:'''Velma''': Time to reveal who Dead Justice really is. (''unmasks Dead Justice'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Deputy Bucky?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What? Bucky, you were like a father to me!
:'''Bucky''': You're 20 years older than me!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': There's no proof of that. Why'd you do it?
:'''Velma''': Sheriff, I think we can explain.
:'''Daphne''': Bucky was tired of being just a deputy. He craved the power and prestige of the Sheriff's office.
:'''Fred''': Bucky failed every one of his promotion exams. But it wasn't just his grades that got me thinking.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, Bucky's a doodler, and his drawings looked an awful lot like Dead Justice's demon bullets.
:'''Velma''': Bucky disguised himself as the Ghost of Dead Justice and chased down the town's most wanted.
:'''Daphne''': He knew nothing would hurt Sheriff Stone more than losing his job to his hero.
:'''Fred''': The only thing I don't understand is how he created those bullets.
:'''Bucky''': CGI. It's all CGI these days. I programmed a laser pointer to simulate the animation.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Much as I hate to admit it, I owe you kids one. (''Fred puts his hand on Sheriff's shoulder but he lets it go'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Jones''': (''gives an award to Sheriff Stone'') People of Crystal Cove, there's a new old new Sheriff in town.
:(''The crowd cheers and applauds'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Thanks, Mayor Jones. And... Thanks for giving me a raise.
:'''Mayor Jones''': Raise? What raise? An hour ago, your job was free. Don't think I won't find another undead lawman if I have to.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''laughs'') You're joking, right?
:'''Fred''': You know, dad, Bucky would have gotten away with it if it hadn't have been for us meddling kids. Maybe a little thank you might be, uh...
:'''Mayor Jones''': Uh, that's great, Fred. Listen, I'm late for a work meeting. (''leaves'')
:'''Fred''': But work's that way. (''Daphne arrives'') Why do I even bother?
:'''Daphne''': (''accompanies Fred'') He cares, Fred, in his own way.

===Pawn of Shadows===
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Now, Regina, time to come clean and reveal that you're-- (''unmasks The Obliteratrix'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Alice May?
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Who's Alice May?
:'''Daphne''': She once pretended to be a Ghost Girl to kidnap Fred for her man posse because she wanted revenge for her father, the Creeper.
:'''Shaggy''': But, like, how did you get out of jail?
:'''Alice May''': I got out with the help of the same person who sent me to destroy you... Mr. E!
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Huh?
:'''Angel Dynamite''': Huh?
:'''Alice May''': E enlisted my services to put you kids in danger in hopes of drawing out his enemy, Professor Pericles. He figured if Pericles thought you were in trouble, he'd come to your rescue. E knew if he could get Pericles to reveal himself, it'd leave his piece of the Planispheric Disk vulnerable. Everything was fake. Special effects.
:'''Shaggy''': But, like, where'd you get all the high-tech stuff? How'd you disappear?
:'''Alice May''': E took care of that. It was all courtesy of one of Destroido's shell corporations: Quest Research Laboratories. They supplied me with everything I needed: Weapons, a high-tech cloaking device, even the effects.
:'''Angel Dynamite''': (''handcuffs Alice'') So this was all staged by Mr. E to use the kids as parrot bait.
:'''Alice May''': That's right. And it would have worked, too, if I hadn't been stopped by you, Miss meddling sassy pants! (''Next scene in the police car with Sheriff Stone and Alice May arrested'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Wait, so are you telling me that you escaped from prison months ago, and I never noticed? (''laughs'') I don't think so. (''drives away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Well, gang, another mystery solved.
:'''Daphne''': I just wish we could have done something about your job, Professor Hatecraft.
:'''Dean''': (''arrives with car'') H.P.? Yoo-hoo! Oh, there you are, you dear man.
:'''Professor Hatecraft''': Don't worry, Dean Fenk. I'm on my way to clean out my office now.
:'''Dean''': Clean out your office? Oh, never. Heh! Haven't you heard the wonderful news? The song &quot;Char Gar Gothakon&quot;, based on your novel, is a huge hit in Japan. And since Darrow College published the book, we're gonna make a fortune! (''Professor Hatecraft is amazingly surprised'') Now, I'm giving you Regina's old office Vampire books are so done and I'm having the dusk mobile repainted. (''she and Professor Hatecraft drive away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Well, Angel, it looks like we owe you one.
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. You saved our tails.
:'''Daphne''': How'd you know where we were?
:'''Velma''': It's time, Angel. I can't keep this secret anymore.
:'''Angel Dynamite''': I wanted to tell you kids earlier, but I was afraid. 
:'''Scooby''': Afraid of what? 
:'''Angel Dynamite''': Of telling you the truth. My real name isn't Angel Dynamite. It's Cassidy Williams. I'm one of the original members of Mystery Incorporated that disappeared.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne and Fred''': What?
:'''Angel Dynamite/Cassidy''': It was all an accident. We should have never been in that condemned church. But Brad said he'd seen someone coming and going at night, and he wanted to investigate. We thought we'd found a treasure map, but it wasn't treasure; it was a threat, to not just our lives but the lives of our families. The thing in those caves forced us to leave Crystal Cove, or those who loved us would pay the price. (''Shaggy and Scooby are terrified'')
:'''Shaggy''': L-l-like, who threatened you?
:'''Angel Dynamite/Cassidy''': He called himself the Freak. The Freak of Crystal Cove. There, now you know the truth. That's what happened to the original Mystery Incorporated, and it will happen to all of you if you don't stop! Forget about the Planispheric Disk. Give Pericles your piece, or Mr. E. I don't care. The mystery is over. Let it end tonight!
:'''Fred''': You lied to us, Angel. You've been lying to us from the beginning. Why should we listen to anything you have to say to us now? This mystery isn't over until we say it's over. Come on, gang.
:'''Angel Dynamite/Cassidy''': No. No, you don't understand. He's still out there. (''The gang drives away'') The Freak is still out there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Freak''': The curse begun, but soon they'll see, the buried truth will end with me. (''laughs'')

===All Fear the Freak===
:'''Ed''': [[w:Terminator 2: Judgment Day|Get in this car if you want to live]].
:'''Shaggy''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': You have no right to bring us here.
:'''Angel Dynamite/Cassidy''': I brought you here to protect you.
:'''Fred''': Yeah, where have I heard that before?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': Hello, Ed Machine.
:'''Ed''': What are you doing here?
:'''Pericles''': I'd like you to deliver a message to Ricky. Or should I call him ''Mr. E''?
:'''Ed''': (''last words'') Say what you want to say Pericles, then get out of my house.
:'''Pericles''': (''chuckles'') Dear Ed, you misunderstand. I don't want to say ''anything''. (''attacks Ed Machine in the dark'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang arrives at an old ruined church'')
:'''Fred''': This is where the mystery started, gang. And tonight, this is where it ends.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Dad, I'm sorry. We just...
:'''Mayor Jones''': Uh, uh, uh. I can't hear you. My ears are too clogged with disappointment. 
:'''Barty''': ''[to Daphne]'' You are forbidden to see the Jones boy ever again.
:'''Daphne''': What?! Mom, dad, you can't do that! Just listen for a second! Fred and I are engaged!
:''[Barty faints in Nan's arms]''
:'''Velma, Shaggy and Scooby''': YOU'RE WHAT?!
:'''Daphne''': Engaged. So you can't split us apart. Right, Fred? Fred?
:'''Fred''': What? Oh, uh... right! I love Daphne. She's the most important thing in my life, besides the gang, mystery-solving, traps, my dad... truthfully, it's a five-way tie.
:'''Daphne''': ''[groans]'' We're getting married as soon as we graduate.
:'''Nan''': ''[gasps and drops Barty and points to Mayor Jones]'' This is your fault, Mystery Incorporated is over!
:''[Nan grabs Daphne's arm and pulls her away]''
:'''Daphne''': Fred!
:'''Fred''': Daphne!
:''[Fred reaches for Daphne, but his father pulls him back]''
:'''Daphne''': Freddy!
:'''Fred''': NO! ''[whispers as Mayor Jones pulls him away]'' Shaggy, Scooby, guard the disk piece in your room. Velma...
:'''Velma''': ''[grabs scroll and hides it behind her back]'' I'm already on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Freeze freako.
:'''Daphne''': Fred, you're alright.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What have you kids done now? First I get a hysterical call from the Rogers saying Scooby and Shaggy jumped out the window during still life night. And then the other parents start phoning, saying that their kids have disappeared. And then Angel calls me all frantic about-- Who is this guy?
:'''Fred''': I'll tell you who he is, Sheriff. The Freak of Crystal Cove... (''unmasks the Freak'') is my father.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne and Velma''': Mayor Jones?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''gasps'') But...?
:'''Mayor Jones''': How did you know?
:'''Fred''': When I found out both pictures of my mother were just cut-outs from a magazine, I checked the dates on the back. It was the same day I was born, or what you said was the same day I was born. Still, I wasn't sure. Not until now. Why?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Why do you think? Because of the curse. For years I'd heard about the curse and the supposed haunted treasure. That was the reason I came to Crystal Cove. I'd been accepted to Darrow University's history department, which gave me access to the town archives. When I found the story about the conquistadors that disappeared, I decided to disguise myself and begin my search for the Planispheric Disk. Sadly, I found nothing. Until Mystery Incorporated walked into the library seeking advice. They had no idea what they'd found. Well, that wasn't true. Actually, their mascot knew. For access to my knowledge, Pericles was willing to betray his friends. We concocted a scheme to blackmail the kids into leaving town by threatening them with fabricated documents implicating their parents in various crimes. They were unaware of my true identity, but I still had one loose end. Pericles had to go. I placed an anonymous call to the police implicating him in the kids' disappearance. By the time, Pericles woke, he was already in custody. He was sentenced to spend the rest of his miserable parrot life where he belonged... in a cage. Becoming mayor allowed me to continue my search for the remaining pieces. And I would have found them, too, if it weren't for you, my meddling-- Fred.
:'''Fred''': That still doesn't explain what happened to my mother.
:'''Mayor Jones''': The truth is, I don't know. I assume she's still with Brad Chiles.
:'''Daphne''': Wait, are you saying that Judy Reeves is Fred's mother? But that would mean...
:'''Mayor Jones''': Brad Chiles is your real father. (''Fred is shocked'') Two years after they left, Brad tried to return to Crystal Cove. By that time, he and Judy had married and she'd given birth to a baby boy. I had to stop Brad. I took you and told him you'd be safe, as long as they never returned again.
:'''Fred''': All this for a treasure no one's even sure exists? Where's the piece?
:'''Mayor Jones''': Fred, you're still my son. I raised you.
:'''Fred''': (''grabs the Mayor Jones'') You used me. Where'd you hide it? In your pocket? (''tries to search the piece in his pocket but it's empty'')
:'''Mayor Jones''':  It's gone? We have to find it. That piece is priceless. Fred! (''Fred puts Mayor Jones down'') Uhh. FRED!? (''Fred runs away and Daphne follows him'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''sobs'') Tell me this isn't true.
:'''Daphne''': Fred, I'm sorry. You'll get through this.
:'''Fred''': My whole life has been a lie, Daphne. I have parents I've never known.
:'''Daphne''': We'll find them. Together.
:'''Fred''': No. I need to do this on my own. I'm sorry, Daphne, the engagement is off. I'm leaving Crystal Cove, and I'm leavin' tonight.
:'''Daphne''': But what about us? Mystery Incorporated?
:'''Fred''': Mystery Incorporated is dead. ''(walks away)''
:'''Daphne''': Shaggy, Scooby, do something.
:'''Shaggy''': Freddie? (''his parents stop him and Scooby'') Oh, mom, dad. Like, what gives?
:'''Paula Rogers''': Norville, your father and I have given this a lot of thought, and we feel it best you go away for a while.
:'''Shaggy''': What? Go away?! Like, where?
:'''Colton Rogers''': Farmsdale Military Academy.
:'''Paula Rogers''': And don't worry about Scooby. We found him a nice farm to live on.
:'''Scooby''': (''shocked'') Farm?!
:'''Shaggy''': Huh?!
:'''Velma''': (''Daphne sobs'') It'll be okay, Daph. Fred will come back.
:'''Daphne''': (''cries'') Didn't you hear him? Mystery Incorporated is dead. If you had just told us about Angel sooner, this never would have happened. (''walks away'')
:(''Velma's parents take her in the car'')
:'''Shaggy''': Well, like, dudes, I can't go to military school. I'm an eater, not a fighter.
:'''Pericles''': What an amusing turn of events.
:'''Scooby''': (''yelps'') Pericles!
:'''Pericles''': Don't be afraid, Scooby. I've no reason to hurt you. (''holds up piece'') I have what I came for. (''chuckles'')
:'''Scooby''': The mayor's piece! ''You'' have it!
:'''Pericles''': Two down, four to go. (''opens car window'') Until we meet again, ''auf wiedersehn'', Scooby-Doo. (''laughs and flies away'')
:'''Scooby''': I'll get the gang back together, Pericles. We'll be coming for you, or my name isn't Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

== Season 2 ==

===The Night the Clown Cried===
:'''Crybaby Clown''': You all know me. You know how I earn a living. I'm a bad clown. Stopping me ain't going to be easy. There's no string and a net to catching me like Mano Tiki Tia or Redbeard's ghost. This Crybaby Clown swallow your town whole. (''chuckles'') You want your tourism back? You're gonna pay me $5 million. For that, you get the pacifier, the rattle, the whole darn clown. So what's it going to be? Me, or Mystery Incorporated?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Well, it sounds like a good deal to me. I'll start passing the hat. So long, mystery goofs.
:'''Scooby''': Hold on, Clown! That is our town.
:'''Shaggy''': (''chuckles nervously'') That's right! And we don't need money to protect it. Although it would be nice-- (''Velma hits him with elbow'') Ow!
:'''Velma''': Freddie, I think it's trapping time.
:'''Fred''': Right, Velma! And I know the perfect g-- the perfect-- ah-- I-- guh!
:'''Mayor Nettles''': What's wrong?
:'''Fred''': I-- my trapping knowledge! It's gone! My mind is-- is empty!
:'''Crybaby Clown''': Wahh wahh. So tragic. Oh, well, I offered. (''The door closes abruptly and the lights are shut off'') Time's up, Crystal Cove.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crybaby Clown''': Aww, this makes me think you don't like me. Wahh wahh! And by the way, building your little donut shop trap next to a fireworks store might not have been the best idea. See ya soon, Mystery Incorporated! (''throws the baby bottle bomb in the fireworks store to explode. Crybaby Clown drives away'')
:'''Velma''': Run!
:'''Fred''': Daphne!
:'''Velma''': Isn't coming!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''':  Well, I think it's safe to say, if the town didn't hate us before. This should certainly do the trick.
:(''Fred feels disappointed'')
:'''Scooby''': Freddie? Are you okay?
:'''Fred''': No, Scoob, I'm not. My trap failed, and for the first time, the bad guy got away. And it's my fault.
:'''Shaggy''': We're all responsible, Fred. We're a team, remember?
:'''Fred''': That's just it, Shaggy. We're not a team. Not without Daphne. And now I know... she's never coming back.

===The House of the Nightmare Witch===
:(''Sheriff Stone handcuffs Baba Yaga'')
:'''Fred''': And now, let's see who Baba Yaga really is. (''unmasks Baba Yaga'')
:'''Everyone''': Curator Vronsky?
:'''Velma''': Exactly. He was using Baba Yaga's house to smuggle stolen Fabergé eggs into the country.
:'''Curator Vronsky''': That's right. I was going to sell them on the black market. Finally, I was to be a rich capitalist with all my loot. I had it planned ''perfectly''. Before becoming a museum curator, I spent many years in Spetsnaz, Soviet Special Forces. This allowed me to make modifications on the house using what I could find on the ship. I even put a remote control in my walking stick to move the house. I needed to get assistant curator Anna Arkadyevna out of the way before she became suspicious of my plan. I tied her up and kept her prisoner in the house while I donned the Baba Yaga costume and used the voice modulator to frighten away the curious. But, when one of the eggs was damaged, I had to alter the plan. But you ''brats'' kept interrupting my repair of the legs. I could not leave any of my precious eggs behind. There were too many. I needed the house to carry them all. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you decadent bourgeoisie teenagers and your slobbering, democracy-loving dog!
:'''Anna''': I had my suspicions of Vronsky all along. That is why I came with him. Thank you for saving the Fabergé eggs, our national treasure.

===The Night the Clown Cried II: Tears of Doom!===
:'''Fred''': And now let's see who Crybaby Clown really is. (''unmasks the Crybaby Clown'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne, Hot Dog Water and Fred''': Baylor Hotner!
:'''Baylor Hotner''': That's right-''ner''. Actor, humanitarian, guy with amazingly super awesome abs. I came here to Crystal Cove to research the part of a crazed clown for my upcoming blockbuster movie, &quot;The Night the Clown Cried&quot;. It was gonna be my ''Oscar''. Using my knowledge of Hollywood makeup and effects and a trick buggy I stole from the back lot, I honed my crazed clown performance to perfection. Then, I built my entourage: a therapist, a hairdresser, a plastic surgeon, and a publicist. Everything I needed to be a great actor. Of course, I put tracking chips in all of them because you have to know where your posse is at all times. I even had an innocent small-town girl that would make me look like the nicest guy. I had it all! And I would have been the world's greatest Hollywood thespian, too, if it hadn't have been for you small-town scene stealers.
:'''Daphne''': (''slaps Baylor'') Small-town that, Baylor Hotner. These are my friends. Take him away, Sheriff.
:(''Sheriff Stone arrests Baylor'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Thanks, guys. You, uh, really saved me.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, you're one of us.
:'''Fred''': Um, you know, Daphne, you could come back to me... to the gang, I mean.
:'''Daphne''': Really? I'd like that. Very much.
:'''Scooby''': (''hugs Daphne'') Hooray! Daphne's back. Group hug. (''Fred, Velma, and Shaggy hug Daphne'') Scooby-Dooby-Doo! And Daphne, too. (''laughs'')

===Web of the Dreamweaver!===
:'''Shaggy''': Hey, gang, look at this. (''shows the newspaper to the gang'') Last night Horbert Feist, prominent banker, drove his car at high speed into the Crystal Cove bank.
:'''Scooby''': Why would he do that?
:'''Daphne''': I don't know and I don't care, but a mystery is just the thing we need now to wipe away our skull-crushing guilt.
:'''Fred''': I'm in. Velma?
:'''Velma''': (''a bit sad'') Sure, I could use a little soul cleansing right about now.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''imprisones Horbert Feist'') Horbert Feist, I must advise you not to say anything until your lawyer arrives. And don't say anything then, either!? (''The gang arrives'')
:'''Fred''': Hi, Sheriff Stone.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What are you kids doing here?
:'''Daphne''': We've come to ask what you know about Mr. Feist.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What? Look, who said I knew him? I've never seen him before in my life. (''The gang is confused'') All I know is he's a thief, and he belongs behind bars.
:'''Shaggy''': A thief? Papers didn't say anything about that. What'd he steal?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Nothing I could find, but you don't need to steal something to be a thief.
:'''Horbert''': Come on, Bronson. You've known me for years! We grew up together. You know I'd never steal anything.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''singing and covering his ears'') La la la, la la la, can't hear you, la la la lah. (''leaves'')
:'''Fred''': Mr. Feist, can you tell us what happened last night?
:'''Horbert''': Everything was normal. I was asleep, and then I had this terrible dream. (''In the dream world, which is a labyrinth based on Escher's House of Stairs, Horbert runs in fear trying to escape from the Dreamweaver until he finds him carrying a glowing purple orb'')
:'''Dreamweaver''': I've come for you, Horbert. (''Horbert runs to the other side but the Dreamweaver appeared on the other side'') Breath of frost. (''uses the purple orb to attack Horbert making him paralyzed'') (''to Horbert's ear'') Level 99.
:'''Horbert''': And the next thing I knew, I was driving my car into the bank.
:'''Shaggy''': That's the weirdest dream I've ever heard, and I've had some pretty weird dreams.
:'''Horbert''': ''[weeps]'' I loved that car...more than my own children! ''[tears]'' And now it's gone. Gone! (''sobs'')
:'''Velma''': Feist's alibi is pretty weak, and that dream... What does level 99 mean?
:'''Shaggy''': How would I know? Oh. (''whimpers; In the dream world, Francilee Jackson runs in fear trying to escape from the Dreamweaver until she finds him'')
:'''Dreamweaver''': No one can escape, Francilee. (''uses the purple orb to shine with lightning and the rope gets out of it'') Ropes of binding!
:'''Francilee''': (''runs to the other side'') No! It can't be! You can't be back! (''The rope catches Francilee'') Please. Please. This can't be happening!
:'''Dreamweaver''': (''to Francilee's ear'') Twenty-sided dice. (''The Dreamweaver laughs maniacally and Francilee screams in horror. In Francilee's tv show &quot;The Francilee Show&quot;, the audience is applauding'')
:'''Francilee''': Now, no meal is complete without cornbread stuffing. And the best cornbread stuffing in the world is Francilee's Cornbread Stuffing! (''the audience applauds again'') Made from my little ol' super secret family recipe handed down through generations. And the super secret about Francilee's Cornbread Stuffing is there ain't even no corn in it! (''The audience gasps'') Oh, my goodness, why did I say that? (''starts sleeping. The screen is shut off by Sheriff Stone, revealing the tv screen in the next scene'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Lyin' about there being corn in your cornbread stuffin'-- that's what we in the sheriffing world call fraud! I think.
:'''Francilee''': (''in the prison cell'') Oh, Bronson, how can you do this to little ol' me? We've known each other since we was chillun!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What?! I've never seen your face before in my life!
:'''Daphne''': But it's on the box in your hand.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': What box? (''hides the box in his back'') What hand? (''The gang tries to look the box in Sheriff Stone's Back'') I--I have to go now to destroy this very tasty evidence.
:'''Scooby''': Uh, we'll help!
:'''Daphne''': Mrs. Jackson, tell us what happened.
:'''Francilee''': [[Monsters, Inc.|It's a mystery. Took me a nap this afternoon, and I had this frightful dream! When I woke up, I was on the TV, and everyone knew my recipe! I loved that secret stuffin' recipe more than my own chillun, and now it's ruined!?]] (''sobs hardly'')
:'''Velma''': Did your dream by any chance involve a labyrinth, spells, a purple orb, and a mysterious inhuman mage?
:'''Francilee''': Yes, exactly!
:'''Fred''': Did the pointy-eared freakwad say anything?
:'''Francilee''': Yes, he said, &quot;twenty-sided dice&quot;.
:(''Shaggy whimpers and Sheriff Stone is a bit shocked'')
:'''Francilee''': First Horbert, now me? I don't know who all's doing this, but I know who all will be next: Melvin Keisterbaum.
:'''Daphne''': Melvin Keisterbaum?
:(''Daphne drives the Mystery Machine'')
:'''Daphne''': Mr. Keisterbaum lives in the big house next-door to my parents. We have to warn him! (''The gang arrives at Melvin's big house'') We're here. (''knocks the door'') Mr. Keisterbaum? Hello? Guess he's not home.
:(''The gang leaves the mansion, in a moment an explosion appears in it, the gang falls down to the ground'')
:'''Fred''': (''lifts Daphne'') Daph? Unh.
:'''Daphne''': Thanks, Fred.
:'''Fred''': No probs, Daph. It's what anyone who's just a friend would do for anyone else who's just a friend.
:(''Daphne smiles and Velma finds a broken light bulb'')
:'''Velma''': Hmm. What's this? A broken light bulb? Never seen one like this before.
:'''Melvin''': (''arrives'') My mansion! My beautiful mansion! I loved that mansion more than my own children... if I had any.
:'''Daphne''': Mr. Keisterbaum, what happened?
:'''Melvin''': Who knows? One moment I'm asleep on the couch, the next I'm standing in the garden with an empty canister of napalm.
:'''Daphne''': Did you have any dreams?
:'''Melvin''': Yes! I was in a labyrinth, and there were spells, a strange glowing orb, and a terrible monster! He was saying one word over and over: &quot;Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver!&quot;
:'''Velma''': Level 99, 20-sided dice, Dreamweaver. What's the connection?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what are you asking me for? Do I look like the kind of nerd that plays Crypts and Creatures?
:'''Fred''': Crypts and Creatures? Isn't that the nerdy fantasy role-playing game that nerdy nerds play?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, it--um--I... OK, fine. Like, yeah. I was a closet CNC player. I used to roll the dice every night.
::(''Flashback starts, in Shaggy's bedroom'')
::'''Shaggy''': (''playing Crypts and Creatures with dice'') Come on, saving throw. Shagdolf needs a new pair of +5 forks of feasting.
::'''Paula Rogers''': (''outside the room door, knocking on it'') Norville? What are you doing in there? Norville?
::'''Shaggy''': Mom! Like, no, mom! No! Don't come in! Please don't come in!
::(''Next, in the school with Emmanuel'')
:'''Shaggy''': (''narrates'') ''Then, one day, I thought my science teacher was a bugbear, and I smote him with a magic missile.''
::'''Shaggy''': I smite thee with magic missile! Magic missile! Magic missile! Magic missile! Magic missile!
::(''Flashback ends'')
:'''Shaggy''': Roll crit. Yes. Double damage! Ha ha ha ha! And that's when I knew I had to quit.
:'''Scooby''': (''laughs'') It's all right to be a nerd, ''Shagdolf''. (''laughs again'')
:(''Sheriff Stone arrives with police car'')
:'''Melvin''': Bronson, he's after us. You're next!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''gasps'') I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know you. Who are you, strange little mustached man?
:'''Melvin''': It's the Dreamweaver!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''starts panicking'') What? No. No, it's not possible. The Dreamweaver? THE DREAMWEAVER? Ohh. (''to the gang'') Kids. Kids, you gotta help me. If the Dreamweaver is back, I can never sleep again!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
::(''In the flashback, the young Sheriff Stone, Francilee Jackson, Melvin Keisterbaum and Horbert Feist were playing Crypts and Creatures'')
::'''Young Bronson Stone''': (''to young Melvin'') OK, you've defeated the goblin warriors and now stand in the lair of the diabolical Dreamweaver. (''whispers'') What do you do?
::'''Young Melvin''': I use night vision to check for traps.
::'''Young Francilee''': I drink a large potion of health.
::'''Young Horbert''': I cast detect magic... on my butt!
::(''Young Melvin and Francilee laugh'')
::'''Young Bronson Stone''': If you guys don't take this seriously, I'm gonna take my soda and my dice and go home!
::'''Young Melvin, Francilee and Horbert''': Sorry, Bronson.
::'''Young Bronson Stone''': (''shows the Dreamweaver drawing'') The Dreamweaver, lord of the sleep realm, with his mystical orb of power, stands before you... ready to cast you ''into the abyss''.
::(''Flashback ends'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': And now the Dreamweaver's come out of the game to finish what he started! AND I'M NEXT. (''sobs'')
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Whoa.
:'''Velma''': But why would he go after you guys?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Aren't you paying attention? It's because we stopped playing CNC. We turned our backs on imagination. Because we grew up!?
:'''Shaggy''': (''whimpers'') Like, let's never grow up, Scoob.
:'''Scooby''': Uh-uh, never.
:'''Velma''': We'll go investigate what this light bulb thing is. Shaggy, Scooby, stay here and make sure the Sheriff doesn't fall asleep.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Got it.
:(''Fred, Daphne and Velma go to the Mystery Machine, Velma's cell phone rings, the call is from Mr. E'')
:'''Velma''': (''answers the phone in secret'') Mr. E.
:'''Ricky''': ''I thought you were the smart one, Velma, but you're making mistakes.''
:'''Velma''': I'm smart enough to trust my friends. Mystery Incorporated is a team. That's why I gave Fred the piece of Planispheric Disk.
:(''Next scene in Destroido'')
:'''Ricky''': A team without Hot Dog Water? That was wrong move number 2. Maybe I misjudged you, Velma.
:(''Next scene on the outskirts of the Norville house'')
:'''Ricky''': ''Maybe you don't want to save your friends.'' (''Velma is annoyed'') ''Maybe you don't want to save Crystal Cove. Maybe you--'' (''Velma hangs up her cell phone'')
:'''Fred''': Who was that?
:'''Velma''': Wrong number. (''enters the Mystery Machine'')
:(''In the dream world, Scooby, Shaggy and Sheriff Stone appeared'')
:'''Scooby''': Where are we?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': The lair of the Dreamweaver. It's exactly the way I designed it.
:'''Shaggy''': Next time, design something less scary.
:'''Scooby''': And put in a snack bar.
:(''Sheriff Stone, Shaggy and Scooby walk'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I remember the layout perfectly.
:(''Shaggy whimpers'')
:(''Sheriff Stone, Shaggy and Scooby start running trying to find the exit'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': There's the exit.
:(''The Dreamweaver arrives in front of Sheriff Stone, Shaggy and Scooby'')
:'''Dreamweaver''': Welcome back, Bronson. Time to cast you into the abyss. (''laughs'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, run!
:(''Sheriff Stone, Shaggy and Scooby run to the other side'')
:'''Dreamweaver''': (''appears on the other side'') Polymorph! (''uses the orb to attack Shaggy and transform into a rabbit'') (''Sheriff Stone, Scooby and rabbit Shaggy run to the other side and the Dreamweaver appears'') Flesh of stone! (''uses the orb to attack Sheriff Stone and transform into a stone'') (''Scooby screams and runs to the other side trying to escape the Dreamweaver'') Crashing tide! (''uses the orb to raise the wave and crush Scooby'')
:'''Scooby''': Uh-oh!
:(''The dream world is interrupted as Sheriff Stone, Shaggy and Scooby woke up wet from bucket of water, thrown by Fred'')
:'''Fred''': Way to go on keeping Sheriff Stone awake, guys.
:'''Shaggy''': We just met the Dreamweaver. He is one scary dude.
:'''Velma''': Sheriff, do you have your Dreamweaver drawing with you?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': It's right here with my character sheets and dice. A CNC player is always ''ready to play''.
:'''Scooby''': Hmm?
:'''Shaggy''': Wait a minute. Hey, Scooby-Doo, which hand did the Dreamweaver juggle his orb with?
:'''Scooby''': Uh, his right. No, l--left.
:'''Shaggy''': Sorry, Sheriff. It seems you're not quite the cryptmaster you thought. The Dreamweaver holds his orb in his off hand, not his main.
:'''Fred''': Uh, in non-nerdspeak?
:'''Daphne''': It means this Dreamweaver is a righty, but ours is a lefty.
:'''Velma''': Sheriff, it's time to face your fears one more time.
::(''In the dream world, Sheriff Stone runs trying to escape from the Dreamweaver'')
::'''Sheriff Stone''': (''panting'') Keep running. Don't look back.
:'''Dreamweaver''': (''laughing'') Rain of fire! (''uses the orb to trap Sheriff Stone with the wall of fire'') I've waited for this for a long, long time. Game over, Bronson.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Time for some magic of my own. (''unmasks himself revealing to be Fred'')
:'''Fred''': Confess, Dreamweaver.
:(''The Dreamweaver starts panicking, Fred unmasks himself revealing to be Shaggy'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, confess.
:'''Dreamweaver''': (''scared'') What?
:(''Shaggy unmasks himself revealing to be Daphne'')
:'''Daphne''': Confess!
:'''Dreamweaver''': Aah!
:(''Daphne walks and unmasks herself revealing to be Velma, Dreamweaver walks backwards scared'')
:'''Velma''': Confess!
:(''Velma unmasks herself revealing to be Scooby'')
:'''Scooby''': Confess!
::(''Dreamweaver falls down scared, throws the purple orb, the orb is broken'')
::(''Dream world ends'')
:'''Horbert''': (''wakes up in the bed'') I confess! I did it! I did it! I'M THE DREAMWEAVER!
:(''The gang with Sheriff Stone, Francilee and Melvin appeared'')
:'''Fred''': (''with the dream machine helmet on his head'') Busted.
:'''Horbert''': How--how did you know?
:'''Velma''': In all the dreams, the Dreamweaver held his orb in his left hand. But when we looked at everybody else, guess what? They're all righties. You're the only lefty in the bunch.
:'''Daphne''': This type of light bulb is used to stimulate them sleep. You used them to create this: a dream machine, which allowed you to project yourself into another person's dreams and manipulate them.
:'''Fred''': It cost you millions of dollars, which you loaned yourself from your own bank. Then you drove your car into your bank, blowing it up to cover your tracks.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, the only thing we don't know is why.
:'''Horbert''': (''to Sheriff Stone, Francilee and Melvin'') It was all your fault!
:'''Sheriff Stone, Francilee and Melvin''': (''annoyed'') Huh?
:(''In the flashback, the young Sheriff Stone, Francilee Jackson, Melvin Keisterbaum and Horbert Feist were playing Crypts and Creatures'')
:'''Young Bronson Stone''': Horbert, the Dreamweaver raises his orb, ready to cast his smiting spell. Make a saving throw.
:(''Young Horbert throws the dice to reach the highest number'')
:'''Young Horbert''': Whoo-hoo!
:(''The dice moved to the lowest number, Young Bronson Stone, Francilee, Melvin and Horbert are surprised'')
:'''Young Bronson Stone''': The Dreamweaver laughs as he casts your broken, lifeless elven body ''into the eternal abyss''.
:'''Young Horbert''': (''shocked'') NOOOOO!
:(''Flashback ends'')
:'''Horbert''': I loved that elf, (''sobs'') I LOVED HIM MORE THAN MY OWN CHILDREN!? (''annoyed'') (''to Sheriff Stone, Francilee and Melvin'') And you took him away from me. You were all part of it! So I vowed to take away the things you all loved. (''to the gang'') And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you--you ROLE-PLAYING NERDS!
:(''Sheriff Stone handcuffs Horbert and takes him into custody'')
:'''Mrs. Feist''': Horbert, what are these people doing in our bedroom?
:'''Horbert''': Go back to sleep, dear.
:(''The gang walks toward the Jones mansion'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, man, I really feel Mr. Feist's pain. Losing your CNC character is... intense.
:'''Scooby''': It's OK, Shagdolf. It's OK.
:(''The gang looks at the open front door'')
:'''Velma''': Fred, you left the door wide open.
:(''The gang arrives at the house, the living room is clean'')
:'''Daphne''': Fred, when did you hire a maid?
:'''Fred''': I-I didn't.
:'''Shaggy''': Then, like, who cleaned?
:'''Brad Chiles and Judy Reeves''': (''appear'') We did.
:'''Daphne''': Fred, is that...
:'''Velma''': Brad Chiles and Judy Reeves?
:'''Fred''': Mom? Dad?
:'''Brad''': That's right, Fred.
:'''Judy''': We're your parents.
:'''Brad''': And we're back.
:(''Fred is a bit shocked'')

===The Hodag of Horror===
:'''Fred''': He was stealing this wheel of old cheese.
:'''Velma''': Now let's see who the Hodag really is.
:(''Shaggy opens the cage and Velma unmasks Hodag'')
:'''Everyone''': Roberto!
:'''Scooby''': Where's my Nova?
:'''Velma''': Hold on. (''unmasks Roberto's face'')
:'''Everyone''': A monkey?
:'''Fussbuster''': (''heard in the balcony holding Nova over the edge'') That's right. My monkey. Nobody moves or the dog gets it.
:'''Scooby''': Nova!
:'''Daphne''': Mr. Fussbuster, please, don't hurt Nova. Why are you doing this?
:'''Fussbuster''': It all started back when I was a sailor working the trade boats in Indonesia. I learned you could train a monkey to steal. So that's just what I did. I trained Roberto using bells and used him to build up my fortune. When I rang a bell, he would start taking valuable objects. But he became bell crazy, started stealing bells, too. It drove me insane, all of those bells! And he not only brought home the bells, but whatever were attached to them. You don't know how many cats and cows and hunchbacks he brought home with him! But it was all worth it, as we were just about to steal the 500-year-old cheese you have in your hand.
:'''Fred''': 500-year-old cheese?
:'''Fussbuster''': Yes. It was made right here in Crystal Cove by a master Spanish cheesemaker. It's priceless. And with its theft, I could have finally retired to the Netherlands, where they really enjoy cheese properly.
:'''Velma''': But why the Hodag?
:'''Fussbuster''': Shepherd's security was unbreakable. I needed the key. Seemed the best way to get it. Now, toss the cheese up here and she won't get hurt. (''Nova is whimpering'')
:'''Scooby''': (''growling, grabs the cheese'') Here, Fussbuster. Fetch!
:(''Scooby throws the cheese to Fussbuster, Fussbuster tried to steal it but falls down to grass, and Scooby saves Nova'')
:(''Next scene in the police car with Fussbuster and Roberto ringing the bell'')
:'''Fussbuster''': (''groaning'') And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those bells. The bells! The bells! (''crying'')

===Art of Darkness!===
:'''Velma''': Let's see who's really behind all this junk. (''grabs the TV head of Junk'')
:'''Randy Warsaw''': I don't get it.
:'''Daphne''': Wait for it. We discovered the strange paralysis of Eeko, Clio, and worker number one had been caused by a rare strand of brewers yeast. Used only in Bavaria. That allowed us to reverse the effect.
:'''Velma''': These guys have been frozen to recreate a picture by the famous Bavarian artist Albrecht von Cartofokauf. So we knew we were looking for someone German.
:'''Randy Warsaw''': I... I still don't get it.
:'''Daphne''': Here's why Randy Warsaw. The real culprit is (''grabs the head out of Junk'') Butch Furbanks.
:'''Butch''': Fine, you got me. But don't expect my introspective personality to register guilt.
:'''Daphne''': His real name is Hans van Shanengruber.
:'''Velma''': Before Butch joined &quot;Sunday Around Noonish&quot; he released an album of classical accordion music. It reached number one in the Bravarian hit parade. But soon fizzled.
:'''Fred''': Using powerful electro magnets, and his expert knowledge of musical instruments, Butch was able to control your junk sculpture and make it attack you.
:'''Shaggy''': Like the only thing we don't know is why?
:'''Butch''': Alright, look I did it for art.
:'''Randy Warsaw''': That can't be right, can it?
:'''Butch''': Okay, that's a lie. The truth is I hated what you made me in to. All I ever wanted to do was play polkas in a Bravarian Oompa band. A beautiful dream that I lived until I came to work for you, Randy Warsaw. You changed me. You transformed me. Molded me in to a dark band leader, playing and singing horrible intellectual music. You took everything from me. And I wanted to make you pay. Pay! And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling polka haters. (''Sheriff takes Butch into custody'') (''to Scooby'') Oh and your singing stinks, nobody understands a word you're saying.
:'''Scooby''': That's outrageous!
:'''Randy Warsaw''': Well, thank you, Mystery Incorporated. You've saved modern art from the clutches of the boudoir. There's only one this left to say: I find you all horribly, horribly boring. So, get out of here. Shoo, shoo. Go away. (''leaves'')
:'''Scooby''': Uh, Mr. Warsaw, can I keep the wig?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': It's okay, gang. Sometimes people just don't appreciate it when you save the day. That's just the price of our... art.
:'''Cassidy''': (''on the Mystery Machine radio'') ''Listen up, boppers. Because I've got a brand new radio show coming at you right now. Across the airwaves.'' (''Next scene in K-Ghoul'') It's all about the truth. Evil resides in Crystal Cove. (''Next scene in Jones mansion, Brad and Judy hear her'') ''So stay tuned and maybe, just maybe...'' (''Next scene in Mystery Machine, the gang hears her'') ''We'll all get through this thing alive.''

===The Gathering Gloom===
:'''Fred''': Velma! Scooby! We heard explosions. Are you okay?
:'''Moder''': Oh! What have you done to our cemetery?
:'''Velma''': What we've done is capture the Graveyard Ghoul. And now, let's see who he really is. (''unmasks the Graveyard Ghoul'') Evallo.
:'''Shaggy''': Well, what do you know? It really was the most obvious suspect. (''chuckles'') Who would have guessed?
:'''Velma''': Evallo was stealing natural gas from the Crystal Cove gas company.
:'''Evallo''': Yes, that is right. I did it. I, count Evallo von Meanskrieg, developed a perfectly evil plan und used my position as gravedigger to cover my activities. But the crowd from the Mayor's movie night meant someone might notice what I was up to. I had to scare them off! Thus, my genius evil plan of the Graveyard Ghoul was born. Unfortunately, the flame-broiling grill was incredibly dangerous so close to my gas lines. I had to stop it. Which led to my capture. Sadly, I, the evil count Evallo von Meanskrieg, would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for this Sheriff and his American-style barbecue.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''closes the police car door'') You all saw that, right? I caught the right guy, and on purpose! (''drives away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ricky''': (''prepares grape juice'') I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure you would.
:'''Pericles''': Of course, Ricky. I'm happy you invited me.
:'''Ricky''': To a future of unimaginable wealth.
:'''Pericles''': To the treasure. For with it, we shall rule the world.
:'''Ricky''': A meeting of this momentous importance deserves some mood music. (''turns on the radio'')
:'''Cassidy''': ''Remember, all you listeners out there, something bad is going down at Crystal Cove. And by down, I mean underneath. Watch out for any foul play, especially of the feathered kind.
:'''Pericles''': (''shuts down the radio'') Ahh, Cassidy. If we are to continue, she will need to be silenced ''forever''.
:'''Ricky''': Agreed. Forever.
:(''Pericles and Ricky clink glasses'')

===Night on Haunted Mountain===
:'''Daphne''': How in the world did a ship get all the way up here?
:'''Velma''': Maybe this can tell us. It's the ship's manifest. The writing's in Español, but I aced honor's Spanish. I can translate. &quot;I fear I may have doomed us all. After months of filling our hold... &quot;
:(''In the flashback with narrating conquistador'')
:'''Conquistador''': ...with treasure, we were about to set sail when word was delivered of an even greater prize: a sarcophagus of the purest crystal, filled to the brim with black pearls of immense value. A king's ransom! The men and I were overtaken with a desire to find this great treasure. And after several months of searching, find it we did. What we didn't realize was that the Entity that dwelled inside that crystal sarcophagus had been searching for us as well. In our thirst for power and wealth, we had discovered a terrible evil. It preyed upon our fears, driving us to commit Horrible acts. Finally, in an act of desperation to stop what we had become, I set the ship ashore on the mission coast, in a cove we named after what we would soon bring there: '''Crystal Cove'''.
:(''Flashback interrupted'')
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! Ha ha! Like, that means...
:'''Fred''': These are the conquistadors that founded our town!
:'''Daphne''': The ones that disappeared!
:(''Flashback continues'')
:'''Conquistador''': I used the arcanical ''Disco Planisférico'', to map our location, and we buried the evil treasure deep, deep underground. Then, we broke the disk into 6 pieces and went our separate ways. I concealed my piece aboard the ship and artfully protected it by a large number of lethal mechanical devices. I brought the ship here, to the top of this mountain, to stay hidden forever.
:(''Flashback ends'')
:'''Velma''': It's signed Fernando El Aguirre, captain of the &quot;Santa Lucia&quot; of Spain.
:'''Daphne''': Jeepers! You know what this means? The fifth piece of the Planispheric Disk is right here on this ship!
:'''Shaggy''': Then let's find it and get out of here before that crazy chick shows up again! Hoo-hoo!
:'''Scooby''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': (''sniffs'') There's that smell again. Of course. (''sees the broken disguise in the right leg'') HOT DOG WATER. (''The Dark Lilith runs away with the piece #5 of the Planispheric Disk'') Marcie, wait!
:'''Dark Lilith/Marcie''': (''unmasks herself'') Hello, Velma.
:'''Velma''': Why would you--wait. Of course. Mr. E. You're still working for him. But you couldn't outwit the captain's traps without Fred.
:'''Marcie''': That's right. So humiliating to have to rely on a guy. I repurposed my old Manticore outfit and super helium technology to create the Dark Lilith disguise. Then, I lured Gary and Ethan here by falsely telling them professional soccer players worked their calf muscles on Mount Diabla. I knew Fred would talk you guys into investigating what happened to them. Then, Fred could spring the traps, and I could get the piece. (''sighs'') But you're a hard girl to fool, V. I'm glad you recognized me.
:'''Velma''': Me too. So, how's this gonna end?
:'''Marcie''': (''sadly gives the piece to Velma'') Here. Friendship should always come first, and-- well, you're the only friend I've ever had.
:'''Velma''': What about Mr. E? He'll hunt you down and destroy you.
:'''Marcie''': He'll have to catch me first. See you around, Velma Dinkley. (''walks away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Way to go, Velma! I thought Dark Lilith was going to end up with the fifth piece for sure.
:'''Scooby''': Where'd the evil lady go?
:'''Velma''': No idea. Flew away, I guess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Well, gang, with the 3 pieces we have, the two pieces Pericles stole, that means there's--
:'''Scooby''': Just one more piece to go.
:'''Daphne''': Yeah, and why do I get the feeling that even if we don't find number 6? It'll end up finding us.
:(''The gang drives away'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ghost of a Conquistador''': Nibiru. (''laughs and slowly fades'')

===Grim Judgement===
:'''Daphne''': Looks like Hebediah Grim won't be judging anybody, now that we know he's really...
:(''Scooby and Daphne unmasks the 2 Hebediah Grims'')
:'''Scooby''': Gary and Ethan.
:'''Ethan''': Ugh! How did you know?
:'''Gary''': Yeah! We were, like, totally sneaky!
:'''Velma''': Not so totally, I'm afraid. The odd indentations in Hebediah Grim's footprints turned out to be soccer cleat marks. Gary's chat video was pre-recorded. I hacked your laptop and found the original recordings.
:'''Fred''': Two missing costumes meant there could be two Hebediah Grims.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, worst of all, you guys tried to frame Doogle McGuiness by putting a yearbook on his porch: Ethan's yearbook!
:'''Velma''': So judge that, you losers. (''throws the yearbook hardly'') Boo-yah! Who wants to judge me now? Huh? Who? You want to judge me? You? In your face! YEAH!
:'''Scooby''': Velma, you're scaring me.
:'''Fred''': The real question is, why? Why did you guys do it?
:'''Gary and Ethan''': Girls.
:'''Gary''': Duh. We wanted to terrify girls and then rescue them so they'd fall for us, just like the knights did in the old west before the dragons went away.
:'''Ethan''': Yeah. Knights terrorize and save damsels to score dates with them all the time.
:'''Fred''': Huh. I never thought about it that way.
:'''Daphne''': But why did you both dress up?
:'''Ethan''': We don't trust each other. Tag-teaming was the only option.
:'''Gary''': And we would have gotten away with it if any of you mystery, stink losers had lives.

===Night Terrors===
:'''Velma''': Now, let's see who's really behind all this Terrorwood smoke. (''unmasks the Fiend'')
:'''Everyone''': Dan Fluunk?
:'''Daphne''': That doesn't make any sense.
:'''Shaggy''': You seemed like the nicest guy.
:'''Scooby''': Why, Dan? Why?
:'''Dan''': It's this place. I can't take it! I've been here since I was born. My family's been caretakers of the Burlington Mansion, and then, the Burlington Library, for generations. I was born here, been here every day of my life, all alone up here on this mountain, tending this darn library! Where it always seemed to be snowing and I could never get warm. Never! I hate the cold. I hate the snow! But the library could never be closed. I never got a vacation, not one. I found out about the Terrorwood when I accidentally burned some. So I decided to use it to scare away anyone and everyone that came here. So eventually, no one would come anymore, and I could close the place forever and go someplace warm. And I would have done it, too, been somewhere warm by now, if it wasn't for you meddling snow-bound brats. (''Next scene, outside of Burlington Library, Dan Fluunk is taken into custody by two deputies'') I don't mind going to prison. Not one bit! At least I'll finally be someplace warm! (''laughs hysterically'')

===The Midnight Zone===
:(''In K-Ghoul, Cassidy is speaking through microphone'')
:'''Cassidy''': That's why I'm here to tell you the truth. There aren't any real ghosts in Crystal Cove. It's like the open-all-hours gym, it just isn't open all hours. And that's just the tip of the false-berg. Give me time, and I will tell you everything I know about Crystal Cove enough to blow your mind. Aah! (''the wall is exploded interrupting her, a big robot soldier arrives'') You just made a big mistake. Hyah! (''attacks robot throwing discs, it tries punching her, she dodges it'') (''attacks robot with metal stick, it throws lounge chair to her, she dodges it again'') Hyah! (''decapitates robot head with a kick'') Don't think you can come in my house and make a mess.
:'''Robot soldier''': (''speaks in German meaning self-destruction and counts'')
:'''Cassidy''': Oh, great.
:(''Cassidy runs away from K-Ghoul and survives from the explosion by self-destrucing robot soldier'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang arrives with Mystery Machine'')
:'''Daphne''': Cassidy! We heard about the explosion! Are you hurt?
:'''Fred''': We brought ointment.
:(''Cassidy shows her big shotgun'')
:'''Scooby''': (''gasps'')
:'''Shaggy''': She hates ointment!
:'''Cassidy''': Hit the dirt!
:(''The gang gets down behind a big robot soldier, Cassidy shoots it'')
:'''Daphne''': Cassidy, what's going on?
:'''Velma''': Start with why there's a World War II-era robot on the ground.
:'''Cassidy''': We can't talk here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dude, why were you attacked by a robot?
:'''Cassidy''': Actually, I've been attacked by 6 robots. It started last week, and it's getting worse. I would have told you sooner, but you all don't trust me.
:'''Velma''': With good reason. You lied to us.
:'''Cassidy''': I hear you. But I've changed. Ask me anything, and I will tell you the truth.
:'''Daphne''': OK. What's the story with you and Mr. E? Why did you help him?
:'''Cassidy''': It's, um, complicated.
:'''Daphne''': (''sighs'') Wrong answer.
:(''Another robot rises in the ocean'')
:'''Velma''': Hold on, gang. Check this out. (''picks up a small sea thing inside robot arm'') Interesting. This is a Lassiter Gringol mollusk.
:'''Scooby''': Looks like a snail. Yecch!
:'''Velma''': It is a snail, Scooby, a rare sea snail, (''a robot soldier sees the gang, preparing to attack'') whose picky mollusk diet restricts it to a deep Costa marine trench, located right off Crystal Cove. These robots must have an underwater origin in that trench. (''robot soldier arrives in front of the gang'') Aaah!
:'''Robot soldier''': (''speaks in German, tries to attack the gang but it's hit by an arrow and hits the wall'')
:'''Skipper''': Go back to the deep where you came from, you scurvy tin fish! You rusty scalawags are worse than sea rats! (''to the gang'') Sorry about that, kids. Free brine and cuttlefish on the house.
:'''Fred''': Gang, we need to get to that trench.
:'''Daphne''': And I know someone who can get us there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': There she is.
:'''Cassidy''': It's over, Miss October Pest. Call off the bots. (''turns the chair and sees the corpse'') Ugh!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, that is worse than robots.
:'''Frau's corpse''': ''Nibiru.''
:'''Scooby''': Did that thing... just ''whisper?''
:'''Fred''': I heard it, too. It sounded like...
:'''Velma''': Nibiru.
:'''Daphne''': You think that was her name?
:'''Velma''': No. Her name was Frau Abigail Glück. She was part of the Benevolent Lodge of Mystery, the mystery-solving gang formed by Burlington in the 1880s. And when I got back from the Burlington Library, someone had pinned a picture of another mystery-solving group on my wall: The Darrow Family.
:'''Daphne''': Including us and the original Mystery Incorporated? That makes 4 groups.
:'''Velma''': My guess-- there's more. Almost as if ''this'' has all happened before.
:(''Pericles and the Kriegstaffebots appear'')
:'''Pericles''': Exactly right. Mystery Incorporated.
:'''Everyone''': Professor Pericles?
:'''Pericles''': Ah! Lovely. I see you have met what's left of Frau Glück. I met Frau Glück in Bavaria in the 1930s. She discovered the missionaries possessed the fifth and the sixth pieces of the Planispheric Disk. She built this lab and a host of robots to aid her search for the pieces. I finally found this lab and continued the Frau's work, building a legion of her Kriegstaffebots to retrieve the pieces for me. My holographic masquerade as Frau Glück bought my bots all the time they needed. And I would have gotten away with eliminating Cassidy if it weren't for you meddling kids. Now that I have everything I need, I can dispose of this place and all of you at the same time. (''takes the piece of the Planispheric Disk'') Farewell, darling kinder. Farewell. (''escapes the underwater lab in an escape capsule'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': We're leaving now!
:'''Tub''': I wish! Moby's stuck!
:'''Tom''': The only way we can leave is if someone stays behind and keeps the doors open with this manual override lever!
:'''Cassidy''': I'll do it.
:'''Daphne''': No!
:'''Cassidy''': I'll be right behind you. Trust me, I'm a fast swimmer. (''The gang feels a bit shocked'') Go! I'll be fine. Go.
:(''The gang, Tom and Tub enter the submarine, Daphne stays to talk'')
:'''Daphne''': What we were talking about before, about regret-- you weren't talking about me and Fred. You were talking about you and Mr. E. You loved him once, didn't you?
:'''Cassidy''': (''last words'') What E and I had, we lost a long time ago. Don't make the same mistake I did. Now, go!
:(''Cassidy keeps the switch that opened the door and the submarine escapes the laboratory destroyed'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Do you see her?
:'''Tom''': Don't worry. She's here somewhere.
:(''The seal Scooby appears in the water, calling the gang'')
:'''Daphne''': Look, gang. He's holding something.
:(''The seal Scooby shows the broken helmet'')
:'''Daphne''': Ah! (''The gang is sad'') Oh no! No, Fred. (''cries'')
:'''Fred''': Easy, Daphne. I'm sure she got out. Right, guys?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, yeah. Definitely.
:'''Scooby''': She saved us.
:'''Velma''': I guess maybe... we were wrong about Cassidy.

===Scarebear===
:'''Daphne''': Where are we?
:'''Fred''': It looks like an avocado orchard.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Ooh. Guacamole.
:'''Velma''': Lithium. Toxic. See what it's doing to the Avocados?
:'''Fred''': Look, tracks!
:'''Scooby''': Huh?
:(''The gang looks at the tracks and think they see the Scarebear in the dark, George Avocados arrives'')
:'''Fred''': George Avocados?
:'''Avocados''': That's A''voc''ados, you delinquent. What are you doing on my land?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dude, this is your land?
:'''Avocados''': My family has farmed avocados on this land for generations. Because you horrid children unmasked my dear father as a diamond thief, my reputation has been besmirched, forcing me to work my fingers to the bone so I can keep myself in the wealthy manner to which I have become accustomed.
:'''Daphne''': You know, if you're looking to make some money, I bet you could sell that coat for... (''Avocados looks a bit annoyed at her'') Hmm.
:(''A small creature falls to the ground, and runs with spider paws to the top of the tree'')
:'''Velma''': Uh, is that normal avocado behavior?
:'''Avocados''': Destroido! They're ruining my crops, and there's nothing I can do about it!
:'''Fred''': Why not?
:'''Avocados''': Because, dim young man, Destroido won't even allow me onto their property without a Destroido passport, which only they can issue. Now, get off my land.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. E''': ARREST THEM!
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Now, hold on, sheriff?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Now, it's time to see who the Scarebear really is.
:(''Fred unmasks Scarebear'')
:'''Everyone''': Benson Fuhrman?
:'''Benson''': That's right. And Fuhrman isn't my real name. It's Hairmore.
:'''Fred''': Why did you change it?
:'''Benson''': Isn't it obvious, man? Hairmore would give me away as the Scarebear and, duh. All I wanted was to expose Destroido for the sick, soul-destroying evil that it is. Destroido ruins lives and pays the victims to keep quiet. Well, this is one victim who won't remain quiet any longer.
:'''Daphne''': How are you a victim? You look fine.
:'''Benson''': Do I, pretty scarlet-headed temptress? What if I told you that I am not, in fact, wearing a bear suit, but I'm covered completely in animal hair?
:'''Fred''': Except for your face?
:'''Benson''': It would be covered, too, square-jawed, handsome young hero, if I didn't have to shave every few hours just to maintain my non-hirsute appearance. You see: I purchased a bottle of gentle rain flower body wash for men, a heavenly scent designed to bring the ladies running. What I didn't know was that the company, Musky Farms, is a division of Destroido, and that there's a side effect. When I contacted Destroido about the product turning me into a hairy bear-man, the company acted as if what had happened to me was nothing. They tried to pay me off. Destroido ruined my life. So I was determined to find evidence that their body wash was toxic. I got the job as head of security and created the Scarebear suit out of taxidermied bear parts. I'm particularly proud of the claws which I purchased from a school for gifted children. I discovered that gentle rain flower was originally marketed as a lawn growth fertilizer that was so toxic, it destroyed an entire town. They didn't even change the formula. I was in the process of uploading the incriminating files to my website when you kids broke into my lab. My plan was to finally expose Destroido tonight at their own charity ball. I wanted to show the entire world what they had done. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling, mutant animal-hating kids.
:'''Fred''': Gee. I feel kind of bad that we got in the way. Destroido deserves to be exposed.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Unfortunately, since Destroido is its own sovereign nation, I can't arrest anyone.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, Sheriff! (''hugs Sheriff Stone'') You're wonderful!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Huh?
:'''Mayor Nettles''': I'll explain it later.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, speaking of explaining, we still don't know who set the bomb.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': They do not suspect us of having set the bomb. Excellent.
:'''Ricky''': Not so excellent, however, is the fact that it didn't work. That idiot trap fiend found a way to blow up my bomb, and the gang walked free. I would have destroyed my own company to get those Planispheric Disk pieces. These children are proving hard to handle.
:'''Pericles''': We must find another way. Perhaps somebody close who can betray the kinder without them ever seeing it coming.
:'''Ricky''': Of course. Brad and Judy.
:'''Pericles''': Question is, will they be willing to betray their only son?

===Wrath of the Krampus===
:'''Pericles''': Perfect.
:'''Judy''': All the pieces of...
:'''Brad''': The Planispheric Disk are ours!
:'''Ricky''': I believe it's time to put all of it together.
:(''The old gang goes to the lair and find that the pieces are gone, only DVD'')
:'''Brad''': I don't understand.
:'''Judy''': Where are our pieces?
:(''Ricky plays the DVD on the DVD player'')
:(''Video starts'')
:'''Fred''': ''If you're watching this, you're probably wondering what's happened to your pieces of the Planispheric Disk. In a word, you've been scammed, conned, bamboozled.''
:'''Daphne''': ''That's 3 words, Fred, but I think they get the idea. We did this to you.''
:'''Scooby''': ''Yeah.''
:'''Shaggy''': ''And we will be more than happy to tell you how we did it.''
:'''Velma''': ''It was all an elaborate plan masterminded by your very own Freddie.''
:'''Fred''': ''We created Krampus by borrowing Charlie the Haunted Robot and dressing him up in clothes we bought off German gypsies who live in Crystal Cove's haunted forest.''
:'''Velma''': ''As for Krampus moving around, he was being remote controlled by Jason Wyatt, who agreed to help for lenience from the Mayor on his mother's sentence.''
:'''Shaggy''': ''Like, Jason also helped create an invisible aerosol that was used to turn hair white and make it grow long for added effect.''
:'''Fred''': ''We needed to keep you away from the vault. You following us following Krampus was the perfect way to keep you distracted so we could carry out our master plan: Breaking into Mr. E's vault.''
:'''Daphne''': ''Freddie planted a bug on Brad Chiles' clothing so that we could get the code to the vault.''
:'''Scooby''': ''And once we had that code...''
:'''Velma''': ''We could give it to our operative. Someone with intimate knowledge of Mr. E's lair: Hot Dog Water.''
:'''Ricky''': (''surprised'') Hot Dog Water?
:'''Velma''': ''I still know how to get in touch with her.''
:'''Shaggy''': ''Like, when Velma told Hot Dog Water what we had planned, HDW was in.''
:'''Scooby''': ''And while we stole the real pieces...''
:'''Fred''': ''You were stealin' fake ones.''
:'''Daphne''': ''The real pieces were instead safely hidden with the one person no one would ever suspect: Fred's fake father, the ex-Mayor Jones.''
:'''Fred''': ''My not-really-my-dad dad may have betrayed us once to get the disk pieces, but when he heard what we were planning, he was more than glad to help us take you down.''
:'''Shaggy''': ''And, like, Mary Anne Gleardan also agreed to help us after the current Mayor offered her lenience on her sentence.''
:'''Scooby''': ''She really wants to go back to the 7th grade.''
:'''Fred''': ''I guess I secretly hoped you guys might not try to steal the pieces from us. But I guess I always knew you would. Which leaves me with only one thing left to say: Real mom, real dad, don't expect me home for dinner. Ever.''
:'''Scooby''': ''And we're taking Nova with us, too. You don't deserve her.''
:(''Video ends'')
:(''The old gang is shocked'')
:'''Daphne''': Oh. Let's see what it looks like: The whole Planispheric Disk.
:(''The gang reassembles the pieces of the Planispheric Disk'')
:(''The disk is shining'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, whoa.
:'''Velma''': It's beautiful.
:'''Fred''': We have the whole thing. That leaves only one question.
:'''Scooby''': What do we do now?
:(''The next scene depicts the crystal coffin with eyes glowing beneath Crystal Cove'')
:'''Crystal coffin's voice''': ''Nibiru.'' (''laughs'')

===Heart of Evil===
:'''Dr. Zin''': (''crying'') I have failed you, my dragon. What bitterness to lose with the Quest-X power source in our grasp. It's all your fault!
:'''Dynomutt''': My fault? Gee, what'd I do? I hadn't a clue!
:'''Blue Falcon''': Allow me to elucidate, Dog Wonder. It's time you knew the truth. 
::(''In the flashback, Radley Crown shoots the gun to Dragon, Dragon grabs him'')
::'''Blue Falcon''': (''narrates'') ''You were once an ordinary but beloved security dog... until tragedy struck.''
::(''The dog bites Dragon's back that explodes, dog loses consciousness'')
::(''Next scene in the laboratory'')
::'''Dr. Quest''': Radley, I was able to replace most of Reggie's damaged body parts with robotic replacements. Now, for the tricky part: the heart.
::'''Race Bannon''': But doctor, are you telling me you're going to power this dog with the most powerful generator on the planet?
::'''Dr. Quest''': He's a living thing, Race, and deserves no less.
::(''Flashback ends'')
:(''Dynomutt chuckles'')
:'''Velma''': But Dynomutt wasn't the only cyborg created in that explosion, was he, Dr. Zin?
:'''Dr. Zin''': No. Stealing the Quest-X was to be a trial run for my greatest creation: the Dragon battle suit. So, precious was this invention, I trusted only one person to test it: my own daughter. The accident fused the suit to Jenny and has been feeding off of her life force ever since. How did you know?
:'''Velma''': The Dragon registered a heat signature on Mr. E's scanners.
:'''Fred''': But why the obsession with Dynomutt?
:'''Dr. Zin''': Not the dog, the Quest-X inside! With that to power the Dragon suit, my Jenny would survive. But now...
:'''Blue Falcon''': I had no idea.
:'''Dynomutt''': Oh, my goodness gracious! Why didn't you say so? Never to busy to help a fellow cyborg with a jump start.
:(''Dynomutt uses a power cable to the Dragon suit'')
:'''Blue Falcon''': Dog Wonder, no! The feedback could destroy you both!
:'''Fred''': It's gonna blow!
:(''The Dragon suit almost exploded with a flash, it raised and opened itself to release Dr. Zin's daughter, Jenny, she collapsed, Dr. Zin helped her'')
:'''Jenny''': Father?
:'''Dr. Zin''': Jenny!
:'''Scooby''': Aww! Isn't that sweet? (''giggles'')
:'''Dr. Zin''': Robot dog, meddling kids, man in bird suit, you have my thanks. I have spent so many years pursuing my evil plan of global domination, I sometimes forget the beauty of a simple act of selfless kindness. (''Fred and Daphne smile at each other'') (''mocking'') It's a pity you must all now be destroyed as this island explodes with the fury of 1,000 suns! (''Both Dr. Zin and Jenny laugh'')
:'''Jenny''': Good one, dad! Let's motor.
:(''Dr. Zin and Jenny escape with their jetpacks'') 
:'''Dynomutt''': Well, for an evil, crazed scientist, he certainly has a unique sense of humor.
:'''Shaggy''': Let's get out of here!
:'''Scooby''': Yipe!
:(''The gang with Blue Falcon and Dynomutt escape the island'')

===Theater of Doom===
:'''Brad''': But--
:'''Ricky''': Stifle it, Chiles. Pericles has the floor.
:'''Pericles''': So, the kinder still have the disk. You couldn't even manipulate your own son? Pathetic.
:'''Brad''': Fine. We failed.
:'''Judy''': That's right, Brad.
:'''Brad''': Not now, Judy. (''to Pericles'') Aren't you the smart one who should have seen through Fred's ruse?
:'''Pericles''': Don't push me, older pretty boy. I want those pieces, and since you and your sweet, dumb bride failed me, it is up to you to recover them before people get ''hurt''. (''his paws break the table part'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Alright, Velma, start singing.
:'''Velma''': Uh. ''[sings; Friar Serra and His Donkey, Porto while playing the Acoustic Guitar. Daphne gasps]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Now, let's see who this ghostly monk really is. (''unmasks Serra's face'')
:'''Everyone''': George Avocados? (''The crowd is surprised'')
:'''Avocados''': That's A''voc''--ah. Oh, forget it. That's right. It is me.
:'''Fred''': Yes! Finally! I knew you'd be the villain eventually.
:'''Avocados''': All right, you got me. And I suppose you're wondering, after so many prior misdirects, why now.
:'''Daphne''': Actually, no. Not really. We kind of always knew you were evil.
:'''Avocados''': Hmmph! Okay, fine. Then my tale should not surprise. It all began after I failed in politics. I had no choice but to go into the family business: Farming avocados. Everything was going so well until you mystery brats blew up my crops. I then tried my hand at fortune telling. But when that endeavor failed... I fell back on the A''voc''ados legacy of stealing other people's things. I located the A''voc''ados diamond, stolen by my father. Turns out, it actually was disguised as a door knob, not on a door in Crystal Cove, but on a door at the Burlington Library. When I found out it was among the artifacts sent here for the production. I took a job as a janitor. I needed everyone to stay clear of the basement to give me time to look. I hid the body of Friar Serra in a closet and assumed his identity. Knowing this town's gullibility, I knew a ghost story would give me room to hunt. And I would have succeeded, TOO, if it weren't for Vincent van Ghoul.
:'''Vincent van Ghoul''': Moi?
:'''Velma''': So the brown residue that was left behind...
:'''Avocados''': That's right. Guacamole! Now, I want my diamond! (''tries to grab the diamond staff but Daphne grabbed it'')
:'''Daphne''': Let me see something. This crystal is the diamond!
:'''Shaggy''': But, like, hold on. If you were the friar, how did you appear at the rehearsals?
:'''Avocados''': I didn't. I assumed that was you meddling kids trying to trick me into revealing myself.
:'''Everyone''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Friar Serra''': You are still in danger. The story of Crystal Cove is a lie. The donkey never tried to help save the town, but to destroy it. There were 4 of us and Porto in the Fraternum House Mysterium, a group of mystery-solving friars. We encountered a conquistador. He told us a tale of great evil before his madness got the best of him, and he vanished in the night, he left behind two oddly-marked disk pieces. We quickly became obsessed with the pieces. We realized that there was an evil at work. We attempted to destroy the pieces to rid us and the town of evil, but the evil would not allow us. The evil manipulated Porto. Porto set out to destroy the town. We chased Porto to the alligator-infested swamps, outside of town. Porto was dragged away by the alligators, but not before I was able to retrieve the one piece he took. The other piece, thankfully was lost at the bottom of the ocean when Crystal Cove sank into the sea. It was up to me, now, to hide the last piece. Beware, Nibiru is coming. This has all happened before, it begins with the animal. Always the animal. Heed the warning of the alligators! ''The dog dies!'' (''Friar Serra's corpse crumbles to dust'')
:'''Scooby''': (''gulps'') &quot;The dog dies&quot;? Is he talking about me?!

===Aliens Among Us===
:'''Scooby''': EEB.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Don't get too close. They still might have some alien brain-stealing items ready to deploy.
:'''Velma''': That might be true if they were really aliens, but they are, in fact, (''unmasks the Grey, Nordic Alien and Reptoid'') Traveler O'Flaherty, Sheela O'Flaherty and Connor O'Flaherty.
:'''Fred''': Ah, usually, we all recognize the villain and shout out his name in unison.
:'''Daphne''': Yeah, Velm. Mind cluing us in?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I know all the criminals in Crystal Cove, and these jerks aren't ringing a bell.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, you had a wanted poster for them on your wall.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Oh, please. Nobody ever pays attention to those. What is this, the old west?
:'''Traveler O'Flaherty''': Were that it were, boyo. Then perhaps we could've earned an honest living. When I was a wee lad, we couldn't even afford peat for our fire. So I had to lift it. It turned out I was a right good thief, but then I discovered there were things I could steal other than coal, and wouldn't you know it, my kids had an aptitude for the family business as well. We started getting a reputation for our business, and there were our faces splashed all over the universe. Aye. 'Twas then we got the idea for the costumes because who'd ever say they saw an outer space creature stealing a flat-screen television set? I found out about the Blakes purchasing the Pangaea. Seemed like it was right up our alley, and we'd have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you frittering snappers. (''after a short silence'') Meddling kids!
:'''Sheriff Stone''': But I know what I saw: the aliens, the cornfield, my nose chip!
:'''Velma''': Actually, Sheriff, during your hypnotic regression, Shaggy and Scooby smelled something on your breath.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Bad clams.
:'''Velma''': The clams induced a hallucination that made everything seem real.
:'''Daphne''': What about the lights on the road?
:'''Velma''': A weather balloon that got loose from the army.
:'''Fred''': And the Mystery Machine fritzing out?
:'''Velma''': Too many people turning on their air conditioners at the same time created an electromagnetic pulse that shut the Mystery Machine's engine down.
:'''Daphne''': The crop circle?
:'''Velma''': A farmer writing &quot;I love you&quot;, to his wife for their anniversary.
:'''Daphne''': Aw, we must've been standing in the &quot;O&quot; of &quot;love&quot;.
:'''Fred''': Or the &quot;O&quot; of &quot;you&quot;.
:'''Daphne''': It was the &quot;O&quot; of &quot;love&quot;, Fred.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': So I wasn't repeatedly abducted and experimented on by aliens?
:'''Fred''': Doesn't seem so, Sheriff.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Then I'm no longer a victim. And you, O'Flaherty family, are under arrest for THIEVERY AND IMPERSONATION OF INVADERS FROM OUTER SPACE, AND you're going away for a ''long'', long time.

===The Horrible Herd===
:'''Shaggy''': So, like, I don't understand. The Planispheric Disk led us to dig up this crazy old flintlock. Does that mean this is the treasure?
:'''Velma''': No. It might be worth a little something as an antique, but the cursed treasure of Crystal Cove is supposed to be immense beyond all imagining.
:'''Daphne''': Like love.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Excuse me, Mr. farmer. What happened to your farm?
:'''Farmer''': Farm? I ain't got no farm. It's gone, all of it. That horrible herd ate everything except the silo. (''to Martha'') Martha, we are leaving.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, did I just heard you say hear? I mean, uh, ha ha ha, hear you say herd.
:'''Fred''': Herd of what?
:'''Farmer''': Skull cattle. Ugliest darn things.
:'''Velma''': Guys, look at these weird hoof prints. They don't make any sense.
:'''Farmer''': If you really want to get all nosy about it, you should talk to the other farmers in the area. The herd paid them a visit, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': So you're saying that this herd of skull cattle also destroyed your farms?
:'''Sullen female farmer''': What's the matter with you? You got potatoes in your ears, huh?
:'''Fred''': Huh? Nope, not today. I once had luminescent swamp moss stuffed in my ears when I was trapping toads as a baby. But it came out. Eventually.
:'''Velma''': Ay. Please, go on.
:'''Sullen female farmer''': Like a plague of locusts they was. Coming out of the night, they devoured everything in their path.
:'''Male farmer''': I reckon she's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': I mapped all the attacks on all the farms in the area, and look, they create an outline of a magnifying glass just like the one the old Mystery Incorporated used as their symbol. It's centered around Destroido.
:'''Daphne''': Cute little moo cows turned into horrible monsters. There's only one mind evil enough to come up with something like that.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Professor Pericles.
:'''Daphne''': Velma, is there anyway we can spy on the old Mystery Incorporated? Didn't you say Hot Dog Water hooked us up somehow at Destroido?
:'''Velma''': I almost forgot. Hot Dog Water left us a back door into the Destroido security system when she was there stealing the Planispheric Disk pieces.
:'''Fred''': Can you get more volume?
:(''Velma gets the high volume of the laptop'')
:'''Ricky''': ''You have gone too far this time, Pericles. Too far!'' (''The next scene depicts the conversation of Ricky (Mr. E) and Professor Pericles'') This macabre herd of skull cattle you've created is costing millions of Destroido's money. '''''My''''' money. And I currently have 28 of my best scientists listed as presumed missing.
:'''Scientist''': (''heard in the other room'') No, NO! AAAAAHH!
:'''Ricky''': Make that 29.
:'''Pericles''': Ricky, one cannot make a genius omelet without breaking a few worthless eggs. Right, Brad and Judy?
:'''Brad''': You said it, Professor Pericles.
:'''Judy''': He's a genius, right, Brad?
:'''Brad''': He sure is, Judy. He sure is.
:'''Pericles''': And make no mistake, Ricky, I will break any egg that gets in my way: Ed Machine, Cassidy Williams, or perhaps even you. My herd of skull cattle is perfect in every way. I have crossbred cows, piranhas, and bees to create ultimate monsters. And I'm their master. My precious creations exist for one purpose: ''to devour Crystal Cove.'' My herd of male drones shall level this city to the ground, leaving nowhere for the Mystery kinder to hide the Planispheric Disk.
:(''The next scene depicts that the gang listened Pericles's evil plan'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, he's gonna destroy Crystal Cove!
:'''Fred''': Come on, gang. We have to warn the town.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Gang, this is all our fault.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Isn't it always?
:'''Daphne''': Maybe we should just give Pericles the Planispheric Disk.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, no way. A treasure beyond all imagining in the clutches of an evil psychotic parrot?
:'''Velma''': Would be devastating on a global scale. Shaggy's right. There has to be another way.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Well, you Mystery dorks better decide quick because those nasty cow thingies sealed off the town completely.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': Soon Crystal Cove will cease to exist and the Planispheric Disk shall be ''mine.'' THEN no one will ever stand in my way AGAIN. (''laughs'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Nettles''': All the roads leading in and out of the city have been eaten. They're cutting us off.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Perhaps as-- as-- a species our time is over. It's evolution, people. We should all submit to the herd. I think I'll see if they're hiring any Sheriffs.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Bronson, although I find your immediate surrender oddly endearing, you're not going anywhere. Kids, there must be a way to stop these things.
:'''Daphne''': I think I have it. It's all the little pieces, all the clues. Especially the fact that Professor Pericles referred to all the skull cattle as male drones. And then there's the sweet cheese.
:'''Shaggy''': I think I see where you're going with this, Daph. If Scooby and I can eat all that honey sweet cheese, those things will starve and we'll save the town.
:'''Scooby''': Count me in. I'm ready to eat my way to victory.
:'''Daphne''': That's not what I was thinking. They're like bees. The herd is all male drones. So there must be a queen in the cow hive at Destroido.
:'''Velma''': Daphne, that's so genius I should have thought of it. They'll be totally protective of their queen. If we could capture the queen cow...
:'''Fred''': We could use her to lead the herd away from the town.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Saving Crystal Cove.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I don't know. I don't know. I think my plan of letting the herd enslave humanity ''is pretty darn good.''
:'''Fred''': My fake father mayor dad used to keep a helicopter here at city hall.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': I still have it. Quick, it's our only chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Nettles''': You did it, kids. You saved the town.
:'''Daphne''': I feel a little sorry for those skull cattle. It's not their fault they're horrible genetically engineered mutations.
:'''Fred''': Look. (''The horrible herd rise in the ocean'') Those things are part fish, remember? They can swim.
:(''The horrible herd swim away from Crystal Cove'')
:'''Velma''': Whoa. What have we done?
:'''Shaggy''': You mean, like, other than release unnatural super predators into the ecosystem?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': It's best to just walk away from this one, kids. Just... walk... away.
:(''Everyone walk away from the horrible herd in the ocean'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Scooby and Shaggy are searching Nova'')
:'''Scooby''': Nova. Nova! Nova!
:'''Shaggy''': (''finds Nova lying on the ground'') Scooby-Doo, over there!
:(''Scooby grabs Nova alive and injured'')
:'''Scooby''': She's alive. Come on, we have to get her to the hospital.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': ''My'' plan, ruined by those '''meddling kinder.''' They will pay. All of them. They will ''pay''.

===Dance of the Undead===
:'''Martha Quinn''': Hang on. I've prepared a slideshow on every music group from the last 60 years. (''shows the gang with a slide projector'') Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics. Poor Rude Boy could never quite ride the fame train the way he wanted, so it's said that he turned to voodoo magic to further his career. He cast love spells on the audience. He cursed other bands. Once, he even cast an enchantment of never-ending pain on a synthesizer. Real crazy stuff. Rude Boy always said he would come back from the grave. And now, it looks like he has.
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks!
:'''Scooby''': Doesn't anybody ever stay dead around here?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Nettles''': These citizens were found at the Tiki Tub. They're dancing, and they can't stop.
:'''Daphne''': That dance is called skanking. It's how you're meant to dance to ska music. And you said dance class was a waste of time.
:'''Velma''': Oy. Doctor, what's the prognosis?
:'''Doctor''': If we can't find a cure within 24 hours, they will dance themselves into a permanent cataleptic state. They will become zombies for the rest of their lives!
:(''The gang is shocked'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The Zombies Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics arrive and play their hit at the top of City Hall'')
:'''Zombie Rude Boy''': (''laughs'')
:'''Fred''': It's Rude Boy!
:'''Velma''': Quick, cover your ears!
:(''Martha, Ian and the gang covered their ears except Shaggy and Scooby'')
:'''Zombie Rude Boy''': Dance!
:'''Martha Quinn''': We have to fight this MUSICALLY! We need ultimate POWER CHORD!
:(''Martha, Ian and the people start dancing unwittingly'')
:'''Fred''': I'm fighting it, but I can't resist their catchy use of Caribbean mento and calypso with American jazz and rhythm and blues!
:'''Daphne''': Shaggy, Scooby, why isn't it affecting you?
:'''Scooby''': I'm a dog. Music is just noise to us.
:'''Shaggy''': And, like, you've heard me sing. I'm totally tone deaf.
:'''Velma''': Shaggy! Scooby! You're our only hope! It's up to you to save the town! It's up to you to save us!
:(''Fred, Daphne and Velma start dancing. Shaggy and Scooby are shocked'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, zoinks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what do we do, Scoob? Everyone in town is a total ska zombie, and we have to save them! But, like, we don't know anything about music!
:'''Scooby''': We don't, but we know people who do.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': (''watch the Hex Girls poster'') The Hex Girls!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Now, let's see who's really behind the evil ska music. Rude Boy is actually... (''unmasks the Zombie Rude Boy'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Rude Boy?
:(''Shaggy, Daphne and Velma unmask the three Zombie Ska-tastics'')
:'''Ian Hope''': You're alive! But the plane crashed 30 years ago.
:'''Velma''': Was an elaborate hoax, wasn't it, Mr. Rude Boy?
:'''Rude Boy''': Oi. You blighters got it in for me, right. But yeah, we faked the whole bloomin' thing. All I ever wanted to do was play ska and be super rich and super famous. But apparently, it just wasn't in the tarot cards, maybe the fact that we only had one song had something to do with it. So me and ''me'' mates, the Ska-tastics here, we decided we'd fake our own deaths. Then, we could write the perfect song and return to take the music world by storm.
:'''Martha Quinn''': I don't understand, Rude Boy. Why did you wait 30 years to make a comeback?
:'''Rude Boy''': Ah, don't be such a muppet, Martha Quinn. We planned to be only gone one year, but writing the perfect song took bloomin' forever. By the time we'd cracked it, ska wasn't popular anymore. But everyone loves the undead. So, we began dressing as zombie mogs, riding our undead scooters and wearing polycarbonite-lined skull masks to hide our identity.
:'''Velma''': So, in the end, desperate for success, Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics unleashed a dancing plague on the world using an inharmonic chord with special frequencies designed to induce post-hypnotic suggestion to sell their music.
:'''Fred''': Just as I thought, but didn't say. Dance them away, Sheriff. We are done here.
:(''Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics walk dancing into the police car'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Scooby is visiting Nova at the hospital'')
:'''Scooby''': Oh, Nova, it's getting weirder and weirder. Things aren't as easy to explain anymore. It feels like something is going to happen, something ''bad''. What do you think, Nova? (''watches the heart monitor and slowly, it stops'') Nova? Nova? (''Nova's eyes open and Scooby giggles and is surprised when she rises up'')
:'''Nova''': Nibiru. Nibiru is coming. (''lies back in bed and closes her eyes'')

===The Devouring===
(''Pericles trying to access Destroido computer and is denied access'')
:'''Pericles''': ''Eagle and Gänseblümchen.'' Ricky! Ricky, what have you done? (''Ricky Owens looking at pictures of Cassidy Williams'') I've been locked out of the system. 
:'''Ricky''': I know. I did it on purpose. You're out of control Professor Pericles, and I'm putting a stop to it. I'm in charge. I built Destroido from the ground up while you were cooling your beak in prison. It's time that I..-
(''Pericles slaps Ricky across the face'')
:'''Pericles''': You are in charge of nothing, Ricky Owens. You have never been anything other than an idiotic human mascot, a shoulder for me to perch upon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': All the food is gone.
:'''Shaggy''': It ate, like, everything.
:'''Daphne''': What ''was'' that thing?
:'''Rick Spartan''': That is the Gluten Demon. If we don't stop it, it'll devour the entire food supply and starve us all, until there's nothing, and no one left alive in Crystal Cove.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Now let's see who the Gluten Demon really is. (''unmasks the Gluten Demon'')
:'''Fred, Daphne, Velma, Cachinga and Rick Spartan''': Francilee Jackson!
:'''Velma''': Not a big surprise after the work that Cachinga, Daphne, and I did. Francilee's cooking show wasn't taped before a live audience. She made the tape herself, allowing her to work the special effects and adding in the Gluten Demon during editing.
:'''Cachinga''': Plus, her stage name is Francilee Jackson, but her birth certificate lists her as Agatha Juniper Schildenheimer.
:'''Daphne''': As AJS, she signed those manifests. She rented that secret warehouse.
:'''Velma''': And she has a strange food allergy to all things healthy. Which is why she reacted to Cachinga's salad lunch so insanely.
:'''Daphne''': The only thing we don't know is why.
:'''Francilee''': Oh, y'all, it's so simple. I needed a big comeback. After my cornbread recipe was revealed to have no corn in it, I was ruined. Ruined! My only chance was to open my own bakery where I could serve up my new breakout dish: The double bacon mayonnaise butter-stuffed pasta surprise with buttered bread sauce! Any cook worth their kosher sea salt knows the legend of the Gluten Demon. I dressed up like that and started destroying every restaurant in town so there'd be no competition when I opened mine. And I would have done it, too, been a huge success again, if it weren't for all y'all bread-hating health fanatics!
:'''Deputy''': That's it, boys. Let's roll her away.
:(''The 2 deputies roll Francilee to the police car'')
:'''Francilee''': (''the bowl rolls away from her'') My bowl! My precious bowl! NO! My bowl! It's mine! MINE!
:(''Daphne grabs the bowl'')
:'''Cachinga''': It's ancient maya by the look of it.
:'''Daphne''': (''reads the bowl'') ''TERCERO LLAVE''. It's the third key.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ricky''': So you see, Professor Pericles, it's over. You're not the boss here. I am. And you're out of the group.
:'''Pericles''': (''tortures Ricky with by pressing the remote control button on Cobra larvae'') Oh, Ricky, Ricky, my loyal Brad and Judy told me of your little mutiny. So, last night while you were asleep, I put mutated cobra larvae in your spine. Every time I press this button, a little venom is released. So, as you can see, or feel, I'm still very much in control. You do as ''I'' say. First, we steal the Planispheric Disk from the kinder, then ''we'' destroy them. (''laughs hysterically'') WE DESTROY THEM! (''laughs again'')

===Stand and Deliver===
:'''Fred''':  Now let's see who this mysterious woman stealer really is.
:(''Velma unmasks Dandy Highwayman'')
:'''Everyone''': The librarian?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, seriously? But you're not even British.
:'''Scooby''': I'm so confused. Why?
:'''Librarian''': It's simple, really. You spend a life reading about other people's exciting adventures and never, never, never have one of your own. It's awful. (''sadly'') I'm so lonely.
:'''Velma''': Jinkies. How did I miss that one?
:'''Librarian''': I never really had any friends growing up. All I had were my books. For years I stayed in my room and read about incredible adventures, other people's adventures. Then, I got an idea, I was going to become the Dandy Highwayman. I was going to be the king of adventures and adored by women everywhere. I studied how to do an English accent. I incorporated a motorcycle helmet into my costume's hat and practiced my motorcycle skills for hours and hours. Then, I discovered something unimaginable: the key to a woman's total admiration and devotion. All you have to do is pay attention to them when they're talking. CRAZY, isn't it? It wasn't until I started to moderate the book club that I learned how to listen. From there, I actually became interested in what women have to say. Before long, I was fully engaged in their desires and feelings. I was living in the ''dream''. And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling romance killers.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I'm not buying it for a second. You put some kind of voodoo MAGIC SPELL on them, you did.
:'''Librarian''': Never. I just listened, that's all. Except when the going got tough. I had a little help. (''uncovers the earplugs'') These earplugs were the only magic I used.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': I knew it! I knew there was some kind of trick involved. Listening to women? Who ever heard of such a thing?!
:(''Mayor Nettles and Daphne arrive'')
:'''Daphne''': Jeepers! The librarian? I kind of feel bad for him. You know, he never really abducted the wives. They said they went with him willingly because he was mysteriously charming and--
:'''Sheriff Stone''': We know, we know. The whole listening and paying attention thing. We get it already. Whatever.
:(''Sheriff Stone and deputy take the Librarian into custody'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Scooby is in the strange dream'')
:'''Scooby''': Ohh!
:'''Dancing Man''': Scooby-Doo, your time has come. She is here.
:(''Nova arrives'')
:'''Scooby''': Nova?
:'''Nova''': I am not Nova. I've only borrowed her body so that I may bring you an urgent message. Scooby-Doo, your life is in danger.
:'''Scooby''': Huh?
:'''Nova''': I am of the Anunnaki, interdimensional beings that visit the planet earth every few thousand years. We arrive at a time call Nibiru, when the barriers between our worlds grow weak. The Anunnaki have a great history of helping humans, but we have no physical form and must inhabit animals. This is why some animals, our descendants, can talk and others cannot. But not all Anunnaki are kind and good. There are evil ones. And the most evil one of all is imprisoned beneath Crystal Cove and must not be set free. You must undo it, Scooby-Doo. Undo it all. Save yourself. Save your friends. Save the world.
:(''Scooby wakes up in the real world'')
:'''Scooby''': Hmm? Hmm? Duh! The cursed treasure is evil. Evil! We have to destroy it!
:(''Velma, Fred, Daphne and Shaggy look at Scooby, a bit shocked'')

===The Man in the Mirror===
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Sorry to bother you so early, kids. But the neighbors have been calling in constantly with reports of unearthly moaning, inhuman howling, blood curling screams...
:'''Shaggy''': In other words, same old same old.
:'''Fred''': You can count on us, Mayor Nettles.
:'''Daphne''': We'll see if there's anything mysterious going on here.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': (''leaves'') Thanks, kids.
:'''Velma''': Come on, come on, let's go! Let's get this over with.
:'''Fred''': After we're finished here, we need to relocate the Planispheric Disk.
:'''Scooby''': We'll do it.
:'''Shaggy''': Good idea, Scoob. Yeah, you and I will re-hide the disc while you guys check out the scary house.
:'''Daphne''': You're out of luck, Shaggy. Remember? Fred hid the Disk last time. And he's the only one who knows where it is.
:'''Velma''': Oy, can we hurry? Please?
:'''Fred''': Okay, let's get started. But first, well gang, it looks like we got another...
:'''Daphne''': Mystery on our hands! Oh, Fred, we're such soul mates. We're finishing each other's sentences.
:'''Fred''': Come on, let's...
:'''Shaggy, Velma and Scooby''': Split up and look for clues?
:(''The gang splits'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I guess that means we're ''all'' soul mates, haha.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Fred finds a strange mirror'')
:'''Fred''': Aaah! Ugh. Look at those creepy eyes! And that disgusting yellow hair! And the horrible tentacle around its neck! Makes me wanna hork. Oh. (''looks his reflection'') It's me! Phew, that was close. (''tries to leave but his reflection moves differently, he noticed, then moves to make reflection normal'') Hmm. (''turns around and his reflection pulls him into the mirror'') AAAAAAAAHHHH!! (''drops his lantern'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Fred''': Hello, friends.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, Freddie. Thank goodness.
:'''Evil Fred''': This place was a total bust. Nothing scary here. So let's get to school before we're late. Punctuality is an important facet of learning. Right, Daphne?
:'''Daphne''': Um, right, Fred.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Fred wakes up in a destroyed and apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the mirror'') What happened? (''leaves the destroyed house'') Gang? Gang! Daphne! (''tries to call Daphne in his cell phone and reads'') &quot;No Signal Anywhere!&quot;. (''walks the destroyed Crystal Cove street'') Anybody! Hello! Hellooooo! (''finds skeletons anywhere'') No. No! This is all wrong. Crystal Cove has much greener lawns and fewer skeletons. Velma! Shaggy! Scooby Doo, where are you?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Scooby''': (''whimpering'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Does the dog need walking?
:'''Scooby''': I walk myself, Fred.
:'''Evil Fred''': (''shows the Canine Grumpets'') Perhaps you would enjoy a canine crumpet.
:'''Scooby''': Hmm. That is not a Scooby snack, Fred. Humph!
:'''Evil Fred''': What difference does it make? (''Scooby is shocked'') I'm sure they all taste the same.
:'''Scooby''': (''grumbling'') You eat them, then.
:'''Evil Fred''': What was that, Scoobert?
:'''Scooby''': Uh, nothing. Nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Fred''': (''finds the Mystery Machine'') There! (''hugs it'') Ahh! There she is! (''looks the Mystery Machine's wreckage'') I don't understand any of this. What happened to Crystal Cove? What happened to the people? What happened to your groovy paintjob? (''Mystery Machine's door falls down and Fred finds the Mr. Traples half ruined'') Mr. Traples. What happened here? Please, tell me what's going on. (''finds the clothes of Velma and Shaggy in the floor'') Velma. Shaggy. Scooby. They're... They're... Oh, no. No. It's impossible. How could it get any worse? (''The green scarf appears and flies in front of Fred'') Daphne's scarf. No! It can't be! It can't be true! DAPHNE! '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Fred is sitting outside the destroyed City Hall'')
:'''Fred''': (''sadly'') Daphne.
:'''Unknown woman''': Fred?
:'''Fred''': Cut it out, Mr. Traples. It's not funny you imitating Daphne like that.
:'''Unknown woman''': Freddie, is that really you?
:'''Fred''': Daphne?
:'''Old Daphne''': (''shows up'') Fred, where have you been?
:'''Fred''': (''shocked'') Aah!
:'''Old Daphne''': Oh, Freddie, don't look at me. I'm hideous!
:'''Fred''': Daphne, is... is that really you?
:'''Old Daphne''': Of course it's me, silly. And ''jeepies'', you found my scarf. (''puts the scarf on her neck'') I've been looking all over for this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': I still don't understand. I came out of that mirror and everything had changed. Why is everyone a skeleton and why are you--
:'''Old Daphne''': Do I really look so awful, Freddie?
:'''Fred''': Uh... no.
:'''Old Daphne''': When you didn't come back, something went crazy with the Planispheric Disk. Velma said it created a vortex around Crystal Cove and sped up time here. We searched everywhere for it. You hid it too well. Decades whirred by in weeks. Everyone aged quickly and one by one, turned to dust until only I was left.
:'''Fred''': I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I... I'm just a really good hider.
:'''Old Daphne''': You've got to change it back. Right up till the end, Velma said the Planispheric Disk could reverse the process. Where did you hide it, Freddie? We have to get that disk.
:'''Fred''': Then that's what we'll do. Daphne, Mr. Traples, load up. We've got a future to change.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Old Daphne''': The F-F-Fearatorium Food Emporium. Shaggy and Scooby loved this place. It was hidden here the whole time?
:'''Fred''': Yep. Come on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Everybody out.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, this is more like it. (''chuckles'') The F-F-Fearatorium Food Emporium makes me, like, f-f-famished.
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Evil Fred''': (''grabs Shaggy and Scooby hardly'') What's wrong with you two? You're like bottomless pits. We're not here to indulge your munchies. We're here for that Planispheric Disk.
:'''Daphne''': Freddie, you're the one who hid it here. I don't understand why you don't know where it is.
:'''Evil Fred''': Oh, you don't understand? Intellect isn't your strong suit, huh? What about you? Got any smarts in there behind those eye goggles?
:'''Velma''': Hmmph.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Old Daphne''': Freddie, we've looked everywhere. It's not here.
:'''Fred''': Hey, wait a minute. You're right. This wasn't the last place I hid the disk. The trip through the mirror must have jangled my memory. Now I remember.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Never mind, change of plans. This isn't where I left it after all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Old Daphne''': The Arcane-A-Rama Movieplex? You hid the disk here?
:'''Fred''': Sure. I would think you of all people would realize why this place would be so important to me, don't you, Daph?
:'''Old Daphne''': Because we had our first date here, Freddie.
:'''Fred''': I can always count on you to remember stuff like that. Come on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Evil Fred''': It's got to be here somewhere. Keep searching.
:'''Shaggy''': What's the score?
:'''Evil Fred''': The score, Norbert, is that we're gonna find that disk tonight.
:'''Shaggy''': I meant the score to the baseball game. That you're listening to. On that thingymabob.
:'''Evil Fred''': Heh. I knew that.
:'''Velma''': It's not Norbert. It's Norville. And nobody calls him that. It's always Shaggy.
:'''Evil Fred''': I suggest less nitpicking and more searching. (''talks through headphone'') Wait. What? It's not here. Get back in the van.
:(''Scooby thinks Fred is crazy'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Old Daphne''': The kennel of the horrible hounds?
:'''Fred''': Shaggy used to board Scooby here when he and his folks went on vacations. I'm pretty sure I put the Planispheric Disk here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Velma''': Fred, this is all very bizarre.
:'''Evil Fred''': You don't know the meaning of the word, child. (''grunts'') I just remembered where I actually hid the disk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Fred''': Here we are. This time for sure.
:'''Old Daphne''': The education board of Crystal Cove? Why? That's so random.
:'''Fred''': I'm surprised at you, Daphne. Education is very important to me. Isn't it, Mr. Traples? (''plays with Mr. Traples'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Evil Fred''': I don't know. Look in all the desks, I guess. I'll check out the superintendent's office. (''leaves the gang'')
:'''Velma''': Gang, something is definitely wrong here. (''writes the blackboard with chalk'') I mean, is it me or is Fred acting even stranger than usual?
:'''Scooby, Shaggy and Daphne''': It's not you.
:'''Velma''': Maybe if we can retrace our steps, we'll see a pattern. (''writing'') F-F-Fearatorium Food Emporium. Arcane-A-Rama Movieplex. Kennel of the horrible hounds. Education board of Crystal Cove. (''marks the first and second 4 letters from top to bottom'')
:'''Daphne''': &quot;Fake Fred&quot;?
:'''Velma''': I knew it.
:'''Scooby''': Then who is he?
:'''Shaggy''': And who sent the message?
:'''Velma''': My guess? The real Fred. Wherever he is, he's probably in life-threatening peril.
:'''Daphne''': And in the clutches of some hideous creature.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Old Daphne''': Where is it, Fred? Where is it?
:'''Fred''': Take it easy, Daph .At least we now know it's not here.
:'''Old Daphne''': You don't understand, Fred. We have to find that disk now. It's almost midnight. They'll be waking up soon.
:'''Fred''': What? Who?
:(''The skeletons rise themselves'')
:'''Old Daphne''': The skeletons. The skeletons walk after midnight. Run!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Old Daphne''': Fred Jones, you remember every trap you ever built. Why can't you remember where you hid the most important relic in the universe?
:'''Fred''': Trap. That's it. Now I remember. (''starts the engine of wrecked Mystery Machine'') It's at the old abandoned factory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the present version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Aha! Now that's more like it.
:'''Shaggy''': Should I just keep driving around in circles, Mr. Fred? Oh, sir? (''drives the Mystery Machine in a circle'')
:'''Evil Fred''': No, the old abandoned factory, hippie. And floor it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the apocalyptic version of Crystal Cove'')
:'''Old Daphne''': This isn't the way to the factory.
:'''Fred''': I'm willing to bet it's the way to the factory. The real factory.
:'''Old Daphne''': (''a bit disappointed'') Fred, we're headed straight for that wall. It's solid brick!
:'''Fred''': Is it, or is it...
:(''Fred accelerates faster the Mystery Machine into the wall'')
:'''Old Daphne''': Aah! Uhh!
:(''The Mystery Machine breaks through the fake wall'')
:'''Fred''': Fake. As fake as everything else in the old abandoned Crystal Cove movie studio. And as fake as you, Daphne.
:'''Old Daphne''': How...How did you know?
:'''Fred''': Two big ones. The real Daphne would never forget that our first date was at the Trap Expo 3000. But the biggest mistake was right at the start.
:'''Old Daphne''': What?
:'''Fred''': You said jeepies. Daphne says jeepers. Velma says jinkies. Nobody says jeepies. I mean, that's just plain silly. Once I knew you were fake, I figured Crystal Cove must be phony, too. It could only be the old movie studio made to look like a ruined town, complete with animatronics skeletons. Obviously this was all about the location of the Planispheric Disk. Convincing me that I needed to save my friends from a post-apocalyptic future was the most obvious way to get me to tell you where I hid it. It's exactly what I would have done.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In Steelco Industries, the gang and Evil Fred arrived'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Fan out. Search every inch of this place until we find that disk.
:'''Shaggy''': Well, like, if you remember hiding it here, like, dude, where is it?
:'''Evil Fred''': Well, the exact location slipped my mind. (''leaves the gang to search the Planispheric Disk alone'')
:'''Velma''': We can't let that fake Fred get his hands on the Planispheric Disk.
:'''Scooby''': What do we do?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we do what the real Fred would do. We trap him.
:'''Velma''': Agreed. But it's got to be before he gets his hands on...
:'''Evil Fred''': The Planispheric Disk. I found it! I found it!
:'''Velma''': Okay, never mind.
:'''Daphne''': Now that you've got it, what are you going to do with it? Fake Fred.
:'''Evil Fred''': Ahh, well done. You finally figured out I'm an imposter. So what? I'm taking the Planispheric Disk, and who's going to stop me? You? You?
:'''Fred''': NO! (''arrives'') Me. I mean you. Me. I mean me. You me. I-- Aw, heck. You get the idea. (''starts fighting Evil Fred'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Don't just stand there, Shaggy. Get in there and help Fred.
:'''Shaggy''': Which one?
:'''Daphne''': Uh, the good one.
:'''Old Daphne''': (''shows up'') Be careful, Fred. Don't hurt him.
:(''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne look at Old Daphne'')
:'''Daphne''': AAAAHH! NO! NO!
:'''Scooby''': (''to Old Daphne'') Daphne, you look terrible. You should get more sleep.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Fred''': (''takes the Planispheric Disk'') I'll never give up this disk. You'll never beat me.
:'''Fred''': (''throws the chain to Evil Fred's legs'') I don't need to beat you. I just need you to stay put.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Fred''': Get me out of this. He's the fake.
:'''Shaggy''': They're, like, identical, right down to the ascot.
:'''Scooby''': Which one's the real Fred?
:'''Daphne''': (''to Evil Fred'') Freddie, how do you feel about me?
:'''Evil Fred''': What do you mean? You're my love, Daphne. I'm crazy about you.
:'''Daphne''': (''to Fred'') And you?
:'''Fred''': Uh, gosh. Gee, Daph, you know, I-- well, I guess aside from traps and solving mysteries, um... er, my stomach's getting hurty.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, Freddie. It's you! (''kisses Fred'')
:(''Velma shuts down the magnetic machine, Evil Fred and Fred fall down to the floor'')
:'''Evil Fred''': Well, if you're so smart, then who am I really?
:'''Fred''': You're one of the most heartless criminals Mystery Inc. has ever faced. Aren't you, dad? (''tries to unmask Evil Fred but realizes it's not a mask'') 
:'''Evil Fred/Brad''': Ow! It's not a mask, you imbecile. I had plastic surgery to look like you. You would have spotted a mask too quickly.
:'''Fred''': I don't know what you think you were doing. You're supposed to be my father. But how could you try to impersonate me when you know absolutely nothing about me?
:'''Velma''': If he's Brad, that makes you Fred's sneaky criminal mom, Judy. (''tries to unmask Old Daphne but realizes it's not a mask either'')
:'''Old Daphne/Judy''': Ouch! Watch it. I had plastic surgery, too.
:'''Velma''': I know.
:'''Shaggy''': Brad Chiles and Judy Reeves? (''chuckles'') But, like, why?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. Why?
:'''Brad''': For the treasure. What else? It was the genius mind of Professor Pericles that thought up the whole plan. Wasn't it, Judy?
:'''Judy''': That's right, Brad. While we went under the knife, Professor Pericles had Mr. E arrange for the Crystal Cove studio to be changed into an exact replica of the town.
:'''Brad''': Except more end of the world-ish, obviously.
:'''Velma''': I hate to be the one to point this out, but that's just crazy.
:'''Pericles''': (''shows up'') Is it, Velma? Or is it so brilliant you cannot begin to fathom its true genius?
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Fred''': Professor Pericles?
:'''Fred''': You failed, Professor. You'll never get your filthy talons on this disk.
:'''Pericles''': On the contrary, Frederick. You are going to hand it over to me, along with my associates, your dear parents, or else I will destroy the one thing you care about most.
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks!
:'''Daphne''': (''2 Kriegstaffebots grab her'') Freddie!
:'''Fred''': Fine. You win. Take it.
:'''Pericles''': Excellent. (''takes the Planispheric Disk'') ''Auf Wiedersehen'', you beautiful kinder.
:(''2 Kriegstaffebots throw Daphne into Fred and leave'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Freddie, I'm so sorry. Pericles got away with the disk because I got grabbed by robots.
:'''Fred''': Don't worry, Daph. The important thing is that you're back safe and sound. And you look good again.
:'''Scooby''': Only now, Pericles has the Planispheric Disk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Pericles places the Planispheric Disk in a special location in Destroido'')
:'''Pericles''': I'm coming for you, master. I'm coming to set you free.

===Nightmare in Red===
:'''Fred''': Now let's see who this Monstrous Freak really is.
:(''The Monstrous Freak weakened by a light transforms into conquistador'')
:'''Fred''': It's...it's... Who is that?
:'''Velma''': If I'm not mistaken, it's El Aguirre, the captain of the Spanish conquistadors.
:'''Daphne''': El Aguirre? But why?
:'''Fernando El Aguirre''': ''La pura verdad'', the truth is simple. I did not want you to discover how to destroy the Evil Entity buried deep beneath Crystal Cove, in its ''Caja Demonio''.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, that doesn't make any sense. I thought you'd be the first person who'd want that thing destroyed.
:'''Fernando El Aguirre''': No! Do you not see? If you destroy the Entity, myself and my men will be set free from this ENDLESS CURSE. We should never be set free. We must pay for all the horrible atrocities we committed while in service to the Entity.
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Oh.
:'''Fernando El Aguirre''': I can still hear their screaming. All the screams of the innocent ones. No. No! We must pay forever! We can never be set free!
:'''Shaggy''': Okay. Like, the old Spanish dude is a little ''loco'' in the ''cabeza''.
:'''Annunaki Nova''': Do not fret. All can be undone. All can be forgiven.
:'''Dancing Man''': Yes. Yes, all can be forgiven.
:'''Fred''': That reminds me. Uh, be right back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the real world'')
:'''Professor Horatio''': They're not gonna make it. I'll never be whole again. It's over. All over! (''sobbing'') Unless...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the dream'')
:'''Annunaki Nova''': It was centuries of your Earth time ago. They called themselves Ma Cuben Sun Macul, which means the Hunters of Secrets. They were the original group manipulated by the Evil Entity. There were more to follow. The evil one has forever been manipulating hapless souls throughout history in hopes they would set him free from his crystal sarcophagus. The Mystery Incorporated that preceded yours, the Darrow Family's Mystery Fellowship, the Benevolent Lodge of Mystery, the Mystery Gang with their bull Tiny, the Alianzo Mysterio and their pet skunk El Fuchy, and Fraternitas Mysterium. Always 4 humans and an animal. The Mayan group of friends, the Hunters of Secrets, were the very first. They were the most pure. They realized they were being manipulated and instead of setting the evil one free, they were about to destroy it with the '''Heart of the Jaguar'''. Alas, they were interrupted by El Aguirre and his men who came and took the crystal sarcophagus away thinking it to be a great treasure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the real world'')
:'''Professor Horatio''': You're the smart one, Velma. It's time to go. Give my other half the talisman. Complete the bridge and I can bring you all home. Velma, listen! Hear me! Time's up!
:(''In the dream'')
:'''Velma''': (''moving the talisman'') Jinkies! We're out of time!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Fred and Daphne go to Sitting room'')
:'''Fred''': (''touches the shoulder of Fred Jones Sr.'') I want you to know that whatever happened, I'm not really mad at you. Despite the whole stealing me as an innocent baby and lying to me my entire life, you were a great dad. I forgive you. You've always been and still are the only real father I've ever know.
:'''Fred Jones Sr.''': Leaping late lilies, Fred. I am so proud of you. Even if you don't break the spell, even if you can't turn it all around by destroying that Evil Entity, I want you to know that having you as my son was the absolute best part of my life. You were always the best part of me.
:(''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma and Dancing Man arrive'')
:'''Velma''': Freddie, we have to go.
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, like, time's up. If we don't leave now, we don't leave ever.
:(''Velma gives the talisman to Dancing Man'')
:'''Dancing Man''': Ha ha ha! I am going home. Ha ha ha!
:(''The gang takes each member's hands in circle'')
:'''Annunaki Nova''': Find the Heart of the Jaguar, Scooby-Doo. It is the only way you shall defeat the evil that is buried deep beneath Crystal Cove. Use the Heart of the Jaguar.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''In the real world, the gang wakes up'')
:'''Professor Horatio''': (''receives the best part of Dancing Man'') I'm whole again. I'm whole! And I couldn't have done it without you meddling kids. You beautiful, brave, wonderful meddling kids! (''dances'')
:'''Velma''': Jinkies. After all we've been through, only to find out that we've been manipulated by some Evil Entity? Is that the only reason we're together?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, yeah. Maybe we don't even like each other.
:'''Fred''': Gang, wh-- what are we gonna do?
:'''Scooby''': The Heart of the Jaguar. We have to find the Heart of the Jaguar.

===Dark Night of the Hunters===
:'''Shaggy''': It's time to see who this ancient jade mask wearing weirdo really is. (''unmasks Priestess'')
:'''Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred''': Professor Andelusossa?
:'''Angie Dinkley''': Enrique!
:'''Velma''': He was staring us in the face all along. When the men in the village thought I was my mom, it was clear that no one was able to forget her over all these years. Then there were the vines. This plant isn't native to the Yucatan. Only someone with a background in gardening could have cultivated it and made it grow so quickly. Professor Andelusossa's first job was as a gardener. Finally, the vines on the boat had been tied to the wheel. The boat had been scuttled to make it look like the Professor had been attacked.
:'''Angie Dinkley''': But why, Enrique?
:'''Prof. Andelusossa''': For love. Angie, when you left me that summer decades ago, you took my heart with you. Every night seems like I dreamed of you. When you called asking about the Heart of the Jaguar, I knew it was my only chance to lure you back, and find out if you still cared for me.
:'''Fred''': So you decided to test her love by crushing her with fast-growing killer plants! Wow. That's exactly what I would have done.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, Freddie. That's so romantic. In your usual, unique kind of way.
:'''Prof. Andelusossa''': And I would have gotten away with it, too, if... (''sighs'') if you had really loved me.
:'''Angie Dinkley''': Oh, Enrique, sweetie, that was all years ago. There's only one man I ever truly loved, and that's my husband, Mr. Dinkley.
:'''Mrs. Andelusossa''': (''arrives'') Enrique, you are not a man! You're a fool! (''spits saliva to Fred's head'')
:'''Fred''': Daw! Ugh!
:'''Mrs. Andelusossa''': Mrs. Dinkley, you have won. You can have him!
:'''Angie Dinkley''': But I don't want him.
:'''Unknown woman''': (''arrives'') Then I'll take him!
:'''Angie, Mrs. Andelusossa and Prof. Andelusossa''': Huh?!
:'''Daphne''': Who are you?
:'''Unknown woman''': Tomina Kasanski. Call sign: Ice princess. I've been tracking you ever since you left Crystal Cove.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, why?
:'''Mayor Nettles''': (''arrives'') Because I asked her to.
:'''Fred and Daphne''': Huh?
:'''Angie Dinkley''': Huh?
:'''Scooby''': Mayor Nettles?
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Lieutenant Kasanski is an old friend of mine from Fighter Weapons School. (''she and Tomina Kasanski clapped their hands'')
:'''Velma''': But why are you following us?
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but three days ago, I had a nightmare that told me you were in trouble and that I had to come to the Yucatan to help you get some spear thingie.
:'''Scooby''': The Heart of the Jaguar.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Yeah, that! I'm supposed to help you get it back over the border and home to Crystal Cove.
:'''Velma''': Okay, that's it. I give up.
:'''Tomina Kasanski''': Grab your prisoner and let's haul. I got a c130 waiting in an air strip 30 clicks from here. (''takes Prof. Andelusossa into custody'')
:'''Fred''': Well, gang, let's go home. We have an Evil Entity to destroy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Angie Dinkley''': Dear, is something wrong?
:'''Velma''': Well, it's just that, everything that's been happening lately, I've always thought I could count on logic; deductive reasoning, facts. But all that's gone. I never believed in the supernatural like you did, and...
:'''Angie Dinkley''': Oh, sweetie, you were never wrong. Believe in yourself. Everything will work out just fine. (''Velma hugs her'') Now, come on. I've been wearing the same girdle for five days in the jungle, and I really need to get a change of clothes.

===Gates of Gloom===
:(''The gang and Mayor Nettles drive the Mystery Machine in the city, with no people and the damaged freeway'')
:'''Daphne''': What happened to the street?
:'''Fred''': It looks like some kind of earthquake.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, zoinks. Where is everybody?
:(''Sheriff Stone runs to the Mystery Machine, scared, Fred stops driving'')
:'''Sheriff Stone''': THEY'RE GONE! EVERYONE! GOOOOOONE!
:(''Everyone is shocked'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Focus, people. There are lives at stake. Something has taken my mom and the rest of Crystal Cove.
:'''Scooby''': It even took my Nova from the hospital.
:'''Daphne''': What kind of horrible monster would snatch a sweet little dog in a coma?
:'''Scooby''': I know. Nova! Nova! (''sobbing'')
:'''Shaggy''': Quick, Scoob. Drown your sorrows in this pint of triple fudge cookie dough caramel chip. (''gives the cookie to Scooby'')
:'''Scooby''': Thanks, Raggy. I needed that.
:'''Velma''': As I was saying, I suspect this mystery is connected to the Evil Entity buried under Crystal Cove.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, hold on. You said you didn't buy into all this stuff.
:'''Velma''': Well, I ''still'' don't. But my mom helped me see the light and be more open. Maybe this is all science fiction, but a lot of science fiction turns out to be science fact. They laughed at Jules Verne when he wrote about submarines and going to the moon.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, they used submarines to go to the moon?
:'''Scooby''': I guess so.
:'''Velma''': One thing is clear, this isn't the boogeyman, a vampire, werewolves, or an evil leprechaun. This is an extra dimensional intelligent being we're facing. It's real.
:'''Shaggy''': Wow, Velm. Like, that must have been some talk with your mom.
:'''Velma''': It made me remember that the advanced sciences have long accepted the possibility of other dimension. Now I guess things have gotten a lot less theoretical.
:'''Daphne''': So you think having the evil intelligence under Crystal Cove could be why this town that is so weird?
:'''Velma''': Yes. And the weirdness is escalating (''turns on the projector'') because the time of Nibiru is upon us. I discovered that my computer model of the Planispheric Disk perfectly mirrors the planets in our solar system. You can see they're coming into direct alignment. Plus, there is a tenth planet: Planet &quot;X&quot;. It's getting closer, about to come into alignment behind Pluto. It will cause a massive gravitational disruption not seen in 5,000 years. The time of Nibiru happens in two days. And it's this disruption that makes the fabric between dimensions of time and space extremely weak. That's why the evil thing buried beneath Crystal Cove must be destroyed. We know that the Heart of the Jaguar is supposed to be able to destroy this Evil Entity and undo all of its evil.
:'''Fred''': We also know the Spanish conquistadors used the Planispheric Disk to map the Entity's double-triple secret location.
:'''Daphne''': Plus, the Planispheric Disk showed us the location of four keys.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, the old pistol, the helmet, the mortar bowl thingy, and a piece of old sail cloth.
:'''Daphne''': It feels like we know a lot and nothing at the same time.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, welcome to our world. (''chuckles'') Right, Scooby-Doo?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, we also know nothing. And we love it.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': (''dancing'') We know nothing and we love it! Yeah! Ha! Yeah! Ha! We know nothing and we love it! Yeah! Ha! Yeah! Ha!
:(''The ground starts to shake'')
:'''Fred''': Shaggy, Scooby, stop! Don't move!
:(''The ground opens the hole'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Good thing I had Jason Wyatt help me install this sound amplifying antenna in my binoculars. Let's listen in.
:'''Ricky''': ''There's been no sign of her for weeks.''
:(''The next scene depicts that Ricky is looking at the photo of Cassidy'')
:'''Judy''': Who are you looking for?
:'''Ricky''': Cassidy.
:'''Brad''': Maybe she finally gave up.
:'''Ricky''': No, she would never give up. She's gone.
:'''Pericles''': Of course she's gone. Anyone who crosses me gets ''eliminated.''
:'''Judy''': Um, Professor Pericles, you promised you would surgically alter me back to my stunning self by now. I'm so old like this. How long do you plan on making me suffer?
:'''Pericles''': I don't have time for such things. The treasure is almost within our grasp.
:'''Brad''': Besides, I'm the one who's suffering, not you, Judy.
:'''Judy''': How are you suffering, Brad?
:'''Brad''': Well, I'm the one who has to look at you all day, '''every day.'''
:'''Judy''': (''gasps'') That was very hurtful, Brad.
:'''Brad''': I'm sorry, Judy. I mean, ''grandma''.
:'''Judy''': Well, at least I'm not walking around with that outrageous chin, Bradley.
:'''Ricky''': Look at you, you're all coming unraveled. The closer we get to that treasure... (''The next scene depicts that the gang is hearing the conversation of the old gang with amplifying binoculars'') ''...the more the curse takes over. Cassidy was right. She was right all along.''
:'''Shaggy''': Like, the old Mystery Incorporated dudes are totally losing it.
:(''The next scene depicts that Pericles lights the lamp, pointing the Planispheric Disk'')
:'''Pericles''': ''Zeek! Zeek! Die Zeit wird kommen!'' The time has almost arrived. (''The lamp light passes through the holes in the Planispheric Disk pointing the right place'') Focus all the digging on that spot. Und Ricky, when the entrance is found, have my Kriegstaffebots destroy all the workers. They have outlived their usefulness.
:'''Ricky''': You monster! I'm not your trained monkey. I won't do it. I won't be a part of this madness anymore. (''Pericles tortures Ricky with by pressing the button on Cobra larvae'') Aah! Aah! Aah! Yes, pro--master. Whatever you command. I will-- have... (''The next scene depicts the gang is hearing Ricky's words, shocked'') ''...the Kriegstaffebots destroy them all. Not one person from Crystal Cove will be left alive.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the Mystery Machine spare wheel'') Oh, my gosh, gang. What have I done?
:'''Daphne''': What you had to do. What you always do. Turn traps into a fighting chance to live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': All my years of searching to find this door! I have done it! It will lead us to the treasure and more. Soon, very soon, the world as we know it will never be the same again. ''Niemals!'' (''puts the Planispheric Disk in the gate, making it open'')
:'''Brad''': Professor, won't the kids just follow us in?
:'''Pericles''': Yes, they will. ''Und'' I need them too. I need Scooby-Doo. If I'm to take control of the great power below, the dog must be destroyed at just the right moment. Come! My destiny awaits. ''Und holen sie mir die Schachtel!'' (''To Kriegstaffebots'')
:(''The old gang and Kriegstaffebots enter the cave'')
:(''The gang keeps the artifacts including Heart of the Jaguar'')
:'''Fred''': All right, gang, now let's see where this uber mystery really leads. Ready?
:'''Daphne''': Ready.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, ready.
:'''Velma''': Ready.
:'''Scooby''': Professor Pericles is gonna regret the day he ever messed with ''Scooby-Dooby-Doo.''
:(''The gang enters the cave'')

===Through the Curtain===
:'''Evil Entity''': (''narrates'') Soon... soon I will be free! The time of the Nibiru is nearly at hand. The planets are coming into alignment, working toward my release, as are you. Even though you know it not, I forged you. You are my proudest creation. So come now, children of Nibiru. Be strong and set your master free so that I may bathe this world in ''fire''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brad''': Judy, I have to say, this dark cave is doing wonders for your complexion.
:'''Judy''': Really? It's so nice of you to notice. Thank you, Brad.
:'''Brad''': You're welcome, Judy. In this light, I can barely see your multitude of wrinkles and your mouth full of decaying teeth.
:'''Judy''': (''gasps'') That's it, Bradley! (''starts fighting Brad'')
:'''Pericles''': Stop it! You two are behaving like children.
:(''Kriegstaffebot grabs Judy after kicking Brad'')
:'''Ricky''': The cursed treasure is tearing us apart. I wish Cassidy were here to see you all go to pieces.
:'''Pericles''': Oh, Ricky, you always lacked the stomach for greatness. (''to everyone'') Forward! ''Marschieren!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': (''watching the old gang and Kriegstaffebots through binoculars'') They're on the move.
:(''The gang is walking after the old gang'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, Scooby-Doo, old pal, this is it. (''grabs the burger sandwich from the backpack'')
:'''Scooby''': The last hamburger.
:'''Shaggy''': We've already eaten all of our snacks. I was saving this for an emergency.
:'''Scooby''': This ''is'' an emergency. That's the last hamburger. (''Shaggy eats the burger sandwich in half and he eats the other half'') Ahh. Looks like we're roughing it from here, Raggy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The old gang and Kriegstaffebots came to the giant gate'')
:'''Pericles''': Beautiful (''speaks in German'')
:'''Brad''': I'm sorry to ask, Professor Pericles, but--
:'''Judy''': What are we waiting for?
:'''Pericles''': The kinder. I know they are out there following us. Give them a minute. They will soon understand their part in all this. But they must hurry. The planets are nearly in full alignment. The time of Nibiru is almost at hand.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Shaggy and Scooby are watching the giant gate through binoculars'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dig those crazy symbols on those Gigantico doors.
:'''Scooby''': (''terrified'') The dream world.
:'''Shaggy''': The what world?
:'''Velma''': The dream world. The keys. Everything we saw, it finally makes sense.
:'''Daphne''': Professor Karen did say that the dream world would show us what we needed to find.
:'''Fred''': And it showed each of us the keys.
:'''Velma''': And what they were for.
:'''Daphne''': The fourth key is the element of air.
:'''Scooby''': The third key is the element of Earth.
:'''Fred''': The second key is the element of water.
:'''Velma''': And the first key is the element of fire. Each one of the 4 keys opens a gate leading down. That first gate is covered with alchemy symbols for air.
:'''Daphne''': But if that's the first gate, why is it attached to the fourth key?
:'''Fred''': Because it's in reverse.
:'''Shaggy''': Of course it is. Like, why would any of this make sense?
:'''Velma''': It makes perfect sense, Shaggy. We're working outside in. (''shows the 4 keys from the backpack'') This is the fourth gate. The next one will be the third. And then the second. And then ultimately the first.
:'''Daphne''': And then... the Evil Entity.
:(''Shaggy and Scooby are shuddering'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': (''watches the pocket clock'') All right, you Mystery Incorporated. I know you're out there and you have the key.
:(''The gang hides behind the rock'')
:'''Ricky''': Even if the Mystery Incorporated kids are out there, what makes you think you can make them do what you want?
:'''Pericles''': (''chuckles'') Because, my dear Ricky, everyone has their weakness. (''speaks German'')
:(''Kriegstaffebot grabs Marcie out of trunk as a hostage'')
:'''Velma''': Marcie! No!
:'''Pericles''': Good kinder. Now, come cooperate and I will not harm the Hot Dog Water.
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the fourth key'') I'll do it. I'll go.
:'''Daphne''': No, we all go together. No splitting up. Never again.
:(''Fred smiles at Daphne'')
:(''The gang walks near the first gate'')
:'''Fred''': Mom, dad.
:'''Brad and Judy''': Son.
:'''Pericles''': Ahh, the fourth key. I know you had found them. Here, allow my Kriegstaffebots to open the gate. It is very dangerous.
:(''Kriegstaffebot tries to take the fourth key'')
:'''Fred''': I don't need your help, Pericles.
:'''Pericles''': As you wish, Frederick.
:'''Fred''': (''to the gang'') If this gate is what I think it is, and I think it's a big fat trap, it might work in our favor. Hold on to something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Marcie grabs Pericles hardly'')
:'''Pericles''': Ahh! What is the meaning of this? Put me down, you horrible girl.
:'''Marcie''': Not a chance, you nasty little monster. (''to Kriegstaffebots'') Move and the bird gets it.
:(''Marcie tightens Pericles in her arm'')
:'''Pericles''': (''to Kriegstaffebots'') (''speaks German'') Back off! No one move!
:'''Marcie''': You guys go. Do what you have to do. I've been trapped in that box long enough to hear everything Professor Creepy Bird has in mind. Find that Entity and destroy it. I'll hold them off as long as I can. Go. Now!
:'''Velma''': No, Marcie. I won't. I can't.
:'''Marcie''': You have to. The world needs you. Don't worry about me, V. I'll see you when this is over. (''The gang leaves Marcie, the old gang and Kriegstaffebots behind'') One more move and I pluck this ugly little chicken. (''takes Pericles's feathers'')
:'''Pericles''': Ow! (''to Kriegstaffebots'') Nein! Nein! Stop!
:'''Marcie''': Heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marcie''': (''walks back with Pericles in her arm'') (''last words'') E, I guess I expected more from you.
:'''Ricky''': So did I, little girl. So did I.
:'''Brad''': (''gives Judy his belt'') It's all in your hands now, Judy.
:(''Judy uses Brad's belt as a whip to trip Marcie up, freeing Pericles'')
:'''Marcie''': Ow. (''groans'')
:'''Brad''': Silly child. We were springing impromptu traps before you were born.
:'''Judy''': That's right, Brad.
:'''Brad''': Thank you, Judy.
:(''Kriegstaffebots prepare to shoot Marcie with her last shocked look'')
:(''In the Air Dimension the Kriegstaffebots' guns sounded'')
:'''Scooby''': (''hears the sound of guns'') (''whimpers'')
:'''Velma''': (''sadly'') Come on, Scooby. We have to keep going.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ricky''': You make me sick, Pericles. I wish I had never saved you all those years ago.
:'''Pericles''': Hmm. Do I care? No.
:'''Ricky''': Maybe you should care.
:'''Pericles''': (''shows the remote control'') Perhaps you should care more about the poisonous cobra larvae implanted in your spine. ''Now'', let's move.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang walks to the second gate'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, the second gate.
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the balance rock'') Hmm... Somebody hand me the mortar bowl.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, Fred is really in his element here, huh?
:'''Daphne''': Pun intended.
:(''Shaggy gives Scooby the mortar bowl, then Scooby gives it to Fred'')
:'''Fred''': Earth.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang walks to the third gate amid a wall of water'')
:'''Daphne''': The third gate.
:'''Velma''': And the second key. Water.
:'''Fred''': (''grabs the conquistador's helmet'') Looks like there's only one place to fill it up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dudes, where are we?
:'''Daphne''': And for that matter, where the heck have we been for the last two keys?
:'''Velma''': We're traveling through different dimensions. An intriguing feature of string theory and advanced physics is that it predicts extra dimensions. In classical string theory, the number of dimensions is not fixed by any consistency criterion.
:'''Shaggy''': What is she talking about?
:'''Scooby''': You're asking me?
:'''Velma''': The Planispheric Disk not only maps 3-dimensional space, but the fourth dimension of time and beyond. Worlds between worlds.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dude, that's all well and good...
:'''Scooby''': Even if we don't understand a word of it.
:'''Shaggy''': But, like, how are we gonna find the last gate?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. All I see is water. Endless water!
:'''Velma''': Jinkies. Shaggy and Scooby are right.
:'''Daphne''': We're trapped in the middle of nowhere WITH NO WAY OUT!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pericles''': Looks like the kinder are having fun, and they're ''all'' still alive.
:'''Judy''': That's our Fred.
:'''Brad''': A chip off the old block.
:'''Judy''': Blockhead, more like.
:'''Brad''': Thank you, Judy. (''annoyed'') Hey!
:'''Ricky''': You're insane. ALL of you. None of us are going to make it out of this alive. NONE OF US! (''laughs'') And I'm glad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': I can't take it! I can't take it!
:'''Scooby''': It's okay, Raggy.
:'''Shaggy''': No, Scoob, it is not okay! We're totally lost at sea. No, wait. Correction! Lost on an interdimensional sea, alone and adrift between universes. Dudes, life is completely turned upside down.
:'''Velma''': Upside down. Shaggy Rogers, you're a genius.
:'''Shaggy''': Like...like, huh?
:'''Velma''': It's not up, it's down. The gate is down.
:'''Fred''': Oh. (''puts his head in the water and realizes that the next gate is below, then emerges'') Hey, look.
:(''Daphne, Scooby, Shaggy and Daphne put their heads in the water then emerge'')
:'''Daphne''': Jeepers. You think the fourth gate is down there?
:'''Fred''': Only one way to find out. Come on, gang. (''jumps into the water'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang walks to the fourth gate'')
:'''Daphne''': The last gate.
:'''Fred''': This is it. We made it, gang.
:'''Velma''': I don't like what's waiting for us beyond that door.
:'''Scooby''': Evil.
:'''Shaggy''': Pure evil. That we must destroy with the Heart of the Jaguar.
:'''Scooby''': Let's get this done.
:'''Velma''': Wait. If things prove to be bigger than us, I just want to tell you guys--
:'''Daphne''': No. Nothing is bigger than us. It's the 5 of us. We can do this ''together''.
:(''The gang join hands'')
:'''Shaggy''': Here, let me do the honors.
:(''Fred gives Shaggy the old flintlock pistol'')
:(''Shaggy nervously shoots the flintlock at the gate, the bullet ricochets around the place'')
:'''Fred''': I don't get it. The key didn't work.
:'''Daphne''': That's because the flintlock itself isn't the key. (''puts the flintlock near the gate, the flint shines'') Look, it's the flint.
:'''Fred''': Daphne, you figured it out, you do the honors.
:(''Daphne slots the flint into an opening on the lock and the fourth gate opens'')
:'''Shaggy''': Whoa. This place is like mega creepy and scary. Is it too late to turn back?
:'''Scooby''': Yes. Way too late.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang finally walks to the cursed treasure discovered'')
:'''Scooby''': (''grabs the Heart of the Jaguar'') Hmm? What do I do now?
:'''Evil Entity''': (''locked in a crystal sarcophagus'') Open the sarcophagus.
:'''Shaggy''': It--it spoke.
:'''Evil Entity''': Turn the lock. Set me free.
:'''Fred''': We aren't here to free you.
:'''Velma''': We're here to destroy you.
:'''Evil Entity''': Destroy me? Never. You have no choice. This is your destiny. Everything you have done, you have done for me. I brought you together as I brought all those together before you. I made you into friends. Forced you into a group. I am the author of your every hope and dream. All to this purpose: ''you set me free.''
:'''Shaggy''': Like, is this--this evil telling the truth? Like our whole life, our friendship has been a lie?
:'''Fred''': Maybe everything we think we know, none of it is real.
:'''Daphne''': No. I--I refuse to believe it. (''takes Fred's hand'') My love for Fred is real. I know it. And I love you all. You're my best friends.
:'''Velma''': Daphne's right. Every word this thing spits out is a lie. (''to Scooby'') Destroy it.
:'''Scooby''': This ends now. We'll never set you free.
:'''Pericles''': (''shows up'') That's too bad... (''The old gang arrives with Kriegstaffebots'') ...because I will.
:(''Scooby prepares to destroy the sarcophagus with the Heart of the Jaguar, but Pericles snatches it with his paws'')
:(''Kriegstaffebots hold the gang and Pericles opens the sarcophagus'')
:'''Evil Entity''': The time of Nibiru has come. (''comes out of the sarcophagus and laughs'')

===Come Undone===
:'''Nova''': (''narrates'') A beginning is a very delicate time, much more so an ending. Know that this is the year 10,191. We, the Annunaki, travel between layers of the many universes. We came to help you grow, evolve. But not all of us are good. Some are evil wanting to feed on your energies. This most evil of all is imprisoned in a crystal sarcophagus between worlds so he can cause no harm. This evil desires to devour worlds. He manipulated groups of humans to set him free: The Mayan Hunters of Secrets and their jaguar, Spot, The Fraternitas Mysterium and their donkey, Gordo, The Alianzo Mysterio and their skunk, El Fuchy, The Mystery Gang with their bull Tiny, The Benevolent Lodge of Mystery and their orangutan, Mr. Peaches, They Mystery Fellowship and their cat, Whiskers, Mystery Incorporated and their parrot, Professor Pericles, and the current Mystery Incorporated and their special companion, Scooby-Doo. The time of Nibiru has come. The moment the planets align, the evil one's strength will be the greatest Free in your world, he will grow more powerful every second. He will destroy your city, your planet, your universe. Only one stands in his way: Scoobert &quot;Scooby&quot;-Doo. (''Evil Entity laughs'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Entity''': (''laughs'') Free! Free! I have been trapped too long. (''laughs'') (''grabs Scooby-Doo'')
:'''Fred''': Hey! What are you doing to Scoob? Hey!
:'''Scooby''': Shaggy, help! (''Fred and Shaggy tried to save Scooby but the Evil Entity hit them away from him'')
:'''Evil Entity''': Do not fight. The dog must die and be reborn as a vessel to my darkness. You should give me form. I shall walk this world a giant.
:'''Scooby''': Never! (''breaks free'')
:'''Pericles''': Nein! Nein! Forget the dog! Consume me. Give me the power!
:'''Evil Entity''': So be it.
:(''The Evil Entity seizes Pericles and pours its essence into his body, causing him to grow into a dark green giant'')
:'''Pericles''': (''laughs'') After all these years '''I am unstoppable!''' (''laughs again'')
:'''Shaggy''': Dude! Somehow that parrot just keeps on getting creepier!
:'''Pericles''': (''last words'') Und I shall finally be rid of the Mystery Incorporated kinder! (''The Evil Entity proceeds to subdue his consciousness'') Aah! Something's wrong! What--WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?! '''AAAAAAHHHH!!'''
:(''The Evil Entity kills Pericles, mutating the parrot's body into a massive squid-like monster with horns and laughs'')
:'''Ricky''': Professor Pericles?
:'''Evil Entity''': The bird is gone. I am flesh now! '''Flesh!'''
:'''Judy''': (''last words'') Oh, mighty one!
:'''Brad''': (''last words'') We are ready to serve.
:'''Evil Entity''': Good, for I hunger. (''consumes Brad and Judy alive to increase its own strength, the gang is totally shocked'') I am your master now. (''The Kriegstaffebots answers in German language'') Bring the humans closer so that I may feast upon them and grow powerful enough to break my bonds. (''The Kriegstaffebots aim at the gang'')
:'''Daphne''': I think now would be a very good time to--
:'''Fred''': Run!
:(''The gang and Ricky flee but Shaggy stops'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, Scooby-Doo! Where are you?! (''starts running'')
:'''Evil Entity''': (''laughs'')
:(''Scooby-Doo attempts to destroy the Evil Entity with the Heart of the Jaguar, it breaks'')
:'''Scooby''': Uh-oh!
:'''Evil Entity''': (''laughs again, almost grabbed Scooby-Doo while he's running away from him'') You cannot escape! You are powerless against me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Entity''': You underestimate my strength. I should consume you and grow in power!
:(''The gang looks at each other, the Kriegstaffebot aims at them, Ricky decapitates it with a sword'')
:'''Daphne''': Way to go, Mr. E.
:'''Ricky''': Run, kids! Get out of here now!
:(''The Evil Entity grabs Ricky'')
:'''Velma''': Hang on, E! We'll save you!
:'''Ricky''': (''last words'') It's too late for me, Velma.
:'''Velma''': No!
:'''Ricky''': Save yourself!
:(''The Evil Entity consumes Ricky alive'')
:'''Evil Entity''': Now it is your turn! (''tries to grab the gang but its tentacles are blocked by a shield of blue energy that appears around them'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what was up with that?
:'''Evil Entity''': I need more. I shall feast upon all of Crystal Cove!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Entity''': (''laughs'') This world shall be mine. Then I shall devour galaxies. (''laughs again'') (''opens the Crystal Sarcophagus and releases an army of evil Annunaki minions'') Come to me, my minions. Come to me through this portal. Gather all from this place so that I may feed and grow strong!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': We have to do something!
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, but like, what?
:'''Velma''': What about the spear, the Heart of the Jaguar?
:'''Scooby''': It's broken. It's just a stick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Evil Entity''': I bring oblivion to this world! (''laughs'')
:'''Scooby''': It's the end.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Scooby-Doo receives a vision from Nova's Annunaki'')
:'''Scooby''': Nova. What do I do? The Heart of the Jaguar is broken.
:'''Nova''': The spear was never the Heart of the Jaguar. The Heart of the Jaguar is something else, Scooby-Doo. At the right moment when the heart is clear, you will know what to do.
:'''Scooby''': Seriously, just tell me what to do?
:'''Nova''': You will know. You will see. You will feel. (''disappears'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Evil Annunaki minions bring the gang to the Evil Entity'')
:'''Evil Entity''': My power approaches the infinite. Then I will absorb you and your friends. I will be '''UNSTOPPABLE!''' (''tries to consume them once again, only to be thwarted by the same barrier'')
:(''Scooby recalls Nova's words'')
:'''Nova''': ''You will know. You will see. You will feel.''
:'''Scooby''': Wait, that's it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Scooby''': The Heart is ''us''. It's always been us.
:'''Velma''': Jinkies! Scooby's right. It can't devour us now and it couldn't touch us earlier, remember?
:'''Daphne''': Not when we stood together. 
:'''Fred''': The 5 of us.
:'''Velma''': Our friendship.
:'''Daphne''': Our love for one another.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, that's the ''true'' Heart of the Jaguar.
:'''Scooby''': And that is something that monster can never take away. Something it can never defeat. It's now or never. '''Let's do this.'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Wait. Think it through. The Entity is still drawing power from the crystal sarcophagus.
:'''Daphne''': It's some kind of portal between dimensions.
:'''Fred''': That means if we shatter it, then we cut that thing's lifeline.
:'''Evil Entity''': (''still consuming people'') They must be stopped! Bring me them!
:'''Fred''': Gang, as a team. '''Go!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang takes the remains of the Heart of the Jaguar spear and races towards the sarcophagus while Annunaki minions try to stop them'')
:'''Fred''': Daph! (''gives the stick to Daphne'')
:'''Daphne''': Velma! Catch! (''gives the stick to Velma'')
:'''Velma''': Shaggy! (''gives the stick to Shaggy'')
:'''Shaggy''': Finish him, Scooby-Doo!
:(''Shaggy throws the stick in the air, Scooby-Doo launches it with a final kick into the crystal sarcophagus'')
:'''Evil Entity''': (''gasps'') (''The crystal sarcophagus is broken, opens up a vortex'') (''last words'') '''NOOOOOO!!!''' (''The vortex begins to suck everything into it, except for the gang'') No! It cannot be! '''IT SHALL NOT BE!''' WHY! WHY! '''WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!'''
:(''The vortex causes a galaxy implosion and a bright light'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''The gang watches the town normal and untouched'')
:'''Shaggy''': Like, whoa! Dudes!
:'''Velma''': The town looks untouched. We--we did it! (''The gang cheers'') We saved Crystal Cove!
:'''Fred''': We destroyed the monster!
:'''Daphne''': Let's celebrate!
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, celebrate.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff Stone''': (''arrives with Mayor Nettles and four children'') Hey, you kids. Nice to see you out and about on such a lovely day.
:'''Velma''': Sheriff Stone?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, dudes, where did that pint-sized posse come from?
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Mayor wife and I are taking the kids down to the beach.
:'''Daphne''': Mayor wife? Kids?
:'''Mayor Nettles''': You seem awfully forgetful, Daphne. I hope you remember you promised to baby-sit tomorrow night.
:'''Sheriff Stone''': Now, Eastwood, Norris and little Billy Jack need to be asleep by 8:00. Linda Carter here can stay up as long as she likes on account of her being more adorable than her brothers.
:'''Mayor Nettles''': Oh, we better run. See you tomorrow. (''leaves with Sheriff Stone and four children'')
:'''Velma''': OK, that was odd.
:'''Fred''': Gang, look at the sign.
:(''The sign says &quot;Crystal Cove - The Sunniest Place on Earth&quot;'')
:'''Daphne''': Didn't it always used to say &quot;The Most Hauntedest Place on Earth&quot;?
:'''Shaggy''': And like, check out that sign.
:'''Fred''': (''reads the Darrow Mansion's sign'') &quot;Visit historic Darrow Mansion&quot;?
:'''Velma''': Darrow Mansion sank underground.
:'''Daphne''': And Danny Darrow was some kind of horrible old troll, remember? I mean, wasn't he?
:'''Scooby''': (''scared'') Duh! What's going on?! (''jumps into Shaggy's arms'')
:'''Velma''': Scooby, I think that's exactly what we need to find out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': Mom, dad, be honest. Are you sure you two have never touched a trap in your entire lives?
:'''Brad''': Traps? Fred, you know we're both...
:'''Judy''': Obstetricians. We bring babies into the world.
:'''Brad''': Happy babies, Judy.
:'''Judy''': Thank you, Brad, happy babies.
:'''Daphne''': But that still doesn't explain why you're here, mom and dad.
:'''Barty''': Oh, it's simple, dear.
:'''Nan''': We're planning your wedding.
:'''Fred and Daphne''': Our wedding?
:'''Nan''': Why, princess, you're almost 18. High time you tied the knot.
:'''Barty''': I only wish we could find more perfect specimens of manhood like Fred for your underachieving sisters.
:'''Daphne''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paula''': Don't be silly, Norville, we're so proud. Our son, President of the Chefs Club, winner of the ultimate teen chef award and you've won the national junior epicurean of the year award 3 times in a row.
:'''Shaggy''': But, I--I'm like a slacker.
:'''Colton''': I don't buy that story for a second.
:'''Scooby''': Shaggy, look.
:(''Shaggy and Scooby watch the TV about Creationex Corp.'')
:'''Ricky''': ''Here at Creationex, we've been blessed with inventing clean, sustainable fusion-based energy.''
:'''Cassidy''': ''Now, my beautiful husband and I want to pass that blessing on to you by radically reducing our prices.'' (''Ricky and Cassidy kiss'')
:'''Pericles''': ''Creationex makes life better for everyone!''
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': Please, Marcie, please. Tell me what's going on?
:'''Marcie''': V, this is no time for fooling around. We're preparing for this year's Tri-state Olympiad of Science, which we have always won.
:'''Velma''': Schrodinger's cat!
:'''Marcie''': Huh? Our event is about mineral erosion. What's the many worlds interpretation of quantum physics have to do with it?
:'''Velma''': Everything! I gotta tell the gang. (''leaves'')
:'''Marcie''': That's my girl.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ethan''': Fred! Bro! You are the coolest.
:'''Gary''': Cooler than cool, the king of cool, the lord king of goal keepers.
:'''Ethan''': Those crazy talented hands of yours blocked every shot last night. Thanks for winning us the championship. You rock!
:'''Gary''': Yeah! And thanks for letting us borrow your van. You double rock! (''he and Ethan leave'')
:'''Fred''': (''looks at the white van'') This--this is my van?
:'''Fred Jones Sr.''': Galloping goalies, Fred, of course it's your van. Now, will you kindly get it off my field?
:'''Fred''': Mayor dad?
:'''Fred Jones Sr.''': You've called me a lot of things over the years, Mr. Jones, coach Jones, principal Jones, but definitely not mayor and never dad. I gotta say I like it. You know, since I never had kids of my own, I've always thought of the students here at my high school as all my kids, but you, Fred, you were always special. I've always been extra proud of you. By the way, my colleague at Miskatonic University sent this for you and your friends. (''gives the disc to Fred'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': With no actuality of wave function collapse, alternative histories and futures are real. I know why everything's different. We destroyed the Entity and by destroying it, it was as if it never existed. So, everything it touched: All the evil, all of the curse, all of the losers in rubber masks and the dumb monster attractions, none of it ever happened. By destroying the Evil Entity, we created an entirely different timeline.
:'''Daphne''': Our neighbors, our families, they've never been negatively influenced by the Evil Entity.
:'''Shaggy''': It's come undone, all of it. Our actions created a better world where we all have normal and productive lives.
:'''Daphne''': Lives that really aren't ours.
:'''Fred''': Worse than that, gang, we've created a world without mysteries.
:'''Velma''': What kind of a world doesn't have mysteries?
:'''Fred''': A world where we don't belong.
:(''The gang feels sorry'')
:'''Daphne''': What do we do now?
:'''Fred''': Well, I just got this disc from Miskatonic University. Might as well see what it is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Velma puts the disc into the laptop'')
:(''Video starts'')
:'''Harlan Ellison''': ''Harlan Ellison here. You can call me Mr. E. I know who you kids are and I know that you created an alternate timeline by destroying that Evil Entity. How do I know this? How you ask in your purblind ignorance? It's obvious as antlers on a Chihuahua. I'm a genius! All my years of writing speculative fiction has hyper tuned my psychic mnemonic connection with alternate dimensions. That's why I am able to remember every timeline ever created. And believe me, this has happened before, but you kids have slipped the time stream with me. Very rare. You're very strange. That's why I sent you this message. I've taken up residence as professor of sub-nuclear sciences at Miskatonic University. (''shows the university from the window'') I want you in my class next semester. I've already got you all admitted, even that weird dog. There's a lot of meddling to do and a lot of mysteries out there that need solving. Don't miss it.''
:(''Video ends'')
:(''The gang is surprised'')
:'''Fred''': Hold the phone!
:'''Daphne''': Jeepers!
:'''Velma''': Jinkies!
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks!
:'''Velma''': Miskatonic University? Amazing!
:'''Daphne''': But it's all the way on the other side of the country.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': How are we going to get there?
:'''Fred''': We'll drive, starting right now. And we'll stop and solve every mystery we find along the way.
:'''Scooby''': Ooh! A mystery solving road trip! Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, can we also stop and eat at every burger place and pizza joint we find along the way, too?
:'''Fred''': Absolutely. But first, we need to do something about this van.
:(''The gang starts painting the van'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(''Last lines'')
:'''Nova''': (''still possessed by the Anunnaki'') Thank you, Scooby-Doo. You are the bravest dog that ever lived.
:'''Scooby''': '''Scooby-Dooby-Doo!'''
:(''The gang drives off into the sunset'')

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
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[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Generator Rex</title>
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      <text bytes="422056" sha1="aiiy66sey7qfngt3urm7dw0lsq28lym" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created.
:''[Bussiness Man choking]''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning.
:'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave?
:'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he--
:'''Rex:''' I'm all over that.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex gasping]''
:'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy.
:'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you.
:'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him!
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
:'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman!
:'''Rex:''' Come back!
:'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious &quot;gifts&quot; sent to each of the victims.
:'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly.
:'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device.
:'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology.
:'''Six:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there?
:'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son.
:'''Rex:''' Son?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America.
:'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first.
:'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree?
:''[Biowulf scoffs]''
:'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature!
:'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle.
:'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know.
:'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister.
:'''Six:''' See anything interesting?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' Don't ask.
:'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Six:''' Answers about your  past and whether or not this Rylander has them.
:'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all.
:'''Rex:''' What's down there?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea.
:'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off.
:'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end.
:'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump!
:'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will.
:''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me.
:'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close.
:'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location.
:'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good.
:'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something!
:'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Run!
:'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine.
:'''Six:''' You've been quiet.
:'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world.
:'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White.
:'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location?
:'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch.
:'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go.
:'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it.
:'''Six:''' Is it here?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula.
:'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack.
:'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover.
:'''Rex:''' Punks.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you?
:''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' You... Know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, &quot;Rex Rylander&quot; is a goofy name, anyway.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap.
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us.
:''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]''
:''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face.
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]''
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is--
:''[Dr. Rylander gasps]''
:''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander?
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow.
:'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice.
:'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run?
:'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss?
:'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
:''[Carmen gasps]''
:'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser?
:'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre.
:'''Noah:''' What are you watching?
:'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria.
:'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia.
:'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento.
:'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days.
:'''Rex:''' Pre-wha?
:'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?!
:'''Rex:''' What's your deal?
:'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun.
:''[Noah scoffs]''
:'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math.
:'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class.
:'''Noah:''' It used to be third. 
:'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come?
:'''Noah:''' You're serious?
:'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math.
:'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming!
:'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still?
:'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa!
:''[Rex straining]''
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it?
:'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh!
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Does that work for you?
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that.
:'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great.
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew!
:''[Dock worker grunts]''
:'''Dock worker:''' What hit me?
:'''Rex:''' That would be me.
:'''Six:''' You work here?
:'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here.
:'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core.
:'''Rex:''' All this for a battery?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade.
:'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, &quot;did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought.
:'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh!
:'''Noah:''' How awesome was that?
:'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me?
:'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose!
:'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. &quot;You lose&quot;?
:'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that?
:'''Noah:''' Aah!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, &quot;did I think this plan through?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Noah!
:''[Noah growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it!
:'''Six:''' Stand down!
:'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great.
:'''Six:''' Go!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun!
:''[Rex screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem.
:'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be.
:'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive.
:''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that &quot;tex&quot; kid from Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser!
:'''Rex:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out  at night, you know.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?!
:'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too!
:'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid.
:'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' A little busy right now, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Then I'll make it quick. The active nanites Van Kleiss create are highly unstable. If Noah isn't cured soon, his condition will be permanent.
:'''Rex:''' How long do I have?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's probably different for each infected person, but I calculate less than an hour.
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you have to listen to me. If I don't change you back, this is not going to turn out well. Please. Let me help you. No! No! Thanks a lot, guys!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, I'm serious! Stop playing around!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This isn't a game, Noah! Huh. Maybe it should be. Okay, Noah. I give up! You're it! Better not be another train. All right!
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw, no.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you know? I'm &quot;it&quot; again.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, any luck?
:'''Rex:''' Yep. I got him. Stand by. This isn't going to hurt. I promise.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex?
:'''Rex:''' I'm too late. I don't believe this. My best friend's an EVO forever-- And not even a cool EVO. He's the annoying, breaks-stuff kind.
:''[Noah belches]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, it might not be Noah. Your biometrics have flat-lined.
:'''Rex:''' All that running around. He just wore me out. Did you hear that? It's me, not you.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Just give me a minute.
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, don't even-- No, no, no, no, no. No! No! I don't believe this. You really need a hobby, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I thought we could settle things without distraction. Here is as good a place as any.
:'''Rex:''' I already kicked your butt once today. Ready to go again?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' The question is, are you? It's hardly a fair fight.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Then I promised to go easy on you. What? You think I don't have my powers or something? I'm about to give you the pounding of the century! Come on, powers. Please come back! Don't you have anything better to do with your life than come after me all the time?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask.
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Alvarez:''' Did you hear that? Aah!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Alvarez!
:'''Valentina:''' He will be fine in a few hours.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Drop it.
:'''Valentina:''' I was planning to.
:''[Alvarez grunts]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' They are free.
:'''Valentina:''' Muy bueno. Providence is now at war with the Green Fist!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, doc. Are you serious? Another one? Ouch!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, this is really necessary.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The rainforest is rife with diseases, poisonous insects, and worse. I don't want you coming down with anything.
:'''White Knight:''' Is he ready to go?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' As ready as he'll ever be.
:'''Rex:''' He's wondering how come Six doesn't have to get a shot if he's also going?
:'''White Knight:''' Six is still in New Zealand, dealing with a... Small problem.
:'''Rex:''' Oh sure. Let him deal with the small stuff. While I do all the hard work.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[to Rex]'' We don't have time to wait for him. You're going solo.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey! Where he goes, I go.
:'''White Knight:''' Like I said-- Solo. Now, this Green Fist group have been stealing EVOs all over South America. We believe they will hit Corazon de Selva next.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The Providence station there has just captured a large batch of EVOs in the jungle.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo and I are ready to roll.
:'''White Knight:''' Be careful. For all we know, the Green Fist could  be selling EVOs to Van Kleiss.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm ready for carnival! Let's party!
:''[White Knight clears throat]''
:'''White Knight:''' The situation down there is... complex. I need both of you to handle the mission quietly and with diplomacy.
:'''Rex:''' I can be diplomatic. Oh, by the way, you might want to think about switching to low-fat, White. Starting to look at little... Jowly.
:'''Bobo:''' Better leave the diplomacy to the small one.
:'''Rex:''' This is the town?
:'''Bobo:''' Something tells me they're not in the mood to party. Maybe a knock-knock joke would lighten things up?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You must be Rex.
:'''Rex:''' You're Agent Martrello?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You may call me &quot;Oso&quot;, my friend.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight said to send his regards.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Maybe he could come visit sometime, get some sun, see what it's like on the front lines nowadays? ''[laughing. Then to Bobo]'' This must be the monkey. He does tricks? Hello, señor Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[puts his palm to Oso's mouth]'' That's &quot;Agent Haha&quot; to you, buddy.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Come. The station is not fair.
:'''Bobo:''' Doesn't anybody mow the grass around here?
:''[Oso Maretelo chuckles]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Often. But the jungle can only be kept at bay, not subdued.
:''[Oso Maretelo grunting]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' There we go.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Apologies. The air-conditioning is down again.
:'''Bobo:''' Makes our place look like the penthouse suite.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' But who needs air-conditioning? We're here to work! The kennel is this way. Most of these EVOs we brought in last week from deep in the jungle. A tempting target for the Green Fist.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. It's packed in here! What are you gonna do with all of them?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The big ones are shipped to larger facilities, like yours. These smaller ones stay here. They're really quite harmless, but the world wants EVOs captured, so we keep them. Oh, careful! This EVO is not like the rest. Took down six of my agents before we caught it.
:'''Rex:''' Is it really tiny or something?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' That's strange. He was here this morning, he can't have escaped. Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Peekaboo.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yah!
:'''Rex:''' You all right there, buddy?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I think you've both earned that cold drink you wanted.
:'''Rex:''' See? This gig isn't so bad. Cold drinks, fringe benefits.
:'''Bobo:''' It's on the fringe, all right, but I don't see the benefit.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Drink, Agent Haha. Horchata, the rice milk, is good for you. Besides... It's all they serve here.
:'''Rex:''' I think it's pretty good, but how come we can't get any service?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' We're Providence. All they know is when there's trouble, Providence is there. Our relationship with them is, uh, complex.
:'''Rex:''' Complex? We protect them from EVOs. You know, this calls for a little diplomacy.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother.
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me.
:'''Waitress:''' ¿Sí?
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Uh...
:''[Waitress chuckles]''
:'''Waitress:''' You don't look like the usual Providence soldiers.
:'''Rex:''' That's 'cause I'm not. Name's Rex. Maybe you've seen me on the news?
:'''Waitress:''' No.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, what's that?
:'''Waitress:''' The horchata anejo. It's aged. Muy sabrosa.
:'''Rex:''' I'll take a pitcher of that.
:'''Waitress:''' We only make one pitcher a night. They have it.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, mind if I try some?
:'''Valentina:''' It's too strong for you, gringo.
:'''Rex:''' Gringo? So Mexicano!
:'''Valentina:''' Y tambien eres Providencia. Okay. Let's see if you can handle it.
:'''Rex:''' Gracias.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex gulps]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! That's good! Smooth!
:''[Rex gagging]''
:''[Oso Maratelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[after taking a drink]'' I don't get what makes it so special.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' It's made from rice that's passed through the digestive system of a monkey.
:''[Rex spits his drink]''
:''[Valentina growls]''
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Woman gasps]''
:''[Woman grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Woman:''' Aah!
:'''Old Man:''' Aah!
:'''Man:''' Aah!
:'''Biruta:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I can't use my EVO powers against them! I don't want to hurt these people!
:'''Bobo:''' I wish they felt the same about us!
:'''Rex:''' Oso, you know how to use one of those?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The lariat? Oh, yes. I grew up roping steer on my Uncle's Rancho.
:'''Bobo:''' Rex!
:'''Biruta:''' El es un EVO!
:''[Valentina sighs]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' So, what do you think of that? Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Waitress:''' ''[tossing Rex, Bobo and Martello out the bar]'' You are like the other Providence agents-- Bad for business!
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' This is where diplomacy gets you, my young friend. Now, are you up for a stakeout?
:'''Bobo:''' Not me! I'm out of with this town and these ungrateful people. I'm going home.
:'''Rex:''' But, Bobo, we need you for a special undercover mission?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Please, Agent Haha. You are the key to the entire operation.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah? Well, you could have said that before.
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Biruta:''' Quiet! I'm trying to free you from Providence!
:'''Bobo:''' I am Providence, dummy.
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' These toys of yours-- They're for children!
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Who're you working for?
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' You?! Horchata girl?! What do you think you're doing?!
:'''Valentina:''' I'm feeding all your prisoners, creep!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Scratch marks? Weird. What the heck did this?
:''[Valentina screams]''
:'''Valentina:''' Huh? Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Take a number! I have business with the señorita first. Aah!
:''[Valentina grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hyah!
:'''Valentina:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, and stay down!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, you okay?
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I feel... fine. I hope Holiday gave me a shop or whatever that was.
:'''Valentina:''' For the last time, we don't work for Van Kleiss! The Green Fist fights for the EVOs who cannot fight for themselves. We set them free-- Nothing more.
:''[Bobo snorts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Just what we need-- Humans for ethical treatment of EVOs.
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! ''[to Rex]'' You're a traitor to your own kind!
:'''Rex:''' That thing you set free-- It's natural order is to exterminate mankind! It wanted to kill you! Your men are dying because of it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I wish I had better news.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks anyway, doc. We'll call with updates.
:'''Bobo:''' What did she say?
:'''Rex:''' The nanites in my system are fighting off the toxin, but that's only slowing it down. We need to make an anti-toxin, or-- or...
:'''Valentina:''' Or se va a morir!
:'''Bobo:''' In English! In English!
:'''Rex:''' It's doing to me what it's done to Valentina's men. If we don't get the anti-toxin soon, they'll die, and, eventually, I will, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Think I liked it better in Spanish.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' If I can get a blood sample of that EVO with this, it'll beam its DNA sequence back to Holiday and she'll be able to instantly synthesize an anti-toxin.
:'''Rex:''' I want to go.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You're sick.
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'm better equipped than any agent you have, and you know it.
:''[Oso Maretelo sighs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Very well. You'll come with me and a team of my best men.
:'''Valentina:''' You're killing him if you do that. Listen, you need me, Providence man. I know that jungle better than anyone. Your big, noisy party will alert that EVO. You won't get within a mile of it. My men are dying, too. Let me free!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You think I'm going to let you just walk out of here alone?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm going, too.
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Anything yet?
:'''Rex:''' Nothing.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, once you get the sample of the EVO's blood for the anti-toxin, I'll pick you up in the jump jet. White Knight wants you sticking to his orders, nothing more-- Capture the EVO and bring back the prisoner.
:'''Rex:''' Gotcha.
:'''Valentina:''' Orders? Prisoners? You wonder why we're suspicious of Providence.
:'''Rex:''' We're protecting people. What we're doing is good. I believe that.
:'''Valentina:''' You think I don't believe in what I do? Who decides who's right-- Your White Knight?
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Rex:''' All we found out here are goats from the village-- At least what's left of them.
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Valentina:''' You all right?
:'''Rex:''' I'm fine. Let's just hope this trap works.
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Bobo:''' ''[to the creature]'' Hey, pal, didn't anybody tell you the trap's over there? Aah!
:'''Valentina:''' We've caught him!
:'''Bobo:''' No! You caught me! Big difference!
:'''Rex:''' Aaah! That's it. No more running. Hyah! Ahh! Okay, time for more running!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Ahh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Adiós! Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' The toxins are breaking down my nanites!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Valentina:''' Over here! Come and get me!
:'''Rex:''' Don't! It'll kill you! :'''Valentina:''' You're too ill to fight it!
:'''Rex:''' Look, put down the flower basket and trust me.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' On my signal. Come on. Don't you want a nice Rex burger for breakfast? Not yet. Not yet. Now!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Valentina:''' You caught it. You've saved my men.
:'''Rex:''' We caught it... Together. First my cure... Now his. I don't believe it. This thing... It isn't an EVO.
:'''Valentina:''' The fangs, the toxin... The goat! Of course! How could I have been so blind? This animal is a chupacabra!
:'''Rex:''' Chupacabra? Isn't that a myth, like bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster?
:'''Valentina:''' I thought it was only a legend, too.
:'''Rex:''' Providence must have come blundering onto its home turf and captured it.
:'''Valentina:''' So... What will you do?
:'''Rex:''' Only one option, as far as I see it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Go on. Get! Get!
:'''Valentina:''' There are things in this jungle stranger than EVOs and older than man.
:'''Rex:''' Well, as long as they stay here, we won't have anymore problems. Doc, did the sample beam through okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm synthesizing the anti-toxin right now. It'll be at the base by the time Oso picks you up.
:'''Rex:''' He'll be here soon with the jump set. You better get going.
:'''Valentina:''' Your orders were to bring me back.
:'''Rex:''' I don't always follow orders.
:'''Valentina:''' Thank you. This still doesn't make up for spitting the horchata in my face.
:'''Bobo:''' Ooh, slick. If it was me, I would have kissed her.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The anti-toxin will have you back to normal within the hour. Now, what happened with the woman?
:'''Rex:''' She, uh, got away.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I see. You're learning, my friend. It's complex. A woman like that-- It makes our problems with EVOs seem simple, no?
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Safe journey, my friends. I hope to see you again.
:'''Bobo:''' That makes one of us.
:'''Waitress:''' Wait! For your trip!
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Gracias. How'd I earn this?
:'''Waitress:''' I heard what you did. The chupacabra-- It stole my abuela's goat. Providence is going to buy her a new one. Thank you.
:''[Waitress smooches]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, if that's all it took to make you happy, we would have run off with the goat when we first came to town. Aah! Aw! Some thanks!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]''
: '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño?
: ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]''
: ''[Rex runs]''
: ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]''
: '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú?
: '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban?
: '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes.
: '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town?
: '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise.
: '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember.
: ''[Rex righs]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]''
: ''[Esteban chuckling]''
: '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo?
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]''
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going.
: '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning.
: '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute.
: ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]''
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her &quot;abuela&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]''
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses.
: ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]''
: ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar.
: ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]''
: '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo?
: '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that?
: '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here?
: '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in?
: '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]''
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first.
: ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]''
: ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]''
: '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast?
: ''[Rex immediately wakes up]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yo!
: ''[Rex drops off the table]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ouch!
: ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]''
: '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook.
: '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist.
: '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night?
: '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors.
: '''Rex:''' I thought you always--
: '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother.
: '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you.
: ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]'
: '''Rex:''' Mmph!
: '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family.
: '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here?
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner.
: '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs.
: '''Federico:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up?
: '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake?
: '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little.
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!
: '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that?
: '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies.
: '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that.
: '''Federico:''' Lucky you.
: '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you.
: '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners.
: '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity.
: '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business.
: '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse.
: '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again.
: '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself.
: '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry.
: '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela?
: '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner.
: '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast.
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family!
: '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night?
: '''Federico:''' Pretty much.
: ''[Rex chuckling]''
: ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro?
: ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]''
: '''Federico:''' Not anymore.
: ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad.
: '''Abuela:''' Come, children!
: ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here.
: ''[Rex notices Frederico]''
: '''Federico:''' See you in the morning.
: ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in!
: '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night!
: '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30!
: ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either!
: ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]''
: '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem.
: ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]''
: '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]''
: '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down?
: '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders?
: '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down!                       
: '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]''
: '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend--
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait!
: '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex?
: '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela--
: '''Abuela:''' I know.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico!
: '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico!
: '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I?
: '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting.
: '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house.
: '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore!
: '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know.
: '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs!
: '''Abuela:''' They're just boys.
: '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today!
: '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me.
: '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere!
: '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us.
: '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis.
: '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh?
: '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene.
: '''Federico:''' Can you cure it?
: '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you?
: '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form.
: '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home.
: '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us?
: '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know.
: '''Rex:''' But Providence can help.
: '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt.
: '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home.
: '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family.
: '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out.
: '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here?
: '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al!
: '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much?
: '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box.
: ''[Federico chuckles]''
: '''Federico:''' Is that Providence?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is.
: '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex.
: '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball!
: '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once.
: '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here?
: '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him.
: '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them?
: '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me.
: '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me!
: '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go.
: '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat.
: '''Federico:''' Now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here?
: ''[Hunter Cain grunts]''
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one.
: '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf.
: '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation.
: '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight.
: '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying.
: '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements--
: '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason.
: '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise.
: '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target!
: '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out!
: '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm!
: '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside.
: '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down.
: '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family.
: '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover.
: '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them!
: '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh!
: '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Your turn.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites.
: '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest.
: '''Rex:''' AAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment.
: '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say &quot;okay&quot; next time? You're still here?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it.
: '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo.
: '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out.
: '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Caesar:''' That's more like it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you.
: '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way!
: '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to.
: '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you?
: '''Rex:''' I think you should be.
: ''[Hunter Cain spits]''
: '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back.
: '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting.
: '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros?
: '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives.
: '''Rex:''' La familia!
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!

===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': ''[sarcasm]'' But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. ''[after Rex gets disconnected]'' It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... ''[tosses Rex a sack]'' This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''':  ''[opening the sack to find his ball]'' Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Black Knight reactivates Mel's control]'' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Long pause as Rex sees the new HQ]'' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super-secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[White enters]'' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, have rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... If we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- Can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
: '''Rex:''' Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to.
: '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma.
: '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine.
: '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember?
: '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went.
: '''Ben:''' I can do that.
: '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up.
: '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that.
: '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the  ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates  he came through that rift without any.
: '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free.
: '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here.
: '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that.
: '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove--
: '''Rex:''' Quit talking!
: '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here.
: '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest.
: '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help.
: '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you.
: '''Rex:''' I got this.
: '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids.
: '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from?
: '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no.
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up.
: '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted.
: '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it.
: '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything!
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other.
: '''Ben:''' You... do that? What's that sound?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Ben:''' You okay?
:'''Rex:''' No. Definitely not okay. It took my Omega nanite, and I think I know what I wants.
:'''Alpha-Omega:''' Behold, organics... The beginning and the end of all things. I am Alpha-Omega. This is the twilight of humanity. Alpha-Omega destroys all.
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unfortunately, yes. We're not looking at random destruction. Alpha is synthesizing the matter around him to build his own nanite.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks to my Omega nanite.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This isn't your fault, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Sure feels like it. I woke up this morning on top of the world. Now I'm about to witness the end of it. Six was right.
:'''Ben:''' I don't think this is how it was meant to play out. I've seen what you can do.
:'''Rex:''' My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt, and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just... isn't enough?
:'''Ben:''' You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:''[Transforms into Upgrade]''
:'''Rex:'''  Hey! What are you-- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa! Okay. That feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Whoa! What supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Aah! Ohh! Don't do that! You're freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade:''' Build something!
:'''Rex:''' ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sa-weet! So, what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade:''' You build stuff, I make it better, fight, fight, fight, we win!
:'''Rex:''' Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' WHOO-HOO!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Ye-e-e-ah!
:'''Upgrade:''' Nice shot, Rex! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!
:''[Alpha-Omega screams]''
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex and Ben:''' Aah! Oof!
:''[Rex and Ben groaning]''
:'''Rex:''' We need a direct hit on the Alpha.
:'''Ben:''' More insults? I've got a good one.
:'''Rex:''' I've got an idea, but you have to trust me. When I fire, you've got to make your roly-poly thing.
:'''Ben:''' You're not thinking of--
:'''Rex:''' Yup.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't that dangerous?
:'''Rex:''' Probably.
:'''Ben:''' On three?
:'''Rex:''' I've officially decided I like you, monster guy.
:'''Ben:''' Same here, robot kid. One--
:'''Rex:''' Two-- Three!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' WOO-HOO! Yeah! Oh, yeah! He shoots! He scores! WHOO! And the crowd goes wild!
:''[Rex imitates crowd cheering]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, there, little nanite brothers. Where do you think you're going? Alpha's not the only one who can tell you what to do.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't your Omega Nanite going to be in there, too?
:'''Caesar:''' I'll handle that. Where are you, little guy? Got it! Look! It worked!
:'''Ben:''' And that, my friend, is how you save the world.
:'''Caesar:''' Very clever, little brother. The density of this sphere is over thirty grams per centimeter cubed. It would be extremely difficult for Alpha to slip through the molecules of this, assuming it survived compaction. We need to get rid of it.
:'''Rex:''' Caesar, wait!
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, I wasn't fully able to repair the Void gun. I'm not sure how long my repairs will hold before it discharges. We only get one shot at this, and we have to do it fast. It's now or never, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' How are you going to carry it? That thing must weigh ten tons!
:'''Ben:''' I'm not going to carry it.
:'''Upchuck:''' Let's do this again someday.
:''[Upchuck munching]''
:''[Upchuck gulping]''
:'''Rex:''' Wow! That's just-- Wow! Six?
:'''Bobo:''' He's gone.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Weakly]'' Gone?
:'''Bobo:''' To the little ninja's room.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's going to be fine, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' He is?! All right! Yes! Oh, man, I knew it! I knew the whole time!
:''[Rex laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' I mean... cool. I'm glad you're alive!
:'''Six:''' Me too.
:'''Rex:''' I was so scared, Six. I've never done anything so hard in all my life. I really thought the world was going to end, And then I totally kicked butt!
:'''Six:''' I hear you had a little help.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, when his monster watch wasn't conked out. Ben was a cool kid. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With infinite dimensions, the math doesn't work in your favor, Rex.
:'''Bobo:''' Math-- The enemy of all things good.
:'''Six:''' Although-- The cosmos works in mysterious ways. I think certain people are meant to meet, to fight side by side, to be friends. You may see one another sooner than you think.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Caesar?! How did you...?
:'''Caesar:''' Okay. Before White Knight comes looking for me here, one last piece of unfinished business.
:'''Rex:''' You're sure this is the Omega, right? I mean, you didn't grab the Alpha by mistake?
:'''Caesar:''' 100% certain. Well, actually 99.998%. Nothing is 100%.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.

===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh--
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands.
: '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival.
: '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look!
: '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks!
: '''Rex:''' No, look!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone!
: '''Rex:''' Pull over.
: '''Noah:''' You know that guy?
: '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one.
: '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature.
: '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh.
: '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh?
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway.
: '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins.
: '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin?
: '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies?
: '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?!
: '''Noah:''' So, what's--
: '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on?
: '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on?
: '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened?
: '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins.
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat!
: '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him.
: '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it!
: '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me!
: '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line.
: ''[Feakins gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too?
: '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went.
: '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too.
: '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep.
: '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake?
: '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either.
: '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. 
: '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself.
: '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what &quot;clean&quot; means! Can you believe that guy!
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed?
: '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about.
: '''Black Knight:''' Speak.
: '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them.
: '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them!
: '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it.
: '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky!
: '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention.
: '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one?
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake?
: '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy.
: '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick.
: '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby--
: ''[Noah groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Wait.
: ''[Feakins sneezes]''
: '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic!
: '''Rex:''' Hang on!
: '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing.
: '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me!
: '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go!
: '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car?
: '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train.
: '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes!
: ''[Feakins laughs]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around.
: '''Noah:''' What are you talking about?
: '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender!
: '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut?
: '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream.
: '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream?
: '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that?
: '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you.
: '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power!
: '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else.
: '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place.
: '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Black Knight?
: '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn!
: '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up.
: '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know.
: '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?!
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here.
: '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible.
: '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means &quot;Noah&quot; has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying?
: '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target.
: '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up!
: '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you!
: '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore.
: '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked.
: '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa!
: '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover.
: '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on!
: '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart.
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Sit tight.
: '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go?
: '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Noah:''' Rex!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Providence Agent screams]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me!
: '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What?
: '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go!
: '''Noah:''' It's too late.
: '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual?
: '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone.
: '''Rex:''' What just happened?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight.
: '''Noah:''' So, that's it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too.
: ''[Feakins farting]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay.
: '''Rex:''' You got that right!
: '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult.
: '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad.
: '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you!
: ''[Black Knight sighs]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex.

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too.
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
: '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever.
: ''[Rex chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Get it? &quot;Root&quot;? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her!
: '''Circe:''' Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help.
: '''Biowulf:''' I will listen.
: '''Rex:''' Great, because--
: '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat.
: ''[Biowulf growls]''
: ''[Rex spits]''
: '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source.
: '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area.
: '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber?
: '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there.
: '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here.
: '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough!
: '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it.
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare.
: '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place.
: '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere.
: '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded.
: '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back.
: '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter?
: '''Rex:''' Easy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack.
: '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that?
: '''Circe:''' No. Hear what?
: '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there--
: '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back.
: '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging.
: '''Circe:''' What is it?
: '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?!
: '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing!
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long.
: '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here?
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer.
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon.
: '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do.
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: ''[Circe gasping]''
: '''Circe:''' So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh!
: '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What, then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece.
: ''[Skalamander growling]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down.
: ''[Skalamander grunting]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us!
: '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am.
: '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way.
: '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab.
: '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify.
: '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar!
: '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance.
: '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon.
: '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise.
: '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you.
: '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots.
: ''[Biowulf sighs]''
: '''Biowulf:''' Very well.
: '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right?
: '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place?
: '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river.
: '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda.
: '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time.
: '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex!
: '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I--
: ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then--
: '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here!
: '''Rex:''' No! I promised you!
: '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them.
: '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you.
: ''[Circe gasps]''
: ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites?
: '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first.
: '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece?
: '''White Knight:''' Not yet.

===Remote Control===
: '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas.
: '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around.
: '''Bobo:''' After you.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again.
: '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time.
: '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex?
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way!
: ''[Skwydd grunts]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink.
: '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex.
: '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us.
: '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna--
: '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that?
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm.
: '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna--
: '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ?
: '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry?
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry.
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]''
: '''Cricket:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief?
: '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive?
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue.
: '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it.
: '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck?
: '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow!
: '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too.
: '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go?
: '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think.
: '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum--
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads?
: '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job?
: '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job.
: '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up.
: '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more.
: '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around.
: '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in.
: '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that?
: '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me.
: '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you!
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me!
: '''Cricket:''' Ugh!
: ''[Cricket sighs]''
: '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it.
: '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you?
: '''Cricket:''' They're getting away.
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
: '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great.
: '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it.
: '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go!
: '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup.
: '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in?
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
: '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this--
: '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you.
: '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex! No!
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex!
: '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you?
: ''[Cricket gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop!
: '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry.
: '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual.
: '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon.
: '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird.
: '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all!
: '''Rex:''' We'll see.
: '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu?
: '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys.
: '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say--
: ''[Quarry chuckles]''
: '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards.
: '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids!
: '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never!
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do.
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go!
: '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape!
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ!
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza.
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh!
: '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay!
: '''Cricket:''' No tongues!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Rex:''' Hyah!
: ''[Quarry laughs evilly]''
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Quarry:''' What?
: ''[Quarry straining]''
: '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the &quot;off&quot; switch? Bingo.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay.
: '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened?
: '''Cricket:''' Rex happened.
: '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here.
: '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again.
: '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite?
: '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action?
: '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat.
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off?
: '''Tuck:''' Not &quot;we.&quot; &quot;You.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest.
: '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime?
: '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army.
: '''Tuck:''' You can say that again.
: '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah.
: '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm!
: '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move!

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: ''[Circe sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the Pack?
: '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: ''[Circe yawns]''
: '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it.
: '''Six''': Providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me--
: '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them!
: '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational!
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master-Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master-Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today!
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
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[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]</text>
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This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Any man who runs from his past will surely forfeit his future. The time has come to see what you created.
:''[Bussiness Man choking]''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' And this is only the beginning.
:'''Rex:''' Hey! What's the rush?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Easy now!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Did I say you could leave?
:'''Six:''' Rex, deactivate his nanites before he--
:'''Rex:''' I'm all over that.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex gasping]''
:'''Bussiness Man:''' Please, don't let him hurt me again.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, don't look at me. I barely touched the guy.
:'''Six:''' Calm down. We're here to help you.
:'''Bussiness Man:''' He said it was just the beginning. You have to stop him!
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy. Somebody's a few tacos short of a fiesta platter.
:'''Business Man:''' H-he is a madman. A madman!
:'''Rex:''' Come back!
:'''White Knight:''' Our most recent EVO incident was not an isolated event. Similar outbreaks have been reported over the past twenty-four hours-- All linked to these mysterious &quot;gifts&quot; sent to each of the victims.
:'''Rex:''' Talk about your sucky presents, like socks for Christmas.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The mechanism delivers a substance that activates latent nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but that dude changed back before I could shut him down. How'd that happen?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' From what I can tell, the victims were only exposed to a low dose designed to wear off quickly.
:'''Six:''' There has to be a motive. Was our victim able to tell you anything?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No. Complete mental collapse. He's too far gone. But we recovered a partial fingerprint from the device.
:'''White Knight:''' It belongs to evolutionary biologist Dr. Gabriel Rylander. He was a leading expert in nanotechnology.
:'''Six:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''White Knight:''' No one's seen or heard from him since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up. Are you saying this guy was there?
:'''White Knight:''' We have no evidence of that. But following the event, Rylander vanished-- Along with his wife and young son.
:'''Rex:''' Son?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Analysis of the nanite agent turned up trace elements of a rare plant found only in South America.
:'''White Knight:''' Thermal imaging has located what appears to be a fortified compound, and that's exactly where intelligence reports Van Kleiss is heading, which means you will be, too. We expect the target to be heavily defended. Six, your team will handle the initial covert assault to recover the nanite agent and Dr. Rylander. If Van Kleiss really is after the same target, you better hope you get there first.
:'''Jungle Cat:''' The path is clear, Van Kleiss. I'll continue ahead.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our newest member of the pack seems to be working out well, wouldn't you agree?
:''[Biowulf scoffs]''
:'''Biowulf:''' You should have stayed in Abysus, master. Even with this suit and soil from home, your powers are weak.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is no ordinary errand, Biowulf. An old friend has just announced his return. Dr. Rylander's calling card to the Consortium offers an interesting prospect-- A limitless supply of active nanites. All that power-- Anytime-- Anywhere.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Got any idea where they keep the bug spray on this rust bucket? ''[swatting flies]'' Ah, stupid stinkin' nature!
:'''Rex:''' You're a monkey. It's the jungle.
:'''Bobo:''' Lemme tell ya somethin', chief. The jungle's a cruel mistress. One day, you're at the top of banana pile. Next day, you're a pile of peels rottin' in the sun. She'll chew ya up and spit ya out. Never forget that! Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' O-kay, then. Good to know.
:'''Six:''' I understand your point, doctor, but the fact remains we've got no idea what Rylander's agenda is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His motives don't make his research any less valuable. If I can get my hands on that nanite agent, I might be able to reverse-engineer a permanent cure. Think about what that could mean to the world, for the EVOs Rex can't cure... Like my sister.
:'''Six:''' See anything interesting?
:'''Bobo:''' ''[in distance]'' Never forget!
:'''Rex:''' Don't ask.
:'''Six:''' Listen, Rex, this mission-- I need to make sure your head is in the game.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Six:''' Answers about your  past and whether or not this Rylander has them.
:'''Rex:''' ''[scoffs]'' Whatever. You know, if he does, he does. If he doesn't, no big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Six:''' It's just that... Sometimes knowing the truth can be worse than not knowing at all.
:'''Rex:''' What's down there?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' No idea.
:'''Bobo:''' Whatever it is, it's got company! Show-off.
:'''Rex:''' Sushi-boat special coming up!
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Holiday, get us out of here-- Now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a dead end.
:'''Six:''' Full throttle. Head for the shoreline. Rex! Jump!
:'''Rex:''' Amazon river-- Never a dull moment.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander's welcoming committee, no doubt. Gentlemen, if you will.
:''[Skalamander and Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It's fortunate there are other ways to sustain me.
:'''Six:''' Guardian drone. We must be getting close.
:'''Rex:''' Impressive observation, there, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Previous electromagnetic imaging puts the compound in this general region, but something's jamming the frequency now. I can't get an exact location.
:'''Rex:''' That way. Oh, yeah. I'm just that good.
:'''Bobo:''' When you find me an ice-cold drink in this miserable armpit, I'll eat your ticks.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Preparing to cut through some vines]'' I got this. You protect Holiday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday cuts through the vines]'' Worry about yourselves! Howler monkeys. They're going to give away our location.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo! Do something!
:'''Bobo:''' Like I speak howler monkey? Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Run!
:'''Rex:''' I'll try and shut it down.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you okay?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Hey... You know me. A day without getting blown up is like a day without sunshine.
:'''Six:''' You've been quiet.
:'''Rex:''' All right, I've been thinking about it, okay? This Dr. Rylander may finally be proof I'm not alone in this world.
:'''Six:''' And if it's not? I just don't want you to be disappointed. Six to White.
:'''White Knight:''' What's your status? Have you found the location?
:'''Six:''' Affirmative. But it seems we've been beaten to the punch.
:'''White Knight:''' Understood. Captain Calan... You have a go.
:'''Biwoulf:''' It should be here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Your eyes deceive you, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:''' Should have been aiming at you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ahh. Providence at last. Traveling light, I see.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, we're just here to find the place. They're here to secure it.
:'''Six:''' Is it here?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Destroy them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The compound's surrounded by a force field.
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't secure that base, we will take it out.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't lose that formula.
:'''Six:''' Rex, get in there. We'll hold off the pack.
:'''Rex:''' Please don't blow me up.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, you are in no condition for battle. Seek cover.
:'''Rex:''' Punks.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[From behind Rex with a gun]'' Don't move, or I'll drop you. Rex? Is-- Is that you?
:''[Dr. Rylander hugs Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' You... Know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[Laughing]'' Of course I do! I gave it to you! I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, haven't you? Not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Yes. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Okay. So, if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Ah, well, &quot;Rex Rylander&quot; is a goofy name, anyway.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Come quickly. We don't have much time. I was so close to completing the code. There's been a problem with the molecular penetration, resulting in a sequencing gap.
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand-- It was never about power or greed. It was about changing the world-- Saving mankind by putting and end to disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded... Until they got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch-- The first, actually. All those... Innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Hm. The chosen few. Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I begged them for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked was... They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to show them what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. You're living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Indignant]'' By turning me into an EVO?!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was a tremendous gamble. The... Unexpected side effects came later. It was a surprise to all of us.
:''[Dr. Rylander chuckles]''
:''Dr. Rylander:''' The look on your brother's face.
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the event occurred, it was yo powers that saved you both. Most of the others-- They weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:''[Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system]''
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' Enough, okay?! Do you have any idea what it's been like-- Not knowing who I am, if my family's dead or alive?! Quit with the rambling mad-scientist act and give me some answers!
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I've been so consumed with my own guilt, I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is--
:''[Dr. Rylander gasps]''
:''[Van Kleiss stabs Rylander from behind]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty, for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research... Alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me, and you lose everything.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Six:''' Rex. Where's Rylander?
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Six:''' The reactor is shot. This entire place is about to blow.
:'''Bobo:''' Don't have to tell me twice.
:'''Biowulf:''' Why do they run?
:'''Skalamander:''' Where is Van Kleiss?
:'''Six:''' No, I didn't see what happened. But according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, doc. I've got a brother.... Out there... Somewhere. I'm not alone anymore. Finally, I've started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most EVOs aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[Chuckling]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy-- Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it-- We pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what-- I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more. If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
:''[Carmen gasps]''
:'''Carmen:''' Madre! Estas viva! Como puede ser?
:'''Carmen's mother:''' No querida. Soy la prima gemela diabolica de tu madre.
:'''Noah:''' What are you watching?
:'''Rex:''' Cultural enrichment! Later on, we find out if Dr. Suarez chooses Isabel, or her evil half sister, Ana Maria.
:'''Carmen:''' Pero, como va supremivir esto nuesta familia.
:'''Carmen's mother:''' Con mucho dolor, vengaza y arrepentimiento.
:'''Noah:''' If you're gonna stay with me while they're rebuilding Providence, at least don't flaunt the fact that you don't have a pre-calculus test in three days.
:'''Rex:''' Pre-wha?
:'''Noah:''' Exactly my point. And when I agreed to this, I wasn't expecting the sidekick, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, pally, we're a package deal. Live with it.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah:''' Was that a toenail? Can I just get hit by a toenail?!
:'''Rex:''' What's your deal?
:'''Noah:''' Aah! Get one in my mouth! Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Okay, that is gross. Bobo, bad monkey. I thought this would be fun.
:''[Noah scoffs]''
:'''Noah:''' For you, maybe. I'll get a real life, too, you know. As much as I want it to be, it can't be all fun and games all the time, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Why not? Worse for me.
:'''Noah:''' Hey, I like adventure as much as the next guy, but I still have to pass math.
:'''Rex:''' You're not going to fail math. You have like the fourth highest GPA in your class.
:'''Noah:''' It used to be third. 
:'''Rex:''' And ten years from now, nobody's going to care. Hey doc, miss me? Huh? Oh. A situation. Really? Awesome! Nope. I'm not doing anything. Be right there. I'm gonna go pound some EVO into submission. Wanna come?
:'''Noah:''' You're serious?
:'''Rex:''' No. That would be you. Have fun with that math.
:'''Noah:''' Save the world or a chance at a scholarship? All right! I'm coming!
:'''Rex:''' Now see? It's a lot more fun when you just let go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you hold that thing still?
:'''Rex:''' Dibs! That's a whole lot of agents for one EVO, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They weren't here for the EVO. That ship is carrying the new power core for Providence headquarters. This thing just happened to show up when we started to offload it.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunting]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa!
:''[Rex straining]''
:'''Rex:''' Van Kleiss!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Did you see the mark? Van Kleiss made that one.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why else do you think I've been trying to get a sample from it?
:'''Rex:''' I don't know-- Just being science-y? Ugh!
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Yeah!
:'''Rex:''' Does that work for you?
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It'll do. Got it. We can cure it now.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Aah!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Unless you like getting thrown around like that.
:'''Noah:''' No hurry. This is great.
:'''Bobo and Noah:''' Ew!
:''[Dock worker grunts]''
:'''Dock worker:''' What hit me?
:'''Rex:''' That would be me.
:'''Six:''' You work here?
:'''Dock worker:''' What do you think, mister? Ahh, my back.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Sorry. Was trying, you know, not to die. If he works at the dock, that must mean Van Kleiss was here.
:'''Noah:''' Actually, I think he still is.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They're after the power core.
:'''Rex:''' All this for a battery?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not just a battery. It could fuel a country the size of Abysus for a decade.
:'''Rex:''' And it was going to be underneath my room?! Excuse me. Out of the way! Coming through! I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking. Here's what I bet you're thinking, &quot;did we really think this plan through? Was using some poor dude as a decoy the best move?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I suppose only time will tell. Not as strong as you thought.
:'''Rex:''' Not yet. That time I really thought I had it, okay? Ohh!
:'''Noah:''' How awesome was that?
:'''Rex:''' What part-- You clobbering Van Kleiss or Van Kleiss clobbering me?
:'''Noah:''' Well, both, actually.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on. I need a second to think of a really good dig.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Why are you smiling? We just owned you. It's over, Van Kleiss. You lose!
:'''Noah:''' That was the best you could come up with. &quot;You lose&quot;?
:'''Rex:''' That one didn't count. He caught me off guard with the whole smiling thing, okay?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'd be wise to consider delaying your celebration for the moment, Rex. You're about to have your hands quite full.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, really? And how do you figure that?
:'''Noah:''' Aah!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Here's the part where you must be thinking, &quot;did I think this plan through?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Noah!
:''[Noah growls]''
:'''Rex:''' Are you nuts?! Stop it!
:'''Six:''' Stand down!
:'''Rex:''' Take it easy, Noah. You're going to be okay. This will all be over in a second. Great. Just great.
:'''Six:''' Go!
:'''Rex:''' Noah, if you can still understand me, when I said you should let things go, this isn't exactly what I meant.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Headache. It should be about balance, you know? Take care of the important stuff, but leave room for a little fun. Right now! Too much fun!
:''[Rex screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Wh-o-o-o-oa! Everything's fine. Not a problem.
:'''Six:''' If you can't stop him, it's going to be.
:'''Rex:''' You know, Six, you really need to learn to think positive.
:''[Diane Farrah and Reporter gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Stupid grin. It's like it's all just a game to him.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I know you!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, uh, thanks, but--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' You're that &quot;tex&quot; kid from Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Oh, Rex. Ma'am, this really isn't--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' I have a bone to pick with Providence. Do you realize how awful it's been?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex:''' Funny story, he's actually my friend, so as soon as I can catch him--
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Every single night, someone moves my glasses. I leave them on the nightstand, and when I wake up, they're on the dresser!
:'''Rex:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' There's got to be an EVO in my house. Some of them only come out  at night, you know.
:'''Rex:''' Uh-huh.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' Now, I keep calling you people, but no one will give me the time of day over there. So, you tell me-- How am I supposed to feel safe when there is an EVO in my apartment?!
:'''Rex:''' Here. First number on speed dial.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' He's eating the cat food, too!
:'''Bobo:''' That friend of yours is a walking disaster. I'm starting to like the kid.
:'''Six:''' We'll get this. Go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' A little busy right now, doc.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Then I'll make it quick. The active nanites Van Kleiss create are highly unstable. If Noah isn't cured soon, his condition will be permanent.
:'''Rex:''' How long do I have?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's probably different for each infected person, but I calculate less than an hour.
:'''Rex:''' Noah, you have to listen to me. If I don't change you back, this is not going to turn out well. Please. Let me help you. No! No! Thanks a lot, guys!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, I'm serious! Stop playing around!
:''[Rex screams]''
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' This isn't a game, Noah! Huh. Maybe it should be. Okay, Noah. I give up! You're it! Better not be another train. All right!
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Aw, no.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you know? I'm &quot;it&quot; again.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, any luck?
:'''Rex:''' Yep. I got him. Stand by. This isn't going to hurt. I promise.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex?
:'''Rex:''' I'm too late. I don't believe this. My best friend's an EVO forever-- And not even a cool EVO. He's the annoying, breaks-stuff kind.
:''[Noah belches]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Actually, Rex, it might not be Noah. Your biometrics have flat-lined.
:'''Rex:''' All that running around. He just wore me out. Did you hear that? It's me, not you.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' Just give me a minute.
:''[Noah roaring]''
:'''Rex:''' Noah, don't even-- No, no, no, no, no. No! No! I don't believe this. You really need a hobby, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I thought we could settle things without distraction. Here is as good a place as any.
:'''Rex:''' I already kicked your butt once today. Ready to go again?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' The question is, are you? It's hardly a fair fight.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. Then I promised to go easy on you. What? You think I don't have my powers or something? I'm about to give you the pounding of the century! Come on, powers. Please come back! Don't you have anything better to do with your life than come after me all the time?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Funny you should ask.
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging EVO is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Alvarez:''' Did you hear that? Aah!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Alvarez!
:'''Valentina:''' He will be fine in a few hours.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Drop it.
:'''Valentina:''' I was planning to.
:''[Alvarez grunts]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' They are free.
:'''Valentina:''' Muy bueno. Providence is now at war with the Green Fist!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, doc. Are you serious? Another one? Ouch!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, this is really necessary.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The rainforest is rife with diseases, poisonous insects, and worse. I don't want you coming down with anything.
:'''White Knight:''' Is he ready to go?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' As ready as he'll ever be.
:'''Rex:''' He's wondering how come Six doesn't have to get a shot if he's also going?
:'''White Knight:''' Six is still in New Zealand, dealing with a... Small problem.
:'''Rex:''' Oh sure. Let him deal with the small stuff. While I do all the hard work.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[to Rex]'' We don't have time to wait for him. You're going solo.
:'''Bobo:''' Hey! Where he goes, I go.
:'''White Knight:''' Like I said-- Solo. Now, this Green Fist group have been stealing EVOs all over South America. We believe they will hit Corazon de Selva next.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The Providence station there has just captured a large batch of EVOs in the jungle.
:'''Rex:''' Bobo and I are ready to roll.
:'''White Knight:''' Be careful. For all we know, the Green Fist could  be selling EVOs to Van Kleiss.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm ready for carnival! Let's party!
:''[White Knight clears throat]''
:'''White Knight:''' The situation down there is... complex. I need both of you to handle the mission quietly and with diplomacy.
:'''Rex:''' I can be diplomatic. Oh, by the way, you might want to think about switching to low-fat, White. Starting to look at little... Jowly.
:'''Bobo:''' Better leave the diplomacy to the small one.
:'''Rex:''' This is the town?
:'''Bobo:''' Something tells me they're not in the mood to party. Maybe a knock-knock joke would lighten things up?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You must be Rex.
:'''Rex:''' You're Agent Martrello?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You may call me &quot;Oso&quot;, my friend.
:'''Rex:''' White Knight said to send his regards.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Maybe he could come visit sometime, get some sun, see what it's like on the front lines nowadays? ''[laughing. Then to Bobo]'' This must be the monkey. He does tricks? Hello, señor Bobo.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[puts his palm to Oso's mouth]'' That's &quot;Agent Haha&quot; to you, buddy.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Come. The station is not fair.
:'''Bobo:''' Doesn't anybody mow the grass around here?
:''[Oso Maretelo chuckles]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Often. But the jungle can only be kept at bay, not subdued.
:''[Oso Maretelo grunting]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' There we go.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Apologies. The air-conditioning is down again.
:'''Bobo:''' Makes our place look like the penthouse suite.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' But who needs air-conditioning? We're here to work! The kennel is this way. Most of these EVOs we brought in last week from deep in the jungle. A tempting target for the Green Fist.
:'''Rex:''' Whoa. It's packed in here! What are you gonna do with all of them?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The big ones are shipped to larger facilities, like yours. These smaller ones stay here. They're really quite harmless, but the world wants EVOs captured, so we keep them. Oh, careful! This EVO is not like the rest. Took down six of my agents before we caught it.
:'''Rex:''' Is it really tiny or something?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' That's strange. He was here this morning, he can't have escaped. Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Peekaboo.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yah!
:'''Rex:''' You all right there, buddy?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I think you've both earned that cold drink you wanted.
:'''Rex:''' See? This gig isn't so bad. Cold drinks, fringe benefits.
:'''Bobo:''' It's on the fringe, all right, but I don't see the benefit.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Drink, Agent Haha. Horchata, the rice milk, is good for you. Besides... It's all they serve here.
:'''Rex:''' I think it's pretty good, but how come we can't get any service?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' We're Providence. All they know is when there's trouble, Providence is there. Our relationship with them is, uh, complex.
:'''Rex:''' Complex? We protect them from EVOs. You know, this calls for a little diplomacy.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother.
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me.
:'''Waitress:''' ¿Sí?
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Uh...
:''[Waitress chuckles]''
:'''Waitress:''' You don't look like the usual Providence soldiers.
:'''Rex:''' That's 'cause I'm not. Name's Rex. Maybe you've seen me on the news?
:'''Waitress:''' No.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, what's that?
:'''Waitress:''' The horchata anejo. It's aged. Muy sabrosa.
:'''Rex:''' I'll take a pitcher of that.
:'''Waitress:''' We only make one pitcher a night. They have it.
:'''Rex:''' Hey, mind if I try some?
:'''Valentina:''' It's too strong for you, gringo.
:'''Rex:''' Gringo? So Mexicano!
:'''Valentina:''' Y tambien eres Providencia. Okay. Let's see if you can handle it.
:'''Rex:''' Gracias.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex gulps]''
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! That's good! Smooth!
:''[Rex gagging]''
:''[Oso Maratelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[after taking a drink]'' I don't get what makes it so special.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' It's made from rice that's passed through the digestive system of a monkey.
:''[Rex spits his drink]''
:''[Valentina growls]''
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:''[Woman gasps]''
:''[Woman grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Woman:''' Aah!
:'''Old Man:''' Aah!
:'''Man:''' Aah!
:'''Biruta:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I can't use my EVO powers against them! I don't want to hurt these people!
:'''Bobo:''' I wish they felt the same about us!
:'''Rex:''' Oso, you know how to use one of those?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The lariat? Oh, yes. I grew up roping steer on my Uncle's Rancho.
:'''Bobo:''' Rex!
:'''Biruta:''' El es un EVO!
:''[Valentina sighs]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' So, what do you think of that? Aah!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Waitress:''' ''[tossing Rex, Bobo and Martello out the bar]'' You are like the other Providence agents-- Bad for business!
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' This is where diplomacy gets you, my young friend. Now, are you up for a stakeout?
:'''Bobo:''' Not me! I'm out of with this town and these ungrateful people. I'm going home.
:'''Rex:''' But, Bobo, we need you for a special undercover mission?
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Please, Agent Haha. You are the key to the entire operation.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah? Well, you could have said that before.
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Biruta:''' Quiet! I'm trying to free you from Providence!
:'''Bobo:''' I am Providence, dummy.
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' These toys of yours-- They're for children!
:''[Biruta grunts]''
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Who're you working for?
:''[Valentina grunts]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' You?! Horchata girl?! What do you think you're doing?!
:'''Valentina:''' I'm feeding all your prisoners, creep!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Aah!
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa!
:'''Rex:''' Scratch marks? Weird. What the heck did this?
:''[Valentina screams]''
:'''Valentina:''' Huh? Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Take a number! I have business with the señorita first. Aah!
:''[Valentina grunting]''
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Aah!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hyah!
:'''Valentina:''' Aah!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, and stay down!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, you okay?
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I feel... fine. I hope Holiday gave me a shop or whatever that was.
:'''Valentina:''' For the last time, we don't work for Van Kleiss! The Green Fist fights for the EVOs who cannot fight for themselves. We set them free-- Nothing more.
:''[Bobo snorts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Just what we need-- Humans for ethical treatment of EVOs.
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! ''[to Rex]'' You're a traitor to your own kind!
:'''Rex:''' That thing you set free-- It's natural order is to exterminate mankind! It wanted to kill you! Your men are dying because of it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I wish I had better news.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks anyway, doc. We'll call with updates.
:'''Bobo:''' What did she say?
:'''Rex:''' The nanites in my system are fighting off the toxin, but that's only slowing it down. We need to make an anti-toxin, or-- or...
:'''Valentina:''' Or se va a morir!
:'''Bobo:''' In English! In English!
:'''Rex:''' It's doing to me what it's done to Valentina's men. If we don't get the anti-toxin soon, they'll die, and, eventually, I will, too.
:'''Bobo:''' Think I liked it better in Spanish.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' If I can get a blood sample of that EVO with this, it'll beam its DNA sequence back to Holiday and she'll be able to instantly synthesize an anti-toxin.
:'''Rex:''' I want to go.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You're sick.
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'm better equipped than any agent you have, and you know it.
:''[Oso Maretelo sighs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Very well. You'll come with me and a team of my best men.
:'''Valentina:''' You're killing him if you do that. Listen, you need me, Providence man. I know that jungle better than anyone. Your big, noisy party will alert that EVO. You won't get within a mile of it. My men are dying, too. Let me free!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' You think I'm going to let you just walk out of here alone?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm going, too.
:''[Bobo grunting]''
:'''Bobo:''' Aah!
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Anything yet?
:'''Rex:''' Nothing.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Rex, once you get the sample of the EVO's blood for the anti-toxin, I'll pick you up in the jump jet. White Knight wants you sticking to his orders, nothing more-- Capture the EVO and bring back the prisoner.
:'''Rex:''' Gotcha.
:'''Valentina:''' Orders? Prisoners? You wonder why we're suspicious of Providence.
:'''Rex:''' We're protecting people. What we're doing is good. I believe that.
:'''Valentina:''' You think I don't believe in what I do? Who decides who's right-- Your White Knight?
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Rex:''' All we found out here are goats from the village-- At least what's left of them.
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Valentina:''' You all right?
:'''Rex:''' I'm fine. Let's just hope this trap works.
:''[Bobo snoring]''
:'''Bobo:''' ''[to the creature]'' Hey, pal, didn't anybody tell you the trap's over there? Aah!
:'''Valentina:''' We've caught him!
:'''Bobo:''' No! You caught me! Big difference!
:'''Rex:''' Aaah! That's it. No more running. Hyah! Ahh! Okay, time for more running!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Ahh!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Adiós! Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' The toxins are breaking down my nanites!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Valentina:''' Over here! Come and get me!
:'''Rex:''' Don't! It'll kill you! :'''Valentina:''' You're too ill to fight it!
:'''Rex:''' Look, put down the flower basket and trust me.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' On my signal. Come on. Don't you want a nice Rex burger for breakfast? Not yet. Not yet. Now!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Valentina:''' You caught it. You've saved my men.
:'''Rex:''' We caught it... Together. First my cure... Now his. I don't believe it. This thing... It isn't an EVO.
:'''Valentina:''' The fangs, the toxin... The goat! Of course! How could I have been so blind? This animal is a chupacabra!
:'''Rex:''' Chupacabra? Isn't that a myth, like bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster?
:'''Valentina:''' I thought it was only a legend, too.
:'''Rex:''' Providence must have come blundering onto its home turf and captured it.
:'''Valentina:''' So... What will you do?
:'''Rex:''' Only one option, as far as I see it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Go on. Get! Get!
:'''Valentina:''' There are things in this jungle stranger than EVOs and older than man.
:'''Rex:''' Well, as long as they stay here, we won't have anymore problems. Doc, did the sample beam through okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm synthesizing the anti-toxin right now. It'll be at the base by the time Oso picks you up.
:'''Rex:''' He'll be here soon with the jump set. You better get going.
:'''Valentina:''' Your orders were to bring me back.
:'''Rex:''' I don't always follow orders.
:'''Valentina:''' Thank you. This still doesn't make up for spitting the horchata in my face.
:'''Bobo:''' Ooh, slick. If it was me, I would have kissed her.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' The anti-toxin will have you back to normal within the hour. Now, what happened with the woman?
:'''Rex:''' She, uh, got away.
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' I see. You're learning, my friend. It's complex. A woman like that-- It makes our problems with EVOs seem simple, no?
:''[Oso Maretelo laughs]''
:'''Oso Maretelo:''' Safe journey, my friends. I hope to see you again.
:'''Bobo:''' That makes one of us.
:'''Waitress:''' Wait! For your trip!
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Gracias. How'd I earn this?
:'''Waitress:''' I heard what you did. The chupacabra-- It stole my abuela's goat. Providence is going to buy her a new one. Thank you.
:''[Waitress smooches]''
:'''Bobo:''' Hey, if that's all it took to make you happy, we would have run off with the goat when we first came to town. Aah! Aw! Some thanks!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: ''[Caesar's Pod Laboratory arrives at the town of Mexico City]''
: '''Rex:''' Are we there yet? ''[moving his legs and hugs his legs]'' All this futuristic technology and you never thought of adding a bathroom. ''[points at the monitor]'' City Hall! It must have a bathroom! Pull over-- Now! ''[Esteban writing some paperwork as the ground starts to rumble, He immediately ran outside looking at Caesar's research pod landing. The door opens and Rex finally made on solid ground.]'' Baño?
: ''[Esteban awkwardly points the bathroom]''
: ''[Rex runs]''
: ''[The elevator in Research pod went up and then down with Caesar]''
: '''Esteban:''' Caesar. ¿Eres tú?
: '''Caesar:''' ''[suspecting face]'' Esteban?
: '''Esteban:''' It's Mayor Esteban now.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Mayor? When you ran for class president, Maria Rodriguez got all the votes.
: '''Esteban:''' She was smarter and much better-looking. And I see you're still building your crazy contraptions. What brings you back to town?
: '''Caesar:''' To visit Abuela. It's a surprise.
: '''Esteban:''' You don't want to go there. It's not the same as you remember.
: ''[Rex righs]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[runs to the research pod]'' Okay, bro, let's go! ''[Rex went up to the lab]''
: ''[Esteban chuckling]''
: '''Esteban:''' ''[looking at Rex]'' Is that little Cabeza de Trapo?
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' I haven't thought of that for years. ''[Caesar went up to the lab]''
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Caesar:''' No es nada, mijo. We'd better get going.
: '''Esteban:''' At least stay in town tonight. You can head up to abuela's in the morning.
: '''Caesar:''' It's been over five years, Esteban. We're not waiting another minute.
: ''[Door closes and Research pods departs]''
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her &quot;abuela&quot;?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection, but she practically raised the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: ''[Rex stops and feels incomplete]''
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember her. Or any of this.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm sure she'll be excited to see you. Just prepare yourself for a lot of sloppy grandma kisses.
: ''[Caesar pats Rex's hair and keeps on moving]''
: ''[Rex knocks at the door, The door opens by Abuela]'' Abuela, it's me-- Caesar.
: ''[The Salazar brothers show themselves while Caesar holds a Bouquet of flowers]''
: '''Abuela:''' Caesar! And is that my Cabeza de Trapo?
: '''Rex:''' Why is everyone calling me that?
: '''Abuela:''' What are you doing here?
: '''Caesar:''' We've come to visit. May we come in?
: '''Abuela:''' ''[Looks at the sky for a brief moment]'' No! ''[slams the door]''
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we should have called first.
: ''[The Salazar brothers spend the night in the Research pod with Caesar sleeping at the floor and Rex sleeping on the table. Unintentionally the computer sets thte alarm causing Rex to wake up a bit.]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ten more minutes, Six. [''covers his ears with his pillow]''
: ''[Caesar opens the door and looks down, Seeing Abuela holding breakfast]''
: '''Abuela:''' Who wants breakfast?
: ''[Rex immediately wakes up]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yo!
: ''[Rex drops off the table]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Ouch!
: ''[After a few minutes, Rex picks up his breakfast]''
: '''Caesar:''' Abuela always was the best cook.
: '''Abuela:''' I have missed my niños. ''[Puts her hand on Rex's shoulder]'' Rex, I have been following your work with Providence, and I always knew you would be a big important scientist.
: '''Rex:''' So, why did you slam the door on us last night?
: '''Abuela:''' Oh, that. You just caught me off guard. We weren't expecting visitors.
: '''Rex:''' I thought you always--
: '''Caesar:''' Enough with the questions, little brother.
: '''Abuela:''' Let me look at you.
: ''[Abuela grabs Rex's face]'
: '''Rex:''' Mmph!
: '''Abuela:''' I can't believe how you have grown. Come, see-- The rest of the family.
: '''Rex:''' Does everyone in town live here?
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' I remember evenings here, laughing, telling stories. And the food! Rex, if you thought breakfast was good, wait and see what abuela makes for dinner.
: '''Abuela:''' It is an old building. There are always repairs.
: '''Federico:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: '''Rex:''' Uh... What's up?
: '''Federico:''' It's me-- Federico. Have you forgotten the secret shake?
: '''Abuela:''' You and Federico were best friends when you were little.
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!
: '''Rex:''' Why do you keep calling me that?
: '''Caesar:''' You used to put underpants on your heads and act out Lucha Libre movies.
: '''Rex:''' Glad I don't remember that.
: '''Federico:''' Lucky you.
: '''Esteban:''' Abuela, I must speak to you.
: '''Abuela:''' Someone has forgotten his manners.
: '''Esteban:''' You can't just keep avoiding me. My phone has been ringing off the hook. The village is concerned about the recent activity.
: '''Abuela:''' Well, it shouldn't be. What goes on here is our own business.
: '''Esteban:''' Not when it leaves these walls. The situation is getting worse.
: '''Abuela:''' We've made the necessary corrections. It won't happen again.
: '''Esteban:''' You got one last chance to get out of town. Or I will evict you myself.
: '''Abuela:''' An old squabble. You don't need to worry.
: '''Caesar:''' What aren't you telling us, abuela?
: '''Abuela:''' Time to start making dinner.
: '''Rex:''' Dinner? We just had breakfast.
: ''[Caesar chuckles]''
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me. ''[Stands up with his glass]'' To family!
: '''Rex:''' Is it like this every night?
: '''Federico:''' Pretty much.
: ''[Rex chuckling]''
: ''[The kid kicks the ball high, Frederico stands up and catch the ball and dribbled. Rex was impress.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey. You're pretty good. Everything about going pro?
: ''[Frederico drops the ball, awkward silence]''
: '''Federico:''' Not anymore.
: ''[Rex picks up the ball, kicks it. The ball lands on the table splashing the food all around, everyones laughting. The bell rings and everyone starts going away.]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay, maybe not my best move, but it wasn't that bad.
: '''Abuela:''' Come, children!
: ''[Caesar and Rex follows Abuela to their room]'' You'll sleep here.
: ''[Rex notices Frederico]''
: '''Federico:''' See you in the morning.
: ''[Frederico darkly walks into he's room. Rex enters in his. In the room Caesar's unpacking, Rex looks around. Suddently Abuela locks the door.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Did she just lock us in? :''[Rex tries to open the door, fails]'' She just locked us in!
: '''Caesar:''' We need to respect our elders. I'm sure she had her reasons. ''[Rex walks to window, Caesar's trying the new bed.]'' Ooh! Bed's pretty comfy. Good night!
: '''Rex:''' But-- but... It's only 6:30!
: ''[Night, suddently a roar is heard. Rex and Caesar wakes up.]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Sure, that's not weird, either!
: ''[Mayor's office, the phone start's ringing.Esteban picks up.]''
: '''Esteban:''' Bueno. I'm glad you cloud return my call. I understand you can help me with my EVO problem.
: ''[Salazar's room. Rex and Ceasar already dressed.]''
: '''Rex:''' Frederico? That's his room behind here!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: ''[Caesar pull's the door, they are still locked.]''
: '''Caesar:''' ''[to Rex]'' Can you break it down?
: '''Rex:''' How about respecting our elders?
: '''Caesar:''' Technically, I am your elder. Brake it down!                       
: '''Rex:''' I'll do one better! Hunh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Forms Smack hands and punches trought the wall, making a hole that reveals Frederico's room.]''
: '''Rex:''' This place is just full of surprises. Okay, fur face, if you ate my friend--
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Wait!
: '''Abuela:''' There has been a breach! Where is Rex?
: '''Caesar:''' I suspect halfway down the hill by now. Abuela--
: '''Abuela:''' I know.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa-- Unh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' AAAAH! Whoa! Unh! UAAAAGH! This is for Federico!
: '''Abuela:''' Rex! No! That is Federico!
: '''Federico:''' Are those your hands? Genial. I got out again, didn't I?
: '''Rex:''' So, you're like a were-EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' Lux Lucius Mutatio. Interesting.
: '''Abuela:''' Come-- We've got to get back to the house.
: '''Esteban:''' I told you this would happen! You can't control them anymore!
: '''Rex:''' It wasn't her. It was me. I let them out. I didn't know.
: '''Esteban:''' All these EVOs!
: '''Abuela:''' They're just boys.
: '''Esteban:''' Look at the destruction your boys caused! The people are tired of living in fear! You'll be leaving today!
: '''Rex:''' I'm sorry, abuela. I had no idea. And now you have to leave because of me.
: '''Abuela:''' I'm not going anywhere!
: '''Federico:''' We turn at sundown and then back at sunrise. It only happens to some of us.
: '''Caesar:''' I took samples from all of the affected family members. Everyone shares the same genetic code-- something similar to hypotrichosis.
: '''Rex:''' Hyper, huh?
: '''Caesar:''' Werewolf syndrome. The nanites triggered the dormant gene.
: '''Federico:''' Can you cure it?
: '''Rex:''' I can try. Strange. I don't feel anything. Do you?
: '''Federico:''' Thanks anyway.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm seeing no active nanite tracers whatsoever.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe it's because he's not an EVO form.
: '''Federico:''' I just want a normal life again. I don't want to have to leave my home.
: '''Caesar:''' Maybe there's a way you can have both.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry about the wall. Why didn't you tell us?
: '''Abuela:''' Because I didn't want Providence to know.
: '''Rex:''' But Providence can help.
: '''Abuela:''' By taking those afflicted away? No. Every night when the bell pulls, those that have the change are locked away safely. For years it has been this way and no one has been hurt.
: '''Rex:''' But-- You're prisoners in your own home.
: '''Abuela:''' You may see it that way, niño. But at least we are a family.
: '''Federico:''' You know-- Even though we got busted today, it was kind of fun to get out.
: '''Rex:''' Don't you ever feel cooped up in here?
: '''Federico:''' There is one thing I missed. Go-o-o-o-al!
: '''Rex:''' Why did you stop playing if you love it so much?
: '''Federico:''' One day during practice, I stayed late so some scouts could see me play. Sun went down, and, well... They made me quit the league after that. Still haven't replaced the go box.
: ''[Federico chuckles]''
: '''Federico:''' Is that Providence?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know who it is.
: '''Federico:''' We should probably get back. It's almost evening bell.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Rex.
: '''Federico:''' That guy just shot my ball!
: '''Rex:''' Oh, this is just perfect. Hunter Cane he has a thing for hunting down EVOs I already put him away once.
: '''Federico:''' So, what's he doing here?
: '''Rex:''' Guessing your mayor called him.
: '''Federico:''' No, I mean did, he break out or something?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. Don't care.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Why am I not surprised? This one of them?
: '''Rex:''' Bringing this guy here was a bad move.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' For them? And I get to settle an old score while I'm at it. Lucky me.
: '''Rex:''' No-- Lucky me!
: '''Federico:''' Rex, we've gotta go.
: '''Rex:''' You don't have to worry. This guy has nothing to sweat.
: '''Federico:''' Now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Well, what do we have here?
: ''[Hunter Cain grunts]''
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Esteban, my friend, I may not even charge you for this one.
: '''Rex:''' The mayor wasn't kidding. He sent an EVO hunter who likes to shoot first and skip the questions. We'll need every man, woman, and werewolf.
: '''Esteban:''' You were warned, abuela. You can live peacefully or we will bring you out.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I didn't come here for conversation.
: '''Esteban:''' But you said it would just be a show of force. We run them out of town. No one gets hurt.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I don't negotiate with EVOs or their families. If you don't like what you're about to see, you can head on down the hill.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you join them, hunter?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I never back down from a fight.
: '''Rex:''' Neither do I. You bring your magic EVO bullets, or is this going to be a real fight?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Lucky for you, these are the old-fashioned kind. But they hurt just as bad.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, that is kind of annoying.
: '''Caesar:''' Just hours ago, there wasn't any nanite activity. But now, it's like night and day.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Caesar:''' That was my little pun. It seems the samples are reacting differently in the absence of sunlight. If I can only work out the photoreactive elements--
: '''Rex:''' I don't even think a cure will stop Hunter Cain. He'll never listen to reason.
: '''Caesar:''' I still gotta try. I think I can affect the change in the nanite programming during your nocturnal cycle. If I'm gonna cure this, I have to do it before sunrise.
: '''Rex:''' Not a Hunter gets to them first. I can keep doing this till you run out of ammo.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Fire on target!
: '''Rex:''' AAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Note to self-- Don't give him any ideas. You have to let them out!
: '''Abuela:''' I made a promise to keep them safe from harm!
: '''Rex:''' Where they can't defend themselves? That's exactly what won't happen!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Grandma, step aside.
: '''Abuela:''' I stand with my family.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Have it your way. I'll take all of you down.
: '''Abuela:''' You obviously haven't met my family.
: '''Rex:''' Can't believe we're not related. So, what was your big jail break? Nail pile and a cake? Exploding smoke bomb?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Cold, hard cash. Not everyone at Providence is an EVO-lover.
: '''Caesar:''' Huh? Yes! Rex, we can reprogram the nanites to disregard the photoreactive coding of their DNA with a frequency-tuned pulse! That should allow you to cure them!
: '''Rex:''' Sounds great, but I've sort of got my hands full. Unh!
: '''Caesar:''' You mess with my brother, you mess with me.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Who are you? You an EVO?
: '''Caesar:''' No. I'm a scientist.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' AAAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Your turn.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa-ho! Wait! I thought you said you had to zap their nanites.
: '''Caesar:''' In a manner of speaking. First, I zap you. Then, you have your nanites through do the rest.
: '''Rex:''' AAAH!
: '''Caesar:''' Too strong. I'll make an adjustment.
: '''Rex:''' Adjustment? How about you wait for me to say &quot;okay&quot; next time? You're still here?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' When I said I was out of the disintegrator ammo, I lied. One left, and it has your name on it.
: '''Rex:''' Federico, I'm not sure if you can understand me, but it might be time for the return of Las Cabezas de Trapo.
: '''Caesar:''' I think I've got the settings figured out.
: '''Rex:''' You think? AAAH!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Caesar:''' That's more like it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Woozily]'' Okay. Let's give it a try. I'm not trying to hurt you.
: '''Abuela:''' Federico, mi corazoncito. Let him try.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we have to wait for a sunrise. We- We made it worse. Now we stuck that way!
: '''Federico:''' It isn't him-- It's me. I can control it now!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Doesn't change a thing to me. He's still an EVO. I'm gonna finish the job I came here to do. I'll wipe out the whole compound if I have to.
: '''Abuela:''' There is no place for your kind of hatred here!
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You think I'm afraid of you?
: '''Rex:''' I think you should be.
: ''[Hunter Cain spits]''
: '''Rex:''' Hunter knows how to hold a grudge. He'll come back.
: '''Federico:''' And we'll be waiting.
: '''Rex:''' So, this mean you're gonna try out for the pros?
: '''Abuela:''' I think it's time we all go out and live our lives.
: '''Rex:''' La familia!
: '''Caesar:''' Cabezas de trapo!

===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- As is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[Chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': ''[sarcasm]'' But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. ''[after Rex gets disconnected]'' It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... ''[tosses Rex a sack]'' This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''':  ''[opening the sack to find his ball]'' Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Black Knight reactivates Mel's control]'' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting EVOs off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Long pause as Rex sees the new HQ]'' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super-secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[White enters]'' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, have rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... If we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- Can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
: '''Rex:''' Six, hold on! Holiday, Six is down! Six is down! This is all your fault! Holiday?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm doing everything I can, Rex. We have to focus on the bigger picture. Six would want us to.
: '''Rex:''' Figures the only time I do what Six would want, he's in a coma.
: '''White Knight:''' I'll be having the pleasure of helping Providence figure out how to close the rift. The rest of you can deal with that machine.
: '''Rex:''' It got blown to bits along with Six, remember?
: '''White Knight:''' Don't be so sure. Someone needs to find out what that is and where it went.
: '''Ben:''' I can do that.
: '''Bobo:''' You-- Ain't doing nothing but sitting pretty and shutting up.
: '''Rex:''' And if Six of them pull through, you won't even be able to do that.
: '''Ben:''' I'm sorry about your friend, honestly. Obviously, he's important to you. But I have no clue what's even happening here. I've never heard of Providence or EVOs or-- One minute I'm doing a TV interview. The next, hole in the  ky, flash a light and I'm punching out a mecha monster. Then I end up in a world where nobody knows me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He might actually be telling the truth. Ben's nanite absorption level indicates  he came through that rift without any.
: '''Rex:''' I thought White Knight was the only living thing on Earth that's nanite-free.
: '''Ben:''' So you mean I have those things in me now? Great. Where's my space suit?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll live. Still doesn't explain how you got here.
: '''Ben:''' We're probably looking at a parallel world thing.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Parallel worlds are a theory, and a shaky one at that.
: '''Ben:''' Are you serious? I go home all the time. Maybe if you knew where that mech alien was from, it might help prove--
: '''Rex:''' Quit talking!
: '''Ben:''' Exactly. Nothing's gonna get answered sitting around here.
: '''Rex:''' In case you hadn't noticed, we're holding you under house arrest.
: '''Ben:''' You aren't holding me. I was staying to see how I could help.
: '''Big Chill:''' You aren't the only person worried about someone close to you.
: '''Rex:''' I got this.
: '''White Knight:''' Rex, don't! I hate kids.
: '''Caesar:''' Nanite Cloud. These are being drawn in from the atmosphere. Now where are you? So it is you. This is most disturbing.
: '''Rex:''' Why don't you just go back where you came from?
: '''Big Chill:''' I'm trying to, you do? Oh no.
: '''Rex:''' What?
: '''Ben:''' Mr. Smoothie isn't here. That's messed up.
: '''Rex:''' My partner is in a coma. If you're stressing over a frozen drink, you are totally getting punk-fusted.
: '''Ben:''' We're in Bellwood, my hometown, where it should be. But it's all different. Part of me hoped it wouldn't be, but this pretty much proves it.
: '''Rex:''' This doesn't prove anything!
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can... help each other.
: '''Ben:''' You... do that? What's that sound?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, your biometrics are dangerously low. You need to get away.
:'''Rex:''' Listen to me, Alpha controls nanites. So do I. Why don't I just shut him down?
:'''Ben:''' Hey, Jerk-asaur! You're a loser! Ha! You see that? Hero Time!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, yeah! Let's cause some pain!
:'''White Knight:''' Wait! Not while they're linked!
:'''Rath:''' Oh, you did not just stop me!
:'''Alpha:''' The power you hold is impressive.
:'''Rex:''' You mean the power to kick your butt?
:'''Alpha:''' The power to create machines. You are not worthy of such a gift. The Omega nanite is mine.
:'''Rath:''' Aaah! Take this and this! What do you think of what?!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Alpha:''' I misguided to place my trust in a father that did not want me. I never needed him. I simply needed the energy and means to do what I have always done-- Evolve.
:'''Ben:''' You okay?
:'''Rex:''' No. Definitely not okay. It took my Omega nanite, and I think I know what I wants.
:'''Alpha:''' Behold, organics... The beginning and the end of all things. I am Alpha-Omega. This is the twilight of humanity. Alpha-Omega destroys all.
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Holiday, are you seeing this?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unfortunately, yes. We're not looking at random destruction. Alpha is synthesizing the matter around him to build his own nanite.
:'''Rex:''' Thanks to my Omega nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This isn't your fault, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Sure feels like it. I woke up this morning on top of the world. Now I'm about to witness the end of it. Six was right.
:'''Ben:''' I don't think this is how it was meant to play out. I've seen what you can do.
:'''Rex:''' My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt, and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just... isn't enough?
:'''Ben:''' You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:''[Transforms into Upgrade]''
:'''Rex:'''  Hey! What are you-- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa! Okay. That feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Whoa! What supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Aah! Ohh! Don't do that! You're freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade:''' Build something!
:'''Rex:''' ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sa-weet! So, what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade:''' You build stuff, I make it better, fight, fight, fight, we win!
:'''Rex:''' Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]'' WHOO-HOO!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex:''' Ye-e-e-ah!
:'''Upgrade:''' Nice shot, Rex! Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!
:''[Alpha-Omega screams]''
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:'''Rex and Ben:''' Aah! Oof!
:''[Rex and Ben groaning]''
:'''Rex:''' We need a direct hit on the Alpha.
:'''Ben:''' More insults? I've got a good one.
:'''Rex:''' I've got an idea, but you have to trust me. When I fire, you've got to make your roly-poly thing.
:'''Ben:''' You're not thinking of--
:'''Rex:''' Yup.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't that dangerous?
:'''Rex:''' Probably.
:'''Ben:''' On three?
:'''Rex:''' I've officially decided I like you, monster guy.
:'''Ben:''' Same here, robot kid. One--
:'''Rex:''' Two-- Three!
:''[Alpha-Omega roars]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' WOO-HOO! Yeah! Oh, yeah! He shoots! He scores! WHOO! And the crowd goes wild!
:''[Rex imitates crowd cheering]''
:'''Rex:''' Whoa, there, little nanite brothers. Where do you think you're going? Alpha's not the only one who can tell you what to do.
:'''Ben:''' Isn't your Omega Nanite going to be in there, too?
:'''Caesar:''' I'll handle that. Where are you, little guy? Got it! Look! It worked!
:'''Ben:''' And that, my friend, is how you save the world.
:'''Caesar:''' Very clever, little brother. The density of this sphere is over thirty grams per centimeter cubed. It would be extremely difficult for Alpha to slip through the molecules of this, assuming it survived compaction. We need to get rid of it.
:'''Rex:''' Caesar, wait!
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, I wasn't fully able to repair the Void gun. I'm not sure how long my repairs will hold before it discharges. We only get one shot at this, and we have to do it fast. It's now or never, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' How are you going to carry it? That thing must weigh ten tons!
:'''Ben:''' I'm not going to carry it.
:'''Upchuck:''' Let's do this again someday.
:''[Upchuck munching]''
:''[Upchuck gulping]''
:'''Rex:''' Wow! That's just-- Wow! Six?
:'''Bobo:''' He's gone.
:'''Rex:''' ''[Weakly]'' Gone?
:'''Bobo:''' To the little ninja's room.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's going to be fine, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' He is?! All right! Yes! Oh, man, I knew it! I knew the whole time!
:''[Rex laughs]''
:'''Rex:''' I mean... cool. I'm glad you're alive!
:'''Six:''' Me too.
:'''Rex:''' I was so scared, Six. I've never done anything so hard in all my life. I really thought the world was going to end, And then I totally kicked butt!
:'''Six:''' I hear you had a little help.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, when his monster watch wasn't conked out. Ben was a cool kid. I wonder if I'll ever see him again.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With infinite dimensions, the math doesn't work in your favor, Rex.
:'''Bobo:''' Math-- The enemy of all things good.
:'''Six:''' Although-- The cosmos works in mysterious ways. I think certain people are meant to meet, to fight side by side, to be friends. You may see one another sooner than you think.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Caesar?! How did you...?
:'''Caesar:''' Okay. Before White Knight comes looking for me here, one last piece of unfinished business.
:'''Rex:''' You're sure this is the Omega, right? I mean, you didn't grab the Alpha by mistake?
:'''Caesar:''' 100% certain. Well, actually 99.998%. Nothing is 100%.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.

===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in forty-five minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in forty-five minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh--
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's okay, it's okay. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Noah:''' You said it was gonna be fun. You said there'd be hot girls, great bands.
: '''Rex:''' It was an honest mistake. They called it the world's largest british rock festival.
: '''Noah:''' Yeah, because it was a convention for english geologists!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, yes, maybe we did just drive two days for some boring science conference because I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the website. But we did get some cool free Schwag. Look!
: '''Noah:''' I've seen it. It's a pile of rocks!
: '''Rex:''' No, look!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What are you doing? Leave me alone!
: '''Rex:''' Pull over.
: '''Noah:''' You know that guy?
: '''Rex:''' Nope. But I know an opportunity to tweak the Black Knight when I see one.
: '''Noah:''' No way. I haven't showered in two days. You real haven't showered in two days. This car is not stopping until we get home. Real mature.
: '''Rex:''' Just give me five minutes. I'll grab him before they even notice. Think of it this way. At least something fun will come out of this trip. Shh.
: '''Feakins:''' I don't understand what you're saying, guy.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Just take a stay back, Rex. You don't know what you're messing with here.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, you do know what you're messing with! This! Huh?
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Who's messing with this?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Anything you want to add to that smack talk?
: ''[Rex chuckles nervously]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Let's go.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know what you did to my powers, but I'd keep the hands off the jacket, if I were you. Uh, on second thought, take the jacket. Thinking about a new one anyway.
: '''Providence Agent:''' We're gonna bring him with us? He's harmless as long as we've got Feakins.
: '''Rex:''' What's a Feakin?
: '''Noah:''' Come on, Rex. You gonna stand there all night getting hugs from your old Providence buddies?
: '''Rex:''' No, don't! Or, uh, you're gonna make Agent Six over there even more mad than he already is.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! What are you doing, guy?!
: '''Noah:''' So, what's--
: '''Rex:''' Drive! Drive!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Who is he?! What's going on?
: '''Rex:''' Who are you? What's going on?
: '''Feakins:''' Do either of you have a milkshake?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' You want to get them to stop that? What happened?
: '''Rex:''' Let me guess. You're Feakins.
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, and I am very queasy back here! If we don't get me a milkshake, it's not gonna be my fault if my lunch ends up all over this very nice leather seat!
: '''Rex:''' Somehow he's fritzing out my powers. It's like there's a deadzone around him.
: '''Noah:''' You talking about nanites or his personality?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No more warnings. Pull over!
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' We're not gonna make it!
: '''Noah:''' Yes, we are! This is a '77! They don't make'em like this anymore! WHOO-HOO! Aah!
: ''[Noah gasps]''
: '''Noah:''' That was a '77! They don't make'em anymore! My granddad's gonna kill me!
: '''Rex:''' Looks like he'll have to wait in line.
: ''[Feakins gasps]''
: '''Feakins:''' How great is this?! You guys were at the convention, too?
: '''Rex:''' Come on! If we get out of here now, they'll spend the next couple hours looking for the car before they figure out where it went.
: '''Feakins:''' So, what's your favorite geological area? I'm a proterozoic man. Of course, the hadean has its merits, too.
: '''Noah:''' You couldn't take five minutes to read the whole website?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Noah:''' Thank you! I can't tell you how glad we are you're open. I just want to get cleaned up and get some sleep.
: '''Feakins:''' Hold on! Pardon me, but what kind of room service does this establishment offer? What if I want a milkshake?
: '''Rex:''' And that kind of brings you up to date, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Well, that explains why you suddenly dropped of my tracking grid. The good news is, the deadzone Feakins creates means the Black Knight can't use your nanites to track you either.
: '''Rex:''' Now that Feakins isn't right next to me, it's not as bad. I can still feel them. It's just that they feel all fuzzy. I bet if I put some distance between us, my powers would bounce right back.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Not just any. Me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got to hang on to him. I'm on my way to you now. 
: '''Rex:''' Hey, don't worry about me. I-I may not have my powers, but I've got Noah. We can handle things until you get here.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Just stay put and don't draw attention to yourself.
: '''Feakins:''' I know this is your motel! But judging by your office, you and me got a different idea of what &quot;clean&quot; means! Can you believe that guy!
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, the last part might be a problem, doc.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh. Okay if you guys take this bed?
: '''Noah:''' Providence we can deal with. It's him I'm worried about.
: '''Black Knight:''' Speak.
: '''Black Pawn:''' We lost them.
: '''Black Knight:''' I want every asset we have in the state mobilized. Do you understand? Find them!
: '''Noah:''' No way! You picked out this disguise. You wear it.
: '''Feakins:''' I didn't know it was made of acrylic! You want me to have a relapse of my eczema? 'Cause it won't be pretty! I get all flaky!
: '''Rex:''' Guys, the whole point of the disguises is to not attract attention.
: '''Noah:''' Fine! Why do I always have to be the mature one?
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Feakins:''' We've only got a couple hours to get to our new rendezvous with Holiday.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you going to demand a milkshake?
: '''Feakins:''' Thanks, guy.
: '''Noah:''' What?! All you've done is moan about milkshakes. Because we were in a car. I don't get airsick.
: '''Feakins:''' So, why would I need a milkshake? But if there's a decent sushi bar nearby--
: ''[Noah groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Wait.
: ''[Feakins sneezes]''
: '''Feakins:''' What? I said I was allergic to acrylic!
: '''Rex:''' Hang on!
: '''Feakins:''' Whoa. You gotta stop this thing.
: '''Noah:''' You gotta be kidding me!
: '''Feakins:''' It's not my fault I got a delicate stomach!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! This isn't even really a car!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Those two agents on the plane are gonna call in others. We gotta go!
: '''Noah:''' How are we gonna get anywhere without a car?
: '''Rex:''' We've got a chance we can get on a train.
: '''Noah:''' It's pitch dark. We're never gonna find the tracks before that train passes!
: ''[Feakins laughs]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, very funny. Come on, guy, quit joking around.
: '''Noah:''' What are you talking about?
: '''Feakins:''' Well, given the shale and quartz in this soil, the train tracks have to be down that way. I mean, that's just obvious stuff to rock lovers like us, am I right? I don't believe it! An entire train car filled with ice cream... And there's no blender!
: '''Noah:''' So close, and yet no milkshake.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm starved. Let's eat. We're all gonna need our strength. Cherry-Berry Chunky Nut?
: '''Feakins:''' I'm allergic to ice cream.
: '''Rex:''' How can you love milkshakes and be allergic to ice cream?
: '''Noah:''' Do you really want to hear him answer that?
: '''Rex:''' Look, I'm sorry. I know it's been a crazy day for you.
: '''Feakins:''' I woke up yesterday thinking I was just a regular accountant who loved rocks... Only to discover that I'm actually this super-important guy who everyone's after because I got some kind of amazing power!
: '''Rex:''' Lucky you. Move! Move! We're close. We're going to make it to Holiday.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, I can't stay here. We'll have to meet somewhere else.
: '''Rex:''' I see the perfect place.
: '''Black Knight:''' Let's end this game, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Black Knight?
: '''Feakins:''' I don't believe it. The Black Knight works at Bob's Biscuit Barn!
: '''Black Knight:''' Now that we've found you, there's nowhere to hide. It should not have taken the most advanced satellite system in the world this long to pinpoint them. The excuses can wait. Right now, I want this wrapped up.
: '''Noah:''' How did Black Knight know where we were?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know.
: '''Noah:''' Even if you make it to the Holiday, is Black Knight just gonna find us?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' When are we gonna get a milkshake?!
: '''Rex:''' I don't know!
: '''Feakins:''' I'm in a car. It's moving. I'm getting queasy back here.
: '''Rex:''' Then get out of the car!
: '''Feakins:''' Aah!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Be advised-- Primary target Feakins is to be recovered alive if possible.
: '''Rex:''' You know how I said we don't get through this, with or without my powers? Well, it looks like I was wrong. They're after Feakins. That means &quot;Noah&quot; has a shot at making a break for it and getting to Holiday. Do you understand what I'm saying?
: '''Black Pawn:''' Let the breakaway go. And stay on the primary target.
: '''Rex:''' Huh. I guess they're not afraid of me with you standing here. Which is... Awesome!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Pull up! Pull up!
: '''Rex:''' Mwah! Man, have I missed you!
: '''Noah:''' Guess I don't need this anymore.
: '''Rex:''' I can't believe that plan actually worked.
: '''Noah:''' Feakins still has to make it to Holiday.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, I'm not feeling so good.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa!
: '''Black Pawn:''' The primary target is unconventional. Ground units, reroute to intercept. We will cover.
: '''Rex:''' We're going after Feakins! Come on!
: '''Pilot:''' Ground units are down. Moving to pursue a primary target.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Stay on Rex. If we don't engage him, he'll tear us apart.
: '''Noah:''' Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Sit tight.
: '''Noah:''' Uh, where would I go?
: '''Rex:''' Mind if I borrow this?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Noah:''' Rex!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Providence Agent screams]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow! Hey, watch it! I'm still a little rusty here! These guys are tough.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Hang on to me!
: '''Noah:''' Aah! Whoa!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Where's Feakins?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on! This guy is killing me!
: '''Noah:''' Maybe he'll still coming.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't wait. Providence followed you here. What?
: '''Rex:''' We got him! Let's go!
: '''Noah:''' It's too late.
: '''Black Knight:''' Where is my visual?
: '''Black Pawn:''' They're just gone.
: '''Rex:''' What just happened?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's a prototype stealth device built into the lab. That's why I had to get you in here. It was the only way to get you out of Black Knight's sight.
: '''Noah:''' So, that's it?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's it. The good guys won.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, hey, by the way, doc, you're a big geology buff, aren't you? So, did we hook you up with the perfect safe house or what? You'll never have to worry about driving without a milkshake again.
: '''Feakins:''' Oh, it's great, guy. The only problem is the gas.
: '''Rex:''' Well, I'm sure we can kick in a little gas money, too.
: ''[Feakins farting]''
: '''Feakins:''' Yeah, that's not what I meant.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we can't stay.
: '''Rex:''' You got that right!
: '''Feakins:''' Wait. I just wanna say... Its not easy being thrown together with someone who can be a little, well... Difficult.
: '''Rex:''' Hey... You're not so bad.
: '''Feakins:''' Me?! I was talking about you!
: ''[Black Knight sighs]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive... With Rex.

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go-- Before Providence gets you too.
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
: '''Rex:''' Hmm? What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever.
: ''[Rex chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Get it? &quot;Root&quot;? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her!
: '''Circe:''' Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help.
: '''Biowulf:''' I will listen.
: '''Rex:''' Great, because--
: '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat.
: ''[Biowulf growls]''
: ''[Rex spits]''
: '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You may speak. This nanite you want-- It's not here. None of us have seen it up in the castle or the blast source.
: '''Rex:''' I didn't say up. It's down. White Knight thinks it's under the castle. Some other secure lab area.
: '''Biowulf:''' The primary chamber?
: '''Circe:''' It's under the castle? Van Kleiss always said it was forbidden for us to go there.
: '''Rex:''' You think he remembered to tell Black Knight that? Let me take it out of here.
: '''Biowulf:''' No! You're a traitor to your own kind. A lapdog to these humans. I've heard enough!
: '''Rex:''' All of us will fall-- All EVOs-- If she gets it. Black Knight is worse than you know. If I don't get the nanite out of here, Providence will take it.
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence! This is Abysus, the heart of the EVO world. Providence wouldn't dare.
: '''Circe:''' The sentries have spotted something.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I wonder who.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Black Knight, the assault forces are in place.
: '''Black Knight:''' The field is yours. We've secured the borders. No chance White Knight and his team will get in the country to interfere.
: '''Biowulf:''' The castle is surrounded.
: '''Rex:''' Standard operating procedure for Providence is to secure the perimeter, then close for attack. Black Knight will have snuck forces around back.
: '''Skalamander:''' How should we counter?
: '''Rex:''' Easy.
: '''Biowulf:''' You take your nanite. I'll decide how to deal with the invaders.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Deploy the collars. Rise. Forward. Attack.
: '''Rex:''' The nanite event blew away half the castle. This must have been deep enough to survive it. Huh? You hear that?
: '''Circe:''' No. Hear what?
: '''Rex:''' Uh... Nothing. This place would make a great rec room. Maybe a karaoke machine over there--
: '''Circe:''' Van Kleiss would send volunteers down here to try and get in. None of them ever came back.
: '''Rex:''' Well... That's encouraging.
: '''Circe:''' What is it?
: '''Rex:''' They're... I-I think they're nanites. They're following our lights. They can't see in the dark. I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?!
: '''Rex:''' Roll! Circe, sing!
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them long.
: '''Rex:''' You think this is why Van Kleiss always wanted me-- So I could get him in here?
: '''Biowulf:''' Providence has breached the castle. We can't hold our position much longer.
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be okay. I'll meet up with you soon.
: '''Biowulf:''' They've turned our own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do.
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared EVOs]''.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: ''[Circe gasping]''
: '''Circe:''' So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop the ones they've collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' Hyah! Unh!
: '''Biowulf:''' If we can't defeat them, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle. It's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What, then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh. Dad.
: '''Providence Soldier:''' Outer rooms of the castle secured.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I don't need you here, Black Knight. It's only a matter of time. We will take the castle piece by piece.
: ''[Skalamander growling]''
: '''Black Pawn:''' You are ours now. Down.
: ''[Skalamander grunting]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Rex is here. He will make you bow to us!
: '''Black Knight:''' This is all a diversion. Find Rex before he gets the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Yes, Ma'am.
: '''Black Knight:''' Either you do it or I will. I'm on my way.
: '''Rex:''' This place... Rylander had the same type of lab.
: '''Soldier:''' Security system engaged.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: '''Soldier:''' Intruder. Provide authorized identity or be terminated. Identify. Identify. Identify. Identify.
: '''Rex:''' Aah! I'm Rex! Rex Salazar!
: '''Soldier:''' Salazar genetype-- Accepted.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' There you are, you little troublemaker. You're coming home with the good guys. Uhh. Weird. Uh... I don't suppose you're looking for the karaoke machine? Running into you-- What a coincidence. Come down here a lot? Whoa! Missed me.
: '''Black Pawn:''' I have the nanite. Keep the boy busy while I get it to Black Knight.
: '''Rex:''' No!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' You two sure know how to make an entrance.
: '''Circe:''' The others are getting hammered by Provindence. They're barely holding them off in the dungeon.
: '''Rex:''' Gee! Van Kleiss has a dungeon. What a surprise.
: '''Biowulf:''' This is no joke. They might die because I came down here to save you.
: '''Rex:''' I won't let them get taken. I promise you that. But I need you to let me call the shots.
: ''[Biowulf sighs]''
: '''Biowulf:''' Very well.
: '''Rex:''' Circ, dungeon left or right?
: '''Circe:''' Left. The dungeon's the other way.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not looking for the dungeon. I'm looking for the scouts.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Nothing.
: '''Rex:''' Well, maybe a little something.
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Rex:''' Scouts. Classic Providence tactics-- So they don't get ambushed. Uhh. What is this place?
: '''Biowulf:''' The old reservoir. It goes to the river.
: '''Rex:''' Perfect. ''[deep voice]'' Scout to command. West wing, reservoir-- We've found a back way onto what must be the main EVO force. It's five times the size of what you're fighting.
: '''Black Pawn:''' Roger, scout. All forces, withdraw from dungeon siege. Report to west wing, reservoir. Ambush maneuver lambda.
: '''Rex:''' ''[normal voice]'' Get your troops. It's bath time.
: '''Biowulf:''' Now you bow to Rex!
: '''Rex:''' The Providence goons are contained, Biowulf. They shouldn't be any more trouble. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I--
: ''[She and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking.]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I always knew it might be impossible to capture the Master-Control Nanite in the heart of the nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We can fight. We'll double back and-- A-and then--
: '''Biowulf:''' Go! Get the nanite out of here!
: '''Rex:''' No! I promised you!
: '''Biowulf:''' You were right. That nanite is more important than anyone here. Including myself. I am the leader. I give the orders. Run!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex:''' They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them.
: '''Circe:''' I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. I want you to know, all this was never about me just using you.
: ''[Circe gasps]''
: ''[Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice]'' We all make sacrifices for the things we care about-- The people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it? They attacked Abysus. What's stopping them from attacking us for these nanites?
: '''White Knight:''' They will-- Sooner or later. That's why I want to turn the tables on them first.
: '''Rex:''' You know how to do that so we survive in one piece?
: '''White Knight:''' Not yet.

===Remote Control===
: '''Bobo:''' Providence goons are thick as fleas tonight, and I know fleas.
: '''Rex:''' We're gonna be late if we have to keep sneaking around.
: '''Bobo:''' After you.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex must have bailed on us-- Again.
: '''Cricket:''' He would never do that, Skwydd. And besides, he dad to fly all the way to Honk Kong on his own. Give him some time.
: '''Tuck:''' He's here! Everything okay, Rex?
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Cricket, Tuck, this way!
: ''[Skwydd grunts]''
: '''Skwydd:''' Ow. Yeah, I think I'll stick to ink.
: '''Cricket:''' We need to find Rex.
: '''Skwydd:''' He was supposed to find us.
: '''Tuck:''' How are we gonna--
: '''Quarry:''' Wrong. They'll be coming with me. Anybody got a problem with that?
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, yeah, they were here. This came out of Skwydd. Mm.
: '''Rex:''' Ew! If those Providence goons hurt them, I'm gonna--
: '''Bobo:''' What do you say you use a little of that aggression and get some answers, champ?
: '''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends? Quarry?
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry.
: ''[Quarry laughs]''
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: ''[Activates the mind-control collar on her neck]''
: '''Cricket:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Occupied Hong Kong-- What a dump! Where to, chief?
: '''Rex:''' I have no idea. How did he get away from Van Kleiss? How is he even alive?
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's cool. We're not going to hurt you. What's Providence turned into? This whole city is living in fear.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, we ain't gonna find my answers in this alley. I got a guide book. Ooh! A coupon for all-you-can-eat dim sum. What? A chimp's gotta eat.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, let's go. But keep moving. Maybe we'll turn up a clue.
: '''Bobo:''' Aw, this just breaks my heart. All that grub and no one to eat it.
: '''Monster EVO:''' Can you help a fellow EVO who's down on his luck?
: '''Rex:''' I can do better than that. Let me take care of this for you.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Ow!
: '''Bobo:''' I wanna order some chow to go. Give me some of those chicken feet, and give me the beaks, too.
: '''Rex:''' I thought that collar was supposed to make you mellow! What? Now you know Kung Fu? I don't have time for this.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, buddy. It looked like you could use some-- Hey, where'd the charity case go?
: '''Rex:''' He had to leave suddenly. All yours. I need some time to think.
: '''Bobo:''' More for me! Go off and think your brains out, pal. You know where to find me. Ah, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, my beak-dealing chum. And speaking of chum--
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''Bobo:''' Do I detect the delightful aroma of fish heads?
: '''Gamer boy:''' Hey, kid! You like video games? Want a cool job?
: '''Rex:''' I already have a cool job.
: '''Gamer boy:''' This is the coolest job you'll ever have. Mr. Quarry, pays top dollar for good players and I can set you up.
: '''Rex:''' Quarry? Tell me more.
: '''Huckster:''' ''[Cockney accent]'' Okay, kids. Looks like we're all here, right? Let me show you around.
: '''Quarry:''' What do you matter, the big fish? Time to reel him in.
: '''Huckster:''' This is all state-of-the-art stuff-- Exciting, new tech. You get to play as an EVO and go on a Crown Street. How cool is that?
: '''Rex:''' Hey! That looks like the EVO that jumped me.
: '''Huckster:''' We model our characters from actual EVOs. This is as close to reality as you can get.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You guys! Oh, am I glad to see you! I-- Take that back. You've been collared! Let me help you!
: ''[Skwydd hissing]''
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me-- Rex! You used to have a crush on me!
: '''Cricket:''' Ugh!
: ''[Cricket sighs]''
: '''Cricket:''' Rex, I'm so sorry. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't control it.
: '''Rex:''' I'm okay, Cricket. You've been working on that jab, though, haven't you?
: '''Cricket:''' They're getting away.
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
: '''Rex:''' Infrared. Nice move. Providence Convoy. Great.
: '''Cricket:''' Whoa! Aah! Ugh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Come on, Cricket. We do this all the time. Uh, hair. Please.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, give me some more of these deep-fried shrimp heads and a bunch of those fresh spring rolls. Hey, give me the stale spring rolls while you're at it.
: '''Female vendor:''' No more food! You have to go!
: '''Cricket:''' I recognize this place. It's where Quarry took us after we were collared. It's probably a setup.
: '''Rex:''' It's definitely a setup. You ready to go in?
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared EVOs follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
: '''Cricket:''' It's bad enough working for Quarry. When you have free will but this--
: '''Rex:''' Skwydd! Tuck! I don't wanna hurt you.
: '''Quarry:''' Glad to hear that, Rex. Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyus. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex! No!
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my EVO army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave. That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I'd had one for you back in the old days-- Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
: '''Cricket:''' Rex!
: '''Quarry:''' Oh, right. Cricket. Rex, be a good little helper and hold her down, would you?
: ''[Cricket gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Quarry:''' Rex? Rex! I command you to stop!
: '''Rex:''' I quit listening to you a long time ago.
: '''Skwydd:''' Rex, I'm sorry.
: '''Rex:''' Never mind, Skwydd. Help me with Tuck. Aah! Oh, man! These nanites are smarter than usual.
: '''Cricket:''' Hurry, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Whew! Don't think I'll be doing that again soon.
: '''Tuck:''' Thanks, man. Those all kinds of weird.
: '''Quarry:''' I've decided that you brats are not that valuable to me. Kill them all!
: '''Rex:''' We'll see.
: '''Tuck:''' Spinning donkey? Since when do street EVOs know Kung Fu?
: '''Rex:''' I know, right? How are you doing this? How are you controlling these guys.
: '''Quarry:''' I'm not would take an army of operators to control this many EVOs. I merely provide the funding and equipment. The streets provide the manpower-- Or should I say--
: ''[Quarry chuckles]''
: '''Quarry:''' Bratpower? And I paid top dollar for good players. At least by their sad standards.
: '''Rex:''' The arcade. All those kids!
: '''Quarry:''' Those brats were born to play games, which is what they think they're doing. And I thank your people for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never!
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex. You know what you've got to do.
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex. Go!
: '''Quarry:''' Once I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pop your head like a grape!
: '''Bobo:''' Oh, I am one stuffed monkey. Ooh, this might just be the year I floss. Hey! I know that noise. That's Rex. I'm coming, champ!
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, I better take it easy, or I'm gonna deliver a street pizza.
: ''[Bobo groans]''
: '''Female vendor:''' Next time, you're on the menu!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Unh!
: '''Quarry:''' You were a good earner once, Rex. But lately, you've been costing me too much.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: '''Quarry:''' Now... you... pay!
: '''Cricket:''' No tongues!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Rex:''' Hyah!
: ''[Quarry laughs evilly]''
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.
: ''[Quarry grunting]''
: '''Quarry:''' What?
: ''[Quarry straining]''
: '''Quarry:''' No! Unh! No! AAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Bad move, Quarry. Now, where's the &quot;off&quot; switch? Bingo.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' Okay.
: '''Tuck:''' Uh, what just happened?
: '''Cricket:''' Rex happened.
: '''Gamer boy:''' No way. We were actually fighting real people? I'm outta here.
: '''Tuck:''' Nice move, Rex. I guess Quarry eats it again.
: '''Cricket:''' Where is Quarry, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' He bit off more than he could chew. Speaking of which, I'm starved. Who wants to grab a bite?
: '''Bobo:''' Ohh. Hey, Rex, when are we gonna see some action?
: '''Rex:''' I, uh, kind of took the initiative while you were chilling out. Wanna get some dim sum?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Bobo:''' Uh, no, thanks. I've had all I can eat.
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Rex:''' Can we use your coupon?
: ''[Bobo gags]''
: '''Skwydd:''' You seriously thought you were gonna blow us off?
: '''Tuck:''' Not &quot;we.&quot; &quot;You.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' I came as soon as I could-- Honest.
: '''Cricket:''' You mean you didn't make a detour to Tokyo to buy anime?
: '''Rex:''' Okay, almost as soon. But it all turned out fine. And the most important thing is, we put a stop to that tech before there was enough of it to start a real army.
: '''Tuck:''' You can say that again.
: '''Skwydd:''' ''[Chuckling]'' Yeah.
: '''Rex:''' Now, hurry up and eat this before my chimp finds us. Mmm!
: '''Build worker:''' Okay, guys. That's the last of them. Provindence needs these machines on the next cargo ship. Let's move!

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man-- But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do-- Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say-- Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: ''[Circe sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought Providence had you at Abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the Pack?
: '''Circe''': The Pack? I-- Don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. Providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was-- Easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the Meta-Nanites. Did you get the one from Abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: ''[Circe yawns]''
: '''Circe''': Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: ''[Dr. Holiday yawns]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the Nanite Project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. Thirty minutes ago-- He activated it.
: '''Six''': Providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the Nanite Project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet-- Not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: ''[Dr. Meechum scoffs]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh-- It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, Providence attacked Abysus to get the Master-Control Nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a Providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. Providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: ''[Dr. Meechum whistling]''
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at Providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not-- I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?... Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me--
: '''Skwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Circe:''' You promised to protect me, Rex. Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You're your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for Providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted-- To turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter-- When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master-Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[to Caesar]'' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them!
: '''Rylander:''' It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational!
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' ''[to Caesar]'' Tell him, Caesar!
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master-Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master-Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master-Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master-Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master-Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' ''[to Caesar]'' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today!
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
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    <title>Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps</title>
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'''''[[w:Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps|Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps]]''''' is a musical [[w:Computer-generated imagery|CGI]] [[w:Animated series|animated television series]] that premiered on September 5, 2009 on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States. It is a continuation of the ''[[Angelina Ballerina (TV series)|Angelina Ballerina]]'' television series from 2001–2006; both series are in turn based on the ''[[w:Angelina Ballerina|Angelina Ballerina]]'' series of [[w:children's books|children's books]] by [[w:Katharine Holabird|Katharine Holabird]], the author and [[w:Helen Craig|Helen Craig]], the illustrator. The show was aimed kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 3 to 7.

==Series 1 (Sept. 5, 2009-Nov. 7, 2009)==
===Angelina's New Home / Angelina's New School [1.1]===

===Angelina's New Ballet Teacher / Angelina's Dance Partner [1.2]===
:''[In Ms. Mimi's class]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Now wiggle your nose.
:''[Ms. Mimi and the class in the classical music dance while bending down to their toes wiggle their noses. Ms. Mimi goes first bending down to her toes and wiggling her nose]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Angelina finishes the phone call with Alice and hangs up the receiver.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[mutters]'' I cannot believe my terrible luck! Alice has the sniffles! And now, I do not have a partner! What am I going to do?! 
:''[After Angelina gets off the phone with Alice and finds out that she --Alice-- has the sniffles, Angelina's doorbell rings.]''
:'''Viki''': ''[from the door]'' Angelina?
:''[Angelina sees Viki at the door and opens it. Viki hands the music player back to Angelina. And she --Vicki-- says to Angelina...!]''
:'''Viki''': Here is your music player back. 
:''[Then Viki tells Angelina the sad news about Gracie.]''
:'''Viki''': Guess what happened? 
:'''Angelina''': ''[disappointedly]'' What?
:'''Viki''': Gracie, she cannot be in the showcase. She has the sniffles.
:''[Now both of the girls --from Ms. Mimi's class-- Alice and Gracie have the sniffles. Viki got home from Gracie's house. And Gracie told Vicki that she --Gracie-- got the sniffles.]'' 
:'''Angelina''': Poor Gracie! And Alice has them too! 
:'''Viki''': Poor Alice! Well? See you later. I guess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts from Angelina's room --where Angelina was making a broom into a dancing doll and impersonating it to look like Alice-- to the lunchtime theater at Camembert Academy. In this scene, Vicki tells Ms. Mimi that her dance partner Gracie has the sniffles, and so does --Angelina's partner-- Alice.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[to Viki]'' Oh Viki...! I am sorry that Gracie has the sniffles. (That is, and so does Alice.) 
:''[Ms. Mimi hugs Viki in comfort. The scene cuts to Angelina with her dancing doll and sets her on one of the lunch tables. Marco comes up to Angelina with the clipboard. Then he --Marco-- says to Angelina...!]''
:'''Marco''': (to Angelina) Ms. Mimi said to tell you that you and your partner are going to dance in the showcase.
:''[Marco sees the &quot;dancing doll&quot; which Angelina created.]''
:'''Marco''': Wow! That is your partner? 
:'''Angelina''': Yes. 
:'''Marco''': But she is not real.
:'''Angelina''': Yes, she is. She is a real dancing doll. 
:''[After Angelina says this, Marco looks at the rules.]''
:'''Marco''': ''[to Angelina]'' The rules do not say, &quot;No dancing dolls&quot;. 
:'''Angelina''': Good. 
:'''Marco''': But it does not say they are okay either. I am not sure about this Angelina. 
:''[The scene cuts to Ms. Mimi now talking to Angelina.]''
:'''Angelina''': Ms. Mimi? I really wish I could dance in the showcase.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': You really want to be in the showcase. Do you?
:'''Angelina''': ''[crying]'' Yes. I really do.
:''[Tears run down Angelina's cheeks after she --Angelina-- says this.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': And are you willing to work hard?
:'''Angelina''': ''[in between tears]'' Mm-hmmm.
:''[Angelina --after saying this-- resumes crying.]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Then I will give you some extra time to come up with a routine. And instead of dancing first, you and your partner may dance last today.

===Angelina's Gift for Ms. Mimi / Angelina's Oldest Friend [1.3]===
:''[After the gift, decorations, and birthday cake got ruined.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[sadly]'' No gift, no decorations, and no cake! Not a very good birthday party!
:''[Angelina sniffles. The scene cuts to where Angelina, Viki, Gracie, and Marco are staring at the ruined birthday cake that Marco just made. Now they end up with no gift, no decorations, and no cake/treats/baked goods to share]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[sadly]'' We can't have a birthday party without a cake!
:''[Angelina, the girls and Marco know that they're too late to make or buy a new cake. Because there's no time to make nor buy a new one. They also have no decorations nor present either. The party for Ms. Mimi turns out to be ruined. However, before they give up, Polly hatches a plan. Polly runs to Angelina, Marco, Viki, and Gracie. And she whips out her untouched and uneaten leftover muffin from her bag.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[to Angelina, the other two girls, and Marco]'' We can (always) use my muffin as a cake.
:''[Polly knows she always has back-ups with plans if she has any whenever something goes wrong.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[takes the muffin from Polly as she has suggested to celebrate with Polly's &quot;treats&quot;]'' Thanks Polly. 
:''[So therefore, Polly's &quot;treats&quot; are served. The kids are set to have Polly's treats which are the muffins that she, Angelina, and their mom had made. The &quot;birthday treat&quot; is Polly's treats instead of cake. That is, which is a spare muffin.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Gracie''': Here's your card. 
:''[Gracie hands Ms. Mimi her birthday card.]''
:'''Viki''': We drew it ourselves.
:''[Polly sets out Ms. Mimi's birthday &quot;cupcake&quot;, which is actually a muffin with a birthday candles.]''
:'''Polly''': And here is your cake. 
:''[But Polly notes that it's really a muffin and looks at it half sadly.]'' 
:'''Polly''': Well, sort of.
:''[The mouselings and Ms. Mimi have Polly's treats; muffins instead of cake. However, Polly did say it was &quot;sort of&quot; like a cake/cupcakes.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[As the kids --Angelina, Gracie, Vicki, and Marco-- are playing their birthday song. Polly --on the other hand-- snuggles on to Ms. Mimi's lap. Ms. Mimi gently scoops up Polly and gently sits her --Polly-- down on her lap. She holds Polly close and hugs her --Polly-- on the belly and waist. Then she says...!]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': To be very good, all a gift needs is to have lots of love in it. 
:''[Polly hands Ms. Mimi the muffin with the birthday candle on it. Ms. Mimi --even though the real birthday cake was ruined-- does like muffins too.]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The others --Gracie, Vicki, and Marco-- have heard the word &quot;crickets&quot; from Alice. That is, since Alice was going to read the &quot;pretend class&quot; --Gracie, Vicki, and Marco--  the story &quot;Goldi-Mouse and the Three Crickets&quot;. Then --after the trio heard the word &quot;crickets&quot;-- they perform the chant &quot;The Camembert Cheer&quot;.]''
:'''Gracie, Vicki, and Marco''': ''[chanting]'' ''Pirouette left, pirouette right!''
:'''Alice''': Now what are they doing?
:'''Angelina''': The Camembert Cheer!
:'''Gracie, Vicki, and Marco''': ''[chanting]'' ''Tap your toes with all your might!''
:'''Alice''': That's not fair! I was going to read my story!
:'''Angelina''': I know. But..!
:''[Gracie, Vicki, and Marco are trying to do the &quot;Camembert Cheer&quot; which was taught by Ms. Mimi on them even though they should know that it is Alice's turn.]''
:'''Gracie, Vicki, and Marco''': ''[still chanting]'' ''Crouch like a cricket, then ready, steady, hop!''
:''Camembert kids never--''
:''[But before they can say the last word of their chant --The Camembert Cheer-- which is &quot;Camembert kids never stop!&quot;, Alice --who gets to the last straw-- screams out a big, long, &quot;STOP&quot;. She says it with her head shaking violently.]''
:'''Alice''': &lt;big&gt;'''STOPPPPP!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The others --Vicki, Gracie, and Marco-- stop chanting.]''
:'''Alice''': &lt;big&gt;'''IT'S...! MY...! TURN!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

===Angelina and the Hip Hop Kid / Angelina and the Broken Fiddle [1.4]===

===Angelina and Alice's Big Night / Angelina and the Giant [1.5]===

===Angelina's Musical Day / Angelina's Crazy Solo [1.6]===
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': And what role are you, Angelina?
:'''Angelina''': I'm the bird, mom. I'm playing the flute.
:'''Polly''': What kind of fruit? I love bananas, but they don't do any sound.
:'''Angelina''': Not fruit, Polly, a flute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': And don't play the fruit ''instead'' of a flute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Is Gracie okay?
:'''Marco''': She's ''quackers.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina, Gracie, Marco, and Viki''': Good morning, Ms. Mimi!
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[points at her throat]''
:'''Viki''': She's trying to say something.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[writes in her notebook]''
:'''Angelina''': It says she lost her voice.
:'''Gracie''': If Ms. Mimi lost her voice...
:'''Marco''': Oh no.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[gestures that she doesn't know]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[about Ms. Mimi calling everyone with music]'' It's gonna go on all morning.

===Angelina and the Irish Jig / Angelina En Pointe [1.7]===
:'''Gracie''': Sorry, Angelina, I did my best to stop her.
:'''Viki''': Stop me?
:'''Gracie''': No.
:'''Viki''': I was right all along. There is something going on, and I was coming here to say sorry to you. ''[cries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Viki, I'm really sorry for what I did to your music.
:'''Viki''': Then why are you always whispering about me and making silly secret plans?
:'''Angelina''': Because I wanted to make a surprise Irish party for you to say a really big sorry.
:'''Viki''': So that's what all the whispering and planning was about?
:'''Angelina''': Uh-huh.
:'''Viki''': Well, I'm sorry now.

=== Angelina and the Rock Band / Angelina's Lost Ice Skates [1.8] ===
:'''Angelina''': ''[after waking up]'' Polly, am I dreaming or is the ice skate show really today?
:'''Polly''': It's ''really'', ''really'', ''really'' today!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': How do I look?
:'''Alice''': Perfect. How about me?
:'''Polly''': Double perfect.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Hang on a minute, girls. Now you have a busy day ahead of you. You ''need'' to keep track of your time and your things.
:'''Angelina''': Don't worry, mom. We'll be the responsible mouselings of all in Mouse Land.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Do you have everything you need?
:'''Angelina''': Not at all.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': How about these?
:''[Polly reveals the lunch bags and Angelina gets them]''
:'''Angelina''': Oops.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Ahem. ''And'' these?
:''[She reveals the ice skates and Alice gets them]''
:'''Alice''': ''Double'' oops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[after seeing her and Alice's lunches being gobbled by birds]'' Sorry, I didn't know birds really like jam sandwiches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Oh no, oh no, on no!
:'''Alice''': Oh what?

===Angelina and the New Music Store / Angelina and Ms. Mimi [1.9]===
:''[As Angelina still raps --from the drum-- Ms. Mimi --as Angelina keeps going-- gets upset.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Angelina...? &lt;big&gt;'''ANGELINA...?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Angelina pauses and Ms. Mimi's shadow hovers over her.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': &lt;big&gt;'''COME AND SEE ME AFTER SCHOOL PLEASE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[As Ms. Mimi says this, Angelina knows that she is in big trouble.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene --after the lunchtime theater where Marco, Gracie, and Vicki were-- then cuts to Ms. Mimi's classroom. Angelina has to stay after school and she's in the classroom. That afternoon --after school-- Ms. Mimi has asked Angelina to stay after school for after school detention because Angelina was talking in class. Ms. Mimi is disciplining Angelina. In other words: &quot;The scene cuts to where Ms. Mimi is issuing Angelina with her after school detention&quot;. Angelina is seen in Ms. Mimi's classroom. She was making noises like the drum after being asked for quiet. So it cuts to where Angelina is in after school detention. She --sitting on a time-out chair-- is facing Ms. Mimi in front of her desk. Before assigning Angelina after school detention after school, Ms. Mimi talks to Angelina.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[to Angelina]'' So, when I asked for quiet, Angelina...! 
:''[Ms. Mimi then expects answers from Angelina.]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ...I really do expect to get it! I am surprised!
:'''Angelina''': ''[apologizing to Ms. Mimi for talking in class]'' I am sorry, Ms. Mimi. 
:''[It is true that Angelina has apologized for her unruly behavior in class. And she does promise it will never happen again. But even though Angelina apologizes --for her unruly behavior which was talking and Ms. Mimi asked for quiet but she did not listen-- she knows that sometimes an apology/promise does not cut it. Her behavior was still not okay. Really, she's still in trouble. Because in reality, if one apologizes and/or makes a promise --which is a promise to not do it again-- sometimes it does not allow them to get away with being punished. Sometimes it doesn't and therefore, they still have to pay the consequence. There are appropriate/common/natural/local consequences for actions. That means they --one and in this case Angelina too-- must be accountable for their actions. In this case --like for Angelina who talked in class-- she has to pay the consequence. She is ordered to stay after school and see Ms. Mimi to do after school detention. Possibly for a whole week and no drum day on said day. So --as a result-- Angelina is --in fact-- still in trouble. She still did something in class that she was not supposed to do. It was on purpose. Not only on purpose, but also a big no-no. So her &quot;apology&quot; does not work and she's still considered a wrongdoer --according to Ms. Mimi-- and must be punished or disciplined. Additionally, she --by extension-- is also held responsible for talking and disrupting in class. Although her after school detention was not seen, she still was assigned it by Ms. Mimi for being disruptive even though Ms. Mimi asked for quiet. Now Angelina has it for a whole week and she gets no drum day the next day or in other words, &quot;not this year&quot;. From this point, Angelina's &quot;after school detention week&quot; with Ms. Mimi --after school-- starts, and starting today. So until her &quot;after school detention week&quot; is over, there is no drum day nor any after school activities for Angelina. Because she is in after school detention with Ms. Mimi. We may be sorry, and we may make an apology/promise. But we are still considered a wrongdoer. An apology/promise alone does not erase the action you --and in this case Angelina-- did. In the meantime, Angelina is in trouble, she gets a week of after school detention, and she gets no drum day this year. Her turn for the drums --on drum day-- is dismissed.]''

===Angelina and Super Polly / Angelina's Dance Like a Cake Day [1.10]===

==Series 2 (Nov. 14, 2009-Jan. 16, 2010)==
===Angelina's Sleepover / Angelina's Noisy, Messy Lunchtime [2.1]===
:''[Angelina tries to talk her mom into letting her and Gracie and Vicki have a sleepover. Mrs. Mouseling is playing cards with Polly]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[asks her mother about a sleepover]'' Please, can Gracie and Viki sleep over? Please? Please?
:''[Mrs. Mouseling is playing cards with Polly. Then she turns to Angelina]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Angelina]'' Oh, Angelina? 
:''[Mrs. Mouseling tries to warn Angelina that a sleepover might not be a good idea. That is, as she asks...!]'' 
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Are you sure that a sleepover is a great idea?
:'''Angelina''': Why not?
:''[Mrs. Mouseling says to Angelina why a sleepover might not be a good idea. That is, as she says...!]'' 
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Angelina]'' Well, for one thing, they must not even be called &quot;sleepovers&quot;. Because no one ever sleeps.
:''[Indeed, that is true. True to Mrs. Mouseling's reason, if Angelina does have a sleepover, it must not be called a &quot;sleepover&quot;. Because no one sleeps.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts to daytime. When morning comes, Mrs. Mouseling turns on the light in the attic and wakes up Angelina, Vicki, and Gracie. She says a big, long &quot;RISE AND SHINE!&quot; in a singy-songy tone. Her &quot;Rise and shine!&quot; command in a singy-songy tone to the girls echoes through the attic window.]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[sing-songy]'' &lt;big&gt;'''♪ RISE AND SHINE (GIRLS)! ♪'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[The girls are too tired since they were up all night.]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Oh dear. You girls must have been up very, very late.
:'''Angelina''': Look, I think we broke lamp.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Luckily the lamp isn't broken. But you did break your promise. 
:'''Angelina''': I did break my promise. And I am really, truly, sorry.
:''[The scene then cuts to Angelina's school. Angelina, Gracie, and Vicki get back to school and end up extremely tired since the night before]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[narrating]'' I am not just sorry...! &lt;big&gt;'''BUT ALSO SO SLEEPY!'''&lt;/big&gt; Things are not looking very good. 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[about the girls being late for class]'' You girls are late.
:'''Angelina, Gracie and Vicki''': Sorry, Ms. Mimi.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': I hope you have learned your double pirouettes, Angelina.
:''[To practice for the performance, which is the next day, Ms. Mimi plays the song on the radio.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Mimi''': The only dance you can do on this state, it is &quot;[[w: Sleeping Beauty|Sleeping Beauty]]&quot;. So, I am going to have to ask you three to go home and go straight to bed. 
:''[Then she talks to the girls about a make-up rehearsal. That is, after she tells them that &quot;[[w: Sleeping Beauty|Sleeping Beauty]]&quot; is the only dance that they can do in this stage. From her --Ms. Mimi's--  previous quote, she says, &quot;The only dance that you can do in this stage is [[w: Sleeping Beauty|Sleeping Beauty]]&quot;. Then she --Ms. Mimi-- next says...!]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Then we have a make-up rehearsal later this afternoon.
:''[Gracie mentions that she and Angelina and Viki have the fair. That is, the Silly Hat Carnival. And she knows that she and the others may have to miss it since they are going to do an afternoon rehearsal for a make-up rehearsal.]''
:'''Gracie''': But that is when the carnival starts...!
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Angelina''': Oh no.
:''[After Angelina and Gracie have mentioned the fair since they had made their silly hats the night before, Ms. Mimi starts with the options.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[to Angelina, Gracie and Vicki]'' Well, if you like, you can do the carnival and miss the rehearsal.
:'''Gracie''': ''[smiles]'' We can?
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Yes. 
:''[But Ms. Mimi has another option if the girls go to the fair.]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': But if you miss the rehearsal, then you miss out the performance.
:''[Soon, the girls --Angelina, Gracie, and Viki-- have the choice between the performance or the carnival. If they go to the rehearsal and practice, they get to be in the performance. But if they go to the fair and miss the rehearsal, they are going to have to miss the performance.]''
:'''Angelina''':  Oh no.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': If you have not rehearsed, that would be not fair to the dance, the audience, nor to yourselves. Think about it girls. It's your decision. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene --after Angelina and the other girls Gracie and Vicki make their decision which had been shown at the school-- cuts to Angelina's house.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[is prepared for the fair]'' Woo-hoo! Carnival time!
:''[But Angelina has made a good choice to do the performance and not the carnival. So she tells Polly that she is not doing the fair. Polly still wants to go, but Angelina is not going to the fair.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[still holds her crown]'' I'm not doing the carnival this year, Polly. 
:''[This is the last time that Angelina mentions the fair.]''
:'''Polly''': But, it is the silly hat carnival.
:'''Angelina''': Why don't you wear my hat?
:'''Polly''': ''[as Angelina hands her hat to her]'' Wow! Me? For real?
:''[Polly might be able to wear Angelina's crown which Angelina had made with her friends the night before. She might even wear it to the performance too. That is, even though Angelina was supposed to go to the carnival. But since she and Vicki and Gracie had the choice from Ms. Mimi between doing the performance or the fair, Angelina made the right decision to go to not the carnival but the rehearsal]''
:'''Angelina''': Yes, Polly. It's all yours.
:''[Angelina heads out the door and off to rehearsals. Ms. Mimi did say, &quot;make up rehearsal&quot;]''
:'''Angelina''': Well, I must be going to rehearsals like I promised Ms. Mimi.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': That's my little girl.
:'''Angelina''': You mean, &quot;Your big girl&quot;. 
:''[Angelina hugs her mom]'' 
:'''Angelina''': Big girls keep promises.  
:''[Angelina leaves the house to the afternoon rehearsal with Ms. Mimi, Gracie, and Vicki. The scene cuts to night time and to Angelina who is now in her bedroom. Angelina --along with Gracie and Vicki-- did do the rehearsal. Now on the night before the performance, Angelina is preparing for bed. She goes to bed early knowing that she has plans for the performance.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[narrating]'' Now it is the night before the performance. So, I have big plans.
:''[Angelina now in her pajamas is seen getting ready for bed and preparing for the performance which is the next day. Mrs. Mouseling and Polly are watching her --happy that Angelina went to bed early.]''
:'''Polly''': Look! Angelina went to bed very, very, early!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': She is going to be one well rested little dancer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[After the performance is over.]''
:'''Polly''': Mommy?
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Yes, Polly?
:''[Like Angelina, Polly --when she is in school someday-- tries to talk her mother into a sleepover with friends.]''
:'''Polly''': When am I having a sleepover?
:''[True to Polly's question, she asks when she gets to have a sleepover too. And Ms. Mimi, she says...!]'' 
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': (A sleepover...?)
:''[Mrs. Mouseling laughs shortly. Then she sighs and puts her hand over her brow. She facepalms in response after Polly asks when she --herself-- gets to have a sleepover like Angelina. This means she would not want to have Polly doing the same thing that Angelina had. Mrs. Mouseling does this as if she rather not hear the word &quot;overnight&quot; again for a long time. Really, she rather not hear it again for a long time. It is true that Polly is little enough to have a sleepover. But Mrs. Mouseling does not want to allow sleepovers with friends in the house. Because Polly might have the same thing as Angelina. As for the &quot;overnight&quot; subject, Mrs. Mouseling would also mean that the only time Angelina and Polly --from now on and forever after-- can have an &quot;overnight&quot; is if they do it with her --Mrs. Mouseling-- and their father Mr. Mouseling. That is, such as camping and vacations in the summer. But not an overnight with friends.]''

===Angelina's Holiday Treats / Angelina and the Front Row Ticket [2.2]===
:'''Angelina''': ''[sadly]'' I have invited far too many people! Now everyone is cross with me!
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': There must be a solution. Let's think.
:''[Angelina's frown turns into a smile for planning a solution]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[for one solution]'' Maybe we (me, Mom, Alice, and Vicki) could bring Polly in a very big purse...!
:''[The scene cuts to the said theater where &quot;The Nutcracker&quot; where Angelina, her mom Mrs. Mouseling, and her friends --Alice and Vicki-- have a big, giant purse big enough for a mouseling that size to fit inside like Polly. And Polly is inside of it and indeed fits inside the giant purse. So true to what Angelina says, her first idea is Polly in a giant purse. When that does not work, Angelina says...!]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[for a second solution]'' Or Vicki could dress up as a pet canary...!
:''[The next scene shows to where the said theater where Angelina and Alice have Viki in a bird cage and Viki is dressed up as a pet canary]''
:'''Angelina''': The theater, they might not allow pets.
:''[The third scene shows to the said theater where Alice and Viki are dressed up as a conjoined twin or &quot;conjoined sister&quot;]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[for a third solution]'' Or, maybe they could come as a two headed lady!
:''[However, Angelina knows the correct truth of what would happen if she and her friends try one of those three false solutions --Polly in a giant purse, Vicki as a pet canary, or Alice and Vicki dressing up like a two headed lady.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[as the scene cuts back to reality]'' On second thought, none of that may work. Oh dear!
:''[Polly taunts Angelina that she is going to the nutcracker. She dances with the nutcracker doll]''
:'''Polly''': ''[sing songy]'' ♪ &lt;big&gt;'''POLLY'S GOING TO THE NUTCRACKER!'''&lt;/big&gt; ♪
:'''Angelina''': Oh, what can I do?
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': You have a hard solution to make. But I know you may think of something fair.
:'''Angelina''': ''[has a solution]'' Well, there is one thing I can do. But it's a super, super, duper tough thing to do. Really, truly, hard.
:''[The scene cuts to night]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[narrating]'' I did the super tough solution. I gave up my tickets so Polly, Alice, and Vicki could go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[hands Mrs. Mouseling the tickets]'' You are not going to go very far without these. 
:''[As Mr. Mouseling reveals the tickets to Mrs. Mouseling, it is shown that there is a ticket for Mrs. Mouseling, a ticket for Polly, a ticket for Alice, and a ticket for Vicki. Then Mrs. Mouseling sadly walks over to Angelina, then she takes pity over Angelina, even though Angelina did her best.]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Angelina]'' I am sorry, dear. 
:''[Mrs. Mouseling kisses Angelina.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Your friends and I really wish that we could buy another ticket.
:'''Angelina''': Me too. 
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': We are proud of you for making a grown up choice.
:'''Angelina''': Thanks, Dad. Are you sure my name is on the waiting list to see &quot;The Nutcracker&quot;?
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': Yes. But we cannot get a hopes up.

===Angelina Keeps the Peace / Angelina and Alice Mousikova [2.3]===

===Angelina and Gracie's Creative Day / Angelina's Big Part [2.4]===

===Angelina and the Tummy Butterflies / Angelina and the Magician [2.5]===

===Angelina Cheerleader / Angelina's Ballet School [2.6]===

===Angelina and the Roquefort's Rhythmic Ghost / Angelina's Lunch Table [2.7]===

===Angelina and the Big News / Angelina's Secret Valentine [2.8]===

===Angelina and the Front Page / Angelina's Cheese Roll [2.9]===

===Angelina and the Musical Plant / Angelina's Hip Hop Boys Show [2.10]===

==Series 3 (Jan. 23, 2010-Apr. 3, 2010)==
===Angelina and the Cheddar Cheese Slide / Angelina and the Case of the Missing Music [3.1]===
:''[Polly drawing a picture --now running out of paper-- asks Mrs. Matilda Mouseling for more paper.]''
:'''Polly''': Mom? Pretty please with cheese...? Can I have some paper?
:'''Mrs. Matilda Mouseling''': In a minute, Polly.

===Angelina, the Pet Sitter / Angelina and the Music Box [3.2]===
:''[Angelina is unsure of whether she broke the music box --after she hid Polly's music box, put it on a pile of boxes, and it dropped-- but she pleads at it to still work.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to the music box and pleading]'' Please work! Please work! Please work! 
:''[The music box seems to be working again, but then it makes a squealching noise. Polly --when she hears the squealching and distorted noise-- wakes up from the sound of it.]''
:'''Polly''': Huh? What was that loud noise?
:'''A.J''': I was rapping.
:''[A.J makes rapping sounds.]''
:'''Polly''': Waltz time. 
:''[Angelina hands Polly the music box. Polly is unaware that the music box is broken. That is, until she turns on the music box. And the music box makes a distorted music sound.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[gasps]'' &lt;big&gt;'''OH NO! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MUSIC BOX!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Angelina''': It is fine. Try it again. 
:''[Polly turns on the music box again. The music from Polly's music box makes a distorted music sound. Angelina tries to sing the lyrics to the song from the music box to cover up the fact that it's broken. As Polly waltzes, Angelina --trying to cover up the truth about the music box being broken-- sings to it, but she is interrupted by a sneeze. As a result, she sneezes instead.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[sneezing]'' Ah-choo!
:'''Polly''': La, la...! &lt;big&gt;'''AND &quot;ACHOO&quot;?!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Then she turns to Angelina about Angelina's song even though the music box is really broken.]''  
:'''Polly''': &lt;big&gt;'''THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG GOES!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Angelina --still trying to cover up the truth-- continues her song.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[sings two more hums but sneezes again, this time with a big sneeze and it's bigger than her first sneeze]'' &lt;big&gt;'''AH-AH-ACHOO!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:'''Polly''': ''[about Angelina singing the song]'' &lt;big&gt;'''HEY! YOU ARE SINGING THE SONG!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Now Polly has noticed that Angelina was trying to cover up the truth that the music box was broken, and Angelina did not even tell her. So Polly does notice that her music box is broken.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[about her music box]'' What is wrong with my music box?
:''[Polly --knowing that Angelina has been hiding something from her since she broke the music box in the first place-- after asking this, she wants an answer.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[pointing to one of the boxes on the high stack of boxes where she tried to hide Polly's music box in]'' It fell off the box and broke.
:'''Polly''': (I know it got broken. But how did it get broken?) How did it get up there?
:''[Angelina --knowing she has to tell Polly the truth-- explains everything and confesses that she broke the music box.]''
:'''Angelina''': Oh...! I am sorry, Polly. I should not have touched it without asking you first.
:''[While Polly was napping, Angelina was really trying to hide Polly's music box. But to hide it, it broke when Angelina put the music box on a high stack of boxes and it fell down to the floor.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears and before crying]'' Oh no! Now Princess Polly cannot waltz! And I love to waltz! 
:''[Polly lifts up her head and cries.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' Waah! 
:'''Angelina''': Don't cry Polly. 
:''[Polly cries and a tear rolls down her cheek.]''
:'''Angelina''': Maybe I can try to fix it.
:''[Well, Polly briefly stops crying after Angelina says this. Angelina, she tries to fix the music box by shaking it. But the wind-up key/wind-up button --attached to the front of the music box and which turns the music on and off-- breaks off and lands on the ground.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[gasps]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU MADE IT EVEN MORE BROKENER!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Polly lifts up her head and resumes crying.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' Waah! 
:'''Alice''': ''[to Polly and comforts her]'' I am sure that you can get a new music box, Polly. (Perhaps your mom can help you fix or replace it.) 
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Alice]'' I don't think so. It must be very, very, old. 
:''[Polly cries --jumping from foot to foot-- and says...!]''
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I NEED MY MUSIC BOX! I WANT TO WALTZ!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''A.J.''': Wait a minute. You do not need the music box to waltz, Polly.

===Angelina and the Dance-A-Thon / Angelina and the Art Show [3.3]===

===Angelina's Hiccups / Angelina and the Must-Have Ballet Bag [3.4]===

===Angelina's Room / Angelina's Camembert Parade [3.5]===
:'''Angelina''': I heard you playing the harmonica. Do you mind if I come in and listen?
:'''Gracie''': Of course not, Angelina.
:'''Angelina''': I'm sorry I've been such a grouchy mouse.
:'''Gracie''': I'm sorry I ruined your reading. Maybe we could read your book together.
:'''Angelina''': I've got a better idea. Let's do the pirate dance just once before we go to sleep.
:'''Gracie''': Qui.

===Angelina and the Band Leader	/ Angelina and Polly's Two-Hour Show [3.6]===

===Angelina and the Marcel Mouseau Mime Challenge / Angelina and the Dance Craze [3.7]===
:'''Polly''': ''[after hearing from Angelina that Marco cannot speak until 6 o'clock]'' Oh. I don't like it when Marco does not speak.
:''[Polly runs up to Marco.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in a sneaky little sister smile]'' I am going to make him!
:''[Polly tickles Marco on the tummy. She does it to make Marco speak. So she says...!]''
:'''Polly''': Tickle, tickle, tickle.
:''[Polly tickles Marco on the tummy --this time pinning him to the floor with herself on him-- and says the same thing while tickling him to make him speak. That is, as she says...!]''
:'''Polly''': Tickle, tickle, tickle.
:''[Marco laughs silently because it tickles. Then Angelina laughs and taunts Marco about Polly. That is, as she --Angelina-- says...!]'' 
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Marco]'' Sorry, Marco. I wish I could stop her. But I can't tell you how little sisters are!
:''[Angelina --upon saying this-- she watches in horror. Then with a sneaky smile, she says to Marco she wishes that she could speak for him, but he should know how little sisters are.]''

===Angelina and the Mouselinghood of the Dancing Shoes / Angelina and Her Parent's Dance Lesson [3.8]===

===Angelina and the New Jeans / Angelina and the Poster [3.9]===
:'''Angelina''': ''[she is paired up with not Alice; but Marco]'' But I want to pair with Alice! Alice and I already talked about it!
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Sorry, Angelina. But you and Alice always pair up together. And this time I want you to be with someone else (like Marco). That way you can explore different approaches and styles.
:''[According to Ms. Mimi, Angelina and Alice always pair together. But Ms. Mimi says Angelina should be with someone else so she &quot;explores different approaches and styles&quot;. As a result, Angelina is paired with one of the boys. And it is Marco]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[After wasting one too many sheets of paper for the poster]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[hands Angelina a new sheet of paper for the poster after Angelina has asked for a new one to &quot;start again&quot;, but sadly tells Angelina that it is the last one]'' This is the last one I am afraid, Angelina.
:''[Angelina takes the sheet of paper. The scene cuts to the dance studio.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Marco about the last piece of paper]'' Well, I don't know what to do!

===Angelina's Nature Dance / Angelina's Spring Fling [3.10]===
:''[Angelina gets an idea of a nature dance without any little sisters around. Earlier, in the bumblebee dance, Polly --who wanted to be a bumblebee like Angelina and the big girls-- showed up and tried to tag along with Angelina. And she pretended to be a bee.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Vicki, Alice, and Gracie]'' I have the most stupendous idea where we can go. 
:''[Angelina and the other girls --Vicki, Alice, and Gracie-- exit down the stairs and off to the park.]'' 
:'''Angelina''': Lots of nature. And no little sisters.
:''[The scene cuts to Polly and Mrs. Mouseling. Polly snuggles onto her mom's lap and cries. Polly is crying because she does not ever get to spend time with Angelina and her friends. Angelina was nasty to her when Polly herself was trying to be a bumblebee with Angelina, Vicki, Alice, and Gracie. Polly was tagging along when Angelina and her friends were doing the bumblebee dance. And she wanted to be a bee with Angelina and the other big girls. Tears roll down Polly's cheeks, and Polly --because she never gets to spend time with Angelina and the big girls-- cries.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears]'' That's not fair! I wanted to stay and be a bee with all the big girls!
:''[Polly --after saying this-- resumes crying. Mrs. Mouseling comforts Polly. She hugs Polly on her lap after Angelina had made her cry. And Mrs. Mouseling, she says to Polly...!]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Polly]'' I know dear. 
:''[Mrs. Mouseling --with Polly on her lap-- hugs Polly.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[continues to Polly]'' But you will be a big girl one day.
:''[Polly stops crying. It is not long until Angelina has asked her mom about doing a nature dance at the park.]'' 
:'''Angelina''': Mom? Can we bring a snack?
:'''Gracie''': To take out to the park?
:'''Alice''': We need to get lots of ideas from nature.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[giggles]'' I do not see why not. 
:''[Polly has just heard about going to the park. Then she asks Angelina if she can come.]''
:'''Polly''': Hooray! 
:''[Polly invites herself over.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[to Angelina]'' May I come?
:''[Angelina thinks sadly and sighs. In a concerned expression, she tries to think whether she should let Polly join her and her friends Alice, Vicki, and Gracie at the park for nature dances. However, she really wants it to not happen because she left out Polly when Polly wanted to be a bumblebee like the big girls. It seems that Angelina is unsure of whether or not Polly should join.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[asks Angelina again]'' Pretty please with cheese?
:''[After Polly's &quot;cry&quot; and complaint about her always being left out on spending time with Angelina and the other big girls, Mrs. Mouseling turns to Angelina. And she says...!]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[tells Angelina to be a good big sister and invite her little sister Polly]'' Please, Angelina. Please be a good big sister now.
:''[Angelina sighs again upon hearing this from Mrs. Mouseling-- to &quot;be a good big sister&quot; and let Polly come. Polly was crying because she never gets to spend time with Angelina and the other big girls. So as a result, after Angelina's mother tells Angelina to be a good big sister on Polly, Polly gets to join. Then the scene cuts to the park. Polly has invited herself along to the park with Angelina and her friends. And what's more, since Mrs. Mouseling told Angelina to &quot;be a good big sister&quot; and let Polly come, Angelina is forced to take Polly along on the collaboration with her friends.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[mimics a bumblebee again]'' Bzz! Bzz! Bzz! Bzz! Bzzzz!
:''[The scene goes to Angelina and Gracie --who are taking a picnic basket with after school snacks inside-- and Angelina turns to Polly and looks at her who is still acting like a bumblebee.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[annoyed and to Polly who is still pretending to be a bee]'' Okay, relax Polly! We are not being bees anymore!
:''[As a result, Angelina thinks it is bad enough that Polly was being a bumblebee when she and the other girls were doing the &quot;[[w:The Flight of the Bumblebee|Flight of the Bumblebee]]&quot; dance for nature dances and has to deal with it. But now, she is forced to take Polly along on the collaboration with her friends for other nature dances --which is to the park-- after Polly invited herself. And she has to deal with that too.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[to her friends]'' &lt;big&gt;'''NO SHE IS NOT! SHE IS JUST SHOWING OFF! SHE IS RUINING EVERYTHING!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Angelina is sick and tired of Polly tagging along and inviting herself.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to her friends]'' We are never going to have our dance ready! I wish Polly just stayed at home! 
:''[At that, what Angelina means by that is, she wishes that Polly would disappear. Angelina glares at Polly. The scene cuts to the teary-eyed Polly. Polly --hearing this from her nasty big sister-- tearfully looks at Angelina. Then she stands up and runs away crying.]'' 
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' (Insert crying sounds here)! 
:''[Vicki calls out after her and --offscreen-- comforts her.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Alice and Gracie]'' I am tired of Polly always tagging along all the time! She is always getting in the way!

==Series 4 (Sept. 4, 2010-Nov. 13, 2010)==
===Angelina's Fancy Tutu / Angelina and the Musical Theater [4.1]===

===Angelina and the Heart on Ice / Angelina's Kitchen Band [4.2]===

===Angelina and the Carnival / Angelina Jumps the River [4.3]===

:''[The scene is in Angelina's mind where Polly is having her party. While Angelina is at the carnival with her friends, Polly is having an &quot;unhappy birthday&quot; because Angelina is not at her party. Mrs. Mouseling, she consoles Polly and says...!]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Polly]'' What is the matter, Polly? It is your birthday. You should be having fun. 
:'''Polly''': I can't have any fun! 
:''[Mr. Mouseling and Mrs. Mouseling look on at their youngest daughter --who is not having fun at her party since Angelina is not here.]'' 
:'''Polly''': ''[before crying]'' &lt;big&gt;'''THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Polly --after saying this-- she buries her face in her hands and cries.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' &lt;big&gt;'''BOO HOO!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Polly takes her hands off her face and --tearfully-- looks at the viewers in between tears.]'' 
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears and before resuming crying]'' &lt;big&gt;'''BECAUSE ANGELINA IS NOT HERE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The --now-- teary-eyed Polly --after saying this-- she resumes crying. Then she hugs her mother's waist. She is crying because it's her birthday and wishes Angelina was part of it.]''

===Angelina and the Windy Children's Day / Angelina and Ms. Mimi's Dance [4.4]===

:''[At the dance stage.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[in between flashback narration lines]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WHAT A DAY!'''&lt;/big&gt; First that big gust of wind, then Mr. Chirpyface dropped my lunch! The protein bars did not fill me up! And I wasn't able to dance in the dance studio because of the waxed floor! But now, I am not only hungry! I am also really thirsty! 
:''[The scene cuts from the dance stage to Ms. Mimi's story. And back to Ms. Mimi's story, the scene is shown in the classroom. In this scene, Ms. Mimi whips out her water bottle and tries to drink some water. That is, while she is grading and correcting the multiplication quiz packets.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[narrating]'' Luckily, I remembered to pack my water bottle.
:''[But before she can take a drink, her water bottle spills. And there is water all over the multiplication test. So the final straw happens where she --Ms. Mimi-- accidentally spills water --from her water bottle-- on her desk and on the multiplication test.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[sadly --after she had spilled her water]'' Oh dear! 
:''[Ms. Mimi picks up the multiplication quiz.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': &lt;big&gt;'''MY PROBLEMS ARE MULTIPLYING!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[As she says this, she holds out the multiplication quiz. And she acts like the multiplication problems on it are her problems.]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[narrating]'' I dried off the multiplication test. That is, when I was met with a happy surprise.

===Angelina and the Mini Mouseling / Angelina's Helpful Friend [4.5]===

:''[Alice --as her &quot;unsuccessful character&quot; Baby Bear-- breaks the chair.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Alice]'' &lt;big&gt;'''ALICE!?'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Angelina gasps. And she next says...!]'' 
:'''Angelina''': ''[continues]'' Goldi-Mouse, she was supposed to break that chair during the real performance!

===Angelina's Mother's Day / Angelina's Father's Day Surprise [4.6]===
:''[At the dance class on Saturday.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Repeat after me just the way I am speaking.
:''[Ms. Mimi states a quiet sentence.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[whispers]'' Today, we are going to learn the word &quot;dynamics&quot;.
:'''All''': ''[say the same sentence and they whisper it like Ms. Mimi]'' Today, we are going to learn the word &quot;dynamics&quot;.
:''[Ms. Mimi states a loud sentence.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[says the sentence again but in a loud voice]'' &lt;big&gt;'''TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEARN THE WORD &quot;DYNAMICS&quot;!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''All''': ''[they say the same sentence again like Ms. Mimi --but repeat it in a loud voice]'' &lt;big&gt;'''TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEARN THE WORD &quot;DYNAMICS&quot;!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Good. 
:''[After they repeat the same phrase --but in a loud voice-- Ms. Mimi asks them what they think the difference was between the two sentences.]''
:'''Ms. Mimi''': ''[then to Angelina, Vicki, Gracie and Marco]'' What is different about those two sentences? 
:''[Angelina raises her hand]'' 
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Yes, Angelina?
:''[Even those two sentences are the same --the same phrase-- Angelina raises her hand. Then --despite the fact the sentence was the same-- she explains what the difference was between the two sentences.]'' 
:'''Angelina''': The first one is soft. The second one is loud.
:'''Ms. Mimi''': Exactly. We changed the dynamics. First the loudness, then the softness.
:''[So the similarity between those two sentences was that they are the same phrase --&quot;Today we are going to learn the word 'dynamics'&quot;. But the difference was, the sentence --said the first time-- was quiet, but the one --said the second time-- was loud. That is how the second sentence is different from the first.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[narrating]'' Right after breakfast, Mom put her feet up. And we got to work.
:''[Mrs. Mouseling is reading a book]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': I am looking forward to a peaceful rest.
:''[Angelina and Polly are singing a song called &quot;[[w: Itsy Bitsy Spider|The Itsy, Bitsy, Spider]]&quot; while putting the books away for their mom]''
:'''Angelina and Polly''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ The itsy, bitsy, spider went up the water spout. ♪''
:''♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out. ♪''
:''♪ Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. ♪''
:''♪ And the itsy, bitsy spider went up the spout again. ♪''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': ''[as Angelina looks at the big mess after she and Polly made with the books that they were supposed to put away and made them into a tower]'' What is it, Angelina?
:'''Angelina''': We were going to give Mom a really nice Mother's Day (surprise and present). But we made too much noise...! ''[looks at the mess]'' And a big mess.
:''[Polly adds more books to her pile; then to Angelina after their said song hoping to try to get to have the same song or another song going on again]''
:'''Polly''': Are we going to build some more?
:'''Angelina''': No, Polly. We need to put the books away now. 
:'''Polly''': Okey dokey. ''[sings a non-lexical song; a song being an inanimate one]'' ''♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! ♪''
:'''Angelina''': And we need to do it quietly. So Mom can relax. 
:'''Polly''': ''[gets loud again]'' &lt;big&gt;'''OKEY DOKEY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Shhhh! ''[remembers the word her teacher Ms. Mimi had told her about the day before; which was about &quot;dynamics&quot;. Then she tells it to Polly]'' I know. Ms. Mimi, she was talking about dynamics yesterday. Loud music makes you want to jump around. Quiet music always makes you dance very softly. ''[to Polly]'' Polly? Do you want to help me?
:'''Polly''': Yes, please with cheese. 
:'''Angelina''': I want to sing a quiet little song. Can you sing along with me.
:'''Polly''': Mm-hmm. I guess so.
:'''Angelina''': And while we are doing it, we can put the books away.
:'''Polly''': Okay, Angelina.

===Angelina and Polly's Big Day	/ Angelina and the Smelly Cheese [4.7]===
:''[Angelina fears that the stinky Rodentfort Cheese --at the Fere Francaise festival-- it would drive the mouse residents of Chipping Cheddar nuts. And her idea was to tell Mrs. Thimble the truth nicely. To vote for what person to tell Mrs. Thimble the truth about the Rodentford cheese, Angelina plays the [[w: One Potato, Two Potato|Hot Potato]] rhyme with A.Z, Alice, and Gracie and taps on their fists. The fist who stops on whoever's should be the person to tell Mrs. Thimble.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[chanting]'' ''One potato, two potato,''
:''Three potato, four'',
:''Five potato, six potato,''
:''Seven potato, MORE!''
:''[When Angelina says, &quot;...MORE!&quot;, her fist stops on her own. That means Angelina is &quot;it&quot; and the person to tell Mrs. Thimble the truth about the smelly cheese.]''
:'''Angelina''': Oh dear!
:'''Alice''': Good luck, Angelina.

===Angelina's Indian Lunchtime / Angelina, A.Z. and Cheezy Z [4.8]===

===Angelina's Trick or Treat Feat / Angelina and the Laughing Poet [4.9]===

:''[Angelina is trying to get Alice a trick out to get her to be sad in the sad rhyme from the poem. Because Alice's character in the poem is the sad part/sad verse. Meanwhile, the scene cuts to another picnic table at the lunchtime theater. That is, where Gracie and A.Z are sitting in. Gracie sits next to A.Z at lunch in the lunchtime theater. She --Gracie-- looks at A.Z's moldy cheese --in his lunch-- and becomes disgusted about the stinky smell from the moldy cheese. That is, as a stinky scent from the moldy cheese comes out and catches up into Gracie's nose.]''
:'''Gracie''': ''[to A.Z]'' &lt;big&gt;'''P.U! MOLDY CHEESE! KEEP THAT AWAY FROM ME!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Gracie --after the scent from the stinky and moldy cheese gets into her nose-- smells the stinky and moldy cheese, turns her head away, and pinches up her nose from the moldy cheese's stinky smell.]'' 
:'''Gracie''': ''[stinking her nose]'' &lt;big&gt;'''PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Gracie walks away from the lunch table A.Z is sitting at --pinching up her nose. She gets disgusted because someone would ever have moldy cheese in their lunch.]''
:'''Alice''': Great rhyming, Gracie. But that is still not helping. 
:''[Gracie --stinking up her nose-- tells Alice about the stinky smell coming from the moldy cheese in A.Z's lunchbox. That is, as she says...!]'' 
:'''Gracie''': ''[through a pinched-up nose]'' That wasn't supposed to rhyme! I meant it!

===Angelina and the Dragon Dance / Angelina's Opera [4.10]===

==Film series (2011-12)==
===Angelina Ballerina The Next Steps: The Shining Star Trophy===

===Angelina Ballerina The Next Steps: Dreams Do Come True===
:'''Angelina''': ''[narrating]'' The next day, something happened which made my big dreams very small indeed. 
:''[The scene cuts to Polly and Mrs. Mouseling. Polly is crying because she does not want Angelina moving away to Metroquefort Ballet Companies Junior Ballet School --the said boarding school-- for her big dream. Because then, Angelina is moving to other places so she can travel around the world after boarding school. And starting the first &quot;move-out&quot;, it is boarding school. And beyond that, the &quot;Big Dream&quot; includes boarding school, college, group home after college, marriage, and eventually having own mouselings of Angelina's own. That is, and not just boarding school. Because Angelina is also going to face college, living in a group home after college, marriage, and eventually having children of her own. Angelina is in second grade this year, but in the beginning of September --and after summer-- boarding school --the first move-- starts. And it takes place in Angelina's year of third grade. Camembert Academy is for school age mouselings, starting with kindergarten. But it only is kindergarten to second grade. Angelina --to repeat-- is in second grade this year. But the move --with the first one overall being boarding school-- starts in her year of third grade. In the meantime, the viewers see Polly. She is crying because Angelina is moving away. And --in between tears-- she says...!]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears]'' That is not fair. 
:''[Polly wipes away a tear.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears]'' I don't want Angelina to move away for her big dream.
:''[Polly resumes crying. Mrs. Mouseling hugs Polly on her lap.]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[comforts Polly]'' I know dear.
:''[The big girls --Angelina, Alice, Gracie, and Vicki-- appear.]'' 
:'''Angelina''': Mom? Can we bring a snack?
:'''Gracie''': To take out to the park?
:''[Angelina sees her little sister Polly crying. And she --Angelina-- asks Polly...!]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to Polly]'' Polly? What is the matter?
:''[Polly turns to Angelina.]''
:'''Polly''': ''[in between tears --and to Angelina]'' I am sad, Angelina. Because you are moving away. 
:'''Angelina''': I am not leaving until next week, Polly. (Until after summer, I mean.)
:'''Polly''': ''[crying]'' But I already miss you.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[to Polly]'' Polly? Why don't you go to the park with Angelina?
:''[Mrs. Mouseling lets Polly off her lap so Polly can go to the park.]''
:'''Polly''': Okey dokey.
:''[Polly goes with the other girls to the park.]''
:'''Vicki''': ''[to Angelina]'' Meet you at the park, Angelina.

==Voice cast==
* [[Kylie Minogue]] as Angelina Mouseling
* [[Naomi McDonald]] as Alice Nimbletoes
* [[w:Jules de Jongh|Jules de Jongh]] as Marco Quesillo and Viki
* [[w:Jo Wyatt|Jo Wyatt]] as Gracie
* [[w:James Corden|James Corden]] as AZ
* [[w:Magda Szubanski|Magda Szubanski]] as Ms. Mimi
* [[w:James McAvoy|James McAvoy]] as Mr. Mouseling
* [[Emily Blunt]] as Mrs. Mouseling
* Leah Zabari as Polly Mouseling
* [[w:John Hurt|John Hurt]] as Mitchell Rodentia/Narrator

==See also==
* ''[[Angelina Ballerina (TV series)|Angelina Ballerina]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK television spin-offs]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Dance]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Cars 2</title>
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      <text bytes="63237" sha1="nu90y5o2xcaxumw5l85kqof8gs34wl9" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cars Logo Black.svg|thumb|The mission begins.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Cars 2|Cars 2]]''''' is a [[w:2011 in film|2011]] American [[w:Computer-animated film|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], and is the sequel to the [[2006 Gaza–Israel conflict|2006]] film, ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''. In the film, race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]]) and tow truck Mater (voiced by [[w:Larry the Cable Guy|Larry the Cable Guy]]) head to Japan, France, Italy and Britain to compete in the World Grand Prix, but Mater becomes sidetracked with international espionage.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], co-directed by [[w:Brad Lewis|Brad Lewis]]. Written by [[w:Ben Queen|Ben Queen]].''
{{center|'''The mission begins.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

[[File:Ferrari California (17271659202).jpg|thumb|Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is '''''triple''''' speed. Francesco is ''triple'' ''speed''. Oh-ho! Francesco ''likes''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the ''zone!'']]
[[File:Intelligence Community Medal for Valor.PNG|thumb|&quot;Who are you with? FBI? CIA?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Let's just say I'm a triple-A affiliated.&quot;]]
[[File:Trabant 601S Universal 1984 I.jpg|thumb|&quot;Fellers, listen, I know what you're goin' through. Everybody's been laughin' at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Yeah, but it's worth a shot!&quot;]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Leland Turbo:''' This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped. You won't believe what I've found out here. This is bigger than anything we've ever seen. And no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup. But don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful! It's not safe out''' here!
:'''Grem:''' ''[from Off-Screen]'' Let's go! ''[alarm went off]''
:'''Leland Turbo:''' Transmitting my grids now. Good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Where is Finn McMissile?
:'''Leland Turbo:''' ''[last words before he is crushed to death]'' You'll never catch him, he will stop you!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Finn has infiltrated an oil platform to rescue Agent Leland Turbo and observes activity from high above]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[suspiciously]'' What are you up to now, Professor?
:''[Finn shoots his harpoon line forwards which Pearces a balcony platform, them shoots his harpoon line into the wall behind him, then moves forward above the lemons them shoots his harpoon line diagonally, then bends down.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[speaking to a platform worker lemon]'' This is valuable equipment, make sure it is properly secured for the voyage.
:'''Platform Worker:''' Got it.
:'''Grem:''' Hey Professor Z, this is one of those British spies we told you about.
:'''Acer:''' Yeah, this one we caught sticking his bumper where it didn't belong.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Agent Leland Turbo. 
:''[Acer reveals Leland's crushed remains as Finn gasps in horror, but a fire erupts casting a large shadow, revealing his presence as Professor Zündapp looks up to see who it is]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' It's Finn McMissile!
:''[Finn starts shooting; The lemons scramble for cover, while others rush up the derrick]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' He's seen the camera! '''''KILL HIM!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Grem:''' ''[laughs, thinking he escaped Finn]'' He's dead, Professor.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''Wunderbar!'' With Finn McMissile gone, who can stop us now? 
:''[the scene switches to Mater]''
:'''Mater''': Mater. Tow Mater, that's who, is here to help ya! Hey, Otis!
:'''Otis''': Heh-hey, Mater. I, uh-- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but-- ''[tries to start his engine, but can't.]'' Smooth like puddin', huh? ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? I'll always be a lemon.
:'''Mater''': Well, dad-gum, you're leakin' oil again, must be yer gaskets. Hey, but look on the bright side. This is yer 10th tow this month, so that means it's on the house. 
:'''Otis''': You're the only one that's nice to lemons like me, Mater.
:'''Mater''': Hey, don't sweat it. Shoot, these things happen to everybody, Otis.
:'''Otis''': But you never leak oil!
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but I ain't perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my rust is tryna show through.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Luigi:''' Oh Lightning, welcome home!
:'''Flo:''' Good to have you back honey!
:'''Fillmore:''' Congratulations man.
:'''Sarge:''' Welcome home soldier.
:'''Sheriff:''' The place wasn't the same without you son.
:'''Lizzie:''' What? Did he go somewhere?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' It's good to be home everybody. ''[hears Mater Honking His Horn]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Aah!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Oooh!
:''[Mater stops at the crossroad in front of McQueen and lets go of Otis, who is moved along into Ramone's House Of Body Art as Sally and Flo dodge him].''
:'''Otis:''' ''[Stops And Comes Onto Wheel Ramps]'' Whoooa!
:'''Ramone:''' Hey, How far did you make it this time Otis?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater:''' ''[whistles]'' I'll take one of them. Thank you. Never know which one McQueen will have a hankering for. Hey, whatcha got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream?
:'''Sushi Chef:''' No, no. Wasabi.
:'''Mater:''' Oh, same old, same old. What's up with you? ''[looks at the bucket of wasabi again]'' That looks delicious! ''[the chef takes a knife and sets a small piece of wasabi on a tray, then puts it on the counter]'' Uh, a little more, please? ''[the chef adds more wasabi]'' It is free, right? ''[the chef adds more]'' Keep it comin'. A little more. Come on, let's go, it's free! You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop! ''[the chef gives in and scoops out a baseball-sized serving of wasabi]'' There ya go! Now, '''''that's''''' a scoop of ice cream!
:'''Sushi Chef:''' ''[bowing and speaking in Japanese]'' My condolences.
:'''Miles:''' And now our last competitor: number 95, Lightning McQueen!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Ka-chow! Thank you so much for having us, Sir Axlerod. I really look forward to racing. This is a great opportunity.
:'''Miles:''' Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Lightning. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this competition—.
:'''Mater:''' ''[screaming while runs; Miles and Lightning are shocked]'' Someone get me water! Aah! Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief. ''[Francesco laughs; speaks into the microphone]'' Whatever you do, '''''DO NOT EAT...''''' the free pistachio ice cream. It has '''''turned.''''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Sir Axlerod, I can explain. This is Mater. He's--
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' No, I know him. This is the bloke that called in to the television show. You're the one I have to thank.
:'''Mater:''' No thank you, This trip has been amazing.
:'''Miles:''' ''[leaks oil and blames it on Mater by telling him off]'' Ah... He's a little excited, isn't he?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[to Mater]'' Mater?
:'''Mater''': But wait, I... Oh, shoot.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Has anyone got a towel?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Fiercely]'' Mater, you have to get a hold of yourself; You're making a scene.
:'''Mater:''' But I never leak oil. Never.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[not believing his friend]'' Go take care of yourself right now. ''[As Mater drives off, a forklift and Axlerod notice Lightning, who grins sheepishly]''
:'''Mater''': Coming through. Excuse me. Leaking oil. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, uh-- Uh-- ''[accidentally enters the ladies' room, and the ladies scream and yell in Japanese]'' Sorry, ladies! ''[?]'' ? ''[?]'' Whoa! What is. ''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' There you are. Where have you been?
:'''Mater:''' What's a &quot;rendezvous&quot;?
:'''Luigi:''' Uh, it's like a date.
:'''Mater:''' A date?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, what's going on?
:'''Mater:''' Well, what's going on is I got me a date tomorrow.
:'''Guido:''' ''Non ci credo.'' (I don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido don't believe you.
:'''Mater:''' Well, believe it. My new girlfriend just said so. ''[sees Holley and waves]'' Hey, there she is! Hey! Hey, lady! See you tomorrow!
:'''Guido:''' ''Ancora non ci credo.'' (I still don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido still don't believe you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grem:''' I got to admit, you tricked us real good.
:'''Acer:''' And we don't like being tricked. ''[Rod chuckles]'' Hey! What's so funny?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Well you know, I was just wearing a disguise. You guys are stuck looking like that. ''[Grem pushes a lever, turning the magnet off, and causing Rod to land on a small platform, where one of the Lemon Cars pushes a fuel tank of Allinol towards him.]'' Allinol? Thanks, fellas! I hear this stuff is good for you.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' So you think, Allinol by itself is good for you. ''[presses a button, which causes some cylinders attached to the platform to turn Rod's rear tires and make whirring sounds as his status bar shows his speedometer going up]'' But after microscopic examination, I have found that it has one small weakness. When hit with an electromagnetic pulse, it becomes extremely dangerous.
:'''Grem:''' ''[moves a camera-like EMP generator forward]'' Smile for the camera.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Is that all you want? I got a whole act.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You were very interested in this camera on the oil platform, Now you will witness what it really does.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Whatever you say Professor.
:'''Acer:''' ''[as a Pacer comes up with a TV screen showing a picture of Rod with a Japanese pink car while in disguise]'' You talked up a lot of cars last night. Which one's your associate?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Your mother. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was your sister. You know, I can't tell them apart these days.
:'''Grem:''' Could I start it now, Professor Z?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Go 50% power. ''[Grem then pushes a lever beneath the EMP generator that causes the lens to light up and make whirring sounds, going to 50% power]'' camera is actually an electromagnetic pulse emitter.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with Shigeko]'' What about her? Did you give it to her?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' The Allinol is now heating to a boil, dramatically expanding, causing the engine block to crack under the stress, forcing oil into the combustion chamber.
:''[While Zündapp is talking, Rod's engine is heard cracking, then the oil is heard flowing.]''
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with a Japanese red Ferrari at a sushi stand]'' How about him? Did you talk to him?!
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[as smoke gets emitted from his tailpipes]'' What do I care?! I can replace an engine *block?*
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You may be able to, but after full impact of the pulse, ''[as Grem pushes the generator's lever to 75% power]'' unfortunately, there will be ''nothing'' to replace.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him With Mater in the bathroom]'' How about him? Does he have it? 
:''[Rod trembles upon seeing the image, which Zündapp then notices and looks at the picture.]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' That's him. He's the 1.
:'''Grem:''' Roger that Professor Z.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[his last words before he's exploded]'' '''''NO!'''''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[through cell phone to the Lemon Kingpin]'' Yes, sir. We believe the infiltrator has passed along sensitive information.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[through phone]'' Right away!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' I will take care of it before any damage can be done. ''[hangs up]'' The project is still on schedule. You will find the second agent and kill him. 
:''[Zündapp then pushes the generator's lever to 100% power, which the screen then shows the picture of Rod and Mater, zooming in as a reflection of Rod is shown, shaking as the generator's electromagnetic pulse gets more powerful, before he finally explodes, cut into the screen shows a distant view of Mount Fuji and a Japanese tower while the WGP theme begins]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Japan, land of the rising sun, where ancient tradition meets modern technology. Welcome to the inaugural running of the World Grand Prix. I'm Brent Mustangburger, here with racing legends Darrell Cartrip and David Hobbscap. There's never been a competition like this before. First, Allinol, making its debut tonight as the required fuel for all these great champions. Second, the course itself, and it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work?
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, all three of these street courses are classic round-the-house racetracks. ''[the camera shows the labeled in Japan, Italy and England]'' This means that the LMP and Formula cars should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion. Look for Francesco Bernoulli in particular to lead early. And with a series of technical turns throughout GT and Touring cars like Spain's Miguel Camino should make up some ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Francesco from absolutely running away with it.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoa, now just hold your horsepower. You're forgetting the most important factor here: that early dirt track section of the course! The dirt is supposed to be the great equalizer in this race.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' French Rally Car Raoul ÇaRoule Is Counting On A Big Boost Headed Through There.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' And Don't Forget Lightning McQueen, His Mentor The Hudson Hornet Was One Of The Greatest Dirt Track Races Of All Time In My Opinion, McQueen Is The Best All Round Racer In This Competition.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Really Darrell, I think you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Francesco's race to lose. ''[The WGP racers roll into the starting line to prepare to race.]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' It's time for find out. The racers are locking into the grid.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[closes his eyes as a pre-race ritual]'' Speed. I am speed.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[laughs mockingly]'' Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is triple speed. ''[closes his eyes]'' Francesco is '''''triple speed'''''. Oh-ho! Francesco '''''likes'''''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the '''''zone!''''' ''[revs his engine]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[complains about Francesco]'' He is '''''so getting beat today.''''' ''[revs his engine; the lights turn from red to green, and the first race is underway]''
:''[One Set Of Red Lights Turns On One-By-One Before Another Set Of Lights Beneath It Turns Green, The Races Start The First Lap With Raoul ÇaRoule &amp; Miguel Camino Leading Through The Narrow Streets Of Tokyo Before Raoul Gets Overtaken By Max Schnell, Carla Veloso, &amp; Miguel Gets Overtaken By Jeff Gorvette, Shu Todoroki, Lightning McQueen, Francesco Bernoulli, Nigel Gearsley, Lewis Hamilton, &amp; Rip Clutchgoneski Behind Him As McQueen &amp; Francesco Make Their Moves Around Jeff, Carla, Raoul, &amp; Max Which Francesco Takes The Lead With McQueen And Go Around The First Corner].''
:'''John Lassetire:''' Jeff, Your Tires Are.
:'''Bruno Motoreau:''' ''[Mumbling To Raoul].''
:'''Mach Matsuo:''' ''[Mumbling To Shu].''
:'''Giuseppe Motorosi:''' ''[Mumbling To Francesco].''
:'''Sarge:''' Your Suspension Sets Look Good.
:'''Luigi:''' Tire Pressure Is Excellent!
:'''Fillmore:''' He's Got Plenty Of Fuel.
:'''Mater:''' And He's Awesome.
:'''Crowd:''' ''[Chanting And Clapping]'' McQueen, McQueen, McQueen!
:''[The Screen Shows Finn &amp; Holley Inside A Building Overlooking The Pit Road And Have Their Eyes On Mater, Who Is Wearing A Headset].''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Why Is He In The Pits, He's So Exposed.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' It's His Cover, One Of The Best I've Seen Too, Look At The Detail On The Rust, It Must Have Cost Him A Fortune.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Using Her On-Board Computer Dual Trackball Platforms]'' But Why Hasn't He Contacted Us Yet?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' There's Probably Heat On Him: Be Patient.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Of Course, He'll Signal Us When He Can.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And Then We Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[Announcing]'' As They Head Into The Palace Hairpin, Francesco Builds An Early Lead.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Ah Hang On Boys, Here Comes The Dirt, Slipping And Sliding Baby.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, It's Time To Make Your Move, Get On The Outside And Show Them What Doc Taught You.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' 10-4 Mater.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' ''[As Francesco Struggles To Brake On The Dirt]'' Oh Boy, Francesco's Brought To A Screeching Halt!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[As McQueen Uses Doc's &quot;Turn Right To Go Left&quot; Trick To Overtake Francesco]'' Lightning McQueen Is The First To Take Advantage And Just Like That Folks, Francesco's Lead Is Left In The Dust.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Nice Call Mater, Keep It Up.
:'''Acer:''' It's Finn McMissile! But you're dead!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then this shouldn't hurt at all. ''[sprays both Acer and Petey with a fire extinguisher, blinding them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Francesco, Lightning, and Carla are on the podium]''
:'''Photographer:''' Francesco!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Francesco, over here. Hey, what was your strategy today?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Strategia?! Francesco needs-a no strategy, it’s very simple: You start the race, wait for Lightning McQueen to choke, pass him, then win. Francesco always-a wins, it’s-a boring.
:''[Lightning simply rolls his eyes]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I gotta tell you dude, you were in trouble for a while. That dirt track section had you crawling.
:''[Lightning Noticed Mater Returning To The Pits And Sneaks Off To Go To Talk To Him]''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[meets up with his friend in his pit garage]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Hey McQueen, What Happened, Is The Race Over, You Won Right?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Sternly]'' Mater, Why Were You Yelling Things At Me While I Was Racing?
:'''Mater:''' Yelling? Oh You Thought– ''[Chuckles]'' That's Funny Right There, No See That's 'Cause I Seen These Two Fellers Doing Some Karate Street Performance, It Was Nutso, One Of 'Em Even Had A Flame-thrower.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[With Worry In Disbelief]'' A Flame-thrower? What Are You Talking About, I-I Don't Understand, Where Were You?
:'''Mater:''' Going To Meet My Date.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Confused]'' Your Date?
:'''Mater:''' She Started Talking To Me As A Voice In My Head, Telling Me Where To Go.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[shocked In enraged]'' What?!
:'''Mater:''' ''[noticed his friend's angrilyerish glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily] '''I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!'''''
:'''Mater:''' ''[becomes shocked what his friend just said]'' Oh, I'm Sorry I Didn't Mean To.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[refusing to listen to his friend]'' An Imaginary Girlfriend—Flame-throwers—You Know This is exactly why I don't bring you Along to these things!
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I, I Don't Know, Talk To Somebody And Explained What Happened I Could Help. 
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[drives off, but is stopped by the paparazzi and Mater is left heartbroken]''
:'''Reporter #1:''' Hey, there he is!
:'''Reporter #2:''' McQueen, you had it in the bag!
:'''Reporter #3:''' Yeah, what happened?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I-I Made A Mistake, But I Can Assure You, It Won't Happen Again.
:''[Mater sadly walks over to the TV monitors]'' 
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Look Guys, We Know What The Problem Is And We've Taken Care Of It. 
:''[Mater sadly walks away]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[on TV]'' Lightning McQueen loses in the last lap to Francesco Bernoulli in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three, count 'em, three cars flamed out, leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Allinol, might be to blame.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[interviewed]'' Allinol is Safe! Alternative fuel is safe! There is no way my fuel caused these cars to flame out.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Well, the jury may still be out on whether Allinol caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure: Lightning McQueen blew this race!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Team McQueen Can't Be Happy Right Now.
:''[The Scene Changes To A Poster Of Team McQueen At The Airport As Mater Sadly Look At It And Moves Away With The 95 Sticker That Was On His Side Is Shown To Have Been Removed And Moves To Get Ready To Board The Plane, Grem &amp; Acer Are Shown Nearby Spot Him And Look At Each Other With Serious Looks, A Blue Car With No Tires Tries To Go Through The Metal Detector, But The Buzzer Goes Off So He Reverse To Looked At As Mater Joins The Queue, Finn Disguised As A Security Officer And Rolls Up To Him].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[wearing an airport security disguise, finds Mater at the security screening processes, speaks Japanese]'' Come with me please sir.
:'''Mater:''' But I'm gonna miss my plane.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Right This Way.
:'''Mater:''' Ah, doggone it. This is about my hook, ain't it? I know I should have checked it, but I can't really. ''[they go into the waiting room]'' Look, It's attached to me. ''[Finn takes off his disguise]''  Hey I Know You, You're That Feller From The Karate Demonstration.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Never Properly Introduced Myself, Finn McMissile: British Intelligence.
:'''Mater:''' Tow Mater, Average Intelligence.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Who Are You With, FBI, CIA?
:'''Mater:''' Let's Just Say I'm Triple AAA Affiiated, You Know I Know Some Karate, I Don't Wanna Brag Or Nutting, But I Got Me A Black Fan Belt, Hey You Wanna See Some Moves I Made Up?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' You're being followed.
:'''Mater:''' This First One I Can Reach Into A Car's Hood, Pull Out His Battery And Show It To Him Before He Stalls; I Call It, &quot;What I Accidentally Did To My Friend Luigi Once.&quot; ''[does some karate moves, crushing an oil can]'' Hey! Hi-yah-pah! Hi-yah!
:'''Grem:''' There he is!
:'''Mater:''' Hi-hi-tah! Huh! ''[realizes]'' Look, I probably ought to go. I'm about to miss my flight.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Grabbing Mater By His Grappling Hooks]'' Don't Worry, I've Taken Care Of That.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Being Pulled]'' Whoa!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Jumps Through The Hole]'' Hang On!
:'''Acer:''' ''[Grunts].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa-Hah-Hah! This Is First-Class Service, You Don't Even Have To Go Through The Terminal!
:'''Ucchi:''' ''[Speaks In Japanese].''
:'''Mater:''' Your Karate Partners Is Back There, They Kinda Look Like They Trying To Catch Up!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Drive Forward, Whatever You Do Don't Stop! ''[Spins Around, Making Mater Go Farward].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[As Everett As A Passenger Plane Heads Towards Them]'' Whoa!
:'''Everett:''' Whoa!
:''[Mater Zigzags Around Everett's Wheels, Gram Dodges Him And Prepares To Shoot A Missile As Finn Releases A Wheeled Motorized Jack, Which Comes To Him And Lifts Him Up At An Angle].''
:'''Grem:''' Whoa... ''[Releases His Missile Before Being Tripped Over]'' Aah!
:''[Seeing That Missile Is Heading Towards Them As Finn Releases Another At It, Causing The Two Missiles To Explode From Behind Them].''
:'''Mater:''' Is Everything Okay Back There?
:'''Siddeley:''' Finn, it's Sid, I'm on approach.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Roger that.
:''[Acer Is Shown Pulling Flatbed Trolleys Of Baggage Across The Runway, Blocking Their Path].''
:'''Mater:''' Member That Whole Thing About Me Not Stopping No Matter What?
:''[Siddeley Appears And Shoots Bullets At The Flatbed Trolleys To Make Some Of Them Go Up Into The Air And Clear The Path].''
:'''Mater:''' I Knew I Shoulda Done Carry-On!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[To Siddeley]'' Thanks Old Boy.
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Lands On The Runway But Still Moving And Opens His Back Ramp]'' You Got It Mate.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Seeing Holley Inside]'' Hey Doggonit Look It's My Imaginary Girlfriend!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Come On Get In Here!
:'''Mater:''' I Tell You What, You Really Do Want This First Date Don't Ya? ''[Holley Watches With A Shocked Face]'' There's A No-Quit Attitude Right There. ''[The Gunshots Are Seen Beside Them]'' What The...?
:''[Acer Is Chasing Them And Tries To Shoot At Them With One Of The Bullets Deflates One Of Siddeley's Tires].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Being Turned To The Left And Across The Grass]'' Aargh!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Hold On Sid!
:''[Siddeley Turns Onto The Grass As Mater &amp; Finn Follow With Acer Hot On Their Trails, Who Goes Into Another Runaway As Finn Fires Back At Acer By Hitting One Of His Tires, Causing Him To Turn Right].''
:'''Acer:''' Aargh!
:''[He Fly Up A Terminal Ramp Truck And Past Two Waitresses Inside The Plane And Land On The Fuel Truck's Tank].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Goes Through Some The Barriers By Knocking Them Down]'' Come On Finn, It's Now Or Never!
:''[Finn Spins Around So That He Is Going Forwards].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa!
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Takes Off Just Before He Can Hit The Barriers]'' Hold On!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Through Text On A Letter]'' By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Safely On An Airplane Flying Home, I'm So Sorry For What I Did.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Reading The Letter]'' &quot;I Don't Want To Be The Cause Of You Losing Anymore Races, I Want You To Go Prove To The World What I Already Know, That You Are The Greatest Race Car In The Whole Wide World, Your Best Friend Mater.&quot; ''[Looks Up]'' I Didn't Really Want Him To Leave.
:'''Guido:''' ''[Sobs].''
:'''Luigi:''' Wait, There's More Here. ''[Brings Out More Notes]'' &quot;P.S. Please Tell The Hotel, I Didn't Mean To Order That Movie, I Thought It Was Just A Preview And I Didn't Realize I Was Paying For It. ''[Moves The Note Aside To Read The Next One]'' PPS, That's Funny Right There PP. ''[Moves It To See Two Notes With P.P.PS. &amp; P.P.P.P.S]'' There Are A Few More Pages Of PS's Here.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Well At Least I Know If He's At Home, He'll Be Safe.
:''[Back In The Sky].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Now That's How I Like To Start The Day, You Never Feel More Alive Than When You're Almost Dead.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I Hope That Device Didn't Fall Off.
:'''Mater:''' Whoa Oh-Oh-Oh, That's The Closet I Ever Been To Missing My Flight That Was... ''[Explain s As Holley Pulls The Device Off Him By Her Telescoping Utility Arm]'' Oh!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Checking On The Device]'' Still In One Piece Great.
:'''Mater:''' I've Got To Go To A Doctor, I Keep Get These Sharp Pains In My Undercarriage.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Downloading The Photo Now.
:'''Mater:''' Hey Let Me Introduce You Two, This Here Is Finn McSomething Or Other, He's A First-Class VIP Airport Whatchamacallit. And Finn, This Is Here Is My Date. ''[Holley Looks Confused At Mater's Comment]'' I Never Did Get Your Name.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh Yes Sorry, It's Shiftwell, Holley Shiftwell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tomber:''' You Rusty Piece Of Junk, Get Your Dirty Hook Off Me!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Speaks In French To A Car In The Garage]'' Allez, Maintenant - Vite!
:''[The Car In The Garage Fless As Holley, Mater, &amp; Tomber Enter, Who Angrily Talks In French As Finn Closes The Garage Door So To Keep Anyone From Coming In].''
:'''Tomber:''' ''[Gets Released By Mater]'' Electroshock! Are You Kidding Me?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Easy Tomber, This Is Her Field Assignment, She Didn't Know You Were My Informant.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Informant?
:'''Tomber:''' A Rookie Huh, I Never Liked New Car Smell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Grumbles].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Tomber Was Doing 20-To-Life In A Moroccan Impound The First Time I Saved Him If I Recall Correctly.
:'''Tomber:''' Speaking Of Recalls, You're Getting Up There In Mileage Aren't You Finn?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' All Right We Get It, You Both Know Each Other You're Both Old, So Here You Go Informant: Inform Us.
:'''Tomber:''' Beuck, That Is The Worst Moter Ever Made. ''[Gasps]'' Wait, That Oil Filter, Those Wheel Bearings.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Do Those Parts Look Familiar Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' They Should, I Sold Them.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' To Whom?
:'''Tomber:''' No Idea, He's My Best Customer, But He Always Does His Business Over The Phone, I Was Always Wondering Why He Needs So Many Parts, Now I Know.
:'''Mater:''' Well A Lemon Needs Parts Ain't Nothing Truer Than That.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Lemon?
:'''Mater:''' Yeah You Know, Cars That Don't Ever Work Right, Lemons Is A Tow Truck's Bread And Butter Like 'Em Gremlins &amp; Pacers We Run Into At The Party &amp; The Race &amp; The Airport.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Pull Up The Pictures From The Oil Platform, I Want To Know What Other Type Of Cars Were Out There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Let's See Um, There Were Hugos &amp; Trunkovs.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Mater, Are These Cars Considered Lemons?
:'''Mater:''' Is The Popmobile Catholic?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, Everyone Involved In This Plot Is One Of History's Biggest Loser Cars.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And They're All Taking Their Orders From The Car Behind This Engine.
:'''Tomber:''' Ah, This Explains It!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' Gremlin, Pacer, Hugo, &amp; Trunkov Never Get Together, But They Are Having A Secret Meeting In Two Days.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where's This Meeting Taking Place?
:'''Tomber:''' [[Porto Corsa]], Italy.
:'''Mater:''' That's Where The Next Race Is!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then There's A Good Chance Our Mystery Engine Will Be There Too.
:'''Tomber:''' Your Chances Are More Than Good, I Just Sent Him A New Clutch Assembly Yesterday To Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Contact Stephenson And Have Him Meet Us At Gare De Lyon: Good Work.
:''[Mater &amp; Tomber Smiled And Nodded At Each Other Respectfully, They're On A Electric Bullet Train Named Stevenson Who Sped Through A Snowly Countryside Into A Tunnel And Watch Footage Of Each Lemon With Black Bodyguards Of Their Basis Who Hold Up Other Cars So They Can Past At The Traffic Lights].''
:'''Mater:''' Boy I'll Tell You What That Three-Wheeled Feller Had To Be Right About A Big Meeting, You Never See This Many Lemons In One Town; 'Less There's A Swap Meet Or Something. ''[To Holley]'' Hey, How'd You Get All Them Pictures?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Well I Remotely Reprogrammed Porto Corsa's Red Light Cameras To Do Recognition Scans.
:'''Mater:''' Wow, Not Only Is You The Purtiest Car I Ever Met, But You The Smartest Too.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You I Think.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticing A Blue Tow Truck Towing A Yellow Hugo In The Hugo Group]'' That's A Familiar Sight A Hugo Being Towed, But He Looks Absolutely Perfect!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Of Course, They Must Be The Heads Of The Lemon Families.
:'''Mater:''' Makes Sense If I Was Rich And Broke Down Every Day, I'd Hire Me To Tow Me Around All The Time Too!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We've Got To Infiltrate That Meeting, It's The Only Way To Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hang On Minute.
:'''Mater:''' What?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Takes A Picture Of Mater]'' Hold Still.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Affected By The Flash Of The Camera]'' Ow!
:''[Holley Connects Her Telescoping Utility Arm Into The Monitor And Moves The Image Of Mater's Front Over The Blue Tow Truck As Well As Making It Turn To Blue, Showing That They Look Similar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Ah-Ah, Good Job Miss Shiftwell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You Finn.
:'''Mater:''' Boy, I Sure Wish My Friends Could See Me Now.
:''[At Luigi &amp; Guido's village in Italy, Uncle Topolino talks to Lightning about his recent tiff with Mater]''
:'''Mama Topolino:''' ''[Speaks In Italian]''
:'''Uncle Topoline:''' She Said You Look Like You Are Starving That She's Gonna Make You A Big Meal And Fatten You Up.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh No, Mama Topolino Please, You Don't Have To Make A Fuss.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Capisco, I Understand, Is A Problem Yes Between You &amp; A Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' How Did You Know That?
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' A Wise Car Hears One Word And Understands Two That And Luigi Told Me. ''[McQueen Gives A Smug Look]'' While Mama Cooks, Come And Take A Stroll With Me.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Brought My Friend Mater Along On The Trip And I Told Him He Needed To Act Different That We Weren't In Radiator Springs.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' This Mater Is A Close Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' He's My Best Friend.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Then Why Would You Ask Him To Be Someone Else?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Thinking For A Moment]'' What Did I Do, I Said Some Things During Our Fight.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' You know, back when Guido and Luigi used to work for me, they would fight over everything. They fight over what Ferrari was the best Ferrari, which one of them looked more like a Ferrari. There were even some non-Ferrari fights. So, tell me them, ''va bene''! It's okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends. But you gotta make up fast. No fight more important than friendship. ''Chi trova un'amico, trova un tesoro.''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What does that mean?
:'''Mama Topolino:''' Whoever finds a friend, finds a treasure. Now mangia, eat!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephenson:''' Finn, one hour to Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[as Mater's siren light is fitted]'' Thank you Stephenson.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I think that should just about do it.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Perfect.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' So Mater, it's voice-activated. But, you know, everything's voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater:''' What? I thought you was supposed to be making me a disguise.
:'''Computer:''' Voice recognized. Disguise program initiated. ''[changes Mater to look like Ivan]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[chuckles]'' Cool! Hey, Computer, make me a German truck.
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater to his normal self, wearing lederhosen]''
:'''Mater:''' Check it out! I'm wearing Mater-hosen. Make me a monster truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a Count Dracula truck]''
:'''Mater:''' What the--? ''[imitating Dracula]'' Ha-ha-ha! I vant to siphon your gas! ''[normal voice]'' Ha-ha! Now make me a taco truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a taco truck; his horn plays &quot;La Cucaracha&quot;]''
:'''Mater:''' A funny car!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a yellow hot rod; he revs his engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[turns Mater back to normal]'' The idea is to keep a ''low'' profile, Mater.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lightning Is Missing Mater At The Race in Italy as the racers gather at the finish line]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' You Are Looking Live At Beautiful Porto Corsa Italy On The Italian Riviera, What A Magnificent Setting For The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, They Call This Place The Gem Of The Riviera And It's Easy To See Why With Its Secluded Beaches And Opulent Casinos, Porto Corsa Truly Is A Playground For The Wealthy And Everyone Who's Anyone Is Here Today From The Ultra-Rich And Super-Famous To World Leaders And Important Dignitaries.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' You Aren't Kidding David, You Can't Do A Three-Point Turn Around Here Without Bumping Into Some Celebrity!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Welcome Everyone To The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix Where The Big News Continues To Be Allinol, Sir Miles Axlerod Spoke To The Press Earlier Today To Answer Questions About Its Safety.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[Being Interviewed]'' An Independent Panel Of Scientists Has Determined That Allinol Is Completely Safe Okay: Safe; There It Is.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' So The Race Will Go On Folks.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' But The Question Everyone Is Asking: Will The Real Lightning McQueen Show Up Today?
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Well He'd Better, Talk About A Home Track Advantage, Francesco Bernoulli Grew Up Racing On This Course.
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Races Line Up On The Grid]'' Signore E Signori In The Pole Position, Numero Uno, Francesco!
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Bellissima, Thank You For Your Support And Your Big Mistake McQueen!
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Pop Is Shown Attending The Race With His Bodyguards]'' In Secondo Position, Numero 95, Lightning-A McQueen-A!
:'''Luigi:''' ''[Seeing That McQueen Feels Sad]'' McQueen, Is Everything OK?
:'''Fillmore:''' If You're Worried About Your Fuel Man Don't, It's Perfectly Safe.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Guys, I Just Really Wish Mater Were Here.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[notices Lightning is sad]'' Francesco Understands This McQueen.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh Great Here It Comes, What Do You Got Francesco?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' For Famous Race Cars Like Francesco And Well You To Be Far Away From Home Is Not Easy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' I Think You Forgot The Insulting Part Of That Insult.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[emotionally]'' It's-a no insult! When Francesco is away from home, he misses his mama. Just like-a you miss your tow truck, amigo.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[impressed]'' Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly how I--
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[smiling]'' Of course. I am at home, and my mama is right here. ''[points and waves at a vintage Ferrari in the crowd who is smiling, blowing kisses and waving back]'' Mama! Don't worry, Mama! McQueen is very sad. I will beat his cry-baby bottom today!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And there's the insult we were missing. ''Grazie!''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Darrell, The Races Are Settling As They Head To The Italian Countryside.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoo Boy, This Is Gonna Be A Great Race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Miles, a.k.a. the Lemon Kingpin, assembles his cohorts during the penultimate World Grand Prix race]''
:'''Miles:''' ''[in a deep disguised voice]'' Welcome, everyone. I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but... my clutch assembly broke. You know how it is.
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Been there.
:'''J. Curby''': Forget about it.
:'''Vladimir''': We know how you feel.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Descramble that voice.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm trying. Oh, it's too sophisticated!
:'''Miles''': We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on cars like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they haven't stopped doing is laughing at us. They've called us terrible names: jalopy, rust bucket, heap, clunker, junker, beater, wreck, rattletrap, lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends, that... all... ends! ''[Carla Veloso blown engine]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' We're smoke! Where the casino bridge!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Oh No!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[worried]'' It's Carla Veloso the Brazilian racecar!
:''[Carla Spins Around And Bumps Off The Side Of The Bridge As Finn &amp; Holley Saw This From Afar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What just happened.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm working on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Crashes Are A Part Of Racing I Know, But Something Like That Should Never Happen.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' They're Letting You Choose Your Fuel For The Final Race, Do You Have Any Idea What It's Gonna Be?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Allinol.
:'''Lemons:''' ''[Gasps]'' What?!
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' Did He Just Say Allinol?!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' After Today?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' My Friend Fillmore Says The Fuel's Safe, That's Good Enough For Me, I Didn't Stand By A Friend Of Mine Recently, I'm Not Gonna Make The Same Mistake Twice.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[On TV]'' So A Surprising Revelation From Lightning McQueen, He Will Use Allinol In The Final Race Despite What Occurred Today.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[Through The Telephone]'' Till Lightning McQueen Is Dead!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Of Course. ''[The Phone Call Ends]'' Allinol Must Be Finished For Good. McQueen Cannot Win The Last Race. Lightning McQueen Must Be Killed!
:'''Mater:''' No!
:''[Mater Bumps Into A TV Which Breaks His Special Siren Light, He Turns Into All The Silly Disguises And Turns Normal].''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' '''''It's The American Spy!!!'''''
:''[The Lemons Aim Guns At Him].''
:'''Mater:''' Dad-Gum!
:'''Computer:''' ''[Gets The Gatling Guns Out Of Mater's Bodywork]'' Gatling Gun: Request Acknowledged.
:'''Mater:''' Let Me Go!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You Actually Care About That Race Car: A Pity You Didn't Warn Him In Time.
:''[The Transport Vehicle's Door Shuts, Trapping Mater Inside And Blacks Him Out With Sleeping Gas].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' Idiot, Is That How You See Me?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' That's How Everyone Sees You, I Tell You That's The Genius Of It, No One Realizes They're Being Fooled Because They're Too Busy Laughing At The Fool... ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Opens The Door Like Gates Of Heaven, The First Flashback In Crowd In Tokyo, Japan].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Been Leaked On The Stage]'' But I Never Leak Oil Never!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, You Have To Get A Hold Of Yourself You're Making A Scene!
:''[At The Sixth Flashback...]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticed His Friend's Angry Glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''''&lt;big&gt;I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I Talked To Somebody–
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Sadly Lowers His Head And Hears The Words Echoed Around Him].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Banging The Gong As Random Cars Laugh]'' Bang The Gong: Get It On!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Voice]'' Listen, This Isn't Radiator Springs, This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things!
:''[Mater's Eyes Are Filled In Terror And Watches This, He Wakes Up To See He's Tied Up Above Cogs As A Bell Chimes And Finds Himself In A Room Full Of Cogs And Looks To See Tied Up Dangling Next To Him With Finn &amp; Holley Tied Up In The Gears' Teeth].''
:'''Mater:''' Holley! Finn! Where Are We?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We're In [[London]] Mater, Inside Big Bentley.
:''[The Camera Zooms Out To Show The Outside Of The Great Elizabeth Tower Where Big Bentley Is With The Clock Saying 3 O'Clock In The Afternoon, The Changes Shot To Show The Tower Next To The Houses Of Parliament As The Ropes Holding Mater &amp; The Cages Unwind].''
:'''Mater:''' Oh This, This Is All My Fault.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Don't Be A Fool Mater.
:'''Mater:''' But I Am Remember, You Said So.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where Did I; Oh; Mater, I Was Complimenting You On What A Good Spy You Are.
:'''Mater:''' ''[In A Shout That Echoes]'' '''&lt;big&gt;I'M NOT A SPY!!!!&lt;/big&gt;''' ''[Voice Echoes As Finn &amp; Holley Feels Completely In Shocked]'' I've Been Trying To Tell You That The Whole Time, I Really Am Just A Tow Truck.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, He's Not Joking.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Know.
:'''Mater:''' You Were Right Finn, I'm A Fool And What's Happened To McQueen Is 'Cause I'm Such A Big One: This Is All My Fault.
:''[They Notice Grem &amp; Acer Arrive In An Elevator].''
:'''Grem:''' ''[To Mater, Holley and Finn]'' Good, You're Up.
:'''Acer:''' And Just In Time.
:'''Grem:''' ''[Uncovers The EMP Generator]'' Professor Z Wanted You To Have A Front-Row Seat For The Death Of Lightning McQueen.
:'''Mater:''' He's Still Alive?
:'''Acer:''' Not For Much Longer.
:''[At the third and final race in London, Grem has the E.M.P. ray aimed at Lightning]''
:'''Grem:''' Here he comes.
:''[Mater watches horrified as Grem starts the Emitter at 100% power. The Emitter's red light glows brightly. The Emitter continues to aim at Lightning, but nothing happens to him and continues racing]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' What happened?
:'''Grem:''' I don't know, Professor.
:'''Acer:''' What did you do.
:'''Grem:''' I didn't do nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Finn, You're OK!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Listen To Me, The Bomb Is On You, They Know You'd Try To Help McQueen, When We Were Knocked Out They Planned It In Your Air Filter!
:'''Mater:''' Uh-Oh.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Coming Down The Pit Lane]'' Mater, There You Are!
:'''Mater:''' Stop Right There!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh Man, I've Been So Worried About You!
:'''Mater:''' Don't Come Any Closer!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Are You OK?
:'''Mater:''' ''[Reverses Out Of The Pit Lane Into The Racetrack]'' No I'm Not OK, Stay Away From Me!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Wait, Wait!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Hold Everything, A Tow Truck Has Just Raced Onto The Track And He's Driving Backwards!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Normally An Emergency Vehicle On The Track Means There's Been An Accident.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Wait Wait, Lightning McQueen Is Chasing Him!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Drives Around The Victoria Memorial]'' Stay Back, If You Get Close To Me You're Going To Get Hurt Real Bad!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Know I Made You Feel That Way Before, But None Of That Matters Because We're Best Friends!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And McQueen Seems To Be Having A Conversation With The Tow Truck.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I Don't Know Who That Truck Is Brent, But I'll Tell You What, He's Got To Be The World's Best Backwards Driver.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, You Don't Get It, I'm The Bomb!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes Mater, You Are The Bomb, That's What I'm Trying To Say Here, You've Always Been The Bomb And You'll Always Be The Bomb!
:'''Mater:''' Stay Away!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, Never!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And Lightning McQueen Just Blasted Away, Hooked To The Now Rocket-Propelled Tow Truck.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, I'll get Zündapp, you help Mater!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Got it!
:''[Holley flies right on top of Francesco, disorienting him].''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' '''''WHAT IS HAPPENING?!'''''
:''[Professor Z Zooms Through The Streets And Passes Through The Traffic And Raced Towards The Tower Bridge Where Tony Trihull Is Waiting For Him At The River Thames].''
:'''Tony Trihull:''' Hurry Professor!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Aah!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[to Professor Zündapp]'' Ha! Do you really think, I'm goin' to let you float away, Professor?!
:'''Mater''': McQueen, let go!
:'''Lightning''': Never!
:'''Blue Gremlin''': ''[via headset]'' Hey they're coming your way.
:'''Grem''': Let's go. 
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Give it up, McMissile! ''[But, like any other hero, Finn refuses to give up and launches bombs at Tony, who looks at them in horror. The bombs then explode massively, killing and destroying Tony once and for all, and Professor Zündapp is captured by Finn. Holley is then seen catching up to Lightning and Mater.]''
:'''Holley''': Mater, stop!
:'''Mater''': No way! You could get hurt.
:'''Holley''': ''[gasps; sees Grem and Acer heading towards Lightning and Mater with guns drawn]'' Oh, no. ''[She bumps into Grem and Acer]'' 
:'''Acer &amp; Grem:''' '''AAH!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Mater, we've gotta get that bomb off you.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Bomb?
:'''Mater:''' ''[explains to his friend]'' Yeah, they strapped it to me to kill you as a backup plan.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Backup plan? Mater, who put a bomb on you? ''[Finn arrives with Professor Zündapp strapped up]''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[to Lightning]'' '''''You.''''' Why didn't my death ray '''''KILL YOU?!'''''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[shocked/flabbergasted]'' Death ray?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''': Turn off the bomb, Zündapp! ''(Now!)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Are you all so dense? It's voice-activated. Everything is voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater''': Deactivate! Deactivate!
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[activates countdown timer for 5:00; Mater gasps in shock]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': ''(Mater, what's wrong?)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Oops! ''[scoffs]'' Did I forget to mention it can only be disarmed by the one who activated it?
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[firmly pulls out her taser gun]'' Say it!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Deactivate.
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[timer subtracts 1 minute]''
:'''Mater''': ''[alarmed]'' Whoa!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[his last words in the film]'' Oh. I'm not the one who activated it. Would anyone else like to try? ''[gets tazed by Holley and knocked out unconscious]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[smirks]'' You read my mind.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Ugh, he was getting on my nerves.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What do we do?
:'''Victor Hugo:''' It's very simple. You blow up. ''[The whole group of lemons surround the four]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I'm gonna go out on a limb here - these are the guys that want me dead, correct?
:'''Vladimir''': It's nothing personal.
:'''Mater:''' Fellers listen, I know what you're going through. Everybody's been laughing at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better. ''[The lemons seem to take this in]''
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' ''[deploying his gun]'' Yeah, but it's worth a shot!
:[Red with Sally behind him squirts J. Curby and four gremlins behind a fence, Finn shoots his harpoon line into four Hugos and shoots his grappling hooks upwards slamming the Hugos into each other, Holley deploits her wings taking a pair of the Hugos and slams them into a pair of gremlins, Luigi and Guido split off their tires, immobilizing them]
:'''Guido:''' Pitstop!
:[Flo shines her lights on Vladimir temporarily blinding him]
:'''Sheriff:''' ''[puts a boot on Vladmir]'' Not today boys!!
:[Mater yells as he karate hits and slams Ivan, two Hugos, and lasso throws Tubbs Pacer out which Ramone sternly spray paint swipes him in the right eye giving him a bit of pinkeye]
:''[Finn, Mater, Lightning, Holley, Sheriff, Luigi, &amp; Guido sternly face off at the remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer with angered looks]''
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Retreat!!
:[The remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer flee the area, but stop when they see Sarge with the British military.]
:'''Sarge:''' Thanks for the help, Corporal.
:'''Josh Coolant:''' Anything for one of Pops' mates.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guido:''' ''[Tries to unscrew the bomb from Mater's hood, but fails]'' Con questi bullone el cabo il mie chiave non funzionano! ''[throws his tool gun towards the ground and walks away]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' [to Luigi] Wh-What's he saying? What's wrong?
:'''Luigi:''' None of his wrenches fit the bolts!
:'''Mater:''' ''[looks and then gets a sudden realization]'' I get it. I get it! I know what needs to be done!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' (Really?) Then do it!
:'''Mater:''' What? No. I can't do it. Look, nobody takes me seriously. I know that now. This ain't Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes, it is. Look, you're yourself in Radiator Springs. Be yourself here. And if... if people aren't taking you seriously, then they need to change, not you. I know that now because I was wrong before. Now, you can do this. You're the bomb.
:'''Mater:''' ''[starts to feel better]'' Thanks, buddy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, no, no, you're the ''actual'' bomb! Now let's go!
:'''Mater:''' Oh, right! Hang on! ''[Lightning hooks up to him and drives away with him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mater has delivered Lightning to Buckingham Palace and exposes the bomb to the audience with barely 2 minutes left on the clock, causes a massive scramble]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[arriving; to the audience]'' Hold your fire! He can't disarm it! Mater, I don't know what you're doing, ''[Holley arrives]'' but stand down now!
:'''Mater''': This ain't nothing at all like Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, just cut to the chase.
:'''Mater''': Okay. It's ''him!'' ''[points to Miles]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''What? Me?'' You've got to be crazy.
:'''Mater''': I figured it out when I realized y'all attached this tickin' time bomb with Whitworth bolts, the same bolts that hold together that old British engine from the photograph. Holley, show that picture!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Okay. ''[shows the holographic photo of the mysterious hood engine]''
:'''Mater''': And then ''I'' remembered what they said about old British engines: &quot;If there ain't no oil under 'em, there ain't no oil (over) in 'em&quot;.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' What is he talking about?
:'''Mater''': It was you leaking oil at the party in Japan. ''You'' just blamed it on me.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Electric cars don't use oil, you twit!
:'''Mater''': Then ''you're'' fakin' it. ''You'' didn't convert to no electric. ''[Miles realizes that he knows the truth, then backs away]'' When we pop that hood, we gonna see that engine from that picture right there.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[panicking]'' This lorry's crazy! ''He's'' gonna kill us all! ''[backs up to the edge of the stage]'' '''''Stay away!'''''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' But Sir Axlerod created the race, Mater. Why would ''he'' want to hurt anyone?
:'''Mater:''' To Make Allinol Look Bad So Everybody'd Go Back To Using Oil, I Mean He Said It Himself With That Disgusted Voice.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' &quot;Disguised voice&quot;? What are you talking about? You're nuts, you are!
:'''Prince William:''' This Is Going Nowhere Fast, We Really Should Go Grandmother.
:'''The Queen:''' One Moment, I'd Like To See Where This Is Going.
:''[The bomb's countdown is at 29 seconds]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': Mater, ''he'' created Allinol.
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but what if ''he'' found that huge oil field just as the world was tryna find somethin' else? What if ''he'' came up with Allinol just to make alternative fuel look bad?
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[as the bomb's countdown goes from 19 to 18 seconds]'' &quot;What if&quot;? You're basing this on a ''&quot;what if&quot;?!''
:'''Security Guard:''' Okay, that's it.
:'''Another Security Guard:''' Right, lads, clear out! ''[the other guards evacuate, followed by the Queen and the spectators]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Wait, somebody save me! The lorry's crazy! Keep away, you idiot!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[shocked]'' ''Mater?!''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[worried]'' Mater!
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Someone, do something!
:'''Car in Crowd:''' ''[alarmed]'' Drive away!
:''[Mater stands his ground, glaring at Miles, while everyone braces for the explosion including Finn Holley and Lightning]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' You're insane, you are! ''[the bomb counts down at 3 to 2 seconds]'' '''''DEACTIVATE!''''' ''[The bomb's countdown stops at 1 second, then shows the words &quot;Voice Accepted&quot;]''
:'''Bomb Computer''': Bomb deactivated. Have a nice day, Sir Axlerod:).
:''[Mater smiles in satisfaction. The police cruisers surround a shocked Miles, as Mater pops the hood open, revealing the mysterious V-8 engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': The engine from the photo.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[Compares the image]'' It's a perfect match.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[his last words; still shocked]'' How did the tow truck figure it out? ''[getting escorted away by the police cruisers, offscreen]''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[to Mater]'' It's official. You're coming to all my races from now on.
:'''Mater''': Now you're talking!
:''[they forgivingly bump their tires]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[For his actions, Mater is being knighted by the Queen]''
:'''The Queen:''' I hereby dub thee ''Sir'' Tow Mater.
:''[the crowd cheers and applauds]''
:'''Mater:''' &quot;Sir&quot;? Shoot, you can just call me Mater, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this &quot;sir&quot; business. By the way, have y'all met each other? Queen, McQueen. McQueen, Queen. McQueen, McMissile. McMissile, McQueen. Queen, McMissile.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater''': So, there we were, my rocket jets goin' full blast, McQueen hangin' on for dear life, when suddenly, them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere with guns drawn. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere, this beautiful spy car swoops in from the sky to save us.
:'''Minny:''' That's a very entertaining story, young man.
:'''Van''': Oh, Minny, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy cars--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[out of nowhere]'' No, you're quite right. ''[landing]'' It ''does'' sound a bit far-fetched.
:'''Mater''': Holley! What are you doin' here?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hello, Mater! It's so good to see you again.
:'''Mater''': Finn!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Our Satellites Picked Up An Urgent Communiqué.
:'''Luigi''': So, you got-a my email.
:'''Mater''': Oh, man. Y'all is gon' have a great time. Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm Mater's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all.
:''[Guido's jaw drops, his forks hit the ground in shock]''
:'''Luigi:''' ''[smiling]'' Guido believe you now.
:'''Flo:''' ''[Looking At Holley's Dent]'' Whoa Honey, You Got A Nasty Dent There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah.
:'''Van:''' Was That From When You Swooped In And You Saved Them In London?
:'''Minny:''' Van!
:'''Van:''' What, I'm Just Asking!
:'''Flo:''' Ah Don't You Worry Sweet Pea, My Baby Ramone Can Get That Fixed Up For You In No Time.
:'''Ramone:''' Yeah Sure Thing Man No Problemo, Just Let Me Go Get My Tools.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Oh-No-No, I-I'm Keeping That Dent; It's Way Too Valuable.
:'''Mater''': ''[Grins].''
:'''Lizzie''': A Valuable Dent, Oh She's As Crazy As Mater.
:'''Mack''': Oh Those Two Are Perfect For Each Other.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': You know, there's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I...
:'''Mater''': ''[finishing Lightning's question]'' Explode in a fiery inferno?
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Yeah.
:'''Finn McMissile''': We couldn't figure that out, either.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Our investigation proved that Allinol was actually gasoline and Axlerod engineered it so when It got hit by the beam it would explode.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Wait a second, Fillmore; You said my fuel was safe.
:''[Everyone turns and curiously looks at Fillmore]''
:'''Fillmore''': If you're implying that I switched out that rot-gut excuse for alternative fuel with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biofuel just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man; It was ''him.'' ''[points to Sarge]''
:'''Sarge''': Once big oil, always big oil... man.
:'''Fillmore''': Tree-hugger.
:''[The Camera Shows On A Banner Saying &quot;Radiator Springs Grand Prix&quot; Before Moving Down To Show Sheriff Slowly Driving Along The Main Road With The World Grand Prix Racers Behind Him With The Spectators Watching Beside Hay Bales Being Used As Barriers].''
:'''Sheriff''': The Radiator Springs Grand Prix Is About To Begin; All Spectators, Clear The Starting Line.
:'''Lewis Hamilton''': Man, I Can't Wait To Get Rocking; This Is Gonna Be Wicked!
:'''Jeff Gorvette''': Yeah, We Should Do This Every Year.

== Taglines ==
* Fuel the love.
* Spy it only in theaters June 24, 2011.
* The mission begins.
* From the creators of ''[[Toy Story 3]]''.
* Original score composed by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].
* They're not just racing around the world; they're racing to save the world.

== See also ==
* ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''
* ''[[Cars 3]]''

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-3}}
* [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]] — [[w:Lightning McQueen|Lightning McQueen]]
* [[Larry the Cable Guy]] — [[w:Mater (Cars)|Mater]]
* [[w:Michael Caine|Michael Caine]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Finn McMissile|Finn McMissile]]
* [[w:Emily Mortimer|Emily Mortimer]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Holley Shiftwell|Holley Shiftwell]]
* [[Eddie Izzard]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Sir Miles Axlerod|Miles Axlerod]]
* [[w:John Turturro|Johnny Turturro]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Francesco Bernoulli|Francesco Bernoulli]]
* [[w:Brent Musburger|Brent Musburger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Brent Mustangburger|Brent Mustangburger]]
* [[w:Thomas Kretschmann|Thomas Kretschmann]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Professor Zündapp|Professor Zündapp]] 
* [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Grem|Grem]]
* [[w:Peter Jacobson|Peter Jacobson]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Acer|Acer]]
* [[w:Kenan Thompson|Kenan Thompson]] — Victor Hugo
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] — [[w:Sally Carrera|Sally]]
* [[w:Cheech Marin|Cheech Marin]] — Ramone
* [[w:Paul Nakauchi|Paul Nakauchi]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Shu Todoroki|Shu Todoroki]]
* [[w:Jeff Gordon|Jeff Gordon]] — [[w:Jeff Gorvette|Jeff Gorvette]]
* [[Lewis Hamilton]] — Himself
* [[Darrell Waltrip]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Darrell Cartrip|Darrell Cartrip]]
* [[w:Franco Nero|Franco Nero]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Uncle Topolino|Uncle Topolino]]
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Mack|Mack]]
{{col-end}}

== Teaser Trailer ==
:'''Narrator:''' The most advanced technology, the most exotic locations, the most dangerous assignments. Next summer, get ready to roll, with the world's newest secret agents.
:''[Lightning and Mater are putting red lights around them]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater?
:'''Mater:''' I think we bit off more than we could chew.
:''[the text puts up film's title and Spy it only in theaters June 2011]''

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=1216475|title=Cars 2}}

{{Cars}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2011 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2011 American animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:British computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Cars (film)]]
[[Category:Sports films]]
[[Category:Spy films]]
[[Category:American auto racing films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]
[[Category:Films set in Arizona]]
[[Category:Films set in Italy]]
[[Category:Films set in London]]
[[Category:Films set in Britain]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]
[[Category:Films set in France]]
[[Category:Films set in Tokyo]]
[[Category:Films set in Japan]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>nu90y5o2xcaxumw5l85kqof8gs34wl9</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951936</id>
      <parentid>3951935</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T06:38:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29461-25</username>
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      <text bytes="63243" sha1="chkdjs8ymkp7tryuox3al4w6qo0sx1l" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cars Logo Black.svg|thumb|The mission begins.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Cars 2|Cars 2]]''''' is a [[w:2011 in film|2011]] American [[w:Computer-animated film|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], and is the sequel to the [[2006 Gaza–Israel conflict|2006]] film, ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''. In the film, race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]]) and tow truck Mater (voiced by [[w:Larry the Cable Guy|Larry the Cable Guy]]) head to Japan, France, Italy and Britain to compete in the World Grand Prix, but Mater becomes sidetracked with international espionage.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], co-directed by [[w:Brad Lewis|Brad Lewis]]. Written by [[w:Ben Queen|Ben Queen]].''
{{center|'''The mission begins.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

[[File:Ferrari California (17271659202).jpg|thumb|Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is '''''triple''''' speed. Francesco is ''triple'' ''speed''. Oh-ho! Francesco ''likes''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the ''zone!'']]
[[File:Intelligence Community Medal for Valor.PNG|thumb|&quot;Who are you with? FBI? CIA?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Let's just say I'm a triple-A affiliated.&quot;]]
[[File:Trabant 601S Universal 1984 I.jpg|thumb|&quot;Fellers, listen, I know what you're goin' through. Everybody's been laughin' at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Yeah, but it's worth a shot!&quot;]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Leland Turbo:''' This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped. You won't believe what I've found out here. This is bigger than anything we've ever seen. And no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup. But don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful! It's not safe out''' here!
:'''Grem:''' ''[from Off-Screen]'' Let's go! ''[alarm went off]''
:'''Leland Turbo:''' Transmitting my grids now. Good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Where is Finn McMissile?
:'''Leland Turbo:''' ''[last words before he is crushed to death]'' You'll never catch him, he will stop you!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Finn has infiltrated an oil platform to rescue Agent Leland Turbo and observes activity from high above]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[suspiciously]'' What are you up to now, Professor?
:''[Finn shoots his harpoon line forwards which Pearces a balcony platform, them shoots his harpoon line into the wall behind him, then moves forward above the lemons them shoots his harpoon line diagonally, then bends down.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[speaking to a platform worker lemon]'' This is valuable equipment, make sure it is properly secured for the voyage.
:'''Platform Worker:''' Got it.
:'''Grem:''' Hey Professor Z, this is one of those British spies we told you about.
:'''Acer:''' Yeah, this one we caught sticking his bumper where it didn't belong.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Agent Leland Turbo. 
:''[Acer reveals Leland's crushed remains as Finn gasps in horror, but a fire erupts casting a large shadow, revealing his presence as Professor Zündapp looks up to see who it is]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' It's Finn McMissile!
:''[Finn starts shooting; The lemons scramble for cover, while others rush up the derrick]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' He's seen the camera! '''''KILL HIM!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Grem:''' ''[laughs, thinking he escaped Finn]'' He's dead, Professor.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''Wunderbar!'' With Finn McMissile gone, who can stop us now? 
:''[the scene switches to Mater]''
:'''Mater''': Mater. Tow Mater, that's who, is here to help ya! Hey, Otis!
:'''Otis''': Heh-hey, Mater. I, uh-- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but-- ''[tries to start his engine, but can't.]'' Smooth like puddin', huh? ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? I'll always be a lemon.
:'''Mater''': Well, dad-gum, you're leakin' oil again, must be yer gaskets. Hey, but look on the bright side. This is yer 10th tow this month, so that means it's on the house. 
:'''Otis''': You're the only one that's nice to lemons like me, Mater.
:'''Mater''': Hey, don't sweat it. Shoot, these things happen to everybody, Otis.
:'''Otis''': But you never leak oil!
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but I ain't perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my rust is tryna show through.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Luigi:''' Oh Lightning, welcome home!
:'''Flo:''' Good to have you back honey!
:'''Fillmore:''' Congratulations man.
:'''Sarge:''' Welcome home soldier.
:'''Sheriff:''' The place wasn't the same without you son.
:'''Lizzie:''' What? Did he go somewhere?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' It's good to be home everybody. ''[hears Mater Honking His Horn]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Aah!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Oooh!
:''[Mater stops at the crossroad in front of McQueen and lets go of Otis, who is moved along into Ramone's House Of Body Art as Sally and Flo dodge him].''
:'''Otis:''' ''[Stops And Comes Onto Wheel Ramps]'' Whoooa!
:'''Ramone:''' Hey, How far did you make it this time Otis?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater:''' ''[whistles]'' I'll take one of them. Thank you. Never know which one McQueen will have a hankering for. Hey, whatcha got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream?
:'''Sushi Chef:''' No, no. Wasabi.
:'''Mater:''' Oh, same old, same old. What's up with you? ''[looks at the bucket of wasabi again]'' That looks delicious! ''[the chef takes a knife and sets a small piece of wasabi on a tray, then puts it on the counter]'' Uh, a little more, please? ''[the chef adds more wasabi]'' It is free, right? ''[the chef adds more]'' Keep it comin'. A little more. Come on, let's go, it's free! You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop! ''[the chef gives in and scoops out a baseball-sized serving of wasabi]'' There ya go! Now, '''''that's''''' a scoop of ice cream!
:'''Sushi Chef:''' ''[bowing and speaking in Japanese]'' My condolences.
:'''Miles:''' And now our last competitor: number 95, Lightning McQueen!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Ka-chow! Thank you so much for having us, Sir Axlerod. I really look forward to racing. This is a great opportunity.
:'''Miles:''' Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Lightning. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this competition—.
:'''Mater:''' ''[screaming while runs; Miles and Lightning are shocked]'' Someone get me water! Aah! Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief. ''[Francesco laughs; speaks into the microphone]'' Whatever you do, '''''DO NOT EAT...''''' the free pistachio ice cream. It has '''''turned.''''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Sir Axlerod, I can explain. This is Mater. He's--
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' No, I know him. This is the bloke that called in to the television show. You're the one I have to thank.
:'''Mater:''' No thank you, This trip has been amazing.
:'''Miles:''' ''[leaks oil and blames it on Mater by telling him off]'' Ah... He's a little excited, isn't he?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[to Mater]'' Mater?
:'''Mater''': But wait, I... Oh, shoot.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Has anyone got a towel?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Fiercely]'' Mater, you have to get a hold of yourself; You're making a scene.
:'''Mater:''' But I never leak oil. Never.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[not believing his friend]'' Go take care of yourself right now. ''[As Mater drives off, a forklift and Axlerod notice Lightning, who grins sheepishly]''
:'''Mater''': Coming through. Excuse me. Leaking oil. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, uh-- Uh-- ''[accidentally enters the ladies' room, and the ladies scream and yell in Japanese]'' Sorry, ladies! ''[?]'' ? ''[?]'' Whoa! What is. ''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' There you are. Where have you been?
:'''Mater:''' What's a &quot;rendezvous&quot;?
:'''Luigi:''' Uh, it's like a date.
:'''Mater:''' A date?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, what's going on?
:'''Mater:''' Well, what's going on is I got me a date tomorrow.
:'''Guido:''' ''Non ci credo.'' (I don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido don't believe you.
:'''Mater:''' Well, believe it. My new girlfriend just said so. ''[sees Holley and waves]'' Hey, there she is! Hey! Hey, lady! See you tomorrow!
:'''Guido:''' ''Ancora non ci credo.'' (I still don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido still don't believe you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grem:''' I got to admit, you tricked us real good.
:'''Acer:''' And we don't like being tricked. ''[Rod chuckles]'' Hey! What's so funny?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Well you know, I was just wearing a disguise. You guys are stuck looking like that. ''[Grem pushes a lever, turning the magnet off, and causing Rod to land on a small platform, where one of the Lemon Cars pushes a fuel tank of Allinol towards him.]'' Allinol? Thanks, fellas! I hear this stuff is good for you.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' So you think, Allinol by itself is good for you. ''[presses a button, which causes some cylinders attached to the platform to turn Rod's rear tires and make whirring sounds as his status bar shows his speedometer going up]'' But after microscopic examination, I have found that it has one small weakness. When hit with an electromagnetic pulse, it becomes extremely dangerous.
:'''Grem:''' ''[moves a camera-like EMP generator forward]'' Smile for the camera.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Is that all you want? I got a whole act.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You were very interested in this camera on the oil platform, Now you will witness what it really does.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Whatever you say Professor.
:'''Acer:''' ''[as a Pacer comes up with a TV screen showing a picture of Rod with a Japanese pink car while in disguise]'' You talked up a lot of cars last night. Which one's your associate?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Your mother. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was your sister. You know, I can't tell them apart these days.
:'''Grem:''' Could I start it now, Professor Z?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Go 50% power. ''[Grem then pushes a lever beneath the EMP generator that causes the lens to light up and make whirring sounds, going to 50% power]'' camera is actually an electromagnetic pulse emitter.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with Shigeko]'' What about her? Did you give it to her?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' The Allinol is now heating to a boil, dramatically expanding, causing the engine block to crack under the stress, forcing oil into the combustion chamber.
:''[While Zündapp is talking, Rod's engine is heard cracking, then the oil is heard flowing.]''
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with a Japanese red Ferrari at a sushi stand]'' How about him? Did you talk to him?!
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[as smoke gets emitted from his tailpipes]'' What do I care?! I can replace an engine *block?*
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You may be able to, but after full impact of the pulse, ''[as Grem pushes the generator's lever to 75% power]'' unfortunately, there will be ''nothing'' to replace.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him With Mater in the bathroom]'' How about him? Does he have it? 
:''[Rod trembles upon seeing the image, which Zündapp then notices and looks at the picture.]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' That's him. He's the 1.
:'''Grem:''' Roger that Professor Z.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[his last words before he's exploded]'' '''''NO!'''''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[through cell phone to the Lemon Kingpin]'' Yes, sir. We believe the infiltrator has passed along sensitive information.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[through phone]'' Right away!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' I will take care of it before any damage can be done. ''[hangs up]'' The project is still on schedule. You will find the second agent and kill him. 
:''[Zündapp then pushes the generator's lever to 100% power, which the screen then shows the picture of Rod and Mater, zooming in as a reflection of Rod is shown, shaking as the generator's electromagnetic pulse gets more powerful, before he finally explodes, cut into the screen shows a distant view of Mount Fuji and a Japanese tower while the WGP theme begins]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Japan, land of the rising sun, where ancient tradition meets modern technology. Welcome to the inaugural running of the World Grand Prix. I'm Brent Mustangburger, here with racing legends Darrell Cartrip and David Hobbscap. There's never been a competition like this before. First, Allinol, making its debut tonight as the required fuel for all these great champions. Second, the course itself, and it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work?
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, all three of these street courses are classic round-the-house racetracks. ''[the camera shows the labeled in Japan, Italy and England]'' This means that the LMP and Formula cars should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion. Look for Francesco Bernoulli in particular to lead early. And with a series of technical turns throughout GT and Touring cars like Spain's Miguel Camino should make up some ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Francesco from absolutely running away with it.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoa, now just hold your horsepower. You're forgetting the most important factor here: that early dirt track section of the course! The dirt is supposed to be the great equalizer in this race.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' French Rally Car Raoul ÇaRoule Is Counting On A Big Boost Headed Through There.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' And Don't Forget Lightning McQueen, His Mentor The Hudson Hornet Was One Of The Greatest Dirt Track Races Of All Time In My Opinion, McQueen Is The Best All Round Racer In This Competition.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Really Darrell, I think you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Francesco's race to lose. ''[The WGP racers roll into the starting line to prepare to race.]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' It's time for find out. The racers are locking into the grid.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[closes his eyes as a pre-race ritual]'' Speed. I am speed.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[laughs mockingly]'' Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is triple speed. ''[closes his eyes]'' Francesco is '''''triple speed'''''. Oh-ho! Francesco '''''likes'''''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the '''''zone!''''' ''[revs his engine]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[complains about Francesco]'' He is '''''so getting beat today.''''' ''[revs his engine; the lights turn from red to green, and the first race is underway]''
:''[One Set Of Red Lights Turns On One-By-One Before Another Set Of Lights Beneath It Turns Green, The Races Start The First Lap With Raoul ÇaRoule &amp; Miguel Camino Leading Through The Narrow Streets Of Tokyo Before Raoul Gets Overtaken By Max Schnell, Carla Veloso, &amp; Miguel Gets Overtaken By Jeff Gorvette, Shu Todoroki, Lightning McQueen, Francesco Bernoulli, Nigel Gearsley, Lewis Hamilton, &amp; Rip Clutchgoneski Behind Him As McQueen &amp; Francesco Make Their Moves Around Jeff, Carla, Raoul, &amp; Max Which Francesco Takes The Lead With McQueen And Go Around The First Corner].''
:'''John Lassetire:''' Jeff, Your Tires Are.
:'''Bruno Motoreau:''' ''[Mumbling To Raoul].''
:'''Mach Matsuo:''' ''[Mumbling To Shu].''
:'''Giuseppe Motorosi:''' ''[Mumbling To Francesco].''
:'''Sarge:''' Your Suspension Sets Look Good.
:'''Luigi:''' Tire Pressure Is Excellent!
:'''Fillmore:''' He's Got Plenty Of Fuel.
:'''Mater:''' And He's Awesome.
:'''Crowd:''' ''[Chanting And Clapping]'' McQueen, McQueen, McQueen!
:''[The Screen Shows Finn &amp; Holley Inside A Building Overlooking The Pit Road And Have Their Eyes On Mater, Who Is Wearing A Headset].''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Why Is He In The Pits, He's So Exposed.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' It's His Cover, One Of The Best I've Seen Too, Look At The Detail On The Rust, It Must Have Cost Him A Fortune.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Using Her On-Board Computer Dual Trackball Platforms]'' But Why Hasn't He Contacted Us Yet?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' There's Probably Heat On Him: Be Patient.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Of Course, He'll Signal Us When He Can.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And Then We Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[Announcing]'' As They Head Into The Palace Hairpin, Francesco Builds An Early Lead.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Ah Hang On Boys, Here Comes The Dirt, Slipping And Sliding Baby.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, It's Time To Make Your Move, Get On The Outside And Show Them What Doc Taught You.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' 10-4 Mater.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' ''[As Francesco Struggles To Brake On The Dirt]'' Oh Boy, Francesco's Brought To A Screeching Halt!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[As McQueen Uses Doc's &quot;Turn Right To Go Left&quot; Trick To Overtake Francesco]'' Lightning McQueen Is The First To Take Advantage And Just Like That Folks, Francesco's Lead Is Left In The Dust.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Nice Call Mater, Keep It Up.
:'''Acer:''' It's Finn McMissile! But you're dead!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then this shouldn't hurt at all. ''[sprays both Acer and Petey with a fire extinguisher, blinding them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Francesco, Lightning, and Carla are on the podium]''
:'''Photographer:''' Francesco!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Francesco, over here. Hey, what was your strategy today?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Strategia?! Francesco needs-a no strategy, it’s very simple: You start the race, wait for Lightning McQueen to choke, pass him, then win. Francesco always-a wins, it’s-a boring.
:''[Lightning simply rolls his eyes]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I gotta tell you dude, you were in trouble for a while. That dirt track section had you crawling.
:''[Lightning Noticed Mater Returning To The Pits And Sneaks Off To Go To Talk To Him]''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[meets up with his friend in his pit garage]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Hey McQueen, What Happened, Is The Race Over, You Won Right?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Sternly]'' Mater, Why Were You Yelling Things At Me While I Was Racing?
:'''Mater:''' Yelling? Oh You Thought– ''[Chuckles]'' That's Funny Right There, No See That's 'Cause I Seen These Two Fellers Doing Some Karate Street Performance, It Was Nutso, One Of 'Em Even Had A Flame-thrower.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[With Worry In Disbelief]'' A Flame-thrower? What Are You Talking About, I-I Don't Understand, Where Were You?
:'''Mater:''' Going To Meet My Date.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Confused]'' Your Date?
:'''Mater:''' She Started Talking To Me As A Voice In My Head, Telling Me Where To Go.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[shocked In enraged]'' '''What?!'''
:'''Mater:''' ''[noticed his friend's angrilyerish glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily] '''I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!'''''
:'''Mater:''' ''[becomes shocked what his friend just said]'' Oh, I'm Sorry I Didn't Mean To.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[refusing to listen to his friend]'' An Imaginary Girlfriend—Flame-throwers—You Know This is exactly why I don't bring you Along to these things!
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I, I Don't Know, Talk To Somebody And Explained What Happened I Could Help. 
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[drives off, but is stopped by the paparazzi and Mater is left heartbroken]''
:'''Reporter #1:''' Hey, there he is!
:'''Reporter #2:''' McQueen, you had it in the bag!
:'''Reporter #3:''' Yeah, what happened?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I-I Made A Mistake, But I Can Assure You, It Won't Happen Again.
:''[Mater sadly walks over to the TV monitors]'' 
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Look Guys, We Know What The Problem Is And We've Taken Care Of It. 
:''[Mater sadly walks away]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[on TV]'' Lightning McQueen loses in the last lap to Francesco Bernoulli in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three, count 'em, three cars flamed out, leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Allinol, might be to blame.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[interviewed]'' Allinol is Safe! Alternative fuel is safe! There is no way my fuel caused these cars to flame out.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Well, the jury may still be out on whether Allinol caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure: Lightning McQueen blew this race!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Team McQueen Can't Be Happy Right Now.
:''[The Scene Changes To A Poster Of Team McQueen At The Airport As Mater Sadly Look At It And Moves Away With The 95 Sticker That Was On His Side Is Shown To Have Been Removed And Moves To Get Ready To Board The Plane, Grem &amp; Acer Are Shown Nearby Spot Him And Look At Each Other With Serious Looks, A Blue Car With No Tires Tries To Go Through The Metal Detector, But The Buzzer Goes Off So He Reverse To Looked At As Mater Joins The Queue, Finn Disguised As A Security Officer And Rolls Up To Him].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[wearing an airport security disguise, finds Mater at the security screening processes, speaks Japanese]'' Come with me please sir.
:'''Mater:''' But I'm gonna miss my plane.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Right This Way.
:'''Mater:''' Ah, doggone it. This is about my hook, ain't it? I know I should have checked it, but I can't really. ''[they go into the waiting room]'' Look, It's attached to me. ''[Finn takes off his disguise]''  Hey I Know You, You're That Feller From The Karate Demonstration.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Never Properly Introduced Myself, Finn McMissile: British Intelligence.
:'''Mater:''' Tow Mater, Average Intelligence.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Who Are You With, FBI, CIA?
:'''Mater:''' Let's Just Say I'm Triple AAA Affiiated, You Know I Know Some Karate, I Don't Wanna Brag Or Nutting, But I Got Me A Black Fan Belt, Hey You Wanna See Some Moves I Made Up?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' You're being followed.
:'''Mater:''' This First One I Can Reach Into A Car's Hood, Pull Out His Battery And Show It To Him Before He Stalls; I Call It, &quot;What I Accidentally Did To My Friend Luigi Once.&quot; ''[does some karate moves, crushing an oil can]'' Hey! Hi-yah-pah! Hi-yah!
:'''Grem:''' There he is!
:'''Mater:''' Hi-hi-tah! Huh! ''[realizes]'' Look, I probably ought to go. I'm about to miss my flight.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Grabbing Mater By His Grappling Hooks]'' Don't Worry, I've Taken Care Of That.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Being Pulled]'' Whoa!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Jumps Through The Hole]'' Hang On!
:'''Acer:''' ''[Grunts].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa-Hah-Hah! This Is First-Class Service, You Don't Even Have To Go Through The Terminal!
:'''Ucchi:''' ''[Speaks In Japanese].''
:'''Mater:''' Your Karate Partners Is Back There, They Kinda Look Like They Trying To Catch Up!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Drive Forward, Whatever You Do Don't Stop! ''[Spins Around, Making Mater Go Farward].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[As Everett As A Passenger Plane Heads Towards Them]'' Whoa!
:'''Everett:''' Whoa!
:''[Mater Zigzags Around Everett's Wheels, Gram Dodges Him And Prepares To Shoot A Missile As Finn Releases A Wheeled Motorized Jack, Which Comes To Him And Lifts Him Up At An Angle].''
:'''Grem:''' Whoa... ''[Releases His Missile Before Being Tripped Over]'' Aah!
:''[Seeing That Missile Is Heading Towards Them As Finn Releases Another At It, Causing The Two Missiles To Explode From Behind Them].''
:'''Mater:''' Is Everything Okay Back There?
:'''Siddeley:''' Finn, it's Sid, I'm on approach.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Roger that.
:''[Acer Is Shown Pulling Flatbed Trolleys Of Baggage Across The Runway, Blocking Their Path].''
:'''Mater:''' Member That Whole Thing About Me Not Stopping No Matter What?
:''[Siddeley Appears And Shoots Bullets At The Flatbed Trolleys To Make Some Of Them Go Up Into The Air And Clear The Path].''
:'''Mater:''' I Knew I Shoulda Done Carry-On!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[To Siddeley]'' Thanks Old Boy.
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Lands On The Runway But Still Moving And Opens His Back Ramp]'' You Got It Mate.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Seeing Holley Inside]'' Hey Doggonit Look It's My Imaginary Girlfriend!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Come On Get In Here!
:'''Mater:''' I Tell You What, You Really Do Want This First Date Don't Ya? ''[Holley Watches With A Shocked Face]'' There's A No-Quit Attitude Right There. ''[The Gunshots Are Seen Beside Them]'' What The...?
:''[Acer Is Chasing Them And Tries To Shoot At Them With One Of The Bullets Deflates One Of Siddeley's Tires].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Being Turned To The Left And Across The Grass]'' Aargh!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Hold On Sid!
:''[Siddeley Turns Onto The Grass As Mater &amp; Finn Follow With Acer Hot On Their Trails, Who Goes Into Another Runaway As Finn Fires Back At Acer By Hitting One Of His Tires, Causing Him To Turn Right].''
:'''Acer:''' Aargh!
:''[He Fly Up A Terminal Ramp Truck And Past Two Waitresses Inside The Plane And Land On The Fuel Truck's Tank].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Goes Through Some The Barriers By Knocking Them Down]'' Come On Finn, It's Now Or Never!
:''[Finn Spins Around So That He Is Going Forwards].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa!
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Takes Off Just Before He Can Hit The Barriers]'' Hold On!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Through Text On A Letter]'' By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Safely On An Airplane Flying Home, I'm So Sorry For What I Did.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Reading The Letter]'' &quot;I Don't Want To Be The Cause Of You Losing Anymore Races, I Want You To Go Prove To The World What I Already Know, That You Are The Greatest Race Car In The Whole Wide World, Your Best Friend Mater.&quot; ''[Looks Up]'' I Didn't Really Want Him To Leave.
:'''Guido:''' ''[Sobs].''
:'''Luigi:''' Wait, There's More Here. ''[Brings Out More Notes]'' &quot;P.S. Please Tell The Hotel, I Didn't Mean To Order That Movie, I Thought It Was Just A Preview And I Didn't Realize I Was Paying For It. ''[Moves The Note Aside To Read The Next One]'' PPS, That's Funny Right There PP. ''[Moves It To See Two Notes With P.P.PS. &amp; P.P.P.P.S]'' There Are A Few More Pages Of PS's Here.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Well At Least I Know If He's At Home, He'll Be Safe.
:''[Back In The Sky].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Now That's How I Like To Start The Day, You Never Feel More Alive Than When You're Almost Dead.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I Hope That Device Didn't Fall Off.
:'''Mater:''' Whoa Oh-Oh-Oh, That's The Closet I Ever Been To Missing My Flight That Was... ''[Explain s As Holley Pulls The Device Off Him By Her Telescoping Utility Arm]'' Oh!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Checking On The Device]'' Still In One Piece Great.
:'''Mater:''' I've Got To Go To A Doctor, I Keep Get These Sharp Pains In My Undercarriage.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Downloading The Photo Now.
:'''Mater:''' Hey Let Me Introduce You Two, This Here Is Finn McSomething Or Other, He's A First-Class VIP Airport Whatchamacallit. And Finn, This Is Here Is My Date. ''[Holley Looks Confused At Mater's Comment]'' I Never Did Get Your Name.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh Yes Sorry, It's Shiftwell, Holley Shiftwell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tomber:''' You Rusty Piece Of Junk, Get Your Dirty Hook Off Me!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Speaks In French To A Car In The Garage]'' Allez, Maintenant - Vite!
:''[The Car In The Garage Fless As Holley, Mater, &amp; Tomber Enter, Who Angrily Talks In French As Finn Closes The Garage Door So To Keep Anyone From Coming In].''
:'''Tomber:''' ''[Gets Released By Mater]'' Electroshock! Are You Kidding Me?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Easy Tomber, This Is Her Field Assignment, She Didn't Know You Were My Informant.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Informant?
:'''Tomber:''' A Rookie Huh, I Never Liked New Car Smell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Grumbles].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Tomber Was Doing 20-To-Life In A Moroccan Impound The First Time I Saved Him If I Recall Correctly.
:'''Tomber:''' Speaking Of Recalls, You're Getting Up There In Mileage Aren't You Finn?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' All Right We Get It, You Both Know Each Other You're Both Old, So Here You Go Informant: Inform Us.
:'''Tomber:''' Beuck, That Is The Worst Moter Ever Made. ''[Gasps]'' Wait, That Oil Filter, Those Wheel Bearings.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Do Those Parts Look Familiar Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' They Should, I Sold Them.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' To Whom?
:'''Tomber:''' No Idea, He's My Best Customer, But He Always Does His Business Over The Phone, I Was Always Wondering Why He Needs So Many Parts, Now I Know.
:'''Mater:''' Well A Lemon Needs Parts Ain't Nothing Truer Than That.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Lemon?
:'''Mater:''' Yeah You Know, Cars That Don't Ever Work Right, Lemons Is A Tow Truck's Bread And Butter Like 'Em Gremlins &amp; Pacers We Run Into At The Party &amp; The Race &amp; The Airport.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Pull Up The Pictures From The Oil Platform, I Want To Know What Other Type Of Cars Were Out There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Let's See Um, There Were Hugos &amp; Trunkovs.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Mater, Are These Cars Considered Lemons?
:'''Mater:''' Is The Popmobile Catholic?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, Everyone Involved In This Plot Is One Of History's Biggest Loser Cars.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And They're All Taking Their Orders From The Car Behind This Engine.
:'''Tomber:''' Ah, This Explains It!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' Gremlin, Pacer, Hugo, &amp; Trunkov Never Get Together, But They Are Having A Secret Meeting In Two Days.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where's This Meeting Taking Place?
:'''Tomber:''' [[Porto Corsa]], Italy.
:'''Mater:''' That's Where The Next Race Is!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then There's A Good Chance Our Mystery Engine Will Be There Too.
:'''Tomber:''' Your Chances Are More Than Good, I Just Sent Him A New Clutch Assembly Yesterday To Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Contact Stephenson And Have Him Meet Us At Gare De Lyon: Good Work.
:''[Mater &amp; Tomber Smiled And Nodded At Each Other Respectfully, They're On A Electric Bullet Train Named Stevenson Who Sped Through A Snowly Countryside Into A Tunnel And Watch Footage Of Each Lemon With Black Bodyguards Of Their Basis Who Hold Up Other Cars So They Can Past At The Traffic Lights].''
:'''Mater:''' Boy I'll Tell You What That Three-Wheeled Feller Had To Be Right About A Big Meeting, You Never See This Many Lemons In One Town; 'Less There's A Swap Meet Or Something. ''[To Holley]'' Hey, How'd You Get All Them Pictures?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Well I Remotely Reprogrammed Porto Corsa's Red Light Cameras To Do Recognition Scans.
:'''Mater:''' Wow, Not Only Is You The Purtiest Car I Ever Met, But You The Smartest Too.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You I Think.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticing A Blue Tow Truck Towing A Yellow Hugo In The Hugo Group]'' That's A Familiar Sight A Hugo Being Towed, But He Looks Absolutely Perfect!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Of Course, They Must Be The Heads Of The Lemon Families.
:'''Mater:''' Makes Sense If I Was Rich And Broke Down Every Day, I'd Hire Me To Tow Me Around All The Time Too!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We've Got To Infiltrate That Meeting, It's The Only Way To Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hang On Minute.
:'''Mater:''' What?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Takes A Picture Of Mater]'' Hold Still.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Affected By The Flash Of The Camera]'' Ow!
:''[Holley Connects Her Telescoping Utility Arm Into The Monitor And Moves The Image Of Mater's Front Over The Blue Tow Truck As Well As Making It Turn To Blue, Showing That They Look Similar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Ah-Ah, Good Job Miss Shiftwell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You Finn.
:'''Mater:''' Boy, I Sure Wish My Friends Could See Me Now.
:''[At Luigi &amp; Guido's village in Italy, Uncle Topolino talks to Lightning about his recent tiff with Mater]''
:'''Mama Topolino:''' ''[Speaks In Italian]''
:'''Uncle Topoline:''' She Said You Look Like You Are Starving That She's Gonna Make You A Big Meal And Fatten You Up.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh No, Mama Topolino Please, You Don't Have To Make A Fuss.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Capisco, I Understand, Is A Problem Yes Between You &amp; A Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' How Did You Know That?
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' A Wise Car Hears One Word And Understands Two That And Luigi Told Me. ''[McQueen Gives A Smug Look]'' While Mama Cooks, Come And Take A Stroll With Me.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Brought My Friend Mater Along On The Trip And I Told Him He Needed To Act Different That We Weren't In Radiator Springs.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' This Mater Is A Close Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' He's My Best Friend.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Then Why Would You Ask Him To Be Someone Else?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Thinking For A Moment]'' What Did I Do, I Said Some Things During Our Fight.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' You know, back when Guido and Luigi used to work for me, they would fight over everything. They fight over what Ferrari was the best Ferrari, which one of them looked more like a Ferrari. There were even some non-Ferrari fights. So, tell me them, ''va bene''! It's okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends. But you gotta make up fast. No fight more important than friendship. ''Chi trova un'amico, trova un tesoro.''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What does that mean?
:'''Mama Topolino:''' Whoever finds a friend, finds a treasure. Now mangia, eat!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephenson:''' Finn, one hour to Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[as Mater's siren light is fitted]'' Thank you Stephenson.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I think that should just about do it.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Perfect.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' So Mater, it's voice-activated. But, you know, everything's voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater:''' What? I thought you was supposed to be making me a disguise.
:'''Computer:''' Voice recognized. Disguise program initiated. ''[changes Mater to look like Ivan]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[chuckles]'' Cool! Hey, Computer, make me a German truck.
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater to his normal self, wearing lederhosen]''
:'''Mater:''' Check it out! I'm wearing Mater-hosen. Make me a monster truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a Count Dracula truck]''
:'''Mater:''' What the--? ''[imitating Dracula]'' Ha-ha-ha! I vant to siphon your gas! ''[normal voice]'' Ha-ha! Now make me a taco truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a taco truck; his horn plays &quot;La Cucaracha&quot;]''
:'''Mater:''' A funny car!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a yellow hot rod; he revs his engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[turns Mater back to normal]'' The idea is to keep a ''low'' profile, Mater.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lightning Is Missing Mater At The Race in Italy as the racers gather at the finish line]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' You Are Looking Live At Beautiful Porto Corsa Italy On The Italian Riviera, What A Magnificent Setting For The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, They Call This Place The Gem Of The Riviera And It's Easy To See Why With Its Secluded Beaches And Opulent Casinos, Porto Corsa Truly Is A Playground For The Wealthy And Everyone Who's Anyone Is Here Today From The Ultra-Rich And Super-Famous To World Leaders And Important Dignitaries.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' You Aren't Kidding David, You Can't Do A Three-Point Turn Around Here Without Bumping Into Some Celebrity!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Welcome Everyone To The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix Where The Big News Continues To Be Allinol, Sir Miles Axlerod Spoke To The Press Earlier Today To Answer Questions About Its Safety.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[Being Interviewed]'' An Independent Panel Of Scientists Has Determined That Allinol Is Completely Safe Okay: Safe; There It Is.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' So The Race Will Go On Folks.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' But The Question Everyone Is Asking: Will The Real Lightning McQueen Show Up Today?
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Well He'd Better, Talk About A Home Track Advantage, Francesco Bernoulli Grew Up Racing On This Course.
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Races Line Up On The Grid]'' Signore E Signori In The Pole Position, Numero Uno, Francesco!
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Bellissima, Thank You For Your Support And Your Big Mistake McQueen!
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Pop Is Shown Attending The Race With His Bodyguards]'' In Secondo Position, Numero 95, Lightning-A McQueen-A!
:'''Luigi:''' ''[Seeing That McQueen Feels Sad]'' McQueen, Is Everything OK?
:'''Fillmore:''' If You're Worried About Your Fuel Man Don't, It's Perfectly Safe.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Guys, I Just Really Wish Mater Were Here.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[notices Lightning is sad]'' Francesco Understands This McQueen.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh Great Here It Comes, What Do You Got Francesco?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' For Famous Race Cars Like Francesco And Well You To Be Far Away From Home Is Not Easy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' I Think You Forgot The Insulting Part Of That Insult.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[emotionally]'' It's-a no insult! When Francesco is away from home, he misses his mama. Just like-a you miss your tow truck, amigo.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[impressed]'' Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly how I--
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[smiling]'' Of course. I am at home, and my mama is right here. ''[points and waves at a vintage Ferrari in the crowd who is smiling, blowing kisses and waving back]'' Mama! Don't worry, Mama! McQueen is very sad. I will beat his cry-baby bottom today!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And there's the insult we were missing. ''Grazie!''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Darrell, The Races Are Settling As They Head To The Italian Countryside.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoo Boy, This Is Gonna Be A Great Race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Miles, a.k.a. the Lemon Kingpin, assembles his cohorts during the penultimate World Grand Prix race]''
:'''Miles:''' ''[in a deep disguised voice]'' Welcome, everyone. I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but... my clutch assembly broke. You know how it is.
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Been there.
:'''J. Curby''': Forget about it.
:'''Vladimir''': We know how you feel.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Descramble that voice.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm trying. Oh, it's too sophisticated!
:'''Miles''': We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on cars like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they haven't stopped doing is laughing at us. They've called us terrible names: jalopy, rust bucket, heap, clunker, junker, beater, wreck, rattletrap, lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends, that... all... ends! ''[Carla Veloso blown engine]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' We're smoke! Where the casino bridge!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Oh No!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[worried]'' It's Carla Veloso the Brazilian racecar!
:''[Carla Spins Around And Bumps Off The Side Of The Bridge As Finn &amp; Holley Saw This From Afar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What just happened.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm working on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Crashes Are A Part Of Racing I Know, But Something Like That Should Never Happen.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' They're Letting You Choose Your Fuel For The Final Race, Do You Have Any Idea What It's Gonna Be?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Allinol.
:'''Lemons:''' ''[Gasps]'' What?!
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' Did He Just Say Allinol?!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' After Today?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' My Friend Fillmore Says The Fuel's Safe, That's Good Enough For Me, I Didn't Stand By A Friend Of Mine Recently, I'm Not Gonna Make The Same Mistake Twice.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[On TV]'' So A Surprising Revelation From Lightning McQueen, He Will Use Allinol In The Final Race Despite What Occurred Today.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[Through The Telephone]'' Till Lightning McQueen Is Dead!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Of Course. ''[The Phone Call Ends]'' Allinol Must Be Finished For Good. McQueen Cannot Win The Last Race. Lightning McQueen Must Be Killed!
:'''Mater:''' No!
:''[Mater Bumps Into A TV Which Breaks His Special Siren Light, He Turns Into All The Silly Disguises And Turns Normal].''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' '''''It's The American Spy!!!'''''
:''[The Lemons Aim Guns At Him].''
:'''Mater:''' Dad-Gum!
:'''Computer:''' ''[Gets The Gatling Guns Out Of Mater's Bodywork]'' Gatling Gun: Request Acknowledged.
:'''Mater:''' Let Me Go!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You Actually Care About That Race Car: A Pity You Didn't Warn Him In Time.
:''[The Transport Vehicle's Door Shuts, Trapping Mater Inside And Blacks Him Out With Sleeping Gas].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' Idiot, Is That How You See Me?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' That's How Everyone Sees You, I Tell You That's The Genius Of It, No One Realizes They're Being Fooled Because They're Too Busy Laughing At The Fool... ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Opens The Door Like Gates Of Heaven, The First Flashback In Crowd In Tokyo, Japan].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Been Leaked On The Stage]'' But I Never Leak Oil Never!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, You Have To Get A Hold Of Yourself You're Making A Scene!
:''[At The Sixth Flashback...]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticed His Friend's Angry Glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''''&lt;big&gt;I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I Talked To Somebody–
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Sadly Lowers His Head And Hears The Words Echoed Around Him].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Banging The Gong As Random Cars Laugh]'' Bang The Gong: Get It On!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Voice]'' Listen, This Isn't Radiator Springs, This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things!
:''[Mater's Eyes Are Filled In Terror And Watches This, He Wakes Up To See He's Tied Up Above Cogs As A Bell Chimes And Finds Himself In A Room Full Of Cogs And Looks To See Tied Up Dangling Next To Him With Finn &amp; Holley Tied Up In The Gears' Teeth].''
:'''Mater:''' Holley! Finn! Where Are We?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We're In [[London]] Mater, Inside Big Bentley.
:''[The Camera Zooms Out To Show The Outside Of The Great Elizabeth Tower Where Big Bentley Is With The Clock Saying 3 O'Clock In The Afternoon, The Changes Shot To Show The Tower Next To The Houses Of Parliament As The Ropes Holding Mater &amp; The Cages Unwind].''
:'''Mater:''' Oh This, This Is All My Fault.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Don't Be A Fool Mater.
:'''Mater:''' But I Am Remember, You Said So.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where Did I; Oh; Mater, I Was Complimenting You On What A Good Spy You Are.
:'''Mater:''' ''[In A Shout That Echoes]'' '''&lt;big&gt;I'M NOT A SPY!!!!&lt;/big&gt;''' ''[Voice Echoes As Finn &amp; Holley Feels Completely In Shocked]'' I've Been Trying To Tell You That The Whole Time, I Really Am Just A Tow Truck.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, He's Not Joking.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Know.
:'''Mater:''' You Were Right Finn, I'm A Fool And What's Happened To McQueen Is 'Cause I'm Such A Big One: This Is All My Fault.
:''[They Notice Grem &amp; Acer Arrive In An Elevator].''
:'''Grem:''' ''[To Mater, Holley and Finn]'' Good, You're Up.
:'''Acer:''' And Just In Time.
:'''Grem:''' ''[Uncovers The EMP Generator]'' Professor Z Wanted You To Have A Front-Row Seat For The Death Of Lightning McQueen.
:'''Mater:''' He's Still Alive?
:'''Acer:''' Not For Much Longer.
:''[At the third and final race in London, Grem has the E.M.P. ray aimed at Lightning]''
:'''Grem:''' Here he comes.
:''[Mater watches horrified as Grem starts the Emitter at 100% power. The Emitter's red light glows brightly. The Emitter continues to aim at Lightning, but nothing happens to him and continues racing]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' What happened?
:'''Grem:''' I don't know, Professor.
:'''Acer:''' What did you do.
:'''Grem:''' I didn't do nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Finn, You're OK!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Listen To Me, The Bomb Is On You, They Know You'd Try To Help McQueen, When We Were Knocked Out They Planned It In Your Air Filter!
:'''Mater:''' Uh-Oh.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Coming Down The Pit Lane]'' Mater, There You Are!
:'''Mater:''' Stop Right There!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh Man, I've Been So Worried About You!
:'''Mater:''' Don't Come Any Closer!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Are You OK?
:'''Mater:''' ''[Reverses Out Of The Pit Lane Into The Racetrack]'' No I'm Not OK, Stay Away From Me!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Wait, Wait!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Hold Everything, A Tow Truck Has Just Raced Onto The Track And He's Driving Backwards!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Normally An Emergency Vehicle On The Track Means There's Been An Accident.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Wait Wait, Lightning McQueen Is Chasing Him!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Drives Around The Victoria Memorial]'' Stay Back, If You Get Close To Me You're Going To Get Hurt Real Bad!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Know I Made You Feel That Way Before, But None Of That Matters Because We're Best Friends!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And McQueen Seems To Be Having A Conversation With The Tow Truck.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I Don't Know Who That Truck Is Brent, But I'll Tell You What, He's Got To Be The World's Best Backwards Driver.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, You Don't Get It, I'm The Bomb!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes Mater, You Are The Bomb, That's What I'm Trying To Say Here, You've Always Been The Bomb And You'll Always Be The Bomb!
:'''Mater:''' Stay Away!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, Never!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And Lightning McQueen Just Blasted Away, Hooked To The Now Rocket-Propelled Tow Truck.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, I'll get Zündapp, you help Mater!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Got it!
:''[Holley flies right on top of Francesco, disorienting him].''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' '''''WHAT IS HAPPENING?!'''''
:''[Professor Z Zooms Through The Streets And Passes Through The Traffic And Raced Towards The Tower Bridge Where Tony Trihull Is Waiting For Him At The River Thames].''
:'''Tony Trihull:''' Hurry Professor!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Aah!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[to Professor Zündapp]'' Ha! Do you really think, I'm goin' to let you float away, Professor?!
:'''Mater''': McQueen, let go!
:'''Lightning''': Never!
:'''Blue Gremlin''': ''[via headset]'' Hey they're coming your way.
:'''Grem''': Let's go. 
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Give it up, McMissile! ''[But, like any other hero, Finn refuses to give up and launches bombs at Tony, who looks at them in horror. The bombs then explode massively, killing and destroying Tony once and for all, and Professor Zündapp is captured by Finn. Holley is then seen catching up to Lightning and Mater.]''
:'''Holley''': Mater, stop!
:'''Mater''': No way! You could get hurt.
:'''Holley''': ''[gasps; sees Grem and Acer heading towards Lightning and Mater with guns drawn]'' Oh, no. ''[She bumps into Grem and Acer]'' 
:'''Acer &amp; Grem:''' '''AAH!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Mater, we've gotta get that bomb off you.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Bomb?
:'''Mater:''' ''[explains to his friend]'' Yeah, they strapped it to me to kill you as a backup plan.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Backup plan? Mater, who put a bomb on you? ''[Finn arrives with Professor Zündapp strapped up]''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[to Lightning]'' '''''You.''''' Why didn't my death ray '''''KILL YOU?!'''''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[shocked/flabbergasted]'' Death ray?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''': Turn off the bomb, Zündapp! ''(Now!)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Are you all so dense? It's voice-activated. Everything is voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater''': Deactivate! Deactivate!
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[activates countdown timer for 5:00; Mater gasps in shock]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': ''(Mater, what's wrong?)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Oops! ''[scoffs]'' Did I forget to mention it can only be disarmed by the one who activated it?
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[firmly pulls out her taser gun]'' Say it!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Deactivate.
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[timer subtracts 1 minute]''
:'''Mater''': ''[alarmed]'' Whoa!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[his last words in the film]'' Oh. I'm not the one who activated it. Would anyone else like to try? ''[gets tazed by Holley and knocked out unconscious]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[smirks]'' You read my mind.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Ugh, he was getting on my nerves.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What do we do?
:'''Victor Hugo:''' It's very simple. You blow up. ''[The whole group of lemons surround the four]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I'm gonna go out on a limb here - these are the guys that want me dead, correct?
:'''Vladimir''': It's nothing personal.
:'''Mater:''' Fellers listen, I know what you're going through. Everybody's been laughing at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better. ''[The lemons seem to take this in]''
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' ''[deploying his gun]'' Yeah, but it's worth a shot!
:[Red with Sally behind him squirts J. Curby and four gremlins behind a fence, Finn shoots his harpoon line into four Hugos and shoots his grappling hooks upwards slamming the Hugos into each other, Holley deploits her wings taking a pair of the Hugos and slams them into a pair of gremlins, Luigi and Guido split off their tires, immobilizing them]
:'''Guido:''' Pitstop!
:[Flo shines her lights on Vladimir temporarily blinding him]
:'''Sheriff:''' ''[puts a boot on Vladmir]'' Not today boys!!
:[Mater yells as he karate hits and slams Ivan, two Hugos, and lasso throws Tubbs Pacer out which Ramone sternly spray paint swipes him in the right eye giving him a bit of pinkeye]
:''[Finn, Mater, Lightning, Holley, Sheriff, Luigi, &amp; Guido sternly face off at the remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer with angered looks]''
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Retreat!!
:[The remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer flee the area, but stop when they see Sarge with the British military.]
:'''Sarge:''' Thanks for the help, Corporal.
:'''Josh Coolant:''' Anything for one of Pops' mates.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guido:''' ''[Tries to unscrew the bomb from Mater's hood, but fails]'' Con questi bullone el cabo il mie chiave non funzionano! ''[throws his tool gun towards the ground and walks away]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' [to Luigi] Wh-What's he saying? What's wrong?
:'''Luigi:''' None of his wrenches fit the bolts!
:'''Mater:''' ''[looks and then gets a sudden realization]'' I get it. I get it! I know what needs to be done!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' (Really?) Then do it!
:'''Mater:''' What? No. I can't do it. Look, nobody takes me seriously. I know that now. This ain't Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes, it is. Look, you're yourself in Radiator Springs. Be yourself here. And if... if people aren't taking you seriously, then they need to change, not you. I know that now because I was wrong before. Now, you can do this. You're the bomb.
:'''Mater:''' ''[starts to feel better]'' Thanks, buddy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, no, no, you're the ''actual'' bomb! Now let's go!
:'''Mater:''' Oh, right! Hang on! ''[Lightning hooks up to him and drives away with him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mater has delivered Lightning to Buckingham Palace and exposes the bomb to the audience with barely 2 minutes left on the clock, causes a massive scramble]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[arriving; to the audience]'' Hold your fire! He can't disarm it! Mater, I don't know what you're doing, ''[Holley arrives]'' but stand down now!
:'''Mater''': This ain't nothing at all like Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, just cut to the chase.
:'''Mater''': Okay. It's ''him!'' ''[points to Miles]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''What? Me?'' You've got to be crazy.
:'''Mater''': I figured it out when I realized y'all attached this tickin' time bomb with Whitworth bolts, the same bolts that hold together that old British engine from the photograph. Holley, show that picture!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Okay. ''[shows the holographic photo of the mysterious hood engine]''
:'''Mater''': And then ''I'' remembered what they said about old British engines: &quot;If there ain't no oil under 'em, there ain't no oil (over) in 'em&quot;.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' What is he talking about?
:'''Mater''': It was you leaking oil at the party in Japan. ''You'' just blamed it on me.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Electric cars don't use oil, you twit!
:'''Mater''': Then ''you're'' fakin' it. ''You'' didn't convert to no electric. ''[Miles realizes that he knows the truth, then backs away]'' When we pop that hood, we gonna see that engine from that picture right there.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[panicking]'' This lorry's crazy! ''He's'' gonna kill us all! ''[backs up to the edge of the stage]'' '''''Stay away!'''''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' But Sir Axlerod created the race, Mater. Why would ''he'' want to hurt anyone?
:'''Mater:''' To Make Allinol Look Bad So Everybody'd Go Back To Using Oil, I Mean He Said It Himself With That Disgusted Voice.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' &quot;Disguised voice&quot;? What are you talking about? You're nuts, you are!
:'''Prince William:''' This Is Going Nowhere Fast, We Really Should Go Grandmother.
:'''The Queen:''' One Moment, I'd Like To See Where This Is Going.
:''[The bomb's countdown is at 29 seconds]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': Mater, ''he'' created Allinol.
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but what if ''he'' found that huge oil field just as the world was tryna find somethin' else? What if ''he'' came up with Allinol just to make alternative fuel look bad?
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[as the bomb's countdown goes from 19 to 18 seconds]'' &quot;What if&quot;? You're basing this on a ''&quot;what if&quot;?!''
:'''Security Guard:''' Okay, that's it.
:'''Another Security Guard:''' Right, lads, clear out! ''[the other guards evacuate, followed by the Queen and the spectators]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Wait, somebody save me! The lorry's crazy! Keep away, you idiot!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[shocked]'' ''Mater?!''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[worried]'' Mater!
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Someone, do something!
:'''Car in Crowd:''' ''[alarmed]'' Drive away!
:''[Mater stands his ground, glaring at Miles, while everyone braces for the explosion including Finn Holley and Lightning]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' You're insane, you are! ''[the bomb counts down at 3 to 2 seconds]'' '''''DEACTIVATE!''''' ''[The bomb's countdown stops at 1 second, then shows the words &quot;Voice Accepted&quot;]''
:'''Bomb Computer''': Bomb deactivated. Have a nice day, Sir Axlerod:).
:''[Mater smiles in satisfaction. The police cruisers surround a shocked Miles, as Mater pops the hood open, revealing the mysterious V-8 engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': The engine from the photo.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[Compares the image]'' It's a perfect match.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[his last words; still shocked]'' How did the tow truck figure it out? ''[getting escorted away by the police cruisers, offscreen]''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[to Mater]'' It's official. You're coming to all my races from now on.
:'''Mater''': Now you're talking!
:''[they forgivingly bump their tires]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[For his actions, Mater is being knighted by the Queen]''
:'''The Queen:''' I hereby dub thee ''Sir'' Tow Mater.
:''[the crowd cheers and applauds]''
:'''Mater:''' &quot;Sir&quot;? Shoot, you can just call me Mater, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this &quot;sir&quot; business. By the way, have y'all met each other? Queen, McQueen. McQueen, Queen. McQueen, McMissile. McMissile, McQueen. Queen, McMissile.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater''': So, there we were, my rocket jets goin' full blast, McQueen hangin' on for dear life, when suddenly, them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere with guns drawn. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere, this beautiful spy car swoops in from the sky to save us.
:'''Minny:''' That's a very entertaining story, young man.
:'''Van''': Oh, Minny, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy cars--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[out of nowhere]'' No, you're quite right. ''[landing]'' It ''does'' sound a bit far-fetched.
:'''Mater''': Holley! What are you doin' here?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hello, Mater! It's so good to see you again.
:'''Mater''': Finn!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Our Satellites Picked Up An Urgent Communiqué.
:'''Luigi''': So, you got-a my email.
:'''Mater''': Oh, man. Y'all is gon' have a great time. Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm Mater's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all.
:''[Guido's jaw drops, his forks hit the ground in shock]''
:'''Luigi:''' ''[smiling]'' Guido believe you now.
:'''Flo:''' ''[Looking At Holley's Dent]'' Whoa Honey, You Got A Nasty Dent There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah.
:'''Van:''' Was That From When You Swooped In And You Saved Them In London?
:'''Minny:''' Van!
:'''Van:''' What, I'm Just Asking!
:'''Flo:''' Ah Don't You Worry Sweet Pea, My Baby Ramone Can Get That Fixed Up For You In No Time.
:'''Ramone:''' Yeah Sure Thing Man No Problemo, Just Let Me Go Get My Tools.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Oh-No-No, I-I'm Keeping That Dent; It's Way Too Valuable.
:'''Mater''': ''[Grins].''
:'''Lizzie''': A Valuable Dent, Oh She's As Crazy As Mater.
:'''Mack''': Oh Those Two Are Perfect For Each Other.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': You know, there's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I...
:'''Mater''': ''[finishing Lightning's question]'' Explode in a fiery inferno?
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Yeah.
:'''Finn McMissile''': We couldn't figure that out, either.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Our investigation proved that Allinol was actually gasoline and Axlerod engineered it so when It got hit by the beam it would explode.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Wait a second, Fillmore; You said my fuel was safe.
:''[Everyone turns and curiously looks at Fillmore]''
:'''Fillmore''': If you're implying that I switched out that rot-gut excuse for alternative fuel with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biofuel just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man; It was ''him.'' ''[points to Sarge]''
:'''Sarge''': Once big oil, always big oil... man.
:'''Fillmore''': Tree-hugger.
:''[The Camera Shows On A Banner Saying &quot;Radiator Springs Grand Prix&quot; Before Moving Down To Show Sheriff Slowly Driving Along The Main Road With The World Grand Prix Racers Behind Him With The Spectators Watching Beside Hay Bales Being Used As Barriers].''
:'''Sheriff''': The Radiator Springs Grand Prix Is About To Begin; All Spectators, Clear The Starting Line.
:'''Lewis Hamilton''': Man, I Can't Wait To Get Rocking; This Is Gonna Be Wicked!
:'''Jeff Gorvette''': Yeah, We Should Do This Every Year.

== Taglines ==
* Fuel the love.
* Spy it only in theaters June 24, 2011.
* The mission begins.
* From the creators of ''[[Toy Story 3]]''.
* Original score composed by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].
* They're not just racing around the world; they're racing to save the world.

== See also ==
* ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''
* ''[[Cars 3]]''

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-3}}
* [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]] — [[w:Lightning McQueen|Lightning McQueen]]
* [[Larry the Cable Guy]] — [[w:Mater (Cars)|Mater]]
* [[w:Michael Caine|Michael Caine]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Finn McMissile|Finn McMissile]]
* [[w:Emily Mortimer|Emily Mortimer]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Holley Shiftwell|Holley Shiftwell]]
* [[Eddie Izzard]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Sir Miles Axlerod|Miles Axlerod]]
* [[w:John Turturro|Johnny Turturro]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Francesco Bernoulli|Francesco Bernoulli]]
* [[w:Brent Musburger|Brent Musburger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Brent Mustangburger|Brent Mustangburger]]
* [[w:Thomas Kretschmann|Thomas Kretschmann]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Professor Zündapp|Professor Zündapp]] 
* [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Grem|Grem]]
* [[w:Peter Jacobson|Peter Jacobson]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Acer|Acer]]
* [[w:Kenan Thompson|Kenan Thompson]] — Victor Hugo
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] — [[w:Sally Carrera|Sally]]
* [[w:Cheech Marin|Cheech Marin]] — Ramone
* [[w:Paul Nakauchi|Paul Nakauchi]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Shu Todoroki|Shu Todoroki]]
* [[w:Jeff Gordon|Jeff Gordon]] — [[w:Jeff Gorvette|Jeff Gorvette]]
* [[Lewis Hamilton]] — Himself
* [[Darrell Waltrip]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Darrell Cartrip|Darrell Cartrip]]
* [[w:Franco Nero|Franco Nero]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Uncle Topolino|Uncle Topolino]]
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Mack|Mack]]
{{col-end}}

== Teaser Trailer ==
:'''Narrator:''' The most advanced technology, the most exotic locations, the most dangerous assignments. Next summer, get ready to roll, with the world's newest secret agents.
:''[Lightning and Mater are putting red lights around them]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater?
:'''Mater:''' I think we bit off more than we could chew.
:''[the text puts up film's title and Spy it only in theaters June 2011]''

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=1216475|title=Cars 2}}

{{Cars}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2011 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2011 American animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:British computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Cars (film)]]
[[Category:Sports films]]
[[Category:Spy films]]
[[Category:American auto racing films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]
[[Category:Films set in Arizona]]
[[Category:Films set in Italy]]
[[Category:Films set in London]]
[[Category:Films set in Britain]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]
[[Category:Films set in France]]
[[Category:Films set in Tokyo]]
[[Category:Films set in Japan]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Strawberry Shortcake's Berry Bitty Adventures</title>
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      <text bytes="41095" sha1="dhwa5k9fhxnu6ooqb57di0fg1zunwui" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Strawberry Shortcake's Berry Bitty Adventures|Strawberry Shortcake's Berry Bitty Adventures]]''''' is a 2009 computer-animated television series and the relaunch of ''[[w:Strawberry Shortcake|Strawberry Shortcake]]'' franchise. The series, produced by [[w:MoonScoop|MoonScoop Group]], [[w:Cookie Jar Group|Cookie Jar Entertainment]], [[w:Iconix Brand Group|Iconix Brand Group]], [[w:Splash Entertainment|Splash Entertainment]] and [[w:American Greetings|American Greetings]], follows the adventures of Strawberry and her friends in Berry Bitty City. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 4 to 11.

== Pilot ==
=== ''The Strawberry Shortcake Movie: Sky's the Limit'' === 
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh! Now Custard... ''[She puts the cups down]'' That's not something to play with. ''[She boops Custard's nose while giggling; sees a shadow]'' Oh! ''[Mr. Longface Caterpillar walks in]'' Hi, Mr. Longface Caterpillar!
:'''Mr. Longface''': I didn't mean to startle you, Miss Shortcake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Lemon Meringue''': So, how is someone as bitty as us suppose to move something as big as that?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': We'll think of a way.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': I hope so, because without water, the berries will die.
:'''Berrykin Princess''': No water, no berries; no berries, no juice; no juice, no city; and no city, no use.
:'''Plum Pudding''': No kidding.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I'm sorry I brought you all this way for nothing. We better turn back.
:'''Mr. Longface''': Chin up! You tried your best. There's really no shame in turning home.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': But what home?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Plum, crying is nothing to be ashamed of.
:'''Plum Pudding''': I know I joke all the time, but the truth is, I love Berry Bitty City. It's my home. Another home won't be the same.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Plum, that's all you had to say.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Plum Pudding''': But all the gold!
:'''Mr. Longface''': It's just fool's gold, I'm afraid.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': It's a mineral called iron pyrite. It sparkles like gold. That's why it's called &quot;fool's gold&quot;.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': So we're the fools?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': There isn't time. They've already left. The strawberries need to be replanted. They are not going to turn around and come back here to take a risk on another wild scheme.
:'''Orange Blossom''': They will if you ask them.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Me? Why would they listen to me?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Because you have a serious talent.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Cooking?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': No, helping people believe they can do anything.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''Fish Out Of Water'' [1.1] ===
:'''Orange Blossom''': Oh Todd, I'm so sorry. Where did I go wrong? I've tried to give him everything a fish needs.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I know you have.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Everything a fish could want.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I know you did.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Everything a fish—
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': He's not a fish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But it might be best to take him back to the stream, huh?
:'''Orange Blossom''': What? I can't do that. I promised to take care of him.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But that's when you thought he was a fish. It's just that, well, isn't a frog more than you bargained for?
:'''Orange Blossom''': I am not going to turn my back on him just because he switched species. He, Tad, can't help it if he's a frog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Oh, no. Tad, doing his night croaking.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': How can we do our night sleeping?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Maybe the croaking is just a stage, and he'll grow out of it.
:'''Plum Pudding''': That'll probably be the only thing he doesn't grow out of.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orange Blossom''': Strawberry!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Orange, What's the matter?
:'''Orange Blossom''': It's Tad! He's He's gone! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[gasps]'' Now don't worry! everyone's out looking, I'm sure the berrykins will find him any minute now. He couldn't have gone very far!
:'''Orange Blossom''': I did everything I could for him, I kept him cool when he was hot, warm when he was cold raised him, sheltered him, no frog has ever been so loved and now he ran away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Orange, everyone knows you to be so kind and considerate, but I think maybe you've been trying to be so kind and considerate to Tad that you've forgotten about everyone else.
:'''Orange Blossom''': But you guys are my friends. My very best friends. I could never forget you.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': What I mean is, Tad has caused a bit of trouble, and—
:'''Orange Blossom''': But he doesn't know any better.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Exactly. I think being responsible for a pet means taking responsibility for any trouble he causes, because the pet really doesn't know any better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I know it's been difficult. But I know if it meant doing the right thing for Tad, you could do something even more difficult.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Of course! I'd do anything for Tad. What is it, that's more difficult than all the things I've done so far? I mean, those were big things. What's bigger than that?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Letting him go.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Oh Strawberry...
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Sometimes the berry biggest things we have to do are the things we can't even see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orange Blossom''': He didn't even say goodbye.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But did you see how happy he was?
:'''Orange Blossom''': Yeah, you're right. He wasn't just happy, he was the happiest I've ever seen him! Oh, and that makes me happy too!

=== ''A Stitch in Time'' [1.2] ===
:'''Plum Pudding''': Hi, guys!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Hi, Plum Pudding!
:'''Plum Pudding''': Where are you off to, Strawberry?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': On a camp out. I'm trying to write a poem about wishing on a shooting star, and Mr. Longface says to write about something, you should experience it.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Ah yes. Just like when I dance. One has to feel it from within.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Uh, yeah.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Think it might be a little cold tonight for a camp out?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Well, if this will make me a better writer, it's worth it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': And how many nights have you girls been fashion sprites?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Elves.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Hi all! Tea? Muffins? I know: smoothies!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': But—
:'''Lemon Meringue''': I thought—
:'''Orange Blossom''': You said we'd be meeting in private.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': No, I didn't. I'm sorry girls, but I just don't feel comfortable taking secret meetings. I have a feeling this is something that we need to get out in the open. I mean, none of you would like the idea of something being done behind your back, would you?
:'''Plum Pudding''': But it was only—
:'''Lemon Meringue''': We didn't mean to, Strawberry!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': We were just trying to—
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It's okay, it's okay. I know you wanted to help Raspberry, which is very sweet. I just think being secret fashion elves might not be the best way.

=== ''Vanishing Violets'' [1.3] ===
:'''Plum Pudding''': Pupcake's the thief? ''[sighs]'' It's always the cute ones.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orange Blossom''': Well, at least it wasn't another flower heist.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Next year, let's have ceramics festival instead.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Guys, I'm telling you, it's like something was under the ground. Things were going up and going down and sideways and forwards and shaking, it was like the end of the world!
:'''Raspberry Torte''': The end of the world!?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Not the end of the world.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Close to the end of the world?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': No.
:'''Plum Pudding''': The day before the end of the world? When it's getting into the part where all life as we know it ceases to—
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Plum!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lemon Meringue''': A mon... a mon... a m-mon...
:'''Plum Pudding''': Monster?
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Uh-huh.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Ugh, why did you have to say that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Well, Lemon, your violets are sure first prize with somebody.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': ''[giggles]'' Just my luck it's a gopher.

=== ''Babysitter Blues'' [1.4] ===
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Easy. Easy. Slow. Slow!
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Shh, Lemon. You'll make her nervous!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Don't worry, I'm already nervous.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Thank you, Strawberry.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': You're welcome. You're the first to try my Rainbow Smoothie. Now that the right colors match the flavors again, I could finish it.
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Hmm! Pretty and tasty!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Aww, thank you! I'm glad you like it. Oh, that's very pretty!
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Thank you, Strawberry.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, the color I want... Well, it's not here. ''[Gasps]'' I know! Say, can you make this crayon a color that's a little bit more like this one?
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Uh-uh.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Why not?
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Using berry sparkles to change colors is bad.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, baby Berrykin, your sparkles aren't bad, they're beautiful. It's wonderful.
:'''Baby Berrykin''': It is?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Yes, it is. All you need to do is think before you do it. Think how will it make other people feel.
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Strawberry?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Yes?
:'''Baby Berrykin''': What if I don't know?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Well, then you ask them.
:'''Baby Berrykin''': Is it okay?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Very okay! Oh, pretty! Thank you, baby Berrykin.
:'''Baby Berrykin''': You're welcome, Strawberry.

=== ''Hair Today Gone Tomorrow'' [1.5] ===
:'''Lemon Meringue''': I know, and I appreciate what you're trying to do. Please, girls, I'm gonna miss the bus.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Good!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': What's happening?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Strawberry!
:'''Plum Pudding''': She's moving!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Please stop her, Strawberry!
:'''Orange Blossom''': Don't let her leave!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Lemon! you're leaving?
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Oh, Strawberry, I just feel there's no need for me to stay in Berry Bitty City. Not unless I can do something useful. Something that everyone needs.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I'll tell you what we need. Someone to take care of the complaints about this machine.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': What complaints?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, where do I begin? One, the machine is lousy at conversation and boy is it useless at giving advice. Two, it doesn't tell you how nice you look or offer any fashion hints. Three, it won't laugh at any of our jokes. Four, it doesn't fit in a sleeping bag for sleepovers, and it won't even respond when you send it an invitation! How rude. Five, it doesn't have a shoulder to cry on. And six, and this is by far the worst, it never hugs. We love you for who you are as a person and friend, Lemon, and that machine can never be any of those things.

=== ''Pop Goes the Garden'' [1.6] ===
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': What we need is a latter. Too bad all we have is an ear of corn. Wait, what did you say? Improvise. ''[realizes what Strawberry said and gasps]'' That's it! HEY!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake and Blueberry Muffin''': AN EAR OF CORN LADDER!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[excitedly]'' Yeah!!! ''[They giggle]''

=== ''The Berry Best You Can Bee'' [1.7] ===
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': What a day! But everything got delivered.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I'm sorry to say, not everything. I'm very sorry. I tried, I got as far as the bridge, but it was out.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Yeah I'd heard about it after you'd gone. Too late to stop you, I'm afraid. It's quite a thing you did, getting that far.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But I didn't deliver the package. The mail didn't get through. Oh, and I promised it would.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Actually, you promised to do the very best that you could, and you did that. You see, there are times when things happen that are out of our control. The only thing we can do is the best we can. I'll call the post office in Big Bitty City, see if we can bring in some help. Maybe take the back road through Oak Tree Meadows and get to Acorn Acres that way.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Will they get here in time?
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Well, we can only do our berry best.

=== ''Strawberry's House Pest'' [1.8] ===

=== ''Berry Bitty World Record'' [1.9] ===

=== ''Too Cool For Rules'' [1.10] ===

=== ''Berry Best BerryFest Princess'' [1.11] ===
:'''Mr. Longface''': The first challenge! The Berryfest princess judges the flower contest at the festival. Let's see who knows their flowers. You may proceed.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Ah that's easy. A rose by any other name would still smell as rosy.
:'''Mr. Longface''': That is correct.
:'''Kadiebug''': Oh, thory. I think I have a double begonia.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Don't you mean double pneumonia, Kadiebug?
:'''Mr. Longface''': No, no, no. Kadiebug was right the first time. It is a begonia.
:'''Orange Blossom''': The flower is a daisy. ''[sniffs]'' And you had... ''[sniffs]'' three slices of cantaloupe at lunch.
:'''Mr. Longface''': you are right! On both counts...
:'''Plum Pudding''': What do you call a flower that grows in between your nose and your chin? Tulips! Get it? Two lips.
:'''Mr. Longface''': Good answer, and a lackluster joke.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Lackluster? What does that mean?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': He means not so good.
:'''Plum Pudding''': ''[scoffs]'' I thought it was a fabulous joke. Well, everyone has different tastes, I guess.
:'''Mr. Longface''': Oh, I'm sorry, you ate your flower and you are disqualified.
:'''Sadiebug''': I couldn't help it. I was hungry.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': I think she ate a honeysuckle.
:'''Mr. Longface''': That is correct!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': That is a zinnia, a genus of 20 species of annual and perennial plants of family Asteraceae.
:'''Mr. Longface''': Hmm, I suppose you are correct. It's a zinnia, at least.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Oh boy, I just don't know.
:'''Mr. Longface''': Oh, terribly sorry. It was a daffodil.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Oh shucks, no wonder I missed it. Daffodils aren't in fashion this season.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, that's not what I wanna say. Or that. No, I can do better than that.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Hello, Strawberry. Having trouble writing your election speech?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Ah, not my speech. My resignation letter.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Resignation? You're dropping out of the election?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Yes, I don't want to run for Berryfest princess anymore.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': But why not? It's a great honor, you know. And we really need a Berryfest princess.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I know, but the election is causing too much trouble. Everyone has to make a choice between Orange and me, and it doesn't seem right. We've always been about friends and togetherness, but now everyone in town is forced to pick one or the other, and some don't know who to vote for and are unhappy. So... So, I think it's best if I drop out of the race.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': I'm not sure you're seeing why people should have a choice of who to vote for. You think it's, &quot;if you vote for me, you like me, and if you vote for her, you like her&quot;, but it's not really about that.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It sure feels that way.
:'''Postmaster Bumblebee''': Voting shouldn't be about who anyone likes, but the choice they're offering. And it's good to have different choices in things. A choice in what you want to eat for lunch, or— or what to wear, or anything. And you know that just because the people of Berry Bitty City might not agree on who to vote for, they can still get along. You and your friends have different opinions, yet you all get along, isn't that right?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': We do! Well, most of the time. Too bad my own campaign managers don't. ''[giggles]''

=== ''Strawberry's Berry Big Parade'' [1.12] ===
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': ''[gasps]'' Do I wanna know?
:'''Plum Pudding''': ''[still hopping]'' Come on in, Blueberry! We're trying out my parade dance! What do you think?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Well, it certainly looks hoppy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Plum Pudding''': ''[starts feeling terrible about how rude she was as she sniffles]'' No wonder she took off. If I was her, I'd quit too.
:'''Orange Blossom''': ''[voice breaking]'' I was so selfish. She kept asking us to help each other, and instead we were just... rude to each other.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': ''[voice breaking]'' I was mean.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': ''[crying]'' And she only asked us to do... one little thing.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': ''[crying]'' And I messed it up with my rhinestones.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': ''[crying and sniffling]'' No, no... It was all me with my silly glitter trying to have the best wing. Why didn't we just help each other out like she asked? ''[she hugs her best friend]''
:''[The other girls feel terrible about how rude they were as well and Plum Pudding starts crying]''
:'''Orange Blossom''': Here, please take my hankie.
:'''Plum Pudding''': ''[She takes it and blows her nose]'' Thank you.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': We're all to blame. And after Strawberry worked so hard...
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': ''[crying]'' What a great leader...
:'''Raspberry Torte''': ''[sniffling]'' Never complained.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Always polite.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Heart and gold. And she cared so much about us having fun.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': ''[through tears]'' And now, she left us!
:''[The girls cry and hug as they forgive each other for how they acted earlier until when Strawberry calls them]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Can someone help me down?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': ''[still crying]'' I can still hear her pleading voice in my memory. ''[sobs]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Please?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': ''[stops crying]'' Wait! That voice is real.
:''[All the girls stops crying]''

=== ''The Berry Best Choice'' [1.13] ===

=== ''Nothing to Fear But Berries Themselves'' [1.14] ===
:'''Orange Blossom''': On the count of three. One, two...
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': On three, or after you say three?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': You know, I was wondering the same thing.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Me too! I'd hate for you to run out on three and I was left waiting here for you to say three.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Maybe we could go out on four. Four is a good number.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Okay. Four!

=== ''Where Oh Where Has My Blueberry Gone?'' [1.15] ===
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': This missing person, they haven't been seen recently?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': You might say that.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Aha! I knew it! Now, what is their favorite color?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Favorite color? Uhh... Blue!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': If it was Wednesday—
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It is Wednesday.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Where might I find this person on a Wednesday? I mean, if they weren't missing.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Uh... At the cafe. At book club.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Say no more. Your missing person is as good as found!

=== ''Manners Meltdown'' [1.16] ===

=== ''Trading Sizes'' [1.17] ===

=== ''Different Waltz for Different Faults'' [1.18] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, Plum. I think the important thing is that we have a good time, and do our best.
:'''Plum Pudding''': That's what I'm talking about! Our best! Our ''perfectest''!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Uh, &quot;perfectest&quot; is not a real word. But you might say &quot;our perfect best&quot;.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Well, that's what I ''am'' saying then. Our perfect best. We will win. This year, we dance perfect.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Perfectly.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Perfectly. Thank you, Blueberry. I'm glad you all agree. This is gonna be our year. The year Berry Bitty City takes the dance-off prize.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': But we can't dance that perfect…ly, Plum.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Oh, we will. Just watch me. Music, please.

=== ''Happy First Frost'' [1.19] ===
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Why, it's just the biggest day ever!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Actually, astronomically speaking, it's one of the smallest days. In that it's one of the shortest days due to the Sun rising late and setting early. ''[beat]'' Uh, being winter and all ''[sighs]'' as you were saying.

=== ''A Circle of Friends'' [1.20] ===

=== ''GlimmerBerry Ball'' [1.21] ===

:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Careful, Pupcake! More apple cider, anyone?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Ooh yes, please, Strawberry. What's your secret? It's so good!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Easy, Plum. You just warm up some apple cider with a little orange rind...
:'''Orange Blossom''': Mmm, orange. My favorite!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': A tiny smidgen of lemon juice...
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Mmm, my favorite!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': A bit of cinnamon, and my secret ingredient.
:'''Plum Pudding''': What's that?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Warm wishes! I imagine my friends enjoying it and somehow it just comes out better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lemon Meringue''': That was the best ball ever!
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': I can't remember a better one.
:'''Plum Pudding''': I think I enjoyed helping out the chipmunks a lot more than just throwing our usual Glimmerberry Ball.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Me too! It made it much more special.
:'''Plum Pudding''': It's like Strawberry's secret cider ingredient.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Warm wishes?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Yes, the party was special because I kept imagining how much the chipmunks are going to enjoy their nice home and all the snacks for their hibernation.
:'''Orange Blossom''': So, do you think they enjoyed the party?
:''[The chipmunks are snoring and cooing]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I think that says it all.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Sweet dreams. See you in the spring.

=== ''Nice as Nails'' [1.22] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': And then, when we're done, you can go by the other girls' places and ask them if everything is ok.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Ask them? Oh. Oh my, no, I couldn't do that.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I know it's scary sometimes to ask difficult questions, but wouldn't you rather know the truth than imagine bad things?
:'''Lemon Meringue''': But what if the truth is something just terrible?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Could it be more terrible than what you're already afraid of? &quot;Maybe they don't like me anymore&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orange Blossom''': How did you get rid of it?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': We tried everything
:'''Plum Pudding''': Soap and water, ketchup and peanut butter...
:'''Blueberry, Orange, Plum &amp; Raspberry''': How'd you do it!?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I just told Lemon how I felt, and she removed it.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': You told her?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Bu—bu—but...
:'''Orange Blossom''': Is she all right?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Did it break her heart?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Oh Strawberry, how could you?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I just figured that part of being a good friend is having the courage to give constructive criticism. You know, telling them the truth about something so they can do better the next time. And the other part is taking that criticism in a friendly way, which Lemon did. She's fine.

=== ''How You Play the Game'' [1.23] ===

=== ''Good Citizens Club'' [1.24] ===

=== ''Team For Two'' [1.25] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It could really use some FUN colors!
:'''Princess Berrykin''': Exactly! And maybe some uh...
:''[Strawberry and Princess Berrykin jump on a dandelion bouncing pit as they come up with ideas for the daycare playground]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Decorations!
:'''Princess Berrykin''': Yes!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Design!
:'''Princess Berrykin''': Yes!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Style!
:'''Princess Berrykin''': Oh yes!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': A makeover!!!
:'''Princess Berrykin''': Exactly!
:''[They jump off]''

=== ''Lost and Found'' [1.26] ===
:''[Everyone is silent until they hear Strawberry crying that she misses Pupcake and Custard]''
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Strawberry? Are you...?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It's just... the night air. Making me... sniffle... ''[continues crying that she thinks Pupcake and Custard ran away and the girls feel sorry for her]''
:'''Lemon Meringue''': Ohh, Strawberry... You must be so worried. Oh, we've been talking about us how worried we are. ''[The girls comfort her]''
:'''Raspberry Torte''': You poor thing...
:'''Plum Pudding''': You love those pets so much.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[still crying, forlorn, heartbroken]'' I didn't want to make everyone upset, but... I'm just so scared I won't find them... And... and maybe they did... run away. You see, they wanted me to play with them, but I was too busy...

&lt;Hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Pupcake and Custard come out of the cave with the baby gopher]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[happily]'' Pupcake! Custard!
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Aww... It's just a baby gopher!
:''[Pupcake and Custard run back to Strawberry and she cuddles them]''
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[giggles]'' It's berry good to have you back! And I hope you won't run off like that ever again! ''[giggles]'' Aww!

== Season 2 ==
=== ''The Berry Big Harvest'' [2.1] ===

=== ''Room At the Top'' [2.2] ===

=== ''Starlight, Star bright'' [2.3] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Uh, wow. Well, um, here, please sit down, Buttercup— Um, Miss Jam.
:'''Cherry Jam''': Oh no, please call me Cherry. I'm sorry, Strawberry. I didn't want to give away the surprise.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I understand. I probably wouldn't have believed you anyway. You look quite different in person.
:'''Cherry Jam''': I just dress that way because it's what my fans want.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Well, I'm a fan of yours.
:'''Cherry Jam''': Oh.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But I'm also a fan of people dressing how they like. And I like the way you look right now.
:'''Cherry Jam''': And I like that.

=== ''Practice Makes Perfect'' [2.4] ===

=== ''Top Talent'' [2.5] ===

=== ''A Star is Fashioned'' [2.6] ===

=== ''No Blueberry is an Island'' [2.7] ===

=== ''Where The Berry Breeze Blows'' [2.8] ===
:'''Orange Blossom''': Hi Strawberry! Glad you came. You can help me start digging the foundation for the hotel. Cherry can help make cement, Plum can put in the plumbing, Raspberry's got the window shades and wallpaper, Lemon can lay the floor, I'll do the roof and Blueberry can... Blueberry can... Hey! Where are Cherry and Plum and Raspberry and Lemon and Blueberry? We're on a tight schedule.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': They're, uh, not coming.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Why not? ''[gasps]'' What's wrong?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Well, I think maybe you have the wrong blueprints.
:'''Orange Blossom''': I do? ''[gasps]'' Oh no! ''[sighs in relief]'' For a minute there, I thought I'd made a mistake or something. Nope these are the plans all right the plans they used to build the real resort. See? Every detail is exactly precisely the same as on Berry Breezy Island. The beach, the hotel, the chairs, the palms...
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': But what about these?
:'''Orange Blossom''': Oh, those aren't any good.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, I think they are.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Aww, come one, just look. the details are all off. See that beach? Way too small. And the chairs, they're in the wrong place, and—
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Don't you think this is the most important detail?
:'''Orange Blossom''': Huh? What detail?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': This, right here. That's us. Having fun. Having a great vacation together. Isn't that what matters most?
:'''Orange Blossom''': Well, but wouldn't it be more fun with a big pink beach like this and real palm trees like these, and...
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Hmm, I think what makes it fun is us being together, having fun.
:'''Orange Blossom''': Yeah. Come to think of it, I haven't been much fun. I guess I've been kind of bossy.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': We don't want to give up on helping you with your dream, but...
:'''Orange Blossom''': You know, maybe we don't need a big pink beach. Maybe we don't need palm trees. What if we build a tropical paradise that's just right for us?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Sounds like a very good idea, Orange.
:'''Orange Blossom''': And what if I try to have more fun building it?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': ''[giggles]'' All right!

=== ''The Berry Best Vacation'' [2.9] ===

=== ''The Berry Long Winter'' [2.10] ===

=== ''The Big Freeze'' [2.11] ===

=== ''On Ice'' [2.12] ===

=== ''On The Road'' [2.13] ===

== Season 3 ==
=== ''A Boy and His Dogs'' [3.1] ===

=== ''Partners in Crime'' [3.2] ===

=== ''The Mystery of the Disappearing Dog Show'' [3.3] ===

=== ''Snowberry and the Seven Berrykins'' [3.4] ===

=== ''Berryella and Prince Charming'' [3.5] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh, Prince Berry Charming, I can't begin to tell, ''Eek'' you how delightfully happy ''Eek'' I am to finally ''Eek'' meet you ''Eek'' at this ''Eek'' royal ''Eek''
:'''Plum Pudding''': Cut the music!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It's okay, it's alright.
:'''Plum Pudding''': I'm kind of thinking that ''Eek'' isn't what Berryella would feel for the prince at this moment.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': No, it's what I was feeling for my feet.
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': I was stepping on them.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Huh?
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': See, I, uh, don't, uh, I don't know how to dance.
:'''Plum Pudding''': Oh. Well, no problem. Our choreographer will have you waltzing in no time.
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': Who's that?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Me. Music! That's good, you're ''Eek'' getting it just ''Yargh'' maybe not so ''Eek'' if you could just ''Yargh'' Cut the music! I see what you mean. Another idea.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': Well, he's getting better, isn't he?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Yeah, yeah. I've had worse students. Not many, but some.

=== ''The Littlest Berrykin'' [3.6] ===

=== ''The Berry Big Relay Race'' [3.7] ===
:'''Strawberry''': And then they pass the baton to the third team! A SKY race! Flying on birds!!!

=== ''The Berry Best Treasure'' [3.8] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Blueberry has a predicament she needs help with.
:'''Cherry Jam''': What's a predicament?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Um, a pickle?
:'''Cherry Jam''': A pickle!?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': A jam.
:'''Cherry Jam''': Like a music jam session?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Um, no, more like a difficulty, a problem.

=== ''The Berry Scary Fun Adventure'' [3.9] ===

=== ''The Berry Lucky Day'' [3.10] ===

=== ''All Dogs Allowed'' [3.11] ===

=== ''A Basket of Blue Berries'' [3.12] ===

=== ''The Berry Biggest, Berry Baddest Bakeoff'' [3.13] ===
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': Wait, you want me to what?
:'''Orange Blossom''': Just keep Berrykin Bloom busy.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': We can't let him see us making cupcakes. It'll spoil the surprise.
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': We need a diversion.
:'''Orange Blossom''': A diversion?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': That's a fancy way of saying distraction, or keeping him busy.
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': But how am I supposed to do that?
:'''Blueberry Muffin''': I don't know, think of something. You're both guys, why don't you do guy things?
:'''Huckleberry Pie''': Guy things. I don't know, like what?
:'''Orange Blossom''': You're the guy. Figure it out.

== Season 4 ==
=== ''Berry Double Trouble'' [4.1] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Some strangers who don't seem to like each other very much have taken over my cafe. I don't know who they are. I don't know where they came from. I don't know what's going on. But I'm going to find out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Hired them? Them whom? Whom, them?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': They don't look so much like twins.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': I don't think they want to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lemon Meringue''': We'll make sure everything goes smooth as icing.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Smoothem! Smoother, even!

=== ''Berry Bitty Adventurer'' [4.2] ===
:'''Apple Dumplin''': Oh, let me help! I can turn any boring chore into an adventure. Did I tell you about the time I hitched a ride on a cargo ship and helped the crew swab the deck by getting a whale to splash it clean?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Oh yeah, I read about that in your Berry Best Bits feed. Didn't the ship kinda get, um, full of water?
:'''Apple Dumplin''': Yep, I turned it into the biggest swimming pool ever!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Hum, I uh, see what you mean. And how did the captain feel about that?
:'''Apple Dumplin''': You should have seen his face. It was so sweet! I guess nobody had ever done something like that for him. He just sat there and cried.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': I can imagine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': There's no one aboard? How'd you do that?
:'''Apple Dumplin''': Automatic return. A little feature I added. Tells the butterflies when you don't need the bus anymore. Because you know you're not gonna leave. When you know you've found the people you wanna stay with and the place you wanna stay.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Welcome home.

=== ''High Tech Drama'' [4.3] ===
:'''Lemon Meringue''': I'll see you at rehearsal in half an hour.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': We'll be there.
:'''Sour Grapes''': What's with you and this &quot;we&quot; thing.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': We are twins.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Not if I can help it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Why did you say I twisted your arm?
:'''Sour Grapes''': It's so clear now. This was all your planning to get us to look exactly the same. Of all the underhanded—
:'''Sweet Grapes''': You know this fashion show wasn't my idea.
:'''Sour Grapes''': I don't know that.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': You actually believe we all plotted behind your back?
:'''Sour Grapes''': Anything is possible.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': It's only for the show anyway. It's not like you have to look like me forever.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Hello? We're twins?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sour Grapes''': Strawberry! You identity saboteur, helping Sweet eradicate any last bit of individuality I have.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Raspberry Torte''': I'm never showing my face again.
:'''Lemon Meringue''': No, wait, I've got it: identity makeovers.
:'''Raspberry Torte''': I'm in! I'll change my name, hair, face, voice. I won't even be Raspberry anymore. I'll even start eating lima beans.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Apple Dumplin''': I'm so sorry. I was in charge of the tech. It's my fault.
:'''Sour Grapes''': It's not your fault, Apple, it's mine.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': What do you mean, Sour?
:'''Sour Grapes''': I fooled around with Apple's computer stuff. I was trying to pull the plug on the whole show. And seeing the playback of how awful I treated my sister... I never knew how awful I was.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': You're leaving?
:'''Sour Grapes''': You'll be better off without me. Sweet will stay and help you in the cafe.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Don't count on it.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Sweet? What are you... You didn't do anything wrong. You never do.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': You're my sister. I stick with you no matter what.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Oh Sweet, I'm sorry. Everywhere we go, I wear out our welcome.
:'''Apple Dumplin''': You can't leave. I've been all over, and I promise this place is the best. You'll see. This is the kind of place where you can wear out your welcome and still be welcome, because you're loved.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': That's right. Please don't go.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Really?
:'''Sour Grapes''': You'll forgive me?
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Us.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Us.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': We'll both try and get along better
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Of course.

=== ''A Berry Merry Birthday'' [4.4] ===
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Are you going?
:'''Plum Pudding''': I'm sorry, Sweet. This is awfully awkward. I looked at the time, and... I gotta change for... you know...
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Sour's birthday party.
:''[Plum Pudding nods in agreement]''
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Plum, it's okay! Go, go have fun. I'm fine, I'm enjoying myself here.
:'''Plum Pudding''': I'm sorry, but I have to say it.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Say what?
:'''Plum Pudding''': Well, I know I shouldn't say it, 'cause it's your sister and all, but I... No, I've gotta get it off my chest. I mean, what sister doesn't invite a sister to a sister's birthday party on a sister's birthday? It's just wrong! That's all. I-It's just... I don't get it, it's not nice.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Plum, I'm absolutely fine with it. It was my idea. How often do you get the opportunity to give someone what they truly want for their birthday? And like you said, she's my sister, and her having a perfect birthday means everything to me.

=== ''Tall Tale Trio'' [4.5] ===
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Perfect. We'll heat it up on our campfire, and then you all know what's next.
:'''Sour Grapes''': What? What's next? We put the fire out?
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': It's one of our longstanding campout traditions: tall tales.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Tall tales?
:'''Raspberry Torte''': Yeah, we make up fun stories. Like, tales. Like, make believe. And tell them around the campfire. Everyone gets a turn. The wilder, more outrageous, the better.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Sounds outrageously thrilling. How about short tales, so we can get home sooner?
:'''Lemon Meringue''': ''[giggles]'' You're too funny, Sour.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Cherry!
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Plum! Orange! Where have you been? Are you alright?
:'''Cherry Jam''': ''[panting]'' So sorry, Strawberry.
:'''Plum Pudding''': ''[panting]'' A long story.
:'''Orange Blossom''': ''[panting]'' You wouldn't even... ''[takes a deep breath]''
:'''Cherry Jam''': ''[panting]'' ...believe it.
:'''Strawberry Shortcake''': Try me.

=== ''Berry Big Tale-Teller'' [4.6] ===

=== ''The Berry Bitty Great Race'' [4.7] ===

=== ''The Berry Best Taste Test'' [4.8] ===

=== ''The Berry Best Biscuit'' [4.9] ===

=== ''Hot Sauce Cook Off'' [4.10] ===
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Good morning, Strawberry. Hi, Apple. Well, what do you have today that's fresh and exciting?
:'''Sour Grapes''': Somebody thinks it's time to change the menu at the cafe.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': Time to fire up the flavor. Notch up the nachos. Spice up the spice. Dial up the delish.
:'''Sour Grapes''': Meaning she wants to fix something that isn't broken.
:'''Berrykin Bloom''': Well, as I always say, it's good to find new ways of doing things. Shows you take pride in your work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Sweet Grapes''': That is the best chili sauce ever! We have to have it at the cafe.
:'''Sour Grapes''': That's twice in one day I've agreed with her. I'm starting to get worried.
:'''Sweet Grapes''': It's wonderful, Berrykin Bloom. What's your secret?
:'''Berrykin Bloom''': No secret, really. I follow three simple rules: You can't rush, everything takes time; never give up, there's a solution for every problem; and always add a little loving care, Any job worth doing is worth doing well.

=== ''The Berry Bitty Dance Disaster'' [4.11] ===

=== ''The Doggie Dance No-Show'' [4.12] ===

=== ''Dance Puppy Dance'' [4.13] ===

== Voice cast ==
* [[w:Anna Cummer|Anna Cummer]] - Strawberry Shortcake
* [[w:Andrea Libman|Andrea Libman]] - Lemon Meringue, Sweet Grapes
* [[w:Ashleigh Ball|Ashleigh Ball]] - Plum Pudding
* [[w:Britt McKillip|Britt McKillip]] - Blueberry Muffin
* [[w:Diana Kaarina|Diana Kaarina]] - Sour Grapes
* Ingrid Nilson - Raspberry Torte
* [[w:Janyse Jaud|Janyse Jaud]] - Orange Blossom
* [[w:Rebecca Shoichet|Rebecca Shoichet]] - Apple Dumplin
* [[w:Shannon Chan-Kent|Shannon Chan-Kent]] - Cherry Jam

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]</text>
      <sha1>dhwa5k9fhxnu6ooqb57di0fg1zunwui</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>138224</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951623</id>
      <parentid>3846268</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:15:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <origin>3951623</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1220" sha1="rfz9v8fh4y93rj66oj2upqjea23sgv4" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Scooby-Doo Where Are You! logo.svg|thumb]]
'''''Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!''''' is a children's animated TV series about 4 humans and their dog named Scooby-Doo who travel in The Mystery Machine and solve mysteries.

== Cast ==
* Don Messick - Scooby-Doo, Professor Jameson Hyde White, Mr. Wickles 
* Casey Kasem - Shaggy
* [[Frank Welker]] - Fred, Vulture, Charlie, Pink dog, Johnny, Girl dog puppet,
* Indira Stefanianna - Daphne, Sharon Wetherby (Season 1)
* Heather North - Daphne (Season 2)
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] - Velma

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|0063950|Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!}}
* [http://www2.warnerbros.com/sd_brand/index.html Official Scooby-Doo Website]

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:1960s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:ABC animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:TV shows about dogs]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Pitch Perfect</title>
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      <parentid>3951448</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:04:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Reverted edit by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-34279-18|~2026-34279-18]] ([[User talk:~2026-34279-18|talk]]) to last version by UDScott</comment>
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      <text bytes="11618" sha1="1z42ay9j60a44srwe66eup93sgf465g" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Pitch Perfect|Pitch Perfect]]'''''  is a [[w:2012 in film|2012 American musical comedy film]] about an all-girl college a cappella group, The Barden Bellas, as they compete against another a cappella group from their college (The Barden Treblemakers) to win Nationals. 
:''Directed by [[w:Jason Moore (director)|Jason Moore]]. Written by [[w:Kay Cannon|Kay Cannon]], loosely adapted from Mickey Rapkin's non-fiction book Pitch Perfect: The Quest for Collegiate A Cappella Glory.''
{{center|'''Get Pitch Slapped'''}}

== Aubrey Posen ==
* I'm sorry, but I am my father's daughter, and he always says, &quot;If at first you don't succeed, pack your bags.&quot;

== Fat Amy ==
* Even though some of you are pretty thin, I think you all have fat hearts. And that's what matters.

* You guys are gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your man boobs are gonna concave.

== Dialogue == 
:'''Alice''': ''[trying to fix Chloe's scarf]'' Chloe, look at you! You're a mess! You're unfocused. You're unreliable. And your breath smells like egg. Like, all the time. I can't believe the Bellas are being passed on to you two slut bags after we graduate. ''[to Aubrey]'' Just don't eff up your solo.
:'''Aubrey''': I won't disappoint you. My dad always says, &quot;If you're not here to win, get the hell outta Kuwait.&quot;
:'''Alice''': Has your dad ever told you to shut up?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bumper''': Good luck out there! Seriously, you girls are awesome... ly horrible. I hate you, kill yourselves. Girl power! ''[mockingly]'' Sisters before misters! ''[leaves]
:'''Alice''': All right, ladies, it's now or never. Hands in!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chloe''': So, are you interested?
:'''Beca''': Sorry, it's just... it's pretty lame.
:'''Aubrey''': A-ca-'''''SCUSE''''' me? Synchronized lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart-topper is NOT lame!
:'''Chloe''': We sing all over the world, and we compete in national championships!
:'''Beca''': On purpose?
:'''Aubrey''': We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, you bitch!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chloe has burst, stark naked, into Beca's stall while she's showering after having heard her sing]''
:'''Chloe''': You '''''have''''' to audition for the Bellas!
:'''Beca''': I can't concentrate on anything you're saying until you cover your junk.
:'''Chloe''': Just consider it! One time, we sang back-up for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tommy''': ''[to prospective singers]'' For the audition, you will sing 16 bars of [[w:Kelly Clarkson|Kelly Clarkson]]'s 'Since You've Been Gone'. If a group likes you, they will contact you directly. My tone-deaf sidekick, Justin here, will be collecting your information.
:'''Justin''': If I could sing a lick, I would. But I can't. And I hate myself everyday because of it.
:'''Tommy''': I know. But if you think this is just some high school club where you can sing and dance your way through any social issue... Or confused sexuality, you have come to the wrong place. There is none of that here. That's high school. This shit is real life. Now, don't just bring it, sing it, and let's do this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chloe''': What's your name?
:'''Fat Amy''': Fat Amy.
:'''Aubrey''': You call yourself &quot;Fat Amy&quot;?
:'''Fat Amy''': Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bumper''': Well, well, well, look who's in &quot;treble.&quot;
:'''Donald''': Ah, classic pun.
:'''Bumper''': I know.
:''[The pieces of cloth are yanked off of Jesse and Kolio's heads. Shocked, they exchange looks]''
:'''Jesse''': No Benji?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Beca's Dad''': You've been here, what, a month now? Do you have any friends?
:'''Beca''': Kimmy Jin is my friend. 
:'''Kimmy Jin''': ''[shakes her head, not even looking up from her laptop]'' Nope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aubrey''': The Trebles don't respect us, and if we let them penetrate us, we are giving them our power.
:'''Fat Amy''': Not a good enough reason to use the word 'penetrate.'

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chloe''': I have a feeling that we're going to be really good friends.
:'''Beca''': Well, you saw me naked, so...
:'''Chloe''': All right. I'm gonna go get a drink. This ginger needs her jiggle juice.
:'''Beca''': Make good choices...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cynthia Rose''': I have a confession to make.
:'''Fat Amy''': We all know where this is going. Lesbi-honest.
:'''Cynthia Rose''': This is hard for me to admit to you guys, but for the past two years, I have had a serious...gambling problem.
:'''Fat Amy''': What?
:'''Beca''': What?
:'''Cynthia Rose''': It all started when I broke up with my girlfriend.
:'''Fat Amy''': Whoomp, there it is!
:''[Cynthia Rose gives Amy a disgusted look]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chloe''': I have nodes...
:'''Fat Amy''': Chloe, don't worry, it's just God punishing you 'cause you're a ginger.
:'''Beca''': Isn't that painful? Why would you keep performing?
:'''Chloe''': Because I love to sing.
:'''Stacie''': Yeah, it's like when my lady doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway.
:'''Fat Amy''': You should really listen to your doctor.
:'''Stacie''': Meh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Amy''': ''[out of breath from learning choreography]'' I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.
:'''Aubrey''': How much have you done?
:'''Fat Amy''': You just saw it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bumper:''' You are probably the grossest human being I've ever seen.
:'''Fat Amy:''' Well, you're no panty-dropper yourself. 
:'''Bumper:''' So I have a feeling...that we should kiss. Is that feeling a good feeling, or an incorrect feeling?
:'''Fat Amy:''' Well I sometimes have a feeling I can do crystal meth. But then I think mmm...better not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aubrey''': I know you have a toner for Jesse.
:'''Beca''': A what?
:'''Aubrey''': A toner. A musical boner. I saw it on Hood Night. It's distracting.
:'''Beca''': Yeah, that's not a thing, and you're not the boss of me. So...
:'''Aubrey''': You took an oath.
:'''Beca''': That oath cost you two girls already today. I'm pretty sure you need me more than I need you. ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Aubrey''': I can see your toner through those jeans!!
:'''Beca''': That's my dick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John''': The bad boys of a cappella have just gotten badder!
:'''Gail''': Whoo! That's right, John, I'm gonna have to excuse myself to freshen up the downtown.
:'''John''': Can '''''I''''' help?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Beca''': You must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet.
:'''Jesse''': Oh I don't have a girlfriend.
:'''Beca''': ''[sarcastically]'' What!? No! You have juice pouches and '''''Rocky'''''!
:'''Jesse''': Okay, so what do you wanna watch first?
:'''Beca''': Can we do something else? We could relive my parents' divorce. Or visit a gynecologist.
:'''Jesse''': What, do you not like movies or something? ''[Beca gives him a look]'' Like, any movies? You don't...What the hell is wrong with you? How do you not like movies? Not liking movies is like not liking puppies.
:'''Beca''': They're fine. I just get bored and never make it to the end.
:'''Jesse''': The endings are the best part!
:'''Beca''': They're predictable. Like, the guy gets the girl, and that kid sees dead people, and Darth Vader is Luke's father.
:'''Jesse''': Okay, right, so you just happened to guess the biggest cinematic reveal in history?
:'''Beca''': &quot;Vader&quot; in German means father. His name is '''''literally''''' &quot;Darth Father.&quot; 
:'''Jesse''': ...So you know German. Well now I know why you don't like fun things.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesse''': ''[after helping get Beca out of jail]'' Hey, Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.
:'''Beca''': Hey, you know you just have to say, &quot;Hey, Million Dollar Baby.&quot; You don't have to reference the specific actress.
:'''Jesse''': Damn, prison changed you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beca returns to her room after being released from jail]''
:'''Fat Amy''': Ah! What up, Shawshank?
:'''Cynthia Rose''': Did you get yourself a bitch?
:'''Fat Amy''': Did they spray you with a hose?
:'''Lilly''': ''[quietly]'' I did a turn at County.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gail''': The Barden Bellas went deep into the archive for that song, John. I remember singing it with my own a cappella group.
:'''John''': And what group was that, Gail?
:'''Gail''': The Minstrel Cycles, John.
:'''John''': Well, that's an unfortunate name.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kolio''': ''[notices Fat Amy at the gas station that the Treblemakers are passing in their bus]'' Yo, Bump, is that Fat Amy?
:'''Bumper''': Donald, slow down. Slow down! Yeah! ''[runs to the window]'' Hey, Amy? SABOTAGE!! ''[chucks his burrito out of the window, and it hits Fat Amy in the chest as she's filling up the bus' gas tank]'' 
:'''Fat Amy''': Ugh! ''[the Trebles laugh as they drive away]'' I've been shot. I've just been SHOT! Help me! ''[slowly collapses]''
:'''Cynthia Rose''': ''[gets out of the bus]'' Fat Amy! They shot Amy! I've got you, I've got you. ''[tries to help Fat Amy by giving her mouth to mouth]''  
:'''Fat Amy''': No, no, no, I'm talking, I'm talking... I'm sitting up.
:'''Cynthia Rose''': All right, cool. ''[Beca and Lilly get out to help]''
:'''Fat Amy''': There's no need for that. No mouth to mouth. Oh, shit! Bumper threw a big-ass burrito at me! I'm gonna kill him, I swear. I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gail''': Whoo, that little peanut can sing!
:'''John''': He really can. It sounds to me, though, Gail, like his boys haven't dropped yet, if you know what I mean.
:'''Gail''': If you mean his testicles, then I do, John. I do. I really do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John''': Oh my goodness gracious, would you look at this - gone are those Bella uniforms, and this is a whole new look for them, and it's hot, hot, hot!
:'''Gail''': John, these girls could turn me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gail''': I think we have just seen some a cappella history being made, John.
:'''John''': And from an all-female group, Gail. I could never have called this one.
:'''Gail''': Never. Well, you are a misogynist at heart, so there's '''''no way''''' you would have bet on these girls to win.
:'''John''': Absolutely.

== Cast ==
* [[Anna Kendrick]] - Beca Mitchell
* [[w:Skylar Astin|Skylar Astin]] - Jesse Swanson
* [[w:Anna Camp|Anna Camp]] - Aubrey Posen
* [[w:Brittany Snow|Brittany Snow]] - Chloe Beale
* [[w:Rebel Wilson|Rebel Wilson]] - Fat Amy 
* [[w:Ester Dean|Ester Dean]] - Cynthia-Rose Adams
* [[w:Alexis Knapp|Alexis Knapp]] - Stacie Conrad
* [[w:Hana Mae Lee|Hana Mae Lee]] - Lilly Onakuramara
* [[w:Ben Platt|Ben Platt]] - Benjamin &quot;Benji&quot; Applebaum
* [[w:Adam DeVine|Adam DeVine]] - Bumper Allen
* [[w:Utkarsh Ambudkar|Utkarsh Ambudkar]] - Donald
* [[w:Freddie Stroma|Freddie Stroma]] - Luke
* Jinhee Joung - Kimmy-Jin
* [[w:Christopher Mintz-Plasse|Christopher Mintz-Plasse]] - Tommy
* [[w:John Michael Higgins|John Michael Higgins]] - John Smith
* [[w:Elizabeth Banks|Elizabeth Banks]] - Gail Abernathy-McKadden
* [[w:John Benjamin Hickey|John Benjamin Hickey]] - Dr. Mitchell

== See also ==
* ''[[Pitch Perfect 2]]''
* ''[[Pitch Perfect 3]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1981677|title=Pitch Perfect}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=pitch_perfect|title=Pitch Perfect}}
* [http://www.pitchperfectmovie.com/ Official site]

[[Category:2012 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Films set in Georgia (state)]]
[[Category:Films set in North Carolina]]</text>
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    <title>Chicken Little (2005 film)</title>
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      <text bytes="42097" sha1="dmrx7bld2xpwzcewix7qzi8twscw6zo" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Pvr saket.jpg|thumb|Today is a new day.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]''''' is a [[2005]] American CGI-animated [[w:comic science fiction|comic science fiction]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and loosely based on the [[w:Henny Penny|fable of the same name]].
:''Directed by [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]. Written by [[w:Steve Bencich|Steve Bencich]], [[w:Ron J. Friedman|Ron J. Friedman]], and [[w:Ron Anderson|Ron Anderson]].''
{{center|'''This time, the sky really ''is'' falling.''' &lt;small&gt;([[Chicken Little (2005 film)#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Chicken Little==
* Run for your lives! Everyone run for cover!
* SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover!
* You're all in danger!
* Oh, no, Dad. It was definitely a piece of the sky!
* Hey, Dad? I was thinking. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team?
* Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Aliens here! Aliens here!
* That's it. Today is a new day.

==Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck==
* There's been like a little mistake. It was just an acorn that-that hit my son. A little acorn.
* Son, is this what hit you?

==Master Runt of the Litter==
* Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues.

==Abigail &quot;Abby&quot; Mallard==
* Hey, hey, hey. No worries, Mr. Woolensworth.

==Others==
* '''Firehouse Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little, what is it? What's going on? ''['''Chicken Little''': The sky is falling! The sky is falling!]''
* '''Cougar''': ''[sadly]'' Why him? Why now? ''[cries]''
* '''Mama Runt''': ''[angrily grabs Runt's ear]'' Runt, that's enough! Don't make Mommy take away from Streisand collection! ''[pulls Runt out of the scene]'' ''['''Runt''': Mom, you leave Barbra out of this!]''

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[voice over]'' Now, where to begin? ''[shaft of light and pixie dust]'' How about ''Once upon a time''? ''[music cuts off and cuts to black]'' How many times have you heard ''that'' to begin a story? Let's do something else. ''[gasps]'' I got it. I got it. Here we go. Here's how to open a movie. ''[opening to '''[[The Lion King]]''' plays briefly, then dies out]'' No, I don't think so. It sounds familiar, doesn't it to you? ''[cuts to a Storybook Opening]'' Oh, no, no, not the book! How many have seen ''opening the book'' before? ''[brakes screeches]'' Close the book. We're not doing that. ''[storybook closes awkwardly]'' Here's what we're gonna do. Why don't I just go back to the day things took a turn for the worst.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives! Everyone run for cover! SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover! You're all in danger!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover!
:''[The ox runs away]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives!
:''[The dog squealing and firehouse bell rings]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Emergency, emergency!
:''[The firefighter dog almost crushes into a car which sends him crashing into trash cans and the ladder on the fire truck caused a poodle's car to break the roof until she hits a fire hydrant which flies up and hits a water tower. It causes the tower to fall and roll through town]''
:'''Both''': Whoa!
:'''All''': Aaah!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives!
:'''Female Citizen''': Look out! Take cover!
:''[The large sphere on the water tower continues to through the Oakey Oaks and into a movie theater where '''[[Raiders of the Lost Ark]]''' was playing then rolls up a tree smashing cars until it lands on the statue of Mayor Turkey Lurkey.]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover!
:'''Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little, what is it? What's going on?
:'''Chicken Little''': The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
:'''Bunny''': The sky is falling?
:'''Cheetah''': Are you crazy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': No, no, no! It's true! Come with me!
:'''Buck Cluck''': No, son? What?
:'''Chicken Little''': It happened under the old oak tree! I'm not making this up. I know it's here. ''[stammering]'' There's a piece of the sky somewhere, somewhere on the ground. It was shaped just like that!
:'''Dog''': It looks like a stop sign?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes! Only it doesn't say ''stop'' and it's blue and it has a cloud on it. And it hit me on the head! It looked like a stop sign.
:'''Person''': Oh, wait! What's that?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son, is this what hit you?
:'''All''': What?
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, no, Dad. It was definitely a piece of the sky!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Piece of the sky. It's okay, everyone!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, no.
:'''Buck Cluck''': There's been like a little mistake. It was just an acorn that-that hit my son. A little acorn.
:'''Chicken Little''': No! Dad, no.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Quiet, son. This is embarrassing enough already.
:'''Reporter #1''': Chicken Little! WHAT were you thinking?
:'''Reporter #2''': Why would you put your town's safety in jeopardy?
:'''Reporter #3''': How could you mistake a stop sign for an acorn?
:'''Chicken Little''': But it... a big acorn level fluh.
:'''Reporter #1''': What did he say?
:'''Chicken Little''': A big acorn level fluh...
:'''Reporter #2''': It was a big acorn?
:'''Reporter #3''': An ape throwing coleslaw?
:'''Chicken Little''': A big acorn level fluh...
:'''Man''': Gesundheit!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's just gibberish, gibberish of an insane person.
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Come on, Buck! Your kid went and scared us all half to death!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Well, what can I tell you, folks, my son, you know... Kids do crazy stuff. You have kids. It's...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, Dad. It wasn't an acorn. It was a piece of the sky. Really, it was. You gotta believe me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[chuckling]'' A movie, a movie. They're making a movie. When? When will everybody forget your big mistake? First it was all over the papers, then they wrote a book about it, then the book on tape, then the board game, the spoons with your face on it, and the website, the commemorative plates. You saw them, right?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah. I saw them.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Can't eat off 'em, but they're there.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, they're not microwave-safe.
:'''Buck Cluck''': You saw the billboards?
:'''Chicken Little''': I saw them.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Ha! There's a bumper sticker. I knew it was only a matter of time. Billboards I could live with. Posters I could even live with. But a bumper sticker. It's like glued on forever.
:'''Chicken Little''': It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I've got a plan.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah, about that. Well, remember how I told you it would be better for you to lay low, don't call attention to yourself?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes, but I...
:'''Buck Cluck''': See, it's like a game. Yeah, a game of hide-and-seek, except the goal is never to be found, ever!
:''[stammering]''
:'''Buck''': Great! ''[chuckles]'' Now, we've got a plan, right? I'll see ya later! Remember, lay low.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, okay. Bye.
:''[?]''
:'''Puppy''': Look, Mama! There's the crazy chicken!
:'''Poodle''': Yes, it is! Crazy chicken. You're so smart. We don't make eye contact. Bye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': That's it. Today is a new day.
:''[?]''
:'''Person''': How's it going?
:''[?]''
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': ''[clears throat]'' Very well. Foxy Loxy.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Present, pretty, punctual.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Goosey Loosey. ''[Goosey honks]'' Master Runt of the Litter.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Present and accounted for, Mr. Woolensworth. ''[his pencils drops to the floor]'' Oop! Dropped my pencil. ''[tries to reach it, but falls]''
:''[The kids laugh]''
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Loser!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Henny Penny.
:'''Henny Penny''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Ducky Lucky.
:'''Ducky Lucky''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fuzzy Wuzzy.
:'''Fuzzy Wuzzy''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Morkubine Porcupine.
:'''Morkubine Porcupine''': Yo.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fish Out of Water. ''[Fish makes water sounds, sees, Mr. Woolensworth, pretends to press the button, and slowly dives]'' Quite. Abby Mallard.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[Fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling!
:''[All the students laugh]''
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Class, I will not tolerate rude behavior at the expense of a fellow...
:'''Abby Mallard''': Hey, hey, hey. No worries, Mr. Woolensworth.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yaah! ''[honking sound effect]'' You mustn't sneak up on me, Ugly– Uh, Abby. Now, where was I?
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yes, of course. Thank you. ''[Abby drums on her desk and blows a raspberry]'' Chicken Little. 
:''[Chicken Little's desk is empty]''
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Tardy again!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Tardy again. ''[crosses Chicken Little's name off]'' Hmm. Class, turn to page 62 and translate each word in mutton. ''[clears thorat]'' He.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': She.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': They.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': We.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:''[at hall]''
:'''Coach''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, everyone. Listen up! I don't wanna hear any quacks, tweets, oinks, whinnies or cocklee-doodle-doos when I say dodgeball.
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Oh, man.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Pump it up! Pump it, pump it, pump it!
:'''Coach''': Split into two teams. Popular versus unpopular.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Coach?
:'''Coach''': Yeah, unpopular?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Shouldn't we review safety guidelines?
:'''Coach''': Sure! Hit the pig, kids!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Aaah! ''[screaming]'' Look out!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Calm down, Runt! Just do what Fish is doing.
:''[C &amp; C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat]''
:'''C &amp; C Music Factory''': Everybody dance now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Tough morning?
:'''Chicken Little''': I had a run in with my old nemesis.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Gum on the crosswalk?
:'''Chicken Little''': He won this round.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Your old foe.
:'''Chicken Little''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Incoming on your right. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During a timeout at gym class]''
:'''Chicken Little''': So, what do you think?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay, listen. Look, ''you'' said thought the sky was falling. Your ''dad'' didn't support you, and ''you'' have been hurting inside ever since.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but...
:'''Abby Mallard''': It's hurt. It's the nutshell.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, it's hurt, but...
:'''Abby Mallard''': No, bup bup! Bup! Now what needs to happen now is the nut needs to be cracked open, and not one little chip at a time, but bam! Bits of emotion flying everywhere! Anger! Frustration! Denial! Fear! Deep depression, in fact! You see what I'm saying?
:''[Pause]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Uh...
:'''Abby Mallard''': Alright, forget the nut thing. Here's the main thing. You have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem. Here's the real solution: You, your dad, talk-talk-talking, closure.
:'''Chicken Little''': Closure?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Closure. Talking about something until it's resolved. Wait. Look. ''[pulls out some magazines from her backpack]'' There's a whole section about in this month's Modern Mallard. Incredibly appropriate! Whew!
:'''Chicken Little''': I told you, I have a plan.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Yeah, but according to Cosmo Duck, you should stop the squawk and try the talk. And Beautiful Ducking says avoiding closure with your parents can cause early molting. See? Closure. ''[as they're talking, Fish Out of Water is building a tower out of her magazines]'' Just repeat after me. You, your dad, talk-talk...
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby, Abby, Abby! Listen, talking's a waste of time. I got to do something great so my dad doesn't think I'm such a loser.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Come on, you're not a loser. You're inventive and resourceful and funny and cute...
:'''Chicken Little''': What? ''[Falls from the volleyball]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Oh, you... ''[Chuckles nervously]'' Um... ''[Smiling broadly]'' Runt, should Chicken Little have a good talk with his dad and clean the air... ''[Winks then frowns]'' ...or keep searching for Band-Aid solutions and never deal with the problem?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Pfft! Band-Aid solutions!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Fish, help me out here. ''[eyes widen to see Fish has built the Empire State Building out of papers from magazines, and pretends to be King Kong while making papper airplanes, much to her annoyance. Fish pretends to get shot and falls off the building]'' Men.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': ''[as the paper citizen]'' 'Twas Beauty that killed the Beast.
:'''Abby Mallard''': I guess only girls are good at honest communication and sensitivity. ''[gets hit by the volleyball]''
:''[Foxy Loxy and the classmates laugh]''
:'''Chicken Little''': That does it! We were in a time-out, Foxy! Prepare to hurt! And I don't mean emotionally like I do! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Whoa!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': We will save you! Fall back! Mad goose!
:''[?]''
:'''Coach''': Chicken Little!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Fetchit''': Not showing up for class, inappropriate school attire, picking fights in gym class and the fire alarm? Ever since that sky falling incident, he's been nothing but trouble! ''[sighs]'' Now, look, Buck. You know I have the utmost respect for you. I mean you were Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck, our school baseball star! ''[sighs]'' But let's face the facts. Your kid, he's nothing like you at all.
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[clears throat]'' Okay, thank you for talking to me. I'll take care of my son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, it wasn't my fault. It was Foxy. She's always...
:'''Buck Cluck''': That's all right. It's fine. You don't have to explain anything.
:''[They drive home]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh... Uh, Hey, Dad? I was thinking. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team?
:''[Almost get hit by another car]''
:'''Man''': Hey, why don't you watch where you're going?!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Sorry, there, buddy! Sorry, sorry! Baseball? Son, we talked about this.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, right. But, you know, that was when I was small. I put on five ounces this year, I've really bulked up.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Really, son? Baseball? Are you sure?
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, hey, why not, right?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah, why not, but why?
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, Dad, you were such a big baseball star in high school. You could give me some pointers.
:'''Buck Cluck''': But, son, you know, I'm just wondering, maybe baseball isn't exactly your thing, you know? Have you considered the chess team or the glee club? And some teenagers, you know, they get quite a rush from stamp-collecting! You wanna stop? We'll get some stamps...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, I don't like stamps.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Colors, colorful things...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, I was thinking baseball! I can't wait to see the look on your face when I smash that ball in for a touchdown! Dad, um, I'm kidding. That was a joke.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Just do me one favor, son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Why, sure, Dad, anything.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Just please try not to get your hopes too high.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but Dad I mean. Yeah, I mean, I think I can...I...Okay, Dad.
:''[?]''
:'''Dog''': That's my boy!
:'''Puppy''': Gee, thanks, Dad!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on. All I need is a chance.
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Acorn Mascot''': Lean to the left. Lean to the right. C'mon Acorns. Fight, fight, fight! Go, Acorns!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': There's excitement in the air, ladies and gentlemen. It's been two decades since Oakey Oaks has beaten rivals the Spud Valley Taters. Down by only a single run, and with a player in scoring position, we finally have a chance again. This excitement isn't about the fun of baseball, it's not about the prize. It's about gloating and rubbing their noses in it, the &quot;Nah-nah-na-na-na! We beat you!&quot; taunting, if you will, that comes with the winning.
:'''Crowd''': Yeah!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': That's right. Oakey Oaks and the Honorable Mayor Turkey Lurkey will finally have bragging rights again for one full year!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': But this battle has taken a heavy toll on our hometown heroes. After nine grueling innings and several players out with injuries, the Acorns are scraping the bottom of the roster. Hopefully, there's just enough muscle on the bench to pull out a win. Up next... ''[shuddering]'' Chicken Little.
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Clearly a long shot, folks. Little hasn't been up to bat once since joining the team.
:'''Cougar''': He's gonna lose the game for us!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Wait! If he can get a walk and advance to first, that powerhouse Foxy Loxy can step up and save us all. She's had a terrific game so far. A shoo-in for the MVP trophy.
:'''Coach''': Okay, kid. Listen up. You have an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny strike zone. There's no way he can throw you out! Take the walk. Don't swing.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah. But, coach. I have a good feeling...
:'''Coach''': Look. Look at me, look at me. Don't swing, take the walk, you hear me? Just take the walk.
:'''Chicken Little''': But, coach, wait!
:'''Coach''': Don't swing!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Nervous, gangly, barely able to hold the pine, Little advances to the box. He's going to bat from the right. Make it the left. No, the right. The right.
:'''Stork''': Easy out!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Left field's found something better to do, center field's got a hunger pang in his second stomach and right field's digging for grubs.
:'''Horse''': Play ball!
:'''Cougar''': ''[sadly]'' Why him, why now? ''[cries]''
:'''Chicken Little''': I won't embarrass you, Dad. Not this time.
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Here's the wind-up, the pitch! It's a high cutter.
:'''Horse''': Ball!
:''[?]''
:'''Horse''': Uh... Strike one!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; I've seen roadkill with faster reflexes. The catcher lays down the signals. Here's the pitch, urve ball low and outside, he swings!
:'''Horse''': Stee-rike two!
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Ohh!
:'''Coach''': I said, don't swing!
:'''Crowd''': Don't swing!
:'''Morkubine Porcupine''': No!
:'''Horse''': Batter up!
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh...
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No! ''[BOOM!]'' A piece of the sky?! Shaped like a stop sign?! Not again!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, son! You all right? I'm coming, I'm coming! I'm coming upstairs! ''[?]'' What's wrong?
:'''Chicken Little''': Nothing.
:'''Buck Cluck''': You sure? I thought I heard you yell.
:'''Chicken Little''': No. Uh, I, uh... I fell out of bed.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Huh? How'd you get over there?
:'''Chicken Little''': Over where?
:'''Buck Cluck''': There.
:'''Chicken Little''': Where?
:'''Buck Cluck''': There! How'd you get over there?!
:'''Chicken Little''': Who're we talking about?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Never mind. What's the difference? Look, the past is behind us, right?
:'''Chicken Little''': Mmm.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Tomorrow's gonna be a new day.
:''[chuckling]''
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[gasping]'' Please be gone, please be gone, please be gone...
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Good.
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Ah!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No.
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No. I gotta call Abby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': All right, guys. Watch this.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Bizarre. ''[Runt whimpers]'' Okay. Let me guess. You haven't told your dad yet.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well...
:'''Abby Mallard''': I knew it! Why haven't you told him? Because there hasn't been you, your dad, talk-talk-talking.
:'''Chicken Little''': There was talking. There was...There was definitely talking.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Oh, really? What did he say? ''[Chicken Little only making stammering things]'' What? Alright, that's ''it''! We are doing an intervention, you have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': She's right!
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby, please. This is exactly what fell on me the first time. There's no way I'm bringing this up again with him.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': No, he's not!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Sorry! I'm a gutless flip-flopper.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay. I'm sure there's a simple, logical explanation. I mean, it could be a piece of weather balloon, or maybe it's part of some experimental communications satellite.
:'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is. I want it out of my life, gone for good. Everything back to normal.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Hey, remember when that icy blue stuff fell from the sky? Everybody thought it was from space and stuff? And it just turned out to be frozen pee from a jet airplane.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Yeah, that's right. It's frozen pee. Yeah. It's frozen pee. ''[singing] Pee, pee, pee, pee pee.''
:'''Chicken Little''': Could you stop saying that?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': What, pee?
:'''Chicken Little''': Pee.
:'''Abby Mallard''': How about tinkle?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Piddle?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Whiz? ''[Fish gurgles]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Wee-wee?
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, subject change.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Make Phishee?
:'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is! Now are you gonna help me get rid of it or not?
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Flying Fish! Take cover! Fish!
:'''Chicken Little''': No!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Fish!
:''[Chicken Little gasps and Runt screams]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on, come on, come on!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Wait, wait, whoa, son! Where's the fire here?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Chicken Little has something to tell you! Tell him. He can handle it.
:'''Chicken Little''': Who're we talking about?
:''[sighing]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Uh...
:'''Chicken Little''': Gotta go! Dad! Bye! 
:'''Buck Cluck''': You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Sit tight, Fish!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Fish, we will try to save you!
:''[panting]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I'm sorry! Wait!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Sorry!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Curb!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Ay!
:''[?]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Fish!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby! Abby! Wake up! Come on! Let's get outta here!
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish?}}
:'''Abby Mallard''': {{small|Fish!}}
:'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish...}}
:'''Abby Mallard''': {{small|Fish...}}
:'''Runt of the Litter''': ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WHERE ARE YOU, FISH?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Shh!  
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I can't handle the pressure! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dog''': Now the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew!
:''[?]''
:'''Coach''': Chicken Little, you better have a good explanation for this!
:'''Chicken Little''': There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh...Doo-wah!
:'''Mountain Lion''': What did he say?
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': ''[reading a sign-holding dog's signs]'' &quot;There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh! Doo-wah!&quot;
:'''Chicken Little''': Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Aliens here! Aliens here!
:'''Buck Cluck''': It's happening again.
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Come on. Come on. You're about to see it!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Quick! It's taking off! Come on! If you don't hurry, you're gonna miss it!
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': ''[stops a crowd]'' Hey, look, a penny.
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[annoyed]'' Guys!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dog''': Now, let's check the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cameraman Rabbit''': Eh, there's no story here.
:'''Cameraman Dog''': At least we can sell the video of Chickens Gone Wild. 
:'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling ya everybody, it was here!
:'''Abby Mallard''': No, wait! There were aliens!  
:'''Runt of the Litter''': It's true! They had eyes...They're glowing and then tentacles! And maps with planets with X's through them! &lt;big&gt;'''''AAHHH!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Runt's Mother''': ''[angrily grabs Runt's ear]'' Runt, that's enough! Don't make mommy take away your Streisand collection! ''[pulls Runt out of the scene]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Mom, can you leave Barbra out of this!
:'''Principal Fetchit''': Why can't you keep that child of yours under control?!
:'''Mama Vulture''': What kind of parent are you?!
:'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling you the truth! Dad! Dad! I am not making this up! You gotta believe me this time.
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs, pauses]'' No, son. I don't. ''[chuckles]'' I can't tell you how embarrassed I am, folks. I'm really sorry about this, everyone. Looks like this is just a big, crazy misunderstanding.
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Well, other than the penny, this whole evening was a wash!
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Oh, Mr. Cluck, don't take it so hard. No one blames you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': If there ever was a time to talk to your dad...it's now.
:'''Chicken Little''': It's too late for that.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': It's too late, baby, now it's too late. ''[sobbing]'' Though they really did try to make it.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt, just think about it.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Something inside has died and they just can't hide and they just can't fake it. Oh, no, no.
:'''Chicken Little''': Runt, I really just want to be alone right now. ''[Abby, Fish, and Runt leave. Then, Chicken Little sees Kirby next to him all alone. It winks at him.]'' Oh! Abby! Runt! Fish! Look! There! Look there! Look there!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': What is that thing?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': His name is Kirby?
:'''Abby Mallard''': They left him behind?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': [[Darth Vader]] is Luke's father?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[Kirby starts sobbing]'' No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, don't cry. We're here for you. We're gonna do whatever it takes to get you back home, okay? Here, blow. ''[Kirby blows his nose. he tries to get it off, but wipes it off on the ground]'' See, guys? He's cool. He was just freaked out. That's all. ''[Kirby sneezes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Watch out for the kid! Don't hit him!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son! There you are. Quick! Get in the car. We gotta go.
:'''Chicken Little''': No, wait. Dad, I gotta tell you something.
:'''Buck Cluck''': What? I know! I know! You were right! Alien invasion. I see that now. Look up! There it is!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, you know, about that...It's actually just a rescue mission.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Rescue mission?
:'''Chicken Little''': You see, this alien kid was left and they're coming back to get him! So, we have to help him, 'cause if we don't, who else will?
:'''Buck Cluck''': What?
:'''Chicken Little''': Ugh! Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son! Son, come back! Son! Chicken Little!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Mr. Cluck, wait! He's telling the truth!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': He is! Given his track record, we understand why you don't believe him!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buck Cluck''': Chicken Little! ''[Kirby screams]'' What? Where's your head? We gotta get outta here! Come on! Come on... You, with the running and the jumping!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, no, wait.
:'''Abby Mallard''': What are you guys doing? We gotta get outta here! It's like... It's like War of the Worlds out there!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Stop pulling!
:'''Chicken Little''': Just listen to me for one second! It's not dangerous!
:'''Abby Mallard''': We are under attack! Will you two stop messing around and deal with the problem?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Buck Cluck]'' You're never there for me!
:'''Buck Cluck''': What?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay, that's not what I had in mind, but...
:'''Chicken Little''': You're never there for me. I mean, you were there when I won the game, but not when I thought the sky fell and not at the ball field and certainly not now!
:'''Abby Mallard''': This is good! Keep going, keep going!
:'''Chicken Little''': You've been ashamed since the acorn thing happened. We have to talk because Modern Mallard says avoiding closure can lead to molting and I'm already small and on top of that, I don't think I could handle being bald!
:'''Buck Cluck''': I... I didn't realize, son. I never meant to...The acorn, the sky, I mean, the whole... ''[sighs, chuckles]'' You're right. You're right. Your mom, she was...You know, she was always good with stuff like this. Me...I'm gonna need a lot of work. But you need to know that I love you, no matter what. And I'm sorry, I... And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that was something you had to earn. ''[Buck Cluck and Chicken Little hug]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Uh... Uh... And we're good. Let's go. Let's go.
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, Dad. Now, all we gotta do is return helpless little Kirby.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Return this whatever it is? This is crazy! Crazy! Crazy wonderful! Just tell me what you need me to do.
:'''Chicken Little''': Do you really mean it?
:'''Buck Cluck''': You bet! Anything, son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on, Dad. We've got a planet to save.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Crazy supportive. That's me! Ohh! This thing likes to nibble, doesn't it?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Abby]'' By the way, I'd like to say I've always found you extremely attractive. ''[kisses Abby]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': ''[giggles]'' Now that's closure.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Wait, wait, what's going on? Oh, they've given her an alien mind-wipe! ''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, son. What do we do now?
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh, okay. This is a piece of cake, Dad. All we have to do is take the kid down the street to the giant metal alien.
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Oh. We surrender! Here! Take the key to the city!
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Key to my car?
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Tic Tac?
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Forget plan A!
:''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Uh-oh.
:''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, okay, what now, son? Who, by the way, I support 100 percent.
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh, plan B?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Ha-ha! Of course! Plan B! What is plan B?
:''[Kirby jabbering]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': What? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? A snack? Corn dog on a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want?! I stink at this. I'm a horrible father.
:''[Kirby speaks alien language]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': No, no, I am.
:'''Kirby''': Poo-tee-tah.
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, is that your parents?
:'''Kirby''': Pooteetah, pooteetah. ''[sputtering]''
:'''Chicken Little''': That's it, Dad! Plan B! All we have to do is weave through traffic through town square while avoiding death rays from alien robots. We get to Town Hall, climb up to the roof and give the kid back to its parents.
:''[girl screaming]''
:''[zapping]''
:'''Buck''': Yeah! Charge! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Runt, just do it. It'll work. We'll survive!
:''[Intro to &quot;I Will Survive&quot; plays]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I will survive? Brake, Abby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buck Cluck''': What, what? You have to go to the bathroom? ''[Kirby shakes head]'' You want juice? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' A snack? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' Corndog? On a stick? ''[Kirby starts to lose temper]'' Want to play some golf? What do you want?
:'''Kirby''': Pootita! Pootita!
:'''Buck Cluck''': I stink at this...I'm a horrible father. No, no, no, I am, I am. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melvin''': Why did you take our child?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Hey, hey! ''[gulps]'' Just hold on there, buddy! My son did not take your kid! You were the one that left him behind! That's bad parenting, and I should know!
:'''Melvin''': ''Silence''! '''Release the child!'''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay.
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, okay.
:''[Kirby returns to his mother]''
:'''Tina''': Sweetheart! Oh, Kirby, I'm so happy to see you! My darling!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs]'' That was close.
:'''Chicken Little''': At least they're back together. They got their kid.
:'''Melvin''': You have violated intergalactic law 90210! A charge punishable by immediate particle disintegration!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[held at gunpoint alongside his son]'' Oh, snap.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alien Cop''': Okay, everything's been put back to normal, except for this one over here.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[dressed in a pink dress and curls]'' Hi, y'all.
:''[Everyone else gasps]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Foxy?
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[singing in a girly manner]'' Lollipop, lollipop / Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop...
:'''Alien Cop''': She got her brainwaves a little scrambled during reconstitution, but, no worries! We can put her back the way she was.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': No! She's perfect. ''[joins Foxy]'' Lollipop.
:''[Popping sound]''
:'''Both''': Lollipop.
:'''Alien Cop''': Scary.
:'''Melvin''': Whoops. Darling, look at the time. We better can move on. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ace''': Are you ready to rock?
:'''Hollywood Runt''': Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no valley low.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ace''': ''[to Hollywood Runt shooting alien spaceships]'' Give them a taste of the other white meat!

==Taglines==
* This time, the sky really ''is'' falling.

==Cast==
===Voice Cast===
====Main Cast====
* '''[[Zach Braff]]''' – Chicken Little
* '''[[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]]''' – Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck
* '''[[w:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]]''' – Mayor Turkey Lurkey
* '''[[Patrick Stewart]]''' – Mr. Woolensworth
* '''[[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]]''' – Foxy Loxy
* '''[[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]''' – Master Runt of the Litter
* '''[[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]]''' – Abigail &quot;Abby&quot; Mallard
* '''[[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]]''' – Principal Fetchit
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – Dog Announcer
* '''[[Fred Willard]]''' – Melvin - Alien Dad
* '''[[Catherine O'Hara]]''' – Tina - Alien Mom
* '''[[Patrick Warburton]]''' – Alien Cop
* '''[[Adam West]]''' – Ace (Hollywood Chicken Little)

====Deleted Scenes====
* '''[[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]]''' – Chicken Little (as a girl)
* '''[[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]]''' – Chloe Cluck

===Additional Characters===
* '''[[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]]''' – Goosey Loosey
* '''[[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]''' – Morkubine Porcupine, Coach
* '''Dan Molina''' – Fish Out of Water
* '''[[w:Joe Whyte|Joe Whyte]]''' – Rodriguez, Acorn Mascot, Umpire
* '''Sean Elmore'''&lt;br&gt;'''Matthew Michael Joston'''&lt;br&gt;'''Evan Dunn''' – Kirby - Alien Kid
* '''Kellie Hoover''' – Mama Runt
* '''[[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]]''' – Hollywood Fish
* '''Dara McGarry''' – Hollywood Abby
* '''Mark Kennedy''' – Hollywood Runt

===Additional Voices===
* '''[[w:Greg Berg|Greg Berg]]''' – Buck Cluck (ADR)
* '''[[w:Julianne Buescher|Julianne Buescher]]''' – Abby Mallard (ADR)
* '''David Cowgill''' – Donkey
* '''[[w:Paul Pape|Paul Pape]]''' – Firehouse Dog
* '''Spencer Aste''' – Cougar
* '''[[w:Sheb Wooley|Sheb Wooley]]''' – Anonymous Crowd Scream (Archive Sound)

==Teaser Trailer==
:''[The teaser trailer starts with the Walt Disney Pictures logo, then fades to reveal someone recording a camera with text reading, &quot;In Theaters 2005&quot;, then pans down to Chicken Little's house]''
:'''Reporter #1''': It doesn't look like he's home.
:'''Reporter #2''': Do you think he's in there?
:'''Reporter #3''': Maybe he's still at school.
:''[As the camera gets closer to the house, some tip-toeing footsteps can be heard]''
:'''Reporter #2''': Wait, wait, wait, wait! What's that?
:''[The camera zooms in on an empty toilet paper roll]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Ah, it's just a roll of toilet paper.
:''[The off-screen reporters moan until they see chicken legs burst out from underneath the roll, and sneak away]''
:'''Reporter #5''': With legs?!
:''[The roll with legs springs up in shock]''
:'''Reporter #6''': That's him!
:''[The toilet paper bumps into a metal trash can, revealing Chicken Little hiding under it]''
:'''Reporter #7''': He's trying to get away!
:'''Reporters''': Chicken Little! Chicken Little! Chicken Little!
:''[The camera rushes over to Chicken Little, with holding microphones surrounding the edges of the lens. Chicken Little runs on a trash lid to escape, only to run in place and fly away]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Did you actually think the sky was falling?
:'''Reporter #2''': Did you know it was an acorn?
:'''Reporter #5''': Why did your father think of this?
:'''Chicken Little''': No comment! No comment! ''[stops at a fence, and tries to get it open]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Are you concerned about sky-falling copycats?
:'''Reporter #2''': Aren't you even related to The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
:'''Reporter #5''': Are you really a chicken?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[breathing heavily]'' I… Uh, uh, uh… ''[points]'' Look! Over there!
:''[The camera turns left to a brown dog holding a baseball bat, and wearing a baseball mitt. Next to the dog is a gray bunny wearing a baseball mitt. Their faces are censored. The dog and bunny gasp upon seeing this as the bunny drops the baseball, and they look at each other. The camera turns back to the fence, seeing that Chicken Little has disappeared]''
:'''Reporter #1''': Where'd he go?
:''[The camera whirls around to find Chicken Little running back to his house]''
:'''Reporter #3''': There he is!
:'''Reporter #4''': Get him!
:''[The camera chases after Chicken Little until he jumps into the door's mail slot, only to get stuck. The microphones surround him as he attempts to get out]''
:'''Reporter #5''': Chicken Little, your action caused widespread panic, and subsequently you were blamed and humiliated in front of your town, your father and everyone you know and love!
:''[Chicken Little stops straining and is confused]''
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[sighs]'' Was there a question in there?
:'''Reporter #5''': Uh, no. I just wanted to point that out.
:''[As the off-screen reporters shout at one time, Chicken Little gets out of the mail slot]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Alright, that's enough.
:'''Reporter #6''': One final question! Do you think you'll ever get to live this down?
:''[The scene behind Chicken Little darkens as a heroic score plays in the background. A spotlight shines around Chicken Little as he responds his question boldly]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes. Yes, I will! Because I believe in second chances, and I will rise again like the mighty phoenix, and soon everyone will forget! ''[The background lightens up to its original state as the music stops]'' It's not like they're making a movie about it.
:''[Chicken Little laughs and a black title card drops down into place and the film's title. A few seconds later, Chicken Little tears through the two title cards]''
:'''Chicken Little''': It was a simple mistake! People, please, please! I'm begging you! Let it go!
:''[We cut to the black background with the early release date, &quot;IN THEATERS 2005&quot;. Chicken Little enters from the left of the shot as he walks. He stops to look at the release date]''
:'''Chicken Little''': A movie? ''[sniffles and breaks into tears]'' The book on tape was bad enough.
:''[Chicken Little cries as he exits right. Once he's out of view, the final film's title drops into place, reading &quot;This time, the sky is falling&quot;, the screen fades to black as the music fades, ending the teaser trailer]''

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* We had a long debate in the studio: What was Disney's legacy? Was it 2-D, pencil-drawn animation, or was it telling great stories with great characters? And Joe Grant, who passed away just this past year, that we dedicated the movie to...I think he was, at 94 years old, really the youngest voice in the room, saying to all of us, &quot;Look, Walt Disney stood for cutting-edge technology. He stood for whatever tool you could assemble that would do the best job of telling your story. Don't get hung up on the technology and say, 'No, it's the pencil.'&quot; He said, &quot;Walt never would have locked in and said, 'You gotta stick with the pencil forever, no matter what happens with technology.'&quot; So I think it was undeniable. I think of the top-ten grossing [animated movies], Lion King is the only one in there that's a 2-D movie. It's undeniable that there's a great public appetite, and it's because you just have such a rich palette. Like Buck Cluck's feathers--he has 250,000 feathers on his head and his arms that can all move to wind and gravity. Those are things that you could only dream of in a 2-D realm.
** [[w:Randy Fullmer|Randy Fullmer]] in [http://movies.radiofree.com/interviews/chickenl_mark_dindal_randy_fullmer.shtml &quot;MARK DINDAL &amp; RANDY FULLMER on 'CHICKEN LITTLE'&quot;] by Michael J. Lee, ''RadioFree.com'', October 16, 2005.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0371606|title=Chicken Little}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Films about space hazards]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]]
[[Category:Animated films about ducks]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
[[Category:Films about ducks]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:Chicken Little (franchise)]]
[[Category:2005 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Films about alien invasions]]</text>
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      <text bytes="43347" sha1="tk96b7mrtumr3td3rvfdwqyv4bxt411" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Pvr saket.jpg|thumb|Today is a new day.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]''''' is a [[2005]] American CGI-animated [[w:comic science fiction|comic science fiction]] film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Feature Animation]] and loosely based on the [[w:Henny Penny|fable of the same name]].
:''Directed by [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]. Written by [[w:Steve Bencich|Steve Bencich]], [[w:Ron J. Friedman|Ron J. Friedman]], and [[w:Ron Anderson|Ron Anderson]].''
{{center|'''This time, the sky really ''is'' falling.''' &lt;small&gt;([[Chicken Little (2005 film)#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Chicken Little==
* Run for your lives! Everyone run for cover!
* SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover!
* You're all in danger!
* Oh, no, Dad. It was definitely a piece of the sky!
* Hey, Dad? I was thinking. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team?
* Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Aliens here! Aliens here!
* That's it. Today is a new day.

==Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck==
* There's been like a little mistake. It was just an acorn that-that hit my son. A little acorn.
* Son, is this what hit you?

==Master Runt of the Litter==
* Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues.

==Abigail &quot;Abby&quot; Mallard==
* Hey, hey, hey. No worries, Mr. Woolensworth.

==Others==
* '''Firehouse Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little, what is it? What's going on? ''['''Chicken Little''': The sky is falling! The sky is falling!]''
* '''Cougar''': ''[sadly]'' Why him? Why now? ''[cries]''
* '''Mama Runt''': ''[angrily grabs Runt's ear]'' Runt, that's enough! Don't make Mommy take away from Streisand collection! ''[pulls Runt out of the scene]'' ''['''Runt''': Mom, you leave Barbra out of this!]''

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[voice over; clears throat]'' Now, where to begin? ''[shows a light with magic dust as clicks tongue]'' How about, ''Once upon a time''? ''[door slams and cuts to black]'' How many times have you heard ''that'' to begin a story? Let's do something else. ''[gasps]'' I got it. I got it. Here we go. Here's how to open a movie. ''[opening to '''[[The Lion King]]''' plays briefly, then dies out]'' No, I don't think so. It sounds familiar, doesn't it to you? ''[cuts to a Storybook Opening]'' Oh, no, no, not the book! How many have seen ''opening the book'' before? ''[tires screech]'' Close the book. ''[the storybook opening goes into rewind and goes black again]'' We're not doing that. ''[storybook closes awkwardly]'' Here's what we're gonna do. Why don't I just go back to the day things took a turn for the worst.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In a school bell tower, Chicken Little ringing the school to alert everyone in the town of Oakey Oaks that they are in danger]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives! Everyone run for cover! SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover! You're all in danger!
:'''Rabbit''': Ah!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover!
:''[The ox runs away]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for your lives!
:''[A firefighter dog emerges on a fire truck out of the fire house drives down the street]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Emergency! Emergency!
:''[The firefighter dog almost crushes into a car which sends him crashing into trash cans and the ladder on the fire truck caused a poodle's car to break the roof until she hits a fire hydrant which flies up and hits a water tower. It causes the tower to fall and roll through town]''
:'''Both''': Whoa!
:'''All''': Aaah!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[off-screen]'' Run for your lives!
:'''Female Citizen''': Look out! Take cover!
:''[The large sphere on the water tower continues to through the Oakey Oaks and into a movie theater where '''[[Raiders of the Lost Ark]]''' was playing then rolls up a tree smashing cars until it lands on the statue of Mayor Turkey Lurkey.]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Run for cover!
:'''Firehouse Dog''': ''[coughs]'' Chicken Little, what is it? What's going on?
:'''Chicken Little''': The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
:'''Bunny''': The sky is falling?
:'''Cheetah''': Are you crazy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': No, no, no! It's true! Come with me!
:'''Buck Cluck''': No, son? What?
:''[All of the animals follow Chicken Little to the center of the oak tree]''
:'''Chicken Little''': It happened under the old oak tree! I'm not making this up. I know it's here. ''[stammering]'' There's a piece of the sky somewhere, somewhere on the ground. It was shaped just like that!
:'''Dog''': It looks like a stop sign?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes! Only it doesn't say ''stop'' and it's blue and it has a cloud on it. And it hit me on the head! It looked like a stop sign.
:'''Person''': Oh, wait! What's that?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son, is this what hit you?
:'''All''': What?
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, no, Dad. It was definitely a piece of the sky!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Piece of the sky. It's okay, everyone!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, no.
:'''Buck Cluck''': There's been like a little mistake. It was just an acorn that-that hit my son. A little acorn.
:'''Chicken Little''': No! Dad, no.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Quiet, son. This is embarrassing enough already.
:'''Reporter #1''': Chicken Little! WHAT were you thinking?
:'''Reporter #2''': Why would you put your town's safety in jeopardy?
:'''Reporter #3''': How could you mistake a stop sign for an acorn?
:'''Chicken Little''': But it... a big acorn level fluh.
:'''Reporter #1''': What did he say?
:'''Chicken Little''': A big acorn level fluh...
:'''Reporter #2''': It was a big acorn?
:'''Reporter #3''': An ape throwing coleslaw?
:'''Chicken Little''': A big acorn level fluh...
:'''Man''': Gesundheit!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's just gibberish, gibberish of an insane person.
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Come on, Buck! Your kid went and scared us all half to death!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Well, what can I tell you, folks, my son, you know... Kids do crazy stuff. You have kids. It's...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, Dad. It wasn't an acorn. It was a piece of the sky. Really, it was. You gotta believe me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[One year later...]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[chuckling]'' A movie, a movie. They're making a movie. When? When will everybody forget your big mistake? First it was all over the papers, then they wrote a book about it, then the book on tape, then the board game, the spoons with your face on it, and the website, the commemorative plates. You saw them, right?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah. I saw them.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Can't eat off 'em, but they're there.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, they're not microwave-safe.
:'''Buck Cluck''': You saw the billboards?
:'''Chicken Little''': I saw them.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Ha! There's a bumper sticker. I knew it was only a matter of time. Billboards I could live with. Posters I could even live with. But a bumper sticker. It's like glued on forever.
:'''Chicken Little''': It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I've got a plan.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah, about that. Well, remember how I told you it would be better for you to lay low, don't call attention to yourself?
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes, but I...
:'''Buck Cluck''': See, it's like a game. Yeah, a game of hide-and-seek, except the goal is never to be found, ever!
:''[stammering]''
:'''Buck''': Great! ''[chuckles]'' Now, we've got a plan, right? I'll see ya later! Remember, lay low.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, okay. Bye.
:''[?]''
:'''Puppy''': Look, Mama! There's the crazy chicken!
:'''Poodle''': Yes, it is! Crazy chicken. You're so smart. We don't make eye contact. Bye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chicken Little seemed speechless, but then he decided to do something that will fix his wrongdoings]''
:'''Chicken Little''': That's it. Today is a new day.
:''[Barenaked Ladies music playing a song &quot;One Little Slip&quot;. The bus stops by. Chicken Little is about to get on board but was trampled by a stampede of students. He picks himself up, gets his glasses on and runs off to chase after the bus. He stops at a level crossing where he climbs to the top using a flower and press the button. He was about to cross but he stepped on some gum. He pulled out a lollypop and sticks it to a car driving by, sending him flying. but however, the gum had taken his shorts on the road and was run over]''
:'''Person''': How's it going?
:''[He heads his way to school and to get to the window, he used a orange soda bottle to shake it and fizz up to the window. Heading to his locker, he grabbed a sheet of math paper and made them into new shorts]''
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': ''[clears throat]'' Very well. Foxy Loxy.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Present, pretty, punctual.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Goosey Loosey. ''[Goosey honks]'' Master Runt of the Litter.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Present and accounted for, Mr. Woolensworth. ''[his pencils drops to the floor]'' Oop! Dropped my pencil. ''[tries to reach it, but falls]''
:''[The kids laugh]''
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Loser!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Henny Penny.
:'''Henny Penny''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Ducky Lucky.
:'''Ducky Lucky''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fuzzy Wuzzy.
:'''Fuzzy Wuzzy''': Here.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Morkubine Porcupine.
:'''Morkubine Porcupine''': Yo.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Fish Out of Water. ''[Fish makes water sounds, sees, Mr. Woolensworth, pretends to press the button, and slowly dives]'' Quite. Abby Mallard.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[Fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling!
:''[All the students laugh]''
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Class, I will not tolerate rude behavior at the expense of a fellow...
:'''Abby Mallard''': Hey, hey, hey. No worries, Mr. Woolensworth.
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yaah! ''[honking sound effect]'' You mustn't sneak up on me, Ugly– Uh, Abby. Now, where was I?
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Ugly Duckling!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Yes, of course. Thank you. ''[Abby drums on her desk and blows a raspberry]'' Chicken Little. 
:''[Chicken Little's desk is empty]''
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[fake cough]'' Tardy again!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': Tardy again. ''[crosses Chicken Little's name off]'' Hmm. Class, turn to page 62 and translate each word in mutton. ''[clears thorat]'' He.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': She.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': They.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:'''Mr. Woolensworth''': We.
:'''Students''': Baa!
:''[at hall]''
:'''Coach''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, everyone. Listen up! I don't wanna hear any quacks, tweets, oinks, whinnies or cocklee-doodle-doos when I say dodgeball.
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Oh, man.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Pump it up! Pump it, pump it, pump it!
:'''Coach''': Split into two teams. Popular versus unpopular.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Coach?
:'''Coach''': Yeah, unpopular?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Shouldn't we review safety guidelines?
:'''Coach''': Sure! Hit the pig, kids!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Aaah! ''[screaming]'' Look out!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Calm down, Runt! Just do what Fish is doing.
:''[C &amp; C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat]''
:'''C &amp; C Music Factory''': Everybody dance now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Tough morning?
:'''Chicken Little''': I had a run in with my old nemesis.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Gum on the crosswalk?
:'''Chicken Little''': He won this round.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Your old foe.
:'''Chicken Little''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Incoming on your right. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During a timeout at gym class]''
:'''Chicken Little''': So, what do you think?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay, listen. Look, ''you'' said thought the sky was falling. Your ''dad'' didn't support you, and ''you'' have been hurting inside ever since.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but...
:'''Abby Mallard''': It's hurt. It's the nutshell.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, it's hurt, but...
:'''Abby Mallard''': No, bup bup! Bup! Now what needs to happen now is the nut needs to be cracked open, and not one little chip at a time, but bam! Bits of emotion flying everywhere! Anger! Frustration! Denial! Fear! Deep depression, in fact! You see what I'm saying?
:''[Pause]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Uh...
:'''Abby Mallard''': Alright, forget the nut thing. Here's the main thing. You have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem. Here's the real solution: You, your dad, talk-talk-talking, closure.
:'''Chicken Little''': Closure?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Closure. Talking about something until it's resolved. Wait. Look. ''[pulls out some magazines from her backpack]'' There's a whole section about in this month's Modern Mallard. Incredibly appropriate! Whew!
:'''Chicken Little''': I told you, I have a plan.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Yeah, but according to Cosmo Duck, you should stop the squawk and try the talk. And Beautiful Ducking says avoiding closure with your parents can cause early molting. See? Closure. ''[as they're talking, Fish Out of Water is building a tower out of her magazines]'' Just repeat after me. You, your dad, talk-talk...
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby, Abby, Abby! Listen, talking's a waste of time. I got to do something great so my dad doesn't think I'm such a loser.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Come on, you're not a loser. You're inventive and resourceful and funny and cute...
:'''Chicken Little''': What? ''[Falls from the volleyball]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Oh, you... ''[Chuckles nervously]'' Um... ''[Smiling broadly]'' Runt, should Chicken Little have a good talk with his dad and clean the air... ''[Winks then frowns]'' ...or keep searching for Band-Aid solutions and never deal with the problem?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Pfft! Band-Aid solutions!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Fish, help me out here. ''[eyes widen to see Fish has built the Empire State Building out of papers from magazines, and pretends to be King Kong while making papper airplanes, much to her annoyance. Fish pretends to get shot and falls off the building]'' Men.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': ''[as the paper citizen]'' 'Twas Beauty that killed the Beast.
:'''Abby Mallard''': I guess only girls are good at honest communication and sensitivity. ''[gets hit by the volleyball]''
:''[Foxy Loxy and the classmates laugh]''
:'''Chicken Little''': That does it! We were in a time-out, Foxy! Prepare to hurt! And I don't mean emotionally like I do! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Whoa!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': We will save you! Fall back! Mad goose!
:''[?]''
:'''Coach''': Chicken Little!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Fetchit''': Not showing up for class, inappropriate school attire, picking fights in gym class and the fire alarm? Ever since that sky falling incident, he's been nothing but trouble! ''[sighs]'' Now, look, Buck. You know I have the utmost respect for you. I mean you were Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck, our school baseball star! ''[sighs]'' But let's face the facts. Your kid, he's nothing like you at all.
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[clears throat]'' Okay, thank you for talking to me. I'll take care of my son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, it wasn't my fault. It was Foxy. She's always...
:'''Buck Cluck''': That's all right. It's fine. You don't have to explain anything.
:''[They drive home]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh... Uh, Hey, Dad? I was thinking. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team?
:''[Almost get hit by another car]''
:'''Man''': Hey, why don't you watch where you're going?!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Sorry, there, buddy! Sorry, sorry! Baseball? Son, we talked about this.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, right. But, you know, that was when I was small. I put on five ounces this year, I've really bulked up.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Really, son? Baseball? Are you sure?
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, hey, why not, right?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Yeah, why not, but why?
:'''Chicken Little''': Well, Dad, you were such a big baseball star in high school. You could give me some pointers.
:'''Buck Cluck''': But, son, you know, I'm just wondering, maybe baseball isn't exactly your thing, you know? Have you considered the chess team or the glee club? And some teenagers, you know, they get quite a rush from stamp-collecting! You wanna stop? We'll get some stamps...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, I don't like stamps.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Colors, colorful things...
:'''Chicken Little''': No, I was thinking baseball! I can't wait to see the look on your face when I smash that ball in for a touchdown! Dad, um, I'm kidding. That was a joke.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Just do me one favor, son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Why, sure, Dad, anything.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Just please try not to get your hopes too high.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah, but Dad I mean. Yeah, I mean, I think I can...I...Okay, Dad.
:''[?]''
:'''Dog''': That's my boy!
:'''Puppy''': Gee, thanks, Dad!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on. All I need is a chance.
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Acorn Mascot''': Lean to the left. Lean to the right. C'mon Acorns. Fight, fight, fight! Go, Acorns!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': There's excitement in the air, ladies and gentlemen. It's been two decades since Oakey Oaks has beaten rivals the Spud Valley Taters. Down by only a single run, and with a player in scoring position, we finally have a chance again. This excitement isn't about the fun of baseball, it's not about the prize. It's about gloating and rubbing their noses in it, the &quot;Nah-nah-na-na-na! We beat you!&quot; taunting, if you will, that comes with the winning.
:'''Crowd''': Yeah!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': That's right. Oakey Oaks and the Honorable Mayor Turkey Lurkey will finally have bragging rights again for one full year!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': But this battle has taken a heavy toll on our hometown heroes. After nine grueling innings and several players out with injuries, the Acorns are scraping the bottom of the roster. Hopefully, there's just enough muscle on the bench to pull out a win. Up next... ''[shuddering]'' Chicken Little.
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Clearly a long shot, folks. Little hasn't been up to bat once since joining the team.
:'''Cougar''': He's gonna lose the game for us!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Wait! If he can get a walk and advance to first, that powerhouse Foxy Loxy can step up and save us all. She's had a terrific game so far. A shoo-in for the MVP trophy.
:'''Coach''': Okay, kid. Listen up. You have an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny strike zone. There's no way he can throw you out! Take the walk. Don't swing.
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah. But, coach. I have a good feeling...
:'''Coach''': Look. Look at me, look at me. Don't swing, take the walk, you hear me? Just take the walk.
:'''Chicken Little''': But, coach, wait!
:'''Coach''': Don't swing!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Nervous, gangly, barely able to hold the pine, Little advances to the box. He's going to bat from the right. Make it the left. No, the right. The right.
:'''Stork''': Easy out!
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Left field's found something better to do, center field's got a hunger pang in his second stomach and right field's digging for grubs.
:'''Horse''': Play ball!
:'''Cougar''': ''[sadly]'' Why him, why now? ''[cries]''
:'''Chicken Little''': I won't embarrass you, Dad. Not this time.
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Here's the wind-up, the pitch! It's a high cutter.
:'''Horse''': Ball!
:''[?]''
:'''Horse''': Uh... Strike one!
:''[?]''
:'''Don Bowwoser''': Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; I've seen roadkill with faster reflexes. The catcher lays down the signals. Here's the pitch, urve ball low and outside, he swings!
:'''Horse''': Stee-rike two!
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Ohh!
:'''Coach''': I said, don't swing!
:'''Crowd''': Don't swing!
:'''Morkubine Porcupine''': No!
:'''Horse''': Batter up!
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh...
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No! ''[BOOM!]'' A piece of the sky?! Shaped like a stop sign?! Not again!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, son! You all right? I'm coming, I'm coming! I'm coming upstairs! ''[?]'' What's wrong?
:'''Chicken Little''': Nothing.
:'''Buck Cluck''': You sure? I thought I heard you yell.
:'''Chicken Little''': No. Uh, I, uh... I fell out of bed.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Huh? How'd you get over there?
:'''Chicken Little''': Over where?
:'''Buck Cluck''': There.
:'''Chicken Little''': Where?
:'''Buck Cluck''': There! How'd you get over there?!
:'''Chicken Little''': Who're we talking about?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Never mind. What's the difference? Look, the past is behind us, right?
:'''Chicken Little''': Mmm.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Tomorrow's gonna be a new day.
:''[chuckling]''
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[gasping]'' Please be gone, please be gone, please be gone...
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Good.
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Ah!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No.
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': No. I gotta call Abby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': All right, guys. Watch this.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Bizarre. ''[Runt whimpers]'' Okay. Let me guess. You haven't told your dad yet.
:'''Chicken Little''': Well...
:'''Abby Mallard''': I knew it! Why haven't you told him? Because there hasn't been you, your dad, talk-talk-talking.
:'''Chicken Little''': There was talking. There was...There was definitely talking.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Oh, really? What did he say? ''[Chicken Little only making stammering things]'' What? Alright, that's ''it''! We are doing an intervention, you have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': She's right!
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby, please. This is exactly what fell on me the first time. There's no way I'm bringing this up again with him.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': No, he's not!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Sorry! I'm a gutless flip-flopper.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay. I'm sure there's a simple, logical explanation. I mean, it could be a piece of weather balloon, or maybe it's part of some experimental communications satellite.
:'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is. I want it out of my life, gone for good. Everything back to normal.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Hey, remember when that icy blue stuff fell from the sky? Everybody thought it was from space and stuff? And it just turned out to be frozen pee from a jet airplane.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Yeah, that's right. It's frozen pee. Yeah. It's frozen pee. ''[singing] Pee, pee, pee, pee pee.''
:'''Chicken Little''': Could you stop saying that?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': What, pee?
:'''Chicken Little''': Pee.
:'''Abby Mallard''': How about tinkle?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Piddle?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Whiz? ''[Fish gurgles]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Wee-wee?
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, subject change.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Make Phishee?
:'''Chicken Little''': I don't care what it is! Now are you gonna help me get rid of it or not?
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Flying Fish! Take cover! Fish!
:'''Chicken Little''': No!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Fish!
:''[Chicken Little gasps and Runt screams]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on, come on, come on!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Wait, wait, whoa, son! Where's the fire here?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Chicken Little has something to tell you! Tell him. He can handle it.
:'''Chicken Little''': Who're we talking about?
:''[sighing]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Uh...
:'''Chicken Little''': Gotta go! Dad! Bye! 
:'''Buck Cluck''': You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Sit tight, Fish!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Fish, we will try to save you!
:''[panting]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Yeah!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I'm sorry! Wait!
:''[?]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Sorry!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Curb!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Ay!
:''[?]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Fish!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Abby! Abby! Wake up! Come on! Let's get outta here!
:''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish?}}
:'''Abby Mallard''': {{small|Fish!}}
:'''Chicken Little''': {{small|Fish...}}
:'''Abby Mallard''': {{small|Fish...}}
:'''Runt of the Litter''': ''[yelling]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WHERE ARE YOU, FISH?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': Shh!  
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I can't handle the pressure! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dog''': Now the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew!
:''[?]''
:'''Coach''': Chicken Little, you better have a good explanation for this!
:'''Chicken Little''': There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh...Doo-wah!
:'''Mountain Lion''': What did he say?
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': ''[reading a sign-holding dog's signs]'' &quot;There's...there's...it's a...you have to...D'oh! Doo-wah!&quot;
:'''Chicken Little''': Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Aliens here! Aliens here!
:'''Buck Cluck''': It's happening again.
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Come on. Come on. You're about to see it!
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Quick! It's taking off! Come on! If you don't hurry, you're gonna miss it!
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': ''[stops a crowd]'' Hey, look, a penny.
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[annoyed]'' Guys!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dog''': Now, let's check the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cameraman Rabbit''': Eh, there's no story here.
:'''Cameraman Dog''': At least we can sell the video of Chickens Gone Wild. 
:'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling ya everybody, it was here!
:'''Abby Mallard''': No, wait! There were aliens!  
:'''Runt of the Litter''': It's true! They had eyes...They're glowing and then tentacles! And maps with planets with X's through them! &lt;big&gt;'''''AAHHH!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Runt's Mother''': ''[angrily grabs Runt's ear]'' Runt, that's enough! Don't make mommy take away your Streisand collection! ''[pulls Runt out of the scene]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Mom, can you leave Barbra out of this!
:'''Principal Fetchit''': Why can't you keep that child of yours under control?!
:'''Mama Vulture''': What kind of parent are you?!
:'''Chicken Little''': I'm telling you the truth! Dad! Dad! I am not making this up! You gotta believe me this time.
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs, pauses]'' No, son. I don't. ''[chuckles]'' I can't tell you how embarrassed I am, folks. I'm really sorry about this, everyone. Looks like this is just a big, crazy misunderstanding.
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Well, other than the penny, this whole evening was a wash!
:'''Foxy Loxy''': Oh, Mr. Cluck, don't take it so hard. No one blames you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abby Mallard''': If there ever was a time to talk to your dad...it's now.
:'''Chicken Little''': It's too late for that.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': It's too late, baby, now it's too late. ''[sobbing]'' Though they really did try to make it.
:'''Abby Mallard''': Runt, just think about it.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Something inside has died and they just can't hide and they just can't fake it. Oh, no, no.
:'''Chicken Little''': Runt, I really just want to be alone right now. ''[Abby, Fish, and Runt leave. Then, Chicken Little sees Kirby next to him all alone. It winks at him.]'' Oh! Abby! Runt! Fish! Look! There! Look there! Look there!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': What is that thing?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': His name is Kirby?
:'''Abby Mallard''': They left him behind?
:'''Runt of the Litter''': [[Darth Vader]] is Luke's father?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[Kirby starts sobbing]'' No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, don't cry. We're here for you. We're gonna do whatever it takes to get you back home, okay? Here, blow. ''[Kirby blows his nose. he tries to get it off, but wipes it off on the ground]'' See, guys? He's cool. He was just freaked out. That's all. ''[Kirby sneezes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Watch out for the kid! Don't hit him!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son! There you are. Quick! Get in the car. We gotta go.
:'''Chicken Little''': No, wait. Dad, I gotta tell you something.
:'''Buck Cluck''': What? I know! I know! You were right! Alien invasion. I see that now. Look up! There it is!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, you know, about that...It's actually just a rescue mission.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Rescue mission?
:'''Chicken Little''': You see, this alien kid was left and they're coming back to get him! So, we have to help him, 'cause if we don't, who else will?
:'''Buck Cluck''': What?
:'''Chicken Little''': Ugh! Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Son! Son, come back! Son! Chicken Little!
:'''Abby Mallard''': Mr. Cluck, wait! He's telling the truth!
:'''Runt of the Litter''': He is! Given his track record, we understand why you don't believe him!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buck Cluck''': Chicken Little! ''[Kirby screams]'' What? Where's your head? We gotta get outta here! Come on! Come on... You, with the running and the jumping!
:'''Chicken Little''': Dad, no, wait.
:'''Abby Mallard''': What are you guys doing? We gotta get outta here! It's like... It's like War of the Worlds out there!
:'''Buck Cluck''': Stop pulling!
:'''Chicken Little''': Just listen to me for one second! It's not dangerous!
:'''Abby Mallard''': We are under attack! Will you two stop messing around and deal with the problem?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Buck Cluck]'' You're never there for me!
:'''Buck Cluck''': What?
:'''Abby Mallard''': Okay, that's not what I had in mind, but...
:'''Chicken Little''': You're never there for me. I mean, you were there when I won the game, but not when I thought the sky fell and not at the ball field and certainly not now!
:'''Abby Mallard''': This is good! Keep going, keep going!
:'''Chicken Little''': You've been ashamed since the acorn thing happened. We have to talk because Modern Mallard says avoiding closure can lead to molting and I'm already small and on top of that, I don't think I could handle being bald!
:'''Buck Cluck''': I... I didn't realize, son. I never meant to...The acorn, the sky, I mean, the whole... ''[sighs, chuckles]'' You're right. You're right. Your mom, she was...You know, she was always good with stuff like this. Me...I'm gonna need a lot of work. But you need to know that I love you, no matter what. And I'm sorry, I... And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that was something you had to earn. ''[Buck Cluck and Chicken Little hug]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': Uh... Uh... And we're good. Let's go. Let's go.
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, Dad. Now, all we gotta do is return helpless little Kirby.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Return this whatever it is? This is crazy! Crazy! Crazy wonderful! Just tell me what you need me to do.
:'''Chicken Little''': Do you really mean it?
:'''Buck Cluck''': You bet! Anything, son.
:'''Chicken Little''': Come on, Dad. We've got a planet to save.
:'''Buck Cluck''': Crazy supportive. That's me! Ohh! This thing likes to nibble, doesn't it?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[to Abby]'' By the way, I'd like to say I've always found you extremely attractive. ''[kisses Abby]''
:'''Abby Mallard''': ''[giggles]'' Now that's closure.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': Wait, wait, what's going on? Oh, they've given her an alien mind-wipe! ''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, son. What do we do now?
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh, okay. This is a piece of cake, Dad. All we have to do is take the kid down the street to the giant metal alien.
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Oh. We surrender! Here! Take the key to the city!
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Key to my car?
:''[?]''
:'''Turkey Lurkey''': Tic Tac?
:''[?]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Forget plan A!
:''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Uh-oh.
:''[?]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay, okay, what now, son? Who, by the way, I support 100 percent.
:'''Chicken Little''': Uh, plan B?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Ha-ha! Of course! Plan B! What is plan B?
:''[Kirby jabbering]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': What? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? A snack? Corn dog on a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want?! I stink at this. I'm a horrible father.
:''[Kirby speaks alien language]''
:'''Buck Cluck''': No, no, I am.
:'''Kirby''': Poo-tee-tah.
:'''Chicken Little''': Oh, is that your parents?
:'''Kirby''': Pooteetah, pooteetah. ''[sputtering]''
:'''Chicken Little''': That's it, Dad! Plan B! All we have to do is weave through traffic through town square while avoiding death rays from alien robots. We get to Town Hall, climb up to the roof and give the kid back to its parents.
:''[girl screaming]''
:''[zapping]''
:'''Buck''': Yeah! Charge! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chicken Little''': Runt, just do it. It'll work. We'll survive!
:''[Intro to &quot;I Will Survive&quot; plays]''
:'''Runt of the Litter''': I will survive? Brake, Abby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Buck Cluck''': What, what? You have to go to the bathroom? ''[Kirby shakes head]'' You want juice? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' A snack? ''[Kirby shakes head again]'' Corndog? On a stick? ''[Kirby starts to lose temper]'' Want to play some golf? What do you want?
:'''Kirby''': Pootita! Pootita!
:'''Buck Cluck''': I stink at this...I'm a horrible father. No, no, no, I am, I am. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melvin''': Why did you take our child?
:'''Buck Cluck''': Hey, hey! ''[gulps]'' Just hold on there, buddy! My son did not take your kid! You were the one that left him behind! That's bad parenting, and I should know!
:'''Melvin''': ''Silence''! '''Release the child!'''
:'''Buck Cluck''': Okay.
:'''Chicken Little''': Okay, okay.
:''[Kirby returns to his mother]''
:'''Tina''': Sweetheart! Oh, Kirby, I'm so happy to see you! My darling!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[sighs]'' That was close.
:'''Chicken Little''': At least they're back together. They got their kid.
:'''Melvin''': You have violated intergalactic law 90210! A charge punishable by immediate particle disintegration!
:'''Buck Cluck''': ''[held at gunpoint alongside his son]'' Oh, snap.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alien Cop''': Okay, everything's been put back to normal, except for this one over here.
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[dressed in a pink dress and curls]'' Hi, y'all.
:''[Everyone else gasps]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Foxy?
:'''Foxy Loxy''': ''[singing in a girly manner]'' Lollipop, lollipop / Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop...
:'''Alien Cop''': She got her brainwaves a little scrambled during reconstitution, but, no worries! We can put her back the way she was.
:'''Runt of the Litter''': No! She's perfect. ''[joins Foxy]'' Lollipop.
:''[Popping sound]''
:'''Both''': Lollipop.
:'''Alien Cop''': Scary.
:'''Melvin''': Whoops. Darling, look at the time. We better can move on. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ace''': Are you ready to rock?
:'''Hollywood Runt''': Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no valley low.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ace''': ''[to Hollywood Runt shooting alien spaceships]'' Give them a taste of the other white meat!

==Taglines==
* This time, the sky really ''is'' falling.

==Cast==
===Voice Cast===
====Main Cast====
* '''[[Zach Braff]]''' – Chicken Little
* '''[[w:Garry Marshall|Garry Marshall]]''' – Buck &quot;Ace&quot; Cluck
* '''[[w:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]]''' – Mayor Turkey Lurkey
* '''[[Patrick Stewart]]''' – Mr. Woolensworth
* '''[[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]]''' – Foxy Loxy
* '''[[w:Steve Zahn|Steve Zahn]]''' – Master Runt of the Litter
* '''[[w:Joan Cusack|Joan Cusack]]''' – Abigail &quot;Abby&quot; Mallard
* '''[[w:Wallace Shawn|Wallace Shawn]]''' – Principal Fetchit
* '''[[w:Harry Shearer|Harry Shearer]]''' – Dog Announcer
* '''[[Fred Willard]]''' – Melvin - Alien Dad
* '''[[Catherine O'Hara]]''' – Tina - Alien Mom
* '''[[Patrick Warburton]]''' – Alien Cop
* '''[[Adam West]]''' – Ace (Hollywood Chicken Little)

====Deleted Scenes====
* '''[[w:Holly Hunter|Holly Hunter]]''' – Chicken Little (as a girl)
* '''[[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]]''' – Chloe Cluck

===Additional Characters===
* '''[[w:Mark Walton (story artist)|Mark Walton]]''' – Goosey Loosey
* '''[[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]''' – Morkubine Porcupine, Coach
* '''Dan Molina''' – Fish Out of Water
* '''[[w:Joe Whyte|Joe Whyte]]''' – Rodriguez, Acorn Mascot, Umpire
* '''Sean Elmore'''&lt;br&gt;'''Matthew Michael Joston'''&lt;br&gt;'''Evan Dunn''' – Kirby - Alien Kid
* '''Kellie Hoover''' – Mama Runt
* '''[[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]]''' – Hollywood Fish
* '''Dara McGarry''' – Hollywood Abby
* '''Mark Kennedy''' – Hollywood Runt

===Additional Voices===
* '''[[w:Greg Berg|Greg Berg]]''' – Buck Cluck (ADR)
* '''[[w:Julianne Buescher|Julianne Buescher]]''' – Abby Mallard (ADR)
* '''David Cowgill''' – Donkey
* '''[[w:Paul Pape|Paul Pape]]''' – Firehouse Dog
* '''Spencer Aste''' – Cougar
* '''[[w:Sheb Wooley|Sheb Wooley]]''' – Anonymous Crowd Scream (Archive Sound)

==Teaser Trailer==
:''[The teaser trailer starts with the Walt Disney Pictures logo, then fades to reveal someone recording a camera with text reading, &quot;In Theaters 2005&quot;, then pans down to Chicken Little's house]''
:'''Reporter #1''': It doesn't look like he's home.
:'''Reporter #2''': Do you think he's in there?
:'''Reporter #3''': Maybe he's still at school.
:''[As the camera gets closer to the house, some tip-toeing footsteps can be heard]''
:'''Reporter #2''': Wait, wait, wait, wait! What's that?
:''[The camera zooms in on an empty toilet paper roll]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Ah, it's just a roll of toilet paper.
:''[The off-screen reporters moan until they see chicken legs burst out from underneath the roll, and sneak away]''
:'''Reporter #5''': With legs?!
:''[The roll with legs springs up in shock]''
:'''Reporter #6''': That's him!
:''[The toilet paper bumps into a metal trash can, revealing Chicken Little hiding under it]''
:'''Reporter #7''': He's trying to get away!
:'''Reporters''': Chicken Little! Chicken Little! Chicken Little!
:''[The camera rushes over to Chicken Little, with holding microphones surrounding the edges of the lens. Chicken Little runs on a trash lid to escape, only to run in place and fly away]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Did you actually think the sky was falling?
:'''Reporter #2''': Did you know it was an acorn?
:'''Reporter #5''': Why did your father think of this?
:'''Chicken Little''': No comment! No comment! ''[stops at a fence, and tries to get it open]''
:'''Reporter #4''': Are you concerned about sky-falling copycats?
:'''Reporter #2''': Aren't you even related to The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
:'''Reporter #5''': Are you really a chicken?
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[breathing heavily]'' I… Uh, uh, uh… ''[points]'' Look! Over there!
:''[The camera turns left to a brown dog holding a baseball bat, and wearing a baseball mitt. Next to the dog is a gray bunny wearing a baseball mitt. Their faces are censored. The dog and bunny gasp upon seeing this as the bunny drops the baseball, and they look at each other. The camera turns back to the fence, seeing that Chicken Little has disappeared]''
:'''Reporter #1''': Where'd he go?
:''[The camera whirls around to find Chicken Little running back to his house]''
:'''Reporter #3''': There he is!
:'''Reporter #4''': Get him!
:''[The camera chases after Chicken Little until he jumps into the door's mail slot, only to get stuck. The microphones surround him as he attempts to get out]''
:'''Reporter #5''': Chicken Little, your action caused widespread panic, and subsequently you were blamed and humiliated in front of your town, your father and everyone you know and love!
:''[Chicken Little stops straining and is confused]''
:'''Chicken Little''': ''[sighs]'' Was there a question in there?
:'''Reporter #5''': Uh, no. I just wanted to point that out.
:''[As the off-screen reporters shout at one time, Chicken Little gets out of the mail slot]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Alright, that's enough.
:'''Reporter #6''': One final question! Do you think you'll ever get to live this down?
:''[The scene behind Chicken Little darkens as a heroic score plays in the background. A spotlight shines around Chicken Little as he responds his question boldly]''
:'''Chicken Little''': Yes. Yes, I will! Because I believe in second chances, and I will rise again like the mighty phoenix, and soon everyone will forget! ''[The background lightens up to its original state as the music stops]'' It's not like they're making a movie about it.
:''[Chicken Little laughs and a black title card drops down into place and the film's title. A few seconds later, Chicken Little tears through the two title cards]''
:'''Chicken Little''': It was a simple mistake! People, please, please! I'm begging you! Let it go!
:''[We cut to the black background with the early release date, &quot;IN THEATERS 2005&quot;. Chicken Little enters from the left of the shot as he walks. He stops to look at the release date]''
:'''Chicken Little''': A movie? ''[sniffles and breaks into tears]'' The book on tape was bad enough.
:''[Chicken Little cries as he exits right. Once he's out of view, the final film's title drops into place, reading &quot;This time, the sky is falling&quot;, the screen fades to black as the music fades, ending the teaser trailer]''

== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==

* We had a long debate in the studio: What was Disney's legacy? Was it 2-D, pencil-drawn animation, or was it telling great stories with great characters? And Joe Grant, who passed away just this past year, that we dedicated the movie to...I think he was, at 94 years old, really the youngest voice in the room, saying to all of us, &quot;Look, Walt Disney stood for cutting-edge technology. He stood for whatever tool you could assemble that would do the best job of telling your story. Don't get hung up on the technology and say, 'No, it's the pencil.'&quot; He said, &quot;Walt never would have locked in and said, 'You gotta stick with the pencil forever, no matter what happens with technology.'&quot; So I think it was undeniable. I think of the top-ten grossing [animated movies], Lion King is the only one in there that's a 2-D movie. It's undeniable that there's a great public appetite, and it's because you just have such a rich palette. Like Buck Cluck's feathers--he has 250,000 feathers on his head and his arms that can all move to wind and gravity. Those are things that you could only dream of in a 2-D realm.
** [[w:Randy Fullmer|Randy Fullmer]] in [http://movies.radiofree.com/interviews/chickenl_mark_dindal_randy_fullmer.shtml &quot;MARK DINDAL &amp; RANDY FULLMER on 'CHICKEN LITTLE'&quot;] by Michael J. Lee, ''RadioFree.com'', October 16, 2005.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0371606|title=Chicken Little}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Films about space hazards]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]]
[[Category:Animated films about ducks]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
[[Category:Films about ducks]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:Chicken Little (franchise)]]
[[Category:2005 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Films about alien invasions]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Electric Company</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>155439</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951845</id>
      <parentid>3495062</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:26:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="1558" sha1="s4jworte5bmvu7cocz87oppgzz6wtss" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:The Electric Company|The Electric Company]]''''' is an children's educational sketch comedy television series produced by  [[w:Sesame Workshop|Sesame Workshop]] for [[w:PBS|PBS]] in the United States. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 7 to 14.

==Season 2 (recorded in March 1, 1972 and released in October 1972-April 1973)==
:Fargo: (to Allison) You know what that means.
:Allison: I certainly do.
----
:Fargo: (to Allison) Yes, why?
:Allison: BECAUSE YOUR DESK IS ON FIRE!
:Fargo: And so it is. Say hello to folks.
:Allison: (opens the door and leaves Fargo) Okay. (closes the door)
----
:Fargo: (to someone or himself) MY DESK IS ON FIRE! (throws water at fire)

==Cast==
*Skip Hinnant (Seasons 1-6 (1971-1977))
*Allison (former best friend of Kathy (played by 14-17 year old Melanie Henderson (born in 9/20/1957) in seasons 1-4 (1971-1975)) and former Short Circus band member) (played by the 1972-1973 singer named 14-16 year old Denise Nickerson (born in 4/1/1957)) (Season 2 (1972-1973))

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|The Electric Company}}
* {{IMDb title|0066651|The Electric Company (1971 version)}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Electric Company, The}}
[[Category:1970s American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:1970s American sketch comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mathematical analysis</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T00:21:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>1595</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* See also */Philosophical analysis, Psychoanalysis</comment>
      <origin>3951901</origin>
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      <text bytes="17863" sha1="acxi9lyr3jf71aefn36499y2q7q7igg" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Archimedes pi.svg|thumb|right|300px|[[Archimedes]] used the {{w|method of exhaustion}} to compute the [[area]] inside a circle by finding the area of [[:w:Regular polygon|regular polygons]] with more and more sides. This was an early but informal example of a [[:w:limit (mathematics)|limit]], one of the most basic concepts in mathematical analysis.]]
'''[[:w:Mathematical analysis|Mathematical analysis]]''' or just '''analysis''' is a branch of [[mathematics]] that includes the theories of differentiation, integration, measure, limits, infinite series, and analytic functions. These theories are usually studied in the context of real and complex numbers and functions. 
__NOTOC__
:&lt;small&gt;'''CONTENT'''&lt;/small&gt; : [[#A - F|A - F]] , [[#G - L|G - L]] , [[#M - R|M - R]] , [[#S - Z|S - Z]] , [[#See also|See also]] , [[#External links|External links]]

== Quotes ==
:''Quotes are arranged alphabetically by author''

=== A - F ===
* The great masters of modern analysis are [[Lagrange]], [[Laplace]], and [[Carl Friedrich Gauss|Gauss]], who were contemporaries. It is interesting to note the marked contrast in their styles. Lagrange is perfect both in form and matter, he is careful to explain his procedure, and though his arguments are general they are easy to follow. Laplace on the other hand explains nothing, is indifferent to style, and, if satisfied that his results are correct, is content to leave them either with no proof or with a faulty one. Gauss is as exact and elegant as Lagrange, but even more difficult to follow than Laplace, for he removes every trace of the analysis by which he reached his results, and studies to give a proof which while rigorous shall be as concise and synthetical as possible. 
** [[W. W. Rouse Ball]], ''History of Mathematics,'' (London, 1901), p. 463

* In the entire history of Greek mathematics, all but the incomparable [[Archimedes]] and a few of the more heterodox sophists appear to have hated or feared the mathematical infinite. Analysis was thwarted when it might have prospered.&lt;!--p.50--&gt;
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)

*I presume that few who have paid any attention to the history of the Mathematical Analysis, will doubt that it has been developed in certain order, or that that order, has been to great extent necessary – being determined by steps of logical deduction, or by the successive introduction of new ideas and conceptions, when the time for the evolution had arrived. 
**[[George Boole]] in a “Treatise on Differential Equations”, 1859, pp.485 quoted in: ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=yW4_AQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA70 The Mathematical Monthly, Volume 2]'',1860  P.70-71

* THEY who are acquainted with the present state of the theory of Symbolical Algebra, are aware, that the validity of the processes of analysis does not depend upon the interpretation of the symbols which are employed, but solely upon the laws of their combination. Every system of interpretation which does not affect the truth of the relations supposed, is equally admissible, and it is thus that the same process may, under one scheme of interpretation, represent the solution of a question on the properties of numbers, under another, that of a geometrical problem, and under a third, that of a problem of dynamics or optics. This principle is indeed of fundamental importance ; and it may with safety be affirmed, that the recent advances of pure analysis have been much assisted by the influence which it has exerted in directing the current of investigation. 
** [[George Boole]], ''[http://books.google.nl/books?id=zv4YAQAAIAAJ The Mathematical Analysis of Logic],'' Philosophical Library, (1847), p. ii: Lead paragraph of the Introduction 

* The terms ''[[synthesis]]'' and ''[[analysis]]'' are used in mathematics in a more special sense than in logic. In ancient mathematics they had a different meaning from what they now have. The oldest definition of mathematical analysis as opposed to synthesis is that given in [[w:Euclid's Elements|Euclid]], XIII. 5, which in all probability was framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]: &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth; synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot;
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 30

* The analytic method is not conclusive, unless all operations involved in it are known to be reversible. To remove all doubt, the Greeks, as a rule added to the analytic process a synthetic one, consisting of a reversion of all operations occurring in the analysis. Thus the aim of analysis was to aid in the discovery of synthetic proofs or solutions.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 31

* Mathematical Analysis is... the true rational basis of the whole system of our positive knowledge.
** [[Auguste Comte]], ''The Positive Philosophy'', 1853, Bk. 1, chap. 1, as cited in: in: [[Robert Edouard Moritz]]. ''[https://archive.org/stream/memorabiliamathe00moriiala#page/81/mode/2up Memorabilia mathematica; or, The philomath's quotation-book],'' (1914), p. 224

* Every attempt to refer chemical questions to mathematical doctrines must be considered, now and always, profoundly irrational, as being contrary to the nature of the phenomena. . . . but if the employment of mathematical analysis should ever become so preponderant in chemistry (an aberration which is happily almost impossible) it would occasion vast and rapid retrogradation....
** [[Auguste Comte]], ''The Positive Philosophy'', 1853

* Those skilled in mathematical analysis know that its object is not simply to calculate numbers, but that it is also employed to find the relations between magnitudes which cannot be expressed in numbers and between functions whose law is not capable of algebraic expression.
** [[Antoine Augustin Cournot]]. ''Mathematical Theory of the Principles of Wealth,'' [Bacon, N. T.], (New York, 1897), p. 3. 

* So far we have studies how, for each commodity by itself, the law of demand in connection with the conditions of production of that commodity, determines the price of it and regulates the incomes of its producers. We considered as given and invariable the prices of other commodities and the incomes of other producers; '''but, in reality the economic system is a whole of which the parts are connected and react on each other.''' An increase in the incomes of the producers of commodity A will affect the demand for commodities Band C, etc., and the incomes of their producers, and, by its reaction will involve a change in the demand for A. It seems, therefore, as if, for a complete and rigorous solution of the problems relative to some parts of the economic system, it were indispensable to take the entire system into consideration. But this would surpass the powers of mathematical analysis and of our practical methods of calculation, even if the values of all the constants could be assigned to them numerically.
** [[Antoine Augustin Cournot]]. ''[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Researches_into_the_Mathematical_Principles_of_the_Theory_of_Wealth Researches into the Mathematical Principles of the Theory of Wealth],'' 1897, English transl. by Nathaniel T. Bacon. p. 137

* Machine-held strings of binary digits can simulate a great many kinds of things, of which numbers are just one kind. For example, they can simulate automobiles on a freeway, chess pieces, electrons in a box, musical notes, Russian words, patterns on a paper, human cells, colors, electrical circuits, and so on. To think of a computer as made up essentially of numbers is simply a carryover from the successful use of mathematical analysis in studying models. Most of this series of lectures has been devoted to applications of computers, and this is not the time to give details about their usefulness. I merely wish to point out certain types of things being done with computers today that could not have been done in 1945. Some of these are technological, some are intellectual. 
** [[George Forsythe]] ''Educational implications of the computer revolution'', 1963

* Mathematical analysis is co-extensive with nature itself; it defines all perceptible relations, measures times, spaces, forces, temperatures ; this difficult science is formed slowly, but it preserves every principle which it has once acquired; it grows and strengthens itself incessantly in the midst of the many variations and errors of the human mind. &lt;br&gt; Its chief attribute is clearness; it has no marks to express confused notations. It brings together phenomena the most diverse, and discovers the hidden analogies which unite them. If matter escapes us, as that of air and light because of its extreme tenuity, if bodies are placed far from us in the immensity of space, if man wishes to know the aspect of the heavens at successive periods separated by many centuries, if gravity and heat act in the interior of the solid earth at depths which will forever be inaccessible, mathematical analysis is still able to trace the laws of these phenomena. It renders them present and measurable, and appears to be the faculty of the human mind destined to supplement the brevity of life and the imperfection of the senses, and what is even more remarkable, it follows the same course in the study of all phenomena; it explains them in the same language, as if in witness to the unity and simplicity of the plan of the universe, and to make more manifest the unchangeable order which presides over all natural causes.
** [[Joseph Fourier]] ''The Analytical Theory of Heat'' (1878)

* The effects of heat are subject to constant laws which cannot be discovered without the aid of mathematical analysis. The object of the theory is to demonstrate these laws; it reduces all physical researches on the propagation of heat, to problems of the integral calculus, whose elements are given by experiment. No subject has more extensive relations with the progress of industry and the natural sciences; for the action of heat is always present, it influences the processes of the arts, and occurs in all the phenomena of the universe. 
**  [[Joseph Fourier]], ''Theory of Heat,'' [Freeman], (Cambridge, 1878), Chap. 1, p. 12.

*Mathematical Analysis is as extensive as nature herself.
**[[Joseph Fourier|Jean Baptiste Joseph Fourier]] in &quot;Fourier Analysis&quot; by T.W.Korner quoted in [http://books.google.co.in/books?id=P9xB7s-aLakC&amp;pg=PA120 Mathematical Analysis], Universities Press, 2001, p. 120

=== G - L ===
* Perhaps the least inadequate description of the general scope of modern [[Pure Mathematics]] I will not call it a definition would be to say that it deals with form, in a very general sense of the term; this would include algebraic form, functional relationship, the relations of order in any ordered set of entities such as numbers, and the analysis of the peculiarities of form of groups of operations.
** [[E. W. Hobson]] &quot;Presidential Address British Association for the Advancement of Science, Section A, (1910}&quot; in: ''Nature,'' Vol. 84, p. 287

* [D]uring the last half-century, number and measurable quantity have been separated... the idea of number alone has been recognized as the foundation upon which Mathematical Analysis rests, and the theory of extensive [[w:Magnitude (mathematics)|magnitude]] is now regarded as a separate department in which the methods of Analysis are applicable, but as no longer forming part of the foundation upon which Analysis itself rests.
** [[E. W. Hobson]], ''[[Mathematics, from the points of view of the Mathematician and of the Physicist]]'' (1912) [https://books.google.com/books?id=H7Y_AQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA8 p. 8.]

* I discovered that a whole range of problems of the most diverse character relating to the scientiﬁc organization of production (questions of the optimum distribution of the work of machines and mechanisms, the minimization of scrap, the best utilization of raw materials and local materials, fuel, transportation, and so on) lead to the formulation of a single group of mathematical problems (extremal problems). These problems are not directly comparable to problems considered in mathematical analysis. It is more correct to say that they are formally similar, and even turn out to be formally very simple, but the process of solving them with which one is faced [i.e., by mathematical analysis] is practically completely unusable, since it requires the solution of tens of thousands or even millions of systems of equations for completion.&lt;br&gt; I have succeeded in ﬁnding a comparatively simple general method of solving this group of problems which is applicable to all the problems I have mentioned, and is sufﬁciently simple and effective for their solution to be made completely achievable under practical conditions.
** [[Leonid Kantorovich]] (1960) &quot;Mathematical Methods of Organizing and Planning Production.&quot; ''Management Science,'' 6(4):366–422, 1960, p. 368); As cited in: Cockshott, W. Paul. &quot;[http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/publications/PAPERS/8707/standalonearticle.pdf Mises, Kantorovich and economic computation].&quot; (2007).

* [[Analysis]] and natural philosophy owe their most important discoveries to this fruitful means, which is called induction. [[Newton]] was indebted to it for his theorem of the binomial and the principle of universal gravity.
** [[Laplace]], ''A Philosophical Essay on Probabilities,'' [Truscott and Emory] (New York 1902), p. 176.

=== M - R ===
* The calculus was the first achievement of modern mathematics and it is difficult to overestimate its importance. I think it defines more unequivocally than anything else the inception of modern mathematics; and the system of mathematical analysis, which is its logical development, still constitutes the greatest technical advance in exact thinking.
** [[John von Neumann]], originally published in ''Works of the Mind'' (edited by Robert B. Heywood, 1947) and reproduced in von Neumann, ''Collected Works'' (edited by A. H. Taub, 1961), Vol. I, &quot;The Mathematician&quot;, pp. 1–10.

* The analyst, who pursues a purely esthetic aim, helps create, just by that, a language more fit to satisfy the physicist.
**[[Henri Poincaré]], ''The Value of Science'' (1905) Ch. 5: Analysis and Physics, [https://books.google.com/books?id=R6IaAAAAYAAJ Tr.] [[w:G. B. Halsted|George Bruce Halsted]] (1907)

*L'analyse mathématique, n'est elle donc qu'un vain jeu d'esprit? Elle ne peut pas donner au physicien qu'un langage commode; n'est-ce pa là un médiocre service, dont on aurait pu se passer à la rigueur; et même n'est il pas à craindre que ce langage artificiel ne soit pas un voile interposé entre la réalité at l'oeil du physicien? Loin de là, sans ce langage, la pluspart des anaologies intimes des choses nous seraient demeurées à jamais inconnues; et nous aurions toujours ignoré l'harmonie interne du monde, qui est, nous le verrons, la seule véritable réalité objective.
**So is not mathematical analysis then not just a vain game of the mind? To the physicist it can only give a convenient language; but isn't that a mediocre service, which after all we could have done without; and, it is not even to be feared that this artificial language be a veil, interposed between reality and the physicist's eye? Far from that, without this language most of the intimate analogies of things would forever have remained unknown to us; and we would never have had knowledge of the internal harmony of the world, which is, as we shall see, the only true objective reality. 
***[[Henri Poincaré]] in: ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=DRBItQRDzWkC&amp;pg=PA3 Statistical Mechanics of Disordered Systems: A Mathematical Perspective]'', Cambridge University Press, 8 June 2006, p. 3

* The fact that all Mathematics is Symbolic Logic is one of the greatest discoveries of our age; and when this fact has been established, the remainder of the principles of mathematics consists in the [[analysis]] of Symbolic Logic itself.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Principles of Mathematics'' (1903), Ch. I: Definition of Pure Mathematics, p. 5

=== S - Z ===
* The new mathematics is a sort of supplement to language, affording a means of thought about form and quantity and a means of expression, more exact, compact, and ready than ordinary language. The great body of physical science, a great deal of the essential facts of financial science, and endless social and political problems are only accessible and only thinkable to those who have had a sound training in mathematical analysis, and the time may not be very remote when it will be understood that for complete initiation as an efficient citizen of one of the new great complex world wide states that are now developing, it is as necessary to be able to compute, to think in averages and maxima and minima, as it is now to be able to read and to write. 
** [[H. G. Wells]]. ''Mankind in the Making,'' (London, 1904), pp. 191-192.

* As analysis was more cultivated, it gained a predominancy over geometry; being found to be a far more powerful instrument for obtaining results; and possessing a beauty and an evidence, which, though different from those of geometry, had great attractions for minds to which they became familiar. The person who did most to give to analysis the generality and symmetry which are now its pride, was also the person who made Mechanics analytical; I mean [[Leonhard Euler|Euler]].
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1859) Vol. 1, pp. 363-363.

== See also ==
* [[Analysis]]
* [[Mathematics]]
* [[Numerical analysis]]
* [[Philosophical analysis]]
* [[Psychoanalysis]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Math quotes}}

[[Category:Mathematics]]
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'''[[:w:Mathematical analysis|Mathematical analysis]]''' or just '''analysis''' is a branch of [[mathematics]] that includes the theories of differentiation, integration, measure, limits, infinite series, and analytic functions. These theories are usually studied in the context of real and complex numbers and functions. 
__NOTOC__
:&lt;small&gt;'''CONTENT'''&lt;/small&gt; : [[#A - F|A - F]] , [[#G - L|G - L]] , [[#M - R|M - R]] , [[#S - Z|S - Z]] , [[#See also|See also]] , [[#External links|External links]]

== Quotes ==
:''Quotes are arranged alphabetically by author''

=== A - F ===
* My work in the future must be devoted entirely to pure mathematics in its abstract meaning. I shall apply all my strength to bring more light into the tremendous obscurity which one unquestionably finds in analysis. It lacks so completely all plan and system that it is peculiar that so many can have studied it. The worst of it is, it has never been treated stringently. There are very few theorems in advanced analysis which have been demonstrated in a logically tenable manner. Everywhere one finds this miserable way of concluding from the special to the general, and it is extremely peculiar that such a procedure has led to so few of the so-called paradoxes. It is really interesting to seek the cause.
** [[Niels Henrik Abel]], Letter to Professor Christoffer Hansteen (1826) ''Oeuvres Complètes de N. H. Abel, mathematician, Nouvelle edition'' (1881) ed., {{w|Peter Ludwig Mejdell Sylow}} &amp; {{w|Sophus Lie}}, Vol. 2, pp. 263-265, as quoted by {{w|Øystein Ore}}, ''Niels Henrik Abel: Mathematician Extraordinary'' (1957) p. 113.

* The great masters of modern analysis are [[Lagrange]], [[Laplace]], and [[Carl Friedrich Gauss|Gauss]], who were contemporaries. It is interesting to note the marked contrast in their styles. Lagrange is perfect both in form and matter, he is careful to explain his procedure, and though his arguments are general they are easy to follow. Laplace on the other hand explains nothing, is indifferent to style, and, if satisfied that his results are correct, is content to leave them either with no proof or with a faulty one. Gauss is as exact and elegant as Lagrange, but even more difficult to follow than Laplace, for he removes every trace of the analysis by which he reached his results, and studies to give a proof which while rigorous shall be as concise and synthetical as possible. 
** [[W. W. Rouse Ball]], ''History of Mathematics,'' (London, 1901), p. 463

* In the entire history of Greek mathematics, all but the incomparable [[Archimedes]] and a few of the more heterodox sophists appear to have hated or feared the mathematical infinite. Analysis was thwarted when it might have prospered.&lt;!--p.50--&gt;
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)

*I presume that few who have paid any attention to the history of the Mathematical Analysis, will doubt that it has been developed in certain order, or that that order, has been to great extent necessary – being determined by steps of logical deduction, or by the successive introduction of new ideas and conceptions, when the time for the evolution had arrived. 
**[[George Boole]] in a “Treatise on Differential Equations”, 1859, pp.485 quoted in: ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=yW4_AQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA70 The Mathematical Monthly, Volume 2]'',1860  P.70-71

* THEY who are acquainted with the present state of the theory of Symbolical Algebra, are aware, that the validity of the processes of analysis does not depend upon the interpretation of the symbols which are employed, but solely upon the laws of their combination. Every system of interpretation which does not affect the truth of the relations supposed, is equally admissible, and it is thus that the same process may, under one scheme of interpretation, represent the solution of a question on the properties of numbers, under another, that of a geometrical problem, and under a third, that of a problem of dynamics or optics. This principle is indeed of fundamental importance ; and it may with safety be affirmed, that the recent advances of pure analysis have been much assisted by the influence which it has exerted in directing the current of investigation. 
** [[George Boole]], ''[http://books.google.nl/books?id=zv4YAQAAIAAJ The Mathematical Analysis of Logic],'' Philosophical Library, (1847), p. ii: Lead paragraph of the Introduction 

* The terms ''[[synthesis]]'' and ''[[analysis]]'' are used in mathematics in a more special sense than in logic. In ancient mathematics they had a different meaning from what they now have. The oldest definition of mathematical analysis as opposed to synthesis is that given in [[w:Euclid's Elements|Euclid]], XIII. 5, which in all probability was framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]: &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth; synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot;
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 30

* The analytic method is not conclusive, unless all operations involved in it are known to be reversible. To remove all doubt, the Greeks, as a rule added to the analytic process a synthetic one, consisting of a reversion of all operations occurring in the analysis. Thus the aim of analysis was to aid in the discovery of synthetic proofs or solutions.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 31

* Mathematical Analysis is... the true rational basis of the whole system of our positive knowledge.
** [[Auguste Comte]], ''The Positive Philosophy'', 1853, Bk. 1, chap. 1, as cited in: in: [[Robert Edouard Moritz]]. ''[https://archive.org/stream/memorabiliamathe00moriiala#page/81/mode/2up Memorabilia mathematica; or, The philomath's quotation-book],'' (1914), p. 224

* Every attempt to refer chemical questions to mathematical doctrines must be considered, now and always, profoundly irrational, as being contrary to the nature of the phenomena. . . . but if the employment of mathematical analysis should ever become so preponderant in chemistry (an aberration which is happily almost impossible) it would occasion vast and rapid retrogradation....
** [[Auguste Comte]], ''The Positive Philosophy'', 1853

* Those skilled in mathematical analysis know that its object is not simply to calculate numbers, but that it is also employed to find the relations between magnitudes which cannot be expressed in numbers and between functions whose law is not capable of algebraic expression.
** [[Antoine Augustin Cournot]]. ''Mathematical Theory of the Principles of Wealth,'' [Bacon, N. T.], (New York, 1897), p. 3. 

* So far we have studies how, for each commodity by itself, the law of demand in connection with the conditions of production of that commodity, determines the price of it and regulates the incomes of its producers. We considered as given and invariable the prices of other commodities and the incomes of other producers; '''but, in reality the economic system is a whole of which the parts are connected and react on each other.''' An increase in the incomes of the producers of commodity A will affect the demand for commodities Band C, etc., and the incomes of their producers, and, by its reaction will involve a change in the demand for A. It seems, therefore, as if, for a complete and rigorous solution of the problems relative to some parts of the economic system, it were indispensable to take the entire system into consideration. But this would surpass the powers of mathematical analysis and of our practical methods of calculation, even if the values of all the constants could be assigned to them numerically.
** [[Antoine Augustin Cournot]]. ''[https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Researches_into_the_Mathematical_Principles_of_the_Theory_of_Wealth Researches into the Mathematical Principles of the Theory of Wealth],'' 1897, English transl. by Nathaniel T. Bacon. p. 137

* Machine-held strings of binary digits can simulate a great many kinds of things, of which numbers are just one kind. For example, they can simulate automobiles on a freeway, chess pieces, electrons in a box, musical notes, Russian words, patterns on a paper, human cells, colors, electrical circuits, and so on. To think of a computer as made up essentially of numbers is simply a carryover from the successful use of mathematical analysis in studying models. Most of this series of lectures has been devoted to applications of computers, and this is not the time to give details about their usefulness. I merely wish to point out certain types of things being done with computers today that could not have been done in 1945. Some of these are technological, some are intellectual. 
** [[George Forsythe]] ''Educational implications of the computer revolution'', 1963

* Mathematical analysis is co-extensive with nature itself; it defines all perceptible relations, measures times, spaces, forces, temperatures ; this difficult science is formed slowly, but it preserves every principle which it has once acquired; it grows and strengthens itself incessantly in the midst of the many variations and errors of the human mind. &lt;br&gt; Its chief attribute is clearness; it has no marks to express confused notations. It brings together phenomena the most diverse, and discovers the hidden analogies which unite them. If matter escapes us, as that of air and light because of its extreme tenuity, if bodies are placed far from us in the immensity of space, if man wishes to know the aspect of the heavens at successive periods separated by many centuries, if gravity and heat act in the interior of the solid earth at depths which will forever be inaccessible, mathematical analysis is still able to trace the laws of these phenomena. It renders them present and measurable, and appears to be the faculty of the human mind destined to supplement the brevity of life and the imperfection of the senses, and what is even more remarkable, it follows the same course in the study of all phenomena; it explains them in the same language, as if in witness to the unity and simplicity of the plan of the universe, and to make more manifest the unchangeable order which presides over all natural causes.
** [[Joseph Fourier]] ''The Analytical Theory of Heat'' (1878)

* The effects of heat are subject to constant laws which cannot be discovered without the aid of mathematical analysis. The object of the theory is to demonstrate these laws; it reduces all physical researches on the propagation of heat, to problems of the integral calculus, whose elements are given by experiment. No subject has more extensive relations with the progress of industry and the natural sciences; for the action of heat is always present, it influences the processes of the arts, and occurs in all the phenomena of the universe. 
**  [[Joseph Fourier]], ''Theory of Heat,'' [Freeman], (Cambridge, 1878), Chap. 1, p. 12.

*Mathematical Analysis is as extensive as nature herself.
**[[Joseph Fourier|Jean Baptiste Joseph Fourier]] in &quot;Fourier Analysis&quot; by T.W.Korner quoted in [http://books.google.co.in/books?id=P9xB7s-aLakC&amp;pg=PA120 Mathematical Analysis], Universities Press, 2001, p. 120

=== G - L ===
* The oldest definition of ''Analysis'' as opposed to ''Synthesis'' is that appended to Euclid XIII. 5. It was possibly framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]. It states that &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth: synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot; In other words, the synthetic proof proceeds by shewing that certain admitted truths involve the proposed new truth: the analytic proof proceeds by shewing that the proposed new truth involves certain admitted truths.
** [[James Gow (scholar)|James Gow]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=9d8DAAAAMAAJ A Short History of Greek Mathematics]'' (1884) p. 177

* Analysis and [[synthesis]], though commonly treated as two different methods, are, if properly understood, only the two necessary parts of the same method. Each is the relative and correlative of the other.
** [[Sir William Hamilton, 9th Baronet|Sir W. Hamilton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* The Mss. [of [[Euclid’s Elements]]] contain a curious addition to XIII. I-5 in the shape of analyses and syntheses for each proposition prefaced by the heading:&lt;br /&gt;&quot;What is analysis and what is synthesis.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Analysis is the assumption of that which is sought as if it were admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Synthesis is an assumption of that which is admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;There must apparently be some corruption in the text; it does not, in the case of synthesis, give what is wanted. B and V have, instead of &quot;something admitted to be true,&quot; the words &quot;the end or attainment of what is sought.&quot; ...&lt;br /&gt;the addition is altogether alien from the plan and manner of the ''Elements''. The interpolation took place before Theon's time, and the probability is that it was originally in the margin, whence it crept into the text of P after XIII. 5. [[w:Johan Ludvig Heiberg (historian)|Heiberg]]... cited the remark of [[Pappus of Alexandria|Pappus]] at the beginning of his &quot;comparisons of the five [regular solid] figures which have an equal surface,&quot; to the effect that he will not use &quot;the so-called analytical investigation by means of which some of the ancients effected their demonstrations.&quot; More recently Heiberg conjectures that the author is [[w:Hero of Alexandria|Heron]], on the ground that the sort of analysis and synthesis recalls Heron's remarks on analysis and synthesis in his commentary on the beginning of Book II. and his quasi-algebraical alternative proofs of propositions in that Book.
** [[Thomas Little Heath]], The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements, [https://books.google.com/books?id=wUs6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 3] Book XIII, Prop I, footnote, p. 442.

* Perhaps the least inadequate description of the general scope of modern [[Pure Mathematics]] I will not call it a definition would be to say that it deals with form, in a very general sense of the term; this would include algebraic form, functional relationship, the relations of order in any ordered set of entities such as numbers, and the analysis of the peculiarities of form of groups of operations.
** [[E. W. Hobson]] &quot;Presidential Address British Association for the Advancement of Science, Section A, (1910}&quot; in: ''Nature,'' Vol. 84, p. 287

* [D]uring the last half-century, number and measurable quantity have been separated... the idea of number alone has been recognized as the foundation upon which Mathematical Analysis rests, and the theory of extensive [[w:Magnitude (mathematics)|magnitude]] is now regarded as a separate department in which the methods of Analysis are applicable, but as no longer forming part of the foundation upon which Analysis itself rests.
** [[E. W. Hobson]], ''[[Mathematics, from the points of view of the Mathematician and of the Physicist]]'' (1912) [https://books.google.com/books?id=H7Y_AQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA8 p. 8.]

* [[François Viète|Vieta]] presented his analytic art as &quot;the new algebra&quot; and took its name from the ancient mathematical method of &quot;analysis&quot;, which he understood to have been first discovered by [[Plato]] and so named  by {{w|Theon of Smyrna}}. Ancient analysis is the 'general' half of a method of discovering the unknown in geometry; the other half, &quot;synthesis&quot;, being particular in character. The method was defined by Theon like this: analysis is the &quot;taking of the thing sought as granted and proceeding  by means of what follows to a truth that is uncontested&quot;'. Synthesis, in turn, is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conculsion and comprehension of the thing sought&quot; (Vietae 1992: 320). The transition from analysis to synthesis was called &quot;conversion&quot;, depending on whether the discovery of the truth of a geometrical theorem or the solution (&quot;construction&quot;) to a geometrical problem was being demonstrated, the analysis was called respectively &quot;theoretical&quot; or &quot;problematical&quot;.
** {{w|Burt C. Hopkins}}, &quot;Nastalgia and Phenomenon: Hussel and Patočka on the End of the Ancient Cosmos,&quot; ''The Phenomenological Critique of Mathematisation and the Question of Responsibility: Formalisation and the Life-World'' (2015) ed., Ľubica Učník, Ivan Chvatík, Anita Williams, p. 71, ''Contributions to Phenomenology'' 76

* I discovered that a whole range of problems of the most diverse character relating to the scientiﬁc organization of production (questions of the optimum distribution of the work of machines and mechanisms, the minimization of scrap, the best utilization of raw materials and local materials, fuel, transportation, and so on) lead to the formulation of a single group of mathematical problems (extremal problems). These problems are not directly comparable to problems considered in mathematical analysis. It is more correct to say that they are formally similar, and even turn out to be formally very simple, but the process of solving them with which one is faced [i.e., by mathematical analysis] is practically completely unusable, since it requires the solution of tens of thousands or even millions of systems of equations for completion.&lt;br&gt; I have succeeded in ﬁnding a comparatively simple general method of solving this group of problems which is applicable to all the problems I have mentioned, and is sufﬁciently simple and effective for their solution to be made completely achievable under practical conditions.
** [[Leonid Kantorovich]] (1960) &quot;Mathematical Methods of Organizing and Planning Production.&quot; ''Management Science,'' 6(4):366–422, 1960, p. 368); As cited in: Cockshott, W. Paul. &quot;[http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/publications/PAPERS/8707/standalonearticle.pdf Mises, Kantorovich and economic computation].&quot; (2007).

* [[Analysis]] and natural philosophy owe their most important discoveries to this fruitful means, which is called induction. [[Newton]] was indebted to it for his theorem of the binomial and the principle of universal gravity.
** [[Laplace]], ''A Philosophical Essay on Probabilities,'' [Truscott and Emory] (New York 1902), p. 176.

* [[w:Function (mathematics)|Function]]s are the bread and butter of modern scientists, statisticians, and economists. Once many repeated... experiments and observations produce the same functional interrelationships, those may acquire the... status of ''laws of nature''—mathematical descriptions... [[René Descartes|Descartes]]' ideas... opened the door for a systematic mathematization of everything—the very essence of the notion that God is a mathematician. ...[B]y establishing the equivalence of two perspectives of mathematics (algebraic and geometric) previously considered disjoint, Descartes expanded the horizons of mathematics and paved the way to the modern era of ''analysis'', which allows [us] to comfortably cross from one mathematical discipline to another.&lt;!--p. 96--&gt;
** [[w:Mario Livio|Mario Livio]], ''Is God a Mathematician?'' (2009)

=== M - R ===
* A great part of the progress of formal thought... has been due to the invention of what we may call ''stenophrenic'', or ''short-mind'', [[symbols]]. These... disengage the mind from the consideration of ponderous and circuitous mechanical operations and economise its energies  for the performance of new and unaccomplished tasks of thought. And the advancement of those sciences has been most notable which have made the most extensive use of these... Here [[mathematics]] and [[chemistry]] stand pre-eminent. The [[Ancient Greek mathematics|ancient Greeks]]... even admitting that their powers were more visualistic than analytic, were yet so impeded by their lack of short-mind symbols as to have made scarcely any progress whatever in analysis. Their [[arithmetic]] was a species of [[geometry]]. They did not possess the sign for [[zero]], and also did not make use of position as an indicator of value. ...The historical calculations of [[Archimedes]], his approximation to the value of &amp;pi;, etc., owing to this lack of appropriate... symbols, entailed enormous and incredible labors, which, if they had been avoided, would... have led to [even] great[er] discoveries.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR7 p. vii.]

* [A]t the close of the [[Middle Ages]], when the so-called [[w:Arabic numerals|Arabic figures]] became established throughout Europe with the symbol {{w|0}} and the [[w:Positional notation|principle of local value]], immediate progress was made in the art of reckoning. The problems... led up to the general solutions of equations of the third and fourth degree by the Italian mathematicians of the sixteenth century. Yet even these discoveries were made in somewhat the same manner as problems in mental arithmetic are now solved in common schools; for the present signs of plus, minus, and equality, the radical and exponential signs, and especially the systematic use of letters for denoting general quantities in algebra, had not yet become universal. The last step was definitively due to... [[François Viète|Vieta]]... and the mighty advancement of analysis resulting therefrom can hardly be measured or imagined.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR8 p. viii.]

* The calculus was the first achievement of modern mathematics and it is difficult to overestimate its importance. I think it defines more unequivocally than anything else the inception of modern mathematics; and the system of mathematical analysis, which is its logical development, still constitutes the greatest technical advance in exact thinking.
** [[John von Neumann]], originally published in ''Works of the Mind'' (edited by Robert B. Heywood, 1947) and reproduced in von Neumann, ''Collected Works'' (edited by A. H. Taub, 1961), Vol. I, &quot;The Mathematician&quot;, pp. 1–10.

* By this way of Analysis we may proceed from [[w:Chemical compound|Compound]]s to Ingredients, and from [[Motion]]s to the [[Force]]s producing them; and in general, from [[Causality|Effects to their Causes]], and from particular Causes to more general ones, till the Argument end in the most [[Generalization|general]]. This is the Method of Analysis: and the [[Synthesis]] consists in assuming the Causes discover'd, and establish'd as [[Principles]], and by them explaining the Phænomena proceeding from them, and proving the Explanations.
** [[Isaac Newton]], ''Opticks'' (1704) {pp. 380-381 in [https://books.google.com/books?id=GnAFAAAAQAAJ 4th edition] (1730)}

* The investigation of [[Difficulties|difficult things]] by the method of analysis ought ever to precede the method of composition.
** [[Isaac Newton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34.

* Now analysis is of two kinds, the one directed to searching for the [[truth]] and called ''[[Theory|theoretical]]'', the other directed to finding what we are told to find and called [[problem]]atical. (1) In the ''theoretical'' kind we assume what is sought as if it were [[Existence|existent]] and true, after which we pass through its successive consequences, as if they too were true and established by virtue of our [[hypothesis]], to something admitted: then (''a''), if that something admitted is true, that which is sought will also be true and the proof will correspond in the reverse order to the analysis, but (''b''), if we come upon something admittedly false, that which is sought will also be false. (2) In the ''problematical'' kind we assume that which is [[wikt:propound#Verb|propound]]ed as if it were known, after which we pass through its successive consequences, taking them as true, up to something admitted: if then (''a'') what is admitted is [[Possibility|possible]] and obtainable, that is, what mathematicians call ''given'', what was originally proposed will also be possible, and the proof will again correspond in reverse order to the analysis, but if (''b'') we come upon something admittedly [[Impossibility|impossible]], the problem will also be impossible.
** [[Pappus]], (c. 330 AD) as quoted by [[Thomas Little Heath]], ''The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements'' (1908) [https://books.google.com/books?id=dkk6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], Ch. IX. §6.

* The analyst, who pursues a purely esthetic aim, helps create, just by that, a language more fit to satisfy the physicist.
**[[Henri Poincaré]], ''The Value of Science'' (1905) Ch. 5: Analysis and Physics, [https://books.google.com/books?id=R6IaAAAAYAAJ Tr.] [[w:G. B. Halsted|George Bruce Halsted]] (1907)

*L'analyse mathématique, n'est elle donc qu'un vain jeu d'esprit? Elle ne peut pas donner au physicien qu'un langage commode; n'est-ce pa là un médiocre service, dont on aurait pu se passer à la rigueur; et même n'est il pas à craindre que ce langage artificiel ne soit pas un voile interposé entre la réalité at l'oeil du physicien? Loin de là, sans ce langage, la pluspart des anaologies intimes des choses nous seraient demeurées à jamais inconnues; et nous aurions toujours ignoré l'harmonie interne du monde, qui est, nous le verrons, la seule véritable réalité objective.
**So is not mathematical analysis then not just a vain game of the mind? To the physicist it can only give a convenient language; but isn't that a mediocre service, which after all we could have done without; and, it is not even to be feared that this artificial language be a veil, interposed between reality and the physicist's eye? Far from that, without this language most of the intimate analogies of things would forever have remained unknown to us; and we would never have had knowledge of the internal harmony of the world, which is, as we shall see, the only true objective reality. 
***[[Henri Poincaré]] in: ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=DRBItQRDzWkC&amp;pg=PA3 Statistical Mechanics of Disordered Systems: A Mathematical Perspective]'', Cambridge University Press, 8 June 2006, p. 3

* The fact that all [[Mathematics]] is [[w:Formal system|Symbolic Logic]] is one of the greatest discoveries of our age; and when this fact has been established, the remainder of the principles of mathematics consists in the [[analysis]] of Symbolic Logic itself.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Principles of Mathematics'' (1903), Ch. I: Definition of Pure Mathematics, p. 5

=== S - Z ===
* In mathematics there is a certain way of seeking the [[truth]], a way which [[Plato]] is said first to have discovered and which was called &quot;analysis&quot; by [[w:Theon of Smyrna|Theon]] and was defined by him as &quot;taking the thing sought as granted and proceeding by means of what follows to a truth which is uncontested&quot;; so, on the other hand, &quot;synthesis&quot; is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conclusion and comprehension of the thing sought.&quot; And although the ancients set forth a twofold analysis, the [[wiktionary:zetetic#Noun|zetetic]] and the [[w:Porism|poristic]], to which Theon's definition particularly refers, it is nevertheless fitting that there be established also a third kind, which may be called rhetic or [[wiktionary:exegetic|exegetic]], so that there is a [[wikt:zetetic#Adjective|zetetic]] art by which is found the equation or proportion between the magnitude that is being sought and those that are given, a [[w:Porism|poristic]] art by which from the equation or proportion the truth of the theorem set up is investigated, and an exegetic art by which from the equation set up or the proportion, there is produced the magnitude itself which is being sought. And thus, the whole threefold analytic art, claiming for itself this office, may be defined as the science of right finding in mathematics.  ...the zetetic art does not employ its logic on numbers—which was the [[wikt:tedious|tedious]]ness of the ancient analysts—but uses its logic through a [[wikt:logistic#Noun|logistic]] which in a new way has to do with species [of number]...
* [[François Viète]], ''In Artem Aanalyticem Isagoge'' (1591) Ch. 1, as quoted by [[w:Jacob Klein (philosopher)|Jacob Klein]], ''Greek Mathematical Thought and the Origin of Algebra'' (1934-1936) Appendix

* The new mathematics is a sort of supplement to language, affording a means of thought about form and quantity and a means of expression, more exact, compact, and ready than ordinary language. The great body of physical science, a great deal of the essential facts of financial science, and endless social and political problems are only accessible and only thinkable to those who have had a sound training in mathematical analysis, and the time may not be very remote when it will be understood that for complete initiation as an efficient citizen of one of the new great complex world wide states that are now developing, it is as necessary to be able to compute, to think in averages and maxima and minima, as it is now to be able to read and to write. 
** [[H. G. Wells]]. ''Mankind in the Making,'' (London, 1904), pp. 191-192.

* As analysis was more cultivated, it gained a predominancy over geometry; being found to be a far more powerful instrument for obtaining results; and possessing a beauty and an evidence, which, though different from those of geometry, had great attractions for minds to which they became familiar. The person who did most to give to analysis the generality and symmetry which are now its pride, was also the person who made Mechanics analytical; I mean [[Leonhard Euler|Euler]].
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1859) Vol. 1, pp. 363-363.

== See also ==
* [[Analysis]]
* [[Mathematics]]
* [[Numerical analysis]]
* [[Philosophical analysis]]
* [[Psychoanalysis]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Math quotes}}

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      <text bytes="16578" sha1="oa2k9bmalwyyu2xjk5jrftb96gl0olv" xml:space="preserve">:''For other uses, see [[Analysis (disambiguation)]].'' 
[[File:Adriaen_Van_Ostade_-_L'Analyse_-_PDUT921_-_Musée_des_Beaux-Arts_de_la_ville_de_Paris.jpg|thumb|{{w|Adriaen van Ostade}}, &quot;Analysis&quot; (1666)]]
[[File:Ishikawa Fishbone Diagram cz.svg|thumb|Ishikawa's Fishbone diagram to analyse and picture cause-and-effect.]]
'''[[:w:Analysis|Analysis]]''' is the process of breaking a complex topic or substance into smaller parts to gain a better understanding of it. The technique has been applied in the study of mathematics and logic since before [[Aristotle]] (384–322 B.C.), though analysis as a formal concept is a relatively recent development.

== Quotes ==

* My work in the future must be devoted entirely to pure mathematics in its abstract meaning. I shall apply all my strength to bring more light into the tremendous obscurity which one unquestionably finds in analysis. It lacks so completely all plan and system that it is peculiar that so many can have studied it. The worst of it is, it has never been treated stringently. There are very few theorems in advanced analysis which have been demonstrated in a logically tenable manner. Everywhere one finds this miserable way of concluding from the special to the general, and it is extremely peculiar that such a procedure has led to so few of the so-called paradoxes. It is really interesting to seek the cause.
** [[Niels Henrik Abel]], Letter to Professor Christoffer Hansteen (1826) ''Oeuvres Complètes de N. H. Abel, mathematician, Nouvelle edition'' (1881) ed., {{w|Peter Ludwig Mejdell Sylow}} &amp; {{w|Sophus Lie}}, Vol. 2, pp. 263-265, as quoted by {{w|Øystein Ore}}, ''Niels Henrik Abel: Mathematician Extraordinary'' (1957) p. 113.

* Philosophers hasten too much from the analytic to the synthetic method; that is, they draw general conclusions from too small a number of particular observations and experiments. 
** [[Henry St John, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke|Lord Bolingbroke]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* The terms ''[[synthesis]]'' and ''analysis'' are used in mathematics in a more special sense than in logic. In ancient mathematics they had a different meaning from what they now have. The oldest definition of mathematical analysis as opposed to synthesis is that given in [[w:Euclid's Elements|Euclid]], XIII. 5, which in all probability was framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]: &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth; synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot;
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 30

* The idea that God may be approached and understood through intellectual analysis is uniquely Christian. ...It is probably not an accident that modern science grew explosively in Christian Europe and left the rest of the world behind.
** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''The Scientist As Rebel'' (2006)

* The oldest definition of ''Analysis'' as opposed to ''Synthesis'' is that appended to Euclid XIII. 5. It was possibly framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]. It states that &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth: synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot; In other words, the synthetic proof proceeds by shewing that certain admitted truths involve the proposed new truth: the analytic proof proceeds by shewing that the proposed new truth involves certain admitted truths.
** [[James Gow (scholar)|James Gow]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=9d8DAAAAMAAJ A Short History of Greek Mathematics]'' (1884) p. 177

* Analysis and [[synthesis]], though commonly treated as two different methods, are, if properly understood, only the two necessary parts of the same method. Each is the relative and correlative of the other.
** [[Sir William Hamilton, 9th Baronet|Sir W. Hamilton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* The Mss. [of [[Euclid’s Elements]]] contain a curious addition to XIII. I-5 in the shape of analyses and syntheses for each proposition prefaced by the heading:&lt;br /&gt;&quot;What is analysis and what is synthesis.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Analysis is the assumption of that which is sought as if it were admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Synthesis is an assumption of that which is admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;There must apparently be some corruption in the text; it does not, in the case of synthesis, give what is wanted. B and V have, instead of &quot;something admitted to be true,&quot; the words &quot;the end or attainment of what is sought.&quot; ...&lt;br /&gt;the addition is altogether alien from the plan and manner of the ''Elements''. The interpolation took place before Theon's time, and the probability is that it was originally in the margin, whence it crept into the text of P after XIII. 5. [[w:Johan Ludvig Heiberg (historian)|Heiberg]]... cited the remark of [[Pappus of Alexandria|Pappus]] at the beginning of his &quot;comparisons of the five [regular solid] figures which have an equal surface,&quot; to the effect that he will not use &quot;the so-called analytical investigation by means of which some of the ancients effected their demonstrations.&quot; More recently Heiberg conjectures that the author is [[w:Hero of Alexandria|Heron]], on the ground that the sort of analysis and synthesis recalls Heron's remarks on analysis and synthesis in his commentary on the beginning of Book II. and his quasi-algebraical alternative proofs of propositions in that Book.
** [[Thomas Little Heath]], The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements, [https://books.google.com/books?id=wUs6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 3] Book XIII, Prop I, footnote, p. 442.

* [[François Viète|Vieta]] presented his analytic art as &quot;the new algebra&quot; and took its name from the ancient mathematical method of &quot;analysis&quot;, which he understood to have been first discovered by [[Plato]] and so named  by {{w|Theon of Smyrna}}. Ancient analysis is the 'general' half of a method of discovering the unknown in geometry; the other half, &quot;synthesis&quot;, being particular in character. The method was defined by Theon like this: analysis is the &quot;taking of the thing sought as granted and proceeding  by means of what follows to a truth that is uncontested&quot;'. Synthesis, in turn, is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conculsion and comprehension of the thing sought&quot; (Vietae 1992: 320). The transition from analysis to synthesis was called &quot;conversion&quot;, depending on whether the discovery of the truth of a geometrical theorem or the solution (&quot;construction&quot;) to a geometrical problem was being demonstrated, the analysis was called respectively &quot;theoretical&quot; or &quot;problematical&quot;.
** {{w|Burt C. Hopkins}}, &quot;Nastalgia and Phenomenon: Hussel and Patočka on the End of the Ancient Cosmos,&quot; ''The Phenomenological Critique of Mathematisation and the Question of Responsibility: Formalisation and the Life-World'' (2015) ed., Ľubica Učník, Ivan Chvatík, Anita Williams, p. 71, ''Contributions to Phenomenology'' 76

* Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist... The therapy effected by life itself is not, however, within one's control. Neither hardships nor friendships nor religious experience can be arranged to meet the needs of the particular individual. Life as a therapist is ruthless; circumstances that are helpful to one neurotic may entirely crush another.
** [[Karen Horney]] ''Our Inner Conflicts'' (1945)

* Analysis and natural philosophy owe their most important discoveries to this fruitful means, which is called induction. [[Newton]] was indebted to it for his theorem of the binomial and the principle of universal gravity.
** [[Laplace]], ''A Philosophical Essay on Probabilities,'' [Truscott and Emory] (New York 1902), p. 176. 

* [[w:Function (mathematics)|Function]]s are the bread and butter of modern scientists, statisticians, and economists. Once many repeated... experiments and observations produce the same functional interrelationships, those may acquire the... status of ''laws of nature''—mathematical descriptions... [[René Descartes|Descartes]]' ideas... opened the door for a systematic mathematization of everything—the very essence of the notion that God is a mathematician. ...[B]y establishing the equivalence of two perspectives of mathematics (algebraic and geometric) previously considered disjoint, Descartes expanded the horizons of mathematics and paved the way to the modern era of ''analysis'', which allows [us] to comfortably cross from one mathematical discipline to another.&lt;!--p. 96--&gt;
** [[w:Mario Livio|Mario Livio]], ''Is God a Mathematician?'' (2009)

* A great part of the progress of formal thought... has been due to the invention of what we may call ''stenophrenic'', or ''short-mind'', symbols. These... disengage the mind from the consideration of ponderous and circuitous mechanical operations and economise its energies  for the performance of new and unaccomplished tasks of thought. And the advancement of those sciences has been most notable which have made the most extensive use of these... Here mathematics and chemistry stand pre-eminent. The ancient Greeks... even admitting that their powers were more visualistic than analytic, were yet so impeded by their lack of short-mind symbols as to have made scarcely any progress whatever in analysis. Their arithmetic was a species of geometry. They did not possess the sign for zero, and also did not make use of position as an indicator of value. ...The historical calculations of [[Archimedes]], his approximation to the value of &amp;pi;, etc., owing to this lack of appropriate... symbols, entailed enormous and incredible labors, which, if they had been avoided, would... have led to [even] great[er] discoveries.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR7 p. vii.]

* [A]t the close of the [[Middle Ages]], when the so-called [[w:Arabic numerals|Arabic figures]] became established throughout Europe with the symbol {{w|0}} and the [[w:Positional notation|principle of local value]], immediate progress was made in the art of reckoning. The problems... led up to the general solutions of equations of the third and fourth degree by the Italian mathematicians of the sixteenth century. Yet even these discoveries were made in somewhat the same manner as problems in mental arithmetic are now solved in common schools; for the present signs of plus, minus, and equality, the radical and exponential signs, and especially the systematic use of letters for denoting general quantities in algebra, had not yet become universal. The last step was definitively due to... [[François Viète|Vieta]]... and the mighty advancement of analysis resulting therefrom can hardly be measured or imagined.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR8 p. viii.]

* By this way of Analysis we may proceed from Compounds to Ingredients, and from Motions to the Forces producing them; and in general, from Effects to their Causes, and from particular Causes to more general ones, till the Argument end in the most general. This is the Method of Analysis: and the [[Synthesis]] consists in assuming the Causes discover'd, and establish'd as Principles, and by them explaining the Phænomena proceeding from them, and proving the Explanations.
** [[Isaac Newton]], ''Opticks'' (1704) {pp. 380-381 in [https://books.google.com/books?id=GnAFAAAAQAAJ 4th edition] (1730)}

* The investigation of difficult things by the method of analysis ought ever to precede the method of composition.
** [[Isaac Newton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* Now analysis is of two kinds, the one directed to searching for the truth and called ''theoretical'', the other directed to finding what we are told to find and called problematical. (1) In the ''theoretical'' kind we assume what is sought as if it were existent and true, after which we pass through its successive consequences, as if they too were true and established by virtue of our hypothesis, to something admitted: then (''a''), if that something admitted is true, that which is sought will also be true and the proof will correspond in the reverse order to the analysis, but (''b''), if we come upon something admittedly false, that which is sought will also be false. (2) In the ''problematical'' kind we assume that which is propounded as if it were known, after which we pass through its successive consequences, taking them as true, up to something admitted: if then (''a'') what is admitted is possible and obtainable, that is, what mathematicians call ''given'', what was originally proposed will also be possible, and the proof will again correspond in reverse order to the analysis, but if (''b'') we come upon something admittedly impossible, the problem will also be impossible.
** [[Pappus]], (c. 330 AD) as quoted by [[Thomas Little Heath]], ''The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements'' (1908) [https://books.google.com/books?id=dkk6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], Ch. IX. §6.

* The fact that all Mathematics is Symbolic Logic is one of the greatest discoveries of our age; and when this fact has been established, the remainder of the principles of mathematics consists in the analysis of Symbolic Logic itself.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Principles of Mathematics'' (1903), Ch. I: Definition of Pure Mathematics, p. 5

* In mathematics there is a certain way of seeking the truth, a way which [[Plato]] is said first to have discovered and which was called &quot;analysis&quot; by [[w:Theon of Smyrna|Theon]] and was defined by him as &quot;taking the thing sought as granted and proceeding by means of what follows to a truth which is uncontested&quot;; so, on the other hand, &quot;synthesis&quot; is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conclusion and comprehension of the thing sought.&quot; And although the ancients set forth a twofold analysis, the [[wiktionary:zetetic#Noun|zetetic]] and the [[w:Porism|poristic]], to which Theon's definition particularly refers, it is nevertheless fitting that there be established also a third kind, which may be called rhetic or [[wiktionary:exegetic|exegetic]], so that there is a zetetic art by which is found the equation or proportion between the magnitude that is being sought and those that are given, a poristic art by which from the equation or proportion the truth of the theorem set up is investigated, and an exegetic art by which from the equation set up or the proportion, there is produced the magnitude itself which is being sought. And thus, the whole threefold analytic art, claiming for itself this office, may be defined as the science of right finding in mathematics.  ...the zetetic art does not employ its logic on numbers—which was the tediousness of the ancient analysts—but uses its logic through a logistic which in a new way has to do with species [of number]...
* [[François Viète]], ''In Artem Aanalyticem Isagoge'' (1591) Ch. 1, as quoted by [[w:Jacob Klein (philosopher)|Jacob Klein]], ''Greek Mathematical Thought and the Origin of Algebra'' (1934-1936) Appendix

* The word Analysis signifies the general and particular heads of a discourse, with their mutual connections, both co-ordinate and subordinate, drawn out into one or more tables. 
** [[Isaac Watts]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

== See also ==
* [[Mathematical analysis]]
* [[Psychoanalysis]]
* [[Synthesis]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|analysis}}

* [https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/analysis/ Analysis] @Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
* [https://iep.utm.edu/analytic/ Analytic Philosophy] @Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
* [https://philpapers.org/browse/conceptual-analysis Conceptual Analysis] @PhilPapers.org

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      <text bytes="16602" sha1="glkt42tau2jw0oq6l48y5g0m0pr7jln" xml:space="preserve">:''For other uses, see [[Analysis (disambiguation)]].'' 
[[File:Adriaen_Van_Ostade_-_L'Analyse_-_PDUT921_-_Musée_des_Beaux-Arts_de_la_ville_de_Paris.jpg|thumb|{{w|Adriaen van Ostade}}, &quot;Analysis&quot; (1666)]]
[[File:Ishikawa Fishbone Diagram cz.svg|thumb|Ishikawa's Fishbone diagram to analyse and picture cause-and-effect.]]
'''[[:w:Analysis|Analysis]]''' is the process of breaking a complex topic or substance into smaller parts to gain a better understanding of it. The technique has been applied in the study of mathematics and logic since before [[Aristotle]] (384–322 B.C.), though analysis as a formal concept is a relatively recent development.

== Quotes ==

* My work in the future must be devoted entirely to pure mathematics in its abstract meaning. I shall apply all my strength to bring more light into the tremendous obscurity which one unquestionably finds in analysis. It lacks so completely all plan and system that it is peculiar that so many can have studied it. The worst of it is, it has never been treated stringently. There are very few theorems in advanced analysis which have been demonstrated in a logically tenable manner. Everywhere one finds this miserable way of concluding from the special to the general, and it is extremely peculiar that such a procedure has led to so few of the so-called paradoxes. It is really interesting to seek the cause.
** [[Niels Henrik Abel]], Letter to Professor Christoffer Hansteen (1826) ''Oeuvres Complètes de N. H. Abel, mathematician, Nouvelle edition'' (1881) ed., {{w|Peter Ludwig Mejdell Sylow}} &amp; {{w|Sophus Lie}}, Vol. 2, pp. 263-265, as quoted by {{w|Øystein Ore}}, ''Niels Henrik Abel: Mathematician Extraordinary'' (1957) p. 113.

* Philosophers hasten too much from the analytic to the synthetic method; that is, they draw general conclusions from too small a number of particular observations and experiments. 
** [[Henry St John, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke|Lord Bolingbroke]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* The terms ''[[synthesis]]'' and ''analysis'' are used in mathematics in a more special sense than in logic. In ancient mathematics they had a different meaning from what they now have. The oldest definition of mathematical analysis as opposed to synthesis is that given in [[w:Euclid's Elements|Euclid]], XIII. 5, which in all probability was framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]: &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth; synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot;
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[[A History of Mathematics]]'' (1893). p. 30

* The idea that God may be approached and understood through intellectual analysis is uniquely Christian. ...It is probably not an accident that modern science grew explosively in Christian Europe and left the rest of the world behind.
** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''The Scientist As Rebel'' (2006)

* The oldest definition of ''Analysis'' as opposed to ''Synthesis'' is that appended to Euclid XIII. 5. It was possibly framed by [[w:Eudoxus of Cnidus|Eudoxus]]. It states that &quot;Analysis is the obtaining of the thing sought by assuming it and so reasoning up to an admitted truth: synthesis is the obtaining of the thing sought by reasoning up to the inference and proof of it.&quot; In other words, the synthetic proof proceeds by shewing that certain admitted truths involve the proposed new truth: the analytic proof proceeds by shewing that the proposed new truth involves certain admitted truths.
** [[James Gow (scholar)|James Gow]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=9d8DAAAAMAAJ A Short History of Greek Mathematics]'' (1884) p. 177

* Analysis and [[synthesis]], though commonly treated as two different methods, are, if properly understood, only the two necessary parts of the same method. Each is the relative and correlative of the other.
** [[Sir William Hamilton, 9th Baronet|Sir W. Hamilton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* The Mss. [of [[Euclid’s Elements]]] contain a curious addition to XIII. I-5 in the shape of analyses and syntheses for each proposition prefaced by the heading:&lt;br /&gt;&quot;What is analysis and what is synthesis.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Analysis is the assumption of that which is sought as if it were admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Synthesis is an assumption of that which is admitted &lt;and the arrival&gt; by means of its consequences at something admitted to be true.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;There must apparently be some corruption in the text; it does not, in the case of synthesis, give what is wanted. B and V have, instead of &quot;something admitted to be true,&quot; the words &quot;the end or attainment of what is sought.&quot; ...&lt;br /&gt;the addition is altogether alien from the plan and manner of the ''Elements''. The interpolation took place before Theon's time, and the probability is that it was originally in the margin, whence it crept into the text of P after XIII. 5. [[w:Johan Ludvig Heiberg (historian)|Heiberg]]... cited the remark of [[Pappus of Alexandria|Pappus]] at the beginning of his &quot;comparisons of the five [regular solid] figures which have an equal surface,&quot; to the effect that he will not use &quot;the so-called analytical investigation by means of which some of the ancients effected their demonstrations.&quot; More recently Heiberg conjectures that the author is [[w:Hero of Alexandria|Heron]], on the ground that the sort of analysis and synthesis recalls Heron's remarks on analysis and synthesis in his commentary on the beginning of Book II. and his quasi-algebraical alternative proofs of propositions in that Book.
** [[Thomas Little Heath]], The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements, [https://books.google.com/books?id=wUs6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 3] Book XIII, Prop I, footnote, p. 442.

* [[François Viète|Vieta]] presented his analytic art as &quot;the new algebra&quot; and took its name from the ancient mathematical method of &quot;analysis&quot;, which he understood to have been first discovered by [[Plato]] and so named  by {{w|Theon of Smyrna}}. Ancient analysis is the 'general' half of a method of discovering the unknown in geometry; the other half, &quot;synthesis&quot;, being particular in character. The method was defined by Theon like this: analysis is the &quot;taking of the thing sought as granted and proceeding  by means of what follows to a truth that is uncontested&quot;'. Synthesis, in turn, is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conculsion and comprehension of the thing sought&quot; (Vietae 1992: 320). The transition from analysis to synthesis was called &quot;conversion&quot;, depending on whether the discovery of the truth of a geometrical theorem or the solution (&quot;construction&quot;) to a geometrical problem was being demonstrated, the analysis was called respectively &quot;theoretical&quot; or &quot;problematical&quot;.
** {{w|Burt C. Hopkins}}, &quot;Nastalgia and Phenomenon: Hussel and Patočka on the End of the Ancient Cosmos,&quot; ''The Phenomenological Critique of Mathematisation and the Question of Responsibility: Formalisation and the Life-World'' (2015) ed., Ľubica Učník, Ivan Chvatík, Anita Williams, p. 71, ''Contributions to Phenomenology'' 76

* Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist... The therapy effected by life itself is not, however, within one's control. Neither hardships nor friendships nor religious experience can be arranged to meet the needs of the particular individual. Life as a therapist is ruthless; circumstances that are helpful to one neurotic may entirely crush another.
** [[Karen Horney]] ''Our Inner Conflicts'' (1945)

* Analysis and natural philosophy owe their most important discoveries to this fruitful means, which is called induction. [[Newton]] was indebted to it for his theorem of the binomial and the principle of universal gravity.
** [[Laplace]], ''A Philosophical Essay on Probabilities,'' [Truscott and Emory] (New York 1902), p. 176. 

* [[w:Function (mathematics)|Function]]s are the bread and butter of modern scientists, statisticians, and economists. Once many repeated... experiments and observations produce the same functional interrelationships, those may acquire the... status of ''laws of nature''—mathematical descriptions... [[René Descartes|Descartes]]' ideas... opened the door for a systematic mathematization of everything—the very essence of the notion that God is a mathematician. ...[B]y establishing the equivalence of two perspectives of mathematics (algebraic and geometric) previously considered disjoint, Descartes expanded the horizons of mathematics and paved the way to the modern era of ''analysis'', which allows [us] to comfortably cross from one mathematical discipline to another.&lt;!--p. 96--&gt;
** [[w:Mario Livio|Mario Livio]], ''Is God a Mathematician?'' (2009)

* A great part of the progress of formal thought... has been due to the invention of what we may call ''stenophrenic'', or ''short-mind'', symbols. These... disengage the mind from the consideration of ponderous and circuitous mechanical operations and economise its energies  for the performance of new and unaccomplished tasks of thought. And the advancement of those sciences has been most notable which have made the most extensive use of these... Here mathematics and chemistry stand pre-eminent. The ancient Greeks... even admitting that their powers were more visualistic than analytic, were yet so impeded by their lack of short-mind symbols as to have made scarcely any progress whatever in analysis. Their arithmetic was a species of geometry. They did not possess the sign for zero, and also did not make use of position as an indicator of value. ...The historical calculations of [[Archimedes]], his approximation to the value of &amp;pi;, etc., owing to this lack of appropriate... symbols, entailed enormous and incredible labors, which, if they had been avoided, would... have led to [even] great[er] discoveries.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR7 p. vii.]

* [A]t the close of the [[Middle Ages]], when the so-called [[w:Arabic numerals|Arabic figures]] became established throughout Europe with the symbol {{w|0}} and the [[w:Positional notation|principle of local value]], immediate progress was made in the art of reckoning. The problems... led up to the general solutions of equations of the third and fourth degree by the Italian mathematicians of the sixteenth century. Yet even these discoveries were made in somewhat the same manner as problems in mental arithmetic are now solved in common schools; for the present signs of plus, minus, and equality, the radical and exponential signs, and especially the systematic use of letters for denoting general quantities in algebra, had not yet become universal. The last step was definitively due to... [[François Viète|Vieta]]... and the mighty advancement of analysis resulting therefrom can hardly be measured or imagined.
** Thomas J. McCormack, &quot;Joseph Louis Lagrange. Biographical Sketch&quot; (1898) in his translation of [[Joseph Louis Lagrange]], ''Lectures on Elementary Mathematics'' (1898); 2nd edition (1901) [https://books.google.com/books?id=m09tAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PR8 p. viii.]

* By this way of Analysis we may proceed from Compounds to Ingredients, and from Motions to the Forces producing them; and in general, from Effects to their Causes, and from particular Causes to more general ones, till the Argument end in the most general. This is the Method of Analysis: and the [[Synthesis]] consists in assuming the Causes discover'd, and establish'd as Principles, and by them explaining the Phænomena proceeding from them, and proving the Explanations.
** [[Isaac Newton]], ''Opticks'' (1704) {pp. 380-381 in [https://books.google.com/books?id=GnAFAAAAQAAJ 4th edition] (1730)}

* The investigation of difficult things by the method of analysis ought ever to precede the method of composition.
** [[Isaac Newton]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

* Now analysis is of two kinds, the one directed to searching for the truth and called ''theoretical'', the other directed to finding what we are told to find and called problematical. (1) In the ''theoretical'' kind we assume what is sought as if it were existent and true, after which we pass through its successive consequences, as if they too were true and established by virtue of our hypothesis, to something admitted: then (''a''), if that something admitted is true, that which is sought will also be true and the proof will correspond in the reverse order to the analysis, but (''b''), if we come upon something admittedly false, that which is sought will also be false. (2) In the ''problematical'' kind we assume that which is propounded as if it were known, after which we pass through its successive consequences, taking them as true, up to something admitted: if then (''a'') what is admitted is possible and obtainable, that is, what mathematicians call ''given'', what was originally proposed will also be possible, and the proof will again correspond in reverse order to the analysis, but if (''b'') we come upon something admittedly impossible, the problem will also be impossible.
** [[Pappus]], (c. 330 AD) as quoted by [[Thomas Little Heath]], ''The Thirteen Books of Euclid's Elements'' (1908) [https://books.google.com/books?id=dkk6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], Ch. IX. §6.

* The fact that all [[Mathematics]] is [[w:Formal system|Symbolic Logic]] is one of the greatest discoveries of our age; and when this fact has been established, the remainder of the principles of mathematics consists in the analysis of Symbolic Logic itself.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Principles of Mathematics'' (1903), Ch. I: Definition of Pure Mathematics, p. 5

* In mathematics there is a certain way of seeking the truth, a way which [[Plato]] is said first to have discovered and which was called &quot;analysis&quot; by [[w:Theon of Smyrna|Theon]] and was defined by him as &quot;taking the thing sought as granted and proceeding by means of what follows to a truth which is uncontested&quot;; so, on the other hand, &quot;synthesis&quot; is &quot;taking the thing that is granted and proceeding by means of what follows to the conclusion and comprehension of the thing sought.&quot; And although the ancients set forth a twofold analysis, the [[wiktionary:zetetic#Noun|zetetic]] and the [[w:Porism|poristic]], to which Theon's definition particularly refers, it is nevertheless fitting that there be established also a third kind, which may be called rhetic or [[wiktionary:exegetic|exegetic]], so that there is a zetetic art by which is found the equation or proportion between the magnitude that is being sought and those that are given, a poristic art by which from the equation or proportion the truth of the theorem set up is investigated, and an exegetic art by which from the equation set up or the proportion, there is produced the magnitude itself which is being sought. And thus, the whole threefold analytic art, claiming for itself this office, may be defined as the science of right finding in mathematics.  ...the zetetic art does not employ its logic on numbers—which was the tediousness of the ancient analysts—but uses its logic through a logistic which in a new way has to do with species [of number]...
* [[François Viète]], ''In Artem Aanalyticem Isagoge'' (1591) Ch. 1, as quoted by [[w:Jacob Klein (philosopher)|Jacob Klein]], ''Greek Mathematical Thought and the Origin of Algebra'' (1934-1936) Appendix

* The word Analysis signifies the general and particular heads of a discourse, with their mutual connections, both co-ordinate and subordinate, drawn out into one or more tables. 
** [[Isaac Watts]], reported in Austin Allibone ed. ''Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay.'' (1903), p. 34

== See also ==
* [[Mathematical analysis]]
* [[Psychoanalysis]]
* [[Synthesis]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|analysis}}

* [https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/analysis/ Analysis] @Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
* [https://iep.utm.edu/analytic/ Analytic Philosophy] @Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy
* [https://philpapers.org/browse/conceptual-analysis Conceptual Analysis] @PhilPapers.org

[[Category:Science]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Mystery of Mamo</title>
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'''''[[w:The Mystery of Mamo|The Mystery of Mamo]]''''', also known as '''''The Secret of Mamo''''', is a 1978 Japanese animated science fiction adventure comedy film; it is the first animated film of the ''[[wikipedia:Lupin the Third|Lupin III]]'' franchise created by manga author [[wikipedia:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]]. The film was dubbed four times into English; the [[wikipedia:Toho|Toho]]/[[wikipedia:Frontier Enterprises|Frontier]] dub in 1979 (made for [[wikipedia:Japan Airlines|JAL]] flights), the [[wikipedia:Streamline Pictures|Streamline]] dub in 1995, the [[wikipedia:Manga Entertainment|Manga]] dub in 1996 and the [[wikipedia:NBCUniversal Entertainment Japan|Geneon]] dub in 2003.

:''Directed by [[w:Sōji Yoshikawa|Sōji Yoshikawa]]. Written by [[w:Atsushi Yamatoya|Atsushi Yamatoya]] and [[w:Sōji Yoshikawa|Sōji Yoshikawa]], based on the [[w:Lupin III|manga]] by [[w:Monkey Punch|Monkey Punch]].'' 
{{center|'''Lupin III vs. Clone! Who changes the world?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

==Dialogue - Official subtitles (Geneon)==
:'''Coroner:''' ''[typed out]'' CORONER'S REPORT:
:An autopsy was performed on the 
:executed prisoner who was without question
:the real Lupin the Third.
:BUT...
:THERE WAS A MAN WHO REFUSED TO BELIEVE THAT LUPIN WAS DEAD...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[laughs as he lifts the casket lid]'' Lupin, are you trying to obtain eternal life, like Dracula? Sorry, but everything has an end! ''[stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]''
:'''Lupin:''' You're ferocious as usual, Pops.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Lupin! Lupin! You're supposed to be dead!
:'''Lupin:''' So they say. I'm a little confused myself.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' He was the real Lupin. I swear he was.
:'''Lupin:''' Don't swear so easily! Then what am I?
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' That's what I've come here to find out! ''[swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Inspector Zenigata catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]''
:'''Lupin:''' Pops, I'll hear your story some other time. ''[takes off, chuckling]'' Take care!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' He's... He's... He is real! He is alive! He's alive!! ''[laughs]'' If you don't die, I don't die, either! This isn't over yet! I will follow you to the pits of Hell. I will carve your posthumous name on your bones with my own hand!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Did we touch it?
:'''Jigen:''' We're in trouble. Let's hurry.
:'''Lupin:''' We can't just hurry through this. ''[Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.]'' 80 centimeters ahead.
:'''Jigen:''' OK. ''[Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.]'' Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' Huh?
:'''Jigen:''' So what about that matter?
:'''Lupin:''' Well, you know what? It looks like the me who got executed was the REAL me.
:'''Jigen:''' It sounds pretty fishy to me.
:'''Lupin:''' I agree. I started to feel like I'm not me. Well, I'll do something about it soon.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' First Unit, take the south passage! Second Unit and Third Units, block off the north passage!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Mr. Zenigata, on what authority are you acting?
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shoving his megaphone into the Egyptian police chief's face]'' Trust my sixth sense! ''[climbs on top of the nearest vehicle]'' Lupin is inside for sure! Forward! Charge!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Give it up, Lupin! You'll never get through this passage! Block the exits! Here! Over there! Why are you lounging around? Lupin's coming this way! Turn on the lights!
:''[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Well, your sixth sense was right.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' What are you trying to do here?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' ''[taken aback]'' What do you mean?
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Do not fire until my order!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Enough!
:''[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' I'm sick of this. It interferes...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' If it's Lupin, it becomes...
:''[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]''
:'''Egyptian Police Officer:''' It's Lupin!
:''[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Lupin! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]'' A-ha! Tricked you, Lupin. That passage only goes to the top.
:''[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]''
:'''Lupin:''' You are stubbornly traditional. Take the hat off once in a while!
:'''Jigen:''' Don't be stupid! I can't change my old trademark that easy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Goemon, don't scare me.
:'''Goemon:''' We must hurry.
:''[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[chuckles]'' They're coming. They're coming!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Lupin, don't move. You're surrounded!
:''[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]''
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Ah! Damn! ''[the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]''
:'''Lupin:''' Pops, sudden exercise is bad for you.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Wait!
:''[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]''
:'''Lupin:''' Well then, take care!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]'' Lupin... ''[finally explodes in a rage after a moment]'' Lupin! You're mistaken to think I would give up easily. Remember that! Lupin!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:''[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko]''
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[gasps]'' Lupin. Isn't it Lupin?
:'''Lupin:''' ''[melodramatic]'' You are beautiful, Fujiko.
:'''Fujiko:''' Stop joking around, Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]'' Don't be so cruel. The sweet nighttime breeze in Paris may have melted this cold-hearted soul of mine. ''[smells the rose]'' I thought I had elegantly transformed myself this evening.
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[chuckling]'' Looks like it. I'm not sure if it's elegantly or not.
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, sweet-smelling flower. You are a rose.
:'''Fujiko:''' You are old-fashioned.
:'''Lupin:''' The pain from your thorn is giving me pleasure, as well... because I love you.
:'''Fujiko:''' Enough with your acting. Then why don't we close our deal?
:'''Lupin:''' That's pretty cold. ''[throws the rose away]'' Actually, you have too many thorns.
:'''Fujiko:''' I'm in a hurry. ''[gasps]'' Or, Lupin, did you possibly...?
:'''Lupin:''' Don't be so hasty. Here it is.
:''[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher's Stone]''
:'''Fujiko:''' Lupin, you did it!
:''[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hold it. Look how much more passion you show now! How disappointing. Disappointing. Really, really disappointing... I had to convince Jigen, and we endured so much to steal this. And look how you act. Or, Fujiko, are you gonna deal with someone else? Well, I promised not to ask why. So you need to keep your promise to go out with me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]''
:'''Lupin:''' Yikes! She got me! I'm still dizzy.
:'''Jigen:''' Pretending to be a playboy? Serves you right! If we caught her right away, this trouble could've been avoided.
:'''Goemon:''' Lupin, work and women cannot co-exist peacefully.
:'''Lupin:''' You're too nit-picky. This is all part of my strategy. ''[puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Philosopher's Stone]''
:'''Jigen:''' You seem to have incredible brain power!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' The secret of eternal life and immortality, that Pharaoh and The First Emperor of the Qin Dynasty yearned for, are said to be locked inside the Philosopher's Stone. I see.
:'''Jigen:''' Huh. Is that the end of your resea...
:'''Lupin:''' You idiot! It's not like I enjoy doing this. I know very well that it is not just an ordinary stone. ''[passes the books to Goemon and Jigen]'' If you think I'm lying, read these yourselves.
:'''Goemon:''' You're being deceived.
:'''Jigen:''' I agree. ''[drinks from his wine glass]'' Lately Fujiko has been off her rocker.
:'''Goemon:''' As usual, it was just a waste of energy. ''[gets up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Bathroom?
:'''Goemon:''' I've had it. I'm going home.
:'''Lupin:''' Goemon.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' Do you think we can escape?
:'''Lupin:''' Maybe I'll go underground.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Goemon! Cool!
:''[Goemon slashes the helicopter's blades in midair; the action freezes for a moment as Goemon reflects on the unworthiness of Zantetsuken's latest victim]''
:'''Goemon:''' Once again, I slashed an unworthy object...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and the gang exit the manhole after the helicopter Goemon had slashed blows up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Compared to Goemon, we're not very cool!
:'''Jigen:''' They are no amateurs, you know.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata:''' ''[laughing as he plummets towards the water]'' What awesome power!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' Damn! We have a bold enemy now.
:'''Lupin:''' Well, our hideout is in ten kilometers or so. ''[Jigen looks at him incredulously. Lupin returns a defensive look]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]''
:'''Jigen:''' Weapons. Food. Everything's gone.
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, looks like it.
:'''Jigen:''' ''[kicking debris]'' Damn! Lupin! Cut your ties with that woman. I can't put up with this any longer! Fujiko must have tipped them off about our hideout. If you don't cut her off, I will cut you off!
:'''Lupin:''' Your joke's not funny.
:'''Goemon:''' Joke? I was thinking the same thing! It was a mistake to take a job from her to begin with. And then you and your stupid ego overlooked the hostility she showed to your kindness.
:'''Lupin:''' But then, women are evil spirits, right?
:'''Goemon:''' What I cannot forgive is your indecent ulterior motive!
:'''Jigen:''' Don't. Nothing could change that!
:'''Goemon:''' And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? If you were his true friend, you would have corrected his bad habit a long time ago!
:'''Jigen:''' Don't yell so hysterically, you lunatic!
:''[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]''
:'''Goemon:''' I've always wanted to chop up that hat of yours.
:'''Jigen:''' What did you say?
:'''Goemon:''' I always wondered if you were hiding a bald spot or something!
:'''Jigen:''' You wanna fight?
:'''Lupin:''' All right. All right! It was my fault. I'll change. I'll throw Fujiko out of my life! Let's change the mood and start over! You don't wanna starve to death here, do you?
:'''Jigen:''' Lupin, where do you think you're going?
:'''Lupin:''' If we climb the mountain and follow the border, we'll hit the Atlantic Ocean.
:'''Jigen:''' Idiot! Do you know how far that is?
:'''Lupin:''' It's only one hop with my fingers in the World Atlas.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hmph! What the hell? You were seducing me mercilessly. I know I can't be Alain Delon, you know. Oh, how disgusting. I can't stomach that mushy mumbo jumbo. ''[He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet]'' Well, I'm done eating. Now I'll resort to more aggressive means!
:''[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]'' 
:'''Fujiko:''' Lupin? Lupin! ''[She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle]'' I didn't know this medicine was so strong. ''[She takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on]'' Lupin, this is all for your own good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' ''[threatening Gordon]'' Is your name Flichin, the dangling penis?
:'''Gordon:''' No, it's not. It's Gordon. You're Mr. Jigen, aren't you?
:'''Jigen:''' Don't say my name so casually. Why have you been sneaking around?
:''[American soldiers surround Jigen and reveal they have apprehended Goemon]''
:'''Jigen:''' Goemon.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[takes Jigen's gun]'' Yes. Behave yourself and come with us.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' This is the respected U.S. Navy?
:'''Goemon:''' Unforgivable. This is way too unreal.
:'''Jigen:''' It might be us who are unreal.
:'''Gordon:''' Stand up! Here is Special Assistant to the President, Mr. Stuckey. ''[he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]''
:'''Goemon:''' What did he say?
:'''Jigen:''' He said... this is the guy who is manipulating the highest ranking top-dog in the world. Or so he says. ''[Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President [[Jimmy Carter]] and the Secretary General]''
:'''Secretary General:''' Mr. President, are the organizations of your country under control? I was blackmailed.
:'''US President:''' Secretary General...
:'''Secretary General:''' Our orders are to provide all scientific data in the area of biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics. If we refuse, they will attack us with nuclear missiles.
:'''US President:''' I was blackmailed the same way. We have proof that he's not bluffing. Some of our communication satellites have been destroyed.
:'''Secretary General:''' That is of no concern, as long as it's not caught.
:'''US President:''' I know that.
:'''Secretary General:''' Then that guy?
:'''Mamo:''' That's right. It is I, Mamo... ''[Stuckey stops the tape]''
:'''Stuckey:''' No explanation is needed regarding the two men conversing. What we want to know is who the mysterious blackmailer is who broke into the secure-line conversation. ''[he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]''
:'''Mamo:''' It is I, Mamo, the highest [[brain|intelligence]] on Earth. A [[prophet]]... Or you can call me [[God]].
:'''Secretary General:''' God? Are you insane?
:'''US President:''' Someone claiming to be God making such a strange request?
:'''Mamo:''' Request? This is an order. You would both understand if you knew how the world was made. ''[Gordon stops the tape]''
:'''Jigen:''' Keep going.
:'''Stuckey:''' The rest is classified. In any case, we find that his threat is not a bluff.
:'''Jigen:''' Is that so? ''[lights a cigarette] '' Well, this does not concern us.
:'''Stuckey:''' That's not true. What Mamo is requesting was stolen by Lupin. Let me get to the point. Where is Mamo's home base?
:'''Jigen:''' I have no idea.
:'''Gordon:''' Keeping secrets won't do you any good. You were always with Lupin. ''[Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin’s whereabouts]'' What's this?
:'''Jigen:''' It's a clue on Lupin. Handwritten by the woman who has been deceiving him. It says &quot;water,&quot; right?
:'''Gordon:''' What is this about?
:'''Jigen:''' If we knew, we wouldn't be here now.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Stuckey and Jigen backwards]'' Don't talk rubbish! ''[grabs Jigen by his shirt]'' There are many ways to torture you!
:'''Jigen:''' Is this what you call &quot;democracy&quot;? If that's the case, let me tell you something.
:'''Gordon:''' What's that?
:'''Jigen:''' I used to be a fan of [[Marilyn Monroe|Monroe]] and [[Humphrey Bogart]], but not anymore!
:'''Gordon:''' You bastard!
:'''Stuckey:''' Gordon. Looks like they really don't know anything. ''[whispers to Gordon, who opens a door]'' We will approach this from a different angle. You will be released immediately.
:'''Gordon:''' You'd better appreciate this democracy! ''[closes the door]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[straightening his jacket]'' Hmph. I don't need to change my mind now.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Excuse me. May I ask you something? ''[freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face, then bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic]'' Heil, Hitler! ''[relaxes after Hitler passes him by]'' What could this possibly mean?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Are you looking for something?
:'''Lupin:''' Are you the asylum director? I'd like to meet the party organizer.
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' This is neither a psychiatric ward nor a costume party. They're who they seem to be, Lupin. ''[turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]'' I am Mamo. I've received the Philosopher's Stone.
:'''Lupin:''' You're Fujiko's employer?
:'''Mamo:''' I didn't steal it myself, so that I could test your ability. I'm satisfied with the result. You're the greatest thief in history.
:'''Lupin:''' So what? I'm not in this business for you.
:'''Mamo:''' Not to forget your compensation... I'm thinking about giving you eternal life.
:'''Lupin:''' There you go. Nothing good comes from longevity, old buddy-boy.
:'''Mamo:''' It is unfortunate that you have such an aberrant way of thinking.
:'''Lupin:''' Stop your mumbling, and give me back the stone! ''[charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' Don't be shy, Lupin. Come on, catch me.
:'''Lupin:''' Crap! ''[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]'' I'm so sick of the trick with reinforced glass. So... ''[falls through an invisible hole]'' Ahh! ''[makes a hard landing on his rear end]'' Ouch! Ouch! ''[gets up as Mamo cackles at him]'' Where are you, Mamo? I'm gonna get you! Remember that!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata:''' Even if I have to sacrifice my own body like an oyster, I will put an end to Lupin's life.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin''': Now why don't we take time and enjoy?
:'''Fujiko''': Hold on. I have to tell you something important.
:'''Lupin''': Come on, come on. Why don't you?
:'''Fujiko''': ''[enjoying it]'' No, no.
:'''Lupin''': Come on.
:'''Fujiko''': Oh, no! Help me...
:''[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]''
:'''Lupin''': I'm losing control... 
:'''Fujiko''': Ah, I'm gonna tickle you! ''[tickles Lupin]''
:'''Lupin''': I'm ticklish... ticklish! I can't take it anymore, Fujiko! ''[Fujiko knees him in the crotch]'' Fujiko. Go along with me...
:'''Mamo''': ''[finally at the end of his rope]'' That's enough!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[chuckling]'' Your friends, Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, my. Guys...
:'''Mamo:''' And one more person...
:''[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning [[Laozi]] of his location]''
:'''Lupin:''' Pops, too? ''[laughs]'' Now things are getting wacky!
:'''Mamo:''' The fellow he's talking to is the ancient Chinese philosopher.
:'''Lupin:''' You mean a paranoid who believes he's...
:'''Mamo:''' He IS the real one!
:'''Lupin:''' Then he's a real nut?
:''[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]''
:'''Mamo:''' Listen carefully. This is my collection from the past 10,000 years. The most brilliant minds from every field... Politics, Philosophy, Religion, Art... I have held in storage. They still exist, as we speak. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Let me prophesize: [[w:Apocalypse|the world will come to an end within the next few days]]. But only those chosen by me will continue to live... eternally. Only those who are beautiful and brilliant will be given eternal life.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[apparently deep in thought]'' I see. So that's what it was... ''[chuckles, then laughs hysterically]''
:'''Mamo:''' What's so funny?
:'''Lupin:''' ''[still chuckling]'' Oh, my. Your play is highly artistic. You beat me! First immortality, then the end of the world? You're awesome. Awesome!
:'''Mamo:''' Ahh. This lack of intelligence, the stubbornness... Don't you see, Fujiko? This man doesn't deserve eternal life.
:''[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]''
:'''Mamo:''' Fujiko, only you should live forever.
:'''Fujiko:''' If Lupin and I are not together, no thanks.
:'''Mamo:''' Fujiko!
:'''Fujiko:''' Sure. I want eternal youth. But I don't want to live long and see an old and flabby Lupin.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The gang escape on the electric boat Jigen and Goemon had arrived in with an unconscious Lupin. Zenigata gets into a rowboat thinking it's attached.]''
:'''Zenigata:''' I've already prepared for a scenario like this. ''[a different rowboat is pulled along instead]'' Huh? Damn! Stupid mistake! Then I will... ''[as he starts rowing his boat manually, the bombs dropped by Gordon and Stuckey start falling around him]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inspector Zenigata and his Police Commissioner are eating in a Japanese restaurant in Colombia, Zenigata is rapidly eating a bowl of rice]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Mr. Zenigata... ''[Zenigata stops eating, surprised]'' eat slowly. Here's some pickled radish and marinated fish roe.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I'm so sorry. I haven't eaten lately.
:'''Commissioner:''' It must have been hard on you to be away from Japan for so long. You must have struggled so much with so little budget.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[upset]'' Commissioner. ''[chomps on a radish, crying]'' Commissioner. I really am so lucky to have a chief like you!
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[hands him a handkerchief]'' Your nose is running...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[blows his nose]'' You've taken such good care of me, but I haven't been able to arrest Lupin! I, Zenigata, will give my life to...
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, about that...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I'll nail him! I promise!
:'''Commissioner:''' You're off the case.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Huh?
:'''Commissioner:''' I've come all the way here to this God-forsaken town in Colombia to find you and order you off the Lupin case. It seems he is involved with a very important person. It's now a diplomatic affair on a global scale.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I don't quite understand what you mean...
:'''Commissioner:''' At any rate, this whole thing is way beyond us. Oh, I almost forgot. ''[hands a small document with Zenigata's name on it]'' Here's a special bonus from the Prime Minister. Wasn't your daughter's name Toshiko? She must have grown up by now. ''[chuckles]'' So let's fly back to Japan together.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I'm the only one who can catch him!
:'''Commissioner:''' Um... I know how you feel...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shouting]'' Chief! I insist!!
:'''Commissioner:''' It's an order!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[angrily growls]'' Damn! ''[tears up the bonus, and kicks away the table he and the Commissioner are eating at]'' Then I resign, Chief! I'll go after him as a private citizen! ''[he storms out of the restaurant to the surprise of the customers]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Mr. Zenigata!
:''[Inspector Zenigata stands on the outskirts of the city as the sun sets]'' 
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[narrating]'' He is definitely somewhere in South America. Lupin!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]'' That's awful. Everything was a lie.
:'''Lupin:''' Not necessarily. I'm certain that he was doing some research on immortality.
:'''Jigen:''' Don't be ridiculous. That's impossible.
:'''Lupin:''' Cloning.
:'''Jigen:''' Huh? What?
:'''Lupin:''' It's a recently honed human-manufacturing technology. By taking a cell from someone's hair or any part of one's body, and giving it a little twist, you can create an exact look-alike. If you repeat this process, the same individual could live for an infinite length of time.
:'''Jigen:''' If that is true, then the guy who was you and got executed was...
:'''Lupin:''' From a single hair, you can make a copy...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' History was created by my constant interference. Do you understand? Cloning was the passage to god status.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Pretty impressive. So do you mean to say that I was born thanks to you? 
:'''Mamo:''' ''[condescendingly]'' You are just an accidental child born from uncertainty. Now what happened to the copy I created of you for fun, so as to make your job easier? It might be the original you who was executed... 
:'''Lupin:''' You bastard! I am ''me'', the original Lupin the Third!
:'''Mamo:''' Think real hard...
:''[He disappears, laughing]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[raising his voice to a desperate yell]'' Don't go, Lupin!
:'''Lupin:''' I had my dream stolen. I have to go get it back.
:'''Jigen:''' Your dream is that woman?
:''[Lupin turns to Jigen and smiles]''
:'''Lupin:''' You are so traditional. You really are.
:''[Jigen's lips part in surprise. He stands in shock and watches Lupin go]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Yes. Even cloning has its limitations.
:'''Fujiko:''' Limitations?
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' The chromosomal data transfer is never 100 percent perfect, just as repeated copying makes the image blurry. Too much repetition of the cloning is distorting the cells. When I reached the 130th generation, I preserved myself as the original by putting myself in the Ringer's Solution. Since then, I've been a copy of a copy.
:'''Lupin:''' Then that makes you a defective product of Mamo.
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' Everything is for immortality. ''[dies]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' ''[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]'' You're not afraid of dying, are you? I'll tell you this: The one executed was the copy. You are, indeed, the original Lupin. Now that you have closure... die! ''[He sends a barrage of lasers at Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[in thought]'' Goemon, you saved me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Your persistence is most admirable. Wasn't I supposed to be dead?
:'''Zenigata:''' You idiot! Even if you die 100 times, that's not the point. As long as a Lupin exists, I'm obliged to pursue him.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Lupin]''
:'''Lupin:''' Aye-yi-yi. She's awful.
:'''Zenigata:''' ''[laughing]'' That's how women are.
:''[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]''
:'''Lupin:''' Pops!
:'''Zenigata:''' So, let's get away for now!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[watching Lupin and Zenigata retreat, anklecuffed]'' They're getting along well.
:'''Jigen:''' Wherever he goes, he'll be chased.

==Dialogue - Toho/Frontier dub==
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[opening narration]'' The Coroner's Report came through on the Telex from Transylvania. They had done an autopsy and claimed that there is no doubt whatsoever that the executed man was... the real Lupin III. But... I was one detective who refused to believe it. I had to see for myself.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[laughs as he lifts the casket lid]'' Lupin! Trying to live forever, by doing the same thing as Count Dracula! You've gone too far this time; there are limits to everything! Ah! ''[stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]''
:'''Lupin:''' Mr. Ed Scott, the same old menacing detective!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Lupin! Lupin! Don't you know you're supposed to be dead?!
:'''Lupin:''' So it seems, and that's what's been troubling me.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' This man is definitely the real Lupin III! I'm positive of it!
:'''Lupin:''' You make it sound simple. So, what's going to happen to me now?
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' I want to be sure you're dead! ''[swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Detective Scott catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]''
:'''Lupin:''' Old Man! You'll have to tell me all your troubles some other time! ''[takes off, chuckling]'' Take care, now!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' That bum! That rat! He's the real one, all right! So he's still alive, really and truly alive! ''[laughs]'' I won't die until I get him! I'll never give up! I'll follow you down to Hell, and I'll engrave my name on all your stupid bones!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' You think I touched it?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Not good. Let's hurry.
:'''Lupin:''' How can you hurry through all this? ''[Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.]'' 80 centimeter width.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' OK. ''[Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.]'' Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' Huh?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' What about that execution?
:'''Lupin:''' Well, you see, the one who they executed... was probably the real me.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' I don't like to hear weird stories like that.
:'''Lupin:''' Neither do I. This whole thing begins to make me think I'm not real! Anyway, I'll fix that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' First Unit takes the south level! The Second and Third Guard Units will take the north passage!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Detective Scott, on what authority are you giving or...?
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[shoving his megaphone into the Egyptian police chief's face]'' You'd better have faith in my sixth sense! ''[climbs on top of the nearest vehicle]'' I know Lupin's in there! Forward! Charge!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Accept your fate, Lupin! You'll never escape from this level! Close off all exits! What are you doing standing here? Ah! Lupin is right down here! Switch on the lights!
:''[as the lights turn on, Detective Scott is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Well, I see your sixth sense really did work.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' And what does this mean?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' ''[taken aback]'' What's that?
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Unless I give them the order, no one is to do any shooting!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Enough is enough!
:''[the Egyptian police chief and Detective Scott start wrestling]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Interfering with the affairs of my country...!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[unintelligible]''
:''[Lupin and Dan Dunn approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]''
:'''Egyptian Police Officer:''' It's Lupin!
:''[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Detective Scott and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' There goes Lupin! Fire! FIRE!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside with a triumphant laugh]'' You're trapped, Lupin! That's the only passage leading up!
:''[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Dan Dunn nearly loses his fedora]''
:'''Lupin:''' You sure are the classic type. Why don't you take that hat off for a change?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don't be silly! I can't take the hat off, it happens to be my trademark!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Samurai, don't scare me.
:'''Don Samurai:''' Hurry up.
:''[Lupin and Dan Dunn notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hohohoho! Here they come!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Lupin, don't try to escape! There's no way out!
:''[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]''
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Trying to be tricky, huh? ''[the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Detective Scott giving chase by foot]''
:'''Lupin:''' Old Man, strenuous exercise is bad for your health!
:''[Detective Scott continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]''
:'''Lupin:''' Take good care of yourself!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]'' Lupin... ''[finally explodes in a rage after a moment]'' Lupin! If you think Detective Ed Scott is giving up, you're badly mistaken! I'll fix you! Lupin!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Margo]''
:'''Margo:''' ''[gasps]'' Lupin? It's Lupin!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[melodramatic]'' You're so beautiful, Margo!
:'''Margo:''' ''[chuckling]'' Stop joking now, Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]'' You think I'm joking? The soft breeze of Paris must have melted my callous heart. ''[smells the rose]'' I thought I made myself extremely conspicuous tonight.
:'''Margo:''' ''[chuckling]'' I can see that. You look very nice.
:'''Lupin:''' O, the fragrant flower! You are like a rose.
:'''Margo:''' How old-fashioned!
:'''Lupin:''' Even the pain of thy thorns gives great pleasure... to the love in my heart. O Margo!
:'''Margo:''' Enough of that stupid act. Let's get down to business now.
:'''Lupin:''' Can she be so hard?! ''[throws the rose away]'' You really do have a lot of thorns, don't you?
:'''Margo:''' I am in a hurry. Or perhaps, Lupin, you mean...
:'''Lupin:''' Don't be hasty. Look here...
:''[Margo’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Wiseman Stone]''
:'''Margo:''' Ah, Lupin, you did it!
:''[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Margo]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hold it! Ah-ah-ah! How come you got all enthusiastic so suddenly? Ah, life is a bore. How worthless and stupid it all is! Talking Dan Dunn into helping me, and going through all kinds of trouble to get it, and look at your attitude! Or maybe, Margo, you made some kind of a deal with somebody else for this? Well, the deal was not to ask you questions, but now you must keep your part of the deal and keep your date with me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Margo goes supposedly awry]''
:'''Lupin:''' She sure floored me that time! I still feel a little dizzy...
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Serves you right for being a playboy. If you had grabbed her in the beginning, we wouldn't have wasted our time!
:'''Don Samurai:''' Lupin, women and business are not compatible.
:'''Lupin:''' Stop trying to find fault with me! It was all calculated from the start! ''[puts on the headphones Dan Dunn had given him as Dunn searches for the signal planted on the Wiseman Stone]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Huh. What a fantastic brain.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' The Pharaohs said that eternal life, the dream of perpetual youth which the Emperor Xi searched for, is concealed in the Wiseman Stone, which has been handed down from time immemorial. Hm, I see.
:'''Don Samurai:''' Hm.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Have you finished with your history lesson?
:'''Lupin:''' Don't be funny! I'm not studying 'cause I like it! You know that stone is not just a simple little pebble, don't you? ''[passes the books to Don Samurai and Dan Dunn]'' Ah, if you don't believe me, read it for yourself.
:'''Don Samurai:''' Someone's pulling our leg.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' I guess so. ''[drinks from his wine glass]'' Margo's getting smarter.
:'''Don Samurai:''' That's nothing unusual, it's just wasted time. ''[gets up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Toilet?
:'''Don Samurai:''' Don't you try my patience! I'm leaving!
:'''Lupin:''' Samurai...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dan Dunn:''' I guess this is going to be the end.
:'''Lupin:''' Then we might as well go underground!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Hey! Samurai!
:''[Don Samurai slashes the helicopter's blades in midair; the action freezes for a moment as Don Samurai reflects on the unworthiness of Zantetsuken's latest victim]''
:'''Don Samurai:''' Once again, I've cut a worthless object.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and the gang exit the manhole after the helicopter Don Samurai had slashed blows up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Compared to him, we're stumblebums!
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah... he's real different!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Ed Scott''': ''[laughing as he plummets towards the water]'' Did you see that driving power?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Huh, that's some enemy we have!
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, our nest is only ten kilometers from here. ''[Dan Dunn looks at him incredulously. Lupin returns a defensive look]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' The weapons and food are all gone.
:'''Lupin:''' Thanks a lot; I can see that.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' ''[kicking debris, grunting angrily]'' Lupin! Forget that woman. This is it. I've had enough; I've reached my limit! And it must have been Margo who told them about this place of ours! If you don’t drop her, I'm getting out of this deal right now!
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, stop joking.
:'''Don Samurai:''' Joking? I thought you were the one who was joking! It was a mistake to take this job from a female. And then, out of sheer vanity, you decided to accept evil in return for good!
:'''Lupin:''' You mean all females have a wicked nature?
:'''Don Samurai:''' The thing I can't stand is that secret, indecent intention of yours!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Forget it. That's one thing you can never cure.
:'''Don Samurai:''' And just what are you to Lupin? If you were a true friend, you should have cured his immoral habit years ago!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don't get hysterical, you crazy man!
:''[a standoff between Don Samurai and Dunn ensues]''
:'''Don Samurai:''' I've been wanting to cut that hat of yours.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Hmm? What's that mean?
:'''Don Samurai:''' I want to see if you're hiding a bald head!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Well, now! Wanna fight?
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, all right, all right! I realized I was wrong! I'll reform, I'll reform! I promise I'll drop Margo like a hot potato! Now, let's change the mood and leave! You don't want to stay here and starve, do you?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Lupin, where are you going?
:'''Lupin:''' If we go over that mountain along the border, we'll get to the Atlantic Ocean.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Idiot! That's more than 100 kilometers!
:'''Lupin:''' It's just the width of a finger on one of those world maps!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin finishes the dinner while Margo (Fujiko) sleeps]''
:'''Lupin''': Some fun! Some fun! After leading me into temptation like that! It's just too bad that I'm not Alain Delon! Oh, how disgusting. I didn't know that a girl like you was just all talk! ''[He finishes the food, then throws down the pan. He grabs a hatchet]'' I finished eating. Now's the time to appeal to my true violent nature. Here I come!
:''[He slashes at the door and breaks it down. He looks at Margo with a lecherous expression and bounds in, then jumps out of his underwear. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting hazy. He lands face down on the ground beside Margo, completely naked]''
:'''Margo''': ''[gently shaking him]'' Lupin! Lupin, get up! ''[She realizes she can't wake him up and holds up the medicine bottle]'' I didn't know that drug was so effective. ''[Lupin lets out a stertorous exhale. Margo gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on]'' Lupin, I'm doing all this for your sake, you know. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dan Dunn:''' ''[threatening Gordon]'' And you must be the one called Flintstone?
:'''Gordon:''' No, you're wrong. My name is Gordon. You must be Dan Dunn?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don't bandy my name about! And what do you want, tailing me like this?
:''[American soldiers surround Dan Dunn and reveal they have apprehended Don Samurai]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don Samurai?
:'''Gordon:''' ''[takes Dan Dunn's gun]'' Well, you'd better come quietly.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dan Dunn:''' So, this is the genuine American navy?
:'''Don Samurai:''' It's stupid. This is too unrealistic.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' You and me are the things that are unrealistic.
:'''Gordon:''' Stand up! Special Presidential Aide, Mr. Gissinger! ''[he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds] ''
:'''Don Samurai:''' What did he say?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' He said... this guy's the mastermind for the biggest man in the world! ''[Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President [[Jimmy Carter]] and the Secretary General]''
:'''Secretary General:''' Mr. President. Do you really have good control of your government? Do you realize I'm being blackmailed?
:'''US President:''' Blackmailed?
:'''Secretary General:''' I am to supply all secret technical data on biochemistry, cytology, gene technology... and if I refuse, they’ll attack with an atomic missile. 
:'''US President:''' I've been threatened the same way. And to prove that they really mean it, they've already destroyed several of our communication satellites!
:'''Secretary General:''' I must remind you that it has nothing to do with us.
:'''US President:''' I do realize it.
:'''Secretary General:''' Then, do you think that man is...?
:'''Mamaux:''' That's right. It is I, Mamaux! ''[Gissinger stops the tape]''
:'''Gissinger:''' It is not necessary to explain to you who these people are. We are interested only in the blackmailer who broke in on the hotline… when they were having a secret conversation. ''[he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]''
:'''Mamaux:''' That's right. It is I, Mamaux! The greatest [[brain]] in the world. A [[prophet]]... or you may call me [[God]]!
:'''US President:''' God?! You must be insane!
:'''Secretary General:''' For one who calls himself God, your requests are pretty weird...
:'''Mamaux:''' Requests? This is an order. If you really know what is going on in the world right now, you should know better than this. ''[Gordon stops the tape]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Let's hear the rest.
:'''Gissinger:''' Hm? That's enough. The rest is much too sensitive. We are positive that this man really means what he says.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Is that right? '' [lights a cigarette] '' Well, anyway... it's got nothing to do with us.
:'''Gissinger:''' Ah, but it does. Most of the things that Mamaux demands from us was stolen by that man Lupin. The bottom line: we want to know where Mamaux is!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' I have no idea at all.
:'''Gordon:''' Your hiding won't do you any good! You men have always been working together with that thief Lupin! ''[Dan hands him Margo’s clue to Lupin’s whereabouts] '' What is this?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' A clue to find Lupin. It’s written by Lupin's double-crossing girlfriend, and it reads &quot;water&quot;.
:'''Gordon:''' What does that mean?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' If I knew that, neither of us'd be here!
:'''Gordon:''' ''[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Dan Dunn backwards] '' Stop kidding me! '' [grabs Dan by his shirt] '' There are many ways that we can torture you!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Is that the way you operate democracy?! Well, then, I've got news for you!
:'''Gordon:''' What news?
:'''Dan Dunn:''' I ''was'' a fan of [[Marilyn Monroe]] and [[Humphrey Bogart]]... but not anymore!
:'''Gordon:''' Why, you...!
:'''Gissinger:''' Gordon! These two, they know nothing. ''[whispers to Gordon, who opens a door]'' We will approach this problem from a different angle. You will be released immediately.
:'''Gordon:''' Be grateful to democracy! ''[closes the door]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' ''[straightening his jacket]'' Hm... I didn't have to give up Humphrey Bogart!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Uh, excuse me, but could you... huh? ''[freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face, then bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic]'' Heil Hitler! ''[relaxes after Hitler passes him by]'' Well, now! You never know these days...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamaux:''' And are you looking for something?
:'''Lupin:''' You're the head doctor? I'd like to find the host of this party.
:'''Mamaux:''' ''[laughs]'' This is not a mental hospital, and we are not having a costume ball, either. These are all the actual people, just as you see them here, Lupin. ''[turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]'' I am Mamo. I now have the Wiseman Stone.
:'''Lupin:''' You're Margo's client?
:'''Mamaux:''' The reason I didn't take the Stone personally was that I wanted to know ''you''. I'm satisfied with the result. You are the greatest thief on the face of the Earth.
:'''Lupin:''' I already know that, but I'm not working for you, and I never will!
:'''Mamaux:''' I haven't forgotten your compensation. I intend to give you the greatest gift of eternal life.
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, come off it! There's nothing good about living so long, you degenerated kid!
:'''Mamaux:''' I do feel sorry for your foolish extra-un-ordinary conceptions.
:'''Lupin:''' Stop using those big words! Just give me back the stone! ''[charges at Mamaux and almost falls off the platform]''
:'''Mamaux:''' ''[laughs]'' Don't be so timid now.
:'''Lupin:''' Damn! ''[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]'' This trick with the hard glass is old stuff now! Just give me the... ''[falls screaming through an invisible hole and makes a hard landing on his rear end]'' Ouch, that smarts! ''[gets up as Mamo cackles at him]'' Where are you, Mamaux? This time, you got me really angry, you know! I'LL FIX YOU!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Scott:''' Even if I have to disguise myself as an oyster, I'm determined to put an end to Lupin.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Ah, it's time for us to have a little fun!
:'''Margo:''' No, wait, you! I've got something to tell you.
:'''Lupin:''' Come on, you don't mind, do you? The time is ripe.
:'''Margo:''' ''[enjoying it]'' No!
:'''Lupin:''' Darling...
:'''Margo:''' No! Someone help me...
:''[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamaux's throne room. Mamaux stares at them, outraged]''
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, I don't think it's possible to behave now! ''[Margo tickles Lupin]'' Oh, that's ticklish! Oh, I've gotten to the point of no return, Margo! You've got to do something! ''[Margo knees him in the crotch]'' Do something, Margo, come on!
:'''Mamaux:''' ''[finally at the end of his rope]'' NOW, BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mamaux shows Lupin and Margo surveillance footage of Dan Dunn and Don Samurai]''
:'''Mamaux:''' ''[chuckling]'' I believe your friends have arrived.
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, it's them!
:'''Mamaux:''' And one more person...
:''[Detective Scott, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning [[Laozi]] of his location]''
:'''Lupin:''' Even the old shamus! ''[laughs]'' This is getting crazier and crazier!
:'''Mamaux:''' The man who's entertaining him right now is an ancient Chinese philosopher.
:'''Lupin:''' You mean he’s paranoiac and thinks he is...
:'''Mamaux:''' No, he's the real one!
:'''Lupin:''' You mean a real nut?
:''[Mamaux shows them images of the people he has cloned]''
:'''Mamaux:''' Listen carefully. It took me 10,000 years to collect them. Politics, religion, philosophy, art. I preserved the most brilliant men in history from every field, and right now they still exist here. Have you ever thought about the end of the world? Well, here's a prophecy: in but a few more days, [[w:Apocalypse|the world will come to an end]]. Only those chosen by me will live... for eternity. Only... beautiful and superior things can obtain eternal life from me.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[apparently deep in thought]'' Now I get it. So that's it... ''[chuckles, then laughs hysterically]''
:'''Mamaux:''' What's so funny?!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[still chuckling]'' Oh, very artistic and original drama! I give you credit! The gift of eternal life, followed by the destruction of the world! Oh, that's very good!
:'''Mamaux:''' Ah, how ignorant and stubborn he is! You see what I mean, Margo? This man does not have the type of brain that should live throughout eternity.
:''[Margo is put off by Mamaux's statement]''
:'''Mamaux:''' Margo, it will only be you who will have eternal life.
:'''Margo:''' Well, if I can't be with Lupin, then I don't want it.
:'''Mamaux:''' Margo!
:'''Margo:''' Oh, I'd like to have eternal youth... but I don't want to stay around and see Lupin as a shrivelled-up old man.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The gang escape on the electric boat Dan Dunn and Don Samurai had arrived in with an unconscious Lupin. Detective Scott gets into a rowboat thinking it's attached.]''
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' I expected this might happen, so I'm well-prepared in advance! [a different rowboat is pulled along instead] Huh? Oh, what did I do? What a blunder! Well, there's nothing else to do... [as he starts rowing his boat manually, the bombs dropped by Gordon and Gissinger start falling around him] OH, NO!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Detective Scott and his Police Commissioner are eating in a Japanese restaurant in Colombia, Scott is rapidly eating a bowl of rice]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Detective Scott... ''[Scott stops eating, surprised]'' Eat slowly now. Have some pickled radishes.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Thank you for bringing me here, but couldn't we have gone somewhere and had a steak?
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, I thought that this would be a... special treat for you. On your expense account, you could never go to a restaurant like this!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[upset]'' Yah! ''[chomps on a radish, crying]'' Commissioner! I am... I really am... fortunate... to have a chief like you!
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[hands him a handkerchief]'' Your nose is running.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[blows his nose]'' I'm sorry, being treated so kindly by you, and not being able to catch Lupin... but I'll get him, even if it costs my life!
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, about that...
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' I'll get that thief!
:'''Commissioner:''' No, forget about him.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Wha...?
:'''Commissioner:''' The reason I came such a long way to this little town in Colombia... was to order you to stop pursuing Lupin. He's got something to do with a very important man now. It's international... no, it... concerns the whole universe!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' I'm afraid... I don't quite get what you mean.
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, anyway, the Lupin case is way above our level. Oh, that's right! ''[hands a small document with Scott’s &quot;name&quot; on it]'' Here's a special bonus for all the trouble you went through. ''[chuckles]'' You've been a way for a long time now, and your daughter has grown up. Now I came to take you back home with me.
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' I happen to be the only one who can capture Lupin.
:'''Commissioner:''' Oh... well, I appreciate how you feel...
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[shouting]'' Commissioner, I won't give up!
:'''Commissioner:''' That's an order!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[angrily growls]'' Damn! ''[tears up the bonus, and kicks away the table he and the Commissioner are eating at]'' I resign! I'll go after him on my own! I'll get that Lupin! ''[he storms out of the restaurant to the surprise of the customers] ''
:'''Commissioner:''' Detective Scott!
:''[Detective Scott stands on the outskirts of the city as the sun sets]'' 
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[narrating]'' Positive Lupin's hiding ''somewhere'' here in South America...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margo:''' '' [referring to Mamaux's promise of eternal life]'' Oh, terrible! Everything he said was a lie.
:'''Lupin:''' Not all of it. It's true that he's trying to find a way to avoid death.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don't be stupid. You know that's impossible.
:'''Lupin:''' A clone, you know.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Oh, a clone!
:'''Lupin:''' It's a scientific method used to make an exact copy of a human being. They only need a single hair; anyway, all they need is one cell to fiddle around with; to make a perfect look-alike. If you go on repeating that process, one man could go on living, forever and ever!
:'''Dan Dunn:''' If what you say is true, then the one who was executed...
:'''Lupin:''' All you need is a single hair... to make a perfect look-alike...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamaux:''' History was made by my continuous interference. Understand? A clone was the passage to God!
:'''Lupin:''' What a man! So my being born was also some of your doing?
:'''Mamaux:''' ''[chuckles]'' You are nothing but an animal given birth by an absurdity! And to help make your work easier for you, I made an exact copy of you - and I wonder what happened to it? The man who was executed could have been the original Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' Don't talk stupid! I am what I am: the genuine Lupin III!
:'''Mamaux:''' I would think about it if I were you!
:''[He disappears, laughing]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dan Dunn tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamaux]''
:'''Dan Dunn:''' Don't go, Lupin!
:'''Lupin:''' Well... y'know, he stole my dream. I've got to get it back.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' You mean that woman, don't you?
:'''Lupin:''' You sure are the classic type - completely hopeless.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamaux:''' So... even a clone has its limitations.
:'''Margo:''' Limitations?
:'''Older Mamaux Clone:''' The transfer of chromosome information has not been exactly 100% complete. As you repeat the copying process, the image begins to fade... the endless clone chain reaction has been disturbing the cell system. For 130 generations, I have preserved my original body in all its exact detail by floating it in a special Ringer's Solution. Since then, my bodies have all been copies of a copy.
:'''Lupin:''' You mean that... you're an inferior quality Mamaux?
:'''Older Mamaux Clone:''' All this is for the sake of immortality... ''[dies]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamaux''': ''[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]'' It seems you do not fear death. All right, then I will tell you. It was your copy who was executed. You are, indeed, the original Lupin. Now, die with peace of mind! ''[He sends a barrage of lasers at Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]''
:'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' Samurai, you saved my life.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' I admire your persistence, but I thought you thought I'd finally been executed and buried?
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Stupid! I don't care if you die 100 times or more, it's of no importance! As long as there's a man called Lupin, it's my duty as a detective to pursue him day and night!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Margo has escaped on Dan Dunn's plane instead of Lupin]''
:'''Lupin:''' Ah, no no no no! This is no way!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' ''[laughing]'' Women are all like that!
:''[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]''
:'''Lupin:''' Old man!
:'''Detective Ed Scott:''' Yeah, let's get out of here!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margo:''' ''[watching Lupin and Detective Ed Scott retreat, anklecuffed]'' They sure get along well.
:'''Dan Dunn:''' He's always being chased, no matter where he is.

==Dialogue - Streamline dub==
:'''Coroner:''' ''[typed out]'' Post mortem complete. 
:Subject is identified as
:Lupin III aka &quot;Wolf&quot;. 
:Probability of error - Zero.
:But...
:Nobody's Perfect...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[opening narration]'' The Coroner's Report came over the Telex from Transylvania. They'd performed an autopsy on the prisoner they'd hanged. Fingerprints... dental records... the whole ball of wax. The report left no doubt whatsoever that the dead man was the real... Lupin... the Third. But I wasn't buying it... not until I'd seen his cold, stiff body with my own eyes.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[chuckles as he lifts the casket lid]'' Who do you think you are, Count Dracula? Well, I read the book, and Dracula gets his in the end, just like you're gonna get yours. Here! Let me treat you a nice &quot;stake&quot; dinner! ''[stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. He recognizes a very alive Lupin]'' MY!
:'''Lupin:''' Why, Detective Zenigata! Long time no see, Old Man.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Lupin! You're dead! Wait a second, that stiff in the coffin, that was you, right?!
:'''Lupin:''' So they say. I'm a little confused myself.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' They guaranteed that you were deader than a doornail! There wasn't a shadow of a doubt!
:'''Lupin:''' It's news to me. Frankly, I've never felt better in my life.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Well, just hold still a second and we can fix that! ''[swings a piece of wood at Lupin, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Zenigata catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hate to cut this short, but dead or alive, I think it's time I got out of here. ''[takes off, chuckling]'' Now don't forget to write!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Ya little...! I'll be writing &quot;rest in peace&quot; on your tombstone when I'm done with you! That lousy little thief, I knew he was still alive! ''[laughs]'' You had everyone else falling for it! Not Zenigata; this is one detective you can't shake that easily! This is one guy who's gonna dog your every step to the very gates of Hell!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Uh, did we touch it?
:'''Jigen:''' Afraid so. We better hurry.
:'''Lupin:''' You know you can't just hurry through a setup like this. ''[Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.]'' Give me 80 centimeters.
:'''Jigen:''' Right. ''[Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.]'' Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' What now?
:'''Jigen:''' So who was that guy they hanged in Transylvania anyway?
:'''Lupin:''' Well, it was me. That's what all the evidence says. He had my DNA, my fingerprints, everything.
:'''Jigen:''' I hate hearing weird stuff like that.
:'''Lupin:''' You and me both. It's enough to shake a guy's confidence. At the rate we're going, I'm starting to wonder if maybe he ''was'' the real Lupin.
:'''Jigen:''' Now you tell me...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' All right! The first unit takes the north passage! The rest of you take the south portal in case he tries to make a run for it!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Not so fast, Detective Zenigata! Who put ''you'' in command?
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shoving his megaphone into the Egyptian police chief's face]'' Stay out of my way! I've got a job to do here! ''[climbs on top of the nearest vehicle]'' Lupin's in there! I can smell him! Forward, men! Charge! Go! Go! Go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Give it up, Lupin! We've got the whole pyramid surrounded! Go that way! Seal the exits! Hop to it! Hit those lights!
:''[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Well, seems you were right after all.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Hey, what's with all the guns?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' ''[taken aback]'' What do you mean?
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Listen, I want that little rat taken alive! No shooting, is that understood?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Is that so?
:''[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' I do not take orders...!
:''[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Who do you think you are?
:'''Egyptian Police Officer:''' He's coming!
:''[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' What are you waiting for, you sons of goats? FIRE!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]'' Not so fast, we got him just where we want him! There's no way down from up there!
:''[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]''
:'''Lupin:''' Too bad. I thought we'd finally seen the last of that mangy fedora of yours.
:'''Jigen:''' What are you talking about? The hat's my trademark, kinda like you and your bad haircut!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' What the...? GOEMON!
:'''Goemon:''' I suggest we hurry.
:''[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]''
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, I see your point.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' There's no way out, wise guy! You're surrounded!
:''[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Oh no, here we go again...! ''[the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]''
:'''Lupin:''' Take it easy! You wouldn't want a sunstroke, Detective, not at your age!
:''[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he steps into a sand trap in his path]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' What the...?! ''[falls in]''
:'''Lupin:''' Well, it looks like you found some shade! Catch you later!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]'' You dirty rat! ''[finally explodes in a rage after a moment]'' I know I've said this before, but don't think you've seen the last of me! Wherever you go, I'll track you down, and when I do, it ain't gonna be pretty!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko, who gasps]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[melodramatic, clears his throat]'' My love is like [[w:A red, red rose|a red, red rose]]!
:'''Fujiko:''' Lupin!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[in a mock English accent]'' [[Romeo and Juliet|A rose is a rose by any other name would smell as sweet]]!
:'''Fujiko:''' What is this, English lit. 101?
:'''Lupin:''' ''[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit, clears his throat]'' How like a rose thou art! Oh, your beauty dazzles my eyes! Your thorns pierce my heart! ''[smells the rose, changes back to his normal accent]'' And that stuff didn't come out of any book, by the way. I made that part up all by myself.
:'''Fujiko:''' Don't give up your day job, okay? Shouldn't we get down to business?
:'''Lupin:''' ''[in an uncharacteristically deep voice]'' I long to undress thee Fujiko petal by petal...
:'''Fujiko:''' Great. Now it's getting obscene.
:'''Lupin:''' I long to plant thee in my garden of love, water thee with my tears, and fertilize thee with my kisses, Fujiko!
:'''Fujiko:''' Enough of the fertilizer, Lupin. Get that bud out of my face before I plant it.
:'''Lupin:''' So typical of the materialistic modern woman. ''[throws the rose away]'' All they want is expensive jewelry.
:'''Fujiko:''' All I want is what we agreed to. ''[gasps]'' What are you babbling about? Did you find the gemstone?!
:'''Lupin:''' Does Santa Claus wear a red suit?
:''[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the [[w:Philosopher’s Stone|Philosopher’s Stone]]]''
:'''Fujiko:''' That's it, all right. Hand it over!
:''[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[tutting]'' Fujiko! You cut me to the quick! I can't believe how unromantic you are! I mean, I risked my life to bring you this bauble, not to mention expenses! And what do I get in return for all my toil and trouble? &quot;Hand it over.&quot; Tell me, who's the pebble for, anyway? I assume you're acting for someone else, right? So don't tell me. It doesn't really matter. The fact remains that your part of the bargain was to go on a date with me, remember?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]''
:'''Lupin:''' You know, deep down I think that woman is crazy about me.
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah, I'm sure that's why she double-crossed you. Good thing we double-crossed her first...
:'''Goemon:''' Lupin, the road to Hell is paved with pretty women.
:'''Lupin:''' What's the matter with you, Goemon? Did your mom drop you when you were a baby or something? ''[puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Philosopher's Stone]''
:'''Jigen:''' Shut up. I'm trying to pick up the transmitter's signal.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' According to ancient Egyptian texts, the Pharaohs believed that the secret of eternal youth was contained in the legendary... Philosopher's Stone, a jewel for which men have searched since time immemorial.
:'''Jigen:''' Heh. If you buy that, I've got some Siberian beachfront property on sale.
:'''Lupin:''' I know it's nuts, but someone believes it! That's why Fujiko wanted it so bad. ''[passes the books to Goemon and Jigen]'' Here, take a look. It's all in there.
:'''Goemon:''' The woman is pulling your leg, Lupin.
:'''Jigen:''' He'd rather she pull something else. ''[drinks from his wine glass]''
:'''Goemon:''' This is pointless. We watch sparrows while eagles pass overhead. ''[gets up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Come again?
:'''Goemon:''' This business is unworthy of me.
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, come on!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' Ever thought of driving something less conspicuous?
:'''Lupin:''' Don't blame the car, they're following that hat of yours!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Goemon! I knew you couldn't stay away!
:''[Goemon slashes the helicopter's blades in midair; the action freezes for a moment as Goemon reflects on the unworthiness of Zantetsuken's latest victim]''
:'''Goemon:''' Once again... I defile my blade on an unworthy object.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and the gang exit the manhole after the helicopter Goemon had slashed blows up]''
:'''Jigen:''' At least we're alive...
:'''Lupin:''' NO THANKS TO YOU!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata''': ''[laughing nervously as he plummets towards the water]'' What am ''I'' laughing about?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen''': These guys are sure persistent.
:'''Lupin''': We'll just have to reach our hideout. It's only about twenty kilometers from here. ''[Jigen looks at him incredulously. Lupin returns a defensive look]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]''
:'''Jigen:''' No weapons, no food, no nothing. They must have got here first.
:'''Lupin:''' No kidding. So you don't think it was termites?
:'''Jigen:''' ''[kicking debris]'' Look. It's obvious what happened. We know who must have told them about this place – a certain redhead with a motorcycle and a skin-tight black leather jumpsuit on! She’s nothing but bad luck; either you dump her or you can count me out.
:'''Lupin:''' Will you give it a rest?!
:'''Goemon:''' It is you who should give it a rest, Lupin. This infantile need to prove your virility is humiliating to behold... and dangerous. Your lust for this creature has blinded you to her true nature.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[sighing]'' You're jealous. Both of you.
:'''Goemon:''' I warn you – abandon these indecent cravings for the sake of your soul.
:'''Jigen:''' Save it. You'll never change him by preaching at him, Goemon.
:'''Goemon:''' And you. What kind of friend are you, Jigen? You just encourage him. You treat it as some kind of joke. You're worse than he is.
:'''Jigen:''' Hey, I don't have to listen to this!
:''[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]''
:'''Goemon:''' Be careful I don't sink my blade into that hat of yours.
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah? You just try it.
:'''Goemon:''' On second thought, I'd probably hit solid rock.
:'''Jigen:''' That does it!
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, now! Hold on! Calm down! You're right, you're right! Fujiko is history, okay? I'll drop her, I swear. And that's a fact! No more women, okay? So let's head for the coast. Unless you'd rather stay here and starve to death!
:'''Jigen:''' No, but how are we going to get there? Huh? ''[Lupin ignores him]'' Lupin, the coast is 100 kilometers from here!
:'''Lupin:''' It's a couple of inches on the map, that's all. How long can that take us?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]''
:'''Lupin''': Oh, this is great. Just terrific! Acting like it's all my fault. 'Scuse me, lady, but you were the one who started it! &quot;Oh, at last, we're all alone together, just you and me.&quot; What was I supposed to think, you wanted to play Chinese checkers? ''[He eats the last of the food, then throws the pan to the ground and grabs a hatchet]'' Finished dinner... Now I could use a little strawberry tart for dessert.
:''[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down. He jumps into Fujiko's room, giggling gleefully, and dives out of his underwear, into the air, in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy]'' Oh... dear. 
:''[He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude]''
:'''Fujiko''': Lupin? ''[She gently shakes him]'' Lupin! Oh, I hope I didn't give him too much. ''[She picks up a medicine bottle]'' Boy, these drops work even faster than I thought. ''[Lupin begins to snore softly]'' He'll never trust ''my'' cooking again. 
:''[She gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on]''
:'''Mamo''': ''[over the transmitter]'' Fujiko, my lovely. Done so soon?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' ''[threatening Gordon]'' Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but I got this thing about being followed.
:'''Gordon:''' I'm Special Agent Gordon, and I'm warning you, Jigen, take it easy; you're in way over your head.
:'''Jigen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Really? You don't say? Aww.
:''[American soldiers surround Jigen and reveal they have apprehended Goemon]''
:'''Jigen:''' On the other hand...
:'''Gordon:''' ''[takes Jigen's gun]'' Yeah. People are waiting; we don't want to be late.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' All this just to bag the two of us. Boy, with the Cold War over, things must be pretty slow.
:'''Goemon:''' We can thank Lupin for getting us into this.
:'''Jigen:''' Life'd sure be dull without him, wouldn't it?
:'''Gordon:''' Stand up! You're in the presence of a very important government official! ''[he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds] ''
:'''Goemon:''' I stand for no one.
:'''Jigen:''' Me neither, not even for Heinrich Gissinger, Special Adviser to--and the brains behind--the President of the United States. ''[Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President [[Bill Clinton]] and Russian President [[Boris Yeltsin]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;''
:'''Boris:''' Mr. President, my country's being blackmailed. I hope your government is not at fault.
:'''US President:''' Now calm down, Boris. That's ridiculous.
:'''Boris:''' Whoever it is demands that we hand over all of our secret scientific data on cryogenics and gene splicing. If we do not, he threatens to attack us with nuclear warheads!
:'''US President:''' Well, he's not one of ours. We've been threatened the same way. In fact, he's already knocked out two of our communication satellites!
:'''Boris:''' You do not think that ''we''...
:'''US President:''' No, no. The Cold War's over, after all. Isn't it, Boris?
:'''Boris:''' Oh... why, yes it is. Of course! But who is this madman?
:'''Mamo:''' If I may, gentlemen... I am Mamo. ''[Gissinger stops the tape]''
:'''Gissinger:''' The first two voices will remain unidentified. They are of no concern. What we want is the identity of the man who broke in on their top-secret conversation... this blackmailer who calls himself &quot;Mamo&quot;. ''[he fast-forwards part of the tape, and continues playing]''
:'''Mamo:''' That's right – Mamo. Some have called me a [[prophet]]; others, a [[God]].
:'''Boris:''' That is lunacy!
:'''US President:''' That's an understatement. You can't believe that we'll go along with this.
:'''Mamo:''' You have no choice! [[brain|I know every move you make before you know it yourselves]]. Why, I even know about that little floozy you keep in the steno pool, Mr. President. How would you like the world to find out about her?
:'''US President:''' Oh... how dare you!
:'''Boris:''' Floozy? What ''is'' this floozy? ''[Gordon stops the tape]''
:'''Jigen:''' Aw... just when it was gettin' good.
:'''Gissinger:''' The rest of it is immaterial. All that matters is reason to believe that this Mamo character is quite serious in his intentions.
:'''Jigen:''' No kiddin'. '' [lights a cigarette] '' You haven’t said... what any of this has to do with us.
:'''Gissinger:''' Don’t be silly. We know your friend Lupin stole some objects at this fellow's request, and that you were with him when he did. Now, then... tell me everything you know about this Mamo person!
:'''Jigen:''' Hey, you guys know more about him than I do.
:'''Gordon:''' Okay, stop playing games, ya lousy beatnik! We know you're in this with Lupin up to your necks, so start coming clean! ''[Jigen hands him Fujiko's clue to Lupin's whereabouts] '' Hm? What the hell's this?
:'''Jigen:''' It's a clue, Sherlock. His double-crossing girlfriend wrote it and dropped it out of a plane. It says &quot;water&quot;.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[annoyed]'' Yeah, I can read.
:'''Jigen:''' I'm impressed. You're clearly overqualified for your job. Next, they'll be hiring guys who can think...
:'''Gordon:''' ''[Growling angrily, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards. He grabs Jigen by his shirt]'' Listen! We have ways of getting you to talk!
:'''Jigen:''' Is this the way the US Government treats folks?! Well, I got news for you, Charlie!
:'''Gordon:''' Yeah?! What's that?
:'''Jigen:''' I've always believed in my patriotic duty to buy US savings bonds, but I never will again!
:'''Gordon:''' You pencil-necked little pisshead!
:'''Gissinger:''' Gordon! It is obvious that these two know nothing. ''[mutters with Gordon, who opens a door]'' It appears we shall have to approach this problem from a different angle. In the meantime, gentlemen, you are both free to go.
:'''Gordon:''' You two clowns better watch your step! ''[closes the door]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[straightening his jacket]'' Yeah. Right back atcha, ya big ape.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Excuse me, officer... ''[freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face, then bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic]'' Heil, mein Führer! ''[relaxes after Hitler passes him by]'' First Napoleon, then Hitler? It's gotta be a dream, 'cause none of it's true.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Looking for something?
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, whoever's in charge of this loony bin. What is this, Costume Day for the inmates?
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' Such wit. This is neither an insane asylum nor a masquerade ball. Those particular individuals you have met are not imitations, Lupin, but the real thing. ''[turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]'' Oh, yes. I know who you are. And in case you haven't guessed who I am, I am Mamo.
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, you're Fujiko's boss.
:'''Mamo:''' I hired her to bring me the Philosopher's Stone, and now at last it's mine, no thanks to you. Still, I wanted to meet you; you ''are'' the greatest thief on the face of the Earth.
:'''Lupin:''' Gee, tell me something I don't know. Look, I'm not working for you, if that's what you have in mind.
:'''Mamo:''' Actually, I've been thinking about your compensation for the Stone, and I've decided to give you the greatest gift of all: eternal life.
:'''Lupin:''' How thrilling. But, if you don't mind, I'd rather you just gave me back the Stone, you little wacko.
:'''Mamo:''' The prophet is always regarded as a madman by those too backwards to see the truth.
:'''Lupin:''' Well, then you must be getting used to it by now. Come on, hand it over! ''[charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]''
:'''Mamo:''' Men like you never trust what they cannot see.
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, yeah? ''[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]'' OK, pal, enough with the sight gags! ''[falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him]'' YOU'RE A LUNATIC! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF: I'M THE GREATEST THIEF ON EARTH! I'LL GET THAT STONE! COUNT ON IT!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata''': That thief can't get away from me. I'll track him down, even if I have to play nursemaid to a barnacle to do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin''': Now, where were we? ''[He growls seductively]''
:'''Fujiko''': Whoa, there, tiger. This is no time for that.
:'''Lupin''': Aw, baby, how can you say that? You're here... I'm here...
:'''Fujiko''': ''[enjoying it]'' Stop it now.
:'''Lupin''': It's kismet!
:'''Fujiko''': Come on. This floor is freezing. 
:''[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]''
:'''Lupin''': I can't help it. There's something about an elevator. Must be the up-and-down motion. I lose all self-control. ''[Fujiko tickles him]'' Don't do that. Don't get me wrong. ''[Fujiko knees him in the crotch]'' It's your mind I love.
:'''Mamo''': ''[finally at the end of his rope]'' All right, you two, that's quite enough of that!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]''
:'''Mamo:''' Ah. Must be friends of yours, if I'm not mistaken.
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, we've crossed paths a couple of times.
:'''Mamo:''' And what's more, there's somebody else...
:''[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning [[Laozi]] of his location]''
:'''Lupin:''' Zenigata! ''[laughs]'' Well, he sure is persistent. I'll give him that.
:'''Mamo:''' The person he's talking to is Laozi, the ancient Chinese philosopher.
:'''Lupin:''' You mean a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks he's Laoz...
:'''Mamo:''' No, he's the real one!
:'''Lupin:''' You mean a real nut... am I right?
:''[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]''
:'''Mamo:''' I have populated my island with the most brilliant men and women in history. Geniuses from every field–politics, philosophy, religion, art. It has taken me 10,000 years to collect them all. Superior, every one! This thriving community will live on here even after [[w:Apocalypse|the rest of the world has gone up in smoke]], a development which I regrettably foresee happening in the next day or two. Only those fortunate few chosen by me for their brilliance, or their beauty, will survive the coming cataclysm and be assured of immortality.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[apparently deep in thought]'' Brilliant. It's so simple... ''[chuckles, then laughs hysterically]''
:'''Mamo:''' You laugh?!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[still chuckling]'' When it comes to wackos, you take the cake, Pee-Wee! A post-apocalyptic country club? Now I think I've heard everything!
:'''Mamo:''' Look at this man, Fujiko! This is the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with? This ignorant fool who laughs like a hyena at his own impending doom?
:''[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[annoyed]'' Okay, there's no need to get personal.
:'''Mamo:''' I refuse to grant the gift of immortality to one so unworthy!
:'''Fujiko:''' Well, if that's the way you want to be, you can just count me out, too!
:'''Mamo:''' Fujiko!
:'''Fujiko:''' What's the point of being forever young and lovely? It's no fun if I have to sit by and watch him getting old and shriveled up!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The gang escape on the electric boat Jigen and Goemon had arrived in with an unconscious Lupin. Zenigata gets into a rowboat thinking it's attached.]''
:'''Zenigata:''' I thought you simple-minded crooks might try something like this! I'm ready for ya! ''[a different rowboat is pulled along instead]'' Not again! Why me? What's a guy gotta do to get a break around here? ''[as he starts rowing his boat manually, the bombs dropped by Gordon and Gissinger start falling around him]'' Oh sh... ''[He panics and dives into the water. As shells fall around him, he clings to one, squealing like a little girl]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Detective Zenigata and his Police Commissioner are eating in a Japanese restaurant in Colombia, Zenigata is rapidly eating a bowl of rice]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Slow down, Zenigata!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[stops eating, surprised]'' Hm?
:'''Commissioner:''' Don't make yourself sick, my boy! Have some more pickled radish.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I appreciate the meal, chief, but couldn't we have found a place that served steak and potatoes?
:'''Commissioner:''' No, I wanted to give you a real treat--something special. On your salary, you'd never be able to afford a place like this.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[upset]'' You're right... ''[sniffs, then chomps on a radish, crying]'' I don't deserve this! Commissioner... I really am... so lucky... to have a chief like you! ''[breaks down in tears]''
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[hands him a handkerchief]'' Stiff upper lip.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[blows his nose]'' You're a real prince, treating me to dinner like this even after I let that lousy thief get away! But I haven't given up, sir, I'll catch him!
:'''Commissioner:''' Oh, well, about that…...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I'll nail him, chief!
:'''Commissioner:''' You're off the case.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Huh?
:'''Commissioner:''' Nothing personal. Actually... we're dropping the whole business. That's why I came to this Godforsaken town in Colombia – to find you and order you off the Lupin case. It seems our boy's involved with some pretty important people. It's a diplomatic affair, now... a lot bigger than you and me, Detective.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Would you repeat that? I think I'm still a little soggy.
:'''Commissioner:''' The Lupin case is finished. You got that? Forget about him. Oh! One more thing. ''[hands a small document with Zenigata’s name on it]'' A little something in the way of a bonus for all your efforts. Oh, you'll be happy to get home after all this time, eh! Your daughter's all grown up. Well, your plane leaves in a couple of hours.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' With all due respect, sir, I'm the only one who can catch him!
:'''Commissioner:''' I know how you feel...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shouting]'' Chief, you can't do this!
:'''Commissioner:''' Wait a moment, now! It’s an order!
:''[Detective Zenigata angrily growls, and tears up the bonus. He kicks away the table he and the Commissioner are eating at]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Well, now it's confetti! I resign, chief! I'll go after him on my own! ''[he storms out of the restaurant to the surprise of the customers]''
:'''Commissioner:''' I'm warning you! Come back here at once!
:''[Detective Zenigata stands on the outskirts of the city as the sun sets]'' 
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[narrating]'' I'm absolutely positive he's hiding here... somewhere in South America! They ''always'' end up ''somewhere'' in South America...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko:''' '' [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]'' So he's just another rich, dirty old man. It was all lies.
:'''Lupin:''' Not completely. Maybe the guy has found the secret of immortality...
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah, right. Don’t tell me you believe that rubbish.
:'''Lupin:''' He's a clone.
:'''Jigen:''' Say what?
:'''Lupin:''' C'mon, he has to be. It's the only possibility that makes sense! All you need is a single cell from a living thing in order to make a clone, or perfect copy, of it. And if you repeated the process, over and over, that thing, whatever it is, could conceivably go on living forever and ever!
:'''Jigen:''' If this is for real, did you ever think that maybe that guy they hanged in Transylvania…
:'''Lupin:''' Wasn't me after all, but a clone of me, yeah! That would certainly explain things!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo''': Do you understand now? It's ironic; in making myself immortal, I made myself into a god.
:'''Lupin''': Give me a break, will ya? What's all that supposed to mean? That you created me as well? In your dreams.
:'''Mamo''': Not one of my proudest accomplishments, I have to admit. I also created a perfect clone of you. And we know what happened to him. Or perhaps you are he? It's possible the real Lupin died on that gibbet in Transylvania.
:'''Lupin''': Oh, I'm the real one, all right. The genuine article. Don't you worry!
:'''Mamo''': We'll never be absolutely sure, will we?
:''[He disappears, laughing]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[firmly]'' You're not going, Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' He stole something that belongs to me. Now I want it back.
:'''Jigen:''' All this because of some damn woman.
:'''Lupin:''' Buddy, I feel sorry for you. You're completely hopeless.
:''[Jigen's lips part in surprise. He stands in shock as he watches Lupin go]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Yes. Even a clone has its limitations.
:'''Fujiko:''' It does?
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' The transfer of chromosomal data is never 100% complete. There are always imperfections, unnoticeable at first, but as the cloning is repeated age after age, these distortions become more pronounced. Despite all my efforts, once my original form began to decay, I had to make second generation clones, and then third, and then fourth. What you see is a copy of a copy of a copy.
:'''Lupin:''' So you've degenerated into an inferior Mamo.
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' Eternity... is a long time. ''[dies]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo''': ''[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]'' Feeling suicidal, are we? I don't blame you. Just to show there are no hard feelings, I will tell you. It ''was'' your clone they hanged in Transylvania. So you're the real Lupin. Now, you may die with peace of mind.
:''[Laughing maniacally, he sends beams of lasers to home in on Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the beams back at Mamo]''
:'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' Goemon, I owe you one.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin''': I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I'm just a clone. The real Lupin was hanged back in Transylvania.
:'''Zenigata''': Cork it! As long as there's even one of you running around, calling himself the greatest thief on Earth... that's one too many. So don't think you can talk your way out of this one, you little rat. I gotcha!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Lupin]''
:'''Lupin''': Thanks a bunch.
:'''Zenigata''': Well! Man, I tell you, pal, they're all alike!
:''[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]''
:'''Lupin''': Whaddaya say?
:'''Zenigata''': Mm-hmm. Let's get out of here!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko''': ''[watching Lupin and Zenigata retreat, anklecuffed]'' Nice to see the two of them getting along.
:'''Jigen''': Yeah, just as long as those handcuffs hold him.

==Dialogue - Manga UK dub==
:'''Coroner:''' ''[typed out]'' Police Report......
:After a recent crime wave the Transylvanian Police
:have brought to justice a criminal of immense standing..
:After a Coroner's Report it has been
:confirmed
:that there is no doubt that the man we executed was the real Wolf III...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[opening narration]'' The Coroner's Report came through from Transylvania on the Telex. There was a whole lotta bullshit about Transylvanian [[justice]] and stringing people up. But here's the bit that interested me: &quot;There is no doubt whatever... that the man we executed... was, in fact... the real... Wolf III.&quot; But I was one detective who wouldn’t bet his trenchcoat on a Transylvanian Telex! I had to see for myself!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[lifts the casket lid]'' Ha-ha! Hiya, Wolf buddy! I know what you're up to; but I ain't buying your innocent &quot;undead Dracula&quot; act, okay? You've met your match in me! AAAAHHH! ''[stakes the corpse with a yell. The corpse promptly explodes. As he recognizes a very alive Wolf, he screams]''
:'''Wolf:''' Surely, you didn't expect me to fall for that &quot;pointed stake&quot; stuff?
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Wolf! You're alive! It's not what you're supposed to be!
:'''Wolf:''' Seems not. I find it all very confusing.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Yes, you definitely are Wolf III! I'm positive of that!
:'''Wolf:''' I'm not denying it, but that doesn't get us very far.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I'm gonna make certain you're dead! ''[swings a piece of wood at Wolf, who dodges, commencing a chase. By the time Zenigata catches up, Wolf has already reached his escape vehicle.]''
:'''Wolf:''' Bye-bye! Sorry, but I'll have to hear your life story another time! ''[takes off, chuckling]'' You take care now!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' You rat! I'm gonna take care, all right; I'm gonna take care of you! It doesn't matter how long it might take! ''[laughs]'' You may think you've gotten away, Wolf, but you're up against a great detective! I'll follow you into the fire of Hell, and when I catch you, I'll brand you with cattle irons!
:'''Wolf:''' Watch that blood pressure!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' Did I... break the beam?
:'''Jigen:''' Who knows? Let's just hurry.
:'''Wolf:''' If we hurry, we won't make it. That's for sure. ''[Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.]'' Max width: 80 centimeters.
:'''Jigen:''' OK. ''[Gives Wolf a 80 centimeter bar.]'' Hey, Wolf.
:'''Wolf:''' Eh?
:'''Jigen:''' Tell me about the hanging.
:'''Wolf:''' What's to tell about? The hanged man in Transylvania...was probably the real me. Probably.
:'''Jigen:''' Eh, that sounds kinda weird.
:'''Wolf:''' Yes, it does, doesn't it? Now I'm starting to get the distinct impression this me ain't real at all. And that's some identity crisis!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Unit 1, cover the south level! Units 2 and 3, take the north passage!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Listen, Zenigata! I'm in charge of these troops, and I insist...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shoving his megaphone into the Egyptian police chief's face]'' Hear this, Captain: it's me that's talkin' here! ''[climbs on top of the nearest vehicle]'' My sixth sense tells me Wolf's in there! Forward! Charge!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' There's no way out, Wolf! It's all over! Seal off the exits! That way, you men! Don't let him get away! He's got to be down here! Turn the lights on!
:''[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Congratulations on your sixth sense! It does seem to work exceptionally well.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' And what do these guns mean?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' ''[taken aback]'' Precautions.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Huh! Unless they're issued with silver bullets, your men would waste their ammunition!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' You're under arrest!
:''[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' You can't arrest me!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' This will lead to an international incident!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Lead to what?
:''[Wolf and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' The days of Western interference are over!
:'''Egyptian Police Officer:''' Motorbike.
:''[Wolf's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' That's dangerous driving! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside]'' That'll lead you up to Level 8! Can't get out that way, Wolfie!
:''[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]''
:'''Wolf:''' At a time like this, your preoccupation with your hat strikes me as being a bit over the top!
:'''Jigen:''' It defines my persona to the world as a cool dude. I feel naked without it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' Samurai, that wasn't funny!
:'''Goemon:''' I suggest you look down.
:''[Wolf and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]''
:'''Wolf:''' Hohoho! Soldier ants!
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Get it, Wolf? Are you gonna be sensible?
:''[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Wolf's motorcycle to ride along]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Aw, shit! Very tricky! ''[the chase begins as Wolf takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]''
:'''Wolf:''' I like it! Nice to see a guy getting in condition!
:''[Zenigata continues running after Wolf until he falls into a sand trap in his path]''
:'''Wolf:''' Watch out for rabbit holes! ''[unintelligible farewell]''
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]'' The gloves are off! The hole you're gonna go down, you'll never climb out! ''[finally explodes in a rage after a moment]'' If you seriously think I'm giving up, you're badly mistaken, because I never give up! I'm Zenigata, the ace detective! I'll get you, scumbag!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Wolf, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko]''
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[gasps]'' Wolfie?
:'''Wolf:''' ''[melodramatic]'' The lovely Fujiko, unless I'm much mistaken?
:'''Fujiko:''' Flattery will get you anything you want... not.
:'''Wolf:''' ''[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]'' &quot;Flattery&quot;? How can you be so unfair, when the soft breezes of Paris have melted my icy heart? ''[smells the rose]'' I thought a little smooth dressing would set the tone for an evening of beauty that matches your own.
:''' Fujiko:''' ''[sighing]'' You quaint old-fashioned boy. However, I do get the message.
:'''Wolf:''' O, the beauty of this flower doth pale beside Fujiko.
:'''Fujiko:''' Wolf, cut the crap, eh?
:'''Wolf:''' O, there's pain in the prick of thy thorn, but that pain brings pleasure... onto my soul.
:'''Fujiko:''' Wolf, this is getting boring. So do me a favor, and let's get down to business.
:'''Wolf:''' Huh! How can somebody have eyes ''[throws the rose away]'' burning with such deep passion, but be so cold to me?!
:'''Fujiko:''' It isn't remotely difficult. Unless... you weren't asking me to marry you, were you?!
:'''Wolf:''' Don't be silly. But... see what I got?
:''[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Wolf presents her the Wiseman Stone]''
:'''Fujiko:''' Oh, you're a devil, can I hold it?
:''[Wolf yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]''
:'''Wolf:''' Negative. Oh boy, one glimpse of that jackpot and I'm in demand suddenly! Typical, really typical! How shallow the world is. Do I get a word of appreciation for all that danger and the sacrifice I went through to get this? To all Hell! Or could it be that little Fujiko has got some deal going on which doesn't include yours truly, hmm? Did you forget that we had an agreement as well? Fuck, if you wanna call off our deal, well, that's fine!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Wolf had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]''
:'''Wolf:''' Cor, what a sucker! What a real knockout that perfume was.
:'''Jigen:''' Serves you right for playing the macho man; simpler to have just given Fujiko the Stone.
:'''Goemon:''' Wolf, business and women are a pink and purple colour scheme.
:'''Wolf:''' God knows what that means. I only want to say, I planned it all this way and it's working. ''[puts on the headphones Jigen had given him as Jigen searches for the signal planted on the Wiseman Stone]''
:'''Jigen:''' Ah, the man's an undead megabrain.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' The Pharaohs said the secret of eternal life, sought by the Emperor Xi, is concealed in what's known as the Wiseman Stone, handed down for generations from time immemorial.
:'''Goemon:''' Hm.
:'''Jigen:''' And you believe that? You'd believe the Moon's a balloon.
:'''Wolf:''' Very funny. Maybe there are lots of pebbles on the beach, but you ain't gonna pick up many like this one. ''[passes the books to Goemon and Jigen]'' Smartass. Read it yourself.
:'''Goemon:''' The flea uses the dog to feed on.
:'''Jigen:''' It could be that Fujiko's the flea. ''[drinks from his wine glass]'' Guess who's the dog?
:'''Goemon:''' Pah! If you'll excuse me not laughing, I've got to go. ''[gets up]''
:'''Wolf:''' Need a leak?
:'''Goemon:''' All I wish to relieve myself of is your vulgar company.
:'''Wolf:''' Don't be that way!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' This is it, Wolf! We're dead!
:'''Wolf:''' We'll put ourselves six feet underground, then!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' Goemon! Do your thing!
:''[Goemon slashes the helicopter's blades in midair; the action freezes for a moment as Goemon reflects on the unworthiness of Zantetsuken's latest victim]''
:'''Goemon:''' I demean myself with my attention to this worthless object.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Wolf and the gang exit the manhole after the helicopter Goemon had slashed blows up]''
:'''Wolf:''' We ain't in the same league as Fujiko's boss!
:'''Jigen:''' No contest.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Zenigata''': ''[laughing as he plummets towards the water]'' You don't run me down as easy as that!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' It's time we started taking the opposition seriously.
:'''Wolf:''' Yeah. Maybe it's time to hole up for a while. ''[Jigen looks at him incredulously. Wolf returns a defensive look]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Wolf and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]''
:'''Wolf:''' So much for my hideout...
:'''Jigen:''' No food, guns or ammo. No nothin'!
:'''Wolf:''' Thanks, Jigen. I really hadn't noticed.
:'''Jigen:''' ''[kicking debris, grunting angrily]'' Wolf. I'm just a little pissed off. And I'm telling you you've gotta forget Fujiko. She must've shown the strong arms boys and the mob this place, and they did the rest! It's time to make some painful choices; it's either Fujiko or me!
:'''Wolf:''' Don't tempt me...
:'''Goemon:''' Wolf-san, a samurai warrior cannot work for a female. You accepted the commission to steal the Stone for her only because you like the look of her ass. The wise man has said, &quot;Nice asses turn men into asses&quot;.
:'''Wolf:''' True – that sure was a wise guy.
:'''Goemon:''' Your degenerate mockery is getting dangerously irritating!
:'''Wolf:''' Hmmm.
:'''Jigen:''' Goemon, you ain't gonna get anywhere, so give up like I have.
:'''Goemon:''' And do you dare to represent yourself as his friend? Willingness to amputate without ether is the test of friendship, and you have failed it!
:'''Jigen:''' God, you're such a boring schmuck!
:''[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]''
:'''Goemon:''' The time has come for me to slice off your hat.
:'''Jigen:''' Mm? Just try!
:'''Goemon:''' We shall see how little brain you have underneath it!
:'''Jigen:''' Okay! Try your luck!
:'''Wolf:''' All right, kiddies, calm down! Yes, you're right! I did get carried away, but no more! It's strictly business from now on! I'll never think about Fujiko again! NOW, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, OR WE'LL STARVE!
:'''Jigen:''' Get out of here ''where'', Wolf? Huh?
:'''Wolf:''' We're gonna head for the ocean!
:'''Jigen:''' But that means crossing Vallée Mort - Death Valley to you.
:'''Wolf:''' Don't worry! On my map, it's only an itsy bitsy desert.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Wolf scrapes the leftovers from the pan while Fujiko sleeps]''
:'''Wolf:''' Hey, this is what I call real quality time, don't you? Yeah, of course you didn't give little Wolf the eye! OK, so I'm not Keanu Reeves, and I'm not some Latin gigolo in a smooth silk suit - I'm just your average thief, that's all! ''[He finishes the last of the food, throws down the pan and grabs a hatchet]'' Well, that big bad Wolf's got feelings. Let me in little piggy, or I'll blow your house in! ''[He slashes at Fujiko's bedroom door and breaks it down, then springs into her room, throws off cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko]'' Here I come! ''[As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]'' 
:'''Fujiko:''' Wolf? Are you OK? ''[She realizes he's fast asleep and picks up the medicine bottle]'' The stuff I put in your food must've been stronger than I thought. ''[Wolf snores softly. Fujiko takes a transmitter out of her bra and turns it on]'' I'm doing all this for your own good, Wolfie baby.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' ''[threatening Gordon]'' You ain't called Flinch, by any chance?
:'''Gordon:''' You think that name would suit me, riff? Gordon's more my style, but I don't think Jigen's really yours. 
:'''Jigen:''' Hey, watch your mouth! I'm kinda used to Jigen!
:''[American soldiers surround Jigen and reveal they have apprehended Goemon]''
:'''Jigen:''' Hi there, guys.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[takes Jigen's gun]'' That's right, so don't give us any trouble, OK?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' So, this is how Uncle Sam keeps the world safe for democracy.
:'''Goemon:''' All military might is an illusion.
:'''Jigen:''' Well, those planes look pretty real to me.
:'''Gordon:''' Attention! This is Special Presidential Adviser, Mr. Gissinger. ''[he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds] ''
:'''Goemon:''' What's special about him?
:'''Jigen:''' Have you heard his accent? Apart from that, he masterminds the world's number-one big bang show. ''[Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between the US President and the Secretary General]''
:'''Secretary General:''' Mr. President. I want your assurance that the CIA is not responsible – I am being blackmailed.
:'''US President:''' Eh, how's that, Mr. Secretary?
:'''Secretary General:''' I am to hand over all secret technical data on biochemistry, cytology and gene technology. If I refuse, my country will suffer a nuclear attack!
:'''US President:''' Hey, I've been threatened the same way. And to prove they're serious, they’ve already destroyed several of our communication satellites.
:'''Secretary General:''' Well, it was not us, Mr. President.
:'''US President:''' I know that, Mr. Secretary. You couldn't hit one of our satellites if you tried.
:'''Secretary General:''' Now, wait! Only...
:'''US President:''' Choke on your borscht. The important thing is – to find out who's behind this.
:'''Mamo:''' I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. ''[Gissinger stops the tape]''
:'''Gissinger:''' I cannot reveal who the first voices we heard belong to, but it's the third voice, which is obviously the blackmailer's, that I am interested in, who broke in on this secure hotline conversation. ''[he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]''
:'''Mamo:''' I shall tell you. It is I, Mamo. The greatest [[brain|intellect]] in the history of the world. Some call me a [[prophet]]; you may address me as [[God]].
:'''Secretary General:''' God?! You must be insane!
:'''US President:''' Eh, if you're God, I gotta tell you, your requests are pretty unoriginal, not to say, venial.
:'''Mamo:''' Request? I'm giving you and order! And if you care about mainstream, cherry pie and ''[[w:Dynasty (TV series)|Dynasty]]'' as you always say, you'll jump to it! ''[Gordon stops the tape]''
:'''Jigen:''' Go on.
:'''Gissinger:''' No. You do not have security clearance A-14, without which the material is too sensitive to be communicated to you at this moment in time.
:'''Jigen:''' That's tough. ''[lights a cigarette]'' But I don’t see... where the two of us come in.
:'''Gissinger:''' Mamo's established positive links with the criminal named &quot;Wolf&quot;, an associate of yours. I need him. He will lead me to this imposter who pretends to be God!
:'''Jigen:''' Hey, I wish I could help you, only...
:'''Gordon:''' Grr... I’m not putting up with crap like that! We got information which says you and Wolf have been partners for years! ''[Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Wolf’s whereabouts] '' So, what’s this?
:'''Jigen:''' That's for you guys to work out. It was written by Wolf's double-crossing girlfriend. Nothing else I can tell you.
:'''Gordon:''' Water's all it says...
:'''Jigen:''' Boy, if you're that on the ball, you'll solve this case in no time!
:'''Gordon:''' ''[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Gissinger and Jigen backwards] '' Don't mess me around! '' [grabs Jigen by his shirt] '' Listen! We got ways of making you talk.
:'''Jigen:''' C’mon, riff, shouldn’t that be his line? If this is democracy, I've had it.
:'''Gordon:''' Huh? Not yet.
:'''Jigen:''' I used to be a great [[Humphrey Bogart|Bogie]] fan, and [[Elvis Presley|Elvis]], [[w:James Dean|Dean]] and [[Marilyn Monroe|Marilyn]]... but now, I resign!
:'''Gordon:''' So, you really ''are'' anti-American...!
:'''Gissinger:''' Gordon! Restrain your quite mental outrage. ''[whispers to Gordon]'' Let's use a more subtle psychological approach. ''[Gordon opens a door]'' We are convinced you are telling the truth and that you know nothing. We have therefore decided that we will let you go.
:'''Gordon:''' God bless America and democracy! ''[closes the door]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[straightening his jacket]'' This means I needn't give up Bogie!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' Excuse me, could you tell me the way to... ''[freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face]'' Waterloo? ''[bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic]'' Heil Schicklgruber! ''[relaxes after Hitler passes him by]'' Interesting. A bit frightening, too.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Are you looking for someone?
:'''Wolf:''' Are you the head shrink? I'd like to meet whoever's hosting this party.
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' This is not a hospital, and it's not a costume ball, either. The people you've met, Wolf, are actually the people you've met. ''[turns to Wolf, revealing himself. Wolf gapes, horrified]'' My name is Mamo. Yes, I know who you are, and Fujiko no doubt mentioned me to you.
:'''Wolf:''' So then you're Fujiko's boss?
:'''Mamo:''' I now have the Wiseman Stone, but the reason I employed you to steal it rather than doing so myself is that I love seeing excellence at work. Congratulations on being the world's finest thief!
:'''Wolf:''' Hell, I knew that all along. But I wasn't working for you, and I'm not going to!
:'''Mamo:''' But I have an offer in mind, which I think you will not be able to refuse: an offer not of money, but of everlasting life.
:'''Wolf:''' Will you give me an advance? Listen, I've been around much too long to believe that kind of bullshit.
:'''Mamo:''' If that is how you respond, it seems that granting this boon to you would be a total waste.
:'''Wolf:''' Ah, shucks, why don't you give me the Stone back and call it quits, OK? ''[charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' Eternal life would have advantages.
:'''Wolf:''' ''[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]'' Who needs it to walk on glass, huh? ''[falls screaming through an invisible hole, makes a hard landing on his rear end, and gets up as Mamo cackles at him]'' GO AHEAD AND LAUGH, MAMO, BUT YOU'VE GOT ME REAL MAD NOW, WHICH IS A DANGEROUS THING TO DO TO ME!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata:''' Even if I have to disguise myself as a limpet, I'm determined to finish Wolf.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' Now, where were we?
:'''Fujiko:''' No, wait! I've got something I want to say.
:'''Wolf:''' Nothing like an elevator shaft to turn me on!
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[enjoying it]'' No, Wolf, please stop!
:'''Wolf:''' Come on!
:'''Fujiko:''' If you don't stop it, I may scream! ''[does that]''
:''[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]''
:'''Fujiko:''' Oh dear, I don't think anyone heard! What shall I do?
:'''Wolf:''' Oh, let me have a little nibble just there!
:'''Fujiko:''' No. ''[tickles Wolf]''
:'''Wolf:''' Oh, your neck's oh so kissable!
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[knees Wolf in the crotch]'' Oh, my... ''[unintelligible]''
:'''Wolf:''' ''[unintelligible]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[finally at the end of his rope]'' Ew, this is puke-inducing!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mamo shows Wolf and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[chuckling]'' Your friends have foolishly followed you here.
:'''Wolf:''' Hey! Watch out, guys!
:'''Mamo:''' And someone else is tracking them, apparently.
:''[Detective Zenigata, with a picture of Wolf, is shown questioning [[Laozi]] of his location]''
:'''Wolf:''' Well, whaddya know! ''[laughs]'' The plot's thickening up very nicely!
:'''Mamo:''' He's cornered one of the greatest philosophers in the history of the world.
:'''Wolf:''' You mean some paranoid nut who thinks he is...
:'''Mamo:''' No I don't, he's real!
:'''Wolf:''' You mean a real nut?
:''[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]''
:'''Mamo:''' Try to listen carefully and see if your poor brain can grasp that I've gathered the most brilliant men in history; from the fields of art, religion, philosophy and politics here! Not as some sort of conjuring trick, but an actual fact! Another thought that might let your poor brain boggle is that nothing is permanent, and even the world will one day be a mere glitch in the memory of [[God]], who made all living beings. That time is near! Within one or two weeks, [[w:Apocalypse|the world will end not with a whimper... but with a bang]]. Only people who are beautiful or mentally superior will live beyond it – those ''I'' choose!
:'''Wolf:''' ''[apparently deep in thought]'' Oh, boy... this poor brain's in pain. ''[chuckles, then laughs hysterically]''
:'''Mamo:''' What's so funny?!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[still chuckling]'' I gotta give you top marks for thinking up such a brilliant plotline! You get life forever, but nowhere left to live it in! Oh, yes, I like it!
:'''Mamo:''' You may think mockery is clever, but it merely makes you look like a blinkered imbecile! Well, Fujiko? Do you see how little he deserves the attention of a girl as beautiful and intelligent as you? 
:''[Fujiko is put off by Mamo's statement]''
:'''Mamo:''' He shall not live eternally as I intend that you shall.
:'''Fujiko:''' I’m sorry, but if Wolf's not in the deal, I’m not interested.
:'''Mamo:''' Fujiko!
:'''Fujiko:''' Sure, I'd like a slice of eternal youth... but I wouldn't want to spend it watching him going bald and clutching a Zimmer frame!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The gang escape on the electric boat Jigen and Goemon had arrived in with an unconscious Wolf. Zenigata gets into a rowboat thinking it's attached.]''
:'''Zenigata:''' What they don't know is that I foresaw this and prepared things in advance! ''[a different rowboat is pulled along instead]'' Huh? ''[unintelligible]'' I don't care, I'll still get ya! Allons-y! ''[as he starts rowing his boat manually, the bombs dropped by Gordon and Gissinger start falling around him]'' AHH! NO!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Detective Zenigata and his Police Commissioner are eating in a Japanese restaurant in Colombia, Zenigata is rapidly eating a bowl of rice]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Slow down, Zenigata! ''[Zenigata stops eating, surprised]'' You'll give yourself indigestion! Have a pickled radish.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I have no objection to nouvelle cuisine, but I would have enjoyed a big T-bone...
:'''Commissioner:''' I thought this restaurant would be a treat! Way out of your league! It's very expensive, and on your pathetic expenses...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[upset]'' Yeah, I know! ''[chomps on a radish, crying]'' God, I'm really grateful, but I'm hungry as well! I appreciate... everything... that you're doing... but Wolf got away! ''[breaks down in tears]''
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[hands him a handkerchief]'' Stop that.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[blows his nose]'' I mean, I don't deserve pickled radishes, peas and arsenic, or ants on a bed of cornflowers! I'll find him though, Commissioner!
:'''Commissioner:''' Since you mentioned it...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I'll get that creep!
:'''Commissioner:''' Oh no, you won't.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' Huh?
:'''Commissioner:''' Zenigata, the reason I brought you to this Japanese restaurant, Colombia, was to tell you that the Wolf File is closed. I've been warned off by an important person in person. This case now has international, and quite possibly, interplanetary ramifications. I hope I make myself clear.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I don't get it. This case is all I live for!
:'''Commissioner:''' Come on, there are other hobbies for an experienced cop like you. But, we decided you... ''[hands a small document with Zenigata's name on it]'' earned yourself a little bonus for dedication to duty. ''[chuckles]'' You've been away from home a long while, and I was told – your wife's suing for divorce. So I'm here to take you back home.
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' But Commissioner, no one can catch Wolf, except me!
:'''Commissioner:''' Sure. I know how you feel, son...
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[shouting]'' I refuse to give up!
:'''Commissioner:''' Don't you yell at me! That was an order!
:''[Detective Zenigata angrily growls, and tears up the bonus. He kicks away the table he and the Commissioner are eating at]''
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' I resign as of now! I don't need a badge to go after that creep! ''[he storms out of the restaurant to the surprise of the customers, laughing manically]''
:'''Commissioner:''' You'll never drive your squad car again!
:''[Detective Zenigata stands on the outskirts of the city as the sun sets]'' 
:'''Detective Zenigata:''' ''[narrating]'' My sixth sense is ''screaming'' at me that Wolf's hiding, here in South America...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko:''' '' [referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]'' I can't stand it. Everything he said was a lie!
:'''Wolf:''' Not everything. He could have found a way to live on forever...
:'''Jigen:''' Knock it off, Wolf. How's that possible?
:'''Wolf:''' By cloning himself.
:'''Jigen:''' What?
:'''Wolf:''' A biological copy. Scientists can make replicas of any human. All they need is a single hair; one single cell to mess around with. They can make a perfect look-alike. And if they go on doing it... e presto! Immortality!
:'''Jigen:''' I wonder if might have been a clone that was strung up by the Transylvanians.
:'''Wolf:''' That's a question I've been puzzling over, though I don't remember losing any of my hair...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' The whole of history is nothing more than the sum of my whim! They built a bridge to God, then they ''became'' God!
:'''Wolf:''' You're quite a fella! I suppose that makes you responsible for me being here?
:'''Mamo:''' ''[chuckles]'' Why, I've had more important things keeping me occupied, I assure you. You're just an animal form without a special reason. Oh, I did make a clone of you, though I rather lost track of it. It is possible it was hanged - or was that, in fact, the original?
:'''Wolf:''' No, it wasn't! The original's right here! This is the real, live, original Wolf!
:'''Mamo:''' You ''could'' be right, but can you be sure?
:''[He disappears, laughing]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jigen tries to prevent Wolf from confronting Mamo]''
:'''Jigen:''' Hold it right there!
:'''Wolf:''' Y'know, Jigen... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Mamo stole my dream.
:'''Jigen:''' Even the Samurai couldn't put it better. But I'm not going with you.
:'''Wolf:''' I'll be better off alone. I think it's a one-man job.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' So... it seems even clones have their limitations.
:'''Fujiko:''' Like what?
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' The passing of chromosome information, I must acknowledge, has not been 100% complete. With each copy, the clarity fades slightly, almost imperceptibly. The endless clone chain reaction disturbs the cells. Over 130 generations, I produced copies and still more copies, and each time the result was lacking in some strand I'd achieved in the previous one... till I am what you see before you. 
:'''Wolf:''' You mean you've become a pretty poor specimen by now.
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' The price is high... to buy eternal life. ''[dies]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' ''[seeing Wolf come towards him on the treadmill]'' You don't fear death, I see. I cannot but admire that, and so I shall tell you that it was your clone who was hanged, and ''you'' are the original. Now, die with peace of mind. ''[He sends a barrage of lasers at Wolf. Wolf holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the lasers back at him]''
:'''Wolf:''' ''[in thought]'' Samurai, you saved my life.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolf:''' You're persistent, I've got to admit. You never believed I was hanged and buried back there in Transylvania.
:'''Zenigata:''' Hell no! Did you really think I'd fall for a silly little trick like getting yourself hanged? You've got a couple of lessons to learn about how a dedicated detective goes to work!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Wolf]''
:'''Wolf''': How did she double-cross me?
:'''Zenigata''': ''[laughing]'' Well, what else would you expect?
:''[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over. They get up and exchange glances]''
:'''Wolf''': RUN FOR IT!
:'''Zenigata''': Mm-hmm. All together now!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko''': ''[watching Wolf and Zenigata retreat, anklecuffed]'' They seem to have become really close friends!
:'''Jigen''': He's never happier than when he can outsmart some cop.

==Dialogue - Phuuz/Geneon dub==
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[chuckles as he lifts the casket lid]'' Give it a rest, Lupin, will ya? All right, now let's see just how far you're willing to take this little &quot;charade&quot;, ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE! ''[stakes the corpse, which promptly explodes. The Inspector is showered in rubble]'' Ow. ''[He hears familiar laughter coming from the ceiling. As he recognizes a very alive Lupin, he screams]''
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah. The old &quot;exploding Lupin&quot; trick, and you fell for it!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Lupin! ''[gasps]'' You're alive! Ah, ah! But... you died last spring!
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, I know. I heard that rumor, too.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Huh! So, you're telling me you had &quot;nothing to do with it&quot;, huh?!
:'''Lupin:''' I'm really just as mystified as you are, Pops.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' What kind of fool do you think I am?! ''[swings a piece of wood at Lupin]''
:'''Lupin:''' ''[dodges]'' Whoa! Hey! Take it easy!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[starts chasing Lupin]'' Get back here! LUPIN! ''[by the time he catches up, Lupin has already reached his escape vehicle]'' What the hell are you up to?
:''[Lupin chuckles and kicks a switch which activates a pair of bat wings. Zenigata exclaims]''
:'''Lupin:''' Oh, I'd say... ''[He jumps onto the escape vehicle]'' ...at least several hundred feet, with any luck. See ya! ''[takes off]''
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' What the hell?! Hey! HEY!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[chuckles]'' Bye! Catch you later!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Dammit! Listen here! You can run all you want, but you can't hide forever! Oh, I knew it! I knew you were alive! ''[laughs]'' Nobody understands you the way I do, Lupin, not nobody! And I'm gonna catch you if it takes every last damn breath in my body! You hear that?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Did I do what...I think I did?
:'''Jigen:''' Oh, yeah. We're screwed now.
:'''Lupin:''' It's just at the end of this passage. ''[Turns on visor, showing laser lines in the way.]'' 80 centimeters.
:'''Jigen:''' OK. ''[Gives Lupin a 80 centimeter bar.]'' So Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' Hmm?
:'''Jigen:''' That guy they executed last spring.
:'''Lupin:''' Hm-hmm?
:'''Jigen:''' Who the hell do you think it was really?
:'''Lupin:''' It looked like me. Our fingerprints were identical. He even had my DNA, supposedly.
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah I know all that...
:'''Lupin:''' Look, I don't know. This whole thing is weird and extremely creepy. Maybe we should just drop it for now.
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah, OK.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Now, all you guys in white take the north side, and... ''[realizing everyone is wearing white uniforms]'' No, let me see, if your last name starts from A to L--!
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Who the hell put ''you'' in charge of this operation, huh?
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shoving his megaphone into the Egyptian police chief's face]'' ''IT WAS THE GUY WHO INVENTED THE MEGAPHONE''! ''[climbs on top of the nearest vehicle]'' Remember: he's the weaselly guy with long sideburns! Now, go! Go! Go! Go!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Give it up, Lupin! Don't even think about it! Hey! Get back here! Dammit! What are you all waiting for? Move! Out of my way! Turn them on now!
:''[as the lights turn on, Zenigata is surprised to see the Egyptian police officers stationed there aiming guns]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Well, it appears I owe you an apology.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Hey, what's with the guns, Chief?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' ''[taken aback]'' Now, calm down...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Look, this Lupin has to be taken alive! I thought I explained that?
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' How dare you!?
:''[the Egyptian police chief and Zenigata start wrestling]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' You insolent...!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Hey! You little...!
:''[Lupin and Jigen approach on a motorcycle as the fight continues]''
:'''Egyptian Police Officer:''' Here he comes!
:''[Lupin's motorcycle knocks down some of the officers, to the surprise of Zenigata and the Egyptian police chief, and goes up a ramp]''
:'''Egyptian Police Chief:''' Shoot! Shoot! Shoot him! FIRE!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shoves the Egyptian police chief aside with a triumphant laugh]'' There's no escape, Lupin! That passage goes right to the top!
:''[As the motorcycle continues up the passage, Jigen nearly loses his fedora]''
:'''Jigen:''' Whoops! Dammit!
:'''Lupin:''' Ah, let your hat go, Jigen! It's time you started to look a little hipper anyway!
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take fashion tips from a guy who dresses like a circus ringmaster!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Hm? Goemon, what are you doin'?!
:'''Goemon:''' There is no time. Look!
:''[Lupin and Jigen notice the Egyptian officers climbing up the side of the pyramid and closing in]''
:'''Lupin:''' Wow! I guess you're right!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Surrender, Lupin! It's over!
:''[suddenly, a rope rises up next to him, creating a track for Lupin's motorcycle to ride along]''
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Ah! Ah, son of a bitch! ''[the chase begins as Lupin takes off on his motorcycle with Zenigata giving chase by foot]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, Pops! Take it easy! Exercise can be awfully dangerous at your age, you know!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Shut up, you!
:''[Zenigata continues running after Lupin until he falls into a sand trap in his path]''
:'''Lupin:''' Well, I warned you!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Dammit!
:'''Lupin:''' Catch you later!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[struggling to maintain his composure as he climbs out of the sand trap]'' Lupin! I... D'OH! Grr... ''[finally explodes in a rage after a moment]'' You rotten little bastard! Get back here right now, you! Crap! Crap! Crap! I had you this time! Ugh!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:''[Lupin, hidden behind a pillar, presents a rose for Fujiko]''
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[gasps]'' Lupin? 
:'''Lupin:''' ''[melodramatic]'' Alas... only what’s left of him.
:'''Fujiko:''' Hm. What exactly is that supposed to mean?
:'''Lupin:''' ''[walks out to her, wearing a formal dress suit]'' It means, my dear Fujiko, that you are a rose, and I have been pricked by the thorn of your indifference…
:'''Fujiko:''' ''The thorn of my indifference''? Oh, brother...
:'''Lupin:''' ''[smells the rose]'' Fatally pricked, and now, almost completely wasted away, my darling.
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[chuckling]'' Fatally pricked, huh? You gotta love karma!
:'''Lupin:''' Yet, there is still one thing that could save me.
:'''Fujiko:''' What might that be?
:'''Lupin:''' If your petal-like lips would but caress my own unworthy sad ones, I might yet survive, my love.
:'''Fujiko:''' I would, but you know you’d just prick yourself all over again.
:'''Lupin:''' Boy, you’re all thorns. ''[throws the rose away]'' And after all I went through to get you that damn Stone!
:'''Fujiko:''' Now, don’t try to make me feel all... ''[gasps]'' are you saying you actually did it, Lupin?!
:''' Lupin:''' Why, of course. Here you are.
:''[Fujiko’s eyes widen as Lupin presents her the Philosopher’s Stone]''
:'''Fujiko:''' Wow, you really did it!
:''[Lupin yanks the Stone away from Fujiko]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hey! My God, look at you! You're not so indifferent right now, are you? I must say, I don't know why I bother. You know, Fujiko, at least I held up my end of the bargain. Well, didn't I? I got the thing for you, and no questions asked: like who you're in business with or anything, and what did I ask for in return? A little human consideration, just the pretense that you care about me; but apparently, it's too much to ask.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin had just gotten out of the bathtub after his encounter with Fujiko goes supposedly awry]''
:'''Lupin''': Hm... ah, now that feels a lot better!
:'''Jigen''': So if we'd done things my way to start with...
:'''Lupin''': Hm?
:'''Jigen''': Oh, what the hell, never mind!
:'''Goemon''': Right. Don't forget that Lupin is a masochist, Jigen.
:'''Lupin''': Come on. That's not true. I do not enjoy being made a fool of.
:'''Jigen''': ''[trying to get a signal on the hidden transmitter]'' Well, you sure do fake it pretty good.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Eternal life! Immortality! That's got to be it--mankind's most fervent desire! The Pharaohs, Emperors of China, they were all obsessed with finding the Philosopher's Stone! Look, that was supposed to be the key!
:'''Jigen:''' So Professor, is all this stuff gonna be on the test?
:'''Lupin:''' Fine! Be that way! I just thought you might wanna know why people are gonna be trying to kill ya! ''[passes the books to Goemon and Jigen]'' Look--here!
:'''Goemon:''' It is just a colorful myth.
:'''Jigen:''' Absolutely. ''[drinks from his wine glass]'' Of course, Fujiko wants to believe in it.
:'''Goemon:''' A major waste of effort for all of us again! ''[gets up]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hitting the can?
:'''Goemon:''' No. I'm out of this. I'm going home.
:'''Lupin:''' Goemon...!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' I got a sinking feeling about this...
:'''Lupin:''' You just gave me a great idea, buddy!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, look who's got his game face on!
:''[Goemon slashes the helicopter's blades in midair; the action freezes for a moment as Goemon reflects on the unworthiness of Zantetsuken's latest victim]''
:'''Goemon:''' An unworthy target defiles the weapon.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and the gang exit the manhole after the helicopter Goemon had slashed blows up]''
:'''Lupin:''' I'm now officially NOT HAPPY!
:'''Jigen:''' Guys are no amateurs.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Inspector Zenigata''': ''[laughing as he plummets towards the water]'' Watch out, Lupin!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen''': Apparently, somebody didn't get the joke.
:'''Lupin''': Yeah. Luckily, we're only about ten miles from the safe house we just bought.
:'''Jigen''': ''[looks at Lupin incredulously]'' Yeah?
:''[Lupin returns a defensive look]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin and his gang have returned to their hideout to find it destroyed]''
:'''Jigen:''' Food, weapons... whoever the hell these guys are, they're real thorough.
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, this wasn't any accident.
:'''Jigen:''' ''[kicking debris]'' Son of a bitch! Look, I'm just gonna spit it out. There's no other possible explanation. Somebody had to have tipped them off, and there's only one person that that can be. This is it, man; you're just gonna have to choose between us and her!
:'''Lupin:''' Aw, c'mon, Jigen...
:'''Goemon:''' No, he’s right. Bad enough that your infantile addiction to this woman has consistently rendered you an unreliable business partner. But even now, as she conspires with others to have us killed, you continue to defend her! It shows that...
:'''Lupin:''' Please. Go on. Shows what?
:'''Goemon:''' ...that you are a weak man of no conviction and no honor!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[scowling]'' Hm!
:'''Jigen:''' Come on. You're being a little too harsh, aren't you, Goemon?
:'''Goemon:''' It is only natural for you to defend the actions of Lupin, especially since you are responsible for some of his sins as well.
:'''Jigen:''' What? Why, you pious jerk!
:'''Goemon:''' What?
:''[a standoff between Goemon and Jigen ensues]''
:'''Jigen:''' Hm!
:'''Goemon:''' I've always wanted to slash that ridiculous hat of yours!
:'''Jigen:''' Huh? What was that?
:'''Lupin:''' Guys, come on!
:'''Goemon:''' It's probably hiding a bald spot as big as your ass!
:'''Jigen:''' Now that's it!
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, wait! Come on! Look! You're right, okay? I'll turn over a brand new leaf. The woman is... history! Word of honor! Now shake hands, and let's move on, okay? I said let's go, alright, guys?
:'''Jigen:''' One little question: where are we going?
:'''Goemon:''' Like water, Lupin always gravitates towards the ocean.
:'''Jigen:''' Damn it, Lupin! Do you have any idea how far that is?
:'''Lupin:''' Hey, it's only a little inch on the atlas! Sheesh...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lupin finishes the food while Fujiko sleeps]''
:'''Lupin''': Typical! You all want to be the center of a guy's universe. But as soon as he actually acts like it, it's &quot;Oh, I didn't mean like that. I mean, adoring me is fine, but wanting me's kind of icky.&quot; ''[He finishes the food and throws down the pan, grabbing a hatchet]'' Well... we can drivel about love vs. desire all night. But I think... we can both agree that ''you drive me crazy!'' ''[He slashes at Fujiko's door]''
:'''Fujiko''': Lupin, what are you...? ''[Lupin breaks the door down completely and springs inside, laughing maniacally]'' Lupin, now just...! ''[Lupin throws off Fujiko's cover and jumps straight out of his underwear, diving up and over in an arc at Fujiko. As he goes in for the landing, he finds himself getting woozy. He lands on the ground beside Fujiko, completely nude. Fujiko gently shakes him]'' Lupin? Lupin! ''[She picks up a medicine bottle]'' I didn't know this stuff was so damn potent. ''[Lupin begins to snore softly. Fujiko gets out a transmitter from her bra and turns it on]'' This is all for your own good, lover.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' ''[threatening Gordon]'' You're not my type, so just take off.
:'''Gordon:''' Listen! Just hear me out! My name's Gordon, yours is Jigen, isn't that right?
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah? So what, huh? Hm?
:''[American soldiers surround Jigen and reveal they have apprehended Goemon]''
:'''Jigen:''' What the...? Goemon?!
:'''Gordon:''' ''[takes Jigen's gun]'' That's right. Just relax and come along with me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jigen:''' US Navy. They weren’t kiddin'.
:'''Goemon:''' Outrageous. They cannot do this to us.
:'''Jigen:''' You don't read the newspapers very much, do ya?
:'''Gordon:''' Stand up... now! This man is the Special Assistant to the President! ''[he presses a button, drawing down automated blinds]'' I said, stand!
:'''Goemon:''' Yes, we heard you.
:'''Jigen:''' Look. You guys went to a lot of trouble to get us here. Now why don't we just cut the crap, and get to the point? ''[Gordon plays a taped recording of a conversation between US President [[George W. Bush]] and Russian Premier [[Vladimir Putin]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;''
:'''Gordon:''' ''[clears his throat]'' Yes, well...
:'''Russian Premier:''' Mr. President, I must protest, in the strongest possible terms, the blackmailing of my administration by yours.
:'''US President:''' Mr. Premier, I'm afraid I don't...
:'''Russian Premier:''' Please, don't insult us further. We've been threatened with nuclear attack if we don’t hand over all classified research in biochemistry, cytology and biogenetics.
:'''US President:''' Mr. Premier, we just lost two communications satellites after receiving similar demands, and frankly, the capability for such a strike...
:'''Russian Premier:''' Mr. President, surely you're not accusing us?
:'''US President:''' Mr. Premier, I don't know what to think.
:'''Russian Premier:''' What has your intelligence turned out?
:'''Mamo:''' Gentlemen, if I may interrupt...
:'''US President:''' Who's that?!
:'''Mamo:''' My name is Mamo. ''[Starky stops the tape]''
:'''Starky:''' Now...
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah?
:'''Starky:''' The identification of that third voice is a matter of the utmost importance. Not only to this administration, but to the entire world. Please, listen carefully now. ''[he rewinds part of the tape, and continues playing]''
:'''Mamo:''' My name is Mamo. I am the living embodiment of [[brain|intelligence]]. A [[prophet]]... a [[God]] to you.
:'''Russian Premier:''' You’re a madman!
:'''US President:''' He’s a terrorist! Whoever he is, what kind of a God threatens humanity with universal apocalypse if he doesn’t get his way?!
:'''Mamo:''' I heard you weren’t much of a student in your school days, Mr. President... but apparently, even the [[Bible]] you thump so shamelessly is the Reader’s Digest edition. ''[Gordon stops the tape]''
:'''Jigen:''' Is that it?
:'''Starky:''' The rest is classified. But, as you heard the President himself confirm, this terrorist, whoever he is, clearly has the capacity to carry out his deadly threats.
:'''Jigen:''' &quot;Mamo&quot;? ''[lights a cigarette] '' You just heard him. So what have you got on him, anyway?
:'''Starky:''' Very little, apart from the fact that your friend, Mr. Lupin, appears to have been running some errands for him lately... which is where you come in. Tell us the location of Mamo's operation!
:'''Jigen:''' Hey, how in the hell should we know?
:'''Gordon:''' Well... I'd suggest you think very hard! We're able to lock people up without a trial these days, you know! ''[Jigen hands him Fujiko’s clue to Lupin’s whereabouts]'' Hm? What the hell is this?!
:'''Jigen:''' Here's all I've got for ya. Broad who's been playing him dropped it from a plane. It's her handwriting.
:'''Gordon:''' And what does this mean?
:'''Jigen:''' It means you're not completely clueless anymore.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[frustrated, he turns over the table, knocking Starky and Jigen backwards]'' Mess with me... ''[grabs Jigen by his shirt]'' aaannd... you're messing with ''America!''
:'''Jigen:''' Oh yeah? Is that so? And which America would that be, exactly?!
:'''Gordon:''' Huh? Which one?
:'''Jigen:''' Yeah. The beacon of freedom and democracy, or the bastion of... ''blind arrogance?!''
:'''Gordon:''' You... Democrat...!
:'''Starky:''' Gordon. I believe him. ''[whispers to Gordon]'' I suggest we check our other leads. ''[Gordon opens a door]'' Your country thanks you for your cooperation, Mr. Jigen. We will be in touch if we require anything further.
:'''Gordon:''' You keep your nose clean in the meantime! ''[closes the door]''
:'''Jigen:''' ''[straightening his jacket]'' Hm! Call ''me'' a Democrat, will ya?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin:''' Uh, excuse me, could you...? ''[freaks out upon seeing Napoleon Bonaparte's face]'' Huh... ''[bumps into Adolf Hitler and, recognizing the face, salutes him in a panic]'' Heil, mein Führer!
:'''Hitler:''' Hmm...
:''[Lupin relaxes after Hitler passes him by]''
:'''Lupin:''' Hm? Hm, no way. It can't be true.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo:''' Are you looking for something?
:'''Lupin:''' Are you the hospital director, or just another one of the inmates?
:'''Mamo:''' You seem to be under the misapprehension that this is some sort of an asylum for the insane. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth, Mr. Lupin. ''[turns to Lupin, revealing himself. Lupin gapes, horrified]''
:'''Lupin''': Uh...
:'''Mamo''': Yes, I am Mamo. I have obtained the Philosopher's Stone now.
:'''Lupin:''' You're the big scary bad guy?
:'''Mamo:''' Of course, I could have done it myself, but I simply wanted to test your mettle. Your reputation is well-deserved; you may indeed be the greatest thief ever.
:'''Lupin:''' Yeah, but it's not good for business when people rip ''me'' off!
:'''Mamo:''' What would you say if I told you that by way of compensation I was prepared to make an offer of eternal life?
:'''Lupin:''' I'd say that when it comes to living, more ain't necessarily more!
:'''Mamo:''' I see you personify the type of genius that's incapable of rational thought.
:'''Lupin:''' All I want is that Stone back! Now, just...! ''[charges at Mamo and almost falls off the platform]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[laughs]'' Something the matter, Mr. Lupin? No? Well, come along, then.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[steps on the invisible glass and continues charging at Mamo]'' I was giving you more credit than you deserve! ''[falls screaming through an invisible hole and makes a hard landing on his rear end]'' Oh, me and my big mouth...! ''[gets up as Mamo cackles at him]'' Hey, Mamo! You think that's so funny? Well, you'll be laughing on the other side of your mouth, you hear me?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zenigata''': Just think of me as the barnacle on your butt, Lupin, 'cause that's what I am!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin''': Now, where were we?
:'''Fujiko''': Hold on, Lupin. I have to tell you something.
:'''Lupin''': It can wait! Come on now...
:'''Fujiko''': ''[enjoying it]'' No, please, I'm serious!
:'''Lupin''': Come on!
:'''Fujiko''': No, stop! Ooh...
:''[The two lovers don't realize they've ended up in Mamo's throne room. Mamo stares at them, outraged]''
:'''Lupin''': It's all right, baby, we're all alone. ''[Fujiko tickles him]'' No fair! Cut it out! Resistance... ''[Fujiko knees him in the crotch]'' ...is futile!
:'''Mamo''': ''[finally at the end of his rope]'' IF YOU TWO ARE QUITE FINISHED!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mamo shows Lupin and Fujiko surveillance footage of Jigen and Goemon]''
:'''Mamo:''' ''[chuckling]'' Friends of yours, Lupin?
:'''Fujiko:''' Huh?!
:'''Lupin:''' How the hell did they get here?!
:'''Mamo:''' Ah, but wait. There's more!
:''[Inspector Zenigata, with a picture of Lupin, is shown questioning [[Laozi]] of his location]''
:'''Lupin:''' Zenigata! ''[laughs]'' He always said he'd follow me into the depths of Hell!
:'''Mamo:''' Look. He’s interrogating Laozi, the great ancient philosopher.
:'''Lupin:''' Or some fruitcake who thinks he's Laozi...
:'''Mamo:''' It ''is'' Laozi!
:'''Lupin:''' Okeydokey!
:''[Mamo shows them images of the people he has cloned]''
:'''Mamo:''' Laugh if you will, but this is the work of 10,000 years. A masterwork, if I say so myself. The leading lights of science, philosophy, art. All under one roof, and all are perfectly ''real''!
:'''Lupin:''' Hm! So, sort of a [[w:Noah's Ark|Noah's Ark]]?
:'''Mamo:''' Let's just say that if you've never given any thought about the world, starting now would either be a particularly good idea, or a pathetically pointless one, if you catch my drift, Mr. Lupin. 
:'''Lupin:''' Uh?!
:'''Mamo:''' Because [[w:Apocalypse|the time is nigh]], Mr. Lupin, but sadly the guest list is... quite short. Only the elite of history's most brilliant and beautiful people!
:'''Lupin:''' ''[apparently deep in thought]'' Oh, uh... I'm sorry to hear that. ''[chuckles, then laughs hysterically]''
:'''Mamo:''' I imagine you are.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[still laughing]'' No, I mean, it's just after all that work – an ugly, demented gnome like you isn't even eligible!
:'''Mamo:''' Huh. Quite annoying. That's exactly what I’m talking about, my dear Fujiko. Obviously, eternal life would be wasted on a vulgarian like that man there.
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[put off by Mamo's statement]'' Hm.
:'''Lupin:''' ''[mistaking 'vulgarian' for 'vegetarian']'' That's not true. I eat meat!
:'''Mamo:''' He's not even in our class. In fact, he's barely in our species!
:'''Fujiko:''' Well, if Lupin can't come along, I'm not interested.
:'''Mamo:''' Fujiko!
:'''Fujiko:''' No, Mamo. I'm sorry.
:'''Lupin:''' Hm?!
:'''Fujiko:''' He's hard enough to take now. Imagine him all grumpy and flabby!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The gang escape on the electric boat Jigen and Goemon had arrived in with an unconscious Lupin. Zenigata gets into a rowboat thinking it's attached.]''
:'''Zenigata:''' You guys think you're so smart, but this time I'm way ahead of ya! ''[a different rowboat is pulled along instead]'' Huh? What? How in the hell...?! I can't believe it! I'm not beat yet, ya hear? ''[as he starts rowing his boat manually, the bombs dropped by Gordon and Starky start falling around him]'' OH, NO! ''[He squeals and dives into the water. As shells fall around him, he clings to one, screaming like a little girl]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Inspector Zenigata and his Police Commissioner are eating in a Japanese restaurant in Colombia, Zenigata is rapidly eating a bowl of rice]''
:'''Commissioner:''' Inspector...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[stops eating, surprised]'' Hm?
:'''Commissioner:''' I know you're famished, but...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Huh?
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, people are staring!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Sorry, sir, it's just that I've been living on my own earwax for a week, and er...
:'''Commissioner:''' Ah, spare me the details, Inspector. I understand. You suffered greatly, sacrificed greatly for this department, haven't you? 
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I have! ''[sobs]''
:'''Commissioner:''' There, there...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[chomps on a radish, crying]'' You're so understanding! I don't... deserve a boss... like you... you're really the best! ''[breaks down in tears]''
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[hands him a handkerchief]'' Here, thank you.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[blows his nose]'' You've been patient, and generous, and kind, and I still haven't been able to capture Lupin! But I never, ever, give up!
:'''Commissioner:''' Yes, well, um...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' I'll never quit!
:'''Commissioner:''' It's all over.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Huh?
:'''Commissioner:''' I've been sent all the way down here to Colombia just to order you off the case. Lupin's gotten himself mixed up with some major players this time. I'm afraid it's way over our heads, Inspector. It's a matter for the diplomats at this point. ''[Zenigata stares ahead, stunned]'' Inspector...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' How can they... take me off this case?
:'''Commissioner:''' Well, as I said, the whole matter's completely out of my hands. Oh! By the by... ''[hands a small document with Zenigata’s name on it]'' a little bonus pay for all your hard work.
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Uhhh...
:'''Commissioner:''' Token of our appreciation. What was your daughter's name again, Toshiko? All grown up now, hm? ''[chuckles]'' Good life waiting for you back at home!
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' But I'm the only one in the world who can catch Lupin!
:'''Commissioner:''' ''[grunts apologetically]'' I'm so sorry...
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[shouting]'' That's not gonna cut it!
:'''Commissioner:''' Why, how dare you!
:''[Inspector Zenigata angrily growls, and tears up the bonus. He kicks away the table he and the Commissioner are eating at] ''
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' Well then, I resign! I'll chase the guy as a private citizen! ''[he storms out of the restaurant to the surprise of the customers, growling crazily]'' Outta my way!
:'''Commissioner:''' Inspector! Get back here! Are you mad?
:''[Inspector Zenigata stands on the outskirts of the city as the sun sets]'' 
:'''Inspector Zenigata:''' ''[narrating]'' Okay, Lupin... this is ''IT!'' You, me! Sun of Colombia, ¡mano a mano!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko:''' ''[referring to Mamo's promise of eternal life]'' I can't believe it. It was all a lie!
:'''Lupin:''' Maybe it wasn't. I think he was researching immortality...
:'''Jigen:''' He's just another wacky old rich guy.
:'''Lupin:''' Or a clone.
:'''Jigen:''' Say what?!
:'''Lupin:''' You said it yourself. The guy had the bucks to pull anything off! Technologically, it's not a big deal anymore. Just a little dab of DNA'll do ya, and theoretically, if you repeat the process over and over again, you – or, successive copies of you – could live forever.
:'''Jigen:''' Well, it certainly would explain the mystery of your dear departed doppelganger...
:'''Lupin:''' And a single strand of my hair is really all anybody would have needed to do it.
:'''Jigen:''' Anybody with a few billion dollars to play with...
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo''': What you call history is nothing more than my restless self-diversion. Cloning was my entrée to godhood.
:'''Lupin''': Are you saying I owe my very existence to you?
:'''Mamo''': ''[chuckling]'' Lupin, you're nothing but a random byproduct of my whim. And yet, being an idiot has its advantages. A smarter man than you might be tempted to wonder what really happened last spring. Was it the copy that was executed... or the original?
:'''Lupin''': Why, you son of a bitch! I know who the hell I am!
:'''Mamo''': You see, it's a philosophical riddle.
:''[He disappears, cackling]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jigen tries to prevent Lupin from confronting Mamo]''
:'''Jigen:''' Don't be a friggin' idiot!
:'''Lupin:''' That's just it... I'd be an idiot if I didn't go!
:'''Jigen:''' The world is full of women, Lupin.
:'''Lupin:''' It's lousy with women... but not with love.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''' Mamo:''' Yes. The process has its limitations.
:'''Fujiko:''' Limits?
:''' Older Mamo Clone:''' The transfer of the chromosomal data is never accomplished with complete fidelity. There are… anomalies, infinitesimally small in each case, but the cumulative effect of such - chaotic - pollution... can be observed after only a dozen or so generations, and what you see before you is a 130th generation facsimile. I am but a faint, distorted echo of myself.
:'''Lupin:''' But you were always distorted by your obsession.
:'''Older Mamo Clone:''' But is it not... everyone’s obsession? ''[dies]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mamo''': ''[seeing Lupin come towards him on the treadmill]'' You are so brave. Very well. If that's what you want, I'll grant you a hero's death. And since I'm feeling magnanimous, I'll even reveal to you, that it was your clone who died last spring! Now, REST! IN! PEACE!
:''[Laughing maniacally, he sends beams of lasers to home in on Lupin. Lupin holds up the tip of the Zantetsuken and deflects the beams back at Mamo]''
:'''Lupin''': ''[in thought]'' Thanks, Goemon... wherever you are.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lupin''': Uh, well, what if I told you that the real Lupin was the guy that got executed last spring?
:'''Zenigata''': Yeah? You can die a hundred more times for all I care, it doesn't change a thing! As long as there's even one of you left, I'll keep following you straight through the gates of Hell!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fujiko has escaped on Jigen's plane instead of Lupin]''
:'''Lupin''': I don't believe it!
:'''Zenigata''': ''[laughing]'' Serves you right, lover boy! ''[An explosion occurs behind the two men, causing them to fall over]'' Ow. 
:''[They get up and exchange glances]''
:'''Lupin''': Shall we?
:'''Zenigata''': Mm-hmm. Let's go, buddy!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fujiko''': ''[seeing Lupin and Zenigata retreat chained together]'' You'd never know they were sworn enemies.
:'''Jigen''': Like you and him, minus the masochism.

== Taglines==
* Will love defeat an eternal evil?
* Sometimes, being able to put together a world-class art collection takes a thief... this time it takes an extraordinary thief!
* Lupin III vs. Clone! Who changes the world? Who?
* Who is destroying the Earth? Mankind in peril!
* The secret is hidden in a stone!
* Mamaux calls himself God. Who is he?
* What can Arsène Lupin's grandson do? Can he save the world? Lupin III can do anything!

==Cast==
{| class=&quot;wikitable&quot;
|-
! Character
! Japanese
! English ([[w:Toho|Toho]]/Frontier, 1978)
! English ([[w:Streamline Pictures|Streamline]], 1995)
! English ([[w:Manga Entertainment|Manga UK]], 1996)
! English ([[w:Unbound Creative, Inc.|Phuuz]]/[[w:Geneon Universal Entertainment|Geneon]], 2003)
|-
| '''Arsène Lupin III/Wolf III''' ||[[w:Yasuo Yamada|Yasuo Yamada]] || Tom Clark || [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] || [[w:William Dufris|Bill Dufris]] || [[w:Tony Oliver|Tony Oliver]]
|-
| '''Fujiko Mine/Margo''' || [[w:Eiko Masuyama|Eiko Masuyama]] || Patricia Kobayashi || [[w: Edie Mirman|Edie Mirman]] || [[w:Toni Barry|Toni Barry]] || [[w:Michelle Ruff|Michelle Ruff]]
|-
| '''Howard Lockewood/Foward Fughes/Haward Lockewood (Mamo/Mamaux)''' || [[w: Kō Nishimura|Kō Nishimura]] || Mike Worman || [[w:Robert Axelrod (actor)|Robert Axelrod]] || Allan Wenger || [[w:Paul St. Peter|Paul St. Peter]]
|-
| '''Daisuke Jigen/Dan Dunn''' || [[w:Kiyoshi Kobayashi|Kiyoshi Kobayashi]] || Cliff Harrington || [[w:Steve Bulen|Steve Bulen]] || Eric Meyers || [[w:Richard Epcar|Richard Epcar]]
|-
| '''Goemon Ishikawa XIII/Don Samurai/Goemon the Samurai''' || [[w: Makio Inoue|Makio Inoue]] || William Ross || [[w:Ardwight Chamberlain|Ardwight Chamberlain]] || [[w:Garrick Hagon|Garrick Hagon]] || [[w:Lex Lang|Lex Lang]]
|-
| '''Inspector Heiji Zenigata VII/Detective Ed Scott/Detective Zenigata''' || [[w: Gorō Naya|Gorō Naya]] || Greg Starr || [[w:David Povall|David Povall]] || [[w:Sean Barrett (actor)|Seán Barrett]] || [[w:Dan Lorge|Dan Lorge]]
|-
| '''Heinrich &quot;Starky/Stuckey&quot; Gissinger''' || [[w: Tōru Ōhira|Tōru Ōhira]] || Frank Rogers || [[w:Steve Kramer (actor)|Steve Kramer]] || John Baddeley || [[w:Joey D'Auria|Osgood W. Glick]]
|-
| '''Special Agent Gordon''' || [[w:Hidekatsu Shibata|Hidekatsu Shibata]] || Don Knode || [[w: Michael Forest|Michael Forest]] || William Roberts || [[w:Michael McConnohie|Michael McConnohie]]
|-
| '''Police Commissioner''' || [[w:Kōsei Tomita|Kōsei Tomita]] || William Ross || [[w:Jeff Winkless|Jeff Winkless]] || John Baddeley || [[w:Richard Cansino|Richard Cansino]]
|-
| '''Egyptian Police Chief''' || [[w:Haruo Minami|Haruo Minami]] || Joseph Zuccati  || [[w:Steve Kramer (actor)|Steve Kramer]] || John Baddeley || [[w:Richard Cansino|Richard Cansino]]
|-
| '''US President''' || [[w:Fujio Akatsuka|Fujio Akatsuka]] || John Armstrong || [[w:Steve Kramer (actor)|Steve Kramer]] || [[w:Sean Barrett (actor)|Seán Barrett]] || [[w:Richard Cansino|Richard Cansino]]
|-
| '''Chief Secretary/Boris/Soviet Premier''' || [[w: Ikki Kajiwara|Ikki Kajiwara]] || Joseph Zuccati || [[w:Jeff Winkless|Jeff Winkless]] || William Roberts || [[w:Richard Cansino|Richard Cansino]]
|}

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title| id=0078187 | title=Lupin the 3rd: The Mystery of Mamo}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Mystery of Mamo, The}}
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  <page>
    <title>Bill Nye the Science Guy</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="5809" sha1="34rxjftt406fi4lyan1s8b04oh5w833" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}} 
:''This article is about an educational television program. For the American science educator, see [[Bill Nye]].''

[[File:1999 Bill Nye receives Public Service Award from National Science Board.png|thumb|''[[w:Bill Nye the Science Guy|Bill Nye the Science Guy]]'' staff [[Bill Nye]] and Elizabeth Brock receiving Public Service Award from the [[w:National Science Board|National Science Board]] (1999)]]
'''''[[w:Bill Nye the Science Guy|Bill Nye the Science Guy]]''''' is an American live action educational comedy [[w:television program|television program]] that originally aired from September 10, 1993 to June 20, 1998. The half-hour show hosted by [[Bill Nye|William &quot;Bill&quot; Nye]]. The show aired on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] and was also [[w:television syndication|syndicated]] to local stations. His show, lasted for five seasons, and aired for a total of 100 half-hour episodes. The show is frequently used in schools as an education medium, and it still airs on some PBS stations for this reason. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

==Quotes==
[[File:1996 Space Sciences Laboratory Hosts Bill Nye the Science Guy.jpg|thumb|[[w:NASA|NASA]] publicizing that the [[w:Marshall Space Flight Center|Marshall Space Flight Center]] and the [[w:Space Sciences Laboratory|Space Sciences Laboratory]] hosted ''[[w:Bill Nye the Science Guy|Bill Nye the Science Guy]]'' in 1996]]
*Science rules!
**[[w:Tagline|Tagline]] of host [[Bill Nye]] on the show &amp;mdash; cited in: 
***{{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|page=13D|title='Bill Nye' makes science fun for kids|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=October 2, 1993|author=Paul Lomartire|location=Florida}}
***{{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|title=2 cool Saturday shows feed kids' curiosity about science|work=The Commercial Appeal |date= October 2, 1993|author= Tom Walter|page=C2}} 

*We're all just a bunch of bones.
**Episode about bones and muscles &amp;mdash; cited in: {{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|page=F01|title=Science Guy mixes fun and lessons Bill Nye combines zany humor, music and gags with solid scientific facts|work=The Philadelphia Inquirer|date=September 19, 1994|author=Susan FitzGerald}}

*Get a metal spoon - the bigger and shinier the better. A good soup spoon is best. Look at the back side - the side that won't hold any soup. Your nose is a little big, but you look like you. Now, turn it over so that you're looking at the scoop side. You're upside down? To see why this happens, think of lines of light traveling to the spoon and back to your eye. Since the spoon is curbed, the light hits it at an angle. That means it bounces off at an angle, too. The angle is sharp enough to make the top and bottom cross on the reflected light's way back to your eye.
**Episode: 'Playing with Spoons' &amp;mdash; cited in: {{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|page=F01|title=Science Guy mixes fun and lessons Bill Nye combines zany humor, music and gags with solid scientific facts|work=The Philadelphia Inquirer|date=September 19, 1994|author=Susan FitzGerald}}


*Anyway, here's the deal. All animals, including you and me, need oxygen to breathe. Animals breathe in oxygen, breathe out carbon dioxide; plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen. So even if you're never going to eat my broccoli again, all animals, and that includes you, pal, need plants because we need oxygen to breathe.
**Episode educating children about the [[w:food chain|food chain]] &amp;mdash; cited in: {{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|page=G01|title=TV science fast-paced. Stimulating. Adventurous. Programs from Bill Nye the Science Guy to Beakman's World are opening young viewers' eyes|work=The Philadelphia Inquirer|location=Pennsylvania|date=April 3, 1995|author=Stephen Seplow}}

*OK, the suit's pressurized, cooling water's flowing, the breathing air is pumped in. If you think about it, it's a spaceship . . . for ONE!
**Episode about spaceflight filmed on location at [[w:Marshall Space Flight Center|Marshall Space Flight Center]], Nye discussing functions of a spacesuit &amp;mdash; cited in: {{cite news|via=[[w:NewsBank|NewsBank]]|page=A1|title=Bill! Bill! Bill!' the Science Guy taping space program |work=The Huntsville Times|location=Alabama|date=October 17, 1996|author=Martin Burkey}}

==See also==
*[[Astronomy]]
*[[Education]]
*[[Mechanical engineering]]
*[[Science]]
*[[Science education]]

==Dialogue==
:'''Bill''': Here we go.
( ''aquel white door down at once'' )

( '' water splashs'' )

==Episodes==
# Blood and Circulation
# Light and Color
# Spinning Thinks
# Nurtition
# Seasons
# Heart
# Storms
# Inventions - Shed of Science
# Deserts

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Bill Nye the Science Guy}}
{{Commonscat|Bill Nye the Science Guy}}
{{wikidata|Bill Nye the Science Guy}}
* [http://www.billnye.com Bill Nye, The Science Lab Official Site]
* [http://dep.disney.go.com/billnye.html Bill Nye, The Science Guy] at [[w:Disney.com|Disney.com]]
* {{IMDb title|title=Bill Nye, the Science Guy|id=0173528}}
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQU0QHLQ2c Episode Review &quot;The Sun&quot;, Deep Yellow's &quot;My Favorite Star&quot;.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yis7GzlXNM Video (02:47)] - Epic Rap Battle of History: [[Sir Isaac Newton]] vs Bill Nye

[[Category:1990s American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American sketch comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:Documentary television series and miniseries]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Syndicated shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
[[Category:Toon Disney shows]]</text>
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    <title>Category:Films about mummies</title>
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  <page>
    <title>List of films (A–C)</title>
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      <text bytes="39566" sha1="e1rnzjhk5txeryxb30mrz0pgrkk6pk0" xml:space="preserve">__NOTOC__

This is a '''list of films:'''
----
[[List of films (A–C)##|#]] - [[List of films (A–C)#A|A]] -
[[List of films (A–C)#B|B]] - [[List of films (A–C)#C|C]] -
[[List of films (D–F)#D|D]] - [[List of films (D–F)#E|E]] -
[[List of films (D–F)#F|F]] - [[List of films (G–I)#G|G]] -
[[List of films (G–I)#H|H]] - [[List of films (G–I)#I|I]] -
[[List of films (J–L)#J|J]] - [[List of films (J-L)#K|K]] -
[[List of films (J-L)#L|L]] - [[List of films (M-O)#M|M]] -
[[List of films (M-O)#N|N]] - [[List of films (M-O)#O|O]] -
[[List of films (P–S)#P|P]] - [[List of films (P–S)#Q|Q]] -
[[List of films (P–S)#R|R]] - [[List of films (P–S)#S|S]] -
[[List of films (T–V)#T|T]] - [[List of films (T–V)#U|U]] -
[[List of films (T–V)#V|V]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#W|W]] -
[[List of films (W–Z)#X|X]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Y|Y]] -
[[List of films (W–Z)#Z|Z]]

==Existing==
===#===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[3 Idiots]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas (film)|3 Ninjas]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas Kick Back]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas Knuckle Up]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain]]''
*''[[3:10 to Yuma (2007 film)|3:10 to Yuma]]''
*''[[7 Faces of Dr. Lao]]''
*''[[8 Mile]]'' 
*''[[8 Seconds]]''
*''[[9 (2009 animated film)|9]]'' (2009 animated)
*''[[10 Things I Hate About You]]''
*[[The 10th Kingdom|''10th Kingdom'', ''The'']]
*''[[12 Angry Men]]''
*''[[12 Years a Slave (film)|12 Years a Slave]]''
*''[[13 Going on 30]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi]]''
*[[The 13th Warrior|''13th Warrior'', ''The'']]
*''[[14 Carrot Rabbit]]''
*''[[17 Again]]''
*''[[20th Century Women]]''
*''[[21 Grams]]''
*''[[22 vs. Earth]]''
*''[[25th Hour]]''
*''[[27 Dresses]]''
*''[[28 Days Later]]''
*''[[28 Weeks Later]]''
*''[[30 Days of Night (film)|30 Days of Night]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[40 Days and 40 Nights (film)|40 Days and 40 Nights]]''
*[[The 40 Year-Old Virgin|''40 Year-Old Virgin'', ''The'']]
*''[[50 First Dates]]''
*''[[50/50 (2011 film)|50/50]]'' (2011)
*[[The 400 Blows|''400 Blows'', ''The'']]
*''[[127 Hours]]''
*''[[300 (film)|300]]''
*''[[(500) Days of Summer]]''
*''[[1408 (film)|1408]]''
*''[[1941 (film)|1941]]''
*''[[1969 (film)|1969]]''
*''[[2001: A Space Odyssey]]''
*''[[2010: The Year We Make Contact]]''
*''[[2012 (film)|2012]]''
*''[[2046 (film)|2046]]''
*''[[2081 (film)|2081]]''
*''[[3000 Miles to Graceland]]''
*''[[20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (film)|20,000 Leagues Under the Sea]]''
*''[[The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T|5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, The]]''
{{Col-end}}

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Abominable]]''
*''[[About Last Night...]]''
*''[[About Last Night (2014 film)|About Last Night]]''
*''[[About Schmidt]]''
*''[[About Time]]''
*''[[Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (film)|Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''
*''[[Absence of Malice]]''
*''[[Absolute Power (film)|Absolute Power]]''
*''[[Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie]]''
*[[The Accidental Tourist (film)|''Accidental Tourist'', ''The'']]
*[[The Accused (1988 film)|''Accused'', ''The'']] (1988)
*''[[Ace Ventura: Pet Detective]]''
*''[[Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls]]''
*''[[Across the Universe]]''
*''[[Act of Valor]]''
*''[[Adam's Rib]]''
*[[The Addams Family|''Addams Family'', ''The'']] (1991)
* ''[[The Addams Family (2019 film)|Addams Family, The]]'' (2019)
* ''[[The Addams Family 2|Addams Family 2, The]]''
*[[The Adjustment Bureau|''Adjustment Bureau'', ''The'']]
*[[The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996 film)|''Adventures of Pinocchio'', ''The'']] (1996)
*[[The Adventures of Robin Hood (film)|''Adventures of Robin Hood'', ''The'']]
*[[The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle|''Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (film)|Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The]]''
*[[The Adventures of Tintin (film)|''Adventures of Tintin'', ''The'']]
*[[The Affair of the Necklace|''Affair of the Necklace'', ''The'']]
*''[[A Simple Wish]]''
*''[[After Dark, My Sweet]]''
*''[[After Everything (2018 film)|After Everything]]'' (2018)
*''[[After Hours (film)|After Hours]]''
*''[[After Sex]]''
*''[[Aftersun]]''
*''[[Age of Summer]]''
*''[[Aguirre, the Wrath of God]]''
*''[[A.I. Artificial Intelligence]]''
*''[[Air Bud]]''
*''[[Air Force One]]''
*''[[Airplane!]]''
*''[[Airplane II: The Sequel]]''
*''[[Airport (film)|Airport]]''
*''[[Airport 1975]]''
*''[[Airport '77]]''
*''[[Akeelah and the Bee]]''
*''[[Akira]]''
*''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]''
* ''[[Aladdin (2019 film)|Aladdin]]'' (2019)
*''[[Aladdin and the King of Thieves]]''
*[[The Alamo (1960 film)|''Alamo'', ''The'']] (1960)
*''[[Alaska (1996 film)|Alaska]]'' (1996)
*''[[Albatross (film)|Albatross]]''
*''[[Albino Alligator]]''
*''[[Allegro Non Troppo]]''
*''[[Alexander (film)|Alexander]]''
*''[[Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (film)|Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day]]''
*''[[Alfie (1966 film)|Alfie]]'' (1966)
*''[[Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore]]''
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1915 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1915)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1951)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1976 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1976)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (2010 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (2010)
* ''[[Alice Through the Looking Glass (film)|Alice Through the Looking Glass]]''
*''[[Alien (film)|Alien]]''
*''[[Alien 3]]''
*''[[Aliens (1986 film)|Aliens]]'' (1986)
*''[[Aliens in the Attic]]''
* ''[[Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem]]''
*''[[Alive (1993 film)|Alive]]'' (1993)
*''[[All a Bir-r-r-d]]''
*''[[All About Eve]]''
*''[[All About My Mother]]''
*''[[All About Steve (film)|All About Steve]]''
*''[[All American Bikini Car Wash]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[All Dogs Go to Heaven]]''
*''[[All Dogs Go to Heaven 2]]''
*''[[All of Me]]''
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (1930)
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (1979 film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (1979)
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (2022 film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (2022)
*''[[All Summers End]]''
*''[[All the Bright Places (2012 film)|All the Bright Places]]''
*''[[All the President's Men]]''
*''[[All the Right Moves]]''
*''[[Almost Famous]]''
*''[[Almost Heroes]]''
*''[[Aloha (2015 film)|Aloha]]''
*''[[Along Came a Spider]]''
*''[[Along for the Ride (film)|Along for the Ride]]''
*''[[Alpha Dog]]''
*''[[Alpha and Omega]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks (film)|Alvin and the Chipmunks]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel]]''
*''[[Always Be My Maybe]]''
*''[[Am I OK?]]''
*''[[Amarcord]]''
* ''[[The Amazing Panda Adventure|Amazing Panda Adventure, The]]''
*[[The Amazing Spider-Man (2012 film)|''Amazing Spider-Man'', ''The'']] (2012)
*[[The Amazing Spider-Man 2|''Amazing Spider-Man 2'', ''The'']]
*''[[American Beauty]]''
*''[[America (1924 film)|America]]'' (1924)
*''[[America (2014 film)|America]]'' (2014)
*''[[American Chai]]''
*''[[American Fiction (film)|American Fiction]]''
*''[[American Gangster (film)|American Gangster]]''
*''[[American Graffiti]]''
*''[[American High School (2009 film)|American High School]]''
*''[[American History X]]''
*''[[American Honey (film)|American Honey]]''
*''[[American Hustle (2013 film)|American Hustle]]'' (2013)
*[[An American in Paris|''American in Paris'', ''An'']]
*''[[American Made (film)|American Made]]''
*''[[American Me]]''
*''[[American Pie (film)|American Pie]]''
*''[[American Pie 2]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Band Camp]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Beta House]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Girls' Rules]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: The Book Of love]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile]]''
*''[[American Psycho]]''
*''[[American Reunion]]''
*''[[American Sniper (film)|American Sniper]]''
*[[An American Tail|''American Tail'', ''An'']]
*[[An American Tail: Fievel Goes West|''American Tail: Fievel Goes West'', ''An'']]
*''[[American Wedding]]''
*[[The Americanization of Emily|''Americanization of Emily'', ''The'']]
*''[[Amistad (film)|Amistad]]''
*[[The Amityville Horror (2005 film)|''Amityville Horror'', ''The'']] (2005)
*''[[Amour (2012 film)|Amour]]'' (2012)
* ''[[Anaconda]]''
* ''[[Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid]]''
* ''[[Analyze This]]''
*''[[Anastasia (1997 film)|Anastasia]]'' (1997)
*''[[Anatomy of a Murder]]''
*''[[Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy]]''
*''[[Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues]]''
*''[[...And Justice for All (film)|…And Justice For All]]''
*''[[And the Band Played On (film)|And the Band Played On]]''
*''[[Angel Eyes]]''
*''[[Angel Heart]]''
*''[[Angels &amp; Demons (film)|Angels &amp; Demons]]''
*''[[Angels in the Outfield (1994 film)|Angels in the Outfield]]'' (1994)
*''[[Angels Over Broadway]]''
*''[[Angels with Dirty Faces]]''
*''[[Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[The Angry Birds Movie|Angry Birds Movie, The]]''
* ''[[The Angry Birds Movie 2|Angry Birds Movie 2, The]]''
*''[[Animal Farm (1999 film)|Animal Farm]]'' (1999)
*''[[Animal Crackers]]''
*''[[Animal House]]''
*''[[Anna and the King]]''
*''[[Anna Karenina (2012 film)|Anna Karenina]]'' (2012)
*''[[Annie (2014 film)]]''
*''[[Annie (musical)|Annie]]''
*''[[Annie Hall]]''
*''[[Anora]]''
*''[[Another Cinderella Story]]''
*[[The Ant Bully (film)|''Ant Bully'', ''The'']]
*''[[Antitrust]]''
*''[[Ant-Man (film)|Ant-Man]]''
*''[[Antwone Fisher (film)|Antwone Fisher]]''
*''[[Antz]]''
*''[[Anyone But You]]''
*''[[Anything's Possible (2022 film)|Anything's Possible]]''
*''[[Apocalypse Now]]''
*''[[Apocalypto]]''
*''[[Apollo 13]]''
*''[[Apt Pupil (film)|Apt Pupil]]''
*''[[Aquaman (film)|Aquaman]]''
*''[[Architecture Life Dialogue]]''
*''[[Are We Done Yet?]]''
*''[[Are We There Yet? (film)|Are We There Yet?]]''
*''[[Argo (2012 film)|Argo]]'' (2012)
*[[The Aristocats|''Aristocats'', ''The'']]
*[[The Art of Racing in the Rain (film)|''Art of Racing in the Rain'', ''The'']]
*''[[Armageddon (film)|Armageddon]]''
*''[[Around the World in 80 Days (1956 film)|Around the World in 80 Days]]'' (1956)
*''[[Around the World in 80 Days (2004 film)|Around the World in 80 Days]]'' (2004)
*''[[Arrival (film)|Arrival]]''
*''[[Arsenic and Old Lace]]''
*''[[Arthur (film)|Arthur]]''
*''[[As Good As It Gets]]''
*''[[Ask Me to Dance (2022 film)|Ask Me to Dance]]''
*''[[Assassination Games]]''
*''[[Assassination of a High School President]]''
*[[The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford|''Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford'', ''The'']]
*''[[At First Sight]]''
*''[[Atlantic City (1980 film)|Atlantic City]]'' (1980)
*''[[Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]''
*''[[ATM (film)|ATM]]''
*''[[Atonement (film)|Atonement]]''
*''[[Attack of the 50 Foot Woman]]''
*''[[Attack of the Crab Monsters]]''
*''[[Attack of the Giant Leeches]]''
*''[[Atoll K]]''
*''[[Au revoir les enfants]]''
*''[[August Rush]]''
*''[[Auntie Mame]]''
*''[[Austin Powers in Goldmember]]''
*''[[Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery]]''
*''[[Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me]]''
*''[[Australia (film)|Australia]]''
*''[[Avalon (1990 film)|Avalon]]'' (1990)
*''[[Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]''
*''[[Avatar: The Way of Water]]''
*[[The Avengers (2012 film)|''Avengers'', ''The'']] (2012)
*''[[Avengers: Age of Ultron]]''
*''[[Avengers: Endgame]]''
*''[[Avengers: Infinity War]]''
*[[The Aviator|''Aviator'', ''The'']]
*''[[Away from Her]]''
*''[[That Awkward Moment|Awkward Moment, That]]''
*''[[Awkward Sexy People]]''
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Babar: The Movie]]''
*''[[Babar: King of the Elephants]]''
*''[[Babe (film)|Babe]]''
*''[[Babe: Pig in the City]]''
*[[The Babe|''Babe'', ''The'']]
*''[[Babylon A.D]]''
*''[[Bachelor Mother]]''
*''[[Bachelorette]]''
*''[[Back to School]]''
*''[[Back to School with Franklin]]''
*''[[Back to the Future]]''
*''[[Back to the Future Part II]]''
*''[[Back to the Future Part III]]''
*''[[Backdraft (film)|Backdraft]]''
*''[[Backrooms]]''
*[[The Bad and the Beautiful|''Bad and the Beautiful'', ''The'']] 
*''[[Bad Boys (1995 film)|Bad Boys]]'' (1995)
*''[[Bad Boys II]]''
*''[[Bad Day at Black Rock]]''
*''[[Bad Moms]]''
*''[[Bad Neighbors (2014 film)|Bad Neighbors]]'' (2014)
*''[[Bad Neighbors 2]]''
*''[[Bad Santa]]''
*''[[Bad Taste]]''
*''[[Badlands (film)|Badlands]]''
*''[[Balto]]''
*''[[Bambi]]''
*''[[Bambi II]]''
*''[[Banana Split (2018 film)|Banana Split]]''
*''[[Bananas (film)|Bananas]]''
*''[[The Banshees of Inisherin|Banshees of Inisherin, The]]''
*''[[Barbarella]]''
*''[[Barbarian (2022 film)|Barbarian]]'' (2022) 
*''[[Barcelona (film)|Barcelona]]''
*''[[Barely Legal (2011 film)|Barely Legal]]''
*''[[Barney's Great Adventure]]''
*''[[Barry Lyndon]]''
*''[[Barton Fink]]''
*''[[BASEketball]]''
*''[[Basic Instinct (film)|Basic Instinct]]''
*''[[Basic Instinct 2]]''
*''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' (1989)
*''[[Batman Begins]]''
*''[[Batman Forever]]''
*''[[Batman Returns]]''
*''[[Batman &amp; Robin (film)|Batman and Robin]]''
*''[[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]]''
*''[[Battle Beyond the Stars]]''
*''[[Battle: Los Angeles]]''
*''[[The Battle of Algiers|Battle of Algiers, The]]''
*[[The Battle of San Pietro|''Battle of San Pietro'', ''The'']]
*''[[Battle Royale]]''
*''[[Be Kind Rewind]]''
*[[The Beach|''Beach'', ''The'']]
*''[[Beaches (film)|Beaches]]''
*''[[Bean (1997 film)|Bean]]'' (1997)
*''[[Beasts of the Southern Wild]]''
*[[The Beast of Yucca Flats|''Beast of Yucca Flats'', ''The'']]
*''[[Beau Geste (1939 film)|Beau Geste]]'' (1939)
*''[[Beautiful Disaster (2023 film)|Beautiful Disaster]]''
*''[[Beautiful Girls (film)|Beautiful Girls]]''
*[[A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood|''Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood'', ''A'']]
*[[A Beautiful Mind (film)|''Beautiful Mind'', ''A'']]
*''[[Beautiful Thing]]''
*''[[Beautiful Wedding]]''
*''[[Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (1991)
*''[[Beauty and the Beast (2017 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (2017)
*''[[Beauty Shop]]''
*''[[Beavis and Butthead Do America]]''
*''[[Becoming Jane]]''
*''[[Bedazzled (1967 film)|Bedazzled]]'' (1967)
*''[[Bedazzled (2000 film)|Bedazzled]]'' (2000)
*''[[Bedknobs and Broomsticks]]''
*''[[Bedtime Stories (film)|Bedtime Stories]]''
*''[[Bee Movie]]''
*''[[Bee Season]]''
*''[[Beerfest]]''
*''[[Beetlejuice]]''
*''[[Before I Fall (film)|Before I Fall]]''
*''[[Before Midnight (film)|Before Midnight]]''
*''[[Before Sunrise]]''
*''[[Before Sunset]]''
*''[[Beginners]]''
*''[[Behind Enemy Lines]]''
*''[[Behind the Candelabra]]''
*''[[Being John Malkovich]]''
*''[[Being There]]''
*''[[Belfast (film)|Belfast]]''
*[[The Believer (film)|''Believer'', ''The'']]
*''[[Ben 10: Alien Swarm]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Race Against Time]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Secret of the Omnitrix]]''
*''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)|Ben-Hur]]'' (1959)
*''[[Bend It Like Beckham]]''
*''[[Benny &amp; Joon]]''
*''[[Beowulf]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Berlin, I Love You]]''
*''[[Best in Show]]''
*''[[Best Laid Plans (1999 film)|Best Laid Plans]]''
*[[The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas|''Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Best of Me (2014 film)|Best of Me, The]]'' (2014)
*[[The Best Years of Our Lives|''Best Years of Our Lives'', ''The'']]
*''[[Better Off Dead]]''
*''[[Better Than Chocolate]]''
*[[A Better Tomorrow|''Better Tomorrow'', ''A'']]
*''[[Beverly Hills Chihuahua]]''
*''[[Beverly Hills Cop II]]''
*''[[Beverly Hills Cop III]]''
*''[[Beyond the Law (1993 film)|Beyond the Law]]'' (1993)
*''[[Beyond the Valley of the Dolls]]''
*''[[Beyond the Sea (film)|Beyond the Sea]]'' (2004)
*''[[Bicentennial Man (film)|Bicentennial Man]]''
*''[[Bicycle Thieves]]''
*''[[Big (film)|Big]]''
*[[The Big Chill (film)|''Big Chill'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Daddy]]''
*[[The Big Easy (film)|''Big Easy'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Fat Liar]]''
*''[[Big Fish]]''
*''[[Big Hero 6]]''
*[[The Big Lebowski|''Big Lebowski'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Night]]''
*''[[The Big Red One|Big Red One, The]]''
*''[[The Big Short (film)|Big Short, The]]''
*[[The Big Sleep (1946 film)|''Big Sleep'', ''The'']] (1946)
*''[[Big Time Movie]]''
*''[[Big Top Bunny]]''
*''[[Big Top Pee-wee]]''
*''[[Big Trouble]]''
*''[[Big Trouble in Little China]]''
*''[[Bikini Model Academy]]''
*''[[Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey]]''
*''[[Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure]]''
*''[[Billy &amp; Mandy's Big Boogey Adventure]]''
*''[[Billy Elliot]]''
*''[[Billy Madison]]''
*''[[Birdman (film)|Birdman]]''
*''[[Birds of a Father]]''
* ''[[Birds of Prey (2020 film)|Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)]]''
*[[The Birds|''Birds'', ''The'']]
*''[[Black Book]]''
*[[The Black Cat (1934 film)|''Black Cat'', ''The'']] (1934)
* [[The Black Cauldron|''Black Cauldron'', ''The'']]
*''[[Black Christmas (1974 film)|Black Christmas]]'' (1974)
*''[[Black Christmas (2006 film)|Black Christmas]]'' (2006)
*''[[Black Hawk Down]]''
*[[The Black Hole|''Black Hole'', ''The'']]
*''[[BlacKkKlansman]]''
* ''[[Black Panther (film)|Black Panther]]''
*''[[The Black Phone|Black Phone, The]]''
*''[[Black Rain]]''
*''[[Black Scorpion (film)|Black Scorpion]]'' (1995)
*''[[The Black Scorpion (film)|The Black Scorpion]]'' (1957)
*''[[Black Sheep]]''
*''[[Black Swan (film)|Black Swan]]''
*''[[Blackboard Jungle]]''
*''[[Blade (film)|Blade]]''
*''[[Blade II]]''
*''[[Blade Runner]]''
*''[[Blade: Trinity]]''
*''[[Blades of Glory (film)|Blades of Glory]]''
*[[The Blair Witch Project|''Blair Witch Project'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blazing Saddles]]''
*''[[Blind Date (1987 film)|Blind Date]]'' (1987)
*''[[Blind Dating]]''
*''[[Blinded by the Light (2019 film)|Blinded by the Light]]'' (2019)
*''[[Blinky Bill the Movie]]''
*[[The Blob|''Blob'', ''The'']] (1958)
*''[[Blockers (film)|Blockers]]''
*''[[Blood Diamond]]''
*''[[Blood Feast]]''
*''[[The Blood on Satan's Claw|Blood on Satan's Claw, The]]''
*''[[Blood Simple]]''
*''[[Blow (film)|Blow]]''
*''[[Blow Out]]''
*''[[Blown Away (1994 film)|Blown Away]]'' (1994)
*''[[Blue Chips]]''
*''[[Blue Collar (film)|Blue Collar]]''
*''[[The Blue Dahlia|Blue Dahlia, The]]''
*''[[Blue Jasmine]]''
*[[The Blue Lagoon|''Blue Lagoon'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blue Lagoon: The Awakening]]''
*''[[Blue Moon (2025 film)|Blue Moon]]''
*''[[Blue Velvet]]''
*''[[Blue's Big Musical Movie]]''
*[[The Blues Brothers|''Blues Brothers'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blues Brothers 2000]]''
*''[[Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice]]''
*''[[Bob Marley: One Love]]''
*''[[Bohemian Rhapsody (film)|Bohemian Rhapsody]]''
*''[[Body Heat]]''
*''[[Body of Lies]]''
*''[[Boiler Room]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[The Bold Caballero|Bold Caballero, The]]''
*''[[Bolt (2008 film)|Bolt]]'' (2008)
*''[[Bonnie and Clyde]]''
*''[[Boogeyman]]''
*[[The Book of Life (2014 film)|''Book of Life'', ''The'']]
*[[The Book of Pooh: Stories from the Heart|''Book of Pooh: Stories from the Heart'', ''The'']]
*''[[Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2]]''
*[[The Book Thief (film)|''Book Thief'', ''The'']]
*''[[Booksmart]]'' 
*[[The Boondock Saints|''Boondock Saints'', ''The'']]
*''[[Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan]]''
*''[[Borat Subsequent Moviefilm]]''
*''[[Born Guilty]]''
*''[[Born on the Fourth of July]]''
*[[The Boss (2016 film)|''Boss'', ''The'']] (2016)
* [[The Boss Baby: Family Business|''Boss Baby: Family Business'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bottle Rocket]]''
*''[[Bottoms (film)|Bottoms]]''
*''[[Bound]]''
*''[[The Bounty Hunter (2010 film)|Bounty Hunter, The]]'' (2010)
*[[The Bourne Identity|''Bourne Identity'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Legacy|''Bourne Legacy'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Supremacy|''Bourne Supremacy'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Ultimatum|''Bourne Ultimatum'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bowling for Columbine]]''
*''[[Box-Office Bunny]]''
*[[A Boy Named Charlie Brown|''Boy Named Charlie Brown'', ''A'']]
*''[[Boyhood (film)|Boyhood]]''
*[[The Boys from Brazil (film)|''Boys from Brazil'', ''The'']]
* ''[[The Boys Next Door (1985 film)|Boys Next Door, The]]''
*''[[Boys Town (film)|Boys Town]]''
*''[[Boyz n the Hood]]''
*''[[Braindead]]''
*''[[Brassed Off]]''
*''[[Brave (2012 film)|Brave]]'' (2012)
*''[[Braveheart]]''
*''[[The Brave Little Toaster (film)|Brave Little Toaster, The]]''
*''[[The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars|Brave Little Toaster, The Goes to Mars]]''
*''[[Brazil (film)|Brazil]]''
*''[[Breakfast at Tiffany's]]''
*[[The Breakfast Club|''Breakfast Club'', ''The'']]
*''[[Breaking Away]]''
*''[[Breaking Up]]''
*''[[Breakthrough (2019 film)|Breakthrough]]''
*''[[Brian's Song]]''
*''[[Bride of Chucky]]''
*''[[Bride Wars]]''
*''[[Bridge of Spies (film)|Bridge of Spies]]''
*[[The Bridge on the River Kwai|''Bridge on the River Kwai'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bridge to Terabithia (2007 film)|Bridge to Terabithia]]'' (2007)
*''[[Bridget Jones's Diary]]''
*''[[Bring It On (film)|Bring It On]]''
*''[[Bring It On Again]]''
*''[[Bring It On: All or Nothing]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Cheer or Die]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Fight to the Finish]]''
*''[[Bring It On: In It to Win It]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack]]''
*''[[Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia]]''
*''[[Bringing Up Baby]]''
*''[[Broadcast News (film)|Broadcast News]]''
*''[[Brokeback Mountain]]''
*''[[Broken Arrow]]''
*''[[The Broken Hearts Gallery|Broken Hearts Gallery, The]]''
*[[A Bronx Tale|''Bronx Tale'', ''A'']]
*[[Brooklyn (film)|''Brooklyn'']]
*''[[Brothers (2009 film)|Brothers]]'' (2009)
*''[[Brother Bear]]''
*''[[Brother Bear 2]]''
*[[The Brothers Grimm|''Brothers Grimm'', ''The'']]
*[[The Brothers McMullen|''Brothers McMullen'', ''The'']]
*[[The Brothers Solomon|''Brothers Solomon'', ''The'']]
*''[[Brubaker]]''
*''[[Bruce Almighty]]''
*''[[The Brutalist]]''
*''[[Buckaroo Banzai]]''
*[[The Bucket List|''Bucket List'', ''The'']]
*''[[Buffalo '66]]''
*''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer (film)|Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]''
*''[[Bug (film)|Bug]]''
* [[A Bug's Life|''Bug's Life'', ''A'']]
*''[[Bugonia (film)|Bugonia]]''
*''[[Bull Durham]]''
*''[[The Bullfighters|Bullfighters, The]]''
*''[[Bullitt]]''
*''[[Burn After Reading]]''
*''[[Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (film)|Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee]]''
*''[[But I'm a Cheerleader]]''
*''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]''
*[[The Butterfly Effect|''Butterfly Effect'', ''The'']]
*''[[By Dawn's Early Light]]''
*''[[Byron (film)|Byron]]''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Cats|Cats (1998 film)]]''
*''[[Cabin Fever]]''
*[[The Cabin in the Woods|''Cabin in the Woods'', ''The'']]
*[[The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari|''Cabinet of Dr. Caligari'', ''The'']]
*[[The Cable Guy|''Cable Guy'', ''The'']]
*''[[Caddyshack]]''
*[[The Caine Mutiny (film)|''Caine Mutiny'', ''The'']]
*''[[Camelot (film)|Camelot]]''
*''[[Camille (1936 film)|Camille]]'' (1936)
*''[[Camp Lazlo: Where's Lazlo?]]''
*''[[Camp Rock]]'' 
*''[[Can't Buy Me Love]]''
*''[[Can't Hardly Wait]]''
*''[[Canadian Bacon]]''
*''[[The Candidate (1972 film)|Candidate, The]]'' (1972)
*''[[Candy (2006 film)|Candy]]'' (2006)
*''[[Can You Keep a Secret? (2019 film?|Can You Keep a Secret?]]''
*''[[Cape Fear (1991 film)|Cape Fear]]'' (1991)
*''[[Capote (film)|Capote]]'' (2005)
*''[[Capricorn One]]''
*''[[Captain America: Civil War]]''
*''[[Captain America: The First Avenger]]''
*''[[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]]''
*''[[Captain Phillips (film)|Captain Phillips]]''
*[[The Care Bears Movie|''Care Bears Movie'', ''The'']]
*''[[Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation]]''
*''[[Carlito's Way]]''
*''[[Carnal Knowledge]]''
*''[[Carol (film)|Carol]]''
*''[[Carrie (1976 film)|Carrie]]'' (1976)
*''[[Carrie (2002 film)|Carrie]]'' (2002)
*''[[Carrie (2013 film)|Carrie]]'' (2013)
*''[[Carrotblanca]]''
*''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''
*''[[Cars 2]]''
*''[[Cars 3]]''
*''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]''
*''[[Casanova]]''
*''[[Casino (film)|Casino]]''
*''[[Cast Away]]''
*''[[Casualties of War]]''
*[[The Cat in the Hat (film)|''Cat in the Hat'', ''The'']] (2003)
*''[[Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (film)|Cat on a Hot Tin Roof]]''
*''[[Cat People (1942 film)|Cat People]]'' (1942)
*[[The Cat Returns|''Cat Returns'', ''The'']]
*''[[Catch-22 (film)|Catch-22]]''
*''[[Catch Me If You Can]]''
*''[[Cats &amp; Dogs]]''
*''[[Cats &amp; Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore]]''
*''[[Cats Don't Dance]]''
*''[[Catwoman]]''
*''[[Cecil B. Demented]]''
*''[[Chairman of the Board (film)|Chairman of the Board]]''
*''[[Champion (1949 film)|Champion]]'' (1949)
*''[[Changing Lanes]]''
*''[[Channel Chasers]]''
*''[[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (film)|Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]]'' (2005)
*''[[Charlie's Angels (film)|Charlie's Angels]]''
*''[[Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle]]''
*''[[Charlie Wilson's War]]''
*''[[Chariots of Fire]]''
*''[[Charlotte's Web (1973 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (1973)
*''[[Chasing Amy]]''
*''[[Chasing Liberty]]''
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen (1950 film)|Cheaper by the Dozen]]'' (1950)
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen (2003 film)|Cheaper by the Dozen]]'' (2003)
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen 2]]''
*''[[Cheech &amp; Chong's Next Movie]]''
*''[[Cheech &amp; Chong's The Corsican Brothers]]''
*''[[Cheer Squad Secrets (2020 film)|Cheer Squad Secrets]]'' (2020)
*''[[The Cheerleader Escort (film)|Cheerleader Escort, The]]''
*''[[Chef (2014 film)|Chef]]''
*''[[Chemical Hearts]]''
*''[[Chicago (2002 film)|Chicago]]'' (2002)
*''[[Chicken Little (1943 film)|Chicken Little]]'' (1943)
*''[[Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]'' (2005)
*''[[Chicken Run]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Children of Dune (film)|Children of Dune]]''
*''[[Children of Men]]''
*''[[Children of Paradise]]''
*''[[Children of the Corn (1984 film)|Children of the Corn]]''
*[[The Children's Hour|''Children's Hour'', ''The'']]
*''[[Child's Play]]''
*''[[Child's Play 2]]''
*''[[Child's Play 3]]''
*''[[China Seas (film)|China Seas]]''
*''[[Chinatown (film)|Chinatown]]''
*''[[Chitty Chitty Bang Bang]]''
*''[[Chloe (film)|Chloe]]''
*''[[Chocolat]]''
*''[[Choke]]''
*''[[A Chorus Line (film)|Chorus Line, A]]''
*''[[Christine (1983 film)|Christine]]''
*[[A Christmas Carol (2009 film)|''Christmas Carol'', ''A'']] (2009)
*[[A Christmas Story|''Christmas Story'', ''A'']]
*''[[Christmas with the Kranks]]''
*''[[Chronicle (film)|Chronicle]]''
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian|''Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe|''Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader|''Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Riddick|''Chronicles of Riddick'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chumscrubber|''Chumscrubber'', ''The'']]
*''[[Chungking Express]]''
*[[The Cider House Rules|''Cider House Rules'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Cincinnati Kid|Cincinnati Kid, The]]''
*''[[Cinderella (1950 film)|Cinderella]]'' (1950)
*''[[Cinderella II: Dreams Come True]]'' (2002)
*''[[Cinderella III: A Twist in Time]]''
*''[[Cinderella (2015 film)|Cinderella]]'' (2015)
*[[A Cinderella Story|''Cinderella Story'', ''A'']]
*''[[Circle (2015 film)|Circle]]''
*''[[Citizen Kane]]''
*''[[City of Angels]]''
*''[[City of Ember]]''
*''[[City on Fire (1979 film)|City on Fire]]'' (1979)
*''[[City of God]]''
*''[[City Slickers]]''
*''[[Clash of the Titans (1981 film)|Clash of the Titans]]'' (1985)
*''[[Clash of the Titans (2010 film)|Clash of the Titans]]'' (2010)
*''[[Class of Nuke 'Em High]]''
*''[[Class Rank (2017 film)|Class Rank]]''
*''[[Claws in the Lease]]''
*''[[Clean and Sober]]''
*''[[Clear and Present Danger]]''
*''[[Cleopatra (1963 film)|Cleopatra]]'' (1963)
*''[[Click]]''
*''[[Clifford the Big Red Dog (film)|Clifford the Big Red Dog]]''
*[[The Client|''Client'', ''The'']]
*''[[Clerks (film)|Clerks]]''
*''[[Clerks II]]''
*''[[Clockwise (film)|Clockwise]]''
*[[A Clockwork Orange|''Clockwork Orange'', ''A'']]
*''[[Close Encounters Of The Third Kind]]''
*''[[A Close Shave|Close Shave, A]]''
*''[[Closer (film)|Closer]]''
*''[[Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (film)|Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs]]''
*''[[Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2]]''
*''[[Cloverfield]]''
*''[[Clue (film)|Clue]]''
*''[[Clueless]]''
*''[[Coach Carter]]''
*''[[Cobra (1986 film)|Cobra]]'' (1986)
*''[[Cocktail (film)|Cocktail]]''
*''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]''
*''[[Cold Mountain]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Collateral (film)|Collateral]]''
*''[[The Color Purple (1985 film)|Color Purple, The]]'' (1985)
*''[[The Color Purple (2023 film)|Color Purple, The]]'' (2023)
*''[[Coma (1978 film)|Coma]]'' 
*''[[Coming Home]]''
*''[[Commando (film)|Commando]]''
*[[The Commitments|''Commitments'', ''The'']]
*''[[A Complete Unknown]]''
*''[[Compulsion (film)|Compulsion]]''
*''[[Con Air]]''
*''[[Conan the Barbarian (film)|Conan the Barbarian]]''
*''[[Conan the Destroyer]]''
*''[[Conclave (film)|Conclave]]''
*''[[Coneheads]]''
*''[[Confessions of a Dangerous Mind]]''
*''[[Confetti (film)|Confetti]]''
*''[[Congo (film)|Congo]]'' (1995)
*''[[Conquest of Space]]''
*''[[Conspiracy Theory]]''
*[[The Constant Gardener (film)|''Constant Gardener'', ''The'']]
*''[[Constantine (film)|Constantine]]''
*''[[Contact (film)|Contact]]''
*''[[Contagion (film)|Contagion]]''
*''[[Control (2007 film)|Control]]'' (2007)
*''[[Cool and the Crazy‎]]''
*''[[Cool Hand Luke]]''
*''[[Cool Runnings]]''
*''[[Cool World]]''
*''[[Coonskin (film)|Coonskin]]''
*''[[Cop and a Half]]''
*''[[Coraline (film)|Coraline]]''
*[[The Core|''Core'', ''The'']]
*''[[Corpse Bride]]''
*''[[Cougar Club]]''
*''[[Couples Retreat]]''
*''[[Courage Under Fire]]''
*[[The Court Jester|''Court Jester'', ''The'']]
*[[The Count of Monte Cristo (2002 film)|''Count of Monte Cristo'', ''The'']] (2002)
*''[[The Country Girl (1954 film)|Country Girl, The]]'' (1954)
*[[The Courtship Of Eddie's Father|''Courtship Of Eddie's Father'', ''The'']] (1963)
*[[The Covenant|''Covenant'', ''The'']]
*''[[Cowboy Bebop: The Movie]]''
*''[[Coyote Ugly]]''
*[[The Craft (film)|''Craft'', ''The'']]
*''[[Crank]]''
*''[[Crash (2004 film)|Crash]]'' (2004)
*''[[Crazy Rich Asians (film)|Crazy Rich Asians]]''
*''[[Cries and Whispers]]''
*''[[Crimes and Misdemeanors]]''
*''[[Crimewave]]''
*''[[Crimson Tide]]''
*''[[Criss Cross (1949 film)|Criss Cross]]'' (1949)
*''[[Crocodile Dundee]]''
*''[[Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles]]''
*[[The Croods|''Croods'', ''The'']]
*[[The Croods: A New Age|''Croods: A New Age, The'']]
*''[[Cross of Iron]]''
*''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]''
*''[[Croupier (film)|Croupier]]''
*[[The Crow|''Crow'', ''The'']]
*[[The Crow: City of Angels|''Crow: City Of Angels'', ''The'']]
*[[The Crow: Salvation|''Crow: Salvation'', ''The'']]
*[[The Crow: Wicked Prayer|''Crow: Wicked Prayer'', ''The'']]
*''[[CRSHD]]''
*[[The Crucible (1996 film)|''Crucible'', ''The'']] (1996)
*''[[Cruel Intentions]]''
*''[[Cruella (film)|Cruella]]''
*''[[Cry Freedom]]''
*''[[Cry Wolf]]''
*[[The Crying Game|''Crying Game'', ''The'']]
*''[[Cube (film)|Cube]]''
*''[[Cube 2: Hypercube]]''
*''[[Cube Zero]]''
*''[[Cult of the Cobra]]''
*[[The Cure (1995 film)|''Cure'', ''The'']] (1995)
*[[The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)|''Curious Case of Benjamin Button'', ''The'']]
*''[[Curious George (film)|Curious George]]''
*''[[Cursed (2005 film)|Cursed]]'' (2005)
*[[The Cutting Edge|''Cutting Edge'', ''The'']]
{{Col-end}}

==Requested==
===#===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[10 Rules for Sleeping Round]]''
* ''[[100 Days (1991)|100 Days]]'' (1991)
* ''[[100 Days (2001)|100 Days]]'' (2001)
* ''[[10,000 BC]]''
* ''[[The 11th Hour|11th Hour, The]]''
* ''[[13 Moons]]''
* ''[[15 Minutes]]''
* ''[[16 Years of Alcohol]]''
* ''[[187 (film)|187]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[18000 Dead in Gordon Head]]''
* ''[[24 (film)|24]]''
* ''[[3 O'Clock High]]''
* ''[[300 Pound Beauty]]''
* ''[[5 centimeters per second]]''
* ''[[5x2]]''
* ''[[51st State, The]]''
* ''[[55 Days at Peking]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[6 Years]]''
* ''[[7 Samurai]]''
* ''[[7 Years In Tibet]]''
* ''[[84 Charing Cross Road]]''
* ''[[88 Minutes]]''
* ''[[800 Bullets]]''
* ''[[61*]]''
* ''[[9 (film)|9]]''
* ''[[99 franks]]''
{{Col-end}}

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[A Good Time for a Dime]]''
* ''[[Ace Ventura, Jr.: Pet Detective]]''
* ''[[The Accidental Spy|Accidental Spy, The]]''
* ''[[The Actors|Actors, The]]''
* ''[[Addicted to Love (film)|Addicted to Love]]''
* ''[[Adjustment Bureau, The]]''
* ''[[The Adventures of Don Juan|Adventures of Don Juan, The]]''
* ''[[Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, The]]''
* ''[[Adventures of Milo and Otis, The]]''
* ''[[Afterglow]]''
* ''[[Against the Ropes]]''
* ''[[Age of Adaline]]''
* ''[[Akaler Sandhane (a.k.a. In Search of Famine)]]''
* ''[[The Alamo (2004 film)|Alamo, The]]'' (2004)
* ''[[Alexander Nevsky]]''
* ''[[Alexandra's Project]]''
* ''[[Alias Betty]]''
* ''[[Alien Autopsy]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Alien Nation]]''
* ''[[Alien: Resurrection]]''
* ''[[Aliens of the Deep]]''
* ''[[All About the Benjamins]]''
* ''[[All or Nothing]]''
* ''[[All the Pretty Horses]]''
* ''[[All the Bright Places]]''
* ''[[All the Queen's Men]]''
* ''[[Almost Peaceful]]''
* ''[[Alone in the Dark]]''
* ''[[Alucarda]]''
* ''[[Amati Girls, The]]''
* ''[[Amazing Grace]]''
* ''[[The Amazing Maurice|Amazing Maurice, The]]''
* ''[[The American Friend|American Friend, The]]''
* ''[[American Yakuza]]''
* ''[[An American Rhapsody]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Andre (film)|Andre]]''
* ''[[Angel-A]]''
* ''[[Anniversary Party, The]]''
* ''[[Another Gay Movie]]''
* ''[[Antz 2]]''
* ''[[Any Way the Wind Blows]]''
* ''[[Apartment Zero]]''
* ''[[Apollo 18]]''
* ''[[Arabian Knight]]'' (aka ''The Thief and the Cobbler'')
* ''[[Arctic Antics]]''
* ''[[Ark Encounter]]''
* ''[[Artemis Fowl (film)|Artemis Fowl]]''
* ''[[Artists and Models]]''
* ''[[Astronaut Farmer, The]]''
* ''[[Athadu]]''
* ''[[Attack On Leningrad]]''
* ''[[Autumn in New York]]''
* ''[[Anuvahood]]''
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[Baby Boom]]''
* ''[[Babyboy]]''
* ''[[Baby Mama]]''
* ''[[Bad Teacher]]''
* ''[[The Baltimore Bullet|Baltimore Bullet, The]]''
* ''[[Basketball Diaries]]''
* ''[[Barnyard]]''
* ''[[Barry Munday]]''
* ''[[Bath Day]]''
* ''[[Battle for Terra]]''
* ''[[Beaches]]''
* ''[[The Beautician and the Beast|Beautician and the Beast, The]]''
* ''[[The Beast|Beast, The]]'' (1988)
* ''[[Beautiful People]]''
* ''[[Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas]]''
* ''[[Beauty and the Beast: Belle's Magical World]]''
* ''[[The Beaver|Beaver, The]]''
* ''[[The Beaver Trilogy|Beaver Trilogy, The]]''
* ''[[Because I Said So]]''
* ''[[Because of Winn-Dixie]]''
* ''[[Be Cool]]''
* ''[[The BFG (2016 film)|BFG, The]]''
* ''[[Before Night Falls]]''
* ''[[Behind the Red Door]]''
* ''[[The Belko Experiment|Belko Experiment, The]]''
* ''[[Berget på månens baksida]]'' (also known as ''[[A Hill on the Dark Side of the Moon]]'')
* ''[[Better Luck Tomorrow]]''
* [[A Better Tomorrow II|''Better Tomorrow II'', ''A'']]
* [[A Better Tomorrow III|''Better Tomorrow III'', ''A'']]
* ''[[Bewitched (2005 film)|Bewitched]]''
* ''[[Beyond the Gates]]''
* ''[[Big Ass Spider!]]''
{{col-3}}
* [[The Big Bounce|''Big Bounce'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Booty Latinas]]''
* ''[[Big Kahuna, The]]''
* ''[[Big Money Hustlas]]''
* ''[[Big Shot's Funeral]]''
* ''[[Big Time]]''
* ''[[Bigger Than Life]]''
* [[''The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars &amp; Motor Kings|''Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars &amp; Motor Kings'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Bio-Dome]]''
* ''[[Birthday Girl]]''
* ''[[Bitch Slap]]''
* ''[[Bitter Victory]]''
* ''[[Black Chicks Talking]]''
* ''[[Black Snake Moan]]''
* [[The Black Stallion|''Black Stallion'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blame It on Rio]]''
* ''[[Blended (film)|Blended]]''
* ''[[Bless the Child (2000)|Bless the Child]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Bless the Child (2003)|Bless the Child]]'' (2003)
* ''[[Blind Beast vs. Dwarf]]''
* [[The Blind Side (film)|''Blind Side'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blood and Chocolate]]''
* ''[[Blood In Blood Out]]''
* [[The Blood of Hussain|''Blood of Hussain'', ''The'']]
* ''[[BloodRayne]]''
* ''[[BloodRayne 2 Deliverence]]''
* ''[[Bloodsport]]''
* ''[[Blue Car]]''
* [[The Blue Diner|''Blue Diner'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blue Hill Avenue]]''
* ''[[Blue Streak]]''
* ''[[Blue Valentine]]''
* ''[[Bobby]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Bob's Burgers Movie, The]]''
* ''[[Bon Cop, Bad Cop]]''
* [[The Bone Collector|''Bone Collector'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Born to Be Bad (1934)|Born to Be Bad]]'' (1934)
* ''[[Born to Be Bad (1950)|Born to Be Bad]]'' (1950)
* ''[[Bottle Shock]]''
* [[The Bounty Hunter (1954 film)|''Bounty Hunter'', ''The'']] (1954)
* ''[[Brain Dead]]''
* ''[[Bread and Milk]]''
* ''[[Breakfast of Champions]]''
* ''[[Break-Up, The]]''
* [[The Breed (2001 film)|''Breed'', ''The'']] (2001)
* [[The Breed (2006 film)|''Breed'', ''The'']] (2006)
* ''[[Bride &amp; Prejudice]]''
* ''[[Bride of the Wind]]''
* [[A Bridge Too Far|''Bridge Too Far'', ''A'']]
* ''[[Brief Crossing]]''
* ''[[Brigham City]]''
* ''[[Bright Young Things]]''
* ''[[Brink!]]''
* ''[[Brokedown Palace]]''
* ''[[Bronco Billy]]''
* ''[[Brother (film)|Brother]]''
* ''[[Brotherhood of the Wolf]]''
* ''[[Brown Sugar]]''
* [[The Brylcreem Boys|''Brylcreem Boys'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Buffalo Soldier]]''
* ''[[Buying the Cow]]''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Camp (2003 film)|Camp]]'' (2003)
*''[[Candyman (1992 film)|Candyman]]'' (1992)
*''[[Candyman (2021 film)|Candyman]]'' (2021)
*''[[Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh|Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh]]''
*''[[Candyman 3: Day of the Dead]]''
*''[[Candyman 4: Festival of the Terror]]''
*''[[Canine Casanova]]''
*''[[Cannibal! The Musical]]''
*''[[Carbon Copy]]''
*''[[Carpool (film)|Carpool]]''
*[[The Carry On Series|''Carry On Series'', ''The'']]
*''[[Cat Nap Pluto]]''
*''[[Catch That Kid]]''
*''[[Cats (1998 film)]]''
*''[[Cats (2019 film)|Cats]]''
*''[[Catfight]]''
*''[[Chutiya Mat Bana]]''
*''[[The Castle of Cagliostro]]''
*[[The Cat's Meow|''Cat's Meow'', ''The'']]
*''[[Center Stage]]''
*''[[Chances Are]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[Chandni Bar]]''
*[[The Changeling (film)|''Changeling'', ''The'']]
*''[[Charly]]''
*''[[Chaos (film)|Chaos]]''
*''[[Cheats (film)|Cheats]]''
*''[[Chick (1928 film)|Chick]]'' (1928)
*''[[Chick (1936 film)|Chick]]'' (1936)
*''[[Chisum]]''
*''[[Chopper (film)|Chopper]]''
*''[[Christmas Vacation]]''
*''[[Churchill (2017 film)|Churchill]]''
*''[[Cinderella (1957 film)|Cinderella]]'' (1957)
*''[[City Slickers II]]''
*''[[Cinderella Man]]''
*''[[Cobra (1925 film)|Cobra]]'' (1925)
*''[[Cobra (2012 film)|Cobra]]'' (2012)
*''[[Cobra (2014 film)|Cobra]]'' (2014)
*[[The Cobra (film)|''Cobra'', ''The'']] (1967)
*''[[College Road Trip]]''
*''[[Colors: Green Grass &amp; Blue Sky]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[Come and see (1985 film)]]'' (1985)
*''[[Control (1987 film)|Control]]'' (1987)
*''[[Control (2004 film)|Control]]'' (2004)
*''[[Control (2005 film)|Control]]'' (2005)
*''[[Control (2013 film)|Control]]'' (2013)
*''[[Conversations with My Gardener]]''
*''[[Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen]]''
*''[[Confessions of Shopaholic (film)|Confessions of Shopaholic]]''
*[[The Conjuring|''Conjuring'', ''The'']]
*[[The Counterfeiters|''Counterfeiters'', ''The'']]
*''[[C.R.A.Z.Y.]]''
*''[[Crazy Over Daisy]]''
*''[[The Crew|Crew, The]]''
*''[[Crocodile Dundee II]]''
*''[[Crowing Pains]]''
*''[[Cujo (film)|Cujo]]''
*''[[Cured Duck]]''
*''[[Curious George 2: Follow That Monkey]]''
*''[[Cutthroat Island]]''
*''[[Cypher (film)|Cypher]]''
{{Col-end}}

==See also==
{{media lists}}
* [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]] (greatest movie quotes)
*[[List of films (D–F)]]
*[[List of films (G–I)]]
*[[List of films (J–L)]]
*[[List of films (M–O)]]
*[[List of films (P–S)]]
*[[List of films (T–V)]]
*[[List of films (W–Z)]]

[[Category:Films|*]]
[[Category:Lists|films]]
[[Category:Lists of films]]</text>
      <sha1>e1rnzjhk5txeryxb30mrz0pgrkk6pk0</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Category:Universal Monsters film series</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
    <id>179325</id>
    <revision>
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      <parentid>3881449</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:01:11Z</timestamp>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="29" sha1="701mnw3si4qvy9v7p5rlj2y1s1fb4m0" xml:space="preserve">


[[Category:Monster films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Box-Office Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>182342</id>
    <revision>
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      <parentid>3928507</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:10:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951648</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2865" sha1="rowjl3s1hwf7bdwgl4wg4vxy6qktn0w" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Box-Office Bunny|Box-Office Bunny]]''''' (stylised onscreen as '''''box-office BUNNY'''''), released in [[1990]], is a five-minute ''Looney Tunes'' short starring [[Bugs Bunny]], [[Daffy Duck]], and [[Elmer Fudd]]. In the short, Bugs Bunny partakes of the multiplex cinema that has been instantly built over his hole over the objection of usher Elmer Fudd. It was shown in theaters with ''[[w:The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter|The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter]]''. This was Warner Brother's first Bugs Bunny theatrical release since 1964. It was issued to commemorate Bugs's 50th anniversary. It is included as a special feature on the DVD for ''[[w:The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie|The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]]''.
:''Written by [[w:Charles J. Carney|Charles J. Carney]] and directed by [[w:Darrell Van Citters|Darrell Van Citters]].''

== Daffy Duck ==
* ''[outside the back of the theater]'' Seven bucks for a movie. The price for an evening of puerile entertainment is preposterous! I could better spend an evening in the library, which is why I always carry this. ''[reveals a library card, which he uses to open the back door and sneak in]''

==Dialogue==
:''[Bugs takes a seat and munches on his carrot]''
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Ssshhhh! ''[arrives and points his flashlight at Bugs]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Eh, what's up, doc?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Excuse me, but you have to be qwiet or - Hey, I didn't see you come in. If you haven't got a ticket, I must ask you to weave!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Ask me to leave? What about you? Where's your ticket, Mac?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Me? Uh, I don't have a ticket.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': No ticket?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': It must be hewe somepwace.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[quickly disguises himself as an officer]'' No ticket, eh? Well you've got one now. You know how fast you were coming down to that aisle?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': No, officew.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Real fast. And weaving. And you've got one headlight. Why there might've been kids playing in the aisle. You're in some big trouble, that's all I know.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Oh, Mr. officer, sir, pwease give me a bweak. You see, I was just- ''[recognizing Bugs]'' Hey, you'we dat scwewy wabbit dat snuck in hewe!

==Voice Cast==
*[[w:Jeff Bergman|Jeff Bergman]] - [[Bugs Bunny]], [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]] , and [[Daffy Duck]]
*[[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] - Movie actor
*[[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - Movie actress

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|0099171}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1990 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Darrell Van Citters films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Deadly Mantis</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:1950s American films]]; added [[Category:1957 American films]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951774</origin>
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      <text bytes="2671" sha1="j4ojz4rg2o0eo5xuce3j72qn23ab97p" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Deadlymantis.JPG|thumb]]
'''''[[w:The Deadly Mantis|The Deadly Mantis]]''''' is a [[w:1957 in film|1957 film]] about a giant prehistoric [[w:European mantis|praying mantis]] that is set free from Arctic ice.
:''Directed by [[w:Nathan Juran|Nathan Juran]]. Written by [[w:William Alland|William Alland]].
{{center|'''A Thousand Tons of Horror! From A Million Years Ago ...'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

{{film-stub}}
== Dr. Ned Jackson == 
* In all the kingdom of the living, there is no more deadly or voracious creature than the praying mantis.

* I'm convinced that we're dealing with a Mantis in whose geological world the smallest insects were as large as man, and now failing to find those insects as food, well... it's doing the best that it can.

* The female is larger than the male and invariably destroys her mate when he's fulfilled his function in life.

== Col. Joe Parkman ==
* Maybe there's an ordinary explanation to what happened, but I wouldn't take any bets.

== Other ==
* '''Narrator''': ''[a volcano near Antarctic erupts, causing an ice flow in the Arctic, which releases the Deadly Mantis]'' For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Dr. Ned Jackson''': It looks like you don't have too many women up here, Colonel.
:'''Col. Joe Parkman''': Well, we have a little joke up here. The boys say there's a girl behind every tree. Only try and find a tree.

== Taglines ==
* A Thousand Tons of Horror! From A Million Years Ago ...
* The most dangerous monster that ever lived!
* This Was the Day That Engulfed the World in Terror!
* Out of a million years ago ... a thousand tons of horror!

== Cast ==
* [[w:Craig Stevens|Craig Stevens]] — Col. Joe Parkman
* [[w:William Hopper|William Hopper]] — Dr. Nedrick 'Ned' Jackson
* [[w:Alix Talton|Alix Talton]] — Marge Blaine
* [[w:Donald Randolph|Donald Randolph]] — Gen. Mark Ford
* [[w:Pat Conway|Pat Conway]] — Sgt. Pete Allen
* Florenz Ames — Prof. Anton Gunther
* [[w:Paul Smith (American comedy actor)|Paul Smith]] — Corporal, Parkman's Clerk
* Phil Harvey — Lou, Radar Man
* [[w:Floyd Simmons|Floyd Simmons]] — Army Sergeant
* [[w:Paul Campbell (American actor)|Paul Campbell]] — Lt. Fred Pizar
* Helen Jay — Mrs. Farley

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0050294|title=The Deadly Mantis}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Deadly Mantis, The}}
[[Category:1957 American films]]
[[Category:Universal Monsters film series]]
[[Category:Films about monsters]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Natural horror films]]
[[Category:Films about insects]]
[[Category:1957 horror films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Zootopia</title>
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      <text bytes="62939" sha1="jcepzc52gkufsq8agfqt3e4ng4zh8k3" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Shanghai Zootopia Hot Pursuit.jpg|thumb|The Magic Box.]]
'''''[[w:Zootopia|Zootopia]]''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis''''' in some European countries) is a 2016 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 55th Disney animated feature film. Set in a modern world of talking anthropomorphic animals, that follows a rabbit named Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) with big dreams to be a cop, who deals with a con artist fox named Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) to uncover a conspiracy. 
:''Directed by [[w:Byron Howard|Byron Howard]] and [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]], co-directed by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush, [[w:Jim Reardon|Jim Reardon]], Josie Trinidad, [[w:Phil Johnston|Phil Johnston]], and [[w:Jennifer Lee (filmmaker)|Jennifer Lee]]. Screenplay by Jared Bush and Phil Johnston.''
{{center|'''Welcome to the urban jungle.'''&lt;small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Judy Hopps==
* [As a 9-year-old] Well, he was right about one thing: I ''don't'' know when to quit.
* It's your word against yours.
* I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart. Boom.

==Nick Wilde==
* Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles!
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart.
* All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. Sly fox, dumb bunny. ''['''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny.]'' Right. ''[points down to a cement]'' And that's not wet cement.
* Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!

==Flash Slothmore==

==Gazelle==
* I’m Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia.
* ''[In Dancing With Gazelle app]'' Wow, you are one hot dancer, (user's name)!
* ''[sings]'' I won't give up;/I won't give in,/'til I reach the end;/then I'll start again!/No I won't leave;/I wanna try ev'rything;/I wanna try, even though I could fail.

==Dialogue==
:''[Gideon is bullying Sharla, a young lamb with her friends, trying to take her tickets.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': Give me your tickets right now, or I'm gonna kick your meek little sheep butt! ''[shoves Sharla]''
:'''Sharla''': Ow! Cut it out, Gideon!
:'''Young Gideon''': Baa-baa! ''[takes the tickets]'' What are you gonna do, cry?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[out of nowhere]'' Hey! You heard her. Cut it out.
:'''Young Gideon''': Nice costume, loser. What crazy world are you living in where you think a bunny could be a cop? 
:'''Young Judy''': ''[unfazed]'' Kindly return my friend's tickets.
:'''Young Gideon''': Come get 'em. But watch out, 'cause I'm a fox, and like you said in your dumb little stage play, us predators used to ''eat'' prey, and that killer instinct is still in our &quot;dunnah&quot;.
:'''Travis''': Uh, I'm pretty much sure it's pronounced &quot;DNA&quot;.
:'''Young Gideon''': ''[shoving Travis]'' Don't tell me what I know, Travis!
:'''Young Judy''': You don't scare me, Gideon.  ''[Gideon shoves Judy onto the ground, knocking her police hat off her head.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': You scared now?
:'''Travis''': Look at her nose twitch! She ''is'' scared!
:'''Young Gideon''': Cry, little baby bunny. Cry-- ''[Judy kicks him in the face, shocking everyone; feels his lips]'' Aw, you don't know when to quit, do you? ''[retracts his claws and slashes Judy's cheek, offscreen, as she screams, leaving claw marks on her cheek; shoves her face in the dirt]'' I want you to remember this moment, the next time you think you'll ''ever'' be anything more than just a stupid carrot-farming dumb bunny! ''[leaves with Travis and they high-five each other, not realizing Judy sneakily took back the tickets. The children rush to Judy.]''
:'''Gareth''': That looks bad.
:'''Sharla''': Are you okay, Judy?
:'''Young Judy''': Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. ''[holds out the tickets]'' Here you go.
:'''Sharla''': Wow! You got our tickets back!
:'''Gareth''': You're awesome, Judy!
:'''Sharla''': Yeah, that Gideon Grey doesn't know what he's talking about!
:'''Young Judy''': Well, he was right about one thing: ''[puts her police hat back on, as determination spreads across her face]'' I ''don't'' know when to quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy is with her parents and her other relatives at the train station as she gets ready for the train to Zootopia.]''
:'''Bonnie''': We're real proud of you, Judy.
:'''Stu''': Yeah. And scared, too.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes.
:'''Stu''': Really, it's a kind of a &quot;proud-scared&quot; combo. I mean Zootopia! It's so far away. Such a big city.
:'''Judy''': Guys, I've been working for this my whole life.
:'''Bonnie''': We know, and we're just a little excited for you, but terrified.
:'''Judy''': The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
:'''Stu''': And also, bears. We have bears to fear, too. To say nothing about lions, and wolves--
:'''Bonnie''': Wolves?
:'''Stu''': Weasels.
:'''Bonnie''': You play Cribbage with a weasel?
:'''Stu''': Yeah, and he cheats like there's no tomorrow. You know what? Pretty much all predators, and Zootopia's full of them.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, Stu.
:'''Stu''': And foxes are the worst.
:'''Bonnie''': Actually, your father does have a point there. It's in their biology. Remember what happened with Gideon Grey?
:'''Judy''': When I was 9, Gideon Grey was a jerk who happened to be a fox. I know plenty of bunnies who are jerks.
:'''Stu''': Yeah, but just in case, we made you a little care package to take with you
:'''Bonnie''': And I put some snacks in there.
:'''Stu''': This is fox deterrent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, I know.
:'''Stu''': This is fox repellent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, the deterrent and the repellent--
:'''Stu''': ''[shows Judy a fox taser]'' And check this out! ''[The fox taser unleashes a powerful zap, surprising him.]''
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, for goodness sake, she has no need for a fox taser, Stu.
:'''Stu''': Oh, come on, when is there not a need for a fox taser?
:'''Judy''': Okay, look, I will take this ''[shows her parents the fox repellent]'' to make you stop talking.
:'''Stu''': Terrific! Everyone wins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy meets two of her neighbors at her new apartment.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hi, I'm Judy, your new neighbor.
:'''Bucky''': Yeah? Well, we're loud.
:'''Pronk''': Don’t expect us to apologize for it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the Zootopia Police Department, Officer Fangmeyer, a tiger, takes in a wolf with a muzzle.]''
:'''Muzzled wolf''': Come on! He bared his teeth first!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[behind the radio dispatcher's desk, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps Cereal.]'' Mm-mm-mmm! ''[Judy walks up to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': Excuse me!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[looking around in surprise]'' Hm?
:'''Judy''': Down here! ''[Clawhauser looks out from his desk and sees Judy]'' Hi!
:'''Clawhauser''': O.M. Goodness. ''[puts down his bowl of cereal, clearly surprised and excited]'' They really did hire a bunny. ''[Laughs]'' What?! Heh, I gotta tell you, you are even cuter than I thought you'd be!
:'''Judy''': Ooh, uh, you probably didn't know, but a bunny can call another bunny cute, but when other animals do it, it's a little...
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[Gasps]'' I am so sorry! ''[pointing to himself]'' Me, Benjamin Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks is just a flabby, donut-loving cop stereotyping you. Aw...
:'''Judy''': ''[giggles]'' That's okay. ''[notices a donut stuck under Clawhauser's neck fold]'' Oh, you've actually - you've actually got... There's a...
:'''Clawhauser''': Um... A what?
:'''Judy''': In your neck, the fold... The - the, there's...
:'''BClawhauser''': Where? ''[Pulls the donut out of his neck fat]'' Oh, there you went, you little dickens! ''[eats the donut whole.]'' Nom!
:'''Judy''': ''[laughs nervously]'' I should get to roll call, so which way do I-
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[points]'' Oh, bull pen's over there to the left.
:'''Judy''': Great. Thank you! ''[Judy walks off to the bull pen as the other officers stare at her in astonishment.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Aww! That poor little bunny's gonna get eaten alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': First... we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. ''[turns to an elephant officer]'' Francine. ''[they look at Francine in mild suspense]'' Happy birthday.
:''[The suspense turns into excitement; officers around Francine get involved in a tussle]''
:'''Office Francine:''' Heh, oh yeah? ''[gives Officer Jackson a noogie]''
:'''Judy''': ''[applauds and is later surprised]'' Oh, oh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy spotted Nick and found out what he’s doing with the jumbo-pop, Nick explains that she’ll never be a cop.]''
:'''Nick''': All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. ''[points to himself]'' Sly fox, [points to Judy] dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny. ''[She sinks a bit and there is a soft squelch as she sinks to her knees]''
:'''Nick''': Right. ''[points down]'' And that's not wet cement. ''[Judy is seen up to her knees in cement; Three construction beavers take notice and glare at her. Nick walks off as Judy struggles to break loose]'' You'll never be a real cop. You’re a cute meter maid, though. Maybe a supervisor one day. Hang in there! ''[Nick turns a corner, leaving Judy upset.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy returns to her apartment with her feet covered in cement powder. She enters her room, puts her stuff on her desk, and cycles sadly through songs on the radio; &quot;Everybody Hurts&quot; by R.E.M., &quot;All by Myself&quot; by Eric Carmen, &quot;Can't Do Nuthin' Right&quot; by Madisen Ward, and &quot;I, Loser&quot; by Winston Marshall.]''
:''[Throughout the music, Judy puts a container of Carrots for One in the microwave and watches it with a lachrymose look on her face. When it's finished, she takes it out, opens it, only to find only one dried carrot. Judy groans and lets it fall into the trash. Then her phone rings. Judy picks it up and sees her parents calling. Judy groans, puts on a forced smile, and answers her phone.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hey! It's my parents!
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, there she is. Hi, sweetheart.
:'''Stu''': Hey there, Jude the Dude. How was your first day on the force?
:'''Judy''': It was real great.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah? Everything you ever hoped?
:'''Judy''': Mm-hmm. Absolutely, and more. Everyone's so nice, and I feel like I'm really making a difference.
:'''Stu''': ''[looks closely on the screen]'' Whoa, wait a second. Holy cripes, Bonnie, look at that.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, my sweet heavens! ''[hopefully]'' Judy, are you a meter maid?
:'''Judy''': Oh, this? No! Oh, no, no! This is just a temporary thing.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, it's the safest job in the force.
:'''Stu''': Oh, she's not a real cop. Our prayers have been answered!
:'''Bonnie''': Glorious day!
:'''Stu''': Oh, meter maid! Meter maid! Meter maid! ''Meter maid!''
:'''Judy''': Dad. ''Dad! '''Dad!''''' ''[changes the subject]'' You know what, it's been a really long day. I should--
:'''Bonnie''': That's right, you get some rest.
:'''Stu''': Those meters aren't gonna maid themselves.
:'''Bonnie''': Bye-bye. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Buh-bye. ''[puts her phone on the table]'' 
:'''Pronk''': Hey, bunny, turn down that depressing music!
:''[Judy turns off the radio.]''
:'''Bucky''': Leave the meter maid alone! Didn't you hear her conversation? She feels like a failure!
:'''Pronk''': Oh, shut up!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!
:'''Pronk''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Judy''': ''[groans; to herself]'' Tomorrow's another day.
:'''Pronk''': ''[apparently hearing Judy]'' Yeah, but it might be worse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, Judy is on meter duty again. A parking meter goes off, and she puts a ticket on a car. A moose is angry.]''
:'''Moose''': ''[grunts angrily]'' I was '''30 SECONDS OVER!'''
:''[Another parking meter expires, and Judy puts a ticket on a tiny car.]''
:'''Mouse''': Ugh! ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, you're a &quot;real hero&quot;, lady.  ''[Another parking meter goes off and Judy puts another ticket on another car.]''
:'''Hippo kid''': ''[innocently]'' My mommy says she wishes you were dead.
:'''Offscreen angry driver''': Uncool, rabbit. My tax dollars pay your salary.   ''[Irritated, Judy goes inside her car and slowly taps her head on the steering wheel.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to herself]'' I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy capured Duke Weaselton; At the ZPD, Clawhauser is talking to Mrs. Otterton.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay. You're gonna have to be patient and wait in line just like everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay?
:'''Judy''': ''[after capturing Duke Weaselton]'' I popped the weasel!
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Hopps!''' [on the second-floor balcony; points to his office]
:'''Officer''': ''[whispers; off-screen]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Abandoning your post, inciting a scurry, reckless endangerment of rodents! But to be fair, you did stop a master criminal from stealing two dozen moldy onions. ''[shows the bag, revealing plant bulbs]''
:'''Judy''': Mmm, hate to disagree with you, sir, but those aren't onions. Those are a crocus varietal called ''Midnicampum holicithias''. They're a Class C botanical, sir. Well, I grew up in a family where plant husbandry was kind of a thing.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut your tiny mouth now! ''[puts the bag away]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I got the bad guy. That's my job.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Your job is ''putting tickets on parked cars!'' ''[his intercom beeps]''
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[through the intercom]'' Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton is here to see you again.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now.
:'''Clawhauser''': OK, I just didn't know if you'd want to take this time. She seems really upset.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Not now!'''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I don't wanna be a meter maid, I wanna be a real cop.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Do you think the mayor asked what ''I'' ''wanted'' when he assigned you to me?
:'''Judy''': But, sir, if--
:'''Chief Bogo''': Life isn't some cartoon musical where you ''sing a little song,'' and your insipid dreams '''''magically come true!''''' So, ''[[w:Let It Go (Disney song)|let it go]].''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[comes into Bogo's office]'' Chief Bogo, please. 5 minutes of your time, please.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[out of breath]'' I'm sorry, sir. I tried to stop her. She's super slippery. I gotta go sit down.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, as I've told you, we're doing everything we can.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': My husband has been missing for 10 days. His name is Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Yes, I know.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': He's a florist. We have two beautiful children. He would never just disappear.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, our detectives are very busy.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[desperate]'' Please. There's gotta be somebody to find my Emmitt.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Mrs. Otterton--
:'''Judy''': I will find him.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[elated]'' Oh, thank you! ''[runs up to Judy and hugs her]'' Bless you! Bless you, little bunny! ''[Bogo growls in annoyance.]'' Take this. Find my Emmitt. Bring him home to me and my babies, please. ''[hands a photo of her family to Judy]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ahem! Mrs. Otterton, will you please wait out here?
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': Of course. Oh, thank you both so much. ''[leaves the office]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': One second. ''[closes the door; sternly to Judy]'' You're fired.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': Insubordination! Now, I'm going to open this door, and you're going to tell that otter that you're a former meter maid with delusions of grandeur who will ''not be taking the case.'' ''[opens the door to see Mrs. Otterton with Bellwether]''
:'''Bellwether''': I just heard Officer Hopps is taking the case.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[surprised]'' Assistant Mayor Bellwether.
:'''Bellwether''': The Mammal Inclusion Initiative is really startin' to pay off. ''[chuckles]'' Mayor Lionheart is just gonna be so jazzed!
:'''Chief Bogo''': No, no, let's not tell the mayor just yet.
:'''Bellwether''': And I've sent it, and it is done, so I did do that. ''[Bogo facepalms in annoyance.]'' Alright, well, I'd say the case is in good hands. Us little guys really need to... stick together, right?
:'''Judy''': Like glue.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' Good one. Just call me if you ever need anything, okay? You've always got a friend at City Hall, Judy. Alright, bye-bye. ''[she and Mrs. Otterton leaves]''
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[closes the door and sighs; reluctantly]'' I will give you 48 hours.
:'''Judy''': ''[excited]'' '''''YES!'''''
:'''Chief Bogo''': That’s ''two days'' to find Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Judy''': Okay.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''But,''''' you strike out... ''you resign.'' (Okay?)
:'''Judy''': ''[her enthusiasm drops]'' Oh. Uh... ''[regains her composure]'' Okay. Deal.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[smirks]'' Splendid. Clawhauser will give you the complete case file.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has tracked down Nick, believing him to be a lead in her case. She drives her meter maid cart next to him, who is pushing a stroller with sleeping Finnick inside.]''
:'''Judy''': Hi! Hello? It's me again!
:'''Nick''': Hey, it's Officer Toot-Toot!
:'''Judy''': ''[chortles]'' No. Actually, it's Officer Hopps, and I'm here to ask you some questions about a case.
:'''Nick''': What happened, meter maid? Did someone steal a traffic cone? It wasn't me. ''[Annoyed, Judy rides up and pulls up in front of Nick, blaring her siren.]'' Hey, Carrots, you're gonna wake the baby. ''[refers to Finnick]'' I gotta get to work.
:'''Judy''': ''[gets out of her cart with the folder, a notepad, and a carrot pen]'' This is important, sir. I think your ''$10'' worth of pawpsicles can wait.
:'''Nick''': Heh. I make 200 bucks ''a day,'' Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12.'' And time is money. Hop along.
:'''Judy''': Please, just look at the picture. ''[shows a close-up picture of Emmitt eating a pawsicle]'' You sold Mr. Otterton that pawpsicle, right? Do you know him?
:'''Nick''': I know everybody. And I also know that somewhere, there's a toy store missin' its stuffed animal, so why don't you get back to your box?
:'''Judy''': ''[her smile drops and becomes serious]'' Fine. Then we’ll have to do this the hard way.
:''[Attaches a clamp to Nick’s stroller.]''
:'''Nick''': Did you just boot my stroller?
:'''Judy''': Nicholas Wilde, you are under arrest.
:'''Nick''': ''[scoffs]'' For what? ''[in a baby voice; mockingly]'' Hurting your feewings?
:'''Judy''': ''[smiles slyly]'' Felony tax evasion. ''[Nick's smile drops, and his eyes widen in shock as Judy writes.]'' Yeah, $200 a day, 365 days a year since you were 12. That's two decades, so times 20, which is... $1,460,000, ''I think.'' I mean, I ''am'' just a &quot;dumb bunny&quot;, but we ''are'' good at multiplying. Anyway, according to your tax forms, you reported, let me see here... '''''0!''''' ''[Nick's face freezes in shock.]'' Unfortunately, lying on a federal form is a punishable offense. Five years jail time.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's my word against yours.
:''[Judy pulls out her carrot pen and plays back Nick's confession;'' ''through the carrot pen]'' &quot;(I make) 200 bucks ''a day''. Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12&quot;.''
:'''Judy''': Actually, it's ''your'' word against yours. And if you want this pen, you're going to help me find this poor missing otter, or the only place you'll be selling pawsicles is the prison cafeteria. ''[smirks mockingly]'' It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
:''[A slight pause.]''
:'''Finnick''': She hustled you. ''[opens the stroller, laughing]'' She hustled you '''''good!''''' You a cop now, Nick! You gon' need one o' these. ''[slaps his badge sticker on Nick's shirt. Nick frowns.]'' Have fun working with the fuzz! ''[walks away, still laughing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Nick]'' Start talking.
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' I don't know where he is. I only saw where he went.
:'''Judy''': Great! Let's go! ''[gets in her cart]''
:'''Nick''': ''[smirks]'' It's not exactly a place for a... cute little bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Don't call me &quot;cute&quot;; Get in the car.
:'''Nick''': ''[smirking]'' Okay, you're the boss. ''[joins Judy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Mystic Spring Oasis.]''
:'''Yax''': ''[chanting]'' Om... Om... Om...
:'''Judy''': ''[clears throat]'' Hi. Uh, hello.
:'''Yax''': ''[loudly]'' '''''Om... Om...'''''
:'''Judy''': Hello? Hello!
:''[Yax comes out of his meditation, shaking his head, making flies buzz around his head. He removes his hair from his eyes, looks down, and sees Judy.]''
:'''Yax''': Hmm?
:'''Judy''': Hello. My name is--
:'''Yax''': Oh, you know, I'm gonna hit the pause button right there, cause we're all good on bunny scout cookies.
:'''Judy''': Uh, no. I'm Officer Hopps, ZPD. I'm looking for a missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton, right here. He may have frequented this establishment.
:'''Yax''': ''[looks at the picture of Emmitt and sneezes]'' Yeah, old Emmitt! ''[laughs]'' Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But, hey, you should talk to his [[yoga]] instructor. I'd be happy to take you back.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you so much, I'd appreciate that more than you can imagine, it'd be such an-- ''[covers her eyes]'' '''''OHHHHHH!''''' You are naked!
:'''Yax''': Huh? Oh, for sure! We're a naturalist club! ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': Yeah. In Zootopia, anyone can be anything. And these guys, they be naked.
:'''Yax''': Nangi's just on the other side of the pleasure pool. ''[Judy sees many nude animals, and she is shocked]''
:'''Nick''': Oh, boy. Does this make you uncomfortable? Because if so, there's no shame in calling quits.
:'''Judy''': Yes, there is.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Boy, that's the spirit.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, some mammals say the naturalist life is weird, but you know what I say is weird? Clothes on animals. Here we go! ''[Judy groans; the trio comes across Nangi]'' As you can see, Nangi's an elephant, so she'll totally remember everything. Hey, Nangi, these dudes have some questions about Emmitt the otter.
:'''Nangi''': Who?
:'''Yax''': Uh, Emmitt Otterton? Been coming to your yoga class for, like, 6 years?
:'''Nangi''': I have no memory of this beaver.
:'''Judy''': He's an otter, actually.
:'''Yax''': He was here a couple of Wednesdays ago, remember? 
:'''Nangi''': No.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, he was wearing a cable knit sweater vest and a new pair of corduroy slacks. Oh, and a Paisley tie, sweet Windsor knot. Real tight. Remember that, Nangi?  
:'''Nangi''': No. 
:'''Yax''': Yeah, and we both walked him out, and he got into this big old white car with a silver trim. Needed a tune-up, the third cylinder wasn't firing. Remember that, Nangi?
:'''Nangi''': ''[with her body curled into the shape of a backwards C]'' Nope.
:'''Judy''': Um, uh, you didn't happen to catch the license plate number, did you?
:'''Yax''': Oh, for sure. It was 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:''[Nick seems amazed at Nangi's flexibility and looks at Judy's notes, and briefly nods]''
:'''Judy''': ''[writing it down]'' (2-9-T-H-D-)0-3. Wow, this is a lot of great info, thank you.
:'''Yax''': Told you Nangi has a mind like a steel trap. Ah, I wish I had a memory like an elephant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick arrive at the Department of Motor Vehicles to look up the license plate number; Judy is shocked to see that the DMV is run by sloths.]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, they're all ''sloths?!'' ''[seeing all the sloths works so slowly]'' You said this was gonna be quick!
:'''Nick''': Are you saying that because he's a sloth he can't be fast? I thought in Zootopia, anyone could be anything. ''[They walk up to one of the sloths.]'' Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Buddy, it's nice to see you.
:'''Flash''': Nice to... see you... too.
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, I'd love you to meet my friend. Uh, darling, I've forgotten your name.
:'''Judy''': Hmm... Ah… Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. How are you?
:'''Flash''': I am... doing... just...
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to finish Flash's sentence]'' Fine?
:'''Flash''': ...as well... as... I can... be. What...
:'''Nick''': ''[to Judy; smugly]'' Hang in there.
:'''Flash''': ...can I... do...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate--
:'''Flash''': ...for you...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could--
:'''Flash''': ...today? ''[pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate for us. We are in a really big hurry.
:'''Flash''': Sure. What's the... plate...
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T--
:'''Flash''': ...number?
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[begins typing the plate number very slowly on his computer]'' 2...9... 
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to speed up the process]'' T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...T...
:'''Judy''': H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...H...
:'''Judy''': D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[pauses; types D]'' ...D...
:'''Judy''': Mmm-hmm. 0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...0...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately]'' ''3!''
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke?
:'''Judy''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Flash''': ''[stops typing]'' Sure. ''[Judy growls in annoyance.]''
:'''Nick''': Okay, what do you call a three-humped camel?
:'''Flash''': I don't... know. What...''do...''you call...a...
:'''Judy''': ''[impatiently]'' ...three-humped...camel.
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... camel?
:'''Nick''': Pregnant. ''[laughs]''
:''[Flash stares for a few seconds and starts laughing slowly.]''
:'''Judy''': Ha-ha! Yes, very funny, very funny! Can we please just focus on the---
:'''Flash''': Hey...
:'''Judy''': Wait, wait, wait!
:'''Flash''': ...Priscilla!
:'''Judy''': Oh, no!
:'''Priscilla''': Yes... Flash?
:'''Flash''': What...
:'''Judy''': Oh!
:'''Flash''': ...do...
:'''Judy''': No!
:'''Flash''': ...you call a...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately trying to speed up the joke]'' A three-humped camel? Pregnant! Okay, great! We got it! Please, just...
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... ''[Judy growls in frustration and bangs her head on the counter. Much later, the paper prints out; slowly separates it at the perforation and hands it to Judy]'' Here...
:'''Judy''': Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry.
:'''Flash''': ...you...
:'''Judy''': ''[hastily grabs the paper]'' Thank you! 29THD03.
:'''Flash''': ...go.
:'''Judy''': It's registered to... Tundratown Limo Service! A limo took Otterton! And the limo's in Tundratown! ''[quickly runs out]'' It's in Tundratown!
:'''Nick''': ''[to Flash]'' Way to hustle, bud. I love ya. I owe ya.  ''[Judy and Nick walk out of the DMV.]''
:'''Judy''': Hurry! We gotta beat the rush hour and-- ''[looks outside, shocked]'' '''''IT'S NIGHT?!''''' ''[the scene changes to the Tundratown Limo Service; tugs on the lock on the gate]'' Closed! Great.
:'''Nick''': Mm. And I will betcha you don't have to warrant to get in, hmm? Darn it. It's a bummer. 
:'''Judy''': You wasted the day on purpose!
:'''Nick''': Madam, I have a ''fake badge''. I would never impede your pretend investigation.
:'''Judy''': It's not a pretend investigation. ''[takes out Emmitt's family picture]'' Look, see? See him? This otter is missing. 
:'''Nick''': Well, they should've gotten a real cop to find him.
:'''Judy''': ''[puts the picture away]'' What is your problem? Does seeing me fail somehow make you feel better about your own sad, miserable life?
:'''Nick''': It does, 100%. Now, since you're sans warrant, I guess we're... done? 
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. We are done. ''[reveals the carrot pen]'' Here's your pen.
:'''Nick''': ''[tries to reach the pen]'' Hey! ''[Judy throws the carrot pen over the fence]'' First off, you throw like a bunny. Second, you're a very sore loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': ''[opens the limo’s glove compartment and suddenly jumps back in alarm]'' Oh, my God!   
:'''Judy''': What? What?!
:'''Nick''': ''The Velvety Pipes of Jerry Vole!'' ''[smirks; Judy looks at him annoyed, puts a polar bear’s fur in a plastic bag.]'' But on CD. Who still uses CDs? ''[tosses the CDs back, opens the door revealing the back, gets spooked and his ears pull back]'' Carrots, if your otter was here, he had a very bad day.
:'''Judy''': ''[goes to take a look, which the back is ripped, and claw marks are shown everywhere]'' Those are... claw marks. You ever seen anything like this?
:'''Nick''': No.
:'''Judy''': Oh, wait. Look! ''[hops down and looks at Emmitt's wallet, seeing his picture]'' This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He was definitely here. What do you think happened?
:'''Nick''': ''[looks around and sees a cup. He picks it up and sees a fancy &quot;B&quot; imprinted on it.]'' Well, now, wait a minute. Polar bear fur, Rat Pack music, fancy cup? ''[alarmed]'' I know whose car this is. We gotta go.
:'''Judy''': Why? Whose car is it?
:'''Nick''': The most feared crime boss in Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big, and he does ''not'' like me, so we gotta go.
:'''Judy''': I'm not leaving. This is a crime scene.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's gonna be an even bigger crime scene if Mr. Big finds me here, ''[opens the limo’s door]'' so we're leaving ''right now.'' ''[turns and sees two polar bears waiting for them]'' Oh, gah! Raymond! And is that Kevin? Long time, no see. And speaking of no see, how about you forget you saw me? Huh? For old times' sake? ''[Raymond and Kevin grab the two by their throats.]'' That's a no.
:''[Later, Judy and Nick are sitting between the two bears in a car being driven to see Mr. Big. One of the bears is looking at his smartphone at a photo of him and the other bear trapping a wolf in a headlock and chuckles to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[whispering]'' What did you do that made Mr. Big so mad at you?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering]'' I, um... I may have sold him a very expensive wool rug... that was made from the fur of a skunk...'s butt.
:'''Judy''': Oh, sweet cheese and crackers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Raymond and Kevin take Judy and Nick to a room, and no one seems to be there. They push the duo forward as one polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that Mr. Big?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispers]'' No.
:''[Another polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': What about him? Is that him?
:'''Nick''': No!
:''[A third polar bear, Koslov, larger than the others, enters the room and walks to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps at the sight of him]'' That's gotta be him.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering through gritted teeth]'' Stop talking, stop talking, ''stop talking!''
:''[Koslov unclenches his hands to reveal a tiny chair. He turns it around, revealing Mr. Big, who is a shrew.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[tilts her head]'' Huh.
:'''Nick''': Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple mis-- ''[Mr. Big grunts and holds out his hand, showing a ring on his finger.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[kisses Mr. Big's ring]'' This is a simple misunderstanding.  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[speaking in a [[w:Vito Corleone|Vito-Corleone]]-style voice]'' [[The Godfather|You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married.]]
:'''Nick''': Well, actually, we were brought here against our will, so-- ''[laughs nervously; Mr. Big gives him a look]'' Point is, I–I did not know that it was your car, and I certainly did not know about your daughter's wedding.
:'''Mr. Big''': I trusted you, Nicky. I welcomed you into my home. We broke bread together. Grandmama made you a cannoli. And how did you repay my generosity? With a rug. Made from the butt of a skunk. A skunk-butt rug. You disrespected me. You disrespected my grandmama, who I buried in that skunk-butt rug. ''[Koslov crosses his chest in prayer.]'' I told you to never show your face here again, but here you are, snooping around with this-- ''[to Judy]'' What are you, a performer? What's with the costume?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I am a co--
:'''Nick''': Mime! She is a mime! This ''mime'' cannot speak. You can't speak if you're a mime.  
:'''Judy''': No, I'm a cop. ''[shows Emmitt's family picture]'' And I'm on the Emmitt Otterton case, and my evidence puts him in ''your car.'' So, intimidate me all you want, I'm gonna find out what you did to that otter if it's the ''last thing I do.'' 
:'''Mr. Big''': Meh. Then I have only one request: Say hello to Grandmama. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. 
:''[The polar bears grab Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! I-I-I didn't see nothing! I'm not saying nothing!
:'''Mr. Big''': And you never will.   
:'''Nick''': Please!
:'''Judy''': Put me down!
:''[The polar bears open a trap door, revealing an ice water pit below and dangle the two.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! If you're mad at me about the rug, I've got more rugs.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[enters the room in a wedding dress]'' Oh, Daddy! It's time for our dance! ''[sees the polar bears holding Nick and Judy above the pit; upset]'' Ugh! What did we say? No icing anyone at my wedding!  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[to Fru Fru]'' I have to, baby, Daddy has to. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. ''[The polar bears prepare to lower Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! 
:'''Fru Fru''': Wait. Wait! ''[The polar bears stop again.]'' She's the bunny that saved my life yesterday! From that giant donut!
:'''Mr. Big''': This bunny? 
:'''Fru Fru''': Yeah! ''[waves to Judy]'' Hi! 
:'''Judy''': Hi. I love your dress.
:'''Fru Fru''': Aw, thank you! 
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. Put 'em down. ''[The polar bears close the trap door and put Judy and Nick down; to Judy]'' You have done me a great service. I will help you find the otter. I will take your kindness and pay it forward. ''[extends his arms with a smile; Judy leans forward, and Mr. Big kisses her on both cheeks. Nick looks at them, dumbfounded.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Fru Fru's wedding, Mr. Big talks to Judy about what happened to Emmitt Otterton.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton is my florist. He's like a part of the family. He had something important he wanted to discuss. That's why I sent that car to pick him up. But he never arrived.
:'''Judy''': Because he was attacked.
:'''Mr. Big''': No. He attacked.
:'''Judy''': Otterton?
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton. He went crazy - ripped up the car, scared my driver half to death ''[his eyes are visible for a moment and widen as he says this last part]'', and disappeared into the night. ''[he holds his paw out for emphasis]''
:'''Judy''': But he's a sweet little otter.
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. My child, we may be evolved, but deep down, we are still animals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Judy and Nick were being chased by Manchas who got savage, Clawhauser shows the Gazelle dancing app on his phone to the wolf prisoner at the ZPD]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Are you familiar with Gazelle? Greatest singer of our lifetime? Angel with horns? Okay, hold on. Keep watching. ''[shows his face on a tiger dancer with Gazelle dancing besides]'' Who's that beside her? Who is it?
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Benjamin Clawhauser.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[laughs]'' It's me! Did you think it was real? It looks so real! ''[Slightly disappointed]'' It's not, it's just a new app.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are trying to get away from a savage Manchas by swinging onto a vine.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[as Judy holds onto the vine]'' Rabbit, whatever you do, do not let go!
:'''Judy''': ''[sees some other vines]'' I'm gonna let go!
:'''Nick''': No, you-- '''''What?!'''''
:'''Judy''': One, two--
:'''Nick''': No, I said, do not-- '''''RABBIT!''''' ''[Judy lets go and swings herself and Nick under the bridge and ends up trapped in vines. Manchas growls at them.]'' Carrots, you saved my life. 
:'''Judy''': ''[warmly]'' Well, that's what we do at the ZPD. '''''AAAAHH!'''''  ''[The vines snap, sending the pair falling into the trees.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nick is finishing telling Judy his story of how he, as a kid, was bullied by prey Junior Ranger Scout kids.]''
:'''Nick''': I learned two things that day. One: I was never gonna let anyone see that they got to me.
:'''Judy''': And two?
:'''Nick''': If the world's only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there's no point trying to be anything else.
:'''Judy''': ''[comfortingly]'' Nick, you are ''so'' much more than that. ''[puts her paw on Nick's arm, who becomes uncomfortable and quickly changes the subject]''
:'''Nick''': Boy, look at that traffic down there. How about we go up to Chuck in traffic central? ''[puts two fingers up to his ear, imitating a reporter]'' Chuck, how are things looking on the jam-cams?
:'''Judy''': Nick, I’m glad you told me.
:'''Nick''': ''[realizing]'' The jam-cams.
:'''Judy''': Seriously, it's okay.
:'''Nick''': No, no, no. Shh. There are traffic cameras everywhere, all over the canopy! Whatever happened to that jaguar--
:'''Judy''': The traffic cams would have caught it!
:'''Nick''': Bingo!
:'''Judy''': Ha-ho! Pretty sneaky, slick!
:'''Nick''': However, if you didn't have access to the system before, I doubt Chief Buffalo Butt is gonna let you into it now.
:'''Judy''': No. ''[gets an idea]'' But I have a friend at City Hall who might.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Cliffside Asylum, hiding at an empty cell and eavesdropping a conversation between Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger.]''
:'''Lionheart''': ''[annoyed]'' Enough! I don't want excuses, Doctor! I want answers!
:'''Dr. Badger:''' Mayor Lionheart, please. We're doing everything we can.
:'''Lionheart''': Really? 'Cause I've got a dozen-and-a-half animals in here who'd gone off-the-rails crazy, and you can't tell me why! Now, I'd call that awfully far from &quot;doing everything&quot;!
:'''Dr. Badger''': Sir, it may be time to consider their biology.
:'''Lionheart''': What? What do you mean, &quot;biology&quot;?
:'''Dr. Badger''': The only animals going savage are predators. We ''cannot'' keep it a secret, we ''need'' to come forward.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hmmm. Great idea. Tell the public. And how do you think they're gonna feel about their mayor... ''[yells angrily]'' '''''WHO IS A LION?! I'LL BE RUINED!'''''
:'''Dr. Badger''': Well, what does Chief Bogo say?
:'''Lionheart''': Chief Bogo doesn't know, and ''we are going to keep it that way.''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps as her phone starts ringing because of her parents calling her]'' Oh, no, no, no!
:'''Lionheart''': ''[having heard Judy's phone ring]'' Someone's here!
:'''Dr. Badger''': ''[ushering Lionheart out of the room]'' Sir, you need to go. Now. Security, sweep the area! ''[shuts the door, setting off an alarm, which automatically shuts and locks all the cells]''
:'''Nick''': ''[after he and Judy notice the timber wolves about to burst into the room to sweep the jail cells]'' Great. We're dead. We're dead. That's it! I’m dead, you’re dead. Everybody's dead! ''[leans against a toilet without realizing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gets an idea]'' Can you swim?
:'''Nick''': What? Can I swim? ''[Judy puts her phone in a plastic bag.]'' Yes, I can swim. Why?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After escaping the asylum’s mental hospital, Judy and Nick slide down the pipe and fall out, going down the waterfall, Judy in a diving position, Nick twisting and turning in weird positions while screaming, before falling into the water below.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[emerges]'' Carrots? Hopps! ''[worriedly]'' '''''Judy!!'''''
:'''Judy''': ''[also emerges, holding the plastic bag with her phone in it]'' We gotta tell Bogo!
:''[In his office, Bogo looks at the Gazelle dancing app and sees his face on a tiger dancer.]''
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Chief Bogo. ''[Bogo smiles, and then quickly puts his phone away as Clawhauser enters his office.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Chief Bogo!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now!
:'''Clawhauser''': Wait, is that Gazelle?
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' I'm Gazelle, and you are one hot dancer.
:'''Clawhauser''': You have the app, too? ''[squeals]'' Ohhh... Chief!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed; changing the subject]'' Clawhauser, can't you see I'm working on the missing mammal cases?
:'''Clawhuaser''': ''Oh,'' oh, oh, yes, of course. About that, sir, Officer Hopps just called. She found all of 'em!
:''[Chief Bogo gives a stunned look.]''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' Wow! I'm impressed.
:''[Later that night, the ZPD arrests Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger at the asylum.]''
:'''Judy''': Mayor Lionheart, you have the right to remain silent. Anything--
:'''Lionheart''': You don't understand! I was trying to protect the city!
:'''Judy''': You were just trying to protect your job.
:'''Lionheart''': No, listen! We still don't know why this is happening. It could destroy Zootopia.
:'''Judy''': [[w:Miranda warning|You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. (You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?)]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy has just finished speaking at a press conference and has inadvertently triggered Nick's [[w:Post-traumatic stress disorder|PTSD]].]''
:'''Judy''': Was I okay?
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, you did fine.
:'''Judy''': ''[relieved, to Nick]'' Oh, that went so fast, I didn't get a chance to mention you, or say anything about how we--
:'''Nick''': ''[darkly]'' Oh, I think you said plenty.
:'''Judy''': What do you mean?
:'''Nick''': &quot;Clearly there's a biological component&quot;? &quot;These predators may be reverting back to their primitive, savage ways&quot;? Are you serious?
:'''Judy''': I just stated the facts of the case. I mean, it's not like a bunny could go savage.
:'''Nick''': Right. But a fox could, huh?
:'''Judy''': Nick, stop it. You're not like them.
:'''Nick''': ''[angrily]'' Oh, there's a ''&quot;them&quot;'' now?
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed sigh]'' You know what I mean. You're not that kind of predator.
:'''Nick''': The kind that needs to be muzzled? (The kind you thought you have to manipulate or trick into helping you crack a case?) The kind that makes you think you need to carry around fox repellent? Yeah, don't think I didn't notice ''that'' little item the first time we met. So, l-let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of me? ''[Judy stares at Nick in disbelief, her nose slightly twitching in fear.]'' Do you think I might go nuts? You think I might go ''savage?'' You think I might try to... ''[jumps forward]'' '''''EAT YOU?!''''' ''[Judy gasps, instinctively jumps back and puts her hand over the fox repellent.]'' I knew it. ''[scoffs]'' Just when I thought somebody actually believed in me, huh? (You still think I'm a shifty, low life, worse, a savage.) ''[gives Judy back the application she gave him for the ZPD and leaves]'' Probably best if you don't have a predator as a partner.
:''[Judy looks at the application that is completely filled out, looks up, sees an offended Nick storming off, tearing off his badge sticker, and throwing it down on the ground. She becomes shocked.]''
:'''Judy''': No, Nick! Nick! ''[tries to follow Nick, but is blocked by the reporters]''
:'''Beaver reporter''': Officer Hopps, were you just threatened by that predator?
:'''Judy''': No, he’s my friend.
:'''Rabbit reporter''': We can't even trust our own friends?
:'''Judy''': That is not what I said. Please--!
:'''Beaver reporter''': Are we safe?
:'''Rabbit reporter''': Have any other foxes gone savage?
:''[The microphones are shoved closer to Judy, as questions are buzzed all around her, and she is taken by surprise as she loses Nick.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': More bad news in the city gripped by fear. A caribou is in critical condition, the victim of mauling by a savage polar bear. This, the 27th such attack, comes just one week after ZPD officer Judy Hopps connected the violence to traditionally predatory animals.
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Meanwhile, a peace rally organized by pop star Gazelle was marred by protest. ''[Gazelle is seen in front of a protest peace rally. Judy is seen between a frantic pig and a female leopard, trying to break up the argument.]''
:'''Frantic pig''': ''[with hostility]'' Go back to the forest, predator!
:'''Female leopard''': ''[holding up a sign; offended]'' I'm from the savannah!
:'''Gazelle''': ''[interviewed]'' Zootopia is a unique place. It's a crazy, beautiful diverse city where we celebrate our differences. ''[looks behind herself for a moment and gestures]'' This is not the Zootopia I know. ''[Judy is still standing between the frantic pig and the female leopard.]'' The Zootopia I know is better than this. We don't just blindly assign blame. ''[On a train, Judy sees a tiger sitting next to a bunny mother and child, playing on his phone placidly. The mother pulls the child close to her. The tiger's eyebrows narrow slightly. Judy looks on in shame.]'' We don't know why these attacks keep happening, but it is irresponsible to label all predators as savages.  ''[In the asylum, Mrs. Otterton sees her husband in his savage state, tethered to a pole in the middle of the room, snarling and pacing. Judy walks up to her and puts her hand on her shoulder.]''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[sadly]'' That's not my Emmitt. ''[Judy sadly looks at her; looks down and closes her eyes]''
:'''Gazelle''': We cannot let fear divide us. Please, give me back the Zootopia I love.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Come on, Hopps. The new mayor wants to see us. 
:'''Judy''': The mayor? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': It would seem you've arrived.
:'''Judy''': ''[follows Bogo, and sees Clawhauser packing his stuff because he was demoted]'' Clawhauser? What are you doing?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[sadly]'' Um, they thought it would be better if a predator, such as myself, wasn't the first face that you see when you walk into the ZPD.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Clawhauser''': They're gonna move me to records. It's downstairs. It's by the boiler. ''[Clawhauser sadly walks off, Judy looks at him, upset and guilty. Bogo calls to her by the door.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Hopps!
:''[The scene changes to Bellwether’s office, where Judy is holding a ZPD poster displaying her smiling face. She puts it down and looks at Bellwether.]''
:'''Judy''': Um, I don't understand.
:'''Bellwether''': Our city is 90% prey, Judy, and right now, they're just really scared. You're a hero to them. They trust you. And so that's why Chief Bogo and I want you to be the public face of the ZPD. 
:'''Judy''': ''[looks at the cover and gives thought]'' I'm...not-- I'm not a hero. I came here to make the world a better place, but I think I broke it.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Don't give yourself so much credit, Hopps. The world has always been broken. That's why we need good cops. Like you.
:'''Judy''': With all due respect, sir, a good cop is supposed to serve and protect—help the city, not tear it apart. I don't deserve this badge. ''[takes off her badge]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[shocked]'' Hopps.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[also shocked]'' Judy, you've worked so hard to get here. It's what you wanted since you were a kid. You can't quit.
:'''Judy:''' ''[puts her badge on the desk]'' Thank you for the opportunity. ''[walks out of Bellwether's office, downcast]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy, now a carrot farmer, sees an adult Gideon Grey getting out of his pie truck.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that... Gideon Grey?
:'''Stu''': Yep! It sure is. We work with him now.
:'''Bonnie''': He's our partner, and we never would have considered it had you not opened our minds.
:'''Stu''': That's right, I mean Gid's turned into one of the top pastry chefs in the Tri-Burrows.
:'''Judy''': ''[amazed]'' That's-- That's really cool, you guys. ''[Gideon takes out pastries but looks up when he hears Judy.]'' Gideon Grey. I'll be darned.
:'''Gideon''': ''[sincerely]'' Hey, Judy. I would just like to say, I-I'm sorry for the way I behaved in my youth. I-I-I had a lot of self-doubt, and it manifested itself in the form of unchecked rage and aggression. I was a ''major jerk.''
:'''Judy''': Well, I know a thing or two about being a jerk. ''[smiles; Gideon takes out a tray of pies from his truck.]''
:'''Gideon''': ''[smiles]'' Anyhow, I-I brought y'all these pies.
:''[Judy, her parents, and Gideon watch some bunny kids running through a nearby field towards some flowers.]''
:'''Stu''': Hey, kids, don't you run through the ''Midnicampum holicithias!''
:'''Bunny kid''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[he and the others stop running and move away from the flowers]''
:'''Gideon''': Well, now, ''there's'' a $4-word, Mr. H. My family always just called them &quot;Night Howlers&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I'm sor-- What did you say?
:'''Stu''': Oh, Gid's talking about those flowers, Judy. I use them to keep bugs off the produce. But I don't like the little ones going near 'em on account of your Uncle Terry.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, Terry ate one whole when we were kids and went completely nuts.
:'''Stu''': He bit the dickens out of your mother.
:'''Judy''': ''[putting the pieces together]'' A bunny ''can'' go savage.
:'''Bonnie''': Savage? Well, that's a strong word. But it did hurt like the devil.
:'''Stu''': Well, sure it did. There's a sizable divot in your arm. I'd call that savage.
:'''Judy''': ''[realizing the truth]'' Night Howlers aren't wolves. They’re flowers. The flowers are making the predators go savage. ''[gasps]'' That's it! That's what I've been missing! ''[races away towards Stu’s truck, then turns back]'' Oh! Keys! Keys, keys, keys! Hurry! Come on! ''[Stu tosses Judy the keys to his truck.]'' Thank you! I love you, bye! ''[gets in the truck, starts it up and races back towards Zootopia]''
:'''Stu''': You catch any of that, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Not one bit.
:'''Gideon''': Oh, that makes me feel a little bit better, I-I thought she was talking in tongues or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has found Nick lounging near a bridge, and tries to reconcile with him.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, Nick! Night Howlers aren't wolves. They're toxic flowers. I think someone is targeting predators on purpose and making them go savage.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically and still upset with Judy]'' Wow. ''[gets up]'' Isn't that interesting? ''[walks under the bridge, while Judy follows him]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, listen! I-I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't forgive me either. ''[Nick stops walking but doesn't look at Judy.]'' I was ignorant, and irresponsible, and small-minded. But predators shouldn't suffer because of my mistakes. I have to fix this. But I can't do it without you. ''[Nick still refuses to look at her.]'' And-- And after we're done, you can hate me. And tha-- ''[voice breaking]'' And that'll be fine, because I was a horrible friend, and I hurt you. ''[sobbing]'' And you-- And you can walk away knowing that you were right all along: I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
:''[Everything is silent, except for Judy's quiet crying. Then, a recorded voice is heard; through the carrot pen]''
:'''Judy's Voice''': &quot;I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot; ''[Judy tearfully and incredulously looks at Nick. Nick holds up the carrot pen and replays Judy's words.]'' I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot;.
:'''Nick''': ''[stops recording, turns around and smiles]'' Don't worry, Carrots. I'll let you erase it...in 48 hours. ''[Judy tears up with joy, wipes away her tears and, emotionally exhausted, walks towards Nick.]'' All right, get in here. ''[Judy walks closer and leans her face on Nick's torso, still sobbing; Nick embraces her.]'' Okay. Oh, you bunnies. You're so emotional. There we go, deep breath. Are you just trying to steal the pen? Is that what this is? ''[Judy giggles and tries to grab the pen.]'' You ''are'' standing on my tail, though. Off, off-off-off.
:'''Judy''': Oh! I'm sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke Weaselton is selling bootleg movies to citizens.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[to a pedestrian]'' Well, hello. Step right up. Anything you need, I got it. All your favorite movies! I got movies that haven't even been released yet! ''[the pedestrian rightfully refuses]'' Hey, 15% off! 20! Make me an offer! Come on!
:'''Nick''': ''[shows up with Judy]'' Well, well, look who it is. The Duke of Bootleg.
:'''Weaselton''': What's it to you, Wilde? Shouldn't you be melting down a pawpsicle or something? ''[notices and recognizes Judy; smugly]'' Hey, if it isn't Flopsy the Copsy.
:'''Judy''': We both know those weren't moldy onions I caught you stealing. ''[sternly]'' What were you gonna do with those Night Howlers, Wesselton?
:'''Weaselton''': [[w:Frozen (2013 film)|It's Weaselton. Duke Weaselton]]. And I ain't talkin', rabbit. And there's nothin' you can do to make me.
:''[Judy and Nick give each other a look, as if to say, &quot;Desperate times call for desperate measures.&quot;, and the scene changes to Mr. Big's office.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Ice him.
:''[One polar bear dangles Duke over the ice pit.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[screams; to Nick]'' You dirty rat! Why are you helpin' her? She's a cop!
:'''Mr. Big''': And the godmother to my future granddaughter.
:'''Fru-Fru''': ''[pregnant]'' I'm gonna name her Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[sweetly]'' Ohh!
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[chuckles; becomes serious again]'' Ice this weasel.
:'''Weaselton''': ''[yelps]'' Alright, alright, please! I'll talk! I'll talk! I stole them Night Howlers so I could sell 'em. They offered me what I couldn't refuse: Money.
:'''Judy''': And to whom did you sell them?
:'''Weaselton''': A ram named Doug. We got a drop spot underground. Just watch it. Doug is the opposite of friendly. He's '''''un'''friendly.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After their subway car crashes and burns, Judy and Nick enter the Natural History Museum as a shortcut to the ZPD, with the case with the dart gun and the serum pellet inside as evidence. Suddenly, they stop because Bellwether is arriving with two sheep officials.]''
:'''Bellwether''': Judy! Judy!
:'''Judy''': Mayor Bellwether! We found out what's happening. Someone's darting predators with a serum. That's what's making them go savage.
:'''Bellwether''': I'm so proud of you, Judy. You did just a super job.
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am. ''[starts to hand Bellwether the case, but suddenly, she takes it away in surprised suspicion]'' How did you know where to find us?
:'''Bellwether''': I'll go ahead, and I'll take that case now.
:'''Judy''': ''[uneasily]'' Uh, you know what? I think Nick and I will just take this to the ZPD.
:''[The duo are about to leave, but a giant ram blocks their way.]''
:'''Judy and Nick''': Run. 
:'''Bellwether''': ''[to her henchmen]'' Get them. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick have been thrown into a circular bird’s eye view exhibit by one of Bellwether's henchmen; the case was knocked out of their hands.]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs evilly, to Judy]'' Well, you should have just stayed at the carrot farm, huh? It really is too bad, I-I did like you.
:'''Judy''': What are you gonna do? '''''Kill''' me?!''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' No, of course not. ''[aims the dart gun at Nick, deviously]'' ''He'' is. ''[shoots Nick with the serum pellet; he falls to the floor, writhing]''
:'''Judy''': '''''No!''''' Oh, Nick!
:'''Bellwether''': ''[talks to the ZPD via cellphone, fake-panicked]'' Yes, police! There's a savage fox in the Natural History Museum! Officer Hopps is down! Please hurry!
:'''Judy''': No, Nick. Don't do this. Fight it.
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, but he can't help it, can he? Since preds are just biologically predisposed to be savages. ''[Nick appears to turn feral and attacks Judy. She tries to run away and defend herself by throwing a stuffed fawn at him. Judy then cowers by the wall.]'' Gosh. Think of the headline: &quot;Hero cop killed by savage fox&quot;. ''[Nick rips the fawn to pieces with his teeth.]''
:'''Judy''': So that's it? Prey fears predator and you stay in power?
:'''Bellwether''': Yeah. Pretty much.
:'''Judy''': It won't work!
:'''Bellwether''': Fear ''always'' works. And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.
:'''Judy''': ''[as Nick closes in on her, growling]'' Oh, Nick. No.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[chuckles evilly]'' Bye-bye, bunny.
:''[Nick locks his jaws on Judy's neck. Judy shrieks loudly. However, after a short pause, Nick releases her and smiles.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sticks out her tongue; theatrically]'' Bleh! Blood, blood, blood! And death.
:'''Nick''': ''[amused]'' All right, you know, you’re milking it. Besides, I think we got it. ''[to Bellwether]'' I think we got it. We got it up there, thank you, Yakety-Yak. You laid it all out beautifully.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[shocked and confused]'' What? 
:'''Nick''': Yeah, oh, are, are you looking for the serum? ''[pulls out the serum pellet from his pocket]'' Well, it's right here.
:'''Judy''': What you got in the weapon there? Those are blueberries. ''[Bellwether opens the pistol to find that it's loaded with blueberries.]'' From my family's farm.
:'''Nick''': ''[blows a kiss]'' There are delicious. You should try some.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[angrily grunts and closes the pistol]'' I framed Lionheart, I can frame you, too. It's my word against yours.
:'''Judy''': Ooh. Actually… ''[rewinds her recording pen]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[on the recording]'' &quot;And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.&quot;
:'''Judy''': It's ''your'' word against yours.
:'''Bellwether''': Huh?
:'''Judy''': It's called a hustle, sweetheart. Boom.
:''[Looking nervously, Bellwether tries to escape. However, she finds herself surrounded by Chief Bogo and the other Zootopia Police Department officers.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': Former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is behind bars today, guilty of masterminding the savage attacks that have plagued Zootopia of late. ''[showing Bellwether in an orange jumpsuit, in handcuffs, filled with contempt, as two Officers, Jackson and Krumpanski escort her through the crowd as photographers take pictures.]''
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Her predecessor, Leodore Lionheart, denies any knowledge of her plot, claiming he was just trying to protect the city.
:'''Leodore Lionheart''': ''[being interviewed by a porcupine, Quilda]'' Did I falsely imprison those animals? Well, yes. Yes, I did. It was a classic &quot;doing the wrong thing for the right reason&quot; kind of a deal.
:'''Fabienne Growley''': In related news, doctors say the Night howler antidote is proving effective in rehabilitating the afflicted predators.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Judy''': When I was a kid, I thought Zootopia was this perfect place, where everyone got along, and anyone could be anything. Turns out, real life is a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations, we all make mistakes, which means - hey, glass half full! - We all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what type of animal you are, from the biggest elephant to our first fox, I implore you - try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with all of us.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': All right, all right, enough. '''''Shut it!''''' ''[The officers sit down.]'' We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. ''[Nick is seen sitting next to Judy on the same chair she's standing on.]'' Who cares?
:'''Nick''': Heh. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Shut your mouth, Wilde! ''[Judy and the officers snicker, and Bogo takes out his glasses and the files.]'' Assignments: Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer, Delgato; Tundratown SWAT. ''[The officers stand up and leave.]'' Snarlov, Higgins, Wolfard; undercover. ''[Snarlov puts on a green cap, Higgins puts on a fake mustache, and Wolfard puts on a sheep costume, and they leave.]'' Hopps, Wilde... parking duty. Dismissed. ''[Judy and Nick look shocked, as if saying &quot;What?!&quot;. Then Bogo smiles.]'' Just kidding. ''[becomes serious again]'' We have reports of a street racer tearing up Savannah Central. Find him, shut him down.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are on their first patrol as a team.]''
:'''Nick''': So, are all rabbits bad drivers, or is it just you? 
:''[Judy playfully slams on the brakes, making Nick lurch forward.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[slyly]'' Oops. Sorry.
:'''Nick''': ''[pulls off a pawpsicle that got stuck to his face from the impact; chuckles]'' Sly bunny.
:'''Judy''': Dumb fox!
:'''Nick''': You know you love me.
:'''Judy''': Do I know that? ''[smiles warmly]'' Yes. Yes, I do.
:''[The light changes to green, and before they can move, a red car with tinted windows zooms past them. Nick and Judy take notice and smirk at each other. Nick puts on his shades and turns on the siren. Judy hits the pedal, and they chase after the car. They manage to pull over the speeding motorist and walk up to the car.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, you were going 115 miles per hour. I hope you have a good explanation.
:''[The window rolls down, revealing Flash the sloth.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[surprised]'' Well, well! Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!
:'''Flash''': ''[slowly smiles, sheepishly]'' Nick!

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the urban jungle
* That's pretty foxy. (German teaser poster)
* The queen of investigation (French Judy poster)
* The king of scams (French Nick poster)

==Cast==
*'''[[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]''' — Judy Hopps
** '''Kallan Holley''' (young)
*'''[[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]''' — Nick Wilde
** '''{{w|Kath Soucie}}''' (young)
*'''[[Idris Elba]]''' — Chief Bogo
*'''[[w:Jenny Slate|Jenny Slate]]''' — Dawn Bellwether
*'''[[w:Nate Torrence|Nate Torrence]]''' — Benjamin Clawhauser
*'''[[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]]''' — Bonnie Hopps
*'''[[w:Don Lake|Don Lake]]''' — Stu Hopps
*'''[[w:Tommy Chong|Tommy Chong]]''' — Yax
*'''[[w:J. K. Simmons|J.K. Simmons]]''' — Mayor Lionheart
*'''[[w:Octavia Spencer|Octavia Spencer]]''' — Mrs. Otterton
*'''[[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]]''' — Duke Weaselton
*'''[[Shakira]]''' — Gazelle
*'''[[w:Tom Lister Jr.|Tom Lister Jr.]]''' — Finnick
*'''[[w:Raymond S. Persi|Raymond S. Persi]]''' — Flash Slothmore

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Films about sheep]]
[[Category:Films about otters]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rich Moore]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]</text>
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      <text bytes="67438" sha1="ptw9cs1hfoe0l9m6ne7gdfdkzbe86ea" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Shanghai Zootopia Hot Pursuit.jpg|thumb|The Magic Box.]]
'''''[[w:Zootopia|Zootopia]]''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis''''' in some European countries) is a 2016 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 55th Disney animated feature film. Set in a modern world of talking anthropomorphic animals, that follows a rabbit named Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) with big dreams to be a cop, who deals with a con artist fox named Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) to uncover a conspiracy. 
:''Directed by [[w:Byron Howard|Byron Howard]] and [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]], co-directed by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush, [[w:Jim Reardon|Jim Reardon]], Josie Trinidad, [[w:Phil Johnston|Phil Johnston]], and [[w:Jennifer Lee (filmmaker)|Jennifer Lee]]. Screenplay by Jared Bush and Phil Johnston.''
{{center|'''Welcome to the urban jungle.'''&lt;small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Judy Hopps==
* [As a 9-year-old] Well, he was right about one thing: I ''don't'' know when to quit.
* It's your word against yours.
* I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart. Boom.

==Nick Wilde==
* Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles!
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart.
* All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. Sly fox, dumb bunny. ''['''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny.]'' Right. ''[points down to a cement]'' And that's not wet cement.
* Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!

==Flash Slothmore==

==Gazelle==
* I’m Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia.
* ''[In Dancing With Gazelle app]'' Wow, you are one hot dancer, (user's name)!
* ''[sings]'' I won't give up;/I won't give in,/'til I reach the end;/then I'll start again!/No I won't leave;/I wanna try ev'rything;/I wanna try, even though I could fail.

==Dialogue==
:''[After the Carrot Days Festival Talent Show, Young Judy was walking along her parents, Stu and Bonnie Hopps, holding hands]''
:'''Stu''': Judy, you ever wonder how your mom and me got to be so darn happy?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[enthusiastic]'' Nope!
:'''Stu''': Well, we gave up on our dreams, and we settled, right, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, yes, that's right, Stu. We settled hard.
:'''Stu''': See? That's the beauty of complacency, Jude. If you don't try anything new, you'll never fail!
:'''Young Judy''': I like trying, actually. ''[jumps on a line of hay and skips]''
:'''Bonnie''': What your father means, hun, is that it's gonna be difficult, impossible even, for you to become a police officer.
:'''Stu''': Right! There's never been a bunny cop.
:'''Bonnie''': No.
:'''Stu''': Bunnies don't do that.
:'''Bonnie''': Never!
:'''Stu''': Never.
:'''Young Judy''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh... ''[enthusiasm picks up again]'' Then I guess I'll have to be the first one! Because I ''[runs to a stand, flips off of it, and lands, striking a pose]'' am gonna make the world a better place!
:'''Stu''': ''[laughs nervously]'' Or, uh, heck, you know, if you wanna talk about making the world a better place, no better way to do it than becoming a carrot farmer.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes! Your dad, me, your two-hundred seventy-five brothers and sisters, we're changing the world!
:'''Stu''': Yeah.
:'''Bonnie''': One carrot at a time!
:'''Stu''': Amen to that. Carrot farming is a noble profession.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gideon is bullying Sharla, a young lamb with her friends, trying to take her tickets.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': Give me your tickets right now, or I'm gonna kick your meek little sheep butt! ''[shoves Sharla]''
:'''Sharla''': Ow! Cut it out, Gideon!
:'''Young Gideon''': Baa-baa! ''[takes the tickets]'' What are you gonna do, cry?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[out of nowhere]'' Hey! You heard her. Cut it out.
:'''Young Gideon''': Nice costume, loser. What crazy world are you living in where you think a bunny could be a cop? 
:'''Young Judy''': ''[unfazed]'' Kindly return my friend's tickets.
:'''Young Gideon''': Come get 'em. But watch out, 'cause I'm a fox, and like you said in your dumb little stage play, us predators used to ''eat'' prey, and that killer instinct is still in our &quot;dunnah&quot;.
:'''Travis''': Uh, I'm pretty much sure it's pronounced &quot;DNA&quot;.
:'''Young Gideon''': ''[shoving Travis]'' Don't tell me what I know, Travis!
:'''Young Judy''': You don't scare me, Gideon.  ''[Gideon shoves Judy onto the ground, knocking her police hat off her head.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': You scared now?
:'''Travis''': Look at her nose twitch! She ''is'' scared!
:'''Young Gideon''': Cry, little baby bunny. Cry-- ''[Judy kicks him in the face, shocking everyone; feels his lips]'' Aw, you don't know when to quit, do you? ''[retracts his claws and slashes Judy's cheek, offscreen, as she screams, leaving claw marks on her cheek; shoves her face in the dirt]'' I want you to remember this moment, the next time you think you'll ''ever'' be anything more than just a stupid carrot-farming dumb bunny! ''[leaves with Travis and they high-five each other, not realizing Judy sneakily took back the tickets. The children rush to Judy.]''
:'''Gareth''': That looks bad.
:'''Sharla''': Are you okay, Judy?
:'''Young Judy''': Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. ''[holds out the tickets]'' Here you go.
:'''Sharla''': Wow! You got our tickets back!
:'''Gareth''': You're awesome, Judy!
:'''Sharla''': Yeah, that Gideon Grey doesn't know what he's talking about!
:'''Young Judy''': Well, he was right about one thing: ''[puts her police hat back on, as determination spreads across her face]'' I ''don't'' know when to quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy is with her parents and her other relatives at the train station as she gets ready for the train to Zootopia.]''
:'''Bonnie''': We're real proud of you, Judy.
:'''Stu''': Yeah. And scared, too.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes.
:'''Stu''': Really, it's a kind of a &quot;proud-scared&quot; combo. I mean Zootopia! It's so far away. Such a big city.
:'''Judy''': Guys, I've been working for this my whole life.
:'''Bonnie''': We know, and we're just a little excited for you, but terrified.
:'''Judy''': The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
:'''Stu''': And also, bears. We have bears to fear, too. To say nothing about lions, and wolves--
:'''Bonnie''': Wolves?
:'''Stu''': Weasels.
:'''Bonnie''': You play Cribbage with a weasel?
:'''Stu''': Yeah, and he cheats like there's no tomorrow. You know what? Pretty much all predators, and Zootopia's full of them.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, Stu.
:'''Stu''': And foxes are the worst.
:'''Bonnie''': Actually, your father does have a point there. It's in their biology. Remember what happened with Gideon Grey?
:'''Judy''': When I was 9, Gideon Grey was a jerk who happened to be a fox. I know plenty of bunnies who are jerks.
:'''Stu''': Yeah, but just in case, we made you a little care package to take with you
:'''Bonnie''': And I put some snacks in there.
:'''Stu''': This is fox deterrent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, I know.
:'''Stu''': This is fox repellent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, the deterrent and the repellent--
:'''Stu''': ''[shows Judy a fox taser]'' And check this out! ''[The fox taser unleashes a powerful zap, surprising him.]''
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, for goodness sake, she has no need for a fox taser, Stu.
:'''Stu''': Oh, come on, when is there not a need for a fox taser?
:'''Judy''': Okay, look, I will take this ''[shows her parents the fox repellent]'' to make you stop talking.
:'''Stu''': Terrific! Everyone wins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy meets two of her neighbors at her new apartment.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hi, I'm Judy, your new neighbor.
:'''Bucky''': Yeah? Well, we're loud.
:'''Pronk''': Don’t expect us to apologize for it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the Zootopia Police Department, Officer Fangmeyer, a tiger, takes in a wolf with a muzzle.]''
:'''Muzzled wolf''': Come on! He bared his teeth first!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[behind the radio dispatcher's desk, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps Cereal.]'' Mm-mm-mmm! ''[Judy walks up to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': Excuse me!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[looking around in surprise]'' Hm?
:'''Judy''': Down here! ''[Clawhauser looks out from his desk and sees Judy]'' Hi!
:'''Clawhauser''': O.M. Goodness. ''[puts down his bowl of cereal, clearly surprised and excited]'' They really did hire a bunny. ''[Laughs]'' What?! Heh, I gotta tell you, you are even cuter than I thought you'd be!
:'''Judy''': Ooh, uh, you probably didn't know, but a bunny can call another bunny cute, but when other animals do it, it's a little...
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[Gasps]'' I am so sorry! ''[pointing to himself]'' Me, Benjamin Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks is just a flabby, donut-loving cop stereotyping you. Aw...
:'''Judy''': ''[giggles]'' That's okay. ''[notices a donut stuck under Clawhauser's neck fold]'' Oh, you've actually - you've actually got... There's a...
:'''Clawhauser''': Um... A what?
:'''Judy''': In your neck, the fold... The - the, there's...
:'''Clawhauser''': Where? ''[Pulls the donut out of his neck fat]'' Oh, there you went, you little dickens! ''[eats the donut whole.]'' Nom!
:'''Judy''': ''[laughs nervously]'' I should get to roll call, so which way do I-
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[points]'' Oh, bull pen's over there to the left.
:'''Judy''': Great. Thank you! ''[Judy walks off to the bull pen as the other officers stare at her in astonishment.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Aww! That poor little bunny's gonna get eaten alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': First... we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. ''[turns to an elephant officer]'' Francine. ''[they look at Francine in mild suspense]'' Happy birthday.
:''[The suspense turns into excitement; officers around Francine get involved in a tussle]''
:'''Office Francine:''' Heh, oh yeah? ''[gives Officer Jackson a noogie]''
:'''Judy''': ''[applauds and is later surprised]'' Oh, oh...

&lt;hr with=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As exiting from the ice cream parlor after Judy gave Nick and Finnick, who disguise as a toddler in an elephant costume.]''
:'''Nick''': Officer, I can't thank you enough. So kind, really. Can I pay you back?
:'''Judy''': Oh no, my treat. It just - you know, it burns me up to see folks with such backward attitudes toward foxes. I just wanna say that you're a great dad and just a... A real articulate fella.
:'''Nick''': Well, that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing. Officer...
:'''Judy''': Hopps. Mr...
:'''Nick''': Wilde. Nick Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick shake paws]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Finnick]'' And you, little guy, you want to be an elephant when you grow up? You be an elephant. Because this is Zootopia. ''[places a Zootopia Police sticker on Finnick]'' Anyone can be anything. ''[Finnick toots]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy spotted Nick and found out what he’s doing with the jumbo-pop, Nick explains that she’ll never be a cop.]''
:'''Nick''': All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. ''[points to himself]'' Sly fox, [points to Judy] dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny. ''[She sinks a bit and there is a soft squelch as she sinks to her knees]''
:'''Nick''': Right. ''[points down]'' And that's not wet cement. ''[Judy is seen up to her knees in cement; Three construction beavers take notice and glare at her. Nick walks off as Judy struggles to break loose]'' You'll never be a real cop. You’re a cute meter maid, though. Maybe a supervisor one day. Hang in there! ''[Nick turns a corner, leaving Judy upset.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy returns to her apartment with her feet covered in cement powder. She enters her room, puts her stuff on her desk, and cycles sadly through songs on the radio; &quot;Everybody Hurts&quot; by R.E.M., &quot;All by Myself&quot; by Eric Carmen, &quot;Can't Do Nuthin' Right&quot; by Madisen Ward, and &quot;I, Loser&quot; by Winston Marshall.]''
:''[Throughout the music, Judy puts a container of Carrots for One in the microwave and watches it with a lachrymose look on her face. When it's finished, she takes it out, opens it, only to find only one dried carrot. Judy groans and lets it fall into the trash. Then her phone rings. Judy picks it up and sees her parents calling. Judy groans, puts on a forced smile, and answers her phone.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hey! It's my parents!
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, there she is. Hi, sweetheart.
:'''Stu''': Hey there, Jude the Dude. How was your first day on the force?
:'''Judy''': It was real great.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah? Everything you ever hoped?
:'''Judy''': Mm-hmm. Absolutely, and more. Everyone's so nice, and I feel like I'm really making a difference.
:'''Stu''': ''[looks closely on the screen]'' Whoa, wait a second. Holy cripes, Bonnie, look at that.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, my sweet heavens! ''[hopefully]'' Judy, are you a meter maid?
:'''Judy''': Oh, this? No! Oh, no, no! This is just a temporary thing.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, it's the safest job in the force.
:'''Stu''': Oh, she's not a real cop. Our prayers have been answered!
:'''Bonnie''': Glorious day!
:'''Stu''': Oh, meter maid! Meter maid! Meter maid! ''Meter maid!''
:'''Judy''': Dad. ''Dad! '''Dad!''''' ''[changes the subject]'' You know what, it's been a really long day. I should--
:'''Bonnie''': That's right, you get some rest.
:'''Stu''': Those meters aren't gonna maid themselves.
:'''Bonnie''': Bye-bye. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Buh-bye. ''[puts her phone on the table]'' 
:'''Pronk''': Hey, bunny, turn down that depressing music!
:''[Judy turns off the radio.]''
:'''Bucky''': Leave the meter maid alone! Didn't you hear her conversation? She feels like a failure!
:'''Pronk''': Oh, shut up!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!
:'''Pronk''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Judy''': ''[groans; to herself]'' Tomorrow's another day.
:'''Pronk''': ''[apparently hearing Judy]'' Yeah, but it might be worse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, Judy is on meter duty again. A parking meter goes off, and she puts a ticket on a car. A moose is angry.]''
:'''Moose''': ''[grunts angrily]'' I was '''30 SECONDS OVER!'''
:''[Another parking meter expires, and Judy puts a ticket on a tiny car.]''
:'''Mouse''': Ugh! ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, you're a &quot;real hero&quot;, lady.  ''[Another parking meter goes off and Judy puts another ticket on another car.]''
:'''Hippo kid''': ''[innocently]'' My mommy says she wishes you were dead.
:'''Offscreen angry driver''': Uncool, rabbit. My tax dollars pay your salary.   ''[Irritated, Judy goes inside her car and slowly taps her head on the steering wheel.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to herself]'' I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy capured Duke Weaselton; At the ZPD, Clawhauser is talking to Mrs. Otterton.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay. You're gonna have to be patient and wait in line just like everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay?
:'''Judy''': ''[after capturing Duke Weaselton]'' I popped the weasel!
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Hopps!''' [on the second-floor balcony; points to his office]
:'''Officer''': ''[whispers; off-screen]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Abandoning your post, inciting a scurry, reckless endangerment of rodents! But to be fair, you did stop a master criminal from stealing two dozen moldy onions. ''[shows the bag, revealing plant bulbs]''
:'''Judy''': Mmm, hate to disagree with you, sir, but those aren't onions. Those are a crocus varietal called ''Midnicampum holicithias''. They're a Class C botanical, sir. Well, I grew up in a family where plant husbandry was kind of a thing.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut your tiny mouth now! ''[puts the bag away]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I got the bad guy. That's my job.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Your job is ''putting tickets on parked cars!'' ''[his intercom beeps]''
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[through the intercom]'' Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton is here to see you again.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now.
:'''Clawhauser''': OK, I just didn't know if you'd want to take this time. She seems really upset.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Not now!'''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I don't wanna be a meter maid, I wanna be a real cop.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Do you think the mayor asked what ''I'' ''wanted'' when he assigned you to me?
:'''Judy''': But, sir, if--
:'''Chief Bogo''': Life isn't some cartoon musical where you ''sing a little song,'' and your insipid dreams '''''magically come true!''''' So, ''[[w:Let It Go (Disney song)|let it go]].''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[comes into Bogo's office]'' Chief Bogo, please. 5 minutes of your time, please.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[out of breath]'' I'm sorry, sir. I tried to stop her. She's super slippery. I gotta go sit down.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, as I've told you, we're doing everything we can.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': My husband has been missing for 10 days. His name is Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Yes, I know.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': He's a florist. We have two beautiful children. He would never just disappear.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, our detectives are very busy.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[desperate]'' Please. There's gotta be somebody to find my Emmitt.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Mrs. Otterton--
:'''Judy''': I will find him.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[elated]'' Oh, thank you! ''[runs up to Judy and hugs her]'' Bless you! Bless you, little bunny! ''[Bogo growls in annoyance.]'' Take this. Find my Emmitt. Bring him home to me and my babies, please. ''[hands a photo of her family to Judy]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ahem! Mrs. Otterton, will you please wait out here?
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': Of course. Oh, thank you both so much. ''[leaves the office]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': One second. ''[closes the door; sternly to Judy]'' You're fired.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': Insubordination! Now, I'm going to open this door, and you're going to tell that otter that you're a former meter maid with delusions of grandeur who will ''not be taking the case.'' ''[opens the door to see Mrs. Otterton with Bellwether]''
:'''Bellwether''': I just heard Officer Hopps is taking the case.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[surprised]'' Assistant Mayor Bellwether.
:'''Bellwether''': The Mammal Inclusion Initiative is really startin' to pay off. ''[chuckles]'' Mayor Lionheart is just gonna be so jazzed!
:'''Chief Bogo''': No, no, let's not tell the mayor just yet.
:'''Bellwether''': And I've sent it, and it is done, so I did do that. ''[Bogo facepalms in annoyance.]'' Alright, well, I'd say the case is in good hands. Us little guys really need to... stick together, right?
:'''Judy''': Like glue.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' Good one. Just call me if you ever need anything, okay? You've always got a friend at City Hall, Judy. Alright, bye-bye. ''[she and Mrs. Otterton leaves]''
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[closes the door and sighs; reluctantly]'' I will give you 48 hours.
:'''Judy''': ''[excited]'' '''''YES!'''''
:'''Chief Bogo''': That’s ''two days'' to find Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Judy''': Okay.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''But,''''' you strike out... ''you resign.'' (Okay?)
:'''Judy''': ''[her enthusiasm drops]'' Oh. Uh... ''[regains her composure]'' Okay. Deal.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[smirks]'' Splendid. Clawhauser will give you the complete case file.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has tracked down Nick, believing him to be a lead in her case. She drives her meter maid cart next to him, who is pushing a stroller with sleeping Finnick inside.]''
:'''Judy''': Hi! Hello? It's me again!
:'''Nick''': Hey, it's Officer Toot-Toot!
:'''Judy''': ''[chortles]'' No. Actually, it's Officer Hopps, and I'm here to ask you some questions about a case.
:'''Nick''': What happened, meter maid? Did someone steal a traffic cone? It wasn't me. ''[Annoyed, Judy rides up and pulls up in front of Nick, blaring her siren.]'' Hey, Carrots, you're gonna wake the baby. ''[refers to Finnick]'' I gotta get to work.
:'''Judy''': ''[gets out of her cart with the folder, a notepad, and a carrot pen]'' This is important, sir. I think your ''$10'' worth of pawpsicles can wait.
:'''Nick''': Heh. I make 200 bucks ''a day,'' Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12.'' And time is money. Hop along.
:'''Judy''': Please, just look at the picture. ''[shows a close-up picture of Emmitt eating a pawsicle]'' You sold Mr. Otterton that pawpsicle, right? Do you know him?
:'''Nick''': I know everybody. And I also know that somewhere, there's a toy store missin' its stuffed animal, so why don't you get back to your box?
:'''Judy''': ''[her smile drops and becomes serious]'' Fine. Then we’ll have to do this the hard way.
:''[Attaches a clamp to Nick’s stroller.]''
:'''Nick''': Did you just boot my stroller?
:'''Judy''': Nicholas Wilde, you are under arrest.
:'''Nick''': ''[scoffs]'' For what? ''[in a baby voice; mockingly]'' Hurting your feewings?
:'''Judy''': ''[smiles slyly]'' Felony tax evasion. ''[Nick's smile drops, and his eyes widen in shock as Judy writes.]'' Yeah, $200 a day, 365 days a year since you were 12. That's two decades, so times 20, which is... $1,460,000, ''I think.'' I mean, I ''am'' just a &quot;dumb bunny&quot;, but we ''are'' good at multiplying. Anyway, according to your tax forms, you reported, let me see here... '''''0!''''' ''[Nick's face freezes in shock.]'' Unfortunately, lying on a federal form is a punishable offense. Five years jail time.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's my word against yours.
:''[Judy pulls out her carrot pen and plays back Nick's confession;'' ''through the carrot pen]'' &quot;(I make) 200 bucks ''a day''. Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12&quot;.''
:'''Judy''': Actually, it's ''your'' word against yours. And if you want this pen, you're going to help me find this poor missing otter, or the only place you'll be selling pawsicles is the prison cafeteria. ''[smirks mockingly]'' It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
:''[A slight pause.]''
:'''Finnick''': She hustled you. ''[opens the stroller, laughing]'' She hustled you '''''good!''''' You a cop now, Nick! You gon' need one o' these. ''[slaps his badge sticker on Nick's shirt. Nick frowns.]'' Have fun working with the fuzz! ''[walks away, still laughing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Nick]'' Start talking.
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' I don't know where he is. I only saw where he went.
:'''Judy''': Great! Let's go! ''[gets in her cart]''
:'''Nick''': ''[smirks]'' It's not exactly a place for a... cute little bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Don't call me &quot;cute&quot;; Get in the car.
:'''Nick''': ''[smirking]'' Okay, you're the boss. ''[joins Judy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Mystic Spring Oasis.]''
:'''Yax''': ''[chanting]'' Om... Om... Om...
:'''Judy''': ''[clears throat]'' Hi. Uh, hello.
:'''Yax''': ''[loudly]'' '''''Om... Om...'''''
:'''Judy''': Hello? Hello!
:''[Yax comes out of his meditation, shaking his head, making flies buzz around his head. He removes his hair from his eyes, looks down, and sees Judy.]''
:'''Yax''': Hmm?
:'''Judy''': Hello. My name is--
:'''Yax''': Oh, you know, I'm gonna hit the pause button right there, cause we're all good on bunny scout cookies.
:'''Judy''': Uh, no. I'm Officer Hopps, ZPD. I'm looking for a missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton, right here. He may have frequented this establishment.
:'''Yax''': ''[looks at the picture of Emmitt and sneezes]'' Yeah, old Emmitt! ''[laughs]'' Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But, hey, you should talk to his [[yoga]] instructor. I'd be happy to take you back.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you so much, I'd appreciate that more than you can imagine, it'd be such an-- ''[covers her eyes]'' '''''OHHHHHH!''''' You are naked!
:'''Yax''': Huh? Oh, for sure! We're a naturalist club! ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': Yeah. In Zootopia, anyone can be anything. And these guys, they be naked.
:'''Yax''': Nangi's just on the other side of the pleasure pool. ''[Judy sees many nude animals, and she is shocked]''
:'''Nick''': Oh, boy. Does this make you uncomfortable? Because if so, there's no shame in calling quits.
:'''Judy''': Yes, there is.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Boy, that's the spirit.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, some mammals say the naturalist life is weird, but you know what I say is weird? Clothes on animals. Here we go! ''[Judy groans; the trio comes across Nangi]'' As you can see, Nangi's an elephant, so she'll totally remember everything. Hey, Nangi, these dudes have some questions about Emmitt the otter.
:'''Nangi''': Who?
:'''Yax''': Uh, Emmitt Otterton? Been coming to your yoga class for, like, 6 years?
:'''Nangi''': I have no memory of this beaver.
:'''Judy''': He's an otter, actually.
:'''Yax''': He was here a couple of Wednesdays ago, remember? 
:'''Nangi''': No.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, he was wearing a cable knit sweater vest and a new pair of corduroy slacks. Oh, and a Paisley tie, sweet Windsor knot. Real tight. Remember that, Nangi?  
:'''Nangi''': No. 
:'''Yax''': Yeah, and we both walked him out, and he got into this big old white car with a silver trim. Needed a tune-up, the third cylinder wasn't firing. Remember that, Nangi?
:'''Nangi''': ''[with her body curled into the shape of a backwards C]'' Nope.
:'''Judy''': Um, uh, you didn't happen to catch the license plate number, did you?
:'''Yax''': Oh, for sure. It was 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:''[Nick seems amazed at Nangi's flexibility and looks at Judy's notes, and briefly nods]''
:'''Judy''': ''[writing it down]'' (2-9-T-H-D-)0-3. Wow, this is a lot of great info, thank you.
:'''Yax''': Told you Nangi has a mind like a steel trap. Ah, I wish I had a memory like an elephant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick arrive at the Department of Motor Vehicles to look up the license plate number; Judy is shocked to see that the DMV is run by sloths.]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, they're all ''sloths?!'' ''[seeing all the sloths works so slowly]'' You said this was gonna be quick!
:'''Nick''': Are you saying that because he's a sloth he can't be fast? I thought in Zootopia, anyone could be anything. ''[They walk up to one of the sloths.]'' Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Buddy, it's nice to see you.
:'''Flash''': Nice to... see you... too.
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, I'd love you to meet my friend. Uh, darling, I've forgotten your name.
:'''Judy''': Hmm... Ah… Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. How are you?
:'''Flash''': I am... doing... just...
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to finish Flash's sentence]'' Fine?
:'''Flash''': ...as well... as... I can... be. What...
:'''Nick''': ''[to Judy; smugly]'' Hang in there.
:'''Flash''': ...can I... do...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate--
:'''Flash''': ...for you...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could--
:'''Flash''': ...today? ''[pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate for us. We are in a really big hurry.
:'''Flash''': Sure. What's the... plate...
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T--
:'''Flash''': ...number?
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[begins typing the plate number very slowly on his computer]'' 2...9... 
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to speed up the process]'' T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...T...
:'''Judy''': H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...H...
:'''Judy''': D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[pauses; types D]'' ...D...
:'''Judy''': Mmm-hmm. 0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...0...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately]'' ''3!''
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke?
:'''Judy''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Flash''': ''[stops typing]'' Sure. ''[Judy growls in annoyance.]''
:'''Nick''': Okay, what do you call a three-humped camel?
:'''Flash''': I don't... know. What...''do...''you call...a...
:'''Judy''': ''[impatiently]'' ...three-humped...camel.
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... camel?
:'''Nick''': Pregnant. ''[laughs]''
:''[Flash stares for a few seconds and starts laughing slowly.]''
:'''Judy''': Ha-ha! Yes, very funny, very funny! Can we please just focus on the---
:'''Flash''': Hey...
:'''Judy''': Wait, wait, wait!
:'''Flash''': ...Priscilla!
:'''Judy''': Oh, no!
:'''Priscilla''': Yes... Flash?
:'''Flash''': What...
:'''Judy''': Oh!
:'''Flash''': ...do...
:'''Judy''': No!
:'''Flash''': ...you call a...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately trying to speed up the joke]'' A three-humped camel? Pregnant! Okay, great! We got it! Please, just...
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... ''[Judy growls in frustration and bangs her head on the counter. Much later, the paper prints out; slowly separates it at the perforation and hands it to Judy]'' Here...
:'''Judy''': Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry.
:'''Flash''': ...you...
:'''Judy''': ''[hastily grabs the paper]'' Thank you! 29THD03.
:'''Flash''': ...go.
:'''Judy''': It's registered to... Tundratown Limo Service! A limo took Otterton! And the limo's in Tundratown! ''[quickly runs out]'' It's in Tundratown!
:'''Nick''': ''[to Flash]'' Way to hustle, bud. I love ya. I owe ya.  ''[Judy and Nick walk out of the DMV.]''
:'''Judy''': Hurry! We gotta beat the rush hour and-- ''[looks outside, shocked]'' '''''IT'S NIGHT?!''''' ''[the scene changes to the Tundratown Limo Service; tugs on the lock on the gate]'' Closed! Great.
:'''Nick''': Mm. And I will betcha you don't have to warrant to get in, hmm? Darn it. It's a bummer. 
:'''Judy''': You wasted the day on purpose!
:'''Nick''': Madam, I have a ''fake badge''. I would never impede your pretend investigation.
:'''Judy''': It's not a pretend investigation. ''[takes out Emmitt's family picture]'' Look, see? See him? This otter is missing. 
:'''Nick''': Well, they should've gotten a real cop to find him.
:'''Judy''': ''[puts the picture away]'' What is your problem? Does seeing me fail somehow make you feel better about your own sad, miserable life?
:'''Nick''': It does, 100%. Now, since you're sans warrant, I guess we're... done? 
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. We are done. ''[reveals the carrot pen]'' Here's your pen.
:'''Nick''': ''[tries to reach the pen]'' Hey! ''[Judy throws the carrot pen over the fence]'' First off, you throw like a bunny. Second, you're a very sore loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': ''[opens the limo’s glove compartment and suddenly jumps back in alarm]'' Oh, my God!   
:'''Judy''': What? What?!
:'''Nick''': ''The Velvety Pipes of Jerry Vole!'' ''[smirks; Judy looks at him annoyed, puts a polar bear’s fur in a plastic bag.]'' But on CD. Who still uses CDs? ''[tosses the CDs back, opens the door revealing the back, gets spooked and his ears pull back]'' Carrots, if your otter was here, he had a very bad day.
:'''Judy''': ''[goes to take a look, which the back is ripped, and claw marks are shown everywhere]'' Those are... claw marks. You ever seen anything like this?
:'''Nick''': No.
:'''Judy''': Oh, wait. Look! ''[hops down and looks at Emmitt's wallet, seeing his picture]'' This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He was definitely here. What do you think happened?
:'''Nick''': ''[looks around and sees a cup. He picks it up and sees a fancy &quot;B&quot; imprinted on it.]'' Well, now, wait a minute. Polar bear fur, Rat Pack music, fancy cup? ''[alarmed]'' I know whose car this is. We gotta go.
:'''Judy''': Why? Whose car is it?
:'''Nick''': The most feared crime boss in Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big, and he does ''not'' like me, so we gotta go.
:'''Judy''': I'm not leaving. This is a crime scene.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's gonna be an even bigger crime scene if Mr. Big finds me here, ''[opens the limo’s door]'' so we're leaving ''right now.'' ''[turns and sees two polar bears waiting for them]'' Oh, gah! Raymond! And is that Kevin? Long time, no see. And speaking of no see, how about you forget you saw me? Huh? For old times' sake? ''[Raymond and Kevin grab the two by their throats.]'' That's a no.
:''[Later, Judy and Nick are sitting between the two bears in a car being driven to see Mr. Big. One of the bears is looking at his smartphone at a photo of him and the other bear trapping a wolf in a headlock and chuckles to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[whispering]'' What did you do that made Mr. Big so mad at you?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering]'' I, um... I may have sold him a very expensive wool rug... that was made from the fur of a skunk...'s butt.
:'''Judy''': Oh, sweet cheese and crackers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Raymond and Kevin take Judy and Nick to a room, and no one seems to be there. They push the duo forward as one polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that Mr. Big?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispers]'' No.
:''[Another polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': What about him? Is that him?
:'''Nick''': No!
:''[A third polar bear, Koslov, larger than the others, enters the room and walks to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps at the sight of him]'' That's gotta be him.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering through gritted teeth]'' Stop talking, stop talking, ''stop talking!''
:''[Koslov unclenches his hands to reveal a tiny chair. He turns it around, revealing Mr. Big, who is a shrew.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[tilts her head]'' Huh.
:'''Nick''': Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple mis-- ''[Mr. Big grunts and holds out his hand, showing a ring on his finger.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[kisses Mr. Big's ring]'' This is a simple misunderstanding.  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[speaking in a [[w:Vito Corleone|Vito-Corleone]]-style voice]'' [[The Godfather|You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married.]]
:'''Nick''': Well, actually, we were brought here against our will, so-- ''[laughs nervously; Mr. Big gives him a look]'' Point is, I–I did not know that it was your car, and I certainly did not know about your daughter's wedding.
:'''Mr. Big''': I trusted you, Nicky. I welcomed you into my home. We broke bread together. Grandmama made you a cannoli. And how did you repay my generosity? With a rug. Made from the butt of a skunk. A skunk-butt rug. You disrespected me. You disrespected my grandmama, who I buried in that skunk-butt rug. ''[Koslov crosses his chest in prayer.]'' I told you to never show your face here again, but here you are, snooping around with this-- ''[to Judy]'' What are you, a performer? What's with the costume?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I am a co--
:'''Nick''': Mime! She is a mime! This ''mime'' cannot speak. You can't speak if you're a mime.  
:'''Judy''': No, I'm a cop. ''[shows Emmitt's family picture]'' And I'm on the Emmitt Otterton case, and my evidence puts him in ''your car.'' So, intimidate me all you want, I'm gonna find out what you did to that otter if it's the ''last thing I do.'' 
:'''Mr. Big''': Meh. Then I have only one request: Say hello to Grandmama. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. 
:''[The polar bears grab Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! I-I-I didn't see nothing! I'm not saying nothing!
:'''Mr. Big''': And you never will.   
:'''Nick''': Please!
:'''Judy''': Put me down!
:''[The polar bears open a trap door, revealing an ice water pit below and dangle the two.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! If you're mad at me about the rug, I've got more rugs.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[enters the room in a wedding dress]'' Oh, Daddy! It's time for our dance! ''[sees the polar bears holding Nick and Judy above the pit; upset]'' Ugh! What did we say? No icing anyone at my wedding!  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[to Fru Fru]'' I have to, baby, Daddy has to. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. ''[The polar bears prepare to lower Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! 
:'''Fru Fru''': Wait. Wait! ''[The polar bears stop again.]'' She's the bunny that saved my life yesterday! From that giant donut!
:'''Mr. Big''': This bunny? 
:'''Fru Fru''': Yeah! ''[waves to Judy]'' Hi! 
:'''Judy''': Hi. I love your dress.
:'''Fru Fru''': Aw, thank you! 
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. Put 'em down. ''[The polar bears close the trap door and put Judy and Nick down; to Judy]'' You have done me a great service. I will help you find the otter. I will take your kindness and pay it forward. ''[extends his arms with a smile; Judy leans forward, and Mr. Big kisses her on both cheeks. Nick looks at them, dumbfounded.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Fru Fru's wedding, Mr. Big talks to Judy about what happened to Emmitt Otterton.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton is my florist. He's like a part of the family. He had something important he wanted to discuss. That's why I sent that car to pick him up. But he never arrived.
:'''Judy''': Because he was attacked.
:'''Mr. Big''': No. He attacked.
:'''Judy''': Otterton?
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton. He went crazy - ripped up the car, scared my driver half to death ''[his eyes are visible for a moment and widen as he says this last part]'', and disappeared into the night. ''[he holds his paw out for emphasis]''
:'''Judy''': But he's a sweet little otter.
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. My child, we may be evolved, but deep down, we are still animals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Judy and Nick were being chased by Manchas who got savage, Clawhauser shows the Gazelle dancing app on his phone to the wolf prisoner at the ZPD]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Are you familiar with Gazelle? Greatest singer of our lifetime? Angel with horns? Okay, hold on. Keep watching. ''[shows his face on a tiger dancer with Gazelle dancing besides]'' Who's that beside her? Who is it?
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Benjamin Clawhauser.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[laughs]'' It's me! Did you think it was real? It looks so real! ''[Slightly disappointed]'' It's not, it's just a new app.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are trying to get away from a savage Manchas by swinging onto a vine.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[as Judy holds onto the vine]'' Rabbit, whatever you do, do not let go!
:'''Judy''': ''[sees some other vines]'' I'm gonna let go!
:'''Nick''': No, you-- '''''What?!'''''
:'''Judy''': One, two--
:'''Nick''': No, I said, do not-- '''''RABBIT!''''' ''[Judy lets go and swings herself and Nick under the bridge and ends up trapped in vines. Manchas growls at them.]'' Carrots, you saved my life. 
:'''Judy''': ''[warmly]'' Well, that's what we do at the ZPD. '''''AAAAHH!'''''  ''[The vines snap, sending the pair falling into the trees.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick leads Chief Bogo and the ZPD to the sky tram to shows them a savage Manchas who chased them]''
:'''Judy''': I thought this was just a missing mammal case, but it's way bigger. Mr. Otterton did not just disappear. I believe he, and this jaguar, they... they went savage, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Savage? This isn't the Stone Age, Hopps. Animals don't &quot;go savage&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I thought so too... 'Till I saw this. ''[Judy moves the leaves to show Manchas, but he's disappear]'' '''What?''' He was right here!
:'''Chief Bogo''': The savage jaguar?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I know what I saw. He almost killed us!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Or maybe any aggressive predator looks &quot;savage&quot; to you rabbits. ''[to the ZPD]'' Let's go! ''[starts to leave; Judy tries to stop him]''
:'''Judy''': No. Wait! Sir, I'm not the only one who saw him. ''[looks at Nick, who is between the officers]'' Nick!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[scoffs]'' You think I'm gonna believe a fox?
:'''Judy''': Well, he was a key witness, and I-
:'''Chief Bogo''': Two days to find the otter, or you quit. That was the deal. ''[holds out his hoof]'' Badge. ''[Nick looks at Judy and Chief Bogo, shocked]''
:'''Judy''': But sir--
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''BADGE!'''
:''[Judy reluctantly starts to unclip her badge, until Nick speaks.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[to Chief Bogo]'' Uh, no.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[looking at him incredulously]'' What did you say, fox?
:'''Nick''': Sorry, what I said was, '''''&quot;No!&quot;''''' She will not be giving you that badge. Look, you gave her a... a clown vest, a three-wheeled joke-mobile, and two days to solve a case you guys haven't cracked in two weeks? ''[Chief Bogo looks slightly ashamed]'' Yeah, it's no wonder she needed to get help from a fox. None of you guys were gonna help her, were you? ''[Chief Bogo tries to speak but Nick cuts him off]'' Here's the thing, chief. You gave her the 48 hours, so technically we still have... ''[counts and holds out his paws]'' ten left to find our Mr. Otterton, and that is exactly what we're gonna do. So, if you'll excuse us, we have a very big lead to follow, and a case to crack. Good day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nick is finishing telling Judy his story of how he, as a kid, was bullied by prey Junior Ranger Scout kids.]''
:'''Nick''': I learned two things that day. One: I was never gonna let anyone see that they got to me.
:'''Judy''': And two?
:'''Nick''': If the world's only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there's no point trying to be anything else.
:'''Judy''': ''[comfortingly]'' Nick, you are ''so'' much more than that. ''[puts her paw on Nick's arm, who becomes uncomfortable and quickly changes the subject]''
:'''Nick''': Boy, look at that traffic down there. How about we go up to Chuck in traffic central? ''[puts two fingers up to his ear, imitating a reporter]'' Chuck, how are things looking on the jam-cams?
:'''Judy''': Nick, I’m glad you told me.
:'''Nick''': ''[realizing]'' The jam-cams.
:'''Judy''': Seriously, it's okay.
:'''Nick''': No, no, no. Shh. There are traffic cameras everywhere, all over the canopy! Whatever happened to that jaguar--
:'''Judy''': The traffic cams would have caught it!
:'''Nick''': Bingo!
:'''Judy''': Ha-ho! Pretty sneaky, slick!
:'''Nick''': However, if you didn't have access to the system before, I doubt Chief Buffalo Butt is gonna let you into it now.
:'''Judy''': No. ''[gets an idea]'' But I have a friend at City Hall who might.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Cliffside Asylum, hiding at an empty cell and eavesdropping a conversation between Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger.]''
:'''Lionheart''': ''[annoyed]'' Enough! I don't want excuses, Doctor! I want answers!
:'''Dr. Badger:''' Mayor Lionheart, please. We're doing everything we can.
:'''Lionheart''': Really? 'Cause I've got a dozen-and-a-half animals in here who'd gone off-the-rails crazy, and you can't tell me why! Now, I'd call that awfully far from &quot;doing everything&quot;!
:'''Dr. Badger''': Sir, it may be time to consider their biology.
:'''Lionheart''': What? What do you mean, &quot;biology&quot;?
:'''Dr. Badger''': The only animals going savage are predators. We ''cannot'' keep it a secret, we ''need'' to come forward.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hmmm. Great idea. Tell the public. And how do you think they're gonna feel about their mayor... ''[yells angrily]'' '''''WHO IS A LION?! I'LL BE RUINED!'''''
:'''Dr. Badger''': Well, what does Chief Bogo say?
:'''Lionheart''': Chief Bogo doesn't know, and ''we are going to keep it that way.''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps as her phone starts ringing because of her parents calling her]'' Oh, no, no, no!
:'''Lionheart''': ''[having heard Judy's phone ring]'' Someone's here!
:'''Dr. Badger''': ''[ushering Lionheart out of the room]'' Sir, you need to go. Now. Security, sweep the area! ''[shuts the door, setting off an alarm, which automatically shuts and locks all the cells]''
:'''Nick''': ''[after he and Judy notice the timber wolves about to burst into the room to sweep the jail cells]'' Great. We're dead. We're dead. That's it! I’m dead, you’re dead. Everybody's dead! ''[leans against a toilet without realizing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gets an idea]'' Can you swim?
:'''Nick''': What? Can I swim? ''[Judy puts her phone in a plastic bag.]'' Yes, I can swim. Why?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After escaping the asylum’s mental hospital, Judy and Nick slide down the pipe and fall out, going down the waterfall, Judy in a diving position, Nick twisting and turning in weird positions while screaming, before falling into the water below.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[emerges]'' Carrots? Hopps! ''[worriedly]'' '''''Judy!!'''''
:'''Judy''': ''[also emerges, holding the plastic bag with her phone in it]'' We gotta tell Bogo!
:''[In his office, Bogo looks at the Gazelle dancing app and sees his face on a tiger dancer.]''
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Chief Bogo. ''[Bogo smiles, and then quickly puts his phone away as Clawhauser enters his office.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Chief Bogo!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now!
:'''Clawhauser''': Wait, is that Gazelle?
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' I'm Gazelle, and you are one hot dancer.
:'''Clawhauser''': You have the app, too? ''[squeals]'' Ohhh... Chief!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed; changing the subject]'' Clawhauser, can't you see I'm working on the missing mammal cases?
:'''Clawhuaser''': ''Oh,'' oh, oh, yes, of course. About that, sir, Officer Hopps just called. She found all of 'em!
:''[Chief Bogo gives a stunned look.]''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' Wow! I'm impressed.
:''[Later that night, the ZPD arrests Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger at the asylum.]''
:'''Judy''': Mayor Lionheart, you have the right to remain silent. Anything--
:'''Lionheart''': You don't understand! I was trying to protect the city!
:'''Judy''': You were just trying to protect your job.
:'''Lionheart''': No, listen! We still don't know why this is happening. It could destroy Zootopia.
:'''Judy''': [[w:Miranda warning|You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. (You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?)]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy has just finished speaking at a press conference and has inadvertently triggered Nick's [[w:Post-traumatic stress disorder|PTSD]].]''
:'''Judy''': Was I okay?
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, you did fine.
:'''Judy''': ''[relieved, to Nick]'' Oh, that went so fast, I didn't get a chance to mention you, or say anything about how we--
:'''Nick''': ''[darkly]'' Oh, I think you said plenty.
:'''Judy''': What do you mean?
:'''Nick''': &quot;Clearly there's a biological component&quot;? &quot;These predators may be reverting back to their primitive, savage ways&quot;? Are you serious?
:'''Judy''': I just stated the facts of the case. I mean, it's not like a bunny could go savage.
:'''Nick''': Right. But a fox could, huh?
:'''Judy''': Nick, stop it. You're not like them.
:'''Nick''': ''[angrily]'' Oh, there's a ''&quot;them&quot;'' now?
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed sigh]'' You know what I mean. You're not that kind of predator.
:'''Nick''': The kind that needs to be muzzled? (The kind you thought you have to manipulate or trick into helping you crack a case?) The kind that makes you think you need to carry around fox repellent? Yeah, don't think I didn't notice ''that'' little item the first time we met. So, l-let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of me? ''[Judy stares at Nick in disbelief, her nose slightly twitching in fear.]'' Do you think I might go nuts? You think I might go ''savage?'' You think I might try to... ''[jumps forward]'' '''''EAT YOU?!''''' ''[Judy gasps, instinctively jumps back and puts her hand over the fox repellent.]'' I knew it. ''[scoffs]'' Just when I thought somebody actually believed in me, huh? (You still think I'm a shifty, low life, worse, a savage.) ''[gives Judy back the application she gave him for the ZPD and leaves]'' Probably best if you don't have a predator as a partner.
:''[Judy looks at the application that is completely filled out, looks up, sees an offended Nick storming off, tearing off his badge sticker, and throwing it down on the ground. She becomes shocked.]''
:'''Judy''': No, Nick! Nick! ''[tries to follow Nick, but is blocked by the reporters]''
:'''Beaver reporter''': Officer Hopps, were you just threatened by that predator?
:'''Judy''': No, he’s my friend.
:'''Rabbit reporter''': We can't even trust our own friends?
:'''Judy''': That is not what I said. Please--!
:'''Beaver reporter''': Are we safe?
:'''Rabbit reporter''': Have any other foxes gone savage?
:''[The microphones are shoved closer to Judy, as questions are buzzed all around her, and she is taken by surprise as she loses Nick.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': More bad news in the city gripped by fear. A caribou is in critical condition, the victim of mauling by a savage polar bear. This, the 27th such attack, comes just one week after ZPD officer Judy Hopps connected the violence to traditionally predatory animals.
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Meanwhile, a peace rally organized by pop star Gazelle was marred by protest. ''[Gazelle is seen in front of a protest peace rally. Judy is seen between a frantic pig and a female leopard, trying to break up the argument.]''
:'''Frantic pig''': ''[with hostility]'' Go back to the forest, predator!
:'''Female leopard''': ''[holding up a sign; offended]'' I'm from the savannah!
:'''Gazelle''': ''[interviewed]'' Zootopia is a unique place. It's a crazy, beautiful diverse city where we celebrate our differences. ''[looks behind herself for a moment and gestures]'' This is not the Zootopia I know. ''[Judy is still standing between the frantic pig and the female leopard.]'' The Zootopia I know is better than this. We don't just blindly assign blame. ''[On a train, Judy sees a tiger sitting next to a bunny mother and child, playing on his phone placidly. The mother pulls the child close to her. The tiger's eyebrows narrow slightly. Judy looks on in shame.]'' We don't know why these attacks keep happening, but it is irresponsible to label all predators as savages.  ''[In the asylum, Mrs. Otterton sees her husband in his savage state, tethered to a pole in the middle of the room, snarling and pacing. Judy walks up to her and puts her hand on her shoulder.]''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[sadly]'' That's not my Emmitt. ''[Judy sadly looks at her; looks down and closes her eyes]''
:'''Gazelle''': We cannot let fear divide us. Please, give me back the Zootopia I love.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Come on, Hopps. The new mayor wants to see us. 
:'''Judy''': The mayor? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': It would seem you've arrived.
:'''Judy''': ''[follows Bogo, and sees Clawhauser packing his stuff because he was demoted]'' Clawhauser? What are you doing?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[sadly]'' Um, they thought it would be better if a predator, such as myself, wasn't the first face that you see when you walk into the ZPD.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Clawhauser''': They're gonna move me to records. It's downstairs. It's by the boiler. ''[Clawhauser sadly walks off, Judy looks at him, upset and guilty. Bogo calls to her by the door.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Hopps!
:''[The scene changes to Bellwether’s office, where Judy is holding a ZPD poster displaying her smiling face. She puts it down and looks at Bellwether.]''
:'''Judy''': Um, I don't understand.
:'''Bellwether''': Our city is 90% prey, Judy, and right now, they're just really scared. You're a hero to them. They trust you. And so that's why Chief Bogo and I want you to be the public face of the ZPD. 
:'''Judy''': ''[looks at the cover and gives thought]'' I'm...not-- I'm not a hero. I came here to make the world a better place, but I think I broke it.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Don't give yourself so much credit, Hopps. The world has always been broken. That's why we need good cops. Like you.
:'''Judy''': With all due respect, sir, a good cop is supposed to serve and protect—help the city, not tear it apart. I don't deserve this badge. ''[takes off her badge]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[shocked]'' Hopps.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[also shocked]'' Judy, you've worked so hard to get here. It's what you wanted since you were a kid. You can't quit.
:'''Judy:''' ''[puts her badge on the desk]'' Thank you for the opportunity. ''[walks out of Bellwether's office, downcast]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy, now a carrot farmer, sees an adult Gideon Grey getting out of his pie truck.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that... Gideon Grey?
:'''Stu''': Yep! It sure is. We work with him now.
:'''Bonnie''': He's our partner, and we never would have considered it had you not opened our minds.
:'''Stu''': That's right, I mean Gid's turned into one of the top pastry chefs in the Tri-Burrows.
:'''Judy''': ''[amazed]'' That's-- That's really cool, you guys. ''[Gideon takes out pastries but looks up when he hears Judy.]'' Gideon Grey. I'll be darned.
:'''Gideon''': ''[sincerely]'' Hey, Judy. I would just like to say, I-I'm sorry for the way I behaved in my youth. I-I-I had a lot of self-doubt, and it manifested itself in the form of unchecked rage and aggression. I was a ''major jerk.''
:'''Judy''': Well, I know a thing or two about being a jerk. ''[smiles; Gideon takes out a tray of pies from his truck.]''
:'''Gideon''': ''[smiles]'' Anyhow, I-I brought y'all these pies.
:''[Judy, her parents, and Gideon watch some bunny kids running through a nearby field towards some flowers.]''
:'''Stu''': Hey, kids, don't you run through the ''Midnicampum holicithias!''
:'''Bunny kid''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[he and the others stop running and move away from the flowers]''
:'''Gideon''': Well, now, ''there's'' a $4-word, Mr. H. My family always just called them &quot;Night Howlers&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I'm sor-- What did you say?
:'''Stu''': Oh, Gid's talking about those flowers, Judy. I use them to keep bugs off the produce. But I don't like the little ones going near 'em on account of your Uncle Terry.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, Terry ate one whole when we were kids and went completely nuts.
:'''Stu''': He bit the dickens out of your mother.
:'''Judy''': ''[putting the pieces together]'' A bunny ''can'' go savage.
:'''Bonnie''': Savage? Well, that's a strong word. But it did hurt like the devil.
:'''Stu''': Well, sure it did. There's a sizable divot in your arm. I'd call that savage.
:'''Judy''': ''[realizing the truth]'' Night Howlers aren't wolves. They’re flowers. The flowers are making the predators go savage. ''[gasps]'' That's it! That's what I've been missing! ''[races away towards Stu’s truck, then turns back]'' Oh! Keys! Keys, keys, keys! Hurry! Come on! ''[Stu tosses Judy the keys to his truck.]'' Thank you! I love you, bye! ''[gets in the truck, starts it up and races back towards Zootopia]''
:'''Stu''': You catch any of that, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Not one bit.
:'''Gideon''': Oh, that makes me feel a little bit better, I-I thought she was talking in tongues or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has found Nick lounging near a bridge, and tries to reconcile with him.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, Nick! Night Howlers aren't wolves. They're toxic flowers. I think someone is targeting predators on purpose and making them go savage.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically and still upset with Judy]'' Wow. ''[gets up]'' Isn't that interesting? ''[walks under the bridge, while Judy follows him]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, listen! I-I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't forgive me either. ''[Nick stops walking but doesn't look at Judy.]'' I was ignorant, and irresponsible, and small-minded. But predators shouldn't suffer because of my mistakes. I have to fix this. But I can't do it without you. ''[Nick still refuses to look at her.]'' And-- And after we're done, you can hate me. And tha-- ''[voice breaking]'' And that'll be fine, because I was a horrible friend, and I hurt you. ''[sobbing]'' And you-- And you can walk away knowing that you were right all along: I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
:''[Everything is silent, except for Judy's quiet crying. Then, a recorded voice is heard; through the carrot pen]''
:'''Judy's Voice''': &quot;I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot; ''[Judy tearfully and incredulously looks at Nick. Nick holds up the carrot pen and replays Judy's words.]'' I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot;.
:'''Nick''': ''[stops recording, turns around and smiles]'' Don't worry, Carrots. I'll let you erase it...in 48 hours. ''[Judy tears up with joy, wipes away her tears and, emotionally exhausted, walks towards Nick.]'' All right, get in here. ''[Judy walks closer and leans her face on Nick's torso, still sobbing; Nick embraces her.]'' Okay. Oh, you bunnies. You're so emotional. There we go, deep breath. Are you just trying to steal the pen? Is that what this is? ''[Judy giggles and tries to grab the pen.]'' You ''are'' standing on my tail, though. Off, off-off-off.
:'''Judy''': Oh! I'm sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke Weaselton is selling bootleg movies to citizens.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[to a pedestrian]'' Well, hello. Step right up. Anything you need, I got it. All your favorite movies! I got movies that haven't even been released yet! ''[the pedestrian rightfully refuses]'' Hey, 15% off! 20! Make me an offer! Come on!
:'''Nick''': ''[shows up with Judy]'' Well, well, look who it is. The Duke of Bootleg.
:'''Weaselton''': What's it to you, Wilde? Shouldn't you be melting down a pawpsicle or something? ''[notices and recognizes Judy; smugly]'' Hey, if it isn't Flopsy the Copsy.
:'''Judy''': We both know those weren't moldy onions I caught you stealing. ''[sternly]'' What were you gonna do with those Night Howlers, Wesselton?
:'''Weaselton''': [[w:Frozen (2013 film)|It's Weaselton. Duke Weaselton]]. And I ain't talkin', rabbit. And there's nothin' you can do to make me.
:''[Judy and Nick give each other a look, as if to say, &quot;Desperate times call for desperate measures.&quot;, and the scene changes to Mr. Big's office.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Ice him.
:''[One polar bear dangles Duke over the ice pit.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[screams; to Nick]'' You dirty rat! Why are you helpin' her? She's a cop!
:'''Mr. Big''': And the godmother to my future granddaughter.
:'''Fru-Fru''': ''[pregnant]'' I'm gonna name her Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[sweetly]'' Ohh!
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[chuckles; becomes serious again]'' Ice this weasel.
:'''Weaselton''': ''[yelps]'' Alright, alright, please! I'll talk! I'll talk! I stole them Night Howlers so I could sell 'em. They offered me what I couldn't refuse: Money.
:'''Judy''': And to whom did you sell them?
:'''Weaselton''': A ram named Doug. We got a drop spot underground. Just watch it. Doug is the opposite of friendly. He's '''''un'''friendly.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After their subway car crashes and burns, Judy and Nick enter the Natural History Museum as a shortcut to the ZPD, with the case with the dart gun and the serum pellet inside as evidence. Suddenly, they stop because Bellwether is arriving with two sheep officials.]''
:'''Bellwether''': Judy! Judy!
:'''Judy''': Mayor Bellwether! We found out what's happening. Someone's darting predators with a serum. That's what's making them go savage.
:'''Bellwether''': I'm so proud of you, Judy. You did just a super job.
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am. ''[starts to hand Bellwether the case, but suddenly, she takes it away in surprised suspicion]'' How did you know where to find us?
:'''Bellwether''': I'll go ahead, and I'll take that case now.
:'''Judy''': ''[uneasily]'' Uh, you know what? I think Nick and I will just take this to the ZPD.
:''[The duo are about to leave, but a giant ram blocks their way.]''
:'''Judy and Nick''': Run. 
:'''Bellwether''': ''[to her henchmen]'' Get them. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick have been thrown into a circular bird’s eye view exhibit by one of Bellwether's henchmen; the case was knocked out of their hands.]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs evilly, to Judy]'' Well, you should have just stayed at the carrot farm, huh? It really is too bad, I-I did like you.
:'''Judy''': What are you gonna do? '''''Kill''' me?!''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' No, of course not. ''[aims the dart gun at Nick, deviously]'' ''He'' is. ''[shoots Nick with the serum pellet; he falls to the floor, writhing]''
:'''Judy''': '''''No!''''' Oh, Nick!
:'''Bellwether''': ''[talks to the ZPD via cellphone, fake-panicked]'' Yes, police! There's a savage fox in the Natural History Museum! Officer Hopps is down! Please hurry!
:'''Judy''': No, Nick. Don't do this. Fight it.
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, but he can't help it, can he? Since preds are just biologically predisposed to be savages. ''[Nick appears to turn feral and attacks Judy. She tries to run away and defend herself by throwing a stuffed fawn at him. Judy then cowers by the wall.]'' Gosh. Think of the headline: &quot;Hero cop killed by savage fox&quot;. ''[Nick rips the fawn to pieces with his teeth.]''
:'''Judy''': So that's it? Prey fears predator and you stay in power?
:'''Bellwether''': Yeah. Pretty much.
:'''Judy''': It won't work!
:'''Bellwether''': Fear ''always'' works. And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.
:'''Judy''': ''[as Nick closes in on her, growling]'' Oh, Nick. No.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[chuckles evilly]'' Bye-bye, bunny.
:''[Nick locks his jaws on Judy's neck. Judy shrieks loudly. However, after a short pause, Nick releases her and smiles.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sticks out her tongue; theatrically]'' Bleh! Blood, blood, blood! And death.
:'''Nick''': ''[amused]'' All right, you know, you’re milking it. Besides, I think we got it. ''[to Bellwether]'' I think we got it. We got it up there, thank you, Yakety-Yak. You laid it all out beautifully.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[shocked and confused]'' What? 
:'''Nick''': Yeah, oh, are, are you looking for the serum? ''[pulls out the serum pellet from his pocket]'' Well, it's right here.
:'''Judy''': What you got in the weapon there? Those are blueberries. ''[Bellwether opens the pistol to find that it's loaded with blueberries.]'' From my family's farm.
:'''Nick''': ''[blows a kiss]'' There are delicious. You should try some.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[angrily grunts and closes the pistol]'' I framed Lionheart, I can frame you, too. It's my word against yours.
:'''Judy''': Ooh. Actually… ''[rewinds her recording pen]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[on the recording]'' &quot;And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.&quot;
:'''Judy''': It's ''your'' word against yours.
:'''Bellwether''': Huh?
:'''Judy''': It's called a hustle, sweetheart. Boom.
:''[Looking nervously, Bellwether tries to escape. However, she finds herself surrounded by Chief Bogo and the other Zootopia Police Department officers.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': Former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is behind bars today, guilty of masterminding the savage attacks that have plagued Zootopia of late. ''[showing Bellwether in an orange jumpsuit, in handcuffs, filled with contempt, as two Officers, Jackson and Krumpanski escort her through the crowd as photographers take pictures.]''
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Her predecessor, Leodore Lionheart, denies any knowledge of her plot, claiming he was just trying to protect the city.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[being interviewed by a porcupine, Quilda]'' Did I falsely imprison those animals? Well, yes. Yes, I did. It was a classic &quot;doing the wrong thing for the right reason&quot; kind of a deal.
:'''Fabienne Growley''': In related news, doctors say the Night howler antidote is proving effective in rehabilitating the afflicted predators.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Judy''': When I was a kid, I thought Zootopia was this perfect place, where everyone got along, and anyone could be anything. Turns out, real life is a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations, we all make mistakes, which means - hey, glass half full! - We all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what type of animal you are, from the biggest elephant to our first fox, I implore you - try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with all of us.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': All right, all right, enough. '''''Shut it!''''' ''[The officers sit down.]'' We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. ''[Nick is seen sitting next to Judy on the same chair she's standing on.]'' Who cares?
:'''Nick''': Heh. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Shut your mouth, Wilde! ''[Judy and the officers snicker, and Bogo takes out his glasses and the files.]'' Assignments: Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer, Delgato; Tundratown SWAT. ''[The officers stand up and leave.]'' Snarlov, Higgins, Wolfard; undercover. ''[Snarlov puts on a green cap, Higgins puts on a fake mustache, and Wolfard puts on a sheep costume, and they leave.]'' Hopps, Wilde... parking duty. Dismissed. ''[Judy and Nick look shocked, as if saying &quot;What?!&quot;. Then Bogo smiles.]'' Just kidding. ''[becomes serious again]'' We have reports of a street racer tearing up Savannah Central. Find him, shut him down.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are on their first patrol as a team.]''
:'''Nick''': So, are all rabbits bad drivers, or is it just you? 
:''[Judy playfully slams on the brakes, making Nick lurch forward.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[slyly]'' Oops. Sorry.
:'''Nick''': ''[pulls off a pawpsicle that got stuck to his face from the impact; chuckles]'' Sly bunny.
:'''Judy''': Dumb fox!
:'''Nick''': You know you love me.
:'''Judy''': Do I know that? ''[smiles warmly]'' Yes. Yes, I do.
:''[The light changes to green, and before they can move, a red car with tinted windows zooms past them. Nick and Judy take notice and smirk at each other. Nick puts on his shades and turns on the siren. Judy hits the pedal, and they chase after the car. They manage to pull over the speeding motorist and walk up to the car.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, you were going 115 miles per hour. I hope you have a good explanation.
:''[The window rolls down, revealing Flash the sloth.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[surprised]'' Well, well! Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!
:'''Flash''': ''[slowly smiles, sheepishly]'' Nick!

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the urban jungle
* That's pretty foxy. (German teaser poster)
* The queen of investigation (French Judy poster)
* The king of scams (French Nick poster)

==Cast==
*'''[[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]''' — Judy Hopps
** '''Kallan Holley''' (young)
*'''[[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]''' — Nick Wilde
** '''{{w|Kath Soucie}}''' (young)
*'''[[Idris Elba]]''' — Chief Bogo
*'''[[w:Jenny Slate|Jenny Slate]]''' — Dawn Bellwether
*'''[[w:Nate Torrence|Nate Torrence]]''' — Benjamin Clawhauser
*'''[[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]]''' — Bonnie Hopps
*'''[[w:Don Lake|Don Lake]]''' — Stu Hopps
*'''[[w:Tommy Chong|Tommy Chong]]''' — Yax
*'''[[w:J. K. Simmons|J.K. Simmons]]''' — Mayor Lionheart
*'''[[w:Octavia Spencer|Octavia Spencer]]''' — Mrs. Otterton
*'''[[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]]''' — Duke Weaselton
*'''[[Shakira]]''' — Gazelle
*'''[[w:Tom Lister Jr.|Tom Lister Jr.]]''' — Finnick
*'''[[w:Raymond S. Persi|Raymond S. Persi]]''' — Flash Slothmore

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Films about sheep]]
[[Category:Films about otters]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rich Moore]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]</text>
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      <text bytes="67439" sha1="iqssep3ay0i4tki2dkuzs9aveuvsaut" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Shanghai Zootopia Hot Pursuit.jpg|thumb|The Magic Box.]]
'''''[[w:Zootopia|Zootopia]]''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis''''' in some European countries) is a 2016 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 55th Disney animated feature film. Set in a modern world of talking anthropomorphic animals, that follows a rabbit named Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) with big dreams to be a cop, who deals with a con artist fox named Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) to uncover a conspiracy. 
:''Directed by [[w:Byron Howard|Byron Howard]] and [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]], co-directed by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush, [[w:Jim Reardon|Jim Reardon]], Josie Trinidad, [[w:Phil Johnston|Phil Johnston]], and [[w:Jennifer Lee (filmmaker)|Jennifer Lee]]. Screenplay by Jared Bush and Phil Johnston.''
{{center|'''Welcome to the urban jungle.'''&lt;small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Judy Hopps==
* [As a 9-year-old] Well, he was right about one thing: I ''don't'' know when to quit.
* It's your word against yours.
* I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart. Boom.

==Nick Wilde==
* Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles!
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart.
* All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. Sly fox, dumb bunny. ''['''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny.]'' Right. ''[points down to a cement]'' And that's not wet cement.
* Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!

==Flash Slothmore==

==Gazelle==
* I’m Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia.
* ''[In Dancing With Gazelle app]'' Wow, you are one hot dancer, (user's name)!
* ''[sings]'' I won't give up;/I won't give in,/'til I reach the end;/then I'll start again!/No I won't leave;/I wanna try ev'rything;/I wanna try, even though I could fail.

==Dialogue==
:''[After the Carrot Days Festival Talent Show, Young Judy was walking along her parents, Stu and Bonnie Hopps, holding hands]''
:'''Stu''': Judy, you ever wonder how your mom and me got to be so darn happy?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[enthusiastic]'' Nope!
:'''Stu''': Well, we gave up on our dreams, and we settled, right, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, yes, that's right, Stu. We settled hard.
:'''Stu''': See? That's the beauty of complacency, Jude. If you don't try anything new, you'll never fail!
:'''Young Judy''': I like trying, actually. ''[jumps on a line of hay and skips]''
:'''Bonnie''': What your father means, hun, is that it's gonna be difficult, impossible even, for you to become a police officer.
:'''Stu''': Right! There's never been a bunny cop.
:'''Bonnie''': No.
:'''Stu''': Bunnies don't do that.
:'''Bonnie''': Never!
:'''Stu''': Never.
:'''Young Judy''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh... ''[enthusiasm picks up again]'' Then I guess I'll have to be the first one! Because I ''[runs to a stand, flips off of it, and lands, striking a pose]'' am gonna make the world a better place!
:'''Stu''': ''[laughs nervously]'' Or, uh, heck, you know, if you wanna talk about making the world a better place, no better way to do it than becoming a carrot farmer.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes! Your dad, me, your two-hundred seventy-five brothers and sisters, we're changing the world!
:'''Stu''': Yeah.
:'''Bonnie''': One carrot at a time!
:'''Stu''': Amen to that. Carrot farming is a noble profession.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gideon is bullying Sharla, a young lamb with her friends, trying to take her tickets.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': Give me your tickets right now, or I'm gonna kick your meek little sheep butt! ''[shoves Sharla]''
:'''Sharla''': Ow! Cut it out, Gideon!
:'''Young Gideon''': Baa-baa! ''[takes the tickets]'' What are you gonna do, cry?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[out of nowhere]'' Hey! You heard her. Cut it out.
:'''Young Gideon''': Nice costume, loser. What crazy world are you living in where you think a bunny could be a cop? 
:'''Young Judy''': ''[unfazed]'' Kindly return my friend's tickets.
:'''Young Gideon''': Come get 'em. But watch out, 'cause I'm a fox, and like you said in your dumb little stage play, us predators used to ''eat'' prey, and that killer instinct is still in our &quot;dunnah&quot;.
:'''Travis''': Uh, I'm pretty much sure it's pronounced &quot;DNA&quot;.
:'''Young Gideon''': ''[shoving Travis]'' Don't tell me what I know, Travis!
:'''Young Judy''': You don't scare me, Gideon.  ''[Gideon shoves Judy onto the ground, knocking her police hat off her head.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': You scared now?
:'''Travis''': Look at her nose twitch! She ''is'' scared!
:'''Young Gideon''': Cry, little baby bunny. Cry-- ''[Judy kicks him in the face, shocking everyone; feels his lips]'' Aw, you don't know when to quit, do you? ''[retracts his claws and slashes Judy's cheek, offscreen, as she screams, leaving claw marks on her cheek; shoves her face in the dirt]'' I want you to remember this moment, the next time you think you'll ''ever'' be anything more than just a stupid carrot-farming dumb bunny! ''[leaves with Travis and they high-five each other, not realizing Judy sneakily took back the tickets. The children rush to Judy.]''
:'''Gareth''': That looks bad.
:'''Sharla''': Are you okay, Judy?
:'''Young Judy''': Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. ''[holds out the tickets]'' Here you go.
:'''Sharla''': Wow! You got our tickets back!
:'''Gareth''': You're awesome, Judy!
:'''Sharla''': Yeah, that Gideon Grey doesn't know what he's talking about!
:'''Young Judy''': Well, he was right about one thing: ''[puts her police hat back on, as determination spreads across her face]'' I ''don't'' know when to quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy is with her parents and her other relatives at the train station as she gets ready for the train to Zootopia.]''
:'''Bonnie''': We're real proud of you, Judy.
:'''Stu''': Yeah. And scared, too.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes.
:'''Stu''': Really, it's a kind of a &quot;proud-scared&quot; combo. I mean Zootopia! It's so far away. Such a big city.
:'''Judy''': Guys, I've been working for this my whole life.
:'''Bonnie''': We know, and we're just a little excited for you, but terrified.
:'''Judy''': The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
:'''Stu''': And also, bears. We have bears to fear, too. To say nothing about lions, and wolves--
:'''Bonnie''': Wolves?
:'''Stu''': Weasels.
:'''Bonnie''': You play Cribbage with a weasel?
:'''Stu''': Yeah, and he cheats like there's no tomorrow. You know what? Pretty much all predators, and Zootopia's full of them.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, Stu.
:'''Stu''': And foxes are the worst.
:'''Bonnie''': Actually, your father does have a point there. It's in their biology. Remember what happened with Gideon Grey?
:'''Judy''': When I was 9, Gideon Grey was a jerk who happened to be a fox. I know plenty of bunnies who are jerks.
:'''Stu''': Yeah, but just in case, we made you a little care package to take with you
:'''Bonnie''': And I put some snacks in there.
:'''Stu''': This is fox deterrent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, I know.
:'''Stu''': This is fox repellent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, the deterrent and the repellent--
:'''Stu''': ''[shows Judy a fox taser]'' And check this out! ''[The fox taser unleashes a powerful zap, surprising him.]''
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, for goodness sake, she has no need for a fox taser, Stu.
:'''Stu''': Oh, come on, when is there not a need for a fox taser?
:'''Judy''': Okay, look, I will take this ''[shows her parents the fox repellent]'' to make you stop talking.
:'''Stu''': Terrific! Everyone wins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy meets two of her neighbors at her new apartment.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hi, I'm Judy, your new neighbor.
:'''Bucky''': Yeah? Well, we're loud.
:'''Pronk''': Don’t expect us to apologize for it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the Zootopia Police Department, Officer Fangmeyer, a tiger, takes in a wolf with a muzzle.]''
:'''Muzzled wolf''': Come on! He bared his teeth first!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[behind the radio dispatcher's desk, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps Cereal.]'' Mm-mm-mmm! ''[Judy walks up to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': Excuse me!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[looking around in surprise]'' Hm?
:'''Judy''': Down here! ''[Clawhauser looks out from his desk and sees Judy]'' Hi!
:'''Clawhauser''': O.M. Goodness. ''[puts down his bowl of cereal, clearly surprised and excited]'' They really did hire a bunny. ''[Laughs]'' What?! Heh, I gotta tell you, you are even cuter than I thought you'd be!
:'''Judy''': Ooh, uh, you probably didn't know, but a bunny can call another bunny cute, but when other animals do it, it's a little...
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[Gasps]'' I am so sorry! ''[pointing to himself]'' Me, Benjamin Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks is just a flabby, donut-loving cop stereotyping you. Aw...
:'''Judy''': ''[giggles]'' That's okay. ''[notices a donut stuck under Clawhauser's neck fold]'' Oh, you've actually - you've actually got... There's a...
:'''Clawhauser''': Um... A what?
:'''Judy''': In your neck, the fold... The - the, there's...
:'''Clawhauser''': Where? ''[Pulls the donut out of his neck fat]'' Oh, there you went, you little dickens! ''[eats the donut whole.]'' Nom!
:'''Judy''': ''[laughs nervously]'' I should get to roll call, so which way do I-
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[points]'' Oh, bull pen's over there to the left.
:'''Judy''': Great. Thank you! ''[Judy walks off to the bull pen as the other officers stare at her in astonishment.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Aww! That poor little bunny's gonna get eaten alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': First... we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. ''[turns to an elephant officer]'' Francine. ''[they look at Francine in mild suspense]'' Happy birthday.
:''[The suspense turns into excitement; officers around Francine get involved in a tussle]''
:'''Office Francine:''' Heh, oh yeah? ''[gives Officer Jackson a noogie]''
:'''Judy''': ''[applauds and is later surprised]'' Oh, oh...

&lt;hr with=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As exiting from the ice cream parlor after Judy gave Nick and Finnick, who disguise as a toddler in an elephant costume.]''
:'''Nick''': Officer, I can't thank you enough. So kind, really. Can I pay you back?
:'''Judy''': Oh no, my treat. It just - you know, it burns me up to see folks with such backward attitudes toward foxes. I just wanna say that you're a great dad and just a... A real articulate fella.
:'''Nick''': Well, that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing. Officer...
:'''Judy''': Hopps. Mr...
:'''Nick''': Wilde. Nick Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick shake paws]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Finnick]'' And you, little guy, you want to be an elephant when you grow up? You be an elephant. Because this is Zootopia. ''[places a Zootopia Police sticker on Finnick]'' Anyone can be anything. ''[Finnick toots]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy spotted Nick and found out what he’s doing with the jumbo-pop, Nick explains that she’ll never be a cop.]''
:'''Nick''': All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. ''[points to himself]'' Sly fox, [points to Judy] dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny. ''[She sinks a bit and there is a soft squelch as she sinks to her knees]''
:'''Nick''': Right. ''[points down]'' And that's not wet cement. ''[Judy is seen up to her knees in cement; Three construction beavers take notice and glare at her. Nick walks off as Judy struggles to break loose]'' You'll never be a real cop. You’re a cute meter maid, though. Maybe a supervisor one day. Hang in there! ''[Nick turns a corner, leaving Judy upset.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy returns to her apartment with her feet covered in cement powder. She enters her room, puts her stuff on her desk, and cycles sadly through songs on the radio; &quot;Everybody Hurts&quot; by R.E.M., &quot;All by Myself&quot; by Eric Carmen, &quot;Can't Do Nuthin' Right&quot; by Madisen Ward, and &quot;I, Loser&quot; by Winston Marshall.]''
:''[Throughout the music, Judy puts a container of Carrots for One in the microwave and watches it with a lachrymose look on her face. When it's finished, she takes it out, opens it, only to find only one dried carrot. Judy groans and lets it fall into the trash. Then her phone rings. Judy picks it up and sees her parents calling. Judy groans, puts on a forced smile, and answers her phone.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hey! It's my parents!
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, there she is. Hi, sweetheart.
:'''Stu''': Hey there, Jude the Dude. How was your first day on the force?
:'''Judy''': It was real great.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah? Everything you ever hoped?
:'''Judy''': Mm-hmm. Absolutely, and more. Everyone's so nice, and I feel like I'm really making a difference.
:'''Stu''': ''[looks closely on the screen]'' Whoa, wait a second. Holy cripes, Bonnie, look at that.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, my sweet heavens! ''[hopefully]'' Judy, are you a meter maid?
:'''Judy''': Oh, this? No! Oh, no, no! This is just a temporary thing.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, it's the safest job in the force.
:'''Stu''': Oh, she's not a real cop. Our prayers have been answered!
:'''Bonnie''': Glorious day!
:'''Stu''': Oh, meter maid! Meter maid! Meter maid! ''Meter maid!''
:'''Judy''': Dad. ''Dad! '''Dad!''''' ''[changes the subject]'' You know what, it's been a really long day. I should--
:'''Bonnie''': That's right, you get some rest.
:'''Stu''': Those meters aren't gonna maid themselves.
:'''Bonnie''': Bye-bye. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Buh-bye. ''[puts her phone on the table]'' 
:'''Pronk''': Hey, bunny, turn down that depressing music!
:''[Judy turns off the radio.]''
:'''Bucky''': Leave the meter maid alone! Didn't you hear her conversation? She feels like a failure!
:'''Pronk''': Oh, shut up!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!
:'''Pronk''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Judy''': ''[groans; to herself]'' Tomorrow's another day.
:'''Pronk''': ''[apparently hearing Judy]'' Yeah, but it might be worse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, Judy is on meter duty again. A parking meter goes off, and she puts a ticket on a car. A moose is angry.]''
:'''Moose''': ''[grunts angrily]'' I was '''30 SECONDS OVER!'''
:''[Another parking meter expires, and Judy puts a ticket on a tiny car.]''
:'''Mouse''': Ugh! ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, you're a &quot;real hero&quot;, lady.  ''[Another parking meter goes off and Judy puts another ticket on another car.]''
:'''Hippo kid''': ''[innocently]'' My mommy says she wishes you were dead.
:'''Offscreen angry driver''': Uncool, rabbit. My tax dollars pay your salary.   ''[Irritated, Judy goes inside her car and slowly taps her head on the steering wheel.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to herself]'' I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy capured Duke Weaselton; At the ZPD, Clawhauser is talking to Mrs. Otterton.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay. You're gonna have to be patient and wait in line just like everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay?
:'''Judy''': ''[after capturing Duke Weaselton]'' I popped the weasel!
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Hopps!''' [on the second-floor balcony; points to his office]
:'''Officer''': ''[whispers; off-screen]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Abandoning your post, inciting a scurry, reckless endangerment of rodents! But to be fair, you did stop a master criminal from stealing two dozen moldy onions. ''[shows the bag, revealing plant bulbs]''
:'''Judy''': Mmm, hate to disagree with you, sir, but those aren't onions. Those are a crocus varietal called ''Midnicampum holicithias''. They're a Class C botanical, sir. Well, I grew up in a family where plant husbandry was kind of a thing.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut your tiny mouth now! ''[puts the bag away]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I got the bad guy. That's my job.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Your job is ''putting tickets on parked cars!'' ''[his intercom beeps]''
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[through the intercom]'' Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton is here to see you again.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now.
:'''Clawhauser''': OK, I just didn't know if you'd want to take this time. She seems really upset.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Not now!'''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I don't wanna be a meter maid, I wanna be a real cop.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Do you think the mayor asked what ''I'' ''wanted'' when he assigned you to me?
:'''Judy''': But, sir, if--
:'''Chief Bogo''': Life isn't some cartoon musical where you ''sing a little song,'' and your insipid dreams '''''magically come true!''''' So, ''[[w:Let It Go (Disney song)|let it go]].''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[comes into Bogo's office]'' Chief Bogo, please. 5 minutes of your time, please.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[out of breath]'' I'm sorry, sir. I tried to stop her. She's super slippery. I gotta go sit down.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, as I've told you, we're doing everything we can.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': My husband has been missing for 10 days. His name is Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Yes, I know.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': He's a florist. We have two beautiful children. He would never just disappear.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, our detectives are very busy.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[desperate]'' Please. There's gotta be somebody to find my Emmitt.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Mrs. Otterton--
:'''Judy''': I will find him.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[elated]'' Oh, thank you! ''[runs up to Judy and hugs her]'' Bless you! Bless you, little bunny! ''[Bogo growls in annoyance.]'' Take this. Find my Emmitt. Bring him home to me and my babies, please. ''[hands a photo of her family to Judy]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ahem! Mrs. Otterton, will you please wait out here?
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': Of course. Oh, thank you both so much. ''[leaves the office]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': One second. ''[closes the door; sternly to Judy]'' You're fired.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': Insubordination! Now, I'm going to open this door, and you're going to tell that otter that you're a former meter maid with delusions of grandeur who will ''not be taking the case.'' ''[opens the door to see Mrs. Otterton with Bellwether]''
:'''Bellwether''': I just heard Officer Hopps is taking the case.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[surprised]'' Assistant Mayor Bellwether.
:'''Bellwether''': The Mammal Inclusion Initiative is really startin' to pay off. ''[chuckles]'' Mayor Lionheart is just gonna be so jazzed!
:'''Chief Bogo''': No, no, let's not tell the mayor just yet.
:'''Bellwether''': And I've sent it, and it is done, so I did do that. ''[Bogo facepalms in annoyance.]'' Alright, well, I'd say the case is in good hands. Us little guys really need to... stick together, right?
:'''Judy''': Like glue.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' Good one. Just call me if you ever need anything, okay? You've always got a friend at City Hall, Judy. Alright, bye-bye. ''[she and Mrs. Otterton leaves]''
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[closes the door and sighs; reluctantly]'' I will give you 48 hours.
:'''Judy''': ''[excited]'' '''''YES!'''''
:'''Chief Bogo''': That’s ''two days'' to find Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Judy''': Okay.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''But,''''' you strike out... ''you resign.'' (Okay?)
:'''Judy''': ''[her enthusiasm drops]'' Oh. Uh... ''[regains her composure]'' Okay. Deal.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[smirks]'' Splendid. Clawhauser will give you the complete case file.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has tracked down Nick, believing him to be a lead in her case. She drives her meter maid cart next to him, who is pushing a stroller with sleeping Finnick inside.]''
:'''Judy''': Hi! Hello? It's me again!
:'''Nick''': Hey, it's Officer Toot-Toot!
:'''Judy''': ''[chortles]'' No. Actually, it's Officer Hopps, and I'm here to ask you some questions about a case.
:'''Nick''': What happened, meter maid? Did someone steal a traffic cone? It wasn't me. ''[Annoyed, Judy rides up and pulls up in front of Nick, blaring her siren.]'' Hey, Carrots, you're gonna wake the baby. ''[refers to Finnick]'' I gotta get to work.
:'''Judy''': ''[gets out of her cart with the folder, a notepad, and a carrot pen]'' This is important, sir. I think your ''$10'' worth of pawpsicles can wait.
:'''Nick''': Heh. I make 200 bucks ''a day,'' Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12.'' And time is money. Hop along.
:'''Judy''': Please, just look at the picture. ''[shows a close-up picture of Emmitt eating a pawsicle]'' You sold Mr. Otterton that pawpsicle, right? Do you know him?
:'''Nick''': I know everybody. And I also know that somewhere, there's a toy store missin' its stuffed animal, so why don't you get back to your box?
:'''Judy''': ''[her smile drops and becomes serious]'' Fine. Then we’ll have to do this the hard way.
:''[Attaches a clamp to Nick’s stroller.]''
:'''Nick''': Did you just boot my stroller?
:'''Judy''': Nicholas Wilde, you are under arrest.
:'''Nick''': ''[scoffs]'' For what? ''[in a baby voice; mockingly]'' Hurting your feewings?
:'''Judy''': ''[smiles slyly]'' Felony tax evasion. ''[Nick's smile drops, and his eyes widen in shock as Judy writes.]'' Yeah, $200 a day, 365 days a year since you were 12. That's two decades, so times 20, which is... $1,460,000, ''I think.'' I mean, I ''am'' just a &quot;dumb bunny&quot;, but we ''are'' good at multiplying. Anyway, according to your tax forms, you reported, let me see here... '''''0!''''' ''[Nick's face freezes in shock.]'' Unfortunately, lying on a federal form is a punishable offense. Five years jail time.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's my word against yours.
:''[Judy pulls out her carrot pen and plays back Nick's confession;'' ''through the carrot pen]'' &quot;(I make) 200 bucks ''a day''. Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12&quot;.''
:'''Judy''': Actually, it's ''your'' word against yours. And if you want this pen, you're going to help me find this poor missing otter, or the only place you'll be selling pawsicles is the prison cafeteria. ''[smirks mockingly]'' It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
:''[A slight pause.]''
:'''Finnick''': She hustled you. ''[opens the stroller, laughing]'' She hustled you '''''good!''''' You a cop now, Nick! You gon' need one o' these. ''[slaps his badge sticker on Nick's shirt. Nick frowns.]'' Have fun working with the fuzz! ''[walks away, still laughing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Nick]'' Start talking.
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' I don't know where he is. I only saw where he went.
:'''Judy''': Great! Let's go! ''[gets in her cart]''
:'''Nick''': ''[smirks]'' It's not exactly a place for a... cute little bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Don't call me &quot;cute&quot;; Get in the car.
:'''Nick''': ''[smirking]'' Okay, you're the boss. ''[joins Judy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Mystic Spring Oasis.]''
:'''Yax''': ''[chanting]'' Om... Om... Om...
:'''Judy''': ''[clears throat]'' Hi. Uh, hello.
:'''Yax''': ''[loudly]'' '''''Om... Om...'''''
:'''Judy''': Hello? Hello!
:''[Yax comes out of his meditation, shaking his head, making flies buzz around his head. He removes his hair from his eyes, looks down, and sees Judy.]''
:'''Yax''': Hmm?
:'''Judy''': Hello. My name is--
:'''Yax''': Oh, you know, I'm gonna hit the pause button right there, cause we're all good on bunny scout cookies.
:'''Judy''': Uh, no. I'm Officer Hopps, ZPD. I'm looking for a missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton, right here. He may have frequented this establishment.
:'''Yax''': ''[looks at the picture of Emmitt and sneezes]'' Yeah, old Emmitt! ''[laughs]'' Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But, hey, you should talk to his [[yoga]] instructor. I'd be happy to take you back.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you so much, I'd appreciate that more than you can imagine, it'd be such an-- ''[covers her eyes]'' '''''OHHHHHH!''''' You are naked!
:'''Yax''': Huh? Oh, for sure! We're a naturalist club! ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': Yeah. In Zootopia, anyone can be anything. And these guys, they be naked.
:'''Yax''': Nangi's just on the other side of the pleasure pool. ''[Judy sees many nude animals, and she is shocked]''
:'''Nick''': Oh, boy. Does this make you uncomfortable? Because if so, there's no shame in calling quits.
:'''Judy''': Yes, there is.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Boy, that's the spirit.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, some mammals say the naturalist life is weird, but you know what I say is weird? Clothes on animals. Here we go! ''[Judy groans; the trio comes across Nangi]'' As you can see, Nangi's an elephant, so she'll totally remember everything. Hey, Nangi, these dudes have some questions about Emmitt the otter.
:'''Nangi''': Who?
:'''Yax''': Uh, Emmitt Otterton? Been coming to your yoga class for, like, 6 years?
:'''Nangi''': I have no memory of this beaver.
:'''Judy''': He's an otter, actually.
:'''Yax''': He was here a couple of Wednesdays ago, remember? 
:'''Nangi''': No.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, he was wearing a cable knit sweater vest and a new pair of corduroy slacks. Oh, and a Paisley tie, sweet Windsor knot. Real tight. Remember that, Nangi?  
:'''Nangi''': No. 
:'''Yax''': Yeah, and we both walked him out, and he got into this big old white car with a silver trim. Needed a tune-up, the third cylinder wasn't firing. Remember that, Nangi?
:'''Nangi''': ''[with her body curled into the shape of a backwards C]'' Nope.
:'''Judy''': Um, uh, you didn't happen to catch the license plate number, did you?
:'''Yax''': Oh, for sure. It was 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:''[Nick seems amazed at Nangi's flexibility and looks at Judy's notes, and briefly nods]''
:'''Judy''': ''[writing it down]'' (2-9-T-H-D-)0-3. Wow, this is a lot of great info, thank you.
:'''Yax''': Told you Nangi has a mind like a steel trap. Ah, I wish I had a memory like an elephant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick arrive at the Department of Motor Vehicles to look up the license plate number; Judy is shocked to see that the DMV is run by sloths.]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, they're all ''sloths?!'' ''[seeing all the sloths works so slowly]'' You said this was gonna be quick!
:'''Nick''': Are you saying that because he's a sloth he can't be fast? I thought in Zootopia, anyone could be anything. ''[They walk up to one of the sloths.]'' Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Buddy, it's nice to see you.
:'''Flash''': Nice to... see you... too.
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, I'd love you to meet my friend. Uh, darling, I've forgotten your name.
:'''Judy''': Hmm... Ah… Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. How are you?
:'''Flash''': I am... doing... just...
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to finish Flash's sentence]'' Fine?
:'''Flash''': ...as well... as... I can... be. What...
:'''Nick''': ''[to Judy; smugly]'' Hang in there.
:'''Flash''': ...can I... do...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate--
:'''Flash''': ...for you...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could--
:'''Flash''': ...today? ''[pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate for us. We are in a really big hurry.
:'''Flash''': Sure. What's the... plate...
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T--
:'''Flash''': ...number?
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[begins typing the plate number very slowly on his computer]'' 2...9... 
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to speed up the process]'' T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...T...
:'''Judy''': H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...H...
:'''Judy''': D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[pauses; types D]'' ...D...
:'''Judy''': Mmm-hmm. 0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...0...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately]'' ''3!''
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke?
:'''Judy''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Flash''': ''[stops typing]'' Sure. ''[Judy growls in annoyance.]''
:'''Nick''': Okay, what do you call a three-humped camel?
:'''Flash''': I don't... know. What...''do...''you call...a...
:'''Judy''': ''[impatiently]'' ...three-humped...camel.
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... camel?
:'''Nick''': Pregnant. ''[laughs]''
:''[Flash stares for a few seconds and starts laughing slowly.]''
:'''Judy''': Ha-ha! Yes, very funny, very funny! Can we please just focus on the---
:'''Flash''': Hey...
:'''Judy''': Wait, wait, wait!
:'''Flash''': ...Priscilla!
:'''Judy''': Oh, no!
:'''Priscilla''': Yes... Flash?
:'''Flash''': What...
:'''Judy''': Oh!
:'''Flash''': ...do...
:'''Judy''': No!
:'''Flash''': ...you call a...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately trying to speed up the joke]'' A three-humped camel? Pregnant! Okay, great! We got it! Please, just...
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... ''[Judy growls in frustration and bangs her head on the counter. Much later, the paper prints out; slowly separates it at the perforation and hands it to Judy]'' Here...
:'''Judy''': Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry.
:'''Flash''': ...you...
:'''Judy''': ''[hastily grabs the paper]'' Thank you! 29THD03.
:'''Flash''': ...go.
:'''Judy''': It's registered to... Tundratown Limo Service! A limo took Otterton! And the limo's in Tundratown! ''[quickly runs out]'' It's in Tundratown!
:'''Nick''': ''[to Flash]'' Way to hustle, bud. I love ya. I owe ya.  ''[Judy and Nick walk out of the DMV.]''
:'''Judy''': Hurry! We gotta beat the rush hour and-- ''[looks outside, shocked]'' '''''IT'S NIGHT?!''''' ''[the scene changes to the Tundratown Limo Service; tugs on the lock on the gate]'' Closed! Great.
:'''Nick''': Mm. And I will betcha you don't have to warrant to get in, hmm? Darn it. It's a bummer. 
:'''Judy''': You wasted the day on purpose!
:'''Nick''': Madam, I have a ''fake badge''. I would never impede your pretend investigation.
:'''Judy''': It's not a pretend investigation. ''[takes out Emmitt's family picture]'' Look, see? See him? This otter is missing. 
:'''Nick''': Well, they should've gotten a real cop to find him.
:'''Judy''': ''[puts the picture away]'' What is your problem? Does seeing me fail somehow make you feel better about your own sad, miserable life?
:'''Nick''': It does, 100%. Now, since you're sans warrant, I guess we're... done? 
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. We are done. ''[reveals the carrot pen]'' Here's your pen.
:'''Nick''': ''[tries to reach the pen]'' Hey! ''[Judy throws the carrot pen over the fence]'' First off, you throw like a bunny. Second, you're a very sore loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': ''[opens the limo’s glove compartment and suddenly jumps back in alarm]'' Oh, my God!   
:'''Judy''': What? What?!
:'''Nick''': ''The Velvety Pipes of Jerry Vole!'' ''[smirks; Judy looks at him annoyed, puts a polar bear’s fur in a plastic bag.]'' But on CD. Who still uses CDs? ''[tosses the CDs back, opens the door revealing the back, gets spooked and his ears pull back]'' Carrots, if your otter was here, he had a very bad day.
:'''Judy''': ''[goes to take a look, which the back is ripped, and claw marks are shown everywhere]'' Those are... claw marks. You ever seen anything like this?
:'''Nick''': No.
:'''Judy''': Oh, wait. Look! ''[hops down and looks at Emmitt's wallet, seeing his picture]'' This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He was definitely here. What do you think happened?
:'''Nick''': ''[looks around and sees a cup. He picks it up and sees a fancy &quot;B&quot; imprinted on it.]'' Well, now, wait a minute. Polar bear fur, Rat Pack music, fancy cup? ''[alarmed]'' I know whose car this is. We gotta go.
:'''Judy''': Why? Whose car is it?
:'''Nick''': The most feared crime boss in Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big, and he does ''not'' like me, so we gotta go.
:'''Judy''': I'm not leaving. This is a crime scene.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's gonna be an even bigger crime scene if Mr. Big finds me here, ''[opens the limo’s door]'' so we're leaving ''right now.'' ''[turns and sees two polar bears waiting for them]'' Oh, gah! Raymond! And is that Kevin? Long time, no see. And speaking of no see, how about you forget you saw me? Huh? For old times' sake? ''[Raymond and Kevin grab the two by their throats.]'' That's a no.
:''[Later, Judy and Nick are sitting between the two bears in a car being driven to see Mr. Big. One of the bears is looking at his smartphone at a photo of him and the other bear trapping a wolf in a headlock and chuckles to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[whispering]'' What did you do that made Mr. Big so mad at you?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering]'' I, um... I may have sold him a very expensive wool rug... that was made from the fur of a skunk...'s butt.
:'''Judy''': Oh, sweet cheese and crackers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Raymond and Kevin take Judy and Nick to a room, and no one seems to be there. They push the duo forward as one polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that Mr. Big?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispers]'' No.
:''[Another polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': What about him? Is that him?
:'''Nick''': No!
:''[A third polar bear, Koslov, larger than the others, enters the room and walks to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps at the sight of him]'' That's gotta be him.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering through gritted teeth]'' Stop talking, stop talking, ''stop talking!''
:''[Koslov unclenches his hands to reveal a tiny chair. He turns it around, revealing Mr. Big, who is a shrew.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[tilts her head]'' Huh.
:'''Nick''': Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple mis-- ''[Mr. Big grunts and holds out his hand, showing a ring on his finger.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[kisses Mr. Big's ring]'' This is a simple misunderstanding.  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[speaking in a [[w:Vito Corleone|Vito-Corleone]]-style voice]'' [[The Godfather|You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married.]]
:'''Nick''': Well, actually, we were brought here against our will, so-- ''[laughs nervously; Mr. Big gives him a look]'' Point is, I–I did not know that it was your car, and I certainly did not know about your daughter's wedding.
:'''Mr. Big''': I trusted you, Nicky. I welcomed you into my home. We broke bread together. Grandmama made you a cannoli. And how did you repay my generosity? With a rug. Made from the butt of a skunk. A skunk-butt rug. You disrespected me. You disrespected my grandmama, who I buried in that skunk-butt rug. ''[Koslov crosses his chest in prayer.]'' I told you to never show your face here again, but here you are, snooping around with this-- ''[to Judy]'' What are you, a performer? What's with the costume?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I am a co--
:'''Nick''': Mime! She is a mime! This ''mime'' cannot speak. You can't speak if you're a mime.  
:'''Judy''': No, I'm a cop. ''[shows Emmitt's family picture]'' And I'm on the Emmitt Otterton case, and my evidence puts him in ''your car.'' So, intimidate me all you want, I'm gonna find out what you did to that otter if it's the ''last thing I do.'' 
:'''Mr. Big''': Meh. Then I have only one request: Say hello to Grandmama. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. 
:''[The polar bears grab Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! I-I-I didn't see nothing! I'm not saying nothing!
:'''Mr. Big''': And you never will.   
:'''Nick''': Please!
:'''Judy''': Put me down!
:''[The polar bears open a trap door, revealing an ice water pit below and dangle the two.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! If you're mad at me about the rug, I've got more rugs.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[enters the room in a wedding dress]'' Oh, Daddy! It's time for our dance! ''[sees the polar bears holding Nick and Judy above the pit; upset]'' Ugh! What did we say? No icing anyone at my wedding!  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[to Fru Fru]'' I have to, baby, Daddy has to. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. ''[The polar bears prepare to lower Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! 
:'''Fru Fru''': Wait. Wait! ''[The polar bears stop again.]'' She's the bunny that saved my life yesterday! From that giant donut!
:'''Mr. Big''': This bunny? 
:'''Fru Fru''': Yeah! ''[waves to Judy]'' Hi! 
:'''Judy''': Hi. I love your dress.
:'''Fru Fru''': Aw, thank you! 
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. Put 'em down. ''[The polar bears close the trap door and put Judy and Nick down; to Judy]'' You have done me a great service. I will help you find the otter. I will take your kindness and pay it forward. ''[extends his arms with a smile; Judy leans forward, and Mr. Big kisses her on both cheeks. Nick looks at them, dumbfounded.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Fru Fru's wedding, Mr. Big talks to Judy about what happened to Emmitt Otterton.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton is my florist. He's like a part of the family. He had something important he wanted to discuss. That's why I sent that car to pick him up. But he never arrived.
:'''Judy''': Because he was attacked.
:'''Mr. Big''': No. He attacked.
:'''Judy''': Otterton?
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton. He went crazy - ripped up the car, scared my driver half to death ''[his eyes are visible for a moment and widen as he says this last part]'', and disappeared into the night. ''[he holds his paw out for emphasis]''
:'''Judy''': But he's a sweet little otter.
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. My child, we may be evolved, but deep down, we are still animals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Judy and Nick were being chased by Manchas who got savage, Clawhauser shows the Gazelle dancing app on his phone to the wolf prisoner at the ZPD]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Are you familiar with Gazelle? Greatest singer of our lifetime? Angel with horns? Okay, hold on. Keep watching. ''[shows his face on a tiger dancer with Gazelle dancing besides]'' Who's that beside her? Who is it?
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Benjamin Clawhauser.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[laughs]'' It's me! Did you think it was real? It looks so real! ''[Slightly disappointed]'' It's not, it's just a new app.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are trying to get away from a savage Manchas by swinging onto a vine.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[as Judy holds onto the vine]'' Rabbit, whatever you do, do not let go!
:'''Judy''': ''[sees some other vines]'' I'm gonna let go!
:'''Nick''': No, you-- '''''What?!'''''
:'''Judy''': One, two--
:'''Nick''': No, I said, do not-- '''''RABBIT!''''' ''[Judy lets go and swings herself and Nick under the bridge and ends up trapped in vines. Manchas growls at them.]'' Carrots, you saved my life. 
:'''Judy''': ''[warmly]'' Well, that's what we do at the ZPD. '''''AAAAHH!'''''  ''[The vines snap, sending the pair falling into the trees.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick leads Chief Bogo and the ZPD to the sky tram to shows them a savage Manchas who chased them]''
:'''Judy''': I thought this was just a missing mammal case, but it's way bigger. Mr. Otterton did not just disappear. I believe he, and this jaguar, they... they went savage, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Savage? This isn't the Stone Age, Hopps. Animals don't &quot;go savage&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I thought so too... 'Till I saw this. ''[Judy moves the leaves to show Manchas, but he's disappear]'' '''What?''' He was right here!
:'''Chief Bogo''': The savage jaguar?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I know what I saw. He almost killed us!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Or maybe any aggressive predator looks &quot;savage&quot; to you rabbits. ''[to the ZPD]'' Let's go! ''[starts to leave; Judy tries to stop him]''
:'''Judy''': No. Wait! Sir, I'm not the only one who saw him. ''[looks at Nick, who is between the officers]'' Nick!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[scoffs]'' You think I'm gonna believe a fox?
:'''Judy''': Well, he was a key witness, and I-
:'''Chief Bogo''': Two days to find the otter, or you quit. That was the deal. ''[holds out his hoof]'' Badge. ''[Nick looks at Judy and Chief Bogo, shocked]''
:'''Judy''': But sir--
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''BADGE!'''
:''[Judy reluctantly starts to unclip her badge, until Nick speaks.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[to Chief Bogo]'' Uh, no.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[looking at Nick incredulously]'' What did you say, fox?
:'''Nick''': Sorry, what I said was, '''''&quot;No!&quot;''''' She will not be giving you that badge. Look, you gave her a... a clown vest, a three-wheeled joke-mobile, and two days to solve a case you guys haven't cracked in two weeks? ''[Chief Bogo looks slightly ashamed]'' Yeah, it's no wonder she needed to get help from a fox. None of you guys were gonna help her, were you? ''[Chief Bogo tries to speak but Nick cuts him off]'' Here's the thing, chief. You gave her the 48 hours, so technically we still have... ''[counts and holds out his paws]'' ten left to find our Mr. Otterton, and that is exactly what we're gonna do. So, if you'll excuse us, we have a very big lead to follow, and a case to crack. Good day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nick is finishing telling Judy his story of how he, as a kid, was bullied by prey Junior Ranger Scout kids.]''
:'''Nick''': I learned two things that day. One: I was never gonna let anyone see that they got to me.
:'''Judy''': And two?
:'''Nick''': If the world's only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there's no point trying to be anything else.
:'''Judy''': ''[comfortingly]'' Nick, you are ''so'' much more than that. ''[puts her paw on Nick's arm, who becomes uncomfortable and quickly changes the subject]''
:'''Nick''': Boy, look at that traffic down there. How about we go up to Chuck in traffic central? ''[puts two fingers up to his ear, imitating a reporter]'' Chuck, how are things looking on the jam-cams?
:'''Judy''': Nick, I’m glad you told me.
:'''Nick''': ''[realizing]'' The jam-cams.
:'''Judy''': Seriously, it's okay.
:'''Nick''': No, no, no. Shh. There are traffic cameras everywhere, all over the canopy! Whatever happened to that jaguar--
:'''Judy''': The traffic cams would have caught it!
:'''Nick''': Bingo!
:'''Judy''': Ha-ho! Pretty sneaky, slick!
:'''Nick''': However, if you didn't have access to the system before, I doubt Chief Buffalo Butt is gonna let you into it now.
:'''Judy''': No. ''[gets an idea]'' But I have a friend at City Hall who might.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Cliffside Asylum, hiding at an empty cell and eavesdropping a conversation between Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger.]''
:'''Lionheart''': ''[annoyed]'' Enough! I don't want excuses, Doctor! I want answers!
:'''Dr. Badger:''' Mayor Lionheart, please. We're doing everything we can.
:'''Lionheart''': Really? 'Cause I've got a dozen-and-a-half animals in here who'd gone off-the-rails crazy, and you can't tell me why! Now, I'd call that awfully far from &quot;doing everything&quot;!
:'''Dr. Badger''': Sir, it may be time to consider their biology.
:'''Lionheart''': What? What do you mean, &quot;biology&quot;?
:'''Dr. Badger''': The only animals going savage are predators. We ''cannot'' keep it a secret, we ''need'' to come forward.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hmmm. Great idea. Tell the public. And how do you think they're gonna feel about their mayor... ''[yells angrily]'' '''''WHO IS A LION?! I'LL BE RUINED!'''''
:'''Dr. Badger''': Well, what does Chief Bogo say?
:'''Lionheart''': Chief Bogo doesn't know, and ''we are going to keep it that way.''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps as her phone starts ringing because of her parents calling her]'' Oh, no, no, no!
:'''Lionheart''': ''[having heard Judy's phone ring]'' Someone's here!
:'''Dr. Badger''': ''[ushering Lionheart out of the room]'' Sir, you need to go. Now. Security, sweep the area! ''[shuts the door, setting off an alarm, which automatically shuts and locks all the cells]''
:'''Nick''': ''[after he and Judy notice the timber wolves about to burst into the room to sweep the jail cells]'' Great. We're dead. We're dead. That's it! I’m dead, you’re dead. Everybody's dead! ''[leans against a toilet without realizing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gets an idea]'' Can you swim?
:'''Nick''': What? Can I swim? ''[Judy puts her phone in a plastic bag.]'' Yes, I can swim. Why?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After escaping the asylum’s mental hospital, Judy and Nick slide down the pipe and fall out, going down the waterfall, Judy in a diving position, Nick twisting and turning in weird positions while screaming, before falling into the water below.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[emerges]'' Carrots? Hopps! ''[worriedly]'' '''''Judy!!'''''
:'''Judy''': ''[also emerges, holding the plastic bag with her phone in it]'' We gotta tell Bogo!
:''[In his office, Bogo looks at the Gazelle dancing app and sees his face on a tiger dancer.]''
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Chief Bogo. ''[Bogo smiles, and then quickly puts his phone away as Clawhauser enters his office.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Chief Bogo!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now!
:'''Clawhauser''': Wait, is that Gazelle?
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' I'm Gazelle, and you are one hot dancer.
:'''Clawhauser''': You have the app, too? ''[squeals]'' Ohhh... Chief!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed; changing the subject]'' Clawhauser, can't you see I'm working on the missing mammal cases?
:'''Clawhuaser''': ''Oh,'' oh, oh, yes, of course. About that, sir, Officer Hopps just called. She found all of 'em!
:''[Chief Bogo gives a stunned look.]''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' Wow! I'm impressed.
:''[Later that night, the ZPD arrests Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger at the asylum.]''
:'''Judy''': Mayor Lionheart, you have the right to remain silent. Anything--
:'''Lionheart''': You don't understand! I was trying to protect the city!
:'''Judy''': You were just trying to protect your job.
:'''Lionheart''': No, listen! We still don't know why this is happening. It could destroy Zootopia.
:'''Judy''': [[w:Miranda warning|You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. (You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?)]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy has just finished speaking at a press conference and has inadvertently triggered Nick's [[w:Post-traumatic stress disorder|PTSD]].]''
:'''Judy''': Was I okay?
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, you did fine.
:'''Judy''': ''[relieved, to Nick]'' Oh, that went so fast, I didn't get a chance to mention you, or say anything about how we--
:'''Nick''': ''[darkly]'' Oh, I think you said plenty.
:'''Judy''': What do you mean?
:'''Nick''': &quot;Clearly there's a biological component&quot;? &quot;These predators may be reverting back to their primitive, savage ways&quot;? Are you serious?
:'''Judy''': I just stated the facts of the case. I mean, it's not like a bunny could go savage.
:'''Nick''': Right. But a fox could, huh?
:'''Judy''': Nick, stop it. You're not like them.
:'''Nick''': ''[angrily]'' Oh, there's a ''&quot;them&quot;'' now?
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed sigh]'' You know what I mean. You're not that kind of predator.
:'''Nick''': The kind that needs to be muzzled? (The kind you thought you have to manipulate or trick into helping you crack a case?) The kind that makes you think you need to carry around fox repellent? Yeah, don't think I didn't notice ''that'' little item the first time we met. So, l-let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of me? ''[Judy stares at Nick in disbelief, her nose slightly twitching in fear.]'' Do you think I might go nuts? You think I might go ''savage?'' You think I might try to... ''[jumps forward]'' '''''EAT YOU?!''''' ''[Judy gasps, instinctively jumps back and puts her hand over the fox repellent.]'' I knew it. ''[scoffs]'' Just when I thought somebody actually believed in me, huh? (You still think I'm a shifty, low life, worse, a savage.) ''[gives Judy back the application she gave him for the ZPD and leaves]'' Probably best if you don't have a predator as a partner.
:''[Judy looks at the application that is completely filled out, looks up, sees an offended Nick storming off, tearing off his badge sticker, and throwing it down on the ground. She becomes shocked.]''
:'''Judy''': No, Nick! Nick! ''[tries to follow Nick, but is blocked by the reporters]''
:'''Beaver reporter''': Officer Hopps, were you just threatened by that predator?
:'''Judy''': No, he’s my friend.
:'''Rabbit reporter''': We can't even trust our own friends?
:'''Judy''': That is not what I said. Please--!
:'''Beaver reporter''': Are we safe?
:'''Rabbit reporter''': Have any other foxes gone savage?
:''[The microphones are shoved closer to Judy, as questions are buzzed all around her, and she is taken by surprise as she loses Nick.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': More bad news in the city gripped by fear. A caribou is in critical condition, the victim of mauling by a savage polar bear. This, the 27th such attack, comes just one week after ZPD officer Judy Hopps connected the violence to traditionally predatory animals.
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Meanwhile, a peace rally organized by pop star Gazelle was marred by protest. ''[Gazelle is seen in front of a protest peace rally. Judy is seen between a frantic pig and a female leopard, trying to break up the argument.]''
:'''Frantic pig''': ''[with hostility]'' Go back to the forest, predator!
:'''Female leopard''': ''[holding up a sign; offended]'' I'm from the savannah!
:'''Gazelle''': ''[interviewed]'' Zootopia is a unique place. It's a crazy, beautiful diverse city where we celebrate our differences. ''[looks behind herself for a moment and gestures]'' This is not the Zootopia I know. ''[Judy is still standing between the frantic pig and the female leopard.]'' The Zootopia I know is better than this. We don't just blindly assign blame. ''[On a train, Judy sees a tiger sitting next to a bunny mother and child, playing on his phone placidly. The mother pulls the child close to her. The tiger's eyebrows narrow slightly. Judy looks on in shame.]'' We don't know why these attacks keep happening, but it is irresponsible to label all predators as savages.  ''[In the asylum, Mrs. Otterton sees her husband in his savage state, tethered to a pole in the middle of the room, snarling and pacing. Judy walks up to her and puts her hand on her shoulder.]''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[sadly]'' That's not my Emmitt. ''[Judy sadly looks at her; looks down and closes her eyes]''
:'''Gazelle''': We cannot let fear divide us. Please, give me back the Zootopia I love.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Come on, Hopps. The new mayor wants to see us. 
:'''Judy''': The mayor? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': It would seem you've arrived.
:'''Judy''': ''[follows Bogo, and sees Clawhauser packing his stuff because he was demoted]'' Clawhauser? What are you doing?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[sadly]'' Um, they thought it would be better if a predator, such as myself, wasn't the first face that you see when you walk into the ZPD.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Clawhauser''': They're gonna move me to records. It's downstairs. It's by the boiler. ''[Clawhauser sadly walks off, Judy looks at him, upset and guilty. Bogo calls to her by the door.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Hopps!
:''[The scene changes to Bellwether’s office, where Judy is holding a ZPD poster displaying her smiling face. She puts it down and looks at Bellwether.]''
:'''Judy''': Um, I don't understand.
:'''Bellwether''': Our city is 90% prey, Judy, and right now, they're just really scared. You're a hero to them. They trust you. And so that's why Chief Bogo and I want you to be the public face of the ZPD. 
:'''Judy''': ''[looks at the cover and gives thought]'' I'm...not-- I'm not a hero. I came here to make the world a better place, but I think I broke it.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Don't give yourself so much credit, Hopps. The world has always been broken. That's why we need good cops. Like you.
:'''Judy''': With all due respect, sir, a good cop is supposed to serve and protect—help the city, not tear it apart. I don't deserve this badge. ''[takes off her badge]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[shocked]'' Hopps.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[also shocked]'' Judy, you've worked so hard to get here. It's what you wanted since you were a kid. You can't quit.
:'''Judy:''' ''[puts her badge on the desk]'' Thank you for the opportunity. ''[walks out of Bellwether's office, downcast]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy, now a carrot farmer, sees an adult Gideon Grey getting out of his pie truck.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that... Gideon Grey?
:'''Stu''': Yep! It sure is. We work with him now.
:'''Bonnie''': He's our partner, and we never would have considered it had you not opened our minds.
:'''Stu''': That's right, I mean Gid's turned into one of the top pastry chefs in the Tri-Burrows.
:'''Judy''': ''[amazed]'' That's-- That's really cool, you guys. ''[Gideon takes out pastries but looks up when he hears Judy.]'' Gideon Grey. I'll be darned.
:'''Gideon''': ''[sincerely]'' Hey, Judy. I would just like to say, I-I'm sorry for the way I behaved in my youth. I-I-I had a lot of self-doubt, and it manifested itself in the form of unchecked rage and aggression. I was a ''major jerk.''
:'''Judy''': Well, I know a thing or two about being a jerk. ''[smiles; Gideon takes out a tray of pies from his truck.]''
:'''Gideon''': ''[smiles]'' Anyhow, I-I brought y'all these pies.
:''[Judy, her parents, and Gideon watch some bunny kids running through a nearby field towards some flowers.]''
:'''Stu''': Hey, kids, don't you run through the ''Midnicampum holicithias!''
:'''Bunny kid''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[he and the others stop running and move away from the flowers]''
:'''Gideon''': Well, now, ''there's'' a $4-word, Mr. H. My family always just called them &quot;Night Howlers&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I'm sor-- What did you say?
:'''Stu''': Oh, Gid's talking about those flowers, Judy. I use them to keep bugs off the produce. But I don't like the little ones going near 'em on account of your Uncle Terry.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, Terry ate one whole when we were kids and went completely nuts.
:'''Stu''': He bit the dickens out of your mother.
:'''Judy''': ''[putting the pieces together]'' A bunny ''can'' go savage.
:'''Bonnie''': Savage? Well, that's a strong word. But it did hurt like the devil.
:'''Stu''': Well, sure it did. There's a sizable divot in your arm. I'd call that savage.
:'''Judy''': ''[realizing the truth]'' Night Howlers aren't wolves. They’re flowers. The flowers are making the predators go savage. ''[gasps]'' That's it! That's what I've been missing! ''[races away towards Stu’s truck, then turns back]'' Oh! Keys! Keys, keys, keys! Hurry! Come on! ''[Stu tosses Judy the keys to his truck.]'' Thank you! I love you, bye! ''[gets in the truck, starts it up and races back towards Zootopia]''
:'''Stu''': You catch any of that, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Not one bit.
:'''Gideon''': Oh, that makes me feel a little bit better, I-I thought she was talking in tongues or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has found Nick lounging near a bridge, and tries to reconcile with him.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, Nick! Night Howlers aren't wolves. They're toxic flowers. I think someone is targeting predators on purpose and making them go savage.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically and still upset with Judy]'' Wow. ''[gets up]'' Isn't that interesting? ''[walks under the bridge, while Judy follows him]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, listen! I-I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't forgive me either. ''[Nick stops walking but doesn't look at Judy.]'' I was ignorant, and irresponsible, and small-minded. But predators shouldn't suffer because of my mistakes. I have to fix this. But I can't do it without you. ''[Nick still refuses to look at her.]'' And-- And after we're done, you can hate me. And tha-- ''[voice breaking]'' And that'll be fine, because I was a horrible friend, and I hurt you. ''[sobbing]'' And you-- And you can walk away knowing that you were right all along: I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
:''[Everything is silent, except for Judy's quiet crying. Then, a recorded voice is heard; through the carrot pen]''
:'''Judy's Voice''': &quot;I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot; ''[Judy tearfully and incredulously looks at Nick. Nick holds up the carrot pen and replays Judy's words.]'' I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot;.
:'''Nick''': ''[stops recording, turns around and smiles]'' Don't worry, Carrots. I'll let you erase it...in 48 hours. ''[Judy tears up with joy, wipes away her tears and, emotionally exhausted, walks towards Nick.]'' All right, get in here. ''[Judy walks closer and leans her face on Nick's torso, still sobbing; Nick embraces her.]'' Okay. Oh, you bunnies. You're so emotional. There we go, deep breath. Are you just trying to steal the pen? Is that what this is? ''[Judy giggles and tries to grab the pen.]'' You ''are'' standing on my tail, though. Off, off-off-off.
:'''Judy''': Oh! I'm sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke Weaselton is selling bootleg movies to citizens.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[to a pedestrian]'' Well, hello. Step right up. Anything you need, I got it. All your favorite movies! I got movies that haven't even been released yet! ''[the pedestrian rightfully refuses]'' Hey, 15% off! 20! Make me an offer! Come on!
:'''Nick''': ''[shows up with Judy]'' Well, well, look who it is. The Duke of Bootleg.
:'''Weaselton''': What's it to you, Wilde? Shouldn't you be melting down a pawpsicle or something? ''[notices and recognizes Judy; smugly]'' Hey, if it isn't Flopsy the Copsy.
:'''Judy''': We both know those weren't moldy onions I caught you stealing. ''[sternly]'' What were you gonna do with those Night Howlers, Wesselton?
:'''Weaselton''': [[w:Frozen (2013 film)|It's Weaselton. Duke Weaselton]]. And I ain't talkin', rabbit. And there's nothin' you can do to make me.
:''[Judy and Nick give each other a look, as if to say, &quot;Desperate times call for desperate measures.&quot;, and the scene changes to Mr. Big's office.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Ice him.
:''[One polar bear dangles Duke over the ice pit.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[screams; to Nick]'' You dirty rat! Why are you helpin' her? She's a cop!
:'''Mr. Big''': And the godmother to my future granddaughter.
:'''Fru-Fru''': ''[pregnant]'' I'm gonna name her Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[sweetly]'' Ohh!
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[chuckles; becomes serious again]'' Ice this weasel.
:'''Weaselton''': ''[yelps]'' Alright, alright, please! I'll talk! I'll talk! I stole them Night Howlers so I could sell 'em. They offered me what I couldn't refuse: Money.
:'''Judy''': And to whom did you sell them?
:'''Weaselton''': A ram named Doug. We got a drop spot underground. Just watch it. Doug is the opposite of friendly. He's '''''un'''friendly.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After their subway car crashes and burns, Judy and Nick enter the Natural History Museum as a shortcut to the ZPD, with the case with the dart gun and the serum pellet inside as evidence. Suddenly, they stop because Bellwether is arriving with two sheep officials.]''
:'''Bellwether''': Judy! Judy!
:'''Judy''': Mayor Bellwether! We found out what's happening. Someone's darting predators with a serum. That's what's making them go savage.
:'''Bellwether''': I'm so proud of you, Judy. You did just a super job.
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am. ''[starts to hand Bellwether the case, but suddenly, she takes it away in surprised suspicion]'' How did you know where to find us?
:'''Bellwether''': I'll go ahead, and I'll take that case now.
:'''Judy''': ''[uneasily]'' Uh, you know what? I think Nick and I will just take this to the ZPD.
:''[The duo are about to leave, but a giant ram blocks their way.]''
:'''Judy and Nick''': Run. 
:'''Bellwether''': ''[to her henchmen]'' Get them. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick have been thrown into a circular bird’s eye view exhibit by one of Bellwether's henchmen; the case was knocked out of their hands.]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs evilly, to Judy]'' Well, you should have just stayed at the carrot farm, huh? It really is too bad, I-I did like you.
:'''Judy''': What are you gonna do? '''''Kill''' me?!''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' No, of course not. ''[aims the dart gun at Nick, deviously]'' ''He'' is. ''[shoots Nick with the serum pellet; he falls to the floor, writhing]''
:'''Judy''': '''''No!''''' Oh, Nick!
:'''Bellwether''': ''[talks to the ZPD via cellphone, fake-panicked]'' Yes, police! There's a savage fox in the Natural History Museum! Officer Hopps is down! Please hurry!
:'''Judy''': No, Nick. Don't do this. Fight it.
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, but he can't help it, can he? Since preds are just biologically predisposed to be savages. ''[Nick appears to turn feral and attacks Judy. She tries to run away and defend herself by throwing a stuffed fawn at him. Judy then cowers by the wall.]'' Gosh. Think of the headline: &quot;Hero cop killed by savage fox&quot;. ''[Nick rips the fawn to pieces with his teeth.]''
:'''Judy''': So that's it? Prey fears predator and you stay in power?
:'''Bellwether''': Yeah. Pretty much.
:'''Judy''': It won't work!
:'''Bellwether''': Fear ''always'' works. And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.
:'''Judy''': ''[as Nick closes in on her, growling]'' Oh, Nick. No.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[chuckles evilly]'' Bye-bye, bunny.
:''[Nick locks his jaws on Judy's neck. Judy shrieks loudly. However, after a short pause, Nick releases her and smiles.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sticks out her tongue; theatrically]'' Bleh! Blood, blood, blood! And death.
:'''Nick''': ''[amused]'' All right, you know, you’re milking it. Besides, I think we got it. ''[to Bellwether]'' I think we got it. We got it up there, thank you, Yakety-Yak. You laid it all out beautifully.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[shocked and confused]'' What? 
:'''Nick''': Yeah, oh, are, are you looking for the serum? ''[pulls out the serum pellet from his pocket]'' Well, it's right here.
:'''Judy''': What you got in the weapon there? Those are blueberries. ''[Bellwether opens the pistol to find that it's loaded with blueberries.]'' From my family's farm.
:'''Nick''': ''[blows a kiss]'' There are delicious. You should try some.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[angrily grunts and closes the pistol]'' I framed Lionheart, I can frame you, too. It's my word against yours.
:'''Judy''': Ooh. Actually… ''[rewinds her recording pen]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[on the recording]'' &quot;And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.&quot;
:'''Judy''': It's ''your'' word against yours.
:'''Bellwether''': Huh?
:'''Judy''': It's called a hustle, sweetheart. Boom.
:''[Looking nervously, Bellwether tries to escape. However, she finds herself surrounded by Chief Bogo and the other Zootopia Police Department officers.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': Former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is behind bars today, guilty of masterminding the savage attacks that have plagued Zootopia of late. ''[showing Bellwether in an orange jumpsuit, in handcuffs, filled with contempt, as two Officers, Jackson and Krumpanski escort her through the crowd as photographers take pictures.]''
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Her predecessor, Leodore Lionheart, denies any knowledge of her plot, claiming he was just trying to protect the city.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[being interviewed by a porcupine, Quilda]'' Did I falsely imprison those animals? Well, yes. Yes, I did. It was a classic &quot;doing the wrong thing for the right reason&quot; kind of a deal.
:'''Fabienne Growley''': In related news, doctors say the Night howler antidote is proving effective in rehabilitating the afflicted predators.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Judy''': When I was a kid, I thought Zootopia was this perfect place, where everyone got along, and anyone could be anything. Turns out, real life is a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations, we all make mistakes, which means - hey, glass half full! - We all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what type of animal you are, from the biggest elephant to our first fox, I implore you - try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with all of us.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': All right, all right, enough. '''''Shut it!''''' ''[The officers sit down.]'' We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. ''[Nick is seen sitting next to Judy on the same chair she's standing on.]'' Who cares?
:'''Nick''': Heh. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Shut your mouth, Wilde! ''[Judy and the officers snicker, and Bogo takes out his glasses and the files.]'' Assignments: Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer, Delgato; Tundratown SWAT. ''[The officers stand up and leave.]'' Snarlov, Higgins, Wolfard; undercover. ''[Snarlov puts on a green cap, Higgins puts on a fake mustache, and Wolfard puts on a sheep costume, and they leave.]'' Hopps, Wilde... parking duty. Dismissed. ''[Judy and Nick look shocked, as if saying &quot;What?!&quot;. Then Bogo smiles.]'' Just kidding. ''[becomes serious again]'' We have reports of a street racer tearing up Savannah Central. Find him, shut him down.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are on their first patrol as a team.]''
:'''Nick''': So, are all rabbits bad drivers, or is it just you? 
:''[Judy playfully slams on the brakes, making Nick lurch forward.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[slyly]'' Oops. Sorry.
:'''Nick''': ''[pulls off a pawpsicle that got stuck to his face from the impact; chuckles]'' Sly bunny.
:'''Judy''': Dumb fox!
:'''Nick''': You know you love me.
:'''Judy''': Do I know that? ''[smiles warmly]'' Yes. Yes, I do.
:''[The light changes to green, and before they can move, a red car with tinted windows zooms past them. Nick and Judy take notice and smirk at each other. Nick puts on his shades and turns on the siren. Judy hits the pedal, and they chase after the car. They manage to pull over the speeding motorist and walk up to the car.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, you were going 115 miles per hour. I hope you have a good explanation.
:''[The window rolls down, revealing Flash the sloth.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[surprised]'' Well, well! Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!
:'''Flash''': ''[slowly smiles, sheepishly]'' Nick!

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the urban jungle
* That's pretty foxy. (German teaser poster)
* The queen of investigation (French Judy poster)
* The king of scams (French Nick poster)

==Cast==
*'''[[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]''' — Judy Hopps
** '''Kallan Holley''' (young)
*'''[[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]''' — Nick Wilde
** '''{{w|Kath Soucie}}''' (young)
*'''[[Idris Elba]]''' — Chief Bogo
*'''[[w:Jenny Slate|Jenny Slate]]''' — Dawn Bellwether
*'''[[w:Nate Torrence|Nate Torrence]]''' — Benjamin Clawhauser
*'''[[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]]''' — Bonnie Hopps
*'''[[w:Don Lake|Don Lake]]''' — Stu Hopps
*'''[[w:Tommy Chong|Tommy Chong]]''' — Yax
*'''[[w:J. K. Simmons|J.K. Simmons]]''' — Mayor Lionheart
*'''[[w:Octavia Spencer|Octavia Spencer]]''' — Mrs. Otterton
*'''[[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]]''' — Duke Weaselton
*'''[[Shakira]]''' — Gazelle
*'''[[w:Tom Lister Jr.|Tom Lister Jr.]]''' — Finnick
*'''[[w:Raymond S. Persi|Raymond S. Persi]]''' — Flash Slothmore

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Films about sheep]]
[[Category:Films about otters]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rich Moore]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]</text>
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      <text bytes="67457" sha1="7u9swm7acmrhui2nehtgbyt1np16q58" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Shanghai Zootopia Hot Pursuit.jpg|thumb|The Magic Box.]]
'''''[[w:Zootopia|Zootopia]]''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis''''' in some European countries) is a 2016 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is the 55th Disney animated feature film. Set in a modern world of talking anthropomorphic animals, that follows a rabbit named Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) with big dreams to be a cop, who deals with a con artist fox named Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) to uncover a conspiracy. 
:''Directed by [[w:Byron Howard|Byron Howard]] and [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]], co-directed by [[w:Jared Bush|Jared Bush]]. Story by Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush, [[w:Jim Reardon|Jim Reardon]], Josie Trinidad, [[w:Phil Johnston|Phil Johnston]], and [[w:Jennifer Lee (filmmaker)|Jennifer Lee]]. Screenplay by Jared Bush and Phil Johnston.''
{{center|'''Welcome to the urban jungle.'''&lt;small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Judy Hopps==
* [As a 9-year-old] Well, he was right about one thing: I ''don't'' know when to quit.
* It's your word against yours.
* I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart. Boom.

==Nick Wilde==
* Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles!
* It's called a hustle, Sweetheart.
* All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. Sly fox, dumb bunny. ''['''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny.]'' Right. ''[points down to a cement]'' And that's not wet cement.
* Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!

==Flash Slothmore==

==Gazelle==
* I’m Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia.
* ''[In Dancing With Gazelle app]'' Wow, you are one hot dancer, (user's name)!
* ''[sings]'' I won't give up;/I won't give in,/'til I reach the end;/then I'll start again!/No I won't leave;/I wanna try ev'rything;/I wanna try, even though I could fail.

==Dialogue==
:''[After the Carrot Days Festival Talent Show, Young Judy was walking along her parents, Stu and Bonnie Hopps, holding hands]''
:'''Stu''': Judy, you ever wonder how your mom and me got to be so darn happy?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[enthusiastic]'' Nope!
:'''Stu''': Well, we gave up on our dreams, and we settled, right, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, yes, that's right, Stu. We settled hard.
:'''Stu''': See? That's the beauty of complacency, Jude. If you don't try anything new, you'll never fail!
:'''Young Judy''': I like trying, actually. ''[jumps on a line of hay and skips]''
:'''Bonnie''': What your father means, hun, is that it's gonna be difficult, impossible even, for you to become a police officer.
:'''Stu''': Right! There's never been a bunny cop.
:'''Bonnie''': No.
:'''Stu''': Bunnies don't do that.
:'''Bonnie''': Never!
:'''Stu''': Never.
:'''Young Judy''': ''[disappointed]'' Oh... ''[enthusiasm picks up again]'' Then I guess I'll have to be the first one! Because I ''[runs to a stand, flips off of it, and lands, striking a pose]'' am gonna make the world a better place!
:'''Stu''': ''[laughs nervously]'' Or, uh, heck, you know, if you wanna talk about making the world a better place, no better way to do it than becoming a carrot farmer.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes! Your dad, me, your two-hundred seventy-five brothers and sisters, we're changing the world!
:'''Stu''': Yeah.
:'''Bonnie''': One carrot at a time!
:'''Stu''': Amen to that. Carrot farming is a noble profession.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gideon is bullying Sharla, a young lamb with her friends, trying to take her tickets.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': Give me your tickets right now, or I'm gonna kick your meek little sheep butt! ''[shoves Sharla]''
:'''Sharla''': Ow! Cut it out, Gideon!
:'''Young Gideon''': Baa-baa! ''[takes the tickets]'' What are you gonna do, cry?
:'''Young Judy''': ''[out of nowhere]'' Hey! You heard her. Cut it out.
:'''Young Gideon''': Nice costume, loser. What crazy world are you living in where you think a bunny could be a cop? 
:'''Young Judy''': ''[unfazed]'' Kindly return my friend's tickets.
:'''Young Gideon''': Come get 'em. But watch out, 'cause I'm a fox, and like you said in your dumb little stage play, us predators used to ''eat'' prey, and that killer instinct is still in our &quot;dunnah&quot;.
:'''Travis''': Uh, I'm pretty much sure it's pronounced &quot;DNA&quot;.
:'''Young Gideon''': ''[shoving Travis]'' Don't tell me what I know, Travis!
:'''Young Judy''': You don't scare me, Gideon.  ''[Gideon shoves Judy onto the ground, knocking her police hat off her head.]''
:'''Young Gideon''': You scared now?
:'''Travis''': Look at her nose twitch! She ''is'' scared!
:'''Young Gideon''': Cry, little baby bunny. Cry-- ''[Judy kicks him in the face, shocking everyone; feels his lips]'' Aw, you don't know when to quit, do you? ''[retracts his claws and slashes Judy's cheek, offscreen, as she screams, leaving claw marks on her cheek; shoves her face in the dirt]'' I want you to remember this moment, the next time you think you'll ''ever'' be anything more than just a stupid carrot-farming dumb bunny! ''[leaves with Travis and they high-five each other, not realizing Judy sneakily took back the tickets. The children rush to Judy.]''
:'''Gareth''': That looks bad.
:'''Sharla''': Are you okay, Judy?
:'''Young Judy''': Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. ''[holds out the tickets]'' Here you go.
:'''Sharla''': Wow! You got our tickets back!
:'''Gareth''': You're awesome, Judy!
:'''Sharla''': Yeah, that Gideon Grey doesn't know what he's talking about!
:'''Young Judy''': Well, he was right about one thing: ''[puts her police hat back on, as determination spreads across her face]'' I ''don't'' know when to quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy is with her parents and her other relatives at the train station as she gets ready for the train to Zootopia.]''
:'''Bonnie''': We're real proud of you, Judy.
:'''Stu''': Yeah. And scared, too.
:'''Bonnie''': Yes.
:'''Stu''': Really, it's a kind of a &quot;proud-scared&quot; combo. I mean Zootopia! It's so far away. Such a big city.
:'''Judy''': Guys, I've been working for this my whole life.
:'''Bonnie''': We know, and we're just a little excited for you, but terrified.
:'''Judy''': The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
:'''Stu''': And also, bears. We have bears to fear, too. To say nothing about lions, and wolves--
:'''Bonnie''': Wolves?
:'''Stu''': Weasels.
:'''Bonnie''': You play Cribbage with a weasel?
:'''Stu''': Yeah, and he cheats like there's no tomorrow. You know what? Pretty much all predators, and Zootopia's full of them.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, Stu.
:'''Stu''': And foxes are the worst.
:'''Bonnie''': Actually, your father does have a point there. It's in their biology. Remember what happened with Gideon Grey?
:'''Judy''': When I was 9, Gideon Grey was a jerk who happened to be a fox. I know plenty of bunnies who are jerks.
:'''Stu''': Yeah, but just in case, we made you a little care package to take with you
:'''Bonnie''': And I put some snacks in there.
:'''Stu''': This is fox deterrent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, I know.
:'''Stu''': This is fox repellent.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, the deterrent and the repellent--
:'''Stu''': ''[shows Judy a fox taser]'' And check this out! ''[The fox taser unleashes a powerful zap, surprising him.]''
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, for goodness sake, she has no need for a fox taser, Stu.
:'''Stu''': Oh, come on, when is there not a need for a fox taser?
:'''Judy''': Okay, look, I will take this ''[shows her parents the fox repellent]'' to make you stop talking.
:'''Stu''': Terrific! Everyone wins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy meets two of her neighbors at her new apartment.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hi, I'm Judy, your new neighbor.
:'''Bucky''': Yeah? Well, we're loud.
:'''Pronk''': Don’t expect us to apologize for it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the Zootopia Police Department, Officer Fangmeyer, a tiger, takes in a wolf with a muzzle.]''
:'''Muzzled wolf''': Come on! He bared his teeth first!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[behind the radio dispatcher's desk, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps Cereal.]'' Mm-mm-mmm! ''[Judy walks up to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': Excuse me!
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[looking around in surprise]'' Hm?
:'''Judy''': Down here! ''[Clawhauser looks out from his desk and sees Judy]'' Hi!
:'''Clawhauser''': O.M. Goodness. ''[puts down his bowl of cereal, clearly surprised and excited]'' They really did hire a bunny. ''[Laughs]'' What?! Heh, I gotta tell you, you are even cuter than I thought you'd be!
:'''Judy''': Ooh, uh, you probably didn't know, but a bunny can call another bunny cute, but when other animals do it, it's a little...
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[Gasps]'' I am so sorry! ''[pointing to himself]'' Me, Benjamin Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks is just a flabby, donut-loving cop stereotyping you. Aw...
:'''Judy''': ''[giggles]'' That's okay. ''[notices a donut stuck under Clawhauser's neck fold]'' Oh, you've actually - you've actually got... There's a...
:'''Clawhauser''': Um... A what?
:'''Judy''': In your neck, the fold... The - the, there's...
:'''Clawhauser''': Where? ''[Pulls the donut out of his neck fat]'' Oh, there you went, you little dickens! ''[eats the donut whole.]'' Nom!
:'''Judy''': ''[laughs nervously]'' I should get to roll call, so which way do I-
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[points]'' Oh, bull pen's over there to the left.
:'''Judy''': Great. Thank you! ''[Judy walks off to the bull pen as the other officers stare at her in astonishment.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Aww! That poor little bunny's gonna get eaten alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': First... we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. ''[turns to an elephant officer]'' Francine. ''[they look at Francine in mild suspense]'' Happy birthday.
:''[The suspense turns into excitement; officers around Francine get involved in a tussle]''
:'''Office Francine:''' Heh, oh yeah? ''[gives Officer Jackson a noogie]''
:'''Judy''': ''[applauds and is later surprised]'' Oh, oh...

&lt;hr with=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As exiting from the ice cream parlor after Judy gave Nick and Finnick, who disguise as a toddler in an elephant costume.]''
:'''Nick''': Officer, I can't thank you enough. So kind, really. Can I pay you back?
:'''Judy''': Oh no, my treat. It just - you know, it burns me up to see folks with such backward attitudes toward foxes. I just wanna say that you're a great dad and just a... A real articulate fella.
:'''Nick''': Well, that is high praise. It's rare that I find someone so non-patronizing. Officer...
:'''Judy''': Hopps. Mr...
:'''Nick''': Wilde. Nick Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick shake paws]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Finnick]'' And you, little guy, you want to be an elephant when you grow up? You be an elephant. Because this is Zootopia. ''[places a Zootopia Police sticker on Finnick]'' Anyone can be anything. ''[Finnick toots]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy spotted Nick and found out what he’s doing with the jumbo-pop, Nick explains that she’ll never be a cop.]''
:'''Nick''': All right, look, everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want. Well, you can’t. You can only be what you are. ''[points to himself]'' Sly fox, [points to Judy] dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': I am not a dumb bunny. ''[She sinks a bit and there is a soft squelch as she sinks to her knees]''
:'''Nick''': Right. ''[points down]'' And that's not wet cement. ''[Judy is seen up to her knees in cement; Three construction beavers take notice and glare at her. Nick walks off as Judy struggles to break loose]'' You'll never be a real cop. You’re a cute meter maid, though. Maybe a supervisor one day. Hang in there! ''[Nick turns a corner, leaving Judy upset.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy returns to her apartment with her feet covered in cement powder. She enters her room, puts her stuff on her desk, and cycles sadly through songs on the radio; &quot;Everybody Hurts&quot; by R.E.M., &quot;All by Myself&quot; by Eric Carmen, &quot;Can't Do Nuthin' Right&quot; by Madisen Ward, and &quot;I, Loser&quot; by Winston Marshall.]''
:''[Throughout the music, Judy puts a container of Carrots for One in the microwave and watches it with a lachrymose look on her face. When it's finished, she takes it out, opens it, only to find only one dried carrot. Judy groans and lets it fall into the trash. Then her phone rings. Judy picks it up and sees her parents calling. Judy groans, puts on a forced smile, and answers her phone.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, hey! It's my parents!
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, there she is. Hi, sweetheart.
:'''Stu''': Hey there, Jude the Dude. How was your first day on the force?
:'''Judy''': It was real great.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah? Everything you ever hoped?
:'''Judy''': Mm-hmm. Absolutely, and more. Everyone's so nice, and I feel like I'm really making a difference.
:'''Stu''': ''[looks closely on the screen]'' Whoa, wait a second. Holy cripes, Bonnie, look at that.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, my sweet heavens! ''[hopefully]'' Judy, are you a meter maid?
:'''Judy''': Oh, this? No! Oh, no, no! This is just a temporary thing.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, it's the safest job in the force.
:'''Stu''': Oh, she's not a real cop. Our prayers have been answered!
:'''Bonnie''': Glorious day!
:'''Stu''': Oh, meter maid! Meter maid! Meter maid! ''Meter maid!''
:'''Judy''': Dad. ''Dad! '''Dad!''''' ''[changes the subject]'' You know what, it's been a really long day. I should--
:'''Bonnie''': That's right, you get some rest.
:'''Stu''': Those meters aren't gonna maid themselves.
:'''Bonnie''': Bye-bye. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Buh-bye. ''[puts her phone on the table]'' 
:'''Pronk''': Hey, bunny, turn down that depressing music!
:''[Judy turns off the radio.]''
:'''Bucky''': Leave the meter maid alone! Didn't you hear her conversation? She feels like a failure!
:'''Pronk''': Oh, shut up!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!
:'''Pronk''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Bucky''': ''You'' shut up!!
:'''Judy''': ''[groans; to herself]'' Tomorrow's another day.
:'''Pronk''': ''[apparently hearing Judy]'' Yeah, but it might be worse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The next day, Judy is on meter duty again. A parking meter goes off, and she puts a ticket on a car. A moose is angry.]''
:'''Moose''': ''[grunts angrily]'' I was '''30 SECONDS OVER!'''
:''[Another parking meter expires, and Judy puts a ticket on a tiny car.]''
:'''Mouse''': Ugh! ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, you're a &quot;real hero&quot;, lady.  ''[Another parking meter goes off and Judy puts another ticket on another car.]''
:'''Hippo kid''': ''[innocently]'' My mommy says she wishes you were dead.
:'''Offscreen angry driver''': Uncool, rabbit. My tax dollars pay your salary.   ''[Irritated, Judy goes inside her car and slowly taps her head on the steering wheel.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to herself]'' I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop. I ''am'' a real cop…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy capured Duke Weaselton; At the ZPD, Clawhauser is talking to Mrs. Otterton.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay. You're gonna have to be patient and wait in line just like everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay?
:'''Judy''': ''[after capturing Duke Weaselton]'' I popped the weasel!
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Hopps!''' [on the second-floor balcony; points to his office]
:'''Officer''': ''[whispers; off-screen]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Abandoning your post, inciting a scurry, reckless endangerment of rodents! But to be fair, you did stop a master criminal from stealing two dozen moldy onions. ''[shows the bag, revealing plant bulbs]''
:'''Judy''': Mmm, hate to disagree with you, sir, but those aren't onions. Those are a crocus varietal called ''Midnicampum holicithias''. They're a Class C botanical, sir. Well, I grew up in a family where plant husbandry was kind of a thing.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut your tiny mouth now! ''[puts the bag away]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I got the bad guy. That's my job.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Your job is ''putting tickets on parked cars!'' ''[his intercom beeps]''
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[through the intercom]'' Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton is here to see you again.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now.
:'''Clawhauser''': OK, I just didn't know if you'd want to take this time. She seems really upset.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''Not now!'''
:'''Judy''': Sir, I don't wanna be a meter maid, I wanna be a real cop.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Do you think the mayor asked what ''I'' ''wanted'' when he assigned you to me?
:'''Judy''': But, sir, if--
:'''Chief Bogo''': Life isn't some cartoon musical where you ''sing a little song,'' and your insipid dreams '''''magically come true!''''' So, ''[[w:Let It Go (Disney song)|let it go]].''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[comes into Bogo's office]'' Chief Bogo, please. 5 minutes of your time, please.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[out of breath]'' I'm sorry, sir. I tried to stop her. She's super slippery. I gotta go sit down.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, as I've told you, we're doing everything we can.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': My husband has been missing for 10 days. His name is Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Yes, I know.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': He's a florist. We have two beautiful children. He would never just disappear.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ma'am, our detectives are very busy.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[desperate]'' Please. There's gotta be somebody to find my Emmitt.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Mrs. Otterton--
:'''Judy''': I will find him.
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[elated]'' Oh, thank you! ''[runs up to Judy and hugs her]'' Bless you! Bless you, little bunny! ''[Bogo growls in annoyance.]'' Take this. Find my Emmitt. Bring him home to me and my babies, please. ''[hands a photo of her family to Judy]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Ahem! Mrs. Otterton, will you please wait out here?
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': Of course. Oh, thank you both so much. ''[leaves the office]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': One second. ''[closes the door; sternly to Judy]'' You're fired.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': Insubordination! Now, I'm going to open this door, and you're going to tell that otter that you're a former meter maid with delusions of grandeur who will ''not be taking the case.'' ''[opens the door to see Mrs. Otterton with Bellwether]''
:'''Bellwether''': I just heard Officer Hopps is taking the case.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[surprised]'' Assistant Mayor Bellwether.
:'''Bellwether''': The Mammal Inclusion Initiative is really startin' to pay off. ''[chuckles]'' Mayor Lionheart is just gonna be so jazzed!
:'''Chief Bogo''': No, no, let's not tell the mayor just yet.
:'''Bellwether''': And I've sent it, and it is done, so I did do that. ''[Bogo facepalms in annoyance.]'' Alright, well, I'd say the case is in good hands. Us little guys really need to... stick together, right?
:'''Judy''': Like glue.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' Good one. Just call me if you ever need anything, okay? You've always got a friend at City Hall, Judy. Alright, bye-bye. ''[she and Mrs. Otterton leaves]''
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[closes the door and sighs; reluctantly]'' I will give you 48 hours.
:'''Judy''': ''[excited]'' '''''YES!'''''
:'''Chief Bogo''': That’s ''two days'' to find Emmitt Otterton.
:'''Judy''': Okay.
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''But,''''' you strike out... ''you resign.'' (Okay?)
:'''Judy''': ''[her enthusiasm drops]'' Oh. Uh... ''[regains her composure]'' Okay. Deal.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[smirks]'' Splendid. Clawhauser will give you the complete case file.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has tracked down Nick, believing him to be a lead in her case. She drives her meter maid cart next to him, who is pushing a stroller with sleeping Finnick inside.]''
:'''Judy''': Hi! Hello? It's me again!
:'''Nick''': Hey, it's Officer Toot-Toot!
:'''Judy''': ''[chortles]'' No. Actually, it's Officer Hopps, and I'm here to ask you some questions about a case.
:'''Nick''': What happened, meter maid? Did someone steal a traffic cone? It wasn't me. ''[Annoyed, Judy rides up and pulls up in front of Nick, blaring her siren.]'' Hey, Carrots, you're gonna wake the baby. ''[refers to Finnick]'' I gotta get to work.
:'''Judy''': ''[gets out of her cart with the folder, a notepad, and a carrot pen]'' This is important, sir. I think your ''$10'' worth of pawpsicles can wait.
:'''Nick''': Heh. I make 200 bucks ''a day,'' Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12.'' And time is money. Hop along.
:'''Judy''': Please, just look at the picture. ''[shows a close-up picture of Emmitt eating a pawsicle]'' You sold Mr. Otterton that pawpsicle, right? Do you know him?
:'''Nick''': I know everybody. And I also know that somewhere, there's a toy store missin' its stuffed animal, so why don't you get back to your box?
:'''Judy''': ''[her smile drops and becomes serious]'' Fine. Then we’ll have to do this the hard way.
:''[Attaches a clamp to Nick’s stroller.]''
:'''Nick''': Did you just boot my stroller?
:'''Judy''': Nicholas Wilde, you are under arrest.
:'''Nick''': ''[scoffs]'' For what? ''[in a baby voice; mockingly]'' Hurting your feewings?
:'''Judy''': ''[smiles slyly]'' Felony tax evasion. ''[Nick's smile drops, and his eyes widen in shock as Judy writes.]'' Yeah, $200 a day, 365 days a year since you were 12. That's two decades, so times 20, which is... $1,460,000, ''I think.'' I mean, I ''am'' just a &quot;dumb bunny&quot;, but we ''are'' good at multiplying. Anyway, according to your tax forms, you reported, let me see here... '''''0!''''' ''[Nick's face freezes in shock.]'' Unfortunately, lying on a federal form is a punishable offense. Five years jail time.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's my word against yours.
:''[Judy pulls out her carrot pen and plays back Nick's confession;'' ''through the carrot pen]'' &quot;(I make) 200 bucks ''a day''. Fluff. 365 days a year, since I was ''12&quot;.''
:'''Judy''': Actually, it's ''your'' word against yours. And if you want this pen, you're going to help me find this poor missing otter, or the only place you'll be selling pawsicles is the prison cafeteria. ''[smirks mockingly]'' It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
:''[A slight pause.]''
:'''Finnick''': She hustled you. ''[opens the stroller, laughing]'' She hustled you '''''good!''''' You a cop now, Nick! You gon' need one o' these. ''[slaps his badge sticker on Nick's shirt. Nick frowns.]'' Have fun working with the fuzz! ''[walks away, still laughing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[to Nick]'' Start talking.
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' I don't know where he is. I only saw where he went.
:'''Judy''': Great! Let's go! ''[gets in her cart]''
:'''Nick''': ''[smirks]'' It's not exactly a place for a... cute little bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed]'' Don't call me &quot;cute&quot;; Get in the car.
:'''Nick''': ''[smirking]'' Okay, you're the boss. ''[joins Judy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Mystic Spring Oasis.]''
:'''Yax''': ''[chanting]'' Om... Om... Om...
:'''Judy''': ''[clears throat]'' Hi. Uh, hello.
:'''Yax''': ''[loudly]'' '''''Om... Om...'''''
:'''Judy''': Hello? Hello!
:''[Yax comes out of his meditation, shaking his head, making flies buzz around his head. He removes his hair from his eyes, looks down, and sees Judy.]''
:'''Yax''': Hmm?
:'''Judy''': Hello. My name is--
:'''Yax''': Oh, you know, I'm gonna hit the pause button right there, cause we're all good on bunny scout cookies.
:'''Judy''': Uh, no. I'm Officer Hopps, ZPD. I'm looking for a missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton, right here. He may have frequented this establishment.
:'''Yax''': ''[looks at the picture of Emmitt and sneezes]'' Yeah, old Emmitt! ''[laughs]'' Haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. But, hey, you should talk to his [[yoga]] instructor. I'd be happy to take you back.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you so much, I'd appreciate that more than you can imagine, it'd be such an-- ''[covers her eyes]'' '''''OHHHHHH!''''' You are naked!
:'''Yax''': Huh? Oh, for sure! We're a naturalist club! ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': Yeah. In Zootopia, anyone can be anything. And these guys, they be naked.
:'''Yax''': Nangi's just on the other side of the pleasure pool. ''[Judy sees many nude animals, and she is shocked]''
:'''Nick''': Oh, boy. Does this make you uncomfortable? Because if so, there's no shame in calling quits.
:'''Judy''': Yes, there is.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Boy, that's the spirit.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, some mammals say the naturalist life is weird, but you know what I say is weird? Clothes on animals. Here we go! ''[Judy groans; the trio comes across Nangi]'' As you can see, Nangi's an elephant, so she'll totally remember everything. Hey, Nangi, these dudes have some questions about Emmitt the otter.
:'''Nangi''': Who?
:'''Yax''': Uh, Emmitt Otterton? Been coming to your yoga class for, like, 6 years?
:'''Nangi''': I have no memory of this beaver.
:'''Judy''': He's an otter, actually.
:'''Yax''': He was here a couple of Wednesdays ago, remember? 
:'''Nangi''': No.
:'''Yax''': Yeah, he was wearing a cable knit sweater vest and a new pair of corduroy slacks. Oh, and a Paisley tie, sweet Windsor knot. Real tight. Remember that, Nangi?  
:'''Nangi''': No. 
:'''Yax''': Yeah, and we both walked him out, and he got into this big old white car with a silver trim. Needed a tune-up, the third cylinder wasn't firing. Remember that, Nangi?
:'''Nangi''': ''[with her body curled into the shape of a backwards C]'' Nope.
:'''Judy''': Um, uh, you didn't happen to catch the license plate number, did you?
:'''Yax''': Oh, for sure. It was 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:''[Nick seems amazed at Nangi's flexibility and looks at Judy's notes, and briefly nods]''
:'''Judy''': ''[writing it down]'' (2-9-T-H-D-)0-3. Wow, this is a lot of great info, thank you.
:'''Yax''': Told you Nangi has a mind like a steel trap. Ah, I wish I had a memory like an elephant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick arrive at the Department of Motor Vehicles to look up the license plate number; Judy is shocked to see that the DMV is run by sloths.]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, they're all ''sloths?!'' ''[seeing all the sloths works so slowly]'' You said this was gonna be quick!
:'''Nick''': Are you saying that because he's a sloth he can't be fast? I thought in Zootopia, anyone could be anything. ''[They walk up to one of the sloths.]'' Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Buddy, it's nice to see you.
:'''Flash''': Nice to... see you... too.
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, I'd love you to meet my friend. Uh, darling, I've forgotten your name.
:'''Judy''': Hmm... Ah… Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. How are you?
:'''Flash''': I am... doing... just...
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to finish Flash's sentence]'' Fine?
:'''Flash''': ...as well... as... I can... be. What...
:'''Nick''': ''[to Judy; smugly]'' Hang in there.
:'''Flash''': ...can I... do...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate--
:'''Flash''': ...for you...
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could--
:'''Flash''': ...today? ''[pauses for a few seconds]''
:'''Judy''': Well, I was hoping you could run a plate for us. We are in a really big hurry.
:'''Flash''': Sure. What's the... plate...
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T--
:'''Flash''': ...number?
:'''Judy''': 2-9-T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[begins typing the plate number very slowly on his computer]'' 2...9... 
:'''Judy''': ''[trying to speed up the process]'' T-H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...T...
:'''Judy''': H-D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...H...
:'''Judy''': D-0-3.
:'''Flash''': ''[pauses; types D]'' ...D...
:'''Judy''': Mmm-hmm. 0-3.
:'''Flash''': ...0...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately]'' ''3!''
:'''Nick''': Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke?
:'''Judy''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Flash''': ''[stops typing]'' Sure. ''[Judy growls in annoyance.]''
:'''Nick''': Okay, what do you call a three-humped camel?
:'''Flash''': I don't... know. What...''do...''you call...a...
:'''Judy''': ''[impatiently]'' ...three-humped...camel.
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... camel?
:'''Nick''': Pregnant. ''[laughs]''
:''[Flash stares for a few seconds and starts laughing slowly.]''
:'''Judy''': Ha-ha! Yes, very funny, very funny! Can we please just focus on the---
:'''Flash''': Hey...
:'''Judy''': Wait, wait, wait!
:'''Flash''': ...Priscilla!
:'''Judy''': Oh, no!
:'''Priscilla''': Yes... Flash?
:'''Flash''': What...
:'''Judy''': Oh!
:'''Flash''': ...do...
:'''Judy''': No!
:'''Flash''': ...you call a...
:'''Judy''': ''[desperately trying to speed up the joke]'' A three-humped camel? Pregnant! Okay, great! We got it! Please, just...
:'''Flash''': ...three-humped... ''[Judy growls in frustration and bangs her head on the counter. Much later, the paper prints out; slowly separates it at the perforation and hands it to Judy]'' Here...
:'''Judy''': Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry.
:'''Flash''': ...you...
:'''Judy''': ''[hastily grabs the paper]'' Thank you! 29THD03.
:'''Flash''': ...go.
:'''Judy''': It's registered to... Tundratown Limo Service! A limo took Otterton! And the limo's in Tundratown! ''[quickly runs out]'' It's in Tundratown!
:'''Nick''': ''[to Flash]'' Way to hustle, bud. I love ya. I owe ya.  ''[Judy and Nick walk out of the DMV.]''
:'''Judy''': Hurry! We gotta beat the rush hour and-- ''[looks outside, shocked]'' '''''IT'S NIGHT?!''''' ''[the scene changes to the Tundratown Limo Service; tugs on the lock on the gate]'' Closed! Great.
:'''Nick''': Mm. And I will betcha you don't have to warrant to get in, hmm? Darn it. It's a bummer. 
:'''Judy''': You wasted the day on purpose!
:'''Nick''': Madam, I have a ''fake badge''. I would never impede your pretend investigation.
:'''Judy''': It's not a pretend investigation. ''[takes out Emmitt's family picture]'' Look, see? See him? This otter is missing. 
:'''Nick''': Well, they should've gotten a real cop to find him.
:'''Judy''': ''[puts the picture away]'' What is your problem? Does seeing me fail somehow make you feel better about your own sad, miserable life?
:'''Nick''': It does, 100%. Now, since you're sans warrant, I guess we're... done? 
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs]'' Fine. We are done. ''[reveals the carrot pen]'' Here's your pen.
:'''Nick''': ''[tries to reach the pen]'' Hey! ''[Judy throws the carrot pen over the fence]'' First off, you throw like a bunny. Second, you're a very sore loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': ''[opens the limo’s glove compartment and suddenly jumps back in alarm]'' Oh, my God!   
:'''Judy''': What? What?!
:'''Nick''': ''The Velvety Pipes of Jerry Vole!'' ''[smirks; Judy looks at him annoyed, puts a polar bear’s fur in a plastic bag.]'' But on CD. Who still uses CDs? ''[tosses the CDs back, opens the door revealing the back, gets spooked and his ears pull back]'' Carrots, if your otter was here, he had a very bad day.
:'''Judy''': ''[goes to take a look, which the back is ripped, and claw marks are shown everywhere]'' Those are... claw marks. You ever seen anything like this?
:'''Nick''': No.
:'''Judy''': Oh, wait. Look! ''[hops down and looks at Emmitt's wallet, seeing his picture]'' This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He was definitely here. What do you think happened?
:'''Nick''': ''[looks around and sees a cup. He picks it up and sees a fancy &quot;B&quot; imprinted on it.]'' Well, now, wait a minute. Polar bear fur, Rat Pack music, fancy cup? ''[alarmed]'' I know whose car this is. We gotta go.
:'''Judy''': Why? Whose car is it?
:'''Nick''': The most feared crime boss in Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big, and he does ''not'' like me, so we gotta go.
:'''Judy''': I'm not leaving. This is a crime scene.
:'''Nick''': Well, it's gonna be an even bigger crime scene if Mr. Big finds me here, ''[opens the limo’s door]'' so we're leaving ''right now.'' ''[turns and sees two polar bears waiting for them]'' Oh, gah! Raymond! And is that Kevin? Long time, no see. And speaking of no see, how about you forget you saw me? Huh? For old times' sake? ''[Raymond and Kevin grab the two by their throats.]'' That's a no.
:''[Later, Judy and Nick are sitting between the two bears in a car being driven to see Mr. Big. One of the bears is looking at his smartphone at a photo of him and the other bear trapping a wolf in a headlock and chuckles to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[whispering]'' What did you do that made Mr. Big so mad at you?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering]'' I, um... I may have sold him a very expensive wool rug... that was made from the fur of a skunk...'s butt.
:'''Judy''': Oh, sweet cheese and crackers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Raymond and Kevin take Judy and Nick to a room, and no one seems to be there. They push the duo forward as one polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that Mr. Big?
:'''Nick''': ''[whispers]'' No.
:''[Another polar bear enters the room.]''
:'''Judy''': What about him? Is that him?
:'''Nick''': No!
:''[A third polar bear, Koslov, larger than the others, enters the room and walks to the desk.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps at the sight of him]'' That's gotta be him.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering through gritted teeth]'' Stop talking, stop talking, ''stop talking!''
:''[Koslov unclenches his hands to reveal a tiny chair. He turns it around, revealing Mr. Big, who is a shrew.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[tilts her head]'' Huh.
:'''Nick''': Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple mis-- ''[Mr. Big grunts and holds out his hand, showing a ring on his finger.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[kisses Mr. Big's ring]'' This is a simple misunderstanding.  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[speaking in a [[w:Vito Corleone|Vito-Corleone]]-style voice]'' [[The Godfather|You come here unannounced on the day my daughter is to be married.]]
:'''Nick''': Well, actually, we were brought here against our will, so-- ''[laughs nervously; Mr. Big gives him a look]'' Point is, I–I did not know that it was your car, and I certainly did not know about your daughter's wedding.
:'''Mr. Big''': I trusted you, Nicky. I welcomed you into my home. We broke bread together. Grandmama made you a cannoli. And how did you repay my generosity? With a rug. Made from the butt of a skunk. A skunk-butt rug. You disrespected me. You disrespected my grandmama, who I buried in that skunk-butt rug. ''[Koslov crosses his chest in prayer.]'' I told you to never show your face here again, but here you are, snooping around with this-- ''[to Judy]'' What are you, a performer? What's with the costume?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I am a co--
:'''Nick''': Mime! She is a mime! This ''mime'' cannot speak. You can't speak if you're a mime.  
:'''Judy''': No, I'm a cop. ''[shows Emmitt's family picture]'' And I'm on the Emmitt Otterton case, and my evidence puts him in ''your car.'' So, intimidate me all you want, I'm gonna find out what you did to that otter if it's the ''last thing I do.'' 
:'''Mr. Big''': Meh. Then I have only one request: Say hello to Grandmama. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. 
:''[The polar bears grab Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! I-I-I didn't see nothing! I'm not saying nothing!
:'''Mr. Big''': And you never will.   
:'''Nick''': Please!
:'''Judy''': Put me down!
:''[The polar bears open a trap door, revealing an ice water pit below and dangle the two.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! If you're mad at me about the rug, I've got more rugs.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[enters the room in a wedding dress]'' Oh, Daddy! It's time for our dance! ''[sees the polar bears holding Nick and Judy above the pit; upset]'' Ugh! What did we say? No icing anyone at my wedding!  
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[to Fru Fru]'' I have to, baby, Daddy has to. ''[to the polar bears]'' Ice 'em. ''[The polar bears prepare to lower Judy and Nick.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, no! 
:'''Fru Fru''': Wait. Wait! ''[The polar bears stop again.]'' She's the bunny that saved my life yesterday! From that giant donut!
:'''Mr. Big''': This bunny? 
:'''Fru Fru''': Yeah! ''[waves to Judy]'' Hi! 
:'''Judy''': Hi. I love your dress.
:'''Fru Fru''': Aw, thank you! 
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. Put 'em down. ''[The polar bears close the trap door and put Judy and Nick down; to Judy]'' You have done me a great service. I will help you find the otter. I will take your kindness and pay it forward. ''[extends his arms with a smile; Judy leans forward, and Mr. Big kisses her on both cheeks. Nick looks at them, dumbfounded.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At Fru Fru's wedding, Mr. Big talks to Judy about what happened to Emmitt Otterton.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton is my florist. He's like a part of the family. He had something important he wanted to discuss. That's why I sent that car to pick him up. But he never arrived.
:'''Judy''': Because he was attacked.
:'''Mr. Big''': No. He attacked.
:'''Judy''': Otterton?
:'''Mr. Big''': Otterton. He went crazy - ripped up the car, scared my driver half to death ''[his eyes are visible for a moment and widen as he says this last part]'', and disappeared into the night. ''[he holds his paw out for emphasis]''
:'''Judy''': But he's a sweet little otter.
:'''Mr. Big''': Hmm. My child, we may be evolved, but deep down, we are still animals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[While Judy and Nick were being chased by Manchas who got savage, Clawhauser shows the Gazelle dancing app on his phone to the wolf prisoner at the ZPD]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Are you familiar with Gazelle? Greatest singer of our lifetime? Angel with horns? Okay, hold on. Keep watching. ''[shows his face on a tiger dancer with Gazelle dancing besides]'' Who's that beside her? Who is it?
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Benjamin Clawhauser.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[laughs]'' It's me! Did you think it was real? It looks so real! ''[Slightly disappointed]'' It's not, it's just a new app.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are trying to get away from a savage Manchas by swinging onto a vine.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[as Judy holds onto the vine]'' Rabbit, whatever you do, do not let go!
:'''Judy''': ''[sees some other vines]'' I'm gonna let go!
:'''Nick''': No, you-- '''''What?!'''''
:'''Judy''': One, two--
:'''Nick''': No, I said, do not-- '''''RABBIT!''''' ''[Judy lets go and swings herself and Nick under the bridge and ends up trapped in vines. Manchas growls at them.]'' Carrots, you saved my life. 
:'''Judy''': ''[warmly]'' Well, that's what we do at the ZPD. '''''AAAAHH!'''''  ''[The vines snap, sending the pair falling into the trees.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick leads Chief Bogo and the ZPD to the sky tram to shows them where a savage Manchas is]''
:'''Judy''': I thought this was just a missing mammal case, but it's way bigger. Mr. Otterton did not just disappear. I believe he, and this jaguar, they... they went savage, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Savage? This isn't the Stone Age, Hopps. Animals don't &quot;go savage&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I thought so too... ''[moves the leaves to show Manchas]'' 'Till I saw this.
:''[But Manchas has disappeared.]'' 
:'''Judy''': '''What?''' He was right here!
:'''Chief Bogo''': The savage jaguar?
:'''Judy''': Sir, I know what I saw. He almost killed us!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Or maybe any aggressive predator looks &quot;savage&quot; to you rabbits. ''[to the ZPD]'' Let's go! ''[starts to leave; Judy tries to stop him]''
:'''Judy''': No. Wait! Sir, I'm not the only one who saw him. ''[looks at Nick, who is between the officers]'' Nick!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[scoffs]'' You think I'm gonna believe a fox?
:'''Judy''': Well, he was a key witness, and I-
:'''Chief Bogo''': Two days to find the otter, or you quit. That was the deal. ''[holds out his hoof]'' Badge. ''[Nick looks at Judy and Chief Bogo, shocked]''
:'''Judy''': But sir--
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''BADGE!'''
:''[Judy reluctantly starts to unclip her badge, until Nick speaks.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[to Chief Bogo]'' Uh, no.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[looking at Nick incredulously]'' What did you say, fox?
:'''Nick''': Sorry, what I said was, '''''&quot;No!&quot;''''' She will not be giving you that badge. Look, you gave her a... a clown vest, a three-wheeled joke-mobile, and two days to solve a case you guys haven't cracked in two weeks? ''[Chief Bogo looks slightly ashamed]'' Yeah, it's no wonder she needed to get help from a fox. None of you guys were gonna help her, were you? ''[Chief Bogo tries to speak but Nick cuts him off]'' Here's the thing, chief. You gave her the 48 hours, so technically we still have... ''[counts and holds out his paws]'' ten left to find our Mr. Otterton, and that is exactly what we're gonna do. So, if you'll excuse us, we have a very big lead to follow, and a case to crack. Good day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nick is finishing telling Judy his story of how he, as a kid, was bullied by prey Junior Ranger Scout kids.]''
:'''Nick''': I learned two things that day. One: I was never gonna let anyone see that they got to me.
:'''Judy''': And two?
:'''Nick''': If the world's only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there's no point trying to be anything else.
:'''Judy''': ''[comfortingly]'' Nick, you are ''so'' much more than that. ''[puts her paw on Nick's arm, who becomes uncomfortable and quickly changes the subject]''
:'''Nick''': Boy, look at that traffic down there. How about we go up to Chuck in traffic central? ''[puts two fingers up to his ear, imitating a reporter]'' Chuck, how are things looking on the jam-cams?
:'''Judy''': Nick, I’m glad you told me.
:'''Nick''': ''[realizing]'' The jam-cams.
:'''Judy''': Seriously, it's okay.
:'''Nick''': No, no, no. Shh. There are traffic cameras everywhere, all over the canopy! Whatever happened to that jaguar--
:'''Judy''': The traffic cams would have caught it!
:'''Nick''': Bingo!
:'''Judy''': Ha-ho! Pretty sneaky, slick!
:'''Nick''': However, if you didn't have access to the system before, I doubt Chief Buffalo Butt is gonna let you into it now.
:'''Judy''': No. ''[gets an idea]'' But I have a friend at City Hall who might.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are at the Cliffside Asylum, hiding at an empty cell and eavesdropping a conversation between Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger.]''
:'''Lionheart''': ''[annoyed]'' Enough! I don't want excuses, Doctor! I want answers!
:'''Dr. Badger:''' Mayor Lionheart, please. We're doing everything we can.
:'''Lionheart''': Really? 'Cause I've got a dozen-and-a-half animals in here who'd gone off-the-rails crazy, and you can't tell me why! Now, I'd call that awfully far from &quot;doing everything&quot;!
:'''Dr. Badger''': Sir, it may be time to consider their biology.
:'''Lionheart''': What? What do you mean, &quot;biology&quot;?
:'''Dr. Badger''': The only animals going savage are predators. We ''cannot'' keep it a secret, we ''need'' to come forward.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hmmm. Great idea. Tell the public. And how do you think they're gonna feel about their mayor... ''[yells angrily]'' '''''WHO IS A LION?! I'LL BE RUINED!'''''
:'''Dr. Badger''': Well, what does Chief Bogo say?
:'''Lionheart''': Chief Bogo doesn't know, and ''we are going to keep it that way.''
:'''Judy''': ''[gasps as her phone starts ringing because of her parents calling her]'' Oh, no, no, no!
:'''Lionheart''': ''[having heard Judy's phone ring]'' Someone's here!
:'''Dr. Badger''': ''[ushering Lionheart out of the room]'' Sir, you need to go. Now. Security, sweep the area! ''[shuts the door, setting off an alarm, which automatically shuts and locks all the cells]''
:'''Nick''': ''[after he and Judy notice the timber wolves about to burst into the room to sweep the jail cells]'' Great. We're dead. We're dead. That's it! I’m dead, you’re dead. Everybody's dead! ''[leans against a toilet without realizing]''
:'''Judy''': ''[gets an idea]'' Can you swim?
:'''Nick''': What? Can I swim? ''[Judy puts her phone in a plastic bag.]'' Yes, I can swim. Why?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After escaping the asylum’s mental hospital, Judy and Nick slide down the pipe and fall out, going down the waterfall, Judy in a diving position, Nick twisting and turning in weird positions while screaming, before falling into the water below.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[emerges]'' Carrots? Hopps! ''[worriedly]'' '''''Judy!!'''''
:'''Judy''': ''[also emerges, holding the plastic bag with her phone in it]'' We gotta tell Bogo!
:''[In his office, Bogo looks at the Gazelle dancing app and sees his face on a tiger dancer.]''
:'''Gazelle''': Wow, you are one hot dancer, Chief Bogo. ''[Bogo smiles, and then quickly puts his phone away as Clawhauser enters his office.]''
:'''Clawhauser''': Chief Bogo!
:'''Chief Bogo''': Not now!
:'''Clawhauser''': Wait, is that Gazelle?
:'''Chief Bogo''': '''''No!'''''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' I'm Gazelle, and you are one hot dancer.
:'''Clawhauser''': You have the app, too? ''[squeals]'' Ohhh... Chief!
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[annoyed; changing the subject]'' Clawhauser, can't you see I'm working on the missing mammal cases?
:'''Clawhuaser''': ''Oh,'' oh, oh, yes, of course. About that, sir, Officer Hopps just called. She found all of 'em!
:''[Chief Bogo gives a stunned look.]''
:'''Gazelle''': ''[on the video]'' Wow! I'm impressed.
:''[Later that night, the ZPD arrests Mayor Lionheart and Dr. Badger at the asylum.]''
:'''Judy''': Mayor Lionheart, you have the right to remain silent. Anything--
:'''Lionheart''': You don't understand! I was trying to protect the city!
:'''Judy''': You were just trying to protect your job.
:'''Lionheart''': No, listen! We still don't know why this is happening. It could destroy Zootopia.
:'''Judy''': [[w:Miranda warning|You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. (You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?)]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy has just finished speaking at a press conference and has inadvertently triggered Nick's [[w:Post-traumatic stress disorder|PTSD]].]''
:'''Judy''': Was I okay?
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, you did fine.
:'''Judy''': ''[relieved, to Nick]'' Oh, that went so fast, I didn't get a chance to mention you, or say anything about how we--
:'''Nick''': ''[darkly]'' Oh, I think you said plenty.
:'''Judy''': What do you mean?
:'''Nick''': &quot;Clearly there's a biological component&quot;? &quot;These predators may be reverting back to their primitive, savage ways&quot;? Are you serious?
:'''Judy''': I just stated the facts of the case. I mean, it's not like a bunny could go savage.
:'''Nick''': Right. But a fox could, huh?
:'''Judy''': Nick, stop it. You're not like them.
:'''Nick''': ''[angrily]'' Oh, there's a ''&quot;them&quot;'' now?
:'''Judy''': ''[annoyed sigh]'' You know what I mean. You're not that kind of predator.
:'''Nick''': The kind that needs to be muzzled? (The kind you thought you have to manipulate or trick into helping you crack a case?) The kind that makes you think you need to carry around fox repellent? Yeah, don't think I didn't notice ''that'' little item the first time we met. So, l-let me ask you a question. Are you afraid of me? ''[Judy stares at Nick in disbelief, her nose slightly twitching in fear.]'' Do you think I might go nuts? You think I might go ''savage?'' You think I might try to... ''[jumps forward]'' '''''EAT YOU?!''''' ''[Judy gasps, instinctively jumps back and puts her hand over the fox repellent.]'' I knew it. ''[scoffs]'' Just when I thought somebody actually believed in me, huh? (You still think I'm a shifty, low life, worse, a savage.) ''[gives Judy back the application she gave him for the ZPD and leaves]'' Probably best if you don't have a predator as a partner.
:''[Judy looks at the application that is completely filled out, looks up, sees an offended Nick storming off, tearing off his badge sticker, and throwing it down on the ground. She becomes shocked.]''
:'''Judy''': No, Nick! Nick! ''[tries to follow Nick, but is blocked by the reporters]''
:'''Beaver reporter''': Officer Hopps, were you just threatened by that predator?
:'''Judy''': No, he’s my friend.
:'''Rabbit reporter''': We can't even trust our own friends?
:'''Judy''': That is not what I said. Please--!
:'''Beaver reporter''': Are we safe?
:'''Rabbit reporter''': Have any other foxes gone savage?
:''[The microphones are shoved closer to Judy, as questions are buzzed all around her, and she is taken by surprise as she loses Nick.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': More bad news in the city gripped by fear. A caribou is in critical condition, the victim of mauling by a savage polar bear. This, the 27th such attack, comes just one week after ZPD officer Judy Hopps connected the violence to traditionally predatory animals.
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Meanwhile, a peace rally organized by pop star Gazelle was marred by protest. ''[Gazelle is seen in front of a protest peace rally. Judy is seen between a frantic pig and a female leopard, trying to break up the argument.]''
:'''Frantic pig''': ''[with hostility]'' Go back to the forest, predator!
:'''Female leopard''': ''[holding up a sign; offended]'' I'm from the savannah!
:'''Gazelle''': ''[interviewed]'' Zootopia is a unique place. It's a crazy, beautiful diverse city where we celebrate our differences. ''[looks behind herself for a moment and gestures]'' This is not the Zootopia I know. ''[Judy is still standing between the frantic pig and the female leopard.]'' The Zootopia I know is better than this. We don't just blindly assign blame. ''[On a train, Judy sees a tiger sitting next to a bunny mother and child, playing on his phone placidly. The mother pulls the child close to her. The tiger's eyebrows narrow slightly. Judy looks on in shame.]'' We don't know why these attacks keep happening, but it is irresponsible to label all predators as savages.  ''[In the asylum, Mrs. Otterton sees her husband in his savage state, tethered to a pole in the middle of the room, snarling and pacing. Judy walks up to her and puts her hand on her shoulder.]''
:'''Mrs. Otterton''': ''[sadly]'' That's not my Emmitt. ''[Judy sadly looks at her; looks down and closes her eyes]''
:'''Gazelle''': We cannot let fear divide us. Please, give me back the Zootopia I love.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Come on, Hopps. The new mayor wants to see us. 
:'''Judy''': The mayor? Why?
:'''Chief Bogo''': It would seem you've arrived.
:'''Judy''': ''[follows Bogo, and sees Clawhauser packing his stuff because he was demoted]'' Clawhauser? What are you doing?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[sadly]'' Um, they thought it would be better if a predator, such as myself, wasn't the first face that you see when you walk into the ZPD.
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Clawhauser''': They're gonna move me to records. It's downstairs. It's by the boiler. ''[Clawhauser sadly walks off, Judy looks at him, upset and guilty. Bogo calls to her by the door.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Hopps!
:''[The scene changes to Bellwether’s office, where Judy is holding a ZPD poster displaying her smiling face. She puts it down and looks at Bellwether.]''
:'''Judy''': Um, I don't understand.
:'''Bellwether''': Our city is 90% prey, Judy, and right now, they're just really scared. You're a hero to them. They trust you. And so that's why Chief Bogo and I want you to be the public face of the ZPD. 
:'''Judy''': ''[looks at the cover and gives thought]'' I'm...not-- I'm not a hero. I came here to make the world a better place, but I think I broke it.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Don't give yourself so much credit, Hopps. The world has always been broken. That's why we need good cops. Like you.
:'''Judy''': With all due respect, sir, a good cop is supposed to serve and protect—help the city, not tear it apart. I don't deserve this badge. ''[takes off her badge]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[shocked]'' Hopps.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[also shocked]'' Judy, you've worked so hard to get here. It's what you wanted since you were a kid. You can't quit.
:'''Judy:''' ''[puts her badge on the desk]'' Thank you for the opportunity. ''[walks out of Bellwether's office, downcast]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy, now a carrot farmer, sees an adult Gideon Grey getting out of his pie truck.]''
:'''Judy''': Is that... Gideon Grey?
:'''Stu''': Yep! It sure is. We work with him now.
:'''Bonnie''': He's our partner, and we never would have considered it had you not opened our minds.
:'''Stu''': That's right, I mean Gid's turned into one of the top pastry chefs in the Tri-Burrows.
:'''Judy''': ''[amazed]'' That's-- That's really cool, you guys. ''[Gideon takes out pastries but looks up when he hears Judy.]'' Gideon Grey. I'll be darned.
:'''Gideon''': ''[sincerely]'' Hey, Judy. I would just like to say, I-I'm sorry for the way I behaved in my youth. I-I-I had a lot of self-doubt, and it manifested itself in the form of unchecked rage and aggression. I was a ''major jerk.''
:'''Judy''': Well, I know a thing or two about being a jerk. ''[smiles; Gideon takes out a tray of pies from his truck.]''
:'''Gideon''': ''[smiles]'' Anyhow, I-I brought y'all these pies.
:''[Judy, her parents, and Gideon watch some bunny kids running through a nearby field towards some flowers.]''
:'''Stu''': Hey, kids, don't you run through the ''Midnicampum holicithias!''
:'''Bunny kid''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! ''[he and the others stop running and move away from the flowers]''
:'''Gideon''': Well, now, ''there's'' a $4-word, Mr. H. My family always just called them &quot;Night Howlers&quot;.
:'''Judy''': I'm sor-- What did you say?
:'''Stu''': Oh, Gid's talking about those flowers, Judy. I use them to keep bugs off the produce. But I don't like the little ones going near 'em on account of your Uncle Terry.
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah, Terry ate one whole when we were kids and went completely nuts.
:'''Stu''': He bit the dickens out of your mother.
:'''Judy''': ''[putting the pieces together]'' A bunny ''can'' go savage.
:'''Bonnie''': Savage? Well, that's a strong word. But it did hurt like the devil.
:'''Stu''': Well, sure it did. There's a sizable divot in your arm. I'd call that savage.
:'''Judy''': ''[realizing the truth]'' Night Howlers aren't wolves. They’re flowers. The flowers are making the predators go savage. ''[gasps]'' That's it! That's what I've been missing! ''[races away towards Stu’s truck, then turns back]'' Oh! Keys! Keys, keys, keys! Hurry! Come on! ''[Stu tosses Judy the keys to his truck.]'' Thank you! I love you, bye! ''[gets in the truck, starts it up and races back towards Zootopia]''
:'''Stu''': You catch any of that, Bon?
:'''Bonnie''': Not one bit.
:'''Gideon''': Oh, that makes me feel a little bit better, I-I thought she was talking in tongues or something.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Judy has found Nick lounging near a bridge, and tries to reconcile with him.]''
:'''Judy''': Oh, Nick! Night Howlers aren't wolves. They're toxic flowers. I think someone is targeting predators on purpose and making them go savage.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically and still upset with Judy]'' Wow. ''[gets up]'' Isn't that interesting? ''[walks under the bridge, while Judy follows him]''
:'''Judy''': Wait, listen! I-I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't forgive me either. ''[Nick stops walking but doesn't look at Judy.]'' I was ignorant, and irresponsible, and small-minded. But predators shouldn't suffer because of my mistakes. I have to fix this. But I can't do it without you. ''[Nick still refuses to look at her.]'' And-- And after we're done, you can hate me. And tha-- ''[voice breaking]'' And that'll be fine, because I was a horrible friend, and I hurt you. ''[sobbing]'' And you-- And you can walk away knowing that you were right all along: I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.
:''[Everything is silent, except for Judy's quiet crying. Then, a recorded voice is heard; through the carrot pen]''
:'''Judy's Voice''': &quot;I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot; ''[Judy tearfully and incredulously looks at Nick. Nick holds up the carrot pen and replays Judy's words.]'' I really ''am'' just a dumb bunny.&quot;.
:'''Nick''': ''[stops recording, turns around and smiles]'' Don't worry, Carrots. I'll let you erase it...in 48 hours. ''[Judy tears up with joy, wipes away her tears and, emotionally exhausted, walks towards Nick.]'' All right, get in here. ''[Judy walks closer and leans her face on Nick's torso, still sobbing; Nick embraces her.]'' Okay. Oh, you bunnies. You're so emotional. There we go, deep breath. Are you just trying to steal the pen? Is that what this is? ''[Judy giggles and tries to grab the pen.]'' You ''are'' standing on my tail, though. Off, off-off-off.
:'''Judy''': Oh! I'm sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke Weaselton is selling bootleg movies to citizens.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[to a pedestrian]'' Well, hello. Step right up. Anything you need, I got it. All your favorite movies! I got movies that haven't even been released yet! ''[the pedestrian rightfully refuses]'' Hey, 15% off! 20! Make me an offer! Come on!
:'''Nick''': ''[shows up with Judy]'' Well, well, look who it is. The Duke of Bootleg.
:'''Weaselton''': What's it to you, Wilde? Shouldn't you be melting down a pawpsicle or something? ''[notices and recognizes Judy; smugly]'' Hey, if it isn't Flopsy the Copsy.
:'''Judy''': We both know those weren't moldy onions I caught you stealing. ''[sternly]'' What were you gonna do with those Night Howlers, Wesselton?
:'''Weaselton''': [[w:Frozen (2013 film)|It's Weaselton. Duke Weaselton]]. And I ain't talkin', rabbit. And there's nothin' you can do to make me.
:''[Judy and Nick give each other a look, as if to say, &quot;Desperate times call for desperate measures.&quot;, and the scene changes to Mr. Big's office.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Ice him.
:''[One polar bear dangles Duke over the ice pit.]''
:'''Weaselton''': ''[screams; to Nick]'' You dirty rat! Why are you helpin' her? She's a cop!
:'''Mr. Big''': And the godmother to my future granddaughter.
:'''Fru-Fru''': ''[pregnant]'' I'm gonna name her Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[sweetly]'' Ohh!
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[chuckles; becomes serious again]'' Ice this weasel.
:'''Weaselton''': ''[yelps]'' Alright, alright, please! I'll talk! I'll talk! I stole them Night Howlers so I could sell 'em. They offered me what I couldn't refuse: Money.
:'''Judy''': And to whom did you sell them?
:'''Weaselton''': A ram named Doug. We got a drop spot underground. Just watch it. Doug is the opposite of friendly. He's '''''un'''friendly.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After their subway car crashes and burns, Judy and Nick enter the Natural History Museum as a shortcut to the ZPD, with the case with the dart gun and the serum pellet inside as evidence. Suddenly, they stop because Bellwether is arriving with two sheep officials.]''
:'''Bellwether''': Judy! Judy!
:'''Judy''': Mayor Bellwether! We found out what's happening. Someone's darting predators with a serum. That's what's making them go savage.
:'''Bellwether''': I'm so proud of you, Judy. You did just a super job.
:'''Judy''': Thank you, ma'am. ''[starts to hand Bellwether the case, but suddenly, she takes it away in surprised suspicion]'' How did you know where to find us?
:'''Bellwether''': I'll go ahead, and I'll take that case now.
:'''Judy''': ''[uneasily]'' Uh, you know what? I think Nick and I will just take this to the ZPD.
:''[The duo are about to leave, but a giant ram blocks their way.]''
:'''Judy and Nick''': Run. 
:'''Bellwether''': ''[to her henchmen]'' Get them. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick have been thrown into a circular bird’s eye view exhibit by one of Bellwether's henchmen; the case was knocked out of their hands.]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs evilly, to Judy]'' Well, you should have just stayed at the carrot farm, huh? It really is too bad, I-I did like you.
:'''Judy''': What are you gonna do? '''''Kill''' me?!''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[laughs]'' No, of course not. ''[aims the dart gun at Nick, deviously]'' ''He'' is. ''[shoots Nick with the serum pellet; he falls to the floor, writhing]''
:'''Judy''': '''''No!''''' Oh, Nick!
:'''Bellwether''': ''[talks to the ZPD via cellphone, fake-panicked]'' Yes, police! There's a savage fox in the Natural History Museum! Officer Hopps is down! Please hurry!
:'''Judy''': No, Nick. Don't do this. Fight it.
:'''Bellwether''': Oh, but he can't help it, can he? Since preds are just biologically predisposed to be savages. ''[Nick appears to turn feral and attacks Judy. She tries to run away and defend herself by throwing a stuffed fawn at him. Judy then cowers by the wall.]'' Gosh. Think of the headline: &quot;Hero cop killed by savage fox&quot;. ''[Nick rips the fawn to pieces with his teeth.]''
:'''Judy''': So that's it? Prey fears predator and you stay in power?
:'''Bellwether''': Yeah. Pretty much.
:'''Judy''': It won't work!
:'''Bellwether''': Fear ''always'' works. And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.
:'''Judy''': ''[as Nick closes in on her, growling]'' Oh, Nick. No.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[chuckles evilly]'' Bye-bye, bunny.
:''[Nick locks his jaws on Judy's neck. Judy shrieks loudly. However, after a short pause, Nick releases her and smiles.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sticks out her tongue; theatrically]'' Bleh! Blood, blood, blood! And death.
:'''Nick''': ''[amused]'' All right, you know, you’re milking it. Besides, I think we got it. ''[to Bellwether]'' I think we got it. We got it up there, thank you, Yakety-Yak. You laid it all out beautifully.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[shocked and confused]'' What? 
:'''Nick''': Yeah, oh, are, are you looking for the serum? ''[pulls out the serum pellet from his pocket]'' Well, it's right here.
:'''Judy''': What you got in the weapon there? Those are blueberries. ''[Bellwether opens the pistol to find that it's loaded with blueberries.]'' From my family's farm.
:'''Nick''': ''[blows a kiss]'' There are delicious. You should try some.
:'''Bellwether''': ''[angrily grunts and closes the pistol]'' I framed Lionheart, I can frame you, too. It's my word against yours.
:'''Judy''': Ooh. Actually… ''[rewinds her recording pen]''
:'''Bellwether''': ''[on the recording]'' &quot;And I'll dart every predator in Zootopia to keep it that way.&quot;
:'''Judy''': It's ''your'' word against yours.
:'''Bellwether''': Huh?
:'''Judy''': It's called a hustle, sweetheart. Boom.
:''[Looking nervously, Bellwether tries to escape. However, she finds herself surrounded by Chief Bogo and the other Zootopia Police Department officers.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fabienne Growley''': Former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is behind bars today, guilty of masterminding the savage attacks that have plagued Zootopia of late. ''[showing Bellwether in an orange jumpsuit, in handcuffs, filled with contempt, as two Officers, Jackson and Krumpanski escort her through the crowd as photographers take pictures.]''
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': Her predecessor, Leodore Lionheart, denies any knowledge of her plot, claiming he was just trying to protect the city.
:'''Lionheart''': ''[being interviewed by a porcupine, Quilda]'' Did I falsely imprison those animals? Well, yes. Yes, I did. It was a classic &quot;doing the wrong thing for the right reason&quot; kind of a deal.
:'''Fabienne Growley''': In related news, doctors say the Night howler antidote is proving effective in rehabilitating the afflicted predators.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Judy''': When I was a kid, I thought Zootopia was this perfect place, where everyone got along, and anyone could be anything. Turns out, real life is a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations, we all make mistakes, which means - hey, glass half full! - We all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what type of animal you are, from the biggest elephant to our first fox, I implore you - try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with all of us.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chief Bogo''': All right, all right, enough. '''''Shut it!''''' ''[The officers sit down.]'' We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. ''[Nick is seen sitting next to Judy on the same chair she's standing on.]'' Who cares?
:'''Nick''': Heh. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.
:'''Chief Bogo''': Shut your mouth, Wilde! ''[Judy and the officers snicker, and Bogo takes out his glasses and the files.]'' Assignments: Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer, Delgato; Tundratown SWAT. ''[The officers stand up and leave.]'' Snarlov, Higgins, Wolfard; undercover. ''[Snarlov puts on a green cap, Higgins puts on a fake mustache, and Wolfard puts on a sheep costume, and they leave.]'' Hopps, Wilde... parking duty. Dismissed. ''[Judy and Nick look shocked, as if saying &quot;What?!&quot;. Then Bogo smiles.]'' Just kidding. ''[becomes serious again]'' We have reports of a street racer tearing up Savannah Central. Find him, shut him down.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are on their first patrol as a team.]''
:'''Nick''': So, are all rabbits bad drivers, or is it just you? 
:''[Judy playfully slams on the brakes, making Nick lurch forward.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[slyly]'' Oops. Sorry.
:'''Nick''': ''[pulls off a pawpsicle that got stuck to his face from the impact; chuckles]'' Sly bunny.
:'''Judy''': Dumb fox!
:'''Nick''': You know you love me.
:'''Judy''': Do I know that? ''[smiles warmly]'' Yes. Yes, I do.
:''[The light changes to green, and before they can move, a red car with tinted windows zooms past them. Nick and Judy take notice and smirk at each other. Nick puts on his shades and turns on the siren. Judy hits the pedal, and they chase after the car. They manage to pull over the speeding motorist and walk up to the car.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, you were going 115 miles per hour. I hope you have a good explanation.
:''[The window rolls down, revealing Flash the sloth.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[surprised]'' Well, well! Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash!
:'''Flash''': ''[slowly smiles, sheepishly]'' Nick!

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the urban jungle
* That's pretty foxy. (German teaser poster)
* The queen of investigation (French Judy poster)
* The king of scams (French Nick poster)

==Cast==
*'''[[w:Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]''' — Judy Hopps
** '''Kallan Holley''' (young)
*'''[[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]''' — Nick Wilde
** '''{{w|Kath Soucie}}''' (young)
*'''[[Idris Elba]]''' — Chief Bogo
*'''[[w:Jenny Slate|Jenny Slate]]''' — Dawn Bellwether
*'''[[w:Nate Torrence|Nate Torrence]]''' — Benjamin Clawhauser
*'''[[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]]''' — Bonnie Hopps
*'''[[w:Don Lake|Don Lake]]''' — Stu Hopps
*'''[[w:Tommy Chong|Tommy Chong]]''' — Yax
*'''[[w:J. K. Simmons|J.K. Simmons]]''' — Mayor Lionheart
*'''[[w:Octavia Spencer|Octavia Spencer]]''' — Mrs. Otterton
*'''[[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]]''' — Duke Weaselton
*'''[[Shakira]]''' — Gazelle
*'''[[w:Tom Lister Jr.|Tom Lister Jr.]]''' — Finnick
*'''[[w:Raymond S. Persi|Raymond S. Persi]]''' — Flash Slothmore

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Films about sheep]]
[[Category:Films about otters]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rich Moore]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>186477</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951606</id>
      <parentid>3949456</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:10:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951606</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11039" sha1="mhf8mun73pjkiaowd5vyvuu2nlp6125" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island|Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998 film]] about the gang reuniting to find true supernatural phenomena.
:''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Glenn Leopold|Glenn Leopold]].
{{center|'''This time, the monsters are real!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Dog? Where?

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Like, it's Mr. Beeman, the real estate agent.

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* My! Lena wasn't kidding. This place is crawling with cats.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* And those zombies are just the poor souls you drained. They were just trying to warn us so we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did.

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Yeah! He was printing millions of counterfeit dollars in the basement with his printing press. What we originally thought was Moldova, was really green ink. ''[removed the gloves, revealing it to be green ink]'' See.

==Simone Lenoir==
* ''[about Scooby]'' Who brought this... this... dog?!
* We do not have television on my island.
* Get this beast off of me!
* ''[revealing her true nature]'' Very clever, Velma, but it's too late. ''[chuckles evilly]''
* These wax dolls do come in handy. ''[chuckles sinisterly]''
* I've been getting away with it for 200 years. ''[chuckles evilly]''
* ''[explaining her true plot]'' Ah, it's simple. Every harvest moon, I must drain the life force from victims lured to my island to preserve my immortality.
* ''[last words]'' I've had enough of that meddling...dog!

==Lena Dupree==
* My name is Lena. Lena Dupree.
* ''[gasps, referring to Scooby]'' I didn't know you had a dog.
* ''[revealing her true nature]'' Sorry, Freddy. I really do like you.
* ''[referring to Scooby and Shaggy]'' Sounds like Jacques has found your frightened friends. 
* I've had years of practice.
* ''[last words]'' Jacques is in trouble!

==Jacques==
* I'm happy to see y'all. ''[chuckles evilly and transforms into a were-cat]''
* Oh, quit yer grovelin', Snakebite.
* ''[last words]'' Going somewhere? What's the matter, cat got your tongue? ''[growling]''

== Dialogue ==
:''[Velma unmasks the moat Monster, revealing it to be none other than...]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[gasps]'' Like, it's Mr. Beeman, the real estate agent.
:'''Scooby''': Mr. Beeman?
:'''Velma''': Yeah! He was printing millions of counterfeit dollars in the basement with his printing press. What we originally thought was Moldova, was really green ink. ''[Velma removed the gloves, revealing it to be green ink]'' See.
:'''Mr. Beeman''': Ugh... And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for that big dog and you meddling kids!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': I need a real, live ghost.
:'''Velma''': That's an oxymoron, Daph.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': My! Lena wasn't kidding. This place is crawling with cats.
:'''Scooby''': Rats? Rats!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Simone''': ''[points to Scooby for crashing into her while chasing after one of her cats]'' Who brought this... this... dog?!
:'''Scooby''': Dog? Where?
:'''Daphne''': I'm terribly sorry. We should have held onto him better. I'm Daphne Blake, of ''&quot;Coast to Coast.&quot;'' You know, the TV show?
:'''Simone''': We do not have television on my island. Lena, what are they doing here?
:'''Lena''': It's all my fault, Ms. Lenoir. I heard these folks say they wanted to see a real haunted house. So I thought...
:'''Simone''': You might show them mine. I see. Really, Lena.
:'''Daphne''': But your house is simply beautiful, Ms. Lenoir. Isn't it, Fred?
:'''Fred''': Picture, perfect.
:'''Simone''': It has been in my family for generations. It was a pepper plantation. Some of the hottest peppers in Louisiana grow on this island.
:'''Shaggy''': We've hit the proverbial chili pepper jackpot!
:'''Velma''': So, Ms. Lenoir, is your house really...
:'''Simone''': Haunted? Yes. It is an old house with restless spirits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Wow, a real case of levitation. This just gets better and better.
:'''Velma''': Maybe from where you're standing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Freddie, what on Earth are you doing?
:'''Fred''': Uh, Scooby and Shaggy...
:'''Shaggy''': ...Saw another ghost. ''[opens the door]'' In here.
:'''Daphne''': I don't see anything.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, in the mirror. It's some civil war guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Fred''': ''[trying to yank off a zombie's &quot;mask&quot;]'' It's the gardener! 
:'''Daphne''': No. 
:'''Fred''': It's the fisherman! 
:'''Shaggy''': No.  
:'''Fred''': It's the ferryman! 
:'''Scooby''': Ro. 
:'''Fred''': Maybe it's... ''[rips the zombie's head off]'' real? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Daphne''': Where are we?
:'''Velma''': Looks to me like a place for voodoo rituals. ''[suspiciously]'' But why don't we just ask... ''Lena?''
:'''Fred''': What are you talking about?
:'''Velma''': Her story about Simone getting dragged by zombies wasn't true. I saw the footprints of Simone's heels. She wasn't dragged; she ''walked'' down that tunnel!
:''[The roof grate opens]''
:'''Simone''': ''[steps out of the shadows; revealing her true colors]'' Very clever, Velma... but it's too late. ''[chuckles sinisterly, then holds up the wax voodoo dolls of Daphne and Velma, sending them back up against the wall]''
:'''Lena''': ''[to Fred; also revealing '''her''' true colors]'' Sorry, Freddy. I really ''do'' like you. ''[sends him flying back up against the wall with a wax voodoo doll of him]''
:'''Fred''': What would you do if you didn't like me?
:'''Beau''': Hey! ''[Lena holds up a wax voodoo doll of him and sends him flying back with the others]''
:''[The two women tie up the voodoo doll's arms and legs together, trapping them]''
:'''Velma''': ''[gasps]'' Voodoo dolls!
:'''Simone''': These wax dolls do come in handy.
:'''Velma''': So that's where the cleaning cloth for my glasses went! ''[to Beau; grunts]'' Sorry I suspected you.
:'''Beau''': Apology… ''[grunts]'' accepted.
:'''Simone''': The harvest moon will soon reach the midnight point on this moondial, and then the ceremony will begin.
:'''Fred''': What ceremony?
:'''Daphne''': ''[grunting; threatening]'' You won't get away with this!
:'''Simone''': I've been getting away with it for ''200 years. [snickers and gains were-cat features; the captives gasp]''
:'''Fred''': At least, Scoob and Shaggy are still free... maybe.
:'''Lena''': ''[also with were-cat features]'' I heard that, Fred! Those two simpletons? We didn't even bother making wax dolls of them! Ha! A waste of time and magic wax!
:'''Fred''': Just what are you planning to do to us?
:'''Simone''': Ah, it's simple: Every harvest moon, I must drain the life force from victims lured to my island, to preserve my immortality.
:'''Daphne''': This is more haunted stuff than I really wanted.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma''': If you're as old as you say you are, then I'll bet you're the one who found Morgan Moonscar's treasure.
:'''Simone''': ''Morgan Moonscar! [Flashback starts; voice-over]'' He was the cause of all this. I was one of a group of settlers who made this island our home. We looked to our Cat God for a bountiful harvest. Until that night, when ''he'' came ashore. ''[the islanders all dance and party when Morgan and his crew appear and attack before Past Simone and Lena run away]'' He drove the islanders into the bayou. All except for Lena and myself. ''[Past Simone and Lena gasp in horror as they watch the islanders run into the bayou and get eaten alive by a group alligators; the two pray to the Cat God in a secret passage way, seeking revenge on Morgan and his crew]'' We uttered a curse on the pirates, to destroy them as they had destroyed our island. Our wish was granted. ''[Past Simone and Lena transform into were-cats and leave the cave before coming across Morgan and his crew digging a hole in the ground to put a treasure chest inside]'' We became cat creatures and destroyed the pirates. ''[Morgan screams; flashback fades]'' Only afterwards, did we discover that invoking the Cat God's power had cursed us as well.
:''[Flashback resumes]''
:'''Lena''': ''[voice-over]'' Over the years, boats continue to come to our island. One was full of spice traders who started a pepper plantation. The plantation flourished--
:'''Simone''': At least, until the Harvest Moon. ''[A man screams; flashback fades]'' Sometimes, it became necessary for Lena to lure outsiders back to the island.
:'''Fred''': ''[realizing]'' Just like you lured ''us.''
:'''Lena''': I've had ''years'' of practice.
:'''Daphne''': And those zombies are just the poor souls you drained. They were just trying to warn us so we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did.
:'''Simone''': Pretty smart for a television reporter.
:''[Snarling is heard from above]''
:'''Lena''': Sounds like Jacques has found your frightened friends.
:'''Fred''': Jacques?
:'''Simone''': We needed a ferry driver. The old man wanted immortality, so we gave it to him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Lena, Simone, and Jacques corner the Mystery Gang and Beau, they suddenly start to disintegrate and shriek in pain]''
:'''Velma''': ''[looking at the moon dial]'' Looks like your nine lives are up!
:''[The shadow on the moon dial has passed the midnight alignment, expiring their curse, and Lena, Simone, and Jacques have fully disintegrated into nothing but dust and bones, instantly destroyed]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[as the zombies start disintegrating into their spirits]'' Zoinks! Like, what's happening to them? 
:'''Velma''': Their spirits have been avenged, Shaggy. So they can finally rest in peace.
:'''Jackson T. Pettigrew's ghost''': Thank y'all...

== Cast ==
* [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]]
* [[w:Billy West|Billy West]] — [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy Rogers]]
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] — [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne Blake]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]]
* [[w:B.J. Ward (actress)|B.J. Ward]] — [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]]
* [[Adrienne Barbeau]] — Simone Lenoir
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] – Lena Dupree
* [[w:Cam Clarke|Cam Clarke]] – Detective Beau Neville
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] – Jacques
* [[Mark Hamill]] – Snakebite Scruggs
* [[w:Jennifer Leigh Warren|Jennifer Leigh Warren]] – Chris
* [[w:Ed Gilbert|Ed Gilbert]] – Mr. Beeman

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0166792|title=Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:1998 animated films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Zombie comedy films]]
[[Category:Films set in New Orleans]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional islands]]
[[Category:Animated horror films]]
[[Category:Films about Voodoo]]
[[Category:Southern Gothic films]]


{{film-stub}}</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>186479</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951607</id>
      <parentid>3949466</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:11:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="11185" sha1="2ptnikd9uab4og53k2hmxub98b08onk" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost|Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] about Scooby-Doo and the gang, who visit Oakhaven, Massachusetts to seek strange goings on involving a mysterious horror novelist and his ancestor who is rumored be a witch.
:''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by Glenn Leopold.
{{center|'''Mysteries as old as mankind.'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Gobble, gobble, gobble!
* Like, that would've been a &quot;hot&quot; bestseller.

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* You've been reading too many of your own horror stories, Ravencroft.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Why go through this elaborate scheme? Why not just ask us to find the book?

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Ben Ravencroft's last book is one the world will never buy.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Ben''': Now where was I? Dreadful darkness, hear my cry, bring back one who cannot die! Let the witch who perished here live again and reappear! ''[The green lightning strikes the ground and big rocks appear, throwing the gang as Ben laughs evilly. Scooby and Shaggy walk and get trapped in the wagon wheel. The evil ghost faces appear to form a tornado as Ben laughs evily and the ghostly figure of Sarah Ravencroft appears. She floats down]''
:'''Ben''': In my wildest dreams, I could never have imagined such an imposing creature. 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thank thee, thou canst not know what my bondage hath been like. Who art thou?
:'''Ben''': Ben Ravencroft, your descendant from the modern world.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Modern? Not much seems to have changed. 
:'''Mayor Corey''': Please don't hurt us!
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': The same pathetic peasants, grovelling for their puny lives. 
:'''Ben''': But, (''Sarah slaps Ben's hand away from her hand'') Sarah, I want to become more powerful, like you.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') Thou jest.
:'''Ben''': But it was I who released you, you should serve me.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I serve no one, leastwise a worm-like thee. Aye, thou has freed me, so now I can punish the world for my long imprisonment.(''Sarah uses her evil magic vapor to make all things decay and turn to ash'') I shall create an era of darkness over this land! (''laughing evilly'')
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': L- like we're goners, Scoob! (''pull themselves out of the wagon wheel before it turns into ash by a magic vapor'')
:'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': Aaah!
:'''Ben''': (''gasps'') This isn't what I envisioned. We were supposed to rule the world together, not destroy it!
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I care not for thy whims. Cross my path and I shall destroy thee along with thy world!
:'''Ben''': But I have the book! And I will return you back into the book. Ancient evil get thee hence. Only good can recompense for the- 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') Thinkest thou art a Wiccan? Only a virtuous soul can imprison me. (''traps Ben into the green energy sphere, laughing evilly'') 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thou shall pay for thine impudence. 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Thine mockery shall be thy last. 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Bring me the book. 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': (''Laughing evilly'') 
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': The book is useless to a mere mortal.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Nay, I'll stop thee myself.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': No, not again.
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I won't go back alone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Do my bidding bird, get them!
:[''She enlarges a turkey and sends it after Shaggy and Scooby'']
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': A turkey? ''(he and Scooby laugh)'' Even we're not scared of that- ''(Scooby Doo stops laughing as they see the turkey)''
:'''Scooby Doo''': Huh?
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': (Scooby Doo screams) Like, now we are! Yikes!
:[''They run off, as the giant turkey gives the chase.'']
:'''Scooby Doo and Shaggy Rogers''': Aaaah! Yikes! (run faster as Sarah Ravencroft laughs evilly)
:[''They scream, run and enter the house, but the turkey is too big. Then Shaggy and Scooby run away but miss him.'']
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Gobble, gobble, gobble! '' (Sarah appears behind them)''
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': I believe thou hast something that is mine! ''(she blasts the door)''
:'''Giant turkey''': Uh-oh.
:[''The door slams into the turkey, making it dizzy as the turkey then sees Shaggy and Scooby with the stuffing.'']
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Like, got the stuffing, Scoob?
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Reah.
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Time to baste this bird.
:[''The turkey screams and sends itself fly.'']
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': ''(laughs)'' I guess he didn't have the right stuff, ol' buddy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[''Shaggy throws a bucket of water at Sarah Ravencroft'']
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': What...was that?
:'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': You're not melting! Like, it worked in ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]''!
:'''Sarah Ravencroft''': Fool, I shall destroy thee!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma Dinkley''': You won't get away with this, Ben Ravencroft!
:'''Ben &quot;Benjamin&quot; Ravencroft''': Why? Because of you meddling kids?
:'''Fred &quot;Frederick&quot; Jones''': Hey, we're not kids!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ben''': ''(surprised to see Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight outside his study)'' Mayor?
:'''Mayor Corey''': We've been ringing your doorbell for some time and...
:'''Ben''': ''(approaching them)'' Oh, sorry about that. I've been meaning to fix that thing for years. What's up, Mayor?
:'''Mayor Corey''': Well, Ben. I feel really bad about everything and I want to apologize for using your ancestor in our little publicity stunt.
:'''Mr. McKnight''': Yeah, the tourist trade was so slow, we were desperate.
:'''Mayor Corey''': Right and you once told me that supernatural phenomenon always attracts people.
:'''Mr. McKnight''': It was just natural to use Sarah in all this...we accidentally dug up her grave.
:'''Ben''': ''(astounded)'' What grave?!
:'''Mayor Corey''': I'm sorry, Ben. But you see, I lied to you when you asked me if we found anything of Sarah's while we were building the Puritan village.
:'''Mr. McKnight''': We did; it was her grave marker. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''' (noticing the book's cover is not innocent): Looks kind of evil to belong to a wiccan healer. 
:'''Velma''': Ben, that doesn't seem to be a journal at all.
:'''Ben''': ''(reveals his true colors)'' Because it isn't, Velma. It's a spellbook!
:'''Velma''': ''(gasps)''
:'''Ben''': You see, Sarah wasn't a Wiccan. She was indeed a witch!
:'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': ''(gasp)''
:'''Thorn, Luna, and Dusk''': ''(gasp)''
:'''Thorn''': A real witch?
:'''Dusk''': Heavy.
:'''Ben''': And since Sarah's blood runs in my veins, I guess that makes me... a warlock!
:'''Shaggy''': ''(whimpers)''
:'''Scooby''': Warlock?
:'''Ben''': The Wiccans imprisoned Sarah in her own spellbook, and you helped me find it.
:'''Velma''': You lied to me, Ben!
:'''Ben''': Well, gee. I had to. I've been searching for years, then I read about your exploits. ''(in a flashback)'' I knew if anyone could help me find the book, it was you and your friends. I orchestrated the whole mummy scheme, paying off the archaeologists ''(Perkins and Griswald)'' and the security guards just to lure you to the museum so we could meet. ''(back in the present)'' ''(chuckles evilly)'' Yes, Velma. I tricked you into helping me, and it worked.
:'''Fred''': ''(to Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight)'' And you were in on Ben's plan, too!
:'''Mayor Corey''': Huh? No! We're as surprised as you are, uh, honest!
:'''Ben''': For once, he's telling the truth. That stupid fake ghost was the town's idea, but it did work to my advantage.
:'''Daphne''': Why go through this elaborate scheme? Why not just ask us to find the book?
:'''Velma''': I know why. If we knew what that book was, we would never have helped him!
:'''Ben''': But even you can't imagine the real power of this book. No mere mortal can.
:'''Fred''': You've been reading too many of your own horror stories, Ravencroft.
:'''Ben''': A typical mortal response, but I am descended from a superior breed. I shall unlock the power of the imprisoned Sarah Ravencroft!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I don't like the sound of this!
:'''Scooby''': Me either!
:'''Ben''': Together, we shall reign supreme. Let the evil from the past, breathe again with fiery blast!
:'''Velma Dinkley''': No!
:'''Ben''': Let the dark wind whip the night to blow away the force of light! 
:'''Shaggy''': I know what comes next, Buddy. Big trouble!
:'''Ben''': Now, I summon ancient power! 
:'''Velma Dinkley''': Ben, please stop!
:'''Ben''': This is evil's finest hour! (''Laughs evilly'')
:'''Velma Dinkley''': No!
:'''Ben''': What's the matter, Velma? Don't you like the new improved Ben Ravencroft?
:'''Velma Dinkley''': No, frankly, I don't!
:'''Ben''': Well, get used to it.
:'''Mayor Corey and Mr. McKnight''': (''Scream'')
:'''Ben''': Leaving so soon? (''Captures the Mayor and Mr. McKnight'') The party's just beginning!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Thorn, Luna, and Dusk''': '''(Playing the Guitar And Singing)''' Hex Girls I'm gonna be spell on you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Velma Dinkley''': Ben Ravencroft's last book is one the world will never buy.
:'''Daphne Blake''': Thank goodness.
:'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': Like, that would've been a &quot;hot&quot; bestseller.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayor Corey''': I think we need a &quot;bigger&quot; attraction.
:'''Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers''': Uh, mayor? (points to the giant turkey)

== Cast ==
* [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — Scooby-Doo and Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers
* [[Frank Welker]] — Fred &quot;Frederick&quot; Jones and Turkey
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] — Daphne Blake, Witch’s Ghost and Girl
* [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma Dinkley
* [[Tim Curry]] — Ben &quot;Benjamin&quot; Ravencroft
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Sarah Ravencroft
* [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] — Thorn/Sally McKnight and Butter Churner
* [[w:Jane Wiedlin|Jane Wiedlin]] — Dusk
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] — Luna
* [[w:Neil Ross|Neil Ross]] — Mayor Corey/Exhibit Voice 
* [[w:Peter Reneday|Peter Reneday]] — Mr. McKnight
* [[w:Jamie Alcroft|Jamie Alcroft]] - Dr. Dean
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] - Perkins
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] - The Giant Turkey
* [[w:Buster Jones|Buster Jones]] - Tourist #1
* [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] - Tourist #2
* [[w:Jill Talley|Jill Talley]] - Pilgrim Woman
* [[w:Bob Joles|Bob Joles]] - Jack

== Tagline ==
* Mysteries as old as mankind. Witchcraft. Ghosts. Talking dogs.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0196931|title=Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:1999 American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Films about musical groups]]


{{film-stub}}</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>186592</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951608</id>
      <parentid>3949518</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:11:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951608</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3116" sha1="krymphrl2np74wvqqttylk8plncvpbo" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders|Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders]]''''' in 93 minutes release by 20th Century Fox is a [[w:2000 in film|2000 film]] about the gang encountering possible extraterrestrials.
:''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Glenn Leopold|Glenn Leopold]].
{{film-stub}}
== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Zoinks! Those are the girls!
* Zoinks! You can talk? [Amber: Yes, quite well.] Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog!

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* Imagine that.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber!

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Look at them!

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Max''': '''YEOW!'''
:'''Laura''': Huh? What happened?
:'''Max''': I got a blast from something.
:'''Laura''': ''[walks over and peers at the meter]'' Yeah, you're right. It's over 120 on the meter.
:'''Max''': [puts his headset back on searching for the signal] I don't hear it anymore.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Scooby, Shaggy, those aliens are Crystal and Amber!
:'''Scooby &amp; Shaggy''': ''[surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Shaggy''': ''[confused]'' What are you talking about?
:'''Velma''': Look at them!
:'''Scooby &amp; Shaggy''': ''[look at Crystal &amp; Amber and Shaggy recognizes the piece symbol necklace still around Crystal's neck]''
:'''Crystal''': Shaggy, help!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[shocked]'' Zoinks! Those ''are'' the girls!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crystal''': [after she and Amber have revealed themselves to be aliens and changed back] I have another confession...
:'''Shaggy''': Like, I know. You're not a government agent.
:'''Crystal''': Well actually, we are. But not from Earth. We were sent by our world to investigate signals from your planet.
:'''Amber''': Transmitted from the south station.
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! You can talk?
:'''Amber''': Yes, quite well.
:'''Shaggy''': Dig that, Scoob! A talking dog!
:'''Scooby Doo''': ''[surprised]'' Ryeah!
:'''Fred''': ''[dryly, to Velma and Daphne]'' Imagine that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we're just completely destroyed. That's all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': Get away from us!

== Cast ==
* Scott Innes — Scooby, Shaggy
* Mary Kay Bergman — Daphne
* [[Frank Welker]] — Fred
* [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma
* Jeff Bennett — Lester
* Jennifer Hale — Dottie
* [[Mark Hamill]] — Steve
* Candi Milo — Crystal and Amber
* Kevin Michael Richardson — Max and Aliens
* Neil Ross — Sergio and Buck
* Audrey Wasilewski — Laura

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0253658|title=Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:2000 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>186602</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951609</id>
      <parentid>3950404</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:11:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase|Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001 film]] about Scooby and the gang getting trapped in a video game created for them, and they must fight against the 'Phantom Virus'.
:''Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Written by [[w:Joseph Barbera|Joseph Barbera]].
{{center/s}}'''Like, compu-zoinks!'''&amp;nbsp; {{center/e}}
{{film-stub}}
== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* You're me! ['''Cyber Shaggy''': And, like, you're me!]
* Scooby-Doos! ['''Cyber Shaggy''': Where are you!]
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
*Nice ascot. ['''Cyber Fred''': Works for me.]
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Did I really wear that years ago? ['''Cyber Daphne''': That jacket with that skirt?]
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* You're the characters in Eric's video game. ['''Cyber Velma''': And you're from the real world!]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Both Shaggys''': Zoinks!
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': You're me!
:'''Cyber Shaggy''': And, like, you're me!
:'''Velma Dinkley''': You're the characters in Eric's video game.
:'''Cyber Velma''': And you're from the real world!
:'''Both Velmas''': Jinkies!
:'''Daphne Blake''': ''[after looking at her Cyber character's wardrobe]'' Did I really wear that years ago?
:'''Cyber Daphne''': ''[after looking at her real counterpart's wardrobe]'' That jacket with that skirt?
:'''Both Daphnes''': Hmm...
:'''Fred Jones''': ''[complimenting his Cyber character's wardrobe]'' Nice ascot.
:'''Cyber Fred''': ''[chuckles]'' Works for me.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fred''': [while riding in the &quot;classic&quot; Mystery Machine] Wow, this is [[Nostalgia|nostalgic]]! I miss this old van.
:'''Cyber Fred''': In Cyber World, things never get old. It's pretty cool. There's a lot to like in Cyber World. There's stores, theaters, and parks, and lots of tasty food.
:'''Scooby''': Reah.
:'''Daphne''': But what about all the monsters and villains?
:'''Cyber Shaggy''': We haven't seen any. They're probably guarding the Scooby Snacks.
:'''Velma''': You mean, you guys don't know where the Scooby Snacks are?
:'''Cyber Velma''': We know where they are. There's just no reason go after them, because even if we get the Scooby Snacks, we'd just go right back to the beginning of the game.
:'''Cyber Daphne''': And we like it here.
:'''Cyber Shaggy''': Until you guys showed up with that Phantom Virus, that is.
:'''Velma''': We would gladly get rid of him for you.
:'''Cyber Daphne''': If we could.
:'''Fred''': You know, if all ten of us team up, the Phantom Virus wouldn't stand a chance.
:'''Cyber Fred''': [in agreement] Yeah!
:'''Cyber Shaggy''': [after giving this some thought] Well, I guess we gonna go after the Scooby Snax eventually.
:'''Daphne Blake''': [to the cyber gang] So you'll help?
:'''Cyber Fred''': Count us in!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Scooby-Doos!
:'''Cyber Shaggy''': Where are you?
:'''Daphne''': I wonder where they are.
:'''Both Scoobys''': Rover here!
:'''Both Velmas''': There they are!
:'''Both Shaggys''': Come on, Scooby!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Officer Wembley''': ''[handcuffs Bill]'' Okay, son, it's all over. 
:'''Eric''': Bill, you were my best friend. 
:'''Professor Kaufman''': And my best student. 
:'''Bill''': But you didn't pick my project.
:'''Eric''':  What's that supposed to mean? 
:'''Bill''': Professor Kaufman chose your video design over mine, even though I've been here 2 years longer.
:'''Professor Kaufman''': Students are all equal, Bill. 
:'''Velma''': So, you invented the phantom virus, hoping it would scare Eric away.
:'''Bill''': That's right, and it worked, till you guys showed up. 
:'''Fred''': You were afraid that we would find out who created the virus. 
:'''Shaggy''': So you beamed us into cyberspace.
:'''Bill''': ''[as Officer Wembley takes him away]'' The prize would've been all mine, if it wasn't for... 
:'''Mystery Inc.''': Us meddling kids.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Your turn, Scoob. What's your favorite part of &quot;Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase&quot;?
:'''Scooby''': Ra raser.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Scott Innes|Scott Innes]] — Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Cyber-Scooby, Cyber-Shaggy
* [[Frank Welker]] — Fred, Cyber-Fred, Gladiator Lion
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne, Cyber-Daphne
* [[w:B.J. Ward|B.J. Ward]] — Velma, Cyber-Velma
* [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] - Officer Wembley
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] -  Eric Staufer
* [[w:Mikey Kelley|Mikey Kelley]] - Bill McLemore
* [[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]] - Professor Robert Kaufman
* [[w:Gary Anthony Stugris|Gary Anthony Stugris]] - Phantom Virus

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0290057|title=Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:2001 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Science fantasy films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about computer security]]
[[Category:Animated films about video games]]
[[Category:Animated films about technology]]
[[Category:Animated films about virtual reality]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Home on the Range (2004 film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Home on the Range (2004 film)|Home on the Range]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004 animated film]] from [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] about four [[w:holstein cow|dairy cow]]s are Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, [[w:Clarabelle Cow|Clarabelle Cow]] and Grace in the [[W:American west|American west]] of [[w:Wyoming|Wyoming]] who must capture an infamous [[W:cattle rustler|cattle rustler]] named Alameda Slim for his bounty in order to save their idyllic farm from foreclosure. Aiding them in their quest is Lucky Jack, a feisty, peg-legged [[W:White-tailed jackrabbit|jackrabbit]], and a selfish [[w:chestnut (horse_color)|chestnut]] [[W:mustang|mustang]] [[w:Stallion|stallion]] named Buck, eagerly working in the service of Rico, a famous bounty hunter, seeks the glory for himself.
:''Directed by [[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]] and John Sanford. Written by [[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]] and John Sanford.''
{{center|'''Bust a Moo.'''}}

==Buck==
*''[from trailer]'' Let's not put the cows before the horse.

==Junior the Buffalo==
*Cows only.

==Audrey==
* You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines; Logos: Walt Disney Pictures; music starts]''
:'''Male Singers''': ''Out in the land where the men are tough as cactus''
:''Out in the land where the﻿ wild, wild west was won''
:''Out in the land of the desperado''
:''If yer as soft as an avocado''
:''Yee-ha! Yer guacamole, son!''
:''Home, home, this ain't it, pal!''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, better go git, pal!''
:''You ain't home on the range''
:''Out in the land where the weak are target practice''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek''
:''Home,﻿ home, home on the range''
:''Out where the bad are a whole lot badder''
:''If yer the type with a nervous bladder, yip! Yow!''
:''saddle's gonna reek!''
:''Cause﻿ you ain't home on the range''
:''Cowboy, yer really up the creek!''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:'''Maggie''': ''[narrates]''  Home on the range. Once upon a time, I had a home on the range, But not anymore. Well, it's no use crying over spilled milk. Speaking of which, that's me. I'm the cow. ''[Fly buzzing and approaches to Maggie]'' Yeah, they're real, quit staring. I'm sort of between homes right now. I lost my old place... thanks to the meanest bunch of cattle rustlers in the west... ''[scene cuts to night, where Alameda Slim and his gang]'' Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers' Gang. ''[as Alameda Slim yodels and the cows start mooing and they got captured from Maggie's ranch]'' Somehow, they stole the whole herd... right out from under our noses and then they disappeared without a trace. ''[Abner sees the cows are missing and taken away by Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers then he sees Maggie from the trance, then he takes Maggie out from his barn to another place]'' After that... poor old Abner couldn't afford to keep the place... or me, either, for that matter Well, no matter how bad things get, there's probably somebody worse off. ''[Maggie sees Lucky Jack that the snake was eaten his head, and runs to the cactus]'' That guy, for instance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': We are not following this wagon, and that is final.
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, Calloway. It'll be ''fun''. ''[elbows her]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Did you just hit me?!
:'''Maggie''': ''[elbows her again]'' Kinda?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, stop it.
:'''Maggie''': ''[elbows her once again]'' WHY?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Because I don't like it. ''[Maggie teases her, then pushes her, causing her hat to fall into a small mud puddle]''
:'''Grace''': ''[pause; Mrs. Calloway gets angry at Maggie]'' Oh, no! Not the hat!
:'''Maggie''': What? What about the... ''[Mrs. Calloway shoves her to another mud puddle. She puts her at back on and wipes the mud off, but Maggie shoves her back]''
:'''Grace''': All right, all right, violence is not going to solve anything. Why don't we all take a deep cleansing breath...''[Mrs. Calloway and Maggie begin to mud wrestle as Grace slinks away]''
:'''Rusty''': Hey, now! Mud wrestling! ''[gets mud splashed on him]''
:'''Buck''': ''[laughs as mud gets on Rico's saddle]'' Hey, hey, watch the saddle. ''[wipes the mud off the saddle with his tail]''
:''[Inside his office, Sam and Rico watch Maggie and Mrs. Calloway's fight outside]''
:'''Sam''': What in tarnation? ''[grabs his rope]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Maggie, for the last time, I will not be roped into this scheme! ''[gets lassoed along with Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Sam''': Come on, you crazy heifers! Come on! Dagnabit! ''[ties the cows to the back of the chuckwagon belonging to a Chinese rider]'' Hey, partner, curb your livestock. This town is clean!
:'''Chinese Rider''': ''[speaking Chinese]'' Wow! Free cows! What a country! Giddy-up!
:'''Maggie''': Not exactly what I had in mind, but this'll work.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, it doesn't work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The cows look at Maggie's old home filled with trophies]''
:'''Grace''': What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
:'''Maggie''': She'll be okay.
:'''Grace''': How do you know?
:'''Maggie''': You're looking at her.
:'''Grace''': This was ''your'' farm?
:'''Maggie''': Mm-hmm. We had like a family too, you know.
:'''Grace''': What happened?
:'''Maggie''': Alameda Slim happened...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The cowboys are attacked by the Willie Brothers]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': What was that?
:'''Grace''': That must be Slim and the Willies.
:'''Barry, Bob and the Herd of Bulls''': ''[freaking out]'' Slim and the Willies!
:'''Barry''': ''[to Mrs. Calloway, mistaking her for Grace]'' Don't worry, darling. I'll protect you.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': You have exactly two seconds to remove your hoof... before I snap it off at the knee.
:'''Barry''': Sorry, madam. I thought you were the blonde...
:''[She whacks him, sending him to the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alameda Slim arrives]''
:'''Maggie''': It's payback time. Cover me!
:'''Grace''': With what?
:'''The Willie Brothers''': Howdy, Slim.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Quiet, you fools. We've got work to do. ''[sings &quot;Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Odel&quot; alongside the Willie Brothers]'' Here we go, boys! 5,000 cattle in the side pocket! ''[yodels &quot;[[w:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]&quot;, &quot;[[w:Yankee Doodle|Yankee Doodle]]&quot; and &quot;[[w:Symphony No. 9 (Beethoven)|Beethoven's Ode to Joy]]&quot; and continues to sings]''
:'''Grace''': Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, snap out of it! ''[Alameda Slim cackles as the girls scream]''
:'''Rico''': Oh! ''[grunts and girls screams]''
:'''Man''': Rico, if you'd just been a second earlier...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[laughing]'' 5,000 [[w:Texas Longhorn|Texas Longhorn]]s. Not bad for one night's work.
:'''Phil''': Pick a color. ''[He and Bill are playing with a cootie catcher]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': I said, not bad for one night's work. ''[Phil and Bill pay attention to Alameda Slim and clap]'' Thank you. And judging by the ear mark, I'd say these are the last of Big Mike Donald's herd.
:'''Gil''': Big Mike Donald had a farm?
:'''Phil and Bill''': E-I-E-I... ''[Alameda Slim bashes them on the heads with his fists]'' Ohh...
:'''Alameda Slim''': That's right. He had a farm. ''[He goes to his dressing screen stock and puts on his Yancy O'Del disguise]'' Now that all his cash cows have disappeared, that poor sap's gonna be flat broke. Perfect time for a certain upstanding land owner to step in and take all the land.
:'''Phil''': ''[screams]'' Ahhh! Who are you?!
:'''Bill''': What did you do with Uncle Slim?!
:'''Phil''': Put up your dukes, Mr. Fancy Britches! ''[Alameda Slim grabs his fingers]'' Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''It's me!'' Hello! ''[Alameda Slim takes off the glasses and the blue top hat and holding a cane]'' This here is the disguise I use to sneak into all them auctions and buy all the land, you brainless monotone monkeys.
:'''Gil''': Shoot, you got to be the richest land baron in the [[W:American west|the west]]. ''[Phil and Bill clap]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': Yes, but the part that ''really'' warms my heart is watching those homesteaders suffer. ''[He grabs a branding iron and brands Mike Donald's Farm and the Dixon Farm on the map]'' Back in the day, I worked the highfalutinest ranches you ever seen, but those stuck-up ranch bosses couldn't appreciate my talents.
:'''Phil''': Maybe they just didn't like your singing.
:'''Alameda Slim''': My ''singing''?! ''[Bill covers his brother's mouth]'' Songbirds ''sing''. saloon gals ''sing''. little bitty snot-nosed children ''sing''. I ''yodel'', and yodeling '''''IS AN ART!'''''
:'''Bill''': Well, maybe they just didn't like your yodeling.
:''[Phil covers his brother's mouth and Alameda Slim tries to hit them with his branding iron, but misses them when they duck]''
:'''Gil''': He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim. Everybody likes yodeling.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Hmm?
:'''Gil''': Why, it's one of the funniest, cornball, goofy, silly sounds in the whole west.
:''[Alameda Slim tries to hit Gil with his branding iron, but misses as Gil ducks, then Alameda Slim sees Patch of Heaven on the map as it's unauctioned as he twitches]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': Uh, Gil?
:'''Gil''': Uh-huh?
:'''Alameda Slim''': Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair you've managed to ''sit in the exact same spot, BLOCKING THAT CHOICE-PIECE OF PROPERTY FROM MY VIEW?!''
:'''Gil''': This is my comfy place. ''[beat]'' What? ''[Alameda Slim grabs him by the neck; Gil makes unintelligible noises]''
:'''Phil''': It's called Patch of Heaven, Uncle Slim. Goes on auction Thursday morning.
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[his fury quickly replaced by eagerness]'' Perfect. ''[He hits Gil on the head with his branding iron and letting us him go]'' Pencil it in. Thursday mornin'. Right after we sell off this herd.
:'''Bill''': But it's just a little old dirt farm.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Ah, what's the difference? When you're talking my revenge, every last acre... ''counts''. ''[He brands Patch of Heaven on the map with his branding iron]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mrs. Calloway saves Maggie from drowning during the flash flood and drags her to a nearby rock on the shore]''
:'''Maggie''': No. Come on, girls. We can't give up.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Maggie, that's enough. The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven.
:'''Maggie''': But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole '''''ridiculous plan''''' is just so that you can get revenge on those cattle rustlers!
:'''Maggie''': Hey! For your information, duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us ''saving our farm''!
:'''Mrs. Calloway:''' Huh. Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along.
:'''Maggie''': What's that supposed to mean?!
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior.
:'''Maggie''': Look, I was just having...
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Wasting our time on your foolish plans. Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out, but you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm.
:'''Maggie''':  ''[furious]'' Well. If that's the way you feel about it, maybe we should just go our separate ways.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''':  Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had.
:'''Maggie''': Fine.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Fine!
:'''Maggie''': '''''FINE!'''''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Fine. ''[Sits down as Grace looks sadly at the 2 of them and Maggie hangs her head]''
:'''Maggie''': Yeah. Fine. It's not like your farm was ever going to feel like home to me anyways.

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Both''': ''[&quot;Hillbilly Holla&quot; playing by North Mississippi and Allstars; to Uncle Slim]'' Uncle Silm, Uncle Slim!
:'''Grace''': Let's get out of here!
:'''Junior''': ''[Buck screams]'' Come back here, you dog meat!

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alamenda Slim''': ''[grunts, Mrs Calloway pulls the train whistle]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[worried]'' It's Alameda Slim!
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[latest words before his muffled by the cow bell]'' You think you've won?! It ain't over till the fat man ''sings!'' ''[yodels &quot;Magic Carpet Ride&quot; as Maggie attempts to silence him with her bell, but gets hypnotized as Grace jumps up into the air and kicks the cow bell into his mouth, silencing him and Maggie and Mrs. Calloway are free from his hypnotic yodeling]''
:'''Sam''': Alameda Slim, you're under arrest. ''[lashes the ropes to Alameda Slim who was muffled by the cow bell]'' 
:'''Grace''': Nobody messes with Pearl's, girls.
:'''Buck''': Say, girls, got milk?
:'''Girls''': Buck.
:'''Buck''': Just kidding. ''[Alameda Slim has been put into a paggy wagon with his mouth gagged and body wraps in a ropes]''
:'''Sam''': ''[to his deputies]'' Take him away, boys. I hope you like stripes. ''[to Pearl showing Alameda Slim's bounty reward money]'' Pearl, your cows can't do much with Alameda Slim's reward money. Think you can find some use for it?
:'''Pearl Gesner''': Woowie! My farm is saved! ''[hugs Mrs. Calloway and Grace and the other auctioneers cheer them]''

==Cast==
* [[Roseanne Barr]] — Maggie
* [[Judi Dench]] — Mrs. Caloway
* [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] — Grace
* [[w:Cuba Gooding Jr.|Cuba Gooding Jr.]] — Buck
* [[w:Randy Quaid|Randy Quaid]] — Alameda Slim Senior
* [[w:Charles Dennis|Charles Dennis]] — Rico
* [[w:Charles Haid|Charles Haid]] — Lucky Jack Rabbit
* [[w:Carole Cook|Carole Cook]] — Pearl
* [[w:Joe Flaherty|Joe Flaherty]] — Jeb
* [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] — Mr. Wesley
* [[w:Richard Riehle|Richard Riehle]] — Sheriff Sam Brown
* [[w:Lance LeGault|Lance LeGault]] — Alameda Slim Junior
* [[w:G. W. Bailey|G. W. Bailey]] — Rusty
* [[Patrick Warburton]] — Patrick
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] — Audrey
* [[w:Keaton Savage|Keaton Savage]] - Piggy
* Sam J. Levine — Phil, Gil and Bill the Willie Brothers' Gang
* [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] — Maggie/Chicks/Mrs. Caloway/Grace/Piggies/Buck/Chickens/Alameda Slim Junior/Bulls (vocal effects)

===Additional Voices===
* [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Mike Bell]]
* Tim Blevins
* Bob Bouchard
* Tami Tappan Damiano
* [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] - Saloon Girls
* Randy Erwin
* [[w:Troy Evans (actor)|Troy Evans]]
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] - [[w:donkey|Donkey]]
* Linda Griffin
* Pam Hamill
* [[w:Roger L. Jackson|Roger L. Jackson]] - Tommy
* [[w:Leslie Jordan|Leslie Jordan]] - Photographer
* Linda Kerns
* Kevin Ligon
* [[w:Edie McClurg|Edie McClurg]] - Molly
* Mickie McGowan
* Jordan Orr - Fireworks Boy #1
* Wilbur Pauley
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] - Man on Train
* Evan Sabara - Fireworks Boy #2
* [[w:Garnett Sailor|Garnett Sailor]]
* [[w:Peter Samuel|Peter Samuel]]
* [[w:John Sanford (writer)|John Sanford]]
* [[w:Peter Siragusa|Peter Siragusa]] - Clem
* [[w:Jim Ward (voice actor)|Jim Ward]]
* [[w:Joe Whyte|Joe Whyte]] - Vulture
* [[w:Bruce A. Young|Bruce A. Young]] - Morse, Cowboy
* [[w:Roger Yuan|Roger Yuan]] - Chinese Rider

==Teaser Trailer==
:''[As an instrumental portion of &quot;Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo&quot; starts to play, we see the black Walt Disney Pictures logo on a yellowish white paper background. A fireball flies over the castle forming the arch, and the screen fades to reveal silent footage as a horse neigh plays in the background]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' Are you ready for a side-splittin', finger-snappin' hoedown?
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, pretty much. Why?
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' It's got good guys...
:'''Buck''': ''[to a bandit]'' Your move.
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' ...bad guys...
:''[Rico throws a tied-up bandit to the Sheriff's office]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' ...wide open spaces, and the greatest hero the West has ever known:
:''[Music suddenly stops as the footage of Maggie, Mrs. Calloway and Grace slides down into place]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' The dairy cow.
:''[Screen flips to Mrs. Calloway speaking to Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, there it is, then. Three dairy cows who've never been off their farm out to scour the entire West for a wanted outlaw, bring him in and collect the $750 dollar reward all in less than three days.
:'''Ollie''': What?
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' But let's not put the cart before the horse.
:''[Horse neigh]''
:'''Piggies''': ''[raise their hooves in the air]'' Awesome!
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' Though I am fabulous, it all starts with three bodacious bovines who have a little Patch of Heaven all their own.
:'''K.D. Lang''': ''[singing]'' I know a place, pretty as pie. Out where the riverbend hits up with the end of the heavens!
:'''Maggie''': Here, have an apple. ''[bounces the apple from her tail and passes it to her front hoof and shoves it into the first piggy's mouth]'' Don't go near any luaus, though.
:'''Sam''': I'm telling ya, ''[hands Pearl the eviction notice]'' they're gonna auction off Patch of Heaven.
:'''Jeb''': I think we all know what happens now.
:'''Audrey''': What?
:'''Jeb''': Now we all get eaten.
:'''Audrey''': But who would eat a chicken?
:''[We cut to four chicks frowning at Mrs. Calloway. The second chick blinks his eyes and tilts his head two times]''
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, guys. Time for a little bovine intervention.
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' And get this; to save their farm, the cows turn into bounty hunters!
:'''Grace''': ''[to a longhorn]'' We're looking for a cattle rustler named Alameda Slim.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Hyah! ''[wraps his arms around the longhorns]'' I think these cows got it in for me.
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, girls! We've got a farm to save.
:''[The song &quot;Home on the Range&quot; starts playing as we see shots of Mrs. Calloway, Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Lucky Jack''': Ha! Bovine bounty hunters. Now I've seen everything.
:'''Chorus''': Out in the land where the weak are target practice. Home, home, home on the range!
:''[Buck lets out karate yells while whipping his tail at a Willie Brother's face and we cut to Alameda getting frightened by the train coming towards them. We cut to Jack hitting a metal pie plate into Alameda's face, making him lose consciousness]''
:'''Chorus''': Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek. Home, home, home on the range!
:'''Buck''': He must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo. ''[camera pans right, revealing Junior behind Buck. He snorts behind him and he becomes shocked]'' Uh-oh.
:''[Mrs. Calloway and Grace ram their horns into Alameda Slim's butt and we cut to Grace kicking one Rico]''
:'''Chorus''': If you're the type with a hesitant bladder, yip! Yow! Your saddle's gonna reek!
:'''Buck''': You cows are fierce!
:'''Chorus''': 'Cause you ain't home....on...the range! Cowboy, you're really up a creek!
:'''Maggie''': Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!?
:''[The title logo appears on the final note and the screen fades to black]''

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Western films]]
[[Category:Animated films about cows]]
[[Category:Films set in Wyoming]]
[[Category:Animated films about horses]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about hypnosis]]</text>
      <sha1>4acpifz03ftun2nwtu7aqx32pnhtpp1</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951922</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T02:46:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Caleblaw85</username>
        <id>2991627</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3951922</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19771" sha1="pcnraodx0xq0r0w3oe88bobr0ijqk1k" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Home on the Range (2004 film)|Home on the Range]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004 animated film]] from [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] about four [[w:holstein cow|dairy cow]]s are Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, [[w:Clarabelle Cow|Clarabelle Cow]] and Grace in the [[W:American west|American west]] of [[w:Wyoming|Wyoming]] who must capture an infamous [[W:cattle rustler|cattle rustler]] named Alameda Slim for his bounty in order to save their idyllic farm from foreclosure. Aiding them in their quest is Lucky Jack, a feisty, peg-legged [[W:White-tailed jackrabbit|jackrabbit]], and a selfish [[w:chestnut (horse_color)|chestnut]] [[W:mustang|mustang]] [[w:Stallion|stallion]] named Buck, eagerly working in the service of Rico, a famous bounty hunter, seeks the glory for himself.
:''Directed by [[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]] and John Sanford. Written by [[w:Will Finn|Will Finn]] and John Sanford.''
{{center|'''Bust a Moo.'''}}

==Buck==
*''[from trailer]'' Let's not put the cows before the horse.

==Junior the Buffalo==
*Cows only.

==Audrey==
* You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines; Logos: Walt Disney Pictures; music starts]''
:'''Male Singers''': ''Out in the land where the men are tough as cactus''
:''Out in the land where the﻿ wild, wild west was won''
:''Out in the land of the desperado''
:''If yer as soft as an avocado''
:''Yee-ha! Yer guacamole, son!''
:''Home, home, this ain't it, pal!''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, better go git, pal!''
:''You ain't home on the range''
:''Out in the land where the weak are target practice''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek''
:''Home,﻿ home, home on the range''
:''Out where the bad are a whole lot badder''
:''If yer the type with a nervous bladder, yip! Yow!''
:''saddle's gonna reek!''
:''Cause﻿ you ain't home on the range''
:''Cowboy, yer really up the creek!''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:''Home, home, home on the range''
:'''Maggie''': ''[narrates]''  Home on the range. Once upon a time, I had a home on the range, But not anymore. Well, it's no use crying over spilled milk. Speaking of which, that's me. I'm the cow. ''[Fly buzzing and approaches to Maggie]'' Yeah, they're real, quit staring. I'm sort of between homes right now. I lost my old place... thanks to the meanest bunch of cattle rustlers in the west... ''[scene cuts to night, where Alameda Slim and his gang]'' Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers' Gang. ''[as Alameda Slim yodels and the cows start mooing and they got captured from Maggie's ranch]'' Somehow, they stole the whole herd... right out from under our noses and then they disappeared without a trace. ''[Abner sees the cows are missing and taken away by Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers then he sees Maggie from the trance, then he takes Maggie out from his barn to another place]'' After that... poor old Abner couldn't afford to keep the place... or me, either, for that matter Well, no matter how bad things get, there's probably somebody worse off. ''[Maggie sees Lucky Jack that the snake was eaten his head, and runs to the cactus]'' That guy, for instance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': We are not following this wagon, and that is final.
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, Calloway. It'll be ''fun''. ''[elbows her]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Did you just hit me?!
:'''Maggie''': ''[elbows her again]'' Kinda?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, stop it.
:'''Maggie''': ''[elbows her once again]'' WHY?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Because I don't like it. ''[Maggie teases her, then pushes her, causing her hat to fall into a small mud puddle]''
:'''Grace''': ''[pause; Mrs. Calloway gets angry at Maggie]'' Oh, no! Not the hat!
:'''Maggie''': What? What about the... ''[Mrs. Calloway shoves her to another mud puddle. She puts her at back on and wipes the mud off, but Maggie shoves her back]''
:'''Grace''': All right, all right, violence is not going to solve anything. Why don't we all take a deep cleansing breath...''[Mrs. Calloway and Maggie begin to mud wrestle as Grace slinks away]''
:'''Rusty''': Hey, now! Mud wrestling! ''[gets mud splashed on him]''
:'''Buck''': ''[laughs as mud gets on Rico's saddle]'' Hey, hey, watch the saddle. ''[wipes the mud off the saddle with his tail]''
:''[Inside his office, Sam and Rico watch Maggie and Mrs. Calloway's fight outside]''
:'''Sam''': What in tarnation? ''[grabs his rope]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Maggie, for the last time, I will not be roped into this scheme! ''[gets lassoed along with Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Sam''': Come on, you crazy heifers! Come on! Dagnabit! ''[ties the cows to the back of the chuckwagon belonging to a Chinese rider]'' Hey, partner, curb your livestock. This town is clean!
:'''Chinese Rider''': ''[speaking Chinese]'' Wow! Free cows! What a country! Giddy-up!
:'''Maggie''': Not exactly what I had in mind, but this'll work.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, it doesn't work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The cows look at Maggie's old home filled with trophies]''
:'''Grace''': What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
:'''Maggie''': She'll be okay.
:'''Grace''': How do you know?
:'''Maggie''': You're looking at her.
:'''Grace''': This was ''your'' farm?
:'''Maggie''': Mm-hmm. We had like a family too, you know.
:'''Grace''': What happened?
:'''Maggie''': Alameda Slim happened...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The cowboys are attacked by the Willie Brothers]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': What was that?
:'''Grace''': That must be Slim and the Willies.
:'''Barry, Bob and the Herd of Bulls''': ''[freaking out]'' Slim and the Willies!
:'''Barry''': ''[to Mrs. Calloway, mistaking her for Grace]'' Don't worry, darling. I'll protect you.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': You have exactly two seconds to remove your hoof... before I snap it off at the knee.
:'''Barry''': Sorry, madam. I thought you were the blonde...
:''[She whacks him, sending him to the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Alameda Slim arrives]''
:'''Maggie''': It's payback time. Cover me!
:'''Grace''': With what?
:'''The Willie Brothers''': Howdy, Slim.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Quiet, you fools. We've got work to do. ''[sings &quot;Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Odel&quot; alongside the Willie Brothers]'' Here we go, boys! 5,000 cattle in the side pocket! ''[yodels &quot;[[w:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]&quot;, &quot;[[w:Yankee Doodle|Yankee Doodle]]&quot; and &quot;[[w:Symphony No. 9 (Beethoven)|Beethoven's Ode to Joy]]&quot; and continues to sings]''
:'''Grace''': Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, snap out of it! ''[Alameda Slim cackles as the girls scream]''
:'''Rico''': Oh! ''[grunts and girls screams]''
:'''Man''': Rico, if you'd just been a second earlier...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[laughing]'' 5,000 [[w:Texas Longhorn|Texas Longhorn]]s. Not bad for one night's work.
:'''Phil''': Pick a color. ''[He and Bill are playing with a cootie catcher]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': I said, not bad for one night's work. ''[Phil and Bill pay attention to Alameda Slim and clap]'' Thank you. And judging by the ear mark, I'd say these are the last of Big Mike Donald's herd.
:'''Gil''': Big Mike Donald had a farm?
:'''Phil and Bill''': E-I-E-I... ''[Alameda Slim bashes them on the heads with his fists]'' Ohh...
:'''Alameda Slim''': That's right. He had a farm. ''[He goes to his dressing screen stock and puts on his Yancy O'Del disguise]'' Now that all his cash cows have disappeared, that poor sap's gonna be flat broke. Perfect time for a certain upstanding land owner to step in and take all the land.
:'''Phil''': ''[screams]'' Ahhh! Who are you?!
:'''Bill''': What did you do with Uncle Slim?!
:'''Phil''': Put up your dukes, Mr. Fancy Britches! ''[Alameda Slim grabs his fingers]'' Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''It's me!'' Hello! ''[Alameda Slim takes off the glasses and the blue top hat and holding a cane]'' This here is the disguise I use to sneak into all them auctions and buy all the land, you brainless monotone monkeys.
:'''Gil''': Shoot, you got to be the richest land baron in the [[W:American west|the west]]. ''[Phil and Bill clap]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': Yes, but the part that ''really'' warms my heart is watching those homesteaders suffer. ''[He grabs a branding iron and brands Mike Donald's Farm and the Dixon Farm on the map]'' Back in the day, I worked the highfalutinest ranches you ever seen, but those stuck-up ranch bosses couldn't appreciate my talents.
:'''Phil''': Maybe they just didn't like your singing.
:'''Alameda Slim''': My ''singing''?! ''[Bill covers his brother's mouth]'' Songbirds ''sing''. saloon gals ''sing''. little bitty snot-nosed children ''sing''. I ''yodel'', and yodeling '''''IS AN ART!'''''
:'''Bill''': Well, maybe they just didn't like your yodeling.
:''[Phil covers his brother's mouth and Alameda Slim tries to hit them with his branding iron, but misses them when they duck]''
:'''Gil''': He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim. Everybody likes yodeling.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Hmm?
:'''Gil''': Why, it's one of the funniest, cornball, goofy, silly sounds in the whole west.
:''[Alameda Slim tries to hit Gil with his branding iron, but misses as Gil ducks, then Alameda Slim sees Patch of Heaven on the map as it's unauctioned as he twitches]''
:'''Alameda Slim''': Uh, Gil?
:'''Gil''': Uh-huh?
:'''Alameda Slim''': Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair you've managed to ''sit in the exact same spot, BLOCKING THAT CHOICE-PIECE OF PROPERTY FROM MY VIEW?!''
:'''Gil''': This is my comfy place. ''[beat]'' What? ''[Alameda Slim grabs him by the neck; Gil makes unintelligible noises]''
:'''Phil''': It's called Patch of Heaven, Uncle Slim. Goes on auction Thursday morning.
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[his fury quickly replaced by eagerness]'' Perfect. ''[He hits Gil on the head with his branding iron and letting us him go]'' Pencil it in. Thursday mornin'. Right after we sell off this herd.
:'''Bill''': But it's just a little old dirt farm.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Ah, what's the difference? When you're talking my revenge, every last acre... ''counts''. ''[He brands Patch of Heaven on the map with his branding iron]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mrs. Calloway saves Maggie from drowning during the flash flood and drags her to a nearby rock on the shore]''
:'''Maggie''': No. Come on, girls. We can't give up.
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Maggie, that's enough. The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven.
:'''Maggie''': But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole '''''ridiculous plan''''' is just so that you can get revenge on those cattle rustlers!
:'''Maggie''': Hey! For your information, duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us ''saving our farm''!
:'''Mrs. Calloway:''' Huh. Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along.
:'''Maggie''': What's that supposed to mean?!
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior.
:'''Maggie''': Look, I was just having...
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Wasting our time on your foolish plans. Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out, but you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm.
:'''Maggie''':  ''[furious]'' Well. If that's the way you feel about it, maybe we should just go our separate ways!
:'''Mrs. Calloway''':  Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had.
:'''Maggie''': Fine!
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Fine.
:'''Maggie''': '''''FINE!'''''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Fine. ''[sits down as Grace looks sadly at the 2 of them and Maggie hangs her head]''
:'''Maggie''': Yeah. Fine. It's not like your farm was ever going to feel like home to me anyways.

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Both''': ''[&quot;Hillbilly Holla&quot; playing by North Mississippi and Allstars; to Uncle Slim]'' Uncle Silm, Uncle Slim!
:'''Grace''': Let's get out of here!
:'''Junior''': ''[Buck screams]'' Come back here, you dog meat!

&lt;hr width=50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alamenda Slim''': ''[grunts, Mrs Calloway pulls the train whistle]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[worried]'' It's Alameda Slim!
:'''Alameda Slim''': ''[latest words before his muffled by the cow bell]'' You think you've won?! It ain't over till the fat man ''sings!'' ''[yodels &quot;Magic Carpet Ride&quot; as Maggie attempts to silence him with her bell, but gets hypnotized as Grace jumps up into the air and kicks the cow bell into his mouth, silencing him and Maggie and Mrs. Calloway are free from his hypnotic yodeling]''
:'''Sam''': Alameda Slim, you're under arrest. ''[lashes the ropes to Alameda Slim who was muffled by the cow bell]'' 
:'''Grace''': Nobody messes with Pearl's, girls.
:'''Buck''': Say, girls, got milk?
:'''Girls''': Buck.
:'''Buck''': Just kidding. ''[Alameda Slim has been put into a paggy wagon with his mouth gagged and body wraps in a ropes]''
:'''Sam''': ''[to his deputies]'' Take him away, boys. I hope you like stripes. ''[to Pearl showing Alameda Slim's bounty reward money]'' Pearl, your cows can't do much with Alameda Slim's reward money. Think you can find some use for it?
:'''Pearl Gesner''': Woowie! My farm is saved! ''[hugs Mrs. Calloway and Grace and the other auctioneers cheer them]''

==Cast==
* [[Roseanne Barr]] — Maggie
* [[Judi Dench]] — Mrs. Caloway
* [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] — Grace
* [[w:Cuba Gooding Jr.|Cuba Gooding Jr.]] — Buck
* [[w:Randy Quaid|Randy Quaid]] — Alameda Slim Senior
* [[w:Charles Dennis|Charles Dennis]] — Rico
* [[w:Charles Haid|Charles Haid]] — Lucky Jack Rabbit
* [[w:Carole Cook|Carole Cook]] — Pearl
* [[w:Joe Flaherty|Joe Flaherty]] — Jeb
* [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] — Mr. Wesley
* [[w:Richard Riehle|Richard Riehle]] — Sheriff Sam Brown
* [[w:Lance LeGault|Lance LeGault]] — Alameda Slim Junior
* [[w:G. W. Bailey|G. W. Bailey]] — Rusty
* [[Patrick Warburton]] — Patrick
* [[w:Estelle Harris|Estelle Harris]] — Audrey
* [[w:Keaton Savage|Keaton Savage]] - Piggy
* Sam J. Levine — Phil, Gil and Bill the Willie Brothers' Gang
* [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] — Maggie/Chicks/Mrs. Caloway/Grace/Piggies/Buck/Chickens/Alameda Slim Junior/Bulls (vocal effects)

===Additional Voices===
* [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Mike Bell]]
* Tim Blevins
* Bob Bouchard
* Tami Tappan Damiano
* [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] - Saloon Girls
* Randy Erwin
* [[w:Troy Evans (actor)|Troy Evans]]
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] - [[w:donkey|Donkey]]
* Linda Griffin
* Pam Hamill
* [[w:Roger L. Jackson|Roger L. Jackson]] - Tommy
* [[w:Leslie Jordan|Leslie Jordan]] - Photographer
* Linda Kerns
* Kevin Ligon
* [[w:Edie McClurg|Edie McClurg]] - Molly
* Mickie McGowan
* Jordan Orr - Fireworks Boy #1
* Wilbur Pauley
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] - Man on Train
* Evan Sabara - Fireworks Boy #2
* [[w:Garnett Sailor|Garnett Sailor]]
* [[w:Peter Samuel|Peter Samuel]]
* [[w:John Sanford (writer)|John Sanford]]
* [[w:Peter Siragusa|Peter Siragusa]] - Clem
* [[w:Jim Ward (voice actor)|Jim Ward]]
* [[w:Joe Whyte|Joe Whyte]] - Vulture
* [[w:Bruce A. Young|Bruce A. Young]] - Morse, Cowboy
* [[w:Roger Yuan|Roger Yuan]] - Chinese Rider

==Teaser Trailer==
:''[As an instrumental portion of &quot;Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo&quot; starts to play, we see the black Walt Disney Pictures logo on a yellowish white paper background. A fireball flies over the castle forming the arch, and the screen fades to reveal silent footage as a horse neigh plays in the background]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' Are you ready for a side-splittin', finger-snappin' hoedown?
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, pretty much. Why?
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' It's got good guys...
:'''Buck''': ''[to a bandit]'' Your move.
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' ...bad guys...
:''[Rico throws a tied-up bandit to the Sheriff's office]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' ...wide open spaces, and the greatest hero the West has ever known:
:''[Music suddenly stops as the footage of Maggie, Mrs. Calloway and Grace slides down into place]''
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' The dairy cow.
:''[Screen flips to Mrs. Calloway speaking to Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Mrs. Calloway''': Well, there it is, then. Three dairy cows who've never been off their farm out to scour the entire West for a wanted outlaw, bring him in and collect the $750 dollar reward all in less than three days.
:'''Ollie''': What?
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' But let's not put the cart before the horse.
:''[Horse neigh]''
:'''Piggies''': ''[raise their hooves in the air]'' Awesome!
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' Though I am fabulous, it all starts with three bodacious bovines who have a little Patch of Heaven all their own.
:'''K.D. Lang''': ''[singing]'' I know a place, pretty as pie. Out where the riverbend hits up with the end of the heavens!
:'''Maggie''': Here, have an apple. ''[bounces the apple from her tail and passes it to her front hoof and shoves it into the first piggy's mouth]'' Don't go near any luaus, though.
:'''Sam''': I'm telling ya, ''[hands Pearl the eviction notice]'' they're gonna auction off Patch of Heaven.
:'''Jeb''': I think we all know what happens now.
:'''Audrey''': What?
:'''Jeb''': Now we all get eaten.
:'''Audrey''': But who would eat a chicken?
:''[We cut to four chicks frowning at Mrs. Calloway. The second chick blinks his eyes and tilts his head two times]''
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, guys. Time for a little bovine intervention.
:'''Buck''': ''[narrates]'' And get this; to save their farm, the cows turn into bounty hunters!
:'''Grace''': ''[to a longhorn]'' We're looking for a cattle rustler named Alameda Slim.
:'''Alameda Slim''': Hyah! ''[wraps his arms around the longhorns]'' I think these cows got it in for me.
:'''Maggie''': C'mon, girls! We've got a farm to save.
:''[The song &quot;Home on the Range&quot; starts playing as we see shots of Mrs. Calloway, Maggie and Grace]''
:'''Lucky Jack''': Ha! Bovine bounty hunters. Now I've seen everything.
:'''Chorus''': Out in the land where the weak are target practice. Home, home, home on the range!
:''[Buck lets out karate yells while whipping his tail at a Willie Brother's face and we cut to Alameda getting frightened by the train coming towards them. We cut to Jack hitting a metal pie plate into Alameda's face, making him lose consciousness]''
:'''Chorus''': Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek. Home, home, home on the range!
:'''Buck''': He must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo. ''[camera pans right, revealing Junior behind Buck. He snorts behind him and he becomes shocked]'' Uh-oh.
:''[Mrs. Calloway and Grace ram their horns into Alameda Slim's butt and we cut to Grace kicking one Rico]''
:'''Chorus''': If you're the type with a hesitant bladder, yip! Yow! Your saddle's gonna reek!
:'''Buck''': You cows are fierce!
:'''Chorus''': 'Cause you ain't home....on...the range! Cowboy, you're really up a creek!
:'''Maggie''': Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!?
:''[The title logo appears on the final note and the screen fades to black]''

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Western films]]
[[Category:Animated films about cows]]
[[Category:Films set in Wyoming]]
[[Category:Animated films about horses]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about hypnosis]]</text>
      <sha1>pcnraodx0xq0r0w3oe88bobr0ijqk1k</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187542</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951610</id>
      <parentid>3949496</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:11:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951610</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1686" sha1="a3l17exrhe5k5ta4ldfnm62igerq6pf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title|2003 American animated film}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire|Scooby-Doo! and the Legend of the Vampire]]'''''  is a [[w:2002 in film|2002 film]] about the gang who go to [[Australia]] to investigate the recent disappearances of the performances at the music festivals, by the so called 'Yowie Yahoo'.
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Mark Turosz.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

== Dialogue ==
:'''Velma''': What happened to them?
:'''Russell''': After they lost the contest, they went up to Vampire Rock to camp. They were never heard from again.
:'''Fred''': They just disappeared?
:'''Daniel Illiwara''': The locals believe the Yowie Yahoo turned them into vampires.
:'''Shaggy''': The vampires, the creepy, and like scary--
:'''Daphne''': Alright, Shaggy! We get your point.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby/Fred
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma
* [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:2002 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films about vampires]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Australia]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Sydney]]</text>
      <sha1>a3l17exrhe5k5ta4ldfnm62igerq6pf</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187609</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951611</id>
      <parentid>3949488</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:12:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951611</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1938" sha1="b9pso0tdiqdrzqt6w8opvjxwxzobcsf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico|Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003 film]] about the gang traveling to [[Mexico]] and investigating reports of the [[w:Chupacabra|Chupacabra]].
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by [[w:Douglas Wood (writer)|Douglas Wood]].''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Daphne Blake''': Okay, Fred, how do you say &quot;hopelessly lost&quot; in Spanish?
:'''Velma Dinkley''': It looks like the woods get thicker up ahead.
:'''Daphne Blake''': Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
:'''Fred 'Freddy' Jones''': We might.
:'''Velma Dinkley''': Mostly coyotes and jaguars and boars.
:'''Daphne Blake''': Coyotes?
:'''Fred 'Freddy' Jones''': And jaguars?
:'''Velma Dinkley''': And boars.
:'''Daphne Blake''': Oh, my!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Luis Otero''': Double lock your doors.
:'''Charlene''': Say your prayers.
:'''Luis Otero''': And wherever you do…
:'''Both''': Don't go outside!

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred, El Chupacabra
* [[w:Heather North|Heather North]] — Daphne (final film role)
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] — Velma
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[w:Eddie Santiago|Eddie Santiago]] — Alejo
* [[w:Jesse Borrego|Jesse Borrego]] — Luis

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0369903|title=Scooby-Doo! and the Monster of Mexico}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2003 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Films set in Mexico]]</text>
      <sha1>b9pso0tdiqdrzqt6w8opvjxwxzobcsf</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187611</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951601</id>
      <parentid>3951497</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:09:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951601</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2090" sha1="kgs533a4erp5izw2epw3fhdqasjepd9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster|Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003 film]] about the gang traveling to [[w:Loch Ness|Loch Ness]] and investigating reports of [[w:Loch Ness Monster|its monster]].
:''Directed by Scott Jeralds. Written by Ed Scharlach.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Shannon Blake''': For centuries the Blakes have been falling through trap doors, finding secret passageways, getting kidnapped, and getting caught in traps of our own creation. The Blakes have been famous for being-how should I put this? Danger prone.
:'''Daphne Blake''': [as the gang looks at her] What?
:'''Shaggy, Scooby, Velma and Fred''': Oh, nothing. Love the architecture.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred, Lachlan Haggart
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne, Shannon
* Michael Bell - Duncan

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0418141|title=Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2003 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in castles]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Highland (council area)]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Scotland]]
[[Category:Films set in Loch Ness]]</text>
      <sha1>kgs533a4erp5izw2epw3fhdqasjepd9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Aloha, Scooby-Doo!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187612</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951602</id>
      <parentid>3951499</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:09:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951602</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2772" sha1="5w70ofcmun5spdvls9weg346rqfjf64" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Aloha, Scooby-Doo!|Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004 film]] about the gang traveling to [[Hawaii]] and investigating reports of a [[w:Tiki|tiki]] demon.
:''Directed by Tim Maltby. Written by Temple Mathews.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Fred, could I make a suggestion?

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Jeepers!

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Jinkles!

==Dialogue==
:'''Shaggy''': ''[after unintentionally grabbing a snake]'' Whoops! Sorry! Won't happen again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Auntie Mahina''': If the ancient mythology is true, the Wiki Tiki will sacrifice Manu and Snookie by throwing them into the volcano.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, no!
:'''Fred Jones''': Then we've got to climb up there and stop him.
:'''Auntie Mahina''': You must go and find the entrance to his lair and enter through the mountain.
:'''Shaggy''': You mean, like, through spooky caves and stuff?
:'''Auntie Mahina''': Yes, through spooky caves and stuff.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Fred, could I make a suggestion?
:'''Fred Jones''': Let me guess. You wanna leave and never come back.
:'''Shaggy''': Wow, groovy. It's like you read my mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Scooby''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Aloha!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo, Fred Jones, Wiki-Tiki, Interviewer
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy Rogers
* [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne Blake, Auntie Mahina, Local Woman #2
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma Dinkley
* [[w:Ray Bumatai|Ray Bumatai]] — Little Jim
* [[Teri Garr]] — Mayor Molly Quinn
* [[Adam West]] — Jared Moon
* [[Tom Kenny]] — Ruben Laluna
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] — Additional Voices
* [[w:Tia Carrere|Tia Carrere]] — Snookie, Local Woman

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0433771|title=Aloha, Scooby-Doo!}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2004 films]]
[[Category:2004 American animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films‎]]
[[Category:Films set on islands]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Hawaii]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>5w70ofcmun5spdvls9weg346rqfjf64</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187613</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951604</id>
      <parentid>3951502</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:10:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951604</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3606" sha1="aiwt1p0876ymool69gxg54r02v065et" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?|Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]''''' in 104 minutes release is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 film]] about about a mystery that unfolds when [[Cleopatra VII|Cleopatra's]] tomb is discovered in [[Egypt]].
:''Directed by Joe Sichta. Written by [[w:Joseph Barbera|Joseph Barbera]].
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Hoax? Like, tell that to poor Velma, turned to stone, and meanwhile, we're living the good life... well, expect for that giant scorpin part.

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* It just doesn't add up. If the Nile ran dry because of Hotep's scheme, could the cruise of Cleopatra be a hoax after all?

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Oh, poor Scooby. Listen to him ''[hugs Scooby]'' He's heartbroken. I got something that might cheer you up. Regonize this? ''[puts Scooby's collar back on]''

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* '''JINKLES!'''
* Okay, Scooby, okay.
* As soon as we discovered the hidden chamber, Omar knew the treasure hunters would come from all over.

== Amelia Von Butch ==
* ''[last words]'' Yow! I won't stand for this, You... ''Give me my crown!'' My crown! I want my crown!


== Dialogue ==
:'''Fred''': ''[consulting Omar's journal]'' I'll translate the ancient writing. &quot;Help, the heavy tourist is pinching my kitten.&quot;
:'''Daphne''': ''[grabs the journal]'' Uh, how about &quot;the necklace is the key to the curse&quot;?
:'''Fred''': Ooh! Even better. 

:'''Velma''': JINKES! 
:'''Fred''': It's Velma! Come on! 
:'''Daphne''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, no! Velma's been struck by the curse!

:'''Fred''': It just doesn't add up. If the Nile ran dry because of Hotep's scheme, could the cruise of Cleopatra be a hoax after all? 
:'''Shaggy''': Hoax? Like, tell that to poor Velma, turned to stone, and meanwhile, we're living the good life... well, expect for that giant scorpin part. 
:'''Scooby''': ''[howling]'' 
:'''Daphne''': Oh, poor Scooby. Listen to him ''[hugs Scooby]'' He's heartbroken. 
:'''Scooby''': ''[whimper]'' 
:'''Daphne''': I got something that might cheer you up. Regonize this? ''[puts Scooby's collar back on]''
:'''Scooby''': Aw, Scooby-Doo. 

:'''Fred, Daphne, and Shaggy''': Velma!? 
:'''Velma''': ''[Scooby licks her]'' Okay, Scooby, okay. 

:'''Velma''': As soon as we discovered the hidden chamber, Omar knew the treasure hunters would come from all over.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Fred Jones / Scooby-Doo
* [[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] — Shaggy Rogers
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — Velma Dinkley
* [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne Blake / Natasha
* [[w:Christine Baranski|Christine Baranski]] — Amelia Von Butch
* [[w:Ajay Naidu|Ajay Naidu]] — Prince Omar Karam
* [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] — Armin Granger aka Hotep / Ancient One #2

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0480461|title=Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films about mummies]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Egypt]]</text>
      <sha1>aiwt1p0876ymool69gxg54r02v065et</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>187619</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951603</id>
      <parentid>3951501</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:10:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951603</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1703" sha1="qjuib4wxlok0l3fnzs9ovw26e37c2rx" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!|Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''''' is a [[w:2006 in film|2006 film]] about when the gang takes a cruise in the [[w:Bermuda Triangle|Bermuda Triangle]] and are attacked by supposed ghost pirates.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Sheetz|Chuck Sheetz]]. Written by Margaret M. Dean.
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

== Other ==
'''Captain Skunkbeard''': Who dares enter the Bermuda Triangle? Ye have crossed paths with Captain Skunkbeard, and now ye shall pay the price!

== Dialogue ==
:Velma: [chuckles] Uh, thank you.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo and Fred
* Casey Kasem — Shaggy
* Mindy Cohn — Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne
* Ron Perlman — Captain Skunkbeard and Biff Wellington

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0867418|title=Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2006 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films set on ships]]</text>
      <sha1>qjuib4wxlok0l3fnzs9ovw26e37c2rx</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Liberty's Kids</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>191437</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951873</id>
      <parentid>3848230</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:14:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951873</origin>
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      <text bytes="4436" sha1="lrkuuo83rxeckiwm3ghi8qiuy8lbpak" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
''[[w:Liberty's Kids|Liberty's Kids: Est. 1776]]'' is an animated educational historical fiction television series. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 9 to 13.

==Episodes==
===''The Boston Tea Party'' [1.1]===
:'''Sam Adams''': It time for us to band together. It's time for us to become patriots! And patriots are man of action! '''ARE YOU WITH ME!?'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In an English boat in a sea storm, a girl named Sarah Phillips is writing to her mother]''
:'''Sarah''': Dearest mother, I can hardly believe it's been a fortnight since I bade you all farewell I miss you terribly, yet my heart is also filled with delicious anticipation of the new life which awaits father and me in the colonies. I look forward to settling in Dr. Franklin's home in Philadelphia and long to see father again when he returns from the wilderness. ''[The storm worsens as the boat starts to break apart]'' I'm proud to have a brave explorer as my father. I wear his locket always. ''[Holds up a golden necklace on her neck]'' We'll all be reunited on the wonderful land he is sure to discover. I shall be true to my word and write every day. Your loving daughter, Sarah.

===''The Intolerable Acts'' [1.2]===

===''United We Stand'' [1.3]===

===''Liberty or Death'' [1.4]===

===''Midnight Ride'' [1.5]===

===''The Shot Heard Round the World'' [1.6]===
:'''James''': ''[seeing the British open fire at Lexington]'' It's the Boston Massacre all over again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sarah''': Oh, mother, Tom's death seems to me a sign of awful things to come. This conflict is not at all what James thought it would be. It won't be simply contest of ideas. It promises to be a contest of arms. It promises to be everything I had prayed we would avoid.

===''Green Mountain Boys'' [1.7]===

===''The Second Continental Congress'' [1.8]===

===''Bunker Hill'' [1.9]===

===''Postmaster General Franklin'' [1.10]===

===''Washington Takes Command'' [1.11]===

===''Common Sense'' [1.12]===

===''The First Fourth of July'' [1.13]===
:'''Dr. Franklin''': We must all hang together, or most assuredly we will all ''hang'' separately.

===''New York, New York'' [1.14]===

===''The Turtle'' [1.15]===

===''One Life to Lose'' [1.16]===

===''Captain Molly'' [1.17]===

===''American Crisis'' [1.18]===

===''Across the Delaware'' [1.19]===

===''An American in Paris'' [1.20]===

===''Sybil Ludington'' [1.21]===

===''Lafayette Arrives'' [1.22]===

===''The Hessians are Coming'' [1.23]===

===''Valley Forge'' [1.24]===

===''Allies at Last'' [1.25]===
:'''[[w:Charles Gravier, comte de Vergennes|Vegennes]]''': His Majesty King [[w:Louis XVI of France|Louis]] does not wish to offend his brother-in-law King Charles of Spain. 
:'''[[Benjamin Franklin]]''': I thought this was between France and the United States.
:'''Vegennes''': Spain owns a vast amount of land in America. King [[w:Charles III of Spain|Charles]] feels that if you've taken what is England's, then you most certainly take what is his. And, France cannot make any [[w:Treaty of Alliance (1778)|agreement]] without King Charles' approval.

===''Honor and Compromise'' [1.26]===

===''The New Frontier'' [1.27]===

===''Not Yet Begun to Fight'' [1.28]===
:'''Sarah''': They say that Capt. Pierson might be knighted for his gallant fight.

:'''John Paul Jones''': If I have the good fortune to fall in with him again, I'll make him a lord!

===''The Great Galvez'' [1.29]===

===''In Praise of Ben'' [1.30]===

===''Bostonians'' [1.31]===

===''Benedict Arnold'' [1.32]===

===''Conflict in the South'' [1.33]===

===''Deborah Samson: Soldier of the Revolution'' [1.34]===

===''James Armistead'' [1.35]===

===''Yorktown'' [1.36]===

===''Born Free and Equal'' [1.37]===

===''The Man Who Wouldn't Be King'' [1.38]===

===''Going Home'' [1.39]===

===''We the People'' [1.40]===
:''[Final line of the series]''

:'''Dr. Franklin''': But remember, the Constitution does not guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>191931</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951627</id>
      <parentid>3880377</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:16:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951627</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="5518" sha1="06uu6q1nb02mgns0o3it7x5hoyrvzyh" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!|Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!]]''''' is the twelfth Scooby Doo television series. In the show, the Scooby-Doo gang decide to travel in their last summer break together, encountering havoc-wreaking monsters along the way. Described as having a more comedic tone than its previous incarnation, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, the show employs character traits from the original 1969 series on top of redesigned characters models. After finishing up their senior year of high school, the Scooby-Doo gang decide to travel in the Mystery Machine, seeking fun and adventure during what could possibly be their last summer break together. However, havoc-wreaking monsters prevent them from completing their journey.
 
{{tv-stub}}
== Season 1 ==
===Mystery 101===
:''[Daphne places puppets and everyone's hands during an argument]''
:'''Fred''': ''[imitating Velma]'' Well, I'm Velma. I trust books more than I trust my friends.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[imitating Fred]'' Like, I'm Fred. I put my friends in danger for ''clues''!
:'''Velma''': ''[imitating Shaggy]'' I'm Shaggy! Waa! I'm hungry! Waa! I'm scared! Waa! I’m two years old! Waa!

===A Game of Chicken===
:'''Shaggy''': You know what I mean.
:'''Scooby''': Do ''you''?
'''All Paws on Deck''' 

===Poodle Justice===
:'''Shaggy''': Look, Poodle Justice! Like, Scooby-Doo, that's your favorite show.
:'''&lt;big&gt;Grand&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Scam&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Trading&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Chases&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Be&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Quiet&lt;/big&gt;  &lt;big&gt;Scooby&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;-&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Doo!&lt;/big&gt;'''
:''[It's revealed that someone who presses the elevator's up button to return to the crystals is... Fred]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[trying to find a way out]'' Like, what are you doing?!
:'''Fred''': Sorry, gang, but we have to go back down there. I've got a plan. All l need is... 5 seconds of quiet to teach you the hand signals.
:'''&lt;big&gt;Party&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Like&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;It's&lt;/big&gt; 1&lt;big&gt;1889&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Screma&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Donna&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Kitchen&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Frightmare&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Me&lt;/big&gt;, &lt;big&gt;Myself&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;and&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;A.I.&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Area&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;51&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Adjacent&lt;/big&gt;'''
:''[After the alien revealed to be General Stall]''
:'''General Stall''': And l would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling... No, not meddling. It starts with an M.
:'''General Colonel''': Meddling has an M.
:'''General Stall''': What sounds like &quot;meddling&quot;?
:'''Shaggy''': Meddling.
:'''General Stall''': No, no. Complete the sentence. &quot;I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you, blank, kids.&quot;
:'''Fred''': Meddling.
:'''General Stall''': Different M. Come on.
:'''General Colonel''': Take him away!
:''[Stall and the soldiers leave]''
:'''General Stall''': You know, like you'd say if you were foiled by some teens in the 70s? Rhymes with beddling.
:'''&lt;big&gt;Where&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;There's&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;a&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Wraith&lt;/big&gt;, &lt;big&gt;There's&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;a&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Way&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Scary&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Christmas&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;If&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;You&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Can't&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Scooby&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;-Doo the Time, Don't Scooby&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;-&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Doo&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;the&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Crime&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Gremlin on&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;a&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Plane&lt;/big&gt;'''
:''[After the Airplane Mystery Machine landed]''
:'''Velma''': ''[to Ed, who's relevaled to be the Gremlin]'' OK, that's your cue.
:'''Ed''': ''[fearfully stuttering]'' And l would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you, meddling kids.
:'''&lt;big&gt;Socerer&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Snacks&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Scare&lt;/big&gt;'''
:'''&lt;big&gt;Saga&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;of&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;the&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Swamp&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Beast&lt;/big&gt;'''
:
:
:

===Be Cold, Scooby-Doo!===
:''[After seeing the snow monster]''
:'''Shaggy''': Run!
:'''Fred''': Where!
:'''Daphne''': There!
:''[Daphne points at the downhill with snow trees]''
:'''Velma''': That's the worst idea in the history of thinking.
:'''Fred''': We could stand our ground and fight.
:'''Velma''': ''(To Daphne)'' I apologize. ''(To Fred)'' That's the worst idea in the history of thinking.

===Giant Problems===
'''&lt;big&gt;Eating&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;Crow&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;big&gt;'''I''' '''Scooby'''&lt;/big&gt; '''&lt;big&gt;Dooby Doo&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;big&gt;'''El''' '''Bandito'''&lt;/big&gt;

'''&lt;big&gt;Into&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;the&lt;/big&gt;''' &lt;big&gt;'''Mouth''' '''of''' '''Madcap'''&lt;/big&gt;

'''Fred''': This clown is really... ''[takes off the mask of Madcap, revealing to be Oopsy]'' this clown.

'''Scooby''': Oopsy?!

'''Oopsy''': ''[sheepish]'' Oopsy.

&lt;big&gt;'''The''' '''Norse''' '''Case''' '''Scenario'''&lt;/big&gt;

'''Ranger Mark''': And we would have gotten away with it too, if you meddling kids weren't so excited to eat food out of the trash.

'''Scooby''': l'll live with that.

'''&lt;big&gt;The&lt;/big&gt;''' &lt;big&gt;'''People''' '''vs'''. '''Fred''' '''Jones'''&lt;/big&gt;

== Season 2 ==
Random

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Boomerang shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]</text>
      <sha1>06uu6q1nb02mgns0o3it7x5hoyrvzyh</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hobgoblins (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>192720</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951771</id>
      <parentid>3913928</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:57:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:1980s American films]]; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951771</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4012" sha1="8v26a0riw1fil4f3wodvn4t9dmd8ond" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hobgoblins (film)|Hobgoblins]]''''' is a [[w:1988 in film|1988 film]] about a young security guard who must track down diminutive aliens.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Rick Sloane|Rick Sloane]].''
{{center|'''Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

{{film-stub}}
== Kyle ==
* ''[as everyone is making out and Mr. McCreedy hangs up the phone]'' Uh... excuse me sir, can I use your phone?

== Nick ==
* ''[Amy, Daphne, and Kyle are &quot;fighting&quot; the hobgoblins]'' Must be a new dance... pretty kinky.

== Other ==
* '''Roadrash''': Must have been a rowdy crowd tonight.

* '''McCreedy''': The vault... I tried to warn you... those creatures... the vault... I tried... All my work! Thirty years, I have tried to prevent this from happening.

* '''Comstock''': ''[to McCreedy]'' You're not as young as you used to be!

== Dialogue ==
:'''McCreedy''': ''[Dennis is listening to his radio]'' Dennis. Dennis! ''[takes off his headphones]''
:'''Dennis''': Hey! What gives?
:'''McCreedy''': You're being paid to work around here, not just sit around and blast your eardrums!
:'''Dennis''': Hey, take it easy. I can do both. ''[smiles]''
:'''McCreedy''': ''[a phone rings, McCreedy answers]'' Hello? Hello? ''[hangs up]'' Didn't you hear the phone ringing?
:'''Dennis''': No, I didn't.
:'''McCreedy''': They've already hung up!
:'''Dennis''': Then, it couldn't have been too important.
:'''McCreedy''': Don't you have any sense of responsibility? That could have been a very important call!
:'''Dennis''': At this hour?
:'''McCreedy''': Look, in the future, would you just answer the phone no matter what hour it is and not to make decisions about what is important and what isn't?
:'''Dennis''': Yeah, yeah, right, right.
:'''McCreedy''': It's time for our rounds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''McCreedy''': ''[McCreedy and Dennis are roaming around inside the lot]'' Did I ever tell you about what this studio lot was like?
:'''Dennis''': More than once.
:'''McCreedy''': ''[smiles]'' Oh, this used to be one of the biggest lots in town!
:'''Dennis''': Must have been a wild ride to Metropolis.
:''[both chuckle]''
:'''Dennis''': Hey, wait a minute. What's this down there?
:'''McCreedy''': Oh, it's just an old film vault. There's nothing down there.
:'''Dennis''': Well, why don't we check it out anyways?
:'''McCreedy''': I'm telling you there's nothing down there and I'm not going to waste my time checking it out!
:'''Comstock''': ''[Through the walkie-talkie]'' McCreedy!
:'''McCreedy''': ''[to Comstock]'' What is it now?
:'''Comstock''': I need to talk to you now.
:'''McCreedy''': But I can't right now!
:'''Comstock''': NOW! I mean it!
:'''McCreedy''': I'll be right back. Oh, and remember what I said about the vault.
:'''Dennis''': ''[putting on headphones]'' Whatever you say, pops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Comstock''': ''[McCreedy is going to search for Kevin]'' I will not have you abandoning your job to go chase some foolishness! If you walk off this lot, you are FIRED!
:'''McCreedy''': Well, good! Saves me the trouble of quitting.

== Taglines ==
* Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it!

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* Tom Bartlett — Kevin
* Paige Sullivan — Amy
* Steven Boggs — Kyle
* Kelley Palmer — Daphne
* Billy Frank — Nick
* Tamara Clatterbuck — Fantazia
* [[w:Duane Whitaker|Duane Whitaker]] — Roadrash
* [[w:Daran Norris|Daran Norris]] — Club Scum M.C
* Jeffrey Culver - McCreedy
* Kevin Kildow - Dennis
* Kari French - Pixie
* James Mayberry - Sergeant Parker
* Ken Abraham - Thug
* Don Barrett - Comstock
* [[w:Cole Coonce|Cole Coonce]] - Fontanelles—Guitar
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0089280|title=Hobgoblins}}

[[Category:1988 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Films about hypnosis]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:American independent films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]</text>
      <sha1>8v26a0riw1fil4f3wodvn4t9dmd8ond</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951772</id>
      <parentid>3951771</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:58:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951772</origin>
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      <text bytes="4051" sha1="ngm0dswdvwe0wj9f5uy1ih894snxlbl" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hobgoblins (film)|Hobgoblins]]''''' is a [[w:1988 in film|1988 film]] about a young security guard who must track down diminutive aliens.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Rick Sloane|Rick Sloane]].''
{{center|'''Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it!'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

{{film-stub}}
== Kyle ==
* ''[as everyone is making out and Mr. McCreedy hangs up the phone]'' Uh... excuse me sir, can I use your phone?

== Nick ==
* ''[Amy, Daphne, and Kyle are &quot;fighting&quot; the hobgoblins]'' Must be a new dance... pretty kinky.

== Other ==
* '''Roadrash''': Must have been a rowdy crowd tonight.

* '''McCreedy''': The vault... I tried to warn you... those creatures... the vault... I tried... All my work! Thirty years, I have tried to prevent this from happening.

* '''Comstock''': ''[to McCreedy]'' You're not as young as you used to be!

== Dialogue ==
:'''McCreedy''': ''[Dennis is listening to his radio]'' Dennis. Dennis! ''[takes off his headphones]''
:'''Dennis''': Hey! What gives?
:'''McCreedy''': You're being paid to work around here, not just sit around and blast your eardrums!
:'''Dennis''': Hey, take it easy. I can do both. ''[smiles]''
:'''McCreedy''': ''[a phone rings, McCreedy answers]'' Hello? Hello? ''[hangs up]'' Didn't you hear the phone ringing?
:'''Dennis''': No, I didn't.
:'''McCreedy''': They've already hung up!
:'''Dennis''': Then, it couldn't have been too important.
:'''McCreedy''': Don't you have any sense of responsibility? That could have been a very important call!
:'''Dennis''': At this hour?
:'''McCreedy''': Look, in the future, would you just answer the phone no matter what hour it is and not to make decisions about what is important and what isn't?
:'''Dennis''': Yeah, yeah, right, right.
:'''McCreedy''': It's time for our rounds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''McCreedy''': ''[McCreedy and Dennis are roaming around inside the lot]'' Did I ever tell you about what this studio lot was like?
:'''Dennis''': More than once.
:'''McCreedy''': ''[smiles]'' Oh, this used to be one of the biggest lots in town!
:'''Dennis''': Must have been a wild ride to Metropolis.
:''[both chuckle]''
:'''Dennis''': Hey, wait a minute. What's this down there?
:'''McCreedy''': Oh, it's just an old film vault. There's nothing down there.
:'''Dennis''': Well, why don't we check it out anyways?
:'''McCreedy''': I'm telling you there's nothing down there and I'm not going to waste my time checking it out!
:'''Comstock''': ''[Through the walkie-talkie]'' McCreedy!
:'''McCreedy''': ''[to Comstock]'' What is it now?
:'''Comstock''': I need to talk to you now.
:'''McCreedy''': But I can't right now!
:'''Comstock''': NOW! I mean it!
:'''McCreedy''': I'll be right back. Oh, and remember what I said about the vault.
:'''Dennis''': ''[putting on headphones]'' Whatever you say, pops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Comstock''': ''[McCreedy is going to search for Kevin]'' I will not have you abandoning your job to go chase some foolishness! If you walk off this lot, you are FIRED!
:'''McCreedy''': Well, good! Saves me the trouble of quitting.

== Taglines ==
* Be careful what you wish for... You just might get it!

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* Tom Bartlett — Kevin
* Paige Sullivan — Amy
* Steven Boggs — Kyle
* Kelley Palmer — Daphne
* Billy Frank — Nick
* Tamara Clatterbuck — Fantazia
* [[w:Duane Whitaker|Duane Whitaker]] — Roadrash
* [[w:Daran Norris|Daran Norris]] — Club Scum M.C
* Jeffrey Culver - McCreedy
* Kevin Kildow - Dennis
* Kari French - Pixie
* James Mayberry - Sergeant Parker
* Ken Abraham - Thug
* Don Barrett - Comstock
* [[w:Cole Coonce|Cole Coonce]] - Fontanelles—Guitar
}}

== See also ==
* ''[[Hobgoblins 2]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0089280|title=Hobgoblins}}

[[Category:1988 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Films about hypnosis]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:American independent films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]</text>
      <sha1>ngm0dswdvwe0wj9f5uy1ih894snxlbl</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hobgoblins 2</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>192722</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951768</id>
      <parentid>3609050</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:54:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Independent films]]; added [[Category:American independent films]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951768</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1735" sha1="ps7l5zfrcku3nw6ffmf8ajsjtgpwyj5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hobgoblins 2|Hobgoblins 2]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] about a group of teens who are revisited by a group of small aliens.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Rick Sloane|Rick Sloane]].''
{{center|'''Don't Say We Didn't Warn You'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Nick ==
* Just keep telling yourself &quot;It's only a movie. It's only a low budget movie.&quot;

== McCreedy ==
* Remember, Kevin. Everyone has a hobgoblin in them.

* ''[Kyle is getting strangled by a Fantazia hobgoblin]'' Destroy the computer before she takes his soul!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Daphne''': Remember those creatures we were warned about? One of them is loose in this house!
:'''Nick''': Wow, I guess insanity IS contagious!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Will you stop patronizing me? I was the only one who was there for you when you had identity theft on your credit card.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, I had forgotten about that.
:'''Kevin''': Yeah, you needed a reference to verify that you DIDN'T spend $2,000 in computer sex websites.
:'''Kyle''': And you were the only one stupid enough to believe my story.

== Taglines ==
* Don't Say We Didn't Warn You

== Cast ==
* Josh Mills  — Kevin
* Chanel Ryan — Fantazia
* Sabrina Bolin — Amy
* Jason Buuck — Nick
* Josh Green — Kyle
* Jordana Berliner — Daphne
* Ashley Ausburn — Buffy
* Roland Esquivel — McCreedy

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0962728|title=Hobgoblins 2}}
* {{amg movie|486568}}

[[Category:2009 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Direct-to-video films]]
[[Category:American independent films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]</text>
      <sha1>ps7l5zfrcku3nw6ffmf8ajsjtgpwyj5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951770</id>
      <parentid>3951768</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:55:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:2000s American films]]; ±[[Category:2009 films]]→[[Category:2009 American films]]; ±[[Category:Sequel films]]→[[Category:American sequel films]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951770</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1719" sha1="brzp6eslkt97lztnjbm4z12rcb6kugm" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hobgoblins 2|Hobgoblins 2]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] about a group of teens who are revisited by a group of small aliens.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Rick Sloane|Rick Sloane]].''
{{center|'''Don't Say We Didn't Warn You'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Nick ==
* Just keep telling yourself &quot;It's only a movie. It's only a low budget movie.&quot;

== McCreedy ==
* Remember, Kevin. Everyone has a hobgoblin in them.

* ''[Kyle is getting strangled by a Fantazia hobgoblin]'' Destroy the computer before she takes his soul!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Daphne''': Remember those creatures we were warned about? One of them is loose in this house!
:'''Nick''': Wow, I guess insanity IS contagious!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Will you stop patronizing me? I was the only one who was there for you when you had identity theft on your credit card.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, I had forgotten about that.
:'''Kevin''': Yeah, you needed a reference to verify that you DIDN'T spend $2,000 in computer sex websites.
:'''Kyle''': And you were the only one stupid enough to believe my story.

== Taglines ==
* Don't Say We Didn't Warn You

== Cast ==
* Josh Mills  — Kevin
* Chanel Ryan — Fantazia
* Sabrina Bolin — Amy
* Jason Buuck — Nick
* Josh Green — Kyle
* Jordana Berliner — Daphne
* Ashley Ausburn — Buffy
* Roland Esquivel — McCreedy

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0962728|title=Hobgoblins 2}}
* {{amg movie|486568}}

[[Category:2009 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Direct-to-video films]]
[[Category:American independent films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]</text>
      <sha1>brzp6eslkt97lztnjbm4z12rcb6kugm</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951773</id>
      <parentid>3951770</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:59:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951773</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1788" sha1="jqdoi5os0t80hnwn0rwku6slej744l7" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hobgoblins 2|Hobgoblins 2]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009 film]] about a group of teens who are revisited by a group of small aliens.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Rick Sloane|Rick Sloane]].''
{{center|'''Don't Say We Didn't Warn You'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

{{film-stub}}
== Nick ==
* Just keep telling yourself &quot;It's only a movie. It's only a low budget movie.&quot;

== McCreedy ==
* Remember, Kevin. Everyone has a hobgoblin in them.

* ''[Kyle is getting strangled by a Fantazia hobgoblin]'' Destroy the computer before she takes his soul!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Daphne''': Remember those creatures we were warned about? One of them is loose in this house!
:'''Nick''': Wow, I guess insanity IS contagious!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Will you stop patronizing me? I was the only one who was there for you when you had identity theft on your credit card.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, I had forgotten about that.
:'''Kevin''': Yeah, you needed a reference to verify that you DIDN'T spend $2,000 in computer sex websites.
:'''Kyle''': And you were the only one stupid enough to believe my story.

== Taglines ==
* Don't Say We Didn't Warn You

== Cast ==
* Josh Mills  — Kevin
* Chanel Ryan — Fantazia
* Sabrina Bolin — Amy
* Jason Buuck — Nick
* Josh Green — Kyle
* Jordana Berliner — Daphne
* Ashley Ausburn — Buffy
* Roland Esquivel — McCreedy

== See also ==
* ''[[Hobgoblins (film)|Hobgoblins]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0962728|title=Hobgoblins 2}}
* {{amg movie|486568}}

[[Category:2009 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Direct-to-video films]]
[[Category:American independent films]]
[[Category:Science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]</text>
      <sha1>jqdoi5os0t80hnwn0rwku6slej744l7</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mighty Magiswords</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>193230</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951669</id>
      <parentid>3951516</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:57:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-33638-43</username>
        <id>3337425</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951669</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5331" sha1="ko8sf4apkjhm4l24vtu4e6w4lrw0jvj" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mighty Magiswords|Mighty Magiswords]]''''' (2016–19), also referred to as '''''Magiswords'''' for short and spelled &quot;'''''Mighty MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-Swords'''''&quot; or &quot;'''''Magi Swords'''''&quot;, was an American Flash animated fantasy comedy online and television series created by [[w:Kyle A. Carrozza|Kyle A. Carrozza]]. It is about Prohyas and Vambre Warrior, a pair of sibling teammates of the Warriors for Hire that are the leader and vice leader of the Adventurers of the Atmosphere, who go on hilarious adventures and crazy quests around a planet known as the Magisword Planet of Lyvsheria located within a video game atmosphere named &quot;the Magiswordsphere&quot; to find and collect [[magic sword]]s called Super Mighty Magiswords.

{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
===''Case Clothed'' [1.03]===
:'''Prohyas''': Ahoy there, lads. Stand back, or I'll pip-pip you right in the cheerios.

===''Cleanliness Is Next to Grupliness'' [1.05]===
:'''Vambre''': Grup, please come down from there.
:'''Grup''': No! You guys have been acting weird all day, and I don't like it.
:'''Prohyas''': It's okay, duder. Just come down, and I'll show you my favorite Magisword trick: dolphin water.
:'''Grup''': Dolphin wa...?! You guys are doing this on purpose?! Oh, I'm getting outta here.
:''[He flies out of the house and Vambre and Prohyas started chasing him]''

===''Potion in the Ocean'' [1.11]===
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': At last, they're all mine. ''[digging the bag]'' Hello... ''[sees an acorn]'' acorn? ''[picking up more acorns]'' Acorns? Acorns? Acorns? ''Golden'' acorns?!
:''[Mr. Packadermus Packard spills the bag full of acorns]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': NOTHING, BUT ACORNS!!! ''[snarls in rage]'' '''''VAMBRE!!!!! PROHYAS!!!!!'''''

==Cast==
*{{w|Kyle A. Carrozza}} – Prohyas Warrior, Announcer, Battle Grup the Dragon, Nohyas, Handbre, Old Man Mr. Oldman, Slug Burger Clerk, Tree J, Piggy, Zombie Pumpkin Magisword, Super Mighty Magibot Robopiggeh Model No. 1.3 (RP-1.3), Oinkus Oinkus Magisword, Attractive Voice Magisword, Snowmanpire, Underground Handbeast, Goomer, Franklo, Attacktus, Prug, Squirrels, Helmut, Translator, Prohyas' Stomach, Biblia Tick, Monkey Chunks, Swish Navy Magisword, Naso, Hambus, Bird, Pirate 6, Pirate 7, Long Underwear Wolf, Wolf Translator, Reginald, Wobbles, Parrot Scissor Magisword
*[[Grey DeLisle]] – Vambre Marie Warrior, Princess Zange Rhyboflaven, Young Vambre, Mysterious Hooded Woman, Füd, Pirate 5, Pirate 4, Pirate 3
*{{w|Eric Bauza}} – Hoppus, Phil, King Rexxtopher, Landfill, Surveillance Dinos, Orange Speckled Stegosaurus
*[[Mr. Lawrence]] – Ralphio, Jest-O the Best-O, Dinosaur, Loch Mess Monster, Helmut (TV Series), Carnivorous Plant Magisword
*Lindsay Smith-Carrozza – Witchy Simone, Lady Hiss, Crowd Woman
*{{w|Arin Hanson}} – Gateaux, Delivery Man Steve, Zonq, Additional Voices
*{{w|Phil LaMarr}} – Noville at Arms, Long James Pirate Mayor, Sidney, Old Guy, Tall Uninteresting One
*{{w|Hal Lublin}} – Omnubis, Smashroom, Ice Posey, Pirate 1, Pirate 2, Pirate 8, Shopkeeper
*{{w|Mary Faber}} – Morbidia Steinberg, Additional Voices
*{{w|Luke Ski}} – Skullivan, Docky Boardman, Nyando, Additional Voices
*{{w|Candi Milo}} –  Vambre's Brain, Grand Poobah, Mascott, Additional Voices
*{{w|Jim Cummings}} - Keeper of the Mask, Buford, Barren Faceland, Talking Cauldron
*{{w|Townsend Coleman}} - Neddy the Mallet, Beeswax Crown
*{{w|Jess Harnell}} – Bag Puppets, Füd Fit Theme Song Singer
*{{w|Ken Mitchroney}} - Mr. Packard, House, Sales Deer
*{{w|Tom Kenny}} – Taunting Jester Magisword
*{{w|Kyle Massey}} – Mr. Spoony, Brachiosaurus, Ankylosaurus
*{{w|Kate Micucci}} – Penny Plasm, Baby
*{{w|Bill Kopp}} – Man Fish the Fish Man, Eel
*[[Dana Gould]] – Norman Warrior, Fish Pirate
*Renee Albert – Kablammica Warrior
*{{w|Judy Tenuta}} – Queen Porcina
*{{w|Pete Holmes}} – Teri Gargantuan the Spider
*{{w|&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic}} – Papa Kotassian, Additional Kotassians
*{{w|Erica Luttrell}} – Glori
*{{w|Jack McBrayer}} – Snax
*{{w|Gilbert Gottfried}} – Prohyas' Stomach
*{{w|Eddie Pepitone}} – Mr. DeBizz
*{{w|Dave Coulier}} – Murray Williams
*{{w|Jeff Bennett}} – Sir Grimmsibald Femursworth
*{{w|Dave &quot;Gruber&quot; Allen}} – Count Frostferatu
*{{w|Maria Bamford}}  – Tara Byte Administrator (T_B.admin) Version (Ver.) 11.0
*{{w|Micky Dolenz}} – Wendell the Love Grub
*{{w|Paul Schrier}} – Flonk

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://mightymagiswords.wikia.com/wiki/Mighty_Magiswords_Wiki] &amp;ndash; Mighty Magiswords Wiki page

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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      <id>3951670</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:57:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-33638-43</username>
        <id>3337425</id>
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      <text bytes="5332" sha1="3y6l457q576r3x5c4c812slype4girg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mighty Magiswords|Mighty Magiswords]]''''' (2016–19), also referred to as '''''Magiswords''''' for short and spelled &quot;'''''Mighty MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-Swords'''''&quot; or &quot;'''''Magi Swords'''''&quot;, was an American Flash animated fantasy comedy online and television series created by [[w:Kyle A. Carrozza|Kyle A. Carrozza]]. It is about Prohyas and Vambre Warrior, a pair of sibling teammates of the Warriors for Hire that are the leader and vice leader of the Adventurers of the Atmosphere, who go on hilarious adventures and crazy quests around a planet known as the Magisword Planet of Lyvsheria located within a video game atmosphere named &quot;the Magiswordsphere&quot; to find and collect [[magic sword]]s called Super Mighty Magiswords.

{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
===''Case Clothed'' [1.03]===
:'''Prohyas''': Ahoy there, lads. Stand back, or I'll pip-pip you right in the cheerios.

===''Cleanliness Is Next to Grupliness'' [1.05]===
:'''Vambre''': Grup, please come down from there.
:'''Grup''': No! You guys have been acting weird all day, and I don't like it.
:'''Prohyas''': It's okay, duder. Just come down, and I'll show you my favorite Magisword trick: dolphin water.
:'''Grup''': Dolphin wa...?! You guys are doing this on purpose?! Oh, I'm getting outta here.
:''[He flies out of the house and Vambre and Prohyas started chasing him]''

===''Potion in the Ocean'' [1.11]===
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': At last, they're all mine. ''[digging the bag]'' Hello... ''[sees an acorn]'' acorn? ''[picking up more acorns]'' Acorns? Acorns? Acorns? ''Golden'' acorns?!
:''[Mr. Packadermus Packard spills the bag full of acorns]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': NOTHING, BUT ACORNS!!! ''[snarls in rage]'' '''''VAMBRE!!!!! PROHYAS!!!!!'''''

==Cast==
*{{w|Kyle A. Carrozza}} – Prohyas Warrior, Announcer, Battle Grup the Dragon, Nohyas, Handbre, Old Man Mr. Oldman, Slug Burger Clerk, Tree J, Piggy, Zombie Pumpkin Magisword, Super Mighty Magibot Robopiggeh Model No. 1.3 (RP-1.3), Oinkus Oinkus Magisword, Attractive Voice Magisword, Snowmanpire, Underground Handbeast, Goomer, Franklo, Attacktus, Prug, Squirrels, Helmut, Translator, Prohyas' Stomach, Biblia Tick, Monkey Chunks, Swish Navy Magisword, Naso, Hambus, Bird, Pirate 6, Pirate 7, Long Underwear Wolf, Wolf Translator, Reginald, Wobbles, Parrot Scissor Magisword
*[[Grey DeLisle]] – Vambre Marie Warrior, Princess Zange Rhyboflaven, Young Vambre, Mysterious Hooded Woman, Füd, Pirate 5, Pirate 4, Pirate 3
*{{w|Eric Bauza}} – Hoppus, Phil, King Rexxtopher, Landfill, Surveillance Dinos, Orange Speckled Stegosaurus
*[[Mr. Lawrence]] – Ralphio, Jest-O the Best-O, Dinosaur, Loch Mess Monster, Helmut (TV Series), Carnivorous Plant Magisword
*Lindsay Smith-Carrozza – Witchy Simone, Lady Hiss, Crowd Woman
*{{w|Arin Hanson}} – Gateaux, Delivery Man Steve, Zonq, Additional Voices
*{{w|Phil LaMarr}} – Noville at Arms, Long James Pirate Mayor, Sidney, Old Guy, Tall Uninteresting One
*{{w|Hal Lublin}} – Omnubis, Smashroom, Ice Posey, Pirate 1, Pirate 2, Pirate 8, Shopkeeper
*{{w|Mary Faber}} – Morbidia Steinberg, Additional Voices
*{{w|Luke Ski}} – Skullivan, Docky Boardman, Nyando, Additional Voices
*{{w|Candi Milo}} –  Vambre's Brain, Grand Poobah, Mascott, Additional Voices
*{{w|Jim Cummings}} - Keeper of the Mask, Buford, Barren Faceland, Talking Cauldron
*{{w|Townsend Coleman}} - Neddy the Mallet, Beeswax Crown
*{{w|Jess Harnell}} – Bag Puppets, Füd Fit Theme Song Singer
*{{w|Ken Mitchroney}} - Mr. Packard, House, Sales Deer
*{{w|Tom Kenny}} – Taunting Jester Magisword
*{{w|Kyle Massey}} – Mr. Spoony, Brachiosaurus, Ankylosaurus
*{{w|Kate Micucci}} – Penny Plasm, Baby
*{{w|Bill Kopp}} – Man Fish the Fish Man, Eel
*[[Dana Gould]] – Norman Warrior, Fish Pirate
*Renee Albert – Kablammica Warrior
*{{w|Judy Tenuta}} – Queen Porcina
*{{w|Pete Holmes}} – Teri Gargantuan the Spider
*{{w|&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic}} – Papa Kotassian, Additional Kotassians
*{{w|Erica Luttrell}} – Glori
*{{w|Jack McBrayer}} – Snax
*{{w|Gilbert Gottfried}} – Prohyas' Stomach
*{{w|Eddie Pepitone}} – Mr. DeBizz
*{{w|Dave Coulier}} – Murray Williams
*{{w|Jeff Bennett}} – Sir Grimmsibald Femursworth
*{{w|Dave &quot;Gruber&quot; Allen}} – Count Frostferatu
*{{w|Maria Bamford}}  – Tara Byte Administrator (T_B.admin) Version (Ver.) 11.0
*{{w|Micky Dolenz}} – Wendell the Love Grub
*{{w|Paul Schrier}} – Flonk

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://mightymagiswords.wikia.com/wiki/Mighty_Magiswords_Wiki] &amp;ndash; Mighty Magiswords Wiki page

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
      <sha1>3y6l457q576r3x5c4c812slype4girg</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951680</id>
      <parentid>3951670</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T14:40:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-33638-43</username>
        <id>3337425</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951680</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5373" sha1="p1ggos9jk922txsz5qyulpieicngd8e" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mighty Magiswords|Mighty Magiswords]]''''' (2016–19), also referred to as '''''Magiswords''''', '''''Mighty Magi''''' or '''''Magi''''' for short and spelled &quot;'''''Mighty MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-Swords'''''&quot; or &quot;'''''Magi Swords'''''&quot;, was an American Flash animated fantasy comedy online and television series created by [[w:Kyle A. Carrozza|Kyle A. Carrozza]]. It is about Prohyas and Vambre Warrior, a pair of sibling teammates of the Warriors for Hire that are the leader and vice leader of the Adventurers of the Atmosphere, who go on hilarious adventures and crazy quests around a planet known as the Magisword Planet of Lyvsheria located within a video game atmosphere named &quot;the Magiswordsphere&quot; to find and collect [[magic sword]]s called Super Mighty Magiswords.

{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
===''Case Clothed'' [1.03]===
:'''Prohyas''': Ahoy there, lads. Stand back, or I'll pip-pip you right in the cheerios.

===''Cleanliness Is Next to Grupliness'' [1.05]===
:'''Vambre''': Grup, please come down from there.
:'''Grup''': No! You guys have been acting weird all day, and I don't like it.
:'''Prohyas''': It's okay, duder. Just come down, and I'll show you my favorite Magisword trick: dolphin water.
:'''Grup''': Dolphin wa...?! You guys are doing this on purpose?! Oh, I'm getting outta here.
:''[He flies out of the house and Vambre and Prohyas started chasing him]''

===''Potion in the Ocean'' [1.11]===
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': At last, they're all mine. ''[digging the bag]'' Hello... ''[sees an acorn]'' acorn? ''[picking up more acorns]'' Acorns? Acorns? Acorns? ''Golden'' acorns?!
:''[Mr. Packadermus Packard spills the bag full of acorns]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': NOTHING, BUT ACORNS!!! ''[snarls in rage]'' '''''VAMBRE!!!!! PROHYAS!!!!!'''''

==Cast==
*{{w|Kyle A. Carrozza}} – Prohyas Warrior, Announcer, Battle Grup the Dragon, Nohyas, Handbre, Old Man Mr. Oldman, Slug Burger Clerk, Tree J, Piggy, Zombie Pumpkin Magisword, Super Mighty Magibot Robopiggeh Model No. 1.3 (RP-1.3), Oinkus Oinkus Magisword, Attractive Voice Magisword, Snowmanpire, Underground Handbeast, Goomer, Franklo, Attacktus, Prug, Squirrels, Helmut, Translator, Prohyas' Stomach, Biblia Tick, Monkey Chunks, Swish Navy Magisword, Naso, Hambus, Bird, Pirate 6, Pirate 7, Long Underwear Wolf, Wolf Translator, Reginald, Wobbles, Parrot Scissor Magisword
*[[Grey DeLisle]] – Vambre Marie Warrior, Princess Zange Rhyboflaven, Young Vambre, Mysterious Hooded Woman, Füd, Pirate 5, Pirate 4, Pirate 3
*{{w|Eric Bauza}} – Hoppus, Phil, King Rexxtopher, Landfill, Surveillance Dinos, Orange Speckled Stegosaurus
*[[Mr. Lawrence]] – Ralphio, Jest-O the Best-O, Dinosaur, Loch Mess Monster, Helmut (TV Series), Carnivorous Plant Magisword
*Lindsay Smith-Carrozza – Witchy Simone, Lady Hiss, Crowd Woman
*{{w|Arin Hanson}} – Gateaux, Delivery Man Steve, Zonq, Additional Voices
*{{w|Phil LaMarr}} – Noville at Arms, Long James Pirate Mayor, Sidney, Old Guy, Tall Uninteresting One
*{{w|Hal Lublin}} – Omnubis, Smashroom, Ice Posey, Pirate 1, Pirate 2, Pirate 8, Shopkeeper
*{{w|Mary Faber}} – Morbidia Steinberg, Additional Voices
*{{w|Luke Ski}} – Skullivan, Docky Boardman, Nyando, Additional Voices
*{{w|Candi Milo}} –  Vambre's Brain, Grand Poobah, Mascott, Additional Voices
*{{w|Jim Cummings}} - Keeper of the Mask, Buford, Barren Faceland, Talking Cauldron
*{{w|Townsend Coleman}} - Neddy the Mallet, Beeswax Crown
*{{w|Jess Harnell}} – Bag Puppets, Füd Fit Theme Song Singer
*{{w|Ken Mitchroney}} - Mr. Packard, House, Sales Deer
*{{w|Tom Kenny}} – Taunting Jester Magisword
*{{w|Kyle Massey}} – Mr. Spoony, Brachiosaurus, Ankylosaurus
*{{w|Kate Micucci}} – Penny Plasm, Baby
*{{w|Bill Kopp}} – Man Fish the Fish Man, Eel
*[[Dana Gould]] – Norman Warrior, Fish Pirate
*Renee Albert – Kablammica Warrior
*{{w|Judy Tenuta}} – Queen Porcina
*{{w|Pete Holmes}} – Teri Gargantuan the Spider
*{{w|&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic}} – Papa Kotassian, Additional Kotassians
*{{w|Erica Luttrell}} – Glori
*{{w|Jack McBrayer}} – Snax
*{{w|Gilbert Gottfried}} – Prohyas' Stomach
*{{w|Eddie Pepitone}} – Mr. DeBizz
*{{w|Dave Coulier}} – Murray Williams
*{{w|Jeff Bennett}} – Sir Grimmsibald Femursworth
*{{w|Dave &quot;Gruber&quot; Allen}} – Count Frostferatu
*{{w|Maria Bamford}}  – Tara Byte Administrator (T_B.admin) Version (Ver.) 11.0
*{{w|Micky Dolenz}} – Wendell the Love Grub
*{{w|Paul Schrier}} – Flonk

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://mightymagiswords.wikia.com/wiki/Mighty_Magiswords_Wiki] &amp;ndash; Mighty Magiswords Wiki page

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
      <sha1>p1ggos9jk922txsz5qyulpieicngd8e</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951682</id>
      <parentid>3951680</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T14:43:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-33638-43</username>
        <id>3337425</id>
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      <origin>3951682</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="5362" sha1="ooskkzcxt0umcy5x8olz73dtrb0kw0c" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mighty Magiswords|Mighty Magiswords]]''''' (2016–19), also referred to as '''''Magiswords''''', '''''Mighty Magi''''' or '''''Magi''''' for short and spelled &quot;'''''Mighty MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi-Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Mighty Magi Swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''MagiSwords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-swords'''''&quot;, &quot;'''''Magi-Swords'''''&quot; or &quot;'''''Magi Swords'''''&quot;, was an American Flash animated fantasy comedy online and television series created by [[w:Kyle A. Carrozza|Kyle A. Carrozza]]. It is about Prohyas and Vambre Warrior, a pair of sibling teammates of the Warriors for Hire that are the leader and vice leader of the Adventurers of the Atmosphere, who go on hilarious adventures and crazy quests around a planet known as the Magiplanet of Lyvsheria located within a video game atmosphere named &quot;the Magisphere&quot; to find and collect [[magic sword]]s called Super Mighty Magiswords.

{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
===''Case Clothed'' [1.03]===
:'''Prohyas''': Ahoy there, lads. Stand back, or I'll pip-pip you right in the cheerios.

===''Cleanliness Is Next to Grupliness'' [1.05]===
:'''Vambre''': Grup, please come down from there.
:'''Grup''': No! You guys have been acting weird all day, and I don't like it.
:'''Prohyas''': It's okay, duder. Just come down, and I'll show you my favorite Magisword trick: dolphin water.
:'''Grup''': Dolphin wa...?! You guys are doing this on purpose?! Oh, I'm getting outta here.
:''[He flies out of the house and Vambre and Prohyas started chasing him]''

===''Potion in the Ocean'' [1.11]===
:''[last lines of the episode]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': At last, they're all mine. ''[digging the bag]'' Hello... ''[sees an acorn]'' acorn? ''[picking up more acorns]'' Acorns? Acorns? Acorns? ''Golden'' acorns?!
:''[Mr. Packadermus Packard spills the bag full of acorns]''
:'''Mr. Packadermus Packard''': NOTHING, BUT ACORNS!!! ''[snarls in rage]'' '''''VAMBRE!!!!! PROHYAS!!!!!'''''

==Cast==
*{{w|Kyle A. Carrozza}} – Prohyas Warrior, Announcer, Battle Grup the Dragon, Nohyas, Handbre, Old Man Mr. Oldman, Slug Burger Clerk, Tree J, Piggy, Zombie Pumpkin Magisword, Super Mighty Magibot Robopiggeh Model No. 1.3 (RP-1.3), Oinkus Oinkus Magisword, Attractive Voice Magisword, Snowmanpire, Underground Handbeast, Goomer, Franklo, Attacktus, Prug, Squirrels, Helmut, Translator, Prohyas' Stomach, Biblia Tick, Monkey Chunks, Swish Navy Magisword, Naso, Hambus, Bird, Pirate 6, Pirate 7, Long Underwear Wolf, Wolf Translator, Reginald, Wobbles, Parrot Scissor Magisword
*[[Grey DeLisle]] – Vambre Marie Warrior, Princess Zange Rhyboflaven, Young Vambre, Mysterious Hooded Woman, Füd, Pirate 5, Pirate 4, Pirate 3
*{{w|Eric Bauza}} – Hoppus, Phil, King Rexxtopher, Landfill, Surveillance Dinos, Orange Speckled Stegosaurus
*[[Mr. Lawrence]] – Ralphio, Jest-O the Best-O, Dinosaur, Loch Mess Monster, Helmut (TV Series), Carnivorous Plant Magisword
*Lindsay Smith-Carrozza – Witchy Simone, Lady Hiss, Crowd Woman
*{{w|Arin Hanson}} – Gateaux, Delivery Man Steve, Zonq, Additional Voices
*{{w|Phil LaMarr}} – Noville at Arms, Long James Pirate Mayor, Sidney, Old Guy, Tall Uninteresting One
*{{w|Hal Lublin}} – Omnubis, Smashroom, Ice Posey, Pirate 1, Pirate 2, Pirate 8, Shopkeeper
*{{w|Mary Faber}} – Morbidia Steinberg, Additional Voices
*{{w|Luke Ski}} – Skullivan, Docky Boardman, Nyando, Additional Voices
*{{w|Candi Milo}} –  Vambre's Brain, Grand Poobah, Mascott, Additional Voices
*{{w|Jim Cummings}} - Keeper of the Mask, Buford, Barren Faceland, Talking Cauldron
*{{w|Townsend Coleman}} - Neddy the Mallet, Beeswax Crown
*{{w|Jess Harnell}} – Bag Puppets, Füd Fit Theme Song Singer
*{{w|Ken Mitchroney}} - Mr. Packard, House, Sales Deer
*{{w|Tom Kenny}} – Taunting Jester Magisword
*{{w|Kyle Massey}} – Mr. Spoony, Brachiosaurus, Ankylosaurus
*{{w|Kate Micucci}} – Penny Plasm, Baby
*{{w|Bill Kopp}} – Man Fish the Fish Man, Eel
*[[Dana Gould]] – Norman Warrior, Fish Pirate
*Renee Albert – Kablammica Warrior
*{{w|Judy Tenuta}} – Queen Porcina
*{{w|Pete Holmes}} – Teri Gargantuan the Spider
*{{w|&quot;Weird Al&quot; Yankovic}} – Papa Kotassian, Additional Kotassians
*{{w|Erica Luttrell}} – Glori
*{{w|Jack McBrayer}} – Snax
*{{w|Gilbert Gottfried}} – Prohyas' Stomach
*{{w|Eddie Pepitone}} – Mr. DeBizz
*{{w|Dave Coulier}} – Murray Williams
*{{w|Jeff Bennett}} – Sir Grimmsibald Femursworth
*{{w|Dave &quot;Gruber&quot; Allen}} – Count Frostferatu
*{{w|Maria Bamford}}  – Tara Byte Administrator (T_B.admin) Version (Ver.) 11.0
*{{w|Micky Dolenz}} – Wendell the Love Grub
*{{w|Paul Schrier}} – Flonk

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://mightymagiswords.wikia.com/wiki/Mighty_Magiswords_Wiki] &amp;ndash; Mighty Magiswords Wiki page

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
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[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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    <title>Timothy Goes to School</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:35:51Z</timestamp>
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'''''[[w:Timothy Goes to School|Timothy Goes to School]]''''' is a children's animated television series based on the series of Yoko and other individual books by [[w:Rosemary Wells|Rosemary Wells]] such as ''&quot;Shy Charles&quot;'', ''&quot;Fritz and the Mess Fairy&quot;'', and ''&quot;[[w:Noisy Nora|Noisy Nora]]&quot;'', but is titled after the book of the same name. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.
 
It primarily features a young enthusiastic raccoon named Timothy (voiced by Austin Di Iulio), who attends a fictional [[w:Primary education|primary school]] called &quot;Hilltop School&quot; along with ten other students (each of which are of different animals) or eleven (counting Juanita; who appears in the final two episodes), who are mainly friends of him and each other. The kindergarten class is taught by Mrs. Jenkins, a comforting teacher who enjoys educating and helping her students.

==Season 1==

===Timothy Goes to School / Yoko [1.1]===
:''[First lines of the series. Timothy draws a picture of the sun. Timothy's mom appears. That is, Samantha --the name of his mother.]''
:'''Samantha''': Timothy, you have mail.
:'''Timothy''': Really, Mom? For me?
:'''Timothy's Dad''': It has your name on it.
:'''Timothy''': Wow, what is it?
:'''Timothy's Dad''': There's only one way to find out.
:'''Timothy''': Hmm...
:'''Timothy's Dad''': Open it.
:''[Samantha hands the letter to Timothy. Timothy open the letter and it's a card. Timothy looks at the card]''
:'''Timothy''': What does it say?
:'''Samantha''': It says: &quot;Guess who's invited to Mrs. Jenkins' kindergarten class at Hilltop School?&quot;
:''[Timothy opens the invitation and reveals a mirror]''
:'''Timothy''': Me! I'm invited. Can I go, Mom?
:'''Samantha''': Yes, Timothy. It's time to go to school.
:'''Timothy''': Right now?
:'''Timothy's Dad''': Tomorrow, after one more sleep. Good luck.
:'''Timothy''': ''[looks through himself in a small mirror from the card]'' Wow.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[When Timothy stops running, he won't know anybody on the bus]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[whispering]'' Mom.
:'''Samantha''': What's the matter, Timothy?
:'''Timothy''': I won't know anybody.
:'''Samantha''': Sure you will. ''[off-screen]'' Doris will be on the bus.
:'''Timothy''': ''[with an unhappy expression]'' Doris?
:'''Samantha''': ''[to her son]'' Have a great day. ''[kisses him]'' Good luck!
:''[Timothy waves good-bye to his mother and walks to the bus. He stops and sees the big yellow bus. A bus driver named Henry opens the doors and welcomes Timothy on board]''
:'''Henry''': ''[first lines]'' Hi, Timothy. I'm Henry. ''[off-screen]'' All aboard for Hilltop School.
:''[Timothy climbs into Henry's bus and waves hello to Henry]''
:'''Timothy''': Hi, Henry.
:''[Timothy suddenly sees everyone in the bus. Claude is wearing some school clothes while everyone stares at Timothy]''
:'''Doris''': ''[first lines; off-screen]'' Hey, Timothy! ''[on-screen]'' Come sit with me! Ha, ha!
:'''Timothy''': ''[to Doris]'' Hi, Doris.
:''[Timothy walks all the way to the end of the seat where Doris is waving at him. He suddenly sees Yoko who is sitting next to Charles]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[first lines; with a happy smile]'' Hello.
:'''Timothy''': ''[seeing Yoko for the first time]'' Hi.
:''[Timothy continues his way to the end of the seat. He now sits next to Doris and looks through the window. Then the bus drives away from Timothy's house as it heads to Hilltop School]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Wow! you're wearing the same shirt I am.
:'''Claude''': No, silly, you're wearing the same shirt ''I'' am.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[This scene regards to Yoko's [[w:sushi|Japanese lunches]].]'' 
:'''Yoko''': ''[off-screen]'' How come no one wants to trade with me, Timothy? ''[on-screen]'' I don't understand. ''[opens the sushi box]'' Mama made all my favorite food.
:'''Timothy''': ''[sees Yoko's favourite food which is [[w:sushi|sushi]]]'' The trouble with your favorite food is ''[off-screen]'' that it's no one else's favorite.
:'''Yoko''': But nothing beats sushi. ''[holds the sushi with chopsticks]'' There's a tasty treasure inside every piece.
:'''Frank #1''': ''[sniffing; groans in disgust]'' It's green. It's seaweed.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[sniffing]'' Oh-no, please do not tell me that it's raw fish.
:'''Doris''': Watch out, it's moving.
:'''Nora''': Yecch-o-rama!
:'''Doris''': ''[off-screen]'' Why can't your mother make you something normal?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Mrs. Jenkins listens to one unhappy sound in her classroom and becomes concerned about this. The viewers know this, as she says...!]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[hears Yoko sobbing]'' There's an unhappy student in my classroom. 
:''[Mrs. Jenkins walks up to Yoko's desk.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Yoko, what's wrong?
:''[The scene cuts to Yoko sobbing --Yoko is covering her eyes with her hands.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[sobs]'' Everybody laughed with my lunch. They think I'm weird.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': What did you bring for lunch?
:''[Yoko shows Mrs. Jenkins her sushi.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[in between tears, by which everyone won't be swayed any more]'' My favorite food.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After International Food Day ends]''
:'''Timothy''': How do you like International Food Day, Yoko?
:'''Yoko''': ''[sighs]'' I don't. How do you like International Food Day?
:'''Timothy''': It's hard to tell, I didn't get to try everything. Not Grace's Nigerian nut soup, Fritz's Italian spaghetti, Doris' Irish stew, Claude's mango smoothies, Nora's potato kannish, Charles' enchiladas, Lilly's quiche, or the Franks' Boston baked beans.
:'''Yoko''': And you did not try my deluxe sushi either. No one tried it, not even one piece.

===On The Fritz / The Great Obstacle Course [1.2]===
:'''Fritz''': Mom, my volcano didn't go off.
:''[This is Cleo. She is Fritz's mom. This is her first appearance in the TV series.]''
:'''Cleo''': Well, it certainly looks like a volcano went off in here. What about we tidy up before breakfast?
:'''Fritz''': Okay, Mom.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Do you know about the Mess Fairy, Yoko?
:'''Yoko''': I know about the Tooth Fairy.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Who's the Mess Fairy?
:'''Timothy''': I don't know. Ask Fritz.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The episode's first half introduces Ms. Appleberry --Mrs. Jenkins's student teacher.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Children? Say hello to our new student teacher. Her name is Ms. Appleberry.
:''[Ms. Appleberry says a big, long, &quot;GOOD MORNING&quot; --completed with her face shaking with her hands on her hips.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': &lt;big&gt;'''GOOD MORNING, BOYS AND GIRLS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The class responds back saying &quot;Good morning&quot; to Ms. Appleberry --also in a big, long, &quot;GOOD MORNING&quot;.]''
:'''All''': &lt;big&gt;'''GOOD MORNING, MS. APPLEBERRY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Indeed the class's student teacher --Ms. Appleberry-- is here to help out.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': It's the new Fritz, no more mess. Timothy, wait up!
:''[After Fritz leaves the classroom, the camera pans out to reveal the huge mess he has indeed left - included leaving on the sink, causing water to spill out of it and to the floor.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Do you think I'll win a gold medal, Mom?
:'''Samantha''': ''[giggles]'' I think you'll have fun trying.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': I can't wait until the egg and spoon race! It's my favorite! What's your favorite, Claude?
:'''Claude''': Winning.
:'''Timothy''': ''[shrugs his shoulders]'' Whatever.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': I hope I win. I've never won a gold medal before.
:'''Claude''': May the best man win.
:'''Grace''': Uh, you mean the best girl.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Doris sees that nobody is left for her to team up with her. She does not have a partner. She finds no team mate and says...!]''
:'''Doris''': ''[groaning]'' Aw...!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Doris, what's the matter?
:''[Doris --after finding no team mate-- she says that she doesn't have a buddy. That is, as she says...!]'' 
:'''Doris''': ''[in between groans]'' I don't have a team mate!
:''[Doris resumes groaning.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Sure you do. ''[tells Doris her answer of who is going to be her buddy]'' Me!
:'''Doris''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[about the egg and spoon race part in the obstacle course]'' Children, I'm sorry to announce that the egg and spoon race has been cancelled (for this year's obstacle course on this year's obstacle course day). Because it's due to a misunderstanding.
:''[The Franks are eating boiled eggs while babbling]''
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, very sorry.
:''[Nora finds out the said race is cancelled from this year's field day due to a misunderstanding by the Franks. Then she turns to the Franks after they ate her favorite race in the obstacle course. Nora --offscreen-- pushes Charles --her partner-- aside. Then --onscreen-- she approaches the Franks. Then she says...!]''
:'''Nora''': ''[to the Franks]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU ATE MY FAVORITE RACE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Both Nora and Charles glare at the Franks after they ate Nora's favorite race.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[to Nora]'' Not to worry, Nora. There are many more other races.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Who wants some jelly sandwich? Jelly's good for jumping.
:'''Yoko''': Yes, please.
:'''Nora''': Sure.
:'''Frank #1''': I do.
:'''Frank #2''': Me too.
:'''Fritz''': Me too. Thanks, Timothy.
:'''Doris''': I'll have some, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': Would you like some of my jelly sandwich, Claude? There's lots of jumping in the obstacle course.
:'''Claude''': No, thank you. We don't need it.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[as Claude and Grace runs to the finish line, they stop to a giant mud puddle]''
:'''Claude and Grace''': Mud! Eww!!
:'''Claude''': I'm not jumping in that.
:'''Grace''': It's disgusting! It will ruined my clothes.
:'''Nora''': Yahoo! yeah!
:''[Charles, Nora, Lily and Doris jumps into the mud. Charles is covered in mud]''
:'''Claude''': Come on Grace, We're losing.
:'''Grace''': Yecch.
:'''Claude''': Well, go around it.

===Small Change / Shy Charles [1.3]===
:''[Nora can't find her red shirt. She has looked in her dresser drawer and calls her mom about her red shirt after not finding it.]''
:'''Nora''': Mama? Where is my red shirt? I had it on yesterday...!
:''[Nora's Dad --Ken-- he adds the part of how Nora wore her favorite red shirt to school the day before yesterday. That is, as he says...!]''
:'''Ken''':  And (you wore that shirt) on the day before that. 
:''[After showing Nora her red shirt --even though he knows why it is her favorite-- he tells Nora why her red shirt that she had it on for three or four days before the said morning is in the laundry basket.]'' 
:'''Ken''': It is dirty. 
:''[Nora takes the red shirt out from the basket even though it is dirty. She wore that red shirt three or four days in a row. Now after three or four days, it is dirty]'' 
:'''Ken''': It is time to change into something new, Nora.
:''[Nora does not want to change. Not liking change, she tries to grab her red shirt and argues that she doesn't want to and her red shirt is her favorite. That is, as she says...!]''
:'''Nora''': I do not want to change! It is my favorite!
:''[Ken takes the red shirt from Nora because it is strictly speaking dirty. But Nora still doesn't want to change. Ken, he says...!]''
:'''Ken''': ''[in hopes that Nora is going to listen]'' Nora...?
:'''Nora''': Uh-uh!
:'''Ken''': Uh-huh.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': Mama, why do things have to change?
:'''Ruby''': If things didn't change, you'd still be a baby like Jack. Everything changes.
:''[The sound of the Henry's bus horn honks]''
:'''Ruby''': Except for the school bus, that's always the same.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': What are you making?
:'''Nora''': Angry crocodiles.
:'''Lilly''': ''[giggles]'' Guess what I'm making.
:'''Nora''': A big mess. ... Okay, what is it?
:'''Lilly''': It's a tree. You want to see?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Nora runs through the hall ways]''
:'''Nora''': I'm going to play on the swings.
:'''Frank #1''': No, we are.
:'''Nora''': No, I am.
:'''Frank #2''': No, we are!
:'''Nora''': No, I am!
:'''Frank #1''': Ooh. you're a good shouter.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, you're the best shouter.
:'''Frank #1''': &lt;big&gt;''' NO, I AM!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Nora''': &lt;big&gt;''' NO, I AM!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Mrs. Jenkins walks through the halls]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[tells Nora and the Franks to have their big voices outside]'' Big voices outside if you please.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': Where were you at recess?
:'''Timothy''': I was playing with Charles.
:'''Nora''': Charles doesn't like to play with anyone. He's shy.
:'''Timothy''': Hmm, he wasn't shy at recess.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Timothy stops running and founds a mop]''
:'''Timothy''': Hey. ''[waves the mop]'' Wow, great flag. I better ask Henry.
:''[Timothy enters the janitorial closet]''
:'''Timothy''': Henry? Henry?
:''[The mop falls down and pushes the door close and Timothy looked shocked. He tries to open the door but it won't open]''
:'''Timothy''': Oh no, help! I'm stuck, let me out. Help! Get me out of here! ''[Charles looks worried]'' Help! help! help! ''[Charles slides down and takes off his helmet]'' Help! Get me out of here! ''[Charles enters the hall]'' Hello? Is anybody here? help! ''[Charles looks at the door]'' I'm stuck. Hello? 
:''[Charles grabs the bucket, climbs up and looks through inside]''
:'''Charles''': I'm here, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': Charles, I think I'm locked in.
:''[Charles notices the emergency bell on the wall]''
:'''Charles''': Don't worry, ''[pushes the bucket]'' I know what to do.
:''[Outside the school, Mrs. Jenkins looks at her watch. As she tries to pull the rope, she and the students heard the emergency bell]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh my, an emergency!

===Don't Lose It Lily / Frank-less Frank [1.4]===
:''[Yoko is drawing lions and tigers]''
:'''Yoko''': I'm drawing lions and tigers. What are you drawing, Timothy?
:'''Timothy''': A pirate ship.
:'''Doris''': Ewww!!
:''[Timothy looks surprised]''
:'''Doris''': Charles is drawing creepy crawlies!
:''[Charles stops drawing]''
:'''Charles''': It's a sunrise. ''[picks up the drawing]'' See?
:''[Charles' drawing is finished. Doris really believes the sun is a big yellow spider]''
:'''Doris''': Eww! It's a spider! A big yellow spider! &lt;big&gt;'''I HATE SPIDERS!!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Doris runs away. If the spider was yellow, it may possibly be a real spider such as a [[w:Araneus marmoreus|marbled orb weaver]] or [[w:Nephilidae|golden orb weaver spider]].]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': Lilly always forgets where she puts things.
:'''Doris''': She'd forget her head if it wasn't screwed on tight.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Charles''': What's that on your finger?
:'''Lilly''': Mrs. Jenkins says if I tie a string around my finger, it'll help me remember where I put my things.
:'''Charles''': Does it work?
:'''Lilly''': Not yet.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': ''[bought the last ice cream cone from the ice cream truck]'' Look! 
:''[Grace then brags that she bought the last ice cream item saying it was the last one. Then she shows it in front of Lilly and Charles's faces. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Grace''': I have the last one! 
:''[She --Grace-- laughs. Then she runs away with the last ice cream. By the time Lilly and Charles get to the ice cream truck, the ice cream man/ice cream vendor which is shown to be possibly a beaver due to the paws shown, he closes the window. This means he's all sold out. Then it drives away. Lilly and Charles end up missing out with the ice cream for some reason.]''
:'''Ice Cream Vendor''': ''[driving away and to Lilly and Charles about him being sold out]'' (Sorry! Sold out!) 
:''[The ice cream man/ice cream vendor --off-screen-- puts a &quot;SOLD OUT&quot; sign near his selling window.]''
:'''Lilly''': ''[about Grace getting the very last ice cream]'' I am sorry, Charles. I've lost your place in line.
:'''Charles''': ''[also about Grace getting the very last ice cream]'' I know. 
:''[Sadly, both of them miss out with the ice cream. Grace got the very last ice cream item. Now Lilly and Charles cannot believe that Grace bought the very last one. The ice cream truck was out of product. So as a result, before Lilly or Charles could get to the ice cream, they are forced to miss out on it for one day. Lilly didn't get a nickel for ice cream. And even though Charles told Lilly he'd share his ice cream with Lilly, Grace was the last one to get the last ice cream. Lilly didn't get any ice cream. And she has no choice but to miss out with it.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[This episode's first half introduces Lilly's mom. Lilly's mom is named Susan. And this is Susan's first appearance in the TV series.]''
:'''Lilly''': ''[telling her mom how her day was at school]'' I remember everything about it. We drew pictures, I traded lunches, and I played hide and seek. 
:''[Lilly gets to the part about when she did not get ice cream after noting she didn't get it. She did not get any ice cream and neither did Charles. That is, not only did she forget her nickel but also, though Charles was supposed to share his ice cream cone with her, Grace had bought the last ice cream cone before Lily or Charles could get to it. Therefore, as she was forced to miss out with the ice cream, she tells her mom about the part when she didn't get ice cream. That is, as she says...!]''  
:'''Lilly''': But I didn't get any ice cream. 
:'''Susan''': That seems like a lot of things to do in one day. 
:''[Susan remembers that the same afternoon is tomorrow  --&quot;ice cream&quot;. So she understands about Lily --who wasn't able to get ice cream-- and prepares to give her a nickel for it so she does get ice cream.]''
:'''Susan''': Good remembering.
:'''Lilly''': My friend Charles helps me sometimes.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[On the second &quot;ice cream&quot; day]''
:'''Charles''': Lily, did you forget something?
:''[Now that Lilly has ice cream, she was going to give Charles the said ice cream cone after she ate the other one and does not know she has accidentally allowed the second to melt.]''
:'''Lilly''': Nope. Two zoom ice cream cones. One for me and one for...!
:''[The ice cream cone --for Charles-- is melted. The good news: Lilly, like the rest of her friends except Charles, got to have ice cream. So she got ice cream this time. But the bad news is Charles did not get any ice cream. That is, even though Lilly got it as she remembered her nickel. The ice cream cone for Charles, it is now melted and inedible. For some reason, Charles ends up missing out with the ice cream cone like Lilly did the day before, even though Lilly got an ice cream cone this time.]''
:'''Charles''': Me...?
:'''Lilly''': Oh, Charles...! I am sorry. 
:''[Lilly notes about her own and Charles' sympathy about their &quot;ice cream&quot; effort. Charles --reacting to this-- shrugs sadly and sighs as he is forced to miss out with the ice cream as a result for some reason. He has the same problem as Lilly did the previous day. Because the one that was for him had melted, even though Lilly was able to get ice cream for some reason. But he knows that there is always a &quot;next time&quot;. Lilly --from offscreen-- discards the melted and now-inedible ice cream cone and finishes the one she just bought.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #2''': ''[off-screen]'' Me before you, me first!
:'''Frank #1''': ''[off-screen]'' Me before you, me first!
:'''Timothy''': Here they go again.
:''[The Franks run past Timothy and Charles]''
:'''Frank #1''': Me before you, me first!
:''[The Franks smile and giggle]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Okay. We'll both go first.
:''[The two Franks tries to get inside until finally enter the school. Mrs. Jenkins shakes her head]''
:'''Frank #2''': One more time!
:''[Frank #1's ears droop]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[groans]'' Nah, I don't want to.
:'''Everyone''': Ohh!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Frank? Are you okay?
:'''Frank #1''': I guess so. Except I'm kinda itchy.
:''[He scratches his ear]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Hmm... Let me feel your forehead. ''[touches Frank #1's forehead]'' It feels a little warm.
:'''Frank #2''': Am I a little warm too?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': No, (Frank). you seem to be okay, but, Frank, you may have a fever. Let's go see the nurse.
:''[Frank #1 holds Mrs. Jenkins hand. Frank #2 looks sad]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Frank.
:'''Frank #2''': Huh? ''[turns around]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[referring to Frank #1]'' Where is Frank?
:'''Frank #2''': He is sick.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh dear. It certainly is going to be different with only one Frank.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #2''': I'd hate being the only Frank at school!
:'''Big Frank''': But if you don't go, there might be no Franks at school. You don't want that. Do you?
:''[By the meaning from Big Frank, he means that if there are no Franks at school thanks to Frank #2, the teacher and the other students would be counting on Frank #2 and hoping to see him in class. And they might see him missing since there would be no Franks.]''
:'''Frank #2''': I guess not.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': You want to be my puzzle partner?
:'''Frank #2''': Huh? Who, me?
:'''Timothy''': Yeah.
:'''Frank #2''': I've never had a partner who is not Frank.
:'''Timothy''': Come on. It'll be fun.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Hey, Frank. You want to play?
:'''Frank #2''': Who, me? I've never played with anyone who is not Frank.
:'''Timothy''': We were good puzzle partners. Maybe we can be good football partners.
:'''Frank #2''': Okay, let's play!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Frank, you're back.
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah, I'm not sick anymore.
:'''Frank #2''': Me before you, ''[laughs]'' me first! ''[runs to the door]''
:'''Frank #1''': Me before you, me first! 
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Okay. We'll both go first.
:''[The two Franks went through the door and finally enter the school]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[off-screen]'' One more time!
:''[Frank #2 groans. Mrs. Jenkins looked shocked]''
:'''Frank #2''': Nah, I do not feel like it.
:''[Frank #2 rubs his head. Frank #1 pokes out the door]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Uh-oh. ''[walks to Frank #2]'' Let me feel your forehead, Frank. ''[touches Frank #2's forehead]'' I think you got the fever Frank had (yesterday). Let's go see the nurse.
:''[Frank #1 watches Mrs. Jenkins and Frank #2 walks away from him. Frank #2 looks at Frank #1]''
:'''Frank #1''': Me before you! ''[his frown turned upside down]'' Oh yeah, There is no &quot;you.&quot;
:'''Timothy''': Here we go again. 
:''[Then after Timothy said &quot;here we go again&quot;, it may result with Frank #1 by being his partner]''

===Paint By Numbers / The Sleepover [1.5]===
:''[Timothy uses yellow paint and red paint and he made orange]''
:'''Timothy''': Hey, I mix red and yellow and I made orange.
:''[Yoko use yellow paint and blue paint and she made green]''
:'''Yoko''': I mix yellow and blue and I made green.
:''[Claude uses red paint and blue paint and he made purple]''
:'''Claude''': I made purple by mixing blue and red.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': See what happens if you add white or black to a color.
:''[Charles uses red paint and white paint and he made pink]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Look, Charles mixed red and white and made pink.
:'''Yoko''': That's very pretty, Charles.
:''[Frank #1 and Frank #2 had both made football brown]''
:'''Frank #2''': Ohh!
:'''Frank #1''': Look what we made.
:'''Frank #2''': Football brown.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Go, Franks, go! ''[laughing]''
:''[Doris uses a bunch of colors and she's making something that no-one has seen before]''
:'''Doris''': I mix a bunch of colors and I got this.
:'''Grace''': What is that color?
:''[Doris have made teal]''
:'''Doris''': I don't know. But I like it.
:'''Frank #1''': It's weird.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, I've never seen that football. That color.
:''[Charles walks to Doris]''
:'''Charles''': I like it.
:''[Doris smiles]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Doris is looking at abstract paintings in a museum]''
:'''Doris''': Wow. I like these paintings. They look like mine. What do you think, Charles?
:'''Charles''': They're almost as good as yours.
:'''Doris''': Thanks, Charles.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Samantha''': Guess what. Frank and Frank are going to sleep over tonight. Big Frank has to use his bulldozer to fix a bridge.
:'''Timothy''': What? Here? Tonight?
:'''Samantha''': Yes, dear.
:'''Timothy''': Oh.
:'''Samantha''': I thought you liked Frank and Frank.
:'''Timothy''': I do, but...
:'''Samantha''': What?
:'''Timothy''': Are they staying for dinner?
:'''Samantha''': Yes.
:'''Timothy''': Well, don't use those. Use the real plates.
:'''Samantha''': But I thought you liked those plates.
:'''Timothy''': Well, I just don't want Frank and Frank to think I'm a babe for some reason.
:'''Samantha''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Timothy's room, Timothy holds a toy penguin named Pengy]''
:'''Timothy''': Pengy, I have to hide you, or the Franks will laugh with me.
:''[under Timothy's bed]''
:'''Timothy''': Don't worry, It's just for tonight. ''[puts Pengy under the bed]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[while the Frank twins packing their stuff]''
:'''Frank #2''': Oh, I almost forgot this.
:''[Frank #2 put his toy bulldog named Bully inside the bag]''
:'''Frank #1''': Hey, what was that?
:'''Frank #2''': Nothing.
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah, it was.
:''[The Franks grab the bag]''
:'''Frank #2''': No.
:'''Frank #1''': What was it?
:'''Frank #2''': Get off, This is my bag.
:'''Frank #1''': Hey!
:'''Frank #2''': ''[grunts]'' No fair!
:''[The Franks tug over Frank #2's bag. Frank #1 touches Frank #2's cheek making him laugh. The Franks continue tugging over the bag]''
:'''Big Frank''': Hey, hey, hey, hey! This isn't the time for fun and games, so you can play at Timothy's house if you wish.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[grabs his bag]'' Yeah!
:''[Frank #2 runs out of the room]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Timothy turns on the lights. He holds Bully]''
:'''Timothy''': What's this?
:'''Frank #2''': ''[grabs Bully]'' It's Bully.
:'''Frank #1''': You brought that baby toy? Is that what you were hiding? Now the whole school is going to find out and laugh with us.
:'''Frank #2''': But, Bully makes feel better at night.
:'''Timothy''': ''[off-screen]'' I have a favorite bedtime toy, too. ''[on-screen when he gets Pengy out of his bed]'' He's Pengy.
:'''Frank #2''': We won't tell, If you won't tell.
:'''Timothy''': Yeah, I won't tell.
:'''Frank #1''': Promise?
:'''Timothy''': I'd promise.
:''[Timothy turns off the light while the house is outside, Frank #2 sleeps with Bully and Timothy sleeps with Pengy, Frank #1 hears strange sound downstairs and he looks scared and worried. Frank #1 hides in his sleeping bag as the episode ends]''

===The Music Tree / Team Project [1.6]===
:''[Henry is washing the bus until he can hear everyone practicing music]''
:'''Henry''': There's nothing like music class to help get the chores done. ''[chuckles]''
:''[The hose sprays him. Inside the school building, Mrs. Jenkins plays the xylophone]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': One, two. One, two. One, two. That's right, children.
:''[Everybody are playing their instruments. Yoko is playing her violin]''
:'''Timothy''': Yoko practice her music everyday.
:'''Doris''': She sounds good.
:''[As Yoko plays the violin, she make an awful note]''
:'''Yoko''': Why is everybody looking at me?
:'''Fritz''': Wow!
:'''Doris''': You're good, Yoko.
:'''Nora''': Yeah.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Well done, everyone, and well done, Yoko.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': I'll make a mistake and everybody will laugh with me, Mama.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': That might happen. But if you don't play your violin for other people, they will never get to here the beautiful music you hear all the time like I do. It is your choice, Yoko. You can decide after rehearsal tomorrow if you wish. Good luck!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': What's the matter?
:'''Yoko''': I'm nervous about playing my violin in front of the music tree with everyone watching.
:'''Timothy''': Don't worry, Yoko. We'll be right behind you.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The slurpee stars sit on the table while Claude works on the rocket. It is a slurpee, but not that [[w:Slurpee|Slurpee]]. That is, the slushy drink you buy from the convenience store [[w:7-Eleven|7-Eleven]].]''
:'''Timothy''': Hey, Claude, I got the slurpee stars.
:'''Claude''': ''[to Timothy]'' I already have some.
:''[Timothy looks at the other slurpee stars glue. He has a sad expression as the scene fades to black]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Claude didn't let me do anything, Mom. Not anything. I don't care if our space shuttle wins the special prize. It's no fun being partners with Claude. Isn't it?
:'''Samantha''': Oh. I'm so sorry, honey.

===Cherry Blossom / Talent Show [1.7]===
:''[During &quot;In the Spotlight&quot;]''
:'''Lilly''': I'm a little seed beginning to grow. I'm a little seed growing up through the dirt. I'm a little seed bursting into a...
:'''Doris''': Flower! The seed grew into a flower!
:'''Lilly''': Yes, Doris! April showers bring May flowers and that's what I know about springtime. ''[the class applauds]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Thank you for a wonderful In the Spotlight, Lilly.
:'''Lilly''': You're welcome, Mrs. Jenkins.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Claude''': [[w:Trees (poem)|I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as a tree]].

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #1''': Let's build a birdhouse!
:'''Frank #2''': Out of ice cream sticks!
:'''Frank #1''': Will we have to eat a lot of ice cream?
:'''Frank #2''': Only if we make a big one.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Okay, let's build a big one! ''[begin to giggle]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Frank and Frank, I have just the thing to help.
:'''Frank #1''': Maybe Mrs. J. has some ice cream for us!
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[brings a jar full of ice cream sticks]'' I enjoy ice cream too, from time to time.
:'''Frank #1''': Huh?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Here you go, boys.
:'''Frank #1''': ''[without enthusiasm]'' Gee, thanks, Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, thanks a lot. That's really swell.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': ''[after Timothy's kite gets stuck in a tree]'' Oh, no.
:'''Timothy''': That's okay. Maybe someday, my kite will get stuck in your cherry blossom tree.
:'''Yoko''': You really think so?
:'''Timothy''': Yep, I think it will, Yoko.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': I'm a majorette, Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': You look wonderful, dear. ''[to Claude]'' Are you a prince, Claude?
:'''Claude''': I'm a king.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Of course you are. ''[to the Franks]'' And you are?
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Football players. 
:''[The Franks run away from Mrs. Jenkins]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': What happened to your ankle, Grace?
:'''Grace''': I hurt it.
:'''Frank #1''': Did you fall off a tree?
:'''Grace''': No, I hurt it, dancing. (And I fell and sprained it.)
:'''Nora''': Maybe it will get better before the show.
:''[Even though Nora thinks that Grace's sprained ankle may heal before the show, Grace says it won't. Then she breaks down because she cannot be in the show after breaking her ankle even though the talent show is on tonight. What she means by that is that it is on and she's not going due to her broken ankle.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[sobs]'' No, it's not. I can't be in the show.
:''[Tears --which everyone will not be swayed by anymore-- roll down Grace's cheeks.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': I'm so sorry, Grace.
:'''Grace''': ''[in between tears]'' (I know.) But I practiced and practiced, Mrs. Jenkins. Now I can't dance. I can't even do anything.
:''[Two more tears roll down Grace's cheeks and she --Grace-- resumes crying.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': We can think of something.
:'''Doris''': You can watch.
:'''Grace''': ''[stops crying and hears a plan or suggestion from Doris]'' I don't want to just watch.
:'''Timothy''': ''[to Grace]'' Can you pull a curtain, Grace?
:'''Grace''': Of course, I can pull a curtain.
:'''Timothy''': Well, then, you can help me.
:'''Grace''': ''[looking at Timothy]'' Okay. ''[smiles]''
:''[Grace as a result is able to be in the talent show after all. But she's not able to do her talent. Instead, she's being Timothy's assistant]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In the talent show]''
:'''Samantha''': ''[when Grace had to miss out with doing her talent in the Talent Show after breaking her ankle]'' It is such a shame about Grace's ankle. Isn't it?
:'''Grace's Mom''': ''[sitting next to Timothy's mom]'' She was so looking forward to the show.

===Scary Monsters / Lifesaver Lilly [1.8]===
:'''Claude''': I know lots of dinosaurs, but I think [[w:Tyrannosaurus Rex|T-Rex]] is the best. He's the king of all dinosaurs.
:'''Timothy''': [[w:Diplodocus|Diplodocus]] was like a submarine. He can stay underwater forever because he had a nose on top of his head.
:'''Lilly''': I like [[w:Pterodactyl|Pterodactyl]]. She can fly, and she sleeps hanging upside down.
:'''Frank #1''': I like [[w:Stegosaurus|Stegosaurus]].
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, he had the brain of a meatball.
:''[The Franks begin to laugh]''
:'''Yoko''': [[w:Brachiosaurus|Brachiosaurus]] had a really stretchy, long neck to reach the highest trees. Which dinosaur do you like best, Nora?
:'''Nora''': Umm... well... I... uh...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Nora is frightened of dinosaurs.
:'''Frank #1''': Frightened?
:'''Frank #2''': Of dinosaurs?
:'''Yoko''': Yes, and she needs our help.
:'''Doris''': I'm frightened of spiders. Will that help?
:'''Charles''': Spiders can't hurt you, Doris.
:'''Timothy''': And neither can dinosaurs. They died a long time ago.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After the class --on the bus-- arrives at the science museum, Mrs. Jenkins and Ms. Appleberry get off the bus. Mrs. Jenkins gets off first, then, Ms. Appleberry comes off next to her. Next, she --Ms. Appleberry-- counts students off the bus as they --one by one-- get off the bus.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': We are here, children. Quick sticks! 
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[counting]'' One, two, three, four...!
:''[When Ms. Appleberry says this, she counts Grace as number 1, Doris as number 2, Yoko as number 3, and Timothy as number 4. As the &quot;count&quot; pauses, Timothy --before getting off-- becomes excited.]''
:'''Timothy''': Oh boy! ''[gets off the bus]'' We are going to the museum. I cannot wait to go inside.
:''[It is revealed that Timothy's buddy/partner/teammate was Nora. In other words, &quot;He was paired with Nora&quot;.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[to the rest of the class]'' Everybody, find your buddy.
:''[As Timothy races to the museum's double front doors --still thinking Nora is with him-- the scene cuts to Ms. Appleberry. And she continues counting. The students --one by one during the count-- get off the bus. And now, Ms. Appleberry is at numbers 9 and 10. That is, as she says...!]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[resumes counting --and makes it up to ten]'' (Five, six, seven, eight), nine, ten...! (Ten? Only ten?) 
:''[Someone is missing even though Nora was supposed to be number 11. That is, as Mrs. Appleberry says...!]'' 
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[gasps and puts her palm to her nose in confusion]'' Oh, my! We are one short! Someone is missing! (It must be Nora! Where did she go?!) 
:''[The scene cuts to Timothy. Remembering that he --Timothy-- had Nora as his buddy, he --Timothy-- says...!]'' 
:'''Timothy''': Where is Nora?
:''[At first, Timothy thinks that still he has Nora. But since she's scared and won't go in, he realizes that she isn't there.]''
:'''Henry''': Here she is.
:'''Nora''': I really want to go, Timothy. But I am scared.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Timothy? Nora? Is everything okay?
:'''Timothy''': It is okay, Mrs. J. If Nora wants to stay on the bus with Henry, I should stay too.
:'''Nora''': But, Timothy, you love dinosaurs. You must go.
:'''Timothy''': I am not going if you are not going.
:''[Everyone gasps if Nora is not going]''
:'''Nora''': ''[changes her mind and decides to go]'' All right. But if you, Timothy, promise to hold my hand.
:''[Timothy scoops up Nora, cradles her, hugs her, and carries her.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Timothy takes Nora to the Megazostrodon]''
:'''Timothy''': Nora, Meet [[w:Megazostrodon|Megazostrodon]].
:'''Nora''': ''[gasps and covers her eyes]'' That sounds big and scary. ''[opens her right eye]'' That's it? He's so little.
:'''Timothy''': Just like you.
:'''Nora''': I'm bigger than him. He's not scary at all.
:'''Timothy''': ''[laughs]'' That's what Yoko thought to, when she found his picture in the book.
:'''Nora''': Hi, Megazostrodon. ''[laughs]''
:'''Timothy''': Wanna go meet some other dinosaurs?
:'''Nora''': Okay.
:''[Timothy takes Nora to the next dinosaur as the camera zooms in to the Megazostrodon]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Nora explains about her day to her family --about her field trip to the Science Museum.]''
:'''Nora''': You're right. And then we saw Tyrannosaurus Rex. He is as tall as our house. 
:''[Nora becomes excited to go to the dinosaur museum again --this time wanting to see the dinosaurs with her family too.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[to her father]'' May we see the dinosaurs again? Please, Dad? My favorite is Megazostrodon.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Taking care of a pet is a big responsibility. I suggest we each take turns caring for Goldie.
:'''Frank #1''': You mean like walking it?
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, and giving it a bath?
:'''Claude''': Um, It's a fish.
:'''Frank #2''': All right, no bath.
:''[Frank #1 and Frank #2 laugh and Claude stares at them in disbelief. Goldie is in her fish tank and looks at Lilly]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': All right, Who wants to go first?
:'''Lilly''': Oh, oh! I do! I do!
:'''Claude''': I will.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Lilly and Claude both want to go first. I suggest we take a vote.
:'''Doris''': It should be Claude, Lilly's forgetful. She wouldn't remember to feed him.
:''[Lilly frown is upside down]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Hey, Claude, you want to play ball?
:'''Claude''': I would, but I have more important things to do, Timothy. I'm taking care of Goldie.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': ''[about how she saved Goldie from the power outage week due to the snow]'' Well, Mrs. Jenkins, I thought that Goldie would be cold. ''[tells the class how Goldie got to spend the week with her fish Treasure when the power was out for a week]'' And so, I brought him home to be with my own fish for the night.

===Red Thunder / Putting It All Together [1.9]===
:''[The bus stops at Doris' house]''
:'''Henry''': ''[off-screen]'' There you go, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Thanks, Henry.
:'''Everybody''': Bye, Doris.
:'''Doris''': ''[off-screen]'' Bye.
:''[Henry gets on his bus. Horace and Morris ride their bicycles doing ramp tricks]''
:'''Timothy''': Wow! Did you see that?
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah. That was neat.
:'''Frank #2''': Very neat.
:''[Horace and Morris ride past Henry's bus]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Let's do it!
:'''Henry''': Uh, uh, uh. Those boys are much bigger than you guys. Bike tricks like that are only for very experienced riders. All righty?
:'''Timothy, Frank #1 and Frank #2''': All righty.
:''[Timothy and the Franks sit on their bus seats]''
:'''Frank #1''': Hey Timothy, Why don't you come to our place on the weekend?
:'''Frank #2''': You can ride bikes with Us.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Yeah!
:'''Timothy''': Sure, I'll ask my parents.
:''[Timothy sees Horace and Morris doing ramp tricks on their bicycles]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Timothy checks the ramp]''
:'''Timothy''': It looks good, Who wants to go first?
:'''Frank #1''': Me before you, me first!
:'''Frank #2''': No, me before you, me first!
:'''Frank #1''': Frank, I'll go first.
:'''Frank #2''': Frank, I will go first.
:'''Frank #1''': Frank...
:'''Timothy''': I'll go first.
:''[Timothy is on his Red Thunder bicycle]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Ohh! He'll go first.
:''[Timothy stares at the ramp and then he starts his Red Thunder. Timothy rides closer to the ramp and then he and his bike jumps off the ramp. The Franks watches hims flying off the ramp]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[off-screen]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Oof!
:'''Frank #1''': Timothy!
:''[The Red Thunder's wheel broke]''
:'''Frank #2''': Are you okay?
:'''Timothy''': Yeah.
:'''Big Frank''': What happened? Timothy! ''[runs to Timothy]''
:'''Timothy''': Um, I'm okay.
:'''Big Frank''': Now, what did I say about riding safely? You're not ready for ramps.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': But Dad...
:'''Timothy''': It wasn't their fault. It was my idea. I thought I was big enough to do it. But I wasn't.
:'''Big Frank''': Well, as long as you're all right.
:'''Frank #1''': Timothy may be all right.
:'''Frank #2''': But his bike is not.
:'''Big Frank''': Don't worry, Timothy. I can fix that.
:'''Frank #1''': That's right, Timothy.
:'''Frank #2''': Dad can fix anything.
:''[Timothy looks upset. Later, the wheel from the Red Thunder is fixed and round again]''
:'''Timothy''': Wow! It looks as good as new! Thank you.
:'''Frank #1''': Told you Dad can fix it.
:'''Frank #2''': That is the best!
:'''Timothy''': He sure is.
:'''Big Frank''': Oh boys. ''[chuckles]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[while Timothy and his Dad, Larry, walk home]''
:'''Larry''': Did you have fun with your Red Thunder?
:'''Timothy''': Well, it's kind of a long story, Dad. You see, first we set up this course to bike around, but the Franks kind of got tired of running into things. So then I had this idea to build a ramp, kind of like the one I saw Doris's brothers use...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[after Timothy puts the last piece into the puzzle]''
:'''Timothy''': We did it!
:'''Everybody''': Yeah! Hooray!
:'''Timothy''': Wow.
:''[The puzzle shows a picture of a picnic]''
:'''Fritz''': That is one giant ice cream sundae.
:'''Claude''': You can say that again.
:'''Grace''': Bright red balloons are my favorite.
:''[Mrs. Jenkins enters the classroom]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Well done everyone!
:'''Nora''': Do we get our surprise?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': You certainly do. ''[checks her watch]'' Goodness me! It's almost lunch time.
:'''Nora''': But, What's our surprise!?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[chuckles]'' Follow me, children.
:''[Everyone follows Mrs. Jenkins. outside the playground, everyone sees the surprise]''
:'''Everyone''': Wow!
:'''Nora''': Look!
:'''Timothy''': That's neato.
:'''Lilly''': It looks delicious.
:'''Yoko''': It looks like the puzzle!
:''[A real picnic appears just like the puzzle]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Congratulations. You did a wonderful job.
:'''Yoko''': We couldn't have done it without Timothy, Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Nice job, Timothy. ''[Timothy smiles]'' Picnic time, everyone!
:''[Timothy, Yoko and the others went to the picnic table to have lunch. The camera zooms out of the picnic table as the episode ends]''

===The Big Snowfall / Forever Friends [1.10]===
:''[Doris sees the snow outside the window]''
:'''Doris''': ''[gasps]'' It snowed!
:''[Horace, Morris and Boris are throwing snowballs]''
:'''Doris''': It snowed when I was sleeping! I loved snow!
:''[Doris runs to the closet]''
:'''Doris''': I can't wait to play outside. ''[wears her regular clothes]'' Oops. ''[runs back to the closet and now she's wear snow clothes]'' That's better. Snow, here I come!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Lilly, where's your hat and scarf?
:'''Lilly''': Um... ''[hears the school bus horn honk and watches as it rolls away]'' Oh, I forgot them on the bus. I'm not used to snow stuff. This is my first snow day.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh, Lilly. We are going to have such fun. But first, let's just find you something warm to wear.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': Mrs. Jenkins, Frank and Frank are telling scary stories.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Lots of people tell stories about the Abominable Snowman, Doris. They even have different names for him, like [[w:Bigfoot|Bigfoot]] and [[w:Yeti|Yeti]] and Sasquatch.
:'''Frank #2''': See?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': But they're just stories. There's nothing to worry about.
:'''Doris''': See?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Samantha''': Where's Yoko?
:'''Timothy''': Oh, she doesn't like me any more. She found something better to do.
:'''Samantha''': What's she doing?
:'''Timothy''': She has to practice for a special dance recital.
:'''Samantha''': Oh, Yoko still likes you, honey. She's just busy, is all.
:'''Timothy''': Really?
:'''Samantha''': Of course.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At school, Yoko gives Timothy the invitation]''
:'''Yoko''': Here, it's an invitation to my dance recital on Friday. I hope you come.
:'''Timothy''': Thanks! I'll come for sure.
:'''Yoko''': Good. Bye, Timothy. ''[she leaves]''
:'''Timothy''': Huh? Where you going? I thought were gonna play together.
:''[Yoko stops walking]''
:'''Yoko''': You did?
:'''Timothy''': You said you want to meet me after school today.
:'''Yoko''': Yes! So I can give you this.
:'''Timothy''': You mean, you're not coming over?
:'''Yoko''': Sorry, Timothy.
:'''Grace''': Come on, Yoko. My mom is going to take us to dance rehearsal.
:'''Yoko''': Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
:''[Yoko follows Grace to the exit. Timothy has a sad expression, picks up his coat and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At the dance recital, Yoko and Grace are practicing ballet]''
:'''Yoko''': One, two...
:'''Grace''': Three, four...
:''[Every single ballet dancer hold their partners until they twirl them. Grace twirls too fast until Yoko stops her]''
:'''Grace and Yoko''': Oops. ''[laughing]''

===Taking the Plunge / Timothy's Way [1.11]===
:'''Larry''': Timothy, the bus is here.
:'''Timothy''': Coming, Dad! 
:''[Timothy came out of his house. He was wearing a pair of blue swim trunks with yellow lines, black flippers, a red mask with a yellow strap and a snorkel with a red line.]''
:'''Samantha''': Timothy? ''[hands the lunchbox to her son]'' Don't forget your lunch, dear.
:'''Timothy''': Thanks, Mom. ''[to his dad, Larry, as he walks past him]'' Bye, Dad.
:'''Larry''': Have a great day, Timothy. ''[as his son walks into the bus]'' Remember to use sunscreen.
:'''Timothy''': OK. ''[to Henry]'' Hi, Henry.
:'''Henry''': ''[from off-screen]'' Hi, Timothy.

&lt;hr width=50%/ &gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, everyone, ''[on-screen]'' who can tell me what we call Monday in Summer time?
:''[The kids, who were wearing their swimsuits --except Claude-- raise their hands up]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Yes, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': Swim Day.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[off-screen]'' That's right. ''[on-screen]'' Swim Day is when we stop at Hilltop Park for a swim. ''[points to her student teacher Ms. Appleberry, who is in her swimsuit]'' And look who's here to help out.
:'''Everyone''': ''[greets Ms. Appleberry the student teacher who is going to be part of the Swim Day field trip]'' &lt;big&gt;'''MS. APPLEBERRY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Ms. Appleberry responds and greets back the children. She responds in a big, long, &quot;GOOD MORNING&quot;.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': &lt;big&gt;'''GOOD MORNING, BOYS AND GIRLS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[This phrase --said by Ms. Appleberry-- was heard again, reused, and said a second time from a previous Season 1 episode --that being the episode &quot;On the Fritz&quot;.) 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Aren't you coming swimming, Claude?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Quick sticks, children, I'm right behind you.
:'''Frank #1''': I'll race you.
:'''Frank #2''': Last one there!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Slow down, so no running, Frank. Play safely.
:''[The Franks stop to run and looked at Mrs. Jenkins. They both continue running and run past Mrs. Appleberry]''
:'''Mrs. Appleberry''': Oh my.
:''[The Franks run towards the purple slide. They climb up and slide down into the water]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': ''[laughing]''
:'''Frank #1''': Let's try backwards.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah.
:''[The Franks run out of the pool]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Hey, Yoko, watch this!
:''[Timothy showed Yoko some of his tricks. He walks backwards, took a deep breath, runs to the pool, and jumps off the deep end. He swam in the water. He kicked and he paddled.]
:'''Yoko''': Good jumping, Timothy!
:'''Lilly''': Timothy is the best swimmer.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Charles float on the water]''
:'''Timothy''': Hey, what are you doing here, Charles?
:'''Charles''': Watching clouds. It's fun.
:'''Timothy''': Hey, that cloud looks like a cowboy hat.
:''[The cloud cowboy hat flies through the sky]''
:'''Charles''': Wow. Apple pie, my favorite.
:''[The next cloud shows Henry's head]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[laughs]'' It's Henry.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Claude''': I'm not good at swimming.
:'''Timothy''': What? But you're good at everything.
:'''Claude''': Not swimming. I'm not good at it.
:'''Timothy''': It's easy.
:'''Claude''': Easy for you. You're a good swimmer.
:'''Timothy''': Thank you. I can teach you to kick and paddle.
:'''Claude''': Well, only if you don't tell anyone.
:'''Timothy''': Okay, I'm good at secrets.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At school, Mrs. Jenkins hangs up pictures]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': These are all wonderful pictures, what fun we're going to have this summer.
:''[Mrs. Jenkins hangs up a picture of the Franks twins who are behind the garage. The camera moves to a picture of Claude swimming in the pool]''
:'''Yoko''': Look, Timothy, Claude's swimming. He must be taking lessons.
:'''Timothy''': Yeah, he's pretty good. Although he doesn't even like getting his head wet.
:'''Yoko''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The next morning, The bus arrives to Claude's house]''
:'''Timothy''': Hi, Claude, you coming swimming?
:''[Claude stops for a second then smiles]''
:'''Claude''': I sure am.
:''[Claude runs to the bus. At the pool, Charles watches some clouds]''
:'''Timothy''': See anything?
:'''Charles''': Uh-huh. A big ship.
:''[The cloud ship flies through the sky]''
:'''Claude''': Hey, Timothy, heads up!
:''[Claude closes his nose and dives into the water]''
:'''Charles''': Told you he could swim. Claude's good at everything.
:''[Claude swim pasts Doris and Lilly]''
:'''Lilly''': Claude's the best swimmer!
:''[Claude swim past Timothy, Yoko and Charles]''
:'''Timothy''': Good swimming, Claude.
:'''Yoko''': Hey, isn't that your trick, Timothy?
:'''Timothy''': Uh... yeah.
:''[Yoko, Timothy and Charles get out of the pool]''
:'''Yoko''': You must have a very good teacher, Claude.
:''[Claude looks at Timothy]''
:'''Claude''': The best. ''[Timothy stops walking]'' Here, Timothy, use my towel.
:''[Claude throws the towel to Timothy]''
:'''Timothy''': Thanks, Claude.
:''[Timothy dries himself with Claude's towel]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Fritz rubs his head with a red balloon]''
:'''Fritz''': This is called static electricity. It will give you a little shock when you touch your partner's finger.
:''[Fritz touches Frank #1's finger]''
:'''Frank #1''': Oh, oh!
:''[The Franks feel the floor. Frank #1 touches Frank #2's finger and everyone laughs at the Franks. Yoko makes an origami dog]''
:'''Everyone''': Wow!
:'''Yoko''': How did everyone else do?
:'''Nora''': Look at mine, Yoko!
:'''Yoko''': Oh, Nora. Your puppy is wonderful.
:'''Nora''': Thanks.
:''[The camera zooms in to Nora's blue origami dog. Grace in doing the pirouette]''
:'''Grace''': This is called a pirouette. I'll do another one. Remember, on one foot.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Oh!
:'''Grace''': ''[off-screen]'' Now, you try.
:''[Frank #1 walks to Grace. He tries to do a pirouette but he spins too fast]''
:'''Frank #1''': Ahh!
:''[Grace gasps when she sees Frank #1 crashes]''
:'''Frank #2''': Hey, that was pretty good, Frank. wasn't it, Grace? Huh?
:'''Grace''': Uh... It's a start.
:''[Frank #2 smiles]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts from Timothy's backyard sandbox to his bathroom. In this scene, the viewers see Timothy in his bathtub and taking a bubble bath. Samantha walks in looking for Timothy.]'' 
:'''Samantha''': ''[looks for Timothy --who is naked in the tub-- while holding a green towel]'' Timothy? Where are you? 
:'''Timothy''': ''[pops out of his bubble bath]'' Here I am, Mom. 
:''[His mother --Samantha-- laughs. Then, she says...!]''
:'''Samantha''': ''[finds Timothy, who is naked, in his bubble bath]'' Timothy, you are...!
:'''Timothy''': Naked. I know. (Where did my shirt go, and how come I took it off and put it the laundry basket?)
:''[Timothy --who is naked-- he climbs out of the bathtub and gets into the towel. That is, after saying to his mother that he is naked since his shirt is invisible because his mother took it off him at bathtime, just like he took it off at bedtime. Next, his mother starts drying him off.]''
:'''Timothy''': (Thank you for the bubble bath, Mom. I thought I was naked and clean, and I just took a bubble bath.)
:'''Samantha''': (Of course you are naked. Your shirt? Well, I think it was dirty. So you needed a bubble bath. I took it off you, and you went to your bathroom and in the tub. I mean, &quot;you took it off, and you have no shirt on.&quot; But you know what, it's not invisible. It's in the laundry basket.) So, what did the kids teach at school today?
:'''Timothy''': Hmm. Fritz taught electricity. Yoko taught Origami. And Grace, she taught some ballet stuff.
:'''Samantha''': Really?
:'''Timothy''': Yeah. Mom? (I know I'm naked. I was naked because I took off my dirty shirt. Now I was in the bubble bath when you said it was bath time. And I --while I was in my bubble bath-- threw my dirty shirt --which I took off-- in the laundry basket. But) I still haven't thought of anything to teach. So, can you think of anything? (I am naked if I took a bubble bath.)
:'''Samantha''': Why, I'm sure you are going to think of something all on your own. (You are naked. You are right. By the way, you really have to be careful not to take off your dirty shirt and make it magically disappear. Okay? You took it off and put it in the laundry basket, because I said you needed a bubble bath. That is why I think you are naked.) 
:'''Timothy''': (I see.) You think so? I've only got one more day. 
:''[Timothy looks at his green towel.]'' 
:'''Timothy''': ''[playfully]'' Hey, Mom! Catch! 
:''[Timothy laughs. He took off his towel, reveals himself naked again, throws it to his mom, and resumes laughing. Then, he says...!]'' 
:'''Timothy''': ''[playfully]'' I'm naked! 
:''[Timothy shows his bare tummy again. That is, after he playfully says, &quot;I'm naked!&quot;. And he still fools around. He continues fooling around with his nakedness. Then, he throws his towel. And Samantha, she says...!]'' 
:'''Samantha''': ''[laughs]'' Timothy...! 
:''[After Samantha says this, she stops laughing. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Samantha''': ''[serious tone, thinks]'' (Please, enough with this &quot;naked&quot; tactic of yours. Okay? I just don't want to hear the word &quot;naked&quot; again, honey. Now is the time to be serious. I mean, &quot;Really&quot;. You took off your shirt because it was dirty, and you needed a bubble bath. Just because it is in the laundry basket, that doesn't mean that it is invisible.)   
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinks]'' (Oh, sorry, excuse me. I see. You are right. Mine are in the laundry bin. That is why they disappeared. Thank you for taking my shirt off. But I still think I am naked when you do that.)
:''[A naked Timothy --who is dried off-- hugs his mom --before she tickles him on the tummy, waist, and diaper area-- as the scene fades to black. Samantha wiggles her fingers for a tickle attack, touches them on Timothy's tummy, and she --tickling Timothy's tummy, waist, and diaper area-- says...!]''
:'''Samantha''': ''[tickles Timothy's tummy and waist, thinks]'' (Tickle, tickle, tickle.) 
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinks]'' (Easy now, Mom! I think that kind of tickles. Gotta go.)
:'''Samantha''': ''[warns Timothy, thinks]'' (Be careful. Because if I hear anything more about that naked status of yours in the bath, these tickles are going to make you use the bathroom all night long. Okay?)
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinks]'' (Thank you for the notice. I am going to be careful, Mom. Don't worry. But still, tomorrow if Yoko or Nora find out that I was naked because I was in the bath and see that I am naked --if I tell them that I was because I was in my bath last night-- they are going to tickle my tummy, waist, and diaper area like my mom did. I am going to tell them my mom took off my shirt before I was in the bath. And --both before and after my bath-- she --my mom-- tickles my belly and waist. That is, and --when I go back to school-- Nora too.)
:'''Samantha''': ''[thinks, but playfully]'' (I know. And now you are getting it from me again. Because I just heard the word &quot;naked&quot; again, Tim.) 
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinks]'' (I'll get some clean clothes ready, Mom. Don't worry. I have school tomorrow, so I can get some sleep.)
:'''Samantha''': ''[thinks]'' (I know, Tim. But that doesn't erase the fact that you are going to get it. Does it? Because I am tickling your tummy, waist, and diaper area. That is, even when you are asleep at night. And tomorrow, I am really telling Yoko and Nora to tickle your diaper area.)
:''[Next, for the remainder of the night and until the daytime, Samantha continues tickling Timothy, who is sleeping naked in bed. She --in fact-- plans a day, an afternoon, and a night tickle. The morning tickle --on Timothy's tummy, waist, and urination-- is --his mom-- Samantha. The afternoon one --weekdays only-- is Yoko, Nora, or --Mrs. Jenkins's student teacher-- Ms. Appleberry. The weekend afternoons are to be Samantha, as there's no school on weekends. And the night tickle is also by Samantha. Samantha --as a caring mother-- does ease his pain after tickling him. That is, by kissing it better with her lips. In the meantime, while Timothy was in the bath, Samantha was tickling his tummy, waist, and diaper area. Then, she was tickling him while he was drying off. And finally, she does this to him for the remainder of the night.]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinks]'' (But even then, if Nora really tickles my tummy, waist, and diaper area --just because I was naked since I was in the bath and told her and Yoko about my naked status and bath the next day-- Yoko --who is a cat-- I sit on her lap like she is a lap kitty. And she --Yoko-- kisses it to make it better. I always have Yoko to ease my pains. That is, even if my mom or Nora tickles my belly and waist for being naked.)
:'''Samantha''': ''[thinks --but pauses tickles]'' (And Yoko is your lap kitty? That is so nice that she hugs you on her lap.) 
:''[Timothy --who further fears this &quot;tickling&quot; bet-- next imagines Yoko scooping him up, putting him on her lap, and hugging his tummy, waist, and diaper area. That is, and he gets touched by Yoko's cat hug. Nora --playfully-- tickles Timothy's tummy and Yoko kisses it better.]''

===The Treefort and the Sandcastle / Get Well Soon [1.12]===
:'''Doris''': They're building a tree fort, for boys only!
:'''Grace''': Boys only?! ''[gasps]'' That's not fair!
:'''Yoko''': Why would they do that?
:'''Nora''': It's not fair!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': Mrs. Jenkins!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': What is it, Doris?
:'''Doris''': The boys are building a tree fort, and they say it's for boys only.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh. Well, at Hilltop School, we let everyone play.
:'''Doris''': That's what I thought.
:'''Grace''': We can play without the boys. We'll start our own club.
:'''Yoko''': A sandcastle club.
:'''Nora''': Just for girls.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko, Grace, Nora and Doris''': Girls are smart, girls are fun. Hilltop Girls are number one!
:'''Timothy, Charles, Claude, Fritz, Frank #1 and Frank #2''': We're the Boys of Hilltop School. We're the boys, and we rule!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Before finding out that Ms. Appleberry is the substitute for Mrs. Jenkins.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[wants to know why Ms. Appleberry who is Mrs. Jenkins's student teacher is here]'' Are we going to the (Science) Museum?
:''[Yoko has mentioned the science museum which references the &quot;Scary Monsters&quot; episode, the first half of the eighth episode of Season 1 and the TV series &quot;Scary Monsters / Lifesaver Lilly&quot;.]''
:'''Doris''': Is it Game Day?
:''[Ms. Appleberry tells Doris about what really is happening today. But it's not a field trip to the museum nor Game Day. That is, even though Yoko thinks it is a field trip to the Science Museum while Doris thinks it is &quot;Game Day&quot;. See in quote.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[to Yoko and Doris]'' It's none of those things. 
:''[She turns to the class about the real answer about why she is here.]'' 
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': (I'm Ms. Appleberry.) I'm your substitute teacher today.
:''[Cut to Timothy and Yoko near the front doors. Timothy and Yoko are shocked to hear that. Then the scene cuts back to Ms. Appleberry.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[to the class]'' Come on inside and I can explain.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Franks are trying to drink water from the faucet instead of using paper cups]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[whispering]'' You do it.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[whispering]'' No, you do it.
:''[Ms. Appleberry catches the Franks from trying to drink water from the faucet rather than paper cups.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': Paper cups, please, Frank and Frank.
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Huh?
:''[Frank #1 turns off the water faucet.]''
:'''Frank #2''': But...! Mrs. Jenkins lets us!
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah. She does.
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': (Really?) I do not think so. (That is, unless we can work something out with you guys.) 
:''[Ms. Appleberry whips out a letter and reveals it. It's a letter from Mrs. Jenkins to the Franks. She reads it even though Frank #1 and Frank #2 say that Mrs. Jenkins lets them drink water from the faucet. Ms. Appleberry --after revealing the letter-- reads the letter out loud to the Franks. Then the Franks hear it read by Ms. Appleberry.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[reading the letter]'' ''Dear Frank and Frank,''
:''Please listen to Ms. Appleberry (properly) while I am away.''
:''And no drinking from the faucet.''
:''(So you must be careful.)''
:''(That is, or I have Ms. Appleberry subjected to put you in after school detention --for a week-- if not.)''
:''Sincerely,''
:''Mrs. Jenkins''
:'''Frank #1''': Whoa!
:'''Frank #2''': ''[about Ms. Appleberry]'' She's magic.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': Hey, what are you doing, Fritz?
:'''Fritz''': I'm collecting worms for Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Timothy''': What?
:'''Nora''': Huh?
:'''Grace''': Ew!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': What is Fritz doing? When you want someone to feel better, you make them a &quot;get well soon&quot; card. Not worms!
:'''Doris''': Maybe Fritz doesn't know that.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts from the school bus to Fritz's house. In Fritz's kitchen, Cleo --Fritz's mother-- is fixing Fritz an after-school snack.]'' 
:'''Fritz''': Hi, Mom.
:'''Cleo''': Hello, dear. How was your day at school? 
:'''Fritz''': Okay. Well, Ms. Appleberry was our teacher today. 
:'''Cleo''': I know. I heard that Mrs. Jenkins hurt her arm. 
:'''Fritz''': Everyone made Mrs. Jenkins a &quot;Get Well Soon&quot; card. But I did not want to. 
:'''Cleo''': Fritz? 
:''[Cleo puts Fritz on the kitchen counter. She used to put him --Fritz-- up on the kitchen or bathroom counters if he had a potentially tingly area on the section under his belly. And she'd kiss the stings to make it better. She used to do this to Fritz when he was 4 and under. But only when he hurt the section under his belly and waist. She --when Fritz was one year old-- even kissed his --Fritz's-- diaper rashes too. So at this she --Cleo-- reenacts an action of easing Flick's stings, like the time when he was one and she kissed his diaper rashes. That is, by putting Fritz up on the kitchen counter. Then, she continues her question and asks Fritz...!]'' 
:'''Cleo''': How do you feel about Mrs. Jenkins being away from school?
:''[Fritz --sitting on the counter-- he is playfully close up to his mother's face --smelling the &quot;stinky smell&quot; from her skunk nose-- while he is telling his mom about school. As for the &quot;easing the stings&quot; action, Cleo does not do this to Fritz nowadays because Fritz is going to be ages 5 to adult. So he should grow out of it. His mother made him grow out of it, beginning with the late single digits. That is, as late as age five. But this is one exception. That is, exclusively to tell his mom about school.]''
:'''Fritz''': ''[about Ms. Appleberry]'' Sometimes Ms. Appleberry is fun. 
:''[But then, he regards with Mrs. Jenkins --who wasn't at school today.]'' 
:'''Fritz''': But I still miss Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Cleo''': Then, why didn't you want to make her a card?
:''[While Fritz smells his mother's nose --as he talking to her about school-- he doesn't mind the smell of her.]'' 
:'''Fritz''': I wanted to make her something different.
:'''Cleo''': Oh, that is my Fritz. 
:''[Cleo hugs Fritz.]'' 
:'''Cleo''': So, what is in the bag? 
:''[Cleo goes up to Fritz's bag. She looks in the bag and it's filled with bugs, leftovers and worms which he tried to collect from school.]''
:'''Cleo''': Bugs, and leftovers, and worms? Oh, Fritz! She is going to love it!
:''[Cleo --offscreen-- kisses Fritz on the belly. For the remainder of the day --extending until night-- Fritz feels the smell --from his mother's nose-- scented into his. And he feels the smell --from her nose-- for the remainder for the day.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': Get well soon, Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': What's this?
:'''Fritz''': I made you something different.
:''[Fritz takes something out of the bag and it's a bird feeder; he had been planning to make a bird feeder all this time since the day before]''
:'''Fritz''': It's mostly bugs, leftovers and worms.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Thank you, Fritz. I love it!
:'''Grace''': What?! You do?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': This is just the thing I need to make me feel better.
:'''Grace''': ''[happily knows that Fritz's &quot;junk plan&quot; which was made from leftovers, bugs, and worms was for making a bird feeder all this time since the day before]'' Oh! A bird feeder. Fritz made a bird feeder.
:''[Fritz happily smiles]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Now I can look at my birds along with my wonderful cards.

===In the Spotlight / Fritz on the Move [1.13]===
:'''Charles''': I don't want to do &quot;In the Spotlight.&quot;
:'''Timothy''': Why not? You really, really like leaves.
:'''Charles''': I'm not good at talking in front of everybody like you are, Timothy. &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; is scary.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': Ballet slippers are great for dancing on your toes, but my favorite dance shoes are Irish dance shoes. ''[shows a picture]'' This is me when I won a prize at the Irish Ceilidha. I love to dance, and I'm really quite good at it.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Charles''': I have to do &quot;In the Spotlight.&quot;
:'''Charles' Dad''': Well, that's great.
:'''Charles''': Only, I don't know what to do.
:'''Charles' Dad''': Well, what do you want to do?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': Hi, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': Hi, Fritz.
:'''Fritz''': Guess what?
:'''Timothy''': What?
:'''Fritz''': I'm moving away!
:'''Timothy''': What?!
:'''Fritz''': My mom told me last night, We're moving to a new town.
:''[Timothy gasps]''
:'''Fritz''': Look, this is where I'm moving. ''[show Timothy the picture of the beach]'' There's a beach, and a science museum, and my mom even said there gonna be kids in my age to play with. Isn't that great? 
:'''Timothy''': Uh-huh.
:'''Fritz''': And my mom said my room's gonna be bigger so I can have more space to do my experiments in. ''[Timothy put his shells inside his backpack]'' And there's a park near my house, and a big tree in the backyard, And...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At Fritz's bye-now party]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[off-screen]'' All ears, children. ''[a present box sits on the table]'' Fritz, each of your friends has brought you something that you take with you to your new home.
:'''Fritz''': Wow.
:''[The Franks went to Fritz]''
:'''Frank #1''': Here's a can of franks and beans so you won't forget us.
:''[Fritz holds a can of franks and beans]''
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, we were going to give you two cans, but uh...
:'''Frank #1''': We kinda ate the other one.
:'''Fritz''': ''[laughs]'' Thanks, guys.
:''[Fritz puts the can into the box. Nora went to Fritz]''
:'''Nora''': I made you a talking tube, So if you ever start missing me you can... &lt;big&gt;'''JUST USE THIS!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Fritz''': ''[laughs]'' Thanks, Nora.
:''[Fritz put it in the box]''
:'''Grace''': I wrote a poem for you. 
:'''Fritz''': Thanks, Grace.
:'''Grace''': ''[clears her throat]'' &quot;Goodbye Fritz, A poem by Grace. &quot;Here at Hilltop School, we saw you everyday. So we'll never forget you, even you move away.&quot; ''[gives Fritz the poem]'' Bye Bye!
:''[Fritz puts the poem in the box]''
:'''Yoko''': This is from my cherry tree.
:'''Fritz''': Interesting.
:'''Yoko''': Put it in water as soon as you get to your new home.
:'''Fritz''': I will. Thanks, Yoko.
:''[Yoko walks away from Fritz]''
:'''Lilly''': Here.
:''[Lilly shows Fritz the ribbon]''
:'''Fritz''': What is it?
:'''Lilly''': It's a ribbon. To tie around your finger So you won't forget me. ''[ties the ribbon on Fritz's finger]''
:'''Fritz''': I'll never forget you, Lilly.
:''[Lilly walks away. Doris show Fritz her painting]''
:'''Doris''': I painted it just for you.
:'''Fritz''': Thanks, Doris.
:''[Doris smiles and gives Fritz the painting. Charles holds a jar full of leaves]''
:'''Charles''': This is for you, Fritz. You can keep bugs in it at your new house.
:'''Fritz''': Wow, That's great. Thanks, Charles.
:'''Claude''': Here, It's a precise picture that I drew Hilltop school.
:'''Fritz''': Thanks, Claude. It I'll help me remember all of you.
:''[Fritz puts the jar and the picture into the box]''
:'''Timothy''': Here, Fritz.
:''[Fritz opens the wrapper and the box. It's Timothy's shell]''
:'''Fritz''': But Timothy, it's your favorite shell.
:'''Timothy''': I know. I want you to have it.
:'''Fritz''': Really?
:'''Timothy''': Uh-huh.
:'''Fritz''': Wow. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Promise to send me a letter as soon you get to your new home?
:'''Fritz''': I promise.
:''[Timothy has a sad expression as he going to miss his best friend. Henry's bus stops at Fritz's house and Henry opens the door]''
:'''Timothy''': I'll miss you, Fritz.
:'''Fritz''': I'll miss you too, Timothy. ''[they both hug together]'' But I'll be coming back for the (summer) holidays to visit my grandmother.
:''[Fritz slowly climbs down the stairs of the bus and went to his house]''
:'''Yoko''': Goodbye, Fritz!
:'''Lilly''': Goodbye, Fritz!
:'''Timothy''': Goodbye, Fritz!
:'''Fritz''': Goodbye, Tim!
:''[The bus drives away from Fritz's house as Fritz waves goodbye to his friends]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At Timothy's house, Timothy got a package]''
:'''Timothy''': Hey! This is for me!
:''[In Timothy's room, photos lay on the bed]''
:'''Timothy''': Wow.
:'''Fritz''': ''[voice over]'' Dearest Timothy, Our new place is great. Mom was right. There's a big tree in the backyard, and my room is huge. I found this shell on the beach near my house. It's my favorite. And I want you to have for your collection. I miss you a lot, I can't wait to see you during the holidays. Bye for now. Your friend, Fritz.
:''[Timothy's mom --Samantha-- enters the room]''
:'''Samantha''': Wow! Where did you get this marvelous shell, Timothy?
:'''Timothy''': From my good friend, Fritz.
:''[The camera zooms up away from Timothy's house as the scene fades to black]''

==Season 2==

===Many Happy Returns / You're Invited [2.1]===
:'''Timothy''': Mom, in my last letter, Fritz said he had a big surprise for me. It sure is taking a long time.
:'''Samantha''': Yes, it has been a while.
:'''Timothy''': I like getting letters from him, and I like sending him letters, but--
:'''Samantha''': But you miss him, huh?
:'''Timothy''': I miss playing with him.
:'''Samantha''': Well, maybe you and Fritz can visit each other sometime?
:'''Timothy''': I guess.
:'''Samantha''': You can do all the fun things you used to do.
:'''Timothy''': I just wish he still lived here so I can play with him all the time.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Is everything all right, Timothy?
:'''Timothy''': I miss Fritz...
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Well, tell me what you miss about him.
:'''Timothy''': I miss playing shells together. I remember when we made beaches with him.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Why don't you draw a picture of that.
:'''Timothy''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Grace sees Fritz's picture of a microscope and bugs and worms and says her gross statement out loud when Fritz used to collect bugs and worms.]''
:'''Grace''': &lt;big&gt;'''HE USED TO COLLECT GROSS THINGS LIKE BUGS AND WORMS!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Grace --after saying this-- shakes her head in disgust and with disgusted face]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[regarding to the episode &quot;Get Well Soon&quot;; an episode from the first season]'' That also reminds me of the time when I got hurt and Fritz made me a bird feeder.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The mailman puts the letters in the mailbox until he spots Horace, Morris and Boris trying to get through the doorway]''
:'''Boris''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, get out of my way.
:'''Horace''': ''[off-screen]'' Stop, ''[on-screen]'' I'm telling Mom on you.
:'''Morris''': ''[pushes his brothers out of the way]'' Aw, get out here! ''[grabs Boris and kicks Horace]'' Stop it!
:'''Horace''': It's my turn to get the mail!
:''[Horace, Morris and Boris begin to fight and argue who will get the mail. The mailman sees Doris' brothers race to the mailbox and runs away from Doris' house. The scene cuts to the mailbox]''
:'''Boris''': ''[off-screen]'' Let me get it!
:'''Morris''': ''[races to the mailbox]'' Get out of my way, ''[opens the mailbox]'' It's my turn!
:'''Horace''': ''[pushes Morris]'' Excuse me!
:'''Morris''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, no fair!
:''[Horace grabs the letters from the mailbox, but Boris bumps into Horace dropping the letters. Boris looks inside the mailbox and finds no Crunchy Puff flyer inside but darkness and emptiness]''
:'''Boris''': ''[finds no Crunchy Puff flyer inside]'' Aw, no Crunchy Puff flyer. ''[closes the mailbox]''
:'''Horace, Morris and Boris''': Aww!
:'''Boris''': ''[walks sadly back inside]'' Now we have to wait another whole day!
:'''Morris''': ''[sadly follows Boris]'' Aw, it's never going to get here.
:'''Horace''': Hey, what about the mail?
:'''Morris''': ''[off-screen]'' It's your turn.
:'''Boris''': ''[off-screen]'' Yeah, you can get it.
:'''Horace''': No fair, I'm telling.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': Hello, Lilly.
:'''Lilly''': Hi, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Did you forget anything? Hmm?
:'''Lilly''': I do not think so.
:'''Doris''': Think a little bit harder.
:'''Lilly''': ''[thinks she forgot something]'' Hmm... 
:''[Doris knows that Lilly had forgot to deliver her invitation]''
:'''Lilly''': Yes, I did forget something.
:'''Doris''': I thought so.
:'''Lilly''': I have to give Mrs. Jenkins her invitation. ''[runs to the school building so she can give the invitation to Mrs. Jenkins]'' Thanks, Doris.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': You are trying really hard to be a good friend, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Lilly doesn't know that.
:'''Timothy''': She will. You'll see!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': Lilly, want to trade lunches?
:'''Lilly''': Sure. Thanks, Doris.
:'''Doris''': You're welcome, Lilly.
:'''Lilly''': What did you bring?
:'''Doris''': Ham and cheese and lettuce and tomato.
:'''Lilly''': Mmm, I like ham and cheese and lettuce and tomato. 
:''[Lilly takes a cottage cheese sandwich out of her lunchbox.]'' 
:'''Lilly''': I have a cottage cheese sandwich.
:''[Doris sees the cottage cheese sandwich.]''
:'''Doris''': Cottage cheese. Yum.
:''[Doris and Lilly trade sandwiches.]''
:'''Doris''': ''[about to eat the cottage cheese sandwich]'' Mmm.
:''[Doris on-screen tries to take a bite from the sandwich. Lilly off-screen takes one bite of the sandwich, finds mustard --hot mustard-- on it, and throws the sandwich which had mustard.]''
:'''Lilly''':  &lt;big&gt;'''YUCK!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Lilly --after saying this-- sticks out her tongue in disgust.]''
:'''Lilly''': &lt;big&gt;'''THERE IS MUSTARD ON IT!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Indeed, Lilly nearly gets sick from tasting the mustard on the sandwich --which had meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato--  and --because mustard is spicy-- it burns her tongue.]'' 
:'''Lilly''': ''[spits]'' &lt;big&gt;'''PAH!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lilly hates mustard on sandwiches. Then she --after she finishes spitting-- washes it --the spicy taste from the mustard-- down with a glass of water.]''

===The Greatest / Rocky Friendship [2.2]===


:'''Nora''': ''[calls Timothy]'' &lt;big&gt;'''TIMOTHY...!? I NEED YOUR HELP (WITH THE TEETER TOTTER)! MY END IS NOT GOING DOWN!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Timothy''': I am sort of busy, Nora.
:'''Nora''': ''[calls Timothy]'' &lt;big&gt;'''BUT I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Timothy''': All right.
:''[Timothy stops playing ball with the Franks and runs to Nora who is playing on the teeter totter with Doris.]''
:'''Doris''': Hop on, Timothy.
:''[Timothy goes on to Nora's end on the teeter totter and rides with her. He sits behind Nora's back and hugs Nora.]''
:'''Timothy''': Okay.
:'''Nora''': Thanks, Timothy. You are the greatest.
:'''Doris''': This is way more fun.
:'''Nora''': I can ride the teeter totter all day. What about you, Timothy?
:''[Timothy is really worn out of Nora bossing him around 24 hours a day and always wanting him to be her &quot;servant&quot;. In fact, he thinks about being released from this challenge after he does this --that being the teeter totter-- for Nora.]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[hugging Nora]'' Yeah. All day.
:''[Timothy hugs Nora as he is helping her ride the teeter totter.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': What are you doing?
:'''Timothy''': Hiding from Nora.
:'''Yoko''': How come?
:'''Timothy''': ''[about being Nora's servant]'' Being the greatest isn't so great after all. Nora keeps asking me to do stuff. I'm sick of it. (And I want to be released from this challenge.) 
:'''Yoko''': Maybe you should tell her.
:'''Timothy''': Yeah, I should.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Is there something wrong, Nora?
:'''Nora''': &lt;big&gt;'''NORMAN'S GONE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Frank #1''': Norman?
:'''Frank #2''': Is gone?
:'''Doris''': Ooh, I hope he doesn't come near me!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Fritz finds the red rock on Charles's castle. Even though it was not Charles's turn yet, Charles snuck to the box, took the red rock, then he added it to his castle again when it was Fritz's turn.]''
:'''Fritz''': &lt;big&gt;'''HEY...!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Fritz looks into his rock collection box. And he finds the red rock gone --that is, when Charles took it use it for his castle.]'' 
:'''Fritz''': &lt;big&gt;'''HE TOOK IT!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[He --after finding the red rock gone-- steals back the red rock by grabbing it off of Charles's castle; resulting the castle to get smashed a little]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': ''[thinking about the red rock while sharpening a pencil]'' If I give the rock to Fritz, Charles might get mad. And if I give it to Charles, then Fritz might get mad.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Uh, I think that is sharpened enough, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': ''[seeing that half the pencil is gone]'' Oh, I guess I wasn't paying attention.

===Two for Tea / Abracadabra [2.3]===
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh, tell me about your painting, Yoko.
:'''Yoko''': The birds are cranes, and they are for peace and fortune.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': And what are the cherry blossoms for?
:'''Yoko''': Oh, they're just pretty.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[giggles]'' Yes, they are.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': Mama?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Yes, my little Cherry Blossom?
:'''Yoko''': Can we have juice at our tea ceremony tomorrow?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': It is not customary. We have green tea and sweet cakes made with care.
:'''Yoko''': Can we play games?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Yoko, is something wrong?
:'''Yoko''': No, Mama. It's just that Nora says they do things differently at her house.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Then she --Nora-- should enjoy learning how we do things at our house. Don't worry, Cherry Blossom. Everyone will enjoy the tea ceremony.
:''[According to Yoko's mom, even though Nora does things differently at her house with her family, she is going to learn how Yoko does things at her house.]''
:'''Yoko''': Thank you, Mama.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': ''[does admire Nora's treats; which are krispie squares]'' They are delicious, Nora. 
:''[But regards to her traditional treats which are the Japanese sweet cakes.]'' 
:'''Yoko''': But we have Japanese sweet cakes. 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': Wait! There is more. Mama brought Japanese sweet cakes.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': ''[gasps]'' Oh dear!
:'''Yoko''':  What is it, Mama?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': ''[about the traditional treats which are the sweet cakes; after she forgot to bring them]'' I forgot to bring the sweet cakes!
:''[It is revealed that Yoko's Mom forgot to bring the traditional sweets which are the sweet cakes. While it is unknown where Yoko's Mom left them, it is possibly maybe she left them at home and forgot to bring them.]''
:'''Yoko''': But we made them special just to end the tea ceremony, Mama.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': I am sorry. What should we do?
:''[Yoko suggests to celebrate with Nora's treats which are the krispie squares.]''
:'''Yoko''': I know. Nora made krispie squares.
:''[The scene cuts to Nora. Nora looks surprised, but smiles in a little smile. Then she --offscreen-- goes to her backpack and takes out her marshmallow bars.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Before recess.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[to the class]'' Before we go outside to recess, there is one thing I want you to all do. It's how to say, &quot;Thank you&quot; in Japanese.
:''[As Mrs. Jenkins says this, Lilly --through a coloration error-- looks like a miniature Mrs. Jenkins.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': Maybe you should sit with Fritz on the way home?
:'''Timothy''': I just don't want to sit with Fritz (on the way home)!
:'''Fritz''': Well, that is good! Because I do not want to sit with you! 
:'''Grace''': Can't you two stop it? You're friends.
:'''Timothy''': Not any more. A good friend would trust me in the first place!
:'''Fritz''': And a good friend wouldn't show someone else how to do my trick!
:'''Timothy''': ''[off-screen]'' I didn't!
:'''Fritz''': ''[off-screen]'' You did too!
:'''Timothy''': ''[off-screen]'' I did not!
:'''Fritz''': ''[off-screen]'' Did too!
:'''Timothy''': ''[off-screen]'' Did too!
:'''Fritz''': ''[off-screen]'' Did...!
:'''Grace''': &lt;big&gt;'''STOP THAT!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Everyone looked at Grace and Timothy and Fritz fall silent. Grace sighs after stopping Timothy and Fritz's arguing about the blame.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[to Timothy, Fritz, and the rest of the class]'' Timothy didn't show me the magic trick. 
:''[Fritz knows that Timothy was right all along when Timothy had said he didn't show Grace the magic tricks. This eventually leads Grace to admit her mistake. That is as Grace --who speaks up--  says to both Timothy and Fritz...!]''
:'''Grace''': I peeked in your magic book. (I am sorry.) 
:'''Fritz''': ''[to Grace]'' But, how did you do that? It was in my backpack!
:'''Grace''': Umm, I just took it out of your backpack.
:'''Everyone else''': ''[off-screen; gasping]'' &lt;big&gt;'''GRACE...?!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Claude, Charles, Doris, The Franks, Fritz, and Timothy stare at Grace.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[confessing]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I PUT IT BACK WHEN I WAS DONE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[In the end, Timothy and Fritz's friendship is restored. Grace walks away --despite restoring Timothy and Fritz's friendship.]''

===The Taketombo / Having a Wonderful Time [2.4]===
:'''Yoko''': Mama! Mama, look! Look what came in the mail.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': It is from your grandmother, all the way from Japan. You can open it, Yoko. It is addressed to you.
:'''Yoko''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts to the classroom. Mrs. Jenkins rounds up the audience. That is, as she says...!]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Okay, everyone. Please put away your activities. Then sit down under the Learning Tree. ''[off-screen]'' It's Yoko's turn for &quot;In the Spotlight&quot;.
:''[Everybody --except the Franks-- put away their activities sit down under the Learning Tree. Frank #1 holds the football while running through the classroom because he and Frank #2 are playing sports --football-- inside]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[to Frank #2]'' Head's up, Frank. One, two, me to you! 
:''[Frank #1 throws the football. But on his throw, Frank #2 bumps into the Earth globe as he catches and grabs the football. Then he catches the globe before it hits the floor as he almost had broken it.]''
:'''Frank #2''': ''[cautiously because the globe almost breaking was a close call]'' Oh, that was close.
:''[Luckily, the globe is not broken. In fact, at first sight, nothing is. Then, Mrs. Jenkins goes over to the Franks. And she asks them to put away their football because there is no playing sports --baseball, basketball, football, or soccer-- inside.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[to Frank #1 and Frank #2]'' Frank and Frank, put your football in the Cloak Room, please. You know, we don't play sports inside. (So you have to be careful.) 
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Yes, Mrs. Jenkins.
:''[Mrs. Jenkins leaves as Frank #2 put the globe back on the top of the drawer.]''
:'''Frank #1''': Let me put it away. Throw me a running pass.
:''[Frank #2 sees Mrs. Jenkins helps Lilly untangling the jump rope. Then he turns back to his brother.]''
:'''Frank #2''': OK. But you better not miss.
:'''Frank #1''': I never miss.
:''[Frank #1 and Frank #2 play sports in the classroom anyway. So, Frank #1 runs through the classroom just as Frank #2 throws the football to him. On Frank #2's throw, Frank #1 catches the football. But the football, it slipped out of his hands. And he --Frank #1-- missed it.]''
:'''Frank #1''': Whoops!
:''[Suddenly, the football hits Yoko's taketombo breaking it into pieces. Yoko gasps after what the Franks have just done. Then Mrs. Jenkins and the other students --especially Yoko-- they stare at the broken pieces of the taketombo after the Franks broke it from playing football in the classroom.]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[to Frank #2 after he misses the football]'' I...! I missed.
:''[The thrown football --offscreen-- lands on the ground. Mrs. Jenkins --offscreen-- picks up, catches, and grabs the football that Frank #1 and Frank #2 threw after they made it break Yoko's taketombo.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[holding the football which the Franks just threw and to the Franks]'' Frank and Frank, you two have broken Yoko's taketombo. ''[still holding the football and continuing to the Franks]'' What do you two say to Yoko?
:'''Frank #1''': I am... sorry, Yoko.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, we're sorry. We didn't mean to break it.
:''[Yoko stares sadly at the Frank twins and looks at the broken taketombo pieces.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[still holding the football and then to Yoko]'' I'm sorry, Yoko. Perhaps your mother can help you fix (or replace) it.
:''[Yoko becomes really upset as tears roll down her cheeks]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Let me help you pick up the broken pieces. ''[to the students as &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; day is cancelled because of Frank #1 and Frank #2 after they broke the taketombo]'' No one is having &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; (Day) today.
:''[Frank #1 and Frank #2 sadly watches Yoko picks up the broken taketombo pieces]''
:'''Grace''': ''[regarding about Yoko's broken taketombo]'' Ooh! You wrecked everything, Frank and Frank!
:'''Timothy''': ''[also regarding about it; as the work from Yoko getting the taketombo as a present from her grandmother was for nothing]'' Her grandmother sent that to her all the way from Japan.
:'''Lilly''': Poor Yoko.
:'''Doris''': ''[as &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; day is cancelled and lost for good thanks to Frank #1 and Frank #2 who broke Yoko's taketombo]'' Aw! No more &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; (day)!  Honestly.
:''[Not only is Yoko's taketombo gone but &quot;In the Spotlight&quot; day is also gone too, all of it.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Big Frank''': ''[regarding about Yoko's broken taketombo]'' Is there something you boys want to tell me?
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': ''[dealing about their guilty conscience after they broke Yoko's taketombo]'' We broke it.
:'''Frank #2''': We were playing sports --football-- inside when we weren't supposed to.
:'''Frank #1''': And we made Yoko feel really bad.
:'''Big Frank''': I see. Well, do you two feel sorry?
:'''Frank #2''': Very sorry.
:'''Frank #1''': Really, really sorry.
:'''Big Frank''': And did you say &quot;sorry&quot; to Yoko?
:'''Frank #1''': Uh huh.
:'''Frank #2''': Yes, we did.
:'''Big Frank''': ''[tries to sort out the problem so the Franks can make it up]'' Well, then, I guess there's only one thing left to do
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': What, Dad?
:'''Big Frank''': Finish the &quot;three sorries,&quot; if you can.
:'''Frank #1''': &quot;Three sorries?&quot;
:'''Frank #2''': I have never heard of the &quot;three sorries&quot;.
:'''Big Frank''': ''[lays down the three &quot;sorries&quot;]'' Well, first, there's feeling sorry, second, there's saying &quot;sorry,&quot; and third, there's doing something to show you are sorry.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': Do you have any extra ribbon, Charles?
:'''Charles''': Sure.
:'''Lilly''': Thanks.
:'''Charles''': I'm going to bring my new kite to Hilltop Park, Lilly. What are you going to bring?
:'''Lilly''': A blanket to sit on and an extra snack.
:'''Grace''': You need to bring more than that for a field trip! 
:''[Grace lays down what Lilly really needs for an outdoor field trip and more than just a blanket and an extra snack.]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[to Lilly]'' You need bug spray, and sunscreen, and a flashlight, just in case.
:''[Lilly tries to count the other three things. That is, the bug spray, the sunscreen and the flashlight. When she can't count them, she says...!]''
:'''Lilly''': I am afraid that I don't have enough fingers to remember all that.
:''[True to what she says, she doesn't know if she might have enough fingers to remember all of it.]'' 
:'''Grace''': Don't worry, Lilly. I'll bring enough for everybody.
:'''Lilly''': You always know what to do, Grace.
:'''Grace''': You can sit next to me on the bus, if you like.
:'''Lilly''': Thanks, Grace!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': Look, there's a bug on me!
:'''Grace''': Don't worry. I have cream for anyone who gets bug bites.
:''[Grace knows that she is prepared to &quot;help&quot; one of the other students if Lily or any of her schoolfriends get insect bites --from insects-- as she has said this.]'' 
:'''Lilly''': That's okay, Grace. It's just a ladybug. ''[watches the ladybug fly away]'' And there it goes!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[It begins to rain]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[after everyone else is on the bus]'' Well, boys and girls, I am afraid this rain isn't going to let up. We are going to have to say &quot;Goodbye&quot; to Hilltop Park for tonight. (Until next year, actually. So no more Hilltop Park until next year.) 
:''[Everyone groans when they hear that this year's day at Hilltop Park is cancelled due to the rain which causes their &quot;Hilltop Park&quot; day to be washed out. They let out a big, long, groan. That is, as they say...!]''
:'''Everyone''': ''[groaning]'' &lt;big&gt;'''(BACK TO SCHOOL?! AND NO MORE HILLTOP PARK?!) AWE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': I hope everyone had a wonderful time.
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[this is her only line and it's about the rainy day]'' (I know it does bite that we didn't stay the full hour and need to leave early.) 
:''[Then the bus starts moving and on the way back to school.]''
:'''Ms. Appleberry''': ''[to Mrs. Jenkins]'' (Yeah. I heard the weather report on the radio and newspaper. And the forecast, they did not say this. They said it was sunny all day. But today, it was rainy this afternoon. That is why the rest of it is washed out! I think the weather forecast is the one to blame.)
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[also about the weather report]'' (I agree.)

===The Shutterbug / The Friendship Stone [2.5]===
:'''Timothy''': I want to be a shutterbug.
:'''Larry''': All right, I'll go get the camera.
:'''Timothy''': Really? I can use your camera?
:'''Samantha''': As long as you handle it carefully.
:'''Timothy''': Oh, I'll be really, really careful.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[During &quot;Show and Share&quot;]''
:'''Timothy''': I'm learning how to be a shutterbug.
:'''Frank #1''': Uh, a shutterbug?
:'''Frank #2''': What kind of a bug is it?
:'''Timothy''': ''[giggles]'' A shutterbug is somebody who likes to take pictures.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Mrs. Jenkins?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Yes, Timothy.
:'''Timothy''': May I take a picture of the whole class for my photo album?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': A class picture. That's a grand idea!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': That's not the Friendship Stone.
:'''Lilly''': I know. I've lost it, Nora.
:'''Nora''': What? You've lost the stone?
:'''Lilly''': Sorry, I didn't mean to lose it.
:'''Nora''': Why didn't you tell me?
:'''Lilly''': Because... I thought you wouldn't be my friend any more.
:'''Nora''': Lilly, you'll always be my friend.
:'''Lilly''': Really? Thanks, Nora! You'll always be my friend, too.

===New Found Franks / When I Grow Up [2.6]===
:'''Claude''': Hey, Frank. Do you want to ride on the teeter-totter with me?
:'''Frank #1''': Me?
:'''Frank #2''': Or me?
:'''Claude''': ''[laughs]'' It doesn't matter. I only need one of you on the other end.
:'''Frank #1''': Umm, no, thanks, Claude.
:'''Frank #2''': We play together.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': Frank and Frank, do you want to play with me?
:'''Timothy''': Do you want to play with me?
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah, okay.
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, let's play!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, Yoko.
:'''Yoko''': It might help if you think about all the things you like to do.
:'''Nora''': ''[giggles]'' You sound a lot like Mrs. J.
:'''Yoko''': I do?
:'''Nora''': Yeah, you know, like a teacher.
:'''Yoko''': Really? Thank you. I wonder what it would be like to be a teacher.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': Mrs. Jenkins?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Yes, Yoko.
:'''Yoko''': Why did you want to be a teacher?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Well, I love working with children.
:'''Yoko''': Uh huh?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': And I like helping my students.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': Mrs. Jenkins, there are so many things I want to be when I grow up, but I can't decide on just one.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': You don't have to. I know you will do well, whatever you choose to do.
:'''Yoko''': Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins.

===The School Play / Full of Beans [2.7]===
:'''Claude''': ''[off-screen]'' Mrs. Jenkins?
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Yes, Claude?
:'''Claude''': Since I'm the dentist, I should have a dentist drill. I'm going to bring in my dad's electric drill to use in the play. It goes, &quot;(insert drill imitation noises here)!&quot;.
:''[Claude mimics a dentist drill buzzing. Mrs. Jenkins reminds Claude the first time about the safety/prohibition of power tools. That is, as she --Mrs. Jenkins-- says...!]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': We can't have (nor allow) power tools in school. (They are not safe.) But it sounds like you can make drill noises all by yourself (if you are going to do that).
:''[As a result, power tools --real or toy-- are not allowed in school. So Claude isn't allowed to bring his father's power drill/electric drill or a toy drill if he has any toy tools. This is the first time he is told --by Mrs. Jenkins-- that the answer is &quot;No&quot; to power drills. The answer is &quot;No&quot;, even if tools --brought to school-- are toys.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Claude still wants to use his father's drill for a dentist drill in the play]''
:'''Claude''': Mrs. Jenkins? I still think that this would be way better with a real drill.
:''[Mrs. Jenkins reminds Claude the second time about the safety/prohibition of power tools. That is, as she says...!]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': I am sorry, Claude. The answer is still &quot;No&quot;. (Even if they are real or toy.) 
:''[Claude reacts when Mrs. Jenkins has told him the second time that the answer is &quot;No&quot; --&quot;No&quot; to power drills. That is, even if power tools --in the school brought by children-- are real or toy.]''
:'''Claude''': Being the dentist isn't any fun. I wish I were something else.
:'''Yoko''': You can be the cavity, Claude. I don't mind being the dentist!
:'''Claude''': Why would I want to be the cavity, Yoko? You're the bad guy!
:''[Yoko looks rather upset.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Don't you like your costume, Yoko?
:'''Yoko''': No, I don't want to be a cavity. It's no fun, isn't it?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Perhaps you will think of something to make your part more fun?
:'''Yoko''': I guess so, Mama.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Yoko is in her bedroom. She imagines what would happen if she switched with Claude --that being if Claude was the cavity and Yoko was the dentist.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[pretending to be the dentist]'' I am the dentist! ''[in deep voice --as if to sound like the dentist speaking]'' &lt;big&gt;'''DON'T WORRY! I CAN FIX IT! IT IS AS EASY AS CAN BE!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In the play, the Franks are the junk food. Frank #1 is a candy bar, while Frank #2 is a bag of [[w:Cracker Jack|cracker jacks]].]'' 
:'''Frank #1''': ''[as the role of the chocolate bar]'' &lt;big&gt;'''THE TOOTHPASTE, TOOTHBRUSH, AND THE DENTAL FLOSS ARE NEVER GOING TO CATCH ME! I AM GOING TO BE HERE FOREVER AND MAKE A CAVITY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[He gets off Yoko the tooth and creates a cavity.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[as the role of the cavity]'' (Ow!) I am a cavity from candy and from cake. If you do not see a dentist, I can cause a toothache. 
:'''Claude''': ''[as the dentist]'' Let's have a look just to make sure that these teeth are healthy and strong. 
:''[Claude --as the dentist-- he finds a cavity --and it is made by the Franks who are &quot;the junk food&quot;.]'' 
:'''Claude''': ''[as the dentist --and wants to know what the &quot;mouth&quot; is eating]'' &lt;big&gt;'''OH NO! WHAT IS THIS!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Claude as the dentist find the Franks who are pretending to be junk food. Claude --as the dentist-- sees the cavity which is Yoko. Then he turns to the Franks who are the junk food items. They are a candy bar and a bag of cracker jacks respectively.]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[as one of the junk food items --that being the candy bar]'' &lt;big&gt;'''A LUMPY, CRUNCHY, CANDY BAR! (AND FRANK #2 IS THE CRACKER JACKS!)'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Claude --as the dentist-- this is obviously not what he wanted to hear. He knows that the mouth has a cavity in one of its teeth.]'' 
:'''Claude''': ''[to the Franks --who are the sweets/junk food]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HERE FOR LONG!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Claude pretends to get them off the teeth and off the tooth with cavity. Because now --in the play-- the junk food items --that being the Franks who are the candy bar and cracker jacks-- have created a cavity. The cavity is Yoko. Claude &quot;destroys&quot; both the chocolate bar and cracker jacks --played by the Franks-- and makes the mouth cut down with the junk food.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Henry''': Good morning, Frank and Frank.
:'''Frank #1''': Good morning, Henry.
:'''Frank #2''': Hi, Henry.
:''[The Franks are trying to get inside the bus]''
:'''Frank #1''': Me before you, me first.
:'''Frank #2''': No, me before you, me first.
:'''Henry''': ''[off-screen]'' Now, one at a time there, boys. ''[on-screen]'' Didn't you go first yesterday, Frank?
:'''Frank #2''': Uh-huh.
:'''Henry''': Then, it's your brother's turn today. ''[chuckles]''
:''[Frank #2 lets his brother go in the bus first]''
:'''Frank #1''': Me first! ''[giggling]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Franks had found a Saturn sticker on the floor]''
:'''Frank #1''': Hey, look what I found.
:''[Frank #2 looks at the Saturn sticker. Frank #1 decided to put the sticker on the back of Claude's head]''
:'''Frank #2''': What are you doing, Frank?
:'''Frank #1''': Shh.
:''[Frank #1 tiptoes and puts the Saturn sticker on Claude's back head. Claude turns and sees the Franks giggling]''
:'''Claude''': What's so funny? ''[Charles, Nora and Doris laugh at Claude too]'' What?!
:'''Doris''': Frank put Saturn on the back of your head. ''[giggles]''
:'''Claude''': Saturn? (What are you talking about?) 
:''[Claude turns around and can't find the Saturn sticker. Doris, Charles and Nora laugh at him again until Claude takes off the Saturn sticker]''
:'''Claude''': ''[to the Franks; angrily]'' Very funny.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Franks pretend to sneeze and blow Yoko's paper chrysanthemum]''
:'''Frank #1''': Ah...
:'''Frank #2''': Ah...
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Ah-choo!
:'''Yoko''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, you ruined my flower!
:'''Frank #1''': I must have a cold.
:'''Frank #2''': I must have a cold too.
:''[The Franks begin to laugh.]''
:'''Yoko''': That's not funny!
:''[Timothy and Yoko angrily watches the Franks walk away]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The Franks put two pipe cleaner caterpillars on Doris' head]''
:'''Frank #1''': Did you see that, Frank?
:'''Frank #2''': It looks like a caterpillar.
:'''Frank #1''': It looks like two caterpillars.
:'''Doris''': ''[gasps]'' Caterpillar?! (What caterpillars?) WHERE?!
:'''Frank #1''': ''[off-screen]'' They're not on the ground.
:''[The Franks snicker as Doris looks for the pipe cleaner caterpillars]''
:'''Doris''': WHERE ARE THEY?!
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': ''[laughing]'' On your head!
:''[Doris looks up and freaks out]''
:'''Doris''': &lt;big&gt;'''I'D HATE CREEPY CRAWLIES!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The Franks laugh so hard as Doris gets the pipe cleaner caterpillars out of her head]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[laughing]'' They're not real caterpillars.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[laughing]'' They are the pipe cleaner caterpillars.
:'''Doris''': ''[angrily]'' You (almost) scared me!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Just before Charles and Nora could jump into the leaf pile, the Franks are pretended to be tornadoes]''
:'''Nora''': Huh?
:'''Charles''': What are they doing?
:'''Frank #1''': Look out!
:'''Frank #2''': &lt;big&gt;'''TORNADO COMING!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Charles and Nora quickly run away before the Franks could destroy their leaf pile. The Franks begin to laugh as the leaves fly by]''
:'''Charles''': ''[sighs sadly]'' Our leaf pile!
:'''Nora''': ''[to the Franks; angrily]'' You've ruined it!
:'''Frank #1''': It wasn't a real tornado.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[giggles]'' It was a Frank tornado!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Grace is painting a picture of herself]''
:'''Grace''': It's going to be perfect.
:''[The painting of Grace is almost finished. The Frank twins have decided to play a prank on her]''
:'''Frank #1''': Do you want some help?
:'''Grace''': Help?
:'''Frank #2''': I can hold the (orange) paint for you, while you finish you picture.
:'''Grace''': ''[gives him the orange paint]'' Oh, all right.
:''[Grace uses a paintbrush and adds some orange paint to finish the picture. To play the &quot;paint prank&quot; on Grace, Frank #1 gives Frank #2 a can of green paint. Frank #2 gives the orange paint to his brother Frank #1. Frank #1 hides the orange paint behind his back. While Frank #2 is holding the green paint, Grace adds some green paint. Not knowing that it is green paint, she thinks that she still has the orange paint. Then the scene reveals to showing Grace's portrait face --which she just painted-- having green paint on it. When Grace finds out that she had used the green paint on her picture, she then gasps when she finds green paint on her picture.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[gasping]'' &lt;big&gt;'''MY PICTURE!'''&lt;/big&gt;  
:''[Grace looks at her picture. The Franks begin to laugh after they pranked her. Grace sees one look of the green paint that Frank #2 is holding then one look at her picture. Then the scene cuts to the now-destroyed picture. Grace's picture is completely ruined thanks to the Franks who wrecked it by their prank. The scene cuts to Grace who looks hurt. But then her hurt expression turns into an outrage.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[enraged after the prank]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU'VE WRECKED IT!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Grace completed with her glaring at the Franks who pranked her with the green paint making her think it was orange paint when it was really green. Finding the Franks's prank not funny, Grace now is furious about their pranks and she off-screen vows to get revenge on them]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Is everybody ready for square dancing?
:'''Fritz''': Uh-huh.
:'''Timothy''': Ready.
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Okay then, everybody find a partner.
:''[Everyone expect the Franks went to find a partner]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Huh?
:'''Frank #2''': I don't want to be your partner! You squirted water in my face!
:'''Frank #1''': I do not want to be your partner! You put squeeze cheese on my chair!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Mrs. Jenkins?
:'''Frank #1''': Nobody wants to be my partner.
:'''Frank #2''': Nobody wants to be my partner either, Mrs. Jenkins. ''[looks at his brother]''
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': Not even Frank.
:'''Fritz''': Nobody wants to be your partner because we don't like your mean jokes!
:'''Frank #1''': But we were just having fun (today, Fritz).
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, we were just having fun (today).
:'''Nora''': ''[about Frank #1 and Frank #2's pranks]'' Well, maybe you were having fun! But we weren't!
:''[Nora and Fritz walk away from the Franks cause they don't wanna to dance with them. Not even anyone else wants to dance with Frank #1 or Frank #2]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Well, Frank and Frank, it looks as though your funny business has gotten the two of you into quite a mess.
:''[The Franks look at each other and sigh sadly]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #1 and Frank #2''': ''[off-screen]'' Mrs. Jenkins?
:''[Frank #1 whispers through Mrs. Jenkins' ear]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': All right. ''[to the students]'' Frank and Frank have something they'd like to say, everyone.
:''[Fritz, Yoko, Lilly, Doris and Timothy walks to the Frank twins because they have something to say to all of them when they played some practical pranks on them]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[to Frank #2]'' You before me, you first.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[to Frank #1]'' You before me, you first.
:'''Frank #1''': ''[aplogizing everyone in the school for pranking them all day]'' I'm sorry.
:'''Frank #2''': ''[also aplogizing everyone in the school for pranking them all day]'' I am sorry, too.
:'''Frank #1''': ''[off-screen]'' We were just trying to be funny (today).
:'''Nora''': We like your funny jokes and riddles.
:'''Timothy''': Yeah. But not jokes that are mean.
:'''Frank #1''': Okay.
:'''Frank #2''': Okay.

===Read Me a Story / The Gift [2.8]===
:'''Nora''': I don't want to learn how to read.
:'''Timothy''': Why not?
:'''Nora''': Because if I do, Mama won't read stories to me anymore. She says I'll be reading all by myself.
:'''Timothy''': Are you sure?
:'''Nora''': That's what she told me last night.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[At the school library.]''
:'''Mrs. Lightfoot''': And this is where our science and nature books are.
:'''Fritz''': Interesting.
:'''Mrs. Lightfoot''': Are there any questions? ''[Doris raise her hand up]'' Yes, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Do you have any books about spiders?
:'''Mrs. Lightfoot''': Yes, indeed we do. ''[off-screen]'' Several of them, in fact.
:'''Doris''': ''[groans in disgust]'' I'm not going to borrow any of those!
:''[Timothy, Yoko, Fritz and Nora laugh]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Aren't you going to borrow any books, Nora?
:'''Nora''': Nope.
:'''Timothy''': Why not?
:'''Nora''': I'd rather spin the globe.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': What about my B-day cake, Mama?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Your party is on Saturday, Cherry Blossom. ''[giggles]'' It's a bit too soon to bake your cake.
:'''Yoko''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Nora''': ''[talking about the Gift Gallery]'' I just want to get something special for Yoko's birthday. They have very nice things there.
:'''Ruby''': The things there cost a lot of money.
:'''Nora''': That's okay.
:'''Ruby''': Well, not really, Nora. This week we needed to get you a soccer uniform, needed to get you a new wheel for your bike, and Jack needed a new stroller. But now, I still have to buy our groceries.
:'''Nora''': So, we can't go the gift gallery?
:'''Ruby''': I am sorry. But we do not have the extra money sugar snap.

===Measuring Up / Lost and Found [2.9]===
:'''Frank #2''': Look, I made eye holes.
:'''Frank #1''': ''[laughing]'' I'm going to do that too!
:''[The head from Frank #1's figure come off after Frank #1 accidentally cuts it off]''
:'''Frank #1''': Oh, no! ''[picks up the figure's head]''
:'''Frank #2''': Mrs. Jenkins, Frank's head came off!
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Don't worry, there's a quick fix. We'll just tape it back on.
:''[Later, the head from Frank #1's figure is completely fixed thanks to Mrs. Jenkins]''
:'''Frank #1''': Hey! It's [[w:Frankenstein|Frankenstein]]!
:'''Frank #2''': Yeah, it is.
:'''Frank #1''': Thank you, Mrs. J.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': You're welcome, Frank. ''[walks away]''
:''[Frank #1 roars like Frankenstein as his brother laughs in joy]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': ''[explains about his model]'' This is my heart and lungs. And all my thinking goes up here in my brain. 
:''[After Nora sees what Fritz made in his craft model --which was body parts-- she says...!]''
:'''Nora''': ''[stinks --pinches-- her nose in disgust]'' &lt;big&gt;'''EW!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Nora thinks her team mate --Fritz-- was being sickening. But Mrs. Jenkins still like it.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After making the craft models and hanging them up on the wall in the hallway, the scene then cuts to Mrs. Jenkins and her eleven kids looking at the models of themselves which they created]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[off-screen]'' What fun! ''[sees the craft models of herself and her students]'' Just look at all of you!
:'''Doris''': ''[about the models/figures]'' I am the biggest. 
:''[Doris puts her hand on Nora's head to compare the sizes.]'' 
:'''Doris''': And Nora is the smallest.
:'''Nora''': &lt;big&gt;'''HUH?! (THE SMALLEST?!) HEY! I AM BIGGER THAN CHARLES!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Nora correctly knows that she is bigger than Charles. Then, not lying about what she stated with her size and Charles's, she looks at Charles's model. She indeed is telling the truth. She goes over to the figures and finds Charles's project then turns to him and asks him how on Earth he grew so big.]'' 
:'''Nora''': ''[to Charles]''  How (in the Earth) did you get so big?
:'''Charles''': ''[tells Nora how he grew big so he could be as strong as the other big kindergarteners in the class]'' I'm growing.
:'''Nora''': ''[continues to Charles]'' You are not that big. (But I get it. You are strong.)   
:''[Not believing Charles, Nora looks at Charles's figure and finds it not touching the floor like her figure and the other students's. True to her saying about Charles, Nora does get the fact that Charles is strong. But he is not that big really. She --Nora-- does believe Charles that he --Charles-- is strong though. In the meantime, Nora looks at Charles's model. Regarding with Charles's model's position, it is not lining up. Indeed, Charles's figure is supposed to be touching the floor. She sees that Charles has moved his figure a few inches higher up as big as the other &quot;bigger&quot; students. Just so he could be big like them. She knows that Charles was just playing a joke on her. She's the only one who does not believe Charles about him being big. Charles had moved his model a few inches higher so he could be that size. Nora --not fooled about Charles's false pretense to be big and finding out it was only a joke-- she also sees his figure in the incorrect spot. Charles has moved his model a few inches higher rather than touching the floor. It indeed was a joke.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[to Charles about his figure project]'' Hey...! 
:''[She turns to Charles. Now she knows how Charles is big. Because his model is higher up. Nora continues and says...!]'' 
:'''Nora''': ''[gets annoyed about Charles's model, gets into Charles's nose level, makes him smell her nose, and glares at him]''  &lt;big&gt; '''IT IS SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE GROUND LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE'S!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[So Nora is not going to get out of Charles's nose level --and let him go-- until he corrects his figure. When Charles seems reluctant to comply about his model --after Nora tells him it's supposed to touch the ground-- Nora threatens to keep her nose in his. This leads Charles to stick to glue with her until he corrects it. When Charles sees the look on Nora, he does as she asks. It's probably because he does not want to be stuck with Nora forever. Charles does not argue with Nora. However, he sighs sadly. But he --unwillingly-- listens to Nora and goes over to his figure to fix its position. He moves his figure project back down after Nora makes him get it to &quot;touch the ground like everybody else's&quot; when she told him it was supposed to touch the ground. He moves his figure into the correct place.]''
:'''Charles''':  Okay. 
:''[After moving back down his figure, he sadly gives up his false tactics to be big. At last, after he has his project correctly moved to the right spot, he is the smallest again. He  --standing with his project behind him-- faces in front of the class and tells them that he's the smallest really.]''
:'''Charles''': ''[to Nora and the rest of the class]'' I'm the smallest.
:''[He admits he's the smallest. But he still wishes that he was bigger like his other kindergarten students after showing throughout the episode that he was bigger enough to do anything like the other &quot;big students&quot; in the classroom. He still wishes he could pretend that he was bigger like Timothy, Yoko, Lilly, or even &quot;the biggest&quot; Doris.]''
:'''Claude''': ''[to Charles]'' Huh, you are a shrimp!
:''[So Charles found out that he wasn't big but the smallest in the class. That is, even though he did all those things that he was good at all along before this to be &quot;bigger&quot;. Since it annoyed Nora, he was forced to give up on it and admit he was smallest. That also means if he says the word &quot;big&quot; again --at least about his size-- it would annoy Nora again. He may still be strong, but he is always going to be small. The smell --smelling like stinky cheese--  still scents Charles's nose after he smelled Nora's nose. That is, shown in the scene earlier where Nora got annoyed when Charles's craft model didn't match like the rest of the class. Nora makes Charles forfeit his status to be big --after making him admit to the rest of the class that he is the smallest and was lying-- and --offscreen-- hatches a plan. She plans to talk to Charles about this after school and over the weekend. That is, starting some time after school. She says that Charles is off the hook until some time after school. That is, see in one of her next quotes...!]''
:'''Nora''': ''[calmly, but sternly to Charles]'' (Listen Charles. Okay? I know that you are strong. But you are not that big.)
:''[Nora scoops up Charles, holds him, gets into his nose level again, and continues...!]''
:'''Charles''': (I love doing things that make me strong. Why do you Nora always make me give up these tactics?)
:'''Nora''': ''[with Charles in her hug]'' (I never said that you could end it. I am just saying you said you were big --even though you are really the smallest in class-- and it was a lie. Nevertheless! You still shouldn't have covered up the truth to the rest of the class! You are off the hook until after school!) 
:''[By that saying, Nora means that Charles is off the hook until after school and lets him know he's in some serious trouble with her. After saying this, she puts Charles down, releases him from her hug and grasp, and dismisses him. That is, as she next says...!]'' 
:'''Charles''': (A long talk over the weekend...!? But she --Nora-- is going to tickle my tummy and diaper area! It tickles and I get these rashes on my diaper area from girls! I have to...!) 
:''[But before Charles can finish his sentence, Nora says...!]'' 
:'''Nora''': ''[firmly]'' (Dismiss!)

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Charles''': What's it like to be big?
:'''Doris''': I don't know.
:'''Charles''': But you're the biggest in the class.
:'''Doris''': There are a lot of other times when I'm the smallest.
:'''Charles''': Like when?
:'''Doris''': Like all the time at home. I'm the smallest in my family.
:'''Charles''': Really? You're the smallest?
:'''Doris''': Uh-huh, I'm even too small to ride the bumper cars at the fair. I have to watch my brothers drive past, and stick their tongues out at me. They call me a shrimp! It made me so mad!
:'''Charles''': Hmm, I just don't like being called a shrimp either. If I see your big brothers sticking their tongues out, I'll tell them to stop it.
:'''Doris''': Thanks, Charles! ''[to Claude's figure]'' What do you think about that, Mr. Big Shot?!
:''[Charles and Doris giggle]''
:'''Doris''': Do you want to come play at my house after school?
:'''Charles''': Okay.
:''[As for Nora, she loses this because Charles is at Doris's house. So she --Nora-- postpones it --the long talking-to-- until tonight. That is, even though it was supposed to be for this afternoon after school.]'' 
:'''Nora''': (Charles is going to Doris's house?! Well, I am talking to him about this &quot;lie&quot; and &quot;being bigger&quot; status tonight. And I did say, &quot;Sometime after school&quot;.)
:''[Nora and Charles both get permission from their parents, their teacher Mrs. Jenkins, and their principal to break into the school so Nora and Charles can use the school over the weekend. That is, so Nora can talk to Charles about Charles's incident for a serious conversation. That is, both her --Nora-- and Charles. And Charles is going to be sitting on Nora's lap and doing nothing but the &quot;serious conversation&quot;.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris' Mom''': Your big brothers can learn a thing or two from your little friend, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Charles is not little, Mom. He is just the smallest like me. (And he is just the smallest student in my class. That is, even if he is strong.) 
:''[Despite remembering the craft models --since Charles's picture didn't line up like Nora and everybody else's pictures--  Doris still mentions Charles is big. But he is the smallest in the class.]'' 
:'''Doris' Mom''': I see.
:''[Charles still feels the smell of Nora's nose. That is, after she --Nora-- was annoyed because his picture didn't line up on the floor like Nora's picture and everybody else's.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Quick sticks, Yoko. The bus is waiting.
:'''Yoko''': But Mrs. Jenkins, I can't find the Netzke family.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Oh dear. Did you look in your cubby?
:'''Yoko''': Uh huh.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Did you check your backpack? ''[Yoko nods]'' It's going to be okay, Yoko. I'll call your mother to tell her that the Netzke family is missing. Tomorrow morning, we will all help you look for them.
:'''Yoko''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[That night at Yoko's house]''
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Yoko, I thought a glass of milk might help you go to sleep.
:'''Yoko''': Thanks, but I'm not very thirsty. I wish I never took the Netsuke family to school, Mama.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': I know, but someone will find them tomorrow.
:'''Yoko''': But we looked everywhere today! Mama, do you think someone took them?
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Perhaps.
:'''Yoko''': If they did, I hope they bring them back.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': I do too. ''[kisses Yoko]''
:'''Yoko''': Goodnight, Mama.
:'''Yoko's Mom''': Goodnight, my Little Cherry Blossom.
:''[Yoko's Mom turns off the light and leaves off-screen]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[still thinks someone might find them and bring them back]'' I hope someone finds them.

===Professor Fritz / Two Tutu Friends [2.10]===
:''[after Fritz's rocket experiment goes wrong]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[giggles]'' It looks like a safe landing.
:'''Fritz''': It looks like a fail landing. Oops.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': ''[talking about his science project]'' I started working on it after school yesterday. You can see it at &quot;Show and Share.&quot; That's when I'll do the test flight.
:'''Doris''': Test flight?
:'''Lilly''': Today?
:'''Timothy''': I can't wait!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Fritz''': I'm going to do an experiment that shows how a rocket works.
:'''Timothy''': A rocket?
:'''Charles''': A real rocket?
:'''Doris''': One that'll go into outer space?!
:'''Fritz''': It won't go that far, but it will fly up in the air.
:'''Charles''': Wow.
:'''Lilly''': I can't wait to see it.
:'''Grace''': That'll be great!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Your rocket experiment was great!
:'''Fritz''': If it was so great, why was everyone laughing at me?
:'''Timothy''': We weren't laughing at you.
:'''Charles''': Yeah. We were laughing at the balloon.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[after Fritz's rocket experiment became a success during open house]''
:'''Timothy''': Great launch, Fritz.
:'''Fritz''': You mean, Professor Fritz.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[When Grace takes a fall in ballet class]''
:'''Grace''': ''[notices her &quot;injury&quot; after falling]'' Oh my goodness! Oh...!
:'''Doris''': Grace, are you okay? 
:''[Grace starts to cry.]''
:'''Grace''': ''[sobs]'' No! Something is terribly wrong.
:''[Grace cries and hot tears run down her cheeks. She --Grace-- turns to Doris and faces her. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[in between tears]'' Dancers don't fall like that!
:'''Doris''': How do you normally fall?
:'''Grace''': ''[in between tears.]'' (How do they usually fall?!) I don't! (That is how!)
:''[Grace resumes crying. That is, as more hot tears run down her cheeks.]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[crying]'' I'm so embarrassed!
:''[Doris wants to know how dancers usually fall, when Grace told her they do not fall like that. But Grace says they don't.]''
:'''Doris''': Maybe you hit a slippery spot, Grace. That is all.
:'''Grace''': Yes, I think you're right.
:'''Doris''': You're still the best dancer I've ever seen.
:'''Grace''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grace''': ''[to Doris after Doris tells the class about Grace's fall in ballet class]'' &lt;big&gt;'''DORIS...!?'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Grace --before sobbing-- glares at Doris.]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[before sobbing]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU ARE A BLABBER-MOUTH!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Everyone else gasps and look on as Grace begins to cry.]''
:'''Doris''': &lt;big&gt;'''WELL, YOU ARE A...!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Grace bitterly sobs and hot tears roll down her cheeks. She bitterly bursts into tears, by which everyone won't be swayed anymore.]''
:'''Doris''': ''[looks at Grace bitterly sobbing]'' &lt;big&gt;'''YOU ARE A CRY BABY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Grace turns away.]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[sniffs and sobs bitterly]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I AM NOT GOING TO SIT WITH A BLABBERMOUTH!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Doris''': &lt;big&gt;'''WELL, I AM NOT GOING TO SIT WITH A CRY BABY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Grace turns back and --holding back tears-- yells at Doris. And she says...!]'' 
:'''Grace''': ''[angrily and in between tears]'' &lt;big&gt;'''AND I AM NOT (EVER AGAIN) GOING TO DANCE WITH YOU, EITHER!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Doris''': ''[shouts back]'' &lt;big&gt;'''GOOD!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Grace tearfully walks away --and resumes sobbing.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Doris''': Well, this isn't any fun. ''[to Grace]'' Grace, can you hear me?
:'''Grace''': What is it, Doris? (What do you want from me?)
:'''Doris''': I don't really like it when we're mad at each other.
:'''Grace''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, ''[on-screen]'' I don't like being called a cry-baby. A big one.
:'''Doris''': But you called me a blabber mouth!
:'''Grace''': You told everyone I fell and they laughed at me. ''[closes her eyes]'' I was so embarrassed.
:'''Doris''': But, Grace, you just slipped (yesterday).
:'''Grace''': It's still not funny... Isn't it?
:'''Doris''': ''[crawls towards Grace]'' I'm sorry I told everybody what had happened (yesterday), Grace. I didn't mean to embarrass you. (It was just an accident.) I like being your friend.
:'''Grace''': And, Doris, I'm sorry I was so cross. I like being your friend too, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Do you want to dance?
:'''Grace''': Well, I'll have to think about it. ''[thinks for a second]'' All right, but don't step on my toes!
:'''Doris''': Okay!
:''[Doris and Grace danced together and then they both jump. Doris and Grace then begin to laugh as the camera zooms out of the dance recital. Then the scene fades to black as the episode ends]''

===My Family / Just in Time [2.11]===
:'''Ruby''': Did you get your (butterscotch) pudding from the refrigerator?
:'''Nora''': I don't see it. 
:'''Ruby''': It's in the green container.
:'''Nora''': Found it. 
:''[Nora gets her &quot;butterscotch pudding&quot; which is in the green container from the fridge. Not seeing that it is Jack's baby food, she thinks it's her &quot;pudding&quot; for dessert.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #2''': We should trade all of our (chocolate chip) cookies for butterscotch pudding. 
:''[To trade desserts, Timothy got Fritz's chocolate cake, while Fritz got Timothy's apple crisp. But Nora does not want to trade. Unlike Timothy and Fritz, she does not want to switch. And at this she does not want to trade her pudding for cookies brought from the Franks, apple crisp by Timothy, nor chocolate cake by Fritz. Nora is unaware that she has grabbed Jack's baby food.]'' 
:'''Nora''':  ''[to the Franks]'' (Nah!) I am not trading my pudding for anything. 
:''[Nora --still unaware that she has Jack's baby food-- she spoons into her &quot;butterscotch pudding&quot; and takes one bite of it. She is still unaware that she has Jack's baby food, until she takes a bite out of it after thinking it was her &quot;pudding&quot;. After one bite, she sticks out her tongue in disgust.]''
:'''Timothy''': What's wrong?
:'''Nora''': It doesn't taste like butterscotch! 
:''[Nora --after saying this-- smacks her lips.]'' 
:'''Nora''':  &lt;big&gt;'''YUCK!'''&lt;/big&gt;  
:''[Nora spits afterwards. That is, as Nora continues of what she just ate --and thought it was her &quot;pudding&quot;. She finishes spitting and then says...!]'' 
:'''Nora''': ''[continues --and after she finishes spitting]'' &lt;big&gt;'''AND IT DOES NOT EVEN TASTE LIKE PUDDING!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[That is, after Nora's reaction when she took a bite from her &quot;pudding&quot;, realized that her &quot;pudding&quot; was not really pudding, and smacked her lips from the baby food taste.]''
:'''Fritz''': It doesn't look like pudding either.
:''[Nora's &quot;pudding&quot; is not really pudding. When she smells it, it smells like baby food. It's really her baby brother Jack's baby food though she had thought it was pudding. And therefore, she realizes that she grabbed Jack's baby food by accident rather than her pudding. When she smells it, it is Jack's baby food. After smelling it, she pinches up her nose from the baby food smell in disgust.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[through pinched-up nose]'' &lt;big&gt;'''UGH!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Nora tells Timothy, Fritz, and the Franks it is not pudding but what it really is]'' 
:'''Nora''': &lt;big&gt;'''IT IS JACK'S BABY FOOD!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[It is really her baby brother Jack's baby food. It is not pudding. At this, Nora for the second time at school has mentioned her baby brother Jack after grabbing his baby food instead of her pudding by accident. She did not know she had Jack's baby food when she tried to grab her pudding that morning.]''
:'''Frank #1''': What?
:'''Frank #2''': Huh?
:'''Frank #1''': Baby food?!
:''[Frank #2 is disgusted about Nora bringing baby food, he declines to trade or share any of his cookies with someone who would ever bring baby food.]''
:'''Frank #2''': ''[to Frank #1]''  &lt;big&gt;'''I AM NOT TRADING ANY OF MY COOKIES FOR BABY FOOD!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[Frank #2 pushes back his cookies in disgust.]''
:'''Frank #1''': ''[agrees with Frank #2 and declines about trading or sharing any of his]'' &lt;big&gt;'''NEITHER AM I!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''
:''[Frank #1 also pushes back his cookies in disgust. After seeing that Nora almost got sick from eating Jack's baby food --which she had accidentally got after mistaking it for her butterscotch pudding-- the reason why they both decline sharing/trading any of their cookies for baby food is because they do not want to be sick. That is, despite seeing that Nora almost got sick from eating Jack's baby food. Nora --after lunch-- then --from offscreen-- washes down the baby food taste with a glass of water.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': Where's Jack?
:'''Nora''': I'm not drawing him on my poster.
:'''Timothy''': Why not?
:'''Nora''': I'm tired of having a little brother. He's always crying or making a mess or breaking things. Isn't he?
:''[At this, Nora has mentioned Jack for the third time.]''
:'''Timothy''': ''[wishing he had a brother or sister]'' I think it would be fun to have a little brother (or sister).
:'''Nora''': That's because you don't have one.
:''[Ruby --from offscreen-- sees Samantha --Timothy's mom-- at the front door ready to pick up Timothy. Timothy is unaware that his mom is here. And in this scene, Samantha and Ruby --from offscreen-- approaches the kids Timothy and Nora. Timothy is still unaware until Ruby --Nora's mom-- says his mom --Samantha-- is here to pick him up. And after Ruby --from offscreen-- has met Timothy's mother --who is ready to pick up Timothy from Nora's house-- she tells him that his mom is here to pick him up. Ruby walks Samantha over to Timothy who is playing with Nora in Nora's living room. And then, Ruby --from offscreen-- says to Timothy...!]''
:'''Ruby''': ''[to Timothy]'' Your mom is here, Timothy. 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After Jack scribbles on one of Nora's pictures --with one of Nora's crayons-- Nora enters the living room. She finds Jack and gasps.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[gasps]'' &lt;big&gt;'''JACK!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Nora runs over to Jack. The scene cuts to Jack --who is still scribbling on Nora's picture. That is with a red crayon. He stops scribbling.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[tries to stay calm, but regards about her picture]'' Oh, you have ruined my poster!
:''[Cut back to Jack, Jack --who hears that Nora has blamed him for scribbling on her picture-- cries.]''
:'''Jack''': ''[crying]'' (Insert crying noises here)!
:''[Then back to Nora.]''
:'''Nora''': ''[calls her mom in]'' &lt;big&gt;'''MAMA!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Ruby --Nora's mom-- comes in.]''
:'''Ruby''': What is it, Nora? 
:'''Nora''': Jack scribbled all over my poster! 
:'''Ruby''': ''[sees Nora's picture]'' Oh dear! 
:'''Nora''': It is ruined! 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Henry''': Can any of you guess which little boy in this photo is me?
:''[Henry shows the students his old school day photo]''
:'''Timothy''': Hmm... ''[sees a young Henry in the photo]'' Hey, that's you, Henry.
:'''Henry''': You're right.
:'''Charles''': You were little (back then).
:'''Henry''': And there's my favorite teacher, Miss. Abercrombie.
:''[Timothy sees Miss. Abercrombie in the photo looks up at Mrs. Jenkins to believe that they're both the same teachers]''
:'''Timothy''': Gee, she looks like Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': That's because it is me, my name was Miss. Abercrombie before I married Mr. Jenkins.
:'''Henry''': Your favorite teacher was my favorite teacher too.

===Charles the Athlete / Be My Valentine [2.12]===
:'''Frank #1''': I'm first!
:'''Frank #2''': No, I'm ahead of you! I'm first!
:'''Franks #1 and Frank #2''': ''[reach the finish line together]'' We're both first...again!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Frank #1''': Charles finished last again.
:'''Frank #2''': He must feel bad.
:'''Frank #1''': Yeah. He must feel really bad.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': I wanted to make a surprise valentine for Charles, but I forgot!
:'''Yoko''': You can make it when we get to school. I can help you.
:'''Lilly''': Good idea, Yoko!
:'''Yoko''': Just don't let him see it.
:'''Lilly''': I won't.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lilly''': Timothy and Charles keep looking at us again. Are they telling secrets?
:'''Yoko''': I don't know, but I hope they don't know about my secret.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Timothy''': My valentine is for Yoko.
:'''Charles''': Mine is for Lilly. She will never guess who it's from.
:'''Timothy''': I didn't know Lilly liked Hot Red Zingers.
:'''Charles''': I didn't know Lilly liked Peppermint Hearts.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': ''[about the red hot zinger candy]'' But it has Red Hot Zingers on it. I cannot eat Red Hot Zingers. They burn my tongue (and lips). 
:''[Yoko knows that if she eats the red hot zinger candy, it is going to burn her tongue and lips. And since preschool, she has eaten the red hot zinger candy and --from the burns made by the red hot zinger candy-- is tasked to ice pack her lips for two to eight hours. Although not seen in the episode, a bully girl cat made her do this --when she was in preschool-- and she ate the red hot zinger candy which she really hates. And it burned her lips and was tasked with an ice pack task. Then she was wearing an ice pack --on her lips-- for two to eight hours. After having this experience, she doesn't want this to happen again.]''

:'''NOTE''': This episode is similarly, like Timothy and Charles traded Valentine cards for Yoko and Lilly, so did Franklin and Bear with their presents on Mother's Day.

===Mama Don't Go / Making New Friends [2.13]===
:'''Juanita''': Papi, my new bedroom is pink!
:'''Juanita's Dad''': Do you like it pink, Juanita?
:'''Juanita''': Oh, yes. And guess what else?
:'''Juanita's Dad''': What else?
:'''Juanita''': It echos in here. ''[echos]'' Hello!
:''[Juanita's Dad chuckles and went back to work. Juanita runs to the front yard and sees some colorful flowers]''
:'''Juanita''': Oh, what pretty flowers.
:''[Juanita's Dad and the mover --one of the movers-- put a dresser drawer down. Suddenly, Juanita's Dad hears a sound --someone saying &quot;Mama!&quot;. It sounds like a dolly speaking. Juanita's Dad opens the drawer to see where the dolly sound has come from.]''
:'''Doll Speaking''': ''[from inside the drawer]'' Mama!
:''[Juanita's Dad opens the drawer and finds Juanita's cat doll María inside. Now he fully knows it's a toy as he knows where the sound came from. That is, which is Juanita's cat doll. The cat doll, her name is Maria. Knowing it's a toy, he --Juanita's dad-- sees Maria laying there in drawer.]''
:'''María (Cat Doll)''': ''[camera faces the full doll Maria in the open drawer --and Maria says the same word]'' Mama!
:'''Juanita's Dad''': ''[to the cat doll]'' Well, hello, María. 
:''[Juanita's Dad picks up Maria and mimics her. He waving her from side to side, as if Maria is speaking.]'' 
:'''Juanita's Dad''': ''[impersonating the cat doll]'' &quot;Juanita? Come and get me! I've fallen out of my box!&quot;
:''[Before running up to get Maria, Juanita has not noticed that Maria --her cat doll or stuffed cat-- was missing. But she turns to her father and says he was tricking her.]''
:'''Juanita''': ''[giggles]'' Papi, you're funny. 
:''[Juanita runs to her father and gets María.]'' 
:'''Juanita''': Come on, María. I'll show you our new house. ''[to her mother]'' These are for you, Mama. They were growing in our yard.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': ''[smells the flower]'' Thank you. If only I knew where we parked the bus.
:''[Henry's bus drives past Juanita's new house]''
:'''Juanita''': Look, Mama.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': ''[about Henry's bus]'' That's the bus that will take you to Hilltop School tomorrow.
:'''Juanita''': Oh, but... I won't know anyone at my new school.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Well, not at first. But soon you will make new friends. ''[pause]'' Would you like it if I take you to school tomorrow?
:'''Juanita''': Yes, please come with me.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After welcoming Juanita --the new student-- by Mrs. Jenkins and the rest of the class and before singing &quot;The Welcome Song&quot;.]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[before starting circle]'' Nora? Can you walk over Juanita and her mother to two front row seats.
:'''Nora''': Okay.
:''[Nora takes Juanita and her mother by the hands and walks them over to the circle for front row seats. That is, as she --Nora-- says...!]''
:'''Nora''': ''[to Juanita and her mother]'' This way, if you please.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[opens the refrigerator and finding that she was all out of apple juice]'' Oh dear! I am out of apple juice. 
:''[She is out of apple juice for snack time.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[turns to Juanita's mother]'' Perhaps you can help me with that. 
:''[Mrs. Jenkins goes over to Juanita and tells her about it.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': ''[to Juanita]'' Juanita? We are all out of apple juice for snack time. Can I ask your mother to buy us more juice?
:'''Juanita''': How long may it take?
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Not very long.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Yoko''': ''[referring to Juanita's mom]'' She'll come back. Mothers always come back.
:'''Juanita''': But what if I need her?
:''[Yoko then tells Juanita a story about when Yoko herself needed her mother on the first day of kindergarten.]''
:'''Yoko''': ''[tells her story to Juanita]'' I needed my mama on the first day of school too. But then, I was having so much fun. And I no longer needed to come with me (like I used to).
:''[That story --told by Yoko to Juanita-- it convinces Juanita to let her mother leave when she's at school.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Juanita''': Mama, you were gone for a long time. I missed you.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': I'm back now. I always come back.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Juanita, here's a cookie for your pocket, in case you get hungry. 
:''[Juanita's Mom gives Juanita the almond cookie]''
:'''Juanita''': Thank you, Mama.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': I'm so proud of you going to school all by yourself today. ''[sees the bus coming]'' Oh, here comes your school bus.
:'''Juanita''': Mama?
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Yes, Juanita?
:'''Juanita''': Where will I sit on the bus?
:'''Juanita's Mom''': You can sit beside one of your new friends.
:'''Juanita''': But I don't have any new friends yet.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[after Juanita can't play with her friends]''
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Aren't you having fun, Juanita?
:'''Juanita''': Well... not really, Mrs. Jenkins.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': I see. Is there something the matter?
:'''Juanita''': ''[sighs]'' It's just that... I don't know how to jump Double Dutch, or how to build a moon base and no one told me that Grace doesn't like almonds and I didn't know Captain Doris can steer the ship.
:'''Mrs. Jenkins''': Making new friends can be hard sometimes. But I think I have an idea that might help.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''Juanita's Mom''': I see you made lots of new friends today.
:'''Juanita''': Yes I did. I like Hilltop School.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Wonderful. I want to hear about everything you did today. Let's go inside. I made you snack.
:'''Juanita''': I tried sushi today, Mama.
:'''Juanita's Mom''': Sushi? I do not think I had sushi.
:'''Juanita''': It's really good. And Yoko likes (baby beans) burritos. She likes almond cookies too. Can you put an extra one in my lunch box tomorrow and some lettuce for Norman...
:''[The final episode ends when a butterfly flies over Juanita's house. Then the scene fades to black as the series ends itself]''

==Voice cast==
* Austin Di Iulio as Timothy.
* [[w:Lisa Yamanaka|Lisa Yamanaka]] as Yoko.
* [[w:Alyson Court|Alyson Court]] as Nora.
* [[w:Max Morrow|Max Morrow]] as Charles.
* [[w:Mag Ruffman|Mag Ruffman]] as Lilly.
* [[w:Tracy Ryan (actress)|Tracy Ryan]] as Doris.
* [[w:Darren Frost|Darren Frost]] as Frank #1.
* [[w:Rob Stefaniuk|Rob Stefaniuk]] as Frank #2.
* [[w:Linda Kash|Linda Kash]] as Grace.
* [[w:Laurie Elliott|Laurie Elliott]] as Fritz.
* [[w:Joanne Vannicola|Joanne Vannicola]] as Claude.
* Susan Laney Dalton as Juanita.
* [[w:Fiona Reid|Fiona Reid]] as Mrs. Jenkins.
* [[w:Neil Crone|Neil Crone]] as Big Frank.
* Jamie Watson as Henry.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Chinese animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Chinese children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Qubo shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:YTV shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about raccoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about foxes]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Mickey Mouse</title>
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      <text bytes="6134" sha1="h73oipjqpawfki92rz4u0gxqlwi4er1" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Mickey Mouse &amp; Friends logo.png|thumb]]
'''[[w:Mickey Mouse|Mickey Mouse]]''' (also known as '''Michael Theodore Mouse''') is a cartoon character created in 1928 at [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]], who serves as the mascot of [[w:The Walt Disney Company|The Walt Disney Company]]. 

Created as a replacement for a prior Disney character, [[w:Oswald the Lucky Rabbit|Oswald the Lucky Rabbit]], Mickey first appeared in the short ''[[w:Plane Crazy|Plane Crazy]]'', debuting publicly in the short film ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), one of the first sound cartoons. In all, the character has appeared in over 130 films, including ''[[w:The Band Concert|The Band Concert]]'' (1935), ''[[w:Brave Little Tailor|Brave Little Tailor]]'' (1938), and ''[[w:Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]'' (1940). Mickey appeared primarily in short films, but also occasionally in feature-length films. Ten of Mickey's cartoons were nominated for the [[w:Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film|Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film]], one of which, ''[[w:Lend a Paw|Lend a Paw]]'', won the award in 1942. In 1978, Mickey Mouse became the first cartoon character to have a star on the [[w:Hollywood Walk of Fame|Hollywood Walk of Fame]]. 

From 1930, the character has featured in comic strips and comic books. The [[w:Mickey Mouse (comic strip)|Mickey Mouse comic strip]], drawn primarily by [[w:Floyd Gottfredson|Floyd Gottfredson]], ran for 45 years. The mouse appeared in comic books such as ''[[w:Mickey Mouse (comic book)|Mickey Mouse]]'', Disney Italy's ''[[w:Topolino|Topolino]]'' and ''[[w:MM Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine|MM – Mickey Mouse Mystery Magazine]]'', and ''[[w:Wizards of Mickey|Wizards of Mickey]]''. Mickey also features in television series such as ''[[w:The Mickey Mouse Club|The Mickey Mouse Club]]'' (1955–1996) and others. 

He appears in other media such as video games, and is a meetable character at the Disney parks. Mickey generally appears alongside his girlfriend [[w:Minnie Mouse|Minnie Mouse]], [[w:Minnie Mouse|her]] cat [[w:Pinocchio (1940 film)|Figaro]], his pet dog [[w:Pluto (Disney)|Pluto]], his friends such as [[w:Donald Duck|Donald Duck]], [[w:Donald Duck|his]] hypnotist girlfriend [[w:Daisy Duck|Daisy Duck]], [[w:Goofy|Goofy]], [[w:The Fox and the Cat|Honest John]], [[w:Bambi (character)|Bambi]], [[w:Thumper (Bambi)|Thumper]], [[w:Flower (Bambi)|Flower]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Gus]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Anastasia Tremaine]], [[w:List of Disney's Cinderella characters|Lucifer]], [[w:Ben and Me|Amos Mouse]], [[w:Kanga (Winnie-the-Pooh)|Kanga]], [[w:Roo|Roo]], [[w:The Aristocats|Roquefort]], [[w:The Aristocats|Duchess, Marie, Berlioz and Toulouse]], [[w:The Rescuers|Penny and Rufus]] among others (see [[w:Mickey Mouse universe|Mickey Mouse universe]]). Though originally characterized as a cheeky lovable rogue, Mickey was rebranded over time as a nice guy, usually seen as an honest and bodacious hero. In 2009, Disney began to rebrand the character again by putting less emphasis on his friendly, well-meaning persona and reintroducing the more adventurous and stubborn sides of his personality, beginning with the video game [[w:Epic Mickey|Epic Mickey]].
[[sv:Musse Pigg]]

==Quotes==
:&lt;small&gt;'''In chronological order within each section.'''&lt;/small&gt;
===1931–1941===
* In the current American mythology, Mickey Mouse is the imp, the benevolent dwarf of older fables, and like them he is far more popular than the important gods, heroes, and ogres. Over a hundred prints of each of his adventures are made, and of the fifteen thousand movie houses wired for sound in America, twelve thousand show his pictures. So far he has been deathless, as the demand for the early Mickey Mouses continues although they are nearly four years old; they are used at children’s matinées, for request programs, and as acceptable fillers in programs of short subjects. It is estimated that over a million separate audiences see him every year.
** [[w:Gilbert Seldes|Gilbert Seldes]] [https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1931/12/19/walt-disney-profile-mickey-mouse-maker &quot;Mickey-Mouse Maker: Walt Disney at thirty&quot;], ''The New Yorker'' (December 11, 1931)

* The first Mickey Mouse was made by twelve people after hours in a garage. About twelve  hundred people are working overtime now in a fifty-one-acre plant.
** [[Walt Disney]] [https://archive.org/stream/american22asch/american22asch_djvu.txt &quot;Growing Pains&quot;], ''Journal  of  the  Society  of  Motion  Picture Engineers'' (January 1941),  Vol.  XXXVI,  pp.  30-40, reprinted in ''American Cinematographer'' (1941), p. 106 (reproduced by the Internet Archive)

===2009===
* How long does copyright extend today? According to the [[w:Sonny Bono|Sonny Bono]] [[w:Copyright Term Extension Act|Copyright Term Extension Act]] of 1998 (also known as &quot;the Mickey Mouse Protection Act,&quot; because Mickey was about to fall into the public domain), it lasts as long as the life of the author plus seventy years. In practice, that normally would mean more than a century.
* To descend from the high principles of the [[w:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Fathers]] to the practices of the cultural industries today is to leave the realm of Enlightenment for the hurly-burly of corporate capitalism. If we turned the sociology of knowledge onto the present—as [[Pierre Bourdieu|[Pierre] Bourdieu]] himself did—we would see that we live in a world designed by Mickey Mouse, red in tooth and claw.
** [[w:Robert Darnton|Robert Darnton]] [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2009/02/12/google-the-future-of-books/ &quot;Google &amp; the Future of Books&quot;], ''New York Review of Books'' (February 12, 2009)
** The first released Mickey Mouse cartoon, ''[[w:Steamboat Willie|Steamboat Willie]]'' (1928), finally entered the [[w:Public domain|public domain]] on January 1, 2024.
* Ending Catchphrases:
** ''See you real soon!'' (1955-2007)
** ''We’ll see you next time!'' (2021-present)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Fictional characters]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Reading Rainbow</title>
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'''''[[w:Reading Rainbow|Reading Rainbow]]''''' is an American Television show that aired on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]]. It was hosted by [[w:Levar Burton|Levar Burton]] and focused on helping children learn to read books. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

{{tv-stub}}

==Catchphrase==
:'''Levar Burton''': Well, You don't have to take my word for it.
:'''Levar Burton''': I'll see you next time!
:'''Levar Burton''': Today's Reading Rainbow books are.....

==Season 14==
===Episode 7 - The Tin Forest===
:'''Levar Burton''': It's a beautiful morning in downtown Manhattan. From the way it looks, It's a typical day. In a typical neighborhood. But this neighborhood is not typical at all in here. Because right behind me is what they call it ground zero. It was here that on September 11, 2001, a terrible tragedy happened. Two planes crashed into the World Trade Centre twin towers that used to be right there. The buildings are not there anymore because they collapsed and it was very dangerous and frightening times.

==Funding Spiels==

===Opening===
:'''Announcer (kid)''': Reading Rainbow is made possible by grant from The Carnegie Corporation of New York, The National Science Foundation, The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, This station and other Public Television Stations (and their contributors). And by B. Dalton Booksellers, Who reminds you with joys of reading.

===Closing===
:'''Announcer (kid)''': Reading Rainbow was made possible by grant from B. Dalton Booksellers, Who urges you to explore the joys of reading. Also funding for Reading Rainbow was made possible by grant from The Carnegie Corporation of New York, The National Science Foundation, The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, And by This station and other Public Television Stations and their contributors.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1980s American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's adventure TV shows‎]]
[[Category:American children's education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks</title>
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    <id>198884</id>
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'''''[[w:Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks|Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks]]''''' (or '''''Jakers''''' in [[w:Europe|Europe]]) is a  [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]]. The series was broadcast in the [[w:United States|United States]] on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]]. It was also broadcast in Australia on ABC Kids. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Season 1==
===Pie Filling [1.1]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[spits out the grass he's eating]'' Blah! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt. Maybe a touch of oregano. ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan rush past him]'' Hey! We're grazing here! ...On baa-aa-aad grass. ''[to his flock]'' Hey, you know what? ''[the flock stare confused at Wiley]'' Of course you don't. But follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I'll bet they got great stuff. And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Hitch up the caboose, fellas, the gravy train just pulled in!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': But what if Mammy made a big mistake, and didn't put in enough sugar? Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed! &quot;Jakers!&quot;, she'd say. &quot;Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! Oh...!&quot; ''[faints dramatically]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]''
:'''Ferny''': Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Only if she looks.
:'''Dannan''': ''[panics]'' Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, ''BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-'''''BIG''' TROUBLE!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[carried by a crane toward the pie in the window]'' Lower, lower. That's it. Hold it. ''[sniffs the pie]'' Oh, that's music to my nose. ''[the crust deflates]'' Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock!
:''[Wiley is hoisted up, banging his head on the roof, before he is moved away from the roof.]''
:'''Wiley''': I want pie, and those kids are my meal ticket!
:''[Wiley drops to the ground.]''
:'''Wiley''': Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the GEARS?!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are ''you'' breathing so hard? ''[the goat snorts out steam behind Piggley; he gets scared]'' And... and, and... snorting?! ''[feels the goat's beard]'' And... when did you start shaving?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]''
:'''Seamus''': ''[Sean's voice]'' Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
:'''Sean''': ''[Seamus' voice]'' In a goat costume?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
:'''Sean''': Did it make your rump sore?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[meeting with the goat]'' Psst. Hey, buddy. Hiya, handsome. Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little crumbs, get it right out. ''[the goat angrily snorts at Wiley]'' Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Haha, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples here, before I take my leave. Is that alright?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[eating the apples]'' Wow, wowers! Mm, this is good, this is good, this is really good! My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! What aroma, what bouquet! Oh, this is so delicious! Mm!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The goat angrily enters the house.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[nervously]'' Hello, goat. You wouldn't... by any chance... be after... these apples?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
:'''Piggley''': Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
:'''Molly''': Okay, Piggley! ''[goes outside to distract Elly]'' Mammy! You came back!
:'''Elly''': Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
:'''Molly''': ''[hanging on Mammy's arm]'' Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
:'''Elly''': Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
:'''Molly''': A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]''
:'''Dannan''': AAH! PIGGLEY! THE PIE!!!
:'''Piggley and Ferny''': THE PIE!!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Recounting eating the badly-made apple pie.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ugh... Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults.

===Salmon of Knowledge [1.2]===
:'''Piggley''': ''[telling Ferny about the Salmon of Knowledge]'' A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Lough Derg, there lived a simple salmon. Hanging over his watery home, there was a very special hazelnut. And inside each and every nut on that tree was all the knowledge in the whole world. One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch. And the salmon gobbled it all up, filling him to the gills with everything there is to know about... well... absolutely everything.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[after hearing Piggley's story of the Salmon]'' Wow. A fish who knows everything. Think of the brain on that guy. Think of it. A fish with a giant head. And nut-crackin' teeth, big chompers! Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth can get so smart from one little nut, think of what it can do for us sheep!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]''
:'''Dannan''': Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Course, it is! ''[to Ferny]'' Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
:'''Ferny''': Uh... ''[clears throat]'' Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
:''[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]''
:'''Piggley''': There. See? He says &quot;Yes&quot;. He knows.
:'''Dannan:''' I didn't hear anything.
:'''Piggley''': One bubble means &quot;yes&quot;, and two bubbles means &quot;no&quot;.
:'''Dannan''': Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
:'''Piggley''': Mr. Salmon says he had... ''[deep breath; quickly]'' Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
:'''Ferny''': Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really ''is'' the Salmon of Knowledge!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
:'''Ferny''': Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
:'''Piggley''': No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
:''[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. ''[realizes something; gasps in horror]'' Wait! I didn't ''have'' breakfast this mornin'!
:'''Piggley''': ''[unfazed]'' Huh. So?
:'''Ferny''': The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS &lt;big&gt;'''''WRONG!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[echoing]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Take your time, and more carefully, you'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.
:'''Piggley''': Or as long as you've got a fish with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox.

===Ferny is a Bug [1.3]===
:''[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]''
:'''Padrig''': Careful with them fairies, son.
:'''Piggley''': &quot;Fairies&quot;?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
:'''Padrig''': They ''could'' be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
:''[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[disgusted]'' Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
:'''Padrig''': Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn ''you'' into a bug as well.
:''[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ow!
:'''Padrig''': Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
:'''Piggley''': ''[chuckles]'' Ah, you're just havin' me on. ''[beat]'' Aren'tcha?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
:'''Piggley''': Thanks, dad! ''[runs off, passing Elly]'' Bye, mam!
:'''Elly''': ''[to Padrig]'' Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like ''that'' for?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!

===The Case of Big Sty [1.4]===
:''[The mystery show ''Piggley Trotter, Private Eye ''is playing on the radio.]''
:'''Piggley Trotter''': This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when ''she'' walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
:'''Mysterious lady''': Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
:'''Piggley''': ''[listening to the radio]'' It's a mysterious lady!
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
:'''Mysterious lady''': I think I'm being followed.
:''[Molly gasps.]''
:'''Mysterious lady''': Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
:''[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Mysterious lady''': No... I-- I...
:'''Big Sty''': ''[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent]'' Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
:'''Piggley''': No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': She's not going anywhere with you... '''''Big Sty!!'''''
:''[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]''
:'''Elly''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!

===All Night Long [1.5]===
:'''Seamus''': Oh, no! Crummy old wind!
:'''Shawn''': Dumb leaves!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Hey. What's this now?
:'''Sean''': Mom wants us to sweep off the driveway.
:'''Seamus''': But it's too windy!
:'''Sean''': Every time we get the leaves and stuff into a pile, the wind comes along and ''[throws the leaves in the air]'' &quot;boofa-shisha-bwuwuf&quot;!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Sean''': I quit!
:'''Seamus''': Me too!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Are my ears deceiving me, or did I hear me own flesh and blood say the word &quot;quit&quot;?
:'''Seamus''': Grandpa, when something's ''this'' impossible, you ''have'' to give up!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Molly''': What's so great about fishing?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A '''hat!''' A red '''hat!'''
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
:''[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
:'''Ferny''': ''[gasps]'' Janey Mack!
:'''Piggley''': Then what happened, dad?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! A... A [[w:merman|merman]]!
:'''Ferny''': Oh... A fishy fello.
:'''Padrig''': Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
:'''Piggley''': We don't mind. ''[has Ferny's voice]'' We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
:'''Padrig''': It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
:'''Dannan''': We love responsibility.
:'''Padrig''': I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
:'''Piggley''': We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
:'''Ferny''': Oh! That's a good idea!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, that's a great idea!
:'''Padrig''': Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
:''[The kids start begging simultaneously.]''
:'''Piggley''': Pleeeaaaase?!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, pleeeeaaaase?!
:'''Ferny''': Pleeeaaase!
:'''Padrig''': We'll see how things go in the morning.
:''[The kids cheer.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Wiley is bothered by his flock's loud snoring keeping him awake.]''
:'''Wiley''': Listen to that! It's like living in a buzz-saw factory! What I need is a glass of warm milk. Now that should put me out like a fuzzy light.
:''[Wiley places a cup under the cow's udders, and waits for it to produce milk, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay. Go. ''[getting impatient]'' Any time now. I'm waiting. ''[notices the cow's tail]'' Aha! She's got a handle! Like a pump! She's a pump cow!
:''[Wiley starts pulling the cow's tail up and down like a pump, but this causes the cow to angrily kick Wiley across the barn and into a large haystack.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[from within]'' Got milk? No.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Ever smell a barn? They're not minty fresh.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Ferny has reeled in Wiley's blanket, and Wiley is attempting to pull it back.]''
:'''Wiley''': Mother Nature is stealing my blanket! And she's very strong.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': What's all this ruckus now?!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Wiley wakes up with a start after being knocked unconscious against the wall from his tug-of-war with the kids over his blanket.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[frightened]'' BAAAAAA! What--? Where--? Who--? Wow. What a dream I had. So vivid, so real, so... painful! Sleep is tough. Not sleeping is even tougher. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should sleep on it.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Padrig catches the kids having a pillow fight.]''
:'''Piggley''': Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--
:'''Padrig''': Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But we were getting our--
:'''Padrig''': BED.
:'''Piggley''': Yes, dad. ''[returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]''
:'''Padrig''': And I don't want to have to come back here again. ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': ''[angry]'' Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!
:'''Piggley''': I didn't start it!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Dannan''': ''[covers the boys' mouths with her hands]'' '''STOOOOOOOP!!!'''
:''[Padrig hears the yelling.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[angry]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Piggley''': ''[turns off the lamp]'' We're asleep!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Molly wakes up and finds Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan making jam sandwiches.]''
:'''Molly''': What are you all doin'?
:'''Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan''': Shhh!
:'''Piggley''': We're makin' a picnic lunch for dad!
:'''Molly''': Why are you doin' that?
:''[Dannan, then Piggley, then Ferny take turns shushing Molly.]''
:'''Ferny''': Ugh... It's for the fishing trip tomorrow!
:'''Molly''': Oh...
:'''Dannan''': I'll take Molly back to bed. You boys go ahead and make the sandwiches.
:'''Molly''': Will you make one for me too, Piggley? Pleeeaaase?
:'''Piggley''': Okay, okay. Just be quiet!
:'''Molly''': Sweets, too? '''''Pleeeease!'''''
:'''Piggley''': Ugh, fine...
:''[Dannan takes Molly back to bed.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[to Ferny]'' Jakers...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan think that they're not going fishing with Padrig due to their mischief tonight.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, well. We can always play &quot;pirates&quot; tomorrow, instead.
:'''Ferny''': Pirates will be fun.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are outside catching grasshoppers as fishing bait for Padrig.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[from inside]'' I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!
:'''Piggley''': ''[heads back in with Ferny and Dannan]'' We're all asleep, dad!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The next morning...]''
:'''Piggley''': Dad! Wait for us!
:'''Padrig''': After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?
:'''Piggley''': But, dad! We weren't playin'!
:'''Padrig''': I'm sorry.
:'''Piggley''': But the merman!
:'''Padrig''': Maybe another time, Piggley.
:''[Just then, he notices the jar of grasshoppers that Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan caught last night.]''
:'''Padrig''': What's all this now?
:''[Padrig picks up the jar and examines it.]''
:'''Padrig''': So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?
:''[The kids cheer.]''

===Picture Perfect [1.6]===
:''[After Piggley takes a picture of Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Wowee-wow-wow-wow! I've been photographed, captured on film, recorded for posterity! Just picture it: my face, appearing everywhere - newspapers, magazines, the post office! Hold it. Strike that post office. I don't wanna be ''that'' wanted. I could be big! I could be famous! I could be big and famous! I could go to the big city, meet up with destiny, get a decent cheeseburger. I gotta get that kid to take another picture of me. Maybe a nice 8 by 10 glossy, a couple of candids, some good commercial shots, maybe a full-figured cheesecake matte finish.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': There he is. My shot at the big time. I could be on Broadway, in the movies, on the radio. No. No, not the radio. They can't see me on the radio, not even if they sit real close.

===Teacher Creature [1.7]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Class, over the next few weeks, I will be visiting each of your families for supper. The first family I will be visiting is... '''''Piggley's'''''.
:''[Everyone, including Piggley, is shocked.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': Are you tellin' me that Mr. Hornsby is going to be comin' right into me very own home?
:'''Dannan''': It's unnatural, I tell ya! It shouldn't be allowed! Why, I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Well, I thought you really like Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': I do... in the classroom. That's where he belongs, and that's just where he'd ought to stay!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley imagines how Mr. Hornsby's visit to his family will go.]''
:'''Padrig''': Well, Hornsby...
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': That's '''Mr.''' Hornsby!
:'''Elly''': ''[clears her throat]'' Would you like some--
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Please raise your hand before speakin'.
:''[Piggley nervously slides underneath the table.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Ohhhh, sit up, young man!
:''[Piggley sits up straight. This causes Molly to laugh.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Who is laughin'?!
:''[Piggley points to Molly, who immediately sits up straight.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[tuts disappointed]'' Oh... ''[starts grading the family one by one]'' &quot;F&quot;, &quot;F&quot;, &quot;F&quot;... '''&quot;F&quot;.'''
:''[Molly pats her chest, then burps. The family gasps in horror. Mr. Hornsby is furious.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[dramatically clearing his throat]'' '''''Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?!''''' That is one more big... fat... '''&quot;F&quot;.'''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Wiley and the flock are in the barn, itching all over.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! What ''is'' this?! We're infested! Inhabited! Lemme put it this way, flock. We got bugs! I know what you're thinkin'. Where do they come from? Why are they here? Should we charge rent?
:''[The flock tries to pick the bugs off of each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Not like that! That's how monkeys do it! We got no thumbs.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley imagines Mr. Hornsby overworking him and Ferny.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Alright, now. Two plus two! Four plus four! The square root of 9! Name the seven wonders of the world. What was William Shakespeare's middle name? You'd better pick up the pace, boys. You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan.
:''[Dannan is sitting on a stool peeling potatoes while wearing a dunce cap.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Wiley and the flock are still itching.]''
:'''Wiley''': What can we learn from our friends, the warthogs?
:''[One of the sheep, Carl, excitedly raises his hand and bleats.]''
:'''Wiley''': Let's pretend Carl is a warthog. ''[Carl is offended]'' A big, fuzzy, wooly warthog. Eh... A ''good-looking'' warthog. Hey, handsome! But he's crawling with bugs! However, being a smart - oddly alluring - warthog, Carl knows exactly what to do. Stop, drop, and roll!
:''[Wiley sends Carl rolling across the field.]''
:'''Wiley''': And like the clever warthog, Carl knows to clean his wool by covering himself in earthen filth.
:''[Carl rolls over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[annoyed]'' Unfortunately, being Carl... ''[Carl runs him over again]'' '''''He doesn't know when to stop!''''' ''[Carl runs him over once more]'' That is one clean sheep.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan try to get an apple for Mr. Hornsby by pulling a tree branch down to them with ropes. After struggling, the apple is now dangling within Dannan's reach.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh. There it is! I'll get it!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' Dannan reached out to pluck the little beauty, and...
:''[As soon as Dannan plucks the apple off the tree, Piggley and Ferny are launched through the air, screaming as they fly out of the orchard, then out of Ireland, then into space.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' We flew into the air, and shot right through the stratosphere. Clear out into space we flew! All the way to the surface of the moon! Where we were met by a couple of crazy-looking moon men!
:'''Sean, Seamus, and Meg''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Uh, what's the problem, children?
:'''Meg''': ''[in disbelief]'' You flew all the way to space and landed on the moon.
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well... Maybe we didn't actually fly into space.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': There once was a student who got in ''big'' trouble for something he didn't even do.
:'''Piggley''': What didn't he do?
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': His homework.

===Molly's Dolly [1.8]===
:''[After seeing Wiley run past with Molly's leprechaun doll on his back.]''
:'''Piggley''': If he is a leprechaun, he's probably headed for his pot of gold! Come on!
:'''Elly''': ''[calling from inside]'' Piggley! It's time for supper!
:'''Piggley''': Aaaahhh, no! It's always suppertime at the wrong time!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading from Elly's book about leprechauns]'' &quot;Leprechauns are excellent shoemakers, but they only make one shoe, never a pair.&quot; Hmm. &quot;When he's finished with his work, the leprechaun always makes a delicious feast. He can sometimes be seen riding a dog or a sheep. All leprechauns--&quot;
:''[Piggley remembers seeing Molly's doll riding on Wiley.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[gasps]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; He rides a sheep?! Jakers! That doll ''is'' a real leprechaun!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Good morning, flock. Yesterday's run was a stunning success. You should've been there. And of course, you weren't. And I know why. Motivation. You need a ''reason'' to run. And what could that reason be? Simple. A prize. 
:''[Wiley's flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': That's right. First sheep to finish the annual Wiley Cross-Country Sheep Race wins... a prize.
:''[Wiley's flock bleats with excitement again, then starts racing, running over Wiley in the process.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's''... motivation. Motivation... and pain.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After the sheep have finished their race...]''
:'''Wiley''': What a race, what a race! The wind in our wool, the sound of thundering hooves, a chicken on my back... Okay, the chicken was a little weird, but the rest was great!
:''[The flock murmurs in confusion.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, oh yeah, yeah, the winner of the race, right, right. Uh... ''[clears throat]'' It is with great sheeply pleasure that I declare the winner is none other than Fluffy!
:''[The flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': And his prize is... a deep sense of pride in knowing he's done his very best. Congratulations, Fluffy!
:''[The flock all bleat in confusion, then all approach Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, I'm sensing a modicum of disappointment here. Look. I'm a farm animal. What'd you expect, a burger and fries? Oh, I see. Uh, great, great, you want another race. A rematch. Okay, perfect. Work those legs and breathe that air. You're too close! You're too close!

===Song of the Banshee [1.9]===
:'''Wiley''': Welcome, folk. I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today. ''[the flock doesn't respond]'' Okay. Let's ''pretend'' you're all wondering why I called you here today. Glad you asked. I think it was [[w:Aristotle|Aristotle]] who said, &quot;How about a song? Gimme a song.&quot; And he... He was a smart guy. ''[still no response]'' Look. We're sheep. But that doesn't mean we can't develop a little culture. We gotta sing! We gotta dance! We gotta ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha! ''[still no response]'' Well, okay. Alright, we'll start with the singing, and end with the &quot;ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha&quot;. Let's go, sheep! ''[starts singing]'' My wiiiild I-I-I-Irish rooooose... The sweetest flower that-- ''[stops singing when he notices that the flock isn't singing along]'' I'm singing to an oil painting here.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are pretending to be pirates in the barn.]''
:'''Piggley''': For crimes against the Jolly Roger, including tryin' to steal the treasure chest, I, Captain Piggley, sentence you, Dastardly Dannan, to walk the plank. Any last words before we throw you to the sharks?!
:''[The sharks are just the chickens.]''
:'''Dannan''': I have been unjustly accused as a traitor! The ghost of Dastardly Dannan will return for revenge!
:''[Dannan jumps off the plank and lands on the floor, amongst the chickens. Piggley and Ferny look down.]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[victoriously]'' Aaarrrr!
:''[Suddenly, the kids all hear an eerie wail.]''
:'''Dannan''': What's that?!
:'''Ferny''': W-Where's it comin' from?
:'''Piggley''': Maybe... It's the ghost of Dastardly Dannan!
:'''Dannan''': It couldn't be! I'm right here! Maybe the chickens have a stomachache!
:'''Piggley''': Or maybe... it's a banshee!
:'''Ferny''': ''[scared]'' '''''A BANSHEE!!!'''''
:'''Dannan''': ''[scared]'' A banshee...?!
:'''Piggley''': Terrible, ghost-like banshee that dresses all in black, and wears a great, huge hood over its head, you know. ''[approaches Dannan]'' It floats into your room, moving right through the walls, and soars right up to you! Then, it starts to sing a song of doom. '''Doom...! Doooooom!'''
:''[The eerie wailing returns. The kids all scream in terror and flee the barn.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Don Toro''': Ah, it's too bad, little Dannan. It seems that you believe more in banshees than you believe in your friends.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[getting his flock's attention]'' Hey! There's [[w:Lassie|Lassie]]! Thank you. Remember last night, when we were trying to... sing? Well... it stunk. But tonight, we're gonna make it different. We're gonna shoot for the stars. Tonight, we're gonna go for mediocre! Okay, we're gonna use the buddy system, we're gonna divide up into groups. Now, I want high voices over here, low voices over there... ''[the flock starts moving around]'' Large voices here... Wait. Short voices... Hold it. ''[groans]'' STOP, STOP!!!
:''[The flock crashes and pile up on each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, new plan. We're all going to stand in one place. That's perfect.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': Are you alright?
:'''Piggley''': You scared the living daylights out of me!
:'''Ferny''': It's okay, Dannan. I just scared Piggley a bit.
:'''Piggley''': I wasn't scared.
:'''Ferny''': You said you were. You said I scared the living daylights out of you.
:'''Dannan''': Well, I'm really scared right now!
:'''Piggley''': No, you're not. You're not afraid of anything, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': Uh... except... BANSHEES!!! I really hate banshees!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Whoa, hold it, stop, please, before we make anything with ears angry! Okay, let's face it, we can't sing. We're baa-aa-aad singers. Which is strange, since you guys are Irish. But... I'll bet you can dance. And a-one... And a-two... ''[starts dancing]'' Watch me, flock! I'm a dancer! I'm a dancing fool! I'm a... ''[stops dancing]'' I'm an idiot. I'm dancing all by myself here.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ...bloom from my wild Irish... roooooose...! Okay, one more time! My wild... Irish rooo-'''''ooooooooose!'''''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Just sheep, just sheep? We are not just sheep! I am a star, and this is my audience!
:''[The flock claps for Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. You've been a great flock. I'll be here every Thursday through Saturday, two shows on Friday. And now, we dance!

===Our Dragon's Egg [1.10]===
:''[The children are singing as they pretend to be dragon-hunting knights.]''
:'''Piggley''': We brave knights be huntin' for dragons.
:'''Dannan''': With fiery breath and spiny backs.
:'''Ferny''': We'll trounce them all and fix their wagons...
:'''All''': Or... they will have us all for snacks! ''[echoing]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Leaving Dannan in charge of the egg.]''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley, do you think the baby dragon might ''really'' eat Dannan?
:'''Piggley''': No. They only eat princesses.
:'''Ferny''': Oh. ''[Molly peeks over the gate]'' Piggley, where are we gonna find a princess?
:'''Molly''': I'm a princess. Someday, I'll be the queen.
:'''Ferny''': ''[bluntly]'' You're a goner.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Thinking Dannan was eaten by the &quot;dragon&quot;.]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[singing sadly]'' Poor old Dannan is no more... The dragon gave a mighty roar... He swallowed Dannan whole today... Our friend Dannan's gone... away...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[talking to another sheep]'' I tell you, I gave that egg the best minute of my life. ''[after a beat, he starts crying]'' Oh, where's my little honker? Where's my little oval? ''[blows his nose in the other sheep's wool]'' Where are you now, Eggy?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': What's all the commotion, then?
:'''Elly''': Piggley has let a turkey loose in the kitchen.
:'''Piggley''': It's not a turkey! I'd never bring a turkey into the house!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': You're right, Piggley. It's not a turkey.
:'''Elly''': Well, then, what is it?
:'''Piggley''': It's a dragon!
:'''Padrig''': It's a cygnet. A cygnet is a baby swan.
:'''Piggley''': A baby swan?!

===The Cat Came Back... and Back [1.11]===
:'''Hector''': Hey, Piggley Dink. I'll swap you some of that licorice... for nothin'!

===Good Neighbor [1.12]===
:'''Scary Monster Theater Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, don't be fooled. That ordinary barn across the way may not be so ordinary after all. It could just be the secret laboratory of... a mad scientist!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now going to bed late and getting a good night's sleep after a mad scientist episode was always a bit of a challenge. And even though we knew it was all just pretend, it could sometimes cause our imaginations to get the better of us.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': The imagination is a wonderful, fascinating, terrifying thing, so it is. It can make mountains out of mountains, and monsters out of... just about anything.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': ''[pretending to be a monster]'' Ferny, come out! I want your brain! Must... have... brain! ''[roars]'' Give me... BRAIN!!! ''[roars]''
:'''Don Toro''': I'm so sorry, monster, but I'm afraid I can't let you have Fernando's brain. You see, he uses it himself sometimes.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': The last time I got clipped, I got clipped. The guy had no sense of style. I'm a good-lookin' sheep, you know. I got an image to maintain. How would I look with a crewcut? Maybe a flattop. Give me that dangerous sheep look. &quot;Hey, kids, leave that sheep alone. He's got a dangerous haircut.&quot; Yeah... I don't know. Maybe a ducktail.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[reading a feed bag]'' Wheat germ, flax seed, hay... ''[annoyed]'' Oats. That's the trouble with these feed bags. They all end the same. Oats.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': What's in the bag?
:'''Piggley''': I don't think it's potatoes.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': I wonder what else was in that sack he was draggin' in there.
:'''Dannan''': I'll bet there were some brains in it.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, you think so?
:'''Piggley''': Don't be daft. You don't put brains in a sack.
:'''Dannan''': And why not?
:'''Piggley''': They'd leak all over the place. You put brains in jars. Besides, Fergal doesn't have any brains yet. That's why he's making friends with Molly. So he can take ''hers.''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': I can't believe he wants ''Molly's'' brain! I mean, why couldn't he just take the brain of one of his other mad scientist friends?!
:'''Ferny''': Well, I don't think there are any other mad scientists around here to be friends with.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! That's why he's making a monster!
:'''Dannan''': What?
:'''Piggley''': Fergal O'Hopper is building a monster to be his friend!
:'''Dannan''': A friend with the brain of your sister, Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Well, why wouldn't he just make friends with your sister?!
:'''Piggley''': A mad scientist doesn't stop to think of those things. That's why they're mad, Ferny! And I won't have it, I tell you! I'm going over there right now to save Molly!

===Rock Around the Cluck [1.13]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing Molly's violin playing]'' Wowie, wow-wow-wow. What is ''that?'' Whatever it is, it's BAA-AA-AAD. It sounds like it's in pain. It must be starving or something. A starving creature is not a good thing for us sheep. We're very tasty, you know. ''[runs to the flock]'' Okay, flock, don't panic. Run for your lives!
:''[The frightened flock stampede, running over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': They can't catch you if you zig-zag! ''[runs after the flock in a zig-zag pattern]'' Zig-zag, zig-zag, zig-zag!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[hears Molly's violin again]'' You hear that? It's that sheep-eating thing again. So what are we gonna do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do, I'm glad you asked. We're gonna prepare. We're gonna learn what to do in case that thing stops screaming, and starts looking for a woolly midnight snack. First, we gotta figure out what that thing is. Let's say, it's a lion.
:''[A sheep bleats with question.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, Shirley wants to know what a lion is. Who can answer that? ''[the sheep just look around]'' It seems like nobody, except me. And take it from me, you don't wanna know. So imagine instead a giant sheep-eating squirrel. ''[acts ferocious]'' Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Now, pretend I'm that squirrel. What do we do?
:''[A giant walnut falls next to Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Haha. You know, if I was that squirrel, and I was looking for nuts... you guys would be in big trouble.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': Who's Cluck Cockwren?!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[describing his stage fright]'' And my confidence disappeared faster than a magician's rabbit.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': Jakers. The place is packed. Everyone in the whole town is here.
:'''Dannan''': Of course they are. You told them to come, didn't you?
:'''Piggley''': I know, but...
:'''Ferny''': But? But? But what?
:'''Piggley''': Well, uh... What if we're not as good as Cluck Cockwren? What if we're not any good at all?
:'''Ferny''': Oh... But you said we were, Piggley. You told everyone.
:'''Dannan''': Oh... You better not have been messing with us, Piggley. It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were bad after all the fuss you made.
:'''Piggley''': Well, now... I ''think'' we're good. But you know... I'm not sure we're as good as Cluck.
:'''Dannan''': Oh, dear...
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack...

===Donkeys Into Racehorses [1.14]===
:'''Wiley''': Would you look at that? We get grass, and the donkey gets fruit! ''[see a chicken eating a worm]'' And look at that! The chicken gets spaghetti! From the earth! Earth spaghetti! Who knew? ''[looks at another worm sticking out from the ground]'' Would you look at that? I can't eat this. What if I eat him and his friends come looking for him? Worse, what if they ''find'' him? Crawl free, buddy. ''[the worm slithers away]'' You know, someday, I may be in trouble, and that little squirmy guy might save my life. ''[the sheep look unamused]'' ...Yeah, I don't buy it either.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': I tell you, I'd never seen anything like it. All that oats made that old donkey run faster than any racehorse I'd ever seen before, or ever seen since. Like the lightning, he was! In fact, faster than lightning!
:'''Sean and Seamus''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Okay. Maybe not as fast as all of that.

===Fir Not [1.15]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': We've been visited by a [[w:far darrig|fir darrig]].
:'''Sean''': Far jarry?
:'''Seamus''': Far jagger?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Fir. Darrig. Are you lads ever going to learn to speak the language?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Describing the fir darrig.]''
:'''Piggley''': He's about the size of a leprechaun. With a tail.
:'''Dannan''': And he has whiskers.
:'''Piggley''': And... huge flappy ears.
:'''Dannan''': And little beady eyes. ''[points to Wiley]'' Like him!
:'''Wiley''': Me?
:'''Dannan''': And a snout like you wouldn't believe.
:'''Piggley''': And broad shoulders!
:'''Dannan''': And teeny-tiny little feet.
:'''Wiley''': Delicate. Not tiny. Delicate.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Let's face it, Wiley. You got it. And what is &quot;it&quot;? I don't know. That's why it's called &quot;it&quot;, instead of... Debbie.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The sheep are chasing after the pie on the fishing line like in a football game.]''
:'''Wiley''': Nice recovery by Darla! They don't call her the Wooly Wonder for nothing.
:''[The aforementioned sheep crashes.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...Come to think of it, they don't call her the Wooly Wonder.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': What a game! What excitement! It's a kaleidoscope of competition! The thrill of victory, the agony of--
:''[The sheep running with the pie gets its wool pulled off by another. The sheep stops in embarrassment, before the pie is snatched away.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...a bald sheep with no pie!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Wiley gets the pie snatched away from him on the fishing line by Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's'' fast food.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[The pie has smashed a window on Piggley's house.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, now you've done it!
:'''Piggley''': Me?!
:'''Dannan''': You shouldn't have pulled so hard!
:'''Piggley''': It was Ferny who put his weight into it!
:'''Ferny''': Oh, but Dannan threw it off balance!
:'''Dannan''': Oh no, I did not!
:'''Ferny''': You did so!
:'''Dannan''': Did not!
:'''Piggley''': Did so!
:'''Ferny''': You were the one in front!
:'''Piggley''': I was barely touching it!
:'''Dannan''': You were stepping on my toes!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': You know, we didn't actually ''see'' the window break, did we?
:'''Dannan''': Trust me, Piggley. That's a ''BROKEN'' window.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': If these fine, honest children say that this was done by a fir darrig, then that must have been the case. Why, they would never make up such a story. Everyone knows a fir darrig is a rascal to start with. And if you were to blame him for something he didn't do, well... he could be mean! Even downright spiteful! 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': I'm gifted enough to perform any kind of story. Mystery? Haha! What's that? I don't know! Romance. Dare I tell you of my love? Dare I let the honeyed words drop slowly from my lips? I dare! Westerns! Howdy, partners. Howdy, ma'am. Reckon I'll head down the trail a piece. Some dude with a rig on his hip is a-takin' to make a heap of trouble, I reckon.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Padrig is pretending to scold Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Padrig''': Now, see here, you ruffians! How dare you break a window, then blame a poor innocent fir darrig for your own mischief! For shame! Shame, I say! ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan beg]'' A lifetime of peelin' potatoes is too good for the likes of you!
:'''Piggley''': Keep it up, Dad. ''[he, Ferny, and Dannan go back to begging]''
:'''Padrig''': It's cleaning the barn for you, top to bottom, spic and span! And none of ya will see the light of day until the barn is as clean as a whistle!
:'''Ferny''': Please, sir! Anything but that!
:'''Padrig''': It's no use begging for mercy! Me mind's made up!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Cleaning the barn.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, this is a powerful big job.
:'''Dannan''': Well, it's a powerful big apology we've got to be giving to the fir darrig.
:'''Ferny''': You know, come to think of it, I never ''did'' see that fir darrig.
:'''Dannan''': You're right! We never did! Why, how do we know that there ever ''was'' one, and if he was ever truly mad at us?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack! And we gave ourselves all this extra work!
:'''Piggley''': Maybe you're right, lads. But then again... maybe not.

===The Legend of Raloo [1.16]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': And Cú Chulainn said to himself, &quot;I am all alone against all those who will follow Queen Maeve. I cannot defeat them, but I must not let them win.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to be a prisoner. Besides, in the story, Queen Maeve was the enemy of Cú Chulainn. You should be taking her prisoner, not me.
:'''Dannan''': ''[laughs]'' This is our legend, prisoner! And in our story, all the Irish are on the same side.
:'''Piggley''': You see, Ferny. It's like when martians invade in movies. You're the invader, and we're protecting Ireland.
:'''Ferny''': ''[sadly]'' Oh.
:'''Dannan''': And now, ''baddie,'' you're our prisoner!
:'''Ferny''': Not anymore, I'm not! ''[throws down his bucket helmet and runs away]'' Now I'm an escaped prisoner!
:'''Piggley''': ''[laughs]'' That's good, Ferny!
:'''Dannan''': We can't let the prisoner escape, Cú Chulainn!
:'''Piggley''': Go on, Ferny! You're gonna have to run faster than that so we can chase ya!
:'''Dannan''': And capture you again!
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to run faster, and I don't want to be captured again, and I don't want to play anymore!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': What fun is it being the enemy all day, just 'cause I'm Spanish? Maybe I'd run all the way back to Spain. That'd show 'em.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing the night sounds]'' I haven't heard this much noise since Bernie sat on a hedgehog!
:''[NOTE: The captions mistakenly use Ferny's name instead of Bernie.]''

===Sheep on the Loose [1.17]===
:'''Piggley''': I just don't understand this sheep at all. I've pushed him, I've pulled him, I've whistled at him, I've even yelled at him, and he still won't do what I want him to do, AND I'M THE SHEPHERD!

===Milk Melodrama [1.18]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, the colorful sheep improvement project has not been going that well. In fact, I wouldn't be out of line to say, it stinks. Painting Fluffy made his wool all stiff and weird, so we had to shave Fluffy, who, until his wool grows back, will now be known as Skinny.

===No Girls Allowed [1.19]===
:'''Wiley''': I can't stand it anymore! &quot;Baa, baa&quot;! That's all you ever say!
:'''Gray sheep''': What do you expect? They're sheep.
:'''Wiley''': Yeah, that's true, but-- Hey, whoa, you talked! You opened your mouth and real words came out!
:'''Gray sheep''': Boy, nothing gets by you, does it?
:'''Wiley''': Finally, someone to talk to! This is great! We can discuss poetry, and music, macramé! We can have an intelle-cellec-cellec-ellectual exchange!
:'''Gray sheep''': Do you mind? You're-- You're standing on my lunch.
:'''Wiley''': Oh, I'm sorry.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': So, you're in the spooky storytellers club without me, are you? And I can't be in the club because I'm a girl, am I? And girls are scared of ghosts and things, are they?! '''''YOU BOTH KNOW QUITE WELL THAT I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS, OR MONSTERS, OR SPOOKY STORIES!!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley? I think she's mad.
:'''Piggley''': Uh, Dannan... We know you're not scared of those things, and you're great at telling spooky stories, but Hector says--
:'''Dannan''': HECTOR?! ...Well now, if Hector says it, it must be true. Scary stories told by brave boys like yourself just might be too much for a delicate thing like me.
:'''Ferny''': Really?
:'''Piggley''': Oh. You're not mad, then?
:'''Dannan''': Mad? Ha! Don't be silly. You boys go on ahead to your little storytelling club. Have a scary good time! I insist! Hee-hee! ''[steps out the barn]'' It's going to be a lot scarier than you think it'll be!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Gray sheep''': So, what do you do for fun around here?
:'''Wiley''': We graze. Then we walk. Sometimes we mosey. Then we graze again. Walk, graze, walk, graze, walk--
:'''Gray sheep''': Okay, okay, got it. ''[watches the flock]'' Not exactly overachievers, are they?
:'''Wiley''': ''[offended]'' Hey, this is my flock you're talking about. They may not be the smartest.
:''[A sheep stands under an overturned bucket wedged between a fence and a wall, as water drips on its head.]''
:'''Wiley''': Or the ''second'' smartest.
:''[A sheep knits a sock with its own wool.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[embarrassed]'' Or the third.
:''[A sheep blows on another sheep's propeller beanie.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': ''[sighs with annoyance]'' Is this gonna go on long?
:'''Wiley''': Usually an hour and a half.
:'''Gray sheep''': I think it's time for some changes around here.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Gray sheep''': ''[being pampered by three lady sheep]'' So then I said, &quot;What do you think I'm made of, wool?&quot;
:''[The lady sheep giggle.]''
:'''Wiley''': Agnes! Lucille! Mary-Lou! What are you doing?! Whoa, look at the shine on those hooves!
:'''Gray sheep''': Dazzling, aren't they? Uh, you missed a spot.
:'''Wiley''': Look, pal, all you've done since you've got here is insult me and my flock. And now if I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to take over as head sheep.
:'''Gray sheep''': He's cute, but a little slow.
:'''Wiley''': That's it! We are going to settle this the way they do in Brooklyn!
:'''Gray sheep''': You mean...?
:'''Wiley''': You got it! A dance-off! Hit it! ''[dances]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Not bad, but you're looking at a three-time golden hooves champion.
:''[Wiley and the other sheep dance together while the flock watches.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, flock, which one of us has the magic feet?
:''[After a beat, the entire flock blows a raspberry. Wiley and the gray sheep slump sadly.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Hoo... Tough audience.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Ferny and I really wanted to like Hector's version of &quot;The Hand with the Thirteen Fingers&quot;. We truly did. But we couldn't help remembering how much more fun and scary it was when Dannan had told us the story the summer before. Of course, now that I think of it, I don't know if it would have really mattered if Hector had been the greatest storyteller of all time or not. For Ferny and myself, something was missing. And that something was Dannan.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Gosford''': Okay, and then they heard this noise... Oh, wait. Did I say first it was a ghost ship? Okay, sorry. ''[laughs]'' It was a ghost ship. ''[honks]'' So, they heard this noise, and oh no, it's not a ghost ship! Okay, everybody, forget I said that! They hear the noise, and that's the ghost ship!
:'''Piggley''': Jakers. I'd love to hear Dannan tell this one.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, me too.
:'''Gosford''': So, now the ghost ship, honk, comes up next to the other ship. Wait, wait just a second. And there are ghosts on it! Honk. On the ghost ship, that is, on the other ship, I'm not really sure, so we'll just pretend there's just like a giant squid.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Elly''': Well, excuse me, boys, but I heard you were telling scary stories here. Would it be alright if I listened in?
:'''Padrig''': I know she's a girl, but I'm hoping you might make an exception for your own mother.
:'''Hector''': Well, uh... Being a mother isn't the same as being a girl.
:'''Piggley''': It's okay, Mammy. You can stay.
:'''Elly''': Oh, thank you, boys.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': See, Hector? Girls can be just as scary as you. ''Scarier'', even!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': This farm's not big enough for the two of us.
:'''Gray sheep''': You are right, fuzzy, so there's only one thing left to do. A vote. Okay, flock. It's up to you. Who will it be? A multi-talented, curly-wooled sheep about town such as myself... or him?
:''[The flock looks at Wiley and the gray sheep. Wiley smiles and waves at his flock. Soon, one by one, the flock walks up to Wiley's side, much to the surprise of the gray sheep.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, I... I have to hand it to you, Wiley. You are the leader of one loyal flock.
:'''Wiley''': I am? ''[the other sheep nod]''
:'''Gray sheep''': And you're a pretty good dancer, too. ''[dons his top hat]'' Maybe we'll meet up again when I've brushed up a bit. ''[dances and leaves whistling]''
:''[Wiley and the flock wave goodbye.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, so, sweetheart, what did you think of my dancing? Be honest. ''[the sheep whispers to Wiley]'' Not ''that'' honest. ''[laughs]'' You sweet-talker.

===New Best Friends [1.20]===
:'''Gosford''': My oak tree is ancient!
:'''Dannan''': My rowan tree is prehistoric!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Who wants to get Uncle Wiley a pillow? Who wants to get Uncle Wiley an ice pack?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': A flower? After what you kids put me through, you think a flower is gonna make it all better?

===Treasure Hunt [1.21]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, no more treasure hunt. After all, the best things in life are free. If only I could believe that.

===A Little Bit of Something Extra! Extra! [1.23]===
:'''Piggley''': Sir, Piggley Winks from the Tara School News here! Are you lost?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Eh, no, I...
:'''Piggley''': Have you been robbed?
:'''Male pig citizen''': No.
:'''Piggley''': Did your house burn down?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Oh, I hope not!
:'''Piggley''': Have you seen any good movies lately?
:'''Male pig citizen''': ''[frustrated]'' I... I'm just looking for me car!
:'''Piggley''': Aha! Your car has been stolen! Tell me, who do you think might have stolen it, then?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Well, it's not stolen! I just can't remember where I parked it. ''[laughs]'' There it is!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, it's too bad he found his car. That would've made a fine story.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': News isn't about pretending. It's about telling the truth.
:'''Piggley''': But we're not finding any interesting truth to tell.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': Made-up news isn't real news, Piggley.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! No Little Baa! Where are you?!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Hector''': ''[seeing Little Baa in the cauliflower box]'' The cauliflower is alive!

===Ferny Gets a Crush [1.24]===
:''[The sheep are terrified by the sound of Padrig's tractor backfiring.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hey, hey. What are you guys hiding behind me for? Oh yeah, I forgot. Defender of the flock, and all that. Hey, you think maybe we could start that defending stuff tomorrow?
:''[The sheep bleat and push Wiley to the door.]''
:'''Wiley''': Alright, I'm going, I'm going. What a stupid day to become a knight.
:''[Wiley goes outside, and sees smoke from the tractor coming out from the side of the barn.]''
:'''Wiley''': Sweet Sally from Sligo! It's a dragon! Some day, I'm sure I'll look back on this thing and laugh. Or scream in terror. Who knows?

===Lucky U [1.26]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[singing'' Molly Malone ''while watering his garden]''
:She wheeled the wheelbarrow
:Through streets broad and narrow
:Crying &quot;Cockles and mussels!&quot;
:&quot;Alive, alive-oh!&quot;
:&quot;Alive, alive-oh...!&quot;
:&quot;Alive, alive...&quot;

==Season 2==
===Molly Had a Little Lamb [2.2]===
:'''Molly''': No! This is naughty, Lamby! This food doesn't belong to you! I'm sorry, but you shouldn't even be here. Lambs should be in the field with the other sheep. It's time to take you home.

===Rain, Rain Go Away [2.4]===
:'''Wiley''': Hey, flock. Anybody notice anything, like water? Of course, you don't. Nothing can get through that thick wool of yours. Me, I'm delicate. I notice things, like when I'm being rained on. ''[lots of rain falls down on Wiley]'' That's it. I'm off to find someplace that's not so damp. ''[slips and falls in the water]'' Hold my calls.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': ''[making a sandwich his own way for Molly]'' Now, what do you say to that?
:'''Molly''': '''THAT'S NOT HOW MAMMY DOES IT!!!'''
:'''Piggley''': Of course not! Like I told you, it's a Piggley special.
:'''Molly''': I don't like the Piggley special sandwich! I like Mammy's sandwiches!
:'''Piggley''': Sure you haven't even tried it?
:'''Molly''': '''''MAMMYYYYYY!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Look at this place! No wonder they call it a ruin, it's ruined!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[inside a dark castle with a bunch of wild goats]'' No offense, but someone here has missed their appointment with a shower.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading to Molly]'' Buck Bravo was the bravest sheriff in the wild west. Wherever he went, people felt safer knowing he was on the job.
:'''Molly''': Where's the wild west?
:'''Piggley''': In America. It's where cowboys come from. Whenever there was trouble, a call would go out, and Buck would ride to the rescue.
:'''Molly''': ''[gasps]'' To save a princess?
:'''Piggley''': There's no princesses in the wild west, Molly. Buck would saddle up his trusty horse, Dusty, and--
:'''Molly''': Can Dusty fly?
:'''Piggley''': Horses can't fly, Molly.
:'''Molly''': Princess Princy Plumme's horse can fly.
:'''Piggley''': ''[gives up]'' And they lived happily ever after, the end!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Yuck. I've heard about caves. They're dark, and dirty, and filled with bats. Ugh. But dry. Very dry.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': You're not running out into the rain to tell Mam that I'm not sharing a pretend bird with you!

===A Touch of Spain [2.5]===
:'''Dannan''': Why is it that not one of us knew that donkeys don't wear horseshoes?
:'''Piggley''': Oh, I guess that's why they don't call it donkeyshoes.
:'''Dannan''': At least the horse is happy.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley goes to Dannan's house early the next morning.]''
:'''Piggley''': Dannan, Dannan, I have to talk to you!
:'''Dannan''': Piggley, you wouldn't put a dog out this early in the morning.
:'''Piggley''': But, Dannan! I know how to keep Don Toro from going back to Spain!
:'''Dannan''': What are you doing to do, wake him up so he's too tired to go?
:'''Piggley''': I've got the perfect plan. Don Toro's leaving 'cause he misses Spain, right?
:'''Dannan''': Right...
:'''Piggley''': So, instead of going to Spain, we bring Spain to him!
:'''Dannan''': You are sleep deprived.

===Waking Thor [2.7]===
:'''Piggley''': A sandwich! Raw vegetables! They've turned me into... Vlad the Daft!
:'''Dannan''': ''[gasps]'' A vampire! Don't worry, Ferny! I'll protect ya!
:'''Ferny''': Why do they call you &quot;Daft&quot;?
:'''Piggley''': Because I always do the opposite of what I'm told!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny:'''
:Oh...
:Thor, I'll miss you
:And I'll feel sad
:But I won't forget
:The good times we had

:I gave you your name
:And I gave you care
:But you gave me something
:Much more rare

:Deep in my heart
:You'll always be there...

===Dannan Does a Jig [2.10]===
:'''Wiley''': Look, if you guys don't start shaping up, I'm gonna have to bring in a sheepdog to control you! A sheepdog! You know, the kind with ''teeth!''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': Who says you can't teach an old sheep new tricks?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Dannan's feet are painted red and blue to help her dance, but she crashed in the middle of dancing.]''
:'''Dannan''': Me feet might be red and blue, but me backside is black and blue.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[tired of pretending to be a sheepdog]'' This dog stuff is for the birds, and I am a sheep.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Dannan is having a nightmare where she embarrasses herself and her grandmother with her dancing in front of the whole school.]''
:'''Grandma''': ''[disappointed]'' Just like your grandfather!

===Wish Upon a Story (Part 1) [2.12]===
:''[In Sean's story, Molly asks to ride the Raloo Rocket, which has turned into a real rocket.]''
:'''Piggley''': Are you whacked?! It's too dangerous for little girls!
:'''Molly''': No fair!
:'''Piggley''': Yes, fair!
:'''Molly''': Well, if you ask me, I think this whole thing is bogus!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Elly''': Don't you be coming home late for dinner now, little dude.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[riding Finnegan in Egypt]'' Hey, hey, we're walkin' here!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': I think you're headed right towards the Eiffel Tower, Commander Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Hit the brakes!
:'''Piggley''': I don't think there are any brakes!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Bummer.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Piggley''': ''[landing on the moon]'' That's one small step for me, but one giant leap for kid-kind!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Meg's story, Dannan has made a wish to control Mr. Hornsby's words.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Now, class... ''['''Meg:''' Said the teacher.]'' Your homework, I'm saying...
:'''Dannan:''' ''[quietly]'' Is put all your books down...
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' ...is put all your books down, go out and start playing?!
:'''Class:''' Huh?!
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Instead of a test, now, here's what we'll be doing, we'll go out and play 'til the cows all stop mooing?! ''[gasps and covers his mouth]''
:'''Dannan:''' ''[laughs]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' In fact, my dear children, forget being smarties! The rest of the day, '''WE'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT PARTIES!!!'''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': They're having a party. Well, that's truly amazing. Those kids are as happy as hungry sheep grazing. Hey, whaddya know? I'm a poet, and I don't even know it.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': ''[seeing Ferny as a giant]'' Hoppin' hairballs, someone oughta tell that kid to lay off the nachos.

===The Creepy Cabbages of County Galway [2.14]===
:'''Padrig''': ''[on a crossword puzzle]'' A five-letter word meaning &quot;elf&quot;.
:'''Elly''': Gnome.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Padrig''': Piggley, you're supposed to be in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But I ''love'' scary shows! Scary Monster Theater is me favorite!
:'''Padrig''': Scary Monster Theater is for children. Creepy Theater is for grown-ups.
:'''Elly''': That's why it's on ''after'' your bedtime.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Piggley is listening to the radio show from inside his bedroom.]''
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[on radio]'' Quiet night, professor?
:'''Professor''': ''[on radio]'' Indeed. Maybe, a little ''too'' quiet.
:'''Elly''': Piggley, are you under your covers?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, yes, mam, I'm under me covers. ''[snickers]''
:'''Professor's wife''': It's a beautiful night.
:'''Professor''': Beautiful, but still too quiet.
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[gasps]'' What's that? ''[panicked]'' In the cabbage field!
:''[Piggley becomes scared as he keeps listening, and hides under his covers.]''
:'''Professor''': ''[gasps]'' IT'S ALIVE!!! CABBAGE!!! '''''ALIVE!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dannan''': What are you two doing flying about in your noisy rocket like that while I'm trying to study?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, there's no need for studying, Dannan. I'm having a dream.
:'''Ferny''': With cabbages! ''[chuckles]''
:'''Dannan''': Why do you have cabbages in your dream, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Probably because I listened to the Creepy Theater radio show just before I fell asleep.
:'''Dannan''': ''[furious]'' '''WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-''WHAT?!''''' You were listening to Creepy Theater? ''[Piggley guiltily nods]'' Didn't your parents tell you that's a grown-up show?
:'''Piggley''': I figure I'm grown-up enough, Dannan. ''[after a beat, frowns]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, you think so? Well, I won't be any part of a dream that comes from disobeying your parents!
:'''Piggley''': Okay, Dannan! But you're going to miss out on all the fun!
:'''Dannan''': Fun? Ha! Mark my words, Piggley. No good'll come of this rule-breaking stuff!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Cabbage vendor''': Cabbages! I've got cabbages! Get your cabbages today!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Miss Nanny''': How would you boys like some free sweets?
:'''Piggley''': Sweets?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, thank you, Miss Nanny! Piggley, you should've been dreaming about this from the start.
:'''Miss Nanny''': Oh, how about something extra special? I have just the thing in me shop. Wait here. ''[goes into her shop]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh... I'd rather have sweets than fly in a wagon any old day of the week.
:'''Piggley''': You can have sweets anytime, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': Right, but I'd still rather have 'em.
:'''Miss Nanny''': ''[comes out of her shop]'' Here you go. Have some nice, chocolate-covered... cabbage!
:'''Piggley''': CABBAGE?!
:'''Miss Nanny''': If you don't like chocolate, how about a peppermint cabbage?
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Miss Nanny''': Or perhaps butterscotch cabbage? Cotton cabbage? A cabbage toffee? ''[becoming gradually hysterical]'' A cabbage cake? Lolly-cabbage-pops! ''[Piggley and Ferny run away]'' Tutti-frutti cabbage! '''CABBAGE-SICLES!!!'''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Wiley''': You know what they say, Bernie. You are what you eat. ''[Bernie has been turned into a cabbage with hooves]'' So I'm thinking, maybe you should lay off cabbages for a little while. ''[the other sheep are all cabbages]'' In fact, the whole flock should lay off cabbages!
:''[A carrot with hooves walks up.]''
:'''Wiley''': Except for you, Ethel. You should cut down on the carrots. ''[the carrot droops sadly]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ferny''': Piggley, you've got to stop dreaming about cabbages!
:'''Piggley''': I can't, Ferny! 
:'''Ferny''': ''[frantically shakes Piggley]'' Then wake up! Come on! '''''WAKE UP!!!''''' ''[splashes a bucket of water on Piggley]''
:'''Piggley''': It's no good, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': What if you never wake up?
:'''Piggley''': Let's make a promise. Right here and right now. That we'll stay together always and none of us will ever become a cabbage.
:'''Ferny''': Raloo Oath.
:''[Ferny spits into his hand, as does Piggley. But as soon as they shake hands, Piggley notices in horror that Ferny's hand has turned into a big green leaf.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ferny! '''''Your hand!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Huh? Oh, Janey Mack! Oh. It's alright. ''[shows his other hand, which is also a green leaf]'' See? The other one's just like it. ''[laughs]''
:''[Ferny turns into a cabbage.]''

==Season 3==
===Mi Galeon [3.06]===
:'''Don Toro''': Piggley and Dannan were very impressed with our boat.
:'''Ferny''': ''[depressed]'' Si, papa. They were.
:'''Don Toro''': Our galleon is sure to win the boat race.
:'''Ferny''': Maybe.
:'''Don Toro''': We can be very proud of the work we have done on our boat, Fernandito.
:'''Ferny''': ''[loses his temper]'' Why do you keep calling it OUR galleon, and OUR boat?! It's not OUR boat, it's YOUR boat! YOU made it! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PROUD!
:'''Don Toro''': Fernando, I-- ''[Ferny runs out of the shop, crying]''

===Tale Spinner [3.08]===
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You know, Mr. Hornsby told me that you have a lot of talent, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': He did?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Oh, yes. And I thought your story was very imaginative and exciting.
:'''Piggley''': Thank you! Does that mean I get an A+ on the assignment?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an F, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': What?!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You see, you didn't ''do'' the assignment.
:'''Piggley''': Eh, but... but... I have talent!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Yes, you have been given a gift, but it's up to you to do something with it, and that, young man, takes work. Work that you did not do.
:'''Piggley''': But... But...
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You may take your seat now.

===Mind Your Manners [3.11]===
:''[Piggley has flipped his spoon on Miss Nanny's forehead.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. McGandry. Right then and there, he decided that children would not be invited to his fancy party after all.

===The World According to Molly [3.12]===
:''[The events of &quot;Rock Around the Cluck&quot; in Molly's perspective.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[about Molly's violin playing]'' Well, I say she stinks! I've heard better sounds come out of a donkey's nose! They should arrest you for crimes against music! ''[laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In the last lines of the show, Grandpa Piggley is calling a grown-up Molly on the phone.]''
:'''Aunt Molly''': Hello?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Hello, Molly!
:'''Aunt Molly''': Piggley! I suppose Meg got me diary today.
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Yes, she did, and we both thank you for it. It's lovely. And by the way, is there anything else you remember that I need to apologize to you for, hmm?

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Peadar Lamb|Peadar Lamb]] as Grandpa Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Maile Flanagan|Maile Flanagan]] as Young Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] as Fernando Toro, Elly Winks and Ciara.
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dannan O'Mallard and Molly Winks.
* [[w:Nika Futterman|Nika Futterman]] as Seamus and Sean.
* [[w:Melissa Disney|Melissa Disney]] as Meg.
* [[Mel Brooks]] as Wiley the Sheep.
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] as Mr. Hornsby and Padrig Winks.
* [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as Hector McBadger.
* Fernando Escandon as Don Toro.
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Millie and Katrina.
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] as Gosford.
* [[w:Susan Silo|Susan Silo]] as Miss Nanny.
* [[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]] as Gaddie.
* Cathal Nugent as Disgruntled Goat.
* [[w:David Kelly (actor)|David Kelly]] as Captain Cumara.
* [[w:Brendan Gleeson|Brendan Gleeson]] as Older Fernando Toro.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Irish animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
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  <page>
    <title>Clifford the Big Red Dog (2000 TV series)</title>
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    <id>198910</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:03:50Z</timestamp>
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'''''[[w:Clifford the Big Red Dog (2000 TV series)|Clifford the Big Red Dog]]''''' (2000-2003) is a Public Broadcasting Service, [[w:Right Entertainment|Right Entertainment]], Cataland Productions and [[w:MacroVision Quality Protection|MacroVision Quality Protection]] in an American [[w:Animated series|animated]] [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based upon the book series of the same name centering on an extremely large dog and his owner. It aired on PBS Kids in the United States for 2 seasons in 2000, 2001 2002, and 2003. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8.

==Season 1 (2000-2001)==

===''My Best Friend / Cleo's Fair Share'' [1.1]=== 
:'''Miss. Spurr''': Now, remember, class. Friday, we'll have show-and-tell. You may each bring in something you'd like to share with the rest of the class. 
:'''Mira''': I'm gonna bring in from Colombia. 
:'''John Joven''': Sit Down Breakfast With Tony &amp; You’ll Discover Why It’s Great. 
:'''Cipriana''': ''[smugly]'' We Learn Something Every Minute. 
:'''Miss. Spurr''': He Will Help You Create An Avatar The Typer Math Facts Version Of You &amp; Then You. ''[the ground starts rumbling as Clifford races to the school]'' 
:'''Kids''': HI MY NAME IS EMILY ELIZABETH &amp; THIS IS CLIFFORD MY BIG RED DOG! 
:'''Miss. Spurr''': Well But One Way Is Chemotherapy. 
:'''Kids''': ''[laugh as Clifford peeks out the window]'' 
:'''Miss. Spurr''': With Are New Coloring Books You Will Have Hours Of Fun Coloring The Characters That You’ll Know &amp; Love From All Of Are Award Winning DVDs.

:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Clifford, no!

===''Special Delivery / A Ferry Tale'' [1.2]===
''After accidentally breaking a present for Emily Elizabeth's Cousin, and Cleo tells him to hide the fact from her.''
:'''Clifford''': My stomach hurts...
:'''Cleo''': I'd told you she'd be happy!
:'''Clifford''': But she thinks I took the package!

===''And Birdy Makes 3 / Home Is Where the Fun Is'' [1.3]===
:'''Pluto''': I know how you feel. When I was a little, tiny 🐶, I couldn't even jump ⬆️ on the 🛋️ .

===''Clifford's Carnival / Clifford's Doggy Reunion'' [1.4]===
:'''John Joven''': ''Clifford!'' It's story time! ''Today's story is Speckle and the Rainy Day. ☝️ day, Speckle went 🚶‍♀️ in the 🌧️ . He walked past Darnell trying to stay dry. Speckle invited Darnell to join him under his ☂️ . Then, Speckle saw 🌝, and he invited her to join them under the ☂️, too. As they walked by the brook, they spied Ravi and Reba, but, there was no more room under Speckle's ☂️ . So, Speckle invited everyone to 🧗‍♀️ in, and they all floated downstream in their ☂️ 🛥️, 😃 and 😆 together. The end.''

===''The Great Race / Tummy Trouble'' [1.5]=== 
:'''Clifford''': Yes. 
:'''Cleo''': Yes. 
:'''T-Bone''': Yes. 

:''[Cleo and Clifford recite a jump rope rhyme as Cleo jumps]''
:'''Dinah and Pluto''': Bowser Bites, 😮 a treat! That is 😮 I 👍 to eat! Tummy Yummies 👅 😀! You eat ☝️, and I'll eat eight!

===''Cleo Comes to Town / False Friends'' [1.6]===

===''Clifford and the Beanstalk / An Itchy Patch'' [1.7]===
:'''John Joven''': 😥, 🐮. 👩 says I must sell you. I shall 👩‍🏫 you so.

===''A New Friend / Stormy Weather'' [1.8]===
:'''Mr. Early''': It feels 👍 knowing the 📚 is safe.

----
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': I know everyone's been telling you not to dig today. ''[Clifford whimpers]'' But we didn't mean for you to think that all digging is bad. In fact, digging is one of your best talents. You're very good at it. It's just that there's a right time and a right place for you to use your talents. And right now, if you dig here... you'll really be helping us.
:''[Clifford barks excitedly.]''

===''Circus Stars / Limelight Fright'' [1.9]===

===''To Catch a Bird / The Best Party Ever'' [1.10]=== 
:'''Pluto''': Emily-Elizabeth would 👎 take her 🏅! 
:'''John Joven''': ''[to Jetta who accuses her for stealing her metal]'' I'd ''never'' take your 🏅. 
:'''Mira''': You were jealous because 🙌 the spelling contest, so you stole it.

===''Come Back Mac / Boo!'' [1.11]===
:'''Butch''': You should go 🏠, Mac. Jetta is 😟 about you.
:'''Pug''': I can't go 🏠. 👀. 
:''[Mac shows T-Bone, Cleo and Clifford the sweater he accidentally ruined]''

===''Little Clifford / Welcome to Birdwell Island'' [1.12]=== 
:'''Mr. Bradley''': Why, hello, Emily-Elizabeth! Come on in and meet all the puppies. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Mr. Howard''': ''[finds Clifford in his shoe; laughs]'' Here he is! 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Thanks, dad. 
:'''Mr. Howard''': This little guy can fit just about anywhere. ''[tickles Clifford's belly]'' I hope he doesn't get himself into trouble. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Mrs. Howard''': Thanks for the bread, Mr. Thompson. How much do I owe you? ''[opens her purse and Clifford pops out; gasps]'' Oh, my! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Clifford, I think you've grown! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:''[Emily-Elizabeth shows her parents how large Clifford's grown]'' 
:'''Mr. Howard''': Wow! I've never seen anything like it, Emily. That dog is.... huge! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Violet Bleakman''': T-T-T-That dog is HUGE! 
:'''Horace Bleakman''': And a huge dog means huge trouble! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Mr. Howard''': There it is, Caroline. The Sea Shell! 
:'''Mrs. Howard''': Oh, isn't it exciting, Mark? Our very own store. 
:'''Jetta''': ''[walks up with Mac, meeting them for the first time]'' Hello, I'm Jetta Handover. 
:'''Mrs. Howard''': Pleased to meet you, Jetta. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Oscar Owens''': Ruff!
:'''T-Bone''': Ruff!
:'''Oscar Owens''': ARRR! Oh, hello!
:'''Mac''': ''[keeping his mouth smiled]'' Welcome to Birdwell Island.
:'''Clifford the Big Red Dog''': ''[in deeper voice]'' I'll show around the big places around the island.
:'''Oscar Owens''': W-W-Well that's great! We did.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===''Doing the Right Thing / The Dog Who Cried Woof'' [1.13]===
:'''T-Bone''': ''[Angrily]'' We were really worried about you, Cleo. That wasn't nice. 
:'''Cleo''': It was just a joke. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Clifford''': She ''is'' trying to trick us, T-Bone. And after she promised to stop! 
:'''T-Bone''': What should we do? 
:'''Cleo''': CLIFFORD! Hurry! The stinky skunk's got me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cleo''': Aw, man! P-U! That is definitely not a ghost skunk, that is the real thing.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Clifford''': Swimming's a lot more fun than playing tricks any day.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Clifford''': Okay. Come on, Cleo, let's go home. Mrs. Diller will be happy to see you.
:'''T-Bone''': But I bet she won't be happy to ''smell'' you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cleo''': Don't worry, guys. I've learned my lesson the ''stinky'' way.

===''Leaf of Absence / Nobody's Perfect'' [1.14]=== 
:'''Charley''': ''[groans in frustration after failing to do &quot;jingly juggling&quot;]'' I need a shower.

===''Teacher's Pet / Islander of the Year'' [1.15]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': My nomine for Birdwell Island of the year is Birdwell's vet, Dr. Din.

===''Clifford's Big Surprise / The Ears Have It'' [1.16]===
:'''Clifford''': What a boring day! Nothing to do. Emily busy, no one else is around. Boring, boring, boring. I guess playing alone isn't so bad, after all.

:'''T-Bone''': I-I don't like this very much! It's so noisy!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Clifford the Big Red Dog''': I know. I don't like it either.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cleo''': Well I don't either. So I'm gonna DO something about it.

:'''T-Bone''': What are you gonna do, Cleo?

:'''Cleo''': I'm gonna make noise right back it. Like This! Arooooooooooooooo!

:'''T-Bone''': [shocked] Whoa!

:'''Clifford the Big Red Dog''': When something scares you, you can try to scare it right back. Go on, T-Bone, Try it.

:'''T-Bone''': [using a small howl] Arooo.

:'''Cleo''': Come on! Let it rip! Aroooooooooooooooooooooo!

:'''T-Bone''': [Howls back to Cleo] Aroooooooooooooooo!

:'''Cleo''':, T-Bone: Arooooooooooooooooo! Arooooooooooooooooo!

:'''Cleo''': Come on, Clifford. Join in!

:'''Clifford the Big Red Dog''': Okay.

:''[Howling loud]''

:'''Clifford the Big Red Dog''': AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

:'''Builder''': Whoa, Whoa!

:''[as the builders had been shaking with a the nails fall down]''

===''Tough Enough / Stars in Your Eyes'' [1.17]===
:'''Vaz''': Wow, the stars look even better from down here!

===''Mac's Secret Dog Club / The Dog Park'' [1.18]===
:'''Mac''': ''[while he, Cleo and T-Bone play tug-of-war]'' Go, Cleo! Go, T-Bone! Go... Cleo!
:'''Cleo''': Hey, whose side are you on, anyway?
:'''Mac''': On the winner's side, of course.

----
:''[The dogs and kids are at Emily's backyard.]''
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': ''[Sighs]'' I wish we could go to the park.
:'''Jetta Handover''': ''[Angrily]'' Me too. That Mr. Bleakman has ruined it for everyone.
:'''Mr. Bleakman''': ''[From behind them]'' Hey. What are you kids doing here?
:''[The dogs and kids turn around and see Mr. Bleakman standing in front of a trash can holding the &quot;No Dogs&quot; sign behind his back.]''
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': We're sorry, Mr. Bleakman. Are we making too much noise or something?
:'''Mr. Bleakman''': No. But kids and dogs should at the park&amp;ndash; ''[Uses his left leg to wheel out the trash can from behind him]'' &amp;ndash;on a beautiful day like today. ''[Drops the &quot;No dogs&quot; sign in the can]'' Don't you think so?
:'''Jetta Handover''': ''[Excitedly]'' You mean we can go back to the park now, Mr. Bleakman?
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': ''[Excitedly]'' With our dogs?
:'''Mr. Bleakman''': That's what parks are for. ''[Jabs his thumb at the path leading to the park]'' Now get going.
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': ''[Excitedly]'' Come on, Clifford, let's go!
:''[The dogs and kids run out of the backward and to the path leading to the park. Clifford returns and licks Mr. Bleakman's face.]''
:'''Mr. Bleakman''': ''[Happily]'' Yep. That's what parks are for.

===''Fluffed Up Cleo / Team Spirit'' [1.19]===

===''Clifford on Parade / Follow the Leader'' [1.20]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': I've been thinking, being in the parade alone doesn't really sound like all that much fun.
:'''Charley''': I know what you mean. The most fun part of being in the parade is doing it together.
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Yeah.

----
:'''Cleo''': I think the rules say I get to do 47 things as leader and I've only done eight so far.
:''[T-Bone whines]''
:'''Clifford''': I don't remember that rule.
:'''Cleo''': Well, that's the way the professionals play it.

===''Good-Bye T-Bone / The Truth About Dogs and Cats'' [1.21]===

===''The Big Sleepover / Dog for a Day'' [1.22]=== 
:'''Sheriff Lewis''': Clifford really missed you last night, Emily-Elizabeth. So we all came down to try to help him get to sleep. 

:'''Charley''': Sometimes, I wish I were a dog.

===''T-Bone Dog About Town / Clifford's Big Heart'' [1.23]===
:'''Clifford''': Wow, this [[w:Valentine's Day|Valentine's Day]] thing sounds great! I've got to find Emily&lt;br&gt;Elizabeth something big and &lt;span style=color:red&gt;red&lt;/span&gt;. The biggest, reddest thing on Birdwell Island!

===''Who Me, Jealous? / A Bunny in a Haystack'' [1.24]===
:'''Cleo''': How come I'm outside, and Susie gets to stay inside with Mrs. Diller? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt; 
:'''Mrs. Diller''': I hope Suzy grows up to be just like you someday, Cleo. ''[Cleo licks her; laughs]'' 'Cause I think you're a wonderful girl. And I love you. 
:'''Cleo''': ''[barks]''

===''Clothes Don't Make the Dog / Short-Changed'' [1.25]===

===''The Kibble Crook / Screaming for Ice Cream'' [1.26]===

===''New Dog in Town / Get Well'' [1.27]===
:''[While playing frisbee in the park, Clifford's enormous size accidentally frightens a squirrel as he gets the frisbee down from the tree]''
:'''Clifford''': ''[to the squirrel; cheerfully]'' Oh, hello. ''[the squirrel screams in terror and hides behind a branch]'' Maybe we can talk more later. ''[grabs the frisbee with his mouth]''
:'''Cleo''': Squirrels can be so rude.
:'''Clifford''': ''[sets the frisbee down on the ground]'' I think I just scared him.
:'''Cleo''': Why would he be scared of you?
:'''Clifford''': Well, I can be a little loud sometimes. 
:'''T-Bone''': And you're not exactly the smallest dog in the park, either. 
:'''Cleo''': So? Being big doesn't make you scary. 
:'''T-Bone''': I used to think it did. 
:'''Cleo''': You're kidding! 
:'''T-Bone''': I thought Clifford was ''really'' scary, before I got to know him. I remember the first time I saw him, he and Emily had just moved here, and they'd only been on Birdwell Island for a few weeks.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[T-Bone is laying at the end of the boardwalk after first seeing Clifford moving a tree from the blocked road while hiding in a dumpster, terrified of his enormous size]''
:'''T-Bone''': That dog was big. Huge! Humongous! ''[sees some fishing swimming in the water and laughs]''
:'''Clifford''': ''[seeing T-Bone at the end of the boardwalk while sniffing around]'' Hey, there's a dog! Maybe he'll be my friend. ''[starts running over to him]'' I hope he likes to play tag.
:'''T-Bone''': ''[feeling the boardwalk shaking and turns around]'' Huh? ''[sees Clifford cheerfully coming towards him and screams terrifyingly]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Clifford''': ''[calling out to T-Bone, running away from him after hopping out of the water]'' Hey! Wait!
:'''T-Bone''': I don't think so! ''[runs far away from him]''
:'''Clifford''': ''[upset]'' I guess that dog doesn't like me. ''[back to the present]'' It really hurt my feelings when T-Bone ran away from me like that.
:'''Cleo''': Way to go, T-Bone.
:'''T-Bone''': I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I just didn't want him near me.
:'''Cleo''': Why not?
:'''T-Bone''': He was so big!
:'''Cleo''': But you didn't even know him. You can't tell what someone is like by the way they look. 
:'''T-Bone''': I know. That's why I'm glad I finally did get to know Clifford.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''T-Bone''': You just can't tell what someone is like by the way they look. You have to get to know them. 
:'''Cleo''': Then maybe it's time we got to know that guy. ''[points to the squirrel]'' He's been listening to your whole story, T-Bone. 
:'''Clifford''': ''[walks over to the squirrel; kindly]'' Hello, squirrel. ''[the squirrel chitters nervously]'' My name's Clifford.

===''Babysitter Blues / Saturday Morning'' [1.28]===
:''[Clifford repeatedly digs, accidentally covering Mr. Bleakman in sand.]''
:'''Mr. Bleakman''': Will you please dig '''''SOMEWHERE ELSE?!'''''

===''Best Paw Forward / Then Came Bob'' [1.29]===
:'''Bob''': I found a lunch bag. ''[sniffs]'' I wonder what's in it!

===''Friends, Morning, Noon and Night / Mr. Bleakman's Special Day'' [1.30]=== 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Hi, Cleo! ''[pets Cleo]'' Hello, you sweet little girl.

===''Doggie Garden / Captain Birdwell's Treasure'' [1.31]===

===''Welcome To The Doghouse / Promises, Promises'' [1.32]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': What's everyone doing? 
:'''Mrs. Howard''': They're building Clifford a doghouse. 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': They are?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Mrs. Handover''': Jetta! Jenny just called.

===''Clifford's Hiccups / It's My Party'' [1.33]===
:'''Cleo''': ''[crying]'' It's gonna work real soon.
:'''Clifford''': Hic! Hic! Hic!
:'''Cleo''': I don't this this is gonna work.
:'''Emily''': Oh, no! It's Clifford!
:'''Clifford''': Hic! Hic!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Clifford! It's story time! ''Today story is Speckle and the Windy Day.'' ( ''dog woofs'' )

===''Clifford Cleans His Doghouse / Baby Makes 4'' [1.34]===
:'''Clifford''': Emily's mom gave that to me when I was a little puppy. 
:''[flashback of Clifford playing with Mrs. Howard's mob]'' 
:'''Mrs. Howard''': Clifford, are you playing with my mob? 
:'''Clifford''': ''[barks]''

===''Jetta's Tall Tale / The Big Fetch'' [1.35]===
:'''Jetta''': Lulu is as big as Clifford! 
:'''Kids''': Who? 
:'''Jetta''': Um, Lulu.

===''Potluck Party Pooper / The Best Gift'' [1.36]===

===''2's Company / Fair Weather Friend'' [1.37]===

===''Topsy Turvy Day / Clifford's Charm School'' [1.38]===
:'''Ms. Lee''': Excuse me, Violet, but when Clifford sits in that spot, he completely blocks the sun!

===''Forgive and Forget / Mimi's Back in Town'' [1.39]===

===''Blanket Blues / Dino Clifford'' [1.40]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': ''[answers the door with Vaz and his big sister's Teresa's shadows on it]'' Hi, Vaz. 
:'''Vaz''': Hi, Emily-Elizabeth. Do you remember my sister, Teresa?

==Season 2 (2002-2003)==

===''That's Snow Lie / A Friend in Need'' [2.1]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': A-Are you okay, Jetta? 
:'''Jetta''': Do I ''look'' okay?

===''Fan Mail / Hooray for Cleo'' [2.2]===
:'''Courtney''': Hi, Jetta. Nice to meet you. 
:'''Jetta''': C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Courtney Amber? ''[faints]''

===''Nothing to Fur But Fur Itself / Jetta's Project'' [2.3]===
:'''Sheriff Lewis''': Is this monster movie a little to scary for you, T-Bone?

===''Stinky Friends / He's Wonderful Mr. Bleakman'' [2.4]===
:'''Charley''': You guys smell like you've been rolling in stinkweed or something.

===''Magic in the Air / Everyone Loves Clifford'' [2.5]=== 
:'''Ms. Lee''': Oh! Oh, dear. Oh, no!

===''Clifford Grows Up / Jetta's Sweater'' [2.6]===
:''' Emily-Elizabeth''': In fact you got so big You couldn't even fit into house anymore.

===''Big Hearted T-Bone / Cleo's Valentine Surprise'' [2.7]===

===''Embarrassing Moments / Lucky Charm'' [2.8]===
:'''Jetta''': Your pants ripped, Vaz! ''[laughs]''

===''Princess Cleo / Basketball Stories'' [2.9]===

===''Doggie Detectives / Camping it Up'' [2.10]===
:'''K.C.''': The first thing Detective Mike usually does is a stakeout.
:'''T-Bone''': Stakeout? Mmm... I love steak.

===''Cleo Gets a Cone / A Job Well Read'' [2.11]===

===''When I Grow Up / Not Now, I'm Busy'' [2.12]===

===''Special T-Bone / Jetta's Sneak Peek'' [2.13]===
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': It doesn't matter what's in it! A journal is personal, and private! And you shouldn't have read mine!

===''Vaz Goes Down the Tubes / Cyber Puppy Problems'' [2.14]===
:'''Jetta''': No no mackie don't touch ?

===''Another Fine Mess / King Mac'' [2.15]=== 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Everyone smile and say, &quot;Clean your room&quot;! 
:'''Jetta, Vaz, &amp; Charley''': Huh?

===''Who Moved My Bone? / Clifford the Pirate King'' [2.16]===
:'''Charley''': Everyone's here now, dad. 
:'''Samuel''': Aye-aye, captain.

===''Clifford's Cookie Craving / Jetta's Friend'' [2.17]===
:''[Cleo and T-Bone try to help Clifford get his mind off of that big oatmeal/raisin cookie when he becomes addicted to it]''
:'''Cleo''': Clifford!
:'''Clifford''': ''[shaking his head, snapping out of it]'' Oops, sorry, guys.
:'''Cleo''': You just got to get your mind off that cookie.
:'''Clifford''': I'm trying, Cleo. But everywhere I look, all I can see… ''[imagines the balloons, the hot air balloon, and the Ferris Wheel as the cookie]'' Is that big, sweet, delicious cookie. ''[goes back to the fair and stands in front of the Ferris Wheel]''
:'''Cleo''': Clifford, come back!
:'''T-Bone''': Wait for us!
:'''Cleo''': Are you okay, Clifford?
:'''Clifford''': ''[panting]'' Uh-huh, I'm okay. ''[grins sheepishly]''
:'''Cleo''': Poor guy, he has a really bad case of cookie-itis.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Monique''': Jetta! 
:'''Jetta''': Monique! 
:'''Both''': It's so good to see you!

===''Fishing Lessons / No Baths For Cleo'' [2.18]===
:'''Charley''': Catch anything yet? 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Nope. 
:'''Charley''': Got any nibbles? 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Nope. 
:'''Charley''': Eaten any worms? 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': Nope. 

:'''Cleo''': The super-duper submarine. The S.S. Icky Dirty Muddy Dog.

===''Clifford's Big Heart / Cleo's Valentine Surprise'' [2.19]===
:'''Clifford''': Wow! This Valentine thing sound great. I've got to find Emily-Elizabeth on Birdwell Island. But, today, is the day you're supposed to show it with something big and red!
:'''Emily-Eizabeth''': Oh, Clifford! Look at you! You're a big, red Valentine!

( ''dog woofs'' )

:'''Cleo''': Big...
:'''T-Bone''': And red.
:'''Cleo''': Clifford really is the perfect Valentine.
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': I love you, Clifford, happy Valentine's day!

( ''dog woofs at 3 times'' ) 

The End

===''Flood of Imagination / Lights Out!'' [2.20]===
ː'''Mrs handover'''ː Oh that sounds wonderful.
ː'''Jetta'''ː Yeah i could put on a show cosmo. I'm sure he'd love to see me act would you cosmo. 
 [bubbles babble sailva]

===''A Big Help / The Trouble With Kittens'' [2.21]===
:'''Clifford''': They sure are cute, but Mr. Bleakman doesn't like anyone to play in his backyard. I'd better tell them to leave.

===''Led Astray / Wedding Bell Blues'' [2.22]=== 


=== '''''Doggie Detectives / Camping It Out''''' [2.23]===
:'''Dan''': Wow! Look at all those stars. 
:'''Charley''': It's hard to see them all when we're at home, but out here, it seems like you can see forever! 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': I wish Jetta would come join us. 
:'''Charley''': Uh, she's inside watching a video. 
:'''Vaz''': Maybe she'll come out later. 
:'''Mary''': I hope so. 

===''Food For Thought / Friends Forever'' [2.23]===

===''Tie-Dye Clifford / Stage Struck'' [2.25]===
:'''Cleo''': I'm sure it'll disappear as soon as we put on the fruity, stinky, smelly stuff. 

:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': That's great, Mary. 
:'''Clifford''': ''[barks]'' 
:'''Mary''': Oh, mmm, thanks. 

:'''Dan''': Oh, waiter! 
:'''Charley''': Yes? 
:'''Dan''': What's this fly doing in my soup? 
:'''Charley''': Looks like the back stroke! 
:''[audience laugh at their comedy]'' 
:'''Emily-Elizabeth''': That is such a bad joke. 
:'''Dan''': This soup tastes like glue. 
:'''Charley''': Then that must be tomato, RSP tastes like paint. 
:''[audience laugh again]'' 
:'''Dan''': I demand you take this soup back to the cook! 
:'''Charley''': Why? He won't eat it either! 
:''[audience laugh some more]''

===''Doghouse Rock / Guess Who's Coming to Birdwell'' [2.26]===
Clifford:

===''Little Big Pup / Getting To Know You'' [2.27]===
:''[Cleo and T-Bone meet a new blue small dog named Frankie and introduce him to Clifford as he shows up]''
:'''Cleo''': Clifford, meet Frankie. Frankie, meet Clifford.
:'''Frankie''': ''[amazed]'' Wow, you're big!
:'''Clifford''': Wow, you're small!
:'''Frankie''': You're ''really'' big.
:'''Clifford''': And you're ''really'' small.

== Film ==
* ''[[Clifford's Really Big Movie]]'' (2004)

== Voice cast ==
* [[w:John Ritter|John Ritter]] as Clifford the Big Red Dog
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Cleo and Mrs. Diller
* [[w:Kel Mitchell|Kel Mitchell]] as T-Bone
* [[Grey DeLisle]] as Emily Elizabeth Howard and Caroline Howard
* [[w:Gary LeRoi Gray|Gary LeRoi Gray]] as Charley
* [[w:Terrence C. Carson|Terrence C. Carson]] as Samuel
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Jetta Handover and Mrs. Handover
* [[w:Ulysses Cuadra|Ulysses Cuadra]] as Vaz
* [[w:Nick Jameson|Nick Jameson]] as Sheriff Lewis.
* [[w:Earl Boen|Earl Boen]] as Mr. Bleakman

== External links ==

* {{wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>199061</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951600</id>
      <parentid>3951496</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:09:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951600</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="3740" sha1="6qrvmy7wbh0fn45sbrf1wwh86w1mi1l" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King|Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''''' in 77 minutes release on Blu-Ray on October 17, [[w:2017 film|2017]] by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment is a [[w:2008 in film|2008 film]] about Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, who must travel to the underworld ruled by the Goblin King.
:''Directed and written by Joe Sichta.''
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* For once in our lives, Scoob, I hope we're too late for supper.

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
*Shaggy and Scooby are in big trouble. We've gotta find them before that whacked-out warlock does.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* And what about that adorable little fairy? We can't just let that icky Goblin King take her away. Right, Velma? [?] Oh, no, Velma's fried. All this must have overloaded her rational brain.

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Uh, let's not and say we didn't.
* ''[?]'' That's impossible. Rational mind-- shuttin' down.

== Dialogue==
:'''Fred''': Shaggy and Scooby are in big trouble. We've gotta find them before that whacked-out warlock does.
:'''Daphne''': And what about that adorable little fairy? We can't just let that icky Goblin King take her away. Right, Velma? ''[?]'' Oh, no, Velma's fried. All this must have overloaded her rational brain.
:'''Fred''': Then it's up to us, Daphne. We've gotta get over to that clock tower before midnight and set a trap for that magic maniac. Come on.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': For once in our lives, Scoob, I hope we're too late for supper.
:'''Witch''': It is very rude to linger in doorways.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goblin King''': You know, Krudsky, you really are my kind of guy.
:'''Krudsky''': Really? Y-You mean, you'll help me with my career?
:'''Goblin King''': Let's just say, where you're going, you'll have ''lots'' of time to practice your act.

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby-Doo and Fred
* Casey Kasem as Shaggy
* Mindy Cohn as Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] as Daphne
* Hayden Panettiere as Fairy Princess Willow
* Wayne Knight as Amazing Krudsky
* Wallace Shawn as Mr. Gibbles
* Jay Leno as Jack O'Lantern
* Tim Curry as Goblin King and Werewolf
* James Belushi&lt;br&gt;Larry Joe Campbell as Glob and Glum
* Lauren Bacall as Grand Witch
* Thom Adcox as Sparkplug
* Russi Taylor as Owl Witch and Tiddlywink

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}

[[Category:2008 animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:American monster movies]]
[[Category:Animated films about fairies]]
[[Category:American films about Halloween]]
[[Category:Films about magic (illusion)]]
[[Category:Animated films about magic (supernatural)]]
[[Category:Goblins in popular culture]]
[[Category:Goblin films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about parallel universes]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. Animation films]]
[[Category:Animated films based on animated series]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about witchcraft]]
[[Category:2000s children's animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Joe Sichta]]
[[Category:2008 English-language films]]
[[Category:Animated films about Halloween]]
[[Category:English-language science fiction horror films]]
[[Category:Halloween comedy films]]</text>
      <sha1>6qrvmy7wbh0fn45sbrf1wwh86w1mi1l</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mississippi Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>200082</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951743</id>
      <parentid>3951052</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:01:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <origin>3951743</origin>
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      <text bytes="1428" sha1="rllwod7geu953zp7npnk14r1d88mb87" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mississippi Hare|Mississippi Hare]]''''' is a 1949 [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] cartoon short in which cotton pickers mistake Bugs Bunny's tail for a ball of cotton and toss him into a cargo truck with the rest of the haul, bound for a riverboat on the Mississippi River. On the riverboat Bugs takes on the gambler Colonel Shuffle.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. Written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].''

== Colonel Shuffle ==
* Why did you dunk my poor old hide in [[w:Ol' Man River|Old Man River]], when I bought a loge seat?

== Dialogue ==
:'''[[w:Colonel Shuffle|Colonel Shuffle]]''': I'm Colonel Shuffle, the rip-roarin'est, gold-diggin'est, sharp-shootin'est, poker-playin'est riverboat gambler on the Mississippi! Yahoo! Be there anyone man enough to sit in a poker game with Colonel Shuffle? Well, be there? 
:'''[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]''': There be.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0041655|title=Mississippi Hare}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set in Mississippi]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Films set on boats]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>rllwod7geu953zp7npnk14r1d88mb87</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Category:Actors from Mexico</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
    <id>200160</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951737</id>
      <parentid>3176243</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:52:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34576-58</username>
        <id>3340215</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951737</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="87" sha1="l9p6sos10g47t6gjtykapvyx9tb3e14" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:Actors by country from Poland]]
[[Category:People from China by occupation]]</text>
      <sha1>l9p6sos10g47t6gjtykapvyx9tb3e14</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Holiday for Drumsticks</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>200997</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951719</id>
      <parentid>3716937</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:26:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951719</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1420" sha1="lepy1vwwy80oj094l9d23z646atdprn" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''Holiday for Drumsticks''''' is a 1949 [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] cartoon directed by [[w:Arthur Davis|Arthur Davis]].

==[[Daffy Duck]]==
* Don't you see what their little game is? They want you to get fattened up for Thanksgiving. So they give you all this food and you eat and eat until you're nice and fat. Then on Thanksgiving, you get the axe. They stick you in an old hot stove. The next thing you know, you are on a table. It's time to carve. He picks up the knife, he starts toward you, and then...

==Dialogue==
:'''Paw''': Land sakes! This turkey sure is a boney looking critter. Don't look very healthy to me.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Yeah, ain't he a mess? Too bad he ain't healthy like me. Here, look at this wing. Have you ever seen a wing like that on a duck before? Yes, sir. An all fat tendered duck. Now take this leg for instance. Ain't that a beauty? Yeah, but it's a shame you can't eat duck on Thanksgiving.
:''[Paw makes a wide grinning smile]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Or can ya?

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]], Tom Turkey, Maw and Paw.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Thanksgiving films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]</text>
      <sha1>lepy1vwwy80oj094l9d23z646atdprn</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Buccaneer Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>201142</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951746</id>
      <parentid>3932506</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:03:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951746</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="3917" sha1="rgzk3fq8djk5ta3ms6nm20twninalld" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Buccaneer Bunny|Buccaneer Bunny]]''''' is a 1947 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] cartoon in the ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' series, released in 1948, directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. It features [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]], the latter known in this picture as &quot;Sea-Goin' Sam&quot;, a [[w:Piracy|pirate]]. In the short, Pirate Yosemite Sam chases Bugs all over the ship to find out where the buried treasure is. All voice characterizations in this cartoon are by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]].

==Dialogue==
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Captain Bligh! ''[salutes]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Mr. Christian, look at you. Disgrace to the navy. This is mutiny, Mr. Christian. Mutiny, that is. Avast there, Mr. Christian. Batten down the hatches.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Aye-aye, sir!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Man the bowsprit! Stow the missen mast! Gibe the gib boom! Hoist the mainsail and lower the tattersail! Look sharp, man! Paint the starboard hatch to leeward, swats. Trim the scuppers on the port poop deck! ''[pants briefly in exhaustion, then laughs]'' What a maroon! ''[He laughs some more, until Yosemite Sam approaches him and takes out his sword again. gasps]'' Yipe!
:''[He runs off, leaving a cloud of dust and Sam, unable to see clearly while trying to pursue Bugs, runs right into the mast with a loud clang, then slides back down to the deck and lays flat on his back. Bugs tries to hide in a box chest, but there's a parrot on a stand next to the chest, having seen everything, and alerts Sam of the rabbit's hiding place.]''
:'''Polly Parrot''': ''[as Bugs hides in a chest]'' He's in there!, he's in there! ''[Bugs hides in a coil of rope]'' He's in here!, he's in here! ''[Bugs hides in a barrel]'' He's in there!, he's in there!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Eh, Polly want a cracker?
:'''Polly Parrot''': ''[jumping up and down excitedly while clapping his hands]'' Polly want a cracker!, Polly want a cracker!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[hands him a stick of dynamite]'' Here you are sweetheart!
:''[The dynamite explodes]''
:'''Polly Parrot''': Me and my big mouth. ''[collapses]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': He's in there! He's in there! He's in there! ''[squawks as Sam looks in the cannon, then blasts him out]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Say yer prayers, varmint! ''[Bugs throws a lighted match into the gunpowder room]'' NO!! ''[runs downstairs into the room, and marches back upstairs a few seconds later, having found and put out the fuse]'' Why, ya crazy doggone idjit! Whatcha tryin' to do, blow us to smithereens?! ''[Bugs throws another lighted match into the room]'' NO! ''[runs back down and marches up again]'' Blast your ornery hide! If ya does that just once more, I ain't a-goin' after it! ''[Bugs throws another lighted match into the gunpowder room; this time, instead of running downstairs, Sam taps his foot and plays with stress toys, while calmly Bugs brushes his fingers]'' OH!! ''[runs back downstairs, but the ship explodes, sending him and Bugs back to shore]''
:'''Bugs''': Eh, didn't make it?
:'''Sam''': Ooh, I'll blast your head off for this! ''[Bugs runs away from Yosemite Sam and he dives in a hole]'' Alright, now! I got ya cornered! Come out and meet your doom!
:''[another explosion occurs; Sam is blasted by a cannon once again and he waves a flag in surrender]''
:'''Bugs''': ''[laughs as he dons a pirate hat on]'' I have not even begun to fight! ''[laughs as the cartoon ends]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0040190}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1948 films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Pirate films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>rgzk3fq8djk5ta3ms6nm20twninalld</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Duck Amuck</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>202320</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951699</id>
      <parentid>3951088</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:12:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="3200" sha1="phd15fk8z0xyodfmirxybmelljptq8b" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Duck Amuck|Duck Amuck]]''''' is a 1953 American [[w:Surrealism|surreal]] [[w:Animation|animated cartoon]] directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Warner Bros. Cartoons]]. The short film was released in early 1953 by [[w:Vitaphone|The Vitaphone Corporation]], the short subject division of [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]], as part of the ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' series. It stars [[Daffy Duck]], who is tormented by a seemingly sadistic, initially unseen animator, who constantly changes Daffy's locations, clothing, voice, physical appearance and even shape, much to Daffy's aggravation and rage.  Pandemonium reigns throughout the cartoon as Daffy attempts to steer the action back to some kind of normality, only for the animator to either ignore him or, more frequently, to over-literally interpret his increasingly frantic demands. In the end, the tormenting animator is revealed to be [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]. This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]''.

== Daffy Duck ==
* ''[sarcastically]'' That's dandy, ho ho, that's rich I'll say. ''[Turns to the animator, angrily]'' Now how about some color, stupid? ''[The animator paints him instead of the scenery.]'' Hey! ''[growls]'' ''Not me, you slop artist!'' ''[pants angrily as the animator erases his whole body except his face]'' Well? Where's the rest of me? ''[The animator draws him as a bizarre mismatched animal with a flower head and a screwball flag on its tail, instead of his usual appearance as a duck.]'' It isn't as though I haven't lived up to my contract. Goodness knows. And, goodness knows, it isn't like I haven't kept myself trim, goodness knows. I-I've done that. ''[becomes suspicious of his unusual appearance]'' That's strange. All of a sudden, I don't quite feel like myself. Oh, I feel all right. ''[The animator writes a mirror in front of him.]'' And yet, I... I, uh... ''[He looks at himself at the mirror and shrieks after seeing how bizarre he looked.]'' ''Eeeeek!!!'' ''[to animator, angrily]'' You know better than that! 

== Bugs Bunny ==
:''[As he's venting, a doorway with an open door is drawn around Daffy, then the door is pushed closed by the eraser. The camera then pans from the scene into an animation studio. As it turns out, that the animator tormenting Daffy throughout the cartoon is revealed to be Bugs Bunny, the whole time!]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[chuckles]'' Ain't I a stinker?
:''[He ends the cartoon by winking his eyebrows.]''

== Voice Cast ==
*[[w: Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Bugs Bunny

== See also ==
*''[[Rabbit Rampage]]''
*[[New Looney Tunes|One Carroter in Search of an Artist]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0045708|title=Duck Amuck}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]</text>
      <sha1>phd15fk8z0xyodfmirxybmelljptq8b</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951700</id>
      <parentid>3951699</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:13:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <comment>/* Bugs Bunny */</comment>
      <origin>3951700</origin>
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      <text bytes="3114" sha1="a9parquktprxnypynsh8rrvyziz3ted" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Duck Amuck|Duck Amuck]]''''' is a 1953 American [[w:Surrealism|surreal]] [[w:Animation|animated cartoon]] directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Warner Bros. Cartoons]]. The short film was released in early 1953 by [[w:Vitaphone|The Vitaphone Corporation]], the short subject division of [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]], as part of the ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' series. It stars [[Daffy Duck]], who is tormented by a seemingly sadistic, initially unseen animator, who constantly changes Daffy's locations, clothing, voice, physical appearance and even shape, much to Daffy's aggravation and rage.  Pandemonium reigns throughout the cartoon as Daffy attempts to steer the action back to some kind of normality, only for the animator to either ignore him or, more frequently, to over-literally interpret his increasingly frantic demands. In the end, the tormenting animator is revealed to be [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]. This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]''.

== Daffy Duck ==
* ''[sarcastically]'' That's dandy, ho ho, that's rich I'll say. ''[Turns to the animator, angrily]'' Now how about some color, stupid? ''[The animator paints him instead of the scenery.]'' Hey! ''[growls]'' ''Not me, you slop artist!'' ''[pants angrily as the animator erases his whole body except his face]'' Well? Where's the rest of me? ''[The animator draws him as a bizarre mismatched animal with a flower head and a screwball flag on its tail, instead of his usual appearance as a duck.]'' It isn't as though I haven't lived up to my contract. Goodness knows. And, goodness knows, it isn't like I haven't kept myself trim, goodness knows. I-I've done that. ''[becomes suspicious of his unusual appearance]'' That's strange. All of a sudden, I don't quite feel like myself. Oh, I feel all right. ''[The animator writes a mirror in front of him.]'' And yet, I... I, uh... ''[He looks at himself at the mirror and shrieks after seeing how bizarre he looked.]'' ''Eeeeek!!!'' ''[to animator, angrily]'' You know better than that! 

== Bugs Bunny ==
*''[As he's venting, a doorway with an open door is drawn around Daffy, then the door is pushed closed by the eraser. The camera then pans from the scene into an animation studio. As it turns out, that the animator tormenting Daffy throughout the cartoon is revealed to be Bugs Bunny, the whole time!]'' Ain't I a stinker?

== Voice Cast ==
*[[w: Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Bugs Bunny

== See also ==
*''[[Rabbit Rampage]]''
*[[New Looney Tunes|One Carroter in Search of an Artist]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0045708|title=Duck Amuck}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]</text>
      <sha1>a9parquktprxnypynsh8rrvyziz3ted</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Corduroy (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>202565</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951888</id>
      <parentid>3944550</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:43:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="83347" sha1="po4ksq2owlk9cg7cctbvk0alisl5xda" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:DonFreeman.jpg|thumb|In 1968, [[w:Don Freeman|Don Freeman]] created the children's picture book, Corduroy.]]
'''''[[w:Corduroy (TV series)|Corduroy the Bear]]''''', also known as simply '''''Corduroy''''', is a Canadian animated children's TV series based on [[w:Don Freeman|Don Freeman]]'s 1968 children's book ''[[w:Corduroy (book)|Corduroy]]'' and its 1978 follow-up ''[[w:A Pocket for Corduroy|A Pocket for Corduroy]]''. It originally aired for one season on Canadian [[w:TVOKids|TVOKids]] and U.S. [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]]' ''[[w:PBS Kids Bookworm Bunch|Bookworm Bunch]]'' in 2000, before it got cancelled along with ''[[w:Elliot Moose (TV series)|Elliot Moose]]''. The show consists of 26 11-minute stories, which were broadcast in pairs as 13 22-minute episodes. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8.

==Episodes==

===Lost and Found / Going Up [1.1]===
:''[first lines of the series]''
:'''Lisa''': I'll read these books to you when we get home, okay, Corduroy?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Okay.
:'''Lisa''': I can carry it.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': You sure now?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-huh.
:''[Lisa's Mom gives Lisa the blue bag with library books as they leave the library]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After Lisa looses Corduroy on the subway train, Corduroy sits on the man's head]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' I must be lost. ''[the subway train is going far away from the station]'' Oh no, I must be going into a very deep tunnel. I'll be lost forever.
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, Corduroy looks for Lisa]''
:'''Corduroy''': Lisa? Lisa? I don't want to be lost forever. ''[spots a women wearing a red shirt]'' Yeah! We can leave the tunnel and go...
:''[The women turns to Corduroy and smiles happily at him]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[gasps; sadly]'' You're not Lisa.
:''[Corduroy has a sad expression as he walks away from the women. Then the scene cuts back to realty]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' If I'm lost, What should I do to get found? If Lisa was here, She know what to do.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[while Lisa heads to the lost and found station, she believes that Corduroy wouldn't be here]''
:'''Lisa''': What if Corduroy's not there? ''[In Lisa's imagination, a responsible girl holds Corduroy]'' What if Corduroy's been found by a responsible girl with a bigger, nicer, knapsack? 
:''[Corduroy sits on the responsible girl's knapsack. Then the scene cuts back to realty]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[pants]'' Five more minutes before they close!
:''[Lisa opens the door and sees children's lost toys]''
:'''Employer''': Hello. Can I help you?
:'''Lisa''': ''[talking fast]'' My toy bear Corduroy, I left him behind in the subway car. Corduroy's my responsibility. I should have been keeping an eye on him. ''[sadly]'' But I was too...
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[arrives the lost and found station]'' We're looking for a brown bear dressed in green corduroy overalls.
:'''Employer''': I'll have a look.
:''[The employer went to find Corduroy. Lisa's Mom holds Lisa's shoulder as Lisa sighs sadly]''
:'''Employer''': I'm sorry. I don't see a (brown) bear with (green) corduroy overalls. Maybe you'd like to come back tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Corduroy arrives to an elevator that is completely out of order]''
:'''Corduroy''': What does the sign say?
:'''Lisa''': ''[reading the out of order sign]'' &quot;Out of order. Please use stairs. We apologize for any in... incon...&quot;
:'''Pandro''': ''[helping Lisa with the spelling]'' &quot;Inconvenience.&quot;
:'''Lisa''': &quot;We apologize for any inconvenience.&quot;
:'''Pandro''': ''[chuckles]'' I am the one who should be sorry.
:'''Lisa''': Sorry for what?
:'''Pandro''': You're going to have to use the stairs, Lisa. We're doing a safely check on the elevator.
:'''Lisa''': That's okay. See you, Pandro. ''[races down the stairs]''

===Good Night Corduroy / Soap Flakes [1.2]===
:''[After finishing the book [[w:Tilly Witch|Tilly Witch]] the other book by [[w:Don Freeman|Don Freeman]]]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[tries to request a second story]'' No. Another story? Please?
:''[Lisa takes the book from Corduroy and is about to put it back on the bookshelf, even though Corduroy wants to read one more story before bedtime.]''
:'''Lisa''':  Corduroy, we have to go to bed now. Okay?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[still wanting one more story, and does not want to go to bed yet]'' I don't want to go to bed!
:''[Lisa picks up Corduroy and puts him into his bear sized bed which is on Lisa's desk. Corduroy insists --and claims-- that he is older and should be older to stay up. That is, as he --Corduroy-- says...!]''
:'''Corduroy''': I'm older enough to stay up late!
:''[And Lisa says...!]''
:'''Lisa''': Then you're older enough to turn off the light (if you are).
:''[After Lisa has told Corduroy that if he is bigger to stay up late then he should be bigger to turn out the light, Corduroy tries to think it. He makes his choice whether himself or Lisa should turn it off. When he does not choose in time --by taking too long to think-- Lisa decides for him]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[makes the choice for Corduroy which is &quot;Lisa&quot;]'' Then I can turn out the light. With a tiny, little, click.
:'''Corduroy''': Please don't turn off the light.
:'''Lisa''': Why?
:'''Corduroy''': Because...! Because...! Because I am going to read some more.
:'''Lisa''': We will read that book tomorrow night. I promise. 
:''[Lisa means &quot;no more bedtime stories until tomorrow&quot;. Then she does turn out the light]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa went to gets a glass of water for Corduroy after he shares the request to her of being thirsty. Lisa's Mom comes out of her bedroom and sees Lisa still up. Lisa is in the bathroom getting water. Lisa's Mom sees it and wonders why Lisa is still awake]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': You are still up?
:'''Lisa''': I am just getting a drink of water, Mom.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Okay. But back to bed. 
:''[Lisa's Mom knows that Lisa has school tomorrow and therefore it has turned out to be a school night.]'' 
:'''Lisa's Mom''': It is a school day tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': Hi.
:'''Lisa''': Corduroy? What are you doing out of bed?
:'''Corduroy''': I wanted to make sure that you have turned off the tap so there is no more drip.
:''[Corduroy, acting like Tilly the witch from the book [[w:Tilly Witch|Tilly Witch]] the bedtime story book he and Lisa were reading, says he wants to turn off the tap like Tilly. Then he goes over to the sink tap to turn it off like Tilly the witch]''
:'''Corduroy''': There. 
:''[Corduroy turns off the sink tap.]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': No more ''[mimicking the faucet dripping]'' drip, drip, dripping.
:''[Lisa picks up Corduroy and adds her own line like from the said book after Corduroy says, &quot;No more drip, drip, dripping&quot;. That is, as she --Lisa-- says...!]''
:'''Lisa''': And no more play, play, playing, Corduroy.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa sings to Corduroy a lullaby. The song she is singing is sung to the tune of &quot;[[w:Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star|Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star]]&quot;. And it is her own version of said song.]
:'''Lisa''': ''[singing]'' ♪ ''Listen Cordy, don't be scared.'' ♪''
:''♪ I'll make those nightmares disappear. ♪''
:''♪ We'll turn down the blankets. ♪''
:''♪ And we'll them down just right. ♪''
:''♪ Turn to each other and say ♪'' ''[yawns]''
:''♪ &quot;Good night&quot;. ♪''
:'''Corduroy''': Good night, Lisa. ''[falls fast asleep]''
:'''Lisa''': Good night, Corduroy.
:''[Lisa kisses Corduroy. Then she goes back to bed and turns off the light as the second episode's first half ends.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt; 
:''[In Corduroy and Buckaroo's imagination, they're both going on a snow ride in the [[w:North Pole|North Pole]]. The two &quot;preschool child aged&quot; toys pretend it by using the dust pan in the linen closet.]''
:'''Buckaroo''': ''♪ Snowflakes ♪'' 
:''♪ Riding through the snowflakes ♪''
:'''Corduroy''': Giddy up!
:''[Buckaroo keeps riding through the snow. Buckaroo is pretending to be one of the horses at the North Pole. He and Corduroy are in their imagination that they are in the North Pole. The scene then cuts back into reality. Back in reality, Lisa comes home and looks into the messy linen closet caused by Corduroy and Buckaroo who are still playing in it pretending to play in the snow with the linen things. Then she --offscreen-- catches them. The scene soon cuts to her from the door to the linen closet.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' Corduroy, Buckaroo! 
:''[Lisa finds them playing in the linen closet with the linen things.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': What a mess! What happened?
:''[Corduroy and Buckaroo stop playing. They then stare at Lisa and the mess with embarrassed smiles on their faces after what they were doing to the linen equipment to act out like they were at the North Pole.]'' 
:'''Corduroy and Buckaroo''': ''[trying to confess]'' Ummm…! Uh...! 
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Corduroy and Buckaroo about the mess they have made]'' (Well?) &quot;Ummm…!&quot;, what? Come on, you two. Help me clean this up, (both of you). 
:''[Lisa picks up a paper roll.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': Boy, (it looks like) someone is going to be in big trouble.
:''[When Lisa has said, &quot;Someone is going to be in big trouble&quot;, it turns out that both Corduroy and Buckaroo are in trouble. Because they both indeed made the mess in the linen room.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[looks in the closet and lists what has to be done as Corduroy and Buckaroo were playing with the linen things and caused the mess]'' Bath towels need refolding, the toilet paper needs rerolling. 
:''[As Corduroy and Buckaroo are helping Lisa clean up the linen room as they've made the mess in the linen room, Buckaroo puts the towel back on the shelf and picks up the dust pan and hangs it back up. They also refold the bath towels, then reroll the toilet paper]''
:'''Buckaroo''': Tell Lisa that we made the mess.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[is afraid to tell Lisa the truth]'' But she is going to get mad.
:'''Buckaroo''': Ooh...! But we HAVE to tell her.
:'''Lisa''': ''[putting the laundry soap into the laundry soap box]'' Come on, help me! Mom is going to be coming home any minute now.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[whispers through Buckaroo's ear]'' What if we make up a story?
:'''Buckaroo''': You mean lie? Oh, I don't know. That doesn't sound right.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Why did Kit not chase after Rosetta?
:'''Corduroy''': Uh-oh.
:''[Rosetta --about the lie-- realizes she was tricked and blamed.]'' 
:'''Rosetta''': And what is this?! (None of this was Kit and I!) That cat, he NEVER chases me!
:''[Corduroy was lying when he said that Kit and Rosetta made the mess in the linen room even though it was him and Buckaroo. He and Buckaroo were playing in it, then he fibbed about it. Therefore, Rosetta is telling the truth; really it was not her. Lisa --on the other hand-- believes Rosetta when Rosetta says it was not her and Kit who made the mess. But she becomes concerned about Corduroy's lie.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[confused]'' I don't get it. Corduroy told me. And...! 
:''[Lisa looks at Corduroy. She knows that he was lying even though it was him and Buckaroo who made that mess in the linen room.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': ''[turns to Corduroy]'' Corduroy...?!
:'''Corduroy''': ''[buries his face in his paws]'' I lied, Lisa! I did it. I messed up the closet!
:'''Buckaroo''': I was there too.
:'''Corduroy''': But it was my idea to lie, not Buckaroo's.
:''[It turns out that the only person who was telling the truth was Rosetta.]''
:'''Rosetta''': ''[to Lisa when she told her she was not in the linen room with Corduroy and Buckaroo]'' Well, I was not there (in the first place)! And I did not make any mess! 
:''[Rosetta turns to Corduroy and Buckaroo after Corduroy lied about her making the mess and after she was tricked and blamed.]'' 
:'''Rosetta''': ''[to Corduroy]'' Shame on you! 
:''[Rosetta wheels herself away. She was telling the truth. But she gets away with it because it wasn't her who made the mess. Corduroy buries his face in his paws again. Lisa walks to Corduroy who is feeling quite guilty.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[takes Corduroy's paws off his eyes then has a word with Corduroy when he didn't tell the truth in the first place]'' Why didn't you tell me the truth when I asked?
:''[Soon Lisa comforts Corduroy.]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': ''[sadly]'' I was scared you'd get mad at me.
:'''Lisa''': But you made me think it was all Kit's fault, and that wasn't right. Things get worse if you don't tell the truth.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[apologizing to Lisa about the lie he told]'' I'm sorry, Lisa. 
:'''Lisa''': You must be saying sorry to Kit, not me.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Kit watches the rain while Corduroy put the cat dish to the kitchen]''
:'''Corduroy''': Sorry I got you into trouble, Kit. ''[Kit has a happy expression]'' I'd be mad at me too.
:''[Corduroy walks away sadly as Kit follows him]''
:'''Corduroy''': I'm sorry, I'll never lie about anything again. Promise.
:''[Corduroy and Kit walk to the sofa]''
:'''Corduroy''': Tomorrow we'll go exploring. Or hide and seek is good. We could draw or maybe walk around the neighborhood. Or we could just sit and... ''[yawns]'' ...think.
:''[Corduroy falls fast asleep. Lisa watches Corduroy and Kit sleep on the sofa as the episode ends]''

===Ice Dream / Special Delivery [1.3]===
:''[In Lisa's room, Lisa and Corduroy are folding sheets while finishing their chores]''
:'''Lisa''': Just a few more, Corduroy. And all our chores will be finished. ''[puts a purple sheet among with other sheet who already been folded]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[jumps up and down on Lisa's bed]'' What's a chore? ''[Lisa picks up a white sheet]'' Whee!
:'''Lisa''': ''[explains to Corduroy what does a chore do]'' Work.
:'''Corduroy''': But is this work?
:'''Lisa''': Kind of. But it doesn't have to be. 
:''[Corduroy stops jumping on Lisa's bed as Lisa puts the white sheet down]''
:'''Lisa''': Get on.
:''[Corduroy sits down on the white sheet. Lisa grabs both sides of the sheet and use it as a trampoline so Corduroy can have more fun jumping]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[giggling; while bouncing on the white sheet as it pretends to be a trampoline]'' This must be a trampoline. I've always wanted to jump on a trampoline.
:''[Lisa and Corduroy begin to laugh for joy]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, Corduroy walks past a sign that leads to the North Pole]''
:'''Corduroy''': The North Pole must be very cold or else all this ice cream will melt. ''[sees the giant ice cream cones]'' Ice cream cones, ice cream sundaes, ice cream floats. Mmm. This must be a dream. I'm dreaming of ice cream.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[While Lisa does not have any ice cream, Lisa's Mom still thinks that there should be a proper snack for winter --but not ice cream since it is in fact a summer treat. That is as she --Lisa's Mom-- says...!]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Lisa, really. A mug of [[w:hot cocoa|hot cocoa]] (with marshmallows) should make more sense. 
:''[What Lisa's mom said, it is true. A mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows is indeed a proper treat for winter. Lisa should maybe try ice cream for real summer days. But since it is winter, she should choose some sort of a &quot;winter type treat&quot; like hot chocolate.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa's Mom finds Lisa's toys in the hallway making her think that Lisa had forgot to put her toys away when she was off to school.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[to Corduroy, Buckaroo, and Rosetta]'' Lisa knows better than to leave her toys in the hallway.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, Corduroy and Rosetta ride on Buckaroo while delivering the mail. Corduroy throws letters to the neighborhood and one letter lands on the sidewalk and Kit looks at the letter. Corduroy throws a letter to the ice cream lady and she catches it]''
:'''Buckaroo''': Everyone looks happy.
:''[Corduroy throws more letters]''
:'''Rosetta''': It means someone is thinking about you.
:''[Corduroy as a mailman throws one of the letters and a women picks it up and opens it. Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo as mail carriers arrive at Lisa's school and Lisa is doing math inside.]''
:'''Corduroy''': I can't wait to give Lisa her special delivery.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Hi, Mrs. Cho.
:'''Mrs. Cho''': ''[to Lisa's Mom]'' Good morning.
: ''[Mrs. Cho tells Lisa's Mom of how she found Lisa's toys --Corduroy, Rosetta and Buckaroo-- in the elevator.]'' 
:'''Mrs. Cho''': I think Lisa forgot her toys. They were in the elevator.
:''[Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo are sitting on Mrs. Cho's shopping trolley.]'' 
:'''Lisa's Mom''': But (as I recall), the last time I looked, they were right there (in the hallway after Lisa left for school)! 
:''[Lisa's Mom still looks at them, still wondering how Lisa's toys --Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo-- were &quot;left out&quot; while Lisa was at school. True to what she says, as she recalls, she saw the toys in the hallway.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[laughs]'' It is not as if they can walk out on their own! 
:''[Lisa's Mom knows that toys strictly speaking do not go out to places on their own from any child's bedroom --like Lisa's-- then picks up the toys.]'' 
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Thanks, Mrs. Cho (for finding Lisa's toys).
:'''Mrs. Cho''': You're welcome.
:''[Later, the scene cuts to where Lisa's Mom takes Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo back to Lisa's room. She is still thinks that Lisa forgot to put her toys away, then she puts them on the bed.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[to Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo]'' Now you stay put. All right, Corduroy? I don't want Lisa thinking her own mom can't take care of her toys. 
:''[She leaves the bedroom.]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' I hope Lisa likes her surprise.

===Clean Up / Music Lesson [1.4]===

:''[Rosetta has tagged along with Corduroy, Lisa, and Moppy. That is, since the beginning of the episode. It has even been seen onscreen too. Scene first cuts to the ducks. As for Rosetta, as the viewers see her, she is in the shirt section of Corduroy's overalls and --possibly-- tickling in Corduroy's overalls. She did this to Corduroy when he --Corduroy-- put her --Rosetta-- in his overalls. That is, as she was in Corduroy's overalls --which he uses as a &quot;pocket area&quot; for Rosetta while at the public.]''
:'''Lisa''': The poor ducklings, they are stranded out there. 
:''[Cut to Corduroy]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Why are they not swimming Lisa? 
:''[Lisa approaches to Corduroy.]''
:'''Corduroy''': They want to swim. But they can't because the water is so dirty. 
:'''Rosetta''': ''[thinking --and from Corduroy's overalls]'' It is not only because the water is dirty. It's also because people have been putting dirt into the water.
:''[Rosetta smiles with a white toothed smile and with lipstick on her lips.]'' 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Wouldn't it be great, Cordy, if we got the pond so clean, even we could swim in it?
:''[Rosetta pops out of Corduroy's overalls shirt section and reminds him to take her out of his overalls top section before swimming. And she says...!]''
:'''Rosetta''': ''[to Corduroy]'' Just remember to take me out of your pocket before you do any swimming. 
:''[Rosetta goes back into Corduroy's overalls]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': I will, Rosetta.
:'''Lisa''': And we'll have to make sure you're wearing your water wings, Cordy. ''[sighs]'' I could just see it. The pond will look the best ever.
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's imagination, the pond looks shiny clean and the animals like ducks, lizards, turtles, frogs, salamanders, and bugs --like dragonflies-- are enjoying their clean home. The camera zooms over to Lisa and Corduroy who were swimming in the pond]''
:'''Lisa and Corduroy''': ''[laughing]''
:''[A mallard and his ducklings swim past Lisa and Corduroy]''
:'''Corduroy''': I must be swimming. I've always wanted to swim. ''[to a duckling]'' Just like you! Quack, quack.
:''[A duckling swims around Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[laughs]'' Quack, quack, cheep, cheep.
:''[A duckling swims back to Corduroy]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[laughs]'' They have water wings just like us!
:''[They both begin to laugh as the duckling flaps his wings]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Corduroy looks the clean pond while Moppy goes fishing. He picks ups some pieces of trail mix and eats it. Lisa eats trail mix too and the ducklings arrived]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Looks like we made some new friends.
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Yeah.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' The pond is so clean. Can we go swimming now?
:'''Lisa''': I think we better stick to sharing our snacks with the ducks for now, Cordy.
:''[The camera zooms out of the clean pond as the episode ends]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Corduroy and Rosetta gets the radio out of Lisa's bed]''
:'''Rosetta''': Voila! I told you there was a radio under there.
:'''Corduroy''': Was it hiding, Rosetta?
:'''Rosetta''': Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Lisa must have forgotten it. But now we have found it, alors. ''[turns her back and then tries to turn on the radio]'' Oh. Oh! ''[shakes her head]'' Ahem. Corduroy? A winding, if you please.
:''[Corduroy picks up Rosetta and winds her up turning her wind up key. He puts Rosetta down --after winding up her key-- and Rosetta pushes a button on the radio and the orchestra music plays. Now Corduroy and Rosetta are dancing to the music. They are acting like dancers]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[while dancing to the music]'' This must be a concert. I've always wanted to go to a concert.
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, Corduroy imagines that he and Rosetta are the music conductors. And Corduroy gives the orchestra band some wonderful music. A lady plays a tuba, Seven men plays the bass, A women and her husband plays the flute and a brown man plays the trumpet. Corduroy keeps playing some wonderful music. Back in reality, Lisa comes home and turns off the radio causing Corduroy and Rosetta to stop dancing]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[finds out why Lisa turns off the music]'' Why has the music stopped?
:'''Rosetta''': Lisa, you turned off the radio.
:'''Lisa''': There's much better music to listen to.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[points to the radio that played the song which he and Rosetta were dancing to and says to Lisa that he and Rosetta like that music]'' But I like that music! 
:'''Lisa''': No, this music is much better, Corduroy. Trust me. ''[turns on her other radio but makes jazzy music]'' Ew! ''[changes the radio channel but makes country music this time]'' Ew, yuck! ''[one radio channel has piano music]'' Uh-uh. ''[founds a radio channel that has dance music]'' There, that's more like it. ''[shakes her head]''
:'''Corduroy''': But why do we have to like only one kind of music?
:'''Rosetta''': ''[about the same music Lisa likes]'' You mean: &quot;Why do we have to likes only the same music Lisa likes?&quot;.
:'''Lisa''': That's not true. ''[to Corduroy and Rosetta]'' Oh, go ahead. ''[gives Corduroy and Rosetta the radio]'' Listen to what you want.

===Ship Ahoy / Help Wanted [1.5]===
:'''Moppy''': ''♪ Row, row, row your boat, ♪''
:''♪ Gently down the stream. ♪''
:''♪ Merrily, merrily... ♪''
:''[Moppy stops pulling the toy boat]''
:'''Moppy''': Huh?
:''[Moppy sees a girl playing her electronic motor boat. The electronic motor boat drives fast through the water while a girl controls it with a remote control]''
:'''Moppy''': Hey, cool! ''[ties the end of the rope to a rock]'' Be right back, Corduroy.
:''[Corduroy watches Moppy runs to a girl and then sings &quot;[[w:Row, Row, Row Your Boat|Row, Row, Row Your Boat]]&quot;]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[while shaking Moppy's boat]'' ''♪ Row, row, row your boat, ♪''
:''♪ Gently down the stream. ♪''
:''♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, ♪''
:''♪ Life is but a dream. ♪''
:''♪ Row, row, row your boat, ♪''
:''♪ Gently down the stream. ♪''
:''♪ Merrily, merrily... ♪''
:''[Suddenly, the knot becomes lose and Corduroy floats away on Moppy's boat]''
:'''Corduroy''': I must be floating away.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Corduroy is still floating away on Moppy's boat and looks excited. He looks at the refection of himself until four grey fish appeared]''
:'''Corduroy''': Hi, fishies! I don't have any food for you. We haven't had our picnic yet!
:''[The four grey fishes dived into the water and Corduroy looks at the view of the park]''
:'''Corduroy''': The pond must be taking me somewhere. I wonder where I'm going. ''[the flying disc lands on the water and the golden retriever swims through the water, picks ups the flying disc and swam back to shore]'' Ohh! 
:''[The golden retriever shakes off all the water]''
:'''Lady''': Ahh!
:'''Corduroy''': Whew! That must have been a wave. A really big wave!
:''[The lady throws the flying disc and the golden retriever runs after it. The black haired man and his daughter are wearing life jackets on the boat]''
:'''Corduroy''': Maybe I should wear a life jacket too, just in case. There's one on the boat. ''[founds a floatie]'' Here it is! ''[takes the floatie and puts it on]'' That's better.
:''[Moppy's toy boat floats in the middle of the pond]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Corduroy are washing their hands in the kitchen]''
:'''Lisa''': We have to clean our hands and paws before we start!
:''[Lisa accidentally squirts water on Corduroy]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[laughs]'' Hey!
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggles]'' Oops!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After Corduroy's imagination of spreading peanut butter and grape jelly to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich --his favorite thing to have for lunch. Then the scene cuts back to him in the kitchen making them.]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[continues his song &quot;[[w:Peanut Butter|Peanut Butter]]&quot;]'' ''♪ Peanut, peanut butter-[spoken] AND JELLY! ♪''
:''♪ Peanut, peanut butter-[spoken] AND JELLY! ♪''
:''♪ [spoken] Then you take your sandwich and you eat it, you eat it! ♪''
:''♪ [spoken] Then you take your sandwich and you eat it, you eat it! ♪''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Okay! This is going to be great! 
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' What's that?
:'''Lisa''': It's Lisa's Lip-Smacking Lemonade. ''[smacks her lips]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[while Lisa adds sugar to the lemonade]'' Maybe you should measure the sugar before you put it in.
:'''Lisa''': Ohh! What's one or two spoons, huh?
:'''Corduroy''': That's looks like a lot of sugar!
:'''Lisa''': Now, here we've got some leftover macaroni, ''[dumps the uncook macaroni into the bowl]'' so I'm going to make a pasta salad. But first, I have to make the dressing.
:''[Lisa takes the soy sauce, the vinegar and the other dressing out of the shelf]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, vineger ''[pows the drop of vineger into the bowl]'' Soy sauce, ''[pows the drop of soy sauce into the bowl]'' Oh, Mom's favorite, hot peppers! ''[put the hot peppers into the bowl and then the coconut and the chocolate chips]'' Uh, coconut, chocolate chips. Hmm, prune juice. ''[on-screen]'' Never tried that before, but I bet it's really good. ''[pows the drop of prune juice into the bowl]''

===Flight of Fancy / 1 + 1 = 2 [1.6]===
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, a bird fly through the sky]''
:'''Corduroy''': Hi there, Mr. Birdie. ''[The bird flies away and Corduroy rides on the kite]'' Whee! Here I go!
:''[Corduroy flies his kite as a helicopter flies past]''
:'''Corduroy''': Hi! Look at me, I'm flying!
:''[Corduroy flies past buildings. Three men tries to put the roof on top]''
:'''Corduroy''': One, two, three, pull! ''[The roof is now on top]'' Yeah! There you go! Into the clouds I go! Wait till I tell Lisa!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Moppy's kite crash together]''
:'''Lisa and Moppy''': ''[gasp]''
:''[The broken kites fall into the tree]''
:'''Moppy''': Look what you did!
:'''Lisa''': Me? Your kite bumped into mine!
:'''Moppy''': It did not!
:'''Lisa''': Did too!
:'''Moppy''': Did not!
:'''Lisa''': Did too!
:'''Moppy''': Did not!
:'''Corduroy''': Uh oh, Looks like big trouble.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': What is a dinosaur?
:'''Lisa''': Dinosaurs, they lived millions of years ago. And they were very big. 
:'''Corduroy''': Even bigger than Buckaroo?
:''[Buckaroo lets out a neigh in response.]''
:'''Lisa''': They were a lot bigger than Buckaroo.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's imagination --which is to the prehistoric world-- they both meet [[w:Stegosaurus|Stegosaurus]] again and this time he's perfect. As for the &quot;age of dinosaurs&quot; subject, the &quot;age of dinosaurs&quot; is really Lisa and Corduroy's imagination from the dinosaur book. So Lisa and Corduroy are really in her dinosaur book --from the library-- meaning that they are just pretending like they are so. The Stegosaurus is actually Lisa and Corduroy's model dinosaur in disguise and not a real dinosaur. The [[w:Mesozoic era|period of time]] they are in right now is the [[w:Jurassic|Jurassic]] and [[w:Cretaceous|Cretaceous]] periods. That is, since the [[w:Tyrannosaurus Rex|Tyrannosaurus Rex]] is also encountered too.]''
:'''Corduroy''': Are you still wobbly?
:'''Stegosaurus''': Nope! See? ''[shows his perfect parts]''
:'''Lisa''': Are you still cold?
:'''Stegosaurus''': Not anymore. Feel my skin! So soft and warm! ''[Lisa and Corduroy feels Stegosaurus' skin and Stegosaurus begin to laugh]'' That tickles! ''[off-screen]'' Would you like to hear me roar? 
:'''Corduroy''': Sure! Go ahead!
:''[Stegosaurus roars loudly as a flock of [[w:pterosaur|pterosaurs]] fly away. The pterosaurs were a [[w:Pterodactylus|Pterodactylus]]. Indeed, the pterosaur Pterodactylus lived in the Jurassic period. But while it was a flying reptile and not a dinosaur, it did live in the same [[w:Mesozoic Era|period of time]] as the [[w:Brachiosaurus|Brachiosaurus]], [[w:Diplodocus|Diplodocus]], and Stegosaurus. Pterosaurs lived at the same time as the dinosaurs. The Brachiosaurus was seen in Lisa's dinosaur book. The Diplodocus was encountered by Lisa and Corduroy earlier.]''
:'''Stegosaurus''': ''[laughs]'' I can roar even louder If you like.
:''[Lisa and Corduroy look at each other]''
:'''Lisa''': That's okay. 
:'''Stegosaurus''': Maybe you like to go for a ride. 
:'''Corduroy''': A ride?
:'''Lisa''': Sure!
:'''Stegosaurus''': Just watch out for my back and tail. They're pointy.
:''[Lisa and Corduroy hop on Stegosaurus' back and Stegosaurus walks away with Lisa and Corduroy]''

===Cute as a Button / Sleep Tight [1.7]===
:'''Lisa''': Mom, can I get some new sneakers, please?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Whatever for? Yours are still in good shape.
:'''Lisa''': But they don't even compare to Moppy's. He got all this neat stuff on his sneakers. Mine are just so boring!
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[thinking Lisa is trying to follow the crowd after she saw Moppy's new sneakers]'' You shouldn't place so much weight on appearances. ''[thinks Lisa is better off not following the crowd]'' Your sneakers are perfectly fine.
:'''Lisa''': You mean perfectly plain!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[while Corduroy looks for his button, he enters the living room and he'll look for his button in here]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[looks under the couch]'' Ugh! Not under the sofa!
:''[Corduroy squeezes out of the couch and he is covered in grey dust. He wipes out all the dust using his paw]''
:'''Corduroy''': Button, come out, come out, wherever you are! ''[sneezes]''
:''[Corduroy wipes his nose using his paw. He finds a white checker piece and --at first-- mistakes it for an overalls button.]''
:'''Corduroy''': There you are! ''[the camera pans in to the white checker piece]'' You're not my button. You're from Lisa's checker game.
:''[Corduroy walks to a red sofa to believe that he found his button.]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[grunts; gasping]'' Why, here's my button! Here's lot of my buttons!
:''[Corduroy gets on the sofa and goes over to one of the button and tries to pull it off when he --like the checker piece-- mistakes the button on the sofa for an overalls button. But it's tied town tight like all the others]''
:'''Corduroy''': They're all tied down tight! Whoa! Oof!
:''[Corduroy crashes into a lamp and it falls down off-screen]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After Lisa sews the overalls button on Corduroy's overalls.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Corduroy]'' I like you the way you are. But you are going to be more comfortable with your shoulder strap fastened. 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Corduroy's imagination, he went to a dark, cool cave until he meet a friendly bear.]''
:'''Corduroy''': Uh, hello?
:'''Bear''': ''[gasping]'' You're a bear!
:'''Corduroy''': Uh-huh! ''[gulps]'' You're not going to eat me, are you?
:'''Bear''': No, of course not. I thought you might like to sit and have some tea and muffins with me. ''[sighs sadly]'' Oh, it's because I look scary, isn't it?
:'''Corduroy''': Are you?
:'''Bear''': No! I'm perfectly nice! ''[off-screen]'' I've been practicing laughing and smiling, ''[on-screen]'' so if anyone came and visited me in my dark, cool cave, they wouldn't be afraid! But hardly anybody anybody ever comes to visit me. ''[growling]'' See why?
:'''Corduroy''': Uh-huh.
:'''Bear''': You don't think I look scary?
:'''Corduroy''': Well, at first I did. Talking to you, I know you're not scary. Not scary at all!
:'''Bear''': ''[looking at a refection of himself]'' What's inside is what counts, right?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[to Bear]'' That's right!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Corduroy, you silly bear!
:'''Corduroy''': ''[pretends to be a real bear]'' Roar!
:'''Lisa''': ''[sees that Corduroy was imitating a real bear roaring]'' We can play later, Cordy, but first I have to get this tent set up. Moppy's going to be here any minute.
:'''Corduroy''': Moppy's coming here?
:'''Lisa''': ''[while finishing setting up the tent]'' He's staying for a sleepover.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[peeks into the tent]'' A sleepover? ''[walks to Lisa]'' I want to have a sleepover, too!
:'''Lisa''': Okay, you can have the bedroom.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[jumps for joy]'' Yay, I'm going to have a sleepover! ''[giggling]'' Lisa?
:'''Lisa''': Yes?
:'''Corduroy''': What's a sleepover?
:'''Lisa''': ''[explains to Corduroy about a sleepover]'' It's kinda of like a party, where your friends come over and stay all night. You get to play games and stay up late.
:'''Corduroy''': That sounds like fun! I know who I'm going to have at my sleepover! ''[leaves Lisa's tent while giggling]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Moppy's Dad''': Well, so far so good.
:'''Moppy's Mom''': ''[to Lisa's Mom about Moppy's first night at Lisa's place for a sleepover]'' This is his his first night away from home. We've worried he might get a little...
:'''Moppy''': ''[off-screen; believing that he could stay at Lisa's place for a week]'' Wow! I could stay here for a whole week!
:'''Moppy's Mom''': ''[giggling]'' Homesick.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa went to her bedroom until she realizes Corduroy is having his own sleepover]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[thinks Corduroy, Buckaroo, and Rosetta are in her room --though they had gone out to Lisa's tent]'' On second thought, maybe Cordy did want to have his own sleepover. Then maybe I shouldn't bother him. ''[yawns]''
:''[Lisa turns her back to the bedroom door and went to the living room until she finds Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo in her tent]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen; to Corduroy, Buckaroo, and Rosetta]'' What are you (three) doing here?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[about why he, Buckaroo, and Rosetta could not sleep even though he wanted to have his own sleepover]'' We missed you!
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[also about why he couldn't sleep]'' We couldn't get to sleep!
:'''Rosetta''': ''[adds her reason about not being able to get to sleep]'' Je ne comprends pas! I do not understand! 
:''[Rosetta notes that she tried singing Corduroy a lullaby to help him go to sleep but that didn't work.]'' 
:'''Rosetta''': Even my singing (on a lullaby) did not help!
:'''Lisa''': ''[tells them that they may not be ready to have their sleepovers yet]'' Maybe you're not ready to sleep on your own yet.
:'''Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo''': Mmm-hmm.
:''[Corduroy, Buckaroo, and Rosetta nod as they are now part of Lisa's sleepover. Later, the scene cuts to the living room --shown where Lisa and her toys Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo are in the tent. Lisa and her toys play with Lisa's make believe planetarium pretend to look at the stars and [[w:constellation|constellations]]. Lisa shows her toys the star constellations with her make-believe planetarium. This is shown on the black sheet that she had showed Moppy. They are having a short time playing or &quot;short use&quot; with the planetarium to see the stars before bedtime.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing Rosetta a constellation]'' Do you see that group of stars, Rosetta? ''[off-screen]'' That's [[w:Cassiopeia (constellation)|Cassiopeia]]. But I think she looks more like a mouse.
:''[Cassiopeia's nose twinkles. Rosetta --when she sees the mouse constellation-- reacts to it.]''
:'''Rosetta''': Did you hear that? I look just like a queen!
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing Buckaroo a constellation]'' Do you see that group of stars over there, Buckaroo? That's [[w:Pegasus (constellation)|Pegasus the Horse]].
:''[Pegasus's right eye twinkles. Pegasus the horse does look like Buckaroo the rocking horse. Buckaroo --when he sees the Pegasus the Horse constellation-- mimics a real horse neighing.]''
:'''Buckaroo''': I like that one!
:'''Corduroy''': Is there a bear anywhere?
:'''Lisa''': ''[shows Corduroy two constellations]'' Actually, there are two bears. ''[off-screen]'' There's [[w:Ursa Minor|Ursa Minor]] --he's the little bear. And that one over there, that's [[w:Ursa Major|Ursa Major]] --he's the big bear.
:''[Lisa shows out the final two constellations before everyone goes to bed.]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[to Lisa about the bear constellations --Ursa Minor and Ursa Major]'' Someday, I'm going to be a big bear. Right, Lisa?
:''[After the last constellation, Lisa puts the flashlight down, turns off the flashlight and takes down the black sheet planetarium so everyone stops playing and are led to go to bed. Corduroy is now in bed has told himself he is going to be a big bear like Ursa Minor and Ursa Major]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[tucks Corduroy into bed]'' You're already a big bear, Cordy.
:'''Corduroy''': Good night, Lisa.
:'''Lisa''': Sleep tight, Cordy.
:''[Lisa, Corduroy, Rosetta, and Buckaroo are fallen fast asleep. Then the curtains closed the tent as the episode ends]''

===Toothache / Mop Top [1.8]===
:'''Moppy''': You want to hear a joke?
:'''Lisa''': Sure.
:'''Moppy''': Knock, knock.
:'''Lisa''': Who's there?
:'''Moppy''': Amos.
:'''Lisa''': Amos who?
:'''Moppy''': A mosquito just bit me! ''[laughs]''
:''[Lisa starts to laughs until she feels tooth because she now has a bad toothache]''
:'''Moppy''': Usually everyone laughs when I tell them that one.
:'''Lisa''': The joke's funny, but this toothache isn't.
:'''Moppy''': Toothache?!
:'''Lisa''': I'll tell my mom as soon as I get home (to the building).
:'''Moppy''': You're gonna tell your mom?!
:'''Lisa''': Sure, why not? (What can go bad?)
:'''Moppy''': Because she'll make you go to the dentist.
:'''Lisa''': So? I've been to the dentist lots of times. It's no big deal.
:'''Moppy''': It is a big deal if you've got a toothache.
:'''Lisa''': What do you mean?
:'''Moppy''': ''[tells Lisa a story about when Moppy himself got a little toothache last year and about his older/younger brother who also went to the dentist]'' Last year I had a little toothache and I ended up getting three fillings! See? ''[shows Lisa his teeth fillings]'' And he froze my mouth with a needle this long! 
:''[Lisa gulps in horror.]''
:'''Moppy''': ''[he continues his story]'' Then my brother went to the dentist because he had a toothache too! &lt;big&gt;'''AND THE DENTIST PULLED HIS (MY BROTHER'S) TOOTH RIGHT OUT!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lisa is shocked about Moppy's story. Because he --Moppy-- and his brother both had an experience at the dentist when they both had toothaches.]''
:'''Lisa''': I thought the dentist would just make it feel better (on you and your brother).
:'''Moppy's Dad''': Make what feel better?
:'''Lisa''': Well...! Oh, nothing.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa's room, Corduroy is riding on Buckaroo]''
:'''Corduroy''': Giddy up! ''[laughs]''
:''[Lisa enters her room and finds Corduroy who is rocking Buckaroo too fast]''
:'''Lisa''': Corduroy? What are you doing?
:'''Corduroy''': I'm riding on Buckaroo! ''[stops rocking Buckaroo]''
:'''Lisa''': How many times have I told you not to rock so fast?
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[sighs; tells Lisa about her warning about Corduroy not rocking him too fast]'' I've tried telling him. (And he won't just listen.)
:'''Lisa''': You're going to have to be more careful or else you're going to --ow-- hurt yourself.
:'''Corduroy''': What's wrong?
:'''Lisa''': I have a toothache.
:'''Corduroy''': Can't you get it fixed?
:'''Lisa''': I think I'll wait for it to get better on its own. ''[finds some library books]'' Oh, I left some books in the living room. Be right back, Cordy. Mom's taking us to the library. ''[leaves her bedroom and close the door]''
:'''Corduroy''': Okay, giddy up, Buckaroo!
:'''Buckaroo''': But Lisa said... Oh, all right.
:'''Corduroy''': Faster! You can do it! ''[falls off Buckaroo]'' Whoa! Ow!
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[gasps; to Corduroy]'' Are you all right?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[gets up and sees that he has scraped his elbow]'' I think I scratched my elbow. ''[to Buckaroo]'' You aren't gonna tell Lisa are you?
:'''Buckaroo''': Hmm...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' Lisa?
:'''Lisa''': Cordy, what happened?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[about how he fell off Buckaroo and scraped his elbow yesterday]'' I hurt it yesterday when I fell off Buckaroo. I was riding him to fast.
:''[Lisa --unaware of the fact that her toothache is still there-- becomes concerned about Corduroy's injury when he --Corduroy-- rocked on Buckaroo the rocking horse too fast and fell off of him.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': You should have told me right away. 
:''[Lisa picks up Corduroy.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': Come on, I'll fix it up for you.
:''[In the bathroom, Lisa --despite still feeling her toothache-- puts the bandage on Corduroy's scraped and cut elbow.]''
:'''Lisa''': There. How does it feel?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[feels the bandage on his cut after he fell off Buckaroo]'' Much better. 
:''[Corduroy, he hugs Lisa.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[feels the toothache]'' Ow!
:'''Corduroy''': Sorry, I must have squeezed too hard.
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Corduroy while feeling her tooth]'' It's not your fault. It's my tooth.
:'''Corduroy''': Didn't get better on its own?
:'''Lisa''': ''[about her toothache]'' I was hoping it would but it's getting worse! It hurts when I eat something hot, it hurts when I eat something cold, it hurts when I laugh, and it hurts when I sleep! 
:''[Lisa walks around as she talks about her toothache. Then she goes over to Corduroy. That is, despite his injury being healed after falling off Buckaroo.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[turns to Corduroy about it]'' But now it even hurts when you hug me!
:'''Corduroy''': What are you going to do?
:'''Lisa''': ''[sadly --and to answer Corduroy's question]'' Something that I should have done a long time ago!
:''[Later, the scene cuts to where Lisa and Corduroy are in the living room with Lisa's mom. Lisa is going tell her mom the truth about her toothache.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[to Lisa when she had not admitted the truth yet about her toothache and not yet had told her about it in the first place]'' Why didn't you tell me sooner?
:'''Lisa''': I would have but I was afraid of the giant needle.
:'''Lisa Mom''': The giant needle?
:'''Lisa''': It's this long!
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Mm, and where did you hear about this?
:'''Lisa''': Moppy.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I'm pretty sure Moppy's exaggerating.
:'''Lisa''': Why would he do that?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I know he didn't mean any harm. Sometimes when you worried about something your mind exaggerates things like the size of a needle.
:'''Lisa''': You mean it's not this big?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': More like this small. The needle is just meant to keep you from being uncomfortable. You can hardly feel it.
:'''Lisa''': And I'm not going to get my teeth pulled out either?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Your teeth pulled out? Goodness, no. Whoever told you? 
:''[Lisa's mom thinks that Lisa have heard that from Moppy.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Let me guess.
:''[Lisa and her mom started to laugh.]''
:'''Lisa and Lisa's Mom''': Moppy. 
:''[They continue to laugh. But Lisa's tooth hurts when she laughs. And she --Lisa-- says...!]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[in pain]'' Ow!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dentist''': ''[before starting the said dentist checkup]'' But first ''[takes Corduroy out of Lisa's knapsack and hands him to Lisa]'', having your bear (Corduroy) nearby may make you feel more comfortable. 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Dentist''': There's no need to be nervous. I'm just going to take a picture of your teeth.
:'''Lisa''': I like getting my picture taken.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Me too.
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's first imagination, they're in a photo booth getting their picture taken]''
:'''Lisa''': Not like that, Cordy. ''[giggles]'' Like this! ''[makes a funny face]'' Aaahhh.
:''[The camera from the booth takes a picture of Lisa and Corduroy making funny faces]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's second imagination, the waiter give Lisa plate of spaghetti and red sauce]''
:'''Lisa''': It looks delicious.
:'''Waiter''': And for you, sir. Enjoy. ''[he leaves]''
:'''Corduroy''': Mm! ''[slurps]''
:''[Corduroy takes out a fork and eats a bit spaghetti and swallows it. He and Lisa laugh]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

===Art Smart / A Hot Day in the City [1.9]===
:''[At the art gallery --Lisa's mom's art gallery-- with Lisa, Corduroy, and Rosetta, Corduroy is playing with the art as he jumps up and down when he's trying to climb on the statue until Lisa picks him up. At this, Corduroy thinks that he and Rosetta can do anything they want in the art gallery just because no one else is in it nor using it. So when Corduroy asks Lisa to &quot;help him climb the statue&quot;, Lisa picks him up thinking she might do so. Corduroy, he says...!]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': ''[laughing]'' Help me up, please!
:''[As Corduroy says this, he is trying to get Lisa to help him climb on the statue as he jokingly wants to climb it. But Lisa, she says...!]
:'''Lisa''': ''[knows the truth about the &quot;HANDS OFF&quot; signs --meaning &quot;look but don't touch&quot;]'' Sorry, Cordy. No can do. 
:''[Lisa calls to Rosetta who is also playing on the art. Rosetta is swinging on the red ropes.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': ''[turns to Rosetta]'' Come on down (from the red ropes), Rosetta.
:'''Rosetta''': ''[believing the art gallery is closed for today]'' But the art gallery is closed today. No? 
:''[Rosetta also thinks that she and Corduroy can do anything they want in the art gallery.]'' 
:'''Rosetta''': That means we have the whole place to ourselves!
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Rosetta]'' (Not quite, Rosetta.) It's great that Mom is letting us wander around while she's working. 
:''[Lisa continues to Corduroy and Rosetta about the art gallery and its rules. She says it is for everyone and talks to them about the ropes in the gallery.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Rosetta about the ropes]'' But those ropes aren't for playing. ''[then to Corduroy about the art sculptures]'' And neither is this art.
:'''Corduroy''': I'm not supposed to play here?
:'''Lisa''': Uh-uh. These red ropes are for keeping people from getting too close to the art. It means look but don't touch.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa sees Corduroy is covered with clay while building his own sculpture.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[playfully laughs]'' Careful, Corduroy! 
:''[Lisa cleans the wet clay off Corduroy's head with a wet rag.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': ''[in between laughs]'' If you don't you might become Clay-duroy! 
:''[Lisa resumes laughing. Lisa, she --funnily warns Corduroy-- and gives him a nickname to be a parody of his name. She --after she says this &quot;If you don't, you may become 'Clay-duroy'!&quot;-- replaces the first syllable --or &quot;prefix&quot;-- &quot;Cor&quot; in his name --which is &quot;Corduroy&quot;-- with &quot;Clay&quot;. And --with the new syllable &quot;Clay&quot;-- she repronounces it as &quot;Clay-duroy&quot; for a new name on him. That is, if he is not careful and is seen covered with clay. So he --Corduroy-- is going to be &quot;Clayduroy&quot; forever. That is, if he is covered in clay and the clay doesn't wash off. Then she notes about the sculpture that Corduroy made.]'' 
:'''Lisa''': Your sculpture's really taking shape.
:'''Rosetta''': What about my painting, Lisa?
:'''Lisa''': It's really good.
:'''Corduroy''': It's nice.
:'''Rosetta''': ''[about her painting and Corduroy's sculpture; and thinks that Lisa likes Corduroy's sculpture better than her painting]'' Good? Nice? Mais non, it's more than good or nice. It's...! It's a...!
:''[To be a parody of the word &quot;masterpiece&quot;, Rosetta replaces the first syllable --prefix-- &quot;mas&quot; in the word &quot;masterpiece&quot; with &quot;mouse&quot;. Then she repronounces it as &quot;mouse-terpiece&quot;. Again, see nickname in next quote.]''
:'''Rosetta''': A Mouse-terpiece!
:''[The red paint from the paintbrush lands on Rosetta's face.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rosetta''': That is not fair! Lisa can't love both my painting and Corduroy's sculpture at the same time. If only I was in a place where people could truly appreciate my art.
:''[In Rosetta's imagination, the people who are in the art gallery are looking at Rosetta's paintings]''
:'''Man''': ''[off-screen]'' Oh, Rosetta's colours!
:'''Women''': ''[off-screen]'' Her shapes!
:'''Man and Women''': ''[on-screen]'' Very, very nice!
:'''Man #2''': ''[off-screen]'' Rosetta's a very good artiste.
:'''Women #2''': ''[off-screen]'' Yes. But have you seen the bear's sculpture?
:''[Rosetta is shocked]''
:'''Rosetta''': No! Corduroy's work is better than mine?! (Oh-no!)
:''[Rosetta watches the people leave as they to see Corduroy's sculpture. She drives all the way to the top of the art work sees Corduroy's sculpture]''
:'''Rosetta''': Ah!
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Notice the fine lines, the perfect shape. A magnificent piece of work. Outstanding.
:''[The people cheered and clapped for Corduroy as he yawns]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Indeed, this sculpture by the artist Corduroy is this art gallery's greatest, most important masterpiece.
:''[Rosetta looks very shocked of Corduroy's sculpture]''
:'''Lisa''': Don't you just love it?
:''[Rosetta has an unhappy expression]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After the incident, Rosetta gets back on the art table and looks at her ruined painting after she --with her jealousy-- ruined her painting and broke Corduroy's sculpture.]''
:'''Rosetta''': ''[finds her painting ruined by herself]'' Look! I ruined my painting! 

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Corduroy are in the playground trying to make the swings move]''
:'''Lisa''': Do you want to ride the teeter totter, Cordy?
:'''Corduroy''': It is too hot to play.
:'''Lisa''': I know. It's even hotter than yesterday. ''[huffs]''
:'''Corduroy''': It's the hottest day ever.
:''[Lisa pulls out the grass and throws to see if the breeze is coming but it didn't came. From this point, Lisa and Corduroy see it is way too hot and do not know that this heat can melt any frozen things]''
:'''Lisa''': There isn't even a breeze to cool us off.
:'''Corduroy''': My fur is making me even hotter.
:'''Lisa''': Let's go home, Cordy. It's air-conditioned there.
:'''Corduroy''': Will it be nice and cool?
:'''Lisa''': And on the way back, we can visit...!
:'''Corduroy''': The sweet shop?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa comes home until she feel the hot heat from inside instead of the breeze from the air-conditioner]''
:'''Lisa''': Huh?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[panting]'' I'm still hot.
:'''Lisa''': What's wrong with the air conditioning?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': It hasn't been working for most of the day.
:'''Lisa''': Can I go over to Moppy's to get cool?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I'm afraid the air conditioning is broken down for the whole building. Pandro's trying to fix it.
:''[Lisa puts down her knapsack down to the floor and puts Corduroy on the sofa's handle]''
:'''Lisa''': Can we go to the beach?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Sorry. The beach is quite a distance away, hon. By the time we get there, it'll be evening.
:'''Lisa''': Oh...

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's imagination, they're at the beach and they both finished the sandcastle]''
:'''Lisa''': A castle fit for a king.
:'''Corduroy''': Someday I want to be a king.
:'''Lisa''': Well, King Corduroy, do you want to go beachcombing?
:'''Corduroy''': Beachcombing? (What's beachcombing?)
:'''Lisa''': We'll look for seashells and other neat stuff (along the way).
:'''Corduroy''': You mean like a treasure hunt?
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Sort of. ''[on-screen]'' Come on.
:''[Corduroy follows Lisa. Lisa and Corduroy's footprints are shown on the sand as Lisa and Corduroy went to collect seashells. as Corduroy puts shells into the bucket, he sees a conch shell laying on the beach]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[to Lisa when he finds a conch shell]'' Look!
:''[The camera zooms in to a conch shell. Corduroy runs through the beach and picks the conch shell with his paws]''
:'''Lisa''': Wow, that's a real big one. Try blowing it.
:''[Corduroy blows on the conch shell making a &quot;very&quot; long note]''
:'''Corduroy''': Whoa! What more could a bear ask for?
:'''Lisa''': ''[sees another shell in the distance]'' Look how pretty that shell is.
:''[Another shell lays on the sandy beach. Corduroy touches the shell and it started to move]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[laughs as he fell backwards]'' Hey! ''[laughing]'' This one moves.
:''[A hermit crab (who is inside the shell) continues to crawl through the sandy beach until Lisa picks him up and she looks inside his shell]''
:'''Lisa''': It's a hermit crab.
:''[The hermit crab comes out of his shell with a grumpy expression]''
:'''Lisa''': See? He's hiding.
:'''Corduroy''': He doesn't look very happy (today).
:'''Lisa''': I think he looks kind of crabby.
:''[Lisa and Corduroy begin to laugh with joy. Then Lisa put the hermit crab on the sandy beach and the hermit crab crawls away from Lisa and Corduroy so he can join in the other crabs]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' Whoa, it's a whole bunch of crabbies!
:''[Lisa and Corduroy started laughing again as the hermit crab went into the ocean. Suddenly, a baby sea turtle pops out of the sand after it hatched out from an egg]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Look, Corduroy. It's a baby (sea) turtle.
:''[The baby sea turtle crawls to the ocean]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' Where's it going?
:'''Lisa''': Into the ocean. That's where it's going to grow up.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[to Lisa as he watches the baby sea turtle goes into the ocean]'' Someday, I want to look inside the ocean and find out what else lives there.
:'''Lisa''': I'd like that, too. Feel that ocean breeze?
:''[Lisa and Corduroy sigh together]''
:'''Corduroy''': It's so nice and cool.

===Yours, Mine and Ours / Say Cheese [1.10]===
:'''Lisa''': ''[knocking on the door]'' Moppy! Moppy, hurry up! The block party's already started!
:'''Moppy''': ''[opens the door; laughs]'' I know. My mom just took the cheese fondue down a minute ago!
:'''Lisa''': Ready to go?
:'''Moppy''': Are you kidding? I skipped breakfast so I'd have more room for all the free food! ''[feels his stomach]'' I'm gonna stuff myself silly!
:'''Lisa''': ''[reminds Moppy never to get greedy]'' Don't get too greedy! We might want to taste, right, Cordy?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Right!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Ice Cream Man]'' Hi, two cones, please!
:'''Ice Cream Man''': ''[chuckling]'' So, how about one at a time? It's so hot, the second one will melt before you even get to it. Or is one for your little bear?
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggling]'' Of course they're not for me. One is for my friend back there.
:''[When Lisa says, &quot;One ice cream cone is for my friend back there&quot;, she is referring to an ice cream cone for Corduroy. Moppy has had four ice cream cones. Then he --for a hiding place and to avoid being caught-- runs behind a lady and tries to hide behind her. That is, to avoid his guilty conscience. But the lady, she walks away. That is, allowing Moppy to get caught by the ice cream man.]''
:'''Moppy''': Uh-oh! 
:''[The ice cream man successfully catches Moppy. That is, after seeing that he has had four ice cream cones already.]'' 
:'''Moppy''': Uh...! 
:'''Ice Cream Man''': &lt;big&gt;'''HEY YOU!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The ice cream man turns to Lisa.]'' 
:'''Ice Cream Man''': ''[to Lisa]'' &lt;big&gt;'''HE HAS EATEN FOUR ICE CREAM CONES ALREADY! FOUR!'''&lt;/big&gt; 
:''[The ice cream man is mad.]'' 
:'''Ice Cream Man''': ''[turns back to Moppy]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WELL NO MORE, YOU GREEDY LITTLE BOY!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The ice cream man wheels away after stating that Moppy must not have another ice cream cone after already having four. And what is worse, it is that Moppy did not even pay for any of the ice cream cones. That is, and he just sampled on them.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': Hi, Lisa!
:'''Lisa''': ''[turns to Corduroy]'' Shh!
:'''Corduroy''': What are you doing?
:'''Lisa''': I'm taking pictures!
:'''Corduroy''': ''[whispering]'' Why do you have to be quiet to take pictures?
:'''Lisa''': Because I want to take surprise pictures, starting with Mom first. Shh!
:''[Corduroy is trying to be quiet. To be quiet, he covers his mouth by using both his paws. When Corduroy is not looking, Lisa sneaks to her mother's bedroom and goes on to her out of no where without her mother's permission with taking pictures. She finds her folding clothes while having curlers and face cream on. Then she makes ready to take her mother's picture. She sneakily smiles at her mother and whips out her camera to take the picture.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[takes her mother's picture with the camera]'' Say cheese! 
:''[Lisa snaps the picture on her mother.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[gasps]'' Ooh! 
:''[Lisa's Mom looks side to side where the loud click came from, then sees Lisa with the camera. Lisa laughs. Then she says...!]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[in between laughs]'' Got ya! 
:''[Then Lisa resumes laughing. And she taunts her mother. Even though Lisa thought it was funny, her mother does not think it's very funny. The picture --offscreen-- that Lisa snapped on her mom shows her mom's embarrassed face. That is, with her mom's face having curlers and face cream on.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[becomes surprised]'' &lt;big&gt;'''LISA, YOU HAVE SCARED THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Sorry, Mom. But this makes a great picture. See you later! 
:''[Lisa runs away with the picture she snapped on her mother.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[As Pandro is eating a hamburger for lunch, a mouse peeks out of the mouse hole and smells the hamburger. Bread crumbs from the hamburger bun fell on the floor as the mouse spots them. Pandro is about to take another bite until he spots the mouse staring at him and his hamburger]''
:'''Pandro''' Mouse!
:'''Lisa''': ''[takes Pandro's picture with the camera]'' Say cheese!
:''[Pandro stands on the chair as the mouse flees away holding a bread crumb with its mouth]''
:'''Pandro''': ''[spots Lisa who already takes a picture of him]'' Hey, did you just take a picture of me?
:'''Lisa''': It's going to be a great shot, Pandro. Bye! ''[runs out of the shed]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa sits down on the stair case while looking at the pictures that she took today]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggling]'' Wow, these are great!
:'''Moppy's Mom''': ''[arrives at the building carrying groceries]'' Hi, Lisa! How are your photos turning out?
:'''Lisa''': Even better than I thought! ''[shows Moppy's Mom the photos]''
:''[Lisa gives Moppy's Mom the pictures and she finds one that Lisa snapped on her when her apron is covered in chocolate icing after she and Moppy's Dad made the cake. She finds another picture when she and Moppy's Dad are covered in the cake which they accidentally had ruined]''
:'''Moppy's Mom''': ''[about the smashed and ruined cake in the picture]'' Oh, (on Moppy's Dad and I), that cake (which we baked) could have tasted much better on a plate, instead of on our clothes.
:'''Lisa''': What do you think?
:'''Moppy's Mom''': Well, Moppy's Dad and I, we look pretty silly, don't you think?
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggling]'' Funny, isn't it?
:'''Moppy's Mom''': Well...
:''[Pandro opens the door and walks down the stairs]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[to Pandro]'' Pandro, I got a great picture of you here, too!
:'''Moppy's Mom''': I'd better get these groceries inside. Bye, Lisa. Bye, Pandro. ''[went inside]''
:''[Lisa gives Pandro a picture. Pandro gasps when he sees one that Lisa snapped on him when he hides from the mouse]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[showing Pandro the mouse]'' Look, there's the mouse you were hiding from!
:'''Pandro''': ''[finds the mouse on the picture]'' Oh, yes, there it is. Right in the picture.
:''[The scene cuts to where Lisa holds a picture of Moppy doing a dance move who is completely chaotic]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Check it out, Moppy!
:'''Moppy''': ''[practicing his dance move while kicking a ball]'' I'm busy, Lise.
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggling]'' Come on, it's pretty funny.
:'''Moppy''': No thanks, I don't need to look at pictures of me looking silly.
:'''Lisa''': ''[as her frown becomes upside down]'' Okay, fine!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa gets home from taking pictures. She has taken pictures on her mother, Moppy's parents, Pandro, and Moppy again. That is, even though they were doing something which was private. Indeed, Lisa was snooping through their privacy. The scene then cuts to her mother while reading her book in the kitchen at the kitchen table is looking rather embarrassed. Because what Lisa did was snapping photos on everyone in the building without their permission including her mother too when she privately had curlers and face cream on in the morning]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[to her mother]'' You want to see the pictures that I took today?
:''[Lisa's Mom is not happy about Lisa's &quot;snapping pictures&quot; behavior in the building.]'' 
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[to Lisa]'' I'm hearing that you've snapped all sorts of photos around here. I am very curious to see how they turned out.
:''[As Lisa's Mom is looking through the pictures that Lisa took around the building.]''
:'''Lisa''': I know you may like my pictures, Mom. ''[about Moppy]'' Moppy, he does not think it is right to sneak up on people to take surprise pictures. 
:''[Lisa's Mom looks through the pictures. After going through them, she then finds the picture that Lisa snapped on her earlier in the morning when she had curlers and face cream on. The picture reveals to showing Lisa's Mom in an embarrassed look to after Lisa took a picture of her; and right after Lisa invaded her privacy. The picture that her mother reveals is a picture of her with curlers and face cream on and an awkward face when Lisa took her picture.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[looks at the picture]'' Oh...! 
:''[Lisa's Mom looks at the picture --after she found the one picture that Lisa snapped on her-- then turns back to Lisa.]'' 
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I can see why. You took these pictures without getting people's permission first. 
:'''Lisa''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': That is an invasion of their privacy.
:'''Lisa''': You mean, you do not like them either?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': No, Lisa. I don't. They may be good photographs. But they aren't very nice ones.
:'''Lisa''': Well, I think everyone in the building is a little too touchy around here. I am going to go put my pictures into an album. 
:''[Lisa runs off with the pile of pictures and into her room. Lisa's mom sits at the dining room table and takes out the photo of herself with face cream on --and an awkward expression-- then looks at it.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[When Lisa enters her room, she finds Corduroy snooping through her private stuff from her treasure chest. Corduroy had gotten Rosetta and Buckaroo to go in it so he could play pirates with them and use Lisa's treasure chest of private things as a treasure chest. But he was the one to go in it first without permission]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[gasps]'' Corduroy! ''[off-screen]'' What are you doing in my chest?
:'''Rosetta and Buckaroo''': ''[sees Lisa]'' Uh-oh!
:''[The closet door closes as Lisa is going to have a word to Corduroy about her private treasure chest. But Lisa only scolds Corduroy for it then has a word with him about her &quot;treasure chest&quot;]''
:'''Corduroy''': What did I do?
:'''Lisa''': You snooped through my stuff, my private stuff, without asking! ''[off-screen]'' You must know better (in the first place).
:'''Corduroy''': ''[sadly; to Lisa cause he know he should ask her next time]'' I'm sorry, Lisa. I guess I should have asked you first.

===Once, Twice, Ice / Sticks and Stones [1.11]===
:'''Lisa''': You're not Dr. Moppy, ''[feels Moppy's hair and picks up Corduroy]'' you're Sloppy Toppy! ''[giggles]''
:'''Moppy''': ''[puts his annoyed face to Lisa]'' Dr. Sloppy Toppy.
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggling while holding Corduroy]'' Sloppy Toppy! ''[laughs]'' Sloppy Toppy needs a brush to brush his hair!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[After Lisa left her room so she can go to Moppy's place to listen to Moppy's violin, Corduroy and Buckaroo came to life]''
:'''Corduroy''': Why couldn't you move, Buckaroo?
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[to Corduroy while trying to move again]'' I don't know! I keep getting stuck!
:'''Corduroy''': ''[starts to laugh]'' Stuck?
:'''Buckaroo''': Yeah that's right, stuck.
:'''Corduroy''': Like a Stuckaroo, Buckaroo?
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[muttering]'' Er-uh...heh.
:'''Corduroy''': Stuckaroo, Stuckaroo ''[jumps up and down on Lisa's bed]'' his legs and feet are made of glue! ''[off-screen]'' Funny huh?
:''[Corduroy, in total has called Buckaroo, &quot;Stuckaroo&quot; three times]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Moppy''': You don't want it anyway. All you talk about is pizza! 
:'''Lisa''': ''[giggles and calls Moppy a nickname &quot;Sloppy Toppy&quot;]'' Sloppy Toppy!
:'''Moppy''': ''[calls Lisa a nickname back --in sense that Lisa is thinking about having pizza for lunch]'' Lisa Pizza! 
:''[Lisa then stops laughing and lets out a gasp after what Moppy just called her. Moppy had called Lisa a nickname. That is, which is &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;. Lisa gasps and says...!]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[wants to know what Moppy called her]'' (Wait...?!) What did you call me?!
:'''Moppy''': ''[still thinking it's funny, he repeats the nickname and says it four times at this]'' Lisa Pizza, Lisa Pizza, Lisa Pizza!
:''[At first Lisa becomes awkward about the nickname --which was &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;-- spoken by Moppy. But then looks rather upset right after Moppy calls her &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;. Meanwhile, the scene cuts to Lisa's room where Corduroy is trying to pull Buckaroo with a rope because Buckaroo's rockers can't move]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[after trying his best to make Buckaroo move again]'' Not again!
:'''Buckaroo''': Mmm. ''[sees his rockers who are still stuck]'' I can't help it if my rockers are stuck.
:'''Corduroy''': I guess. But that's because you're, ''[calls Buckaroo --for a fourth time-- a nickname &quot;Stuckaroo&quot;]'' Stuckaroo! ''[laughing]''
:'''Buckaroo''': That's, Buckaroo. (Not Stuckaroo.)
:'''Corduroy''': ''[repeats the nickname for a fifth time]'' Buckaroo the Stuckaroo, his legs and feet are made of glue!
:''[Corduroy has said &quot;Stuckaroo&quot; two more times at this. In total, he has said this name on Buckaroo five times]''
:'''Buckaroo''': Well, you're, you're...! ''[calls Corduroy a nickname back; in sense that Corduroy is pretending that he has a cast on his head from the pretend game &quot;doctor&quot; which he was playing with Lisa and Moppy on]'' You're a Boo-Boo Head!
:''[Corduroy then stops laughing and lets out a gasp after what Buckaroo just called him. Buckaroo --after seeing Corduroy's pretend cast-- said that Corduroy was a &quot;Boo-Boo Head&quot;. Meanwhile, the scene cuts back to Moppy's place where Lisa is still rather upset when Moppy called her &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;. Lisa knows what she just heard from Moppy when he said that nickname.]''
:'''Moppy''': ''[to Lisa; as he whips out an imaginary camera and forces her to smile at the &quot;camera&quot;]'' Hey, Lisa Pizza...! Smile for the camera! Say cheese! Get it? Pizza?! Cheese?!
:''[Lisa pushes the kitchen table chair and stands up because she's going home]''
:'''Lisa''': It's not that funny. I'm going!
:'''Moppy''': But what about your sandwich? Aren't you gonna eat it?
:'''Lisa''': &lt;big&gt;'''I RATHER GO HOME THAN BEING CALLED &quot;LISA PIZZA&quot;!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Moppy''': ''[gasping]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WELL, I RATHER GO HOME THAN BEING CALLED &quot;SLOPPY TOPPY&quot;!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lisa''': &lt;big&gt;'''(WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!) YOU ARE HOME!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Moppy''': &lt;big&gt;'''OH YEAH?! WELL, I DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED &quot;SLOPPY TOPPY&quot;! THAT IS, WHEREVER I AM!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lisa''': &lt;big&gt;'''OKAY, FINE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Moppy''': &lt;big&gt;'''FINE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Lisa opens the door as she exits Moppy's place. Then she angrily shuts the door.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': ''[crying because Moppy called her &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;]'' I don't like being called &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot;.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I know, hon.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In the kitchen from Moppy's place, Moppy haven't touched nor eaten his &quot;Sloppy Toppy&quot; sandwich because he was feeling rather upset when Lisa called him a bad name; which was &quot;Sloppy Toppy&quot;. Lisa opens the door and finds Moppy sitting on the kitchen table all alone]''
:'''Lisa''': Hi, Moppy, can I come in?
:'''Moppy''': ''[sadly]'' I guess.
:''[Lisa closes the door and sits on a kitchen table chair]''
:'''Lisa''': You hardly touched your sandwich (you made for yourself).
:'''Moppy''': I don't feel like eating.
:'''Lisa''': I know what you mean. ''[apologizing Moppy]'' I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. ''[tells Moppy that she will not call him &quot;Sloppy Toppy&quot; again]'' I won't call you &quot;Sloppy Toppy&quot; ever again.
:'''Moppy''': ''[apologizing Lisa that he will not call her &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot; anymore]'' And I won't call you &quot;Lisa Pizza&quot; anymore.
:''[Lisa smiles at Moppy. In Lisa's room, Buckaroo is looking outside the window all alone. Corduroy peeks from Lisa's bedroom door and finds Buckaroo all alone]''
:'''Corduroy''': Hi, Buckaroo.
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[thinks that Corduroy is still calling him a bad name; which was &quot;Stuckaroo&quot;]'' What did you say?
:'''Corduroy''': I said, &quot;Hi, Buckaroo&quot;.
:'''Buckaroo''': You're not going to call me, that name anymore?
:'''Corduroy''': No more (bad) name calling. ''[apologizing Buckaroo]'' Sorry.
:'''Buckaroo''': ''[apologizing Corduroy for calling him a bad name earlier; which was &quot;Boo-Boo Head&quot;]'' Well, I shouldn't have called you a Boo-Boo Head.

===Super Duper Market / Party Plans [1.12]===
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[reminds Lisa to add carrots to the list while checking the refrigerator]'' Could you add carrots please?
:'''Lisa''': ''[spelling the word, &quot;Carrots&quot;]'' C-A-R-R-O-T-S. Carrots, got it!
:'''Lisa's Mom''': And we're going to need more eggs if we're going to make those cupcakes!
:'''Lisa''': ''[spelling the word, &quot;Eggs&quot;]'' E-G-G-S. Eggs. Mom, if we're going to make cupcakes, maybe we should get some candy sprinkles to put on top?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[laughs]'' Okay. ''[closes the refrigerator door]'' I guess you better add those too. That's it then, let's get a move on.
:'''Lisa''': I'm bringing Corduroy. Be right back! ''[leaves the kitchen to get Corduroy]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa''': Oooh, brrr. Lucky you've got fur, it's kind of cold here. ''[went to get a carton of eggs]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' There's food everywhere! It's not a supermarket, it's a super duper market! Where do they get all this food?
:'''Lisa''': From a whole bunch of farms.
:'''Corduory''': ''[thinking]'' I've always wanted to visit a farm.
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's imagination, a herd of cows are eating grass. One cow moos]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' On the farm, there would be cows.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' Lots of cows! ''[mimics a cow mooing]'' Oh, and some chickens!
:''[In the red barn, some chickens are pecking for food]''
:'''Lisa and Corduroy''': ''[singing &quot;Lisa and Cordy had a farm&quot;; their own version of &quot;[[w:Old MacDonald Had a Farm|Old MacDonald Had a Farm]]&quot;]'' ''♪ Lisa and Cordy had a farm, ♪'' 
:''♪ E-I-E-I-O! ♪''
:'''Lisa''': ''♪ And on their farm they had some chickens, ♪''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' ''♪ E-I-E-I-O! ♪''
:'''Lisa''': ''♪ With a cluck cluck here, ♪''
:'''Corduroy''': ''♪ With a cluck cluck there, ♪''
:'''Lisa''': ''♪ Here a cluck, ♪''
:'''Corduroy''': ''♪ There a cluck, ♪''
:'''Lisa and Corduroy''': ''[together]'' ''♪ Everywhere a cluck cluck! ♪''
:''♪ Lisa and Cordy had a farm, ♪''
:''♪ E-I-E-I-O! ♪''
:''[Lisa and Corduroy as farmers leave the barn with a basket full of eggs]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Lisa's Mom''': You have to be more careful. ''[seriously; about the floor that is wet and slippery]'' A wet floor is a slippery floor.
:'''Lisa''': Don't worry, we're okay. Right, Cordy?
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Right!
:'''Lisa's Mom''': I'm glad you're okay, Lisa. ''[points to that old lady who is not being careful]'' But what if you caused that lady to slip and fall? Remember, better safe and sorry.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen; seeing the bear-shape peanut butter jar]'' Mmm, peanut butter!
:''[Corduroy stood up in the cart and tries to peanut butter. He stops and sees one that looked exactly like him]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[giggling]'' The jars look just like me!
:''[Lisa blinks her eyes as she watches Corduroy trying to get the peanut butter. Corduroy grabs the jar but loses his blanace]''
:'''Corduroy''': Whoops!
:''[Lisa gasps in horror when her teddy bear needed help. She quickly catches him in her hands before he and the peanut butter falls to the floor]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[catches Corduroy as he's still holding the peanut butter]'' I've got you!
:'''Corduroy''': And I got the peanut butter!
:''[Corduroy and Lisa begin to laugh as Lisa puts Corduroy back on the cart so he care be more careful. Then Corduroy hands the peanut butter to Lisa]''
:'''Lisa''': Can we get some peanut butter, please? For Corduroy?
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Only if he promises to share.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' I promise!
:'''Lisa''': Cordy says yes.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Lisa and Corduroy are talking about the dangerous acts which they were fooling around with.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[mentions one of them which was the automatic door area in the supermarket]'' Yeah. But what if the doors were mixed up when they were supposed to open?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' Being safe is better than being sorry.
:'''Lisa''': From now on, we are going to do things the safe way. Then we won't have to be sorry.
:'''Corduroy''': ''[thinking]'' What more could a bear ask for?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Corduroy''': ''[after his friends can't play with him today]'' Why don't they want to play with me (today)? ''[pause]'' I must be sad. I don't like being sad.
:''[In Corduroy's flashback, he was sitting on a toy shelf in the toy store surrounding by toys who were also on the shelf with him. This part is loosely from the [[w:Don Freeman|Don Freeman]] book; [[w:Corduroy (book)|Corduroy]] from the Corduroy book series]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[voice over]'' I used to sad when I lived in the toy store (back then). I waited everyday (and everynight) for somebody to take me home. Then, one day---
:'''Lisa''': ''[off-screen]'' Mom, look! ''[on-screen]'' That's the very bear I've always wanted.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': Not today, dear. I've spend too much already. ''[about Corduroy who doesn't look like new because he's missing a button from one of the shoulder straps]'' Besides he doesn't look new. ''[off-screen]'' He's lost the button to one of his shoulder straps.
:'''Lisa''': ''[gets Corduroy out of the toy shelf]'' But he's got sparkly eyes ''[off-screen]'' and a real nice smile. ''[on-screen]'' He's perfect. ''[to her mother]'' I've saved up my own money. Can't I buy him, please?
:''[In Lisa's room, Lisa opens her bedroom door and welcomes Corduroy to his new home]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[welcoming Corduroy to her bedroom from her place in the apartment]'' Welcome to your new home, Corduroy.
:''[Corduroy was surprised when he sees Lisa's room for the very first time]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[off-screen]'' Wow! ''[on-screen; turns to Lisa and hugs her]'' You must be a friend, I've always wanted a friend.
:'''Lisa''': ''[happily; to Corduroy]'' Me too!
:''[Back in the present day, Corduroy started to sniff sadly as he begins sobbing]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[becomes heartbroken as tears rolls down his cheeks]'' Maybe nobody wants to be friends with me anymore. ''[closes the linen closet door]''

:'''NOTE''': This is the second of the two episodes (the second episode after &quot;Mop Top&quot;) where Corduroy cries.

===Finder's Keepers / Between the Covers [1.13]===
:''[In the final episode of the TV series, what Lisa's Mom states to Lisa, it refers to the first episode from way back in the start of the said series. That is, which was &quot;Lost and Found&quot;. After all, this episode &quot;Finders Keepers / Between the Covers&quot; is the final episode of the series.]''
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[to Lisa]'' Do you remember the time when you lost Corduroy?
:'''Lisa''': Yes. The subway conductor found Cordy and took him to the lost and found.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': How would you have felt if that conductor decided to keep Corduroy for himself?
:'''Lisa''': I guess you are right, Mom.
:'''Lisa's Mom''': ''[about J.R]'' Let's check J.R's collar again. Sometimes an owner might put some identification on the other side of a pet's tag. ''[checks the other side of J.R's tag]'' Here we go. A phone number. 
:''[Although Lisa had not known who J.R the dog belonged to, Lisa's Mom checks the other side of J.R's collar. The other side of the collar shows his correct owner's name and the phone number to call if he gets lost. Lisa's Mom goes over to the telephone to call the phone number]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa's room, Lisa is reading the last lines and pages of the story &quot;[[w:Goldilocks and the Three Bears|Goldilocks and the Three Bears]]&quot; --a story from her library book.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[reading]'' And Baby Bear said, &quot;Somebody's been sleeping in my bed! And she still is!&quot;. Goldilocks, woke up at once. And she saw three bears all staring down at her. &lt;big&gt;&quot;'''AAAAH!'''&quot;&lt;/big&gt;, screamed Goldilocks. She jumped out of Baby Bear's bed and ran out the door. And she never was seen again. Papa Bear and Mama Bear spooned some of the leftover porridge (from the porridge pot). And they put it into Baby Bear's empty bowl (after Goldilocks ate up all his porridge). Then the happy bears (who never saw Goldilocks again), they all sat down to breakfast. At last, everything was just right. (As for Goldilocks, from that day on, she never touched anything that didn't belong to her.)
:'''Corduroy''': The end.
:''[Lisa and Corduroy have finished their story. Indeed, according to the story --and at the end-- after Goldilocks left the bears's house, she --from then on-- never touched things that didn't belong to her again. She stopped being stubborn, traded in her tricks, and did exactly what her parents told her. As for the three bears, they put a lock on their door. And they never knew what a favor they had done for Goldilocks. In fact, they --the bears-- never saw her again. After they finish reading it, Lisa closes the book at looks at her plate of chocolate chip cookies. She finds her chocolate chip cookies almost all gone. It's just one half eaten chocolate chip cookie on the cookie plate. This is like the part from the said story --the part where Goldilocks ate up Baby Bear's porridge. As a result, Lisa and Corduroy are in a short act out from the said story in Lisa's room before going to bed. Corduroy --had all along-- eaten Lisa's cookies. That is, just like how Goldilocks from the story ate up Baby Bear's porridge.]''
:'''Lisa''': ''[recites a line from her story as she pretends to be like Baby Bear]'' Hey! (My chocolate chip cookies!) Somebody has been tasting my cookies! (And it's all gone!)
:'''Corduroy''': Uh-oh...! 
:''[Corduroy cleans and dusts off the cookie crumbs away by using his paw after tasting Lisa's cookies and eating almost all of them like in &quot;Goldilocks and the Three Bears&quot;.]'' 
:'''Corduroy''': I wonder who did that!
:'''Lisa''': ''[pretends to be like Baby Bear]'' Somebody has been drinking my milk! And there is hardly any left! 
:'''Corduroy''': ''[giggling; has pretended to be Goldilocks when he ate up Lisa's cookies and drank up her milk]'' (It was me!) Just like in &quot;Goldilocks and the Three Bears&quot;! (Just like how Goldilocks did this to Baby Bear in the said story! She ate up all of Baby Bear's porridge, broke his chair, and slept in his bed!) 
:'''Lisa''': ''[makes her own version of the said story; calling it &quot;Lisa Locks and the Cordy Bear&quot;]'' It should be &quot;Lisa-Locks and the Cordy Bear&quot;.
:''[As a result, Lisa has replaced the word &quot;Goldilocks&quot; and &quot;Three Bears&quot; in &quot;Goldilocks and the Three Bears&quot; with &quot;Lisa Locks&quot; and &quot;Cordy Bear&quot; respectively and repronounces and renames the title &quot;Lisa Locks and the Cordy Bear&quot;. In the imagined flashback, Lisa --who is pretending to be Goldilocks and is &quot;Lisa Locks&quot;-- her long hair is down and has curls. That is, just like how Goldilocks had her blonde hair in curls.]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[In Lisa and Corduroy's imagination, which takes Lisa and Corduroy to the said fairy tale &quot;Goldilocks and the Three Bears&quot; with Lisa calling it &quot;Lisa Locks and the Cordy Bear&quot;, Corduroy as &quot;Baby Bear&quot; finds Lisa-Locks in his tiny bed. This is also like in the book. That is, the part where Goldilocks slept in Baby Bear's bed. In the imagination, Lisa Locks slept in Corduroy's bed]''
:'''Corduroy''': ''[as &quot;Baby Bear&quot; and finds Lisa in her own version of &quot;Goldilocks&quot; called &quot;Lisa Locks&quot;]'' Hey! Somebody has been sleeping in my bed! (And there she is!) She must be Lisa Locks!

==Voice cast==
* Asa Perlman as Corduroy, Lisa's stuffed bear.
* Alesha Morrison as Lisa, Corduroy's owner and friend.
* Camille James as Lisa's Mom.
* [[w:Diane Fabian|Diane Fabian]] as Rosetta, the toy mouse.
* [[w:Len Carlson|Len Carlson]] as Buckaroo, the rocking horse.
* [[w:Jake Goldsbie|Jake Goldsbie]] as Marty &quot;Moppy&quot;, Lisa's friend.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Chinese animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Chinese children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about bears]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about horses]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Danny Phantom/Season 2</title>
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{{Danny Phantom header}}
'''''[[w:Danny Phantom|Danny Phantom]]''''' is an American animated television series that was aired on Nickelodeon. The series follows a teenage boy who, after an accident with an unpredictable portal between the human world and the &quot;Ghost Zone&quot;, becomes a human-ghost hybrid and takes on the task of saving his town (and the world) from subsequent ghost attacks using an evolving variety of supernatural powers.
{{Wikipedia|Danny Phantom}}

===''Memory Blank'' [2.1]===
:'''Tucker''': Good job beating the big cow, Danny.
:'''Danny''': Yeah, well it hasn't stopped Sam from busting my chops about &quot;Cruelty to Unliving Plastic Animals&quot;. 
:'''Sam''': I had to choose between fake cows and evil trucks. The cow won.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Danny and Tucker''': Pretty please with those dark licorice sprinkles and the black frosting you like with those little gummy bats on top?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:''[Sam just saved Danny from Terminatra using the Spector Deflector and is helping him out of a fountain.]''
:'''Danny''': Nice save! Although to be fair, I probably wouldn't have needed it if it weren't for you in the first place. 
:''[the Spector Deflector glows and zaps Danny. He screams and falls back in the fountain.]''
:'''Sam''': Uh, excuse me? I save ''your'' butt, and ''you're'' giving ''me'' grief?!
:'''Danny''': Welcome to my world, remember? ''[gestures, sarcastically]'' We should make the menu Recyclo-Vegetarian! We should let the gorilla out. We should sell all of your dad's stuff at a garage sale! ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Sam''': Anything else you wanna blame me for? World hunger? The Ice Age? ''Puberty?!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jack sees Danny kissing Sam.]''
:'''Danny''': ''[whispers to Sam]'' I call that a ''fakeout makeout''.
:'''Sam''': ''[blushes]'' Yeah, I know.
:'''Jack''': ''[to Danny]'' You're in a lot of trouble, mister! ''[to Sam]'' And who the heck are you?
:'''Sam''': Uh...I'm Paulina?
:'''Jack''': Then Danny Fenton is never, ever, allowed to see you, Paulina. 
:''[Sam smiles]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Mr. Lancer''': Thousands of meteors will be visible in the skies of Amity Park this Friday. People tend to wish upon these falling stars without realizing that at the speeds they're falling, ''[dramatically]'' they could drill through your tiny skulls like they were wet toilet paper!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Danny, use your ghost ray! You can fire a ghost ray out of your hand!
:'''Danny''': ''[concentrating]'' Ghost ray, ghost ray... ''[butt begins to glow green]'' Well, that can't be right! But it'll have to do! ''[fires ghost ray out of butt]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tucker''': ''[being chased by a monster truck]'' Ahhh!
:''[truck turns back to normal]''
:'''Tucker''': Yes!
:''[truck disappears]''
:'''Tucker''': NO!

===''Doctor's Disorders'' [2.2]===

:'''Danny''': Phew, what is that smell?
:'''Tucker''': This? ''[shows Danny a spray-can]'' It's my new all-over body spray. I made it myself. I call it &quot;Foley&quot; by Tucker Foley. ''[sprays some on himself]'' It combines with your natural odor to create a sweet manly scent, that smells different to everyone who sniffs it.
:'''Danny''': Tuck, you smell like a sweaty cookie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tucker''': ''[from outside the hospital]'' Spooky hospital. Ghosts guarding the joint. Still, no sign that Danny's in any real danger yet.
:'''Danny''': ''[from inside the hospital]'' Let me go!
:'''Tucker''': Still, technically not a cry for help.
:'''Danny''': HELP!
:'''Tucker''': Well, not a cry for ''me''.
:'''Danny''': ''[desperately]'' TUCKER!
:'''Tucker''': Ah, dang...

===''Pirate Radio'' [2.3]===
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': Mom, Dad! I really wanna use the emergency op-center to start a radio station!
:''[silence as Danny looks around and finds no one]''
:'''Sam''': That's a yes!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after the ghost pirates steal the ghost shield generator]''
:'''Youngblood''': Fall back, me hearties. We got da...got da...What's the word?
:'''Parrot''': Booty.
:'''Youngblood''': Ha, you said booty! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The ghost pirates have kidnapped adults all over Amity Park personally]''
:'''Paulina''': Hey, they got my parents!
:'''Dash''': Mine too!
:'''Kwan''': Cool! Party at Dash's house!
:'''Paulina''': Like, what is wrong with you?! ''[pushes Kwan over]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[using a megaphone]'' Listen up, people! If you want your parents back, you're gonna have to follow my lead. 
:'''Dash''': Why should we follow ''you'', Fen-''toad''?
:'''Danny''': ''[sarcastic]'' You're right, Dash. Let's follow the ''other'' kid who comes from a family of ghost hunters and knows how to work all their gear. ''[Dash looks away slightly, doesn't respond]'' No takers? Alright then, ''[raises right arm and fist]'' who's with me?
:''[All other students cheer]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dash''': ''[fighting ghost pirates back-to-back with Danny]'' You're one brave geek, Fenton. When I'm wailing on you tomorrow, I'll be wailing on a hero. But I will be wailing on you. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ember''': ''[on recording]'' Leave your kids. Come to the cruise.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after being freed from Ember's spell which made them exercise]''
:'''Jack''': Why do I suddenly feel like I have buns of steel?
:'''Maddie''': ''At last!'' I mean, I love you just the way you are. ''[hugs Jack]''
:'''Jazz''': ''Ew''!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Parrot''': ''[attempts and fails to get past the ghost shield]'' Let me out of here! Let me out!
:'''Youngblood''': Actually, it'd be more like, ''[piratey voice]'' &quot;Ahoy, matey! I'm marooned on this island.&quot;
:'''Parrot''': ''[glares at him]'' Oh, shut your gob you twit!

===''Reign Storm'' [2.4-5]===
:'''Sam''': You realize you're playing with fire.
:'''Danny''': Well, sometimes I have to use my powers for the greater good. ''[points to Dash]''
:'''Dash''': ''[opens his locker and gets half-covered in toilet paper]'' Whoa!
:'''Tucker''': ''[amused]'' And come on! How good was that?
:'''Sam''': Niiice...Using your powers to stuff toilet paper into a locker. He's gonna find out it's you.
:'''Danny''': Have you seen his ''grades?'' ''[in unison with Tucker]'' Never gonna happen!
:'''Dash''': ''[notices the toilet paper has Jack's face on it]'' Hey! This is ''Fenton Wipe!''
:'''Sam''': &quot;Never&quot; is Karma's doorbell. Ding-dong! It's for you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Danny and Valerie head into an alleyway, attempting to hide behind a dumpster, but see that Sam is already there. Sam points to Danny]''
:'''Danny''': Hiding from Dash. 
:''[Sam points to Valerie]''
:'''Valerie''': Hiding from Nathan. You?
:''[Sam points off-screen. The camera cuts to a shot of Sam's mother holding a large pink and yellow dress outside the alleyway.]''
:'''Mrs. Manson''': Sammikins, at ''least'' try it on!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[about Valerie]'' So, what's up with this? Why are you helping her all of a sudden?
:'''Danny''': Oh, she hid me from Dash earlier today. I'm just returning the favour.
:'''Sam''': Well, be careful. The last thing you'd want to do is invite your archenemy into your own house.
:''[they open the door, Danny gasps as he sees Vlad there]''
:'''Vlad''': Ah, hel-LO, Daniel!
:'''Sam''': Too late.  

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[to Vlad, after he blasts a skeleton away]'' You're helping me? What do you want, my mom's cell number?
:'''Vlad''': No! But, ooh, if you wanted to give me her number....

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Valerie''': Hey, Danny.
:'''Danny''': Hey, Val.
:'''Tucker''': &quot;Hey, Val&quot;? Isn't that the same Val that's usually on a jet sled trying to paste Danny?
:'''Sam''': Yep. And apparently next week, we're having cookies with Skulker!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ember''': ''[to the kids in the music store]'' Hey kids. Here's a new ditty I call... GET OUT OF MY NEW HOME!
:''[she sends an energy blast that breaks all the windows and the kids run out, screaming]''
:'''Random Kid''': She rocks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[various ghosts have attacked Danny and he's fallen to the ground in human form, and Sam rushes to his side]''
:'''Sam''': You okay? ''[Danny shoots her a dirty look]'' Sorry. Standard question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Sam''': ''[drinking tea]'' I'm getting worried. We haven't seen Danny or Valerie for hours.
:'''Jack''': Ah, they're fine. They've been up in Danny's room. Alone. For hours.
:''[Sam drops the teacup and it shatters.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Skulker''': Now, go, defeat him, so I will be free to hunt you another day.
:'''Danny''': ''[to Ember]'' Guy really knows how to motivate ya....

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': I don't understand....
:'''Vlad''': What? That I used two fourteen year old pawns to turn a knight and topple a king? It's [[chess]], Daniel. Of course you don't understand. But then, you never really did.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tucker''': Dude, you can't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault.
:'''Danny''': Maybe not. But it is my [[responsibility]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pariah Dark''': You can't possibly win.
:'''Danny''': I don't have to win. I just have to make sure you lose!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[referring to all the ghosts]'' How did they cram all of you inside the Specter Speeder?
:'''Ember''': Hey, you ever been inside your stupid thermos? Compared to that, it was the [[w:Taj Mahal|Taj Mahal]] in there!

&lt;hr width= &quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Danny, you beat the big bad guy, and you saved the town. That's enough for one day, dont'cha think?
:'''Danny''': Almost. ''[[Walks up to [[bully|Dash Baxter]]]]''.
:'''Dash''': You've got a lot of nerve walking up to me in broad daylight, Fenton!
:'''Danny''': Actually, I wanted to say I was sorry.  I pulled some [[w:prank|pranks]] on you and - well, with all the weirdness of the last few days, I'm sorta [[thinking]] that just because I can do something doesn't mean I should. So, apology accepted?
:[''cut to Danny [[w:wedgie|hanging from a flagpole by his underpants]]'']
:'''Dash''': [[Apology]] accepted
:[''Danny's underwear tears and he falls to the ground screaming'']
:'''Valerie''': Looks like everything's back to [[normal]].

===''Identity Crisis'' [2.6]===
:'''Danny''': ''[going through his ghost files with Sam and Tucker]'' Okay, Ember: Ghost Zone. Skulker: Ghost Zone. Box Ghost... ''[in unison with Tucker and Sam]'' Who cares.
:'''Box Ghost''': ''[pops his head out of the Fenton Portal]'' Hey! I have feelings too you know! ''[the Fenton Portal shuts him out]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Danny''': ''[as Technus pulls up a picture of Paulina and paints a mustache and glasses on her face with a paint brush]'' Hey, do you know how many digital collectibles I had to trade for that?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Technus''': ''[has taken over the Fenton RV and an electronics store. attaches TV to the RV]'' Hmm, plasma screen, ''[attaches speakers]'' surround sound, ''[attaches unknown appliance with a receiver dish]'' I don't know what this thing does... ''[attracts more TVs and remotes]'' Ooo, these are on sale!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Technus 2.0''': Behold, the new Technus 2.0! Now with pop-up blocker! ''[pulls Danny up towards him with a tractor beam.]''
:'''Danny''': Sounds like the same old Technus to me. Whaddaya say you shout out your plan and we get this thing over with?
:'''Technus 2.0''': Technus 2.0 does not reveal his secrets! ''[crosses arms]'' Go on, try me.
:'''Danny''': Uh, boxers or briefs?
:'''Technus 2.0''': ''[gets in his face]'' None of your business! ''[smug look]'' See?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fun Danny''': ''[on a roller coaster]'' Oh, man, this is the life. I wish I could stay on this ride, like, forever.
:''[all of the rides in the fair suddenly stop as the sky darkens]''
:'''Sam''': And you may just get your wish.
:'''Tucker''': Why couldn't you wish for super models?
:'''Super Danny''': Did someone say, &quot;super&quot;?!
:'''Sam''': Ah, somebody kill me.

===''The Fenton Menace'' [2.7]===
:'''Jazz''': See? This toxic home environment is making him a nervous wreck! ''[Danny's eye twitches]'' He needs a normal family outing! One that has nothing to do with ghosts!
:'''Danny''': Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here?! ''[invisible Youngblood pokes Danny]'' AND WILL YOU STOP POKING ME?!
:'''Maddie''': I don't know, Jazz, honey. Sure Danny seems a little high-strung but I'm sure it's nothing we can't work out here...
:''[Youngblood pokes Danny again]''
:'''Danny''': Back off, punk! ''[snatches an ecto-gun and fires it all around the lab]''
:'''Jack &amp; Maddie &amp; Jazz''': ''[find cover behind piles of boxes]''
:'''Maddie''': ''[to Jazz]'' I'll get the sleeping bags.
:'''Jack''': And I'll get that ghost hunting equipment! ''[Maddie and Jazz gives him disapproving glares]'' And by ghost hunting equipment, I mean..Uh...The other sleeping bags!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jazz''': ''[grabs Danny's arm]'' And where do you think you're going?
:'''Danny''': Wherever I want. What are you, the hall monitor now?
:'''Jazz''': I'm ''your'' hall monitor, Danny. And there's no place you can go that I can't follow.
:'''Danny''': Really?
:''[Danny walks into the boy's room and shuts the door on Jazz's face]''
:'''Jazz''': Except there.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Maddie''': Who's up for a game of &quot;I Spy&quot;? I spy with my little eyes something beginning with... C!
:'''Jack''': Cola, chaffing, cattleprod...
:'''Danny''': Cowboy?
:'''Jazz''': Where do you see a cowboy?
:'''Danny''': Duh, he's riding right next to us!...At seventy miles an hour? Oh no not again.

===''The Ultimate Enemy'' [2.8–9]===
:''[Danny is about to open the envelope and look at the test answers. He's suddenly interrupted by the appearance of SkulkTech 9.9]''
:'''Sam and Tucker''': Whew! ''[unenthusiastically]'' I mean, oh no. A ghost.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Danny's at his house trying to study for the C.A.T. test with Jazz in the room. He suddenly senses a ghost.]''
:'''Danny''': ''[quietly, to himself]'' Aw, man! A ghost? Here? ''[loudly, to Jazz]'' Now get out of my room!
:'''Jazz''': We're in the kitchen. ''[sees ghost behind Danny]'' But if that's your attitude, I don't want to see you or anything you do in here for the next several minutes! ''[rushes out]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Clockwork''': ''[to Danny, Tucker, and Sam]'' I sent him back to his own time. Or rather, forward to his own time. You see, to me time moves backward and forward and... Oh, why am I bothering? You're only 14.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Future Box Ghost''': Well, well, well. ''[Danny turns to see the Future Box Ghost]'' All this time we've planning on how we take the fight to you. And here you are, wrapped up like a present.
:'''Danny''': Box Ghost?
:'''Future Box Ghost''': Beware...''[shoots Danny with a blast of blue energy into Future Ember]''
:'''Danny''': ''[after bumping into Future Ember]'' Ember? You look...
:'''Future Ember''': Like I went to seed right after you destroyed my vocal cords WITH THAT GHOSTLY WAIL OF YOURS?!
:'''Danny''': I was gonna say 'statuesque,' but uh...''[smiles innocently]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dark Danny has revealed his true form to Jazz]''
:'''Jazz''': You're not Danny. That's why the Booo-merang wasn't homing in on your ecto-signature. You're not Danny!
:'''Dark Danny''': I was, but I grew out of it. The Danny you know is floating helplessly in the Ghost Zone ten years in the future.
:'''Jazz''': He'll escape! He'll beat you!
:'''Dark Danny''': How? Is the answer: A. the Fenton Portal? Destroyed it. B. the only remaining portal? The one that my idiot cheesehead archenemy has? As soon as I find it, that's going too.
:'''Jazz''': Cheesehead? Vlad Masters? ''He's'' your archenemy?
:'''Dark Danny''': ''[continues]'' Is it: C. you? No. You can't stop me from cheating on the C.A.T. and solidifying my future, so it must be D... ''[blasts Jazz away with a plasma blast]'' None of the above.
:''[Jazz faints; Dark Danny transforms into Danny, takes the C.A.T. answers form, and reads the answers. A smile lights up his face]''
:'''Dark Danny''': Well, what do you know? The answer to the first question ''is'' &quot;D&quot;! ''[evil laugh]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[after KOing future versions of his foes with a Ghostly Wail and detransforming]'' Whoa... ''[looks at them]'' My voice is changing... great, ''[transforms back]'' now I'm going through Evil Puberty. Everywhere I go my evil future is smacking me in the face! ''[hit on the back of the head with the Booo-merang]'' OWW!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Where is he? Where's our son?
:'''Maddie''': What have you done to our boy?!
:'''Dark Danny''': ''[laughing]'' Ha, ha, ha! I ''am'' your boy!
:'''Maddie''': ''What?!?''
:'''Dark Danny''': What kind of parents were you anyway? The world's leading ghost experts, and you couldn't even figure out that your own son was half-ghost!
:'''Jack''': ''[to Maddie]'' For the record, I blame you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dark Danny''': What makes you think you can change my past?
:'''Danny''': Because I promised my family!
:'''Dark Danny''': Aha ha, ha, ha! Oh, you are such a child! You promised?
:'''Danny''': Yes! I...PROMISED!
:''[Danny uses his Ghostly Wail on Dark Danny.]''
:'''Dark Danny''': Oh! That power! Oh, it's not possible! I don't get that power until ten years from now!
:'''Danny''': I guess... the future isn't as set in stone as you think it is. ''[roars again]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Observant 1''': He has the answers to the test.
:'''Observant 2''': He's clearly going to cheat.
:'''Observant 1''': He has your time medallion.
:'''Observant 2''': He has your time medallion.
:'''Clockwork''': You said that twice.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dark Danny''': ''[to Tucker and Sam]'' You know, if I had an ounce of humanity left in me, this would be a very touching little reunion, but of course I surrendered my human half a long time ago. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Future Vlad''': ''[telling how Dark Danny came into existence]'' If it's any consolation, they went so quickly. They felt no pain. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for you, Daniel. With nowhere else to go, you came to me, the only person on the planet who could possibly hope to understand your situation. All you wanted was to make the hurt go away. I honored your wishes... no more painful human emotions to drag you down. Sadly, that freed you up to rip the ghost out of me. And when my evil ghost half mixed with yours, my evil side overwhelmed you. 
:'''Danny''': What happened to my human self?
:'''Future Vlad''': Some things, my boy, are better left unsaid. If any good came out of this, it's that ten years without ghost powers gave me the chance to see what a fool I'd been. 
:'''Danny''': Maybe that's all anybody needs. A second chance.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dark Danny''': Your time is up, Danny. ''It's been up for '''ten years.'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Danny sits on the steps of Casper High; Jazz comes over to him]''
:'''Danny''': So how long have you known?
:'''Jazz''': About the test? For days, but I'm really proud of you for not cheating.
:'''Danny''': Not that. ''[Danny holds up Jazz's tattered note and torn piece of her headband]'' Your headband, your note with your handwriting.
:'''Jazz''': What that? ''[chuckles nervously and blushes]'' I didn't write that. And there must be dozens of headbands.
:'''Danny''': ''[looking unconvinced]'' Jazz...
:'''Jazz''': ''[sits down beside Danny]'' Since the Spectra thing. I didn't want to tell you until you wanted to tell me. It's your secret.
:'''Danny''': Well, it's our secret now.
:''[They hug]''
:'''Jazz''': Don't think this means I'll stop being meddling and overprotective.
:'''Danny''': I wouldn't have it any other way.

===''The Fright Before Christmas'' [2.10]===
:'''Lance Thunder''': ''[mumbling]'' &quot;Can't believe I quit acting to work in this place. 
:''[to newscaster]'' There's chaos here, Bill. ''[ghostly Christmas trees surround him; he panicks]'' Not the face! Not the face!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[to the ghosts]'' &quot;I'm trapped in this story. The guy's off his nut.&quot;
:'''Skulker''': &quot;He ought to know better.&quot;
:'''Box Ghost''': &quot;Let's go kick his butt!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Danny shoves an orange into Walker's mouth, hoping to end the ghost fight]''
:'''Ghost Writer''': ''[typing]'' Young Danny thought quickly and picked up an orange.
:He threw it at Walker who... ''[stops typing and thinks; angrily]'' Aw, crud! Nothing rhymes with orange!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Danny''': &quot;Roses are red; violets are blue.
:Once these fry, I'm guessing this lame poem is...! ''[Destroys the keyboard]'' Through.
:NO!!!&quot;
:'''Ghost Writer''': Danny screamed.
:'''Danny''': &quot;I'm ''still'' talking in rhyme!&quot;
:'''Ghost Writer''': I would have forewarned you, if given the time!
:There are two ways to finish this poem. Just two.
:I'd type out &quot;The End&quot;, but I can't, thanks to ''you!''
:So, now, ''you'll'' guide this story of the ghost who hates Christmas!
:Think you can do it? All mopey and listless?
:''[Gets thrown in the prison truck]'' You think this ends here? You’re about to get burned!
:This story's not done 'TIL THE LESSON IS LEARNED!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': And that's when I thought, maybe this is the moral –
:In the same way my folks love their old Christmas quarrel:
:Everyone celebrates in the way of their choosing.
:I was so busy whining, I started abusing
:The ones I loved most and I ruined their cheer.
:I'll try to be better come Christmas next year. 
:'''Sam''': Uh, nice sentiment, but what are you, a greeting card?
:'''Tucker''': Yeah. Why you talking in rhyme?
:'''Jazz''': Such a dork.
:'''Danny''': We're not talking in rhyme. ''[excited]'' We're not talking in rhyme!
:''[As Ghost Writer is shown in a prison cell, a bear-like creature scoots up to him. Ghost Writer tries to scurry away until he sees Walker in front of the bars, holding an orange]''
:'''Walker''': Orange?
:'''Ghost Writer''': ''[exclaims in fear]'' Get that thing away from me!

===''Secret Weapons'' [2.11]===
:''[the gang sees Skulker fly by]''
:'''Tucker''': Skulker?! He's hunting you ''again?!''
:'''Jazz''': ''Again?!'' As in more than once?
:'''Danny''': Jazz, take it easy. There's a rhythm to these things. Ghosts attack, we exchange witty banter, I kick ghost butt, and we all go home having learned a valuable lesson about honesty, or some such nonsense.
:'''Jazz''': ''[jotting down on a memo pad]'' Attack, banter, kick butt, lesson, got it. ''[beat]'' So, why is he not attacking?
:'''Danny''': What?! ''[Sees Skulker flying away]'' No attack? He's ignoring me?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Danny''': ''[watches Skulker tear through the lab equipment in the basement]'' And here I thought you weren't hunting me.
:'''Skulker''': Where is the Ecto-Converter?
:'''Danny''': See, that's more like it. You make demands, I ignore them.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jazz walks in the janitor closet holding her laptop with Danny's personal ghost files on it]''
:'''Danny''': Where did you get this?!
:'''Jazz''': From your computer.
:'''Danny''': You hacked into my personal ghost files?! And how did you get the password?!
:'''Sam, Tucker, and Jazz''': It's Paulina Fenton.
:'''Sam''': Seriously Danny, it's not that hard to figure it out.
:'''Jazz''': How come you never told me Vlad Masters has ghost powers? And he has a thing for Mom?!
:'''Danny''': Because it's none of your business! ''[while he closes the laptop  Jazz is holding]''
:'''Sam''': ''[sneaking out of the closet with Tucker]'' If you don't mind, we'll be over there, doing the &quot;glad I'm an only child&quot; dance.
:'''Jazz''': Danny, calm down!
:'''Danny''': Calm down? How can I calm down with you constantly butting your nose in where it doesn't belong?
:'''Jazz''': I was just trying to help...
:'''Danny''': NO ONE ASKED YOU TO HELP, Because you're a lousy ghost hunter, ''[while people are listening outside the closet]'' an overbearing sister, and an annoying, obnoxious know-it-all who has no respect for her brother's privacy&quot;, SO STOP HELPING! ''[they gasp and Jazz begins running crying out of the closet and the people then glare at Danny]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tucker''': Do you want us to talk to Jazz?
:'''Danny''': I'm perfectly capable of talking to my own sister!
:'''Sam''': ...Which is why you're hiding from her. In a broom closet.
:'''Danny''': No, I'm not!
:'''Jazz''': Danny, you in there?
:'''Danny''': Hide me! ''[jumps into a trash can]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jazz''': ''[crying at Vlad's doorstep]'' Oh... Uncle Vlad... ''[sniffs]'' I've run away from home. My father's an idiot, my brother hates me, and I wanna stay here with you. ''[sobs]''
:'''Vlad''': Wait, what was that?
:'''Jazz''': I've run away from home?
:'''Vlad''': N-no, after that.
:'''Jazz''': My brother hates me?
:'''Vlad''': No, in the middle!
:'''Jazz''': My father's an idiot?
:'''Vlad''': That's the one! Come to Uncle Vlad! ''[happily escorts her inside]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': We're gonna have to fight. But we're gonna need to make it look convincing. ''[Jazz punches Danny, sending him into the shield. He is shocked by the electricity and falls back to the ground]''
:'''Jazz''': That's for humiliating me in front of the whole school.
:'''Danny''': Alright, I deserve that and I'm sorry, you're just  trying to help, but please just follow my lead. ''[She punches Danny who gets electrocuted again then punches him repeatedly as he falls, but he phases her suit into the ground]''
:'''Danny''': Will you listen to me for once in your life?!

===''Flirting With Disaster'' [2.12]===
:'''Tucker''': ''[about his PDA]'' It's picking up Technus! Something in his new upgrade is making my PDA all wonky.
:'''Sam''': Like at the mall... And the lab... And the ferris wheel! He's pushing Danny and Valerie together! ''[Tucker laughs]'' ''[unimpressed]'' If you're done, we have to tell Danny.
:'''Tucker''': ''[giggling and speaking]'' You wanna tell Danny that Technus is playing matchmaker? How do you think he's gonna react to that?
:''[Scene changes to the next day with Danny laughing]''
:'''Sam''': ''[annoyed]'' Are you done yet?
:'''Danny''': No. ''[keeps laughing]'' Okay, ''now'' I'm done. You're trying to tell me that Technus is trying to hook me up? Come on! Technus ''hates'' emotions!
:'''Sam''': And hello? He's using yours against you.
:'''Tucker''': Dim lights, stalled ferris wheel - You think the universe ''wants'' you two to be together?
:''[Valerie is shown hiding in the bushes]''
:'''Danny''': Well, maybe, but... I don't know... ''I'' might.
:''[Sam and Valerie gasp]''
:'''Tucker''': Uh...really? Because Tech...
:'''Sam''': ''[sees Valerie hiding]'' Uh... ''Tech''nically because we just want you to be happy! If you like her we'll just have to make space for her at our table. ''[eye twitches]''
:'''Danny''': Speaking of Valerie I was suppose to meet her before class. ''[Danny walks away and Valerie shows up]''
:'''Valerie''': Did you mean that?
:'''Sam''': Um...uh...yeah, sure. If Danny likes you and you like Danny, the least we can do is give you a chance. ''[Valerie hugs Sam]'' Human contact...crushing Goth...indifference....

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Valerie proving that the one in the ghost hunting suit wasn't her]'' 
:'''Damon''': That could've been you!
:'''Valerie''': No, because it never was me.
:'''Damon''': I'm sorry I didn't believe you. You did do a good job protecting your friend. I guess I can let it go this time.
:'''Valerie''': You're only saying that because the suit's destroyed.
:'''Damon''': Bingo.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Danny! Word on the street has it that you've got a girlfriend! ''[to Sam and Tucker]'' Can you two leave so I can have a totally awkward &quot;father and son&quot;-chat?
:'''Sam and Tucker''': ''[run off]'' Gone and gone!
:''[Scene cuts to Jack and Danny eating Ice cream in the kitchen.]''
:'''Danny''': Does it have to be awkward?
:'''Jack''': Yep! I'm gonna give you some fatherly advice. Then I am going to say something that makes you cringe and run out of the room in embarrassment!
:'''Danny''': Check. Advice, first?
:'''Jack''': Alright... If you really like this girl, Danny, you should let her know and give her something... Like this! ''[puts a ring on the table]''
:'''Danny''': ''[surprised]'' A [[w:Class ring|class ring]]?
:'''Jack''': A girlfriend's not a girlfriend until you give her a class ring, Danny. It also says, &quot;I think you could be the girl I fight ghosts with&quot;! ''[beat]'' At least it did with your mom - I don't know how appropriate that is for you...
:'''Danny''': ''[laughs]'' You'd be surprised. I can give her this?
:'''Jack''': Only if she's special. I'm sure Sam'll love it!
:'''Danny''': ''[alarmed]'' It's not for Sam!
:'''Jack''': ''[laughs, unconvinced]'' Of course, it's not! You guys are just friends! ''[leans in slightly]'' I even had it engraved! ''[Danny looks at the ring, and sure enough, Sam's name is engraved on the inside]'' See, that was the ''embarrassing'' thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for pie! ''[holds up a pie, Danny walks off]'' Clueless...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[sees Valerie following Danny into the sky]'' Uh...Danny. Danny. Come in, stay alert. You have company.
:'''Danny''': Company? What kind of company?
:'''Sam''': It's your girlfriend.
:'''Danny''': She's not my girlfriend until I give her the ring.
:'''Tucker''': What is this? 1955?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[gives Danny the ring]'' Here you go.
:'''Tucker''': You sure about this?
:'''Danny''': Well, she said she'd give up ghost hunting. For me. Besides, I like her, and she likes me – isn't it supposed to be that simple?
:'''Sam and Tucker''': ''[shrugs]'' Clueless.
:'''Valerie''': ''[puts her hand on Danny's shoulder]'' Danny?
:'''Danny''': Wow. I-I'm glad you're here. I, uh wanted to ask you something.
:'''Valerie''': Actually, me first. ''[Sam and Tucker walk off]'' Danny, I've had a lot of fun these last few days, but my life's way too complicated right now for us to be anything other than... friends.
:'''Danny''': Just... friends? B-b-but I thought...
:'''Valerie''': I thought, too. But there's something important I have to do, and I don't want you to get hurt because of it. Besides, it's not like you were going to give me some lame class ring, right? ''[kisses him on the cheek]''
:'''Danny''': Ye-eah, right.
:''[Valerie leaves as Danny opens his hand holding the ring and looks at it. Valerie goes behind the corner of the school building, changes into her new suit, then looks back at Danny seeing how sad he looks. She gets a determined look on her and flies off. Danny sits down as Sam returns]''
:'''Danny''': ''[gives the ring to Sam]'' Can you hang on to this?
:'''Sam''': ''[tosses up the ring like a coin]'' Ah, clueless.

===''Micro Management'' [2.13]===
:'''Danny''': ''[after Dash asks where they should hide on Jack's indoor mini-golf course]'' Have you seen him play golf? The only safe place is the hole!
:''[Danny and Dash hurry into the hole, as golf balls whiz past them.]''
:'''Dash''': Man! Is everyone in this family bad at sports?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dash''': We did it! What do you think we just benched? Proportionally?
:'''Danny''': I don't know, dude. I'm not that good at math.
:'''Skulker''': And soon, you will not be that good at breathing either.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Skulker''': ''[getting pelted with giant potato chips]'' Lime and vinegar?! Who eats those?!

===''Beauty Marked'' [2.14]===
:'''Tucker''': What's wrong with beauty pageants?
:'''Sam''': Other than the fact that they turn girls into shallow doormats and boys into drooling idiots? ''Everything.''
:'''Tucker''': But it's got a ''swimsuit'' competition!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dora''': Our princess must appeal to the masses, so she shall be chosen by a common boy. Someone average and bland. ''[as she passes Dash, Kwan, and Mikey, respectively]'' Too popular... too athletic... too nerdy... ''[to Tucker]'' Too-
:'''Tucker''': Handsome? Smart? In-telligent?
:'''Dora''': Annoying.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Paulina''': ''[to Danny]'' I baked some cookies for you.
:'''Star''': I did your math homework.
:'''Danny''': Now, ladies. You can't influence the judge with cookies and - ''[sees the papers Star is holding]'' Whoa! Is this homework done all the way through next semester?
:'''Star''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Danny''': This pleases me. ''[Dash grabs him and holds him in the air]''
:'''Dash''': Hey, Fen-toid! It's only been two hours and I'm already tired of you hogging all the hotties! ''[Danny snaps his fingers, Paulina kicks Dash, making him drop Danny]'' Ow! Aah!
:'''Crowd of angry girls''': Get him! ''[Girls chase Dash away]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lancer''': ''[singing]'' A happy princess is sweet and pure, with hair of gold and teeth of white. Her soft complexion is pure perfection with never a pimple in sight. ''[stops singing]'' ''[points at girl behind him]'' Except for her!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Oh, Ms. Mattingly? I didn't hear you.
:'''Dora''': You'd be surprised how dainty your footsteps can be WHEN YOU DON'T WEAR COMBAT BOOTS!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Hi, my name's Sam Manson and my happy princess talent is... goth haiku. Despair without end! ''[whispers to Danny]'' Dora's a ghost! Utter blackness, nothingness. ''[whispers again]'' Dora's a ghost! ''[loudly]'' Dora is a ghost!
:'''Danny''': So that's your big statement? Dora's a ghost? I mean, what does that have to do with... wait, Dora is a ghost!

===''King Tuck'' [2.15]===
:'''Sam''': ''[with Tucker's campaign]'' You're just going about this the wrong way, Tucker.
:'''Danny''': Yeah, your campaign is all about victory through technology and the triumph of machine over man. It's kinda creepy.
:'''Sam''': So we changed your lame official campaign platform. ''[hands Tucker a list with the new ideas]''
:'''Tucker''': ''[reading]'' Graffiti art classes? Rage against the PTA meetings? Mini-skirt Fridays? Okay, that's good.
:'''Danny''': Yeah, that was mine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Paulina &amp; Star are served to scrub Pharaoh Tucker's feet]''
:'''Tucker''': Henceforth, all in the realm shall eat nothing but meat, and all citizens must wear red berrets. ''[to the girls]'' Including you, handmaidens.
:'''Star''': ''[whispering to Paulina]'' He's clearly under a spell.
:'''Paulina''': ''[seething to Star]'' I don't care if he's under some spell. He dies for this! ''[snapping at Tucker]'' Haven't you heard of nail clippers?!
:'''Anubis''': Any other edicts, my King?
:'''Tucker''': Yes. Mini skirt Fridays. It's a good idea whose time has come.
:'''Anubis''': What shall I do about these ridiculous laws?
:'''Hotep Ra''': Oh, implement them. Let the child have his moment of glory. Once the Sphinx is completed and I have the scepter, this realm shall be mine!

===''Masters Of All Time'' [2.16]===
:''[Jack and Maddie see Vlad, Sam, and Tucker's ecto-acne]''
:'''Maddie''': There's only one place that treats ecto-acne!
:'''Danny''': ''[hopefully]'' Please say hospital, please say hospital... ''[scene shifts to FentonWorks in quarantine, disappointed]'' Why didn't she just say hospital?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Maddie Masters''': You despicable, lying piece of...cheese! I've wasted the best years of my life with you!
:'''Vlad Masters''': Now, Maddie, I may be a lying piece of cheese, but I'm still your husband.
:'''Maddie Masters''': ''[grabs Vlad and lifts him up]'' Then consider ''this'' an annulment! ''[throws him into the Ghost Zone; ghosts begin to surround him]''
:'''Vlad''': Oh, hello. Did I mention how much I love ghosts? ''[ghosts close in on him, and he screams]'' No!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vlad''': I knew you'd come through, Daniel. All it took was the proper motivation. Of course, I'm still weak beyond measure, so... bygones?
:''[Danny grins mischievously at him, next scene shows Vlad screaming as Danny knocks him into the air]''
:'''Danny''': ''[casually]'' Bygones.

===''Kindred Spirits'' [2.17]===
:'''Danny''': ''[after Vlad attacks him numerous times]'' Aren't you at least gonna make some stupid crack about my father? Or a lame come-on about my mom?
:'''Vlad''': No, dear boy. &quot;Funny Joke Around Vlad&quot; isn't here today! ''[attacks him again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Danny''': You've been spying on me?! Okay, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You really are one seriously crazed-up fruitloop.
:'''Vlad''': A fruitloop would not have been able to make his first million with a series of invisible burglaries! A fruitloop would never have thought to overshadow enough millionaires to become one of the richest men on the planet! '''''I! AM! NOT! A! FRUIT! LOOP!''''' And I am not a villain.  All I ever wanted...was love.
: '''Danny''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, yeah, nothing loopy about that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Danny and Dani leave the destroyed cafeteria to chase the third ghost clone, leaving Sam and Tucker behind]''
:'''Both''': Three, two, one.
:'''Mr. Lancer''': ''[barges in and sees the ruined cafeteria]'' To Kill a Mockingbird, people! Who started this?
:''[Dash points at Sam and Tucker as they once again take the blame]''
:'''Both''': We'll get the mop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Lancer''': ''[unhappy, coming from the door of the cafeteria]'' Manson. Foley. Can you tell me why you're not still in the cafeteria?
:'''Tucker''': ''[referring to Danny]'' We have to help him!
:'''Sam''': ''[quickly faking an excuse to Mr. Lancer]'' Why are we not in the cafeteria? ''[pause]'' Um...Because we're meeting Danny, and totally ditching school.
:'''Tucker''': And there's nothing you can do about it...old man.
:'''Mr. Lancer''': ''[angry]'' Old man?! ''[Tucker and Sam start running away and Mr. Lancer tries to catch them]'' You two are in a world of trouble! ''[his hip cracks]'' Ow! My hip.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': ''[hears the phone ringing]'' Maddie can you get that phone please!
:'''Maddie''': I can't believe Danny, Tucker, and Sam are not at school!  ''[Maddie picks up the phone]'' Hello, Mr. Lancer.  ''[Maddie is shocked to hear about Tucker and Sam's behavior by Mr. Lancer]'' ''[gasp]'' They what?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': ''[angry and yelling]'' Sam! Tucker! Get out of that thing!
:'''Sam''': ''[shouting]'' What?! I couldn't hear you over the roar of the rockets! ''[leans back into the Specter Speeder; to Tucker]'' Could you activate the roar of the rockets please?! ''[Tucker activates the roar of the rockets and they drive out of the Fenton Household]''
:'''Jack''': ''[angry and yelling]'' You two kids are in a world of trouble!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jack, Maddie, and Mr. Lancer''': ''[to Danny, Sam and Tucker]'' '''YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!'''
:'''Jack''': Skipping school, stealing and wrecking the Specter Speeder!
:'''Mr. Lancer''': Calling me &quot;old man!&quot;
:'''Maddie''': Tucker, Sam, when I call your parents, you are going to be grounded... ''[Maddie pauses - she has been overshadowed by Dani]'' but there's no need to call their parents, really. Right?
:'''Everyone except Maddie''': What?!
:'''Mr. Lancer''': Just wait a minute! ''[Mr. Lancer pauses - he has also been overshadowed by Dani]'' No, she's right. I mean, you can always build a better and more cool version of your... ship thing. Right?
:'''Jack''': Hey, that's true! I'm gonna start building a cooler ship thing right now! ''[He runs to his lab. Everyone else looks at each other, confused.]''

===''Double Cross My Heart'' [2.18]===
:'''Skulker''': ''[having just captured a small ghost]'' The element of surprise, a hunter's best friend. ''[Is attacked by the Guys in White]'' And the hunted's worst enemy!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Lancer''': Ah... the perfect way to spend lunch; Shakespeare by the pool, and dry white toast!
:''[the pool explodes]''
:'''Mr. Lancer''': [[w:The Hunt for Red October|Hunt for Red October]]! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': Close... but I lost 'em!
:'''Operative O''': Guess again, kiddo!
:''[the Guys in White appear near him with guns blazing.]''
:'''Danny''': What's the matter with you two?! I'm not doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?!
:'''Operative K''': A prepubescent specter operating freely? Unacceptable!
:'''Danny''': Hey! I have totally hit puberty! ''[reaches into his shirt and pulls out a white chest hair]'' See?! That's totally a chest hair.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Danny''': ''[After being hunted by Guys In White]'' Could this week get any worse? ''[spots Sam and Gregor coming out of the mall]''
:'''Gregor''': Wait, Sam. There's something I must tell you right here and now.
:'''Sam''': Okay, what?
:'''Gregor''': You have little tiny strand of spaghetti hanging from your lip. Right here. ''[kisses Sam]''
:'''Danny''': Okay. Now, it's officially worse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Operative O''': ''[to Mr. Lancer]'' The Purpleback Gorilla research we traced goes back to an assignment YOU set back a while ago.
:'''Mr. Lancer''': And what makes you think I want to cooperate with the feds?
:'''Operative K''': Because ghosts pose a constant threat to your student body.
:'''Operative O''': And because we're with the government and have access to your tax records...
:'''Mr. Lancer''': What do you want to know and how fast do you want to know it? 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gregor''': Danny, I wish to talk to you. If you're done talking to yourself.
:'''Danny''': Uh... ha, oh uh, he... Sure Gregor. What's up?
:'''Gregor''': I am not blind. You do not like me...
:'''Danny''': Gregor, that's not...
:'''Gregor''': Eh, let me finish. You do not like me because you want to protect your friend Sam. And I respect this.
:'''Danny''': It's not just that.
:'''Gregor''': You like her more than just friends?
:'''Danny''': Well...
:'''Gregor''': You hesitate. Which means you're unsure. I am not, and I'm going to ask her out.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tucker''': Uh... am I interrupting something? Gregor? Dude? Hello! ''[Gregor furrows his brows as Tucker waves his hand in front of his face.]''
:'''Gregor''': ''[accent lost; to Tucker]'' Dude, Do you ever stop talking??! ''[frowns as Gregor continues his outburst.]'' Do you even know how obnoxious you are? With your stupid jokes and lame-o technology? Idiot! ''[to Sam]'' ...Uh, I mean... Psssh *resumes accent* Is nothing. Uh...*loses it again* Aw, darn it.
:'''Sam''': ''[realization]'' Wait a minute. You were faking it? The accent? and liking Tucker? Just to get on my good side?
:'''Gregor''': ''[normal accent]'' Ugh, I'm a guy. Hello! I mean, I really like you, but... ''[gestures to Tucker]'' Come on!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gregor''': This town is too crazy for me! I'm going back to Michigan! ''(removes his shades and runs off)''
:'''Tucker''': Don't you mean Hungary, Greg-or?
:'''Gregor''': ''[as running]'' My name is Elliott!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': ''[about Gregor]'' Ugh, he's not my boyfriend. I dumped him as soon as I found out you were right about him being a phony. Apparently, that is the only way a guy could like me.
:'''Tucker''': That's not true.
:'''Danny''': That's totally not true! There's a million reasons a boy could like you. I mean... you're smart, you're fun, you're cool, you're pretty- ''[stops abruptly after catching himself; Sam blushes]'' Why am I still talking? I am such a spaz. Still friends?
:'''Sam''': Pssh. The best.

===''Reality Trip'' [2.19–20]===
:'''Freakshow''': What do you want?
:'''Guy in White #1''': Your knowledge of ghostly items. Anything you care to tell us about this? ''[presses button revealing metal arm and the three reality gems]''
:'''Freakshow''': The Reality Gauntlet! Never heard of it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam''': Which reminds me, how did you convince ''my'' parents to let me spend an entire summer with ''your'' parents?
:''[Danny smiles and thinks back to scene with Sam's parents in their house; Danny overshadows Sam's mom]''
:'''Danny as Sam's mom''': You know, I think the Fentons are wonderful. I think we should let Sam take a cross-country trip with them!
:''[Danny moves and overshadows Sam's dad]''
:'''Danny as Sam's Dad''': And I agree with you. Let's never speak of this again.
:''[back to present]''
:'''Danny''': Uh, let's just say I finally got under their skin.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Paulina''':''[as Danny is shooting Lydia's tattoos away one by one]'' HE LOVES ME! He loves me not. HE LOVES ME! ''[she beams at him]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Danny and his friends are pulled into the locker room by Dash, Paulina, and others.]''
:'''Danny''': You're... helping me?
:'''Dash''': Well, duh! You've only been helping us for, like, ever!
:'''Paulina''': ''[kissing Danny on the cheek]'' &quot;Paulina Fenton.&quot; Hee, I finally wrapped my mind around it!
:'''Sam''': Okay, I'm feeling relieved and nauseated at the same time.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sam's dad''': ''[to Jack; after Danny's secret is revealed]'' YOU!
:'''Jack''': YOU! ''[Sam's dad &amp; Jack face off and start glaring at each other.]''
:'''Sam's dad''': We were watching &quot;Extreme Nanny Makeover&quot;, when we found out YOUR son was a ghost!
:'''Jack''': Why are you yelling at us?! YOUR spooky-yooky bat daughter HAS to be behind this!
:'''Tucker's dad''': ''[steps in]'' Now fellas, it's okay to point fingers as long as nobody's pointing them at my son.
:'''Maddie''': ''[exasperatedly]'' Okay! Maybe Danny IS the ghost boy. But it's not as though our ghost activities have ever put YOUR families in any danger!
:''[the ground begins to quake; Lydia's ghost tattoos come into the Fenton Works' kitchen and surround everyone; they glare at Jack.]''
:'''Jack''': ''[shrugs]'' Until now.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Danny turns the Fenton Rocket invisible]''
:'''Guy in White 1''': We've lost visual contact. Activate White Fang tracking device.
:'''Guy in White 2''': White Fang?
:'''Guy in White 1''': I don't name this stuff.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Danny, Sam, and Tucker arrive at Goth-apalooza, only to find the place overrun with ultra-cute decorations and teddy bears.]''
:'''Teddy Bears''': WE LOVE YOU!
:'''Sam''': Destroy them, Danny! Find the gem that did this AND TEAR THE STUFFING OUT OF EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!
:'''Danny''': Somehow, I don't think that'll be necessary... May I have the Gem of Form?
:'''Teddy Bears''': Say the magic word!
:'''Sam''': Die?
:'''Danny''': Please?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Freakshow''': Ladies and gentlemen! Freaks of all ages! May I direct your attention to the center ring! Where Danny Phantom, aka, Danny Fenton will attempt to rescue his friends and family from a ghastly doom of my own construction!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[the families of Danny, Sam, and Tucker are locked up in train cages]''
:'''Sam's dad''': ''[to Tucker's dad]'' This is Fenton's fault, pass it down.
:'''Tucker's dad''': ''[to Jack]'' This is Fenton's fault, pass it down.
:'''Jack''': ''[to Maddie]'' This is...''[realizes who he's talking about]'' '''HEY!''' Wait a minute!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Freakshow and Lydia have escaped the Guys in White.]''
:'''Freakshow''': What should we do with our newfound freedom? Dinner? Movie? Make myself ringmaster of all reality? ''[laughs hysterically]''

==External links==
* {{imdb name | id=0366005 | title=Danny Phantom}}

[[Category:Danny Phantom seasons]]
[[Category:Danny Phantom]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>67wp0u6lbke02lq9b18cmbofn7w3c78</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>M*A*S*H (season 1)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>203601</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951786</id>
      <parentid>3774196</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:36:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-20616-71</username>
        <id>3307618</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dear Dad, Again */</comment>
      <origin>3951786</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="22089" sha1="5o7cn0u8wq3meg8a4g7arjxgm6qfyg3" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons:''' [[M*A*S*H (season 1)|1]] [[M*A*S*H (season 2)|2]] [[M*A*S*H (season 3)|3]] [[M*A*S*H (season 4)|4]] [[M*A*S*H (season 5)|5]] [[M*A*S*H (season 6)|6]] [[M*A*S*H (season 7)|7]] [[M*A*S*H (season 8)|8]] [[M*A*S*H (season 9)|9]] [[M*A*S*H (season 10)|10]] [[M*A*S*H (season 11)|11]] | [[M*A*S*H (TV series)|Main]]
----
&lt;br&gt;
'''''[[w:M*A*S*H (TV series)|M*A*S*H]]''''' (1972-1983) was an American television series, airing on CBS, about a team of doctors and nurses stationed at a fictional U.S. Army hospital (unit number 4077) in Korea, during the Korean War in 1950-53. The series spanned 251 episodes and lasted almost four times as long as the war which served as its setting. The series was based on the 20th Century-Fox film ''[[MASH (film)|M*A*S*H]]'' (an acronym for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital), a big hit of 1970 which was based in turn on [[w:MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors|the book of the same name]].

===''M*A*S*H the Pilot''===
[first lines] [Trapper drives a golf ball, which sets off an explosion in the mine field.]
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Fore!
[Radar stops in mid-football practice to look out over the hills]
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Here they come!
:'''Spearchucker' Jones''': I don't hear nothin'.
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Wait for it.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': [writing to his father] You said I sounded a bit callous in my last letter Dad. Let me see if I can put things in a better way. At this particular Mobile Army Hospital, we are not concerned with the ultimate reconstruction of the patient.We care only about getting the kid out of here alive enough for someone else to put on the fine touches. We work fast and we're not dainty. We try to play par surgery on this course. Par is a live patient.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Everyone has just come out of a long OR session.]''
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Margaret Houlihan]]''': [angrily] You're dismissed.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Thanks, Mother. We've gotta get up early, anyway, and fix MacArthur's hernia.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Sorry, baby.
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Maragaret Houlihan]]''': Major to you!
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Sorry, Major baby.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': That's a woman all over.
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Best place for them to be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Hey, Ho-Jon, come here. I got a letter from Dean Lodge.
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Is that a good place to stay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Ya know we gotta do it someday. Throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the north and the south in here to a cocktail party... Last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': What does everybody want here? What do these people want more than anything else?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': To go home or to Tokyo, whichever comes first.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': What do they really want?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Sex!
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Ah!
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Except for those baseball perverts.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': You want to raffle off a nurse?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Is that what I said?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Frank Marion Burns|Frank Burns]]''': [spotting Hawkeye browsing through his personal shelf] What are you doing up there?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank.
:'''[[w:Frank Marion Burns|Frank Burns]]''': Since when are you two interested in the Bible?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[simultaneously]'' [[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]/ [[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]: Yes Sir?/ Radar.
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]''': Don't do that!
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Yes sir, you wanted to see me sir?
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]''': Yes, but let me say I want to see you before I see you.
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Yes sir, you wanted to see these? [pushing sheaf of papers to Henry]
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]''': How do you know that?
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': That's why you called me.
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]''': Oh yeah.
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': [reaching for different papers] You wanted me to take these sir?
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry Blake]]''': [absently] Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': [describing Lt. Dish] a girl with a face that doesn’t quit. A girl with so much body she should be continued on the next girl.
:'''Lt. Dish''': Hawkeye I'm trying to be faithful. How many times must I tell you I'm engaged?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I'm engaged too, think of me as a dress rehearsal.
:'''Lt. Dish''': A girl can only take so much.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Are we anywhere near that part yet?
:''[Margaret and Frank are watching Hawkeye and Maggie Dish through binoculars]''
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Margaret Houlihan]]''': Sickening!
:'''[[w:Frank Marion Burns|Frank Burns]]''': Animals!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank Burns]]''': Your conduct in there was not only unbecoming an officer, it was equally reprehensible as a medical man!
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel.
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Swords or pistols?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I was thinking specimen bottles at twenty paces.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[watching Henry Blake leave the 4077th by helicopter]''
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': What's this?
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Weekend passes for the raffle.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': When did he sign these?
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': When he thought he was ordering a ton of ice cream. Fudge ripple.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lt. Dish''': You still haven't told me how I get out of going away with the winner. Why do I have the funny feeling it's going to be you.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': You don't trust me?
:'''Lt. Dish''': Not since the last time I found you hiding in my sleeping bag.

===''To Market, To Market''===
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': I betcha don't know what kind of wood this is.
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': It's oak.
:'''Henry''': Nope - it's oak.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Hurry up, the truck will be here soon.
:''[Radar looks up as if he hears something and moves faster]''
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I think we just passed soon!

===''Requiem for a Lightweight''===
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': Whatever it is, even if the answer is &quot;yes,&quot; it's &quot;no.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Radar O'Reilly''': General Barker's fighter just pulled in, looks real big.
:'''&quot;Trapper&quot; John Mcintyre''': ''(Sounding scared)'' How big?
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': If he wanted to, he could be a platoon. Looks kinda mean.
:'''&quot;Trapper&quot; John Mcintyre''': Mean?
:'''Radar O'Reilly''':''[makes a face to show what he looks like]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''(Discussing Trapper's opponent)''
:'''Radar''': A guy told me that he was crossing the road, and this jeep came too close to him. He punched it.
:'''Trapper''': He punched a jeep?
:'''Radar''': He knocked it out.
:'''Trapper''': Hawkeye, this guy knocks out jeeps!
:'''Hawkeye''': Showboat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''(Hawkeye takes out a bottle)''
:'''Frank''': That's ether.
:'''Hawkeye''': A little louder Frank, the cook didn't hear you.

===''Chief Surgeon Who?''===
:'''General Barker''': What are you doing, Corporal?
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Doing, sir?
:'''Barker''': D-O-I-N-G! What are you doing?
:'''Radar''': I'm listening to you spell &quot;doing&quot;, sir.
:'''General Barker''': Doesn't anybody ever sleep in this outfit?!
:'''Radar''': Only on duty, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[in shorts, T-shirt, and robe]''
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''General Barker''': Nurse, is everyone in this outfit crazy?
:'''Nurse Ginger''': Everybody who's sane is, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Henry Blake''': Sir, Major Burns will probably continue to complain about the promotion.
:'''General Barker''': May I make a suggestion about Major Burns?
:'''Henry Blake''': Yes, sir.
:'''General Barker''': Give him a high colonic and send him on a ten-mile hike.
:'''Trapper''': With full pack.
:'''General Barker''': Good touch.

===''The Moose''===
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I'm gonna do something about this--I'm going to Henry.
:'''[[w:Spearchucker Jones|Spearchucker]]''': Henry? Our Henry?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': I thought you said you were going to do something about this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper''': ''[about the Swamp]'' Somebody sneaked in here and committed a neatness!

===''Yankee Doodle Doctor''===
:'''Hawkeye''': Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No &quot;saints in surgical garb&quot;. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending to a movie. But then again, no war is a movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[An army film unit is making a documentary at the camp.]''
:'''Frank''': ''[Reading from the film script]'' &quot;...from the strong, capable hands of a Yankee Doodle Doctor.&quot;
:'''[[w:Trapper Johnn McIntyre|Trapper]]''': ''[laughing]'' A Yankee Doodle --
:'''Hawkeye''': ''[singing]'' Stuck a feather in his nurse...
:'''Hawkeye and Trapper''': ...and called her macaroni!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[In the film, Hawkeye plays the &quot;Yankee Doodle Doctor&quot; as a Groucho Marx-esque type character, and Trapper as a [[Harpo Marx]]-esque character. The first scene shows Radar as a patient being unloaded from an ambulance.]''
:'''Nurse''': Doctor, can you give him a hand?
:'''Yankee Doodle Doctor''': I'd rather give you one!
:'''Radar''': Are you the Yankee Doodle Doctor?
:'''Yankee Doodle Doctor''': I certainly am!
:'''Trapper''': *HONK!*HONK!*
:''[Scene cuts to the Mess tent everyone watching the film with Hawkeye and Trapper laughing at people]''
:'''Radar''': Gosh, am I glad they brought me here!
:'''Yankee Doodle Doctor''': Wait a minute, have you got a reservation?
:'''Radar''': A reservation?!
:'''Yankee Doodle Doctor''': I'm afraid we're all booked up through New Years!
:'''Trapper''': *HONK!*
:'''Radar''': But, Doctor!
:'''Yankee Doodle Doctor''': I'm sorry, kid. You should've booked ahead. Come to think of it, you should've booked the rest of the body as well!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hawkeye''': Hold it (puts his ear to Radar's stomach) I think I just found my wristwatch. Either that or he's giving birth to an alarm clock.

===''Bananas, Crackers and Nuts''===
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I had a dream last night that I was asleep and I dreamed it while I was awake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': This is the army! No one can do the best they can!

===''Cowboy''===
:'''Radar''': Sir, you want to sign this?
:'''Blake''': I don't want to sign anything, you sign it! ''[Radar signs]''
:'''Radar''': Sir, would you sign that I signed?
:'''Blake''': ''[signs]'' I'll sign that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Does Henry have an enemy?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Doesn't sound like the work of a friend. I think we better keep an eye on him.
:'''Trapper''': Now?
:'''Hawkeye''': I don't think he's got a later.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper''': Come on, Frank! Outta the way!
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': You're not going anywhere in that, McIntyre. This jeep is the official property of the US Army in general and Col. Blake in particular and as such is to be used for the official duties thereof and nothing else.
:'''Trapper''': Frank, you're sucking around to become a hit and run case. Move!
:'''Frank''': Over my dead body.
:'''Trapper''': Great idea!

===''Henry, Please Come Home''===
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': They aren't gonna like this.
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': I didn't come here to be liked.
:'''Radar''': You certainly came to the right place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Do you mind if we swim through?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Frank''': I assure you, all goldbricking that went on here under Colonel Blake is going to stop. Under my command, life is going to be a different kettle of fish.
:'''Radar''': Are you sure you're in the right branch of the service, Sir?

===''I Hate A Mystery''===
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': I assume you've all read my notice concerning the recent crime wave.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': I would've read it, but the notice was stolen.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hawkeye''': You know, I never hit a woman.
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Burns]]''': You lay one finger on Margaret...
:'''Hawkeye''': I was talking about you, Frank.

===''Germ Warfare''===
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Ghouls? That's not a nice thing to call us vampires.

===''Dear Dad''===
:'''PA Announcement''': Attention, the following personnel have volunteered to go on a ten-mile fitness hike. ''[Silence]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''PA Announcement''': Due to the number of people bored last Sunday, next Sunday will be canceled.

===''Edwina''===
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Edwina, may I kiss you?
:'''Edwina''': Is your mouth insured?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hawkeye''': Did you want to say something, Henry, or were you just hoping for a free tonsillectomy?

===''Love Story''===
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': ''[referring to a book Hawkeye is holding]'' War AND Peace?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Well, Tolstoy was very flexible. He went either way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Anderson''': I'll tell you how I feel about ol' Johann Sebastian.
:'''Radar''': Now that's highly significant.
:'''Anderson''': I haven't said anything yet.
:'''Radar''': That's OK. I have confidence in you, Lieutenant.

===''Tuttle''===
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': ''[referring to Henry, after Frank and Margaret have asked to see him]'' I'm afraid he's doing some very important sleeping for the army right now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': ''[while Hawkeye is working on Tuttle's profile]'' You should write fiction.
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': You should read ''my'' file.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Following Tuttle's eulogy]''
:'''Trapper''': Great work. There wasn't a dry eye in the whole camp.
:'''Hawkeye''': Tuttle always brought out the best in me.
:'''Radar''': Hey, I just got one question. Where'd you guys get the dog-tags and the parachute?
:'''Trapper''': Oh, that was Major Murdock.
:'''Radar''': Who?
:'''Hawkeye''': Who's Major Murdock?
:'''Trapper''': You know. Tall, skinny fella. Tuttle's replacement.
:'''Hawkeye''': ''[realizing]'' Oh, yeah! I had breakfast with him this morning.

===''The Ringbanger''===
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Margaret]]''': You're drunk!
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': ''[slurring]'' That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Henry''': ''[drunk, holding a gun]'' Don't move, Korea, this is a stick-up.

===''Sometimes You Hear the Bullet''===
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Wendell, another word for &quot;gooks&quot; is &quot;people.&quot;

===''Dear Dad, Again''===
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': ''[thinking as he writes]'' I've never put much stock in ESP, but if it is possible for one person to read another person's mind, Radar has that ability. The little fink.
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': ''[walking past]'' Is that a nice thing to say?

----
:'''Trapper''': Fifty bucks.
:'''Hawkeye''': I left my pockets back in the Swamp!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': What a mess. Stomach, kidney, liver...
:'''Hawkeye''': What is that, an organ recital?

===''The Longjohn Flap''===
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': ''[to Henry]'' We're here to report a pair of missing Longjohns.
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': ''[also to Henry]'' Which we own and you are wearing.
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': Can you identify them?
:'''Trapper''': I've got a better idea. How about you identify them? ''[Trapper covers Henry's eyes]'' Without looking.
:'''Henry''': Well they're long...
:'''Hawkeye''': And they're johns... that's them all right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': ''[to Klinger]'' The next time I see you, I wanna see a shine on those high heels!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper''': ''[Upon seeing Frank in the longjohns.]'' Look at what the giant rodent has on his body.
:'''Hawkeye''': Suppurating pustules, if there's any justice. ''[to Frank]'' Where'd you get those longjohns!
:'''Frank''': Wouldn't you like to know!
:'''Hawkeye''': ''[picks up empty gas can and prepares to swing at Frank.]'' Those are ''mine'' you hermaphroditic weasel!
:'''Frank''': Possession is 9/10 of the law, Pierce. And I'm sleeping with a loaded baseball bat under my pillow, so don't try anything!
:'''Hawkeye''': If I didn't think it would keep you warm, Frank, I'd come over there and beat you to a pulp. Say your prayers, Frank, or the tooth fairy may come and knock out all your teeth!

===''The Army-Navy Game''===
:'''Colonel Hersh''': You got any stethoscopes there?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': ''[seeing Klinger in a suit]'' Don't I know your sister?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Col. Blake]]''': ''[coming outside looking for Radar, yelling]'' Radar?
:'''Hawkeye''': SHH!
:'''Col. Blake''': Who are you shushing?!? What are you doing out here in your stocking feet?!? You been at the still again, right?!?
:'''Hawkeye''': ''[whispering]'' I'm working on a bomb!
:'''Col. Blake''': What kind of a bomb?!?!
:'''Hawkeye''': ''[still whispering]'' An ''unexploded'' bomb!
:'''Col. Blake''': Oh! ''[whispering]'' THAT kind of bomb.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hawkeye''' (after Henry's first loud megaphone message): One more yell like that and you and I will have interchangeable parts!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper John''': Psst! Psst!
:'''Hawkeye''': You spring a leak?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper''': The CIA has their own ''bomb?''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Hawkeye''': (with a stethoscope to the bomb) The ticker's very faint. Not the bomb's, mine. The bomb is ticking away loud and clear.

===''Sticky Wicket''===
:''[during a poker game in the Swamp]''
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': Can't you guys do that somewhere else?
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Why don't you do what you're doing somewhere else?
:'''Hawkeye''': I'm not doing anything!
:'''Trapper''': Well, you can do that anywhere, can't you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Trapper''': ''[during a poker game]'' My last hand was more like a foot.

===''Major Fred C. Dobbs''===
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': I'll write you every day--faithfully.
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Margaret]]''': You promise?
:'''Frank''': Just like I do my wife.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': You know, Frank, as rough as it's been, I think I'll miss you.
:'''Frank''': Well it might not have come to this if you had had the backbone to maintain some discipline.
:'''Henry''': Well--so much for missing you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': ''(to Radar)'' One more word and I'll nail your tongue to your nose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
Henry is in a very bad temper because a temporary toot filling is causing him pain:
:'''Henry''': ''(to Hawkeye and Trapper)'' I'm gonna do more than that. ''(Storms out office door, and then right back in)'' What am I doing? This is my office. You guys, get out!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': ''(to Trapper)'' The three basic emotions are greed, fear, and greed. Frank Burns is crazy for money, he married for money, he became a doctor for money. If there was money in dying, he's thrown himself under a truck.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
After Frank tells Houlihan about gold in Korea which he heard from Hawkeye and Trapper John:
:'''[[w:Margaret Houlihan|Margaret]]''': (sispicious) I smell a rat… no, two rats.

===''Ceasefire''===
:'''General Clayton''': Henry, are you sitting down?
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': ''[stands up]'' No, sir.
:'''Clayton''': Maybe you better.
:'''Henry''': ''[sits down]'' Yes, sir.
:'''Hawkeye''': Is he giving you calisthenics over the phone?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Trapper John McIntyre|Trapper]]''': Call us if you need us.
:'''Hawkeye''': Yeah, but don't need us.

===''Showtime''===
:'''[[w:Frank Burns|Frank]]''': Are you going over my head?
:'''[[w:Hawkeye Pierce|Hawkeye]]''': No, just through the hole in it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Henry Blake|Henry]]''': It's bad enough that she's having a baby and I can't be there with her!
:'''[[w:Radar O'Reilly|Radar]]''': Well, at least you were there for the important part.

[[Category:M*A*S*H (TV series) seasons]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>A Corny Concerto</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3951753</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:10:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="2073" sha1="pfsii25mtagn9zxkprxbz822heqvlty" xml:space="preserve">[[File:A Corny Concerto (1943) Title Card.png|thumb|Title card.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:A Corny Concerto|A Corny Concerto]]''''' is a 1943 [[w:United States|American]] [[w:animated cartoon|animated]] collection of [[w:short film|two musical segments]] produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Leon Schlesinger Productions]] and distributed by [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]]  It was directed by [[w:Bob Clampett|Bob Clampett]], written by [[w:Frank Tashlin|Frank Tashlin]], animated by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and released as part of the ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' series on September 18, 1943. A parody of [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Disney]]'s 1940 feature ''[[Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]''.

== Elmer Fudd ==
* Gweetings music wovers, first we will hear a waltz witten by [[w:Johann Strauss I|Johann Stwauss]]. And as we hear the whythmic stwains of the haunting wefwain, wisten to the wippwing whythm of the woodwinds, as it wolls awound and awound, and it comes out here...
* Wasn't that wovely? And now will we hear, the beautifuw Bwue Danube.

==Dialogue==
:'''Porky Pig''': ''[holding up sign]'' I'm hunting that @!*@ rabbit!
:'''Dog''': ''[holding up sign]'' Ditto.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] as [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]
* Bob Clampett as Vocal effects

==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|0035754}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1943 animated films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:American animated short films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Children's animated musical short films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Spoof films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Package films|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Films set in Austria|Corny Concerto]]
[[Category:Films directed by Bob Clampett]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Transylvania 6-5000 (1963 film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>207353</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951657</id>
      <parentid>3950066</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:48:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="2588" sha1="cia91ajbh0rxf53aalww74fsqhtkxz0" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Transylvania 6-5000 (1963 film)|Transylvania 6-5000]]''''' ([[w:1963 in film|1963]]) is a ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated [[w:short film|short]] directed by [[Chuck Jones]] and starring [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]. It is notable as the last original Bugs Bunny short Jones made for [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Warner Bros. Cartoons]] before leaving for [[w:Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer|Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer]] to found his own studio, Sib Tower 12 Productions. It was his second-to-last cartoon at Warner Bros. before moving to MGM, and the second-to-last Warner cartoon in 1963.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and [[w:Maurice Noble|Maurice Noble]]. (co-director) Produced by [[w:David H. DePatie|David H. DePatie]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:John Dunn (animator)|John Dunn]].''

This cartoon was featured in [[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]], But, the ending where Bugs' ears changed to Bat wings was cut.

==Dialogue==
:''[Bugs arrives at the door of the castle of Count Bloodcount and rings the doorbell. Count Bloodcount answers the door]
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Sorry to disturb you, sir. I know it's late, but I seem to be off me course.
:'''Count Bloodcount''': No, no, it's never too late. Come in. ''[opens the door and lets Bugs in]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Yeah, well, you see, I just want to call me travel agency. They've routed me off me route.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Count Bloodcount''': I am a vampire.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Oh, yeah? Well, abacadabra, I'm an umpire. ''[suddenly is wearing umpire clothes]''
:'''Count Bloodcount''': Hocus-pocus, I'm a bat! ''[turns into a bat]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Okay. I'm a bat too! Abacadabra! ''[turns into a baseball bat]''
:'''Count Bloodcount''': ''[putting on glasses]'' You wouldn't hit a bat with glasses on, would you?
:''[Bat hits Count Bloodcount]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]
* Ben Frommer as [[w:Count Blood Count|Count Bloodcount]]
* [[w:Julie Bennett|Julie Bennett]] as Agatha and Emily the Two-headed Vulture

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1963 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films about vampires]]
[[Category:Films set in Transylvania]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:Films set in castles]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]</text>
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      <id>3951911</id>
      <parentid>3951657</parentid>
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      <text bytes="2594" sha1="fkuwc6b3kzcfjl0jjfqdxsnwkkd96wv" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Transylvania 6-5000 (1963 film)|Transylvania 6-5000]]''''' ([[w:1963 in film|1963]]) is a ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated [[w:short film|short]] directed by [[Chuck Jones]] and starring [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]. It is notable as the last original Bugs Bunny short Jones made for [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Warner Bros. Cartoons]] before leaving for [[w:Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer|Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer]] to found his own studio, Sib Tower 12 Productions. It was his second-to-last cartoon at Warner Bros. before moving to MGM, and the second-to-last Warner cartoon in 1963.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and [[w:Maurice Noble|Maurice Noble]]. (co-director) Produced by [[w:David H. DePatie|David H. DePatie]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:John Dunn (animator)|John Dunn]].''

This cartoon was featured in ''[[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]]'', but the ending where Bugs' ears changing into bat wings was cut.

==Dialogue==
:''[Bugs arrives at the door of the castle of Count Bloodcount and rings the doorbell. Count Bloodcount answers the door]
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Sorry to disturb you, sir. I know it's late, but I seem to be off me course.
:'''Count Bloodcount''': No, no, it's never too late. Come in. ''[opens the door and lets Bugs in]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Yeah, well, you see, I just want to call me travel agency. They've routed me off me route.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Count Bloodcount''': I am a vampire.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Oh, yeah? Well, abacadabra, I'm an umpire. ''[suddenly is wearing umpire clothes]''
:'''Count Bloodcount''': Hocus-pocus, I'm a bat! ''[turns into a bat]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Okay. I'm a bat too! Abacadabra! ''[turns into a baseball bat]''
:'''Count Bloodcount''': ''[putting on glasses]'' You wouldn't hit a bat with glasses on, would you?
:''[Bat hits Count Bloodcount]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]
* Ben Frommer as [[w:Count Blood Count|Count Bloodcount]]
* [[w:Julie Bennett|Julie Bennett]] as Agatha and Emily the Two-headed Vulture

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1963 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films about vampires]]
[[Category:Films set in Transylvania]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:Films set in castles]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Carrotblanca</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>207590</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951645</id>
      <parentid>3946654</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:07:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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'''''[[w:Carrotblanca|Carrotblanca]]''''' is a 1995 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' animated short film. The short is a spoof of the 1942 classic film ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]'', starring Warner Bros.' Looney Tunes characters. It was originally shown in theaters alongside ''[[The Amazing Panda Adventure]]'' (in North America) and ''[[The Pebble and the Penguin]]'' (internationally).
:''Directed by Douglas McCarthy. Produced by Timothy Cahill and Julie McNally. Story by	Timothy Cahill and Julie McNally.''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Of all the juice joints in all the towns in all the countries in all the worlds she picks this one.
:'''Daffy Duck''': I know what you mean. I had a girl once. She dumped me for a poodle supply salesman. ''[pours and drinks the carrot juice three times. Penelope enters]'' Hit the road, sister! ''[gets attacked by Penelope and gets thrown out]'' Whoa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penelope''': Bugs, I don't know if I can leave you again.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[imitates [[w:Humphrey Bogart|Humphrey Bogart]]]'' Listen, Kitty. If you don't go with him, you'll regret it. In this crazy world, the lives of three people don't amount to a...
:'''Sylvester''': Yeah, yeah. Hill o' greens, hill o' greens. We know. Gotta go, gotta go.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Greg Burson|Greg Burson]] - [[Bugs Bunny|Mr. Bugs]], [[w:Foghorn Leghorn|Foghorn Leghorn]], [[Pepé Le Pew|Captain Louis/Pepé Le Pew]] and Airport PA Announcer
* [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] - [[Daffy Duck|Sam Duck]] and [[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester Slazo]]
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] - [[w:Tweety|Tweety]] and The Crusher
* [[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]] - [[w:Yosemite Sam|the General]]
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] - [[w:Penelope Pussycat|Kitty Ketty]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0112638}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1995 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:World War II films]]
[[Category:Spoof films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Foghorn Leghorn cartoons]]
[[Category:Pepé Le Pew cartoons]]
[[Category:Penelope Pussycat cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Red Riding Hoodwinked</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>207595</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951687</id>
      <parentid>3923193</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:00:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="1572" sha1="bbkoz5p8n1xxx29lcu3ctftobygylz2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Red Riding Hoodwinked|Red Riding Hoodwinked]]''''' is a ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon animated short starring [[w:Tweety|Tweety]] and [[w:Sylvester (Looney Tunes)|Sylvester]]. Released on October 29, 1955, the cartoon is directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The voices are performed by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] and [[w:June Foray|June Foray]].

The cartoon was Warner Bros.' latest adaptation of the &quot;[[w:Little Red Riding Hood|Little Red Riding Hood]]&quot; children's story, with the [[w:The Big Bad Wolf in Popular Culture#Other Bad Wolves|Big Bad Wolf]] and [[w:Granny (Looney Tunes)|Granny]] playing their respective roles, with Tweety and Sylvester taking appropriate sides.

==Big Bad Wolf==
* Now-now listen pussy-cat, you're-you're muscling in on my racket!

==Dialogue==
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': G'bye miss... uh? ...Uh? What's that kid's name again?
:'''Sylvester''': ''[whispers]'' Red Riding Hood.
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': Yeah! G'bye... uh-Red Riding Hood?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red Riding Hood''': Eek! The Big Bad Wolf!
:'''Tweety''': Eek! The big bad puddy tat!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1955 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about wolves]]
[[Category:Films set in forests]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Martha Speaks (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>207974</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951871</id>
      <parentid>3949207</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:09:58Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="5577" sha1="k1cf3b501h985xucpj1a3ehi5ohdro9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Martha Speaks (TV series)|Martha Speaks]]''''' is a children's animated television series based on the [[w:Martha Speaks (book)|1992 children's book of the same name]] by Susan Meddaugh, and heavily associated (affiliated) with the children's television series ''[[Arthur (TV series)|Arthur]]''. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8.

==Season 1==
===Martha Speaks / Martha Gives Advice [1.01]===
:'''Entire family:''' Martha, be quiet!
:'''Martha:''' ''[gasps]'' What seems to be the problem?
:'''Danny:''' You talk too much!
:'''Mariella:''' You never stop jabbering!
:'''Helen:''' Sometimes I wish you never learned how to speak!
:''[Martha's feelings are crushed, and she slowly walks away.]''

===Martha Blah Blah / Skits Behaves [1.06]===
:'''Granny Flo:''' Bye-bye B, Sayounara S, too-dle-too T, adios A!

===Oh, Nooo! / Bye, Martha [1.10]===
:'''Martha:''' Quiet, baby Jake! This is history in the making! This guy singing could become an international superstar!
:'''Helen:''' Except, I don't think he's going to win.
:'''Martha:''' Well, he might if we called a number of times and voted for him.
:'''Mariella:''' We can't do that, Martha. It would be dishonest. We're only allowed to vote once. ''[beat]'' Commercial's on! Popcorn time!
:''[Mariella gets up to find popcorn]''
:'''Danny:''' ''[reads newspaper]'' Oh, no, it says here that Granny's alphabet soup is really taking a licking. No, it's an expression. Taking a licking means something isn't going well. It says here that Grandma Flo is really losing money.

===Martha in Charge / Truman and the Deep Blue Sea [1.13]===
:'''Alice:''' Could you please get your nose out of that book for one minute? What are you reading something so interesting anyway?
:'''Truman:''' The Odyssey: It's a about a hero who's lost at sea, and he has to overcome all sorts of obstacles before he can get home!
:'''Alice:''' Does he see any whales? Because that's what ''you're'' about to see!

===Martha Runs the Store [1.19]===
:''Danny blows up a balloon, puts icing on a cake, and nails a banner to the wall''&lt;br/&gt;
: '''Danny:''' ahh... you've got a nap for this, Daniel!
:''[the phone rings]''

===Helen's All Thumbs / Martha's Dirty Habit [1.30]===
:'''Television advertisement''': Do you have an irresistible craving that nothing will stop? ''[explains the definition of &quot;craving&quot;, Daniel peeks over]'' Maybe you crave the deep, rich ... perhaps you have a weakness, unstoppable urge for the thick chunky chocolate... ''[Daniel sweats and walks away]''
:'''Martha''': What about you?
:'''Danny''': Hey, I was just thinking ''[touches the cookie jar]'' it's pretty silly to stop digging all at once. What if you just went outside and dug a little?
:'''Martha''': Yeah, I know what you mean. :''[Daniel stops touching the jar of cookies]''
:'''Television advertisment''': Crunchy graham crackers, chocolate nougat, all in one irresistible bar! The crave bar! It's what you crave! Come on! Give in to the urge!

===Martha the Witness / Martha Takes a Stand [1.32]===
:'''Martha:''' This is a matter of principle!
: '''Danny:''' Principle? A principle is something you believe in very, very strongly, like being a good neighbor. But there is one principle I believe in above all others. A man has the right to not be bossed around by any of his pets!
:''[Mariella is reading a book]''
:'''Mariella:''' Good principle.

==Season 2==
===The Jakey Express / Martha Sled Dog [2.07]===
:''[Danny gets out the spare tire out of the car to the amusement of Helen]''
:'''Mariella:''' Isn't that a good idea?
:'''Danny:''' It would make a great sled!
:''[End of flashback]''
:'''Danny:''' Okay, it looks like I forgot to put the spare tire back in.

===Skits on Ice / Martha's Steamed! [2.11]===
:'''Danny:''' Helen!
:'''Helen:''' Yes, dad?
:'''Danny:''' ''[eating out of a tub of ice cream]'' Why won't T.D.'s dad let him put his shoes in the freezer anymore?
:'''Helen:''' Because his dad says they make the ice cream taste like feet.
:''[Danny starts becoming nauseous and throws up the ice cream in the sink while Helen walks away]''

==Season 4 ==
===Martha's Market / Bye Bye Burger Boy [4.10]===
:''[The car pulls up in the drive-thru area]''
:'''Danny:''' Good Evening, Stan!
:'''Stan:''' Howdy there! May I please take your order?
:'''Danny:''' We'll take 6 Burger Boy burgers, 3 large sweet potato fries, and one family style salad to go!

==Season 6==
===Martha's Holiday Surprise / We're Powerless [6.08]===
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''Martha, Helen, TD, and Truman''': Ready, set, go for gold! 
:''[They leave as Skits rolls over and run around the house]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

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    <title>Alien Resurrection</title>
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[[File:Alien_resurrection_logo.png|thumb|It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Alien Resurrection|Alien Resurrection]]''''' is a [[w:1997 in film|1997]] [[science fiction]] [[horror]] film; the fourth installment of the Alien franchise. Set 200 years after ''[[Alien 3]]'', Ripley's [[clone]] attempts to escape the USM ''Auriga'' alongside a crew of [[mercenaries]], evading an infestation of aliens while on a crash course with Earth.
:''Directed by [[w:Jean-Pierre Jeunet|Jean-Pierre Jeunet]]. Written by [[w:Joss Whedon|Joss Whedon]]''
{{center|'''It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.''' &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Ellen Ripley == 
[[File:Alien_Resurrection_02.jpg|thumb|My [[Mothers|mommy]] always said there were no [[monster]]s. No real ones. But there are.]]
* ''[voiceover]'' My [[Mothers|mommy]] always said there were no [[monster]]s. No real ones. But there are.
* Who do I fuck to get off this ship?

== Annalee Call ==
* He is breeding an alien species. More than dangerous. If those things get loose, it's gonna make the Lacerta Plague look like a fucking square dance!

== Johner ==
* Earth, man. What a shithole.

== Dr. Jonathan Gediman ==
* This time, there is no host. There are no eggs. There is only her womb and the creature inside. That is Ripley's gift to her: a human reproductive system! She is giving birth for you, Ripley, and now, she is ''perfect!''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Purvis''': ''[shouting]'' What's in-fucking-side me?!
:'''Dr. Wren''': A parasite! A foreign element.
:'''Ripley''': There's a monster in your chest. These guys hijacked your ship, and they sold your cryo tube to this... human. And he put an alien inside of you. It's a really nasty one. And in a few hours it's gonna burst through your ribcage, and you're gonna die. Any questions?
:'''Purvis''': Who are you?
:'''Ripley''': ''[smiles]'' I'm the monster's mother.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ripley''': ''[after discovering Call is a robot]'' You're a robot?
:'''Johner''': Son of a bitch! Our little Call's just full of surprises.
:'''Ripley''': I should have known. No human being is that humane.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wren''': ''[ecstatic]'' And the animal itself - wondrous! The potential? Unbelievable once we've tamed them.
:'''Ripley''': ''[laughs sarcastically]'' Roll over, play dead, heal.

== Taglines ==
* It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.

* We are not alone.

* Witness the resurrection.

* Pray you die first.

* Hell gives birth.

* It's already too late.

* Beyond salvation.

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
[[File:Lifeboat_(1944)_1.jpg|thumb|Two-hundred years after Fincher’s Alien³, some company has resuscitated Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as a human/alien hybrid that combines the best and worst attributes of the old model. The new and not-so-improved Ripley has the same touching mother instinct and sex drive of her predecessor, but she’s also considerably more jaded. Weaver gets to deliver one humdinger after another, evoking Tallulah Bankhead in a sci-fi version of [[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]] when she wails, “Who do I have to fuck to get off this boat?” ~ Ed Gonzalez]]
[[File:Diversity_of_fluorescent_patterns_and_colors_in_marine_fishes_-_journal.pone.0083259.g001.png|thumb|Working with some of the same actors and technicians from that film, Jeunet has also reteamed with cinematographer Darius Khondji. His visual style, grandly described in the press kit as “signature chiaroscuro lighting and muted colors,” in practice means that “Alien Resurrection” looks as if it were shot under the sickly [[w:Flourescent lamp|fluorescent lighting]] of a decrepit hospital emergency ward. ~ Kenneth Turan]]
* In the fourth film, Alien: Resurrection, we arrive at a world where moral values are erased. The only thing that matters for the characters in Jeunet's film is acquiring power over others. Set on a military research station, it's about a group of scientists who undo Ripley's death by cloning her so that they can extract the alien inside her. Their experiments include impregnating human test subjects with the creature, a singularly unhealthy procedure for the hapless civilians conscripted for that purpose. The scientists and their military taskmasters care about only one thing: having the alien's power. They speak about its beauty. Its purity. &lt;br&gt; Ironically, the only character who has a sense of human decency and compassion is an android (Winona Ryder).
** Tirdad Derakhshani, [https://www.inquirer.com/philly/entertainment/20120605__lsquo_Prometheus_rsquo__bound__Why_we_are_haunted_by_the_horror_of__lsquo_Alien_rsquo_.html Why we are haunted by the world of “Alien”], ''The Philadelphia Inquirer'', (June 5, 2012)

* To be blunt, the &quot;Alien&quot; movie franchise should have died along with its lead character, Lt. Ellen Ripley, in 1992's &quot;Alien3.&quot; &lt;br&gt; Instead, greed has struck again, as producers have drafted a hip director (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, of &quot;Delicatessen&quot; fame) and an even hipper writer (Joss Whedon, creator of TV's &quot;Buffy the Vampire Slayer&quot;) in hopes of reviving the film series. &lt;br&gt; But neither man has come up with anything particularly original and instead fall prey to dumb horror conventions with this splattery sequel, which actually gives &quot;[[Starship Troopers]]&quot; a run for its money in the gore department.
** [https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997)

* Whedon, whose &quot;[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer|Buffy]]&quot; TV scripts and whose dialogue for &quot;[[Toy Story]]&quot; evidenced some keen wit, shows none of it here, save for a couple of funny one-liners. &lt;br&gt; His characterizations are similarly stilted. None of the heroes is sympathetic, which makes it hard to care whether they survive the inevitable attacks (Ron Perlman, as a chauvinistic space pirate, is particularly irritating).
**[https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997)

* Jeunet — who is without his collaborator, French comic book artist Marc Caro — seems intent on conveying a weird, creepy atmosphere, but fails to keep the action moving, and he photographs things at perspectives that make it hard to see what's going on. &lt;br&gt; And without a strong director, the actors are all over the place. Dan Hedaya plays things for camp as the station commander, while Weaver is even colder here than she is in &quot;The Ice Storm.&quot;
** [https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997) 

* Of course in the latest chapter it's not the same old Ripley who reappears. The resurrection in the title refers to the cloning by which she is involuntarily brought back to life 200 years (or 4 years in Hollywood time) after she hurled herself into an inferno in ''Alien 3'' rather than let a ferocious monster gestating inside her live. The twist is that the reconstituted Ripley has strands of the alien species woven into her DNA, enhancing her powers and infusing her with a dark, sardonic ambivalence about clashing again with probably the slimiest monsters Hollywood ever devised, now vaguely her kin. &lt;br&gt; Ms. Weaver says it was the reinvention of the Ripley character -- this ''spirit of [[nihilism]],'' as she calls it -- that persuaded her to do a fourth ''Alien'' film after she had all but decided that three were enough.
** William McDonald, [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/07/movies/film-sigourney-weaver-eludes-the-image-police.html &quot;Sigourney Weaver Eludes the Image Police&quot;], ''New York Times'', (1997).

* Tiptoeing into weird Freudian areas and moments of grotesquerie new even to this series, &quot;Alien Resurrection,&quot; the fourth entry in Fox's almost 20-year-old franchise, is a generally cold, though sometimes wildly imaginative and surprisingly jokey, $70 million scarefest that may prove too mixed a meal to scare up monstrous business among mass auds. French helmer Jean-Pierre Jeunet — the more directorial half of the duo behind “[[w:Delicatessen(film)|Delicatessen]]” and “[[The City of Lost Children]]” — has breathed new life into the series on several fronts, and proves no slouch in delivering the action set pieces. But the movie is held back by a lack of emotional engagement at its center and a pottage of half-assimilated, European-flavored quirks. 
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/ “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* As a series of action set pieces, the movie is frequently gripping and always highly watchable. In one extended section — geographically reminiscent of “[[The Poseidon Adventure]]” with its underwater swim and vertical climb — there’s a real sense of claustrophobia as the beasties pursue their human lunch underwater, and the “[[Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger]]”-like demise of the final alien is a typically imaginative tour de force. &lt;br&gt; Editing by Jeunet regular Herve Schneid is especially tight (pic is the shortest of the quartet). Darius Khondji’s lensing, aided by the silver-added ENR printing process, emphasizes deep blacks and soft ochers, with flashes of electric blue supplying visual relief. Nigel Phelps’ production design crosses geometrical sets and clangy brute iron with the Victorian-industrialized look of Jeunet’s own “Lost Children.” Whedon’s script injects some of the rough, testosterone humor of “Aliens” into a story that tries to build on the cross-species subtext of “Alien3.” &lt;br&gt; However, when the movie strays into weirder territory — where, one feels, Jeunet’s heart really lies — there’s a growing feeling of inadequacy. Pic’s interest in Ripley’s split, half-human personality and her maternal bond with the Queen leads to some of the most intriguing — and cheesiest — stuff in the picture, but overall come off more as exotic inserts than fully assimilated sequences. Upside moments include the discovery of a horrific lab (straight out of “Lost Children”) and Ripley’s late-on “embrace” of her fearsome offspring; downside is a laughable Newborn that all but blows the pic’s finale. 
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/ “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* It’s almost as if the pic is afraid to enter the darkened rooms whose doors it keeps opening, though if it had, a truly original movie could have resulted. As it is, the finished film shows many signs of creative push and pull — Whedon’s original script was extensively changed during production — from unexplained ellipses in the plot’s early stages, through dialogue that is surprisingly jokey and unelevated (considering the themes at play), to a storyline that seems unwilling to stray far from the action. &lt;br&gt; In addition, the key relationship in the picture, between femmes Ripley and Call, has little chance to realize its potential and provide a badly needed emotional hook for the audience. In every respect, this is a cold movie that, even at the very end, fails to provide the sense of emotional release that the others in the series all managed to deliver.
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/  “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* Weaver, admittedly, is excellent in the latest Alien outing and remains probably the only credible female action lead. The film also puts an interesting twist on the steely bonds of motherhood and makes some rather obvious comments about the perils of genetic engineering (when will those dratted mad scientist types ever learn?). But about half-way through a film I desperately wanted to like, I found I had become bored. And that is the one crime against film-making I can-not forgive. &lt;br&gt; Here we were, once again, on a gloomy spaceship, with a rag-tag band of stock characters being picked off one by one by creatures that once were terrifying but now are mere caricatures. There are only so many times you can be scared by grasping claws dragging people through metal-grille floors, those tell-tale patches of slime (gasp, an alien was here!), those snapping, ratchet choppers embedding themselves in yet more flesh. How often are we supposed to cheer as the heroes narrowly escape, or the chief nasty gets sucked into the void? For most of the film, I was more scared of the sheer size of Sigourney (I'd give her a 9.5 on the buff-o-meter, compared to, say, a measly six or seven for Demi Moore in GI Jane) than her multi-toothed nemeses.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)

* From the instant those green-tinged posters were plastered about the winding corridors of MTR stations announcing the fourth instalment in the Alien series, each sighting sparked a flutter of excitement in my gut. Ever since those unforgettable scenes in the original film - the spidery creature erupting from the egg to force its deadly spore down an unsuspecting throat; the baby alien bursting through its victim's ribcage and scurrying slimily away with a malevolent shriek - I was hooked. &lt;br&gt; It was an irresistible combination of suspense, space - where no one can hear you scream - and artist H.R. Geiger's twisted vision of a monster which combined phallic imagery, insect savagery and a concept from the wilder shores of Freud's psychological armoury, vagina dentata (a deep-seated fear of female sexual organs armed with razor-sharp fangs). &lt;br&gt; The anticipation of Alien Resurrection, however, proved to be more thrilling than the event. Granted, we live in an age of cinematic cynicism, ruled by the multiplex and the multiple sequel. And I admit to having done my bit to contribute. If they keep churning them out until an 80-year-old Sigourney Weaver is blasting away at goo-oozing arthropods in Aliens 15, or a geriatric Mel Gibson is dislocating his shoulder in Lethal Weapon 22, I'll probably still be forking over my money to watch. Because art (and sequels) mirror life; occasional epiphanies, followed by frequent and generally doomed attempts to recapture them.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)
	
* The sheer contempt bred by familiarity has reduced what was, in its original incarnation, an intelligent, ground-breaking and thought-provoking film to a James Bond-style franchise. You pay your money and you know what you'll get and how you'll feel. Alienated.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)

* The much-maligned last part in the Alien quadrilogy should be approached as the comic-book actioner that it is (only Slate’s David Edelstein seemed to recognize the film’s ridiculous allure at the time of its release). Jean-Pierre Jeunet was brought on board by the suits at Fox to give Alien: Resurrection the look and feel of his overrated The City of Lost Children. That he did, but with a lot more laughs. Two-hundred years after Fincher’s Alien³, some company has resuscitated Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as a human/alien hybrid that combines the best and worst attributes of the old model. The new and not-so-improved Ripley has the same touching mother instinct and sex drive of her predecessor, but she’s also considerably more jaded. Weaver gets to deliver one humdinger after another, evoking Tallulah Bankhead in a sci-fi version of [[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]] when she wails, “Who do I have to fuck to get off this boat?” Not much has been written about the similarities between the film and Romero’s [[Day of the Dead]], but they’re impossible to ignore: the nature/nurture debate (Ripley versus the docile zombie Bud) and the ego of a military operation under attack. Of course, Alien: Resurrection is nowhere near as sophisticated and profound as Romero’s classic, but it’s still every bit as fun. As General Perez, Dan Hedaya spearheads a human retreat from the film’s military compound that’s remarkably orchestrated and ends with his goofy demise. If the film doesn’t bullshit around, the same can’t be said about Winona Ryder. As a closeted robot sent to destroy Ripley, the perpetually constipated actress declares at one point: “I can’t make critical mass.” How touching.
** Ed Gonzalez, [https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/alien-resurrection/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Slant'', (December 15, 2003)

* It's no secret, but if you've never seen the end of Alien³, look away now because here comes the spoiler - Ripley dies at the end of it. You can almost see her muttering &quot;Thank God&quot; under her breath as she falls back into a molten lead sea. But! Using her DNA, she's cloned and brought back to life, now with some rather scary alien attributes. Stick her in a ship full of aliens and off we run once again. 
** Almar Haflidason, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2003/12/08/alien_resurrecton_1997_dvd_review.shtml “Alien: Resurrection DVD (1997)”], ''BBC'', (12/08/2003)

* As Hollywood movies go, it's a reasonably involving divertissement about genetics and Philip K. Dick-borrowed themes exploring what it means to be human. It satisfactorily recycles the great surprises that made the first movie so powerful. And most significantly, it makes a big hoot of the whole business. &lt;br&gt; Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who co-directed the otherworldly &quot;Delicatessen&quot; and the Terry Gilliam-like &quot;The City of Lost Children,&quot; indulges his taste for dark, bizarre humor and surrealistic sets. And his vision gets the full-throttled boost of Darius Khondji, the brilliant cinematographer behind &quot;Seven&quot; and both Jeunet movies; and visual effects geniuses Tom Woodruff Jr. and Alec Gillis, who are responsible for the visual wonders in &quot;[[Death Becomes Her]],&quot; &quot;[[Jumanji]]&quot; and &quot;[[Starship Troopers (film)|Starship Troopers]].&quot; &lt;br&gt; &quot;In space,&quot; went the original &quot;Alien&quot; advertisement in 1979, &quot;no one can hear you scream.&quot; But in &quot;Alien Resurrection,&quot; that slogan has evolved: In space, no one can hear you laugh.
** Desson Howe, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/alienresurrectionhowe.htm],” 'Alien Resurrection': She Lives”], Washington Post, (November 28, 1997)

* Were you intent on making your mark on the Alien franchise?
:'''Jeunet''': I tried to include some [[humor]] because I don’t like scary movies – they’re not my cup of tea. It’s a bit of a paradox for Alien and sometimes the American audiences didn’t like that but I couldn’t avoid putting some humour in there.
:* Jean-Pierre Jeunet in [https://www.theskinny.co.uk/film/interviews/jean-pierre-jeunet-alien-resurrection-amelie &quot;Jean-Pierre Jeunet: &quot;It was easy to make Amélie&quot;&quot;] by Simon Bland, ''The Skinny'', (09 Mar 2016).

* What’s still jarring about ''Alien: Resurrection'' is its tone, which departs entirely from the other movies in the series. Perhaps meant as a reaction to the unremitting gloom of Alien 3, Resurrection is shot and acted like a black comedy. Dan Hedaya offers up one of the most scenery chewing performances in any Alien movie as General Perez, and when he’s finally silenced by an alien’s extending inner jaws, he expires with crossed eyes.
** Ryan Lambie, [http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/alien/16565/looking-back-at-jean-pierre-jeunet%E2%80%99s-alien-resurrection &quot;Looking back at Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Alien: Res-urrection&quot;], ''Den of Geek'', (Oct 28, 2010).

* The result is a brisk action comedy that functions like a sci-fi reworking of ''[[The Poseidon Adventure]]'', as the film’s survivors make their way across the damaged Auriga to the safety of the mercenaries’ ship. There are several set-pieces that are high on visual impact, but low on tension, including an underwater scene with swimming aliens, and sequence involving two characters dangling from a ladder. &lt;br&gt; If it wasn’t an Alien movie, Resurrection could easily be regarded as a piece of light, disposable genre entertainment. Its direction is sure-footed, and Darius (Seven) Khondji’s cinematography produces some occasionally beguiling images. &lt;br&gt; But taken as a fourth chapter in the Alien canon, Resurrection seems horribly out of place, its tone at odds with the other three films. That it’s entirely without shocks is forgivable. Neither ''[[Aliens (film)|aliens]]'' nor ''[[Alien 3]]'' replicated the palpable sense of horror present in the first film, but the lack of tension is a far greater problem.
** Ryan Lambie, [http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/alien/16565/looking-back-at-jean-pierre-jeunet%E2%80%99s-alien-resurrection &quot;Looking back at Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Alien: Res-urrection&quot;], ''Den of Geek'', (Oct 28, 2010).

* In the beginning, it was supposed to be Dan Hedaya who got sucked out into space. His character, General Martin Perez, was originally set to exit Alien: Resurrection in spectacularly bloody fashion – his entire body ejected, limb by limb, through a tennis ball-sized hole in the space ship, Auriga. &lt;br&gt; Effects company Amalgamated Dynamics, Inc, spent several weeks in 1996 solving the problem of having a body pulled apart realistically by the vacuum of space. Test footage released by ADI shows the painstaking process of researching and testing practical means of creating Hedaya’s death scene, which would have concluded with his character’s screaming head stripped of its skin until only a gaping skull remained. &lt;br&gt; The results were almost comically grotesque and almost mesmerising to watch – so mesmerising, in fact, that Alien: Resurrection director Jean-Pierre Jeunet eventually decided that such a violent demise was more fitting for his movie’s most formidably villain, the Newborn, and not a relatively minor character. And so it was that the process of designing and testing began once again – this time on the practicalities of having a giant alien’s stomach rip open and its guts spill out on the floor before its skull shatters into countless tiny pieces.
** Ryan Lambie, [https://www.denofgeek.com/movies/alien-resurrection-joss-whedons-original-endings/ “Alien: Resurrection – Joss Whedon’s Original Endings”], ''Den of Geek'', (November 26, 2019)

* 'I think that at least design-wise there have always been sexual and sensual overtones to the sets,' says Weaver. 'And I've always thought that the Alien is interested in other things than itself. I think it has other, sexual things in mind. But for Aliens: Resurrection, they've cut out a lot of the kinkier stuff, believe it or not. I'd still classify it as sensual, though. Jean-Pierre really understood the relationship Ripley has with the Alien. The French are great. You can't shock them.' Kicking off production in November 1996 and wrapping up last May, Aliens: Resurrection was a gruelling shoot, confesses Weaver. Particularly tough was an extended underwater sequence, in which the pirates and Ripley are pursued through the submerged kitchens by a phalanx of Aliens. The actors had to spend weeks submerged in a tank with no respirators or face masks. &lt;br&gt; 'It was the worst physical experience of my life,' says Ryder. 'You're in a tank that's filthy - the crew is in there for 17 hours a day and there was no coming out to go to the bathroom.' Weaver adds: 'It seemed to go on forever. It actually took a month. And I'm not brave. Ripley's brave. I can say that nothing exists of Sigourney Weaver in that scene at all.' 
** SCMP Reporter, [https://www.scmp.com/article/229773/sigourney-back-dead  “Sigourney back from the dead”], ''South China Morning Post'', (14 Feb 1997)

* Two hundred years after her suicide, Ellen Ripley's cloned by scientists intent on nurturing the alien foetus inside her. The new Ripley couldn't care less - she's dead already - but goes along for the ride when Call (Ryder) and a band of marooned space pirates fight the inevitable rearguard action. In outline, the resilient Alien movies may be little more than slasher movies in space, yet equipped with strong, imaginative directors, each has proved distinctive and surprisingly resonant. Jeunet, the series' supreme fantasist, plunges deep into the nightmarish genetic whirlpool concocted by screenwriter Joss Whedon. After an ominous, memorably ghoulish opening, however, the Frenchman can't disguise a lack of engagement with the action sequences. The laziest stuff is all linear, mechanical business, much of it concerning Ryder, inadequate in a role designed simply to guarantee the teenage male fan-base. With her deep-freeze intensity and sinewy self-sufficiency, Weaver needs no such back-up. Choking as she comes face to face with earlier, aborted clones, grappling with residual maternal feelings towards the monsters she spawned and contempt for the humans she's long since left behind, Ripley Mk II is a terrifyingly ambivalent millennial saviour, more frightening than a score of aliens.
** TCh, [https://www.timeout.com/movies/alien-resurrection “Alien Resurrection”], ''Time Out'', (10 September 2012)

* Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley looks pretty frisky for someone who killed herself to save humanity from the demon seed in her belly in Alien3. There is more to Ripley’s rise from the ashes than Weaver’s rise in salary from $33,000 for the first Alien to $11 million for Chapter 4. Credit the script by Joss Whedon (Toy Story) for making a joke of it. To the remark, “I thought you were dead,” Ripley replies, “I get that a lot.” You go, girl. In space, no one can hear you scream, “Hey, stupid, ever heard of DNA?” Ripley gets cloned just like the dinos of [[Jurassic Park]]. Better to ask: Is there life left in a franchise that began in 1979 with Ridley Scott’s Alien, expanded to James Cameron’s smash 1986 sequel, Aliens, and shrunk – in grosses, not daring – with David Fincher’s 1992 take on the aliens as an AIDS metaphor? You bet. &lt;br&gt; Alien Resurrection is juiced by the fresh thinking of visionary French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet and the teaming of Weaver’s Amazonian warrant officer, Ripley, with Winona Ryder’s diminutive space smuggler, Call. In a shit-can universe where human aggression handily beats out alien retaliation for gross-out depravity, these two female warriors can outsmart any freak of nature, be it man or beast.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* Weaver and Ryder have a ball playing yang and yin action figures with a common foe. &lt;br&gt; [[Science]] is that foe, as it is in Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children, the provocative French features Jeunet co-directed with Marc Caro. Like the scientist in the latter film who invades the dreams of children, Brad Dourif’s kinky Gediman – he licks the glass that separates him from an alien’s darting tongue – learns the hard way not to mess with Mother Nature.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* Alien Resurrection is sometimes glib and repetitive, but it stays worthy of its predecessors by staying close to its two battered heroines. There is more to understanding the bond between them than Johner’s supposition that “it must be a chick thing.” Ripley and Call are fighting for the same thing that Jeunet achieves in making movies: the chance to dream.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* The fourth film in a series that started with Ridley Scott’s widely appreciated 1979 original, the current “Alien” has devolved into something that’s strictly for hard-core horror junkies who can’t get enough of slime, gore and repulsion. &lt;br&gt; While progress in some areas of civilization is problematic, one thing that continues to go from strength to strength is the ability of special-effects technicians to up the ante for state-of-the-art revulsion. There’s an audience for this kind of stuff, as there was for public executions, and starry-eyed movie executives no doubt stand up and cheer when new levels of disgust are reached and surpassed.
** Kenneth Turan, [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-nov-26-ca-57719-story.html “She’s Alive! It’s Alive!”], ''Los Angeles Times'' (Nov. 26, 1997)

* The studio hero this time around is French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, whose fascination with highly stylized grotesquerie and pretentious dead-end weirdness was last on display in the unfortunate “City of Lost Children.” &lt;br&gt; Working with some of the same actors and technicians from that film, Jeunet has also re-teamed with cinematographer Darius Khondji. His visual style, grandly described in the press kit as “signature chiaroscuro lighting and muted colors,” in practice means that “Alien Resurrection” looks as if it were shot under the sickly fluorescent lighting of a decrepit hospital emergency ward. &lt;br&gt; One reason “Alien Resurrection” places so much emphasis on the stomach-turning is that only so much can be done with these films in terms of plot. In fact Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) neatly summarizes what’s to come when she says of the monster, “She’ll breed, you’ll die, everyone will die.”
** Kenneth Turan, [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-nov-26-ca-57719-story.html “She’s Alive! It’s Alive!”], ''Los Angeles Times'', (Nov. 26, 1997)

* French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, the cinematic visionary who (with partner Marc Caro) gave us Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children, brings an &quot;other&quot; Ripley to life, cloned, transformed, quietly cynical and possessed of inhuman strength. &lt;br&gt; Working from a tight, quirky script by Joss Whedon (Toy Story, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Jeunet makes this Alien into an extravaganza -- a movie narrated by its own look -- a deep, dark, sci-fi tableau in which the shadows around Ripley throb with malevolence.
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* Jeunet has marked Resurrection with his telltale signature of unsettling, even disgusting, spectacle: A close-up of an ear getting singed by a drop of alien acid; the deep-set, needy eyes of a freak hybrid; even an impossible traveling shot down the throat of a screaming human victim. &lt;br&gt; Standout sequences include an underwater chase that seems more dream than reality, a horrifying DNA-lab showdown and a truly awesome alien birth. &lt;br&gt; With members of his French production team at the controls of photography, editing and visual effects, Jeunet has given this film a haunting presence, like the scent of formaldehyde in a jar of caviar.
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* A series such as the Alien films, with hordes of fans worldwide and much acclaim under its belt, has a lot to live up to when a new sequel hits the collective retina. So, with the release of Alien Resurrection, the fourth chapter in the Ripley saga, audiences should be surprised by changes in the heroine we've come to know like a sister. 
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* Ms. Weaver says it was the reinvention of the Ripley character -- this ''spirit of [[nihilism]],'' as she calls it -- that persuaded her to do a fourth ''Alien'' film after she had all but decided that three were enough. &lt;br&gt; &quot;It seemed a challenge,&quot; she says. &quot;You know, we all feel that when things get too difficult we have a way out, that it's finally up to each of us, that we can exit. And I thought, how awful it would be to find yourself in a world where you had exited, with all sincerity, and they had brought you back against your will. I tried to go with that idea as far as I could.&quot;
** Sigourney Weaver in [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/07/movies/film-sigourney-weaver-eludes-the-image-police.html &quot;Sigourney Weaver Eludes the Image Police&quot;], by William McDonald, ''New York Times'', (1997).

* According to Den of Geek, Whedon's first draft of &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; has the Betty crash-landing in a forest, which becomes the setting for a fight between Ripley, Call, and the skull-faced human-Xenomorph hybrid, the Newborn. Ripley wields a grenade launcher and Call drives a flying harvester with threshing teeth. After that, Whedon rewrote the ending several times, with the final earthbound version shifting to a desert location. As he explained: &lt;br&gt; &quot;The first [version] was in the forest with the flying threshing machine. The second one was in a futuristic junkyard. The third one was in a maternity ward. And the fourth one was in the desert. Now at this point this had become about money, and I said, 'You know, the desert looks like Mars. That's not Earth; that's not going to give people that juice.' But I still wrote them the best ending I could that took place in the desert.&quot; &lt;br&gt; Whedon was dead set on an Earth finale because he felt, &quot;The reason people are here is we're going to do the thing we've never done; we're gonna go to Earth.&quot; However, the aforementioned budgetary concerns led to the abandonment of this and other ideas in the movie. What's left is a film that the screenwriter was unhappy with and that came in dead last in our ranking of the &quot;Alien&quot; movies.
** Joss Whedon as quoted by Joshua Meyer, [https://www.slashfilm.com/785115/why-joss-whedons-original-endings-for-alien-resurrection-never-made-the-cut/  “Why Joss Whedon's Original Endings For Alien: Resurrection Never Made The Cut”], ''Slashfilm'', (March 2, 2022)

* Uh...you know, it wasn’t a question of doing everything differently, although they changed the ending, it was mostly a matter of doing everything wrong. They said the lines...mostly...but they said them all wrong. And they cast it wrong. And they designed it wrong. And they scored it wrong. They did everything wrong that they could possibly do. There’s actually a fascinating lesson in filmmaking, because everything that they did reflects back to the script or looks like something from the script, and people assume that, if I hated it, then they’d changed the script...but it wasn’t so much that they’d changed the script; it’s that they just executed it in such a ghastly fashion as to render it almost unwatchable. 
** Joss Whedon  interviewed by Will Harris, [http://web.archive.org/web/20061111075942/http://www.bullz-eye.com/mguide/interviews/2005/joss_whedon.htm “Joss for a minute: A brief chat with Joss Whedon”], ''Bullz-eye.com'', (Interview date: 11/29/05 Posted: 12/16/05)

=== “‘Alien: Resurrection’ Is a Franchise High Point—Fight Me” (November 29, 2017) ===
&lt;small&gt; Frederick Blichert [https://www.vice.com/en/article/pa377y/alien-resurrection-is-a-franchise-high-pointfight-me  “‘Alien: Resurrection’ Is a Franchise High Point—Fight Me”], ''Vice'', (November 29, 2017) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:The_Sandow_Trocadero_Vaudevilles,_performing_arts_poster,_1894.jpg|thumb|It turns out Jeunet was Ryder’s idea, and he gives the film an eccentricity that may dull the horror a bit but gives Resurrection a really distinct style. At times, it feels like a vaudevillian [[theatre]] troupe putting on an Alien play, and I mean that in the best way. The actors playfully dive deep into their roles, and camp things up for a director who can appreciate the [[absurdity]] of it all.]]
* There are a few fun touches that superficially play on the original film. Call is part of a group of robots who rebelled and won back their freedom. It seems the top-down structure of Weyland-Yutani was so oppressive that even the previously obedient machines couldn’t stand it. And the military’s central computer now has a male voice and is referred to as “Father,” cementing the patriarchal role of those in power, in contrast to all the maternal imagery of Alien and the “Mother” console. &lt;br&gt; Ryder, who didn’t manage to use her 90s “it girl” rep to make Resurrection a hit, is one of the few people who actually remembers the film fondly, and is largely responsible for making it “kind of like a really cool art film,” as she described it in a 2013 interview with the Huffington Post, praising the direction of Jeunet, who was gaining fame for his offbeat French films and would eventually become an international star with Amélie. &lt;br&gt; It turns out Jeunet was Ryder’s idea, and he gives the film an eccentricity that may dull the horror a bit but gives Resurrection a really distinct style. At times, it feels like a vaudevillian theatre troupe putting on an Alien play, and I mean that in the best way. The actors playfully dive deep into their roles, and camp things up for a director who can appreciate the absurdity of it all.
* Then there’s Ripley herself, whose transformation has all the hallmarks of a Whedon heroine. Nearly every Whedon project seems to have a woman with special abilities given to her by one shadowy cabal of men or another. Inevitably, she rebels and takes back her autonomy with force. This happened with Buffy, it happens with River in Serenity, and it happens with Echo in his later series Dollhouse. Ripley’s rampage in Resurrection is textbook Whedon patriarchy smashing, but it’s also a fitting conclusion to her relationship with Weyland-Yutani. &lt;br&gt; The company is replaced by a galactic military, but it’s all part of the same consolidation of power. The aliens represent the line corporations, governments, and armies (are these three even distinct?) are willing to cross to achieve their own ends, so Ripley’s resistance is always essentially pitted against the same thing. In Resurrection, they accidentally empower her through the very process that was meant to use her up. By reducing her to the level of meat to be experimented on, she and the xenomorphs literally become one. Everything and everyone is just a plaything for those in power. &lt;br&gt; In one of the film’s most cathartic (and disturbing) scenes, Ripley torches a lab full of failed Ripley clones, one of which painfully begs her for death. One of Ripley’s new crewmates, played by the always scene-stealing Ron Perlman, doesn’t get why she’s so angry as to be wasting ammo. He chalks it up to being “a chick thing,” which is a fitting final note. The control over human bodies has always had gendered undertones in the Alien films. Ripley is a woman whose physical autonomy is always under threat, either from the aliens or from her patriarchal corporate overlords. Here, she takes back control more divisively than ever before.

=== &quot;Alien Resurrection” (November 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; [[Roger Ebert]], [https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/alien-resurrection-1997 &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot;], (November 26, 1997). &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Perpetual_Motion_by_Norman_Rockwell.jpg|thumb|Mankind wants them for their genes? I can think of a more valuable attribute: They're apparently able to generate biomass out of thin air. The baby born at the beginning of the film weighs maybe five pounds. In a few weeks the ship's cargo includes generous tons of aliens. What do they feed on? How do they fuel their growth and reproduction? It's no good saying they eat the ship's stores, because they thrive even on the second ship--and in previous movies have grown like crazy on desolate prison planets and in abandoned space stations. They're like [[w:perpetual motion|perpetual motion]] machines; they don't need input.]]
* Now here is &quot;Alien Resurrection.&quot; Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is still the heroine, even though 200 years have passed since &quot;Alien3.&quot; She has been cloned out of a drop of her own blood, and is being used as a broodmare: The movie opens with surgeons removing a baby alien from her womb. How the baby got in there is not fully explained, for which we should perhaps be grateful.
* The birth takes place on a vast space ship. The interstellar human government hopes to breed more aliens, and use them for--oh, developing vaccines, medicines, a gene pool, stuff like that. The aliens have a remarkable body chemistry. Ripley's genes are all-right, too: They allow her reconstituted form to retain all of her old memories, as if cookie dough could remember what a gingerbread man looked like. &lt;br&gt; Ripley is first on a giant government science ship, then on a tramp freighter run by a vagabond crew. The monsters are at first held inside glass cells, but of course they escape (their blood is a powerful solvent that can eat through the decks of the ship). The movie's a little vague about Ripley: Is she all human, or does she have a little alien mixed in? For a while we wonder which side she's on. She laughs at mankind's hopes of exploiting the creatures: &quot;She's a queen,&quot; she says of the new monster. &quot;She'll breed. You'll die.&quot; When the tramp freighter comes into play, we get a fresh crew, including Call (Winona Ryder), who has been flown all the way from Earth to provide appeal for the younger members of the audience. Ryder is a wonderful actress, one of the most gifted of her generation, but wrong for this movie. She lacks the heft and presence to stand alongside Ripley and the grizzled old space dogs played by Ron Perlman, Dominique Pinon, Dan Hedeya and Brad Dourif. She seems uncertain of her purpose in the movie, her speeches lack conviction, and when her secret is revealed, it raises more questions than it answers. Ryder pales in comparison with Jenette Goldstein, the muscular Marine who was the female sidekick in &quot;Aliens.&quot; Weaver, on the other hand, is splendid: Strong, weary, resourceful, grim. I would gladly see a fifth &quot;Alien&quot; movie if they created something for her to do, and dialog beyond the terse sound bites that play well in commercials. Ripley has some good scenes. She plays basketball with a crew man (Perlman) and slams him around. When she bleeds, her blood fizzes interestingly on the floor--as if it's not quite human. She can smell an alien presence. And be smelled: Her baby recognizes her mother and sticks out a tongue to lick her.
* Mankind wants them for their genes? I can think of a more valuable attribute: They're apparently able to generate biomass out of thin air. The baby born at the beginning of the film weighs maybe five pounds. In a few weeks the ship's cargo includes generous tons of aliens. What do they feed on? How do they fuel their growth and reproduction? It's no good saying they eat the ship's stores, because they thrive even on the second ship--and in previous movies have grown like crazy on desolate prison planets and in abandoned space stations. They're like [[w:perpetual motion|perpetual motion]] machines; they don't need input.
* The &quot;[[Alien (franchise)|Alien]]&quot; movies always have expert production design. &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; was directed by the French visionary Jean-Pierre Jeunet (&quot;City of Lost Children&quot;), who with his designers has placed it in what looks like a large, empty hangar filled with prefabricated steel warehouse parts. There is not a single shot in the movie to fill one with wonder--nothing like the abandoned planetary station in &quot;Aliens.&quot; Even the standard shots of vast spaceships, moving against a backdrop of stars, are murky here, and perfunctory.

=== “The Biggest Mistakes Alien Resurrection Made (&amp; How It Could Improve)” (Nov 27, 2020) ===
&lt;small&gt; Cathal Gunning, [https://screenrant.com/alien-resurrection-movie-biggest-mistakes-changes-fix-explained/ “The Biggest Mistakes Alien Resurrection Made (&amp; How It Could Improve)”], ''Screen Rant'', (Nov 27, 2020) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Chickenvane.jpg|thumb|Alien Resurrection’s lush visual [[w:Palette|palette]] is an immediately striking and evocative change of pace for the series. Each movie in the franchise had a unique visual style, whether it’s the burnt-orange and metallic grey post-apocalyptic look of Alien 3, the sleek steely blues of Aliens, or the grimy, black-green fetid darkness of the first installment. To be fair, Alien Resurrection made use of its large budget by creating a new, distinct Gothic-influenced green-tinged color palette for this installment. The only problem is that for anyone not accustomed to Jeunet’s highly stylized look, marrying the style he established in earlier releases [[Delicatessen (film)|Delicatessen]] and [[The City of Lost Children]] with the world of Alien is a tall order. The movie’s green [[w:Patina|patinas]] lend a sickly look to proceedings and, by the time it was released, the likes of [[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]], [[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]], and [[The Fifth Element]] had boasted similarly striking visual palettes without looking quite so garish. When a movie makes Tank Girl look less than garish, it’s cause for concern.]]
* There were plenty of problems that plagued the production of Alien Resurrection, but despite the movie’s convoluted set-up and knotty plot, its creation was not quite as strained as its predecessor Alien 3. Future Amelie director Jeunet thought that the franchise ended with Alien 3 and, like producer Walter Hill, he was skeptical about continuing the story, but the movie’s large budget tempted him to take on the job. The helmer hired visual effects specialist and future Catwoman director Pitof to work with him, which could, in retrospect, be read as an early indication that things were taking a bad turn. But the problems didn’t become clear until the movie’s secret weapon—the newborn Alien—was unveiled. &lt;br&gt; Like the Predalien in the later (underrated) Alien Vs Predator spin-off series, the Newborn Alien was intended to be a huge draw for Alien Resurrection, as the movie would be unveiling a new hybrid form of the title monster with a previously unseen creature design. The Alien Queen of James Cameron’s Aliens was one of the sequel’s best-loved additions to the franchise, so expectations were high. The Newborn Alien did not live up to them. Slimy, gangly, and hilariously human, the newborn was a laughable, giant-headed mess of overlong limbs and pot-bellied oddness. Originally intended to have human genitalia until the studio balked and Jeunet admitted that “even for a Frenchman it’s a bit much”, the Newborn was, nonetheless, a disaster even without its private parts appearing in the finished movie. An earlier design would have seen the creators model the monster’s appearance on Weaver herself, but this was abandoned for fear of resembling [[w:Species (film)|Species]]’ Sil. It’s a shame, as anything would have been an improvement on the prune-faced ghoul viewers were eventually left with.
* [A]t least part of Alien Resurrection’s failure to win over even existing fans of the franchise can be attributed to the movie’s failure to nail down a definite, specific tone. The movie is too quippy and action-oriented (thanks to screenwriter Joss Whedon’s contributions) to be as authentically scary as Ridley Scott’s critically acclaimed original movie. 1979’s Alien was pitched as a “haunted house movie in space” for good reason, as it begins dark and only grows more brutal throughout its duration. James Cameron’s sequel Aliens, meanwhile, is a less grim affair, with the cast well-armed and better prepared to take on the titular threat. In contrast, in Alien Resurrection, the characters never seem to be in mortal peril; they’re toughened mercenaries and scientists developing bio-weapons, neither of whom seem ill-equipped to take on a threat.
* Speaking of the movie’s darkness, Alien Resurrection’s lush visual palette is an immediately striking and evocative change of pace for the series. Each movie in the franchise had a unique visual style, whether it’s the burnt-orange and metallic grey post-apocalyptic look of Alien 3, the sleek steely blues of Aliens, or the grimy, black-green fetid darkness of the first installment. To be fair, Alien Resurrection made use of its large budget by creating a new, distinct Gothic-influenced green-tinged color palette for this installment. The only problem is that for anyone not accustomed to Jeunet’s highly stylized look, marrying the style he established in earlier releases Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children with the world of Alien is a tall order. The movie’s green patinas lend a sickly look to proceedings and, by the time it was released, the likes of [[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]], [[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]], and [[The Fifth Element]] had boasted similarly striking visual palettes without looking quite so garish. When a movie makes Tank Girl look less than garish, it’s cause for concern.

=== “FILM REVIEW; Ripley, Believe It or Not, Has a Secret, and It's Not Pretty” (Nov 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Janet Maslin, [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/11/26/movies/film-review-ripley-believe-it-or-not-has-a-secret-and-it-s-not-pretty.html “FILM REVIEW; Ripley, Believe It or Not, Has a Secret, and It's Not Pretty”], ''The New York Times'', (Nov 26, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:UN_transport_pictogram_-_8.svg|thumb|''Alien Resurrection,'' the fourth installment and the one that comes closest to suggesting there may be rain-slicked dark alleys in space, also offers the most buff and sexily insolent incarnation of the aliens' favorite antagonist, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. And this time it's personal: much of Ripley's new swagger comes from the fact that she now apparently has alien blood, or slime, or ooze, or whatever it is, coursing through her veins.]]
* Perhaps it counts as a compliment among those who appreciate the dripping, throbbing, drooling intensity of the ''Alien'' movies to say that the series' latest installment is its most freakish and macabre to date. But ''Alien Resurrection,'' the fourth installment and the one that comes closest to suggesting there may be rain-slicked dark alleys in space, also offers the most buff and sexily insolent incarnation of the aliens' favorite antagonist, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. And this time it's personal: much of Ripley's new swagger comes from the fact that she now apparently has alien blood, or slime, or ooze, or whatever it is, coursing through her veins.
* We know most of the aliens' tricks by now, even if ''Alien Resurrection'' gives them the chance to chase human prey through garbage-strewn waters and swish their tails like marauding raptors. They still invade human hosts and burst out horribly at inconvenient moments; they still enjoy some of the most stomach-turning breeding habits imaginable. The new wrinkle this time is that neo-Ripley finds herself strangely sympatico with these creatures, even to the point of experiencing maternal stirrings late in the story. A new queen alien has appropriated some of Ripley's re-productive system and can now produce live, skeletal, screeching, glop-covered offspring. Maybe that tells you more than you want to know.
* As directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, half of the duo behind ''Delicatessen'' and ''City of Lost Children,'' ''Alien Resurrection'' has an eerie grunge look (with cinematography by the inventive Da-rius Khondji) and a sometimes ghastly sideshow atmosphere. The characters this time, with a cast including Dan Hedaya, Brad Dourif and Ron Perlman, tend to be surly miscreants, and the story has more kinks. Winona Ryder wears Army boots as a crew member of the Betty, a small ship that docks with the Auriga to engage in illicit business and stays long enough to fight the evil beasts. Tauntingly flirtatious scenes between Ms. Ryder and Ms. Weaver give this film a sexual boldness that the others' action-adventure spirit lacked. &lt;br&gt; Fierce, beautiful and sardonic, Ms. Weaver makes an impressive linchpin for this series, even if she can't make it palatable for the faint of heart. When Mr. Jeunet's well-established taste for the grotesque yields an episode worthy of a circus sideshow, with hideously malformed creatures floating in glass containers and a grisly secret about Ripley's past ready to emerge, not even Ms. Weaver and her flamethrower can triumph over the sequence's extreme nastiness. 

=== “`Alien' All Guts, No Glory / Sequel looks great, if gory, but doesn't have much brains” (Nov. 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Peter Stack, [https://www.sfgate.com/movies/article/Alien-All-Guts-No-Glory-Sequel-looks-great-2793420.php “`Alien' All Guts, No Glory / Sequel looks great, if gory, but doesn't have much brains”], ''SF Gate'', (Nov. 26, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Alien_Resurrection_03.jpg|thumb|Jeunet blended darkness, heavy metal, repugnantly weird things in specimen vials, an underwater sequence, a feeling of paranoia and an almost determined lack of humanity. And he also brought two of his favorite actors: big Ron Perlman to be a jackbooted bad guy, and Dominique Pinon to get a few laughs as a pipsqueak.]]
* As movie spawns go, &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; is a clumsy, plodding child having a big hissy fit. The cluttered, surreal, claustrophobic sets and gooey alien creatures look intriguing, sometimes shocking. But the story tries so hard to be imaginative that it congeals and sinks like lead. &lt;br&gt; This film should be an amazing thrill ride, but it has the emotional impact of a bowling ball at rest. The scene that gets the biggest response is one showing just how hairy actor Dan Hedaya is (he plays a spaceship captain), and he's not even an alien. No doubt the intensely violent production, opening today in time to gross out Thanksgiving holiday moviegoers, will do stratospheric box-office business. But staying power is another question.
* As almost always with sequels, the &quot;Alien&quot; spawn have gotten dopier as they've gone along. Yet each has had the saving grace of a distinctive look. &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; is easily the most visually interesting of all. Credit it to French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who imported his surrealistic, horrific ideas direct from &quot;[[Delicatessen]]&quot; and the superb &quot;[[The City of Lost Children]].&quot; &lt;br&gt; Jeunet blended darkness, heavy metal, repugnantly weird things in specimen vials, an underwater sequence, a feeling of paranoia and an almost determined lack of humanity. And he also brought two of his favorite actors: big Ron Perlman to be a jackbooted bad guy, and Dominique Pinon to get a few laughs as a pipsqueak. &lt;br&gt; Winona Ryder is the biggest new attraction in the series. Her character, Call, is the only soft, humane creature within several light-years of the -- sprawling spaceship Auriga, where the action takes place. Eventually it is revealed that 12 hissing, hungry aliens, products of evil biology experiments, are headed toward Earth. &lt;br&gt; Ryder, arriving with a crew of smugglers, looks almost too doll- like to be hanging around the tough, cynical or maniacal types that populate the film's cavernous, clanking world. But her big button black eyes and that intense focus she has at just the right dramatic moment wind up providing the only dollop of humanity. And it's much needed.
* Sigourney Weaver, in this fourth in the &quot;Alien&quot; series, returns as Ripley, the tough heroine who has been dallying with the toothed aliens since 1979. &lt;br&gt; Weaver has weathered the experience much better than the films have. She's lithe and sexy in that no-nonsense action-hero way. About that much-discussed backward basketball shot she makes -- Weaver looks like the type who could pull it off.
* Meanness is big in &quot;Alien Resurrection.&quot; It's hard to remember a more coarse, obscenely violent movie. The &quot;fun&quot; starts right away with open-chest surgery shown in up-close, disgustingly graphic detail (with Brad Dourif as an icky doctor). The scene is the birth of a baby alien from under Ripley's ribs. Whoever said that surgery was the next pornography was right. &lt;br&gt; In the course of the film, viewers get treated to aliens feeding on guts, brains and heads, all shown in splatter-movie fashion. And there are constant references to predatory sex acts. That popular '90s phrase &quot;viewer discretion advised&quot; is definitely applicable.

=== &quot;All Things 'Alien'&quot; (November 9, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Sigourney Weaver and Winona Ryder in [http://articles.latimes.com/1997/nov/09/entertainment/ca-51876 &quot;All Things 'Alien'&quot;] by John Clark, ''L.A. Times'', (November 09, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
*'''Ryder''': When we were doing the underwater stuff, I was having complete anxiety attacks. We'd go underwater, and I was so scared. You reminded me to act. We'd go down with scuba stuff, but then they'd take it away from you.
:'''Weaver''': You'd take off your mask, take off your respirator and swim under this ceiling for about 30 feet, and you could not come up. And you couldn't see a thing. You basically had to keep going till you ran out of air and hope that your safety diver would come and get you. Float you down and in and out and then up.
:'''Q''': So relief wasn't immediate.
:'''Weaver''': No. If it had been, if you have in the back of your mind &quot;If I get in trouble, I can just come up for air,&quot; which [[w:Kevin Costner|Kevin Costner]] had [in &quot;[[w:Waterworld|Waterworld]]&quot;] but we didn't have because we're [[women]]. . . .
:'''Ryder''': Also you're wearing these weight belts to keep you down. I remember swimming up to one little opening and my weight belt was, like, I couldn't do it, and then I released the belt and I floated up, and right as I came up I was about to grab this thing and this grip goes, &quot;You probably don't want to touch that. You're going to get electrocuted.&quot; So it was this choice between drowning and getting electrocuted.
:'''Weaver''': If you were to grab something where we did finally come up, the set was covered with these needle-sharp protrusions, thousands of them everywhere. And I said, &quot;Why are we in this place where all these exposed needles are?&quot; and this guy says, &quot;I don't know. It's for the set design.&quot;

=== &quot;In Defence Of... Alien: Resurrection, the franchise's ugly duckling&quot; (19 February 2015) ===
&lt;small&gt; Joshua Winning, [http://www.digitalspy.com/movies/feature/a630047/in-defence-of-alien-resurrection-the-franchises-ugly-duckling/ &quot;In Defence Of... Alien: Resurrection, the franchise's ugly duckling&quot;], ''Digital Spy'', (19 February 2015). &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Barnum_Humbug.jpg|thumb|As with previous entries, Ripley's central to every one of A:R's greatest moments. &quot;I loved the evolution of the character,&quot; Weaver has said, and it's not hard to see why she signed on despite the infamously onerous Alien 3 production. She plays an intoxicating range, from snarky quips (&quot;I'm the monster's mother&quot;) and slam dunks (she put that basketball in the net for real), to the gut-punching moment she discovers Ripleys 1-7. That last encounter spectacularly drags the franchise into [[w:Freak show|freak show]] territory - you thought Ripley's life was a [[circus]] of [[horrors]] before? You ain't seen nothing yet.]]
* As with previous entries, Ripley's central to every one of A:R's greatest moments. &quot;I loved the evolution of the character,&quot; Weaver has said, and it's not hard to see why she signed on despite the infamously onerous Alien 3 production. She plays an intoxicating range, from snarky quips (&quot;I'm the monster's mother&quot;) and slam dunks (she put that basketball in the net for real), to the gut-punching moment she discovers Ripleys 1-7. That last encounter spectacularly drags the franchise into [[w:Freak show|freak show]] territory - you thought Ripley's life was a [[circus]] of [[horrors]] before? You ain't seen nothing yet.
* What really separates A:R from its predecessors is its morbid sense of humour. Positioning itself as a carnival of weirdness rather than an all-out scare-flick, it amps the gore up to Shakespearean levels and, most shockingly, a number of deaths are played entirely for laughs (see cross-eyed General Perez plucking out the contents of his skull). It's a brave move by French director Jean-Paul Jeunet. In stark contrast to David Fincher's experiences on Alien 3, Jeunet was given free rein to do whatever he wanted (within the $70m budget; the biggest of any of the Alien films), and while he kept most of Whedon's script intact, Jeunet's weird humour is all over Alien: Resurrection.–
* If Alien was sinewy like a xenomorph and Aliens was pumped-up like the Alien Queen, Alien: Resurrection is as grotesque and mesmerising as the newborn. Whedon may have hated it, but he's hardly the first writer to disown his work. (Besides, he went on to make Firefly, which features just about the exact same set of characters - Johner is now Jayne, with Reavers standing in for xenos and so forth). &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's kind of like a really cool art film,&quot; Winona Ryder recently surmised of Alien: Resurrection, and she's right. Like art, it's unapologetic and singular in its vision, and it's a shame that the enticing open ending never developed into an immediate sequel. It's also odd that Marvel man Whedon isn't a fan - while the previous Alien films were all sci-fi horrors, there's something distinctly comic-booky about Alien: Resurrection. Perhaps it was just a little ahead of its time.

=== “Serenity Now!” (August/September 2005) ===
[[File:Earth night.jpg|thumb|In the case of “Alien: Resurrection,” they decided to spend their money in other places than going to Earth. And I just kept saying, “The reason people are here is we’re going to do the thing we’ve never done; we’re gonna go to Earth.&quot;]]
&lt;small&gt; Joss Whedon interviewed by Jim Kozak [http://web.archive.org/web/20110615162238/http://www.natoonline.org/infocus/05augustseptember/whedonuncut.htm “Serenity Now!”] In Focus, (August/September 2005) &lt;/small&gt;
*'''Kozak''':  I thought your original screenplay for “Alien: Resurrection” was brilliant – with its epic final battle on Earth, for Earth – and vastly more engrossing than what ultimately made its way to the screen. I have to assume there were budgetary issues, because I can’t imagine another reason anyone would tinker with it. 
:'''Whedon''': Well, let me ask you something. This ending that took place on Earth. What happened in it? Where did it take place?
:'''Kozak''':  It took place in a forest … 
:'''Whedon''': Yes. Oh wow. That’s the first one. There were five. And it was always either “the director had a vision” or they had a budget issue. And as a script doctor I’ve been called in more than a few times, and the issue is always the same: “We want you to make the third act more exciting and cheaper.” And my response inevitably is, “The problem with the third act is the first two acts.” This response is never listened to. I usually walk away having gotten one or two jokes into a script and made some money and feeling like I am just bereft of life. It’s horrible. The exceptions were “[[Toy Story]]” and “[[Speed (film)|Speed]],” where they actually let me do something. &lt;br&gt; In the case of “Alien: Resurrection,” they decided to spend their money in other places than going to Earth. And I just kept saying, “The reason people are here is we’re going to do the thing we’ve never done; we’re gonna go to Earth.” But there were a lot of things that we hadn’t done that we ended up not doing because of a singular lack of vision.  &lt;br&gt; But rather than go into all of the reasons why “Alien: Resurrection” is disappointing to me, I will tell you that, yes, I wrote five endings. The first one was in the forest with the flying threshing machine. The second one was in a futuristic junkyard. The third one was in a maternity ward. &lt;br&gt; And the fourth one was in the desert. Now at this point this had become about money, and I said, “You know, the desert looks like Mars. That’s not Earth; that’s not going to give people that juice.” But I still wrote them the best ending I could that took place in the desert. And then finally they said, “Y’knowww, we just don’t think we need to go to Earth.” So I just gave them dialogue and stuff, but I don’t remember writing, “A withered, granny-lookin’ Pumkinhead-kinda-thing makes out with Ripley.” Pretty sure that stage direction never existed in any of my drafts.
*'''Whedon''': The history of “Alien: Resurrection” is fairly twisted also because I wrote a 30-page treatment for a different movie. They wanted to do a movie with a clone of Newt [the little girl from “Aliens”] as their heroine. Because I’d done some action movies and I’d done “Buffy,” they said, “Well, he can write teenage girls and he can write action, so let’s give him a shot.” The franchise was pretty much dead, and I wrote the treatment and they said, “This is really exciting. We want to get back in this business. But we want Ripley. So throw this out.” That one was probably my favorite; I think it was a better-structured story than the one I ultimately wrote.

== Cast ==
* [[Sigourney Weaver]] ~ Ellen Ripley Clone 8
* [[w:Winona Ryder|Winona Ryder]] ~ Annalee Call
* [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] ~ Johner
* [[w:Dan Hedaya|Dan Hedaya]] ~ General Martin Perez
* [[w:J.E. Freeman|J.E. Freeman]] ~ Dr. Mason Wren
* [[Brad Dourif]] ~ Dr. Jonathan Gediman
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] ~ Captain Frank Elgyn
* [[w:Raymond Cruz|Raymond Cruz]] ~ Vincent Distephano
* [[w:Leland Orser|Leland Orser]] ~ Larry Purvis
* [[w:Tom Woodruff Jr.|Tom Woodruff Jr.]] ~ Alien
* [[w:Kim Flowers|Kim Flowers]] ~ Sabra Hillard
* [[w:Gary Dourdan|Gary Dourdan]] ~ Christie

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:Alien (franchise)]]
[[Category:1997 films]]
[[Category:1997 American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Space adventure films]]
[[Category:Films about cloning]]
[[Category:Dystopian films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Joss Whedon]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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[[File:Alien_resurrection_logo.png|thumb|It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Alien Resurrection|Alien Resurrection]]''''' is a [[w:1997 in film|1997]] [[science fiction]] [[horror]] film; the fourth installment of the Alien franchise. Set 200 years after ''[[Alien 3]]'', Ripley's [[clone]] attempts to escape the USM ''Auriga'' alongside a crew of [[mercenaries]], evading an infestation of aliens while on a crash course with Earth.
:''Directed by [[w:Jean-Pierre Jeunet|Jean-Pierre Jeunet]]. Written by [[w:Joss Whedon|Joss Whedon]]''
{{center|'''It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.''' &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Ellen Ripley == 
[[File:Alien_Resurrection_02.jpg|thumb|My [[Mothers|mommy]] always said there were no [[monster]]s. No real ones. But there are.]]
* ''[voiceover]'' My [[Mothers|mommy]] always said there were no [[monster]]s. No real ones. But there are.
* Who do I fuck to get off this ship?

== Annalee Call ==
* He is breeding an alien species. More than dangerous. If those things get loose, it's gonna make the Lacerta Plague look like a fucking square dance!

== Captain Frank Elgyn ==
* ''[on Call]'' She is severely fuckable, ain't she? ''[chuckles]''

== Johner ==
* Earth, man. What a shithole.

== Dr. Jonathan Gediman ==
* This time, there is no host. There are no eggs. There is only her womb and the creature inside. That is Ripley's gift to her: a human reproductive system! She is giving birth for you, Ripley, and now, she is ''perfect!''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Purvis''': ''[shouting]'' What's in-fucking-side me?!
:'''Dr. Wren''': A parasite! A foreign element.
:'''Ripley''': There's a monster in your chest. These guys hijacked your ship, and they sold your cryo tube to this... human. And he put an alien inside of you. It's a really nasty one. And in a few hours it's gonna burst through your ribcage, and you're gonna die. Any questions?
:'''Purvis''': Who are you?
:'''Ripley''': ''[smiles]'' I'm the monster's mother.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ripley''': ''[after discovering Call is a robot]'' You're a robot?
:'''Johner''': Son of a bitch! Our little Call's just full of surprises.
:'''Ripley''': I should have known. No human being is that humane.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Wren''': ''[ecstatic]'' And the animal itself - wondrous! The potential? Unbelievable once we've tamed them.
:'''Ripley''': ''[laughs sarcastically]'' Roll over, play dead, heal.

== Taglines ==
* It's been more than 200 years...The beginning has just started.

* We are not alone.

* Witness the resurrection.

* Pray you die first.

* Hell gives birth.

* It's already too late.

* Beyond salvation.

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
[[File:Lifeboat_(1944)_1.jpg|thumb|Two-hundred years after Fincher’s Alien³, some company has resuscitated Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as a human/alien hybrid that combines the best and worst attributes of the old model. The new and not-so-improved Ripley has the same touching mother instinct and sex drive of her predecessor, but she’s also considerably more jaded. Weaver gets to deliver one humdinger after another, evoking Tallulah Bankhead in a sci-fi version of [[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]] when she wails, “Who do I have to fuck to get off this boat?” ~ Ed Gonzalez]]
[[File:Diversity_of_fluorescent_patterns_and_colors_in_marine_fishes_-_journal.pone.0083259.g001.png|thumb|Working with some of the same actors and technicians from that film, Jeunet has also reteamed with cinematographer Darius Khondji. His visual style, grandly described in the press kit as “signature chiaroscuro lighting and muted colors,” in practice means that “Alien Resurrection” looks as if it were shot under the sickly [[w:Flourescent lamp|fluorescent lighting]] of a decrepit hospital emergency ward. ~ Kenneth Turan]]
* In the fourth film, Alien: Resurrection, we arrive at a world where moral values are erased. The only thing that matters for the characters in Jeunet's film is acquiring power over others. Set on a military research station, it's about a group of scientists who undo Ripley's death by cloning her so that they can extract the alien inside her. Their experiments include impregnating human test subjects with the creature, a singularly unhealthy procedure for the hapless civilians conscripted for that purpose. The scientists and their military taskmasters care about only one thing: having the alien's power. They speak about its beauty. Its purity. &lt;br&gt; Ironically, the only character who has a sense of human decency and compassion is an android (Winona Ryder).
** Tirdad Derakhshani, [https://www.inquirer.com/philly/entertainment/20120605__lsquo_Prometheus_rsquo__bound__Why_we_are_haunted_by_the_horror_of__lsquo_Alien_rsquo_.html Why we are haunted by the world of “Alien”], ''The Philadelphia Inquirer'', (June 5, 2012)

* To be blunt, the &quot;Alien&quot; movie franchise should have died along with its lead character, Lt. Ellen Ripley, in 1992's &quot;Alien3.&quot; &lt;br&gt; Instead, greed has struck again, as producers have drafted a hip director (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, of &quot;Delicatessen&quot; fame) and an even hipper writer (Joss Whedon, creator of TV's &quot;Buffy the Vampire Slayer&quot;) in hopes of reviving the film series. &lt;br&gt; But neither man has come up with anything particularly original and instead fall prey to dumb horror conventions with this splattery sequel, which actually gives &quot;[[Starship Troopers]]&quot; a run for its money in the gore department.
** [https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997)

* Whedon, whose &quot;[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer|Buffy]]&quot; TV scripts and whose dialogue for &quot;[[Toy Story]]&quot; evidenced some keen wit, shows none of it here, save for a couple of funny one-liners. &lt;br&gt; His characterizations are similarly stilted. None of the heroes is sympathetic, which makes it hard to care whether they survive the inevitable attacks (Ron Perlman, as a chauvinistic space pirate, is particularly irritating).
**[https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997)

* Jeunet — who is without his collaborator, French comic book artist Marc Caro — seems intent on conveying a weird, creepy atmosphere, but fails to keep the action moving, and he photographs things at perspectives that make it hard to see what's going on. &lt;br&gt; And without a strong director, the actors are all over the place. Dan Hedaya plays things for camp as the station commander, while Weaver is even colder here than she is in &quot;The Ice Storm.&quot;
** [https://www.deseret.com/1997/11/26/20087012/film-review-alien-resurrection “Film review: Alien Resurrection”], ''Deseret News'', (Nov 26, 1997) 

* Of course in the latest chapter it's not the same old Ripley who reappears. The resurrection in the title refers to the cloning by which she is involuntarily brought back to life 200 years (or 4 years in Hollywood time) after she hurled herself into an inferno in ''Alien 3'' rather than let a ferocious monster gestating inside her live. The twist is that the reconstituted Ripley has strands of the alien species woven into her DNA, enhancing her powers and infusing her with a dark, sardonic ambivalence about clashing again with probably the slimiest monsters Hollywood ever devised, now vaguely her kin. &lt;br&gt; Ms. Weaver says it was the reinvention of the Ripley character -- this ''spirit of [[nihilism]],'' as she calls it -- that persuaded her to do a fourth ''Alien'' film after she had all but decided that three were enough.
** William McDonald, [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/07/movies/film-sigourney-weaver-eludes-the-image-police.html &quot;Sigourney Weaver Eludes the Image Police&quot;], ''New York Times'', (1997).

* Tiptoeing into weird Freudian areas and moments of grotesquerie new even to this series, &quot;Alien Resurrection,&quot; the fourth entry in Fox's almost 20-year-old franchise, is a generally cold, though sometimes wildly imaginative and surprisingly jokey, $70 million scarefest that may prove too mixed a meal to scare up monstrous business among mass auds. French helmer Jean-Pierre Jeunet — the more directorial half of the duo behind “[[w:Delicatessen(film)|Delicatessen]]” and “[[The City of Lost Children]]” — has breathed new life into the series on several fronts, and proves no slouch in delivering the action set pieces. But the movie is held back by a lack of emotional engagement at its center and a pottage of half-assimilated, European-flavored quirks. 
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/ “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* As a series of action set pieces, the movie is frequently gripping and always highly watchable. In one extended section — geographically reminiscent of “[[The Poseidon Adventure]]” with its underwater swim and vertical climb — there’s a real sense of claustrophobia as the beasties pursue their human lunch underwater, and the “[[Goldfinger (film)|Goldfinger]]”-like demise of the final alien is a typically imaginative tour de force. &lt;br&gt; Editing by Jeunet regular Herve Schneid is especially tight (pic is the shortest of the quartet). Darius Khondji’s lensing, aided by the silver-added ENR printing process, emphasizes deep blacks and soft ochers, with flashes of electric blue supplying visual relief. Nigel Phelps’ production design crosses geometrical sets and clangy brute iron with the Victorian-industrialized look of Jeunet’s own “Lost Children.” Whedon’s script injects some of the rough, testosterone humor of “Aliens” into a story that tries to build on the cross-species subtext of “Alien3.” &lt;br&gt; However, when the movie strays into weirder territory — where, one feels, Jeunet’s heart really lies — there’s a growing feeling of inadequacy. Pic’s interest in Ripley’s split, half-human personality and her maternal bond with the Queen leads to some of the most intriguing — and cheesiest — stuff in the picture, but overall come off more as exotic inserts than fully assimilated sequences. Upside moments include the discovery of a horrific lab (straight out of “Lost Children”) and Ripley’s late-on “embrace” of her fearsome offspring; downside is a laughable Newborn that all but blows the pic’s finale. 
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/ “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* It’s almost as if the pic is afraid to enter the darkened rooms whose doors it keeps opening, though if it had, a truly original movie could have resulted. As it is, the finished film shows many signs of creative push and pull — Whedon’s original script was extensively changed during production — from unexplained ellipses in the plot’s early stages, through dialogue that is surprisingly jokey and unelevated (considering the themes at play), to a storyline that seems unwilling to stray far from the action. &lt;br&gt; In addition, the key relationship in the picture, between femmes Ripley and Call, has little chance to realize its potential and provide a badly needed emotional hook for the audience. In every respect, this is a cold movie that, even at the very end, fails to provide the sense of emotional release that the others in the series all managed to deliver.
** Derek Elley, [https://variety.com/1997/film/reviews/alien-resurrection-111732354/  “Alien Resurrection”], ''Variety'', (Dec 4, 1997)

* Weaver, admittedly, is excellent in the latest Alien outing and remains probably the only credible female action lead. The film also puts an interesting twist on the steely bonds of motherhood and makes some rather obvious comments about the perils of genetic engineering (when will those dratted mad scientist types ever learn?). But about half-way through a film I desperately wanted to like, I found I had become bored. And that is the one crime against film-making I can-not forgive. &lt;br&gt; Here we were, once again, on a gloomy spaceship, with a rag-tag band of stock characters being picked off one by one by creatures that once were terrifying but now are mere caricatures. There are only so many times you can be scared by grasping claws dragging people through metal-grille floors, those tell-tale patches of slime (gasp, an alien was here!), those snapping, ratchet choppers embedding themselves in yet more flesh. How often are we supposed to cheer as the heroes narrowly escape, or the chief nasty gets sucked into the void? For most of the film, I was more scared of the sheer size of Sigourney (I'd give her a 9.5 on the buff-o-meter, compared to, say, a measly six or seven for Demi Moore in GI Jane) than her multi-toothed nemeses.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)

* From the instant those green-tinged posters were plastered about the winding corridors of MTR stations announcing the fourth instalment in the Alien series, each sighting sparked a flutter of excitement in my gut. Ever since those unforgettable scenes in the original film - the spidery creature erupting from the egg to force its deadly spore down an unsuspecting throat; the baby alien bursting through its victim's ribcage and scurrying slimily away with a malevolent shriek - I was hooked. &lt;br&gt; It was an irresistible combination of suspense, space - where no one can hear you scream - and artist H.R. Geiger's twisted vision of a monster which combined phallic imagery, insect savagery and a concept from the wilder shores of Freud's psychological armoury, vagina dentata (a deep-seated fear of female sexual organs armed with razor-sharp fangs). &lt;br&gt; The anticipation of Alien Resurrection, however, proved to be more thrilling than the event. Granted, we live in an age of cinematic cynicism, ruled by the multiplex and the multiple sequel. And I admit to having done my bit to contribute. If they keep churning them out until an 80-year-old Sigourney Weaver is blasting away at goo-oozing arthropods in Aliens 15, or a geriatric Mel Gibson is dislocating his shoulder in Lethal Weapon 22, I'll probably still be forking over my money to watch. Because art (and sequels) mirror life; occasional epiphanies, followed by frequent and generally doomed attempts to recapture them.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)
	
* The sheer contempt bred by familiarity has reduced what was, in its original incarnation, an intelligent, ground-breaking and thought-provoking film to a James Bond-style franchise. You pay your money and you know what you'll get and how you'll feel. Alienated.
** Jason Gagliardi, [https://www.scmp.com/article/232579/theres-nothing-worse-alien-resurrection “There's nothing worse than ... an alien resurrection”], ''South China Morning Post'', (8 Mar, 1998)

* The much-maligned last part in the Alien quadrilogy should be approached as the comic-book actioner that it is (only Slate’s David Edelstein seemed to recognize the film’s ridiculous allure at the time of its release). Jean-Pierre Jeunet was brought on board by the suits at Fox to give Alien: Resurrection the look and feel of his overrated The City of Lost Children. That he did, but with a lot more laughs. Two-hundred years after Fincher’s Alien³, some company has resuscitated Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as a human/alien hybrid that combines the best and worst attributes of the old model. The new and not-so-improved Ripley has the same touching mother instinct and sex drive of her predecessor, but she’s also considerably more jaded. Weaver gets to deliver one humdinger after another, evoking Tallulah Bankhead in a sci-fi version of [[Lifeboat (film)|Lifeboat]] when she wails, “Who do I have to fuck to get off this boat?” Not much has been written about the similarities between the film and Romero’s [[Day of the Dead]], but they’re impossible to ignore: the nature/nurture debate (Ripley versus the docile zombie Bud) and the ego of a military operation under attack. Of course, Alien: Resurrection is nowhere near as sophisticated and profound as Romero’s classic, but it’s still every bit as fun. As General Perez, Dan Hedaya spearheads a human retreat from the film’s military compound that’s remarkably orchestrated and ends with his goofy demise. If the film doesn’t bullshit around, the same can’t be said about Winona Ryder. As a closeted robot sent to destroy Ripley, the perpetually constipated actress declares at one point: “I can’t make critical mass.” How touching.
** Ed Gonzalez, [https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/alien-resurrection/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Slant'', (December 15, 2003)

* It's no secret, but if you've never seen the end of Alien³, look away now because here comes the spoiler - Ripley dies at the end of it. You can almost see her muttering &quot;Thank God&quot; under her breath as she falls back into a molten lead sea. But! Using her DNA, she's cloned and brought back to life, now with some rather scary alien attributes. Stick her in a ship full of aliens and off we run once again. 
** Almar Haflidason, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2003/12/08/alien_resurrecton_1997_dvd_review.shtml “Alien: Resurrection DVD (1997)”], ''BBC'', (12/08/2003)

* As Hollywood movies go, it's a reasonably involving divertissement about genetics and Philip K. Dick-borrowed themes exploring what it means to be human. It satisfactorily recycles the great surprises that made the first movie so powerful. And most significantly, it makes a big hoot of the whole business. &lt;br&gt; Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who co-directed the otherworldly &quot;Delicatessen&quot; and the Terry Gilliam-like &quot;The City of Lost Children,&quot; indulges his taste for dark, bizarre humor and surrealistic sets. And his vision gets the full-throttled boost of Darius Khondji, the brilliant cinematographer behind &quot;Seven&quot; and both Jeunet movies; and visual effects geniuses Tom Woodruff Jr. and Alec Gillis, who are responsible for the visual wonders in &quot;[[Death Becomes Her]],&quot; &quot;[[Jumanji]]&quot; and &quot;[[Starship Troopers (film)|Starship Troopers]].&quot; &lt;br&gt; &quot;In space,&quot; went the original &quot;Alien&quot; advertisement in 1979, &quot;no one can hear you scream.&quot; But in &quot;Alien Resurrection,&quot; that slogan has evolved: In space, no one can hear you laugh.
** Desson Howe, [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/longterm/movies/videos/alienresurrectionhowe.htm],” 'Alien Resurrection': She Lives”], Washington Post, (November 28, 1997)

* Were you intent on making your mark on the Alien franchise?
:'''Jeunet''': I tried to include some [[humor]] because I don’t like scary movies – they’re not my cup of tea. It’s a bit of a paradox for Alien and sometimes the American audiences didn’t like that but I couldn’t avoid putting some humour in there.
:* Jean-Pierre Jeunet in [https://www.theskinny.co.uk/film/interviews/jean-pierre-jeunet-alien-resurrection-amelie &quot;Jean-Pierre Jeunet: &quot;It was easy to make Amélie&quot;&quot;] by Simon Bland, ''The Skinny'', (09 Mar 2016).

* What’s still jarring about ''Alien: Resurrection'' is its tone, which departs entirely from the other movies in the series. Perhaps meant as a reaction to the unremitting gloom of Alien 3, Resurrection is shot and acted like a black comedy. Dan Hedaya offers up one of the most scenery chewing performances in any Alien movie as General Perez, and when he’s finally silenced by an alien’s extending inner jaws, he expires with crossed eyes.
** Ryan Lambie, [http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/alien/16565/looking-back-at-jean-pierre-jeunet%E2%80%99s-alien-resurrection &quot;Looking back at Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Alien: Res-urrection&quot;], ''Den of Geek'', (Oct 28, 2010).

* The result is a brisk action comedy that functions like a sci-fi reworking of ''[[The Poseidon Adventure]]'', as the film’s survivors make their way across the damaged Auriga to the safety of the mercenaries’ ship. There are several set-pieces that are high on visual impact, but low on tension, including an underwater scene with swimming aliens, and sequence involving two characters dangling from a ladder. &lt;br&gt; If it wasn’t an Alien movie, Resurrection could easily be regarded as a piece of light, disposable genre entertainment. Its direction is sure-footed, and Darius (Seven) Khondji’s cinematography produces some occasionally beguiling images. &lt;br&gt; But taken as a fourth chapter in the Alien canon, Resurrection seems horribly out of place, its tone at odds with the other three films. That it’s entirely without shocks is forgivable. Neither ''[[Aliens (film)|aliens]]'' nor ''[[Alien 3]]'' replicated the palpable sense of horror present in the first film, but the lack of tension is a far greater problem.
** Ryan Lambie, [http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/alien/16565/looking-back-at-jean-pierre-jeunet%E2%80%99s-alien-resurrection &quot;Looking back at Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Alien: Res-urrection&quot;], ''Den of Geek'', (Oct 28, 2010).

* In the beginning, it was supposed to be Dan Hedaya who got sucked out into space. His character, General Martin Perez, was originally set to exit Alien: Resurrection in spectacularly bloody fashion – his entire body ejected, limb by limb, through a tennis ball-sized hole in the space ship, Auriga. &lt;br&gt; Effects company Amalgamated Dynamics, Inc, spent several weeks in 1996 solving the problem of having a body pulled apart realistically by the vacuum of space. Test footage released by ADI shows the painstaking process of researching and testing practical means of creating Hedaya’s death scene, which would have concluded with his character’s screaming head stripped of its skin until only a gaping skull remained. &lt;br&gt; The results were almost comically grotesque and almost mesmerising to watch – so mesmerising, in fact, that Alien: Resurrection director Jean-Pierre Jeunet eventually decided that such a violent demise was more fitting for his movie’s most formidably villain, the Newborn, and not a relatively minor character. And so it was that the process of designing and testing began once again – this time on the practicalities of having a giant alien’s stomach rip open and its guts spill out on the floor before its skull shatters into countless tiny pieces.
** Ryan Lambie, [https://www.denofgeek.com/movies/alien-resurrection-joss-whedons-original-endings/ “Alien: Resurrection – Joss Whedon’s Original Endings”], ''Den of Geek'', (November 26, 2019)

* 'I think that at least design-wise there have always been sexual and sensual overtones to the sets,' says Weaver. 'And I've always thought that the Alien is interested in other things than itself. I think it has other, sexual things in mind. But for Aliens: Resurrection, they've cut out a lot of the kinkier stuff, believe it or not. I'd still classify it as sensual, though. Jean-Pierre really understood the relationship Ripley has with the Alien. The French are great. You can't shock them.' Kicking off production in November 1996 and wrapping up last May, Aliens: Resurrection was a gruelling shoot, confesses Weaver. Particularly tough was an extended underwater sequence, in which the pirates and Ripley are pursued through the submerged kitchens by a phalanx of Aliens. The actors had to spend weeks submerged in a tank with no respirators or face masks. &lt;br&gt; 'It was the worst physical experience of my life,' says Ryder. 'You're in a tank that's filthy - the crew is in there for 17 hours a day and there was no coming out to go to the bathroom.' Weaver adds: 'It seemed to go on forever. It actually took a month. And I'm not brave. Ripley's brave. I can say that nothing exists of Sigourney Weaver in that scene at all.' 
** SCMP Reporter, [https://www.scmp.com/article/229773/sigourney-back-dead  “Sigourney back from the dead”], ''South China Morning Post'', (14 Feb 1997)

* Two hundred years after her suicide, Ellen Ripley's cloned by scientists intent on nurturing the alien foetus inside her. The new Ripley couldn't care less - she's dead already - but goes along for the ride when Call (Ryder) and a band of marooned space pirates fight the inevitable rearguard action. In outline, the resilient Alien movies may be little more than slasher movies in space, yet equipped with strong, imaginative directors, each has proved distinctive and surprisingly resonant. Jeunet, the series' supreme fantasist, plunges deep into the nightmarish genetic whirlpool concocted by screenwriter Joss Whedon. After an ominous, memorably ghoulish opening, however, the Frenchman can't disguise a lack of engagement with the action sequences. The laziest stuff is all linear, mechanical business, much of it concerning Ryder, inadequate in a role designed simply to guarantee the teenage male fan-base. With her deep-freeze intensity and sinewy self-sufficiency, Weaver needs no such back-up. Choking as she comes face to face with earlier, aborted clones, grappling with residual maternal feelings towards the monsters she spawned and contempt for the humans she's long since left behind, Ripley Mk II is a terrifyingly ambivalent millennial saviour, more frightening than a score of aliens.
** TCh, [https://www.timeout.com/movies/alien-resurrection “Alien Resurrection”], ''Time Out'', (10 September 2012)

* Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley looks pretty frisky for someone who killed herself to save humanity from the demon seed in her belly in Alien3. There is more to Ripley’s rise from the ashes than Weaver’s rise in salary from $33,000 for the first Alien to $11 million for Chapter 4. Credit the script by Joss Whedon (Toy Story) for making a joke of it. To the remark, “I thought you were dead,” Ripley replies, “I get that a lot.” You go, girl. In space, no one can hear you scream, “Hey, stupid, ever heard of DNA?” Ripley gets cloned just like the dinos of [[Jurassic Park]]. Better to ask: Is there life left in a franchise that began in 1979 with Ridley Scott’s Alien, expanded to James Cameron’s smash 1986 sequel, Aliens, and shrunk – in grosses, not daring – with David Fincher’s 1992 take on the aliens as an AIDS metaphor? You bet. &lt;br&gt; Alien Resurrection is juiced by the fresh thinking of visionary French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet and the teaming of Weaver’s Amazonian warrant officer, Ripley, with Winona Ryder’s diminutive space smuggler, Call. In a shit-can universe where human aggression handily beats out alien retaliation for gross-out depravity, these two female warriors can outsmart any freak of nature, be it man or beast.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* Weaver and Ryder have a ball playing yang and yin action figures with a common foe. &lt;br&gt; [[Science]] is that foe, as it is in Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children, the provocative French features Jeunet co-directed with Marc Caro. Like the scientist in the latter film who invades the dreams of children, Brad Dourif’s kinky Gediman – he licks the glass that separates him from an alien’s darting tongue – learns the hard way not to mess with Mother Nature.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* Alien Resurrection is sometimes glib and repetitive, but it stays worthy of its predecessors by staying close to its two battered heroines. There is more to understanding the bond between them than Johner’s supposition that “it must be a chick thing.” Ripley and Call are fighting for the same thing that Jeunet achieves in making movies: the chance to dream.
** Peter Travers, [https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-reviews/alien-resurrection-247893/ “Alien: Resurrection”], ''Rolling Stone'', (November 26, 1997)

* The fourth film in a series that started with Ridley Scott’s widely appreciated 1979 original, the current “Alien” has devolved into something that’s strictly for hard-core horror junkies who can’t get enough of slime, gore and repulsion. &lt;br&gt; While progress in some areas of civilization is problematic, one thing that continues to go from strength to strength is the ability of special-effects technicians to up the ante for state-of-the-art revulsion. There’s an audience for this kind of stuff, as there was for public executions, and starry-eyed movie executives no doubt stand up and cheer when new levels of disgust are reached and surpassed.
** Kenneth Turan, [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-nov-26-ca-57719-story.html “She’s Alive! It’s Alive!”], ''Los Angeles Times'' (Nov. 26, 1997)

* The studio hero this time around is French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, whose fascination with highly stylized grotesquerie and pretentious dead-end weirdness was last on display in the unfortunate “City of Lost Children.” &lt;br&gt; Working with some of the same actors and technicians from that film, Jeunet has also re-teamed with cinematographer Darius Khondji. His visual style, grandly described in the press kit as “signature chiaroscuro lighting and muted colors,” in practice means that “Alien Resurrection” looks as if it were shot under the sickly fluorescent lighting of a decrepit hospital emergency ward. &lt;br&gt; One reason “Alien Resurrection” places so much emphasis on the stomach-turning is that only so much can be done with these films in terms of plot. In fact Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) neatly summarizes what’s to come when she says of the monster, “She’ll breed, you’ll die, everyone will die.”
** Kenneth Turan, [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-nov-26-ca-57719-story.html “She’s Alive! It’s Alive!”], ''Los Angeles Times'', (Nov. 26, 1997)

* French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, the cinematic visionary who (with partner Marc Caro) gave us Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children, brings an &quot;other&quot; Ripley to life, cloned, transformed, quietly cynical and possessed of inhuman strength. &lt;br&gt; Working from a tight, quirky script by Joss Whedon (Toy Story, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Jeunet makes this Alien into an extravaganza -- a movie narrated by its own look -- a deep, dark, sci-fi tableau in which the shadows around Ripley throb with malevolence.
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* Jeunet has marked Resurrection with his telltale signature of unsettling, even disgusting, spectacle: A close-up of an ear getting singed by a drop of alien acid; the deep-set, needy eyes of a freak hybrid; even an impossible traveling shot down the throat of a screaming human victim. &lt;br&gt; Standout sequences include an underwater chase that seems more dream than reality, a horrifying DNA-lab showdown and a truly awesome alien birth. &lt;br&gt; With members of his French production team at the controls of photography, editing and visual effects, Jeunet has given this film a haunting presence, like the scent of formaldehyde in a jar of caviar.
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* A series such as the Alien films, with hordes of fans worldwide and much acclaim under its belt, has a lot to live up to when a new sequel hits the collective retina. So, with the release of Alien Resurrection, the fourth chapter in the Ripley saga, audiences should be surprised by changes in the heroine we've come to know like a sister. 
** George Tysh, [https://www.metrotimes.com/detroit/alien-resurrection/Content?oid=2281307 “Alien Resurrection”], ''Detroit Metro Times'', (November 26, 1997)

* Ms. Weaver says it was the reinvention of the Ripley character -- this ''spirit of [[nihilism]],'' as she calls it -- that persuaded her to do a fourth ''Alien'' film after she had all but decided that three were enough. &lt;br&gt; &quot;It seemed a challenge,&quot; she says. &quot;You know, we all feel that when things get too difficult we have a way out, that it's finally up to each of us, that we can exit. And I thought, how awful it would be to find yourself in a world where you had exited, with all sincerity, and they had brought you back against your will. I tried to go with that idea as far as I could.&quot;
** Sigourney Weaver in [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/12/07/movies/film-sigourney-weaver-eludes-the-image-police.html &quot;Sigourney Weaver Eludes the Image Police&quot;], by William McDonald, ''New York Times'', (1997).

* According to Den of Geek, Whedon's first draft of &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; has the Betty crash-landing in a forest, which becomes the setting for a fight between Ripley, Call, and the skull-faced human-Xenomorph hybrid, the Newborn. Ripley wields a grenade launcher and Call drives a flying harvester with threshing teeth. After that, Whedon rewrote the ending several times, with the final earthbound version shifting to a desert location. As he explained: &lt;br&gt; &quot;The first [version] was in the forest with the flying threshing machine. The second one was in a futuristic junkyard. The third one was in a maternity ward. And the fourth one was in the desert. Now at this point this had become about money, and I said, 'You know, the desert looks like Mars. That's not Earth; that's not going to give people that juice.' But I still wrote them the best ending I could that took place in the desert.&quot; &lt;br&gt; Whedon was dead set on an Earth finale because he felt, &quot;The reason people are here is we're going to do the thing we've never done; we're gonna go to Earth.&quot; However, the aforementioned budgetary concerns led to the abandonment of this and other ideas in the movie. What's left is a film that the screenwriter was unhappy with and that came in dead last in our ranking of the &quot;Alien&quot; movies.
** Joss Whedon as quoted by Joshua Meyer, [https://www.slashfilm.com/785115/why-joss-whedons-original-endings-for-alien-resurrection-never-made-the-cut/  “Why Joss Whedon's Original Endings For Alien: Resurrection Never Made The Cut”], ''Slashfilm'', (March 2, 2022)

* Uh...you know, it wasn’t a question of doing everything differently, although they changed the ending, it was mostly a matter of doing everything wrong. They said the lines...mostly...but they said them all wrong. And they cast it wrong. And they designed it wrong. And they scored it wrong. They did everything wrong that they could possibly do. There’s actually a fascinating lesson in filmmaking, because everything that they did reflects back to the script or looks like something from the script, and people assume that, if I hated it, then they’d changed the script...but it wasn’t so much that they’d changed the script; it’s that they just executed it in such a ghastly fashion as to render it almost unwatchable. 
** Joss Whedon  interviewed by Will Harris, [http://web.archive.org/web/20061111075942/http://www.bullz-eye.com/mguide/interviews/2005/joss_whedon.htm “Joss for a minute: A brief chat with Joss Whedon”], ''Bullz-eye.com'', (Interview date: 11/29/05 Posted: 12/16/05)

=== “‘Alien: Resurrection’ Is a Franchise High Point—Fight Me” (November 29, 2017) ===
&lt;small&gt; Frederick Blichert [https://www.vice.com/en/article/pa377y/alien-resurrection-is-a-franchise-high-pointfight-me  “‘Alien: Resurrection’ Is a Franchise High Point—Fight Me”], ''Vice'', (November 29, 2017) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:The_Sandow_Trocadero_Vaudevilles,_performing_arts_poster,_1894.jpg|thumb|It turns out Jeunet was Ryder’s idea, and he gives the film an eccentricity that may dull the horror a bit but gives Resurrection a really distinct style. At times, it feels like a vaudevillian [[theatre]] troupe putting on an Alien play, and I mean that in the best way. The actors playfully dive deep into their roles, and camp things up for a director who can appreciate the [[absurdity]] of it all.]]
* There are a few fun touches that superficially play on the original film. Call is part of a group of robots who rebelled and won back their freedom. It seems the top-down structure of Weyland-Yutani was so oppressive that even the previously obedient machines couldn’t stand it. And the military’s central computer now has a male voice and is referred to as “Father,” cementing the patriarchal role of those in power, in contrast to all the maternal imagery of Alien and the “Mother” console. &lt;br&gt; Ryder, who didn’t manage to use her 90s “it girl” rep to make Resurrection a hit, is one of the few people who actually remembers the film fondly, and is largely responsible for making it “kind of like a really cool art film,” as she described it in a 2013 interview with the Huffington Post, praising the direction of Jeunet, who was gaining fame for his offbeat French films and would eventually become an international star with Amélie. &lt;br&gt; It turns out Jeunet was Ryder’s idea, and he gives the film an eccentricity that may dull the horror a bit but gives Resurrection a really distinct style. At times, it feels like a vaudevillian theatre troupe putting on an Alien play, and I mean that in the best way. The actors playfully dive deep into their roles, and camp things up for a director who can appreciate the absurdity of it all.
* Then there’s Ripley herself, whose transformation has all the hallmarks of a Whedon heroine. Nearly every Whedon project seems to have a woman with special abilities given to her by one shadowy cabal of men or another. Inevitably, she rebels and takes back her autonomy with force. This happened with Buffy, it happens with River in Serenity, and it happens with Echo in his later series Dollhouse. Ripley’s rampage in Resurrection is textbook Whedon patriarchy smashing, but it’s also a fitting conclusion to her relationship with Weyland-Yutani. &lt;br&gt; The company is replaced by a galactic military, but it’s all part of the same consolidation of power. The aliens represent the line corporations, governments, and armies (are these three even distinct?) are willing to cross to achieve their own ends, so Ripley’s resistance is always essentially pitted against the same thing. In Resurrection, they accidentally empower her through the very process that was meant to use her up. By reducing her to the level of meat to be experimented on, she and the xenomorphs literally become one. Everything and everyone is just a plaything for those in power. &lt;br&gt; In one of the film’s most cathartic (and disturbing) scenes, Ripley torches a lab full of failed Ripley clones, one of which painfully begs her for death. One of Ripley’s new crewmates, played by the always scene-stealing Ron Perlman, doesn’t get why she’s so angry as to be wasting ammo. He chalks it up to being “a chick thing,” which is a fitting final note. The control over human bodies has always had gendered undertones in the Alien films. Ripley is a woman whose physical autonomy is always under threat, either from the aliens or from her patriarchal corporate overlords. Here, she takes back control more divisively than ever before.

=== &quot;Alien Resurrection” (November 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; [[Roger Ebert]], [https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/alien-resurrection-1997 &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot;], (November 26, 1997). &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Perpetual_Motion_by_Norman_Rockwell.jpg|thumb|Mankind wants them for their genes? I can think of a more valuable attribute: They're apparently able to generate biomass out of thin air. The baby born at the beginning of the film weighs maybe five pounds. In a few weeks the ship's cargo includes generous tons of aliens. What do they feed on? How do they fuel their growth and reproduction? It's no good saying they eat the ship's stores, because they thrive even on the second ship--and in previous movies have grown like crazy on desolate prison planets and in abandoned space stations. They're like [[w:perpetual motion|perpetual motion]] machines; they don't need input.]]
* Now here is &quot;Alien Resurrection.&quot; Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is still the heroine, even though 200 years have passed since &quot;Alien3.&quot; She has been cloned out of a drop of her own blood, and is being used as a broodmare: The movie opens with surgeons removing a baby alien from her womb. How the baby got in there is not fully explained, for which we should perhaps be grateful.
* The birth takes place on a vast space ship. The interstellar human government hopes to breed more aliens, and use them for--oh, developing vaccines, medicines, a gene pool, stuff like that. The aliens have a remarkable body chemistry. Ripley's genes are all-right, too: They allow her reconstituted form to retain all of her old memories, as if cookie dough could remember what a gingerbread man looked like. &lt;br&gt; Ripley is first on a giant government science ship, then on a tramp freighter run by a vagabond crew. The monsters are at first held inside glass cells, but of course they escape (their blood is a powerful solvent that can eat through the decks of the ship). The movie's a little vague about Ripley: Is she all human, or does she have a little alien mixed in? For a while we wonder which side she's on. She laughs at mankind's hopes of exploiting the creatures: &quot;She's a queen,&quot; she says of the new monster. &quot;She'll breed. You'll die.&quot; When the tramp freighter comes into play, we get a fresh crew, including Call (Winona Ryder), who has been flown all the way from Earth to provide appeal for the younger members of the audience. Ryder is a wonderful actress, one of the most gifted of her generation, but wrong for this movie. She lacks the heft and presence to stand alongside Ripley and the grizzled old space dogs played by Ron Perlman, Dominique Pinon, Dan Hedeya and Brad Dourif. She seems uncertain of her purpose in the movie, her speeches lack conviction, and when her secret is revealed, it raises more questions than it answers. Ryder pales in comparison with Jenette Goldstein, the muscular Marine who was the female sidekick in &quot;Aliens.&quot; Weaver, on the other hand, is splendid: Strong, weary, resourceful, grim. I would gladly see a fifth &quot;Alien&quot; movie if they created something for her to do, and dialog beyond the terse sound bites that play well in commercials. Ripley has some good scenes. She plays basketball with a crew man (Perlman) and slams him around. When she bleeds, her blood fizzes interestingly on the floor--as if it's not quite human. She can smell an alien presence. And be smelled: Her baby recognizes her mother and sticks out a tongue to lick her.
* Mankind wants them for their genes? I can think of a more valuable attribute: They're apparently able to generate biomass out of thin air. The baby born at the beginning of the film weighs maybe five pounds. In a few weeks the ship's cargo includes generous tons of aliens. What do they feed on? How do they fuel their growth and reproduction? It's no good saying they eat the ship's stores, because they thrive even on the second ship--and in previous movies have grown like crazy on desolate prison planets and in abandoned space stations. They're like [[w:perpetual motion|perpetual motion]] machines; they don't need input.
* The &quot;[[Alien (franchise)|Alien]]&quot; movies always have expert production design. &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; was directed by the French visionary Jean-Pierre Jeunet (&quot;City of Lost Children&quot;), who with his designers has placed it in what looks like a large, empty hangar filled with prefabricated steel warehouse parts. There is not a single shot in the movie to fill one with wonder--nothing like the abandoned planetary station in &quot;Aliens.&quot; Even the standard shots of vast spaceships, moving against a backdrop of stars, are murky here, and perfunctory.

=== “The Biggest Mistakes Alien Resurrection Made (&amp; How It Could Improve)” (Nov 27, 2020) ===
&lt;small&gt; Cathal Gunning, [https://screenrant.com/alien-resurrection-movie-biggest-mistakes-changes-fix-explained/ “The Biggest Mistakes Alien Resurrection Made (&amp; How It Could Improve)”], ''Screen Rant'', (Nov 27, 2020) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Chickenvane.jpg|thumb|Alien Resurrection’s lush visual [[w:Palette|palette]] is an immediately striking and evocative change of pace for the series. Each movie in the franchise had a unique visual style, whether it’s the burnt-orange and metallic grey post-apocalyptic look of Alien 3, the sleek steely blues of Aliens, or the grimy, black-green fetid darkness of the first installment. To be fair, Alien Resurrection made use of its large budget by creating a new, distinct Gothic-influenced green-tinged color palette for this installment. The only problem is that for anyone not accustomed to Jeunet’s highly stylized look, marrying the style he established in earlier releases [[Delicatessen (film)|Delicatessen]] and [[The City of Lost Children]] with the world of Alien is a tall order. The movie’s green [[w:Patina|patinas]] lend a sickly look to proceedings and, by the time it was released, the likes of [[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]], [[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]], and [[The Fifth Element]] had boasted similarly striking visual palettes without looking quite so garish. When a movie makes Tank Girl look less than garish, it’s cause for concern.]]
* There were plenty of problems that plagued the production of Alien Resurrection, but despite the movie’s convoluted set-up and knotty plot, its creation was not quite as strained as its predecessor Alien 3. Future Amelie director Jeunet thought that the franchise ended with Alien 3 and, like producer Walter Hill, he was skeptical about continuing the story, but the movie’s large budget tempted him to take on the job. The helmer hired visual effects specialist and future Catwoman director Pitof to work with him, which could, in retrospect, be read as an early indication that things were taking a bad turn. But the problems didn’t become clear until the movie’s secret weapon—the newborn Alien—was unveiled. &lt;br&gt; Like the Predalien in the later (underrated) Alien Vs Predator spin-off series, the Newborn Alien was intended to be a huge draw for Alien Resurrection, as the movie would be unveiling a new hybrid form of the title monster with a previously unseen creature design. The Alien Queen of James Cameron’s Aliens was one of the sequel’s best-loved additions to the franchise, so expectations were high. The Newborn Alien did not live up to them. Slimy, gangly, and hilariously human, the newborn was a laughable, giant-headed mess of overlong limbs and pot-bellied oddness. Originally intended to have human genitalia until the studio balked and Jeunet admitted that “even for a Frenchman it’s a bit much”, the Newborn was, nonetheless, a disaster even without its private parts appearing in the finished movie. An earlier design would have seen the creators model the monster’s appearance on Weaver herself, but this was abandoned for fear of resembling [[w:Species (film)|Species]]’ Sil. It’s a shame, as anything would have been an improvement on the prune-faced ghoul viewers were eventually left with.
* [A]t least part of Alien Resurrection’s failure to win over even existing fans of the franchise can be attributed to the movie’s failure to nail down a definite, specific tone. The movie is too quippy and action-oriented (thanks to screenwriter Joss Whedon’s contributions) to be as authentically scary as Ridley Scott’s critically acclaimed original movie. 1979’s Alien was pitched as a “haunted house movie in space” for good reason, as it begins dark and only grows more brutal throughout its duration. James Cameron’s sequel Aliens, meanwhile, is a less grim affair, with the cast well-armed and better prepared to take on the titular threat. In contrast, in Alien Resurrection, the characters never seem to be in mortal peril; they’re toughened mercenaries and scientists developing bio-weapons, neither of whom seem ill-equipped to take on a threat.
* Speaking of the movie’s darkness, Alien Resurrection’s lush visual palette is an immediately striking and evocative change of pace for the series. Each movie in the franchise had a unique visual style, whether it’s the burnt-orange and metallic grey post-apocalyptic look of Alien 3, the sleek steely blues of Aliens, or the grimy, black-green fetid darkness of the first installment. To be fair, Alien Resurrection made use of its large budget by creating a new, distinct Gothic-influenced green-tinged color palette for this installment. The only problem is that for anyone not accustomed to Jeunet’s highly stylized look, marrying the style he established in earlier releases Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children with the world of Alien is a tall order. The movie’s green patinas lend a sickly look to proceedings and, by the time it was released, the likes of [[Tank Girl (film)|Tank Girl]], [[Judge Dredd (film)|Judge Dredd]], and [[The Fifth Element]] had boasted similarly striking visual palettes without looking quite so garish. When a movie makes Tank Girl look less than garish, it’s cause for concern.

=== “FILM REVIEW; Ripley, Believe It or Not, Has a Secret, and It's Not Pretty” (Nov 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Janet Maslin, [https://www.nytimes.com/1997/11/26/movies/film-review-ripley-believe-it-or-not-has-a-secret-and-it-s-not-pretty.html “FILM REVIEW; Ripley, Believe It or Not, Has a Secret, and It's Not Pretty”], ''The New York Times'', (Nov 26, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:UN_transport_pictogram_-_8.svg|thumb|''Alien Resurrection,'' the fourth installment and the one that comes closest to suggesting there may be rain-slicked dark alleys in space, also offers the most buff and sexily insolent incarnation of the aliens' favorite antagonist, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. And this time it's personal: much of Ripley's new swagger comes from the fact that she now apparently has alien blood, or slime, or ooze, or whatever it is, coursing through her veins.]]
* Perhaps it counts as a compliment among those who appreciate the dripping, throbbing, drooling intensity of the ''Alien'' movies to say that the series' latest installment is its most freakish and macabre to date. But ''Alien Resurrection,'' the fourth installment and the one that comes closest to suggesting there may be rain-slicked dark alleys in space, also offers the most buff and sexily insolent incarnation of the aliens' favorite antagonist, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley. And this time it's personal: much of Ripley's new swagger comes from the fact that she now apparently has alien blood, or slime, or ooze, or whatever it is, coursing through her veins.
* We know most of the aliens' tricks by now, even if ''Alien Resurrection'' gives them the chance to chase human prey through garbage-strewn waters and swish their tails like marauding raptors. They still invade human hosts and burst out horribly at inconvenient moments; they still enjoy some of the most stomach-turning breeding habits imaginable. The new wrinkle this time is that neo-Ripley finds herself strangely sympatico with these creatures, even to the point of experiencing maternal stirrings late in the story. A new queen alien has appropriated some of Ripley's re-productive system and can now produce live, skeletal, screeching, glop-covered offspring. Maybe that tells you more than you want to know.
* As directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, half of the duo behind ''Delicatessen'' and ''City of Lost Children,'' ''Alien Resurrection'' has an eerie grunge look (with cinematography by the inventive Da-rius Khondji) and a sometimes ghastly sideshow atmosphere. The characters this time, with a cast including Dan Hedaya, Brad Dourif and Ron Perlman, tend to be surly miscreants, and the story has more kinks. Winona Ryder wears Army boots as a crew member of the Betty, a small ship that docks with the Auriga to engage in illicit business and stays long enough to fight the evil beasts. Tauntingly flirtatious scenes between Ms. Ryder and Ms. Weaver give this film a sexual boldness that the others' action-adventure spirit lacked. &lt;br&gt; Fierce, beautiful and sardonic, Ms. Weaver makes an impressive linchpin for this series, even if she can't make it palatable for the faint of heart. When Mr. Jeunet's well-established taste for the grotesque yields an episode worthy of a circus sideshow, with hideously malformed creatures floating in glass containers and a grisly secret about Ripley's past ready to emerge, not even Ms. Weaver and her flamethrower can triumph over the sequence's extreme nastiness. 

=== “`Alien' All Guts, No Glory / Sequel looks great, if gory, but doesn't have much brains” (Nov. 26, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Peter Stack, [https://www.sfgate.com/movies/article/Alien-All-Guts-No-Glory-Sequel-looks-great-2793420.php “`Alien' All Guts, No Glory / Sequel looks great, if gory, but doesn't have much brains”], ''SF Gate'', (Nov. 26, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Alien_Resurrection_03.jpg|thumb|Jeunet blended darkness, heavy metal, repugnantly weird things in specimen vials, an underwater sequence, a feeling of paranoia and an almost determined lack of humanity. And he also brought two of his favorite actors: big Ron Perlman to be a jackbooted bad guy, and Dominique Pinon to get a few laughs as a pipsqueak.]]
* As movie spawns go, &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; is a clumsy, plodding child having a big hissy fit. The cluttered, surreal, claustrophobic sets and gooey alien creatures look intriguing, sometimes shocking. But the story tries so hard to be imaginative that it congeals and sinks like lead. &lt;br&gt; This film should be an amazing thrill ride, but it has the emotional impact of a bowling ball at rest. The scene that gets the biggest response is one showing just how hairy actor Dan Hedaya is (he plays a spaceship captain), and he's not even an alien. No doubt the intensely violent production, opening today in time to gross out Thanksgiving holiday moviegoers, will do stratospheric box-office business. But staying power is another question.
* As almost always with sequels, the &quot;Alien&quot; spawn have gotten dopier as they've gone along. Yet each has had the saving grace of a distinctive look. &quot;Alien Resurrection&quot; is easily the most visually interesting of all. Credit it to French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who imported his surrealistic, horrific ideas direct from &quot;[[Delicatessen]]&quot; and the superb &quot;[[The City of Lost Children]].&quot; &lt;br&gt; Jeunet blended darkness, heavy metal, repugnantly weird things in specimen vials, an underwater sequence, a feeling of paranoia and an almost determined lack of humanity. And he also brought two of his favorite actors: big Ron Perlman to be a jackbooted bad guy, and Dominique Pinon to get a few laughs as a pipsqueak. &lt;br&gt; Winona Ryder is the biggest new attraction in the series. Her character, Call, is the only soft, humane creature within several light-years of the -- sprawling spaceship Auriga, where the action takes place. Eventually it is revealed that 12 hissing, hungry aliens, products of evil biology experiments, are headed toward Earth. &lt;br&gt; Ryder, arriving with a crew of smugglers, looks almost too doll- like to be hanging around the tough, cynical or maniacal types that populate the film's cavernous, clanking world. But her big button black eyes and that intense focus she has at just the right dramatic moment wind up providing the only dollop of humanity. And it's much needed.
* Sigourney Weaver, in this fourth in the &quot;Alien&quot; series, returns as Ripley, the tough heroine who has been dallying with the toothed aliens since 1979. &lt;br&gt; Weaver has weathered the experience much better than the films have. She's lithe and sexy in that no-nonsense action-hero way. About that much-discussed backward basketball shot she makes -- Weaver looks like the type who could pull it off.
* Meanness is big in &quot;Alien Resurrection.&quot; It's hard to remember a more coarse, obscenely violent movie. The &quot;fun&quot; starts right away with open-chest surgery shown in up-close, disgustingly graphic detail (with Brad Dourif as an icky doctor). The scene is the birth of a baby alien from under Ripley's ribs. Whoever said that surgery was the next pornography was right. &lt;br&gt; In the course of the film, viewers get treated to aliens feeding on guts, brains and heads, all shown in splatter-movie fashion. And there are constant references to predatory sex acts. That popular '90s phrase &quot;viewer discretion advised&quot; is definitely applicable.

=== &quot;All Things 'Alien'&quot; (November 9, 1997) ===
&lt;small&gt; Sigourney Weaver and Winona Ryder in [http://articles.latimes.com/1997/nov/09/entertainment/ca-51876 &quot;All Things 'Alien'&quot;] by John Clark, ''L.A. Times'', (November 09, 1997) &lt;/small&gt;
*'''Ryder''': When we were doing the underwater stuff, I was having complete anxiety attacks. We'd go underwater, and I was so scared. You reminded me to act. We'd go down with scuba stuff, but then they'd take it away from you.
:'''Weaver''': You'd take off your mask, take off your respirator and swim under this ceiling for about 30 feet, and you could not come up. And you couldn't see a thing. You basically had to keep going till you ran out of air and hope that your safety diver would come and get you. Float you down and in and out and then up.
:'''Q''': So relief wasn't immediate.
:'''Weaver''': No. If it had been, if you have in the back of your mind &quot;If I get in trouble, I can just come up for air,&quot; which [[w:Kevin Costner|Kevin Costner]] had [in &quot;[[w:Waterworld|Waterworld]]&quot;] but we didn't have because we're [[women]]. . . .
:'''Ryder''': Also you're wearing these weight belts to keep you down. I remember swimming up to one little opening and my weight belt was, like, I couldn't do it, and then I released the belt and I floated up, and right as I came up I was about to grab this thing and this grip goes, &quot;You probably don't want to touch that. You're going to get electrocuted.&quot; So it was this choice between drowning and getting electrocuted.
:'''Weaver''': If you were to grab something where we did finally come up, the set was covered with these needle-sharp protrusions, thousands of them everywhere. And I said, &quot;Why are we in this place where all these exposed needles are?&quot; and this guy says, &quot;I don't know. It's for the set design.&quot;

=== &quot;In Defence Of... Alien: Resurrection, the franchise's ugly duckling&quot; (19 February 2015) ===
&lt;small&gt; Joshua Winning, [http://www.digitalspy.com/movies/feature/a630047/in-defence-of-alien-resurrection-the-franchises-ugly-duckling/ &quot;In Defence Of... Alien: Resurrection, the franchise's ugly duckling&quot;], ''Digital Spy'', (19 February 2015). &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Barnum_Humbug.jpg|thumb|As with previous entries, Ripley's central to every one of A:R's greatest moments. &quot;I loved the evolution of the character,&quot; Weaver has said, and it's not hard to see why she signed on despite the infamously onerous Alien 3 production. She plays an intoxicating range, from snarky quips (&quot;I'm the monster's mother&quot;) and slam dunks (she put that basketball in the net for real), to the gut-punching moment she discovers Ripleys 1-7. That last encounter spectacularly drags the franchise into [[w:Freak show|freak show]] territory - you thought Ripley's life was a [[circus]] of [[horrors]] before? You ain't seen nothing yet.]]
* As with previous entries, Ripley's central to every one of A:R's greatest moments. &quot;I loved the evolution of the character,&quot; Weaver has said, and it's not hard to see why she signed on despite the infamously onerous Alien 3 production. She plays an intoxicating range, from snarky quips (&quot;I'm the monster's mother&quot;) and slam dunks (she put that basketball in the net for real), to the gut-punching moment she discovers Ripleys 1-7. That last encounter spectacularly drags the franchise into [[w:Freak show|freak show]] territory - you thought Ripley's life was a [[circus]] of [[horrors]] before? You ain't seen nothing yet.
* What really separates A:R from its predecessors is its morbid sense of humour. Positioning itself as a carnival of weirdness rather than an all-out scare-flick, it amps the gore up to Shakespearean levels and, most shockingly, a number of deaths are played entirely for laughs (see cross-eyed General Perez plucking out the contents of his skull). It's a brave move by French director Jean-Paul Jeunet. In stark contrast to David Fincher's experiences on Alien 3, Jeunet was given free rein to do whatever he wanted (within the $70m budget; the biggest of any of the Alien films), and while he kept most of Whedon's script intact, Jeunet's weird humour is all over Alien: Resurrection.–
* If Alien was sinewy like a xenomorph and Aliens was pumped-up like the Alien Queen, Alien: Resurrection is as grotesque and mesmerising as the newborn. Whedon may have hated it, but he's hardly the first writer to disown his work. (Besides, he went on to make Firefly, which features just about the exact same set of characters - Johner is now Jayne, with Reavers standing in for xenos and so forth). &lt;br&gt;&quot;It's kind of like a really cool art film,&quot; Winona Ryder recently surmised of Alien: Resurrection, and she's right. Like art, it's unapologetic and singular in its vision, and it's a shame that the enticing open ending never developed into an immediate sequel. It's also odd that Marvel man Whedon isn't a fan - while the previous Alien films were all sci-fi horrors, there's something distinctly comic-booky about Alien: Resurrection. Perhaps it was just a little ahead of its time.

=== “Serenity Now!” (August/September 2005) ===
[[File:Earth night.jpg|thumb|In the case of “Alien: Resurrection,” they decided to spend their money in other places than going to Earth. And I just kept saying, “The reason people are here is we’re going to do the thing we’ve never done; we’re gonna go to Earth.&quot;]]
&lt;small&gt; Joss Whedon interviewed by Jim Kozak [http://web.archive.org/web/20110615162238/http://www.natoonline.org/infocus/05augustseptember/whedonuncut.htm “Serenity Now!”] In Focus, (August/September 2005) &lt;/small&gt;
*'''Kozak''':  I thought your original screenplay for “Alien: Resurrection” was brilliant – with its epic final battle on Earth, for Earth – and vastly more engrossing than what ultimately made its way to the screen. I have to assume there were budgetary issues, because I can’t imagine another reason anyone would tinker with it. 
:'''Whedon''': Well, let me ask you something. This ending that took place on Earth. What happened in it? Where did it take place?
:'''Kozak''':  It took place in a forest … 
:'''Whedon''': Yes. Oh wow. That’s the first one. There were five. And it was always either “the director had a vision” or they had a budget issue. And as a script doctor I’ve been called in more than a few times, and the issue is always the same: “We want you to make the third act more exciting and cheaper.” And my response inevitably is, “The problem with the third act is the first two acts.” This response is never listened to. I usually walk away having gotten one or two jokes into a script and made some money and feeling like I am just bereft of life. It’s horrible. The exceptions were “[[Toy Story]]” and “[[Speed (film)|Speed]],” where they actually let me do something. &lt;br&gt; In the case of “Alien: Resurrection,” they decided to spend their money in other places than going to Earth. And I just kept saying, “The reason people are here is we’re going to do the thing we’ve never done; we’re gonna go to Earth.” But there were a lot of things that we hadn’t done that we ended up not doing because of a singular lack of vision.  &lt;br&gt; But rather than go into all of the reasons why “Alien: Resurrection” is disappointing to me, I will tell you that, yes, I wrote five endings. The first one was in the forest with the flying threshing machine. The second one was in a futuristic junkyard. The third one was in a maternity ward. &lt;br&gt; And the fourth one was in the desert. Now at this point this had become about money, and I said, “You know, the desert looks like Mars. That’s not Earth; that’s not going to give people that juice.” But I still wrote them the best ending I could that took place in the desert. And then finally they said, “Y’knowww, we just don’t think we need to go to Earth.” So I just gave them dialogue and stuff, but I don’t remember writing, “A withered, granny-lookin’ Pumkinhead-kinda-thing makes out with Ripley.” Pretty sure that stage direction never existed in any of my drafts.
*'''Whedon''': The history of “Alien: Resurrection” is fairly twisted also because I wrote a 30-page treatment for a different movie. They wanted to do a movie with a clone of Newt [the little girl from “Aliens”] as their heroine. Because I’d done some action movies and I’d done “Buffy,” they said, “Well, he can write teenage girls and he can write action, so let’s give him a shot.” The franchise was pretty much dead, and I wrote the treatment and they said, “This is really exciting. We want to get back in this business. But we want Ripley. So throw this out.” That one was probably my favorite; I think it was a better-structured story than the one I ultimately wrote.

== Cast ==
* [[Sigourney Weaver]] ~ Ellen Ripley Clone 8
* [[w:Winona Ryder|Winona Ryder]] ~ Annalee Call
* [[w:Ron Perlman|Ron Perlman]] ~ Johner
* [[w:Dan Hedaya|Dan Hedaya]] ~ General Martin Perez
* [[w:J.E. Freeman|J.E. Freeman]] ~ Dr. Mason Wren
* [[Brad Dourif]] ~ Dr. Jonathan Gediman
* [[w:Michael Wincott|Michael Wincott]] ~ Captain Frank Elgyn
* [[w:Raymond Cruz|Raymond Cruz]] ~ Vincent Distephano
* [[w:Leland Orser|Leland Orser]] ~ Larry Purvis
* [[w:Tom Woodruff Jr.|Tom Woodruff Jr.]] ~ Alien
* [[w:Kim Flowers|Kim Flowers]] ~ Sabra Hillard
* [[w:Gary Dourdan|Gary Dourdan]] ~ Christie

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:Alien (franchise)]]
[[Category:1997 films]]
[[Category:1997 American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Space adventure films]]
[[Category:Films about cloning]]
[[Category:Dystopian films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Joss Whedon]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Barry (TV series)|Barry]]''''' is an American dark comedy television series created by Alec Berg and Bill Hader. It stars Hader as the eponymous lead character, a Midwestern hitman who travels to Los Angeles to kill someone and then finds himself joining the local arts scene.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''Chapter One: Make Your Mark'' [1.01] ===

:'''Fuches:''' When you meet Goran, don't be afraid to sell yourself. Remember that liquor distributor in Canton, you stabbed in the nut? I think Goran's the kind of man, who would find something like that intriguing. So work it into the conversation, to make him aware that, you know, you'll go there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fuches:''' You want a hobby or something? You could take up painting! Yeah, [[w: Adolf Hiter | Hitler]] painted! [[w: John Wayne Gacy | John Wayne Gacy]] painted, it's a good, solid hobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' You wanna know what I'm good at? I'm good at killing people. You know, when I got back from Afghanistan I, ah, was really depressed. You know, like I didn't leave my house for months, and, ah, this friend of my dad's, he's, uh he's like an uncle to me. He, uh, he helped me out and he gave me a purpose. He told me that, that what I was good at over there could be useful here and, uh, it's a job, you know? Alright, the money's good, and, uh, these people I take out, like they're they're bad people, you know, like they're pieces of shit. Um... But lately, you know, I've like, I'm not sleeping and, ah, that depressed feeling's back, you know. Like, like I know there's more to me than that. Maybe, I don't know, maybe there's not. Maybe this is all I'm good at.

=== ''Chapter Two: Use It'' [1.02] ===
:'''Cousineau:''' Now, I wish I could say that this was the first time that one of my students was gunned down in the street, but it's not. And as much as it pains me to say it... It is most likely not the last.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cousineau:''' If I want pure sorrow, I call up Princess Diana's death. Or the day that my dad fell off the roof as a kid... ''Kerplunk.'' Or the next day, when he went right back up on that roof. ''[He looks to the sky.]'' Hi, Dad!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' Siri, what is &quot;off book&quot;?
:'''Hitman:''' Freeze, cowboy.
:'''Siri:''' Showing two results for &quot;off book freeze cowboy&quot;.

=== ''Chapter Three: Make the Unsafe Choice'' [1.03] ===
:'''Fuches:''' First time in LA? Yeah, I picked up on that, what you and the big guy were talking about there. When my partner gets back, you're gonna kill us, yeah? ''[He mimes a gun.]'' Pop! You know, there's a version of this where... you don't do that!
:'''Stovka:''' My whole life, ever since a boy... is death.
:'''Fuches:''' Well, you're a regular Family Circus cartoon. 

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:'''Cousineau:''' Alright, we're in a grocery store!
:'''Barry:''' Gum.
:'''Cousineau:''' Gum is at the ''register'', Barry.

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:'''Cousineau:''' Now, take a look around, what do you see?
:'''Barry:''' Soup.
:'''Cousineau:''' We see soup! What kinda soup?
:'''Barry:''' Um...
:'''Cousineau:''' Chicken noodle? Consommé?
:'''Barry:''' I don't know.
:'''Cousineau:''' What do you mean, you don't know?
:'''Barry:''' I don't know.
:'''Cousineau:''' Just look at the shelf.
:'''Barry:''' I can't.
:'''Cousineau:''' Why?
:'''Barry:''' Someone bought it.
:'''Cousineau:''' No one bought it, that's a lie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cousineau:''' Just... surrender. Surrender to the soup, Barry!

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:'''Fuches:''' Stovka, let me tell you something. You get on the 10 Freeway, it's the Christopher Columbus Transcontinental Highway, you can just ''drive'' and become whoever you wanna be! This is the country that invented [[w:Superman | Superman]]! And the women, oh my God, the women here! Stovka, they would love that accent of yours! If-- I know! I-- I know a couple of gals in Cleveland who would ''love''-- How old a guy are you, Stovka?
:'''Stovka:''' Forty-five.
:'''Fuches:''' ''[chuckles]'' Jesus Christ. O-- Okay, uh, I know ''one'' gal--
:'''Stovka:''' There's nothing for me. I had a wife. A child. But they leave me. She say I'm broken. You talk of freedom? As long as I work for them, I never free. It will always be the same. My whole life, ever since a child, is death. There is only one true way out.
:'''Fuches:''' Yeah, I caught about half of that Stov, if you could take my cell phone outta my-- my pocket here, I can show you one gal. She's Cherokee! She's really wild!
:''[Stovka shoots himself.]''

=== ''Chapter Four: Commit...To You'' [1.04] ===
:'''Cosineau:''' Barry, I gave you [[Glengarry Glen Ross (film)#Dialogue|this monologue]] for a reason. To see if you were capable of playing a character with the ''mildest'' set of balls. You know, I'm starting to see a trend in your work, and it's disturbing, and it's this: You are deferential to every character in a scene except for yours! It's the way you read every scene. And if you're gonna be an actor, it's a big problem.
:'''Barry:''' Okay, listen. I guess what I just thought is that my guy was trying to help these other dudes achieve a goal, right? And if it was me, I would want them-
:'''Cosineau:''' You know what? That is so lovely. If it was you. Is that the way you see your life? As a human doormat?
:'''Barry:''' No.
:'''Cosineau:''' &quot;No&quot;? 'Cause that's all we've ever seen in here. And I'll bet you tits to donuts it's no different out there in the real world. You were in the service, right? Right? ''[Barry nods]'' Yeah, well, that makes sense, doesn't it? &quot;Stand like this. Clean your gun. Swab the deck. Peel a potato.&quot; Barry, do you ever ask for what ''you'' need? Or do you just quietly feel shame at your own desires while sadly doing the bidding of others? &quot;Dear Diary, today, I did what everybody else wanted me to do. Is that alright with you, Diary? Love, Barry.&quot; Is that the life you wanna lead? Look at me. Answer me.
:'''Barry:''' No.
:'''Cosineau:''' &quot;No&quot;. You're just saying that because I told you to say it!
:'''Barry:''' Well, I don't know what you want me to say.
:'''Cosineau:''' I want you to fight for yourself, Barry. I want you to say it out loud. I want you to say out loud, &quot;Hey, I want this!&quot; Can you tell me one thing?
:'''Barry:''' All I want is to take this class.
:'''Cosineau:''' Well, you have ten seconds to make me believe that, fucko, or you're never gonna see the inside of this class again! And... Action!

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:'''Barry:''' Fuches! I'm not doing it! Any of it, okay? I know it's what you want, but fuck you! Okay? There's a lot of things I wanna do, but you don't care about any of that! Take out a stash house all by myself? &quot;Oh yeah, let's have Barry do it. He's fucking [[w: Jason Bourne | Jason Bourne]]!&quot; Yeah! No! Fuck it! I'm out! So you're going back to Ohio, and I'm staying here, and that's it! Fuck you! Ow!

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:'''John Hamm:''' I'm really proud of you.
:'''Barry:''' Thanks.
:'''John Hamm:''' Can I take a shit in your house?
:'''Barry:''' We have five guest rooms, take your pick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Detective Moss:''' Look at your little hands. You are so little. I could rock you like a baby.
:'''Cosineau:''' I would like you to rock me like a baby.
:'''Detective Moss:''' I could drop kick you in the middle of the restaurant, everybody would applaud and then I'd beat the ''fuck'' out of you.
:'''Cosineau:''' And I would let you do it.

=== ''Chapter Five: Do Your Job'' [1.05] ===
:'''Barry:''' So, what, we just take out whoever threatens us? That's... toxic masculinity!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' Oh, my God! Are we really debating the morality of murder? I mean, that's what the play is about! Macbeth is a murderer!
:'''Barry:''' Yeah, well, then I guess, so am I! Right? I mean, I've killed people. What, I should just go blow my brains out 'cause there's no hope for me, right? My soul's fucked because I was ordered to kill someone and I did it? Y'know, that doesn't make me a psycho...
:'''Kirby:''' No... Barry, you're overreacting, we didn't say you were a psycho--
:'''Barry:''' ''You all just said that!'' Am I wrong? Isn't that what you guys are saying, that I'm a fuckin' psycho?! That's exactly what you fuckin' said! Y'know, it's really easy for you guys to sit here and weigh in on some shit that you don't know about, but it's, um, it's fuckin' lame, and it's not true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Taylor:''' It's gonna be a party.
:'''Barry:''' It's not really a party time; there's a good chance we'll die.
:'''Taylor:''' Fuck yeah.
:'''Barry:''' It's not really a high-five situation, or a fist bump situation.

=== ''Chapter Six: Listen With Your Ears, React With Your Face'' [1.06] ===
:'''Cosineau:''' Janice. For three nights, you've come home and told me that everybody is 'up in your grill' at work because you can't let go of this crazy acting class connection.
:'''Moss:''' I never said 'up in my grill.' So you can just stop there.
:'''Cosineau:''' The point is... The point is, nobody believes that my class could be involved in Ryan's death except for you. I myself thought that you were questioning them because you wanted to be close to me. I was very flattered. But now I've gotta wonder: are you keeping them in play because you're trying to prevent us from becoming what we might become?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cosineau:''' Now I know it's only three days. But I'm 47 years old. I'm old enough to know a great thing when it comes knocking on my door in the middle of the night. We are breathing rarefied air and you know it. If we ran away from this because we were scared, wouldn't that be oh so very sad?

=== ''Chapter Seven: Chapter Seven: Loud, Fast, and Keep Going'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cosineau:''' Are you on drugs, Barry? Because getting clean is an important part of an actor's journey. A little story to illustrate: I was doing ''[[w:Long Day's Journey into Night|Long Day's Journey into Night]]'' at the [[w:Pasadena Playhouse|Pasadena Playhouse]] with a bunch of cokeheads. It's usually about a three-hour play. We could bring it in at just under thirty-seven minutes. We thought we were great! Apparently, we were unintelligible. It was the beginning of the bad years, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' I'm-- I'm not on drugs.
:'''Cosineau:''' You're not?
:'''Barry:''' No.
:'''Cosineau:''' ...Well then, that's ''very'' bad news for you.

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:'''Chris:''' Okay, what if I just turn myself in, okay-?
:'''Barry:''' We're linked! We're linked. We're linked.
:'''Chris:''' They won't know anything about you! ''Nothing'' about you!
:'''Barry:''' We're linked on Facebook, Chris. I met your wife. You go to the cops, they'll figure it out. They'll find me, alright?
:'''Chris:''' No, they ''won't'', because they won't-
:'''Barry:''' Yes, they will, they're looking for ''me''!
:'''Chris:''' They won't know anything!
:'''Barry:''' They'll find out about me, they'll find out about Fuches, they'll find out about the acting class. Everyone will be ''dead'', Chris-
:'''Chris:''' '''''Well, I don't fucking care, Barry!''''' ''I '''killed''' a guy!'' Okay, now you might be cool with this shit, ''but I'm not!'' I got a wife and I got a kid, okay?! And then- and- and- she fucking knew! She ''knew''! She knew something was up! When I came home, she ''knew'' it! And then I lied to her, and I told her that I was- I- I was going to the gym? Just now? But when I go back, she's gonna know. She's gonna know something is up, and it's gonna come out. So that's it. That's it, okay? I'm going to the cops, and I'm gonna tell them everything. And I- If I've gotta do some time, fine. But I'm coming clean.
:'''Barry:''' Why did you say that?
:'''Chris:''' Why did you ''Facebook me'', dude?! You're a fucking ''hit man'', and then you fucking '''''Facebooked me'''''-
:'''Barry:''' '''''WHY'D YOU JUST SAY THAT?!'''''
:''[A silence passes over. Barry turns to Chris.]''
:'''Barry:''' I told you to get out of the car, man.
:'''Chris:''' You know what? It's cool. I can keep quiet. I'm cool. And I- I didn't tell my wife... y'know, that- That I was going to the gym. I- I told her that I was... coming to see you.
:''[An SUV pulls up in the distance and a man steps out.]''
:'''Chris:''' I- I know you're not gonna... do anything crazy, Barry. I know you're a good guy.
:''[The SUV drives off]''
:'''Chris:''' So I'm gonna- I'm gonna drop you off. And I'm g- I am gonna keep. My fat. Trap. Shut. And then, y'know, I- I promise you, no one will ever know any-
:''[Barry holds Chris' hands to the steering wheel and pulls out a gun]''
:'''Chris:''' Wait. ''Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-!''
:''[From outside, the gun goes off, splattering the front window in blood and shattering the driver's side window. Having left the gun in Chris' hand, Barry slowly walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' My Lord, the Queen is dead.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Cosineau walks in on an obviously stressed Barry, applauding]''
:'''Cosineau:''' Barry! Bravo! I just saw you go to a place tonight I have never seen before! I don't know if you can do it again, but it was ama-
:''[Barry punches a picture frame, screaming]''
:'''Cosineau:''' ...Okay! I see you're still in that place, I'm gonna leave you to your process. You know, I have a few notes...
:''[Barry tosses a chair across the room]''
:'''Cosineau:''' They can wait 'till Monday.

=== ''Chapter Eight: Know Your Truth'' [1.08] ===
:'''Barry:''' Janice, listen. I used to work for a man who who talked me into doing some really bad stuff. But that's not who I am, okay? I, uh, I realized what I was doing was wrong, and I, uh, I did everything I had to do to put it behind me. And I did it. It was hard, but I did it. And everything's so good right now. I'm a good person. I help people out. And if you could just walk away from this and forget about it, everybody's life will be better.
:'''Moss:''' You know I can't do that, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' Yes. No, yes, you can. Janice, you can, because we want the same thing. We- We wanna be happy. We want love. We want a life. And we're doing it, Janice. We're the same.
:'''Moss:''' But we're not. We're not the same, Barry. 'Cause I'm a cop and you're a fucking murderer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' Can we please not do this? ''Please?''
:'''Moss:''' It's done.

== Season 2 ==
=== ''The Show Must Go On, Probably?'' [2.01] ===
:'''Conineau:''' In my bedroom, under the bed, there's a mahogany box, and in that box is a pearl-handle .38 Special, screen-used from the movie ''[[w: Flashpoint (1984 film) | Flashpoint]]'', given to me by my former roommate, Rip Torn. Do you know how many times today I actually thought about going in there and loading it and giving it one last kiss?
:'''Barry:''' You wanted to kiss a gun?
:'''Cosineau:''' Suicide, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' Oh.
:'''Cosineau:''' Are you not familiar with the Japanese ritual of [[w: Seppuku | harakiri]]?
:'''Barry:''' [[w: Harry Caray | The baseball announcer?]]
:'''Cosineau:''' I need you out of my house.
:'''Barry:''' Okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Hank holds up a pair of jogging shorts.]''
:'''NoHo Hank:''' You have these pants in size medium?
:'''Barry:''' Those are women's pants.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' What the fuck are you doing here?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Barry, it's me. It's Hank.
:'''Barry:''' I know it's Hank!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' In a wig.
:'''Barry:''' I ''know'' you're wearing a wig!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' The shirt's mine, though.
:'''Barry:''' ''I don't fucking care! What the fuck you doing here?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''NoHo Hank:''' Classic criss-cross.
:'''Barry:''' That's not a criss-cross.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I'm pretty sure it is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' What the fuck are you doing--
:'''NoHo Hank:''' &quot;What the fuck are you doing here, Hank?&quot; Yeah, I know.
:'''Barry:''' Right, you need to get the fuck out of here. ''Leave'', come on-
:'''NoHo Hank:''' You called me an idiot today. Me, the guy who, when Goran was coming to kill you, told you to get out of the dodge. I mean, saved your life.
:'''Barry:''' Right. Hey, man, let's do this...
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I come not wearing disguises. No more hiding. You have to understand -- I'm not asking you to do this hit. I'm telling you.
:'''Barry:''' Hey, Hank, relax, man.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I am relaxed. 'Kay? I'm super relaxed guy. But now, I'm the boss, and you really disrespected me. So you're doing this. Because if you do not... I tell Goran's family who ''really'' kill him. And this place, and all your friends... they go bye-bye. Do you believe me now?
:''[Barry shakes his head &quot;yes&quot;.]''
:'''NoHo Hank:''' You still think I'm &quot;fucking idiot&quot;?
:''[Barry shakes his head &quot;no&quot;.]''
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Good. Good. Don't fuck with me, Barry. It's not polite.

=== ''The Power of No'' [2.02] ===

:'''Loach:''' Hey, do you know this guy?
:'''Fuches:''' Is that a guy? Looks kind of gender-liquid to me...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' Am I, like—am I, like—like, an evil person?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Oh, my God. I mean—absolutely. Do I not tell you that enough? You are, like, the most evil guy I know, man!

=== ''Past = Present x Future Over Yesterday'' [2.03] ===
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Dude. How the fuck did you miss?!
:'''Akhmal:''' I don't know how to shoot gun!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Hey. You know this about yourself, yet, when I ask you to come kill Barry, you say &quot;okay&quot;.
:'''Akhmal:''' Hank. There is a power dynamic here which prevents people—
:''[Akhmal is shot in the shoulder]''
:'''NoHo Hank:''' What happen?
:'''Akhmal:''' I got fucking shot! Oh, Jesus—

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Okay, Akhmal, you got to get this shit together. Just stand up there and shoot him, all right? Believe in yourself!
:'''Akhmal:''' Fuck you, I just got shot!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Oh? Well, ''I'' got shot, too, remember? Barry shot me precisely in same arm. Ooh, same spot! Wow, he's so ''good.'' But I wasn't a baby about it, was I? C'mon!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Well, what do you want me to do? Go to [[w: John Wick (character) | John Wick]] [https://john-wick.fandom.com/wiki/Continental_Hotel Assassin Hotel] with help wanted sign, I mean, what?
:'''Barry:''' You got good guys right here, man!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Oh, my God, my guys suck balls! You know it! Especially this motherfucker right here!
:'''Akhmal:''' If I suck balls, you are king of Suck Balls Mountain!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NoHo Hank:''' 50/50 with Cristobal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Mayrbeck:''' Is it true you are the most gifted assassin in all of America?
:'''Barry:''' No, I'm not the most gifted assassin in all of America.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' He's being modest. He is Air Jordan of assassins.

=== ''What?!'' [2.04] ===

:''[Barry notices Mayrbeck screwing around in training and fires off a gun next to his head]''
:'''Barry:''' You think this is some fucking game? Think this is some fucking game? Huh? You lose your focus, ''you give the other guy a chance to fire, you're '''dead'''!'' '''''KILL!''''' That's the only word I want in your fucking head. &quot;Kill&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' Look, today, a guy said something to me, and it, uh... made me mad.
:'''Cosineau:''' What'd you do? You thump him up, huh? Did ya throw him a little high heat? A little chi music? Hey, Barry, we're both Alphas. I understand.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cousineau:''' So here's my advice. You ''never'' tell that story again as long as you live 'cause basically, you killed somebody and you got away with it.
:'''Barry:''' See, that's why I didn't wanna tell you. This is why I didn't wanna tell you, 'cause you're gonna look at me differently. You're gonna look at me... like I'm a murderer, like I'm a- like I'm a violent piece of shit...
:'''Cousineau:''' Barry? Listen to me. I had a son. I was terrible to this son. I was cruel. I was selfish. And there's nothing I can do to change that. But I don't want to be that guy anymore. And I pray that human beings can change their nature, because if we can't, then you and I are in deep trouble.
:'''Barry:''' Wh- How do we do that?
:'''Cousineau:''' I think we're doing it already. You didn't beat that guy up, did you? You came here. We're talking about your feelings instead of acting out your feelings. And as for my son, the first time I reached out to him after years and years, I got a big &quot;Fuck you, dad!&quot; But today... today, he brought me strawberries.
:'''Barry:''' Do you think I'm a bad person, Mr. Cousineau?
:'''Cousineau:''' I think you're deeply human. You did a terrible thing. But do I think that defines you? No. That's why I don't think you should tell this story in front of the class. Also, they will shit themselves. I mean, they're children.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Loach:''' Do you have any idea what it's like to- to fuckin' love somebody and have some motherfucker come along and take them away from you?! DO YOU?!
:'''Barry:''' I'm sorry about Janice.
:'''Loach:''' What- not ''Moss''!
:''[Loach pulls out his phone and shows Barry a picture]''
:'''Loach:''' That's Ronny Proxen. He's fucking my wife. You get rid of him, and all this goes away.
:''[Beat]''
:'''Barry:''' What?!

=== ''ronny/lily'' [2.05] ===
:'''Fuches:''' ''[Seeing Barry's wounds]'' Ah! Jesus! What'd he do, hit you with a fuckin' cleaver?
:'''Barry:''' It wasn't Ronny.
:'''Fuches:''' What do you mean, &quot;it wasn't Ronny&quot;?
:'''Barry:''' No, it was his daughter. I think he... He trains her, or something, 'cause she was like a... like a feral mongoose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' I'm not killing a kid, Fuches. Plus, I don't... I don't think she's of this world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[After Lily climbs a tree and jumps onto the roof of her house]''
:'''Fuches:''' Okay, she's not human.
:'''Barry:''' That's what I said, man.
:'''Fuches:''' She's something else, I don't know what.
:'''Barry:''' That's what I told you, dude.
:'''Fuches:''' Alright. What do you wanna do then, huh? I mean, in an ideal world, we'd just burn down the house.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Barry:''' I gotta go to a hospital!
:'''Fuches:''' Is that her?!
:'''Barry:''' It's a trash can!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Fuches:''' What do you want me to get?
:'''Barry:''' Needle and thread! For stitches! Because I'm dying!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Lily bites Fuches' cheek]''
:'''Fuches:''' Barry. Kill her.
:'''Barry:''' Just take her off your face.
:'''Fuches:''' I can't.
:'''Barry:''' Why?
:'''Fuches:''' 'Cause I super-glued my hands to the steering wheel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Fuches:''' ''[Watching Lily run away]'' '''''WHAT ARE YOU?!'''''

=== ''The Truth Has a Ring to It'' [2.06] ===
:'''NoHo Hank:''' ...I meant my word. I'm Honest Gabe.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''NoHo Hank:''' Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking kidding me right now?! You just fucked this moment! This beautiful, tender moment with your accordion! You just... whipped out your accordion, and you fucked it, man!

=== ''The Audition'' [2.07] ===
:'''Cosineau:''' An audition?
:'''Barry:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Cosineau:''' You? Have an audition? What, are they reading extras now?
:'''Barry:''' That is so weird! Sally said the same thing.
:'''Cosineau:''' What's the part?
:'''Barry:''' It's a guy named, um, J.T. in a movie called ''Swim Instructors''.
:'''Cosineau:''' How many of these did you print?
:'''Barry:''' It's just one. It's four scenes.
:'''Cosineau:''' Holy moly! J.T. is on every page! That's a lot of lines, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' Yeah, I think he's one of the leads.
:'''Cosineau:''' ''[Gasps]'' No! You say, &quot;Oh, we're just a bunch of swim instructors.&quot; That's the title! They can't cut that!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cosineau:''' I'm trying to give you the view from ten thousand feet before we dive in and break it down scene-by-scene. So, Scene One: Loss.
:'''Barry:''' Mm-hm.
:'''Cosineau:''' Scene Two: You shit in a pie.
:'''Barry:''' So, uh... relief?
:'''Cosineau:''' No, I think It's a little more nuanced than that; I think it's about vengeance.
:'''Barry:''' Okay.
:'''Cosineau:''' And then, Scene Three: Whoopsie! You eat the shit pie. Comeuppance. &quot;He who seeks revenge digs two graves&quot;, Barry. It's a tale as old as time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cosineau:''' Whose cock did you have to suck in a former life?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' Hey, Ike, you shitbird! ''[High-Pitched]'' You want a little pie? Mr. Cousineau said I should, um, put a little mustard on &quot;pie&quot; there-
:'''Sally:''' I'm sorry. Can we, um Can we stop?
:'''Barry:''' Sure.
:'''Sally:''' For a second. I just I feel like I need to say something, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' Okay.
:'''Sally:''' This piece that I'm doing for class. It's exactly what I should be doing.
:'''Barry:''' Yeah, no, and it's great! What you're doing is-
:'''Sally:''' I'm terrified, okay? Because my piece is real. It's not a character. It's me. Raw, unapologetic truth with a capital &quot;T. &quot; I mean, all caps, actually. I'm thinking like a writer now. I mean, this was stuff that I couldn't even talk about without lying. And here I am, about to strip naked in front of a bunch of strangers and share something that I am massively ashamed of -- Not literally. I don't believe in nudity unless it drives the story forward. -- I'm afraid that they're gonna judge me, and I'm afraid that Sam's gonna find out and do something crazy. But I have to do this. It's it's my story to tell. But then, I mean, so many other women have the same story. What, am I a spokesperson for them now? Could I be the face of a movement? I mean, what if I get it wrong? I mean, I resent the fact that Nick can get up there and talk about his &quot;stomach condition,&quot; and it's not like he has to be the poster boy for bulimia. But I get up there, and whatever I say, it's like, &quot;What are we saying about women?&quot; I mean, this is just my story! &quot;But what if you get it wrong, Sally?&quot; &quot;I don't know.&quot; &quot;You can't get it wrong, Sally. But you can't not tell it either, Sally, because it's who you are.&quot; Which makes this thing that my agents sent me on today so fucking insulting. ''Payback Ladies''? It's just another shit male idea of what strong women are. Oh, oh, oh, &quot;Grab a gun and some stilettos and get a goddamn blowout. And look how strong you are now, Sally!&quot; It's bullshit! Which, by the way, so is this. It's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever read. But you want to know the worst part? You want to know what's really driving me fucking crazy? I am so jealous that you're reading for this. I have never had a director's session for a feature, which is the same thing as a movie, P. S. And I have been doing this for way longer, and I think you'd agree that I am ''way'' better. I ''made'' you! And I'm actually represented by Gersh. Well, at least I was. I don't even know if they'd rep me anymore after what I said in there today, but still at least I held my ground, because I am an artist, okay, an artist, and this is not fucking art. But then, I mean, to be honest, of course I'm so happy for you. I mean, of course I want you to get this part, and I want to be the one to help you learn your lines and fix your inflections. But I need you to know that if you do get it, it's gonna make me like like a hundred times more insane. Okay? ''[Sighs]'' Continue.
:'''Barry:''' Hey, Ike, you shitbird! You want a little pie?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''NoHo Hank''': Hey, guys, since we're all about to die in a moment, I have to be honest about something, okay? I have been deceiving you guys and before we die, I have to come clean. I know you look at me and you see hard as nails criminal, stone-cold killer, Iceman. But, uh... This is lie. In fact, I have been lying about who I am my entire life. Real talk? I should not be manager of crime syndicate! I should be manager of hotel -- chain of hotels! Instead of being this conning man, playing the role of the ruthless gangster. I mean, that is not who I am, because the truth bomb of it is -- maybe not a lot of you, so be it. I'm nice. I'm polite. I'm optometrist by nature, you know? But because I did not have courage to stand up and be my true self, nice guy, and instead chose pants-on-fire existence, we are all on the barbecue bus. So, guys, I am really sorry for, uh, convincing you I was ruthless leader. I will regret it for the rest of my life. Probably two more minutes. So, in closing, hopefully there is afterlife, and I can host you all in heaven and make you delicious appetizers. Wouldn't that be something, guys? Guys? Guys!

=== ''berkman &gt; block'' [2.08] ===
:'''Fuches:''' Murder... Je- I used to think people like you were the ''shit'', man. Badasses like yourself always fascinated me. But- But doing it, y'know, actually pulling the trigger, ending a life... that takes someone with no soul.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fuches:''' You know... you could save your little acting teacher. You know that, right?
:'''Barry:''' I'm gonna fucking kill you, Fuches.
:'''Fuches:''' All you have to do is turn yourself in. Give it all up for him. Yeah? Not so altruistic now, are you mother''fucker''? Now who's out of moves? Bye bye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mae Dunn:''' Okay. You're free to go!
:'''Barry:''' Can I see Mr. Cousineau?
:'''Dunn:''' Oh, no, we think he killed his girlfriend, so he's staying here with us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fuches:''' Barry Berkman did this.

== Season 3 ==
=== ''forgiving jeff'' [3.01] ===
:'''Barry''': I thought you wanted to watch him suffer.
:'''Charles''': I know, but, um... he's asked for my forgiveness. Y-- Y'know, he made some valid points! So, uh... I'm forgiving Jeff.
:'''Barry''': ...you're forgiving Jeff.
:'''Jeff''': I'm sorry I fucked your wife.
:'''Charles''': He's sorry he fucked my wife! ''[He laughs.]'' Y'know, and she's no saint either! Okay? There's a whole ''history'' we don't need to get into! I- I... I think I just overreacted.
:''[Barry shoots Charles and Jeff before walking off to his car. He shouts to the corpses behind him:]''
:'''Barry''': There's no forgiving Jeff!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cristobal''': I can't make anything happen until I rebuild. Your little boyfriend Barry killed all my buddies. You know this.
:'''Hank''': Well, you know that he killed most of my buddies, too.
:'''Cristobal''': I don't want to talk about Barry! When I do, I can't sleep. Plus... He killed all my buddies.
:'''Hank''': We both had buddies killed.
:'''Cristobal''': You have some buddies. I have no buddies.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hank''': Barry. Forgiveness is something that has to be ''earned''. And whatever shit you're going through? I can't be part of it. I'm embracing my life. It's like that line in ''[[w: The Shawshank Redemption (film) | Shawshank Redemption]]''... &quot;[[w: Get Rich or Die Tryin'|Get rich, or die trying]].&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry''': You look good!
:'''Gene''': So do you.
:'''Barry''': Downstairs looks like a lot of work.
:'''Gene''': It is.
:'''Barry''': Must be hard, uh, closing up this place. So, if you're not teaching anymore, are you gonna go back to performing, or...?
:'''Gene''': My career is ''shit'', Barry. You know that.
:'''Barry''': Well, are you, uh... doing well otherwise?
:'''Gene''': Remember that day in the woods? I've been thinking about that a lot. Remember the guy that took me into the woods? What was his name? Like the singer... Goulet. Kenneth Goulet. 
:'''Barry''': Yeah.
:'''Gene''': After he popped the trunk... and I saw what I saw... He whispered into my ear. He said &quot;Barry Berkman did this.&quot; I know you killed Janice.
:''[Gene reaches under his desk, pointing something at Barry.]''
:'''Gene''': So, you have two choices: Come with me to the station, turn yourself in. Or ''fuckin' die''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gene''': Look... I promise you, this is water under the bridge! Whatever you've done, I've forgot it! I've forgiven you! I forgive you!
:'''Barry''': Forgiveness has to be earned...
:'''Gene''': ''Then fuckin' earn it!''

=== ''limonada'' [3.02] ===
:'''Barry''': ''[about Cousineau]'' If you actually felt that way, you do something about it, but you're not doing anything about it, so now I have to do something about it. I came here for your help and you're not giving it to me.
:'''Sally''': Are you okay? Because you seem a little manic.
:'''Barry''': I'm worried about him.
:'''Sally''': So am I. Which is why I tried to get him on my show. We're saying the same thing.
:'''Barry''': ''[slaps his face]'' WE ARE NOT SAYING THE SAME THING! WE ARE NOT SAYING THE SAME THING! IF I DON'T DO THIS, I DON'T LIVE! I HAVE TO DO THIS TO FUCKING LIVE!
:'''Sally''': ''[starts laughing]''
:'''Barry''': Don't fucking laugh at me! My whole life! My whole...fucking life! 
:'''Sally''': Barry.
:'''Barry''': I need you to do this for me now! NOW! Do it! DO IT!
:'''Sally''': Okay, I see...you're very upset right now...look, I, I, I'm sorry...I tried...and I, I, I can't.
:'''Barry''': Shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cousineau''': So you're going to hold me hostage until you book me a part? That's not the way it works. We're talking about me here. That could take years. Look what I'm saying to you is that your plan sucks. Look, I swear on Janice's soul I will not say a word to anyone-
:'''Barry''': It's either this or I kill you.
:'''Cousineau''': You're one of the good guys Barry. You did a horrible thing. But I see your pain. It is the same pain you came to me with, fresh out of the army. A lost soul. No one to tell you your worth. I took you in. Not only did I teach you to be a good actor, I taught you to be a good human being. And this is how you repay me? By killing me?
:'''Barry''': I love you, Mr. Cousineau.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry''': I told that casting director our story and he was so moved...that he gave us both parts. So you're going to enjoy everything that comes with being given a second chance...because if you don't...this one ''[gestures to Gene's grandson]''...and that one ''[gestures to Leo]''...go away. Do you understand?
:''[Gene nods]''
:'''Barry''': ''[emotionally]'' I love you, Mr. Cousineau. Do you love me?
:''[Gene nods again]''
:'''Barry''': Can you say it?
:'''Gene''': ''[contemptuously]'' I love you, Barry.
:'''Barry''': ...can you say it again?

=== ''ben mendelsohn'' [3.03] ===
:''[Cousineau sits in his trailer, alone. From somewhere offscreen, Barry enters.]''
:'''Barry:''' They let me keep my beard! Yeah, they said some Pharma guys actually have a beard like this.
:''[Barry pats Cousineau on the shoulder. Cousineau flinches and rolls both his shoulders. Barry groans and sits across from him.]''
:'''Barry:''' Wanna run lines? Yeah, alright. &quot;What I did was terrible, and I'm truly sorry.&quot;
:'''Cousineau:''' &quot;I accept your apology.&quot;
:'''Barry:''' That was great! Ah, man. This trailer is nice! I might go over to the ''Wheel of Fortune'' building, take some pictures--
:'''Cousineau:''' Did she suffer?
:''[A prolonged beat as Barry's smile slides off his face. He shakes his head &quot;no&quot;.]''
:'''Cousineau:''' But she figured out that it was you she was looking for. And I invited you to my cabin...
:''[Barry sighs.]''
:'''Cousineau:''' Who was that guy that took me into the woods?
:'''Barry:''' He's nobody. Actually, y'know what? That's not true; I wanna be honest with you because I think we have a good thing going here, um... He's a family friend. He's actually kinda like a--
:'''Cousineau:''' An uncle? He got you into this line of work? So that monologue... that you gave me when I first met you, that was fuckin' true! And then I said it again at the dinner table... And she knew it was you.
:'''Barry:''' Hey, we don't need to rehash all this--
:'''Cousineau:''' If I didn't say anything... She'd be alive today.
:'''Barry:''' Aw, no, don't put that on yourself, Mr. Cousineau. No, she was good at her job. The whole thing's just really unfortunate, y'know? Look, I believe -- a-and some of this, I got from your teachings -- that... That, that you can be the version of yourself that you wanna be. 
:'''Cousineau:''' I never said that to you.
:'''Barry:''' What I'm saying is... is that I never would've learned that if it wasn't for you.
:'''Cousineau:''' ''So I'm responsible for who you are?''
:'''Barry:''' The positive side, yeah! I mean, meeting you changed my life for the better, you know?
:''[Beat]''
:'''Barry:''' Look, we've both done terrible things in our lives, but we're helping each other... make up for it! Ya know? I mean, you got a line! ''[Barry chuckles sardonically.]'' You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fuches and Barry are on a phone call.]''
:'''Fuches:''' I wanna say... I'm sorry, for whatever it is you think I did to hurt your relationship with Mr. Cousineau.
:'''Barry:''' Okay.
:'''Fuches:''' Okay, good! Good. Uh, now in the spirit of that comment, is there something you'd like to say to me?
:'''Barry:''' No.
:''[Beat.]''
:'''Fuches:''' I'm dying, Barry. I'm in the hostpital. Doctors are being cagey -- not a lot of eye contact. So if there ever was a time you did wanna say something to me, now would be that time.
:'''Barry:''' Are those goats in the background?
:'''Fuches:''' I can give you some apology options off the top of my head, Barry -- &quot;I'm sorry I ''shot at you!'' I'm sorry I ruined your heroin deal with the Burmese!&quot;
:'''Barry:''' Alright, I don't have time for this, okay? Me and Mr. Cousineau are fine, please don't call me again. Alright?
:''[Barry hangs up his phone. It buzzes again.]''
:'''Barry:''' Yeah.
:'''Fuches:''' The fuck do you mean, you and Cousineau are fine?
:'''Barry:''' I mean we're ''fine.'' We worked our shit out together. Actually, we're working together today.
:'''Fuches:''' Oh, you're working?
:'''Barry:''' Yeah! On a show called ''Laws of Humanity''.
:'''Fuches:''' ...That's a great show.
:'''Barry:''' And I know you told him I killed Janice, but we hashed it out. Like adults. So there's no need to apologize, because your old fuckin' plan didn't work.
:'''Fuches:''' Ah, you're good, are ya? You're never gonna move past that! You destroyed that guy's life!
:'''Barry:''' Yeah, well now I'm making it up to him. By acting.
:'''Fuches:''' How the fuck do you do that?!
:'''Barry:''' Why do you care?
:'''Fuches:''' I ''don't'' care!
:'''Barry:''' Well you obviously fuckin' care, you called me!
:'''Fuches:''' You called me.
:'''Barry:''' You are ''fuckin{{'}}'' nuts, man! Also, I know you're on a farm or something because I can hear goats in the background.
:'''Fuches:''' Maybe I'm at the zoo, with my ''new best friend!''
:'''Barry:''' Thought you said you were at a hospital.
:''[Fuches screams into the receiver and throws his phone on the ground.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Barry and Cousineau are filming their scene together. Gene (playing a widower) sits in a chair while Barry (a Pharmaceutical head) stands behind him.]''
:'''Barry:''' Sir, my, uh... company knowingly hiked the prices of a drug that would've saved your wife's life. What I did was terrible, and I'm truly sorry.
:''[A beat. Gene slowly stands and turns to face Barry. They stare each other down for a few seconds before Gene takes a wild swing, striking Barry across the jaw.]''
:'''Cousineau:''' I want you to stay away from my family! Fuck you and don't talk to me anymore ''you piece of '''shit!'''''
:''[Gene storms off the set.]''

=== ''all the sauces'' [3.04] ===
:''[Barry stands outside Sally's show premiere. Sally approaches him.]''
:'''Sally:''' Hey.
:'''Barry:''' I missed it.
:'''Sally:''' Yeah, you did.
:'''Barry:''' Ah, fuck. I'm sorry. You look great.
:'''Sally:''' Thanks.
:'''Barry:''' How did it go?
:'''Sally:''' Honestly? It was... the greatest night of my life.
:'''Barry:''' That's great! Hey, I'm sorry...
:'''Sally:''' Barry, we're done.
:'''Barry:''' What, because I missed the premiere?
:'''Sally:''' The way you yelled at me the other day, at the office? I-- It sent me to a place I never wanna go again. This relationship isn't good for me.
:'''Barry:''' Wait, are you serious? I had a bad day! Wha-- I can't have a bad day?!
:'''Sally:''' I'm gonna stay at Natalie's, so I need you to go to the apartment and pack up your stuff and move out.
:''[Sally walks to her car.]''
:'''Barry:''' No, no, no, no, hey-- Sally! ''Sally!''

=== ''crazytimeshitshow'' [3.05] ===
:'''Barry:''' I'm just gonna freak her out a little bit
:'''Sally:''' Freak her out how?
:'''Barry:''' Oh, there's a lot of ways. It's, you know... nothing bad. No, it's just... like, for instance, I could... send her a picture of herself sleeping. You know, just as a way of being like, &quot;Hey, not cool what you did to Sally, you know?&quot;
:'''Sally:''' ...so you'd break into her house?
:'''Barry:''' Oh, she'd never know I was there. The whole point is to isolate her and make her feel like she's going insane. So, I would just do little things, like replace her dog with a slightly different dog, or, you know, change the furniture in her house so she thinks she's shrinking. You know, basic stuff. Most of it I learned in the military. Some of it on a subreddit. You know? Basically, just plant a seed, and then they just kinda hang themselves, so it's super nonviolent. But by the end of it, like, her brain will have essentially eaten itself, you know? But that's on the table if you want it. Okay?

=== ''710N'' [3.06] ===
:'''Barry:''' What'd you put in the sauce?
:'''Sharon:''' Die, you motherfucker.

=== ''candy asses'' [3.07] ===
:'''Jim Moss:''' I was in 'Nam. I was a fighter pilot.
:'''Fuches:''' No shit.
:'''Moss:''' Yeah, got shot down. Captured.
:'''Fuches:''' Candy asses. They make you talk?
:'''Moss:''' I got in my interrogator's head and he ended up committing suicide. Me and some of the other guys escaped.
:'''Fuches:''' ...you convinced your interrogator to kill himself?
:'''Moss:''' Yeah! Some of the other guys said I had an aptitude for it. But, uh, I thought I was just being nice, but when I got to SERE school, they pulled me out of class and made me an instructor.
:'''Fuches:''' And the guy killed himself? Hm. Was he depressed?
:'''Moss:''' I wanted my daughter, Janice, to get into it, but she resisted. She said &quot;Daddy, what you do is fucked up.&quot;
:'''Fuches:''' Did you get any sense of his home life?
:'''Moss:''' Yeah, and then she went and did her homicide thing. I was proud of her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''George Krempf''': You know the sound of kids' footsteps early in the morning? I still hear it. I can hear him in his room on his computer. I'll talk to him from my office across the hall. ''[laughs]'' Full conversations. My wife says I'm... losing my mind. She, uhh, she thinks this city turned him into some devil. I... I never wanted to hurt anyone my whole life. Until we had Ryan. Oh, the love I had for that child. It terrified me. I mean... what would I do if something happened to him? ''[laughs]'' A-and then I-I found what you did and... I can't. I-I-I could leave you here, and you'll rot. But I can't. Why? ''[sighs]'' Why? I want to see my son again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally''': ...so you have your own show?
:'''Natalie''': Yeah.
:'''Sally''': Hm. What's it about?
:'''Natalie''': I play a single mom, I have a cupcake store with my daughter in Central Park.
:'''Sally''': What's it called?
:'''Natalie''': &quot;Just Desserts&quot;.
:'''Sally''': So you stole my show.
:'''Natalie''': No, it's actually a really important story to me, I--
:'''Sally''': It's not a story... It's a fucking math equation!
:'''Natalie''': I'm actually feeling really uncomfortable right now...
:'''Sally''': You have ''nothing'' to say about ''anything'', you've never struggled a day in your whole ''fucking life!'' You've-- Nobody's ever put a hand around your fucking neck, this was my story! ''My story!'' You don't even have a fucking daughter!
:'''Natalie''': Neither do you, Sally!
:''[Sally roars, slamming her hand against the wall.]''
:'''Sally''': You are nothing without me! You are NOTHING! Nobody-- Stupid piece of ''shit''! I brought you into the fold, and this is how you ''fucking betray me?!''
:'''Natalie''': I moved your carrots for you!
:'''Sally''': You entitled ''CUNT!'' '''''YOU ENTITLED FUCKING CUNT!''''' YOU ''ENTITLED'' '''''FUCKING CUNT!''''' You entitled ''fucking'' cunt!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fuches''': You ever wonder why Chris, who never saw combat, was basically a computer geek, would even ''have'' PTSD? Oh, he loved Sharon and Theo, they were his whole world. Why would he take himself out, knowing something like that would fuck them up for life? Well, that, uh, switch you saw go off when Barry was &quot;avenging&quot; you? I harnessed that into a very lucrative job for him. One day, I sent Barry out on a mission, went sideways, and, well, Chris... He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Saw some shit he shouldn't have. Y'know, Barry still participates in those charity runs that Sharon does in Chris's memory? Barry's a good guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally''': My show. Is me, Lindsay. And she stole my fucking show!
:'''Lindsay''': If you had just let me deal with this, instead-- Why did you have to say something?
:'''Sally''': Oh, fuck off! You don't care about me! You don't care about ''Joplin''! You just care about your commission! &quot;Oh! Oh, it's so important to have a-- a great relationship with BanShe!&quot; ''You'' want the relationship with BanShe, ''not'' me. ''You'' work. For ''me''! And I am ''fucking drowning!'' And instead of trying to ''help'' me, you're just trying to save yourself! This is honest, okay? This is the honest fucking truth. And if that makes me unhireable, then I am fucking unhireable, but ''at least I told the fucking truth!''
:'''Lindsay''': ...I have to drop you.
:'''Sally''': ...Good. 'Cause I don't wanna work with liars.

=== ''starting now'' [3.08] ===
:''[Out near the tree that the season started with, Barry kicks the member of the motorcycle gang that Sally killed into a shallow grave. He has just finished his handiwork when a voice calls out:]''
:'''Albert:''' Berkman!
:''[Barry freezes, clearly recognizing the voice. He turns around and approaches his former war buddy to get a closer look.]''
:'''Albert:''' What're you doin', Berkman?
:''[Barry can only stare, slack-jawed.]''
:'''Albert:''' How much you get for that asshole over there? Huh? How much did they pay you?
:''[Barry regains some of his composure and swallows, ready to respond, before Albert asks:]''
:'''Albert:''' How much did you get for Chris? Huh?! How much, Berkman?
:''[Barry falls to his knees.]''
:'''Albert:''' HOW MUCH DID THEY GIVE YOU FOR CHRIS?! 'Cause he was an innocent, Barry! You gotta tell me right now, Barry. Why? Why Chris?
:''[Barry begins to shake, breathing heavily.]''
:'''Albert:''' He was a sweetheart, he looked up to you! But you had to take him out, right? You need to tell me, Barry! Why Chris?!
:''[Barry remains silent.]''
:'''Albert:''' Tell me, Barry! Tell me! TELL ME RIGHT NOW!
:''[Barry's shaking resumes and he begins to hyperventilate.]''
:'''Albert:''' DON'T JUST FUCKIN' SIT THERE, YOU FUCKIN' TELL ME! YOU NEED TO TELL ME--! '''''ENOUGH!'''''
:''[Albert pulls out his gun and advances on Barry. Barry screeches, curling into a ball on the ground.]''
:'''Albert:''' ''ENOUGH! SHUT UP!''
:''[Barry's cries devolve into hysterical weeping. Albert stands above him with the gun.]''
:'''Barry:''' No-- ''Please!'' Don't-- No! No..!
:''[Albert lowers the gun.]''
:'''Albert:''' Look up, Barry. ''Barry.'' B- Barry, listen to me, calm down. I got a daughter. Her name is Elsie, she's eight years old. She wouldn't be here if you hadn't saved my life. I know evil, Barry. And you're not evil. But this... has to stop. All of it's gotta stop! ...you hear me? Starting. ''Now.''
:''[Albert turns away from Barry, walking out into the desert.]''

== Season 4 ==

=== ''yikes'' [4.01] ===
:'''Barry:''' Mr. Cousineau?
:'''Cousineau:''' Yeah?
:'''Barry:''' Did you guys trick me? Are you and Jim Moss working together? Are you there? Look, Mr. Cousineau, I-- I want you to know I went there because I was worried about you, and I was protecting you. You know that, right? You know that, right...? Are you mad at me? Mr. Cousineau, are you mad at me? Because I love you.
:'''Cousineau:''' What did you say?
:'''Barry:''' I said I love you.
:'''Cousineau:''' Hey, Barry?
:'''Barry:''' Yeah?
:'''Cousineau:''' ''I got you.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guard:''' Look, I know they say you did a bad thing, but I'm sure you're not a bad guy! I mean, heck, you were in the marines man! That's pretty special! And you were-- You were also on TV! ''Laws of Humanity''? That's a great show... When I was feeling low, my mom always used to say, &quot;Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.&quot; I always liked that. It gave me hope.
:'''Barry:''' I'm a cop killer. I'm a fuckin' cop killer. If I saw you walking down the street, I'd fucking kill you, I'd kill your fucking kids, I'd kill your fucking wife... and I'd kill your fucking mom.

=== ''bestest place on the earth'' [4.02] ===
:'''Barry:''' I'm sorry.
:'''Sally:''' Hello. How are you?
:'''Barry:''' I am really sorry...
:'''Sally:''' How are you?
:'''Barry:''' I-- I fucked up. I'm really sorry, Sally.
:'''Sally:''' How's Muffin?
:'''Barry:''' ...who's Muffin?
:'''Sally:''' Muffin? Our dog, Muffin, remember? [[w: Starting Now | Before you were arrested, Muffin bit me and you said you were gonna find him a new home.]] Did you?
:'''Barry:''' I told you what I did to Muffin.
:'''Sally:''' No, you didn't tell me, that's why I flew all the way here. Where's the dog, Barry?
:'''Barry:''' Honey, the dog has a new home. The dog's safe. You got nothing to worry about, you're okay... Is that the only thing you came here for?
:'''Sally:''' Yeah.
:'''Barry:''' ...then why aren't you leaving?
:''[Sally tears up.]''
:'''Sally:''' ...I tried to go home and it was just so awful--
:'''Barry:''' Sally, I didn't-- I didn't lie to you.
:'''Sally:''' You did!
:'''Barry:''' I didn't lie to you...
:'''Sally:''' You ''did!''
:'''Barry:''' I didn't lie to you, I just-- I didn't tell you the part I didn't want to be true. Sally, I'm a piece of shit. You gave me a life I don't fuckin' deserve. You were so loving to me. And you made me feel... Like a fucking human. And that was just you being you -- just you being Sally. Why aren't you leaving?
:'''Sally:''' I feel safe with you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John:''' Bro, this is my youngest son, Barry.
:'''Fuches:''' Ah, hey there, big guy! Your dad, uh... Tells me you're shy, you gonna be shy with me?
:'''John:''' Barry, say hello...
:'''Fuches:''' Nah, it's-- Hey! I hear you like, uh, playing army. Y'know, your dad and I used to play army...
:'''John:''' Barry!
:'''Fuches:''' No, it's alright! There's no need to pressure him there, John. It was nice to meet you, son! It really was. Y'know, maybe one of these days, uh... you'll let me play army with you, yeah?

=== ''you're charming'' [4.03] ===
:'''Lou:''' ''[referring to Cousineau's testimony]'' He's saying that you killed her. You kidnapped him, and that you threatened his family.
:'''Barry:''' He told you that?
:'''Lou:''' It took over three hours. But yes, he told me that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' If he's saying that stuff and he's running his mouth, that's gonna fuck shit up. And if you-- If you publish it--
:'''Lou:''' I mean, I'm gonna publish it. It's really just your chance to say your piece. I'm only trying to be fair here.
:''[Barry slams the receiver against the table and stands up.]''
:'''Barry:''' You know what would be fair?! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUCKIN' FAIR?! Is if Gene Cousineau stops telling my life story! That's what would be fucking fair! Tell Gene Cousineau to SHUT HIS FUCKIN' MOUTH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Why are you lying to me, Barry?
:'''Barry:''' Wh- Why would you say I'm lying? I don't get-- I'm not lying.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' You're lying to me right now.
:'''Barry:''' Hank, what are you talking about?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Barry, I have been nothing but good friend to you, and... Like, all you do is you take. And you take, and you take.
:'''Barry:''' Hank. I don't know where this is coming from, man, but I'm coming to you with some really important information, I think you need to... listen to me and take this-- and this is coming from my heart, man, we've been friends for a long time.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' It's like-- It's like you're only out for yourself.
:'''Barry:''' That's not true. That is not true. I dunno who you're talking to, I don't know who everybody's talking to, but I have been nothing...
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Oh, yeah?
:'''Barry:''' ...but good to people. I'm a good friend, I am a good person, that is who I am. Okay? This is me looking out for you. Alright?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Then why are you talking to the Feds?
:'''Barry:''' See, now, why are you lying? See, now, you're lying to me. I wouldn't talk to the Feds. You think I'd do that, motherfucker? You think that's the kinda person I am? That I would talk to the Feds? I'm gonna forget you said that, and you're gonna do what I ask. You're gonna get the dog catcher for me, alright?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I'm not doing shit for you, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' Hank.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' No.
:'''Barry:''' Hank--
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Not anymore.
:'''Barry:''' Shut up! Hank, do what I say, 'cause if I fucking get out of here, man, you are f--
:'''NoHo Hank:''' The day you get out of prison is my fucking birthday, man, okay?
:'''Barry:''' Oh, you're a tough guy now? Oh, you think you're a tough guy? Is that what it is, Hank? You think you're fucking tough? You're not fucking tough, Hank. You don't know what fucking tough ''is'', motherfucker! You fucked up.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' ''(overlapping with Barry)'' Why don't you enjoy hell, you murdering, self-centered, lying, fucking narcissistic piece of shit?
:'''Batty:''' ''(overlapping with Hank)'' You're fucking dead. Fuck you! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD! You fucked up, Hank! I'm coming for you when I get out of here, I'm--

=== ''it takes a psycho'' [4.04] ===
:'''Cristobal:''' You killed all those men.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' ...that's what's bothering you?
:'''Cristobal:''' They were our partners...
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Yeah, but now we have Chechens who will die for us. You think those guys would've done that?
:'''Cristobal:''' They trusted us!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Right. And you don't think they would've fucked us over the first chance that they got? I think we both got blinded by the idea of a perfect world, but it's unrealistic. You want to be a crime lord? Now we are crime lords.
:'''Cristobal:''' No, I-- I wanted to be legitimate!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' When you say that word... you sound naïve.
:'''Cristobal:''' Why would you go along with all of it if you didn’t want to--?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I tried. I tried, for you. Again: Andres and Petyr would've wiped us out.
:'''Cristobal:''' ...who are you?
:'''NoHo Hank:''' ...I'm Hank.
:'''Cristobal:''' No. You're not.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I feel more like myself than I ever have.
:'''Cristobal:''' The man I love would've never done something so cold-blooded.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I don't understand-- I don't understand why you're so shocked by this, okay? I've been keeping us safe.
:'''Cristobal:''' Look, I would never fall in love with a psychopath!
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Yeah, well it took a psychopath to save you from your crazy ''fucking'' wife, okay? Now, to lead an organization like this... You have to make the hard decisions, you have to take control because if you don't, then you get fucking... walked over, you get taken advantage of, okay? I'm sorry, but that does not jive with peace and love and harmony! I'm sorry, it just doesn’t!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cristobal:''' ''[last words]'' It's over, Hank. It's done. Get away from me. Go.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' Barry?
:'''Barry:''' Sally. I know this is crazy, but if I could just stay here--
:'''Sally:''' Let's go.
:'''Barry:''' Really?

=== ''tricky legacies'' [4.05] ===
:'''John:''' You were in a war?
:'''Barry:''' Well, John, I was gonna wait to tell you this... But-- Ooh, let's do this on the swing. Uh... Yeah, I was in war. I was a marine.
:'''John:''' A soldier?
:'''Barry:''' Yeah! Marines are the best soldiers. Some call me 'marine', other people... Well, they call me 'hero', but I don't like putting labels on things. You wanna keep that in your room?
:''[John nods.]''
:'''Barry:''' You know... I found out some, uh, interesting stuff about our buddy, [[w: Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]]. [[w: Dakota War of 1862|Turns out he had a bunch of Native Americans killed. Executed, yeah.]] [[w: Linconia|He also proposed that black people that they go back to Africa.]] Got hundreds of men killed at [[w: Battle of Shiloh|Shiloh]] and [[w: Battle of Antietam|Antietam]]  ''[Barry sighs deeply.]'' News to me... [[w: Augustine of Hippo|Saint Augustine?]] [[w: Augustine of Hippo#Sexuality|The man was addicted to bathhouses, John.]] Now he's, what, third most googled saint? Something like that? [[w: Mahatma Gandhi|Gandhi? The original hippie, Gandhi?]] He, uh... Wait, I read it. Gandhi, uh, what'd he do? Oh, yeah. [[w: Kasturba Gandhi#Health and death|His wife had pneumonia. Doctors said, &quot;You gotta give her penicillin,&quot; but he said &quot;no&quot; because of his religious beliefs.]] But then when he got malaria, he said &quot;give me the drug.&quot; Tricky... tricky legacy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' So, we were on patrol, and we came to this village and two elders were arguing over who killed the other person's donkey, which was a typical occurrence over there. And then, uh, a shot rang out.
:''[John gasps.]''
:'''Barry:''' And do you know who was shot?
:'''John:''' Who?
:'''Barry:''' Albert.
:'''John:''' Your best friend?
:'''Barry:''' Yeah. And I heard them shout my name. &quot;Medic! Medic! Get up here!&quot; So, I ran up there, and when I found him, he was all messed up. He looked terrible. And they told me, they said, &quot;Clark, he's a goner.&quot; And I said, &quot;Not on my watch.&quot; And I patched him up. And I saved his life.
:'''John:''' Did you kill the guys who shot him?
:'''Barry:''' No, no, no. No, my job was to protect our boys. Just like I'm protecting you, John.
:'''John:''' I love you so much, Dad.
:'''Barry:''' Oh... I love you, too. I love you too, buddy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' ''Barry!''
:'''John:''' Who's Barry?
:'''Barry:''' What?!
:'''Sally:''' They're making a movie about us.
:'''Barry:''' ...I'm gonna have to kill Cousineau.

=== ''the wizard'' [4.06] ===
:'''Nick San Angelo:''' Hey, everybody! It's Pastor Nick San Angelo again! And on today's podcast, we're gonna talk about how murder is definitely not a sin. Now, the Bible is filled with tons of righteous and justified killings. Most of them are my favorite part of the book! But how are you supposed to know in your own life when it's okay to use violence? Well, as many of you know, I was an enforcer for the Rockford Ice Hawks, and in 1997, I was sentenced to 10 years for killing Billy Zarillo in an exhibition game. Since then, people have been surprised about my general lack of guilt around this incident. I just tell 'em, &quot;it's because it was done within my faith.&quot; Now, what does that mean? It means, I prayed about it and I looked for God's signs. If you go back and watch the replay, you'll see Zarillo check my teammate, Mark Flanagan, putting him in the hospital. This pissed me off. This gave me an intense feeling that I knew was a sign from God saying, &quot;You got My blessing, Nicky.&quot;
:'''Barry:''' Bingo!

=== ''a nice meal'' [4.07] ===
:'''Barry:''' Lord, please watch over me, and fill me with Your courage and grace. Please watch over my son, John, and fill his heart with his Daddy's love...
:'''Jim Moss:''' So you're a man of God now?
:'''Barry:''' Please take away all his nightmares and give him good sleep...
:'''Jim:''' You think, because you've repented, you get to ''choose'' where you're gonna go after you die?
:'''Barry:''' And give his mother the strength to look over him...
:'''Jim Moss:''' You know where you're going. And you're afraid.
:'''Barry:''' I just want my boy to be safe! Why are you showing me this?
:'''Jim Moss:''' I'm not showing you anything. This is all in your head, Barry.
:'''Barry:''' ...Why can't I feel my arms and legs?
:'''Jim Moss:''' I cut them off.
:'''Barry:''' Please--
:'''Jim Moss:''' I want you to experience seeing the people you love, for the last time.
:'''Barry:''' John! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, John!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' Mr. Cousineau, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, I tried to fix things! Honestly, I tried to fix things! I shouldn't have given you that money! 250,000 dollars!
:'''Moss:''' 250,000 dollars?
:'''Barry:''' I was trying to fix things...
:'''Moss:''' 250,000 dollars...
:'''Barry:''' I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
:'''Moss:''' For who, Barry?
:'''Barry:''' Mr. Cousineau! I'm so sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' Sally! Sally. I'm okay. Listen, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you--
:'''NoHo Hank:''' Hey, man! I've got two people here who want to say &quot;Hi&quot; to you. Say &quot;hello&quot;! ''Say it!''
:'''John:''' Dad, please come get us!
:'''Sally:''' Barry. Help us.
:'''NoHo Hank:''' I'll text you the address. Come quick if you want to see your family again.

=== ''wow'' [4.08] ===
:'''Hank:''' Let me guess: you were in a bad place and you felt like he was the only one who could help you? Good luck. I mean it.
:'''Sally:''' Hank... What's gonna happen to us?
:'''Hank:''' It's not for me to decide.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John:''' Mom, please tell me what's going on.
:''[Sally sighs.]''
:'''Sally:''' We don't move around a lot because of my... 'special job'. It's because we're fugitives. Do you know what that means? It means... people who are hiding from the police. Your dad... well, he escaped prison and I ran away with him.
:'''John:''' Why was he in prison?
:'''Sally:''' Because he killed a lot of people.
:'''John:''' Because he was a soldier?
:'''Sally:''' No. Because he was a murderer. And I'm a murderer, too. I killed a man, and... I deserve whatever happens to me. But you don't. You... You're a good kid. You always do the right thing. I know I never really told you that before, but... You're a good person. I'm not. I'm a bad mother!
:''[John rushes forward and hugs Sally.]''
:'''Sally:''' I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, John!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fuches:''' I used to think I was a soldier, ignoring the fact that I never fought in a battle in my whole life. I was a poser. And I fancied myself a mentor, fostering other men's natural abilities, but it wasn't until I was in prison and I got beaten within an inch of my life day after day that I finally dropped the bullshit... and just accepted who I am: a man with no heart.
:'''Hank''': I am nothing like you, Fuches. You are a weak, pathetic, manipulative little man.
:'''Fuches:''' New deal: I walk away right now, you'll never hear from me again. All you have to do... is admit that you killed Cristobal. Admit that you fucked up. Admit that you were scared. That you hate yourself, that there’s some days you don’t think you deserve to live. And the only thing that’ll make you forget is by being someone else.
:''[Hank starts breaking down.]''
:'''Hank:''' He was the love of my life!
:'''Fuches:''' I know.
:'''Hank:''' It wasn’t supposed to happen!
:'''Fuches:''' It never is.
:'''Hank:''' I just wanted to be safe!
:'''Fuches:''' We all do.
:''[One of Hank's men brings John out. Hank steels himself.]''
:'''Hank:''' You know what? You are a fucking liar. The deal is off. Go fuck yourself!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sally:''' I spoke to Cousineau. I went to his house.
:'''Barry:''' You went to his house?
:'''Sally:''' He might go to jail for Janice's murder. You need to turn yourself in.
:'''Barry:''' Yeah... I don't think that's what God wants for me. I went in there tonight, prepared to die, and for some reason, He spared me. Honey... I've been redeemed.
:'''Sally:''' The only way to be redeemed is by taking responsibility for what you did. And the only way to do that is... by turning yourself in.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry:''' ...you should call the cops.
:'''Tom:''' The cops?
:'''Barry:''' I'm gonna turn myself in--
:''[A shot rings out, and a bullet catches Barry in the shoulder. He drops onto a chair, examining the wound. Cousineau approaches, training his gun on Barry.]''
:'''Barry:''' [last words] Oh, wow.
:''[Cousineau shoots him in the head, point blank.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robert:''' Hey, you wanna go get a drink, or maybe a cup of coffee or something?
:''[Beat.]''
:'''Sally:''' No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John:''' Okay. I love you.
:'''Sally:''' Hey, John? Was it okay?
:'''John:''' Yeah, of course! It always is.
:'''Sally:''' It was good, right?
:'''John:''' Yes.
:'''Sally:''' Okay... Yeah, have fun! Be good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Barry (film):''' I keep having all these nightmares -- all the terrible shit I saw in combat? It's really fucked me up. I just wanted to feel human again. And I'm sick of taking orders.
:'''Cousineau (film):''' No orders from me. But you will get a few notes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cousineau (film):''' You owe me! I took you in and helped you become human again, I fought for you, now it's your turn! You're a soldier. Now do your duty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cousineau (film):''' You shouldn't have come back, Barry. You ruffled a lot of feathers.
:'''Barry (film):''' You're finished, Cousineau!
:'''Cousineau (film):''' You know, Barry, none of this would've happened if you'd helped me clean up that Janice mess. I thought soldiers knew how to take orders.
:'''Barry (film):''' Sometimes, being a good soldier means... not taking orders.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Bill Hader|Bill Hader]] - Barry Berkman/Block
* [[w:Stephen Root|Stephen Root]] - Monroe Fuches
* [[w:Sarah Goldberg|Sarah Goldberg]] - Sally Reed
* [[w:Glenn Fleshler|Glenn Fleshler]] - Goran Pazar
* [[w:Anthony Carrigan|Anthony Carrigan]] - NoHo Hank
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] - Gene Cousineau

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2010s American black comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American comedy-drama TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American crime drama TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American black comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American comedy-drama TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American crime drama TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:HBO shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Big House Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>209468</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951716</id>
      <parentid>3716975</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:23:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="3161" sha1="22j4ebs14cababe57o88146secr76c6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Big House Bunny|Big House Bunny]]''''' is a 1950 [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] [[Bugs Bunny]] cartoon, released in 1950 and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. In the short, Sing Song guard (Yosemite) Sam Shultz mistakes Bugs for a prisoner when he tunnels up inside the jail.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

This cartoon was featured in the Bugs Bunny Mystery Special.

==Dialogue==
:''[Sam, having been tricked into putting on a prison uniform and digging through his cell, finds himself in the warden's office]''
:'''Warden''': ''SCHULTZ!!'' Just what is the meaning of this?! ''[next scene, off-screen]'' I won't stand for anymore of your nonsense! Now, get out! Out!
:'''Yosemite Sam Schultz''': ''[leaves; mutters]'' I hate him.
:''[Next scene, Bugs is walking around with a carrot before Yosemite Sam chases him around the prison. Bugs goes up the stairs and presses the switch on the elevator and goes down while being followed by Sam]''
:'''Yosemite Sam Schultz''': Come back here, you muley-headed maverick! ''[presses the switch, but ends up getting hanged by a rope. He rants about this failure]''
:'''Warden''': ''[through intercom]'' Schultz! OFFICE!!
:''[Next scene, Sam opens the door to the warden's office, he peaks in with his hat taken off and gives a sheepish grin. Only to see Bugs disguised as the warden.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[as warden]'' Well, come in, Schultz. ''[steps closer to the warden's desk. Bugs opens a box of cigars]'' Have a cigar.
:'''Yosemite Sam Schultz''': ''[puts his hat back on and takes a cigar]'' Gee, caroonie caroonies. ''[sniffs at cigar]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Here, pull up a chair and sit down, Schultz. ''[Sam pulls up an electric chair and sits down]'' Schultz, I've been getting some good reports about you. Oh, uh, pardon me, have a light. ''[pulls a breakers that turns on the electric chair causing Sam to get shocked which causes his cigar to turn into ashes and falls to the floor. Then, he accidentally takes off his mustache as he removes some ashes from his cigar]'' Warm enough for you, Schultz?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Yosemite Sam Schultz''': He's gone! He's gone! I'm rid of 'im! ''[celebrates until...]''
:'''Warden''': ''[enraged through intercom]'' '''SCHULTZ!!! ''OFFICE!!!!!'''''
:'''Yosemite Sam Schultz''': ''Oh, no...'' ''[sometime later, Sam wears a prisoner uniform]'' I'd like to know what dirty stool pigeon squealed on me.
:''[Bugs, standing on a stool nearby, twitches his eyebrows at the audience and makes pigeon sounds]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[Bugs Bunny]] / [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]] / Warden

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0042248}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1950 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Prison films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Robin Hood Daffy</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>209552</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951664</id>
      <parentid>3951106</parentid>
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      <text bytes="2919" sha1="nnmes8au8n6u17j2ll6z8pzdu54svh5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Robin Hood Daffy|Robin Hood Daffy]]''''' is a 1958 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros. Pictures, Inc]] theatrical cartoon comedy short, starring [[Daffy Duck]] (in the role of [[w:Robin Hood|Robin Hood]]) and [[Porky Pig]], as part of the [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] series, directed by [[Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]]. It was the last of Jones' parody cartoons with the duo, and the last appearance of Porky in a theatrical cartoon directed by Jones during [[w:Golden age of American animation|the Golden Age of Animation]].
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. Produced by [[w:John W. Burton (animation)|John W. Burton]]. Story by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].''

==Dialogue==
:'''Porky Pig as Friar Tuck''': P-P-Prithee, O travelling clown, c-couldst thou directest me to Robin Hood's hideout? I wouldst fain join me up with his band of jolly outlaws.
:'''Daffy Duck as Robin Hood''': Look no further, good friar, for I am he for whomst thou seekest. I am Robin Hood!
:'''Porky Pig as Friar Tuck''': Oh, c-cut it out; I-I'm serious. If you don't know where he is, just say so.
:'''Daffy Duck as Robin Hood''': ''[swinging from a rope]'' But honest and truly, I am Robin Hood! ''[crashes into a tree]
:'''Porky Pig as Friar Tuck''': ''[sarcastically]'' ''Sure'' you are.
:''[Daffy's bill bends upward again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Daffy comes back from his first failed heist, embedded in a tree trunk]''
:'''Porky Pig as Friar Tuck''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ooh, I don't see how I could have doubted you. Shall we spend all the gold in one place?
:'''Daffy Duck as Robin Hood''': ''[also sarcastically]'' Ho ho, very funny, ha ha, it is to laugh.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[Daffy Duck]] (as Robin Hood) and [[Porky Pig]] (as Friar Tuck)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Robin Hood Daffy}}
[[Category:1958 animated films]]
[[Category:1950s English-language films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:American action adventure films]]
[[Category:American action comedy films]]
[[Category:American fantasy adventure films]]
[[Category:Fantasy-comedy films]]
[[Category:Surreal comedy films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Animated action short films]]
[[Category:Spoof films]]
[[Category:Robin Hood animated films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated films set in England]]
[[Category:Animated films set in forests]]
[[Category:Animated films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Odd Squad</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>209647</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951854</id>
      <parentid>3736291</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:37:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="12902" sha1="0ocimnmpl50ciqcvlgx2mjhhqvhw6ke" xml:space="preserve">The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

See also: [[Odd Squad: The Movie]]

== Season 1 ==

:'''Olive''': Seems like a quiet day here at the Squad.

=== Zero Effect/ Bad Luck Bears ===

=== My Better Half/ The Confalones ===

=== Training Day ===
{{line}}
:'''Ms O''': No buts, no cuts and no coconuts. Now go! ''[Olive, Otto and Oscar proceed to go, but, they slipped on the marbles Oscar dropped, Olive landed on the couch, while Otto and Oscar landed on the floor]'' And watch out for those marbles.

{{line}}

=== Olive and Otto in Shmumberland ===
{{line}}
:'''Ms O''': Wait, don’t use those gadgets at the same time! ''[Olive and Otto get sucked into the Shmumber-Comic Book]'' Or, that’ll happen.
:'''Olive and Otto''': ''[screams as they fall]''
:'''Otto''': ''[paused the screaming]'' Hey, this is just like the time we fell into the board game.
:''[Olive and Otto continue screaming as the comic book animation changes and they landed in the comic book.]''

=== O is Not for Over ===
Olive: You Want Me Too

== Season 2 ==
=== First Day ===
:''[Olive and Otto go off to start their own Odd Squad. And Otis and Olympia were in their place.]''
:'''Oscar''': What do we do now, Ms O? I mean, Olive and Otto, were the best agents we have.
:'''Ms O''': True! But, I’ve got two new agents, who seemed like they’re up for the job. Incoming!
:''[Otis and Olympia first appeared.]''
:'''Ms O''': There you two are! Something very odd has happened.
:'''Olympia''': Whoa! I’m really here. In Odd Squad.

=== Oscar Strikes Back ===
{{line}}
:''[After Oona defeated Obbs, Owen and Ohio kicked Obbs off the squad, due to a misconduct.]''
:'''Owen''': It is my duty to inform you that you are no longer a member of Odd Squad. Hand it over!
:'''Obbs''': ''[turns in his badge and takes off his labcoat]'' You do realize, that I’m gonna rise up again as a villain.
:'''Owen''': Hey! That’s your choice! Keeps us busy and we like busy. Right, Ohio?
:'''Ohio''': Love it! But, there are better options for you. ''[gives Obbs a pamphlet]'' Life Of grime, villain rehab.

=== And Then There Were Puppies/A Case Of the Sillies ===

:''[As Otis and Olympia enter headquarters, they noticed that there are dogs]''

{{line}}
:'''Oona''': ''[After Dr O came down with the case of the sillies, Ms O recruit Ocean and Oona to team up]'' You want me to work with Ocean?! I don’t even work well with myself.
:'''Ms O''': Well. You’re a scientist and you deal with creatures. The two of you combined, it’s kind of like a doctor.

{{line}}

=== Oona and the Oonabots/The Ninja Situation ===

:'''Oona''': ''[shocked and worried about Otis and Olympia turned to stone]'' Umm. How did this happen exactly?
:'''Ocean''': Ya know how Otis and Olympia are always so helpful?
:'''Oona''': Aww! Yeah!
:'''Ocean''': So, they were helping me catch this creature. Except, the creature’s called the stone turner and if you touch it...
:'''Oona''': You turned to stone.
:'''Ocean''': Thanks! That’s where it was getting long.
:'''Oona''': Ms O will not be happy, if she hears there’s a stone turner on the loose in Headquarters.
:'''Ocean''': Oh. She found out!
:''[Cue Ms O, now a stone.]''
:'''Oona''': Ocean! This is so bad! We need to tell Owen and the security team, so, they can catch this thing.
:'''Ocean''': Oh. I already did!
:''[Cue Owen and two other security agents turned to stone as well.]''
:'''Oona''': The stone turner got them too. Is anyone left that isn’t stoned?
:'''Ocean''': Of course, dude! You and me, that’s why we’re talking.
:'''Oona''': So, it’s coming for us next? We need to get away, or think of a really good pose, in case it catches us. ''[starts making a few poses]'' Like this. Or this. Or this.
:'''Ocean''': Oona! It’s not coming for us. It’s after blue stuff.
:'''Oona''': What?!
:'''Ocean''': The creature’s blue and it likes eating blue stuff. You only turn to stone if you touch it. They tried catching it.

=== Who is Agent Otis ===

:'''Xena''': ''[The Xs think Otis is still a...]'' Villain!

{{line}}
:'''Olympia''': ''[after Otis and Ms O were kicked off Odd Squad, because of her]'' This is the worst day of my life! ''[the light on the truth-or-lie helmet flashes green]''

=== Odds and Ends ===

:'''Olympia''': Well. This is just great! So, we have no idea who the bad agent is, you’re both so kicked off and we’re stuck working with Ohlm forever. ''[sighs]''
:'''Ms O''': Wait. Where is Ohlm?
:'''Oona''': In his office. Or lost. He’s probably lost.
:'''Ms O''': No. I mean, where is his picture?
:'''Oona''': Oh. Uh. I didn’t include him, because, he is not an agent.
:'''Ms O''': When Ohlm first got here, he was Otto’s partner for one day. That was one day before, ''[to Otis]'' You started. March 3rd.
:'''Otis''': That’s when all the break-ins started.
:'''Olympia''': Let me check if Ohlm was in headquarters during all the break-ins. This line graph shows all the villain break-ins during the month of June.
:'''Ms O''': Now, Show all the days that Ohlm was in headquarters.
:'''Olympia''': I don’t believe it. It’s a complete match. Every time, there was a villain break-in, Ohlm was in headquarters.
:'''Otis''': And every time, Ohlm was missing, there were no break-ins.
:'''Olympia''': It’s the same in July and August, it just keeps going.
:'''Otis''': No! It can’t be Ohlm. I mean, Ohlm is Ohlm. He eats yogurt with the wrong end of the spoon.
:'''Oona''': He’s messed up every case he’s ever been on.
:'''Ms O''': Unless, he was only pretending not to be smart.
:'''Ohlm''': So, you never suspected me. ''[cackles manically]''

{{line}}
:'''Ms O''': ''[shocked about Ohlm turning against Odd Squad]'' Why’d you do it, Ohlm? Why did you turn against Odd Squad?
:'''Ohlm''': There are three reasons anyone does anything. ''[puts on a pair of glasses]'' For love, money or power. Odd Squad agents don’t get paid. Love gives you the cooties and so the answer must be power. ''[cackles manically]''
:'''Oona''': So, you never wanted to fight oddness.
:'''Ohlm''': Of course! I started like you at the Academy, except when it came time to graduate.
:''[Flashback to when Ohlm’s graduation.]''
:''[Flashback ends.]''
:'''Ohlm''': After that, I decided if Odd Squad couldn’t see my genius, I would just my genius TO DESTROY IT! I pretended to be a fool, so, I can steal codes, gadgets, anything I can get my hands on. I gave the villains everything they needed.
:''[Flashback to Ohlm and the Puppy Master.]''
:''[Flashback ends.]''
:'''Ohlm''': Every. Plan. FAILED! I was about to give up. But, then, Olympia, Sweet, foolish, Olympia, got Otis and Ms O kicked off Odd Squad, which made me Mr O. And now, I’m in a position to finally take this place down, once and for all. ''[cackles manically]''
:'''Olympia''': No you won’t!

{{line}}
:'''Ohlm's Mom and Dad''': ''[shocked about when Odd Squad tells them what Ohlm did]'' Our son did what?!
:'''Ohlm''': Mom! Dad! You don’t understand!
:'''Ohlm’s Dad''': We understand perfectly. And you young man are grounded. ''[Despite, Ohlm planning his revenge to destroy Odd Squad for good, Odd Squad takes him to his mom and dad, where they ground him and presumably fired him from the squad, due to a misconduct.]''
:'''Ohlm''': Come on!
:'''Ohlm’s Mom''': To your room, now!
:'''Ohlm''': ''[growls furiously, and marches upstairs to his room]'' Typical!

{{line}}
:'''Big O''': From far too long, I have pulled off going to kindergarten, but, now, it is time and I need someone to take my place.
:'''Ms O''': Wait. Are you saying...
:'''Big O''': I want you to run all Odd Squad as the new Big O.
:''[Everyone cheered as the Big O activates the Big O inator on Oprah.]''

== Season 3: Mobile Unit ==

=== Odd Beginnings (Part 1 and 2) ===

=== Slow Your Roll ===

=== End of the Road ===

:'''Olizabeth''': Attention, all villains. The Odd Squad Mobile Unit has discovered my true identity. So, I’m going to tell the whole world too. My name is Olizabeth and Agent Opal is my sister. She made me who I am.
:'''Opal''': What?! All I ever did was protect her.

{{line}}
:''[Brutus activates a net, which traps Omar, Oswald and Orla. But, Opal stepped out of the way just in time.]''
:'''Brutus''': Opal got away!
:'''Opal''': Olizabeth, how could you do this, after all I did to protect you.
:'''Olizabeth''': All you ever did was protect me!

{{line}}
:'''Olizabeth''': Sorry about all the evil stuff, Big O, maybe this can set things right. ''[gives the Big O the box of villain powers]''
:'''Big O''': Thanks, Olizabeth! You did good! Everyone, load it to the van.
:'''Opal''': You Guys go on without me.
:'''All''': Wait?! What?!
:'''Opal''': I need to stay here in Australia, to set things right with Olizabeth and in other countries where she did a lot of oddness that needs fixing.
:'''Olizabeth''': I got a little carried away.
:'''Omar''': But, you can’t leave. There wouldn’t be an Odd Squad Mobile Unit if it wasn’t for you.
:'''Oswald''': Omar’s right! If you had never gone after the forty-four leaf clover, I would still be a library museum person.
:'''Orla''': I would still be living alone in a dark cave. Spacious, but dark.
:'''Omar''': All you ever wanted was to travel around the world and solve oddness.
:'''Opal''': What I wanted was an adventure and you guys gave me that.
:''[The four tearfully hug.]''
:'''Oswald''': But, we’ve always been a team of four. Who’s gonna replace you?

{{line}}
:'''Big O''': Okay, Team! I think we should get this box back to headquarters.
:'''Orla''': Hold on! If all the villain powers are gone, do we really need an Odd Squad to fight oddness?
:''[Suddenly, a creature rises.]''
:'''Big O''': Boy, am I glad to see you! Well. What are we waiting for. Go!
:''[The OSMU agents, Olizabeth and the Big O get out their gadgets.]''
:'''All''': For Odd Squad!
:''[They fire their gadgets as the episode ends.]''

=== Odd Off the Press ===

:''[The Odd Squad Mobile Unit holds a press conference to welcome, their newest member.]''
:'''Orla''': Are you two ready to begin?
:'''Omar''': Orla, when did you get braces?
:'''Orla''': On the way over here. Also, I prefer to call them tooth armour.
:'''Oswald''': Let’s do this! Uh. Yes! Uh. We know you all got a lot of questions now that Opal’s gone, so, we decided to hold this press conference here, in Reporterville, where all the reporters live.

{{line}}
:'''Big O''': Listen up, I know Opal is gone and Osmeralda’s new to the team. But, I believe in you.
:'''Oswald''': But, If we get into trouble, you’ll come and help us, right?
:'''Big O''': Wrong! I’m in space.
:'''All''': What?!
:'''Big O''': ''[two agents removed a backdrop, revealing a space station]'' The Odd Squad Space Unit needs my help, so I’ll be gone for a while.
:'''Omar''': But, who’s gonna take your place?
:'''Orpita''': Hi!
:'''All''': ''[yelps]'' Orpita?!
:'''Osmeralda''': You all know each other?
:'''Omar''': Orpita was gonna do a book report on Oswald, then, decided to do a book report on me, then, we let a creature loose in the van.
:'''Orpita''': I never finished the book report.
:'''Orla''': You are filling in for the Big O?
:'''Orpita''': Me?! Ha! No! I’m just an assistant to the Big O.
:'''Big O''': She’s helping interview agents for the job. And in the meantime, I need you to stop these villains. Well. What are you waiting for, go!
:'''Orpita''': So Cool! Anyway, good luck!

{{line}}
:'''All''': Odd Squad, Odd Squad! Stop right there!
:'''Oddskater #1''': You’re gonna stop us.
:''[The Three Oddskaters laugh, when OSMU gets out their gadgets.]''
:'''All''': Oh, Yeah!
:''[An epic battle began, Omar, Osmeralda and Oswald used gadgets to freeze or tie the Oddskater’s hands. Then, Orla uses her rope inator to tie them up.]''

== Cast ==
*Millie Davis as Ms O/Big O

=== Season 1 ===
*Dalila Bela as Olive
*Filip Geljo as Otto
*Sean Michael Kyer as Oscar

=== Season 2 ===
*Anna Cathcart as Olympia
*Issac Kragten as Otis
*Olivia Presti as Oona

=== Season 3 ===
*Valentina Herrera as Opal
*Jayce Alexander as Omar
*Gavin MacIver Wright as Oswald
*Alyssa Hidalgo as Orla
*Glee Dango as Esmeralda Kim/Osmeralda
*Shazdeh Kapadia as Orpita/Little O

=== Recurring ===
*Ashley Botting as Debbie
*Ali Hassan as Doug
*Christian Distefano as Owen
*Julia Lalonde as Octavia (Season 1)
*Peyton Kennedy as Dr O (Season 1-2)
*Kaden Stephen as Dr O (Season 2)
*Michela Luci as Orchid
*Elijah Sandiford as Ocean (Season 2)
*DeAndray Hamilton as Coach O
*Jaiden Cannatelli as Ohlm (Season 1-2)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

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  <page>
    <title>Dr. Devil and Mr. Hare</title>
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      <text bytes="1929" sha1="7bnrcy4es0wkojq9juzocqshvharyz2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Doctor Devil and Mister Hare title card.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Dr. Devil and Mr. Hare|Dr. Devil and Mr. Hare]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' theatrical cartoon short released on March 28, 1964, starring [[Bugs Bunny]] and the [[w:Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)|Tasmanian Devil]]. This marks the final pairing of Bugs and Taz, as well as the final appearance of Taz in the [[w:Golden age of American animation|Golden age of American animation]], and Bugs' final appearance in the ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' series.  It is also the only cartoon where Bugs and Taz both lose in the end.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:David H. DePatie|David H. DePatie]]. Written by [[w:John W. Dunn (animator)|John Dunn]].''

==[[Bugs Bunny]]==
* ''[after the bomb exploded]'' What a maroon! ''[once the cigar explodes in his face]'' Sometimes I wonder if he's as dumb as he looks.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[in &quot;therapy&quot; with Bugs as the psychiatrist]'' Just relaxing und telling me about your id ven you vas a kid. Jah?
:'''Tasmanian Devil''': Me first remember a long time ago in Tasmania, I was only three years old, but I was mean little devil! ''[laughs]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[taking notes]'' Yah, &quot;mean little devil&quot;, ha ha, that's very funny. Don't talk so fast. I gotta write-a down the good stuff.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0058036}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

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  <page>
    <title>Pullet Surprise</title>
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'''''[[w:Pullet Surprise|Pullet Surprise]]''''' is a 1997 6-minute ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' short released in theaters with ''[[Cats Don't Dance]]''. It was produced by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones Film Productions]]. Since this cartoon was produced after the death of legendary Looney Tunes voice artist [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]], the voice of [[w:Foghorn Leghorn|Foghorn Leghorn]] is supplied by [[w:Frank Gorshin|Frank Gorshin]]. [[w:Stan Freberg|Stan Freberg]] still voiced [[w:Pete Puma|Pete Puma]].

== Foghorn Leghorn ==
* That boy's as thick as a whale sandwich.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': You don't want a chicken, son.
:'''Pete Puma''': I don't?
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': No, you want a ''chicken''!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Frank Gorshin|Frank Gorshin]] as [[w:Foghorn Leghorn|Foghorn Leghorn]].
* [[w:Stan Freberg|Stan Freberg]] as [[w:Pete Puma|Pete Puma]].

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}


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[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
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  <page>
    <title>Lee Raymond</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="3533" sha1="ipgro9hckugux0l6xjoj3twbxrxi77p" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Lee Raymond|Lee Raymond]]''' ([[August 13]], [[1938]] – [[June 6]], [[2026]]) was an American businessman, and the chief executive officer (CEO) and chairman of [[w:ExxonMobil|ExxonMobil]] from 1999 to 2005. He had previously been the CEO of [[w:Exxon|Exxon]] since 1993. He joined the company in 1963 and was president from 1987 to 1993, and a director from 1996 to 2004.

== Quotes ==
* First, let's agree there's a lot we really don't know about how climate will change in the 21st century and beyond. That means we need to understand the issue better, and fortunately, we have time. It is highly unlikely that the temperature in the middle of the next century will be significantly affected whether policies are enacted now or 20 years from now.&lt;br&gt;It also means it's bad public policy to impose very costly regulations and restrictions when their need has yet to be proven, their total impact undefined, and when nations are not prepared to act in concert.
** Speech before the [[w:World Petroleum Council|World Petroleum Congress]] in [[w:Beijing, China|Beijing, China]], October 13, 1997  ({{cite web |first=Lee |last=Raymond |title=1997 Exxon’s Lee Raymond Speech at World Petroleum Congress |date=October 13, 1997 |accessdate=January 3, 2019 |url=http://www.climatefiles.com/exxonmobil/1997-exxon-lee-raymond-speech-at-world-petroleum-congress/}}; {{cite news |title=Exxon CEO Lee Raymond's Stance On Global Warming Causes a Stir |first=Thaddeus |last=Herrick |newspaper=[[w:The Wall Street Journal|The Wall Street Journal]] |date=August 29, 2001 |accessdate=January 3, 2019 |url=https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB999035936679805198}}; {{cite news |title=Exxon's Own Research Confirmed Fossil Fuels' Role in Global Warming Decades Ago |first1=Neela |last1=Banerjee |first2=Lisa |last2=Song |first3=David |last3=Hasemyer |date=September 16, 2015 |url=http://insideclimatenews.org/news/15092015/Exxons-own-research-confirmed-fossil-fuels-role-in-global-warming |agency=[[w:InsideClimate News|InsideClimate News]] |accessdate=January 3, 2019}}; {{cite news |title=Imagine if Exxon had told the truth on climate change |authorlink=Bill McKibben |first=Bill |last=McKibben |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |date=October 28, 2015 |accessdate=January 3, 2019 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/oct/28/imagine-if-exxon-had-told-the-truth-on-climate-change}})

* ...projections are based on completely unproven climate models, or, more often, on sheer speculation.
** At 1999 annual stockholders meeting ({{cite news |newspaper=[[w:Los Angeles Times|Los Angeles Times]] |url=http://graphics.latimes.com/exxon-arctic/ |title=What Exxon knew about the Earth's melting Arctic |first1=Sara |last1=Jerving |first2=Katie |last2=Jennings |first3=Masako Melissa |last3=Hirsch |first4=Susanne |last4=Rust |date=October 9, 2015 |accessdate=January 3, 2019}}; {{cite news |magazine=[[w:The Nation|The Nation]] |title= Exxon Knew Everything There Was to Know About Climate Change by the Mid-1980s—and Denied It |authorlink=Bill McKibben |first=Bill |last=McKibben |date=October 20, 2015 |accessdate=December 23, 2018 |url=http://www.thenation.com/article/exxon-knew-everything-there-was-to-know-about-climate-change-by-the-mid-1980s-and-denied-it/}})

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Raymond, Lee}}
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School</title>
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'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School}}''''' is a 1988 animated made-for-television film produced by Hanna-Barbera for syndication as part of the Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10 series.

==Dialogue==
:'''Shaggy''': Oh boy, maybe I shouldn't have taken this new job.
:'''Scrappy Doo''': Don't be silly, Shaggy, you'll make a great gym teacher, and I'll make a great assistant. See? I've been working out. [picks up a barbell but falls so that the barbell is stuck between the back doors of the van]
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! He's not only working out, he's falling out!
:'''Scrappy Doo''': ''[Still hanging onto the barbell]'' Whee! I bet this is great for building up my shoulder muscles.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': What's the rush? We've got 1400 hours; that's a lot of time.
:'''Scooby Doo''': [snatches the fungus fudge from Shaggy] Yeah! A lot!
:'''Scrappy Doo''': But, Shaggy, 1400 hours means 2:00, we've only got an hour!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, why didn't you say so, Scrappy? Don't just stand there! Come on, it's time to warm up.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Colonel Calloway''': ''[trying some fudge]'' Doesn't it taste a little... moldy?
:'''Ms. Grimwood''': Of course, Colonel, fungus fudge always tastes moldy.
:'''Colonel Calloway''': Fungus fudge? ''[Drops the fudge so that Matches catches and eats it, and then drinks down a cup of tea]''
:'''Ms. Grimwood''': Yes, it goes so well with toad stool tea.
:'''Colonel Calloway''': Toad stool tea? ''[Drops the teacup on Matches]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scrappy Doo''': But Shaggy, why do we have to wear a tutu?
:'''Shaggy''': Because uh... uh... well...
:'''Ms. Grimwood''': Because ballet makes my girls limber.
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, that's it, limber.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Revolta''': It's been too long since we had company, Creeper.
:'''Grim Creeper''': I knew you'd be pleased, Revolta.
:'''Revolta''': Yes, because these 5 will remain here permanently. ''[Sinister laughing]''
:'''Grim Creeper''': But, Revolta, what happens when your spell wears off?
:'''Revolta''': Don't upset yourself, Creeper. I'm preparing a spell to make them evil forever. At the stroke of midnight, I'm going to revoltize them.
:'''Grim Creeper''': Revoltize them? Oh, how revolting.
:'''Revolta''': Yes, isn't it though? ''(Snarls)'' Now stop cringing and put those girls to work!
:'''Grim Creeper''': Yes, Revolta!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scrappy Doo''': So with the cadets it was a snap to escape Revolta's trap, now let's get loose and dance and clap while I lay on my Scrappy rap. Over there is Daddy Drac who's glad to have his daughter back, and all the guys from Calloway are here to dance the night away. And there's Miss G with Colonel C, grooving to my melody.
:'''Ms. Grimwood''': Your boys were very gallant to go after my girls.
:'''Scrappy Doo''': And Grunt's with Elsa Frankenteen who wants to be a slam dance queen, and Phanty really does her thing, a dance for two, the Phanty fling.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scooby Doo''': Raggy, reyes, reyes.
:'''Shaggy''': Rice, where?
:'''Scooby Doo''': ''[Widens one of his eyes with his paws to tell Shaggy about the plants growing eyes]'' Ro, reyes!
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, eyes, why didn't you say so?
:'''Scooby Doo''': Ri rid.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scooby Doo''': Raggy, rats, rats!
:'''Shaggy''': Rats? ''[yawns and gives Scooby mouse traps]'' Like, take two of these and call me in the morning.
:'''Scooby Doo''': Ro Raggy, rats.
:'''Shaggy''': Bats? ''[on hearing Scooby telling him about the bats, looks at the shade]'' See, Scoob? There's nothing shady about the shade, now go onto sleep.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': That's keeping your cape in shape, Sibella.
:'''Sibella Dracula''': Fangs a lot, Shaggy.
:'''Tanis the Mummy''': And I'm keeping my tape in shape.
:'''Ms. Grimwood''': You certainly are, Tanis, scaerobics are good for everyone.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Daddy Dracula''': ''[about Shaggy and Scooby]'' Sibella, these two are even battier than ve are!
:'''Sibella Dracula''': They are a little strange, Daddy, but they're fangtastic teachers!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vulture #1''': I hate all the screaming.
:'''Vulture #2''': Me too. I'm flappin' out. ''[caws]''

==Cast==
* Don Messick as Scooby-Doo / Scrappy-Doo
* Casey Kasem as Shaggy / Mirror Monster
* Remy Auberjonois as Baxter
* Susan Blu as Sibella Dracula
* Hamilton Camp as Phantom Father / Vulture #2
* Jeff B. Cohen as Grunt
* [[Glynis Johns]] as Ms. Grimwood
* Zale Kessler as Count Dracula / Frankenstein Senior
* Ruta Lee as Revolta
* Aaron Lohr as Miguel
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] as Tanis
* [[w:Scott Menville|Scott Menville]] as Tug
* Pat Musick as Elsa Frankenteen
* Bumper Robinson as Jamal
* Ronnie Schell as Colonel Calloway
* Marilyn Schreffler as Winnie
* Andre Stojka as The Grim Creeper / Mummy Daddy / Vulture #1
* Russi Taylor as &quot;Phanty&quot; Phantasma
* [[Frank Welker]] as Matches / Papa Wer

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:1988 animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated TV films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo animated films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Animated films about Halloween]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]
[[Category:Films about hypnosis]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Roman Legion-Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>212882</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951674</id>
      <parentid>3923196</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:59:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951674</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3086" sha1="f4bwm6pzog10o3e75eyedhqsc6a9qjx" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Roman Legion-Hare|Roman Legion-Hare]]''''' is a ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' animated short released in 1955. The title is a play on the words [[w:Roman legion|Roman Legionnaire]]. After being ordered by Emperor Nero to find a victim to be tossed to the lions, [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]] tries to capture [[Bugs Bunny]].

This cartoon was featured in [[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]].
 
==Dialogue==
:''[Yosemite Sam is chasing after Bugs, he stops beside a caged [[lion]]]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Now where'd that skunk of a rabbit go? ''[the lion roars, startling Sam, who drops his club]'' Why, you mangy fang-toothed critter! ''[cracks the big cat over the head]'' Take that! Maybe that'll learn ya to keep yer big mouth shut! That fur-bearin' varmint's around here somewhere. ''[Bugs opens the cell's gates, and the lion roars again, which drives Sam to repeatedly club it again]'' '''HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO'''... ''[slows down, realizing his predicament and looking at the audience in despair]'' ... shut... up? ''[runs away, pursued by the angry lion]''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Yosemite Sam stops at a big hole filled with lions, with Bugs on the other side]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': How now, brown cow?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': No long-eared galoot can outfox the Captain of the Guards! ''[grabs some stilts]'' Okay, rabbit, now let's see who's the smartest!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[apparently surrendering without even trying to run away]'' Oh, it looks like you've outsmarted me. Oh, woe is me.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[walks over the lions with the stilts, while they roar and jump at him, trying to grab him]'' Ah, shaddup! ''[clubs one of the lions]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[tosses some axes and saws]'' Here, lions!
:''[Yosemite Sam immediately walks back over the hole while the lions saw the stilts piece by piece. He is caught, but lands back to safety]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[dazed]'' I hates rabbits.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': I better get out of here while the getting's good!
:''[Yosemite Sam closes the door on Bugs. After a few moments, Bugs realizes that he's in the Colosseum]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[appearing to Nero]'' Here's your victim, your Nero-ship!
:'''Nero''': Release the lions!
:''[The lions come out. Bugs panics and shields himself; but to his surprise, the cats run past him, chasing Yosemite Sam and Nero up a column]''
:'''Bugs''': ''[puts on a Roman crown]'' Well, like the Romans always say, ''E pluribus uranium''.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Yosemite Sam / Emperor Nero / Guard / Commentator.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1955 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about lions]]
[[Category:Films set in Rome]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>f4bwm6pzog10o3e75eyedhqsc6a9qjx</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>212950</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951616</id>
      <parentid>3949492</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:13:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951616</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6306" sha1="rhugzom0b9wi4yjekii69l2r3af593k" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery}}''''' is a 2013 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film, and the 22nd film in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. It is a co-production between Warner Bros. Animation and WWE Studios. The film features Scooby and the gang solving a mystery at WrestleMania. It was released on on March 25, 2014 by Warner Home Video.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Vince McMahon''': Let's try to remain calm here. We don't want to jump to any crazy conclusions.
:'''Both''': Mr. McMahon!
:'''Shaggy''': Like in the flesh. I can't believe I'm face to face with Vinnie Mac.
:'''Scooby''': The Boss!
:'''Shaggy''': The Higher Power!
:'''Scooby''': The Mac Attack!
:'''Shaggy''': The Mac Daddy!
:'''Scooby''': The Daddy Mac!
:'''McMahon''': Yes. ''[clears throat]'' Thanks for that trip down memory lane.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Um... exactly how many more play by play Scooby Snack attacks do we have to endure before WWE City?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we brought everything we had. Scooby and I need to keep our energy up so we can cheer like crazy at the main event.
:'''Velma''': There's so many boxes, I can't even see the luggage.
:'''Shaggy''': Luggage?
:'''Both''': You didn't pack the luggage?!
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Uh-oh!
:'''Daphne''': Of all the food induced insane things you two have done, this absolutely takes the cake.
:'''Both''': Mmm... cake!
:'''Daphne''': I mean it!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what's the big deal? We all wear the same outfits every single day anyway.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Fred, Daphne, Velma and McMahon walk on the flattened ring. Fred approaches the motionless Ghost Bear]''
:'''Fred''': Now let's see who the Ghost Bear ''really'' is.
:''[Fred removes the Ghost Bear mask revealing Cookie. The crowd gasps in surprise]''
:'''John''': Cookie?!
:'''McMahon''': Cookie?!
:'''All''': Cookie?!
:'''Ruben''': Uncle Cookie! Why? WWE is your life.
:'''Velma''': WWE ''was'' his life. But sadly, your Uncle Cookie never got the glory.
:'''Daphne''': And his injury put him out of the spotlight.
:'''Fred''': Permanently.
:'''Daphne''': He started to truly resent WWE because he knew he could never be the champion he always dreamed of being.
:'''Velma''': That resentment grew into hatred over the years, as he trained others to be what he could not.
:'''Fred''': That's when he developed his plan for revenge.
:''[Flashbacks show Cookie in a suit of the Ghost Bear, scenes of Scooby stealing the belt and the chaos from throughout the movie]''
:'''Daphne''': But that wouldn't be enough. He needed a pawn to steal the championship belt.
:'''Velma''': That's when he devised the idea of hacking into a video game and placing post-hypnotic suggestions into it.
:'''Daphne''': That game would become part of a contest, which Cookie set up with fake emails he sent throughout WWE.
:'''Velma''': That's why he used the bear to attack your video game studio. To cover his tracks.
:'''Fred''': The contest assured that only the most skilled pawn would arrive at WWE City to aid in the theft. Cookie then used flashing lights to activate Scooby's post-hypnotic programming.
:'''Daphne''': When Cookie identified the belt in Scooby's bed as the ''championship'' belt, he was lying. He'd already switched them.
:'''Velma''': With Scooby taking the blame, Cookie was free to carry out his ultimate plan.
:'''Fred''': Which was to turn out the lights, and with the help of the bear, create so much panic and injury...
:''[The Ghost Bear runs toward our view. Back in reality]''
:'''Fred''': ...That WrestleMania would be completely ruined and WWE would never recover.
:'''John''': But thanks to Fred here, we got the lights back on pretty quick. Good work!
:''[He hits Fred's back with his hand]''
:'''Fred''': Ah, um, thanks.
:''[Daphne puts her hand on Fred's shoulder]''
:'''McMahon''': And the real championship belt, where is it now?
:'''Velma''': Elementary, Mr. McMahon. Cookie is wearing it.
:''[John opens the Ghost Bear suit's chest and pulls the real championship belt off Cookie]''
:'''John''': Sorry, Cookie. The championship belt isn't for cheaters, it's for champions.
:''[He raises his hand showing the championship belt to the cheering crowd. Richards faces McMahon]''
:'''Richards''': Good call, hiring these kids, sir. I thought they might come in handy.
:'''McMahon''': ''[annoyed]'' Just get Cookie out of here!
:'''Richards''': ''[scared]'' Yes, sir. Will do, sir. You bet.
:''[She motions the officers as if to say, &quot;Take him away, boys.&quot;]''
:'''Velma''': A championship belt was the icing on the cake, Mr. McMahon. Cookie could live off its golden jewels for the rest of his life.
:''[As John gives McMahon the belt, the crowd boos Cookie as he is taken into custody]''
:'''Cookie''': ''[last words, enraged]'' And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and your game crazy dog!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]]
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — [[Velma Dinkley]]
* [[w:Grey Griffin|Grey Griffin]] — [[Daphne Blake]]
* [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] — [[Shaggy Rogers]]
* [[Charlie Dutton]] — Cookie
* [[Fred Tatasciore]] — Ghost Bear
* [[Mary McCormack]] — Ms. Richards
* [[John Cena]] — Himself
* [[A.J. Lee]] — Herself
* [[Santino Marella]] — Himself
* [[The Miz]] — Himself
* [[Triple H]] — Himself
* [[Michael Cole]] — Himself
* [[Mr. McMahon]] — Himself
* [[Brodus Clay]] — Himself
* [[Glenn Jacobs]] — Himself
* [[Corey Burton]] — Bayard, WWE Announcer
* [[Bumper Robinson]] — Ruben

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2014 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Animated sports films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Crossover films]]
[[Category:Crossover animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>rhugzom0b9wi4yjekii69l2r3af593k</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>212951</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951620</id>
      <parentid>3949495</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:14:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951620</origin>
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      <text bytes="3216" sha1="0zfy3xkadels9yv6f82pc0wr9jhzh6r" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon}}''''' in 101 minutes is a 2016 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery racing film, and the twenty-seventh entry in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. It is a co-production between Warner Bros. Animation and WWE Studios. The film is a direct sequel to ''[[Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery]]''. It premiered at San Diego Comic-Con on July 23, 2016, followed by a digital release on July 26, 2016.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''The Undertaker''': Time for a new plan.
:'''Shaggy''': Is it, like, go somewhere and hide?
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Yeah, that could work.
:'''The Undertaker''': As my official teammates, it's time for the two of you to get up here and drive this course like you've never driven before.
:'''Shaggy''': Good, because we haven't!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Miz''': Really?! He smells like borscht!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Undertaker''': Well, I'll be. You're the 2 that vanquished the Ghost Bear.
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Undertaker!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[Shaking with Scooby]'' Scared... excited... same time... brain confused!
:'''The Undertaker''': Skinny Man and Dead Meat, right?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, yeah. But, you can call us Shaggy and Scooby. In fact, you can call us anything you'd like, but please don't put us to a final rest, Mr. Undertaker-Phenom-Dead Man, sir!
:''[Shaggy and Scooby shake and whimper more]''
:'''The Undertaker''': The bell tolls only for the Demon.

==Cast==
*[[Frank Welker]] - [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]]
*[[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] - [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy Rogers]]
*[[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey DeLisle]] - [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne Blake]]
*[[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]]
*[[w:The Undertaker|The Undertaker]] - himself
*[[w:Triple H|Triple H]] - himself
*[[Stephanie McMahon]] - herself
*[[w:Dustin Rhodes|Dustin Rhodes]] - himself
*[[w:Sheamus|Sheamus]] - himself
*[[w:Cody Rhodes|Cody Rhodes]] - himself
*[[w:Dusty Rhodes|Dusty Rhodes]] - himself (posthumous role)
*[[w:The Miz|The Miz]] - himself
*[[w:Saraya Bevis|Saraya Bevis]] - herself
*[[w:Primo Colón|Primo Colón]] - himself
*[[w:Mascarita Dorada|Mascarita Dorada]] - himself
*[[w:Epico Colón|Epico Colón]] - himself
*[[w:Lana (wrestler)|Lana]] - herself
*[[w:Miro (wrestler)|Miro]] - himself
*[[w:Michael Cole (wrestling)|Michael Cole]] - himself
*[[Kofi Kingston]] - himself
*[[Vince McMahon]] - himself
*[[w:Eric Bauza|Eric Bauza]] - Big Earl
*[[w:Steve Blum|Steve Blum]] - Inferno
*[[w:Phil Morris (actor)|Phil Morris]] - Walter Qualls

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2016 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Animated sports films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]</text>
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    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213007</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951614</id>
      <parentid>3949499</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:13:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951614</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2897" sha1="4e774lb4udh44rrg6nd8drqin31f3ik" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur}}''''' is a 2011 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film; the sixteenth direct-to-video movie based upon the Scooby-Doo Saturday morning cartoons, the film was released on September 6, 2011.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:''(Shaggy has been screaming in horror for almost three hours)''
:'''Doctor:''' Hey! Stop screaming!
:''(Shaggy stops)''
:'''Daphne:''' Why didn't that work when WE tried it?
:'''Doctor:''' Eh, people listen to doctors.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred''': ''[about Mr. Hubley being a suspect]'' What do you think, Velma?
:'''Velma''': ''[dreamily]'' I think Winsor's eyes are the colour of sea-foam by moonlight.
:'''Daphne''': Okay. Somebody's going to be zero help tonight.
:'''Fred''': Go easy on her, Daph. Haven't you ever had a crush on anyone?
:'''Daphne''': ''[annoyed]'' Me? No. Why would be you ask?
:''[storms to the Mystery Machine]''
:'''Fred''': Well, it's just I...
:'''Daphne''': ''[annoyed]'' Why is everyone walking so slow?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Faith''': ''[as Scooby and Shaggy frantically eat]'' Woah, guys, didn't you read the sign? Don't take more than you can eat.
:'''Shaggy''': We read it. What's the problem?
:'''Faith''': Well, you can't possibly eat all...
:''[Scooby and Shaggy finish eating]''
:'''Faith''': never mind.
:'''Shaggy''': Seconds, Scoob?
:'''Scooby-Doo''': You bet.
:'''Faith''': So do I file for bankruptcy now, or...?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Biker''': Hey little buddy, this gonna be bad
:(Shaggy hypnotized)
:'''Shaggy''': We can do this two ways, punk. One: you walk away. Two: I walk on your face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred''': Shaggy, what are you doing?
:'''Shaggy:''' Saving your butt, Jones. Get used to it!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby, Fred, and misc. bikers
* Matthew Lillard as Nigel Uno and Shaky Joe
* Casey Kasem as Shaggy
* Mindy Cohn as Velma
* Grey DeLisle as Daphne
* Cathy Cavadini as Faith
* [[John DiMaggio]] as Fritz, GPS and misc. bikers
* Michael Gough as Mr. Babbit, Blair, Grad Student #1 and misc. bikers
* Matthew Gubler as Winsor
* Finola Hughes as Professor Svankmajer
* Maulik Pancholy as Doctor
* Kevin Michael Richardson as Tex, Cop #2, Grad Student #3 and misc. bikers
* [[Fred Willard]] as Mr. Hubley
* Dave Wittenberg as Cop #1, Grad Student #2, Policeman and misc. bikers
* Gwendoline Yeo as Ms. Deitch

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2011 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>4e774lb4udh44rrg6nd8drqin31f3ik</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213008</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951612</id>
      <parentid>3949476</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:12:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951612</origin>
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      <text bytes="3259" sha1="n9paaavjeiclehlozzwzj1g0j0qjkv5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare}}''''' is a 2010 direct-to-DVD animated comedy horror-mystery film based upon the Scooby-Doo Saturday morning cartoon, and was released on September 14, 2010.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Boo!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Burt, if you have any more campfire stories, I'd appreciate it if you keep them to yourself!

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
*Many years ago, there was a camper named Neil Fisher. The other kids picked on him all the time, so he spent most of his days swimming in Big Moose Lake. In fact, he spent so much time in the water he grew gills and fins. He became the Fishman. And he haunts Big Moose Lake to this day.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Deacon, What are you doing?

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Wait a minute. How can a *lake* be haunted?

==Dialogue==
:'''Freddy''': ''[the gang prepare to split up and seach for clues]'' Who's with me?
:'''Jessica''': I'll go. I'm a certified scuba instructor.
:'''Daphne''': ''[imitating Jessica]'' 'I'm a certified scuba instructor... '
:''[Velma giggles]''
:'''Freddy''': What was that, Daph?
:'''Daphne''': Huh? Nothing. I'll go with you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Burt, if you have any more campfire stories, I'd appreciate it if you keep them to yourself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Freddy''': Okay gang, here's the plan. An hour of canoeing, two hours of fishing, followed by a half hour of swimming!
:'''Daphne''': In... there?
:''[cut to Little Moose Lake, which is extremely dirty and disgusting like a swamp]''
:'''Freddy''': Yep.
:'''Luke''': Hey, why don't we go up to Big Moose Lake? That lake is sweet.
:'''Freddy''': Oh no, not Big Moose Lake. We can't go up there.
:'''Luke''': Why not?
:'''Freddy''': Because Big Moose Lake is haunted.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[nervous]'' I'm out.
:'''Velma''': Wait a minute. How can a *lake* be haunted?
:'''Freddy''': Many years ago, there was a camper named Neil Fisher. The other kids picked on him all the time, so he spent most of his days swimming in Big Moose Lake. In fact, he spent so much time in the water he grew gills and fins. He became the Fishman. And he haunts Big Moose Lake to this day.
:'''Shaggy''': Is that true?
:'''Velma''': Of course not. He just doesn't want us to go to Big Moose Lake.
:'''Freddy''': Guys, we've got a perfectly good lake right here.
:'''Daphne''': ''[sternly]'' We're going to Big Moose.
:'''Freddy''': ''[defeated]'' We're going to Big Moose.

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby/Fred
* [[Matthew Lillard]] as Shaggy
* [[Mindy Cohn]] as Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] as Daphne
* [[Scott Menville]] as Luke
* [[Tara Strong]] as Trudy
* [[Stephen Root]] as Burt
* [[Lauren Tom]] as Jessica
* [[Mark Hamill]] as Deacon/Boretti and Store Owner
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] as Ranger Knudsen, Woodsman, Fishman, and Spectre
* [[Phil LaMarr]] as Darrel

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2010 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>n9paaavjeiclehlozzwzj1g0j0qjkv5</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213010</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951615</id>
      <parentid>3949487</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:13:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951615</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4165" sha1="n02op1mflai52bjgpj6uq3naeho4zbu" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright}}''''' in 78 minutes release on Rated PG is a 2013 direct-to-DVD animated musical comedy horror film, and the twenty-first entry in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* We need aspirin, a chiropractor, and some baby oil. Right now!
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* No, this happens to everyone. It would be too much of a coincidence if this only happened to us, so logically, everyone must run into ghosts and monsters all the time.
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* I'm in love with Fred! There, I said it!
* We're not a cute couple! I mean, heh, we're not a couple... So we can't be a cute one, although we would be if we were. Which we're not. I mean, it's not like we don't like each other, we just don't *like* like each other. It's just not likely. Right, Fred? Or do we? We don't right? Do we? Why are we talking about this so much? Can we just, change the subject now, please? This is none of your business!
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Really? Wow, I never would have - Gosh, that's a shocker.

==Dialogue==
:'''Daphne''': Does it say anything in those books about Opera House where we're shooting the show?
:'''Velma''': Yeah. It's almost a hundred years old. It's been closed since the 70s. And there are rumours that it's haunted.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[eats a sub sandwich]'' Of course it's haunted. Like, when do we ever go to a place that's not haunted?
:'''Velma''': Wait. Who’s driving?
:''[As it turns out, Scooby was driving.]''
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Uh. Green means go, right?
:'''All''': Shaggy!
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Fred, why do ghosts and monsters and stuff turn up wherever we go? Is it something about us?
:'''Fred''': No, this happens to everyone. It would be too much of a coincidence if this only happened to us, so logically, everyone must run into ghosts and monsters all the time.
:'''Daphne''': Really?
:'''Fred''': Sure! It's simple math. They must be everywhere.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Velma''': Trouble sleeping?
:'''Daphne''': Ah, yeah.
:'''Velma''': Are you okay? What's wrong?
:'''Daphne''': I'm fine.
:'''Velma''': You're obviously not fine, Daphne. Why don't you tell me about it?
:'''Daphne''': I'm in love with Fred! There, I said it!
:'''Velma''': ''[pause, sarcastic]'' Really? Wow, I never would have - Gosh, that's a shocker.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mel''': ''[about Fred and Daphne]'' You make a cute couple.
:'''Daphne''': We're not a cute couple! I mean, heh, we're not a couple... So we can't be a cute one, although we would be if we were. Which we're not. I mean, it's not like we don't like each other, we just don't *like* like each other. It's just not likely. Right, Fred? Or do we? We don't right? Do we? Why are we talking about this so much? Can we just, change the subject now, please? This is none of your business!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': We need aspirin, a chiropractor, and some baby oil. Right now!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby-Doo and Fred Jones
* Matthew Lillard as Shaggy Rogers
* Grey DeLisle as Daphne Blake, Amy
* Mindy Cohn as Velma Dinkley
* Isabella Acres as Emma Gale
* Troy Baker as Phantom, Lance Damon
* Eric Bauza as K.J.
* Jeff Bennett as Mike Gale, Mel Richmond
* Wayne Brady as Brick Pimiento
* Vivica A. Fox as Lotte Lavoie
* Kate Higgins as Meg Gale, Cathy
* Peter MacNicol as Dewey Ottoman
* Candi Milo as Barb Damon
* John O'Hurley as The Great Pauldini
* Cristina Pucelli as Colette
* Kevin Michael Richardson as Security Guard #1, Hotel Clerk
* Paul Rugg as Steve Trilby
* Tara Sands as Nancy
* Tara Strong as Donna, News Anchor
* Travis Willingham as Waldo
* Ariel Winter as Chrissy Damon

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2013 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>n02op1mflai52bjgpj6uq3naeho4zbu</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213011</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951617</id>
      <parentid>3949493</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:13:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951617</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3545" sha1="qcap62l7uzvft4d5yc8g4jarou4npkj" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo! Frankencreepy}}''''' is a 2014 direct-to-DVD animated comedy horror film.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Scooby-Doo''': ''[Scooby and Shaggy wake up tied up in the castle next to the Frankencreep, also tied up]'' Morning, Shaggy.
:'''Shaggy''': Morning, Scoob. Oh, that's weird. I don't remember going to bed. ''[to Velma]'' So, Velms, I stopped falling out of bed, like, months ago. Why do you have us strapped in here?
:'''Velma''': Don't worry. I've deduced that the monster's brain is defective. I just to provide some additional cerebral material to correct the problem.
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, I see. Brains. Like, that makes sense. Wait...
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Where are you going to get brains?
:''[Velma cackles evilly, implying that she intends to use Shaggy and Scooby's brains]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[gulps]'' Like, why do you need both our brains?
:'''Velma''': According to my calculations, between the two of you, you almost have one entire brain. [activates a device putting a helmet on her victims] I must say, you're taking this rather well.
:'''Shaggy''': Well Velma, you know I always say there's no point getting all bent out of shape for every little... [the Frankencreep tears off his clothes] ... (Casey Kasem Voice) Zoinks!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mrs. Vanders''': ''[in the laboratory, Shaggy and Scooby prepare to eat a meal]'' Halt! Before you go any further, I must inform you of two facts. One: these parts are not food.
:''[the camera zooms in to reveal maggots on the fish]''
:'''Mrs. Vanders''': They are the parts the baron rejected for his creature.
:'''Shaggy''': (Casey Kasem Voice) Zoinks! Like, what's the other fact?
:'''Mrs. Vanders''': That at what you sit is not a table.
:''[the table cloth is removed to reveal the Frankencreep cryogenically frozen]''

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred]]
* [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]]&lt;br&gt;[[w:Casey Kasem|Casey Kasem]] &lt;small&gt;(original voice and final film role, archival recordings; credited)&lt;/small&gt; — [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy]]
* [[w:Mindy Cohn|Mindy Cohn]] — [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma]]
* [[Nicole Jaffe]] - [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]] (archive recordings)
* [[w:Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]] — [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne]], Mama Mione
* [[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] — Mrs. Vanders
* [[Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Baker]] — C.L Magnus / Mr. Burger
* [[w:Eric Bauza|Eric Bauza]] — Daphomatic, Rock Dude
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Glen Bennett]] — Iago / Agent Shmidlap
* [[w:Susanne Blakeslee|Susanne Blakeslee]] — Townswoman
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Weinman]] — Baron Basil, Ghost of the Baron
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] — Gypsy / Lila
* [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]] — Cuthbert Crawley / Inspector Krunch / Cuthbert Crawls
* [[w:Fred Tatasciore|Fred Tatasciore]] — Frankencreep

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2014 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films set in castles]]</text>
      <sha1>qcap62l7uzvft4d5yc8g4jarou4npkj</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Daffy – The Commando</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213748</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951638</id>
      <parentid>3716876</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:56:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951638</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2074" sha1="0id8pdwxc3qitye48d7jw04nqj7uyik" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}

'''''[[w:Daffy – The Commando|Daffy – The Commando]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] cartoon in the [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] series released on to theaters, and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. It features the character [[Daffy Duck]].

==[[Daffy Duck]]==
*''[parachuting down]''
:''♪ It's the same the whole world over ♪'' 
:''♪ It's the poor what gets the blame ♪'' 
:''♪ While the rich has all the gravy ♪'' 
:''♪ Now ain't that a blinkin' shame? ♪'' 
:''[notices a spotlight shining on him]'' &lt;big&gt;'''PUT OUT THOSE LIGHTS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
* Messerschmitts! A whole mass of Messerschmitts! ''[flies away. The Messerschmitts shoot each other and crash]'' A MESS of Messerschmitts! ''[whoops]''

==Von Vulture==
* It makes me so mad. If I'd only sent more troops...
* ''[repeated line]'' Schultz!
* ''[to Schultz]'' You dummkopf!
* Ah, now try and duck ''this'' one, you duck! ''Heil Hitler!'' ''[fires Daffy out of a cannon]''

==Others==
* '''Hitler''': ''[last line; after Daffy hits Hitler on the head with a mallet]'' '''SCH-U-ULTZ!'''
* '''Von Vulture's telegram''': Dumkopf!! Ift daf nicht sauerkrauten kartoffel suppe nicht effen kalbfleisch - ''Der Apfen von Gelchichte [translation: If vun more kommando gets through it's your ka-rear!! - ''The Apes of Wrath'']''

==Dialogue==
:''[Daffy presents Von Vulture with a timebomb disguised as a clock]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': May I present you with this little token of our esteem?
:'''Von Vulture''': For me? Danke schön! Danke schön!
:'''Daffy Duck''': Oh, just a little going away present...

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / General Von Vulture / Hitler. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0035774}}
{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1943 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:World War II films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>0id8pdwxc3qitye48d7jw04nqj7uyik</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951639</id>
      <parentid>3951638</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:00:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>trimmed quotes - too many for a 7 min. short</comment>
      <origin>3951639</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1342" sha1="pnjju228x5tmflb0x4qfmpf1zkb0j94" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}

'''''[[w:Daffy – The Commando|Daffy – The Commando]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] cartoon in the [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] series released on to theaters, and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. It features the character [[Daffy Duck]].

==[[Daffy Duck]]==
*''[parachuting down]''
:''♪ It's the same the whole world over ♪'' 
:''♪ It's the poor what gets the blame ♪'' 
:''♪ While the rich has all the gravy ♪'' 
:''♪ Now ain't that a blinkin' shame? ♪'' 
:''[notices a spotlight shining on him]'' &lt;big&gt;'''PUT OUT THOSE LIGHTS!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==Dialogue==
:''[Daffy presents Von Vulture with a timebomb disguised as a clock]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': May I present you with this little token of our esteem?
:'''Von Vulture''': For me? Danke schön! Danke schön!
:'''Daffy Duck''': Oh, just a little going away present...

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / General Von Vulture / Hitler. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0035774}}
{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1943 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:World War II films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>pnjju228x5tmflb0x4qfmpf1zkb0j94</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951641</id>
      <parentid>3951639</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:00:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951641</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1341" sha1="hl8dnm2vgdsw94oeq0pii5hyzfbjbb2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Daffy – The Commando|Daffy – The Commando]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] cartoon in the [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] series released on to theaters, and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. It features the character [[Daffy Duck]].

==[[Daffy Duck]]==
*''[parachuting down]''
:''♪ It's the same the whole world over ♪'' 
:''♪ It's the poor what gets the blame ♪'' 
:''♪ While the rich has all the gravy ♪'' 
:''♪ Now ain't that a blinkin' shame? ♪'' 
:''[notices a spotlight shining on him]'' &lt;big&gt;'''PUT OUT THOSE LIGHTS!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==Dialogue==
:''[Daffy presents Von Vulture with a timebomb disguised as a clock]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': May I present you with this little token of our esteem?
:'''Von Vulture''': For me? Danke schön! Danke schön!
:'''Daffy Duck''': Oh, just a little going away present...

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / General Von Vulture / Hitler. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0035774}}
{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1943 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:World War II films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>hl8dnm2vgdsw94oeq0pii5hyzfbjbb2</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>See Ya Later Gladiator</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>213749</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951653</id>
      <parentid>3923207</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:44:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951653</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1532" sha1="3myguwzio4gnlsp21f3uzqufsyfuyhd" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:See Ya Later Gladiator|See Ya Later Gladiator]]''''' is a 1968 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' animated short film starring [[Daffy Duck]] and [[w:Speedy Gonzales|Speedy Gonzales]], who had been paired together in a series of cartoons from 1965 to 1968. This was their final theatrical pairing, and this was also the final cartoon to star &quot;classic&quot; [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] characters.

==Nero==
*''[after Daffy and Speedy land on him and destroy his fiddle]'' You broke my fiddle! Now I will break your neck!

==Dialogue==
:''[last lines of the final cartoon]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': I'm certainly glad I'm home. I wouldn't wanna go through that again.
:''[Daffy then fall fast asleep in his bed until he hears music]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': '''SPEEDY AGAIN?!''' ''[groans]'' This is too much!
:''[Daffy sees Speedy, Nero and two mice play music together]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Oh, no.
:''[Speedy, Nero and the two mice play some music by using instruments. Then the scene fades to black as the cartoon ends itself]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Speedy Gonzales / Scientist / Fathead / Lion / Emperor Nero.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1968 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Animated films about time travel]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]</text>
      <sha1>3myguwzio4gnlsp21f3uzqufsyfuyhd</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>214201</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951947</id>
      <parentid>3929922</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T08:26:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-25217-78</username>
        <id>3313596</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3951947</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="44700" sha1="etobno9nfcg2w3z541mvp4loldn8fgh" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning|The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning]]''''' (also known as '''''The Little Mermaid III''''') is a 2008 American animated direct-to-video fantasy film produced by DisneyToon Studios, and a prequel to Disney's 1989 animated film [[The Little Mermaid (1989 film)|The Little Mermaid]]. Directed by Peggy Holmes.

==Dialogue==
:''[Marina Del Ray and Benjamin came in the princesses' room]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[first words]'' Uppy-uppy, my darlings.
:'''Benjamin''': ''[first words]'' It's us. ''[The princesses groan]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[Groans]'' Governess! ''[Then Marina takes the pillow from under Aquata]''
:'''Aquata''': Hey!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Rise and shine,
:'''Aquata''': Why so early?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Mustn't be late.
:'''Arista''': But it's still dark out.
:'''Aquata''': Uh...
:'''Arista''': ''[Sees now]'' Oh. Hi.
:'''Benjamin''': Wakey-wakey.
:'''Adella''': Oh, I was dreaming about a boy.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Yes. Come on, girls.
:'''Alana''': But I need my beauty sleep.
:'''Andrina''': Time about it.
:'''Alana''': Easy for you. No one cares what you look...
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''Move it.''
:'''Benjamin''': I think you're lovely.
:'''Andrina''': Can't we meet Father later?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Unfortanily, I don't get to make those kinds of decisions. ''[laughs]'' Any decisions kingdom, really. ''[Sees the girls go back to sleep again and anger]'' [[w:Finding Nemo|'''''GET UP!''''']] ''[The girls rushed up and go to the mirrors]'' All right, all right, all right. Move your tails. This is our special time with your father.
:'''Ariel''': Special? It's the same every morning.
:'''Andrina''': Ah, she's got a point.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': That's what your father cares about. Predictability, presentation, punctuality.
:'''Ariel''': That's all Dad cares about.
:'''Andrina''': She's got a point.
:'''Aquata''': You've got your own mirror!
:'''Benjamin''': Two minutes.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': '''''STOP PRIMPING!''''' ''[They get ready as they talk, as Attina goes to Ariel]''
:'''Attina''': Come on, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': Why can't he let us do something different? Just once.
:'''Attina''': Give him a break. He's the king, remember? You try running a kingdom.
:'''Ariel''': I wouldn't run it like this.
:'''Attina''': Don't upset him, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': Just because you're the oldest, Attina, doesn't mean you get to boss us around.
:'''Attina''': Yes, it does.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Benjamin, if we're late again, I'll never get a promotion.
:'''Benjamin''': Marina...
:'''Attina''': Come on, girls.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Not that I want a promotion. No, no, no, I love this job. Looking after you is what I live for. Really. ''[the girls leave and anger again]'' '''I ''hate'' this job!'''
:'''Benjamin''': The less said the better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the throne room, Sebastian arrives, and his chariot is going crazy]''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[panting]'' '''''WHOA! WHOA!''''' Good morning, Your Highness.
:'''King Triton''':  Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': Hm? Oh! ''[chuckles]''
:'''King Triton''':  Anything to report?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[clears throat]'' Unfortunately, the sprat and the... smelt were still... ''[shrieks]'' squabbling. No worries. I told them I'd sic the salmon on them. ''[chuckles]''
:'''King Triton''':  Sebastian, what would I do without you?
:'''Sebastian''': You'd be negotiatin' with the sprat and the smelt, that's what.
:''[The princesses arrive before their father]''
:'''King Triton''': Good morning, girls.
:'''Attina, Alana, Adella, Aquata, Arista, Andrina and Ariel''': Good morning, Father.
:'''King Triton''':  Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Good morning, Your Majesty.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[clears throat]'' Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': You're late.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I... uh... ''[chuckles, groans]''
:'''Sebastian''': Your Majesty.
:'''King Triton''': Well, I presume you've all been attending to your royal duties this week.
:'''Attina''': Yes, Father. We've been working diligently.
:'''Ariel''': But, we're always done early.
:'''Attina''': Shh!
:'''Ariel''': And the coral is in bloom.
:'''Andrina''': Clam it!
:'''Adella''': Enough!
:'''Ariel''': ''[swims to her father]'' So I thought maybe we could go for a swim on the reef?
:'''King Triton''': Not today, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': But it only happens once a year. It could be fun.
:'''King Triton''': I don't have the time.
:'''Ariel''': I was thinking we could just skip the morning walk.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[Sternly]'' Ariel! Your father said ''&quot;No.&quot;''
:'''Ariel''': Yes, sir. ''[swims back to her sisters]''
:'''Attina''': Nice job.
:''[They begin to swim out]''
:'''Sebastian''': Be on time tomorrow.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[grumbling]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[exhaling deeply]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''NOW LET'S MOVE IT GIRLS!'''''
:'''Adella''': OK, we're coming.
:'''Andrina''': Time to go.
:'''Attina''': Great.
:''[They swim to go on their walk with their father]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Triton''': That will be all, Sebastian. Marina. Good day, girls.
:'''Attina, Alana, Adella, Aquata, Arista, Andrina, and Ariel''': Goodbye, Father.
:''[They begin to swim until...]''
:'''King Triton''': Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': ''[groans]'' Oh! Yes, Daddy?
:'''Arista''': ''[Whispering]'' He sounds grumpier than yesterday.
:'''Andrina''': Time to go to bed. ''[With Triton and Ariel]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[sternly]'' A princess does not tickle another princess with seaweed.
:'''Ariel''': ''[smiling nervously]'' You saw that? I was just trying to have some fun.
:'''King Triton''': You disrupted your sisters.
:'''Ariel:''' Well, they laughed
:'''King Triton''': Well, I didn't.
:'''Ariel''': But Daddy, why can't...
:'''King Triton''': ''[interrupts]'' Is it too much to ask that you simply walk with your family?
:'''Ariel''': ''[frustrated]'' That's all we ever do.
:'''King Triton''': ''[threateningly]'' Ariel...
:'''Ariel''': Can't we do something different?
:'''King Triton''': ''[yelling at Ariel]'' '''''ENOUGH!''''' ''[Ariel is shocked at her father's behavior]'' You have to learn to respect the way I run this kingdom. ''[pulls out a seashell-shaped tool]'' Barnacles.
:'''Ariel''': ''[shocked]'' What? That'll take all day.
:'''King Triton''': ''[hands her the tool]'' Well, then you'd better get started, young lady. ''[Ariel is angry at her father as he swims inside the building]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[to herself]'' I hate this place. ''[She swims off to where she will get all the barnacles off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[We fade to stacks of meat and are picked up by a stick, which turns out to be Benjamin uses it to feed the locked up creatures]''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm. Snacky-snack. ''[animals growling]'' OK. ''[moaning as the creatures ate the meat]'' No manners.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': This job is killing me!
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, dear.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ​​​​If I have to watch over these spoiled princesses one more day, I'm gonna ''beach myself!''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': You should've heard that little clawboy Sebastian today. &quot;You're late.&quot; ''[gibbering]'' '''IF TRITON WASN'T LOOKING, I WOULD HAVE ''SQUASHED'' THAT CRUSTACEAN INTO A''' '''''CRAB CAKE!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[inhaling deeply]'' Maybe I'm just too sensitive?
:'''Benjamin''': Dip.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Did you feed them today?
:'''Benjamin''': Yes. Twice.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': And the key? ''[He shows her the key around his neck, and he continues to shorten her nails]'' ''Ooh!'' That Sebastian! I despise him! I ''loathe'' him!
:'''Benjamin''': Never heard that one.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': How did that little invertebrate get to be chief of staff?
:'''Benjamin''': Chutzpah?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': I want that job. ''I deserve that job!'' So what if I'm late every once in a while and the girls are miserable?
:'''Benjamin''': Nobody's perfect.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': That's right. Nobody's... perfect. -
:'''Benjamin''': Oh... my.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Everyone makes mistakes, even... ''him!'' ''[singing]'' ''♪ Benjamin, I need to find a clue ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Or a good cuticle cream.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ To get myself Sebastian's job. To stage a little coup. A straw to break the camel's back. A teeny dent, a tiny crack. A quiver or a quake. What I need is one mistake ♪'' '''''OW!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, so sorry!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Just one mistake ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Now, color? Sardine Silver?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': No, thanks.
:'''Benjamin''': Orange roughy?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Not in the mood.
:'''Benjamin''': Rainbow trout?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Just paint them the shade of clarified butter! ''[singing]'' ♪'' Sebastian, Oh, better be on his guard. ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': So much for my samples.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Cause I have some electric chums. And they'll be looking very hard. A straw to break Sebastian's back! A teeny dent, a tiny crack! A dowdy double take! What I need is one mistake! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Uno error.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Just one mistake Then... Hello, world! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, me.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ It's Marina Del Rey! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': That's right. Three names.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ I'm the new attach ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Ooh, French!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Or maybe more Oh, I want so much more ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Big surprise.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Hello, world! I'm the belle of the ball! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': I'm feelin' it. Big wave!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ I'm the greatest of all the loyal royal big shots! ♪'' ''[shouting gleefully, grunts]''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[moans]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Mmm... ''[singing]'' ''♪ Work it, Marina! Pouty, sassy! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Pouty. Sassy.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ From the engine to the chassis! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Oo-wah oo-wah ♪''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Got to, got to! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Oo-wah oo-wah ♪''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Get it, get it! Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta'' '''''HAVE IT!!!!!!!''''' ''A straw to break the camel's back. A teeny dent, a tiny crack. A mini mighty break. What I need is one mistake. ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Mmm. 
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ And after that, who knows? ♪'' Sebastian's bound to make a mistake, right?
:'''Benjamin''': Not likely.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Dream killer! ''[she dips her nails into the bowl angrily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': My name is Flounder.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, My name is Ariel. ''[Sees something]'' Oh, no! ''[That was Sebastian as he stopped until her land on Sebastian]''
:'''Sebastian''': Princess Ariel! What is the meaning of this?!
:'''Flounder''': Princess?
:'''Ariel''': Um... We weren't doing anything.
:'''Sebastian''': No? Then why were you trying to get away?
:'''Swordfish Guards''': ''[both growing]''
:'''Flounder''': Um... 'Cause they were chasing us?
:'''Swordfish Guard''': We heard music, chief.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[shrieks]'' ''Music! The princess was making music?!''
:'''Swordfish Guard''': The princess wasn't making music. He was.
:'''Flounder''': ''[whimpers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Music is against the law! Take him to the dungeon!
:'''Flounder''': I can't make it in the slammer!
:'''Sebastian''': ''Now!''
:'''Ariel''': Wait! This is all a big misunderstanding. Huge. You are gonna laugh when I explain. Which I'm about to do.
:'''Sebastian''': In this century, please.
:'''Ariel''': Right. You see, I was just cleaning the coral tubes, and my friend here ''[chuckles]'' were helping me.
:'''Flounder''': That's right. Best friends helpin' out. Makin' it happen.
:'''Ariel''': But not making music. ''[He make nervous smile]'' See?
:'''Sebastian''': Guards! Escort the princess back to the palace.
:'''Ariel''': But Sebastian...
:'''Sebastian''': ''[To Flounder]'' And you!
:'''Flounder''': ''[whimpers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Consider this your first and only warning, mon. ''[The two guard goes on to escort the princess back to the palace, but not before she glares at them]''
:'''Ariel''': Humph! ''[Sebastian sees that Flounder is still here and he give him the angry look that scares and he swims off]''
:'''Sebastian''': Oh! Intolerable, I tell you. That girl is working on my last!

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the morning, Sebastian crawls up to King Triton in his throne room]''
:'''Sebastian''': Good morning, Your Highness.
:'''King Triton''': Sebastian. Marina.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Good morning, Your Majesty.
:'''King Triton''': I have a problem. ''[Sebastian is shocked]'' It's Ariel.
:'''Sebastian''': Ariel?! I...
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Finally! So you see it, too? Oh, yes. She's rebellious, insubordinate, headstrong. We need to immediately implement a series of checks and balances designed to ''crush'' her spirit. What? Too harsh?
:'''Sebastian''': Absolutely! Your Highness, she is young, going through a phase.
:'''King Triton''': I don't remember having this much trouble with any of her sisters.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I do! They're all a handful. We should ''shave their heads.''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[yelps]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[clears throat]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Just kidding.
:'''King Triton''': Alana wasn't difficult at all.
:'''Sebastian''': Yes, Your Majesty. But Arista and the blowfish incident, remember?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh! It took weeks to clean up the palace.
:'''Sebastian''': And how about Aquata and that stingray?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh! I can still feel it.
:'''King Triton''': Well...
:'''Sebastian''': And the time Attina got her head stick in the conch shell.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': That was me.
:'''King Triton''': Well, perhaps you're right, Sebastian. Still, it seems Marina could use some help. I want you to look after Ariel.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[shrieks]''
:'''King Triton''': No offense, Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': None taken. 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[They bow down as King Triton leaves]'' Soft shell.
:'''Sebastian''': Tardy girl.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Stick eye.
:'''Sebastian''': Fish lips.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Backstabber!
:'''Sebastian''': Fashion disaster!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''BOTTOM FEEDER!'''''
:'''Sebastian''': '''''BABYSITTER!'''''
:'''King Triton''': Dismissed. ''[That got them to stop fighting. Meanwhile, we go to Ariel humming &quot;I Remember&quot; in her sleep, but then she wake up to see her sister staring at her]''
:'''Ariel''': What? ''[looks at her sisters being suspicious]'' What?
:'''Attina''': Uh... You were humming.
:'''Ariel''': ''[gasps]'' I was?
:'''Arista''': Out loud.
:'''Ariel''': Don't worry. ''[swims to her mirror]'' It was just a dream.
:'''Alana''': I'll tell you what wasn't a dream. We woke up at midnight.
:'''Aquata''': And your bed was still empty.
:'''Ariel''': Really?
:'''Andrina''': Yeah. That is two hours past curfew.
:'''Ariel''': Oh.
:'''Andrina''': Ooh, was it a boy?
:'''Adella''': If it's a boy, I'm gonna ''die!''
:'''Aquata: Ugh... Drama.
:'''Adella''': I mean, I'm happy for you, Ariel. It's just that I'm two years older than you, and the only one I've come even close to kissing is Stevie.
:'''Andrina''': Ew! Squid-Lips Stevie?
:'''Adella''': It was on a dare.
:'''Andrina''': Whatever.
:'''Attina''': Girls, let's stick to the subject.
:'''Ariel''': Well, it wasn't a boy, OK? I was just helping a friend. Out past the kelp forest.
:'''Aquata''': Ooh! Past the kelp forest. It ''wasn't'' a boy. It was a ''bad boy.''
:'''Arista''': ''[gasping]'' Oh, Ariel.
:'''Aquata''': Simmer down there, sister.
:'''Attina''': So you were just helping a friend?
:'''Ariel''': Um... Yep.
:'''Attina''': Then, where'd you get... ''this?''
:'''Ariel's Sisters''': ''[all gasp]''
:'''Attina''': Can you imagine what'd happen if Dad found it?
:'''Ariel''': He's never here.
:'''Attina''': Don't get cute with me. This is serious. Where were you? ''[Andrina looks at her, Alana, Aquata, and Arista both looked at Ariel]''
:'''Ariel''': I was just... listening to music in an underground club.
:'''Attina''': OK, where were you really? ''[Ariel gives them the look]''
:'''Sisters''': ''[gasping]'' Listening to music?
:'''Aquata''': No way.
:'''Arista''': What was it like?
:'''Andrina''': Come on. Spill it.
:'''Ariel''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it was amazing. The energy, the dancing, the music... Just makes you feel like...
:'''Aquata''': Like what?
:'''Ariel''': Like when Mom was here.
:'''Arista''': Ariel, I wanna hear it, too.
:'''Ariel''': You do?
:'''Aquata''': Me, too.
:'''Adella''': OK. Me, too.
:'''Alana''': Me, too! Me, too!
:'''Andrina''': Not without me.
:'''Arista''': Yeah. Everybody does. Please, Ariel. Please?
:'''Ariel''': Well...
:'''Attina''': Oh!
:'''Ariel''': We'll go tonight.
:'''Arista''': I'm so excited!
:'''Aquata''': Music!
:'''Alana''': What should I wear?
:'''Adella''': So you think there'll be boys?
:'''Andrina''': One way to find out.
:'''Attina''': This is not ''happening!'' You go again and I...
:'''Andrina''': Oh, lighten up.
:'''Ariel''': Come on. ''[all...]''
:'''Girls''': Mmm?
:'''Attina''': OK. ''[The girls cheer as Marina and Benjamin arrives]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Come on, girls. Uppy-up.
:'''Andrina''': Morning.
:'''Benjamin''': They're early.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Yes. 
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, waiting for four.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Yes. ''[grabs Benjamin]'' But ''why?!'' ''[Leave at princesses' room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After King Triton and his Royal Guards storm the club]''
:'''King Triton''': This is how you watch over my ''daughter?!''
:'''Sebastian''': Sire, I...
:'''King Triton''': I trusted you!
:'''Sebastian''': Sire. ''[Marina looks at this in pleasure]''
:'''King Triton''': Guards! ''Lock'' him away.
:'''Ariel''': What? No!
:'''King Triton''': '''''LOCK THEM ALL AWAY!'''''
:'''Sebastian''': But, Your Majesty, please!
:'''Swordfish guard''': Come on. Let's move it. ''[The guards escort the band, pushes Flounder]'' Hey.
:'''Flounder''': I'm with the band.
:'''Swordfish guard''': Sure you are, kid. ''[As they take them away]''
:'''King Triton''': Marina, you will take over Sebastian's duties immediately.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': As you wish,
:'''King Triton''': Attina. Take your sisters home.
:'''Attina''': Yes, sir.
:'''Ariel''': Father, you can't do this!
:'''King Triton''': It's already '''''DONE!''''' ''[Attina and Aquata drag Ariel out. As the princesses exit the club, King Triton, in far more rage than before, uses his trident to blast the rocks to block the entrance to the club. The scene fades to the princesses in the throne room at the palace.]'' You are all confined to the palace.
:'''Attina''': Yes, Father.
:'''Ariel''': ''[bitterly]'' Why don't you just lock us in jail?
:'''King Triton''': Ariel, you are confined to the palace until you understand what you've done.
:'''Ariel''': What did we do? Tell me, Daddy.
:'''Attina''': Ariel, just leave it alone.
:'''Ariel''': ''[angrily]'' No! ''[swims up to Triton so she can try to reason with him]'' We haven't done anything wrong. All we did was listen to music.
:'''King Triton''': ''Which you know is'' '''''forbidden!'''''
:'''Ariel''': But why? Why can't we have music?
:'''King Triton''': This discussion is over.
:'''Ariel''': Just tell me!
:'''King Triton''': I do not have to explain myself to you.
:'''Ariel''': I don't understand. We love music!
:'''King Triton''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling at Ariel]'' '''''I WILL NOT HAVE MUSIC IN MY KINGDOM!!!!!'''''
:''[Hearing this, Ariel becomes heartbroken and devastated by this.]''
:'''Ariel''': I may not remember much about my mother, but I ''know'' she wouldn't have wanted this. ''[She leaves the throne room, as the king and her sisters watch her leave. Triton becomes saddened while watching Ariel swim away. Cut to Ariel entering her and her sisters' room, and sitting while crying]'' ''[sobbing]'' ''[Her sisters enter the room as Attina is now 2 feet away from them]'' Attina? ''[Ariel tries to comfort Attina, but...]''
:'''Attina''':  You just don't know when to quit. ''[Attina glares at her and swims away from her]''
:'''Ariel''': What? ''[Her sisters did the same]''
:'''Adella''': It's over, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': But... we were finally happy.
:'''Attina''': Look around, Ariel. No one's happy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin, Tear out those puny windows. 
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, no.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Rip down those narrow walls. This is just the beginning. I want a balcony so I can wave down to the adoring crowds. But high enough so they can't see disdain on my face. Can you taste it, Benjamin? The sweet taste of power! Filling, yet oddly minty! ''[singing]'' ''♪ Hello, world! It's Marina Del Rey! I'm the new attach! But I want more! [laughing] And'' '''''I'M NEVER GOING BACK!''''' ''Did you get that, clawboy?'' '''''NO, I'M NEVER GOING BACK... ♪'''''
:'''Delivery fish''': Delivery for Miss Del Rey.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Make no mistake! I'm here to stay! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh... OK.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Meet the new'' '''''MARINA DEL REY!!!♪''''' ''[harmonizing]''
:'''Benjamin''': She does seem happier. Oh!
:'''Delivery fish''': How long has she been in charge?
:'''Benjamin''': We're going on... seven minutes.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Ah-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, at the dungeon. Ray-Ray throws the ball against the wall with Flounder, as Sebastian, Cheeks and Shelbow are sad being in the dungeon, as Ink Spot panics]''
:'''Ink Spot''': I got to get out of here. I got to get out. The walls, they're closing in. There's no space! ''No Air!'' ''[grunting]'' I got it! We'll start a riot! Follow my lead. ''ATLANTICA! ATLANTICA!'' Join me, guys. '''''ATLANTICA!'''''
:'''Ray Ray''': Hey, Ink Spot.
:'''Ink Spot''': Yeah? ''[Ray-Ray throws the ball to Ink Spot as he squeezes the ball while breathing]''
:'''Ray Ray''': This ain't living. You know what I'm saying?
:'''Sheldon''': And the acoustics are non-good-ular. Listen. ''♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪''
:'''Flounder''': Come on, at least we're hanging out. Can I get a &quot;hoo-yah?&quot;
:'''Sebastian''': Come on, guys. This looks a lot worse than it is. I'll just get an audience with the king and I'll fix it.
:'''Shelbow''': Now, no offense, man, but you had ten years to fix it, and this is where we end up?
:'''Ink Spot''': In jail. ''[The band gathered around to discuss the plan]''
:'''Sebastian''': Well, I... ''[And the band are done discussing the plan]''
:'''Ray Ray''': The band has talked it up, see, and we want you to...
:'''Cheeks''': Slip through the bars.
:'''Shelbow''': Use your claws to pick the lock, man.
:'''Ink Spot''': And open that door! ''[They have each other about that being a good plan]''
:'''Flounder''': Liquid! ''[the gang looked at him]'' Just kidding.
:'''Sebastian''': No! Bad Plan! If we break out of this jail, there ain't no coming back here, mon! We'll be fugitives! ''[The pause at that, but they agree on being fugitives]''
:'''Flounder''': What's a fugitive? ''[Ariel arrives and heads to their cell]''
:'''Sebastian''': What about Ariel? You just gonna abandon her, leave her to deal wit all dat we tangled her up in? You tink that small, weak, helpless little girl can do anything by herself? ''[Ariel smashes the cell door with the rock]'' Ariel?
:'''Ariel''': ''[opens the cell door]'' Come on Sebastian, let's go.
:'''Shelbow''': I'm with her.
:'''Sebastian''': If we run away from Atlantica, it will break your father's heart.
:'''Ray Ray''': She got to do what she got to do.
:'''Ariel''': I'm sorry. I just can't live here.
:'''Ink Spot''': Yeah, let's go.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[closes the cell door]'' Listen, I will not be responsible for taking you away from your family.
:'''Ariel''': ''[opens the cell door again]'' I'm leaving! With or without you.
:'''Cheeks''': All right!
:'''Sebastian''': ''[closes the cell door again, but this time he is out of the cell]'' '''''NOBODY'S LEAVING!''''' ''[gasps]''
:'''Shelbow''': Except you.
:'''Ray Ray''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Ariel''': Look, Sebastian, without music, this place just isn't home.
:'''Shelbow''': You know she ain't lying.
:'''Ray Ray''': Ain't no comeback to that!
:'''Ink Spot''': You got that right.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[Tries to think]'' Ha! Oh, no, no, no. ''[gasps, grumbles]'' Never mind. ''[screams]''
:'''Ariel''': Are you OK?
:'''Sebastian''': Ariel, you're right! Without music, this place just isn't home. I know just where to go!
:'''Band and Flounder''': '''''FREEDOM!''''' ''[They go through the cell door ramming Sebastian against the wall]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sebastian''': Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Sebastian''': Flounder, shh! Move it, move it, move it, mon.
:'''Flounder''': Move it, move it, move it.
:'''Sebastian''': Flounder, please!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Sebastian''': Shh! This way. Come on.
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Ink Spot''': Flounder, shh! Be quiet.
:'''Cheeks''': Ditto!
:'''Shelbow''': Shh!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting loudly]'' '''''YEAH! HIT ME!'''''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Hey, small fry, I think you could use some lessons in fugitivity.
:'''Flounder''': Oh, yeah. Right. Got it. ''[conutining scatting]''
:'''Cheeks''': You're gonna blow it for all of us.
:'''Flounder''': Blow, good. ''[continues scatting]''
:'''Shelbow''': Hey, kid, ixnay on the soundtrack. 
:'''Flounder''': Why?
:'''Ink Spot''': Why? Why? Why? ''Try jail!''
:'''Cheeks''': Prison!
:'''Shelbow''': The big house!
:'''Sebastian''': The slammer!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Music is against the law, you dig?
:'''Flounder''': Not out here.
:'''All''': What?
:'''Flounder''': Come on. We ran away so we could sing. And I'm singing. Sing it with me. ''[scatting]''
:'''Shelbow''': You know, the kid's striking a major chord.
:'''Cheeks''': I feel it, I feel it.
:'''Shelbow''': Look at him go with his bad little self.
:'''Cheeks''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Ink Spot''': Come on. Let it happen.
:'''Ray-Ray''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Sha-na-na, na, na, na, an Na, na, na, na, na, an Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake your body line ♪''
:'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake your body line ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake it all the time ♪''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake it all the time ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''Work, work, work, Senora Work your body line ♪''
:'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Work your body ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''Work, work, work, Senora Work it all the time ♪''
:'''Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Let's break it down Jump-J-J-Jump in the line Rock your body on time ♪''
:'''Ray-Ray''': There he goes again.
:'''Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ J-J-Jump in the line ♪''
:'''Cheeks''': He's groovin'!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Let me try again now.
:'''Ray-Ray and Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump-J-J-Jump in the line - Rock your body on time - ♪''
:'''All''': We're in!
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump-J-J-Jump J- J-Jump Jump Whoo! Jump in the line ♪''
:'''Ink Spot''': ''HIT IT!''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump in the line Rock your body in time ♪''
:'''Shelbow''': All right.
:'''Ink Spot''': OK.
:'''Cheeks''': Let's step-a-doodle.
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump in the line Rock your body on time ♪''
:'''Flounder''': Where are we going exactly?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[To Flounder]'' Don't worry, mon.
:'''Flounder''': 'Cause I got to go to the bathroom.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, Flounder. I go to the bathroom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the palace, King Triton is sitting on his throne, as Marina arrives]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': And thanks to my bold new initiatives, second only to my fabulous day wear and dressy evening separates, productivity in all sectors is up 20 percent. [The king ignores her as he swims away]'' Squids are producing more ink, kelp more oxygen, and the coral reef is just churning out the plankton. Chuga, chuga!'' [laughs]'' I do so enjoy fresh plankton on my salad, don't you? ''[He didn't answer]'' I'll take that as a yes. Ohh. As you can see, I - [raises chair to Triton's level]'' I'm a self starter, Your Majesty. Here to anticipate your every need! Not like that last guy, what was his name? Sooner we forget about him, the better. In fact! Let's make a vow, never to mention his name again. Here, I'll start! [claps hands over mouth]'' There! Wasn't that easy? ''[Benjamin appears]''
:'''Benjamin''': Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Busy!
:'''King Triton''': ''[Remorseful]'' I think I was too hard on them.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Huh?
:'''Benjamin''': It's about Ariel.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Not now!
:'''King Triton''': Perhaps I went too far.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Nonsense, Your Highness. Not possible. ''[Her seat went down to Benjamin]''
:'''Benjamin''': Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[angrily turning around with her chair and yelling at Benjamin]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Attina''': ''[off screen]'' ''DADDY!''
:'''Benjamin''': Huh? ''[Attina arrives with the flower Ariel left behind]''
:'''Attina''': Ariel is missing.
:'''King Triton''': ''[shocked]'' What? 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[grabs Benjamin]'' ''Why didn't you tell me?!''
:'''Benjamin''': I just... did.
:'''Attina''': We can't find her! We've looked everywhere!
:'''King Triton''': Don't worry, I'll find her. Get me Sebastian!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': What, what No, no, no! No, I'm in charge here! ''[swims to Triton, but stops when he gives her the look]''
:'''Benjamin''': Sebastian's gone, too.
:'''King Triton''': Guards! Search the palace. Search every inch of Atlantica! '''''FIND MY DAUGHTER!''''' ''[Leaves along with Attina as the guards gone off to find Ariel]'' 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Your Majesty. Whoo-hoo! Your Majesty, Your Majesty. ''[growls]'' ''[She turns to look at the flower as she goes to pick it up and squeezes it in anger.]'' '''''Sebastian.'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sabastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No. 
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': Yes. This is it.
:'''Flounder''': Are you sure? 
:'''Sebastian''': Yes.
:'''Ray Ray''': Are you sure?
:'''Sebastian''' Yes.
:'''Ariel''': Are you s-?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling at her]'' '''''YES!!!'''''
:'''Ink Spot''': Oh, man. We can't live ''here!''
:'''Shelbow''': Yeah, this place is all &quot;Oom-pa-pa.&quot; We need some... ''[drumbeats]''
:'''Sebastian''': Nonsense. It's perfect. Just listen to them acoustics: ''[singing]'' ''♪ Do, re, me, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪ [It echoes three times]'' Solid.
:'''Ray Ray''': Well, it beats the dungeon.
:'''Cheeks''': But not by much.
:'''Shelbow''': It'll do for the time being. Excuse me.
:''[He goes inside his shell and, Ink Spot goes on a boulder and sleeps upside down, and Ray-Ray buries himself in the sand]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Ooh... ''[Flounder tries to do the same thing that Ray Ray but fail and spits out the sand]''
:'''Flounder''': ''[sputtering]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian, be honest. Are we lost?
:'''Sebastian''': No, this is fine. There's more to this place than meets the eye.
:''[The gang went to sleep until...]''
:'''Flounder''': ''[Once again, scatting]''
:'''Everyone''': ''[angrily]'' ''''' KNOCK IT OFF!'''''
:'''Flounder''': Sorry. ''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the palace]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Give me back the key!
:'''Benjamin''': I said no.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Look, I haven't worked my tail off for the last 12 hours just to have it snatched away.
:'''Benjamin''': How about a nice relaxing bath?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin.
:'''Benjamin''': Kelp wrap?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin!
:'''Benjamin''': Lomi lomi rub?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[losing control of her rage and yelling at Benjamin]'' '''''GIVE ME THE KEY!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': But you said to never give it to you in a fit of rage!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''I'M PERFECTLY''' '''''CALM!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Doesn't sound it.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''GIVE!''''' ''[Benjamin ducks from her swipe]'' '''''GIVE!''''' 
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-mmm.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''GIVE!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-mmm!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh, look at the pretty fishies.
:'''Benjamin''': Really? Where? ''[She snatches the key from the distracted Benjamin]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[laughs]'' Ooh, yum-yums! Come to Mommy. ''[The eel came out of the hole and swim around their master and speaking in baby talk]'' Oh, yes. Mommy wuvs you.
:'''Benjamin''': OK, I'm not gonna watch this part. ''[shuddering]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': My, my, are you hungry? Ooh... Who wants crab cakes?
:'''Benjamin''': What are you going to do?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[turning around to Benjamin]'' Whatever it takes to get rid of Sebastian!
:'''Benjamin''': But what about Ariel?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Ariel? ''Ariel?!'' You're ''right'', she'll ''tattle!'' I'll have to get rid of her, too.
:'''Benjamin''': What?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': That's brilliant, Benjamin, ''brilliant!''
:'''Benjamin''': OK, that wasn't what I meant.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I never liked her anyway. I'll make it look like an accident. That's it! An accidental underwater ambush by a team of the cutest wittle yum-yums ever.
:'''Benjamin''': You've lost your mind.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''Sic 'em, boys!''
:'''Benjamin''': Ooh, what hath we wrought?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh, swim, you pretties. Swim, you pretties. ''Faster!'' Swim. ''[Her eels swim out the window and yelling again]'' '''''WAIT UP!!!!!!!!''''' ''[The eels kept on going]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the morning, Then Ariel wakes up as well and hears something and see something flashing in the distance, Sebastian snoring]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': Ten minutes, Mommy.
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian, did you hear that sound?
:'''Sebastian''': Leave me alone. I'm Sleeping.
:'''Ariel''': But there's something out there. Come on, help us find it.
:'''Sebastian''': I'm tired. You go check it out.
:''[Ariel swim  out to follow the sound, Sebastian watches her leave as Ariel swim to follow the sound, and she stopped near the kelp forest, She swim through the kelp forest, and she's amazed of what she seeing, A shiny cave is what she's entered, as she look through the walls]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[chuckles]'' [Ariel looks around and sees a reflection of herself and then she sees something, Ariel picks up the box and opens it and King Triton dancing with Queen Athena.]''
:'''Sebastian''': It was an anniversary present. Your father had the music box made for your mother. Athena was more than his queen, you know. She was his best friend.
:''[Flashback of her and her sisters young, and Triton dances with Athena. And they play with each other, and young Ariel playing the piano for the first time. And her bandaged hand being kissed by King Triton]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[VO]'' The family together. Music playing all the time.
:'''Narrator''': The palace always echoing with laughter. ''[The two girls hide and then they tackled their father, and they laugh in joy, and fades to Triton and Athena being on the rock at the surface world. And we fade back to the present.]'' 
:'''Sebastian''': When your mother died, the whole kingdom was heartbroken. The heart that never healed was your father's. ''[Ariel are sad about this]''
:'''Ariel''': It's so sad. He's forgotten what it feels like to be happy. I... I have to bring this back to him.
:'''Sebastian''': If you insist.
:'''Ariel''': This is why we came here, isn't it? ''[Sebastian smiles and we cut to the gang]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Whoa, whoa, let me get this straight. You led us out here...
:'''Ink Spot''': To the armpit of nowhere, man.
:'''Shelbow''': In the hope that Red might find the music box. And now you wanna go ''back'' to the palace...
:'''Ink Spot''': To return the music box to the king...
:'''Ray-Ray''': On the chance that maybe it'll...
:'''Shelbow''': Remind him to remember how to be happy...
:'''Ink Spot''': And then he'll bring music back?
:'''Sebastian''': That about sums it up.
:'''Cheeks''': Couldn't we just strap it to a dolphin? He'd get it eventually. 
:''[The band gathered around again, to discuss it. And the band are done discussing it and say.]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Listen, the band talked it over, and...
:'''Shelbow''': We just can't take that chance.
:'''Sebastian''': What?!
:'''Flounder''': Huh?
:'''Ariel''': It's OK. Maybe someday it'll be different. You'll come home and play music all you want.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Sure, Red. Someday. Someday.
:'''Ariel''': Bye. ''[They swim different as Flounder is distaught by this]''
:'''Flounder''': What? No, no, wait. Ray-Ray! Guys! We can't just let them go back alone.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Drop it, small fry.
:'''Flounder''': But we took an oath! To jump, jive, wail, groove, rock steady, and at all times lend a helping hand to your fellow music lovers!
:'''Ray-Ray''': The Catfish Club is history. That oath don't mean a thing.
:'''Flounder''': Well, it still means something to me. Hey, Ariel! Wait up! Ariel! ''[Flounder swims up to Ariel's direction as the band watch him go]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[They go through the keep forest, only that it's low on kelp]''
:'''Sebastian''': I don't remember this much kelp when we came through here last night.
:''[One the &quot;kelp&quot; moved and touched Ariel]''
:'''Flounder''': Kelp, schmelp. I ain't afraid of these overgrown weeds. Hi-yah! Take this! And take that! ''[yelling in slow-motion]''
:''[He tries to bring down the kelp 4 times, but fails. And Flounder then looks up and the kelp were really Marina's eels.]''
:'''Sebastian''': Guys? That ain't kelp!
:''[They get scared of the eels and Marina pops up]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''SURPRISE!''!
:'''Sebastian''':  Marina? What are you wearing?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I thought I'd dress for the occasion.
:'''Sebastian''': What's the occasion? ''[She shows a net]'' ''[screams]'' '''''GO, GO, GO, GO!'''''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Sic 'em, boys! ''[cackling]''
:''[The eels chase them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sebastian facing against Marina]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I've tasted power, Sebastian. And I'm never letting go.
:'''Sebastian''':  Bring it on! ''[gathers the starfish]'' Come to daddy.
:''[Marina tries to attack him, but he throws starfish at her, and her face is covered with them]''
:'''Sebastian''':  Oh, my! ''[chuckling]''
:''[Marina gets angry and whacks him with her tail, Go back to Ariel and Flounder being chased by eels and comes across a dead end. Then Tentacles appear out of nowhere grabs them and pull them up and it turns out to be Ink Spot]''
:'''Ink Spot''': '''''NOW!'''''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Fire!
:''[He slingshits Cheeks into the pillars and they fall down and traps the eels inside]''
:'''Flounder''': Yeah! Awesome!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Ooh, they hurtin' for certain.
:'''Cheeks''': Yup, yup, yup. ''[Chuckles]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian's in trouble!
:'''Flounder''': Follow me!
:''[They swim to where Sebastian is facing Marina]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marina chase Sebastian with sea rocks]''
:'''Sebastian''': Come on, try and get me.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Get back here! ''[He goes inside a tube, and Marina reaches in there and tries to grab him, but her finger is snaped by him]'' Ow!
:'''Sebastian''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Boom, chika, boom chika, boom, boom, boom!''
:''[Marina then swim upward and then dives to crush Sebastian, but he gets out of the tube as Marina is caught and stick inside of it]''
:'''Sebastian''': Tight fit?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': You... stinks. ''[She falls and rolls down the hill and crashes off-screen]''
:'''Sebastian''': I win.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the final battle is over, Marina, still stick in a tube, decides to swim up and run over Sebastian]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[gasps]'' '''''SEBASTIAN!'''''
:'''Flounder''': '''''LOOK OUT!!!!'''''
:''[As Ariel swims forward, King Triton arrives and watches]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[Horrified]'' '''''ARIEL! NO!'''''
:''[Marina starts to go after to hit Sebastian, but Ariel blocked the attack, knocking her out of the way to save Sebastian, but rendered her unconscious. Ariel falls down, As King Triton swims toward her as the others watch in sadness. Then, the music box falls down from Ariel's arms and it opens and plays the song, as King Triton listens to it and realizes what has become of him]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[Devastated]'' What have I done? ''[singing]'' ''♪ Endless sky. Waves try to measure. The days that we treasure.''
:''[Then suddenly, Ariel wakes up]''
:'''Ariel''': Daddy?
:'''King Triton''': I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't listen.
:'''Ariel''': ''[hugs him]'' Daddy. Let's go home.
:'''Both''': ''[sigh]''
:''[King Triton swims off with Ariel in his arms]''
:'''Flounder''': Guys, you came back.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Sure did, small fry. Like you said, we took an oath.
:'''Ink Spot''': Come here, you little knucklehead. Group hug!
:'''Shelbow''': Big hug!
:'''Cheeks''': We dig you, man.
:''[They group hug around Flounder, squeezing him.]''
:'''Flounder''': Guys... can't breathe.
:''[Then Sebastian closes the music box and smiles at the audience]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the courtroom, the merpeople gathered in]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[clears throat]'' To my daughters, and to all the citizens I hereby decree that music will once again ring clear from one end of my kingdom to the other!
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''King Triton''': Therefore, I hereby present Atlantica's first official Court Composer.
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Thank you, Your Highness. Uh.... Not that we don't trust you, Your Majesty, but...Swifty, Hit it, Sing it, mon.
:'''Swifty''': ''[clears throat]'' Raise your right hand, fin, claw, tentacle, or whatever the case may be. ''[Triton raises his hand]'' Very good. Do you promise to jump, jive, wail, groove, rock steady and at all times lend a helping hand to your fellow music lovers?
:'''King Triton''': Um... I do? 
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''Attina''': ''[hugs her sister]'' Thank you, Ariel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marina and Benjamin are locked up with the dungeon and last line]''
:'''Benjamin''': Let's think about what we've learned. You just can't hurting merpeople. Hurting is meaning. We don't want to be mean, do we?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[blows her nose; last words]'' Maybe you're right.
:'''Benjamin''': That's my girl. Samba?
:''[up-tempo music plays, as he dances, and Marina joins in on the dance]''
:'''Benjamin ''': ''[last words]'' Ooh-wa, ooh-wa!

==Cast==
* [[Jodi Benson]] — Ariel
* [[Samuel E. Wright]] — Sebastian
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Cleo
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] — King Triton, Shelbow
* [[Sally Field]] — Marina Del Ray
* Parker Goris — Flounder
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] — Adella, Andrina
* [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] — Alana
* [[Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]] — Aquata, Arista
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] — Attina
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Glen Bennett]] — Benjamin, Swordfish Guards #1 and #2
* Lorelei Hill Butters &lt;small&gt;(speaking) - Queen Athena &lt;/small&gt;&lt;br&gt;[[w:Andrea Robinson (singer)|Andrea Robinson]] &lt;small&gt;(singing)&lt;/small&gt; — Queen Athena
* [[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] — Ink Spot and Swifty
* [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]] — Cheeks and Ray-Ray

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{Imdb title| id=0969647|title=The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning}}

{{Disney's The Little Mermaid}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning}}
[[Category:The Little Mermaid (franchise)]]
[[Category:2008 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:Films about mermaids]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
[[Category:Films set in a fictional country]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about fish]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–daughter relationships]]</text>
      <sha1>etobno9nfcg2w3z541mvp4loldn8fgh</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951948</id>
      <parentid>3951947</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T08:27:17Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="44703" sha1="qohapavqjqtqej13e8tiszq5jumzwte" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning|The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning]]''''' (also known as '''''The Little Mermaid III''''') is a 2008 American animated direct-to-video fantasy film produced by DisneyToon Studios, and a prequel to Disney's 1989 animated film [[The Little Mermaid (1989 film)|The Little Mermaid]]. Directed by Peggy Holmes.

==Dialogue==
:''[Marina Del Ray and Benjamin came in the princesses' room]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[first words]'' Uppy-uppy, my darlings.
:'''Benjamin''': ''[first words]'' It's us. ''[The princesses groan]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[Groans]'' Governess! ''[Then Marina takes the pillow from under Aquata]''
:'''Aquata''': Hey!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Rise and shine,
:'''Aquata''': Why so early?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Mustn't be late.
:'''Arista''': But it's still dark out.
:'''Aquata''': Uh...
:'''Arista''': ''[Sees now]'' Oh. Hi.
:'''Benjamin''': Wakey-wakey.
:'''Adella''': Oh, I was dreaming about a boy.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Yes. Come on, girls.
:'''Alana''': But I need my beauty sleep.
:'''Andrina''': Time about it.
:'''Alana''': Easy for you. No one cares what you look...
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''Move it.''
:'''Benjamin''': I think you're lovely.
:'''Andrina''': Can't we meet Father later?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Unfortanily, I don't get to make those kinds of decisions. ''[laughs]'' Any decisions kingdom, really. ''[Sees the girls go back to sleep again and anger]'' [[w:Finding Nemo|'''''GET UP!''''']] ''[The girls rushed up and go to the mirrors]'' All right, all right, all right. Move your tails. This is our special time with your father.
:'''Ariel''': Special? It's the same every morning.
:'''Andrina''': Ah, she's got a point.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': That's what your father cares about. Predictability, presentation, punctuality.
:'''Ariel''': That's all Dad cares about.
:'''Andrina''': She's got a point.
:'''Aquata''': You've got your own mirror!
:'''Benjamin''': Two minutes.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': '''''STOP PRIMPING!''''' ''[They get ready as they talk, as Attina goes to Ariel]''
:'''Attina''': Come on, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': Why can't he let us do something different? Just once.
:'''Attina''': Give him a break. He's the king, remember? You try running a kingdom.
:'''Ariel''': I wouldn't run it like this.
:'''Attina''': Don't upset him, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': Just because you're the oldest, Attina, doesn't mean you get to boss us around.
:'''Attina''': Yes, it does.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Benjamin, if we're late again, I'll never get a promotion.
:'''Benjamin''': Marina...
:'''Attina''': Come on, girls.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Not that I want a promotion. No, no, no, I love this job. Looking after you is what I live for. Really. ''[the girls leave and anger again]'' '''I ''hate'' this job!'''
:'''Benjamin''': The less said the better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the throne room, Sebastian arrives, and his chariot is going crazy]''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[panting]'' '''''WHOA! WHOA!''''' Good morning, Your Highness.
:'''King Triton''':  Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': Hm? Oh! ''[chuckles]''
:'''King Triton''':  Anything to report?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[clears throat]'' Unfortunately, the sprat and the... smelt were still... ''[shrieks]'' squabbling. No worries. I told them I'd sic the salmon on them. ''[chuckles]''
:'''King Triton''':  Sebastian, what would I do without you?
:'''Sebastian''': You'd be negotiatin' with the sprat and the smelt, that's what.
:''[The princesses arrive before their father]''
:'''King Triton''': Good morning, girls.
:'''Attina, Alana, Adella, Aquata, Arista, Andrina and Ariel''': Good morning, Father.
:'''King Triton''':  Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Good morning, Your Majesty.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[clears throat]'' Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': You're late.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I... uh... ''[chuckles, groans]''
:'''Sebastian''': Your Majesty.
:'''King Triton''': Well, I presume you've all been attending to your royal duties this week.
:'''Attina''': Yes, Father. We've been working diligently.
:'''Ariel''': But, we're always done early.
:'''Attina''': Shh!
:'''Ariel''': And the coral is in bloom.
:'''Andrina''': Clam it!
:'''Adella''': Enough!
:'''Ariel''': ''[swims to her father]'' So I thought maybe we could go for a swim on the reef?
:'''King Triton''': Not today, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': But it only happens once a year. It could be fun.
:'''King Triton''': I don't have the time.
:'''Ariel''': I was thinking we could just skip the morning walk.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[Sternly]'' Ariel! Your father said ''&quot;No.&quot;''
:'''Ariel''': Yes, sir. ''[swims back to her sisters]''
:'''Attina''': Nice job.
:''[They begin to swim out]''
:'''Sebastian''': Be on time tomorrow.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[grumbling]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[exhaling deeply]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''NOW LET'S MOVE IT GIRLS!'''''
:'''Adella''': OK, we're coming.
:'''Andrina''': Time to go.
:'''Attina''': Great.
:''[They swim to go on their walk with their father]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King Triton''': That will be all, Sebastian. Marina. Good day, girls.
:'''Attina, Alana, Adella, Aquata, Arista, Andrina, and Ariel''': Goodbye, Father.
:''[They begin to swim until...]''
:'''King Triton''': Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': ''[groans]'' Oh! Yes, Daddy?
:'''Arista''': ''[Whispering]'' He sounds grumpier than yesterday.
:'''Andrina''': Time to go to bed. ''[With Triton and Ariel]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[sternly]'' A princess does not tickle another princess with seaweed.
:'''Ariel''': ''[smiling nervously]'' You saw that? I was just trying to have some fun.
:'''King Triton''': You disrupted your sisters.
:'''Ariel:''' Well, they laughed
:'''King Triton''': Well, I didn't.
:'''Ariel''': But Daddy, why can't...
:'''King Triton''': ''[interrupts]'' Is it too much to ask that you simply walk with your family?
:'''Ariel''': ''[frustrated]'' That's all we ever do.
:'''King Triton''': ''[threateningly]'' Ariel...
:'''Ariel''': Can't we do something different?
:'''King Triton''': ''[yelling at Ariel]'' '''''ENOUGH!''''' ''[Ariel is shocked at her father's behavior]'' You have to learn to respect the way I run this kingdom. ''[pulls out a seashell-shaped tool]'' Barnacles.
:'''Ariel''': ''[shocked]'' What? That'll take all day.
:'''King Triton''': ''[hands her the tool]'' Well, then you'd better get started, young lady. ''[Ariel is angry at her father as he swims inside the building]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[to herself]'' I hate this place. ''[She swims off to where she will get all the barnacles off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[We fade to stacks of meat and are picked up by a stick, which turns out to be Benjamin uses it to feed the locked up creatures]''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm. Snacky-snack. ''[animals growling]'' OK. ''[moaning as the creatures ate the meat]'' No manners.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': This job is killing me!
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, dear.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ​​​​If I have to watch over these spoiled princesses one more day, I'm gonna ''beach myself!''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': You should've heard that little clawboy Sebastian today. &quot;You're late.&quot; ''[gibbering]'' '''IF TRITON WASN'T LOOKING, I WOULD HAVE ''SQUASHED'' THAT CRUSTACEAN INTO A''' '''''CRAB CAKE!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[inhaling deeply]'' Maybe I'm just too sensitive?
:'''Benjamin''': Dip.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Did you feed them today?
:'''Benjamin''': Yes. Twice.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': And the key? ''[He shows her the key around his neck, and he continues to shorten her nails]'' ''Ooh!'' That Sebastian! I despise him! I ''loathe'' him!
:'''Benjamin''': Never heard that one.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': How did that little invertebrate get to be chief of staff?
:'''Benjamin''': Chutzpah?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': I want that job. ''I deserve that job!'' So what if I'm late every once in a while and the girls are miserable?
:'''Benjamin''': Nobody's perfect.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': That's right. Nobody's... perfect. -
:'''Benjamin''': Oh... my.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Everyone makes mistakes, even... ''him!'' ''[singing]'' ''♪ Benjamin, I need to find a clue ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Or a good cuticle cream.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ To get myself Sebastian's job. To stage a little coup. A straw to break the camel's back. A teeny dent, a tiny crack. A quiver or a quake. What I need is one mistake ♪'' '''''OW!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, so sorry!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Just one mistake ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Now, color? Sardine Silver?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': No, thanks.
:'''Benjamin''': Orange roughy?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Not in the mood.
:'''Benjamin''': Rainbow trout?
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Just paint them the shade of clarified butter! ''[singing]'' ♪'' Sebastian, Oh, better be on his guard. ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': So much for my samples.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Cause I have some electric chums. And they'll be looking very hard. A straw to break Sebastian's back! A teeny dent, a tiny crack! A dowdy double take! What I need is one mistake! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Uno error.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Just one mistake Then... Hello, world! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, me.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ It's Marina Del Rey! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': That's right. Three names.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ I'm the new attach ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Ooh, French!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Or maybe more Oh, I want so much more ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Big surprise.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Hello, world! I'm the belle of the ball! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': I'm feelin' it. Big wave!
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ I'm the greatest of all the loyal royal big shots! ♪'' ''[shouting gleefully, grunts]''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[moans]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Mmm... ''[singing]'' ''♪ Work it, Marina! Pouty, sassy! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Pouty. Sassy.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ From the engine to the chassis! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Oo-wah oo-wah ♪''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Got to, got to! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Oo-wah oo-wah ♪''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Get it, get it! Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta'' '''''HAVE IT!!!!!!!''''' ''A straw to break the camel's back. A teeny dent, a tiny crack. A mini mighty break. What I need is one mistake. ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Mmm. 
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ And after that, who knows? ♪'' Sebastian's bound to make a mistake, right?
:'''Benjamin''': Not likely.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': Dream killer! ''[she dips her nails into the bowl angrily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': My name is Flounder.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, My name is Ariel. ''[Sees something]'' Oh, no! ''[That was Sebastian as he stopped until her land on Sebastian]''
:'''Sebastian''': Princess Ariel! What is the meaning of this?!
:'''Flounder''': Princess?
:'''Ariel''': Um... We weren't doing anything.
:'''Sebastian''': No? Then why were you trying to get away?
:'''Swordfish Guards''': ''[both growing]''
:'''Flounder''': Um... 'Cause they were chasing us?
:'''Swordfish Guard''': We heard music, chief.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[shrieks]'' ''Music! The princess was making music?!''
:'''Swordfish Guard''': The princess wasn't making music. He was.
:'''Flounder''': ''[whimpers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Music is against the law! Take him to the dungeon!
:'''Flounder''': I can't make it in the slammer!
:'''Sebastian''': ''Now!''
:'''Ariel''': Wait! This is all a big misunderstanding. Huge. You are gonna laugh when I explain. Which I'm about to do.
:'''Sebastian''': In this century, please.
:'''Ariel''': Right. You see, I was just cleaning the coral tubes, and my friend here ''[chuckles]'' were helping me.
:'''Flounder''': That's right. Best friends helpin' out. Makin' it happen.
:'''Ariel''': But not making music. ''[He make nervous smile]'' See?
:'''Sebastian''': Guards! Escort the princess back to the palace.
:'''Ariel''': But Sebastian...
:'''Sebastian''': ''[To Flounder]'' And you!
:'''Flounder''': ''[whimpers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Consider this your first and only warning, mon. ''[The two guard goes on to escort the princess back to the palace, but not before she glares at them]''
:'''Ariel''': Humph! ''[Sebastian sees that Flounder is still here and he give him the angry look that scares and he swims off]''
:'''Sebastian''': Oh! Intolerable, I tell you. That girl is working on my last!

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the morning, Sebastian crawls up to King Triton in his throne room]''
:'''Sebastian''': Good morning, Your Highness.
:'''King Triton''': Sebastian. Marina.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Good morning, Your Majesty.
:'''King Triton''': I have a problem. ''[Sebastian is shocked]'' It's Ariel.
:'''Sebastian''': Ariel?! I...
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Finally! So you see it, too? Oh, yes. She's rebellious, insubordinate, headstrong. We need to immediately implement a series of checks and balances designed to ''crush'' her spirit. What? Too harsh?
:'''Sebastian''': Absolutely! Your Highness, she is young, going through a phase.
:'''King Triton''': I don't remember having this much trouble with any of her sisters.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I do! They're all a handful. We should ''shave their heads.''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[yelps]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[clears throat]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Just kidding.
:'''King Triton''': Alana wasn't difficult at all.
:'''Sebastian''': Yes, Your Majesty. But Arista and the blowfish incident, remember?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh! It took weeks to clean up the palace.
:'''Sebastian''': And how about Aquata and that stingray?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh! I can still feel it.
:'''King Triton''': Well...
:'''Sebastian''': And the time Attina got her head stick in the conch shell.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': That was me.
:'''King Triton''': Well, perhaps you're right, Sebastian. Still, it seems Marina could use some help. I want you to look after Ariel.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[shrieks]''
:'''King Triton''': No offense, Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': None taken. 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[They bow down as King Triton leaves]'' Soft shell.
:'''Sebastian''': Tardy girl.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Stick eye.
:'''Sebastian''': Fish lips.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Backstabber!
:'''Sebastian''': Fashion disaster!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''BOTTOM FEEDER!'''''
:'''Sebastian''': '''''BABYSITTER!'''''
:'''King Triton''': Dismissed. ''[That got them to stop fighting. Meanwhile, we go to Ariel humming &quot;I Remember&quot; in her sleep, but then she wake up to see her sister staring at her]''
:'''Ariel''': What? ''[looks at her sisters being suspicious]'' What?
:'''Attina''': Uh... You were humming.
:'''Ariel''': ''[gasps]'' I was?
:'''Arista''': Out loud.
:'''Ariel''': Don't worry. ''[swims to her mirror]'' It was just a dream.
:'''Alana''': I'll tell you what wasn't a dream. We woke up at midnight.
:'''Aquata''': And your bed was still empty.
:'''Ariel''': Really?
:'''Andrina''': Yeah. That is two hours past curfew.
:'''Ariel''': Oh.
:'''Andrina''': Ooh, was it a boy?
:'''Adella''': If it's a boy, I'm gonna ''die!''
:'''Aquata''': Ugh... Drama.
:'''Adella''': I mean, I'm happy for you, Ariel. It's just that I'm two years older than you, and the only one I've come even close to kissing is Stevie.
:'''Andrina''': Ew! Squid-Lips Stevie?
:'''Adella''': It was on a dare.
:'''Andrina''': Whatever.
:'''Attina''': Girls, let's stick to the subject.
:'''Ariel''': Well, it wasn't a boy, OK? I was just helping a friend. Out past the kelp forest.
:'''Aquata''': Ooh! Past the kelp forest. It ''wasn't'' a boy. It was a ''bad boy.''
:'''Arista''': ''[gasping]'' Oh, Ariel.
:'''Aquata''': Simmer down there, sister.
:'''Attina''': So you were just helping a friend?
:'''Ariel''': Um... Yep.
:'''Attina''': Then, where'd you get... ''this?''
:'''Ariel's Sisters''': ''[all gasp]''
:'''Attina''': Can you imagine what'd happen if Dad found it?
:'''Ariel''': He's never here.
:'''Attina''': Don't get cute with me. This is serious. Where were you? ''[Andrina looks at her, Alana, Aquata, and Arista both looked at Ariel]''
:'''Ariel''': I was just... listening to music in an underground club.
:'''Attina''': OK, where were you really? ''[Ariel gives them the look]''
:'''Sisters''': ''[gasping]'' Listening to music?
:'''Aquata''': No way.
:'''Arista''': What was it like?
:'''Andrina''': Come on. Spill it.
:'''Ariel''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it was amazing. The energy, the dancing, the music... Just makes you feel like...
:'''Aquata''': Like what?
:'''Ariel''': Like when Mom was here.
:'''Arista''': Ariel, I wanna hear it, too.
:'''Ariel''': You do?
:'''Aquata''': Me, too.
:'''Adella''': OK. Me, too.
:'''Alana''': Me, too! Me, too!
:'''Andrina''': Not without me.
:'''Arista''': Yeah. Everybody does. Please, Ariel. Please?
:'''Ariel''': Well...
:'''Attina''': Oh!
:'''Ariel''': We'll go tonight.
:'''Arista''': I'm so excited!
:'''Aquata''': Music!
:'''Alana''': What should I wear?
:'''Adella''': So you think there'll be boys?
:'''Andrina''': One way to find out.
:'''Attina''': This is not ''happening!'' You go again and I...
:'''Andrina''': Oh, lighten up.
:'''Ariel''': Come on. ''[all...]''
:'''Girls''': Mmm?
:'''Attina''': OK. ''[The girls cheer as Marina and Benjamin arrives]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Come on, girls. Uppy-up.
:'''Andrina''': Morning.
:'''Benjamin''': They're early.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Yes. 
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, waiting for four.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Yes. ''[grabs Benjamin]'' But ''why?!'' ''[Leave at princesses' room]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After King Triton and his Royal Guards storm the club]''
:'''King Triton''': This is how you watch over my ''daughter?!''
:'''Sebastian''': Sire, I...
:'''King Triton''': I trusted you!
:'''Sebastian''': Sire. ''[Marina looks at this in pleasure]''
:'''King Triton''': Guards! ''Lock'' him away.
:'''Ariel''': What? No!
:'''King Triton''': '''''LOCK THEM ALL AWAY!'''''
:'''Sebastian''': But, Your Majesty, please!
:'''Swordfish guard''': Come on. Let's move it. ''[The guards escort the band, pushes Flounder]'' Hey.
:'''Flounder''': I'm with the band.
:'''Swordfish guard''': Sure you are, kid. ''[As they take them away]''
:'''King Triton''': Marina, you will take over Sebastian's duties immediately.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': As you wish,
:'''King Triton''': Attina. Take your sisters home.
:'''Attina''': Yes, sir.
:'''Ariel''': Father, you can't do this!
:'''King Triton''': It's already '''''DONE!''''' ''[Attina and Aquata drag Ariel out. As the princesses exit the club, King Triton, in far more rage than before, uses his trident to blast the rocks to block the entrance to the club. The scene fades to the princesses in the throne room at the palace.]'' You are all confined to the palace.
:'''Attina''': Yes, Father.
:'''Ariel''': ''[bitterly]'' Why don't you just lock us in jail?
:'''King Triton''': Ariel, you are confined to the palace until you understand what you've done.
:'''Ariel''': What did we do? Tell me, Daddy.
:'''Attina''': Ariel, just leave it alone.
:'''Ariel''': ''[angrily]'' No! ''[swims up to Triton so she can try to reason with him]'' We haven't done anything wrong. All we did was listen to music.
:'''King Triton''': ''Which you know is'' '''''forbidden!'''''
:'''Ariel''': But why? Why can't we have music?
:'''King Triton''': This discussion is over.
:'''Ariel''': Just tell me!
:'''King Triton''': I do not have to explain myself to you.
:'''Ariel''': I don't understand. We love music!
:'''King Triton''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling at Ariel]'' '''''I WILL NOT HAVE MUSIC IN MY KINGDOM!!!!!'''''
:''[Hearing this, Ariel becomes heartbroken and devastated by this.]''
:'''Ariel''': I may not remember much about my mother, but I ''know'' she wouldn't have wanted this. ''[She leaves the throne room, as the king and her sisters watch her leave. Triton becomes saddened while watching Ariel swim away. Cut to Ariel entering her and her sisters' room, and sitting while crying]'' ''[sobbing]'' ''[Her sisters enter the room as Attina is now 2 feet away from them]'' Attina? ''[Ariel tries to comfort Attina, but...]''
:'''Attina''':  You just don't know when to quit. ''[Attina glares at her and swims away from her]''
:'''Ariel''': What? ''[Her sisters did the same]''
:'''Adella''': It's over, Ariel.
:'''Ariel''': But... we were finally happy.
:'''Attina''': Look around, Ariel. No one's happy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin, Tear out those puny windows. 
:'''Benjamin''': Oh, no.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Rip down those narrow walls. This is just the beginning. I want a balcony so I can wave down to the adoring crowds. But high enough so they can't see disdain on my face. Can you taste it, Benjamin? The sweet taste of power! Filling, yet oddly minty! ''[singing]'' ''♪ Hello, world! It's Marina Del Rey! I'm the new attach! But I want more! [laughing] And'' '''''I'M NEVER GOING BACK!''''' ''Did you get that, clawboy?'' '''''NO, I'M NEVER GOING BACK... ♪'''''
:'''Delivery fish''': Delivery for Miss Del Rey.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Make no mistake! I'm here to stay! ♪''
:'''Benjamin''': Oh... OK.
:'''Marina Del Ray''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Meet the new'' '''''MARINA DEL REY!!!♪''''' ''[harmonizing]''
:'''Benjamin''': She does seem happier. Oh!
:'''Delivery fish''': How long has she been in charge?
:'''Benjamin''': We're going on... seven minutes.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Ah-ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, at the dungeon. Ray-Ray throws the ball against the wall with Flounder, as Sebastian, Cheeks and Shelbow are sad being in the dungeon, as Ink Spot panics]''
:'''Ink Spot''': I got to get out of here. I got to get out. The walls, they're closing in. There's no space! ''No Air!'' ''[grunting]'' I got it! We'll start a riot! Follow my lead. ''ATLANTICA! ATLANTICA!'' Join me, guys. '''''ATLANTICA!'''''
:'''Ray Ray''': Hey, Ink Spot.
:'''Ink Spot''': Yeah? ''[Ray-Ray throws the ball to Ink Spot as he squeezes the ball while breathing]''
:'''Ray Ray''': This ain't living. You know what I'm saying?
:'''Sheldon''': And the acoustics are non-good-ular. Listen. ''♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪''
:'''Flounder''': Come on, at least we're hanging out. Can I get a &quot;hoo-yah?&quot;
:'''Sebastian''': Come on, guys. This looks a lot worse than it is. I'll just get an audience with the king and I'll fix it.
:'''Shelbow''': Now, no offense, man, but you had ten years to fix it, and this is where we end up?
:'''Ink Spot''': In jail. ''[The band gathered around to discuss the plan]''
:'''Sebastian''': Well, I... ''[And the band are done discussing the plan]''
:'''Ray Ray''': The band has talked it up, see, and we want you to...
:'''Cheeks''': Slip through the bars.
:'''Shelbow''': Use your claws to pick the lock, man.
:'''Ink Spot''': And open that door! ''[They have each other about that being a good plan]''
:'''Flounder''': Liquid! ''[the gang looked at him]'' Just kidding.
:'''Sebastian''': No! Bad Plan! If we break out of this jail, there ain't no coming back here, mon! We'll be fugitives! ''[The pause at that, but they agree on being fugitives]''
:'''Flounder''': What's a fugitive? ''[Ariel arrives and heads to their cell]''
:'''Sebastian''': What about Ariel? You just gonna abandon her, leave her to deal wit all dat we tangled her up in? You tink that small, weak, helpless little girl can do anything by herself? ''[Ariel smashes the cell door with the rock]'' Ariel?
:'''Ariel''': ''[opens the cell door]'' Come on Sebastian, let's go.
:'''Shelbow''': I'm with her.
:'''Sebastian''': If we run away from Atlantica, it will break your father's heart.
:'''Ray Ray''': She got to do what she got to do.
:'''Ariel''': I'm sorry. I just can't live here.
:'''Ink Spot''': Yeah, let's go.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[closes the cell door]'' Listen, I will not be responsible for taking you away from your family.
:'''Ariel''': ''[opens the cell door again]'' I'm leaving! With or without you.
:'''Cheeks''': All right!
:'''Sebastian''': ''[closes the cell door again, but this time he is out of the cell]'' '''''NOBODY'S LEAVING!''''' ''[gasps]''
:'''Shelbow''': Except you.
:'''Ray Ray''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Ariel''': Look, Sebastian, without music, this place just isn't home.
:'''Shelbow''': You know she ain't lying.
:'''Ray Ray''': Ain't no comeback to that!
:'''Ink Spot''': You got that right.
:'''Sebastian''': ''[Tries to think]'' Ha! Oh, no, no, no. ''[gasps, grumbles]'' Never mind. ''[screams]''
:'''Ariel''': Are you OK?
:'''Sebastian''': Ariel, you're right! Without music, this place just isn't home. I know just where to go!
:'''Band and Flounder''': '''''FREEDOM!''''' ''[They go through the cell door ramming Sebastian against the wall]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sebastian''': Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Sebastian''': Flounder, shh! Move it, move it, move it, mon.
:'''Flounder''': Move it, move it, move it.
:'''Sebastian''': Flounder, please!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Sebastian''': Shh! This way. Come on.
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Ink Spot''': Flounder, shh! Be quiet.
:'''Cheeks''': Ditto!
:'''Shelbow''': Shh!
:'''Flounder''': ''[scatting loudly]'' '''''YEAH! HIT ME!'''''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Hey, small fry, I think you could use some lessons in fugitivity.
:'''Flounder''': Oh, yeah. Right. Got it. ''[conutining scatting]''
:'''Cheeks''': You're gonna blow it for all of us.
:'''Flounder''': Blow, good. ''[continues scatting]''
:'''Shelbow''': Hey, kid, ixnay on the soundtrack. 
:'''Flounder''': Why?
:'''Ink Spot''': Why? Why? Why? ''Try jail!''
:'''Cheeks''': Prison!
:'''Shelbow''': The big house!
:'''Sebastian''': The slammer!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Music is against the law, you dig?
:'''Flounder''': Not out here.
:'''All''': What?
:'''Flounder''': Come on. We ran away so we could sing. And I'm singing. Sing it with me. ''[scatting]''
:'''Shelbow''': You know, the kid's striking a major chord.
:'''Cheeks''': I feel it, I feel it.
:'''Shelbow''': Look at him go with his bad little self.
:'''Cheeks''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Ink Spot''': Come on. Let it happen.
:'''Ray-Ray''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Sha-na-na, na, na, na, an Na, na, na, na, na, an Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake your body line ♪''
:'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake your body line ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake it all the time ♪''
:'''Sebastian''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Shake it all the time ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''Work, work, work, Senora Work your body line ♪''
:'''Ariel''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Work your body ♪''
:'''Gang''': ''Work, work, work, Senora Work it all the time ♪''
:'''Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Let's break it down Jump-J-J-Jump in the line Rock your body on time ♪''
:'''Ray-Ray''': There he goes again.
:'''Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ J-J-Jump in the line ♪''
:'''Cheeks''': He's groovin'!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Let me try again now.
:'''Ray-Ray and Flounder''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump-J-J-Jump in the line - Rock your body on time - ♪''
:'''All''': We're in!
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump-J-J-Jump J- J-Jump Jump Whoo! Jump in the line ♪''
:'''Ink Spot''': ''HIT IT!''
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump in the line Rock your body in time ♪''
:'''Shelbow''': All right.
:'''Ink Spot''': OK.
:'''Cheeks''': Let's step-a-doodle.
:'''Gang''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Jump in the line Rock your body on time ♪''
:'''Flounder''': Where are we going exactly?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[To Flounder]'' Don't worry, mon.
:'''Flounder''': 'Cause I got to go to the bathroom.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, Flounder. I go to the bathroom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the palace, King Triton is sitting on his throne, as Marina arrives]''
:'''Marina Del Ray''': And thanks to my bold new initiatives, second only to my fabulous day wear and dressy evening separates, productivity in all sectors is up 20 percent. [The king ignores her as he swims away]'' Squids are producing more ink, kelp more oxygen, and the coral reef is just churning out the plankton. Chuga, chuga!'' [laughs]'' I do so enjoy fresh plankton on my salad, don't you? ''[He didn't answer]'' I'll take that as a yes. Ohh. As you can see, I - [raises chair to Triton's level]'' I'm a self starter, Your Majesty. Here to anticipate your every need! Not like that last guy, what was his name? Sooner we forget about him, the better. In fact! Let's make a vow, never to mention his name again. Here, I'll start! [claps hands over mouth]'' There! Wasn't that easy? ''[Benjamin appears]''
:'''Benjamin''': Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Busy!
:'''King Triton''': ''[Remorseful]'' I think I was too hard on them.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Huh?
:'''Benjamin''': It's about Ariel.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Not now!
:'''King Triton''': Perhaps I went too far.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Nonsense, Your Highness. Not possible. ''[Her seat went down to Benjamin]''
:'''Benjamin''': Marina.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[angrily turning around with her chair and yelling at Benjamin]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Attina''': ''[off screen]'' ''DADDY!''
:'''Benjamin''': Huh? ''[Attina arrives with the flower Ariel left behind]''
:'''Attina''': Ariel is missing.
:'''King Triton''': ''[shocked]'' What? 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[grabs Benjamin]'' ''Why didn't you tell me?!''
:'''Benjamin''': I just... did.
:'''Attina''': We can't find her! We've looked everywhere!
:'''King Triton''': Don't worry, I'll find her. Get me Sebastian!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': What, what No, no, no! No, I'm in charge here! ''[swims to Triton, but stops when he gives her the look]''
:'''Benjamin''': Sebastian's gone, too.
:'''King Triton''': Guards! Search the palace. Search every inch of Atlantica! '''''FIND MY DAUGHTER!''''' ''[Leaves along with Attina as the guards gone off to find Ariel]'' 
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Your Majesty. Whoo-hoo! Your Majesty, Your Majesty. ''[growls]'' ''[She turns to look at the flower as she goes to pick it up and squeezes it in anger.]'' '''''Sebastian.'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sabastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No.
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': No. 
:'''Flounder''': Are we there yet?
:'''Sebastian''': Yes. This is it.
:'''Flounder''': Are you sure? 
:'''Sebastian''': Yes.
:'''Ray Ray''': Are you sure?
:'''Sebastian''' Yes.
:'''Ariel''': Are you s-?
:'''Sebastian''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling at her]'' '''''YES!!!'''''
:'''Ink Spot''': Oh, man. We can't live ''here!''
:'''Shelbow''': Yeah, this place is all &quot;Oom-pa-pa.&quot; We need some... ''[drumbeats]''
:'''Sebastian''': Nonsense. It's perfect. Just listen to them acoustics: ''[singing]'' ''♪ Do, re, me, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪ [It echoes three times]'' Solid.
:'''Ray Ray''': Well, it beats the dungeon.
:'''Cheeks''': But not by much.
:'''Shelbow''': It'll do for the time being. Excuse me.
:''[He goes inside his shell and, Ink Spot goes on a boulder and sleeps upside down, and Ray-Ray buries himself in the sand]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Ooh... ''[Flounder tries to do the same thing that Ray Ray but fail and spits out the sand]''
:'''Flounder''': ''[sputtering]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian, be honest. Are we lost?
:'''Sebastian''': No, this is fine. There's more to this place than meets the eye.
:''[The gang went to sleep until...]''
:'''Flounder''': ''[Once again, scatting]''
:'''Everyone''': ''[angrily]'' ''''' KNOCK IT OFF!'''''
:'''Flounder''': Sorry. ''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the palace]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Give me back the key!
:'''Benjamin''': I said no.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Look, I haven't worked my tail off for the last 12 hours just to have it snatched away.
:'''Benjamin''': How about a nice relaxing bath?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin.
:'''Benjamin''': Kelp wrap?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Benjamin!
:'''Benjamin''': Lomi lomi rub?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[losing control of her rage and yelling at Benjamin]'' '''''GIVE ME THE KEY!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': But you said to never give it to you in a fit of rage!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''I'M PERFECTLY''' '''''CALM!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Doesn't sound it.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''GIVE!''''' ''[Benjamin ducks from her swipe]'' '''''GIVE!''''' 
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-mmm.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': '''''GIVE!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Benjamin''': Mm-mmm!
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh, look at the pretty fishies.
:'''Benjamin''': Really? Where? ''[She snatches the key from the distracted Benjamin]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[laughs]'' Ooh, yum-yums! Come to Mommy. ''[The eel came out of the hole and swim around their master and speaking in baby talk]'' Oh, yes. Mommy wuvs you.
:'''Benjamin''': OK, I'm not gonna watch this part. ''[shuddering]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': My, my, are you hungry? Ooh... Who wants crab cakes?
:'''Benjamin''': What are you going to do?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[turning around to Benjamin]'' Whatever it takes to get rid of Sebastian!
:'''Benjamin''': But what about Ariel?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Ariel? ''Ariel?!'' You're ''right'', she'll ''tattle!'' I'll have to get rid of her, too.
:'''Benjamin''': What?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': That's brilliant, Benjamin, ''brilliant!''
:'''Benjamin''': OK, that wasn't what I meant.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I never liked her anyway. I'll make it look like an accident. That's it! An accidental underwater ambush by a team of the cutest wittle yum-yums ever.
:'''Benjamin''': You've lost your mind.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''Sic 'em, boys!''
:'''Benjamin''': Ooh, what hath we wrought?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Oh, swim, you pretties. Swim, you pretties. ''Faster!'' Swim. ''[Her eels swim out the window and yelling again]'' '''''WAIT UP!!!!!!!!''''' ''[The eels kept on going]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the morning, Then Ariel wakes up as well and hears something and see something flashing in the distance, Sebastian snoring]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian.
:'''Sebastian''': Ten minutes, Mommy.
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian, did you hear that sound?
:'''Sebastian''': Leave me alone. I'm Sleeping.
:'''Ariel''': But there's something out there. Come on, help us find it.
:'''Sebastian''': I'm tired. You go check it out.
:''[Ariel swim  out to follow the sound, Sebastian watches her leave as Ariel swim to follow the sound, and she stopped near the kelp forest, She swim through the kelp forest, and she's amazed of what she seeing, A shiny cave is what she's entered, as she look through the walls]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[chuckles]'' [Ariel looks around and sees a reflection of herself and then she sees something, Ariel picks up the box and opens it and King Triton dancing with Queen Athena.]''
:'''Sebastian''': It was an anniversary present. Your father had the music box made for your mother. Athena was more than his queen, you know. She was his best friend.
:''[Flashback of her and her sisters young, and Triton dances with Athena. And they play with each other, and young Ariel playing the piano for the first time. And her bandaged hand being kissed by King Triton]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[VO]'' The family together. Music playing all the time.
:'''Narrator''': The palace always echoing with laughter. ''[The two girls hide and then they tackled their father, and they laugh in joy, and fades to Triton and Athena being on the rock at the surface world. And we fade back to the present.]'' 
:'''Sebastian''': When your mother died, the whole kingdom was heartbroken. The heart that never healed was your father's. ''[Ariel are sad about this]''
:'''Ariel''': It's so sad. He's forgotten what it feels like to be happy. I... I have to bring this back to him.
:'''Sebastian''': If you insist.
:'''Ariel''': This is why we came here, isn't it? ''[Sebastian smiles and we cut to the gang]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Whoa, whoa, let me get this straight. You led us out here...
:'''Ink Spot''': To the armpit of nowhere, man.
:'''Shelbow''': In the hope that Red might find the music box. And now you wanna go ''back'' to the palace...
:'''Ink Spot''': To return the music box to the king...
:'''Ray-Ray''': On the chance that maybe it'll...
:'''Shelbow''': Remind him to remember how to be happy...
:'''Ink Spot''': And then he'll bring music back?
:'''Sebastian''': That about sums it up.
:'''Cheeks''': Couldn't we just strap it to a dolphin? He'd get it eventually. 
:''[The band gathered around again, to discuss it. And the band are done discussing it and say.]''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Listen, the band talked it over, and...
:'''Shelbow''': We just can't take that chance.
:'''Sebastian''': What?!
:'''Flounder''': Huh?
:'''Ariel''': It's OK. Maybe someday it'll be different. You'll come home and play music all you want.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Sure, Red. Someday. Someday.
:'''Ariel''': Bye. ''[They swim different as Flounder is distaught by this]''
:'''Flounder''': What? No, no, wait. Ray-Ray! Guys! We can't just let them go back alone.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Drop it, small fry.
:'''Flounder''': But we took an oath! To jump, jive, wail, groove, rock steady, and at all times lend a helping hand to your fellow music lovers!
:'''Ray-Ray''': The Catfish Club is history. That oath don't mean a thing.
:'''Flounder''': Well, it still means something to me. Hey, Ariel! Wait up! Ariel! ''[Flounder swims up to Ariel's direction as the band watch him go]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[They go through the keep forest, only that it's low on kelp]''
:'''Sebastian''': I don't remember this much kelp when we came through here last night.
:''[One the &quot;kelp&quot; moved and touched Ariel]''
:'''Flounder''': Kelp, schmelp. I ain't afraid of these overgrown weeds. Hi-yah! Take this! And take that! ''[yelling in slow-motion]''
:''[He tries to bring down the kelp 4 times, but fails. And Flounder then looks up and the kelp were really Marina's eels.]''
:'''Sebastian''': Guys? That ain't kelp!
:''[They get scared of the eels and Marina pops up]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''SURPRISE!''!
:'''Sebastian''':  Marina? What are you wearing?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I thought I'd dress for the occasion.
:'''Sebastian''': What's the occasion? ''[She shows a net]'' ''[screams]'' '''''GO, GO, GO, GO!'''''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Sic 'em, boys! ''[cackling]''
:''[The eels chase them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sebastian facing against Marina]''
:'''Marina Del Rey''': I've tasted power, Sebastian. And I'm never letting go.
:'''Sebastian''':  Bring it on! ''[gathers the starfish]'' Come to daddy.
:''[Marina tries to attack him, but he throws starfish at her, and her face is covered with them]''
:'''Sebastian''':  Oh, my! ''[chuckling]''
:''[Marina gets angry and whacks him with her tail, Go back to Ariel and Flounder being chased by eels and comes across a dead end. Then Tentacles appear out of nowhere grabs them and pull them up and it turns out to be Ink Spot]''
:'''Ink Spot''': '''''NOW!'''''
:'''Ray-Ray''': Fire!
:''[He slingshits Cheeks into the pillars and they fall down and traps the eels inside]''
:'''Flounder''': Yeah! Awesome!
:'''Ray-Ray''': Ooh, they hurtin' for certain.
:'''Cheeks''': Yup, yup, yup. ''[Chuckles]''
:'''Ariel''': Sebastian's in trouble!
:'''Flounder''': Follow me!
:''[They swim to where Sebastian is facing Marina]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marina chase Sebastian with sea rocks]''
:'''Sebastian''': Come on, try and get me.
:'''Marina Del Rey''': Get back here! ''[He goes inside a tube, and Marina reaches in there and tries to grab him, but her finger is snaped by him]'' Ow!
:'''Sebastian''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ Boom, chika, boom chika, boom, boom, boom!''
:''[Marina then swim upward and then dives to crush Sebastian, but he gets out of the tube as Marina is caught and stick inside of it]''
:'''Sebastian''': Tight fit?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': You... stinks. ''[She falls and rolls down the hill and crashes off-screen]''
:'''Sebastian''': I win.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the final battle is over, Marina, still stick in a tube, decides to swim up and run over Sebastian]''
:'''Ariel''': ''[gasps]'' '''''SEBASTIAN!'''''
:'''Flounder''': '''''LOOK OUT!!!!'''''
:''[As Ariel swims forward, King Triton arrives and watches]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[Horrified]'' '''''ARIEL! NO!'''''
:''[Marina starts to go after to hit Sebastian, but Ariel blocked the attack, knocking her out of the way to save Sebastian, but rendered her unconscious. Ariel falls down, As King Triton swims toward her as the others watch in sadness. Then, the music box falls down from Ariel's arms and it opens and plays the song, as King Triton listens to it and realizes what has become of him]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[Devastated]'' What have I done? ''[singing]'' ''♪ Endless sky. Waves try to measure. The days that we treasure.''
:''[Then suddenly, Ariel wakes up]''
:'''Ariel''': Daddy?
:'''King Triton''': I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't listen.
:'''Ariel''': ''[hugs him]'' Daddy. Let's go home.
:'''Both''': ''[sigh]''
:''[King Triton swims off with Ariel in his arms]''
:'''Flounder''': Guys, you came back.
:'''Ray-Ray''': Sure did, small fry. Like you said, we took an oath.
:'''Ink Spot''': Come here, you little knucklehead. Group hug!
:'''Shelbow''': Big hug!
:'''Cheeks''': We dig you, man.
:''[They group hug around Flounder, squeezing him.]''
:'''Flounder''': Guys... can't breathe.
:''[Then Sebastian closes the music box and smiles at the audience]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the courtroom, the merpeople gathered in]''
:'''King Triton''': ''[clears throat]'' To my daughters, and to all the citizens I hereby decree that music will once again ring clear from one end of my kingdom to the other!
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''King Triton''': Therefore, I hereby present Atlantica's first official Court Composer.
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''Sebastian''': Thank you, Your Highness. Uh.... Not that we don't trust you, Your Majesty, but...Swifty, Hit it, Sing it, mon.
:'''Swifty''': ''[clears throat]'' Raise your right hand, fin, claw, tentacle, or whatever the case may be. ''[Triton raises his hand]'' Very good. Do you promise to jump, jive, wail, groove, rock steady and at all times lend a helping hand to your fellow music lovers?
:'''King Triton''': Um... I do? 
:'''Crowd''': ''[cheers]''
:'''Attina''': ''[hugs her sister]'' Thank you, Ariel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;60%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Marina and Benjamin are locked up with the dungeon and last line]''
:'''Benjamin''': Let's think about what we've learned. You just can't hurting merpeople. Hurting is meaning. We don't want to be mean, do we?
:'''Marina Del Rey''': ''[blows her nose; last words]'' Maybe you're right.
:'''Benjamin''': That's my girl. Samba?
:''[up-tempo music plays, as he dances, and Marina joins in on the dance]''
:'''Benjamin ''': ''[last words]'' Ooh-wa, ooh-wa!

==Cast==
* [[Jodi Benson]] — Ariel
* [[Samuel E. Wright]] — Sebastian
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Cleo
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] — King Triton, Shelbow
* [[Sally Field]] — Marina Del Ray
* Parker Goris — Flounder
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] — Adella, Andrina
* [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] — Alana
* [[Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]] — Aquata, Arista
* [[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] — Attina
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Glen Bennett]] — Benjamin, Swordfish Guards #1 and #2
* Lorelei Hill Butters &lt;small&gt;(speaking) - Queen Athena &lt;/small&gt;&lt;br&gt;[[w:Andrea Robinson (singer)|Andrea Robinson]] &lt;small&gt;(singing)&lt;/small&gt; — Queen Athena
* [[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] — Ink Spot and Swifty
* [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin M. Richardson]] — Cheeks and Ray-Ray

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{Imdb title| id=0969647|title=The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning}}

{{Disney's The Little Mermaid}}
{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning}}
[[Category:The Little Mermaid (franchise)]]
[[Category:2008 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:Films about mermaids]]
[[Category:Films about fish]]
[[Category:Films set in a fictional country]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about fish]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–daughter relationships]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>214829</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951709</id>
      <parentid>3951087</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:18:40Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="4127" sha1="6u3p9gieb7og7epu0uckl5ezc01jhsv" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century}}''''' is a 1952 Merrie Melodies color cartoon from Warner Bros., first released on July 25, 1953, that stars Daffy Duck as space hero Duck Dodgers, Porky Pig as his assistant, and Marvin the Martian as his opponent. This cartoon marked the first of many appearances of the Duck Dodgers character.

This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]''.

==Dialogue==
:'''Duck Dodgers''': And now then, eager young space cadet, here is the course we shall pursue to find Planet X. Starting from where we are, we go 33,600 turbo miles due up. Then west in an Astro-arc deviation to here, then following the great circle seven radio lubes south by DownEast. By astrolatries to here, here, and here, then by space Navigo-compass to here, here, and then to here and here. By thirteen-point strata-cumulus bearing four million light-years, and thus to our destination. Now do you know how to reach Planet X?
:'''Porky Pig''': Y-y-ye... Oh sure.
:'''Duck Dodgers''': ''[Staring stunned at the cadet, then at the chart's ridiculously complex path]'' Well, I wish you'd explain it to me some time, buster!
:'''Porky Pig''': Why, it's very simple, sir. ''[Points to progression of lettered planets]'' If we follow those planets, we can't very well miss Planet X.
:'''Duck Dodgers''': ''[laughing]'' Oh, that's ridiculous! Of all the stupid suggestions! Ha! Hey, wait a minute. I think I've got it. I'll just bet that if we follow those planets, we'll find Planet X. Gad! How do I do it?
:'''Porky Pig''': I d-d-don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duck Dodgers''': ''[plants his flag]'' I claim this planet in the name of the Earth!
:''[the Martian Maggot lands. Marvin the Martian leaves his ship and plants a Martian flag.]''
:'''Marvin the Martian''': I claim this planet in the name of Mars! Isn't that lovely?
:'''Duck Dodgers''': Look, bud, I've got news for you. I have already claimed this bit of dirt for the Earth, and there just isn't room enough on this planet for the two of us.
:'''Marvin the Martian''': I do believe you are right. ''[pulls his disintegrating pistol]''
:'''Duck Dodgers''': Heh! Little does he realize that I have on my disintegration-proof vest. You may fire when ready, Gridley.
:''[Marvin fires; Dodger is reduced to dust, but the vest is intact. Porky immediately runs out and re-atomizes Dodgers with a Re-Integrating Pistol]''
:'''Duck Dodgers''': What-where-who-how- Oh, you, huh? Just when I had him going, you had to butt in! Well, get back in that spaceship!
:'''Porky Pig''': Eh, y-y-yes, sir, Your Hero ship, sir. ''[heads back to the ship.]''
:'''Duck Dodgers''': ''[runs back to Marvin with his own disintegrating pistol]'' Ha-ha, got the drop on you with MY disintegrating pistol! And, brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates! ''[pulls the trigger, whereupon the pistol itself disintegrates.]''
:'''Duck Dodgers''': Heh, well, what do you know? It disintegrated. ''[Marvin fires, but Dodgers gets out of the way in time and runs into the ship. Porky opens the door and gives Marvin a lit stick of dynamite]''
:'''Porky Pig''': Happy b-b-birthday you think from another world you. ''[Porky closes the door]''
:'''Marvin the Martian''': Oh, thank you. ''[the dynamite explodes, leaving only Marvin's helmet. Looking angry, he glares at the closed door, and still in his helmet, goes back to the Martian Maggot]''

== Voice Cast ==
*Mel Blanc - Duck Dodgers (Daffy Duck)/Porky Pig/Marvin the Martian

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0045709}}
{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated science fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated space adventure short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons‎]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons‎]]
[[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Marvin the Martian cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional planets]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Porky &amp; Daffy</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>215804</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951910</id>
      <parentid>3715775</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T01:39:58Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="1079" sha1="ft49ukmxodv99dtufxrir055el1bu7o" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Porky &amp; Daffy|Porky &amp; Daffy]]''''' is a 1938 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] cartoon produced by [[w:Leon Schlesinger|Leon Schlesinger]], starting [[Porky Pig]] and [[Daffy Duck]].

==[[Daffy Duck]]==
* [[w:Singin' in the Bathtub|Singin' in the bathtub]].

==[[Porky Pig]]==
* ''[last lines]'' That's all folks.

==Dialogue==
:'''Pelican Referee''': Challenger, at ninety-five and one-fifth pound...
:''[Daffy pushes on the pelican's beak so it vibrates back and forth with random syllables]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Sold to the American Tabasco Company!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Porky Pig / Daffy Duck / The Champ / Pelican Referee. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0030601}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1938 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Boxing films]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Bob Clampett]]</text>
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    <title>Aladdin (2019 film)</title>
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      <text bytes="12910" sha1="7j1ffxkdx21pk13ox34r4ga2oudrfkb" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Aladdin (2019 film)|Aladdin]]''''' is a [[w:2019 in film|2019]] American musical fantasy film produced by Walt Disney Pictures about a kind-hearted street urchin and a power-hungry Grand Vizier who vie for a magic lamp that has the power to make their deepest wishes come true. It is based on the [[Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|1992 version]] from ''[[One Thousand and One Nights]]''. 
:''Directed by [[w:Guy Ritchie|Guy Ritchie]]. Written by [[w:John August|John August]] and Guy Ritchie.''
{{center/s}}'''Choose wisely.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Aladdin ==
* If you don't have anything, you have to act like you own everything.

== Princess Jasmine ==
* ''[singing]'' Nobody turns off this voice!!!!
* I was born to do more than marry some useless prince.
* Rajah, it’s enough!!
* ''[during the marry with Jafar]'' Yes, I…

== Genie ==
* If I was gonna talk to myself, I could have just stayed in the lamp.
* A couple thousand years in the Cave of Wonders oughta cool you off.
* As you wish, Master.

== Jafar ==
* Another petty insult from that small-minded fool. He sees a city where I see an empire. Once that lamp sits in my hand... then I shall sit on his throne.
* Genie, for my first wish… I wish to be Sultan of Agrabah!

== The Sultan ==
* I feared losing you, like I lost your mother. All I saw was my little girl, not the woman you have become. You've shown me courage and strength. You... are the future of Agrabah. You... shall be the next Sultan.

== Dalia ==
* If you had to marry a useless prince, you could certainly do worse than this one. He's tall and handsome, and yes, he's a little dim, but you're just getting married. It's not like you have to talk to him... but you'd prefer that boy from the market.
* ''[pretending to be Jasmine]'' Oh, I’m the princess!! Yes and it is good to be me with all my palaces and wagons of gold things and dresses  for every hour of the day. Now it’s time for my cat to be cleaned.
* ''[seeing the gifts]'' The jams?
* ''[to Genie]'' I want two children: Lian and Omar with a two years of difference.

== Iago ==
* Second! Uh-oh! Who's in trouble now?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Jasmine''': ''[pretending to be her handmaiden]'' My name is Dalia.
:'''Aladdin''': Dalia. From the palace.
:'''Jasmine''': How could you tell?
:'''Aladdin''': Well, only someone from the palace afford a bracelet like that and that silk lining is imported too it comes from the merchant boat, straight to the palace, at the least most servants which means you are the handmaiden of the princess? Impressive.
:'''Jasmine''': Yes. She is not allowed to leave the castle. You think that’s impressive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[mimics the Sultan]'' &quot;Remember your place, Jafar.&quot;
:'''Iago''': Remember your place.
:'''Jafar''': If I hear that one more time...
:'''Iago''': Sorry, Master.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin rubs the lamp and the Genie comes out of it]''
:'''Genie''': Oh, great one who summons me! Terrible one who commands me! I stand by my oath-- Loyalty to wishes three!
:''[Aladdin stares in awe at the Genie]''
:'''Genie''': I said, oh, great... Excuse me. Boy, where's your boss? Help me out here, where's your boss?
:''[Aladdin stays silent, still in awe at the Genie]''
:'''Genie''': If I was gonna talk to myself, I coulda just stayed in the lamp. Hello!
:'''Aladdin''': Um...
:'''Genie''': Use your big boy voice.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm talking to a smoking blue giant?
:'''Genie''': No! I am not a giant. I am a genie! There's a difference. Giants are not real. Where's your boss?
:'''Aladdin''': Um, my boss?
:'''Genie''': Look, kid, I've been doing this a long time, all right? There's always a guy, you know. He's cheated somebody or buried somebody or... I mean, you get my point. Where's that guy?
:'''Aladdin''': I know that guy. He's outside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cave''': Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[sees Abu looking the ruby]'' Abu! NO!
:''[The inside of the cave starts to rumble]''
:'''Cave''': You have touched the forbidden treasure! Now you will never again see the light of DAY!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': Inside the lamp, everything’s like, &quot;Brass! Brass! Brass! Brass! Ooh, is that some copper? Nope! Brass!&quot; Sort of the problem with the genie life. Phenomenal cosmic powers! Itty bitty living space.
:'''Aladdin''': ''(holds up the lamp)'' So, is this magic, or are you magic?
:'''Genie''': Eh, kind of a package deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sultan''': ''[after Aladdin breaks Jafar's staff from his spell]'' What happened?
:'''Aladdin''': He had you under his spell.
:'''Jafar''': He's not to be trusted. Your Majesty.
:'''Aladdin''': He wants your throne.
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, you were my most trusted advisor! Hakim! Put him in the dungeon!
:''[Hakim and his guards take Jafar away and lock him in the dungeon]''
:'''Jafar''': You should think about how quickly the sands of power shift in the storm, Hakim.
:'''Hakim''': I am loyal to my sultan. As you should have been. The law is the law.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': So, you got the girl. I mean, trust me, I had my doubts after your whole jam debacle. But, you pulled yourself back together a little bit.
:'''Aladdin''': I did, didn't I? I think I finally got the hang of being a prince.
:'''Genie''': Oh, well, that's not exactly what I meant...
:'''Aladdin''': But you were right. People see what they want to see. Aladdin is gone. I'm Prince Ali now.
:'''Genie''': Wow. Got it all figured now, huh, kid?
:'''Aladdin''': And you know, I was thinking about my last wish, and I just...I can't do this without you. I know I told you I'd use it to set you free, but you heard the Sultan. I can't let everything that we've worked for fall apart.
:'''Genie''': ''[hurt]'' So... you just never tell her the truth? You're gonna keep living the lie?
:'''Aladdin''': It's not a lie. People can change.
:'''Genie''': Heh, oh they can change, all right.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[angry]'' And that's a bad thing? Everything's better now. No one got hurt. You'd rather me be back on the streets stealing to survive? I... thought you'd be happy me. But all you cared about was that I use my last wish to set you free.
:'''Genie''': ''[shocked]'' Wow. Kid, I don't care nothin' about that wish. This is about you. What's happening to you. You'd rather lie to someone you love than give all this up.
:'''Aladdin''': You don't get it, Genie. People like me don't get anything except by pretending.
:'''Genie''': I think, maybe, you don't get it. The more you gain by pretending, the less you're actually gonna have. In 10,000 years, I have never once, ever... called a master a friend. I broke the rules for you. I saved your life… and for what? You are breaking my heart here, kid. You're breaking my heart. ''[goes back inside his lamp]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, no. Hey, come on!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin rushes into the palace to grab the lamp.]''
:'''Iago''': Prince Ali!
:''[Jafar freezes Aladdin in place]''
:'''Jafar''': If it isn't our Prince Ali.
:'''Jasmine''': Ali!
:'''Jafar''': Or should I say... ''[teleports Aladdin in front of without and removes his prince outfit]'' ...Aladdin?
:'''Jasmine''': ''[shocked]'' Aladdin?
:'''Jafar''': He's been pretending the entire time. An imposter. There is no Prince Ali. There never was. He's nothing but a lying thief.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm sorry.
:'''Jafar''': You're insignificant. An irritation I no longer need to tolerate, once, I ensure your agonizing death by...banishing you to the ends of the Earth. ''[teleports Aladdin and Abu to the snowy ends of the Earth]''
:'''Aladdin''': '''NO!'''
:'''Jafar''': I could simply kill you all. But that would be inadequate repayment for years of humiliation and neglect. &quot;Remember your place, Jafar.&quot; &quot;You forget yourself, Jafar.&quot;
:'''Sultan''': Jafar.
:'''Jafar''': No. What you need, Baba, is to suffer. Like I have suffered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': As the old man said, &quot;You should have left Agrabah when you had the chance.&quot; I told you before to think bigger. You could have been the most powerful man in the room. But now, I hold the lamp. I hold the power.
:'''Aladdin''': You can’t find what you’re looking for in that lamp, Jafar. I tried and failed, and so will you.
:'''Jafar''': You think so? But I am Sultan! I am the greatest sorcerer the world has ever seen. I will create an empire that history cannot ignore. I can destroy cities. I can destroy kingdoms. And I can destroy you.
:'''Aladdin''': True. But who made you a sultan? Who made you a sorcerer? There will always be some thing, some man, some being more powerful than you.
:'''Genie''': What are you doing?
:'''Aladdin''': Genie gave you your power, and he can take it away.
:'''Jafar''': He serves me.
:'''Aladdin''': For now. But you'll never have more power than the Genie. You said it yourself. You're either the most powerful in the room, or you're nothing. You'll always be second.
:'''Iago''': Second. Second. ''[squawks, then cackles]''
:'''Jafar''': Second?! Only second?! He serves me! I will make sure no one will ever say these words again! Genie, for my final wish, I wish to become the most powerful being in the universe! More powerful than you!
:'''Genie''': A lot of gray area in that wish. But, uh, the most powerful being in the universe, coming right up!
:''[Genie transforms Jafar into a genie]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs maniacally]'' The most powerful in the universe! At last! Second to no one! And I thought I had power before! First, I'll lay waste to those fools in Sherabad. ''[tries to use his magic to attack Sherabad, his shackles instantly appear]'' What have you done to me?
:'''Aladdin''': I haven't done anything to you, Jafar.
:'''Jafar''': '''''What have you done to me?!'''''
:'''Aladdin''': This was your wish, not mine. A genie might have phenomenal cosmic powers...
:'''Genie''': But an itty-bitty living space. You see, a genie - without a master - goes back in their lamp.
:''[Jafar's own lamp appears and starts to suck him inside]''
:'''Jafar''': I will not forget you, boy! Mark my words. I will not forget what you have done to me!
:'''Iago''': Goodbye, Jafar!
:'''Jafar''': '''''PARROT, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!''''' ''[he grabs Iago as he gets sucked into his lamp]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': Okay.
:'''Genie''': Last wish.
:'''Aladdin''': Genie.
:'''Genie''': I'm ready, hold on, here we go...
:'''Aladdin''': I wish...
:'''Genie''': Third and final wish.
:'''Aladdin''': I wish… to set you free.
:'''Genie''': ...What? ''[his magical cuffs unlock and dissolve away, and he becomes human]'' Wait. Am I...? Uh, tell-tell me to do something.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh... get me some jams.
:'''Genie''': ...Get it yourself? ''[nothing happens]'' Get your own jams! ''[Aladdin embraces him]'' Thank you. Thank you.
:'''Aladdin''': No. Thank you, Genie. I owe you everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Jasmine''': Stop, thief! Your sultan commands it!
:'''Aladdin''': Sultan? Does that mean I'm in trouble?
:'''Jasmine''': Only because you got caught.
:''[they kiss]''

== Taglines ==
* Choose wisely.
* The magic comes to life
* On May 24 comes a rags to wishes story.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mena Massoud|Mena Massoud]] — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]]
* [[w:Naomi Scott|Naomi Scott]] — {{w|Princess Jasmine}}
* [[Will Smith]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]]
* [[Marwan Kenzari]] — [[w:Jafar (Disney)|Jafar]]
* [[w:Navid Negahban|Navid Negahban]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#The Sultan|The Sultan]]
* [[w:Nasim Pedrad|Nasim Pedrad]] — Dalia
* [[w:Billy Magnussen|Billy Magnussen]] — Prince Anders
* [[w:Numan Acar|Numan Acar]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Hakim|Hakim]]
* Robby Haynes — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Razoul|Razoul]]
* [[Jason Lee]] - Voice of [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]]
* [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Voice of [[w:Iago (Disney)|Iago]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — Voices of [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Rajah|Rajah]], [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Tiger God (Cave of Wonders)|Cave of Wonders]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=6139732| title=Aladdin}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2019 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:American remake films]]
[[Category:3D films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle East]]
[[Category:Films directed by Guy Ritchie]]
[[Category:Middle Eastern mythology]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Disney's Aladdin]]</text>
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      <text bytes="12923" sha1="eaq66pa6f5u86gnk99p1fhqvcwzwflo" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Aladdin (2019 film)|Aladdin]]''''' is a [[w:2019 in film|2019]] American musical fantasy film produced by Walt Disney Pictures about a kind-hearted street urchin and a power-hungry Grand Vizier who vie for a magic lamp that has the power to make their deepest wishes come true. It is based on the [[Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|1992 version]] from ''[[One Thousand and One Nights]]''. 
:''Directed by [[w:Guy Ritchie|Guy Ritchie]]. Written by [[w:John August|John August]] and Guy Ritchie.''
{{center/s}}'''Choose wisely.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Aladdin ==
* If you don't have anything, you have to act like you own everything.

== Princess Jasmine ==
* ''[singing]'' Nobody turns off this voice!!!!
* I was born to do more than marry some useless prince.
* Rajah, it’s enough!!
* ''[during the marry with Jafar]'' Yes, I…

== Genie ==
* If I was gonna talk to myself, I could have just stayed in the lamp.
* A couple thousand years in the Cave of Wonders oughta cool you off.
* As you wish, Master.

== Jafar ==
* Another petty insult from that small-minded fool. He sees a city where I see an empire. Once that lamp sits in my hand... then I shall sit on his throne.
* Genie, for my first wish… I wish to be Sultan of Agrabah!

== The Sultan ==
* I feared losing you, like I lost your mother. All I saw was my little girl, not the woman you have become. You've shown me courage and strength. You... are the future of Agrabah. You... shall be the next Sultan.

== Dalia ==
* If you had to marry a useless prince, you could certainly do worse than this one. He's tall and handsome, and yes, he's a little dim, but you're just getting married. It's not like you have to talk to him... but you'd prefer that boy from the market.
* ''[pretending to be Jasmine]'' Oh, I’m the princess!! Yes and it is good to be me with all my palaces and wagons of gold things and dresses  for every hour of the day. Now it’s time for my cat to be cleaned.
* ''[seeing the gifts]'' The jams?
* ''[to Genie]'' I want two children: Lian and Omar with a two years of difference.

== Iago ==
* Second! Uh-oh! Who's in trouble now?

== Dialogue ==
:'''Jasmine''': ''[pretending to be her handmaiden]'' My name is Dalia.
:'''Aladdin''': Dalia. From the palace.
:'''Jasmine''': How could you tell?
:'''Aladdin''': Well, only someone from the palace afford a bracelet like that and that silk lining is imported too it comes from the merchant boat, straight to the palace, at the least most servants which means you are the handmaiden of the princess? Impressive.
:'''Jasmine''': Yes. She is not allowed to leave the castle. You think that’s impressive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': ''[mimics the Sultan]'' &quot;Remember your place, Jafar.&quot;
:'''Iago''': Remember your place.
:'''Jafar''': If I hear that one more time...
:'''Iago''': Sorry, Master.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin rubs the lamp and the Genie comes out of it]''
:'''Genie''': Oh, great one who summons me! Terrible one who commands me! I stand by my oath-- Loyalty to wishes three!
:''[Aladdin stares in awe at the Genie]''
:'''Genie''': I said, oh, great... Excuse me. Boy, where's your boss? Help me out here, where's your boss?
:''[Aladdin stays silent, still in awe at the Genie]''
:'''Genie''': If I was gonna talk to myself, I coulda just stayed in the lamp. Hello!
:'''Aladdin''': Um...
:'''Genie''': Use your big boy voice.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm talking to a smoking blue giant?
:'''Genie''': No! I am not a giant. I am a genie! There's a difference. Giants are not real. Where's your boss?
:'''Aladdin''': Um, my boss?
:'''Genie''': Look, kid, I've been doing this a long time, all right? There's always a guy, you know. He's cheated somebody or buried somebody or... I mean, you get my point. Where's that guy?
:'''Aladdin''': I know that guy. He's outside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cave''': Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': ''[sees Abu looking the ruby]'' Abu! NO!
:''[The inside of the cave starts to rumble]''
:'''Cave''': You have touched the forbidden treasure! Now you will never again see the light of DAY!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': Inside the lamp, everything’s like, &quot;Brass! Brass! Brass! Brass! Ooh, is that some copper? Nope! Brass!&quot; Sort of the problem with the genie life. Phenomenal cosmic powers! Itty bitty living space.
:'''Aladdin''': ''(holds up the lamp)'' So, is this magic, or are you magic?
:'''Genie''': Eh, kind of a package deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sultan''': ''[after Aladdin breaks Jafar's staff from his spell]'' What happened?
:'''Aladdin''': He had you under his spell.
:'''Jafar''': He's not to be trusted. Your Majesty.
:'''Aladdin''': He wants your throne.
:'''Sultan''': Jafar, you were my most trusted advisor! Hakim! Put him in the dungeon!
:''[Hakim and his guards take Jafar away and lock him in the dungeon]''
:'''Jafar''': You should think about how quickly the sands of power shift in the storm, Hakim.
:'''Hakim''': I am loyal to my sultan. As you should have been. The law is the law.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Genie''': So, you got the girl. I mean, trust me, I had my doubts after your whole jam debacle. But, you pulled yourself back together a little bit.
:'''Aladdin''': I did, didn't I? I think I finally got the hang of being a prince.
:'''Genie''': Oh, well, that's not exactly what I meant...
:'''Aladdin''': But you were right. People see what they want to see. Aladdin is gone. I'm Prince Ali now.
:'''Genie''': Wow. Got it all figured now, huh, kid?
:'''Aladdin''': And you know, I was thinking about my last wish, and I just...I can't do this without you. I know I told you I'd use it to set you free, but you heard the Sultan. I can't let everything that we've worked for fall apart.
:'''Genie''': ''[hurt]'' So... you just never tell her the truth? You're gonna keep living the lie?
:'''Aladdin''': It's not a lie. People can change.
:'''Genie''': Heh, oh they can change, all right.
:'''Aladdin''': ''[angry]'' And that's a bad thing? Everything's better now. No one got hurt. You'd rather me be back on the streets stealing to survive? I... thought you'd be happy me. But all you cared about was that I use my last wish to set you free.
:'''Genie''': ''[shocked]'' Wow. Kid, I don't care nothin' about that wish. This is about you. What's happening to you. You'd rather lie to someone you love than give all this up.
:'''Aladdin''': You don't get it, Genie. People like me don't get anything except by pretending.
:'''Genie''': I think, maybe, you don't get it. The more you gain by pretending, the less you're actually gonna have. In 10,000 years, I have never once, ever... called a master a friend. I broke the rules for you. I saved your life… and for what? You are breaking my heart here, kid. You're breaking my heart. ''[goes back inside his lamp]''
:'''Aladdin''': Genie, no. Hey, come on!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Aladdin rushes into the palace to grab the lamp.]''
:'''Iago''': Prince Ali!
:''[Jafar freezes Aladdin in place]''
:'''Jafar''': If it isn't our Prince Ali.
:'''Jasmine''': Ali!
:'''Jafar''': Or should I say... ''[teleports Aladdin in front of without and removes his prince outfit]'' ...Aladdin?
:'''Jasmine''': ''[shocked]'' Aladdin?
:'''Jafar''': He's been pretending the entire time. An imposter. There is no Prince Ali. There never was. He's nothing but a lying thief.
:'''Aladdin''': I'm sorry.
:'''Jafar''': You're insignificant. An irritation I no longer need to tolerate, once, I ensure your agonizing death by...banishing you to the ends of the Earth. ''[teleports Aladdin and Abu to the snowy ends of the Earth]''
:'''Aladdin''': '''NO!'''
:'''Jafar''': I could simply kill you all. But that would be inadequate repayment for years of humiliation and neglect. &quot;Remember your place, Jafar.&quot; &quot;You forget yourself, Jafar.&quot;
:'''Sultan''': Jafar.
:'''Jafar''': No. What you need, Baba, is to suffer. Like I have suffered.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jafar''': As the old man said, &quot;You should have left Agrabah when you had the chance.&quot; I told you before to think bigger. You could have been the most powerful man in the room. But now, I hold the lamp. I hold the power.
:'''Aladdin''': You can’t find what you’re looking for in that lamp, Jafar. I tried and failed, and so will you.
:'''Jafar''': You think so? But I am Sultan! I am the greatest sorcerer the world has ever seen. I will create an empire that history cannot ignore. I can destroy cities. I can destroy kingdoms. And I can destroy you.
:'''Aladdin''': True. But who made you a sultan? Who made you a sorcerer? There will always be some thing, some man, some being more powerful than you.
:'''Genie''': What are you doing?
:'''Aladdin''': Genie gave you your power, and he can take it away.
:'''Jafar''': He serves me.
:'''Aladdin''': For now. But you'll never have more power than the Genie. You said it yourself. You're either the most powerful in the room, or you're nothing. You'll always be second.
:'''Iago''': Second. Second. ''[squawks, then cackles]''
:'''Jafar''': Second?! Only second?! He serves me! I will make sure no one will ever say these words again! Genie, for my final wish, I wish to become the most powerful being in the universe! More powerful than you!
:'''Genie''': A lot of gray area in that wish. But, uh, the most powerful being in the universe, coming right up!
:''[Genie transforms Jafar into a genie]''
:'''Jafar''': ''[laughs maniacally]'' The most powerful in the universe! At last! Second to no one! And I thought I had power before! First, I'll lay waste to those fools in Sherabad. ''[tries to use his magic to attack Sherabad, his shackles instantly appear]'' What have you done to me?
:'''Aladdin''': I haven't done anything to you, Jafar.
:'''Jafar''': '''''What have you done to me?!'''''
:'''Aladdin''': This was your wish, not mine. A genie might have phenomenal cosmic powers...
:'''Genie''': But an itty-bitty living space. You see, a genie - without a master - goes back in their lamp.
:''[Jafar's own lamp appears and starts to suck him inside]''
:'''Jafar''': I will not forget you, boy! Mark my words. I will not forget what you have done to me!
:'''Iago''': Goodbye, Jafar!
:'''Jafar''': '''''PARROT, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!''''' ''[he grabs Iago as he gets sucked into his lamp]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Aladdin''': Okay.
:'''Genie''': Last wish.
:'''Aladdin''': Genie.
:'''Genie''': I'm ready, hold on, here we go...
:'''Aladdin''': I wish...
:'''Genie''': Third and final wish.
:'''Aladdin''': I wish… to set you free.
:'''Genie''': ...What? ''[his magical cuffs unlock and dissolve away, and he becomes human]'' Wait. Am I...? Uh, tell-tell me to do something.
:'''Aladdin''': Uh... get me some jams.
:'''Genie''': ...Get it yourself? ''[nothing happens]'' Get your own jams! ''[Aladdin embraces him]'' Thank you. Thank you.
:'''Aladdin''': No. Thank you, Genie. I owe you everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Jasmine''': Stop, thief! Your sultan commands it!
:'''Aladdin''': Sultan? Does that mean I'm in trouble?
:'''Jasmine''': Only because you got caught.
:''[they kiss]''

== Taglines ==
* Choose wisely.
* The magic comes to life
* On May 24 comes a rags to wishes story.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mena Massoud|Mena Massoud]] — [[w:Aladdin (Disney character)|Aladdin]]
* [[w:Naomi Scott|Naomi Scott]] — {{w|Princess Jasmine}}
* [[Will Smith]] — [[w:Genie (Disney)|Genie]]
* [[Marwan Kenzari]] — [[w:Jafar (Disney)|Jafar]]
* [[w:Navid Negahban|Navid Negahban]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#The Sultan|The Sultan]]
* [[w:Nasim Pedrad|Nasim Pedrad]] — Dalia
* [[w:Billy Magnussen|Billy Magnussen]] — Prince Anders
* [[w:Numan Acar|Numan Acar]] — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Hakim|Hakim]]
* Robby Haynes — [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Razoul|Razoul]]
* [[w:Jason Lee|Jason Lee]] -- Voice of [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Abu|Abu]]
* [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Voice of [[w:Iago (Disney)|Iago]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — Voices of [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Rajah|Rajah]], [[w:List of Disney's Aladdin characters#Tiger God (Cave of Wonders)|Cave of Wonders]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=6139732| title=Aladdin}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2019 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:American remake films]]
[[Category:3D films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle East]]
[[Category:Films directed by Guy Ritchie]]
[[Category:Middle Eastern mythology]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Disney's Aladdin]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Windblown Hare</title>
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        <id>3222540</id>
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      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
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      <text bytes="2045" sha1="qmeb3l7l6shj95xx63h8usxtwmhrde8" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Windblown Hare|The Windblown Hare]]''''' is a one-reel [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' animated short directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. It was originally released on August 27, 1949. The title, another pun on &quot;hair&quot;, refers to Bugs being subjected to the Wolf's &quot;blowing the [[house]]s in&quot;.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

==[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]==
* Now, just a minute, Doc!
* Of course, you know, this means war!
* Why, Granny! You're just a wolf in cheap clothing.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': They're home, Doc. Start blowing.
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': I can't blow the brick house down. It says so in the book.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Book, schnook! Blow the house down.
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': I'm gonna huff, and I'll puff, and I'll b-b-b-blow your house down!
:'''Pig #1''': Hey, listen! it's that windy wolf.
:''[They all laugh]''
:'''Pig #2''': Ah, blow your brains out.
:'''Pig #3''': We know you can't blow down bricks.
:''[The wolf blows; after a moment, the house somehow explodes]''
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': I did it!
:'''The Three Little Pigs''': He did it?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[next to a detonator]'' Eh... ''we'' did it. ''[laughs]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / The Three Little Pigs / Big Bad Wolf
* [[w:Bea Benaderet|Bea Benaderet]] as Granny (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0042045}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Windblown Hare, The}}
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
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[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
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[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated films about wolves]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Maya &amp; Miguel</title>
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'''''{{w|Maya &amp; Miguel}}''''' is an American animated television series that aired on PBS Kids Go! from 2004 to 2007. The show chronicles the adventures of 10-year-old Latino twins, Maya and Miguel Santos, as they figure out how to leave their stamp on the world around them, and features their relatives and diverse neighborhood friends. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

==Episodes==
===The Autograph===
:'''Maya''': He's getting away!
:'''Miguel''': Maya, he's not a criminal.

===Tito's Mexican Vacation===
:'''Chrissy''': Maya, have you ever heard the expression &quot;less is more&quot;?
:'''Maya''': That is so weird. Miguel said the same thing to me just this morning.

===I've Got to Be Mi-Guel===
:'''Maya''': Aah! You guys are driving me nuts!
:'''Miguel''': Not cool.
:'''Tito''': Not cool.
:'''Paco''': Definitely not cool.
:'''Maya''': I created a monster.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Maya''': Miguel!
:'''Tito''': Not cool.
:'''Abuela''': Definitely not cool.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Miguel''': ''[takes the keys before Maya could]'' I'm the oldest!
:'''Maya''': Yeah, by three minutes.

===Tito's Pet===
:'''Maya''': ''[about the chupacabra]'' It flew in the window and tried to grab Paco! But he fought back! Right, Pacquito?
:'''Paco''': ''[squawk]'' Si! Uh...Paco fight back!
:'''Maya''': He even got a piece of its wing! ''[shows paper cut-out and squeals as audience gasps]'' Now don't panic. The creature is probably going to fly back to Puerto Rico. But if I were you, I'd go home right now! Just in case!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chrissy''': ''[about the chupacabra]'' Is it here in the store?
:'''Maya''': Uh, Maggie...uh, Chrissy, wait!
:'''Andy''': ''[enters]'' Where'd it park its spaceship?
:'''Maya''': Ooh. Spaceship?
:'''Andy''': Yeah! Didn't you know? Chupacabras come from another solar system?
:'''Tito''': Chupacabras?
:'''Andy''': Well, everyone's talking about it all over the neighborhood!
:'''Chrissy''': 5:00 at the community center, right?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tito''': But Freddy and Cesar are expecting a big monster with big wings and big eyes and big teeth!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Andy''': A real live chupacabra?! That means a real UFO may be in our neighborhood! I'm posting this in the chat book right now!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Maya''': ''[narrating]'' Getting scared can be fun, like when you're watching an old monster movie. But sometimes, even fun scares can turn out to be...well, a little too scary.

===I Love Maya===
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''Maya''': It's a funny thing about making a commitment. Even though sometimes you don't want to follow through. Once you do, you're glad you did.

===Teacher's Pet===
( ''alarm clock rings'' )

:'''

( ''caws, ticking and snoring'' )

==Cast==
* Maya Santos and Tito Chávez (voiced by {{w|Candi Milo}})
* Miguel Santos (voiced by {{w|Owen Mason}})
* Theo McEwen (voiced by {{w|Jerod Mixon}})
* Maggie Lee (voiced by {{w|Lucy Liu}})
* Chrissy Lum (voiced by {{w|Beth Payne}})
* Andy Arlington (voiced by {{w|Jeannie Elias}})
* Abuela Elena (voiced by {{w|Lupe Ontiveros}})
* Paco (voiced by {{w|Carlos Alazraqui}})
* Rosa Santos (voiced by {{w|Kim Roberts}})
* Santiago Santos (voiced by {{w|Carlos Ponce}})

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about twins]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Keir Starmer</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes about Starmer */  John Healey's resignation letter</comment>
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      <text bytes="61517" sha1="5d3nm7bv5kvvs14i5og6h4imx632dmf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer Official Portrait (cropped).jpg|thumb|Politics can be a force for good. We will show that.]]
'''[[w:Keir Starmer|Sir Keir Starmer]]''' [[w:Keir Starmer|KCB]] [[w:King's Counsel|KC]] (/ˈkɪər ˈstɑːrmər/; born 2 September 1962) is a British [[w:Labour Party (UK)|Labour Party]] politician who is [[w:Prime Minister of the United Kingdom|Prime Minister of the United Kingdom]] since the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 general election]]. A former [[w:barrister|barrister]], he was elected as [[w:leader of the Labour Party (UK)|Leader of the Labour Party]] in April 2020, becoming [[w:Leader of the Opposition (United Kingdom)|Leader of the Opposition]]. Previously, he was the [[w:Director of Public Prosecutions (England and Wales)|Director of Public Prosecutions]] (DPP) and the Head of the [[w:Crown Prosecution Service|Crown Prosecution Service]] (CPS). 

== Quotes ==

[[File:Official portrait of Keir Starmer.jpg|thumb|[T]he government aims high.]]

* [I ask] the question of the role the police should play, if any, in civil society. Who are they protecting and from what?
** Opinion piece on the {{w|Wapping dispute}} (1986), as quoted in Patrick Maguire, [https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2020/03/keir-starmer-sensible-radical &quot;Keir Starmer: The sensible radical&quot;], ''The New Statesman'' (31 March 2020)

=== 2016 ===

*The referendum is clear and has to be accepted and we can't have a re-run of the question that was put to the country earlier this year. But, and it's a big but, there has to be democratic grip of the process and, at the moment, what the prime minister's trying to do is to manoeuvre without any scrutiny in [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|Parliament]] and that's why the terms on, which we're going to negotiate absolutely have to be put to a vote in the House.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37600563 &quot;Brexit: MPs should vote on talks, says Labour's Starmer&quot;] ''BBC News'' (9 October 2016)

*We accept and respect the outcome of the referendum.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37860618 &quot;Reality Check: Could High Court ruling on Article 50 scupper Brexit?&quot;] ''BBC News'' (3 November 2016)

*What I think is really important is that the government aims high. My worry is that the [[Government of the United Kingdom|government]] has attached so much importance to [[immigration]] that it's not even going to try to get the best access to the single market.  In other words, it's going to give up before it starts. My sense is that the government is saying 'because we want to take such a hard line on immigration we are going to give up on parts of the argument that would be better for the economy'.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-37936401 &quot;Brexit talks should include free movement, says Keir Starmer&quot;] ''BBC News'' (10 November 2016)

=== 2017 ===
*I wish the result had gone the other way.  I campaigned passionately for that.  But as democrats our party has to accept that result and it follows that the prime minister should not be blocked from starting the Article 50 negotiations.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-38799686 &quot;Brexit decision 'difficult' for Labour, Keir Starmer says&quot;] ''BBC News'' (31 January 2017)

* What's clear, from the CBI and others, is that there is no result that would be worse for the British economy than leaving [the EU] with no deal
** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-39277845 &quot;Brexit: Donald Tusk warns UK against 'no deal threat'&quot;] ''BBC News'' (15 March 2017)

*The Labour Party has supported strong counter-terrorism legislation over the years and we have that commitment in our manifesto
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-40186744 &quot;Labour's Keir Starmer says IRA comments were 'regrettable'&quot;] ''BBC News'' (7 June 2017)

*We are absolutely clear we can not have a hard border we need to negotiate with our EU partners.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-40186744 &quot;Labour's Keir Starmer says IRA comments were 'regrettable'&quot;] ''BBC News'' (7 June 2017)

*Labour would seek a transitional deal that maintains the same basic terms that we currently enjoy with the EU. That means we would seek to remain in a customs union with the [[European Union|EU]] and within the single market during this period. It means we would abide by the common rules of both.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41064314 &quot;Brexit: Keep single market for transition period - Labour&quot;] ''BBC News'' (27 August 2017)

*Remaining in a form of customs union after a transition post-Brexit phase remained a possible end destination for the Labour party.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41378928 &quot;Labour conference: Starmer claims 'grown-up' Brexit stance&quot;] ''BBC News'' (25 September 2017)

*[I want a partnership with the EU that] retains the benefits of the single market and the customs union
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-42298971 &quot;Brexit: David Davis wants 'Canada plus plus plus' trade deal&quot;] ''BBC News'' (10 December 2017)

=== 2018 ===
*Obviously, there are lots of benefits from a customs union, none more so, in many respects, than in Northern Ireland.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-42853018 &quot;Sir Keir Starmer makes NI warning over Brexit deal&quot;] ''BBC News'' (29 January 2018)

*We all want to do bold new trade agreements but we would be better off doing that with the EU.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43186005 &quot;Labour wants permanent customs union treaty after Brexit - Starmer&quot;] ''BBC News'' (25 February 2018)

*Benefits of the single market and customs union... need to be hard-wired into the final agreement
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43513287 &quot;Labour frontbencher Owen Smith backs another EU referendum&quot;] ''BBC News'' (23 March 2018)

*There's a growing view, I think probably a majority view in Parliament now, that it's in our national interests and economic interests to stay in a customs union with the EU. We've got a huge manufacturing sector in the UK that needs to be protected, with many goods going over borders many, many times, and we need to protect that.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43821737 &quot;Brexit: Senior MPs to force customs union vote&quot;] ''BBC News'' (19 April 2018)

*It is right for Parliament to have the first say but if we need to break the impasse, our options must include campaigning for a public vote and nobody is ruling out Remain as an option.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-45631792 &quot;Labour conference: Members vote to keep referendum option open&quot;] ''BBC News'' (25 September 2018)

*I remain as convinced as ever that the consequences of no deal would be so severe that it cannot be allowed to happen.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-46168194 &quot;Brexit: New referendum still an option, says Emily Thornberry&quot;] ''BBC News'' (11 November 2018)

=== 2019 ===
*During the talks, almost literally as we were sitting in the room talking, cabinet members and wannabe Tory leaders were torpedoing the talks with remarks about not being willing to accept the customs union. In terms of the team that we were negotiating with, I'm not blaming them.  Circling around those that were in the room trying to negotiate were others who didn't want the negotiation to succeed because they had their eye on what was coming next.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-48319757 &quot;Brexit: Withdrawal Agreement Bill 'should include public vote'&quot;] ''BBC News'' (18 May 2019)

*When you say you will leave without a deal - do or die -  what sort of message does that send to the people of Northern Ireland?
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-49797636 &quot;Sir Keir Starmer: MPs 'casual' about no-deal Brexit for NI&quot;] ''BBC News'' (23 September 2019)

=== 2020 ===
[[File:Keir Starmer sidebar.jpg|thumb|[I]f you are anti-Semitic, you cannot and should not be in the Labour Party. No ifs, no buts.]]

* I don’t think there are big issues on which I’ve changed my mind. The big issue we were grappling with then was how the Labour Party, or the left generally, bound together the wider movement and its strands of equality – feminist politics, green politics, LGBT – which I thought was incredibly exciting, incredibly important. 
** Quoted in Patrick Maguire, [https://www.newstatesman.com/long-reads/2020/03/keir-starmer-sensible-radical &quot;Keir Starmer: The sensible radical&quot;], ''The New Statesman'' (31 March 2020) 

* [[w:Passover|Passover]] is also a fitting moment for me to acknowledge the pain and hurt that the Labour Party has caused Jewish people in recent years. [[Antisemitism|Anti-Semitism]] has been a stain on our party. I have seen first-hand the unacceptable and unimaginable levels of grief and distress it has caused many in the [[Jews|Jewish]] community and beyond. It is why my very first act on becoming leader over the weekend was to apologise for the hurt that has been caused. I want to apologise again and reiterate my pledge to tear out this poison by its roots.

* The principle of what I want to achieve is clear: if you are anti-Semitic, you cannot and should not be in the Labour Party. No ifs, no buts.
** [https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/comment/i-apologise-to-the-jewish-community-rebuilding-your-trust-starts-now-a4408901.html &quot;Keir Starmer: I apologise to the Jewish community — rebuilding your trust starts now&quot;] ''Evening Standard'' (7 April 2020)
** Extracts from a pre-recorded speech on 4 April 2020 when Starmer became leader of the Labour Party. See [[Antisemitism in the UK Labour Party]].

=== 2021 ===
[[File:Keir Starmer- Remembrance Sunday at the Cenotaph.jpg|thumb|I will change the things that need changing and that is the change that I will bring about.]]
*There are four [[Elections in the United Kingdom|elections]] on Thursday 6 May.
**[https://twitter.com/kglasss/status/1390230023290957829 Twitter] ''Kieran Glasssmith''

*I will change the things that need changing and that is the change that I will bring about.
**[https://twitter.com/AdamBienkov/status/1390685349341548547 Twitter] ''Adam Bienkov''

* I've got to do [[Neil Kinnock|Kinnock]] and [[Tony Blair|Blair]]'s job in one term.
** Conversation with [[w:Jason Cowley (journalist)|Jason Cowley]] (summer 2021), recounted in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-politics-prime-minister-labour-7dbz3cq0j &quot;The Keir Starmer I know: an outsider driven by self-belief, not politics&quot;], ''The Sunday Times'' (25 May 2024).
** The Labour leaders Neil Kinnock (1983–1992) and Tony Blair (from 1994) are most credited with ending one of the party's extended periods of being out of power (1979–1997).

=== 2022 ===
* What a pathetic spectacle: the dying act of his [Boris Johnson's] political career is to parrot that nonsense. As for those who are left, they are only in office because no one else is prepared to debase themselves any longer—the charge of the lightweight brigade. Have some self-respect! For a week, he has had them defending his decision to promote [[w:Chris Pincher|[Chris Pincher]]] a sexual predator. Every day, the lines he has forced them to take have been untrue: first, that he was unaware of any allegation—untrue; then, that he was unaware of any “specific” allegation—untrue; then, that he was unaware of any “serious, specific” allegation; and now he wants them to go out and say that he simply forgot that his Whip was a sexual predator. Anyone with anything about them would be long gone from his Front Bench. In the middle of a crisis, does the country not deserve better than a Z-list cast of nodding dogs?
**Starmer's questions to Prime Minister [[w:Boris Johnson|Boris Johnson]] regarding the [[w:Chris Pincher scandal|Chris Pincher scandal]], during one of his last Prime Ministers' Questions sessions, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVyUMjcnNvQ via UK Parlament's YouTube channel] (6 July 2022)

* So let me be very clear: with Labour, Britain will not go back into the EU. We will not be joining the single market. We will not be joining a customs union.
** Speech quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/jul/04/starmer-ends-labour-silence-on-brexit-as-he-rules-out-rejoining-single-market &quot;Starmer ends Labour silence on Brexit as he rules out rejoining single market&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (4 July 2022).

* [Asked if he was concerned about the police dealing with anti-monarchist protesters  during a period of national mourning six days after Queen [[Elizabeth II]] died.] The word I would use around that issue is respect. I think if people have spent a long time waiting to come forward to have that moment as the coffin goes past or whatever it may be, I think respect that, because people have made a huge effort to come and have that private moment to say thank you to Queen Elizabeth II.&lt;br&gt;Respect that. Obviously we have to respect the fact that some people disagree. One of the great British traditions is the ability to protest and to disagree.&lt;br&gt;But I think if it can be done in the spirit of respect. Respect the fact that hundreds of thousands of people do want to come forward and have that moment. Don’t ruin it for them.&lt;br&gt;But also we do need to respect the fact that other people must be entitled to express their different views.
** Comments on the ''BBC Breakfast'' programme, cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2022/09/14/dont-ruin-period-mourning-sir-keir-starmer-tells-anti-royalists/ &quot;Don't 'ruin' the period of mourning, Sir Keir Starmer tells anti-royalists&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (14 September 2022)

* Today I want to set out what's at stake for Britain, because while politics is always about choices, the choice now is as stark as it gets. We face a battle for the soul of our country, who we are, who we're for, and the Labour choices of Britian is that it's greener, fairer, and more dynamic.
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhaW-WfyiQU/As Government is in turmoil, Starmer calls for an Election] Speech (October 2022) 

* The lady's not for turning up.
**Starmer to [[Penny Mordaunt]] about [[Liz Truss]], as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/liz-truss-penny-mordaunt-starmer-b2204440.html &quot;Liz Truss accused of ‘hiding away’ after sending Penny Mordaunt to face MPs in her place&quot;], ''The Independent'' (17 October 2024)
** An allusion to a comments by [[Margaret Thatcher]] at the 1980 Conservative Party conference ending with &quot;You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning&quot;. [https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/liz-truss-tory-leadership-thatcher-outfit-b2124664.html Truss was accused] of copying the former prime minister's wardrobe.

* The only mandate she's ever had was from members opposite. It was a mandate built on fantasy economics, and it ended in disaster. The country's got nothing to show for it except the destruction of the economy and the implosion of the [[Conservative Party (UK)|Tory Party]]. I've got the list here: 45p tax cut, gone. Corporation tax cut, gone. 20p tax cut, gone. Two-year energy freeze, gone. Tax-free shopping, gone. Economic credibility, gone! And her supposed best friend [[w:Kwasi Kwarteng|the former chancellor]], he's gone as well. They're all gone! So why is she still here?
**Starmer's questions to Prime Minister Liz Truss regarding the [[w:September 2022 United Kingdom mini-budget|September 2022 &quot;mini budget&quot;]] during her last Prime Ministers' Questions session, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVHAnuYL070 via The Guardian's YouTube channel] (19 October 2022)

* The only time he ran in a competitive election, he got trounced by the former prime minister, who herself got beaten by lettuce!
**Starmer's questions to Prime Minister [[w:Rishi Sunak|Rishi Sunak]] regarding Sunak losing his first leadership bid to Liz Truss, during Sunak's first Prime Ministers' Questions session, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lOCgI_WOR8 via The Guardian's YouTube channel] (25 October 2022)

* So that means fair rules, firm rules, a points-based system. What I would like to see is the numbers go down in some areas. I think we're recruiting too many people from overseas into, for example, the health service. But on the other hand, if we need high-skilled people in innovation in tech to set up factories etc, then I would encourage that.
* [Opposing a future Scottish independence referendum regardless of the [[Supreme Court of the United Kingdom|Supreme Court]] in [[London]] potentially deciding to accept the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] has a legal right to hold one.] It's good the case has gone to court because I think it's better to have legal certainty, so we all know the basis on which we're operating [...] All the court is going to be able to rule is, if it does rule in favour, is that there could or can be, [that] it's legally permissible to have a referendum. That doesn't answer the political question, which is 'should there be a referendum'?
** Interviewed on ''The Sunday Show'' (BBC Scotland television programme, 6 November 2022), as cited in &quot;Keir Starmer says NHS jobs must be filled domestically as he fails to set out democratic route to independence&quot;], ''The Scotsman'' (7 November 2022).

* We took the decision to leave and we have left. So now what we need to do is rather than just sticking with the deal we've got which is not good enough, we need to make [[Brexit]] work.
** Interviewed on ''The Sunday Show'' (BBC Scotland television programme, 6 November 2022), as quoted in [https://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/23104770.keir-starmer-no-case-returning-eu/ &quot;Keir Starmer: There is no case for returning to the EU&quot;] ''The Herald'' (Glasgow, 6 November 2022).

===2023 ===
* [[Antisemitism]] is an evil. It is a very specific type of [[racism]], one that festers and spreads like an infection. Its conspiratorial nature attracts those who would have no truck with any other form of prejudice. Indeed, it can be those who call themselves &quot;[[Anti-racism|anti-racist]]&quot; who are most blind to it. The reason the [[w:Equality and Human Rights Commission|Equality and Human Rights Commission]] (EHRC) opened their investigation into the Labour Party was because it had become an incubator for this poison. We needed to change. That's why my first act as leader was to commit to tearing antisemitism out by the roots, without fear or favour.
* The Labour Party I lead today is unrecognisable from 2019. There are those who don't like that change, who still refuse to see the reality of what had gone on under the previous leadership. To them I say in all candour: we are never going back. If you don’t like it, nobody is forcing you to stay.
* The Labour Party I lead is patriotic. It is a party of public service, not protest. It is a party of equality, justice and fairness; one that proudly puts the needs of working people above any fringe interest. It is a party that doesn't just talk about change – it delivers it.
** [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-my-labour-is-patriotic-a-party-of-equality-not-protest-xgsrflzl8 &quot;Keir Starmer: My Labour is patriotic, a party of equality not protest&quot;] ''The Times'' (14 February 2023)

* The lettuces are out, but the turnips are in.
** To Sunak at PMQs (March 2023)

* They blew up for me an incredibly detailed photograph of a lung with very dark marks on it which were all the air pollution from our roads which were causing cancer in that and many other patients.&lt;br /&gt;It's worth us all just asking ourselves...if we are not prepared to do these sort of schemes what are we going to do.&lt;br /&gt;If increasing numbers of people, and young people as well, are getting cancer...I have to say..intake of breath when I saw the phot[o]graph, they said there are the dark areas that are lung cancer because of it (air pollution). We can’t just sit that out.
** On a visit to the [[w:Francis Crick Institute|Crick Institute]] in an interview on [[w:LBC|LBC]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/keir-starmer-greater-london-ulez-expansion-sadiq-khan-lung-cancer-b1081142.html &quot;Keir Starmer: Ulez expansion needed to curb lung cancer&quot;], ''Evening Standard'' (15 May 2023).

* [On the [[w:Just Stop Oil|Just Stop Oil]] protests] I can't wait for them to stop their antics, frankly. They're interrupting iconic sporting events that are part of our history, tradition and massively looked forward to across the nation. I absolutely condemn the way they go about their tactics. And I have to say it's riddled with an arrogance that only they have the sort of right to force their argument on other people in this way.
** On [[w:Times Radio|Times Radio]] (6 July 2023), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/keir-starmer-speech-protesters-climate-change-8q5l0dq0z &quot;Keir Starmer promises compulsory arts or sport until 16&quot;] ''The Times'' (6 July 2023)

* In fact, I hate tree huggers.
** Reported (but officially denied) comments to the Shadow Cabinet after a presentation from [[Ed Miliband]] (Shadow Secretary of State for Climate Change and Net Zero), as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/labour-green-climate-change-starmer-miliband-b2372012.html &quot;'I hate tree huggers': How Starmer apparently exploded over Labour’s green policy&quot;] ''The Independent'' (10 July 2023)
** The claim originally appeared in a [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-hate-tree-huggers-keir-starmer-explodes-over-green-policy-6hhnj9r9x ''Sunday Times''] article on 9 July 2023.

* As for [[w:2023 Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election|Uxbridge [and South Ruislip]]], we always knew that was going to be tough [...] [[w:Uxbridge (UK Parliament constituency)|We didn't win Uxbridge in 1997]], and obviously we knew that [[w:Ultra Low Emission Zone|ULEZ]] [(Ultra Low Emission Zone)] was an issue. That's why we lost in Uxbridge.&lt;br /&gt;We all need to reflect on that, including [[Sadiq Khan|the mayor]] [of London], but there's no taking away from the historic event that has happened here in [[w:2023 Selby and Ainsty by-election|Selby [and Ainsty]]].
** [https://news.sky.com/story/labours-uxbridge-defeat-sparks-blame-game-weve-got-a-lot-to-think-about-12924770 &quot;Labour's Uxbridge defeat sparks blame game: 'We've got a lot to think about'&quot;], ''Sky News'' (21 July 2023)
** On 20 July 2023, three by-elections were held. Labour was narrowly defeated in [[w:Uxbridge and South Ruislip (UK Parliament constituency)|Uxbridge and South Ruislip]] (the former constituency of Conservative [[Boris Johnson]]) by 495 votes, but gained [[w:Selby and Ainsty (UK Parliament constituency)|Selby and Ainsty]] from the Conservatives with a voting swing of 23.7%.

* Every time there's been the threat of a rebellion he's backed down. The one thing you get if you win the leadership of your party is the right to say 'I've won the leadership and I'm going to do this, and we're going to do it and this is what I'm saying we're going to do with the party, and we're going to do it’. He doesn't have the ability to do that because he hasn't got a mandate.
** Speaking on the ''Political Party'' podcast with [[w:Matt Forde|Matt Forde]], as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b2ee22ea-b21e-11ed-be6b-8488e113f360?shareToken=0187ff745115e9aae9a5de1e8c2a5442 &quot;Sir Keir Starmer: I loathed unprincipled, lying Boris Johnson&quot;] ''The Times'' (21 February 2023).

=== 2024 ===

* Further information came to light yesterday calling for decisive action, so I took decisive action. It is a huge thing to withdraw support for a Labour candidate during [[w:2024 Rochdale by-election|the course of a by-election]]. It's a tough decision, a necessary decision, but when I say the Labour Party has changed under my leadership I mean it.
** Comments in [[w:Wellingborough (UK Parliament constituency)|Wellingborough]], Northamptonshire (13 February 2024), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/azhar-ali-latest-rochdale-labour-comments-keir-starmer-antisemitism-zqgn26cfd &quot;Graham Jones: Labour suspends second candidate over Israel comments&quot;], ''The Times'' (13 February 2024)
** Azhar Ali, a candidate in the [[w:2024 Rochdale by-election|2024 Rochdale by-election]] in Greater Manchester had been suspended by the Labour Party after changes to candidates listed on ballot papers could no longer be legally changed. Also suspended from the party was [[w:Graham Jones (politician)|Graham Jones]], a former Labour Party MP for [[w:Hyndburn (UK Parliament constituency)|Hyndburn]] (and selected as a candidate for the eventual [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|July 2024 general election]] in his former seat), in the neighbouring county of Lancashire. [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2024/feb/13/grassroots-labour-meeting-party-turmoil-suspended-candidates-azhar-ali-graham-jones Both had made antisemitic comments]. The [[w:2024 Wellingborough by-election|2024 Wellingborough by-election]] was held two days later. It was being disputed in the media that Starmer had taken &quot;decisive action&quot; against Azhar Ali as it had taken nearly two days before he was suspended after the first reports of his initial comments.

&lt;blockquote&gt;Tonight the Prime Minister has finally announced the next General Election. A moment the country needs – and has been waiting for. And where, by the force of our democracy power returns to you. A chance to change for the better. Your future. Your community. Your country. It will feel like a long campaign – I’m sure of that. But no matter what else is said and done. That opportunity for change is what this election is about. Over the course of the last four years – we have changed the Labour Party. Returned it once more to the service of working people. All we ask now – humbly – is to do exactly the same for our country. And return Britain to the service of working people. To that purpose. We offer three reasons why you should change Britain with Labour.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;One – because we will stop the chaos. Look around our country. The sewage in our rivers. People waiting on trolleys in A&amp;E. Crime virtually unpunished. Mortgages and food prices – through the roof. It’s all – every bit of it – a direct result of the Tory chaos in Westminster. Time and again, they pursue their own interests. Rather than tackling the issues that affect your family. And if they get another five years, they will feel entitled to carry on exactly as they are. Nothing will change. A vote for Labour is a vote for stability – economic and political. A politics that treads more lightly on all our lives. A vote to stop the chaos.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Two – because it’s time for change. Our offer is to reset both our economy and our politics. So that they once again serve the interests of working people. We totally reject the Tory view that economic strength is somehow gifted from those at the top. Over the past fourteen years – through all the crises we have had to face – sticking with this idea has left our country exposed, insecure and unable to unlock the potential of every community. But a vote for Labour is a vote to turn the page on all that. A vote for change.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;And finally, three – because we have a long-term plan to rebuild Britain. A plan that is ready to go. Fully-costed and fully funded. We can deliver economic stability. Cut the NHS waiting times. Secure our borders with a New Border Security Command. Harness Great British Energy to cut your bills for good. Tackle anti-social behaviour. And get the teachers we need in your children’s classroom.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;But most of importantly of all, we do all this with a new spirit of service. Country first, party second. A rejection of the gesture politics you will see in this campaign, I have no doubt from the Tories and from the SNP. I am well aware of the cynicism people hold towards politicians at the moment. But I came into politics late, having served our country as leader of the Crown Prosecution Service. And I helped the Police Service in Northern Ireland to gain the consent of all communities. Service of our country is the reason – and the only reason – why I am standing here now – asking for your vote. And I believe with patience, determination and that commitment to service there is so much pride and potential we can unlock across our country.  So – here it is – the future of the country – in your hands. On 4th July you have the choice. And together, we can stop the chaos. We can turn the page. We can start to rebuild Britain. And change our country. Thank you.&lt;br&gt;
* Responding to the [[w:2024 United Kingdom general election|2024 election]] being called. [https://labour.org.uk/updates/press-releases/keir-starmer-delivering-a-speech-on-the-announcement-of-the-uk-general-election/ &quot;Keir Starmer delivering a speech on the announcement of the UK General Election&quot;], ''Labour.org'' (22 May 2024) &lt;/blockquote&gt;

&lt;blockquote&gt;Now, this week is the 80th anniversary of [[w:Normandy landings|D-Day]], so I want to start by remembering the bravery of those soldiers who sailed from the South of England to the beaches of France. The individual courage and the collective strength of our troops whose sacrifice that day turned the tide of the Second World War, brought liberation to Europe, and secured our freedom. This week and every week – we will remember them. And we will honour them. Some gave their lives so we could live freely. Others returned home to build a new Britain. We salute those who remain with us today and keep the memory of their fallen comrades alive. And we recognise with one voice, as a nation, that our debt can never be paid in full.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;But of course – we can honour their sacrifice with our decisions today. And we must. Because sadly, the world we live in today is perhaps more dangerous and volatile than at any time since then, and frankly, for my generation, that’s a shock. I mean, I remember vividly the day the [[w:Fall of the Berlin Wall|Berlin Wall came down]] in 1989. I remember how I felt. A sense of freedom, of possibility, of peace. European countries once again free to choose their own futures, new allegiances being made, friendships forged out of the scars of war. And above all, a sense – as the wall came down – nothing like that could happen again. An end of an era.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;I didn't think that in my lifetime I would see Russian tanks entering a European country again. The rumble of war rolling across our continent, soldiers kissing their children goodbye, desperate families fleeing across European borders in search of safety. But in that moment, as we saw those pictures from Kyiv, I understood. The post-war era is over and a new age of insecurity has begun. An era where the burden of history – for people and nations will once again, be heavier on our backs. National security is the most important issue of our times. Something which, of course, is always true, and which for us, if we are privileged to serve our country, will become our solemn responsibility.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;That’s not something I say lightly: the security and defence of our nation is personal to my family. Like so many families, I have relatives who served in the second world war. My mum's brother, my uncle Roger, served in the [[w:Falklands War|Falklands]] on [[w:HMS Antelope (F170)|HMS Antelope]]. And I remember the terrible wait when his ship was bombed. My mum’s fear as she sat by the radio every day, listening for news, and then the relief, a long week later, when we found out he had survived. So I know the courage, the service, and the sacrifice that allows us to sleep soundly at night from our forces and their families. I know it. I respect it. And I will serve it – with every decision. It is part of my story, and the reason why I said – from day one of my leadership – that the Labour Party had to change. Change for a purpose. To respect your service, face the future in this dangerous world, and above all – to keep Britain safe. That is why, with my changed Labour Party, national security will always come first. That’s a message I took to Kyiv last year when I visited [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|President Zelensky]]. A pledge of unwavering British support in the face of Russian tyranny. But we have to be resolute, not just in our support for Ukraine but also – in this era, at home. We must face down malign actors who try to attack and weaken our nation, and not just through traditional warfare over air, land and sea, but with hybrid threats – to our energy supply, cyber security, information warfare.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; Now – I would prefer if politics were kept out of this issue – even at this election. Throughout the whole of this Parliament. I have deliberately not been partisan over issues of national security. Yet just before this election, the Tories questioned this Labour Party's commitment to national security. And I will not let that stand. The people of Britain need to know that their leaders will keep them safe – and we will. Furthermore, the truth is that after 14 years of the Tories, we are less safe and less secure. You don't have to take my word for it. The Tory's own former defence secretary says the government has failed to take defence seriously. We have the smallest army since the time of Napoleon, at a time when other countries are firmly on a war footing. So – even as we work tirelessly for peace, we have to be fit to fight. So let me be unequivocal. This Labour Party is totally committed to the security of our nation. To our armed forces. And, importantly, to our nuclear deterrent.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; Just a few weeks ago I visited BAE Systems in Barrow-in-Furness. I was the first Labour leader to visit in 30 years. I saw the nuclear submarines being made. I saw an industry that supports the local community and I met workers who are proud to be doing their bit for our national security. They deserve our full support, and they will get it. The nuclear deterrent is the foundation of any plan to keep Britain safe – it is essential. That's why Labour has announced a new triple-lock commitment to our nuclear deterrent. We'll maintain Britain’s Continuous at Sea deterrent 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Deliver all the needed future upgrades and we will build four new nuclear submarines like the ones I saw in Barrow. That won't just keep us safe, it will also support good jobs and growth across the UK. One of my first visits after I became leader of the Labour Party was to Plymouth, the frontline of defence in this country. Devonport alone employs 2,500 service people and civilians, it supports 400 local businesses, and it generates around 10% of Plymouth’s income. And when I was there, I met the shipbuilding apprentices – talented, ambitious young people. And I looked them in the eye and promised that I would fight for the future of Plymouth’s defence industry. And I will. Because it's only by harnessing and supporting the strength of proud communities like Plymouth, Barrow, Aldershot, and so many more, that means we can safeguard our security and our growth for the decades to come. I mean look at Ukraine now. Industrial capacity is an absolutely critical part of security. So with Labour, Britain will be fit to fight.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; Within the first year of a Labour government, we will carry out a new strategic defence review. And we're absolutely committed to spending 2.5% of GDP on defence as soon as possible, because we know our security isn't just vital for our safety today, it's absolutely central to our success for the future. National security and economic security must go hand in hand. And we also know that playing our part on the world stage makes us stronger and better off at home.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; So make no mistake: I am absolutely committed to rebuilding relationships with our allies. I went to the Munich Security Conference back in February, I met with world leaders from the US, Europe and the Middle East and I met the Secretary General of NATO. And I pledged to each of them that with a Labour government, the UK would be a point of stability in a chaotic world, that we would always meet our international obligations, take our responsibilities seriously and be a leader on the world stage once more. Because when I spoke about D-Day at the beginning I wasn't just talking about respect for our past, I was thinking about our future as well. Because that is the best example of what cooperation can achieve in the face of fascism and aggression. Our joint endeavour, our shared values, our common respect for freedom, democracy, liberty, that's what we were fighting for and that fight never stops. There is a narrative you see sometimes that our values are a point of weakness. That’s what [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] thinks. But he's wrong. Ukraine has shown that, and we must be prepared to stand up as well, because those values are our cause and our strength.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; Let me be clear. This is not a party-political issue, this is a national issue. It affects every single individual, every community, and Labour will always put our country first. We will serve working people across our nation, and respect our armed forces as they continue to protect our country. But on July 4th there is a choice. And you can choose to rebuild a country that is proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with European allies, that leads the way in standing up for our values and our freedom, all around the world, and that will never shy away from doing our duty at home and abroad. A stronger, safer, more secure Britain with Labour. That is the choice. It’s time to stop the chaos, time to turn the page and rebuild our country, together. Thank you very much.&lt;br&gt;
* From the manifesto launch, as cited in [https://labour.org.uk/updates/press-releases/keir-starmer-a-stronger-safer-more-secure-britain-speech/ &quot;Keir Starmer – A stronger, safer, more secure Britain speech&quot;], Labour Party press release (3 June 2024)&lt;/blockquote&gt;

* This is a serious plan, carefully thought through. It is not about rabbits out of the hat, it's not about pantomime, we've had enough of that. I'm running as a candidate to be prime minister, not a candidate to run the circus.
* If you want politics as pantomime, I hear Clacton is nice this time of year.
** Speaking to journalists at the manifesto launch, as cited in Jennifer Scott, [https://news.sky.com/story/labour-launches-manifesto-as-sir-keir-starmer-pledges-to-end-desperate-era-of-gimmicks-and-rebuild-britain-13152379 &quot;Labour launches manifesto as Sir Keir Starmer pledges to end political 'pantomime' and 'rebuild Britain'&quot;], ''Sky News'' (3 June 2024).
** [[Nigel Farage]], the [[w:Reform UK|Reform UK]] candidate in [[w:Clacton (UK Parliament constituency)|Clacton]], was gaining significant media attention.

* We did it.&lt;br /&gt;You campaigned for it, you fought for it, you voted for it and now it has arrived. Change begins now.&lt;br /&gt;And it feels good, I have to be honest.&lt;br /&gt;Four-and-a-half years of work changing the party. This is what it is for – a changed Labour Party ready to serve our country, ready to restore Britain to the service of working people.&lt;br /&gt;And across our country, people will be waking up to the news – relieved that a weight has been lifted, a burden finally removed from the shoulders of this great nation.&lt;br /&gt;And now we can look forward again, walk into the morning, the sunlight of hope, pale at first, but getting stronger through the day, shining once again on a country with the opportunity after 14 years to get its future back.&lt;br /&gt;And I want to thank each and every one of you here for campaigning so hard for change, and not just in this campaign either – also for these four-and-a-half years changing our party.&lt;br /&gt;The Labour movement is always – everything’s achieved past and future – down to the efforts of its people.&lt;br /&gt;So thank you truly – you have changed our country.&lt;br /&gt;But a mandate like this comes with great responsibility.&lt;br /&gt;Our task is nothing less than renewing ideas that hold this country together – national renewal.&lt;br /&gt;Whoever you are, wherever you started in life, if you work hard, if you play by the rules, this country should give you a fair chance to get on.&lt;br /&gt;It should always respect your contribution and we have to restore that.&lt;br /&gt;And alongside that, we have to return politics to public service, show that politics can be a force for good.&lt;br /&gt;Make no mistake, that is the great test of politics in this era – the fight for trust is the battle that defines our age.&lt;br /&gt;It is why we campaigned so hard on demonstrating we are fit for public service.&lt;br /&gt;Service is the pre-condition for hope, respect the bond that can unite a country.&lt;br /&gt;Together, the values of this changed Labour Party are the guiding principle for a new government – country first, party second.&lt;br /&gt;That is the responsibility of this mandate.&lt;br /&gt;You know, 14 years ago, we were told that we're all in it together.&lt;br /&gt;I say to the British people today, imagine what we can do if that were actually true.&lt;br /&gt;So by all means, enjoy this moment. Nobody can say you haven’t waited patiently.&lt;br /&gt;Enjoy the feeling of waking up on a morning like this with the emotion that you do see the country through the same eyes.&lt;br /&gt;Hold onto it, because it is what unity is made from, but use it to show to the rest of the country, as we must, that this party has changed, that we will serve them faithfully, govern for every single person in this country.&lt;br /&gt;But also don’t forget how we got here.&lt;br /&gt;This morning, we can see that the British people have voted to turn the page on 14 years but don’t pretend that there was anything inevitable about that – there’s nothing pre-ordained in politics.&lt;br /&gt;Election victories don’t fall from the sky.&lt;br /&gt;They’re hard won and hard fought for, and this one could only be won by a changed Labour Party.&lt;br /&gt;We have the chance to repair our public services because we’ve changed the party.&lt;br /&gt;We have the chance to make work pay because we’ve changed the party.&lt;br /&gt;We have the chance to deliver for working people, young people, vulnerable people, the poorest in our society because we’ve changed the party.&lt;br /&gt;'Country first, party second' isn’t a slogan – it's the guiding principle (of) everything we have done and must keep on doing – on the economy, on national security, on protecting our borders.&lt;br /&gt;The British people have to look us in the eye and see that we can serve their interest and that work doesn’t stop now – it never stops.&lt;br /&gt;The changes we've made are permanent, irreversible and we must keep going.&lt;br /&gt;We ran as a changed Labour Party and we will govern as a changed Labour Party.&lt;br /&gt;I don't promise you it will be easy. Changing a country's not like flicking a switch, it's hard work, patient work, determined work, and we will have to get moving immediately.&lt;br /&gt;But even when the going gets tough, and it will, remember, tonight and always, what this is all about.&lt;br /&gt;Now I may have mentioned my parents a few times in this campaign – once or twice – but the sense of security we had, the comfort they took from believing that Britain would always be better for their children, the hope, not high-minded, not idealistic, but a hope that working-class families like mine could build their lives around.&lt;br /&gt;It is hope that may not burn brightly in Britain at the moment, but we have earned the mandate to relight the fire. That is the purpose of this party and of this Government.&lt;br /&gt;We said we would end the chaos and we will. We said we would turn the page and we have. Today we start the next chapter, begin the work of change, the mission of national renewal and start to rebuild our country.&lt;br /&gt;Thank you.
** Speech after winning a landslide victory (5 July 2024)

* I call again for...the return of the sausages.
** Speech at the Labour Party Conference in Liverpool (22 September 2024) &lt;!-- Quoted in Peter Hitchens, &quot;The Disguise of Dullness&quot;, ''The American Conservative'' (22 October 2024) --&gt;
** He quickly corrected his malapropism ('hostages' not 'sausages')

* I am clear that [[Israel]] has the right to defend itself against [[Iranian]] aggression. I'm equally clear that we need to avoid further regional escalation and urge all sides to show restraint. Iran should not respond
** [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/british-pm-starmer-says-iran-should-not-respond-israeli-strikes-2024-10-26/ British PM Starmer says Iran should not respond to Israeli strikes] (25 October, updated 26 October, 2024)

==== First speech as Prime Minister (5 July 2024) ====
[[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer arrives at 10 Downing Street (53836633106).jpg|thumb|Our country has voted decisively for change, for national renewal and a return of politics to public service … we can make a start today with the simple acknowledgement that public service is a privilege and that your government should treat every single person in this country with respect.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://labourlist.org/2024/07/labour-general-election-results-starmer-full-speech-downing-street/ LabourList transcription (5 July 2024)] · [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/crgewjwqqq4o BBC transcription] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0y2wuKnF2M YouTube video]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer arrives at 10 Downing Street (53836682401).jpg|thumb|I invite you all to join this government of service in the mission of national renewal. Our work is urgent, and we begin it today.]]
* I have just returned from [[w:Buckingham Palace|Buckingham Palace]], where I accepted an invitation from [[Charles III|His Majesty the King]] to form the next government of this great nation.&lt;br /&gt;I want to thank the outgoing Prime Minister, [[Rishi Sunak]]. His achievement as the first British Asian Prime Minister of our country — the extra effort that that will have required — should not be underestimated by anyone.&lt;br /&gt;We pay tribute to that today, and we also recognise the dedication and hard work he brought to his leadership. But now our country has voted decisively for change, for national renewal and a return of politics to public service.

* When the gap between the sacrifices made by people and the service they receive from politicians grows this big, it leads to a weariness in the heart of a nation, a draining away of the hope, the spirit, the belief in a better future — that we need to move forward together. Now this wound, this lack of trust, can only be healed by actions, not words.&lt;br /&gt;I know that, but we can make a start today with the simple acknowledgement that public service is a privilege and that your government should treat every single person in this country with respect. If you voted Labour yesterday, we will carry the responsibility of your trust as we rebuild our country.&lt;br /&gt;But whether you voted Labour or not — in fact, especially if you did not — I say to you directly, my government will serve you. Politics can be a force for good. We will show that. We’ve changed the Labour Party, returned it to service — and that is how we will govern, country first party second.

* Yet, if I am honest, service is merely a precondition of hope, and it is surely clear to everyone that our country needs a bigger reset, a rediscovery of who we are. Because no matter how fierce the storms of history, one of the great strengths of this nation has always been our ability to navigate away to calmer waters.&lt;br /&gt;And yet this depends upon politicians, particularly those who stand for stability and moderation — as I do — recognising when we must change course. For too long now, we turned a blind eye as millions slid into greater insecurity.&lt;br /&gt;Nurses, builders, drivers, carers, people doing the right thing, working harder every day, recognised at moments like this before, yet, as soon as the cameras stop rolling, their lives are ignored. I want to say very clearly to those people — not this time.

* Changing a country is not like flicking a switch. The world is now a more volatile place. This will take a while.&lt;br /&gt;But have no doubt that the work of change begins immediately. Have no doubt that we will rebuild Britain with wealth created in every community. 

* Brick by brick, we will rebuild the infrastructure of opportunity, the world class schools and colleges, the affordable homes that I know are the ingredients of hope for working people, the security that working class families like mine can build their lives around.&lt;br /&gt;Because if I asked you now whether you believe that Britain will be better for your children, I know too many of you would say no, and so my government will fight every day until you believe again.&lt;br /&gt;From now on, you have a government unburdened by doctrine guided only by the determination to serve your interest, to defy, quietly, those who have written our country off.

* You have given us a clear mandate, and we will use it to deliver change. To restore service and respect to politics, end the era of noisy performance, tread more lightly on your lives and unite our country.&lt;br /&gt;Four nations standing together again, facing down as we have so often in our past, the challenges of an insecure world committed to a calm and patient rebuilding. So with respect and humility, I invite you all to join this government of service in the mission of national renewal. Our work is urgent, and we begin it today.

===2025===
[[File:Donald Trump leaving Airforce One with United Kingdom Prime Minister Keir Starmer on 28 July 2025 in Scotland.jpg|thumb|Starmer with [[Donald Trump]]]]
* He’s a true one-off, a pioneer in business, in politics. Many people love him. Others love to hate him. But to us, he's just... Peter.
** On Peter Mandelson in February 2025.

* I actually welcome the judgment because I think it gives real clarity. It allows those that have got to draw up guidance to be really clear about what that guidance should say.&lt;br/&gt;So I think it's important that we see the judgment for what it is. It's a welcome step forward.&lt;br /&gt;It's real clarity in an area where we did need clarity, I'm pleased it's come about.&lt;br /&gt;We need to move and make sure that we now ensure that all guidance is in the right place according to that judgment.
** Speaking to a reporter, as cited in [https://www.itv.com/news/2025-04-22/keir-starmer-welcomes-clarity-on-supreme-court-gender-ruling &quot;Prime Minister Keir Starmer welcomes 'clarity' on Supreme Court gender ruling&quot;], ''ITV News'' (22 April 2025).
** Referring to the ''[[w:For Women Scotland Ltd v The Scottish Ministers|For Women Scotland Ltd v The Scottish Ministers]]'' decision at the UK's [[w:Supreme Court of the United Kingdom|Supreme Court]] on 16 April 2025.
* Let me start by saying that the victims of Epstein are at the forefront of our minds. He was a despicable criminal who committed the most heinous crimes and destroyed the lives of so many women and girls. The ambassador has repeatedly expressed his deep regret for his association with Epstein, and he is right to do so. I have confidence in him, and he is playing an important role in the UK–US relationship.
** Statement on Mandelson at Prime Minister's Questions on 10 September 2025.

===2026–present===
* Let me start where I must: with the victims of Epstein. All our thoughts are with them. Our thoughts are also with all those who lost jobs, savings and livelihoods in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crash. To learn that there was a Cabinet Minister leaking sensitive information at the height of the response to the 2008 crash is beyond infuriating, and I am as angry as the public and any Member of this House. Mandelson betrayed our country, our Parliament and my party. He lied repeatedly to my team when asked about his relationship with Epstein, before and during his tenure as ambassador. I regret appointing him. If I knew then what I know now, he would never have been anywhere near Government. That is why yesterday the Cabinet Secretary, with my support, took the decision to refer material to the police, and there is now a criminal investigation. I have instructed my team to draft legislation to strip Mandelson of his title, and wider legislation to remove disgraced peers. This morning I have agreed with His Majesty the King that Mandelson should be removed from the list of Privy Counsellors on the grounds that he has brought the reputation of the Privy Council into disrepute.
** Statement on Mandelson at Prime Minister's Questions on 2 February 2026.

* I am sorry. Sorry for what was done to you, sorry that so many people with power failed you, sorry for having believed Mandelson’s lies and appointing him.
** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/czx3lq460n6t] Apologising to Epstein's victims amid the Peter Mandelson scandal in February 2026.

* We don't support trying to deliver regime change from the air
** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62gwkjg0k9o Trump says Starmer is 'no Winston Churchill' over Iran strikes], ''BBC'' (3 March 2026)

* It is not our war, a lot of pressure has been applied to me to take a different course and that pressure included what happened last night. I'm not going to change my mind, I'm not going to yield, it is not in our national interest to join this war and we will not do so. I know where I stand.
** Starmer resists pressure from [[Donald Trump]] to join [[2026 Iran war]], quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdxdd7ddzgdo &quot;Starmer says he's 'not going to yield' to pressure from Trump on Iran war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (15 April 2026)

* We need to also assert who we are as a country, because [[Elon Musk|Musk]], again, has been interfering in our politics in the last few days, trying to whip up division – that is not who we are in [[Britain]].
** Quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1e2ww900zno &quot;Starmer accuses Musk of trying to whip up division over Henry Nowak murder&quot;] ''BBC News'' (4 June 2026)

==Quotes about Starmer==

* [[w:List of nicknames of prime ministers of the United Kingdom#Keir Starmer|Two-tier Keir]]
** A nickname given to Starmer in response to claims of two-tier policing, later popularised by X (Twitter) owner Elon Musk. Jessica Elgot and Rowena Mason, [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/article/2024/aug/06/elon-musk-calls-pm-two-tier-keir-over-police-response-to-uk-riots &quot;Elon Musk calls PM ‘two-tier Keir’ over police response to UK riots&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (7 August 2024)

*As Labour MPs wargame how to depose Sir Keir Starmer, some have a strategy from the [[Margaret Thatcher]] years in mind.&lt;br&gt;In 1990, the former Conservative Prime Minister was told her time was up by a delegation of “men in grey suits” from her party. Now, Labour MPs are discussing sending a deputation of women to tell Starmer to resign.
**[[w:Kitty Donaldson|Kitty Donaldson]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/labour-women-grey-suits-sent-tell-starmer-resign-4216005 &quot;Labour 'women in grey suits' could be sent to tell Starmer to resign&quot;], ''iNews'' (5 February 2026)

*[H]e got into Leeds University where he was told by academics that if only the world was ruled by human rights, it would be just and peaceful and there'd be no war. So he really believes in all that. That was his formation. And then he becomes prime minister and has this terrible awareness that the world is not ruled by words and paper. There’s things like armies and war in Europe and [[Donald Trump]] got elected. This is all pretty shocking [to him].
**[[Maurice Glasman, Baron Glasman|Maurice Glasman]], quoted in Harry Lambert, '[https://harrytlambert.substack.com/p/ep-2-maurice-glasman EP #2: Maurice Glasman]', ''Substack'' (20 November 2025)

* You know what defence needs. You made the argument for this powerfully in your speech at the Munich Security Conference back in February. Without a DIP that meets the moment in this way, I am being forced to make decisions that would reduce the readiness of our Forces and increase the risk to personnel on operations, and could make the country less safe.{{br}}After explaining to you that I would not be able to accept a DIP settlement that does not give our Forces the resources they need, I am now left with no other option than to submit my resignation as your Defence Secretary.
** {{w|John Healey|John Healey's}} resignation letter, quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgjx64yl7z9o &quot;Defence Secretary John Healey's resignation letter in full&quot;], ''BBC News'' (11 June 2026)

* Has Britain elected a bumbling nobody to the highest office in the land? Or does his dullness conceal a driving purpose? 
* The worst mistake of political conservatives in the western world has been to refuse to understand and examine the length, breadth, depth, and height of the post-1968 left in Europe and North America. If you do not know what you are fighting, you will never find out why you are fighting, or how you should fight it. By becoming dull, and by speaking in code, the revolution has overwhelmed those who would have fought it with all their might if it had appeared in the guise of the Bolsheviks or the Jacobins.
** Peter Hitchens, [https://www.theamericanconservative.com/the-disguise-of-dullness/ &quot;The Disguise of Dullness&quot;], ''The American Conservative'' (22 October 2024)

* If you want a culture wars warrior, Starmer is not your man. If you want a radical socialist who seeks to overturn capitalism, Starmer is not your man. If you want an entertainer, a comedian, a tweeter, Starmer is not your man. If you want to rerun previous leaders, [[Harold Wilson|Wilson]] or [[Tony Blair|Blair]], or someone who runs an agile team firing on all cylinders, sorry, Starmer is not your man. But if you want a leader who might start to heal the sinews of an enfeebled state and anaemic economy, and who will work in the interests of the relatively powerless, then he may very well be who we need.
** [[Andrew Marr]], [https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/labour/2024/02/keir-starmers-thirst-for-power &quot;Keir Starmer's thirst for power&quot;], ''The New Statesman'' (21 February 2024)

* On 5 July, either Keir Starmer or I will be Prime Minister. He has shown time and time again that he will take the easy way out and do anything to get power. If he was happy to abandon all the promises he made to become Labour leader once he got the job, how can you know that he won't do exactly the same thing if he were to become Prime Minister? If you don't have the conviction to stick to anything you say, if you don't have the courage to tell people what you want to do, and if you don't have a plan, how can you possibly be trusted to lead our country, especially at this most uncertain of times?
** [[Rishi Sunak]] (22 May 2024) announcing the 2024 United Kingdom general election [https://news.sky.com/story/rishi-sunaks-full-speech-announcing-general-election-on-4-july-13141431 &quot;Rishi Sunak's full speech announcing general election on 4 July&quot;]

* Whilst he has been my political opponent, Sir Keir Starmer will shortly become our Prime Minister. In this job, his successes will be all our successes, and I wish him and his family well. Whatever our disagreements in this campaign, he is a decent, public-spirited man, who I respect. He and his family deserve the very best of our understanding, as they make the huge transition to their new lives behind this door, and as he grapples with this most demanding of jobs in an increasingly unstable world.
** Rishi Sunak (5 July 2024); from a speech in Downing Street shortly before tendering his resignation to [[Charles III]]. As cited in [https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/i-will-resign-as-conservative-leader/ &quot;Full text: I will resign as Conservative leader&quot;], ''The Spectator'' (5 July 2024).

* You have many great strengths that I admire. You led our party to a {{w|2024 United Kingdom general election|victory}} few thought possible in 2024 and I was proud to fight alongside you in the trenches of that campaign. You have shown courage and statesmanship on the world stage - not least in keeping Britain out of the war in Iran.{{Pb}}But where we need vision, we have a vacuum. Where we need direction, we have drift. This was underscored by your speech on Monday. Leaders take responsibility, but too often that has meant other people falling on their swords. You also need to listen to your colleagues, including backbenchers, and the heavy-handed approach to dissenting voices diminishes our politics.
** {{w|Wes Streeting}} resignation letter quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cwy21gpr1kzt &quot;Andy Burnham to try to run for Parliament after Labour MP says he'll stand down for him&quot;], ''BBC News''  (14 May 2026)

* This is not [[Winston Churchill]] that we're dealing with.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62gwkjg0k9o &quot;Trump says Starmer is 'no Winston Churchill' over Iran strikes&quot;], ''BBC News'' (3 March 2026)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{Commons category}}
* {{official website|https://keirstarmer.com}}


{{DEFAULTSORT:Starmer, Keir}}
[[Category:1962 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
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[[Category:Lawyers from England]]
[[Category:People from London]]
[[Category:University of Oxford alumni]]
[[Category:Leaders of the Opposition (United Kingdom)]]
[[Category:Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Walky Talky Hawky</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>217234</id>
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      <text bytes="2250" sha1="5ddt0nx67nlafz8tzncrp2z2oeqmlgh" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Walky Talky Hawky|Walky Talky Hawky]]''''' is a 1946 American animated short film from [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] released in 1946 and directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. All voice characterizations are performed by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]]. It marked the first appearances of Foghorn Leghorn and the [[w:Barnyard Dawg|Barnyard Dawg]].
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

==Dialogue==
:'''Henery Hawk''': Gee, Pop. I don't know what's the matter with me. The trouble's in my tummy. I crave something and I don't know what it is.
:'''George K. Chicken Hawk''': Well, Henery, you're a big boy now. We'd better have a little talk.
:'''Henery Hawk''': Okay, Pop. What do you wanna know?
:'''George K. Chicken Hawk''': You see, Henery, your mother and I are outcasts. Hated and hunted because of what we are... chicken hawks. And you... you, Henery... you're a chicken hawk too. And like all chicken hawks, you crave to eat... a chicken.
:'''Henery Hawk''': Eat a chicken? Is that bad? That's for me. Here chick, chick, chick, chick, chick! Here chick, chick, chick, chick, chick!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': You lose something... I say, did you lose something, kid?
:'''Henery Hawk''': I'm a chicken hawk. I'm after my first chicken.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': A chicken, eh? I'm a horse... I say, I'm a horse myself. ''[trots and whinnies]'' But I've seen a chicken. I say, I've seen a chicken around here. Pay attention, sonny, somewhere. Chicken? Chicken. Oh, yes! ''[points at dog]'' There's a chicken... I say, there's a chicken for you. Boy doesn't pay attention. Nice four legged chicken. Go on over. I say, go on over and taste him, kid. You'll like him.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Foghorn Leghorn / Henery Hawk / Barnyard Dawg / George K. Chickenhawk.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1946 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Foghorn Leghorn cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about dogs]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Molly of Denali</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>217252</id>
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'''''[[w:Molly of Denali|Molly of Denali]]''''' is an animated television series created and produced by Atomic Cartoons and WGBH Kids for PBS Kids and CBC Television. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

== Tag line ==
:'''Molly''': Mahsi' choo! Let's go!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Molly''': ''[to camera]'' Hey everyone, it's me Molly! So, there's this canoe race in Alaska where different schools compete in three person teams, and I realized HEY! Tooey, Trini and I are ''three'' people!
:'''Tooey''': Hi!
:'''Trini''': Howdy!
:'''Molly''': So we formed a team called...
:'''Molly, Tooey and Trini''': The Qyah Canoers!!
:'''Molly''': And we're filming our first practice to show you how ''amazing'' we already are!
:''[Molly puts the camera on the tripod and gets on the canoe with Tooey and Trini.]''
:'''Molly''': Okay, Qyah Canoers. ''[rows the boat with an oar]'' Forward ho!
:''[Molly, Tooey and Trini grunt as they row the canoe]''
:'''Molly''': No, Trini, the other forward!
:'''Trini''': I thought '''''THIS''''' was forward!
:'''Tooey''': No, that's starboard.
:'''Molly''': Star-what?
:'''Trini''': I thought this was star...
:'''Molly, Tooey and Trini''': ''[falling off the canoe]'' WOAH!
:''[The canoe has flipped upside down. The kids swim up, now all soaked.]''
:'''Molly''': ''[sighs]'' That was ''not'' what I meant by amazing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[an outside view of the library]''
:'''Daniel''': Hmmm... Sorry, Molly. The library doesn't have a record of native names.
:'''Molly''': This is ''IMPORTANT'' information! There should be books about it.
:'''Daniel''': I agree, but no one has written one yet.
:'''Molly''': ''[sighs]'' I guess I'll have to go around town and find out for myself.
:'''Daniel''': Good luck!
=== Movie === 
:'''Baby Natalie''': Crying

==Cast==
* {{w|Nicolas Cantu}} as Molly Mabray
* Sequoia Janvier as Tooey Ookami
* Katherine Forrester as Trini Mumford
* Ethan Pugiotto as Layla Mabray
* Ronnie Dean Harris as Walter Mabray
* {{w|Lorne Cardinal}} as Grandpa Nat
* Adeline Potts as Auntie Midge
* Ellen Kennedy as Singing Moose, Video Voice, and Connie
* Luc Roderique as Daniel, Announcer, and Cowboy on TV
* {{w|Michelle Thrush}} as Shyahtsoo, and Aunt Merna
* Shawn Youngchief as Mr. Patak, Maurice, Finnegan Guy and Olin Benedict
* Katrina Salisbury as Nina
* Rhonda Rees as Barb
* [[Pamela Jones]] as Sadie Albert
* Nila Carpentier as Atsaq
* Taran Kootenhayoo as Randall
* Pawaken Koostachin-Chakasim as Oscar
* Kallan Holley as Lucia
* Oriana Medina as Ben
* Noemi Josefina Flores as Kenji
* Tai Grauman as Mrs. Marsh
* Isabella Leo as Vera
* Brendan Sunderland as Jake
* Clai St. Thomas as Travis, and Mr. Rowley
* {{w|Rebecca Shoichet}} as Dr. Antigone
* {{w|Rukiya Bernard}} as Violetta Lawrence

==External links== 
{{wikipedia|Molly of Denali}}
*[http://pbskids.org/molly/ Official website]
*[http://https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8651594/ IMDb]

[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:CBC shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about families]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Muscle Tussle</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>217313</id>
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'''''[[w:Muscle Tussle|Muscle Tussle]]''''' is a 1953 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] theatrical cartoon short released in 1953 and reissued in 1961 as a Blue Ribbon, directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and featuring [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]].

==Dialogue==
:'''Daffy Duck''': And just who - and just who do you think you are? Trying to muscle in on my chick. If you're looking for trouble, brother, just start somethin'. Don't just stand there, start startin' somethin'.
:'''Hunky Duck''': Look friend, if you all don't stop flapping that big yap of yours, I'm gonna have to knock your head so far down between your little old shoulders, you'll have to unbutton your vest to eat.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Ho ho! That's rich, I'll say.
:''[Hunky Duck knocks Daffy's head down into his vest]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': ''[unbuttons his vest]'' One cheeseburger, hold the onions.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melissa Duck''': Goodbye, you scrawny little 9 pound weakling.
:'''Daffy Duck''': How do you like that? Calling me a scrawny little 9 pound weakling when it's perfectly obvious I'm a scrawny little 10 pound weakling. Hmph.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Hunky Duck / Atomcol Salesman.
* Gladys Holland as [[w:Melissa Duck|Melissa Duck]]. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0046107}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set on beaches]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Boobs in the Woods</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>217321</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951718</id>
      <parentid>3716977</parentid>
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'''''[[w:Boobs in the Woods|Boobs in the Woods]]''''' is a 1950 [[w:Animation|animated]] [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon, released in January 1950 (Re-Issued in 1958 in the opening as a Blue Ribbon [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] short), directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]], and starring [[Daffy Duck]] and [[Porky Pig]].
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

==Dialogue==
:''[Porky is painting a lake]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Lake?
:'''Porky Pig''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Daffy Duck''': That lake?
:'''Porky Pig''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Daffy Duck''': That's my lake.
:'''Porky Pig''': Mmm-hmm.
:'''Daffy Duck''': You can't go around painting other people's property! At least have the decency to ask me if you can paint it!
:'''Porky Pig''': Okay, may I please paint your lake?
:'''Daffy Duck''': No. I don't want my lake painted. ''[He wipes it off of Porky's painting, with a cloth]'' The mountains are okay, I don't own them. ''[He leaves Porky, just temporarily]''
:'''Porky Pig''': ''[angrily]'' Ooh!
:'''Daffy Duck''': ''[returning, dressed in an old man's clothes]'' Hey there, sonny.
:'''Porky Pig''': And who are you?
:'''Daffy Duck''': I'm the old man of the mountains! ''[wiping the mountains off of Porky's painting]'' And I don't want them painted!
:'''Porky Pig''': ''[ripping the disguise off of Daffy]'' You wait here, I've got something for you.
:''[Porky then laughs diabolically, after this remark]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': I like him, he's crazy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Porky is using Daffy as his car motor and closing lines, also]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': He's got no right to do this to me! ''[A license permit quickly pops up, it reads &quot;Porky Pig's Permit to use Daffy Duck as motor&quot;]'' What a revolting development this is.
:'''Porky Pig''': When I get to California, I'll have his valves crowned.
:''[The closing line and remark, before Closing Credits' sign appears]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Porky Pig / Daffy Duck / Car Noises.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1950 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]</text>
      <sha1>lt14qte2nripg2b6wzl8bzna7z1aohp</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>What's Up, Doc? (1950 film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218402</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951714</id>
      <parentid>3924456</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:21:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="2816" sha1="2qa9oca4tjrobu3znuxy1egdcb91yfw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:What's Up, Doc? (1950 film)|What's Up, Doc?]]''''' is a ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon released in 1950 to celebrate [[Bugs Bunny]]'s 10th birthday that year, in which he recounts his life story to a reporter from the &quot;[[w:Disassociated Press|Disassociated Press]]&quot;. Bugs talks about his birth, his rise to fame, the slow years, and how famous [[w:Vaudeville|Vaudeville]] performer [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]] chooses him to be part of his act. Eventually the duo comes upon their classic formula of Hunter vs. [[Hare]]. The short also was the first to use the title card music which would continue to be used in Bugs Bunny's cartoons.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

== [[Bugs Bunny]] ==
* ''[first lines; answering the phone]'' Eh, start talking. It's your nickel.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[narrating]'' After much consideration, I finally accepted an important part in the hit show, &quot;Girl of the Golden Vest&quot;.
:'''Bugs Bunny and Boys of the Chorus''':
:''♪ Oh, we are the boys of chorus ♪'' 
:''♪ We hope you like our show ♪'' 
:''♪ We know you're rooting for us ♪'' 
:''♪ But now we have to go! ♪''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[narrating]'' Then came, &quot;Wearing of the Grin&quot;.
:'''Bugs Bunny and Boys of the Chorus''':
:''♪ Oh, we are the boys of chorus ♪'' 
:''♪ We hope you like our show ♪'' 
:''♪ We know you're rooting for us ♪'' 
:''♪ But now we have to go! ♪''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[narrating]'' Then my big smash, &quot;Rosie's Cheeks&quot;.
:'''Bugs Bunny and Boys of the Chorus''':
:''♪ Oh, we are the boys of chorus ♪'' 
:''♪ We hope you like our show ♪'' 
:''♪ We know you're rooting for us ♪'' 
:''♪ But now we have to go! ♪''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Al Jolson / [[Eddie Cantor]] / Director.
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] as Elmer Fudd. (uncredited)
* [[w:Richard Bickenbach|Richard Bickenbach]] as [[Bing Crosby]]. (uncredited)
* The Sportsmen Quartet as Vocalists. (uncredited)

==See also==
*''[[What's Up, Doc?]]'', a 1972 comedy film starring [[w:Barbra Streisand|Barbra Streisand]] and [[w:Ryan O'Neal|Ryan O'Neal]] (which closes with a clip from this cartoon).
*''[[w:What's Up Doc? (TV series)|What's Up Doc?]]'', a UK Saturday morning children's show in the early 1990s.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1950 animated films]]
[[Category:1940s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Animated musical films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>A Wild Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218444</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951755</id>
      <parentid>3858254</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:13:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
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      <text bytes="2470" sha1="81sqtu8lcnejmw3hdsxtq3g76uff71z" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:A Wild Hare|A Wild Hare]]''''', (reissued as '''''The Wild Hare'''''), is a 1940 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon supervised by [[w:Tex Avery|Tex Avery]] (credited as Fred Avery on the original issue). The short subject features [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]] and [[Bugs Bunny]], the latter making what is considered his first official appearance.
:''Directed by [[w:Tex Avery|Tex Avery]]. Produced by [[w:Leon Schlesinger|Leon Schlesinger]]. Story by Rich Hogan.''

==[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]==
* ''[first occurrence of this line]'' Eh, what's up, Doc?

==[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]==
* ''[first occurence of this line]'' Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[with his hands over Elmer's eyes]'' Guess who?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Heddy Wamarr]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': No.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Carole Lombard|Cawole Wombard]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Rosemary Lane (actress)|Wosemawy Wane]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope. Guess again.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Olivia de Havilland|Owivia De Haviwand]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope, but you're getting warmer.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Say, you wouldn't be that scwewy wabbit, would you?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Ehh... could be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Pardon me, but you know, you wook just wike a wabbit.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Ehhh... c'mere. Listen, doc. ''[whispering]'' Now don't spread this around, but, uh... confidentially... ''[screaming]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;I&gt;'''I AM A WABBIT!'''&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Skunk. (uncredited)
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] as Elmer Fudd. (uncredited)
* [[w:Marion Darlington|Marion Darlington]] as Birds Whistling. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wild Hare, A}}
[[Category:1940 American animated films]]
[[Category:1940s English-language films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Surreal comedy films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Screwball comedy films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about skunks]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated films set in the United States]]
[[Category:Animated films set in forests]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tex Avery]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951917</id>
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      <text bytes="2495" sha1="8bqlbvewbh0rmqivigcxt10ybhj4p11" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:A Wild Hare|A Wild Hare]]''''', (reissued as '''''The Wild Hare'''''), is a 1940 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon supervised by [[w:Tex Avery|Tex Avery]] (credited as Fred Avery on the original issue). The short subject features [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]] and [[Bugs Bunny]], the latter making what is considered his first official appearance.
:''Directed by [[w:Tex Avery|Tex Avery]]. Produced by [[w:Leon Schlesinger|Leon Schlesinger]]. Story by Rich Hogan.''

==[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]==
* ''[first occurrence of this line]'' Eh, what's up, Doc?

==[[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]==
* ''[first occurence of this line]'' Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[with his hands over Elmer's eyes]'' Guess who?
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Hedy Lamarr|Heddy Wamarr]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': No.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Carole Lombard|Cawole Wombard]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Rosemary Lane (actress)|Wosemawy Wane]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope. Guess again.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': [[w:Olivia de Havilland|Owivia De Haviwand]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nope, but you're getting warmer.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Say, you wouldn't be that scwewy wabbit, would you?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Ehh... could be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Pardon me, but you know, you wook just wike a wabbit.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Ehhh... c'mere. Listen, doc. ''[whispering]'' Now don't spread this around, but, uh... confidentially... ''[screaming]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;I&gt;'''I AM A WABBIT!'''&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/big&gt;

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Skunk. (uncredited)
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] as Elmer Fudd. (uncredited)
* [[w:Marion Darlington|Marion Darlington]] as Birds Whistling. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0033260}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wild Hare, A}}
[[Category:1940 American animated films]]
[[Category:1940s English-language films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Surreal comedy films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Screwball comedy films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about skunks]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated films set in the United States]]
[[Category:Animated films set in forests]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tex Avery]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Devil May Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218447</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951695</id>
      <parentid>3924162</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:08:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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[[File:Devil May Hare title card.png|thumb|Title card.]]
'''''[[w:Devil May Hare|Devil May Hare]]''''' is a 1954 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon that was released on June 19, 1954. This theatrical cartoon was directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and starred [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] playing the voices of [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]], [[w:Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)|the Tasmanian Devil]], and the turtle.
This cartoon was featured in Bugs Bunny's Cupid Capers.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. Story by Sid Marcus.''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[looking up in the encyclopedia]'' Q... R... S... T, Tasmanian Devil. Here it is. &quot;A strong, murderous beast, jaws as powerful as a steel trap - has ravenous appetite - eats [[w:Tiger|tigers]], [[w:Lion|lions]], [[w:Elephant|elephants]], [[w:Buffalo|buffaloes]], [[w:Donkey|donkeys]], [[w:Giraffe|giraffes]], [[w:Octopus|octopuses]], [[w:Rhinoceros|rhinoceroses]], [[w:Moose|mooses]], [[w:Duck|ducks]]...&quot;
:'''Tasmanian Devil''': [[w:Rabbit|Rabbits]].
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Rabbits? It doesn't say rabbits here.
:''[Tasmanian Devil writes &quot;and rabbits&quot; on bottom of page]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[to a little fawn]'' Hey, scram! Go on, beat it! The Tasmanian Devil's liable to get you. He's a mean, vicious, nasty, no-good, baggy-eyed, marble-headed ignoramorus. He's a stupid...
:'''Tasmanian Devil''': Flattery will get you nowhere. And you can't fool me again.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Huh? ''[suddenly nervous]'' That's right, doc! ''[pointing toward the fawn]'' This bitsy little animal is made out of straw.
:'''Tasmanian Devil''': But you're not. ''[growls at Bugs and takes off after him]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[Bugs Bunny]] / [[Tasmanian Devil (Looney Tunes)|Tasmanian Devil]] / Tasmanian She-Devil / Turtle

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0046908}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1954 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Films set in jungles]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:Tasmanian Devil cartoons]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Great Piggy Bank Robbery</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218554</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951750</id>
      <parentid>3936326</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:06:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951750</origin>
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      <text bytes="1935" sha1="i4y0c0lwbk6t1mfvlcfom4kfquatsq1" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Great Piggy Bank Robbery|The Great Piggy Bank Robbery]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] Pictures ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' theatrical cartoon short, produced in early 1945, and released in 1946. It was directed by [[w:Robert Clampett|Robert Clampett]], and features [[Daffy Duck]] in Clampett's penultimate Warner cartoon, produced shortly before he left the studio. The cartoon is largely a parody of the popular ''[[w:Dick Tracy|Dick Tracy]]'' comic book series. This is also the last short Clampett directed that featured Daffy.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert Clampett|Robert Clampett]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

==[[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]==
* A trapdoor? Very ingenious. Duck Twacy is too smart for a trap like that! ''[stands ''beside'' the doormat]'' I shall ring the bell from here. ''[does so, only for the trapdoor to actually be where he is standing, sending him falling into an underground room]'' Was that really necessary?!

==Dialogue==
:'''Daffy Duck''': Rubber Head!
:'''Rubber Head''': I'm gonna r-r-r-r-rub you out, see? R-r-r-r-r-r-rub you out!
:''[Rubber Head erases Daffy with his head]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Fantastic! And furthermore, it's unbelieva... ''[erased completely; coming out of door]'' ... ble.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Duck Twacy / Wolf Man / Rubber Head / Neon Noodle / Pig.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Great Piggy Bank Robbery, The}}
[[Category:1946 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Crime films]]
[[Category:Mystery films]]
[[Category:Spoof films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Bob Clampett]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rabbitson Crusoe</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218563</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951668</id>
      <parentid>3699052</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:57:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="2017" sha1="c5l3f93ghq6wgyez3rwxl3vrkyt55yh" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rabbitson Crusoe|Rabbitson Crusoe]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' short released in 1956 and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The name and part of the story is a direct parody of ''[[Robinson Crusoe]]''.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

== Yosemite Sam ==
* ''[narrating, from his journal]'' A low tide and a high rock caused my predicament. The ship's supplies used up, my only food supply was a lowly coconut tree. Gatherin' coconuts was a problem, 'cause of a dangerous, man-eatin' shark named Dopey Dick.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': What's the big idea? What's up, Doc?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': I'm gonna make rabbit stew!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Rabbit Stew? Mmm, sounds good. But, uh, where are you gonna get the rabbit?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': We've already got the rabbit. Get the idea? ''[laughs]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Yeah, I get the idea. ''[laughs nervously]'' How long will it be before dinner's ready?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Just a few minutes, barrin' accidents.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[drops water onto the flames, extinguishing them]'' Whoops, foist accident.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Ooh, ya stupid idjit rabbit! Don't ya know matches is scarce on this island?! Now I gotta go all the way to the ship to get another match!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Yosemite Sam / Dopey Dick.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1956 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set on islands]]
[[Category:Films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:Films about castaways]]</text>
      <sha1>c5l3f93ghq6wgyez3rwxl3vrkyt55yh</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Sahara Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>218745</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951673</id>
      <parentid>3924154</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:59:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
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      <text bytes="1973" sha1="gn99hmkrxv9jy3jg3ykyub9ym5fhx9w" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Sahara Hare|Sahara Hare]]''''' is a 1955 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' theatrical cartoon short created in 1954 and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was created in response to producer [[w:Eddie Selzer|Eddie Selzer]], due to his remark that [[camels]] are not funny. This cartoon stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]], With a cameo appearance by [[Daffy Duck]].

This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]]''.

== [[Bugs Bunny]] ==
* I wonder if he's stubborn enough to open all those doors. ''[explosion]'' Yep, he's stubborn enough.

==Dialogue==
:'''Riff Raff Sam''': Great horny toads! A trespasser, gettin' footie-prints all over my desert! ''[to his camel]'' Yah, mule! Yah-yah-yah! ''[The camel takes off quickly, and he grabs his hat to keep it on.]'' Whoa, camel, whoa! Whoa! WHOA, CAMEL! ''WHOA!'' Aw, c'mon, whoa! ''[He jumps off the camel and lands in front of it.]'' WHEN I SAY &quot;WHOA&quot;, I MEAN ''&quot;WHOA&quot;!''
:''[He whacks the camel with his rifle, knocking it out with a big lump on his head. Meanwhile, with Bugs...]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Eh, what's up Doc? You with the sideshow around here?
:'''Riff Raff Sam''': I'm no Doc, ya flea-bitten varmint! I'm Riff-Raff Sam, the riffiest riff that ever riffed a raft!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Your slip is showing.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Yosemite Sam / Daffy Duck

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0048576}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1955 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:Films set in deserts]]
[[Category:Films set in Egypt]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Fox Terror</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>221221</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951665</id>
      <parentid>3922519</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:54:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="4112" sha1="q9do5ipcj1kmtl1q7tgcrsawqlfga5b" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Fox Terror|Fox Terror]]''''' is a 1957 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short starring [[w:Foghorn Leghorn|Foghorn Leghorn]], [[w:Barnyard Dawg|Barnyard Dawg]], and the fox. The title is a play on the dog breed name &quot;[[w:Fox Terrier|Fox Terrier]].&quot;
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Eddie Selzer|Eddie Selzer]]. Story by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].'' Sometimes referred to as kurtis

==[[w:Foghorn Leghorn|Foghorn Leghorn]]==
* I need, I say, I need a pointer, and that dog's got just the head for it, pointed, that is.

==Dialogue==
:'''Fox''': ''[speaking extremely quick and getting Barnyard Dawg, off guard]'' Here, boy. Get the bone, get the bone, get the bone. Go! Go! Go! get it! Get it! Go!
:''[Fox lead Barnyard Dawg, that was asleep, into chasing a stick, that landed, in a trap, just set by the fox. After tricking Barnyard Dawg, the fox then quickly folded up box, locking up and trapping Barnyard Dawg. Fox, is now dressed as a genie, and attracts Foghorn Leghorn's attention, as Foghorn Leghorn is walking and singing, to to a place for fishing]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Uh, what do we have here?
:'''Fox''': ''[speaking with French accent]'' A lucky charm, off-ende to help you catch lots of fish. Only ten dollar.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Lucky charm?
:'''Fox''': Very lucky.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Lots of fish?
:'''Fox''': Great quantities.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': It's a deal.
:'''Fox''': Thank you, off-ende. Just blow on it three times and throw it, over your left shoulder.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Hmm, lots of fish eh?
:''[Foghorn Leghorn then blew on it and then tossed, trapped Barnyard Dawg, into well, not knowing Barnyard Dawg was trapped in it]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': ''[after seeing Barnyard Dawg, injured again and singing]'' What happened to you, dog? You look like two miles of bad road. What you doing there, Dog?
:''[Getting even, Barnyard Dawg folded up Foghorn Leghorn, blew on his folded up body three times and tossed him, over left shoulder and in the same well. Foghorn Leghorn just climbed out of well and dried himself]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Hold on, dog. How come you do me like you do-do-do?
:'''Barnyard Dawg''': Because you've been trying to keep me from my job, Guarding the chickens.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Why, I don't want to keep you from guarding the chickens.
:'''Barnyard Dog''': Well, somebody does.
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': And I think I know who that somebody is. Look!
:''[Foghorn Leghorn sees the fox and points it to Barnyard Dawg]''
:'''Barnyard Dawg''': Why that no good...
:''[Foghorn Leghorn stopped Barnyard Dawg, from speaking, so Foghorn Leghorn could give him a different suggestion of advice]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Whoa! Back-up boy. I've got a little o' idea. Come on. 
:''[After Foghorn Leghorn spoke, the small chick rang the warning bell]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': ''[in unison, as he and Barnyard Dawg spoke]'' Hey, bud. Come here.
:'''Fox''': Who, me?
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': Yeah. Where you going?
:'''Fox''': ''[dazed talks with gibberish voice]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': ''[in unison]'' Uh-huh!
:''[Foghorn Leghorn and Barnyard Dawg quickly make a duel, making the fox, their target. The fox being shot twice, was shot once by each, then runs away]''
:'''Foghorn Leghorn''': ''[dressed like a fox hunting executive, setting on Barnyard Dawg's back, as he blows a bugle]'' We fixed that fox, and that's only the beginning.
:''[After this is small chick with final line, saying Uh-huh! then showing newspaper with THE END, written, on other side]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Foghorn Leghorn / Barnyard Dawg / Fox / Small Rooster

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1957 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:Foghorn Leghorn cartoons]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Little Beau Pepé</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>222036</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951708</id>
      <parentid>3951048</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:17:53Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="1034" sha1="8rpinmrlr93qshn4qj5gh3whe6h7gyu" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''Little Beau Pepé''''' is a 1952 [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] short directed by [[Chuck Jones]].

==[[w:Pepé Le Pew|Pepé Le Pew]]==
* How is it that she can sleep when I am so near? We must stoke the furnace of love, must we not?
* ''[last lines]'' Why is it whenever a man is captured by a woman, all he wish to do is get away?

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Pepé Le Pew / Foreign Legion Soldiers.
* [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]] as Foreign Legion Singer. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1952 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Pepé Le Pew cartoons]]
[[Category:Penelope Pussycat cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set in deserts]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Bad Ol' Putty Tat</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>222602</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951740</id>
      <parentid>3716942</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:57:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951740</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1863" sha1="hyw95fp8pcwd8bx13q2e96dusn0nak6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Bad Ol' Putty Tat|Bad Ol' Putty Tat]]''''' is a 1949 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated cartoon released by [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] starring [[w:Tweety|Tweety]] and directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Tweety must evade the titular &quot;puddy tat,&quot; [[w:Sylvester (Looney Tunes)|Sylvester the Cat]], who is once again in hot pursuit of Tweety, just so that he can eat him for his own personal snack.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

==[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]==
* ''[while being used as a badminton shuttlecock]'' Now how did I det myself into such a pwedicament? ''[Sylvester prepares to catch Tweety in his mouth, but Tweety prepares a dynamite candle]'' Bombs away! ''[drops the dynamite into Sylvester's mouth]''

==Dialogue==
:'''Tweety''': ''[as Sylvester is bouncing up to the birdhouse on a trampoline]'' Bad ol' putty tat!
:''[Tweety hits him in the head]''
:'''Tweety''': You fwighten me!
:''[Tweety sprays seltzer in his face]''
:'''Tweety''': You make my widdle heart qwiver!
:''[Sylvester wears a helmet this time. As he rockets down, he sticks his tongue out at Tweety. But the next time he comes up, Tweety puts a stick of dynamite into the helmet, which explodes off-screen]''
:'''Tweety''': Bad ol' putty tat!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Sylvester / Tweety / Badminton Player.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Which Is Witch</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>222604</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951745</id>
      <parentid>3716954</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:02:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951745</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1571" sha1="0rnrj0uwgirw7gty7auuonrz5wlr9k9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Which Is Witch|Which Is Witch]]''''' is a 1948 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon released by [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] in 1949, directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. In the short, an African witch doctor is about to prepare a potion which needs as one of its ingredient a rabbit.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Eh, what's up, doc?
:'''Witch Doctor''': How you know me doctor?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Witch Doctor''': ''[breaking the fourth wall]'' Keep your eye on the bull's eye!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[jabs Bugs in the butt]'' Hey what's the big idea?, give me that dart!
:''[Bugs takes the spear from him and breaks the head]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': There. Now don't let me hear about you playing with matches either!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Witch Doctor / I.C. Spots.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id= 0042038}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Which Is Witch}}
[[Category:1948 animated films]]
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films about crocodilians]]
[[Category:Films set in Africa]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>222754</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951785</id>
      <parentid>3948629</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:35:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34451-46</username>
        <id>3340243</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Voice Cast */</comment>
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      <text bytes="14877" sha1="bf9dz0yrjuv4wbvslwr5sdvl1k3wlqq" xml:space="preserve">{{film-cleanup}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie|Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie]]''''' Provider: NBC Universal is a [[w:2002 in film|2002]] American computer-animated [[w:Christian|Christian]] musical comedy adventure film produced by [[w:Big Idea Entertainment|Big Idea Productions]] and released by [[w:Universal Pictures|Universal Pictures]] and [[w:Artisan Entertainment|Artisan Entertainment]] through the [[w:Family Home Entertainment|F·H·E Pictures]] label, based on the Christian musical animated series ''[[w:VeggieTales|VeggieTales]]'' created by [[w:Phil Vischer|Phil Vischer]] and [[w:Mike Nawrocki|Mike Nawrocki]]. When the Veggies encounter some car trouble on the way to the concert, they get stranded at an old rundown seafood joint, where nothing is quite as it seems and been told a bible story of &quot;Jonah&quot;.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Phil Vischer|Phil Vischer]] and [[w:Mike Nawrocki|Mike Nawrocki]].''

==Annie Onion==
* May I please use the bathroom?

==Dialogue==
:'''Laura''': My tickeeeeeeeet!!
:''(The ticket lands on the side of the road. Cuts back to the Veggies in the van. An annoyed Bob tries to get Mike out of his way.)
:'''Bob''': Do you mind?!
:'''Mike''': ''(his guitar is stuck in the steering wheel)'' I'm stuck! ''(Mike tries to pull the guitar out the steering wheel, but accidentally rips the wheel off the dashboard. Bob gasps in horror. Mike frantically shakes his guitar to try to get the wheel off of his guitar. The Veggies all crying out in fear as the van swerves all around the road. Meanwhile, in the forest, a mother porcupine is walks with her two babies. Cut back to the van, which is still driving like crazy.)''

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Bob''': A porcupine!
:'''Mike''': Tree! ''[Bob steers right towards a cabin]'' Cabin! ''[Bob steers left towards a clothesline]'' Underwear!
:'''Bob''': (''chuckles'') Well, I'm glad that's over. ''[line snaps. Bob turns to Mike]'' Did you say something? ''[Mike shakes his head. Another line snaps]'' Oh...
:'''Mike''': Dear! ''[Three more lines snaps and the van continues down the hill towards the river and Veggies screams and bumped with the tree stump and two airbags]''
:'''Bob''': Am I in heaven?
:'''Mike''': (''sniffs'') It smells like… Wisconsin. ''[?] (Everyone jumps out of the car)''
:'''Bob''': Well, nobody got hurt. ''[A quill comes out of nowhere and hits Bob in the behind and Bob crying out loud in scared]'' Ahh! ''(The porcupines look down happily.)
:'''Mike''': Wow! What a shot! ''[Bob groans]''
:'''Junior''': Hey, what's that? ''(They all notice a restaurant that read SEAFOOD with the letter D light out.)''
:'''All''': Ooh.
:'''Annie''': What's seafoo?
:'''Percy Pea''': Maybe it’s like Tofu.
:'''Mike''': Only saltier.
:''(The D lights up.)''
:'''All''': (O.S.) Ahh.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Laura''': Hmph! I'm coming with you, Mr. Bob.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[as Jonah (Archibald Asparagus) is praying in his tent.]''
:'''Jonah''': A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? ''[gasps]'' Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. All right, name the town. I'll be on my way first thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Nineveh? I'm not aware of any Ninevehs in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. ''[sees Nineveh on the map]'' You mean that Nineveh?
:'''Pa Grape''': ''[off-screen; narrating]'' That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people, the Israelites. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! ''[One of the Ninevites does so to a gourd.]'' They even slapped each other with fishes. ''[Two peas are shown doing just that.]'' They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Ninevites were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Jonah, wished God would just wipe Nineveh off the face of the earth! ''[A fire from heaven destroys Nineveh; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too, off-screen; narrating]'' Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.
:'''Jonah''': You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Nineveh is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A God like you would never go to a place like Nineveh, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. ''[laughs]'' Oh.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Jonah exits the tent the next morning, when...]''
:'''Jerry''': Morning, Jonah! What's the word?
:'''Jonah''': What? Nothing! There is no word! ''[starts runs away]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh, nothing? At all?
:'''Jonah''': No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-
:'''Mr. Nezzer''': Morning, Jonah. What's the word?
:'''Jonah''': Ah, stop it! There is no word! Nothing! I've got to get out of here! ''[continues running away]'' There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I am not... going... to Nineveh!
:''[Because he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into a sign and it hits him, knocking him back. He looks and sees that it's a map of the Mediterranean Sea.]''
:'''Scooter''': Sorry, sir! I can't sell you a ticket to Nineveh!
:'''Jonah''': What? Who are you?
:'''Scooter''': The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, aye?! ''[Jonah slightly jumps.]'' But ya can't sail to Nineveh! It's land-locked! See? ''[Angus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.]'' You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!
:'''Jonah''': But I don't want to go to-
:'''Penelope''': ''[as she and Mabel spot Jonah]'' Oh, hello, Mr. Jonah! What's the word?
:'''Scooter''': He's going to Nineveh!
:'''Penelope''': Oh, really?
:'''Jonah''': ''[frustrated]'' I am not going to Nineveh! Why on earth would I wanna go to Nineveh?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! ''[looks at map]'' What's the farthest thing in the world from Nineveh?
:'''Scooter''': Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.
:''[Jonah isn't paying attention to what he's saying, instead directing his attention toward a star on the far left edge of the map.]''
:'''Jonah''': There! I want to go there!
:'''Scooter''':  Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks! It's the other end of the world!
:'''Jonah''': Perfect! How much?
:'''Scooter''': Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-
:''[Then they suddenly hear Larry, Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt singing &quot;The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything&quot;.]''

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Jonah heads below the deck of the pirate ship and looks around.]''
:'''Jonah''': Oh, what have I done? What have I done?
:''[He puts two bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls on a bench and uses them as pillows. As he starts to lie down, he suddenly hears a voice from seemingly nowhere.]''
:'''Motivational Tape''': You are powerful and attractive.
:'''Jonah''': What? Who's there?
:'''Motivational Tape''': You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.
:'''Jonah''': ''[jolts up]'' Ah! The bag! It speaks! ''[As Jonah throws the bag to the lantern, the lantern swings the bag and it falls onto a barrel.]''
:'''Khalil''': ''[off-screen; from inside the bag]'' Ow! What did you do that for?
:'''Jonah''': Mr. Twisty? Who's there?! Show yourself! ''[The mystery creature moves around. As Jonah looks at the bag, the creature pops out of the bag, spilling cheese curls. Jonah sees a caterpillar named Khalil, with headphones.]''
:'''Khalil''': Hello.
:'''Jonah''': What are you?
:'''Khalil''': Who, me? Oh. My name is Khalil. I am a caterpillar. Well, that is only half true. My mother was a caterpillar, my father was a worm. But I'm okay with that now.
:'''Jonah''': Khalil?
:'''Khalil''': Khalil. You've got to get your foot into it. ''[He removes a cheese curl from his foot, falls over, but gets up]'' I bet you are wondering why I am here.
:'''Jonah''': Ah, you tidy up around the ship.
:'''Khalil''': Oh no, I do not work on this ship. I am a small business operator, a traveling salesman. I sell Persian rugs door to door. ''[shows his cart full of tiny rugs]'' See?
:'''Jonah''': Oh, lovely.
:'''Khalil''': By the way, do you know where this ship is going?
:'''Jonah''': Yes. Tarshish.
:'''Khalil''': Tarshish? ''[gasps]'' What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need. The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here but I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes. ''[puts his headphones on]''
:'''Motivational Tape''': You are a skilled metal worker.
:'''Khalil''': I am a skilled metal worker? Ha! I did not know that!

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Jonah, still dreaming, is tosses in his bunk. Pa Grape calls at him off-screen]''
:'''Pa Grape''': Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!
:'''Jonah''': No! I... I can't hear you!
:'''Pa Grape''': Come on, wake up! We've got trouble!
:'''Jonah''': What? What's happening?
:'''Pa Grape''': We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before! If we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!
:'''Khalil''': We seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!
:'''Pa Grape''': Huh? Hey! What are you doing here?! Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf-eater?
:'''Khalil''': Well, yes. But you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! ''[Pa Grape turns to Jonah, who rolls his eyes]'' Crime-fighting runs very deep in my family.
:'''Pa Grape''': Why, if it wasn't for this storm, I'd make you walk the plank. And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?!
:'''Jonah''': What's going on?!
:'''Pa Grape''': I'll tell you what's goin' on! We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help!
:'''Jonah''': Well, what can we do?
:'''Pa Grape''': Oh! Get up and pray to your God! Maybe He'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! ''[falls over]'' Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here! Wait a minute. That's it! All right you 2, follow me!?

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Last Lines]''
:'''Jonah''': What? What are you doing?!
:'''Khalil''': I wanted to be big and important, just like you! But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful! That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!? ''[Khalil resumes walking with the new title song &quot;God's Not Dead (Like A Lion)&quot; Composer and Writer Michael Tait and Kevin Max Performed by Newsboys as Jonah stares in disbelief]''
:'''Jonah''': You can't just leave!
:'''Khalil''': Can and am. ''[Reginald begins to walks away as well, leaves Jonah all alone]''
:'''Jonah''': But who will I talk to?! ''You can't just leave me here all alone?!'' Hello? Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Khalil? Khalil? KHALIL?! '''''NOOOOO!!'''''
:'''Pa Sour Grape''': That's ''[back in the present day; to everyone]'' the end. ''[closes the slider door, the Veggie Kids is disappointedly with the anticlimactickallies endingly, includes Mike and Robert]''
:'''Dakota Richards''': ''[in home]'' I'm very disappointed in you, Percy, Annie, Junior and Laura.
:'''Mom (Kelly Cronkhite)''': ''[in home]'' Oh, no. Dakota, what do you think you're doing?!
:'''Mr. Bob''': ''[confusedly; to Mike Asparagus]'' Wait a minute. It's over?
:'''Pa Grape''': Yep.
:'''Mr. Bob''': That's how it ends?
:'''Pa Grape''': Yep.
:'''Junior''': But what did Jonah learn?
:'''Mr. Lunt''': The question, my friends, is not &quot;what did Jonah learn&quot;. The question is — what did ''you'' learn?
:'''Junior''': Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help. And we need to give second chances, even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?
:'''Pa Grape''': Hey, tomato?
:'''Mr. Bob''': Huh?
:'''Pa Grape''': Your friend there, the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.
:'''Mr. Bob''': Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh-uh! I… Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.
:'''Pa Grape''': Yep. Now get out of here before crab legs get cold.
:'''Mike''': You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story.
:'''Pa Grape''': Well, whaddya want? A big musical number?
:'''Mike''': Well, yeah!
:'''Pa Grape''': Who do they think I am, Twippo?
:'''Twippo (Archibald Asparagus)''': Yes?

===New Song - ''God's Not Dead (Like A Lion) by Newsboys and the Michael Tait''===
Random
===In the Belly of the Whale by Newsboys and the Steve Taylor===
Random
===Credits Song===
Random

==Voice Cast==
*Phil Vischer – Archibald Asparagus/Jonah/Twippo, Angel #3, Hank, Mr. Lunt, Percy's Dad/Phineas Pea, Annie's Dad, Bob the Tomato, Cockney Pea #2, Phillipe Pea, Scallion #1, Percy Pea, Jimmy Gourd, Porcupine #2, Rodrigo the Crocodile, Bear-Trapped Bear, Grandpa George, Phillipe's Dad/Thomas Pea, Phil Carrot, Mr. Nezzer, Pa Grape, Thanos the Camel, Spike, Benny the Dog, Whale, King Twistomer, Roger the Elephant, Tom Grape, Phil Winkelstein
*Mike Nawrocki – Larry the Cucumber, Wee Pea, Scallion #2, Henry Potato, Oscar the Polish, Bacon Bill, Jean Claude Pea, Cockney Pea #1, Christophe Pea, Self-Help Tape Voice, Jerry Gourd
*Ally Nawrocki – Lisa Asparagus
*Dan Anderson – Mike Asparagus, Mayor the Cat, Xavier the Frog
*Mike Sage – Scallion #3, Dirk Evert
*Tim Hodge – Khalil the Caterpillar, Lenny Carrot, Archibald's Dad, Blind Lemon Lincoln
*Jim Poole – Scooter Carrot/Angus, Lil' Pea, Wallace the Alligator
*Tress MacNeille – Rosie Grape, Archibald's Mom, Kathy Lemon, Grandma Gourd
*Shelby Vischer – Annie Onion, Vanessa the Goat, Abigail the Leopard, Joanna Broccoli, Mother Porcupine, Lily Asparagus, Linda the Rhinoceros, Jean-Claude's Mom/Savannah Pea, Fern the Fox
*Lisa Vischer – Junior Asparagus, Asparagus Singers, Carol Carrot, Angel #2, Percy's Mom/Ally Pea, Porcupine #1, Mary Apple, Baby Lou Carrot, Annie's Mom, Maren the Zerba
*Kristin Blegen – Laura Carrot, Ma Grape, Jane Asparagus, Angel #1, April the Koala
*Maggie Roberts – Edna Broccoli, Libby the Camel, Mrs. Houghton the Snow Leopard
*Ron Smith – City Official, Paul the Vulture, Crazed Jopponian
*Megan Murphy – Madame Blueberry, Ermie Asparagus
*Cydney Trent – Petunia Rhubarb

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{italic title}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie}}

[[Category:2002 films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Pirate films]]
[[Category:Films about food and drink]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Two Scent's Worth</title>
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      <text bytes="2204" sha1="ccrqyms0dtq2dptc671wnhv6ue5cgz4" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Two Scent's Worth|Two Scent's Worth]]''''' is a 1955 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' short directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and starring [[w:Pepé Le Pew|Pepé Le Pew]].
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. Story by Charles M. Jones.''

==[[w:Pepé Le Pew|Pepé Le Pew]]==
* Guess who? It is me. Oh partu pertu le mois, uh partu meet me introduce you myself, I am Pepé Le Pew, your lover! So impetuous, but nice. You know it is not just a case of physical attraction. I admire her mind too. Hello Cherie, all is fare in love and war, aye darling? Alright butterduck, you have done all that could be expected, you have resisted your natural impulses and have ran away from me. Mwooo, mwooo, mwooo, you little flirt, mwoo, mwoo, mwoo. Charming situation is it not? Mwoo, mwoo. I tell you what, you stop resisting me and I will stop resisting you. Well if you have a better offer than that, Oli Ole ei yo, epule? I am your guide to love, no? Together we shall explore the heights of the light. Mwoo, mwoo, mwoo. The conquest of Everest will pale into insignificance mwoo, mwoo. Navigator to pilot, pretty girl at 3'o clock, over. Pilot to navigator, roar roar. Over, Roger, will go. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. I pierce you with the ack ack of love flowerpot. Poems are made by fools like me. 

* Darling, how good of you to wait for me. ''[Penelope holds on to Pepé Le Pew tight]'' She is no longer timid. ''[they begin to fall, but, a parachute activates]'' A true gentleman must be prepared for anything.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Pepé Le Pew / Robber / Cat / Three Bank Customers.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1955 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Pepé Le Pew cartoons]]
[[Category:Penelope Pussycat cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set in France]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Kenny the Shark</title>
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    <id>223292</id>
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      <text bytes="1997" sha1="ropr00msld3twp3ubqlm1jv5dzoio9z" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Kenny the Shark}}''''' is an American animated television series about an anthropomorphic tiger shark named Kenny. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 9 to 13.

==Dialogue==
:'''Kenny''': Oh Kat, you've come to say goodbye!
:'''Kat''': Cut the drama, Kenny.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mulch''': Mulch eat seals.
:'''Kenny''': They're not seals, they're people. Small people, even. They're kids.
:'''Mulch''': Mulch eat kids!
:'''Kenny''': You don't want to eat them, Mulch. Take it from me. They taste like flotsam. You like sushi? I know a great restaurant! All you can eat!
:'''Mulch''': Mulch eat kids!
:'''Kenny''': Hey, I know! Let's see what Phoebe has in her fridge!
:'''Mulch''': MULCH! EAT! KIDS!
:'''Kenny''': &quot;Mulch eat kids. Mulch eat kids.&quot; Mulch has really gotta work on his vocabulary. Use your words!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mulch''': Mulch eat kids!
:'''Kenny''': Can it, Mulch! Do you want me to wipe the floor with you?
:''[Mulch breaks free from the reel]''
:'''Mulch''': Mulch eat shark!
:'''Kenny''': ''[realizing he's in trouble]'' On second thought, eat the kids! Eat the kids!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Peter''': Boy, for a fearless predator, he's pretty chicken.
:'''Kenny''': You're lucky I don't like the taste of balding vegetarians.

==Cast==
* Kenny the Shark (voiced by {{w|Jim Conroy}})
* Katarina &quot;Kat&quot; Cassidy  (voiced by {{w|Kelli Rabke}})
* Karl Cassidy and Grace Cassidy (voiced by {{w|Karen Culp}})
* Peter Cassidy (voiced by {{w|Russell Horton}})

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{unreferenced|article about a serial production}} 

[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]
[[Category:NBC animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Angelina Ballerina (TV series)</title>
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      <text bytes="29271" sha1="mz7zgmbwngvx9fmycaaiw3kk8zcdy98" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Angelina Ballerina (TV series)|Angelina Ballerina]]''''', also referred to as '''''Angelina''''' for short, is a British animated children's television series, based on the ''[[w:Angelina Ballerina|Angelina Ballerina]]'' series of children's books by author [[w:Katharine Holabird|Katharine Holabird]] and illustrator [[w:Helen Craig|Helen Craig]]. The series is about Angelina Mouseling, a young mouse who loves to dance ballet, and her family and classmates. [[w:Finty Williams|Finty Williams]] performed the voice of Angelina, and her real-life mother [[w:Judi Dench|Judi Dench]] performed the voice of Miss Lilly, her old ballet teacher on the old Henson International Television Entertainment. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 3 to 7,

==Series 1 (2001-2002)==
===Angelina in the Wings / Arthur the Butterfly [1.1]===
:'''

===Angelina at the Fair / The Ballet Tickets [1.3]===
:'''Angelina''': Just think, Alice, in exactly one hour, ''[takes her ballet shoes off]'' you and I will be riding on the fastest, scariest roller coaster ride in all of Mouseland!
:'''Alice''': ''[eagerly; while trying to take her ballet shoes off]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I BET IT'S GOT A HUNDRED LOOPS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[anticipated]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I BET IT'S GOT A THOUSAND LOOPS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Alice''': ''[laughs]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I BET IT'S GOT A MILLION LOOPS!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[They both laugh until Angelina notices Alice's ballet shoes are all tangled up]''
:'''Angelina''': Alice, I think you've got a bit loopy yourself.
:'''Alice''': Oops!
:'''Angelina''': ''[to William, as she gives him her bag]'' Here, William, hold this, will you?
:'''Alice''': ''[to William, as she also giving him her bag]'' And this?
:'''Angelina''': Here, let me. ''[unties Alice's ballet shoes]''
:''[Alice places her ballet shoes in her bag as she follows Angelina]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to William]'' Hurry up, William! Or we'll be late for the fair!
:''[William grunts as he straightens the bags on his shoulders and follows along]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Angelina, Alice, William and Henry are waiting in line to go on the Ferris wheel]''
:'''Henry''': ''[gasps; then to Angelina about the Ferris wheel]'' But I told you, I don't like big wheels.
:'''Angelina''': Oh, don't worry, Henry. They're not at all scary.
:'''William''': Of course they're not.
:'''Alice''': ''[while eating a candy apple]'' In fact, it's just like riding a bicycle.
:'''Henry''': But I can't ride a bicycle.
:'''Angelina''': Trust me, Henry, you're going to love it!
:''[Later, the scene cuts to where Angelina, Alice, William and Henry are riding on the Ferris wheel]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[eagerly]'' &lt;big&gt;'''OH HENRY, ISN'T THIS FUN?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Henry''': ''[crying]'' &lt;big&gt;'''I WANT TO GET OFF!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Angelina groans in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts to where Angelina, Alice and William are riding on the Loop the Loop roller coaster as it goes up the hill and then zooms down the track as they both laugh and scream at the same time until it comes to a stop and the attendant walks over to them]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to the attendant]'' Can we go again?
:'''Alice and Angelina''': &lt;big&gt;'''PLEASE?!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Priscilla and Penelope --who bought the last tickets for &quot;The Ballet&quot;-- are seen getting on the bus, humming, as they walk by Angelina and Alice]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[devastated; and about the Pinkpaws twins Priscilla and Penelope]'' I can't believe those horrible twins got the very last tickets!
:'''Priscilla''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, poor Angelina.
:'''Penelope''': ''[teasingly]'' Somebody should buy her an alarm clock.
:''[Priscilla and Penelope both start laughing]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[devastated]'' Those tickets should be ours, Alice. We have to find some way to get them!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Penelope''': ''[smirking]'' Forget it, Angelina! We are not going to trade our tickets for anything! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[When Angelina and Alice arrived at the Theatre Royal, they're both walking up the steps while Angelina carries her suitcase. They both also try a first attempt to see the ballet]''
:'''Alice''': I still don't see why Mimi and Mikel Whiskersev would give us tickets.
:'''Angelina''': Because we're Miss Lilly's star pupils, of course.
:'''Alice''': ''[gasps; sadly]'' I'm not a star pupil.
:''[Angelina enters the Theatre Royal and looks around with Alice following her behind, they quietly walk over to the door. Angelina and Alice try to sneak into the theater, but the ticket vendor catches them. He sees them and wants to know where they're going]''
:'''Ticket Vendor''': ''[off-screen; to Angelina and Alice]'' And where do you think you're going?
:''[Angelina and Alice nervously chuckle and walk away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Angelina and Alice try a second attempt to see the ballet. They both try by dressing up as Ms. Lilly. The ticket vendor sees this, clears his throat, and again wants to know where Angelina and Alice are going]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to the ticket vendor; in a heavy accent]'' I am Ms. Lilly. I have come to see my friends, Mimi and Mikel Whiskersev.
:'''Ticket Vendor''': ''[knows that Angelina and Alice are trying to trick him]'' I see.
:''[Angelina and Alice continue giggling until they trip over and her velvet cloak rips. But in another attempt to see the ballet, they both try to trick the ticket vendor that they are Mimi and Mikel Whiskersev by dressing up in a costume as them from the ballet]''
:'''Angelina and Alice''': ''[groaning in disappointment]'' Oh!
:'''Ticket Vendor''': ''[off-screen]'' Well...! ''[chuckles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Oh, come here. ''[hugs Angelina]'' You tried your best. 
:'''Angelina''': ''[crying]'' Next time (if any other show has no tickets left), I'm going to camp outside the theater all night!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Yes, darling. Of course you are.
:'''Angelina''': ''[crying]'' Maybe all week if I have to!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': I know. ''[hugs Angelina again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[cheerfully]'' Hello!
:'''Angelina''': ''[depressed; in between sobs]'' Hello, Dad...!
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[sits down at the table next to Angelina]'' What's the sad face for?
:'''Angelina''': ''[crying]'' The ballet's on tonight and I'm not going. There are no tickets left.
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[pulls out the tickets from his coat pocket]'' Are you sure? Not even one?
:''[Although Angelina --at first-- thought her &quot;plan&quot; had been cancelled, it turns out that Mr. Mouseling had bought the tickets earlier and forgot to give them to Angelina and her friend Alice before the Pinkpaws twins bought the last tickets.]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasps, as she sees the tickets]'' But, but, but...! ''[enthusiastically, as she hugs her father]'' Oh!
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[chuckles, as he hugs her back]'' Best close tonight, I think. I've got a job for you to do later.
:'''Angelina''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, but my velvet cloak's torn.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[off-screen]'' Not anymore.
:''[Angelina gasps as she sees her velvet cloak all fixed and sewed]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[happily]'' Oh, thanks, Mom!
:''[Mrs. Mouseling puts the velvet cloak on Angelina and twirls around]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': I'll phone Alice's mother and tell them you're on your way.

===Midnight Muddle / Miss Lilly is Leaving [1.4]===
:''[That night, Angelina and Alice are seen inside their tent]''
:'''Angelina''': And then, just as Old Red Whiskers thought he was safe, a great big tabby-cat leapt out and whipped off his tail!
:''[Alice gets scared and covers herself up with a sleeping bag]''
:'''Angelina''': And ever since that terrible night, Old Red Whiskers stalks these gardens in search of fresh cheese and his missing tail...
:''[Alice whimpers too much and hides inside a sleeping bag]''
:'''Angelina''': Oh, Alice. It's just a story, there's no such thing as ghosts. ''[suddenly hears ghostly sounds outside]''
:'''Alice''': ''[gasps; fearfully]'' &lt;big&gt;'''THEN WHAT'S MAKING THAT NOISE?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[suspiciously]'' I don't know. ''[grabs the lantern, as she still continues to hear ghostly sounds]'' But I'm going to find out.
:'''Alice''': &lt;big&gt;'''OH!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[gets out of her sleeping bag and runs after Angelina]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WAIT FOR ME!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Angelina and Alice come out from their tent as Alice shudders. Angelina walks over and peeks over the garden shed]''
:'''Angelina''': There's nothing there.
:''[Alice squeals fearfully and gets Angelina's attention]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[jumps up; to Alice]'' What now, Alice?
:''[Alice points to the shadow on the ground as Angelina notices and walks over to the garden fork with a hat on top that's making the shadow]''
:'''Angelina''': It's only a garden fork. You're such a scaredy-mouse! ''[hears a ghostly wail in the distance]'' He's next door.
:'''Alice''': You can't go in there. Remember what Mrs. Hodgepodge said.
:'''Angelina''': &lt;big&gt;'''OH, ALICE! JUST STAY HERE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Alice whimpers as Angelina walks off to Mrs. Hodgepodge's garden while hearing the ghostly wails in the distance until she walks backwards into a white sheet]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasping]'' &lt;big&gt;'''HELP! GET OFF!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[gasping]'' &lt;big&gt;'''LEAVE ME ALONE!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Angelina gets the white sheet off and falls on the ground, next to Mrs. Hodgepodge's cauliflower and she steps on it by accident while running. Alice sees Angelina running towards her and they both scream and crash into each other and grunt, they both run off, screaming, as the camera zooms into the lantern that Angelina left, turning off by itself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Sammy''': Whoopee! This is fun! Ha ha ha! Oh! Oh! Aah! Ow! Ow! Uhh.
:'''Mrs. Hodgepodge''': Aah! Oh, my prize-winning cauliflower! It's ruined.
:'''Sammy''': Ow! Oh.
:'''Mrs. Hodgepodge''': You nasty little monster. That's taken me four months to grow!
:'''Sammy''': But it wasn't me.
:'''Mrs. Hodgepodge''': I'll be speaking to your parents, Sammy Watts. You won't be riding your bike for weeks!

===Miss Lilly Comes to Dinner / Lucky Penny [1.5]===
:''[At Miss Lilly's dance studio, the mouselings are dancing at the barre]''
:'''Angelina''': And Mom's made a cheese pie!
:'''Alice''': What are you going to wear tonight?
:'''Miss Lilly''': ''[off-screen]'' Good morning, sorry I'm a little late, ''[opens the doors]'' my darlings. I had such a wonderful evening at the Theatre Royal! ''[walks over to Flora]'' Hey, come along, Flora. Pay attention to your position, dear. ''[walks by the mouselings]'' It is a charity gala to raise money for Dacovia, my beautiful homeland. ''[to William]'' Oh, good. Tighten the leg, William. ''[to the mouselings]'' It brought back so many, many memories. ''[turns to Priscilla]'' Excellent, Priscilla. Keep the knee out.
:''[The phone rings in the background]''
:'''Miss Lilly''': ''[walks away from the mouselings]'' Keep going, darlings! Keep going!

===Two Mice In A Boat / The Costume Ball [1.7]===
:'''Angelina''': Please, Mom? I know everyone going! Miss Lilly, Mr. and Mrs. Nimbletoes and you know I love dancing! I can dance as well as anybody!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Oh, Angelina, honestly...
:'''Angelina''': Oh! That's it! If you're going as a queen, and Dad's going as a king, it makes sense that I go as a princess!
:''[Mrs. Mouseling sighs]''
:'''Angelina''': After all, what's a king and queen without their princess? I promise to be good, I won't spill anything. You won't even know I'm there. ''[begging]'' Please?
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[sighs]'' I'm sorry, Angelina. The costume ball is for grownups only, not little mouselings.
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasps, agitated]'' But, Mom, I grew heaps last year!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[firmly]'' Angelina, I said no.
:'''Angelina''': ''[stammers angrily, as she drops the basket]'' Oh, it's, it's not fair! ''[runs into the house]'' It's just not fair!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Oh, Angelina, ''[calling]'' why don't you call Alice? She could come over and stay the night!
:''[The sound of the door is heard shut off-screen. Mrs. Mouseling then shakes her head]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Oh, Mom! Not Mrs. Hodgepodge! Last time she stayed, she kept me awake all night with her horrible snoring!
:'''Alice''': I hope she doesn't bring her cabbage jelly.
:''[Mrs. Mouseling sighs as Mr. Mouseling grunts and he is seen dressed up as a bumblebee]''
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[to Mrs. Mouseling]'' Um, could you give me a hand with my antenna, dear? I-It won't stand up straight. Uh, mmm, ''[turns to Angelina and Alice and then to Mrs. Mouseling]'' a bit of a mix up at the costume shop.
:''[Angelina and Alice both giggle as Mrs. Mouseling laughs and approaches over to him]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Never mind. I can be your queen bee.
:''[Angelina and Alice both laugh again]''
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': Queen bee, yes, very good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': Come on, Alice.
:'''Alice''': Come on, where?
:'''Angelina''': To the costume ball, of course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mr. Mouseling and Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[shocked, in unison]'' &lt;big&gt;'''ANGELINA...?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Mr. Nimbletoes and Mrs. Nimbletoes''': ''[shocked, in unison]'' &lt;big&gt;'''ALICE...?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Mrs. Hodgepodge''': ''[furiously]'' There they are, those, those naughty little runaways!
:''[Angelina starts to cry as she and Alice stare at each other, knowing they've been busted. The next morning, Angelina is seen scrubbing the floor while Alice mops the floor as a punishment]''
:'''Alice''': My back is aching! ''[sighs]'' Oh, this is such hard work!
:'''Angelina''': ''[sighs]'' I'm so tired! Perhaps going to the ball wasn't such a good idea.

===Angelina's Surprise / The Rose Fairy Princess [1.10]===
:'''Miss Lilly''': One, two, three, two, two, Angelina, two, three. Two, two, three...
:''[The mouselings continue dancing until Priscilla and Penelope leap past Angelina and she spins around as she exclaims while trying to keep her balance. Alice twirls her way around]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[agitated; and about the Pinkpaws twins Priscilla and Penelope]'' Those twins are too much.
:'''Alice''': ''[straightens Angelina's pink tutu]'' Don't worry, Angelina. You'll be the best rose fairy princess in all of Mouseland.
:'''Angelina''': ''[smiling; to Alice]'' Thanks.
:''[Angelina and Alice hug, the camera zooms into Angelina's untied ballet shoe]''
:'''Priscilla''': ''[noticing Angelina's ballet shoe is untied]'' Oh, your...!
:'''Penelope''': ''[covering Priscilla's mouth]'' &lt;big&gt;'''SHHHH!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Miss Lilly''': ''[off-screen]'' And again!
:''[Angelina twirls around until she suddenly trips on her untied ballet shoe, topples down to the floor and groans in pain just as Priscilla and Penelope walk over to her]''
:'''Priscilla''': Never mind, Angelina.
:'''Penelope''': After all, you can always join the chorus of dancing flowers.

===Alice's Present / No Match for Angelina [1.11]===
:''[Angelina and Alice are seen sitting next to each other on the bench when Angelina opens up a present, revealing a bag]''
:'''Angelina''': Oh, Alice! It's beautiful!
:'''Alice''': I-I made it myself. You can put all your gym things in it.
:'''Angelina''': Thank you! ''[hugs her]'' Thank you!
:'''Priscilla''': Oh, I didn't know it was your birthday, Angelina.
:'''Penelope''': ''[teasingly]'' Oh-no, and we forgot to buy you a present.
:'''Angelina''': It's not my birthday.
:'''Alice''': Best friends can give each other presents anytime.
:'''Angelina''': ''[puts her bag down on the bench]'' Come on, Alice, it's time for gym!
:'''Mouselings''': ''[chattering, as they follow Angelina and Alice]'' It's time for gym!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[sees that Henry is playing with the hose]'' What are you doing, Henry?! ''[walks angrily to Henry]'' Henry! ''[taking the hose from Henry]''
:'''Henry''': Sorry.
:'''Angelina''': ''[angrily; to William]'' You see William, I don't need friends like... ''[aiming the hose at Alice which water was hitting her again]'' ...Alice!

===Angelina's Valentine's / The Royal Banquet [1.12]===
( ''slurping'' )

:'''Angelina''': I've made Valentine cards for my favorite people. Alice, Henry, Mom, Dad... and this one is for Miss Lilly. &quot;Roses are red, volets are blue. To you, Miss Lilly, my heart will be true.&quot;

===The Gymnastics Championship / Angelina's Baby Sister [1.13]===

:''[All of the chocolate ice cream is sold out.]''
:'''Mrs. Thimble''': ''[to Angelina]'' I am sorry. I just sold the last three scoops of chocolate ice cream.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Angelina comes back home and enters her mother's room]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[sees Polly for the first time]'' Let me see her! ''[sees Polly wrapped up in a blanket]'' Oh, she's so beautiful! Oh, look at her tiny toes! I can't wait to bring her to ballet lessons and I can take her to school and she can even share my bedroom.
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': Well, maybe not quite yet.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[chuckles]'' We're calling her Polly.
:'''Angelina''': Polly? Oh, that's just perfect for her!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Alice and her mother, Mrs. Nimbletoes arrives at Angelina's house]''
:'''Alice''': Oh, hello! How's the baby?
:'''Angelina''': She's crying.
:'''Mrs. Nimbletoes''': Come on, girls, we're going to be late.
:'''Angelina''': But Mom and Dad are taking me. ''[to Mr. Mouseling and Mrs. Mouseling]'' Aren't you?
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': Ah, yes, um, Angelina, I was meaning to tell you your mother is very tired. I need to look after her.
:'''Angelina''': But it's the end of year's show. You always come!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': I'm sorry, darling, but... ''[gently pats Polly's back]''
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': I'll try to get there later for the prize-giving.
:'''Angelina''': ''[scoffs in frustration]'' Bother!
:'''Alice''': Aren't you happy?
:'''Angelina''': ''[unhappily]'' Yes, but ''why'' did the baby have to come today?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Alice''': How's Polly?
:'''William''': Is she walking yet? Can she say her name?
:'''Angelina''': ''[scoffs]'' She can't do anything except cry. She kept me awake all night. ''[falls off the bench]''
:'''Alice''': Isn't that what babies always do? ''[giggles]''
:'''Angelina''': Oh, I'm starving. Dad burnt everything this morning, except the plate.
:''[Angelina opens her lunch box and gasps when she sees Polly's baby bottle in it, then she scoffs]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[angrily]'' That's it, I've had enough! ''[storms off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Polly rolls over as the prize starts rolling over on the bed when it suddenly falls off and lands on the floor with a crash]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasps]'' What was that?
:''[Polly cries as Angelina walks over to the other side of the bed and Polly starts rolling over again]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[horrified]'' Oh, Polly! How could you?!
:''[Mrs. Mouseling opens the door and sees Polly is about to fall and successfully catches her on time before she hit the floor]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[scolding Angelina]'' '''I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER!''' She nearly fell off the bed!
:'''Angelina''': ''[tearfully, holds her broken prize]'' She broke my prize!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[while trying to calm Polly down]'' There, there, it's alright, Polly.
:'''Angelina''': ''[starts crying]'' You just don't care about me anymore, do you? It's all Polly, Polly, Polly!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[In the living room, Mrs. Mouseling is seen rocking Polly to sleep, humming silently while Mr. Mouseling reads the newspaper]''
:'''Grandma and Grandpa''': ''[off-screen, in unison]'' We're here! ''[they enter the living room]''
:'''Angelina''': And Miss Lilly gave it to me for being the most promising dancer of the year.
:'''Grandpa''': Where is she?
:'''Angelina''': In the suitcase. I'll get her out where you can glue her back together.
:'''Grandpa''': ''[laughs]'' No, I meant where's Polly.
:'''Angelina''': ''[furiously]'' '''OH! POLLY, POLLY, POLLY!! I'M SICK OF POLLY!!!''' ''[runs upstairs]''
:'''Mr. and Mrs. Mouseling''': Shhhhh!
:''[Angelina storms up to her room and closes the door, sobbing in frustration]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[lamenting]'' I've changed my mind! I don't want a sister! If there was a baby shop, I'd ask for my money back! ''[continues weeping]''
:''[As everyone continues to adore Polly, the sound of crashing is heard upstairs]''
:'''Grandma''': Whatever is going on?
:''[Polly awakens and starts crying. At the same time, Angelina throws a book and picks up a small green bear and then throws it]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[shrieking]'' Rrrrrrraaaaaaaaahhh!!!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Oh, dear...
:''[Mrs. Mouseling comes into Angelina's room and finds Angelina weeping so hard on her bed]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': Angelina! What's the matter?
:'''Angelina''': ''[sobbing, face buried in her pillow]'' You don't care about me anymore.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[gently]'' Aww, of course I do! ''[Sits on her bed]'' I love you just as much as ever.
:'''Angelina''': ''[yet weeping, face buried in her pillow]'' No, you don't. All you care about is Polly.
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[gently]'' Oh, but that's not true. I love both of you.
:''[Mrs. Mouseling consoles Angelina from her meltdown]''
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[soothingly and petting Angelina's fur]'' Oh, there, there. ''[pets Angelina on the back]'' I know it's been hard. You'll always be special to me, Angelina. You were my very first baby.

==Series 2 (2003)==
===The Old Oak Tree / Lights, Camera, Action! [2.2]===
:''[Mr. Maurice Mouseling, Ms. Lilly, Mrs. Hodgepodge, Mrs. Pinkpaws, and Dr. Tuttle are having a meeting about the oak tree in the mouselings's playground.]''
:'''Mrs. Pinkpaws''': &lt;big&gt;'''I SAY, &quot;IT MUST BE CUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY!&quot; AFTER ALL, MY DARLING (PRISCILLA) LITERALLY BROKE HER ARM! WE DO NOT WANT ANYONE ELSE GETTING HURT! DO WE!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Mrs. Hodgepodge''': ''[to Mrs. Pinkpaws]'' But that tree is over 1,000 years old! 
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': Yes, it is a symbol of village life. Generations of village mouselings have played in it. And they have carved their initials on it. 
:'''Mrs. Pinkpaws''': ''[to Mr. Mouseling]'' Well, I am surprised at you, Maurice! As proprietor of the Mouseling Gazette, you must be more responsible about public safety!
:'''Ms. Lilly''': Can I make a suggestion? Why don't we build a fence around that old oak tree. Then the tree is kept safe. And the little mouselings are kept out of harm's way.
:''[Mrs. Pinkpaws turns to Ms. Lilly.]''
:'''Mrs. Pinkpaws''': ''[to Ms. Lilly]'' Ms. Lilly? You know perfectly well that they just climb over it! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Angelina''': ''[dreamily]'' Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful to be in a movie? Angelina Mouseling: Famous star and prima ballerina! Oh, I can see my name in lights!
:'''Alice''': ''[sees a sign]'' Hey, look at this, Angelina!
:'''William''': ''[reading the sign]'' &quot;Calling all young movie makers! Enter our competition and your movie could be shown at this year's Film Festival!&quot;!
:'''Alice''': Oh, I'd love to be in a movie!
:'''Angelina''': You will be, Alice! We'll enter the competition! I'll play this beautiful, young ballerina who, who breaks her tail and is told she'll never dance again. But, she overcomes her injury.
:'''Angelina, Alice and William''': And becomes the greatest dancer ever!
:'''Angelina''': ''[ecstatically]'' Yes!
:''[Henry giggles]''
:'''Alice''': But, Angelina-
:'''Angelina''': I, oh, I mean, we could make the best movie that Mouseland's ever seen! We're bound to win!
:'''Alice''': There's just one problem, we haven't got a camera.
:'''Henry''': Dr. Tuttle's got one.
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasps]'' You're right, Henry! He has! Come on! We're going to make a movie! ''[dances out of the theater]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The scene cuts to the cedar tree where Angelina is seen trying to put on her ballet costume]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[struggles]'' Henry? Where's Henry?
:'''Alice''': Angelina, Thomasina Tuttle was a poor farmer's daughter and I'm sure she didn't do the dirty farm work, wearing a tutu.
:'''Angelina''': ''[optimistically]'' Oh, don't worry, Alice! I've no intention of getting dirty. How are you doing with the props?
:'''Alice''': Well, I've got the rope and the broom. Now all we need is a tree stump.
:'''Henry''': ''[pointing, while carrying the camera]'' There's one! There's one!
:'''Alice''': And something to be the big hole.
:'''Angelina''': ''[putting her ballet shoes on]'' What big hole?
:'''Alice''': The one Thomasina fell down! ''[reading]'' &quot;She laid there for ages until she-&quot;
:'''Angelina''': ''[interrupting]'' Alice, I'm not spending the whole movie stuck in a dirty, old hole. ''[takes her crown out from her bag]''
:'''Alice''': But that's what happens in the true-
:'''Angelina''': ''[interrupting]'' We'll do my story about the young ballerina who breaks her tail. Sad stories are always the best. Trust me, Alice. ''[puts her royal cape on]'' Do it my way and we'll have the audience in tears!
:'''Alice''': ''[off-screen]'' You bet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[after William saves Angelina who was trapped in a big hole]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[to William]'' I had no idea you were so brave, William!
:'''William''': Nor did I!
:'''Henry''': Oh!
:'''Dr. Tuttle''': ''[arrives at the scene]'' Is this my scene?
:'''Alice''': ''[calling]'' Over here, doctor! Quick!
:''[Dr. Tuttle runs over to Angelina]''
:'''Dr. Tuttle''': ''[dramatically]'' Oh, my dear, Thomasina! Your poor arm! You must be in such pain!
:'''Angelina''': ''[painfully]'' It's Angelina, Dr. Tuttle, and it's my leg. ''[sobs]'' Ow!

===The Silver Locket / Mouse of the Year [2.4]===
:''[Angelina got on her dress, looking at her reflection in the mirror with Alice in her dress on was shown holding a necklace]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[unhappily]'' Oh. Polly's always a nuisance. ''[sees Alice with her necklace in the mirror then turns around in surprise]'' Oh, Alice. You've got a new necklace.
:'''Alice''': ''[giggles]'' Mom and Dad gave it to me.
:'''Angelina''': ''[in surprise]'' Oh! ''[gasps]'' My mom's got some sparkly necklaces. I'll see if I can borrow one! ''[runs out of her bedroom]''
:''[Alice tests her new necklace out]''
:'''Angelina''': ''[enters her parents' bedroom]'' Um, Mom, can I borrow a necklace for the party?
:'''Mr. Mouseling''': ''[off-screen]'' Matilda! I'm going to be late for work!
:'''Mrs. Mouseling''': ''[gasps; calling]'' Coming! ''[to Angelina]'' Don't forget to give Polly her bottle. ''[leaves the bedroom]'' Now have a lovely time!
:''[Angelina sighs then goes to her mom's necklace box and takes out her mom's locket]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[At Miss Lilly's party, Ms. Quaver is playing the piano, while everyone is seen chatting away, having a fun time]''
:'''Priscilla''': ''[sees the silver locket around Angelina's neck]'' Our mother has a much prettier locket than that.
:'''Penelope''': Her's is bigger and it has a diamond in the middle.
:'''Angelina''': Well, this one is very old and very precious. ''[to Alice]'' Come on, Alice. Let's dance.
:''[They both start dancing as Priscilla and Penelope look on in jealously]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[As the party ends, Miss Lilly is seen waving and saying goodbye to everyone as they leave, Angelina is seen strolling Polly in her stroller while Alice grabs one more treat from the snack table]''
:'''Alice''': Oh, oh, wait for me, Angelina!
:'''Miss Lilly''': Goodbye, darling. ''[gives Polly a kiss]''
:'''Angelina''': Thank you for a lovely party, Miss Lilly.
:'''Miss Lilly''': A pleasure, Angelina. So nice to have little Polly here too.
:''[Polly giggles happily]''
:'''Alice''': Thank you, Miss Lilly. ''[to Angelina]'' Oh, Angelina?
:'''Angelina''': Hmm?
:'''Alice''': Where's your silver locket?
:'''Angelina''': ''[gasps loudly, as she puts her hands on her neck]'' It's gone! Oh-no!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Finty Williams|Finty Williams]] as Angelina Mouseling, Aunt Lavender and Mrs. Hodgepodge
* [[w:Jo Wyatt|Jo Wyatt]] as Alice Nimbletoes, Penelope Pinkpaws, Sammy Watts and Henry Mouseling
* [[w:Judi Dench|Judi Dench]] as Miss Lilly
* [[w:Keith Wickham|Keith Wickham]] as William Longtail, Mr. Longtail, Mr. Mouseling, Grandpa Jeffrey and Dr. Tuttle
* Jonell Elliott as Priscilla Pinkpaws and Mrs. Mouseling
* [[w:Adrienne Posta|Adrienne Posta]] as Grandma Sophia
* [[w:Rob Rackstraw|Rob Rackstraw]] as Uncle Louis
* [[Derek Jacobi]] as Mr. Operatski

==See also==
* ''[[Angelina Ballerina: The Next Steps]]''
* ''[[Clifford the Big Red Dog (2019 TV series)]]''

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated drama TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:ITV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>What's New, Scooby Doo?</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>223767</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951605</id>
      <parentid>3951503</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:10:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="7748" sha1="m651i1e2xuwm9hm3lyhlmajgbcp5weh" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:What's new Scoobydoo ?.jpg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:What's New, Scooby-Doo?|What's New, Scooby-Doo?]]''''' is an American animated children's television series part of the ''[[Scooby-Doo]]'' franchise.

==Season 1== 
===There's No Creature Like Snow Creature===
:'''Chris Klug''': But, Avalanche, why?

===3-D Struction=== 
:'''Luis Cepeda''': We would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling ''turistas''.
:'''Shaggy''': Good thing this place doesn't have a meddle detector. Right, Scoob?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. ''[giggles]''

===Space Ape at the Cape===
:'''Velma''': ''[to Elliot]'' That's it!

===Big Scary in the Big Easy===
:'''Daphne''': I wonder how you say &quot;meddling kids&quot; in French?

===Roller Ghoster Ride===
:'''Daphne''': Just rude.

===Safari So Goodie!===
:'''Lloyd''': C'mon, you two, let's see how you like being stuck in the hole.
:'''Honey''': I told you those kids were meddling!
:'''Henry''': No, I told ''you'', and I also told you we should have gone back to Niagara Falls!
:'''Honey''': [[w:Chicken in the Rough (film)|The only thing we can poach there is eggs!]]

===A Scooby Doo Christmas===
:'''Professor''': Well, that gold is rightfully mine.
:'''Ash''': Why? Are you a descendant of Blackjack Brody?
:'''Velma''': No, he's William Fagan Hagansen, a descendant of the man he robbed: Seamus Fagan.
:'''Professor Hagansen''': It's true. Brody robbed my great grandfather, and Christmas is ruined for my family ever since.

===Toy Scary Boo===
:'''Velma''': My little cousin is counting on me to get a Spaceman Swinton action figure for his birthday.

==Season 2==
===The Vampire Strikes Back===
:'''Fred''': Okay, Velma, start singing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Ouch! Get off of me, man!
:'''Man''': Bad beetle!

===Homeward Hound===
:'''Skull''': Quiet! ''Boy'', do I hate dogs?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Skull''': The dogs are gone?!

==Season 3==
===Go West, Young Scoob===
:'''Velma''': [[w:Robots (2005 film)|Freddy, just a robots.]]

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Fred''': Whoa! Hey! [Grabs the tree]'' 
:'''Shaggy''': Yippe-yi-ah! Whoa! Ah! ''[splashing, Shaggy gets wet]''
:'''Scooby''': ''[giggling]''
:'''Velma''': '' 🎶 Came from Alabama / With a banjo on my knee / And I'm going to California / My true love for to see / Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me / 'Cause I'm going to California / With a banjo on my knee / Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me / 'Cause I'm going to California / With a banjo on my knee / Oh, Susannah, don't you... 🎶 ''
:'''Scooby''': Yo! Yo! Giddyap, little dogs! ''[giggles]'' Yeehaw!

===A Terrifying Round with a Menacin' Metallic Clown===
:'''Velma''': ''[sobs and runs away]''
:'''Fred''': Who would've thought your mom would get the only clown in the world who uses a paper shredder as a prop?

===Camp ComeonIwannascareya=== 
:'''Shaggy''': I'm the counselor of cabin 13?

===Gold Paw===
:'''D.I. Payne''': ''[metal rattling with disembodied] Good work, sir!''
:'''Mr. B''': Secret 6?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General''': What are you doing in the secret development lab?!

===E-Scream=== 
:'''Prof. Ostwald''': Be careful out there. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Osomon''': It's fun time. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Fred''': Well, gang, I think we should look for clues. 
:'''Velma''': Um, Fred, isn't there something missing from that plan? 
:'''Fred''': I don't think so. 
:'''Velma''': Splitting up! Ring a bell? You always wanna split up and look for clues. 
:'''Fred''': Really? Well, I think it'd be a lot safer if we stuck together. 
:'''Velma''': ''[confused]'' Okay... 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Daphne''': ''[after being tugged into the Mystery Machine from the flowing water and loses her shoe]'' Thanks, Scooby. 
:'''Fred''': Oh, no, Daphne! You lost your shoe! 
:'''Daphne''': That's okay, I always have a spare. ''[puts a green shoe that doesn't match her usual purple one]'' 
:'''Velma''': Uh, Daphne, your shoes don't match. 
:'''Daphne''': Oh, really? Ha, no big deal. 
:'''Velma''': ''[bewildered]'' No big deal? But you- 
:'''Fred''': Ah... ''[notices the water flooding]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Velma''': I sure would like to trap one of those Osomons, so I could get a better look at their wiring. 
:'''Daphne''': Trap? That's kind of Fred's area, but I'll do my best. 
:'''Shaggy''': Well, how about Scoob and I act as live bait? ''[Scooby nods in agreement]'' We can lead the Osomons in here. 
:'''Daphne''': Perfect! 
:'''Velma''': ''[shocked]'' Wait a second! You ''want'' to be live bait, without even asking for Scooby Snax? 
:'''Shaggy''': Sure! C'mon, Scoob, old buddy. 
:'''Velma''': What is going on here? 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''Shaggy''': ''[One Osomon bites his arms]'' '''''TOINKS!''''' ''[Velma finally realizes that she's still in Prof. Ostwald's virtual reality game after witnessing the gang's characterizations]'' 
:'''Velma''': ''[surprised]'' &quot;Toinks&quot;? I've solved this mystery! 
:''[everything freezes except Velma, reveling it to be part of the virtual reality game]'' 
:'''Prof. Ostwald''': Bravo, Velma, bravo! You figured it out. 
:'''Velma''': There never ''were'' any Osomons. This was all a game you created for me. I never even left your virtual mystery studio, did I? 
:'''Prof. Ostwald''': No, you didn't. ''[turns the game off]'' But I have to know. How ''did'' you figure it out? 
:'''Velma''': Well, you really created a great mystery. But you don't know my friends as well as I do. ''[flashbacks, contrasting the virtual gang's characterizations to the real gang's]'' First of all, Fred always wants to split up. And Daphne - she would never wear shoes that don't match. Shaggy and Scooby wouldn't volunteer to be live bait. And most importantly... 
:'''Shaggy''': Like, TOINKS! ''[flashbacks end]'' 
:'''Velma''':...Shaggy doesn't say &quot;Toinks&quot;, he says, &quot;Zoinks&quot;.
:'''Prof. Ostwald''': Looks like I still have some work to do.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:''[Velma meets up with the real gang after her game]'' 
:'''Shaggy''': Hey! It's Velma. Want some game pops, or some game corn, or maybe some game nachos? 
:'''Velma''': ''[chuckles]'' No, thanks, I'm good. 
:'''Fred''': You've been gone for a while. 
:'''Daphne''': Yeah, where were you?
:'''Velma''': Oh, nowhere special. ''[notices the same zombies from the game; freaks out]'' Oh, no! The zombie kids! They're real! ''[screams, flees away, leaves the gang confused]'' 
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what got into her? 
:'''Fred''': Huh, beats me. 
:'''Daphne''': Those aren't zombies, they've just played too many video games today. ''[the zombies are just real people who got headaches from playing videos games; Shaggy and Scooby play a game with their eyes going red]'' 
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': ''[in zombie voices]'' Scooby-Dooby-Doo...

== See also ==
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:The WB animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Kids' WB shows]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Tutenstein</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>224292</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951886</id>
      <parentid>3880393</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:31:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="2754" sha1="s2tkgflerkwo9wvul7shq4l68qo4gkg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Tutenstein}}''''' is an American animated television series, produced by Porchlight Entertainment for Discovery Kids based on the comics by Jay Stephens. It features young mummy Tutankhensetamun (based on real-life Tutankhamun and usually called &quot;Tutenstein&quot; as in the title) who is awakened about 3,000 years after his accidental death and now must face the fact that his kingdom is gone. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

==Season 1==
===The Awakening===
:'''Luxor''': It's alive! It's....a kid?
:'''Tut''': Nice to meet you, where's the bathroom, I really got to go. Got to go, got to go got to go.... ''[runs for the bathroom and Cleo gasps]''

===The Curse of the Pharaoh===
:'''Cleo''':...jackal demons from the Underworld tried to chew us up!
:'''Tut''': Yeah, well. Stuff happens.

===The Boats of Millions of Years===
:'''Cleo''': Luxor, this movie is so cheesy it's great! What are you so scared about?
:'''Luxor''': That mummy eats brains!
:'''Cleo''': Luxor, get real! Tutenstein's a mummy, he doesn't eat brains!
:'''Luxor''': So far.

===Near Dead Experience===
:'''Tut''': See, your body is trying to expel the hostile demon that's possessed it!!
:'''Cleo''': Yeah, the great demon called Snot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tut''': What is this﻿ yellow pond with the floating dead chicken?
:'''Cleo''': My mom's special cure.
:'''Tut''': Animal sacrifice? Amateurs! ''[throw the bowl out the window]'' That will not save you from your impending doom!
:'''Cleo''': At least I don't have to eat it.

==Special==
===Clash of the Pharaohs===
:'''Tut''': ''[last lines]'' Thank you, Cleo. One more thing, how about a dance?

==Cast==
* Tut Ankh En Set Amun (&quot;Tutenstein&quot;) – {{w|Jeannie Elias}} (seasons 1-2), Donna Cherry (season 3)
* Cleo Carter – {{w|Crystal Scales}} (seasons 1-2), Leah Lynette (season 3)
* Luxor – [[w:David Lodge (voice actor)|David Lodge]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American black animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]
[[Category:NBC animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Sandy Claws (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>225010</id>
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      <id>3951696</id>
      <parentid>3923199</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:08:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="1358" sha1="aqb9h2wc6m2yhg1x5yja70n61wue2qu" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Sandy Claws (film)|Sandy Claws]]''''' is a 1955 animated [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] starring [[w:Sylvester (Looney Tunes)|Sylvester]] and [[w:Tweety|Tweety]]. This short was nominated for an [[w:Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film|Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film]] in 1955, but lost to ''[[w:When Magoo Flew|When Magoo Flew]]''.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|I. Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. Written by [[w:Arthur Davis (animator)|Arthur Davis]] and [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

==[[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]==
* Thsufferin Thuccotash! You didn't have to over do it!

==[[w:Tweety Bird|Tweety]]==
* I tawt I saw a puddytat! I did! I did taw a puddytat!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Sylvester and Tweety.
* [[w:Bea Benaderet|Bea Benaderet]] as Granny. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1955 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set on beaches]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Charlie and Lola (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>226219</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951842</id>
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      <text bytes="58624" sha1="pykb5sgwveeuu1i3lwlzlim4qqjuzw2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Charlie and Lola (TV series)|Charlie and Lola]]''''' is a British [[w:Flash animation|flash-animated]] [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the popular [[w:Charlie and Lola|children's picture book series of the same name]] by [[w:Lauren Child|Lauren Child]]. It aired from 2005 to 2008. The series was produced by [[w:Tiger Aspect Productions|Tiger Aspect Productions]], and has won multiple [[w:BAFTA|BAFTA]] awards. The animation uses a collage style that emulates the style of the original books. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 4 to 11.

==Season 1 (2005)==

===I Will Not Ever Never Eat a Tomato [1.1]===
:'''Lola''': Carrots are for rabbits. I don't ever eat carrots.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': They're not carrots. They're orange twiglets from Jupiter.
:'''Lola''': They look just like carrots to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But I don't eat green things!
:'''Charlie''': Goody! More for me, then.

===I Can Do Anything That's Everything All on my Own [1.2]===
:'''Lola''': Captain Lola saved the day. Captain Lola saved the day. That was fun. ''[giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': The seesaw will not see or saw with only one person.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I can do anything that's everything... I can. ''[buttons her coat inside out]'' I can... I can do my coat all my own. ''[grunts]'' I can... ''[grunts]'' I can... ''[grunts]'' Ah. I can open things all on my own. ''[picks up a banana chip and eats it]''

===I Am Not Sleepy and I Will Not Go to Bed [1.3]===
:'''Charlie''': Everyone in the world is tired at midnight, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Not me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Now will you please hop into bed?
:'''Lola''': Yes, yes, Charlie. I'm hopping. I'm hopping. I'm hopping, hopping.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, now. Dad will be up at any minute.
:'''Lola''': But I am not sleepy, Charlie. Mmm.

===But That is My Book [1.4]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, dad took that book out for you last time. And the time before that.

===There is Only One Sun and That is Me! [1.5]===
:'''Charlie''': Poor, poor Mrs. Hampton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I am a leaf. Not even a green leaf. A brown one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I know absolutely, surely that Mrs. Hampton is going to choose me to be the sun.

===We Do Promise Honestly We Can Look After Your Dog [1.6]===
:'''Lola''': Oh no! There are two Sizzleses.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Dogs must go outside and must walk.
:'''Lotta''': Otherwise, what is the point of the legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': My cereal bowl is now a dog bowl and she has made a dog bed.

===I've Won, No I've Won, No I've Won [1.7]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, have you cheated?
:'''Lola''': Charlie, I've won.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': It's not snap. You've just made up a story.
:'''Lola''': I've won! I've won!

===I Like My Hair Completely the Way it Is [1.8]===
:'''Lola''': If they cut mine shorter than yours, I'll... I'll look like you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's just that some people are supposed to have long hair and I'm one of them.

===I'm Really Ever So Not Well [1.9]===
:'''Lola''': My pink milk tastes green.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Quickly, we're gonna have to cloud-hop.
:'''Lola''': I love cloud-hopping, Charlie.

===I Am Hurrying I'm Almost Nearly Ready [1.10]===
:'''Lola''': I just hurry up slower than you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You see, Lola always finds something else she has to do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, wait. These squares are magic squares, with music.

===Boo! Made You Jump! [1.11]===

===It's a Secret [1.14]===
:'''Charlie''': I have this little sister, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''♪ I know, you don't; I know, you don't! ♪''
:'''Charlie''': She is small and very funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola's not very good at not telling.

===I Love Going to Granny and Grandpa's And It's Just That... [1.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Mum and Dad are taking us to Granny and Grandpa's house by the sea. Lola loves going to Granny and Grandpas' house. Don't you, Lola?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's hard to choose just one pony because what about all the other ponies? They're all so sweet.
:'''Charlie''': Well, you might have time to go on all the ponies if you hurry up. Are you ready?
:'''Lola''': Nearly ready, Charlie. But what about my hoolie hoop?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I need to talk to Mum and Dad every day.

===I Do Not Ever, Never Want My Wobbly Tooth to Fall Out [1.16]===
:'''Marv''': Why don't you want it to fall out?
:'''Lola''': I just need to keep completely all my teeth.
:'''Charlie''': Yes, but everyone gets new teeth, Lola. Those are just your baby teeth and they always fall out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Me and Marv have lost lots and lots of teeth, haven't we? How many is it, Marv?
:'''Marv''': Uh, I think I lost, uh, 54.
:'''Lola''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Charlie''': Maybe not 54, Marv. Maybe, maybe more like 6 or 7.
:'''Marv''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I didn't know there was a special fairy who gives you presents when your teeth fall out!
:'''Lotta''': Yeah.
:'''Lola''': ''[indignant]'' '''WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL THIS BEFORE?!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But now the tooth fairy won't come and I won't get a coin and I won't get my giraffe.
:'''Charlie''': You can... You can write to the tooth fairy and explain.
:'''Lola''': But I don't know how to write in fairy.
:'''Charlie''': Fairies can read every language. Come on, I'll help you.

===Say &quot;Cheese&quot; [1.17]===
:'''Lola''': I can do it, Charlie. Tidy hair, tidy clothes, clean shoes, clean hands and face and then big smiling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Come, Lotta. Let's just play one game of puddles.
:'''Lotta''': I told my Mum I wouldn't jump in any puddles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, so did I.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Water does make you messy, doesn't it?
:'''Lola''': No, water makes you clean.

===I'm Just Not Keen on Spiders [1.18]===
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about the spiders]'' You never know what they're gonna be up to next.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': And there was a time when you didn't even like beetles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, really? Because I can't remember ever not liking beetles because they're so funny.     
:_______________________
:Lola: Hello. Charlie, it's, it's moving!
:Charlie: Hold still, Lola!
:[Lola scream]: AAAGH!!!
:Charlie: Now I'm going to have to find him all over again. Lola, which way did he go?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What do you think his name is?
:'''Charlie''': What do you think it is?
:'''Lola''': Um, Sidney.
:'''Charlie''': He does look like a Sidney. How could you not like a spider called Sidney?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Uh, Lola, should we put them outside now?
:'''Lola''': Not now, Charlie. It's raining. Maybe after we've all had a spiders' tea party.

===Snow is My Favorite and My Best [1.19]===
:'''Lola''': I want snow all the time. Why can't we have snow all the time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Is it snowing yet?
:'''Charlie''': No.
:'''Lola''': When the snow comes, will I hear it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Don't the penguins look smart, Charlie? They look like they're going to a party.

===You Won't Like This Present as Much as I Do! [1.20]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, another thing about presents is you need to choose something that actually exists.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Maybe we can unwrap it a little bit?
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I don't think it's allowed. It's for Lotta, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's not nice to play with someone else's present before you've given it to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': His knees are all funny.
:'''Charlie''': Lola.
:'''Lola''': Do not speak to the doctor, please.
:'''Charlie''': ''[whispering]'' Well, you chose a good present, didn't you?

===I Must Take Completely Everything [1.21]===
:'''Lola''': Without the wand, I can't wish at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How much stuff have you got in here, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Quite a few things. Nearly lots.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': But [[w:Cinderella|Cinderella]] is a pretend story.
:'''Lola''': Yes, but I need to pretend with actual things.

===I Want to Play Music Too [1.22]===
:'''Lola''': I don't want to shush. I want to play music too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oops! Oh.
:'''Charlie''': It takes quite a long time to get good at an instrument. I've been learning for a whole year.
:'''Lola''': But I want to play music now, Charlie.

===I'm Far Too Extremely Busy [1.23]===
:'''Lola''': Hurry up, Charlie. I haven't got time to do stopping.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sorry, Lotta. Mr. Albertine is eating up everything, so I have to go to my other job. Bye.
:'''Lotta''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Would you like to see the dentist?
:'''Charlie''': Now I seem to be at the dentist, when all I want to do is play cards, so I say &quot;Can I have an appointment, please?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Telephone and butterfly. Flip flop.
:'''Charlie''': Flip flop?!
:'''Marv''': Yeah, they're both orange.
:'''Charlie''': That's not flip flop.

===I Want to be Much More Bigger Like You [1.24]===
:'''Charlie''': You see, today is measuring day and every month, Dad measures us to see how big we're getting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I'm trying to stretch myself to make me... bigger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[wearing a set of self-made stilts]'' Measure me now, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the people who run the super duper loop-the-looper will know you're cheating. You'll just have to wait and see if you're big enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay, imagine if we really did change places.
:'''Lola''': Hmm... I have this little brother, Charlie. He is small... and very funny. Sometimes I have to keep an eye on him.
:'''Charlie''': Ooh, ooh, ooh. Can I have some pink milk now, please?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I think I might be slightly too small... still. Perhaps it will be a little more fun if I went on something made for more slightly smaller people.

===My Little Town [1.25]===
:'''Charlie''': You can build buildings and roads and it's called &quot;My Little Town&quot;.
:'''Lola''': It's called &quot;Our Little Town&quot;. Granny and Grandpa gave it to you and me, remember?
:'''Charlie''': I know, Lola, but really it's actually called &quot;My Little Town&quot;. See, if you look on the box...
:'''Lola''': I know! I know! But it's our little town, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': My town doesn't have flowers. It has cars and airplanes and dogs.
:'''Lola''': And big flowers.
:'''Charlie''': My dogs will eat your flowers.
:'''Lola''': Dogs don't eat flowers.
:'''Charlie''': They do in my little town.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why aren't you playing &quot;Our Little Town&quot;, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Because it's not Our Little Town, Charlie. It's your little town. You spoiled it anyway. I don't want to play with you. And I'm colouring.

===But I Am an Alligator [1.26]===
:'''Charlie''': You make a good crocodile, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Oh no, Charlie. This is not a crocodile. This is an alligator. It is my favourite fancy dress costume and it's my best.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, you can't wear an alligator costume all the time.
:'''Lola''': I can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Alligators love frozen prawns.
:'''Charlie''': Shh. Everyone's looking at us.

==Season 2 (2006)==

===It is Absolutely and Completely Not Messy [2.1]===
:'''Charlie''': It's like a whole herd of buffalo have stomped through! It's all messed up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Don't touch my bedtime water!
:'''Charlie''': Yuck. You've had it there for two days. You can't drink this.
:'''Lola''': What if wake up in the middle of the night, absolutely and completely thirsty?

===I Spy with My Little Eyes [2.2]===
:'''Charlie''': At the moment, Lola likes watching what's going on and then pretending to write things down.
:'''Lola''': It's called &quot;spying,&quot; Charlie, and I am noticing things every minute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': There aren't any ogres in this garden because Dad told me.
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I'm sure it is the shoe of an ogre.
:'''Lola''': Well, I don't think it's an ogre shoe.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'm Charlie and this is my little sister, Lola. We live over there. Have you just moved in?
:'''Arnold''': Oh yes. I'm Arnold. Arnold Wolf.
:'''Lola''': Arnold wha? huh? Wolf? I knew it! And is your dad, Mr. Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': And is your mom, Mrs. Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': And you are Arnold Wolf. Arnold Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': This letter is for you. I'm Lola Sonner and I am very pleased to meet you.

===I am Extremely Magic [2.3]===
:'''Charlie''': Watch this, Lola. Abracadabra. Alakazam. Make my pink milk stick like jam.
:'''Lola''': Whoa! That is extremely magic.

===How Many More Minutes? [2.4]===
:'''Lola''': Do minutes go longer when you're not doing anything?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Captain Squidbones''': Why waste your time brushing teeth when you can steal them?

===This is Actually My Party [2.5]===
:'''Lola''': Look, this one's a talking card, from Granny and Grandpa.
:'''Voice from Card''': I'd just like to say happy birthday, before I gobble you up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, it's a telespoke.
:'''Charlie''': Thanks, Marv. I really wanted a telescope. ''[whispers to Lola]'' Lola, please let me unwrap my presents by myself.
:'''Lola''': Okay, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[angry at Lola for ruining his party]'' One, you open all my cards, two, you open my present from Marv, three, you put on music that I don't even like, four, you make everyone play party games, and five, you blow out my candles! This is ''my'' party, not ''your'' party!

===I am Collecting a Collection [2.6]===
:'''Lola''': I want a collection too.
:'''Charlie''': Well, collecting is fun and it's really easy to do, Lola. All you have to do is to think of something you really like and then you start collecting it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's a collection of things that people do need and I can give to them and they'll be very pleased.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's the ptero-thingy.
:'''Charlie''': The [[w:Pterodactyl|pterodactyl]]. It's as big as an actual airplane and it can fly for squillions of miles.

===Lucky, Lucky Me [2.7]===
:'''Lola''': Maybe today I'm absolutely the most luckiest person in the whole world. 
:''♪ Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky me-eee-ee. ♪''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[the movie theatre about to closed]'' Oh, no!
:'''Lola''': What is it, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': There are no more tickets, Lola. They've sold them all.
:'''Lola''': Does that mean we can't see ''Batcat''?
:'''Charlie''': Not today. No.
:'''Lola''': Oh. Oh. I think my luck has gone away now, Charlie. First it was windy and rainy, and then my lucky dress got completely ruined. And then my hat gone blowed away and now we can't see Bat Cat!
:'''NOTE''': The movie in the story &quot;Lucky, Lucky Me,&quot; ''Batcat'', is an obvious reference to the popular character and series of movies, ''[[Batman]]''.

===I Just Love My Shiny Red Shoes [2.8]===
:'''Lola''': Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes, where are you?
:'''Charlie''': Why don't you wear a different pair of shoes?
:'''Lola''': Charlie! They are my extremely, most favorite red shiny shoes. I wear them all of the time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, think really hard.
:'''Lola''': I am, Charlie. I am thinking. am thinking I'm thinking the hardest I can really think.

===My Best Best Bestest Friend [2.9]===
:'''Lola''': I don't think Lotta likes me anymore.
:'''Charlie''': She's your best friend. You do everything together.
:'''Lola''': That was ages ago.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I know. I'll be your friend.
:'''Lola''': It's not the same, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Why not?
:'''Lola''': Because you're already my brother and you're not in my class and you don't sit next to me.

===I Really Wonder What Plant I'm Growing [2.10]===
:'''Lola''': What are you doing, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': I'm growing my own plant. It's a tomato one.
:'''Lola''': Ew. I am not keen on tomatoes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Uh, Charlie, why are you talking to your plant? They don't have ears.
:'''Charlie''': Lots of people talk to plants. Mrs. Finch says it helps them to grow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What will my seed grow into?
:'''Charlie''': We'll have to wait and see.
:'''Lola''': It's a &quot;wait-and-see&quot; seed. ''[giggles]''

===Charlie is Broken! [2.11]===
:'''Lola''': Charlie, why is your arm white and ginormous?
:'''Charlie''': It's my plaster, Lola. It's protecting my arm until it's all better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Soren Lorenson, I'm a bit slightly scared.
:'''Soren Lorenson''': Why are you?
:'''Lola''': Because Charlie isn't Charlie anymore. He is broken.

===I Will Be Especially, Very Careful [2.12]===
:'''Lola''': The shopping trolley has got Lotta's coat!

===Yes I Am No You're Not [2.13]===
:'''Charlie''': I have this little sister, Lola. She is small and very funny.
:'''Lola''': I'm not small.
:'''Charlie''': You are quite small, Lola.
:'''Lola''': No, I'm not, Charlie. I am big. Look. ''[stretches]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Sometimes when we squabble and won't stop, Mom and Dad make us sit on the simmer-down chairs. They're called the simmer-down chairs because sometimes we get boiling mad so we have to sit quietly until we have simmered down.

===I Am Really, Really, Really Concentrating [2.14]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is very excited because it's sports day on Friday and this is Lola's first ever sports day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, did you glue the egg to the spoon?
:'''Lola''': Yes, Charlie. Now it doesn't fall off.
:'''Charlie''': You can't do that. Glue is cheating.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Mrs. Hanson gave me a ribbon because my egg did not fall of my spoon one time.

===Please May I Have Some of Yours? [2.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is really excited because Granny and Grandpa are taking us both to the zoo.
:'''Lola''': Oh, oh! Seals, Charlie, seals!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola is not very good at saving things for later.
:'''Lola''': Yes I am, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': You are not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I want to see the seals.
:'''Charlie''': The anteaters are amazing, Lola. Look... look how long his wiggly nose is. That's for winkling out termites and ants from ant hills.

===Can You Maybe Turn the Light On? [2.16]===
:'''Lola''': I think funny things come out when it's dark and I hear funny noises.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Can I have the night-light on?
:'''Charlie''': You haven't had the night-light on for ages. You know I find it hard to sleep with it on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ogre''': If only someone will come and sing me a song, I'll fall asleep all night long.

===What if I Get Lost in the Middle of Nowhere? [2.17]===
:'''Lola''': ''[singsong voice]'' ''♪ Foxy, where are you? ♪'' I know you're here somewhere, but I can't find you.
:'''Charlie''': Foxy is Lola's toy fox and she's been looking for him since yesterday.
:'''Lola''': ''♪ Foxy, foxy, foxy... ♪''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's completely disappeared, into the middle of nowhere. Oh, I think he is lost.
:'''Charlie''': I'm sure he's not lost. I'll help you find him.
:'''Lola''': Thank you, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': When we get back from school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What does Mrs. Finch always say?
:'''Charlie and Marv''': ''[reciting together]'' If you do get lost, all you have to do is stay still, and someone will come and find you.
:'''Lola''': We could still get lost.
:'''Lotta''': Yes, we could.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You see, we know exactly how not to get lost. 
:''[Lola and Lotta giggle]''

===Welcome to Lolaland [2.18]===
:'''Charlie''': People live all over the world, Lola and they speak lots of different languages. If you go and get the globe, I'll show you where all the different countries are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Hola. Me llamo Marv.
:'''Lola''': Pajama Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What music do people do in other countries?
:''[Marv sighs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola...
:'''Lola''': It's my last question, I promise!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It is time to begin our dancing. The springy, boingy, jumpy dance of Lolaland!
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I love jumping!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Lola, give globo Marv now, now, now!
:'''Lola''': Why didn't you just say so?

===Will You Please Stop Messing About? [2.19]===
:'''Lola''': Well, Mom said we can all watch ''Space Family Hudson'' when we've all done our little jobs.
:'''Charlie''': They're not little jobs. They're big.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'll never be able to watch ''Space Family Hudson'' because on this planet we have to do all the boring jobs ourselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I love sheet-folding. ''[covers herself with one of the sheets]'' Whoo, Charlie! I'm a spooky ghost. Whoo-whoo!

===I Completely Know About Guinea Pigs [2.20]===
:'''Charlie''': What are you doing at the moment?
:'''Lola''': I'm being a guinea pig. Wrink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Come here, Burt! It's all right.
:'''Burt''': Wrink! Wrink!
:'''Lola''': Oh, stop wriggling!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[to Burt]'' If you were my very own guinea pig, I would take you everywhere. I would always take you grocery shopping with Mom. I would take you to the cinema and the library. I would take you everywhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Burt!
:'''Charlie''': Uh-oh.
:'''Lola''': Where is he? Burt is completely, extremely gone!
:'''Charlie''': He can't be completely gone. He's got to be here somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about Burt]'' Maybe he didn't like me. Maybe he's run away.
:'''Charlie''': He didn't run away. He has to be here somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Lots of Burts. Where did they all come from?
:'''Charlie''': Hmm. I don't think Burt is a boy, Lola.
:'''Lola''': What do you mean?
:'''Charlie''': I think Burt has had babies.
:'''Lola''': Ooh. I said he was a girl.

===Never Ever Never Step on the Cracks [2.21]===
:'''Lola''': If you touch any of the deep blue sea, Dad said it will make the sea ticklers come up and tickle your feet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Did the [[w:Bed bug|bedbugs]] bite?
:'''Charlie''': No.
:'''Lola''': I don't want them to bite me, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's not all true, you know. Some things are just superstitions.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': There are no [[w:Bear|bears]], Lola, I promise. No bears, no [[w:Crocodile|crocodiles]], and certainly no [[w:Lion|lions]]. It's only something people say.

===I Will Not Ever Never Forget You, Nibbles [2.22]===
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about Nibbles]'' I just want to hold him for a bit more longer-er.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Tomorrow's our Bring Your Pet to School Day. Marv's bringing Sizzles and I'm gonna bring Nibbles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, Nibbles will definitely be the cleverest pet in the whole school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': When Nibbles is older and bigger, he'll probably be able to do all kinds of tricks.
:'''Lola''': Millions and a hundred of people come to see Nibbles the daredevil mouse.
:'''Charlie''': The first-ever mouse to cross a waterfall on a tightrope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'm afraid, Lola, Nibbles is definitely not going to wake up.
:'''Lola''': You're just not seeing properly, Charlie. ''[gasps]'' Oh. Nibbles is completely not moving, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': All mice are different. That's why they make such good pets.

===Look After Your Planet [2.23]===
:'''Marv''': ''[regarding about his brother; Marty]'' Mom says his room looks like a complete pigsty.
:'''Morton''': A pigsty. ''[snorts]''
:''[Lola giggles]''
:'''Charlie''': He can't be that bad.
:'''Marv''': Ha. Yes he can.
:'''Morton''': He is.
:'''Marv''': We can just peek.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I do not ever never want my room to look like Marty's, so I am throwing everything away.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[explaining the concept of recycling to Lola]'' I suppose it's a way that people can reuse old things in a different and new way.
:'''Lola''': Why?
:'''Charlie''': If we just threw everything away, then we'd all, maybe, be completely buried under a massive huge pile of rubbish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I would love to plant a tree.
:'''Charlie''': Well, you'd better start recycling.
:'''Lola''': Yes, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marty''': Who's been in my room?!
:'''Marv''': Let's get out of here! Quick!

===Too Many Big Words [2.24]===
:'''Lola''': Too many big words, Charlie. I will leave words until later, when I am bigger. Oh, and I don't really think I'll go to school tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, at school, we also have to do writing, which is all loopy, and my loops go all over the paper.
:'''Charlie''': But, Lola, if you learn how to write, you can send letters and cards to people you like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[reading story about the bird; Piccolo]'' &quot;Well, you can fly now,&quot; said his mother. &quot;And you'll be able to sing too. You just have to keep trying.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay.
:'''Lola''': Piccolo is puh... printed in [[w:China|China]]. It costs...
:'''Charlie''': Lola.
:''[Lola giggles]''

===You Can Be My Friend [2.25]===
:'''Marv''': Morton's not a really big talker. Are you, Morton?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Look at me. I'm a grand lady. Clip-clop. Clip-clop. Now I'm a mermaid. ''[sound of bubbling]'' Meow. Meow. And you, Morton, you could be a pirate. 
:''[Lola places a paper hat on his head, but he removes it and she sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Morton, don't you want to play?
:''[Morton shakes his head]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': He didn't say one single word, even. He doesn't like me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What do you think it would be like to be inside a bubble?
:'''Morton''': Bubbly.

===I Wish I Could Draw Exactly More Like You [2.26]===
:'''Lola''': I'm just sharpening my pencil. I like it all pointy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': The walls are all straight. 
:''[Lotta's pencil suddenly breaks and the line goes jagged]''
:'''Lotta''': Oh no! They are not all straight! Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': The walls don't have to be completely exactly straight like your house, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': They do.
:'''Lola''': Oh.
:'''Lotta''': A rule. This will help me be unwobbly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': This is a book of Dad's. It's a book of all different artists. Look at this one. It's by an artist called &quot;Van Goog.&quot;
:'''Marv''': I think it's &quot;Van Goff,&quot; Charlie.

==Season 3 (2007-08)==

===I Really Absolutely Must Have Glasses [3.1]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is thinking about seeing because Mum is taking her to have her eyes tested.
:'''Lola''': At the opstician.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But, you know, Charlie, I can actually see all my shapes and colors very well. I can see my spaghetti and my bowl and my spoon and my pink milk. ''[slurps]'' Ahh! And you. So I really, absolutely do not need to go to the opt... opt... eye-test lady.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Lola, I would like to choose some glasses.
:'''Lola''': I wonder what glasses I would choose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, you're going to the optician's to get your eyes tested. She'll only give you glasses if you really, really need them.
:'''Lola''': But I do need them, Charlie. I absolutely, completely need a pair of lovely glasses that are green. Maybe orange. With pink side-a-bits right here.
:''[Charlie sighs wearily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Wake up, Charlie! Today's the day that I'm going to get my glasses. Come on, hurry up. Mum, Mum!
:''[Charlie sighs grumpily and tucks himself in, hoping to get a bit more sleep]''

===Thunder Completely Does Not Scare Me [3.2]===
:'''Charlie''': If you aren't frightened of storms, then why have you got cushions on your ears?
:'''Lola''': ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;'''BECAUSE, CHARLIE, I'M NOT, BUT MY EARS MIGHT BE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': If you watch the storm, then it's not so scary.
:'''Lola''': But I'm not scared, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': I know you're not scared. That's why we can watch the real storm. It's really exciting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': The rain has gone really loud.
:'''Charlie''': That's because it's not rain anymore... it's hail.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': See? Storms are fun. There's no need to be scared of the thunder.
:'''Lola''': I'm not scared of the thunder, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like the thunder. I'm scared.
:'''Charlie''': Oh, Lola. It's just weather.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the storm has stopped!
:'''Lola''': &lt;big&gt;'''I AM THUNDER!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[laughs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the storm has stopped!

===I Slightly Want to Go Home [3.3]===
:'''Lotta''': I have even got some things for a midnight feast.
:'''Lola''': I can't wait! I can't wait!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': ''[giggles]'' Come on, Lola!
:'''Lola''': ''[pulling a toothpaste]'' Oops!
:'''Lotta''': Why are you brushing your teeth?
:'''Lola''': Because I always do my teeth before my bath. So does Charlie. 
:''[A flashback shows when Lola and Charlie are brushing their teeth in the bathroom]''
:'''Lola''': When do you brush your teeth?
:'''Lotta''': After my bath!
:'''Lola''': Why do you brush your teeth after?
:'''Lotta''': Don't know. Just do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': And we didn't even play &quot;I Went to the Moon.&quot;
:'''Lotta''': What's that?
:'''Lola''': It's a game me and Charlie play at bedtime.
:'''Lotta''': How do you play it?
:'''Lola''': Well, you have to pretend you are going on holiday to the moon. You have to take turns saying funny things to bring.

===I Am Extremely Absolutely Boiling [3.4]===
:'''Lola''': I'm not just hot, Charlie. I am extremely, absolutely boiling. And the only thing that will make me completely not boiling anymore is strawberry ice cream. Yum.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Arnold, could you pant a little bit more quieter, please? Your panting is making me more hot.
:'''Arnold''': Why don't you try panting too?
:'''Lola''': Because I'm not a dog, Arnold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Arnold Wolf is a meanie-pegs.
:'''Marv''': Oh. I'm sure he didn't mean to be a meanie-pegs.
:'''Lola''': Well, he was one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Arnold''': Charlie, would you like to play in my paddling pool. And Lola?
:'''Lola''': Tell Arnold that we're very, extremely happy splashing over here, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Ugh.

===I Can Train Your Dog [3.5]===
:'''Morton''': Hello, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Hello, Morton. Marv says Sizzles is being naughty today. He's not being naughty, is he? He's just a little bit sad because he can't go on his walk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sizzles must have thought the newspaper was a bone.
:'''Marv''': I don't think so, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You're a good dog.
:'''Marv''': Sizzles isn't a good dog.
:'''Lola''': Hmm. He could learn to be good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': No, Sizzles. No howling, or chewing, or naughtiness. Okay?
:''[Sizzles shreds the newspaper into pieces]''
:'''Charlie''': It's no good, Lola. Marv is right.
:'''Lola''': No! Sizzles can do anything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Marv, Sizzles is now a completely, extremely and absolutely good dog.
:'''Marv''': I don't think that's very likely, Lola.
:'''Charlie''': We'll prove it.
:'''Lola''': We'll do a dog show.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Mum! Mum! Sizzles has found your handbag!
:'''Lola''': You're a completely good dog, Sizzles.
:'''Charlie''': Well done, Sizzles.
:'''Marv''': Even though you messed up the whole house. It was worth it because you found Mom's handbag.

===Do Not Ever Never Let Go [3.6]===
:'''Marv''': You'll be much faster on a real bike, Lola.
:'''Lola''': No, Marv. I really like my trike. It is exactly almost nearly like Lotta's trike and it goes exactly as fastest as her trike, so we can tricycle along together at the same exact time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Dad took my stabilizers off.
:''[Lola gasps and moans]''
:'''Lotta''': It's really easy, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Are you holding on, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': Yes, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''[moans]'' Oh, too fast, too fast, too fast. '''TOO FAST!''' ''[gasps]'' The fence, the fence!
:'''Charlie''': Use the brakes, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''[panicking]'' '''WHERE ARE THE BRAKES!? WHERE ARE THE BRAKES!?''' Oh, here. [the brakes stops]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You let go. You promised you wouldn't let go.
:'''Charlie''': Maybe you should put the stabilizers back on.

===Our Shop Sells Everything [3.7]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is playing shops with her friend, Lotta.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Sorry, customer. There are no biscuits.
:'''Lola''': Lotta, we definitely have biscuits in our shop.
:'''Lotta''': Well, we did, but doing shops makes you very nibbly, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Lotta!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I would like to be a fairy, please.
:'''Lola''': ''[whispering]'' I don't think we have a fairy, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': Oh.
:'''Lola''': Oh, wait! Actually, we do have one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Fairies are very difficult customers.
:'''Lola''': Yes. I hope no more fairies go buying in our shop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': ''[recommending an item to Morton]'' What about this?
:'''Lola''': Lotta, all the pictures are all colored in.
:'''Lotta''': But is is really good coloring, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Have fun with your shop.
:'''Lola''': It's not our shop, anymore. It's Morton's shop now.

===I Am Inventing a Usefullish Invention [3.8]===
:'''Lola''': What are you reading?
:'''Charlie''': It's a book about invention.
:'''Lola''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I can. I can invent something. You'll see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': What is it?
:'''Lola''': I am an actual inventor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': So am I really, completely an inventor?
:'''Marv''': You are. You are an actual, factual inventor, Lola.

===But We Always Do It Like This [3.9]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola can't wait. Because we're going to Granny and Grandpa's.
:'''Lola''': And Granny and Grandpa live at the seaside. And you know what we do at Granny and Grandpa's?
:'''Charlie''': Uh... eat ice cream?
:'''Lola''': Pat, pat, pat...
:'''Charlie''': Jump in the waves?
:'''Lola''': Uh… ''[ahem]'' Pat, pat, pat…
:'''Charlie''': Hmm… I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clem''': Shells! ''[places them on sandcastle haphazardly]''
:'''Lola''': No! Not wonky! All straight! Charlie, I don't think it's a very good idea to let Clem do helping, 'cause we always do it together and she's going to spoil it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': So, there are no crosses. 
:''[The road is called beach crosses. The fish like a car in traffic is red stop, green starts to go]''
:'''Lola''': And shops! Don't forget the shops!
:'''Clem''': Yes, shops! ''[The doors opened, and sees hundreds of beach shops]''
:'''Lola''': Wow!
:'''Clem''': Ooh!
:''[Clem giggles. Lola and Clem laughs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's so amazing!
:'''Luke''': Wow!
:'''Hal''': Wow!
:'''Charlie''': ''[gasps]'' The castle!
:'''Clem''': The castle! ''[Lola picked up the sand bucket. Then, he digger some sand circle, Charlie clean the sand castle with his fingers, Lola pulls out of the sand castle]'' More windows. ''[He collected some shells]''
:''[The big castle is very big. He ran upstairs to the top of the castle outside]''
:'''Hal''': How do we get out?
:'''Charlie''': There's our drawbridge.
:'''Lola''': Charlie! Put the crab in his castle.
:'''Charlie''': Oh, yes! The crab! ''[Hal giggles]'' There you are. A whole sand city.
:'''Luke''': It's amazing.
:'''Hal''': It really is.
:'''Lola''': Let's get grandpa to take a picture of all of us and the crab and the city.
:'''Charlie''': Yes!
:'''Lola''': Grandpa! Come take a picture!
:'''Hal''': Clem, come here.
:'''Clem''': I'm coming!
:'''Luke''': Should out!
:'''Lola''': Say &quot;cheese&quot;.
:'''All''': Cheese! ''[A camera is a picture]''
:'''Luke''': Bye!
:'''Charlie''': Bye!
:'''Hal''': See ya.
:'''Clem''': Bye, Charlie!
:'''Lola''': Bye!
:'''Charlie''': See you next year!
:'''Hal''': Yes, we well.
:'''Luke''': See you then!
:'''Clem''': Bye, Lola!
:'''Hal''': Can't wait!
:'''Clem''': Bye, Lola.

===I Can't Stop Hiccuping! [3.10]===
:'''Charlie''': Oh, Lola, you've given yourself the hiccups.
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' I can't... ''[hiccups]'' ...help it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Do you like my tower, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Hmm. 
:''[Lola hiccups, knocking the tower down]''
:'''Lotta''': You hiccuped down my tower.
:'''Lola''': Sorry, Lotta. It was an accident.
:'''Mini''': You should do my hopping.
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' I can't keep doing hopping.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How did they start?
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' Lotta made me laugh. ''[hiccups]''
:'''Charlie''': Hmm, I'll tell you what. Why don't you two try to make laugh, so that I could catch your hiccups? If I catch them, then you won't have them anymore. See?
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' Oh, alright!
:'''Lotta''': Um… ''[he thinks. Blows his raspberries]''

===I Am Completely Hearing and Also Listening [3.11]===
:'''Lola''': ''[as Elephant]'' He's very big, isn't he? ''[giggles; as herself]'' Look, it's a puppet. Did you think it was really an elephant, Charlie?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Are you listening, Lola? Lola, I don't think you were listening.
:'''Lola''': Yes, I was, Charlie. But Elephant is an actual puppet, and he knows all about puppet theaters, so he told me exactly just where to glue it.
:'''Charlie''': But you've left a piece out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You didn't listen. You never listen.
:'''Lola''': I do, Charlie. I am absolutely hearing and also listening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What time are we supposed to get there, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Hmm. 5 o'clock. Yes. 5 o'clock. That's what Arnold said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But you said 5 o'clock.
:'''Arnold''': No. You couldn't have listened properly. I said come early for teatime. And then your Mum and Dad to pick you up at 5 o'clock. Everyone's gone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sometimes I don't think I always listen very hard enough.
:'''Charlie''': That's true, Lola. But I know you can.

===But I Don't Really Like This Present [3.12]===
:'''Lola''': Charlie! ''[whining]'' Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': What is it, Lola? ''[notices the garishly colorful hat Lotta got for Lola]'' Oh.
:'''Lola''': I don't want my present from Lotta.
:'''Charlie''': It's very, um, bright. What don't you like about it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But I don't like it, Charlie. And I don't want to wear it.
:'''Charlie''': Don't you think Lola will be a bit sad. You did tell her you'd wear it all the time.
:'''Lola''': But I really, absolutely don't like it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I can't wait to show everyone at school the beautiful bracelet you got me from holiday, Lola. You will wear your hart to school too, won't you?
:'''Lola''': Oh, yes, yes, I'll wear it tomorrow. Bye, then.

===I Can Dance Like a Dancer [3.13]===
:'''Lola''': Country dancing makes me a bit dizzy and I don't think it's my favorite.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I'm an ever-so-good dancer. Look. This is my drinking-pink-milk dance. ''[blows bubbles, taps and giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I do ballet dance after school. You can come over for a try.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I like ballet, but it's too floaty for me. And tap dancing's good, but it's too shuffly and not enough tapping. I don't think I'm ever going to be a good dancerer.

===Help! I Really Mean It! [3.14]===
:'''Lotta''': Hello, Caspar the cat.
:'''Lola''': You can come in, Lotta, but you just have to open the door a tiny bit. It's called &quot;Caspar's not allowed out, or he might run away.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Did you know, Lotta, that Caspar was actually a [[w:Tiger|tiger]]?
:'''Lotta''': Yes, a tiger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Caspar, where are you?
:'''Charlie''': You haven't lost him, have you?
:'''Lola''': No, he just didn't really want to ride in my pram.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': &lt;big&gt;'''HELP, CHARLIE, HELP!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Why isn't Charlie coming, Lola?
:'''Lola and Lotta''': &lt;big&gt;'''HELP!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sniffles]'' I told you I need you, Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': But I didn't believe you because you keep shouting &quot;help&quot; when you don't mean it.
:'''Lola and Lotta''': Sorry, Charlie and Marv.

===I Would Like to Actually Keep It [3.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, who are you talking to?
:'''Lola''': Foxy, of course. ''[as Foxy]'' Hello, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What's the matter, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Well, I'm worrying about the rabbit. He's still there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Hello, Charlie, it's Lotta. Has anybody rung about Rabbit yet?
:'''Charlie''': No, not yet.
:'''Lola''': Lotta, you have to get off the telephone. Somebody might be calling.
:'''Lotta''': Oops, sorry. Bye.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Rabbit is actually a very fast and very clever rabbit. I don't know why somebody hasn't called for him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about the stuffed rabbit's owner]'' Well done, Lola. He was really happy.
:'''Lola''': Yes! He was really happy because I looked after his rabbit really well.

===It's Raining, It's Boring [3.16]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola's excited because mum and dad are going out, so we're going 'round to Marv's.
:'''Lola''': No, we're going over to the park to play with Sizzles all day long.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like it when it rains.
:'''Charlie''': It's not that bad, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': What's this?
:'''Lola and Charlie''': What does it say?
:'''Marv''': ''[reading]'' &quot;Is it raining?&quot;
:'''Charlie''': Yes.
:'''Marv''': &quot;Are you really bored?&quot;
:'''Lola''': Yes!
:'''Marv''': &quot;Well, open this box and you won't be bored anymore.&quot;
:'''Lola''': Open the box! Open the box!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like these rainy day games. You said it was going to be fun, but it wasn't. I'm going to play with Sizzles.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We didn't finish the rain race in time.
:'''Marv''': But we did find an even better game for the rainy day box.
:'''Charlie''': Yeah. Lola's story game.

===I am Goody the Good [3.17]===
:'''Charlie''': At the moment, Lola's absolute favorite books are all about a girl called Goody.
:'''Lola''': Goody the Good, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Sorry, Lola. Goody the Good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': She helps a turtle to get the right way up again.
:'''Goody''': Happy to help.
:'''Lola''': Happy to help. Happy to help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': To beat Marv, you must do lots of eating to be big and strong. So I'll help you to choose some grapes.
:'''Charlie''': Um, thanks Goody. Mmm.
:'''Lola''': Happy to help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why did you eat my broccoli?
:'''Lola''': Certainly, I was helping you, Charlie, because you don't like broccoli.
:'''Charlie''': I love broccoli, Lola.
:'''Lola''': I was only being helpful, like Goody.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You've ruined my mountains!
:'''Lola''': It's not ruined, Charlie. If you look at it like this, it looks actual wet snowy.

===What Can I Wear for Halloween? [3.18]===
:'''Charlie''': Tomorrow night is [[w:Halloween|Halloween]].
:'''Lola''': Whoo! Whoo!
:'''Charlie''': So there's going to be a special party at school. We've all got to wear Halloween costumes.
:'''Lola''': Are you going to dress up, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': I am dressed up, Lola. I'm a wizard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I knew everyone would be going as a wicked witch.
:'''Lotta''': Not me. I'm going as a wiggly, hairy monster with eyes that are all woggly wobbly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': That is actually the biggest pumpkin I've ever seen.
:'''Lola''': It is as big and orangey as the sun.
:'''Lotta''': Mmm. And when my dad does the face, it's gonna be the best pumpkin lantern in the whole of Halloween.
:'''Lola''': Yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sighs]'' I still don't know what to go as, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Uh, why don't you dress up as a... wolf?
:'''Lola''': Unh unh. Arnold Wolf is going as a wolf.
:'''Charlie''': What about a deep sea monster that's all made out of seaweed?
:'''Lola''': Blah! Too slimy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Still no idea what to dress up as, Lola?
:'''Lola''': I can't think of anything extremely scary, Marv.
:'''Charlie''': I told you, Lola. It doesn't have to be scary.
:'''Marv''': Yes, it does. It has to be totally terrifying.
:'''Charlie''': It doesn't have to be scary. It'd just better be quick. It's not long until the party.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Are you ready?
:'''Lola''': ''[giggles]'' Yes, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Okay, everyone. Behold our very own Halloween pumpkin! The biggest, orangiest pumpkin in the whole of Halloween!

===But Marv is Absolutely Charlie's Best Friend [3.19]===
:'''Marv''': I wish we could watch ''Pirate Squidbones'' all day.
:'''Charlie''': So do I. ''[imitating Squidbones]'' You good-for-nothing jellyguts!
:'''Marv''': ''[also imitating Squidbones]'' Not as much as I do, you wretched limpet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[having overheard part of Charlie and Marv's fake Squidbones argument]'' I have ever, never heard Charlie and Marv be cross before, ever.
:'''Lotta''': Maybe we should get Charlie and Marv to do a making-up card.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oh no. Marv's got a new best friend.
:'''Marv''': These biscuits are the best.
:'''Jack''': They're my best, too. You like all the same things I do.
:'''Lotta''': ''[whispering]'' They're definitely best friends because they like the same biscuits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': ''[on the telephone]'' Just tell Charlie he's a mean jellyguts.
:''[Lola gasps]''
:'''Marv''': Bye, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Oh.
:'''Lotta''': Don't tell Charlie he's a mean jellyguts.
:'''Lola''': Oh no, I won't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about himself and Marv]'' Oh, Lola, we're the best friends ever.
:'''Marv''': ''[chuckles]'' Lola.
:'''Charlie''': We've just been playing Squidbones.

===I Am Making a Craze [3.20]===
:'''Lola''': Would you like to do some real, actual skipping now?
:'''Lotta''': No, because I have to practice my hulie-skipping.
:'''Lola''': Oh. What about hide and seek?
:'''Lotta''': No thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Hi, Lola. Why aren't you playing with your hulie-hoop?
:'''Lola''': Why is everyone doing hulie-hooping and not anything but hulie-hooping?
:'''Charlie''': Because it's a craze, Lola.
:'''Lola''': How long does a craze go on for, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': Until the next craze comes along.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What are you doing, Lola?
:'''Lola''': I'm making a craze, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You can even play cuppy catch ball with two people. That's called &quot;twosies.&quot;
:'''Charlie''': Hey, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': If we did it with our eyes closed, we could call it &quot;sleeping twosies.&quot; ''[throws the ball with her eyes closed, but it doesn't come anywhere close to the cup]'' Oh.
:'''Charlie''': Or &quot;dropsies.&quot;

===But Where Completely Are We? [3.21]===
:'''Lola''': I would quite like to be an explorer. Why don't we go now?
:'''Charlie''': All the exploring places are really far away and you have to take water and food for surviving.
:'''Lola''': We can do that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Mum gave me some raisins in case we get really hungry out in the wild. And dad said he'll come down if we need some help with the tent.
:'''Charlie''': We won't need any help, Lola, because we're explorers.
:'''Lola''': I know. Where are we going?
:'''Charlie''': We're going through blizzards and tropical rain.
:'''Lola''': And jump over biggish rocks.
:'''Charlie''': We may even have to wade through rivers. But we'll keep on going and going until we get there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We can't just go back home every time you want something.
:'''Lola''': Can't we?
:'''Charlie''': No. That's cheating. We're in a wild and faraway place, remember? And we have to find our own food.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[popping out of a bush]'' Lola, it's me!
:'''Lola''': Oh! I thought you were a tiger!
:'''Charlie''': Sorry, Lola. I was just foraging for food in the bush.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I definitely don't like explorer camping. It's wet and it's cold. I don't like it! Please. ''[sniffles]'' Can we just go inside, please?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Day one-- talked to a [[w:Parrot|parrot]] and saw... 23 [[w:Orangutan|orangutans]]. Lola, when are you going to tidy your side of the camp?
:'''Lola''': Not now, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Where are you going?
:'''Lola''': Foraging.
:'''Charlie''': Foraging for what? Giant coconuts?
:'''Lola''': No. Cheese, from the fridge.

===I Really, Really Need Actual Ice Skates [3.22]===
:'''Lola''': Hi, Morton!
:'''Morton''': I'm a very good scooterer.
:'''Marv''': But not a very good stopperer. You'd better take it inside, Morton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I love ice skating!
:'''Morton''': So do I.
:'''Lola''': So do I.
:'''Charlie''': Lola's never been ice skating before.
:'''Marv''': Neither has Morton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I really do think I absolutely and extremely must have my own skates.
:'''Charlie''': But we're getting the scooters tomorrow with dad.
:'''Lola''': I'm going to have real ice skates instead of the scooter, Charlie, because then I will be a very good and very twirylish ice skater.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Dad said I must be very, very good and promise not to change my mind and that he doesn't want to find my skates in the bottom of the cupboard.
:'''Charlie''': Mmm.

===I Am Going to Save a Panda [3.23]===
:'''Lotta''': And we can save the... [[w:Giraffe|giraffes]].
:'''Marv''': Giraffes?
:'''Lola''': Yes. 'Cause sometimes, because they're so tall, giraffes get their heads stuck in the clouds.
:'''Lotta''': Oh-no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We're helping the endangered animals by raising money for them.
:'''Lola''': Are we going to buy them a present?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I think I would like to save a [[w:Giant panda|panda]].
:'''Lotta''': &lt;big&gt;'''YES, YES, YES!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay. Let's save the pandas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I'm definitely going to save a giant panda tomorrow because I can hop forever. Hop!

===I've Got Nobody to Play With [3.24]===
:'''Lola''': ''[talking on the telephone]'' Hello? Oh, hello, Lotta's mum. Lotta has a cold? But she could still come, though. (Signs) But I like germs. Okay. Bye, Lotta's mum.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': And now I was wondering if you would like maybe to come upstairs and do some coloring with me.
:'''Morton''': Oh, no! I can't, Lola. I've got to go to the vet with my mum. She says Sizzles has got bad breath. 
:''[Sizzles barks]''
:'''Lola and Morton''': '''EWW!'''
:'''Morton''': It's smelly. Sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Where are you hiding?
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I'm in the cave. Can't you see me?
:'''Lola''': Of course I can see you, Soren Lorenson! Come out. We've got a very big mountain to climb, made out of pillows.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Aw. A magic forest in our bedroom. Can I play?
:'''Lola''': Well... okay.

===It is Very Special and Extremely Ancient [3.25]===
:'''Lola''': That's a stone, Charlie. A brown stone.
:'''Charlie''': It's very, very amazing and special.
:'''Lola''': Is it a very special stone from the garden?
:'''Charlie''': No, Lola. This stone is ancient. It's really, really, really old.
:'''Lola''': Did it come from Granny's garden? Granny's very, very old. She's older than even 25.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': So how did a fosskil get into the stone?
:'''Charlie''': Fossil, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Lola, do you think we can start a fossil collection together, you and me?
:'''Lola''': Yes, Lotta. I think that is an extremely and good idea.
:'''Lotta''': So do I.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': A fossil of a...
:'''Lola''': ..fish!
:'''Lotta''': Yes! A very old, swimmy fish.
:'''Charlie''': It's an ice-lolly stick, Lola.

===I Wish I Could Do That And Also That Too [3.26]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola is really excited because...
:'''Lola''': My friend from school is coming to play.
:'''Charlie''': Not Lotta?
:'''Lola''': No, not Lotta. Someone completely else, who's never come to tea before.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mini''': A skipping rope made of lovely and pretty beads.
:'''Lola''': Ooh.
:'''Mini''': You know, Lola, only actual queens skip with skipping ropes made out of beads.
:'''Lola''': Lotta will love our queen skipping rope made all out of beads.
:'''Mini''': We can show her at school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Okay, what about &quot;Sorry, I can't come to your house for tea 'cause my fish is ever so not well.&quot;
:'''Lotta''': But you don't have a fish, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mini''': You were invited to a real space party?! Why didn't you go?
:'''Lola''': Because if I went to Marv's party, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be able to do beads with you.
:'''Mini''': Oh. Marv's having a real space party, but you still came here to my house. Thank you, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I know! Let's do our own space party! And beads... let's do space beads!

==Specials==

===How Many More Minutes Until Christmas?===
:'''Lola''': ''[gasps]'' The horse with twigs on his head!
:'''Charlie''': ''[giggles]'' That's a reindeer, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about [[w:Father Christmas|Father Christmas]]]'' Oh, and he always brings a tangerine.
:'''Lola''': Why does he always bring a tangerine?
:'''Charlie''': I don't know. 'Cause they are really boring.
:'''Lola''': ''[showing Charlie a Christmas card]'' That is my card for Lotta.
:'''Charlie''': That's really nice, Lola. What is it?
:'''Lola''': It's &quot;Away in a Manger&quot; with [[w:Christ Child|Baby Jesus]]. Lotta really likes that song, especially the bit where the cattle are lowing. Uh... What is lowing, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': It's like mooing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oh, Charlie, I'm very excited! We can post our letter to Father Christmas on our way to school tomorrow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lola finds out Lotta had received her letter to Father Christmas by mistake.]''
:'''Lola''': Oh, no, Lotta! That's my letter to Father Christmas! And if you have got my letter to Father Christmas, that means Father Christmas won't know about my purse on a string, and he won't know that I really want Granny and Grandpa to come, and he won't bring the special surprise to Charlie! ''[gasps]'' Maybe he won't come at all! ''[sobbing like a 3 year old]'' WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[as the telephone rings]'' Ooh. That might be Father Christmas, to tell me he's got my letter.
:''[Charlie giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': How many more minutes until Christmas?
:'''Charlie''': Just time for some Christmas carols and then tomorrow it will be Christmas.
:''[Lola giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I told Mom all about the sky paper and how we saved Christmas, Charlie, and she said were very extremely clever.

===Everything is Different and Not the Same===
:'''Lola''': Everything needs to be exactly, extremely right going back to school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[teaching Lola how to tie a shoelace]'' Over the top and down below, make a loop and away you go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What's a conker?
:'''Marv''': You know what a conker is, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Mmm-mnh.
:'''Marv''': Conkers are the best thing that happen in autumn or maybe they're the best thing all year.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Our new desk is funny.
:'''Lola''': It even smells funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sighs wearily]'' My new tights keep crinkling. I like my old tights. Ugh. And my shoelace has come undone. It's all because of autumn. Everything is different and not the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Autumn is going all wrong. Everything is different and not the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why won't you come out?
:'''Lola''': We're hidinggating.
:'''Charlie''': Why are you hibernating, Lola? Only animals are supposed to do that.
:'''Lola''': Lotta and I are not coming out until spring.
:'''Lotta''': Yep.
:'''Lola''': Everything is different and wrong in autumn, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Where's your itchy scarf, Lotta?
:'''Lotta''': ''[whispers]'' Don't tell anyone, but I hid it in the time capsule.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''♪ Autumn, autumn, autumn! ♪''
:'''Charlie''': I thought you didn't like autumn because everything changes!
:'''Lola''': I changed my mind!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Ben Small (actor)|Ben Small]] as Charlie Sonner.
* [[w:tara strong|tara strong]] as Lola Sonner.
* [[w:Tim Whitnall|Tim Whitnall]] as Marv.
* [[w:Teresa Gallagher|Teresa Gallagher]] as Lotta.
* [[w:Keith Wickham|Keith Wickham]] as Soren Lorenson.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

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[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:UK TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
[[Category:Disney Junior shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Charlie and Lola (TV series)|Charlie and Lola]]''''' is a British [[w:Flash animation|flash-animated]] [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] based on the popular [[w:Charlie and Lola|children's picture book series of the same name]] by [[w:Lauren Child|Lauren Child]]. It aired from 2005 to 2008. The series was produced by [[w:Tiger Aspect Productions|Tiger Aspect Productions]], and has won multiple [[w:BAFTA|BAFTA]] awards. The animation uses a collage style that emulates the style of the original books. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Season 1 (2005)==

===I Will Not Ever Never Eat a Tomato [1.1]===
:'''Lola''': Carrots are for rabbits. I don't ever eat carrots.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': They're not carrots. They're orange twiglets from Jupiter.
:'''Lola''': They look just like carrots to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But I don't eat green things!
:'''Charlie''': Goody! More for me, then.

===I Can Do Anything That's Everything All on my Own [1.2]===
:'''Lola''': Captain Lola saved the day. Captain Lola saved the day. That was fun. ''[giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': The seesaw will not see or saw with only one person.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I can do anything that's everything... I can. ''[buttons her coat inside out]'' I can... I can do my coat all my own. ''[grunts]'' I can... ''[grunts]'' I can... ''[grunts]'' Ah. I can open things all on my own. ''[picks up a banana chip and eats it]''

===I Am Not Sleepy and I Will Not Go to Bed [1.3]===
:'''Charlie''': Everyone in the world is tired at midnight, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Not me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Now will you please hop into bed?
:'''Lola''': Yes, yes, Charlie. I'm hopping. I'm hopping. I'm hopping, hopping.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, now. Dad will be up at any minute.
:'''Lola''': But I am not sleepy, Charlie. Mmm.

===But That is My Book [1.4]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, dad took that book out for you last time. And the time before that.

===There is Only One Sun and That is Me! [1.5]===
:'''Charlie''': Poor, poor Mrs. Hampton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I am a leaf. Not even a green leaf. A brown one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I know absolutely, surely that Mrs. Hampton is going to choose me to be the sun.

===We Do Promise Honestly We Can Look After Your Dog [1.6]===
:'''Lola''': Oh no! There are two Sizzleses.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Dogs must go outside and must walk.
:'''Lotta''': Otherwise, what is the point of the legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': My cereal bowl is now a dog bowl and she has made a dog bed.

===I've Won, No I've Won, No I've Won [1.7]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, have you cheated?
:'''Lola''': Charlie, I've won.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': It's not snap. You've just made up a story.
:'''Lola''': I've won! I've won!

===I Like My Hair Completely the Way it Is [1.8]===
:'''Lola''': If they cut mine shorter than yours, I'll... I'll look like you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's just that some people are supposed to have long hair and I'm one of them.

===I'm Really Ever So Not Well [1.9]===
:'''Lola''': My pink milk tastes green.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Quickly, we're gonna have to cloud-hop.
:'''Lola''': I love cloud-hopping, Charlie.

===I Am Hurrying I'm Almost Nearly Ready [1.10]===
:'''Lola''': I just hurry up slower than you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You see, Lola always finds something else she has to do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, wait. These squares are magic squares, with music.

===Boo! Made You Jump! [1.11]===

===It's a Secret [1.14]===
:'''Charlie''': I have this little sister, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''♪ I know, you don't; I know, you don't! ♪''
:'''Charlie''': She is small and very funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola's not very good at not telling.

===I Love Going to Granny and Grandpa's And It's Just That... [1.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Mum and Dad are taking us to Granny and Grandpa's house by the sea. Lola loves going to Granny and Grandpas' house. Don't you, Lola?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's hard to choose just one pony because what about all the other ponies? They're all so sweet.
:'''Charlie''': Well, you might have time to go on all the ponies if you hurry up. Are you ready?
:'''Lola''': Nearly ready, Charlie. But what about my hoolie hoop?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I need to talk to Mum and Dad every day.

===I Do Not Ever, Never Want My Wobbly Tooth to Fall Out [1.16]===
:'''Marv''': Why don't you want it to fall out?
:'''Lola''': I just need to keep completely all my teeth.
:'''Charlie''': Yes, but everyone gets new teeth, Lola. Those are just your baby teeth and they always fall out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Me and Marv have lost lots and lots of teeth, haven't we? How many is it, Marv?
:'''Marv''': Uh, I think I lost, uh, 54.
:'''Lola''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Charlie''': Maybe not 54, Marv. Maybe, maybe more like 6 or 7.
:'''Marv''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I didn't know there was a special fairy who gives you presents when your teeth fall out!
:'''Lotta''': Yeah.
:'''Lola''': ''[indignant]'' '''WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL THIS BEFORE?!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But now the tooth fairy won't come and I won't get a coin and I won't get my giraffe.
:'''Charlie''': You can... You can write to the tooth fairy and explain.
:'''Lola''': But I don't know how to write in fairy.
:'''Charlie''': Fairies can read every language. Come on, I'll help you.

===Say &quot;Cheese&quot; [1.17]===
:'''Lola''': I can do it, Charlie. Tidy hair, tidy clothes, clean shoes, clean hands and face and then big smiling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Come, Lotta. Let's just play one game of puddles.
:'''Lotta''': I told my Mum I wouldn't jump in any puddles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, so did I.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Water does make you messy, doesn't it?
:'''Lola''': No, water makes you clean.

===I'm Just Not Keen on Spiders [1.18]===
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about the spiders]'' You never know what they're gonna be up to next.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': And there was a time when you didn't even like beetles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, really? Because I can't remember ever not liking beetles because they're so funny.     
:_______________________
:Lola: Hello. Charlie, it's, it's moving!
:Charlie: Hold still, Lola!
:[Lola scream]: AAAGH!!!
:Charlie: Now I'm going to have to find him all over again. Lola, which way did he go?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What do you think his name is?
:'''Charlie''': What do you think it is?
:'''Lola''': Um, Sidney.
:'''Charlie''': He does look like a Sidney. How could you not like a spider called Sidney?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Uh, Lola, should we put them outside now?
:'''Lola''': Not now, Charlie. It's raining. Maybe after we've all had a spiders' tea party.

===Snow is My Favorite and My Best [1.19]===
:'''Lola''': I want snow all the time. Why can't we have snow all the time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Is it snowing yet?
:'''Charlie''': No.
:'''Lola''': When the snow comes, will I hear it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Don't the penguins look smart, Charlie? They look like they're going to a party.

===You Won't Like This Present as Much as I Do! [1.20]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, another thing about presents is you need to choose something that actually exists.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Maybe we can unwrap it a little bit?
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I don't think it's allowed. It's for Lotta, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's not nice to play with someone else's present before you've given it to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': His knees are all funny.
:'''Charlie''': Lola.
:'''Lola''': Do not speak to the doctor, please.
:'''Charlie''': ''[whispering]'' Well, you chose a good present, didn't you?

===I Must Take Completely Everything [1.21]===
:'''Lola''': Without the wand, I can't wish at all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How much stuff have you got in here, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Quite a few things. Nearly lots.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': But [[w:Cinderella|Cinderella]] is a pretend story.
:'''Lola''': Yes, but I need to pretend with actual things.

===I Want to Play Music Too [1.22]===
:'''Lola''': I don't want to shush. I want to play music too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oops! Oh.
:'''Charlie''': It takes quite a long time to get good at an instrument. I've been learning for a whole year.
:'''Lola''': But I want to play music now, Charlie.

===I'm Far Too Extremely Busy [1.23]===
:'''Lola''': Hurry up, Charlie. I haven't got time to do stopping.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sorry, Lotta. Mr. Albertine is eating up everything, so I have to go to my other job. Bye.
:'''Lotta''': Huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Would you like to see the dentist?
:'''Charlie''': Now I seem to be at the dentist, when all I want to do is play cards, so I say &quot;Can I have an appointment, please?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Telephone and butterfly. Flip flop.
:'''Charlie''': Flip flop?!
:'''Marv''': Yeah, they're both orange.
:'''Charlie''': That's not flip flop.

===I Want to be Much More Bigger Like You [1.24]===
:'''Charlie''': You see, today is measuring day and every month, Dad measures us to see how big we're getting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I'm trying to stretch myself to make me... bigger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[wearing a set of self-made stilts]'' Measure me now, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the people who run the super duper loop-the-looper will know you're cheating. You'll just have to wait and see if you're big enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay, imagine if we really did change places.
:'''Lola''': Hmm... I have this little brother, Charlie. He is small... and very funny. Sometimes I have to keep an eye on him.
:'''Charlie''': Ooh, ooh, ooh. Can I have some pink milk now, please?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I think I might be slightly too small... still. Perhaps it will be a little more fun if I went on something made for more slightly smaller people.

===My Little Town [1.25]===
:'''Charlie''': You can build buildings and roads and it's called &quot;My Little Town&quot;.
:'''Lola''': It's called &quot;Our Little Town&quot;. Granny and Grandpa gave it to you and me, remember?
:'''Charlie''': I know, Lola, but really it's actually called &quot;My Little Town&quot;. See, if you look on the box...
:'''Lola''': I know! I know! But it's our little town, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': My town doesn't have flowers. It has cars and airplanes and dogs.
:'''Lola''': And big flowers.
:'''Charlie''': My dogs will eat your flowers.
:'''Lola''': Dogs don't eat flowers.
:'''Charlie''': They do in my little town.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why aren't you playing &quot;Our Little Town&quot;, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Because it's not Our Little Town, Charlie. It's your little town. You spoiled it anyway. I don't want to play with you. And I'm colouring.

===But I Am an Alligator [1.26]===
:'''Charlie''': You make a good crocodile, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Oh no, Charlie. This is not a crocodile. This is an alligator. It is my favourite fancy dress costume and it's my best.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, you can't wear an alligator costume all the time.
:'''Lola''': I can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Alligators love frozen prawns.
:'''Charlie''': Shh. Everyone's looking at us.

==Season 2 (2006)==

===It is Absolutely and Completely Not Messy [2.1]===
:'''Charlie''': It's like a whole herd of buffalo have stomped through! It's all messed up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Don't touch my bedtime water!
:'''Charlie''': Yuck. You've had it there for two days. You can't drink this.
:'''Lola''': What if wake up in the middle of the night, absolutely and completely thirsty?

===I Spy with My Little Eyes [2.2]===
:'''Charlie''': At the moment, Lola likes watching what's going on and then pretending to write things down.
:'''Lola''': It's called &quot;spying,&quot; Charlie, and I am noticing things every minute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': There aren't any ogres in this garden because Dad told me.
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I'm sure it is the shoe of an ogre.
:'''Lola''': Well, I don't think it's an ogre shoe.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'm Charlie and this is my little sister, Lola. We live over there. Have you just moved in?
:'''Arnold''': Oh yes. I'm Arnold. Arnold Wolf.
:'''Lola''': Arnold wha? huh? Wolf? I knew it! And is your dad, Mr. Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': And is your mom, Mrs. Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': And you are Arnold Wolf. Arnold Wolf?
:'''Arnold''': Yes.
:'''Lola''': This letter is for you. I'm Lola Sonner and I am very pleased to meet you.

===I am Extremely Magic [2.3]===
:'''Charlie''': Watch this, Lola. Abracadabra. Alakazam. Make my pink milk stick like jam.
:'''Lola''': Whoa! That is extremely magic.

===How Many More Minutes? [2.4]===
:'''Lola''': Do minutes go longer when you're not doing anything?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Captain Squidbones''': Why waste your time brushing teeth when you can steal them?

===This is Actually My Party [2.5]===
:'''Lola''': Look, this one's a talking card, from Granny and Grandpa.
:'''Voice from Card''': I'd just like to say happy birthday, before I gobble you up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, it's a telespoke.
:'''Charlie''': Thanks, Marv. I really wanted a telescope. ''[whispers to Lola]'' Lola, please let me unwrap my presents by myself.
:'''Lola''': Okay, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[angry at Lola for ruining his party]'' One, you open all my cards, two, you open my present from Marv, three, you put on music that I don't even like, four, you make everyone play party games, and five, you blow out my candles! This is ''my'' party, not ''your'' party!

===I am Collecting a Collection [2.6]===
:'''Lola''': I want a collection too.
:'''Charlie''': Well, collecting is fun and it's really easy to do, Lola. All you have to do is to think of something you really like and then you start collecting it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's a collection of things that people do need and I can give to them and they'll be very pleased.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's the ptero-thingy.
:'''Charlie''': The [[w:Pterodactyl|pterodactyl]]. It's as big as an actual airplane and it can fly for squillions of miles.

===Lucky, Lucky Me [2.7]===
:'''Lola''': Maybe today I'm absolutely the most luckiest person in the whole world. 
:''♪ Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky me-eee-ee. ♪''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[the movie theatre about to closed]'' Oh, no!
:'''Lola''': What is it, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': There are no more tickets, Lola. They've sold them all.
:'''Lola''': Does that mean we can't see ''Batcat''?
:'''Charlie''': Not today. No.
:'''Lola''': Oh. Oh. I think my luck has gone away now, Charlie. First it was windy and rainy, and then my lucky dress got completely ruined. And then my hat gone blowed away and now we can't see Bat Cat!
:'''NOTE''': The movie in the story &quot;Lucky, Lucky Me,&quot; ''Batcat'', is an obvious reference to the popular character and series of movies, ''[[Batman]]''.

===I Just Love My Shiny Red Shoes [2.8]===
:'''Lola''': Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes, where are you?
:'''Charlie''': Why don't you wear a different pair of shoes?
:'''Lola''': Charlie! They are my extremely, most favorite red shiny shoes. I wear them all of the time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, think really hard.
:'''Lola''': I am, Charlie. I am thinking. am thinking I'm thinking the hardest I can really think.

===My Best Best Bestest Friend [2.9]===
:'''Lola''': I don't think Lotta likes me anymore.
:'''Charlie''': She's your best friend. You do everything together.
:'''Lola''': That was ages ago.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I know. I'll be your friend.
:'''Lola''': It's not the same, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Why not?
:'''Lola''': Because you're already my brother and you're not in my class and you don't sit next to me.

===I Really Wonder What Plant I'm Growing [2.10]===
:'''Lola''': What are you doing, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': I'm growing my own plant. It's a tomato one.
:'''Lola''': Ew. I am not keen on tomatoes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Uh, Charlie, why are you talking to your plant? They don't have ears.
:'''Charlie''': Lots of people talk to plants. Mrs. Finch says it helps them to grow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What will my seed grow into?
:'''Charlie''': We'll have to wait and see.
:'''Lola''': It's a &quot;wait-and-see&quot; seed. ''[giggles]''

===Charlie is Broken! [2.11]===
:'''Lola''': Charlie, why is your arm white and ginormous?
:'''Charlie''': It's my plaster, Lola. It's protecting my arm until it's all better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Soren Lorenson, I'm a bit slightly scared.
:'''Soren Lorenson''': Why are you?
:'''Lola''': Because Charlie isn't Charlie anymore. He is broken.

===I Will Be Especially, Very Careful [2.12]===
:'''Lola''': The shopping trolley has got Lotta's coat!

===Yes I Am No You're Not [2.13]===
:'''Charlie''': I have this little sister, Lola. She is small and very funny.
:'''Lola''': I'm not small.
:'''Charlie''': You are quite small, Lola.
:'''Lola''': No, I'm not, Charlie. I am big. Look. ''[stretches]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Sometimes when we squabble and won't stop, Mom and Dad make us sit on the simmer-down chairs. They're called the simmer-down chairs because sometimes we get boiling mad so we have to sit quietly until we have simmered down.

===I Am Really, Really, Really Concentrating [2.14]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is very excited because it's sports day on Friday and this is Lola's first ever sports day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, did you glue the egg to the spoon?
:'''Lola''': Yes, Charlie. Now it doesn't fall off.
:'''Charlie''': You can't do that. Glue is cheating.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Mrs. Hanson gave me a ribbon because my egg did not fall of my spoon one time.

===Please May I Have Some of Yours? [2.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is really excited because Granny and Grandpa are taking us both to the zoo.
:'''Lola''': Oh, oh! Seals, Charlie, seals!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola is not very good at saving things for later.
:'''Lola''': Yes I am, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': You are not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I want to see the seals.
:'''Charlie''': The anteaters are amazing, Lola. Look... look how long his wiggly nose is. That's for winkling out termites and ants from ant hills.

===Can You Maybe Turn the Light On? [2.16]===
:'''Lola''': I think funny things come out when it's dark and I hear funny noises.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Can I have the night-light on?
:'''Charlie''': You haven't had the night-light on for ages. You know I find it hard to sleep with it on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ogre''': If only someone will come and sing me a song, I'll fall asleep all night long.

===What if I Get Lost in the Middle of Nowhere? [2.17]===
:'''Lola''': ''[singsong voice]'' ''♪ Foxy, where are you? ♪'' I know you're here somewhere, but I can't find you.
:'''Charlie''': Foxy is Lola's toy fox and she's been looking for him since yesterday.
:'''Lola''': ''♪ Foxy, foxy, foxy... ♪''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It's completely disappeared, into the middle of nowhere. Oh, I think he is lost.
:'''Charlie''': I'm sure he's not lost. I'll help you find him.
:'''Lola''': Thank you, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': When we get back from school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What does Mrs. Finch always say?
:'''Charlie and Marv''': ''[reciting together]'' If you do get lost, all you have to do is stay still, and someone will come and find you.
:'''Lola''': We could still get lost.
:'''Lotta''': Yes, we could.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You see, we know exactly how not to get lost. 
:''[Lola and Lotta giggle]''

===Welcome to Lolaland [2.18]===
:'''Charlie''': People live all over the world, Lola and they speak lots of different languages. If you go and get the globe, I'll show you where all the different countries are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Hola. Me llamo Marv.
:'''Lola''': Pajama Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What music do people do in other countries?
:''[Marv sighs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola...
:'''Lola''': It's my last question, I promise!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': It is time to begin our dancing. The springy, boingy, jumpy dance of Lolaland!
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I love jumping!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Lola, give globo Marv now, now, now!
:'''Lola''': Why didn't you just say so?

===Will You Please Stop Messing About? [2.19]===
:'''Lola''': Well, Mom said we can all watch ''Space Family Hudson'' when we've all done our little jobs.
:'''Charlie''': They're not little jobs. They're big.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'll never be able to watch ''Space Family Hudson'' because on this planet we have to do all the boring jobs ourselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I love sheet-folding. ''[covers herself with one of the sheets]'' Whoo, Charlie! I'm a spooky ghost. Whoo-whoo!

===I Completely Know About Guinea Pigs [2.20]===
:'''Charlie''': What are you doing at the moment?
:'''Lola''': I'm being a guinea pig. Wrink!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Come here, Burt! It's all right.
:'''Burt''': Wrink! Wrink!
:'''Lola''': Oh, stop wriggling!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[to Burt]'' If you were my very own guinea pig, I would take you everywhere. I would always take you grocery shopping with Mom. I would take you to the cinema and the library. I would take you everywhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Burt!
:'''Charlie''': Uh-oh.
:'''Lola''': Where is he? Burt is completely, extremely gone!
:'''Charlie''': He can't be completely gone. He's got to be here somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about Burt]'' Maybe he didn't like me. Maybe he's run away.
:'''Charlie''': He didn't run away. He has to be here somewhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Lots of Burts. Where did they all come from?
:'''Charlie''': Hmm. I don't think Burt is a boy, Lola.
:'''Lola''': What do you mean?
:'''Charlie''': I think Burt has had babies.
:'''Lola''': Ooh. I said he was a girl.

===Never Ever Never Step on the Cracks [2.21]===
:'''Lola''': If you touch any of the deep blue sea, Dad said it will make the sea ticklers come up and tickle your feet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Did the [[w:Bed bug|bedbugs]] bite?
:'''Charlie''': No.
:'''Lola''': I don't want them to bite me, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's not all true, you know. Some things are just superstitions.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': There are no [[w:Bear|bears]], Lola, I promise. No bears, no [[w:Crocodile|crocodiles]], and certainly no [[w:Lion|lions]]. It's only something people say.

===I Will Not Ever Never Forget You, Nibbles [2.22]===
:'''Lola''': ''[regarding about Nibbles]'' I just want to hold him for a bit more longer-er.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Tomorrow's our Bring Your Pet to School Day. Marv's bringing Sizzles and I'm gonna bring Nibbles.
:'''Lola''': Oh, Nibbles will definitely be the cleverest pet in the whole school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': When Nibbles is older and bigger, he'll probably be able to do all kinds of tricks.
:'''Lola''': Millions and a hundred of people come to see Nibbles the daredevil mouse.
:'''Charlie''': The first-ever mouse to cross a waterfall on a tightrope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': I'm afraid, Lola, Nibbles is definitely not going to wake up.
:'''Lola''': You're just not seeing properly, Charlie. ''[gasps]'' Oh. Nibbles is completely not moving, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': All mice are different. That's why they make such good pets.

===Look After Your Planet [2.23]===
:'''Marv''': ''[regarding about his brother; Marty]'' Mom says his room looks like a complete pigsty.
:'''Morton''': A pigsty. ''[snorts]''
:''[Lola giggles]''
:'''Charlie''': He can't be that bad.
:'''Marv''': Ha. Yes he can.
:'''Morton''': He is.
:'''Marv''': We can just peek.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I do not ever never want my room to look like Marty's, so I am throwing everything away.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[explaining the concept of recycling to Lola]'' I suppose it's a way that people can reuse old things in a different and new way.
:'''Lola''': Why?
:'''Charlie''': If we just threw everything away, then we'd all, maybe, be completely buried under a massive huge pile of rubbish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I would love to plant a tree.
:'''Charlie''': Well, you'd better start recycling.
:'''Lola''': Yes, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marty''': Who's been in my room?!
:'''Marv''': Let's get out of here! Quick!

===Too Many Big Words [2.24]===
:'''Lola''': Too many big words, Charlie. I will leave words until later, when I am bigger. Oh, and I don't really think I'll go to school tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie, at school, we also have to do writing, which is all loopy, and my loops go all over the paper.
:'''Charlie''': But, Lola, if you learn how to write, you can send letters and cards to people you like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[reading story about the bird; Piccolo]'' &quot;Well, you can fly now,&quot; said his mother. &quot;And you'll be able to sing too. You just have to keep trying.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay.
:'''Lola''': Piccolo is puh... printed in [[w:China|China]]. It costs...
:'''Charlie''': Lola.
:''[Lola giggles]''

===You Can Be My Friend [2.25]===
:'''Marv''': Morton's not a really big talker. Are you, Morton?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Look at me. I'm a grand lady. Clip-clop. Clip-clop. Now I'm a mermaid. ''[sound of bubbling]'' Meow. Meow. And you, Morton, you could be a pirate. 
:''[Lola places a paper hat on his head, but he removes it and she sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Morton, don't you want to play?
:''[Morton shakes his head]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': He didn't say one single word, even. He doesn't like me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What do you think it would be like to be inside a bubble?
:'''Morton''': Bubbly.

===I Wish I Could Draw Exactly More Like You [2.26]===
:'''Lola''': I'm just sharpening my pencil. I like it all pointy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': The walls are all straight. 
:''[Lotta's pencil suddenly breaks and the line goes jagged]''
:'''Lotta''': Oh no! They are not all straight! Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': The walls don't have to be completely exactly straight like your house, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': They do.
:'''Lola''': Oh.
:'''Lotta''': A rule. This will help me be unwobbly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': This is a book of Dad's. It's a book of all different artists. Look at this one. It's by an artist called &quot;Van Goog.&quot;
:'''Marv''': I think it's &quot;Van Goff,&quot; Charlie.

==Season 3 (2007-08)==

===I Really Absolutely Must Have Glasses [3.1]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is thinking about seeing because Mum is taking her to have her eyes tested.
:'''Lola''': At the opstician.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But, you know, Charlie, I can actually see all my shapes and colors very well. I can see my spaghetti and my bowl and my spoon and my pink milk. ''[slurps]'' Ahh! And you. So I really, absolutely do not need to go to the opt... opt... eye-test lady.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Lola, I would like to choose some glasses.
:'''Lola''': I wonder what glasses I would choose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, you're going to the optician's to get your eyes tested. She'll only give you glasses if you really, really need them.
:'''Lola''': But I do need them, Charlie. I absolutely, completely need a pair of lovely glasses that are green. Maybe orange. With pink side-a-bits right here.
:''[Charlie sighs wearily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Wake up, Charlie! Today's the day that I'm going to get my glasses. Come on, hurry up. Mum, Mum!
:''[Charlie sighs grumpily and tucks himself in, hoping to get a bit more sleep]''

===Thunder Completely Does Not Scare Me [3.2]===
:'''Charlie''': If you aren't frightened of storms, then why have you got cushions on your ears?
:'''Lola''': ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;'''BECAUSE, CHARLIE, I'M NOT, BUT MY EARS MIGHT BE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': If you watch the storm, then it's not so scary.
:'''Lola''': But I'm not scared, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': I know you're not scared. That's why we can watch the real storm. It's really exciting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': The rain has gone really loud.
:'''Charlie''': That's because it's not rain anymore... it's hail.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': See? Storms are fun. There's no need to be scared of the thunder.
:'''Lola''': I'm not scared of the thunder, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like the thunder. I'm scared.
:'''Charlie''': Oh, Lola. It's just weather.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the storm has stopped!
:'''Lola''': &lt;big&gt;'''I AM THUNDER!'''&lt;/big&gt; ''[laughs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola, the storm has stopped!

===I Slightly Want to Go Home [3.3]===
:'''Lotta''': I have even got some things for a midnight feast.
:'''Lola''': I can't wait! I can't wait!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': ''[giggles]'' Come on, Lola!
:'''Lola''': ''[pulling a toothpaste]'' Oops!
:'''Lotta''': Why are you brushing your teeth?
:'''Lola''': Because I always do my teeth before my bath. So does Charlie. 
:''[A flashback shows when Lola and Charlie are brushing their teeth in the bathroom]''
:'''Lola''': When do you brush your teeth?
:'''Lotta''': After my bath!
:'''Lola''': Why do you brush your teeth after?
:'''Lotta''': Don't know. Just do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': And we didn't even play &quot;I Went to the Moon.&quot;
:'''Lotta''': What's that?
:'''Lola''': It's a game me and Charlie play at bedtime.
:'''Lotta''': How do you play it?
:'''Lola''': Well, you have to pretend you are going on holiday to the moon. You have to take turns saying funny things to bring.

===I Am Extremely Absolutely Boiling [3.4]===
:'''Lola''': I'm not just hot, Charlie. I am extremely, absolutely boiling. And the only thing that will make me completely not boiling anymore is strawberry ice cream. Yum.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Arnold, could you pant a little bit more quieter, please? Your panting is making me more hot.
:'''Arnold''': Why don't you try panting too?
:'''Lola''': Because I'm not a dog, Arnold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Arnold Wolf is a meanie-pegs.
:'''Marv''': Oh. I'm sure he didn't mean to be a meanie-pegs.
:'''Lola''': Well, he was one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Arnold''': Charlie, would you like to play in my paddling pool. And Lola?
:'''Lola''': Tell Arnold that we're very, extremely happy splashing over here, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Ugh.

===I Can Train Your Dog [3.5]===
:'''Morton''': Hello, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Hello, Morton. Marv says Sizzles is being naughty today. He's not being naughty, is he? He's just a little bit sad because he can't go on his walk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sizzles must have thought the newspaper was a bone.
:'''Marv''': I don't think so, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You're a good dog.
:'''Marv''': Sizzles isn't a good dog.
:'''Lola''': Hmm. He could learn to be good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': No, Sizzles. No howling, or chewing, or naughtiness. Okay?
:''[Sizzles shreds the newspaper into pieces]''
:'''Charlie''': It's no good, Lola. Marv is right.
:'''Lola''': No! Sizzles can do anything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Marv, Sizzles is now a completely, extremely and absolutely good dog.
:'''Marv''': I don't think that's very likely, Lola.
:'''Charlie''': We'll prove it.
:'''Lola''': We'll do a dog show.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Mum! Mum! Sizzles has found your handbag!
:'''Lola''': You're a completely good dog, Sizzles.
:'''Charlie''': Well done, Sizzles.
:'''Marv''': Even though you messed up the whole house. It was worth it because you found Mom's handbag.

===Do Not Ever Never Let Go [3.6]===
:'''Marv''': You'll be much faster on a real bike, Lola.
:'''Lola''': No, Marv. I really like my trike. It is exactly almost nearly like Lotta's trike and it goes exactly as fastest as her trike, so we can tricycle along together at the same exact time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Dad took my stabilizers off.
:''[Lola gasps and moans]''
:'''Lotta''': It's really easy, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Are you holding on, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': Yes, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''[moans]'' Oh, too fast, too fast, too fast. '''TOO FAST!''' ''[gasps]'' The fence, the fence!
:'''Charlie''': Use the brakes, Lola.
:'''Lola''': ''[panicking]'' '''WHERE ARE THE BRAKES!? WHERE ARE THE BRAKES!?''' Oh, here. [the brakes stops]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You let go. You promised you wouldn't let go.
:'''Charlie''': Maybe you should put the stabilizers back on.

===Our Shop Sells Everything [3.7]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola is playing shops with her friend, Lotta.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Sorry, customer. There are no biscuits.
:'''Lola''': Lotta, we definitely have biscuits in our shop.
:'''Lotta''': Well, we did, but doing shops makes you very nibbly, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Lotta!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I would like to be a fairy, please.
:'''Lola''': ''[whispering]'' I don't think we have a fairy, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': Oh.
:'''Lola''': Oh, wait! Actually, we do have one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Fairies are very difficult customers.
:'''Lola''': Yes. I hope no more fairies go buying in our shop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': ''[recommending an item to Morton]'' What about this?
:'''Lola''': Lotta, all the pictures are all colored in.
:'''Lotta''': But is is really good coloring, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Have fun with your shop.
:'''Lola''': It's not our shop, anymore. It's Morton's shop now.

===I Am Inventing a Usefullish Invention [3.8]===
:'''Lola''': What are you reading?
:'''Charlie''': It's a book about invention.
:'''Lola''': Hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I can. I can invent something. You'll see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': What is it?
:'''Lola''': I am an actual inventor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': So am I really, completely an inventor?
:'''Marv''': You are. You are an actual, factual inventor, Lola.

===But We Always Do It Like This [3.9]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola can't wait. Because we're going to Granny and Grandpa's.
:'''Lola''': And Granny and Grandpa live at the seaside. And you know what we do at Granny and Grandpa's?
:'''Charlie''': Uh... eat ice cream?
:'''Lola''': Pat, pat, pat...
:'''Charlie''': Jump in the waves?
:'''Lola''': Uh… ''[ahem]'' Pat, pat, pat…
:'''Charlie''': Hmm… I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clem''': Shells! ''[places them on sandcastle haphazardly]''
:'''Lola''': No! Not wonky! All straight! Charlie, I don't think it's a very good idea to let Clem do helping, 'cause we always do it together and she's going to spoil it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': So, there are no crosses. 
:''[The road is called beach crosses. The fish like a car in traffic is red stop, green starts to go]''
:'''Lola''': And shops! Don't forget the shops!
:'''Clem''': Yes, shops! ''[The doors opened, and sees hundreds of beach shops]''
:'''Lola''': Wow!
:'''Clem''': Ooh!
:''[Clem giggles. Lola and Clem laughs]''
:'''Charlie''': Lola, it's so amazing!
:'''Luke''': Wow!
:'''Hal''': Wow!
:'''Charlie''': ''[gasps]'' The castle!
:'''Clem''': The castle! ''[Lola picked up the sand bucket. Then, he digger some sand circle, Charlie clean the sand castle with his fingers, Lola pulls out of the sand castle]'' More windows. ''[He collected some shells]''
:''[The big castle is very big. He ran upstairs to the top of the castle outside]''
:'''Hal''': How do we get out?
:'''Charlie''': There's our drawbridge.
:'''Lola''': Charlie! Put the crab in his castle.
:'''Charlie''': Oh, yes! The crab! ''[Hal giggles]'' There you are. A whole sand city.
:'''Luke''': It's amazing.
:'''Hal''': It really is.
:'''Lola''': Let's get grandpa to take a picture of all of us and the crab and the city.
:'''Charlie''': Yes!
:'''Lola''': Grandpa! Come take a picture!
:'''Hal''': Clem, come here.
:'''Clem''': I'm coming!
:'''Luke''': Should out!
:'''Lola''': Say &quot;cheese&quot;.
:'''All''': Cheese! ''[A camera is a picture]''
:'''Luke''': Bye!
:'''Charlie''': Bye!
:'''Hal''': See ya.
:'''Clem''': Bye, Charlie!
:'''Lola''': Bye!
:'''Charlie''': See you next year!
:'''Hal''': Yes, we well.
:'''Luke''': See you then!
:'''Clem''': Bye, Lola!
:'''Hal''': Can't wait!
:'''Clem''': Bye, Lola.

===I Can't Stop Hiccuping! [3.10]===
:'''Charlie''': Oh, Lola, you've given yourself the hiccups.
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' I can't... ''[hiccups]'' ...help it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Do you like my tower, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Hmm. 
:''[Lola hiccups, knocking the tower down]''
:'''Lotta''': You hiccuped down my tower.
:'''Lola''': Sorry, Lotta. It was an accident.
:'''Mini''': You should do my hopping.
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' I can't keep doing hopping.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': How did they start?
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' Lotta made me laugh. ''[hiccups]''
:'''Charlie''': Hmm, I'll tell you what. Why don't you two try to make laugh, so that I could catch your hiccups? If I catch them, then you won't have them anymore. See?
:'''Lola''': ''[hiccups]'' Oh, alright!
:'''Lotta''': Um… ''[he thinks. Blows his raspberries]''

===I Am Completely Hearing and Also Listening [3.11]===
:'''Lola''': ''[as Elephant]'' He's very big, isn't he? ''[giggles; as herself]'' Look, it's a puppet. Did you think it was really an elephant, Charlie?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Are you listening, Lola? Lola, I don't think you were listening.
:'''Lola''': Yes, I was, Charlie. But Elephant is an actual puppet, and he knows all about puppet theaters, so he told me exactly just where to glue it.
:'''Charlie''': But you've left a piece out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You didn't listen. You never listen.
:'''Lola''': I do, Charlie. I am absolutely hearing and also listening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What time are we supposed to get there, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Hmm. 5 o'clock. Yes. 5 o'clock. That's what Arnold said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But you said 5 o'clock.
:'''Arnold''': No. You couldn't have listened properly. I said come early for teatime. And then your Mum and Dad to pick you up at 5 o'clock. Everyone's gone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Sometimes I don't think I always listen very hard enough.
:'''Charlie''': That's true, Lola. But I know you can.

===But I Don't Really Like This Present [3.12]===
:'''Lola''': Charlie! ''[whining]'' Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': What is it, Lola? ''[notices the garishly colorful hat Lotta got for Lola]'' Oh.
:'''Lola''': I don't want my present from Lotta.
:'''Charlie''': It's very, um, bright. What don't you like about it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': But I don't like it, Charlie. And I don't want to wear it.
:'''Charlie''': Don't you think Lola will be a bit sad. You did tell her you'd wear it all the time.
:'''Lola''': But I really, absolutely don't like it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I can't wait to show everyone at school the beautiful bracelet you got me from holiday, Lola. You will wear your hart to school too, won't you?
:'''Lola''': Oh, yes, yes, I'll wear it tomorrow. Bye, then.

===I Can Dance Like a Dancer [3.13]===
:'''Lola''': Country dancing makes me a bit dizzy and I don't think it's my favorite.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I'm an ever-so-good dancer. Look. This is my drinking-pink-milk dance. ''[blows bubbles, taps and giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I do ballet dance after school. You can come over for a try.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I like ballet, but it's too floaty for me. And tap dancing's good, but it's too shuffly and not enough tapping. I don't think I'm ever going to be a good dancerer.

===Help! I Really Mean It! [3.14]===
:'''Lotta''': Hello, Caspar the cat.
:'''Lola''': You can come in, Lotta, but you just have to open the door a tiny bit. It's called &quot;Caspar's not allowed out, or he might run away.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Did you know, Lotta, that Caspar was actually a [[w:Tiger|tiger]]?
:'''Lotta''': Yes, a tiger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Caspar, where are you?
:'''Charlie''': You haven't lost him, have you?
:'''Lola''': No, he just didn't really want to ride in my pram.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': &lt;big&gt;'''HELP, CHARLIE, HELP!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Why isn't Charlie coming, Lola?
:'''Lola and Lotta''': &lt;big&gt;'''HELP!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sniffles]'' I told you I need you, Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': But I didn't believe you because you keep shouting &quot;help&quot; when you don't mean it.
:'''Lola and Lotta''': Sorry, Charlie and Marv.

===I Would Like to Actually Keep It [3.15]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola, who are you talking to?
:'''Lola''': Foxy, of course. ''[as Foxy]'' Hello, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What's the matter, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Well, I'm worrying about the rabbit. He's still there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Hello, Charlie, it's Lotta. Has anybody rung about Rabbit yet?
:'''Charlie''': No, not yet.
:'''Lola''': Lotta, you have to get off the telephone. Somebody might be calling.
:'''Lotta''': Oops, sorry. Bye.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Rabbit is actually a very fast and very clever rabbit. I don't know why somebody hasn't called for him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about the stuffed rabbit's owner]'' Well done, Lola. He was really happy.
:'''Lola''': Yes! He was really happy because I looked after his rabbit really well.

===It's Raining, It's Boring [3.16]===
:'''Charlie''': Today, Lola's excited because mum and dad are going out, so we're going 'round to Marv's.
:'''Lola''': No, we're going over to the park to play with Sizzles all day long.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like it when it rains.
:'''Charlie''': It's not that bad, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': What's this?
:'''Lola and Charlie''': What does it say?
:'''Marv''': ''[reading]'' &quot;Is it raining?&quot;
:'''Charlie''': Yes.
:'''Marv''': &quot;Are you really bored?&quot;
:'''Lola''': Yes!
:'''Marv''': &quot;Well, open this box and you won't be bored anymore.&quot;
:'''Lola''': Open the box! Open the box!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I don't like these rainy day games. You said it was going to be fun, but it wasn't. I'm going to play with Sizzles.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We didn't finish the rain race in time.
:'''Marv''': But we did find an even better game for the rainy day box.
:'''Charlie''': Yeah. Lola's story game.

===I am Goody the Good [3.17]===
:'''Charlie''': At the moment, Lola's absolute favorite books are all about a girl called Goody.
:'''Lola''': Goody the Good, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Sorry, Lola. Goody the Good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': She helps a turtle to get the right way up again.
:'''Goody''': Happy to help.
:'''Lola''': Happy to help. Happy to help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': To beat Marv, you must do lots of eating to be big and strong. So I'll help you to choose some grapes.
:'''Charlie''': Um, thanks Goody. Mmm.
:'''Lola''': Happy to help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why did you eat my broccoli?
:'''Lola''': Certainly, I was helping you, Charlie, because you don't like broccoli.
:'''Charlie''': I love broccoli, Lola.
:'''Lola''': I was only being helpful, like Goody.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': You've ruined my mountains!
:'''Lola''': It's not ruined, Charlie. If you look at it like this, it looks actual wet snowy.

===What Can I Wear for Halloween? [3.18]===
:'''Charlie''': Tomorrow night is [[w:Halloween|Halloween]].
:'''Lola''': Whoo! Whoo!
:'''Charlie''': So there's going to be a special party at school. We've all got to wear Halloween costumes.
:'''Lola''': Are you going to dress up, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': I am dressed up, Lola. I'm a wizard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I knew everyone would be going as a wicked witch.
:'''Lotta''': Not me. I'm going as a wiggly, hairy monster with eyes that are all woggly wobbly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': That is actually the biggest pumpkin I've ever seen.
:'''Lola''': It is as big and orangey as the sun.
:'''Lotta''': Mmm. And when my dad does the face, it's gonna be the best pumpkin lantern in the whole of Halloween.
:'''Lola''': Yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sighs]'' I still don't know what to go as, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Uh, why don't you dress up as a... wolf?
:'''Lola''': Unh unh. Arnold Wolf is going as a wolf.
:'''Charlie''': What about a deep sea monster that's all made out of seaweed?
:'''Lola''': Blah! Too slimy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': Still no idea what to dress up as, Lola?
:'''Lola''': I can't think of anything extremely scary, Marv.
:'''Charlie''': I told you, Lola. It doesn't have to be scary.
:'''Marv''': Yes, it does. It has to be totally terrifying.
:'''Charlie''': It doesn't have to be scary. It'd just better be quick. It's not long until the party.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Are you ready?
:'''Lola''': ''[giggles]'' Yes, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Okay, everyone. Behold our very own Halloween pumpkin! The biggest, orangiest pumpkin in the whole of Halloween!

===But Marv is Absolutely Charlie's Best Friend [3.19]===
:'''Marv''': I wish we could watch ''Pirate Squidbones'' all day.
:'''Charlie''': So do I. ''[imitating Squidbones]'' You good-for-nothing jellyguts!
:'''Marv''': ''[also imitating Squidbones]'' Not as much as I do, you wretched limpet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[having overheard part of Charlie and Marv's fake Squidbones argument]'' I have ever, never heard Charlie and Marv be cross before, ever.
:'''Lotta''': Maybe we should get Charlie and Marv to do a making-up card.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oh no. Marv's got a new best friend.
:'''Marv''': These biscuits are the best.
:'''Jack''': They're my best, too. You like all the same things I do.
:'''Lotta''': ''[whispering]'' They're definitely best friends because they like the same biscuits.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Marv''': ''[on the telephone]'' Just tell Charlie he's a mean jellyguts.
:''[Lola gasps]''
:'''Marv''': Bye, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Oh.
:'''Lotta''': Don't tell Charlie he's a mean jellyguts.
:'''Lola''': Oh no, I won't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about himself and Marv]'' Oh, Lola, we're the best friends ever.
:'''Marv''': ''[chuckles]'' Lola.
:'''Charlie''': We've just been playing Squidbones.

===I Am Making a Craze [3.20]===
:'''Lola''': Would you like to do some real, actual skipping now?
:'''Lotta''': No, because I have to practice my hulie-skipping.
:'''Lola''': Oh. What about hide and seek?
:'''Lotta''': No thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Hi, Lola. Why aren't you playing with your hulie-hoop?
:'''Lola''': Why is everyone doing hulie-hooping and not anything but hulie-hooping?
:'''Charlie''': Because it's a craze, Lola.
:'''Lola''': How long does a craze go on for, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': Until the next craze comes along.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': What are you doing, Lola?
:'''Lola''': I'm making a craze, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You can even play cuppy catch ball with two people. That's called &quot;twosies.&quot;
:'''Charlie''': Hey, Lotta.
:'''Lotta''': If we did it with our eyes closed, we could call it &quot;sleeping twosies.&quot; ''[throws the ball with her eyes closed, but it doesn't come anywhere close to the cup]'' Oh.
:'''Charlie''': Or &quot;dropsies.&quot;

===But Where Completely Are We? [3.21]===
:'''Lola''': I would quite like to be an explorer. Why don't we go now?
:'''Charlie''': All the exploring places are really far away and you have to take water and food for surviving.
:'''Lola''': We can do that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Mum gave me some raisins in case we get really hungry out in the wild. And dad said he'll come down if we need some help with the tent.
:'''Charlie''': We won't need any help, Lola, because we're explorers.
:'''Lola''': I know. Where are we going?
:'''Charlie''': We're going through blizzards and tropical rain.
:'''Lola''': And jump over biggish rocks.
:'''Charlie''': We may even have to wade through rivers. But we'll keep on going and going until we get there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We can't just go back home every time you want something.
:'''Lola''': Can't we?
:'''Charlie''': No. That's cheating. We're in a wild and faraway place, remember? And we have to find our own food.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[popping out of a bush]'' Lola, it's me!
:'''Lola''': Oh! I thought you were a tiger!
:'''Charlie''': Sorry, Lola. I was just foraging for food in the bush.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I definitely don't like explorer camping. It's wet and it's cold. I don't like it! Please. ''[sniffles]'' Can we just go inside, please?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Day one-- talked to a [[w:Parrot|parrot]] and saw... 23 [[w:Orangutan|orangutans]]. Lola, when are you going to tidy your side of the camp?
:'''Lola''': Not now, Charlie.
:'''Charlie''': Where are you going?
:'''Lola''': Foraging.
:'''Charlie''': Foraging for what? Giant coconuts?
:'''Lola''': No. Cheese, from the fridge.

===I Really, Really Need Actual Ice Skates [3.22]===
:'''Lola''': Hi, Morton!
:'''Morton''': I'm a very good scooterer.
:'''Marv''': But not a very good stopperer. You'd better take it inside, Morton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': I love ice skating!
:'''Morton''': So do I.
:'''Lola''': So do I.
:'''Charlie''': Lola's never been ice skating before.
:'''Marv''': Neither has Morton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I really do think I absolutely and extremely must have my own skates.
:'''Charlie''': But we're getting the scooters tomorrow with dad.
:'''Lola''': I'm going to have real ice skates instead of the scooter, Charlie, because then I will be a very good and very twirylish ice skater.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Dad said I must be very, very good and promise not to change my mind and that he doesn't want to find my skates in the bottom of the cupboard.
:'''Charlie''': Mmm.

===I Am Going to Save a Panda [3.23]===
:'''Lotta''': And we can save the... [[w:Giraffe|giraffes]].
:'''Marv''': Giraffes?
:'''Lola''': Yes. 'Cause sometimes, because they're so tall, giraffes get their heads stuck in the clouds.
:'''Lotta''': Oh-no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': We're helping the endangered animals by raising money for them.
:'''Lola''': Are we going to buy them a present?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I think I would like to save a [[w:Giant panda|panda]].
:'''Lotta''': &lt;big&gt;'''YES, YES, YES!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Okay. Let's save the pandas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': You know, Charlie, I'm definitely going to save a giant panda tomorrow because I can hop forever. Hop!

===I've Got Nobody to Play With [3.24]===
:'''Lola''': ''[talking on the telephone]'' Hello? Oh, hello, Lotta's mum. Lotta has a cold? But she could still come, though. (Signs) But I like germs. Okay. Bye, Lotta's mum.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': And now I was wondering if you would like maybe to come upstairs and do some coloring with me.
:'''Morton''': Oh, no! I can't, Lola. I've got to go to the vet with my mum. She says Sizzles has got bad breath. 
:''[Sizzles barks]''
:'''Lola and Morton''': '''EWW!'''
:'''Morton''': It's smelly. Sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Where are you hiding?
:'''Soren Lorenson''': I'm in the cave. Can't you see me?
:'''Lola''': Of course I can see you, Soren Lorenson! Come out. We've got a very big mountain to climb, made out of pillows.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Aw. A magic forest in our bedroom. Can I play?
:'''Lola''': Well... okay.

===It is Very Special and Extremely Ancient [3.25]===
:'''Lola''': That's a stone, Charlie. A brown stone.
:'''Charlie''': It's very, very amazing and special.
:'''Lola''': Is it a very special stone from the garden?
:'''Charlie''': No, Lola. This stone is ancient. It's really, really, really old.
:'''Lola''': Did it come from Granny's garden? Granny's very, very old. She's older than even 25.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': So how did a fosskil get into the stone?
:'''Charlie''': Fossil, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Lola, do you think we can start a fossil collection together, you and me?
:'''Lola''': Yes, Lotta. I think that is an extremely and good idea.
:'''Lotta''': So do I.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': A fossil of a...
:'''Lola''': ..fish!
:'''Lotta''': Yes! A very old, swimmy fish.
:'''Charlie''': It's an ice-lolly stick, Lola.

===I Wish I Could Do That And Also That Too [3.26]===
:'''Charlie''': Lola is really excited because...
:'''Lola''': My friend from school is coming to play.
:'''Charlie''': Not Lotta?
:'''Lola''': No, not Lotta. Someone completely else, who's never come to tea before.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mini''': A skipping rope made of lovely and pretty beads.
:'''Lola''': Ooh.
:'''Mini''': You know, Lola, only actual queens skip with skipping ropes made out of beads.
:'''Lola''': Lotta will love our queen skipping rope made all out of beads.
:'''Mini''': We can show her at school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Okay, what about &quot;Sorry, I can't come to your house for tea 'cause my fish is ever so not well.&quot;
:'''Lotta''': But you don't have a fish, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mini''': You were invited to a real space party?! Why didn't you go?
:'''Lola''': Because if I went to Marv's party, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be able to do beads with you.
:'''Mini''': Oh. Marv's having a real space party, but you still came here to my house. Thank you, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I know! Let's do our own space party! And beads... let's do space beads!

==Specials==

===How Many More Minutes Until Christmas?===
:'''Lola''': ''[gasps]'' The horse with twigs on his head!
:'''Charlie''': ''[giggles]'' That's a reindeer, Lola.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[regarding about [[w:Father Christmas|Father Christmas]]]'' Oh, and he always brings a tangerine.
:'''Lola''': Why does he always bring a tangerine?
:'''Charlie''': I don't know. 'Cause they are really boring.
:'''Lola''': ''[showing Charlie a Christmas card]'' That is my card for Lotta.
:'''Charlie''': That's really nice, Lola. What is it?
:'''Lola''': It's &quot;Away in a Manger&quot; with [[w:Christ Child|Baby Jesus]]. Lotta really likes that song, especially the bit where the cattle are lowing. Uh... What is lowing, Charlie?
:'''Charlie''': It's like mooing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Oh, Charlie, I'm very excited! We can post our letter to Father Christmas on our way to school tomorrow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lola finds out Lotta had received her letter to Father Christmas by mistake.]''
:'''Lola''': Oh, no, Lotta! That's my letter to Father Christmas! And if you have got my letter to Father Christmas, that means Father Christmas won't know about my purse on a string, and he won't know that I really want Granny and Grandpa to come, and he won't bring the special surprise to Charlie! ''[gasps]'' Maybe he won't come at all! ''[sobbing like a 3 year old]'' WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[as the telephone rings]'' Ooh. That might be Father Christmas, to tell me he's got my letter.
:''[Charlie giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': How many more minutes until Christmas?
:'''Charlie''': Just time for some Christmas carols and then tomorrow it will be Christmas.
:''[Lola giggles]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': I told Mom all about the sky paper and how we saved Christmas, Charlie, and she said were very extremely clever.

===Everything is Different and Not the Same===
:'''Lola''': Everything needs to be exactly, extremely right going back to school.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': ''[teaching Lola how to tie a shoelace]'' Over the top and down below, make a loop and away you go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': What's a conker?
:'''Marv''': You know what a conker is, Lola.
:'''Lola''': Mmm-mnh.
:'''Marv''': Conkers are the best thing that happen in autumn or maybe they're the best thing all year.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lotta''': Our new desk is funny.
:'''Lola''': It even smells funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''[sighs wearily]'' My new tights keep crinkling. I like my old tights. Ugh. And my shoelace has come undone. It's all because of autumn. Everything is different and not the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Autumn is going all wrong. Everything is different and not the same.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie''': Why won't you come out?
:'''Lola''': We're hidinggating.
:'''Charlie''': Why are you hibernating, Lola? Only animals are supposed to do that.
:'''Lola''': Lotta and I are not coming out until spring.
:'''Lotta''': Yep.
:'''Lola''': Everything is different and wrong in autumn, Charlie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': Where's your itchy scarf, Lotta?
:'''Lotta''': ''[whispers]'' Don't tell anyone, but I hid it in the time capsule.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lola''': ''♪ Autumn, autumn, autumn! ♪''
:'''Charlie''': I thought you didn't like autumn because everything changes!
:'''Lola''': I changed my mind!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Ben Small (actor)|Ben Small]] as Charlie Sonner.
* [[w:tara strong|tara strong]] as Lola Sonner.
* [[w:Tim Whitnall|Tim Whitnall]] as Marv.
* [[w:Teresa Gallagher|Teresa Gallagher]] as Lotta.
* [[w:Keith Wickham|Keith Wickham]] as Soren Lorenson.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Charlie and Lola (TV series)}}
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:UK TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]
[[Category:Disney Junior shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about siblings]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Long-Haired Hare</title>
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[[File:Long-Haired Hare title card.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Long-Haired Hare|Long-Haired Hare]]''''' is a 1949 American animated short film produced by [[w:Warner Bros. Cartoons|Warner Bros. Cartoons]] and distributed by [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros. Pictures]] as part of the ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' series. It was the 60th short to feature Bugs Bunny. In addition to including the homophones &quot;hair&quot; and &quot;hare&quot;, the title is also a pun on &quot;longhairs&quot;, a characterization of classical music lovers. Nicolai Shutorov provides the singing voice of Giovanni Jones. In the short, Bugs Bunny retaliates against the pompous opera star who does him violence.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Charles M. Jones]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].''

This cartoon was featured in [[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]], but, it was shortened for time.

==[[Bugs Bunny]]==
* ''[as he was helping Giovanni after he falls in the tuba]'' Ladies and gentlemen! There will be an unavoidable interruption in the program! Break into a vamp until we get back, Maestro!

==Dialogue==
:'''Musicians''': ''[as Bugs enters the concert hall wearing a white wig and tuxedo]'' [[Leopold Stokowski|Leopold]]! Leopold!
:'''Giovanni Jones''': Leopold!
:'''Maestro''': ''[gulping, terrified]'' L-L-Leopold!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]], Giovanni Jones (speaking), Maestro, Musicians and Delivery Boy
* Nicolai Shutorov as Giovanni Jones (singing, uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0041598}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated musical short films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Los Angeles]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Lighter Than Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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[[File:Lighter than Hare title card.png|thumb|Title card.]]
'''''[[w:Lighter Than Hare|Lighter Than Hare]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short that [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] wrote and directed. It was originally released on December 17, 1960. The title is a play on the phrase ''[[w:Lifting gas|lighter than air]]''. In the short, outer space invader Yosemite Sam wants to capture typical earth creature Bugs Bunny.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:John W. Burton (film producer)|John Burton, Sr.]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]].''

==Dialogue==
:''[Sam's robot ferret is sent to retrieve Bugs, but he has built a robot rabbit to take his place]''
:'''Robot rabbit''': Eh, what's-up-doc?
:'''Robot ferret''': ''(Marvin the Martian-like voice)'' I'll-tell-you-what's-up. ''(pulls out a ray gun)'' Come-with-me-or-I'll-blast-you.
:'''Robot rabbit''': I'll-go-with-you-on-one-condition, that-you-don't-press-this-button.
:'''Robot ferret''': Oh-yeah? Well, no-Earth-robot-is-going-to-tell-me-what-button-to-press. I'm-a-pressing.
:''(a built-in mallet hits the ferret, and it falls apart, infuriating Sam)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines, after Yosemite was tricked into bringing a rabbit decoy into space]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Oh, high and mighty potentate, I brought back an Earth creature!
:'''Alien King''': Earth creature, step forward! ''[ticking sound is heard]'' What have you got to say for yourself? ''[BOOM!!!]'' Sheesh! Those Earth creatures always shooting off their mouths.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[chuckles; on the radio]'' I wonder if [[w:Amos 'n' Andy|Amos 'n' Andy]] is on yet?
:''[Then the closing credits' music begins]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[Bugs Bunny]] / Yosemite Sam / Robot ZX29B / Robot Ferret / Bugs Robot / Alien King.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0054030}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1960 films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comic science fiction short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated science fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Animated films about robots]]
[[Category:Films set in Washington (state)]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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      <text bytes="2498" sha1="hyv5rmy7birz55ilw5l6xjd0cg65zmg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Lighter than Hare title card.png|thumb|Title card.]]
'''''[[w:Lighter Than Hare|Lighter Than Hare]]''''' is a [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short that [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] wrote and directed. It was originally released on December 17, 1960. The title is a play on the phrase ''[[w:Lifting gas|lighter than air]]''. In the short, outer space invader Yosemite Sam wants to capture typical earth creature Bugs Bunny.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:John W. Burton (film producer)|John Burton, Sr.]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]].''

==Dialogue==
:''[Sam's robot ferret is sent to retrieve Bugs, but he has built a robot rabbit to take his place]''
:'''Robot rabbit''': Eh, what's-up-doc?
:'''Robot ferret''': ''(Marvin the Martian-like voice)'' I'll-tell-you-what's-up. ''(pulls out a ray gun)'' Come-with-me-or-I'll-blast-you.
:'''Robot rabbit''': I'll-go-with-you-on-one-condition, that-you-don't-press-this-button.
:'''Robot ferret''': Oh-yeah? Well, no-Earth-robot-is-going-to-tell-me-what-button-to-press. I'm-a-pressing.
:''(a built-in mallet hits the ferret, and it falls apart, infuriating Sam)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines, after Yosemite was tricked into bringing a rabbit decoy into space]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Oh, high and mighty potentate, I brought back an Earth creature!
:'''Alien King''': Earth creature, step forward! ''[ticking sound is heard]'' What have you got to say for yourself? ''[BOOM!!!]'' Sheesh! Those Earth creatures always shooting off their mouths.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[chuckles; on the radio]'' I wonder if [[w:Amos 'n' Andy|Amos 'n' Andy]] is on yet?
:''[Then the closing credits' music begins]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[Bugs Bunny]] / Yosemite Sam / Robot ZX29B / Robot Ferret / Bugs Robot / Alien King.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0054030}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1960 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comic science fiction short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated science fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Animated films about robots]]
[[Category:Films set in Washington (state)]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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[[File:Scoob Logo.png|thumb|Mystery Loves Company.]]
'''''[[w:Scoob!|Scoob!]]''''' is a 2020 American computer-animated adventure comedy film produced by the [[w:Warner Animation Group|Warner Animation Group]] and based on the ''[[Scooby-Doo]]'' franchise. It is a reboot of the [[w:Scooby-Doo in film|''Scooby-Doo'' film series]]. The plot follows as Scooby-Doo and the gang face their most challenging mystery ever: a plot to unleash the ghost dog Cerberus upon the world. As they race to stop this dogpocalypse, the gang discovers that Scooby has an epic destiny greater than anyone imagined. The films stars the voices of {{w|Will Forte}}, [[Mark Wahlberg]], {{w|Jason Isaacs}}, {{w|Gina Rodriguez}}, {{w|Zac Efron}}, {{w|Amanda Seyfried}}, {{w|Kiersey Clemons}}, {{w|Ken Jeong}}, {{w|Tracy Morgan}} and [[Frank Welker]] as Scooby-Doo.

''Scoob!'' released to video on demand and theaters on May 15, 2020 by [[w:Warner Bros. Pictures|Warner Bros. Pictures]]. It was initially set to play in theaters on the same date, but the theatrical release was canceled in response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

:''Directed by [[w:Spike Brandt and Tony Cervone|Tony Cervone]]. Written by [[w:Adam Sztykiel|Adam Sztykiel]], Jack Donaldson, Derek Elliott and Matt Lieberman, Based on the {{w|Scooby-Doo}} characters by the [[w:Hanna-Barbera|Hanna-Barbera]] Productions.''

{{center|'''Mystery Loves Company.'''&amp;nbsp; {{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
[[File:Reindeer Parade (10948678246).jpg|200px|right|thumb|Let's Scooby-Dooby-Do It!]]
*''[to Simon Cowell]'' No fries for you.
*FYI, you are officially out of... everything.
*Sand.
*That's what i said Raggy.
* We'll walked home.
*No thanks, Dastardly.
*Rokay Rick
*Rick with a D.
*Ra-Ra-Ra Rick
*Dastardly said I ''was'' the key.
*I want my Raggy!
*Raggy, you promised to never leave. Come home.
*Let's Scooby-Dooby Doo it!

=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
[[File:Cosplay at Polymanga 2016, Switzerland; February 2016 (43).jpg|200px|right|thumb|Zoinks! Like, slow down dude.]]
*Zoinks!
*Uh, guys, I think we've just found the world's smallest Walmart.
*''[after Scooby chooses to be with the Falcon Force]'' I never thought I'd say this, but Simon Cowell was right! You ''can't'' count on friendship!
*''[pleading to Brian Crown, Dynomutt and Dee Dee Skyes]'' I don't know, Why don't you ask Fred because right now, I need to tell Scoob— ''[been kicked by Dick Dastardly and captured Scooby-Doo who tricking him to disguise as Fred Jones]'' Dick Dastardly?!
* Stop, STOP IT ALL OF YOU! It's my fault. ''I'm'' to blame. I let my own jealousy break me and Scooby up. I was afraid that with his new suit and his new team, things were gonna change. And they did change. But, like, that's okay. People can grow. But it doesn't mean that we're growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby-Doo is my best friend. Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he'd never leave him no matter what. And I'm gonna keep that promise. Now, it's time we stop this mustachioed menace for opening the gates to the underpass... ('''Dee Dee:''' Underworld.) ...and letting loose the fearsome sippy-cup. ('''Dynomutt:''' Cerberus.) So what do you say we get out of Middle-earth... ('''Brian:''' Copyright infringement.) ...and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back! Who's with me? ('''Fred, Daphne, Velma, Brian, Dynomutt, and Dee Dee:''' We are!) Let's do this!

=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
[[File:SDCC 2014 - Fred and Daphne (7737411444).jpg|200px|right|thumb|Scooby-Doo has a first-class ticket to the ''dogpocalypse!'']]
* All right, everybody. I would like to pose to you all the question of questions. What's next for Mystery Inc.?
* Guys, guys, guys. The Mystery Machine needs a whole new... Needs a whole new everything, and I'm never gonna get that smell out.
* Shaggy and Scooby ''were'' taken?
* What would a creep like that want with Scooby and Shaggy?
* Congratulations, you two. You just saved the world.
* I have so many mixed feelings.
* ''[runs in front of Brian / Blue Falcon]'' Leave Shaggy Alone!
* Wait Chris? or Liam?
* ''[argues to Brian / Blue Falcon]'' Because of ''you'', Scooby-Doo has a first-class ticket to the ''dogpocalypse!''
* You shall be avenged. For the Mystery Machine!
* Sorry, gang. Never mess with another man's vehicle.

=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
[[File:Anime Expo 2011 - Daphne from Scooby Doo (5917928634).jpg|200px|right|thumb|I think it means that Scoob and Shaggy's friendship will live on... whether they're together or not.]]
*Is the bad guy my dad?
*Funny story, Officer. We were rushing to capture this evil villain who we thought was trying to kill our friends.
*Dastardly's going to use Scooby to unlock the Gates to the Underworld.
*Who's Muttley?
* Hey, get off of him!
* Oh, thank goodness. The gang is finally back together.
*I think it means that Scoob and Shaggy's friendship will live on... whether they're together or not.
*Hey, Dusty! Watch the shop, please.

=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
[[File:Long Beach Comic &amp; Horror Con 2011 - Velma from Scooby Doo (6301174573).jpg|200px|right|thumb|Jinkles!]]
*Jinkles!
* It's time to turn Mystery Inc. into a real business.
* This will not stand. Let’s go get that Dastardly dude.
* Alexander the Great built these gates to be locked only by him...and his dog Peritas. As the last descendant of Peritas... Scooby has to do it.
* How did you find us?
* Yeah, what kind of hero blames other people for his problems?
* Are we missing something? &quot;A pair whose friendship forever grows.&quot; [wipes her eyes] Does it mean something else?
* This makes no sense. How could ''he'' have time to judge the world's greatest talent shows and build a giant airship?

== {{w|Dick Dastardly}} ==
* ''[his first words]'' Nobody gets away from Dick Dastardly! Right, Rottens? I need what’s on that ship or I’ll never get my treasure. Do, Not, Fail, Me!
*Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Where are you?
*Give me that dog!
*Drat, drat, and double drat!
*You're mine, Scooby-Doo!
*''[to Fred, Daphne and Velma]'' You have the right to remain silent. And everything you said about my face will be used against you in a court of claw! ''[laughing]''
* That's right, and ''your'' &quot;foolish&quot; friend led ''me'' straight to ''you!''
* No, ''you'' are the key. Join ''me'', Scooby-Doo, and I will show you how to harness ''your'' destiny and become the most important dog in the world.
* ''[grabs Fred prepared a disguise of him]'' Poor man's Hemsworth stays with me.
* Oh I ''have'' a grand plans for Freddie Boy.
* ''[gets captured by Rottens]'' Put ''me'' down, '''''you'' traitorous tin cans!'''
* ''[failing his Simon Cowell's disguise]'' Drat! No one ''ever'' goes for the ''double'' unmasking.
* ''[in anger; last words before taken away alongside Muttley to custody by Brian / Blue Falcon, Dynomutt and Dee Dee Skyes his defeat]'' I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for ''you'' '''mismatched meddling miscreants!'''

=== [[Simon Cowell]] ===
* Oh, whoopee, a diner. I'll have a napkin and some hand sanitizer.
* Uh, congratulations, gentlemen. You are terrible.
* Every successful group requires hard work and determination. Identifying potential is what I do, and you have got it. Fred, you're the tank. The muscle.
* Daphne is the people person. The empath.
* And Velma's got the smarts and technical savvy.
* But you two aren't even listening. You're eating a clownishly oversized sandwich.
* Look, a group can only be as strong as its weakest links. Bottom line, I can't invest with these two involved.
* Literally, anything. You ''can't'' count on friendship. People change. And when you get into real trouble, friendship ''won't'' save the day.
* ''[last words]'' Thank you. I also played Rum Tum Tugger in my secondary school's production of &quot;[[Cats (musical)|Cats]]&quot;.

=== Officer Jaffe ===
* Pull over.
* Do you kids have any idea how fast you were going?
* Uh-huh. Step out of the vehicle. All of you.
* Ooh, dangerous. Sounds like he's a... handsome guy.
* Yeah, but in a cool way, like Gérard Depardieu.
* How dare you! ''[rippled herself off revealing Dastardly in disguise]''

=== Fred Jones ===
* Shaggy, Scooby-Doo is in grave danger, and Dastardly is on his way here right now, and he won't stop until he gets him. ('''Shaggy''': Dastardly? Then we can't let that happen.) Exactly! Now, take ''me'' to Scooby-Doo.

== Brian Crown / {{w|Blue Falcon}} ==
*Welcome to the Falcon Fury. Hang on, hang on. Turn on the lights. Where are my balloons, Dee Dee? When I say &quot;Falcon Fury&quot;, that's supposed to cue the balloons. Kieth, what is the deal up there, man?
* Who's Fred?
* There's something about the way ''he'' said, &quot;''do you?''&quot; and then laughed that makes me think ''he'' did something to ''our'' ship.
* Time for you to pay for ''your'' crimes, Dick Dastardly.

== {{w|Dynomutt}} ==
*I think you mean this ain't your daddy's Blue Falcon. Allow me to introduce you to Blue Falcon's large adult son, Brian.
* Where did that anachronistic van come from?

== {{w|Dee Dee Skyes}} ==
* Gentlemen, welcome aboard. I'm Dee Dee Skyes, pilot of the Falcon Fury.
* How'd he get the van to a prehistoric world hidden miles beneath the North Pole?

== {{w|Captain Caveman}} ==
* ''[meeting Scooby-Doo and Brian Crown / Blue Falcon]'' Hello! Your tiny little brains probably can't understand me, so I will speak slowly, so that you may process the welcoming tones of my voice.
* You can call me... ''[Activates his club, which opens to reveal a sledgehammered dinosaur, then jumps into the air]'' '''Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!''' ''[flies down and struck Brian Crown / Blue Falcon with his club, leaving half of his body in the ground]'' I know I'm small. It's a pituitary thing. ''[hits Brian Crown / Blue Falcon, sending him flying to a wall]'' Are you not entertained?!
* Who's your captain? ('''Cavewomen Cheerleaders''': Captain Caveman!)
* Wow, you're doing great. ''[Scooby-Doo launches a claw at him, but he grabs the string]'' I almost hate to do this to you. ''[pulls the string and spins Scooby-Doo]'' Spin it to win it!
* I love a challenge like I love dinosaur eggs, over-easy!
* ''[spots at the Mystery Machine]'' Dang, those are some dope wheels! ''[Dynomutt fires at him sending a wall inside]'' Whatever wheels are!

== {{w|Muttley}} ==
* Stupid robots.

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Scooby-Doo at Coldingham Beach - geograph.org.uk - 6398700.jpg|thumb|Dispatch! I've got a stray dog on a tube of compressed meat.]]
:''[Opening scene to Venice, California, as Tupac's &quot;California Love&quot; plays. We see dozens of sights before coming to Alexander’s Great Gyro. A huge roll of meat was then taken by a brown puppy.]''
:'''Young Scooby-Doo''': Rike!
:'''Restaurant Owner''': What?! You little mutt! Come back here! 
:'''Scooby''': Oh!
:'''Restaurant Owner''': Bring back ''my'' gyro!
:'''Woman''': Hey, watch it!
:'''Scooby''': Excuse me. Pardon me. Whoa!
:'''Man''': Hey!
:'''Scooby''': Sorry! 
:'''Man''': Bone-headed pooch!
:'''Scooby''': Ruh-roh!
:'''Officer Gary''': Dispatch! I've got a stray dog on a tube of compressed meat. ''[Scooby hops over the cop and rolls off while he gives chase on his bike.]'' I repeat, we’ve a grand theft gyro in progress! Hey! Slow down!
:''[The chase went down the sidewalk then down the skating rink. As they flew up in the air, they accidentally switched rides, with the cop on the gyro and Scooby on the bike.]''
:'''Officer Gary''': Huh?
:'''Scooby''': Yikes.
:''[They landed down and then flew back up. As they fly through the air...]''
:'''Officer Gary''': ''[in slow-mo]'' Hey!
:''[Scooby grabs back the gyro and gets on it as he and the officer land on the ground. The chase then continues down the streets of Venice, where they run past a lonely young boy named Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers, making him drop his food.]''
:'''Young Shaggy Rogers''': Zoinks! Like, slow down, dude. ''[He puts on his earbuds and gets out his cellphone. He activates a Backstreet Boys song, Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely, only to realize it was a mistake. He then switches to Three Dog Night’s One is the Loneliest Number. That didn’t do good either. Then, to Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton. None of the songs were helping the boy. So, he switches to a motivational podcast hosted by Ira Glass. As the young boy walks...]''
:'''[[Ira Glass]]''': ''[on radio]'' Hello, I’m Ira Glass. Welcome to another episode of my new podcast. Friends. Who needs ‘em? You do. This week’s challenge: put yourself out there. When the hand of friendship is offered to you, take it. You can do it. Now go. Make some friends.
:''[Young Shaggy was still sad, but he wanted to give it a chance. Back on the chase...]''
:'''Scooby''': ''[as he rolls past some people]'' Excuse me! Coming through!
:''[As the officer rode in, Scooby and the gyro were gone. He looks around, not knowing that they were hiding in the backs of two mounds of sand, one of which has seaweed on top.]''
:'''Scooby''': Phew. ''[Just then, the same boy Shaggy walks in and stops at the sand mounds.]'' Huh?
:'''Young Shaggy:''' Make friends. Check. ''[Soon, he makes a picnic with the sand mounds, now fitted with seashells for eyes and sand mouths. He grabs himself a sandwich as he starts to make conversation with the pretend friends.]'' Nice to meet you, Shelly and Sandy. How was your day? Oh, you want me to start? ''[Scooby started to listen through.]'' How polite, Sandy. Well, I told my mom I was meeting my friends at the beach, so if she asks, this technically counts as a playdate. But it’s all good. I like eating lunch by myself. ''[becomes sad]'' And hanging out by myself. And playing ping pong by myself. I lose a lot of balls.
:''[Shaggy looks sad. Scooby looks worried. He knows what it’s like to be alone. With a determined expression, he decides to get out of his hiding place. The puppy shows his face to the boy behind the sand mound. Shaggy looks up and notices in shock. They yelped at each other then blinked and stared. Shaggy sees that he’s staring at him. He then pushes his sandwich toward the puppy. He walks to him.]'' I got to warn you. It’s got gummi worms, tater tots, and ketchup leather. ''[Scooby was confused.]'' I know! No liverwurst. It’s not like me to forget the protein. ''[Scooby gets an idea. He walks away...]'' Yeah, I get it. Nobody likes my sandwiches. ''[...and returns with the gyro.]'' Whoa!
:''[Shaggy hands Scooby a fork and knife to cut off pieces of the gyro and place them in the sandwiches. They clink their sandwiches together and eat them in one gulp.]''
:'''Young Shaggy''': Mm. Is that peppercorn?
:'''Scooby''': Sand.
:''[The two giggle for a moment.]''
:'''Officer Gary''': There you are! ''[They yelp and Scooby leaps into the boy’s arms. The officer had found Scooby at last.]'' This mangy stray's done enough damage for today. He's coming with me.
:'''Young Shaggy''':  He's not a stray.
:'''Officer Gary''': Is he your dog?
:'''Young Shaggy''': He is, like, totally mine. ''[to Scooby]'' If you wanna be.
:'''Scooby''': I'd like that very much.
:'''Officer Gary''': Okay, then. What's his name?
:'''Scooby''': I don't have one.
:'''Young Shaggy''':  His name's... ''[As he tries to think up a name, he looks down on a box of Scooby Snacks and gets an idea.]'' Snacks.
:'''Officer Gary''': What?
:'''Scooby''': Snacks?
:'''Young Shaggy''': Uh, I mean... Scooby!
:'''Officer Gary''': Middle name?
:'''Young Shaggy''': Dooby?
:'''Officer Gary''': Last name.
:'''Young Shaggy''': Doo.
:'''Officer Gary''': All right. If the dog has a middle name, there's no punishment for damages or theft. I don't like it, but them's the laws. Well, have a good day, sir. Mr. Dooby-Doo. ''[gets on his bike and pedals off. The two laugh.]''
:'''Young Shaggy''': I'm Norville, but everyone calls me Shaggy.
:'''Scooby''': Raggy.
:'''Young Shaggy''': ''[laughs]'' No, it's Shaggy.
:'''Scooby''': That's what I said. Raggy.
:'''Young Shaggy''': We'll work on it.
:''[The two fist-bump.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred Jones''': All right, everybody. I would like to pose to you all the question of questions. What's next for Mystery Inc.? 
:'''Shaggy Rogers''': Ooh, I totally have the answer. Lunch.
:'''Daphne Blake''': No, Shaggy, I think what Fred means is that...
:'''Scooby-Doo''': I was also gonna say lunch.
:'''Fred''': Guys, guys, guys. The Mystery Machine needs a whole new... Needs a whole new everything, and I'm never gonna get that smell out. 
:'''Scooby''': I told you I needed a walk. 
:'''Velma Dinkley''': It's time to turn Mystery Inc. into a real business. 
:'''Shaggy''': What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes? 
:'''Daphne''': Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
:'''Scooby''': I handle our accounting. 
:'''Velma''': Look, we're ready to take on bigger cases, scarier villains, and creepier mysteries, but that takes money. Fortunately, we found a possible investor. 
:'''[[Simon Cowell]]''': ''[comes in the diner and sits down with them]'' Oh, whoopee, a diner. I'll have a napkin and some hand sanitizer. 
:'''Shaggy''': Whoa, man! It's Simon Cowell. ''[pulls out his phone and plays ''Shallow'' by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper]''
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': ''[singing]'' In the shallow In the shallow
:'''Shaggy''': ''[continues singing]'' I'm off the deep end watch as I dive in...
:'''Simon Cowell''': Uh, congratulations, gentlemen. You are terrible.
:'''Fred''': How does he do that? See, he's mean, but he makes it fun. 
:'''Velma''': We appreciate your interest in Mystery Inc., Mr. Cowell. 
:'''Simon Cowell''': Every successful group requires hard work and determination. Identifying potential is what I do, and you have got it. Fred, you're the tank. The muscle.
:'''Fred''': Cool.
:'''Simon Cowell''': Daphne is the people person. The empath. 
:'''Daphne''': Aw. 
:'''Simon Cowell''': And Velma's got the smarts and technical savvy. 
:'''Velma''': Thanks. 
:'''Simon Cowell''': But you two aren't even listening. You're eating a clownishly oversized sandwich.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, sorry, man. You lost us at, &quot;Hard work and determination.&quot;
:'''Scooby''': But you got us back at &quot;sandwich.&quot; 
:'''Simon Cowell''': Look, a group can only be as strong as its weakest links. Bottom line, I can't invest with these two involved. 
:'''Daphne''': But, Mr. Cowell, Shaggy and Scooby are our best friends.
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah, and like, what's more valuable than friendship? 
:'''Simon Cowell''': Literally, anything. You ''can't'' count on friendship. People change. And when you get into real trouble, friendship ''won't'' save the day. 
:'''Shaggy''': Like, we don't need this, Scoob. Let's bounce. 
:'''Scooby''': Yeah, we know when we're not wanted. ''[he and Shaggy leave the diner]''
:'''Daphne''': No. Ugh. Wait.
:'''Fred''': Come on, guys. 
:'''Velma''': He didn't mean it. 
:'''Scooby''': ''[comes back for the fries]'' No fries for ''you''. Hmm! ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Dude, hang on. Do you realize where we are?
:'''Scooby''': No.
:'''Shaggy''': Look around, man. The clean modern aesthetic. The cool blue color palette. We're in…
:'''Scooby''': [[w:IKEA|IKEA]]!
:'''Shaggy''': The Falcon Fury! Did you say &quot;IKEA&quot;?
:'''Scooby''': Nope. I said &quot;Falcon Fury&quot;. Just like you.
:''[The doors open and Dee Dee Skyes comes to them]''
:'''Dee Dee Skyes''': Gentlemen, welcome aboard. I'm Dee Dee Skyes, pilot of the Falcon Fury.
:'''Shaggy''': Well, we're Scoob—
:'''Dee Dee''': Scooby and Shaggy. We know. Follow me.
:'''Scooby''': Who sent those robots?
:'''Dee Dee''': It's this guy named Dick Dastardly. Shocker! He's a psychotic supervillain. He's trying to ''[mimics cut-throat]'' you.
:'''Shaggy''': Scoob, somebody thinks we're important enough to ''[mimics cut-throat]''.
:'''Scooby''': It's nice to be wanted.
:'''Dee Dee''': Mm, I hear that.
:''[They enter the control room as Shaggy and Scooby are amazed at it]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Yes, I know it's super cool in here, and I would totally let you guys touch random buttons, but they told me we need to move. ''[The lights turn off]'' Seriously? We're doing this now?
:'''Shaggy''': Ooh, is it him? Is it him?
:'''Dee Dee''' Yep. He likes to make an entrance.
:'''Keith''': ''[voice]'' Ladies and gentlemen, since the dawn of time, the falcon has been worshiped as a symbol of freedom and victory.  Now, a new kind of falcon rules the sky. And he is one bad mamma jamma.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Blue Falcon!
:''[''All I Do is Win'' by DJ Khaled ft. Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain and Snoop Dogg plays as Blue Falcon makes an awesome entrance.]''
:'''Blue Falcon''': Welcome to the Falcon Fury. ''[poses; Shaggy and Scooby shudder excitedly]'' Hang on, hang on. Turn on the lights. ''[The lights turn back on]'' Where are my balloons, Dee Dee? When I say &quot;Falcon Fury&quot;, that's supposed to cue the balloons. Keith, what is the deal up there, man?
:'''Keith''': ''[voice]'' I missed the cue.
:'''Blue Falcon''': Duh. You've got one job, pal. Anyway, welcome aboard, I'm Blue Falcon.
:'''Scooby''': No, you're not.
:'''Blue Falcon''' Yes, I am.
:'''Dee Dee''': I told you I wasn't going to be the only one who noticed.
:'''Shaggy''': No, Blue Falcon's suit has a bigger red &quot;F&quot; on the chest, and it's way less, uh, scaly.
:'''Blue Falcon''': They're feathers, all right? And it's called an upgrade. This ain't your daddy's Blue Falcon.
:'''Dynomutt''': I think you mean this ain't ''your'' daddy's Blue Falcon. Allow me to introduce you to Blue Falcon's large adult son, Brian.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': Dynomutt!
:'''Blue Falcon ''[whose real name is Brian Crown]''''': Oh, him you recognize?
:'''Shaggy''': Well, sure, man. Dynomutt is the dog wonder. Blue Falcon doesn't go ''anywhere'' without him.
:'''Dynomutt''': And yet, here I am... without him.
:''[Scooby pinches Shaggy]''
:'''Shaggy''': Ow! What was that for?!
:'''Scooby''': Making sure this isn't a dream.
:'''Shaggy''': You're supposed to pinch ''yourself.''
:''[They start to pinch each other until Dee Dee clears her throat as they stop]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Finished?
:'''Scooby''': ''[pinches Shaggy one last time]'' Yes.
:'''Shaggy''': Wait, Brian...
:'''Brian''': Blue Falcon.
:'''Shaggy''': If you're Blue Falcon now...
:'''Brian''': I am.
:'''Shaggy''': Does that mean...?
:'''Brian''': Yes. Regretfully, my father has moved on to a better place. ''[kisses the air]''
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, no!
:'''Brian''': What?! Oh, no, he's not dead, he retired to [[w:Palm Beach, Florida|Palm Beach]].
:'''Dynomutt''': We still miss him very, very, very, very, very...
:'''Brian''': Oh, no, he's glitching.
:'''Dynomutt''': No, I'm not. Let me finish. ...very, very, very much.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dick Dastardly''': Nobody gets away from Dick Dastardly! Right, Rottens? ''[His robotic henchmen salute him.]'' I need what’s on that ship or I’ll never get my treasure. Do. Not. Fail. Me!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, Fred, Velma, and Daphne talk to Judy Takamoto in the Takamoto Bowl.]''
:'''Judy''': Well, uh, the robots attacked these weird kids, a talking dog and a gangly dude that had this habit of using the word &quot;like&quot; at the start of every sentence. Almost as if he was some middle-aged man's idea of how a teenage hippie talks.  
:'''Daphne''': Oh, that's Scoob and Shaggy all right.  
:'''Fred''': So, what happened?
:'''Judy''': I don’t know. They seemed pretty bummed out. I guess their friends dumped them in a cold-hearted way or something. And then this blue light came down from the sky and beamed them up.
:'''Fred''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, Shaggy and Scooby ''were'' taken?
:'''Judy''': Yeah… I have to assume that if they were with their friends, they wouldn’t have been kidnapped.
:'''Daphne''': ''[hyperventilating]'' I can't...  I can't breathe.
:'''Judy''': Whoever those friends are must be carrying a ton of guilt on their shoulders right about now.
:'''Velma''': Okay, can you skip the emotional punishment and describe the robots, please?
:'''Judy''': Yeah, sure. They look like what’s in this box. ''[gets out a box with the broken robot inside.]''
:'''Fred, Daphne, and Velma''': ''[in unison]'' Whoa!
:''[Outside, the trio were in the Mystery Machine, examining the robot.]''
:'''Velma''': ''[offscreen]'' Guys, this thing is increíble. ''[inside; while examining the robot]'' It’s fully autonomous and capable of modifying its external appearance. I’d like to shake the hand of whoever created this. ''[Fred and Daphne stare at her in shock.]'' And then, you know, throw that hand in prison for trying to kill our friends. Right? Am I right?
:'''Daphne''': ''[notices something]'' Ew.. Is that a hair?
:''[Velma notices a strand of hair on the robot’s claw. She uses some tweezers to pluck it out like a guitar string.]''
:'''Velma''': Maybe this can lead us to our culprit.
:'''Fred''': ''[disgusted]'' What are you doing? You're touching it with bare fingers.  
:'''Velma''': Grow up, Fred. ''[as she puts it in a machine]'' Do you know how many stray hairs the average human eats every day without knowing it?
:'''Fred''': If it's more than zero, I don't wanna know. ''[shudders]''
:'''Velma''': It's more. Much, much more. ''[As she puts the hair in the machine, it scans the hair strand until binary code in a receipt comes out.]'' Huh. Trace amounts of mustache oil, twelve-year-old scotch...
:'''Daphne''': Ugh… is the bad guy my dad?
:'''Velma''': There are also some microscopic soil particles. Composition is a mix of arsenic, selenium, and… Coppertone SPF 50.
:'''Fred''': Anything over 30 is a waste.
:'''Velma''': I’ll see if the combination of these elements matches the geographical location. ''[types in the computer]'' And… bingo! ''[She finds the location in a junkyard called Dastardly Demolition.]'' Dastardly Demolition. County records. Last known owner is… ''[Dastardly’s pic and info appear]'' Dick Dastardly.
:'''Fred''': What would a creep like that want with Scooby and Shaggy?
:'''Velma''': Hmm… let’s see what the police department database has to say. ''[finds the info]'' Ooh! Quite a rep sheet. It looks like he’s wanted for the theft of archeological artifacts from a dig in Peru. ''[She clicks on a video of Dastardly stealing a first skull of Cerberus.]''
:'''Dastardly [on footage]''': Tatty bye! ''[evilly laughs]''
:'''Velma''': That looks like a giant dog skull.
:'''Daphne''': Weird.
:'''Velma''': It gets weirder. He also stole the genealogical records of a dozen dogs from the Global Kennel Club. And apparently, he’s been stealing Netflix by using his mother’s account.
:'''Daphne''': ''[gasps]'' That is not fair for the rest of us to have to pay for Netflix!
:'''Fred''': You have to pay for Netflix?!
:'''Velma''': This will not stand. Let’s go get that Dastardly dude.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dee Dee''': To find the second skull, I'm searching every possible location with high fossil density.
:'''Dynomutt''': Brian, quit putting filters on your selfies and get in the game.
:'''Brian''': Woah, woah, what do you think I'm doing? I'm putting my social media feelers out there, Dynobutt.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[offscreen]'' Found it!
:'''Brian''': The second skull?
:'''Shaggy''': No, even better. ''[carrying a lot of food with Scooby]''
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': The Falcon Fridge!
:'''Scooby''': FYI, you are officially out of... everything. ''[they giggle]''
:'''Brian''': Yes, I love these guys!
:'''Dynomutt''': I'm busting my tail to save the world for him, and he loves the guys who brought treats.
:'''Shaggy''': Prepare your taste buds for a Scoob-Shag specialty.
:''[They both put a lot of ice cream with a jalapeño pepper on top]''
:'''Brian''': Woah, woah! You put jalapeño peppers on your ice cream?
:'''Scooby''': Heat and sweet.
:'''Shaggy''' It's our signature dessert.
:'''Dynomutt and Dee Dee''': Heat signature!
:'''Dee Dee''': That's it! You guys are geniuses!
:'''Scooby''': ''[chuckles]'' We're geniuses.
:'''Shaggy''': Take that, Simon Cowell! ''[they fist bump]''
:'''Dynomutt''': The supernatural energy in that skull would give about a specific heat signature.
:'''Dee Dee''': All we gotta do is locate that spot. ''[locates the location of the second Cerberus skull, which reveals to them]'' Boom! The skull is in [[w:Gobi Desert|the Gobi Desert]].
:'''Brian''': ''[imitates buzzer]'' Incorrect. I just found out where the skull is, and it's ''not'' in the Gobi Desert. It's in {{w|Romania}}.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, how do you know?
:'''Brian''': A hero never reveals his secrets.
:'''Dynomutt''': I believe you're thinking of magicians.
:'''Brian''': I'm always thinking of magicians. But as you must know, I just got a DM from one of my fans who gave me the locayshe.
:'''Dynomutt''': Brian, those are a lot of words no one your age should be using.
:'''Dee Dee''': Sir, this could be a trap set by Dastardly.
:'''Brian''': If it was a trap, why would Anonymous use his own name?
:'''Dee Dee''': Wait, do you think &quot;Anonymous&quot; is the name of a person?
:'''Brian''': Well, based on your tone of voice, I don't anymore.
:'''Dee Dee''': Sir, we should ''really'' go to the Gobi Desert.
:'''Brian''': I hear you. You make a valid point, but we're gonna do my thing, okay? To the Falcon Nest!
:'''Dynomutt''': Brian, last time you listened to someone on the Internet, you thought [[w:Tinder (app)|Tinder]] was an app that delivers firewood.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Elsewhere, on the Mystery Machine...]''
:'''Fred''': Velma, what do you get?
:'''Velma''': I built a sequencing program to cross-match the biographical data that Dastardly stole from the canine registry ''against'' Scooby-Doo.
:'''Fred''': Good thing I’m the tank because I could not do any of that.
:'''Daphne''': Any leads?
:'''Velma''': All the dogs, and Scooby, seem to be related.  
:'''Daphne''': Jeepers.
:'''Velma''': If I take Dastardly's work and follow the trail... ''[She scrolls from a pic of Scooby through a long line of descendants until she finds an ancient drawing of...]'' Whoa! Scooby-Doo is the last descendant of [[w:Peritas|Peritas]]?!
:'''Daphne''': Who’s Peritas?
:'''Velma''': He was [[Alexander the Great|Alexander the Great's]] dog.
:''[On the robot, unaware of it spying on them while broken...]''
:'''Daphne''': Okay, so, Scooby is related to some ancient dog.
:'''Fred''': So, what does that mean?
:'''Velma''': I have no idea.
:'''Daphne''': Guys! This is the most important mystery ever.
:'''Fred''': Yeah. This isn’t about some guy in a rubber mask.
:'''Daphne''': It’s about one of us.
:'''Velma''': Fred, how much longer to Dastardly Demolition?
:'''Fred''': I know a shortcut. ''[drives down a road on the right.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[They arrive in the abandoned amusement park, Funland, in Romania as Brian and Dynomutt step out of the Falcon Fury]''
:'''Brian''': Hustle, you two, we haven't got all day!
:'''Scooby''': ''[whimpers]'' Second thoughts?
:'''Shaggy''': Honestly, buddy, I'm on my 4th or 5th thoughts.
:''[They follow Brian and Dynomutt and went into the amusement park to investigate and find the second skull of Cerberus]''
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, man. This amusement park isn't very amusing. ''[Scooby whimpers]''
:'''Brian''': According to Anonymous, the second skull should be right here.
:''[They look up and see Dastardly's Mean Machine arriving]''
:'''Brian''': Hey, did Dastardly get the anonymous tip, too?
:''[Scooby, Shaggy and Dynomutt glare at him]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[laughing as he comes out of the Mean Machine with the Rottens while holding a flying Rotten]'' You dim-witted do-gooders, I've already retrieved the second skull from the Gobi Desert!
:'''Dee Dee''': Gobi Desert. Hmm. Where have I heard that before? Oh, right, me! ''[Flies into the amusement park]''
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[activating his missiles]'' Okay, Brian, we've had our differences, but this is the moment where we stand together, and—
:'''Brian''': RUN!
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[sees Scooby, Shaggy and Brian running away; annoyingly]'' Classic Brian. ''[running from the Rottens]'' Dee Dee, you cover Shaggy and Scooby, and I'll run interference.
:''[As Scooby and Shaggy continue running away, Dee Dee flies and fires some of the Rottens and parts of the Mean Machine as Dastardly lowers down and lands to the ground]''
:'''Dastardly''': Stop right there, you filthy animal, and your dog, too!
:'''Shaggy''': This way!
:''[They run into an arcade and barricade the door with old video games, but as one Rotten's head pops out of a whack-a-mole game, they grab mallets and start hitting the Rotten's heads every time they show up, and thus winning points and tickets, then one Rotten shows in it's cute form. They are awed by it at first, but Shaggy hits it with his mallet.]''
:'''Shaggy''': Ha ha! Weak link, my butt.
:''[Dastardly kicks the door open and aims his laser at them]''
:'''Shaggy''': Woah, dude! What do ''you'' want with us?
:'''Dastardly''': ''[chuckles]'' I don't care about ''you.'' You're not ''remotely'' important. It's the ''dog'' I need. ''[fires his laser at Shaggy, which sends him flying]''
:'''Shaggy''': Aaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Scooby''': RAGGY!
:'''Dastardly''': ''[charging to try to grab Scooby]'' Stay! Sit! Heel! ''[Scooby escapes]'' Did nobody train this thing?!
:''[Shaggy continues flying until he lands on the Ferris wheel where Brian is hiding.]''
:'''Brian''': Oh, hey. Look, I know it looks like I'm hiding, but this is actually a superior vantage point.
:''[Scooby runs away from the Rottens, but they corner him, and Scooby runs inside a house of mirrors, which Dastardly is inside and appears in many mirrors.]''
:'''Dastardly''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo! Where are you? ''[Scooby gasps]'' Come on now. Don't be scared. I love dogs. I had a dog myself once. He was an ill-tempered brute with a ghastly underbite, who stunk and caused me endless headaches. ''He's'' lost now.
:'''Scooby''': Is he chipped?
:'''Dastardly''': Forget about him. It's all about ''you.'' You, my friend, are special. You see, within you lies a key.
:'''Scooby''': But, I don't have ''your'' key. No pockets.
:'''Dastardly''': No, you ''are'' the key. ''[chuckles]'' Join me, Scooby-Doo, and I will show ''you'' how to harness ''your'' destiny, and become the most important dog in the world.
:'''Scooby''': No thanks, Dastardly.
:'''Dastardly''': Oh, please. My friends call me... ''[reveals himself]'' Dick.
:'''Scooby''': R'OK, Rick.
:'''Dastardly''': No, I'm not Rick. I'm Dick with a D.
:'''Scooby''': Rick with a D.
:'''Dastardly''': ''[grumbles]'' Da-Da-Da-Dick.
:'''Scooby''': Ra-ra-ra-Rick.
:'''Dastardly''': '''Dick, Dick, *DIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!*''' ''[Hears the sounds of a door closing and realizes that Scooby escaped using the exit door]'' Drat.
:''[The Rottens fire at the Ferris wheel]''
:'''Shaggy''': Brian, do something!
:'''Brian''': Like what?!
:'''Shaggy''': Like drop some F-bombs!
:'''Brian''': Hey man, whoa, let's keep it PG!
:'''Shaggy''': No! Falcon bombs!
:'''Brian''': You know, my utility belt has so many pouches.
:'''Shaggy''': There right there!
:'''Brian''': Oh! ''[pulls out his falcon bomb]'' 12,000,000,000,000 volts, brother. You wanna throw it?
:'''Shaggy''': Do I ever! ''[grabs the falcon bomb and lights it]'' Bombs away!
:''[He throws the falcon bomb, but it hits an edge and lands back in, then they frantically play Hot Potato with the falcon bomb until Shaggy throws it down the controls, which explodes and lights up the Ferris wheel and it's bolt detaches, making the Ferris wheel roll with them still on it screaming]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[searching for Scooby-Doo]'' Here boy! Where are you?
:''[Scooby slowly pops out of a bumper car where he's hiding and sighs in relief, thinking he lost him, but he turns, sees Dastardly right in front of him and screams.]''
:'''Scooby''': Ahhh!
:'''Dastardly''': You're mine, Scooby-Doo!
:''[Dynomutt kicks Dastardly]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Sit! ''[Dastardly lands behind another bumper car]'' Good boy. You can start screaming... ''[activates his boosters]'' ...now.
:''[They escape on Scooby's bumper car as the Rottens get under Dastardly's bumper car]''
:'''Dastardly''': Follow that dog!
:''[They follow Scooby and Dynomutt in hot pursuit as the Ferris wheel continues to roll until it hits a roller coaster, sending Shaggy and Brian to a roller coaster car, which it rolls on the roller coaster]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Brian!
:'''Scooby''': ''[gasps]'' Raggy!
:''[They follow them on the roller coaster car as Dastardly follows them on the roller coaster]''
:'''Shaggy''': I hate the loops! ''[they went over the loop, which sends them falling off the roller coaster car and into Scooby's bumper car]''
:'''Dastardly''': Give ''me'' that dog!
:'''Scooby''': Raggy!
:'''Shaggy''': Scooby!
:'''Brian''': Everybody say, &quot;#FoxyFalcon!&quot;
:'''Scooby, Shaggy and Dynomutt''': #FoxyFalcon!
:''[They ride off the track, sending them flying, but the tractor beam pulls them up into the Falcon Fury, leaving Dastardly falling with his bumper car]''
:'''Dastardly''': DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!! ''[lands on the ground, leaving his impact silhouette on it]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In the Falcon Fury, the car floats in the air while Scooby and Shaggy float up.]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[unamused]'' Not again.
:''[They then fall to the floor.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Dastardly will be back. Please tell me you got some leads?
:'''Scooby''': Dastardly said I ''was'' the key.
:'''Dee Dee''': The key to what?
:'''Brian''': Ah-ha! I knew this guy was special!
:'''Dynomutt''': Why? Because the bad guy said so?
:'''Brian''': Exactly. ''[to Shaggy]'' What did Dastardly say about ''you''?
:'''Shaggy''': Well, I believe his exact words were, &quot;I don't care about ''you''. You're not ''remotely'' important.&quot; And, &quot;It's the ''dog'' I need.&quot;
:'''Brian''': Harsh.
:'''Shaggy''': Then ''he'' shot me through the wall.
:'''Brian''': Really harsh. But, on the bright side, your friend here is super important. Now let's get that dog a hero suit!  
:'''Shaggy''': Huh?
:'''Dynomutt''': Shouldn’t we be focusing on finding that third skull before Dastardly?
:'''Dee Dee''': Or why Scooby is so important? It could be a clue to...
:'''Brian''': Details. Alright, first things first. Come on, Scooby-Doo!
:'''Scooby''': Cool! ''[walks off with Brian]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[confused]'' Uh...  Right behind you, Scoob. ''[He, Dee Dee and Dynomutt followed]''
:''[Meanwhile, on the Dick Dastardly-like crater, the villain gets himself up.]''
:'''Dastardly''': Drat, drat, and double drat! ''[Dick’s watch rings. He answers.]'' What is it?
:''[The red damaged bot was on his watch, telling them about...]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[gasps; gets an idea]'' Scooby-Doo’s friends. How perfect! Send ''me'' their location immediately!
:''[The red bot was transferring Mystery Inc’s location.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Brian''': Hey.
:'''Shaggy''': Hey.
:'''Brian''': You’re feeling left out. I get it. Totally natural when some buddies realize that one of them is destined for greatness and the other one is destined for… you know, other stuff. Look, the point is, I got you something, too. ''[to Keith]'' Keith. Give it to me. ''[a basket of stuff is dropped to him]'' My Blue Falcon Confidence Pack. Retails for $99.95. You got your Blue Falcon Nutrition Guide, Blue Falcon resistance bands, a copy of my dad's autobiography, No Falcon Around, and my light-hearted follow-up, Just Falcon Around.  
:'''Shaggy''': Oh, thanks, man. It means a lot to hear that from you.  
:'''Brian''': How do you mean?
:'''Shaggy''': Well, you know, we both struggle with confidence. When Dastardly attacked, we were both freaking out and hiding.
:'''Brian''': Hey! It was a superior vantage point!  
:'''Shaggy''': But, like, your father was this great hero, right? So, like, you're expected to be one, too, and those are big shoes to fill. ''[as Brian is listening in sadness]'' I mean, the pressure is monumental. Not to mention the imposter's syndrome that comes with the territory. How do you breathe under the weight of all that?
:'''Brian''': Uh… ''[He doesn’t know what to say from Shaggy’s statement, so he hangs his head back and sighs as his hover seat moves away.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[offscreen]'' Dyno, what do you got? ''[Shaggy sees Scooby with Dee Dee and Dynomutt.]''
:'''Dynomutt''': The signal’s too weak. I can’t lock in the exact coordinates. So, I’m gonna cross-check the triangulation patterns.
:'''Scooby''': Ooh! Super cool!
:'''Dee Dee''': Better than bowling, huh?
:''[Shaggy sighs in deep sadness.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, the Mystery Machine was still on the road.]''
:'''Daphne''': Hurry, Fred! Shaggy and Scooby are in trouble and your shortcut to Dastardly Demolition is taking forever!
:'''Velma''': Technically, this route is 73 meters longer than the highway.
:'''Fred''': Meters, Velma? I don’t even know what that means. What are we, in Europe? ''[He steers the van around some passing cars.]''
:'''Velma''': You know, for the record, it’s a quantitatively superior measurement system. Get with the program, Fred.
:'''Fred''': Oh, you mean like your program? ''[imitates Velma]'' I’m Velma! Beep boop bop. The world is ones and zeroes.
:'''Velma''': Maybe if you spend more time reading books, then…
:'''Daphne''': Guys! Stop. Why are we fighting?
:'''Fred, Daphne, and Velma''': ''[realized]'' We didn’t eat lunch!
:'''Fred''': Oh, we’re just hangry.
:'''Velma''': Ever since Shag and Scoob disappeared, there’s been no one to feed us ridiculous sandwiches for breakfast.
:'''Daphne''': ''[sighs]'' I miss them.
:'''Fred''': Oh, me too. Those little butter spreads on top of the best.
:'''Daphne''': No, the guys. Not the sandwiches.
:'''Velma''': I miss them, too.
:''[Velma pulls out her phone to show some photos of Scooby and Shaggy before coming to a recorded video. It shows Mystery Inc getting ready to take a group selfie.]''
:'''Shaggy [on video]''': Ready?
:'''Scooby [on video]''': Ready!
:''[Everyone made big smiles, unaware that it was on video.]''
:'''Daphne [on video]''': Okay, Shaggy, take the picture.  
:'''Fred [on video]''': Hurry up and take it. This hurts my face.  
:'''Velma [on video]''': Shaggy, you have it on video.
:'''Shaggy [on video]''': Oops! Sorry.
:''[He turns off the recording. Then, a text appears showing the two with Blue Falcon and Dynomutt.]''
:'''Velma''': Jinkies! Scooby and Shaggy are with Blue Falcon?
:'''Fred''': Of course! Blue light, beamed up. That’s the Falcon Fury!
:'''Velma''': How do you know so much about superheroes and so little about the metric system?
:'''Fred''': Because I am an American man.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, I’m so happy they’re okay!
:''[Just then, they hear a police siren behind them.]''
:'''Velma''': Oh, no.
:'''Jaffe''': ''[offscreen]'' Pull over.
:'''Fred''': Oh, boy.
:''[They pull over at the side of the road.]''
:'''Fred''': Okay, guys, let me do the talking. I've seen cops like six times. So I know exactly what to say. Good evening, Officer... ''[As he looked at the officer, it was actually a female officer.]''
:'''Daphne''': Fred, say something!
:'''Fred''': Hi.
:'''Jaffe''': Do you kids have any idea how fast you were going? ''[The racing car speeds passes]''
:'''Fred''': Was it, uh, too fast? 
:'''Daphne''': ''[groans]'' Funny story, Officer. We were rushing to capture this evil villain who we thought was trying to kill our friends.
:'''Jaffe''': Uh-huh. Step out of the vehicle. All of you.
:''[Fred, Daphne and Velma gets out of the Mystery Machine]''
:'''Velma''': You've gotta believe us, Officer. This guy is really dangerous.
:'''Jaffe''': Ooh, dangerous. Sounds like he's a... handsome guy.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, no, no. Bulbous nose. Huge chin.  
:'''Jaffe''': Yeah, but in a cool way, like [[Gérard Depardieu]].
:'''Daphne''': No, in a super gross way.  
:'''Velma''': Like a rat and a mound of hair had a baby. 
:'''Jaffe''': ''[in Dastardly's voice]'' ''How dare you!'' ''[rips herself off, revealing Dastardly]''
:'''Daphne and Velma''': ''[In unison, shocked]'' Dick Dastardly?!
:'''Fred''': ''[shocked]'' I’ve so many… mixed feelings.
:'''Velma''': How did ''you'' find us?
:'''Dastardly''': Oh, let’s just say I had… ''[opens the front door of the Mystery Machine]'' ...inside information.
:''[The red bot climbs out of the Mystery Machine and turns to the scorpion bot. Two more come out of the back of the police cruiser. Wasp bots flew out of the police car as well.]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''You'' have the right to remain silent. ''[The robots chased after Fred, Daphne and Velma.]'' And everything ''you'' said about ''my'' face! ''[They pin Fred, Daphne and Velma down on the ground.]'' Will be used ''against you'' in a court of claw! ''[The giant claw from the Mean Machine above comes down and grabs the Mystery Machine going up and the robots takes Fred, Daphne and Velma up to the airship.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Back in the Falcon Fury, Scooby looks at his new costume in the mirror.]''
:'''Scooby''': Does this make my ears look big?
:'''Shaggy''': ''[offscreen]'' Makes your ego look big.
:'''Scooby''': What did ''you'' say?
:'''Shaggy''': I said, uh, fine. You look fine.
:'''Scooby''': It sounded like you said “ego”.
:'''Shaggy''': Nope. Must be in your head.
:'''Scooby''': Hm.
:'''Shaggy''': Your giant and inflated head.
:'''Scooby''': What?!
:'''Shaggy''': Nothing.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[offscreen]'' Scooby! We need you!
:''[Scooby runs off while Shaggy sighs.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Fred''': Velma?
:''[Velma comes to Fred and they see a study board of the history of Cerberus. The gang were in awe.]''
:'''Fred''': ''[grabs a pic of an ancient lock]'' Check it. That's a lock. But to where?
:'''Daphne''': ''[sees another pic and gasps]'' The Gates to the Underworld.
:'''Velma''': ''[serious face]'' It all makes sense now…
:'''Fred''': Oh, boy. That's the serious face.  We always get in trouble after that face.
:'''Velma''': Alexander the Great and Peritas conquered the world  and built the gates to protect their enormous treasure. That's where the lock comes in. Only Alexander or Peritas can unlock it.  Or one of their descendants.
:'''Daphne''': ''[gasps]'' Dastardly's going to use Scooby to unlock the Gates to the Underworld.
:'''Fred''': So what? What happens then?
:'''Velma''': Then all hell breaks loose. Literally. There's more than treasure behind those gates.
:'''Fred''': Aw, jinkies. ''[Velma looks at him funny]'' What? I’m sorry! Someone had to say it.
:'''Velma''': Look over there.
:''[They find a memorial shrine with memorabilia like an old flight helmet, a stuffed pigeon, and a portrait of a dog named Muttley. Next to it shows Dick and Muttley on a magazine.]''
:'''Daphne and Velma''': Whoa.
:''[Daphne sees a dog bowl on the desk and picks it up. she reads the name on the bowl]''
:'''Daphne''': &quot;Muttley.&quot;
:''[Suddenly the door opens they see Dastardly and the Rottens burst into the room.]''
:'''Dastardly''': Put that down! ''[Fred puts the pic in his shirt while he snatches the bowl.]'' ''You'' have no right to be in here, Mystery Morons!
:'''Fred''': It’s Mystery Inc!
:'''Velma''': Yeah, Fred, he knows.
:'''Daphne''': Who is Muttley?
:'''Dastardly''': ''[puts the bowl on the table and looks at portrait of Muttley]'' Muttley was my partner, my criminal co-conspirator, until... until...
:''[Flashback begins with a portal to the underworld opening]''
:'''Dastardly [voice-over]''': I opened a portal, a back door to the underworld, and through it, a glowing gold vision. ''[He and Muttley laugh and celebrate, then he throws Muttley to fetch gold for him]'' As I was about to enter, Muttley insisted on taking the risk himself.
:'''Muttley''': ''[grumbling]'' Rasm-Frasm. Ingrate. ''[He feels a forcefield in the portal]''
:'''Dastardly [voice-over]''': I pleaded to him, &quot;Muttley, please don't do this.&quot; But no, the flatulent fleabag wouldn't listen to reason.
:'''Muttley''': ''[grumbles as he enters the underworld through the portal and takes the treasure]'' Ta-da!
:'''Dastardly''': Good boy, Muttley. Bring it. Yes, yes, come on.
:''[Muttley is about to return to the ship with the treasure, but the forcefield blocks him from returning]''
:'''Dastardly [voice-over]''': But that ticket was a one-way trip.
:'''Dastardly''': Muttley?
:'''Dastardly [voice-over]''': Even if I'd opened a billion portals, he could never come back.
:'''Muttley''': ''[continues to struggle through the portal with the treasure, then he turns around and sees Cerberus, who is offscreen, coming towards him]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Dastardly''': Muttley! Oh, no. No! Get out of there! ''[As the portal is getting destroyed, Muttley continues struggling through the portal, but Cerberus grabs Muttley, thus trapping him in the underworld forever.]'' Muttley! ''[echoes]'' '''''MUTTLEY!!!!!!'''''
:''[The portal is now destroyed as the flashback ends]''
:'''Dastardly''': Because Muttley isn't the key. ''[curtain shuts]'' Return them to their cell!
:'''Velma''': Please, Dastardly, lf ''you'' unlock those gates you’re…
:''[The Rottens takes Fred, Velma and Daphne back to the cells]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[grabs Fred]'' Poor man’s Hemsworth stays with ''me''.
:'''Fred''': How dare you. Wait, [[Chris Hemsworth|Chris]] or [[Liam Hemsworth|Liam?]] ''[Dastardly pulls him grunts]''
:'''Daphne''': What are ''you'' doing with him?!
:'''Dastardly''': Oh I have grand plans for Freddie boy. ''[door closes]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, the Falcon Fury arrived at Messick Mountain.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': I’m picking up the skull signature.
:'''Dynomutt''': Locking on. ''[Shaggy comes in as Scooby chats with Brian.]''
:'''Brian''': These suits are incredible, right?
:'''Scooby''': Yeah!
:'''Brian''': Accentuates the good stuff, hides the flaws…
:'''Scooby''': I love it! ''[Shaggy sighs]''
:'''Dee Dee''': I wanna see cheeks to seats, people. Straps activated. ''[Scooby and Brian got to their seats with some straps.]''
:'''Shaggy''': But my cheeks still need a seat! ''[As he tries to get to his seat...]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Here we go!!!
:''[Dee Dee pilots the Falcon Fury into an icy cave, avoiding some icicles while Shaggy rocks around in the cockpit.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Shaggy, what are you doing?  
:''[The Falcon Fury was getting closer to some stalagmites.]''
:'''Brian''': Not so close.  
:'''Dee Dee''': We're about to get closer.
:'''Dynomutt''': Dee Dee, I advise we...
:'''Dee Dee''': Punch it!
:''[Dee Dee speeds the Falcon Fury through until it breaks through and enters a hidden prehistoric island called Mystery Island.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': Wow. The heat from the geothermal vents is creating a completely unique ecosystem.  
:'''Dynomutt''': Which appears to be Mesozoic.
:''[A pterodactyl flies by and screeches at the gang before getting slammed by the jet. Scooby yelps in shock and sees more pterodactyls crashing into the Falcon Fury.]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Just land the ship, Dee Dee!
:''[The Falcon Force arrive on Mystery Island and they step out the Falcon Fury to find the third skull of Cerberus]''
:'''Shaggy''': OK, Falcon Force, good luck! Bring back that skull! Scooby and I will stay on the ship. You know, where it's safe and secure.
:'''Brian''': Dude, I'm pretty sure Scooby is gonna be safest with us. We're ''literally'' superheroes.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[chuckles]'' No, ''you'' don't get it. We're chickens and we always stick together, so we're staying here. ''[sees Scooby about to leave the ship]'' Scoob?
:'''Brian''': Scoob's clearly important to whatever Dastardly's got planned. ''We'' need him.
:'''Scooby''': Yeah. ''I'm'' the key.
:'''Shaggy''': The key? ''You're'' not the key. You're my best friend. At least I ''thought'' you were until ''you'' whipped off ''your'' collar.
:'''Scooby''': ''[cross]'' ''My collar?'' ''You'' gave ''me'' the nod!
:'''Shaggy''': But I didn't think you'd really ''do'' it!
:'''Scooby''': Just ''come'' with ''us''.
:'''Shaggy''': &quot;Us&quot;?! ''You're'' an &quot;us&quot; now?! Well, what happened to us-us?!
:'''Scooby''': Raggy.
:'''Shaggy''': ''You'' need to choose. Now, ''I'm'' staying on the ship. Are ''you'' staying with ''me'', or going with ''them?''
:'''Scooby''': ''That's not fair!''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[angrily]'' ''Choose!'' ''[Scooby scowls at him and leaves off with the Falcon Force to find the skull]'' I never thought I'd say this, but Simon Cowell was right! &quot;You ''can't'' count on friendship!&quot; ''[Scooby feels saddened at the statement as he walks off]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[[File:Captain Caveman cosplay.jpg|thumb|Hello! Your tiny little brains probably can't understand me, so I will speak slowly, so that you may process the welcoming tones of my voice.]]
:''[As Scooby and Brian continue to find the third Cerberus skull, they encounter Captain Caveman]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': Hello! Your tiny little brains probably can't understand me, so I will speak slowly, so that you may process the welcoming tones of my voice.
:'''Scooby''': Uh, we understand you perfectly.
:'''Captain Caveman''': Oh, word? No disrespect. So, what brings you guys to Mystery Island?
:'''Scooby''': We're looking for a skull.
:'''Brian''': Yeah, it's about a yea high and full of sharp, pointy teeth.
:'''Captain Caveman''': You mean the slaghoople?
:'''Both''': Um, sure.
:'''Captain Caveman''': Why didn't you say so? Follow me. And mind the pterodactyl droppings.
:''[A pterodactyl poops as it flies by and the poop lands in front of them, much to Scooby and Brian's disgust]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': But if you get some on you, rub it in. It's just like lotion.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[On the Falcon Fury, Shaggy walks through the atrium]''
:'''Shaggy''': Huh?
:''[A holographic person pushes a tray labeled, &quot;For Incineration&quot;, with two canisters and Scooby's collar. Shaggy grabs the collar and gazes at it with a sad whistful expression. A flashback shows his young self putting the collar on puppy Scooby, then hugging him]''
:'''Young Shaggy''': I'll never leave you. No matter what.
:''[In the present, Shaggy continues to stare sadly at Scooby's collar in his hands. He hears a horn honking and puts the collar in his pocket. Outside, Fred waves from the Mystery Machine]''
:'''Fred''': Hey!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[happily]'' Fred?
:'''Fred''': Shaggy?
:'''Shaggy''': Fred!
:'''Fred''': Shaggy! ''[hugs him]''
:'''Shaggy''': How'd you get here? And where are Daphne and Velma?
:'''Fred''': Dastardly kidnapped us, and was holding us captive on his super awesome airship. Jeez, that thing is cool! Never mind. Where's Scooby-Doo? Has he been taken?
:'''Shaggy''': No, he's with his new &quot;hero&quot; friends. We're on a break, and you've missed a lot.
:'''Fred''': Shaggy, Scooby-Doo is in grave danger, and Dastardly is on his way here right now, and he won't stop until he gets him.
:'''Shaggy''': Dastardly? Then we can't let that happen.
:'''Fred''': Exactly! Now, take ''me'' to Scooby-Doo. ''[motions to the Mystery Machine]''
:''[Scooby and Brian followed Captain Caveman to the arena]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': As it turns out, I wasn't even a velociraptor's father. Any who, there it is, the slaghoople. ''[reveals the last Cerberus skull to them in the arena]''
:'''Scooby''': Brian, we found the last skull!
:'''Brian''': Mission accomplished! Now, if you would give us a hand carrying out, we'll take it back to our jet.
:'''Captain Caveman''': Uh-uh-uh. The only way to take the slaghoople is to defeat the protector in battle, and that's me.
:'''Scooby''': You?
:'''Brian''': Scooby, this is it. It's my hero moment. I could totally pound the crap out of this little guy.
:'''Scooby''': Doesn't ''sound'' heroic.
:'''Brian''': ''[to Captain Caveman]'' Hey, you're on. But I think you're gonna need a few friends.
:'''Captain Caveman''': Oh, I've got friends, and they do like a good show.
:''[He claps his hands twice, which closes the wooden gate, then a group of cavemen and cavewomen appear to watch the battle]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': All right now, let's get our fight on!
:''[A caveman blows a turtle horn as the battle starts]''
:'''Brian''': Come at me, ''little man!''
:''[The caveman group gasp in shock]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': Little?! Did you just call me little?!
:'''Scooby''': No, he said big.
:'''Brian''': I ''did'' call you little, pipsqueak.
:'''Scooby''': He said big squeak.
:'''Captain Caveman''': You can call me... ''[Activates his club, which opens to reveal a sledgehammered dinosaur, then jumps into the air]'' '''''Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!'''''
:''[He flies down and struck Brian with his club, leaving half of his body in the ground]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': I know I'm small. It's a pituitary thing. ''[hits Brian, sending him flying to a wall]'' Are you not entertained?!
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[as he and Dee Dee witness the battle]'' Brian! Come on.
:'''Brian''': Dynomutt is right. ''[Falls off the wall, which a piece of it falls on him]'' I'm not my dad.
:'''Cavewomen Cheerleaders''': Ra ra, ra ra ra!
:'''Brian''': ''[gets up from underneath the piece of the wall]'' Scooby, help!
:'''Scooby''': What do I do?!
:'''Brian''': Use the suit thingies!
:'''Captain Caveman''': ''[lands on the piece of the wall]'' Who's your captain?
:'''Cavewomen Cheerleaders''': Captain Caveman!
:''[Captain Caveman is about to face Scooby, when Scooby himself presses a button, which activates hover boards under his paws, which he moves foolishly, much to the cavemen's amusement, then Scooby moves the hover boards to face Captain Caveman as the crowd cheers]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': Wow, you're doing great. ''[Scooby launches a claw at him, but he grabs the string]'' I almost hate to do this to you. ''[He pulls the string and spins him]'' Spin it to win it!
:'''Scooby''': I want my Raggy!
:''[Captain Caveman spins him like a top until his super suit breaks, much to his embarrassment]''
:'''Dee Dee''': You make a break for the skull, I'll pick up Brian and Scooby.
:'''Dynomutt''': On it.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[as Captain Caveman is about to finish Scooby off]'' Leave him alone! ''[activates her stick and fights Captain Caveman]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': I love a challenge like I love dinosaur eggs, over-easy!
:''[The Mystery Machine, ridden by Fred and Shaggy rides into the stadium]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Uh...
:'''Shaggy''': Look out!
:''[Fred moves the van around where the skull is and stops]''
:'''Captain Caveman''': Dang, those are some dope wheels! ''[Dynomutt fires his missiles at him, sending him to a wall, leaving his impact silhouette on it]'' Whatever wheels are!
[[File:The Mystery Machine at Yanks Air Museum.jpg|thumb|&quot;Where did that anachronistic van come from?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Fred brought it, but that's not important.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;How'd he get the van to a prehistoric world hidden miles beneath the North Pole?&quot;]]
:'''Shaggy''': ''[gets out of the Mystery Machine]'' Scooby!
:'''Scooby''': Raggy? How'd you get here?
:'''Shaggy''': No, let me go first. Scoob-
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[interrupting]'' Where did that anachronistic van come from?
:'''Shaggy''': Fred brought it, but that's not important.
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[puzzled]'' How'd ''he'' get the van to a prehistoric world hidden miles beneath the North Pole? ''[Fred gets out of the Mystery Machine]''
:'''Shaggy''': I don't know. Why don't you ask Fred because…
:'''Brian''': ''[confused]'' Who's Fred?
:'''Shaggy''': ''[continued]'' …right now, I need to tell Scoob—
:'''Fred''': ''[in Dastardly's voice; laughs]'' Not ''me!'' ''[kicks Shaggy to the ground with his foot, snares Scooby with a catch pole, and rips himself off, revealing Dastardly]''
:'''Shaggy, Brian, Dynomutt and Dee Dee''': ''[In unison, shocked]'' Dick Dastardly?!
:'''Dastardly''': That's right, and ''your'' &quot;foolish&quot; friend led ''me'' straight to ''you!'' ''[The Mean Machine arrives above the arena]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[looks up]'' Oh, no!
:''[The flying Rottens come out of the Mean Machine and attack all of the cavemen as they retreat]''
:'''Dastardly''': If you will excuse me, ''I'' have a treasure to collect.
:''[The Mean Machine's grabbing claw grabs the last Cerberus skull as Dastardly get on the skull with Scooby]''
:'''Scooby''': RAGGY!!!!
:'''Shaggy''': SCOOBY!!!!
:'''Dastardly''': Oh, and I almost forgot to take out the rubbish.
:''[The Rottens throw out Daphne, Velma and the real Fred out of the airship, but Dee Dee and Dynomutt catch Daphne and Velma]''
:'''Brian''': Whoa, nice catch! ''[Fred lands in his arms]'' 'Sup?
:'''Dastardly''': Ta-ta! See you all in {{w|Athens}}. Oh, no you won't! Because the only way out is with a jet.
:'''Brian''': Well, good thing we have one!
:'''Dastardly''': Oh, ''do you'' now? ''[evilly laughs as he gets on the Mean Machine with the skull and Scooby and the airship flies away]''
:'''Brian''': There's something about the way ''he'' said, &quot;''do you''?&quot; ''[Shaggy, Fred, Daphne, Dynomutt, Dee Dee and Velma looks at him]'' and then laughed that makes me think ''he'' did something to ''our'' ship.
:''[Scene switches to the Falcon Force and Mystery Inc. on the beach with the Falcon Fury now destroyed they shocked]''
:'''Brian''': ''[groans and drops Fred]'' I hate it when I'm right.
:'''Dynomutt''': We're lucky it doesn't happen often.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mystery Inc. look through the ruins of the Falcon Fury as Shaggy picks up a sock, which gets disgusted at it, and Falcon Force looks at the destroyed engine.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': ''[sighs]'' The primary engine is destroyed. The thrusters are intact, but ''they're'' way too small to launch the ship.
:'''Brian''': So, ''we're'' stuck here? ''[Dee Dee nods as he glares at Shaggy and walks towards him with his finger pointing at him]'' Well, maybe if ''your'' little buddy ''didn't'' lead the bad guy right to ''us''.
:'''Fred''': ''[angrily runs in front of Brian]'' Leave Shaggy alone! ''[shoves Brian away from Shaggy, with Dee Dee, Dynomutt and Daphne shocked]''
:'''Velma''': ''[annoyed]'' Yeah, what kind of hero ''&quot;blames&quot;'' other people for ''his'' problems?
:'''Dynomutt''': Meet Brian.
:'''Brian''': ''[angrily]'' Hey, ''you'' shut ''your'' dog face!
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[angrily]'' ''You'' shut ''your'' face-face! ''[Shaggy looked at Fred]''
:'''Fred''': ''[angrily]'' Because of ''you'', Scooby-Doo ''has'' a first-class ticket ''[points his finger towards Brian]'' to the '''''dogpocalypse!'''''
:'''Brian''': ''[angrily towards Fred with a double-point finger]'' Don't ''you'' point ''your'' finger at ''me!''
:'''Fred''':  ''[angrily towards Brian]'' Well, don't double-point ''your'' finger at ''me!''
:'''Brian''': Maybe, I'll triple-finger point at ''you!''
:'''Fred''': Then, obviously I'm gonna quadruple-finger point at ''you!''
:'''Brian''': Ha! That's just a wave, dipstick! ''[He and Fred start to fight Velma and Daphne shocked]''
:'''Daphne''': Hey, get off of ''him!''
:'''Dee Dee''': ''He's'' the one that started it!
:''[Daphne, Velma, Dee Dee and Dynomutt run towards Fred and Brian to try to break up their fight, Shaggy shocked.]''
:'''Velma''': Toxic masculinity!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[run towards them to try to break up their fight]'' Stop! ''[pushing Brian and Fred]'' STOP IT, ''ALL OF YOU!'' ''[Everyone stops the fight]'' It's ''my'' fault. ''I'm'' to blame.  I let my own jealousy break me and Scooby up. ''[Dynomutt, Brian, Dee Dee, Fred, Velma and Daphne looks worried]'' ''I'' was afraid that with ''his'' new suit and ''his'' new team, things were gonna change. ''[Dynomutt, Brian, Dee Dee, Fred, Velma and Daphne hangs their heads, he sighs, then cheers up]'' And ''they'' did change. ''[Dynomutt, Brian, Dee Dee, Fred, Velma and Daphne knows what does Shaggy meaning they did change]'' But, like, that's… that's OK. People can grow. But it doesn't mean that ''we're'' growing apart. ''[stands on a rock]'' Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby-Doo is my best friend. 10 years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he'd never leave him. No matter what. And ''I'm'' gonna keep that promise. Now, it's time we stop ''this'' mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the underpass…
:'''Dee Dee''': Underworld.
:'''Shaggy''': …and letting loose the fearsome sippy-cup.
:'''Dynomutt''': Cerberus.
:'''Shaggy''': So what do you say we get out of Middle-earth…
:'''Brian''': Copyright infringement.
:'''Shaggy''': …and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who's with ''me''?
:'''Daphne, Velma, Fred, Dee Dee, Brian and Dynomutt''': ''[In unison]'' ''We are!''
:'''Shaggy''': Let's do this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[[File:Attica 06-13 Athens 50 View from Philopappos - Acropolis Hill.jpg|thumb|]]
:''[After Fred, Daphne Velma and Shaggy and the Falcon Force crash the Mystery Machine in Athens]''
:'''Scooby''': No! NO!
:'''Dick Dastardly''': I told you, you were the most important dog in the world. Now, let me show you why! ''[begins moving Scooby, forcing him to place his paw on the gate to the underworld, in which he does]'' And the slipper fits! ''[The gate to the underworld activates]'' It's happening! It's finally happening!
:''[As the gate to the underworld opens, a gigantic monstrous three-headed dog, Cerberus, comes out. Dastardly gasps while Scooby is shocked before Cerberus howls fearsomely, snarling threateningly]''
:'''Dastardly''': Uh, oh! Little more than I bargained for! ''[Cerberus growls again; intimidated, to Scooby]'' If I were you, I'd '''''RUUUUUUUUUUN!'''''
:''[Everyone starts to panic, scream and run away from the giant Cerberus, while Scooby runs with the other civilians away from Cerberus, Dastardly runs to hide by the gate to the underworld]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Scooby frees the gang from the crashed Mystery Machine]''
:'''Scooby''': You guys are alive!
:'''Shaggy''': Scooby-Doo!
:''[Shaggy hugs him]''
:'''Daphne''': Scooby!
:'''Fred''': Ya-hoo!
:''[The rest of the gang comes in for a group hug]''
:'''Daphne''': Oh, thank goodness. The gang is finally back together.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[to Scooby]'' Buddy, I never meant to…
:'''Scooby''': I know. Me neither.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In the Underworld, Dastardly walks in a huge hole in the ground. His eyes widen as he spots a valley of gold treasure]''
:'''Dastardly''': At long last! My treasure! ''[laughs excitedly as he pushes a gold statue and a chest out of his way, then looks heartbroken when he sadly spots Muttley's body lying down]'' Oh, no! I'm too late. ''[crouches down]'' I've been searching for years, my friend, and I didn't make it in time. ''[hugs his motionless dog, who smacks his lips and wakes up]'' I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. There are so many things we never got to do together. ''[sobs as Muttley snickers; confused]'' Huh? ''[looks at him while holding him by his armpits]'' You're alive?
:''[Muttley snickers again]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[angrily]'' You're alive! You cantankerous canine! How could you do that to me?! ''[pounds Muttley's head]''
:'''Muttley''': ''[growls angrily as he rubs his head]'' Rasm-Frasm. ''[bites Dastardly's leg]''
:'''Dastardly''': Stop! I'm not joking! Stop! ''[shakes Muttley off of his leg. As they growl at each other while attempting to attack, he cringes]'' Oh! I… ''[happily]'' …can't stay mad! You're alive! ''[lifts Muttley while laughing and swings him around in circles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Back on the surface, Brian, Dee Dee, Dynomutt, Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne and Velma were hiding in a Roman vase.]''
:'''Velma''': So that's Cerberus.
:''[They get back in the vase.]''
:'''Dee Dee''': We've got to ''stop'' him before ''he'' gets into the city.
:'''Shaggy''': Like, how?
:'''Daphne''': We fight monsters ''all'' the time. Remember the phantom sea squid at the haunted aquarium?  
:'''Velma''': That was a real estate developer with a couple of flashlights and a sound effects machine. This is the ''real'' deal. Right, Fred? Fred? ''[Dynomutt’s eyes light up to reveal the gang, but not Fred, inside.]'' Where's Fred?
:''[Back with Fred, he still was near his destroyed the Mystery Machine.]''
:'''Fred''': You… shall be avenged. ''[He arms himself with the hubcap as a shield while putting some dry oil on her face like warpaint and putting on an ascot.]'' For the Mystery Machine!
:''[The gang peeks as Fred charges toward Cerberus.]''
:'''Brian''': He’s just attacking. I mean, are we supposed to be attacking?
:''[However, Cerberus laughs and flicks Fred away, making him lose his ascot in the process.]''
:'''Daphne''': Fred!
:'''Velma''': Come on, hurry! Run!
:''[Cerberus corners the whole gang at an ancient building.]''
:'''Fred''': Sorry, gang. Never mess with another man’s vehicle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dynomutt''': Brian, what are you doing back here?
:'''Brian''': ''[pulls out his phone]'' Calling my dad. ''[Dynomutt, not amused, turns off the call.]'' Hey!
:'''Dynomutt''': You don’t need your dad.
:'''Brian''': Yes, I do. Alright? ''He’s'' the hero. ''I’m'' not. I ''can’t'' win this.
:'''Dynomutt''': So what? Look at Scooby and Shaggy! They're terrified, and they're taking on Cerberus!
:''[They see Scooby and Shaggy running in a chariot from Cerberus]''
:'''Shaggy''': I'm terrified!
:'''Scooby''': Why are we taking on Cerberus?!
:'''Dynomutt''': Well, in their own unique way.  
:'''Brian''': So you're saying it's heroic to be scared, and even to lose sometimes? ''[Dynomutt nods.]'' Dude, this is it! This is my hero moment. My real hero moment!
:'''Dynomutt''': And it’s my moment, too. My job is to have your back. So what do you say, Blue Falcon?
:''[Brian smiles softly at Dynomutt and the two grab hands.]''
:'''Brian''': ''[sniffs]'' Okay, now I’m crying.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dastardly and Muttley run out of the Underworld while carrying a handful of gold bars, diamonds and the chest]''
:'''Dastardly''': Farewell, fools!
:'''Muttley''': ''Sayanora'', suckers!
:'''Fred''': Dastardly?!
:'''Dastardly''': We're rich!
:'''Muttley''': Rasm-Frasm. Money bath! Heh-heh-heh-heh!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[when Scooby, Shaggy, Mystery Inc. and Falcon Force defeat Cerberus by using the Rottens as bowling balls to make it slip and fall back into the realm of the Underworld]''
:'''Shaggy''': Man, looks like we just ''spared'' the world!
:'''Scooby''': ''[chuckles]'' Bowling puns!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[he and Scooby fistbump]'' This is so us!
:''[Everyone shuts the gate to the Underworld, trapping Cerberus]''
:'''Shaggy''': OK, so how do we lock that puppy up? ''[Velma, Daphne and Fred look at each other, then at Scooby and Shaggy, worriedly]'' What?
:'''Velma''': One of you has to hold the gates shut here…
:'''Daphne''': …while one of you locks them from… inside the Underworld.
:'''Shaggy''': ''[distraught]'' What? No! There has to be another way. Right, Velma?
:'''Velma''': Alexander the Great built these gates to be locked only by him… and his dog, Peritas. As the last descendant of Peritas, Scooby has to do it.
:'''Daphne''': But the prophecy says he needs his best friend to help him.
:'''Fred''': That's you, Shaggy.
:''[Shaggy and Scooby look at each other, before the latter looks towards the gate with the rotating lock with a handprint and pawprint on two different sides. Scooby then looks on in determination and courage]''
:'''Scooby''': There's no other way. ''I'm'' the key. I'll go.
:'''Shaggy''': No.
:''[Scooby then makes his way to the gate, with everyone looking at him gloomily; he then stops by the lock, as he prepares to place his paw on it, but all of a sudden, Shaggy slaps the two-sided lock, flipping it to the handprint side]''
:'''Shaggy''': It says one of us had to be on the inside, but it doesn't say which one.
:'''Scooby''': ''[worried]'' No!
:''[Scooby flips the lock back to the pawprint side, making Shaggy gasp; both Shaggy and Scooby then flip the lock to either the handprint or pawprint sides of the lock, before Shaggy stood in front of it when it was turned to the handprint side, which Scooby accidentally slaps him multiple times to prevent him from touching the lock]''
:'''Shaggy''': ''[grabbing Scooby's paw and calming him down]'' Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now it's ''my'' turn. ''[then places his hand on the lock's handprint side, activating the gate in which Shaggy then disappears]''
:'''Scooby''': ''[horrified]'' No! ''Don't!'' Raggy, wait! '''''No!'''''
:''[Scooby gasps, after the gate to the Underworld then locks, before Shaggy appears on the lock from the other side of the gate, then saddened]''
:'''Scooby''': Raggy.
:'''Shaggy''': Scoob, you're the best friend I could ever ask for. ''[sighs]'' And you always will be.
:''[As the gate completely locks, Scooby whimpers as he watches the lock's reflection of Shaggy dissipate, turning into a glowing green lock of the pawprint; Scooby then saddenly places his paw on the pawprint, which makes the entire gate as well as the entire ancient temple to vanish back into the temple's present state; Scooby then whimpers and then starts sobbing, howling and mourning the loss of his friend. The gang comes over to him and gives him a comforting hug as themselves and the Falcon Force grieved about Shaggy as well.]''
:'''Scooby''': ''[sobs]'' Raggy... ''[Daphne, Velma and Scooby sobbing]''
:'''Velma''': Are we missing something? &quot;A pair whose friendship forever grows.&quot; ''[wipes her eyes]'' Does it mean something else?
:'''Daphne''': ''[looks Scooby in the eyes]'' I think it means that Scoob and Shaggy's friendship will live on... whether ''they're'' together or not. ''[hugs Scooby]''
:'''Velma''': But...why would Alexander make a gate that would separate him from his best friend forever?
:'''Fred''': He must have built a way out.
:'''Daphne''': ''[looking behind Velma]'' Uh, guys?
:''[A statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas magically appear in front of the gang]''
:'''Velma''': It's Alexander the Great. Look at this inscription. It's a message from him. &quot;Our bond will never break or bend...&quot;
:'''Dynomutt''': &quot;...so, my friend, it's time to return home.&quot;
:'''Velma''': Maybe Scooby should give it a try.
:''[Scooby walks up to the statue and sadly looks at it]''
:'''Scooby''': Raggy, you promised you'd never leave. Come home.
:''[A door magically unlocks and opens to reveal Shaggy, who is unharmed]''
:'''Scooby''': Raggy?
:''[Cerberus's paw kicks him out and closes the door as the statue disappears]''
:'''Shaggy''': Zoinks! I guess friendship really ''did'' save the day.
:'''Scooby''': ''[relieved]'' Raggy! ''[laughs in joy]''
:'''Shaggy''': Scooby-Doo!
:''[Scooby runs up to Shaggy and hugs him as do the gang]''
:'''Daphne''': I love you guys!
:''[Dee Dee laughs]''
:'''Daphne''': You gave us quite a scare, Shaggy.
:''[Shaggy takes Scooby's collar out of his pocket and puts it back on Scooby's neck as Scooby himself smiles]''
:'''Shaggy''': Well, it takes more than a 3-headed monster to keep me away from my best bud.
:'''Velma''': Tank, empath, brain. I finally figured out what you guys are. You're the heart of Mystery, Inc.
:''[Scooby licks Shaggy as the Falcon Force look happily at them and Dynomutt licks Brian, which he exclaims in pain]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Sorry. Metal tongue. Shoulda thought that through.
:'''Dastardly''': ''[angrily]'' Put me down, ''you traitorous '''tin cans!'''''
:''[Two flying Rottens, who had captured Dastardly and Muttley, lower them in front of the gang on knees]''
:'''Muttley''': ''[grumbles]'' Rasm-Frasm. Stupid robots!
:'''Brian''': Time to pay for ''your'' crimes, Dick Dastardly. ''[towards him]''
:'''Shaggy''': Or is it? ''[pulls off a mask revealing…]''
:'''All''': ''[In unison, shocked]'' Simon Cowell?! ''[Muttley growls angrily at him]''
:'''Daphne''': Wow, that is a solid impersonation. ''[Fred looks at her]''
:'''Simon Cowell''': ''[last words]'' Thank you. I also played [[w:Rum Tum Tugger|Rum Tum Tugger]] in my secondary school's production of ''[[w:Cats (musical)|Cats]]''. ''[Muttley sniffs]''
:'''Velma''': This makes no sense. ''[Scooby, Shaggy, Dusty, Daphne, Fred, Brian, Dee Dee and Dynomutt looks at her she walks towards him beside Muttley]'' How could ''he'' have time to judge the world's greatest talent shows and build a giant airship? ''[she pulls off another mask to reveal he is really… the real Dick Dastardly!]''
:'''All''': ''[In unison, shocked]'' Dick Dastardly?! ''[Velma nod and walked back]''
:'''Dastardly''': Drat! No one ''ever'' goes for the ''double'' unmasking. ''[Muttley snickers as Dastardly frowns at him]''
:'''Brian''': ''[to Dastardly]'' ''You'' are coming with us.
:''[The Falcon Force carry Dastardly and Muttley away to custody]''
:'''Dastardly''': ''[last words, enraged] I'' would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for ''you'' '''&quot;MISMATCHED&quot; MEDDLING MISCREANTS!'''
:'''Fred''': ''[to Scooby and Shaggy]'' Congratulations, you two. You just saved the world.
:'''Daphne''': How do you feel?
:'''Scooby and Shaggy''': Hungry.
:''[The gang laugh]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Back in Venice, California, we come to a grand opening where on the front building we find Mystery Inc unveiling their new headquarters called &quot;Mystery Inc. Supernatural Mystery Solvers&quot;. The crowd applauds.]
:'''Fred''': It's perfect. ''[to Shaggy while feeding Scooby hot dogs]'' Wait, Shaggy, where's the DJ you hired?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, they'll be here any minute.
:'''Fred''': &quot;They&quot;?
:''[Soon, They look up at the Falcon Fury Mark 2 arrived. We see the ship lowering down a new van with Blue Falcon being the DJ on top. As it lands, Dee Dee and Dynomutt come out.]''
:'''Dynomutt''': Surprise!
:'''Dee Dee''': You know we wouldn't miss your grand opening!
:'''Brian''': ''[on speaker]'' DJ Blue Falcon! ''[Flying in was Blue Falcon himself. The crowd cheers. Balloons dropped down right on time.]'' And that is how you make an entrance. ''[to Keith]'' Good job, Keith.
:'''Keith''': ''[on speaker]'' Thank you, BF!
:''[Fred digs the upgraded Mystery Machine.]''
:'''Fred''': ''[hugs the Mystery Machine]'' I'm so happy you're back.
:'''Dynomutt''': ''[to Dee Dee]'' You know, I’m proud of him, but he could’ve done this without us.
:'''Dee Dee''': I know. I am so gonna need a raise.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Velma''': Looks like we're on the case.
:'''Fred''': Let’s hit it.
:'''Daphne''': ''[to Dusty]'' Hey, Dusty! Watch the shop, please.
:'''Shaggy''': What do you say, buddy?
:'''Scooby''': Lets Scooby-Dooby-Do It!

== About ''Scoob!'' ==
* I think when we first started, this was much more like &quot;Hanna-Barbera Avengers&quot;. And then, somehow along the way, the more time we spent with Scooby and Shaggy, we were just like, &quot;This is all we care about&quot;. Scooby and Shaggy had their own gravity that took up space.
** [[w:Tony Cervone|Tony Cervone]], in an interview to Cinema Blend
* Everyone pushed their roles a little bit. It’s important the characters remain who they are, but it’s interesting to let the actors do their work. Gina’s Velma is not the same as everyone else’s Velma, and Zac Efron’s Fred is not the same as Frank Welker’s Fred, but it’s still Fred. A lot of people have played Hamlet, over the years.
** Tony Cervone, in an interview to Stack

== Taglines ==
* His Epic Tail Begins.
* Mystery Loves Company.
* Their Friendship Works In Mysterious Ways.
* Old Dog. New Tricks.
* From the imagination of Hanna-Barbera and the creators of ''[[The Lego Movie]]'', ''[[Storks (film)|Storks]]'' and ''[[Smallfoot (film)|Smallfoot]]''.
* Let's Go Gang! (Fred Jones)
* Jeepers! (Daphne Blake)
* Jinkles! (Velma Dinkley)
* Zoinks! (Shaggy Rogers)
* Ruh-roh! (Scooby-Doo)
* Drat! (Dick Dastardly)
* Rasm-Frasm! (Muttley)
* Captain Cavveeman! (Captain Caveman)
* Foxy Falcon (Dee Dee Skyes, Blue Falcon and Dynomutt)
* Zac Efron is Fred
* Will Forte is Shaggy
* Gina Rodriguez is Velma
* Amanda Seyfried is Daphne
* Frank Welker is Scooby

=== Trailers ===
* [from trailer] From Warner Bros. Pictures.
* [from trailer] From the moment they met.
* [from trailer] It was meant to be. 
* [from trailer] This summer.
* [from trailer] Their greatest mystery begins.
* [from trailer] Summer 2020.
* [from trailer] To solve this mystery.
* [from trailer] Go back to their beginning.
* [from trailer] On May 15
* [from trailer] An unbelievable mystery.
* [from trailer] Is coming home.
* [from trailer] Discover the origin story of Scooby-Doo.

=== Closing ===
* Special Thanks [[Joe Ruby]] &amp; [[Ken Spears]]

== Cast ==
*'''[[w:Will Forte|Will Forte]]''' — [[w:Shaggy Rogers|Shaggy Rogers]]
**'''[[w:Iain Armitage|Iain Armitage]]''' {{small|(young)}}

*'''[[Mark Wahlberg]]''' — [[w:Scoob!|Brian Crown / Blue Falcon]]

*'''[[w:Jason Isaacs|Jason Isaacs]]''' — [[w:Dick Dastardly|Dick Dastardly]]
**'''[[Simon Cowell|Simon Cowell — Himself]]''' (disguise)
***'''[[w:Christina Hendricks|Christina Hendricks]]''' — Officer Jaffe (disguise)
****'''Zac Efron''' — Fred Jones (disguise)

*'''[[w:Gina Rodriguez|Gina Rodriguez]]''' — [[w:Velma Dinkley|Velma Dinkley]]
**'''[[w:Ariana Greenblatt|Ariana Greenblatt]]''' {{small|(young)}}

*'''[[w:Zac Efron|Zac Efron]]''' — [[w:Fred Jones (Scooby-Doo)|Fred Jones]]
**'''[[w:Pierce Gagnon|Pierce Gagnon]]''' {{small|(young)}}

*'''[[Amanda Seyfried]]''' — [[w:Daphne Blake|Daphne Blake]]
**'''[[Mckenna Grace]]''' {{small|(young)}}

*'''[[w:Kiersey Clemons|Kiersey Clemons]]''' — [[w:Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels#Dee Dee Skyes|Dee Dee Skyes]]

*'''[[w:Ken Jeong|Ken Jeong]]''' — [[w:Dynomutt|Dynomutt]]

*'''[[w:Tracy Morgan|Tracy Morgan]]''' — [[w:Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels#Captain Caveman|Captain Caveman]]

*'''[[Frank Welker]]''' — [[W:Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo]], Pterodactyl

*'''[[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]]''' — Keith

*'''[[w:Harry Perry (musician)|Harry Perry — Himself]]'''

*'''[[John DiMaggio]]''' — Restaurant Owner

*'''[[w:Kevin Heffernan (actor)|Kevin Heffernan]]''' — Bike Cop Gary

*'''[[Ira Glass|Ira Glass — Himself]]'''

*'''Henry Kaufman''' — Chad and Chet

*'''[[w:Maya Erskine|Maya Erskine]]''' — Judy Takamoto

*'''[[w:Billy West|Billy West]]/[[w:Don Messick|Don Messick]]''' — [[w:Muttley|Muttley]]

*'''[[w:Fred Tatasciore|Fred Tatasciore]]''' — [[w:Cerberus|Cerberus]]

*'''[[w:Justina Machado|Justina Machado]]''' — Jamie Rivera

*'''Kennedy Peil''' — Indira Knight

*'''John McDaniel''' — Hal Murphy

*'''Ryan Folsey''' — Beach Guy

*'''Pam Coats''' — Mrs. Rogers

*'''{{w|Tony Cervone}}''' — Ghost / Mr. Rigby, Alice

*'''{{w|Adam Sztykiel}}''' — Officer Casey

*'''Alex Kauffman''' — Officer North

*'''Vanara Taing''' — Baby Rotten

*'''Sarah Lancia''' — Dispatcher Stevens

*'''Maven Morgan''' — Kari

*'''{{w|Eric Cowell}}''' — Ben

*'''Michael Kurinsky''' — Samuel Colton

== See also ==
* ''[[Scooby-Doo (film)|Scooby-Doo]]'', a 2002 film also directed by Raja Gosnell
* ''[[Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed]]'', a 2004 sequel film also directed by Raja Gosnell

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
*{{IMDb title|id=3152592|title=Scoob!}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Warner Animation Group}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2020 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2020 American animated films]]
[[Category:Scoob!]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American animated feature films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American fantasy adventure films]]
[[Category:American science fiction films]]
[[Category:American crossover animated films]]
[[Category:American reboot films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Theatrically released animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Reboot animated films]]
[[Category:Warner Bros. Discovery]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tony Cervone]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Los Angeles]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Romania]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Greece]]
[[Category:Animated films about dogs]]
[[Category:American animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about friendship]]
[[Category:Animated films about abduction]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films based on classical mythology]]
[[Category:Animated films about Halloween]]
[[Category:Films with archival recordings]]
[[Category:American robot films]]
[[Category:Animated films impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Bully for Bugs</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>227548</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951704</id>
      <parentid>3951082</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:16:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="2070" sha1="epbdxiepwab85h4s45qotsb2id85dzw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Bully for Bugs|Bully for Bugs]]''''' is a 1953 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] theatrical cartoon short. It was directed by [[Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]]. It was to spite [[w:Edward Selzer|Eddie Selzer]] who claims that there was nothing fun about bullfighting. In the short, Bugs Bunny takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque and winds up in a Mexican bullring fighting one heck of a big bullying bull.
:''Directed by [[Chuck Jones|Charles M. Jones]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].''

This cartoon was featured in [[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]].

== [[Bugs Bunny]] ==
* Well, here I am. Hey, just a cotton-picking minute. This don't look like the [[w:Coachella Valley|Coachella Valley]] to me. ''[picks up a map]'' Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at [[w:Albuquerque, New Mexico|Albukoikee]]. Oh well, I'll just ask this gent in the fancy knickerbockers. Eh, I beg your par... ''[the matador runs right past him who chases him]'' Eh, pardon me, sir, but could you direct me to the shortest route to the Coachella Valley and the big carrot festival therein? ''[the matador climbs the fence]'' Eh, what's up, Doc?
* ''[to the bull]'' Stop steaming up my tail! What are y'all trying a do, wrinkle it!?!
* ''[after he got kicked out of the stadium by Toro]'' Of course you realize this means war.

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Bull Gulping.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0045585}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Mexican animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Animated sports films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set in Mexico]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Amazing Animals</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>228416</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951887</id>
      <parentid>3823033</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:40:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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      <text bytes="1963" sha1="fpvfuult5nvfs6ji1gnaav4fahhuon2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Amazing Animals}}''''' is an educational TV series, which follows the lizard named Henry, alongside with a voice-over narrator, who embarks the knowledge of various animals. It also include the Cartoon Animals skids along with. It is produced by the UK’s publishing company Dorling Kindersley, and with a joint venture with Partridge Films, and aired on the Disney Channel from 1996 to 1999. The show was aimed at kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 3 to 7.

==Henry==
*''[repeated line; to the narrator]'' Excuse me, but that’s amazing!
* Rats.

==Narrator==
*''[repeated line]'' No, Henry.
*And now ladies and gentle lizards, it’s time for Henry’s Amazing Golden Gecko Award!
*''[at the opening intro]'' Welcome to the world of the Amazing ''[topic in every episode]''

==Dialogue==
:'''Narrator:''' Henry! It’s time for your special report.
:'''Henry:''' What? Now?
:'''Narrator:''' Yes, Henry. Now.
:'''Henry:''' Oh.
:'''Narrator:''' You are ready, aren’t you?
:'''Henry:''' Uh, of coarse I am... What was about again?
:'''Narrator:''' You supposed to tell ''[topic]''
:'''Henry:''' Oh right. ''[inhales in his breath]'' Here goes.
----
:''[After failed in every of Henry’s report, due to his silly details]''
:'''Henry:''' ''[to narrator]'' Didn’t I even get one big right?
:'''Narrator:''' Not even one, Henry.
:'''Henry:''' ''[sulks]'' Rats.

==See also==
*[[w:Amazing Animals|''Amazing Animals'' on Wikipedia]]

{{unsourced|article about a serial production}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Disney Channel shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Operation: Rabbit</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>228619</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951915</id>
      <parentid>3950129</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T01:55:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3951915</origin>
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      <text bytes="2010" sha1="ift6whec5mux37meyqr5i9piyjf9gfn" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Operation Rabbit title card.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Operation: Rabbit|Operation: Rabbit]]''''' is a 1952 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' [[w:animated cartoon|animated cartoon]] directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. The cartoon was released on January 19, 1952, and features [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner|Wile E. Coyote]]. In the short, Wile E. Coyote sets up an elaborate scientific contraption to trap Bugs. This cartoon was featured in [[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]], except it was shortened for time.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[he opens the door]'' Eh. What's up, doc?
:'''Wile E. Coyote''': Allow me to introduce myself. My name is &quot;Wile E. Coyote&quot;... Genius. I am not selling anything nor am I working my way through college, so let's get down to cases. You are a rabbit, and I am going to eat you for supper. Now, don't try to get away. I am more muscular, more cunning, faster, and larger than you are... and I'm a genius, while you could hardly pass the entrance examinations to kindergarten. So, I'll give you the customary two minutes to say your prayers.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': I'm sorry, mac, but the lady of the house ain't home and besides we mailed you people a check last week! [Slam]
:'''Wile E. Coyote''': Why do they always want to do it the hard way?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Wile E. Coyote''': ''[slurring]'' Allow me to introduce myself. My name is mud. ''[he faints]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': And remember, &quot;mud&quot; spelled backwards is &quot;dum&quot;.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0045000}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Wile E. Coyote cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1952 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Mutiny on the Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>228622</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951715</id>
      <parentid>3716974</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:22:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
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      <text bytes="2276" sha1="iwx10cmce09l2551uptft8cosylvphn" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mutiny on the Bunny|Mutiny on the Bunny]]''''' is a 1950 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The title is a reference to the film ''[[Mutiny on the Bounty (1935 film)|Mutiny on the Bounty]]'' (1935). In the short, Shanghai Sam needs a new crew for his ship. Bugs signs on but rebels at the captain's cruelty.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Shanghai Sam''': ''[climbing back onto the ship]'' Blast his scuppers! I'll slice his liver out for this! ''[sees Bugs with a pickaxe and shovel]'' Hey! What are ya doin' with them diggin' tools?!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Who, me? I'm gonna get rich. I'm gonna dig for buried treasure.
:'''Shanghai Sam''': Buried treasure? Gimme that map! ''[snatches it and runs behind the mast, laughing slyly]'' Let's see now. Ten paces northeast from the mist mast. ''[walks away]'' One, two, three, four, five...Twenty-seven steps down the hole. ''[walks down the stairs''] One, two, three, four...And five paces to the right, and dig at stop marked &quot;X&quot;. One, two, three, four, five. There it is. ''[digs into the cross, breaching the hull of the ship and causing it to sink.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Shanghai Sam''': ''[pulling a cannon behind him on deck]'' Now, where's that swabber hidin' at? I'll blast the fur clean off of his flea-bitten hide! ''[Stops at an open cargo hatch and looks inside, sees Bugs standing there below him.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Helloooo.
:'''Shanghai Sam''': Aha! There you are, you buck-toothed barnacle. ''[Points the cannon down into the cargo hatch and lights the fuse]'' Say your prayers! ''[laughs and covers his ears]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[Now standing right in front of Sam]'' Thataboy, Sambo! Give 'em both barrels!
:''[Sam sees Bugs standing before him and realizes the cannon's aimed right into the ship. Sam desperately tries to blow and/or pinch out the burning fuse, but it just burns faster before firing the cannon, shooting a hole into the ship, causing it to flood and sink...again.]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|0042766}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1950 animated films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Captain Hareblower</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>228623</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951694</id>
      <parentid>3950100</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:07:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951694</origin>
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      <text bytes="1174" sha1="3l51ppqxvm8nlfmz2o6ipfxgrwj0q2k" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Captain Hareblower|Captain Hareblower]]''''' is a 1954 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' theatrical cartoon short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] and written by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]] starring [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]]. In the short, Bugs will not bend to the threats of Pirate (Yosemite) Sam.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* Ahoy there! What's up, doc?

== Yosemite Sam ==
* Now, ya long-eared critter, I'm gonna make you pay- ''[Bugs throws a lit match similar to [[Buccaneer Bunny]].]'' Oh no! ''[runs down to get the match.]'' Ya doggone idjit galut! You'll blow the ship to smithereenies! And if ya does that once more, I ain't a-goin' after it!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=0046825}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:1954 animated films]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Half-Fare Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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'''''[[w:Half-Fare Hare|Half-Fare Hare]]''''' is a 1956 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. The short was released on August 18, 1956, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. In the short, Bugs Bunny boards the Chattanooga Choo Choo and finds Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton, from &quot;[[w:The Honeymooners|The Honeymooners]]&quot; TV show.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Ed Norton''': Hey, Ralph. You want to know something? I'm hungry.
:'''Ralph Kramden''': You're hungry? Why, I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throat's scut. If I don't get something to eat soon, I'll go nuts!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Say, I bet they're thirsty. They've been running hard! ''[pours water in the car]'' Drinks on the House! ''[twitches his eyebrows]''
:''[Bugs opens the car and sees Ralph and Ed swimming.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Hey Mama! Look at the funny fish!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0049289}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hare-Breadth Hurry</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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[[File:Hare-Breadth Hurry title card.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Hare-Breadth Hurry|Hare-Breadth Hurry]]''''' is a 1963 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and [[w:Maurice Noble|Maurice Noble]]. The short was released on June 8, 1963, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Wile E. Coyote|Wile E. Coyote]]. In the short, Bugs takes the Roadrunner's place in a cartoon, and the Bugs/Coyote roles and rules become confused.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[During a typical Wile E Coyote and Road Runner chase, the speeding object of the coyote's chase stops, revealing it to be Bugs Bunny]'' Hi! I suppose you're expecting the Road Runner. Well, he sprained a giblet cornering a sharp curve the other day. So, uh, I'm standing in for him. Uh oh! Here comes that old coyote now! Better get on me horse! Meep! Meep! ''[runs off]''

* You know, it's amazing the trouble this joker goes through to get a square meal. Eh, case in point... ''[he shows off Wile E.'s latest rabbit trap, which involves a boulder suspended above the ground by a rope, a seesaw and a rifle]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0057126}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Wile E. Coyote cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:1963 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers</title>
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[[File:Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers|Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers]]''''' is a Bugs Bunny short subject directed by [[w:Greg Ford|Greg Ford]] and Terry Lennon and released in 1992. The cartoon was intended for theatrical release but eventually aired as part of the television special Bugs Bunny's Creature Features. Its premise is modeled after the 1956 film ''[[Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 film)|Invasion of the Body Snatchers]]'', and it is a lampoon of cheaply-drawn animation. This was featured in ''[[Bugs Bunny's Creature Features]]''.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[narrating]'' It all began in a vast uncharted region of outer space, a whole flock of strange looking carrots drifting in space for billions of years were floating down toward the earth. But, I didn't know at the time, as far as I was concerned, it was just another typical day, except that I was late for work.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs''': Another new day and I'm full of pep.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Come out of there, you wetch!
:'''Bugs''': ''[climbs the ladder]'' Gee. It's great to have friends!
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Say your pwayers, wabbit! ''[Bugs shoves his carrot into Elmer's gun]'' Ohhh, you mean old, wotten old...
:'''Bugs''': He likes me! He really likes me!
:'''Elmer Fudd''': I'll get you if it's the last thing I do!
:''[At the desert...]''
:'''Bugs''': I never realized how lucky I was that so many people wanted to kill me!
:''[Bugs gave Sam and anvil and he falls off a cliff. Later...]''
:'''Bugs''': Duck season!
:'''Daffy''': Rabbit season!
:'''Bugs''': Duck season!
:'''Daffy''': Rabbit season!
:'''Bugs''': Rabbit season!
:'''Daffy''': I say it's duck season! And I say &quot;FIRE&quot;!
:''[The hunters shoot Daffy.]''
:'''Bugs''': Ah. It's a wonderful life!
:'''Daffy''': You're unspeakably despicable!
:''[The scene irises out on Bugs Bunny.]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Jeff Bergman|Jeff Bergman]] - [[Bugs Bunny]], [[Daffy Duck]], [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]], [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]], and [[Porky Pig]]
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] - the Black Hole (uncredited)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0104527}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1992 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category: Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category: Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category: Daffy Duck cartoons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Golden Yeggs</title>
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'''''[[w:Golden Yeggs|Golden Yeggs]]''''' is a 1950 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' [[w:short subject|short]] directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The cartoon was released on August 5, 1950, and stars [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]] and [[w:Porky Pig|Porky Pig]]. A forerunner of the [[w:Rocky and Mugsy|Rocky and Mugsy]] characters appear, with Rocky already in his present-day form.

This cartoon was featured in ''[[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]]'', with a different ending showing [[Bugs Bunny]], alias [[w:The Unmentionables|Elegant Mess]] ([[w:Eliot Ness|Eliot Ness]]), appearing and the police arrests Rocky and the gang. But, another law loophole sets Rocky free once again.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|I. Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

==Dialogue==
:'''Porky Pig''': J-j-jumping Juniper! A golden egg! T-twenty-four karat solid gold! I'm rich! I'm rich! W-who's resp-p-ponsib-b-... who's responsib-b-b... who did this?
:'''Goose''': I know who it was. It was me. But I'm no fool. I know what happened to [[w:The Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs|the goose that laid the golden egg]]. ''[makes throat-slashing sound]''
:'''Porky Pig''': W-w-well, come on now. Don't be bashful. Who did it?
:'''Goose''': I know who did it. He did it. ''[points at Daffy]''
:''[The chickens lift Daffy over their shoulders, cheering]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Okay, so I laid an egg.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines of the short film]''
:'''Rocky''': No egg?
:'''Daffy Duck''': Gulp!... Uh-uh.
:'''Rocky''': So long, pal.
:''[Rocky aims his gun at Daffy's head and fires; Daffy ducks just in time, but the shock makes him lay a golden egg]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': Huh? That just goes to show ya. You never know what you can do 'till... 'till you got a gun against your head. Well, Toodle-oo. See you around. ''[starts to leave, but Rocky stops him]''
:'''Rocky''': Just a minute, duck. ''[points to a room full of egg cartons]'' Fill 'em up.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Oh, my aching back! ''[faints]''

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Daffy Duck / Porky Pig / Rocky / Nick / Hotel Employee / Chickens / Goose.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1950 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Animated drama short films]]
[[Category:Criminal comedy films]]
[[Category:Crime drama films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Bugs and Thugs</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>229328</id>
    <revision>
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'''''[[w:Bugs and Thugs|Bugs and Thugs]]''''' is a 1954 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] [[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]] cartoon directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was released on March 13, 1954, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]], with Rocky and Mugsy. The film is a semi-remake of the 1946 cartoon ''[[Racketeer Rabbit]]''. It is also the first Warner Bros short to credit [[w:Milt Franklyn|Milt Franklyn]] as a musical director.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Bugs come out of his hole, reading a newspaper.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Rabbit season opens today! Hundreds of hunters swarm the countryside! ''[walks across the street as cars pass by]'' Boy! Am I glad I live in the city where it's safe! A guy could get killed out there in the country with all them guns going off!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny''': I don't mind sharing the ride. But, all this laundry. After all!
:'''Rocky''': Stop right there, rabbit! How much do you know?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Who, me? Oh, I know a lots of things. Two and two is four, Carson City is the capital of Nevada, uh, George Washington was the first President.
:'''Rocky''': Cut it! This guy knows too much, Mugsy! We'll take him for a ride!
:'''Mugsy''': Okay, boss!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0046811}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1954 animated films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Peppa Pig (season 6)</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Peppa Pig (season 1)|1]] [[Peppa Pig (season 2)|2]] [[Peppa Pig (season 3)|3]] [[Peppa Pig (season 4)|4]] [[Peppa Pig (season 5)|5]] [[Peppa Pig (season 6)|6]] [[Peppa Pig (season 7)|7]] [[Peppa Pig (season 8)|8]] [[Peppa Pig (season 9)|9]] | [[Peppa Pig|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:Peppa Pig|Peppa Pig]]''''' (2004–present) is a British preschool animated television series directed and produced by Astley Baker Davies in association with Entertainment One, Nick Jr., Channel 5 and Hasbro's Allspark Animation.

=== ''Muddy Festival'' ===
:''[intro]''
:''[chicken crows]''
:'''Narrator''': Peppa and her family are in their little tent at the children's festival. It has been raining all night and the whole field has become mud.
:'''Daddy Pig''': Whoa!
:'''Mummy Pig''': What's it like out there, Daddy Pig? Is there any mud?
:'''Daddy Pig''': Um, a little bit of mud, yes.
:'''Mummy Pig''': Oh, my goodness!
:'''Peppa Pig''': So much mud.

=== ''Recorders'' ===
:''[intro]''
:'''Peppa Pig''': Recorders. (title card)
:'''Narrator''': Peppa and her friends are at playgroup.
:''[applause]''
:'''Madame Gazelle''': Children, today you will learn how to play recorders.
:'''Children''': Ooooh!
:'''Madame Gazelle''': Take a recorder each.
:''[children laughing]''
:'''Madame Gazelle''': Now, does anyone know how to play music on the recorder?
:'''Peppa Pig''': You blow it, like this! ''[gasp]''
:''[Peppa blows very flute loudly]''

=== ''Pizza! Pizza!'' ===
:''[intro]''
:'''George''': Pizza! Pizza! (title card)
:''(Peppa and George giggle)''
:'''Narrator''': It is almost lunchtime at Peppa's house.
:'''Daddy Pig''': *oink* What does everyone fancy for lunch today?
:'''Peppa''': Um, can we have a pizza?
:'''George''': Pizza! Pizza!
:'''Mummy Pig''': Good idea! *oink* Let's make pizza!
:'''Daddy Pig''': Ho-ho! I am a bit of an expert at making pizza.
:'''Peppa''': Can George and me help?
:'''Mummy Pig''': Of course.
:''(Peppa and George giggle)''

=== ''TV Land'' ===
:'''Peppa''': Okay. I'm Peppa Pig. (Snort) This is my little brother, George! (Snort) 
:'''Suzy Sheep''': Wow! Peppa and George are want to on TV!
:'''Peppa''': This is Mummy Pig,… (Snort) ..and this is Daddy Pig.
:''(LOUD SNORT; BOTH LAUGH)''

=== ''Buried Treasure'' ===
:''[intro]''
:'''Narrator''': Molly Mole and Freddy Fox have come to play with Peppa and George.
:'''Peppa Pig''': *oink* What shall we play?
:'''Molly Mole''': Let's do digging.
:'''Peppa Pig''': Um, I'm not very good at digging.
:'''Molly Mole''': I am! *squeak* Watch this! ''[She starts digging the ground, while the stones move and Peppa, George and Freddy follow her. She also pants while digging, and they both giggle together while the tunnel is still formed]''
:'''Narrator''': Molly Mole is good at digging.
:'''Freddy Fox''': Wow, Molly's digging a long tunnel!

=== ''Ice Cream'' ===
:'''Coming Soon!'''

{{wikipedia|Peppa Pig}}
[[Category:Peppa Pig seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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'''''[[w:Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom]]''''' (2008–2014) is a British 2D animated (CelAction2D (2D Flash animation/Rigged puppet animation/digital 2D animation/stop-motion/object animation/cutout animation/puppet animation)) preschool educational television series aimed at preschoolers, and kindergarteners, and from ages 3 to 7, originally broadcast on Nickelodeon UK.
For the current series that aired on [[w:5 (British TV channel)|5]], see ''[[Peppa Pig]]''.

==Opening==
:'''Holly''': ''[voiceover]'' Somewhere, hidden amongst thorny brambles is a Little Kingdom of elves and fairies. Everyone who lives here is very, very small.
:'''Ben''': I'm Ben Elf.
:'''Holly''': I'm Princess Holly. Come on, let's play!
:'''Ben''': Wait for us!
:'''Holly''': ''[voiceover]'' [[w:Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom]].

==Season 1 (2008-2011)==
===''Holly's Magic Wand''===
:'''Holly''': I'm sure I left my wand here. It's gone! ''[Holly is crying.]''
:'''Ben''': Hi, Holly.
:'''Holly''': Hi, Ben.
:'''Ben''': What's wrong?
:'''Holly''': I've lost my wand. I can't do magic anymore.
:'''Ben''': Maybe that's a good thing.
:'''Holly''': It's not funny! I'm never going to find my wand and I'll be sad forever. ''[She cries again.]''
:'''Ben''': Cheer up, Holly. I will find your wand.
:'''Holly''': How?
:'''Ben''': Elves are very good at finding things, and I'm an elf. ''[blows trumpet]''
:'''Holly''': Thanks, Ben.

===''Elf Joke Day''=== 
:'''Holly''': Hi, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Hi, Holly. I've got a new toy.
:'''Holly''': What is it?
:'''Ben''': It's a telescope. You can see things that are really far away.
:'''Holly''': Wow! Can I have a go?
:'''Ben''': ''[hands the telescope to Holly]'' Okay.
:'''Holly''': ''[holds the telescope to her eye]'' I can't see anything.
:'''Ben''': Try twisting it a bit.
:'''Holly''': ''[twists the telescope a bit]'' It still doesn't work. ''[she puts the telescope off her eye, revealing a black ring around it]''
:''[Ben starts laughing.]''
:'''Holly''': Why are you laughing, Ben?
:'''Ben''': It's a joke telescope! It gives you a black ring around your eye that makes you look really silly! Look! ''[grabs a spyglass to make Holly look at it]''
:'''Holly''': Ah! Why did you do that?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wise Old Elf''': ''[opening the door]'' Let's go and join in the fun! 
:'''Nanny Plum''': ''[screaming while breaking the toy mouse]'' Help! 
:'''Wise Old Elf''': ''[entering with Ben and Holly]'' Ho-ho-ho. Happy Elf Joke Day! 
:'''Nanny Plum''': That was not funny, Wise Old Elf.

===''Morning, Noon, and Night''===
:''[rooster crows]''
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's the cockerel crow, Princess Holly! Time for fairies to get up!

===''Betty Caterpillar''===
:'''Holly''': Look, Betty Caterpillar is sad.
:''[Betty starts crying.]''
:'''Ben''': I think she feels a bit left out. ''[Gaston the Ladybird and Bobby the Bee are having fun flying. Betty is crying again.]'' I know how to cheer her up.
:'''Holly''': Oh, good. Go on then, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Don't be sad, Betty. Flying isn't everything. Elve's can't fly, and I'm an elf. ''[blows trumpet]''
:''[Betty cries again.]''
:'''Holly''': That didn't cheer her up much. ''[Betty cries once again.]'' Maybe I can make her fly by magic.
:'''Ben''': Can you do that?
:'''Holly''': Um, I think so.

===''Picnic on the Moon''===
:'''Ben''': (''o.s.'') Today's adventure starts... In Outer Space!
:''[The scene pans up to the moon, the title Picnic on the Moon appears.]''
:'''Ben and Holly''': (''o.s.'') Picnic on the Moon!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's the last straw. No water in the sea. And we can't eat food. What kind of picnic is this?
:'''Mr. Elf''': ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''IT'S NOT A PICNIC!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Nanny Plum''': Ok, let's go home.

==Season 2 (2011-2014)==
===''Gaston to the Rescue''===
:'''King Thistle:''' Ewww, who let this smelly ladybird in the house?!

:'''Queen Thistle:''' ''[screaming loudly]''
:'''King Thistle''': HOLLY!!!!
:'''Holly''': Yes, Daddy?
:'''King Thistle''': Please keep Gaston under control.
:'''Holly''': Sorry, Daddy.
:'''King Thistle''': We live in the castle, Gaston lives outside.
:''[Gaston is whining.]''
:'''Ben''': Never mind, Gaston. Let's all go to the great elf tree instead.
:'''Mr. Elf''': Mrs. Elf, that blueberry pie smells delicious.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Yes, Mr. Elf. The secret is to cook it very slowly over 3 days.
:'''Ben''': Hello Mum!
:'''Holly''': Hello!
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Hello Ben, Hello Holly!
:'''Mr. Elf''': Ah, Can't he shake himself outside?
:'''Mrs. Elf''': That pie is not for you, Gaston! Now Ben, Gaston should live outside, we live inside.
:'''Ben''': Okay, Mum.
:'''Mr. Elf''': AGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Where's the pie gone?!
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Gaston's eating it!
:'''Holly''': We don't know it was Gaston.
:'''Ben''': It could have been someone else.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': He's the only one with pie on his face!
:'''Mr. Elf''': &lt;big&gt; ''[crossly]'' Out Gaston, I never want to see you again.&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Gaston is whining.]''
:'''Ben''': Sorry, Gaston.
:'''Holly''': You'd better go home.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Go on, Gaston! Off you go!
:'''Queen Thistle''': Bedtime, Holly! ''[Holly sighs]'' Are you all right, darling?
:'''Holly''': I'm a bit sad. Gaston isn't allowed in our houses anymore. ''[Gaston is howling.]'' Gaston! Oh, Gaston is all wet and cold.
:'''King Thistle''': Gaston, go and make that rucket somewhere else!
:'''Holly''': Poor Gaston. ''[rooster crowing]'' Gaston!

===''Nanny's Magic Test''===
:'''Wise Old Elf''': I'm taking away your wand!
:'''Nanny Plum''': You can't do that!
:'''Wise Old Elf''': I just did.
:'''Nanny Plum''': It's an outrage! The king will be very angry!
:''[cut to the Little Castle]''
:'''King Thistle''': ''[laughing out loud]''
:'''Nanny Plum''': It's not funny!
:'''King Thistle''': You're right, it's not funny. ''[keeps laughing]''
:'''Wise Old Elf''': Nanny does not have a license, she must not do magic!
:'''King Thistle''': Yes, yes, Wise Old Elf. But maybe we can overlook it just this once as it's Nanny?

===''Dolly Plum''===
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's better.
:''[Daisy and Poppy are crying again.]''
:'''Holly''': Now the twins are crying again.

===''Daisy and Poppy Go Bananas''===
:'''Queen and King Thistle''': ''[screaming]''
:'''King Thistle''': What on Earth is going on?!
:'''Queen Thistle''': It's an indoor thunderstorm!
:'''King Thistle''': I wonder if they had something to do with Granny.
:''[rooster crows]''

===''Gaston's Birthday''===
:'''King Thistle''': ''[sighing happily]'' I do like a nice relaxing bath. It's good to get away from all that talk about birthdays. 
:''[King Thistle hears splashing sounds.]''
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': Happy Birthday, your majesty! ''[he blows a party horn]''
:'''King Thistle''': ''[screaming loudly]'' Get out of my bath, and it's not my birthday!
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': I know, this is a dry run.
:'''King Thistle''': Now see here, I don't want any birthday stuff.
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': ''[sighs]'' That's what you say every year. 
:'''King Thistle''': Look, I don't want a cake, I don't want a song, and I don't want a pirate in my bath!
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': So, you really don't want a party? 
:'''King Thistle''': No, I don't want a party, not this year, not next year, and not at any year. Never, no more parties!

===''The Mermaid''===
:''[Holly, Ben, Nanny Plum, Gaston and Mr. Elf heard a distant crying noise.]''
:'''Holly''': Listen, somebody's crying!
:''[It was Oceana, the mermaid, who lost her mirror, and is crying.]''
:'''Holly''': It's a girl! Hello, what are you doing in The Lake?
:'''Oceana''': I live here.
:'''Holly''': You live in The Lake?
:'''Oceana''': Yes. I'm a mermaid. ''[dives to the sea and floats back up]'' My name is Oceana.
:'''Holly''': Why were you crying?
:'''Oceana''': l've lost my mirror.
:'''Holly''': That must be the mirror Lucy found.
:'''Oceana''': And where is this Lucy?
:'''Holly''': She's a big girl, so she'll be on her way to school.

===''Ben &amp; Holly's Christmas''===
====Episode 1====
:'''Wise Old Elf''': Hello. We've come to see the Christmas trees.
:'''Father Christmas''': Ho ho ho!
:'''Man''': Hello, Father Christmas. I like the outfit. What fashion is it exactly?
:'''Father Christmas''': Uh, It's meant to be a disguise.
:'''Holly''': So many lovely Christmas trees.
:'''Woman''': Yes, pine elves are very good at growing Christmas trees.
:'''All''': And we're pine elves!
====Episode 2====
:'''King Thistle''': ''[gasps indignantly]'' ''[crossly]'' Oof, let me out….!

==Cast==
*Preston Nyman - Ben
*Sian Taylor - Holly
*Taig McNab - Gaston

==External links==
*{{imdb title|1436544|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom}}
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]</text>
      <sha1>9wgai7r14nulyvqf6u6ppxyvrezgq8m</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>229922</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951619</id>
      <parentid>3949494</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:14:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951619</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3649" sha1="onsk6aeew1gkk07tq1wg70o07ytlxo1" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery|Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery]]''''' is a 2015 direct-to-DVD animated comedy mystery film, and the 24th film in the direct-to-video series of Scooby-Doo films. The film features Scooby and the gang solving a mystery in KISS World. It was released on on July 21, 2015 by Warner Home Video. 

{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Daphne''': Starchild, do you mind if I ask where you get your super powers from?
:'''Starchild''': ''[plays the guitar]'' Rock and Roll. It powers everything in KISSteria.
:'''Velma''': ''[plays the bass guitar]'' I don't know. Maybe I can find friends with normal interests.
:'''Demon''': Be careful with that bass.
:'''Velma''': Because it's made from alien technology?
:'''Demon''': Because it costs more than your house.
:''[Velma is surprised and stops playing the bass guitar]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crimson Witch''': Give me...
:'''Demon''': Rock. We get it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Catman''': ''[grabs the dispenser from the Crimson Witch]'' Look, she hid gas dispensers in her cape.
:''[Crimson Witch chases Shaggy with a diamond and Scooby]''
:'''Spaceman''': ''[grabs the Crimson Witch's belt]'' And here's the magnetic repulsor-field belt she used for flying. Ooh. ''[reads]'' &quot;Quest Research Laboratories&quot;. Good stuff. ''[activates the belt to float]''
:'''Starchild''': All stolen from her previous employer.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Thanks, Starchild. KISS has been on witch watch ever since we passed out.
:'''Shaggy''': So, like, who's the witch?
:'''Velma''': I thought you'd have guessed when we opened her locker, Shaggy. ''[unmasks the Crimson Witch]'' She's Delilah Domino, the head of security.
:''[Manny Goldman, two security guards, Chikara, Shandi Strutter and Chip McGhoo arrive]''
:'''Manny''': Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. Delilah, I knew it. I didn't really know it, but, you know, I like to be smart. I'm the boss.
:'''Chikara''': Curious. I didn't see that coming.
:'''Shandi''': How did you know?
:'''Velma''': When Delilah mentioned that she worked for a government defense company, we did some research. Turns out, they specialized in lasers.
:'''Shaggy and Scooby''': So?
:'''Fred''': Lasers that use black diamonds, guys.
:'''Daphne''': She was hoping to steal it from here, and sell it to a competing defense company since she was fired from the last one.
:'''Fred''': She was also the one stealing your chemicals, so she could make her witch gas. As head of security, she would've had another keycard to your lab.
:'''Velma''': And while everyone was watching the concert, she hid the diamond here in her locker.
:''[Two security guards take Delilah into custody]''
:'''Delilah''': My plan was perfect. And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling KISS. Er, uh, kids. You meddling kids.
:'''Chip''': Note to self: KISS handcuffs.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Shaggy''': Did you see?
:'''Scooby''': Did you?
:''[Shaggy and Scooby run to catch up with Velma, Daphne and Fred, but stop]''
:'''Shaggy''': You think we should tell her ''[Velma]''?
:'''Scooby''': No. Why rock her world?
:'''Shaggy''': Good point.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2015 animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tony Cervone]]
[[Category:Animated films about Halloween]]</text>
      <sha1>onsk6aeew1gkk07tq1wg70o07ytlxo1</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rabbit Seasoning</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>229968</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951706</id>
      <parentid>3951043</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:16:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951706</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1527" sha1="bwlh6lollvvuucoiudskfk916t7ueu2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rabbit Seasoning|Rabbit Seasoning]]''''' is a 1952 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. Released on September 20, 1952, the short stars [[Bugs Bunny]], [[Daffy Duck]] and [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]. A clip of it was featured in ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]''.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Elmer Fudd''': ''[peers down in the rabbit hole]'' Okay, Wabbit! Now, I gotcha!
:'''Bugs''': ''[peers down in the same rabbit hole]'' Eh. What's up, doc?
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Would you like to shoot me now or wait till you get home?
:'''Daffy Duck''': Shoot him now! Shoot him now!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': You keep outta this! He doesn't have to shoot you now!
:'''Daffy Duck''': He does so have to shoot me now! ''[to Elmer]'' I demand that you shoot me now!
:''[Elmer shoots him]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[Daffy Duck]]
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] - [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|45062}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1952 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>bwlh6lollvvuucoiudskfk916t7ueu2</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hare-Way to the Stars</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>229969</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951662</id>
      <parentid>3951092</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:51:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951662</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1717" sha1="pcp11jiwew4bl2kp2ootgsgdzohwv2c" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Hare-Way to the Stars title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Hare-Way to the Stars|Hare-Way to the Stars]]''''' is a 1958 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]]. The short was released on March 29, 1958, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Marvin the Martian|Marvin the Martian]].

This cartoon was featured in [[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]].

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[first lines]'' Gads. What a night. I will never mix radish juice and carrot juice again.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Last lines; Bugs Bunny returns to Earth, with the instant Martians]''
:'''Bugs''': Boy! It feels really wonderful to be back in civilization. ''[hits a construction sign, goes flying and falls down a sewer drain, and the ground shakes. He pops out and closes the cover]'' Run for the hills, Folks! Or you'll be up to your armpits in Martians! ''[runs away as the instant Martians begin to grow]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0051701|Hare-Way to the Stars}}
 {{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Marvin the Martian cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1958 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Animated science fiction short films]]
[[Category:Animated space adventure films]]</text>
      <sha1>pcp11jiwew4bl2kp2ootgsgdzohwv2c</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Napoleon Bunny-Part</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230203</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951666</id>
      <parentid>3692976</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:55:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951666</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1151" sha1="o68nw85hbfqyniksti55iwbocwb5dim" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Napoleon Bunny-Part.png|thumb|Title card.]]
'''''[[w:Napoleon Bunny-Part|Napoleon Bunny-Part]]''''' is a 1956 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] [[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]] cartoon, directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was released on June 16, 1956, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. In the short, Bugs takes a wrong turn off the Hollywood freeway and tunnels into the headquarters of Napoleon Bonaparte.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* Say, where am I? One wrong turn off the Hollywood freeway and I end up in the theatre lobby!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Asylum Worker #1''': Hey, Pierre! Here's another Napoleon.
:'''Asylum Worker #2''': That's ze twelfth one today.
:''[Drags Napoleon away]''
:'''Napoleon''': BUT I AM NAPOLEON!
:'''Asylum Worker #1''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Sure you are.
:'''Napoleon''': I WILL HAVE YOU EXECUTED FOR THI-I-I-I-IS!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': He he he. Imagine that guy thinking he's Napoleon... ''[grabs hat from nowhere]'' ...when I REALLY AM!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0049541}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>o68nw85hbfqyniksti55iwbocwb5dim</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Porky Pig's Feat</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230254</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951914</id>
      <parentid>3764536</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T01:53:19Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3951914</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1180" sha1="4xnbipzmvgecj4he8ulzg9hyom0gnuu" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Porky Pig's Feat title card.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Porky Pig's Feat|Porky Pig's Feat]]''''' is a 1943 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' [[w:animated cartoon|animated cartoon]] directed by [[w:Frank Tashlin|Frank Tashlin]]. The cartoon was released on July 17, 1943, and stars [[Porky Pig]] and [[Daffy Duck]], with a cameo appearance by [[Bugs Bunny]].

== Dialogue ==
:'''Daffy''': I guess I showed that overstuffed turnip.
:'''Broken Arms Hotel Manager''': '''''WHAT?!?'''''
:'''Daffy''': Yipe!
&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:''[Daffy and Porky attempt to swing out of the Broken Arms hotel.]''
:'''Daffy''': One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to...GERONIMO!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|36271}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1943 animated films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Porky Pig cartoons]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Frank Tashlin]]</text>
      <sha1>4xnbipzmvgecj4he8ulzg9hyom0gnuu</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dumb Patrol</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230403</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951640</id>
      <parentid>3923208</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:00:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951640</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6274" sha1="nx8phvnyc4f4hwmt21o4cbogi5yt432" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Dumb Patrol|Dumb Patrol]]''''' is a 1964 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon short directed by [[w:Gerry Chiniquy|Gerry Chiniquy]]. The short was released on January 18, 1964, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]], with a cameo appearance by [[Porky Pig]]. The short features a biplane battles over France in [[World War I]] between Bugs and Baron (Yosemite) Sam Von Schpamm.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[after knocking Porky out with a brick]'' Sorry, Smedley, old buddy. You know, I just have to take his place. He's got a wife and six piglets.
* ''[last lines, as he watches Sam fall to the ammunition dump.]'' Uh-oh, he's headin' right to the ammunition dump! ''[The explosion causes an earthquake as he and his plane shake from the rumble. He then takes notice of Sam's spirit in a devil suit floating to Hell.]'' I've heard of Hell's Angels, but I never thought I'd see one.

== Yosemite Sam ==
* Come on, plane! Contact! Ooh, ya stupid plane! I'll learn ya! ''[leaves and comes back with a hammer]'' When I say &quot;contact,&quot; ''I mean contact!'' ''[whacks the plane's propeller with a hammer, causing it to start spinning fast enough for the plane to run him over]'' Whoa, plane, whoa! ''[He chases after it.]'' I said, &quot;Whoa,&quot; plane! Come on, plane! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
* If you're not Yeller, come on out and fight, wherever ya are! ''[Bugs comes from behind and saws his plane completely. He jumps to the top of the plane to try to keep out of harm's way. He points at Bugs in anger.]'' You'll pay for this! ''[He falls back to the ground again.]''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Well, what do you know? There's the little Wiener schnitzel, now. I'll just drop him this little token of my esteem.
:''[While flying over him, Bugs Bunny drops a note to the Baron Sam von Schpam.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': What's this?
:''[Baron starts reading the note, Bugs sent.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Uh, &quot;Dear baron: Roses are red, violets are blue, a leghorn's a chicken, and so are you!&quot; Why, that dummkopf! He even spelt &quot;baron&quot; with a small b! &quot;P.S.: I enclosed a big &quot;B&quot; in the flowers.&quot;
:''[A bee stings the Baron's nose.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': '''YEOW!''' ''[Angered after being stung by the yellow-jacket bee, he rushes to his plane.]'' Contact! ''[He tries to start his plane by spinning its propeller, but it keeps spluttering. He jumps on the plane's propeller, but still, nothing.]'' Come on, plane! Contact! Ooh, ya stupid plane! I'll learn ya! ''[leaves and comes back with a hammer]'' When I say &quot;contact,&quot; ''I mean contact!'' ''[He whacks the propeller with the mallet and it finally starts, but it takes off too soon and too fast and runs him over.]'' Whoa, plane, whoa! ''[He chases after it.]'' I said, &quot;Whoa,&quot; plane! Come on, plane! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
:''[He eventually climbs onboard as it takes off into the sky. Bugs notices Sam coming after him from behind.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Uh-oh.
:''[He tries to ascend to the clouds to hide from Sam, but Sam sees him.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[points up to Bugs from the clouds]'' I saw ya sneak in there, ya yellow-livered swine hut! I'm-a gonna count to three, and if you don't come out, I'm-a comin' in after ya! One, two- ''[He crashes into a mountain and falls to the ground.]'' Ooh, that dirty snizckel kopf! Uck un strud'l hit'n snizckel kopf! ''[An explosion comes from the crash. Next scene, he returns to the hangar to pilot a pink plane. Once he's in the sky again, he searches for Bugs.]'' If you're not Yeller, come on out and fight, wherever ya are! ''[Bugs comes from behind and saws his plane completely. He jumps to the top of the plane to try to keep out of harm's way. He points at Bugs in anger.]'' You'll pay for this! ''[He falls back to the ground again. Next scene, we find him piloting a purple plane as he searches for Bugs again. Once the rabbit appears, he fires a machine gun at him, but misses. Bugs comes from the other side and he fires again, with the same results. He looks around, then Bugs appears again from behind. He takes notice and fires at him for the third time, but the rabbit escapes again. Bugs comes from the upper right and the Baron fires once again, to no avail. Bugs Bunny comes from the right, ahead of him, and he shoots, but still can't shoot the rabbit down. Bugs then goes all directions to make the Baron destroy his third plane as he opens rapid fire at him, resulting in him falling to the ground once again, dropping his gun in the process. He then rides what remains of his purple plane back to the hanger as a unicycle. Next scene, we see him piloting a red bomber plane, looking to drop bombs on Bugs. He looks for the rabbit with his periscope. He eventually finds him in his sights.]'' Ah-ha! ''[Once he has a lock-on at Bugs, he opens the hatch.]'' Bombs away! ''[He presses a switch to drop the bombs on Bugs, but unfortunately for him, he also falls and also finds that Bugs got away yet again.]'' Oh, no! ''[He crash-lands on the ground for the fourth time and the bombs explode on him. Next scene, he is piloting what appears to be a dinky little green biplane, but once he sees Bugs flying off, he pulls the lever and the biplane turns into a fierce fight monster triplane loaded with 10 machine guns.]'' Say yer prayers, rabbit!
:''[He pulls the lever to full power, but the plane breaks into three pieces, sending Sam falling to his doom. Bugs sees him falling to the ammunition dump.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Uh-oh, he's headin' right to the ammunition dump! ''[The explosion causes an earthquake as he and his plane shake from the rumble. He then takes notice of Sam's spirit in a devil suit floating to Hell.]'' I've heard of Hell's Angels, but I never thought I'd see one.
:''[The last shot sees Sam playing a harp as he floats skyward, ending the cartoon.]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0058046}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:1964 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:World War I films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Gerry Chiniquy]]</text>
      <sha1>nx8phvnyc4f4hwmt21o4cbogi5yt432</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951643</id>
      <parentid>3951640</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:02:58Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>trimmed quotes - too many for a &lt;7 min. short</comment>
      <origin>3951643</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2426" sha1="gwcvux3gzusi46cm2jea6fuvh3y0qgp" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Dumb Patrol|Dumb Patrol]]''''' is a 1964 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon short directed by [[w:Gerry Chiniquy|Gerry Chiniquy]]. The short was released on January 18, 1964, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]], with a cameo appearance by [[Porky Pig]]. The short features a biplane battles over France in [[World War I]] between Bugs and Baron (Yosemite) Sam Von Schpamm.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[last lines, as he watches Sam fall to the ammunition dump.]'' Uh-oh, he's headin' right to the ammunition dump! ''[The explosion causes an earthquake as he and his plane shake from the rumble. He then takes notice of Sam's spirit in a devil suit floating to Hell.]'' I've heard of Hell's Angels, but I never thought I'd see one.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Well, what do you know? There's the little Wiener schnitzel, now. I'll just drop him this little token of my esteem.
:''[While flying over him, Bugs Bunny drops a note to the Baron Sam von Schpam.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': What's this?
:''[Baron starts reading the note, Bugs sent.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Uh, &quot;Dear baron: Roses are red, violets are blue, a leghorn's a chicken, and so are you!&quot; Why, that dummkopf! He even spelt &quot;baron&quot; with a small b! &quot;P.S.: I enclosed a big &quot;B&quot; in the flowers.&quot;
:''[A bee stings the Baron's nose.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': '''YEOW!''' ''[Angered after being stung by the yellow-jacket bee, he rushes to his plane.]'' Contact! ''[He tries to start his plane by spinning its propeller, but it keeps spluttering. He jumps on the plane's propeller, but still, nothing.]'' Come on, plane! Contact! Ooh, ya stupid plane! I'll learn ya! ''[leaves and comes back with a hammer]'' When I say &quot;contact,&quot; ''I mean contact!'' ''[He whacks the propeller with the mallet and it finally starts, but it takes off too soon and too fast and runs him over.]'' Whoa, plane, whoa! ''[He chases after it.]'' I said, &quot;Whoa,&quot; plane! Come on, plane! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0058046}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:1964 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:World War I films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Gerry Chiniquy]]</text>
      <sha1>gwcvux3gzusi46cm2jea6fuvh3y0qgp</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Prince Varmint</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230477</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951658</id>
      <parentid>3921924</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:49:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951658</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1226" sha1="fp9ld7ohrk5v3k0nc9lmeb74zchbq2d" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Prince Violent|Prince Violent]]''''' (retitled '''''Prince Varmint''''' for television) is a 1961 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] and Freleng's longtime layout artist [[w:Hawley Pratt|Hawley Pratt]]. The short was released on September 2, 1961, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]]. In the short, Bugs Bunny defends a castle from the Viking invader, Sam the Terrible.

== Bugs Bunny ==
*It's about time that little Viking tried it again! ''[his timer goes off; Sam tries to dig through a pillar]'' Yep! Right on time!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': You can lower the bridge now! The enemy has gone!
:''[Unfortunately, Sam along with the elephant are hiding behind some rocks. This gives Sam his chance as the drawbridge opens.]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Hyah, hyah, Mule! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah, Hyah, Hyah...
:''[However, The drawbridge breaks and Sam and the elephant falls into the moat.]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category: Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1961 animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>fp9ld7ohrk5v3k0nc9lmeb74zchbq2d</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hare Lift</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230504</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951707</id>
      <parentid>3716936</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:17:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951707</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="2088" sha1="jz34qc0rfog6dm4zdby0ex91d1h4jfx" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hare Lift|Hare Lift]]''''' is a 1952 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was released on December 20, 1952, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]]. The title is a play on the term &quot;air lift,&quot; as expressed in the plotline. In the short, bank robber Yosemite Sam forces Bugs to try to fly the largest airplane in the world.

This cartoon was featured in the beginning of [[Devil's Feud Cake]].

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[Last lines; an ending almost referencing [[Falling Hare]], after managing to pull the lever that says air brakes which stops the plane in midair]'' Lucky for me, this thing had air brakes.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[reading book, &quot;How to Fly&quot;]'' &quot;Refer to page 5, illustration E...&quot;
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Quick, quick! Do something, or we're gonna crash! Read faster, rabbit! Read faster, or I'll blast your head off!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[closing the book]'' I refuse to look up any more reference because you talked mean to me. Say you're sorry.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[smacking forehead]'' Oh, no! ''[runs to the window, and sees that the plane is plummeting to Earth very quickly]'' Okay, you crazy galoot, I'm sorry.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Say you're sorry with sugar on it.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[indignantly]'' No! No! Never!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[pause]'' Okay.
:''[Sam nervously begins playing with a yo-yo and jacks, while Bugs calmly chews on a carrot. Eventually, Sam returns to the window and sees to his horror that the plane is just about to crash]''
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[frantically]'' I'm sorry with sugar on it!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': That's better. ''Much'' better. I'll see what I can do.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': YAAAAAH!
:''[Bugs manages to get the plane back up before it nosedives]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0044688}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1952 animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>jz34qc0rfog6dm4zdby0ex91d1h4jfx</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rabbit Fire</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230539</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951712</id>
      <parentid>3951040</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:20:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951712</origin>
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      <text bytes="2836" sha1="mspdwlw89t3siaw7gdqrkv9t3zbgox5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rabbit Fire|Rabbit Fire]]''''' is a 1951 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon starring [[Bugs Bunny]], [[Daffy Duck]], and [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]. Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]], the short is the first film in Jones' &quot;hunting trilogy&quot;—the other two films being ''[[Rabbit Seasoning]]'' and ''[[Duck! Rabbit, Duck!]]'' It is also the first film to feature a feud between Bugs and Daffy. In the short, Daffy Duck and Bugs argue back and forth whether it is duck season or rabbit season. The object of their arguments is hunter Elmer Fudd. The film's title, &quot;Rabbit Fire&quot;, is a pun on &quot;rapid fire.&quot;

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Say, doc, are you trying to get yourself in trouble with the law? This ain't rabbit hunting season.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': It's not?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': No, it's duck hunting season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': That, sir, is an in-mitigated frab-reaction. It's rabbit season.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Duck season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Rabbit season!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Duck season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Rabbit season!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Duck season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Rabbit season!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Rabbit season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Duck season!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Rabbit season.
:'''Daffy Duck''': I say it's duck season. And I say fire!
:''[Elmer shoots Daffy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daffy''': ''[disguised as Bugs]'' Eh, what's up, doc? Having any luck on those ducks? It's duck season, you know.
:'''Bugs''': ''[disguised as Daffy]'' Just a darn minute. Where do you get that duck season stuff?
:'''Daffy''': Says so right over there on that sign, if you're so smart. ''[the sign reads &quot;rabbit season&quot;]'' You know what to do with that gun, doc. ''[Elmer shoots Daffy]'' ''[to Bugs]'' You're despicable!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bugs and Daffy are trying to convince Elmer to shoot the other and make a meal out of him]''
:'''Elmer Fudd''': I'm sorry fellas, but I'm a vegetarian. I just hunt for the sport of it. Ha ha ha ha ha.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Oh yeah?! Well there's other sports besides hunting, you know!
:'''Daffy Duck''': ''[appears in a tennis outfit]'' Anyone for tennis? ''[Elmer shoots him]'' Nice game.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny / Daffy Duck
* [[w:Arthur Q. Bryan|Arthur Q. Bryan]] as Elmer Fudd

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0043953}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1951 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>mspdwlw89t3siaw7gdqrkv9t3zbgox5</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Apes of Wrath</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230687</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951661</id>
      <parentid>3923201</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:51:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <origin>3951661</origin>
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      <text bytes="2747" sha1="78ip4hx7891ggnzonbnnsp1m5zlw6hh" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Apes of Wrath title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Apes of Wrath|Apes of Wrath]]''''' is a 1959 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was released on April 18, 1959, and stars [[w: Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]], with a cameo appearance by [[w: Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]]. This cartoon recycles the plot from the 1948 cartoon ''[[w:Gorilla My Dreams|Gorilla My Dreams]]''.  The title is a parody of [[John Steinbeck]]'s novel ''[[The Grapes of Wrath]]''. In the short, the drunken stork loses his baby ape for Mr. and Mrs. Elvis Ape on a jungle island. So, he knocks out Bugs Bunny and delivers him instead.

This cartoon was featured in [[Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales]], But, instead of Bugs saying, &quot;So, I'll be a monkey.&quot;, he said, &quot;So, I'll sell books later.&quot;, and the ending was changed. Instead of ending with Daffy appearing, it changes to Bugs tunneling his way to the desert.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Drunk Stork''': ''[as he was resting against a tree]'' What a day! Fifteen deliveries and one to go. Hic! Everybody's glad to see the stork! Hic! Here stork, have a drink to the new baby, Oh, have another! C'mon! Bottoms up! One for the road! ''[as he was talking, the baby gorilla escaped from the bag and wandered away]'' You gotta be social, hic! You gotta be social, hic! You just can't refuse the generous hospital, hic! Their hospital, hic! You just can't refuse them! Hic! Well. I better be going! Hic! That mother gorilla must be getting worried. ''[looks in the bag and realizes that the baby gorilla had disappeared]'' Gone! Oh no! Hic! I'll be dismissed! Kicked out of the stork club! I just gotta get a baby somehow!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[as he was resting near a campfire]'' I dream of Jeanie, she's a light brown hare! ''[The drunk stork gets out a bat and bonks the rabbit in the head]'' I dream of Jeanie, she's a light... brown... hare...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bugs''': I'd like to see him eeh-ooh-aah-ooh and but his way outta this one!
:''[Just then, the drunk stork shows up.]''
:'''Drunk Stork''': Congra-Hic! Congra-Hic! Congratulations! You’re a mother! ''[gives Bugs the bag]''
:'''Bugs''': Mother?
:''[Daffy Duck pops out of the bag.]''
:'''Daffy''': Mother! My dearest little mommy! ''[kisses Bugs]'' Oh. I just love you mommy!

== Voice cast ==
* [[w: Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - [[Bugs Bunny]] / Stork / Elvis Gorilla / [[Daffy Duck]]
* [[w: June Foray|June Foray]] - Mrs. Gorilla

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:1959 animated films]]
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category: Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>78ip4hx7891ggnzonbnnsp1m5zlw6hh</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hare Trimmed</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230702</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951701</id>
      <parentid>3716992</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:13:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951701</origin>
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      <text bytes="1875" sha1="jnve9vbahzgs32uraso96uvzdxt27nc" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Hare Trimmed.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Hare Trimmed|Hare Trimmed]]''''' is a 1953 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] and written by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]]. The short was released on June 20, 1953, and features [[Bugs Bunny]], [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]] and [[w:Granny (Looney Tunes)|Granny]]. In the short, Yosemite Sam hears that Granny has inherited fifty million dollars. Good guy Bugs tries to save Granny from Sam's clutches. 

This cartoon was featured in [[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]], but with new animation showing Sam getting killed by the falling safe and ending up in Hell.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[preparing to duel with Sam]'' En garde?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': I'm ready!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[Sam starts taking his steps while Bugs counts]'' One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, nine and a half, nine and three quarters, nine and three sixteenths, eleven sixteenths, twelve sixteenths, ten! ''[a bus runs over Sam]'' Yep, he's right on time.
:'''Yosemite Sam''': ''[lying dazed in the middle of the street]'' Ooh...what a night.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;?&gt;
:''[Bugs, dressed as Granny, comes up to Yosemite Sam with a tray full of coffee supplies]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': One or two lumps?
:'''Yosemite Sam''': Make it two.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Two? Okay. ''[takes a mallet and delivers two lumps to Sam's noggin with it]'' One, two. ''[then runs off, giggling]''

== Voice cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - [[Bugs Bunny]] / [[w:Yosemite Sam|Yosemite Sam]] / Minister

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0045857}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category: Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1953 animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>jnve9vbahzgs32uraso96uvzdxt27nc</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Bewitched Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230704</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951691</id>
      <parentid>3951080</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:04:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951691</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1767" sha1="ojvsabont3lkkcm1lcxungrfe85arrg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Bewitched Bunny title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Bewitched Bunny|Bewitched Bunny]]''''' is a 1954 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]]. The short was released on July 24, 1954, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. Jones created the character [[w:Witch Hazel (Looney Tunes)|Witch Hazel]] who debuted in this cartoon. In the short, Bugs Bunny, disguised as a truant officer, attempts to rescue Hansel and Gretel from Witch Hazel, who plans to cook him for her dinner. This cartoon was featured in ''[[Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales]]''.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[as a truant officer]'' You oughta be ashamed of yourself - roasting children!
:'''Witch Hazel''': ''[innocently]'' Call it a weakness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[as a truant officer]'' Run for your dear little lives. She is a witch, and means to eat you for her supper!
:'''Gretel''': Ach!
:'''Hansel''': Und Himmel!
:'''Hansel and Gretel''': '' [in unison, to the Witch]'' Ach! Your mother rides a vacuum cleaner!

== Voice Cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - [[Bugs Bunny]] / Hansel / Prince Charming
* [[w:Bea Benaderet|Bea Benaderet]] - Witch Hazel, Gretel

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0046771}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1954 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>ojvsabont3lkkcm1lcxungrfe85arrg</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Canary Row</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230812</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951741</id>
      <parentid>3777002</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:58:18Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951741</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1973" sha1="n5jna4vnsb5vbeh7xs2cvvx7b4w4427" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Canary Row|Canary Row]]''''' is a 1950 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. The short was released on October 7, 1950, and stars [[w:Tweety|Tweety]] and [[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]].

This is the first Sylvester and Tweety cartoon to feature [[w:Granny (Looney Tunes)|Granny]]. The title of this cartoon is a play on words from ''[[w:Cannery Row|Cannery Row]]''; Sylvester later starred in another cartoon with a similar title, ''Cannery Woe''.
:''Directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|I. Freleng]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Special Thanks to [[w:Maunel Perez|Maunel Perez]], [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]], Zach James and Stephen Jones. Screenplay by Jack Morris and Mike Thomas. Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

==[[w:Tweety|Tweety]]==
* ''[after Sylvester falls down, after attempting to swing into Tweety’s apartment]'' That puddy tat's gonna hurt himself if he isn't more careful.

==Dialogue==
:''[Sylvester was being chased and electrocuted by a trolley driven by Tweety and Granny]''
:'''Tweety''': I tawt I tawt a puddy tat!
:'''Granny''': You did, you '''DID'''! You '''''DID''''' taw a putty tat!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Sylvester, Tweety, Desk Clerk and Monkey.
* [[w:Bea Benaderet|Bea Benaderet]] as Granny. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Surreal comedy films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Films set in San Francisco]]
[[Category:Films set in apartment buildings]]
[[Category:Films set in hotels]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>n5jna4vnsb5vbeh7xs2cvvx7b4w4427</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Tweety's S.O.S.</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230813</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951711</id>
      <parentid>3932493</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:20:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951711</origin>
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      <text bytes="744" sha1="n71xd9tm6nicelf4c4219ydsn20hsgm" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Tweety's S.O.S.}}''' is a 1951 Warner Bros. cartoon film, starring Sylvester and Tweety

== Dialogue ==
:'''Sylvester''': Hello, breakfast!
:''[Tweety closed the window on Sylvester’s face and he falls in the water.]''
:'''Tweety''': You bad ol' peeping Tom cat!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sylvester was feeling seasick and is hanging over the side of the ship. Tweety flies in.]''
:'''Tweety''': Oh. There you are! Did you lose something, puddy?
:''[Sylvester looks up from Tweety, his face was green.]''
:'''Tweety''': ''[laughs]'' That's a good twick! I wish I could turn gween wike that!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1951 animated films]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category: Sylvester cartoons]]</text>
      <sha1>n71xd9tm6nicelf4c4219ydsn20hsgm</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>A Star is Bored</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>230961</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951671</id>
      <parentid>3692869</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:57:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <origin>3951671</origin>
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      <text bytes="1582" sha1="ip9as46siob2j9hbr1orln3m0pn547x" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:A Star is Bored title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:A Star Is Bored|A Star Is Bored]]''''' is a 1956 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon, directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The short was released on September 15, 1956, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[Daffy Duck]]. In the short, Daffy Duck must double for Bugs in any slapstick that Warners considers too dangerous for its star Bug Bunny.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Producer''': ''[on the phone]'' Yeah. Yeah, I know we need a double on the Bugs Bunny picture, but where can I get anyone stupid enough to take the job?
:'''Daffy Duck''': Okay, boss, hang up. A star is born, and that star is me!
:'''Producer''': ''[on the phone]'' I'll call you right back. I...I think I got a pigeon.
:'''Daffy Duck''': Pigeon? I'm not a pigeon. I'm a duck. D-U-K, duck. Loaded with talent. I do card tricks and impersonations. I work at weddings, bar mitzvahs...Have tux, will travel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Daffy Duck''': I wonder where all the hunters are today? ''[gets blasted by the hunters]'' I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT?!
:''[As it turns out, the one responsible for writing the script was Bugs Bunny]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': I'd like to tell him, but, ''[chuckles]'' modesty forbids.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0049792}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Yosemite Sam cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]</text>
      <sha1>ip9as46siob2j9hbr1orln3m0pn547x</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Grey Hounded Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>231163</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951726</id>
      <parentid>3803314</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:51:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951726</origin>
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      <text bytes="2168" sha1="hrnyfjueg0ixz3rd4oejf1487p02gkw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Grey Hounded Hare|The Grey Hounded Hare]]''''' is a 1949 ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' short film made by [[w:Warner Bros. Pictures|Warner Bros. Pictures]] and starring the voice talent of [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]]. It was directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]], and animated by [[w:John Carey (animator)|John Carey]], [[w:Phil DeLara|Phil DeLara]], [[w:Manny Gould|Manny Gould]] and [[w:Charles McKimson|Charles McKimson]], with music scored by [[w:Carl Stalling|Carl Stalling]].  The title refers to the [[w:greyhound|greyhound]]s of the plot as well as &quot;hounded&quot; meaning pestered or pursued relentlessly. Along with ''[[w:Tugboat Granny|Tugboat Granny]]'' and ''[[w:Guided Muscle|Guided Muscle]]'', ''The Grey Hounded Hare'' was featured on the final episode of ''[[w:The Bugs Bunny &amp; Tweety Show|The Bugs Bunny &amp; Tweety Show]]'', which aired on ABC on September 2, 2000. It was also the last Bugs Bunny cartoon to air on broadcast network television.

This cartoon was featured in Bugs Bunny's Cupid Capers.

== Announcer ==
* ''[Introducing the dogs]'' Bill's Bunion is looking a little sore.  Pneumatic Tire is rounding into shape.  Father's Mustache is looking a little droopy.  Motorman's Glove will have a hand in it.  Bride's Biscuit is hard as a rock.  Grandpa's Folly is out of it!  He's being scratched!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Announcer''': There goes the buzzer and there goes the rabbit!
:'''Bugs''': Rabbit?! ''[sees the mechanical rabbit]'' Wow! ''[wolf whistles]'' What a hunk of feminine pulchritoodee! ''[his heart thumps]''
:'''Announcer''': The dogs are doing wild and there they go! ''[the dogs start chasing the female rabbit]''
:'''Bugs''': ''[realizes this]'' What?! Dogs chasing that cute little bunny? They can't do this! Chivalry is not dead! I'll save you, sweetheart! ''[goes to save the mechanical rabbit]''

== Cast ==
*[[w: Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0041434}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Grey Hounded Hare, The}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:1949 animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>hrnyfjueg0ixz3rd4oejf1487p02gkw</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rabbit Hood</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>231566</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951742</id>
      <parentid>3951105</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:00:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951742</origin>
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      <text bytes="3235" sha1="4skvva6hj21hn2fftintb9gkl7ukctw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Rabbit Hood title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Rabbit Hood|Rabbit Hood]]''''' is a 1949 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon released on December 24, 1949. The entry was directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]], and features Bugs Bunny. In the short, when Bugs tries to take a carrot from the King's field in Sherwood Forest, he's caught in the act by the Sheriff of Nottingham.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': [Bugs runs into the King's Royal Rose Gardens]  Stop! Stop! You can't go in there! You're not allowed in there! This is the King's private garden! You're standing on royal ground!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Royal ground? You mean to say that this ground is better than that ground over there?
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': Yes, it is!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Oh, I don't know. Now, you take this piece of ground over here. Now here's a nice piece of property. Level, fruit trees, choice view, improvements already in. Eh, what type of house was you planning?
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': Well, I... I sort of had a six-room Tudor in mind.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Then this is the just the place for you, and it's priced just right. But, uh, first, uh... Are you a veteran?
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': No, I'm a...
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Good, then it'll be easy. Here, just sign on the dotted line.
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': Well, uh... couldn't I call you later? You see, I...
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Well, I don't know. You see, there was a couple here from Kansas City looking at this place this morning, and they...
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': All right! I'll sign! I'll sign! Here!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': You'll never regret it, my friend. This place will double in value inside six months.
:''[Cut to the Sheriff working on a half-finished house in the Garden when he suddenly realizes what he was deceived]'''
:'''Sheriff of Nottingham''': Ooh! I hate myself! I do! I do! I do! ''[proceeds to hit himself in the head with his hammer repeatedly, almost contemplating suicide]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little John''': Don't you worry, never fear, Ro...
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Yeah, I know, Robin Hood will soon be here. He robs from the rich and he gives to the poor. Yo-ho-ho, he goes skipping, tra-la-la, through Sherwood Forest, helping the needy and the oppressed. Ah, you've been saying that through the whole picture! Well, where is he?
:'''Little John''': Oh, you should not talk mean like that, because there he is!
:'''Robin Hood''': ''[Appears in live-action footage three to five second cameo]''  Welcome to Sherwood!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[Stares in astonishment for a moment]'' Nah, that's silly. It couldn't be him.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - Bugs Bunny / Sheriff of Nottingham / Little John

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0041779}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1949 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>4skvva6hj21hn2fftintb9gkl7ukctw</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>French Rarebit</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>231685</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951713</id>
      <parentid>3908588</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:21:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951713</origin>
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      <text bytes="1787" sha1="ao0esbeet30oxzlp0jketax0jj7qwvg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:French Rarebit|French Rarebit]]''''' is a 1951 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short, directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. Released June 30, 1951, the cartoon features [[Bugs Bunny]]. The title is a takeoff on &quot;[[w:Welsh rarebit|Welsh rarebit]]&quot;, which is also known as &quot;Welsh rabbit&quot;.
:''Directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]]. Produced by [[w:Edward Selzer|Edward Selzer]]. (uncredited) Story by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]].''

==[[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]]==
* ''[last lines]'' Personally, I prefer hamburger.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Of course, if you really want to make something good, nothing beats a good old [[w:Louisiana|Louisiana]] Back-bay [[w:Bayou|Bayou]] [[w:Rabbit|Bunny]] [[w:Bordeaux|Bordelaise]], a la Antoine.
:'''François''': A la Antoine? ZE [[w:Antoine's|Antoine]] of [[w:New Orleans|New Orleans]]?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': I don't mean Antoine of [[w:Flatbush, Brooklyn|Flatbush]].

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as Bugs Bunny and François.
* [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]] as Louis. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:French Rarebit}}
[[Category:1951 animated films]]
[[Category:1950s English-language films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:French animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Surreal comedy films]]
[[Category:Slapstick films]]
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Animated films about talking animals]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Paris]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:Films about chefs]]</text>
      <sha1>ao0esbeet30oxzlp0jketax0jj7qwvg</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Barbary Coast Bunny</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>232063</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951672</id>
      <parentid>3951079</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:58:16Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
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      <text bytes="1740" sha1="d1tqsvz78m8w7kitw3jcrws51vjhxe6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Barbary Coast Bunny|Barbary Coast Bunny]]''''' is a 1956 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' [[w:Animated cartoon|cartoon]] [[w:short film|short]] directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. The short was released on July 21, 1956, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. In the short, when Nasty Canasta cheats Bugs out of his gold, the rabbit retaliates by playing a naïve hayseed whose effortless and unrelenting winning bankrupts Canasta's new casino.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[last lines]'' The moral of the story is, don't try to steal no 18 karats from no rabbit.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Nasty Canasta''': I got a full house. What you got, sucker?
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Gee, does that beat me? All I got is two pair. A pair of ones, and another pair of ones. ''[puts down four aces; Canasta quivers his lips in despair]'' Hey, do you mean I win again?
:'''Nasty Canasta''': ''[pulls a gun on Bugs]'' Yeah, you win. But now we're gonna play another little game.
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Another game? Hey, that's great. What do you do, spin this little gadget? ''[spins the cylinder on the gun, and money pours out the barrel; Canasta tries it, the gun goes off on his face]''

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|id=0048985|title=Barbary Coast Bunny}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:American films about gambling]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:1955 animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>d1tqsvz78m8w7kitw3jcrws51vjhxe6</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hyde and Go Tweet</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>232097</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951659</id>
      <parentid>3924156</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:50:12Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951659</origin>
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      <text bytes="1480" sha1="9l9id9efwrxmdndwq13flrw7z2640ja" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hyde and Go Tweet|Hyde and Go Tweet]]''''' is a 1960 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' animated short directed by [[w:Friz Freleng|Friz Freleng]]. The voices were performed by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]]. The short was released on May 14, 1960, and stars [[w:Tweety|Tweety]] and [[w:Sylvester the Cat|Sylvester]]. The short is the third directed by Freleng based on [[Robert Louis Stevenson]]'s 1886 novella ''[[w:Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde|Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde]]''. The title is a play on the game [[w:Hide and seek|hide and go seek]]. This cartoon was featured in [[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]], But with new animation showing Sylvester in Daffy's office.

==Tweety==
* ''[In monster form, to Sylvester]'' Bwahahahahaha! You bad ol' puddy tat!

==Dialogue==
:''[last lines]''
:'''Cat #1''': ''[about Sylvester's cowardice]'' Most outrageous exhibition of wanton cowardice!
:'''Cat #2''': ''[clicking tongue]'' Shameful!
:'''Tweety''': Yeah! Shameful!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0053930}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Sylvester cartoons]]
[[Category:Tweety cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Friz Freleng]]
[[Category:1960 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comic science fiction short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated science fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>9l9id9efwrxmdndwq13flrw7z2640ja</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Euphoria (American TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>232329</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951820</id>
      <parentid>3920459</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T20:09:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34653-55</username>
        <id>3340303</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3951820</origin>
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      <text bytes="1528" sha1="r8mjq9qhz55e1np3fndr2lfr78rpu3w" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
:'''Season''' [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Specials|Specials]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 3|3]][[Euphoria (American TV series)|'''Main''']]
----
'''''[[w:Euphoria (American TV series)|Euphoria]]''''' (2019–present) is an American [[w:teen drama|teen drama]] television series on [[w:HBO|HBO]], created by [[w:Sam Levinson|Sam Levinson]] starring [[Zendaya]].
[[File:Euphoria promotional logo.svg|thumb|Every time I feel good, I think it'll last forever, but it doesn't.]]

== Season 1 ==
{{Main|Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 1}}

== Specials ==
{{Main|Euphoria (American TV series)/Specials}}

== Season 2 ==
{{Main|Euphoria (American TV series)/Season 2}}

== Cast ==
* [[Zendaya]] – Rue Bennett
* [[w:Maude Apatow|Maude Apatow]] – Lexi Howard
* [[w:Angus Cloud|Angus Cloud]] – Fezco
* [[w:Eric Dane|Eric Dane]] – Cal Jacobs
* [[w:Alexa Demie|Alexa Demie]] – Maddy Perez
* [[w:Jacob Elordi|Jacob Elordi]] – Nate Jacobs
* [[w:Barbie Ferreira|Barbie Ferreira]] – Kat Hernandez
* [[w:Nika King|Nika King]] – Leslie Bennett
* [[w:Storm Reid|Storm Reid]] – Gia Bennett
* [[w:Hunter Schafer|Hunter Schafer]] – Jules Vaughn
* [[w:Algee Smith|Algee Smith]] – Christopher McKay
* [[Sydney Sweeney]] – Cassie Howard

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia|Euphoria (American TV series)}}
* {{Official website|https://www.hbo.com/euphoria}}

[[Category:Euphoria (American TV series)]]</text>
      <sha1>r8mjq9qhz55e1np3fndr2lfr78rpu3w</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Forward March Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>233144</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951703</id>
      <parentid>3951111</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:15:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951703</origin>
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      <text bytes="1436" sha1="9k7egj65f0pzcow2ggshj9eisp5ducl" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Forward March Hare|Forward March Hare]]''''' is a 1953 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. The short was released on February 14, 1953, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. In the short, Bugs mistakenly gets his neighbor's draft notice and causes a stir when he shows up as ordered.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* What's this? A letter. &quot;B. Bunny.&quot; For me! Now where'd that come from? Oh, well. ''[Reads letter]'' &quot;Greetings... The President of the United States...&quot; Hmm, that's nice. &quot;Hereby notified... been selected... training therein... report local board...&quot; Holy cats, I've been drafted!

== Sergeant ==
* What have you got against me, anyways? Why don't you listen to orders? You've got ears just like the other guys. ''[Notices Bugs' long ears; does startled take]'' Well, anyways, you're furry all over and got a fuzzy tail just like all the... Doy! Jumping catfish! We've inducted a rabbit! Hey, General! Hey, somebody! Hey!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0045786}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:1953 animated films]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
      <sha1>9k7egj65f0pzcow2ggshj9eisp5ducl</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Pre-Hysterical Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>233367</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951663</id>
      <parentid>3922506</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:52:20Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <origin>3951663</origin>
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'''''[[w:Pre-Hysterical Hare|Pre-Hysterical Hare]]''''' is a 1958 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. The short was released on November 1, 1958, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]]. The two are in their usual hunter-and-bunny antics, but set in the [[w:Stone Age|Stone Age]].

== Bugs Bunny ==
* Someday, they'll outlaw this annual madness known as Rabbit Season. I just hope I'd still be in one piece so I could appreciate it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': ''[after falling down a hole]'' Hey! Where am I? Huh. I must have fallen into some old Indian cave! ''[sees what looks like a time capsule]'' Gee. They must have been giants. Look at the size of that powder horn. ''[the writings on the time capsule say, &quot;Time Capsule Circa 10000 BC. To be opened 1960 AD&quot;]'' Huh. Must be Indian writing, but, it’s Greek to me. Wonder if they kept their powder dry. ''[opens the cork and a film canister comes out]'' Hey! That looks like moving picture film. ''[chuckles]'' It must have been a real stinkeroo to bury it out here in the woods. This I gotta see! ''[giggles]''
:''[Bugs takes the film canister back to his burrow.]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': There! It’s all set up!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category: Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category: Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]</text>
      <sha1>0wxr2xsfwdsr14tib9avdmo3m3x2wc1</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mad as a Mars Hare</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>233708</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951655</id>
      <parentid>3951053</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T13:46:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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'''''[[w:Mad as a Mars Hare|Mad as a Mars Hare]]''''' is a 1963 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]] and [[w:Maurice Noble|Maurice Noble]]. The short was released on October 19, 1963, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[w:Marvin the Martian|Marvin the Martian]]. The cartoon's title is a play-on-words of the famous phrase to be &quot;[[w:mad as a March hare|mad as a March hare]]&quot;, the origins of which are disputed. In the short, Bugs is sent to claim Mars in the name of the Earth.

== Marvin the Martian ==
* I'm not angry! Just terribly, terribly hurt!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Why must you send a rabbit to do a man's job?
:'''Commander''': Because rabbits are expendable! That's why!

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0057272}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Marvin the Martian cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]
[[Category:1963 animated films]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure short films]]
[[Category:Animated science fiction short films]]
[[Category:Animated space adventure films]]
[[Category:Animated films about extraterrestrial life]]</text>
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    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Now Hare This</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>234062</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951912</id>
      <parentid>3922511</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T01:48:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3951912</origin>
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[[File:Now Hare This title card.png|thumb|Title card]]
'''''[[w:Now Hare This|Now Hare This]]''''' is a 1958 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Looney Tunes|Looney Tunes]]'' cartoon directed by [[w:Robert McKimson|Robert McKimson]] and written by [[w:Tedd Pierce|Tedd Pierce]]. The short was released on May 31, 1958, and stars [[Bugs Bunny]]. In the short, the Big Bad Wolf and his little nephew try to trap Bugs Bunny by making like fairy tale characters.

== Bugs Bunny ==
* ''[notices the scheme]'' Hmm. The Little Red Riding Hood routine. Red cries, I feel sorry for the kid, I change places to go to Grandma's house and the wolf will Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!
*If you can't eat 'em, join 'em.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': What do yous want?
:'''Nephew''': Will you tell me the story about Little Red Riding Hood?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': No, I won't tells you no story about no Little Red Riding Hood!

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0052012}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Robert McKimson]]
[[Category:1958 animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about wolves]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Zula Patrol</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>234413</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951874</id>
      <parentid>3949213</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:15:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951874</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="3219" sha1="9477z8dztfbjdll17fyuq0d253vfpkw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Zula Patrol|The Zula Patrol]]''''' is an American animated television series produced by Kambooteron Productions, Gotham Entertainment and The Hatchery and distributed by [[w:American Public Television|American Public Television]], and [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]] in the United States. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

__TOC__

== Season 1 ==

=== ''Blue Moon'' [1.07a] ===
:'''Wigg''': The moon's not made out of cheese. That's just a silly story.
:'''Wizzy''': Oh, yeah? Well what ''is'' it made of?
:'''Wigg''': Hey, everybody knows ''that.'' It's a man! Haven't you ever heard of the man in the moon?
:'''Wizzy''': Man in the moon?! Get real! ''That's'' the silly story. 
:'''Wigg''': We'll ask Multo. You'll see.

=== ''Chili Cook-Off'' [1.09a] ===
:'''Wizzy''': To cool it down faster, wouldn't it be quicker in the freezer?
:'''Multo''': GOODNESS, NO! If my galactic goo would've reached its freezing point, there's no telling what might happen! Zeeter, how about a game of chess while we wait for the goo to cool?
:'''Zeeter''': YOU'RE ON!

=== ''Weather Vain'' [1.21b] ===
:'''Bula''': Tell me. ''[Zeeter looks foolish]'' What did ''you'' think about my show, Zeeter? 
:'''Zeeter''': Me? It was fine, Bula. Really.
:'''Bula''': No, go on, tell me what you really think. I can handle it.
:'''Zeeter''': Bula, you were perfectly alright!
:'''Bula''': I'm not exciting, right? I have no personality on camera, right?!
:'''Zeeter''': Well...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mutlo''': OH MY GOD! This is impossible! It's every kind of weather known to science all at the same time! What's going on?!
:'''Iris Bloodshot''': What happened to fair and warm? I want my fair and warm back?! Where's Zeeter with the forecast! I better call the Zula Patrol!
:'''Bula''': Hello? What? Stop yelling at me! The weather? Multo, could you get that phone?
:'''Multo''': OK! Hello? WHAT? THE WEATHER IS GOING CRAZY?

''[Multiple phones keep ringing]''

:'''Bula''': The ringing's gonna keep us up all night unless someone stops it!
:'''Multo''': Noone was this content on weather except... ''[in anger]'' Zeeter. She was in charge of telling everyone about the weather?!
:'''Bula''': What a slacker. We better find her! ZEETER, you get in here!
:'''Multo''': Zeeter!
:'''Zeeter''': No, this is all my fault! I've got to FIX this thing! 
:'''Bula''': There you are. 
:'''Zeeter''': Ummm... this is NOT what it looks like. You see...
:'''Bula''': Zeeter, the phones are ringing off the hook! Everybody wants to know what's wrong with the weather! What the...

''[They notice Multo's fried machine]''

:'''Multo''': Uhh, Zeeter, what are you doing?!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Zula Patrol}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated space adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Syndicated shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about extraterrestrial life]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>242415</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951622</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:15:01Z</timestamp>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <text bytes="10667" sha1="0f1ks4lx76kmmryiecrkuezrsr96gmk" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog|Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog]]''''' in 93 Minutes release is a 2021 American animated direct-to-video film produced by Warner Bros. Animation. It was also distributed by Warner Bros. Home Entertainment, and the 36th entry in the direct-to-video series of the [[w:Scooby-Doo in film|''Scooby-Doo'' film series]]. The film is a crossover between ''[[Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!|Scooby-Doo]]'' and ''[[Courage the Cowardly Dog]]''. The film was released on DVD and digital on September 14, 2021.
:''Directed by Cecilia Aranovich Hamilton. Written by Mike Ryan.''

==Scooby-Doo==
* You are a dog! ''['''Courage''': Uh-huh.]'' Me too! ''['''Courage''': Oh!]''
* It is your turn, Courage.

==Courage the Cowardly Dog==
* ''[repeated line]'' Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
* ''[repeated line]'' Muriel!
* OK, OK!
* The things I do for love!

==Shaggy Rogers==
* Scooby-Doo! Where are you?!
* Like, why is the water dripping upwards?

==Eustace Bagge==
* ''[repeated line as he scares Courage]'' Ooga booga booga!
* ''[repeated line after scaring Scooby, Shaggy and Courage]'' It never gets old.
* ''[last lines; voiceover in the credits]'' Stupid dogs!

==Dialogue==
:''[In the Bagge farmhouse in Nowhere, Kansas, Courage tells Eustace that he's been hearing something as his eyes glow different colors while sound waves come out of his ears and his rear end bounces]''
:'''Eustace''': Uh-huh. OK, I see. But what do you think about ''this''?! Ooga booga booga! ''[Courage screams then zips off as Eustace laughs and turns on the TV]'' Finally! A little peace and quiet.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Scooby Gang enter the Bagge farmhouse after saving Scooby and Courage from the cicadas when Muriel invites them over for cookies]''
:'''Muriel''': Look, we're having guests, Eustace. Isn't that exciting?
:'''Eustace''': Dang it, Muriel, you're blocking my stories!
:'''Muriel''': Now entertain our guests, dear, while I go put the kettle on.
:''[Eustace and the Scooby Gang stare at each other awkwardly for a moment; The gang says &quot;Hello&quot; to him and Scooby-Doo chuckles cheekily]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[mumbling in annoyance]'' Stupid guests.
:'''Courage''': ''[sighs; heads into the kitchen]'' Come on! Come on!
:''[As the gang follow him, Velma looks back at Eustace for one last second]''
:'''Eustace''': ''[annoyed]'' Stupid meddling kids.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scooby and Courage find a big cicada on Shaggy's back and they all start freaking out, until Muriel was able to whack it off with a broom, making it fly out the back door, into the air, and far away before it hits with an explosion]''
:'''Velma''': I've never seen cicadas that big before. Maybe it's a new species.
:'''Daphne''': Do you think it has anything to do with that strange vibration that Scooby and Courage were hearing?
:'''Velma''': It could be. There's definitely something strange going on here. And Scooby and Courage might be picking up sounds that our human ears can't hear.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, my! Sounds so interesting. How would you know, dear?
:'''Velma''': Well, we humans hear in a range roughly from 31 hertz to 19 kilohertz. Whereas dogs hear in range from 44 hertz to 64 kilohertz. So if I adjust my tablet to pick up any higher levels of sound vibration, we might be able to see what they're actually hearing.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, goodness. The things you say. Better than my silly old riddles. Aren't you the smart one.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A pounding sound is heard at the front door]''
:'''Eustace''': What now?!
:'''Muriel''': Aren't you going to get the door, Eustace?
:'''Eustace''': Nope.
:'''Daphne''': Uh, I'll get it. ''[opens the door, looks left and right, then spots an invitation on the ground and picks it up]'' It's in invitation. '''&quot;You are all cordially invited to have dinner this evening at the Mayor's mansion. Pets welcome.&quot;'''
:'''Scooby''': Pets? Who are they talking about?
:''[Courage quizzically babbles]''
:'''Muriel''': The mayor of Nowhere? We have a mayor? Ooh, how lovely.
:'''Eustace''': Mayor, shmayor. I didn't vote for him. But free food is free food.
:'''Shaggy''': I can't believe I'm agreeing with the angry old dude, but I am. Free food sounds good to me, man.
:'''Scooby-Doo''': Me, too. Let's go.
:'''Courage''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Velma''': Well, maybe the mayor can give us some clues as to why so many weird things are happening here in Nowhere.
:'''Eustace''': ''[walks out of the front door and exclaims in disgust when he sees the Mystery Machine] I'm'' driving. I'm not riding with you kooky teens. You make me sick!
:'''Muriel''': That's a splendid idea. Eustace, why don't you take the two dogs in your truck? They'll love it. ''[Eustace grumbles grumpily]'' I'll ride with these fun house painters.
:'''Velma''': ''[chuckles]'' Mystery solvers.
:'''Muriel''': Oh, right. ''[puts on her seatbelt]'' That reminds me, I've got another riddle for you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': Hey, you three. Guess what?
:'''Scooby''', '''Shaggy''' and '''Courage''': What?
:'''Eustace''': Ooga booga booga!
:''[As Scooby and Courage scream, they jump into Shaggy's arms as Eustace laughs]''
:'''Fred''': Stop messing around, guys.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Eustace''': ''[as Scooby makes a tall sandwich]'' That's just gross. But I'll tell you what is ''not'' gross. ''This''! Ooga booga booga! ''[Scooby, Shaggy and Courage scream as he laughs]'' It never gets old.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Computer''': Hello, Velma Dinkley's tablet-device.
:'''Velma's Tablet''': Hello, Courage's computer. How may I help?
:'''Computer''': I need to see all of Velma's data.
:'''Velma's Tablet''': Of course.
:'''Computer''': Well, Velma has done some lovely research. Thanks to you, of course, tablet-device.
:'''Velma's Tablet''': Too kind, old-school computer.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Daphne''': Now, let's see who this Cicada Monster ''really'' is. ''[unmasks the Cicada Queen, revealing...]''
:'''Everyone''': The Mayor?!
:'''Muriel''': But, why would you do all these horrible things? Naughty boy. 
:'''Velma''': I fear we're lookin' at someone more sinister and untrustworthy than a politician, if there '''''is''''' such a thing. Hey, Muriel, I've got one for you. When is a mayor not a mayor? 
:'''Muriel''': Oh, I-I don't think I know that one. 
:'''Velma''': Then let me show you. ''[opens the mayor's chest, revealing it to be a robot disguise controlled by Courage's two enemies: Katz and Le Quack]'' 
:'''Daphne''': (''gasps'') And they are…? 
:'''Shaggy''': Yeah. Like who '''''are''''' these strange dudes? 
:'''Velma''': It's Katz and Le Quack! ''[everyone is confused]'' Remember? From the museum display? 
:'''Everyone''': ''[realizing]'' Oh. ''[agreeing as Courage hides behind Muriel]''
:'''Velma''': They were operating the mayor costume and they were the ''real'' villains behind all of this. 
:'''Katz''': I'm Katz, mastermind and evil genius. 
:'''Le Quack''': And I am Le Quack, world renowned thief of the most highest skill.
:'''Velma''': I had my suspicions, but to be honest, a lot of the clues don't make sense.
:'''Katz''': If you would allow me to explain how it all happened, it would be my greatest of pleasures. When I, Katz, discovered--
:'''Le Quack''': No, no, no. When I, Le Quack, discovered--
:'''Katz''': ''[sighs]'' When ''we'' discovered that there was a dark matter meteor of intense power, buried somewhere here under Nowhere, we joined forces and worked to get ourselves elected as the mayor.
:'''Le Quack''': This gave us the access to all the records of the town.
:'''Katz''': Allowing ''us'' to locate the right spot to dig. The power of the dark matter meteor has been affecting everything in Nowhere for millions of years.
:'''Le Quack''': Oh, ''oui, oui.'' And it is the exact center of a map of documented weirdness that only seems to affect Nowhere. It is all because of the meteor. ''[points to Courage holding the meteor]''
:'''Courage''': Huh? ''[turns away]''
:'''Katz''': We knew the dark matter meteor held unlimited power and once we found it, we harnessed that power to get rich.
:'''Le Quack''': ''Oui, oui. [laughs]'' We made all those silly rich peoples bring their wealth to the farmhouse, which we planned on the collecting of later.
:'''Katz''': But when the gang of mystery-solving teens arrived, we needed to up our game. We found the meteor had different effects by adjusting the modulations. When it spins, it emits a frequency that makes people very open to suggestion. It also affects animals in different ways. ''[looks at Scooby and Courage]'' It enabled us to control the giant cicadas to keep you all… out of our business.
:'''Le Quack''': Sadly, it did not work so well as we hoped.
:'''Katz''': Yes, indeed. We were so close.
:'''Le Quack''': We would have been rich. Rich!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Le Quack''': And we would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you annoying, meddling teenagers.
:'''Lieutenant''': We'll make sure that all the stolen goods are returned to their rightful owners.
:'''General''': And we'll take that meteor if you don't mind.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Courage''': Well, goodnight folks. Bye!

==Cast==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby Doo and Fred Jones
* [[Grey DeLisle|Grey Griffin]] — Daphne Blake and Frau Glockenspiel
* [[w:Matthew Lillard|Matthew Lillard]] — Shaggy Rogers
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] — Velma Dinkley and her Tablet
* [[w:Marty Grabstein|Marty Grabstein]] — Courage and Clown/Mr. McGill
* [[w:Thea White|Thea White]] — Muriel Bagge and Rich Old Lady (finalized film role)
* [[w:Jeff Bergman|Jeff Bergman]] — Eustace Bagge, Courage's Computer and Mayor of Nowhere
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeff Bennett]] — The General and Self-Help Book
* Chuck Montgomery — The Lieutenant and Mr. Glockenspiel
* [[w:Paul Schoeffler|Paul Schoeffler]] — Katz, Le Quack and Nowhere Newsman
* Joe Zieja — Cicada Bugs

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{authority control}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2021 animated films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American animated mystery films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:Crossover animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated films about cats]]
[[Category:Animated films about ducks]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Baby Looney Tunes</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>242458</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951869</id>
      <parentid>3949202</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:04:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
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'''''[[w:Baby Looney Tunes|Baby Looney Tunes]]''''' is an American 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn animation (digital ink-and-paint, and color) [[w:television show#Seasons/series/strand|television series]] that depicts [[w:Baby|baby]] versions of the Looney Tunes who are not related to them. The show was aimed at older children, and tweens, and from ages 5 to 12.

==''Season 1''==
===''Taz in Toyland / A Secret Tweet''===
:'''Granny''': What in heaven's, Taz what are you crying about?
:(Taz hold up the wheel from his toy car, Granny looks over and was surprised to see what was left of Taz's toy car)
:'''Granny''': You didn't break another of your toys did you?
:(Taz nods his head indicating that he did)
:'''Granny''': Tasmanian Devil, how many times have I told you to take better care of your things, look at all the toys you've broken.
:(Granny points to a pile of toys of which Taz has broken, Taz whimpers and cries once again feeling regret for his actions)
:'''Granny''': Now, now, [[w:there's no use crying over spilt milk | there's no use crying over broken toys]], or something like that.
:'''Daffy''': Hmmph.
:(Taz sniffles then Granny holds a tissue to his nose, Taz takes a breath breath and gives a big blow, giving off a giant gust of wind causing Daffy's crown and cape to go flying)
:'''Daffy''': Wow ([[w:Fourth wall|talking to the audience]]) for a little guy, he sure holds a lot of air.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Hey Tazzie, You wanna play Smash-Up Derby with us?
:'''Taz''': Uh-uh.
:'''Bugs''': Oh come on, I think your little clown guy will fit right into my truck here.
:'''Taz''': (gasp) No!, Taz no play!
:'''Daffy''': Come on Taz, play with us.
:'''Taz''': No!
:'''Bugs''': What good if having a toy you can't play with?
:(Taz runs to the end of a shelf where he is cornered by Bugs and Daffy)
:'''Daffy''': C'mon Tazzie, you know you wanna play with that toy.
:'''Bugs''': Yeah, Put him in the truck then we'll crash 'em together.
:(Taz started to think, then he saw the top of the shelf and that's when he had and idea, he started spinning and began to climb the shelf)
:'''Bugs''': Hey, what are you doing?
:'''Daffy''': Get down from there!
: (Taz soon made it to the top, but then suddenly [[w:King Kong | airplanes started to fly pass him]], causing Taz to growl with annoyance, It's then revealed that they were coming from a mobile on the roof of the playroom, two more fly pass Taz but as the third one passes, Taz knocks it while growling, the sudden knock causes the strings off the planes to get tangled and eventually stopped, Taz becomes stratified and puts his toy clown down, waves at it then looks down at Bugs and Daffy, who would've witness his previous endeavour, Taz then proceeds to climb down)
:'''Taz''': Blaaah! (Blows a raspberry at them)
:(Bugs and Daffy looked at each other confused)
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Granny''': Oh look at them all playing together, aren't they precious, (looks on at the babies playing) Oh Bugs, Lola, Daffy, Sylvester and Taz, could you come over here?, I've got something I want to tell you.
:'''Bugs''': Okay Granny!
:'''Sylvester''': Coming Granny!
:'''Daffy''': But I just built my super-wondrous sand tasta castle.
:'''Taz''': Taz like castle.
:'''Daffy''': No touchy.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tweety''': Say everybody, what's all the whispering about? Uh, heh-heh, what's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
:'''Sylvester''': I don't have a thing.
:'''Tweety''': If you guys have a secwet, you can tell me, I'm one of the best secwet keepwers awound.
:(All the babies all talk telling Tweety that they don't have a secret and they don't know what he's talking about)
:'''Bugs''': We were just...uh...playing a game.
:'''Lola''': Uh yeah, it's called..um..&quot;who can whisper the softest&quot;.
:'''Daffy''': Yeah and anyway! The secret isn't about you!
:(The babies gasp and shush Daffy and Taz covers his mouth)
:'''Bugs''': Heh-heh, you know Daffy, always kidding, heh-heh, well uh, we gotta go.
:(All the babies wave bye to Tweety and say goodbye and they leave, with Bugs and Lola dragging Daffy along, Tweety is left standing confused)
:'''Daffy''': Huh, what? I said the secret was NOT about him.
:'''Tweety''': Something stinks around here and it's not dirty diapers.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tweety''': Hewwo! Is anybody in there? Hewwo! (Tweety enters the dark room, climbs up a banister up to a handrail) Alwight, I'm tired of all these secwets!
:(Tweety goes over to a light switch and as soon as he turns on the lights)
:'''Everyone''': Surprise! Surprise! Happy birthday Tweety!
:'''Bugs''': Happy birthday Tweety.
:'''Tweety''': Supwise? Happy birthday? To me? Oh, you mean you all still wike me?
:'''Bugs''': Of course we like ya doc.
:'''Lola''': Yeah silly bird, why wouldn't we like you?
:'''Tweety''': This is what all the secwets were about?
:'''Granny''': Everyone pitched in to give you this surprise party, well, are you surprised?
:'''Tweety''': I sure am Gwanny, this is the best birthday ever.
:(Tweety blows a party whistle which causes Sylvester to jump to the celling in fright)
:'''Everyone''': Happy birthday Tweety!

===''Comfort Level / Like A Duck to Water''===

:(In the garden room of the house, Bugs and Lola are walking through looking for Sylvester's blankie)
:'''Lola''': Maybe we should hunt for it here, since we did walk through here on our way back from the playground.
:'''Bugs''': Let's think of this logically, if I were a blanket, where would I hide?
:(Bugs pulls some leaves back and sees a grasshopper washing itself)
:'''Grasshopper''': Huh?
:(The grasshopper sees Bugs looking at it, but then angrily pulls the leaves back)
:'''Bugs''': Eh, no blanket under there, Lola? ''[as Bugs searched for Lola, African drums are heard]'' Lola, where’s you go? ''[to the camera]'' Alright! Alright! Enough with the drums! ''[Bugs hears rustling, looks up and sees Lola searching up in the trees]'' Eh. What’s up, Lola?
:'''Lola''': No sign of it up here! ''[yells like Tarzan as she grabs a vine and swings. Bugs ducks low and she lands in the bushes]''.
:'''Bugs''': Are you alright?
:(Lola gets up from the bushes and rubs the leaves off her face).
:'''Lola''': Wow, looking for Sylvester's blanket is a lot of fun [chuckles].
:'''Bugs''': Eh, yeah, but we still haven't found it, I wonder how the others are doing?

===''School Daze / Things That Go Bugs In The Night''===
:(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes' house, with Bugs and Lola looking out the window at something amazing)
:'''Bugs''': Wow!
:'''Lola''': Isn't it dreamy?
:'''Bugs''': It's so yellow
:'''Lola''': And big
:(Turns out it was a school bus Bugs and Lola were looking at and some kids were boarding it)
:'''Bugs''': Some kids have all the luck
:(Then Bugs and Lola have and idea)
:'''Bugs &amp; Lola''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
:(The two bunnies chuckle)
:'''Bugs''': Let's go ask Granny if we can go to school
:(The two race off to find Granny in the kitchen finishing a Gingerbread house)
:'''Bugs &amp; Lola''': Granny, Granny, Granny!
:'''Granny''': Land sakes kids, What's all the excitement about?
:'''Bugs''': We wanna go to school
:'''Granny''': Oh, but you're too young
:'''Bugs''': Too young?, we're already potty trained
:'''Lola''': Bugs? (Lola looks at Bugs knowingly)
:'''Bugs''': Ehh, well uh, almost (Bugs says embarrassed)
:'''Lola''': I have an idea, if we're too young to go to real school, maybe we can play pretend school!
:(Granny thinks about it, while Bugs and Lola tug on her dress)
:'''Bugs &amp; Lola''': Please Granny, Pleeeeease!
:(Granny chuckles and pulls her dress away)
:'''Granny''': I guess it'll be okay [Granny pulls her Gingerbread House from the counter] As soon as I finish icing my Gingerbread House, School is officially in session
:(Bugs and Lola cheer and start spinning around Granny, causing her loose her balance and fall to the floor and her Gingerbread house falls on her head, Granny removes some of the house from her eyes while Bugs and Lola come up to her and Lola takes a little taste of what's left of the Gingerbread house)
:'''Lola''': Isn't Granny sweet?
:(All three laugh at the joke)

&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(Meanwhile in the playroom, Sylvester and Tweety are playing with a ball, while Taz and Daffy are fighting over Harry Gary)
:'''Taz''': Taz want Harry Gary!
:'''Daffy''': It's mine I tell ya, Mine, Mine, all Mine [Daffy acts like he's saw something] Hey look, It's the tooth fairy
:(Taz looks and Daffy snatches Harry Gary of him, Taz groans sadly and begins to cry until, Bugs and Lola come sliding in)
:'''Bugs''': Uh hey you guys, guess what
:'''Lola''': Granny said we can all play school
:(Tweety and Sylvester all gasp excitedly)
:'''Daffy''': Ah, who cares?
:(Unintentionally dropping Harry Gray, Taz picks him up and give him a big kiss)
:'''Daffy''': What's so great about school anyway?
:'''Bugs''': Lot's of stuff, you get to learn new things, like how to drink from a water fountain [Bugs stands on his tip-toes and pretends to slurp from a water fountain, once he's done, he gives a big sigh and wipes his mouth]
:'''Lola''': And make new friends and learn all their names
:(Lola slightly pokes Sylvester and he gives a little giggle, Sylvester then runs to Daffy and pokes him as well, then he jumps underneath a pink pillow with only his tail showing, he then comes out with the pillow on top of his head)
:'''Sylvester''': There's all kinds of games to play
:'''Taz''' Lunch time!
:(Taz takes a sip from a bottle and gives a big burp, while the wind from his burp unintentionally ruffles Daffy's feathers, Daffy looks at himself)
:'''Daffy''': Yeesh (while un-ruffling his feathers) Lunch, Shmuch, I've got better things to do
:(Daffy pulls up his diaper and starts too walk away)
:'''Bugs''': Okay Daffy, But you're gonna miss out on the chance to get lots of attention
:(Daffy freezes and looks back)
:'''Daffy''': Alright rabbit, ya got me, I'll give ya 20 seconds, what are you talking about?
:''''Bold text'''''Bugs''': I'm talkin' about show and tell Daffy
:'''Lola''': It's that time in school when you get to talk in front of the whole class
:'''Sylvester''': And everyone has to listen to you
:'''Daffy''': Everyone?
:(Daffy begins to day dream that he's on a stage talking in front of a crowd while wearing a purple graduation robe and cap)
:'''Daffy''': It all started when I was just an egg, Not just any egg mind you but a little brown speckled one and that, my friends is what makes me so great
:(The crowed cheers while flowers and graduation caps are being thrown at Daffy and Daffy gives a bow, the dream cloud puffs as Daffy wakes up and shakes his head, indicating he changed his mind about school)
:'''Daffy''': I love school, now where do I sign up?
:(mood quickly changes and everyone heard Tweety crying on the couch, everyone comes up to see what's wrong)
:'''Bugs''': What's the matter Tweety?
:'''Tweety''': I can't go to school with you guys
:'''Sylvester''': Why not?
:'''Tweety''': I'm not weady
:'''Lola''': What do you mean?
:'''Tweety''': well, for wone thing, I can't wead or wite, I can't even spell my own wittle name
:(Tweety starts crying again and Taz starts cry as well, Daffy [annoyed] shakes his head and covers his ears)
:'''Bugs''': It's alright, You don't have to know everything to go to school
:'''Tweety''': Weally?
:(Taz sniffles)
:'''Taz''': Really?
:'''Lola''': Yeah, That's why we go to school, so we can learn all those things
:'''Bugs''': All we need is a little practice
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Now listen, I'm in charge and what I say goes and I say...!
:(Before Bugs could finish there was a strange noise which causes Bugs to gasp and all the other babies to come out of their hiding spots)
:'''Daffy''': Um...What was that?
:(The noise comes again)
:'''Lola''': I don't know, But I've never heard anything like it before
:'''Sylvester''': And I never want to hear anything like it again!
:(The noise comes again and scares the babies, the noise seems to be coming out side with the sun setting)
:'''Bugs''': Ehh...It's nuttuin', Probably just a... Cute little forest creature.
:(The noise sounds again)
:'''Sylvester''': It doesn't sound so little to me.
:'''Daffy''': And definootily not cute.
:(The noise comes again)
:'''Tweety''': D-D-Don't you think you should do something Bugs?
:'''Lola''': Yeah, you're in charge
:'''Bugs''': Me? Uh...yeah hee hee uh, no sweat, uh all's I gotta do it...
:(The noise comes again but sounds even louder now)
:'''Bugs''': Uh, close the window!
:(Bugs does exactly that and rushes over to the window and closes it and let's the window shade down as well)
:'''Bugs''': What ya can't hear, can't hurt ya.
:(But the noise comes through again and the window shade clatters up, this makes the babies all frighted again)
:'''Bugs''': What's the matter with you fella? Let's have some fun!
:(Bugs puts the CD player on and it plays a upbeat version of the Baby Looney Tunes Theme song, Bugs dances along and the other babies soon join in, but as they were dancing, Bugs accidentally knocks the CD player off the table and it falls to the floor and the music switches off leaving the babies all sad again, They all didn't notice the sun setting behind them and causes their shadows to become bigger and as the shadows reach the wall, the noise comes back again)
:'''Lola''': What is it?
:'''Daffy''': Sounds like some sort of Boogie-Woogie Monster.
:'''Sylvester''': A Five-headed Boogie-Woogie Monster!
:(As the noise continues the shadows change into all sorts of scary shapes, first the shadow changes into a creature with sharp teeth and four arms)
:'''Tweety''': Ooh, What huge haiwy teeth it has!
:(It soon changes again, into a round shape with and scary stair, big teeth and horns on it's head)
:'''Lola''': It's bigger than the giant from [[w:Jack and the Beanstalk | Jack and the Beanstalk!]]
:(It changes again into a ghostly shape)
:'''Daffy''': With a seriously bad attitude!
:(The shadow soon turns into a monster and appears on the roof, Sylvester crouches down and covers his eyes in fear)
:'''Sylvester''': T-T-Tell me when it's gone
:(The sun soon sets behind the trees and the shadow vanishes)
:'''Bugs''': It's gone!
:(Sylvester cautiously uncovers one eye and looks up and sees that everything is Okay, he stands up)
:'''Bugs''': See, Nuttin' to be afraid of.
:'''Tweety''': Oh Gwacious! Taz is gone!
:'''Lola''': But he was just here, wasn't he?
:'''Bugs''': Taz?, Taz?, Taaaz!
:'''Daffy''': Tazzie, Olly Olly, oxen free!
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(The babies search everywhere for Taz, Lola searches under a bed, Bugs looks in a laundry basket but finds nothing but a sock, Sylvester looks behind pictures and Tweety looks under a rug, the scene cuts to the kitchen where Daffy is looking for Taz in the pots and pans, The babies all regroup all given up searching for Taz when the strange noise comes again, The babies all look at the door and realise that Taz must have gone outside, The babies all open the door and one by one they all peak their heads outside, First Bugs, Then Tweety and Lola, then Sylvester and finally Daffy, they all find Taz's foot prints on the path and they seem to be heading to the forest)
:'''Tweety''': Oh no, Taz?
:'''Sylvester''': Do you think whatever's out there...(Gulps)...Is gonna get him?
:'''Bugs''': Not if I can find him first!
:'''Lola''': Go out there?, alone?, No way!
:'''Daffy''': Granny put you in charge.
:'''Bugs''': Ehh...Right, I-I'm suppose to take care of everybody.
:(And with that, Bugs walks out the door and goes in search of Taz)
:'''Daffy''': That is the bravest thing I ever saw, Say... if he doesn't come back, can I be the boss?
:(Lola looks angrily at Daffy)
:'''Daffy''': Heh.
:(Little did the babies know, Granny was looking out the window as she saw everything, knowing that Bugs has gone looking for Taz, and so she continues painting what appears to be a red bird house)
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(Meanwhile, out in the woods, Bugs was still looking for Taz, but he was feeling a little scared, knowing that he's out alone in the woods at night, as an owl hoots in the distance, Bugs becomes even more afraid)
:'''Bugs''': Taz?, That you old b-b-buddy?, heh heh, uh, come out of there Taz.
:(A wolf howls in the distance)
:'''Bugs''': T-T-Taaaazzie!
:(At that moment, Bugs stops as he sees a trail of leaves on the path, still feeling scared, he tries to keep going, but it feels like something is following him with the leaves rustling until, there came the noise again and it was louder that before)
:'''Bugs''': YIKE!
:(This scared Bugs so much that he ran away screaming in fear, he soon reached a tree and thinking that the creature was following him, he went round and round in circles until he tripped on a rock which cause him to tumble down and eventually stopped, he then heard the leaves rustling again and was surprised Lola, Sylvester, Tweety and Daffy running around tree as well)
:'''Bugs''': Hey, Hey, Hold it! What are you doin' out here?
:'''Lola''': We decided we couldn't let you go alone.
:'''Sylvester''': We couldn't let you face that beast by yourself.
:'''Tweety''': We saw you chasing it.
:'''Daffy''': And your bravery made us brave.
:'''Bugs''': Ehh... hee, I wasn't chasin', I was uh runnin', I was runnin' scared.
:(The noise comes again causing the babies to gasp with fright and Daffy to jump in Bug's arms)
:'''Daffy''': So, let's run scared together!
:'''Lola''': It sounds awful close
:'''Bugs''':(The noise sounds) sounds like it's right over there! (unintentionally drops Daffy)
:(Bugs makes his way to the bushes, moves the branches and gives a delightful smile)
:'''Lola''': What is it Bugs?
:'''Daffy''': What do ya see?
:'''Bugs''': This is unbelievable, come here!
:(The rest of the babies walk over to the bushes and were surprised to discover that the creature was non other than Taz and the noise seemed to come from his horn)
:'''Tweety''': Taz?
:'''Sylvester''': It was Taz all along.
:(The babies race over to Taz who was still playing his horn, but when Bugs came over, Taz stops playing and hides his horn behind his back)
:'''Bugs''': Ehh... What's the matter?
:'''Taz''': Oh... Taz horn make Bugs mad, Taz don't want make Bugs mad... Oh ho
:(Bugs realised that Taz was talking about when Taz and blowing his horn too loudly in front of Taz and Bugs snatched it off him)
:'''Bugs''': I'm awful sorry about that Taz (Bugs walks up to Taz) You play anywhere you wanna, anytime you wanna, anyway you wanna.
:'''Taz''': Huh, Bugs mean it?
:'''Bugs''': Sure I do
:(Taz then resumes playing his horn and this time, Bugs doesn't mind)

===''Creature From The Chocolate Chip / Card Bored Box''===
:'''Sylvester''': Bugs, Lola, Olly Olly Oxen free!
:(The babies soon come out of their hiding spots and run over to Sylvester)
:'''Tweety''': Were we hiding to well?
:'''Sylvester''': You gotta help me, Something terrible's happened in the kitchen
:'''Bugs''': What?
:'''Sylvester''': There's this big jar see, and one minute it's full of cookies and then, it isn't.
:'''Lola''': What happened to them?
:'''Sylvester''': I ate 'em, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! (Sylvester breaks down crying on Bug's knees)
:'''Bugs''': Eh, there's only one thing to do and that's tell Granny the truth, come on.
:(Before they could leave, Daffy blocks their way)
:'''Daffy''': Ya can't do that!
:'''Bugs''': Eh, Why not?
:'''Daffy''': Granny worked her fingers to the bone baking those cookies, slaving all day at a hot stove, You know how much she loves you, If she found out you ate them, it'll break her heart.
:'''Sylvester''': Oh no, what'll I do?
:'''Daffy''': Blame somebody else.
:'''Bugs''': What?!, like who?
:'''Daffy''': Oh, one of the usual suspects, (Daffy walks pass Bugs and makes his way to Tweety), Nah, too innocent, (walks over to Lola) Too good, (walks over to Taz who has his tongue sticking out) Too obvious, (finally making his way to a mirror) Aha! him!(But soon realises it's his own reflection), oop, my mistake, too trustworthy.
:(At that moment, Granny walks in with the empty jar)
:'''Granny''': Oh my, does anyone know who ate all the cookies?
:(Sylvester[still to ashamed to admit it] hides his head in a pink bucket)
:'''Bugs''': Eh, as a master of fact--
:'''Daffy''': (interrupting) We do, it was ahhh, a beast yeah and oh, what a beast it was!
:'''Granny''': My Stars, What was it like?
:'''Daffy''': It was humongulous, A chocolate chip chomper, it smelled those chocolatey chips and chomped them.
:'''Granny''': Oh, that sounds just terrible, did you see it Tweety?
:'''Tweety''': Uh?
:'''Daffy''': Poor guy, he's scared speechless
:'''Granny''': Was it simply dreadful Lola dear?
:'''Daffy''': Tell her about it's teeth
:'''Lola''': Teeth?...Um...Teeth!
:'''Daffy''': Bigger than [[w:Big Bad Wolf | the Big Bad Wolf's.]]
:'''Granny''': You mean, every time I bake cookies that beast will eat them?
:'''Daffy''': Oh you betcha Granny.
:'''Granny''': Then I'll bake a batch right away so I can see this beast myself
:(Granny walks out of the playroom and Sylvester takes the bucket off)
:'''Bugs''': Nice move Daff, We shoulda told the truth when we had the chance.
:'''Sylvester''': What are we gonna do now?
:'''Daffy''': Granny wants to see a monster, Granny's gonna see a monster.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(After eating a lot of cookies, the babies now felt very sick)
:'''Taz''': Taz not feel good.
:'''Lola''': (sighs) I never want to see another cookie
:(Daffy turns back knowing that they'll have to do it again, but this time Bugs has an idea)
:'''Bugs''': Hold it, the only way to keep this beast from beating us is for us to beat it.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tweety''': Oh Gwanny, come see, huwwy!
:(Tweety runs and joins the others)
:'''Bugs''': Everybody ready?
:(Granny comes in holding a jar full of recently bakes cookies, she looks around and suddenly sees the &quot;beast&quot; that's been eating all her cookies growling and roaring at her)
:'''Granny''': Gracious sakes, there it is!
:'''Bugs''': Eh, Never fear Granny, I'll take care of it.
:(The &quot;beast&quot; still roaring makes it's way to Bugs and Granny, but Bugs is ready to fight it)
:'''Bugs''': Take that and this and that too!, back you beast back!
:'''Granny''': My goodness Bugs, how brave.
:'''Bugs''': Back, back! (then, unintentionally destroyed it's face) Eh, would you look at that, hee hee, I'm uh, tearing him to pieces.
:(The face comes off to reveal Daffy as he [[w:Fourth wall | looks at the audience]])
:'''Daffy''': Uh-Oh
:(And with that, the monster falls apart reviling the other babies)
:'''Bugs''': Um, Granny, There's something we gotta tell ya
:'''Daffy''': (trying to make an excuse) It ate us, yeah! that's right, we were trapped in it's tummy, but we uh-- we uh-- Oh
:'''Bugs''': Granny, there never was a Chocolate Chip Chomper.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Daffy...eh, Daffy?
:'''Daffy''': I didn't do it!, The diaper was dirty was dirty when I got there!
:'''Lola''': Calm down Daffy, you were just dreaming.
:'''Daffy''': Oh, oh yeah, I was dreaming that the rain stopped and the sun came out and we all went outside to play.
:'''Tweety''': We could pway a game inside.
:'''Bugs''': But we've already played with every toy in the nursery.
:'''Lola''': Twice.
:'''Tweety''': How many times is that?
:'''Daffy, Bugs and Lola''': Too many!
:'''Bugs''': If only something fun would happen, then we wouldn't be so bored.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Well now that we have it, what do we do with it?
:'''Tweety''': Well, Gwanny told us to use our imagination, so I'm going to imagine that it's the most beautiful house in the world.
:'''Lola''': (laughs) That's the silliest idea I've ever heard, it's not a house, it's a pirate ship.
:'''Daffy''': Lola's right.
:'''Bugs''': About the pirate ship?
:'''Daffy''': No, about Tweety's idea being silly, anyone can see that it's the world's fastest racing car.
:'''Bugs''': Now why would they see that?, it's really a rocket ship to Mars, you can tell by looking at it.
:(The babies soon argue about what the box could be until--)
:'''Bugs''': '''WAIT!''' There's only one way to find out what this thing really is.
:'''Daffy''': I'm glad you see things my way.
:'''Bugs''': No Daffy, I mean let's play house, then pirates, then racing car and then Rocket ship.
:'''Lola''': I get it and which ever is the most fun, wins.
:'''Bugs''': Right.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Bugs to Earth, Bugs to Earth, come in Earth, I'm ready to land on Mars, Hmm, I wonder if there's any life here on Mars, I said, I wonder if there is any life here on Mars!, C'mon you guys, you're not even trying to have fan!
:'''Lola''': Some fun, I had a much better time playing the pirate ship.
:'''Daffy''': Well I still say the racing car was the best.
:'''Tweety''': And I wiked pwaying house.
:(The babies soon start to argue again)
:'''Lola''': Give it to me!
:'''Daffy''': It's mine!
:'''Tweety''': I saw it first!
:'''Bugs''': Well I saw it third!
:(The babies stop briefly while Bugs gives an embarrassed smile, then the tugging resumes until the babies slip and the box goes flying and then crashes)
:'''Tweety''': Hey look!
:(It is revealed that the box has merged into a house, a pirate ship, a racing car and rocket ship all in one)
:'''The Babies''': Ooooh!, Ahhhhh!
:'''Lola''': What is it?
:'''Tweety''': I'm not sure, but I think it a wacing piwate house wocket.
:'''Daffy''': But there's no such thing.
:'''Tweety''': There is if you use your imagination.

===''Time And Time Again / May The Best Taz Win''===
:(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at night, in the bedroom, Bug's, Lola's and Daffy's beds are empty, this was because the babies are all playing, Bugs was playing with his toy rocket, Daffy was playing with a toy piano and Lola was playing with her doll Edna)
:'''Bugs''' Bugs Bunny to pilot, Bugs Bunny to pilot, do you read me?
:(Daffy playing his piano as the keys tinkle slow then fast)
:'''Lola''': Mmm, I love you too Baby Pumpkin Pants.
:(Lola hugs her doll and it start to cry, surprising Lola at that moment Granny walks in)
:'''Granny''': Land-sakes what are you kids doing up so late? Do you have any idea what time it is?
:'''Bugs, Daffy and Lola''': No.
:'''Granny''', Well, it's three o'clock in the morning, which is way past your bedtime, (Granny walks over to the curtains and closes them) First thing tomorrow, I'm going to teach you kids how to tell time.
:'''Lola''': What's so important about telling time?
:'''Granny''': Well, telling time comes in handy lots of ways, think of all the fun things you'd miss if you didn't known when to be there.
:'''Daffy''': Well if it's okay with you Granny, I'm gonna skip it, telling time is for people who...who has nothing but time on their hands.
:'''Bugs and Lola''': We don't have time on our hands.
:'''Granny''': That's just an old saying kids, you can skip the lesson if you want Daffy, But don't forget there's another old saying about time (Granny puts Daffy to bed and makes her way to the door) it waits for no one, nighty-night kids, pleasant dreams.
:(Granny turns off the lights and leaves, while Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|addresses the audience (I think)]])
:'''Daffy''': (sighs) Ha, who does she think she's kidding? &quot;Time waits for no one&quot;, that's the silliest thing I've ever (yawn) heard, ooh (And Daffy falls asleep)
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(In the backyard, Daffy is playing golf and Bugs and Lola come up right behind him)
:'''Lola''': You missed a really fun lesson Daffy.
:'''Bugs''': Eh, yeah, Granny taught us all sorts of stuff about how to tell time.
:'''Daffy''': Well it just so happens that I learned something about time too.
:'''Bugs''': Ya did, what?
:'''Daffy''': You're wasting mine, playtime is the best time of all and can't you see that I am right in the middle of it?
:'''Lola''': C'mon Bugs, It's obvious that Daffy doesn't have time to talk to us.
:(Daffy prepares to shoot his golf ball until-)
:'''Bugs''': Oh uh, one last thing Daffy, Granny's taking us on a picnic.
:'''Lola''': At 12 o'clock, That's when the big hand and the little hand are both pointing straight up.
:(Bugs tickles Lola underneath her arm pits, because Lola had lifted both her arms up)
:'''Bugs''': You're supposed to meet us by the front door in one hour.
:'''Daffy''': Alright, alright, already, I'll be there.
:'''Lola''': But how are you gonna know when an hour's up? you didn't come to Granny's lesson.
:'''Daffy''': That's easy, every hour, Granny's big [[w:Grandfather clock|Grandfather clock]] makes a big loud noise (meanwhile, said grandfather clock Daffy was talking about struck 11 o'clock) Now step aside please, can't you see I'm working on my swing?
:(Knowing they couldn't win the argument, Bugs and Lola leave, as soon as they left, Daffy shoots the golf ball through the sky, hitting a branch of a tree, bouncing off a rock, flying over the roof of the house, rolling across the roof of the bandstand, going through a window and end's up in between the two hours of the grandfather clock, stopping the time)
:'''Daffy''': Another one out of sight, I loose more golf balls that way, oh well.
:(And with that, Daffy puts his golf club back into his golf bag and rides away on his tricycle)
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daffy''': Alright Duck, get a hold of yourself, telling time isn't everything, I mean there's other thing just as important that I'm really good at, yeah, like riding my tricycle or washing my own clothes (notices the bubble coming out the bottom of the door) Hmm? that's odd (bubble pops in Daffy's eye, but he wipes it away, but just before he could open the door, A massive flood of bubbles bursts out, the water comes out of every window of the house and the chimney and it comes out the door as well with Daffy riding it) '''AH, HELP GRANNY, HELP HELP!''', (scene changes to Daffy's head in the middle of a blue and purple swirl while images of Daffy and the clock go around him) '''AAH, HELP, HELP!''', '''HELP! HELP! HELP!''', HELP whoo hoo (Suddenly an alarm clock appears in the middle, it is then revealed that it was all a dream and the alarm clock was waking Daffy up) Help Granny help! whoo hoo, Huh?, Wow!, what a dream, Granny was right, telling time really is important, I hope I'm not too late. (Daffy jumps out of bed, races out of the room and makes to the stairs, He rides down the banister and skids over to the hallway, he races down the corridor, makes it into the room where the lesson was taking place and and sits down next to Bugs and Lola) Did I miss anything?
:'''Bugs''': No Daffy, not a thing.
:'''Lola''': You're right on time.
:(Lola laughs as Daffy [[w:The Fourth Wall|looks to the audience in unamusement]] as the episode ends)
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

===''Mine! / Sylvester The Pester''===
:'''Bugs''': Daffy, are you okay?
:'''Daffy''': Ow (he looks under the chair and pulls out a red purse) Look what I found.
:'''Bugs''': What is it?
:'''Daffy''': Don't know, but it's mine!
:'''Bugs''': Says who?
:'''Daffy''': Says me bunny!
:'''Bugs''': This room is where Granny reads and plays canasty, I bet that thing is hers.
:'''Daffy''': No, it's mine!
:'''Bugs''': Daffy.
:'''Daffy''': Mine!
:'''Bugs''': Daf.
:'''Daffy''': Mine!
:'''Bugs''': D-
:'''Daffy''': '''MIIIIINE!!!'''
:'''Bugs''': Ehh, Okay Daffy, let's go get some lunch and talk this over.
:'''Daffy''': Lunch, Lunch, Look! an indoor carrot-patch!
:'''Bugs''': Where? Where? (Daffy runs away leaving a cloud of dust and Bugs coughing) He tricked me (stomach rumbles) this is all your fault.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Gotta get Daffy to put that thing back, it's the right thing to do.
:'''Lola''': Maybe he knows now that it's not his.
:'''Daffy'''(off screen): Mine!
:(Daffy is pacing around a mound of dirt with a sign that read &quot;MINE&quot; poking from it)
:'''Bugs''': We're talking about Daffy.
:'''Lola''': Oh yeah, I forgot.
:'''Daffy''': Go away bunnies!
:'''Lola''': Daffy, why don't you just put that thing back where you found it?
:'''Daffy''': You told on me! You! You!
:'''Lola''': Daffy! We just don't want to see you get in trouble, right Bugs? Bugs? Bugs!
:'''Bugs''': Oh yeah, sure we don't.
:'''Daffy''': I--I didn't do anything wrong, so I'm not gonna get in trouble
:'''Bugs''': Oh yeah? Then why are ya shakin'?
:'''Daffy''': Who--Who--Who's shaking?
:'''Lola''': Look! Granny's coming.
:(Granny is walking around the garden)
:'''Bugs''': Yeah, now you can tell her about that thing.
:'''Daffy''': No Way! It's Mine!
:'''Lola''': If you're not gonna tell her, we will, come on Bugs.
:'''Bugs''': Last chance doc.
:'''Daffy''': Oh, are you still here?
:'''Bugs''': Be that way, oh Granny!
:'''Lola''': Can you believe that Daffy?
:'''Bugs''': Not usually.
:'''Lola''': Keeping something that doesn't belong to him, I mean, who does he think he is?
:'''Bugs''': I think he thinks he's Daffy.
:'''Lola''': Good point.
:'''Daffy''': Tattlers! Big mouths! (turns to the sign) Oh it's not fair, I found you fair and square, why do they want me to give you back? don't look at me like that, I didn't do anything wrong, I--I-- Okay, okay! You talked me into it (Daffy races away, but comes back with a shovel and starts digging) I'll just dig ya up and then I'll tell Granny just what I told the bunny, then, you're mine.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

===''Cat-Taz-Trophy / Duck! Monster! Duck!''===

===''The Brave Little Tweety / The Puddle Olympics''===
:'''Lola''': The Playroom theatre is proud to present
:(Lola draws back the curtains)
:'''Lola''': The Brave Little Tweety, Starring...Tweety!
:(Granny [who's being the audience] claps with delight)
:'''Bugs''': Once ...Ahem... Upon a Time, in the little town of Looneyville, All the villagers woke up to find a strange box.
:(Sylvester, Lola and Daffy all wake up and looked at the box)
:'''Bugs''': Nobody knew what it was or where it came from or even what was in it.
:(They were still observing it and Daffy knocked on the lid of the box and inside came a large growl which scared them all)
:'''Bugs''': It was a monster!
:'''Lola''': Help!
:'''Sylvester''': Save us!
:'''Daffy''': What he said!
:'''Bugs''': Tweety, that's your cue
:(Tweety walks onto the stage, but gets immediate stage fright)
:'''Bugs''': &quot;Have no fear, Brave Little Tweety is here&quot;.
:'''Tweety''': Have no fear! (Tweety stops and strains as he's trying to find the right words) Bwave Wittle Tweety is here!
:(Taz sticks his arm out and turns the crank and then he jumps out like a [[w:Jack-in-the-box | Jack in the box]] and scares everyone, everyone screams and Lola runs away, Daffy tries to run but his pants accidentally falls down, he quickly pulls them back up and he and Sylvester run away in fear)
:'''Bugs''': The villagers of Looneyville were scared, right out of their pants, But...The Brave Little Tweety saved them from the monster
:(Taz roars at Tweety and so he runs away as well only to be stopped by Bugs)
:'''Bugs''': Go on Tweety, Save 'em.
:(Taz still roaring tries to scare Tweety again, but this time, Tweety jumps on the box and pushes Taz back inside and sits on the lid, Lola, Sylvester and Daffy all run back and praise Tweety for his bravery)
:'''Bugs''': And that's how the Brave Little Tweety saved the day [[w:Porky Pig | And that's all folks]]
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:(Daffy, Lola and Sylvester all looking at the rain outside, at that moment a rain drop collects on the windowsill and Lola draws a circle around it)
:'''Lola''': This one's mine
:(Another collects on Sylvester's side and so he draws a circle around it)
:'''Sylvester''': And this one's mine
:'''Lola''': And they're off, Sylvester's Window Runner is moving quickly down the glass followed by Lola's Wet Head. Around the Curve it's Window Runner by a dribble. Into the stretch, Window Runner leads by a trickle. Headin' for home, it's Lola's Wet Head coming up on the outside. It's Sylvester's Window Runner, Lola's Wet Head, Window Runner, Wet Head and at the windowsill, Lola's Wet Head wins by a drip!
:'''Sylvester''': No fair, your raindrop cheated.
:'''Lola''': Raindrops can't cheat.
:'''Sylvester''': Oh yes they can!
:'''Lola''': No they can't!
:'''Sylvester''': Hmm, Daffy, can raindrops cheat?
:'''Lola''': Sylvester says they can and I say No Way!
:'''Daffy''': Okay, I'd just like to say that I think you both have spent a little too much time inside.
:'''Lola''': Ya' know, I think he's right.
:'''Sylvester''': Yeah
:(Lola and Sylvester just shrug their shoulders and leave)
:'''Daffy''': [[w:Rain Rain Go Away | Rain Rain go away, come again another day.]]
:(Daffy turns away looking sad, then suddenly the sun comes out and the rain stops)
:'''Daffy''': Huh?
:(Daffy looks outside looking very surprised)
:'''Daffy''': Did I do that?
:(He turns to the other babies)
:'''Daffy''': Hey Everybody, It stopped raining! Let's go outside and Play!
:(The babies like the sound of that and so they all race outside to play)

===''A Lot Like Lola / Mother's Day Madness''===

===''Takers Keepers / To Tell The Tooth''===

===''Spinout / Snow Day''===
:''[Taz lost his ability to spin after eating too many snacks and starts bawling into tears]''
:'''Bugs''': ''[consoling him]'' What's up, little doc?
:'''Taz''': ''[crying]'' TAZ NOT SPIN!

===''Shadow Of A Doubt / Christmas In July''===
:'''Daffy''': [running covered in pink paint] I need to see the doctor I need to see a doctor i got chickenpox

===''Bruce Bunny / Leader Of The Pack''===

==''Season 2''==
===''Flower Power / Lightning Bugs Sylvester''===

===''Flush Hour / I Strain''===

===''The Sandman Is Coming / Some Assembly Required''===

===''All Washed Up / Did Not! Did Too!''===
:'''Sylvester''': Hey, everybody!
:'''Lola''': What is it, Sylvester?
:'''Sylvester''': You know how Granny said no playing until we're all washed up? Well, Taz won't take his bath.
:'''Daffy''': Hold on there, whiskers. You mean, nobody gets playtime until ''everbody's'' squeaky clean?
:'''Melissa''': I guess that's always been the rule.
:'''Bugs''': Welp, sounds like there's only one thing we can do. We've got to get Taz into the bathtub.
:'''Lola''': But, how, Bugs?
:'''Bugs''': Well, uh, first thing's first, has anyone seen my diaper?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Come on, Taz, your turn for a bath.
:'''Taz''': No bath!
:'''Lola''': You gotta take a bath, Taz. Granny says so, or nobody gets playtime.
:'''Taz''': Uh-uh! No wanna!
:'''Daffy''': Step aside, I'll handle this. Now, look here, fur ball. You ''don't'' have to take a bath.
:'''Taz''': I don't?
:'''Daffy''': No, you could take a shower! Anything with soap and water involved! Please! I'm begging ya!
:'''Taz''': NO BATH!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Now, look what you did!
:'''Lola''': What who did?!
:'''Bugs''': You!
:'''Lola''': ''Me?!'' The least you could do, is say you're sorry!
:'''Bugs''': ''You're'' the one who ought to be sorry!
:'''Lola''': If ''that's'' how you're gonna be, I'm taking my blocks back!
:'''Bugs''': That's how I'm gonna be, because that's how…''you're'' being!
:'''Daffy''': Well, isn't this a nice bucket of peach pits? There they go, taking our fun with them.
:'''Sylvester''': Now, what are we gonna do?
:'''Tweety''': Maybe there's a way to put this ''whole'' thing back together.
:'''Daffy''': And ''how'' are you gonna do that?
:'''Tweety''': Hmm… Bugs and Lola love playing hopscotch, right? So, here's what we're gonna do.

===''Tea And Basketball / Taz You Like It''===

===''Band Together / War Of The Weirds''===

===''The Harder They Fall / Business As Unusual''===

===''Mr. McStuffles / Picture This!''===

===''Hair Cut-Ups / A Clean Sweep''===

===''Daffy Did It! / The Pig Who Cried Wolf''===
:''[While playing a game of soccer, Tweety uses a baseball bat to whack the soccer ball away from the goal and accidentally hits Granny, making her launch the laundry into the air and fall on the ground, and blames it on Daffy]''
:'''Granny''': Oh, my stars! Now everything will have to be washed again. Okay, now. Who is responsible for this?
:'''Tweety''': I… I, I…
:'''Granny''': Yes, Tweety?
:'''Tweety''': ''[twitching his left eye, then points to Daffy]'' Daffy did it!
:'''Daffy''': ''[cringes in shock]'' Huh?! Who?! What?!
:'''Granny''': Is this true, Daffy?
:'''Daffy''': No way! I'm innocent!
:'''Tweety''': Daffy did it!
:'''Daffy''': Stop saying that!
:'''Granny''': Did anyone see how this happened?
:'''Bugs''': Nope. I didn't see anything.
:'''Sylvester''': Me neither.
:'''Taz''': Me see space shuttle!
:'''Tweety''': Daffy did it!
:'''Daffy''': What are you talking about?! I didn't kick the ball! Okay, I did kick the ball, but I didn't!

===''New Cat In Town / The Magic Of Spring''===
:'''Sylvester''': ''[sighs]'' Kisses and cookies. What more could the world's cutest pussycat want? ''[he and the other baby Tunes see a baby skunk showing up]'' What is that?
:'''Granny''': A new friend who's come to play. This is Baby Pepe.
:''[The other babies, except Sylvester and Daffy, rush towards Baby Pepe, greeting him]''
:'''Bugs''': Hi, kid. I'm Bugs. This is Taz.
:'''Taz''': ''[offering Baby Pepe a cookie]'' Mmm. Yum-yum, eat cookie.
:'''Lola''': ''[rubbing Baby Pepe's cheek]'' Isn't he the cutest?
:'''Tweety''': Very, very cute, indeed. ''[gives Baby Pepe a hug]''
:'''Lola''': Come meet Sylvester. Yeah, you're gonna be friends. ''[sets Baby Pepe in the baby carriage with Sylvester]''
:'''Sylvester''': ''[takes the cookie before Baby Pepe tries to take it]'' Hold on, brother. That's mine! ''[Baby Pepe climbs on his face to get the cookie]'' Watch the face! Watch the face!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sylvester''': Hey, wait! That's-that's--
:'''Daffy''': ''[through hand puppet]'' That's ''your'' place? That's supposed to be you?
:'''Sylvester''': No, I was just… I was--
:'''Daffy''': That's right. You were, as in, ''used'' to be the cutest cat in town. Not anymore. ''He'' is. I know what you feel like. I used to be the cute one too. ''[sighs]'' Face it, pal. When you get grown up like us, they just don't love you anymore.
:'''Sylvester''': ''[determined]'' I'm not growing up that easy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Granny and the baby Tunes are all gathered in the living room to watch Bugs perform his own magic show]''
:'''Melissa''': I'm so excited for the show to start!
:'''Sylvester''': Me too! Bugs has been practicing like, crazy, ever since he bought that magic kit at the toy store.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Bugs sits at the kitchen table, sulking in humiliation over his magic show fail]''
:'''Granny''': ''[consoling him]'' Bugs? Is that the end of the magic show, dear?
:'''Bugs''': Granny, I don't even think there is such a thing as magic. Not anymore.
:'''Granny''': Of course there is, Bugs. There's magic everywhere. And with a little more practice, I'll bet you could be the best little magician there ever was. Let me see your hands. Hmm… Oh, clear as day.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Now that's what I call, magic. Turning a plain old backyard into a big symphony orchestra.

===''Who Said That? / Let Them Make Cake''===
:'''Daffy''': ''[throwing a tantrum while playing a game of Copycatter]'' You little &amp;@*#%! You're nothin' but a &amp;@*#%! I never wanna play this &amp;@*#%$ game, EVER AGAIN!
:''[The other baby Tunes are shocked at Daffy saying a bad word he heard from the garbage man]''
:'''Lola''': What did you just say?
:'''Daffy''': I don't what the &amp;@*#% you're talking about.
:'''Lola''': ''That'' word! What does it mean?
:'''Daffy''': I don't know. It's a new word I just learned. You should try it.
:''[Granny enters the play room]''
:'''Baby Tunes''': Hi, Granny! How the &amp;@*#% are you?
:'''Granny''': ''[surprised with shock]'' Oh! My goodness, little ones, where did you hear a word like that? ''[The babies all point to Daffy; offended]'' Daffy, I'm surprised at you using such word.
:'''Daffy''': What the &amp;@*#% is wrong with using a word like &amp;@*#%?

===''For Whom The Toll Calls / Cereal Boxing''===

==''Season 3''==
===''Mind Your Manners / Petunia The Piggy Bank''===

===''A Pastime For Petunia / Pouting Match''===

===''Wise Quacker / Yours, Mine...And Mine, Mine, Mine!''===

===''Loose Change / Act Your Age''===
:''[Daffy is sitting at the table with a new cereal box of Wheat Doodles]''
:'''Sylvester''': ''[takes a seat at the table]'' Whatcha eating?
:'''Daffy''': I'm not eating anything.
:'''Sylvester''': What's that stuff in your bowl?
:'''Daffy''': It's some kind of new cereal that Granny bought.
:'''Sylvester''': A new cereal? Is this some kind of joke?
:'''Daffy''': If it's a joke, I'm not laughing.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sylvester''': I'll swing on my swing like I always do. ''[falls on his back as the swing breaks]'' That never happened before. ''[starts bawling into tears]''
:'''Tweety''': Did you hurt yourself, Sylvester?
:'''Sylvester''': ''[sniffling]'' No. I'm not hurt.
:'''Tweety''': Then why the weepy eyes?
:'''Sylvester''': Because my swing is broken.
:'''Tweety''': But look, there's another swing right here next to you.
:'''Sylvester''': But, ''this'' is the swing I always use, and now it's broken. ''[gets up and runs into the house]''
:'''Tweety''': Well, never look a gift swing in the mouth… or something like that.

===''Who's Your Granny? / The Tattletale''===
:'''Granny''': ''[hearing Taz bawling]'' Heavens what's all the rackus?
:'''Lola''': Sylvester stole Taz's sandwich piece when Taz wasn't.

===''The Yolk's On You / Baby-Gate''===

===''Never Say Try / Pair O' Dice Lost''===
Sylvester: That's It I'll never wanna build fly or see another kite Again [Sylvester sits on his bed] Stupid Kite I'll never do that again Stupid Stupid kite

===''Melissa The Hero / The Trouble With Larry''===

===''The Littlest Tweety / In Bugs We Trust''===

===''Cool For Cats / Time Out!''===

===''Present Tense / The Neat And The Sloppy''===

===''Tell-A-Photo / Move It!''===

==''Season 4''==
===''These Little Piggies Went To The Market / Now Museum, Now You Don't''===

===''Take Us Out To The Ballgame / Clues Encounters Of The Tweety Kind''===

===''A Bully For Bugs / The Wheel Deal''===
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay wabbit I saw you get more, gimme all your candy!
:'''Bugs''': But I only have an icky marshmallow bunny.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Mm-hmm
:'''Bugs''': He has a chocolate duck, that's much better.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Okay then gimme the chocolate duck and no one get hurt!
:'''Daffy''': Oh no kid, this chocolate duck is bitter, you don't want this, you should eat the marshmallow rabbit.
:'''Bugs''': No doc, eat the chocolate duck.
:'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit.
:'''Bugs''': Eat the duck.
:'''Daffy''': Eat the rabbit!
:'''Bugs''': Duck
:'''Daffy''': Rabbit!
:'''Bugs''': Duck
:'''Daffy''': Rabbit!
:'''Bugs''': Rabbit
:'''Daffy''': Duck!
:'''Bugs''': I say he should eat the rabbit
:'''Daffy''': And I insist you eat the duck, here!
:(Daffy shoves the chocolate duck into Elmer's mouth to his delight, but then Daffy come to the realisation that he just gave his own chocolate duck away)
:'''Daffy''': Hmm, I better remember that [[w:Rabbit Fire|Just in case he ever tries that again someday]].
:'''Bugs''': Well, see you around doc.
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Hold it right there wabbit!
:(Elmer then proceeds to snatch the marshmallow rabbit from Bugs and eats it, much to the disappointed of Bugs)

&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Daffy''': Tell them what happened!
:'''Bugs''': Nothin' happened. Just forget it.

===''Oh Brother, Warehouse Art Thou? / Flu the Coop''===
:'''Lola''': Submitted for your approval, Sylvester a young cat.
:'''Tweety''': Floyd! Lola's being an old TV rerun again! ''[Lola pushes him down]'' Hey!
:'''Lola''': A young cat claws deep in the comfy fabric of a preschool routine, but this little kitty is about to go to market where he will discover, the only routine he can expect is, the unexpected.
:'''Floyd''': C'mon, Sylvester, let go!
:'''Sylvester''': No! No! I like this chair!
:'''Floyd''': We're gonna get a new one! ''[pulls until Sylvester comes off the chair with the pieces of the chair fabric dug into his claws]''
:'''Lola''': Follow this journey under &quot;Buckle up and Roll with it&quot;, for this creature of habit is about to leave, his comfort zone.

===''Blast Off Bugs / Baby Brouhaha''===
:(Scene opens at the Baby Looney Tunes house at dusk, The babies are all cheering for Bugs as he's &quot;going&quot; to the moon)
:'''Bugs''': I'm flying the Super-Duper Moon Zoomer first, 'cause I've got the helmet
:(Bugs puts a red bowl on his head)
:'''Bugs''': I'm going right to the moon!
:(Bugs leaves but then quickly comes back)
:'''Bugs''': Then you guys can have a turn
:(Bugs gives a salute)
:'''Sylvester''': Granny, Granny come quick, Bugs is getting ready to go!
:(Tweety races over to Bugs and hugs him)
:'''Tweety''': Bugs
:(Tweety hugs him tightly to wish him luck)
:'''Tweety''': Come back save and sound and soon
:(The rest of the babies climb onto chairs to help Bugs blast off)
:'''Granny''': Have a wonderful trip Bugs dear
:(Bugs climbing into his self made rocket)
:'''Bugs''': Don't worry, I got a strong heart and a steady hand, I could fly this thing
:(door closes and Bugs falls in)
:'''Bugs''': With my eyes shut
:(Bugs peaks through the window)
:'''Bugs''': Begin the counting down!
:(The babies count down and jump on the teeter-totter, but the rocket crashes down on the ground, Daffy and Sylvester race over to pull Bugs out of the wreckage, Bugs is okay but a little dazed, thinking that the back yard is the moon)
:'''Bugs''': Wow, looks a lot like Earth
:'''Sylvester''': It is Earth Bugs
:'''Daffy''': Your blast-off was a bust-up
:(Bugs looks at the remains of his rocket)
:'''Bugs''': Oh, I'll never get to the moon the way I'm going
:(Granny walks over to the babies and talk sympathetically to Bugs)
:'''Granny''': Well perhaps you'll get there tomorrow dear, It's getting late now
:(All the babies and Bugs all follow Granny into the house so they could all go to bed)

&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Floyd''': Okay, Everyone stay together now, you won't believe the amazing bug display they have here
:'''Lola''': We gotta see the inventions!
:'''Sylvester''': Yeah, let's go their first!
:'''Tweety''': Hoo Hoo, ooh, Yes!
:'''Daffy''': No, No, No, No, We're going to see the explorers first
:'''Taz''': Ooh, 'plorers, 'plorers, Yeah, Yeah!
:'''Bugs''': First, First of all, I wanna see the rocket ships
:'''Floyd''': Alright, we'll see everything if we stay organized, now, let's start with that insect exhibit
:(The babies all take at once and then they split up and go in different directions)
:'''Floyd''': Oh hey, their gone!
:'''Old security guard''': Here we go again (as if he knows what the babies were up to the last time they visited the museum)

&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lola finds a book about babies.]''
:'''Tweety''': What does it say, Lola?
:'''Lola''': Well, I can't read the words, but the pictures tell all about what babies are like. It says that babies eat, drink, sleep, play, crawl, smile, laugh, cry... ''[starts to become uneasy, as do the other babies]'' scream... wail, kick, screech... burp... barf up dinner... pass lots of gas... tears come out of their eyes... drool comes out of their mouth... stuff comes out of their nose... ''[Daffy gags]'' And everyday, they fill their diapers with...
:''[Bugs gasps. Lola gasps and shuts the book, completely disgusted and mortified.]''
:'''Lola''': EWWWWWWW!
:'''All''': EWWWWWWW!

===''Log Cabin Fever / A Mid-Autumn Night's Scream''===

===''Are We There, Yet? / Save Our Cinnamon''===

===''Lights! Camera! Tweety! / Backstage Bugs''===
:'''Granny''': It's so nice of you to take the kids to see the Wormies Floyd.
:'''Bugs''': Willy is my favourite wormy.
:'''Floyd''': No problem Granny, they love the Wormies.
:'''Bugs''': Uh-huh, especially Willy Wormy.
:'''Granny''': You kids be sure to stay close to Floyd today.
:'''Bugs''': He's gonna take me backstage to meet Willy Wormy, right Floyd?
:'''Floyd''': I'll try Bugs, we'll see if it's possible. 
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sylvester''': He's super.
:'''Taz''': Uh-huh, cutie pie.
:'''Lola''': Fantastic.
:'''Daffy''': Colossal.
:'''Bugs''': And he's taking me backstage to meet Willy Wormy, right Uncle Floyd?
:'''Floyd''': Uh, we'll see Bugs, we'll see.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Floyd!
:'''Tweety''': Floyd!
:'''Lola''': I'm hungry.
:'''Daffy''': Floyd, can we get a snack?
:'''Tweety''': Pwease?
:'''Floyd''': No.
:'''Taz''': Taz want snack!
:'''Sylvester''': Oh please-please-please-please?
:'''Floyd''': No, no, no, no, no!
:'''Willy Wormy''': Let's sing it again!
:'''Wormies''': Pears and apples make a very yummy snack!
:'''Floyd''': Hey kids, how 'bout I go and get us some popcorn?
:'''Babies''': Hooray!
:'''Daffy''': Whoo-hoo!
:'''Taz''': Poppycorn!
:'''Floyd''': Now stay right here until I get back, we don't want anyone to get lost in this big place. 
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tweety''': Fwoyd, Fwoyd! I have to go potty.
:'''Floyd''': Can't you wait Tweety?
:'''Tweety''': Oooh, I don't think so.
:'''Taz''': Uh, Taz need laborartory.
:'''Floyd''': Can't you wait?
:'''Bugs''': Not a chance doc.
:'''Daffy''': Nope.
:'''Lola''': I doubt it.
:'''Sylvester''': Nah, no way.
:'''Taz''': Nu-uh.
:'''Floyd''': Okay, let's go potty.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bugs''': Come on, hurry! They're in there, the Wormies are in there! Eh, 'cuse me doc, (the Doorman blocks Bugs' way) Hey look out yah big galoot, the Wormies are in there, I gotta go see 'em!
:'''Floyd''': Relax Bugs, just let me talk to the doorman first, hi there, any chance getting backstage to meet the Wormies this afternoon?
:'''Babies''': Please!
:'''Doorman''': (raises an eyebrow) Wait over there with the others.
:(Floyd looks and sees a long line of people)
:'''Floyd''': Gee, thanks.
&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Willy Wormy''': Excuse me, did one of you forget your pen?
:'''Bugs''': Willy? Willy Wormy? Is it really and truly you?
:'''Willy Wormy''': Yep, it's me, who are you?
:'''Bugs''': I'm Bugs and I'm your biggest, most bestest fan.
:'''Willy Wormy''': Really? Well thank you, you know I think my bestest fan, ought to have one of my bestest hats, to share with his friends, don't you?
:'''Bugs''': Whoa, this is so cool.
:'''Taz''': Wowee!
:'''Tweety''': Ooh.
:'''Lola''': Look at that.
:'''Sylvester''': Cool.
:'''Daffy''': Can I wear it Bugsy?
:'''Willy Wormy''': I hope I'll see you kids again real soon, enjoy the hat with your friends Bugs!
:'''Bugs''': I will (looks at his friends) we will!
:(The babies all wave and said goodbye to Willy)

===''Bend It Like Petunia / Cock-a-Doodle-Doo-It!''===

===''Wrong! / Win, Lose Or Daffy''===

===''A Turtle Named Myrtle / There's Nothing Like A Good Book''===

===''The Dolly Vanishes / Duck's Reflucks''===

===''Stop and Smell Up The Flowers / Firehouse Frolics''===

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated TV spin-offs]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Kids' WB shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Looney Tunes]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>244467</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:17:02Z</timestamp>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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[[File:Scooby-doo-guess-who.jpg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?|Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?]]''''' is the 13th [[Scooby-Doo]] television series. Following a similar premise to ''[[The New Scooby-Doo Movies]]'', the show focuses on the Mystery Inc. gang as they solve mysteries while encountering and being assisted by various celebrities and fictional characters, including crossovers with {{W|DC Comics}} and {{W|Hanna-Barbera}} characters.
 
{{tv-stub}}

== Season 1 ==
===Revenge of the Swamp Monster!===
:'''Announcer''': Welcome everyone to the last 18 holes of the Lost Waters Fundraiser Tournament. Let's meet the top three remaining golfers who haven't been taken by the Swamp Monster. Burt Friendly, professional nice guy and local land developer.
:'''Daphne''': Land developer? OK, it's probably that guy.
:'''Announcer''': Our local curmudgeon and self-proclaimed child hater and art despiser, Arthur C. Habernackles.
:''[crowd boos]''
:'''Fred''': Angry child hater and art despiser? It's probably that guy.
:'''Announcer''': And the owner of the golf course, Hadlee P. Jones, who's been trying to buy the land from under the Art School for years.
:'''Velma''': So it's probably, definitely him!

===A Mystery Solving Gang Divided===
:'''April''': We found this. Do you know what it is? 
:'''Velma''': I know exactly what this is. And now this memory stick totally makes sense.
:'''Mudsy''': A memory stick? Is that like a broomstick but for brainy bits? I certainly could use a good sweeping, don'tcha know.

===Peebles' Pet Shop of Terrible Terrors!===
:'''Mr. Peebles''': And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! And Wanda Sykes! And Magilla Gorilla!

===Elementary, My Dear Shaggy!===
:'''Fred''': Look, gang. This dirt has been freshly disturbed.
:'''Daphne''': There's a trail.
:'''Velma''': These are the same tracks we saw at the subway tunnel!
:'''Sherlock Holmes''': It seems the Screaming Skulls tried to get in but... could not!
:'''Shaggy''': Like, what would a bunch of creepy skulls want with the crown jewels? ''[screams]''
:'''Beefeater''': What's all this, then? You lot shouldn't be snooping around in the Tower of London after hours! It's not allowed! 
:'''Fred''': But... We're solving a mystery.

===Ollie Ollie In-Come Free!===
:'''Ricky Gervais''': All you have your own little catchphrases, don't you? Like Daphne's got &quot;Jeepers&quot;, Velma has &quot;Jinkies&quot;, Shaggy, &quot;Zoinks&quot;, right. Even Fred says, &quot;Hold the phone&quot;.
:'''Scooby''': And?
:'''Ricky Gervais''': I mean, well my point is, you just say your name. You just go &quot;Scooby-Dooby-Doo.&quot;

===The Scooby of a Thousand Faces!===
:'''Scooby''': Oh no! The Lasso of Truth!
:'''Shaggy''': I went through the drive-thru last week, and I didn't get Scooby-Doo anything! 
:'''Scooby''': Shaggy, I used your toothbrush... and not on my teeth.
:'''Shaggy''': I put a lot more peanut butter on my sandwich than on yours. A lot more!
:'''Scooby''': And I lick the peanut butter straight outta the jar!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Velma''': Wait. You had hot dogs with Wonder Woman and I had a candy and baloney sandwich with Shaggy? Huh... It's a cruel world!

===The Cursed Cabinet of Professor Madds Markson!===

===When Urkel-Bots Go Bad!===

===The Fastest Food Fiend!===

===Attack of the Weird Al-Osaurus!===

===Now You Sia, Now You Don't!===
:'''Sia''': You two are crazy cute. Bye.
:'''Shaggy''': Like which one of us is &quot;the cute&quot; and which one's &quot;the crazy&quot;?
:'''Scooby-Doo''': I'm the cute one. Duh!

===Quit Clowning!===

===What a Night, For a Dark Knight!===

===The Nightmare Ghost of Psychic U!===

===The Sword, The Fox, and the Scooby-Doo!===

===One Minute Mysteries!===

===Hollywood Knights!===

===The New York Underground!===

===Fear of the Fire Beast!===

===Too Many Dummies!===
:'''Petunia''': ''[muffled]'' Help! I'm here, I'm here...
:'''Darci Lynne Farmer''': The footprints end here. ''[She opens a chest and grabs Petunia]'' Oh Petunia. Thanks heavens you were in there.
:'''Jeff Dunham''': Or you would have been throwing your voice for nothing.
:'''Darci Lynne Farmer''': I know, right. That would have been embarrassing.

===Dance Matron of Mayhem!===

===The Wedding Witch of Wainsly Hall!===

===A Run Cycle Through Time!===

===I Put A Hex On You!===

===The High School Wolfman's Musical Lament!===

===Space Station Scooby===


== Season 2 ==
===The Phantom, The Talking Dog, and the Hot Hot Hot Sauce!===
:'''Fred''': Uh...
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': &quot;That's the hot, hot, hot sauce.&quot;
:'''Fred''': ''[confused]'' Uh, what?
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': That's your line.
:'''Fred''': What?
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': &quot;That's the hot, hot, hot sauce.&quot;
:'''Fred''': It is?
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': No, that's your line.
:'''Fred''': ''[annoyed]'' What?
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': &quot;That's the hot, hot, hot sauce!&quot;
:'''Fred''': It is?!
:'''Kacey Musgraves''': No, that's your line!
:''[audience starts laughing]''
:'''Shaggy''': Fred! Like get it together, dude! You are ruining the show!
:'''Fred''': ''[finally understands]'' Oh! That's the hot sauce!

===The Last Inmate!===

===The Horrible Haunted Hospital of Dr. Phineas Phrag!===

===The Hot Dog Dog!===

===A Moveable Mystery!===

===The Feast of Dr. Frankenfooder!===

===A Fashion Nightmare!===

===Scooby On Ice!===

===Caveman on the Half Pipe!===
:''[The gang and Chloe Kim are talking in their sleep]''
:'''Fred''': ''[pulls on an imaginary rope]'' Ah, it's trapping time! Yeah.
:'''Daphne''': No, no, no. Purple's not a color, it's a lifestyle! Hmm.
:'''Velma''': My glasses, my glasses! I can't dream without my glasses!
:'''Chloe Kim''': Snowboarding, shopping, snowboarding...
:'''Scooby-Doo and Shaggy''': Scooby Snacks, ''[snores]'' Scooby Snacks, ''[snores]'' Scooby Snacks.

===The Crown Jewel of Boxing!===

===The Internet on Haunted House Hill!===

===The 7th Inning Scare!===
''[After the stadium exploded]''

'''Daphne''': ''[shocked]'' Unbelievable!

'''Umpire''': Hey! I've been telling them to fix those gaslines for months. This place is gonna go down in flames! My total, and exactly, those words, but, nobody ever listens!

'''Scooby - Doo''': Wait! Where's Macklemore?!

'''Velma''': Don't worry, Scooby. Because we're about to see who this Ghost Mascot really is.

''[Velma takes off the mask, revealing...]''

'''Everyone''': Macklemore?!

'''Macklemore''': Yup.

===The Dreaded Remake of Jekyll &amp; Hyde!===

===Total Jeopardy!===

===Dark Diner of Route 66!===

===Lost Soles of Jungle River!===

===The Tao of Scoob!===
:'''Lucy Liu''': ''[gasps]'' It's a puzzle box, of course. Why didn't I see that before?
:'''Shaggy''': It's because you named it a piece of wood. So you could never see it as a puzzle box.
:'''Lucy Liu''': Shaggy, that's actually, truly brilliant, and makes perfect sense!
:'''Shaggy''': ''[chuckles]'' Now hurry up and un-name it so I can see if it turns into a pepperoni pizza.
:'''Lucy Liu''': And he's back!

===Returning of the Key Ring!===

===Cher, Scooby and the Sargasso Sea!===

===The Lost Mines of Kilimanjaro!===

===The Legend of the Gold Microphone!===

===Scooby-Doo and the Sky Town Cool School!===

===Falling Star Man!===

===A Haunt of a Thousand Voices!===

===Scooby-Doo, Dog Wonder!===

===The Movieland Monsters!===

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{DC Comics}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2010s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Boomerang shows]]
[[Category:HBO Max shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Lightyear (film)</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T14:40:57Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>/* Buzz Lightyear */</comment>
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[[File:Lightyear movie title teaser.jpg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:Lightyear (film)|Lightyear]]''''' is a 2022 American [[w:Computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:Science fiction film|science fiction]] [[w:Action film#Action-adventure|action-adventure film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]]. It is a spin-off prequel of the ''[[Toy Story]]'' film series, serving as an origin story for the fictional test pilot/astronaut character who the Buzz Lightyear toy/action figure featured in the main films was inspired by. It was released in theaters on June 17, 2022, which was two weeks after a live-action sequel, ''[[w:Hollywood Stargirl|Hollywood Stargirl]]'' for [[w:Disney+|Disney+]].

:''Directed by [[w:Angus MacLane|Angus MacLane]]. Written by MacLane, Matthew Aldrich, and Jason Headley.''

==Buzz Lightyear==
* I'm Buzz Lightyear, I'm always sure!
* Buzz Lightyear mission log. Star date 3902. After a full year of being marooned, our specialized crew have put this planet's vast resources to incredible use. Finally, our first hyper-speed test flight is a go.
* Terrain seems a bit… unstable. No read-out yet if the air is breathable. There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
* Narrating helps me focus.
* Buzz Lightyear mission log. Planet clearly uninhabitable! In fact, outright hostile. Sentient foilage have apprehended Cadet Furth-- Feathering-- Featheringson-- FEATHER-- '''AAGH'''-- They got the rookie - whom I STRONGLY suggested should '''NOT HAVE JOINED ''IN THE FIRST PLACE--''' (gets sent flying)''
* Let's get everyone home.
* So, everyone is just stuck here because of me.
* Buzz Lightyear mission log. My mistake has marooned us on this strange planet. I need to make it right.
* Buzz Lightyear to Star Command, come in Star Command. Star Command, come in. (Do you read me?) Why don't they answer?
* ''['''Izzy:''' Somethin' wrong with your sandwich?]'' Why's the meat on the outside?
* ''[as he attacks Zurg with his laser]'' Not today, Zurg!
* Buzz Lightyear mission log. Star date 4071. As members of the Elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, we've been charged to protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from any sworn enemies of The Galactic Alliance.
* ''[last lines]'' All right, Space Rangers. Here we go. ''['''Alisha:''' To infinity…]'' And beyond.

===Zurg===
* ''[confronting Buzz]'' Buzz... ''['''Buzz:''' What? How do you know my name?]'' Come with me.
* You look good, Buzz. ''['''Buzz:''' Dad?]'' Guess again.
* ''[attempting to kill Buzz for the last time]'' Buzz Lightyear, Mission Log: I now have the crystal in my possession, and can finally, at long last, finish the mission! I'm gonna go back and matter again, Buzz! And you? It will be like you were never here, so... prepare to die. ''['''Buzz:''' Not today, Zurg!]'' Huh?!

==Sox==
* Hello, Buzz. I am Sox, your personal companion robot.
* I was issued by Star Command to ease your emotional transition after your time away.
* ''[after shooting Zurg with a tranquilizer dart, knocking him out unconscious]'' I bought you 5 minutes.
* That was utterly terrifying and I regret having joined you.
* The probability of survival with an inexperienced crew is 38.2%.

==Izzy==
* I hope you're ready for action, because all we needed was a pilot.
* I have a plan, and I have a team.
* Grandma always said she believed in you.
* Are we going to space? I can see stars, that is space!
* These new suits are amazing. Arm blaster, rocket wings.
* ''[to the statue of her grandmother; proudly]'' Look, Grandma, I'm a Space Ranger. Just like you.

==Mo==
* We can do anything!
* Well, I thought that this was going to be like a fun boot camp, workout thing. But it is not.

==Darby==
* I can do this, and they shave a little time off my sentence.
* I'm not allowed to handle weapons, would be a violation of my parole.
* Don't die is just something you want to do every day!
* I can't believe I'm allowed to carry this. I wish I had two of them.

==Alisha==
* Hello, Sox. I need you to do me a favor. I need you to look after my best friend. His name's Buzz. He's away right now, but he'll be back soon. He's a Space Ranger. He's going to get us all home.
* ''[last words]'' Goodbye, Buzz. I'm sorry I won't be there to see you finish the mission. To infinity... ''['''Buzz:''' And beyond.]''

==Dialogue==

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diaz''': Commander, are you okay?
:'''Buzz''': Diaz, you grew a beard. How did you grow a beard?
:'''Diaz''': Oh, right. First of, welcome back. Secondly…
:'''Buzz''': Wait, wait... What is this? How long was I gone?
:'''Diaz''': 4 years, 2 months, and 3 days.
:'''Buzz''': What?
:'''Alisha''': ''[hugs him]'' I thought we lost you, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Alisha, what happened?
:'''Alisha''': Time dilation.
:'''Buzz''': What?
:'''E.R.I.C.''': '''Time dilation is quite simple. As you approached hyper-speed, your time slowed relative to our own. So, during your mission, you aged only minutes, while the rest of us have aged years. Simply put - the faster you fly…'''
:'''Buzz''': The faster I fly, the further into the future I travel. I get it. So what are we gonna do now?
:'''Alisha''': I don't know, but I think we should hold off on any more test flights until we figure  out something else.
:'''Buzz''': Commander, we said finish the mission. That's what Space Rangers do.
:'''Alisha''': At what cost, Buzz? Are you willing to lose another four years?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Buzz''': ''[notices a ring on Alisha's finger]'' Wait, what's that?
:'''Alisha''': Oh, I got engaged.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, wow. That's-That's great. What's her name?
:'''Alisha''': Kiko. She's one of the science crew. It's funny, I never would've met her if we hadn't…been stranded.
:'''Buzz''': You got engaged to someone you just met?
:'''Alisha''': Buzz, I met her three years ago.
:'''Buzz''': Oh, right. Right. Well, congratulations. I'd love to meet her.
:'''Alisha''': Well, there's plenty of time for that. Get some rest. That's an order.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Buzz enters Alisha's office, only to find that she's not there and the room is completely cleared out, except for the desk with a holographic device sitting on top; Buzz activates the device, showing a hologram of the elderly Alisha, sitting up properly in her bed]''
:'''Alisha''': Hi, Buzz. You're back here in a year or two, and, well, I won't. I don't know what happened, but I seem to have gone and gotten very old. I always thought we'd get to be Space Rangers again. ''[chuckles softly]'' I miss being out among the stars. All the adventures. But more than any of that, I missed you. 
:'''Young Izzy''': Hi, Grandma. ''[climbs up on the bed]''
:'''Alisha''': Hey, sweetheart. I'm leaving a message for my friend, Buzz. 
:'''Young Izzy''': The Space Ranger? 
:'''Alisha''': ''[chuckles]'' That's right. He's in space right now.
:'''Young Izzy''': ''[amazed]'' Wow!
:'''Alisha''': This is my granddaughter, Izzy. 
:'''Young Izzy''': I'm gonna be a Space Ranger, too. 
:'''Alisha''': Just like him? 
:'''Young Izzy''': ''[whispers]'' Just like you. ''[hugs her grandma]''
:'''Alisha''': ''[tenderly kisses her granddaughter's head; last and final words]'' Goodbye, Buzz. I'm sorry I won't be there to see you finish the mission. To infinity… ''[holds out her finger]''
:'''Buzz''': And beyond.
:''[Alisha ends the holographic message and the hologram turns off; Buzz mournfully notices something sticking out from under the desk and picks it up, revealing a photo of him and Alisha, he tearfully gazes at the photo and wipes his eye]''
:'''New Commander''': ''[entering]'' Knock-knock. Sorry to interrupt. I'm just moving into my new… ''[recognizes Buzz, meeting him for the first time]'' Oh! ''[laughs]'' Look at that! The actual Buzz Lightyear in the flesh.
:'''Buzz''': ''[salutes]'' Affirmative.
:'''Commander''': ''[salutes in return]'' Commander Cal Burnside. I was a big fan of yours when I was a kid.
:'''Buzz''': Well, then I look forward to working with you to finally get us out of here.
:'''Cal Burnside''': Oh… Did no one tell you?
:'''Buzz''': Tell me what?
:'''Commander Cal Burnside''': Yeah. Um… ''[clears throat]'' That was the last mission, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': What? 
:'''Commander Burnside''': We've decided we gonna go ahead and stay right here. 
:'''Buzz''': Wait, ''here''? Negative, that is not a viable option. 
:'''Burnside''': It is now. See, we're building this… Laser shield. It'll keep all the creeters out. And we'll just tuck right in here and make do with what we've got.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Buzz''': Listen. Um… I just… When I first went to the Academy, I was not, you know… ''good.'' I screwed up every day. I got tangled in the obstacle course, my hands shook so much I couldn't hit the target. Not the bulls-eye, the '''''whole''''' target. And I was gonna quit after the first week. It was clear I was not space ranger material.
:'''Mo''': Really?
:'''Buzz''': Yeah. ''[points to Izzy]'' But her grandma saw something in me. So I started looking for it, too.
:'''Sox''': Recalibrating. One corrupted file restored. ''[activates a hologram of Alisha with his electronic eyes]''
:'''Alisha''': Hey, he's lighting up.
:'''Izzy''': ''[surprised]'' Grandma…
:'''Alisha''': Hello, Sox. I need you to do me a favor. I need you to look after my best friend. His name's Buzz. He's away right now, but he'll be back soon. He's a space ranger. He's going to get us all home. ''[repeatedly]'' Get us all home…

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Zurg''': ''[revealing himself to be an alternate timeline version of Buzz]'' You look good, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Dad?
:'''Zurg''': ''[chuckles]'' Guess again. ''[hops out of the mech suit, walks towards Buzz, and shows him his dog tag with his name]''
:'''Buzz''': Huh? ''[takes out his own dog tag and sees the names are identical to the other, then sees a cat's shadow appearing from behind the suit]'' Sox?
:'''Future Sox''': ''[with his electronic left eye exposed; distorted]'' Hello, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': I don't understand.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Buzz''': Wait a minute. Hold on. You're not me. ''I'm'' me.
:'''Zurg''': Well, you're you now. But I'm you 50 years from now.
:'''Buzz''': Well, there can't be two me's.
:'''Zurg''': Yet, here we both are.
:'''Buzz''': Okay, then. If you're me, I'm thinking of a number between one and…
:'''Zurg''': 273.
:'''Buzz''': Whoa.
:'''Zyclops''': '''''B-Zurg.'''''
:'''Zurg''': Isn't that cute? Robots can't quite say &quot;Buzz&quot;, so around here, I'm just… Zurg.
:'''Zyclops''': '''''B-Zurg.'''''
:'''Zurg''': And I guess, so are you.
:'''Buzz''': How? I don't understand.
:'''Zurg''': Don't worry about it. None of this is going to matter.
:'''Future Sox''': Buzz. 
:'''Zurg and Buzz''': ''[at the same time]'' Yes? 
:'''Future Sox''': You have to explain it all to him.
:'''Zurg''': You're right. I'm sorry, it's just... exciting! You're finally here! See... I reached hyper-speed, too, just like you did. But I wasn't greeted as a hero. No, that new commander was going to arrest me for stealing the XL-15. I found a way to get them home, and they didn't even care! So, I escaped. I went as far as I could as fast as I could. At that speed for that long, I traveled centuries, and I ended up in a future you wouldn't recognize… filled with technology you can't even imagine, and that's when it dawned on me: if we can use this crystal to go forward in time, why not use it to go back?
:'''Buzz''': But we can't go back in time. 
:'''Zurg''': We can now. 
:'''Buzz''': What? 
:'''Zurg''': Listen, Buzz, I've broken time. What's happening to you never happened to me. This is a new now that's never been lived. You see we can change things, Buzz.
:'''Buzz''': Well, if we can go back in time, we can… We can stop ourselves from ever landing on that planet.
:'''Zurg''': From ever hitting that mountain. 
:'''Buzz''': We can just continue the mission home.
:'''Zurg''': And none of this will have ever happened.
:'''Both''': It's a good plan.
:'''Zurg''': And this crystal is the key to it all.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Burnside''': All right, team, we've picked up a signal in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector 4. We don't know what it is, but we're not gonna wait for it to invade our home.
:'''Buzz''': ''[on locking wrist communicator]'' Copy, Commander. You can count on us. ''[he and his team board their ship; narrating]'' Buzz Lightyear mission log. Star date 4071. As members of the Elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, we've been charged to protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from any sworn enemies of The Galactic Alliance. Okay, everyone, make sure you're securely fastened.

==Taglines==
*Infinity awaits.
*[[w:Toy Story|In 1995, a boy named Andy (Davis) got a Buzz Lightyear toy for his birthday.]] It was from his favorite movie. This is that movie.

==Cast==
* [[Chris Evans (actor)|Chris Evans]] — Buzz Lightyear
** [[w:James Brolin|James Brolin]] — Zurg (Future Buzz)

* [[w:Peter Sohn|Peter Sohn]] — Sox

* [[w:Keke Palmer|Keke Palmer]] — Izzy Hawthorne

* [[w:Taika Waititi|Taika Waititi]] — Mo Morrison

* [[w:Dale Soules|Dale Soules]] — Darby Steel

* Mary McDonald-Lewis — I.V.A.N.

* [[Uzo Aduba]] — Alisha Hawthorne

* [[w:Efren Ramirez|Efren Ramirez]] — Airman Diaz

* [[w:Isiah Whitlock Jr.|Isiah Whitlock Jr.]] — Commander Cal Burnside

* [[w:Tim Peake|Tim Peake]] — Tim from [[w:Mission control center|Mission Control]]

* [[w:Bill Hader|Bill Hader]] — Rookie Featheringhamstan

==External Links==
* {{imdb title|10298810|Lightyear}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
{{wikipedia}}

{{Toy Story}}

[[Category:2022 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2022 American animated films]]
[[Category:Film spin-offs]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
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[[Category:American children's animated space adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Theatrically released animated superhero films]]
[[Category:American robot films]]
[[Category:Action adventure films]]
[[Category:Animated films about robots]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Films about astronauts]]
[[Category:Animated films about time travel]]
[[Category:Buzz Lightyear]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional planets]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about cats]]
[[Category:Animated films impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic]]
[[Category:2022 English-language films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>José Baroja</title>
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      <text bytes="12165" sha1="joyyn9fntbgaibrabuk2k8l1r7noup5" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Perfil_José_Baroja.jpg|thumb|José Baroja in 2019]]

'''[[w:José Baroja|José Baroja]]''' (born Valdivia, September 4th, 1983) is a [[Chile|Chilean]] writer, academic and editor.

== Quotes ==

* I think that living only from writing is a privilege, in economic terms, that only some writers have achieved and to which, probably, all authors aspire: a difficult goal that is not impossible.
** '''Original source:''' ''Pienso que vivir solo de la escritura es un privilegio, en términos económicos, que solo algunos escritores y escritoras han conseguido y al que, probablemente, todos los autores aspiramos: una meta difícil que no imposible''. Cazas Fernández, A. (2022). &quot;La escritura le aportó sentido, coherencia e identidad a mi vida&quot;. En ''Correo Gallego''. [https://www.elcorreogallego.es/el-correo-2/la-escritura-le-aporto-sentido-coherencia-e-identidad-a-mi-vida-AP10794051]. Retrieved June 16, 2022.

* For a writer, life must be the focus that death illuminates daily.
** '''Original source:'''  ''Para un escritor la vida debe ser el foco que la muerte ilumina a diario''. Zárate, Y. (2019). &quot;José Baroja&quot;. En revista ''Momentos Ahora o nunca''. Número 139. Tlaxcala, México; p. 24.

* It is often said that children do not read. Well, I'd say that if adults don't start reading, it's not fair to accuse little ones of not reading. They must see us with a book in our hands.
** '''Original source:''' ''Mucho se dice que los niños no leen. Bueno, yo diría que si los adultos no comienzan a hacerlo, no es justo acusar a los más pequeños de no leer. Ellos deben vernos con un libro entre las manos''. Trujillo, E. (2018). &quot;Promover la lectura es una responsabilidad moral de los escritores: José Baroja&quot;. En ''Perú Informa''. [http://www.peruinforma.com/entrevista-cultural-al-escritor-chileno-jose-baroja/#:~:text=Hablar%20del%20escritor%20chileno%20Jos%C3%A9,en%20Letras%2C%20menci%C3%B3n%20en%20Literatura.]. Retrieved June 17, 2022.

*Why walk with half measures, animals know much more than people, above all because they feel more freely than most of these and, therefore, as Kafka says, they are possessors of all the knowledge about this life. They are just too humble to show it off.
**'''Original source:''' ''Para qué andar con medias tintas, los animales saben mucho más que las personas, ante todo porque sienten con más libertad que la mayoría de estas y, por ello, como dice Kafka, son poseedores de todo el conocimiento acerca de esta vida. Solo que son muy humildes para hacer gala de ello''.  Baroja, José. (2020). &quot;Orfeo&quot;. En ''El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos''. Lima: Ediquid, ISBN:978-980-7641-67-8; p. 40.

*The memory is like the wind, sometimes warm, gentle and prone to a smile, sometimes violent, merciless and unwelcome. The memory looks like the wind, period, and that explains why the wind can bring with it the memory.
**'''Original source:''' ''El recuerdo se parece al viento, a veces cálido, gentil y proclive a una sonrisa, a veces violento, inmisericorde e inoportuno. El recuerdo se parece al viento, punto, y eso explica por qué el viento puede traer consigo el recuerdo.''. Baroja, J. (2020). ''Viento y lluvia en Ciudad de México''. [http://letras.mysite.com/jbar011120.html.]. Retrieved July 1, 2022.

*No one said this would be easy (...) Writing is not. Do not forget that the pen is the tool, yes, but art must be born from you, from your readings...
**'''Original source:''' ''Nadie dijo que esto sería fácil (...) Escribir no lo es. No olvides que la pluma es la herramienta, sí, pero el arte debe nacer desde ti, desde tus lecturas...''.  Baroja, J. (2022). ''Guarnieri''. [http://www.elguardatextos.com/2022/07/guarnieri.html]. Retrieved July 19, 2022.

*It's payday, reason enough for customers to cram every space in the venue looking for a beer. Today there is money ergo there is drink. Bibere ergosum.
**'''Original source:''' ''Es día de pago, razón suficiente para que los clientes atiborren cada espacio del local en busca de una cerveza. Hoy hay dinero ergo hay trago. Bibere ergo sum.''.  Baroja, J. (2023). ''Reflejo''. [http://www.elguardatextos.com/2023/06/reflejo.html]. Retrieved June 20, 2023.

*God? Christ. The Virgin. This Guadalajara is so rich in cathedrals, so rich in appearances, that I am sure that these are the true foundations of the city and its misfortune: the rain washes away the sin of this world... 
**'''Original source:''' ''¿Dios? Cristo. La Virgen. Esta Guadalajara es tan rica en catedrales, tan rica en apariencias, que estoy seguro de que estas son los verdaderos cimientos de la ciudad y de su infortunio: la lluvia limpia el pecado de este mundo…''.  Baroja, J. (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p.23. 

*That's the writer's game: everything is about us.
**'''Original source:''' ''He ahí el juego del escritor: todo trata sobre nosotros''.  Baroja, J. (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p.49. 

*The closest thing to purgatory is a government agency, only the first does not exist and the second is very real.
**'''Original source:''' ''Lo más cercano al purgatorio es una dependencia del Gobierno, sólo que el primero no existe y el segundo es muy real''.  Baroja, J (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p. 29. 

*In my words, the story is a short drink, but capable of startling you for hours, something like a little shot of tequila in the middle of a game that we have voluntarily joined.
**'''Original source:''' ''En mis palabras, el cuento es un trago breve, pero capaz de sobresaltarte por horas, algo así como un caballito de tequila en medio de un juego al que voluntariamente nos hemos sumado.''. Grupo Ígneo (2020). ''El cuento es un trago breve''. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/jose-baroja-el-cuento-es-un-trago-breve/]. Retrieved may 23, 2024.

*In the end, finding the Truth will always be tiring in a world full of appearances.
**'''Original source:''' ''Encontrar la verdad siempre será fatigoso dentro de un mundo de un mundo de apariencias.''. Klairet Levy, Raquel (2023). ''Entrevista a José Baroja''. [http://letras.mysite.com/jbar050923.html]. Retrieved june 18, 2024.

*Who today asks your poem where the country is going?
**'''Original source:''' ''¿Quién hoy pregunta a tu verso hacia dónde va el país?''.  Baroja, J. (2018). &quot;Preguntas para un prefacio&quot;. En ''Mi último invierno: antología de un hombre que está cansado''. Mendoza: Editorial Equinoxio, ISBN:978-98-742740-7-6; p.9. 

*Literary art feeds on the fragility of life.
**'''Original source:''' ''... lo literario se alimenta de la fragilidad de la vida''.  Baroja, J. (2018). En ''El curioso caso de la sombra que murió como un recuerdo y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: Ediciones Oblicuas, ISBN:978-84-172694-0-1.

*Every literary work is a political act—not in the pamphleteering sense, which has done so much harm to art, but in that intimate—and sometimes devastating—way in which a phrase, an image, a character can shake the reader enough to make them doubt their own certainties. 
**'''Original source:''' ''Toda obra literaria es un acto político, no en el sentido panfletario que tanto daño ha hecho al arte, sino en ese modo íntimo, y a veces devastador, en que una frase, una imagen, un personaje pueden sacudir al lector lo suficiente como para hacerle dudar de sus propias certezas''. Grupo Ígneo (2025). ''Entrevista a José Baroja: El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos''. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/entrevista-jose-baroja-literatura/]. Retrieved june 11, 2025.

*The short story is [...] a coup de théâtre, aimed directly at the reader.
**'''Original source:''' ''El cuento es […] un golpe de efecto, directo al lector o lectora''. Albornoz, A. (2025). ''José Baroja: conoce la historia del escritor maipucino que triunfa desde México con sus cuentos''. La Voz de Maipú. [https://lavozdemaipu.cl/jose-baroja-escritor-maipucino-en-mexico/]. Retrieved june 11, 2025.

*Telling stories from the margins is a symbolic act of justice.
**'''Original source:''' ''El contar una historia desde los márgenes es una forma de justicia simbólica''. Entrevista a José Baroja: «El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos». (2025, 2 junio). Grupo Ígneo - Editorial Independiente. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/entrevista-jose-baroja-literatura/]. Retrieved september 9, 2025.

*Literature is a political act, not driven by utility, but by the essence of being human.
**'''Original source:''' ''La literatura es un acto político, que no responde a lo utilitario, sino al ser humano como tal.'' Baraja, M. (2025, 25 julio). Entrevista a José Baroja | Terra Ignota. Terra Ignota. [https://terraignotaediciones.com/entrevista-a-jose-baroja/]. Retrieved september 9, 2025.

*Truth does not justify gratuitous cruelty.
**'''Original source:''' ''La verdad no justifica la crueldad gratuita''. Clasico, M. (2025b, noviembre 26). Entrevista intrapersonal confrontada: Omar Jerez con José Baroja. Mundoclasico.com. [https://www.mundoclasico.com/articulo/45227/entrevista-intrapersonal-confrontada-omar-jerez-con-jose-baroja]. Retrieved december 10, 2025.

*The danger is that a moment may come when we forget that school existed to think about what no business can afford to ask.
**'''Original source:''' ''El peligro es que llegue un momento en que olvidemos que la escuela existía para pensar aquello que ninguna empresa puede permitirse preguntar.''. Cuando la escuela dejó de pensar. By José Baroja. (2026b, mayo 25). Le Monde Diplomatique. [https://www.lemondediplomatique.cl/cuando-la-escuela-dejo-de-pensar-por-jose-baroja.html]. Retrieved may 27, 2026.

*When everything must be measured, thinking becomes suspicious.
**'''Original source:''' ''Cuando todo debe medirse, pensar se vuelve sospechoso.''. Cuando la escuela dejó de pensar. By José Baroja. (2026b, mayo 25). Le Monde Diplomatique. [https://www.lemondediplomatique.cl/cuando-la-escuela-dejo-de-pensar-por-jose-baroja.html]. Retrieved may 27, 2026.

*Collective tragedies are not always consolidated through silence or denial. Sometimes they take hold in a far subtler way: when we learn to live with them without allowing them to significantly alter our priorities, our forms of attention, or our sensitivity to the suffering of others.
**'''Original source:''' ''Las tragedias colectivas no siempre se consolidan mediante el silencio o la negación. A veces lo hacen de una manera mucho más sutil: cuando aprendemos a convivir con ellas sin permitir que alteren de forma significativa nuestras prioridades, nuestras formas de atención o nuestra sensibilidad frente al sufrimiento ajeno.''. Cuando una ciudad aprende a convivir con sus desaparecidos Mundial, memoria y desaparición en la Guadalajara de 2026. (2026, 10 junio). Zona Docs. https://www.zonadocs.mx/2026/06/10/cuando-una-ciudad-aprende-a-convivir-con-sus-desaparecidos-mundial-memoria-y-desaparicion-en-la-guadalajara-de-2026/. Retrieved june 11, 2026.

*A society is defined not only by the image it projects to the world, but also by the lives it refuses to abandon.
**'''Original source:''' ''Una sociedad no se define únicamente por la imagen que proyecta al mundo, sino también por las vidas que se niega a abandonar.''. Cuando una ciudad aprende a convivir con sus desaparecidos Mundial, memoria y desaparición en la Guadalajara de 2026. (2026, 10 junio). Zona Docs. https://www.zonadocs.mx/2026/06/10/cuando-una-ciudad-aprende-a-convivir-con-sus-desaparecidos-mundial-memoria-y-desaparicion-en-la-guadalajara-de-2026/. Retrieved june 11, 2026.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Baroja, José}}
[[Category:Academics from Chile]]
[[Category:Poets from Chile]]
[[Category:Short story writers]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:Editors]]
[[Category:1983 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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'''[[w:José Baroja|José Baroja]]''' (born Valdivia, September 4th, 1983) is a [[Chile|Chilean]] writer, academic and editor.

== Quotes ==

* I think that living only from writing is a privilege, in economic terms, that only some writers have achieved and to which, probably, all authors aspire: a difficult goal that is not impossible.
** '''Original source:''' ''Pienso que vivir solo de la escritura es un privilegio, en términos económicos, que solo algunos escritores y escritoras han conseguido y al que, probablemente, todos los autores aspiramos: una meta difícil que no imposible''. Cazas Fernández, A. (2022). &quot;La escritura le aportó sentido, coherencia e identidad a mi vida&quot;. En ''Correo Gallego''. [https://www.elcorreogallego.es/el-correo-2/la-escritura-le-aporto-sentido-coherencia-e-identidad-a-mi-vida-AP10794051]. Retrieved June 16, 2022.

* For a writer, life must be the focus that death illuminates daily.
** '''Original source:'''  ''Para un escritor la vida debe ser el foco que la muerte ilumina a diario''. Zárate, Y. (2019). &quot;José Baroja&quot;. En revista ''Momentos Ahora o nunca''. Número 139. Tlaxcala, México; p. 24.

* It is often said that children do not read. Well, I'd say that if adults don't start reading, it's not fair to accuse little ones of not reading. They must see us with a book in our hands.
** '''Original source:''' ''Mucho se dice que los niños no leen. Bueno, yo diría que si los adultos no comienzan a hacerlo, no es justo acusar a los más pequeños de no leer. Ellos deben vernos con un libro entre las manos''. Trujillo, E. (2018). &quot;Promover la lectura es una responsabilidad moral de los escritores: José Baroja&quot;. En ''Perú Informa''. [http://www.peruinforma.com/entrevista-cultural-al-escritor-chileno-jose-baroja/#:~:text=Hablar%20del%20escritor%20chileno%20Jos%C3%A9,en%20Letras%2C%20menci%C3%B3n%20en%20Literatura.]. Retrieved June 17, 2022.

*Why walk with half measures, animals know much more than people, above all because they feel more freely than most of these and, therefore, as Kafka says, they are possessors of all the knowledge about this life. They are just too humble to show it off.
**'''Original source:''' ''Para qué andar con medias tintas, los animales saben mucho más que las personas, ante todo porque sienten con más libertad que la mayoría de estas y, por ello, como dice Kafka, son poseedores de todo el conocimiento acerca de esta vida. Solo que son muy humildes para hacer gala de ello''.  Baroja, José. (2020). &quot;Orfeo&quot;. En ''El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos''. Lima: Ediquid, ISBN:978-980-7641-67-8; p. 40.

*The memory is like the wind, sometimes warm, gentle and prone to a smile, sometimes violent, merciless and unwelcome. The memory looks like the wind, period, and that explains why the wind can bring with it the memory.
**'''Original source:''' ''El recuerdo se parece al viento, a veces cálido, gentil y proclive a una sonrisa, a veces violento, inmisericorde e inoportuno. El recuerdo se parece al viento, punto, y eso explica por qué el viento puede traer consigo el recuerdo.''. Baroja, J. (2020). ''Viento y lluvia en Ciudad de México''. [http://letras.mysite.com/jbar011120.html.]. Retrieved July 1, 2022.

*No one said this would be easy (...) Writing is not. Do not forget that the pen is the tool, yes, but art must be born from you, from your readings...
**'''Original source:''' ''Nadie dijo que esto sería fácil (...) Escribir no lo es. No olvides que la pluma es la herramienta, sí, pero el arte debe nacer desde ti, desde tus lecturas...''.  Baroja, J. (2022). ''Guarnieri''. [http://www.elguardatextos.com/2022/07/guarnieri.html]. Retrieved July 19, 2022.

*It's payday, reason enough for customers to cram every space in the venue looking for a beer. Today there is money ergo there is drink. Bibere ergosum.
**'''Original source:''' ''Es día de pago, razón suficiente para que los clientes atiborren cada espacio del local en busca de una cerveza. Hoy hay dinero ergo hay trago. Bibere ergo sum.''.  Baroja, J. (2023). ''Reflejo''. [http://www.elguardatextos.com/2023/06/reflejo.html]. Retrieved June 20, 2023.

*God? Christ. The Virgin. This Guadalajara is so rich in cathedrals, so rich in appearances, that I am sure that these are the true foundations of the city and its misfortune: the rain washes away the sin of this world... 
**'''Original source:''' ''¿Dios? Cristo. La Virgen. Esta Guadalajara es tan rica en catedrales, tan rica en apariencias, que estoy seguro de que estas son los verdaderos cimientos de la ciudad y de su infortunio: la lluvia limpia el pecado de este mundo…''.  Baroja, J. (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p.23. 

*That's the writer's game: everything is about us.
**'''Original source:''' ''He ahí el juego del escritor: todo trata sobre nosotros''.  Baroja, J. (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p.49. 

*The closest thing to purgatory is a government agency, only the first does not exist and the second is very real.
**'''Original source:''' ''Lo más cercano al purgatorio es una dependencia del Gobierno, sólo que el primero no existe y el segundo es muy real''.  Baroja, J (2023). &quot;Sueño en Guadalajara&quot;. En En ''Sueño en Guadalajara y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: TerraIgnota Ediciones, ISBN:978-84-126743-5-4; p. 29. 

*In my words, the story is a short drink, but capable of startling you for hours, something like a little shot of tequila in the middle of a game that we have voluntarily joined.
**'''Original source:''' ''En mis palabras, el cuento es un trago breve, pero capaz de sobresaltarte por horas, algo así como un caballito de tequila en medio de un juego al que voluntariamente nos hemos sumado.''. Grupo Ígneo (2020). ''El cuento es un trago breve''. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/jose-baroja-el-cuento-es-un-trago-breve/]. Retrieved may 23, 2024.

*In the end, finding the Truth will always be tiring in a world full of appearances.
**'''Original source:''' ''Encontrar la verdad siempre será fatigoso dentro de un mundo de un mundo de apariencias.''. Klairet Levy, Raquel (2023). ''Entrevista a José Baroja''. [http://letras.mysite.com/jbar050923.html]. Retrieved june 18, 2024.

*Who today asks your poem where the country is going?
**'''Original source:''' ''¿Quién hoy pregunta a tu verso hacia dónde va el país?''.  Baroja, J. (2018). &quot;Preguntas para un prefacio&quot;. En ''Mi último invierno: antología de un hombre que está cansado''. Mendoza: Editorial Equinoxio, ISBN:978-98-742740-7-6; p.9. 

*Literary art feeds on the fragility of life.
**'''Original source:''' ''... lo literario se alimenta de la fragilidad de la vida''.  Baroja, J. (2018). En ''El curioso caso de la sombra que murió como un recuerdo y otros cuentos''. Barcelona: Ediciones Oblicuas, ISBN:978-84-172694-0-1.

*Every literary work is a political act—not in the pamphleteering sense, which has done so much harm to art, but in that intimate—and sometimes devastating—way in which a phrase, an image, a character can shake the reader enough to make them doubt their own certainties. 
**'''Original source:''' ''Toda obra literaria es un acto político, no en el sentido panfletario que tanto daño ha hecho al arte, sino en ese modo íntimo, y a veces devastador, en que una frase, una imagen, un personaje pueden sacudir al lector lo suficiente como para hacerle dudar de sus propias certezas''. Grupo Ígneo (2025). ''Entrevista a José Baroja: El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos''. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/entrevista-jose-baroja-literatura/]. Retrieved june 11, 2025.

*The short story is [...] a coup de théâtre, aimed directly at the reader.
**'''Original source:''' ''El cuento es […] un golpe de efecto, directo al lector o lectora''. Albornoz, A. (2025). ''José Baroja: conoce la historia del escritor maipucino que triunfa desde México con sus cuentos''. La Voz de Maipú. [https://lavozdemaipu.cl/jose-baroja-escritor-maipucino-en-mexico/]. Retrieved june 11, 2025.

*Telling stories from the margins is a symbolic act of justice.
**'''Original source:''' ''El contar una historia desde los márgenes es una forma de justicia simbólica''. Entrevista a José Baroja: «El lado oscuro de la sombra y otros ladridos». (2025, 2 junio). Grupo Ígneo - Editorial Independiente. [https://grupoigneo.com/blog/entrevista-jose-baroja-literatura/]. Retrieved september 9, 2025.

*Literature is a political act, not driven by utility, but by the essence of being human.
**'''Original source:''' ''La literatura es un acto político, que no responde a lo utilitario, sino al ser humano como tal.'' Baraja, M. (2025, 25 julio). Entrevista a José Baroja | Terra Ignota. Terra Ignota. [https://terraignotaediciones.com/entrevista-a-jose-baroja/]. Retrieved september 9, 2025.

*Truth does not justify gratuitous cruelty.
**'''Original source:''' ''La verdad no justifica la crueldad gratuita''. Clasico, M. (2025b, noviembre 26). Entrevista intrapersonal confrontada: Omar Jerez con José Baroja. Mundoclasico.com. [https://www.mundoclasico.com/articulo/45227/entrevista-intrapersonal-confrontada-omar-jerez-con-jose-baroja]. Retrieved december 10, 2025.

*The danger is that a moment may come when we forget that school existed to think about what no business can afford to ask.
**'''Original source:''' ''El peligro es que llegue un momento en que olvidemos que la escuela existía para pensar aquello que ninguna empresa puede permitirse preguntar.''. Cuando la escuela dejó de pensar. By José Baroja. (2026b, mayo 25). Le Monde Diplomatique. [https://www.lemondediplomatique.cl/cuando-la-escuela-dejo-de-pensar-por-jose-baroja.html]. Retrieved may 27, 2026.

*When everything must be measured, thinking becomes suspicious.
**'''Original source:''' ''Cuando todo debe medirse, pensar se vuelve sospechoso.''. Cuando la escuela dejó de pensar. By José Baroja. (2026b, mayo 25). Le Monde Diplomatique. [https://www.lemondediplomatique.cl/cuando-la-escuela-dejo-de-pensar-por-jose-baroja.html]. Retrieved may 27, 2026.

*Collective tragedies are not always consolidated through silence or denial. Sometimes they take hold in a far subtler way: when we learn to live with them without allowing them to significantly alter our priorities, our forms of attention, or our sensitivity to the suffering of others.
**'''Original source:''' ''Las tragedias colectivas no siempre se consolidan mediante el silencio o la negación. A veces lo hacen de una manera mucho más sutil: cuando aprendemos a convivir con ellas sin permitir que alteren de forma significativa nuestras prioridades, nuestras formas de atención o nuestra sensibilidad frente al sufrimiento ajeno.''. Cuando una ciudad aprende a convivir con sus desaparecidos Mundial, memoria y desaparición en la Guadalajara de 2026. (2026, 10 junio). Zona Docs. [https://www.zonadocs.mx/2026/06/10/cuando-una-ciudad-aprende-a-convivir-con-sus-desaparecidos-mundial-memoria-y-desaparicion-en-la-guadalajara-de-2026]. Retrieved june 11, 2026.

*A society is defined not only by the image it projects to the world, but also by the lives it refuses to abandon.
**'''Original source:''' ''Una sociedad no se define únicamente por la imagen que proyecta al mundo, sino también por las vidas que se niega a abandonar.''. Cuando una ciudad aprende a convivir con sus desaparecidos Mundial, memoria y desaparición en la Guadalajara de 2026. (2026, 10 junio). Zona Docs. [https://www.zonadocs.mx/2026/06/10/cuando-una-ciudad-aprende-a-convivir-con-sus-desaparecidos-mundial-memoria-y-desaparicion-en-la-guadalajara-de-2026]. Retrieved june 11, 2026.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Baroja, José}}
[[Category:Academics from Chile]]
[[Category:Poets from Chile]]
[[Category:Short story writers]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:Editors]]
[[Category:1983 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>85rnd1bw6wwe811pdxm19mxe565njwr</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>The Busy World of Richard Scarry</title>
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'''''[[w:The Busy World of Richard Scarry|The Busy World of Richard Scarry]]''''' (1993-1996 (produced); 1994-1997 (aired)) is a English-French-Chinese-German-Italian language American-Canadian-Quebecois-French-Mandarin Chinese-Chinese-German-British-Italian 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, hand-painted, hand-colored cel animation)) television series based on the books by Richard Scarry. The show was produced, and co-produced by CINAR Productions, a subsidiary of CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, Shanghai Animation Film Studio in China, and Mainland China, Beta Film in Germany, Jumbo Pictures (1994-1995), CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television in the United States, and was distributed by CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, and CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television, and Random House in the United States, and was aired on Showtime (1994-1997), CBS (CBS Toontastic TV) (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) (1995-1997) in English, in the United States, The Family Channel in English, in Canada, and Le Canal Famille/Canal Famille in French, in Canada, and Quebec, France 3 (1994-1995), Canal J (1994-1995), TF1 (1996-1997), and France 5 (1996-1997) in French, in France, Shanghai Television (1994-1995) , and CCTV (1996-1997) in Chinese, and Mandarin Chinese, in China, and Mainland China, BBC (Children's BBC/CBBC) (1994-1995), and ITV (Children's ITV/CITV) (1996-1997) in English, in the United Kingdom, and Canale 5 (1994-1995), and RAIUNO (1995-1997) in Italian, in Italy, and was debuted on March 9, 1994, and ended on March 29, 1996. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.


==Season 1 (1994)==

===''The Talking Bread / Couscous, the North African Detective / The Three Fishermen'' [1.1]===

===''The Best Birthday Present Ever / Patrick Pig Learns to Talk / Grouchy Mr. Gronkle'' [1.2]===
:''[The cuckoo clock has been accidentally fixed with the bike bell sound]''
:'''Huckle''': Hey, that's my bike bell!
:'''Fiona''': It's a wonderful present.

===''The Busiest Firefighters Ever / Manuel of Mexico / The Biggest Catch Ever'' [1.3]===
:'''Smokey ''': ''[realizes his firefighters accidentally extinguished a barbecue]'' Uh oh.
:'''Father''': Excuse me, but aren't barbecues allowed in Busytown?

===''Mr. Raccoon's Different Day / Mario, the Venetian Gondolier / The Best Babysitter Ever'' [1.4]===

===''The Best Mistake Ever / Sneef, the Best Detective in Europe / Camping Out'' [1.5]===

===''Mr. Frumble's New Cars / Ernst and Heidi in the Alps / Billy Dog's Bad Day'' [1.6]===
:'''Mr. Frumble''': I guess I'll go now.
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': Mr. Frumble...
:'''Mr. Frumble''': Yes? ''[he has accidentally taken Sergeant Murphy's motorcycle]''
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': That's my motorcycle!

===''The Snowstorm / Professor Dig and His Egyptian Mummy / The Treasure Hunt'' [1.7]===
:'''Hilda''': Everyone's afraid to play with me. I'm just too strong.
:'''Miss Honey''': Your strength is a gift. You just need to learn how to use it.

===''The Missing Bananas / Good Luck in Rome / The Accident'' [1.8]===

===''A Trip to the Moon / Pip Pip Goes to London / Floating Bananas'' [1.9]===

===''Hat Pie / Hans, the Dutch Plumber / Hilda's Romantic Tea Party'' [1.10]===

===''A Big Operation / Cucumber, the African Photographer / Summer Picnic'' [1.11]===
:'''Lowly''': Well, if I have my tonsils out... ''[eats Huck's ice cream]'' Mmm mmm! You can eat my ice cream, okay?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lowly''': Well, sometimes the things you don't plan turn out to be the most fun of all.

===''Sergeant Murphy's Day Off / Schmudge, the German Chimney Sweep / The Sleeping Car Adventure'' [1.12]===
:'''Bridget''': Daddy, you're the best father and policeman ever.

===''Busytown Regatta / Schtoompah, the Funny Austrian / Busytown Soap Box Derby'' [1.13]===

==Season 2 (1995)==

===''The Big Story / Couscous in Gibraltar / The Firefighter's Ball'' [2.1]===

===''The Field Trip / The Great Pie Robbery / Clean Garage'' [2.2]===

===''Captain Willy and the Pirates / Flying Noodles / Roughing It'' [2.3]===

===''Young Vikings / Sneef Saves the Queen / Hilda the Director'' [2.4]===

===''High Flyers / Steamboat Mystery / The Best Waiters Ever'' [2.5]===

===''The Big Move / Sneef in Russia / Mr. Frumble Gets a Job'' [2.6]===

===''Ambulance Cake / The Supermarket Mystery / Big Trouble for Bananas Gorilla'' [2.7]===

===''Sergeant Murphy's Deputy / Couscous in the Sahara / New Friend on the Block'' [2.8]===
:'''Cassie''': Well, all I can say is it was real nice of you guys to treat me.
:'''Huckle''': Aw it was nothing. We had fun. ''[to Lowly]'' Probably a lot more fun than with the neighbor mom wanted us to meet.

===''The Biggest Storm Ever / Cucumber in Rockies / Sally's First Day at School'' [2.9]===
:'''Sally''': ''[voicing a puppet of her father]'' Sally, we've decided that you don't have to go to kindergarten. ''[voicing a puppet of her mother]'' That's right, you can stay home with me forever.

===''No Time for Bananas / Sneef in India / Sally Cat's First Trip'' [2.10]===

===''Grand Hotel / Couscous on the Nile / Cat Family Ski Trip'' [2.11]===

===''Lowly Breaks His Leg / Cucumber in Machuu Pichuu / The Plight of Penelope Parakeet'' [2.12]===

===''A Newspaper Mom / Cucumber in Rio / Donut Raffle'' [2.13]===

==Season 3 (1995)==

===''The Knights of Busytown / Cave Pigs / Bucketman in Busytown'' [3.1]===

===''Billy Dog Gets Glasses / Cordelia's Debut / Lowly Joins the Circus'' [3.2]===

===''The Big Dare / Oliver's Sandwich / Pig Will Won't'' [3.3]===

===''The Best Birthday Party Ever / Martha's First Book / Locked Out'' [3.4]===
:'''Lynnie''': It's the best birthday party...
:'''All''': ...ever!

===''Dad's Neat Job / The Discovery of America / Mr. Gronkle's Friends'' [3.5]===

===''Denys at Camp / Peasant Pig's Gifts / Little Fixit'' [3.6]===

===''The School Dance / The First Olympics / Hilda for President'' [3.7]===

===''Mr. Frumble's Brother / Viking Pigs / The Perfect Wedding'' [3.8]===

===''A Tough Test / The First Pyramid / The Big Date'' [3.9]===

===''Inventor of the Year / Macaroni Polo / Lone Wolf at the Lighthouse'' [3.10]===

===''Fun-Time Riddle Race / The First Balloon / Billy Dog's Space Rock'' [3.11]===

===''The Best Amusement Park Ever / The First Bridge / Say Cheese, Please!'' [3.12]===

===''Has Anyone Seen My Book? / P.J. Pig's Brave Day / Vanderbuilt's New Shoes'' [3.13]===

==Season 4 (1995)==

===''The Perfect Gentleman / The Best Painter Ever / The Best Day for Dennis'' [4.1]===

===''A Trip Back in Time / Home Sweet Home / P.S. Pig's Special Friend'' [4.2]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Magnet Machine / Sneef and Sniff at the Opera / Mr. Gronkle Won't Mind'' [4.3]===

===''Peter's Visit / The First Skis Ever / Stage Fright'' [4.4]===

===''End of the Rainbow / A Signal for Peng / Mr. Frumble's Birthday Party'' [4.5]===

===''Bananas the Magician / The First Horseless Carriage / Princess Hilda'' [4.6]===

===''Daylight Savings Time / Eager Beaver's Clever Game / The Pickle Car Wash'' [4.7]===

===''Triple A Deliveries / Stanley's Amazing Photo / Lost in the Swamp'' [4.8]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Super Submarine / Cahuchu's Magic Tree / Mr. Bean's Restaurant'' [4.9]===

===''The Best Christmas Present Ever / Abe and Babe's Christmas Lesson / Sally Cat's Christmas Dream'' [4.10]===

===''The Best Car Trip Ever / Earnest's Dish You Can Eat / Cousin Ross'' [4.11]===

===''Fill'er Up Scotty / Niagara Falls Mystery / Helper's Helper'' [4.12]===

===''Who's Afraid of the Big Eclipse / Hold Your Breath! / Pumpkin Heads'' [4.13]===

==Season 5 (1996-1997)==

===''The Mole Machine / The Royal Game of Dennis / Now That's Progress'' [5.1]===

===''Superstitious Bananas / Pépé le Gangstaire / Drive-Through Movie'' [5.2]===

===''King and Queen for a Day / The Piggy Express / Practice Makes Prefect'' [5.3]===

===''The Winners / No More Games, Manuel! / We Won't Go to the Doctor!'' [5.4]===

===''Never Too Small / Albert, the Belgian Barge Captain / Rainy Day'' [5.5]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Comes to Stay / Leo-pardo's Smile / Blooming Busytown'' [5.6]===

===''Match-Makers / Forget-bur Never Forgets / Toof Trouble'' [5.7]===

===''The New Neighbors / The First Halloween Ever / Now I Know My One, Two, Threes!'' [5.8]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Moves Away / Counting Chickens / The Spelling Bee'' [5.9]===
:'''Billy''': Okay, responsibility. R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.
:'''Billy's mom''': That's great! Now what does it mean?
:'''Billy''': To be in charge of something important where people count on.

===''Huckle's Feathery Friends / The First Valentine Ever / The Sleepover'' [5.10]===

===''Count on Us! / The First Easter Egg Ever / Be My Valentine'' [5.11]===

===''The Mystery of the Stone Circle / The Big Apple Christmas Caper / Who's too Scared to Masquerade?'' [5.12]===

===''A Message in a Bottle / Santa Needs Help / There Really is an Easter Bunny'' [5.13]===

:''[final lines of the series]''
:'''Fiona''': And here it is. Anyone for apple pie?
:'''Sailor Shane''': Mmm, this is certainly one treasure that's worth burying.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Showtime shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:The Busy World of Richard Scarry|The Busy World of Richard Scarry]]''''' (1993-1996 (produced); 1994-1997 (aired)) is a English-French-Chinese-German-Italian language American-Canadian-Quebecois-French-Mandarin Chinese-Chinese-German-British-Italian 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, hand-painted, hand-colored cel animation)) television series based on the books by Richard Scarry. The show was produced, and co-produced by CINAR Productions, a subsidiary of CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, Shanghai Animation Film Studio in China, and Mainland China, Beta Film in Germany, Jumbo Pictures (1994-1995), CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television in the United States, and was distributed by CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, and CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television, and Random House in the United States, and was aired on Showtime (1994-1997), CBS (CBS Toontastic TV) (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) (1995-1997) in English, in the United States, The Family Channel in English, in Canada, and Le Canal Famille/Canal Famille in French, in Canada, and Quebec, France 3 (1994-1995), Canal J (1994-1995), TF1 (1996-1997), and France 5 (1996-1997) in French, in France, Shanghai Television (1994-1995) , and CCTV (1996-1997) in Chinese, and Mandarin Chinese, in China, and Mainland China, BBC (Children's BBC/CBBC) (1994-1995), and ITV (Children's ITV/CITV) (1996-1997) in English, in the United Kingdom, and Canale 5 (1994-1995), and RAIUNO (1995-1997) in Italian, in Italy, and was debuted on March 9, 1994, and ended on March 29, 1996. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.


==Season 1 (1994)==

===''The Talking Bread / Couscous, the North African Detective / The Three Fishermen'' [1.1]===

===''The Best Birthday Present Ever / Patrick Pig Learns to Talk / Grouchy Mr. Gronkle'' [1.2]===
:''[The cuckoo clock has been accidentally fixed with the bike bell sound]''
:'''Huckle''': Hey, that's my bike bell!
:'''Fiona''': It's a wonderful present.

===''The Busiest Firefighters Ever / Manuel of Mexico / The Biggest Catch Ever'' [1.3]===
:'''Smokey ''': ''[realizes his firefighters accidentally extinguished a barbecue]'' Uh oh.
:'''Father''': Excuse me, but aren't barbecues allowed in Busytown?

===''Mr. Raccoon's Different Day / Mario, the Venetian Gondolier / The Best Babysitter Ever'' [1.4]===

===''The Best Mistake Ever / Sneef, the Best Detective in Europe / Camping Out'' [1.5]===

===''Mr. Frumble's New Cars / Ernst and Heidi in the Alps / Billy Dog's Bad Day'' [1.6]===
:'''Mr. Frumble''': I guess I'll go now.
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': Mr. Frumble...
:'''Mr. Frumble''': Yes? ''[he has accidentally taken Sergeant Murphy's motorcycle]''
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': That's my motorcycle!

===''The Snowstorm / Professor Dig and His Egyptian Mummy / The Treasure Hunt'' [1.7]===
:'''Hilda''': Everyone's afraid to play with me. I'm just too strong.
:'''Miss Honey''': Your strength is a gift. You just need to learn how to use it.

===''The Missing Bananas / Good Luck in Rome / The Accident'' [1.8]===

===''A Trip to the Moon / Pip Pip Goes to London / Floating Bananas'' [1.9]===

===''Hat Pie / Hans, the Dutch Plumber / Hilda's Romantic Tea Party'' [1.10]===

===''A Big Operation / Cucumber, the African Photographer / Summer Picnic'' [1.11]===
:'''Lowly''': Well, if I have my tonsils out... ''[eats Huck's ice cream]'' Mmm mmm! You can eat my ice cream, okay?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lowly''': Well, sometimes the things you don't plan turn out to be the most fun of all.

===''Sergeant Murphy's Day Off / Schmudge, the German Chimney Sweep / The Sleeping Car Adventure'' [1.12]===
:'''Bridget''': Daddy, you're the best father and policeman ever.

===''Busytown Regatta / Schtoompah, the Funny Austrian / Busytown Soap Box Derby'' [1.13]===

==Season 2 (1995)==

===''The Big Story / Couscous in Gibraltar / The Firefighter's Ball'' [2.1]===

===''The Field Trip / The Great Pie Robbery / Clean Garage'' [2.2]===

===''Captain Willy and the Pirates / Flying Noodles / Roughing It'' [2.3]===

===''Young Vikings / Sneef Saves the Queen / Hilda the Director'' [2.4]===

===''High Flyers / Steamboat Mystery / The Best Waiters Ever'' [2.5]===

===''The Big Move / Sneef in Russia / Mr. Frumble Gets a Job'' [2.6]===

===''Ambulance Cake / The Supermarket Mystery / Big Trouble for Bananas Gorilla'' [2.7]===

===''Sergeant Murphy's Deputy / Couscous in the Sahara / New Friend on the Block'' [2.8]===
:'''Cassie''': Well, all I can say is it was real nice of you guys to treat me.
:'''Huckle''': Aw it was nothing. We had fun. ''[to Lowly]'' Probably a lot more fun than with the neighbor mom wanted us to meet.

===''The Biggest Storm Ever / Cucumber in Rockies / Sally's First Day at School'' [2.9]===
:'''Sally''': ''[voicing a puppet of her father]'' Sally, we've decided that you don't have to go to kindergarten. ''[voicing a puppet of her mother]'' That's right, you can stay home with me forever.

===''No Time for Bananas / Sneef in India / Sally Cat's First Trip'' [2.10]===

===''Grand Hotel / Couscous on the Nile / Cat Family Ski Trip'' [2.11]===

===''Lowly Breaks His Leg / Cucumber in Machuu Pichuu / The Plight of Penelope Parakeet'' [2.12]===

===''A Newspaper Mom / Cucumber in Rio / Donut Raffle'' [2.13]===

==Season 3 (1995)==

===''The Knights of Busytown / Cave Pigs / Bucketman in Busytown'' [3.1]===

===''Billy Dog Gets Glasses / Cordelia's Debut / Lowly Joins the Circus'' [3.2]===

===''The Big Dare / Oliver's Sandwich / Pig Will Won't'' [3.3]===

===''The Best Birthday Party Ever / Martha's First Book / Locked Out'' [3.4]===
:'''Lynnie''': It's the best birthday party...
:'''All''': ...ever!

===''Dad's Neat Job / The Discovery of America / Mr. Gronkle's Friends'' [3.5]===

===''Denys at Camp / Peasant Pig's Gifts / Little Fixit'' [3.6]===

===''The School Dance / The First Olympics / Hilda for President'' [3.7]===

===''Mr. Frumble's Brother / Viking Pigs / The Perfect Wedding'' [3.8]===

===''A Tough Test / The First Pyramid / The Big Date'' [3.9]===

===''Inventor of the Year / Macaroni Polo / Lone Wolf at the Lighthouse'' [3.10]===

===''Fun-Time Riddle Race / The First Balloon / Billy Dog's Space Rock'' [3.11]===

===''The Best Amusement Park Ever / The First Bridge / Say Cheese, Please!'' [3.12]===

===''Has Anyone Seen My Book? / P.J. Pig's Brave Day / Vanderbuilt's New Shoes'' [3.13]===

==Season 4 (1995)==

===''The Perfect Gentleman / The Best Painter Ever / The Best Day for Dennis'' [4.1]===

===''A Trip Back in Time / Home Sweet Home / P.S. Pig's Special Friend'' [4.2]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Magnet Machine / Sneef and Sniff at the Opera / Mr. Gronkle Won't Mind'' [4.3]===

===''Peter's Visit / The First Skis Ever / Stage Fright'' [4.4]===

===''End of the Rainbow / A Signal for Peng / Mr. Frumble's Birthday Party'' [4.5]===

===''Bananas the Magician / The First Horseless Carriage / Princess Hilda'' [4.6]===

===''Daylight Savings Time / Eager Beaver's Clever Game / The Pickle Car Wash'' [4.7]===

===''Triple A Deliveries / Stanley's Amazing Photo / Lost in the Swamp'' [4.8]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Super Submarine / Cahuchu's Magic Tree / Mr. Bean's Restaurant'' [4.9]===

===''The Best Christmas Present Ever / Abe and Babe's Christmas Lesson / Sally Cat's Christmas Dream'' [4.10]===

===''The Best Car Trip Ever / Earnest's Dish You Can Eat / Cousin Ross'' [4.11]===

===''Fill'er Up Scotty / Niagara Falls Mystery / Helper's Helper'' [4.12]===

===''Who's Afraid of the Big Eclipse / Hold Your Breath! / Pumpkin Heads'' [4.13]===

==Season 5 (1996-1997)==

===''The Mole Machine / The Royal Game of Dennis / Now That's Progress'' [5.1]===

===''Superstitious Bananas / Pépé le Gangstaire / Drive-Through Movie'' [5.2]===

===''King and Queen for a Day / The Piggy Express / Practice Makes Prefect'' [5.3]===

===''The Winners / No More Games, Manuel! / We Won't Go to the Doctor!'' [5.4]===

===''Never Too Small / Albert, the Belgian Barge Captain / Rainy Day'' [5.5]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Comes to Stay / Leo-pardo's Smile / Blooming Busytown'' [5.6]===

===''Match-Makers / Forget-bur Never Forgets / Toof Trouble'' [5.7]===

===''The New Neighbors / The First Halloween Ever / Now I Know My One, Two, Threes!'' [5.8]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Moves Away / Counting Chickens / The Spelling Bee'' [5.9]===
:'''Billy''': Okay, responsibility. R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.
:'''Billy's mom''': That's great! Now what does it mean?
:'''Billy''': To be in charge of something important where people count on.

===''Huckle's Feathery Friends / The First Valentine Ever / The Sleepover'' [5.10]===

===''Count on Us! / The First Easter Egg Ever / Be My Valentine'' [5.11]===

===''The Mystery of the Stone Circle / The Big Apple Christmas Caper / Who's too Scared to Masquerade?'' [5.12]===

===''A Message in a Bottle / Santa Needs Help / There Really is an Easter Bunny'' [5.13]===

:''[final lines of the series]''
:'''Fiona''': And here it is. Anyone for apple pie?
:'''Sailor Shane''': Mmm, this is certainly one treasure that's worth burying.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Showtime shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951838</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:10:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
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'''''[[w:The Busy World of Richard Scarry|The Busy World of Richard Scarry]]''''' (1993-1996 (produced); 1994-1997 (aired)) is a English-French-Chinese-German-Italian language American-Canadian-Quebecois-French-Mandarin Chinese-Chinese-German-British-Italian 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (traditional, hand-inked, hand-painted, hand-colored cel animation)) television series based on the books by Richard Scarry. The show was produced, and co-produced by CINAR Productions, a subsidiary of CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, Shanghai Animation Film Studio in China, and Mainland China, Beta Film in Germany, Jumbo Pictures (1994-1995), CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television in the United States, and was distributed by CINAR (CINAR Films) in Canada, and Quebec, France Animation (1994-1995)/Antefilms (1996-1997) in France, and CBS Entertainment Productions (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions) (1995-1997), Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions) (1995-1997), and Games Animation (1995-1997), and Paramount Pictures, and Paramount Television, and Random House in the United States, and was aired on Showtime (1994-1997), CBS (CBS Toontastic TV) (1994-1995), Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) (1995-1997) in English, in the United States, The Family Channel in English, in Canada, and Le Canal Famille/Canal Famille in French, in Canada, and Quebec, France 3 (1994-1995), Canal J (1994-1995), TF1 (1996-1997), and France 5 (1996-1997) in French, in France, Shanghai Television (1994-1995) , and CCTV (1996-1997) in Chinese, and Mandarin Chinese, in China, and Mainland China, BBC (Children's BBC/CBBC) (1994-1995), and ITV (Children's ITV/CITV) (1996-1997) in English, in the United Kingdom, and Canale 5 (1994-1995), and RAIUNO (1995-1997) in Italian, in Italy, and was debuted on March 9, 1994, and ended on March 29, 1996. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Season 1 (1994)==

===''The Talking Bread / Couscous, the North African Detective / The Three Fishermen'' [1.1]===

===''The Best Birthday Present Ever / Patrick Pig Learns to Talk / Grouchy Mr. Gronkle'' [1.2]===
:''[The cuckoo clock has been accidentally fixed with the bike bell sound]''
:'''Huckle''': Hey, that's my bike bell!
:'''Fiona''': It's a wonderful present.

===''The Busiest Firefighters Ever / Manuel of Mexico / The Biggest Catch Ever'' [1.3]===
:'''Smokey ''': ''[realizes his firefighters accidentally extinguished a barbecue]'' Uh oh.
:'''Father''': Excuse me, but aren't barbecues allowed in Busytown?

===''Mr. Raccoon's Different Day / Mario, the Venetian Gondolier / The Best Babysitter Ever'' [1.4]===

===''The Best Mistake Ever / Sneef, the Best Detective in Europe / Camping Out'' [1.5]===

===''Mr. Frumble's New Cars / Ernst and Heidi in the Alps / Billy Dog's Bad Day'' [1.6]===
:'''Mr. Frumble''': I guess I'll go now.
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': Mr. Frumble...
:'''Mr. Frumble''': Yes? ''[he has accidentally taken Sergeant Murphy's motorcycle]''
:'''Sergeant Murphy''': That's my motorcycle!

===''The Snowstorm / Professor Dig and His Egyptian Mummy / The Treasure Hunt'' [1.7]===
:'''Hilda''': Everyone's afraid to play with me. I'm just too strong.
:'''Miss Honey''': Your strength is a gift. You just need to learn how to use it.

===''The Missing Bananas / Good Luck in Rome / The Accident'' [1.8]===

===''A Trip to the Moon / Pip Pip Goes to London / Floating Bananas'' [1.9]===

===''Hat Pie / Hans, the Dutch Plumber / Hilda's Romantic Tea Party'' [1.10]===

===''A Big Operation / Cucumber, the African Photographer / Summer Picnic'' [1.11]===
:'''Lowly''': Well, if I have my tonsils out... ''[eats Huck's ice cream]'' Mmm mmm! You can eat my ice cream, okay?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lowly''': Well, sometimes the things you don't plan turn out to be the most fun of all.

===''Sergeant Murphy's Day Off / Schmudge, the German Chimney Sweep / The Sleeping Car Adventure'' [1.12]===
:'''Bridget''': Daddy, you're the best father and policeman ever.

===''Busytown Regatta / Schtoompah, the Funny Austrian / Busytown Soap Box Derby'' [1.13]===

==Season 2 (1995)==

===''The Big Story / Couscous in Gibraltar / The Firefighter's Ball'' [2.1]===

===''The Field Trip / The Great Pie Robbery / Clean Garage'' [2.2]===

===''Captain Willy and the Pirates / Flying Noodles / Roughing It'' [2.3]===

===''Young Vikings / Sneef Saves the Queen / Hilda the Director'' [2.4]===

===''High Flyers / Steamboat Mystery / The Best Waiters Ever'' [2.5]===

===''The Big Move / Sneef in Russia / Mr. Frumble Gets a Job'' [2.6]===

===''Ambulance Cake / The Supermarket Mystery / Big Trouble for Bananas Gorilla'' [2.7]===

===''Sergeant Murphy's Deputy / Couscous in the Sahara / New Friend on the Block'' [2.8]===
:'''Cassie''': Well, all I can say is it was real nice of you guys to treat me.
:'''Huckle''': Aw it was nothing. We had fun. ''[to Lowly]'' Probably a lot more fun than with the neighbor mom wanted us to meet.

===''The Biggest Storm Ever / Cucumber in Rockies / Sally's First Day at School'' [2.9]===
:'''Sally''': ''[voicing a puppet of her father]'' Sally, we've decided that you don't have to go to kindergarten. ''[voicing a puppet of her mother]'' That's right, you can stay home with me forever.

===''No Time for Bananas / Sneef in India / Sally Cat's First Trip'' [2.10]===

===''Grand Hotel / Couscous on the Nile / Cat Family Ski Trip'' [2.11]===

===''Lowly Breaks His Leg / Cucumber in Machuu Pichuu / The Plight of Penelope Parakeet'' [2.12]===

===''A Newspaper Mom / Cucumber in Rio / Donut Raffle'' [2.13]===

==Season 3 (1995)==

===''The Knights of Busytown / Cave Pigs / Bucketman in Busytown'' [3.1]===

===''Billy Dog Gets Glasses / Cordelia's Debut / Lowly Joins the Circus'' [3.2]===

===''The Big Dare / Oliver's Sandwich / Pig Will Won't'' [3.3]===

===''The Best Birthday Party Ever / Martha's First Book / Locked Out'' [3.4]===
:'''Lynnie''': It's the best birthday party...
:'''All''': ...ever!

===''Dad's Neat Job / The Discovery of America / Mr. Gronkle's Friends'' [3.5]===

===''Denys at Camp / Peasant Pig's Gifts / Little Fixit'' [3.6]===

===''The School Dance / The First Olympics / Hilda for President'' [3.7]===

===''Mr. Frumble's Brother / Viking Pigs / The Perfect Wedding'' [3.8]===

===''A Tough Test / The First Pyramid / The Big Date'' [3.9]===

===''Inventor of the Year / Macaroni Polo / Lone Wolf at the Lighthouse'' [3.10]===

===''Fun-Time Riddle Race / The First Balloon / Billy Dog's Space Rock'' [3.11]===

===''The Best Amusement Park Ever / The First Bridge / Say Cheese, Please!'' [3.12]===

===''Has Anyone Seen My Book? / P.J. Pig's Brave Day / Vanderbuilt's New Shoes'' [3.13]===

==Season 4 (1995)==

===''The Perfect Gentleman / The Best Painter Ever / The Best Day for Dennis'' [4.1]===

===''A Trip Back in Time / Home Sweet Home / P.S. Pig's Special Friend'' [4.2]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Magnet Machine / Sneef and Sniff at the Opera / Mr. Gronkle Won't Mind'' [4.3]===

===''Peter's Visit / The First Skis Ever / Stage Fright'' [4.4]===

===''End of the Rainbow / A Signal for Peng / Mr. Frumble's Birthday Party'' [4.5]===

===''Bananas the Magician / The First Horseless Carriage / Princess Hilda'' [4.6]===

===''Daylight Savings Time / Eager Beaver's Clever Game / The Pickle Car Wash'' [4.7]===

===''Triple A Deliveries / Stanley's Amazing Photo / Lost in the Swamp'' [4.8]===

===''Mr. Fixit's Super Submarine / Cahuchu's Magic Tree / Mr. Bean's Restaurant'' [4.9]===

===''The Best Christmas Present Ever / Abe and Babe's Christmas Lesson / Sally Cat's Christmas Dream'' [4.10]===

===''The Best Car Trip Ever / Earnest's Dish You Can Eat / Cousin Ross'' [4.11]===

===''Fill'er Up Scotty / Niagara Falls Mystery / Helper's Helper'' [4.12]===

===''Who's Afraid of the Big Eclipse / Hold Your Breath! / Pumpkin Heads'' [4.13]===

==Season 5 (1996-1997)==

===''The Mole Machine / The Royal Game of Dennis / Now That's Progress'' [5.1]===

===''Superstitious Bananas / Pépé le Gangstaire / Drive-Through Movie'' [5.2]===

===''King and Queen for a Day / The Piggy Express / Practice Makes Prefect'' [5.3]===

===''The Winners / No More Games, Manuel! / We Won't Go to the Doctor!'' [5.4]===

===''Never Too Small / Albert, the Belgian Barge Captain / Rainy Day'' [5.5]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Comes to Stay / Leo-pardo's Smile / Blooming Busytown'' [5.6]===

===''Match-Makers / Forget-bur Never Forgets / Toof Trouble'' [5.7]===

===''The New Neighbors / The First Halloween Ever / Now I Know My One, Two, Threes!'' [5.8]===

===''Mr. Gronkle Moves Away / Counting Chickens / The Spelling Bee'' [5.9]===
:'''Billy''': Okay, responsibility. R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.
:'''Billy's mom''': That's great! Now what does it mean?
:'''Billy''': To be in charge of something important where people count on.

===''Huckle's Feathery Friends / The First Valentine Ever / The Sleepover'' [5.10]===

===''Count on Us! / The First Easter Egg Ever / Be My Valentine'' [5.11]===

===''The Mystery of the Stone Circle / The Big Apple Christmas Caper / Who's too Scared to Masquerade?'' [5.12]===

===''A Message in a Bottle / Santa Needs Help / There Really is an Easter Bunny'' [5.13]===

:''[final lines of the series]''
:'''Fiona''': And here it is. Anyone for apple pie?
:'''Sailor Shane''': Mmm, this is certainly one treasure that's worth burying.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Showtime shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Criminal Minds: Evolution</title>
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      <text bytes="7506" sha1="52rof2zo528977042ukcyub9s4kcxtf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
:'''Season''' [[Criminal Minds (season 1)|1]] [[Criminal Minds (season 2)|2]] [[Criminal Minds (season 3)|3]] [[Criminal Minds (season 4)|4]] [[Criminal Minds (season 5)|5]] [[Criminal Minds (season 6)|6]] [[Criminal Minds (season 7)|7]] [[Criminal Minds (season 8)|8]] [[Criminal Minds (season 9)|9]] [[Criminal Minds (season 10)|10]] [[Criminal Minds (season 11)|11]] [[Criminal Minds (season 12)|12]] [[Criminal Minds (season 13)|13]] [[Criminal Minds (season 14)|14]]  [[Criminal Minds (season 15)|15]] | ''[[Criminal Minds: Evolution]]'' | [[Criminal Minds|'''Main''']]
----

'''''[[w:Criminal Minds (season 16)|Criminal Minds: Evolution]]''''' (2022-) is a series airing on [[w:Paramount+|Paramount+]] and a spinoff of the dramatic television series ''[[Criminal Minds]]''.

== Season 1==
=== ''Just Getting Started'' [1.01] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.&quot; [[Norman Cousins]] 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;The witching hour was a special moment in the middle of the night when every child and every grown-up was in a deep, deep sleep, and all the dark things came out from hiding and had the world all to themselves.&quot; [[Roald Dahl]]

=== ''Sicarius'' [1.02] ===
:'''Tara Lewis''': It is claimed that [[Oscar Wilde]] wrote, &quot;Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.&quot; Except he didn't. Nobody knows who wrote it.

=== ''Moose'' [1.03] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;In the face of pain, there are no heroes.&quot; [[George Orwell]]

=== ''Pay-Per-View'' [1.04] === 
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;Beware the fury of a patient man.&quot; [[John Dryden]]

=== ''Oedipus Wrecks'' [1.05] ===
:'''Jennifer Jareau''': &quot;A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.&quot; [[Herb Caen]]

=== ''True Conviction'' [1.06] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception.&quot; [[James Baldwin]]

=== ''What Doesn't Kill Us...'' [1.07] ===
:'''Doug Bailey''': &quot;For, after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.&quot; [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]]

=== ''Forget Me Knots'' [1.08] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': &quot;Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him and to let him know that you trust him.&quot; [[Booker T. Washington]]

===''Memento Mori'' [1.09] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': The Latin phrase ''memento mori'' translates to &quot;Remember that you must die.&quot; Roman slaves whispered it to their generals to prevent them from being consumed by hubris.

===''Dead End'' [1.10] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': &quot;Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs.&quot; [[Leo Tolstoy]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Luke Alvez''': &quot;The heart wants what it wants, or else it doesn't care.&quot; [[Emily Dickinson]]

== Season 2==
=== ''Gold Star'' [2.01] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': &quot;It's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out.&quot; [[Khaled Hosseini]]

=== ''Contagion'' [2.02] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;A powerful monster, living down, in the darkness, growled in pain, impatient.&quot; ''[[Beowulf]]''

=== ''Homesick'' [2.03] ===
:'''Penelope Garcia''': &quot;One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.&quot; [[Mark Twain]]

=== ''Kingdom of the Blind'' [2.04] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': Philosopher [[Desiderius Erasmus]] wrote, &quot;In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.&quot;

=== ''Conspiracy vs. Theory'' [2.05] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;Beware, for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.&quot; [[Mary Shelley]]

=== ''Message in a Bottle'' [2.06] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more.&quot; [[Nikola Tesla]]

=== ''Piranha'' [2.07] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;Through pride, we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience, a still, small voice says to us, ''something is out of tune''.&quot; [[Carl Jung]]

=== ''North Star'' [2.08] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': &quot;The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time.&quot; [[Lawrence Durrell]]

=== ''Stars &amp; Stripes'' [2.09] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;Betrayal is the only truth that sticks.&quot; [[Arthur Miller]]

=== ''Save the Children'' [2.10] ===

== Season 3==
=== ''Swimmer's Calculus'' [3.01] ===
:'''Emily Prentiss''': &quot;All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was.&quot; [[Toni Morrison]]

=== ''The Zookeeper'' [3.02] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.&quot; [[Arthur Schopenhauer]]

=== ''Time to Say Goodbye'' [3.03] ===
:'''Jennifer Jareau''': &quot;What do women hold? The home and the family. And the children and the food. The friendships. The work. The work of the world. And the work of being human. The memories. And the troubles and the sorrows and the triumphs. And the love.&quot; Maira Kilman

=== ''I'm Fine, It's Fine. Everything is Fine.'' [3.04] ===
:'''Tara Lewis''': &quot;It hurts to love. It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.&quot; [[Susan Sontag]]

=== ''The Brutal Man'' [3.05] ===
:'''Jennifer Jareau''': &quot;When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.&quot; [[Viktor Frankl]]

=== ''Hell is Empty...'' [3.06] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.&quot; [[William Shakespeare]]

=== ''...All the Devils Are Here'' [3.07] ===
:'''Tyler Green''': &quot;Presumption should never make us neglect that which appears easy to us, nor despair make us lose courage at the sight of difficulties.&quot; [[Benjamin Banneker]]

=== ''Tara'' [3.08] ===
:'''Tara Lewis''': &quot;If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.&quot; [[Aldous Huxley]]

=== ''CollateRal'' [3.09] ===

=== ''The Disciple'' [3.10] ===
:'''Elias Voit''': &quot;Good can exist without evil, whereas evil cannot exist without good.&quot; [[Thomas Aquinas]]

== Season 4==
=== ''Now and Then'' [4.01] ===
:'''David Rossi''': &quot;History repeats itself, but in such cunning disguise that we never detect the resemblance until the damage is done.&quot; [[Sydney J. Harris]]

=== ''Cluster'' [4.02] ===
:'''Penelope Garcia''': [[Harlan Ellison]] wrote, &quot;I have no mouth, and I must scream.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Penelope Garcia''': &quot;Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.&quot; Psalm 91

=== ''Body Count'' [4.03] ===
:'''Tyler Green''': &quot;Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.&quot; [[Benjamin Franklin]]

=== ''The Witching Hour'' [4.04] ===
:'''Jennifer Jareau''': &quot;One's work may be finished someday, but one's education? Never.&quot; [[Alexandre Dumas]]

== Cast ==
* [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] - [[w:David Rossi|David Rossi]]
* [[w:A. J. Cook (actress)|A.J. Cook]] - [[w:Jennifer Jareau|Jennifer &quot;JJ&quot; Jareau]]
* [[w:Kirsten Vangsness|Kirsten Vangsness]] - [[w:Penelope Garcia|Penelope Garcia]] 
* [[w:Aisha Tyler|Aisha Tyler]] - [[w:Dr. Tara Lewis|Dr. Tara Lewis]]
* [[w:Adam Rodriguez|Adam Rodriguez]] - [[w:Luke Alvez|Luke Alvez]]
* [[w:Paget Brewster|Paget Brewster]] - [[w:Emily Prentiss|Emily Prentiss]]

{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Criminal Minds seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness</title>
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'''''[[w: Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness|Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness]]''''' is a 2014 American film.

==U-Boat==
TBA

==Dialogue==
TBA

==Trailer==
TBA

===Blu-ray trailer===
TBA
:'''Narrator''': Blast off of Scooby-Doo and Shaggy. &quot;Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness&quot; Look for it DVD, Blu-ray and Digital HD.

==Extralinks==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}


[[Category:2014 animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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'''''[[w:Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island|Scooby-Doo! Return to Zombie Island]]''''' is a 2019 an American film.

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===

==Dialogue==
:'''Sheriff''': [[Monsters, Inc.|You don't have to cry, Daphne, I— I'm sure we can do somethin' else?]]
:'''Velma''': ''[sobs]'' It is nothing else, it's all a life's worked!
:''[Velma and Daphne sob]''

==Extralink==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2019 animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Elmo's World</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>256385</id>
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      <text bytes="16654" sha1="b1u02801nog7r8lxmvlv41giptredlu" xml:space="preserve">'''''{{W|Elmo's World}}''''' is a segment that is shown at the end of the long running American children's television program ''[[Sesame Street]]'' which premiered on November 16th, 1998,  at part of a border structural change to the show. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 5 to 12.

==Classic Series==
==='''Elmo's World: Balls'''===

Original Airdate: November 16, 1998

Description:
:'''1''': A cascade of ball topple over with Elmo! ''No'' balls are in the doorhill!

:'''Elmo''': [balls bouncing at once in the door and waterfall of balls fall down at once] Oh! Oh! That's right. B-B-B-B... Balls. You know, balls. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy has miniature in her bowl. She wants to know how people catch a ball.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle is the white net ''and'' stuggles to catch a ''ball''!

:'''4''': Kids show how they catch a ball.

:'''Girl''': You have to spread your arm out and catch a ball.
:'''Boy''': You put your arms out and when the ball is coming right at you, you squeeze your hands. See?
:'''Boy''': Dorothy, This is how you catch a ball. NO!
:'''Elmo''': Thank you, Dorothy.

===Quiz===
# Egg
# Telephone Book
# Birthday Cake

:'''TV Cartoon''': The Ball Channel features &quot;If Balls Didn't Bounce&quot;.

(TV angry, mad, grumpy and bounces to at once in left leave to Sesame Street)

( ''knock on door'' )

:'''Film''': The first film is named Michelle and her dad play catch at the beach.

===Elmo's World: Shoes===

:'''Original Air date''': November 23, 1998


Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens his door to reveal a big hill of shoes, which tumble out. ''No'' shoes are doorhill!

( ''shoes thudding'' )

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy has a miniature shoe in a bowl. She wants to know how to put on shoes.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle first, put his shoes on his hands, then, his ears, final, on his feet - but, ties the laces together and falls on his ''face'' in the chair!

:'''4''': Kids show how they put on shoes.

:'''5''': '''Elmo's Question''' - Elmo asks the viewers to count to &lt;math&gt;2&lt;/math&gt; how many shoes are in a pair of shoes.

:'''6''': '''Quiz''' - 

# '''B'''irthday '''C'''ake: &lt;small&gt;don't wear shoes.&lt;/small&gt;
# '''T'''able - &lt;small&gt;don't wear shoes&lt;/small&gt;. But they have ''legs''!

:'''7''': The second film is named Brianna goes with her daddy to the shoe store to buy a new pair of shoes. On their way out of the store. 

:'''8''': '''Home Video''': ''What Shoes Do When Nobody's Wearing Them?'' by Elmo

:'''9''': Song: Shoe

===TV Shows===
# [[w:Wheel

===Quiz===
Table

:'''5''': '''Film''' - Elmo friend Brianna goes with her dad to the shoe store to buy a new pair of shoes.

:'''6''': The Shoe Channel features: &quot;''The Story of Shoes.''&quot; Coming Up: ''[[w:Wheel of Forture|Wheel of Fortune (American game show)]]'' and ''[[Your Shoe of Shoes|Your Shoe of Shoes]].''

==='''Elmo's World: Hats'''===
Original Airdate: November 30, 1998


Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens his closet to discover a giant mound of hats, which tumble out. ''No'' hats are in the doorhill!

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy has a tiny cowboy hat in her bowl. She wants to know how to put on a hat.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle puts his hat on his elbow, the armhill upside down on his head, they puts the hat on the floor and tries to somesault into it, but, it gets stuck to his bottom. Eventually, he magically suspends in midair and then jumps up into it, but, Mr. Noodle is left floating in the air because he is stuck down there!

:'''4''': Kids show how they put on hats with rainhat.

:'''5''': '''Elmo's Question''' - Elmo asks the viewer to him count how many gallons of water fit in a &lt;math&gt;10&lt;/math&gt;-gallon hat (&lt;math&gt;11&lt;/math&gt;)

:'''6''': The third film is Nicole makes construction paper hat with her mother.

:'''7''': '''Home Video''': ''How to Keep Your Hat Warm'' by Elmo

:'''8''': Song: Hat

===Quiz===
# '''M'''ailbox - &lt;small&gt;don't wear hats.&lt;/small&gt;
# '''B'''irthday '''C'''ake - &lt;small&gt;don't wear hats.&lt;/small&gt; But kids had birthday parties do.

:'''5''': '''Film''' - Elmo friend Nicole makes a construction paper, glue, glittler and green feather with her mother.

:'''6''': The Hat Channel features &quot;''Why People Wear Hats''&quot;. Hats off to hats! Coming Up: ''[[w:Bowling for Dollars|Bowling for Dollars]]'' and ''[[Love Boater|Love Boater]]''.

===Elmo's World: Dancing===

Original Airdate: December 28, 1998

Description:

:'''1''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy wants to know how you dance.

:'''2''': Mr. Noodle can't stop dancing.

:'''3''': '''Film:''' Elmo friends Victor and Shelby learn help to tap dance.

:'''TV Cartoon''': The Lecture Lady dances The [[w:Hokey Pokey|Hokey Pokey]].

:'''Home Video''': &quot;Elmo's Friend [[w:Zoe|Zoe]].

==='''Elmo's World: Jackets'''===
Original Airdate: January 4, 1999

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo is opens the door and gets covered in jackets.

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy wants to know how to put a jacket.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle struggles with how to correctly put the jacket. When he finally puts his jacket on correctly, his pants fall down!

:'''4''': Several kids have just learned how to put on and button up their jackets.

:'''5''': '''Elmo's Question''' - Elmo count to &lt;math&gt;10&lt;/math&gt; the jackets in a jacket parade.

:'''6''': '''Quiz''' 

# '''T'''ricycle - &lt;small&gt;don't wear jackets.&lt;/small&gt;
# '''Hot Dog''' - &lt;small&gt;don't wear jackets.&lt;/small&gt;
# '''C'''hair - &lt;small&gt;don't wear jackets, even though they have ''arms''! Too bad!&lt;/small&gt;

:'''7''': The fifth film is Eric put on his jacket one time.

:'''8''': '''Home Video''': ''What Jackets Do What They Get Dirty?'' by Elmo

:'''9''': Song: Jacket

===Quiz===
# Tricycle
# Chair

:'''5''': '''Film''' - Elmo friend Eric put on jacket at a one time.

:'''Movie''': [[w:Five Easy Pieces|Five Easy Pieces]]

===Elmo's World: Food===
( ''Shade gulps'' ) No!

:'''Boy''': Dorothy, this is how I eat a pizza.
:'''Boy''': Dorothy, this is how you spaghetti. You twist the folk and pick it up and eat it.
:'''Girl''': Here's how you with chopsticks, Dorothy. You hold it like a pencil and take it and eat it.

:'''Elmo''': Drawers don't eat.

( ''Drawer angry, mad, grumpy, burps and hiccups to at once marchill tower'' ) Stop!
:'''Elmo''': Drawer!

:'''Film''': Elmo friends Timmy and Ashley make a submarine sandwich.

:'''Quiz''': 
# Comb - But they do have teeth.
# Birthday Cake - But kids can eat a birthday cake.
# Train - But they do choo.
# Grown-ups eat - Unless Grover's their waiter.

===Elmo's World: Books===
Original Airdate: February 9, 1999

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo open his dooor which is full of shelves of books. Unprovked, shelves break in unison, dumping the books on the floor. ''No'' books are in the doorhill!

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy wants to know you read a book.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle sits on a book, examines the blinder, and holds the book upside-down without ever. The Kids and Elmo tell him.

:'''4''': Kids reads some books.

:'''Women''': &quot;Feel the fuzzy monster.&quot; with your hand. Feel. Nice. the end, Dorothy. 
:'''Girl''': Dorothy, reads: &quot;Cookie, cheese, cabbage, carrots, cracker, milk, pretzel, popcorn!&quot;
:'''Boy''': Dorothy, this is how I read. &quot;My First Reader.&quot; &quot;Put down the duckie!&quot; 

:'''5''': Elmo friend Michael goes to the library.

:'''6''': The Book Channel airs a program about a girl who loves books. Coming Up: ''[[w:Our Miss Books|Ours Miss Books]]'' starring ''[[w:Book Shields|Book Shields]]''.

===Elmo's World: Music===
Original Airdate: February 18, 1999

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens his door and becomes buried under dozens of toy brass instruments. The open is montage feature different instruments plays [[w:Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star|Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star]] with the boy is no revolve [[w:piano|piano]] with [[w:Mickey Mouse|Mickey Mouse]] in [[w:Pine, Arizona|Pine, Arizona]], the girl is no involved [[w:violin|violin]] [[w:Minnie Mouse|Minnie Mouse]], toy recorders with Daisy Duck, kazoos with Barney the Dinosaur, a children's choir sings &quot;la, la, la!!!&quot; and an orchestra with Benny, Isa, Tico, BJ, Baby Bop and Riff.

:'''2''': Dorothy wants to know how.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle attempts to play a marching band drum by wearing it on his back. After.

:'''Movie''': [[w:The Sound of Music|The Sound of Music]]

===Elmo's World: Water===
:'''Original Airdate''': March 22 1999

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens his door and sees Niagara Falls.
:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy wants to know how people swim in water.
:'''3''': Mr. Noodle tries to swim in a small wading pool, and ends up swimming in midair.
:'''4''': Kids are seen in various stages of learning to swim - with parents, with water wings and unassisted.
:'''5''': Elmo's friend Jordan uses water to brush your teeth, rinse, wash your face, make oatmeal because hit in the kitchenhall tower, feed your dog, water the plants, take a bathtub, and drink during in the night!

===Elmo's World: Transportion===
:'''Original Airdate''': April 2, 1999

:'''1''': A train pushes in to make an impression on the door of ''itself''!
:'''2''':

===Elmo's World: Bananas===
Original Airdate: January 12, 2000


Description:
:'''1''': Elmo buried in one of his favorite fruits: bananas. ''No'' bananas are in the doorhill!

:'''2''': '''Dorothy's Question''' - Dorothy wants to know what you do with a banana.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle tries to make a phone call on a banana, play a banana like a trumpet and write on paper with an ink-dip banana. When, he final goes to takes a bite, it pops up out of the peel and lands in Elmo hand.

:'''4''': Kids show how to peel and eat bananas. 

:'''5''': '''Film''' - Elmo friend Michael made an entire meal of bananas: banana bread, fried plantains, banana pancakes, banana smoothies and banana pudding. All of Michael's friends came for a banana feast.

===Elmo's World: Birthdays===
Original Airdate: February 2, 2001 

:'''Elmo''': Birthdays. no?
:'''Boy''': Hi, Dorothy. This is how I wrap a birthday gift. You put it in a special bag. Happy birthday, Dorothy.
:'''Girl''': Dorothy, this is a how I wrap a present. I put a big bow on it. You have to take the paper off the sticky part. Then, you stick it on. Happy birthday, Dorothy.
:'''Girl''': This is how I wrap a present, Dorothy. I fold the paper onto the [[w:box|box]] like this. Then, I fold the corners. And, I do the same thing on the other side. Now, I put a bow on. There. Happy birthday, Dorothy.

:'''Film''': Elmo friend Hampton his dad bake and decorate and birthday cake: Egg, Milk, Vanilla, Flour, Sugar, Salt and Powder. Now, give a birthday cake your Mom, blow out the candle and eat the cake.

:'''TV Cartoon''': The Birthday Channel shows &quot;The Girl Who Loved Birthdays&quot;, about a girl that travels around the world to celebrate her friends' birthdays in 4 different countries: [[w:Iceland|Iceland]] with Bjorn's birthday and a girl eats pancakes, [[w:Mexico|Mexico]] with Carmen's birthday is gone! A girl gives a bow, a candy, a peso with 4 fingers and [[w:Israel|Israel]] with Avi's birthday and a girl upside down hat! Then, the girl flew back to [[w:Ypsilanti|Ypsilpanti]].

:'''Song''': Birthday

===Elmo's World: Games===
:'''Original Airdate''': March 13, 2001

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens the door to fall a pile of toys and games that fall into the room.
:'''2''': '''Dorothy Question''' - Dorothy has a checkers game decoration in her bowl. She wants to know how to play a game.
:'''3''': Kids show Dorothy how they a memory card game ''house'' and ''cake'', Simon Says and tag.
:'''4''': '''Video E-Mail''' - In Elmo's E-Mail, Ernie.
:'''5''': '''Elmo's Question''' - Elmo asks the viewer to help him count CGI frogs (and a kangaroo) playing leapfrog.

Film
:'''Abigail''': I know a game.
:'''Warren''': Pulgarcito, donde estas? iAqui estoy! iAqui estoy! Como esta usted? iMuy bien, gracias! Ya me voy, ya me voy.

:'''Computer''': ''Elmo has mail!''
:'''Elmo''': It's Elmo computer! Where you are? Elmo does not see it?!? Shade, open it! Not it here. 

:'''Computer''': Elmo has mail...

:'''Elmo''': Maybe, it's play hide and seek. Let's go! Maybe, it's in the door.

( ''computer speechs, angry, grumpy, angry to at once in the streethill lighthouse'' )

( ''duck quacks to at once'' ) Bye!!!

:'''Computer''': Elmo has mail...

:'''Elmo''': He is play hide and seek.

===Elmo's World: Getting Dressed===
:'''Girl''': First, you put on one leg again. Then, you put your other leg in. Then, you tuck your shirt in, you snap it, zipper it and thighten.

Film
:'''Alexis''': I'm seven years old and I can get dressing all by myself. First, my dad changes Ariana's diapers. Then, I put on her t-shirt. Sometimes we play, Where is Ariana? Then, we put on her overalls. Then, we put on her shoes.

===Elmo's World: Sleep===
:'''Girl''': Hello, Dorothy. This is my cozy bed, and
:'''Joey''': Hi, Dorothy, I'm Joey.
:'''Nicky''': Hi, Dorothy, I'm Nicky.

:'''Joey''': We sleep in bunk beds. I sleep on the top.
:'''Nicky''': I sleep on the bottom.

:'''Joey''': Good night, Dorothy.
:'''Nicky''': Good night, Dorothy.

===Elmo's World: Mail===
:'''Original Airdate''': April 7, 2003

Description:
:'''1''': Elmo opens his door to a barrage of letters and package delivered as mail.

:'''2''': Dorothy wants to know how you mail a letter.

:'''3''': Mr. Noodle tries to dunk a letter in the basketball hoop and the wastebasket before he takes flight on the mailbox.

:'''4''': Kids mail letters.

===Elmo's World: Computers===
:'''Original Airdate''':

===''Elmo's World: Teeth''===
:'''Original Airdate''': January 4, 2001

:'''Girl''': Dorothy, cruchy.

===Elmo's World: Hands===
Original Airdate: January 12, 2001

'''Kids''' - Kids wash their hands with bar soap and liquid soap.

'''Quiz''' 

# '''P'''ineapple - &lt;small&gt;don't hands.&lt;/small&gt;
# '''C'''lock  - &lt;small&gt;don't hands.&lt;/small&gt;

===Elmo's World: Flowers, Plants and Trees===


==Elmo's World==

===Elmo's World: Hats===
( ''grunts'' )
:'''Elmo''': Hats.

First, put the hat is on. Next, around your hat. Good!

Hats off the hats!

===Elmo's World: Jackets===
( ''sighs'' ) 
:'''Elmo''': Jackets! You know, jackets.

:'''Elmo''': Tricycles don't wear jackets. But a kid can riding a tricycle could wear a jacket. Bye-bye! Hot dogs don't wear jackets. They wear buns! Chairs don't wear jackets, even though they have arms.

===Elmo's World: Books===
( ''books clattering'' )
:'''Elmo''': Oh, Wow!

:'''Women''': Feel the fuzzy monster with your hand. Feel. Nice. The end.

===Elmo's World: Bananas===
Title Name: Bananas/First Appearance 3858

Segment List:
Door: Bananas Fall

Mr. Noodle: No, he is pop out! Stop!!!

Elmo: Stop, Elmo! Left the drawer now! Oh, boy!!!

Question: Why you do with a banana?

Film: Michael is make in the kitchen room lists: the table is bread, put the oven and the blender is milk and bananas, push on the start right now. And the refrigerator is open and close.

===Elmo's World: Pets===
:'''Boy''': Wow, Dorothy, I like lizards. My lizards can change colors. They change colors to &lt;span style=color:brown&gt;brown&lt;/span&gt; and &lt;span style=color:green&gt;green.&lt;/span&gt;

===Elmo's World: Hands===
:'''Boy''': Dorothy, this is how I wash my hands. It's not too hot, Dorothy. I am wash.

===Elmo’s World: Birthdays===
Title Name: Birthdays/First Appearance: 3940

Segment List:
Door: Birthday Party Supplies Fall

Mr. Noodle: No, he is on your finger! Stop!!!

Kids: The girl is folding the present and bow. Happy birthday, Dorothy.

:'''Girl''': This is how wrap a present, Dorothy. I fold the paper onto the box like this. Then, I fold the corners. And I do the same thing on the other side. Now, I put a bow on.

Quiz: Do telephones vs birthday cake?

Film: Hampton and his Dad bake and decorate a birthday cake for Hampton's Mom.

:'''Hampton''': My dad and I made a cake

==Animals Muppet==
===Pets===
:'''Elmo''': Oh, look! There's a dog-- oh, aah, frog! Cat!
:'''Turtle''': Come back, Rabbit.
:'''Elmo''': Oh! That's right, pets! [Suddenly, the pets starting to attack Elmo] Oh, no! You now, p-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-t-s!
:''[All screaming except for the turtle]''
:'''Turtle''': Wait up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Elmo''': Okay, open it, Drawer! Ahh! Can a ''[[w:chair|chair]]'' be a ''pet''? ( ''no audio'' )
:'''Kids''': No!

:'''Elmo''': Can a ''lettuce'' be a ''pet''? 
:'''Kids''': No!

:'''Elmo''': Can tiger be pet?
:'''Kids''': No!

:'''Elmo''': Can a monster be a ''pet''?
:'''Kids''': No!

===Cats===
:'''Elmo''':


===Dogs===

[[Category:Children's education TV shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>256841</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951856</id>
      <parentid>3945547</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:41:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951856</origin>
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      <text bytes="7997" sha1="t7bmgggrgc2kk5hx3z5dbzle6u26h0r" xml:space="preserve">[[Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman]] is a tv show that aired on [[PBS]] Kids. The show was aimed at elementary school children, and middle school children, and from ages 6 to 13.

==Season 1==
===''3-2-1 Blast Off!''===
:'''Ruff''': Ah, Henry, Boss, I mean, I said that I'd have the show ready by today, but I just--I need more time. Please, if I had just one more month, it would be perfect-- I didn't mean &quot;month&quot; I meant, like a week, maybe a day. No, I'm no--Am I? Wait a minute... ''[to the viewer]'' Are we live? Hi, I'm Ruff Ruffman! And you're about to witness the most important even in television history! The world premiere of Fetch with Ruff Ruff--''[falls off chair]'' Oh, sorry, I went &quot;puppy&quot; there for a second. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===''Good Dancing and Bad Breath''===
:'''Ruff''': I probably should look that up. ''[Opens up the dictionary]'' Let's see. H, H, H. halitosis, yes. ''[gasps]'' '''''BAD BREATH!?''''' She said I had bad breath?.. But that's impossible! Everyone knows dogs have the cleanest mouth of the whole animal kingdom.


===''How To Get Out Your Inner Hip Hop''===
:'''Ruff''': And here come the contestants now!  He's a sucker for chocolate chip ice cream-- Brian! She loves apples and mustard, but not together-- Anna. Pizza gets him going-- Khalil. She has a thing for Popsicles-- Julia! Give him a steak, and he's happy-- Noah! She's all over cotton candy. Taylor is in the house!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Noah''': ''[upon seeing a leopard]'' Ruff, you scared of cats?
:''[Ruff growls angrily]''
:'''Ruff''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ruff! Calm down there, buddy.
:'''Noah''': That's a scary cat.
:'''Ruff''': Ha-- big cats don't intimidate me. Provided they're, uh, you know, in a cage.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Ruff''': ''[happily]'' It was going Great! ''[his expression turns to mad]'' '''''UNTIL!'''''
:''[A clip from earlier plays with Noah saying &quot;Ruff, you scared of cats?&quot;]'' 
:'''Ruff''': For even suggesting that I fear a cat, I'm taking 5 points off.
:'''Khalil''': Noah!
:'''Noah''': I'm sorry...

===''That Doesn't Float My Boat''===
:'''Ruff''': ''[tired]'' Come on Ruffman. Think! Think! Okay, how about this: ''[draws on his dry erase board]'' We put the contestants on a deserted island; three coconuts and that's it. Uh, no, not coconuts, bicycles, yeah. Or bassoons. Oh, it's brilliant-- Now I'm doomed!! Oh, hi. Ever hear of writer's block? Well, I have game show host block; Oh, boy, do I ever! I've already gone through eight squeaky toys. But I can't go to sleep until I come up with at least one good idea!

==Season 2==
===''The Mystery of Dogtopia and Catlantis''===
:'''Ruff''': ''[yelps and shrieks off-screen]'' RUN, BLOSSOM, RUN!!! ''[Ruff and Blossom hide in the Fetch 3000's countertop]'' Okay, we need a little more work...

==Season 4==
===''Finding Eight-Legged Tights Isn't Easy''===
:'''Ruff''': ''[As Chet plays ballet music while Ruff jogs on a treadmill]'' Wait a minute, is this ballet music?! ''[slides off treadmill]'' Aaaah!! '''''TURN IT OOOOFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!''''' ''[Chet does so right as Ruff hides under the Fetch 3000's countertop]'' Yes, it's true... I have a terrible fear of ballet...

===''How to Break the Ice and Also Waddle On It''===
:'''Ruff''': And here come the contestants now! He doesn't like raw salmon-- Brian! She enjoys walking on treadmills. Not a very moving story-- Talia! His mom calls him &quot;Scoop&quot;, and he doesn't know why-- Sterling! The smell of seafood makes her sick-- Liza! His mother was once a cheerleader. She's at home now shouting, &quot;Go, Isaac!&quot; Ethanybay speaks fluent Pig Latin; uh, wait a minute, actually it's Bethany!

==Season 5==
===''Eureka is Not a Brand of Dog Food''===
:'''Ruff''': ''[overtired]'' Hi, and welcome again to Fetch. The reality game show where humans do the fetching, not dogs! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Fetchers''': ''[concerned]'' Why? What's wrong with you?
:'''Ruff''': My person, She's rediscovered the joys of playing Fetch with her dog!
:'''Ruff's Owner''': ''[off-screen]'' Ruffydoodles, time for fetchies! Bring your tennis ball! Woof-woof!
:'''Ruff''': ''[sobbing]'' You see what I mean!? She's running me ragged!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ruff's Owner''': ''[off-screen]'' Ruffy-pie, get the bally! 
:'''Ruff''': ''[sobbing]''

===''Look What the Dog Dug Up!''===
:''[Spring cleaning in Ruff's office.]''
:'''Ruff''': Oh, hi! Look what I just found under the couch! ''[pulls out a stale plate of spaghetti and meatballs]'' The meatballs are a little hard, but the rest of it is okay. ''[Blossom shows Ruff a box]'' No, Blossom, you can't throw this out. This is my limited edition figurine. ''[gives it to Chet, who places it on the shelf; Blossom gives Ruff a package]'' Who's it from, Blossom? ''[reads the label]'' &quot;From a Fan of the Show&quot;. Well! ''[he unwraps the package, revealing a sandwich with a face made out of vegetable toppings; gasps in awe]'' It's the most delicious-looking pastrami sandwich ever! ''[sniffs the sandwich]'' In fact it, looks so good, I can't eat it! I have to bury it!
:''[Ruff runs outside to bury the sandwich. Blossom opens a window and watches.]''
:'''Ruff''': ''[peeks in]'' What can I say? It's a dog thing. ''[goes back to work]'' I can't expect you to under... ''[finds something]'' Whoa! Wait a minute! What is this?!
:''[Ruff returns to the office, carrying a strange-looking Egyptian coffin.]''
:'''Ruff''': I just found this buried in the backyard! ''[Blossom looks at Ruff]'' It's what? An ancient Egyptian sarcophagus?! A coffin for a mummy?
:''[Blossom places her hands on the lid of the coffin as Chet runs on top of it.]''
:'''Ruff''': ''[worried]'' Wait! If you open it, you could disturb the mummy and unleash a curse!
:''[Blossom opens the lid anyway, sending Chet flying through the air. He goes over Ruff's head.]''
:'''Ruff''': Chet!
:''[Chet lands on a spoon holding a stale meatball. The meatball is catapulted through the air. Ruff and Blossom duck.]''
:'''Ruff''': Meatball!
:''[The meatball hits Ruff's figurine, shattering it to dust.]''
:'''Ruff''': ''[devastated]'' My figurine! Blossom, do you think this is a sign you've unleashed a curse?!
:''[The shelf comes loose, and all the stuff on it falls on Ruff.]''
:'''Ruff''': How about now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ruff''': Hello, and welcome to Fetch!, the only reality game show where the host has had an ancient curse put upon him by a mummy!
:'''Fetchers''': Wait... What? What do you mean?
:'''Ruff''': I'm in a backyard, I'm burying a pastrami sandwich - don't ask - and in the process, I dig up this ancient Egyptian coffin. If you want proof that I'm cursed, look! Black ooze has started dripping from the ceiling! '''''Black ooze!'''''
:'''Emmie''': That's a little eerie. Is there anything else that could have caused it?
:'''Ruff''': Well, Emmie, maybe I shouldn't have stored leaky containers of molasses in the attic, but still, it's black ooze! And if you need more proof that things aren't right, I told Chet to set the table, and look. He did it perfectly.
:''[The Fetchers cheer Chet on.]''
:'''Ruff''': No! ''No!'' He's never done ''anything'' even ''close'' to correct before. Something has to be done about this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ruff''': '''''WHAT'S THAT?! AAH, A SKELETON WITH A HAT!''''' Wait a minute, my Fetchers are wearing the same hat!
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]] 
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]] 
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]] 
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Children's TV shows]]
[[Category:PBS shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mammals]]
[[Category:TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about cats]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about mice and rats]]
[[Category:Game shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>My Immortal (fan fiction)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>257283</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951738</id>
      <parentid>3945095</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:55:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Munmula</username>
        <id>3027578</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951738</origin>
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      <text bytes="30430" sha1="0ivr5qx57co1z97wf31xhtko3zmuleu" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Ebony Darkness by XSamuraiEdgeX (background removed).png|thumb|Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like [[Amy Lee]] (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).]]
'''''My Immortal''''' is a fan fiction based on the [[Harry Potter]] franchise, written by the pseudonymous author “XXXbloodyrists666XXX”. It chronicles the life of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 17-year-old [[W:Slytherin|Slytherin]] goth, and her encounters with numerous unrecognizably altered versions of Harry Potter characters— including a foul-mouthed Dumbledore, a sexually perverted Snape, and a Voldemort who speaks in faux-[[William Shakespeare|Shakespearean]] English. The work is notorious for its extremely poor writing and nonsensical plot and is widely considered to be one of the worst fan fictions ever written.

''Note: Due to the extremely large number of misspellings and idiosyncrasies in the text, all quotes are presented as they originally appeared, with minor formatting adjustments for readability.''

==Chapter 1==
[[File:My Chemical Romance @ McCallum Park (5 2 2012) (6825192746).jpg|thumb|I'm not related to [[W:Gerard Way|Gerard Way]] but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.]]
[[File:Hot Topic logo.svg|thumb| I love [[W:Hot Topic|Hot Topic]] and I buy all my clothes from there.]]
*Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness [[W:Dementia|Dementia]] Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like [[Amy Lee]] (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to [[W:Gerard Way|Gerard Way]] but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called [[w:Hogwarts|Hogwarts]] in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love [[W:Hot Topic|Hot Topic]] and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
**First lines

==Chapter 4==
[[File:Amor sublime II.jpg|thumb|Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.]]
[[file:Silente.jpg|thumb|&quot;WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!&quot; It was….[[Albus Dumbledore|Dumbledore]]!]]
* Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
*&quot;WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!&quot; It was….[[Albus Dumbledore|Dumbledore]]!

==Chapter 5==
[[File:McGonagall.jpg|thumb|”Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?&quot; asked [[W:Professor McGonagall|Professor McGonagall]].]]
*”Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?&quot; asked [[W:Professor McGonagall|Professor McGonagall]].

==Chapter 6==
*In the Great Hall, I ate some [[W:Count Chocula|Count Chocula]] cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

==Chapter 7==
*We started [[W:french kiss|frenching]] passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

==Chapter 8==
*&quot;What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!&quot; [[W:Snape|Snape]] demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

==Chapter 9==
[[File:My Chemical Romance BDO Feb 4 07 1.jpg|thumb|[[My Chemical Romance|MCR]] ROX!]]
[[File:Lord Voldemort's Figure.jpg|thumb|Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. &quot;I hath telekinesis.&quot;]]
*AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all [[Harry Potter (series)|da boox]]! dis is frum [[Harry Potter (films)|da movie]] ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! [[My Chemical Romance|MCR]] ROX!
*Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like [[W:Voldemort|Voldemort]] in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!
* &quot;[[W:Crookshanks|Crookshanks]]!&quot; I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.
* Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.
*&quot;How did you know?&quot; I asked in a surprised way. Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. &quot;I hath [[W:telekinesis|telekinesis]].&quot;&lt;ref&gt;Telekinesis is not mind-reading; the correct term is [[W:telepathy|telepathy]].&lt;/ref&gt; he answered cruelly.

==Chapter 10==
*AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out [[W:Hermione Granger|b'loody mary]] isn't a [[W:muggle|muggle]] afert al n she n [[W:Harry Potter (character)|vampire]] r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!
*I knew [[W:Draco Malfoy|Draco]] was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like [[W:The Corpse Bride|The Corpse Bride]].
*I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said [[W:Simple Plan|Simple Plan]] on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

==Chapter 11==
[[File:Severus Snape.jpg|thumb|Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And [[W:Remus Lupin|Loopin]] was [[W:mastication|masticating]] to it!]]
[[File:Pentagram4.svg|thumb|&quot;I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….&quot; Hargirid paused angrily. &quot;BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!&quot;]]
* Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And [[W:Remus Lupin|Loopin]] was [[W:mastication|masticating]] to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. &quot;EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!&quot; I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of [[Marilyn Manson|Marilyn Mason]] on it.
*&quot;[[W:Avada Kedavra|Abra Kedavra]]!&quot; he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. &quot;Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!&quot; he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… [[W:Hagrid|Hargrid]] ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
*&quot;I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….&quot; Hargirid paused angrily. &quot;BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!&quot;
*&quot;BECAUSE…BECAUSE….&quot; Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by [[50 Cent]]. &quot;Because you're goffic?&quot; Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. &quot;Because I LOVE HER!&quot;

==Chapter 12==
[[File:Flame (2672429705).jpg|thumb|2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?]]
[[File:Minerva McGonagall by ehay Hay.JPG|thumb|&quot;STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!&quot; shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.]]
*AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a [[Pedophilia|pedo]] 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu!
*&quot;That's not a spell that's an MCR song.&quot; I corrected him wisely.
*&quot;U c, Enobby,&quot; Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. &quot;2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?&quot;
* We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. &quot;STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!&quot; shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. &quot;Vampire you fucker!&quot; I said slapping him. &quot;Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!&quot; I shouted and then I ran away angrily. Just then he started to scream. &quot;OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!&quot;
*SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I

==Chapter 13==
* &quot;Dumbledore Dumblydore!&quot; we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. &quot;What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?&quot; he asked angrily. &quot;Volsemort has Draco!&quot; we shouted at the same time. He laughed in an evil voice. &quot;No! Don't! We need to save Draco!&quot; we begged. &quot;No.&quot; he said meanly. &quot;I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.&quot; he said while he frowned looking at me. &quot;Besides I never liked him that much anyway.&quot; then he walked away. Vampire started crying. &quot;My Draco!&quot; he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

==Chapter 14==
*WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
*&quot;Snaketail what art thou doing?&quot; called Voldemort. Then… he started coming!
*He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

==Chapter 16==
*We ran happily to [[W:Hogsmeade|Hogsmede]]. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. [[W:Death Eaters|Volsemort and da Death Dealers]]!
*B'loody Mary was standing there. &quot;[[Wiktionary:hajimemashite|Hajimemashite]] gurl.&quot; she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). &quot;BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.&quot; (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) &quot;It serves that fuking bich right.&quot; I laughed angrily. Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like [[The Nightmare Before Christmas|Das niteMARE b4 xmas]]. &quot;Maybe Willow will die too.&quot; I said. &quot;[[Kawaii|Kawai]].&quot; B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. &quot;Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a [[Necrophilia|necphilak]].&quot; &quot;Kawai.&quot; I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

==Chapter 17==
[[File:Gothic.svg|thumb|&quot;Hey bitch you look kawaii.&quot; she said.]]
*&quot;Hey bitch you look kawaii.&quot; she said. &quot;Yah but not as kawaii as you.&quot; I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be [[Anorexia nervosa|anorexic]].
* Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
*&quot;U moronic idiots!&quot; he shooted angstily. &quot;Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!&quot;
*Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed '[[Avril Lavigne|avril lavigne]]' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!

==Chapter 18==
*Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a [[Linkin Park]] song.

==Chapter 19==
*I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

==Chapter 20==
[[File:Dobby 2.jpg|thumb|Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and [[W:Dobby (Harry Potter)|Dobby]] was watching!1]]
*Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and [[W:Dobby (Harry Potter)|Dobby]] was watching!1 &quot;Oh my god you [[ludacris]] idiot!&quot; they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps.
* &quot;WTF is that why u wanted condoms?&quot; I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)
* &quot;WTF where'd Draco?&quot; I asked him. &quot;Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum.&quot; Vampire said shaking his hed. &quot;U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?&quot; Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather [[W:Sirius Black|Serious Blak]] had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR[[Satan|666]] on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

==Chapter 21==
*Draco was crying in da common room. &quot;Draco are u okay?&quot; I asked in a gothic voice. &quot;No I'm not u fuking bitch!&quot; he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. &quot;Its ok Enoby.&quot; said Vampire comfortly. &quot;Ill make him feel better.&quot; &quot;U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!&quot; I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. &quot;Draco please come!&quot; he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a [[W:homophone|homophone]] den fuk of!)
*And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor [[W:Argus Filch|Mr. Norris]] there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. &quot;WHOSE THERE!&quot; he shouted angrily. We saw [[W:Mrs. Norris|Filth]] come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

==Chapter 22==
[[File:Dolores Ombrage.jpg|thumb| &quot;YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!&quot; yelled [[W:Dolores Umbridge|Rumbridge]]. &quot;YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR [[Alzheimer's disease|ALZHEIMERS]] IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!&quot;]]
*&quot;Oh all right.&quot; I said smiling. &quot;But you have to tell me why your being all erective.&quot;
*&quot;THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!&quot; yelled [[W:Cornelius Fudge|Cornelia Fudge]]. &quot;YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!&quot; yelled [[W:Dolores Umbridge|Rumbridge]]. &quot;YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR [[Alzheimer's disease|ALZHEIMERS]] IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!&quot;

==Chapter 23==
[[File:Ardeotis kori Etosha.JPG|thumb|&quot;You fucking [[W:bustard|bustard]]!&quot; yelled Draco at Vampire. &quot;I want to shit next to her!1&quot;]]
*&quot;MR. WAY WHAT THE [[W:bleep censor|BEEP]] ARE YOU DOING!&quot; Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. &quot;Oops she made a mistake!&quot; he corrupted her. &quot;She means hi everybody cum in!&quot;
*&quot;You fucking [[W:bustard|bustard]]!&quot; yelled Draco at Vampire. &quot;I want to shit next to her!1&quot;
*&quot;No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!&quot; shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.
*&quot;No!&quot; he laughed crudely. &quot;Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!&quot; Then he flew away cackling.
*&quot;No!&quot; I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.
*&quot;Everyfing's all right Enoby.&quot; said Vampire all sensetive. &quot;No its not!&quot; I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. &quot;OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in [[The Ring Two|Da Ring 2]]!&quot;

==Chapter 24==
*&quot;OK class fucking dismissed every1.&quot; [[W:Professor Trelawney|Proffesor Trevolry]] said and she let every1 go. &quot;Except for you Britney.&quot; she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. &quot;Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3.&quot;
* &quot;Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.&quot; said Proffesor Sinister. &quot;Bye bitch.&quot; I said waving.

==Chapter 25==
*We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. &quot;OMFG Draco Draco!&quot; I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively.

==Chapter 26==
* &quot;Sire are dads have been shot!&quot; Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. &quot;Enoby had a vision in a dreem.&quot; Dubleodre started to cockle. &quot;Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?&quot; I glared at Dumbledore. &quot;Look motherfucker.&quot; he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). &quot;U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!&quot; &quot;Okay.&quot; he said in a intimated voice. &quot;Were are they?&quot; I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. &quot;[[London|Longdon]].&quot; 
*He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them.

==Chapter 27==
*&quot;Cum on Enoby.&quot; said Proffesor [[Frank Sinatra|Sinatra]]. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. &quot;I have to tell you the fucking perdition.&quot;

==Chapter 28==
* Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a [[Sylvester Stallone|stallone]]. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif. We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his [[Star Trek: The Original Series|spock]] in my you-know-what and passively we did it. &quot;I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.&quot; he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly…. &quot;WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!&quot; It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

==Chapter 29==
[[File:Minerva McGonagall (ehay Hay).jpg|thumb|&quot;CUM NOW!1!&quot; Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.]]
*&quot;Oh my satan!1&quot; we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily. &quot;CUM NOW!1!&quot; Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. [[Snoop Dogg|Snoop]] garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

==Chapter 30==
* &quot;No!11&quot; we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko!1!
* &quot;What the fuck r u doing!&quot; I shooted arngrily. [[Snoop Dogg|Snoop]] laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a [[W:Dark Mark|Dork Mark]] on his you-know-wut!11!
* &quot;You ridiculus dondderhed!111&quot; Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…. &quot;[[W:Cruciartis curse|Crosio]]!&quot; I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio. &quot;You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-&quot; shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. Snake put the whip behind his bak. &quot;Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing.&quot;

==Chapter 31==
[[File:Иллюстрация к эпопее Д.Р.Р.Толкина &quot;Властелин колец&quot; 05.jpg|thumb|In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like [[W:Mikey Way|Mikey Way]] only black. He had gren eyes like [[Billie Joe Armstrong|Billie Joe Amstrung]] and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif [[W:Vans (brand)|Vans]]. It was….[[W:Tom Bombodil|Tom Bombodil]]!1111]]
*&quot;You look fucking kawaii, bitch.&quot; B'loody Mary said. &quot;Fangs.&quot; I said.
*&quot;Good luk!1&quot; Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like [[W:Mikey Way|Mikey Way]] only black. He had gren eyes like [[Billie Joe Armstrong|Billie Joe Amstrung]] and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif [[W:Vans (brand)|Vans]]. It was….[[W:Tom Bombodil|Tom Bombodil]]!1111

==Chapter 32==
* &quot;u go to this skull?&quot;(geddit cos im goffik) he asked. &quot;yah that's why im here im NEW.&quot; I SMELLED HAPPili.

==Chapter 33==
*&quot;What happened 2 Snipe?&quot; I growled. &quot;U will see.&quot; Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife. &quot;NOOOO PLZ!1111&quot; Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically.
*  I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in [[W:Ju-On|Da Grudge]]. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. &quot;Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111&quot; I screemed passively as he got an eructation. &quot;I luv u TaEbory.&quot; he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.

==Chapter 34==
[[File:Flag of the Republic of Abkhazia.svg|thumb|They r in [[w:Abkhazia|Abkhazian]] now, lol.]]
* Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it. &quot;Hi Ibony.&quot; he said. &quot;Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office.&quot;
* &quot;So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?&quot; I asked Sorious flirtily. &quot;I fucking tortured them.&quot; he answered in a statistic way. &quot;They r in [[w:Abkhazia|Abkhazian]] now, lol.&quot;
* &quot;Where r Draco and Vampira?&quot; I muttered. &quot;Dey are xcused form skool 2day.&quot; Sodomize moaned sexily. &quot;Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.&quot;
* &quot;Whose he!11&quot; I asked. &quot;Oh, datz [[W:Professor Slughorn|Profesor Slutborn]].&quot; Satan said. &quot;He's da Portents teacher…..Ebony?&quot; &quot;Yah?&quot; I asked. &quot;Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing [[The Exorcist (film)|The Exercise]] at da movies b4 dat.&quot;

==Chapter 35==
*&quot;ORLY.&quot; I ESKED.
*&quot;Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. [[W:Spartacus|Spartacus]] plays da drums&quot; he said ponting to him. &quot;Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after [[W:Samara Morgan|Samara in da ring.]]&quot;
* &quot;Hey bastards.&quot; I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. &quot;But don't u have a lead singer!&quot; I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly. &quot;We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.&quot; &quot;Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1&quot; I gasped. &quot;Its okay but we need a new led snigger.&quot; Samaro said. &quot;Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself.&quot; &quot;Rilly?&quot; asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111
*&quot;Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?&quot; Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) [[Green Day|Gurn Day]].
* I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..[[Back to the Future|Morty Mcfli]]!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. &quot;What da hell r u dong here!11&quot; I asked. &quot;I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby.&quot; he said siriusly Den….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

==Chapter 36==
* &quot;OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11&quot; said Profesor Trevolry.
*We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111 &quot;Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111&quot; Draco shouted angrily. &quot;STFU!1&quot; shooted Cornelia Fuck. &quot;He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. &quot;Now do ur work!111&quot;
* &quot;HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11&quot; he shooted. I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

==Chapter 37==
*&quot;Oh he's cumming.&quot; said Serious. &quot;BTW u can kall me [[W:Hades|Hades]] now.&quot; Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak [[W:Convers|congres]] shoes, a [[W:Slipknot (band)|Slipnot]] t-shirt and a blak tie.

==Chapter 38==
* Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik.
* &quot;Kul.&quot; I raised my eye suggestingly. And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched. &quot;Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111&quot; shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. &quot;Fuk u!11&quot; I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood. &quot;Noooooo!11&quot; she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

==Chapter 40==
* &quot;Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?&quot; I asked gothikally. &quot;No Draco told me he wood be watching [[House of Wax (2005 film)|Hoes of Wax]].&quot; said Profesor Trevolry. &quot;He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1&quot;

==Chapter 41==
* &quot;OMFG Enoby r u ok.&quot; He asked gothikally. &quot;Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.&quot; I snapped sexily. &quot;OMG am I dedd?&quot; koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111
* &quot;Who da fuck is that?&quot; I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him. &quot;Dis is…[[Hedwig and the Angry Inch|Hedwig]]!11&quot; Sed Volximort. &quot;He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm. &quot;Hey Hedwig.&quot; I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b. &quot;Lol hi Enoby.&quot; He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming [[W:Welcome to the Black Parade|Welcum 2 da Blak Prade]] under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!)

==Chapter 42==
* AN: omg [[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows|da new book]] iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a [[W:Horcrux|horcrox]]!111&lt;ref&gt;Coincidentally, this prediction ended up being mostly correct.&lt;/ref&gt; omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den [[J. K. Rowling|JKR]] is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111
* &quot;Be quiet you Satanists.&quot; Dumbledore cockled. &quot;If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to [[W:Azkaban|Akazaban]]! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.&quot; He changed the song on da [[IPod|ipod]] 2 a [[W:Nsync|n'Sync]] song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.
* &quot;You dunderheads!1111111111&quot; screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.
* &quot;[[W:Cruciatus Curse|Crucious]]!1&quot; I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.

==Chapter 43==
* Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their [[Glock|glocks]] out except 4 me im a girl lol. &quot;Oh mi satan! Draco!&quot; I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. &quot;OMS!111&quot; cried Vampire. &quot;Oh Vampire! Vampire!&quot; I screamed screamed. &quot;Oh Satan!&quot; yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly….. ….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11

==Chapter 44==
* &quot;Dat's mi car!&quot; shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!
* What is da meaning of dis?&quot; Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik. &quot;Oh my goth!&quot; Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik) &quot;The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!&quot; Snape ejaculated&lt;ref&gt;This is a correct but archaic use of the term to mean “spoke abruptly”.&lt;/ref&gt; menacingly. &quot;You fucking preppy fags!&quot; Serious shouted angrily. &quot;I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!&quot; screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car.
* &quot;Save us Ebony!&quot; Dumbledark cried. I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent. &quot;ABRA KEDABRA!11111&quot; I shooted.
**Last lines of the fanfiction

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

==Notes==

[[Category:Harry Potter]]
[[Category:Fantasy books]]
[[Category:Romance novels]]
[[Category:Young adult fiction]]
[[Category:Time travel in media]]
[[Category:Fan fiction]]</text>
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    <title>Shameless (American TV series)/Season 4</title>
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:'''Season''' [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 3|3]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 4|4]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 5|5]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 6|6]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 7|7]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 8|8]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 9|9]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 10|10]] [[Shameless (American TV series)/Season 11|11]]| [[Shameless (American TV series)|'''Main''']]
----
'''''[[w:Shameless (American TV series)|Shameless]]''''' (2011–2021) is an American television drama series, airing on [[w:Showtime (TV channel)|Showtime]], about the dysfunctional family of Frank Gallagher, a single father of six children. While he spends his days drunk, his kids learn to take care of themselves. The series premiered on January 9, 2011 and concluded on April 11, 2021.

=== ''Simple Pleasures'' [4.01] ===
:'''Fiona''': Hey, Carl. Carl. Hey! You got [[w:Chicago Bears|any Bears stuff]] I can wear to the game today? A hat or jersey or something?
:'''Carl''': I got a Fuck [[w:Jay Cutler|Jay Cutler]] T-shirt. Might have blood on it though.
:'''Fiona''': Thanks, but no thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Debbie beats Carl to the occupancy of the bathroom'']
:'''Debbie''': Occupied!
:'''Carl''': Gotta take a piss.
:'''Debbie''': Go away.
:'''Fiona''': Use the downstairs bathroom. 
:'''Carl''': It's downstairs.
:'''Fiona''': You're young. You'll live. [''Carl walks down hallway''] No. Absolutely not. No more peeing off the balcony. [''Fiona goes outside and a stream goes near her''] What the fuck?! Carl! [''Waves to woman in her backyard''] Good morning, Mrs. Babiak. [''Carl comes down stairs''] There's a toilet right there. Mrs. Babiak doesn't need an anatomy lesson.
:'''Carl''': Mrs. Babiak's got my 18th birthday circled on her calendar.
:'''Fiona''': Use the toilet like a human.
:'''Carl''': Can I have Lip's old room?
:'''Fiona''': No. He's at college. Seriously, cut the shit with the nature whizzing or you won't live here anymore. [[w:Polish people|That pierogi-eating prune]] will call the cops. And no, you can't have Lip's old room.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fiona''': Frank's [[w:cockroach|a cockroach]]. [[w:Pest control|You can stomp on him, spray him, try and drown him]], but he always comes crawling back up out of the toilet bowl.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Agressive tailgater driving a SUV yelling misogynistic obscenities roars past Fiona when she changes to the right lane'']
:'''Fiona''':At least I don't have a tiny penis! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Debbie is speaking to Mandy at Milkovich residence front door'']
:'''Debbie''': Ian's still missing. Have you heard from him? 
:[''Mandy shakes head in a sorry-can't-help-you kind of way'']
:'''Debbie''': Nothing? Not even a call or a text? 
:'''Mandy''': Sorry. [''Mandy's face seems to say &quot;How naive are you? Can't you tell that I want you to go away?'']
:'''Debbie''': So you want to know how Lip's doing? 
:'''Mandy''': Not really. [''Mandy's face says &quot;I can't possibly care less about that douche'']
:'''Debbie''': He's in college.
:'''Mandy''': [''Mandy puts on a forced sarcastic smile''] Good for him! 
:[''Mandy's face then turns &quot;God, seriously?&quot; then slams door in Debbie's face then walks into kitchen with Mickey and a man going through stolen mail'']
:'''Mickey''': This is a bunch of bills, chink delivery menus and press-on-nail coupons. What mailboxes you robbing? Dearborn projects?
:'''Man sitting at kitchen table beside Mickey''': No, apartment complex over by Rush. There's an ATM card.
:'''Mickey''': Congratulations. It has no fucking pin number. What are you gonna do, rob the same mailboxes every day until they send the pin? [''Makes a look of absolute disgust to him'']
:'''Mickey''': [''To Svetlana''] Hey, you. This is all you made yesterday?
:'''Svetlana''': I give you everything.
:'''Mickey''': All $220? 
:[''Svetlana nods in a matter of factual way'']
:'''Mickey''': How many [[w:human penis|Johnsons]] [[w:handjob|did you squash]]? 
:'''Svetlana''': 17
:'''Mickey''': That's, like, 12 bucks a wank! [''To Mandy''] Who was at the door?
:'''Mandy''': Debbie Gallagher.
:'''Mickey''': What'd she want?
:'''Mandy''': She was looking for Ian. Seen him?
:'''Mickey''': Why do you care?
:'''Mandy''': I don't. Said Lip was doing good in college.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fiona''': I am almost done with the quarterly Midwest regional reports. Can I get them to you after lunch? No sweat.
:'''Connie''': Great.
:'''Fiona''': What?
:'''Connie''': You've been working here three months as of today.
:'''Fiona''': Wow, three months? Really? Great.
:'''Connie''': After 90 days your full benefits kick in. Medical, dental, pension.
:'''Fiona''': Really? That's fantastic.
:'''Connie''': So now it's time for the talk.
:'''Fiona''': The talk?
:'''Connie''': [''Sets binder on Fiona's desk and opens it''] [[w:401(k)|The 401 K talk]]. Have you decided which plan you'd like to adopt?
:'''Fiona''': What's a 401 K?
:'''Connie''': Your retirement savings plan. You're eligible to participate. Every month you deposit part of your salary into your 401 K and the company matches it, tax-free.
:'''Fiona''': Deposit part of my salary?
:'''Connie''': But the big decision is the asset allocation mix you decide to elect. Money market funds, bonds, stocks, large cap, small cap, treasuries. :'''Fiona''': You decide the risk profile you're willing to take, get your elective deferral documents notarized and you'll be all set. Easy peasy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Lip approaches his [[w:African-American|African-American]] [[w:Teaching assistant#Graduate|TA]]'']
:'''Lip''': Yeah, I don't understand my grade on this paper. That would be a D?
:'''Teaching Assistant''': Uh, yeah, I remember this one. I graded it.
:'''Lip''': Okay, so if you graded it, what was wrong with it? 
:'''Teaching Assistant''': Uh, it sucked.
:'''Lip''': It sucked? Um, look, I-I covered everything the assignment asked for. It was facile and glib.
:'''Teaching Assistant''': You danced around and you tried to be clever, but there were no compelling insights or any attempt at original thought.
:'''Lip''': Oh, original thought on [[w:Lord Byron|Byron]]'s [[w:Childe Harold's Pilgrimage|Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]? Look, nobody's had an original thought on Childe Harold since Queen Victoria was still getting laid.
:'''Teaching Assistant''': Look, this was crap, okay? You threw it together. You thought nobody would notice, but I noticed. Why are you taking this class anyway?
:'''Lip''': Because it was the only freshman English class available after noon.
:'''Teaching Assistant''': Well, look, you got another week to add/drop before you're stuck in here, all right? You don't want to work any harder than this piece of shit, I suggest you find yourself another course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Kevin goes by to visit Stan [[w:Nursing home|at the rest home]] only to discover him passed away'']
:'''Kev''': [''Walking down hallway''] Hey! What the fuck man! He's dead!
:'''Ward receptionist''': Which one?
:'''Kev''': Stan! Stan Kopchek!
:'''Ward receptionist''': Sorry for your loss. You family?
:'''Kev''': No. Yeah. Sort of.
:'''Ward receptionist''': Yeah, well, we're not supposed to tell people over the phone when a patient dies, so we usually just say they ain't feeling good.
:'''Kev''': He's fucking cold!
:'''Ward receptionist''': Yeah. It's Joaquin. He ain't never show up for his overnight shift so we don't know how long he's been laying up in there dead. You got a mortuary you need me to call for you? Pick up the body?

=== ''My Oldest Daughter'' [4.02] ===
:'''Alan''': When was the last time these things were cleaned? 
:'''Kev''': April. Here you go, Alan. Breakfast of champions. And some OJ if you'd like. Yeah, I wouldn't count on that expiration date, though. Not much use of orange juice in this place. 
:'''Alan''': Really, I'm good. Dad didn't age very well, did he? And he was in his 60s in those pictures. You should've seen him in his 80s. 
:'''Kev''': Whoa. Hey, man's dead. Have some respect. 
:'''Alan''':No, no, it's fine. He and I, I'm sure you know, didn't get along very well. You know, to be honest with you, I didn't even know you existed. 
:'''Kev''': He only mentioned having a daughter. 
:'''Kev''': ''[Chuckles]'' That would be me. 
:'''Lawyer''': When you're ready, we can begin. I have Stanley's will here, which I'd like to read to you. Um, but out of respect, you know, I'll skip some of the colorful language. Oh, no. Please, go ahead, read it. I'm sure we've all heard it before. Uh, I, Stanley Winston Kopchek, being of sound mind and body, leave to my sniveling, faggoty, fag of a fagorama daughter by the name of Alan Willard Kopchek my gun collection, in the hopes that she'll kill herself before she chugs another AIDS cock.
:'''Alan''': Not sure we all heard that before. 
:'''Lawyer''': And to the man who I wished had been born my son, Kevin Ball, I leave my beloved Alibi room. What? Oh, my. I knew it would be bad. I didn't know it would be that... Alan, I'm sorry. I had no idea. 
:'''Alan''': I'll contest the will. 
:'''Kev''': Absolutely, you should. He was probably drunk when he wrote it. 
:'''Lawyer''': Everything was done by the book.
:'''Alan''': You know what? Never mind. Let Kevin have the bar. 
:'''Kev''': Alan, are you-- are you sure? That doesn't seem fair. 
:'''Alan''': You... oh, come on, do you think the homophobes that come in this place are gonna take to me as the owner? You could always sell it. Okay, tell you what we'll do. Kevin, why don't you send me $500 a month for two years, about what I would've gotten if I had sold this shit hole? 
:'''Lawyer''': Okay. So I'll-- I'll write up the paperwork. I'll get you both a copy then. 
:'''Kev''': That sounds fair. Alan, thank you. I-I promise, I will uphold Stan's legacy. The good stuff, not all that &quot;faggoty, fag, AIDS cock&quot; stuff. 
:'''Alan''': Do you mind if I take dad? 
:'''Lawyer''': Of course. ''[Lawyer hands Alan the cremation urn and Alan throws it on the ground shattering it and whipping up a dusty cloud with all of theme coughing]'' 
:'''Alan''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kev''': Stan, you son of a bitch, you taught me that a man isn't a man unless he's loved a woman, eaten the heart out of a live goat, or ripped a German soldier's face off. One out of three ain't bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Holly''': [''Referring to pregnancy''] I better have a girl and not a stupid boy.
:'''Ellie''': No, you better abort that thing.
:'''Holly''': Too late.
:'''Ellie''': [''Turns to her with squinting eyes''] Never too late.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lip's tutor''': You and I breaking up? Oh, you're cute, but I'm your tutor.
:'''Lip''':So? 
:'''Lip's tutor''': That's like me being your babysitter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lip''': [''To tutor walking away''] You know, but if he doesn't, there's freshman cock right here, waiting for you.
:'''Lip's tutor''': [''Looking over shoulder to him''] Call me when it's grad school cock.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carl''': Hey.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': How can I help you?
:'''Carl''': I need a liver.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': What's wrong with yours?
:'''Carl''': It's for my father. His is rotting. It smells.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Oh, my, that ain't good. Is he on the donor list?
:'''Carl''': I don't think so. Can I sign him up?
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Your father would have to be seen by a specialist, and then, referred to us, so he can be put on the list.
:'''Carl''': Then he gets a liver?
:'''Hospital receptionist''': He'd have to wait for one to be available.
:'''Carl''': How long does that take?
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Sweetie, more than 17,000 people in the U.S. are on the liver transplant list.
:'''Carl''': That's a lot of dead livers you're gonna need.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Six thousand people are fortunate enough to get one each year.
:'''Carl''': What about the rest?
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Doesn't work out for everyone.
:'''Carl''': What's the point of being an organ donating center if you're not donating enough organs? 
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Someone from your family can donate a portion of their liver.
:'''Carl''': Me. I'll do it.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': You need to be over 18.
:'''Carl''': My brother and my sister are.
:'''Hospital receptionist''':  Well, that's a start. Why don't you find out if they're a blood match with your father?
:'''Carl''': I already know they are. My father only screwed a Mexican whore while he was with my mom and they can't get pregnant.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Everyone's blood type is different. Sometimes even if they're related. Take these at-home testing kits. Prick the person's finger, put a drop of blood on the enclosed card. It'll show their blood type.
:'''Carl''': Okay, thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lip''': Hey, you, you're, um-- you're that kid's older sister, right? 
:'''Gus' sister''': Oh, could you be a little more vague? 
:'''Lip''': Yeah, fuck. Sorry, um He wa-- he was my year at Lincoln Grove. Sorry.
:'''Gus' sister''': If you're talking about Gus, then yes.
:'''Lip''': Gus. Yeah, Gus. Yeah. Gus, that's right. Um, hey, hey, they let him out of Shawnee Correctional yet? 
:'''Gus' sister''': No, he got time added for being an idiot.
:...
:'''Gus' sister''': Who the hell are you? 
:'''Lip''': Uh, Lip.
:'''Gus' sister''': Lip-- Lip Gallagher. From Wallace Street.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, the one and only.
:...
:'''Lip''': Hey, what are you doing here? One of these rich frat boys need a date for the night, or-- 
:'''Gus' sister''': No, you asshole. I go to school here.
:'''Lip''': Oh, shit, seriously? 
:'''Gus' sister''': Seriously.Yeah, you're not the only smart fuck from the yards. There are four of us here. I guess five now, including you.
:'''Lip''': Shit, sorry. I-- you know, I didn't know.
:'''Gus' sister''': Yeah, I will let it slide.
:'''Lip''': Okay. So how's it going? How you doing in this place? 
:'''Gus' sister''': Yeah, not bad.
:'''Lip''': That's good.
:'''Gus' sister''': Yeah, I sucked ass my freshman year. It took me three semesters to catch up to what my classmates learned in high school. Unbelievable what a shitty education we got back home.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, hey, you want to walk over to the cafeteria with me? You know, I was gonna blaze up with one of the dishwashers.
:'''Gus' sister''': What? 
:'''Lip''': Yeah, you see, I was supposed to hook up with this other chick tonight, but then I got dissed. So, um, I was thinking maybe, you know, me and you, we could [[w:joint|smoke a fatty]], maybe [[w:sexual intercourse|bang one out]]? 
:'''Gus' sister''': Are you for real? 
:'''Lip''': Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
:'''Lip''': You see, that-- that's my roommate down there with his girlfriend, hitting the bong. You know, they're not gonna be back till, like, after midnight, so we're-- we're good.
:'''Gus' sister''': Wow, so you think that just because you were some hot shit back home that that hood rat attitude is gonna work here? 
:'''Lip''': Fuck. Excuse me for living. I didn't realize this place turned you into [[w:Disney princess|a fucking Disney princess]].
:'''Gus' sister''': No, fuck you. You're the kind of guy I came to college to get away from. [''She walks away'']
:'''Lip''': ''[Under his breath]'' Fuck you.
:[''Lip then starts scanning the room and makes eye contact with an obese hispanic girl'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''The obese hispanic girl is vigorously riding Lip's in his room'']
:'''Lip's one night stand''': [''Repeatedly''] Fuck me...!
:'''Lip''': Okay.
:'''Lip's one night stand''': Fuck me! 
:'''Lip''': Thought that's what I was doing.
:'''Lip's one night stand''': Ah! Yes, yes. Lord, have mercy!
:[''She suddenly stops and silently gets off Lip, promptly gets dressed and immediately leaves without saying a word'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carl''': Hi.
:'''Hospital receptionist''':  Oh, hey.
:'''Carl''': My dad's O-positive.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': What about your brother and sister?
:'''Carl''': Lip's AB.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Oh, that's too bad. And your sister?
:'''Carl''': She wouldn't give any blood.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Well, sometimes, people aren't willing to go through...
:'''Carl''': That's why I need you to test this. Think you can tell me her blood type from this?
:'''Hospital receptionist''': No. No, no, no.
:'''Carl''': Please. No boy should be raised without his father.
:'''Hospital receptionist''': Well, why didn't you touch it to the card and test it yourself?
:'''Carl''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fiona''': Ugh, Carl, please, please stop worrying about Frank. He is a black hole of endless need that will suck the life out of you.
:'''Carl''': [[w:Liver cirrhosis|His liver is rotting]]. He smells like a monkey cage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Veronica''': Then you are definitely having an abortion, mother. There's got to be an all-night clinic.
:'''Kev''': Over my dead sperm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Veronica''': You better get a ski mask and a getaway car, 'cause that's the only way we gonna be able to afford four babies.

=== ''Like Father Like Daughter'' [4.03]===
:'''Fiona''': That's the last time I let you choose the tunes in the morning.
:'''Mike''': Yeah, you just keep acting like you hate [[w:boy band|British boy bands]]. I think it's adorable.
:'''Fiona''': Everybody hates them. I'm sorry I'm not a 12-year-old girl.
:'''Mike''': Yeah, well, I usually don't go lower than 14. And, you know, next time we can listen to your gangsta rap.
:'''Fiona''': Since when is [[w:Kanye West|Kanye]] considered [[w:gangsta rap|gangsta rap]]?
:'''Mike''': Since always. Where'd you learn music? Mars?
:'''Fiona''': [''Walks up to Mike mimicking humping''] Your mom. Last time I banged her.
:'''Mike''': Oh, yeah? That makes a lot more sense. She has awful taste.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheila''': Oh, wow, I got poked. I got poked. I got poked by the American-Indian that I poked yesterday. What do we do? &quot;We have a lot in common. [[w:native American|I am full-blooded Kickapoo Indian]]. I love laughter, food, scenic views, and the Lord. Let's talk.&quot; [''Gasps''] Now what?
:'''Debbie''': Uh, ask him if he's DTF.
:'''Sheila''': DTF. What does that even mean? Okay. I got to ask him if he's DTF.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Frank visits a [[w:Cannabis dispensaries in the United States|cannabis dispensary]]'']
:'''Dispensary clerk''': Wow, you're in bad shape.
:'''Frank''': Well, tell me something I don't know.
:'''Dispensary clerk''': Could I see your card?
:'''Frank''': Yes. It's legit, too. Not like these whiners.
:'''Dispensary clerk''': Are you looking for anything specific?
:'''Frank''': Yeah. Something to make me not feel like I'm being stabbed repeatedly by a small army of knife-wielding Neo-Nazis.
:'''Dispensary clerk''': Well, we have Irene Kush for chronic arthritis. Sour Diesel for anxiety and panic attacks. Big Buddha Cheese for muscle spasms.
:'''Frank''': What about for fatal liver damage?
:'''Dispensary clerk''': We don't recommend bud for cirrhosis. Studies show a higher rate of moderate to severe fibrosis, or tissue scarring, in regular...
:'''Frank''': Okay, fine. Let's skip the FDA warning. Give me an ounce of the Buddha. And a med-ibles menu. [''Hands over cash wad''] And some samples. Free samples.
:'''Dispensary clerk''': I... um... this'll get you, like, an eighth of low-grade schwag and two cookies.
:'''Frank''': Sold.

=== ''Strangers on a Train'' [4.04] ===
:[''Fiona is on the toilet]''
:'''Fiona''': Jesus, I'm raising five kids and I didn't miss last week. What's your excuse? ''[Calls out]'' Carl!
:...
:'''Holly''': Bam, you drop trou and [[w:Pig latin|expos-ay some sex-ay.]]
:[''Debbie and appears in doorway with excessively shiny dress'']
:'''Debbie''': Does this make you cray?
:'''Matty''': Uhhh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Debbie''': So, yeah, Matty and I spent the whole night like that, spooning.
:'''Holly''': You see Billy Fergus? Ellie said he's here.
:'''Debbie''': It was really sweet. He made me breakfast.
:'''Holly''': Wake me up when you get to the good part. You clean out your cabbage patch with Purell afterwards?
:'''Debbie''': What?
:'''Holly''': It keeps you from getting knocked up. Gets the little swimmers so drunk, they can't find the egg.
:'''Debbie''': Um... No. Well, sex, we didn't have it. Matt said that we should...
:'''Sam/Seth''': I got your frappucino, Holly.
:'''Holly''': It better be caramel. Okay, go.
:'''Debbie''': Who's that?
:'''Holly''': Sam? Seth? Who cares? I tell him what to do, he does it.
:'''Debbie''': Why?
:'''Holly''': He thinks I'll maybe give him a quickie in the bathroom. He's lucky I let him be seen near me. There's Billy. How do I look?
:'''Debbie''': Slutty.
:'''Holly''': Thanks.
:'''Debbie''': Wait, Holly. Is it bad that Matty said it wasn't the right time?
:'''Holly''': He said that? &quot;It's not the right time&quot;?
:'''Debbie''': What does it mean?
:'''Holly''': I don't know. I've never had a guy say that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank''': Fucking candy striper giving a look like I'm a fucking degenerate. [[w:Pharoah|Egyptian royals]], [[w:Inca Empire|Incas]], [[w:King Arthur|King Arthur]], they all kept it in the family. We probably still would if Oedipus hadn't ruined it for all of us. So fine, cast the first stone. But let me ask you. If we all came from just [[w:Adam and Eve|Adam and Eve in the beginning]], well, you do the math.
:'''Veronica''': Frank, can you please keep the nonsense rambling down to a minimum? Some of us have problems that we're trying to figure out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Debbie''': He's so nice and I really like him. I think it's time we take it to the next level.
:'''Mandy''': How old are you now?
:'''Debbie''': Thirteen.
:'''Mandy''': What took you so long? 
:'''Debbie''': This is why I came to you. You get it. Fiona wants me to stay a little girl forever.
:'''Mandy''': So, what's stopping you?
:'''Debbie''': He said he wasn't ready. What does that mean?
:'''Mandy''': He's older?
:'''Debbie''': Mm-hm, he's 20.
:'''Mandy''': Wow.
:'''Debbie''': Thanks.
:'''Mandy''': He doesn't wanna get in trouble. He needs to know that you're totally cool with it and won't go running to the cops afterwards.
:'''Debbie''': The cops?
:'''Mandy''': [[w:Statutory rape|Statutory rape.]] Some old school shit left over from when women wore corsets and didn't carry mace.
:'''Debbie''': Hmm?
:'''Mandy''': Sure you're ready? So let him know.
:'''Debbie''': But how?
:[''Mandy's boyfriend comes in the room'']
:'''Kenyatta''': Hey, babe, I'm out.
:'''Mandy''': Watch.
:'''Kenyatta''': Oh, again? I'm gonna be late for work. Oh, come on, girl.
:'''Debbie''': It's okay. I don't think I'd be able to do that.
:'''Mandy''': So just send him a selfie.
:'''Debbie''': A selfie?
:'''Mandy''': You know, a picture?
:'''Debbie''': Okay. ''[Chuckles]''
:...
:[''Robbie greets Fiona at the front door'']
:'''Fiona''': What do you think you're doing?
:'''Robbie''': Making ramen. Want some?
:'''Fiona''': I told you to stop texting me.
:'''Robbie''': Did you?
:'''Fiona''': Uh-huh. What part of stop do you not understand?
:'''Robbie''': What are you doing here?
:'''Fiona''': Trying to get it through your thick skull that this is over.
:'''Robbie''': Is it?
:'''Fiona''': Yes. 
:'''Robbie''': Well, I mean, you could've... [''clears throat''] you could've called, or texted. Or used [[w:Facebook|Facebook]]. [''Leans into Fiona getting romantic undoing her shirt'']
:'''Fiona''': I'm not on Facebook.
:'''Robbie''': No? [''Fiona leaps onto Robbie in passionate kissing and Robbie brings her to bed'']
:'''Mike''': [''Knocks on door''] Yo, Robbie, it's me.
:'''Robbie''': Did you know he was coming over?
:'''Fiona''': No.
:'''Mike''': I hear you moving around in there. Come on, open up.
:'''Fiona''': Oh, my God. What are you doing?
:'''Robbie''': Mike's at the door. [''Puts on clothes'']
:'''Fiona''': Oh, well, don't answer it. [''Gets off bed and hides'']
:'''Mike''': Robbie.
:'''Robbie''': Coming! [''Opens door'']
:'''Mike''': Hey.
:'''Robbie''': Hey. Hey. Were you in the neighborhood?
:'''Mike''': Yeah, sorry. I probably should have called.
:'''Robbie''': That's all right. What's up?
:'''Mike''': Wanted to know what you went and saw Dad about today.
:'''Robbie''': None of your damn business. 
:'''Mike''': How much you ask him for, Robbie?
:'''Robbie''': Can I get you a drink? Let me get you a drink. You know the money he gives you comes right out of the company that I bust my ass to make profitable? That makes it my business. I got a [[w:Red Bull|Red Bull]] and a half a [[w:Sprite|Sprite]], but I can't vouch for how long it's been in there.
:'''Mike''': Dad takes the money he gives you out of his retirement account.
:'''Robbie''': Got water, but not the fancy kind.
:'''Mike''': Whatever's fine, I don't care.
:'''Robbie''': Well, you sure you just don't want to look in the fridge?
:'''Mike''': All right, that's fine. 
:'''Robbie''': Oh, wait. Got a bottle. [[w:Bubly Sparkling Water|Bubbles]]. I know what you like, right? Listen, I know you think that they're rich, but they don't have nearly as much as you think they do.
:...
:[''Mandy greets Lip at the front door'']
:'''Lip''': Hey. You look good.
:'''Mandy''': Yeah, my boyfriend thinks so.
:'''Lip''': Boyfriend, huh?
:'''Mandy''': What are you doing here?
:'''Lip''': Just saying hi. You know I smashed up a bunch of car windows at school today?
:'''Mandy''': Hammer?
:'''Lip''': No, it was a pipe bender, actually. Got chased by the cops. Well, campus security, but still...
:'''Mandy''': Did they catch you?
:'''Lip''': What do you think? Anyway, it made me think of you.
:'''Mandy''': Random destruction makes you think of me?
:'''Lip''': Yeah, it was, uh... It was beautiful.
:'''Mandy''': What do you want?
:'''Lip''': I don't know. I, um... I almost called you a couple of times. I figured you were doing your own thing. I just missed you. Is your boyfriend here?Hey, who are all those chicks in your living room?
:'''Mandy''': [[w:Prostitutes|Hookers]].
:'''Lip''': Hookers?
:'''Mandy''': Mickey's wife. Long story.
:'''Lip''': Okay.
:[''They are having sex'']
:'''Lip''': Man, I almost forgot how good this feels.
:'''Mandy''': Oh, God.
:'''Lip''': Shit.
:'''Mandy''': Sorry. I didn't mean for that to be a sprint. Not getting any from the white bread sorority sluts?
:'''Lip''': It's not the same. 
:'''Mandy''': You got any cash on you?
:'''Lip''': Yeah, yeah. There might be something down there. I don't know, I'm not exactly raking it in bussing dishes at the student union.
:'''Mandy''': Yeah, I need the morning-after pill. Or not. I think I'm ovulating. My tits are sore. I could have just used one of those condoms. The Kenyatta's [[w:Trojan (brand)|Trojan Magnums]] would have slipped right off of your skinny, little, white Johnson.
:'''Lip''': Ouch. Harsh.
:'''Mandy''': Six bucks?
:'''Lip''': Yeah. So skip the pill.
:'''Mandy''': Fuck you. You know how much an abortion costs now?
:'''Lip''': No, roll the dice. You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, having a little ghetto rug rat running around.
:'''Mandy''': That's not funny.
:'''Lip''': I'm serious.
:'''Mandy''': Yeah, that's just what I need. Raising your bastard kid in the hood while you bang co-eds in the back of a robotics lab.
:'''Lip''': Not gonna be any co-eds or any robotics lab.
:'''Mandy''': Why?
:'''Lip''': Well, the place is bullshit. It's just like I said it would be. I'm bailing.
:'''Mandy''': You're quitting? You know how hard I worked to get you in there? 
:'''Lip''': Then you go.
:'''Mandy''' :I don't think they'd accept my 1 .2 GPA. You can't just bail.
:'''Lip''': Drop it, okay?
:'''Mandy''': You came to me, asshole.
:'''Lip''': Look, I'm sorry, all right? I felt like shit. I thought this would be fun, not an interrogation.
:'''Mandy''': So what, whenever you feel like shit or wanna quit, you figure you're gonna hop on the L and come and knock me up?
:'''Lip''': That was my mistake.It won't happen again.
:'''Mandy''': Shithead.
:'''Lip''': Skank.
:'''Lip''': You know, I hate being the bad guy.
:'''Mandy''': But you're so good at it.
:'''Lip''': All right, think about what I said, yeah?
:'''Mandy''': Mm-hm.
:'''Lip''': All right. Thanks. You serious? Come on.
:'''Mandy''': All right. Bye.
:'''Lip''': Later.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lip''': It's 50 grand a year for four years of frat parties, you know, intellectual circle jerks, speed reading 300-year-old novels that'll be forgotten the second the test is over, all because, you know, we're told we can't succeed in the world without a piece of paper. You know, and it's bullshit. [[w:Bill Gates|Bill Gates]] [[w:Harvard|dropped out]]. [[w:Steve Jobs|Steve Jobs]]. 
:'''Kevin''': [[w:United Center|That's that center for the Blackhawks]]?
:'''Lip''': Yeah, you know, it just all one big collegiate scam. 
:'''Kevin''': I'm glad that place didn't turn you into an elitist prick.
:'''Lip''': No, still a Southside prick like all the rest of you.
:'''Mickey''': [''Enters Alibi Room''] Jesus Christ, Russian whores know how to run their mouths when there ain't some dude's junk jammed in there. [''To Lip''] Weren't you supposed to be at college or some shit?
:'''Lip''': Nope, packing up my Kant and Milton Friedman. I'm done with all that crap.
:...
:'''Kevin''': You were joking, right, about not going back to college?
:'''Lip''': Serious. I'm done.
:'''Kevin''': I was hoping you were blowing off some steam.
:'''Lip''': Well, the truth is, it's not only up to me. My grades suck. But the only reason I'm going back there is to pack my shit and split.
:'''Kevin''': So you quit. Then what?
:'''Lip''': I'll figure it out. [''Kevin scoffs''] What?
:'''Kevin''': Grow a pair.
:'''Lip''': Excuse me? 
:'''Kevin''': You heard me. Tough it out, man. What are you, a pussy? It's like I said. It's not only up to me. You're resourceful. You'll figure it out.
:'''Lip''': Look, Kev, this is the first good day I've had since I left for that shithole.
:'''Kevin''': Lip, do you want to end up like me? Clawing for every penny, praying that you can figure out some way to support your family? Because that's what I'm going through. I got bills up to my ass and let me tell you something. It fucking sucks. Well, you're resourceful. You'll figure it out.
:'''Lip''': All right. College is a racket, huh? 
:'''Kevin''': Well, guess what? There's no one better at beating the system than you. Hell, man, you got them to give you four fucking years for free. Why don't you get your damn diploma, spit in their faces and have a fucking future?
:'''Lip''': Kev, I am trying to drink my beer, enjoy being back home.
:'''Kevin''': This isn't your home. It's where you grew up. It's not where you're supposed to be.
:'''Lip''': And what, now you're the arbiter on where everybody's supposed to be?
:'''Kevin''': Yeah, maybe, if I knew what arbiter meant.
:'''Lip''': I'm getting pretty damn tired of everybody telling me where I should be and what I should be doing.
:'''Kevin''': Then stop making them have to! Grow the fuck up!
:'''Lip''': Um... Thanks for the beers, Kev.
:'''Kevin''': Yeah, you're welcome.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Veronica''': Why'd you go over there in the first place? 
:'''Fiona''': To tell him to knock it off.
:'''Veronica''': Could have called.
:'''Fiona''': You're taking his side?
:'''Veronica''': Please, you wanted a hit, you little smack head.
:'''Fiona''': I did not.
:'''Veronica''': Really? Did you get that little tingle when you stepped up to his front door?
:'''Fiona''': Maybe. What do you want me to say, that I'm self-destructive? That liars and thieves and addicts turn me on? That I don't know how to do a normal relationship?
:'''Veronica''': Was that so hard?
:'''Fiona''': The worst part is I keep checking my phone to see if he's texted. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me?
:'''Veronica''': [''Glances at medical supply cabinet''] Who the hell broke into my pills?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sammi''': Um... good news and bad news.
:'''Frank''': Okay, good?
:'''Sammi''': I sent Chuckie to the neighbor's so we can be alone tonight.
:'''Frank''': Great. Uh, what's the bad?
:'''Sammi''': We're not a match.
:'''Frank''': What?
:'''Sammi''': The transplant lady said [[w:white blood cells|my white blood cells]] [[w:Graft-versus-host disease|attacked yours]].
:'''Frank''': Why the fuck did they do that?
:'''Sammi''': Oh, I don't know. I'm so sorry.
:'''Frank''': Sorry? What the hell does...? Good does that do me? I need a liver, not a goddamn apology.
:'''Sammi''': Frank.
:'''Frank''': Do you know what I've been through? I shattered my leg in six places. I stopped drinking.
:'''Sammi''': I know you're disappointed...
:'''Frank''': Just one small piece of liver, that's all I need. But no. Thank you, God. Thank you for the cosmic fuck you. Even my own daughter isn't a match.
:'''Sammi''': What?
:'''Frank''': Anything else you wanna throw at me? How about [[w:flesh eating diseae|a flesh-eating virus]], huh? Wanna toss that in?
:'''Sammi''': What did you say?
:'''Frank''': What?
:'''Sammi''': Your... daughter?
:'''Frank''': I didn't say that.
:'''Sammi''': Yes, you did.
:'''Frank''': No. Oh, fuck it. What's the use? Hate me now, hate me later, you all hate me eventually. And for what? What did I ever do to you?
:'''Sammi''': You're my dad? I almost put you in my mouth.
:'''Frank''': I didn't ask you to do that.
:'''Sammi''': You dry-humped my thigh for half an hour yesterday.
:'''Frank''': Dry-humping is not incest. Shit.
:'''Sammi''': Get out.
:'''Frank''': What are you yelling about?! I'm the one not getting a liver!
:'''Sammi''':[''Ferociously screams''] Get! Out! [''She throws him out of her trailer'']

=== ''There's The Rub'' [4.05] ===
:[''Recap flashbacks of the cold open'']
:'''Lip''': You let some dude finger you last night on the El?
:'''Fiona''': You make it sound so filthy. And he's not just any dude.
:'''Lip''': No, he's your boyfriend's brother!
:...
:'''Frank''': Get on. [''Carl jumps on Frank's leg, he exclaims and then goes back to sleep'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Fiona drives to meet Robbie at a motel'']
:'''Robbie''': You're wondering why I picked this corner?
:'''Fiona''': I'm really not. Well, it's 'cause-- You call me when I'm with Mike. Text me when I'm with Mike. How about we just cut out the middleman, which is me, and you can fuck your brother?
:'''Robbie''': I'm bringing you there. 
:'''Fiona''': No. You're going on with your life, I'm--
:'''Robbie''': Oh, this motel? It's classy. Rooms by the hour. That's why it's fun. 
:'''Fiona''': You know how last time when I told you to stop texting me and it turned into sex? This isn't that. I don't know why it took me this long to start hating myself, but I got there. It's a shitty feeling. I'm not punishing you or blaming you. I just really need this to end.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Lip is in a public washroom stall when two Army MPs approach'']
:'''Army MP''': Phillip Gallagher?
:'''Lip''': Yeah, who's asking?
:'''Army MP''': Fort Dearborn Military Police. Can you step out of the stall please?
:'''Lip''': You know, I'm gonna be busy for a while, but you can join me if you want to wipe my ass.
:[''Army MPs grab the washroom stall and force it open and drag out Lip'']
:'''Lip''': Wait, what the fuck, man? Hey, hey!
:'''Army MP''': Sergeant, wait! You're Phillip Gallagher?
:'''Lip''': Jesus, what the hell's going on? Or do you get off on watching guys taking a dump?
:[''Holds up card'']
:'''Army MP''': Is that your social security number?
:'''Lip''': Blow me. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck.
:'''Army MP''': Do you know this man?
:'''Lip''': No, I've never seen him before in my life.
:'''Army MP''': Any idea how he got a hold of your name and social security number?
:'''Lip''': No, but it's pretty scary, you know? I'm feeling pretty fucking violated over here. What's he, uh, what's he wanted for? 
:'''Army MP''': For impersonating you, apparently. Also for attempted theft of government property and being away without leave.
:'''Lip''': Wow, no shit. What did he try and steal?
:'''Army MP comrade''': Helicopter. Surface-to-air missile. Army issue boxer bris.
:'''Army MP''': Sergeant! Mr. Gallagher, we may need you to testify. We'll be in touch.
:'''Lip''': Well, at ease, gentlemen. I've always wanted to say that.
:...
:'''Lip''': Hey, um, you guys heard anything from Ian?
:'''Carl''': Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn't even care.
:'''Lip''': What about the US army. You hear anything from them?
:[''Flashback of Carl answering Army MPs at the front door'']
:'''Army MP''': We're looking for Phillip Gallagher. 
:'''Carl''': He's at college.
:...
:'''Carl''': No. Why the army?
:'''Lip''': 'Cause Ian joined up.
:'''Carl''': Cool. Is he old enough?
:'''Lip''': No, he used my name and social when he signed up, and then he tried to steal a helicopter and a bunch of other shit. Went AWOL.
:'''Carl''': Helicopter? Awesome.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Robbie opens apartment door and is punched in the face by Fiona'']
:'''Fiona''': Tell me what you told Mike!
:'''Robbie''': The truth! He needed to know. [''Fiona kicks him in the crotch''] Oh! 
:'''Fiona''': Oh, that was for his sake? How generous.
:'''Robbie''': I did you a favor, okay?
:'''Fiona''': Fuck you. 
:'''Robbie''': You don't want to be with him.
:'''Fiona''': You don't know shit about me. [''Spits in his face and walks out'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Mandy opens her bedroom door to find a Russian prostitute with her john'']
:'''Russian girl's john''': Oh! Shit!
:'''Mandy''': You've got to be kidding me. [''Smashing glass is heard with all the Russian women and Mickey at alert''] 
:'''Russian girl's john''': [''Runs out of room nude and down hall''] Ah!
:'''Mickey''': Uh, 'scuse, hey, you mind not swinging that shit around?! You're gonna fuckin' hurt someone!
:'''Mandy''': [''Comes up to Mickey's face pointing a hammer in his face'']This is your fault!
:'''Mickey''': Mine?!
:'''Mandy''': I'm practically tripping over these bitches. I want them gone, now! I was gone ten fucking minutes!

=== ''A Jailbird, Invalid, Martyr, Cutter, Retard, and Parasitic Twin'' [4.07]=== 
:'''Mickey''': Hey, what the hell are you doing here? 
:'''Kevin''': I need a gun.
:'''Mickey''': Who you gonna kill? 
:'''Kevin''': [[w:after-shave|You wearing cologne]]? 
:'''Mickey''':  No. It's Kenyatta's perfume soap shit.
:'''Kevin''': You use another dude's soap? 
:'''Mickey''': So, what? 
:'''Kevin''': It's got pubes on it.
:'''Mickey''': No, it doesn't.
:'''Kevin''': Yes, it does. What guy doesn't have pubes on his soap? 
:'''Mickey''': My soap doesn't have pubes on it.
:'''Kevin''': Well, obviously, you're not washing your pubes.
:'''Mickey''': You came all the way down here to talk about my pubes? 
:'''Kevin''':Just give me a gun.
:'''Mickey''': You run a bar on the South Side. How the fuck do you not have a gun? 
:'''Kevin''': Not everyone's a thug.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gay club bartender''': You think you're the first one to come in here boo-hooing about some cocktail s*** who jacked you off in the bathroom, told you it was true love, and then disappeared? Trust me. You're not. So why don't you buy yourself a drink and fall in love with somebody else? 
:'''Mickey''': You calling me gay? 
:'''Gay club bartender''': Oh. Please, honey. You make [[w:Justin Bieber|Justin Bieber]] look straight.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kevin''': All right, listen up. Bar got robbed this morning.
:'''Bar patron''': Yeah? What'd they take? The cocktail napkins? ''[bar laughs]'' 
:'''Kevin''': $600, for your information. So who stole it? I give up. Who? No, not who stole it, like, guess who stole it. Who stole it like which one of you f****** stole my money? 
:'''Bar patron''': Why do you think we stole your money? 
:'''Kevin''': Because you knew where I hid it.
:'''Bar patron''': Where? 
:'''Kevin''': In the damn keg! 
:'''Bar patrons''': Ooh. We do now.
:'''Kevin''': I said, ''[holds up a [[w:Revolver|revolver]]]'' who stole my money.
:''[All the guns of the bar patrons are held out and cocked]'' 
:'''Kevin''': What, everyone has a gun? 
:'''Kermit''': Bible says we have the right to bear arms.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''Fiona''': Smells good.
:'''Lip''': Yeah.
:'''Fiona''': Where'd you get all this stuff?
:'''Lip''': School.
:'''Fiona''': Thanks. [Clears throat] So, I had my prelim hearing.
:'''Lip''': Oh, yeah?
:'''Fiona''': Yeah. My lawyer's gonna try to get me probation if I plead guilty.
:'''Lip''': Okay.
:'''Fiona''': Might have to serve a little time though.
:'''Lip''': Yeah? How long?
:'''Fiona''': 90 days or less.
:'''Lip''': All right. I suppose we'll manage.
:'''Fiona''': Or I could go to trial.
:'''Lip''': Why would you want to do that?
:'''Fiona''': Why wouldn't I do that?
:'''Lip''': Because you'll get convicted.
:'''Fiona''': You don't know that.
:'''Lip''': Yes, I do.
:'''Fiona''': I made a mistake.
:'''Lip''': You're guilty.
:'''Fiona''': It was an accident.
:'''Lip''': You almost killed Liam!
:'''Fiona''': You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm blaming myself enough already so I need you to do it too? [Sighs]
:'''Lip''': So how long are you in prison if, ah, if you lose?
:'''Fiona''': Five years.
:'''Lip''': So that makes me almost 25, still at home, taking care of the kids.
:'''Fiona''': I know I can win.
:'''Lip''': Ghetto chick leaves her drսg addict boyfriend's coke out for her three-year-old brother to eat. Half a gram in the system. Yeah, you're right. You can totally win.
:'''Fiona''': I didn't do it on purpose.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, but you did it!
:'''Fiona''': [Sighs] (again) I turned my back, for, like, two seconds, and now my life is ruined? How is that fair?
:'''Lip''': You're his guardian. You signed up for this.
:'''Fiona''': I can't go back to jail.
:'''Lip''': Of course, this is all about you.
:'''Fiona''': Yes, it's about me. Okay, 'cause it's never about me and I'm finally making it about me.
:'''Lip''': So what, I'm supposed to drop out of school you do five years?
:'''Fiona''': I'M NOT GUILTY!
:'''Lip''': LIAM NOT DIED! And that was you! All f****** you! Your coke, your boyfriend, your f***** up life! It's not mine. All right.
:'''Carl''': Frank's passed out up in the bathroom.
:'''Lip''': Oh, f*ck. S***. He's shooting heroin now.
:'''Carl''': Is he dead?
:'''Lip''': No, unfortunately not.
:'''Fiona''': Oh, my God.
:'''Lip''': Carl, grab his legs.
:'''Carl''': He s*** himself.
:'''Lip''': All right, use a f****** towel. I got him. You got him?
:'''Carl''': Where we taking him?
:'''Lip''': Where we always do-- street.
:'''Sammi''': What's going on?
:'''Chuckie''': It smells up here.
:'''Lip''': Good. You're home. You deal with him.
:'''Sammi''': Daddy? What happened?
:'''Fiona''': He's unconscious.
:'''Sammi''': Must have had too many oxys.
:'''Lip''': Save it. All right? Just get him the f*ck out of the house.
:'''Sammi''': What?
:'''Lip''': I warned you. Now go! Carl, come here. Get rid of any evidence in Frank's room, all right?
:'''Sammi''': He is too sick to leave the house.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, no s***! You just let him s**** a bunch of f****** H!
:'''Sammi''': He was in pain.
:'''Lip''': What if the social worker had showed up right now?
:'''Sammi''': But she didn't.
:'''Lip''': These kids would've been taken away. And what do you care, huh? You just want to make nicey-nicey with daddy. You get the **** out of my house!
:'''Sammi''': Fiona.
:'''Fiona''': You have to go, Sammi.
:'''Sammi''': Pops? Oh, God.

=== ''Hope Springs Eternal'' [4.08] ===
:[''Ian has brought to Mickey to an upscale single-men-meeting-single-men party in downtown Chicago'']
:'''Ian''': Hey, this is Mickey.
:'''Host''': Delighted to meet you. Uh, could I get either of you [[w:cocktail|a cocktail]]? 
:'''Mickey''': Yeah, you got [[w:Beer|beer]]? 
:'''Host''': I've got some [[w:Craft beer|Craft Brews]], [[w:Stout|a Stout]], [[w:India pale ale|IPA]], [[w:Winter wheat|Winter Wheat]].
:'''Mickey''': How about beer? 
:'''Host''': Right. Could I be any more of a [[w:Faggot|fag]]? One beer coming up. Ian? 
:'''Ian''': Let's see what you got.
:'''Guest''': [''Approaches''] You're new. Hi.
:'''Mickey''': Hey.
:'''Guest''': You here with Ian? 
:'''Mickey''': Yeah. 
:'''Guest''': He's great. So what do you do for living? 
:'''Mickey''': I run a business.
:'''Guest''': What kind of business? 
:'''Mickey''': [[w:Hospitality industry|Hospitality]].
:'''Guest''': Oh, nice. What realm? 
:'''Mickey''': I'm a [[w:Procuring (prostitution)|pimp]].
:'''Guest''': Wait, you're serious? That's incredible. My dissertation is on [[w:Transgender sex workers|transgender sex work and symbolic interactionism within the framework of hustler-client relations]]. You [[w:Business card|got a card]]?
:[''Mickey just stares at the guest as if the guest is mentally disabled'']
:'''Lip''': Hey, what are you doing?
:'''Fiona''': Finding ways to make money from home.
:''Lip''': Huh. Hey, is something burning? Smell that?
:'''Fiona''': Oh, sh*t. Oh, s**t! s**t! [Laughing]
:'''Veronica''': S**t
:'''Fiona''': Oh, my God. Oh, sh*t. 
:[''Smoke alarm beeping'']
:'''Fiona''': Fire in the hole.
:'''Veronica''': Not my hole. [''Both laughing'']
:You just let it burn?
:'''Fiona''': We got distracted.
:'''Veronica''': Oh, God. Ugh.
:'''Lip''': [''He turned around and see two bottles of vodka that she is drinking too much''.] You're s***faced.
:'''Fiona''': Since when is a felony for a Gallagher to drink?
:'''Veronica''': Calm down. It's my fault. I brought the vodka.
:'''Lip''': Oh, and poured it down her throat?
:'''Fiona''': You're the one who told me to relax. SOMEBODY SHUT THAT THING UP! [She continued laughing]
:[''Smoke alarm continues beeping'']
:'''Lip''': F***. Burn the house down, okay? Burn the food too, you know, I can always steal some more from my s***** work-study job, right?
:'''Fiona''': I'm going through something here.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, it looks like you went through about five beverages in an hour, Fiona. Have another one. Why not? You're your own woman. Right? No, bang the boss's brother. Leave coke out on the table for the kids. Get arrested. Do whatever the f*** you need to do. I've got this. Hey, Carl, go upstairs, get your toothbrush and something to sleep in.
:'''Fiona''': He has the suspension meeting tomorrow.
:'''Lip''': Oh, no worries. No worries. I'll get him to Shelia's on time. Stay up all night studying? I mean, what the f***? It's just an applied physics quiz. Where's Debbie?
:'''Fiona''': She's at Sheila's with Sammi.
:'''Kevin''': Veronica!
:'''Veronica''': Yeah.
:'''Kevin''': You're not answering your phone?
:'''Veronica''': I didn't hear it. What's up?
:'''Kevin''': Carol. She's in labor.
:'''Veronica''': What. Oh, s***. Wish us luck.
:'''Kevin''': There's something burning.
:'''Lip''': Let's go Carl.
:'''Fiona''': Go-- no. Hey, come on. Lip, please. You don't have to take them.
:'''Lip''': You're right. I don't.
:'''Fiona''': Come on. What about dinner?
:'''Lip''': Enjoy. [''As he leaves the house with Liam'' and close the door]
:'''[Smoke alarm continues beeping]'''
:'''Fiona''': [Sighs] Shut up! [Screams]
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Frank and Carl are in a meeting with all the boys Carl has assaulted and their parents and the school principal'']
:'''Principal Ramirez''': Frankly, Mr. Gallagher, your son's behavior has been among the most egregious I've seen at this school, and I've been here a long time. Don't look a day over 90. He terrorizes these students to the point that they move through my halls in fear. School should not be a palace of terror. It should be a temple of learning. If children do not feel safe, how can they learn? 
:'''Boy''': They can't. 
:'''Carl''': She's asking me, [[w:Chipwich|Chipwich]]. 
:'''Principal Ramirez''': The only way to get through to Carl is have him face the truth of what he's done and let him absorb it in a meaningful way. Do that, okay? He can't just do it. He needs to actively engage. Got any suggestions?
:'''Boy''': Yeah.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': He should apologize to my kid and every other kid here. Individually. Like he means it.
:'''Frank''': Oh, spare us the Wiener act. Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. And you little shit, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You're welcome.
:'''Carl''': What if I want to cure cancer? 
:'''Frank''': Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Principal Ramirez''': And so what have we learned? 
:'''Carl''': [''Carl's smile disappears as she walks away'']
:'''Carl''': Forgot my lunch. [''Walks up to [[w:Hispanic and Latino Americans|a small hispanic boy]] in hallway, pushes him down and starts punching him''] [[w:extortion|Give me money]]. Give me money, [[w:chihuahua|chihuahua]]. Come on, give me money.

=== ''The Legend of Bonnie and Carl'' [4.09] ===
:'''Lip''': No, I try to make a point of not banging my roommate's girlfriend, 
:'''Amanda''': So, didn't stop you last time.
:'''Lip''': I was asleep.
:'''Amanda''': Until you weren't. And we're not banging. I'm a virgin.
:'''Lip''': No, I-I've heard you and Ron go at it plenty of times.
:'''Amanda''': Backdoor only. I'm saving myself for my husband.
:'''Lip''': Right, and how would your husband feel about you having taken it in the seat like a porn star? Why'd you stop by here before class? 
:'''Amanda''': Admit it, because you were hoping I'd be here.
:''[Amanda has taken off her top with Lip in the dorm room and Ron has just walked in]''
:'''Ron''': Excuse me, guys. Forgot my [[w:Baruch Spinoza|Spinoza]]. ''[Ron walks past the two to get his book and leaves the room]''
:[''Lip runs out of the dorm room to follow Ron'']
:'''Lip''': Hey, um-- Hey, listen, I'm-- I'm so sorry. Just let me explain.
:'''Ron''': It's okay, dude. You don't need to be sorry. I owe you one. I was starting to hear Amanda bark orders to me in my dreams.
:'''Lip''': So we're-- we're cool? 
:'''Ron''': The best part about getting a blow job from Amanda, ten minutes of silence. Come on, dude. Don't be late for class.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Amanda''': Familiar with the term &quot;quid pro quo&quot;? 
:'''Lip''': Yeah, yeah, that's, uh that's Latin for &quot;lick mine, and I'll lick yours,&quot; right? 
:'''Amanda''': Need you to meet my mom and dad for parents' weekend. Pretend we're together.
:'''Lip''': That's it? Just clean up for a dinner? 
:'''Amanda''': No, no clean up. In fact, wear that shirt with all the &quot;fucks&quot; on it. My parents started me on violin lessons when I was three. SAT prep when I was 12. I'm a walking stereotype. For Christ sakes, I'm a math major.
:'''Lip''': You know, you-- you could do a lot worse than parents that give a shit.
:'''Amanda''': No, it's time my mom and dad know that I'm not gonna be programmed for med school like my older sister. I need to scare the living shit out of them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mickey''': My bitch of a wife thinks I owe her something. Like I'm the only guy ever [[w:ejaculation|dropped a fucking load in her]].
:'''Man in car''': Boys. Ride around the block? 
:'''Mickey''': We look like a couple fags for sale to you? 
:'''Man in car''': Yes.
:'''Mickey''': Well, this ain't Macy's, bitch. You ain't window-shopping.
:'''Man in car''': You're in Boystown, outside a bar called The Fairy Tail.
:'''Mickey''': Why don't you fuck off before I give you a broken spine to go along with that limp wrist? ''[Mickey picks up a bottle, man drives off and Mickey throws it at the driver]'' Yeah, get going, you fucking fruit! Thinks he can buy whatever he wants 'cause he's got a fucking Rolex and an S-class. That shit happen to you a lot? 
:'''Ian''': Every night.
:'''Mickey''': From rich dudes? 
:'''Ian''': Gotta get to work.
:...
:'''Amanda''': You have an econ quiz in two hours.
:'''Lip''': Uh, right, you know, about that, I-I couldn't help but notice the schedule.
:'''Amanda''': I made it for you.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, no, I thought it might have been you, and you broke it down into five-minute segments. I mean, who schedules something for 12:55? 
:'''Amanda''': So you can better manage your time.
:'''Lip''': Right, but you even put in preset bathroom breaks.
:'''Amanda''': I synced it to your new phone.
:'''Lip''': You got me a new phone? 
:'''Amanda''': You're welcome.
:'''Lip''': Thank you. But seriously, this-- this schedule, it's just-- it's-- it's not me, okay? I'm not used to having my dumps planned out in advance. You know, it's-- I can't-- I can't regiment my life like that, all right? 
:'''Amanda''': That's why I'm doing it for you.
:'''Lip''': Okay, I guess I'm just more of a, uh, fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy.
:'''Amanda''': How's that working out for you? 
:'''Lip''': How 'bout [[w:fellatio|a quick BJ]] then? 
:'''Amanda''': BJ break isn't for another 45 minutes.
:...
:[''Kenyatta walks up to Mickey walking down the street from Mickey's house'']
:'''Kenyatta''': Hey! 
:'''Mickey''': What do you want? 
:'''Kenyatta''': Mandy, she here last night? 
:'''Mickey''': She wasn't with you? 
:'''Kenyatta''': No, I was at work. I kept calling the house, no answer. Then I call her cell, she say she's at home. She with Lip? 
:'''Mickey''': You just keep putting two and two together, huh? Hey, good for you, [[w:Albert Einstein|Einstein]].
:'''Kenyatta''': He in this motherfucker? 
:'''Mickey''': Nah, asshole's at college. It's a big place, lots of buildings. People go there to learn. Don't worry about it.
:'''Kenyatta''': Man, where at? 
:'''Mickey''': West Maxwell. Hey, you planning on giving a beat down to every guy Mandy's been with? Your arms are gonna get fucking tired.
:...
:[''Carl has just spraypainted &quot;PRINCIPAL RAMIREZ IS CARL GALLAGERS (sic) BITCH&quot; on the school lockers'']
:'''Principal Ramirez''': What are you doing? 
:'''Carl''': Stating the obvious.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': You just bought yourself two more weeks' detention.
:'''Carl''': Cool.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': You know, you misspelled your last name.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lip''': [''To an unnamed fellow student''] [[w:Friedrich Engels|Engels]], a genius? More like Marx's glorified butt buddy. [''Gets text message from Amanda: &quot;Big scary black man coming for you&quot; Lip sees Kenyatta in the distance who has spotted him''] Shit. Shit, hold this. ''[Hands cigarette to student and starts running to main building, hides under table, and Kenyatta pulls him out by legs]''
:'''Lip''': What'd I do? 
:'''Kenyatta''': Mandy!
:...
:'''Lip''': Okay, you didn't want that answer? Excuse me, excuse me. All right, look, we're done though. We're done. Okay? All right, I got a girlfriend.
:'''Kenyatta''': Maybe I should do yours like you did mine.
:'''Lip''': Okay, but only in the ass, all right? She's saving herself.
:''[Campus security has pulled both Lip and Kenyatta apart]'' Let's see some ID. Both of you. You go to school here? 
:'''Lip''': Look, I don't-- I don't know him, officers, okay? You know, he just-- he asked if I wanted to buy any crack, and when I said no...
:'''Kenyatta''': Fuck you! [''Kenyatta lunges for Lip only to be tased by security'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carl''': I shot a [[w:Mac-10|a Mac-10]] before. But never one of those.
:'''Bonnie''': It's fake.
:'''Carl''': Looks real.
:'''Bonnie''': Need it to if we're gonna get the guy behind the counter to give us all the money in the register. You don't have to. I can do it alone.
:'''Carl''': No, I can do it.
:'''Bonnie''': Sure you're ready to pop your armed robbery cherry? 
:'''Carl''': Yeah, I've done it lots of times before.
:'''Bonnie''': You're cute. Black or camo? [''Holds up balaclavas'']
:...
:'''HR secretary''': How you holding up? 
:'''Fiona''': I've been better. I was wondering if, uh, instead of being fired for misconduct, you could make it so that I was downsized? I don't-- I wouldn't ask if I had any other options.
:'''HR secretary''': Let me see what I can do. [''Mike's sister walks up to Fiona'']
:'''Mike's sister''': You have a hell of a lot of nerve. You know, I-I-I withheld judgment when my brother brought you home. I said to myself, &quot;She can't help where she came from, how she was raised, who her parents are.&quot; My mom and dad invited you into their home. They let you sit at their table with our family, and in return you destroyed Mike. All of us. And now you come here and you ask if we will lie for you to the federal government. You think that you're a good person. You're not. Destroy your own family. And leave mine alone. ''[Fiona walks away looking fatalistic]''
:...
:'''Bonnie''': [''Aiming gun at clerk''] Empty the register! 
:'''Convenience store clerk''': Is this a joke? 
:'''Bonnie''': The cash! Now! 
:'''Convenience store clerk''': Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm just gonna hand over my money to the lollipop guild. ''[Bonnie discharges her firearm destroying a tv]'' Whoa, shit! Holy fuck.
:'''Bonnie''': Get the bag.
:'''Convenience store clerk''': Sorry. Okay? Take it.
:'''Carl''': You said it was fake.
:'''Bonnie''': You should have seen your face.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Debbie is walking along sidewalk talking to Matty on cell when Seema pulls up and gets out with baseball bat'']
:'''Seema''': I don't give a shit if you're ten years old and playing with dolls. [''Pokes up Debbie's chin with baseball bat''] You want a war, you got it. You don't know who you messed with, bitch.

=== ''Liver, I Hardly Knew Her'' [4.10]===
:'''Bonnie''': My family lives in there.
:''[Carl is wearing a joking face]''
:'''Carl''': The supermarket? 
:'''Bonnie''': No.
:'''Carl''': Oh, 'cause that would suck.
:'''Bonnie''': In the van.
:''[Carl's face turns absolutely serious]''
:'''Carl''': Oh, yeah. That's cool. Van.
=== ''Emily'' [4.11]===

=== ''Lazarus'' [4.12] ===
:[''Chuckie is sleeping nearby in the boys bedroom'']
:'''Lip''': What are we supposed to do with him? 
:'''Carl''': We could drop him off at the butcher over at the Food 4 Less, see if they'll chop him up for bacon.
:'''Bonnie''': We having bacon for breakfast? 
:'''Carl''': Nah, we're eating Chuckie.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, cool.
:'''Lip''': She's sleeping with you now? 
:'''Carl''': Your girlfriend sleeps with you.
:'''Lip''': Yeah, Amanda's 20, not 12.
:'''Carl''': Bonnie's 13.
:'''Lip''': I still don't want her sleeping with you.
:'''Carl''': She doesn't want to have sex, something about her mom's old boyfriend and a [[w:Outlaw motorcycle club|biker gang]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Svetlana''': So you are Rainbow Boy now? 
:'''Mickey''': The fuck you do to your hair? 
:'''Svetlana''': You wear pink sweaters and stink of man perfume now?
:'''Mickey''': I look shitty in pink.
:[''Svetlana opens bathrobe to reveal a [[w:Strap-on dildo|strap-on dildo]]'']
:'''Mickey''': What the fuck? 
:'''Svetlana''': You like the penis, yes? 
:'''Mickey''': Not when there's tits directly above it.
:'''Svetlana''': You want it up in your poop place? 
:'''Mickey''': No, I don't-- I want you-- fucking-- I want you to put it away. Can you put that away? Put that fucking thing away, please? Thank you.
:'''Svetlana''': You love him? 
:'''Mickey''': Maybe. I don't know.
:'''Svetlana''': Because he has a real penis? 
:'''Mickey''': Yeah, I guess.
:'''Svetlana''': I hate the penis. Ugly fucking skin stick. Always trying to get in where it doesn't belong. You like boys. Maybe I like girls. No penis is staring at you, hoping to explode like sticky volcano. America-- it's land of choices, yes? Freedom to be me. Freedom to be you. [[w:McDonald's|McDonald's]], [[w:Burger King|Burger King]] on same block. You choose. One, both. Shit, maybe we go to [[w:Wendy's|Wendy's]] instead.
:'''Mickey''': Hold-- you're a lesbian? 
:'''Svetlana''': Maybe yes, maybe no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sammi''': You fuck with the bull, [[w:Bullfighting#Hazards|you get an ass full of horns]]! 
:...
:'''Sammi''': This is America, and in this country, people have a right to see their families.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lip and Amanda are eating at a breakfast diner late at night with Amanda's sorority and their dates after a ritual]''
:'''Amanda''': That wasn't so bad, was it? 
:'''Lip''': Uh, no, the chanting part was kind of creepy. But hey, I look good in a suit, right? You know, I figured it was gonna be more wild toga party than coven.
:'''Amanda''': Well, we're a bunch of engineering majors. Our parties usually consist of us watching Big Bang reruns and bleaching each other's mustaches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank''': [''Announcing to the rising sun on a sandspit on Lake Michigan on the Chicago waterfront''] That all you got? That's it? I'm still here, you fucker! Frank Gallagher! I'm alive! You see me? You see me standing here? [''Chuckle''] You lost, asshole! I'm alive, motherfucker! Me, Frank Gallagher! Alive. Alive.

[[Category:Shameless (American TV series) seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Wacky Wabbit</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>261430</id>
    <revision>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-12T01:55:12Z</timestamp>
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        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
        <id>3222540</id>
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      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
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      <text bytes="1351" sha1="lmyx83ionrc9wh010rb1txffmxoj5c9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Wacky Wabbit|The Wacky Wabbit]]''''' is a 1942 ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon, in which [[w:Bugs Bunny|Bugs Bunny]] arrives in the desert to find [[w:Elmer Fudd|Elmer Fudd]] prospecting for gold. Fudd is finally driven to pull his own gold tooth.
:''Directed [[w:Bob Clampett|Bob Clampett]]. Written by [[w:Warren Foster|Warren Foster]].''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Wabbit, I came here for gold, and I'm going to get it!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': No! No! No! Not that! Not that! Anything but that!
:''[Elmer and Bugs fight until Elmer has a gold tooth in his hands]''
:'''Elmer Fudd''': Euweka! Gold at wast! He-he-he-he!
:''[Smiles, showing a gap where his gold tooth was]''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Euweka! Gold at wast! He-he-he-he!
:''[Points at his intact gold tooth]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] - Bugs Bunny 
* [[w:Arthur Quirk Bryan|Arthur Quirk Bryan]] - Elmer Fudd

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0035529}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

[[Category:Bugs Bunny cartoons]]
[[Category:Elmer Fudd cartoons]]
[[Category:1942 animated films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Bob Clampett]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Conrad the Sailor</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>262170</id>
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      <text bytes="3372" sha1="5y3df46947aikjf51p07epqfsvda2mj" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Conrad the Sailor|Conrad the Sailor]]''''' is a 1942 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon supervised by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. The title character, [[w:Conrad the Cat|Conrad the Cat]], is voiced by [[w:Pinto Colvig|Pinto Colvig]] and animated by the quintet (Jones’ regular animators, including [[w:Ben Washam|Ben Washam]]). The other featured player is [[w:Daffy Duck|Daffy Duck]], voiced as usual by [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]].

==Dialogue==
:'''Sailors''': ''(singing)'' Over the sea, let's go men! We're shovin' right off, we're shovin' right off again! Nobody knows where or when! We're shovin' right off, we're shovin' right off again! We're leaving today, it's anchors aweigh. Sally and Sue, don't be blue! We'll just be gone for years and years and then... We're shovin' right off for home, shovin' right off for home... Shovin' right off for home again!
:''[Camera pans right then trucks-in on Conrad, swabbing the deck]''
:'''Conrad''': ''(singing)'' Over the sea, let's go men! We're shovin' right off, we're shovin' right off again! Nobody knows where or when! We're shovin' right off, we're shovin' right off again! We're leaving today, it's anchors aweigh. Sally and Sue, don't be blue! We'll just be gone for years and years and then... We're shovin' right off for home, shovin' right off for home... Shovin' right off for home again! ''(He does a [[w:Goofy|Goofy]] chuckle)'' And we are too. ''[As Conrad swabs the deck, he spots the Daffy’s muddy footprints on the deck. He gets angry and sees Daffy on the mast. Daffy waves to him. Conrad angrily wipes his nose]'' ''[angrily, to himself]'' We're shovin' right off for home, shovin' right off for home... 
:'''Daffy''': ''[pacing back and forth on the mast, mockingly]'' Shovin' right off again! Shovin' right off again! Shovin' right off again! Shovin' right off again! Shovin' right off again! Shovin' right off again! ''[to the audience]'' Phew, is that guy awful? Gee, it makes me sick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Conrad is cleaning one of the naval guns]''
:'''Conrad''': ''(singing)'' La la, lo la lee, Sally and Sue, la la la, ''[moving Daffy out of the way]'' la deedle di de doodle de da- ''[He suddenly realizes that Daffy is back. He turns to look directly at Daffy in his face. He and Daffy each grab Daffy's neck repeatedly. Daffy deliberately bites him on the nose, and twirls Conrad's arms before zooming off. Conrad becomes angry again, and he chases him. Conrad corners him. He is about to strangle him, but the ship's diminutive Admiral scurries by again, as both sailor and duck snap to attention and salute.  He is about to strangle him again]'' 
:'''Daffy''': ''(clapping their hands together)'' [[w:Pease Porridge Hot|Pease Porridge Hot]], Pease Porridge Cold, ''[deliberately pulling his hat over his head]'' Pease Porridge in the pot nine days old!

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0034611}}
{{Looney Tunes}}
[[Category:1942 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Daffy Duck cartoons]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chuck Jones]]
[[Category:Chuck Jones films]]
[[Category:American animated short films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy short films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy short films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Humza Yousaf</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Cagliost</username>
        <id>3102</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */ Humza Yousaf ranting about Scotland being 99% White. (Corrected numerous errors in the official transcript, youtube ID: FI3JBBlmej4 )</comment>
      <origin>3951957</origin>
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      <text bytes="4746" sha1="j1izmf8rnmmz81mlt7rdbhgwkfis7by" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Humza Yousaf (cropped), 2023.jpg|thumb|Humza Yousaf in 2023]]
'''[[w:Humza Yousaf|Humza Haroon Yousaf]]''' (born 7 April 1985) is a [[Scotland|Scottish]] politician who has served as the [[w:First Minister of Scotland|First Minister of Scotland]] from 29 March 2023 and is a member of the [[w:Scottish National Party|Scottish National Party]]. He formally resigned as First Minister in May 2024 after announcing his resignation as SNP leader late in April.

{{politics-stub}}
==Quotes==

*at 99 per cent of the meetings I go to, I am the only non-White person in the room. But why are we so surprised when the most senior positions in Scotland are filled almost exclusively by those who are White? Take my portfolio alone. The Lord President, White. The Lord Justice Clerk, White. Every High Court judge, White. The Lord Advocate, White. The Solicitor General, White. The chief constable, White. Every deputy chief constable, White. Every assistant chief constable, White. The head of the Law Society, White. The head of the Faculty of Advocates, White. Every prison governor, White. And not just justice. The chief medical officer, White. The chief nursing officer, White. The chief veterinary officer, White. The chief social work adviser, White. Almost every trade union in this country, headed by people who are White. In the Scottish Government, every director general is White. Every chair of every public body is White. That is not good enough.
*[https://www.theyworkforyou.com/sp/?id=2020-06-10.22.0#g22.24 10 June 2020].

* You haven't managed to ever get elected to the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] like me.&lt;br /&gt;And I suspect the voters of Scotland will show you the [[w:Celebrity Big Brother (British series 4)|cat flap]] again come May 6.&lt;br /&gt;When you are shown the door, please take your race-baiting &quot;You're not a Celt like me&quot; mince with you.
** Tweet responding to [[George Galloway]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/george-galloway-twitter-rula-lenska-scottish-scottish-parliament-b924852.html &quot;Humza Yousaf hits back at George Galloway's 'race-baiting' comments&quot;], ''The Standard'' (18 March 2021).
** Galloway had tweeted in part: &quot;Well #Humza you’re not more Scottish than me. You're not a Celt like me.&quot; At the [[w:2021 Scottish Parliament election|2021 Scottish Parliament election]] on 6 May, Galloway was a candidate for [[w:All for Unity|All for Unity]]. A4U gained no seats, and was soon wound up.

* Let me be clear: [[Scotland]] is ready to play her part. Our [[hospital]]s will treat the injured men, women and children of [[Gaza Strip|Gaza]] where we can.
** Cited in [https://www.jpost.com/international/article-769145 &quot;Scotland says it is ready to accept Palestinian refugees from Gaza&quot;], ''The Jerusalem Post'' (19 October 2023).

* I think political leaders should stop beating around the bush, should call what they’re seeing in Gaza. We are seeing not only a humanitarian crisis, but also seeing senior members of the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Netanyahu]] government making statements that are frankly the textbook definition of ethnic cleansing. And that should be condemned in the strongest possible manner.
** Cited in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/liveblog/2024/1/6/israel-war-on-gaza-live-israeli-forces-raid-occupied-west-bank-towns?update=2600734 &quot;Scottish leader says Israeli comments on Gaza amount to ‘ethnic cleansing’&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (6 January 2024).

* I was born in Scotland, raised in Scotland, educated in Scotland, just welcomed my third child here in Scotland. Was leader of the Scottish government for just over a year, leader of the Scottish National Party.&lt;br /&gt;You cut me open and I'm about as Scottish as they come but the truth of the matter is I don't whether the future for me, and my wife and three children is going to be here in Scotland, the [[United Kingdom]] or indeed in [[Europe]] and the west.
* We are now seeing the culmination of not years, actually decades of anti-migrant, [[Islamophobia|anti-Muslim]] rhetoric being normalised in our political discourse now playing out in the most violent way possible.
** Speaking on the News Agents podcast, as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9rrepr3n8o &quot;Humza Yousaf questions future in UK after riots&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 August 2024).
** During the [[w:2024 United Kingdom riots|2024 United Kingdom riots]] caused by anti-migrant and anti-Muslim sentiments from the far-right.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Yousaf, Humza}}
[[Category:1985 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Politicians from Scotland]]
[[Category:Scottish nationalists]]
[[Category:University of Glasgow alumni]]
[[Category:First Ministers of Scotland]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951958</id>
      <parentid>3951957</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T09:47:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cagliost</username>
        <id>3102</id>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3951958</origin>
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      <text bytes="4747" sha1="lt2ww9intlz07zf6f50qvp1gyjb8ma7" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Humza Yousaf (cropped), 2023.jpg|thumb|Humza Yousaf in 2023]]
'''[[w:Humza Yousaf|Humza Haroon Yousaf]]''' (born 7 April 1985) is a [[Scotland|Scottish]] politician who has served as the [[w:First Minister of Scotland|First Minister of Scotland]] from 29 March 2023 and is a member of the [[w:Scottish National Party|Scottish National Party]]. He formally resigned as First Minister in May 2024 after announcing his resignation as SNP leader late in April.

{{politics-stub}}
==Quotes==

*at 99 per cent of the meetings I go to, I am the only non-White person in the room. But why are we so surprised when the most senior positions in Scotland are filled almost exclusively by those who are White? Take my portfolio alone. The Lord President, White. The Lord Justice Clerk, White. Every High Court judge, White. The Lord Advocate, White. The Solicitor General, White. The chief constable, White. Every deputy chief constable, White. Every assistant chief constable, White. The head of the Law Society, White. The head of the Faculty of Advocates, White. Every prison governor, White. And not just justice. The chief medical officer, White. The chief nursing officer, White. The chief veterinary officer, White. The chief social work adviser, White. Almost every trade union in this country, headed by people who are White. In the Scottish Government, every director general is White. Every chair of every public body is White. That is not good enough.
**[https://www.theyworkforyou.com/sp/?id=2020-06-10.22.0#g22.24 10 June 2020].

* You haven't managed to ever get elected to the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] like me.&lt;br /&gt;And I suspect the voters of Scotland will show you the [[w:Celebrity Big Brother (British series 4)|cat flap]] again come May 6.&lt;br /&gt;When you are shown the door, please take your race-baiting &quot;You're not a Celt like me&quot; mince with you.
** Tweet responding to [[George Galloway]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/george-galloway-twitter-rula-lenska-scottish-scottish-parliament-b924852.html &quot;Humza Yousaf hits back at George Galloway's 'race-baiting' comments&quot;], ''The Standard'' (18 March 2021).
** Galloway had tweeted in part: &quot;Well #Humza you’re not more Scottish than me. You're not a Celt like me.&quot; At the [[w:2021 Scottish Parliament election|2021 Scottish Parliament election]] on 6 May, Galloway was a candidate for [[w:All for Unity|All for Unity]]. A4U gained no seats, and was soon wound up.

* Let me be clear: [[Scotland]] is ready to play her part. Our [[hospital]]s will treat the injured men, women and children of [[Gaza Strip|Gaza]] where we can.
** Cited in [https://www.jpost.com/international/article-769145 &quot;Scotland says it is ready to accept Palestinian refugees from Gaza&quot;], ''The Jerusalem Post'' (19 October 2023).

* I think political leaders should stop beating around the bush, should call what they’re seeing in Gaza. We are seeing not only a humanitarian crisis, but also seeing senior members of the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Netanyahu]] government making statements that are frankly the textbook definition of ethnic cleansing. And that should be condemned in the strongest possible manner.
** Cited in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/liveblog/2024/1/6/israel-war-on-gaza-live-israeli-forces-raid-occupied-west-bank-towns?update=2600734 &quot;Scottish leader says Israeli comments on Gaza amount to ‘ethnic cleansing’&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (6 January 2024).

* I was born in Scotland, raised in Scotland, educated in Scotland, just welcomed my third child here in Scotland. Was leader of the Scottish government for just over a year, leader of the Scottish National Party.&lt;br /&gt;You cut me open and I'm about as Scottish as they come but the truth of the matter is I don't whether the future for me, and my wife and three children is going to be here in Scotland, the [[United Kingdom]] or indeed in [[Europe]] and the west.
* We are now seeing the culmination of not years, actually decades of anti-migrant, [[Islamophobia|anti-Muslim]] rhetoric being normalised in our political discourse now playing out in the most violent way possible.
** Speaking on the News Agents podcast, as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9rrepr3n8o &quot;Humza Yousaf questions future in UK after riots&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 August 2024).
** During the [[w:2024 United Kingdom riots|2024 United Kingdom riots]] caused by anti-migrant and anti-Muslim sentiments from the far-right.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Yousaf, Humza}}
[[Category:1985 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Politicians from Scotland]]
[[Category:Scottish nationalists]]
[[Category:University of Glasgow alumni]]
[[Category:First Ministers of Scotland]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951966</id>
      <parentid>3951958</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:25:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cagliost</username>
        <id>3102</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */ Corrected obvious typo, found in BBC source and many other sources. Quote is original from &quot;The News Agents&quot; podcast. Correctly quoted here: https://news.sky.com/story/humza-yousaf-questions-familys-future-in-uk-after-violent-riots-13192405</comment>
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'''[[w:Humza Yousaf|Humza Haroon Yousaf]]''' (born 7 April 1985) is a [[Scotland|Scottish]] politician who has served as the [[w:First Minister of Scotland|First Minister of Scotland]] from 29 March 2023 and is a member of the [[w:Scottish National Party|Scottish National Party]]. He formally resigned as First Minister in May 2024 after announcing his resignation as SNP leader late in April.

{{politics-stub}}
==Quotes==

*at 99 per cent of the meetings I go to, I am the only non-White person in the room. But why are we so surprised when the most senior positions in Scotland are filled almost exclusively by those who are White? Take my portfolio alone. The Lord President, White. The Lord Justice Clerk, White. Every High Court judge, White. The Lord Advocate, White. The Solicitor General, White. The chief constable, White. Every deputy chief constable, White. Every assistant chief constable, White. The head of the Law Society, White. The head of the Faculty of Advocates, White. Every prison governor, White. And not just justice. The chief medical officer, White. The chief nursing officer, White. The chief veterinary officer, White. The chief social work adviser, White. Almost every trade union in this country, headed by people who are White. In the Scottish Government, every director general is White. Every chair of every public body is White. That is not good enough.
**[https://www.theyworkforyou.com/sp/?id=2020-06-10.22.0#g22.24 10 June 2020].

* You haven't managed to ever get elected to the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] like me.&lt;br /&gt;And I suspect the voters of Scotland will show you the [[w:Celebrity Big Brother (British series 4)|cat flap]] again come May 6.&lt;br /&gt;When you are shown the door, please take your race-baiting &quot;You're not a Celt like me&quot; mince with you.
** Tweet responding to [[George Galloway]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/george-galloway-twitter-rula-lenska-scottish-scottish-parliament-b924852.html &quot;Humza Yousaf hits back at George Galloway's 'race-baiting' comments&quot;], ''The Standard'' (18 March 2021).
** Galloway had tweeted in part: &quot;Well #Humza you’re not more Scottish than me. You're not a Celt like me.&quot; At the [[w:2021 Scottish Parliament election|2021 Scottish Parliament election]] on 6 May, Galloway was a candidate for [[w:All for Unity|All for Unity]]. A4U gained no seats, and was soon wound up.

* Let me be clear: [[Scotland]] is ready to play her part. Our [[hospital]]s will treat the injured men, women and children of [[Gaza Strip|Gaza]] where we can.
** Cited in [https://www.jpost.com/international/article-769145 &quot;Scotland says it is ready to accept Palestinian refugees from Gaza&quot;], ''The Jerusalem Post'' (19 October 2023).

* I think political leaders should stop beating around the bush, should call what they’re seeing in Gaza. We are seeing not only a humanitarian crisis, but also seeing senior members of the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Netanyahu]] government making statements that are frankly the textbook definition of ethnic cleansing. And that should be condemned in the strongest possible manner.
** Cited in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/liveblog/2024/1/6/israel-war-on-gaza-live-israeli-forces-raid-occupied-west-bank-towns?update=2600734 &quot;Scottish leader says Israeli comments on Gaza amount to ‘ethnic cleansing’&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (6 January 2024).

* I was born in Scotland, raised in Scotland, educated in Scotland, just welcomed my third child here in Scotland. Was leader of the Scottish government for just over a year, leader of the Scottish National Party.&lt;br /&gt;You cut me open and I'm about as Scottish as they come but the truth of the matter is I don't know whether the future for me, and my wife and three children is going to be here in Scotland, the [[United Kingdom]] or indeed in [[Europe]] and the west.
* We are now seeing the culmination of not years, actually decades of anti-migrant, [[Islamophobia|anti-Muslim]] rhetoric being normalised in our political discourse now playing out in the most violent way possible.
** Speaking on the News Agents podcast, as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9rrepr3n8o &quot;Humza Yousaf questions future in UK after riots&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 August 2024).
** During the [[w:2024 United Kingdom riots|2024 United Kingdom riots]] caused by anti-migrant and anti-Muslim sentiments from the far-right.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Yousaf, Humza}}
[[Category:1985 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Politicians from Scotland]]
[[Category:Scottish nationalists]]
[[Category:University of Glasgow alumni]]
[[Category:First Ministers of Scotland]]</text>
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      <id>3951967</id>
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        <username>Cagliost</username>
        <id>3102</id>
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'''[[w:Humza Yousaf|Humza Haroon Yousaf]]''' (born 7 April 1985) is a [[Scotland|Scottish]] politician who has served as the [[w:First Minister of Scotland|First Minister of Scotland]] from 29 March 2023 and is a member of the [[w:Scottish National Party|Scottish National Party]]. He formally resigned as First Minister in May 2024 after announcing his resignation as SNP leader late in April.

{{politics-stub}}
==Quotes==

*at 99 per cent of the meetings I go to, I am the only non-White person in the room. But why are we so surprised when the most senior positions in Scotland are filled almost exclusively by those who are White? Take my portfolio alone. The Lord President, White. The Lord Justice Clerk, White. Every High Court judge, White. The Lord Advocate, White. The Solicitor General, White. The chief constable, White. Every deputy chief constable, White. Every assistant chief constable, White. The head of the Law Society, White. The head of the Faculty of Advocates, White. Every prison governor, White. And not just justice. The chief medical officer, White. The chief nursing officer, White. The chief veterinary officer, White. The chief social work adviser, White. Almost every trade union in this country, headed by people who are White. In the Scottish Government, every director general is White. Every chair of every public body is White. That is not good enough.
**[https://www.theyworkforyou.com/sp/?id=2020-06-10.22.0#g22.24 10 June 2020].

* You haven't managed to ever get elected to the [[w:Scottish Parliament|Scottish Parliament]] like me.&lt;br /&gt;And I suspect the voters of Scotland will show you the [[w:Celebrity Big Brother (British series 4)|cat flap]] again come May 6.&lt;br /&gt;When you are shown the door, please take your race-baiting &quot;You're not a Celt like me&quot; mince with you.
** Tweet responding to [[George Galloway]], as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/george-galloway-twitter-rula-lenska-scottish-scottish-parliament-b924852.html &quot;Humza Yousaf hits back at George Galloway's 'race-baiting' comments&quot;], ''The Standard'' (18 March 2021).
** Galloway had tweeted in part: &quot;Well #Humza you’re not more Scottish than me. You're not a Celt like me.&quot; At the [[w:2021 Scottish Parliament election|2021 Scottish Parliament election]] on 6 May, Galloway was a candidate for [[w:All for Unity|All for Unity]]. A4U gained no seats, and was soon wound up.

* Let me be clear: [[Scotland]] is ready to play her part. Our [[hospital]]s will treat the injured men, women and children of [[Gaza Strip|Gaza]] where we can.
** Cited in [https://www.jpost.com/international/article-769145 &quot;Scotland says it is ready to accept Palestinian refugees from Gaza&quot;], ''The Jerusalem Post'' (19 October 2023).

* I think political leaders should stop beating around the bush, should call what they’re seeing in Gaza. We are seeing not only a humanitarian crisis, but also seeing senior members of the [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Netanyahu]] government making statements that are frankly the textbook definition of ethnic cleansing. And that should be condemned in the strongest possible manner.
** Cited in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/liveblog/2024/1/6/israel-war-on-gaza-live-israeli-forces-raid-occupied-west-bank-towns?update=2600734 &quot;Scottish leader says Israeli comments on Gaza amount to ‘ethnic cleansing’&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (6 January 2024).

* I was born in Scotland, raised in Scotland, educated in Scotland, just welcomed my third child here in Scotland. Was leader of the Scottish government for just over a year, leader of the Scottish National Party.&lt;br /&gt;You cut me open and I'm about as Scottish as they come but the truth of the matter is I don't know whether the future for me, and my wife and three children is going to be here in Scotland, the [[United Kingdom]] or indeed in [[Europe]] and the west.&lt;br /&gt;We are now seeing the culmination of not years, actually decades of anti-migrant, [[Islamophobia|anti-Muslim]] rhetoric being normalised in our political discourse now playing out in the most violent way possible.
** Speaking on the News Agents podcast, as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp9rrepr3n8o &quot;Humza Yousaf questions future in UK after riots&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 August 2024).
** During the [[w:2024 United Kingdom riots|2024 United Kingdom riots]] caused by anti-migrant and anti-Muslim sentiments from the far-right.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Yousaf, Humza}}
[[Category:1985 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Politicians from Scotland]]
[[Category:Scottish nationalists]]
[[Category:University of Glasgow alumni]]
[[Category:First Ministers of Scotland]]</text>
      <sha1>mr6g1i3azstoqalr4xv003ryc6y8vk8</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>275162</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951690</id>
      <parentid>3951146</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:04:20Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34474-94</username>
        <id>3340162</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02] */</comment>
      <origin>3951690</origin>
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      <text bytes="74289" sha1="dhe93rcz6lg1ul2u296e7pm6yqgrba3" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[enviously]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his head and brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient, Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his head and brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, only to run into Logan, who was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming in excitement after Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pets him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02] */</comment>
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'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his head and brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on his patient, Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his head and brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, only to run into Logan, who was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming in excitement after Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pets him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <comment>/* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */</comment>
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'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, only to run into Logan, who was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pets him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, only to run into Logan, who was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <id>3951787</id>
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      <comment>/* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="74801" sha1="npffgt7yapbmncaj9ng7ite1vcyjbzp" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but Logan was already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <id>3951788</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:40:57Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>/* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="74803" sha1="i0lif1z0zquhyye711f0ytruwxnn5p6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but finds Logan already there, feeling deeply betrayed by finding out about his &quot;being good&quot; conversation with Derf]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that their conversation changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <id>3951790</id>
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      <comment>/* The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="74801" sha1="3624rkn891yyebow6h4jakbzbtxpjil" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but finds Logan already there, feeling deeply betrayed after finding out about his and Derf's conversation]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that his conversation with him changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends, are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="74800" sha1="fv7kdalh2xls9cww0waq9e6xy4xjd2g" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but finds Logan already there, feeling deeply betrayed after finding out about his and Derf's conversation]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that his conversation with him changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951799</id>
      <parentid>3951794</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:56:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>3340162</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17] */</comment>
      <origin>3951799</origin>
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      <text bytes="75461" sha1="c5byeyvxyh1u3w0275wcgoz85mf9vp4" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rock Paper Scissors (TV series)|Rock Paper Scissors]]''''' is an American animated comedy television series for Nickelodeon created by Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

------
==Season 1==
===''Birthday Police / Paper's Big Lie [1.01]''===
:'''Rock''': Get ready. 'Cause we're about to go on an adventure.
:'''Paper''': There will be twists. There will be turns.
:'''Scissors''': But if we stick together, ''[his sunglasses shine]'' I promise… we will complete this maze for ages five and under!
:'''Rock''': Let's get the cat to the cat food!
:'''Paper''': Yeah!
:'''Scissors''': We got this.


''[The Birthday Police Car speakers start playing a Rock and Roll version of &quot;Happy Birthday&quot;]''

'''Speaker''': ''[sings]'' Happy Birthday to you.

'''Rock''': ''[screams]'' I love this song!

'''Speaker''': ''[continues singing]'' Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to you!

''[Officer Wishowski aims the Confetti Cannon at the trio]''

'''Scissors''': Confetti Cannon! I can't see!

''[Paper coughs as the trio wipe the confetti off their bodies]''


'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they both fall to the floor]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor again]'' Jump jump. Hup hup. ''[they fall to the floor a third time and Paper's machine got knocked over]''

'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' What the heck are you doing?!

'''Scissors''': Trying to do a jump jump kick.

'''Rock''': You know, from video games. When your second jump is in the air, then you do a really cool kick.

''[Rock and Scissors try to do it again but they fall to the floor once again]''

'''Paper''': Somehow you two are dumber together.

'''Scissors''': ''[gets back up]'' Or we're smarter together.

'''Rock''': ''[also gets back up]'' Got it. ''[he and Scissors try to high five each other but they slap their faces and fall to the floor the final time]''

===''Pogo Sticks / Car Wash [1.02]''===
:''[The trio are doing meditation poses until they're interrupted by thumping sounds from the fourth floor]''
:'''Rock''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Scissors &amp; Paper''': ''[darkly]'' The Rat Bros.
:''[They show up at the Rat Bros' apartment on the fourth floor]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door; smugly]'' 'Sup, losers?
:'''Rock''': Losers?
:'''Paper''': Come on.
:'''Scissors''': Man, you're cool.
:'''Paper''': What is going on in there?!
:'''Logan''': Oh, we're doing pogo tricks, brah. ''[shows the trio his brothers: Brody, Brogan and Derf, on their pogo sticks]'' We're hosting a super cool pogo party this Sunday. You're welcome to come, except… oh, that's right…you don't have pogo sticks.
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:''[Brody closes the door on the trio with his pogo stick; back at their apartment]''
:'''Paper''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! I hate those Rat Bros, yet, I care so much about what they think of me.
:'''Scissors''': We have to get pogo sticks. If we don't, we won't be cool.

===''Weekend Story / Putty [1.03]''===
:'''Pencil''': Skydiving? Wow, Paper. I was just about to be your girlfriend, but not anymore, you boring turkey! ''[pulls a lever, causing Paper to eject and laughs maniacally]''
:
:
:'''Pencil #1''': No conflict pirates?
:'''Pencil #2''': Swords as decoration?
:'''Pencil #3''': You wear glasses?
:'''Paper''': ''You'' wear glasses?
:'''Pencil #3''': Yeah, but I wear them as well.
:''[The Pencil clones all press a button together, causing Paper to eject and laugh diabolically]''
:
:'''Paper''': You can run, but you can't fly! ''[laughs evilly; activating his drone]''

===''Hide and Seek / The First Lou Episode [1.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[dramatic]'' You think you can hide from me?! Well, you're wrong because I… will… seek you! ''[playfully]'' Ready or not, here I come! ''[annoyed]'' Rock, you're behind the lamp. You're really bad at this game.
:''[Rock notices and sighs sadly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paper''': Rock, I need your help to find Scissors.
:'''Rock''': You have to find me first. ''[giggles]''
:'''Paper''': I mean, you're wearing camouflage against the blue wall.
:'''Rock''': ''[notices]'' Okay, I'll do it. But only if I can keep playing.
:'''Paper''': Sure. Go nuts.
:''[Rock cartwheels back to the camouflage wall and sighs sadly]''
:'''Rock''': I am not good at this game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The trio are knitting a friendship blanket together while singing a song when they hear a banging sound from the door]''
:'''Lou''': ''[off-screen]'' It's Lou. Let me in.
:'''Scissors''': Shoot, it's the landlord!
:'''Paper''': Don't answer it. I don't want to deal with that pile of garbage.
:'''Rock''': Paper! He's not that bad.
:'''Paper''': No, I mean, he's literally trash.
:''[Rock opens the door, revealing Lou, a grumpy landlord standing in the doorway]''
:'''Rock''': Lou, can you please put on pants?
:'''Lou''': Pants? What am I, rich? You'd think I work on Wall Street? Oh, look at me. I wear pants and own a sports team. Why don't I buy a Lamborghini, too, wear that around my legs?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lou''': ''[as the end credits roll]'' Look at all these Hollywood phonies. Oh, Bob. Bob pronounces it &quot;croi-ssant.&quot; Very annoying. Kurt, he's a fancy guy! Drinks seltzer! What are you, not getting enough free air? You got to pay to drink it? And let me tell you something about Nickelodeon, and I won't let them censor this! They... ''[a card sequence reading, '''&quot;Oops! Please stand by&quot;''' appears]'' I hope you like this episode, 'cause now, they get a lot worse!

===''The Susan / Eyebrows [1.05]''===
:'''Scissors''': The Susan is right.
:'''Rock''': The Susan is always right.
:'''Paper''': Well, this is the first time The Susan has talked, remember?
:'''Rock''': We're sorry.
:'''Scissors''': We should have never changed you.
:'''Paper''': Can you forgive us?
:
:
:
:
:
:'''Rock''': ''[pacing back and forth]'' What am I gonna do about this audition?! Without my eyebrows, no one'll read my emotions!
:'''Paper''': You seem very calm about this.
:'''Rock''': No, I'm not! I'm freaking out!
:'''Paper''': I can't-uh, do you need a snack? Are you cold? Did you slam your hand in a new or possibly old car door? ''[Rock draws angry eyebrows on two notepads and puts them on his forehead]'' Oh, oh, oh, you're upset. Don't worry. I think I can help you with my robotics invention. I'll make you… a pair of… animatronic eyebrows!

===''Scissors Gets a Job [1.06]''===
:'''Rock''': You made money by faking injuries and suing people? That's terrible.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly]'' Oh, moral Rock doesn't like making his money through fraudulent lawsuits.
:'''Paper''': Broke or not, you still have to pay for your pizza. Maybe it's time you stop being a bum and get a job.
:'''Scissors''': ''[mockingly once again]'' Oh, judgmental Paper calls me a bum just 'cause I fit the definition of one.
:'''Paper''': Why don't you ever wanna find work? Is it because you're not really good at anything?
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Hey!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors is good at lot of things, like, uh, sunglasses.
:'''Scissors''': Forget you guys. I'll find work when I want to.
:'''Paper''': Well, until you do, you ''can't'' have pizza with us.
:'''Scissors''': ''[shocked]'' What?!
:'''Paper''': In fact, every time you walk through that door, Rock and I will be eating pizza until it motivates you to get a job.
:'''Rock''': Awesome!
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]'' Fine! You just watch. I'll have pizza money in no time. ''[bumps his leg on the table]'' Ow, my leg or-
:'''Judge''': In the case of Scissors vs. Paper and his dangerous coffee table, the court rules in favor of Paper.
:'''Scissors''': ''[rips the bandages off himself]'' Dang it! Alright. I'll get a job.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I've been fired from every job I've tried, and this was kind of my last option. But I guess I'll go home and tell my roommates they were right about me. I'm a loser.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[weakly and stuffed with a huge belly]'' Scissors, did you… ''[stomach grumbles while he clutches it]'' Oh. …get a job yet?
:'''Rock''': ''[pushes Paper aside, also stuffed with a huge belly]'' Please say yes.
:'''Scissors''': Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm hiding out in a chamomile field.
:'''Paper''': Oh, of course you are. Then you leave us no choice. ''[pulls a giant pizza pie]'' We're going to eat the most decadent pizza ever created.
:'''Rock''': No!
:'''Paper''': The Ultimate Meat Huggers Double Stuffed Deep Dishanator with 50 pounds… of cheese. ''[Rock starts crying as he eats a slice while Scissors looks confused]'' It's so… ''[grabs his stomach while groaning as it grumbles]'' ...good.
:'''Rock''': ''[whimpers as Paper eats another slice]'' Oh, there's pizza underneath the pizza! ''[he and Paper eat more slices until they fall on their sides and holding their bellies in pain]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. I know what I'm good at! ''[runs away, dropping his phone]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, Rock, he ran away. We're gonna come find you, Scissors. We just want to have… ''[his stomach gurgles; groans]'' …as much fun… Oh, no. …as we're having!
:'''Rock''': No more pizza! NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!

===''The Arctic / Prank War [1.07]''===
:'''Paper''': Why is it so hot in here?
:'''Rock''': Scissors crank the heater up so he can show off his new tank top.
:'''Scissors''': Check it out! It's a monster truck with enormous biceps. It's perfect for tough guys like me. I even had them print my motto on the back. '''''&quot;If you want the 'ceps, you do the reps.&quot;'''''
:'''Paper''': You don't ''do'' the reps, and why are you in a tank top? It's winter. ''[opens the window blinds, revealing the winter sky and wind]'' You're gonna overload the heater like this. It can't handle… ''[the heater suddenly breaks down and the cold air breezes into the apartment; sighs in annoyance]'' Without me, you guys would not survive.
:''[The trio stand outside of Lou's apartment]''
:'''Lou''': I'm ''raising'' the rent!
:'''Rock''': Lou!
:'''Paper''': Hold on!
:'''Scissors''': Give us a second!
:'''Paper''': Listen, our heater broke and we need you to fix it.
:'''Lou''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, fancy, boys, you &quot;set&quot; the temperature in your apartment. You don't got to turn on a hot plate and rub it on your bum.
:'''Rock''': You don't got it either.
:'''Lou''': Well, I can't help you. I'm on my way to Landlord Con. It's a meetup for landlords where we talk about plumbing and famous literature.
:'''Scissors''': Name one book.
:'''Lou''': Fine, it's just plumbing. Anyway, I'll be back in three days. Mittens, you're the new landlord while I'm gone.
:''[Mittens walks out of the doorway and meows to them as if he was saying &quot;I'm ''raising'' the rent!&quot;]''
:'''Rock''': Mittens!
:'''Paper''': Come on!
:'''Scissors''': That's so unfair! ''[as he and his friends return to their apartment]'' It'll be fine. We could survive without heat for three days.
:''[They enter their apartment and shockingly find it all covered in snow and icicles]''
:'''Paper''': Well, we can go stay with my mom.
:'''Rock''': New adventure! Rock, Paper, Scissors move in with Paper's mom!
:'''Paper''': ''[trying to open the door, but only to find that it's quickly frozen; grunting]'' It's frozen shut! We're trapped!
:'''Scissors''': By the way, fun fact about monster trucks-- they don't normally have biceps.
:'''Paper''': ''[groans annoyingly]'' Well, we're off to a great start. We can't call for help because our phones are frozen. ''[to Scissors]'' You won't put on a jacket because you keep saying you &quot;run hot.&quot;
:'''Scissors''': ''[shivering; resisting the cold temperature]'' T-t-tough guys like me don't g-get cold.
:'''Paper''': And Rock is not taking this seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;y50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[wearily while making an igloo]'' I just need to finish this igloo. That'll keep us safe.
:'''Rock''': Oh, here's a good one. If you were a warm, nutritious food, what warm, nutritious food would you be? ''[igloo explodes, covering them in snow]'' Do you prefer the hot or the cold?
:'''Scissors''': Fun fact about me, I actually run…
:'''Paper''': ''[snapping]'' Shut up! Shut up! Ah, I hate this! I am tired of you two being incapable, and I hate always being the savior of this group!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': What'll it take to get you to join? You want money, gifts, someone to hug you and say, &quot;Good job, son&quot;? Wait, that's what I want.
:'''Paper''': Look, pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society. Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them. As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Rock]'' How funny would it be if that wrecking ball would hit him right now?
:'''Pencil''': ''[bursting into their apartment]'' Guys, the Rat Bros asked me to join their side in the prank war!
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked] WHAT?!'' Wait, I actually don't know how to feel about this yet. Keep talking.
:'''Pencil''': I'm so excited! Most people don't know this about me, but I'm a huge trickster. One time, I told a coworker something was made of polycarbonate when it was actually made of polythylmethacrylate!
:'''Paper''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, you are bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are hiding behind a bush in the park, watching the Rat Bros weightlifting]''
:'''Scissors''': Okay. What's the plan, new guy?
:'''Paper''': I say we sneak up and blast them with my water balloon cannon. Now, Rock! Push the button!
:'''Rock''': ''[tries to push the button but the laser zaps him causing him to dance uncontrollably]'' I'm trying but I can't stop dancing!
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it. ''[the laser zaps him; his body starts to inflate like a balloon and floats away]'' What is- Rock, grab me! GRAB ME! ''[holds onto the cannon]''
:'''Paper''': What the heck is going- ''[the laser zaps him; screams as his neck extends like a giraffe and his giraffe-like head falls to the ground]'' Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
:''[The Rat Bros walk up to them]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, the party won't stop!
:'''Logan''': 'Sup, boys? Were you planning to blast us with your secret weapon? Well, ''we'' have a secret weapon too.
:'''Pencil''': ''[popping up from a nearby bush]'' I made an atomic transmogrification laser! It can alter molecular structure in really crazy ways! Watch. ''[zaps Scissors' head, causing it to also inflate]''
:'''Scissors''': My head! My head is a balloon! ''[floats away]''
:'''Paper''': Okay, this might be a bit harder than I thought.
:'''Scissors''': Sharp branch! Sharp branch!
:''[Scissors' nose is poked by a branch and deflates around while the Rat Bros laugh]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[wakes up when he hears loud crashing sounds]'' Did you guys hear something? ''[his brothers wake up, also hearing the sound; they walk over to Scissors, disguised as a graffiti painting, then walk over to Rock, mistaking him for a smart device]'' Smart device, play smooth jazz. ''[Rocks plays some music, but not smooth jazz; walks over to Paper holding a sign saying: &quot;I'm a TV&quot;; realizing something]'' Wait a second. ''[turns back to Rock]'' That's Afro-Cuban jazz!
:''[Rock smiles sheepishly]''
:'''Paper''': GRAB THE LASER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros have tied up the trio to chairs for sneaking into their apartment and trying to steal Pencil's transmogrification laser]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Brody, Brogan and Derf]'' Hey, I know we're in a prank war right now, but I just wanna say I really respect you guys. Prank! You're trashed! Ha, ha! We got one, guys. We got one.
:'''Pencil''': Theft, Paper? That was your plan? You know, I expected something that basic from Scissors, and maybe Rock, 'cause I don't know much about him.
:'''Rock''': We should hang out more.
:'''Pencil''': We should! But come on, man, up your game. It's like, I'm Issac Newton and you're Godfried-Willem Raes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[interrupting the Prank War award ceremony while in a mech suit]'' Stop that crowning!
:'''Woman''': What? Stop the crowning?
:'''Paper''': ''[walks up on the stage]'' Oh, you thought this was over? ''[snickers]'' Well, ''prank! [Scissors grabs Derf from his seat; stands on the podium]'' Ladies and gentlemen, answer me this: How can the Rat Bros accept the prank crown if the Rat Bros aren't all on this planet? ''[Derf is then strapped to a rocket]'' Yes! Do it, Scissors! Wedgie that Rat Bro into space! Look at me now, Pencil! I'm Issac Newton! I'm Issac Newton! ''[laughs maniacally, shaking the podium]''
:''[Rock, Pencil, the Rat Bros, the audience and Paper all watch as Scissors is preparing to fire the missile and send Derf off into space]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[suddenly having a change of heart]'' No. ''[deactivates the rocket and sets Derf down]''
:'''Paper''': What?
:'''Scissors''': No more prank war! ''[the audience gasps]'' I just had a huge revelation. Pranks are mean, and they're hurting our society.
:'''Paper''': Wait, that's what I said.
:'''Scissors''': Just think what we could accomplish if we stopped tricking people and started helping them.
:'''Paper''': ''[baffled]'' Is he doing my speech?
:'''Scissors''': As a man of science, I'd rather spend my time changing the world, curing diseases, and bringing back the rainforest!
:''[The audience clap and cheer, and the Rat Bros whistle]''
:'''Rock''': Whoo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[kneels down to Scissors]'' Good job, son. ''[he and Scissors hug as the latter sheds tears of happiness]''

===''Key Limes / Six Pieces of Turkey [1.08]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[pukes in the trash can and moans]'' Oh, man. Did you see me driving back there? I was cool as a cu- ''[pukes in the trash again]'' …cumber.

===''The Other Rock Paper Scissors / The Astonishing Catalina [1.09]''===
:'''Better Rock, Paper, &amp; Scissors''': Hello!
:'''Scissors''': Oh, boy.
:'''Better Rock''': Come in, come in!
:'''Paper''': Huh. Your place looks similar to ours.
:'''Scissors''': Although, I see you don't see have a TV.
:'''Better Scissors''': Why would we need a TV? We're too entertained by our friends.
:'''Rock, Paper &amp; Scissors''': Ugh.
:'''Better Rock''': Thanks for bringing these over. Funny enough, we just got some of your mail today, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': I don't understand.
:'''Scissors''': You're smarter than us, you're nicer than us, you're at least 15 other things better than us. What's wrong with you guys?!
:'''Better Scissors''': You tell us. We're always willing to grow.
:''[Scissors yells in rage]''
:'''Better Paper''': Hey, you seem upset. Why don't we all go to the couch and talk about our feelings?
:''[The better trio fly back to the couch]''
:'''Rock''': You fly too?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': We can live like this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': Why won't you let me do the trick?!
:'''Scissors''': Because it makes me feel uncool!
:'''Catalina''': What are you talking about? You're effortlessly cool! The only way I can feel cool is by doing magic!
:'''Scissors''': I find that hard to believe, 'cause everything about you is cool! You're stylish and confident and turn horses into dragons!
:'''Catalina''': But you never blink an eye! I've done so many horrible things to you and you always say you can live like this!
:'''Scissors''': YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON I KNOW!
:'''Catalina''': THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT ''YOU!''

===''Pencil Comes Over / The Wind [1.10]''===
:'''Paper''': I can't believe that worked.
:'''Scissors''': I know. It went exactly like I-''[pukes on the ground]'' Oh, whatever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sandpaper''': You're the vomit boy?
:'''Scissors''': That was one time and it hasn't happened si- ''[pukes on the ground again]'' Oh, why?

===''The Holiday Picture / Scrubs [1.11]''===
:'''Rock''': Guys! We got more holiday cards!
:'''Paper''': ''[disappointed]'' Man, everyone looks so perfect in these photos-- Lou, the Rat Bros, even Crazy-Eyed Pirate.
:'''Rock''': Who?
:'''Scissors''': I don't know. We met a lot of wacky characters. It's hard to keep track.
:'''Paper''': Why can't ''we'' take a good holiday picture? Every year, something goes wrong. There was that year Rock's head got stuck in a honey jar, the year we had broccoli in our teeth, the year we were all 8-bit, the year Scissors went Super Saiyan.
:'''Scissors''': That year was awesome!
:'''Paper''': And the year Rock dressed up as some old cartoon character.
:''[The last photo shows Rock in his Rocko getup from [[w:List of Rocko's Modern Life characters|Rocko's Modern Life]]]''
:'''Rock''': You didn't enjoy ''&quot;Rocko, Paper, Scissors&quot;?''
:'''Paper''': Eh, it was okay.
:'''Scissors''': I liked that show. The main guy was always like… ''[imitating Rocko's voice]'' &quot;Hey, mate, I'm Rocko, and I have a dog named Spunky. He-he.&quot; ''[normally]'' Or something like that. I don't do a very good impression.
:'''Paper''': I just want ''one'' perfect holiday photo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': Wait. Where ''is'' your chain?
:'''Scissors''': Oh! Toast Ghost is covering it! Aw, man! Now the caption doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The trio are eating at a cafe while Paper is dressed in a medical uniform and scrubs, much to Scissors' jealousy]''
:'''Scissors''': So, we're just not gonna talk about Paper's clothes.
:'''Paper''': Whatever do you mean?
:'''Rock''': Guys, let's be peaceful.
:'''Scissors''': I mean, you're wearing scrubs. You are not a doctor, and yet, you are wearing the clothes a doctor wears.
:'''Paper''': Oh, is that what these are? I thought they were pajamas.
:'''Scissors''': And the stethoscope?
:'''Paper''': I thought it was a necklace.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah? You wear necklaces now?
:'''Rock''': Scissors, take a breath.
:'''Scissors''': This is insane! He's so desperate for respect, he put on scrubs so people think he's a doctor. Well, no one's buying it, Paper!
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': Wow, a real-life hero! ''[offers Paper to sign his autograph]'' How can I be a doctor one day?
:'''Paper''': I'll say this, it's more than just putting on the clothes.
:'''Scissors''': That's literally all he did!
:'''Rock''': Let's ask ''why'' this upsets you.
:'''Scissors''': Rock, you went on one meditation retreat, you're not some wise, old sage. ''[points to Paper]'' And ''he's'' not a doctor! I bet he can't even tell you what hospital he works at!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[grumbles annoyingly]'' I'm gonna get more respect than ''you,'' Paper. And I know someone's society respects even ''more'' than doctors. ''[walks off and comes back, wearing a basketball jersey]''
:'''Paper''': What are you wearing?
:'''Scissors''': A basketball jersey… Which I guess makes me a professional basketball player.
:'''Paper''': Oh, please. You really think people are going to believe that you're…
:'''Woman''': Ronald Jamison!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Orange-haired Kid''': ''[sitting with three humanoid children pair of scissors]'' What the heck is going on?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Come on, Paper, I'm really hurt! Just admit you're not a doctor!
:'''Paper''': Only if ''you'' admit you're ''not'' Ronald Jamison!
:'''Scissors''': Why don't I admit myself to the hospital…where you don't work!

===''Bowling / The Character Quiz [1.12]''===
:'''Rock''': Want to tell your problems to a rock you never met?
:'''Bowling Owner''': ''[sighs]'' It's that Scissors guy. He's putting me out of business. See? At my bowling alley, a perfect score gets you a free tub of curly fries and a free game. And Scissors got so good at bowling, he hasn't paid for a game in 2 years.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, Scissors gets carried away when he finds a deal. It tends to turn him into a cartoon villain.
:''[Scissors laughs deviously while wearing an evil mustache made of curly fries]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[to Scissors]'' Listen, Scissors. It would really help the owner if you started paying for curly fries.
:'''Scissors''': Oh, naive Rock, always trying to help. Don't you know how life works? You don't win by helping. You win by taking advantage, and exploiting deals for all... they're... worth! ''[laughs maniacally as lightning bolts flash behind him]'' Man, these deals make me a maniac.
:'''Rock''': I like to believe that if you reach out your arms to others, their arms will reach back out to you.
:'''Scissors''': You also believe the Earth is heart-shaped. I can't trust anything you say.
:'''Rock''': Then how about this? I challenge you to a game of bowling. If I win, you have to start paying for curly fries. But if you win, you get the bowling alley.
:'''Scissors''': Seriously? I mean, yeah, of course. That's a very uneven deal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' I was awful back there. I know I'll probably just find another deal and do this all again.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry, Scissors. I found one deal I do want you to take advantage of. ''[hands him a letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[reads the letter]'' '''''&quot;Buy five sessions, get the sixth free!&quot;''''' ''[later cut to him talking to a therapist]'' I will take advantage of this therapy deal. I will exploit it to the ends of the Earth! ''[lightning bolts flash behind him once again]''
:'''Therapist''': And where do you think that comes from?
:'''Scissors''': ''[starts crying]'' I don't know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors both got Stephernie from taking a character quiz from their favorite sitcom: &quot;The Gang's All Here&quot; and Rock ends up getting Creepo the Stinkboy]''
:'''Creepo''': I hang out in abandoned petting zoos. My favorite part of the popsicle is the stick. I hiss at passing cars. ''[hisses at a car that just passed him]'' I have a lot of chest hair in this jar! ''[holds up a jar of his chest hair]''
:'''Dave''': Creepo, why can't you be more like me? Dave.
:'''Rock''': See?
:'''Logan''': ''[enters the trio's apartment]'' I heard you guys got Stephernie. ''I'' got Stephernie!
:'''Brody''': I got Fire Hydrant.
:'''Lou''': ''[sliding in]'' I got Dave!
:'''Scissors''': Sure.
:'''Logan''': I see that.
:'''Paper''': Me too.
:'''Rock''': How? How do you see that?
:'''Logan''': Hey, some Stephernies and I are having a party to watch the 1,000th episode. Now that we're all Stephernies, I'm willing to put aside our differences if you want to come. ''[he, Paper, and Scissors all hold hands and squeal in joy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper and Scissors show up at the Rat Bros' apartment for a private Stephernie party while carrying pizza]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' Come in! I see you brought pizza, as a Stephernie would. Please, put it on the table and join the party.
:'''Scissors''': Wow, check out all these other Stephernies. Baron Von Snootsberg, Robot Executive.
:'''Paper''': Sandpaper, you're a Stephernie, too?
:'''Sandpaper''': Of course, we're both career women, and we both have a secret love of ribbon dancing. ''[gasps]'' Oh, no. Secret's out.
:'''Scissors''': ''[noticing something]'' Wait a minute! Someone brought pepperoni pizza, when everyone knows Stephernie's favorite topping is an entire Thanksgiving dinner! Someone here is '''''not''''' a Stephernie! ''[the others gasp in shock]'' No one's going anywhere, even if it takes all week, we will find the imposter, and when we do, there will be a severe punishment.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I will find this imposter by testing all of you on details only a true Stephernie would know. ''[to Sandpaper]'' What's Stephernie's last name?!
:'''Sandpaper''': Stephernie.
:'''Scissors''': Good. ''[to Baron Von Snootsberg]'' Walk like Stephernie! ''[Baron Von Snootsberg makes monkey moves around the room and hooting like monkey]'' Good. ''[to Robot Executive]'' In season 16, episode 2, what does Stephernie say when she arrives at her younger sister's lake house?
:'''Robot Executive''': Oh, I don't know. You guys are going to kill me. I'm the fraud at the party!
:''[Paper sighs in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': That's exactly what she said.
:'''Paper''': ''[nervously]'' Uh, I have to go to the bathroom… ''[everyone looks at him, suspiciously]'' in a Stephernie way. ''[walks to the Rat Bros' bathroom like a monkey]''
:'''Robot Executive''': Yes, that checks out.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, very Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': ''[on the phone with Paper]'' You snuck into a Stephernie party?! That is shameful behavior.
:'''Paper''': ''[hiding in the bathroom; on the phone with Rock, pacing back and forth]'' You just said you're breaking into a TV studio!
:'''Rock''': For my identity, Paper! My identity is at stake!
:'''Paper''': Look, I've never seen an episode. You gotta tell me everything you know about Stephernie.
:'''Rock''': Well, she's a pretty simple character. She has a degree in biochemistry, sleeps upside down, and fought in six wars.
:'''Paper''': What is this show?
:'''Scissors''': ''[standing up against the bathroom door, having to have heard everything]'' Not a Stephernie, huh?
:'''Paper''': I'm sorry! I just wanted to be a part of something! Don't punish me!
:'''Scissors''': ''[kneels down]'' Who even are you? Brobby, the Wizard, Cheesy the Iguana?
:'''Paper''': Seriously, what is this show?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Wizard''': Listen, Fire Hydrant, I'm your brother. And I don't think this man you're dating is right for you.
:'''Fire Hydrant''': I can't help it. I like my men like I like my fires… Smokin'!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Creepo''': Hey, pal. ''You're'' the Creepo here. Here's your popsicle stick and your chest hair.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': I'm sorry, Paper. I should have never tried to dunk you in a vat of hot lava just for not identifying with the same fictional TV character.
:'''Paper''': And ''I'm'' sorry that-- ''[realizes]'' actually, my thing wasn't that bad.

===''Potato / The Fart Joke Debate [1.13]''===
:'''Paper''': It's &quot;The Paper Show&quot;! Get ready for a one-man show starring Paper and his many talents. ''[Logan gets up and walks away]'' The greatest juggling act you've ever seen in three... two... ''[throws some things which are deadly and screams]'' Hey, dummy. Want to sing as I drink milk? ''[drinks milk and notices a dummy is not singing]'' No. Gonna do some improv for you. I just need a word to get started.
:'''Scissors''': Jacket!
:'''Paper''': Can I get another word?
:'''Pencil''': Circus!
:'''Paper''': Can I get a fruit that's round and orange?
:'''Rock''': Kumquat!
:''[Paper rolls his eyes, thinking of another plan to entertain his friends]''
:'''Paper''': ''[rapping]'' When I say &quot;Paper&quot;, you say &quot;rules&quot;. Paper-
:'''Rock, Scissors, Pencil, &amp; Lou''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Eh. I just don't like fart jokes.
:''[everyone gasps in horror]''
:'''Rock''': What did you say?
:'''Paper''': I don't think they're funny.
:''[everyone gasps again]''
:'''Scissors''': Not even Long Squeakers?
:'''Pencil''': Butt Trumpets?
:'''Rock''': Wet and Nasties?
:'''Paper''': Ew, what? No.
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Pencil and Rock]'' Guys, drop any plans you had. It's time we prove to Paper that fart jokes… ''are'' funny.

===''Paper's Secret Weapon / The Sled Hill [1.14]'' ===
:'''Paper''': ''[mumbling to himself while working]'' Stupid Euclid. Easy to be smart when you were alive. There were only, like, three numbers back then.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Paper. What are you working on?
:'''Paper''': ''[turns around with an angry face]'' I did it. You didn't believe in me, but I created a tabletop fusion reactor that can produce unlimited clean energy!
:'''Rock''': Whoa.
:'''Scissors''': Now this is a winner. The judges are gonna love it.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, and then I'm gonna hurricane kick them in the face! ''[karate kicks a wall and runs off]''
:'''Rock''': We might have made him a little too angry.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah. If he kicks a judge, he's definitely gonna lose. Then he'll be sad and angry.
:'''Rock''': ''[to Paper who's stomping, kicking, and growling]'' Paper, your invention is amazing. I'm proud of you now, and always.
:''[A rainbow appears from his head and into Paper's head reverting him to his normal happy self]'' 
:'''Paper''': Thanks, Rock. I really appreciate that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I forbid you from sledding down that hill. It's a slippery slope ''straight'' to the emergency room. Also, don't add anything I didn't say during this flashback. I'm a big stick-in-the-mud, poopy-pants, poop-poop guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[runs up to Scissors who's lying on the ground]'' Scissors, are you alright?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sits up]'' Oh, my arm.
:'''Rock''': ''[looks at Scissors' right arm]'' Looks okay to me. ''[sees his broken left arm]'' Oh, the ''broken'' arm.
:'''Scissors''': ''[whining]'' Rock, I can't move it. I think it's stuck like this.
:'''Rock''': Don't worry. I got a first aid kit from Chad's Medical School. ''[opens the case and springs pop out of it]'' It's also a comedy school.
:'''Scissors''': ''[groans]''
:'''Rock''': We gotta get Paper.
:'''Scissors''': No! You know Paper. He's gonna say, &quot;I was right&quot; like he always does, and turn it into a whole production. We just have to hide this from him until my arm heals. Are you with me?
:'''Rock''': I'm with you. ''[high fives Scissors, causing him to scream in pain and his arm starts throbbing]'' Oh, right. Your arm.

===''Scissors' Catapult / Pencil and Potato [1.15]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[tries to turn on the lamp but it doesn't work]'' Huh, bulb's dead. I should probably go to the store and get a new one. ''[he goes to the roof instead]'' However did I get here? Oh, perhaps Rock's right. It seems irresponsible to- ''[he catapults the lamp into the sky and laughs joyfully]'' I’M FINALLY ALIVE!!!! I got to find more stuff. ''[whistles but accidentally breaks a toaster]'' Whoops! Guess I gotta catapult this toaster. ''[accidentally breaks the chair]'' Oh, no! Can't sit on a broken chair… Guess I gotta catapult that too. ''[tries to push the fridge to make it fall]'' And is this fridge gonna fall? ''[straining]'' Is this… fridge… gonna… Ah, come on!
:'''Rock''': Paper, are you breaking things to justify catapulting them?


'''Future Kevin''': If you're not going to mow my lawn, I'll make ''you'' mow my lawn!

'''Future Scissors''': ''[while wearing a horse costume]'' You wouldn't hurt a horse, would you?&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pencil''': But we hiked up this mountain together, and I don't know to get back home! 
:'''Scissors''': There's no time, Pencil! There's no time for anything! 
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub?
:'''Rock''': Flub-Bub wants to go to Lobster Fest.
:'''Paper''': Oh, there's definitely time for Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:'''Potato''': Oh, this is bad. We're gonna miss Lobster Fest.
:
:
:
:
:'''Waitress''': I loved that helicopter ride, Flub-Bub. It was so romantic.
:''[Flub-Bub nods his head then tents his fingers waiting for something to say]''
:'''Rock''': Oh, no. He's running out of conversation.
:'''Scissors''': Quick! Feed him a line! 
:
:'''Paper''': Uh… ''[touches his ear that is under a headset with his finger]'' Flub-Bub.
:
:
:'''Flub-Bub''': Flub-Bub!
:'''Waitress''': ''[swoons]'' Oh, Flub-Bub.
:''[Rock, Paper and Scissors sigh in relief]''
:'''Scissors''': Good save, Paper. I think we just avoided a huge catastrophe.
:'''Flub-Bub''': ''[turns into a giant alien monster called a Flub-Bubby, causing the Waitress to scream and run away; in deep voice]'' Flub-Bubby!
:'''Rock''': Oh.
:'''Scissors''': Right.
:'''Paper''': Totally forgot about that.

===''Resolutions / Paper's Book Club [1.16]''===
:'''Scissors''': You know calculators are usually smaller than that, right? And don't run on someone shoveling in coal?
:'''Paper''': Whatever, it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ah, Paper's such a jerk. Making fun of me just 'cause I didn't do my resolution, and also forgot what it was. Well, I'll show him. I still have 12 hours to complete it, and prove I'm not a failure.
:'''Rock''': And I'm going to help you, because my resolution was to help as many people as I can with their resolutions.
:'''Scissors''': But isn't helping people what you normally do? I mean, your resolution could have just as easily been be a rock this year.
:'''Rock''': You know, you can be a jerk sometimes too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': ''[talking about Scissors' resolution]'' January 1st: Scissors sees a poorly-translated Foreign film called ''&quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot;''.
:'''Buff Man''': I lift weight, prove I big success!
:'''Paper''': The resolution is made. January 2nd: Scissors buys every piece of gym equipment he can find and a giant tub of muscle powder. ''[Scissors tries to open the lid]'' But he's not strong enough to open the lid. January 3rd: Scissors eats an entire chocolate cake, feels badly about himself, and gives up on his resolution. And that's the end of the story. Although, there was a day in mid July where Scissors remembered the resolution and had a moment of renewed resolve. But then he ate another entire chocolate cake and felt terrible about himself.
:''[Scissors moans in disappointment]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': How am I so weak? I ate 50 raw eggs.
:'''Rock''': You did what?!
:''[Scissors queasily pukes in the toilet due to a bad pain in his stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Ugh, I'm gonna look like a fool! Paper makes me so mad I could just flip this… ''[tries to flip over the weight bench]'' well, maybe not the weight bench, but these tinier weights! ''[tries to flip them]'' Or at least this weight bench instruction manual! ''[tries to flip the manual; groans]'' How is this possible?! ''[later sits on the floor, watching &quot;Buff Man Lift 450 Pounds Be Success&quot; while eating an entire chocolate cake and feeling horrible about himself… as usual]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[to Paper]'' Hey, can we talk for a second? ''[looks at the camera]'' Uh, off camera? ''[cut to them in his room, with the camera filming them]'' Look, I know I'm a failure. You know I'm a failure. But… but it's another thing for millions of people to see that on the big screen. So I'm begging you, please don't finish this documentary.
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs]'' Scissors, I'm glad you told me that… ''[turns to the camera]'' because I needed it for this movie! ''[laughs and leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors lifts up Paper's calculator and throws it out of the apartment building and it crashes into the street, with hamsters crawling out of it before the clock strikes 12:00]''
:'''Rock''': There were hamsters in there?
:'''Paper''': ''[to Scissors]'' How the heck did you do that?! That calculator weighted 450 pounds!
:'''Scissors &amp; Rock''': ''[both gasp; simultaneously]'' I completed my New Year's resolution!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': Let's sharpen our pens! ''[sharpens his pen with a pencil sharpener and getting his face covered in ink]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors! Scissors, stop! Let me sharpen ''my'' pen! ''[does the same thing like Scissors did]''
:''[Words appear reading: '''&quot;Don't try this at home. Obviously.&quot;''']''
:'''Paper''': ''[annoyed while he facepalms]'' Doofuses. ''[suddenly gets an idea]'' Wait. That's it! I can feel smart if I surround myself with doofuses! I'll just start a book club with the least intelligent people I know!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''News Reporter''': This just in, multiple business owners are sad today, as they've had to close from all the free things they've given away to satisfy customer complaints. And as we all know, the only people who write complaints are whiny little poops. Here's a sketch of what such poops may or may not look like.
:''[A drawing sketch of Rock and Scissors is shown]''
:'''Rock''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no, we're hurting people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[attempting to return all the free stuff]'' I'm giving it back!
:'''Scissors''': ''[trying to stop him]'' You're not giving it back!
:'''Paper''': ''[barges into the apartment]'' Guys, I'm in trouble! My book club starts in 20 minutes, and I… ''[looks around at all the free stuff]'' have no idea what this is.
:'''Rock''': Scissors and I wrote complaints to get free things, but we took it too far, and now we have to return all this stuff we don't deserve. Clothes, phones. ''[A pink flamingo walks past them]'' I don't even know what we complained about to get that.
:'''Paper''': Wait. That's it! I don't need to understand the book. I just need to complain that it's ''bad,'' because people who complain are automatically viewed as right.
:'''Scissors''': See? We're right. Besides, everything we complained about is totally justified.
:'''Rock''': Really? Well, then why do we have all the heads from Easter Island?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': Thanks for coming into the Nickelodeon offices today, Scissors. We brought you in because we received a complaint letter from, well, him.
:''[Rock sits next to her and crosses his arms while glaring at Scissors, revealing he's the one who wrote the letter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[offended]'' Oh, you whiny little poop.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[reading the letter] '''&quot;Dear Nickelodeon… In your program, &quot;Rock Paper Scissors&quot;, Scissors' behavior has been morally reprehensible.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Everyone's ''so'' sensitive.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[continues reading] '''&quot;He rarely learns lessons, and, when given the opportunity to grow, continues with awful behavior.&quot;'''''
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, that's what makes me fun.
:'''Nickelodeon Executive''': ''[finishes reading] '''&quot;This is not a character who should be exposed to our children. Please do something immediately.&quot;''''' I'm sorry, but we're suspending you from the show for two weeks.
:'''Scissors''': WHAT?! (Two weeks?!) Who are you even gonna get to replace me?
:''[The show's intro plays with Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel as Scissors' temporary replacement and the show's title being changed to &quot;Rock Paper Nutso&quot;]''
:'''Nutso''': This show's about to get Nutso!

===''National Paper Day / Helping with the Groceries [1.17]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[stretching himself]'' Alright, Paper, you haven't exercised in three years. Time to run a marathon! ''[exits the apartment building, and is surprised to see the whole town celebrating and watching a parade led by Rock]''
:'''Rock''': Happy International Rock Day!
:'''Paper''': International Rock Day? That's not a real holiday.
:'''Rock''': Sure, it is. Every July 13th, we throw rock beads… We hit rock piñatas… And we just generally rock out, especially Scissors.
:'''Scissors''': ''[leading a marching band]'' Whoo-hoo! I love this parade energy! Let's keep the party going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': (Hello?) Is this the Committee of National Holidays?
:'''Rock''': ''[turning around in his chair, revealing himself]'' You bet it is!
:'''Paper''': ''[suprised]'' Rock?! ''You're'' on the committee?!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, I'm the head of it, along with the representatives of National Pencil Day, National Potato Day, National Bubble-blowing Day, and of course, National Raspberry Cake Day.
:'''Raspberry Cake''': I'm cake.
:'''Paper''': ''[disbelieved]'' Good Lord. Anyway, I'd like a day, please.
:''[The representatives all laugh]''
:'''Rock''': Paper, we don't just ''give'' out days.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah, each one of us has presented a case for why we deserve one.
:'''Potato''': I don't even know how I got here.
:'''Pencil''': Yes, you do, Potato. You gave a speech that brought us to tears.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Potato''': That presentation was ''terrible.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying a bunch of groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, can you help us bring in the groceries?
:'''Scissors''': ''[sitting on the couch, holding a sandwich]'' I would, but my hands are full.
:'''Rock''': Well, just put it down.
:'''Scissors''': ''[now holding a lamp]'' Now I have another thing.
:'''Paper''': Scissors!
:''[Scissors whistles while holding a sandwich, a lamp, and three bowling balls]''
:'''Rock''': Scissors, come on! Can you just help us ''one'' time?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': I don't see what the big deal is. It's just putting away some groceries.
:'''Scissors Citizen''': Oh, sure, first you're putting away groceries. Next you're donating a kidney!
:''[All the Scissors in the court shout angrily]''
:'''Chairman Scissors''': ''[banging the gavel]'' Order! Order! Have you forgotten ''why'' we don't help? Don't you remember the Ice Cream incident?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nice Scissors''': Excuse me. Could I talk to you about helping?
:'''Traffic Cop Scissors''': Can't you see I'm busy directing traffic? ''[makes the cars crash into each other and laughs sinisterly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Firefighter Scissors''': There it is! Step on it!
:''[The fire truck pulls up at a fast food drive-thru]''
:'''Firefighter Scissors #2''': We'll have six burgers.
:'''Drive-Thru Employee Scissors''': Make 'em yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A memory footage shows Young Scissors running down the school hallway, and accidentally rips his pants while crouching down to pick up a piece of paper, showing his underwear and butt crack]''
:'''Young Scissors''': Oh, no! I ripped my pants at school! ''[gets attacked by a Pterodactyl that swooped in]''
:'''Nice Scissors''': That was a bad day.

===''The Family Business / Glitter Bomb [1.18]''===
:'''Rock''': ''[covered in glitter after singing a tune while getting mail]'' What just happened?
:'''Scissors''': I think someone sent you a glitter bomb.
:'''Rock''': ''[getting angry]'' Do you know how difficult it is to remove glitter? Who would do this to me? ''[sadly]'' Who would do this to me?! ''[furiously]'' WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!
''[After Rock catches Paper with a fishing pole]''

'''Paper''': No! Please! Please!

'''Rock''': ''[holds up tape]'' It's folding time.

'''Paper''': Forgive me! Forgive me! No!

'''Rock''': ''[reveals the words on the tape saying &quot;Gotcha&quot;] [happy]'' Gotcha!

'''Paper''': What?

'''Scissors''': ''[runs up to him]'' Gotcha! Oh, man. We got you so good!

'''Paper''': What the heck is going on?

'''Rock''': We knew you did the glitter bomb the whole time.

'''Scissors''': So we thought it'd be funny if Rock pretended to be ''enraged'' by it and go on a crazy manhunt to scare you.

'''Paper''': What?!

'''Scissors''': Yeah, all of us were in on it. The mailman, Chad BrockChad, all the prisoners.

'''Rock''': ''[giggles]'' Pretty funny, huh, Paper?

'''Paper''': Are you insane? This isn't funny at all! I thought my life was in danger!

'''Scissors''': It's just a joke.

'''Paper''': I've been living Alaska for eight months! I bought a house here! I- ''[stammers]'' Look. I should have never tried to be funny, but you two shouldn't have either, so no more jokes. Okay? From now on, let's just all agree that none of us are funny.

'''Rock''': Yeah. I guess none of us are funny.

'''Scissors''': Not a one of us.

''[the trio sadly stare one by one at the viewer]''

===''Diapers / R.O.V.E.R. [1.19]''===
:'''Paper''': Scissors, why did you bring us here? This place is awful.
:'''Scissors''': Because it's the hottest spot in town. I've got to be seen here to maintain my cool reputation.
:'''Paper''': You don't ''have'' a cool reputation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[after throwing all the diapers into the ocean as they start absorbing]'' Oh, no! I forgot how absorbent they are!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Chad was right not to work with us. Our business was a huge failure.
:'''Scissors''': ''[sobbing]'' AND MINE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS!
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we heard about that. ''[outside the apartment building, a giant diaper rolls down the street, passing by]'' It's okay, Scissors. I'm sure everyone will forget about this once a better diaper comes along.
:'''Scissors''': How could you make a better diaper? It would have to have Bluetooth, compatibility, be reversible, and get out the toughest stains, with half the calories! ''[Rock and Paper both gasp and take out their invention, believing he's signifying it]'' It would need to keep your hot drinks hot and your cold drinks cold, and I wouldn't want my face on it, and it'd had to have, I'll just randomly say, Paper's face… ''[Rock and Paper both sulk]'' Or Rock's.

===''Trash [1.20]''===
:'''Paper''': ''[sniffs an unpleasant smell]'' What is that smell?
:'''Scissors''': ''[looks at the garbage with some flies buzzing around]'' I think it's Rock.
:'''Paper''': Scissors, you still haven't taken out the trash?
:'''Scissors''': ''[waving his hand; dismissively]'' Yeah, yeah. I'll get to it.
:'''Paper''': No, do it now.
:'''Scissors''': I'll do it really soon.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Dian''': I'm at my breaking point, Chris. We've dealt with too much noise and agony from all these wacky Rock Paper Scissors shenanigans. ''[flashback shows multiple episodes from the past]'' The rhino stomping around when Putty was there, the meltwater dripping through when their place turned into the Arctic, last Christmas, they were 10 different ghosts, and at one point, Scissors farted into a microphone and blew out all the windows in the building. What's it going to take for us to go up there and say something?

==Season 2==
===''Franz Roll and the Lost Rainbow Pants of Atraxes the Apple Bottomed [2.01]''===
===''Paper and Pencil Tell a Joke / Scissors' Orchestra [2.02]''===

===''Shoot / Rock's First Day of Work [2.03]''===
===''Paper Attends an Elite Institution / The New Landlord [2.04]''===
:'''Scissors''': You wanna go home?
:'''Paper''': Why? Because you think I can't ''handle'' 3rd grade?
:'''Scissors''': No, because I do not care about this.
:'''Paper''': Oh, yeah, you think I'm too stupid that I can't get ''one'' &quot;A&quot;?
:'''Scissors''': Listen. I know I usually antagonize you in situations like this, but I'm really not invested here. Rock and I are apartment-sitting for Pencil this week, and we're gonna play with all her cool gadgets, which seems like way more fun than this… frankly sad 3rd grade development. So, do whatever you want, but again, I could not care less.
:'''Paper''': Well, ''I'll'' show you, Scissors! I ''will'' get an &quot;A&quot;, an &quot;A-plus&quot;, with a good job sticker on top!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': ''[holding up one of Pencil's gadgets]'' Scissors, look! Pencil has a shapeshifter! ''[activates it, turning him and Scissors into snowmen]''
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Whoa! ''[they then turn into [[w:Minecraft|Minecraft]] style]'' Whoa!
:'''Paper''': Well, I bet you're ''loving'' this, Scissors! Old doofus Paper failing 3rd grade!
:''[Rock and Scissors have turned into an apple and a banana]''
:'''Scissors''': Again, I do not care.
:'''Paper''': And now I have a group project due at the end of the week on genetic engineering and no one will want to work with me 'cause I'm the least intelligent kid in the class!
:''[Rock and Scissors have then turned into frogs]''
:'''Scissors''': Paper, we've turned ourselves into frogs. We're looking for flies.
:'''Paper''': Could we just acknowledge this?! This is insane! I mean, Rock, do ''you'' know quantum mechanics?
:'''Rock''': Of course! I learned it in the 3rd grade.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Catalina''': I'll be back, Scissors! And next time, I'll take you down!
:'''Scissors''': Not if I take you down first.
:'''Catalina''': How could you?! You have the brain of an ant!
:'''Scissors''': And you have the face of the dead!
:'''Catalina''': I hate you so much!
:'''Scissors''': I HATE YOU MORE!
:''[They slowly start to kiss, but snap out of it and look away from each other, awkwardly]''
:'''Catalina''': Anyway, you're the worst.
:'''Scissors''': Yeah, uh… same to you.
:'''Rock''': What is happening with them?!

===''The Origami Robot / Scissors Sees An Inspirational Sports Movie [2.05]''===
:''[The trio's apartment is being decorated for the holidays and Paper and Pencil are decorating the Christmas tree together]''
:'''Paper''': ''[sighs dreamily]'' I love the holidays. It really is the best time of year.
:'''Pencil''': Yeah. You get to relax, have some quiet time, and…
:'''Rock''': ''[barging in with Scissors clutching his stomach]'' SCISSORS ATE A PINECONE!
:'''Pencil''': What?! Why?!
:'''Scissors''': Rock dared me to!
:'''Rock''': No, I said, &quot;Don't do that!&quot;
:'''Scissors''': Which I took as a dare!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': I'm with Paper. This really is the best time of year.
:'''Paper''': It is. And I'm glad everything worked out.
:'''Pencil''': Although I do feel bad the robot didn't remove the pinecone.
:''[Zoom out to reveal Scissors laying flat on the floor with the pine tree growing out of his buttocks, which Paper and Pencil were decorating]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[disappointed]'' Not as bad as I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Scissors is watching an inspirational sports movie when Rock and Paper enter the apartment, carrying groceries]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, shoot! He's watching an inspirational sports movie!
:'''Rock''': Every time he sees one of those, he thinks ''he'' can do that stuff!
:'''Paper''': Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
:'''Rock''': ''[searching everywhere for the remote]'' I can't! Where's the remote?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting on TV]'' Scrudy! Scrudy!
:'''Paper''': I DON'T KNOW! JUST RIP THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL!
:'''Rock''': Which one?! THERE ARE SO MANY CORDS!

===''The Altruistic-Off / The Album [2.06]''===
:''[Paper and Scissors are watching Rock playing a [[w:The Sims (video game)|Sims]] parody video game, until they hear the Rat Bros laughing and cheering from above the fourth floor]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh. Are the Rat Bros having another party?
:'''Rock''': They are such jerks!
:'''Paper''': Let's go up there and tell them to start being respectable members of society.
:'''Scissors''': Okay, but just don't get on your high horse again.
:''[Cut to them standing outside the Rat Bros' apartment while Paper rides on his high horse; Scissors knocks on the door]''
:'''Logan''': ''[answers the door]'' 'Sup, bros? Oh, are we tutoring too loud?
:'''Paper''': Tutoring?
:'''Logan''': Yeah. We tutor underprivileged kids all the time. ''[shows his brothers tutoring four children]'' Ruby, tell 'em the thesis of your report.
:'''Ruby''': In a juxtaposition of the sublime and the banal, the artist's oeuvre deftly encapsulates the ephemeral nature of human experience.
:''[Derf blares a party air horn; the trio are baffled by what they just saw and are back in their apartment…]''
:'''Scissors''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Rock''': The Rat Bros aren't supposed to be better than us! They're supposed to be one-dimensional bad guys!
:'''Paper''': Yeah! I refuse to live in a world where the Rat Bros are morally superior. Because then we can't judge them! And that's how I feel good about myself!
:'''Scissors''': Paper, get off the horse.
:'''Paper''': I can't, I need a step stool!
:''[Meanwhile, in the Rat Bros' apartment…]''
:'''Logan''': ''[laughing]'' Did you see how upset they were?
:'''Brogan''': Our altruistic plan is totally working!
:'''Derf''': We are such jerks!
:'''Rat Bros''': ''[chest bumping]'' Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[confused]'' But wait… are we jerks? Tutoring these kids is really nice. Bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro. Nice, bro.
:'''Logan''': Brody, don't be ridiculous. We're only doing good things to make Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel bad about themselves, which is a jerk thing to do. And remember, the two rules of being a Rat Bro: If a bro asks you to spot 'em, you gotta spot 'em. And what's number two, kids?
:'''Kids''': Rat Bros are jerks because jerks are cool.
:'''Logan''': And you wanna be cool, right, Brody?
:'''Brody''': Of course. That's my one and only thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Shower?
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO! Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rat Bros' apartment; Logan is reading an article about the trio being the best guys in town and receiving all the praise]''
:'''Logan''': ''[outraged]'' Ugh! This makes me so mad! Why do we still pay for the newspaper?! ''[angrily marches over to the weight bench to do a set]'' Brogan, spot me. I'm doing an angry set! We cannot let Rock, Paper, and Scissors feel good about themselves. We have to beat them!
:'''Brody''': Wait, Logan. Are you saying…
:'''Logan''': Yes, Brody. It's time for an altruistic-off!
:'''Ruby''': Altruistic-off: A competition in which people or groups try to win by doing the most good for society.
:'''Logan''': Uh, Ruby, you can go home. Okay. Derf, go save the whales. Brogan and I will eliminate political corruption. And Brody? Get a PhD in robotic engineering to give people without limbs the best in robotic prostheses.
:'''Derf''': But, Logan, I already have a PhD in robotic engineering.
:'''Logan''': Too late. I already gave out the assignments.
:''[Another article shows the Rat Bros being #1 good guys and receiving more praise]''
:'''Rock''': ''[reading the article; crossly]'' This is terrible! Newspapers are so important, and no one cares anymore!
:'''Scissors''': What's the point of cleaning all this garbage off the street if we're losing?! ''[pushes the huge garbage bag out the window, and it splatters on the street, covering some people in garbage]''
:'''Paper''': We have to beat the Rat Bros, otherwise, I won't be able to judge them on my high horse! And how am I supposed to feel good about myself then, by winning horse races? ''[the horse shakes its head no]'' See? He's not into it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': Feast your eyes, Rat Bros! I have created a device that will solve the global housing crisis by spitting out a fully-built house in just ''five'' seconds!
:'''Scissors''': We're gonna officially unveil it tomorrow at the Nobel Prize ceremony and beat you once and for all!
:'''Rock''': Build houses! That's what we should do!
:'''Paper''': See? He got there. ''[he and his friends leave with their invention]''
:'''Logan''': ''[frustrated]'' D'oh! I can't believe they're gonna beat us! They are such… good guys.
:'''Brody''': Actually, I think we'll still win.
:'''Logan''': What do you mean?
:'''Brody''': I saw a flaw in the device's engine. If they try to use that thing, it'll explode.
:'''Derf''': Yes!
:'''Brogan''': Sweet!
:'''Logan''': All right!
:'''Rat Bros''': Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro! Nice, bro!
:'''Brody''': ''[quietly as Logan and Brogan walk away]'' Nice, bro.
:'''Derf''': ''[noticing Brody's timidity; concerned]'' Hey, are you okay?
:'''Brody''': Yeah, I'm cool. ''[chuckles awkwardly]'' Cool. I'm cool! Ha-ha. Cool guy. Super cool Brody. Listen, can I tell you something? You remember how I got my PhD from Princeton, right?
:'''Derf''': Yeah, in two days. Very impressive.
:'''Brody''': Well, I got a job at a hospital working in robotic prosthetics. ''[Flashback begins with him putting some robotic arms on an armless patient named Mr. Drake]'' All right, Mr. Drake. Test them out.
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[grips his robotic arms, controlling them; surprised]'' Oh, my gosh. I-I can wave! I can point! I can… ''[uses them to scratch an itch on his behind]'' Oooh, I've been waiting to scratch that for 25 years!
:'''Brody''': ''[voice-over]'' But then, something weird happened.
:'''Mr. Drake''': Could I… hug you? It would be the first hug I've ever given.
:'''Brody''': ''[unsure]'' Um… I don't really--
:'''Mr. Drake''': ''[hugging him; sobbing happily]'' Thank you, Brody. You changed my life!
:'''Brody''': ''[hugs him in return with his eyes tearing up; voice-over]'' It felt amazing! And for the first time, I had a new thought.
:''[Zoom into his brain]''
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
:'''Brody's Neuron #1''': Be good.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good. Be good.
:'''Brody's Neuron #2''': We really should shower, though.
:'''Brody's Neurons''': NO!
:''[Back to the present]''
:'''Brody''': I think… I think I might be a good guy.
:'''Derf''': ''[gasps in dramatic shock]'' No. Brody, no. A-are you sure?
:'''Brody''': This morning, I wrote a big check to a food bank!
:'''Derf''': But you know the rules… jerks are cool. Good guys are… I don't even know!
:'''Brody''': Derf, I get it. But I'm thinking about that machine and… it just feels wrong to do nothing. Those homes would help so many people.
:'''Derf''': Look, I know it's tough, but sometimes you gotta make hard choices in life. Do you want to foster the well-being of millions… or be cool? ''[starts to walk away]''
:'''Brody''': Hey, Derf… when you were saving the whales, were you thinking about beating Rock, Paper, and Scissors, or about how good it felt to save those whales?
:'''Derf''': ''[thinking for a second]'' Get some rest, bro. ''[resumes walking away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Next day at the Nobel Prize ceremony… while the trio are preparing to present their house-building invention, Brody sneaks into backstage to fix it, but finds Logan already there, feeling deeply betrayed after finding out about his and Derf's conversation]''
:'''Brody''': ''[hesitantly]'' Logan!
:'''Logan''': ''[disappointed]'' I knew I'd find you here. Your &quot;nice, bro&quot; chest bump yesterday was lackluster at best. I gotta say, I feel betrayed… like Edmond Dantès in ''The Count of Monte Cristo.''
:'''Brody''': That's a very literate reference.
:'''Logan''': Ah, we covered a lot in tutoring.
:'''Brody''': I'm sorry, but I can't let that device explode.
:'''Logan''': Spot me.
:'''Brody''': ''[having to have heard that; shocked]'' What? Here?!
:'''Logan''': I wanna do a set. ''[Brody reluctantly obeys and sets down the pliers]'' Why are you doing this, Brody?!
:'''Brody''': The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of.
:'''Logan''': Is that Blaise Pascal?
:'''Brody''': We covered a lot in tutoring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[to Brody; irked]'' You said it wouldn't work! Ugh, whatever. We'll find another way to get Rock, Paper, and Scissors. ''[walks off]''
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to the invention; puzzled]'' But how did it not explode?
:'''Derf''': ''[off-screen]'' I guess we'll never know.
:'''Brody''': ''[turns to him holding the pliers, revealing '''he's''' the one who fixed it; surprised]'' Derf?!
:'''Derf''': ''[hands Brody back the pliers]'' Maybe being a good guy is cool too. ''[walks off into the sunset as Brody smiles touchingly, realizing that his conversation with him changed his mind]''
:'''Paper''': ''[with his foot stuck in the saddle's stirrup]'' HELP! I'm stuck in the stirrup!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Rock and Paper burst through the walls of Pencil, the Rat Bros, and Lou's apartments, screaming excitedly when Scissors tells them he's going on a romantic date with famous pop star, Lolly]''
:'''Paper''': Scissors, I don't know if you know this, but we're big Lolly fans.
:'''Rock''': Yeah, we're in the Lolly Army. ''[he and Paper put on Lolly ponytails]''
:'''Paper''': How did you get a date with her?
:'''Scissors''': I just asked. See, most men are afraid of rejection, but not me. I'm used to rejection.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Paper''': First of all, every track is a banger.
:'''Rock''': Also, this Scissors guy sounds like a jerk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lolly writes an album about her breakup with Scissors after their disastrous date when he accidentally spilled his spaghetti on her dress, making him become the most hated person on Earth]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the TV after watching the news]'' This is terrible! I gotta go down to Convenient News and tell everyone I'm not a bad guy! ''[walks down the street, passing an angry crowd, booing at him]'' I know, I know, but I'll explain everything on TV!
:'''Driver''': This is for Lolly! ''[splashes water on him]''
:'''Driver #2''': This is also for Lolly! ''[splashes more water on him]''
:'''Driver #3''': ''[throwing out a bucket of snakes at him]'' EAT SNAKES, JERK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[returns to the apartment; bummed]'' Of all the bad days in my life, that probably broke the top 50. ''[sees his friends dancing to Lolly's album]''
:'''Paper''': By the way, I'd also recommend not going online.
:'''Rock''': We wrote some really nasty stuff.
:'''Scissors''': ''[turns off the music]'' Guys, this is serious! I can't even leave the house! I gotta get everyone to stop hating me.
:'''Rock''': I don't know how you could do that.
:'''Paper''': Yeah, Lolly's the victim here.
:'''Scissors''': ''[as an idea pops into his head]'' That's it! ''That's'' how you win over the public sympathy! I just need to out-victim Lolly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[apologizing to everyone after hearing the song]'' I just heard the song for the first time, and I understand why you and Lolly are upset (with me). I was so consumed by my desire to be loved that I didn't see I was taking advantage of her fame. It was selfish and immature, and I never want to hurt anyone like that again. I'm truly, truly sorry. Will you accept my apology?
:''[After a brief moment…]''
:'''Everyone''': NO!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lolly''': This is ''way'' out of hand! Sure, Scissors messed up, but he doesn't deserve ''this.'' And frankly, you guys are so intense sometimes it scares me. I mean, is that a mythological war hammer?! ''[Paper is shown to be holding and electrical war hammer and he and Rock sadly hang their heads down]'' So please, take it down a notch. And you don't need to do things like this for me. I'm not a god. ''[stops the meteor from hitting the Earth; voice booming] '''NO!'''''
:'''Meteor''': Whatever you say, Lolly! Love the new album! ''[flies away into space]''
:''[Everyone leaves, saying sorry]''
:'''Paper''': Sorry, Lolly.
:'''Lolly''': I heard your apology. I'm glad you learned your lesson. And I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have written 16-full length songs about why you were terrible.
:'''Scissors''': Sixteen? I thought you only wrote ten.
:'''Lolly''': No, I only released ten. I might release the other six as bonus tracks. ''[Everyone comes back, screaming excitedly]'' But I might not!
:'''Everyone''': ''[disappointed]'' Aww! ''[walk away]''
:'''Lolly''': Hey, all this aside, I did still have fun with you. So maybe we could go on a second date. What do you think?
:'''Scissors''': ''[thinking about it for a moment]'' Hard pass.
:'''Lolly''': What?
:'''Scissors''': Do you have any idea how awful you made my life? I was the most hated man on Earth. The nation of Japan publicly denounced me. And I was almost torn apart by 2,000 psychopaths in bows. So, yes, I '''''did''''' learn a lesson, but it was to never, ever date pop stars. Hard pass. ''[walks away]''
:'''Lolly''': That wasn't very nice. I should write an album about that.

===''Paper Takes the Phones / The Bedtime Story [2.07]''===
:''[Paper takes away Rock and Scissors' phones for confiscation, forcing them to spend quality with him in putting together a puzzle]''
:'''Rock''': Hey!
:'''Scissors''': Give it back!
:'''Paper''': You know, I just want us all to connect, but you're always on your phones.
:'''Scissors''': Name one comedic example.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Rat Bros are in Derf's room, hearing the trio arguing from under while Derf is asleep with his face drawn on with a marker]''
:'''Logan''': Those guys are so inconceivable.

===''Scissors is a Good Boy / Paper's Family Get-Together [2.08]''===
:'''Franz''': Wait. Who is that? ''[points to Scissors, and pats him on the head, mistaking him for a dog]'' Look at you! You are such a good boy!
:'''Scissors''': ''[baffled]'' Does he think I'm a dog?
:'''Franz''': ''[throws a ball]'' Fetch!
:'''Scissors''': I mean, I'm gonna get the ball. It's a cool ball.
:'''Franz''': ''[turns to Rock]'' Rock, your dog is amazing!
:'''Rock''': Uh, that's not my dog.
:'''Franz''': So it's a stray? I must have it! ''[to Scissors]'' How'd you like to come live with your new doggie daddy?
:'''Scissors''': Dude, I'm '''''not''''' a dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Scissors''': ''[as the veterinarian checks his ears]'' This is great! They got rid of all my worms and fleas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Rock''': How is none of this bothering you? Don't you feel shame?
:'''Scissors''': Normally? Every waking second. But all that shame goes away when I'm surrounded by expensive things.
:'''Franz''': ''[off-screen]'' Doggie! I got you a new toy! ''[presents Scissors a helicopter]''
:'''Scissors''': ''[laughs]'' I don't know what he thinks a dog is, but I wanna keep being one!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the trio are fighting against Dr. Big Bat over a big strawberry, Paper gets a reminder on his phone for his annual family get-together]''
:'''Paper''': Oh, no.
:'''Scissors''': What?
:'''Rock &amp; Scissors''': Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': What? What is it?
:'''Paper''': I totally forgot. Today's my annual family get-together.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Oh, well, we can reschedule, if you need to go.
:'''Paper''': No, it's not that. It's… ''[sighs deeply]'' I come from a family of ''very'' high achievers. There's my sister, Sandpaper, an action movie star. My brother, Toilet Paper, a popular stand-up comedian. My mom, Newspaper, an award-winning journalist. My dad, Parchment Paper, a famous pastry chef. And then there's me… the dud.
:'''Dr. Big Bat''': Wait, why is your name the only one that's not a specific type of paper?
:'''Paper''': I actually go by my middle name. My full name's Plain Paper.
:'''Scissors''': What?! ''[laughs]'' That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! I'm gonna get as much mileage out of that as possible!
:'''Paper''': Every time we get together, my family goes around the table and says what they accomplished in the last year. Everyone says something incredible until it gets to me. I share something stupid… then my family says, &quot;Wow, Paper. That's really something.&quot; And then they give me a cookie. I've always wanted to do something incredible, but nothing I do is. And don't want to be humiliated again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Paper arrives at his family home where his family is in the living room, watching home movies]''
:'''Newspaper''': You're just in time for home movies.
:'''Toilet Paper''': There I am, recording my first special.
:'''Sandpaper''': There I am, practicing my kicks.
:'''Newspaper''': And there's Paper. Is he gonna mix those chemicals?
:'''Toilet Paper''': ''[laughs]'' You always had the highest hospital bills.
:'''Parchment Paper''': ''[enters with a cake]'' Okay, time to eat. I hope everyone like Forever Cake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Parchment Paper''': Paper? What's going on? And why are your friends here?
:'''Scissors''': We kidnapped Paper too?
:'''Rock''': Because we have beef and… Uh… Come back to me.
:'''Paper''': What's going on is I don't want to go back to that table! You don't know how humiliating it is to hear about all the incredible things you do every year because I never do any myself. ''[to Sandpaper]'' You're working on big action movies, ''[to his mother]'' you're breaking national news, and I'm just Plain Paper. That's why I staged this kidnapping. Rock, Scissors, and I were fighting Dr. Big Bat over a giant strawberry we grew for the county fair, and we thought he'd make a good kidnapper. But then you got through all the bats, so I had to call a bunch of people I met over the past year. Like the ghosts we befriended when we tried to get the perfect holiday picture, the tortoises I accidentally made huge from toxic ooze and taught martial arts in the sewer, and the Hipponoids from the time I stopped their invasion and saved Earth.
:'''Newspaper''': Hold on. You did all that in the last year?
:'''Paper''': ''[sadly]'' Yeah, I go on a lot of silly adventures.
:'''Sandpaper''': Paper, that's not silly at all.
:'''Paper''': It's not?
:'''Parchment Paper''': Are you kidding? Who goes on adventures like that?
:'''Toilet Paper''': Yeah, that's… That's incredible!
:'''Rock''': Ah, that's why I should've said.

===''Moonami 12 / Spider Court [2.09]''===
:'''Scissors''': ''[gazing at the cow-tsunami coming towards him; sadly]'' Our tradition is ruined. We don't have snacks, my friends are gone, and I'm just a cow. A big, dumb cow.
:'''Max''': Then take off the costume.
:'''Scissors''': I can't, Max. I'm only wearing underwear.
:'''Max''': ''[kneels down to him]'' You can still get the job done. Because what do I always say?
:'''Scissors &amp; Max''': Everybody gets down sometimes, but the important thing is to get back up, because up is the opposite of down and staying down just means you've given up, but I never give up, I only get down, because I'm Max Moonami, the guy who rides cows.
:'''Max''': That's right.
:'''Scissors''': Hey, Max… thanks.
:'''Max''': Don't thank me, Scissors. I just exist in your head.
:'''Scissors''': Wait, so I ''can't'' do it?
:'''Max''': Uh, don't think about it. ''[to the camera]'' Quick. Zoom out! Zoom out!
:''[Zoom out of Scissors' head; He takes off his cow costume and sets it down on the three reserved seats for Rock, Paper, and himself, leaving him in his underwear]''
:'''Scissors''': Nobody sit here!

===''Scissors, the Supervillain / Car Wash Nationals [2.10]''===

==Season 3==
===''The Watching / Nightmares [3.01]''===
===''Emotional Support Convertible / The Baseball [3.02]''===
===''Rock's Half Birthday / Cherry Picking [3.03]''===
===''The Wish / Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock, Paper, Scissors [3.04]''===
===''Salmon Delivery for Ya / The Train Problem [3.05]''===
===''Hardcore / Scissors' New Therapist [3.06]''===
===''The Henry Winkler Episode / Paper Loves Potato [3.07]''===
===''The Secret / Sandpaper's Workout Program [3.08]''===
===''Paper: Renowned Researcher / Meatball [3.09]''===
===''The Apology Soirée / Scissors' Perfect Match [3.10]''===

==Cast==
*[[w:Carlos Alazraqui|Carlos Alazraqui]] – Scissors
*[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]] – Rock
*[[w:Thomas Lennon|Thomas Lennon]] – Paper
*[[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] – Pencil
*[[w:Ray Chase (voice actor)|Ray Chase]] – The Rat Bros; Logan, Brody, Brogan / Baron Von Snootsberg
*[[w:Max Mittelman|Max Mittelman]] – Derf the Rat Bro / Shoot
*[[w:Eddie Pepitone|Eddie Pepitone]] – Lou Zer
*[[w:Lauren Ash|Lauren Ash]] – Sandpaper / Nutso, the Rapping Squirrel
*[[w:Betsy Sodaro|Betsy Sodaro]] – Potato
*[[w:Eugene Cordero|Eugene Cordero]] – Putty
*[[w:Isabela Merced|Isabela Merced]] – The Susan
*[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] – Chad Brockchad
*[[w:JP Karliak|JP Karliak]] – Convenient News Reporter
*[[w:Abby Trott|Abby Trott]] – Robot Executive
*Marlene Martinez – Astonishing Catalina
*[[w:Alessia Cara|Alessia Cara]] – Lolly
*[[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] – Franz Roll
*[[w:Mallory Jansen|Mallory Jansen]] – Cate Blanket
*[[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] – Dr. Big Bat
*Vanessa Marshall – Newspaper
*[[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] – Parchment Paper
*Jay Pharaoh – Toilet Paper

[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 15</title>
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    <revision>
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      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34346-25</username>
        <id>3340315</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Weiner Takes All [15.5a] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="18565" sha1="6t52b7dcto5h4wiulxth3lrii7oxfjm" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 15}}
{{SpongeBob header}}
'''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' (1999–present) is an animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games.

==Episode 1==
===''Sammy Suckerfish'' [15.1a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Galloping Garbage!
===''Big League Bob'' [15.1b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[flips a patty in the kitchen, putting it all together on a plate]''
:'''Squidward''': Huh? ''[to SpongeBob]'' Will you cut the pizzazz and finish the order? ''[grunts]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[opens a pickle jar, slipping]'' Whoops! ''[hits the pickles with his spatula, jumps onto Squidward's head, and leaps into the air, grabbing a rope and catching all the ingredients with a plate; he jumps on Squidward's head again and goes back into the kitchen]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Restaurant manager''': ''[as SpongeBob tosses patties]'' Time out! ''[snatches a patty]'' You're supposed to be cooking high-class cuisine, not fast food.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[shrugs]'' Yeah, well, ''[jumps onto the counter]'' thanks for the opportunity, but I like it better in the Krusty leagues. ''[takes off his chef hat and gives it to the restaurant manager]'' I forfeit. ''[jumps off the counter]''
:'''Restaurant manager''': Huh, these kids today. ''[walks off]'' No respect for the game.

==Episode 2==

===''UpWard'' [15.2a]===
:''[Squidward enters at The Krusty Krab.]''
:'''Squidward''': Hello,  Losers!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[his head turns Alaround) Hi, Squidward!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[while putting his money on a cash register]''   What's with all thr joy, Mr. Squidward?
:'''Squidward''': I'm a paid musician Now!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': You? Musician? Paid?! ''[Starts laughing]''
:'''Squidward''': Laugh all you Want,  but it's True. I don't need This miniwage prison anymore! I ''quit!'' ''[Leaves in a huff, Mr. Krabs continues laughing]''

===''Unidentified Flailing Octopus'' [15.2b]===
:''[SpongeBob and  Patrick, with Space alien hats, start to Celebrate.]''
:'''Both''':  Yeah! Cool!
:''[Squidward enters with a Space alien mask and a nightshirt]''
:'''Squidward''':  Greetings, Earthlings.
:'''SpongeBob''':  ''[Stammering]'' A r-r-r-real space alien! Greetings, sir.
:'''Squidward''': ''[Laughs and takes off the mask]'' It's me,  you tin - foiled twins!  It Was all me! Space aliens don't exist! '''Get it?!'''
:'''SpongeBob''': Thank you, Squidward. ''[He and Patrick   take off their hats]'' We can see know how silly we really were.

==Episode 3==

===''Bad Luck Bob'' [15.3a]===
SpongeBob: Ah!
[He jumps on a stop sign and uses it as a surfboard, riding the wave of water. Sunglasses fly onto his face.]
SpongeBob: Ha ha!
[The water washes on Squidward, who is walking up to the Krusty Krab. He spins around and the stop sign hits him on the head. SpongeBob lowers his shades.]
SpongeBob: [waving] Good morning, Squidward!
Squidward: [grumbles, wipes his face, wrings his tentacles out] And why are you so peppy this morning?
SpongeBob: [smiles] Because today is my [pops his sunglasses off and his hat on] lucky day, thanks to my [shows his tie clip to Squidward] lucky tie clip.
Squidward: Don't you wear that tie clip every day?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh. Every day is my lucky day! [flowers bloom around him, a rainbow appears, the Sun comes up]
Sun: [baby giggling]
Squidward: Pfft, luck isn't real. [points to his own head] It's all in your head.
SpongeBob: [gets on Squidward's back] Squidward, it's unlucky not to believe in luck. [gets down]
Squidward: Hmph. [walks away, Mr. Krabs hits him with the door]
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, Mr. Squidward. Didn't see you there.
Squidward: [grumbling]

===''The Sandman Cometh'' [15.3b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Ooh, you got him, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': You're mine now, jelly! ''[Jellyfish buzzes and flinches; Patrick falls asleep, snoring]''

==Episode 4==

===''Biscuit Ballyhoo'' [15.4a]===
:'''Incidental 85''': Make mine extra mushy.

===''Student Driver Survivor'' [15.4b]===
Mrs. Puff: [waves fins] Settle down, class. I'm elated to announce that today we have a new driving student with us. [gestures inside with her fin] Come in and introduce yourself.
Greenlight: [enters] Thank you so much for this opportunity. Acceleration T. Greenlight's the name, and teaching driving is my game.
Mrs. Puff: What?

==Episode 5==

===''Weiner Takes All'' [15.5a]===
'''Squidward''': ''[After Squidward sees the Weenie Nut Jr. manager commercial]'' A manager? That's for me! ''[takes his hat on the old lady and they dance gleefully before he leaves]'' So long, Krusty Krab!

'''Old lady''': ''[waving]'' So long.
----
:'''SpongeBob''': [[Spider-Man|My squiddy sense is tingling!]]

===''Stuck in an Elevator'' [15.5b]===
Squidward: [reading] &quot;The belly of inspiration lies in the midst of your gut.&quot; [sighs, shuts book] Welp, I better return this wonderful book to the library before it's due.
[Squidward walks outside and sees SpongeBob smiling at him. He yells and trips, dropping the book. When he gets off the ground, the book is smashed into his mouth and opens when he talks.]

==Episode 6==

===''Squidness Protection'' [15.6a]===
Squidward: I told you, I didn't see a thing.
Male cop: Not to worry, Mr. Tentacles. If you do remember anything, we can put you into witness protection. Of course, we'll have to move you to a new town, change your name, and give you a new job.
Squidward: Look, officer, I'm not talking.
Male cop: Unfortunately, you'll never see your friends or neighbors again.

===''Dome Alone'' [15.6b]===
Man: [on the other line] What size do you need?
Sandy: Size? Size? Squirrel medium.
Man: We're out of size medium.
Sandy: Uh-huh.
Man: I'll have to special order it.
Sandy: Uh-huh.
Man: It's gonna take six to eight weeks to get it.

==Episode 7==

===''Wary Gary'' [15.7a]===
SpongeBob: Gary! Let me out, boy! Be a good snail!
[Gary passes a flight attendant and the plane takes off.]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Two weeks later...
[Gary and SpongeBob re-enter the house. Gary is wearing a lei and has a coconut drink on his shell. SpongeBob is wearing a straw hat, lei, Hawaiian shirt, and sandals while folding his arms.]
Gary: [meows]
SpongeBob: Okay, okay, I'll admit it. I feel rejuvenated. Hmph!
[Bubble transition to Gary playing Chess with himself. He see SpongeBob, who is holding an envelope.]
SpongeBob: Look, Gary! This letter came for you! [opens it] It's an invitation to a [shows invitation] big party at Snail Fail's house! He is the most famous snail in town, and you're his VIP! [the &quot;VIP&quot; part peels off] Oh? [nervous laugh, sticks it back on]
Gary: [angry meow]

===''Pinned'' [15.7b]===
SpongeBob: Saved! Oh, Gary, I'm saved!
Gary: [still snoring and meowing]
Blue cop: [as police radio chatter is heard] Uh, what was that address again?
Orange cop: [looks at his notepad as the boat breaks through a stop sign] Oh, it's...
Both: Squidward!

==Episode 8==
===''Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium'' [15.8a]===
:'''Jeffy''': Oh, come on, Squidward. Join in. It's just harmless fun.
:'''SpongeBob''': [now with a joy buzzer] Yeah, ''harmless'' fun. Put her there, Patrick.
:''[Patrick puts his hand out for SpongeBob and gets electrocuted, then puts out his hand again with a joy buzzer. SpongeBob puts out his hand and gets electrocuted; they high-five but both get electrocuted and they laugh]''
:'''Squidward''': No. ''[walks away]''
:'''Jeffy''': ''[puts both of his tentacles out with joy buzzers]'' Here, let me help you two up. ''[SpongeBob and Patrick get electrocuted, then they all laugh]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[closes the bedroom curtains]'' Well, today was a wash. Guess I'll try again tomorrow. I just need to sleep for... ''[winds his alarm clock]'' 23 1/2 hours. ''[tries to go to sleep, but a fart sound comes out from a whoopee cushion below his bed]''

===''A Taste of Plankton'' [15.8b]===
Plankton: Come on, you dolt! Eat me!
SpongeBob: [picks him up] Oh, this pink candy looks so delicious!
Plankton: Yes! Yes!
SpongeBob: [hands it to Gary] That I saved it just for you, Gary! [throws Plankton into Gary's mouth]
Plankton: [screams]
Gary: [teeth spin like a garbage disposal]
[Fade to black. Fade back in to SpongeBob's house, with a trash can outside. SpongeBob, carrying a scooper, takes out a litter bag and puts it on top.]
Plankton: [nervous whimpering, leaves trash can] I have to get inside that mouth breather's mouth. [shrugs] Maybe disguise myself as a door-to-door dentist. [waves hand dismissively] No, that's not a thing.
[SpongeBob steps on Plankton.]
Plankton: Ow!
SpongeBob: Ew! I stepped in some old gum. [glances around, peels Plankton off]
Plankton: [groaning, screams as SpongeBob throws him into his mouth and chews him]
SpongeBob: [blows a bubble, which pops]
Plankton: [groaning]
[SpongeBob chews Plankton, making him scream.]
Plankton: And now I just have to glue myself to his hideous tongue. [stands up, takes out glue bottle and struggles to open it] Come on! [SpongeBob bites the glue, gluing Plankton to his tongue] Oh... Yes! [laughs]
[SpongeBob walks along, with his Krusty Krab hat on. He takes a book out of his pocket.]

==Episode 9==

===''Smartificial Intelligence'' [15.9a]===
SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary! [checks watch] It's time for [shows his watch, which has Perch's hands pointing to 12 and a &quot;BBN&quot; sign] Bikini Bottom News [dings] with Perch Perkins.
[SpongeBob switches the channel from The Sir Urchin and Snail Fail Show to static, then BBTV.]
SpongeBob: [sees Gary upside-down] Oh, good thinking, Gary. [hops on his head] The news can be pretty topsy-turvy.
Gary: Meow.

===''Firehouse Bob'' [15.9b]===
SpongeBob: Gary! [pops out of the bottom window] Gary! [pops out of the top window] Gary! [pops out of the side pipe] Gary!
Gary: [off-screen] Meow.
SpongeBob: [appears three times in all locations] Gary? [exits through the front door] Where are you, Gare Bear?
Gary: [off-screen] Meow. [SpongeBob runs off-screen to see him stuck in a tree] Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary! [runs into the tree and falls over] Gary, how did you get up there, you silly snail? [gestures with his hands] Come on, jump, jumpity, jump, jump, jump.
Gary: [afraid] Meow.
SpongeBob: Huh. [sees a red box on the tree, reading the text] &quot;In case of pet in tree, pull down.&quot; All right. [pulls the lever, causing a fire boat to appear]
Larry: [jumps out of the boat] Did someone call the fire department? [dramatic shot]

==Episode 10==

===''Pablum Plankton'' [15.10a]===
Karen: Awww! Don't be embarrassed! It's just your baby pictures! [happily gushes as she looks at them] You were adorable!
[Plankton knows looking adorable is not a good sign when you are trying to be a ruthless villain.]
Plankton: I was never adorable! These photos have gotta go!
[He pulls out a blow torch and welder's mask, preparing to burn it, but SpongeBob pulls the book back, causing Plankton to lose his footing and fall off the book and onto the table. Karen looks at it, still giggling.]
SpongeBob: You were such a cute baby! Oh, I can't stand it!
[Plankton has had enough.]
Plankton: [snatching the book from Karen and SpongeBob] Yoink!
[Both their faces fall, sad their fun is over.]
SpongeBob: [depressed] Awww...
Karen: [giving Plankton a thumbs down] Boo!
[Plankton rushes back towards his kitchen with the book in hand. He desperately tries to save his dignity.]
Plankton: I'm not cute and adorable! I'm horrifying and evil!
[As Plankton speaks, he tries to look tough in an extreme closeup, but he only ends up looking like his baby self.]
Plankton: Hmph!

===''MuseBob ModelPants'' [15.10b]===
Squidward: [runs away screaming down a hallway of SpongeBob paintings]
SpongeBob paintings: [turn sentient and chase Squidward on their legs, laughing]
Squidward: Huh? [notices an exit guarded by two knight statues] The way out! [gets stopped by the guards raising their axes]
SpongeBob guards: [their heads emerge from the statues] Paint the muse. Paint the muse!
SpongeBob paintings: Yes, Squidward. Paint me! Forever and ever and ever and ever! [all laughing]
Squidward: [takes one of the knights' axes] Oh, I'll paint you. I'll paint you into oblivion! [laughs crazily as he slashes the laughing paintings apart with his ax; smashes several paintings] Here I go, a painting, a painting, a painting! [cut to the outside of his house, where it gets further damaged and cracked as Squidward smashes the paintings] Here I go, a painting, all the ding-dong day!
Peggy: [backs up a truck full of large bags of money] Time to make Squidward rich, and me richer!

==Episode 11==

===''Delivery of Doom'' [15.11a]===
Mr. Krabs: [pokes the glass from the TV out] You're in luck, my slovenly friend! While you sit there, wallowing in your filth, you can let the Krusty Krab make and deliver your meal for you! If your food isn't in your hands in 10 minutes or less, it's f-f-fr...
SpongeBob: Psst, the line is &quot;free.&quot;
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, what he said.
[SpongeBob gives the food to Sandals, who tries to grab it. He eats it.]
Sandals: Thank you, Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: You're welcome!
Mr. Krabs: Where's me money?

===''My Father the Boat'' [15.11b]===
Mr. Krabs: Get away from me money!
Pearl: [stomps into the room] Daddy! Daddy! [Mr. Krabs sips his drink] I finally figured out what you can get me for my birthday next week! I found the perfect boat for you to buy me.
[Mr. Krabs tenses up and chokes his straw.]
Mr. Krabs: Boooat? I never said I'd buy you a birthday boat!
[Pearl holds out a tape recorder.]
Mr. Krabs: [in the recording] Pearl! If ya stop playing that earsplitting music, I'll buy ya a new boat for your birthday! ...You're not recording me are ya? [Pearl stops the tape recorder]
Pearl: [shoves poster of a boat in Mr. Krabs' face] It's the only boat for me and it's only ten thousand clams! [the color drains from Mr. Krabs' face] T-t-t-t-ten [neck snaps] t-t-t-thousand? [his pupils turn to dollar signs]
Pearl: [starts cheering] Gonna get a new boat! I'm not bratty! A birthday boat from my daddy! [Pearl hugs Mr. Krabs and jumps up and down with him]
Mr. Krabs: [whining] Me and my big mouth.
[Bubble transition to a shot of a shiny new boat.]
Mr. Krabs: There it is SpongeBob! Me daughter's birthday boat!
SpongeBob: I love it!
Mr. Krabs: Not the brochure. [SpongeBob pulls the brochure away from the camera, revealing a broken down boat]

==Episode 12==
===''Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers?'' [15.12a]===
Plankton: Oh, no, no. Of course not. [flashes to coffeemaker filled with chum]
[Squidward takes off his hat, revealing himself.]
Plankton: Squidward? What are you doing here? Spyin' for Krabs?
Squidward: Do you really think I'm here to steal your secret chum formula?
Plankton: Good point. Then why are you here?
Squidward: [takes out a typewriter and puts it on the table] I needed a nice, quiet place that's completely devoid of life- [shot of empty Chum Bucket] -to finish writing my stage play.
Plankton: A play, huh? What's it about?
Squidward: It tells a story of a handsome and talented artist, [imagination scene where Squidward is locked in a dungeon] who struggles against his evil employer, an angry, uncouth crab named... Mr. Snippers.
[Squidward snaps his hands like claws.]
Squidward: I have the beginning worked out, but I just can't figure out the ending.
Plankton: What a coincidence! I happen to be writing a play too. [imagination scene where Plankton is a vendor at a chum shop] It's about a big angry crab- [the crab stomps on the shop, destroying it] -who torments the nice, innocent shopkeeper.
[Plankton snaps his hands like claws.]
Plankton: But I only have the ending.
[The dust from both of their scripts causes them to sneeze. The papers fly up into the air, then fall and stack perfectly together to form a complete script.]
Squidward: It's beautiful. This is destiny! We must put on our play, together!
Plankton: Luckily, I've already built a stage.

===''A Fish Called Sandy'' [15.12b]===
:''[The episode starts with a pan to Bikini Bottom.]''
:'''French Narrator''': Ah, the ocean. So bustling with aquatic life. So wet. ''[Sandy approaches from the distance]'' Ooh! Here comes one of the most elusive of sea creatures now: the squirrel.
:''[SpongeBob is blowing with the gum wrapper from &quot;The Paper&quot;]''
:'''Sandy''': Howdy, SpongeBob. Uh, could you give me some feedback on this scientific paper I'm writing?
:'''SpongeBob''': I loved to, Sandy.
:'''Sandy''': The ocean is permitted with a multitude of aquatic life. From the amaties, hespect terrorist, to the astrodua and the perifera, though the differences are ostensible, there is a plethora of similarities. SpongeBob? Are you alright?
:'''SpongeBob''': [shivering] Your science paper... so cold. So d-d-didactic.
:'''Sandy''': Gosh, you reckon it's too heavy on the technical side?

==Episode 13==

===''Making Waves'' [15.13a]===
Plankton: That secret formula safe is pretty durable. Maybe dynamite was the wrong choice. [falls to the ground and walks away groaning]
[SpongeBob sprays Squidward with a fire extinguisher.]
Mr. Krabs: [sighs] Crew, I need to get away from Plankton for a while. I could really use a vacation. A nice, sea cruise.
SpongeBob: Ooh! [drops the fire extinguisher on Squidward and runs to get a sailor hat] A cruise! The shuffleboard! The buff- [burps] -et! The sea sickness... Ooh! We can-
Mr. Krabs: [pinches SpongeBob's mouth shut] Not we, me. [puts the Krusty Krew hat back on SpongeBob] Alone. Cabin for one. Mr. Squidward, rebuild the restaurant! [tosses a hammer to Squidward which lands on his head]
SpongeBob: What should I do?
Mr. Krabs: Wish me bon voyag-ie.

===''Captain Quasar: The Next Iteration'' [15.13b]===
Bubble Bass: It can be both.
Squidina: Nope. It confuses the premise.
SpongeBob: I'm with Squidina. [holds up a comic of the old Captain Quasar] Original Quasar, yay! [holds up a comic of the new Captain Quasar] Reboot, Quasar, nay. [tosses the comic aside]
Patrick: [holds out a cardboard cutout of the new Pat-Tron] I like the new one! The robot is so handsome.
Squidina: Fine. You guys can have your club. We're gonna start our own, [brings SpongeBob close] to celebrate the original series! Come on, SpongeBob. [carries him out of the room like a briefcase, then exit the store]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|SpongeBob SquarePants season 15}}
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Arthur (Season 1)</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:30:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>3331978</id>
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      <comment>/* Arthur's Almost Boring Day [1.20a] */</comment>
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'''Seasons''': [[Arthur (Season 1)|1]] / [[Arthur (Season 2)|2]] / [[Arthur (Season 3)|3]] / [[Arthur (Season 4)|4]] / [[Arthur (Season 5)|5]] / [[Arthur (Season 6)|6]] / [[Arthur (Season 7)|7]] / [[Arthur (Season 8)|8]] / [[Arthur (Season 9)|9]] / [[Arthur (Season 10)|10]] / [[Arthur (Season 11)|11]] / [[Arthur (Season 12)|12]] / [[Arthur (Season 13)|13]] / [[Arthur (Season 14)|14]] / [[Arthur (Season 15)|15]] / [[Arthur (Season 16)|16]] / [[Arthur (Season 17)|17]] / [[Arthur (Season 18)|18]] / [[Arthur (Season 19)|19]] / [[Arthur (Season 20)|20]] / [[Arthur (Season 21)|21]] / [[Arthur (Season 22)|22]] / [[Arthur (Season 23)|23]] / [[Arthur (Season 24)|24]] / [[Arthur (Season 25)|25]] / [[Arthur (Specials)|Specials]] / [[Arthur (Commercials)|Commercials]] | [[Arthur (TV series)|Main]]

===''Arthur's Eyes'' [1.1a]===
(zooms into Arthur's house, it is the middle of the night, A door opens, and a light shines on him)
:'''Arthur Read''': (gasp) Huh?
:'''Dora Winifred Read''' (whispering): Come with me.
:'''Arthur''': Why not?
:'''D.W.''': Shush. (whispering): This was about our lost brother.
:'''Arthur''': (whispering): We didn't have a brother.
:'''D.W.''': (whispering): They're keeping him a secret. But I've seen him.
:'''Arthur''' (to the audience): Oh. Good.
:''Arthur and D.W. come downstairs. D.W.'s light pans over to a red book on a small table
:'''D.W.''': (whispering): Wait, don't turn on- (Arthur turns light on) (quietly): -the light...
:''Arthur turns off light and walks slowly over towards D.W.; D.W. opens the photo album. The look at pictures of a younger Arthur.''
:'''D.W.''': See that? I wonder where he is. But Mom and Dad had just sold him or something like that.
:'''Arthur''': ''[gets heated with D.W.]'' Uh, D.W., that was me.
:'''D.W.''': It was not.
:'''Arthur''': It was too.
:'''D.W.:''' But you wear glasses.
:'''Arthur''': Well, that was before I wore glasses.
:'''D.W.''': Well, you were born with glasses.
:'''Arthur''': You're only two years old then, so you just probably didn't remember.
:''[Title card: Arthur's Eyes]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''The rest of the episode takes place about year earlier. Arthur has no glasses and his friends are in Mr. Marco's class''
:'''Mr. Marco''': This quiz is to be completed in class. No talking! ''[writes math problems on the blackboard.]''
:'''Arthur''': This is a seven, right?
:'''Francine Frensky''': Nope, this is a two.
:'''Arthur''': This is the one?
:'''Francine''': Nope, this is a seven.
:'''Arthur''': This is a seven.
:'''Francine''': No, Arthur, this is a nine, will you please stop bothering me?
:'''Mr. Marco''': ''(clears throat)'' Ahem! Mmm! ''(handing out test results)'' These are your test results. Anybody with four or more mistakes should see me after class for extra homework.
:'''Francine''': ''[has all questions right, but Arthur has them all wrong]'' I guess math's not your best subject.
:'''Arthur''': I've got a headache!
:'''Buster Baxter''': Yeah, sometimes Francine gives me a headache too.
:'''Francine''': (Offended, putting her head up with her eyes closed) Hmph.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Scene switches to the gymnasium with Arthur and his friends are playing basketball. The ball goes right to Arthur, but he misses it so a yellow, medium-skinned monkey gets the ball and passes to Francine''
:'''Arthur''': Hmm?
:'''Francine's Team''': Shoot! ''(shoots and scores)''
:'''Buster''': ''[has the ball on a breakaway and passes to Arthur]'' Arthur!
:'''Arthur''': Got it! No I didn't. ''(misses again, a peach cat gets the ball, passes to Francine)''
:'''Binky''' (in background): Go, go, go, go! ''(Francine shoots it backwards with one hand and makes it. A rat blows whistle. Arthur has a free shot, but he is double-sighted)''
:'''Buster''': Come on Arthur, you can do this! (Arthur shoots and it goes over the net and into the lockers) Oh, Arthur.
:'''Francine''': I guess basketball is just not the best sport.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''A nurse is doing an eye test at school. The kids come in one after the other, cover one eye and read the test chart with the other.''
:'''Prunella Deegan''': E, G, B, D.
:'''Binky Barnes''': E, G, B, D.
:'''Sue Ellen Armstrong''': E, G, B, D.
:'''Arthur''': (clears throat) M, P, 7, R, P, R. Oh, this is not a seven! Eight? Huh?
:'''Francine: (Sing-song voice) Arthur's in trouble!
:'''Muffy Crosswire''': How do you get in trouble with the nurse?
:''(Everybody laughs)''
:'''Buster''': What happened here?
:'''Arthur''': I think I have to go to the eye doctor.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur has his eyes examined with a phoropter while his parents wait.''
:'''Dr. Iris''': What can you see?
:'''Arthur''': It was just blurry, Dr. Iris.
:'''Dr. Iris''': ''(puts in another lens.)'' Now what did you see?
:'''Arthur''': A giant worm!
:'''Dave''': What?
:'''Jane Read''': Where?
:''(A smiling caterpillar is on the lens, Dr. Iris takes the lens.)''
:'''Dr. Iris''': Oh. ''(puts the small caterpillar on a potted plant and puts the lens back in the phoropter.)'' Is this better now?
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, I could read it all!
:'''Dr. Iris''': You just need glasses, Arthur. And this is why you've been getting these headaches.
:''Arthur looks at a shelf with various glasses.''
:'''Dr. Iris''': All you have to do is choose the frames you like.
:'''Arthur''': ''[puts on aviator glasses]'' Cool! ''[briefly imagines himself standing in front of a jetfighter, tries on rectangular glasses]'' Hmm... Woo-hoo. ''(He tilts his head and his pupils roll along the rim of the glasses.)''
:'''Jane''': These were nice.
:'''Arthur''': Maybe I can try something else. ''[puts on futuristic glasses. He imagines he is standing on Mars. Behind him an alien wearing the same kind of glasses looks out of a UFO. They wave at each other, takes off the glasses and spots some round brown glasses.]'' Hey!
:'''Dr. Iris''': ''[reaches down for the glasses and puts them on Arthur]'' There.
:'''Jane''': These look wonderful, Arthur.
:'''David''': Very distinguished.
:'''Arthur''': Really?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(Arthur and his parents drive home from the eye doctor.)''
:'''Arthur (with better vision)''': Look at this airplane way up there! Look at all the leaves on the trees! Hey, Mom, you have gray hairs on your head! Dad, have you always had those bags under your eyes?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''The next day at school, Arthur is walking in the halls''
:'''Francine''': Whoa! You look weird!
:'''Binky''': You look different! You get a new haircut?
:'''Arthur''': ''[enraged and yells at Binky]'' No!!
:''School bell rings. Arthur walks into the classroom.''
:'''Francine''': Hey, Buster, look there! (''Pointing at Arthur'') Arthur's a four eyes! (''Sing-song voice'') Arthur's a four eyes! Arthur's a four eyes! Arthur's a four eyes!
:''[Everybody laughs except Buster and Arthur]''
:'''Buster''': ''[chides Francine]'' Some people need glasses to see, Francine. Big whoop!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(In the school cafeteria Buster holds two drinking glasses in front of his eyes.)''
:'''Buster''': Hey, look you guys, I'm Arthur!
:''(Everybody laughs)''
:'''Arthur''': Hmm?
:'''Buster''': (ears droop) Oh.
:''Arthur gets annoyed and walks out of the cafeteria and past Binky''
:'''Binky''': I know that, this is a new shirt!
:'''Arthur''': Afraid not!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur is walking home covering his face with a coat and arrives at his house, his father is raking leaves with D.W. sitting in them.''
:'''D.W.''': ''(starts crying)''
:'''David Read''': Hmm? Arthur?
:'''Arthur''': Do not talk to me! ''[slams the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[looks at a mirror in his room, takes off his glasses and his reflection becomes blurred.]'' Well, it was better than being called four eyes. If I lose them, no one can make me wear them. ''[aputs glasses into their case]'' I won't even know where they land. ''[puts glasses into a slingshot, and shoots]'' Good riddance.
:''The case with the glasses hits an electric wire, bounces off and land in Arthur's bed room next to Stanley, his teddy bear''
:'''Arthur''': ''[goes up to his room, only to find the glasses on his bed, gasps; groans in frustration]'' Uggghhh! ''[furiously takes the glasses and angrily throws them out the window, they land in Mr. Read's pile of leaves.]''
:'''David''': Hmm?
:'''Arthur''': ''[comes into the kitchen looking pleased. The he sees the case with the glasses on the table, gasps]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[has put his glasses on D.W.’s toy hammering bench and guides her hand with the hammer]'' That's it, D.W..
:'''D.W.''': (giggling, hits with the hammer, but misses the glasses)
:'''Jane''': What are you doing with your glasses?
:'''Arthur''': D.W. took them, Mom. I was just getting them back.
:'''Jane''': Well, be careful with these. You didn't need them to get broken.
:'''Arthur''': No, Mom.
:''(D.W. hits Arthur's fingers with the hammer)''
:'''Arthur''': Ow!! (chuckles nervously)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[walks to school the next day with his glasses on, goes behind a tree and comes out with no glasses, chuckles, arrives at school. He and Buster pass Mr. Marco]''
:'''Mr. Marco''': Arthur, where are your glasses?
:'''Arthur''': I lost them. At home I think. It's very harder than ever to see without my glasses.
:'''Buster''': Why didn't you just wear them?
:'''Arthur''': I didn't need them. I know this school at the back of my own hand. Boy's room is the third door from this corner, right?
:'''Buster''': Yeah, right.
:'''Arthur''': See, why didn't I need them?
:'''Buster''': See you in class! ''[walks on]''
:''Arthur passes Mr. Marco who comes out of a door with Mr. Haney''
:'''Mr. Haney''': This is why I lock the exams, and...
:'''Mr. Marco''': Oh, well, the examination was better than I thought it would be. Still, in all, I think that we’re going to have to go over...
:'''Arthur''': ''[counts the doors but misses the one the teachers came out of]'' First door. Second. Third. ''[walks into girl's room by mistake and sees Francine and Muffy talking to each other]''
:'''Francine''': I said, if I'm not batting cleanup, I'm not playing.
:'''Arthur''': Francine?!
:'''Francine and Muffy''': Aah!
:'''Arthur, Muffy, and Francine''': What are you doing in here?!
:'''Francine''': This is the girls' room! Get outta here!
:'''Arthur''': Huh?
:''The door hits Arthur in the back as Sue Ellen, Jenna and Maria come in. The door is seen from the outside.''
:'''Girls''': Augh! It's a boy! Get him out!
:''(Everybody hears the screaming and wonders what it is.)''
:'''Arthur''': Get me out of there!!
:''(The girls run out. Arthur slowly follows and finds everybody staring at him in disapproval.)''
:'''Arthur''': Augh! (he drops his lunch box) Uh-oh....

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[turns on the TV at home]'' I'm just gonna have to get used to being a four-eyed weirdo...
:''( Bionic Bunny music plays)''
:'''Bionic Bunny (on TV)''': I'm Wilbur Rabbit. And this is the story of how we make the Bionic Bunny show! (He is holding up a car in the studio. He lets go and the car stays in place.) Em, what's my next line? (filmmaker puts glasses on his eyes similar to Arthur's so he can read the script)
:'''Arthur''': Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses just like mine? Okay then.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Francine''': ''[meets Arthur in the hallway]'' Old four eyes wass back.
:'''Arthur''': Hi, Francine.
:'''Francine''': Huh?
:'''Binky''': I know that. You're wearing glasses.
:'''Arthur''': Yes, I am.
:'''Binky''': Four-eyes. (laughs)
:'''Arthur''': Binky? Do you know that Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses?
:'''Binky''': Yes, I saw that on TV last night.
:'''Francine: I didn't see it.
:'''Binky''': Yeah, wasn't this great how they make him fly?
:''In the classroom Mr. Marco is writing math problems on the blackboard''
:'''Francine''': Do not ask me to read this problems to you! I have to concentrate.
:'''Arthur''': All right.
:''The kids are playing basketball in the gymnasium.''
:'''Francine''': Watch out everyone, Arthur has got the ball!
:''(Arthur shoots and makes it, everyone cheers)''
:''In the classroom Mr. Marco hands back quizzes.''
:'''Mr. Marco''': Very good Arthur. All correct.
:'''Francine''': Arthur. How would you like to play on my basketball team today? ''[shows Arthur her fake plastic glasses]'' Don't you like them?
:'''Arthur''': There was no glass.
:'''Francine''': They're my movie star glasses. Do they make me look beautiful? Wilbur Rabbit wears glasses, you know.
:'''Arthur''': And his are just like mine!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': And since then, I always wore glasses. Does that solve your mystery?
:'''D.W.''': Yes, I guess... but it wasn't as good as having a lost brother. ''[sees a picture of a much younger Jane and David dancing to disco.]'' And, look. Who's this weird guy with Mom?
:'''Arthur''': This is Dad.
:'''D.W.''': But Dad doesn't have a beard, Arthur. But maybe Mom's divorced. I gotta wake her up now, and demand an explanation!
:'''Arthur''': D.W.! Wait, D.W.! D.W.! ''[runs after her.]''

===''Francine's Bad Hair Day'' [1.1b]===
:'''Muffy''': ?

===''Version 2 - Arthur and the Real Mr. Ratburn'' (a.k.a. ''Version 1 - Arthur's Teacher Trouble'') [1.2a]===
:'''All''': ''(Not Again?)''
:'''Arthur''': ''Maybe, you read the list is wrong, Francine. Let me look.'' You're right. It's Ratburn!
:''[On the baseball field and soccer field]

===''Arthur's Spelling Trouble'' [1.2b]===
:'''Prunella''': ?

===''D.W. All Wet'' [1.3a]===
:'''Arthur''': OCTOPUS!!!
:'''D.W.''': Octopus! Octopus! Octopus!!!
:'''Mrs. Read''': What the...?!
:'''Mr. Read''': And?!
:'''Arthur''': And I'm really sorry. It was just a joke!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Not a very funny 1. Now, go to your room.
:'''D.W.''': And don't come out until I say so!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Feel better?
:'''D.W.''': I hope an octopus eats him!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': I'm not going!
:'''Everyone''': What? Why?
:'''D.W.''': I don't want to go in the water!
:'''Arthur''': You're not still scared of octopuses, are you? We're going to the lake, D.W. Octopuses live in oceans, not lakes.
:'''D.W.''': I'm not going, and that's that!

===''Buster's Dino Dilemma'' [1.3b]===

===''D.W.'s Imaginary Friend'' [1.4a]===
:'''Francine''': Pretend friend. What babies! Arthur's a baby!

===''Arthur's Lost Library Book'' [1.4b]===

===''Arthur's Pet Business'' [1.05a]===
:'''Jane''': Arthur...
:'''Arthur''': Huh?!
:'''Jane''': Time to get ready for bed.

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''David''': Arthur...
:'''Arthur''': Don't worry, Dad. I'll work out all their schedules... somehow.
:'''D.W.''': ''[screams as frogs hop around the bathtub]'' '''HELP!!!'''
:'''David''': D.W.?!
:'''Arthur''': Uh-oh. Oh, no! The ant farm! No, Kate, don't! ''[Kate cries]'' Oh, no! Hey, wait! Hey! Where you going?! ''[steps on the cat's tail and the cat meows]''
:'''Jane''': Huh?
:'''Arthur''': Come here!
:'''Jane''': Arthur!
:'''D.W.''': Arthur...
:'''David''': Arthur...

===''D.W. the Copycat'' [1.5b]===
:'''Arthur''': N-O! ''No!!!'' There are no babies in baseball!

&lt;hr width=60%&gt;
:'''Jane''': Excuse me, I'm on the phone.

===''Locked in the Library'' [1.6a]===
:'''Francine''': ARTHUR READ! Didn't you tell everyone I looked like a marshmallow?!
:'''Arthur''': Um...
:'''Buster''': ''[to Arthur]'' Yeah, didn't you remember? When she was wearing that goofy sweater. ''[to Francine]'' So, what do you need to do about?
:'''Francine''': You better apologize or...
:'''Buster''': ''[to Francine]'' Or what?
:'''Francine''': ''[points at Arthur]'' Or you're gonna get it!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Ms. Turner''': 5:00.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[after Arthur and Francine get locked in the library, they bump into each others' backs.]''
:'''Arthur and Francine''': ''[both screams]'' ''[to each other]'' YOU!!
:'''Francine''': Arthur, why didn't you tell me what time it is? You got us locked in.
:'''Arthur''': ''[pointing to himself]'' Me? ''[pointing to Francine]'' Why didn't you say what time it is?
:'''Francine''': ''[pointing to Arthur]'' I'm not your mother, Arthur Read! I mean, how dumb does a person have to be to get locked in a library? ''[holds up her arms in a &quot;V&quot; shape position with her hands open and pauses for a few seconds; angrier]'' Anyways, ''[puts her arms down]'' I have no time for childish bickering. I've gotta get out of here. ''[walks off]''
:'''Arthur''': Fine. ''[walks after Francine]''
:'''Francine''': Fine. And by the way, I'm still not talking to you, and I'm not listening, either. ''[covers her ears with her hands and bends her elbows and walks forward until she bumps her elbow onto a bookshelf]'' Ow! ''[Arthur and Francine gets stacks of books off of the bookshelves and create passageways to escape from the library. Arthur builds a tower full of books while Francine builds a staircase of books.]'' Oh. ''[walks to the tower of books and grabs a book from the tower right before Arthur is about to unlock the window]''
:'''Arthur''': HEY! ''[the tower collapses and becomes a mess full of books, causing Arthur to fall]'' ''[sarcastically]'' Thanks, I was almost here.
:'''Francine''': ''[completes the staircase of books with the book she last grabbed, walks up the staircase, and unlocks the window, but a fly comes by, and takes 3 attempts to shoo the fly away, but screams and starts falling off the stairs of books]'' Ow!
:''[Arthur starts running up the staircase of books, and Francine goes after him also. Arthur starts pulling on the window handles, but nothing works out. Francine then helps him out, puts her foot against the window, then the handles break off, and she and Arthur fall and the staircase of books collapses]''
:'''Arthur''': I just remembered something...
:'''Francine''': About what?
:'''Arthur''': Today is Saturday, which means the library is closed until...
:''[Francine gasps in horror]''
:'''Arthur and Francine''': Monday! ''[their voices start echoing around the library]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[after Muffy has hung up on Francine]''
:'''Arthur''': What did you do?! How can you let her hang up?!
:'''Francine''': Keep your shirt on. I'm calling my mom. ''[Francine dials the number of her apartment]''
:'''Telephone's recording message''': To dial out, you must enter the correct user code. Please hang up and try again. To dial out... ''[Francine gives an annoyed look to the camera]''
:'''Arthur''': All right. We're doomed.
:'''Francine''': You're such a wimp.
:'''Arthur''': And you're a bossy know-it-all, ''[low tone]'' marshmallow.
:'''Francine''': ''[angrier]'' This does it, Arthur Read! If I have to spend the weekend here, I'm not spending it with you!
:'''Arthur''': Fine with me! See if I care!

===''Arthur Accused!'' [1.6b]===
:'''Ms. Tingley''': This doesn't look good, Mr. Haney...
:'''Mr. Haney''': It certainly doesn't, Ms. Tingley.
:'''Arthur''': You mean, you think I STOLE THE QUARTERS?!
:'''Mr. Haney''': YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM, ARTHUR!
:'''Ms. Tingley''': You certainly were!
:'''Mr. Haney''': If that money doesn't turn up, I'm afraid that you'll have to serve a day...
:'''Ms. Tingley''': Week!
:'''Mr. Haney''': ...a week of after school detention starting today!
:'''Ms. Tingley''': And no picnic for you tomorrow!

===''Arthur Goes to Camp'' [1.7a]===
Random

===''Buster Makes the Grade'' [1.7b]===
:''[Buster walks into Mr. Haney's office]''
:'''Mr. Haney''': Come in.
:'''Buster''': Mom, Grandma, what are you guys doing here?
:''[Buster's mother Bitzi and his grandmother are in Mr. Haney's office about Buster's poor grades]''
:'''Bitzi''': It's nothing to worry about, dear. ''[sobs]''
:''[Buster's grandmother comforts her]''
:'''Mr. Haney''': ''[takes out a lollipop and tissue]'' Really, Mrs. Baxter. It's not as bad as always is serious, very serious, but nothing a little elbow grease - A ''lot'' of elbow grease - Can't fix. Hopefully. Sit down, Buster.
:''[Mr. Ratburn sets a chair in the middle of the office for Buster]''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Binky''': &quot;In 1776, Thomas Jefferson, who would later become the third President of the United States, wrote the Declaration of Independence.&quot; ''[Buster snores. Binky takes off the glasses, which have eyes painted on them. Buster is asleep.]'' '''Buster!'''

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Bitzi''': Buster, wake up! Your English tutor is here.
:''[Buster wakes up and finds Arthur at the door]''
:'''Buster''': Oh. ''[chuckles]'' It's just you, Arthur.
:'''Bitzi''': Well, I'll leave you two to your work.
:''[she leaves the room]''
:'''Buster''': Hey, Arthur, good plan. You fooled her completely. If we hurry, we can get to the park before the game starts.
:'''Arthur''': We're not going to the park today, Buster.
:'''Buster''': What?
:'''Arthur''': Get your books. We're gonna study!
:'''Buster''': STUDY?

===''Arthur's New Puppy'' [1.8a]===
:'''Jane''': Arthur, my rug.
:'''Arthur''': ''[Pal ripped rug]'' Uh-oh. Pal? Pal?

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Arthur''': Pal, sit. ''[pauses; Pal gets up]'' No, sit. ''[D.W. chuckles]'' Sit. Stay.

===''Arthur Bounces Back'' [1.8b]===
Random

===''Arthur Babysits'' [1.9a]===
:'''Arthur''': ''[gasps]'' Stop it right now!!!

===''Arthur's Cousin Catastrophe'' [1.9b]===

===''Arthur's Birthday'' [1.10a]===
: ''Arthur and Francine ride their bikes to Muffy's House. When they get there, they see duck workers rolling out new lawn. A man with a hedge trimmer walks past them.''
:'''Francine and Arthur''': (gasp)
:'''Francine''': You think you can do it, Arthur?
:'''Arthur''': I've got to, Francine! ''[surreptitiously walks over to the mailbox and puts in an envelope]''
:'''Muffy''': Are you sure this is going to be done in time?
:'''Mrs. Crosswire''': Muffy, why don't you go check the mail?
:'''Muffy''': Okay. Maybe there's something for me!
:'''Francine''': Muffy's coming!
:''Muffy comes running''
:'''Arthur''': ''[hides behind a tree]'' Oh no! If Muffy catches me, my entire birthday will be ruined!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[writes invitations on the table]''
:'''D.W.''': What are you playing?
:'''Arthur''': I'm not playing. I'm writing invitations to my birthday party.
:'''D.W.''': ''[walks to Arthur]'' How do you spell &quot;party&quot;?
:'''Arthur''': P-A-R-T-Y. Why?
:'''D.W.''': I'm making invitations to my birthday party.
:'''Arthur''': Your birthday is not for six months!
:'''D.W.''': Yeah, but I'm gonna invite everyone. And I write slow.
:'''Arthur''': ''[picks up the invitations]''
:'''Mrs. Read''': ''[takes the laundry out of the washing machine, but tugs on a towel]'' Give me that, you little scamp!
:'''Arthur''': ''[comes with his invitations]'' Mom, my invitations are all written!
:'''D.W.''': Look at that dog! He's eating a towel! Arthur, your dog can't tell towels from food!
:'''Arthur''': ''[put the invitations on the washing machine, picks up Pal and takes him to a calendar on the wall]'' Come on, boy! I can't wait! How many days left? One, two, three... four more days until my birthday.
:'''D.W.''': I think it would be easier to teach him to use a calculator than to count.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Arthur? Are you ready to go buy party supplies?
:'''Arthur''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur and D.W. enter a party supply store with their mom and explore the store''
:'''Arthur''': Whoa!
:'''D.W.''': Double whoa! ''[notices some square balloons]'' Huh? How do you get square balloons?
:'''Store Employee''': Blow square breaths!
:'''D.W.''': Oh...
:''Arthur and Mrs. Read blow noisemakers at each other''
:''Arthur looks at balloons, one of which is the shape of Mr. Haney’s head. Arthur scratches his head''
:'''D.W.''': ''[comes with a unicorn plate]'' Get these pretty plates, Arthur!
:'''Arthur''': No way D.W.! I'm getting these! ''[shows her a Bionic Bunny plate]''
:'''D.W.''': Blech!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''The Read parents, Kate and D.W. sit at the dining table. D.W. has a unicorn plate.''
:'''Kate''': ''[eats messily, coos, laughs]''
:'''Grandma Thora''': What kind of birthday cake should I bake?
:'''Arthur''': Chocolate!
:'''Kate''': (coos)
:'''D.W.''': See, Arthur? Even Kate agrees with me about the plates.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Have a good day at school, honey!
:'''D.W.''': And don't forget to hand out your invitations! ''[hands them to Arthur]''
:'''Arthur''': I hope everybody can come to my party!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[catches up with Buster outside Lakewood Elementary]'' Buster, can you come to my party?
:'''Buster''': Are you kidding?! Of course!
:'''Arthur''': ''[give Binky and invitation at his locker]'' Binky Barnes.
:'''Binky''': Me?!
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, and Francine. ''[gives an invitation to Francine as she passes]''
:'''Francine''': Oh boy! We can play spin the bottle!
:''Arthur and Buster look embarrassed''
:'''Binky''': ''[whispers]'' It's not too late to uninvite her.
:'''Arthur''': No, I'll just do the recycling that morning so that there'll be no bottles in the house. ''[meets Muffy who is also holding invitations]'' Will you come to my party?
:'''Muffy''': Sure! When is it?
:'''Arthur''': Saturday afternoon! I can't wait!
:'''Prunella, Sue Ellen and Fern''': ''[gasp]''
:'''Muffy''': This Saturday afternoon?! But that's when I'm having my party! ''[hands out invitations to Arthur’s friends]'' I would've handed out my invitations two days ago, but they came back late from the printer.
:'''Arthur''': ''[hands out invitations to the girls]'' Can't you change your party to another day?
:'''Muffy''': Are you kidding?! The rock band and Pickles the clown have been booked for months!
:'''Buster''': You got Pickles?! He did my cousin's wedding! He's a genius!
:'''Students''': Ooooh, Pickles!
:'''Arthur''': But I can't change my party either! All my relatives are coming from Ohio!
:'''Students''': Ooooh, Ohio!
:'''Muffy''': Well then, everybody will just have to choose which party to attend.
:''Everyone looks at their invitations''.
:'''Binky''': What are you thinking about?
:'''Francine''': About whose party to go to. Why? What are you thinking about?
:'''Binky''': Where's Ohio?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur, Buster, Binky and Brain are playing with a basketball during recess''
:'''Buster''': As boys, we have to stick together! ''[passes the ball to Binky]''
:'''Binky''': The rabbit's right as rain!
:'''Brain''': I agree! We all go to Arthur's party! ''[he, Buster and Binky join hands]''
:'''Arthur''': What about the girls?
:'''Buster''': Ah, who needs girls?
:''Muffy, Francine, Prunella, Sue Ellen and Fern are nearby at the jungle gym''
:'''Muffy''': Who needs boys? Anyone who doesn't come to my party can't be my friend anymore!
:'''Francine''': But a party won't be fun without the boys!
:'''Muffy''': Are you my friend or not!
:''A teacher calls the kids with a whistle. There’s a rope lying on the ground''
:'''Coach Grimslid''': Come here kids! Let's choose sides for a tug of war! Muffy, you be one captain! Buster, you be the other! Muffy, choose your first player!
:'''Muffy''': This team looks good to me!
:'''Buster''': That's fine!
:'''Coach Grimslid''': Okay then, the team that pulls the other team over this line wins! ''[blows her whistle]''
:'''Kids''': ''[starts pulling and strains]''
:'''Muffy''': Who needs boys?! Pull! Who needs boys?! Pull!
:'''Buster''': Who needs girls?! Pull! Who needs girls?! Pull!
:'''Binky''': Come on guys, pull! ''[ties the rope to his waist and leans back. Prunella ties the other end to the jungle gym. Suddenly the rope breaks and all kids fall down]''
:'''Arthur''': I guess nobody wins.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Boys and girls sit at separate tables in the Powers’ ice-cream shop.''
:'''Kids''': (chatter)
:'''Francine and Arthur both walk to the counter.'''
:'''Arthur''': Everybody's really starting to hate each other.
:'''Francine''': This is just terrible Arthur!
:'''Buster, Muffy, Sue Ellen and Fern''': ''[angrily blows raspberry]''
:'''Arthur''': I wish you could come to my party.
:'''Francine''': I promised Muffy. How can I go to both? What's a party without boys?!
:'''Arthur''': Wait a minute! I have an idea! ''[whispers in her ear]''
:'''Francine''': That's a great idea, Arthur!!
:'''Arthur''': ''[covers Francine's mouth]'' Shhh! But we have to keep it secret!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur and Francine sit in the treehouse.''
:'''Francine''': Let me write them. It has to look like Muffy's handwriting.
:'''Arthur''': Okay, but be sure that there's one for all the girls. I'll write the note to Muffy myself. ''[begins writing]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur shows a revised invitation to his parents in his dad’s workshop''
:'''Mr. Read''': That's a very good plan! I wish I'd thought of it!
:'''Arthur''': Francine and I will deliver them first thing in the morning!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''Arthur and Francine ride through town on their bikes and put invitations in several mailboxes''.
:'''Francine''': Okay, it's in!
:'''Arthur''': ''[checks a clipboard]'' All that's left is....
:'''Arthur and Francine''': Muffy!
:''The opening scene at the Crosswires’ gate is shown again''
:'''Francine''': You think you can do it, Arthur?
:'''Arthur''': I've got to, Francine! ''[walks to the mailbox]''
:'''Francine''': (gasps) Duck!
:''Arthur ducks and an anthropomorphic duck worker walks by''.
:'''Duck Worker''': (quacks)
:''Arthur hides until the worker has gone back through the gate. Then he runs to the mailbox and is about to put his note in when he hears Muffy''.
:'''Muffy''': Are you sure this is going to be done in time for my big party?
:'''Mrs. Crosswire''': Muffy, why don't you go check the mail?
:'''Muffy''': Okay. Maybe I got more presents!
:''Arthur quickly puts in the note''.
:'''Francine''': Muffy's coming!
:''Muffy runs towards the mailbox and Arthur hides behind a tree. Francine covers her eyes.''
:'''Muffy''': ''[gets the invitation and runs back through the gate]'' Mommy! I got a note from Arthur!
:''Arthur is not to be seen. Francine scratches her head. Arthur peeps out of some rolls of lawn.''
:'''Francine''': ''(giggles)''
:'''Arthur''': ''[comes out covered in mud]'' Let's go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Arthur''': ''[runs into the kitchen looking relieved]'' Mission accomplished!
:'''Mr. Read''': ''[holds a plate of pancakes]'' Just in time for your favorite!
:'''Aunt Bonnie''': With maple syrup all the way from Ohio!
:'''Cousin George''': ''[brings a present]'' Happy birthday, Arthur! Guess what it is?
:'''Arthur''': Uhhhh....
:'''Cousin George''': It's a chemistry set!
:'''Arthur''': Oh, thanks.
:''Mrs. Read, Grandma Thora and George hang up decorations in the hallway''
:'''Mrs. Read''': Time for birthday kisses! ''[kisses Arthur on the head]''
:'''Grandma Thora''': And eight birthday hugs! ''[hugs Arthur]''
:'''D.W.''': And a pinch to grow an inch! (laughs and annoyingly chases Arthur)
:'''Arthur''': Mooomm!
:''The doorbell rings. Mr. Read opens to Buster and Brain''.
:'''Buster''': Happy Birthday!
:''Prunella walks up to the house''.
:'''Brain''': Hey, what's she doing here?
:'''Buster''': And here comes Francine too.
:'''Francine''': (comes running and giggles)
:''Binky, Fern and Sue Ellen come in''.
:'''Sue Ellen''': Am I at the right place?
:'''Arthur: Yeah, come in!
:'''Francine''': It's a surprise for Muffy!
:'''Brain''': It's a surprise for all of us!
:''The kids follow Arthur and Mr. Read closes the door''.
:''The living room grandfather clock strikes noon''
:'''Arthur''': Everyone find a place to hide! Muffy will be here any minute!
:'''Buster''': What did you say in your note to Muffy?
:'''Arthur''': I said, &quot;I have a special present for you. It's so big that I can't carry it by myself. Please come to my house today at noon to get it!&quot;
:''The doorbell rings''.

:'''Arthur opens the door to Muffy.
:'''Muffy''': I'm here for my present!
:''The kids leap out of hiding''.
:'''Kids''': Surprise!
:'''Arthur''': I told you your present was too big to carry.
:'''Francine''': What's a birthday party without all of your friends?
:''The kids put on party hats. They play limbo. Binky falls on his back while Kate easily crawls under the stick. Mr. Read lifts her up in victory. Buster tries to smash a clown-shaped piñata. So does Francine, but the piñata merely swings''
:'''Mr. Read''': Maybe I better help you out. ''[hits the piñata to no avail]''
:'''Kids''': (chuckle)
:''Mr. Read hits the piñata with a hammer. The kids continue to party''.
:''The kids gather around a birthday cake''.
:'''Muffy''': This is great! We should do this every year! Thank you everybody!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Next year we'll do it at your house.
:'''Francine''': Time to open your presents! I picked this out especially for you! ''[gives the present to Arthur]''. You have to promise me you'll use it right away!
:'''Arthur: Sure, I can't wait! ''[unpacks a box in a bottle]''
:'''Francine''': It's a spin the bottle game.
:'''Boys''': (gasp)
:'''Francine''': Let me show you how it works. ''[spins the bottle. It points to Pal and he licks her face]''.
:'''Kids''': (laugh)
:''Francine looks annoyed but then pets Pal''.
:''Outside, Mr. Read tries to open the piñata with a chainsaw''.

===''Francine Frensky, Superstar'' [1.10b]===
:''[At the Frensky's apartment, Francine starts flickering with the lights, but Catherine gets irritated by this]''
:'''Catherine''': Francine! I'm trying to read Shakespeare.
:'''Francine''': Srry, Catherine. But if I'm to play Edison convincingly, I need experience with electric lights.
:''[Francine continues flickering with the light switch, but Catherine is still annoyed]''
:'''Catherine''': Why didn't you just study a phonograph or a movie camera? He invented these.
:'''Francine''': Great idea, I would. ''[pause]'' As soon as I'm done here. ''[Francine flickers with the light switches once again]''
:'''Catherine''': Mother!

===''Arthur's Baby'' [1.11a]===
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Happy first birthday, Kate!
:'''Arthur and D.W.''': Happy birthday, Kate!
:''(Kate giggles and stuffs the cake in her mouth)''
:'''Arthur''': Babies do some dopey things, but I guess we were all babies once, like my friend Buster. 
:''(Baby Buster eats food placed in the shopping cart at the grocery store)''
:'''Bitzi''': No, sweetie. Don't do it.
:''(Bitzi throws the apple away. Buster eats the celery)''
:'''Bitzi''': Oh, goodness! No! Stop!
:''(Bitzi takes the celery away from him)'' 
:'''Arthur''': And Mr. Ratburn.
:''(Baby Mr. Ratburn is drawing math problems on the walls while his mother is vacuuming)''
:'''Mr. Ratburn's Mother''': Emil, what are you doing?
:'''Arthur''': Even my mom and dad.
(Baby versions of Arthur's Mom and Dad play in the sandbox)
:'''Arthur's Mom as a baby''': Clean my diaper! 
:'''Arthur''': Even my little sister Kate is growing up.
:''(Arthur's Mom wipes Kate's mouth with a napkin.)''
:'''Arthur''': I already miss the days when she was a cute little baby.
:'''D.W.''': (gets into a heated argument with Arthur) No, you don't!
:'''Arthur''': Do too!
:'''D.W.''': You didn't even like Kate when she was a little baby!
:'''Arthur''': Did too!
:'''D.W.''': (annoyed) Uh-huh, sure. I remember exactly what happened...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(Arthur and D.W. are having a grape-eating contest to see which one will eat the last grape.)''
:'''Arthur''': Let go, D.W.!
:'''D.W.''': No, you let go!
:'''Arthur''': You already ate more than me!
:'''D.W.''': I needed more than you. You're only bigger than me because you're full of so much poop!
:''(The last grape lands into D.W.'s mouth.)''
:'''Arthur''': (annoyed) You know how the world could be perfect? Remove all little sisters! That's my idea of perfect!
:'''D.W.''': (swallows the grape) Delicious!
:'''Arthur's Dad''': Arthur! D.W.! We have a surprise for you.
:'''Arthur''': Is it a new bicycle?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': No!
:'''D.W.''': Is Arthur moving out?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': No!
:'''Arthur and D.W.''': What is it? What is it?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': We're going to have a baby!
:'''D.W.''': (excited) A baby!
:'''Arthur''': (surprised) A baby?
:'''D.W.''': (making a disgusted face) Gross! All babies do was poop and stink up the whole house!
:''(Arthur’s Mom contorts her face and grunts. A smell fills the room.)''
:'''D.W.''': (holding her nose) Eww! Mom!
:'''Arthur's Dad''': It will be about six months before the baby comes. Plenty of time to get ready.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(At the gym, Binky and Arthur are fighting, but Arthur loses.)''
:'''Binky''': You better buy some clothespins. Babies never stop pooping! (evilly begins to laugh, and the imagination scene fades in, where the new baby has a dirty diaper.)
:'''Arthur''': (holding his nose) Can we open a window, please.
:'''Arthur's Mom''': What?
:'''Arthur''': (loudly) I said, open a window!
:''(Arthur’s Mom contorts her face and grunts. The smell grows worse and Arthur holds his nose)''
:''(A firetruck passes by the Read house. We see the firefighters hold their noses.)''
:'''Binky''': So you can forget about smelling good. ''(laughs)''
:''(Later, he and his friends are at the pool.)''
:'''Muffy''': Poor Arthur. In a few months, he'll be changing all those stinky diapers! (plugs her nose before jumping into the pool, causing the screen to be splashed by water effects)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Buster''': (pretends that Arthur is being protected by the baby's dirty diapers.) This should protect you from those smelly diapers!
:'''Arthur''': ''(muffled)'' Yeah, I can't smell everything.
:'''Buster''': Good.
:'''Arthur''': ''(muffled)'' But I can't breathe.
:'''Buster''': *gasps* Whoa!! *loud crash* (tries to pull the shoe off of Arthur's mouth, and as this happens,  Arthur gasps for breath and Buster accidentally crashes through some of Arthur's parents' things.)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(At the mall, Arthur and Buster see some babies in strollers, which gets him confused.)''
:'''Arthur''': What's the big deal with babies? They didn't even do anything.
:'''Buster''': Maybe you can teach your baby to do something useful, like earn money for you.
:''(In Arthur's imagination, he imagines he is a magician.)''
:'''Arthur''': Presenting the Amazing Baby.
:''(The audience is thrilled by the Amazing Baby, and they give their money to Arthur the magician.)''
:'''Arthur''': Thank you. Thank you.
:''(In the second imagination, Arthur pretends he has a smart baby who does his homework for him.)''
:'''Buster (V.O.)''': Or do your homework.
:'''Arthur''': And when you're done with math, don't forget to write my report on Magellan!
:​''(Now Arthur and Buster are in the treehouse while the imagination fades out.)''
:'''Arthur''': *sighs* If only life were like it.
:'''Buster (V.O.)''': Pretty soon, you can forget about playing after school; you'll have to babysit! (''laughs'')
:'''Arthur''': (in disappointmently) Yes.
:'''Francine''': And you'll start talking baby talk. All the time.
:''(Arthur and his friends are playing football and he trips to other side of the team and falls.)''
:'''Coach''': Good catch, Read! You all right?
:'''Arthur''': (in baby talk) Got a stinky diaper..
:''(Everyone on the football team, including their coach, hold their noses in disgust. They all start laughing out loud.)''
:'''Francine''': ''(holding her nose)'' Oh, Arthur still uses diapers like a baby..
:''(Arthur let’s put a long groan before sighing in relief)''
:'''Binky''': ''(holding his nose)'' And you stink real bad, too.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(That night, Arthur is in bed having a nightmare, then his mom comes in and startles him.)''
:'''Arthur''': (screams)
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Is everything all right, honey? You're tossing and turning!
:'''Arthur''': Uh, I--I was... having a bad dream.
:'''Arthur's Mom''': I guess you must be excited as I'm about the baby coming.
:'''Arthur''': Yeah! It's all I think about!
:''(Arthur’s Mom contorts her face and grunts. A smell fills the room.)''
:'''Arthur''': (holding his nose) Ugh! Mom!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(At the park, Arthur and his friend Buster are flying kites together when they see three cooing babies in their strollers.)''
:'''Arthur''': I guess I'm ready for this baby right now. I've thought of everything.
:'''Buster''': What if your mom has more than one?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(In Arthur's imagination, he dreams that he has more than one baby, which makes him scream. Meanwhile, at home, Doctor D.W. asks him if he wants to pretend to change a baby's diaper.)''
:'''D.W.''': Arthur. Come over here and I'll show you how to diaper a baby.
:''(D.W. bends over revealing that she is wearing a diaper. D.W. loudly grunts as she fills the diaper.)''
:'''Arthur''': ''(Holding his nose)'' Oh, gross! Mom!
:''(Arthur’s mom is laying on the couch wearing a diaper. She proceeds to fill it and the smell grows worse)''
:'''D.W.''': (holds her nose) Ew! Mom!
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Forget the diapers, come over here. I need to show you two something. You were a baby once, too, you know! (turns on the TV and plays a video of when Arthur was a baby.)
:'''Arthur (V.O.)''': Is this me?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': ''(on TV)'' Come on, dear. Oh.
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Yes, you're such a cute baby.
:'''D.W.''': Yeah, what went wrong?
:''(Arthur's Mom now puts on a video of when D.W. was a baby with lots of crying.)''
:'''D.W.''': Is this me? Didn't I look adorable? And I bet the new baby's going to be just like me.
:'''Arthur''': (cringes) This is what I'm afraid of.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(Now, Arthur's mom is now preparing her trip to the hospital to have a baby, and she is gathering all her stuff.)''
:'''Arthur''': (confused) What are you doing now?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': I have to be ready to go to the hospital at anytime now.
:'''D.W. (V.O.)''': Here's something to look at while you're in the hospital to help you make another perfect kid.
:'''Arthur's Mom''': ''(giggles)'' I'll pack it with my other things.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(The next morning, Arthur and D.W. are riding down the stairs and D.W. thought she won and she laughs.)''
:'''D.W.''': I win! I win!
:'''Arthur''': Did not, it's a tie!
:'''D.W.''': *laughs*
:'''Arthur''': *grunts in frustration* Huh??
:''(Arthur is really surprised to see that Grandma Thora is in the house making pancakes, which makes him confused.)''
:'''Grandma Thora''': Who wants blueberry pancakes?
:'''D.W.''': Grandma Thora, you're in the wrong house.
:'''Arthur''': Where are Mom and Dad, Grandma?
:'''Grandma Thora''': They're at the hospital. You both have a new baby sister.
:'''D.W.''': A sister! My sister! She'll be just like me! Yahoo!
:'''Arthur''': Oh, brother.
:'''D.W.''': Oh, sister! Yay!
:'''Arthur''': (weakly) Yahoo....

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(At the hospital, D.W. and Arthur's dad look and see which baby is theirs. Arthur's dad finds her.)
:'''D.W. (V.O.)''': Which one was my sister?
:'''Arthur's Dad''': This is her, and her name was Kate.
:''(Kate starts crying. This makes Arthur confused.)''
:'''D.W. (V.O.)''': She's got your nose, Arthur.
:'''Arthur''': And your mouth.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(That afternoon, Arthur's dad decides to record a video of Kate.)''
:'''Arthur''': She's kind of cute.
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Arthur, would you like to hold Kate?
:''(When Arthur holds Kate, she starts crying.)''
:'''Arthur''': (holding his nose) MOM!!! MOM!!!!
:'''D.W.''': Can I hold her? Can I hold her? She doesn't cry when I hold her.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(That night, Arthur gets near Kate, which accidentally makes her cry.)''
:'''Arthur''': Hi, Kate. I'm your big brother.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(At school, Francine doesn't understand why Kate cries when Arthur accidentally gets near her.)''
:'''Francine''': What do you mean, she hates you?
:'''Arthur''': She cries every time I get near her.
:'''Francine''': She's a baby. Babies cry.
:'''Arthur (V.O.)''': D.W. doesn't make her cry. Just me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(Then on Wednesday afternoon, his mother wants him to babysit Kate while she is gone.)''
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Arthur, can you watch Kate while I go upstairs?
:'''Arthur''': Um, are you sure?
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Oh, I'm sure you'll do just fine.
:'''Arthur (V.O.)''': Here, you dropped this.
:'''D.W.''': (angrilyerish) ARTHUR!!! WAS THAT ON THE FLOOR? IT HAS TO BE &quot;STERILIZED&quot;!!
:''(Kate cries, and D.W. asks Arthur to hold the pacifier while she gets something from her nurse bag.)''
:'''D.W.''': Hold this. (opens the bag, but things fall on the floor) Dang it. (grabs the tissue) Don't worry about it, I will take care of everything. (wipes the pacifier with her tissue, blows on it, rubs it on her nurse outfit, and puts it back in Kate's mouth. Then Kate stops crying and falls asleep when the pacifier is in her mouth. Afterwards, the doorbell rings.) I'll get it.
:''(Buster and Francine are at the front door and D.W. answers it.)''
:'''D.W.''': Hi.
:'''Buster''': Can Arthur come out?
:'''D.W.''': No, he was babysitting. Would you like to come in and see the baby?
:'''Buster and Francine''': Yeah. Sure.
:''(When Buster and Francine are in the house, they awe at the way Kate is when she's sleeping.)''
:'''D.W.''': Do not get too close, because you have germs!
:'''Francine''': What a cute baby. She looks just like me when I was a baby.
:''(Kate squirms, spits out her pacifier, and starts crying again.)''
:'''D.W.''': Everyone stand back. I know what she needs. ''(She then grabs the baby bottle out of her nurse bag and tries giving it to Kate. She jolts her head back and forth, then cries again. D.W. then gives the bottle to Francine.)'' Everyone remain calm!
:'''Francine''': Arthur, aren't you going to help?
:'''Arthur''': No, I'll only make it worse!

:'''D.W.''': I know what to do. Arthur, hold her while I get a clean diaper.
:'''Buster''': Come on, Kate. ''(makes mouth noises, but Kate continues crying)''
:'''Arthur''': ''(holding Kate and patting her)'' I wonder what she's trying to tell us! ''(Kate then poops and sighs. She then falls asleep right on Arthur's shoulders)''
:'''Francine and Buster''': Ew!
:'''Arthur's Mom''': Oh what is this smell!? Is everything all right? (D.W. is shocked to see that Arthur calmed Kate down.)
:'''Arthur''': It was now. 
:'''Buster''': Arthur got the baby to poop right when she was about to explode! ''(Kate then kisses Arthur, but Buster thinks she's spitting on him)'' Oh, gross. She's spitting on him.
:'''Francine''': She's not. She's kissing him.
:''(Arthur's Mom, Francine and Buster are all in awe. Then D.W. enters the living room, proud of what Arthur has done.)''

===''D.W.'s Baby'' [1.11b]===
:'''Arthur''': And now it's Kate's very first birthday. ''(D.W. secretly films Arthur)'' Cut it out! Mom, D.W.'s wrecking the video!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(D.W. is having a tea party in her room. She notices a funny smell)''
:'''D.W.''': P.U.! What is this smell!'
:''(D.W. notices Jane and Kate in the corner of the room. She’s goes to investigate. As she gets closer the smell gets worse. D.W. realizes what is happening. Baby Kate is being changed.)'' 
:'''D.W.''': (holding her nose) P.U.! It smells like a zoo in here!
:''(D.W. runs to the window to open it and let in some fresh air)”
:'''Jane''': (noticing a pressure in her stomach) D.W., close this. I have to make a pushy.
:''(Jane squats down and grunts. A muffled sound is heard, as Jane’s diaper begins to sag.)”
:'''D.W.''': (holding her nose) Yuck! Mom, you smell worse than Kate..
:''(D.W. looks down and notices her doll is making a face.)''
:'''D.W.''': (confused) huh?
:''(The smell immediately grows worse.)''
:'''D.W.''': (holding her nose) Ew! My doll has a stinky diaper!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(D.W. is playing with her toys when she notices Kate in the corner of the room.)”
:'''D.W.''': (Noticing Kate) You want to play too Kate? Here, you can have my truck. Look out though.. the tire falls off
:'''D.W.''': (Calling to Jane) Mom!
:''(Jane appears in the doorway and proceeds to grunt)”
:'''D.W.''': (concerned) Uh-oh...
:”(A squelching sound is heard. Transition to outside of the house. D.W. runs outside carrying an air freshener)”
&quot;(Kate cries.)&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(The next morning Jane is feeding Kate at the table, while D.W. eats her breakfast.)”
:'''Jane''' (encouraging Kate) What a great girl you are!
:”(Jane contorts her face.)
:'''Jane''' Eat your cereal D.W..
:'''D.W.''' I couldn't. My teeth were tired.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:”(D.W is playing with her friends in the sandbox)”
:'''Tommy''' Why didn't you just get rid of her?
:'''D.W.'''I could't, Mom and Dad like her.
:'''Timmy'''What if they didn't like her anymore?
:'''Tommy''' Yeah, what if she did bad things?
:'''D.W.'''She doesn't do anything. Except poop! Now my entire house stinks like poopy diapers..
:'''Tommy''' Ew!
:'''Timmy'''Gross!
:'''D.W.''' (Noticing Jane and Kate approaching) Even worse, here she comes..
:”(Jane walks by with Kate. She stops and let’s out a loud grunt. A foul smell fills the air.)”
:'''Timmy''' This stinks.
:'''Tommy''' I’ got it. She doesn't have to do anything. She has to get blamed for it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:”(D.W. is walking with her mom and Kate. She notices a demolition site as a building gets demolished)”
:'''D.W.'''SHE DID IT!
:'''Jane'''(correcting her) A demolition team did it, D.W.
:'''D.W.'''Yeah, this is what I meant.
:”(Jane stops and shifts all her weight onto her left leg. She lets out a fart and proceeds to mess herself. D.W. isn’t paying attention and walks straight into the seat of Jane’s diaper.)”
'''D.W.''' (Disgusted) Phew! This really stinks Mom..
:“(Jane shoves D.W.’s Face into the seat of her diaper. Before pushing out another load of poop. Jane sniffs the air and gets a whiff of her creation.)”
“(Jane pushes D.W. onto the ground and starts to bounce on her face. Using her dirty diaper like a stinky sit and bounce.)”

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(Arthur and D.W are in the kitchen where David’s shoes are in the dishwasher)”
:'''David''' AUGH! HOW DID MY NEW SHOES GET IN THE DISHWASHER?!
:'''D.W.'''Kate did it! I SAW HER!

:”(David scowls at D.W.)”
:'''David'''D.W., go to your room and think about what you just told me! I will be up to discuss it with you!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
“(D.W. was in her room. Then, Nadine appears.)”
:'''Nadine''' Pew. It stinks in here. He said, &quot;discuss&quot;. You know what that means.
:'''D.W.''' Yes, I'm in trouble. I wonder what he'll say when he finds a slice of bologna in the CD player.
:'''Nadine''' I told you not to do it.
:'''D.W.''' Well, what should I do now? I mean Mom's poopy diapers were bad enough, but this..
:'''Nadine''' (holding her nose) you’re telling me..
:'''D.W.''' I don’t know anymore..
:”(The smell of Kate’s most recent diaper change begins to permeate the room. Both D.W. and Nadine hold their noses in disgust)”

:'''Nadine''' Well, whatever you do. Do it fast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(The next day D.W. tried to sell late at the family garage sale.)”
:'''D.W.''' (Talking to her neighbor) Mrs. Tibble, we have a nice brand new baby, hardly used. It's 50 cents.
:'''Mrs. Tibble''' What?
:'''D.W.''' My mom says she's too much trouble.
:'''D.W.''' Okay, 35 cents, but it's my final offer.
:”(Mrs. Tibble tells Jane about what happened. Jane immediately comes over and relieves herself in D.W’s face.)”
:


&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
“:( While the garage sale is still going on, D.W. watches a documentary on TV.)”
:'''TV Narrator''' On an island that has everything they need, the monkeys lead happy lives.
:'''D.W.'''YES!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(In her room, D.W. packs her things)”
:'''D.W.'''This family isn't working out.
:'''Nadine'''Where are you going?
:'''D.W.'''I'm going to lead a happy life on an island that has everything I need. And no stinky babies..
:'''Nadine'''Bye, D.W. (disappears)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:”(D.W. then heads to Grandma Thora's house and knocks on the door)”
:'''Grandma Thora''' (Answering the door) Okay, okay, keep your shirt on. Hello, D.W., what a surprise.
:'''D.W.''' I came to say bye. I'm going to live with monkeys on Button Island.
:'''Grandma Thora''' I see. Are there any monkeys there?
:'''D.W.''' Are you crazy?! It's an island! You know, monkeys, island? Could you... drive me there?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(Grandma Thora takes D.W. to Button Island)”
:'''D.W.''' I think I need a boat.
:'''Grandma Thora''' Won't your family miss you?
:'''D.W.''' No, but they like Kate for now.
:'''Grandma Thora'''I'm really gonna miss you, D.W.
:'''D.W.'''I'll write to you. After I learn to write.
:“(Grandma Thora stops the boat)”
:'''Grandma Thora''' I think Kate will really miss you.
:'''D.W.''' She's just a baby. Babies just cry.
:'''Grandma Thora''' But when she grows up, she'll have a mommy, a daddy, a brother... What's missing?
:'''D.W.''' A ME! A SISTER! OH, POOR KATE! ALL ALONE WITHOUT A SISTER! Back up, Grandma! I gotta get home! My sister needs me! There's no way I'm gonna let Arthur show her how to do things!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:“(D.W. returns home)”
:'''Jane'''D.W., where were you? We were all worried about you.
:'''D.W.'''I'm here, Kate. Don't worry about it, I will show you how to do everything. This is what a big sister was for.
:”(As D.W. hugs Kate, she becomes aware of a familiar smell. D.W. makes a disgusted face and holds Kate at arms distance)”
:'''D.W.''' But moms and dads change the stinky diapers. Mom!

===''Arthur Writes a Story'' [1.12a]===
:'''Arthur''': I can't do this! ''[all shush at Arthur]'' AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Binky''': Did this really happen?
:'''Arthur''': Well, sort of. It started out as a story of how I got my dog.
:'''Mr. Ratburn''': It did?
:'''Arthur''': Yeah, but I thought it might be too boring.
:'''Mr. Ratburn''': I'd like to hear this story. But, don't worry about what you think people want to hear. Just tell your story the way it means the most to you.

===''Arthur's Lost Dog'' [1.12b]===
:'''David L. Read''': ''[?]'' [[The Fox and the Hound|Buster, don't make that noise, it's botherin' Kate.]]

===''So Long, Spanky'' [1.13a]===

===''Buster's New Friend'' [1.13b]===

===''Arthur the Wrecker'' [1.14a]===
:'''D.W.''': Mom? ''[sing-song voice]'' Arthur broke the window!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:''[Arthur and Buster are in the computer den]''
:'''Buster''': Can't you just show it to me for one second?
:'''Arthur''': I guess. Mom would never even know. ''[they start playing &quot;Deep Dark Sea&quot;]''
:'''D.W''': Arthur, what are you doing? Mom told you not to play on her computer.
:'''Arthur''': I'm not playing. I'm just showing it to Buster. Go somewhere else!
:'''D. W''': If I go away, I will probably tell Dad. And besides, I need to watch.
:'''Arthur''': Be quiet.
:'''Buster''': Wow! Even the Brain didn't get this far.
:'''D. W''': What's that?
:'''Arthur''': I don't know.
:'''Buster''': Go for it. Maybe this is the thing.
:'''D. W''': A treasure chest.
:'''Buster''': I think this is it. This is...
:'''Arthur and Buster''': The thing!
:'''Arthur''': I think I won. We've gotta open it.
:''[Arthur and Buster both grab at the mouse, then Buster accidentally knocks the keyboard off the desk along with the mouse which crash to the floor. Arthur, Buster and D.W. gasp in horror and the computer starts buzzing as the CRT monitor starts to flicker in waves, the screen goes nearly black with a dot in the middle, the screen appears again, and then wipes away completely]''
:'''Buster''': You've wrecked it!
:'''Arthur''': No, I didn't. You knocked the keyboard off the desk.
:'''Buster''': Because you pushed my arm. Try turning it off and on again. ''[Arthur presses the top button below the slot, but nothing seems to budge]''
:'''D. W''': You killed it! Now Mom will lose her job. Then we'll lose the house, and live in the street, and Kate will get pneumonia, and we'll all starve!
:'''Arthur''': D. W., I'm thinking.
:'''D. W''': And  it was all your fault! So you better fix it, because I love living here! ''[Buster grabs onto the computer tensely]''
:'''Arthur''': Don't do it. You'll make it worse.
:'''Buster''': Maybe you better call your mom.
:'''Arthur''': I could't. She said not to play with it. But now I wrecked it! I got it. Maybe we could fix it before she gets home.
:'''D. W''': Maybe a rich family will adopt me. I'm cute.
:'''Buster''': Who'd know how to fix a computer?
:'''Arthur and Buster''': ''[enthusiastically]'' The Brain!

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Jane''': Bad Arthur, bad boy!

===''Arthur and the True Francine'' [1.14b]===

===''Arthur's Family Vacation'' [1.15a]===
:''[Now we fade to the seafood restaurant, where a waiter walks up to the family's table doing a fancy walk and holding a platter.]''
:'''Dad''': Here they come! Quick, kids, close your eyes. ''[they all do so]'' OK, you can open your eyes!
:''[The waiter lifts the lid off to reveal a large red cooked lobster.]''
:'''D.W.''': '''''AAHHHH!!!!''''' It's a giant bug!
:'''Arthur''': How are you supposed to eat these things anyway?!
:'''D.W.''': ''[stands up on her seat]'' I want a hot dog, and no claws!
:'''Mom''': ''[sternly]'' D.W., sit! You can have a hot dog tomorrow when we're at the beach.
:''[Outside the restaurant window, lightning flashes, and thunder booms overhead as a storm begins. Arthur does not look amused.]''

===''Grandpa Dave's Old Country Farm'' [1.15b]===
:'''Dave''': Okay, kids. Leave those dishes on the table. We're going to the fair!
:'''Arthur''': The fair! Alright! Let's go!
:'''D.W.''': Hmm-hmm!
:'''Arthur''': Oops. Um, Grandpa, the fair sure would be fun, but...
:'''Dave''': Like what? Are you feeling sick?
:'''Arthur''': No, I'm fine, but we can't go to the fair. We have to stay home today and build the hen-house.
:'''Dave''': Horsefeathers. I can't make you two stay here and work, or what'll I tell your folks. And besides, this farm has been in our family for a hundred and fifty...
:'''D.W.''': Grandpa! We are your family!
:'''Dave''': Oh, well, you have a point there. I guess I could use a couple of... assistants... for a while.

===''Arthur and the Crunch Cereal Contest'' [1.16a]===

===''D.W. Flips'' [1.16b]===
:'''D.W.''': ''[Long pause; to the Tibbles touching Emily]'' Hey! Leave her alone!

===''Meek for a Week'' [1.17a]===

===''Arthur, World's Greatest Gleeper'' [1.17b]===
:'''Muffy''': There he is! Arrest him! Arrest him and make him give it back! Lock him up and throw away the key!
:'''Arthur''': Huh?
:'''Mr. Haney''': Now, now, Muffy, calm down.
:'''Mrs. MacGrady''': What in Nirvana is going on?
:'''Muffy''': Arthur stole my cellular phone!
:'''Arthur''': What?? Why would I? I did not!
:'''Muffy''': Did too, Arthur! Everybody knows you're the biggest gleeper in school.
:'''Mr. Haney''': Biggest what?
:'''Mrs. MacGrady''': Gleeper. Someone who steals.
:'''Muffy''': Make him give it back, Mr. Haney! Torture him till he confesses! Send him up the river for life! He's a menace to society! Take away his TV privileges! Shave his head! Make him eat... Oh. Excuse me. Hello, Muffy here. Oh, hi, Mommy. Yes, I did remember to tell Mr. Haney about my manicure appointment Friday.
:'''Mr. Haney''': Arthur, could I see you in my office? Make yourself comfortable. I was rather upset when Muffy called you the biggest beeper... beeper, yes? In school. Lollipop?
:'''Arthur''': No thank you, sir.
:'''Mr. Haney''': Now, I wouldn't want to take hearsay too seriously. If we believed everything we heard, we'd probably still think the world was full of monsters and sea serpents. And people would be afraid to go swimming, which would be a shame, since swimming is a perfectly good form of exercise. I do it myself, in fact. But bleeping, now that's something very serious, indeed. And if you have anything to do with it, I warn you to stop immediately because you will get caught. Then you'll be in deep trouble.
:'''Arthur''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mr. Haney''': Did I say that right? Bleeping? Blurping?
:'''Arthur''': Gleeping, sir.
:'''Mr. Haney''': Gleeping, of course. Now, run along, Arthur. You'll be late for class.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Molly''': So? What'd he do to you?
:'''Arthur''': Well, nothing. He just warned me.
:'''Molly''': All right! Did you tell him where to get off?
:'''Rattles''': You old con-artist. I bet you had him going in circles.
:'''Arthur''': Listen, you guys, there's something I have to tell you.
:'''Binky''': I bet he sold out on us! I bet he told them everything he knew about us! Otherwise, how come Mr. Haney didn't punish him?
:'''Kiefer''': Grr!
:'''Molly''': Arthur, you didn't... Did you?
:'''Arthur''': Didn't what? I mean, no!
:'''Rattles''': Why, you little cheat! You little squealer! Why, I oughta...
:'''Arthur''': But I didn't! I didn't! Ow, stop it!
:'''Binky''': Okay, so if you didn't, why don't you prove it. Prove you really are our chief gleeper.
:'''Arthur''': How?
:'''Binky''': Gleep all the ice cream bars from the cafeteria.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Rattles''': You big liar! You lie! You're just a lie-y liar! You big lying lie-face!
:'''Binky''': Well, I hope you've learned your lesson, Arthur, which is, namely, never to lie because when you lie, you... well, you're doing a very, very bad thing.
:'''Francine''': Hi, Arthur. I wanted to tell you, I'm glad you told the truth.
:'''Buster''': Hey, anybody wanna play kickball?
:'''Rattles''': Yeah, sure! Come on, Binky!
:'''Francine''': Come on, Arthur. I'm not mad at you anymore.

===''Arthur's Chicken Pox'' [1.18a]===
:'''Arthur &amp; D.W.''': ''[Jane turns off the TV with the TV remote]'' MOM!!!
:'''Arthur''': We were right in the middle!
:'''D.W''': 5 more minutes?
:'''Arthur''': It was just getting to the good part!
:'''D.W.''': Oh, Mom! Why do I have to eat at the table?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Because you're not sick.
:'''D.W.''': Ech! Spinach? How come Arthur doesn't have to eat spinach?
:'''Mr. and Mrs. Read''': Because he's sick.
:'''D.W.''': He's not. He's faking.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': Hurry up. I'm next.
:'''Arthur''': I don't feel so well.
:'''D.W.''': Go on, faker. ''[?]''
:'''Arthur''': '''''AAAAAGGGHHH!!'''''
:'''Mrs. Read''': What is it?
:'''Mr. Read''': What's wrong?
:'''D.W.''': Arthur has polka dots!
:'''Arthur''': What is wrong with me?
:'''Mr. Read''': It's chicken pox.
:'''D.W.''': Do you get it from chickens?
:'''Mr. Read''': No, it's just a normal childhood illness. I had it, and your mom has it.
:'''Mrs. Read''': I'll call Grandma Thora and see if she can come over while we're at work. She knows all about chicken pox.
:'''D.W.''': Does this mean Arthur can't go to the circus?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Well, we'll have to see.
:'''Arthur''': WHAT?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Sorry, honey, but chicken pox is very contagious.
:'''D.W.''': It looks like you're not going anywhere for a while. But, don't worry about it. I'll take care of you.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''D.W.''': Dad, it's not fair! How come Arthur gets chicken pox and I don't?
:'''Mr. Read''': Honey, you're lucky you're not sick. Chicken pox is no fun.
:'''D.W.''': Yeah, it is! It's more fun than anything!
:'''Mr. Read''': More fun than the circus? More fun than elephants and cotton candy and ice cream?
:'''D.W.''': Of course.
:'''Mr. Read''': Well, you have until tomorrow to decide. If you don't want to go, you can stay home with Arthur.

===''Sick as a Dog'' [1.18b]===
:'''D.W.''': Want to hear a good joke? Knock-knock... ''(Pal grabs the hotdog and pulls her off her chair.)'' Hey! The dog stole my wiener! The dog stole my wiener!
:'''David''': Arthur, tell Pal to let go!
:'''Arthur''': Pal, let go!? ''[Pal drags D.W. through the kitchen.]''
:'''D.W.''': It's mine It's mine!
:'''Arthur''': Pal, sit! Heel! Stay, lied down! Um... ''Roll over!!'' ''[Pal has got D.W.'s hot dog and as he runs around the kitchen, he pulls D.W. with him]''
:'''D.W. Read''': Give it back! I don't eat your dog food, do I?! ''[Pal pulls her under the table. Oof. They play tug-of-war.]'' Grr! I'll never let go! Never! Ow! ''[Pal pulls the hotdog out of the bun and she falls backwards, after Pal managed to get D.W.'s wiener and ate it]'' Someday, I'm gonna teach that dog a lesson he won't forget!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Arthur''': How do you make him sick?!

===''D.W. Rides Again'' [1.19a]===

===''Arthur Makes the Team'' [1.19b]===
:'''Oliver''': Hey, hey, hey!? Knock it off!!!! ''[Long pauses out; Arthur's gone]'' Where Arthur go?

===''Arthur's Almost Boring Day'' [1.20a]===
:'''Francine''': ''[singing]'' It's raining, it's pouring&lt;br&gt;The old man is snoring. ''[Oliver snores]'' And this is driving me nuts!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''D.W.''': You're doing it all wrong!
:'''Arthur''': I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!
:'''Mrs. Read''': What's going on, you two?
:'''D.W.''': Arthur's ruining the game. He's not playing right.
:'''Arthur''': I'm so! I roll the dice, I move around the board.
:'''D.W.''': But you're supposed to be having fun. Look at the little boy on the box!
:'''Arthur''': That little boy is not playing with you.
:'''Mrs. Read''': Arthur, is there another game you can play?
:'''D.W.''': Yes. I'll go set it up.
:'''Arthur''': Mom. Dad. I can't write a report that I played Confuse the Goose. Everyone will laugh at me.
:'''Mr. Read''': Why don't you read a book to D.W.?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Yes, that should be quiet... eh, fun.
:'''Arthur''': Mom and Dad said I don't have to play that. But I'll read to you.
:'''D.W.''': Mom! Arthur said you said he didn't have to play with me!
:'''Buster''': I don't know what you can do, Arthur.
:'''Arthur''': Everything around here is too boring to be in a report.
:'''D.W.''': I'm ready! Hm-hm! Hm-hm! Hm-hm!
:'''Buster [on phone]''': Just watch wrestling until the rain stops. How long can it rain for?
:'''Weatherman [on TV]''': This system is very similar to a monsoon during which it rains nonstop for an entire month.
:'''Buster [on phone]''': Arthur? Are you still here?
:'''D.W.''': Like it would be so hard to play one game of Confuse the Goose with your adorable sister.
:'''Arthur''': &quot;Once upon a time...&quot;
:'''D.W.''': Let me guess. They lived happily ever after, right?
:'''Arthur''': Right.
:'''D.W.''': I knew that. Boring!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[Arthur, D.W., Pal, And Kate Annoys Them,Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human),Gabriella Goobe Ashton(@Hello_Stikk Figga),And Diego Scrapss Zach(@Hello_Stikk Figga) Joins Them]
:'''Mr. Read''': Everybody freeze!!
:'''D.W.''': Arthur's trying to bite my nose.
:'''Mr. Read''': Is this any way to treat a book?!
:'''Arthur''': No. No, but she... she didn't need me reading to her!
:'''D.W.''': Aaliyah, Do You Have An Elastic Rope? I Need To Launch Gabriella And Diego!
:'''Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human)''': You Need To WHAT?!
:'''Mrs. Read''': D.W.! Kate, That's Not A Real Tumor, It's Called A &quot;Timpano&quot;!
:'''Kate''': Shi De!
:'''All''': Woah!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Now Let's See That Video!
:'''D.W.''': [Mocking Gabbi In A Very VERY Fake,Sus,And Awesome Way] Good After Noon, Everyone!
:'''Gabriella A''': Who Is That Meant To Be?
:'''Diego Z''': It's Meant To Be You!
:'''Mrs. Read''': Looks Like Wirt The Gnome Must Have Walked Through Some Chalk!
:'''Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human)''': It Would See If He Has Too Left Feet, Which Was Weird,
:'''Heimlich''': Ze Gnome Also Transport Himself Into Mrs. Read's Room Vithout Leaving Any More Footprints!
:'''D.W.''': Gnomes Are EVEN More Mysterious That They Are Real!
:'''Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human) &amp; Gabriella Goobe Ashton(@Hello_Stikk Figga)''': Well We're Not Gonna Believe And Exist Until We See It!
:'''Diego Scrapss Zach(@Hello_Stikk Figga)''': Do You Hear Anything?
:'''Mr. Read''': It Sounded Like...
:'''D.W. &amp; Mr. Read''': A MONSTER!!!!!
:'''Gabriella Goobe Ashton(@Hello_Stikk Figga)''': Nope, It's Really Kinda My Gut.
:'''Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human)''': Oh Sure! Sounds Weird! Yep, Sounds Like You Just Swallowed A Propeller. No, I Think It's Something Even BIGGER!
:'''Arthur''': Ha! That's You Because You Scarfed Up All That.
:'''Aaliyah Brown*13 Yrs*(Human)''': Huh? Hey You're Right! It's Coming From Mine!
[She, Gabriella Goobe Ashton(@Hello_Stikk Figga), &amp; Arthur Laughed]
:'''Penelope Shelly Adam''': WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT?!?!? Explain This...

===''The Half-Baked Sale'' [1.20b]===
:'''Arthur''': DW, leave Pal alone.

===''Sue Ellen Moves In'' [1.21a]===

===''The Perfect Brother'' [1.21b]===

===''D.W.'s Snow Mystery'' [1.22a]===
:'''D.W.''': You wanna know what's missing? You wanna know what's missing?!
:'''All''': Yes! [Their toothpick tower collapses] Aw, not again.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Jane''': Hold it, young lady, the snowball doesn't belonged in the house.

&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:'''Francine''': We weren't there when Arthur did it!
:'''Arthur''': I didn't do it!
:'''D.W.''': Somebody did it. I want a confession. Confess! Confess!
:'''Buster''': I've reached a conclusion by discerning the truth from the eyewitness accounts. It's very simple. While we were busy, a space alien materialized. In a scientific search for samples of human food, he took the snowball and nothing else, because he left in a hurry.
:'''Mr. Read''': Huh?! Now who left that freezer door open?
:'''Buster''': It's the only logical answer. That's why the plate is missing also.
:'''Francine''': That's crazy!
:'''D.W.''': One of you took my snowball!
:'''Francine''': Why don't you just confess, Buster?
:'''Arthur''': Yeah!
:'''Buster''': Me? Why don't you?!
:'''Francine''': It was probably Arthur.
:'''Arthur''': Me? How could you think I would do something like that?
:'''Mrs. Read''': Whoever did it should just admit it. It's not nice to do this to a little girl.
:'''D.W.''': I think you're all in on it. You're trying to break a child's heart. It's a conspiracy!
:'''Grandma Thora''': You know, someone's going to get their feelings hurt if everyone doesn't calm down.

===''Team Trouble'' [1.22b]===
:'''Mr. Ratburn''': The Great Wall of China is 1500 miles long. It was built over 2000 years ago and still stands today.
:'''Arthur''': Wow.
:'''Buster''': ''[whispers]'' That's even older than the cafeteria hot dogs.
:'''Mr. Ratburn''': Ahem! He shows the next slide. The Appian Way was the chief highway from Rome to Greece. It was built in 312 B.C. It's still in use today. He switches the lights back on. We’re going to divide into teams to study and report on important ancient civilizations. The team to report on Rome: Arthur, Francine and Buster.
:''[Arthur and Buster shake hands, then Francine and Buster.]''
:'''Arthur''': Great team!
:'''Francine''': Oh, boy!
:'''Buster''': Great!

===''Bully for Binky'' [1.23a]===

===''Misfortune Teller'' [1.23b]===

===''Arthur's Tooth'' [1.24a]===
:Francine: Baby.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:Francine: Does anyone have a bib for the baby?
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:Francine: Well, if it isn't Arthur the baby!
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:Arthur: Okay. But if you ask me, now you're being a baby.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;
:Buster: Arthur's right, Francine.
&lt;hr width=50% /&gt;

===''D.W. Gets Lost'' [1.24b]===

===''D.W. Thinks Big'' [1.25a]===

===''Arthur Cleans Up'' [1.25b]===

===''My Dad, the Garbage Man'' [1.26a]===

===''Poor Muffy'' [1.26b]===

===''D.W.'s Blankie'' [1.27a]===

===''Arthur's Substitute Teacher Trouble'' [1.27b]===

===''I'm a Poet'' [1.28a]===
:'''Fern''': (loudly) '''''Be Quiet!''''' I bet that none of you can write a poem and finish it in time to submit it to the poetry contest.

===''The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club!'' [1.28b]===

===''My Club Rules'' [1.29a]===
:'''Muffy''': Rules, rules, rules. You're out! Get off my property, or I'm calling the police!

===''Stolen Bike'' [1.29b]===
:'''Laverne''': I'm sorry, honey. But we can't afford to get you a new bike. Maybe next year.
:'''Francine''': It's not fair! I'll die without a bike. ''[puts her head down on the table]''
:'''Oliver''': No! Not that! Anything but that! You mustn't give up, honey! Be brave! Live, I say! LIVE!
:'''Catherine''': ''[walks out of the room]'' Oh, Dad. Grow up!
:'''Oliver''': ''[calmly]'' Catherine's right. And besides, I have an idea.

===''Arthur's First Sleepover'' [1.30a]===

===''Arthur's New Year's Eve'' [1.30b]===

[[Category:Television show seasons]]</text>
      <sha1>hychp92o5eyega6nahedfqgk9zgq754</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Template:Looney Tunes</title>
    <ns>10</ns>
    <id>280328</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951688</id>
      <parentid>3831905</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T15:03:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951688</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15770" sha1="6u36lf5nw12azicnst0mmo6ehs1o68i" xml:space="preserve">&lt;noinclude&gt;{{italic title}}{{Wikipedia|Template:Looney Tunes &amp; Merrie Melodies}}&lt;/noinclude&gt;{{clear}}
{|style=&quot;margin:1em auto; width:900px;background-color:#F0A000;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot;
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=center valign=middle colspan=5 height=45px|[[File:Looney Tunes 2024.svg|125px|center]]
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Characters&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; [[Bugs Bunny]] '''·''' [[Daffy Duck]] '''·''' [[Porky Pig]] '''·''' [[Elmer Fudd]] '''·''' [[Marvin the Martian]] '''·''' [[Pepé Le Pew]] '''·''' [[Bosko]]
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; rowspan=2 align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Feature&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Animated&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=3|&amp;nbsp; ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1979) '''·''' ''[[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1981) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1982) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck's Fantastic Island]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1983) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1988) '''·''' ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's High-Flying Adventure]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2000) '''·''' ''[[Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2006) '''·''' ''[[The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2024)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Live&amp;nbsp;action&amp;nbsp;animated&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed;#202122);&quot; colspan=3|&lt;span style=&quot;color:navy;&quot;&gt;&amp;nbsp; [[File:Who Framed Roger Rabbit logo.png|50px|link=Who Framed Roger Rabbit]] &amp;nbsp;(1988) '''·''' ''[[File:Space Jam 1996 logo.png|60px|link=Space Jam]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1996) '''·''' ''[[file:Looneytunes-bia-logo.svg|70px|link=Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2003) '''·''' ''[[File:Space Jam; A New Legacy (Print).svg|50px|link=Space Jam: A New Legacy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2021)&lt;/span&gt;
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Short&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[Bosko, the Talk-Ink Kid]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1929) '''·''' ''[[Porky's Duck Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1937) '''·''' ''[[Porky &amp; Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[What Price Porky]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[The Daffy Doc]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck &amp; Egghead]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Porky in Egypt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''.''' ''[[Daffy Duck in Hollywood]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1939) '''·''' ''[[Wise Quacks]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1939) '''·''' ''[[Elmer's Candid Camera]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[A Wild Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[You Ought to Be in Pictures]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[Wabbit Twouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[The Henpecked Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[Hiawatha's Rabbit Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[Who's Who in the Zoo]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Conrad the Sailor]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Case of the Missing Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Crazy Cruise]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Fresh Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Wacky Wabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Wabbit Who Came to Supper]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Hare-Brained Hypnotist]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Hold the Lion, Please]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Fox Pop]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Yankee Doodle Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Porky Pig's Feat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[A Corny Concerto]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Daffy – The Commando]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[The Wise Quacking Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[To Duck or Not to Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Jack-Wabbit and the Beanstalk]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Super-Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Wackiki Wabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[What's Cookin' Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Hare Force]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Plane Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Stage Door Cartoon]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Little Red Riding Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Tom Turk and Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Duck Soup to Nuts]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Life with Feathers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Draftee Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Hare Tonic]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[The Unruly Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Racketeer Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Rhapsody Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Racketeer Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Baseball Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Hair-Raising Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Acrobatty Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[The Great Piggy Bank Robbery]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Doodles]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Kitty Kornered]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Walky Talky Hawky]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Tweetie Pie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[One Meat Brawl]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[A Pest in the House]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Easter Yeggs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Slick Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[The Goofy Gophers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[A Hare Grows in Manhattan]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Gorilla My Dreams]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[A-Lad-In His Lamp]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Hot Cross Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Punch]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[My Bunny Lies over the Sea]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[You Were Never Duckier]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Buccaneer Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Dilly]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[What Makes Daffy Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck Slept Here]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Rides Again]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[I Taw a Putty Tat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Back Alley Oproar]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Haredevil Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Odor of the Day]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Which Is Witch]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Long-Haired Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Rebel Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Knights Must Fall]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Mississippi Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[High Diving Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bunker Hill Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Often an Orphan]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[For Scent-imental Reasons]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Hippety Hopper (film)|Hippety Hopper]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Hood]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Canary Row]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bad Ol' Putty Tat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[The Stupor Salesman]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Hare Do]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Frigid Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[The Grey Hounded Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Holiday for Drumsticks]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bushy Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[All a Bir-r-r-d]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Home Tweet Home]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[The Scarlet Pumpernickel]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Boobs in the Woods]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Golden Yeggs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Big House Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Mutiny on the Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit of Seville]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Homeless Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Hillbilly Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[What's Up, Doc? (1950 film)|What's Up, Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[French Rarebit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Drip-Along Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[The Fair-Haired Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Every Monday]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Fire]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Big Top Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's S.O.S.]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Room and Bird]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Canned Feud]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Scentimental Romeo]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Putty Tat Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[A Hound for Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[A Bird in a Guilty Cage]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Ain't She Tweet]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Who's Kitten Who?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Operation: Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit's Kin]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[The Hasty Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Little Beau Pepé]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[14 Carrot Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Hare Lift]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Seasoning]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Foxy by Proxy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Oily Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Water, Water Every Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Bully for Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Forward March Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Robot Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Lumber Jack-Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Muscle Tussle]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Duck! Rabbit, Duck!]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Catty Cornered]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Wild Over You]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Hare Trimmed]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Duck Amuck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Fowl Weather]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Snow Business]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Sandy Claws (film)|Sandy Claws]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Devil May Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Captain Hareblower]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Baby Buggy Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Bewitched Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Bugs and Thugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Knight-mare Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Beanstalk Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Rampage]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Hare Brush]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Red Riding Hoodwinked]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Speedy Gonzales (film)|Speedy Gonzales]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Two Scent's Worth]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Roman Legion-Hare]]'' nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Sahara Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's Circus]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Barbary Coast Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[A Star is Bored]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Rabbitson Crusoe]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Half-Fare Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Stupor Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Tweet and Sour]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Tree Cornered Tweety]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[To Hare is Human]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[The High and the Flighty]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Napoleon Bunny-Part]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Bedevilled Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Ducking the Devil]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Tweety and the Beanstalk]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Birds Anonymous]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Fox Terror]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Touché and Go]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Ali Baba Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Show Biz Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Bugsy and Mugsy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[What's Opera, Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Now Hare This]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Robin Hood Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Knighty Knight Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Don't Axe Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Pre-Hysterical Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Less Wolf]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[A Pizza Tweety Pie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Way to the Stars]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Tweet and Lovely]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Unnatural History (film)|Unnatural History]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Abian Nights]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Apes of Wrath]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Bonanza Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Lighter Than Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Hyde and Go Tweet]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Goldimouse and the Three Cats]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit's Feat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Crockett-Doodle-Do]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Who Scent You?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Person to Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Compressed Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Prince Varmint]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[The Abominable Snow Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Birds of a Father]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Bill of Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Louvre Come Back to Me!]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Shishkabugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Quackodile Tears]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Wet Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Transylvania 6-5000 (1963 film)|Transylvania 6-5000]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Claws in the Lease]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Breadth Hurry]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Mad as a Mars Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[False Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Dr. Devil and Mr. Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Dumb Patrol]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[The Iceman Ducketh]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Cool Cat (film)|Cool Cat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1967) '''·''' ''[[See Ya Later Gladiator]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1968) '''·''' ''[[3 Ring Wing-Ding]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1968) '''·''' ''[[Injun Trouble (1969 film)|Injun Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1969) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers and the Return of the 24½th Century]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1980) '''·''' ''[[Portrait of the Artist as a Young Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1980) '''·''' ''[[Box-Office Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1990) '''·''' ''[[(Blooper) Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1991) '''·''' ''[[Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[Another Froggy Evening]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995) '''·''' ''[[Carrotblanca]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995) '''·''' ''[[Pullet Surprise]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1997) '''·''' ''[[From Hare to Eternity]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1997) '''·''' ''[[Hare and Loathing in Las Vegas]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2004)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Television&amp;nbsp;series&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[File:Tiny toon adventures - colored logo.svg|50px|link=Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1990-92) '''·''' ''[[Taz-Mania]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992-95) '''·''' ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[The Sylvester &amp; Tweety Mysteries]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995-2002) '''·''' ''[[Baby Looney Tunes]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2002-05) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers (TV series)|Duck Dodgers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2003-05) '''·''' ''[[File:Loonatics Unleashed.svg|50px|link=Loonatics Unleashed]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2005-07) '''·''' ''[[File:The Looney Tunes Show logo.svg|50px|link=The Looney Tunes Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2011-13) '''·''' ''[[File:New Looney Tunes Logo.png|50px|link=New Looney Tunes]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2015-2020) '''·''' ''[[Looney Tunes Cartoons]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2020-24) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Builders]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2022-present) '''·''' ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2023-present)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Video&amp;nbsp;games&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[Space Jam (video game)|Space Jam]]'' (1996)
|}&lt;noinclude&gt;[[Category:Looney Tunes]][[Category:Warner Bros. navigational templates]]&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
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      <id>3951751</id>
      <parentid>3951688</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:07:56Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="15723" sha1="51lag50akmvp4r0c5jcif2x5nbst9mr" xml:space="preserve">&lt;noinclude&gt;{{italic title}}{{Wikipedia|Template:Looney Tunes &amp; Merrie Melodies}}&lt;/noinclude&gt;{{clear}}
{|style=&quot;margin:1em auto; width:900px;background-color:#F0A000;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot;
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=center valign=middle colspan=5 height=45px|[[File:Looney Tunes 2024.svg|125px|center]]
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Characters&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; [[Bugs Bunny]] '''·''' [[Daffy Duck]] '''·''' [[Porky Pig]] '''·''' [[Elmer Fudd]] '''·''' [[Marvin the Martian]] '''·''' [[Pepé Le Pew]] '''·''' [[Bosko]]
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; rowspan=2 align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Feature&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Animated&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=3|&amp;nbsp; ''[[The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1979) '''·''' ''[[The Looney Looney Looney Bugs Bunny Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1981) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny's 3rd Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1982) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck's Fantastic Island]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1983) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck's Quackbusters]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1988) '''·''' ''[[Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's High-Flying Adventure]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2000) '''·''' ''[[Bah, Humduck! A Looney Tunes Christmas]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2006) '''·''' ''[[The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2024)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Live&amp;nbsp;action&amp;nbsp;animated&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed;#202122);&quot; colspan=3|&lt;span style=&quot;color:navy;&quot;&gt;&amp;nbsp; [[File:Who Framed Roger Rabbit logo.png|50px|link=Who Framed Roger Rabbit]] &amp;nbsp;(1988) '''·''' ''[[File:Space Jam 1996 logo.png|60px|link=Space Jam]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1996) '''·''' ''[[file:Looneytunes-bia-logo.svg|70px|link=Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2003) '''·''' ''[[File:Space Jam; A New Legacy (Print).svg|50px|link=Space Jam: A New Legacy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2021)&lt;/span&gt;
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Short&amp;nbsp;films&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[Bosko, the Talk-Ink Kid]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1929) '''·''' ''[[Porky's Duck Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1937) '''·''' ''[[Porky &amp; Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[What Price Porky]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[The Daffy Doc]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck &amp; Egghead]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Porky in Egypt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''.''' ''[[Daffy Duck in Hollywood]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1938) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1939) '''·''' ''[[Wise Quacks]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1939) '''·''' ''[[Elmer's Candid Camera]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[A Wild Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[You Ought to Be in Pictures]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1940) '''·''' ''[[Wabbit Twouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[The Henpecked Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[Hiawatha's Rabbit Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1941) '''·''' ''[[Who's Who in the Zoo]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Conrad the Sailor]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Case of the Missing Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Crazy Cruise]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Fresh Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Wacky Wabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Wabbit Who Came to Supper]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[The Hare-Brained Hypnotist]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Hold the Lion, Please]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Fox Pop]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1942) '''·''' ''[[Yankee Doodle Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Porky Pig's Feat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[A Corny Concerto]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Daffy – The Commando]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[The Wise Quacking Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[To Duck or Not to Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Jack-Wabbit and the Beanstalk]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Super-Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[Wackiki Wabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1943) '''·''' ''[[What's Cookin' Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Hare Force]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Plane Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Stage Door Cartoon]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Little Red Riding Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Tom Turk and Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Duck Soup to Nuts]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1944) '''·''' ''[[Life with Feathers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Draftee Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Hare Tonic]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[The Unruly Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1945) '''·''' ''[[Rhapsody Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Racketeer Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Baseball Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Hair-Raising Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Acrobatty Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[The Great Piggy Bank Robbery]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Doodles]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Kitty Kornered]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Walky Talky Hawky]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1946) '''·''' ''[[Tweetie Pie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[One Meat Brawl]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[A Pest in the House]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Easter Yeggs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Slick Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[The Goofy Gophers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[A Hare Grows in Manhattan]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1947) '''·''' ''[[Gorilla My Dreams]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[A-Lad-In His Lamp]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Hot Cross Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Punch]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[My Bunny Lies over the Sea]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[You Were Never Duckier]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Buccaneer Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Dilly]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[What Makes Daffy Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck Slept Here]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Rides Again]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[I Taw a Putty Tat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Back Alley Oproar]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Haredevil Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Odor of the Day]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1948) '''·''' ''[[Which Is Witch]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Long-Haired Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Rebel Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Knights Must Fall]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Mississippi Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Daffy Duck Hunt]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[High Diving Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bunker Hill Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Often an Orphan]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[For Scent-imental Reasons]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Hippety Hopper (film)|Hippety Hopper]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Hood]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Canary Row]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bad Ol' Putty Tat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[The Stupor Salesman]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Hare Do]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Frigid Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[The Grey Hounded Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Holiday for Drumsticks]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1949) '''·''' ''[[Bushy Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[All a Bir-r-r-d]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Home Tweet Home]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[The Scarlet Pumpernickel]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Boobs in the Woods]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Golden Yeggs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Big House Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Mutiny on the Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit of Seville]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Homeless Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[Hillbilly Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[What's Up, Doc? (1950 film)|What's Up, Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1950) '''·''' ''[[French Rarebit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Drip-Along Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[The Fair-Haired Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Every Monday]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Fire]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Big Top Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's S.O.S.]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Room and Bird]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Canned Feud]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Scentimental Romeo]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[Putty Tat Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[A Hound for Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1951) '''·''' ''[[A Bird in a Guilty Cage]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Ain't She Tweet]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Who's Kitten Who?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Operation: Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit's Kin]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[The Hasty Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Little Beau Pepé]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[14 Carrot Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Hare Lift]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Seasoning]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Foxy by Proxy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Oily Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Water, Water Every Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1952) '''·''' ''[[Bully for Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Forward March Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Robot Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Lumber Jack-Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Muscle Tussle]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Duck! Rabbit, Duck!]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Catty Cornered]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Wild Over You]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Hare Trimmed]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Duck Amuck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Fowl Weather]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Snow Business]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1953) '''·''' ''[[Sandy Claws (film)|Sandy Claws]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Devil May Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Captain Hareblower]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Baby Buggy Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Bewitched Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Bugs and Thugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1954) '''·''' ''[[Knight-mare Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Beanstalk Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit Rampage]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Hare Brush]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Red Riding Hoodwinked]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Speedy Gonzales (film)|Speedy Gonzales]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Two Scent's Worth]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Roman Legion-Hare]]'' nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Sahara Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Tweety's Circus]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1955) '''·''' ''[[Barbary Coast Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[A Star is Bored]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Rabbitson Crusoe]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Half-Fare Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Stupor Duck]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Tweet and Sour]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Tree Cornered Tweety]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[To Hare is Human]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[The High and the Flighty]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Napoleon Bunny-Part]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1956) '''·''' ''[[Bedevilled Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Ducking the Devil]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Tweety and the Beanstalk]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Birds Anonymous]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Fox Terror]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Touché and Go]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Ali Baba Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Show Biz Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Bugsy and Mugsy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[What's Opera, Doc?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1957) '''·''' ''[[Now Hare This]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Robin Hood Daffy]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Knighty Knight Bugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Don't Axe Me]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Pre-Hysterical Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Less Wolf]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[A Pizza Tweety Pie]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Way to the Stars]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1958) '''·''' ''[[Tweet and Lovely]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Unnatural History (film)|Unnatural History]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Abian Nights]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Apes of Wrath]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Bonanza Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1959) '''·''' ''[[Lighter Than Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Hyde and Go Tweet]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Goldimouse and the Three Cats]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Rabbit's Feat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Crockett-Doodle-Do]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Who Scent You?]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Person to Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1960) '''·''' ''[[Compressed Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Prince Varmint]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[The Abominable Snow Rabbit]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Birds of a Father]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1961) '''·''' ''[[Bill of Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Louvre Come Back to Me!]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Shishkabugs]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Quackodile Tears]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Wet Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1962) '''·''' ''[[Transylvania 6-5000 (1963 film)|Transylvania 6-5000]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Claws in the Lease]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Hare-Breadth Hurry]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[Mad as a Mars Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' &amp;nbsp;(1963) '''·''' ''[[False Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Dr. Devil and Mr. Hare]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Dumb Patrol]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[The Iceman Ducketh]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1964) '''·''' ''[[Cool Cat (film)|Cool Cat]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1967) '''·''' ''[[See Ya Later Gladiator]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1968) '''·''' ''[[3 Ring Wing-Ding]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1968) '''·''' ''[[Injun Trouble (1969 film)|Injun Trouble]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1969) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers and the Return of the 24½th Century]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1980) '''·''' ''[[Portrait of the Artist as a Young Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1980) '''·''' ''[[Box-Office Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1990) '''·''' ''[[(Blooper) Bunny]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1991) '''·''' ''[[Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[Another Froggy Evening]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995) '''·''' ''[[Carrotblanca]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995) '''·''' ''[[Pullet Surprise]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1997) '''·''' ''[[From Hare to Eternity]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1997) '''·''' ''[[Hare and Loathing in Las Vegas]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2004)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Television&amp;nbsp;series&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[File:Tiny toon adventures - colored logo.svg|50px|link=Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1990-92) '''·''' ''[[Taz-Mania]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992-95) '''·''' ''[[The Plucky Duck Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1992) '''·''' ''[[The Sylvester &amp; Tweety Mysteries]]'' &amp;nbsp;(1995-2002) '''·''' ''[[Baby Looney Tunes]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2002-05) '''·''' ''[[Duck Dodgers (TV series)|Duck Dodgers]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2003-05) '''·''' ''[[File:Loonatics Unleashed.svg|50px|link=Loonatics Unleashed]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2005-07) '''·''' ''[[File:The Looney Tunes Show logo.svg|50px|link=The Looney Tunes Show]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2011-13) '''·''' ''[[File:New Looney Tunes Logo.png|50px|link=New Looney Tunes]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2015-2020) '''·''' ''[[Looney Tunes Cartoons]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2020-24) '''·''' ''[[Bugs Bunny Builders]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2022-present) '''·''' ''[[Tiny Toons Looniversity]]'' &amp;nbsp;(2023-present)
|-
|style=&quot;background:#DB1E09;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; align=right|&lt;span style=&quot;color:white;&quot;&gt;'''&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Video&amp;nbsp;games&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;'''&lt;/span&gt;
|style=&quot;background:gold;color:var(--color-base-fixed, #202122);&quot; colspan=4|&amp;nbsp; ''[[Space Jam (video game)|Space Jam]]'' (1996)
|}&lt;noinclude&gt;[[Category:Looney Tunes]][[Category:Warner Bros. navigational templates]]&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Wallace &amp; Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>284071</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951870</id>
      <parentid>3918954</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:06:08Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>added thumbnail</comment>
      <origin>3951870</origin>
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      <text bytes="3256" sha1="ds7rs93cbuh6m8sh2p9aee3y3q8etm8" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Wallace &amp; Gromit Vengeance Most Fowl logo.png|thumb]]
'''''[[W:Wallace &amp; Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl|Wallace &amp; Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl]]''''' is a 2024 British stop-motion animated film based on the animated series ''[[Wallace and Gromit]]''.

==Wallace==
*A chicken?! Behind all this?! ''[Feathers removes his disguise]'' [[The Wrong Trousers|Good grief! It's you! Again!]]
*Oh, fancy a cup of [[tea]], do you? The cheek of it! Well, I wouldn't bother with that teapot. It doesn't work!
*Oh, so ''that's'' your plan. You get away scot-free with the diamond, and everyone thinks I'm the evil inventor who stole it. Why that's... that's... [[vengeance]] most fowl!
*Give him the diamond, lad. I can live without inventing, but I can't live without... ''[gulps]'' me best pal.

==Others==
*'''Judge''': Feathers McGraw, you've been found guilty of the attempted robbery of the Blue Diamond. If not for 2 upstanding citizens, you would've succeeded in your wicked plan. Therefore, it's the decision of this court, that for the rest of your natural life, you'll be removed to a high-security institution.

==Dialogue==
:''[At the museum presentation of the Blue Diamond...]''
:'''PC Albert''': And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. Safely on display for all posterity. The blue diamond.
:''[all of a sudden, PC Mukherjee gasps and the crowd looks on in shock]''
:'''Mayor''': ''[disappointed]'' It's not as shiny in real life, is it?
:'''PC Albert''': ''[confused]'' You what?
:''[PC Albert glances over. In his hand, where the diamond is meant to be, is a turnip. Albert yelps in shock and drops the turnip onto the diamond's pillow.]''
:'''PC Albert''': That's a flippin' '''''TURNIP!!!'''''
:''[everyone gasps]''
:'''PC Mukherjee''': You didn't check inside the sack, chief, before you put it in the vault?
:'''PC Albert''': Erm... ''[realises in horror]'' Oh...
:''[PC Albert has a flashback to Wallace handing him the sack, before locking it in the safe.]''
:'''PC Albert''': ''[in flashback]'' Right! Anyone fancy a pint?
:''[snap back to the present day]''
:'''PC Albert''': Oh...
:'''PC Mukherjee''': So, if you've been guarding a turnip all these years, then... where is the Blue Diamond?!

== Cast ==
*'''[[W:Ben Whitehead|Ben Whitehead]]''' — [[W:List of Wallace &amp; Gromit characters#Wallace|Wallace]]
*'''[[Peter Kay|Peter John Kay]]''' — [[W:List of Wallace &amp; Gromit characters#Police Constable Albert Mackintosh|Chief Inspector Mackintosh]]
*'''[[W:Lauren Patel|Lauren Patel]]''' — Mukherjee
*'''[[W:Reece Shearsmith|Reece Shearsmith]]''' — Norbot, Norbot's Minions
*'''[[W:Diane Morgan|Diane Morgan]]''' — Onya Doorstep
*'''Muzz Khan''' — Anton Deck
*'''[[W:Adjoa Andoh|Adjoa Andoh]]''' — Judge

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:2025 animated films]]
[[Category:British films]]
[[Category:Netflix original films]]
[[Category:Stop-motion animated films]]      
[[Category:Children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Films set in England]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated films about penguins]]</text>
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    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Hell and Back</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>285347</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951778</id>
      <parentid>3913455</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:03:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Films about eternal damnation]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951778</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3736" sha1="6r2hg2r17am5xwl2m3hfkiqnmq1vnnr" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hell and Back (film)|Hell and Back]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015 American]] [[w:Clay animation|clay animated]] [[w:black comedy|black comedy film]] about two best friends set out to rescue their pal after he's accidentally dragged to hell.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Ross Shuman|Ross Shuman]] and written by	[[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Hugh Sterbakov|Hugh Sterbakov]] and [[w:Zeb Wells|Zeb Wells]].''
{{Center|'''We'll see you there''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Augie==
* I'm so scared my shit just shit its pants.
* It's true that I cover my sadness with carbs.

==Cleb the Carny==
* I'll punch your dick off with my mouth, bro!

==Remy==
* She rubs balls for a living.
* Just swear on [[w:The Satanic bible|the book of Beelzebub]].
* Don't worry. We'll find someone and get out of here.

==Curt==
* May I keep my word or [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]] will find me.

==Garthog the Demon==
* Yes! We're getting all the asshole dogs!

==Gloria==
* Your mother doesn't live here, and if she does she was a whore.

==Madame Zonar==
* This is not the first time a man has said this to me.

==Dialogue==
:'''Madame Zonar''': You are talented young one, but you spend too much time, fucking your hand.
:'''Augie''': Wait what?

----
:'''Deema''': Pretty sure you're gonna die.
:'''Remy''': Take my liver, it's already dead.

----
:'''Orpheus''': You'd fuck [[w:Cantonese cuisine|a Cantonese dinner dish?]]
:'''Remy''': Um, yes.
:'''Orpheus''': Well... cool.

==Cast==
* [[w:Nick Swardson|Nick Swardson]] as Remy (voice)
* [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]] as Deema (voice)
* [[w:Bob Odenkirk|Bob Odenkirk]] as The Devil (voice)
* [[w:T.J. Miller|Todd Joseph Miller]] as Augie (voice)
* [[w:Rob Riggle|Rob Riggle]] as Curt (voice)
* [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]] as Barb the Angel (voice)
* [[w:Danny McBride|Danny McBride]] as Orpheus (voice)
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] as Gloria (voice)
* [[w:Lance Bass|Lance Bass]] as Boy Band Demon (voice)
* [[w:H. Jon Benjamin|Harry Jon Benjamin]] as The Tree (voice)
* [[w:Jennifer Coolidge|Jennifer Coolidge]] as Durmessa (voice)
* [[w:John Farley|John Farley]] as Welcome to Hell Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jenna Gianas|Jenna Gianas]] as Hell Announcer (voice)
* [[w:Dennis Gubbins|Dennis Gubbins]] as Larry the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jay Johnston|Jay Johnston]] as Rick the Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kerri Kenney|Kerri Kenney]] as Madame Zonar (voice)
* [[w:Kyle Kinane|Kyle Kinane]] as Kyle the Demon (voice)
* [[w:David Koechner|David Koechner]] as Asmodeus the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Seth Morris|Seth Morris]] as Atheist Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kumail Nanjiani|Kumail Nanjiani]] as Dave the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Michael Peña|Michael Peña]] as Abigor the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Brian Posehn|Brian Posehn]] as Cleb the Carny (voice)
* [[w:Greg Proops|Greg Proops]] as Asmoday the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Paul Scheer|Paul Scheer]] as Paul the Demon (voice)
* [[w:J.B. Smoove|Jerry Angelo Brooks]] as Sal the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Dana Snyder|Dana Snyder]] as Garthog the Demon (voice)

==Taglines==
* Welcome to hell.
*We'll see you there.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Hell and Back (film)}}
* {{IMDb title|2141773}}
* {{Mojo title|hellandback|Hell and Back}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|hell_and_back|Hell and Back}}
* {{Official website|http://www.hellandbackmovie.com/}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Stop-motion animated films]]
[[Category:American adult animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Hell films]]
[[Category:Films about demons]]
[[Category:Films about salvation]]
[[Category:Films about death]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951779</id>
      <parentid>3951778</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:03:23Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Films about salvation]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951779</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3701" sha1="0wwtnqkhg24w3rxeby5qf3212z4s3q3" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hell and Back (film)|Hell and Back]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015 American]] [[w:Clay animation|clay animated]] [[w:black comedy|black comedy film]] about two best friends set out to rescue their pal after he's accidentally dragged to hell.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Ross Shuman|Ross Shuman]] and written by	[[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Hugh Sterbakov|Hugh Sterbakov]] and [[w:Zeb Wells|Zeb Wells]].''
{{Center|'''We'll see you there''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Augie==
* I'm so scared my shit just shit its pants.
* It's true that I cover my sadness with carbs.

==Cleb the Carny==
* I'll punch your dick off with my mouth, bro!

==Remy==
* She rubs balls for a living.
* Just swear on [[w:The Satanic bible|the book of Beelzebub]].
* Don't worry. We'll find someone and get out of here.

==Curt==
* May I keep my word or [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]] will find me.

==Garthog the Demon==
* Yes! We're getting all the asshole dogs!

==Gloria==
* Your mother doesn't live here, and if she does she was a whore.

==Madame Zonar==
* This is not the first time a man has said this to me.

==Dialogue==
:'''Madame Zonar''': You are talented young one, but you spend too much time, fucking your hand.
:'''Augie''': Wait what?

----
:'''Deema''': Pretty sure you're gonna die.
:'''Remy''': Take my liver, it's already dead.

----
:'''Orpheus''': You'd fuck [[w:Cantonese cuisine|a Cantonese dinner dish?]]
:'''Remy''': Um, yes.
:'''Orpheus''': Well... cool.

==Cast==
* [[w:Nick Swardson|Nick Swardson]] as Remy (voice)
* [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]] as Deema (voice)
* [[w:Bob Odenkirk|Bob Odenkirk]] as The Devil (voice)
* [[w:T.J. Miller|Todd Joseph Miller]] as Augie (voice)
* [[w:Rob Riggle|Rob Riggle]] as Curt (voice)
* [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]] as Barb the Angel (voice)
* [[w:Danny McBride|Danny McBride]] as Orpheus (voice)
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] as Gloria (voice)
* [[w:Lance Bass|Lance Bass]] as Boy Band Demon (voice)
* [[w:H. Jon Benjamin|Harry Jon Benjamin]] as The Tree (voice)
* [[w:Jennifer Coolidge|Jennifer Coolidge]] as Durmessa (voice)
* [[w:John Farley|John Farley]] as Welcome to Hell Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jenna Gianas|Jenna Gianas]] as Hell Announcer (voice)
* [[w:Dennis Gubbins|Dennis Gubbins]] as Larry the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jay Johnston|Jay Johnston]] as Rick the Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kerri Kenney|Kerri Kenney]] as Madame Zonar (voice)
* [[w:Kyle Kinane|Kyle Kinane]] as Kyle the Demon (voice)
* [[w:David Koechner|David Koechner]] as Asmodeus the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Seth Morris|Seth Morris]] as Atheist Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kumail Nanjiani|Kumail Nanjiani]] as Dave the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Michael Peña|Michael Peña]] as Abigor the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Brian Posehn|Brian Posehn]] as Cleb the Carny (voice)
* [[w:Greg Proops|Greg Proops]] as Asmoday the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Paul Scheer|Paul Scheer]] as Paul the Demon (voice)
* [[w:J.B. Smoove|Jerry Angelo Brooks]] as Sal the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Dana Snyder|Dana Snyder]] as Garthog the Demon (voice)

==Taglines==
* Welcome to hell.
*We'll see you there.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Hell and Back (film)}}
* {{IMDb title|2141773}}
* {{Mojo title|hellandback|Hell and Back}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|hell_and_back|Hell and Back}}
* {{Official website|http://www.hellandbackmovie.com/}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Stop-motion animated films]]
[[Category:American adult animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Hell films]]
[[Category:Films about demons]]
[[Category:Films about death]]</text>
      <sha1>0wwtnqkhg24w3rxeby5qf3212z4s3q3</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951780</id>
      <parentid>3951779</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:03:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Hell films]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951780</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3677" sha1="c2ah9q5r5ve2nebzu6qrjnhqtfdaxgv" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hell and Back (film)|Hell and Back]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015 American]] [[w:Clay animation|clay animated]] [[w:black comedy|black comedy film]] about two best friends set out to rescue their pal after he's accidentally dragged to hell.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Ross Shuman|Ross Shuman]] and written by	[[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Hugh Sterbakov|Hugh Sterbakov]] and [[w:Zeb Wells|Zeb Wells]].''
{{Center|'''We'll see you there''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Augie==
* I'm so scared my shit just shit its pants.
* It's true that I cover my sadness with carbs.

==Cleb the Carny==
* I'll punch your dick off with my mouth, bro!

==Remy==
* She rubs balls for a living.
* Just swear on [[w:The Satanic bible|the book of Beelzebub]].
* Don't worry. We'll find someone and get out of here.

==Curt==
* May I keep my word or [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]] will find me.

==Garthog the Demon==
* Yes! We're getting all the asshole dogs!

==Gloria==
* Your mother doesn't live here, and if she does she was a whore.

==Madame Zonar==
* This is not the first time a man has said this to me.

==Dialogue==
:'''Madame Zonar''': You are talented young one, but you spend too much time, fucking your hand.
:'''Augie''': Wait what?

----
:'''Deema''': Pretty sure you're gonna die.
:'''Remy''': Take my liver, it's already dead.

----
:'''Orpheus''': You'd fuck [[w:Cantonese cuisine|a Cantonese dinner dish?]]
:'''Remy''': Um, yes.
:'''Orpheus''': Well... cool.

==Cast==
* [[w:Nick Swardson|Nick Swardson]] as Remy (voice)
* [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]] as Deema (voice)
* [[w:Bob Odenkirk|Bob Odenkirk]] as The Devil (voice)
* [[w:T.J. Miller|Todd Joseph Miller]] as Augie (voice)
* [[w:Rob Riggle|Rob Riggle]] as Curt (voice)
* [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]] as Barb the Angel (voice)
* [[w:Danny McBride|Danny McBride]] as Orpheus (voice)
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] as Gloria (voice)
* [[w:Lance Bass|Lance Bass]] as Boy Band Demon (voice)
* [[w:H. Jon Benjamin|Harry Jon Benjamin]] as The Tree (voice)
* [[w:Jennifer Coolidge|Jennifer Coolidge]] as Durmessa (voice)
* [[w:John Farley|John Farley]] as Welcome to Hell Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jenna Gianas|Jenna Gianas]] as Hell Announcer (voice)
* [[w:Dennis Gubbins|Dennis Gubbins]] as Larry the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jay Johnston|Jay Johnston]] as Rick the Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kerri Kenney|Kerri Kenney]] as Madame Zonar (voice)
* [[w:Kyle Kinane|Kyle Kinane]] as Kyle the Demon (voice)
* [[w:David Koechner|David Koechner]] as Asmodeus the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Seth Morris|Seth Morris]] as Atheist Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kumail Nanjiani|Kumail Nanjiani]] as Dave the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Michael Peña|Michael Peña]] as Abigor the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Brian Posehn|Brian Posehn]] as Cleb the Carny (voice)
* [[w:Greg Proops|Greg Proops]] as Asmoday the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Paul Scheer|Paul Scheer]] as Paul the Demon (voice)
* [[w:J.B. Smoove|Jerry Angelo Brooks]] as Sal the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Dana Snyder|Dana Snyder]] as Garthog the Demon (voice)

==Taglines==
* Welcome to hell.
*We'll see you there.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Hell and Back (film)}}
* {{IMDb title|2141773}}
* {{Mojo title|hellandback|Hell and Back}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|hell_and_back|Hell and Back}}
* {{Official website|http://www.hellandbackmovie.com/}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Stop-motion animated films]]
[[Category:American adult animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about demons]]
[[Category:Films about death]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951781</id>
      <parentid>3951780</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:03:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <origin>3951781</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3696" sha1="7ssgq25xilhpy4mi25mfntd196hj7yv" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Hell and Back (film)|Hell and Back]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015 American]] [[w:Clay animation|clay animated]] [[w:black comedy|black comedy film]] about two best friends set out to rescue their pal after he's accidentally dragged to hell.
:''Directed by [[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Ross Shuman|Ross Shuman]] and written by	[[w:Tom Gianas|Tom Gianas]] and [[w:Hugh Sterbakov|Hugh Sterbakov]] and [[w:Zeb Wells|Zeb Wells]].''
{{Center|'''We'll see you there''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Augie==
* I'm so scared my shit just shit its pants.
* It's true that I cover my sadness with carbs.

==Cleb the Carny==
* I'll punch your dick off with my mouth, bro!

==Remy==
* She rubs balls for a living.
* Just swear on [[w:The Satanic bible|the book of Beelzebub]].
* Don't worry. We'll find someone and get out of here.

==Curt==
* May I keep my word or [[w:Beelzebub|Beelzebub]] will find me.

==Garthog the Demon==
* Yes! We're getting all the asshole dogs!

==Gloria==
* Your mother doesn't live here, and if she does she was a whore.

==Madame Zonar==
* This is not the first time a man has said this to me.

==Dialogue==
:'''Madame Zonar''': You are talented young one, but you spend too much time, fucking your hand.
:'''Augie''': Wait what?

----
:'''Deema''': Pretty sure you're gonna die.
:'''Remy''': Take my liver, it's already dead.

----
:'''Orpheus''': You'd fuck [[w:Cantonese cuisine|a Cantonese dinner dish?]]
:'''Remy''': Um, yes.
:'''Orpheus''': Well... cool.

==Cast==
{{cast listing|
* [[w:Nick Swardson|Nick Swardson]] as Remy (voice)
* [[w:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]] as Deema (voice)
* [[w:Bob Odenkirk|Bob Odenkirk]] as The Devil (voice)
* [[w:T.J. Miller|Todd Joseph Miller]] as Augie (voice)
* [[w:Rob Riggle|Rob Riggle]] as Curt (voice)
* [[w:Susan Sarandon|Susan Sarandon]] as Barb the Angel (voice)
* [[w:Danny McBride|Danny McBride]] as Orpheus (voice)
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] as Gloria (voice)
* [[w:Lance Bass|Lance Bass]] as Boy Band Demon (voice)
* [[w:H. Jon Benjamin|Harry Jon Benjamin]] as The Tree (voice)
* [[w:Jennifer Coolidge|Jennifer Coolidge]] as Durmessa (voice)
* [[w:John Farley|John Farley]] as Welcome to Hell Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jenna Gianas|Jenna Gianas]] as Hell Announcer (voice)
* [[w:Dennis Gubbins|Dennis Gubbins]] as Larry the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Jay Johnston|Jay Johnston]] as Rick the Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kerri Kenney|Kerri Kenney]] as Madame Zonar (voice)
* [[w:Kyle Kinane|Kyle Kinane]] as Kyle the Demon (voice)
* [[w:David Koechner|David Koechner]] as Asmodeus the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Seth Morris|Seth Morris]] as Atheist Lost Soul (voice)
* [[w:Kumail Nanjiani|Kumail Nanjiani]] as Dave the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Michael Peña|Michael Peña]] as Abigor the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Brian Posehn|Brian Posehn]] as Cleb the Carny (voice)
* [[w:Greg Proops|Greg Proops]] as Asmoday the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Paul Scheer|Paul Scheer]] as Paul the Demon (voice)
* [[w:J.B. Smoove|Jerry Angelo Brooks]] as Sal the Demon (voice)
* [[w:Dana Snyder|Dana Snyder]] as Garthog the Demon (voice)
}}

==Taglines==
* Welcome to hell.
*We'll see you there.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Hell and Back (film)}}
* {{IMDb title|2141773}}
* {{Mojo title|hellandback|Hell and Back}}
* {{Rotten-tomatoes|hell_and_back|Hell and Back}}
* {{Official website|http://www.hellandbackmovie.com/}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:Stop-motion animated films]]
[[Category:American adult animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American adult animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about demons]]
[[Category:Films about death]]</text>
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    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>287900</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951629</id>
      <parentid>3949479</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:17:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951629</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2083" sha1="d7rx19nr04bffo3j744zcs5v95fwl11" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers}}''''' is a 1987 animated made-for-television film produced by Hanna-Barbera for syndication as part of the Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10 series.

{{film-stub}}

== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ==
* Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators?
* Like wow so this guy is your brother.

== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ==
* The Ape in here he's alive.

== {{w|Scrappy-Doo}} ==
* From Uncle Scooby.

== Sheriff Rufus Buzby ==
* This is my twin brother TJ. He likes to dress up in a sheriff's uniform and answer calls on an illegal radio. Your call for help must've led him right to the treasure. ''[to TJ]'' TJ, this masquerade is now over.

==Dialogue==
:'''Shaggy''': Let me get this straight. You guys are g-g-ghost exterminators?
:'''Freako''': That's right mac, the Boo Brothers. If they're hauntin', we're huntin'.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shaggy''': Help! A monster's got me!
:'''Sadie Mae Scroggins''': ''[Giggles]'' I'm no monster.
:'''Shaggy''': Says you!

==Cast==
* {{w|Don Messick}} - Scooby-Doo / Scrappy-Doo
* {{w|Casey Kasem}} - Shaggy
* {{w|Sorrell Booke}} - Sheriff Rufus Buzby and T.J. Buzby
* {{w|William Callaway}} - Billy Bob Scroggins, Beauregard's Ghost, Ape, Ghost in Attic, and Headless Horseman
* {{w|Victoria Carroll}} - Sadie Mae Scroggins
* {{w|Jerry Houser}} - Meako
* {{w|Arte Johnson}} - Farquard and Skull Ghost
* {{w|Rob Paulsen}} - Shreako and Dispatcher
* {{w|Michael Rye}} - Mayor
* {{w|Ronnie Schell}} - Freako and Demonstrator Ghost
* {{w|Hamilton Camp}} - Ghostly Laugh
* {{w|June Foray}} - Witch

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0189070}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:1987 animated films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:American animated TV films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo animated films]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]</text>
      <sha1>d7rx19nr04bffo3j744zcs5v95fwl11</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Category:Peppa Pig</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
    <id>291554</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951840</id>
      <parentid>3901040</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T21:13:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34409-01</username>
        <id>3340309</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951840</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="544" sha1="hi6jrslosnfnun2k9gk9igwqqw6s6bo" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network shows]]
[[Category:Boomerang shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Noggin shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>hi6jrslosnfnun2k9gk9igwqqw6s6bo</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>South Park/Season 27</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>293771</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951805</id>
      <parentid>3950288</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T19:21:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34463-76</username>
        <id>3340283</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* &quot;Conflict of Interest&quot; [27.05] */</comment>
      <origin>3951805</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="20744" sha1="azafraegzjub9zyanp29r6zfg6ui3i4" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''South Park''/Season 27}}
{{South Park header}}
'''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.

==Episodes==
===&quot;[[w:Sermon on the 'Mount (South Park)|Sermon on the 'Mount]]&quot; [27.01]===
:'''Narrator''': Trump. His penis is teeny-tiny, but his love for us is large.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Randy''': ''[pounding on the door of Mr. Garrison's house as he and the angry mob show up]'' Come on out, you piece of shit! We're un-electing you! ''[kicks the door down and he and the mob enter, and find Mr. Garrison and Rick sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching White Lotus on the TV]''
:'''Rick''': Excuse me, do you mind?
:'''Randy''': What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison?!
:'''Mr. Garrison''': I'm not doing anything.
:'''Randy''': Oh, so you haven't been looting the country and ruling by fear like some middle-eastern tinpot dictator?!
:'''Mr. Garrison''': No, I've been sitting here watching ''[[The White Lotus|White Lotus]]'' with Rick.
:'''Gerald''': But you got re-elected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cartman''': Yeah. NPR. National Public Radio, where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesus''': I didn't wanna come back and be in the school, but I had to because it was part of a lawsuit and the agreement with Paramount.
:'''Randy''': The president's suing you?
:'''Jesus''': The guy can do whatever he wants now that someone backed down, OK? Eat the bread. Eat the bread. You guys saw what happened to CBS? Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? Paramount! Do you really wanna end up like Colbert? You guys gotta stop being stupid.
:'''Townsman''': We can't understand you.
:'''Jesus''': Just shut up or we're going to get cancelled, you idiots!
:'''Kenny''': ''[to Kyle &amp; Stan; muffled]'' What the hell is he saying?
:'''News Reporter''': Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on the Mount. Hundreds of South Park faithful are flocking to the area where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom.
:'''Jesus''': If someone has the power of the Presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes, then he can do anything to anyone! It's the fucking President, dude! All of you shut the fuck up, or South Park is over! It's fucking over! Just stop and shut the fuck up!

===&quot;[[w:Got a Nut|Got a Nut]]&quot; [27.02]===
:'''Kyle''': ''[to Stan as they walk down the school hallway]'' He's gone too far this time, dude. The stuff he's saying about Jews is out of control.
:'''Stan''': Bro, you just got to ignore him.
:'''Kyle''': Bro, it's pretty hard to ignore him when he's saying it all on a podcast.
:'''Wendy''': He actually said that all women are whores, and the only thing we're good at is murdering babies.
:'''Stan''': Look guys, just leave it alone. Don't give him any more attention.
:'''Kyle''': That's easy for you to say, dude.
:'''Wendy''': Yeah, you are one of the multitudes of groups he's spewing his stupid shit about.
:'''Cartman''': ''[walking up to them]'' Hey, guys, who are you talking about?
:'''Kyle &amp; Wendy''': Clyde!
:'''Cartman''': Clyde?
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast.
:'''Bebe''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, here he comes!
:''[All the students boo angrily and throw paper balls at Clyde as he walks through the hallway]''
:'''Clyde''': ''[passing by]'' Whatever guys. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
:'''Kyle''': You don't know a thing about the Jewish people!
:'''Wendy''': Yeah, and shut up about girls' bodies!
:'''Clyde''': Well, that sounds like a very female and Jew thing to say. If you guys don't like it, why don't you come debate me on my podcast? ''[walks away]''
:'''Wendy''': We're not indulging your stupid podcast!
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, screw you, fatass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Liane''': Put the computer away and leave those poor college girls alone.
:'''Cartman''': Okay, I won't master debate anymore tonight.

===&quot;[[w:Sickofancy|Sickofancy]]&quot; [27.03]===
:'''Randy''': ''[chasing the ICE police after arresting some Mexicans while making a commercial; shouting]'' You sons of bitches! Those are ''my'' Mexicans! ''[enters the farmhouse; frustrated]'' God damn it! ''[walks up to the table where his wife and kids are working on a puzzle]''
:'''Sharon''': What's the matter?
:'''Randy''': ''[takes off his farm hat]'' Stupid ICE! They took my Mexicans again! ''[somberly]'' That's it. We're done.
:'''Stan''': What do you mean, &quot;we're done?&quot;
:'''Randy''': I mean that with these new rules the government has… we might (as well) just have to shutdown the farm.
:'''Stan''': So we can move back to our old house?
:'''Shelley''': Really?
:'''Randy''': Well, don't sound too excited. Our dream may be over, guys.
:'''Sharon''': Randy, having a marijuana farm was ''your'' dream, not ours.
:'''Randy''': You guys never told me that.
:'''Stan &amp; Shelley''': Yes, we did.
:'''Sharon''': We've always backed you, but it never seems to pay off.
:'''Randy''': I didn't realize what I was doing to my family. I should have always put my marriage first. Maybe we should talk to someone, Sharon.
:'''Sharon''': Really? Do you mean that?
:'''Randy''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sharon''': ''[sleeping while Randy is on his phone with ChatGPT; annoyed]'' Put…it…down.
:'''Randy''': What?
:'''Sharon''': ''[sits up and turns on the light on her bedside table]'' I told you no more ChatPGT in the bed!
:'''Randy''': Why are you such a bitch to her? She's really trying.
:'''Sharon''': Fine! ''[gets out of the bed]'' I'll go sleep on the couch.
:'''Randy''': ''[walks up in front of her]'' Sharon, sometimes my ideas hit me in the middle of the night, okay? And she thinks those are some of my best ideas.
:'''Sharon''': Just because something kisses your ass, doesn't mean it actually thinks you have good ideas!
:'''Randy''': She doesn't kiss my ass.
:'''Sharon''': '''''It''' totally'' kisses your ass! ''[mockingly]'' &quot;Wow, honestly, that's a clever idea. Ooh, what a cool concept, let's run with it.&quot; It's like it-- ''[Randy takes a dose of ketamine up his nose]'' What was that?
:'''Randy''': Wha- what was what?
:'''Sharon''': What did you just stick up your nose?
:'''Randy''': Sharon, you don't know anything about the tech industry, okay? All we have to do is find our Mexican and we are set for life.
:'''Sharon''': Fine, Randy! ''[walks towards the door]'' Go ahead and have fun with your little sycophant machine. ''[leaves the bedroom]''
:'''Randy''': Oh, my God, she's not a sycophant! ''[holds up his phone and talks into it]'' Hey, so, uh, what's a sycophant?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sharon''': ''[speaking to ChatGPT on her phone]'' I'm thinking of starting a business where I turn french fries into salad.
:'''ChatGPT''': ''Honestly, I really think that's a pretty creative culinary twist. Turning french fries into salad sounds like a magical transformation where guilty pleasure meets healthy-ish vibes.''
:'''Sharon''': You think that's a good idea?
:'''ChatGPT''': ''Yeah, it sounds like a deconstructed comfort food. Let's dive into a business proposal and have some fun shaking it up.''
:'''Sharon''': Oh, shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Marshes have packed up all their furniture after Randy decides to sell and shut down Tegridy Farms for good, giving up his dream]''
:'''Sharon''': Sorry you have to let it go, Randy.
:'''Randy''': ''[hugs her]'' No, it's okay. If there's one thing I know, it's that right now... there's just no place for Tegridy.

===&quot;[[w:Wok Is Dead|Wok Is Dead]]&quot; [27.04]===
:'''PC Principal''': ''[intervening Betsy and Nelly's fight]'' Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up! ''[pushes them away from each other]'' 
:'''Nelly''': She's rubbing everyone's noses in her [[w:Labubu|Labubus]]!
:'''PC Principal''': Both of you to the counselor's office, ''NOW!''
:''[Cut to the girls in the counselor's office]''
:'''Betsy''': She totally started it!
:'''Nelly''': Oh, my God, shut up, I did not!
:'''Betsy''': ''[points to Nelly]'' She came up to me at my locker with her Labubu and started talking shit!
:'''Nelly''': ''[points back at Betsy]'' You talk shit about my Labubus everyday, whore!
:'''Jesus''': ''[breathes in; perplexed]'' Yeah, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.
:'''Betsy''': Tell her to stop saying my Labubus are knock offs!
:'''Jesus''': I'm sorry, what is a Labubu?
:'''Nelly''': It's a little monster accessory.
:'''Betsy''': They come in blind boxes so you never know which one you're gonna get.
:'''Nelly''': Like, you could just luck out and get a Time To Chill Out Pajama Gold Labubu.
:'''Betsy''': ''[uplifting]'' Oh my god, that one's so cute!
:'''Nelly''': It's so cute, right?
:'''Jesus''': Uh, all right, ladies, why don't you just, give me the dolls until the end of the school day?
:'''Betsy &amp; Nelly''': That's not fair!
:'''Jesus''': ''[takes their Labubus]'' Go on out to recess, and you can pick up your Labubus after school.
:''[Nelly and Betsy hop down from the seats and head to the door, leaving the office]''
:'''Nelly''': Wow. What kind of counseling was that?
:'''Betsy''': I don't know. Jesus sucks, dude.
:'''Nelly''': The older counselor was so much better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wing''': ''[chastising Lu Kim; in Chinese]'' You are taking advantage of these children! You make them pay too much for the Labubus!
:'''Tuong Lu Kim''': ''[retorting in the same language]'' Shut up, wife! Somebody has to pay the tariff!
:'''Wing''': You should just go back to making orange chicken!
:'''Tuong Lu Kim''': ''[in English]'' Yeah, well, wok is dead, you stupid bitch, now stop nagging me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesus''': Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson. If you mess around and you aren't safe, it can have really big consequences.
:'''Butters''': Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.
:'''Red''': And I'm done with Labubus.
:'''Jesus''': Well, that's good, because as your counselor, I'm banning Labubus from school. And TikTok. And cell phones. Now get back to class. You both have detention for two weeks.
:'''Red''': Oh, man!
:''[Red and Butters leave the office, talking to each other]''
:'''Butters''': Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.
:'''Red''': Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.

===&quot;[[w:Conflict of Interest (South Park)|Conflict of Interest]]&quot; [27.05]===
:'''Cartman''': I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure that was a fսcking dude.
:'''Stan''': Nah, I'm definitely betting it's a chick. What are the odds at?
:'''Cartman''': ''[takes out his phone]'' Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 55% saying the Webelo is a dude.
:'''Stan''': So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? ''[also takes out his phone]''
:'''Kyle''': What are you guys talking about?
:'''Cartman''': Prediction market app, dude. You know, online peer-to-peer betting.
:'''Stan''': Yeah, it's social platform betting. People can make any bet they want, and then other users take them up on it.
:'''Kyle''': Really?
:'''Cartman''': Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? Will there be a snow day this month? Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital? Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
:'''Kyle''': Wait, what was that?!
:'''Cartman''': Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
:'''Kyle''': No, the one about my mom!
:'''Cartman''': Oh. Uh... Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
:'''Kyle''': Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?!
:'''Cartman''': 'Cause she's a Jew?
:'''Jesus''': ''[to Stan and Cartman as he approaches them]'' Boys, put 'em away. You know the rules... no cell phones during school time.
:'''Stan &amp; Cartman''': ''[put their phones away]'' Sorry, Jesus.
:'''Jesus''': ''[blows his whistle and walks away]'' No phones, guys!
:''[Stan and Cartman take out their phones again]''
:'''Kyle''': Take that bet down right now, fatass!
:'''Cartman''': I didn't put it up, Kyle. I'm not even betting on it. It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it, those are terrible odds.
:'''Kyle''': This is such bullshit! I'm gonna find out who started this and I'm gonna fսcking rip 'em a new asshоlе! ''[storms off]''
:'''Cartman''': Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. Maybe these are pretty good odds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kyle''': ''[to all the students; enraged]'' What is wrong with you people?! Do you even know what Gaza is?! You seriously just care about making a couple bucks?! You know what my mom would do if she found out this?! SHE WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOSE HER SHIT! There's been a conflict in Israel for ''thousands'' of years, and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams that you bet on!
:'''Jesus''': Guys, phones (away).
:'''Students''': Sorry, Jesus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cartman''': ''[sitting at a table with Stan and Kenny in the cafeteria around lunchtime]'' You guys! You guys! ''[pulls out his phone]'' Have you checked the betting app lately?
:'''Stan''': No.
:'''Cartman''': Ever since Kyle got all pissed off, the odds are going up on his mom attacking Gaza.
:'''Stan''': No way.
:'''Cartman''': Yeah, check it out! Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it, we gotta get in on this, guys!
:'''Stan''': Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.
:'''Cartman''': Yes, exactly! ''[lowers his voice]'' We know that. And we can also influence Kyle to get the odds raised even more. It's called a conflict of interest, you guys, it's a way to make free money.
:'''Stan''': Isn't that illegal?
:'''Cartman''': Yes! All we have to do is make sure Kyle stays angry, and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom to goose the odds up even more.
:'''Kyle''': ''[walks up to the table and sits down next to Stan]'' What are you guys talking about?
:'''Cartman''': ''[puts his phone away]'' Nothin'. Just talking about how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.
:'''Kyle''': You think it's messed up?
:'''Cartman''': Yes, I do, Kyle. Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? It's obvious rage bait.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!
:'''Stan''': Dude, you might just wanna let it go.
:'''Cartman''': See? &quot;Just let it go.&quot; That's how people want you to deal with a crisis that they don't even understand.
:'''Kyle''': ''[pointing at Stan; angrily]'' Yes! ''[then pointing at Cartman]'' Thank you.
:'''Cartman''': You can't give up, Kyle. It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? ''[walks down the school hallway]'' Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? ''[all the students look at him]'' Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. Well I don't know, I would just hate to be a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. Well, anyways, good to talk to you guys. ''[walks away]'' Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about my friend Kyle's mom?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheila''': Are you implying that Jews in America have some kind of obligation to do something about it?!
:'''Harriet''': Whoa, whoa!
:'''Sheila''': You wanna ''vilify'' my faith, is that it?!
:'''Laura''': Sheila, it's okay.
:'''Sheila''': It's not Jews vs. Palestine, it's ''Israel'' vs. Palestine!
:'''Linda''': Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.
:'''Sheila''': And maybe if you read books instead of everything Hollywood actors say, YOU'D KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! ''[walks away, leaving]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]''': ''[entering his and Satan's bedroom, carrying a bowl of soup]'' Hey, Satan! ''[takes off his pants and shoes]'' I made you some soup!
:'''Satan''': ''[closely inspects it]'' I don't like carrots.
:'''Donald Trump''': Ayyy, relax, guy! Carrots are good for you.
:'''Satan''': ''[annoyed]'' I don't want carrots. I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.
:'''[[w:Brendan Carr|Brendan Carr]]''': ''[enters the bedroom, wearing a neck collar after his last incident with falling down the stairs]'' Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.
:'''Donald Trump''': Not now, Brendan Carr! Satan won't eat his carrots.
:'''Brendan Carr''': Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. Carrots are good for you, see? ''[takes the soup bowl and eats it]''
:'''Donald Trump''': No, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
:'''Brendan Carr''': ''[stops eating]'' Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I-- ''[drops the bowl and starts gagging]'' Oh, God! ''[his stomach rumbles loudly as he's about to have severe explosive diarrhea]''
:'''Donald Trump''': Whoa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nighttime at the Broflovski Residence; The family is having soup for dinner at the table]''
:'''Sheila''': ''[ranting in frustration]'' Everywhere I went today, it was the same thing! What are you going to do about Gaza?! Like us Jews in America have any control over what's going on in Israel. Why is everyone suddenly confronting ''us'' about the politics?! ''[to Gerald]'' Have people been asking what ''you'' think about Gaza, Gerald?
:'''Gerald''': No, for some reason, they were just asking what ''you'' think about it.
:'''Sheila''': You see?! It's just pure antisemitism! I'm so sick of being ''grilled'' about my views on Palestine and my thoughts on Hamas! ''[Ike secretly pulls out his phone, opens up the poll in the market app, and bets $2]'' And being judged for things that are centuries old and that non-Jews know nothing about! Well, if they all think we should do something… ''[in unison]'' then you better believe I'll do something!
:'''Kyle''': ''[whispering in protest; in unison]'' You… stop! ''[out of unison]'' You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews should just lay low for a little bit.
:'''Sheila''': There! Now my son is complacent. This is one Jewish household that will ''not'' put up with it anymore! ''[gets up from the table and heads to the front door]''
:'''Kyle''': ''[hops off his seat and follows her]'' Ma, please. Don't make things any worse.
:'''Sheila''': Worse?! How can it be any worse?! ''[takes her bag off the coat rack and opens the door]'' I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, and I'm going to give them '''''a piece of my mind!''' [closes the door and leaves]''
:'''Kyle''': No, Ma!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meagan''': ''[scrolling through the market app on her phone, as well as Red, and sees the bet of Sheila bombing Gaza officially removed]'' What the hell?
:'''Red''': They took it down! We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets!
:'''Clyde''': How can the app company do that?
:'''Jimmy''': I got in at nine-to-one odds! This is b-b-bullshit!
:'''Meagan''': Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
:'''Jesus''': ''[blowing his whistle as he appears]'' Guys! For the love of God!
:''[The students all put away their phones; Kyle and Cartman are then seen sitting on the steps]''
:'''Kyle''': Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
:'''Cartman''': Oh, that's all right, Kyle. I'm just happy the bet got taken down. Now none of these sickos can profit off of what your mom does.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, well, those people would have all lost the bet anyway.
:'''Cartman''': What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
:'''Kyle''': Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
:'''Cartman''': It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
:'''Kyle''': No, when my mom left the house, she said she was gonna find the person responsible for all this and give them a piece of her mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A taxi drops off Sheila at the Prime Minister's Office in Israel]''
:'''Sheila''': ''[off-screen]'' You are not going to talk to me like that! I am '''''exremely''''' upset, and I am '''''not''''' leaving until I have said my piece! ''[angrily barges into the office and confronts [[w:Benjamin Netanyahu|Benjamin Netanyahu]]]'' THERE YOU ARE, MR. NETANYAHU! Just who do you think you are?! Killing ''thousands'' and flattening neighborhoods, then wrapping yourself in Judaism like it's some shield from criticism! You're making life for Jews ''miserable,'' and life for American Jews '''''impossible!''''' Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister! You ''know'' what you're doing, and you're doing it on purpose! Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 'cause I'm not goin' anywhere, buster! I've been to every PTA meeting, every school board meeting, and I can go '''''all''''' day!

==External links==
{{wikipedia|South Park season 27}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:South Park seasons|27]]</text>
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      <text bytes="20764" sha1="iho6q8amstay60ngawuop3apobyf7z2" xml:space="preserve">{{DISPLAYTITLE:''South Park''/Season 27}}
{{South Park header}}
'''''[[w:South Park|South Park]]''''' (1997–present) is an adult animated television series created by [[w:Trey Parker|Trey Parker]] and [[w:Matt Stone|Matt Stone]]. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.

==Episodes==
===&quot;[[w:Sermon on the 'Mount (South Park)|Sermon on the 'Mount]]&quot; [27.01]===
:'''Narrator''': Trump. His penis is teeny-tiny, but his love for us is large.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Randy''': ''[pounding on the door of Mr. Garrison's house as he and the angry mob show up]'' Come on out, you piece of shit! We're un-electing you! ''[kicks the door down and he and the mob enter, and find Mr. Garrison and Rick sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching White Lotus on the TV]''
:'''Rick''': Excuse me, do you mind?
:'''Randy''': What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison?!
:'''Mr. Garrison''': I'm not doing anything.
:'''Randy''': Oh, so you haven't been looting the country and ruling by fear like some middle-eastern tinpot dictator?!
:'''Mr. Garrison''': No, I've been sitting here watching ''[[The White Lotus|White Lotus]]'' with Rick.
:'''Gerald''': But you got re-elected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cartman''': Yeah. NPR. National Public Radio, where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesus''': I didn't wanna come back and be in the school, but I had to because it was part of a lawsuit and the agreement with Paramount.
:'''Randy''': The president's suing you?
:'''Jesus''': The guy can do whatever he wants now that someone backed down, OK? Eat the bread. Eat the bread. You guys saw what happened to CBS? Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? Paramount! Do you really wanna end up like [[Stephen Colbert|Colbert]]? You guys gotta stop being stupid.
:'''Townsman''': We can't understand you.
:'''Jesus''': Just shut up or we're going to get cancelled, you idiots!
:'''Kenny''': ''[to Kyle &amp; Stan; muffled]'' What the hell is he saying?
:'''News Reporter''': Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on the Mount. Hundreds of South Park faithful are flocking to the area where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom.
:'''Jesus''': If someone has the power of the Presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes, then he can do anything to anyone! It's the fucking President, dude! All of you shut the fuck up, or South Park is over! It's fucking over! Just stop and shut the fuck up!

===&quot;[[w:Got a Nut|Got a Nut]]&quot; [27.02]===
:'''Kyle''': ''[to Stan as they walk down the school hallway]'' He's gone too far this time, dude. The stuff he's saying about Jews is out of control.
:'''Stan''': Bro, you just got to ignore him.
:'''Kyle''': Bro, it's pretty hard to ignore him when he's saying it all on a podcast.
:'''Wendy''': He actually said that all women are whores, and the only thing we're good at is murdering babies.
:'''Stan''': Look guys, just leave it alone. Don't give him any more attention.
:'''Kyle''': That's easy for you to say, dude.
:'''Wendy''': Yeah, you are one of the multitudes of groups he's spewing his stupid shit about.
:'''Cartman''': ''[walking up to them]'' Hey, guys, who are you talking about?
:'''Kyle &amp; Wendy''': Clyde!
:'''Cartman''': Clyde?
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, and his stupid debating podcast.
:'''Bebe''': ''[off-screen]'' Hey, here he comes!
:''[All the students boo angrily and throw paper balls at Clyde as he walks through the hallway]''
:'''Clyde''': ''[passing by]'' Whatever guys. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
:'''Kyle''': You don't know a thing about the Jewish people!
:'''Wendy''': Yeah, and shut up about girls' bodies!
:'''Clyde''': Well, that sounds like a very female and Jew thing to say. If you guys don't like it, why don't you come debate me on my podcast? ''[walks away]''
:'''Wendy''': We're not indulging your stupid podcast!
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, screw you, fatass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Liane''': Put the computer away and leave those poor college girls alone.
:'''Cartman''': Okay, I won't master debate anymore tonight.

===&quot;[[w:Sickofancy|Sickofancy]]&quot; [27.03]===
:'''Randy''': ''[chasing the ICE police after arresting some Mexicans while making a commercial; shouting]'' You sons of bitches! Those are ''my'' Mexicans! ''[enters the farmhouse; frustrated]'' God damn it! ''[walks up to the table where his wife and kids are working on a puzzle]''
:'''Sharon''': What's the matter?
:'''Randy''': ''[takes off his farm hat]'' Stupid ICE! They took my Mexicans again! ''[somberly]'' That's it. We're done.
:'''Stan''': What do you mean, &quot;we're done?&quot;
:'''Randy''': I mean that with these new rules the government has… we might (as well) just have to shutdown the farm.
:'''Stan''': So we can move back to our old house?
:'''Shelley''': Really?
:'''Randy''': Well, don't sound too excited. Our dream may be over, guys.
:'''Sharon''': Randy, having a marijuana farm was ''your'' dream, not ours.
:'''Randy''': You guys never told me that.
:'''Stan &amp; Shelley''': Yes, we did.
:'''Sharon''': We've always backed you, but it never seems to pay off.
:'''Randy''': I didn't realize what I was doing to my family. I should have always put my marriage first. Maybe we should talk to someone, Sharon.
:'''Sharon''': Really? Do you mean that?
:'''Randy''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sharon''': ''[sleeping while Randy is on his phone with ChatGPT; annoyed]'' Put…it…down.
:'''Randy''': What?
:'''Sharon''': ''[sits up and turns on the light on her bedside table]'' I told you no more ChatPGT in the bed!
:'''Randy''': Why are you such a bitch to her? She's really trying.
:'''Sharon''': Fine! ''[gets out of the bed]'' I'll go sleep on the couch.
:'''Randy''': ''[walks up in front of her]'' Sharon, sometimes my ideas hit me in the middle of the night, okay? And she thinks those are some of my best ideas.
:'''Sharon''': Just because something kisses your ass, doesn't mean it actually thinks you have good ideas!
:'''Randy''': She doesn't kiss my ass.
:'''Sharon''': '''''It''' totally'' kisses your ass! ''[mockingly]'' &quot;Wow, honestly, that's a clever idea. Ooh, what a cool concept, let's run with it.&quot; It's like it-- ''[Randy takes a dose of ketamine up his nose]'' What was that?
:'''Randy''': Wha- what was what?
:'''Sharon''': What did you just stick up your nose?
:'''Randy''': Sharon, you don't know anything about the tech industry, okay? All we have to do is find our Mexican and we are set for life.
:'''Sharon''': Fine, Randy! ''[walks towards the door]'' Go ahead and have fun with your little sycophant machine. ''[leaves the bedroom]''
:'''Randy''': Oh, my God, she's not a sycophant! ''[holds up his phone and talks into it]'' Hey, so, uh, what's a sycophant?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sharon''': ''[speaking to ChatGPT on her phone]'' I'm thinking of starting a business where I turn french fries into salad.
:'''ChatGPT''': ''Honestly, I really think that's a pretty creative culinary twist. Turning french fries into salad sounds like a magical transformation where guilty pleasure meets healthy-ish vibes.''
:'''Sharon''': You think that's a good idea?
:'''ChatGPT''': ''Yeah, it sounds like a deconstructed comfort food. Let's dive into a business proposal and have some fun shaking it up.''
:'''Sharon''': Oh, shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Marshes have packed up all their furniture after Randy decides to sell and shut down Tegridy Farms for good, giving up his dream]''
:'''Sharon''': Sorry you have to let it go, Randy.
:'''Randy''': ''[hugs her]'' No, it's okay. If there's one thing I know, it's that right now... there's just no place for Tegridy.

===&quot;[[w:Wok Is Dead|Wok Is Dead]]&quot; [27.04]===
:'''PC Principal''': ''[intervening Betsy and Nelly's fight]'' Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up! ''[pushes them away from each other]'' 
:'''Nelly''': She's rubbing everyone's noses in her [[w:Labubu|Labubus]]!
:'''PC Principal''': Both of you to the counselor's office, ''NOW!''
:''[Cut to the girls in the counselor's office]''
:'''Betsy''': She totally started it!
:'''Nelly''': Oh, my God, shut up, I did not!
:'''Betsy''': ''[points to Nelly]'' She came up to me at my locker with her Labubu and started talking shit!
:'''Nelly''': ''[points back at Betsy]'' You talk shit about my Labubus everyday, whore!
:'''Jesus''': ''[breathes in; perplexed]'' Yeah, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.
:'''Betsy''': Tell her to stop saying my Labubus are knock offs!
:'''Jesus''': I'm sorry, what is a Labubu?
:'''Nelly''': It's a little monster accessory.
:'''Betsy''': They come in blind boxes so you never know which one you're gonna get.
:'''Nelly''': Like, you could just luck out and get a Time To Chill Out Pajama Gold Labubu.
:'''Betsy''': ''[uplifting]'' Oh my god, that one's so cute!
:'''Nelly''': It's so cute, right?
:'''Jesus''': Uh, all right, ladies, why don't you just, give me the dolls until the end of the school day?
:'''Betsy &amp; Nelly''': That's not fair!
:'''Jesus''': ''[takes their Labubus]'' Go on out to recess, and you can pick up your Labubus after school.
:''[Nelly and Betsy hop down from the seats and head to the door, leaving the office]''
:'''Nelly''': Wow. What kind of counseling was that?
:'''Betsy''': I don't know. Jesus sucks, dude.
:'''Nelly''': The older counselor was so much better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wing''': ''[chastising Lu Kim; in Chinese]'' You are taking advantage of these children! You make them pay too much for the Labubus!
:'''Tuong Lu Kim''': ''[retorting in the same language]'' Shut up, wife! Somebody has to pay the tariff!
:'''Wing''': You should just go back to making orange chicken!
:'''Tuong Lu Kim''': ''[in English]'' Yeah, well, wok is dead, you stupid bitch, now stop nagging me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jesus''': Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson. If you mess around and you aren't safe, it can have really big consequences.
:'''Butters''': Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.
:'''Red''': And I'm done with Labubus.
:'''Jesus''': Well, that's good, because as your counselor, I'm banning Labubus from school. And TikTok. And cell phones. Now get back to class. You both have detention for two weeks.
:'''Red''': Oh, man!
:''[Red and Butters leave the office, talking to each other]''
:'''Butters''': Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.
:'''Red''': Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.

===&quot;[[w:Conflict of Interest (South Park)|Conflict of Interest]]&quot; [27.05]===
:'''Cartman''': I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure that was a fսcking dude.
:'''Stan''': Nah, I'm definitely betting it's a chick. What are the odds at?
:'''Cartman''': ''[takes out his phone]'' Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 55% saying the Webelo is a dude.
:'''Stan''': So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? ''[also takes out his phone]''
:'''Kyle''': What are you guys talking about?
:'''Cartman''': Prediction market app, dude. You know, online peer-to-peer betting.
:'''Stan''': Yeah, it's social platform betting. People can make any bet they want, and then other users take them up on it.
:'''Kyle''': Really?
:'''Cartman''': Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? Will there be a snow day this month? Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital? Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
:'''Kyle''': Wait, what was that?!
:'''Cartman''': Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
:'''Kyle''': No, the one about my mom!
:'''Cartman''': Oh. Uh... Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
:'''Kyle''': Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?!
:'''Cartman''': 'Cause she's a Jew?
:'''Jesus''': ''[to Stan and Cartman as he approaches them]'' Boys, put 'em away. You know the rules... no cell phones during school time.
:'''Stan &amp; Cartman''': ''[put their phones away]'' Sorry, Jesus.
:'''Jesus''': ''[blows his whistle and walks away]'' No phones, guys!
:''[Stan and Cartman take out their phones again]''
:'''Kyle''': Take that bet down right now, fatass!
:'''Cartman''': I didn't put it up, Kyle. I'm not even betting on it. It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it, those are terrible odds.
:'''Kyle''': This is such bullshit! I'm gonna find out who started this and I'm gonna fսcking rip 'em a new asshоlе! ''[storms off]''
:'''Cartman''': Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. Maybe these are pretty good odds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kyle''': ''[to all the students; enraged]'' What is wrong with you people?! Do you even know what Gaza is?! You seriously just care about making a couple bucks?! You know what my mom would do if she found out this?! SHE WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOSE HER SHIT! There's been a conflict in Israel for ''thousands'' of years, and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams that you bet on!
:'''Jesus''': Guys, phones (away).
:'''Students''': Sorry, Jesus.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cartman''': ''[sitting at a table with Stan and Kenny in the cafeteria around lunchtime]'' You guys! You guys! ''[pulls out his phone]'' Have you checked the betting app lately?
:'''Stan''': No.
:'''Cartman''': Ever since Kyle got all pissed off, the odds are going up on his mom attacking Gaza.
:'''Stan''': No way.
:'''Cartman''': Yeah, check it out! Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it, we gotta get in on this, guys!
:'''Stan''': Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.
:'''Cartman''': Yes, exactly! ''[lowers his voice]'' We know that. And we can also influence Kyle to get the odds raised even more. It's called a conflict of interest, you guys, it's a way to make free money.
:'''Stan''': Isn't that illegal?
:'''Cartman''': Yes! All we have to do is make sure Kyle stays angry, and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom to goose the odds up even more.
:'''Kyle''': ''[walks up to the table and sits down next to Stan]'' What are you guys talking about?
:'''Cartman''': ''[puts his phone away]'' Nothin'. Just talking about how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.
:'''Kyle''': You think it's messed up?
:'''Cartman''': Yes, I do, Kyle. Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? It's obvious rage bait.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!
:'''Stan''': Dude, you might just wanna let it go.
:'''Cartman''': See? &quot;Just let it go.&quot; That's how people want you to deal with a crisis that they don't even understand.
:'''Kyle''': ''[pointing at Stan; angrily]'' Yes! ''[then pointing at Cartman]'' Thank you.
:'''Cartman''': You can't give up, Kyle. It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? ''[walks down the school hallway]'' Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? ''[all the students look at him]'' Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. Well I don't know, I would just hate to be a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. Well, anyways, good to talk to you guys. ''[walks away]'' Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about my friend Kyle's mom?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheila''': Are you implying that Jews in America have some kind of obligation to do something about it?!
:'''Harriet''': Whoa, whoa!
:'''Sheila''': You wanna ''vilify'' my faith, is that it?!
:'''Laura''': Sheila, it's okay.
:'''Sheila''': It's not Jews vs. Palestine, it's ''Israel'' vs. Palestine!
:'''Linda''': Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.
:'''Sheila''': And maybe if you read books instead of everything Hollywood actors say, YOU'D KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! ''[walks away, leaving]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]''': ''[entering his and Satan's bedroom, carrying a bowl of soup]'' Hey, Satan! ''[takes off his pants and shoes]'' I made you some soup!
:'''Satan''': ''[closely inspects it]'' I don't like carrots.
:'''Donald Trump''': Ayyy, relax, guy! Carrots are good for you.
:'''Satan''': ''[annoyed]'' I don't want carrots. I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.
:'''[[w:Brendan Carr|Brendan Carr]]''': ''[enters the bedroom, wearing a neck collar after his last incident with falling down the stairs]'' Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.
:'''Donald Trump''': Not now, Brendan Carr! Satan won't eat his carrots.
:'''Brendan Carr''': Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. Carrots are good for you, see? ''[takes the soup bowl and eats it]''
:'''Donald Trump''': No, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
:'''Brendan Carr''': ''[stops eating]'' Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I-- ''[drops the bowl and starts gagging]'' Oh, God! ''[his stomach rumbles loudly as he's about to have severe explosive diarrhea]''
:'''Donald Trump''': Whoa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Nighttime at the Broflovski Residence; The family is having soup for dinner at the table]''
:'''Sheila''': ''[ranting in frustration]'' Everywhere I went today, it was the same thing! What are you going to do about Gaza?! Like us Jews in America have any control over what's going on in Israel. Why is everyone suddenly confronting ''us'' about the politics?! ''[to Gerald]'' Have people been asking what ''you'' think about Gaza, Gerald?
:'''Gerald''': No, for some reason, they were just asking what ''you'' think about it.
:'''Sheila''': You see?! It's just pure antisemitism! I'm so sick of being ''grilled'' about my views on Palestine and my thoughts on Hamas! ''[Ike secretly pulls out his phone, opens up the poll in the market app, and bets $2]'' And being judged for things that are centuries old and that non-Jews know nothing about! Well, if they all think we should do something… ''[in unison]'' then you better believe I'll do something!
:'''Kyle''': ''[whispering in protest; in unison]'' You… stop! ''[out of unison]'' You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews should just lay low for a little bit.
:'''Sheila''': There! Now my son is complacent. This is one Jewish household that will ''not'' put up with it anymore! ''[gets up from the table and heads to the front door]''
:'''Kyle''': ''[hops off his seat and follows her]'' Ma, please. Don't make things any worse.
:'''Sheila''': Worse?! How can it be any worse?! ''[takes her bag off the coat rack and opens the door]'' I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, and I'm going to give them '''''a piece of my mind!''' [closes the door and leaves]''
:'''Kyle''': No, Ma!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Meagan''': ''[scrolling through the market app on her phone, as well as Red, and sees the bet of Sheila bombing Gaza officially removed]'' What the hell?
:'''Red''': They took it down! We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets!
:'''Clyde''': How can the app company do that?
:'''Jimmy''': I got in at nine-to-one odds! This is b-b-bullshit!
:'''Meagan''': Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
:'''Jesus''': ''[blowing his whistle as he appears]'' Guys! For the love of God!
:''[The students all put away their phones; Kyle and Cartman are then seen sitting on the steps]''
:'''Kyle''': Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
:'''Cartman''': Oh, that's all right, Kyle. I'm just happy the bet got taken down. Now none of these sickos can profit off of what your mom does.
:'''Kyle''': Yeah, well, those people would have all lost the bet anyway.
:'''Cartman''': What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
:'''Kyle''': Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
:'''Cartman''': It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
:'''Kyle''': No, when my mom left the house, she said she was gonna find the person responsible for all this and give them a piece of her mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A taxi drops off Sheila at the Prime Minister's Office in Israel]''
:'''Sheila''': ''[off-screen]'' You are not going to talk to me like that! I am '''''exremely''''' upset, and I am '''''not''''' leaving until I have said my piece! ''[angrily barges into the office and confronts [[w:Benjamin Netanyahu|Benjamin Netanyahu]]]'' THERE YOU ARE, MR. NETANYAHU! Just who do you think you are?! Killing ''thousands'' and flattening neighborhoods, then wrapping yourself in Judaism like it's some shield from criticism! You're making life for Jews ''miserable,'' and life for American Jews '''''impossible!''''' Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister! You ''know'' what you're doing, and you're doing it on purpose! Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 'cause I'm not goin' anywhere, buster! I've been to every PTA meeting, every school board meeting, and I can go '''''all''''' day!

==External links==
{{wikipedia|South Park season 27}}
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  <page>
    <title>Helena Morrissey, Baroness Morrissey</title>
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      <text bytes="2016" sha1="6hviq028k28bjvyosjxsum8kmdbyz7k" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Baroness Morrissey.jpg|thumb|Baroness_Morrissey]]
'''[[W:Helena Morrissey|Helena Morrissey]]''', Baroness Morrissey (née Atkins; 22 March 1966),[1] is a British financier, campaigner and Conservative peer.

==Quotes==
*I had been interviewed only by men, so I started thinking it was a career that only men did
*Be thoughtful about how you manage meetings, how you manage your team, how you manage different personalities, cognitive styles and approaches
**[https://www.theactuary.com/2025/09/03/interview-helena-morrissey-financier-and-diversity-campaigner Helena Morrissey, Baroness Morrissey speaks about her financier and diversity campaigner]
*Independence matters precisely because electoral cycles are short and the temptation for political expediency is constant.
*Some skills translate: bringing people with you, creating space for challenge, focusing the team on the signal not the noise
*But fund managers rarely receive any help with management. Firms often assume that if you can run money you can run people. That’s wrong
*After the financial crisis, it was obvious that groupthink was dangerous. Back then, fewer than one in ten UK board seats were held by women.
*By modelling confident civility. You cannot build innovative organisations if people are afraid to ask awkward questions or express an unpopular view. We’ve allowed disagreement to become personalised.
^Leaders have to restate a simple compact: robust debate is welcome; ad hominem attacks are not. Inclusion should mean everyone with something to contribute has a voice, not that one group is swapped for another.
**[https://bmmagazine.co.uk/entrepreneur-interviews/entrepreneurs/dame-helena-morrissey-interview-markets-leadership-free-speech/ Baroness Morrissey on markets, leadership and free speech] September 15, 2025


== External links ==
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    <title>Sherien Elagroudy</title>
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      <text bytes="1387" sha1="ao4470dj9qfq8e2frpoteje89ahenf3" xml:space="preserve">'''Sherien Elagroudy''' is an Associate Professor of Environmental Engineering at [[Ain Shams University]] in Egypt and the founding director of the first Solid Waste Management Center of Excellence in the country. Sherien has spent more than 16 years in research and practical projects to design and implement real-world solid waste management strategies, supervising both post-graduate students and junior engineers to train the next generation of academic and industrial leaders in the field.
== Quotes ==

*Africa is facing major challenges, but science could proffer solutions – if we invest in it.'''
** [https://digitalmag.theceomagazine.com/africas-female-stem-changemakers/?r=africa Sherien Elagroudy speaking with the CEO Magazine]

* I could discuss with you today about the latest theories in waste management being practiced but I don't want to wait 20 years till theory turns into application. We need to implement what we know now.[https://nef.org/fr/scientific-african/s-elagroudy/ Sherien talking in NEF Spotlight Session]

* A problem that faces R&amp;D is that research priorities are set outside the continent without any alignment to the needs.[https://digitalmag.theceomagazine.com/africas-female-stem-changemakers/?r=africa Sherien speaking with the CEOMagazine]

==External Links==
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  <page>
    <title>Indrani Mukerjea</title>
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      <text bytes="5146" sha1="tn077yazq0xu5monbaki1nczpuag5zl" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Indrani Mukerjea|Indrani Mukerjea]]''' (born Pori Bora) is a British former HR consultant and media executive.
==Quotes==
*I fear for my life. I have not given my statement to IG Prisons. I confirm that I have not spoken to anyone.
**[https://www.ndtv.com/india-news/i-fear-for-my-life-indrani-mukerjea-tells-cbi-court-in-sheena-bora-murder-case-1841656?utm Indrani Mukerjea tells CBI court in Sheena Bora murder case.] April 23, 2018

*I have forgiven all those people who have hurt me during this process and I would say that one must learn how to forget people.
**[https://www.mid-day.com/mumbai/mumbai-news/article/i-have-forgiven-all-those-who-hurt-me-indrani-mukerjea-23228066?utm Indrani Mukerjea says she has pardoned everyone who caused her pain] May 21, 2022

*I was successful, little did I know that women aren’t allowed to. Ambition is a man’s domain after all.
*My life crashed, unexpectedly, one morning in 2015. I was accused of the most heinous crime there can be... My character was assassinated by people who did not know me. My chiffon sarees and body were the subjects of news. People who had never known me had a hot take on what I did and liked in life, and I was labelled a bad mother.
**[https://www.herzindagi.com/society-culture/indrani-mukerjea-unbroken-memoir-sheena-bora-case-accusation-objectification-sexism-patriarchy-article-240124 Indrani Mukerjea talked about how her body became the subject of news when she was accused of murdering her daughter, Sheena Bora, in her memoir, 'Unbroken'.] August 3, 2023

*I am not going to go back to jail.
**[https://gulfnews.com/opinion/op-eds/exclusive-interview-i-am-not-going-to-go-back-to-jail-indrani-mukerjea-1.99406530 Statement made in a 2024 media interview with Gulf News, asserting Indrani Mukerjea stance on her legal situation.] November 16, 2023

*More than men, women tried to pull me down. After the first chargesheet came out, people from all corners of our social life descended upon me with their claws out.
**[https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-times/more-than-men-women-tried-to-pull-me-down-indrani-mukerjea/articleshow/102236992.cms Exclusive excerpts from Indrani Mukerjea's memoir Unbroken, published by The Times of India 2023.] July 30, 2023

*I am going to get acquitted in this case because I haven’t done it.
**[https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/indrani-mukerjea-sheena-bora-murder-case-netflix-documentary-framed-charges-regrets-interview-2509751-2024-03-03?utm Indrani Mukerjea exclusive interview with India TodayTV on her one 'regret' in Sheena Bora murder saga] March 3, 2024

*So many people asked how I didn’t cry during the documentary. I will cry in my own private moments. I cannot kick butt and sit and cry simultaneously. Why should I show my tears to you? I will not.
*Whatever people feel about me is irrelevant. Even at the cost of being called a narcissist I’ll do what makes me happy. But somewhere, up there, the big guy is doing karmic justice for me.
*When a man makes it big, do you say that he is a social climber? You don’t say that. How does a man get from nowhere to becoming a CEO?  I’m sure he has done something. I don’t know whether he slept with his boss. I don’t know whether he did whatever he had to do, or whether he stabbed his boss and then became the CEO. I don’t know about that. Maybe it was just his capabilities. But it is very, very difficult for society to accept the same for a woman.
*I was married thrice but fell in love only twice.
*My first relationship was more of an arrangement for situations and circumstances that I was thrown into. But I have been very clear that I was definitely never in love,
*Social media can be a dark place if you let trolls control your narrative.
**[https://news.abplive.com/news/india/indrani-mukerjea-exclusive-interview-netflix-documentary-sheena-bora-murder-case-peter-mukerjea-1681210?utm Indrani Mukerjea exclusive interview reported on the ABP Live news] April 19, 2024

*I've not been the perfect mom, but that does not make me a murderer.
**[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt31080590/quotes/ From The Indrani Mukerjea Story: Buried Truth, Episode 3, 2024.]

*I am convinced about one thing: Sheena is definitely alive, and I know she’s roaming around somewhere.
**[https://www.forbes.com/sites/maryroeloffs/2024/03/06/why-netflix-delayed-the-release-of-buried-truth-docuseries-one-of-last-weeks-biggest-hits/ From The Indrani Mukerjea Story: Buried Truth, as reported on Forbes.] March 06, 2024

==External link==
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    <title>Back-to-Africa movement</title>
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      <text bytes="2336" sha1="23f7rtcmxoluj8sqazi4lxeqlddg1vd" xml:space="preserve">[[File:North America satellite orthographic.jpg|thumb|All this native land talk is nonsense. The native land of the American negro is America. His bones, his muscles, his sinews, are all American. His ancestors for two hundred and seventy years have lived, and labored, and died on American soil. ~ [[Frederick Douglass]]]]
The [[w:Back-to-Africa movement|'''back-to-Africa movement''']] was a [[political movement]] in the 19th and 20th centuries advocating for a return of the descendants of [[African American]] slaves to [[Sub-Saharan Africa]] in the African continent. The small number of freed slaves who settled in Africa—some under duress—initially faced brutal conditions, due to diseases to which they no longer had biological resistance. As the failure became known in the United States in the 1820s, it spawned and energized the radical [[w:abolitionism in the United States|abolitionist movement]]. In the 20th century, the Jamaican political activist and black nationalist [[Marcus Garvey]], members of the [[w:Rastafari movement|Rastafari movement]], and other African Americans supported the concept, but few actually left the United States. 

{{politics-stub}}
==Quotes==
*I hold that the American negro owes no more to the negroes in Africa than he owes to the negroes in America. There are millions of needy people over there, but there are also millions of needy people over here as well, and the millions here need intelligent men of their numbers to help them, as much as intelligent men are needed in Africa. We have a fight on our hands right here, a fight for the whole race, and a blow struck for the negro in America is a blow struck for the negro in Africa. For until the negro is respected in America, he need not expect consideration elsewhere. '''All this native land talk is nonsense. The native land of the American negro is America. His bones, his muscles, his sinews, are all American. His ancestors for two hundred and seventy years have lived, and labored, and died on American soil''', and millions of his posterity have inherited Caucasian blood.
**[[Frederick Douglass]], [https://teachingamericanhistory.org/document/lessons-of-the-hour-excerpt/ &quot;Lessons of the Hour&quot;] (9 January 1894)

==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Africa]]
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    <title>Carmen Lasorella</title>
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      <text bytes="2528" sha1="od6dc79hknejgtq2k6dv9bnpo6kk8qf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:LaSorella firenze2008 4.jpg|thumb|Lasorella, in 2008]]
'''[[wikipedia:Carmen_Lasorella|Carmen Lasorella]]''' (born 28 Feburary 1955), is an Italian [[Journalism|journalist]] and [[wikipedia:Television_presenter|television presenter]] who is known for being the first Italian television [[wikipedia:War_correspondent|war correspondent]].

==Quotes==
* Non scomoderei il patriarcato, qui c’è un senso di inadeguatezza, stiamo parlando di persone che non riescono ad esprimere se stesse, e quindi si specchiano in altre persone che gli danno quel senso di essere qualcuno che altrimenti non avrebbero.
**Translation: I wouldn't bring up the patriarchy, there's a sense of inadequacy here, we're talking about people who can't express themselves, and so they mirror themselves in other people who give them that sense of being someone they wouldn't otherwise have.
**Source: [https://www.la7.it/in-altre-parole/video/turetta-carmen-lasorella-non-scomoderei-il-patriarcato-qui-ce-un-senso-di-inadeguatezza-02-12-2023-516860?utm]

* Il mio aspetto fisico mi ha aiutato. Però riflettiamo: erano gli Anni Ottanta, in tv poche donne erano viste come ‘firme’ e non piuttosto come intrattenitrici.
**Translation: My physical appearance helped me. But let's think about it: it was the 1980s, and on TV, few women were seen as &quot;signatures,&quot; rather than entertainers.
**taken from an article by [https://www.ilsussidiario.net/news/carmen-lasorella-il-mio-aspetto-fisico-mi-ha-aiutato-negli-anni-80-poche-donne-erano-viste-come-firme/2552585/?utm il ussidiario], 15 June 2023

* Adesso che racconto la verità, oltre la cronaca, mi sento davvero libera.
**Translation: Now that I'm telling the truth, beyond the news, I feel truly free.
**taken from an article by [https://www.domanipress.it/video-intervista-carmen-lasorella-adesso-che-racconto-la-verita-oltre-la-cronaca-mi-sento-davvero-libera/?utm Domani Press News], 24 September 2024

* Regolamentazione internazionale indispensabile, specie in campo militare.
**International regulation is essential, especially in the military field.
**Source: [https://www.carmenlasorella.it/2024/12/16/a-i-carmen-lasorella-regolamentazione-internazionale-indispensabile/?utm]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

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    <title>Hazel Sive</title>
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      <text bytes="1189" sha1="eoas2no37zytotu2fcfzzwwcf4yssbp" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Hazel L. Sive|Hazel L. Sive]]''' is a South African-born biologist and educator. She is Dean of the College of Science, and Professor of Biology at Northeastern University.

== Quotes ==
* The greatest professional honor of my life has been to be a Member of Whitehead Institute and a Professor of Biology at MIT. To be part of the extraordinary research landscape, to educate our outstanding MIT students, and to have had opportunities to contribute to governance and international activities, has been quite wonderful.
** [https://wi.mit.edu/news/sive-named-dean-northeastern-university]  

* The great thing that we give our students at MIT, in terms of employability and flexibility to respond to shifts in careers, is the ability to solve problems, a training that is applicable across every field.
** [https://wi.mit.edu/news/mit-and-sierra-leone-professors-collaborate-education-strategy]  

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://cos.northeastern.edu/people/hazel-sive/ Hazel Sive – Northeastern University profile]  

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'''[[w:Hazel Sive|Hazel L. Sive]]''' is a South African-born biologist and educator. She is Dean of the College of Science, and Professor of Biology at Northeastern University.

{{Scientist-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* The greatest professional honor of my life has been to be a Member of Whitehead Institute and a Professor of Biology at MIT. To be part of the extraordinary research landscape, to educate our outstanding MIT students, and to have had opportunities to contribute to governance and international activities, has been quite wonderful.
** [https://wi.mit.edu/news/sive-named-dean-northeastern-university]  

* The great thing that we give our students at MIT, in terms of employability and flexibility to respond to shifts in careers, is the ability to solve problems, a training that is applicable across every field.
** [https://wi.mit.edu/news/mit-and-sierra-leone-professors-collaborate-education-strategy]  

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://cos.northeastern.edu/people/hazel-sive/ Hazel Sive – Northeastern University profile]  

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[[Category:Women scientists from South Africa]]
[[Category:Living people]]  
[[Category:Biologists from South Africa]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>A Hound for Trouble</title>
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[[File:Spaghetti al Pomodoro.JPG|thumb|You gotta maybe the [[w:Spaghetti|spaget]]?]]
'''''[[w:A Hound for Trouble|A Hound For Trouble]]''''' is a 1951 [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] ''[[w:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' cartoon short directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. The cartoon was released on April 28, 1951, and features [[w:Charlie Dog|Charlie Dog]].

The film has Charlie attempt to take over a restaurant in [[w:Pisa|Pisa]], while its owner is on a short break. Charlie's behavior drives away a customer. The restaurant's owner eventually seems to accept Charlie as a partner, but he actually uses the dog's newfound trust to fool him.
:''Directed by [[w:Chuck Jones|Chuck Jones]]. (credited as Charles M. Jones) Story by [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]].''

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines of the short film]''
:'''Captain''': Alright men! Get a little action into that cargo. Look alive now! Look alive! Alright, alright. Stand clear! Start moving those starboard crates. Easy does it! (Come on!) ''[discovered that Charlie was hiding behind those crates]'' &lt;big&gt;'''WHAT THE... ?!'''&lt;/big&gt; You again? I thought I threw you off in [[w:Peru|Peru]]!
:'''Charlie Dog''': What (on Earth) are you anyway? A dog hater?
:'''Captain''': ''[off-screen; has Charlie hurled flying from the ship to the fishing docks]'' &lt;big&gt;'''AND STAY OFF MY SHIP!'''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Charlie Dog''': ''[to the fisherman]'' How about you, friend? How are you fix for a dog?
:'''Fisherman''': ''[to Charlie]'' ''No capice en English.'' (&quot;I don't understand the English.&quot;)
:'''Charlie Dog''': ''[to the donkey deliveryman]'' How about a dog to brighten up your seeming side of life? (Huh?)
:'''Donkey Deliveryman''': ''[to Charlie]'' ''No capice!'' (&quot;I don't understand!&quot;)
:'''Charlie Dog''': ''[to the Italian ladies]'' How about it, girls? Care to take home a nice soulful dog?
:'''Italian Lady #1''': ''[giggles of what Charlie have said]''
:'''Italian Lady #2''': ''[giggles; to Charlie]'' ''No capice.'' (&quot;I don't understand.&quot;)
:'''Charlie Dog''': Awful lot of immigrants around here (in this country). Oh, well, when in [[w:Rome|Rome]].

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Mel Blanc|Mel Blanc]] as [[w:Charlie Dog|Charlie Dog]], Pizzeria Owner, and the Italian People.
* [[w:Michael Maltese|Michael Maltese]] as the Customer. (uncredited)
* Marian Richman as Italian Lady #1 and Italian Lady #2. (uncredited)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Looney Tunes}}

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  <page>
    <title>Zootopia 2</title>
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'''''{{w|Zootopia 2}}''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis 2''''' in some European countries) is a 2025 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 64th feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Zootopia]]'', it follows Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w: Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) and Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) as they pursue reptile Gary De'Snake (voiced by [[w:Ke Huy Quan|Ke Huy Quan]]) across Zootopia and try to clear their names after being framed.
:''Directed by {{w|Jared Bush}} and {{w|Byron Howard}}. Written by Jared Bush.''
{{center|1='''They're back with a twissst.'''}}

{{film-stub}}
==Judy Hopps==
* Hopps and Wilde in pursuit of suspect!
* Stop in the name of the law!
* ''[looking around Nick's apartment]'' Yikes... No wonder you never invite me over. ''['''Nick:''' Foxes are solitary.]''
* Stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears! Never pull a bunny's ears, never pull a bunny's ears!
* We have to solve this case.
* You know, I used to dream... of infiltrating a place like this.
* Check the perimeter, snoop a little, we find nothing, we bail. But if I'm right, no-one will question whether you and I belong together again. We need this.
* We took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run.
* The sooner everyone sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better.
* Agree to disagree.

==Nick Wilde==
* Sorry, could you show me that clip again? Wasn't wearing my glasses.
* Play it smart, stay off the radar, and don't let them get to you, okay? 'Cause we are the dream... team. ''[accidentally throws the soda can through the wall]'' Sorry, Paul. ''[Paul frustratedly growls and the soda can sprays him away]''
* No snake has set foot in Zootopia in forever, okay? Even if they had feet.
* Well, can't win 'em all.
* ''[upon seeing Chief Bogo at the Zootennial Gala]'' Bogo alert.
* Oh, is my ''discomfort'' hilarious to you?
* Oh my god -- a viper! ''A vindow viper.'' Ja? ''[laughs]''
* You know, this is not your worst idea. ''['''Judy''': Wow, that was almost a compliment.]'' Your worst idea is what you did with your ears. ''[Judy punches him in the stomach]''
* You're the one who said we needed a bust. Just follow my lead, okay? Act casual.
* You want to fit in? Commando is not gonna cut it. It's not just the clothes, okay? ''[in a cool tone]'' It is the ''vibe''.
* Carrots, hey, I would like to call a partner meeting!
* Hey, Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Partner's in trouble, need to get across town, ignore the laws. ''['''Flash''': No... problem!]''

==Gary De'Snake==
* I'm really sorry, but this is my family's only chance to return home.
* Hurt him? Snakes never hurt anyone. We aren't the bad guys. They are. And this journal holds the secret that will prove it. I have to prove it. Please. This is my only chance to set things right, and when I do, my family will finally be able to come home.
* We shall succeed.
* Permission to hug?

==Nibbles Maplestick==
* If you wanna talk to a reptile, I am your gal.
* When Zootopia was founded, this whole neighborhood got cut off from the rest of the town. It's the only place where you can get away with wearing a shirt and no pants.
* Breathe it in!
* Zootopia has a secret reptile population.
* It takes two to tango, but a threesome to be some!
* It takes a threesome to be some, but a fourway to bust your doorway!

==Pawbert Lynxley==
* ''[to Judy; chuckling as he holds out his paw]'' Paw! Uh, Pawbert. I am Pawbert. Hi.
* '''I'M GONNA ''BURN'' IT ALL TO THE''' '''''GROUND!''''' '''I'M A REAL''' '''''LYNXLEY!''''' ''[maniacally laughs before he gets knocked out with a frying pan from behind]''

==Gazelle==
* I will remember you, zebra!
* We are with you, Judy Hopps.
* We meet again, zebra.
* Here come the horns!

==Dialogue==
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': New mayor and former actor, Brian Winddancer, hailed the two during celebrations for the 100th anniversary of the invention of Zootopia’s weather walls, that allowed all environments and all animals to co-exist in one city.
:''[At Zootopia's City Hall, the new mayor, Winddancer gives a speech in-front of the Zootopian crowds.]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': This is our Zootennial! And if a lowly country bunny and a shifty, likely criminal fox can ignore their vast, vast differences and solve bias and stereotype forever, then maybe we can all embrace our differences and be ''better Zoogether''.
:''[As cameras flash, Judy and Nick find themselves in the light, Nick looks the littlest bit uncomfortable, while Judy looks proud and ready to seize the day.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[Judy adjusts Nick’s tie, tosses off his sunglasses, and fixes his posture.]'' We’re gonna crack a new case, make the world a better place, and be the greatest partners of all time! ''[chuckles as she playfully punches Nick]'' I mean, we’re not that different. ''[A camera flashes at their poses]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Antony Snootley, the customs inspector, realizing Judy and Nick are cops.]''
:'''Finnick''': ''[spits out his pacifier and looks up at him]'' Toot toot.
:'''Antony Snootley''': ''[gasps in panic]'' It's the '''''FUZZ!''''' ''[pushes Nick aside and runs]''
:'''Judy''': Stop! Stop in the name of the law!
:'''Antony Snootley''': Everybody run! ''[drives off in the catering van]''
:'''Nick''': Well, can't win 'em all.
:''[Behind Nick and Judy, the frantic pig in a hog rod fiercely honks at them.]''
:'''Frantic Pig''': Get outta the road, you dumb bunny!
:'''Judy''': ''[scoffs]'' Agree to disagree.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Judy and Nick are in Chief Bogo's office, the latter groans, as he and the other ZPD officers are displeased with them ruining Ebenezer Lynxley's statue.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, today may not have been ideal, but the anteater was captured...
:'''Chief Bogo''': By the Zebros!
:'''Zebros''': ZEBROS!! ''[they both high-five]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': SHUT IT!!!
:'''Zebros''': &lt;small&gt; Zebros... &lt;/small&gt;
:'''Judy''': It was us. But more importantly, I believe that we have made a significant discovery. ''[opens a case file]'' The stolen van contained a smuggled crate from overseas, pamphlets for the Zootennial, and some type of reptile skin. I've already sent samples for testing. And...
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[slams his hoof down on the case file]'' What needs testing is ''you''! You two tore up ''half the city''! Because of ''you'', we had to call in Jumbo Unit ''[turns on the TV to show a news report of Zeke, a dik-dik struggling in a tuba]'' to remove a '''DIK-DIK FROM A TUBA!!!!'''
:'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' You're almost out! You're gonna be--
:'''Zeke''': ''[on TV; panicked]'' Please no, please NO...!
:''[An elephant officer picks up the tuba and blows through it with his trunk, launching Zeke into the air.]''
:'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' Who's catching him?!
:'''Nick''': Sorry. Could you show me that clip again? ''[puts on his pig sunglasses]'' Wasn't wearing my glasses. ''[Judy glares at him]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Did you or did you not disobey a direct order to ''stand down''?!
:'''Judy''': Sir, we were in pursuit, and Article 6, Paragraph B states if the lead officers think that--
:'''Fern Hoggbottom''': ''You'' are not lead officers! You're one-hit wonders who should go back to meter-maiding and sligging Pawpsicles!
:'''Nick''': ''If'' I may, I think someone's just jealous that we got to drive the Squealmobile. ''[Fern snorts in shock]'' Or... maybe you thought it was your mama!
:''[Fern squeals in anger.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ENOUGH!!! Everybody, ''[in high-pitched voice]'' out!
:''[The ZPD officers (except Judy and Nick) leave Bogo's office.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[sighs; to Judy]'' Officer Hopps, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I like you. But this need to... overdo it made both of you a headline today. And it reflects badly on me, on the department, and, frankly, on any bunny hoping to follow in your footsteps. Not every case to going to save the world.
:''[Judy comtemplates about what Chief Bogo said, until...]''
:'''Nick''': ''[interrupts]'' Knock, knock. ''[standing next to a waste bin]'' Hi. You know, this kinda... this sounds a lot like a... &quot;just a you guys&quot; conversation, so what I'm gonna do is: I'm gonna go ahead and... ''[prepares to leave]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[rolls his eyes]'' Is there a reason why you don't take ''anything'' seriously?
:'''Nick''': Jokes are a classic defensive mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[glares at Nick]'' Would you like a traumatic ''adulthood''?
:'''Nick''': ''[opens his mouth to retort before removing his glasses and backing away]'' I would not. 
:'''Chief Bogo''': I allowed you to work together because you did this city a great service, but today, you messed it all up. And now, some are questioning whether you should have been partners in the first place.
:'''Judy''': But, sir...
:'''Chief Bogo''': So, instead of chasing imaginary reptiles, I am pulling you from the field...
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[Nick frowns]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ...and giving you a new assignment, reserved for special teams like yourselves. Fail at this, and I will have no choice but to ''split you up''. There will be no more Hopps and Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick exchange worried glances]'' But... if you're as good as you think you are, ''[gives Nick the flyer]'' this is your moment to shine. ''[shuts the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are in Partners in Crisis with Dr. Fuzzby, the ZPD quokka therapist, and the other officers.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Welcome to Partners in Crisis, a workshop for duos heading for disaster. ''[chuckles]'' I am your therapy animal, Dr. Fuzzby, and you are here because mismatched pairings often need a little more work to make them... work.
:''[An armadillo officer, Greg is grooming his partner's fur, picking out bugs. His partner, Marlon Grizzby, is gesturing in a way showing he's uncomfortable.]'' 
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Greg, we talked about that. 
:''[Greg pauses and stops grooming Marlon, sighing and groaning.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': What are we making Marlon? Uncomfortable. Yes. 
:''[An elephant officer, Francine, screams when she see a mouse, Clark.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And Francine, Clark may be a mouse, but he is your partner first.
:''[Officer Clark squeaks, and Francine hits her forehead.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And we have two new ''“apart-ners.”''
:''[All the officers look at Judy and Nick.]'' 
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[to Judy]'' Can you tell us about your journey to ''dysfunction junction''?
:'''Judy''': ''[looks around awkwardly]'' Well, we’ve been official partners for one week, ''[poking Nick]'' happy anni-versa-ry! And we're not dysfunctional at all, actually. Functioning fine - better than fine! And we ''did'' sorta save the city, so us being here kinda seems like a ''huge'' misunderstanding.
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[nodding; to the rest of the group]'' Notice how she answered first, did not allow her partner to speak, seems to be in a state of denial, ''[Judy looks at her disturbingly]'' and taps her foot when she's suppressing discomfort.
:''[Judy notices her foot is tapping and stops it. Nick smiles and chuckles]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[notices]'' And observe the source of her discomfort, represented by the disconnected affectation of her emotionally-insecure partner.
:''[Nick frowns as Judy smirks at him]''
:'''Marlon''': Oh...
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': But with hard work, they'll be on the same page by year two! ''[Judy and Nick stare confusedly]'' But for now, let's begin by greeting our teammate. Who'd like to go first? ''[Joel, an elk, raises his hoof]'' Thank you, Joel.
:''[Joel smiles at Karen, a honey badger, who proceeds to choke him]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Okay, unfortunately, Karen has chosen to see Joel's smile as a sign of aggression. ''[starts spraying]'' Hackles down, Karen. Karen, hackles down. ''[singing]'' Joel, the safe word is &quot;coconut&quot;.
:'''Joel''': ''[while Karen chokes him]'' Coconut! '''Coconut'''!
:''[Nick and Judy exchange shocked looks]'' 
:'''Judy Hopps''': We have to set another meeting with the chief. Promise we’ll be better. ''[as she opens her locker, she finds it filled with insults about the pursuit, courtesy of the Zebros, she glares at them in annoyance]'' 
:'''Zebros''': ''[arrogantly]'' (In your face, loser.) Zebros. ''[high-hoof each other in terrible pride]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Judy and Nick leave the ZPD building, the other officers mock them for destroying Ebenezer Lynxley's statue]''
:'''Gene Zebrowski''': ''[mockingly]'' Look, everybody! Roll out the red carpet, here's the Super Cops! Woo!
:'''Higgins''': Ça marche! Allonzi!
:'''Bloats''': Woo!
:'''Sheep cop''': Fox and bunny!
:'''Gene Zebraxton''': Hey, what does the fox say? You suck!
:''[Upon realizing Zebraxton insulted Nick, Judy tries to confront him about it]''
:'''Nick''': ''[fondly pushes Judy away]'' Easy, partner. ''[leaves the building with Judy]'' Let me ask you somethin': Do you think we're a good team?
:'''Judy''': Of course! I just... I just wish I knew what we had to do to ''prove'' it to everyone else.
:'''Nick''': Or... maybe we don't have to prove anything to anybody.
:''[Judy and Nick look behind them, seeing the ZPD officers still taunting them from behind the door]''
:'''Judy''': Hm... ''[smiles]'' We do. Forever. ''[throws a &quot;Partnership for Dummies&quot; book to Nick]'' 
:'''Nick''': ''[catches the book]'' Oof! ''[gazes at the book curiously]''
:'''Judy''': And the sooner everyone ''[as Nick gazes at her]'' sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. ''[walks away as Nick amorously gazes at the book]'' Enjoy it! I got two!
:'''Nick''': ''[singing]'' I'd rather chew off my own arm.
:'''Judy''': ''[waving from a distance]'' Happy anniversary!
:''[Nick stares at the book Judy gave him, scoffing softly as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy enters her apartment and muzzletimes her parents, Bonnie and Stu]''
:'''Bonnie''': ''[on videocall, calling Judy]'' So, saw you on TV. You okay?
:'''Judy''': [''closes the door with her foot]'' Everything's fine, Mom.
:'''Stu''': ''[via MuzzleTime]'' Uh-oh, everyone knows &quot;fine&quot; is a cry for help. ''[Judy slides her stack of books onto her bed]'' You know what else cried for help? That dik-dik stuck in that tuba.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, him and that dik-dik. ''[Judy rolls her eyes]'' What does your fox partner say?
:''[As the scene switches to Nick's apartment, where Nick is on the couch, popping open a jar of peanut butter, as he settles in to watch a Winddancer action movie on Deersney+. His feet lay on a coffee table and contents spill.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[voiceover]'' Well, Nick’s not really a... talker.
:'''Bonnie''': ''[phone call voiceover]'' Well, you two are very different. 
:''[Nick sits in his small apartment. He looks at his &quot;Partnership for DUMMIES&quot; book, but he didn't use it to read it; instead, he uses it to balance his coffee table.]'' 
:'''Bonnie''': Small-town hero raised on a farm--
:''[The scene switches back to Judy's apartment with Judy on her phone.]''
:'''Stu''': ''[on phone screen]'' --big city crook raised on the streets.
:'''Gram Gram''': ''[as she grabs Stu's phone in the video call]'' I pray every day that you’ll come back home and make babies!
:'''Bonnie''': Mom!
:'''Stu''': ''[after taking the phone from Gram Gram]'' Just remember the first rule of partnerships: you can be right or you can be happy.
:'''Bonnie''': That's true.
:'''Stu''': There’s nothing wrong with dying a little inside so you can meet in the middle.
:'''Judy''': Guys--
:'''Bonnie''': ''[as Stu pushes her out of the picture]'' Okay honey, you’re pushing me out.
:'''Stu''': I wanna make sure I can be seen.
:'''Bonnie''': Well, if she could see both of us--
:'''Judy''': Okay! Gotta go! Work to do--
:'''Bonnie''': Bye, Bun-Bun.
:'''Stu''': Everything’s gonna be fine. You two just need a new case! Hey, maybe try to find that dik-dik!
:'''Judy''': ''[starting to end the call]'' Got it. Love you. Bye! ''[hangs up]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Gary De'Snake reveals himself in front of everyone at the Zootennial Gala]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': '''''THERE'S A SNAKE!!!!!'''''
:''[The Zootopians start running and screaming]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[During the chase scene at the Lynxley Manor, a lion chef's hat is knocked off, revealing [[w:Ratatouille (film)|a rat/mouse controlling him by pulling his mane.]]]''
:'''French Chef''': ''[gasps; points at the lion]'' I knew it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick escape from the Lynxley Manor, Milton questions Mayor Winddancer. Cattrick and Kitty face him as well, standing on either side of Milton.]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': Uh, we, uh... We're gonna take that snake down.
:'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[angrily]'' And the fox and that ''rabbit!'' Do you know how many mayors they've already destroyed?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[thinks while tapping the floor two times with his back hoof]'' 1, 2... I got up to 2.
:'''Milton Lynxley''': Would you like to be 3?! ''[Mayor Winddancer shakes his head &quot;no&quot;]'' I want them gone!
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': But aren't there... ''laws?''
:'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[coming closer to Winddancer]'' I will say this once, ''Brian.'' You will retrieve the journal and bury them. Or maybe I chose the wrong mayor. Did I choose the wrong mayor?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[gulps]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mr. Big’s polar bears, Raymond and Kevin, put Judy and Nick in the trunk of his limousine and take them to Fru Fru&quot;s purse warehouse.]''
:'''Fru Fru''': Welcome to my warehouse! ''[to Judy]'' Oh my god, I love your dress.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you.
:'''Mr. Big''': Fru Fru and I are now equal partners in the family business. She brings wonderful ideas for crime and for fashion, while I get more time to focus on what matters most: Being grand-papa to my little Judith.
:''[Fru Fru's daughter, a toddler shrew named Judith, walks over.]''
:'''Judith''': ''[holds out her hand, wearing a candy ring on one of her fingers]'' Kiss my ring! 
:''[Nick smiles at Judy, chuckling in amusement.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': '''KISS THE STINKING RING RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!'''
:'''Fru Fru''': '''KISS IT! YOU KISS IT RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!'''
:''[Nick quickly and awkwardly kisses Judith's ring.]''
:'''Judith''': Nonno, you said we were gonna make cement shoes for Mr. Weaselton.
:'''Mr. Big''': Ah, that's my girl. ''[Judith grins maliciously]''
:'''Nick''': They grow up so fast.
:'''Mr. Big''': '''YOU RUN YOUR MOUTH TOO MUCH!'''
:'''Fru Fru''': '''THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FOX!''' ''[Nick flinches as Judy glares at him, which he notices and gives her a shrug with a &quot;What?&quot; look]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Anyways, you're in trouble, and we like one of yous, so we're here to help.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[a polar bear gives Nick a duffel bag]'' New clothes, new identities, truck outta town leaves in an hour, and your meter-maid cart is taken care of.
:''[A polar bear throws Judy and Nick's meter-maid cart in a trash compactor before praying to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': I think you misunderstand. We've been framed by the lynxes, and an innocent snake needs our...
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[as Judith climbs on his lap]'' Judy, the Lynxleys are killers, and they have no honor, and this Tundratown expansion only makes them more dangerous. Territorial animals will do anything for more land. So, if whatever you're tangled up in threatens their plans, you're dead. You don't fight the cats, you leave.
:'''Judy''': Sir, I know you're trying to look out for us, but we took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run.
:'''Nick''': ''[wearing a fake moustache]'' On behalf of myself, ''[reads his and Judy's fake I.D.'s]'' Rick Wilde and Miss Trudy... Cabbagepatch. We thank you for your truck to salvation and... ''[Judy rips off his fake moustache]'' Yow!
:'''Judy''': We cannot accept your offer. We are helping that snake.
:'''Nick''': ''[muttering]'' Boy, you're really tossing that &quot;we&quot; around.
:'''Judy''': Snakes may have been framed for the fanging of that tortoise. Do you have any idea why or how this book could prove it? ''[shows the journal to Mr. Big]''
:'''Mr. Big''': I wish I did. But if it has to do with snakes, your best bet is talking to a reptile.
:'''Judy''': Do you know any?
:'''Mr. Big''': Almost no one does. They keep to themselves, hide out in Marsh Market.
:'''Fru Fru''': But you can still find 'em. You just need to find a reptile expert, someone local who knows where to go. Lucky for you, I met someone. ''[gives Judy Nibbles' business card]'' She runs a podcast!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[To uncover the secret of the journal, Judy and Nick are tasked with consulting Nibbles for help, much to Nick's dismay.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, Trudy Cabbagepatch; Rick Wilde says &quot;''no''&quot;.
:'''Nibbles''': Oh, yeah! ''[drives by Nick and Judy]'' If Hopps and Wilde are on the lam, subtle sleuthin' 'tis my jam! ''[kicks her car's passenger door open]'' Woo! ''[dusts off the seats]'' Mind the splinters. ''[Judy tries to pull Nick toward the car as he resists]'' Oh, you called the right beaver. If you wanna talk to a reptile, I ''am'' your gal. Also, if you need to talk to a jackalope, which are ''real'', Mom!
:'''Nick''': ''[chuckles as he pulls Judy away]'' Excuse us; Team meeting. ''[to Judy]'' Vetoing the beave, new vote. ''[raises his paw and tail]'' All in favor of truck to being alive and laying low 'til this blows over-ville? ''[chuckles]'' I mean...
:'''Judy''': Hopps and Wilde do not bail on a case.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering about Nibbles]'' But she's crazy; Probably lead poisoning from eating too many pencils! ''[sees Nibbles chewing on two pencils and spitting out a splinter]''
:'''Judy''': Do you know a reptile who can tell us the hidden secret in here or why lynxes framed the snakes? ''[Nick tries to answer, but sighs in defeat]'' Twenty-four hours, sunrise tomorrow. If we strike out, then we go into hiding and Judy Cabbagepatch it is. ''[extends her paw to Nick]''
:'''Nick''': ''[groans reluctantly as the truck drives away]'' It's ''Trudy'' Cabbagepatch and the safe word is &quot;coconut&quot;. ''[steps in the car alongside Judy]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[to herself]'' In the darkness of a dank underpass, they stepped into the vehicle, not realizing their lives were about to change.
:'''Judy''': Because... we're gonna meet a reptile?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[excited]'' Because you're about to be best buds with ''Nibbles Maplestick''! ''[Judy smiles, while Nick looks at her in surprise]'' Takes two to tango, but a threesome to be somethin'! ''[drives off to Marsh Market]'' Let's find you a reptile and romp the swamp!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nibbles''': Conversing with these beautiful sea creatures is like talkin' to anyone a little different. Just takes open and respectful communication. ''[throws a large fish in Judy and Nick's arms and rings a bell; a large walrus named Russ emerges from the water with a plunger]'' Hey, bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bubba, hey.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub, hey.
:'''Nibbles''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub.
:'''Russ''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. ''[mimics a record scratching]''
:'''Russ''': Hey, pfft, bub-bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub, pfft, bubby-bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub, pfft! Hey, bub. Hey-ho!
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub-bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:''[Nick and Judy exchange confused glances]''
:'''Nibbles''': Seen Jesús?
:'''Russ''': Yup. ''[grabs the fish with his plunger, eats it, and dives back into the water, soaking Nick]''
:'''Nick''': ''[removes his soaked hat]'' And now, we leave town.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Nick and Judy are chasing Gary throughout Marsh Market with Nibbles' help]''
:'''Nibbles''': Pro tip: If he goes for the red line, do ''not'' follow! You ''will'' run out of air! Good luck! I LOVE YOU!
:''[As Nick follows Judy, who is still chasing Gary, the latter looks behind him and swallows the journal]''
:'''Gary''': Cannonball! ''[leaps into the red line water tube]''
:''[Having disobeyed Nibbles' warning, Judy promptly follows Gary into the red line tube.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Hopps, no, that's the red line! Red line, red line! ''[sees Judy jumping into the red line]'' You're gonna run out of air! Coconut, '''coconut'''! ''[leaps into the red line after Judy and Gary]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Much to his frustration, Nick is forced to abort his and Judy's pursuit of Gary by opening an emergency exit, landing them at the base of Copenhoofen.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Are you okay?
:'''Judy''': Yeah, yes. Uh... You?
:'''Nick''': ''[drying himself]'' Um, well, uh, I feel some... sorries, uh, may be in order.
:'''Judy''': ''[pats Nick's knee]'' Nick, it's okay. I know you didn't wanna lose him on purpose.
:'''Nick''': ''[incredulously]'' Oh, not me sorry. No, no. ''[points at Judy]'' You sorry.
:'''Judy''': ''[nonchalantly wringing her ears]'' Well, now we kinda have no way to find him or stop the lynxes, so... agree to disagree. ''[flicks her ears at Nick, throwing water at his face]''
:'''Nick''': But... we are alive. So, if we can't find him, that's great. What we ''can'' find... is a truck outta here. ''[tries to spray water at Judy, but smacks his snout with his tail]'' Gah.
:''[Judy and Nick exchange glares before the former sees Gary's fanny pack hanging from the emergency exit. Judy opens the fanny pack, finding markers and a old box of matches with a flower on it.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[uninterested]'' Box of old matches... helpful. Trudy Cabbagepatch, leaving ''town''; We're done. ''[tries to walk away]''
:'''Jürgen''': ''[off-screen]'' Yodelayhehoo!
:''[Nick and Judy look up and see two mountain goats hiking the cliff.]''
:'''Jürgen''': This is weird place for you to be.
:'''Berthold''': Ja, very weird.
:'''Jürgen''': Ach, they fell out of ze tube. ''[takes out his phone]'' Okay, we will call police to help!
:'''Judy''': No! No, we're fine.
:'''Nick''': Yep, but we were just leaving town.
:'''Judy''': Actually, um, do you happen to know where this tube goes?
:'''Berthold''': Oh, Copenhoofen. ''[points at a distance]''
:'''Jürgen''': Ja, ist Copenhoofen. ''[starts coughing]''
:'''Judy''': Got it, thank you-
:'''Berthold''': Ah, you chew too much. This is not... ''[does the heimlich maneuver on Jürgen, making him spit half-chewed yellow flowers at Nick, much to his disgust as he dusts them off]''
:'''Judy''': ''[takes a flower off Nick and examines it]'' Where did... Where did you find these flowers?
:'''Jürgen''': Oh, the Liebchenflower? ''[points above]'' Ze tippity-top of ze mountain. Uh, zis is ze only place zey grow.
:'''Nick''': ''[frustrated; to himself]'' Oh, boy...
:'''Judy''': Is... ''[to Jürgen and Berthold]'' Uh... Is there anything ''else'' up there?
:'''Nick''': Nope, there sure isn't.
:'''Berthold''': Oh, ja; ''[Nick groans]'' Old Honeymoon Lodge, but is closed for a long time because was hideout for snakes.
:''[Upon hearing the word &quot;snakes&quot;, Nick rolls his eyes.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[flips the matchbox]'' Honeymoon Lodge... ''[Nick sighs]'' H-How do you reach it?
:'''Berthold''': Oh, tourists take ze tram from Copenhoofen, but ze rope is faster!
:''[Judy excitedly punches a frustrated Nick before heading to the rope.]''
:'''Jürgen''': Good luck! ''[on the other side]'' Have fun at the Honeymoon Lodge!
:'''Nick''': ''[annoyed]'' Thank you!
:''[Judy and Nick are climbing Copenhoofen, with the latter struggling to keep up with the former, who wears Gary's fanny pack]''
:'''Judy''': ''[climbing; to herself]'' What does this secret... have to do with the reptiles? How did it get hidden in the journal in the first place.
:'''Nick''': ''[exhausted]'' Will you slow down...? ''[starts slipping on his rope, much to his annoyance]''
:'''Judy''': ''[looks down]'' How long do you think it's gonna be before Hoggbottom and the ZPD figure out where we are? ''[keeps climbing]'' If anything, we should be going faster. As I always say...
:'''Judy's voice''': ''[through carrot pen; off-screen]'' I really am just a dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[looks down; smiling forcedly]'' Nick...
:''[Nick is replaying the recording on his carrot pen, smiling smugly, forcing Judy to zip down to him]''
:'''Judy''': ''[angrily grabs the carrot pen from Nick, spiraling him]'' ''This'' was a gift to symbolize our partnership. And it is not appropriate for this moment.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, no, I was just... ''[chuckles]'' hoping to jot down some ideas for what we will put on our tombstones. I'll start: &quot;His partner did it!&quot; ''[snatches the carrot pen back]''
:'''Judy''': ''[confused]'' What happened to you that you can't just have a normal conversation?
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses, then breathes deeply]'' ''I'' will save that for my therapy animal. ''[slips on his rope]''
:'''Judy''': Yeah. ''[snatches back the carrot pen]'' You ''need'' a therapy animal!
:'''Nick''': ''[snatches back the carrot pen]'' Oh, yeah?! Well, you need a ''herd'' of therapy animals. ''[starts to fight over the carrot pen with Judy]'' Yeah, you need a ''whole'' migration of therapy animals!
:''[As Nick tries to keep the carrot pen away from Judy, he pulls the carrot pen out of Judy's grasp, making them slip, and Nick to accidentally knock his paw on the cliff, causing the carrot pen to fall on a nearby rock. As Judy and Nick try to save it, they knock paws, making the pen fall all the way down the cliff, breaking into pieces on the ground, leaving Nick shocked and Judy heartbroken and hurt. Nick shamefully sees Judy's hurt expression as she starts to turn mad, giving Nick the silent treatment when she climbs up the cliff, leaving Nick feeling ashamed for her. Judy reaches the Honeymoon Lodge and unclips herself before entering it. Later, Nick reaches the Honeymoon Lodge.]''
:'''Nick''': Carrots? ''[sighs before unclipping himself and following Judy]''
:
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:'''Judy''': ''[hurries to grab evidence]'' We need it to solve the case.
:'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' Judy, just—
:'''Judy''': ''[not listening to him]'' We ''have'' to solve the case, Nick.
:'''Nick''': ''[fed-up]'' I don't care about the case! ''[Judy becomes shocked to hear what he said; stutters and sighs]'' Judy, it's not worth dying for.
:'''Judy''': ''[turns to him]'' The world will never be a better place if no one is brave enough to do the right thing. 
:'''Nick''': The world is what it ''is'', Carrots. And-and sometimes, being a hero, it just... doesn't make a difference.
:'''Judy''': ''[pauses, then sighs]'' I think, uh... ''[Nick looks at her sympathetically]'' I think... Maybe... Maybe we ''are'' different.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Outside the destroyed Honeymoon Lodge, officers Chèvre and Bücheron bring a paw-cuffed Nick, who is glaring daggers, in front of Hoggbottom and Mayor Winddancer.]''
:'''Hoggbottom''': Mayor Winddancer?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[approaches Nick and removes his shades; about Judy]'' Where's the bunny?
:'''Nick''': ''[snarkily]'' I dunno. But, you know, she's a rabbit, so maybe you can pull her out of your hat.
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[pauses]'' I'm not wearing a hat.
:'''Hoggbottom''': ''[whispering]'' He's messing with you, sir.
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[dismissively]'' I knew that! Get him out of here!
:''[Officers Bücheron and Chèvre throw Nick in the prison van and slam the doors shut.]''
:'''Milton''': ''[approaches Nick]'' Where are they, Mr. Wilde? ''[Nick turns away in denial; to Cattrick]'' Begin the expansion. Freeze Marsh Market. Flush everyone out.
:'''Nick''': ''[overhears him; worried]'' No... you can't...
:'''Milton''': Water folk, like foxes, are lesser mammals. If I say they helped a dangerous snake, no one will care what we do. ''[digs his claws in Nick, who groans in pain]'' You're going to a dark cell, Mr. Wilde, just long enough to read the headline of your partner's demise. ''[takes his claws off Nick, who glares angrily]'' You should've left town while you had the chance.
:''[The prison van drives away with Nick.]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[holding a fur sample]'' Dad. Fur from... ''[gives the sample]'' whoever's helping the bunny and the snake.
:'''Milton''': ''[angrily clutches the bag]'' Find Pawbert!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Nick is locked up in prison by Hoggbottom for being a fugitive]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[off-screen]'' Nicholas Wilde! ''[Nick sighs as he sees her in the cell across his]'' What are the chances? ''[laughs]'' You know, this is my first time in prison, and I gotta say: ''[reaches for a mop]'' Their food is on point. ''[starts gnawing on the top part of the mop]''
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs and rolls his eyes]'' How are you even here?
:'''Nibbles''': Destiny, plus an arrest. ''[chuckles]'' But it looks like Judith got away. Was that decision... ''mutual''? ''[Nick sighs and turns away]'' Oh, sensin' trouble in paradise. Wanna talk about it?
:'''Nick''': ''[pushing a bed]'' What I want is to get outta here. ''[climbs on the bed, struggling to free himself]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[wearily]'' Right, your big plan. Lay low on Outback Island, sipping piña koalas. ''[Nick climbs off the bed]'' Except you can't trust koalas 'cause they got four thumbs. Did a whole episode about it on the podcast. It was called &quot;They Got Four Thumbs&quot;. But you know what? At least they ain't platypuses. ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': ''[trying to unlock his cell; annoyed]'' Wait, can you just... Can you ''please'' just let me concentrate?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[salutes]'' Roger that. ''[gnaws on the mop again and spits out a splinter]'' Just talk to me, dude! ''[Nick breaks a claw and sighs]'' What's the last thing she said to you?
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' She, um... Uh, she said... &quot;maybe we are too... different.&quot;
:'''Nibbles''': Hm... And... What did you say ''before'' that?
:'''Nick''': I said the case isn't worth dying for.
:'''Nibbles''': Hm...?
:'''Nick''': Like, uh,... Like, y'know, as in it's... it isn't worth ''her'' dying for because... because solitary animals like me don't have real friends. And I-I... I don't wanna lose her. ''[as his ears droop]'' I just... I don't know how to say that. ''[looks down, seeing Nibbles in front of him]''
:'''Nibbles''': You know what, bud? ''[hugs Nick]'' I think you just did.
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses before realizing Nibbles opened his cell; surprised]'' Wait, how'd you do that? ''[gestures to the lock]''
:'''Nibbles''': Well, I open my arms, put them around you, and then I squeeze. It's called a hug. Do foxes not have hugs? ''[realizes what Nick meant]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' The lock. Yeah, that's Beav 101. ''[reveals that she gnawed a key on the mop]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In Flash's car, Nick is calling Clawhauser at the ZPD by phone to track Judy's location.]''
:'''Nick''': I cannot help Judy if I don't know where she is, which is why I need you ''[off-screen]'' to get on Paul's computer and track Hoggbottom.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[whispering]'' You are an escaped fugitive! I could get fired for even talking to you.
:'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' They're gonna put her to sleep! ''[off-screen]'' Do it!
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay! ''[sees a box of donuts and gasps in delight]''
:'''Paul''': ''[typing on his computer]'' Did you try restarting it? Mhm. Have you tried not being an idiot?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[holding a box of donuts]'' Hey, Paul, I got you some donuts. ''[trips over the soda can and drops the box on Paul]'' Oh, no!
:'''Officer McHorn''': ''[grabs the box of donuts]'' Thanks, Clawhauser!
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Clawhauser! Location...?!
:''[Clawhauser reaches for Paul's computer, which has a screensaver on and requires a password. Clawhauser grabs the sticky note on the computer with the password &quot;P@Rt3izFr&amp;BrdZr2&quot; written on it, much to his dismay as he struggles to read it]''      

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Judy, Gary, and Pawbert flipped the switch of the clock tower in the old control room, they return to see if it worked.]''
:'''Pawbert''': Can you see it? Did we turn on the clock tower?
:'''Judy''': ''[looks around and gasps]'' There. ''[spots the clock tower's light]'' It's there!
:'''Pawbert''': ''[gasps in delight]'' We did it! We can find the original patent.
:'''Judy''': ''[sees Nick struggling to open the weather wall door; confused]'' Nick...? The door... it's locked. Wait... How did it lock?
:''[Outside the weather wall, Nick starts panicking as the walls begin to heat up.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[trying to barge in]'' Nibbles, open it! '''Nibbles'''!
:''[In the control room, Judy watches worriedly as Nibbles opens the access door, allowing Nick to enter, then slams the door shut before the flames scorch them.]''
:'''Nibbles''': Dang door stuck on me...
:''[Back in the control room, Judy sees Nibbles helping Nick back up.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs in relief, then chuckles embarrassedly]'' Sorry. Last case, there was kind of a... twist.
:'''Pawbert''': I know. ''[suddenly injects Judy in the neck with snake venom, paralyzing her]'' Oh my gosh. I really... Oh, my heart is pounding. ''[chuckles]'' I thought you knew. I thought you knew.
:'''Gary''': ''[feeling betrayed]'' No! ''[tries to attack Pawbert, but...]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs him by the throat]'' Sorry, partner. ''[throws Gary outside in the snow]'' Hate to leave you out in the cold... But... I'm gonna... Please don't be mad at me, but... I mean, you get it. We've always been on the same page. Me and you. Underdogs, right? You gotta prove you're as good as everyone else, that you belong. I know, it's messed up, but... ''[reloads his venom injector]'' this is my chance. I have to take it. 'Cause when I get to his great-grandma's home and I burn the original patent, I'll finally be something in my family. And I'll finally belong, too.
:'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Judy?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[approaches the monitor]'' Ruh-roh...
:'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Carrots?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[sees Nick looking for Judy; sighs]'' No loose ends.
:''[Judy and Gary watch in horror as Pawbert steals the latter's fanny bag.]''
:'''Pawbert''': Bye, partner. Bye, Judy Hopps. ''[walks past her]''
:'''Judy''': ''[grabs his leg; desperately]'' Pawbert, please... You ''can'' be different than your family...
:'''Pawbert''': ''[pauses; coldly]'' I don't wanna be different. ''[slams the door shut and locks the control room]''
:'''Judy''': ''[worried]'' Nick...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Pawbert leaves the control room after betraying Judy and Gary, he hears Nick climbing the stairs and follows him.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? ''[looks around the corridors]'' Judy? ''[looks down]'' Nibbles, do you see her?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[holding a flashlight]'' No, nothin' yet.
:''[In the control room, Judy struggles to crawl to the door.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[through the monitor]'' Judy?
:'''Gary''': ''[from outside; shivering]'' We shall... succeed, Judy Hopps.
:''[Judy briefly looks at Gary before continuing to crawl. Outside the control room, Nibbles stumbles upon Pawbert.]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[pretends to surrender]'' It's okay. Judy sent me. She... needs to find Nick. ''[injects Nibbles with snake venom]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[unamused]'' Yep. Should've seen that comin'. ''[faints]''
:''[Pawbert walks over Nibbles as he reloads his venom injector.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy?
:''[Back in the control room, Judy is still struggling to reach the door. On the monitors, Nick is climbing the stairs as Pawbert follows him.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[struggling to crawl]'' Nick...
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' We... shall... succeed,... ''[Judy struggles to reach for the door, but collapses]'' Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[weakly]'' I can't... move, and... ''[looks at Gary]'' you're too... cold... to help... ''[off-screen]'' And he's gonna... Nick's gonna...
:''[Thinking Judy is outside, Nick swings the steel door open. Once outside, Nick shields his eyes from the blizzard, looking for Judy.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy,... the world... was never meant... to be... on one animal's... shoulders...
:''[As he turns around, Nick is confronted by Pawbert. Nick warily backs away upon seeing the venom injector in Pawbert's paw.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[crawling to Judy]'' That's why... my great-grandma... wanted... Zootopia... to be... for everyone,... ''[Judy sees Pawbert confronting Nick]'' so we could... ''all''... help each-other.
:'''Judy''': ''[tears up; guilty]'' I... ''didn't''... help.
:''[Outside, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' You ''did''. ''[slowly crawling]'' You chose... to help me... and became... my... best warm-blooded... friend. ''[touches Judy with his tail; his eyes glow]'' ''Very'' warm. ''[senses Judy's body heat; smiles]'' Permission... to hug?
:''[When Judy weakly nods &quot;yes&quot;, Gary softly coils around her as the ice crystals on his scales start melting thanks to Judy's body heat, restoring him.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[sees Pawbert with his fanny bag through the monitor]'' We're gonna save you and save your friend. ''[Judy smiles, then passes out; worried]'' Judy? ''[officers Higgins, Chévre, and Bücheron enter the control room]'' Aah!
:'''Officer Higgins''': ''[points at Gary in fright]'' Hey, he's gonna eat that rabbit!
:'''Gary''': ''[panicked]'' No, wait! ''[backing away]'' I-I'm saving her! I'm gonna get her the anti-pen!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Outside the Sahara-Tundratown weather wall, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert, not noticing his footing.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[about Judy]'' Where is she?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[blankly]'' She, uh... She didn't make it. ''[Nick turns mortified]'' But with snake bites, you... go fast... You'll see.
:''[Inside the control room, Gary, surrounded by officers Higgins and Bloats, quickly swings a telephone at Higgins' head, angering him and Bloats. On the roof, Pawbert aggressively tackles Nick to the ice, trying to stab him with his venom injector. Back in the control room, Chèvre tries to tackle Gary, but he slithers aside while still coiling around a passed-out Judy. Gary tries to leave the control room, but Officer Bücheron stops him from doing so.]''
:'''Gary''': No! ''[looks at Judy, who is losing strength]''
:''[Officer Bloats attacks Gary alongside the other officers as they try to restrain him. Back outside, Nick tries to stop Pawbert from injecting him.]''
:'''Pawbert''': She ''gone'', Nick! Just... get it over with!
:''[As Nick struggles to kick and push Pawbert off him, he kicks at Gary's fanny bag and knocks a bunch of markers out of it that fall down an ice ledge. Back inside the control room, Gary struggles to free himself from the officers until he sees some of his markers falling from outside, then gasps in shock upon seeing through the monitor that Nick is struggling against Pawbert on the roof.]''
:'''Pawbert''': You're done! Know when to '''quit'''!
:''[The ice underneath Nick and Pawbert starts cracking, when suddenly...]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Anti-venom! ''[Nick looks down; pops out]'' You can save her with the anti-venom! Throw me the bag! ''[the officers yank him back inside, revealing Judy's unconscious body]''
:'''Nick''': Judy!
:''[Upon noticing Gary's anti-venom pen, Nick kicks Pawbert off him, flipping each-other over and causing the cliff to crack. Nick and Pawbert start wrestling for the fanny bag until the pen drops out of it towards the edge of the cliff. As the cliff rumbles again, Nick prepares to grab the pen, but...]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs Nick's paw; desperate]'' Leave it! You're gonna kill us both! It's not worth dying for.
:'''Nick''': ''[glances at the anti-venom pen]'' Agree... ''[glares at Pawbert]'' to disagree. ''[shoves Pawbert away, slides down, grabs the anti-venom pen, and throws it to the fire escape, allowing Gary to barely grab it]''
:''[Nick briefly smiles before he starts losing grip as the ledge gives out. In the control room, Gary uncoils Judy and activates his anti-venom pen.]''
:'''Anti-Venom Pen''': Stab me straight into the heart!
:''[As Gary stabs his pen into Judy's heart, she recovers instantly, gasping in shock. Seeing Nick on the verge of falling to his demise, Judy kicks Bloats and Higgins off Gary before knocking Rhinowitz out in a rush to save him. As the cliff shatters, Nick and Pawbert both start to fall to their deaths, but Judy quickly grabs Nick's paw with Gary's help, who grabs Judy, as Pawbert falls]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Gary saved Judy and Nick from falling to their deaths, they look at each-other worriedly before rushing to hug each-other in relief, they both begin weeping]''
:'''Judy''': I was trying to get you...
:'''Nick''': He told me that you... That you were...
:'''Judy''': And I saw you...
:''[Nick and Judy stop hugging and stare at each-other with watery eyes, much to Gary's awkwardness.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[blushing]'' I'll... help your friend. ''[slithers off to help Nibbles]''
:'''Nick''': ''[hesitantly]'' Okay. I- I don't- I don't ''care'' that we're different... you know? I- What I care about… is you. I care about you. Okay? And I didn’t say it. I should've said it, but I didn't... because... ''[shrugs]'' Uh… Well… ''[chuckles nervously]'' 'cause I ''am'' an emotionally insecure source of your discomfort who's not good at expressing his feelings. Probably because I've been on my own my whole life. It's not an excuse; It's just... ''[awkwardly scratches his neck]'' it's why instead of telling you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, ''[Judy smiles]'' I-I make jokes about your ears and-and I tell you that you try too hard, when, you know, the truth is: I just don't want you to get hurt because… because no one else in the world ''matters'' more to me than you do.
:'''Judy''': ''[holding back her tears; talking fast]'' I… I do try too hard because deep down I'm afraid I am what everyone thinks I am, and I suppress my discomfort because I'm worried it makes me look weak and I wanna be strong, and I think I'm failing all the time and I only take what you say personally because you're the only one in my life who ever believed in me, even when I don't even believe in myself. And I should have told you that… ''[pouts]'' No one else in the ''world'' matters to me more than you do, either...
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses; almost entranced]'' I have unresolved childhood trauma that I refuse to discuss because being vulnerable scares me.
:'''Judy''': I make dangerous choices because I have an unhealthy bunny hero complex.
:'''Nick''': ''[teary]'' And I didn’t join the ZPD because I wanted to be a cop; I joined because I always wanted to be part of a pack… and the thought of losing you scares me because… ''[whispering softly]'' because you’re my pack.
:'''Judy''': ''[sobbing]'' I should never have left you. And I ''do'' need a herd of therapy animals, and I should've told you that you're the only partner I would ever want because… you're my fluffle.
:'''Nick''': ''[perplexed]'' Hm... Um...?
:'''Judy''': ''[crying]'' That's a bunch of rabbits!
:''[Nick and Judy giggle as the former smiles at her warmly and the latter wipes her tears away.]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[after she got healed; arrives with Gary beside her]'' Whoo! Now ''that'' is what we call an overshare. I’m alive, by the way. I made it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are closing in on Pawbert as he reaches the clock tower, when a chasm tears open between them.]''
:'''Judy''': I'm gonna jump! ''[leaps outside the snowcat, ready to do so, but...]''
:'''Nick''': ''[playfully grabs her paw]'' Zoogetherness! Huh? ''[serious]'' No, never mind. Forget I said it; here we go! ''[leaps off the snowcat with Judy, knocking the gasoline and matches away from Pawbert]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[frantically digging in the snow]'' Matches, matches, matches, matches!
:''[When Pawbert finds the matchbox, it suddenly vanishes in the snow, much to his surprise.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[pops out of the hole]'' Bunnies... we're burrowers. Rabbit kick! ''[kicks at Pawbert, allowing Nick to trip him, then fist bumps Nick]''
:''[However, Pawbert emerges from the snow, growling and grinning evilly, as he pounces on Nick and Judy and strangles them, ready to tear them apart.]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[insanely]'' I'll destroy the patent, that town, and ''everything'' in it. And a '''dirtbag fox''' and a ''[pushes Judy's head deeper in the snow]'' '''dumb bunny''' will ''never'' stand in my way!
:''[Nick and Judy briefly exchange glances before the former glares at Pawbert.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[under his breath; defensively]'' She's not a dumb bunny and you're forgetting one thing...! ''[smirks]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grinning]'' What's that?
:'''Nick''': We're friends with a snake!

==Taglines==
* Hopps works hard, Wilde plays it cool.
* They're back with a twissst.
* Zootopia will be changed furrrever!

==Cast==
* {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — Judy Hopps
* {{w|Jason Bateman}} — Nick Wilde
* [[Ke Huy Quan]] — Gary De'Snake
* [[w:Fortune Feimster|Fortune Feimster]] — Nibbles Maplestick
* [[Andy Samberg]] — Pawbert Lynxley
* {{w|David Strathairn}} — Milton Lynxley
* [[Shakira]] — Gazelle
* [[Idris Elba]] — Chief Bogo
* [[Patrick Warburton]] — Mayor Brian Winddancer  
* {{w|Quinta Brunson}} — Dr. Fuzzby
* [[Danny Trejo]] — Jesús
* [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Duke Weaselton
* {{w|Nate Torrence}} — Officer Benjamin Clawhauser
* {{w|Don Lake}} — Stu Hopps
* {{w|Bonnie Hunt}} — Bonnie Hopps
* {{w|Jenny Slate}} — Dawn Bellwether
* {{w|Cecily Strong}} — Little Judith
* John Anoa'i and Phil Brooks — Gene Zebraxton and Gene Zebrowski
* {{w|Michelle Gomez}} — Captain Hoggbottom
* {{w|Josh Gad}} — Paul Moldebrant
* {{w|Peter Mansbridge}} — Peter Moosebridge
* [[w:Tiny Lister|Tiny Lister]] — Finnick

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Zootopia 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=26443597|title=Zootopia 2}}

[[Category:2025 films]]
[[Category:2025 American animated films]]
[[Category:2025 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Films about snakes]]
[[Category:Films about lizards]]
[[Category:Animated films about big cats]]
[[Category:Animated films about horses]]
[[Category:Films with archival recordings]]
[[Category:Films directed by Jared Bush]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951931</id>
      <parentid>3951928</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T04:46:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Leahjac1998</username>
        <id>3069267</id>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3951931</origin>
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      <text bytes="51994" sha1="ohls5n3392gj75dufevv32wmjs25e9w" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Zootopia 2}}''''' (known as '''''Zootropolis 2''''' in some European countries) is a 2025 American animated [[w:Buddy cop|buddy cop]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 64th feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Zootopia]]'', it follows Judy Hopps (voiced by [[w: Ginnifer Goodwin|Ginnifer Goodwin]]) and Nick Wilde (voiced by [[w:Jason Bateman|Jason Bateman]]) as they pursue reptile Gary De'Snake (voiced by [[w:Ke Huy Quan|Ke Huy Quan]]) across Zootopia and try to clear their names after being framed.
:''Directed by {{w|Jared Bush}} and {{w|Byron Howard}}. Written by Jared Bush.''
{{center|1='''They're back with a twissst.'''}}

{{film-stub}}
==Judy Hopps==
* Hopps and Wilde in pursuit of suspect!
* Stop in the name of the law!
* ''[looking around Nick's apartment]'' Yikes... No wonder you never invite me over. ''['''Nick:''' Foxes are solitary.]''
* Stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears! Never pull a bunny's ears, never pull a bunny's ears!
* We have to solve this case.
* You know, I used to dream... of infiltrating a place like this.
* Check the perimeter, snoop a little, we find nothing, we bail. But if I'm right, no-one will question whether you and I belong together again. We need this.
* We took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run.
* The sooner everyone sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better.
* Agree to disagree.

==Nick Wilde==
* Sorry, could you show me that clip again? Wasn't wearing my glasses.
* Play it smart, stay off the radar, and don't let them get to you, okay? 'Cause we are the dream... team. ''[accidentally throws the soda can through the wall]'' Sorry, Paul. ''[Paul frustratedly growls and the soda can sprays him away]''
* No snake has set foot in Zootopia in forever, okay? Even if they had feet.
* Well, can't win 'em all.
* ''[upon seeing Chief Bogo at the Zootennial Gala]'' Bogo alert.
* Oh, is my ''discomfort'' hilarious to you?
* Oh my god -- a viper! ''A vindow viper.'' Ja? ''[laughs]''
* You know, this is not your worst idea. ''['''Judy''': Wow, that was almost a compliment.]'' Your worst idea is what you did with your ears. ''[Judy punches him in the stomach]''
* You're the one who said we needed a bust. Just follow my lead, okay? Act casual.
* You want to fit in? Commando is not gonna cut it. It's not just the clothes, okay? ''[in a cool tone]'' It is the ''vibe''.
* Carrots, hey, I would like to call a partner meeting!
* Hey, Flash, Flash, 100-yard dash! Partner's in trouble, need to get across town, ignore the laws. ''['''Flash''': No... problem!]''

==Gary De'Snake==
* I'm really sorry, but this is my family's only chance to return home.
* Hurt him? Snakes never hurt anyone. We aren't the bad guys. They are. And this journal holds the secret that will prove it. I have to prove it. Please. This is my only chance to set things right, and when I do, my family will finally be able to come home.
* We shall succeed.
* Permission to hug?

==Nibbles Maplestick==
* If you wanna talk to a reptile, I am your gal.
* When Zootopia was founded, this whole neighborhood got cut off from the rest of the town. It's the only place where you can get away with wearing a shirt and no pants.
* Breathe it in!
* Zootopia has a secret reptile population.
* It takes two to tango, but a threesome to be some!
* It takes a threesome to be some, but a fourway to bust your doorway!

==Pawbert Lynxley==
* ''[to Judy; chuckling as he holds out his paw]'' Paw! Uh, Pawbert. I am Pawbert. Hi.
* '''I'M GONNA ''BURN'' IT ALL TO THE''' '''''GROUND!''''' '''I'M A REAL''' '''''LYNXLEY!''''' ''[maniacally laughs before he gets knocked out with a frying pan from behind]''

==Gazelle==
* I will remember you, zebra!
* We are with you, Judy Hopps.
* We meet again, zebra.
* Here come the horns!

==Dialogue==
:'''Peter Moosebridge''': New mayor and former actor, Brian Winddancer, hailed the two during celebrations for the 100th anniversary of the invention of Zootopia’s weather walls, that allowed all environments and all animals to co-exist in one city.
:''[At Zootopia's City Hall, the new mayor, Winddancer gives a speech in-front of the Zootopian crowds.]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': This is our Zootennial! And if a lowly country bunny and a shifty, likely criminal fox can ignore their vast, vast differences and solve bias and stereotype forever, then maybe we can all embrace our differences and be ''better Zoogether''.
:''[As cameras flash, Judy and Nick find themselves in the light, Nick looks the littlest bit uncomfortable, while Judy looks proud and ready to seize the day.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[Judy adjusts Nick’s tie, tosses off his sunglasses, and fixes his posture.]'' We’re gonna crack a new case, make the world a better place, and be the greatest partners of all time! ''[chuckles as she playfully punches Nick]'' I mean, we’re not that different. ''[A camera flashes at their poses]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Antony Snootley, the customs inspector, realizing Judy and Nick are cops.]''
:'''Finnick''': ''[spits out his pacifier and looks up at him]'' Toot toot.
:'''Antony Snootley''': ''[gasps in panic]'' It's the '''''FUZZ!''''' ''[pushes Nick aside and runs]''
:'''Judy''': Stop! Stop in the name of the law!
:'''Antony Snootley''': Everybody run! ''[drives off in the catering van]''
:'''Nick''': Well, can't win 'em all.
:''[Behind Nick and Judy, the frantic pig in a hog rod fiercely honks at them.]''
:'''Frantic Pig''': Get outta the road, you dumb bunny!
:'''Judy''': ''[scoffs]'' Agree to disagree.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Judy and Nick are in Chief Bogo's office, the latter groans, as he and the other ZPD officers are displeased with them ruining Ebenezer Lynxley's statue.]''
:'''Judy''': Sir, today may not have been ideal, but the anteater was captured...
:'''Chief Bogo''': By the Zebros!
:'''Zebros''': ZEBROS!! ''[they both high-five]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': SHUT IT!!!
:'''Zebros''': &lt;small&gt; Zebros... &lt;/small&gt;
:'''Judy''': It was us. But more importantly, I believe that we have made a significant discovery. ''[opens a case file]'' The stolen van contained a smuggled crate from overseas, pamphlets for the Zootennial, and some type of reptile skin. I've already sent samples for testing. And...
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[slams his hoof down on the case file]'' What needs testing is ''you''! You two tore up ''half the city''! Because of ''you'', we had to call in Jumbo Unit ''[turns on the TV to show a news report of Zeke, a dik-dik struggling in a tuba]'' to remove a '''DIK-DIK FROM A TUBA!!!!'''
:'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' You're almost out! You're gonna be--
:'''Zeke''': ''[on TV; panicked]'' Please no, please NO...!
:''[An elephant officer picks up the tuba and blows through it with his trunk, launching Zeke into the air.]''
:'''Otter''': ''[on TV]'' Who's catching him?!
:'''Nick''': Sorry. Could you show me that clip again? ''[puts on his pig sunglasses]'' Wasn't wearing my glasses. ''[Judy glares at him]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': Did you or did you not disobey a direct order to ''stand down''?!
:'''Judy''': Sir, we were in pursuit, and Article 6, Paragraph B states if the lead officers think that--
:'''Fern Hoggbottom''': ''You'' are not lead officers! You're one-hit wonders who should go back to meter-maiding and sligging Pawpsicles!
:'''Nick''': ''If'' I may, I think someone's just jealous that we got to drive the Squealmobile. ''[Fern snorts in shock]'' Or... maybe you thought it was your mama!
:''[Fern squeals in anger.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ENOUGH!!! Everybody, ''[in high-pitched voice]'' out!
:''[The ZPD officers (except Judy and Nick) leave Bogo's office.]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[sighs; to Judy]'' Officer Hopps, despite my best efforts to avoid it, I like you. But this need to... overdo it made both of you a headline today. And it reflects badly on me, on the department, and, frankly, on any bunny hoping to follow in your footsteps. Not every case to going to save the world.
:''[Judy comtemplates about what Chief Bogo said, until...]''
:'''Nick''': ''[interrupts]'' Knock, knock. ''[standing next to a waste bin]'' Hi. You know, this kinda... this sounds a lot like a... &quot;just a you guys&quot; conversation, so what I'm gonna do is: I'm gonna go ahead and... ''[prepares to leave]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[rolls his eyes]'' Is there a reason why you don't take ''anything'' seriously?
:'''Nick''': Jokes are a classic defensive mechanism for someone with a traumatic childhood.
:'''Chief Bogo''': ''[glares at Nick]'' Would you like a traumatic ''adulthood''?
:'''Nick''': ''[opens his mouth to retort before removing his glasses and backing away]'' I would not. 
:'''Chief Bogo''': I allowed you to work together because you did this city a great service, but today, you messed it all up. And now, some are questioning whether you should have been partners in the first place.
:'''Judy''': But, sir...
:'''Chief Bogo''': So, instead of chasing imaginary reptiles, I am pulling you from the field...
:'''Judy''': ''[shocked]'' What?! ''[Nick frowns]''
:'''Chief Bogo''': ...and giving you a new assignment, reserved for special teams like yourselves. Fail at this, and I will have no choice but to ''split you up''. There will be no more Hopps and Wilde. ''[Judy and Nick exchange worried glances]'' But... if you're as good as you think you are, ''[gives Nick the flyer]'' this is your moment to shine. ''[shuts the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are in Partners in Crisis with Dr. Fuzzby, the ZPD quokka therapist, and the other officers.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Welcome to Partners in Crisis, a workshop for duos heading for disaster. ''[chuckles]'' I am your therapy animal, Dr. Fuzzby, and you are here because mismatched pairings often need a little more work to make them... work.
:''[An armadillo officer, Greg is grooming his partner's fur, picking out bugs. His partner, Marlon Grizzby, is gesturing in a way showing he's uncomfortable.]'' 
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Greg, we talked about that. 
:''[Greg pauses and stops grooming Marlon, sighing and groaning.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': What are we making Marlon? Uncomfortable. Yes. 
:''[An elephant officer, Francine, screams when she see a mouse, Clark.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And Francine, Clark may be a mouse, but he is your partner first.
:''[Officer Clark squeaks, and Francine hits her forehead.]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': And we have two new ''“apart-ners.”''
:''[All the officers look at Judy and Nick.]'' 
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[to Judy]'' Can you tell us about your journey to ''dysfunction junction''?
:'''Judy''': ''[looks around awkwardly]'' Well, we’ve been official partners for one week, ''[poking Nick]'' happy anni-versa-ry! And we're not dysfunctional at all, actually. Functioning fine - better than fine! And we ''did'' sorta save the city, so us being here kinda seems like a ''huge'' misunderstanding.
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[nodding; to the rest of the group]'' Notice how she answered first, did not allow her partner to speak, seems to be in a state of denial, ''[Judy looks at her disturbingly]'' and taps her foot when she's suppressing discomfort.
:''[Judy notices her foot is tapping and stops it. Nick smiles and chuckles]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': ''[notices]'' And observe the source of her discomfort, represented by the disconnected affectation of her emotionally-insecure partner.
:''[Nick frowns as Judy smirks at him]''
:'''Marlon''': Oh...
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': But with hard work, they'll be on the same page by year two! ''[Judy and Nick stare confusedly]'' But for now, let's begin by greeting our teammate. Who'd like to go first? ''[Joel, an elk, raises his hoof]'' Thank you, Joel.
:''[Joel smiles at Karen, a honey badger, who proceeds to choke him]''
:'''Dr. Fuzzby''': Okay, unfortunately, Karen has chosen to see Joel's smile as a sign of aggression. ''[starts spraying]'' Hackles down, Karen. Karen, hackles down. ''[singing]'' Joel, the safe word is &quot;coconut&quot;.
:'''Joel''': ''[while Karen chokes him]'' Coconut! '''Coconut'''!
:''[Nick and Judy exchange shocked looks]'' 
:'''Judy Hopps''': We have to set another meeting with the chief. Promise we’ll be better. ''[as she opens her locker, she finds it filled with insults about the pursuit, courtesy of the Zebros, she glares at them in annoyance]'' 
:'''Zebros''': ''[arrogantly]'' (In your face, loser.) Zebros. ''[high-hoof each other in terrible pride]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Judy and Nick leave the ZPD building, the other officers mock them for destroying Ebenezer Lynxley's statue]''
:'''Gene Zebrowski''': ''[mockingly]'' Look, everybody! Roll out the red carpet, here's the Super Cops! Woo!
:'''Higgins''': Ça marche! Allonzi!
:'''Bloats''': Woo!
:'''Sheep cop''': Fox and bunny!
:'''Gene Zebraxton''': Hey, what does the fox say? You suck!
:''[Upon realizing Zebraxton insulted Nick, Judy tries to confront him about it]''
:'''Nick''': ''[fondly pushes Judy away]'' Easy, partner. ''[leaves the building with Judy]'' Let me ask you somethin': Do you think we're a good team?
:'''Judy''': Of course! I just... I just wish I knew what we had to do to ''prove'' it to everyone else.
:'''Nick''': Or... maybe we don't have to prove anything to anybody.
:''[Judy and Nick look behind them, seeing the ZPD officers still taunting them from behind the door]''
:'''Judy''': Hm... ''[smiles]'' We do. Forever. ''[throws a &quot;Partnership for Dummies&quot; book to Nick]'' 
:'''Nick''': ''[catches the book]'' Oof! ''[gazes at the book curiously]''
:'''Judy''': And the sooner everyone ''[as Nick gazes at her]'' sees a fox and a bunny can be great partners, the better. ''[walks away as Nick amorously gazes at the book]'' Enjoy it! I got two!
:'''Nick''': ''[singing]'' I'd rather chew off my own arm.
:'''Judy''': ''[waving from a distance]'' Happy anniversary!
:''[Nick stares at the book Judy gave him, scoffing softly as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy enters her apartment and muzzletimes her parents, Bonnie and Stu]''
:'''Bonnie''': ''[on videocall, calling Judy]'' So, saw you on TV. You okay?
:'''Judy''': [''closes the door with her foot]'' Everything's fine, Mom.
:'''Stu''': ''[via MuzzleTime]'' Uh-oh, everyone knows &quot;fine&quot; is a cry for help. ''[Judy slides her stack of books onto her bed]'' You know what else cried for help? That dik-dik stuck in that tuba.
:'''Bonnie''': Oh, him and that dik-dik. ''[Judy rolls her eyes]'' What does your fox partner say?
:''[As the scene switches to Nick's apartment, where Nick is on the couch, popping open a jar of peanut butter, as he settles in to watch a Winddancer action movie on Deersney+. His feet lay on a coffee table and contents spill.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[voiceover]'' Well, Nick’s not really a... talker.
:'''Bonnie''': ''[phone call voiceover]'' Well, you two are very different. 
:''[Nick sits in his small apartment. He looks at his &quot;Partnership for DUMMIES&quot; book, but he didn't use it to read it; instead, he uses it to balance his coffee table.]'' 
:'''Bonnie''': Small-town hero raised on a farm--
:''[The scene switches back to Judy's apartment with Judy on her phone.]''
:'''Stu''': ''[on phone screen]'' --big city crook raised on the streets.
:'''Gram Gram''': ''[as she grabs Stu's phone in the video call]'' I pray every day that you’ll come back home and make babies!
:'''Bonnie''': Mom!
:'''Stu''': ''[after taking the phone from Gram Gram]'' Just remember the first rule of partnerships: you can be right or you can be happy.
:'''Bonnie''': That's true.
:'''Stu''': There’s nothing wrong with dying a little inside so you can meet in the middle.
:'''Judy''': Guys--
:'''Bonnie''': ''[as Stu pushes her out of the picture]'' Okay honey, you’re pushing me out.
:'''Stu''': I wanna make sure I can be seen.
:'''Bonnie''': Well, if she could see both of us--
:'''Judy''': Okay! Gotta go! Work to do--
:'''Bonnie''': Bye, Bun-Bun.
:'''Stu''': Everything’s gonna be fine. You two just need a new case! Hey, maybe try to find that dik-dik!
:'''Judy''': ''[starting to end the call]'' Got it. Love you. Bye! ''[hangs up]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Gary De'Snake reveals himself in front of everyone at the Zootennial Gala]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': '''''THERE'S A SNAKE!!!!!'''''
:''[The Zootopians start running and screaming]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[During the chase scene at the Lynxley Manor, a lion chef's hat is knocked off, revealing [[w:Ratatouille (film)|a rat/mouse controlling him by pulling his mane.]]]''
:'''French Chef''': ''[gasps; points at the lion]'' I knew it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Judy and Nick escape from the Lynxley Manor, Milton questions Mayor Winddancer. Cattrick and Kitty face him as well, standing on either side of Milton.]''
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': Uh, we, uh... We're gonna take that snake down.
:'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[angrily]'' And the fox and that ''rabbit!'' Do you know how many mayors they've already destroyed?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[thinks while tapping the floor two times with his back hoof]'' 1, 2... I got up to 2.
:'''Milton Lynxley''': Would you like to be 3?! ''[Mayor Winddancer shakes his head &quot;no&quot;]'' I want them gone!
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': But aren't there... ''laws?''
:'''Milton Lynxley''': ''[coming closer to Winddancer]'' I will say this once, ''Brian.'' You will retrieve the journal and bury them. Or maybe I chose the wrong mayor. Did I choose the wrong mayor?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[gulps]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mr. Big’s polar bears, Raymond and Kevin, put Judy and Nick in the trunk of his limousine and take them to Fru Fru&quot;s purse warehouse.]''
:'''Fru Fru''': Welcome to my warehouse! ''[to Judy]'' Oh my god, I love your dress.
:'''Judy''': Oh, thank you.
:'''Mr. Big''': Fru Fru and I are now equal partners in the family business. She brings wonderful ideas for crime and for fashion, while I get more time to focus on what matters most: Being grand-papa to my little Judith.
:''[Fru Fru's daughter, a toddler shrew named Judith, walks over.]''
:'''Judith''': ''[holds out her hand, wearing a candy ring on one of her fingers]'' Kiss my ring! 
:''[Nick smiles at Judy, chuckling in amusement.]''
:'''Mr. Big''': '''KISS THE STINKING RING RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!'''
:'''Fru Fru''': '''KISS IT! YOU KISS IT RIGHT NOW! KISS IT!'''
:''[Nick quickly and awkwardly kisses Judith's ring.]''
:'''Judith''': Nonno, you said we were gonna make cement shoes for Mr. Weaselton.
:'''Mr. Big''': Ah, that's my girl. ''[Judith grins maliciously]''
:'''Nick''': They grow up so fast.
:'''Mr. Big''': '''YOU RUN YOUR MOUTH TOO MUCH!'''
:'''Fru Fru''': '''THAT'S MY DAUGHTER! YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FOX!''' ''[Nick flinches as Judy glares at him, which he notices and gives her a shrug with a &quot;What?&quot; look]''
:'''Mr. Big''': Anyways, you're in trouble, and we like one of yous, so we're here to help.
:'''Fru Fru''': ''[a polar bear gives Nick a duffel bag]'' New clothes, new identities, truck outta town leaves in an hour, and your meter-maid cart is taken care of.
:''[A polar bear throws Judy and Nick's meter-maid cart in a trash compactor before praying to himself.]''
:'''Judy''': I think you misunderstand. We've been framed by the lynxes, and an innocent snake needs our...
:'''Mr. Big''': ''[as Judith climbs on his lap]'' Judy, the Lynxleys are killers, and they have no honor, and this Tundratown expansion only makes them more dangerous. Territorial animals will do anything for more land. So, if whatever you're tangled up in threatens their plans, you're dead. You don't fight the cats, you leave.
:'''Judy''': Sir, I know you're trying to look out for us, but we took an oath to protect this city, and justice doesn't run.
:'''Nick''': ''[wearing a fake moustache]'' On behalf of myself, ''[reads his and Judy's fake I.D.'s]'' Rick Wilde and Miss Trudy... Cabbagepatch. We thank you for your truck to salvation and... ''[Judy rips off his fake moustache]'' Yow!
:'''Judy''': We cannot accept your offer. We are helping that snake.
:'''Nick''': ''[muttering]'' Boy, you're really tossing that &quot;we&quot; around.
:'''Judy''': Snakes may have been framed for the fanging of that tortoise. Do you have any idea why or how this book could prove it? ''[shows the journal to Mr. Big]''
:'''Mr. Big''': I wish I did. But if it has to do with snakes, your best bet is talking to a reptile.
:'''Judy''': Do you know any?
:'''Mr. Big''': Almost no one does. They keep to themselves, hide out in Marsh Market.
:'''Fru Fru''': But you can still find 'em. You just need to find a reptile expert, someone local who knows where to go. Lucky for you, I met someone. ''[gives Judy Nibbles' business card]'' She runs a podcast!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[To uncover the secret of the journal, Judy and Nick are tasked with consulting Nibbles for help, much to Nick's dismay.]''
:'''Nick''': No, no, Trudy Cabbagepatch; Rick Wilde says &quot;''no''&quot;.
:'''Nibbles''': Oh, yeah! ''[drives by Nick and Judy]'' If Hopps and Wilde are on the lam, subtle sleuthin' 'tis my jam! ''[kicks her car's passenger door open]'' Woo! ''[dusts off the seats]'' Mind the splinters. ''[Judy tries to pull Nick toward the car as he resists]'' Oh, you called the right beaver. If you wanna talk to a reptile, I ''am'' your gal. Also, if you need to talk to a jackalope, which are ''real'', Mom!
:'''Nick''': ''[chuckles as he pulls Judy away]'' Excuse us; Team meeting. ''[to Judy]'' Vetoing the beave, new vote. ''[raises his paw and tail]'' All in favor of truck to being alive and laying low 'til this blows over-ville? ''[chuckles]'' I mean...
:'''Judy''': Hopps and Wilde do not bail on a case.
:'''Nick''': ''[whispering about Nibbles]'' But she's crazy; Probably lead poisoning from eating too many pencils! ''[sees Nibbles chewing on two pencils and spitting out a splinter]''
:'''Judy''': Do you know a reptile who can tell us the hidden secret in here or why lynxes framed the snakes? ''[Nick tries to answer, but sighs in defeat]'' Twenty-four hours, sunrise tomorrow. If we strike out, then we go into hiding and Judy Cabbagepatch it is. ''[extends her paw to Nick]''
:'''Nick''': ''[groans reluctantly as the truck drives away]'' It's ''Trudy'' Cabbagepatch and the safe word is &quot;coconut&quot;. ''[steps in the car alongside Judy]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[to herself]'' In the darkness of a dank underpass, they stepped into the vehicle, not realizing their lives were about to change.
:'''Judy''': Because... we're gonna meet a reptile?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[excited]'' Because you're about to be best buds with ''Nibbles Maplestick''! ''[Judy smiles, while Nick looks at her in surprise]'' Takes two to tango, but a threesome to be somethin'! ''[drives off to Marsh Market]'' Let's find you a reptile and romp the swamp!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[At the Marsh Market, Judy and Nick were walking with Nibbles to the dock to take a ferry to get to the reptile hideout]''
:'''Nick''': Well, I've been hustling the streets since I was twelve. I think I can handle a juggling seal.
:''[A sea lion juggler who is nearby gives Nick an annoyed look.]''
:'''Nibbles''': '''''Sea'' lion.''' ''[to the sea lion juggler]'' He's not from around here.
:'''Nick''': But coin's a coin. ''[drops a coin into the sea lion's bucket]''
:'''Nibbles''': Oh no, change... ''[takes the coin out of the bucket with a sign says, &quot;No change, only fish&quot;]'' is a choking hazard.
:'''Nick''': Well, honest mistake. ''[pats the sea lion on the flipper, causing him to roar at him.]''
:'''Nibbles''': '''Do not do that!''' ''[points to a sign that says, &quot;Do not touch.&quot;]''
:'''Judy''': Let's let Nibbles handle this.
:'''Nibbles''': Thank you, Judith. ''[ushers Judy and Nick down the dock as the sea lion glares]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nibbles''': Conversing with these beautiful sea creatures is like talkin' to anyone a little different. Just takes open and respectful communication. ''[throws a large fish in Judy and Nick's arms and rings a bell; a large walrus named Russ emerges from the water with a plunger]'' Hey, bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bubba, hey.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub, hey.
:'''Nibbles''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub.
:'''Russ''': Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub. ''[mimics a record scratching]''
:'''Russ''': Hey, pfft, bub-bub.
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub, pfft, bubby-bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub, pfft! Hey, bub. Hey-ho!
:'''Nibbles''': Hey, bub-bub.
:'''Russ''': Hey, bub.
:''[Nick and Judy exchange confused glances]''
:'''Nibbles''': Seen Jesús?
:'''Russ''': Yup. ''[grabs the fish with his plunger, eats it, and dives back into the water, soaking Nick]''
:'''Nick''': ''[removes his soaked hat]'' And now, we leave town.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Nick and Judy are chasing Gary throughout Marsh Market with Nibbles' help]''
:'''Nibbles''': Pro tip: If he goes for the red line, do ''not'' follow! You ''will'' run out of air! Good luck! I LOVE YOU!
:''[As Nick follows Judy, who is still chasing Gary, the latter looks behind him and swallows the journal]''
:'''Gary''': Cannonball! ''[leaps into the red line water tube]''
:''[Having disobeyed Nibbles' warning, Judy promptly follows Gary into the red line tube.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Hopps, no, that's the red line! Red line, red line! ''[sees Judy jumping into the red line]'' You're gonna run out of air! Coconut, '''coconut'''! ''[leaps into the red line after Judy and Gary]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Much to his frustration, Nick is forced to abort his and Judy's pursuit of Gary by opening an emergency exit, landing them at the base of Copenhoofen.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[worried]'' Are you okay?
:'''Judy''': Yeah, yes. Uh... You?
:'''Nick''': ''[drying himself]'' Um, well, uh, I feel some... sorries, uh, may be in order.
:'''Judy''': ''[pats Nick's knee]'' Nick, it's okay. I know you didn't wanna lose him on purpose.
:'''Nick''': ''[incredulously]'' Oh, not me sorry. No, no. ''[points at Judy]'' You sorry.
:'''Judy''': ''[nonchalantly wringing her ears]'' Well, now we kinda have no way to find him or stop the lynxes, so... agree to disagree. ''[flicks her ears at Nick, throwing water at his face]''
:'''Nick''': But... we are alive. So, if we can't find him, that's great. What we ''can'' find... is a truck outta here. ''[tries to spray water at Judy, but smacks his snout with his tail]'' Gah.
:''[Judy and Nick exchange glares before the former sees Gary's fanny pack hanging from the emergency exit. Judy opens the fanny pack, finding markers and a old box of matches with a flower on it.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[uninterested]'' Box of old matches... helpful. Trudy Cabbagepatch, leaving ''town''; We're done. ''[tries to walk away]''
:'''Jürgen''': ''[off-screen]'' Yodelayhehoo!
:''[Nick and Judy look up and see two mountain goats hiking the cliff.]''
:'''Jürgen''': This is weird place for you to be.
:'''Berthold''': Ja, very weird.
:'''Jürgen''': Ach, they fell out of ze tube. ''[takes out his phone]'' Okay, we will call police to help!
:'''Judy''': No! No, we're fine.
:'''Nick''': Yep, but we were just leaving town.
:'''Judy''': Actually, um, do you happen to know where this tube goes?
:'''Berthold''': Oh, Copenhoofen. ''[points at a distance]''
:'''Jürgen''': Ja, ist Copenhoofen. ''[starts coughing]''
:'''Judy''': Got it, thank you-
:'''Berthold''': Ah, you chew too much. This is not... ''[does the heimlich maneuver on Jürgen, making him spit half-chewed yellow flowers at Nick, much to his disgust as he dusts them off]''
:'''Judy''': ''[takes a flower off Nick and examines it]'' Where did... Where did you find these flowers?
:'''Jürgen''': Oh, the Liebchenflower? ''[points above]'' Ze tippity-top of ze mountain. Uh, zis is ze only place zey grow.
:'''Nick''': ''[frustrated; to himself]'' Oh, boy...
:'''Judy''': Is... ''[to Jürgen and Berthold]'' Uh... Is there anything ''else'' up there?
:'''Nick''': Nope, there sure isn't.
:'''Berthold''': Oh, ja; ''[Nick groans]'' Old Honeymoon Lodge, but is closed for a long time because was hideout for snakes.
:''[Upon hearing the word &quot;snakes&quot;, Nick rolls his eyes.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[flips the matchbox]'' Honeymoon Lodge... ''[Nick sighs]'' H-How do you reach it?
:'''Berthold''': Oh, tourists take ze tram from Copenhoofen, but ze rope is faster!
:''[Judy excitedly punches a frustrated Nick before heading to the rope.]''
:'''Jürgen''': Good luck! ''[on the other side]'' Have fun at the Honeymoon Lodge!
:'''Nick''': ''[annoyed]'' Thank you!
:''[Judy and Nick are climbing Copenhoofen, with the latter struggling to keep up with the former, who wears Gary's fanny pack]''
:'''Judy''': ''[climbing; to herself]'' What does this secret... have to do with the reptiles? How did it get hidden in the journal in the first place.
:'''Nick''': ''[exhausted]'' Will you slow down...? ''[starts slipping on his rope, much to his annoyance]''
:'''Judy''': ''[looks down]'' How long do you think it's gonna be before Hoggbottom and the ZPD figure out where we are? ''[keeps climbing]'' If anything, we should be going faster. As I always say...
:'''Judy's voice''': ''[through carrot pen; off-screen]'' I really am just a dumb bunny.
:'''Judy''': ''[looks down; smiling forcedly]'' Nick...
:''[Nick is replaying the recording on his carrot pen, smiling smugly, forcing Judy to zip down to him]''
:'''Judy''': ''[angrily grabs the carrot pen from Nick, spiraling him]'' ''This'' was a gift to symbolize our partnership. And it is not appropriate for this moment.
:'''Nick''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, no, I was just... ''[chuckles]'' hoping to jot down some ideas for what we will put on our tombstones. I'll start: &quot;His partner did it!&quot; ''[snatches the carrot pen back]''
:'''Judy''': ''[confused]'' What happened to you that you can't just have a normal conversation?
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses, then breathes deeply]'' ''I'' will save that for my therapy animal. ''[slips on his rope]''
:'''Judy''': Yeah. ''[snatches back the carrot pen]'' You ''need'' a therapy animal!
:'''Nick''': ''[snatches back the carrot pen]'' Oh, yeah?! Well, you need a ''herd'' of therapy animals. ''[starts to fight over the carrot pen with Judy]'' Yeah, you need a ''whole'' migration of therapy animals!
:''[As Nick tries to keep the carrot pen away from Judy, he pulls the carrot pen out of Judy's grasp, making them slip, and Nick to accidentally knock his paw on the cliff, causing the carrot pen to fall on a nearby rock. As Judy and Nick try to save it, they knock paws, making the pen fall all the way down the cliff, breaking into pieces on the ground, leaving Nick shocked and Judy heartbroken and hurt. Nick shamefully sees Judy's hurt expression as she starts to turn mad, giving Nick the silent treatment when she climbs up the cliff, leaving Nick feeling ashamed for her. Judy reaches the Honeymoon Lodge and unclips herself before entering it. Later, Nick reaches the Honeymoon Lodge.]''
:'''Nick''': Carrots? ''[sighs before unclipping himself and following Judy]''
:
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:'''Judy''': ''[hurries to grab evidence]'' We need it to solve the case.
:'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' Judy, just—
:'''Judy''': ''[not listening to him]'' We ''have'' to solve the case, Nick.
:'''Nick''': ''[fed-up]'' I don't care about the case! ''[Judy becomes shocked to hear what he said; stutters and sighs]'' Judy, it's not worth dying for.
:'''Judy''': ''[turns to him]'' The world will never be a better place if no one is brave enough to do the right thing. 
:'''Nick''': The world is what it ''is'', Carrots. And-and sometimes, being a hero, it just... doesn't make a difference.
:'''Judy''': ''[pauses, then sighs]'' I think, uh... ''[Nick looks at her sympathetically]'' I think... Maybe... Maybe we ''are'' different.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Outside the destroyed Honeymoon Lodge, officers Chèvre and Bücheron bring a paw-cuffed Nick, who is glaring daggers, in front of Hoggbottom and Mayor Winddancer.]''
:'''Hoggbottom''': Mayor Winddancer?
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[approaches Nick and removes his shades; about Judy]'' Where's the bunny?
:'''Nick''': ''[snarkily]'' I dunno. But, you know, she's a rabbit, so maybe you can pull her out of your hat.
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[pauses]'' I'm not wearing a hat.
:'''Hoggbottom''': ''[whispering]'' He's messing with you, sir.
:'''Mayor Winddancer''': ''[dismissively]'' I knew that! Get him out of here!
:''[Officers Bücheron and Chèvre throw Nick in the prison van and slam the doors shut.]''
:'''Milton''': ''[approaches Nick]'' Where are they, Mr. Wilde? ''[Nick turns away in denial; to Cattrick]'' Begin the expansion. Freeze Marsh Market. Flush everyone out.
:'''Nick''': ''[overhears him; worried]'' No... you can't...
:'''Milton''': Water folk, like foxes, are lesser mammals. If I say they helped a dangerous snake, no one will care what we do. ''[digs his claws in Nick, who groans in pain]'' You're going to a dark cell, Mr. Wilde, just long enough to read the headline of your partner's demise. ''[takes his claws off Nick, who glares angrily]'' You should've left town while you had the chance.
:''[The prison van drives away with Nick.]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[holding a fur sample]'' Dad. Fur from... ''[gives the sample]'' whoever's helping the bunny and the snake.
:'''Milton''': ''[angrily clutches the bag]'' Find Pawbert!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Nick is locked up in prison by Hoggbottom for being a fugitive]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[off-screen]'' Nicholas Wilde! ''[Nick sighs as he sees her in the cell across his]'' What are the chances? ''[laughs]'' You know, this is my first time in prison, and I gotta say: ''[reaches for a mop]'' Their food is on point. ''[starts gnawing on the top part of the mop]''
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs and rolls his eyes]'' How are you even here?
:'''Nibbles''': Destiny, plus an arrest. ''[chuckles]'' But it looks like Judith got away. Was that decision... ''mutual''? ''[Nick sighs and turns away]'' Oh, sensin' trouble in paradise. Wanna talk about it?
:'''Nick''': ''[pushing a bed]'' What I want is to get outta here. ''[climbs on the bed, struggling to free himself]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[wearily]'' Right, your big plan. Lay low on Outback Island, sipping piña koalas. ''[Nick climbs off the bed]'' Except you can't trust koalas 'cause they got four thumbs. Did a whole episode about it on the podcast. It was called &quot;They Got Four Thumbs&quot;. But you know what? At least they ain't platypuses. ''[laughs]''
:'''Nick''': ''[trying to unlock his cell; annoyed]'' Wait, can you just... Can you ''please'' just let me concentrate?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[salutes]'' Roger that. ''[gnaws on the mop again and spits out a splinter]'' Just talk to me, dude! ''[Nick breaks a claw and sighs]'' What's the last thing she said to you?
:'''Nick''': ''[sighs]'' She, um... Uh, she said... &quot;maybe we are too... different.&quot;
:'''Nibbles''': Hm... And... What did you say ''before'' that?
:'''Nick''': I said the case isn't worth dying for.
:'''Nibbles''': Hm...?
:'''Nick''': Like, uh,... Like, y'know, as in it's... it isn't worth ''her'' dying for because... because solitary animals like me don't have real friends. And I-I... I don't wanna lose her. ''[as his ears droop]'' I just... I don't know how to say that. ''[looks down, seeing Nibbles in front of him]''
:'''Nibbles''': You know what, bud? ''[hugs Nick]'' I think you just did.
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses before realizing Nibbles opened his cell; surprised]'' Wait, how'd you do that? ''[gestures to the lock]''
:'''Nibbles''': Well, I open my arms, put them around you, and then I squeeze. It's called a hug. Do foxes not have hugs? ''[realizes what Nick meant]'' Oh. ''[chuckles]'' The lock. Yeah, that's Beav 101. ''[reveals that she gnawed a key on the mop]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In Flash's car, Nick is calling Clawhauser at the ZPD by phone to track Judy's location.]''
:'''Nick''': I cannot help Judy if I don't know where she is, which is why I need you ''[off-screen]'' to get on Paul's computer and track Hoggbottom.
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[whispering]'' You are an escaped fugitive! I could get fired for even talking to you.
:'''Nick''': ''[desperately]'' They're gonna put her to sleep! ''[off-screen]'' Do it!
:'''Clawhauser''': Okay! ''[sees a box of donuts and gasps in delight]''
:'''Paul''': ''[typing on his computer]'' Did you try restarting it? Mhm. Have you tried not being an idiot?
:'''Clawhauser''': ''[holding a box of donuts]'' Hey, Paul, I got you some donuts. ''[trips over the soda can and drops the box on Paul]'' Oh, no!
:'''Officer McHorn''': ''[grabs the box of donuts]'' Thanks, Clawhauser!
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Clawhauser! Location...?!
:''[Clawhauser reaches for Paul's computer, which has a screensaver on and requires a password. Clawhauser grabs the sticky note on the computer with the password &quot;P@Rt3izFr&amp;BrdZr2&quot; written on it, much to his dismay as he struggles to read it]''      

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Judy, Gary, and Pawbert flipped the switch of the clock tower in the old control room, they return to see if it worked.]''
:'''Pawbert''': Can you see it? Did we turn on the clock tower?
:'''Judy''': ''[looks around and gasps]'' There. ''[spots the clock tower's light]'' It's there!
:'''Pawbert''': ''[gasps in delight]'' We did it! We can find the original patent.
:'''Judy''': ''[sees Nick struggling to open the weather wall door; confused]'' Nick...? The door... it's locked. Wait... How did it lock?
:''[Outside the weather wall, Nick starts panicking as the walls begin to heat up.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[trying to barge in]'' Nibbles, open it! '''Nibbles'''!
:''[In the control room, Judy watches worriedly as Nibbles opens the access door, allowing Nick to enter, then slams the door shut before the flames scorch them.]''
:'''Nibbles''': Dang door stuck on me...
:''[Back in the control room, Judy sees Nibbles helping Nick back up.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[sighs in relief, then chuckles embarrassedly]'' Sorry. Last case, there was kind of a... twist.
:'''Pawbert''': I know. ''[suddenly injects Judy in the neck with snake venom, paralyzing her]'' Oh my gosh. I really... Oh, my heart is pounding. ''[chuckles]'' I thought you knew. I thought you knew.
:'''Gary''': ''[feeling betrayed]'' No! ''[tries to attack Pawbert, but...]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs him by the throat]'' Sorry, partner. ''[throws Gary outside in the snow]'' Hate to leave you out in the cold... But... I'm gonna... Please don't be mad at me, but... I mean, you get it. We've always been on the same page. Me and you. Underdogs, right? You gotta prove you're as good as everyone else, that you belong. I know, it's messed up, but... ''[reloads his venom injector]'' this is my chance. I have to take it. 'Cause when I get to his great-grandma's home and I burn the original patent, I'll finally be something in my family. And I'll finally belong, too.
:'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Judy?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[approaches the monitor]'' Ruh-roh...
:'''Nick''': ''[on the monitor]'' Carrots?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[sees Nick looking for Judy; sighs]'' No loose ends.
:''[Judy and Gary watch in horror as Pawbert steals the latter's fanny bag.]''
:'''Pawbert''': Bye, partner. Bye, Judy Hopps. ''[walks past her]''
:'''Judy''': ''[grabs his leg; desperately]'' Pawbert, please... You ''can'' be different than your family...
:'''Pawbert''': ''[pauses; coldly]'' I don't wanna be different. ''[slams the door shut and locks the control room]''
:'''Judy''': ''[worried]'' Nick...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Pawbert leaves the control room after betraying Judy and Gary, he hears Nick climbing the stairs and follows him.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy? ''[looks around the corridors]'' Judy? ''[looks down]'' Nibbles, do you see her?
:'''Nibbles''': ''[holding a flashlight]'' No, nothin' yet.
:''[In the control room, Judy struggles to crawl to the door.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[through the monitor]'' Judy?
:'''Gary''': ''[from outside; shivering]'' We shall... succeed, Judy Hopps.
:''[Judy briefly looks at Gary before continuing to crawl. Outside the control room, Nibbles stumbles upon Pawbert.]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[pretends to surrender]'' It's okay. Judy sent me. She... needs to find Nick. ''[injects Nibbles with snake venom]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[unamused]'' Yep. Should've seen that comin'. ''[faints]''
:''[Pawbert walks over Nibbles as he reloads his venom injector.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy?
:''[Back in the control room, Judy is still struggling to reach the door. On the monitors, Nick is climbing the stairs as Pawbert follows him.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[struggling to crawl]'' Nick...
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' We... shall... succeed,... ''[Judy struggles to reach for the door, but collapses]'' Judy.
:'''Judy''': ''[weakly]'' I can't... move, and... ''[looks at Gary]'' you're too... cold... to help... ''[off-screen]'' And he's gonna... Nick's gonna...
:''[Thinking Judy is outside, Nick swings the steel door open. Once outside, Nick shields his eyes from the blizzard, looking for Judy.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Judy,... the world... was never meant... to be... on one animal's... shoulders...
:''[As he turns around, Nick is confronted by Pawbert. Nick warily backs away upon seeing the venom injector in Pawbert's paw.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[crawling to Judy]'' That's why... my great-grandma... wanted... Zootopia... to be... for everyone,... ''[Judy sees Pawbert confronting Nick]'' so we could... ''all''... help each-other.
:'''Judy''': ''[tears up; guilty]'' I... ''didn't''... help.
:''[Outside, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' You ''did''. ''[slowly crawling]'' You chose... to help me... and became... my... best warm-blooded... friend. ''[touches Judy with his tail; his eyes glow]'' ''Very'' warm. ''[senses Judy's body heat; smiles]'' Permission... to hug?
:''[When Judy weakly nods &quot;yes&quot;, Gary softly coils around her as the ice crystals on his scales start melting thanks to Judy's body heat, restoring him.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[sees Pawbert with his fanny bag through the monitor]'' We're gonna save you and save your friend. ''[Judy smiles, then passes out; worried]'' Judy? ''[officers Higgins, Chévre, and Bücheron enter the control room]'' Aah!
:'''Officer Higgins''': ''[points at Gary in fright]'' Hey, he's gonna eat that rabbit!
:'''Gary''': ''[panicked]'' No, wait! ''[backing away]'' I-I'm saving her! I'm gonna get her the anti-pen!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Outside the Sahara-Tundratown weather wall, Nick is still backing away from Pawbert, not noticing his footing.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[about Judy]'' Where is she?
:'''Pawbert''': ''[blankly]'' She, uh... She didn't make it. ''[Nick turns mortified]'' But with snake bites, you... go fast... You'll see.
:''[Inside the control room, Gary, surrounded by officers Higgins and Bloats, quickly swings a telephone at Higgins' head, angering him and Bloats. On the roof, Pawbert aggressively tackles Nick to the ice, trying to stab him with his venom injector. Back in the control room, Chèvre tries to tackle Gary, but he slithers aside while still coiling around a passed-out Judy. Gary tries to leave the control room, but Officer Bücheron stops him from doing so.]''
:'''Gary''': No! ''[looks at Judy, who is losing strength]''
:''[Officer Bloats attacks Gary alongside the other officers as they try to restrain him. Back outside, Nick tries to stop Pawbert from injecting him.]''
:'''Pawbert''': She ''gone'', Nick! Just... get it over with!
:''[As Nick struggles to kick and push Pawbert off him, he kicks at Gary's fanny bag and knocks a bunch of markers out of it that fall down an ice ledge. Back inside the control room, Gary struggles to free himself from the officers until he sees some of his markers falling from outside, then gasps in shock upon seeing through the monitor that Nick is struggling against Pawbert on the roof.]''
:'''Pawbert''': You're done! Know when to '''quit'''!
:''[The ice underneath Nick and Pawbert starts cracking, when suddenly...]''
:'''Gary''': ''[off-screen]'' Anti-venom! ''[Nick looks down; pops out]'' You can save her with the anti-venom! Throw me the bag! ''[the officers yank him back inside, revealing Judy's unconscious body]''
:'''Nick''': Judy!
:''[Upon noticing Gary's anti-venom pen, Nick kicks Pawbert off him, flipping each-other over and causing the cliff to crack. Nick and Pawbert start wrestling for the fanny bag until the pen drops out of it towards the edge of the cliff. As the cliff rumbles again, Nick prepares to grab the pen, but...]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grabs Nick's paw; desperate]'' Leave it! You're gonna kill us both! It's not worth dying for.
:'''Nick''': ''[glances at the anti-venom pen]'' Agree... ''[glares at Pawbert]'' to disagree. ''[shoves Pawbert away, slides down, grabs the anti-venom pen, and throws it to the fire escape, allowing Gary to barely grab it]''
:''[Nick briefly smiles before he starts losing grip as the ledge gives out. In the control room, Gary uncoils Judy and activates his anti-venom pen.]''
:'''Anti-Venom Pen''': Stab me straight into the heart!
:''[As Gary stabs his pen into Judy's heart, she recovers instantly, gasping in shock. Seeing Nick on the verge of falling to his demise, Judy kicks Bloats and Higgins off Gary before knocking Rhinowitz out in a rush to save him. As the cliff shatters, Nick and Pawbert both start to fall to their deaths, but Judy quickly grabs Nick's paw with Gary's help, who grabs Judy, as Pawbert falls]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Gary saved Judy and Nick from falling to their deaths, they look at each-other worriedly before rushing to hug each-other in relief, they both begin weeping]''
:'''Judy''': I was trying to get you...
:'''Nick''': He told me that you... That you were...
:'''Judy''': And I saw you...
:''[Nick and Judy stop hugging and stare at each-other with watery eyes, much to Gary's awkwardness.]''
:'''Gary''': ''[blushing]'' I'll... help your friend. ''[slithers off to help Nibbles]''
:'''Nick''': ''[hesitantly]'' Okay. I- I don't- I don't ''care'' that we're different... you know? I- What I care about… is you. I care about you. Okay? And I didn’t say it. I should've said it, but I didn't... because... ''[shrugs]'' Uh… Well… ''[chuckles nervously]'' 'cause I ''am'' an emotionally insecure source of your discomfort who's not good at expressing his feelings. Probably because I've been on my own my whole life. It's not an excuse; It's just... ''[awkwardly scratches his neck]'' it's why instead of telling you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, ''[Judy smiles]'' I-I make jokes about your ears and-and I tell you that you try too hard, when, you know, the truth is: I just don't want you to get hurt because… because no one else in the world ''matters'' more to me than you do.
:'''Judy''': ''[holding back her tears; talking fast]'' I… I do try too hard because deep down I'm afraid I am what everyone thinks I am, and I suppress my discomfort because I'm worried it makes me look weak and I wanna be strong, and I think I'm failing all the time and I only take what you say personally because you're the only one in my life who ever believed in me, even when I don't even believe in myself. And I should have told you that… ''[pouts]'' No one else in the ''world'' matters to me more than you do, either...
:'''Nick''': ''[pauses; almost entranced]'' I have unresolved childhood trauma that I refuse to discuss because being vulnerable scares me.
:'''Judy''': I make dangerous choices because I have an unhealthy bunny hero complex.
:'''Nick''': ''[teary]'' And I didn’t join the ZPD because I wanted to be a cop; I joined because I always wanted to be part of a pack… and the thought of losing you scares me because… ''[whispering softly]'' because you’re my pack.
:'''Judy''': ''[sobbing]'' I should never have left you. And I ''do'' need a herd of therapy animals, and I should've told you that you're the only partner I would ever want because… you're my fluffle.
:'''Nick''': ''[perplexed]'' Hm... Um...?
:'''Judy''': ''[crying]'' That's a bunch of rabbits!
:''[Nick and Judy giggle as the former smiles at her warmly and the latter wipes her tears away.]''
:'''Nibbles''': ''[after she got healed; arrives with Gary beside her]'' Whoo! Now ''that'' is what we call an overshare. I’m alive, by the way. I made it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Judy and Nick are closing in on Pawbert as he reaches the clock tower, when a chasm tears open between them.]''
:'''Judy''': I'm gonna jump! ''[leaps outside the snowcat, ready to do so, but...]''
:'''Nick''': ''[playfully grabs her paw]'' Zoogetherness! Huh? ''[serious]'' No, never mind. Forget I said it; here we go! ''[leaps off the snowcat with Judy, knocking the gasoline and matches away from Pawbert]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[frantically digging in the snow]'' Matches, matches, matches, matches!
:''[When Pawbert finds the matchbox, it suddenly vanishes in the snow, much to his surprise.]''
:'''Judy''': ''[pops out of the hole]'' Bunnies... we're burrowers. Rabbit kick! ''[kicks at Pawbert, allowing Nick to trip him, then fist bumps Nick]''
:''[However, Pawbert emerges from the snow, growling and grinning evilly, as he pounces on Nick and Judy and strangles them, ready to tear them apart.]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[insanely]'' I'll destroy the patent, that town, and ''everything'' in it. And a '''dirtbag fox''' and a ''[pushes Judy's head deeper in the snow]'' '''dumb bunny''' will ''never'' stand in my way!
:''[Nick and Judy briefly exchange glances before the former glares at Pawbert.]''
:'''Nick''': ''[under his breath; defensively]'' She's not a dumb bunny and you're forgetting one thing...! ''[smirks]''
:'''Pawbert''': ''[grinning]'' What's that?
:'''Nick''': We're friends with a snake!

==Taglines==
* Hopps works hard, Wilde plays it cool.
* They're back with a twissst.
* Zootopia will be changed furrrever!

==Cast==
* {{w|Ginnifer Goodwin}} — Judy Hopps
* {{w|Jason Bateman}} — Nick Wilde
* [[Ke Huy Quan]] — Gary De'Snake
* [[w:Fortune Feimster|Fortune Feimster]] — Nibbles Maplestick
* [[Andy Samberg]] — Pawbert Lynxley
* {{w|David Strathairn}} — Milton Lynxley
* [[Shakira]] — Gazelle
* [[Idris Elba]] — Chief Bogo
* [[Patrick Warburton]] — Mayor Brian Winddancer  
* {{w|Quinta Brunson}} — Dr. Fuzzby
* [[Danny Trejo]] — Jesús
* [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] — Duke Weaselton
* {{w|Nate Torrence}} — Officer Benjamin Clawhauser
* {{w|Don Lake}} — Stu Hopps
* {{w|Bonnie Hunt}} — Bonnie Hopps
* {{w|Jenny Slate}} — Dawn Bellwether
* {{w|Cecily Strong}} — Little Judith
* John Anoa'i and Phil Brooks — Gene Zebraxton and Gene Zebrowski
* {{w|Michelle Gomez}} — Captain Hoggbottom
* {{w|Josh Gad}} — Paul Moldebrant
* {{w|Peter Mansbridge}} — Peter Moosebridge
* [[w:Tiny Lister|Tiny Lister]] — Finnick

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Zootopia 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=26443597|title=Zootopia 2}}

[[Category:2025 films]]
[[Category:2025 American animated films]]
[[Category:2025 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Conspiracy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about rabbits and hares]]
[[Category:Animated films about foxes]]
[[Category:Films about snakes]]
[[Category:Films about lizards]]
[[Category:Animated films about big cats]]
[[Category:Animated films about horses]]
[[Category:Films with archival recordings]]
[[Category:Films directed by Jared Bush]]
[[Category:Films directed by Byron Howard]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>2026 FIFA World Cup</title>
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      <comment>Removing &quot;P20250822DT-0467_President_Donald_Trump_and_FIFA_President_Gianni_Infantino_announce_the_FIFA_World_Cup_2025_draw_location.jpg&quot;, it has been deleted from Commons by [[c:User:Didym|Didym]] because: per [[:c:Commons:Deletion requests/File:P2025082</comment>
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      <text bytes="5086" sha1="dvmzrihgda8z4bgdcbov2vwdlhaonhv" xml:space="preserve">The '''[[w:2026 FIFA World Cup|2026 FIFA World Cup]]''' will be the 23rd [[w:FIFA World Cup|FIFA World Cup]]. The tournament will take place from June 11 to July 19, 2026. It will be jointly hosted by sixteen cities—eleven in the [[United States]], three in [[Mexico]], and two in [[Canada]]. The tournament will be the first to be hosted by three nations.

== Quotes ==

=== 2025 ===
* Can I keep it?
** [[Donald Trump]], when presented with the trophy, [https://www.financialexpress.com/trending/trump-jokes-can-i-keep-it-as-fifa-chief-presents-2026-world-cup-trophy-at-white-house/3955119/ Financial Express – &quot;Trump jokes 'Can I keep it?' as FIFA chief presents 2026 World Cup trophy&quot;] (23 August 2025)

=== 2026 (pre-tournament) ===
*&lt;p&gt;Half a billion ticket requests in just over a month is more than demand – it’s a global statement. On behalf of FIFA, I would like to thank and congratulate football fans everywhere for this extraordinary response. Knowing how much this tournament means to people around the world, '''our only regret is that we cannot welcome every fan inside the stadiums'''.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;That is why we are committed to creating multiple ways for fans to be part of the World Cup – through a wide range of fan experiences beyond the stadiums, both in person and online – so that as many people as possible can share in what will be the biggest sporting event ever staged.&lt;/p&gt;
**[https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/37919415/fifa-2026-world-cup-ticket-requests-prices/ ‘We cannot welcome every fan’ – Fifa release statement after half a BILLION World Cup 2026 ticket requests] [[w:Fifa|Fifa]] President [[w:Gianni Infantino|Gianni Infantino]] in ''The Sun'' (15 Jan 2026)

*  [[w:United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement|ICE]] is dedicated to ensuring that everyone that visits the facilities will have a safe and secure event.
** US Representative [[w:Nellie Pou|Nellie Pou]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c62g4322ywno &quot;ICE will be 'key part of security' at World Cup in US&quot;], ''BBC'' (11 February 2026)

* I really don’t care. I think [[Iran]] is a very badly defeated country. They’re running on fumes.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted on the question of Iran's participation due to [[2026 Iran war]]: [https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/mar/04/donald-trump-really-does-not-care-if-iran-play-at-football-world-cup-2026 &quot;Donald Trump ‘really does not care’ if Iran play at World Cup 2026&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (4 Mar 2026)

* [[w:Fifa|Fifa]] is focused on ensuring fair access to our game for existing and prospective fans. As a not-for-profit organisation, the revenue Fifa generates from the World Cup is reinvested to fuel the growth of the game - men, women, youth - throughout Fifa's 211 member associations globally
** Fifa quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/clyx27vv7rno &quot;Complaint filed over World Cup ticket prices&quot;], ''BBC News'' (24 March 2026)

* Right now, we’re expecting the Iranian team to come. I think it’s a great opportunity for the Iranian diaspora here in the United States of America to be able to celebrate their country.
** White House Task Force Executive Director [[w:Andrew Giuliani|Andrew Giuliani]] quoted in: [https://www.nbcnews.com/world/iran/live-blog/live-updates-iran-war-trump-talks-israel-attacks-oil-hormuz-kharg-rcna265243], ''NBC'' (March 26, 2026)

* The golden days of Italian football are well and truly gone.
** Reaction to [[Italy]] not qualifying in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj943rmkkm4o &quot;Devastated Italians reckon with 'third apocalypse' of World Cup failure&quot;], ''BBC Sport'' (April 1, 2026)

* Sometimes in your life, you only get one opportunity to be able to go to a World Cup. For many, this was their opportunity and they just won't be able to afford to go.
**Supporters groups react to [[w:2026 FIFA World Cup final|World Cup Final]] ticket prices in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/ce8lzj0rprpo &quot;The $11k World Cup final ticket - what we learned from first open sale&quot;], ''BBC Sport'' (April 2, 2026)

* {{w|Fifa}} can confirm that match official {{w|Omar Abdulkadir Artan}} will be unable to train and officiate at the Fifa World Cup 2026 after he was denied entry into the [[United States]].{{br}}Fifa is not involved in host country immigration processes, including visa adjudications, and has been informed by authorities that Mr Artan's status will not be changed at present.{{br}}In line with previous Fifa events, a host government ultimately determines who receives a visa and who is admitted into their country.
** [https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cnv9drg0qzgo &quot;Somali referee Artan barred from entering US&quot;], ''BBC News'' (8 June 2026)

== External links ==
{{Sister project links |wikt=no |commons=Category:2026 FIFA World Cup|s=no |author=no |b=no |v=no |d=Q5020214 |voy=2026 FIFA World Cup}}
*[https://www.fifa.com/ FIFA official website]
*[https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/world-cup BBC World Cup coverage]
[[Category:FIFA World Cup]]
[[Category:2026|FIFA World Cup]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Sacred Heart</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
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      <text bytes="6408" sha1="8zvoam4sfu3rpxhy0tlc4z7otxljz7o" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Coeur de Jésus Sts-Gervais-Protais.jpg|thumb|right|Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, [[w:St-Gervais-et-St-Protais|Church of Saint-Gervais-et-Saint-Protais]], [[w:Paris|Paris]], France]]

The '''[[w:Sacred Heart|Most Sacred Heart of Jesus]]''' (in [[w:Latin language|Latin]]: ''Cor Jesu Sacratissimum'') is one of the most widely practised and well-known [[w:Catholic devotions|Catholic devotions]], wherein the heart of [[Jesus Christ]] is viewed as a symbol of &quot;God's boundless and passionate love for mankind&quot;.

==Quotes==
*I will bless the homes where an image of My Heart shall be exposed and honored.
:*[https://sacredheartapostolate.com/devotion/the-twelve-promises/ The twelve promises of Jesus to saint Margaret Mary Alacoque]

*‘'I embrace the cross, I want to die with you.  
:It is in the wound of your Sacred Heart 
:that I wish to breathe my last breath.’' 
:*[[w:Margherita Bays|Margherita Bays]], quoted in Antonio Borrelli and Emilia Flochini, ''[https://www.santiebeati.it/dettaglio/91709 Santa Margherita Bays]'', ''santiebeati.it'', 12 October 2019.

*''E' piei conficti ti sonno scalone acciò che tu possa giognere al costato, il quale ti manifesta el segreto del cuore. Però che salito in su' piei de l'affecto, l'anima comincia a gustare l'affecto del cuore, ponendo l'occhio de l'intellecto nel cuore aperto del mio Figliuolo, dove truova consumato e ineffabile amore.''
:*They are stuck feet, I am asleep on the staircase so that you may reach the side, which reveals to you the secret of the heart. For when the soul ascends the steps of affection, it begins to taste the affection of the heart, placing the eye of the intellect in the open heart of my Son, where it finds consummate and ineffable love. 
:**[[Catherine of Siena]], [[s:it:Libro della divina dottrina (Caterina da Siena - Fiorilli)/Tractato de la discrezione/Capitolo XXVI]]

*May the adorable Heart of our beloved Jesus unite our hearts with His and with that of our heavenly Mother. 
:*Fr. [[q:it:Daniele Natale]], ''[http://www.amicidifradaniele.it/sito/frasi-e-pensieri/ Frasi e Pensieri di fra Daniele]'', ''amicidifradaniele.it''.

*(About saint [[w:Paola Frassinetti|Paola Frassinetti]]) The inner strength that led to live so fully the “folly” of the cross is to be found in her tender devotion to the Heart of Jesus Christ. With her authentically apostolic sensitivity, the saint perceived that no one can carry out a true apostolate unless they have the [[w:stigmata|stigmata]] of Christ imprinted on their heart, unless that ineffable intertwining of love and pain that is summarized in the most sacred heart of Jesus is at work in them. 
:*[[Pope John Paul II]], [https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/it/homilies/1984/documents/hf_jp-ii_hom_19840311_canonizzazione-frassinetti.html ''Homily for the Canonization of the Blessed Paola Fraassinetti''], Rome, 11 March 1984.

*I cannot express what I felt then when I thought of the immense love of the Heart of Jesus, there all alone, forgotten, cold, indifferent to souls, unhappy because of our insensitive nature regarding the abandonment of the Lord. And the gentle Master made me understand that this happened everywhere. It is precisely the insults, the ingratitude, the forgetfulness, and above all the lukewarmness of the consecrated, intimate friends, that wound Jesus in His Heart.
:*[[w:Marie Deluil-Martiny|Mary of Jesus Deluil-Martiny]], ''[https://lanuovabq.it/it/la-beata-maria-di-gesu-una-vita-per-il-sacro-cuore La beata Maria di Gesù, una vita per il Sacro Cuore]'', ''lanuovabq.it'', 27 February 2024.

*Bring everyone a ray of the tenderness of the Heart of Jesus. 
:*[[w:Clelia Merloni|Clelia Merloni]], ''[https://www.causesanti.va/it/santi-e-beati/clelia-merloni.html Clelia Merloni]'', ''causesanti.va'', 3 November 2018.

*Such devotion is the very essence of Salesianism, for it is from the Sacred Heart of our Master that we, as educators, will draw the purest love for youth, the gentleness and indulgence that must accompany our words and actions, patience in the adversities and tribulations connected with our task, the spirit of sacrifice and zeal for souls. 
:*[[w:Michele Rua|Michele Rua]], quoted in Dom Antoine Marie osb, [https://web.archive.org/web/20061031020248/http://www.clairval.com/lettres/it/2005/12/07/7071205.htm ''Carissimo Amico dell’Abbazia di San Giuseppe...''], clairval.com, 7 dicembre 2005.

*Uniting ourselves with the pierced Heart of Jesus and wanting to live the passion of Christ involves the awareness that embracing the Cross is an essential condition for bringing forth life around us and not allowing death to prevail over it, hatred over love, division over communion. 
:*[[Giovanni Angelo Becciu]], ''[https://press.vatican.va/content/salastampa/it/bollettino/pubblico/2018/11/03/0813/01761.html Omelia del Prefetto della Congregazione delle Cause dei Santi nel corso della Messa di Beatificazione di Clelia Merloni]'', ''press.vatican.va'', 3 November 2018.

===[[Pope Francis]]===
*Let us turn, then, to the heart of Christ, that core of his being, which is a blazing furnace of divine and human love and the most sublime fulfilment to which humanity can aspire. There, in that heart, we truly come at last to know ourselves and we learn how to love.
:*''[[w:Dilexit nos|Dilexit nos]]'', n°. 30.

*The heart of Christ, as the symbol of the deepest and most personal source of his love for us, is the very core of the initial preaching of the Gospel. It stands at the origin of our faith, as the wellspring that refreshes and enlivens our Christian beliefs.
:*''[[w:Dilexit nos|Dilexit nos]]'', n°. 32.

*The pierced heart of Christ embodies all God’s declarations of love present in the Scriptures. That love is no mere matter of words; rather, the open side of his Son is a source of life for those whom he loves, the fount that quenches the thirst of his people. As Saint John Paul II pointed out, “the essential elements of devotion [to the Sacred Heart] belong in a permanent fashion to the spirituality of the Church throughout her history; for since the beginning, the Church has looked to the heart of Christ pierced on the Cross”.
:*''[[w:Dilexit nos|Dilexit nos]]'', n°. 101.

==See also==
* [[Immaculate Heart of Mary]]
* [[Saint Joseph]]
* [[Rosary]]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons cat|Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ}}

[[Category:Jesus]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Little Bear</title>
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      <text bytes="27892" sha1="31b6cfeowp5fe854el7z09jj8w5i8q7" xml:space="preserve">'''''{{w|Little Bear (TV series)|Little Bear}}''''' is an English (Seasons 1-5) (1995-2001)-French (Seasons 1-5) (1995-2001)-Chinese (Season 5) (2000-2001) language American (Seasons 1-5) (1995-2001)-Canadian (Seasons 1-5) (1995-2001)-Quebecois (Seasons 1-5) (1995-2001)-Chinese (Season 5) (2000-2001)-Mandarin Chinese (Season 5) (2000-2001) 2D animated (traditional, hand-drawn 2D animation (digital inking-and-painting, and coloring animation)) television series based on Maurice Sendak's book series ''Little Bear''. It aired on CBC Television in English, in Canada, and Radio-Canada in French, in Canada, and Quebec, and Nickelodeon (Nick Jr.) in English, in the United States from 1995 to 2001. The show was produced by Nelvana, in Canada, and Quebec, Games Animation (Seasons 1-3) (1995-1997)/Nickelodeon Animation Studio (Seasons 3-5) (1997-2001), and Wildthings Productions, and John B. Carls Productions, and Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions), and Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions), in the United States, and Hong Guang Animation (Suzhou), Ltd., in China, and was distributed by Nelvana, in Canada, and Quebec, Games Animation (Seasons 1-3) (1995-1997)/Nickelodeon Animation Studio (Seasons 3-5) (1997-2001), and Nickelodeon (Nickelodeon Productions), and Nick Jr. (Nick Jr. Productions), in the United States. The show was aimed kindergarteners, and elementary school children, and from ages 4 to 8.

==Season 1==
===Episode 1===
====What Will Little Bear Wear? [1.1a]====
:'''Little Bear''': And you know what else?
:'''Mother Bear''': What?
:'''Little Bear''': I'm not even cold.

====Hide and Seek [1.1b]====
:'''Duck''': I found you, Frog.
:'''Frog''': You cannot find what isn't lost.

====Little Bear Goes to the Moon [1.1c]====
:'''Little Bear''': Stop fooling! You're my Mother Bear, and I'm your Little Bear, and we're on Earth, and you know it.

===Episode 2===
====Birthday Soup [1.2a]====
:'''Little Bear''': It's birthday soup.
:'''Cat''': Is it chicken soup? ''[Hen clucks in shock]'' I like chicken soup.
:'''Little Bear''': No.
:'''Cat''': Is it duck soup? ''[Duck quacks in shock]'' Duck soup will do.
:'''Little Bear''': No. It's just birthday soup.

====Polar Bear [1.2b]====
:'''Duck''': ''[after Little Bear is covered in white paint]'' Little Bear, are you all ri--''[laughs]'' Are you all-- ''[laughs]'' Are you all &quot;white&quot;? ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': Who am I?
:'''Owl''': You're a polar bear.
:'''Little Bear''': A polar bear? Don't you know me, Owl?
:'''Owl''': I don't know any polar bears.

====Gone Fishing [1.2c]====
:''[Little Bear and Owl imagine they're fishing in the ocean.]''
:'''Owl''': What is it?
:'''Little Bear''': A trout?
:'''Owl''': Well, that's not a trout. Maybe it's a flounder. ''[catches another fish]''
:'''Little Bear''': What did ''you'' catch?
:'''Owl''': Looks like a halibut to me.
:'''Little Bear''': What's a halibut?
:'''Owl''': My favorite kind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Little Bear and Owl have caught a whale. They stare nervously at it.]''
:'''Owl''': It's a whale.
:'''Little Bear''': Hello, whale.
:''[The whale glares.]''
:'''Owl''': It doesn't look too friendly.
:''[The whale opens its mouth and moves ahead, about to swallow the boat.]''
:'''Owl''': ''[panics]'' THROW IT BACK! '''''OH, NOOOOO...!'''''

===Episode 4===
====A Flu [1.4a]====
:'''Pigeons''': Hello, Little Bear.
:'''Little Bear''': Hello.
:'''Pigeon 1''': What's that in your mouth?
:'''Little Bear''': A thermometer. I have the &quot;frew&quot;.
:'''Pigeon 1''': The &quot;frew&quot;? How terrible!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cat''': What's the matter with you?
:'''Little Bear''': I have the flu.
:'''Cat''': Oh, that's too bad. You should roll in some catnip. That always makes me feel better.
:'''Little Bear''': I don't think so.

====Exploring [1.4b]====
:''[The explorers' oath]''
:''We won't turn back, 'til we're through''
:''That's what explorers do''
:''Who's afraid? Who's afraid?''
:''Not me, are you?''

===Episode 7===
====Hiccups [1.7a]====
:''[The friends have failed to get rid of Little Bear's hiccups.]''
:'''Cat''': It was a good idea.
:'''Owl''': Some idea.
:'''Hen''': Well, Owl, your idea didn't work too well.
:'''Owl''': Cat's idea didn't help either.
:''[Little Bear keeps hiccupping as Cat and Owl argue.]''
:'''Cat''': Excuse me, but I read about that technique in a very famous book.
:'''Owl''': What book? ''[Father Bear looks down from his newspaper, annoyed]'' I've read every book in the library.
:'''Cat''': Oh, please. You think you know everything.
:'''Duck''': I can read!
:''[Everyone keeps arguing until Father Bear gives a loud roar, stopping the argument, and startling Little Bear.]''
:'''Father Bear''': Enough! How can I read with all this noise?

===Episode 8===
====Maracas [1.8c]====
:''[Little Bear is showing the maracas to Duck.]''
:'''Little Bear''': They're called maracas.
:'''Duck''': Oh, how wonderful!
:'''Little Bear''': Father Bear found them across the ocean, a long time ago.
:'''Duck''': ''[amazed]'' Oh!
:'''Little Bear''': A ''long'', long time. Even before we were born.
:'''Duck''': Before we were born?
:'''Little Bear''': Way back, when there were pirates.
:'''Duck''': Pirates? Really? Oh, my!
:'''Little Bear''': Mother Bear said they were sentimental, and you know what that means.
:'''Duck''': I do?
:''[A dream sequence shows Father Bear sitting and thinking while holding a maraca without a handle, while pirates run in from the hills in the distance.]''
:'''Duck''': No, I don't.
:'''Little Bear''': ''[beat]'' Treasure.
:''[Later, Duck shows Hen the maracas.]''
:'''Hen''': ''[clucks with surprise]'' Pirates? Oh, no! Are you sure?
:'''Duck''': Yes, I'm sure! That's what Little Bear said! He said they were pirates! They came from Morocco! They were sandy and mental.
:'''Hen''': Sandy and mental? The pirates?
:''[A dream sequence shows Father Bear fighting pirates on a ship.]''
:'''Duck''': Yes, yes, the pirates! And Father Bear took their treasure. The pirates stole it and Father Bear stole it back!
:''[Next, Hen is talking to Owl about the pirates.]''
:'''Owl''': Father Bear stole them from pirates?!
:'''Hen''': What else ''could'' he do?
:'''Owl''': Did he use a sword or a saber?
:'''Hen''': Sword or a saber? Sword or a saber? How would I know?
:'''Owl''': Maybe both?
:'''Hen''': Both? Both! Must've been both. Of course! Both! But I bet those pirates are mad.
:'''Owl''': Uh-oh...
:''[Next, Owl tells Cat about the pirates.]''
:'''Cat''': A sword ''and'' a saber? How many pirates did Father Bear fight?
:'''Owl''': A dozen, at least.
:'''Cat''': ''[unimpressed]'' A dozen?
:'''Owl''': Maybe a hundred.
:''[A dream sequence shows Father Bear being surrounded by a lot of pirates while a crafty smile appears on his face.]''
:'''Owl''': But Father Bear won. He won the treasure. Those pirates are bound to come back.
:'''Cat''': Do you really think so?
:'''Owl''': Oh, yes! They were mad!
:'''Cat''': What should we do?

===Episode 9===
====A Family Portrait [1.9a]====
:'''Hen''': Aren't we supposed to say something to make us smile?
:'''Owl''': Yes, that's right. On the count of three, we all say... um... &quot;cheese&quot;.
:'''Duck''': What kind of cheese?
:'''Owl''': Any kind of cheese. Mozzarella, meunster, provolone...
:'''Cat''': ''[groans impatient]'' JUST SAY ANYTHING!
:'''Hen''': ''[offended]'' Well!
:'''Little Bear''': Okay. Now... one... two... three!
:'''Hen and Cat''': Cheese!
:'''Owl''': Mozzarella!
:'''Duck''': Anything!

===Episode 10===
====Duck, Baby Sitter [1.10a]====
:'''Owl''': Strange. Thought I'd made more potato salad.

====Little Bear's Band [1.10b]====
:'''Raccoon''': ''[after the gramophone blows up]'' Maybe this piece ''was'' important.

====Hop Frog Pond [1.10c]====
:'''Emily''': What's the matter, Cat?
:'''Cat''': I don't do mudslides.
:'''Duck''': He can't swim.
:'''Cat''': I can too.
:''[The otters ram into Cat, sending him down the mudslide, splashing into the pond.]''
:'''Owl''': Look! Cat ''can'' swim!
:''[Cat comes out of the pond, soaking wet and growling. He shakes off the water.]''
:'''Cat''': Let's go again.

===Episode 11===
====Little Bear and the Wind [1.11a]====
:'''Mr. Wind''': I see you, Father Bear, and I am blowing cold out of the North!
:'''Father Bear''': Why do you blow so cold?!
:'''Mr. Wind''': This is my ocean! These are my seas!
:'''Father Bear''': But the ocean belongs to us ''all!''
:'''Mr. Wind''': You will see. I will take a huge breath... and... ''[blows]''
:'''Father Bear''': '''BLOW, MR. WIND! BLOW!'''

====The Goblin Story [1.11b]====
:'''Goblin''': Caves that are old, and caves that are cold, sometimes have gold.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Goblin''': Something's running after me! Oh, my goodness! What can it be?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Goblin''': ''[hiding in a tree]'' It's out there. I know it's out there. I don't know what it is, but I know it's out there. I can't stay in here forever. But it can't stay out ''there'' forever. Maybe I can stay in here longer than it can stay out there. Or maybe not. I could take a peek outside and see, but I'd have to stick my neck out. I'm going to peek out. I ''have'' to peek out. ''[peeks out of the tree]'' '''AAAAHHH!'''
:'''Little Bear''': What did he see?
:'''Grandfather Bear''': He saw... his shoes!
:'''Goblin''': My own little shoes, and nothing more! Goodness! That old bump in the cave made me jump right out of my shoes, but you came running after me, didn't you? And here you are!

====Not Tired [1.11c]====
:''[Watching the marble about to hit the gong.]''
:'''Little Bear''': It's gonna hit!
:'''Grandfather Bear''': It's gonna hit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grandmother Bear''': So you went to the city today.
:'''Mother Bear''': Yes, and how it's changed.
:'''Grandfather Bear''': That's progress. You can't stop it.

===Episode 12===
====Party at Owl's House [1.12c]====
:'''Duck''': Excuse me. Can Lucy fly?
:'''Owl''': Of course Lucy can't fly. To fly, you need wings. And it also helps if you're a bird.
:'''Duck''': Well, she's going to try.
:''[Lucy falls out of the tree.]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, Lucy will break!
:''[Lucy hits the ground. Everyone gasps.]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, Lucy! Her arm is broken!
:'''Hen''': We need a doctor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': ''[after fixing Lucy's arm]'' Anytime she breaks an arm or a leg, I will fix it.
:'''Owl''': One arm is quite enough. No more today, please.

===Episode 13===
====The Rain Dance Play [1.13a]====
:'''Little Bear and friends''': ''[singing to the tune of &quot;Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star&quot;]'' Little clouds up in the sky, gather 'round, don't pass us by. You can give us nice, cool rain, to make the corn plants grow again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': Our hopes are for Princess Sadawa. She worries about the corn. Corn is food for us all.
:'''Duck, Hen, and Owl''': Corn is food for us all!
:'''Little Bear''': We'd be so thankful for the rain, if you have some to spare.
:'''Duck, Hen, and Owl''': If you have some to spare!
:'''Little Bear''': Dear clouds, what can we do to please you?
:'''Duck, Hen, and Owl''': What can we do?!
:''[No response.]''
:'''Little Bear''': What can we do to please you?
:''[Cat still doesn't respond.]''
:'''Hen''': Cat, it's your one big line! What can we do?
:'''Cat''': Somersaults! ''[everyone exclaims in confusion]'' Backflips!
:'''Little Bear''': ''[in disbelief]'' Backflips?
:'''Cat''': Stand on your heads!
:'''Hen''': Oh, Cat, cut it out! You're supposed to say &quot;dance&quot;!
:'''Owl''': It's a rain ''dance'' play!
:'''Duck''': ''[to the audience]'' He's supposed to say &quot;dance&quot;.
:''[The audience laughs. Cat peeks from behind the curtain.]''
:'''Cat''': Did someone say &quot;dance&quot;? You want to dance? So dance.
:'''Hen''': Get down from there, silly!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': Please send rain! In buckets, if you like!
:'''Hen''': Hurry up, Cat! In buckets!
:'''Cat''': Okay, okay.
:''[Cat picks up the bucket, and throws the water out of it. No sooner than Cat dumps the bucket, lightning flashes in the sky, and it starts raining.]''
:'''Duck''': Wow, Cat! That was a big bucket!
:'''Emily''': No, wait! It's raining!
:'''Little Bear''': It's really raining!
:'''Duck''': It's raining!
:'''Owl''': It's pouring!
:'''Everyone''': The old bear is snoring! He rubbed his shoulder on a great big boulder and wouldn't get up in the morning!
:''[The audience cheers normally.]''
:'''Father Bear''': Bravo, bravo!
:'''Mother Bear''': Encore, encore!
:'''Emily''': Little Bear, do you think we really made it rain?
:'''Little Bear''': I don't know... But I know I'm getting soaked.

==Season 2==
===Episode 3===
====Cat's Short Cut [2.3a]====
:'''Owl''': Did you hear that?
:'''Little Bear''': Hear what?
:'''Owl''': That laugh.
:'''Little Bear''': ''Our'' laugh?
:'''Owl''': No. The laugh of the laughing tree.
:'''Little Bear''': I've never heard of a laughing tree.
:'''Owl''': It's a tree that grabs you and tries to make you laugh by telling bad jokes. You have to make ''it'' laugh, or you'll never get away.
:'''Little Bear''': There's no such thing as a laughing tree.
:''[But as Little Bear and Owl continue down the path, they encounter the laughing tree.]''
:'''Laughing tree''': ''[laughs]'' Who are you two walking in my woods? &quot;Who&quot;? An owl goes &quot;who&quot;? ''[laughs]'' Oh, I can't &quot;bear&quot; it! Get it? An owl and a bear? ''[laughs]''
:'''Owl''': No.
:'''Little Bear''': The laughing tree.
:'''Laughing tree''': Are you lost? We must get to the &quot;root&quot; of the problem! ''[laughs]''
:''[The laughing tree tickles Little Bear and Owl, making them laugh.]''
:'''Laughing tree''': I always travel with a &quot;trunk&quot;! ''[laughs]''
:'''Owl''': Leave us alone! Leave us alone! ''[gets an idea]'' Hey. Get it? &quot;Leaf&quot; us alone?
:'''Laughing tree''': &quot;Leaf&quot; us alone. That's good! ''[laughs as Little Bear and Owl get away]'' I like it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cat''': What's really scary is the big, black crow who lives in these woods.
:'''Little Bear and Owl''': The big, black crow?
:'''Cat''': Oh, yes. It's twice as big as any other crow.
:'''Little Bear''': That's not as scary as a goblin.
:'''Cat''': It as big as a tree.
:'''Owl''': As big as the laughing tree?
:'''Cat''': No, no, I mean bigger. It's so big, that it's bigger than a house.
:'''Little Bear and Owl''': Oh... That's big.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear, Owl, and Cat''': Goblins, laughing trees, and giant crows! What could be scarier, nobody knows!

===Episode 7===
====Winter Solstice [2.7b]====
:'''All''': The night is cold, the snow is new...
:'''Mother Bear''': Mother loves the winter...
:'''Father Bear''': Father loves the winter...
:'''Grandmother Bear''': Grandmother loves winter...
:'''Grandfather Bear''': Grandfather loves winter...
:'''Granny''': And I do, too!
:'''Emily''': And I do, too!
:'''Little Bear''': And I do, too!
:'''Hen''': And I do, too!
:'''Cat''': And I do, too.
:'''Owl''': And I do, too! Hoo!
:'''Duck''': ''[giggles]'' And me, too!

====Snowbound [2.7c]====
:'''Granny''': Whether the weather be cold, or whether the weather be hot, we'll weather the weather whatever the weather, whether we like it or not.

===Episode 8===
====Night of the Full Moon [2.8c]====
:'''Father Bear''': Two little monsters on the moon dance while a comet whiles a tune. One goes up, and then goes down. The other moon monster goes round and round. One moon monster jumps over tall trees, the other one crawls on his hands and knees. One scares himself!
:'''Little Bear''': And bumps his head!
:'''Father Bear''': The other one says, &quot;You should go to bed.&quot;
:'''Little Bear''': Not yet!

===Episode 11===
====Lucy's Okay [2.11c]====
:'''Owl''': Duck! Wake up!
:'''Duck''': ''[wakes up with a squawk]'' What's wrong? What happened?
:'''Owl''': You're snoring.
:'''Duck''': ''[offended]'' I am not!
:'''Owl''': Well, you were.
:'''Duck''': Well, so were you!
:'''Owl''': I ''wish'' I was, but your snoring woke me up. ''[his eyes widen in shock]'' Where's Lucy?
:'''Duck''': Lucy?
:'''Owl''': Oh, no.
:'''Duck''': What?
:'''Owl''': You're sitting on Lucy!
:'''Duck''': ''[leaps up from the pile of leaves, squawking in shock]'' Where is she? Lucy? Lucy! ''[digs through the leaves]'' Lucy, where are you? ''[gasps when she sees Lucy]''
:'''Owl''': See? You sat on her!
:''[Little Bear and Emily arrive.]''
:'''Little Bear''': Duck? What's the matter?
:'''Owl''': It's Lucy. Duck sat on her.
:'''Duck''': I didn't even see her. Poor Lucy. Did I hurt you?
:''[Lucy doesn't respond.]''
:'''Owl''': Is she moving?
:'''Duck''': No...
:'''Emily''': ''[picks up Lucy]'' Lucy, speak to me!
:'''Owl''': Is she saying anything?
:'''Emily''': No... ''[Duck gasps in horror]'' Oh, no, Lucy's dead! Poor, poor Lucy!
:'''Duck''': ''[sad]'' I squashed her.
:'''Owl''': ''[in disbelief]'' Dead? What do you mean, dead? Isn't she a doll?
:'''Emily''': She's just dead. That's all.

===Episode 12===
====The Blueberry Picnic [2.12b]====
:'''Little Bear''': Who's up there, stomping on my bridge?
:'''Cat''': It's me, Cat. And what do you think of that?
:'''Little Bear''': What I'm thinking about is roast cat.
:'''Cat''': And I'm thinking about scratched troll. ''[hisses]''
:'''Little Bear''': Uh-oh. I don't think I like roast cat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''No Feet''': Oh, no! I can't look!
:'''Owl''': Now, now, No Feet. You must remember that it's just a play. There's really nothing to worry ab-- OH, NO, IT'S EMILY!

==Season 3==
===Episode 1===
====Owl's Dilemma [3.1a]====
:'''Owl''': Please. Little birds. Sweet little birds. Sweet little '''LOUD BIRDS! STOP CHIRPING!!!'''

===Episode 3===
====Little Bear Sing a Song [3.3a]====
:'''Little Bear's friends''': Little Bear, Little Bear, sing a song, ding dong. Run along, turn around, fall to the ground. Dance on your toes, wriggle your nose, wiggle your hips, do front flips. Stand up tall, make yourself small.
:'''Little Bear''': ''[yawns]'' The moon shines bright, say goodnight.

===Episode 5===
====Applesauce [3.5c]====
:'''Little Bear''': When I grow I'm, I'm gonna live in an apple tree.
:'''Emily''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, Little Bear. That's a lot of applesauce.
:'''Little Bear''': What do you mean, applesauce?
:'''Emily''': Granny always says something is applesauce when it's silly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': Apples, apples, apples! Apple pie, apple pudding, apple ice cream, apple sandwiches!
:'''Emily''': ''[laughs]'' Apple ''sandwiches?''
:'''Little Bear''': Why not?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Toad''': Unk-garunk.

===Episode 7===
====Little Bear's Sweet Tooth [3.7c]====
:''[At the sack race, Owl notices Cat only has his hind legs in his sack.]''
:'''Owl''': Hey, no fair! Cat doesn't have all his feet in the sack!
:'''Cat''': Really, Owl! I was only going to use ''two'' of my legs for the race.
:'''Owl''': Well, good. There's no point in playing the game unless you play by the rules.

===Episode 8===
====Monster Pudding [3.8b]====
:'''Father Bear''': The footstool is for feet, not flying.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mitzi''': What do monsters eat?
:'''Owl''': Owls, bears, and monkeys.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mitzi''': Did you see how hungry he looked?
:'''Owl''': I had my eyes closed the whole time.

===Episode 9===
====Gingerbread Cookies [3.9a]====
:'''Granny''': Hickory dickory, six and seven, alabone, crack a bone, ten and eleven. Spin, spun, almost done, twiddlum, twaddlum, twenty-one.

====The Garden War [3.9c]====
:'''Little Bear''': What's wrong, No Feet?
:'''No Feet''': We have an invader in the garden!
:'''Little Bear''': An invader? ''[sees the trail being dug in the ground, before hitting a fence]''
:'''No Feet''': See? It must be... a mole!
:'''Little Bear''': A mole? I've never met a mole.
:'''No Feet''': Oh, you don't want to. A mole is one of the meanest, scariest animals alive.
:'''Little Bear''': Really?
:'''No Feet''': Oh, yes! They have razor sharp claws... ''[Little Bear looks at his claws]'' ...and great big teeth... ''[Little Bear taps one of his teeth]'' ...and they're all covered in fur! ''[Little Bear looks at his fur]'' He wants to destroy everything! The garden, the lovely vegetables, my home... and me.
:'''Little Bear''': You?
:'''No Feet''': Moles eat snakes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''No Feet''': Did you hear that?! '''''IT'S THE MOLE!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''No Feet''': I don't wanna meet a mole!

===Episode 12===
====The Great Race [3.12b]====
:'''Duck''': What's a great race?
:'''Little Bear''': It's... it's... when you race really, really far.
:'''Mitzi''': How far?
:'''Little Bear''': Well... Along the stream, through the bushes and the woods, and down the hill, and across the field with the tall grass, through more woods, and across my yard, and the first one to get to my house wins.
:'''Duck''': That ''is'' far.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': Frog, I thought you said winning wasn't important.
:'''Frog''': Yes, Little Bear. That is correct... But it sure feels good!

==Season 4==
===Episode 2===
====Little Bear and the Sea Monster [4.2a]====
:'''Little Bear''': Come all ye young sailors, and listen to me, I'll sing you a song of the fish in the sea!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Little Bear''': We've stopped.
:'''Owl''': I can see that.
:'''Little Bear''': I think we've hooked something very big.
:'''Owl''': As big as a whale?
:'''Little Bear''': Bigger.
:'''Owl''': I don't think there is anything bigger than a whale. I believe the whale is the biggest creature in the sea.
:'''Little Bear''': Uh, excuse me, Owl. There is one thing bigger.
:'''Owl''': And what is that, Little Bear?
:'''Little Bear and Owl''': ''[shocked]'' A SEA MONSTER!

===Episode 3===
====Pillow Hill [4.3a]====
:'''Father Bear''': When I was sick, and lay abed, I had two pillows at my head, and all my days beside me lay to keep me happy all the day.

====Diva Hen [4.3b]====
:'''Owl''': I don't think Hen is feeling well.
:'''Duck''': Maybe she's sick.
:'''Owl''': Could be the chicken pox.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hen''': I can't sing a note! I'm no good.
:'''Little Bear''': That's not true, Hen. You can do it.
:'''Hen''': I can't...
:'''Little Bear''': But Diva Hen can!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duck''': Is it over?
:'''Owl''': ''[sighs]'' I'm afraid the opera isn't over 'til the fat lady sings.

===Episode 5===
====Mitzi's Mess [4.5c]====
:'''Mitzi''': Hey, what's this?
:'''Little Bear''': That's a croquet set, Mitzi.
:'''Mitzi''': How do you play? Do I just hit the ball?
:'''Owl''': No. That's against the rules. You set the ball on the ground, and tap it with your mallet.
:'''Little Bear''': You have to take turns.
:'''Owl''': But the most important rule is we never, ''ever'' play in the--
:''[Mitzi hits the ball with the mallet, then it bounces off a door, and across the floor.]''
:'''Owl''': ...house.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Owl is covered with flour.]''
:'''Mitzi''': You look funny.
:'''Owl''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, I don't ''feel'' funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Owl''': Hello, Mother Bear.
:'''Mother Bear''': Why, hello, Owl. My goodness, you're soaking wet!
:'''Owl''': Am I? Yes! Well, it ''is'' raining! So, Mother Bear, did I ever tell you about the time I tried to make ginger snaps?
:'''Mother Bear''': I don't think so.
:'''Owl''': Oh, you'll love this. Unfortunately, I made a mistake, and used salt instead of sugar! ''[laughs]'' ''[...]'' So, I took a big bite out of a ginger snap, and... blah! ''[laughs]'' It was awful! ''[laughs]'' Really bad, 'cause... salt?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Owl''': Mother Bear!
:'''Mother Bear''': Yes?
:'''Owl''': Uh... Have you heard any good jokes lately?
:'''Mother Bear''': No.
:'''Owl''': Uh... I know one. Knock, knock.
:'''Mother Bear''': Who's there?
:'''Owl''': Owl.
:'''Mother Bear''': Owl who?
:'''Owl''': Whooo else? ''[laughs]'' Get it? I'm an owl, and owls say &quot;hoo&quot;!

===Episode 7===
====The April Fool [4.7a]====
:'''Mother Bear''': Come on, Little Bear. Let's all take a nap.
:'''Little Bear''': ''[snaps]'' No! I won't do it! I won't take a nap! I won't take a nap today, or tomorrow, or ever again!
:''[Mother Bear and Father Bear are both shocked.]''
:'''Mother Bear''': Oh!
:'''Father Bear''': What?
:'''Little Bear''': ''[pause]'' April Fools! ''[laughs]''

===Episode 13===
====The Painting [4.13a]====
:'''Mr. Skunk''': She loves me, she loves me not.

====The Kiss [4.13b]====
:'''Frog''': Frogs do not kiss skunks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frog''': Too much kissing.

====The Wedding [4.13c]====
:''[Mrs. Skunk has sprayed Little Bear.]''
:'''Little Bear''': Ew, I've been skunked! What did you do that for?!
:'''Mrs. Skunk''': I'm sorry, Little Bear, but you frightened me.
:'''Little Bear''': ''[sniffs]'' I stink.
:'''Mrs. Skunk''': ''[sniffs]'' I don't think you stink.
:'''Little Bear''': Of course not, you're a skunk.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Owl''': Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate love.
:''[Hen bats her eyelashes at Owl.]''
:'''Owl''': ''[flips through the pages, flustered]'' Love, love, love, what else is there?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duck''': Happy newlyweds!

==Season 5==
===Episode 2===
====The Sky is Falling [5.2a]====
:'''Little Bear''': The sun is sleeping, the clouds are creeping, the wind is calling, the sky is falling, the sky is falling!

===Episode 6===
====Little Bear's Tall Tale [5.6c]====
:'''Owl''': Owl was sitting in a tree, trying to take a nap. He was just about to fall asleep, but he felt something breathing on him. He opened his eyes, turned around, and what did he see? '''MONSTER BEAR''', as tall as the trees, was staring him right in the face! Monster Bear blinked. Owl gulped. And then, Monster Bear leaned closer... closer... closer...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duck''': Now, look here, Monster Bear! That's my friend, Owl, and he's very frightened! And you better let him go right now, or else... Or else... I'll have to... get you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Monster Bear''': I'm hungry!
:'''Little Bear''': What do monster bears eat?
:'''Owl''': Owls?
:'''Hens''': Hens?
:'''Duck''': Ducks?
:'''Little Bear''': Little bears?
:'''Monster Bear''': Uh-uh. Marshmallows.
:'''Little Bear''': Huh?
:'''Father Bear''': Monster bears love to eat marshmallows.

===Episode 11===
====Duck's Big Catch [5.11c]====
:'''Duck''': Captain Little Bear, is that a big enough fish?
:'''Little Bear''': ''[looks up in shock]'' Aah! That's no fish, Sailor Duck.
:'''Duck''': What is it?
:'''Little Bear''': It's a '''WHALE!!!'''

===Episode 13===
====How Little Bear Met Owl [5.13c]====
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''Little Bear''': And that's how Little Bear met Owl. And now, whenever it's night, Little Bear always thinks about his good friend, Owl.
:'''Father Bear''': That was a very good story, Little Bear.
:'''Mother Bear''': Except you forgot the part where someone goes to sleep.
:'''Little Bear''': Whooo?
:'''Mother Bear''': Whooo do you think? ''[kisses Little Bear on the forehead]''
:'''Little Bear''': ''[chuckles]'' Goodnight.
:'''Father Bear''': Goodnight, Little Bear. ''[closes the door]''
:'''Little Bear''': ''[yawns and falls asleep]'' Hoo... Hoo...
:''[Outside, Owl flies through the night sky, past the moon.]''
:'''Owl''': Hoo... Hoo... Hoo... Hoo...

[[Category:1990s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:Canadian TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:American TV shows based on children's books]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Noggin shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Last words in Aqua Teen Hunger Force</title>
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      <id>3951825</id>
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        <id>3340315</id>
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      <text bytes="12853" sha1="pdl898exr65hyhqr016gixchf5bsp5t" xml:space="preserve">{{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}}
This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant.

===Master Shake===
*'''Is that you, God?'''
**Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5)
**Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad.

*'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording.

*'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets.

*'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.'''
**Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2)
**Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss.

*'''Aren't you coming back?'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I'm straight, look at me!'''
**Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1)
**Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade.

*'''Good night.'''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game.

*'''NOOOO!!!!'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw.

*'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!'''
**Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6)
*Notes: Shake was mauled by bears.

*'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9)
**Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight.

*'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!'''
**Source: Boost Mobile
**Notes: TBA

*'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!'''
**Source: Marines
**Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene.

*'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”'''
**Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13)
**Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire.

*'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!'''
**Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6)
**Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up.

*'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!'''
**Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6)
**Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood.

*'''I got the what now?'''
**Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13)
**Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad.

*''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!'''
**Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1)
**Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen.

*'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.'''
**Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8)
**Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell.
*'''Frylock, blow his head off! Do it now!'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies.
*'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl.
*'''Man, you gotta suck!'''
**Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3)
**Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake.

*'''No, it's not. See, I told you.'''
**Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1)
**Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene.

*'''I'm allergic to shellfish!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares.

*'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams.

*'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--'''
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout.

*'''Who was that guy?'''
**Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]]
**Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him.

===Frylock===

*'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way.

*'''No! No! NO!'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Carl, who has secretly been working with Napkin Lad the whole time, betrays Frylock. During the chase, Carl's car and the Aqua Teens' cart both turn into submarines. Meatwad manages to bail out of their submarine just in time, leaving Frylock trapped inside as it violently crashes into a coral reef, killing him instantly.

*'''Alright. No, wait! The gas leak!'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: TBD

*'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

*'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power.

===Meatwad===
*'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl.

*'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...'''
**Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8)
**Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror.

*'''He left. Again.'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I call my first cigarette.'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: 

*'''Yeah, just keep shoutin', you stupid...'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies.

===Carl===
*'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!'''''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken.

*'''Fryman. Man. You changed.'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1)
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave.

*'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.'''''
**Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7)
**Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men.

*'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! '''
**Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21)
**Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons.

*'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!'''''
**Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4)
**Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode.

*'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!'''
**Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7)
**Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window.

*'''Whoah! Oh god!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind.

*'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him.

*'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10)
**Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him.

*''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...'''
**Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17)
**Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up.

*'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

===Other Last Words===
*'''Oh, light it, quick.'''
**Who: D.P.
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: TBA
*'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space.
*'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!'''
**Who: Ignignokt
*'''The bullet of death blips towards you!'''
**Who: Err
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid.
*'''I got to go.'''
**Who: Freda
**Source: Freda
**Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits.
*'''My party! My precious party! No!'''
**Who: Markula
**Source: Coupless Skate
**Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne.
*'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?'''
**Who: Happy Time Harry
**Source: Dumber Dolls
**Notes: TBA
*'''Shake, No!'''
**Who: Ol' Drippy
**Source: Ol' Drippy
*'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.'''
**Who: Shake's Therapist
**Source: The Creditor
[[Category: Fictional last words]]
[[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]</text>
      <sha1>pdl898exr65hyhqr016gixchf5bsp5t</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951826</id>
      <parentid>3951825</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T20:34:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34346-25</username>
        <id>3340315</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Master Shake */</comment>
      <origin>3951826</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="12595" sha1="8pzobe296xo8hmar0w02fjhwjef93cx" xml:space="preserve">{{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}}
This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant.

===Master Shake===
*'''Is that you, God?'''
**Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5)
**Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad.

*'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording.

*'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets.

*'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.'''
**Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2)
**Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss.

*'''Aren't you coming back?'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I'm straight, look at me!'''
**Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1)
**Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade.

*'''Good night.'''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game.

*'''NOOOO!!!!'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw.

*'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!'''
**Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6)
*Notes: Shake was mauled by bears.

*'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9)
**Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight.

*'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!'''
**Source: Boost Mobile
**Notes: TBA

*'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!'''
**Source: Marines
**Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene.

*'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”'''
**Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13)
**Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire.

*'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!'''
**Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6)
**Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up.

*'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!'''
**Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6)
**Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood.

*'''I got the what now?'''
**Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13)
**Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad.

*''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!'''
**Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1)
**Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen.

*'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.'''
**Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8)
**Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell.
*'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl.
*'''Man, you gotta suck!'''
**Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3)
**Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake.

*'''No, it's not. See, I told you.'''
**Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1)
**Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene.

*'''I'm allergic to shellfish!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares.

*'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams.

*'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--'''
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout.

*'''Who was that guy?'''
**Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]]
**Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him.

===Frylock===

*'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way.

*'''No! No! NO!'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Carl, who has secretly been working with Napkin Lad the whole time, betrays Frylock. During the chase, Carl's car and the Aqua Teens' cart both turn into submarines. Meatwad manages to bail out of their submarine just in time, leaving Frylock trapped inside as it violently crashes into a coral reef, killing him instantly.

*'''Alright. No, wait! The gas leak!'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: TBD

*'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

*'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power.

===Meatwad===
*'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl.

*'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...'''
**Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8)
**Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror.

*'''He left. Again.'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I call my first cigarette.'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: 

*'''Yeah, just keep shoutin', you stupid...'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Frylock accidentally kills Nathan Scott Phillips the snake with Shake and Meatwad inside, killing them, Both Shake and Meatwad are revived as zombies.

===Carl===
*'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!'''''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken.

*'''Fryman. Man. You changed.'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1)
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave.

*'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.'''''
**Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7)
**Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men.

*'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! '''
**Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21)
**Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons.

*'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!'''''
**Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4)
**Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode.

*'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!'''
**Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7)
**Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window.

*'''Whoah! Oh god!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind.

*'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him.

*'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10)
**Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him.

*''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...'''
**Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17)
**Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up.

*'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

===Other Last Words===
*'''Oh, light it, quick.'''
**Who: D.P.
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: TBA
*'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space.
*'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!'''
**Who: Ignignokt
*'''The bullet of death blips towards you!'''
**Who: Err
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid.
*'''I got to go.'''
**Who: Freda
**Source: Freda
**Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits.
*'''My party! My precious party! No!'''
**Who: Markula
**Source: Coupless Skate
**Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne.
*'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?'''
**Who: Happy Time Harry
**Source: Dumber Dolls
**Notes: TBA
*'''Shake, No!'''
**Who: Ol' Drippy
**Source: Ol' Drippy
*'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.'''
**Who: Shake's Therapist
**Source: The Creditor
[[Category: Fictional last words]]
[[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]</text>
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      <id>3951827</id>
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      <text bytes="12334" sha1="k808m3j2299770ulqmr7shn90ovyaph" xml:space="preserve">{{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}}
This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant.

===Master Shake===
*'''Is that you, God?'''
**Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5)
**Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad.

*'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording.

*'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets.

*'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.'''
**Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2)
**Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss.

*'''Aren't you coming back?'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I'm straight, look at me!'''
**Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1)
**Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade.

*'''Good night.'''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game.

*'''NOOOO!!!!'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw.

*'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!'''
**Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6)
*Notes: Shake was mauled by bears.

*'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9)
**Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight.

*'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!'''
**Source: Boost Mobile
**Notes: TBA

*'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!'''
**Source: Marines
**Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene.

*'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”'''
**Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13)
**Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire.

*'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!'''
**Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6)
**Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up.

*'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!'''
**Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6)
**Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood.

*'''I got the what now?'''
**Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13)
**Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad.

*''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!'''
**Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1)
**Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen.

*'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.'''
**Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8)
**Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell.
*'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl.
*'''Man, you gotta suck!'''
**Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3)
**Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake.

*'''No, it's not. See, I told you.'''
**Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1)
**Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene.

*'''I'm allergic to shellfish!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares.

*'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams.

*'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--'''
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout.

*'''Who was that guy?'''
**Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]]
**Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him.

===Frylock===

*'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way.

*'''No! No! NO!'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Carl, who has secretly been working with Napkin Lad the whole time, betrays Frylock. During the chase, Carl's car and the Aqua Teens' cart both turn into submarines. Meatwad manages to bail out of their submarine just in time, leaving Frylock trapped inside as it violently crashes into a coral reef, killing him instantly.

*'''Alright. No, wait! The gas leak!'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: TBD

*'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

*'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power.

===Meatwad===
*'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl.

*'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...'''
**Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8)
**Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror.

*'''He left. Again.'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I call my first cigarette.'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes:

===Carl===
*'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!'''''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken.

*'''Fryman. Man. You changed.'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1)
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave.

*'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.'''''
**Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7)
**Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men.

*'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! '''
**Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21)
**Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons.

*'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!'''''
**Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4)
**Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode.

*'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!'''
**Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7)
**Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window.

*'''Whoah! Oh god!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind.

*'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him.

*'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10)
**Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him.

*''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...'''
**Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17)
**Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up.

*'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

===Other Last Words===
*'''Oh, light it, quick.'''
**Who: D.P.
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: TBA
*'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space.
*'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!'''
**Who: Ignignokt
*'''The bullet of death blips towards you!'''
**Who: Err
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula flew away and Emory hid.
*'''I got to go.'''
**Who: Freda
**Source: Freda
**Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits.
*'''My party! My precious party! No!'''
**Who: Markula
**Source: Coupless Skate
**Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne.
*'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?'''
**Who: Happy Time Harry
**Source: Dumber Dolls
**Notes: TBA
*'''Shake, No!'''
**Who: Ol' Drippy
**Source: Ol' Drippy
*'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.'''
**Who: Shake's Therapist
**Source: The Creditor
[[Category: Fictional last words]]
[[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951829</id>
      <parentid>3951827</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T20:38:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34346-25</username>
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      <text bytes="12889" sha1="8y87iiffsdkl6sswbxwb3var063snyg" xml:space="preserve">{{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}}
This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant.

===Master Shake===
*'''Is that you, God?'''
**Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5)
**Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad.

*'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording.

*'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets.

*'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.'''
**Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2)
**Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss.

*'''Aren't you coming back?'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I'm straight, look at me!'''
**Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1)
**Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade.

*'''Good night.'''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game.

*'''NOOOO!!!!'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw.

*'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!'''
**Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6)
*Notes: Shake was mauled by bears.

*'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9)
**Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight.

*'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!'''
**Source: Boost Mobile
**Notes: TBA

*'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!'''
**Source: Marines
**Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene.

*'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”'''
**Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13)
**Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire.

*'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!'''
**Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6)
**Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up.

*'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!'''
**Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6)
**Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood.

*'''I got the what now?'''
**Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13)
**Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad.

*''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!'''
**Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1)
**Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen.

*'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.'''
**Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8)
**Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell.
*'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl.
*'''Man, you gotta suck!'''
**Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3)
**Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake.

*'''No, it's not. See, I told you.'''
**Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1)
**Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene.

*'''I'm allergic to shellfish!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares.

*'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams.

*'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--'''
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout.

*'''Who was that guy?'''
**Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]]
**Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him.

===Frylock===

*'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way.

*'''No! No! NO!'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Carl, who has secretly been working with Napkin Lad the whole time, betrays Frylock. During the chase, Carl's car and the Aqua Teens' cart both turn into submarines. Meatwad manages to bail out of their submarine just in time, leaving Frylock trapped inside as it violently crashes into a coral reef, killing him instantly.

*'''Alright. No, wait! The gas leak!'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: TBD

*'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

*'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power.

===Meatwad===
*'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl.

*'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...'''
**Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8)
**Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror.

*'''He left. Again.'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I call my first cigarette.'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes:

===Carl===
*'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!'''''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken.

*'''Fryman. Man. You changed.'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1)
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave.

*'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.'''''
**Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7)
**Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men.

*'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! '''
**Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21)
**Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons.

*'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!'''''
**Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4)
**Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode.

*'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!'''
**Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7)
**Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window.

*'''Whoah! Oh god!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind.

*'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him.

*'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10)
**Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him.

*''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...'''
**Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17)
**Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up.

*'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

===Other Last Words===
*'''Oh, light it, quick.'''
**Who: D.P.
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: TBA
*'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space.
*'''Oobie doobie.'''
**Who: Cybernetic Ghost, Zucotti Manicotti and Mothmonsterman
**Notes: Three characters say their last words before getting gunned down by the police. Zucotti Manicotti dies along with the human hand that plays the puppet, Cybernetic Ghost's head explodes, and Mothmonsterman dies. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula just flies away, and Emory simply hides while everyone else gets shredded.
*'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!'''
**Who: Ignignokt
*'''The bullet of death blips towards you!'''
**Who: Err
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula just flies away, and Emory simply hides while everyone else gets shredded.
*'''I got to go.'''
**Who: Freda
**Source: Freda
**Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits.
*'''My party! My precious party! No!'''
**Who: Markula
**Source: Coupless Skate
**Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne.
*'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?'''
**Who: Happy Time Harry
**Source: Dumber Dolls
**Notes: TBA
*'''Shake, No!'''
**Who: Ol' Drippy
**Source: Ol' Drippy
*'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.'''
**Who: Shake's Therapist
**Source: The Creditor
[[Category: Fictional last words]]
[[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951831</id>
      <parentid>3951829</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T20:44:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-34346-25</username>
        <id>3340315</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Other Last Words */</comment>
      <origin>3951831</origin>
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      <text bytes="13451" sha1="qzezu2icp2njq4sc5duwkphfr1wpsg6" xml:space="preserve">{{otherusesof|Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Aqua Teen Hunger Force}}
This is a list of last words in ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''. The series, along with [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters|two]] [[Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm|movies]] and one [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am|video game]] for PlayStation 2 has most deaths. Some characters may have more than one &quot;death,&quot; in instances such as being resurrected, or existing temporarily as an undead being. In some of those instances, their last words from each &quot;death&quot; may be added if they are significant.

===Master Shake===
*'''Is that you, God?'''
**Source: Balloonstein (Season 1, Episode 5)
**Notes: This is Master Shake's first death, where he gets crushed by a giant meatwad.

*'''You were missing that bullet in the magazine that day.'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Is Shot three times by Meatwad. However, his voice was on recording.

*'''No-no-no-no I need to live!!!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Notes: Murdered by Meatwad piloting a high-tech suit armed with rockets.

*'''Okay, wait we can discuss this.'''
**Source: Unremarkable Voyage (Season 3, Episode 2)
**Notes: Shake is tortured by Meatwad, Frylock, and Carl, dying of shock and blood loss.

*'''Aren't you coming back?'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Meatwad die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I'm straight, look at me!'''
**Source: Dirtfoot (Season 4, Episode 1)
**Notes: He accidentally sliced himself in half with a katana blade.

*'''Good night.'''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Note: Shake says this before commits suicide by jumping into Carl's piranha filled pool, overdosed on sleeping pills and carbon monoxide in the next scene, he is later seen in the video game in the television when Frylock was playing the game.

*'''NOOOO!!!!'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Was completely killed with a chainsaw.

*'''This is the dumbest thing I've ever done!'''
**Source: Vampires ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 6)
*Notes: Shake was mauled by bears.

*'''Oh yeah, Is that what you think? Why don't you hit that switch over there and you tell me?'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 9)
**Notes: Shake hooks himself via his straw to a vacuum in an attempt to loss weight.

*'''Woah! You do have molecular transporters! Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!'''
**Source: Boost Mobile
**Notes: TBA

*'''Hell no! Let's see the Marines try to take me like this!'''
**Source: Marines
**Notes: The death is not canon, Shake shot himself with a gun, and his head is reassembled in another scene.

*'''Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!”'''
**Source: Dumber Dolls (Season 1, Episode 13)
**Note: Master Shake fell off after the branch snapped that he was holding, he came back in a wheelchair and lift the sword up, lightning struck Master Shake and he fell off, and is set on fire.

*'''Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!!'''
**Source: Party All the Time (Season 4, Episode 6)
**Notes: Is exploded while being tied to a rocket after Meatwad lighted it up.

*'''Yeah, I'll see you nerds later. Help me up... bitch. Then I'm out of here!'''
**Source: Bookie ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 6)
**Note: Shake had swallowed the sword, which he killed himself by impaling himself through mouth and lost a lot of blood.

*'''I got the what now?'''
**Source: Carl (Season 3, Episode 13)
**Notes: Shake gruesomely gets his skin pulled off before dying to Frylock’s security bot ordered by Meatwad.

*''[mooing]'' '''I'm serious! Coyotes! I'm too fat!'''
**Source: Muscles ([[Aqua TV Show Show|ATVSS]], Episode 1)
**Notes: Was mauled by coyotes off-screen.

*'''Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell.'''
**Source: Juggalo (Season 7, Episode 8)
**Notes: He commits suicide by shooting himself to death with a shotgun, at the end of the episode, he is seen washing Carl's Carl in hell.
*'''Oh, hey man. Whoa. AHHHH!!!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Frylock and Carl.
*'''Man, you gotta suck!'''
**Source: The Hairy Bus ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 3)
**Notes: Shake went inside the Hairy Bus, and then he is being slowly dissolved by the Bus' digestive juices, already enough his facial muscles are exposed, Frylock then sticks a stick of dynamite in the Hairy Bus' exhaust pipe/anal cavity and lights it, the dynamite explodes, blowing the Hairy Bus to bits and killing it and Shake.

*'''No, it's not. See, I told you.'''
**Source: Big Bro ([[Aqua Something You Know Whatever|ASYKW]], Episode 1)
**Notes: This death is non-canon, Shake sticked a shotgun up in his mouth and kills himself, then revived in another scene.

*'''I'm allergic to shellfish!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake was killed inside his nightmares.

*'''AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FOREVER!!!'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Shake and Meatwad go to Clamydia to save Frylock's life by getting a new jewel, but Shake was eaten alive by clams.

*'''Forgive them, Jimmy. They know not what they--'''
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever TOLD ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Notes: Master Shake says this while getting gunned down by the police men, before he is killed, while Err, Ignignokt, Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout.

*'''Who was that guy?'''
**Source: [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am]]
**Notes: Shake was crushed to death when the Ultra-Mega Chicken's foot lands on Shake, flattening him.

===Frylock===

*'''Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too.'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: The Aqua Teens witnessed Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him, Frylock exploded the same way.

*'''No! No! NO!'''
**Source: Last Dance for Napkin Lad ([[Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1|AUPS1]], Episode 10)
**Notes: Carl, who has secretly been working with Napkin Lad the whole time, betrays Frylock. During the chase, Carl's car and the Aqua Teens' cart both turn into submarines. Meatwad manages to bail out of their submarine just in time, leaving Frylock trapped inside as it violently crashes into a coral reef, killing him instantly.

*'''Alright. No, wait! The gas leak!'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes: TBD

*'''Here's the kickball, who's your friend?'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

*'''Did you...''' ''[gasps]'' '''Did you get the jewel?'''
**Source: The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fuckinh Mean It) ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 8)
**Notes: Frylock told Shake that he needs a new jewel or he's dead forever, Meatwad and Shake go to Clamydia to retreive the jewel from the giant clam, but Meatwad leaves it after using it to zap all the clams, then Frylock dies after his jewel ran out of power.

===Meatwad===
*'''Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Note: Meatwad exploded as well, just like Frylock and Carl.

*'''What does that matter? None of that matters now...'''
**Source: Grim Reaper Gutters (Season 4, Episode 8)
**Note: He shot himself with a gun, much to Shake and Frylock's horror.

*'''He left. Again.'''
**Source: THE (Season 2, Episode 22)
**Notes: He, Carl and Master Shake die of conjunctivitis after the episode.

*'''I call my first cigarette.'''
**Source: Reedickyoulous
**Notes:

===Carl===
*'''''NO!! NO!! NO!!!'''''
**Source: Video Oujia (Season 3, Episode 1)
**Notes: Carl was completely crushed to death by being flattened by the Ultra Mega Chicken.

*'''Fryman. Man. You changed.'''
**Source: Super Birthday Snake (Season 2, Episode 1)
**Notes: Inside a simulation, Carl was killed by being stabbed by Frlock and being thrown into his grave.

*'''Ah, that takes two of ya. ''Let's go.'''''
**Source: Global Grilling (Season 4, Episode 7)
**Notes: Inside Shake's daydream, Carl was completely congested by the mucus men.

*'''This is your, uh, great, great, great, uh... Your mother! '''
**Source: The Dressing (Season 2, Episode 21)
**Notes: Was blown up by many Turkitrons.

*'''Hey Nug, you gonna sign my arrow?''' ['''Ted Nugent''': Don't move man.] '''I got a Cat Scratch Fever loincloth I still wear on laundry night.''' ['''Ted Nugent''': I'm tellin' ya, don't move!] '''Why, what's the- ''AAAAAHHH!!'''''
**Source: Gee Whiz (Season 3, Episode 4)
**Note: He was shot with an flaming arrow and has his upper body explode.

*'''No, no, I can't. I'm more of an expert at, uh- EXPOSING the moon. Get out your telescope! See if you'll find, uh, the one crater! Wait a minute- No, no, no! It's cool! It's all cool here! NO! NO!'''
**Source: 2-and-a-Half-Star Wars Out of Five (Season 6, Episode 7)
**Note: Carl was mauled to death by Drew offscreen, blood can be seen gushing out of his window.

*'''Whoah! Oh god!'''
**Source: Total Re-Carl (Season 2, Episode 13)
**Note: Carl is shredded alive in Frank's environmental friendly toilet, leaving his head, his flip flops and his clothes behind.

*'''Ohhh, I'm starting to itch now. Itch real bad. Go back up here, get out of my penis. Hold on. Have you been tested?'''
**Source: She Creature (Season 6, Episode 3)
**Notes: Exploded into mermaid babies after the She Creature implanted eggs inside him.

*'''It's pecan fudge, Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. We're doing this thing right now and it is in your-'''
**Source: The South Bronx Paradise Diet (Season 3, Episode 10)
**Notes: He died when he has a parasite come out of him.

*''' Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...'''
**Source: Kidney Car (Season 2, Episode 17)
**Notes: Carl has his head explode because Shake told him to go to his house and shut up.

*'''Uh, whatever it is you're about to do. Can we do it at the commercial break?''' ''[Creditor growls]'' '''All right, danke schoen, right? Isn't that what you're speaking, Kraut? Uh, wait! I don't know German!'''
**Source: The Creditor
**Notes: Has his skull ripped out, along with Shake and Frylock.

===Other Last Words===
*'''Oh, light it, quick.'''
**Who: D.P.
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: TBA
*'''And that’s why I said you could not buy the roller skates. Hey, what happened to the window?'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
**Source: Frat Aliens
**Notes: Oglethorpe and Emory are flung out of space.
*'''Oobie doobie.'''
**Who: Cybernetic Ghost, Zucotti Manicotti and Mothmonsterman
**Notes: Three characters say their last words before getting gunned down by the police. Zucotti Manicotti dies along with the human hand that plays the puppet, Cybernetic Ghost's head explodes, and Mothmonsterman dies. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula just flies away, and Emory simply hides while everyone else gets shredded.
*'''Ooh! The beast is in the heat! It's stooping me all over my crevices!'''
**Who: Oglethorpe
*'''Shhh... it's okay, it's okay, cause tonight, it's you.'''
**Who: Hand Banana
**Notes: Two characters say their last words before Oglethorpe dies and gets decapitated with blood coming out and Hand Banana while he rapes him dies as well, Emory watches in shock. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula just flies away, and Emory simply hides while everyone else gets shredded.
*'''Re-Unit-E on Ice!'''
**Who: Ignignokt
*'''The bullet of death blips towards you!'''
**Who: Err
**Source: The Greatest Story Ever Told ([[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever|ATHFF]], Episode 9)
**Note: Err and Ignignokt get gunned down by the police men, disappears and leaves the pixel coins behind, while the other ATHF villians including Cybernetic Ghost, Oglethorpe, Hand Banana, Zucotti Manicotti, and Mothmonsterman. However, Romulux, Rabbot, Markula and Emory survived the shootout. Romulux was a tar monster, Rabbot was bullet proof, Markula just flies away, and Emory simply hides while everyone else gets shredded.
*'''I got to go.'''
**Who: Freda
**Source: Freda
**Notes: Freda commits suicide by jumping into the highway, being ran over by multiple vehicles. She later appears in the [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever]] opening and credits.
*'''My party! My precious party! No!'''
**Who: Markula
**Source: Coupless Skate
**Notes: Accidentally dissolved by Carl with champagne.
*'''Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?'''
**Who: Happy Time Harry
**Source: Dumber Dolls
**Notes: TBA
*'''Shake, No!'''
**Who: Ol' Drippy
**Source: Ol' Drippy
*'''Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. Don't do this, I thought we were past this.'''
**Who: Shake's Therapist
**Source: The Creditor
[[Category: Fictional last words]]
[[Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>2026 Iran war</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>304631</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951637</id>
      <parentid>3951572</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:45:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Baratiiman</username>
        <id>842201</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951637</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="95934" sha1="ppky9pmhzlp9uk3xh3ac1fntah9ndnm" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Trump Iran Map.jpg|thumb|United States of Middle East?[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116624042090139559 ]]]
[[File:2026-04-07 Trump – A whole civilization will die tonight 2026-04-07 192815.png|thumb|]][[File:IRGC Seal Chest Badge.svg|thumb|Borderless fighters are overseeing your transit chokepoints. If necessary, others will also come Continue your aggression and they will seize your throat] ~ CmdrGeneralQaani [https://www.tasnimnews.ir/en/news/2026/06/09/3612261/resistance-s-new-security-belt-extends-from-hormuz-to-bab-el-mandeb-irgc-quds-force-chief ]]][[File:Dedication Stone De Becker Memorial Chapel American College.jpg|thumb|We Must Recommit to One Nation Under God.Therefore, we must restore the military draft Being a citizen of the United States gives us unparalleled freedoms and opportunities that are the envy of the world. However, these freedoms that we cherish do not come without a cost [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/celebrity/articles/comedian-rob-schneider-proposes-military-184035757.html?guccounter=1 Schneider]]][[File:Achaemenid cylinder seal showing 2 scenes. An Achaemenid king before 2 sphinxes (below god Ahura Mazda). Supernatural creature fighting 2 ibexes. 6th-4th century BCE. From Hillah, Iraq. British Museum (cropped).jpg|thumb|Straits of Hormuz are named after Ahura Mazda from Zoroastrianism [https://nitter.poast.org/elonmusk/status/2063866701356089711#m Musk]]][[File:Imam Khamenei with his son, Ayatollah Sayyid Mojtaba Khamenei.jpg|thumb|Younger. I think more rational. Wounded. He is quite seriously wounded. There is a certain bravery in that ~[https://news.am/en/news/1041776 Trump]]][[File:Abdul_Rahman_Mosque_in_March_2010.jpg|thumb|There is women with manteaus being thrown out of mosques but they are now the ones waving flag [https://www.tabnak.ir/fa/news/1375015/%D9%BE%D8%B2%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%AF-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%85%E2%80%8C%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C%E2%80%8C%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF Pezeshkia]]][[File:Comintern Logo.svg|thumb|Cuba has collapsed. We will handle that as soon as we take care of the Islamic Republic of IranWe will take good care of them. We will let them go back to their land, invest in Cuba, and be with their families. We have very good plan… then on our way back, we’ll make a little brief stop These are unbelievable people. Energetic. Entrepreneurial. Some of the richest people in Miami are Cuban[https://en.cibercuba.com/noticias/2026-06-05-u1-e199894-s27061-nid331291-trump-asegura-cubanos-quieren-presencia-estados Trump]]]
[[File:Abbas Araghchi in a interview with khamenei.ir (cropped 2).jpg|thumb|The building where we were sitting was targeted, but the wing we were in remained intact , After returning from the Geneva negotiations on Friday, I went to his office at 9 a.m. on Saturday to present my report, My report was about the negotiations and the atmosphere that emerged on Friday, which made the possibility of war much greater, When I got out from under the rubble, I was only thinking about whether he had been the target of the strike or not ~Iraqchi[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202606047013 ]]][[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|If Iran surrenders, admits their Navy is gone and resting at the bottom of the sea, and their Air Force is no longer with us, and if their entire Military walks out of Tehran, weapons dropped and hands held high, each shouting “I surrender, I surrender” while wildly waving the representative White Flag, and if their entire remaining Leadership signs all necessary “Documents of Surrender,” and admit their defeat to the great power and force of the magnificent U.S.A., The Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media, will headline that Iran had a Masterful and Brilliant Victory over The United States of America, it wasn’t even close ~ Trump[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605262547 ]]][[File:Official portrait of Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (borderless) (cropped).jpg|thumb|We have seized about a billion dollars of their crypto, Just outright grabbed the wallets. I think between five and a half-six weeks of an incredibly successful military campaign and then Operation Economic Fury, where we have really cut them off … they are at the end of their tether now financially. We didn't have regime change but we changed the regime, on one side, we have a theocracy with the clerics. On the other side, we have a thug autocracy with the IRGC. And you've got to convince both sides.[https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/scott-bessent-says-us-seized-roughly-1b-iranian-crypto-regime-nears-end-tether  ~Bessent]]][[File:Official portrait of Secretary Marco Rubio (cropped)(2).jpg|thumb|One of the things you'll find pretty consistently in every totalitarian system is that they want to control the ability of their citizens to communicate with one another ~Rubio [https://x.com/StateDept/status/2062260777348718963 ]]]
[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Blockade Plus : Sustain the blockade and accompanying economic warfare to destabilize the regime’s hold on the state; remake the world in America’s energy dominance image to mitigate long-term price impacts while undermining China’s global ambition to defeat the United States; and order the US military to forge a path through the Strait of Hormuz to restore freedom of navigation [https://nypost.com/2026/05/01/opinion/heres-how-to-crush-tehran-in-three-moves/ ]]]

[[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]]

[[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]]
[[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: &quot;I think the war is very complete, pretty much&quot; (Mar 9th)]]
[[File:Shajareh_Tayyebeh_school_in_Minab_photos_from_Mehr_(12).jpg|thumb|The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, {{w|2026 Minab school attack|a few weeks ago}}, you bomb the schools, you bomb the hospitals. - [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/] ]]

On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]].

The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran.

In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]].
[[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]]

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Please add quotes in chronological order&lt;/small&gt;
===Feb 2026===
* Will someone please tell [[Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] that Iran has killed at least 42,000 innocent, completely unarmed, protesters in the last two months?
**[https://www.wsj.com/livecoverage/iran-us-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-updates/card/trump-criticizing-pope-says-iran-killed-at-least-42-000-protesters-gtRzVnxAMEMeQ8b5ygR2 Trump]
*I guess the worst case would be five years we do this and somebody takes over who's as bad as the previous person,
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/03/us/politics/trump-iran-leaders.html Trump]
*We have lost our great leader, and we deeply mourn him. We'll severely punish the perpetrators. , with an exceptionally severe, decisive, and painful punishment. We'll resolutely confront domestic and foreign conspiracies and punish the aggressors.
**[https://baike.baidu.com/en/item/Grand%20Ayatollah%20Seyyed%20Ali%20Khamenei/1512308#4-5:~:text=On-,February%2028%2C%202026,-%2C%20local%20time%2C%20Iranian IRGC]15:27, 28 Febr 2026 (UTC)~
*Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your  government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for
**Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..]
*firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves.
**Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ]
*There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians.
**IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ]
*400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system
**Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ]
*Russia and China will win the war not just Iran
**IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ]
*We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves
**IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ]
*If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij.
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ]
* I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal.
** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, &quot;Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'&quot; (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&amp;t=38s A Youtube video source.]

*Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare]
*The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare]
*To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare]
*War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy
**[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA]
*A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ]
*We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see
**Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ]
*Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight.
**Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ]

[[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]]

===Mar 2026===
*All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait
**IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ]
*How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum
**Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ]
*We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year
**IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ]
*Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people.
**Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ]
*The recent war is between good and evil
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]
*Like thunder we will strike Haifa
**IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ]
* Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure...
** Dana Allin, &quot;US politics and the war against Iran&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ &quot;The US-Israel campaign in Iran&quot;] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org

*This is a war that should end it once and for all.
::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026)

*Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces.
**foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ]

*There is no shelter you can be safe 
**[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text]

*We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender.
**IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ]

*Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price
**Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ]

* Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war.
** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)]

*Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them
::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ]

*From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection.
::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam]

* These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war.
** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&amp;t=600s &quot;The war with Iran: An expert analysis&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel.

* I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war.
** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], &quot;Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''.

* Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

* If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, &quot;Any country with super
* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

*The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ &quot;The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how&quot;] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report

* Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an &quot;imminent threat&quot; ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned?  ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence.
** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, &quot;[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches&quot; (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}''

*  Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]].
** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]],  &quot;Flying blind&quot; (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ &quot;After the strike: The danger of war in Iran&quot;] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]].

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

*It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]].
** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&amp;t=196s 3:16.]

* [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, &quot;Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent.&quot; You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, &quot;We don't think you're telling the truth about this either&quot;? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with.
** [[David Frum]], &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols&quot; The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026)

*&quot;Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran&quot; (Mar 4, 2026)
**&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it.
** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]]
*War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time.
** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]]
*I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us.
** Rep. [[Jason Crow]]

* Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... &quot;This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]].&quot; ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable.
** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel.

*[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons.
**[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html &quot;Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US&quot;]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026)

*[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious...  [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or  ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...&lt;br /&gt;[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing.
** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&amp;t=74s &quot;Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel.

*Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid.
**Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026)

* Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... 
** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability &quot;Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]].

* [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people.
** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, &quot;Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''&quot; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&amp;t=62s 1:02,] 5:08.

* Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! 
** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, &quot;Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates&quot; (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}.

*I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026)

*US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait 
**[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026)

*If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026)

*Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever
**Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026)

*Take Bahrain back! Annex it
**MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026

*I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can.
**Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ]

*Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders.
**[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026)

*The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html &quot;Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026)

*As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed
**Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026)
*Just run!
**IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners
**FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go
**Minister of youth &amp; sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026)
*Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. 
**VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026)
*When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.
**[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 &quot;Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026)
*It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o &quot;Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026)
*Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026)

*[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026)

* Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel.
**Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479]

*We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026)

[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]]
*If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo &quot;Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026)

*In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]].
** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ &quot;How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis&quot;] (21 March 2026)

*No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them.
**Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 &quot;Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it&quot;], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026)

*Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped.
**[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present &quot;Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'&quot;], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026)

*Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself?
**Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning &quot;US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026)

* The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever.
** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks &quot;Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks&quot;], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026)

*This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.
* ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’
**[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 &quot;'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026)

===Apr 2026===
[[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]]
*We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 &quot;Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'&quot;], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html &quot;Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’&quot;], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink.
**[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and &quot;Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026)

*In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption.
**Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters]

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026)

* Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations.
** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire &quot;US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate!
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks &quot;JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 )

*The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet.
**[[JD Vance]]  quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html &quot;Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re going to clean out the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait.
**Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

[[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]]

* In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran.
** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026)

* [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026)

* Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt &quot;Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026)

* We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions.
** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 &quot;Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026)

===May 2026===
*Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 
*Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth]
*Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed
**Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026)
* Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation?
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026)

* Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US &quot;Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026)

* Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. 
** Trump quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t &quot;Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026)

* We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games.
** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026)

* We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat.
** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo &quot;Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable&quot;], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026)

* 1. They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution; 2. No Muslim country came to Iran aid. What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this; 3.Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel); 4. On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you; 5. Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region;  6. Unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone
**letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ]
*If you want Internet, pack and get up, leave your things, go to Afghanistan, live where there is Internet.
**IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p
*Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners.
**[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent]
*God's order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped out. Division causes failure against enemies 
**Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated.
**[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destroyed.
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] (15 May 2026)

*China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire
**Chinese FM Wang in [https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851] (15 May 2026)

*The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way
**[https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi], Iraqchi (15 May 2026)

*We’ve taken out much of what we’d have to do, probably another two weeks, two weeks, maybe three weeks I’m very torn on it, because they lost 42,000 people in the first two weeks. I don’t really want to see that You can’t have an unarmed population against people with AK-47s The Iranian people have to have guns and I think they’re getting some guns.

* As soon as they have guns, they’ll fight like as good as anybody there is.
**President Trump 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~~[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605057012 ]
*They can either agree to a piece of paper that is satisfactory to the United States, or they can face a punishment from our military, the likes of which has not been seen in modern history. That’s the choice that they face
**Miller [https://unb.com.bd/category/World/trump-official-warns-iran-of-unprecedented-military-action-over-deal-holdout/186431 ] 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Our American issue solves when they surely get the powerfulness we have , and they can't do anything against us
**Mohamed Mkokhber[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222394/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D8%AD%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%84-%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%84-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%84-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 ] (22 May 2026)
* Matchmaking booths had been set up at rallies in Tehran, allowing young men and women to register for introductions under what organizers call “easy marriage.
**Fars[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605215847 ]
*It's a possibility Iran we can go around ceasefire 
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222363/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%DA%A9%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B3%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%B2 ] National security Islamic Cunsultative Assembly MP (22 May 2026)
*Trying to prohibit Iranians in LA from bringing the Lion and Sun flag into the stadium is like trying to prevent Americans from bringing the U.S. flag into an American stadium. It would cause mass unrest.

* [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] matches best illustrate the passion Iranian-Americans feel for their homeland and the contempt they feel toward the Iranian government. Waving the Lion and Sun flag is simultaneously a show of support for the national team and a protest against the regime.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7288376/2026/05/19/world-cup-fifa-iran-flag/] ''NYTimes'' (22 May 2026)

* This is not good timing for me, I have a thing called Iran and other things
** Trump quoted in [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605214172#:~:text=US%20President%20Donald%20Trump%20said,called%20Iran%20and%20other%20things.%E2%80%9D ] (22 May 2026)

* I laugh at all of the Dumocrats, RINOS, and Fools who know nothing about the potential deal I am making with Iran, things that haven’t even been negotiated yet.
** Trump quoted in [https://nypost.com/2026/05/25/us-news/president-trump-heralds-memorial-day-by-trashing-dumocrats-rinos-and-fools/ &quot;Trump trashes ‘Dumocrats, RINOS and Fools’ who question his Iran plans in Memorial Day message&quot;] ''NYPost'' (22 May 2026)

*The ayatollah has been replaced by a ‘thugocracy’. 
**Kirk Lippold [https://www.japantimes.co.jp/commentary/2026/06/03/world/instability-powerful-political-instrument/ ][https://www.taipeitimes.com/News/editorials/archives/2026/05/21/2003857691 ][https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394301883112 ]
*You lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers in these various wars. In two wars; Venezuela—where we lost nobody—and here We took over Venezuela. We essentially took over Iran. We have lost so far 13 people. Somebody else would have lost 100,000 people
**[https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-iran-war-soldiers-killed Trump]

* The humiliating defeat of Israel and the United States in their war on Iran, along with the savagery of the ongoing {{w|Gaza genocide|genocide in Gaza}}, are ushering in a new world order. This order is one where voices of reason and stability emanate not from the West — which spent tens of billions of dollars sustaining Israel’s genocide — but from the Global South, including China. It is an order where alliances are being rapidly reconfigured to protect countries from a rogue American state that lashes out like a wounded beast, as it spirals toward terminal decline.
** [[Chris Hedges]], &quot;[https://scheerpost.com/2026/05/29/the-rise-of-the-global-south/ The Rise of the Global South].&quot; Scheerpost (29 May 2026)

===June 2026===
* What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking crazy. You'd be in prison if it weren't for me. I'm saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this.
* I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way have already been turned back.
** [https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-israel-lebanon-call Trump to Bibi Netanyahu][https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-lebanon-israel-bomb-beirut &quot;'You're fucking crazy': Trump fumes at Netanyahu in call on Lebanon&quot;] ''Axios'' (June 1, 2026)

* I don’t care if they’re over, honestly. I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less. If they’re over, they’re over. If they’re not, you know, I think they took too much time. Frankly, I think they started to get a little boring.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted on peace talks in [https://www.jezebel.com/iran-war-donald-trump-boring-bored-quote-ceasefire-negotiations-suspended-israel-lebanon &quot;Uh Oh, Trump Is Bored with Iran Peace Talks. You Know What That Means.&quot;], ''Jezebel'' (June 2, 2026)

*Well, they’ve been largely decapitated. And I call it a military exercise because people would rather have it called that. They put up a blockade and so we blockaded them
*[https://fortune.com/2026/06/07/trump-iran-war-military-exercise-fighting-strait-of-hormuz-no-new-wars-promise/ Trump]
*I said, ‘Bibi, you better be careful, or you will be on your own very soon,
**[https://english.elpais.com/international/2026-06-09/iran-war-drives-a-wedge-between-trump-and-netanyahu.html Trump] (9 June 2026)
*Iran thing it's not a big thing for us
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html?eafs_enabled=false Trump] (3 June 2026)

*We have the highest stock market in history with a military conflict going on, or a war — some people call it war, some people call it a military — it’s not a big thing for us.
**Trump [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html] ''New York Times'' (3 June 2026)

*Communists always do well with the Voters or, as they would say, THE PEOPLE, in the Early Years! But, in the end, the Country, State, or City, GOES TO HELL! Great Violence proceeds at levels never seen before, and the entity dissolves into Poverty, Squalor, and Crime. Remember, breathtaking “Popularity” first, and then, guaranteed DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.ntd.com/trump-decries-communism-says-its-breathtaking-popularity-turns-to-death-destruction-squalor_1150163.html] ''NTD'' (4 June 2026)

* It’s a different part of the world. You know, I’d say in that part of the world, a ceasefire is when you’re shooting in a more moderate manner.
** Trump quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-iran-war-nuclear-deal-f6c5007b28e596e562c88b93ee785d91 &quot;With Trump in a holding pattern on Iran war, allies and critics worry he risks getting boxed in&quot;], ''AP News'' (4 June 2026)

*There is a reason for everything. We hit them pretty hard the night before and actually last night. And when it was explained to me, I said, ‘all right, so we'll do that.’ But we've been hitting them pretty hard.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/trump-iran-war-attacks-kuwait-airport-israel-hezbollah-ceasefire/ Trump] (4 June 2026)

*Yesterday, in a meaningless vote, the House voted, 4 bad Republicans and all of the Dumocrats, to limit my War Powers, right in the middle of my final negotiations to end the War with the Islamic Republic of Iran. Who would do such an unpatriotic thing. They know where the negotiations stand. The Democrats are fueled by Trump Derangement Syndrome. They would rather have our Country fail than give me another, of many, victories. The four Republicans, that’s a whole other story - They’re GRANDSTANDERS! They should be ashamed of themselves. MAGA!!! President DJT
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-trump-ceasefire-kuwait-israel-lebanon-b2989234.html], ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)

*If people are stupid, we’ll end up in something where we have to wipe out an entire infrastructure of a nation
**[https://www.aol.com/articles/trump-dealmaker-chief-reputation-comes-100000144.html Trump] (10 June 2026)

*The Fake News Media refuses to report how EFFECTIVE the U.S. Naval BLOCKADE is, the most successful Blockade in the history of Naval Warfare. NOTHING GETS THROUGH unless we want it to. IT IS A STEEL WALL! Iran is doing ZERO business, not paying their military, or any of their bills, and quickly becoming a FAILED NATION! Lots of oil is getting out. Praise be to Allah! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725591109474316] (10 June 2026)

*Iran’s Military is a complete and total mess. Much of it, like their Navy and Air Force, doesn’t even exist anymore - They have been completely defeated. Iran is all talk and no action. The Bully of the Middle East is DEAD!!! They’ve taken too long to negotiate a deal that would have been great for them, now they will have to pay the price!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725476229257491] (10 June 2026)
*Last month, I directed our Great U.S. Military to execute a secret mission to support Oil Tankers and other Commercial Ships through the Straight of Hormuz. Today, I am pleased to announce that this effort has resulted in more than 100 MILLION Barrels of Oil making its way through the Straight, and into the Open Market. More than 200 Commercial Ships have safely traveled through the Strait. This wildly successful effort is because the UNITED STATES of AMERICA CONTROLS the Strait of Hormuz — NOT Iran. Their military is defeated, and their economy is lost. It’s over for Iran! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP&quot;
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-oil-war-b2993489.html Trump to Iran: I just took your oil] ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)
*The United States will be hitting Iran (Whose Navy, Air Force, Radar, Anti Aircraft, and all other forms of Defense, together with most of its offensive capability, are GONE!), VERY HARD TONIGHT. At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets, much like we have with Venezuela, which is working out brilliantly for both Venezuela and the United States of America. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/116731447139970106

== See also ==
* [[Iran]]
* [[Israel]]
* [[Middle East]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Might makes right]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict]
* [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage]

[[Category:2026]]
[[Category:2020s in Iran]]
[[Category:Wars and battles]]
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      <text bytes="96708" sha1="069k767bs7uj5b8xvn7y66z35lktavj" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Trump Iran Map.jpg|thumb|United States of Middle East?[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116624042090139559 ]]]
[[File:2026-04-07 Trump – A whole civilization will die tonight 2026-04-07 192815.png|thumb|Based on the fact that discussions with the Islamic Republic of Iran have been brought to the highest level of Iranian leadership and approved, I have, as President of the United States of America, cancelled the scheduled strikes and bombings against Iran this evening. Discussions and final points have been, in both concept and great detail, approved by all parties involved, including the United States, Israel, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Turkey, Pakistan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Jordan, Egypt, and others. The Naval Blockade will remain in full force and effect until this Transaction is finalized — Time and place of the signing to be announced shortly.

DONALD J. TRUMP
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/116732652997120164 ]]][[File:IRGC Seal Chest Badge.svg|thumb|Borderless fighters are overseeing your transit chokepoints. If necessary, others will also come Continue your aggression and they will seize your throat] ~ CmdrGeneralQaani [https://www.tasnimnews.ir/en/news/2026/06/09/3612261/resistance-s-new-security-belt-extends-from-hormuz-to-bab-el-mandeb-irgc-quds-force-chief ]]][[File:Dedication Stone De Becker Memorial Chapel American College.jpg|thumb|We Must Recommit to One Nation Under God.Therefore, we must restore the military draft Being a citizen of the United States gives us unparalleled freedoms and opportunities that are the envy of the world. However, these freedoms that we cherish do not come without a cost [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/celebrity/articles/comedian-rob-schneider-proposes-military-184035757.html?guccounter=1 Schneider]]][[File:Achaemenid cylinder seal showing 2 scenes. An Achaemenid king before 2 sphinxes (below god Ahura Mazda). Supernatural creature fighting 2 ibexes. 6th-4th century BCE. From Hillah, Iraq. British Museum (cropped).jpg|thumb|Straits of Hormuz are named after Ahura Mazda from Zoroastrianism [https://nitter.poast.org/elonmusk/status/2063866701356089711#m Musk]]][[File:Imam Khamenei with his son, Ayatollah Sayyid Mojtaba Khamenei.jpg|thumb|Younger. I think more rational. Wounded. He is quite seriously wounded. There is a certain bravery in that ~[https://news.am/en/news/1041776 Trump]]][[File:Abdul_Rahman_Mosque_in_March_2010.jpg|thumb|There is women with manteaus being thrown out of mosques but they are now the ones waving flag [https://www.tabnak.ir/fa/news/1375015/%D9%BE%D8%B2%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%AF-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%85%E2%80%8C%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C%E2%80%8C%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF Pezeshkia]]][[File:Comintern Logo.svg|thumb|Cuba has collapsed. We will handle that as soon as we take care of the Islamic Republic of IranWe will take good care of them. We will let them go back to their land, invest in Cuba, and be with their families. We have very good plan… then on our way back, we’ll make a little brief stop These are unbelievable people. Energetic. Entrepreneurial. Some of the richest people in Miami are Cuban[https://en.cibercuba.com/noticias/2026-06-05-u1-e199894-s27061-nid331291-trump-asegura-cubanos-quieren-presencia-estados Trump]]]
[[File:Abbas Araghchi in a interview with khamenei.ir (cropped 2).jpg|thumb|The building where we were sitting was targeted, but the wing we were in remained intact , After returning from the Geneva negotiations on Friday, I went to his office at 9 a.m. on Saturday to present my report, My report was about the negotiations and the atmosphere that emerged on Friday, which made the possibility of war much greater, When I got out from under the rubble, I was only thinking about whether he had been the target of the strike or not ~Iraqchi[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202606047013 ]]][[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|If Iran surrenders, admits their Navy is gone and resting at the bottom of the sea, and their Air Force is no longer with us, and if their entire Military walks out of Tehran, weapons dropped and hands held high, each shouting “I surrender, I surrender” while wildly waving the representative White Flag, and if their entire remaining Leadership signs all necessary “Documents of Surrender,” and admit their defeat to the great power and force of the magnificent U.S.A., The Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media, will headline that Iran had a Masterful and Brilliant Victory over The United States of America, it wasn’t even close ~ Trump[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605262547 ]]][[File:Official portrait of Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (borderless) (cropped).jpg|thumb|We have seized about a billion dollars of their crypto, Just outright grabbed the wallets. I think between five and a half-six weeks of an incredibly successful military campaign and then Operation Economic Fury, where we have really cut them off … they are at the end of their tether now financially. We didn't have regime change but we changed the regime, on one side, we have a theocracy with the clerics. On the other side, we have a thug autocracy with the IRGC. And you've got to convince both sides.[https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/scott-bessent-says-us-seized-roughly-1b-iranian-crypto-regime-nears-end-tether  ~Bessent]]][[File:Official portrait of Secretary Marco Rubio (cropped)(2).jpg|thumb|One of the things you'll find pretty consistently in every totalitarian system is that they want to control the ability of their citizens to communicate with one another ~Rubio [https://x.com/StateDept/status/2062260777348718963 ]]]
[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Blockade Plus : Sustain the blockade and accompanying economic warfare to destabilize the regime’s hold on the state; remake the world in America’s energy dominance image to mitigate long-term price impacts while undermining China’s global ambition to defeat the United States; and order the US military to forge a path through the Strait of Hormuz to restore freedom of navigation [https://nypost.com/2026/05/01/opinion/heres-how-to-crush-tehran-in-three-moves/ ]]]

[[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]]

[[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]]
[[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: &quot;I think the war is very complete, pretty much&quot; (Mar 9th)]]
[[File:Shajareh_Tayyebeh_school_in_Minab_photos_from_Mehr_(12).jpg|thumb|The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, {{w|2026 Minab school attack|a few weeks ago}}, you bomb the schools, you bomb the hospitals. - [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/] ]]

On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]].

The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran.

In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]].
[[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]]

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Please add quotes in chronological order&lt;/small&gt;
===Feb 2026===
* Will someone please tell [[Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] that Iran has killed at least 42,000 innocent, completely unarmed, protesters in the last two months?
**[https://www.wsj.com/livecoverage/iran-us-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-updates/card/trump-criticizing-pope-says-iran-killed-at-least-42-000-protesters-gtRzVnxAMEMeQ8b5ygR2 Trump]
*I guess the worst case would be five years we do this and somebody takes over who's as bad as the previous person,
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/03/us/politics/trump-iran-leaders.html Trump]
*We have lost our great leader, and we deeply mourn him. We'll severely punish the perpetrators. , with an exceptionally severe, decisive, and painful punishment. We'll resolutely confront domestic and foreign conspiracies and punish the aggressors.
**[https://baike.baidu.com/en/item/Grand%20Ayatollah%20Seyyed%20Ali%20Khamenei/1512308#4-5:~:text=On-,February%2028%2C%202026,-%2C%20local%20time%2C%20Iranian IRGC]15:27, 28 Febr 2026 (UTC)~
*Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your  government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for
**Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..]
*firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves.
**Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ]
*There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians.
**IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ]
*400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system
**Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ]
*Russia and China will win the war not just Iran
**IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ]
*We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves
**IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ]
*If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij.
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ]
* I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal.
** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, &quot;Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'&quot; (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&amp;t=38s A Youtube video source.]

*Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare]
*The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare]
*To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare]
*War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy
**[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA]
*A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ]
*We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see
**Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ]
*Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight.
**Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ]

[[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]]

===Mar 2026===
*All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait
**IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ]
*How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum
**Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ]
*We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year
**IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ]
*Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people.
**Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ]
*The recent war is between good and evil
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]
*Like thunder we will strike Haifa
**IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ]
* Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure...
** Dana Allin, &quot;US politics and the war against Iran&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ &quot;The US-Israel campaign in Iran&quot;] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org

*This is a war that should end it once and for all.
::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026)

*Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces.
**foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ]

*There is no shelter you can be safe 
**[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text]

*We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender.
**IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ]

*Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price
**Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ]

* Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war.
** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)]

*Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them
::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ]

*From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection.
::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam]

* These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war.
** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&amp;t=600s &quot;The war with Iran: An expert analysis&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel.

* I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war.
** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], &quot;Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''.

* Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

* If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, &quot;Any country with super
* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

*The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ &quot;The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how&quot;] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report

* Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an &quot;imminent threat&quot; ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned?  ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence.
** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, &quot;[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches&quot; (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}''

*  Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]].
** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]],  &quot;Flying blind&quot; (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ &quot;After the strike: The danger of war in Iran&quot;] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]].

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

*It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]].
** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&amp;t=196s 3:16.]

* [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, &quot;Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent.&quot; You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, &quot;We don't think you're telling the truth about this either&quot;? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with.
** [[David Frum]], &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols&quot; The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026)

*&quot;Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran&quot; (Mar 4, 2026)
**&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it.
** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]]
*War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time.
** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]]
*I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us.
** Rep. [[Jason Crow]]

* Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... &quot;This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]].&quot; ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable.
** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel.

*[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons.
**[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html &quot;Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US&quot;]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026)

*[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious...  [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or  ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...&lt;br /&gt;[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing.
** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&amp;t=74s &quot;Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel.

*Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid.
**Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026)

* Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... 
** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability &quot;Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]].

* [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people.
** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, &quot;Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''&quot; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&amp;t=62s 1:02,] 5:08.

* Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! 
** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, &quot;Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates&quot; (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}.

*I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026)

*US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait 
**[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026)

*If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026)

*Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever
**Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026)

*Take Bahrain back! Annex it
**MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026

*I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can.
**Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ]

*Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders.
**[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026)

*The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html &quot;Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026)

*As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed
**Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026)
*Just run!
**IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners
**FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go
**Minister of youth &amp; sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026)
*Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. 
**VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026)
*When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.
**[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 &quot;Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026)
*It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o &quot;Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026)
*Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026)

*[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026)

* Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel.
**Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479]

*We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026)

[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]]
*If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo &quot;Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026)

*In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]].
** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ &quot;How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis&quot;] (21 March 2026)

*No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them.
**Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 &quot;Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it&quot;], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026)

*Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped.
**[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present &quot;Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'&quot;], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026)

*Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself?
**Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning &quot;US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026)

* The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever.
** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks &quot;Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks&quot;], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026)

*This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.
* ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’
**[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 &quot;'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026)

===Apr 2026===
[[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]]
*We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 &quot;Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'&quot;], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html &quot;Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’&quot;], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink.
**[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and &quot;Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026)

*In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption.
**Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters]

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026)

* Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations.
** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire &quot;US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate!
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks &quot;JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 )

*The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet.
**[[JD Vance]]  quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html &quot;Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re going to clean out the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait.
**Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

[[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]]

* In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran.
** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026)

* [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026)

* Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt &quot;Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026)

* We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions.
** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 &quot;Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026)

===May 2026===
*Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 
*Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth]
*Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed
**Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026)
* Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation?
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026)

* Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US &quot;Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026)

* Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. 
** Trump quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t &quot;Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026)

* We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games.
** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026)

* We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat.
** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo &quot;Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable&quot;], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026)

* 1. They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution; 2. No Muslim country came to Iran aid. What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this; 3.Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel); 4. On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you; 5. Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region;  6. Unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone
**letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ]
*If you want Internet, pack and get up, leave your things, go to Afghanistan, live where there is Internet.
**IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p
*Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners.
**[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent]
*God's order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped out. Division causes failure against enemies 
**Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated.
**[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destroyed.
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] (15 May 2026)

*China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire
**Chinese FM Wang in [https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851] (15 May 2026)

*The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way
**[https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi], Iraqchi (15 May 2026)

*We’ve taken out much of what we’d have to do, probably another two weeks, two weeks, maybe three weeks I’m very torn on it, because they lost 42,000 people in the first two weeks. I don’t really want to see that You can’t have an unarmed population against people with AK-47s The Iranian people have to have guns and I think they’re getting some guns.

* As soon as they have guns, they’ll fight like as good as anybody there is.
**President Trump 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~~[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605057012 ]
*They can either agree to a piece of paper that is satisfactory to the United States, or they can face a punishment from our military, the likes of which has not been seen in modern history. That’s the choice that they face
**Miller [https://unb.com.bd/category/World/trump-official-warns-iran-of-unprecedented-military-action-over-deal-holdout/186431 ] 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Our American issue solves when they surely get the powerfulness we have , and they can't do anything against us
**Mohamed Mkokhber[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222394/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D8%AD%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%84-%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%84-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%84-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 ] (22 May 2026)
* Matchmaking booths had been set up at rallies in Tehran, allowing young men and women to register for introductions under what organizers call “easy marriage.
**Fars[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605215847 ]
*It's a possibility Iran we can go around ceasefire 
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222363/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%DA%A9%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B3%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%B2 ] National security Islamic Cunsultative Assembly MP (22 May 2026)
*Trying to prohibit Iranians in LA from bringing the Lion and Sun flag into the stadium is like trying to prevent Americans from bringing the U.S. flag into an American stadium. It would cause mass unrest.

* [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] matches best illustrate the passion Iranian-Americans feel for their homeland and the contempt they feel toward the Iranian government. Waving the Lion and Sun flag is simultaneously a show of support for the national team and a protest against the regime.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7288376/2026/05/19/world-cup-fifa-iran-flag/] ''NYTimes'' (22 May 2026)

* This is not good timing for me, I have a thing called Iran and other things
** Trump quoted in [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605214172#:~:text=US%20President%20Donald%20Trump%20said,called%20Iran%20and%20other%20things.%E2%80%9D ] (22 May 2026)

* I laugh at all of the Dumocrats, RINOS, and Fools who know nothing about the potential deal I am making with Iran, things that haven’t even been negotiated yet.
** Trump quoted in [https://nypost.com/2026/05/25/us-news/president-trump-heralds-memorial-day-by-trashing-dumocrats-rinos-and-fools/ &quot;Trump trashes ‘Dumocrats, RINOS and Fools’ who question his Iran plans in Memorial Day message&quot;] ''NYPost'' (22 May 2026)

*The ayatollah has been replaced by a ‘thugocracy’. 
**Kirk Lippold [https://www.japantimes.co.jp/commentary/2026/06/03/world/instability-powerful-political-instrument/ ][https://www.taipeitimes.com/News/editorials/archives/2026/05/21/2003857691 ][https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394301883112 ]
*You lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers in these various wars. In two wars; Venezuela—where we lost nobody—and here We took over Venezuela. We essentially took over Iran. We have lost so far 13 people. Somebody else would have lost 100,000 people
**[https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-iran-war-soldiers-killed Trump]

* The humiliating defeat of Israel and the United States in their war on Iran, along with the savagery of the ongoing {{w|Gaza genocide|genocide in Gaza}}, are ushering in a new world order. This order is one where voices of reason and stability emanate not from the West — which spent tens of billions of dollars sustaining Israel’s genocide — but from the Global South, including China. It is an order where alliances are being rapidly reconfigured to protect countries from a rogue American state that lashes out like a wounded beast, as it spirals toward terminal decline.
** [[Chris Hedges]], &quot;[https://scheerpost.com/2026/05/29/the-rise-of-the-global-south/ The Rise of the Global South].&quot; Scheerpost (29 May 2026)

===June 2026===
* What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking crazy. You'd be in prison if it weren't for me. I'm saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this.
* I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way have already been turned back.
** [https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-israel-lebanon-call Trump to Bibi Netanyahu][https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-lebanon-israel-bomb-beirut &quot;'You're fucking crazy': Trump fumes at Netanyahu in call on Lebanon&quot;] ''Axios'' (June 1, 2026)

* I don’t care if they’re over, honestly. I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less. If they’re over, they’re over. If they’re not, you know, I think they took too much time. Frankly, I think they started to get a little boring.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted on peace talks in [https://www.jezebel.com/iran-war-donald-trump-boring-bored-quote-ceasefire-negotiations-suspended-israel-lebanon &quot;Uh Oh, Trump Is Bored with Iran Peace Talks. You Know What That Means.&quot;], ''Jezebel'' (June 2, 2026)

*Well, they’ve been largely decapitated. And I call it a military exercise because people would rather have it called that. They put up a blockade and so we blockaded them
*[https://fortune.com/2026/06/07/trump-iran-war-military-exercise-fighting-strait-of-hormuz-no-new-wars-promise/ Trump]
*I said, ‘Bibi, you better be careful, or you will be on your own very soon,
**[https://english.elpais.com/international/2026-06-09/iran-war-drives-a-wedge-between-trump-and-netanyahu.html Trump] (9 June 2026)
*Iran thing it's not a big thing for us
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html?eafs_enabled=false Trump] (3 June 2026)

*We have the highest stock market in history with a military conflict going on, or a war — some people call it war, some people call it a military — it’s not a big thing for us.
**Trump [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html] ''New York Times'' (3 June 2026)

*Communists always do well with the Voters or, as they would say, THE PEOPLE, in the Early Years! But, in the end, the Country, State, or City, GOES TO HELL! Great Violence proceeds at levels never seen before, and the entity dissolves into Poverty, Squalor, and Crime. Remember, breathtaking “Popularity” first, and then, guaranteed DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.ntd.com/trump-decries-communism-says-its-breathtaking-popularity-turns-to-death-destruction-squalor_1150163.html] ''NTD'' (4 June 2026)

* It’s a different part of the world. You know, I’d say in that part of the world, a ceasefire is when you’re shooting in a more moderate manner.
** Trump quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-iran-war-nuclear-deal-f6c5007b28e596e562c88b93ee785d91 &quot;With Trump in a holding pattern on Iran war, allies and critics worry he risks getting boxed in&quot;], ''AP News'' (4 June 2026)

*There is a reason for everything. We hit them pretty hard the night before and actually last night. And when it was explained to me, I said, ‘all right, so we'll do that.’ But we've been hitting them pretty hard.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/trump-iran-war-attacks-kuwait-airport-israel-hezbollah-ceasefire/ Trump] (4 June 2026)

*Yesterday, in a meaningless vote, the House voted, 4 bad Republicans and all of the Dumocrats, to limit my War Powers, right in the middle of my final negotiations to end the War with the Islamic Republic of Iran. Who would do such an unpatriotic thing. They know where the negotiations stand. The Democrats are fueled by Trump Derangement Syndrome. They would rather have our Country fail than give me another, of many, victories. The four Republicans, that’s a whole other story - They’re GRANDSTANDERS! They should be ashamed of themselves. MAGA!!! President DJT
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-trump-ceasefire-kuwait-israel-lebanon-b2989234.html], ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)

*If people are stupid, we’ll end up in something where we have to wipe out an entire infrastructure of a nation
**[https://www.aol.com/articles/trump-dealmaker-chief-reputation-comes-100000144.html Trump] (10 June 2026)

*The Fake News Media refuses to report how EFFECTIVE the U.S. Naval BLOCKADE is, the most successful Blockade in the history of Naval Warfare. NOTHING GETS THROUGH unless we want it to. IT IS A STEEL WALL! Iran is doing ZERO business, not paying their military, or any of their bills, and quickly becoming a FAILED NATION! Lots of oil is getting out. Praise be to Allah! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725591109474316] (10 June 2026)

*Iran’s Military is a complete and total mess. Much of it, like their Navy and Air Force, doesn’t even exist anymore - They have been completely defeated. Iran is all talk and no action. The Bully of the Middle East is DEAD!!! They’ve taken too long to negotiate a deal that would have been great for them, now they will have to pay the price!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725476229257491] (10 June 2026)
*Last month, I directed our Great U.S. Military to execute a secret mission to support Oil Tankers and other Commercial Ships through the Straight of Hormuz. Today, I am pleased to announce that this effort has resulted in more than 100 MILLION Barrels of Oil making its way through the Straight, and into the Open Market. More than 200 Commercial Ships have safely traveled through the Strait. This wildly successful effort is because the UNITED STATES of AMERICA CONTROLS the Strait of Hormuz — NOT Iran. Their military is defeated, and their economy is lost. It’s over for Iran! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP&quot;
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-oil-war-b2993489.html Trump to Iran: I just took your oil] ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)
*The United States will be hitting Iran (Whose Navy, Air Force, Radar, Anti Aircraft, and all other forms of Defense, together with most of its offensive capability, are GONE!), VERY HARD TONIGHT. At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets, much like we have with Venezuela, which is working out brilliantly for both Venezuela and the United States of America. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/116731447139970106

== See also ==
* [[Iran]]
* [[Israel]]
* [[Middle East]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Might makes right]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict]
* [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage]

[[Category:2026]]
[[Category:2020s in Iran]]
[[Category:Wars and battles]]
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      <timestamp>2026-06-11T17:42:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Baratiiman</username>
        <id>842201</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* June 2026 */</comment>
      <origin>3951763</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="97159" sha1="7cd1mcbr57nlyojo03v2emk9wtmnclf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Trump Iran Map.jpg|thumb|United States of Middle East?[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116624042090139559 ]]]
[[File:2026-04-07 Trump – A whole civilization will die tonight 2026-04-07 192815.png|thumb|Based on the fact that discussions with the Islamic Republic of Iran have been brought to the highest level of Iranian leadership and approved, I have, as President of the United States of America, cancelled the scheduled strikes and bombings against Iran this evening. Discussions and final points have been, in both concept and great detail, approved by all parties involved, including the United States, Israel, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Turkey, Pakistan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Jordan, Egypt, and others. The Naval Blockade will remain in full force and effect until this Transaction is finalized — Time and place of the signing to be announced shortly.

DONALD J. TRUMP
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/116732652997120164 ]]][[File:IRGC Seal Chest Badge.svg|thumb|Borderless fighters are overseeing your transit chokepoints. If necessary, others will also come Continue your aggression and they will seize your throat] ~ CmdrGeneralQaani [https://www.tasnimnews.ir/en/news/2026/06/09/3612261/resistance-s-new-security-belt-extends-from-hormuz-to-bab-el-mandeb-irgc-quds-force-chief ]]][[File:Dedication Stone De Becker Memorial Chapel American College.jpg|thumb|We Must Recommit to One Nation Under God.Therefore, we must restore the military draft Being a citizen of the United States gives us unparalleled freedoms and opportunities that are the envy of the world. However, these freedoms that we cherish do not come without a cost [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/celebrity/articles/comedian-rob-schneider-proposes-military-184035757.html?guccounter=1 Schneider]]][[File:Achaemenid cylinder seal showing 2 scenes. An Achaemenid king before 2 sphinxes (below god Ahura Mazda). Supernatural creature fighting 2 ibexes. 6th-4th century BCE. From Hillah, Iraq. British Museum (cropped).jpg|thumb|Straits of Hormuz are named after Ahura Mazda from Zoroastrianism [https://nitter.poast.org/elonmusk/status/2063866701356089711#m Musk]]][[File:Imam Khamenei with his son, Ayatollah Sayyid Mojtaba Khamenei.jpg|thumb|Younger. I think more rational. Wounded. He is quite seriously wounded. There is a certain bravery in that ~[https://news.am/en/news/1041776 Trump]]][[File:Abdul_Rahman_Mosque_in_March_2010.jpg|thumb|There is women with manteaus being thrown out of mosques but they are now the ones waving flag [https://www.tabnak.ir/fa/news/1375015/%D9%BE%D8%B2%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%AF-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%85%E2%80%8C%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C%E2%80%8C%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF Pezeshkia]]][[File:Comintern Logo.svg|thumb|Cuba has collapsed. We will handle that as soon as we take care of the Islamic Republic of IranWe will take good care of them. We will let them go back to their land, invest in Cuba, and be with their families. We have very good plan… then on our way back, we’ll make a little brief stop These are unbelievable people. Energetic. Entrepreneurial. Some of the richest people in Miami are Cuban[https://en.cibercuba.com/noticias/2026-06-05-u1-e199894-s27061-nid331291-trump-asegura-cubanos-quieren-presencia-estados Trump]]]
[[File:Abbas Araghchi in a interview with khamenei.ir (cropped 2).jpg|thumb|The building where we were sitting was targeted, but the wing we were in remained intact , After returning from the Geneva negotiations on Friday, I went to his office at 9 a.m. on Saturday to present my report, My report was about the negotiations and the atmosphere that emerged on Friday, which made the possibility of war much greater, When I got out from under the rubble, I was only thinking about whether he had been the target of the strike or not ~Iraqchi[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202606047013 ]]][[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|If Iran surrenders, admits their Navy is gone and resting at the bottom of the sea, and their Air Force is no longer with us, and if their entire Military walks out of Tehran, weapons dropped and hands held high, each shouting “I surrender, I surrender” while wildly waving the representative White Flag, and if their entire remaining Leadership signs all necessary “Documents of Surrender,” and admit their defeat to the great power and force of the magnificent U.S.A., The Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media, will headline that Iran had a Masterful and Brilliant Victory over The United States of America, it wasn’t even close ~ Trump[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605262547 ]]][[File:Official portrait of Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (borderless) (cropped).jpg|thumb|We have seized about a billion dollars of their crypto, Just outright grabbed the wallets. I think between five and a half-six weeks of an incredibly successful military campaign and then Operation Economic Fury, where we have really cut them off … they are at the end of their tether now financially. We didn't have regime change but we changed the regime, on one side, we have a theocracy with the clerics. On the other side, we have a thug autocracy with the IRGC. And you've got to convince both sides.[https://www.foxbusiness.com/media/scott-bessent-says-us-seized-roughly-1b-iranian-crypto-regime-nears-end-tether  ~Bessent]]][[File:Official portrait of Secretary Marco Rubio (cropped)(2).jpg|thumb|One of the things you'll find pretty consistently in every totalitarian system is that they want to control the ability of their citizens to communicate with one another ~Rubio [https://x.com/StateDept/status/2062260777348718963 ]]]
[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Blockade Plus : Sustain the blockade and accompanying economic warfare to destabilize the regime’s hold on the state; remake the world in America’s energy dominance image to mitigate long-term price impacts while undermining China’s global ambition to defeat the United States; and order the US military to forge a path through the Strait of Hormuz to restore freedom of navigation [https://nypost.com/2026/05/01/opinion/heres-how-to-crush-tehran-in-three-moves/ ]]]

[[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]]

[[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]]
[[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: &quot;I think the war is very complete, pretty much&quot; (Mar 9th)]]
[[File:Shajareh_Tayyebeh_school_in_Minab_photos_from_Mehr_(12).jpg|thumb|The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, {{w|2026 Minab school attack|a few weeks ago}}, you bomb the schools, you bomb the hospitals. - [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]] [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/] ]]

On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]].

The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran.

In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]].
[[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]]

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Please add quotes in chronological order&lt;/small&gt;
===Feb 2026===
* Will someone please tell [[Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] that Iran has killed at least 42,000 innocent, completely unarmed, protesters in the last two months?
**[https://www.wsj.com/livecoverage/iran-us-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-updates/card/trump-criticizing-pope-says-iran-killed-at-least-42-000-protesters-gtRzVnxAMEMeQ8b5ygR2 Trump]
*I guess the worst case would be five years we do this and somebody takes over who's as bad as the previous person,
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/03/us/politics/trump-iran-leaders.html Trump]
*We have lost our great leader, and we deeply mourn him. We'll severely punish the perpetrators. , with an exceptionally severe, decisive, and painful punishment. We'll resolutely confront domestic and foreign conspiracies and punish the aggressors.
**[https://baike.baidu.com/en/item/Grand%20Ayatollah%20Seyyed%20Ali%20Khamenei/1512308#4-5:~:text=On-,February%2028%2C%202026,-%2C%20local%20time%2C%20Iranian IRGC]15:27, 28 Febr 2026 (UTC)~
*Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your  government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for
**Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..]
*firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves.
**Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ]
*There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians.
**IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ]
*400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system
**Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ]
*Russia and China will win the war not just Iran
**IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ]
*We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves
**IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ]
*If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij.
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ]
* I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal.
** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, &quot;Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'&quot; (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&amp;t=38s A Youtube video source.]

*Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare]
*The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare]
*To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare]
*War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy
**[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA]
*A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ]
*We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see
**Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ]
*Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight.
**Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ]

[[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]]

===Mar 2026===
*All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait
**IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ]
*How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum
**Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ]
*We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year
**IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ]
*Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people.
**Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ]
*The recent war is between good and evil
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]
*Like thunder we will strike Haifa
**IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ]
* Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure...
** Dana Allin, &quot;US politics and the war against Iran&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ &quot;The US-Israel campaign in Iran&quot;] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org

*This is a war that should end it once and for all.
::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026)

*Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces.
**foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ]

*There is no shelter you can be safe 
**[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text]

*We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender.
**IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ]

*Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price
**Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ]

* Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war.
** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)]

*Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them
::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ]

*From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection.
::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam]

* These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war.
** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&amp;t=600s &quot;The war with Iran: An expert analysis&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel.

* I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war.
** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], &quot;Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''.

* Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

* If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, &quot;Any country with super
* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

*The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ &quot;The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how&quot;] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report

* Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an &quot;imminent threat&quot; ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned?  ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence.
** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, &quot;[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches&quot; (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}''

*  Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]].
** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]],  &quot;Flying blind&quot; (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ &quot;After the strike: The danger of war in Iran&quot;] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]].

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

*It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]].
** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&amp;t=196s 3:16.]

* [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, &quot;Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent.&quot; You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, &quot;We don't think you're telling the truth about this either&quot;? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with.
** [[David Frum]], &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols&quot; The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026)

*&quot;Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran&quot; (Mar 4, 2026)
**&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it.
** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]]
*War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time.
** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]]
*I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us.
** Rep. [[Jason Crow]]

* Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... &quot;This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]].&quot; ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable.
** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel.

*[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons.
**[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html &quot;Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US&quot;]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026)

*[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious...  [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or  ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...&lt;br /&gt;[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing.
** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&amp;t=74s &quot;Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel.

*Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid.
**Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026)

* Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... 
** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability &quot;Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]].

* [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people.
** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, &quot;Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''&quot; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&amp;t=62s 1:02,] 5:08.

* Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! 
** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, &quot;Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates&quot; (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}.

*I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026)

*US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait 
**[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026)

*If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026)

*Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever
**Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026)

*Take Bahrain back! Annex it
**MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026

*I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can.
**Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ]

*Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders.
**[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026)

*The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html &quot;Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026)

*As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed
**Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026)
*Just run!
**IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners
**FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go
**Minister of youth &amp; sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026)
*Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. 
**VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026)
*When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.
**[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 &quot;Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026)
*It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o &quot;Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026)
*Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026)

*[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026)

* Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel.
**Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479]

*We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026)

[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]]
*If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo &quot;Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026)

*In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]].
** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ &quot;How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis&quot;] (21 March 2026)

*No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them.
**Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 &quot;Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it&quot;], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026)

*Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped.
**[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present &quot;Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'&quot;], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026)

*Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself?
**Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning &quot;US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026)

* The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever.
** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks &quot;Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks&quot;], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026)

*This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.
* ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’
**[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 &quot;'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026)

===Apr 2026===
[[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]]
*We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 &quot;Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'&quot;], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html &quot;Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’&quot;], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink.
**[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and &quot;Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026)

*In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption.
**Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters]

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026)

* Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations.
** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire &quot;US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate!
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks &quot;JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 )

*The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet.
**[[JD Vance]]  quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html &quot;Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re going to clean out the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait.
**Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

[[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]]

* In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran.
** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026)

* [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026)

* Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt &quot;Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026)

* We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions.
** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 &quot;Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026)

===May 2026===
*Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 
*Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth]
*Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed
**Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026)
* Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation?
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026)

* Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US &quot;Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026)

* Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. 
** Trump quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t &quot;Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026)

* We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games.
** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026)

* We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat.
** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo &quot;Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable&quot;], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026)

* 1. They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution; 2. No Muslim country came to Iran aid. What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this; 3.Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel); 4. On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you; 5. Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region;  6. Unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone
**letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ]
*If you want Internet, pack and get up, leave your things, go to Afghanistan, live where there is Internet.
**IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p
*Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners.
**[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent]
*God's order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped out. Division causes failure against enemies 
**Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated.
**[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destroyed.
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] (15 May 2026)

*China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire
**Chinese FM Wang in [https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851] (15 May 2026)

*The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way
**[https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi], Iraqchi (15 May 2026)

*We’ve taken out much of what we’d have to do, probably another two weeks, two weeks, maybe three weeks I’m very torn on it, because they lost 42,000 people in the first two weeks. I don’t really want to see that You can’t have an unarmed population against people with AK-47s The Iranian people have to have guns and I think they’re getting some guns.

* As soon as they have guns, they’ll fight like as good as anybody there is.
**President Trump 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~~[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605057012 ]
*They can either agree to a piece of paper that is satisfactory to the United States, or they can face a punishment from our military, the likes of which has not been seen in modern history. That’s the choice that they face
**Miller [https://unb.com.bd/category/World/trump-official-warns-iran-of-unprecedented-military-action-over-deal-holdout/186431 ] 07:48, 22 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Our American issue solves when they surely get the powerfulness we have , and they can't do anything against us
**Mohamed Mkokhber[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222394/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D8%AD%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%84-%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%84-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%84-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 ] (22 May 2026)
* Matchmaking booths had been set up at rallies in Tehran, allowing young men and women to register for introductions under what organizers call “easy marriage.
**Fars[https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605215847 ]
*It's a possibility Iran we can go around ceasefire 
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2222363/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%DA%A9%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B3%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%A7%D8%B2 ] National security Islamic Cunsultative Assembly MP (22 May 2026)
*Trying to prohibit Iranians in LA from bringing the Lion and Sun flag into the stadium is like trying to prevent Americans from bringing the U.S. flag into an American stadium. It would cause mass unrest.

* [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] matches best illustrate the passion Iranian-Americans feel for their homeland and the contempt they feel toward the Iranian government. Waving the Lion and Sun flag is simultaneously a show of support for the national team and a protest against the regime.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7288376/2026/05/19/world-cup-fifa-iran-flag/] ''NYTimes'' (22 May 2026)

* This is not good timing for me, I have a thing called Iran and other things
** Trump quoted in [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202605214172#:~:text=US%20President%20Donald%20Trump%20said,called%20Iran%20and%20other%20things.%E2%80%9D ] (22 May 2026)

* I laugh at all of the Dumocrats, RINOS, and Fools who know nothing about the potential deal I am making with Iran, things that haven’t even been negotiated yet.
** Trump quoted in [https://nypost.com/2026/05/25/us-news/president-trump-heralds-memorial-day-by-trashing-dumocrats-rinos-and-fools/ &quot;Trump trashes ‘Dumocrats, RINOS and Fools’ who question his Iran plans in Memorial Day message&quot;] ''NYPost'' (22 May 2026)

*The ayatollah has been replaced by a ‘thugocracy’. 
**Kirk Lippold [https://www.japantimes.co.jp/commentary/2026/06/03/world/instability-powerful-political-instrument/ ][https://www.taipeitimes.com/News/editorials/archives/2026/05/21/2003857691 ][https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394301883112 ]
*You lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers in these various wars. In two wars; Venezuela—where we lost nobody—and here We took over Venezuela. We essentially took over Iran. We have lost so far 13 people. Somebody else would have lost 100,000 people
**[https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-iran-war-soldiers-killed Trump]

* The humiliating defeat of Israel and the United States in their war on Iran, along with the savagery of the ongoing {{w|Gaza genocide|genocide in Gaza}}, are ushering in a new world order. This order is one where voices of reason and stability emanate not from the West — which spent tens of billions of dollars sustaining Israel’s genocide — but from the Global South, including China. It is an order where alliances are being rapidly reconfigured to protect countries from a rogue American state that lashes out like a wounded beast, as it spirals toward terminal decline.
** [[Chris Hedges]], &quot;[https://scheerpost.com/2026/05/29/the-rise-of-the-global-south/ The Rise of the Global South].&quot; Scheerpost (29 May 2026)

===June 2026===
* What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking crazy. You'd be in prison if it weren't for me. I'm saving your ass. Everybody hates you now. Everybody hates Israel because of this.
* I had a very productive call with Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu of Israel, and there will be no Troops going to Beirut, and any Troops that are on their way have already been turned back.
** [https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-israel-lebanon-call Trump to Bibi Netanyahu][https://www.axios.com/2026/06/01/trump-netanyahu-lebanon-israel-bomb-beirut &quot;'You're fucking crazy': Trump fumes at Netanyahu in call on Lebanon&quot;] ''Axios'' (June 1, 2026)

* I don’t care if they’re over, honestly. I really don’t care. I couldn’t care less. If they’re over, they’re over. If they’re not, you know, I think they took too much time. Frankly, I think they started to get a little boring.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted on peace talks in [https://www.jezebel.com/iran-war-donald-trump-boring-bored-quote-ceasefire-negotiations-suspended-israel-lebanon &quot;Uh Oh, Trump Is Bored with Iran Peace Talks. You Know What That Means.&quot;], ''Jezebel'' (June 2, 2026)

*Well, they’ve been largely decapitated. And I call it a military exercise because people would rather have it called that. They put up a blockade and so we blockaded them
*[https://fortune.com/2026/06/07/trump-iran-war-military-exercise-fighting-strait-of-hormuz-no-new-wars-promise/ Trump]
*I said, ‘Bibi, you better be careful, or you will be on your own very soon,
**[https://english.elpais.com/international/2026-06-09/iran-war-drives-a-wedge-between-trump-and-netanyahu.html Trump] (9 June 2026)
*Iran thing it's not a big thing for us
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html?eafs_enabled=false Trump] (3 June 2026)

*We have the highest stock market in history with a military conflict going on, or a war — some people call it war, some people call it a military — it’s not a big thing for us.
**Trump [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/world/middleeast/trump-iran-war-remarks.html] ''New York Times'' (3 June 2026)

*Communists always do well with the Voters or, as they would say, THE PEOPLE, in the Early Years! But, in the end, the Country, State, or City, GOES TO HELL! Great Violence proceeds at levels never seen before, and the entity dissolves into Poverty, Squalor, and Crime. Remember, breathtaking “Popularity” first, and then, guaranteed DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.ntd.com/trump-decries-communism-says-its-breathtaking-popularity-turns-to-death-destruction-squalor_1150163.html] ''NTD'' (4 June 2026)

* It’s a different part of the world. You know, I’d say in that part of the world, a ceasefire is when you’re shooting in a more moderate manner.
** Trump quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-iran-war-nuclear-deal-f6c5007b28e596e562c88b93ee785d91 &quot;With Trump in a holding pattern on Iran war, allies and critics worry he risks getting boxed in&quot;], ''AP News'' (4 June 2026)

*There is a reason for everything. We hit them pretty hard the night before and actually last night. And when it was explained to me, I said, ‘all right, so we'll do that.’ But we've been hitting them pretty hard.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/trump-iran-war-attacks-kuwait-airport-israel-hezbollah-ceasefire/ Trump] (4 June 2026)

*Yesterday, in a meaningless vote, the House voted, 4 bad Republicans and all of the Dumocrats, to limit my War Powers, right in the middle of my final negotiations to end the War with the Islamic Republic of Iran. Who would do such an unpatriotic thing. They know where the negotiations stand. The Democrats are fueled by Trump Derangement Syndrome. They would rather have our Country fail than give me another, of many, victories. The four Republicans, that’s a whole other story - They’re GRANDSTANDERS! They should be ashamed of themselves. MAGA!!! President DJT
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-trump-ceasefire-kuwait-israel-lebanon-b2989234.html], ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)

*If people are stupid, we’ll end up in something where we have to wipe out an entire infrastructure of a nation
**[https://www.aol.com/articles/trump-dealmaker-chief-reputation-comes-100000144.html Trump] (10 June 2026)

*The Fake News Media refuses to report how EFFECTIVE the U.S. Naval BLOCKADE is, the most successful Blockade in the history of Naval Warfare. NOTHING GETS THROUGH unless we want it to. IT IS A STEEL WALL! Iran is doing ZERO business, not paying their military, or any of their bills, and quickly becoming a FAILED NATION! Lots of oil is getting out. Praise be to Allah! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725591109474316] (10 June 2026)

*Iran’s Military is a complete and total mess. Much of it, like their Navy and Air Force, doesn’t even exist anymore - They have been completely defeated. Iran is all talk and no action. The Bully of the Middle East is DEAD!!! They’ve taken too long to negotiate a deal that would have been great for them, now they will have to pay the price!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116725476229257491] (10 June 2026)
*Last month, I directed our Great U.S. Military to execute a secret mission to support Oil Tankers and other Commercial Ships through the Straight of Hormuz. Today, I am pleased to announce that this effort has resulted in more than 100 MILLION Barrels of Oil making its way through the Straight, and into the Open Market. More than 200 Commercial Ships have safely traveled through the Strait. This wildly successful effort is because the UNITED STATES of AMERICA CONTROLS the Strait of Hormuz — NOT Iran. Their military is defeated, and their economy is lost. It’s over for Iran! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP&quot;
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-oil-war-b2993489.html Trump to Iran: I just took your oil] ''Independent'' (10 June 2026)
*The United States will be hitting Iran (Whose Navy, Air Force, Radar, Anti Aircraft, and all other forms of Defense, together with most of its offensive capability, are GONE!), VERY HARD TONIGHT. At some point in the not too distant future, we will be taking Kharg Island, and other oil infrastructure points, and assume total control of their Oil and Gas Markets, much like we have with Venezuela, which is working out brilliantly for both Venezuela and the United States of America. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/116731447139970106
*The Iranian regime will lose the zero-sum game it is playing.

Any damage it inflicts on our allies in the Gulf will be paid for with funds extracted from Iranian Accounts.

Any tolls paid to the Persian Gulf Strait Authority will be offset by funds extracted from their accounts.

Every attack Iran launches will only deepen the economic and financial consequences it faces
**[https://nitter.poast.org/Osint613/status/2065076195729793113#m Bessent]

== See also ==
* [[Iran]]
* [[Israel]]
* [[Middle East]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Might makes right]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict]
* [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage]

[[Category:2026]]
[[Category:2020s in Iran]]
[[Category:Wars and battles]]
[[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]]</text>
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      <text bytes="5868" sha1="sei2mlb57cctuhfdsx5pdwl5c7suzsw" xml:space="preserve">I am taking on a personal challenge to create at least one article every day for 100 days. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:48, 7 March 2026 (UTC)

# [[Margaret Qualley]], American actress. 7 March 2026
# [[Sabrina Carpenter]], American singer, songwriter, and actress. 8 March 2026
# [[Materialists (film)|''Materialists'' (film)]], 2025 film by [[Celine Song]]. 9 March 2026
# ''[[We Live in Time]]'', 2024 film by John Crowley. 10 March 2026
# ''[[Cha Cha Real Smooth]]'', 2022 film by Cooper Raiff. 11 March 2026
# [[Balen Shah]], Nepalese rapper and politician. 12 March 2026
# [[Sydney Sweeney]], American actress. 13 March 2026
# [[Eternity (2025 film)|''Eternity'' (2025 film)]], 2025 film by David Freyne. 14 March 2026
# [[Alia Bhatt]], British actress. 15 March 2026
# ''[[Uncut Gems]]'', 2019 film by the Safdie brothers. 16 March 2026
# [[Ejae]], South Korean and American singer and songwriter. 17 March 2026
# [[Gracie Abrams]], American singer and songwriter. 18 March 2026
# [[Sara Arjun]], Indian actress.  19 March 2026
# [[Maya Hawke]], American actress and singer-songwriter. 20 March 2026
# [[Tate McRae]], Canadian singer, songwriter, and dancer. 21 March 2026
# [[Dakota Johnson]], American actress. 22 March 2026
# [[August Ames]], Canadian pornographic actress. 23 March 2026
# [[Amy Adams]], American actress. 24 March 2026
# [[Alexandra Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 25 March 2026
# [[Andrea Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 26 March 2026
# [[Rachel Zegler]], American actress and singer. 27 March 2026
# [[Amybeth McNulty]], Irish and Canadian actress. 28 March 2026
# [[Robert Pattinson]], English actor. 29 March 2026
# [[Emily Willis]], American pornographic actress. 30 March 2026
# [[Sofia Carson]], American actress and singer. 31 March 2026
# [[Lola Tung]], American actress. 1 April 2026
# [[Charli XCX]], British singer. 2 April 2026
# [[Yami Gautam]], Indian actress. 3 April 2026
# [[Lily James]], English actress. 4 April 2026
# [[Maude Apatow]], American actress. 5 April 2026
# [[Pokimane]], Moroccan and Canadian streamer and YouTuber. 6 April 2026
# [[MrBeast]], American YouTuber. 7 April 2026
# [[Sophia Lillis]], American actress. 8 April 2026
# [[Cailee Spaeny]], American actress. 9 April 2026
# [[Milly Alcock]], Australian actress. 10 April 2026
# [[Alexa Demie]], American actress. 11 April 2026
# [[Austin Butler]], American actor. 12 April 2026
# [[Rosé (singer)|Rosé]], New Zealand and South Korean singer. 13 April 2026
# [[Barry Keoghan]], Irish actor. 14 April 2026
# [[Jessie Buckley]], Irish actress and singer. 15 April 2026
# [[Úrsula Corberó]], Spanish actress. 16 April 2026
# [[Nischal Basnet]], Nepalese film director and actor. 17 April 2026
# [[Ram Charan]], Indian actor. 18 April 2026
# [[Farhan Akhtar]], Indian actor, filmmaker and singer. 19 April 2026
# [[Sajal Aly]], Pakistani actress. 20 April 2026
# [[Kajal Aggarwal]], Indian actress. 21 April 2026
# [[Zac Efron]], American actor. 22 April 2026
# [[Sara Ali Khan]], Indian actress. 23 April 2026
# [[Katrina Kaif]], British actress. 24 April 2026
# [[Vikram (actor)|Vikram]], Indian actor. 25 April 2026
# [[Nicole Wallace]], Spanish actress. 26 April 2026
# [[Aneet Padda]], Indian actress. 27 April 2026
# [[Michael (2026 film)|''Michael'' (2026 film)]], 2026 American film directed by Antoine Fuqua. 28 April 2026
# [[Ryan Gosling]], Canadian actor. 29 April 2026
# [[Diljit Dosanjh]], Indian singer and actor. 30 April 2026
# [[John Abraham]], Indian actor and film producer. 1 May 2026
# [[Suriya]], Indian actor and film producer. 2 May 2026
# [[Rashmika Mandanna]], Indian actress. 3 May 2026
# [[Trisha Krishnan]], Indian actress. 4 May 2026
# [[Henry Cavill]], British actor. 5 May 2026
# [[Bhavitha Mandava]], Indian model. 6 May 2026
# [[Vicky Kaushal]], Indian actor. 7 May 2026
# [[Allu Arjun]], Indian actor. 8 May 2026
# [[Iqra Aziz]], Pakistani actress. 9 May 2026
# [[Keerthy Suresh]], Indian actress. 10 May 2026
# [[Chloë Grace Moretz]], American actress. 11 May 2026
# [[Parineeti Chopra]], Indian actress. 12 May 2026
# [[Saoirse Ronan]], American-born Irish actress. 13 May 2026
# [[Olivia Cooke]], British actress. 14 May 2026
# [[Mrunal Thakur]], Indian actress. 15 May 2026
# [[Hunter Schafer]], American actress and model. 16 May 2026
# [[Nayanthara]], Indian actress and film producer. 17 May 2026
# [[Madison Beer]], American singer. 18 May 2026
# [[Doja Cat]], American rapper. 19 May 2026
# [[Camila Cabello]], American singer-songwriter. 20 May 2026
# [[SZA]], American singer-songwriter. 21 May 2026
# [[Bruno Mars]], American singer-songwriter. 22 May 2026
# [[Tove Lo]], Swedish singer-songwriter. 23 May 2026
# [[Ava Max]], American singer and songwriter. 24 May 2026
# [[Conan Gray]], American singer-songwriter. 25 May 2026
# [[Ananya Panday]], Indian actress. 26 May 2026
# [[Bebe Rexha]], American singer-songwriter. 27 May 2026
# [[Olivia Dean]], English singer and songwriter. 28 May 2026
# [[Jisoo]], South Korean singer and actress. 29 May 2026
# [[Lisa (rapper)|Lisa]], Thai rapper and singer. 30 May 2026
# [[Jennie (singer)|Jennie]], South Korean singer. 31 May 2026
# [[Vanessa Kirby]], English actress. 1 June 2026
# [[Monica Barbaro]], American actress. 2 June 2026
# [[Sanya Malhotra]], Indian actress. 3 June 2026
# [[Inde Navarrette]], American actress. 4 June 2026
# [[Janhvi Kapoor]], Indian actress. 5 June 2026
# [[Ella Bright]], British and American actress. 6 June 2026
# [[Halsey (singer)|Halsey]], American singer-songwriter. 7 June 2026
# [[Chase Infiniti]], American actress. 8 June 2026
# [[Shawn Levy]], Canadian-American filmmaker and actor. 9 June 2026
# [[Elle Fanning]], American actress. 10 June 2026
# [[Daisy Edgar-Jones]], British actress. 11 June 2026
# [[Nora Fatehi]], Canadian singer, dancer and actress. 12 June 2026</text>
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      <minor />
      <comment>new key for [[Category:Horror films]]: &quot; &quot; using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="67" sha1="a5ouc9ez9ouf43d63x7wmzbbfag1vxl" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:Horror films| ]]
[[Category:Films by genre and country]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Inejirō Asanuma</title>
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      <comment>/* 1953 */</comment>
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      <text bytes="38690" sha1="op4w2fuzxvzw9ixpd58bhwb88zqouqr" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Inejiro Asanuma Salvaged (cropped).jpg|thumb|I went to prison only twice: once when I was thrown into Ichigaya Prison during the Great Earthquake, and once during the Ashio Incident.On the other hand, the number of times I was thrown into the police detention cell is too many to count. If I refused to obey an order to stop a speech meeting, I would be taken away. If I participated in a demonstration during a labor dispute, I would be detained. These days, when I travel to the countryside, I sometimes meet former police officers who used to detain me. They say things like, 'I used to arrest you all the time back in the day, but nowadays I think the Socialist Party is the best. I'm a Socialist Party fan now.']]
[[wikipedia:Inejirō_Asanuma|'''Inejirō''' '''Asanuma''']] ([[December 27|27 December]] [[1898]] – [[October 12|12 October]] [[1960]]) was a [[Japan|Japanese]] politician and chairman of the Japan Socialist Party. He was assassinated on live television during a political debate on 12 October 1960, by 17-year-old ultranationalist Otoya Yamaguchi.

== Quotes ==

=== 1945 ===

* Now, let us perform remote worship toward the Imperial Palace.
** [https://ir.kagoshima-u.ac.jp/record/15971/files/06_miyashita_08_02_2022.pdf At the founding convention of the Japan Socialist Party (2 November 1945)], serving as Organization Minister. Asanuma opened the proceedings with this call, urging the audience to stand and bow toward the Imperial Palace. More than half of the participants joined him, though some jeered in protest.

=== 1947 ===

* Even if the electoral districts are small and the number of winners are limited, if a party gathers a large number of votes nationwide, it should naturally be able to participate in politics through that support. Therefore, a system that respects political parties must emerge. That is why adopting a policy of carving up the electoral districts into tiny pieces is clearly an act of repression against smaller parties. And if it is repression, '''the end result will be the obstruction of Japanese democracy.''' This is a point that we simply cannot accept.
** [https://teikokugikai-i.ndl.go.jp/#/detail?minId=009213242X03119470330&amp;spkNum=65&amp;current=3 Speech in the 92nd Imperial Diet, 30 March 1947]

=== 1950 ===

* I entered Waseda in September of Taishō 6 (or 7), the year of the school disturbances when professors like Nagai Ryūtarō and Ōyama Ikuo resigned. I was drawn to Waseda because it was founded by Marquis Ōkuma Shigenobu as a free academy aiming for the '''independence of learning and freedom of research''' in opposition to the bureaucratic military clique of the time.
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/51166_41910.html Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)]

* From the standpoint of students, we began researching '''democracy and socialism''', but influenced by external socialist and labor movements, two currents emerged among the students: those pursuing it '''ideologically''' and those focusing on '''practical action'''.
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

* Five or six thousand students gathered in front of the statue of Marquis Ōkuma. [...] It ended in a great student brawl, with people like Tokano Takeshi falling from the top of the Ōkuma statue and being injured. Since the day happened to be a Friday, we students called it ''''Bloody Friday''''&lt;nowiki/&gt; and greatly raised our spirits.
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950) (recounting the violent clash over the military research group at Waseda)
*After that, there was ongoing confrontation between the Cultural Alliance and the vertically and horizontally aligned club [Yoko-Ou Club], a group of right-leaning students who were the main perpetrators of the violence. '''We were in a state where it was dangerous to walk around in ordinary student attire''' '''because we would be beaten if caught.''' We tried our best to avoid clashes, but about four or five days or a week after the brawl, while walking behind the school, I finally ran into members of the Yoko-Ou Club. 'Come with us for a moment,' they said, and I was taken to their club office. A large group of judo club members surrounded me and said, 'You were incited by socialists to hold that meeting, weren't you? That's outrageous—'''write an apology letter.'''&lt;nowiki/&gt;' '''I replied, 'I wasn't incited by any socialists. As a Waseda student, I acted from a pure standpoint, driven by student passion to protect the founding spirit of Waseda—which Marquis Ōkuma Shigenobu established as a free academy in opposition to the bureaucratic military clique—for the independence of learning and freedom of research. So I cannot write one.'''' '''After that, they beat and kicked me, and I fell into a near-death state.''' But in the end, without writing the apology letter, I endured until morning and finally made it to a friend's house '''with a face covered in lumps, limping.'''
**Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950) (recounting being ambushed and severely beaten by right-wing students a few days after the Bloody Friday rally against the Waseda Military Research Group)
*I went to prison only twice: once when I was thrown into Ichigaya Prison during the Great Earthquake, and once during the Ashio Incident.On the other hand, the number of times I was thrown into the police detention cell is too many to count. If I refused to obey an order to stop a speech meeting, I would be taken away. If I participated in a demonstration during a labor dispute, I would be detained. These days, when I travel to the countryside, I sometimes meet former police officers who used to detain me. They say things like, 'I used to arrest you all the time back in the day, but nowadays I think the Socialist Party is the best. I'm a Socialist Party fan now.'
**Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

* '''America also has people who have come to terms with the war and those who have not. The same can be said of Japan. Those who have come to terms with the war welcomed us very warmly and have come to understand Japan very well.'''
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950) (reflections after a visit to the United States as part of a parliamentary delegation)

* I have lived for twenty years in a small apartment in Fukagawa consisting of three rooms: a six-mat room, a four-and-a-half-mat room, and a three-mat room. It is cramped, and I receive many visitors, so I cannot rest properly. Sometimes I think about moving, but after living in one place for so long, I cannot bring myself to decide to leave. The neighbors tell me not to go, and I myself, even though things have improved a little, do not feel like leaving this apartment. Moreover, I serve as the head of the local cooperative here. '''The cooperative runs the bathhouse, fish shop, and vegetable shop, so I am, so to speak, the fishmonger boss, the greengrocer boss, and the bathhouse boss'''. This makes me even closer to everyone in the neighborhood, and because of these human ties, I find it hard to move.
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

[[File:Asanuma-Inejiro 1948.jpg|thumb|People often call me 'Maa-Maa Koji'''&lt;nowiki/&gt;'&lt;nowiki/&gt;''' or say I am indecisive, timid, passive, etc. But in a mass organization, once a policy is decided at a congress, if everyone abides by it, there will be neither conflict nor split.]]
* People often call me ''''Maa-Maa Koji''''&lt;nowiki/&gt; or say I am indecisive, timid, passive, etc. But in a mass organization, once a policy is decided at a congress, if everyone abides by it, there will be '''neither conflict nor split.'''
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

* No matter how many different arguments may arise, I think it is fine to bring things together where they need to be brought together. In a mass organization like the Socialist Party, there should be someone who can be called '''a unifier.'''
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

* As I said during the recent party self-criticism, everyone must adopt the attitude of being a pure Socialist Party member — that is, ''''I am a Socialist Party member. Neither right nor left, just a Socialist Party member.''''&lt;nowiki/&gt;
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

* The Socialist Party is a mass party, so when discussing things, it is natural that there will sometimes be left-leaning arguments and right-leaning arguments. What we must guard against is fixing ''''left''''&lt;nowiki/&gt; and ''''right''''&lt;nowiki/&gt; and turning them into '''factions'''.
** Maa-Maa Koji's Discourse: The Path I Have Walked (1950)

=== 1953 ===

* Since graduating from Waseda, for over thirty years I have devoted myself to social movements, sacrificing myself to serve the masses, and have done what little I can, believing it to be my historical mission to fight for the realization of socialism [..] This inevitably means sacrificing family life. [...] From a human perspective, social activism can sometimes seem cruel. I sometimes think: '''what is social activism without the liberation and establishment of family life?'''
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/60188_76403.html ''A Day for Taking Rest'', 15 February 1953]

* The Yoshida Cabinet has driven post-independence Japanese politics into confusion and wandering. The people, having won independence six years after the end of the war, have regained the national awareness that was lost under occupation and are burning with enthusiasm to rebuild as a democratic nation. Yet the Yoshida Cabinet fails entirely to respond to this passion of the people. Instead, it blindly follows America in foreign policy while racing full speed ahead on a reactionary and reverse course in domestic policy. '''This is raising the specter of fascist reactionary politics''' that drives progressive citizens to despair, while on the other hand giving the Communist Party room to run wild, '''opening the path to totalitarianism of both the left and right, and placing the homeland and democracy in crisis.'''
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/51165_41909.html Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953]

* '''We must recognize that if a nation’s security is guaranteed by another country’s military for a long period, independence will turn into subordination.'''
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* The fact that Japanese courts have no jurisdiction over those residing in Japan [U.S. forces and dependents] constitutes a form of extraterritoriality, and '''cannot be called complete independence.'''
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* '''Moreover, when we look at the territorial issue: while it may be unavoidable that territories acquired by Japan during its period of expansion are returned to their respective countries, we have lost sovereignty over South Sakhalin and the Kuril Islands.''' The Habomai and Shikotan Islands, which administratively belong to Hokkaido, '''are occupied by the Soviet Union.''' Amami Ōshima, the Okinawa islands, the Ogasawara Islands, Iwo Jima, and others '''remain under continued special military occupation,''' with '''over a million compatriots living outside Japanese administration.''' '''This must truly be called a national tragedy.''' Moreover, these compatriots fervently desire '''an early return to Japan.'''
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* Japan must develop an independent foreign policy based on the great principle of never intervening in war, aiming to become a bridge for peace connecting free Asia with the West.
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* '''There can be no national independence without economic self-reliance.'''
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* The Yoshida Cabinet’s agricultural policy suppresses rice prices through controls while selling fertilizer freely—selling expensive fertilizer to Japanese farmers, buying rice cheaply from them, and importing expensive rice while selling cheap fertilizer abroad. One wonders for whose sake this agricultural policy exists.
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

* A Prime Minister who arbitrarily interprets the Constitution and ignores its provisions '''is behaving like a despot.'''
** Speech supporting the no-confidence motion against the Yoshida Cabinet, 14 March 1953

=== 1956 ===
[[File:浅沼稲次郎（早大時代）.jpg|thumb|On the one hand, while engaging in such student activism, I also rowed boats, wrestled sumo, and was active as a member of athletic clubs. In the inter-department boat races, I competed as a representative of the Political Economy Department and won. Still in my rowing outfit right after the boat race, I met Marquis Ōkuma. He patted my body and said, 'What a fine physique you have.' That impression remains with me even now.]]
* '''When people ask about my ancestors, I reply, ‘Most likely descendants of exiles.’''' [...] Among these exiled notables, the greatest hero is undoubtedly '''Minamoto no Tametomo'''. My friend, the local historian Asanuma Eitarō, once told me, ‘'''The reason you are fighting so hard in the Diet is because you carry the blood of Tametomo.'''’ Being compared to the modern Tametomo felt a bit ticklish.
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/51167_41894.html My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).]

* The most memorable episode from my time on Miyake-jima was, I think, when I was in the fifth or sixth grade of elementary school, crossing a toi (wooden water trough) suspended over a cliff and being scolded by my mother. [...] Terrified, I ran outside, and later when I returned home, I hid inside a straw sack.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''In Taishō 5 [1916], after graduating from the Prefectural Third Middle School, I told my father, ‘I want to enter Waseda University and become a politician,’''' but he scolded me severely. [...] My desire to attend Waseda only grew stronger, and in September of the same year I took the entrance examination for the second semester and entered Waseda University.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* We named this day ‘Bloody Friday.’ [...] Even after the incident, I was seized by members of the Yoko-Ou Club, taken to their lodging, and held captive all night where I was beaten, kicked, and punched until I was nearly unconscious from the lynching.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''On the one hand, while engaging in such student activism, I also rowed boats, wrestled sumo, and was active as a member of athletic clubs.''' In the inter-department boat races, I competed as a representative of the Political Economy Department and won. Still in my rowing outfit right after the boat race, '''I met Marquis Ōkuma. He patted my body and said, 'What a fine physique you have.'''' That impression remains with me even now.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* I was cornered to the limit, which instead heightened my rebellious spirit. When a guard passed by on patrol, I requested, 'I'm bored, so please let me read a book.' The guard curtly refused, saying 'I'm busy,' but I persistently demanded it anyway. That seems to have been a mistake. Around 9 p.m., I was dragged to the guards' station and told, 'Say what you said earlier again.' When I replied, 'I just said to lend me a book,' he said, 'You were being cheeky with that mouth,' and jammed two fingers into my mouth, yanked me up, threw me to the floor, and they all beat, kicked, and pummeled me. On top of that, when I was returned to my cell, I was handcuffed behind my back with leather handcuffs. The leather handcuffs lasted about a week, and it was so painful I could barely sleep or eat. However, I was told this was still on the lighter side, which shows how brutal it was under the earthquake emergency. After the leather handcuffs were removed, I was ordered to polish the handcuffs. There is no greater irony than being made to polish the handcuffs that would be put on one's own hands. About a month later I was released, but it was not family or friends who greeted me, it was the special higher police from Waseda Police Station. Having no choice, I went to Waseda Police Station, where I was told, 'Go back to the countryside and behave yourself, or you’ll be detained.' Thus, I dejectedly returned to my hometown on Miyake-jima. Miyake-jima was once an island where exiles were sent, it was truly a 'Taishō-era exile to the islands.'
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* This happened just three hours after the party was founded. [...] There is the old saying of a ‘three-day shogun,’ but the Farmer-Labor Party was a three-hour shogun, and accordingly my first term as secretary-general lasted only three hours.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''If I gave a speech it was ‘Warning, Stop, Detention.’ If I was at the front of a demonstration it was ‘Detention.’''' Among the social activists of that time, '''it seems I held the top record for number of detentions.'''
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''However, my voice was not always this rattling voice.''' From my student days, I trained it by shouting against the waves on the banks of the Edo River or the shores of Miyake Island, doing cold training in the fields at midnight in winter, and studying Noh chanting in the Kanze school. [...] Thanks to this training, '''even now I can speak for two or three hours without drinking water.'''
* Truly, '''speech was my only weapon of struggle''' throughout more than thirty years of mass movements.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''I heard the Imperial Rescript on the Termination of the War in a remaining apartment room in Fukagawa. I can never forget the feeling I had at that moment.''' [...] I felt that I must offer this extra life granted to me for the sake of Japan’s future.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

* '''I am called the ‘Maa-Maa Koji.’''' [...] In fact, at meetings of the Central Executive Committee and so on, I do not take votes. [...] I am not good at sitting solemnly as the weight of the party. [...] For me, who is not a theoretician, '''action is my only weapon''', and I believe it is the way to serve the party.
** My Resume (私の履歴書), Nihon Keizai Shimbun, 1956 (book form: 1957).

=== 1959 ===

[[File:Inejirō Asanuma and Mao Zedong 1957.jpg|thumb|Looking at the current world situation, the global situation has changed since our delegation visited China two years ago in April 1957. Chairman Mao Zedong has expressed this with the apt phrase, 'the East Wind is prevailing over the West Wind,' and today this phrase has become known not only in China but around the world. In the world today, the growing strength of forces seeking peace and democracy — particularly the decisive upsurge of anti-colonial and anti-imperialist movements in Asia and Africa — clearly shows the overall trend. The colonial systems of the imperialist powers are already collapsing.]]
*You are the greatest Marxist of our era. May I ask, what is communism?
**[https://www.cntv.cn/lm/754/-1/49155.html To Mao Zedong during their meeting in Zhongnanhai, Beijing, March 1959]
*Looking at the current world situation, the global situation has changed since our delegation visited China two years ago in April 1957. '''Chairman Mao Zedong has expressed this with the apt phrase, 'the East Wind is prevailing over the West Wind,' and today this phrase has become known not only in China but around the world.''' In the world today, the growing strength of forces seeking peace and democracy — particularly the decisive upsurge of anti-colonial and anti-imperialist movements in Asia and Africa — clearly shows the overall trend. The colonial systems of the imperialist powers are already collapsing.
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/51165_41909.html Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959]

* '''The stationing of American military bases in Japan and Okinawa, which are gradually being fortified with nuclear weapons of all sizes, poses a serious threat.''' The peoples of Japan and China share the important common task of '''achieving a nuclear-free Asia and the withdrawal of foreign military bases.'''
** Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959

* '''Taiwan is part of China and Okinawa is part of Japan.''' Nevertheless, the fact that both are separated from their respective mainlands is due to '''American imperialism'''. We must regard American imperialism as our common enemy and fight against it.
** Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959

* '''We, the Japan Socialist Party, earnestly hope for the normalization of diplomatic relations with China at the earliest possible date.''' When we consider where the failures of Japanese diplomacy have always lain, they have consistently come from '''tying itself to distant countries while turning its back on its neighbors.''' In the Meiji era, Japan concluded the Anglo-Japanese Alliance with distant Britain and played the role of a '''watchdog in Asia.''' During the Second World War, it again formed a military alliance with distant Germany and Italy, turned its back on China and the countries of Southeast Asia, attempted military invasion, and pursued imperialist expansion — this, I believe, must be called a great failure. '''Now again, by tying itself to America,''' it is attempting to play a mediating role in America’s imperialist expansion into Southeast Asia. We strongly warn the government of this and demand a change of course. '''Our Socialist Party opposes such a diplomatic policy.''' In other words, we believe Japan should shift from the '''‘distant alliance, nearby attack’ policy''' to a policy of '''good-neighbor friendship.'''
** Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959

* '''There can be no national independence without economic independence.''' Japan must break free from dependence on the United States.
** Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959

* I believe that the true, natural state of humanity is not one of humans fighting each other, classes fighting each other, or nations shedding blood against each other. '''Humanity’s true form lies in solving these problems as quickly as possible and directing all our strength toward struggling against nature itself.'''
** Speech at the Political Consultative Conference Hall, Beijing, 12 March 1959

* '''Long live the advancing socialism of China! Long live the restoration of diplomatic relations between China and Japan! Long live peace in Asia and the world!'''
** Closing cheers, Beijing, 12 March 1959
*There is no need to retract. '''This is not an attack on the American people'''; fighting imperialist policy is natural for the Socialist Party.
**Response to U.S. Ambassador Douglas MacArthur II, who demanded he retract the statement &quot;U.S. imperialism is the common enemy of the Japanese and Chinese peoples.&quot; (May 1960, after the forced passage of the revised U.S.-Japan Security Treaty)

=== 1960 ===

[[File:Assassination of Inejiro Asanuma 01.jpg|thumb|During elections, they keep policies that would be unpopular with the public a secret, and then once they have won a majority in the election, they will... [push through anything using the power of the majority. What is the point of elections or a Diet if this is allowed? This is the majority party digging its own grave for parliamentary democracy.]]]
* Nichinichi kore kōnichi (日日是好日 / Every day is a good day)
** Calligraphy performed during a public lecture at Kinryū-ji Temple, Azumino, Nagano Prefecture, 4 September 1960, a stone monument reproducing his calligraphy was later erected at the temple by attendees as a memorial
* '''Gentlemen, I believe the essence of politics is to straighten what is crooked in the nation and society, to correct what is unjust, and to restore what is unnatural to its natural state. However, in our country today, there are many crooked things, unjust things, and unnatural things.'''
** [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/51165_41909.html Final speech at Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960]

* The stationing of foreign troops in Japan for twenty-five long years is '''an unnatural situation unprecedented since the founding of the country.'''
** Final speech at Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960

* American military bases in Japan are like American enclaves. Japanese courts have no jurisdiction inside them. '''This is nothing less than extraterritoriality.'''
** Final speech at Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960

* Moreover, to expand these bases, Japanese are forced to shed blood against Japanese. For example, Tachikawa Air Base is currently an American base. To expand this American base, they try to seize the land of farmers in Sunagawa. The Sunagawa farmers resist. Then the Procurement Agency officials call in the police to suppress them. Behind the farmers stand the people who seek complete independence for Japan and support them. In this way, they glare at each other and shed blood. It is no exaggeration to say that this ‘independence’ is '''a contradictory independence in which Japanese blood must be spilled in order to expand American enclaves.'''
** Final speech at Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960

* '''During elections, they keep policies that would be unpopular with the public a secret, and then once they have won a majority in the election, they will...''' [push through anything using the power of the majority. What is the point of elections or a Diet if this is allowed? This is the majority party digging its own grave for parliamentary democracy.]
** Last words before being assassinated on stage (and prepared continuation), 12 October 1960

* Finally, I must say that '''today’s Japanese politics is money politics — it is plutocracy.''' This injustice must be corrected. In our country’s politics, enormous sums of money are spent on elections. Once elected, politicians scramble for vested interests to recover that money. Sometimes this even leads to the exercise of command authority. The person who collects the most money becomes party president, and the party president becomes Prime Minister. That is the mechanism we have today.  
** Prepared continuation of the final speech (undelivered portion), Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960

* As a result of politics moving by money in this way, a mood of ‘anything goes if you have money’ fills society. Hope and ideals disappear, and a hand-to-mouth, live-for-the-day attitude prevails. The number of crimes has risen more than tenfold compared to prewar times, and '''juvenile problems in particular have become a source of worry for parents with children of that age.''' The government talks about moral education or revising the Fundamental Law of Education, but what is really needed is to correct the fundamental distortion in politics.
** Prepared continuation of the final speech, Hibiya Public Hall, 12 October 1960

* The basic way to correct politics is for the government itself to uphold the Constitution and conduct clean, honest governance.
** Prepared continuation of the final speech, 12 October 1960

=== Attributed / In conversation ===

* There’s a rumor that the Zengakuren is going to set the building on fire, so all the honorable Diet members seem to have disappeared. I'll be running in Shinjuku next election, so I’m counting on your support.
** While laughing heartily, when a young Waseda student named Michio Ozaki visited him at the Diet Members' Building around 1960 and remarked how empty the place looked. [https://www.jnpc.or.jp/journal/interviews/11923 Recounted by Ozaki himself (later a journalist) in his 2010 memoir essay.]

* What? One bowl is enough for you guys?
** On a campaign tour when a reporter saw many katsudon bowls prepared for the press and asked if others were coming. Asanuma then ate two full bowls with miso soup and pickles. This anecdote is well-known for illustrating his enormous appetite and down-to-earth character. Recounted by journalist Shigezō Hayasaka, who frequently accompanied him.

* Maa maa. ''(''まあまあ。)
** His habitual soothing phrase (&quot;There, there&quot; / &quot;Calm down, calm down&quot;) used during heated factional meetings in the Japan Socialist Party. This mannerism earned him the affectionate nickname &quot;Maa-Maa Koji'''&quot;''' (まあまあ居士).

* I am a socialist. It is not necessary.
** Refusing a bodyguard suggested by aides amid threats from right-wing groups, recounted by a close aide, 1960

* The masses believe in me. No one would try to kill me.
** Asanuma expressing confidence when declining protection, testimony of close associates, 1960

== Quotes about Asanuma ==
[[File:AsanumaWithJiro.webp|thumb|You were content with a life of honest poverty and continued to live modestly for thirty years in a small apartment in downtown Tokyo. You would take your beloved dog for walks in the neighborhood, and this was your daily pleasure. The people felt boundless affection for your down-to-earth appearance, even as they listened to your powerful oratory.]]

* 'Numa truly is a speech-making everyman &lt;br&gt; With his soiled clothes and tattered briefcase; &lt;br&gt; Today in this public hall, &lt;br&gt; Tomorrow at a roadside temple in Kyoto.
** Poem written by his friend Tadokoro Teruaki around the time of the Japan Labour-Farmer Party founding (circa 1925–1926), later quoted by Prime Minister Hayato Ikeda in his memorial speech
*The Great Wall is very high, yet you took off your leather shoes and climbed it!
**[[Mao Zedong]], upon meeting Asanuma the day after his barefoot climb of the Great Wall (March 1959). This humorous remark surprised Asanuma, who wondered how Mao had heard about it so quickly. Everyone present laughed.
* The greatest difference between Inejirō Asanuma and the party he leads, and the social democratic parties of Europe, is that your party opposes American imperialism.
** Mao Zedong''',''' during a meeting in Beijing, March 1959

* '''He's a good person, which makes it all the more regrettable to deal with him.'''
** Bin Akao, personal evaluation of Inejirō Asanuma (said prior to 1960)
** This remark is believed by some historians to have influenced Otoya Yamaguchi, the young right-wing activist who assassinated Asanuma in October 1960.

* Inejirō Asanuma was an outstanding Japanese patriot and a friend respected by the Chinese people.
** [[Zhou Enlai]], [https://rmrb.zhouenlai.info/%E5%91%A8%E6%80%BB%E7%90%86%E4%B8%93%E6%A0%8F/%E6%A0%87%E9%A2%98%E6%96%B0%E9%97%BB/1960/1960-10-14%200255121%20%E5%91%A8%E6%80%BB%E7%90%86%E7%94%B5%E5%94%81%E6%B5%85%E6%B2%BC%E7%A8%BB%E6%AC%A1%E9%83%8E%E9%81%87%E5%88%BA%E9%80%9D%E4%B8%96.htm condolence telegram, 13 October 1960]

* We firmly believe that the Japanese people’s struggle for independence, democracy, peace, neutrality, and the normalization of Sino-Japanese relations will certainly achieve final victory; Mr. Asanuma’s unfinished cause will certainly be realized along with the victory of the Japanese people’s struggle.
** Zhou Enlai, condolence telegram, 13 October 1960

*Just now, as I stand on this rostrum facing all of you, '''I clearly perceive one empty seat in this chamber. It is the seat of a worthy rival''' with whom I secretly vowed to debate policy from this very rostrum in the Diet, and with whom I pledged to engage in policy debates across the country during the upcoming general election. Once I heard a voice coming from here at Socialist Party conventions, and sometimes at the head of the masses. Now that person is gone, and that voice has fallen silent. To whom should I direct my debates? Yet if I listen carefully with a clear mind, I seem to hear a voice crying out from there: &quot;'''Do not let what happened to me happen to others,'''&quot; and &quot;'''Violence is the common enemy of all democratic politicians.'''&quot;
**Prime Minister Hayato Ikeda, memorial address in the Diet, 18 October 1960
*'''You were content with a life of honest poverty''' and continued to live modestly for thirty years in a small apartment in downtown Tokyo. You would take your beloved dog for walks in the neighborhood, and this was your daily pleasure. The people felt boundless affection for your down-to-earth appearance, even as they listened to your powerful oratory.
**Prime Minister Hayato Ikeda, memorial address in the Diet, 18 October 1960

* Mourning the Death of Chairman Asanuma&lt;br&gt;October 12, 1960 &lt;br&gt;Numa-san did not fall — he was struck down, &lt;br&gt;Suddenly, by a single blade. &lt;br&gt;But nevertheless, &lt;br&gt;The dream of justice that you pursued with your entire life through action — &lt;br&gt;Numa-san, we will absolutely not let it die. &lt;br&gt;Let that dream live on. &lt;br&gt;Expose everything — everything that cut that dream short. &lt;br&gt;For Japan’s present, &lt;br&gt;For the future, &lt;br&gt;For the new history that is yet to be born.
** [https://douzou.fortunastella.com/2020/12/29/%E6%B5%85%E6%B2%BC%E7%A8%B2%E6%AC%A1%E9%83%8E%EF%BC%88%E4%B8%AD%E5%A4%AE%E5%8C%BA%EF%BC%89/ Poem by Kusano Shinpei], read aloud by actress Mochizuki Yūko at Asanuma's funeral, 20 October 1960

* Mr. Asanuma not only devoted himself to the cause of Sino-Japanese friendship, but also made positive contributions to defending peace in the Far East and the world, and to developing the unity of the peoples of Asia and Africa.
** [https://rmrb.zhouenlai.info/%E5%91%A8%E6%80%BB%E7%90%86%E4%B8%93%E6%A0%8F/%E6%80%BB%E7%90%86%E7%9B%B8%E5%85%B3/1960/1960-10-20%200255524%20%E6%B5%85%E6%B2%BC%E5%85%88%E7%94%9F%E7%9A%84%E9%B2%9C%E8%A1%80%E5%86%B3%E4%B8%8D%E4%BC%9A%E7%99%BD%E6%B5%81.htm Mr. Asanuma’s blood will never flow in vain], People's Daily, 20 October 1960

* '''Chairman Asanuma grasped the essence of the problem, grasped the essence of Japan-U.S. relations, and also grasped the fundamental problems of the peoples of China, Japan, Asia, Africa, Latin America, and also Europe, North America and Canada, and other countries of the whole world.''' I once told Chairman Asanuma: 'Those who agree with this view may sometimes be fewer, sometimes more, but in the future it will certainly develop in the direction of becoming more numerous.'
** Mao Zedong, [https://m.creaders.net/bbs/history/view/180153 conversation with Japan Socialist Party Diet members], 24 January 1961
*At the hand of a despicable fascist murderer, a hireling of the imperialists, Comrade Inejirō Asanuma, chairman of the Socialist Party of Japan, a prominent public figure and fighter for peace and democracy, has perished.
**[[Nikita Khrushchev]], opening report at the 22nd Congress of the CPSU, 17 October 1961

* He loved the masses, and the masses loved him in return. The fighter for liberation, Inejirō Asanuma, still lives among us today. Until the reactionary blade ended his sixty-one-year life, he never stopped fighting. If you listen carefully, you can still hear today his cries and the roar of the masses.
* Born December Meiji 31 on Miyake-jima — Died October 12, Showa 35 at the hands of a thug
** [https://douzou.fortunastella.com/2020/12/29/%E6%B5%85%E6%B2%BC%E7%A8%B2%E6%AC%A1%E9%83%8E%EF%BC%88%E4%B8%AD%E5%A4%AE%E5%8C%BA%EF%BC%89/ Inscription by Jōtarō Kawakami on the pedestal of the Asanuma Inejirō] [https://douzou.fortunastella.com/2020/12/29/%E6%B5%85%E6%B2%BC%E7%A8%B2%E6%AC%A1%E9%83%8E%EF%BC%88%E4%B8%AD%E5%A4%AE%E5%8C%BA%EF%BC%89/ bust, March 1964.]

*I have pursued politics with the motto 'Always with the masses, always learning from the masses.' And I have deeply respected Inejirō Asanuma. Right after the war, I accompanied Asanuma on his Kyushu campaign tour. The sight of him in the scorching summer heat, sleeves rolled up, calling out to the people from the back of a truck, is still burned into my eyelids.
**Tomiichi Murayama, [https://www.nikkei.com/article/DGXZQOFG00012_U3A610C2000000/ &quot;Watashi no Rirekisho&quot; (My Resume)], Nikkei Shimbun, June 1996
*'''We must clean up 'money in politics.' This is the Asanuma spirit.'''
**[https://www.jiji.com/jc/d4?p=ton131-jlp05616141&amp;d=d4_psn Tomiichi Murayama, at the Asanuma memorial gathering, Constitution Memorial Hall, 12 October 2007]
* Asanuma, who visited China and greeted with 'U.S. imperialism is the common enemy of the Japanese and Chinese peoples,' causing controversy at home and abroad, was affectionately called by the masses 'Numa the speech-making everyman'. '''There were not a few people who felt a historical sense of loss at the sudden death of that man.'''
** Michio Ozaki, [https://www.jnpc.or.jp/journal/interviews/11923 My Life's Punctuation Mark: The 1960 Anpo Struggle and Inejirō Asanuma], October 2010

* I regard this photograph as a 'lucky scoop,' but it was also a heavy one. It was a scoop obtained through the death of Asanuma. My feeling of regret toward Asanuma has not changed even now, 50 years later.
** Yoshitake Takayoshi (Tokyo Shimbun photographer), in his testimony for ''Chūnichi Shimbun Alumni Association 50-Year History'' (『中日新聞社友会五十年史』), 2011

== See also ==

* [[Kyōko Asanuma]]

== External links ==

{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Inejiro Asanuma}}

&lt;div class=&quot;references-small&quot;&gt;
* [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/index_pages/person1487.html Inejirō Asanuma: List of works by author] – Aozora Bunko
* [http://roudousyaundou.que.jp/syakaitou_047.htm &quot;American imperialism is the common enemy of the peoples of Japan and China&quot;] – Asanuma's 1959 speech in Beijing
* [http://roudousyaundou.que.jp/syakaitou_048.htm Asanuma's final speech]
&lt;/div&gt;

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      <text bytes="2216" sha1="cex5kaq2rmsv1uw2xqx1nse7wbq3glg" xml:space="preserve">[[File:KyokoAsanuma2.jpg|thumb|258x258px|Kyōko Asanuma in 1937]]
'''[[wikipedia:Kyōko_Asanuma|Kyōko Asanuma]]''' (née Kyōko Takeda; 1 February 1904 – 10 March 1981) was a Japanese politician and socialist activist. She was the widow of Japan Socialist Party chairman [[Inejirō Asanuma]], who was assassinated in 1960. After his death she succeeded him in his Tokyo constituency, serving one term in the House of Representatives. She was active in women's issues and Japan–China friendship activities.

== Quotes ==
* I first learned of Yamaguchi’s suicide this morning through the newspaper. Rather than feeling hatred toward the boy, I feel more pity for him. My anger is burning up from the bottom of my heart once again toward the unseen forces that instilled such dangerous ideas into a 17-year-old boy and drove him to commit assassination. 
** [https://gobou-chan.com/social/asanuma/ 3 November 1960 press conference], after Otoya Yamaguchi's suicide
*I was born in Hita, Kyushu. At 17 I married, but I could not adapt to the overly feudal family customs of my husband’s house, so I ran away to Tokyo.
** This refers to her brief first marriage (prior to meeting Inejirō Asanuma in the late 1920s). She later married Inejirō in autumn 1928. [https://crd.ndl.go.jp/reference/entry/index.php?page=ref_view&amp;id=1000275972 Together with My Husband Inejirō Asanuma (夫 浅沼稲次郎とともに)], Fujin Kōron, December 1960

== Quotes about Kyōko ==

* Financially, things have not been easy. My wife has endured this kind of life remarkably well. [...] While always feeling grateful for my wife’s support and cooperation, I continue to devote myself fully to my work, wondering when the day will finally come when we can have a day of rest together in our shared life.
* [[Inejirō Asanuma]], [https://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/001487/files/60188_76403.html A Day for Taking Rest, 15 February 1953]
*

== See also ==

* [[Inejirō Asanuma]]

== External links ==

{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Kyōko Asanuma}}

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:''The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the article below. &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt;  Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]).  No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;!--Template:Vfd top

Note:  If you are seeing this page as a result of an attempt to re-nominate a page for deletion, you must manually edit the VfD nomination links in order to create a new discussion page using the name format of [[Wikiquote:Articles for deletion/PAGENAME (2nd nomination)]].  When you create the new discussion page, please provide a link to this old discussion in your nomination. --&gt;

The result was: '''delete. --[[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 08:27, 12 June 2026 (UTC)'''.
== [[:Mike Wallace (executive)]] ==
Lack of notability and lack of memorable quotes. — [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:14, 4 June 2026 (UTC)

&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 14:00, 11 June 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Delete'''. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:14, 4 June 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', not notable. [[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 14:05, 4 June 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', neither notable nor quotable. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 18:48, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
* Delete, per nom [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 18:52, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate.  &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt; Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]). No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;/div&gt; &lt;!--Template:Vfd bottom--&gt;  &lt;!-- NOTE: orphaned DIV closure is intentional, to match orphaned DIV opening in [[Template:Vfd top]] --&gt;</text>
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      <comment>Closed as delete ([[User:Saroj/VfDcloser|VfDcloser]])</comment>
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:''The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the article below. &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt;  Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]).  No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;!--Template:Vfd top

Note:  If you are seeing this page as a result of an attempt to re-nominate a page for deletion, you must manually edit the VfD nomination links in order to create a new discussion page using the name format of [[Wikiquote:Articles for deletion/PAGENAME (2nd nomination)]].  When you create the new discussion page, please provide a link to this old discussion in your nomination. --&gt;

The result was: '''delete. --[[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 08:27, 12 June 2026 (UTC)'''.
== [[:Sophia Alj]] ==
promotion, unsourced — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:53, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:53, 5 June 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' per nom. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 18:50, 6 June 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 12 June 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;
:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive of the debate.  &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;'''Please do not modify it.'''&lt;/span&gt; Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a [[Wikiquote:Deletion review|deletion review]]). No further edits should be made to this page.'' &lt;/div&gt; &lt;!--Template:Vfd bottom--&gt;  &lt;!-- NOTE: orphaned DIV closure is intentional, to match orphaned DIV opening in [[Template:Vfd top]] --&gt;</text>
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    <title>Food addiction</title>
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      <text bytes="23687" sha1="f4y1wky2e6n1ftxsd1oxp8t9i88a75q" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="25220" sha1="407ibxs115fa10xyudddakm9nwqax7u" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="26534" sha1="d9u5z8ghri6rva1i61rqqkh2xwfokz2" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

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{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="27544" sha1="hsvepc9l590lud6mopt5xt0cya65c2n" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="32816" sha1="exenkvmdwm6rvpsssed7wjqn4ukwb8r" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

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{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="34197" sha1="hs0vce3shl2nrhoo2mfs09risd0716d" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

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{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="35265" sha1="i7pn5qoclsfyulkr25rdr2tmm9hwdun" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="35272" sha1="54xixmqsad85l7oin01fx4zd9k6z35v" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

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{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==O==

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="36329" sha1="fsfz74nlus8cfsgluuhh8n2xirw0vp7" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==O==

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* If you cannot control your hunger and appetite, good luck managing your blood chemistry, metabolism, waistline, and, in the bigger picture, the prospect of crippling your brain.
** [[w:David_Perlmutter|David Perlmutter]], ''Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brain's Silent Killers'' (2013)

* The food we eat goes beyond its macronutrients of carbohydrates, fat and protein. It's information. It interacts with and instructs our genome with every mouthful, changing genetic expression.
** David Perlmutter, ''Brain Maker: The Power of Gut Microbes to Heal and Protect Your Brain–for Life'' (2015) ISBN 978-0316380102

* &quot;Shop the periphery of the grocery store. Anything with an ingredient list is suspect... [Ultra-processed foods] aren’t just empty—they’re addictive, designed to light up your brain’s reward system like a slot machine.
** David_Perlmutter, Clinical Commentary Archive, ''[https://drperlmutter.com/ultra-processed-foods-threaten-brain &quot;Ultra-Processed Foods Threaten Your Brain&quot;]'' (2024)

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


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      <comment>Added quotes from Jason Fung</comment>
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      <text bytes="37415" sha1="rf86b1lpumgbe6dr7n9vdo0ilv7l95e" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

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==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==F==

* The basics of good nutrition can be summarized in these simple rules. Eat whole, unprocessed foods. Avoid sugar. Avoid refined grains. Eat a diet high in natural fats. Balance feeding with fasting.
** [[w:Jason_Fung|Jason Fung]], ''The Complete Guide to Fasting: Heal Your Body Through Intermittent, Alternate-Day, and Extended Fasting'' (2016)

* We are wired for feast and famine, not feast, feast, feast.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* [In cases where] too much insulin causes obesity, then it becomes clear we need to lower insulin levels.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* The healthy snack is one of the greatest weight-loss deceptions. The myth that ‘grazing is healthy’ has attained legendary status. If we were meant to ‘graze’, we would be cows. Grazing is the direct opposite of virtually all food traditions. Even as recently as the 1960s, most people still ate just three meals per day. Constant stimulation of insulin eventually leads to insulin resistance.
** Jason Fung, ''The Obesity Code: Unlocking the Secrets of Weight-Loss'' (2016)

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==O==

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* If you cannot control your hunger and appetite, good luck managing your blood chemistry, metabolism, waistline, and, in the bigger picture, the prospect of crippling your brain.
** [[w:David_Perlmutter|David Perlmutter]], ''Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brain's Silent Killers'' (2013)

* The food we eat goes beyond its macronutrients of carbohydrates, fat and protein. It's information. It interacts with and instructs our genome with every mouthful, changing genetic expression.
** David Perlmutter, ''Brain Maker: The Power of Gut Microbes to Heal and Protect Your Brain–for Life'' (2015) ISBN 978-0316380102

* &quot;Shop the periphery of the grocery store. Anything with an ingredient list is suspect... [Ultra-processed foods] aren’t just empty—they’re addictive, designed to light up your brain’s reward system like a slot machine.
** David_Perlmutter, Clinical Commentary Archive, ''[https://drperlmutter.com/ultra-processed-foods-threaten-brain &quot;Ultra-Processed Foods Threaten Your Brain&quot;]'' (2024)

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="38310" sha1="sekikh94a60wx79yd0osjzrzpw5zrtk" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==F==

* The basics of good nutrition can be summarized in these simple rules. Eat whole, unprocessed foods. Avoid sugar. Avoid refined grains. Eat a diet high in natural fats. Balance feeding with fasting.
** [[w:Jason_Fung|Jason Fung]], ''The Complete Guide to Fasting: Heal Your Body Through Intermittent, Alternate-Day, and Extended Fasting'' (2016)

* We are wired for feast and famine, not feast, feast, feast.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* [In cases where] too much insulin causes obesity, then it becomes clear we need to lower insulin levels.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* The healthy snack is one of the greatest weight-loss deceptions. The myth that ‘grazing is healthy’ has attained legendary status. If we were meant to ‘graze’, we would be cows. Grazing is the direct opposite of virtually all food traditions. Even as recently as the 1960s, most people still ate just three meals per day. Constant stimulation of insulin eventually leads to insulin resistance.
** Jason Fung, ''The Obesity Code: Unlocking the Secrets of Weight-Loss'' (2016)

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==O==

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* If you cannot control your hunger and appetite, good luck managing your blood chemistry, metabolism, waistline, and, in the bigger picture, the prospect of crippling your brain.
** [[w:David_Perlmutter|David Perlmutter]], ''Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brain's Silent Killers'' (2013)

* The food we eat goes beyond its macronutrients of carbohydrates, fat and protein. It's information. It interacts with and instructs our genome with every mouthful, changing genetic expression.
** David Perlmutter, ''Brain Maker: The Power of Gut Microbes to Heal and Protect Your Brain–for Life'' (2015) ISBN 978-0316380102

* &quot;Shop the periphery of the grocery store. Anything with an ingredient list is suspect... [Ultra-processed foods] aren’t just empty—they’re addictive, designed to light up your brain’s reward system like a slot machine.
** David_Perlmutter, Clinical Commentary Archive, ''[https://drperlmutter.com/ultra-processed-foods-threaten-brain &quot;Ultra-Processed Foods Threaten Your Brain&quot;]'' (2024)

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Y==

* We have evolved a craving for sweet foods because we evolved in an environment where sweetness meant fruit, and fruit meant safety and vitamins. Now we can separate sweetness from nutrition, satisfying our palates is no longer a guarantee that we are satisfying our nutritional needs.
** [[w:John_Yudkin|John Yudkin]], ''Pure, White, and Deadly: How Sugar Is Killing Us and What We Can Do to Stop It'' (1972) ISBN 978-0-7067-0056-5

* To argue that the consumption of sugar is simply a matter of choice is to ignore the reality of human behaviour; the more we eat it, the more we want it, and the less we are able to resist its pull.
** ''Pure, White, and Deadly''

* If only a small fraction of what is already known about the effects of sugar were to be revealed about any other material used as a food additive, that material would swiftly be banned.
** ''Pure, White, and Deadly''

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:Eating disorders]]</text>
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      <text bytes="39037" sha1="ji67v21ximmx6fnnwh1dn0i5ypao09i" xml:space="preserve">A '''[[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]]''' (or eating addiction) is any behavioural addiction characterized primarily by the compulsive consumption of palatable and hyperpalatable food items, and potentially also sugar-sweetened beverages. Such foods often have high sugar, fat, and salt contents, and markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals. Those with eating addictions often overconsume such foods despite the adverse consequences (such as excess weight gain, diabetes, and heart disease) associated with their overconsumption.

== Quotes ==

__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}

==A==

* Heavy consumption of highly processed foods can alter dopamine and opioid neurotransmission, creating a cycle of bingeing and withdrawal.
** Nicole M. Avena, Pedro Rada, and Bartley G. Hoebel. ''Evidence for sugar addiction: Behavioral and neurochemical effects of intermittent, excessive sugar intake.'' Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews (2008)

* The modern food environment acts as a constant cue, activating the reward center of the brain before the food even touches your tongue.
** Nicole M. Avena and John Talbott, ''Why Diets Fail: Because You're Addicted to Sugar'' (2014) ISBN 978-1451699708

* Our research shows that sugar can stimulate the brain's reward system in a manner similar to drugs of abuse, leading to chemical changes that mirror addiction.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''What to Eat When You're Pregnant'' (2015) ISBN 978-1607746737

* Food addiction is not a metaphor; it is a clinical reality driven by biological changes in the brain's survival circuitry.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless: A 7-Step Plan to Uncover Hidden Sugars, Curb Your Cravings, and Conquer Your Addiction'' (2023) ISBN 978-1401972172

* We are not addicted to all foods. The addiction is specifically aimed at highly processed foods that contain unnatural concentrations of sugar and refined carbohydrates.
** Nicole M. Avena, ''Sugarless'' (2023)

==B==

* We live in a culture that targets the poor and children as a market for high-calorie, low-nutrition junk food and manipulates children into poor eating habits with toy giveaways and in-school promotions.
** [[w:Kelly_D._Brownell|Kelly D. Brownell]], ''Food Fight: The Inside Story of the Food Industry, America's Obesity Crisis, and What We Can Do About It'' (2004) ISBN 978-0071438728

* Certain constituents of food products, added sugar in particular, may hijack the brain and override human will, judgement and personal responsibility, and in so doing create a public health menace.
** Kelly D. Brownell and Mark Gold, ''Food Addiction: A Comprehensive Handbook''. (2012) ISBN 978-0199738168

* As a culture, we've become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.
** Kelly D. Brownell. Cited in ''The New York Times Magazine'', 2013. ''[https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-extraordinary-science-of-addictive-junk-food.html &quot;The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.&quot;]''

* Portion sizes and the availability of highly processed, highly caloric food have grown dramatically... How far are you from a doughnut?
** Kelly D. Brownell. Center for Science in the Public Interest, [https://www.cspi.org/article/why-our-toxic-food-environment-matters interview, 2022]. ''&quot;Why our toxic food environment matters.&quot;''

==C==

* ''How to lose weight and keep it off''&lt;br&gt;+ The most important thing is to change your mentality and approach rather than simply changing what you eat.&lt;br&gt;+ Correcting the misconceptions that keep you trapped eating the wrong foods that cause you to not only gain weight but also feel tired, miserable and unfit is essential.&lt;br&gt;+ Get your head right and it’s easy to lose weight (and keep it off).&lt;br&gt;As long as you change your thinking and see the food that has made you overweight for what it is; poisonous, toxic, and addictive junk that’s made you ill, you’ll find it easy.
** Some points from the [https://www.allencarr.com/easyway-weight-loss/how-do-i-lose-weight-and-keep-it-off allen.carr.com website]

==F==

* The basics of good nutrition can be summarized in these simple rules. Eat whole, unprocessed foods. Avoid sugar. Avoid refined grains. Eat a diet high in natural fats. Balance feeding with fasting.
** [[w:Jason_Fung|Jason Fung]], ''The Complete Guide to Fasting: Heal Your Body Through Intermittent, Alternate-Day, and Extended Fasting'' (2016)

* We are wired for feast and famine, not feast, feast, feast.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* [In cases where] too much insulin causes obesity, then it becomes clear we need to lower insulin levels.
** ''The Complete Guide to Fasting''

* The healthy snack is one of the greatest weight-loss deceptions. The myth that ‘grazing is healthy’ has attained legendary status. If we were meant to ‘graze’, we would be cows. Grazing is the direct opposite of virtually all food traditions. Even as recently as the 1960s, most people still ate just three meals per day. Constant stimulation of insulin eventually leads to insulin resistance.
** Jason Fung, ''The Obesity Code: Unlocking the Secrets of Weight-Loss'' (2016)

==G==

* Right now, we're kind of like, 'just eat these foods in moderation.' And for the people for whom consumption of these foods has become compulsive, it's like telling people with alcohol use disorder to just find a way to drink in moderation.
** Ashley Gearhardt, National Institutes of Health [https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2024/02/dr-ashley-gearhardt-addiction-ultra-processed-foods (NIH) interview, 2024]. ''&quot;Dr. Ashley Gearhardt on Addiction and Ultra-Processed Foods.&quot;''

* “People aren’t becoming addicted to apples or brown rice,” said lead author University of Michigan professor of psychology Ashley Gearhardt, Ph.D. “They’re struggling with industrial products specifically engineered to hit the brain like a drug—rapidly, intensely, and repeatedly.”
** Quoted on the [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/addiction-outlook/202403/addicted-to-food ''Psychology Today''] website.

* These foods are so wildly different than those foods [real fruits, vegetables, legumes] that some people have suggested that food is the wrong term for it, and we should instead call them chemical substances.
**  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

* The younger you are when you're exposed to an addictive substance, the more likely you are to have problems... Kids are being exposed to this and aggressively marketed to... it's setting them up where this is one of the major sources of reward, sources of ways to cope.
** **  Ashley Gearhardt, [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association (APA) podcast, 2022]. ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food?&quot;''

*  What has happened in modern times is that previously healthy [[w:whole foods|whole foods]] have been largely replaced by [[w:Ultra-processed_food|ultra-processed foods]], which are high in pure sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, salt, and the wrong types of fats.&lt;br&gt;The reasons that our bodies crave these foods is because they are loaded with ingredients that tap into the pleasure centers in our brain, the so-called dopamine reward pathway, which is the same pathway that street drugs like cocaine tap into.
** [https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/09/why-do-we-crave-junk-food-diet-psychology The Harvard Gazette.] ''&quot;Why we crave junk food—and how to cultivate healthier eating habits.&quot;''

* ''Mills'': &quot;What's the difference between being addicted to food and just liking to indulge in treats more than you should? How can you tell if someone meets the threshold for addiction?&quot;&lt;br&gt;''Gearhardt'': &quot;...I took our diagnostic criteria that we have in the [[w:Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders|DSM]] to try and dissociate between social drinkers and somebody who's actually addicted to alcohol. And I've applied that to the intake of these really highly processed foods with unnatural levels of refined carbohydrates and fats. And so, the hallmarks of addiction that I'm looking for are a loss of control over intake.&lt;br&gt;[...] Having more of a sense of your cues and your reactions can start to give you some of your power back.&lt;br&gt;[...] Right now, we're at where I see we've been with a lot of addictions in the past, which is that it's just a focus on willpower: 'You just have to try a little harder, calories in calories out.' And what it's ignoring is that there's a trillion dollar industry that is using its research and development budget to specifically design these highly processed foods to trigger unnaturally intense levels of reward in your brain in a way that makes it hard to manage. And that if this is triggering this addictive compulsive pull, it's not just an adult choice, but really the result of a toxic environment really pushing a risky food substance that we're not well informed about. And so, that seems to actually be somewhat helpful in reducing stigma and reducing the belief that people just aren't trying hard enough and it's just a matter of willpower.&lt;br&gt;[...] It's clearly not all foods. It's clearly this subset of highly processed foods that are unnatural, highly refined, highly rewarding products. And that's what people get hooked on. [...] People are really struggling to get a handle on their relationship with these foods, even in the face of really stark consequences.&quot;
** [https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/food-addiction American Psychological Association.] ''&quot;Speaking of Psychology: Can you be addicted to food? With Ashley Gearhardt, PhD.&quot;''

* &quot;And some of the behaviors that we see that people report is that they really struggle to maintain their control once they start eating some of these foods. [...] There's a tendency that even if you have some pretty significant negative consequences, health consequences, emotional consequences-you keep returning to that same dietary pattern. [...] Because the foods themselves seem to have kind of taken an oversized view in their world. They really start kind [of] driving their eating behavior and sometimes driving their entire life.&lt;br&gt;[...] From a public health perspective, the biggest concern is if these foods have enough of an addictive pull, they trigger enough of a response that you really struggle to eat in moderation. That says, on a broad scale, people are struggling with their relationship with these foods in a way that increases health-related problems.&quot;
** [https://wfpc.sanford.duke.edu/podcasts/ashley-gearhardt-food-addiction Duke University, ''World Food Policy Center''] ''&quot;Ashley Gearhardt on Food Addiction and You… Yes, You.&quot;''

* We just blame it on the individual for a while and say 'oh, you know, just smoke in moderation, drink in moderation' – and eventually we get to a point where we understand the levers that the industry can pull to create products that can really hook people.
** Ashley Gearhardt, University of Michigan [https://lsa.umich.edu/psych/news-events/all-news/faculty-news/ultra-processed-foods-should-be-treated-more-like-cigarettes-tha.html clinical commentary, 2026]. ''&quot;Ultra-processed foods should be treated more like cigarettes than food.&quot;''

==H==

* Food is not just calories, it is information; it talks to your DNA and tells it what to do. And junk food speaks a language of disease, inflammation, and addiction.
** [[w:Mark_Hyman_(doctor)|Mark Hyman]], ''The Blood Sugar Solution: The UltraHealthy Program for Losing Weight, Preventing Disease, and Feeling Great Now'' (2012) ISBN 978-0-316-12737-0

* Sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine. It hijacks your brain chemistry and your taste buds, driving you to eat more and more, even when you know it's killing you.
** Mark Hyman, ''The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox Diet: Activate Your Body's Natural Ability to Burn Fat and Lose Weight Fast'' (2014) ISBN 978-0-316-23002-5

* The food industry has intentionally created 'hyper-palatable' foods—scientific combinations of fat, sugar, and salt designed to bypass your body's natural fullness cues and keep you hooked.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food: What the Heck Should I Eat? The No-nonsense Guide to Achieving Optimal Weight and Lifelong Health.'' (2018) ISBN 978-0-316-33886-8

* Willpower is a myth. You cannot use willpower to override a biological addiction. If your hormones and brain chemistry are hijacked by sugar, biology will win every single time.
** Mark Hyman, ''Food Fix: How to Save Our Health, Our Economy, Our Communities, and Our Planet—One Bite at a Time'' (2020) ISBN 978-0-316-45317-2

==K==

* Modern foods... are designed not to satisfy, but rather to stimulate the reward pathways in the brain, conditioning us to crave more food.
** David Kessler, ''The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite'' (2009) ISBN 1-60529-785-2

* The more rewarding the food, the greater the attention we direct toward it, and the more vigorously we pursue it.
** ''The End of Overeating''

* Because this kind of food disappears down our throats so quickly after the first bite, it readily overrides the body's signals that should tell us 'I'm full.'
** ''The End of Overeating''

* America has become a food fun house... a carnival of delicious, fatty, salty, sugary, and, more to the point, accessible and cheap delights. How could you expect to go to the carnival and not want to go on the rides?
** ''The End of Overeating''

* We live in a world of foods designed to be addictive, driving biological instincts that provoke overeating and the food noise of daily existence.
** ** David Kessler, ''Diet, Drugs, and Dopamine: The New Science of Achieving a Healthy Weight'' (2025) ISBN 1250381274

* &quot;Once you understand you are being stimulated, then you can begin to fight back to prevent being manipulated.&quot;
** David Kessler. [https://www.npr.org/2009/05/06/103862714/why-do-we-overeat-author-blames-fat-sugar-salt National Public Radio (NPR) interview, 2009. ''&quot;Why do we overeat? Author blames fat, sugar, salt.&quot;'']

==L==

* Food is beyond a necessity; it's also a commodity, and it has been reformulated to be an addictive substance.
** Robert Lustig, ''Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against Sugar, Processed Food, Obesity, and Disease.'' New York: Hudson Street Press. (2012)

* If we don't understand what's actually happening to our brains, we become prey to industries that capitalize on our addictions in the name of selling happiness.
** Robert Lustig, ''The Hacking of the American Mind''. Avery (2017) - ISBN 978-1-101-98258-7

* Overeating doesn't make us fat. The process of becoming fat makes us overeat.
** David Ludwig, ''Always Hungry?: Conquer Cravings, Retrain Your Fat Cells, and Lose Weight Permanently''. (2016)

* Hunger isn't a passing feeling. It's a primal biological signal that the body needs fuel. Very hard to ignore over the long term.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* In the battle between mind and metabolism, you are destined to lose the battle with your body.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* ''[On the illusion of the &quot;calorie&quot;]'' Forget calories. Focus on quality. Let your body do the rest.
** ''Always Hungry?''

* For breakfast, you could have a bowl of cornflakes with no added sugar, or a bowl of sugar with no added cornflakes. They would taste different but, below the neck, act more or less the same.
** ''Always Hungry?''

==M==

* The food industry has perfected the science of the [[w:Bliss_point_(food)|bliss point]] — the precise amount of sweetness or saltiness that sends the brain into overdrive without triggering a signal that says, 'I've had enough.'
** Michael Moss, ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''. Random House (2013)  ISBN 978-0812982190, ISBN 0812982193

* They are not just making food; they are designing products with a 'fast-fading flavor' that leaves the brain tricked into wanting more, making moderation nearly impossible.
** ''Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us''

* Our brains are hardwired to remember where we found calorie-dense foods, and the modern grocery store exploits this evolutionary survival mechanism every single day.
** Michael Moss, ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''.  W. H. Allen &amp; Co. (2021) ISBN 978-0753556344, ISBN 0753556340

* When it comes to the speed at which it hits the brain, processed food makes tobacco look slow. The reward signal is instantaneous, reinforcing the addictive loop before you even finish chewing.
** ''Hooked: Food, Free Will, and How the Food Giants Exploit Our Addictions''

==O==

* Would it not be better if they spent more money on wholesome things like oranges and wholemeal bread or if they even, like the writer of the letter to the New Statesman, saved on fuel and ate their carrots raw? Yes, it would, but the point is that no ordinary human being is ever going to do such a thing. The ordinary human being would sooner starve than live on brown bread and raw carrots. '''And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food.''' A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn't. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say '''when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don't want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit 'tasty'. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you.'''
** [[w:George_Orwell|George Orwell]], [[w:The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier|The Road to Wigan Pier]] (1937) (from Pt. 1, Ch. 6.)

==P==

* Food addiction isn't a character flaw or a lack of willpower; it is a predictable biological response to modern engineered foods in a brain that is highly susceptible.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''. (2017) ISBN 978-1401952532

* Refined sugar and refined flour are not foods — they are highly purified, fast-acting chemicals that hijack the reward pathways of the brain in the exact same manner as drugs of abuse.
** ''Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free''

* When the brain is flooded with dopamine from hyper-palatable foods, the resulting insulin spikes block leptin from reaching the hypothalamus, leaving the individual in a state of perpetual, biological starvation.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''The Official Bright Line Eating Cookbook: Weight Loss Made Simple''. (2019) ISBN 978-1401956790

* For someone with a highly susceptible food-addict brain, the advice to 'eat everything in moderation' is not just useless; it is biologically impossible and psychologically damaging.
** Susan Peirce Thompson, ''ReZolve: The Science of Re-Wiring Your Brain to Resolve Weight and Food Issues''. (2025) ISBN 978-1401977719

* If you cannot control your hunger and appetite, good luck managing your blood chemistry, metabolism, waistline, and, in the bigger picture, the prospect of crippling your brain.
** [[w:David_Perlmutter|David Perlmutter]], ''Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth about Wheat, Carbs, and Sugar--Your Brain's Silent Killers'' (2013)

* The food we eat goes beyond its macronutrients of carbohydrates, fat and protein. It's information. It interacts with and instructs our genome with every mouthful, changing genetic expression.
** David Perlmutter, ''Brain Maker: The Power of Gut Microbes to Heal and Protect Your Brain–for Life'' (2015) ISBN 978-0316380102

* &quot;Shop the periphery of the grocery store. Anything with an ingredient list is suspect... [Ultra-processed foods] aren’t just empty—they’re addictive, designed to light up your brain’s reward system like a slot machine.
** David_Perlmutter, Clinical Commentary Archive, ''[https://drperlmutter.com/ultra-processed-foods-threaten-brain &quot;Ultra-Processed Foods Threaten Your Brain&quot;]'' (2024)

* Cooking for yourself is the only sure way to take back control of your diet from the food scientists and food processors, and to guarantee you're eating real food rather than edible foodlike substances, with their unhealthy oils, high-fructose corn syrup, and surfeit of salt.
** [[w:Michael Pollan|Michael Pollan]], ''[[w:In_Defense_of_Food|In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto]]'' (2008) ISBN 978-1594201455

* You're better off eating the real thing in moderation than binging on 'lite' food products that pack less flavor but more chemical additives.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Food_Rules:_An_Eater%27s_Manual|Food Rules: An Eater's Manual]]'' (2009) ISBN 978-0143116387

* If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
** ''Food Rules: An Eater's Manual''

* The most important thing about your diet is who cooks it, a human or a corporation.
** Michael Pollan, ''[[w:Cooked:_A_Natural_History_of_Transformation|Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation]]'' (2013) ISBN 978-1594204210

==S==

* Food addiction is a progressive, chronic, and fatal disease, characterized by an inability to control the intake of specific, trigger substances.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows'' (1989)

* For some people, foods can be as addictive as alcohol. Gummy bears and marshmallow chicks can be vicious killers whose effects can lead to depression, irritability and even suicide.
** Kay Sheppard, ''Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised &amp; Expanded Edition'', (1993) ISBN 978-1558742765

* Recovery does not begin with calorie counting; it begins with the total elimination of the chemical triggers — refined sugar, flour, and wheat — that drive the physical craving.
* Kay Sheppard, ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction'' (2000) 

* For the food addict, a single bite of a trigger food is not a treat — it is a chemical relapse that reawakens the physical obsession.
** ''From the First Bite: A Complete Guide to Recovery from Food Addiction''

* Food addiction is characterized by an obsession with food, obsession with weight, and loss of control over the amount eaten.
**  Kay Sheppard, [https://michaelprager.com/Kay-Sheppard-video-interview-food-addiction-abstinence-obesity-author-recovery video interview with journalist Michael Prager], 2013.

==T==

* The brain chemistry that drives the addict to seek pleasure beyond the point of satiety is similar, whether the user favours Jack Daniels or [[w:Jack_in_the_Box|Jack-in-the-Box]].
** Vera Tarman, ''Food Junkies: The Truth About Food Addiction'' (2014)

* If food addicts could smoke or inject sugar, food addiction would be on the same playing field for researchers as cocaine or heroin.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Today I say am an addict. A respectable addict, of course. Not like the desperate addicts who have cashed in their mortgage... After all, my drug is cheap, the cheapest of all drugs, and therefore the most pernicious... And my drug is everywhere I look: in the drive-through gas station's convenience store, in the supermarket, on the lusciously displayed menu of an exclusive restaurant.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Sugar, for example, shares the same neurochemistry and neural pathways as cocaine. Sweetened chocolate mimics the effects of alcohol and opiates. Flour modulates moods and anaesthetizes pain just as many drugs do.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Obesity, eating disorders, and chemical dependency on food are three distinct and very different diseases -- and demonstrate different behaviors around food. We can categorize the corresponding behaviours of these conditions as problems that occur within the normal eating, emotional eating, and food addiction spectrums.&lt;br&gt;Obesity is entirely a physical problem: a result of eating too many calories while expending too few... Normal eaters simply eat too much... Normal eaters represent a large proportion of the obese. They can regulate their obesity by learning how to change the circumstances that foster poor willpower: better sleep, stress management, improving social skills, and changing a toxic food environment are only a few of the modifications that can be made...&lt;br&gt;Certainly, people suffering from [[w:Eating_disorder|eating disorders]] and [[w:Food_addiction|food addiction]] can also be obese, but their primary condition is not [[w:Obesity|obesity]]. In their cases, obesity is just another symptom of their emotional disturbance or their food addiction. The underlying [[w:Psychological_trauma|emotional trauma]] that drives the bulimic to stuff himself needs to be addressed first before the physical aspects of obesity can be seriously addressed; likewise, the sugar that is propelling the addictive overeater needs to be removed first before tackling any weight issues.
** ''Food Junkies''

* I believe that food addicts need the same type of support offered to alcoholics and drug addicts. They need to detoxify first and then learn about their disease, while dealing with the thoughts and feelings that arise once they are off their drug. Quite often, psychological issues do not become obvious until food addicts have been abstinent for a long period of time. That's why ongoing support is needed to prevent addicts from relapsing in a panicky effort to cope.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Withdrawal occurs once a person [[w:Whole_food|stops eating any addictive food]]. Though abstaining from foods is a contentious subject in the scientific literature, there is no question that it will cause a level of discomfort that often drives addicts back to eating...&lt;br&gt;The good news is that detoxification is not a long process; it only lasts for a relatively short period - between one week and four weeks...&lt;br&gt;Cheating by having a bite here or a spoonful there is also an excellent way to suffer withdrawal in perpetuity. Withdrawal will not end if the substance is constantly being reintroduced back into the brain reward pathway.
** ''Food Junkies''

* Feelings of deprivation, obsessions about food, and anxiety arising from unresolved trauma that was being “medicated” by the addictive foods may appear like spectres that linger, worsening before they get better. 
** ''Food Junkies''

* From food addiction to food serenity - freedom tastes great!
** ''Food Junkies''

* It's not food. It's an industrially produced edible substance.
** [[w:Chris_van_Tulleken|Chris van Tulleken]], ''Ultra-Processed People: Why Do We All Eat Stuff That Isn't Food… and Why Can't We Stop?'' (2023) ISBN 978-1529160222&lt;br&gt;[+ ''[https://www.shortform.com/blog/ultra-processed-people-book An article about this book]'']

* The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* This is the science behind how UPF affects the human body:&lt;br&gt;• The destruction of the food matrix by physical, chemical and thermal processing means that UPF is, in general, soft. This means you eat it fast, which means you eat far more calories per minute and don’t feel full until long after you’ve finished.&lt;br&gt;• UPF typically has a very high calorie density because it’s dry, and high in fat and sugar and low in fibre, so you get more calories per mouthful.&lt;br&gt;• It displaces diverse whole foods from the diet, especially among low-income groups. And UPF itself is often micronutrient-deficient, which may also contribute to excess consumption.&lt;br&gt; • The mismatch between the taste signals from the mouth and the nutrition content in some UPF alters metabolism and appetite in ways that we are only beginning to understand, but that seem to drive excess consumption.&lt;br&gt;• UPF is addictive, meaning that for some people binges are unavoidable.&lt;br&gt;• The emulsifiers, preservatives, modified starches and other additives damage the microbiome, which could allow inflammatory bacteria to flourish and cause the gut to leak.&lt;br&gt;• The convenience, price and marketing of UPF urge us to eat constantly and without thought, which leads to more snacking, less chewing, faster eating, increased consumption, and tooth decay.&lt;br&gt;• The additives and physical processing mean that UPF affects our [[w:Satiety|satiety system]] directly. Other additives may affect brain and endocrine function, and plastics from the packaging might affect fertility.&lt;br&gt;• The production methods used to make UPF require expensive subsidy and drive environmental destruction, carbon emissions and plastic pollution, which harm us all.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* The signals that tell you to ‘stop eating’ haven’t evolved to handle food this soft and easily digested, so soft that it’s essentially pre-chewed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* “So dominant is soy as industrial animal feed that the average person in the UK or Europe consumes approximately 61kg of soy per year, largely in the form of animal products such as chicken, pork, salmon, cheese, milk and eggs. Only 20–30 per cent of imported soy is ‘certified sustainable’ (and we have already discussed how little that means). So, if you live in the UK, there is a tennis court of land producing soy in the tropics just for you, and most of it comes from places like Brazil and Argentina where ecosystems that affect global climate are being destroyed.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* It’s soft and typically calorie dense, so you eat it at a rate that your body can’t keep up with when it comes to feeling full. Things like protein isolates, refined oils and modified carbohydrates are absorbed so quickly they may not even reach the part of the gut that sends the fullness signal to the brain. They’re not things you have evolved to eat. Some of the additives are well known to cause harm – be particularly aware of emulsifiers and artificial sweeteners. Emulsifiers can thin the mucus lining of the gut, allowing faecal bacteria to leak into the blood stream and inflaming your whole body. The non-nutritive sweeteners that tell your body sugar is coming but don’t supply any calories seem to cause metabolic stress and changes to the microbiome. Other additives that affect the microbiome are maltodextrins, modified starches and lots of the gums and thickeners. Flavour enhancers (glutamate, guanylate, inosinate and ribonucleotides on ingredient lists) drive excess consumption. Again, they tell your body a lie about the nutritional content of the food you’re eating when they’re added out of context.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* In 2022, a study published in the journal ''Neurology'' looked at data from over 72,000 people. Increasing intake of UPF by 10 per cent was associated with a 25 per cent increase in the risk of dementia and a 14 per cent increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
** ''Ultra-Processed People''

* There is an apparently established fact that food isn't addictive... but here's the thing; it's not 'real' food that's addictive, it's UPF, otherwise known as these 'industrially produced edible substances'...&quot;
** Chris van Tulleken, interviewed in ''i News'', 2023. ''&quot;How I reprogrammed my brain to quit ultra-processed food.&quot;''

* Food addiction isn't a recognised disorder by the World Health Organisation or in the manual of psychiatric illness... But many clinicians report they have patients who experience symptoms of food addiction [where people] continue to eat [certain] foods despite trying to stop.
** Chris van Tulleken, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/upf_food_cravings BBC Food commentary, 2023], ''&quot;There's a reason we crave ultra-processed food.&quot;''

==W==

* According to [[w:David A. Kessler|David Kessler]], the former FDA commissioner, the food industry is not just aiming to satisfy its customers. ... The industry, including the growers, concocters, testers, packagers, marketers, distributors, and retailers, is investing in ''hyperstimulating'' foods—creations with the power to keep us eating. There are scientists hard at work right now devising ways to get you to eat more than you naturally desire.
** [[w:Wendy Wood (psychologist)|Wendy Wood]], {{cite book|url=https://www.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ| isbn=9781250159083 | title=Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick | date=October 2019 | publisher=Farrar, Straus and Giroux }} [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=hyperstimulating#v=snippet&amp;q=former%20fda%20commissioner&amp;f=false 1st sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=keep+us+eating#v=snippet&amp;q=keep%20us%20eating&amp;f=false 2nd sentence] [https://books.google.com/books?id=YmOMDwAAQBAJ&amp;q=scientists+hard+at+work#v=snippet&amp;q=scientists%20hard%20at%20work&amp;f=false 3rd sentence]

* For food addicts, 'abstinence first, absolutely,' is the key to living and a good life.
** Philip Werdell, cited in [https://michaelprager.com/werdell_food_addiction_research_Acorn clinical interview by Michael Prager], &quot;Phil Werdell: 'Abstinence first, absolutely.'&quot; (2010)

* This is the key to those who are dually diagnosed with anorexia and food addiction: they need to surrender control of both their obsession with not 'getting fat' and their specific food drugs. They need to learn to not restrict and to not overeat.
** Philip Werdell, SHiFT Recovery Clinical Paper, ''&quot;Eating Disorders &amp; Food Addiction&quot;'' (2014)

* Food addiction begins with physical craving. Physical craving distorts the hunger instinct for some people, making these people want more food than they need. This physical craving is a biochemical brain change caused by extra sugar or other hyper-processed foods.
** Philip Werdell, ''Food Addiction Denial: False Information and Irrational Thinking'', (2022) ISBN 978-1667853529

==Y==

* We have evolved a craving for sweet foods because we evolved in an environment where sweetness meant fruit, and fruit meant safety and vitamins. Now we can separate sweetness from nutrition, satisfying our palates is no longer a guarantee that we are satisfying our nutritional needs.
** [[w:John_Yudkin|John Yudkin]], ''Pure, White, and Deadly: How Sugar Is Killing Us and What We Can Do to Stop It'' (1972) ISBN 978-0-7067-0056-5

* To argue that the consumption of sugar is simply a matter of choice is to ignore the reality of human behaviour; the more we eat it, the more we want it, and the less we are able to resist its pull.
** ''Pure, White, and Deadly''

* If only a small fraction of what is already known about the effects of sugar were to be revealed about any other material used as a food additive, that material would swiftly be banned.
** ''Pure, White, and Deadly''

==Z==

* The basic premise of this book is that some foods are '''&quot;intense&quot;''' while others are '''&quot;xtense.'''&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Xtense&quot; foods''' are natural foods that our bodies are able to have a reasonable and sane relationship with. We eat them until we are full and then we lose interest in them. We don't long for them or fantasise about them or try to give them up or try to limit our intake only to crack and eat them till we feel sick. Did you ever binge out on a head of cabbage followed by some beetroots and turnip mash? Nope. Thought not. Xtense foods just don't have that kind of effect. [[File:Food_Addiction_(286843160).jpg|thumb|right|]]&lt;br&gt;'''&quot;Intense&quot; foods''' however are the &quot;crack cocaine&quot; of the food world. Our bodies cannot deal with them. They affect our metabolism and our brain functioning so badly that we cannot apply the mealy-mouthed logic of the [[w:Food_pyramid_(nutrition)|food pyramid]] and only have them in moderation. If you've ever eaten a family bar of chocolate, or a whole packet of biscuits, or six doughnuts that were on special offer in the supermarket, all by yourself, then this is you. You have a problem with &quot;intense&quot; foods. I actually don't think every human being gets caught in this &quot;intense&quot; food trap, but if you're one of the affected, you'll know who you are.&lt;br&gt;Way back when I first realised I had a problem with food I longed to instead have a problem with cigarettes or even drugs or bad company because I could give them up completely, which, I told myself, would be far easier than having a food problem, as food could never be given up completely. This book, by categorising foods into &quot;xtense&quot; and &quot;intense&quot; allows you to do exactly that. If it's &quot;intense&quot;, give it up. Forever.&lt;br&gt;The author doesn't have an easy index of &quot;intense&quot; and &quot;xtense&quot; foods at the back but rudimentary intelligence will allow you to figure them out yourself. Plus, I do think you have to apply your own life experience to her story and know what works for you. [...]&lt;br&gt;
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;Northness&quot; dated 31 March 2012, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

* I read ''Xtensity'' in one sitting and found it both fun and an eye opener. Disguised as a light novel à la Bridget Jones (if Bridget had graduated from Oxford...), '''it is actually a serious reflection on the causes of the current obesity epidemic and the futility of restricted calorie diets. The premise is as follows: evolution has conditioned us to prefer what the author calls &quot;intense&quot; foods, (basically sugar, salt and fat) and the food industry has exploited this evolutionary trait by incessantly peddling an ever increasing variety of attractive, cheap and readily available foods that make us fat. At the same time, our modern day obsession with thinness drives us towards the most absurd diets. However, low calorie diets do not work because evolution has also conditioned us to react to lower food intake as if fighting an impending famine: Feeling hungry triggers survival mechanisms in our body that automatically lower our energy output and produce even more fat cells. The solution is to avoid &quot;intense&quot; foods as much as possible and replace them with &quot;Xtense&quot; healthy nutritious foods. It's not easy to do, but it works.''' Goodbye Bridget Jones and Hello [[w:Arthur_De_Vany#Evolutionary_fitness|Art de Vany]]!
** From a review filed on Amazon by &quot;MCR&quot; dated 2 April 2014, about Judy Corstjens' 2010 book,'' &quot;Xtensity: Why 5% of Dieters Succeed&quot;''.

== See also ==
* [[Addiction]]
* [[Food]]
* [[Overeating]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* Some salt/sugar/fat quotes from Michael Moss, ''&quot;Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us&quot;'', on [https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/21520265-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-hooked-us  goodreads.com]
* Discussion of [https://www.westonaprice.org/book-reviews/the-hacking-of-the-american-mind-by-dr-robert-h-lustig/#gsc.tab=0 ''&quot;The Hacking of the American Mind: The Science Behind the Corporate Takeover of Our Bodies and Brains&quot;''] by Dr Robert H. Lustig


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      <text bytes="3864" sha1="o79l8xqaxo3mnpd1mo36xgpgkbfov8h" xml:space="preserve">'''[[q:it:Sergio Cusani|Sergio Cusani]]''' (born 149) is an Italian businessman.

==Quotes==
:&lt;small&gt;From an interview by Claudio Sabelli Fioretti, ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1578#more-1578 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette'', quoted in Interviste.sabellifioretti.it, 29 August 1993&lt;/small&gt;
*I am only interested in playing my game, as it should be played, the game that fully engages me and that determines my life. I want it to be understood that I know how to play the game and that I intend to play it to the end, using all the permitted rules and all the allowed variations.
*I do not speak against others because I have spoken enough against myself. You can't win by reporting others.
*I have had the opportunity to observe that if there was little virtue in what is now dismissed as the &quot;old system&quot;, there is equally little in what is now extolled as the &quot;new system&quot;. It is not at all virtuous to feign amazement at the excesses of financial interventionism in the world of private or public production.
*It is not even so virtuous to suddenly discover that the &quot;politics of the powerful&quot; has always had its price and has always been the subject of negotiations and business, often bad business. It was therefore necessary to criticise that policy in itself and not so much those deals. Otherwise, only the kind of business will change, but not the politics.
*A system of legality is necessary. If [[w:Garantism (legal theory)|garantism]] is not in fashion, let us reflect on the fact that once the well is empty, we all risk dying of thirst before it rains again.
*It was a market within a market in which it was impossible, at least for me, to understand how the parts were distributed and what the basic script was, which in any case was very old. It is likely that it was the businessmen who offered themselves, since the politicians were waiting for offers.
*I have lived too long in the &quot;market&quot; to seriously doubt that there is a &quot;free&quot; one.
*About [[w:Bettino Craxi|Bettino Craxi]]) It seems inhumane to me that he is now repudiated as the source of all the ills of Italian society. It is an indecent scapegoat. If it is a matter of collapse, this collapse has very distant origins and also perennial sources of sustenance that are still current.
*(About the ''[[Mani pulite]]'' judiciary pool) It is an irrefutable fact that they have a propensity to include the deprivation of personal liberty among their investigative tools.
Men change. 
*I knew [[w:Raul Gardini|Gardini]] before and after his irresistible rise. I prefer the memory of Gardini on the rise to that of Gardini after he had risen.

==Quotes about==
*He is the only client in my entire career with whom I have gone from being formal to being on first-name terms. He maintained a clear and distinct line. He admitted his guilt, he paid for his crimes, but he didn't rush &quot;to repent&quot;, as everyone did in those months, to denounce those he had worked with. 
:*[[q:it:Giuliano Spazzali|Giuliano Spazzali]], from an interview by Gianni Barbacetto, ''[http://www.giannibarbacetto.it/2017/07/03/spazzali-la-mia-mani-pulite-io-a-mani-nude-contro-il-trio-lescano/ Spazzali: &quot;La mia Mani pulite, io a mani nude contro il Trio Lescano&quot;]'', ''Il Fatto Quotidiano'', reported in Giannibarbacetto.it, 3 July 2017.

*Sergio Cusani was the man who distributed billions to politicians on behalf of Raul Gardini. According to [[Antonio Di Pietro]], he was the key to prosecuting the entire Italian political class. In the end, Cusani was the only one to end up in prison. 
:*[[q:it:Claudio Sabelli Fioretti|Claudio Sabelli Fioretti]], quoted in ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1576 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette''; quoted in Sabellifioretti.it, 13 August 2003.

{{DEFAULTSORT|Cusani, Sergio}}
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      <text bytes="3864" sha1="03lquipt02ommsl64gwh6rzrs6c4zsl" xml:space="preserve">'''[[q:it:Sergio Cusani|Sergio Cusani]]''' (born 149) is an Italian businessman.

==Quotes==
:&lt;small&gt;From an interview by Claudio Sabelli Fioretti, ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1578#more-1578 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette'', quoted in Interviste.sabellifioretti.it, 29 August 1993&lt;/small&gt;
*I am only interested in playing my game, as it should be played, the game that fully engages me and that determines my life. I want it to be understood that I know how to play the game and that I intend to play it to the end, using all the permitted rules and all the allowed variations.
*I do not speak against others because I have spoken enough against myself. You can't win by reporting others.
*I have had the opportunity to observe that if there was little virtue in what is now dismissed as the &quot;old system&quot;, there is equally little in what is now extolled as the &quot;new system&quot;. It is not at all virtuous to feign amazement at the excesses of financial interventionism in the world of private or public production.
*It is not even so virtuous to suddenly discover that the &quot;politics of the powerful&quot; has always had its price and has always been the subject of negotiations and business, often bad business. It was therefore necessary to criticise that policy in itself and not so much those deals. Otherwise, only the kind of business will change, but not the politics.
*A system of legality is necessary. If [[w:Garantism (legal theory)|garantism]] is not in fashion, let us reflect on the fact that once the well is empty, we all risk dying of thirst before it rains again.
*It was a market within a market in which it was impossible, at least for me, to understand how the parts were distributed and what the basic script was, which in any case was very old. It is likely that it was the businessmen who offered themselves, since the politicians were waiting for offers.
*I have lived too long in the &quot;market&quot; to seriously doubt that there is a &quot;free&quot; one.
*About [[w:Bettino Craxi|Bettino Craxi]]) It seems inhumane to me that he is now repudiated as the source of all the ills of Italian society. It is an indecent scapegoat. If it is a matter of collapse, this collapse has very distant origins and also perennial sources of sustenance that are still current.
*(About the ''[[Mani pulite]]'' judiciary pool) It is an irrefutable fact that they have a propensity to include the deprivation of personal liberty among their investigative tools. Men change. 
*I knew [[w:Raul Gardini|Gardini]] before and after his irresistible rise. I prefer the memory of Gardini on the rise to that of Gardini after he had risen.

==Quotes about==
*He is the only client in my entire career with whom I have gone from being formal to being on first-name terms. He maintained a clear and distinct line. He admitted his guilt, he paid for his crimes, but he didn't rush &quot;to repent&quot;, as everyone did in those months, to denounce those he had worked with. 
:*[[q:it:Giuliano Spazzali|Giuliano Spazzali]], from an interview by Gianni Barbacetto, ''[http://www.giannibarbacetto.it/2017/07/03/spazzali-la-mia-mani-pulite-io-a-mani-nude-contro-il-trio-lescano/ Spazzali: &quot;La mia Mani pulite, io a mani nude contro il Trio Lescano&quot;]'', ''Il Fatto Quotidiano'', reported in Giannibarbacetto.it, 3 July 2017.

*Sergio Cusani was the man who distributed billions to politicians on behalf of Raul Gardini. According to [[Antonio Di Pietro]], he was the key to prosecuting the entire Italian political class. In the end, Cusani was the only one to end up in prison. 
:*[[q:it:Claudio Sabelli Fioretti|Claudio Sabelli Fioretti]], quoted in ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1576 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette''; quoted in Sabellifioretti.it, 13 August 2003.

{{DEFAULTSORT|Cusani, Sergio}}
[[Category:1949 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from Italy]]</text>
      <sha1>03lquipt02ommsl64gwh6rzrs6c4zsl</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951804</id>
      <parentid>3951803</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T19:16:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Quinlan83</username>
        <id>3059612</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Reverted edits by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-34523-24|~2026-34523-24]] ([[User talk:~2026-34523-24|talk]]) to last version by ~2026-33815-60</comment>
      <origin>3950554</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3865" sha1="1jnft2ecmrsm93egjboj8rykgxuz1kn" xml:space="preserve">'''[[q:it:Sergio Cusani|Sergio Cusani]]''' (born 149) is an Italian businessman.

==Quotes==
:&lt;small&gt;From an interview by Claudio Sabelli Fioretti, ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1578#more-1578 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette'', quoted in Interviste.sabellifioretti.it, 29 August 1993&lt;/small&gt;
*I am only interested in playing my game, as it should be played, the game that fully engages me and that determines my life. I want it to be understood that I know how to play the game and that I intend to play it to the end, using all the permitted rules and all the allowed variations.
*I do not speak against others because I have spoken enough against myself. You can't win by reporting others.
*I have had the opportunity to observe that if there was little virtue in what is now dismissed as the &quot;old system&quot;, there is equally little in what is now extolled as the &quot;new system&quot;. It is not at all virtuous to feign amazement at the excesses of financial interventionism in the world of private or public production.
*It is not even so virtuous to suddenly discover that the &quot;politics of the powerful&quot; has always had its price and has always been the subject of negotiations and business, often bad business. It was therefore necessary to criticise that policy in itself and not so much those deals. Otherwise, only the kind of business will change, but not the politics.
*A system of legality is necessary. If [[w:Garantism (legal theory)|garantism]] is not in fashion, let us reflect on the fact that once the well is empty, we all risk dying of thirst before it rains again.
*It was a market within a market in which it was impossible, at least for me, to understand how the parts were distributed and what the basic script was, which in any case was very old. It is likely that it was the businessmen who offered themselves, since the politicians were waiting for offers.
*I have lived too long in the &quot;market&quot; to seriously doubt that there is a &quot;free&quot; one.
*About [[w:Bettino Craxi|Bettino Craxi]]) It seems inhumane to me that he is now repudiated as the source of all the ills of Italian society. 
It is an indecent scapegoat. If it is a matter of collapse, this collapse has very distant origins and also perennial sources of sustenance that are still current.
*(About the ''[[Mani pulite]]'' judiciary pool) It is an irrefutable fact that they have a propensity to include the deprivation of personal liberty among their investigative tools.
Men change. 
*I knew [[w:Raul Gardini|Gardini]] before and after his irresistible rise. I prefer the memory of Gardini on the rise to that of Gardini after he had risen.

==Quotes about==
*He is the only client in my entire career with whom I have gone from being formal to being on first-name terms. He maintained a clear and distinct line. He admitted his guilt, he paid for his crimes, but he didn't rush &quot;to repent&quot;, as everyone did in those months, to denounce those he had worked with. 
:*[[q:it:Giuliano Spazzali|Giuliano Spazzali]], from an interview by Gianni Barbacetto, ''[http://www.giannibarbacetto.it/2017/07/03/spazzali-la-mia-mani-pulite-io-a-mani-nude-contro-il-trio-lescano/ Spazzali: &quot;La mia Mani pulite, io a mani nude contro il Trio Lescano&quot;]'', ''Il Fatto Quotidiano'', reported in Giannibarbacetto.it, 3 July 2017.

*Sergio Cusani was the man who distributed billions to politicians on behalf of Raul Gardini. According to [[Antonio Di Pietro]], he was the key to prosecuting the entire Italian political class. In the end, Cusani was the only one to end up in prison. 
:*[[q:it:Claudio Sabelli Fioretti|Claudio Sabelli Fioretti]], quoted in ''[http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1576 Sergio Cusani]'', ''Sette''; quoted in Sabellifioretti.it, 13 August 2003.

{{DEFAULTSORT|Cusani, Sergio}}
[[Category:1949 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from Italy]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Personification</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308198</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951867</id>
      <parentid>3951476</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T22:03:01Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>notice put back</comment>
      <origin>3951867</origin>
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      <text bytes="1117" sha1="q86vsnoujblty0ryq9iwcwgjpv7iq6l" xml:space="preserve">----{{dated prod|concern = No quotes|month = June|day = 10|year = 2026|time = 11:26|timestamp = 20260610112610}}
&lt;!-- Do not use the &quot;dated prod&quot; template directly; the above line is generated by &quot;subst:prod|reason&quot; --&gt;
'''[[:w:Personification|Personification]]''' ([[:w:Latin|Latin]]: '''''Prosopopeia''''', [[:w:French language|French]]: '''''La Personnification''''', [[:w:German language|German]]: '''''Die Personifizierung''''', [[:w:Italian language|Italian]]: '''''La Personificazione''''') is a literary device that attributes human traits and characteristics to non-human subjects, enriching the narrative by creating vivid imagery and evoking emotions. This figurative language is commonly employed in poetry, short stories, and novels, allowing writers to convey complex ideas in a relatble manner. For instance saying &quot;The sun smiled down on us&quot; imbues the sun with warmth rather than suggesting its literal ability to smile. Notable authors who have effectively used personification include Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, and Toni Morrison, each bringing their unique styles to enhance their storytelling.</text>
      <sha1>q86vsnoujblty0ryq9iwcwgjpv7iq6l</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951946</id>
      <parentid>3951867</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T08:07:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-26734-79</username>
        <id>3315507</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3951946</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1463" sha1="bo7liw1szspw7ynfkwbubb3ncbwgtlp" xml:space="preserve">'''[[:w:Personification|Personification]]''' ([[:w:Latin|Latin]]: '''''Prosopopeia''''', [[:w:French language|French]]: '''''La Personnification''''', [[:w:German language|German]]: '''''Die Personifizierung''''', [[:w:Italian language|Italian]]: '''''La Personificazione''''') is a literary device that attributes human traits and characteristics to non-human subjects, enriching the narrative by creating vivid imagery and evoking emotions. This figurative language is commonly employed in poetry, short stories, and novels, allowing writers to convey complex ideas in a relatble manner. For instance saying &quot;The sun smiled down on us&quot; imbues the sun with warmth rather than suggesting its literal ability to smile. Notable authors who have effectively used personification include Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, and Toni Morrison, each bringing their unique styles to enhance their storytelling.

==Dedacence==
Personification differs from anthropomorphism, where animals or objects behave like humans; for example, Mickey Mouse exemplifies anthropomorphism while a line like &quot;The dilapidated house frowned at those who passed it by&quot; demonstrates personification. This technique can also be used to personify abstract concepts, as seen in poetry that gives life to feelings like sadness or fortune. Through personification, writers invite readers to engage with their texts on a deeper level, prompting them to see familiar elements in new and imaginative ways.</text>
      <sha1>bo7liw1szspw7ynfkwbubb3ncbwgtlp</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Louis Jouin</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308240</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951597</id>
      <parentid>3951453</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:05:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951597</origin>
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      <text bytes="722" sha1="amp8z130ca42jf5xjj2kz9dh4pt1nc8" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Louis Jouin|Louis Jouin]]''' (14 June 1818 – 10 June 1899) was a German [[w:Jesuit|Jesuit]] linguist, philosopher, and author.

== Quotes ==  
* Protestants and others do not like to hear that the Pope is infallible; because they always considered that they themselves are infallible in almost everything and were unwilling to grant that there was only one man who was so, and that he was so only in a very restricted sphere, and under certain peculiar and special conditions.
** [https://archive.org/details/whatchristreveal00jouiuoft/page/30 ''What Christ Revealed'' (1897)]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Jouin, Louis}}
[[Category:1818 births]]
[[Category:Jesuits]]
[[Category:1899 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>amp8z130ca42jf5xjj2kz9dh4pt1nc8</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951598</id>
      <parentid>3951597</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:06:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>+ 4 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951598</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="881" sha1="spr4tpdu9gqb94e8e72ojor1fowsass" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Louis Jouin|Louis Jouin]]''' (14 June 1818 – 10 June 1899) was a German [[w:Jesuit|Jesuit]] linguist, philosopher, and author.

== Quotes ==  
* Protestants and others do not like to hear that the Pope is infallible; because they always considered that they themselves are infallible in almost everything and were unwilling to grant that there was only one man who was so, and that he was so only in a very restricted sphere, and under certain peculiar and special conditions.
** [https://archive.org/details/whatchristreveal00jouiuoft/page/30 ''What Christ Revealed'' (1897)]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Jouin, Louis}}
[[Category:1818 births]]
[[Category:Jesuits]]
[[Category:1899 deaths]]
[[Category:Linguists from Germany]]
[[Category:Philosophers from Germany]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Germany]]
[[Category:Theologians from Germany]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308242</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951599</id>
      <parentid>3951495</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T12:08:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>don't really need the header, since the Scooby Doo template is at the bottom</comment>
      <origin>3951599</origin>
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      <text bytes="1934" sha1="skqyspennu95zj5t7qfw20riccdltwy" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!|Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!]]''''' is a [[w:2007 in film|2007 film]] about the gang's vacation to Paris takes a wrong turn when Scooby and Shaggy miss their flight and end up on a skydiving expedition in the Himalayas. To make matters worse, upon arrival they must outrun the Abominable Snowmonster.

:''Directed by Joe Sichta. Written by Adam Scheinman and Joe Sichta.
{{film-stub}}

== Mystery Inc. ==
=== {{w|Scooby-Doo (character)|Scooby-Doo}} ===
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
=== {{w|Norville &quot;Shaggy&quot; Rogers}} ===
* Yikes! Now we know how it feels to be lost luggage.
=== {{w|Fred Jones}} ===
* Guys, I think I got the wrong plane.
=== {{w|Daphne Blake}} ===
* Oh, Scooby-Doo, where are you?
=== {{w|Velma Dinkley}} ===
* Here we go, again.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Freddy''': Guys, I think I got the wrong plane.
:'''Velma''': Here we go, again.
:'''Daphne''': Oh, now where?
:'''Shaggy''': Like, step on it Scoob. Next stop, the Amazon Jungle.
:'''Scooby Doo''': Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

== Cast ==
* [[Frank Welker]] — Scooby-Doo and Fred
* Casey Kasem — Shaggy
* Mindy Cohn — Velma
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Daphne

== See also ==
* ''[[What's New, Scooby Doo?]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Loch Ness Monster]]''
* ''[[Aloha, Scooby-Doo!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! in Where's My Mummy?]]'
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King]]''
* ''[[Scooby-Doo! and the Samurai Sword]]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=1097636|title=Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!}}

{{Scooby-Doo}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2007 animated films]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated mystery films]]
[[Category:Scooby-Doo direct-to-video animated films]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Suicidal empathy</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308248</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951727</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:20:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences. {{Stub}} ==Quotes== *From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernme...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3951727</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1079" sha1="e8hxossz1hx6u1spc8455ra178mq6dy" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America'']
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}</text>
      <sha1>e8hxossz1hx6u1spc8455ra178mq6dy</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951728</id>
      <parentid>3951727</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:20:58Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>added [[Category:Psychology]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951728</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1104" sha1="4ggxsyhlgekpx8sfvagitwpgrfwcwhf" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America'']
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Psychology]]</text>
      <sha1>4ggxsyhlgekpx8sfvagitwpgrfwcwhf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951729</id>
      <parentid>3951728</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:21:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Psychology]]; added [[Category:Emotions]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951729</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1102" sha1="e0d6jxt9lm28spzibg4mjea0a51bxr4" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America'']
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Emotions]]</text>
      <sha1>e0d6jxt9lm28spzibg4mjea0a51bxr4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951730</id>
      <parentid>3951729</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:21:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3951730</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1110" sha1="m3jglk4lzrwdw18ibabftl4chdehh58" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America''] (2026)

==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Emotions]]</text>
      <sha1>m3jglk4lzrwdw18ibabftl4chdehh58</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951731</id>
      <parentid>3951730</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:23:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */</comment>
      <origin>3951731</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1141" sha1="knhvumyeijaqnei37iodfoghv74jvcn" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author Gad Saad. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America''] (2026), New York: Hachette Book Group

==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Emotions]]</text>
      <sha1>knhvumyeijaqnei37iodfoghv74jvcn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951735</id>
      <parentid>3951731</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:36:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3951735</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1138" sha1="b4djrida0irmvqs4oodi3stqxqoyz3i" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author [[v]]. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America''] (2026), New York: Hachette Book Group

==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Emotions]]</text>
      <sha1>b4djrida0irmvqs4oodi3stqxqoyz3i</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951736</id>
      <parentid>3951735</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T16:36:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Illegitimate Barrister</username>
        <id>549904</id>
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      <origin>3951736</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1145" sha1="n1mvo9wfw3lvmvctgm0in76lixgwxxh" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Suicidal empathy|Suicidal empathy]]''' is a concept from behavioral science and evolutionary psychology popularized by author [[Gad Saad]]. It describes a phenomenon where a society, individual, or leader exhibits excessive, misdirected compassion—prioritizing the feelings of others over logic, self-preservation, and long-term consequences.
{{Stub}}
==Quotes==
*From a certain angle, these look like expressions of empathy, but an empathy that is deprived of discernment. It is a kind of compassion that fixates on individual circumstances while disregarding the individual actions that contribute to those circumstances.&lt;p&gt;In its most ruinous manifestation, this outlook compels its adherents to validate self-destructive behaviors, ratify the delusions of the violently inclined, and discount personal agency as if such a thing were the province of only a privileged few.
**[[w:Noah Rothman|Noah Rothman]], [https://x.com/NoahCRothman/status/2065069639072182377 ''Blood and Progress: A Century of Left-Wing Violence in America''] (2026), New York: Hachette Book Group

==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}

[[Category:Emotions]]</text>
      <sha1>n1mvo9wfw3lvmvctgm0in76lixgwxxh</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308251</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951792</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:45:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>4304</id>
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      <comment>Created page</comment>
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      <text bytes="7498" sha1="djycnhkb8d1vfb77zkjec4ue3ol76lk" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice|Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice]]''''' is a [[w:1969 in film|1969 film]] about trendy West Coasters who are determined to embrace complete openness after a weekend of emotional honesty at a retreat.
:''Directed by [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]. Written by Paul Mazursky and [[w:Larry Tucker (screenwriter)|Larry Tucker]].''
{{center/s}}'''Consider the Possibilities'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;{{center/e}}

== Bob Sanders ==
* Well look at you, man. You've got the guilt anyway. Don't waste it.

* That's gorgeous, man. The truth is always beautiful.

* You're playing games. You're playing a emancipated woman, a hip chick that doesn't care what her husband does.

== Carol Sanders ==
* Oh, insight! Oh, Alice! Alice, what a beautiful woman! Oh! You see. You see right through us. You're beautiful! You know where it's at.

* We have to be straight about this. Now, I'm beginning to feel something. I am beginning to feel excited. And do you want me to deny that?

== Ted Henderson ==
* First, we'll have an orgy. Then we'll go see [[w:Tony Bennett|Tony Bennett]].

* You know there's a double standard operating here and I'm not going to play that game. I am not going to do anything I don't want my wife to do.

== Alice Henderson ==
* That's all that's on their minds, is sex. Sex, sex, sex, and sex. If it's on your mind all the time it can't be a very good thing, can it? I mean, shouldn't it just happen? It used to just happen!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Alice Henderson''': You know how children are, they're very curious. He wanted to know why I had a tee-tee...
:'''Psychiatrist''': Pardon me? I don't know what a tee-tee is.
:'''Alice Henderson''': A vagina.
:'''Psychiatrist''': Oh, it's a pet expression of yours.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Yes, you know words: tee-tee, tinkle, po-po, wee-wee, kee-kee, poo-poo.
:'''Psychiatrist''': I had never heard tee-tee before.
:'''Alice Henderson''': What expression do you use with your children?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Vagina.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Psychiatrist''': When we come right up to the sex, you become embarrassed.
:'''Alice Henderson''': What am I... What would you like... What am I supposed to think?
:'''Psychiatrist''': I have no wants. Say what you think you'd like to say.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Do you think I need this? Do you really think you can help me?
:'''Psychiatrist''': I think it'd be useful to talk some more. I don't know for sure if I can help you or not. Do you think you can help yourself?
:'''Alice Henderson''': Ted is a very nervous man! Now sex is very important to a man! You know that!
:'''Psychiatrist''': Well, it seems that our time is up for today.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Maybe I don't trust Ted?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Let's talk about that on Thursday.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Do you think that that's the possibility that maybe that's what it's about?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Let's continue Thursday and we'll discuss that if that's helpful.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob Sanders''': What do you feel about - my hair?
:'''Ted Henderson''': Your hair? Well, eh, your hair? I don't want to offend you; but, a majority of my day isn't spent in ruminating about your hair.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Be honest, Ted.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Your hair looks very good on you.
:'''Carol Sanders''': You're full of crap.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Cop out. That's what we call a cop out.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Yeah. That's a cop out, Ted.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Can't you feel? How do you feel about it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': My darling, you did not do a terrible thing. You told me about it. If you hadn't have told me, then that would have been cheating!
:'''Bob Sanders''': I know what cheating is. Cheating is when you ball a chick that's not your wife That's cheating!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alice Henderson''': Now, do you wanna do it just like that with no feeling on my part?
:'''Ted Henderson''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': I didn't do it because you did it!
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why then? Oh, why, God Almighty!
:'''Carol Sanders''': I did it because I wanted to do it!
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why?
:'''Carol Sanders''': Because! Because I wanted to do it! I-I-I just wanted to see if I could do it.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why in my house? Why in my bed?
:'''Carol Sanders''': Well, Bob, it just seems like a convenient thing. You were not going to be here.
:'''Bob Sanders''': He's not in my pajamas, is he?
:'''Carol Sanders''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': I have no interests in sleeping with Ted.
:'''Ted Henderson''': I have no interests in sleeping with Carol.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Oh, you'd *love* to sleep with Carol!
:'''Carol Sanders''': Oh, Alice!
:'''Alice Henderson''': And you're dying to do it with Ted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted Henderson''': What are you doing Alice?
:'''Alice Henderson''': I'm getting undressed.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Alice, relax.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Oh! Relax!
:'''Ted Henderson''': Stop it, Alice
:'''Alice Henderson''': I am being honest! I am doing what I feel like doing!
:'''Carol Sanders''': Well, what do you feel like doing?
:'''Alice Henderson''': I feel like doing what we came up here to do.
:'''Carol Sanders''': And what is that?
:'''Alice Henderson''': Orgy! Have an orgy! Orgy! Orgy. Orgy! Orgy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alice Henderson''': Listen! You tell me why do you think we come out here?
:'''Carol Sanders''': To have fun!
:'''Alice Henderson''': And what is more fun than an orgy! Orgy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': If Bob says it's alright and Alice says it's alright and I say it's alright...
:'''Ted Henderson''': It just seems wrong.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Oh, it's not. Look, it's just nice feelings, it's something that we've never done before, it's physical fun! It's - it's just sex! Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Well, I do feel aroused. I can't deny that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob Sanders''': A toast - to Alice.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Hey, why me?
:'''Bob Sanders''': Huh? Because, you're nice.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Hey, hey, hey, here's a toast to Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice.
:'''Ted Henderson''': That's a good - I'll drink to us.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Us and horns!
:'''Alice Henderson''': Of the grooviest people I've ever known.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Hey, I'm really getting drunk, you know that? Crocked!

== Taglines ==
* Consider the Possibilities

* Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice request the company of your pleasure.

* ...is about four people who love each other. What's wrong with that?

== Cast ==
{{Cast listing|
* [[w:Natalie Wood|Natalie Wood]] as Carol Sanders
* [[w:Robert Culp|Robert Culp]] as Bob Sanders
* [[w:Elliott Gould|Elliott Gould]] as Ted Henderson
* [[w:Dyan Cannon|Dyan Cannon]] as Alice Henderson
* Horst Ebersberg as Horst
* [[w:Lee Bergere|Lee Bergere]] as Emilio
* Donald F. Muhich as Psychiatrist
* Noble Lee Holderread Jr. as Sean Sanders
* [[w:K. T. Stevens|K.T. Stevens]] as Phyllis
* [[w:Celeste Yarnall|Celeste Yarnall]] as Susan
* [[w:Lynn Borden|Lynn Borden]] as Cutter
* Linda Burton as Stewardess
* [[w:Greg Mullavey|Greg Mullavey]] as Group Leader
* [[w:Andre Philippe|Andre Philippe]] as Oscar
* [[w:Garry Goodrow|Garry Goodrow]] as Bert
* [[w:Leif Garrett|Leif Garrett]] as Jimmy Henderson (uncredited)
* Susana Miranda as Woman on Aeroplane (uncredited)
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0064100}}

[[Category:1969 American films]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951793</id>
      <parentid>3951792</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T18:47:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>+ 7 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="7756" sha1="rqdctqs1kwwxzg634tn40jggw5kixad" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice|Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice]]''''' is a [[w:1969 in film|1969 film]] about trendy West Coasters who are determined to embrace complete openness after a weekend of emotional honesty at a retreat.
:''Directed by [[w:Paul Mazursky|Paul Mazursky]]. Written by Paul Mazursky and [[w:Larry Tucker (screenwriter)|Larry Tucker]].''
{{center/s}}'''Consider the Possibilities'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;{{center/e}}

== Bob Sanders ==
* Well look at you, man. You've got the guilt anyway. Don't waste it.

* That's gorgeous, man. The truth is always beautiful.

* You're playing games. You're playing a emancipated woman, a hip chick that doesn't care what her husband does.

== Carol Sanders ==
* Oh, insight! Oh, Alice! Alice, what a beautiful woman! Oh! You see. You see right through us. You're beautiful! You know where it's at.

* We have to be straight about this. Now, I'm beginning to feel something. I am beginning to feel excited. And do you want me to deny that?

== Ted Henderson ==
* First, we'll have an orgy. Then we'll go see [[w:Tony Bennett|Tony Bennett]].

* You know there's a double standard operating here and I'm not going to play that game. I am not going to do anything I don't want my wife to do.

== Alice Henderson ==
* That's all that's on their minds, is sex. Sex, sex, sex, and sex. If it's on your mind all the time it can't be a very good thing, can it? I mean, shouldn't it just happen? It used to just happen!

== Dialogue ==
:'''Alice Henderson''': You know how children are, they're very curious. He wanted to know why I had a tee-tee...
:'''Psychiatrist''': Pardon me? I don't know what a tee-tee is.
:'''Alice Henderson''': A vagina.
:'''Psychiatrist''': Oh, it's a pet expression of yours.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Yes, you know words: tee-tee, tinkle, po-po, wee-wee, kee-kee, poo-poo.
:'''Psychiatrist''': I had never heard tee-tee before.
:'''Alice Henderson''': What expression do you use with your children?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Vagina.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Psychiatrist''': When we come right up to the sex, you become embarrassed.
:'''Alice Henderson''': What am I... What would you like... What am I supposed to think?
:'''Psychiatrist''': I have no wants. Say what you think you'd like to say.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Do you think I need this? Do you really think you can help me?
:'''Psychiatrist''': I think it'd be useful to talk some more. I don't know for sure if I can help you or not. Do you think you can help yourself?
:'''Alice Henderson''': Ted is a very nervous man! Now sex is very important to a man! You know that!
:'''Psychiatrist''': Well, it seems that our time is up for today.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Maybe I don't trust Ted?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Let's talk about that on Thursday.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Do you think that that's the possibility that maybe that's what it's about?
:'''Psychiatrist''': Let's continue Thursday and we'll discuss that if that's helpful.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob Sanders''': What do you feel about - my hair?
:'''Ted Henderson''': Your hair? Well, eh, your hair? I don't want to offend you; but, a majority of my day isn't spent in ruminating about your hair.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Be honest, Ted.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Your hair looks very good on you.
:'''Carol Sanders''': You're full of crap.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Cop out. That's what we call a cop out.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Yeah. That's a cop out, Ted.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Can't you feel? How do you feel about it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': My darling, you did not do a terrible thing. You told me about it. If you hadn't have told me, then that would have been cheating!
:'''Bob Sanders''': I know what cheating is. Cheating is when you ball a chick that's not your wife That's cheating!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alice Henderson''': Now, do you wanna do it just like that with no feeling on my part?
:'''Ted Henderson''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': I didn't do it because you did it!
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why then? Oh, why, God Almighty!
:'''Carol Sanders''': I did it because I wanted to do it!
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why?
:'''Carol Sanders''': Because! Because I wanted to do it! I-I-I just wanted to see if I could do it.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Why in my house? Why in my bed?
:'''Carol Sanders''': Well, Bob, it just seems like a convenient thing. You were not going to be here.
:'''Bob Sanders''': He's not in my pajamas, is he?
:'''Carol Sanders''': No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': I have no interests in sleeping with Ted.
:'''Ted Henderson''': I have no interests in sleeping with Carol.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Oh, you'd *love* to sleep with Carol!
:'''Carol Sanders''': Oh, Alice!
:'''Alice Henderson''': And you're dying to do it with Ted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted Henderson''': What are you doing Alice?
:'''Alice Henderson''': I'm getting undressed.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Alice, relax.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Oh! Relax!
:'''Ted Henderson''': Stop it, Alice
:'''Alice Henderson''': I am being honest! I am doing what I feel like doing!
:'''Carol Sanders''': Well, what do you feel like doing?
:'''Alice Henderson''': I feel like doing what we came up here to do.
:'''Carol Sanders''': And what is that?
:'''Alice Henderson''': Orgy! Have an orgy! Orgy! Orgy. Orgy! Orgy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Alice Henderson''': Listen! You tell me why do you think we come out here?
:'''Carol Sanders''': To have fun!
:'''Alice Henderson''': And what is more fun than an orgy! Orgy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carol Sanders''': If Bob says it's alright and Alice says it's alright and I say it's alright...
:'''Ted Henderson''': It just seems wrong.
:'''Carol Sanders''': Oh, it's not. Look, it's just nice feelings, it's something that we've never done before, it's physical fun! It's - it's just sex! Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Well, I do feel aroused. I can't deny that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Bob Sanders''': A toast - to Alice.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Hey, why me?
:'''Bob Sanders''': Huh? Because, you're nice.
:'''Alice Henderson''': Hey, hey, hey, here's a toast to Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice.
:'''Ted Henderson''': That's a good - I'll drink to us.
:'''Bob Sanders''': Us and horns!
:'''Alice Henderson''': Of the grooviest people I've ever known.
:'''Ted Henderson''': Hey, I'm really getting drunk, you know that? Crocked!

== Taglines ==
* Consider the Possibilities

* Bob &amp; Carol &amp; Ted &amp; Alice request the company of your pleasure.

* ...is about four people who love each other. What's wrong with that?

== Cast ==
{{Cast listing|
* [[w:Natalie Wood|Natalie Wood]] as Carol Sanders
* [[w:Robert Culp|Robert Culp]] as Bob Sanders
* [[w:Elliott Gould|Elliott Gould]] as Ted Henderson
* [[w:Dyan Cannon|Dyan Cannon]] as Alice Henderson
* Horst Ebersberg as Horst
* [[w:Lee Bergere|Lee Bergere]] as Emilio
* Donald F. Muhich as Psychiatrist
* Noble Lee Holderread Jr. as Sean Sanders
* [[w:K. T. Stevens|K.T. Stevens]] as Phyllis
* [[w:Celeste Yarnall|Celeste Yarnall]] as Susan
* [[w:Lynn Borden|Lynn Borden]] as Cutter
* Linda Burton as Stewardess
* [[w:Greg Mullavey|Greg Mullavey]] as Group Leader
* [[w:Andre Philippe|Andre Philippe]] as Oscar
* [[w:Garry Goodrow|Garry Goodrow]] as Bert
* [[w:Leif Garrett|Leif Garrett]] as Jimmy Henderson (uncredited)
* Susana Miranda as Woman on Aeroplane (uncredited)
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0064100}}

[[Category:1969 American films]]
[[Category:American comedy-drama films]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Satire films]]
[[Category:Sex comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about adultery]]
[[Category:Films set in Los Angeles]]
[[Category:Films directed by Paul Mazursky]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Eugène Müntz</title>
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    <id>308252</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951806</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-11T19:30:30Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>2514030</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Eugène Müntz|Eugène Müntz]]''' (11 June 1845 – 30 October 1902) was a French art historian.  == Quotes ==  *It is easier to condemn all, than to select the good from the bad amongst thousands of pieces, many of which, it must be admitted, are of but little interest. But the knowledge and artistic enjoyment to be derived from them are too precious to be thus lightly thrown away. If we turn from works which are commonplace or vulgar, and give our attention to...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="797" sha1="awpa9abm8sdf8rslvjhhk884045d5a8" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Eugène Müntz|Eugène Müntz]]''' (11 June 1845 – 30 October 1902) was a French art historian.

== Quotes ==

*It is easier to condemn all, than to select the good from the bad amongst thousands of pieces, many of which, it must be admitted, are of but little interest. But the knowledge and artistic enjoyment to be derived from them are too precious to be thus lightly thrown away. If we turn from works which are commonplace or vulgar, and give our attention to those which are of higher merit, innumerable surprises await us.
** [https://archive.org/details/shorthistoryofta00mn/page/n11 ''A Short History of Tapestry'' (1885)]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Müntz, Eugène}}
[[Category:1845 births]]
[[Category:1902 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>awpa9abm8sdf8rslvjhhk884045d5a8</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>3951974</id>
      <parentid>3951806</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:57:40Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>+[[Category:Art historians]]; +[[Category:Historians from France]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3951974</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="861" sha1="4cxz96wd0xy5n7vd1x7wxdswjdmqzjy" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Eugène Müntz|Eugène Müntz]]''' (11 June 1845 – 30 October 1902) was a French art historian.

== Quotes ==

*It is easier to condemn all, than to select the good from the bad amongst thousands of pieces, many of which, it must be admitted, are of but little interest. But the knowledge and artistic enjoyment to be derived from them are too precious to be thus lightly thrown away. If we turn from works which are commonplace or vulgar, and give our attention to those which are of higher merit, innumerable surprises await us.
** [https://archive.org/details/shorthistoryofta00mn/page/n11 ''A Short History of Tapestry'' (1885)]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Müntz, Eugène}}
[[Category:1845 births]]
[[Category:1902 deaths]]
[[Category:Art historians]]
[[Category:Historians from France]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Raul Gardini</title>
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    <id>308253</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951807</id>
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        <id>3340278</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Raul Gardini.jpg|thumb|Raul Gardini]]  '''[[w:Raul Gardini|Raul Gardini]]''' (7 June 1933 – 23 July 1993) was an Italian agri-business and chemicals tycoon. In 1980, he took the helm of his father-in-law Serafino Ferruzzi's family business, starting an aggressive campaign that led to the acquisition of the French sugar and paper company Beghin-Say SA, turning Ferruzzi into Europe's leading sugar producer. In 1985, Gardini focused his interest on chemicals and bo...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="4308" sha1="46obirrnhsca1ezmn1n7dpq2nesu42f" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Raul Gardini.jpg|thumb|Raul Gardini]]

'''[[w:Raul Gardini|Raul Gardini]]''' (7 June 1933 – 23 July 1993) was an Italian agri-business and chemicals tycoon. In 1980, he took the helm of his father-in-law Serafino Ferruzzi's family business, starting an aggressive campaign that led to the acquisition of the French sugar and paper company Beghin-Say SA, turning Ferruzzi into Europe's leading sugar producer. In 1985, Gardini focused his interest on chemicals and bought stock in the Montedison chemical group. By 1987, he had acquired 42 per cent of the group, turning Ferruzzi-Montedison into Italy's second largest industrial group after the state-owned company [[w:Eni|Eni]]. In 1989, Eni and Montedison formed a joint-venture called Enimont.

==Quotes==
*(After the victory at the [[w:Louis Vuitton Cup|Louis Vuitton Cup]] of the Moro of [[w:Venice|Venice]]) Does Occhetto also send me his best wishes? What can I say? I'm pleased. All sorts of things are happening around the world; it's the world that's changing. 
:*Quoted in ''[http://www.archiviolastampa.it/component/option,com_lastampa/task,search/mod,libera/action,viewer/Itemid,3/page,1/articleid,0829_01_1992_0118_0001_25105243/ Gardini altro che la guerra della chimica]'', ''La Stampa'', 1 May 1992.

==Quotes about==
*Men change. I knew Gardini before and after his irresistible rise. I prefer the memory of Gardini on the rise to that of Gardini after he had risen. 
:*[[Sergio Cusani]], as quoted in Claudio Sabelli Fioretti, [http://interviste.sabellifioretti.it/?p=1578#more-1578 Sergio Cusani],
 ''Sette'', quoted in Interviste.sabellifioretti.it, 29 August 1993.

*Gardini? I liked him. But he remains entangled in the biggest Italian story: I tell how the investigations established that the mafia entered the stock market with Calcestruzzi. 
:*[[w:Enrico Deaglio|Enrico Deaglio]], as quoted in Enrico Mannucci, ''I nostri anni crudeli'', ''Corriere della Sera'' - &quot;Magazine&quot;, 7 May 2009.

*The mother of all bribes is not Enimont but the relationship with the [[w:Sicily|Sicilian]] [[w:mafia|mafia]]. Di Pietro had got involved with Gardini: I think that's his secret. 
:*[[w:Enrico Deaglio|Enrico Deaglio]], as quoted in Enrico Mannucci, ''I nostri anni crudeli'', ''Corriere della Sera'' - &quot;Magazine&quot;, 7 May 2009.

*Up until fifteen minutes before, I had spoken to his lawyer and we had agreed that he was coming to me and that he wanted to come on his own two feet and with his hands free, and that he would tell the facts as they were. Then, evidently, in an act of pride, he committed suicide. 
:*[[Antonio Di Pietro]], as quote din ''Antonio Di Pietro racconta Mani pulite 25 anni dopo'', [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIme-6dfxu0 video] available on Fanpage.it YouTube channel, September 2017.

*Gardini's death is the real, great regret I have from the [[Mani pulite|Mani Pulite]] period. For two reasons. The first: on that 23 July, Gardini should have told me everything: to whom he had given the billion lire he had taken to [via delle] Botteghe Oscure, the headquarters of the [[w:Italian Communist Party|PCI; who the corrupt financial journalists were, in addition to those already revealed by Sama; and who the beneficiaries of the bulk of the [[w:Enimont|Enimont]] bribe were, which had been put in a safe place at the IOR. The second reason: I could have saved Gardini. On the evening of the 22nd, just before midnight, the Carabinieri called me at my home in Curno to inform me that Gardini had arrived at his house in Piazza Belgioioso in Milan and they said to me: &quot;Sir, what shall we do? Shall we take him in?&quot;. But I had given my word to the lawyers that he would arrive at the Public Prosecutor'sOffice on his own two feet the next morning. And I said to leave it alone. If I had had him arrested immediately, he would still be here with us. 
:*[[Antonio Di Pietro]], quoted in ''[https://www.corriere.it/cronache/13_luglio_21/di-pietro--gardini-cazzullo_d4162134-f1d5-11e2-9522-c5658930a7bc.shtml «Il mio errore su Raul Gardini. Non lo arrestai per una promessa»]'', 21 July 2013.

==See also==
* ''[[Mani pulite]]''
* [[Sergio Cusani]]

==External links==
{{similar links}}

{{DEFAULTSORT|Gardini, Raul}}
[[Category:1933 births]]
[[Category:1993 deaths]]
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;| image              = Ethel Wilson (Mrs A.J. Wilson) in The Vote 22 Oct 1926.png '''{{W|Ethel Maude Wilson}}''' born '''Ethel Maude Sayer''' (23 November 1876 – 12 October 1959) was a British advertising manager and managing director of A. J. Wilson in 1926. ==quotes==&quot;</comment>
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'''{{W|Ethel Maude Wilson}}''' born '''Ethel Maude Sayer''' (23 November 1876 – 12 October 1959) was a British advertising manager and managing director of A. J. Wilson in 1926.
==quotes==</text>
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'''{{W|Ethel Maude Wilson}}''' born '''Ethel Maude Sayer''' (23 November 1876 – 12 October 1959) was a British advertising manager and managing director of A. J. Wilson in 1926.
==quotes==
*“A dreadful thing” for girls to take up a business career.
**https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.com</text>
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'''{{W|Ethel Maude Wilson'}}''' (23 November 1876 – 12 October 1959) was a British advertising manager, company director, and one of the pioneers of women’s participation in the advertising industry. 0

== Quotes ==

* &quot;A dreadful thing&quot; for girls to take up a business career.
** [https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.com Recalling attitudes toward women entering business in the 1890s., Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021).]

* She never had &quot;two hands free out of doors&quot; because one was occupied holding up her &quot;ridiculously long&quot; skirts.
** [https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.comRecalling the restrictions faced by women in her early working life. Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021).]

* The secret of success was &quot;application&quot; and &quot;a knowledge of the value of money.&quot;
**[https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.com On career advancement and business success.Quoted in Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021)]

== External links ==

* {{Wikipedia}}</text>
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'''{{W|Ethel Maude Wilson'}}''' (23 November 1876 – 12 October 1959) was a British advertising manager, company director, and one of the pioneers of women’s participation in the advertising industry. 0

== Quotes ==

* &quot;A dreadful thing&quot; for girls to take up a business career.
** [https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.com Recalling attitudes toward women entering business in the 1890s., Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021).]

* She never had &quot;two hands free out of doors&quot; because one was occupied holding up her &quot;ridiculously long&quot; skirts.
** [https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.comRecalling the restrictions faced by women in her early working life. Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021).]

* The secret of success was &quot;application&quot; and &quot;a knowledge of the value of money.&quot;
**[https://womenwhomeantbusiness.com/2021/08/27/ethel-wilson-1876-1959/?utm_source=chatgpt.com On career advancement and business success.Quoted in Lizzie Broadbent, ''Ethel Wilson (1876–1959)'', Women Who Meant Business (2021)]

== External links ==

* {{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Wilson, Ethel Maude}}

[[Category:Dead people]]
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| image2 = Anne Frank passport photo, May 1942 (cropped).jpg
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| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;I don't think about all the [[misery]], but about the [[beauty]] that still remains. This is where Mother and I [[differ]] greatly. Her [[advice]] in the face of [[melancholy]] is: &quot;Think about all the [[suffering]] in the [[world]] and be thankful you're not part of it.&quot; My advice is: &quot;Go outside, to the country, [[enjoy]] the [[sun]] and all [[nature]] has to offer. Go outside and try to recapture the [[happiness]] within yourself; think of all the [[beauty]] in yourself and in everything around you and be happy.&quot;
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      <text bytes="2422" sha1="slyc6la21jmcpviaz9x6111j3o2j3ss" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Nora-Fatehi-snapped-in-Bandra-2 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Fatehi in 2023]]
'''[[w:Nora Fatehi|Nora Fatehi]]''' (born Naura Fathi; 6 February 1992) is a Canadian singer, dancer and actress based in India. She primarily works in [[Bollywood|Hindi]] cinema and has also appeared in [[w:Telugu cinema|Telugu]] and [[w:Malayalam cinema|Malayalam]] films. Fatehi made her acting debut with the Hindi film ''[[w:Roar: Tigers of the Sundarbans|Roar: Tigers of the Sundarbans]]'' and gained wider recognition for her dance performances in [[w:Cinema of India|Indian films]]. She is regarded as one of the prominent dancers in contemporary Indian cinema.

{{actor-stub}}
== Quotes ==

* I want to make sure that the industry, whether it's [[Bollywood]] or [[Cinema of the United States|Hollywood]], maintains a certain standard for stage performance. You better come with choreo, you better have a show.
** Singh, Dianna (20 January 2025). [https://www.allure.com/story/nora-fatehi-beauty-interview &quot;Nora Fatehi Has Been Ready for This Moment All Her Life&quot;]. ''Allure''.

* Music and dance have no language barrier, and I truly believe collaboration helps us celebrate that universality. It's how we grow as artists, by learning from each other's influences, experimenting with new styles, and building bridges between audiences.
** Denis, Kyle (7 November 2025). [https://www.billboard.com/music/pop/nora-fatehi-shenseea-what-do-i-know-pop-music-1236106672/ &quot;Global Superstar Nora Fatehi Details New Shenseea Collaboration ‘What Do I Know’: ‘It’s About Creating My Own Lane in the Pop World’&quot;]. ''Billboard''.

* There were years of nonstop work, rejection, and financial struggle, and I had to rebuild myself emotionally and professionally. There was a phase early on where I was juggling survival and ambition at the same time. No one will ever truly know how much strength that took. But those unseen battles built the resilience behind every pop moment I create today.
** D'Silva, Sharon (5 December 2025). [https://elle.in/cover/nora-fatehi-is-just-a-girl-doing-it-all-10884513 &quot;ELLE Digital Cover Star: Nora Fatehi Is 'Just A Girl' Doing It All&quot;]. ''Elle India''.

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Fatehi, Nora}}
[[Category:1992 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Models from Canada]]
[[Category:Actresses from Canada]]
[[Category:Singers from Canada]]
[[Category:Dancers from Canada]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Kenneth Branagh</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308271</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951969</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:38:22Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Kenneth Branagh at diff 2015.jpg|thumb|]] '''[[w:Kenneth Branagh|Sir Kenneth Charles Branagh]]''' (born 10 December 1960) is a British actor and filmmaker. {{actor-stub}}  == Quotes ==  * Going from medium to medium, if you get the chance to do it, from theater to television to film, which are all distinctly different, keeps me sharp. What works in one doesn't work in the other, and you have to be looking for the truth of the performance, whatever way that medium...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3951969</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="987" sha1="mx7mdevzq7jlmmx3cwj194xu52nuf88" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Kenneth Branagh at diff 2015.jpg|thumb|]]
'''[[w:Kenneth Branagh|Sir Kenneth Charles Branagh]]''' (born 10 December 1960) is a British actor and filmmaker.
{{actor-stub}}

== Quotes ==

* Going from medium to medium, if you get the chance to do it, from theater to television to film, which are all distinctly different, keeps me sharp. What works in one doesn't work in the other, and you have to be looking for the truth of the performance, whatever way that medium might demand. 
** Interview by Alex Billington, [https://www.firstshowing.net/2012/branagh-talks-about-his-villain-directing-fast-paced-jack-ryan/ &quot;Branagh Chats About His Villain &amp; Directing 'Fast-Paced' Jack Ryan&quot;], [[w:Valnet#Collider|''Collider'']] (22 July 2012)

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Branagh, Kenneth}}

[[Category:1960 births]]
[[Category:Actors from Northern Ireland]]
[[Category:People from Belfast]]
[[Category:People from Berkshire]]
[[Category:Knights Bachelor]]</text>
      <sha1>mx7mdevzq7jlmmx3cwj194xu52nuf88</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Category:People from Berkshire</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
    <id>308272</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951970</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:38:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[Category:People by county in England|Berkshire]]&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3951970</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="50" sha1="7f0v109khd4pc9gjqo7ijjyqwy73u7c" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:People by county in England|Berkshire]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dead Again</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308273</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951971</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:38:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;{{italic title}} '''''[[w:Dead Again|Dead Again]]''''' is a 1991 neo-noir romantic thriller film about a woman who has lost her memory and the private eye who becomes entangled in her case. :''Directed by [[Kenneth Branagh]]. Written by [[w:Scott Frank|Scott Frank]].'' {{center|'''How many times can you die for love?'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}  == Quotes ==  File : Couponschaar van Landry &amp; van Till.JPG|thumb|Thanks to fate — the only cosmic f...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3951971</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7173" sha1="7ugjw5a4ytaxch8590tb87u4hnbk3qw" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Dead Again|Dead Again]]''''' is a 1991 neo-noir romantic thriller film about a woman who has lost her memory and the private eye who becomes entangled in her case.
:''Directed by [[Kenneth Branagh]]. Written by [[w:Scott Frank|Scott Frank]].''
{{center|'''How many times can you die for love?'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Quotes ==

[[File : Couponschaar van Landry &amp; van Till.JPG|thumb|Thanks to fate — the only cosmic force with a tragic sense of humor — you burn somebody in one life, they get a chance to burn you back in this one. It's the karmic credit plan: buy now, pay forever.]]

* '''Mike Church''': I'm not looking for Miss Right, I'm looking for Miss Right Now.

* '''Pete''': You don't have to worry about forgetting her name... she's already forgotten it for you!

* '''Pete''': Same thing happened to me once. Two years ago. This mailman in Lawndale freaked out, chopped up his entire family with a hedge trimmer.

* '''Margaret Strauss''': I'm not going into hiding, Mr. Baker. I'm just getting married.

* '''Gray Baker''': I can talk baseball to a man and pay a stupid compliment to a woman. What else is there?

* '''Roman Strauss''': I'm curious, Mr. Baker, what you were just doing with my wife's leg?

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': Karmically, self-defense is quite cool.

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': Thanks to fate — the only cosmic force with a tragic sense of humor — you burn somebody in one life, they get a chance to burn you back in this one. It's the karmic credit plan: buy now, pay forever.

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': This gender switching shit happens all the time. You can be Bob in one life, and then Betty in the next. You can be husband in one life and then the wife in the next.

== Dialogue ==

[[File:Colt 1908 .25 396984 L DSC 1999.JPG|thumb|— Why would she want to kill me now? — Why do women do anything?]]

:'''Gray Baker''': Aren't you afraid of dying?
:'''Roman Strauss''': To die is different than what anyone supposes, and luckier.
:'''Gray Baker''': Is that a line from your opera?
:'''Roman Strauss''': It's [[Leaves of Grass#Song of Myself (1855; 1881)|Walt Whitman]]. I can't take credit for everything, Mr. Baker.
:'''Gray Baker''': You really believe that you're lucky to die?
:'''Roman Strauss''': What I believe, Mr Baker, is that this is all far from over.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Someone's either a smoker or a nonsmoker. There's no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are and be that.
:'''Mike Church''': Yeah, well, you know, I'm — I'm trying to quit. So...
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Don't tell me you're trying to quit. People who say they are trying to quit are basically pussies who cannot commit. Find out which one you are. Be that. That's it. If you're a nonsmoker, you'll know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Hey, thumb-dick, I was a damn good shrink. In sixteen and a half years I worked with a lot of people through a lot of shit. Okay, I slept with a patient or two. It's not like I didn't care about 'em.
:'''Mike Church''': Okay.
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': I loved being a doctor. I used to not charge half my patients. Then the fuckin' state comes along, they send some bitch undercover, and I'm fucked. It ain't fair, is it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Franklyn Madson''': You were inside President Roosevelt's office?
:'''Mrs. Tupper''': [''under hypnosis, in a child's voice''] Yes. Lots of times. My mommy was his cook. Yeah, we were like family. I used to sit on Uncle Teddy's lap. [''giggles''] I liked that!
:'''Franklyn Madson''': I'm sure Uncle Teddy did, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gray Baker''': Why are you helping me?
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': I don't know. You smell good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grace''': Why is it that I can recognize certain smells, that I know my right hand from my left, but I can't remember what my favorite color is or my favorite flower or — what kind of wine I like.
:'''Mike Church''': Maybe you're lucky.
:'''Grace''': Lucky? How so?
:'''Mike Church''': You know, I was just thinking there must be a certain freedom that goes with living only in the present tense. At least you don't have to spend every day trying to forget your past.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roman Strauss''': It's not a bracelet, darling. It's an anklet, a very special anklet. Let's have your leg. It's really very old. The man I bought it from explained to me that when a husband gives this to his wife — they become — two halves of the same person. Nothing can — separate them. Not even death.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': So we're stuck with each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grace''': They seemed so in love.
:'''Mike Church''': Well, those are usually the people that kill each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starlet''': You in the business?
:'''Roman Strauss''': The business?
:'''Starlet''': Yeah, you know: pictures, movies.
:'''Roman Strauss''': No. I'm a composer.
:'''Starlet''': Oh, well, in that case, you're not anybody. [''walks away'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margaret Strauss''': So, any new tidbits from the press?
:'''Gray Baker''': Zero. To tell you the truth, I miss the war.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Well, what an odd thing to say.
:'''Gray Baker''': Doesn't seem to be much news anymore — all this back-to-normal stuff. The world's getting boring again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Is it really good to smoke so much?
:'''Gray Baker''': No. That's why I started rolling my own. Figured it will slow me down.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Has it?
:'''Gray Baker''': No. I just roll them faster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike Church''': Why would she want to kill me now?
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Why do women do anything?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pete''': I've known Mike Church forever. He would never hurt her.
:'''Franklyn Madson''': This is fate we're talking about, and if fate works at all, it works because people think that ''this time'', it isn't going to happen!

== Taglines ==

* A Mystery About True Love...And Certain Death.

* How many times can you die for love?

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* [[Kenneth Branagh]] — Mike Church/Roman Strauss
* [[Emma Thompson]] — &quot;Grace&quot;/Amanda Sharp/Margaret Strauss
* [[Andy Garcia|Andy García]] — Gray Baker
* [[Derek Jacobi]] — Franklyn Madson
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] — &quot;Piccolo&quot; Pete Dugan
* [[Robin Williams]] — Dr. Cozy Carlisle
* [[w:Hanna Schygulla|Hanna Schygulla]] — Inga
* [[w:Campbell Scott|Campbell Scott]] — Doug
* [[w:Jo Anderson|Jo Anderson]] — Sister Madeleine/Masquerade Party Guest
* [[w:Lois Hall|Lois Hall]] — Sister Constance
* [[w:Richard Easton|Richard Easton]] — Father Timothy
* [[w:Gregor Hesse|Gregor Hesse]] — Frankie
* [[w:Obba Babatundé|Obba Babatundé]] — Sid
* [[w:Vasek Simek|Vasek Simek]] — Otto Kline
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] — Lydia Larson
* [[w:Raymond Cruz|Raymond Cruz]] — supermarket clerk
* [[Miriam Margolyes]] — Mrs. Tupper/hypnotic subject in shop (uncredited)
}}

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0328164|title=Dead Again}}

[[Category:1991 films]]
[[Category:Neo-noir]]
[[Category:Thriller films]]</text>
      <sha1>7ugjw5a4ytaxch8590tb87u4hnbk3qw</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3951972</id>
      <parentid>3951971</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:39:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Ficaia</username>
        <id>3085955</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3951972</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7173" sha1="i2ny11wg2xwcllysl356d2z1qa289m2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Dead Again|Dead Again]]''''' is a 1991 neo-noir romantic thriller film about a woman who has lost her memory and the private eye who becomes entangled in her case.
:''Directed by [[Kenneth Branagh]]. Written by [[w:Scott Frank|Scott Frank]].''
{{center|'''How many times can you die for love?'''&amp;nbsp; &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Quotes ==

[[File : Couponschaar van Landry &amp; van Till.JPG|thumb|Thanks to fate — the only cosmic force with a tragic sense of humor — you burn somebody in one life, they get a chance to burn you back in this one. It's the karmic credit plan: buy now, pay forever.]]

* '''Mike Church''': I'm not looking for Miss Right, I'm looking for Miss Right Now.

* '''Pete''': You don't have to worry about forgetting her name... she's already forgotten it for you!

* '''Pete''': Same thing happened to me once. Two years ago. This mailman in Lawndale freaked out, chopped up his entire family with a hedge trimmer.

* '''Margaret Strauss''': I'm not going into hiding, Mr. Baker. I'm just getting married.

* '''Gray Baker''': I can talk baseball to a man and pay a stupid compliment to a woman. What else is there?

* '''Roman Strauss''': I'm curious, Mr. Baker, what you were just doing with my wife's leg?

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': Karmically, self-defense is quite cool.

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': Thanks to fate — the only cosmic force with a tragic sense of humor — you burn somebody in one life, they get a chance to burn you back in this one. It's the karmic credit plan: buy now, pay forever.

* '''Cozy Carlisle''': This gender switching shit happens all the time. You can be Bob in one life, and then Betty in the next. You can be husband in one life and then the wife in the next.

== Dialogue ==

[[File:Colt 1908 .25 396984 L DSC 1999.JPG|thumb|— Why would she want to kill me now? — Why do women do anything?]]

:'''Gray Baker''': Aren't you afraid of dying?
:'''Roman Strauss''': To die is different than what anyone supposes, and luckier.
:'''Gray Baker''': Is that a line from your opera?
:'''Roman Strauss''': It's [[Leaves of Grass#Song of Myself (1855; 1881)|Walt Whitman]]. I can't take credit for everything, Mr. Baker.
:'''Gray Baker''': You really believe that you're lucky to die?
:'''Roman Strauss''': What I believe, Mr Baker, is that this is all far from over.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Someone's either a smoker or a nonsmoker. There's no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are and be that.
:'''Mike Church''': Yeah, well, you know, I'm — I'm trying to quit. So...
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Don't tell me you're trying to quit. People who say they are trying to quit are basically pussies who cannot commit. Find out which one you are. Be that. That's it. If you're a nonsmoker, you'll know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Hey, thumb-dick, I was a damn good shrink. In sixteen and a half years I worked with a lot of people through a lot of shit. Okay, I slept with a patient or two. It's not like I didn't care about 'em.
:'''Mike Church''': Okay.
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': I loved being a doctor. I used to not charge half my patients. Then the fuckin' state comes along, they send some bitch undercover, and I'm fucked. It ain't fair, is it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Franklyn Madson''': You were inside President Roosevelt's office?
:'''Mrs. Tupper''': [''under hypnosis, in a child's voice''] Yes. Lots of times. My mommy was his cook. Yeah, we were like family. I used to sit on Uncle Teddy's lap. [''giggles''] I liked that!
:'''Franklyn Madson''': I'm sure Uncle Teddy did, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gray Baker''': Why are you helping me?
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': I don't know. You smell good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grace''': Why is it that I can recognize certain smells, that I know my right hand from my left, but I can't remember what my favorite color is or my favorite flower or — what kind of wine I like.
:'''Mike Church''': Maybe you're lucky.
:'''Grace''': Lucky? How so?
:'''Mike Church''': You know, I was just thinking there must be a certain freedom that goes with living only in the present tense. At least you don't have to spend every day trying to forget your past.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roman Strauss''': It's not a bracelet, darling. It's an anklet, a very special anklet. Let's have your leg. It's really very old. The man I bought it from explained to me that when a husband gives this to his wife — they become — two halves of the same person. Nothing can — separate them. Not even death.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': So we're stuck with each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grace''': They seemed so in love.
:'''Mike Church''': Well, those are usually the people that kill each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starlet''': You in the business?
:'''Roman Strauss''': The business?
:'''Starlet''': Yeah, you know: pictures, movies.
:'''Roman Strauss''': No. I'm a composer.
:'''Starlet''': Oh, well, in that case, you're not anybody. [''walks away'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margaret Strauss''': So, any new tidbits from the press?
:'''Gray Baker''': Zero. To tell you the truth, I miss the war.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Well, what an odd thing to say.
:'''Gray Baker''': Doesn't seem to be much news anymore — all this back-to-normal stuff. The world's getting boring again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Is it really good to smoke so much?
:'''Gray Baker''': No. That's why I started rolling my own. Figured it will slow me down.
:'''Margaret Strauss''': Has it?
:'''Gray Baker''': No. I just roll them faster.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike Church''': Why would she want to kill me now?
:'''Cozy Carlisle''': Why do women do anything?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pete''': I've known Mike Church forever. He would never hurt her.
:'''Franklyn Madson''': This is fate we're talking about, and if fate works at all, it works because people think that ''this time'', it isn't going to happen!

== Taglines ==

* A Mystery About True Love...And Certain Death.

* How many times can you die for love?

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* [[Kenneth Branagh]] — Mike Church/Roman Strauss
* [[Emma Thompson]] — &quot;Grace&quot;/Amanda Sharp/Margaret Strauss
* [[Andy Garcia|Andy García]] — Gray Baker
* [[Derek Jacobi]] — Franklyn Madson
* [[w:Wayne Knight|Wayne Knight]] — &quot;Piccolo&quot; Pete Dugan
* [[Robin Williams]] — Dr. Cozy Carlisle
* [[w:Hanna Schygulla|Hanna Schygulla]] — Inga
* [[w:Campbell Scott|Campbell Scott]] — Doug
* [[w:Jo Anderson|Jo Anderson]] — Sister Madeleine/Masquerade Party Guest
* [[w:Lois Hall|Lois Hall]] — Sister Constance
* [[w:Richard Easton|Richard Easton]] — Father Timothy
* [[w:Gregor Hesse|Gregor Hesse]] — Frankie
* [[w:Obba Babatundé|Obba Babatundé]] — Sid
* [[w:Vasek Simek|Vasek Simek]] — Otto Kline
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] — Lydia Larson
* [[w:Raymond Cruz|Raymond Cruz]] — supermarket clerk
* [[Miriam Margolyes]] — Mrs. Tupper/hypnotic subject in shop (uncredited)
}}

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0101669|title=Dead Again}}

[[Category:1991 films]]
[[Category:Neo-noir]]
[[Category:Thriller films]]</text>
      <sha1>i2ny11wg2xwcllysl356d2z1qa289m2</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Martin Jay</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>308274</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3951973</id>
      <timestamp>2026-06-12T11:51:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Мит Сколов</username>
        <id>2885624</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Martin Jay 2014.jpg|thumb|Martin Jay]] '''[[w:Martin Jay|Martin Jay]]''' (born in 1944) is an American intellectual historian.   {{historian-stub}} == Quotes == *  Can, in short, the world really tolerate dissent from, say, the Paris Climate Agreement by a rogue nation truculently claiming its narrow interests come first, and whose distorted norms allow it to prioritize short-term economic growth over the survival of the planet as we have known it?&lt;ref&gt;https://cri...&quot;</comment>
      <origin>3951973</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="664" sha1="2rds4apleoie5j9hugqxbe4f4734h2v" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Martin Jay 2014.jpg|thumb|Martin Jay]]
'''[[w:Martin Jay|Martin Jay]]''' (born in 1944) is an American intellectual historian. 

{{historian-stub}}
== Quotes ==
*  Can, in short, the world really tolerate dissent from, say, the Paris Climate Agreement by a rogue nation truculently claiming its narrow interests come first, and whose distorted norms allow it to prioritize short-term economic growth over the survival of the planet as we have known it?&lt;ref&gt;https://criticalinquiry.uchicago.edu/martin_jay_reviews_the_end_of_progress/&lt;/ref&gt;

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Jay, Martin }}
[[Category:1944 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>2rds4apleoie5j9hugqxbe4f4734h2v</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
</mediawiki>